Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27280438-20160114125758/@comment-25769703-20160114130934

This needs work. The beggining made me chuckle. Focus on how to change your beggining and shape it around your entire pasta. It seemed a little rushed. And from reading the first paragraph several times over the pace of the beggining needs to be slowed down. There needs to be a build up. What your pasta fails to do is create the build up to make this something great. Reframe your short story and understand where you are going to go with it. It is poorly written, and the amount of reptition you use is unnessisary. You have many grammatical errors. This needs alot of work before it can go up there.

Some spend years trying to get their work up there with the others. You have something that is what counts. Even if it's not that good. Fix it up, reread it and don't fool yourself thinking something is good and actually producing something good are two different things. Use the workshop and come back with better content. Most areas of horror have been covered and this simply combines many common themes 'death, supernatural but it wasn't greatly exposed. It's rushed, work on it longer and then come back.