Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25714190-20141227151640/@comment-24101790-20141227161215

First off, this story violates out no-spinoff rule as it is quite a renowned story. (Featured on Scary Stories for Kids and a number of other sites.) It unfortunately can't be uploaded to this site. (I believe Spinpasta will take it.)

There are some capitalization issues here. "months ago, 16 year old", "The story is true you can research It (it) on google(period missing)" Also on the subject of capitalization, I would avoid capitalizing entire words and would use italics instead.

Punctuation errors. Periods missing from sentences and commas missing from sentences where a pause is needed. "Hi my name is Carmen Winstead."

"When he went to take a shower he heard laughter from his shower, he started freaking out and ran to his computer to repost it,(.) He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep,(.) 5 (Five) hours later his mom woke up in the middle of the night cause of a loud noise, David was gone, that morning a few hours later the police found him in the sewer, his neck broke (broken) and his face skin (the skin of his face) peeled off." This is a run-on sentence, has punctuation issues, and needs re-phrasing.

Some story suggestions, I would break up the third paragraph some and remove those ellipses. A period or comma works just as well and doesn't come across as melodramatic. I would also avoid the chain mail ending and the "this is a true story.". You are pretending Carmen is writing the story, why would she write that at the end? ("By the way guys, I'm totally real.") It seems gimmicky.