Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27493054-20160905213025/@comment-26444017-20160907042451

The first question I can think of is this: Who do you want this story to follow? Do you want it to follow the vandals, or Walker? It sounds like the former, and honestly I think that's better. If you go that route, you have two options for introducing Walker. Either include the backstory for Walker in the form of notes or investigation of the facility, or completely ignore the backstory in the story proper. Again, the former is preferable.

The big problem I can think of is using Walker as a plot device without making him the center of attention. Leading up to the reveal of his backstory, I think Walker should play an extremely minor role, playing with the vandals like a cat with a toy, rather than straight up attacking them. After his backstory is revealed, I reccomend upping his involvement, but still keeping him as a mysterious force as much as you can. After revealing his backstory, make sure the story wraps up quickly, so it feels like all of the horror is packed at the end, leaving the terror as build up to the reveal.

Oh, and avoid the phrase "back to Hell". It implies that they were already in Hell at some point. In fact, I reccomend avoiding the word "Hell" at all, because it is cliche. Instead, let your description of what Walker does to the vandals at the end push readers to that conclusion. Don't make them see Hell, but maybe something even more horrifying that makes Hell seem pleasant. No matter what you choose to have happen to them, the devil is in the details. Descriptions must be convincing, and if you can accomplish that, then you should have a much better time with it.

Finally, what do you want for the ending? The concept of Walker still walking the Earth is a good place to go, but the problem here is that this is set in the future. The creep factor is lost somewhat because this isn't an immediate threat. Consider Slenderman. Yes, he is supposed to be incredibly powerful and dangerous, especially to children, but the really scary thing about him is that he could attack anyone at any time. You need to make this monster seem dangerous, and that is very hard to do with the tale set in the future. That said, there are already a lot of pastas set in the past, so more like the one you proposed are reccomended.

My suggestion is this. When you introduce the backstory for Walker, leave a hint or two in there that says that the experimental protocols that created him were under way long before their implementation. I suggest the 80's, as there was a lot of experimentation going on about that time under the noses of the American populace. It's a perfect start place.

I hope this was a useful response. I think you've got a working idea here, and I want to see it on the wiki. As a final point, I reccomend naming the pasta POWERDOGS, after the experiment that created Walker. It won't make sense until much later in the story, but that's okay, because the title will be very relevant and interesting enough for people to take a second look at the story, instead of just passing over it.

Happy writing.