Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25610621-20141101201840

I was told to post my pasta here so you guys can tell me what's wrong with it =) P.S. It used to have indentations on the paragraphs, but I found out you shouldn't do that, so I fixed it. Thanks! =)

My friend and I stood at the front door of a large stone house. Four faded white pillars jutted out of the ground and supported the overhanging part of the roof shielding us from the cold rain. "Dude, quit stressing, this place has been deserted for years." Matt said as I began looking around worriedly. "It still gives me the creeps." I replied. The only reason I was here was because I promised I'd check this place out. It was like the haunted house of the town with the cracked windows boarded up and everything in major disrepair. Everyone had a different story of what happened here. The only thing they all had in common was that the owner of the house suddenly vanished one night about five years ago, never to be found. Not even a body. "I'm going in." Matt said after a long pause. He reached down and grabbed the handle. The door drifted open without any labor on his part, apparently it was already open. That or it was never completely shut. He shrugged and stepped inside, the hardwood floor screeching as he shifted his weight. "Wait." I said, following closely behind him. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" He rolled his eyes. "You're such a baby." He jabbed as he clicked his flashlight on and started looking around. I did the same. The inside had two staircases parallel to each other winding up to the second floor. A gigantic crystal chandelier swayed threateningly over our heads but, (although I had doubts of its stability) I knew it wouldn't fall. There where a few articles of furniture and such blanketed in off-white sheets. Everything was covered with what seemed like inches of dust and cobwebs. "Why did you want to come here?" I questioned. "I don't know, curiosity I guess. It sounded exciting. Besides, I thought maybe we could look around for anything of value, it's not like anyone's going to care if we take something." I shot a quick glare in his direction as we walked up the old wooden steps of the right staircase. At the top was a large library with hundreds of dusty books lined neatly in long wooden shelves along the walls with a small coffee table in the center. Just like everything else, they where all shroud in a thick coat of dust. The room branched off into several hallways and doors, one of which led to a bedroom which seemed untouched, the sheets looked as though they had never been put back to normal after a rough nights sleep. Bored with the results of the upstairs, we headed back to down to the main room and found the steps to the basement. The basement was just a big mess of circuit boards, rusty metal, tools, and a large variety of robot looking things. "Wow." Matt said as we reached the bottom of the steps. "Looks like whoever lived here was a mechanic or inventor or something." He walked over to a pile of cracked and broken circuits. While he was busy searching for salvageable parts, I wandered to the left and down a wide hallway, piles of what could only be described as junk where lining the walls and strewn about the floor. I scanned over everything on the floor and than pointed the beam straight ahead to the back wall about fifteen feet in front of me. Suddenly my beam landed on a figure sitting limp in a chair at the end of the hall, It's back towards me and it's neck bent limply on a thirty degree angle. I jumped almost a foot and my first reaction was to run, but I soon realized that the back of its head had a metallic silver shine to it. I stepped closer, refocusing my flashlight beam on the figure and revealed it to be a human sized robot covered in thick metal platings overlapping one another and welded together. I began to move towards it when I noticed it's neck jerk slightly. I froze dead in my tracks. I heard an awful grinding noise as it's head began to turn around like an owl, it's neck still contorted by its limp posture. It's face was completely blank other than two large indentations where its eyes would be. They seemed to go on forever because of how dark they were. I stared at it. Gradually, it seemed to stare back with those black, soulless eyes. It started to stand and turn its torso with the grinding noises returning in perfect synchrony to its movements. I screamed and ran as fast as I could down the hallway and up the stairs, yelling Matt's name the whole time. I reached the top of the steps and glanced behind me, still able to hear the grinding. I ran into a tall figure and fell to the ground. "What's your problem man?!" Matt said as he looked down at me. I got up and ran to the door. "We need to get out of here NOW!" I yelled. He followed me outside and slammed the door behind us. I just kept running down the street, fearing it was still hunting me. "What happened?" He asked as he caught up with me. "Some freaky robot thing started moving!" I said with horror. "It tried to come after me." This explanation hit home with him. "Maybe that's what killed the guy living there!" He said like it was a million dollar idea. "I honestly don't want to know." I said, still shaking from the experience. "Do you think it will follow us?" We both looked back at the old house, now barely in view. "I don't see anything." He said after a few seconds. "What did it look like?" "It's about as big as a human, but it's covered in metal. And the face...it just has two holes for eyes, nothing else." I shivered at even thinking of it. "Creepy." He said nonchalantly. "It's getting late anyway, see you tomorrow." He walked up the driveway of a moderately sized white house with dark blue trim. I walked three more houses down to a tall, tan house and ran across the grass onto the steps. I swung open the door, tossed my backpack off and jogged the rest of the way upstairs to my room. The next thing I remember was my head hitting the pillow and I was out like a light. I woke up abruptly in the middle of the night. I had heard something, I didn't know what it was, but it was enough to wake me from a deep sleep. I looked around my dark room. I could only make out silhouettes of most things, everything else was pitch black. I did a full circle, searching my bedroom. My eyes stopped at the foot of my bed. I saw a silhouette of a tall, human figure. Upon closer inspection, I noticed around the center of the face, two large circles seemed to be somehow darker than the surrounding regions. My heart skipped a beat. The figure began to move, a familiar grinding sound pierced the darkness. I started screaming as I reached for the lamp on the small desk next to my bed and flicked it on. Light from the lamp flooded my room. Nothing. Nothing was here. It was completely silent. I pulled myself out of the blankets slowly. Something fell off my bed and began to roll as I positioned my foot to stop it. It was a rather large, round object with a cream like hue and a hole in the top surrounded by rough edges like it had been cracked. I rolled it over with my toe and my blood instantly froze. The other side had three holes near the top, two above with the third in the center and an attached jaw at the bottom. It was a human skull. Why was there a human skull in my room?! I ran downstairs and called the police, who arrived minutes later. I just let them into my room and went back to the kitchen, I wanted nothing to do with it. They drove me to the police station and asked a bunch of questions. Where did you find it? Do you know whose it is? Did you kill them? I answered all of them totally truthfully, than told them about the house, the robot, what it looked like, and that it was in my room. They looked at me like I was crazy. To be honest, I was starting to wonder myself. Suddenly, a short, stocky man with brown hair and a mustache burst through the door. "The results from downstairs just came in. They say it's him, Peter Walker, the guy who went missing a while back." "The one who owned the house this kid's been rambling about?" The bald officer who had questioned me the most asked. The stocky man nodded. "They said it looks like someone crushed his skull. With their hand." They all froze than looked at me like I was not so crazy anymore. The bald officer breathed in slowly. "Alright," He said with a conclusive tone. "We're going to the house, lets figure out what's behind all this." I merely cringed. Before I knew it I was being ushered to another cop car and when I was in, the driver and a caravan of about five cars rushed to the creepy old house. When we got there, a group of officers went in and a few minutes later motioned to another group to come inside. Almost two hours later, another cop came to the car to get me. We walked inside and than down the stairs, officers where walking around everywhere. The entire downstairs was now well illuminated by huge bright lamps. He escorted me down the wide hallway to the back wall where there were several officers standing around something, blocking my view. "Is this it?" The bald officer asked as I pushed my way through the group of people. They were standing around a desk chair facing the wall. Sitting limp inside was the robot, holding the same position as it did earlier. It looked completely the same, blank face except for two creepy eyes. "That's it." I said nodding. The officer looked at me and breathed out with that "Oh brother" look on his face. "This thing doesn't have a battery or cord. It has no way to get power. Electricity has never run through it's wiring." Those last words struck me like a blow to the face. "I saw him move earlier, he was in my room!" I said, upset that he didn't believe me. "Lets get out of here." He said rolling his eyes. They all turned around and began packing up. I looked once again at the dark metal face before following them back up the stairs. A chill ran up my spine and I shivered in disbelief as I stared into its cold, black eyes and than looked down at a crooked and disproportion smile newly etched beneath them. 