Talk:Venomous/@comment-MrDupin-20170220221909

I have to be honest, I didn't like this. I am afraid I am on the fence about deleting this, since I feel it's right on the QS delete/pass line (maybe scraping through, but I'm undecided yet).

Unfortunately there are quite a few things that I didn't like about this one. First, the writing is bland. There is no "bite" or "color" to the story. The narrator doesn't seem to have a personality and sounds uninteresting. You might have done this intentionally (to show that the narrator is not a very interesting character), but it just didn't work. Bland characters need an extraordinary environment to stand on, and here we didn't get it. Sure, the method of killing was an original and interesting idea, but the bland character doesn't have much to do with it.

Another thing is the method of killing itself. This one is purely my taste and I understand that others might like it, but I didn't like the "using animals as weapons" method. It is an interesting and weird method of killing, but the murders themselves are ordinary. Ordinary setting with ordinary people. The originality and peculiarity of the method is lost on the mundane of the execution. If you want to see the method (venomous creature used for murder) used nicely, I suggest you read one of Sherlock Holmes tales (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Adventure_of_the_Speckled_Band). I know I kinda spoiled the twist, but if you want to find more about how you could have made the story work, this is a must read. It shows how the peculiar "weapon" can be used in a peculiar murder.

What I liked about the story though was that structurally it was sound. It had a perfect pace and run smoothly from point to point. This is the main reason I have not outright deleted this. (The other reason is that it is unfair to compare this to Sir Artur Conan Doyle's story)

I'm afraid I didn't enjoy this. You are a very good writer, but this wasn't a right fit. It struck out, in my opinion.