God's History

Have you ever been interested in a subject in history? Wonder how your grandfather died in WWII perhaps? Interested in the start of creation of humanity? Well, this ritual can give you that. God contains all knowledge, yes? So someone has found a way to enter in heaven for an expendable amount of time. Well, only one room. But so be it, here's what you will need to due in order to see God's History.

Step 1: Find a church focusing on the religion of the God of Israel. To enter into heaven, you'll need to make God sleep. So you will have to turn off '''every light. '''So I suggest a small church, as the size of church does not determine how long you stay. The minimal amount of time for you to keep the church dark is 24 hours. Most people break the light bulbs, which is common practice. But what is important is that you must leave one bulb intact and in working order. Failure to do so will result God's wrath. For every 24 hours past, you will gain an additional 10 minutes. 24 hours = 10 minutes. You can use whatever method you like, going in fully armed or being sneaky and lock everyone out. Your choice. God knows you're doing this, but it's fine. He allows anyone, but don't follow the rules and you'll suffer.

Step 2: Pray on every single step. Minimum of 1 paragraph for each one. This is what the stairway of heaven is in the mortal world. Once you get on the last step, you'll be knocked unconscious. Can't really mess this one up, but this is the last time you can turn back.

Step 3: You'll wake up in a white room with a table and a computer. By the computer is a clock in the shape of a cross. It will tell you how much time you have left. Along with the table is an ax, which is for later. The time starts immediately, so begin your digging with haste. Rule 1: Don't search anything relating to Satan, it will render you insane and unable to leave as you will forget about the whole ritual. Rule 2: Don't stay after the clock runs out, God will wake up and smite you for being greedy. Rule 3: Never tell anyone your information you've found out or God will smite you for ruining the ritual for others. Everything else is free game, find out the mysteries that left the world in confusion. I mean everything from the past can be found here. Who made the donut hole? to secret experiments in the CIA. I mean everything from the past. Go for it.

Step 4: Once your done or the timer is at about 2 minutes before rundown, take the ax. Began to chop out a hole for you to go through. Don't worry the wall isn't thick, so you'll have no problem doing so. Once you've made it, go in the door or hole you made and "walk" out. In reality, you'll be falling from the sky of heaven. You'll land on the roof of purgatory. So yeah, you're killing "yourself". Yourself is really your soul. Exception 1: If you're too late, but shown that you're doing this step, God won't smite you. Instead your soul will die and once your life ends, it ends. Nothing afterwards. No heaven or hell. Just blank.

Step 5: You'll wake up at the top of the steps and you'll need to turn the light on in less than 1 minute. The demons now have a hole to go to heaven and ensue havoc. God will smite you if you don't. And depending on if hell is stronger, well, purgatory may just be the best place now. If that happens, you won't be granted immunity from what happens next. This will wake up God and he will patch the hole. He will then restart time to before the ritual. But you'll still have the knowledge. That's it. That's what happens if you do it right. God will also resurrect your soul too, so you still have a chance at heaven. God's placed a mark on you, so you can't do this again. As much as God likes playing games with his children, enough is enough. Enjoy your new knowledge.