Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29791712-20160217050100/@comment-29791712-20160226225630

MrDupin wrote: I will break the review up into two parts. First, the technical part. (Control+F to find)

"joint accompany those same Corona’s." - It's "Coronas".

In the third paragraph, you leave no lines between dialogue.

"how she tries her best to avoid gagging" - Gagging isn't the best word choice here. At first I thought the beer was so horrible she was gonna vomit. Try "cracking up" instead, or something.

"into claws that snaps our necks, or chokes" - It's "snap" instead of "snaps" and "choke" instead of "chokes".

"and a dim, and yellow light" - The following sounds better: "and a dim, yellow light".

"It’ll past, though. It always does." - It's "pass" instead of "past".

"playful expression usually display on his face" - It's "displayed". Personally though I would try and find another word entirely, "displayed" doesn't fit that nicely.

"there are worst people" - It's "worse".

"I always use to see her near my house" - I don't know if this is intentional or not (as it is in dialogue), but it's "used" instead of "use".

When Santi says "The story doesn't end here guys": Immediately after that, you have some italics. After the italics, the quotation mark should be deleted.

"to end my limb’s uncontrollable movement" - It's " limbs' " instead of " limb's ".

"I’m startle by the sudden sound" - It's "startled".

"I don’t know what I did. The beers…" - This is one of the last lines in the story. It's dialogue, so it needs a closing quotation mark.

Who says the very last line? If it's Santi, it should be on the same line as his previous dialogue. Thanks for pointing out the grammar mistakes. I'll include and fix everything once I post this story on the WW again.