Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33470154-20180317012512/@comment-34823985-20180317155932

There's no need to introduce each paragraph. "This is," and "Here is," slows down the story. You could also use more description. Did the cutlery slowly float down to the floor or did they drop suddenly? What did that look like, sound like? What does Ren scared and freaked out look like? Go through the story and ask yourself questions like that. This definitely needs to be fleshed out more. Decide if you really want to invest more time in this story, because it needs more work. Good luck and have fun. :)