Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-2007196-20190706200104/@comment-2007196-20190707174900

BloodySpghetti wrote: Somewhere in Texas, there exists a manuscript titled “Malormelar”. I do not know what this word means, since it doesn’t appear in any English dictionary, and my mastery of other languages is limited at best. - Somewhere in Texas as in where in Texas? Texas is full of cities and people and all that jazz.

"Don't know what it means, but Im using the internet... so I guess I don't know what online translators are either"

The rest of the story is just literally a bunch of cliches done very badly for the sake of plot convinience and very low quality shock value. Telling me; "deformed fetuses" won't make me feel worse than tell me "dead people". Not scary.

The way the events unfold indicate the pragonist is probably licking firing because he wonders what it tastes like and should be dead because he's a complete idiot who forgot how to properly breath. Not to mention how everything is just randomly in place.

I'm kind of certain gas stations work around the clock, so this whole mess could've been avoided.

How you should improve it? first give me more detail where you want to shock me.

Second, make the whole thing more life-like no one is dumb enough to look around fifty seven abandoned shacks for a chance to find some gas in one of them. How about encountering a strange person who offers you to stay at his place for the night. Said man turns out to be the last citizen of a ghost town and in his house the narrator finds a bunch of things that had gone wrong.

Just a suggestion

this is why I post stories here so i realize how garbage they are before I make the mistake of posting them for realz