Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-43632659-20190826202857/@comment-9041013-20190827183519

I think it's too short. I didn't have time to immerse in that. It's also kind of a little in your face, kind of tell don't show. You should let me see, feel almost take part in the plot and not tell me "A happened, B happened, C happened"

It needs some polishing and it should work