Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35280243-20160206000728

I wrote this story a few weeks back and decided to post it here in Writer's Workshop hoping to get some constructive criticism on anything that I could change or revise before posting this as a new page on the wiki. Its one of my first pastas so its just a start. So as always my dear listeners, hope you enjoy!

“Where…where am I?” I think as my mind begins to come too. I can feel a very damp and chilling surface beneath me, like cobblestone that’s been exposed to the elements on a harsh winter’s eve. The air around me smells of dust that has been unsettled after a hibernation that was long overdue of a wake-up call and all that I can hear is the sound of a haunting wind, whistling its sorrowful, solemn tune. I slowly open up my eyes and lift myself off the ground like a mummy being awoken from a long slumber when suddenly, that’s when the pain hits me. Every single joint in my body feels as if it has been dislocated and every muscle feels like they’ve been torn again and again, beyond repair. Through all this excruciating agony I’m able balance myself on the frigid ground that feels exceedingly unsteady, as if a few of the stone slabs have become loose from age. As I finally get my balance I catch my first glimpse at the dreadful place that surrounds me. From the looks of it I’m in a castle, a very old one at that as the ground and walls seem to be covered with overgrown foliage, and the rampart windows near the top of the room seem to have been blown out, welcoming the snowy wind from the abyss beyond. As I get a grip of my surroundings I realize the amount of darkness around me as I can barely make out what seems like multiple passageways, stretching out in all directions. I turn towards the front of the chamber and notice looming before me is a large wooden door.

“Ah, the exit,” I say as I begin to slowly approach the doorway. But just as I get in arms reach I hear a distant sound that makes my blood run cold and freezes me in my tracks. The sound is faint, but sounds like scraping, almost as if someone is dragging metal against decaying stone. It seems to be emanating in the distance down the hallway to my right and coming towards where I currently stand, cold and terrified. As it begins to encroach upon me the sound gets louder and louder until the screeching becomes so incredibly loud that I take a step back in pain. As the sound begins to reach a deafening point I look towards the desolate hall for its source, and at first all I can make out is a silhouette in the dim moonlight. From first glance I notice its long razor like claws grinding away at the walls of stone. As I stare at the abomination it begins to smile with a deathly grin of sharp, pointed teeth. And it’s eyes, oh its eyes burn the most crimson red that look like they were taken from the deepest depths of hell. There I stand frozen in its gaze, my mind almost in a comatose state, unable to absorb what I see standing before me. Luckily in the state of events my body breaks from its paralysis and comes back to life as I turn my back to the monstrosity and allow my legs to carry me down the opposite passageway, rushing as far away from that, ‘thing’ as possible. As I run I can hear it match my pace behind me as I quickly turn into a room, hoping to lead to safety, some sort of safe haven, but instead all I get is a useless dead end.

“Come on,” I tell myself, “think.” In the room before me is a desk and from what appears to be an old wardrobe. Outside I can hear that god awful scraping sound approaching the chamber and approaching fast. I dash for the wardrobe and open it. As I jump in the empty space, I close the doors with a swift bang. After a moment or two I hear heavy breathing and make out the sound of claws creating a tap tap taping sound on the walls of the environment beyond. I dare not make a sound as I hold my breath to keep my hiding place secret. Finally after what seems to be hours of dreadful waiting, the monster moves on and silently I creep into the dark room. After the adrenaline subsides I begin to think about what I have done to deserve such a fate as this, what events in my life have come to bring me into such a nightmare. This is when a painful reality sets in. Who am I? It almost feels as if a piece of my memory has been wiped clean, leaving nothing but a blank void. As I try to force my memory to come back by pacing the room, I approach the desk where I spot a candle and beside it a box containing a few matches.

“Finally some good luck”, I mutter as I strike a match and light the candle, dispelling some of the shadows around me. I lift the candle from its resting place and notice a note isolated a top the surface. I grasp it with shaking hands and begin to read in the candle light.

 To my most precious player,

''Isn’t it so very kind of you to join us in our little game of sorts? Now, now, now, I know it’s hard to remember but do not fret as there is still a slight glimmer of hope. Find the pieces, complete the puzzle and you shall be awarded with the gift of your memory, and hopefully your beloved freedom.''

Farewell and good luck,

My beloved challenger





“What…the fuck is this? What kind of game am I playing? I never would have signed up for such a thing, and puzzle, I don’t care about some puzzle, why am I”, as suddenly my thought is cut short by the gut wrenching sound of metal on stone which seems to be rushing towards the chamber at an alarming rate. I grab the candle, stuff the note into my pocket and dash out of the room, away from that dreadful sound.

I’ve continued traversing this labyrinth for what seems like hours, days even, but every time I get a glimpse at the moon from the skylights above it seems to be motionless in the starless sky. I’ve run into the monster avoiding it with a few close calls, but I plan not to get caught as I do not know what inhumane things it may do. From what I’ve come to learn, I need to find letters and matches to light my way, scattered throughout the endless terrifying castle. As I collect the letters, slivers of my memory start to become clearer and clearer. So far I’ve deciphered my name, which is Max, bits and pieces of my family and heritage but the rest remains a blur. As I continue to press on in search of the letters and memories, I turn another damp, desolate corner of this hellish maze to find another chamber much like the first at the start of my journey. Right as I enter a breeze of frosty wind blows out my light source. I pull out the box of matches, only to realize that they have run dry. I spy the letter across from me and move closer to attempt to read it in the very little light left around me.

 To my strong contender,

''If you are reading this my dear friend, assuming you haven’t been torn to shreds, you have made it very far. Far further than expected and further than any of the others before you. Yes, you are most definitely a special one Max, so special in fact that the path to your freedom is close. What is important now is that you find where it all began, for upon that unsteady ground may you find the key you’ve been looking for.''

Sincerely,

Your respectable overseer

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[6860,7514,0,0]}"> Once I finish the letter another memory descends into my mind, but this time it is not of my life before this, it’s the memory of my waking, upon that very unsteady grou…that’s it! As the riddle hits me I turn and dash out of the room, down the hall and towards the main chamber, with little thought of the amount of sound I produce. I rush to the loose stones that I had laid upon for what seems like ages ago and begin to tear them from the icy floor. Once the stones have been removed I search the dark crevasse and I find a small wooden box along with an iron hatchet. Within the box I find yet another letter and beneath it, lay a medium sized key.

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[7516,7546,0,0]}"> To my successful participant,

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[7548,7970,0,0]}">''Congratulations my dear boy! I believe this calls for a round of applause as you have come to beat this little maze of mine. Oh how fun it was to guide you through my most beloved masterpiece! That key before you shall open the exit behind you to the world beyond. But now don’t think that were finished so soon. You still have one last obstacle, one last hurrah, as it is always important to go out with a bang, isn’t it?''

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[7972,7984,0,0]}">Yours truly,

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[7986,8017,0,0]}">Your one and only puppet master

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[7986,8017,0,0]}">

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[8019,10793,0,0]}">I stare at the letter in my hands and then at the key which now appears to be my only salvation out of this living Hell. As I grip the key before me all of it comes flooding back. Memories begin to storm through my mind like a surge of electricity. I remember everything, my name, family, country and most importantly my home…oh God, this place, this God Forsaken place resembles…my beloved home. But this castle I’m kept captive in cannot be my home, as it is some twisted, distorted version of where I once lived. My mind continues to ponder the constant source of new memories when a noise a few meters in front of me disturbs my train of thought. I look up from where I sit to see that awful creature with its crimson eyes and deathly grin, winder than ever, piercing my soul as its claws make a tap tap taping sound on the wintery cobblestone. From this spot I now see one of the most disturbing and terrifying things I have ever witnessed. It is not its eyes, smile or even claws that frighten me anymore, but its structure, its physique, its face. The thing standing not merely 7 meters from me, despite its abnormalities, resembles…myself. My mind tries to contemplate what I see. This has to be some kind of nightmare right? This can’t be real, it has to be some form of imagination I think as I stare into its ungodly eyes, but despite the fear in my heart I will not allow this dream to win. I grab the hatchet while clasping the key in my other hand and make a run for the door. I hear the creature behind me laugh a diabolical laugh and then dash in pursuit. As I run towards the wooden barrier of this nightmare it begins to seem so close yet so far, almost as if the short chamber has transformed into another near endless passageway. I can hear the monster’s heavy breathing behind me as I reach the door and shove the key into the keyhole without hesitation. I use the hatchet to pry the door open to the dark, wintery night. I try to move towards my freedom, the final step only to find, that I can’t…almost as if an invisible barrier lies between me and the world beyond. My mind begins to fall into despair as there seems to be no hope, nowhere left to run, when it all clicks. The monster is almost within arm’s reach now as I stare down at the hatchet in my hand. My last obstacle, “the last piece of the puzzle”, I think to myself as I begin to turn to face my dark doppelganger. But just as I raise my arm and prepare my final stand I realize, I’m too late. The monster grapples onto me with all its strength as I feel its claws dig into my flesh. I fall to the ground, blood pouring from my wounds, and as my vision slowly starts to fade into darkness I can make out the red crimson of the monster’s eyes that begin to form the words; “Game Over.”

<p data-parsoid="{"dsr":[10795,11454,0,0]}">“Where…where am I?” I think to myself as my mind begins to come too. I can feel the cold winter breeze on my skin as I slowly begin to rise on unstable ground from my laying position. Agonizing pain shoots through every inch of my body as I stand to get a glance at my surroundings. It appears I’m in a dark castle that seems almost overgrown with age and decay. I look around to see dark passages in all directions and a large wooden door in front of me, emanating a haunting presence. “Ah the exit,” I say, as start to walk towards it. But just as I place my hand on the frigid handle I hear, from the hall to my left, a scraping sound off in the distance. <ac_metadata title="A Cryptic Nightmare (unreviewed)"> </ac_metadata>