Talk:A Dead God/@comment-5239282-20141226052711

I prefer the first half to the second. The premise is honestly one of the most imaginative and brightest I've ever heard, and you built up suspension quite well.

What I most enjoyed was the sense of nihilism and hopelessness you got from the protagonist and his surroundings, even if it was by rather conventional soliloquies. This was brought to the fore by the introduction of "God."

It really felt like humanity's been put on a timer and the protagonist began dealing with his mortality. I also liked how it contrasted with how oblivious literally everything else was. As custom for similar-themed stories, it minimized the protagonist's feelings and made them feel... small and helpless in comparison to the grand scheme of things.

All these sublime elements and nuances... You didn't emphasize in the latter half (after the description of God). Maybe you didn't realize how much potential it had. But I noticed you spend too much time with the protagonist's interactions, especially when they have no effect on the story's tone. Like they only serve to advance the story. With the first half devoted to establishing the scene and the protagonist's feelings, it becomes unbalanced when it shifts so suddenly.

Another problem I had is you lack characterization for most other people aside from the protagonist. And for as much influence the church has on the world, it still remains rather nebulous and unimportant to the God plotline.

The ending sort of eliminates the possibility of that same nihilism. If anything you gave hope to the minority as now they have renewed faith and sponsor (thought now they're a bit cult-like). The abrupt personification of God took away a bit of the mystique and esoteric-ness He held.

In that sense it no longer feels like traditional "Lovecraftian" horror. If anything it'd better befit Lovecraft Lite. I commend you for transcending genre restrictions, though.

So much untapped material to go forward with... I encourage you to continue the story. As it is, it's unfinished, so I can't make the best critique. With such an open-ended ending, it'll depend largely on what direction you take...