Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9967354-20140702062156

The Tree of Hearts

The Tree of Hearts

The tree of hearts does live and grow; It feeds on us and this I know Is heresy -it's late for me, It's been too long and I must go.

But once again I want to see, The heart beat stop and life-flow bleed Into the soil. But if I stay, I know that mother won't be pleased.

She says this tree is where life lay When she fist saw what she had made. She did relent; the gods did, too, And promised her another way.

Mother says stories are true, Stories that the ancients drew. Mother lies, I know this all; All know this. All but a few.

The tree is great; the tree is tall. The tree's the bond inside us all. The tree is life; it's death in bloom. For one myst die or we will fall.

These guilty times have always loomed On us and it will be quite soon. To end nine months will come that day, When one the rest will have to doom.

To let one go so we might stay; To sacrifice brothers this way. Impregnate sisters, kill babies. Tree lives, we live. With more dismay.

It has been our legacy, Kill one in ceremony. Then bring up yet another child; Hope one day we will be free.

She said it's fine? Then mother lied. I have not see what is inside. I was not there. But does that mean, The truth of life I will not find?

Forests in out every dream! Hanging limbs that branch and gleam In the light as lymph red pours down. Can't undo what we have seen.

The tree is us? Then we shall drown! Take it along without a sound. Must end it while it is still weak, Knowing too well how we are bound.

Goodbye, for now. While I have been Brave! On a childish quest's routine. One for the sake of our kind? I wasn't there, but does that mean, The truth of life I will not find? Our kind is sick with life.

I've been working on my idea of a 'heart-tree' for a while, now, and finally I have succeeded in jotting it down as a poem. I'm rather proud of this -although I fear I'll look back and loathe it tomorrow- but I don't think I have managed to express the idea well in this poem. I can use some help here. Hopefully I have managed to explain the concept of the heart-tree living on one soul for a nine month period (which I chose as a symbol of life) and it sustaining the people for that time. Hopefully I have managed to to bring out the child's hatred for that tree, and the reason why the mother couldn't let her know the truth. If I haven't (assuming you've read the poem before this), I could use some suggestions as to how I can achieve this.

Also, I could use another title. The one I'm using is boooring.

Thanks a bunch! 