Talk:Tear Waster/@comment-25052433-20140921072938

You wake up. Something evil is sitting on the pillow next to you. It radiates vile. You pick it up and see that it is.....a review!

What went right:

-So, let's talk about 2nd person stories. They aren't easy to pull off, and usually tend to fall flat. You did this well though. It took me a second to get into the story, as I was suddenly the protagonist of the story, but after a few lines, I got into it, and it was a fun read.

-You descriptions were well constructed. It was easy to see what you were describing in detail. Great job pulling me into the story.

-Your monster in this story was spot on. It radiated pure evil, as it tortured the victim, for apparently no other reason than its own enjoyment. Nicely done.

What part of this nightmare do I wish I could wake up from:

-Piggybacking off of my opening statement, let's look back at 2nd person. While you did write it well, there are a ton of flaws in writing this way. Let's look at a few,

1. It was very difficult for me to get into the depth of the story, simply because it was written in 2nd person, yet none of what you were describing actually applies to me, so that made it very difficult for me to get into. What it caused me to do, was have to develop a character for the protagonist, that was being written as though it were happening to me, yet it was happening to this character. Too many moving pieces there.

2. 2nd person, at least in my opinion, forces plot devices and hooks to exist where they should not. The switchblade, for example. I don't own a switchblade, so, trying to picture myself removing this device that I wouldn't actually have available just made the entire process feel forced. The whole time I was reading this, I just kept thinking "No, I wouldn't do that...why is this story telling me that I am doing this."

3. 2nd person tends to replace character development with immediate story immersion. While this is okay in certain, rare situations, it also produces stories that lack deep characters. What ended up being produced here, was just a story about some regular joe-blow with really bad luck getting murdered. I felt no emotional connection to this character because he/she was never really introduced to me. That took a lot away from the emotional grit that should have occurred during the very graphic murder scene.

-I think my point here is that, while in some cases 2nd person is a good technique, it doesn't carry over well in most cases.

Overall, this was a very ambitious story. Using the 2nd person was unique, as we don't see very many of those, and your technique and wordage were all point on. I do admire your use of a rarely used tense, but I would not advise many people to really use it.

I would actually love to see this story done again in 1st or 3rd person, to really bring out its fullest potential. Either way, these are just my thoughts, and at the end of it all, this is a quality piece of writing. Great job.