Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20140820070051/@comment-25156307-20140822022416

A quick question: is the wife's name Gloria or Victoria? It seems like Victoria is the wife at the end, but her character is introduced as Gloria.

For other things, I'd suggest expanding the beginning. You could cast even more suspicion onto Damon by extending the time until the reveal: have the main character discover a few incriminating notes from Damon to his wife, show Ronald snapping at Damon and Damon's suspicious reaction, and have the main character gradually driven to tail either Damon or his wife to where he believes that they are going to meet. Something else needs to happen before we learn the truth. I just didn't feel that there was a gradual enough descent into horror.

Additionally, I would have liked to see more resolution with the Damon plot. The affair was unrelated to the fact that the wife was a monster, but I expected it to have some relevance to the reveal (and I think it need to). One way to do it would be to make the reason Victoria has an affair with Damon is to feed him to her kids. She could then kill Ronald because he intended to turn her in. That would tie in the affair to the horror, and bring everything full circle.