Talk:I'm Worried About My Son/@comment-26054278-20150424001315

I know I commented on this a while back, but after I established in my "Blue Moon" review that I would be taking a look at all the pastas nominated for "PotM" for every single month (maybe a bit too ambitious), I ended up revisiting this one to an even more positive response.

In my previous short little comment, I regarded it as "an absolute work of genuis" while spelling one of the words wrong, clearly showing my previous lack of spell-check and proof-reading. However, this time I'd love to do this story justice by spelling words properly this time around.

The reason this story is quite genius is not only because of the excellent twist ending, but also because of how the story manages to keep the interest of the reader intact throughout every single sentence.

I know this may sound like an odd statement to make, but I have to say that the fact that the first sentence isn't just the title is something I'm glad you did. It kind of bothers me when the title of the story and the first sentence are exactly the same, as I feel like putting the title as the first sentence is pretty unnecessary. However, you added the word "very", which at least emphasizes the worry of the father a bit more and isn't a complete copy of the title.

Moving swiftly on to what I was talking about earlier, it adds more information as the reader continues, building up this short, intriguing mystery before delivering upon that final twist ending. I could discuss every single line of this and discuss their impact on the story, but if I did, this would be much too long in comparison to the actual pasta.

I will say that you did avoid a big misstep in terms of categories. Usually, I come across some pastas that have interesting ideas and vague endings, but the category usually explains what the author intended. However, due to the fact that "Ghosts" and "Mental Illness" are both added, it leaves it much more open to interpretation than having one or the other.

My only, small nitpick here that doesn't make this get a perfect score is right in one of the earlier sections:

"It makes me think there's something wrong."

Isn't the fact that this kid is dead is wrong enough? I know WriterJosh is most likely alluding to the fact that the kid came back and is doing nothing, but I still don't think this sentence really makes too much sense after you know what the twist is.

Regardless, this is still one of my favorites and a nearly flawless short pasta. 9.75/10.

More critiques by me can be found by clicking the following link: My Critiques