Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26407997-20151120193419/@comment-26399604-20151121225100

Electrolord,

I did note a few discrepancies that I would like to address first.

First, you should chop up the first paragraph. It can easily be separated into about 4 or 5 paragraphs to prevent the massive wall of text. It's usually a quick red flag for most readers and often people will refuse to read a story simply on presentation.

Second, the "blood watch" should be capitalized as "Blood Watch" since it is the name of an event.

Finally, in the last paragraph, ensure that you have one space away from the period when starting a new sentence, again this reflects on presentation. The last sentence should have a period as well.

Now we'll move on to critiquing the actual story.

Although short, the story does present the ideal tone and threat. You do a decent job setting up the atmosphere while rendering a somewhat unknown fear factor of the monsters. I noticed the title of this thread says prologue. Is that an indication that a full story is in the works? If that not, I do encourage so.

I feel adding more to the story will greatly enhance it. You don't have to make a full fledge novella (unless you wish to), but I think more content whether back story or continuation would be a recommended decision. As it stands, the story could be seen as cliché and most likely will not make the cut, but again, if you are simply getting feedback on the initial beginning, then I would say you're off to a good start.

I do look forward to reading more of this story, if and hope you will continue to add more to it. Please let me know if you like a more in depth review in the future or if simply wish to bounce off ideas. I love brainstorming concepts and ideas of stories.