Talk:Cold Storage/@comment-5614678-20161205200311/@comment-28266772-20161207140402

Hey I've reviewed this and it suffers from tense changes. But tense errors like this aren't minor mechanical issues that others can fix; there's a fundamental disconnect between this story's different time frames. I'd recommend looking at my blog on tenses here, but the gist of it is this.

Lines like "I stand up, and I begin to pour the gas all over Jim's body" are simple present tense.

Lines like "I'm colder than I've ever been" are present progressive tense.

The real problem is you merging present progressive and simple present tense. Just give it a re-read and fix the disconnect between the two (it really doesn't matter which one you pick).

But no one can fix it without changing the wording so really, it's up to you. As it is though all other aspects are well written and well put together. It would be a massive shame to see an original and interesting story get hamstrung by such a simple problem.

Also marked for review is not for you to mark your story for proofreading. In the future if you think there are errors post it to the workshop first. Don't post it here and then mark it so others can fix your mistakes. In fact, you can still do post to the WW now and get a more in-depth review and then come back here and update the story-proper.