Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24143974-20141211092728/@comment-25769703-20141211101123

Hey,

So i will be very blunt in order to help you. 'It really needs alot of work'

Firstly, you begin with 'It was cold' very cliche, try expanding the opening sentence they are the real eye openers.

We get it's some sort of ghost it's been written x100 times why is your ghost special!!!!

Being in a room 'very cliche'

Being in a house 'very cliche'

It would be awesome if he was stuck in an iglu and saw a ghost in the artic atleast thats something no one would of heard before 'supplies etc' thats what i am writing in my next pasta.

'it could keep me warm' - would be a better wording.

Cliches  *covers face* come up with a better story develop and come back :)

'The ghostly figure was a woman dressed in all-white, appeared in her late 20's, and appeared pale'
 * 'I fear the worst is yet to come'
 * 'You'll never get out of here'