Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4997457-20150831002024/@comment-24101790-20150831002250

I'm sorry, but story was riddled with errors, punctuation (apostrophes missing from possessive words like neighbor(')s garden", commas missing from words indicating pauses in sentence flow, punctuation marks used incorrectly: ""Can you turn that flippin music off Bryan!(?)""), capitalization (failure to capitalize the start of a number of sentences, not being uniform when capitalizing mom as a proper noun, improperly capitalizing words: "That's when I noticed She was", etc) wording ("Bent upwards, shaking unnervingly." broken sentences, ), grammar (your=possession, you're=you are. it's=it is, its=possession "it's yellow paint", "it's tone", etc.), and story issues.

The author's mental track jumps around to random/unimportant thoughts, Claire's hatred comes out of nowhere and has no reason (explanation for these things are needed when writing a story), how was the mother killed so quickly/quietly (especially since there's written messages in blood (Cliche) that have dried. Additionally you should look over symptoms because visual and auditory hallucinations are rarely coupled and it is extremely obvious when someone is suffering. Your story needs a lot of work and it feels like you typed all of this without any proof-reading. Then there's the nonsensical ending that has zero build-up or reference in the story. There are a lot of issues here that drastically lower the overall quality of the story.