Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44961624-20200131054618/@comment-36627132-20200131060402

The overall concept and story bare too much of a similarity to the Russian Sleep Experiment. Especially when the doctors decide to try to use gas, and when the patient tears herself apart.

The pharagraphs are way too stretched out which gives it a rather unpleasant look to it.

As for the spelling, it leaves a lot to be desired. In many places there are double spaces, inccorect capitalizations, spaces after quotation marks, and a few misspelled words (i.e. "cieling", " viens", "amd"). I suggest using a spell checking program for your next story.

The story is lacking in creep factor. It is hard for the reader to be afraid of the patients' hallucinations when they are merely a figment of their imaginations, and the necrophile stuff is thrown in there simply for cheap shock factor.

The November 17, 1935 entry has a tense swap at the end.

Now that all that is out of the way, I have two minor suggestions. Spell out numbers, i.e. "six" instead of just 6 as it gives a story a more professional look. And get ride of the disclaimer saying that the story is fictional. Everyone already knows that most of the stories presented here are fiction.