Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27080023-20151015114153/@comment-25148755-20151113005642

Not bad. Actually fairly creepy. There are definitely punctuation errors as you've already pointed out and just fixing those will probably be enough to make this good enough to avoid deletion. One fairly major suggestion... As the story is written I don't think the final twist, that Evangeline is a monster still intent on luring them upstairs, works. Because you start the story of with the narrator letting the reader know this is a story from her past, we know she survives to tell the tale. I would suggest cutting the first paragraph completely. Changing the verb tense to present or narration to third person would make the twist work much more effectively, in my mind, although this would take a good bit of effort.