Talk:There Might Be Something Amiss/@comment-25941663-20150127122228

This has lots of potential. At times it was really unnerving. If the story was more consinstent on the creepiness, this could have been very good.

Also, the ending just didn't do it for me. It was unexpected, yes, but it felt kinda rushed. The bad thing that happened to the narrator had no 'impact'. It just wasn't strong. I would have preffered something more direct, in this kind of story. Like I had the impression that behind those black glasses there would be people watching, or something like that. I think I would have preffered that.

Finally, I have a little remark to make. You write: "The man did not look out of the ordinary at all."

You should consider cutting that, it feels out of place and breaks the reader's immersion. Everyone suspects that he is not ordinary and saying that he is gives it away immediately. It would be better to let the reader find that on his own.

Overally, you have written a nice pasta, especially for a first try. Well done.

Oh, if you post your own work, use the By-User template.