Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-40022501-20190927044821/@comment-9041013-20190927161141

It reads like a bad action flick where the filmmakers get a bunch of facts wrong because it's cooler or they don't know better. You can't fit 40 huskies like a decent owner into a single SUV, the dogs are too big. For example.

The story kind of drags on at points which does indicate it needs some trimming.

On top of that, I think you've lost the setting of your story too, or the interval between stories is so long that I've forgotten the setting.

The characters are mostly flat, aside from the main couple, which at points come off as stupid as well "an eskimo cousion of the yeti"

The premise is decent, however, the execution is too drawn out for a short story. If you'd like to write a whole novel, the chapters as they are now are too light on the content and the characters are somewhat underdeveloped. So my suggestion would be either add more meat to each chapter and make everyone and everything important (as Christian said, every word has to count) or cut this thing into a basic short story and make it feel deeper with less verbal content.

The ending section is all over the place, first we start of with the "Im the hero of the people" motif which is just random. They came to hunt something, that should be their objective all along. That is, unless this morality schtick sticks throughout the plot and develops further. Then we get to the scene where the thing is shot, it's like I'm reading about an experienced hunter who shoots a buck for meat and misses. It has no emotional value at all. "You've missed man!" "Ah shit..." If you encounter a cryptid you should feel something, it's scary or exciting or something other than "well imma shoot this now." Missing the shot should also cause some reaction, especially with the whole "it's killing people - I must put it down" from earlier. It's just dry and not very reliable. If the characters don't care, why should I?