Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5952769-20171202125304/@comment-33980233-20171216062035

I like this one, the creatures are like something you'd see in a nightmare, and the whole thing has that really good dreamlike quality to it. I would however look again at how you wrote it, conciseness is important and a few parts can be omitted entirely, as well as certain sentences restructured. Cheryl's character seemed to shift like 3 times during the course of the story, and I think you should look more at how she is written.

-biomechanicalmush