Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26867018-20150816012050/@comment-26399604-20150818022020

N.C.L.Rollo,

I would like to first note that your story is filled with an abundant of grammatical errors. The errors made it too hard to progress through the story and often took my attention away. I recommend copying your story into Microsoft Word; it is a very resourceful tool, eliminating most mistakable errors.

+Here is an example of one error I noticed. This was an incomplete sentence: "When he saw something resembling a bundle of fur laying in the snow."

Another reoccurring error I saw was the use of "it's" instead of "its." It's understandable for the wrong usage of the word. To help figure out how to use it properly, split up the conjunction to the word's base form, "it is." Here's an example; "it is eyes were black" and "its eyes were black," which sounds better?

I am not insulting your intelligence or am I making fun of you. I simply saw this error in too many areas to not address it.

+Secondly, there are several sentences with awkward wording; the first sentence is a perfect example of that. I had to reread that sentence four times, not to mention the entire paragraph as a whole. A good practice, which is what I do when I edit my own stories, and when I read others, is to do so out loud. When you read it out loud versus in your mind, you can catch how a sentence sounds and possibly make the proper adjustment.

+Thirdly, you have a lot areas where your story appears as huge blocks. Believe it or not, most people will not attempt to read a story in that appearance. This can be eye-straining, intimidating, or simply draining. Try to break up your paragraphs; there are few cases where one can be broken up into three alone.

I hope you do not take these noted points as a means to bash your writing. These issues can distract the illusion of the tale you wish to immerse your reader in. I hope you take the time to correct these discrepancies, not get discouraged, and resubmit your story. I look forward to reading it after the corrections. Once that is done, I can properly make my critiques about your story.