Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26384782-20150528220035/@comment-24101790-20150528220829

First things first, don't indent paragraphs, it can cause formatting issues.

Punctuation issues: “So this is death(,/. missing”. Apostrophes missing from contractions and words denoting possession: "whats", "death(')s sweet release."

Wording issues: " It whales (wails) on and on and on", "It is a sight you have seen many times before, but it hasn’t got you yet." Malapropisms. " here the chewing"

Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. ("it’s massive jaws") their/there/they're issues: "there terrible song" your=possession, you're=you are. "Your not dead."

Story issues. The story seems similar to this, which is not good as it is a troll pasta. Taking a subject and trying to make it dark is not the best formula. As seen by the fact that many Lost Episode stories have been removed and video game theories are running into their fair share of issues.