User talk:Banned In CP

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Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!

SoPretentious (talk) 17:43, May 10, 2016 (UTC)

EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:58, May 10, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Story
I'll include this guide written on poetry as it really goes in-depth with common issues and problems. For being only three quatrains, there are a lot of issues here. Let's first look at the ABAB rhyme scheme and the overuse of slant rhymes. Rhymes like "warm/concern" and "eyrie/eerie" really need revision as they take up a third of the rhymes in the poem and really strip it of its lyrical feel and break the flow.

Now let's look at the wording issues. Lines like: "Their taught (taut) sinews to be strung as of a rancid lute" and "Winds blow is (as) t’were atop a lone eyrie" really give the poem a rushed and lacking revision feel. There is also very little plot/focus here. The fact that it jumps from a focus on the occupants of the great hall ("Despair’ of the finest to be spun / Alas, thy repasts are this dusty old soot!") to a sword ("Though deep under the scabbard of the tarnished blade / Winds blow is t’were atop a lone eyrie") really gives the poem/plot an unfocused feel.

As you've had these issues pointed out before, I'll cut this review short by advising you to read that guide thoroughly and maybe submit your next poem to the writer's workshop for feedback before attempting to upload it on the site. I hope that helps. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:12, May 12, 2016 (UTC)

Writing
I removed the indents on your story as it was causing white boxes that made the text difficult to read. If you're looking to differentiate between the writers, you can try italicizing text by using two apostrophes to start and at the end of text you want in italics ( text ). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:43, October 25, 2016 (UTC)

Recent Edit
Your last edit left formatting errors that made the story a challenge to read. Eliminate the spaces at the beginning of each paragraph and then please republish your edit.

TenebrousTorrent  01:49, October 31, 2016 (UTC)


 * Already corrected it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:52, October 31, 2016 (UTC)

:/
yeah honestly I did no research whatsoever lol, and dude I should just hand the story over to you :(

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 02:20, January 24, 2017 (UTC)

which one one of your pastas do you recommend the most?

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 04:59, January 24, 2017 (UTC)

Hello. I apologize for stepping in the middle of your conversation, but I wanted to say that it is theoretically possible to move back (and forward) in time with a wormhole.

I'm the Hand of God. The one where he holds the spear 13:02, January 24, 2017 (UTC)

Hmmm... I've been going from what my Modern Physics teacher has said, but I'll do some online investigations as well and see what comes up.

Banned In CP (talk) 22:24, January 24, 2017 (UTC)

Iv'e done some looking using several sources, and it seems the only thing that physicists seem to be aboe to agree on is that yes, wormholes are possible, and that they are so unstable that anything more than a photon wouldn't be aboe to travel through them, and even that would be iffy. Sent links to my teacher, though, to see what he thinks about the disagreement, so I'll tell you what he says.

Banned In CP (talk) 23:18, January 24, 2017 (UTC)

Yoooooo just the read the Airborne Gift, and I must s A you I enjoyed it's it from beginning to end. I'm curious on how you got the name for the story though

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 02:50, January 25, 2017 (UTC)

Looking forward to all your future works. We should collaborate sometime in her near future as well.

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 03:49, January 25, 2017 (UTC)

Something revolutionary, something never before seen on this site. I don't know one What though lol, you got any ideas? (And that's like 1/4 of the pasta, and I still need to end to that portion, it'll be better when I'm done)

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 04:19, January 25, 2017 (UTC)

That's actually a really good idea but since it's one of your stories that intertwines with the rest and you've put thought into it I don't want to be trying to write something which you don't agree with, if we do a collar we should do something from scratch and something we both can enjoy writing without having any creative differences. Like I'm also working on a 911 call between a dispatcher and a six year old girl but I didn't mention it since I feel like we would keep going back and forth with different ideas... so if we're going to do something it should be from scratch?

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 06:16, January 25, 2017 (UTC)

......you're a genius. Or e-mails.

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 12:34, January 25, 2017 (UTC)

Good idea, or maybe we can do two pastas, on each using emails and the other using letters? And somehow we'll make both of them connect? And for the villain, I feel like the rabid, razor-clawed monster is a bit cliché, how about an intelligent entity/being from another realm/dimension/reality? That way we can make it more suspenseful? But then again that's just a suggestion

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 07:35, January 26, 2017 (UTC)

Dude..... that's literally what I had in mind! But only one cousin should be an explorer, discovering something somewhere and then one of the emailing people takes a vacation somewhere and is going through the same things as their ancestors?

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 07:35, January 26, 2017 (UTC)

Hmm good idea but we also give a sneak peak on the entity with the letters?

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 13:04, January 26, 2017 (UTC)

Okay now we're getting somewhere,you got a twitter? It's better if we communicated on there

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 02:16, January 27, 2017 (UTC)

Nah you don't have to I just asked bc I reply faster on there's and we don't have to be editing each others talk page so so often lol email is good

- Baaaaaaaannnkkaaaiii! (talk) 02:50, January 27, 2017 (UTC)