Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444017-20180915164654/@comment-36393004-20180915173350

Ok, I think this is a really good version that could work with what we have. I especially like how they both seem to snap at eachother. The tone shows the age of both of the characters. I know age is relative when you compoare the two, but both would be rather cynical at their respective ages. I like the dialogue you have here. It seems real. The experiences are very well done as well. I only have one suggestion. Closer to the beginning the Gatekeeper uses the word "thrice". When I read it, it made me pause and after reading the entire thing...that language doesn't seem to mesh with the rest of the dialogue. That one word, if omited would probably do some good. Other than that, I have little else to gripe about. Great work man.