Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25477762-20141001040458/@comment-24821182-20141006042902

The story itself is alright, and once you've proofread, it could go up on the main site.

There are some grammatical errors, "Each bang sent shivers through my bodies." You also confuse "it's" with "its" on a few occassions. Remember that "its" shows possession, and "it's" means "it is".

I think the ALL-CAPS can be a little disrupting, and instead you could use italics or exclamation marks when a piece of dialogue is shouted.