Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5813834-20140702153906/@comment-24304936-20140702170415

I think the ending really goes nowhere. Why was it the wrong choice? You seem to construct a decent series of events in the body of the story, but I felt let down because of the ending. Also, I agree with some of Beth's points up there. You do use desciption, but it seems like it is done clumsily. For example:

"I hurried to one end of the room to light the first torch, only to discover that it was soaking wet– it wouldn't light if I threw it in a volcano."

No, nothing would. If something is thrown in a volcano, it either is lost to the point of not being seen, or disinigrates on impact. You need to use analogies that make sense to the reader. For the above excerpt, I'd say something like "It was mysteriously wet; the marriage of wood and water hindering any hopes I had of using it as a light source". Or something like that.

Anyway, I'd just hash out a more sensical ending and work on some of your description/analogy methods. Otherwise, I think you might have something here.