Talk:John's Story/@comment-25941663-20160206161803

I'm afraid this was so-so. It definitely wasn't bad, but it was missing something. I think the main problem is the villains. They don't feel menacing. Sure, they are shrouded in mystery, but they don't have a "punch". I believe if you had given us some more detail about them, it would have given them more substance. I'm not talking about much, just a direction. Right now they don't have any flavor.

Also, I am not fond of that sort of ending. The last paragraph feels out of place. I am of the school of either ending the story right after its climax, or right before everything is settled. With that last paragraph you settled the story to an end, and for me that's not good practise. It's a personal thing, but I had to let you know.

Lastly, you could have done with a bit more suspense building, although I'm not sure it would benefit the story much. It's a bit too predictable.

On the upside, I liked the part where John was telling his story. It surprised me positively. In general, the first few paragraphs were great but the rest was average.