Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25825682-20150629034432/@comment-25037895-20150701015833

You can use Poem goes here to make stanzas

Start a new stanza So it looks like a poem

I feel like there's an "in-and-out" kin of flow with this that might work, if it was more pronounced, and consistent across the stanzas. There's lines with a high number of syllables, and lines with a low number of syllables. But they come at different times in each stanza, which breaks the flow. It would work if the reader could feel when they were about to read one of the low-number-of-syllables-lines.

Probably, try to add syllables to the high-number-of-syllables-lines and then it should be easier to pick up on, and readers will feel it coming, and the flow will be more accomplished. Lines like "forlorn dismay" are too far low on syllables.