Talk:The Ghost Cat/@comment-32685199-20170726013703

Unfortunately, there's a high chance this'll be deleted without at least some grammar changes. First, there's a distinct overuse of elipses (...). Your story doesn't lose anything if you lose the elipses, but it does become a more pleasant read. Secondly, you mistake lay and lie. You lay a book down, but your cat would be 'lying on the sidewalk' over laying on it. There are other examples of this misuse but I trust you can skim through and find them.

Beyond grammar, there are other problems. I recommend you look into 'show vs tell'. Don't tell me that your cat could barely walk, show me that he stumbled, that he walked like a drunkard, that he bumped into furniture often.

Also, you're vague with what's wrong with your cat; that's more or less OK because sometimes you just don't know what is wrong, but your current descriptors of 'insane' and 'unnatural' aren't suitable. Give more details about what seemed wrong. The cat not looking at you and not eating isn't quite enough. Give us a scare, show us that your cat tends to stare into space as if something is there. Maybe your cat hissed at anyone who tried to touch him, despite having a history of being a rather kind and friendly feline. Perhaps your cat scratched at furniture all of a sudden, like it was trying to escape something or look for something.

I don't mean to sound negative. Your story is interesting so far and a very good start, though it lacks any fear factor. Add some apt descriptions with sensory details and show us more than tell us. I hope your story sticks around on the wikia!