Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24169760-20181124220608/@comment-35711173-20181124232806

Raidra and Good tails doll,

Past, present and future are part of English grammar. You can't actually say "I walk" to mean "I have walked, I am walked and I will walk" without reference to time.

You need to be consistent with tense. You aren't.

I suggest using past tense throughout.

Police report, October 5th, 2018

The active murderer killed his own father because of maltreatment and ran away from his own home at 6:00 in the morning. The killer wasn't found in his current state of Florida. His father was found dead underwater at their own pool, and the mother also seemed to have moved out. Theories on why the father became corrupt are because of a cult forcing him to mistreat his own family. We have found the satanic cult and we are interrogating them.

A story also needs to make sense. The story doesn't. This first paragraph is typical. You have parts in it that just don't go together. A good example is "His father was found dead underwater at their own pool, and the mother also seemed to have moved out." While both parts could be true, they don't go together as one sentence. This makes more sense.

"His father was found dead underwater at their own pool. His mother seems to have moved out previously."