Talk:He Without a Face/@comment-25771007-20160730175224

I liked it! Especially the part when Dr. Athers goes "What are you going to do when he comes for you?”. One thing though, it gets pretty choppy. It seems like you wrote this in several occasions, new elements appear and others are forgotten. Having a connection between them isn't necessary, but it often makes a story a little better and easier to believe. They don't have to be obvious, like the panic and "I'm not crazy" 's would need to be maintained throughout the story, or at least not suddenly dissapear after the first few sentences but instead slowly fade out and like a tide, come back and go as some elements come up and disturb the narrator.

Anyways,  good job! 7.5/10