Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36162297-20180712172448/@comment-9041013-20180713214916

Well this is kind of skinny, it's a skeleton. I get it that you are making this a series kind of thing but man, I can't really invest in reading the rest with a small start like that. Maybe get some more details into this.

Think about starting with your main characters every day life starting, going on with a nothing interesting routine motif for a while and then, boom, kidnapping and all that jazz comes along. This might get readers hooked on your story.

The tranquilizer and truth serum in one seems a bit like sci fi, or a very unhealthy mixture for a person to receive at the same time.

There's a scene in the Dark Knight where Joker tells Batman to "never start with the head" only for Batsy to smash Joker's head into the table and prove what Mr J was implying, if you damage your hostages/interogatee's ability to answer truthfully with either cloudedness of mind through whatever means (like grogginess, or extreme pain) you won't get good results. Subtle blows are better suited for this kind of thing, perhaps a very dreading threat ("I'll cut your ballsack off" while acting as if you're about to, for example), some sort of isolation, psychological games... etc...

The whole superpowe thing, reminds me of Alex Mercer from Prototype too much, perhaps rephrase it to avoid the "ohh it's a purge, prototype mix" reaction.

Also, if the woman's lower body was engulfed in the black substence, why does only her leg take damage? Perhaps have this thing be ethereal, or crawl up to her leg or something like that.

I'm guessing your main is a antihero kind of thing, or the monster, if he's the monster, you shouldn't reveal this until later but you already did... so... bad idea. If he's an antihero kind of guy; tone down his cockiness a bit, I feel like he's a little too much of the "I am a Antihero" with this current attitude.