Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38191277-20190405122425/@comment-29963337-20190405205856

There are a number of mechanical issues in your story which affect its layout. For example, on Fandom wikis, you cannot embolden or italicise words with asterisks at either side (which is what I assume you are trying to do), as that will create bullet points instead if the asterisk is at the beginning of a line. You use apostrophes ('). THREE for bold, TWO for italics. If you need something both bold and italicised (though this is usually very rare), use FIVE.

I noticed quite a few times where you spliced a comma instead of creating a new sentence. This creates what is known as a "run-on sentence" and it is something you should be avoiding. It also culminates in times where a sentence begins with "which" and makes it look awkward. There are also times where a semi-colon would suffice, but those are reserved for lists, explanations and the like. Some examples (but not all) of correct usage applied to your story would be:


 * He and I had the same living situation back home; nice apartment, a wife and a dog.
 * We'd done this type of mission countless times. In fact, I'd venture to say that we were the best. This is why, when we were told that this mission would be more difficult than any we'd ever been on before, we were up for the challenge.

In addition to this, there are places where punctuation (often a comma) is flat out missing:
 * "Jesus(...) and nobody thought it would be a good idea to grab it!?" I yelled punching the ground one last time.
 * "You're safe now honey. You're home."

There are also a few times where the punctuation concerning a quote is incorrect. You use punctuation inside the quotes, which should always be a comma if the character is not questioning or exclaiming. The only exception is if the quote is at the end of the sentence. Capital letters should also not be used unless what follows the quote is a new sentence. For example, the penultimate two sentences (second-to-last and third-to-last) should be:

"I love you," I said.

"I love you too," my wife replied.

OR

I said, "I love you."

My wife replied, "I love you too."

There are also random tense switches all over the place:


 * "I was so tired. My eyes started to close again. My neck hurts (should be "hurt") so much."
 * "There is (should be "was) no one coming to rescue me from this hell." (if this sentence is part of a character's thoughts in the moment, it should still follow the conventions as such)

This is just the presentation side of it. I could point out the mechanical issues all day, but I'm sure you get the point by now. Not having read too many stories myself, I'm sure someone who is better equipped for noticing story-based errors can come along and help in that regard.