Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31532017-20170215123526/@comment-31532017-20170216033601

Going with mostly show & not tell in the said pasta, given your response; guess it's not working as I had initially hoped for. It's been established that they had a history at some point of time during one of their dialogues. Not to mention, the woman was the one inside the bathroom preparing herself before having the liaison.

He's conflicted because he has seen her reflection; basically a broken wreck. Hence, why I had put the word, “hit her like a truck”. And “resting place”, was too implied that he was gonna met his end during that exclusive encounter.

Perhaps more retelling & retooling of the descriptions is needed, based on your response. For the eye suggestion, I'll be swapping it for something more; juicy I presume. And for the ending, I think I know a way to get that working out.

Once more & like usual, thanks for taking look and providing me with your insights into my works.