Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25975226-20150226070959

This is a poem I wrote which got deleted. Please leave me some feedback as to what I can improve etc.

I walk towards the brightest light, Who shines across the Earthy ground, I leap to it with all my might, But find I am Earthly bound

From my body a dark past exerts And now that I am dead, The victims of my mad outbursts, Now hold me in my bed.

I try to flee, from the dead you see, But sadly I cannot, For the man in shadows who killed me, Left my body here to rot.

Still unfound, not laid to rest, My victims keep me here, And run their claws across my chest, The pain is so severe.

A reenactment of my death, Plays over in my mind, The noose suspresses my last breath, My fate clearly defined.

My neck’s as purple as bruises come, My eyes begin to pop, But I know that my soul won’t succumb, To life suddenly stopped.

The weight of my barren body bare, Causes my neck to break, Though my head still sits firmly there, Blood pools ‘to a small lake.

As gravity begins to take effect, My legs sway in the air, The looped rope still sits round my neck, As the skin begins to tear.

One by one the tendons snap, In a messy, red affair, Skin around my bones unwrap, Though my head’s still firmly there.

Now my body’s on the floor, The looped rope swings in memory, My body dead and hence therefore, My soul can now be free.

Although I’d soon discover, It’s not once as I thought, Because my victims I’d uncover, They keep me locked up and distraught.

The smell snakes up towards my nose, I'm lucky I am dead, Emitting from my festering bones, The smell begins to spread.

The tendrils of the putrid smell, Spread out across the room, It stinks of the deepest parts of Hell, I hope someone finds me soon.

Now the maggots start to crawl, As I can only look down, They fester in my body tall, The blood now yellowy brown.

Yes,

My untimely death has now consumed, My very soul itself, I think about who murdered me, It was, in fact, myself. 