Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24445290-20141013005726/@comment-24821182-20141013063319

The story itself was pretty good, and once you've fixed some minor grammartical and aesthetical issues, it'll be ready to post as an article.

- You should check for missing commas. Remember to put one whenever you would pause while reading a sentence aloud. There's also a couple issues with apostrophes: one place you confuse "it's" with "its", and near the ending you say "Davis's" rather than simply "Davis'".

- The larger chunks of text should be split into smaller paragraphs so it's easier to read. There's also a sentence near the middle that has been accidentally split into two paragraphs:

“Well, we had to wait until Counselor Maggie left our cabin until we could sneak out,

which took a while since she runs her mouth too damn much."

- Finally, there's some pieces of dialogue in the last quarter that end with a period, even though they are followed up by some variation of "he/she/it said".

'''“Look over here guys. I found something.” he shouted.'''