Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26336831-20150509034433/@comment-25980905-20150509115917

Alright, let's begin on a positive shall we?

Your story was great in the sense that it incorporated the idea of the narrator not actually being there, but experiencing the horror through the narrator's brother's emails and the research that the narrator does online. I was actually able to read through this story because it was kind of interesting. I think you should expand in a few areas, as the story overall feels rushed.

What you didn't do right is already in the title. You already knew the grammar was 'a little off'. I feel like you could have at least gone through this story, fixed the spelling and grammar as best you could (the second sentence literally misspells those) and break it into a few paragraphs.

I really enjoyed this story, I'm being 100% honest here. It's a great concept. I wasn't scared or creeped out, per se, but it was still a really good concept that I was able to read with minimalistic effort. That takes a certain ability on your end to be able to pull off, and I'm glad you went to that trouble. This story would be much more easier to read, however, if it didn't have me backtracking, asking 'say whaaaat?' as I stumble through a few grammatically incorrect sentences and rushed-feeling storyline.

In conclusion, good concept. I can tell you have a talent in writing but you do need to nurture, refine and perfect it a little bit. I can feel a unique style in your writing and I found that pleasing. Please do expand on this story a little bit by describing things a little more, maybe by using more words that will illicit a response of fear, suspense or even shock from your audience. It would also help if you put a bit more effort on your characterisation as well, in parts your characters felt almost borderline two dimensional. You just need to add a bit more depth to them.