Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27559572-20160125173234/@comment-24101790-20160125174421

Quite a lot of issues here. Starting with the basics, you need to include a space between each paragraph to keep them from clumping together.

Wording issues: "it was about to be New Year’s. “Hey guys it’s about to be New Year’s”" There's really no need to state this twice. "then the sounds grew loader. (sic)". "Suddenly the deer behind him grabbed him from behind and furiously bite into his back" (Awkward wording/tense issue) There are also a number of fragmented sentences here and the dialogue feels pretty melodramatic.

Punctuation: Punctuation left outside of dialogue when it should be inside the quotations. "New Year’s”! Wade said to his team.", "”you (You) think you can escape us”? A (a)strange raspy voice said", " “Who’s there”! He (he) called", "Tonight YOU will be the hunted within the gates of HELL”! ", etc.

Capitalization issues: "red bull (Red Bull) to stay awake". Improperly capitalized words. "”you (You) think you can escape us”?", "A (a)strange raspy voice said", " “Who’s there”! He (he) called". Remember to only capitalize sentences following dialogue if they are an actual new sentence and not just a continuation.

Story issues: This story feels very rushed, lacks a lot of description that would make it more involving, and really doesn't have much plot/drive to the story. I'm sorry but if this were posted currently, I would likely delete it for not meeting quality standards due to the multiple issues above.