Talk:Clara/@comment-5733573-20180513172429

The set-up for this was enjoyable, even if the formatting of the paragraphs needed work. (Remember, when writing dialogue, you must start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.)  The conversation between Zoe and her parents was believable, and it set the stage for some creepiness involving Clara.

The sudden death of ther parents, however, and Zoe's completely unrealistic reaction to it ruin the story. I understand what you were going for, but I have to be honest with you and tell you that it's not working.

This story could use a lot more development. I want to see how Zoe and Clara met. I want to see some interactions between Clara and the world around her. I want to see exactly how she kills people, or tries to. That's what will take this story to another level.

In the future, I suggest posting to the Writer's Workshop here on this wiki before adding the story directly to the wiki itself. This is a great way to get feedback so that your story can be the best possible version of itself before you add the page. I would love to see how this story develops, so please keep me posted! Best of luck!

P.S. I was really hoping the redness in the hands would be livor mortis instead of cuts with blood. For some reason, this would have been scarier in my mind, but that's just the result of my own pet fascination with the processes of death.