Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34823985-20181203115538/@comment-9041013-20181206005309

DrBobSmith wrote: Kolpik, Personally I think that it is doesn't cross the NSFW line. I see nothing sexually explicit, racially offensive, etc. It doesn't even have clear violence or gore.

This is better. I know what's going on. I still don't like it. What is the plausibility of a wife deciding to do this to her husband? Not that good. Think of the imprisonment stories you have seen documented in the news. How often are they done by a female? I can't think of any off hand. Usually it is a female being imprisoned by a male.

My credit card statements show the store, not the merchandise purchased. Hunting knives, binding and flood lights are Walmart purchases.

Dr. Bob In South Africa they actually forcefully steal sperm from men from time to time for folk medicine or something. I am not kidding.

As for the story, that's nice, definitely more entertaining in a macabre kind of way. I do think it should just be a one continuous story - unbroken into chapters or parts. Let it flow, man.

Also, how about switching it from a wife to a fresh-ish girlfriend? Because the switch in personalities is kind of abrupt and random. Like all the wild stuff happens after date number X instead of "two months of marriage". Also, maybe make "Old" Mack more aggressive. Have him make her say what her daddy did to her in adult terms for example. Play the sadistic game, I suppose.