Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27159479-20151104133655/@comment-27080023-20151109142349

Ok well, here is why I think it was deleted.

It started off really promising, a few minor punctuation errors (which never helps) and I was really enjoying the story. It is well written. I agree with the timeline errors as well, but they could easily be re written. My main problem came with the ending. You built it up, made it seem really promising and then the end came and I was like "is that it?"

I mean, okay, if it all being a prank is what you want, fine, but make it a little creepier. The quality of the writing just dropped at the end and it seemed like after all that effort you just rushed to finish it. You had me engaged up until you arrived at her house and the bells were ringing.

If it were me I would be tempted to change the ending a lot. Maybe making the family the ones that are kidnapping/killing the unfortunates who test out the legend. I don't now, I am not telling you what to write it is just an idea and I am not professing to be any great shakes as a writer myself but I do always notice when the ending of a story falls flat on its backside.

There are many good points about the story. But I see exactly why it was deleted. Just re write the ending and read through and maybe revise some of the punctuation.