Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26220663-20151002151539/@comment-5973399-20151003121415

Why do two characters have the exact same name and age? Didn't really seem relevant.

Anyway, here's my revision: (May be awful)

“You’re not scared, are ya?”

“Only scary thing around here is your face.”  Joshua laughed nervously at his own joke, hoping Carter would not see he was terrified.

“Brilliant,” remarked Carter, as they continued down the path. “That’s probably older than this bloody building.”

It was a moonless night; thick black clouds enveloped the sky. The darkness twisted the farmhouse into something far scarier than it was at the day; it lurked on the horizon, like a demon waiting for the right moment to attack. The surrounding field was covered in barren, lifeless dirt, as if the building’s very presence was unnatural.

“So what happened to this place?” asked Joshua, stepping onto the porch.

“Pretty fucked up, actually. There was this slave kid called Sam, yeah, and his owner lived here and let him sleep in the barn. And Sam was mixed-race, which back then was pretty socially unacceptable, cause everybody was racist.

“Anyway, there’s this girl, and she turns up dead. Local people were already itching for an excuse to lynch Sam up anyway, being mixed race and all. Ended up with them burning the farmhouse down. And this all really happened. They say his ghost still haunts the place, ready to burn anybody who dares comes inside…”

“That’s odd,” said Josh, “I can smell bullshit, but I can’t hear anything.”

“It’s true!” shouted Carter.

“Absolute bollocks. When’d this happen, then?”

“1830’s, probably.”

“Where did you find this out?”

“…Internet.”

“Oh, right. It came from the internet, and is therefore an undeniable fact. I mean, nobody’s ever lied on the internet, have they?”

Carter pushed open the charred door to the farmhouse. “Dare you to go inside.”

“If this farmhouse burned down 180 years ago, how’s the building even still standing?” questioned Joshua.

<p class="MsoNormal">For a second Carter was silent; then he said, “Ghost. Ghost did it.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Joshua went up to Carter and punched him in the arm. “Ahh!” said Carter.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Ghost did it.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Carter gave Josh the middle finger, and then motioned to inside the building. “Well, if there’s no ghost, you won’t mind going inside then, will you?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Looks like it’s going to collapse. Isn’t safe.” Joshua tried to make a show of inspecting a nearby post.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Oh, you total pussy.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“You go in, then,” challenged Josh.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Fine,” said Carter, confidently. “Fine, I will.”

<p class="MsoNormal">And Carter stepped inside the building. Darkness engulfed him.

<p class="MsoNormal">He looked around; some charred wood crumbled under his foot, and behind him the door swung shut.

<p class="MsoNormal">For a beat, there was silence.

<p class="MsoNormal">Then a wave of heat washed over Carter; his eyes opened wide in fear. Something was behind him.

<p class="MsoNormal">He could feel a drop of sweat work its way down his face; he didn’t know how he knew, but he knew. Something was behind him.

<p class="MsoNormal">Ever so slowly, Carter began to creak his head around, despite every instinct in his body telling him to run and never look back. Something was behind him.

<p class="MsoNormal">Carter’s head finished turning, and he saw nothing. Nothing was behind him.

<p class="MsoNormal">Carter turned back around, and screamed. Because it was in front of him.