Talk:The Butterfly Effect/@comment-29693629-20180715141314

This could definitely do with a little expanding. For one thing, the whole “I found this website by typing in gibberish” feels very convenient. There has to be a more interesting way of getting from point A to point B. The same goes for “I accidentally deleted my birth picking the phone up”, there’s far too much fumbling. Also, it would’ve been nice to see the protagonist poke around the site a bit more before finding herself. Maybe we get to see the details of a few other entries first. Also, that last paragraph or so just plain doesn’t work. It’s better not to raise questions about who the protagonist is addressing or how, it’s just going to confuse and distract the reader when you should be gearing up for the big finish. And that last line is pure cheese. “Stay safe friends” is what you say after a warning about a phishing scam, not when a website is slowly erasing your existence. Sorry if I’m being harsh, it’s only because I think you have a genuinely good idea here, one you could easily turn into a great story with a bit of work.