Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25730391-20141120032620/@comment-25329900-20141120081245

This is positively amazing! I love it. A few errors but it has a nice flow to it. I like the perspective of the story as is but if you feel it needs changing then do it. I do however feel that how it is written now adds a certain charm to it and makes it pretty good.

If you switch it to a personal perspective it might make it even more creepy.

Instead of putting "you ___" put "I ____" and make it more personal a story to the big brother in the story. That might work nicely as well.