Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27859657-20161211233350/@comment-27905100-20161212214947

Hold on... I'm still working

… (There shouldn't be an elipses there)the(Capitalize) clock ticks loud, can’t even think,

what’s the next form of happiness?(No question mark, it ruins the flow and makes no sense)

I’ll ruin in a blink of an eye?

because I despise positivity,

because it’s a lie…

happiness is a lie, that’s why

I despise.(There shouldn't be a period there) your(Capitals!) positivity, alright…

Think all that goes wrong it’s a nice little song…(An ellipses shouldn't go there)

turning a positive into a negative.

I can turn your happiness,(take out that comma) into madness.

I already had that, I don’t even like that

The(Decapitalize this) thing you call innocent,

because I know you’ll bend it

(Take out this return)into a child of pain, (Here's a good spot for it) and abuse for your own use

that kids going to be hanging by a tight rope

with his own throat. If you really hate your life,

then suicide is alright.(This just got really emo)

They really can’t blame you

when they thought it (to) be

nice to just hang you,

like in the old west,

shooting guns is(Did you mean 'in'? Because 'is' Doesn't work.) a fun reflex.

Good for when you make a mess,

just dig a hole and make a much less

mess then you did before…(Take out that ellipses)

now look at that no crap no more,(This should be a period)

I’m getting off topic yes

right now right back to that thing

we were talking about,(.)

negativity is what it’s all about.

We know your mother cares no more

we know this well; she swore to the lord.

So we’ll smile or at least pretend it’s okay…

and hope we soon die, looking forward to that day…(Take out this ellipses)

Eh. This is a good poem, but it's not very spooky. Yes, it's death, but it seems too emo for that. Yes it's hanging, but it seems too mystical for that. I don't know. Get a second opinion, but for now, I'm saying 'maybe'. Also, take out that weird font.