Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25141454-20140721025556/@comment-25148755-20140721044555

Aside from some minor grammar stuff, you've got some significant tense issues throughout switching back and forth from past to present a couple times.

The subject itself is ok although it seems to basically be a Jeepers Creepers retread with a different monster.

What is so special about the smile? You've got a seven foot tall creature with eyes covering its body and you say a couple times (including the story title) that the smile is really the thing that stands out, but then all you really describe about it is that it's "hideous" and "foretells your death."

Your character doesn't act believably. He finds a murder hole with dozens of mutilated corpses and a supernatural creature. After escaping he goes to bed at a decent hour and basically does nothing about it except feeling anxious. Then, an undisclosed time later but seemingly a good little while (days at least, weeks probably) the creature comes waltzing into his bedroom. It doesn't gel.