Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31308655-20170617020310

Hey guys! So, I have just written a story that I like to call 'The Darkness Within'. Please read through my story (I'll paste it down below) and let me know if you spot nything you feel should be changed. Thanks so much and have a great day!

-xZonafer

The Darkness Within:

You hear a screeching sound. You back down from the steps, adrenaline and and cortisol coursing your body, aiding your preparations for escape. You begin a slight jog away from the sound, speeding up into a sprint until you wildly collide with some unseen wall. The sound has followed you there. You now see a shadowy, hunched figure, crawling towards you. Its aggressively poor posture may have fooled you, making you think it can't get you. Oh, how wrong could you be?

It leaps on you, and another piercing shriek fills the air. This time its you. You don't know what's happening, but you can see the monster seated on top of you, with its mouth somewhere you can't see. You push yourself up and grasp the creature by the neck. Its open mouth now squeezes shut. You press as hard as you can, generating a crackling sound you hoped you would never hear. The sound of someone's neck breaking. Its head falls limp, while a pool of dark red blood begins to accumulate on your hand. "No. NO! NO!!! HOW COULD I HAVE DONE THIS?!" you bellow. Darkness washes over you; and you feel as if you're frozen in time. All you can hear is a shrill whistling sound, painfully attacking your eardrums.

Traumatized, you break the trance and jump up, panting. It was all a dream, you say. But of course you know better. You gently sit back down, remaining quiet. The monsters your parents told you couldn't exist, it was scientifically impossible is what they said. How you wish you could run to them one last time and ask them: "Mom, Dad, can you check under my bed? I heard something." for comfort. Too bad they don't live with you anymore. The hormone rush is over now, and a daunting silence ensues. You silently begin to weep, a soft cry that could attract anything in your room. You suddenly realize this and block your mouth with your hand. But wait, why are you so cold? And bonier than you thought you were. You give a slight chuckle. I'm delirious, you think. Are you so sure?

A slow, deep laugh erupts from the back of your head, expanding until its all you can hear. You turn around, but no one is there. You still feel the laugh echoing inside your skull; numbing you to the outside world. You suddenly clutch your head and drop down onto your bed; the soft bed that once comforted you, that now holds all your fears. You grow dizzy, and want to let go. The laugh now feels like its taunting you, laughing at your insuperiority. Let the rope slip through your fingers, but its his job to make you do that. You drift away before much longer, and wake up in a small, sterile room.

"Hello! Help me! Hello! Please, just help!" you scream as loud as you can. A hushed whisper is all you can hear. You look around and see a mass creep across the floor, almost conjoined to the wall, quiet as can be. Newfound strength and hormones fill inside of you; your body's almost certain reaction to the stress you are facing. You begin to bang on the wall with all your strength, bashing and crashing against it with inhumane strength. You press on the wall, when all of your strength drains out. You fall against the wall and begin to sob. You sob so loudly it seems that you're screaming, but you know its all in your head. The sobs choking your throat are a ruse. The room you're in, void of all existence, is fake. Indeed, you are a figment of imagination too. But what can you do? You know now, that there's no point in breaking out, no point in your futile attempts at freedom. The fluid mass is now slithering around inside of you, trying to escape to your core; where it will make you into a bloodthirsty killer. So all you do, all you CAN do, is sit down and start scratching at the walls. Not very hardly, but scratching ever so slightly at your empty cage.

' Schhh! Schhh! Schhh!'

Still going to this day. The monster within was the darkness you felt washing over you, the empty chasm that once had consumed you, the mass you saw, tangible darkness waiting to fill your heart, until you were purified of it. The more willpower you have, the higher your chances of escaping. So when you wake up at night, know that the monster inside of you is still hard at work, trying to escape. Don't worry though, the monster within can't manifest itself truly. Not yet, anyways. 