Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26013902-20150228085549/@comment-26114676-20150228094043

It seems like it could be an interesting story, however, there are lots of very bold swear words that seem to have no actual place in the story. Some are fine, but this reads a little like a kid is yelling it at me over voice chat in a game. A lot of the bolded sentences would have more effect in italics. Example: DO NOT REACT TO THIS IF YOU WANT YOUR SANITY INTACT AFTER THIS RITUAL. Looks better, and reads easier, as: Do not react to this if you want your sanity intact after this ritual.

Also, when it comes to the speech/what you're supposed to say, you should probably space it out into a new paragraph. It makes it easier to read as opposed to random speech in the middle of a big paragraph.

Last thing- Personally, If this were a real thing and I were to be interested in trying it, I wouldn't. Just simply due to the fact of the last line. I would want to know what would happen to me. I wouldn't just go "Yep, this seems good. Nevermind the consequences, I don't know what they are, anyway."

Last, last thing- If it's supposed to be true hate/true love, why the suggestion to pick a rich person? I get that their money will be yours, but I can't develop mega hate on Bill Gates overnight. This just put me off a bit.

Sorry if any of this seems harsh, but those are the major problems I see with it. Other than that, this has some potential and it really wouldn't take much to clean it up.