Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31073921-20170212140436/@comment-31111342-20170214180320

The concept is fine, but one thing that does take me out of the story is that, if the sun really did just flicker out, these people wouldn't just be in darkness and they'd have far more to worry about than the lack of electronics. They'd be freezing and would have to relocate, living in a submarine perhaps, or in a area heated with nuclear or thermal power. If anything, the order of events here should really be changed around. Electronics dying is much more tame than the sun "turning off."

Another thing I'd say is to add more details. Pad this story out. Explain things. Make me feel things, both in terms of the senses and in terms of my emotions.

You're off to a good start, but right now this could use a lot of work