Talk:Isolated/@comment-5733573-20180922021835

This story needs some work. First of all, I don't understand the relationship between the creature and the narrator. Why doesn't the one just kill the other? Why doesn't the narrator make any attempt to escape the creature? Why would he a) assume that anything written on his window was written by the creature and then, b) actually follow the creature's instructions to go outside? Why on earth was the narrator "delighted" randomly in the middle of the story? Is no one investigating the disappearances of these children or looking for them at all? The story just really doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Execution wise, you have a lot of sentences in a row that begin with the same word. This makes a story boring and sloggy to get through. Something you should try is requiring every sentence in a paragraph to begin with a different word. This will keep your story interesting and force you to think more creatively.

I hope you'll do some work on this story.