Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26399604-20150920044954/@comment-25980905-20151018141635

That took far longer than I intended to take, my apologies. I'm afraid the time you've waited also won't be reflected in my review. As much as I would love to do the usual Stage Two Review, this story is way too large for that so I'm just going to list abnormalities that I noticed and things I liked (once again, only shorter).

First of all, there were the following errors throughout the story:

-Spelling Mistakes: Not in the sense that words are spelt wrong, but more to the point of words being used incorrectly (there's a point where you probably meant to write 'cope' but wrote 'coup' instead for example). So, in a sense, small typos like 'began' when you mean 'begin' (in reference to the part with Johnathon in the mirror world).

-Punctuation: The punctuation used (commas, semicolons, etc.) are not used correctly at times (ie 'With that, the, Magician...').

-Sentence Abnormalities (Sense/Comprehension/Flow): At times there is so much happening in one sentence (so much information jammed into a single sentence) that it makes it hard to read/awkward to read/damaging to the flow (ie 'Jonathan had witnessed that act three years ago when he was eight years old at the time...' => 'at the time' was not needed).

Now, just reading over the story, the changes are small and subtle. They add to the story a lot. I'm still finding it a tad difficult to read through (and that's not because of the length, it's because of the above mentioned points). But overall it's still an alright read. I'm still not getting chills, however (but as I said before, it's really difficult to scare me).

I'm not entirely sure how much more of an opinion I can add to this review without beginning to sound more and more repetitive. The changes are good and they've added an extra layer to the story. I really enjoyed Johnathon's desperation in the mirror world, that was done nicely.

At this point I'd fix the spelling and punctuation errors (as well as the issues with the story's flow/sentence abnormalities) before seeking out another (fresh) set of eyes. This way I can guarantee the best possible results.

Good luck in your writing adventure!