Talk:Test Chamber 319/@comment-26160987-20160216071400

Not bad, but it would have been stronger if this was current-day (why, oh why do people who have no grasp on period speak, slang, references,colloquialisms and history always do something in historic context?).   Advice: remove any indication of Nazis, remove the "666" joke (I could barely force myself to skim after this; but it's not bad aside from execution). Remove journal commentary and state that they were interested in seeing what she may write, assuming the details may help with understanding her state of mind during the research, to make it more effective, etc. I would also probably brush up on what pre-teen girls would and wouldn't say, not even period-based.   This could be passable if not an alright piece with some editing, although lbr this has all been done before. Execution and attention to detail (subtle would work best here) is what could set this apart.