Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28936621-20160705214231/@comment-27838637-20160706092944

Empy has covered the entirety of the issues that are in your story. It is good to see you are keen on making a difference, as many new writers who come through this site and are told their stories need improving lack the motivation to try again. In saying that, I suggest you post the updated version onto this forum (probably in a comment below, or replacing the updated version with the OP). Having multiple threads on the same topic is against the rules, and they will be deleted.

A_O.