User blog comment:Tbdjolteon/Chimera Sucked!/@comment-5227030-20140710040559/@comment-5227030-20140712065518

1. It was a bit short, even for a poem, but I think he would have passed it by if it wasn't for...

2. The story had no rhythm. Poems usually have a rhythm, where the lines that rhyme have the same amount of syllables. Therefore, it's not really a poem, more of a badly spaced one paragraph story. I suggest reworking it and try to keep a rhythm going. I would suggest listening to MrCreepyPasta's work such as Shopping Trip, Slumber Party , or just about anything by Miss ShadowLovely to get a feel for the rhythm. Other than that, right on soul brother.