Talk:One Second Before/@comment-26399604-20160321161822

Interesting story - I love the part where you say, "I will reveal myself to the world, and destruction will ensue."

However, I will admit I am a bit confused. The story somewhat reads from the perspective of the bomb, but then it closes as if from the perspective of the pilot. Maybe I'm just not comprehending it correctly.

Also, just a few areas I noted with errors:

+You start of with quotations, but failed to apply them at the end.

(In the below sentence, 'then' doesn't really seem to fit. This sounds a bit more fitting)

+I am merely the creation of man, and if I’ve learned anything from being God, [is that] I have only made things worse.

+I could have waited for this to happen, and I [believe] that I could have used my power for peace, not for pain.

+Remember me after it's done, and try [to] learn from my lesson to you. In this very second, time has stopped, and I am God.

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Overall, the story has a nice concept, but I feel it needs a bit more emphasis.

For example:

+Original:

My light will burn the skin of the enemy, and my voice will rumble the ground as it radiates with a force that demolishes cities.

+Revised:

My light will scorch the flesh of the enemy, and my voice will shake the very Earth, driving a force capable of reducing even the sturdiest of cites to ash.

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+Original: Remember me after it's done, and try learn from my lesson to you. In this very second, time has stopped, and I am God.

+Revised: Remember me once all is complete, and heed my lesson upon you, try hard if you may. In this very second, time has suspended, and I am God.

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These are just examples and don't have to be taken exactly as they are, but directions I think you should move towards. Of course this is all opinionated. Again, it's a nice concept, but to me, it lacks that extra 'kick'. Hope this helps.