Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4138999-20150116202428/@comment-25913561-20150118113635

Hello Death4,

I have taken a look at your story and I don't want to cause offence, but I feel that English may not be your first language (If you have stated that already I apologise for not noticing).

I am taking extra care to be as polite as possible as I know receiving poor reviews can be disheartening, please do not be upset by what I say but rather take it to heart and use it to learn and move forward :)

Now, aside from the spelling, grammar and sentence structure being poor and making the story very difficult to read I must also say that the story was a bit... "Flavourless".

First and foremost there is far too much irrelevant information, detail is good but there is such a thing as too much detail. Aside from main characters, other names really aren't needed, also unless it plays a part in the story there isn't a need to mention what music or movies they enjoy.

Sadly, as Aliens are rather commonplace, it can be a little more difficult to make them creepy or scary. A way you could remedy this is by not identifying these creatures as "Aliens". Perhaps some unknown creature, never before heard of, be sure to provide descriptions of these creatures. If you did do this then things like laser guns and UFOs will need to be swapped out with something a little more unique. Also this route would require you to remove the pictures you mentioned.

With that in mind, it may be better to begin anew as this story is rather long. Perhaps brainstorming a few monsters/creatures and their arsenal and transport may help you to set a mood for a new version of this story. There is no reason you can't keep any parts of this story that you really loved and work on them, but again grammar, spelling and sentence structure need thorough improvement.

I wish you luck in your future attempts :)