Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10502460-20190904074213/@comment-9041013-20190904112807

Well it's a decent story, but I kind of don't really see this as scary or spooky or anything of the sort.

I just dislike the father, he's an asshole and honestly; if he's so tough and believes he's the shit why not go hunting for while boars with a bow? The father just came off like that sick bastard who'd do anything to justify his shitty behavior. Good job on making him this bad guy one would feel inclined to dislike.

Your character work was pretty good until you mentioned the mother randomly overdosing, I feel like if this had been a factor earlier it would've worked better. I mean, I get it; life with an abusive husband might drive you to those places but it also could just fly by and leave invisible psychological wounds. Then again, you could've made her die in an "accident" which the narrator didn't exactly believe to be one.

The ending, that felt really out of character; yeah sure finding the remains of a human corpse is likely to send a person straight into a vomitting spree but it just kind of felt out there. Didn't really have the desired impact. Now, I say this was out of character cause the father seemed to be meticulous with his illegal activities. He should have hidden the badge somewhere away from the corpse, just in case. If the narrator found the badge and the body separately, I feel like that would've worked better.

Even better is if the narrator would've found some objects he found weird, only to later realize they were made from human material befitting the father's hobby.

Congrats on the promotion by the way :)