Talk:The Staff/@comment-25383866-20150122023452

That was pretty good. I liked the pastoral feel, it made me think of where I grew up.

I edited as I read as there were a lot of small issues I noticed. Mostly with apostrophes and dialogue punctuation. Also, you call Mr. Shawnee Mr. Pawnee twice. I fixed that for you. There were also places where you didn't write all of a sentence before moving on. For instance, when the narrator talks to the cop outside the burned house- "...who recognized me, what had happened." I fixed that too.

Also, just a nitpick, but how could Shawnee shoot himself, then burn his house down? Maybe that sentence could have been worded differently. Overall though, good story. I liked that it wasn't outright "this is scary, are you scared? BE SCARED." It was very subtle in its delivery.