Board Thread:Site Questions/@comment-29791712-20160305045249/@comment-29791712-20160305180946

SoPretentious wrote: The dialogue is clunky. the storyline is melodramatic, generic, and brushed-over IMO and Santi not knowing that he is evil towards the end was anti-climactic for me. The characters are two-dimensional, cookie-cutter characters. There's not the right character development to invest in characters that just push the plot along.

When Eleyna falls over, she gets over it too quickly. The next moment she is attentively listening to the story. The moment saps the intensity right out of the story.

When George says:

"Something about what just happened made me feel uncomfortable.

It’s nothing, you idiot, I try convincing myself."

It's anti-climactic, it doesn't add impact by not being descriptive enough to lend a real clue as to what's going on. It's generic. The character is over it, so the reader has no context.

The girl in the ritual goes on such a crime spree, but is not arrested. Seems contrived to ramp up intensity. There is no reason the other characters wouldn't ask why the police didn't arrest her. It's a prop for the plot, there's no story without this element. Will you be willing to read my story if I rewrite it?