Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32764586-20180915172138/@comment-32764586-20180915211231

BloodySpghetti wrote: Fear not, young man; for bionic penises are a real thing, you'll have your rooster back in no time and better than ever!

Alright in all seriousness, that's what Dark Comedy is, it's not for everyone but hey look - American Psycho was a hit. Now onto the story itself, the sillyness is actually hilarious at points and it had an upbeat feel to it throughout the first part of the story as it should've. The second part made me cringe because... ouch... especially with my hurting lower back and pelvic region...

The pace is great, the pratagonist makes sense as a comedic character and still feels a lot like the real you, Icy, wink wink. So props on that. It didn't feel too rushed or lacking in detail. Everything was done right at the right time, for the most part.

Love me some references to "All To Human" and "NPfNP", not to mention I saw some stuff that reminded me of some other stories, must've been coincidental. Stiil lovely.

Now this brings me to the Forth Wall Breaking thing you did all over the story, I personally like me some Deadpool, other people might not. I don't know, I say keep it in there, just beware with it on future notice.

Also, eighteen year olds aren't millenials, they are Gen Y, Z or something... Millenials usually end at 1996 or so.

Another issue I had with this is the fact that dear old protagonist started feeling pain way after he should've been screaming his guts out. The penis is a very sensitive region... everything makes it hurt... so getting necrotic tissue spread like Gangrene on steroids should hurt a lot. I suggest you add this earlier, how it hurts him.

Also, the release from the hospital came kinda early, amputation wounds should be taken care of and monitored for a while before one is set to get release... Also, on the account of losing a shit ton of blood too.. so yeah, fix this too...

Umm, also, if you want it to be a little uncertain yet still related to the Creepypasta theme, you can throw in some weird worm crawling about at the edge of his sight as he is passing out... Just a suggestion.

And yeah, do some cleaning up, mechanically speaking, I've spotted some confused prepositions and the like in the middle...

Overall... Fun stuffs.

That be all.

Thanks a ton Bloody!