Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25947144-20150326203316/@comment-25612295-20150326211234

Here are some things that you may want to edit:

"The night is quiet and the animals are singing a silent melody as Jason is walking though a circus." This is present tense, but the rest of the story is past tense, so I would advise you to make this past tense as well. (i.e. The night was quiet)

Change "20st" to "20th" or "21st."

Perhaps change "Jason had a little smile" to "Jason smiled a little."

Change " but it worthed trying, hadn't it?" to something along the lines of "it was worth a try."

Write " telling lies to naive people" instead. Also, you might want to revise that whole paragraph; it's a little unclear as to what Jason is thinking.

"You told your parents that your going to college," Use "you're" instead of "your" after the word "that."

Where exactly did Jason get the fifty dollars from? I know that he's stealing from the old man, but the money he's trying to steal isn't mentioned unitl now. That part is a little confusing.

Change "he didn't heard the most important part" to "he didn't hear the most important part."

"In" should be changed to "on" in the last sentence.

Interesting idea. It needs some more work, though. For instance, try to develop the voice of the old man; is he going to have a more archaic style of speech, or a plain/uneducated style? Right now, it's pretty inconsistent.

Definitely keep writing. This could turn out to be a successful pasta. :3