Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5614678-20160821073311/@comment-28060931-20160821151021

... And the name of the town was... INNSMOUTH!

Okay, apart from the uncanny feeling this is an unofficial sequal to 'The Shadow over Innsmmouth' (Fishing village, not on any maps, wierd residence, Cross-species breeding, the story is a bit cliché.

Firstly, I am not a good author, so I can only offer an opinion. I saw the "plot-twist" coming from a mile away. As soon as I read the title, read about the author not knowing her mother, and the glassy eyes I came to the conclusion.

Maybe change the title to something else, preferbly use alliteration in it, and divert attention from the charecter's recent discovery about some terrifying aspect of her life.

There is a lot of exposition in the begging of the story, it reads like the first draft of a textbook. If you read Stephen King's description of 'Salems Lot, you notice he says things like "Debbie foresters dress was set on fire, and Parkins Gillspie had to throw six fellows in jail" or something like that.

This exites people and tells us aboub the town without exposistion. You're writing a short story so you won't need to make Alen Avery, who limps along the western banks of River Cail, signing Country music, while admiring the the tall, wooden farmhouses with gambrel roofs -- but vivid and exiting description would help.

Though I did like the village smelling with all kinds of fish. And I don't think you ever explain "the village's shady history".

I felt there was nothing new or inventive about the story. That would have been okay if the writing and atmosphere were great, but they were okay. The description was fine at times, but dull at other times. The writing was good enough, but there were mistakes:

"One day, while he was at work and I was home sick..." should be "One day, whike he was at work, and I was home -- sick..."

"... sounds of things being shuffled around and falling." should be " sounds o things being shuffled around, and falling."

Etc.

I hope this helped, even if it's only a opinion not actual fact, from a good author, but, for some reason, the wiki is always very quite and inactive on sundays.