Talk:Fables/@comment-15881997-20130820003933

Ok, not very good however. The content over all was good, but it had no build up. It started off too scray with nothing normal to relate the events to, just "OMG, it is a serial killer." Then a long build up to a false climax where it is revealed to be her father, ok, well, surely the build up can start up again here? But no, there was no more build up. Once the actual event was reached, it just kinda ended. No drop down to a satisifing ending, or a big build up just a sudden stop, and then it just ended. Maybe do a re-write where you explain how the girl had been so sad as of late, and was having trouble sleeping. That way, it makes more sense why the father has come to put her to sleep. (Side note, be scary if the girl said "Good night daddy, I'll miss you." This would be a good forshadow of the reveal, while still being vague enough to not blow the ending)

Final thoughts: Needs to start off slower, to have more room grow, and give a more climatic ending than just cutting off with "He had died a month before." Maybe go a step further and explain in detail of him dying, and how he will miss reading to his daughter. After that, would be a good time to make the reveal, because now the reader has a connection to the characters, and worries in horror to their fate.