Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34025893-20180315053353/@comment-9041013-20180317225129

it's kind of all over the place. Work on the more casual, transitional scenery. You have a bunch of crucial points and between them bits of text which mean nothing to the plot.

The characters mostly don't exist outside of Shaw, which is kind of weird since you're not telling it from a first person's perspective and at the end they kind of get more meaning.

The monster is kind of meh too. Oooo I saw a demon, it ate my soul, now I randomly die in a superdramatic fashion. why?

Also, there are some typos.

Work on it, and it can be pretty cool :P