Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20181016215053/@comment-35711173-20181017005910

As a writer I identify with it, but I think it would pop far more with a brutal editing. Too much of having the noises around the house, and you're seven paragraphs and over a thousand words into the story before even that starts. That's a third of the way through! We're about 2/3 of the way through the story before the first tangible thing, and that's the shadow on the stairs. You also are about that far in before the first clear description of sensations.

As soon as you had the scratching I knew what was going to happen, at least the general "he really is creating a monster" thing. It's been done on Twilight Zone and other shows. That's not a criticism. It's almost freaking impossible to get a completely original plot.