Talk:Butterflies in Your Stomach/@comment-25052433-20171018221537

Over all this was a good story. I feel that the overuse of gore caused a substitution of shock in place of horror. Trust me, there was plenty of room for good horror here, but the gore trope appeared to be the chief element.

The tense is a bit awkward as well. Typically I avoid stories where the author is attempting to tell me what I would do in a given situation. However, you succeed here by keep the reactions of the character to their most natural levels. You also avoid describing elements of the character's home or environment, which was a smart style for keeping this tense relatable to the reader, After all, there is nothing quite as disengaging than reading a second person narrative that tells me I have stairs or a basement in my home, when in reality I don't.

Personally I would like to see this adapted into more of a traditional story. From a first or third person tense, this could be an amazing story. The slow starvation, the helplessness of the condition and the eventual graphic death would all make for a compelling read in a more classic format.

All around, there were a few flaws, but the sharp plot made up for the smaller issues. Nice work!