Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27331266-20151214024750/@comment-25941663-20151215214500

First of all, I suggest you use the Source Editor. To do that, simply go here and open the "Editing" tab. There, change the "Preferred Editor" to the Source Editor. This will sort out the coding issues in your story (including font color, style, minor formatting etc.) Another thing, you need to space out your text more. Leave space between paragraphs and between dialogue lines.

Now onwards to some editing you need to do. (Press Control+F to find those errors):

"must have froze" -> "must have frozen"

"blackish- brown hair" | Remove the space after the dash.

"I couldn't tell rather or not the tears was mine" | Not 'rather' but 'whether'. Also, it's 'were' not 'was'.

"or from the very realism of nature itself." | I'm afraid this doesn't make sense. You need to rephrase it.

"My clothes gotten wet as well" | Not 'gotten', but 'were'.

Google negligent. It doesn't mean what you think it mean. You generally need to be more careful with the words you're using. I noticed a couple more odd words thrown in there, like 'tyranny'. If you're not 100% sure about a word's meaning, google it.

I'm sorry but I have to stop there. This is riddled with numerous grammar/punctuation mistakes. I don't want to edit that all for you, as you need to learn and gain experience. You really need to improve your grammar.

One other thing is that you use a lot of pointless description. "It rained heavily on my fluffy blackish- brown hair which grown higher towards the heavens." Describing the character's hair isn't interesting. This is a chance to create some amazing imagery to pull the reader in, not describe the color of hair. You also did this in numerous other occassions: "wooly hair", "caramel skin", "brown irises" and others. Description isn't always good, and in this case it was rather pointless.

I'm afraid I couldn't finish this. You need to improve your grammar and fix formatting issues. Without that, even the best of plots will fall flat.

I'm sorry, but you need more practise. Keep at it though and don't get discouraged. Everyone needs to start from somewhere. Also, I find that reading other people's works is an amazing way to improve your writing. I suggest you take a look at these stories over here. There are some amazing reads over there.

Happy writings!