Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5952769-20171116113143/@comment-25941663-20171116155849

The writing in this is very good and your descriptions are also very nice. I'm afraid though the story just isn't scary. There is nothing creepy about a ball of dust and there is nothing creepy about a girl flying towards a ball of dust while laughing.

Also, the idea of having grandpa tell a story and then the events in the story happening immediately is a bit clunky. If you want someone to tell a story that later happens, have something in between separating the two. The quick repetition is harmful to a tale.

I am sorry, but this does not meet our quality standards. You certainly are a talented writer, so simply experiment with other ideas and you will get there. It's just a matter of plot.