Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34296765-20160418031341/@comment-28266772-20160425153134

Couple of errors throughout this suggesting it could use a proof read. For example the line,

" Do living beings like us, we take the prospect of Hell lightly"

I think it's probably meant to be "to living beings like us we take the prospect of hell lightly". Most grammatical errors are like this i.e. small and not particularly damning (pun intended), but they should still be fixed.

Other than that I largely agreed with the comments made by Anarchic Operations. I think he sums up most of the criticisms I would offer. Nonetheless, I thought I would still comment so I could give some advice about where you might look for inspiration within pop culture.

Personally I would recommend looking at the nightmare fuel section of the tvtropes page on Warhammer 40k, in particular about the chaos gods (Nurgle is my favourite). Event Horizon also has an extended scene (not included in the movie itself) depicting hell, complete with amputees and porn stars to make the whole scene seem authentically sexual and twisted. There's also the hellraiser books/films/comics. Another (not-so-good) movie about hell is "as above so below" that shows hell being a real place beneath the Parisian catacombs. Oh and there's a new Turkish movie called Baskin. I haven't seen it but it's had a lot of good press, and from what I've heard it offers quite a twisted, and brutal, take on hell.

So my take home message is proof read, get more graphic, and read as much original material on hell as you can because it will be great for inspiration. Not only for this particular story, but for anything you might choose to write in the future.

Best regards,

Christian Wallis