Talk:Kenji/@comment-25052433-20150520052612

Cleaned up the grammar and spacing here a bit. When I first checked this out, it was a wall of text, as we call it here. You have to ensure that doesn't happen, as that casts a negative eye on your work right away.

This isn't bad for a first pasta. The twist at the end was predictable, but you certainly show writing talent and potential, so keep going.

I would have suggested putting this one in the Writer's Workshop first also, as that is the safest way to ensure your work doesn't get deleted.

Overall, a nice, safe and ambitious story for your first. Best of luck here, and please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or concerns.