Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25033184-20140608215811/@comment-24077689-20140610180723

I'm well aware of what an ellipsis is. Reading over it again, I can understand the meaning of "drugged", albeit it's still unclear. Honestly, you could write that line both ways. I'd say be a bit more descriptive.

Characters are the vehicle through which your story is delivered, especially in the case of a story such as this. This story is effectively worthless without the character. Going into the detail and taking care to make us give a shit about your character is imperitive. Otherwise, why do we care what happens?

Some of the best examples of creepypasta are those that deal directly with their characters. They are the objects of the story-world that's created. Every bad pasta I've ever read, with few exceptions, has largely decided as you did. To ignore characterization and instead focus on obtuse and grotesque descriptions. There's no real substance. It's all fluff.

I'd suggest you take this advice to heart. Besides the errors I pointed out before, this story is massively cliche, there's no real plot to speak of, it's banal, and it's also kind of juvenile in its execution. Like DeVir said, you could potentially have something here. If you stop treating it like every other generic creepypasta out there.

I'm not trying to be a dick. If I didn't care and didn't want to see you improve, I wouldn't have taken the time to tell you this.