Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25458443-20181105182854/@comment-5542146-20181112105548

First off, you could put a looot more effort into this. It feels like you just spewed out randomness. Second, its rather flat plot-wise, and drags on and on and on (I actually wrote a story like this recently, but I realized it after getting help am in the process of correcting it, so that being said), which is exactly what you did here.

And, finally, there is no dialogue or character development like... whatsoever. It reads like a journal entry, but not one that one would be interested in reading in their rec time. More like foot notes or random scrawl of random thoughts one would jot down to get them down on paper, but no actual effort is put into it beyond this. It honestly seems to me like this is exactly what you did. You jotted down some personal experience and then immediately copied it onto here without proofreading it first (I've done that myself, so I know it when I see it).

You could also add in, at the very least, some dialogue...