Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5969231-20140623182537/@comment-24115679-20140624145705

I don't think it's all that convoluted or poorly written, especially by creepypasta standards. For me, the biggest problem is that the final shock moment is way too similar to the classic "babysitter and the clown statue" urban legend. As for the unrealistic depiction of marriage, maybe their relationship would make more sense if they were in the midst of a divorce and weren't speaking to each other? Maybe both husband and wife assumed that the other was making the strange purchases.I think this pasta has potential, you just need to iron out the problems that Noothgrush mentioned and come up with a different ending. I do think that the image of a grey man garbed only in his underoos is pretty freakin' creepy, but the way it's integrated into the story now is too derivative.