User blog:Kolpik/Haunting Celebrity Tabloids

I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store the other day. Myself and the other impatient customers were in a holding pattern while the cashier worked out some issue involving coupons. My stuff was already on the conveyor belt, so I didn't really know what to do with myself.

I returned a misplaced candy bar to its proper place, but all-in-all the aisle was well organized. I usually avoid the magazine racks at all costs, but it looked like I might be there for a while. Being idle makes me nervous. Of course, the list of things that make me anxious is unbearably long.

Eventually I gave in and perused the dumb ol' tabloid covers. It seems some actress who was married to Tom Cruise is trapped in another crappy relationship and Angelina Jolie is a bad mom. Yeah, I have no clue. I don't really give a dead dog's fart about celebrities and their fabulously dramatic lives.

But then a picture of Robin Williams caught my eye. The photo the Globe (I think that was its name) decided to use must have been taken seconds before he killed himself. Not really, but it was a very depressing picture. If the pooparazzi followed me around long enough they'd get images of every possible emotion my face could express too. I find that frightening.

The heading next to the picture eluded to the real reason Robin Rilliams committed suicide (Sorry about the alliteration. It just sneaks up on me sometimes). Why bother using content that comes from a place of truth when you can pull a picture out of the archives that fits the context you're fabricating, am I right?

I hate to admit it, but my interest was piqued. I read a little further and burst out laughing. I laughed for about a minute. Everybody in line must have thought I was crazy. People two aisles over were glancing my way as well. I'm so glad I read that cover, because now I know the truth. :)

You've been very patient. Thanks for reading this far, but I think you've waited long enough. According to some dumb ass tabloid magazine displayed next to about six different flavors of tic tacs, the real reason Robin Williams killed himself is because...

Drum roll please...

He was haunted by John Belushi's Ghost! RIMSHOT!

If I'm lying then, I'm dying. I kid you not, that's what it said. Well, that's all I got, see ya. :b --Kolpik (talk) 22:49, July 20, 2018 (UTC)