Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25579853-20141026163231/@comment-25582588-20141026165831

To say the least, I was very lost while reading it. The spelling, punctuation, and grammar were hard to follow, and what little of it I could make out wasn't very clear. Seeing as to how you posted it in a fourm (and, I'm assuming, typed it up on your 3DS?), I can understand why it was hard to read it. But, what I can deduce from what I comprehended was this:

An unnamed character encounters a homeless man and lies about having food on their person, then is seemingly "cursed" by him. When the protagonist turns on their 3DS, the homeless man has apparently gotten into the game and did some freaky stuff to it.

Now, consider the plot and the length. How could the homeless man do these things? It was a bit short and didn't explain a lot of things. The part that was supposed to be the horror was cliche and really made no sense. The pacing was off, and you didn't give the story much of a chance to flourish with the maybe... what? Hundred words you put into it? My suggestion is that you rewrite it in your computer writing program, maybe make it longer and fix the errors listed above, and then post the story itself on this fourm. Then, if you need any more help, I'm here.