Talk:The Shadow Girl/@comment-27623698-20160217011014

Not bad, but far from perfect. I feel like it should have ended with her not killing him, her ending up in prison, or just dying. But you got greedy and had to turn it into another urban legend. This story teaches you not to trust monsters, who offer you revenge. Ironically, she could have got the same revenge with a gun, without becoming a hard to kill monster. Although she was hospitalized, she could've stole money, stole steroids, paid a homeless man to get her a gun and let him have some so he could buy beer. But no, revenge always has to cost a dangerous price. When you could get the same results if you killed them and spent the rest of your life on the run. Maybe not the best life, but at least you don't turn into mindslave, not even Dead Pool wants to be a mindslave. Also I feel like you didn't go in depth enough with the creature. The voice acting needs work. Very drug out. Also why did the creature need the one girl, when he could have just found another desperate human being. Never explained. I am as nitpicky as it gets.

Scarefactor: 5 Thrillfactor: 4. Twists: 7. Storytelling: 3. Word Choice: 9

Overall Score: 4-6