Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38024081-20191215194806/@comment-33904527-20191217210401

The last paragraph is really the only thing that makes this pasta worth reading. There's a nice idea here, but I feel as if the writing is too focused on descriptions and not enough on developing the underlying story. I understand that you may be trying to keep it more on the vaguer side, but you could always drop a few more hints relating to why the town was massacred, if they brought it upon themselves, etc.

The format the story is written in is also somewhat clichéd, and the constant interruption of the story by the words in bold messes with the flow. Maybe consider putting the bold words in brackets, or just completely redacting them from the story. Always make sure you check your spelling and grammar; there are missing pieces of punctuation and some misspelled words dotted around the text.