Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26437574-20160605151746/@comment-28266772-20160605174850

You have a lot of run on sentences which hurts the flow. It's a good idea to limit a sentence to one functional piece of information that directs the sequence of events. When you write a sentence you should bear in mind what is the subject of the sentence, how it is acting, and what it is acting upon (this is called the object). The relationship between the subject, action and object should be clear.

"Once you have acquired the necessary materials get into the car, you must be alone and it must be at around 4-5 AM, then drive off towards the farthest possible park in your neighbourhood thus the need for a car it must be empty and it must be completely dark from here wait until 6 AM" -> this sentence conveys too much information, and lacks structure. It's a run-on sentence. It reads better as,

"Once you have acquired the necessary materials get into the car. You must be alone and it must be at around 4-5 AM. Then drive off towards the farthest possible park in your neighbourhood, thus the need for a car. It must be empty and it must be completely dark. From here, wait until 6 AM"



A great way to tell if a sentence is run on, is to give it to someone new and get them to read it aloud. They will struggle to recognize the natural rhythm of the sentence, start running out of breath towards the end of a sentence, and start pausing where you haven't put any punctuation.

You also need to make sure that when you paste something into this site you make sure your formatting has been kept from whatever word processor you've used. I think you have paragraphs here but you still need to put them in with a linebreak. A lot of people won't go near a wall of text.

You also have a few spelling mistakes. There aren't loads, but you should put your stories through microsoft word's spell check, or spellcheck.net, or you can get chrome extensions that will spellcheck anything you write in a textbox. A lot people will interptret a lack of spellchecking as an unwillingness on behalf of the writer to re-read over their work. They'll then figure, "if the author won't review this, why should I?"

So, in summary, you need to fix your run-on sentences. You need to denote paragraphs with a line break. And you need to do a spell check before posting.

Also at one point you use the term "mind vision" - not a great a phrase to use. It conjures up images of Plan 9 From Outer Space more than it does a creepypasta.