Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25346013-20141030072755/@comment-25547916-20141102184652

First off, there's another pasta called "The Artist", so you should probably change the title. Secondly and more importantly, I had a lot of trouble following the story. Maybe it was just the strange setting, but it took a few reads for me to understand the plot. Honestly, I'm not sure how to help with that, maybe just strive for more clarity in your prose. Fixing up the grammar might help too. I'm not going to nitpick the syntax, but there were many mistakes. On a sidenote, it's really not necessary to capitalize "the" every time it precedes "Artist." The plot itself felt a bit unengaging; it seems like maybe there's a better direction to go than the machine is killing people. If you do make the machine kill people, it seems as though there should be much more of a reaction from the people it's attacking. Why is nobody but the narrator upset? Despite my criticisms, the main idea (Dead Art) is pretty cool and could make for a great pasta if fleshed out.