Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26416562-20150531040250/@comment-26193563-20150605185231

I don't think you're writing from inside the story. It apparently looks like you just added whatever suggestions were made to the beginning and end of the stories. Also, spelling and grammar errors are piling up.

I think you should first work on your intro. Too many pastas start off with "...was a normal kid," "...was normal until today," "...never be the same again..." It just gets boring. Reread the whole thing. If this was another random pasta you found on the wikia, would you bother to read it? The opening lines are crucial to the decision if the reader wants to read the pasta or not. If you have a boring introduction, it doesn't matter if the rest of your story is Suggested Reading content. People simply won't read it. Make the beginning suspenseful, mysterious, creepy. Add some horror elements to the pasta. What kind of pastas would you like to read? One that has a dull beginning, or one that has an interesting intro?

As for Joe's thoughts, you should still be using third person, as it can get confusing and a bit troublesome. You could also make the plot of the story simpler, more generalized. Usually, a pasta should have a creative plot line, etc. etc. but sometimes simple ideas are the most powerful kind of pastas.

The plot/prompt is: "Joe's parents are replaced by aliens that want to test human responses and then perform a vivisection on him to study human anatomy." It isn't too much of a complicated idea. Don't add extra stuff where they shouldn't be.

Just keep working on it. Don't rush getting this on the wikia. Take your time on it, as you might not have a second chance.

Also, if you're tired of me whining about the story, too bad XD.