Talk:The Girl Standing at the End of Church Street/@comment-25340844-20140909002603

author, your characters don't react the way real people would. There are parts that are needlessly dramatic, such as pushing the nurse out of the way, and the command issued to the bus driver. They don't just let kids dash out the front door of a hospital like that. Pretty much all interaction with the driver is incredibly cheesy and over-the-top. Also, if some scruffy young guy (he's covered in blood-splatters, remember?) barged into my house at night and insisted he lived there, I wouldn't be as understanding as the couple in your story seem to be. Your protagonist is constantly running from one place to another, which I found really annoying and pretty silly. People just don't have these reactions. Try to be more realistic in future.