Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26107461-20160628062327/@comment-24101790-20160628065457

Or it could be possible that I only needed two minutes to identify the frankly numerous problems. Remember, your story is barely over a page long and has a lot of errors that can be seen just by skimming it. Starting with the literary basics, never put two speakers in the same paragraph (""Since we're going hunting I figured we'd need this for emergency use" said Ryan. "That would be a wise idea, now get your ass in the car!" said Requis."). It muddles who's saying what and tends to break story flow. Feel free to confirm this by reading any book. Onto the numerous punctuation, capitalization, tense shifting, grammar, and story issues that resulted in your story being below quality standards.

Punctuation: Commas missing where needed. ""Hold on(comma missing) let me get something!"", ""Lets just get some sleep alright.."", etc. Punctuation missing/improperly used in dialogue. "we'd need this for emergency use(comma missing)" said Ryan.", "there are usually a lot of people here.(should be a comma)" said Requis.", "It's starting to get a little dark.(should be a comma)" said Requis." "I think we still have time. If we make it quick." said Ryan. " Go on your own, I'll stay and start up the fire(comma missing)" Requis said.", etc.

Punctuation issues cont.: Apostrophes missing from contractions/possessive words. ""Well thats strange, there are usually a lot of people here."" Question marks missing from questions (even rhetorical questions need proper punctuation) ""Ain't that a beauty.(?)" whispered Ryan." Hyphens missing from compound words. "it lets out a skin (-) crawling scream."

Punctuation cont.: You randomly use apostrophes and forget to use them when needed. "Requis looks around and see's nothing in the darkness.", " "Let(')s just get some sleep alright.."", " it let's (lets) out that scream again." "The thing was throwin(')", "a fit and screamin(')!"" When you drop a letter in cases of accents, you need to use an apostrophe to symbolize the dropped letter.

Wording issues: You shift between present tense ("He fires the weapon and gets a clean shot at the elk. The bullet rips through the elks flesh and into it's heart, killing it instantly. The boys get up and cheer for their success.") and past tense ("When Ryan got really deep in, he heard a sound. Something was moving around not to far away from him. He crouched down and listened carefully for any more sounds. As he did this he heard one to his far left.") You need to be uniform when you're writing a story. Alternating between past and present tense is a common mistake in authors just starting out and it really weakens a story.

Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. ""Come on! it's time to go!"", "The bullet rips through the elks flesh and into it's heart", "It's body is covered in dark(comma missing) thick fur", "and its staring directly Ryan.", Capitalization: ""Come on! it's time to go!"", "The creature is 10 feet tall, stands on 8 legs that are bent out of proportions, It's (its) body is covered in dark thick fur,", etc.

Story issues: There is a real lack of description that makes the story uninteresting. Take your description of the monster: "The creature is 10 feet tall, stands on 8 legs that are bent out of proportions, It's body is covered in dark thick fur, and its staring directly Ryan." This really needs a lot more to create a descriptive image.

Story issues cont.: The story is very rushed and it feels like the generic 'hunters/campers encounter something in the woods' story. Using my memory, feel free to check out Huntsville Camping Trip, The Wendigo, Bog of Whispers, Forest Dweller, and a lot of stories featured in the nature section. All of those stories share a similar premise to yours (people go into the woods, encounter a monster, etc.), but differentiate themselves from yours by having interesting characters, painting a scene/environment, spending time building up the story, etc. This feels very cookie-cutter and really needs a lot of work.