Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26217011-20150318102049/@comment-25825682-20150318173159

I did read the story and this is what I saw. I gathered she can experience the dolls as living, but I didn't know how she knew they had silver blood. May be put in a sentence or two on how she discovered this. Also, if Molly and the girls knew there was somtheing off with the doll, why give it to her to play with?

Those questions aside, I saw some issues here and there such as:

1. "When I was a kid, I use to beg my parent," Use to should change to used to, if you are reffering to the past.

2. "was at other peoples houses," peoples so change to people's by adding an apostrophe, since you're using possesive structure.

3. "More likely to talk to each other then me," it reads better as "than," compared to "then," considdering you are making a comparison between to subjects.

4. "So I played with," that expression is usually followed by a comma when used at the beginning of a sentence. Same for "So I pretended".

5. "Part of me was relieved, the other part was worried but when," a comma before "but," is needed.

6. "But this was different," this is a fragment sentence I suggest fusing it to another sentence or add a verb.

7. "like when someone get's their throat slashed," get's should be gets unless implying possesstion.

8. "Then demanded I get out of the sleeping bag," Then would be followed by a comma usually at the beginning of a sentence.

I hope this helps you somewhat and you continue writing.