Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20180531153309/@comment-5733573-20180604212821

I can see why this got deleted. I'm not saying it should have, but I can understand the thought process. Having the angel state things outright like, "You're on your way to the afterlife," and "You died" is a bit corny and on-the-nose. Same goes for the description of heaven.

Also, the amount of slang in the beginning is annoying and a little pretentious. It reads like you're trying to show off how much slang you know instead of honoring the story.

Ultimately, this feels more like a cautionary fairy tale than an creepypasta which makes it really hard to take it seriously. It's decently executed, but the ideas seem to be lacking. I hope you find this helpful.