Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31966463-20170509205839/@comment-24101790-20170530015744

It's nice to review a story without too many issues. I only found a couple of mechanical issues that probably need some revision:

"He must've been sick cause I remember that he sneezed heavily" (typically when shortening a word and dropping letters off, you use an apostrophe to denote the dropped letters ('cause). This is done to prevent misattribution and denote an accent.)

"His body burned into my memory." I think you're missing a word like "the image of" as just having it as 'His body burned into my memory.' feels a bit off.

"that? Cause like, the trailers looked kinda boring." (typically when shortening a word and dropping letters off, you use an apostrophe to denote the dropped letters ('cause). This is done to prevent misattribution and denote an accent.)

"There's no way Frank could've been murdered in the shape his body was in. But it doesn't stop there." There isn't anything mechanically wrong here, but I do think the sentence would benefit from some explanation. What about the damage done to the body indicates that he wasn't murdered. This is an opportunity to go into detail and really hook the audience in.

""Who knows? Maybe we accidentally dropped you in a vat of radioactive chemicals?" He (he) said in an attempt to be funny." You only really should capitalize dialogue tags if it's a proper noun.

"That's when I discovered an eerie photo of the lake late at night. It was taken at night and had no one in the photo. It showed the lake" This feels a bit redundant. Lines like: "late at night. It was taken at night" and "an eerie photo of the lake ... It showed the lake" feel a bit like you're restating things.

The opening entry (February 25th, 2016) feels a bit like you're trying to jump in to the story. I think a little introduction or building up the character would really help out the story.

A final note, I think this is well-written and I can definitely see it drawing some positive feedback. Most of the story edits I mention would mainly be aesthetic, but I think they'd make the opening a bit strong and help draw in the audience as we don't get a lot of character details for the protagonist until later in the story.

Once more, good job. I'll be interested to see what else you come up with during your time here.