User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Demo Reel Lost Episode

I'm a fan of the Nostalgia Critic. He's funny, and the reason I know quite a bit about movies. I also like Alstinson's Critiques. They're funny, and touch on a lot of good points. So when I was looking for something new to Riff, I looked at the Critiques, and struck gold, if you consider gold absolute garbage. That absolute garbage? "Demo Reel Lost Episode." Most lost episodes aren't very good, and if you're doing something with an Internet series in which the cast members have survived and continued on to another series, well, you know it's going to be stupid. Well, let's put on our black caps and loose ties, and Riff this bitch.

About Demo Reel

Demo Reel was a show created and written by the Walker Bros., Doug and Rob Walker. AKA, the Nostalgia Critic and some other guy. It was panned by audiences, only a specific few actually enjoyed the show. This show was a stand-in for the Nostalgia Critic.

The Episode

I had received the episode by an anonymous fan of the NC by EMail. I didn’t realize email was capitalized. I don't want to announce his EMail for numerous reasons, so let's just call him....Nick. ''Ok, why do Creepypasta stories that have characters who go by pseudonyms always have normal and boring ones? Screw those. I want someone whose name the writer doesn’t announce to be called GutBuster Awesomeness III or something. It’d make this crap easier to stomach.'' The video was a torrent .AVI file. ''Let’s see, a lost episode Creepypasta, a .avi file. I don’t see anything going wrong.'' I downloaded the torrent, got some snacks ready, and relaxed. ''Wasn’t Demo Reel panned by audiences? So why are you preparing to enjoy it?''

This episode started with a frame that popped up for a split second, but I'll get into what that frame was once more later. Well, that was informative, thank you. It started off with Rachel, Malcolm, and Doug all gathered in a room, in their usual conference table. They were all looking down at the table, grim-like. Their expressions seemed to be a mixture of Angry, Depressed, and Traumatized. Doug had just seen Mama Mia, and forced the rest of them to do so too. Doug broke the grim silence, "We...Cannot let whatever that...THING was get into our video. We just can't." You can, however, learn when to capitalize. at this point, I was puzzled. 5 minutes in.

''The 5 minutes in is random. So are you saying that part happened five minutes in, or the upcoming part happens five minutes in?''

Rachel came back with what was almost a cry or shout of anguish and despair. "Donnie....I don't know how we can edit that thing out of the episode. It's face al-- It's face almost took up the entire frame of the camera." Why don’t you reshoot or something? Rachel sobbed during the exposition of the "THING"'s face. After 3 minutes of another round of grim silence, Malcolm suggested that "We cancel the show. If we do more episodes, this thing will find a way to get into our tapes." ''So THAT’S why Demo Reel was cancelled. I thought it was because the Nostalgia Critic came back or something.'' I was disturbed at this point. Starting to want to shut down my computer altogether.

8 Minutes in, no sign of Karl or Quinn. Just pure silence. I knew what was to come. So do I: some dumbass plot point or idea.

"If we cancel this show, we can't go back at all. No more anything anymore. We seriously HAVE to find a way to get this god damn thing out of our tapes AND our lives." I realized that this wasn't an actual episode, this was a real conversation between Malcolm, Rachel, and Doug. ''You know who can help? Linkara. At the very least, he’s a man (PUNCH!).'' It was chilling. Just as I was about to shut my entire computer down, the so-called "CLIMAX" happened. I love how the author calls the climax of this story “so-called.” It makes my job much easier. I heard a loud fucking roar. I could swear it was the impact of the Moon hitting the earth's atmosphere if I wasn't paying attention.

The camera went all "Found Footage" on us. ''Oh. Lovely. Because found footage always leads to great horror. Isn’t that right, Paranormal Activity?'' The room was dark, it was pitch black. "GET TO THE EXIT! HURRY UP!" “GET TO THE CHOPPA!” Doug called out as he frantically sobbed and ran for dear life. Malcolm and Rachel were at the exit. It was too late. TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE, TOOOO LATE. Doug looked up in astonishment and horridness, for it was the Nostalgia Critic himself before him. He remembers it so you don’t have to! The only thing was....This wasn't the Nostalgia Critic. Was it Linkara?

It's eyes were glowing, as if it was a vampire in Night Vision. ''Vampire in night vision? What the actual fuck?'' It's mouth stretched to its scalp, making a smile. Because it’s not bad Creepypasta unless the monster has a smile. It's teeth were....Sharp “Sorry… for the ellipses...I was…DOING…my…William Shatner…impression.”  and matted with blood. The eyes on this fucking thing were caved into its skull, leaving very small pencil mark sized eyes revealed. It's body stretched out in a grotesque manner, it's legs were broken backwards, and it grew wings out of its fucking temples. ''So wings grew out of the Nostalgia Freak’s face? What was this writer smoking? Well, I will give him props for originality.'' That was the frame that appeared for a split second as mentioned at the beginning.

This thing attacked Doug to the point of where he was left to die. ''Yeah, just leave him to die rather than finish him off. The Nostalgia Freak is like some kind of messed up Bond villain.'' Rachel got caught by the thing and pulled into the pitch black studio while letting out a blood curdling scream. Blood splattered all over Malcolm, as he was the only one to survive. “Malcom would become the new Nostalgia Critic.” The footage ended on a cooing funeral song, with pictures of Doug and Rachel captioned:

DOUG WALKER (1981-2013) RACHEL TIETZ - REST IN PEACE ''Screw Rachel, we don’t know or care when she was born. Also, I think a new Nostalgia Critic episode is going to be on next Thursday or something.''

This...this was stupid. Lost episodes, in my opinion, could work for animated shows, since you can have the characters die horribly or show nightmarish imagery without anyone saying, "Hey, aren't these people alive?" It doesn't work quite as well for live action ones, especially when the people in the story who are supposed to be dead are still very much alive.

Even outside of the premise, this still sucks quite a bit. The author doesn't quite know when to capitalize, and uses more ellipses than William Shatner does in a normal conversation. And, seriously, of all the Channel Awesome shows you could've done a lost episode for, you chose Demo Reel? Hell, an Atop the Fourth Wall one could work better. Maybe have it so Linkara's fictional foes are very much alive. Or, hell, you know what would be scary, especially to some schmuck on the Internet who talks crap about bad stories like me? Having the writers, actors, directors of bad movies Doug's reviewed come to get revenge. Make it a Nostalgia Critic lost episode. Sure, it would be stupid, but it would work better than this.

Anyway, I'm the Goddamn Dorkpool. I Riff it so you don't have to.

So, what do you guys think? Was this pasta good? Bad? Was the Riff any good? Do you wish I would be killed by the Nostalgia Freak? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.