Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4832646-20140812015555/@comment-4832646-20140812232456

Banningk1979 wrote: This is an interesting story because it plays on several aspects of humanity. The man's reaction to death and suffering, his ability to feel empathy for an unknown victim had a real feel to it.

Someone losing their faith is also a very common occurrence, especially after seeing something traumatic. Personally, I would have liked to have seen that explored differently. It all feels organic until the man abandons his faith, something that the story says was important to him, just for finding a skeleton in a cave.

'God help me' is a common phrase that most people will use in moments of stress or anxiety, regardless of their personal religious beliefs. Crosses are also commonly worn jewelry.

So, just the combination of the girl's skeleton wearing a cross and writing 'God help me' in the cave, didn't really convince me that she was some lost christian praying her final hours away until death.

I would consider adding a journal with the skeleton, something that really hammers home the fact that she was a woman of faith, and was putting all of her faith in God to rescue her, and was then left to die.

Plus, Dawkson's Creek. I guess because I spent so much time watching 90's pop shows, every time I read the title of this, I just keeping picturing Dawson's Creek. I can almost picture James Vanderbeek sitting there, conquering all of his 90's problems.

To cap it though, I think this has a lot of potential to be a great psychological thriller with a heavy 'losing your beliefs' concept. Perhaps adding to drunkard's hallucinations would work. He hallucinates the fall over and over again, perhaps he could hallucinate the prayer as well?