Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-2151472-20150301032702/@comment-24101790-20150501151821

This story had a number of stumbling areas for me. It shifts from past to present tense a lot. I fixed most of it, but you may want to re-read it and correct what I missed. You seem to switch to present tense during the action sequences while staying in past tense for the introduction and earlier parts.

"If it were his actual picture is yet to be known to him." (Who is saying this line?) "It bent down and proceeded to bash her forehead with the wrench." (Seems like that should have killed or at least knocked her out), "The pedophile screams, knocking Tony off of him. Was that real, or was it all of a child's imagination?" (Not sure what you are meaning to say here.), "They managed to make it downstairs when the pedophile emerges from his idle movements."

Awkward wording: "He laughs and pulls the fire poker into the air.", "In one final laugh, he is knocked to the ground by Jolene's stone to his face.", "He knocked him down and began holding his hand with the fire poker in it back"

This story needs a lot of work.