Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24381191-20140904164608/@comment-24304936-20140905150955

I like the premise, but I agree with the other posters that some more length and detail would be better. It has a sci-fi/surreal vibe to it (which is very much my cup of tea), but it is very difficult to present well in the length you made it.

I'd suggest fleshing out some more details as the character approaches the fringes of the atmosphere; perhaps what he thinks is a hallucination is actually happening? Or something like that.

Besides that, you have a pretty nasty run-on sentence in the beginning there:

" I didn't bother wiping it, in a while, it wouldn't matter, it would all be over soon."

This could just be:

"I didn't bother wiping it. Why should I? It wouldn't matter because it would all be over soon."

I think there were one or two other minor mechanical things too that are easily fixable.

Anyway, good job so far with what you've got. How about "Earthly Remains" as a title? :)