Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180822020522/@comment-35711173-20180824235403

You asked for help with the story in another thread. I am trying to give some here.

I pasted your story into www.grammarly.com. You have dozens of errors in basic English. Grammarly and other tools help find some types of errors. They aren't a substitute for careful writing and composition.

I pasted your story into https://www.scribens.com. It says you have 27 run-on sentences. Those make the story very difficult to read. Again this is just a tool but it does find some common mistakes. Since it's free, use it.

Once you fix all of that, you have a lot more to fix in just the basic English composition. But we'll assume you do learn that. I am seeing some improvement. For example, you are using paragraphs now.

I dislike the plot of the story. There - I said it. Maybe with time you can make it into something marvelous. I doubt it. Do the best you can with it and then when you REALLY can do no more you can go to the next story. If you want it to not disappear within hours then you will need to keep on working.