Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27163285-20151105110603/@comment-27012445-20151107214635

Good concept and well written for a draft. A bit of advice though, do not ever comment or call out attention, or make excuse for bad grammar/punctuation, especially due to inexperience. In a reviewing capacity, it already gives it an impression of "this is going to be bad" and a lot of people have a pet peeve when someone calls out that they are new or young, etc when asking for a review. Punctuation and grammar error checking is a given in WW review. Having said that, here are the problems I had The story was a bit all over the place. This has more to do with the writing style and disconnection from the beginning of a thought to its completion.

It was difficult to tell who was talking. The beginning, "he" raises his hand (assuming it's Jacob), but then Jacob is called on answer the question. The image is a boy, the the man in the mirror, then the girl, I got lost. there were several joined sentences that were unnecessary and actually made the storyline confusing with statement that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Really good start, just needs to be tightened up