Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10319977-20151014202612/@comment-26007602-20151015173347

That's not actually breaking the fourth wall. You can address the audience without breaking the fourth wall. But that's beside the point.

Personally, do I think it should be scrapped? Well, no. There aren't a whole lot of stories that I find should be given up on completely. I think the story flows well and is well written enough that it shouldn't be thrown away. There is room for improvement here, and I don't see how adding any kind of threat into the world would make it cliche. Admittedly, I don't read a lot of dream type stories, but the idea of the reader living in another's dream seems unique. Alone, it isn't scary, but with some further implications, I can see it working. Maybe delve into what happens when the apparitions go to sleep, or how they think. In this case, The focus shouldn't be on our narrator, as nothing creepy happens to him. It needs to be on the apparitions around him, as that's where the story's horror stems from.