Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27888006-20160229023022/@comment-27838637-20160229062358

I am new to this site so don't take my word as gospel.

I think the concept you have is workable, but unfortunately it seems you have butchered it. It is evident that you are a young and inexperienced writer with alot to offer, so don't jump the gun and rush a story in order to complete it. This story needs more time and love put into it; which will greatly enhance the quality.

First of all simple grammar is almost non-existent. You have missed capital letters and punctuation which makes the story hard to read. The syntax is extremely awkward and some sentences need to be reread to make sense. The story is extremely lacking depth-wise and I was wanting the narrator and his friends to be killed by the mysterious cameraman - not because I hated your characters but I liked them about as much as an extra in a film whose sole purpose is to be killed. Also, the structure makes the story hard to read as it does not properly flow from start to finish.

I like the concept, and I love your ambition. But frankly the story is of very low quality. Please take into consideration my critiques as they may be harsh but I only want you to use them to rewrite your creepypasta. I suggest extending the story, thus allowing more depth to the characters, the setting, their predicament and the mysterious cameraman. In doing this the story will evolve from a campfire story to a proper creepypasta. Ensure you stay away from cliches too.

Take care, I hope to see the rewritten story on the writers workshop again soon.

A_O.