Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25444505-20140926202056/@comment-25444505-20140927072247

Thank you, Endwell.

I totally understand where you're getting at about the narration, stream of consciousness  being the bastard child of narration that it is. However, I should mention that I am using stream of concsciousness as a personal writing challenge. So while I appreciate the critique in that regard, I would'nt be able to change the whole of the narration in good conscious .

I tried to seam in the narrators non-core dialogue (his use of "I guess", and so forth) into the story as organically as possible. In using them, I was hoping to make the narrator seem less rigid and more responsive. In hind sight, I may have gone overboard in doing so. I want to find a good balance in using the non-core dialogue in order to make the narrator seem more human, but not have it be too distracting.

The real issue I'm having with this piece is the pacing of the world beyond the narrator, as you pointed out. It's just not something that stream of conscious easily allows, if at all. With that, my current challange is to find a reasonable way to circumvent this. Otherwise, the only quantifiable amount of time that passes through the story is a mere twenty minutes from a throwaway line.

I'm glad to hear (or read) that you enjoyed what I was trying to get at with this, and I appreciate the time you took to critque it.