Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24779263-20140405184534/@comment-24841494-20140407042422

Very good for a first pasta, even more so a gaming pasta. You did very well on avoiding cliches and the such. However, I would recommend expanding the paragraphs a bit, and adding a lot more descriptions. At the moment, it is very short and choppy. work on that, and you are golden. I also noticed some spelling/grammar errors, but that is not my strong suite so I will leave to another reviewer.