Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25121533-20140701061329/@comment-25037895-20140701070023

mediocre - In my opinion, this word doesn't fully describe a dead end "decent paying job"

[she became incapable to take care of herself] - she became incapable of taking care of herself, she lost the ability to take care of herself.

she was sleep - she was asleep.

[After a few months, she moved in with him, her housing clearly not being suitable for proper living, and then a while after that, they got married.] It feels like a run on. All the clauses are connected, but still I would change it to make it flow better.

[Everything was perfect, or at least appeared to be on the surface. For the first time in her life, she was happy; almost too happy.] I think this may have been intentional on your part, but just reading this sentence gives me a headache. It sounds very cliché.

[Whether it was her exhaustion causing her to not shut them last night or her husband searching for a household item, she did not know.] In the story, the drawers are completely irrelevant except as a sign of an intruder. It may be more suspenseful to not go ahead and say "she had no idea what was even going on". That's what this sentence feels like to me as a reader. This part alone takes away from the story in my opinion.

[She figured that she would give him some time and not bother him to hurry up.] Why would she rush him? So, they could eat breakfast sooner? Did she feel like something was wrong, and needed him now? Im really more confused about this sentence than anything.

Good story in my opinion.