Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24694408-20140324165203/@comment-4832646-20140404215339

My issue lies within a few different things. One: The first paragraph didn't need an explanation about camps. It's common knowledge. The explanation hardly if at all contributed to the story as a whole.

Two, the dialogue. He says a few senseless things, and when he goes after the boy the second time as a journalist, he says everything in a mixed up order. It's awkward and feels very weird.

Three: How do we know the man is the same boy from the time he was a scout? He could've been carrying an unfinished note. There needs to be something there to confirm in some way that they're the same person.

Four: You've got runons and things such as that. There's some awkward phrasing as well. Read it out loud to yourself. What flows off the tongue the best? Where do you stumble? Where do you run out of breath from reading the entire sentence without a period, comma, semicolon, etc.?

Overall, it's not good. It's not bad, but it's not good. It could use improvement.