Talk:Spider Queen/@comment-27496972-20180721134350

I might not be an expert in creepypastas, but this is pretty good compared to the previous chapters. tbh, it sort of feels like the origin story of a soon-to-be killer in Dead by Daylight (if you know what it is).

What I will say about the previous chapters is this:

The first one was too short and focused too much on details around the house. While it is important to detail important locations in a story to set the mood, you kind of went overboard and it felt a bit like a high school student's English assessment which needed to reach a minimum word count his draft was nowhere near. It passes, but much like an English teacher I'm pointing out the flaws that prevented this thing from being perfect.

The second one, wasn't really good. I'd say out of the three stories, it's the worst of them. Good concept, but it felt messy. Not the messy that makes for a good gore-riddled horror story, but the messy that one would see in the Roast Me Subreddit. It felt loooooooooonng and boring and I ended up skipping most of it, sorry.

This one, the Spider Queen, was set at a nicer pace. Good detailing, decent wordplay, great characters, the lot. Basically, while I wished that the good doctor wore round black-rimmed specticales, that the ending was a tiny bit longer (e.g. Irene thinking about the story in her head or something) and that Mary Jane did something like the spider-walk from The Exorsist or something, it's the best one yet.

Keep up the good work. Hopefully someone else offers more insiteful critisism than me.