Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37554505-20181121225755/@comment-35711173-20181122022402

Spidergeneral,

I caught about half a dozen mistakes in your basic English. You would need to fix them before posting but all in all that's not too bad for a first draft.

I don't get the connections to go from counting 1 2 3 because of a voice in your head is paying you a visit to the apocalypse. I understand where you are going with higher dimensions. I'm just not feeling any sort of creepiness or horror out of it.

You can say in a story "All Hell is now unleashed" and I just nod and say OK and go to the next story unless you have built up suspension of disbelief. I don't feel suspension of disbelief here.