Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26027963-20150413230942/@comment-25825682-20150414031241

Well, my view of the story is that it was okay, although I was puzzled on why the first investigators didn't find the other two bodies. That aside, I'm just gonna point out grammar stuff. I don't know if you wanted this though.

1. "Last time I," a "the," in front would probably fit and read better(optional).

2. The words "Mom," and "Dad," the first letter should be lowercase, unless it's a title and if so leave it.

3. "but if you said she hated me for it, your right," I'm thinking "your," should be "you're," by how this structure reads.

4. "I wasn't (to excited) to be back," in the paranthetical part I put there, "to," should be "too," for the excessive meaning. Another option is omitting the "to," and "wasn't," for "I should be excited,"(optional).

5. "My self," is usually written "myself." I actually got corrected on that recently on an assignment.

6. "News caster," is "newscaster."

7. "The piano playing genial notes," you probably need "is," in there or a comma before "playing."

8. "I'm her son, she's my mother. May I speak to her now?,". The question mark or comma after it have to go, I don't know what this implies.

9. "And waited and waited and waited," a comma is suggested after the "And," and "Then the line picked up," a comma after "Then."

10. " I want to find were they," the word "were", should be "where," since you're referring to location.

-For now that's all I will say considering my computer is about to go whacky on me. However, I will try to get back to this later tomorrow. I did like the tap tap thing, never considered that for raining effect.