Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26054278-20150307173939/@comment-26054278-20150307184437

SilverDarkCureXZ wrote: Just some errors I found.

"The audience laugh as the young man in the top hat smiles." I think you may need to change smiles to smiled and laugh into laughed

"Tom had started to have had enough." I find the phrasing in this sentence a bit awkward.

Intersting story, not sure I've seen something quite like this before. I like how you made the game of chess one big metaphor for life, though most shows do it, I've notice very little people when writing creppy pastas take into consideration to make things into metaphors. I especially liked how you even had Darunu point out that the whole situation and himself were just figments of Tom's imagination.

Though, any good reader such as myself would have gone through the whole situation and realized that an outside cause was what triggered it. The situation didn't start until he was given that letter, even the person who handed it to him seemed to know what he was doing. You really do have experience under you belt. Yet again a mysterious being that got bored and decided to mess with someone for their own enoyment, just splendid. Thanks for the help. I'll be sure to fix those errors, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.