Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9041013-20190213101433/@comment-9041013-20190214203820

DrBobSmith wrote: Bloody Spaghetti,

The first four paragraphs tell way too much. There's no show.

The exchange below bothers me.

"“So, you’re a real werewolf or somethin, eh?!” Connor blurted out as he spat on the floor, looking around for his gun which had been knocked away from him.

“Not quite the werewolf,” the thing retorted in a deep clear voice. "

This thing is tearing him apart and Connor is wasting time and effort intellectually speculating on its nature. I know you want to deliver the line, but I lose suspension of disbelief here.

Connor doesn't satisfy me. I don't feel the equivalent of the real Golden State Killer here.

The kid watched a man and a huge animal fight. He saw the man empty a gun into the animal and the animal shrugged it off. Have you ever shot a gun indoors with no hearing protection? His ears would be ringing. He would be shaking and terrified. Yet he calmly wants to go to bed?

Dr. Bob Ahh... you're right about the hearing protection. Also the cocky line was delivered before the tearing apart. Thank you regardless.