Talk:Another Kind of Evil/@comment-25941663-20151028170006

You are clearly talented, but I'm going to be honest with you here. I didn't like this. I didn't find it creepy/scary and it lacked suspense (apart from some few moments).

It starts off strong with the email and the story of how he got kidnapped and later saved is nicely written and offers a good entrance for the plot. But it's just that. An intro. And it dragged on for far too long, compared to the rest of the story. It takes about half of the pasta, and that's not good for a short story. If this was longer, it would have served as a great way to introduce the main plot. But here the plot is shorter than the intro, and that's a problem.

That's actually the main problem with this. The premise and plot are suited for a much longer pasta.

The ending also falls flat, I'm afraid. It is very character-centered, but we don't get to see much of the character. In more than half of the story he is a little boy, and in the other half he is simply narrating parts of his life. There's no serious character buildup. So the ending doesn't do much.

The other problem with the story is the villain. We don't see much of them. After the kidnapping, you only mention their actions in one paragraph + a message (until the ending). They don't actually feel like they're competent and they don't strike fear in the hearts of the readers. They don't have an air of mystery around them, they feel like a bland, evil organization. In short, they have no character.

Those are the biggest problems with the story. Other than that, it was nicely written, and the kidnapping part was very good, plus your wording was spot on.

You have a lot of potential. This just didn't click. Keep it up though, I'm sure you'll improve a ton with some more practise. If you write another story, I'll gladly give it a review.