Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26277607-20170707230342

''Any suggestions would be helpful. I was having trouble adding closure to the story, so I'm also open to suggestions on how to improve the last paragraph.''



          Maldwyn lived a lonely life. He was trapped in a small, metal box that he couldn’t escape. He didn’t know how he ended up there or if he ever lived a life before this, but the life inside this box was the only one he ever knew.

            The box was slightly shorter than Maldwyn, which forced him to stay crouched, and it was too small for him to move forward, backwards, or sideways. He could hear people outside, but was completely mute and couldn’t call them. His skin was thin and his bones were fragile from his lack of exercise, which prevented him from hitting the box to alert the people outside of his presence. The only way he could get people to hear him was by dropping coins from a bag he had with him in the box. The coins would make a small noise that could be heard if there wasn’t any noise around. Occasionally, someone would come to the box, but they would just pick up the coin and leave. The bag was stuffed with coins, and Maldwyn didn't think it would ever empty.

            The box was completely dark. It only had one small opening near the top, from which he dropped the coins. He could barely see from it unless what he was looking at was right near the opening.

Maldwyn had been living in this box for quite some time. He could see the amount of light outside of the box changing over time, which allowed him to measure a day. Many days had gone by, and Maldwyn estimated he had been in the box for at least a week.

            Maldwyn was starving. He couldn’t remember ever eating, as there was no food inside the box. He was also thirsty, and his only source of water was the condensation that would form on the walls of the box from the humidity. It wasn’t much, but enough to keep him alive.

            It was then that Maldwyn heard some voices, and then footsteps towards him. Someone was near the box. Naturally, Maldwyn took a coin and dropped it through the small opening in an attempt to alert the person. This was only one of many times that he had done this. The person, however, seemed to have been approaching the box anyways. As the person got closer, Maldwyn saw that it was a boy, maybe about eleven years old. He had in his hand a pouch that he then placed on the ground. The boy picked up the coin that Maldwyn just dropped and went to put it back through the opening. Maldwyn knew that he now had a chance to make someone aware of him, so he pushed the coin away when the boy tried to put it through. The boy put the coin down, and then left.

<span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            Maldwyn was disappointed, and his hope of freedom he felt in that moment vanished. Suddenly, he heard footsteps, and the boy was back. He had with him a light, which he shined through the opening on the box. Maldwyn went into the light as to make himself visible, and through the opening the boy say Maldwyn’s bloodshot eyes. He shrieked, and ran away.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            Footsteps returned as Maldwyn then saw the boy with a man.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            “Dad, shine the light into the opening. There’s something in there,” the boy said.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            The light shined back into the opening, and Maldwyn saw the man up close. He was startled, and looked to his son. “I’m going to stay here. You go get some help.”

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            The boy ran out, and the father started pacing around the box. Maldwyn was more excited than he ever remembered being. He had been noticed and would be saved soon. It wasn’t long until he heard a parade of footsteps outside, and a few more men looked into the opening. The father then went up to the box, and in a few seconds, the front wall of the box opened up.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            Maldwyn imagined in his mind what he was going to see. There were going to be doctors and nurses, and people who were going to take care of him. Instead, there were men with rifles pointed at him. What they saw was a gross, scrawny man with bloodshot eyes and messy gray hair. He seemed undead to them.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            “There’s a monster in our house!” the boy yelled.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            “No!” his father shouted back. “That man is a thief! He tried to steal my fortune, but it looks like the safe door closed on him. It must have closed quickly, too, by the looks of that blemish on his head. I doubt he can remember his name.”

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: "TimesNewRoman",serif">            Ironically, his name was the only thing that Maldwyn could remember. One of the riflemen approached him and said, “What is your name?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman",serif">There was no reply.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman",serif">“Can you speak?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman",serif">Again, no reply.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman",serif">“He’s a mute.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:107%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman",serif">“That’s too bad. I guess we won’t be able to write an obituary after he’s hanged,” the father said. “Take him to his cell. “

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent:.5in"><span style="font-family:"TimesNewRoman",serif;font-size:12pt;text-indent:0.5in;">The riflemen grabbed Maldwyn, and he was walked away. A man who knew nothing about himself was now to be forgotten, and he didn’t remember committing his crime. The only thing he remembered, which could have been used to mark his legacy, he was unable to communicate. No one would no he was Maldwyn. <span style="font-family:"TimesNewRoman",serif;font-size:12pt;text-indent:0.5in;">         <ac_metadata title="Maldwyn"> </ac_metadata>