Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30996990-20170325023949/@comment-30996990-20170325041647

EmpyrealInvective wrote: I'm sorry, but this really doesn't work and isn't up to quality standards. Besides the capitalization ("Let's Play a game where") and wording issues ("May we a play game?"), you tend to cut off lines randomly ("I'll cut off your head and / You'll wish I was dead,", "We'll only laugh / At the mess that we've made.") which really messes with the flow of the poem. Additionally there really isn't a driving force behind the poem. It just feels like a random idea that popped into existence without much grounding or anything to make the audience invested. Considering the redundancy/repetition of "May we a play game? / Where I am the king / And you are the queen / And together we will make / Blood rain." in a poem where very little plot happens I have to say that this is going to need quite a lot of work if you're planning to post this to the site.

It's a poem.