User:AGrimAuxiliatrix1/My Critiques

This is simply a page in which I will compile all of my in-depth reviews. Most of my shorter reviews will not be on here unless I am referring to a particularly short pasta. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

"Lost Episodes" Review (PotM)
This is one of the few stories in which it is rather painful to scroll through these comments and watch as everybody give this story incredibly high scores. I think it is about time I went ahead and fixed that, but I have a lot of ground to cover if I am to explain my dislike effectively.

Slimebeast seems to have a very specific emotion captured in a few of his stories, and that is sarcasm. He does this very well in "Funnymouth", but it is one of the major flaws of this story. When a thing that is supposed to be creepy occurs early in the story, he always kind of has some sarcastic thought or weird detail.

For example, the main character and Sid just had a little conversation revealing how Sid feels about his new versions of things and how he believes the old, happy endings to just be a lie. However, right after that, the protagonist says the following:

"He just kept drawing as I stood there. The silence was disturbing, and in that moment I could smell the B.O. coming off of him. It wasn't just sweat, either. It was a mingling of that and a foul ass and piss-soaked cloth."

Why would you bother bringing that up. Literally, you could have had something of an unsettling moment, but then you bring up this kind of sarcastic remark and an unnecessary detail that really should have either been summed up before the conversation or not referenced at all.

There are plenty more examples of stuff like this, and I could certainly dig through some more for you, but I have to get to some of my other problems.

Firstly, the creepy stuff is not creepy. This is mainly because of the concept. Don't get me wrong, this does have an interesting and original concept, but it has to kind of focus on very poor source material. Since Lost Episode pastas are very cliche and not very scary, anything revolving around the stuff Sid creates is usually cliche and not very scary. Sure, there is some conversations about Sid's mind which could be interesting and disturbing, but they are usually (again) interrupted by the sarcastic writing style. The ending is not cliche, but that is something I want to address later. I'm not looking forward to it.

Next, I should probably go ahead and say why this concept actually only works for a few "Lost Episode" pastas. This doesn't really effect the story itself, but I simply noticed that stories such as "Dead Bart", "Suicidemouse.avi", "The Amazing World of Gumball: The Grieving", "The Black Friday Incident", and many more all state that the creators of each of those episodes/films were the actual creators of the source material. Therefore, a bit of credibility is lost when this pasta only applies to a couple stories.

For a Slimebeast story, there are a few grammar errors, which I usually never notice in his stories. Possibly this is due to the rather poor plot. Sometimes, Slimebeast brings up random things only to never mention them or explain what they did with it again. For example:

 "Somewhere out there, this chubby Star Wars nerd from our highschool has all three original films flawlessly cut together, with edited-in effects that would've made George Lucas himself cry out: 'Enough meddling!!' 

We charged him like twenty dollars for the only copy, because we were idiots."

Alright, then. Really pointless and really doesn't add much to what you already said about how much of a great animator Sid was, but if you build upon it or have it have some relevance to the plot, it might work.

Of course it is never mentioned again.

Now, it appears I must address the ending. I have looked at many angles to see how this ending could possibly work and be scary, and nothing works. Slimebeast starts building up this horrific thing, the parents are dead, the sarcastic tone is kind of there but it is starting to fade away, and then Slimebeast threw his keyboard to the ground and said, "Screw it! I can't think of ending, so I'm just going to write random stuff down and hope it works!"

Sid being a cartoon character is incredibly stupid. I might have taken it seriously if it was written very dramatically and Sid said absolutely nothing, but that does not happen. However, that is not the only reason why this does not work. The thing is that the twist itself is an awful twist.

Sid showed that he hated the happy endings and he liked the new and more dark endings, so it makes perfect sense that he would put himself in one of the happiest environments ever (sarcasm). Secondly, where is his motivation? Sid was just shown to be obsessed with doing this whole thing with tapes and maybe a bit insane, but they never suggested him wanting to essentially kill himself and (possibly) his parents. Lastly, this twist would never, ever work in reality. Why would they have a sign saying a bank bought the property and yet allow all their stuff to remain there, leave the power on, and not even bother to investigate the house or conduct any search for these dead people? It makes no sense, and completely makes this story fail.

In total, I dislike this pasta for quite a few reasons. It fails as a Creepypasta and it fails as being an entertaining story. There are elements and moments that make it kind of interesting sometimes, but overall, it really doesn't work. 3/10.

Check out Dorkpool's riff of this story. He has some lovely and hilarious commentary on it.

"Squidward's Suicide" Review
Not too long ago, I did a very in-depth review of Slimebeast's story, "Lost Episodes". I had tons to talk about there, and I have just as much, if not more, to say about this cliche-ridden waste of time.

Firstly, I have to comment on the grammar. The grammar in this story is very poor. There are countless tense swaps, and some sentences that are worded poorly/don't really make sense. This pasta does not work on an English level, so how does this story work as a plot- CLICHES.

So many CLICHES.

Jesus Christ, they pulled everyone out of the book for this story. The only one they didn't bother adding in was the use of 666 somewhere. I know this was one of the earlier stories to use these cliches, but it doesn't matter because the cliches were not scary then. If they weren't scary then, they sure as hell are not scary now.

Also (and I have stated this before), the term "hyper-realistic" is used incorrectly. Yes, one of the biggest cliches of the Lost Episode/Video Game genre is not even right. "Hyper-realistic" refers to sculpture or painting. The correct term, "photo-realistic", is the one that should be used. This once again proves that the author doesn't know English as well as he probably could.

Anyway, Lost Episodes will always resort to shock value. The only good ones that exist actually ignore this shock value and try and build up some real scares. Therefore, what does this pasta do?

Of course it does shock value. As a matter of fact, it results to one of the laziest and most terrible things you can do with it: Include gore and children.

Gore is just about the laziest thing an author can put it in to try to shock the audience. However, when the author includes children into that, it actually gets offensive. Children are a very sensitive subject, but if a story is written well or the plot heavily revolves around it to deliver a twist or something, yeah, it might be a tiny bit unconformable, but the story's quality will strive, or the shock will actually not be used too much to offend the audience (Autopilot is a good example).

This pasta just randomly puts not just gore, but children into it just for the purpose of trying to shock the audience. However, this actually offended me, how they would throw around this very serious thing just to get some sort of reaction out of the reader. The author of this story needs to deal with serious subjects with respect, and there is none here. Also, they describe the gory children three times. Three. Times.

People will say, "But it was important to the plot! You said that if it was important to the plot, it would work!" However, I will argue that for one, this story uses way too much of the gore and children (in fact, they use it three times) to not be able to offend the audience. Also, the whole "mystery" behind who killed the children really doesn't need to be here, and it could have been handled so much better.

However, even the parts of the story without the cliches still leave so much room open for plotholes. I have actually said in another little thing I did related to this pasta, "A rather unbelievable plot, but mainly because it relies on Creepypasta logic ('I have no reason to continue, but I'm going to do it anyway'), which is kind of necessary for a lot of pastas. However, the reason here for why is very weak compared to the content we see."

Let me elaborate a bit. The main character and everybody in the room sees a photo of a dead child (actually, three photos). After the first photo, they say, "We were of course mortified, but pressed on, hoping that it was just a sick joke."

The author is talking about a dead, gruesomely murdered child, and they think it might just be a little morbid joke. These people are terrible. Once you start seeing dead children in a cartoon intended for a very young audience, why the hell would you keep going? Why would you not call the police immediately (they eventually do, but why didn't they do it right then)? Why are all these people still in the room? How did these interns even get in the room? Shouldn't they be, I don't know, doing actual work? There are so many plot holes, so many things that don't add up, that it completely destroys this story.

The only possible "okay" thing in this story is the opening up until they start talking about how there was "something that set the whole creative team" back is decent, and there really isn't many grammar errors (there is one or two sentences that are worded a bit oddly, but they still make some sense).

Also, the video is not very scary, and really has nothing to do with the quality of the story. As a matter of fact, I got bored after about 45 seconds of it.

In total, this is not only one of the worst pastas on this wiki, but this is one of the most offensive things I have ever read, along with Cry Baby Lane. I give this 1.5/10, and nothing anybody says will get that rating any higher.

Check out Dorkpool's riff of this story. His comments make the story much more tolerable to sit through.

"I Found a Digital Camera in the Woods" Review
This thing amazes me by how a person can post a bunch of pictures of nature (with no creepy elements), write a quick two paragraphs about finding the camera, and then posting it to a wiki to somehow get the category, "Historical Archive". I did not call it a story because this isn't a story. This is a photo gallery. Are the photos creepy? No. People seem to be claiming there is a man in some of them, but honestly, pretty much everything in the background people could point to and say, "That right there... is a man." All of it is just random fog and shadows.

However, how is the actual writing? Even the actual two paragraphs have errors. For example, one sentence says, "When I approached, I saw it was a digital camera!" That is not a sentence, as it should say, "When I approached it, I..."

Also, there is a tense swap in the second paragraph ("It's a 3.3 megapixel Powershot S20!" when it should be, "It was a 3.3 megapixel Powershot S20!"). Therefore, this story doesn't even work on a writing level.

As a photo gallery, it is a bit boring and repetitive, getting about a 4/10. As a "story", I proudly declare it as 0/10.

Edit: I gave the story a 0/10 earlier, but to be honest, I don't exactly think there is absolutely nothing good about this story. Therefore, I think I'll bump it up to at least a 1/10. The author did at least include photos and write something. It isn't exactly a story (although many would debate that), but he did write something down.

"Abandoned by Disney" Review (PotM)
Time for another in-depth review. This time, I'm taking a look at this acclaimed story, Abandoned by Disney. When I say acclaimed, I really mean it. Not only was this story written by the famous Slimebeast (who I gave quite a harsh critique of in my review for Lost Episodes), but it also won PotM, is in the "Suggested Reading", and appears to get praise and more 10/10s than nearly every other pasta I have seen. The few that are not positive give nearly no reasons why.

Is this story perfect? Is it worthy of all the acclaim it gets? Let's take a look.

This story, like most Slimebeast stories, has an interesting premise and idea, which is what actually went on at this abandoned place. Doing research, this place really is real, and it really adds to the credibility of the story.

While I complained about the sarcastic Slimebeast style in Lost Episodes, I have to admit that it usually works better here because I feel it is a bit toned down and usually doesn't occur in the climax. While I still am not a big fan of it here (sometimes it is a bit distracting in a negative way), it works a lot better than it did in Lost Episodes.

However, I must admit that I really don't know much about this main character at all. Clearly, the story isn't focused on that, but still, it is a bit harder to care about what is going to happen if you really don't care about the main character. Granted, he hasn't done anything really bad, besides from making snarky comments sometimes, but he hasn't done anything to earn my respect other than do a bunch of research and bring up the topic. So yeah, the main character is underdeveloped, which means this story has to live or die by how scary it is or how interesting it is.

The beginning of this story is done very well, I must admit. There are sarcastic comments, but they work, and there are still creepy elements, but nothing too heavy to overshadow the rest of the story. Therefore, the intro is intriguing, and I enjoyed this story quite a bit when he was discussing the facts about Mowgli's Palace.

The build-up when he is inside Mowgli's Palace is done pretty good. The atmosphere it was building up was genuinely disturbing, and then... well, we reach the climax.

I mean this as polite as possible when I say that this climax makes me facepalm every single time somebody mentions it.

If you thought this review was all going to be colorful and positive, you clearly haven't come to the right place. You see how this review has been short (compared to my other in-depth reviews) so far? That's because I wanted to save room for this section so I wouldn't make this review too long. So, without further ado, I'm going to proceed to analyze this dreadful ending (Do not ask me if it as bad as the one in Lost Episodes because I do not know).

When the main character walks into the room and sees all the costumes, he should have seen maybe a creepy message (Not the one at the end, trust me, I'll get to that one) and had to flee out. While not really too effective, it wouldn't have ruined the story for me.

Anyway, my first problem is a more minor one, but I still don't like it. This person keeps describing all these photos he took of these costumes and of the place, and then he only shows one of them. It takes away some of the credibility of the story and it really doesn't make much sense to put it in.

In my personal opinion, his camera should have died before he could take any photos, mainly because the one photo he shared of the incident isn't very scary (more on that later).

Moving on, the major problems kick in when the Mickey Mouse costume starts moving. For one, Mickey Mouse is not really scary, but it was a bit disturbing when he described the costumes and I imagined all these lifeless costumes just hanging there motionless. However, it starts getting up, and I began to get incredibly angry.

I read this story just so I could be greeted with a photo-negative version of Mickey Mouse? That is the best this story can do? Now, if you think that is scary, alright, your choice, but personally, I find it rather stupid. It is just a costume, and when it wasn't moving and I imagined it kind of slumped down, it was a bit chilling, but now it is just a regular costume. Even in the context of the story, I don't feel that works.

However, it gets so much worse after that. Nothing compares to when the story says this line:

"Hey," it said in a hushed, perverted, but perfectly executed Mickey Mouse voice, "Wanna see my head come off?"

I admit it, I laughed when I read that line before I proceeded to realize that the story was serious. This line is meant to be scary, but I'm sorry, this line is really funny. Just imagine Mickey Mouse saying this line, and don't tell me you don't at least snicker or get some sort of amusement from that. The thing is that it is in the Mickey Mouse voice, which really makes it so comedic and awful. As much as I dislike Suicidemouse.avi, they knew that they shouldn't have Mickey Mouse be happy or speak because they knew they could not make that scary.

This story, on the other hand, tries and fails. I mean, just look at that photo and see how happy Mickey is and try and tell me that the line he says is scary. Speaking of the photo, I'm going to address it now. It is a very poor one.

For one, there is no indication of anything else in the room, which the author specifically described there was various other costumes and other items. Secondly, the entire photo is in photo-negative, not just Mickey, which adds further suspicion to the photo even trying to be believable. However, the kicker is that the photo isn't scary because, as I mentioned, this Mickey Mouse is not scary.

Of course, if I was almost giving up on this story on those last sentences, I completely gave up when Slimebeast went ahead and took a visit down to "Cliche-Ville". The Mickey Mouse takes his head off and the author describes all this blood, and once again, I run into a problem.

The blood description doesn't work because Slimebeast stopped using the disturbing elements and switched to describing gore and blood, which really doesn't work even as close to as well as any of the earlier parts when the protagonist was exploring. Also, I'm very glad that Slimebeast took the time to tell us that the blood was yellow, because when I think of horrifying things, I think of yellow blood. What was he, some sort of weird giant insect?

Of course, just to top things off, Slimebeast includes a line that... just see for yourself, I'm almost done here:

ABANDONED BY GOD

Really, Slimebeast? You had to put that in your story? This line is incredibly cliche, but even if it wasn't cliche, it isn't scary. This line is just trying to affect people on a religious level or something, and religion, like other touchy subjects, is a very sensitive topic. You don't just throw difficult terms around, but you have to deal with them with respect.

Of course, Slimebeast just puts it here because he wants to shock people, and not to talk about it or deal with it in an actually careful manner. I can't think of any other reason why it would be here, but if it isn't shocking (especially as it is so cliche now), it is just a stupid and pointless line.

Therefore, after a quick line or two about Disney protecting the public from that horrific endin- I mean, creature, the story is over and I can finally wrap the review up.

Abandoned By Disney takes a great idea and a great beginning and middle to absolutely screw up the ending and fail to deliver on the most crucial part of the story. While this would be fine if the characters were good, there is only one character, and (as I mentioned), he practically has no development. In total, this story has interesting concepts and does a great job for a large majority of the story, but the ending makes it much too lackluster for me to give it anything higher than a mere 6/10. An above-average story.

"Radio Static" Review
I haven't been a big fan of your stories, Snake. Granted, I haven't read one of them, but of the ones I have read, I wasn't too impressed with them. Therefore, going into this story, I was hoping that this story would finally be the story that I actually enjoyed quite a bit.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

This plot isn't exactly my favorite. The main goal of this story appears to be to scare the reader, which would work much better if the story was scarier. Yes, the idea behind it is creepy, but it is a bit too plot-hole filled and vague. I know some things can be kept vague, but I'd like to know why the hell a man would be narrating this monster, how this man could see this monster wherever it went, and why our main protagonist says nothing to the police about anything that occurred.

You could argue that the police wouldn't believe his story, but if our protagonist was the only one to hear this broadcast (because nobody else listens to radios apparently), there could be signs of obvious evidence at a local radio station. Honestly, if he knows the truth, it makes perfect sense for him to tell absolutely nobody... except the internet. Yeah, great logic this character has, not telling the people who could help him the most and instead sharing it on a wiki.

Personally, I would have preferred if the way the signs that the monster was introduced into the story was more clever. For example, if there were little details about the house carefully put into the story early on so that the ending might just seem a bit smarter and actually cue the reader in on what was happening before having to directly state it.

Now, there are actually some weird errors in this story as well. For example, some parts of the broadcast are in italics and other parts are not. They appear to be placed at random and don't add anything, so they just make me confused as to why they were put there at all. ]

However, one of the bigger problems is tied into the fact that this story is meant to scare, and this was one of the problems with "Abandoned by Disney" as well. I don't care about this character, and I don't really know who he/she is.

All I know is that he/she has a job and is paranoid. That is about it. My personal belief when making a story is not to make it incredibly scary, but to actually have elements that make a good story in them, such as character development, then go and try to make scary/disturbing elements around the story. This way, if a story isn't scary, it is at least entertaining. Since this story isn't too scary, I really have nothing to come back to. With "Abandoned by Disney", although I hated the ending, I could at least read the beginning and be interested by the place.

Here, while there is the radio concept, it has a couple holes in it and doesn't have that kind of research or credibility behind it. However, this story doesn't really have grammar errors, the beginning and middle are decent and actually written pretty well (although nothing special), and while the ending is a letdown, it isn't insulting like "Abandoned by Disney" or "Lost Episodes". However, I have to go ahead and say that, while slightly over passable, it really isn't much more than that. 5.5/10.

"Miss Mosaic" Review
One second into this story, and there are already 2 grammar errors ("Have you ever heard of show, Miss Mosaic from Nickelodeon in 2002?", in which the second error is the lack of italics around Miss Mosaic.) I really wasn't looking forward to this one. I really thought that this might be a new low, like Cry Baby Lane (which I will not review because there is already a perfect review on that page).

Fortunately, this story was not a new low for me, but I still was not a big fan of it.

The grammar of this story (as evidenced by my intro) is not good. There are tense swaps, missing words, and a couple missing periods even. The fact that the first line had errors would probably draw off any random, literate person if they stumbled across this story.

Also, the author wants to make sure that the reader knows that this story is not about blood and gore and all that. No, seriously. He says it so many times that it started to really, really annoy me. Even the first time I didn't really like it, so repeating it didn't somehow make it any better.

However, I will give credit where credit is due. This story has some interesting ideas. The ideas behind this show and what went on are intriguing. Not like the whole "Mowgli's Palace" beginning in "Abandoned by Disney", but still, interesting.

While I was annoyed by the repetition of the author saying the pasta is not cliche, the pasta really isn't very cliche. It goes a psychological route, which is something that I think Lost Episodes should do. My problem is that I don't really think it works. While it is a thing that happens and it is a bit odd, I didn't think it was creepy enough or reached the full potential it could have reached. However, it was still a decent effort.

While there were those earlier grammar errors, I also think that the way it is written is kind of awkward in a weird way, not a creepy or uncomfortable way that it maybe could have been like. However, when the writing works, it really does work to the advantage of the advantage of the story, as some of the descriptions in this story are quite good.

I don't have much else to comment on without talking about spoilers, so I'm now going to address the ending. People who are for some reason reading this without reading the actual pasta, be warned.

The ending is confusing in a negative way. I don't understand what the bottle of pills is supposed to signify. Is the child now going to take them? Why would the child take them? I really don't know, and it left me with an overall dislike of this story.

Since this story has those interesting ideas and various positive sections, that certainly makes it different, but I don't really see it as anything very good at all. It is above average for a Lost Episode, but it is still a below average pasta. 4/10.

Check out Dorkpool's riff of this story. The jokes he makes are all fantastic and he offers some very good points in his final opinion at the end of the riff.

"The Black Friday Incident" Review
If you have read any of my reviews, then you would know that I really despise "Lost Episode" pastas. "Squidward's Suicide", "Lost Episodes" by Slimebeast (even though that kind of doesn't count), and pretty much every other one except "Candle Cove". They do provide good material to review when they try something new or are just completely insane (I'll be getting to you soon, "Satan on The Muppet Show"), but they usually are pretty bad.

Therefore, it gives me great pleasure to report that I actually found this story to be a good "Lost Episode" pasta. While not perfect by any means, it certainly takes a new direction and, in my opinion, it pays off.

The first strength of this story is the research behind it. This story is not just a completely made up event, but it is actually based on a real event during the making of Toy Story. The comments that Disney says in response to the works of Pixar in this story are actually close to comments that Disney really said about the film, and the event in which Toy Story and production shutdowns began to occur was known as, "Black Friday".

I love when a pasta puts actual time and research into what they write about, as it ups the credibility much more and can add to the intrigue of the story (like the beginning of "Abandoned by Disney" did). I suggest that you look up "Toy Story Black Friday", as the event itself is rather interesting and this story matches up with it (except for the parts at the end, but I'll address that later).

However, the second strength, and possibly the strength that really sets it apart from all those other Lost Episode pastas, is the psychological look. This story isn't just about a creepy episode, but it actually delves into the mind of Ralph, a man who is going insane due to fear, stress, and other factors that Disney had been causing during development.

Psychological horror is rarely seen in Lost Episode pastas (and even then it is rarely used correctly), but this pasta actually gets it right. Insanity is a concept done many times, but it can be very effective when done right, and this pasta does it quite well.

However, this story could become awful if it wasn't written relatively well. Fortunately, the writing in this pasta is very good. The repetition of the word "edge" and that line the Disney executives kept saying helps to establish this sort of pattern that keeps going and building up until Ralph enters his insanity. It is beautifully executed.

Unfortunately, not everything in this story is amazing. The story does have to get to the Lost Episode section, which actually is not too riddled with cliches. Yes, it does have that bit at the end that I dislike, but it doesn't use hyper-realistic or 666, and it is still written decently, so it isn't god-awful. Also, the addition of the monster Woody (what else am I supposed to call him?) writing "edge" on the screen did a good job representing how far this man was pushed by what occurred and how he wanted to hammer in that final word for all the Disney executives to see. However, the beginning of the reel is a little bit boring, although it does start to pick up later.

In addition, that weird sentence about people seeing visions of Buzz and Woody chanting, "Edge." was a bit much.

The character development of Ralph is done well. He starts as a hard worker, but just gets driven more and more to the brink of madness. It happens in a short period of time, but it still leaves an impact.

I'm very glad that somebody was able to find potential in this dreadful genre, and you asked me, this is a very good example of how to make a Lost Episode pasta correctly. 8.5/10.

Check out Dorkpool's riff of this story. It is a very entertaining riff with a lot of good jokes.

"The Jungle Book VHS Cover" (Deleted) Review
I'd normally begin this with a few sentences about the history of this pasta or Lost Episodes, but this pasta has left me at a loss for words.

This is possibly one of the most pretentious and most insulting pieces of crap I have ever read. This is worse than Sonic.exe/Round 2 and Cry Baby Lane, and that is not an exaggeration.

This story... it somehow does every single thing wrong. Every. Single. Thing.

Firstly, the grammar. The grammar isn't awful, but there are quite a few errors, and most of them are painfully obvious to notice.

Following that, the writing itself is possibly some of the worst I have ever seen. This is a story about the Jungle Book, yet the writer elevates it to something so incredibly pretentious that it actually caused me physical pain to read it. Not even some of the worst stories I have read have done that. Just look at some of these lines:

"In my field of vision, God creates life."

"A force of greed, gluttony and corruption unleashes an evil, unbreakable force of perverted desire onto each angel and the singular mortal not yet corrupt in this universe."

"He lives every day and night, starving, with no assistance from his father in order to defeat the never ending perception of Satanic identity."

This is a story about the Jungle Book VHS apparently. Then why the hell would a person write the story in such an awful tone and style for something like this? Not only does this pretentious style not gel with this topic, but it probably wouldn't gel with any topic at all.

Of course, if the plot was good, maybe it would at least be okay. But, of course, not only do I think the beginning of the story is a pretentious piece of crap, but the actual "creepy" part is a very cliche gorefest. Not only that, but it is still written so awkward and painfully, yet it still manages to be really boring.

As a matter of fact, this entire story isn't even entertaining by how bad it is. The writing style is just cringe-worthy rather than funny, and the plot just isn't hilarious at all.

However, the ending is what kills this story. Not only do I think the ending is just another pretentious waste, but I have no idea what it is even trying to convey. If it was just a dream, that was just an awful and cliche addition. Lines like "He's crying pretty hard. You should know what this means, Rachel." don't help at all.

Since the plot is awful and the story is not scary in any way, it gets no points in that regard either. In total, this is the worst story I have reviewed (worse than the lack of a story in "I Found a Digital Camera in the Woods"), and hopefully the worst I will ever read in my life. I'd give it the worst grade I can give, but this person did write something down, so I can't give it a 0. Therefore, 0.5/10.

Check out the riff done by Dorkpool if you really want to read this pasta. His comments should keep your sanity intact.

"Autopilot" Review
I agreed to review a pasta I actually enjoyed quite a bit, so here I am reviewing this little gem of a story known as "Autopilot".

The plot revolves around routine and a mistake in the routine. I know it sounds rather simple, but this pasta is rather hard to describe because of the odd content and the fact that I don't want to spoil things in this review (yet).

I give immense credit to the author of this story for how clever and original this story is. The thoughts shared and the concept is very interesting, but certainly plausible. As a matter of fact, I'm sure everyone of us has forgotten something in one of our daily routines and not even realized it until quite a while later. This greatly adds to the credibility of the story, which is always a positive thing.

The way this story portrays their main character is one of the best possible ways to do so. A character should not have to directly say everything or have random references to things they do. The best way to introduce a character and their traits is to have them woven in with the main plot in order to not come off as awkward or random. This story gives plenty of information on our character and his thought process that makes it very easy to sympathize with him and the events that eventually transpire.

The early paragraphs provide a good starting point for the story by introducing a rather primitive concept before delving into the details. Also, there are plenty of short sentences to help the story flow and break up some of the longer ones.

The grammar and spelling seems to be perfect. I haven't noticed a single flaw in the many times I have read this story, which (unfortunately) is not a compliment I am able to give often on some of these stories.

I can't say too much more without spoiling anything, so I'm now going to start addressing the ending. People who (for some reason) are skipping to the comments rather than reading the story, this spoiler warning is for you.

Where do I start on this magnificent ending? The ending of this pasta is possibly one of the most perfect endings to a Creepypasta ever.

For one, it had foreshadowing. The author mentions (in a rather clever way, may I add) that the sun was blinding Emily from sleeping on the way to the nursery.

Then, if you notice, the protagonist never actually does drop her off. He says Emily shifts over to the other side, and then he says that he arrived at work. This completely slipped my mind when I read it the first time, so when I read it again, I realized exactly how genius and well-constructed this foreshadowing actually was.

Secondly, the actual twist itself is great. It makes sense and it is very disturbing to think that this small girl baked and died in this car just due to a mistake. This way, it can drive the guilt of the protagonist and not have to turn him or a random character into a murderer to absolve him of some guilt. The results are his fault (and maybe his daughter’s fault, but hey, she is the dead one, so it automatically moves to the next most guilty party).

However, I think that element that drives this home the most is how it is written. My god, the repetition here and the way these events play out is just brilliant. The story uses phrases we already have used (“My phone was on the counter.”) and splices it up with his though processes, showing how nervous this main character is getting as he finds out the tragedy of what he caused. Of course, the kicker is the last line, which perfectly sums nearly everything up in the story and delivers a small chill every single time I read it. That line and the rest of the ending was the first time that a Creepypasta really delivered back when I read this pasta quite a while back.

Is there minor problems? Probably, but I can’t really find any. Some people might not appreciate the analytic look during the majority of the story or all the details of the process this guy goes through during his routine, but to me, the author adds the perfect amount of every little element to make this Creepypasta one of my personal favorite stories on this wiki. 10/10.

Creepypasta Rifftique (With Dorkpool): "Jeff Is Back"
AGrim: This story is quite an interesting mess. There are an incredible amount of problems in the following story that can not simply be sufficed in a review. Therefore, with user and riffer Dorkpool, I'm going to take a look at "Jeff Is Back". Enjoy.

AGrim: Poor “Jeff The Killer”. Don’t get me wrong, I hate that story as much as the next guy, but I have to kind of pity how much it blew up on the internet. With every story that gets popular, there is usually some kind of spin-off or fan-fiction involved, and “Jeff The Killer” has a ridiculous amount.

Dorkpool: And most all of them suck.

AGrim: Exactly. However, only a couple of these were stories that stayed on this Wiki before all JtK pastas were moved to the JtK Wiki. One of these was “Jeff Is Back”, which is a bit of a sequel to the original story. Whether it is official or not, I have no idea.

AGrim: What I do know for sure is that this story has so many questionable moments and laughably bad sections that a Riff would suit this story perfectly.

Dorkpool: Which is pretty much why I’m here.

AGrim: Without further ado, let us begin.

Dorkpool: Or, to put it another way, let’s watch some stupid videos and Riff this bitch!

The following story was written by

Dorkpool: (Narrator): …someone who really shouldn’t write.

a detective whom, after analyzing video evidence, witness accounts, and the video claimed to have been watched, developed a story. This is that story.

Dorkpool: It’s going to suck, isn’t it?

AGrim: Yep.

It was late at night on a typical Tuesday evening. I was surfing the internet as I had two large coffees from my local coffee shop earlier that day and was unable to sleep. After watching pointless YouTube video after YouTube video,

Dorkpool: (Narrator): …most of them involving cats.

I came across a strange title in the related videos bar. None of the characters were of the English language;

Dorkpool: (Narrator): They were all Klingon.

however, the shapes of the characters seemed to resemble words, although I couldn't quite decipher them. Curious, I clicked on the video.

I suddenly began to hear various creaks and groans coming from my house. I whirled around and grabbed a nearby baseball bat, ready for a fatal battle.

''AGrim: Does this happen every time he hears a noise? Imagine what this guy does when his alarm goes off in the morning.''

To my surprise, there were no intruders in the house, nor any signs of a forced entry. All the doors were also locked.

Dorkpool: Slender Man, stop trolling people.

Figuring I was just going crazy, I shrugged my shoulders and lazily walked back to my room. I had spent a lot of money on a high bandwidth connection, so I was perplexed that the video I had clicked on had not loaded yet. I impatiently clicked the video four more times in an attempt to bring it up. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, the page finally loaded. The background was black and it completely hid all of the text, except for the username of the uploader and the description, both in crimson red. The username of the uploader was "NightmareSLUMBER"

Dorkpool: Subtle.

AGrim: Very.

and the description read as such:

How ignorant of you.

You are unaware of my demonic presence in your life.

I will destroy everything you stand for.

Worthless coward.

I am always watching you.

And soon you will come to live with me...

Forever...

Dorkpool: Does where ever you are have wi-fi?

Figuring this was simply the idiocy of a twelve year old, I did not heed the danger I was in. The video began with a picture of an abandoned mental asylum (Later found out to be Denbigh asylum). The picture was a long, dark, and tattered corridor extending past the viewer's visual field. The left wall of the corridor had windows separated by columns. The corridor was bathed in an eerie moonlight, only broken by the shadows of the columns. The darkness of the corridor was a pure black, the likes of which I had never seen. I got the vibe that the asylum was hastily abandoned and never cleaned up.

''AGrim: Well, duh. You already said it was abandoned.''

For the first minute of the video, it was simply a still frame of the corridor. There was no sound nor movement.

Dorkpool: (Narrator): It was boring and I decided to stop watching it.

At approximately 1:13 of the video, I noticed a slow but definite movement at the very end of the corridor. The had

''Dorkpool: The what? Explain, story!''

AGrim: Would it kill this detective to proof-read?

Dorkpool: Well, considering what happens to him, yeah.

a human stance but walked very unusually, most noticeably with it's head pointed straight at the ground. The creature accelerated steadily as the video progressed, eventually breaking into a full run. The creature ran head first into the camera, knocking it over.

Dorkpool: (Narrator): And hurting itself.

Simultaneously, I heard a very loud bang at the door. There was only one, and it sounded like someone had just run into the door.

''AGrim: (Creature): “Ow, my head! Why did I think that would be a good idea?”''

I jumped up and grabbed the bat again, when I heard my computer make an error sound. The computer then bluescreened

''Dorkpool: By the Preservers’ pants, the blue screen of death! I didn’t realize that this story would be scary!''

at that point, saying it shut down for safety reasons. The screen then proceeded to make note of the fact that an unknown hacker had been obtaining information about my whereabouts. My antivirus program ran a trace of the hacker's IP address, and came back with a city in Northern Wales; specifically, the hack had been made from an abandoned mental asylum.

Then the power went out. At this point, I became extremely intimidated. My eyes welled up with water

Dorkpool: (Narrator): …but I totally wasn’t crying.

as my breathing accelerated. I began to hear someone groaning in pain outside the door.

AGrim: Yeah, that whole “Let’s run into the door!” thing really wasn’t a good idea.

Dorkpool: Maybe it seemed like one at the time.

I knew it was a mistake to go look, but I decided to anyway.

Dorkpool: (Narrator): …because I am a moron.

When I glanced through the peephole, there was nobody outside the door. I could still hear the groaning though. No way in hell was I opening that door.

I flew into a panic attack and immediately attempted to contact police; however, I simply got a busy tone on both the landline and my cell phone. I ran back up to my computer to see if I could hook it up to a generator to ask for help that way, when I noticed that the computer screen was still on. In giant red text upon a black screen, it read, "GO TO SLEEP".

Dorkpool: Once again, subtle.

AGrim: The main character is such an idiot, I bet he actually is going to go ahead and try to sleep.

A piercing scream then rang out. It sounded like someone was dying. I raced to the kitchen and drew two knives out of a drawer.

''AGrim: You said that you weren’t going to open the door earlier. Did you just teleport down there?''

This was real. This was actually happening.

Dorkpool: No it wasn’t.

The screams got louder and more desperate. Under the screams, I began to hear a faint but distinct hysterical laughter.

I ran about the house trying to figure out what was going on. I then heard a sobbing coming from a closet near my computer room. My skin ran cold as I grasped the doorknob. It was cold to the touch. I should have said something before opening the door, but I didn't have the common sense to do so. I whipped the door open to see a young girl, dead and bloody, crumpled in a heap in my closet.

''Dorkpool: She died before she could come out of the closet. Shame. We would’ve accepted her the way she is.''

Her stomach had been ripped open and her entrails pulled out. She was entirely naked and coated completely in blood. The wall suddenly was illuminated with a red light. I noticed that something was written in blood on the wall.

''Dorkpool: “Your time is up”? Wait, no, wrong Jeff-related story.''

"You should have heeded the warning. Time to go to sleep."

I whirled around and saw the figure in the video, head down and everything. I froze in fear. With one sudden movement, almost as if I was watching a video that had skipped a few frames, the figure twisted it's head and looked at me. Then everything went black.

AGrim: (Detective): “This sucks, but I don’t really want to rewrite it, so I guess this will do.”

Dorkpool: Probably the thinking behind most of the stories I Riff.

Detective's note:

The victim's body was found in a similar state to that of the young girl in the closet. Despite numerous blood tests, we could not identify the girl. In fact, due to the lack of a missing person's report, the fact that no one came forward to claim her remains or to try to solve the case of the murder, and because no blood test matched anyone we tested, it seemed like the girl never really existed.

Dorkpool: -hums the Twilight Zone theme-

We have confirmed that the hacking came from the abandoned mental hospital; however, there is no explanation as to how this was timed so close together. We have issued an arrest warrant but no officer wants to enter the ruins in fear of his or her life.

''Dorkpool: Yes, because the police are pussies. Of course.''

AGrim: (Detective): All of them were immediately fired.

The only break we got was a witness sighting of an extremely unusual and frightening creature running into the hospital a few days later. From the witness' testimony, we noticed a shocking similarity between the face of the deranged mental hospital inhabitant and the following image, taken from a site filled with horror stories,

Dorkpool: I don’t think the Creepypasta Land Wiki or the Jeff the Killer Wiki are filled with horror stories.

AGrim: Yeah, because stories like “Le rose vs. the Epic Jeff the Killer” are clearly absolutely terrifying.

Dorkpool: Well, from a grammatical standpoint they are.

with the words "GO TO SLEEP" captioned above it.

Numerous murders like this have occurred since, and every single one of the victims has been noted to watch the video a few minutes before the homicide is committed. YouTube officials have tried to remove the video; however, every moderator that tries ends up getting brutally murdered. The case is still unsolved.

Detective's note 2:

After further researching the case, a few discoveries have been made.

Dorkpool: (Detective): First, I’m pregnant.

First, while I have been unable to find the source of the video, last minute accounts of the killer's victims have provided enough descriptive evidence to point to the image used as the background for the video.

Although this is a JPEG image and thus by nature is a still image, rumor has it that, if you stare into the picture long enough, the image begins to twist and contort. Continue staring, and you can see a creature beginning to run towards the camera.

Dorkpool: (Detective): If you still keep staring, then clearly you must be bored if you’re staring at a picture for that long.

AGrim: (Detective): I forgot to mention that everybody who had this result was on drugs.

No one has watched the image long enough to see the creature come close, but enough visual evidence is there to assume that it is the same person seen in the video. The image can be found below. View at your own risk, for your life may be at stake.

Dorkpool: I’d call bullshit, but he told me to leave him alone.

In addition, I have been searching for more information regarding the killer. To my horror, I have found a set of stories online regarding one "Jeff the Killer".

''Dorkpool: (Detective): I should never have read it. It’s so bad that it hurts.''

The stories dictate a serial killer who develops his psychopathic tendencies at the onset of his teenage years, eventually killing everybody in his immediate family.

The most shocking aspect of the story is that Jeff killed his victims in the same brutal way as seen with the Denbigh asylum killer, even going to the extent of both killers communicating "GO TO SLEEP" before murdering their victims.

''Dorkpool: Far as I know, Jeff doesn’t strip his victims. Just saying.''

AGrim: He is a teenager, so maybe he… yeah, let’s move on.

The most frightening aspect, however, is that the image provided for Jeff the Killer is the exact same as the image provided by witnesses for the Denbigh Asylum killer, leading investigators to believe that they are in fact the same person. For further reading, simply search "Jeff the Killer" online and read at your own risk.

Dorkpool: Risks include: anger, depression, regret, and destruction of whatever device you’re reading the story on.

The most terrifying fact of all, though, lies in my personal experience. After writing this report,

AGrim: (Detective): …that I’m currently writing.

I heard strange sounds throughout my home. Figuring it was nothing, I continued doing research on Jeff. The banging noises got louder and louder. I searched outside, thinking maybe a bird was injured. As I stepped to my door, however, I noticed movement in the window. I immediately attempted to phone police, but got a busy signal. Concerned, I put the phone down and looked toward the door, only to see Jeff staring directly at me with those cold, dead eyes and that horrific, disfigured face. His smile was the most eerie thing I have ever seen. I immediately pulled out my gun and began shooting. Jeff took off into the night.

I know I am in danger, so

Dorkpool: (Detective): …I’m going to keep writing this instead of trying to do something else.

AGrim: (Detective): Yeah, like actually doing work.

I have set up constant surveillance around my home to protect myself. I still see bright flashes of light and hear banging noises around my home, along with the rare but still horrifying laughter of which only a true psychotic serial killer can provide.

Dorkpool: Or a clown.

AGrim: Laughing Jack is technically both, so that is my guess.

I don't know how much longer it will be until we catch him, but, if he keeps making these mistakes, then we'll have a solid identity and an air-tight case. I feel we are on the brink of taking him in, for I keep hearing laughter and banging sounds that are escalating in volume, and I also am seeing an odd orb of light in the distance. I have radioed fellow police to the scene, but the radio has gone dead. The light is getting closer, and I have my gun ready. It's him. I can see his face.

Dorkpool: (Detective): Holy crap, it’s ugly.

AGrim: It is lovely to know that you are holding your gun and still writing this.

Dorkpool: (Detective): I’m just that talented.

Time tot mntoujiujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujujyhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj/

Dorkpool: That’s still better spelling and grammar than what was in “White the Killer.”

Hello everyone. My name is Jeff. I don't like that this story is being published, but oh well.

It's not like any of you could catch a demon of my caliber.

Dorkpool: Oh, shut up, you’re some whiny teenager, not a demon.

The detective is now dead. The journal is over. And it's quite hilarious, because, in viewing this document, I have logged every single one of your IP addresses and know exactly where you are. For example: One of you works at a Cousin's on Drexel boulevard, one of you lives in Burbank, one of you lives on East avenue, one of you goes to University and has a roommate named Becky, one of you is going to Iowa, one of you goes to is quite the whiz at the piano...

Dorkpool: What the hell was that last part?

AGrim: If this is how Jeff writes and talks, I think the quality of his stories is starting to make a lot more sense.

The list goes on and on.

I know where you work. I know your friends. Your family. Your loved ones. I know everything.

Dorkpool: (Jeff): I AM YOUR GOD NOW!

Soon, all of that will be taken from you. Upon reading this message from me, you should start hearing odd noises and feel a sense of fear and dysphoria wash over you. You will become anxious and frantic for no logical reason.

Dorkpool: (Jeff): Even if you’re a Vulcan.

''AGrim: “No logical reason”? You just told us that you hacked all of our computers and are going to come and kill us. Is that not reason enough?''

Dorkpool: But is it a logical reason?

The banging isn't the building you reside in. It's something else. Something quite sinister.

Dorkpool: The Sinister Six?

AGrim: Apparently Jeff found a way to clone himself and teleport anywhere on Earth.

Something that wants your blood. If I don't get you, I will get those you love and care about. You, the one shivering in your chair and has a girlfriend named Jessica with whom you live with... She's mine.

Dorkpool: Well, I’m safe.

You aren't safe. Heh. Hahahaha. AHAHAHAHHH!!!!

I think it's time for you to go to sleep. :)

''Dorkpool: Yes, a smiley face. How scary.''

AGrim: I just like the fact that he took the time to type out his laughter.

Dorkpool: It’s rather adorable.

I'll be in shortly.

Sincerely,

Jeffrey the Killer.

P.S. Whomever is the one that's a junior at Kettle Moraine... You're cute. I'll take my time with you.

''AGrim: (Jeff): P.S.S. It just occurred to me that since I’m not typing this in real time, I don’t actually have to publish this at all. Huh.''

Dorkpool: (Jeff): I guess I’m a moron like that.

END RIFF

AGrim: Do I even have to explain why this story does not work?

Dorkpool: Probably not, but you should.

AGrim: Alright then. There are an incredible amount of plot holes and things that just make absolutely no sense. It already made no sense when the detective was describing how he thought the events played out, but once the story stopped, the holes just kept getting bigger.

Dorkpool: Also, here’s a question: Isn’t Jeff the Killer a kid? Why is he now able to find IP addresses and such? And what’s with the mental institution thing? And why is he basically able to teleport now?

AGrim: I guess it really doesn’t say how many years it has been since the original story, but that doesn’t mean that he can just teleport around.

Dorkpool: Well, he could, but it would require some explanation. A lot of explanation.

AGrim: The grammar had some errors, but I have seen much worse. I should also add that due to these plot holes and various other errors, the story just isn’t scary.

Dorkpool: It’s a story about Jeff the Killer. Of course it isn’t scary.

AGrim: True point. The mistakes distract from any tension the story tries to build. Would it have been good if the story had actually been scary? No idea.

AGrim: Since the story isn’t scary, it would need to have either very good writing or great characters to really make it pull through. This story doesn’t have either of those. I don’t care about the character in the beginning of the story, and the detective didn’t really do anything besides write about all the stupid decisions he has been making.

Dorkpool: The characters are really only there to push the plot (what little there is) forward. They aren’t really developed, and we don’t really know anything about them.

AGrim: Therefore, since we don’t know anything about them, we don’t care at all. On the other hand, I do give a little bit of credit for the story having a couple of interesting ideas (Jeff tracking the IP address of everyone who reads the story, while the story completely screws it up, is a weird idea they could have worked elsewhere). Also, this story isn’t ridiculously long, so that might be a positive (I guess).

Dorkpool: Trust me, it is a positive.

AGrim: In short, this sequel represents the original pretty well by being just another a terrible reading experience from the fans of Jeff. 2/10.

Here is Dorkpool's version if you were curious.

"Before the Flash" Review
This is an odd one, and certainly deserving of the category "Weird". Perhaps I should give a quick overview before I talk about this one.

This pasta follows a main character named Jenny, who lives with her aunt, a fortune teller. However, once her aunt starting receiving strange visions, things got weird.

This premise is interesting, and I haven't exactly seen it told in this manner before. I give the author credit for the concept of the story.

Unfortunately, not everything is good news. I didn't even know the main character was a girl until half-way through when they established her name as Jenny. While an author doesn't have to put a lot of detail into their main character if the story doesn't revolve around them too much/isn't that long, I should at least be able to figure out their gender before I get halfway through it.

Granted, the aunt does have quite a bit of odd characteristics and various other personality traits portrayed by the way she acts throughout the story. The way it is done is fascinating and gives off way more character than our main character ever shows.

Moving on, this story was actually kind of boring at parts. The beginning was meant to build up to the suspense later on, but I felt that the sections were a bit too slow and a bit too boring.

To the credit of the story, it is a bit unsettling. It isn't terrifying by any means or really that disturbing, but it was unsettling imagining how the fate of the world would now be if the Fortune Telling done was actually correct.

The death of the aunt was something I kind of expected. I was kind of hoping that the story might portray the struggle this person has to come to terms with the end of the world a bit more (and then deliver the ending), but it works alright here.

What doesn't really work is that last paragraph/part of the ending. I both like and dislike this ending. While I like how vague "The Flash" is kept, I hate how random and vague the death really is.

So, the aunt writes down this message (3 times, as a matter of fact) in blood. Alright, a bit cliche, but okay. What about the aunt herself? Is the story just going to ignore the condition of the aunt other than the fact that she is dead? Was there any sign of a murder weapon? A single scratch? I know this might seem like a bit of a nitpick, but I really think the nature of the death should have been explained slightly better to either open up new possibilities or point in a more interesting direction.

The way the main character kind of just brushes aside this end of the world and thinks about it at the end, while I like how the main character did it, I thought the ending lines just kind of brushed it aside a little bit and gave us information, while nice to have in the story, probably shouldn't have been the final lines.

Before I finish this up, I would like to say that the writing style works well for the most part. It has a couple odd moments there and then (which may just be because of my problems with the plot), but I personally believe that it is very good.

In conclusion, for every good thing this story had, there was a mediocre/negative thing to counter it. While that normally equates to about a 5/10, I think this story is just ever so slightly above that. 5.5/10.

"My Grandfather Suffered from Dementia" Review (PotM Nomination- May 2015)
I really wish I had gotten to this pasta sooner.

I read "I'm Worried About my Son" (which I loved), but after that, I didn't bother going back and reading any of your other works. However, after reading this, I regret not doing so.

This pasta is a brilliant masterpiece that does everything I want a good Creepypasta to do.

Firstly, I'll address the characters. The grandpa is a very unique character, but his true personality and his traits really shine in the way he talks and the way the main character describes how the grandpa used to be. The main character, however, is revealed in the way he talks about the people around him and the events that occur. He addresses everything differently with bits and pieces of his own personal experiences indicated in each line, signifying him as a much deeper character than in most of the other stories I have read.

While the father is not as detailed as those two characters, he still clearly cares about the grandfather and shows this in his various lines of dialogue and his constant visits throughout the story. The way he is written kind of makes it easier for the reader to identify with what the father might possibly be going through as opposed to just the main character, which portrays the story in a different and unique light.

If you haven't guessed by now, the writing in this story is very well done. It takes serious talent to be able to include all these personalities and characters effectively, and this story not only does it, but does it excellently. There are multiple lines of this story that really stuck with me and implied some intriguing ideas. Here, I'll give an example.

"So my mind had conjured up a Charlie Rosen. But there was no Charlie Rosen."

While this line is rather simple, it shows many things about the struggle of the main character. This line appears to show not that this character doesn't completely disbelieve in Charlie Rosen, but that this character simply doesn't want to believe that this man could exist and cause his grandfather all this trouble and torture. They were only two sentences, but they gave a lot of insight into the struggles of the main character.

In addition to all those wonderful traits, this story is also pretty terrifying. I haven't had a family member with Dementia, but the portrayal of it here makes it very unsettling. The plot just carries these disturbing ideas with it and completely runs with them, and it works extraordinarily well.

The spelling and grammar is spot-on, and I have yet to notice a single mistake.

Before I wrap this up, I have to address this magnificent ending. The end of this pasta has firstly this amazing yet very simply twist. It was such a great and easy twist to do, but it made so much sense and I didn't actually predict it would play out the way it did.

Then comes that last line, which just adds some much more mystery, intrigue, and extra creepiness that I absolutely love it. In my opinion, it was one of the best ways to end a story, up there with "Autopilot".

While somebody did claim that it doesn't make too much sense that the grave digger would be smiling and nobody noticed, I personally disagree, as I would assume that the grave digger would probably not be facing towards/flaunting his happiness and that not many people were even paying much attention to him in the first place.

Therefore, with all that said, this is officially one of my new favorite pastas, and I recently just nominated it for Pasta of the Month. Lovely work, WriterJosh. I can't wait to see more. 10/10.

"Herobrine" Review
''This review is a follow-up to a comment somebody posted. Here is that comment.''

"To all saying 'It no scary, plz delete...' Please stop. This is a masterpiece of history that may not reach the current standards of writing. But who really should care? Herobrine caused a huge development in Minecraft pastas and Creepypasta itself. When someone says 'Minecraft pasta' you of course jump to Herobrine. This pasta is an original, with good grammar. Jeff's pasta didn't. You shouldn't compare this to this to any pasta. Let's face it, 303 and (null) aren't that great, no, but as I stated before, this is a masterpiece. And yes, there is always going to be fanbase and shippings, but del wit it. All Creepypasta have one. Herobrine is an icon of Creepypasta. Period."

Now on with the review.

You comment that this story is a masterpiece because:

-It influenced all other Minecraft pastas and Creepypastas

-It is original and has good grammar

-It is popular (among Minecraft pastas)

I disagree. Quite a bit.

Firstly, I would like to point out that pretty much every Minecraft pasta this story influenced were rather poor. They are all pretty cliche. As for the Creepypastas it influenced, those are mainly video game pastas, which are infamous for being cliche and not very good.

Secondly, yes this story is an original, and yes it has good grammar, but the originals are not always good (Squidward's Suicide and Jeff The Killer). Also, a Creepypasta should have good grammar in the first place, and it isn't something to praise a story on. Congratulating a story on good grammar is like if you got an award every time you wash your hands.

Lastly, being popular or well known does not make it good. Jeff The Killer, Squidward's Suicide, Lost Episodes (by Slimebeast), Suicidemouse.avi, 1999, The Amazing World of Gumball: The Grieving, Laughing Jack, Eyeless Jack, Pokemon Lost Silver, Pokemon Black, and the list goes on.

Now, this story is not the worst thing I have read. This was an original idea back in the day, and while it is no longer as original, it still is not a bad premise. However, as with any story, it is plagued by cliches. The page being blocked with a "404" error, the fact that the character always feels like he is being watched but he never actually sees anything, and more.

However, this story really doesn't work as an actual story either. This story doesn't actually have an ending. It kind of just stops with the actually kind of interesting part and just finishes.

Also, it never bothers explaining things that kind of need to be explained. I know that Herobrine himself isn't supposed to be explained. It is a Creepypasta, and the vagueness adds to the story and mystery. However, it never bothers explaining how they figured out that this character was Notch's brother, never bother explaining possible theories or anything possibly interesting, and after they find out that it actually was Notch's brother and Notch himself confirms it, the ending happens.

I could complain about it not really being scary, but honestly, Creepypasta no longer have to be scary. All they have to do is be interesting and have creepy elements or supernatural elements. Therefore, I won't bother talking about if it is scary or not because it doesn't matter. What matters is, "Is this a good story?" Unfortunately, it really isn't. 3/10.

Check out Dorkpool's riff if you want to make this pasta more entertaining to read.

"The Gambler" Review
A bit of a shame this story isn't that popular. Perhaps a review might help the popularity of it grow.

I have no idea who wrote this and any other story they have wrote, but they really should write much more. This is quite an interesting story and has a lovely little twist ending.

Since this story is a short one and I don't plan to spoil too much of it, this review is most certainly going to be rather short.

Firstly, the grammar/spelling is most likely flawless. I didn't notice any mistakes, and while the possibility that there is still one lurking in there could be possible, it wasn't large enough for me to recognize it.

Since this is a short pasta, I don't really need to know too much about the characters if the twist is good enough, but this story establishes the grandfather pretty decently. The reader isn't overwelmed with a huge amount of information, but there is still enough for the reader to know the basics of this character, particularly in the first paragraph.

The next thing I'd like to address is the build-up for this final twist, which is done quite well. I didn't predict it at all, which makes it much more powerful. On multiple readings, I also noticed that there are tiny lines and sentences that relate to this final twist, solidifying the build-up to the twist. Therefore, the twist itself certainly delivers.

The writing is excellent, and it builds an interesting atmosphere. The peculiar thing is that the atmosphere seemed unsettling when there really wasn't much to point to an unsettling direction. In other words, the whole atmosphere just seemed a bit off, but in a good way.

In conclusion, this is a short pasta most certainly worth your time, and it really shouldn't take you much longer to read than this review did. While I don't feel the final twist is too terrifying, I have to admire almost every other thing about the story. 9.5/10.

"Sid's Video" Review
This review has been one that I've been dreading for a long time.

I knew that I had to address this at some point. After all, I got the start to my more in-depth reviews with the first installment. However, I absolutely bashed that first installment. Lost Episodes was a pasta that I disliked quite a bit back then, and I still dislike it now.

So, I went ahead and reviewed it, pointing out every part of it that I thought was wrong (or right) before moving on to other reviews. It wasn't until about a week later when I noticed this sequel existed.

I have to admit that while I was quite baffled, I kind of expected it. Lost Episodes is one of the more popular Slimebeast stories on this wiki (although not nearly as popular as Abandoned by Disney), but still, the fact that I was going to get another dreadful story was one that I didn't want to relive.

However, after time passed and I came to be more accustomed to the work of Slimebeast, I went ahead and gave this story a shot.

I've been stalling much too long, and I don't feel I can do so much longer. Therefore, I'll get to the review.

Did you like Lost Episodes? Did you like the sarcastic tone that didn't fit horror very well in it? Did you like the absolute nonsense and stupidity that was demonstrated in the ending? If so, then I'm sure you'll get along with this story just fine. If not, then you know exactly why I don't like this story.

This is literally the original story except I think it makes even less sense at times. The sarcasm is in full swing at the beginning, and while it does suit the beginning of this story much better than it did in the first one, it is the use of it later on that annoys me more than anything.

The lack of sense to this story actually begins with this whole beginning. What happened to the girl? How would she even know Sid? How did somebody even get this file if it was in that abandoned house in the previous story? A story is allowed to keep things vague and mysterious, but these are legit questions that are kind of crucial to my understanding of this story.

Since I have mentioned this girl, let me go ahead and talk about these characters. The fact that I know more about this girl based on her actions as opposed to the main character is not a good thing. The girl is most likely young, had an ex-boyfriend who she doesn't forgive or didn't want to break up with, is annoyed at the fact that she is at this yard sale, and has red hair.

Our main character? He is sarcastic and owns a lot of movies. I literally got nothing else from him. I always stress the point that you don't need defining characters if the story is short enough and scary enough, but this story isn't too short and certainly isn't scary. If I can detect more out of a side-character than I can the main character, then somebody didn't write their characters the right way.

The logic in this story just keeps getting weirder from there on. For example, the weird, twisted endings happen before the main character puts "Sid's Video" inside the VHS. Shouldn't weird stuff start happening after the VHS is put in there so that it would at least kind of make sense that these VHS tapes are somehow being altered? I know that this story is trying to pass off supernatural factors with this VHS, but I see no reason why it would randomly affect every single VHS tape this main character owns if it never comes in contact with the player used to play the tapes. In theory, the VHS tape should have some sort of contact with these other tapes to make them change, but that doesn't happen.

Now I'd like to get into the supposed content of the story and the fact that this plot is very, very confused. I'm not sure Slimebeast really knew where he wanted this to go. A lot of this story is just this guy describing his previous VHS tapes and the various changes that happened, with no real sense of direction. It felt as though Slimebeast was taking me on a tour, with each section being a random and different thing instead of being one connected plot.

Therefore, that brings me the Lost Episode stuff, which has increased since the previous story. Now, a large amount of this story revolves around the typical Lost Episode shock value and tropes. It isn't scary, a lot of it seems to come out of nowhere, and I don't care about this character enough to maybe have some other form of investment.

The "Dora the Explorer" part is a bit clever, but I don't feel it really worked. I like the idea of her calling this out and nobody replying, as it makes me realize just how much Dora would call out to the audience to say the answer. Therefore, if the audience doesn't reply, she can't continue either. It makes sense and I like that.

What I don't like is how far he goes with it. He tries hard to be morbid and dark, but I see it as a poor attempt to get some shock value out of the audience and rather sadistic. It might have worked better if we didn't actually know what happened to Dora or if that part didn't go on for the length it did, since it is just another random piece of this scrapbook of Lost Episodes.

I've talked for long enough, so it is about I address this ending. Personally, I think Slimebeast usually botches up his endings. The original story has one of the worst endings I've ever seen, and Abandoned by Disney was ruined by the ending it had. Therefore, it makes perfect sense that this one wouldn't make much sense or be very good either.

I would question the logic of recording the show to get the effects of the video, but at this point, I've ranted long enough about how that already didn't make much sense in the first place. After some more Lost Episode crap, we get to the part that completely screws this story over (as if it wasn't screwed up enough).

The figure section just really, really doesn't make sense. So, Sid is coming through this recording (which he apparently hasn't tried doing before) as far as I understand it. Not only does it have that element of the recording that doesn't make too much sense, but I have no idea why Slimebeast thinks that bringing another television screen onto the screen to have that final line be said would be scary.

It isn't scary, more so just odd and nonsensical. The description of the man on screen was kind of unsettling, but other than that, this ending doesn't give me anything.

With that said, is this story worse than the original? Actually, it might be. While this story does have perfect spelling, I'm not too sure about the grammar, as there are some awkward sentences here or there. While the ending isn't quite as bad, the whole pasta is just filled with pointless nonsense that certainly makes this a very poor sequel. 2.5/10.

"Blue Moon" Review (PotM Nomination- May 2015)
I've already reviewed My Grandfather Suffered from Dementia from this month's nominations, so I decided to go ahead and begin reviewing every other nomination. I've decided that I'm probably going to do this every month, although next month it will probably be more gathered and done earlier.

Anyway, Blue Moon is a pasta that I don't exactly understand why it was nominated. I have nothing against the author, and I'd actually love to see more work from him, as I still think this pasta is above-average. I just think this story needed another edit or draft in order to truly be a great pasta.

I'll start with all the good things before I delve into why I didn't think this pasta worked too well. Firstly, I give credit for this spirit possession and how the sacrifice section plays out. It was chilling and helped build up the eventual ending even more. The actual ending, while not exactly terrifying or anything, was disturbing and quite good.

The characters in this story are actually pretty alright. Although I don't really sympathize with the main character until that campfire section, he certainly seemed to act like a normal teen would.

At first I thought Kyle was essentially a one-dimensional bully, but some intrigue was added when he appeared as one of the people sacrificing the main character in the end. The main character's brother was pretty forgettable though. The old man and the mayor, while not very subtly foreshadowed, were alright as they were.

Lastly, I would like to address that this story isn't boring and will manage to keep a person's interest. There is enough mystery here to sustain throughout the majority of the plot, which I liked.

However, I do have to say that despite all of this, I'm not really a huge fan of the story. The biggest and most obvious problem here is the multitude of grammar and spelling mistakes. Lack of periods at the end of sentences/paragraphs, capitalization errors, lack of proper punctuation inside quotes (if a quote continues into an actual sentence, there should be a comma at the very end of the sentence in quotes rather than nothing), sentences that just flat-out don't make sense ("Regardless me..."), missing commas when commas should be there, and a first sentence that makes me cringe.

I have since edited these mistakes though, so I will no longer judge that in the final rating.

However, I have other problems. Firstly, and I kind of touched upon this briefly, but the foreshadowing here is pretty obvious. I knew that the major, Kyle, and the old man were going to be at the campfire right when our main character arrived there just due to the length of the foreshadowing and the amount of attention drawn to those elements.

Secondly is those entire opening paragraphs. I'm sorry, but after the error in the first sentence, it delves into how sarcastic the character is. Granted, I'd be fine with it if he was either funny or justified, but it is neither. As much as I dislike the sarcasm used in some of the Slimebeast stories, at least some of it was reflected by our main character, his thoughts, and his actions. This character appears to show no sign of this intense sarcasm except in these opening paragraphs before never appearing in his personality again.

I don't understand why it was done like this, and it disrupts consistency with the main character. However, I also have to touch upon the usual plot holes provided by first person stories. For example, the fact that this spirit is apparently very sarcastic, as well as very keen to share his inner secrets of how he lives and how the sacrifices work by putting them online in a story for some reason. Granted, this is more of a nitpick, but it still doesn't fully make sense.

Lastly, I would have to address that I don't think this story is very original or has much flavor to keep it very different from other stories similar to it. The sacrifice, ritual, and spirit possession ideas have been done before, and I don't think this added much to them that those other stories didn't already have. The ritual section is well done, it just isn't very clever or original, more so just written pretty good.

Despite that, this story is still above-average. Although originality is a point that I had to bring up, it don't believe it factored too much into my judging of this story. However, it still desperately needs a revision to bring it up in quality. I went ahead and fixed any errors I noticed, bringing up the overall quality to about 7.5/10.

"I'm Worried About My Son" Review (PotM Nomination- May 2015)
I know I commented on this a while back, but after I established in my "Blue Moon" review that I would be taking a look at all the pastas nominated for "PotM" for every single month (maybe a bit too ambitious), I ended up revisiting this one to an even more positive response.

In my previous short little comment, I regarded it as "an absolute work of genuis" while spelling one of the words wrong, clearly showing my previous lack of spell-check and proof-reading. However, this time I'd love to do this story justice by spelling words properly this time around.

The reason this story is quite genius is not only because of the excellent twist ending, but also because of how the story manages to keep the interest of the reader intact throughout every single sentence.

I know this may sound like an odd statement to make, but I have to say that the fact that the first sentence isn't just the title is something I'm glad you did. It kind of bothers me when the title of the story and the first sentence are exactly the same, as I feel like putting the title as the first sentence is pretty unnecessary. However, you added the word "very", which at least emphasizes the worry of the father a bit more and isn't a complete copy of the title.

Moving swiftly on to what I was talking about earlier, it adds more information as the reader continues, building up this short, intriguing mystery before delivering upon that final twist ending. I could discuss every single line of this and discuss their impact on the story, but if I did, this would be much too long in comparison to the actual pasta.

I will say that you did avoid a big misstep in terms of categories. Usually, I come across some pastas that have interesting ideas and vague endings, but the category usually explains what the author intended. However, due to the fact that "Ghosts" and "Mental Illness" are both added, it leaves it much more open to interpretation than having one or the other.

My only, small nitpick here that doesn't make this get a perfect score is right in one of the earlier sections:

"It makes me think there's something wrong."

Isn't the fact that this kid is dead is wrong enough? I know WriterJosh is most likely alluding to the fact that the kid came back and is doing nothing, but I still don't think this sentence really makes too much sense after you know what the twist is.

Regardless, this is still one of my favorites and a nearly flawless short pasta. 9.75/10.

"Stairs" Review (PotM Nomination- May 2015)
Another review, another "PotM" nominated pasta. While I do see some relatively short pastas nominated (such as "I'm Worried About My Son"), I don't think any of them have actually won. While this is an odd occurrence and there is probably multiple reasons why people tend to vote for longer pastas, it doesn't necessarily mean these shorter pastas are inferior by any means.

This story is actually pretty dang good for a short, urban legend pasta. The style it was written in works well for the story presented, and while there are gaps in logic every now and then, it still accomplished what it was trying to accomplish.

The characters don't need to be developed mainly due to the shortness of the story, which makes this story very reliant on how scary it turned out to be. While I didn't think it was terrifying, I'm not scared very easily, and I give the twist credit for providing some interesting thoughts. It isn't exactly a crowning achievement or amazing, but it is well done.

There weren't any grammar errors and the word choice worked with the urban legend style, so I have no complaints in that department either.

The build-up for the ending was interesting and I'm really glad how simple the realization of the lack of phone was. It is such an obvious thing that should be there, so the conclusion the detective comes to makes sense. My nitpick here is that this part of the plot could have been set up better if maybe the story began with the death of the husband and the people did a quick search of the house as they never mention the lack of a phone, but as this section is, I think it kind of works.

The gaps in logic degrade this story a bit, but don't necessarily distract from an overall pretty great story. For example (and this was brought up in another comment as well), the fact that they send one guy that isn't even a police officer to investigate a murder is still a bit far-fetched, even with the excuses the story gave.

Also, I kind of have to question how the lady was able to immediately leave when he knew the detective knew there was no phone. There was no reason for the things to be timed so close together, and for all she knew, it could have been exactly like the investigation of the death of the husband, in which the detail was completely forgotten and ignored.

It would make much more logical sense if the detective drew his gun first or made some sort of indication he had found some evidence before the old woman ran. Imagine if the detective had found no evidence and that the old woman had just proved herself guilty.

Nonetheless, this is still a pretty good urban legend for what it is, and it is told well enough. Therefore, I give this story an 8/10.

"11 Miles" Review (PotM Winner- May 2015)
So, the pasta that actually won PotM. I should be expecting a good product, but to honest, I'm not too sure after some of the pastas that have won so far (Lost Episodes and Teeth.jpg, for example). Therefore, I wasn't quite sure if this would be fantastic or a letdown.

In the end, although I really, really like this story, I don't really see this being better than My Grandfather Suffered from Dementia or some of the other pastas nominated throughout the months. I mean, it is well-written, don't get me wrong, and I do think the story is still great, but it does have some problems (some possibly just specific to me) that I think make this weaker than something like My Grandfather Suffered from Dementia.

Firstly, the grammar/spelling is spot-on. Pretty much no sentence feels awkward, but I didn't really feel any powerful emotions or see any particularly powerful lines rather than the final line, which even isn't too powerful. That doesn't necessarily need to be in every pasta, but in the amazing ones or the ones that are fantastically written, I think this story needed more moments where I could feel the emotions or feel the depth.

The story kind of tried to do a powerful moment with some of the sequences talking about getting what the reader/driver desired, but I can't recall or think of a single line in those sections that really stuck with me or talked to me on some sort of level, and I have read this story at least 3 times.

However, the writing that is there is still good and flows well, it is just not particularly great. What I really do love is how this story looks at the ritual angle. It was developed very logically, made sense as to why somebody would try this, and actually does an incredibly smart thing by having no huge consequences if completed.

Actually, if this story was real, I would probably consider doing this (for reasons of romance, if I had to pick). A ritual pasta needs to convince the reader as to why they would do it, and this one does that the best out of any of the ritual pastas I have read. It not only has danger during the actual experience but low consequences if finished, but it has a reward that literally anybody could want and doesn't just apply to certain people as some ritual pastas do.

The credibility of this pasta can be kept intact easily and can actually seem kind of realistic, as the pasta leaves a reason why not everybody can do this ritual:

If you're looking for the road, it will turn up eventually, but you need to search for the road's hint in order to pull down the right one.

For one, a person could give up searching, which makes it credible as to why nobody has done this. Secondly, somebody could miss the hint given, which also explains why this ritual may not work. Of course the story is fictional, but it does a fine job at trying to convince the reader that this story could be real.

The ritual itself is intriguing. I didn't find it creepy, but it was interesting, and I always prefer quality over something terrifying. For me, perfect pastas need to have both of those elements perfected, so the lack of anything really scary does drop the score by a little bit (but not really too much).

With no main character to talk about (except myself, which I'm sure wouldn't be very proper in a review), I believe that I've said all I can. A great ritual pasta and, although I don't think it is the best pasta to win "PotM", it certainly was still a good pick. I originally had the score at 8.5/10, but I went ahead and rounded it up because of how well it did a ritual story. 9/10.

"The Long List" Review (PotM Nomination- May 2015)
Not only did this one become one of the winners of the "2015 Creepypasta Freestyle Challenge", but it has been nominated for "PotM" at least twice now. Therefore, my expectations for this story were incredibly good, and I have to say that I wasn't disappointed.

While not one of the best stories I have read, it is still fantastic and deserves to be on my "Favorites List" (which is getting pretty long at this point).

Anyway, for a story written in 24 hours, this is astounding. The plot is actually creepy and, while I feel like I've heard this idea before (that wasn't Hamlet), it was conveyed in a different way, which makes it much more fresh and new. The disturbing elements comes from the insanity and the ghost itself, and I find the idea that this ghost could change this person and essentially control their actions/emotions (at least that is how I viewed it) is quite creepy.

The writing of this story seems a little bit awkward at times to me. Maybe it is just my personal preference. It doesn't ruin the story really, it is more so just a minor fault.

Otherwise, the writing is well done. The spelling and grammar seems to be pretty much perfect. While sometimes it can get a bit repetitive in the choice of words (such as in the previous example), there is actually a good amount of variety of names and words. For example, you used quite a few different names for "meth", and while that may seem a bit too many names to some, I think the variety and the way it was told made it work.

The last line really stuck with me, as well as a few of the descriptions of the girl in question. It is filled with details and atmosphere that comes across as quite powerful, which is one reason why I found this story to be more powerful than something such as 11 Miles. In 11 Miles, there was plenty of description that was good, but nothing that I felt really would stick with the reader, unlike this story.

I've praised the story quite a bit, but I do have a tiny little problem in addition to the slightly awkward sentences from earlier, and that is mainly the fact that as powerful as this pasta could be, the characters kind of limited the power.

I have to say that I can't feel huge sympathy or any strong emotions towards this detective. He didn't really do anything right that really makes the reader like him, and after the story acknowledges that he is on trial for manslaughter, I can't exactly view him as a positive person. However, this fact does make the creepy elements still quite disturbing. My problem is that it might have been more disturbing if he was slightly better established as a good person. In other words, if this story was maybe a bit longer and not on a 24 hour time limit, it might have worked even better than it already does.

However, the twist is very clever, and I give massive credit to the author for making me not even really notice it until the author clearly wanted me to take notice to it. It was foreshadowed with the "fat fuck" line and it delivered disturbingly well, making it an all-around great twist.

In summary, this pasta is remarkable for being made in 24 hours, and truly one of my favorites now. If 11 Miles was on the lower side of 9/10, this is definitely on the upper side of 9/10.

Creepypasta Rifftique (With Dorkpool): "Jeff The Killer Rewrite"
Before I go on with the rifftique, I must urge you to go to Dorkpool's riff site. He has some excellent, hilarious riffs (aka Mystery Science Theater 3000 in text form) that I largely recommend you check out.

Click there to go to his site.

Now, on with the regularly scheduled rifftique.

AGrim: A lot of people know that the original "Jeff the Killer" sucks. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t, but those terrible stories are for another day.

Dorkpool: "Another day" being "the next time I post a Riff."

AGrim: Today is an unusual case in which somebody must have thought that the original "Jeff the Killer" needed a rewrite. While yes, a rewrite would make it better, I personally don’t think the idea is good enough or original enough to make something good.

Dorkpool: I actually have to disagree. The idea behind "Jeff the Killer" wasn’t terrible, and I’m sure if the writer is talented enough, he or she could make a good story with ol’ Jeffy.

AGrim: Thinking of it, I actually kind of like "Jeff the Killer vs. Jane the Killer". Sure, the set-up and origin stories were terrible, but it is mostly written well and even clever at times. Therefore, you have a very good point there.

Dorkpool: Thank you.

AGrim: However, it doesn’t help that the author of this rewrite doesn’t understand that when you rewrite something, you probably need to understand English better than the original author. This author is one of those authors that is just plain incompetent.

Dorkpool: God fucking damn it.

AGrim: Therefore, let’s go ahead and find out why this rewrite just doesn’t work.

Dorkpool: Or, in other words, let’s do a reboot worse than Man of Steel and Riff this bitch!

OMINOUS UNKNOWNKILLER STILLAT LARGE

Dorkpool: (Newspaper): In other news, spaces are for squares.

AGrim: We’re off to a fantastic start, aren’t we?

After weeks of unexplained murders, a young boy, Timothy Stevens, claims to have survived an attack from this elusive murderer. He has accepted our offer to interview him,

Dorkpool: (Newspaper): …after quite a bit of bribing.

and bravely tells his story.

"I had a bad dream and woke up in the middle of the night. I saw that the window was open, but I remembered closing it before I went to sleep. I got up, closed it and tried to go back to sleep." "After a few minutes, I got a strange feeling

Dorkpool: I believe it’s called "puberty."

… As if I was being watched… I opened my eyes, and before I could scream, a pale hand grabbed my throat. I couldn’t even breath.

''AGrim: If you are going to rewrite the original, you should probably show that you understand English better than they did. Clearly, this author doesn’t.''

All I could do was watch as the person pulled his hood up, revealing his face…" Timothy shuddered at this point.

"It was pale, with cold, dead eyes, bordered by black rings. The hair was black and looked like it was wet, but the worst part was the smile… It looked like it was carved into his face. This person held up a knife, above my head and said three, simple words in a way only an insane person could speak.

Dorkpool: (Jeff): Coocoocachu, Colonel Sanders.

"Go. To. Sleep." I kicked him, knocking him over and began screaming at the top of my lungs as he tried to stab me! My mother ran upstairs and opened my door, and the person threw his knife at her, sticking it into her shoulder. I began to hear sirens, and the person jumped through the window and ran away."

If you see anyone matching the description of the person in this story, please contact your local police station. Suspects include 15 year old Jeffrey Hill, a young boy living with his family until they were found murdered in their beds, with Jeffrey nowhere to be found.

Dorkpool: Thanks, random exposition!

''AGrim: Well, we know the ending of this pasta now. There really isn’t too much reason to continue, they literally just got up and told us what is going to happen.''

''Dorkpool: Alrighty then, we’re done here. That was Creepypasta Rifftiques, and this story sucks, but at least it’s short.''

''AGrim: For a rewrite, I have to admit it was an improvement. At least it saved me from having to read most of the original story agai- oh god damn, it goes on.''

Dorkpool: Oh, just kill me now.

Jeff and his family had just moved to a new neighbourhood. Jeffs father had gotten a promotion at work, so they decided to move to a better part of their town. Jeff and his brother, Liu, couldn’t complain.

Dorkpool: (Narrator): But that doesn’t stop them from doing so.

They both hated their old house, where they had to share a room. While they were unpacking everything and putting it into their house, the new neighbours came by. "Hello." she said. "I’m Barbara. I live across the street. Welcome to the neighbourhood." Jeff’s mother introduced herself. "I’m Margaret. This is my husband Peter, and my kids, Jeff and Liu."

Dorkpool: (Barbara): What kind of name is Liu?

AGrim: (Margaret): We adopted him off the streets of China, okay?

A young boy ran up to Barbara and looked at Jeff and his family. "This is my son, Jack. He’s going to be eight in a few days."

Dorkpool: (Barbara): He’s also a mistake.

They talked for a few more minutes, and Barbara invited Jeff’s family to Jack’s birthday party. After they went back home, Jeff spoke up. "Why did you invite us to some kids party?" he said to his mother. "In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not some dumb kid." "I think we should get to know our new neighbours." Jeff’s mother replied. Jeff groaned and went into his house. He stayed in his room until dinner.

AGrim: Did he just kind of sit in his room until dinner, doing nothing?

The next day, Jeff and his brother went to his new school. After a boring day of being told how glad everyone was to have them at school, they went to the bus stop.

Dorkpool: Wait, if they went to the bus stop after school, how did they get there?

AGrim: I guess the author decided we needed to know the origin of Jeff’s teleportation abilities from "Jeff Is Back".

While they talked to each other, another kid who looked like he was a year older than Jeff came by. "Hey. That’s my spot." He said to Jeff. "Too bad. Find somewhere else to sit." This made the other kid angry. "Do you know who I am?" "Some ugly loser. Go bother someone else." Jeff replied. The other kid took a knife out of his pocket. "GET OUT OF MY SPOT. NOW."

Dorkpool: Sheldon Cooper is out of control.

Jeff laughed. "No." The boy attempted to stab Jeff, but he got out of the way. He took out his own pocket knife and stabbed the boy in the side. He grit his teeth and ran off.

Later that night, someone knocked on the door of Jeff’s new house. When his mother opened it, she saw a police man standing there. "Hello, ma’am. We have reports that your son has been causing problems at school." She called Jeff and Liu down. "Kids, this man says you’ve been causing problems."

Dorkpool: (Margaret): Did you try to killing the principal and inciting a revolt again?

AGrim: (Jeff): Come on mom, I only did that twice!

The police man interrupted. "We have reports of one of your children severely injuring another child at school." Liu spoke up. "It was me, sir. I stabbed another kid." He looked at Jeff and sighed. "He was trying to hurt my brother." Before Jeff could say something, the police man told Liu that he would be going to Juvie for the next few months.

Dorkpool: Because screw due process!

AGrim: I like that Liu actually shares the fact that the kid was trying to hurt them and the officers still don’t care at all.

Liu and the police man walked out, got into the car and drove away.

A few days later, it was time for Jack’s party. Jeff put on the best clothes he could find, and his mother, who had fallen ill, told him that she couldn’t go. Jeff walked out, and walked down the street to the crosswalk. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his stomach.

Dorkpool: Where will you be when constipation strikes?

A second later, everything went black.

When he woke up, he didn’t know if he had or not. Everything was dark. He tried to sit up, but he couldn’t. Suddenly, the darkness he saw began to go away.

Dorkpool: (Narrator): It was immediately replaced by more darkness.

He saw a man in a white coat, looking at him. Jeff looked around, and saw his family, trying not to cry. "Mom? Dad? What’s wrong?" Jeff asked them. The man held up a mirror. Jeff saw his face. It was completely white

Dorkpool: By the Preservers’ pants, he’s become Caucasian!

… His black hair seemed to have grown since the last time he saw it… And his lips were stained red… "Jeff, I’m very sorry, but-" Jeff interrupted the apparent doctor. "Sorry for what? I’m…" Jeff poked his cheek.

"I’m beautiful…"

Dorkpool: That’s what all his fangirls say, anyway.

He started to laugh very loudly. His mother looked at the doctor with an expression of fear. "Is… Is my son going to be all right?" "Yes, the pain killers are still affecting him." The doctorreplied. "If it doesn’t go away soon, be sure to bring him back."

Dorkpool: (Doctor): Don’t worry, we’ll just give him a lobotomy.

After they took him back home, Jeff, his brother and his parents went home. His mother woke up after having a nightmare. She thought she heard something, though… It almost sounded like laughter…

Dorkpool: (Narrator): …but more like polka.

AGrim: Painkillers make people really like polka, apparently.

She went to the bathroom and saw her son… He was staring into a mirror, holding a knife and cutting into his cheek. There were black circles around his eyes, and he didn’t blink at all. "Jeff… What have you done to your face…" She began to cry. Jeff looked over at her and laughed. He walked over to her, still holding his knife. His mother ran out of the room and to Jeff’s father. "Honey, we need to find Liu and leave.

Dorkpool: No matter what, Jeff’s mom is still a crappy mother.

AGrim: They never explained that Liu got out of juvie in this version, so I’m assuming they aren’t going to find him so easily.

''Dorkpool: Maybe Liu teleported out of prison. Maybe both he and Jeff are mutants or something.''

Now. Jeff’s…" She turned around and saw Jeff. "I’m what? Hideous?

Dorkpool: Yep.

I thought you loved me, mom…"

AGrim: (Margaret): Actually, I was hoping you were the one that was going to Juvie.

Liu woke up to the sound of his parents screaming. He looked around for a moment, and saw his brother, standing at his door. He was too scared to speak… Jeff walked over to him and held his knife, covered in blood, over his brother’s face. "It will only hurt for a moment, brother… All I want you to do is… Go… To… Sleep…"

Dorkpool: (Liu): But I’m not tired.

''AGrim: (Jeff): Just humor me for a sec, bro. Also, how the hell did you get out of Juvie?''

END RIFF

AGrim: Alright, my main problem with this story is that this author just doesn’t know how and why you rewrite stories.

Dorkpool: Neither does most of Hollywood, to be honest.

AGrim: Well, yeah. For every Casino Royale, there will always be a Planet of the Apes (2001). Anyway, the reason a person would rewrite a story is to improve upon the story (or, in rare cases, make it intentionally bad for a Trollpasta). The author isn’t a very good writer, so he can’t really improve upon the story.

Dorkpool: Cue jokes about Zack Snyder, J.J. Abrams, and Mark Webb.

AGrim: Also, it doesn’t help when he skips the entire middle of the plot to get to the end. The whole "Jeff blacks out and wakes up in hospital" is a terrible cliché, and the author either did this on purpose or thought that the entire middle of "Jeff the Killer" was gold and required no changes. He was clearly wrong on that.

Dorkpool: He was also wrong on how to spell things, how spacing works, and how to write interesting characters and plot, so that’s not saying much.

AGrim: Anyway, because of this random skipping, it actually makes the plot really incomplete. The transition of Jeff into a madman is now (even more) rushed and doesn’t really make sense. In the original, it kind of made sense, as these kids were trying to kill him. In this one, he blacks out and he just randomly turns crazy after seeing his face. What?

Dorkpool: By the way, not having Jeff go insane at the party, or even go the party, pretty much makes the whole part at the beginning with Barbara saying that Jeff’s family should go to the party kind of useless. Jeff just could’ve been walking around when he felt that pain in his stomach, and the effect would’ve been the same. Instead, we have padding. Say what you will about the original story (and believe me, there’s a lot that can be said), but at least the party invitation did contribute to the plot.

AGrim: Also, they never explain how his brother gets out of Juvie, and they never resolve the characters of the bullies who were beat up. In the original, they had motivations to come and turn Jeff insane, even if they were terrible characters. In this one, they only exist to threaten the characters and then get beat up. I’ve seen more complete Bully character arcs in Stephen King’s It.

Dorkpool: There’s also something else that should be mentioned: that newspaper clip at the beginning. Why is that there? All it really does is let us know that Jeff sucks at killing small children, and that he’ll become Jeff the Killer. The first part wasn’t necessary, and the second part we already know. So, once again, we have padding. Yes, I know, it was in the original story, but you know what else was in the original story? Jeff going to a party and killing people. That’s not in this story now, is it?

AGrim: Anyway, the English is pretty poor, the characters are pretty much the same, it is just plain bad. The only saving grace is that the English is a little, tiny bit better than the original and it is pretty short.

Dorkpoool: This story is kind of disappointing, actually. In my opinion, "Jeff the Killer" is a story that definitely could’ve been good. Sure, a lot would need to change and be rewritten, but it can still be done. However, this story is not the way it should be done. Despite being much shorter than "Jeff the Killer" (which is quite nice), it’s still not very good.

AGrim: Therefore, is this truly worse than "Jeff the Killer"? Probably not, mainly because it isn’t as long. However, it is still a fail of a story that I’d say is pretty close to being as bad as "Jeff Is Back". 2.5/10.

"Portal" Review (PotM Nomination- May 2015)
Well, this was a weird one. That category is certainly well-justified for this story. However, is this story great and a well-justified nomination? Not really, but it certainly isn't bad.

The plot is written in the second-person, which I give a lot of credit to the author for doing. I personally find it difficult to write like that, so when somebody does manage to pull it off (in a non-ritual pasta), I'm usually impressed. However, that doesn't stop this story from having a huge flaw in the usage of English throughout.

There are lots of awkward sentences and sentences that use grammar wrong, and I'll go through a few of them now to prove my point.

''All Summer, never have you felt a sort of warmth like this. This sensation wasn’t from the Sun beating down through your bedroom window all day.''

This sentence is grammatically incorrect due to the capitalization of "Summer" and "Sun". Summer is never capitalized unless it is the first word of a sentence, so the usage here is not right. Sun is only capitalized if listed with other planetary objects, which it isn't here. This is one problem that carries throughout the story, as the author also capitalizes "God" and "Hell" when neither word is supposed to be capitalized in the context they are used.

Probably not, as the oozing heat carried no smell, or any dtrace of color.

This one is pretty obvious.

After what appeared to your fear-warped perception of time to be an hour or so, you finally grasp the brass device to led to your momentary escape.

In this sentence, "led" needs to be changed to "lead" in order to keep the same tense. That brings up the various tense swaps of the story. The story is supposed to be written in the present-tense, but the author occasionally switches to the past tense when it shouldn't.

There are also a couple incomplete sentences and a couple that use the wrong word (one sentence uses "know" when it should be "now"). The only other English thing that really bothers me is that first sentence (which is awkward and I think is incomplete) and the constant usage of the word "though". The author puts "though" after a lot of sentences and it tends to get a bit annoying and too repetitive at times.

I could talk about every awkward sentence and error I noticed, but I do need to get to the plot someday. Anyway, the plot is good, but it does have a couple flaws. There will now be spoilers, by the way.

The plot is creative (and the hallway idea is clever and came out before P. T. did) and brings up some interesting ideas. There seems to be a bit of symbolism throughout the story for the emotional state of the main character, but since it didn't really do anything to my opinion, I won't analyze it here.

Anyway, the final paragraph is quite clever in the way it is written, as well as some of the descriptions of this person's life. I can certainly relate to a lot of the things the child thinks about (particularly the sections on friends and crushes) as I am very close in age to the character in the story. Therefore, I believe that the author captured the character of a 12-year old pretty well.

However, my problems come from the predictability and the lack of foreshadowing. The child only seems to know what happened closer to the end of the story, but any reader that didn't just skim the story would know exactly what happened with the parents shortly after the main character enters the portal when the author included the details about the photo and the word, "ADULTERESS". If the pasta was a lot more about this character dealing with the realization, then maybe it would be more justified in being predictable, but the story focuses more on the exact details of what happened, which, to be frank, aren't as interesting when you can predict exactly what went on. The only paragraph that really delivered that satisfaction was the final one.

When the story did deliver the twist with the child at the end, it forgot one of the crucial elements of twists: foreshadowing. While yes, it did foreshadow the child earlier, it needed to foreshadow the abortion element. In the state that it is, the abortion literally comes out of nowhere and seems as more of a way to get the reader to be scared as opposed to a clever element of the plot.

Speaking of scares, this story does have a share of kind of creepy moments. I'll give it benefit of the doubt (as I'm rarely scared of anything), but even the abortion baby moment is only just kind of disturbing to me as opposed to being really shocking/disturbing. Maybe it was included for shock value, but I kind of saw it as a bit cheap due to the lack of foreshadowing.

With that said, the story is still not bad, just not really great. The story is interesting to read, brings up new ideas, has an identifiable character (even though it is technically yourself), and has a fantastic final paragraph for an ending. The rest has a lot of problems, but overall, the good moments do make it at least above-average. 6/10.

"1999" Review
Over the course of the time I've been here, there has been a lot of praise for this one pasta. Sure, every now and then a voice of discontent arrives to explain their negative opinion, but for the most part, this pasta was regarded as pretty great. Many people view the story as one of the best on the site and a good Lost Episode pasta.

Unfortunately enough, I don't see eye to eye with those people.

There is a lot of story I have to get through, so I suppose I won't waste much more time.

The plot revolves around Elliot, who remembers watching a local show in Caledon that was filled with some disturbing information. Remembering the show years later, Elliot has set out to find the truth behind what really happened.

To be honest, this is a pretty good idea for a plot. Actually, the plot really does work for the first half of the story. The episodes are kind of disturbing (although nothing too over-the-top yet) and the story has a reason as to why as opposed to simply being "mysterious" or created for no reason.

Although the details of why this "Mr. Bear" character broadcasts is at first unknown, it makes complete sense once it is revealed. While some of the material is a bit graphic and could easily give the person away (which it eventually did, to the credit of the author) the broadcast at least makes sense when "Mr. Bear" is revealed to be luring the children by leaving the address on the show. So far, so good.

The main character Elliot appears to be logical and intelligent. He isn't a genius or anything, but he is certainly competent and doesn't immediately freak out over every little detail/email sent to him. It makes him seem like a real person, which I can admire. "Mr. Bear" can be kind of creepy at times, and the other characters aren't really fleshed out, but as they are more minor, they don’t really need it.

Anyway, although I don’t really like the Lost Episode bits themselves, the context of the twisted person creating them adds to the story, similar to how the insanity helped The Black Friday Incident. However, my big problem with this story is something that I don’t think too many people will agree with me on: The fact that the story keeps getting updated.

Now, let me try and explain. The story pretty much wrapped itself up after he received the email from Mr. Bear, telling how happy he was for his visit. Actually, it could have been done after Elliot says he didn’t find anybody in the pipes and simply concludes that this even was a mystery, with the email from Mr. Bear proving that somebody is still watching him. Still not a perfect pasta, but a pretty great one.

The problem is that the story just keeps going on, and on, and on until we know every single detail. If the author had stopped earlier when we pretty much knew everything that was going on, it would be fine. However, the author insists that he needs to know every little detail and every single, insignificant little fact, which includes hammering in points that the reader already knew from the previous blog posts. It is pointless, sometimes pretty boring, and just simply not needed.

I didn’t find the apparent “hack” of his account by Mr. Bear creepy because Elliot immediately dismisses it and nothing happens except more of the same, predictable, boring stuff from before. Maybe if Elliot had ended the story after that hack, it would have still been good, but the fact that it literally ruins every opportunity to make a satisfying ending is what really drags this pasta down so much.

While Abandoned by Disney had a terrible ending, at least the majority of it was great and it was barely boring. This story only has the first half of it being great and the other half being a predictable bore-fest.

On another minor issue, this person uses parenthesis wrong. Here is just two of the many examples:

I said in a deep, serious tone (Trying to sound as badass as possible) I pulled out my cell phone.

I neared a small clearing in which I could see 3 adequately sized logs gathered around a black, charred area (Showing a small fire had been lit there recently.)

The first sentence is wrong because the first letter in the parenthesis is capitalized. It should only be capitalized if there is a complete sentence in the parenthesis, which these is not.

The second sentence is wrong not only because the first letter in the parenthesis is capitalized, but also because the period should be outside of the parenthesis. The period is only inside the parenthesis if the sentence inside is complete.

Therefore, although I can’t call this a good pasta, I can’t say it was really below-average or bad. Even if half of the ride was a mess, I’m glad I read the first half. 5/10.

"Water World: No Escape" Rant
I read this and I immediately knew that I had to write down something down.

This pasta is like "The Jungle Book VHS Cover" if they took that story, shattered it into tiny pieces, threw it into the dump, let it sit there in all the trash for a month, digged it out, and then tried to put it back together using big wads of duct tape.

I think I'll start a list of "Least Favorites" just so I can point out that this pasta is a mess. I mean, as much as I hated "The Jungle Book VHS Cover", at least it meant something and didn't offend me too much. This one is a pasta that I just can't put into words how bad it is.

How about I make a list of all the things wrong with it? Actually, nevermind, it would take way too long.

I don't normally just insult the pasta without giving constructive criticism of some sort, but I can't do anything with this pasta. I guess the first few paragraphs are okay, but other than that, this just erupts into a pretentious mess covered in things that seem like they were put there just to make me hate it.

There are so many instances in which the author just completely overwrites the story and I just can't stand it. This was, in fact, the writer of "The Jungle Book VHS Cover", and I wish I had known that before I started reading this pasta. If I had, I would have avoided this one more than I avoid Cry Baby Lane (which already has a perfect review on the page, so I'm not sitting through that torture again).

I could say more, but honestly, it would just a be a repeat of what I have already said. Also, there is a review below this one that has some more complaints I share that can help anyone reading this delve deeper into why I hate this one.

As bad as "The Jungle Book VHS Cover" was, at least I was able to get through it and not be completely and utterly insulted by it. I want to give this a 0/10, heck, even a negative score, but since there are technically words on the page, I guess I can't really do that. 0.5/10.