Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26227439-20151223193531/@comment-24101790-20160108175546

I'm sorry, but no. I'm going to be very blunt here. You've changed very little here and ignored previous advice given to you by both Whitix and me.

Whitix said: "Additionally, you've got tense changes and sentence fragments scattered throughout the story, which you'll need to go through and pick out." (Tense issues: ""Oh cool. You should get me one of the games you create." she says.", ""I bet it's going to fail," she says, giggling.", ""(')Im coming for you," he says.", "He then walks off and I am just sitting there until Katelyn breaks my trance.", etc. Overuse of fragmented sentences: "Death.", "But he won't let me die.", etc.

I said in the previous denial: "You forget to capitalize sentences." "asked. she (She) wiped a", "I whispered. she hugs me back." You also misscapitalize words in the middle of sentences and forget to properly capitalize the start of sentences. "We went into a coffee shop, After a...", " I said. after a long pause...". I also said this: """W-What are you?"" When stuttering (unless it's a proper noun), the following stutter should be lowercase." and you've not corrected it. Another ignored message you haven't bothered to change: "You really should cut back on the word "said". It appears 40+ times in a two-three page story (sometimes in rapid succession)."

I'm sorry but a majority of this issues and still here and frankly, I feel like I'm now spending more time on this story than you are. I'm turning down this appeal AND I'm locking your post in the writer's workshop as you don't seem interest in improving the story or taking advice which is wasting other users' time.