Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26113663-20150206105349/@comment-26007602-20150207215200

Okay, so while legible and in most cases correct, the grammar could still use some work. I'm on my phone right now, so if you need me to point out specific instances, I can do so a bit later. Let's talk story and plot, because that's infinitely more interesting.

Actually first, there was one line in the story that really bothered me. Where the old man says something along the lines of, "I believe in the existence of doppelgängers." It is incredibly forced and unnecessary. Nix it; it adds nothing and serves as meaningless exposition.

Okay, so I don't see what's supposed to be scary in this story. You have some build up (though most of it is just dialogue repeating what we already know, there are two men, that's obvious), but the ending culminates in nothing. The room was vandalized. So? I would not describe that as a "horrifying sight." It's just not scary or unnerving at all; there's no threat or sense of unease in this pasta. Some mystery yes, but there's no creepy aspect.

Let's go back to the ending: I think that's where the pasta loses most of its steam. I can't quite think of a better, non clichéd way to end it though. The dopple shouldn't attack our protagonist, not should he leave some kind of threat; this is because he hasn't shown any malicious intent throughout the story. But he has to do something more than trashing a hotel room. I don't know, I feel dopples have been used a lot, usually trying to replace the protagonist or cause them harm in some way. You don't need to do that, but there needs to be some horror theme here.

I'm sorry I can't offer more, but I feel the premise leaves very little room for origionality. You stayed that you wish to expand on this premise, but I think you need to find a way to make this unsettling first. As it currently is, no, there's nothing unsettling about it at all. If I by chance think of anything, I'll let you know.