Lost in the Mind

The minutes tick on relentlessly. The smell of putrid vomit continues to linger in the still air. How long? How long have I been stuck in this damn room, if that’s even what it is? Darkness has shrouded me for what seems like hours and time only feels slower and slower by the second. Escape, freedom, light. I gently stand my aching body up. It feels as if a weight of 8 tons of bricks is being forced down on every limb. I make it to my feet and slowly shuffle against the wall, trying not to fall. The concrete is unnaturally cold and clammy against my hands. I finally, after maybe a minute of walking, reach the other corner of the room. I slide my body back down onto the floor and sit, completely dumbfounded. Silence followed eerily and the chilled air lay on me like a frozen blanket. Scuffling could be heard from an incalculable distance away. They say fear of the unknown is better than the truth but….at this point I beg to differ. I stifled a quiet sob and opened my mouth to speak, knowing there is not much more a person in my position could do. “Hello? Who….who’s there?” No response, only the soft clacking of tiny feet on the floor. “Please, tell me where I am.” I asked in a desperate way. It wasn’t but a few moments later that a voice spoke to me from the darkness ahead. It was very low pitched and sounded quite demonic. “You are in a room. Inside of this room is a button. Find the button and you will be released.” And with that, the echo of running footsteps resounded off the walls and I was left alone. This shouldn’t be all too difficult. This of course, I knew was a lie but I was just trying to comfort my uneasy feelings. What felt like hours of searching, hours of feeling the walls and walking around proved to be fruitless. I dropped to the floor and began to sulk. My anxiety levels were rising for I knew that there was no way I was escaping. Tears soaked my shirt, making the room feel all the more cold and depressing. I placed my hands in my pants pocket and felt something cold and metallic. I removed the new found item and felt all over it for sight was no option. Suddenly, my heart seized in my chest as I felt what seemed to be a round button. Taking no moment’s hesitation, I pressed it. The deafening sound of a large concrete door sliding against a concrete wall could be heard, screaming in my ears. I blinked rapidly as I noticed a bright light streaming through the opening door and illuminating the area around me. Looking around, finally being shown to me was a small, grey room with 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor. I stood back up and thought hard for a minute. Where could that thing have gone? There was no possible way it could have just left the concrete tomb where I was encased without me knowing of it. I dismissed any further thoughts on the subject and quickly went through the door, leaving my icy prison behind. My eyes drearily open and are met with bright sunlight. A gentle breeze drifts through my ruffled hair. I look around to see I am lying in a field. Trees and rolling hills encompass me as I take in my surroundings. Fuck. Where the hell am I now? A figure stands in the distance. Getting up, I began to make my way toward what now seems to be a person. But…what I saw made me stop not but 10 feet away. This person was my deceased mother. “M-mom?” I stammered at nothing more than a whisper. She turned to face me and looked deep into my eyes. “Son. I’ve missed you so dearly.” A tear forms upon my face and I look at her. “I’ve missed you too mom.” I go to hug her and feel her loving warmth but…my arms just slip through her body without a sound. She speaks again, “Honey, you can never embrace me again for I am dead and only a piece of your mind.” Agonizing sadness and confusion overtake all of my being. “What do you mean mom?” I ask softly. A glistening tear falls from her eyes. “Wake up sweetheart. Please wake up.” I attempt to do just that, slapping myself and receiving an intense pain on my face. The light and everything around me begins to fade and I scream to her, “Mom! Mom, come back! Mom!” The last thing I hear before going unconscious is, “I love you son.” I awake once more. Looking around I see a room, small and quiet. A spotlight dimly glows above me. Through all the emotions that I have felt in the past quell together into one feeling that warms my body, Anger. I explode my anger onto nothing. “Alright, where the fuck am I? What the hell is going on here?” I begin to sob, knowing I have no control of anything anymore. “Get me the fuck out of here!” I bang on the metal walls and scream loudly. There is no hope. There never was for anything in my life and I knew it. My screaming subsided as the wall behind me slid open to reveal a door of pure, white light that began to suck me toward it. I tried to fight it and as I did so, I forward to the opposite side of the room to see a ghostly figure of my body standing there. I ran toward it, fighting the pull of the light and not wanting to go anywhere else. Yells of desperation came from inside the door. “We’re losing him! Shock him!” Zap! A sound of electricity rang in my ears as I ran to my body. Another zap was heard. I finally reached myself and stepped through the ghost like body. Then the whole world went black. I awoke with a jolt and examined my new area. I was in a hospital room. Trying to lean up sent a searing pain through my entire body from my head. I reached up and felt bandages all around. There was also an IV in my arm. Was all that a nightmare? My thoughts were cut short as the door opened and in stepped a young doctor. He looked at me and smiled. “Ah, Mr. Adams I see you are awake. Well, the surgery was a success and the tumor was removed. You should recover within the next few weeks.” It’s been about a year since I had the surgery to remove the deadly tumor from my brain. To this day I still cannot fully fathom what I experienced in my own mind. All I know is that I survived. I fought and I won. The light is going to have to try harder than that next time it wants to claim my soul.