Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24248644-20150130053444/@comment-25907694-20150130145235

The story served its purpose for what you wanted it to (twist at end), but it didn't really stand out. The buildup and momentum was not really present, so it made the ending less impactful, ya know?

also,

"... i didn't whined or cried..." - should be whine or cry

"  with creepy yet empty expression on my face." -  an 'a' between 'with' and 'creepy'

Also, when them main character says she couldn't believe what she just heard, it makes it seem that the past paragraphs were supposed to be her mother actually telling her, with dialogue. But it wasn't. So, you could just say, " I couldn't believe it."

The sentence:

"back when I was a little girl, my mom told me I had an "episode" with these dolls."

This sentence could be taken the wrong way, as in, the main character was told the story as a kid, rather than now. You could just delete the words, "my mom told me"  and you'd be fine.