Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36516270-20180809001802/@comment-35711173-20180809002451


 * 1, work on your English. I spot wrong words.  " Sense Jake couldn’t get any help at the time no one noticing him being gone" should be "Since Jake ..."  You aren't properly constructing paragraphs.  This needs quite a bit of cleanup just to get to the point where someone will give it a serious review.  Fortunately you took it to the right place, the workshop.  It wouldn't last six hours on the Wiki before an Admin would delete it as not making Wiki quality standards.


 * 2, Every word you put after the start of Prologue: is part of the story.  For something this tiny, a prologue just doesn't work.