Talk:Girl of My Dreams/@comment-24618087-20140410151508

Unlike almost all others who have commented and reviewed this, I will actually point out the flaws.

When first reading this, it seemed like anothe cliche spirit story of some online haunting. However, this was proven wrong when at the end the terrorizing, psychopathic, blood-craved girl herself came and what I'm guessing had some sort of intercorse with Daniel. A typical amateurly written love story, I've read enough to recognize them.

What bothered me about this story, however, is the change in plot and characters in the middle of the story. Most wouldn't recognize it just from reading, but if you remembered from the beginning to end, the murders had Daniel's fingerprints and LDM43 was coming from his own IP address. The significance of this is that it gave the impression of a spirit from his dreams, or a thoughtform, and the IP situation would follow this or that he had gone insane from desperation and had done this to please himself, but was unaware. But instead, an actual person came over from his dreams, and had a real, physical form, not a spirit. The problem with this is that there is no purpose of his fingerprints being there, because if Danielle didn't want anything to happen to him, then she wouldn't leave any evidence, let alone the one whom she loves obsessively. This also means that the IP thing wouldn't exist either, because as said in the story, it took her a while to arrive after Daniel said he "loved" her.

Now, this is more of a personal observation than part of my review, but when reading the story, it seemed like you may have tied emotional values into it, be it some problem with your parents or friends, since you pretty much had them all killed, or your own erotic fantasy, because that girl who-Daniel-used-to-like-but-forgot's death was unneeded, especially the being stripped naked part. Actually, it's only purpose was to reinforce her obsession with Daniel, but otherwise is pointless. Then there are the erotic dreams he has and the fact Danielle was naked next to him in bed at the end.

Now, with this problem, I'm gonna have to bump this down to a 7/10.