Talk:Horror Punk/@comment-25393922-20140907172152

Here we go.

The second line of the first paragraph seems pointlessly exaggerated. Is it honestly necessary to completely drive the point into the ground in one sentence? And the last part of that sentence seems to not have anything to do with the rest of it - so he's met people who are his friends. That's makes him a punk fan how?

Johnny is mental. The whole "extreme goth" thing doesn't sit with me right for some reason, and the fact that the narrator was still comfortable around him after the whole discussion about the bands having experience with actual horror doesn't seem like something natural - I know I wouldn't remain comfortable with the guy.

The Allison part seems almost entirely unnecessary. Completely unnecessary. It was almost like it was simply a pointless rendition for shock value.

People having pictures of a dead body doesn't work. There are probably a half-a-dozen reasons why it doesn't work, but it doesn't work.

The lyrics part seems like it's trying to be genuine, but it could be done better. Johnny does realize that most cover art is at least once placed on a computer and worked on from there, right? Just an example. They seem to try to come up and connect to events in the story, and scare the reader through that coincidence. It actually comes off as mundane and predictable.

Plus, this seems like a little too much effort just to write a song or two. It's unnecessary. The character goes from unhealthy obsession to sociopath. That's a huge jump with little justification.

There are at least a dozen reasons why the ending just doesn't work. It's cheesy, unnatural, and doesn't feel right, to name a few.

Overall, there are probably other things about it that are pretty bad. But generally, this isn't very good.