Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30373618-20161031231847/@comment-24101790-20161101005520

For being a couple of paragraphs long, I am noticing quite a few wording, grammatical, punctuation, and spelling issues here as well as problems in the plot.

"a man in a butcher(')s jacket walk into the back the meat department"

"This to me was a little unusual, but nothing to (too) weird."

"But when I did, there was no one else in the room.", "But I had seen it, clear as day.", "But none of them sounded like the man I saw that night.", "But never anything I couldn't explain away, except for what I saw that night.", " But it makes me wonder, if this spirit was real, how many more are out there?", etc. I would avoid starting so many sentences with conjunctions. A few times is fine, but overuse can lead to a story appearing choppy/start-and-stop.

"who's to say their (there) couldn't be others somewhere else, or everywhere for that matter."

"I am looking foreword to hear what you guys have to say about it."

"if you'd like.I (space missing) am still very muck (much) a sceptic but this little thing has helped me to open my mind a little more."

"I am looking foreword (forward) to hear what you guys have to say about it. "

Story issues: This story is going to need a lot more build-up if you want lines like this: "But none of them sounded like the man I saw that night. To this day I don't have a good explanation. What was it? Is it still there?" to work. As the protagonist just sees something out of the corner out of their eyes, it feels like an over-exaggeration to state "We could be living in a world controlled by spirits, and not even know it.".

Story issues cont.: The ending also feels really formulaic to request other people to tell their story and the skeptic line really needs more focus if you're going to include it as both of those are really common ways to end true tales. It feels a bit cookie-cutter to bookend the story on that note (much like insisting the story is totally real).

Story issues end: As someone who's written a few true tales, I can attest to the necessity of making the story interesting and putting the audience into the protagonist's shoes. Unfortunately your story really doesn't do that. It feels really anticlimactic and the lack of description doesn't pull the audience in much. If you can't hook the audience's attention by describing the situation or making the story atmospheric, then it's really hard to create a sense of horror/suspense. There are other issues here, but I think this is enough to give you an idea on where to start.