Talk:The Santa at the Mall/@comment-28266772-20161228111646

I really liked this. You successfully used present tense which is difficult, and put it to good use to keep us in the moment. The atmosphere was well constructed, not just with language, but with the surreal nature of the plot. It was all a very strange series of events that felt almost dream like, but riddled with anxiety and fear (which helped me relate to the mother). And there was a strong contrast between the dream like shopping centre and the final scene that's set in a more normal/grounded domestic setting. It felt like waking from a nightmare only to find that part of it followed through. There's a lot to like here Derp; great job.

On a negative note though I felt that the story was just a little bit too vague. I can see you tried to remedy it in the alternative ending where we see the Santa with a knife, but it didn't feel like enough.