Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-40022501-20190712212238/@comment-35711173-20190713162334

Bloody Spaghetti pretty well reviewed it. I too think that you can make a pretty good story out of this, but you need to do a lot of work.

Notable issues:
 * That last sentence/paragraph saying that it's a story and that we should comment does kill it.
 * The grammar, spelling, punctuation, and spacing really all need to be fixed. You have (without exaggerating) about a hundred errors.  I would strongly suggest putting this through https://www.grammarly.com and fixing their "free" errors.
 * According to https://www.hemingwayapp.com you are heavy on adverbs and have a number of difficult to read/run on sentences.

Here is a good example of the English errors. It's a sentence from your first paragraph.

Countless days tracking down massive bears,Moose,and caribou, Weeks at a time Mushing sled dogs across frozen rivers, and being a guide on the most difficult hunts taught me survival skills that most of my colleagues will only dream of.

The word Weeks and Mushing shouldn't be capitalized.

That sentence should be rewritten to make it two sentences. It's unnecessarily long.

This is another example.

It was a cold winter day when i first met Special Agent Jones, I was just done Feeding my huskies there usual mix of hot water,salmon, and the best commercial dog food You can get.

You don't capitalize the "i" in "i first met." You capitalize Feeding in the middle of the sentence. You need a space after the comma that follows "water." The word "there" means location like "the ball is over there." You wanted the word "their" for possession, like "that is their ball." The word "just" isn't necessary. You also should break this into two sentences. At "I was just" is a very natural place.

Those are just examples. You have many, many more errors that you need to clean up.

I'm not going to address plot or story. To me, a girl saying "Don't kill it, please" seems pretty reasonable.

Why bring an alligator hunter to Alaska?

You're in Kodiak bear country. A MP40 is not proper medicine. I'm not saying that it might not kill it. You might get lucky. I'm saying that this "Jake the sniper" guy seems like a doofis and a jerk for bringing a 9mm submachine gun, and then leaving it back at his hotel. You can guess the odds of it still being there when he gets back. Also, a MP40 is hardly a sniper weapon. It really seems kind of loony.

A male Kodiak bear can weigh a ton and when standing can be ten feet. Can it crush a man's skull with one swipe of a paw? Yes. Can it cave in a pig's skull or rip out its throat? Yes.

If I were going to bear country, I would be packing bear spray. Statistically, your best way of getting out of a bear encounter is bear spray. If they know the territory, they would each have a can on them.

A 1911 isn't a good choice for bear medicine. The penetration is WAY too low. Maybe a .44 magnum? I'd prefer something more like a Marlin 1894 in .44 Magnum though.

Why is he comparing Louisiana and Alaska? I don't get it.

Cryptozoolists generally are pretty loony. Sarah could be a "exotic wild life biologist" or a "zoologist" and be far more credible. Also, that would give her more motive to save the creature.