User blog comment:TheAzumangaDaiohFan/New Haunting Hour Review! (Episode 31) 3/25/16/@comment-26399604-20160328001418

Hi TheAzumangaDaiohFan,

I have seen you post your reviews for the Haunting Season for a while, but never really could read them, having not seen the episodes for context. I finally had a chance and watched the episode for this review.

The show definitely brings back a nostalgic trip of the days when I used to read (or my sister read) Goosebumps. Such good memories...

Anyways, the review was spot on. I did cringe a bit on the stereotypes but it was all in context for the story's underlining antagonist. It could have used a bit more meat like you mentioned, but with the limited amount of time for the episode, they worked with what they had. Overall, a happy ending.

In regards to your Pokepasta, I've never really read one aside a few for the haunted cartridge ones. It was refreshing to read one using elements while in the universe instead.

I did have a few notes on some areas. "[]" contain the corrections:

+ I let out [a] deep breath and I heard the same voice screaming...

---

Some areas had a bit of redundancy. Please see below.

Original:

+ Then, I heard someone open a door that desperately needed to be

greased based on the ear piercing creaking sound it made as it was

being opened.

Revised:

(Seemed a bit redundant to state "open" twice in the same sentence)

+Then, I heard someone open a door that desperately needed to be

greased based on the ear-piercing creaking sound it made as it was

being [moved].

Original:

+At that moment, my breathing became faster and louder and my heart was beating so fast, that it was practically vibrating.

Revised:

(Again, here with "fast".)

+At that moment, my breathing became faster and louder and my heart was beating [increasing], that it was practically vibrating.

My next note is about the part when the protagonist wakes up and darts to the bathroom.

I think it would benefit the story if there was a bit more description of the room, even if minor. The way the story reads, the protagonist is an unfamiliar environment. So, I think a quick description of the type of room they're in would help paint a picture of their location: nice, looking room? Rundown looking? Office like? Hospital like? Etc.

Moreover, they ran to a bathroom, knowing it was one. If it's an unfamiliar area then it should reference running into a room and discovering it's a bathroom. This is just small bits that add to the story.

My last note is the actual discovery of their appearance. You could even have them question their height.

Just an example:

''I found myself in what appeared to be a bathroom. Immediately upon entering, I knew something else was off. The sink, how was I was shorter than the sink? Sure, I wasn't the tallest person, but its angle for me now was like the perspective of a dog or cat.''

You could also comment at the loss of key features to show the attachment they had for it. Example, maybe for their hair and they fret over it. Better yet, the fear of noticing their tail.

''I still couldn't believe the sight before eyes, even though it was staring me in the face. As I leaned closer into the mirror, I caught sight of something bright glowing behind me. The sight startled me, almost costing my balance on the sink. I fell back against the mirror. To my surprise, I realized the light was coming from a tail - my tail. I had a tail?''

This is just my opinion of examples I think would enhance the story. Overall, it's a refreshing take with Pokepastas considering I've only seen haunted Game versions. Hope this helps :)