Talk:The Hawaiian Restaurant

This pasta had a nice idea behind it. Two things that I noticed when I was reading it.

One: grammar and punctuation. I'd suggest having someone review your pastas for this before you submit them. I'd be happy to be that someone if you like.

Two: the pasta's climax typically shouldn't be explicit. When the worm bursts out of the character's gut, it would be more effective if you drowned the event in detail, and it would be even more effective if you omitted all of the action entirely and simply timeskipped to the traveller dragging the corpses away. The scary part about a pasta isn't when the scary things happen; it's when the reader realizes that the scary part either is happening or has already happened.

Now, please don't think I'm criticizing you as a writer. I think you have potential, and I'm giving you advice not because I think I'm better than you but because I want to see you live up to your potential and do justice to your ideas. Cheers!

BigBug64 05:04, July 3, 2012 (UTC)