Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-8412271-20151121022823/@comment-24101790-20151121190637

Your story was deleted for not being up to quality standards Starting with the basics, you need to space in-between paragraphs so it doesn't result in walls of text. Additionally you shouldn't have multiple lines of dialogue on the same paragraph from different speakers. It muddles who's saying what and how they're saying it. " “I WON’T LET YOU. YOU WILL PLAY.” I growled, starting to get angry. “Fuck this!”" There are two lines of dialogue here, but no specification of who is speaking which line.

Wording: "If you’re a bidding (budding?) horror fan", " Then (When) I turned 18(comma missing) I finally convinced my mum", "I couldn’t avoid (ignore) my curiosity any longer.", "Peaking (Peeking) at my inventory" etc.. "you’re not here to read me ranting on scary games and I’m not here to do any ranting." Redundancy issues.

Awkward wording: " I saw what the capital lettered made", "A blooded scratch appeared on the screen", etc. Grammatical issues: it's=it is, its=possession: "It’s black and empty eye", "it’s lower jaw".

Capitalization issues: "Amnesia: The final (Final) Descent’" You forget to capitalize "I" ("i could play") as well as multiple times in your introduction. Additionally capitalizing every phrase really comes off as blocky and detracts from your original intentions.

Story issues: mentioning the multiple youtubers (a lot) really comes off like name dropping. It doesn't enhance the story at all. Please read the cliche list as well because this story seems to use a lot of them. ("the volume set on max. I screamed and threw my headphones off my head", "Crying and demonic laughter filled the air, ringing around the room I was in.")

I'm sorry, but I agree with Underscorre, as I found a few of these issues at a glance. (Meaning that this wasn't proof-read very well.) It's also a pretty generic premise, "I played this spooky mod of a game." that has been overused. I'm sorry, but I don't think this story is salvageable.