Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24976741-20140602212852/@comment-24821182-20140603042037

I thought the story was good, and the grammar is decent apart from a few things I noticed:

"We had quickly became friends." should be "We had quickly become friends."

"...I wasn't acting to happy." should be "...I wasn't acting too happy."

"I had came across..." should be "I had come across."

You could also add some more commas here and there, and thoughts should be put in ''cursive. ''Once you've dealt with these things, I believe the story can be posted as a page.