Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26996853-20151018122544/@comment-27012445-20151023125722

There are still some wording issues going on. I think you've written the protagonist very well, but Mr Manson needs a lot of work. He is front and center in your stories and most CP writers don't do that because the "Less is more" approach is usually better suited. However your story doesn't allow that. So you need to write a character that is beloved on stage but scary as hell when he is in his element. How you make him scary will be a challenge because he could easily sound very campy and loss all credibility as scary. But Manson is the key to this story, if you can nail that character, it will work. My suggestion would be that if your proposing magic is real, use that for how he could be scary