Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26011836-20161210184326/@comment-25941663-20161230222859

This one is better. It still though does not meet the quality standards. You are certainly on the right track though. I suggest you move on from this story, as plots like these are very hard to pull off and only experienced writers have made them work.

Don't be discouraged though. With the dialogue issues fixed, you now have the basics down. If you keep practicing, you will start producing very good stories. You just need time and experience.

Good luck on your writing journey!