Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10502460-20180606231912/@comment-10502460-20180616054720

Raidra wrote: It's evaluation time! First off, here are a couple typos.
 * The next objective was to determine why the birds had stopped vocalizing (one notable exception to this absence was an apparent increase in vocalizations by corvids, such as crows, ravens, and bluejays).- You forgot the space between "blue" and "jays".
 * Sound-file stimulation, which is usually an easy way to locate owls (especially barred owls and great horned owls, both of which are common in Missouri) produced infrequent responses.- Sound-file stimulation, which is usually an easy way to locate owls (especially barred owls and great horned owls, both of which are common in Missouri), produced infrequent responses.
 * As the calls grew closer, the the owl began to retreat, until flying off entirely.- Remove one “the”.

Second, I enjoyed this. It wasn't pee your pants horror, but I like stories that are more atmospheric. The scare factor is subtle but definite because the evidence grows that something is terribly, horribly wrong. The end of the first part makes one think, "Oh, that makes sense," and the second part makes one think, "Oh, dang!" Overall t was well-written & informative with a good opening & a style that made it seem like it could be composed of actual reports. The "combination of two reports" style also works well as a a device to set mood and then reveal the conclusion (Speaking of which, I assume the "Conclusion" section is blank because the investigation had to be halted?). Although you gave a scientific explanation, I couldn't help but think of the symbolism involving corvids. I've read enough about superstition and folklore to know that jay birds have superstitions surrounding them just like crows and ravens. The "government experiment" ending has been done a number of times, but I tolerate it here because I can understand why something like that would occur. By the way, what are FLIRs? You have other explanations in the story, so you might want to explain that term as well. All in all, I think it's a good story.

Thanks for the review. Just a couple points of clarification: 1. The blank "conclusion" sections is from when I was first outlining the story. I ended up putting conclusion points within the "summary" section, so if I don't think of something soon to put in the conclusion part then I'll just remove it. 2. FLIRs basically refers to infrared cameras equipped on aircraft. They are used a lot by state and federal wildlife agencies to survey deer populations, though I admit I'm not sure if they would have been sophisticated enough in the 1990s to be used to survey owl populations.