Talk:The Other Network/@comment-26525922-20150624162551/@comment-29249491-20160723165134

I agree with the errors; I have to, they are errors. However, your fixes break the tone of the piece and turn it into something else entirely. A cheap thrill, partly because the rest of this peace has such a (comparatively) calm tone, and partly because you turned a grim realization into an action scene.

I'd keep the idea of questioning the incoming sound, but the whole pinging section needs to replaced with some kind of overt notification. I'm no computer expert, or even well-educated layman -- so I don't know how you'd have it be clear they're reaching back without using a download to make you realize. You could go with a defender program trying to stop it, but I think antiviruses and the like operate on lists of known malicious things so maybe not. Either accept it as is, drop it, and only people who have ever opened cmd will know what you've done wrong (I imagine not too many will both know and care, the story is sufficient to misdirect attention from it) -- or just pace the realization out over that first 75% you skipped straight to. This last idea strikes me as most do-able, but that's just me.

and Hugh -- your writing lacks. . .grace. "I slowly regained my senses and quickly thrust my hands back onto the computer." Two adverbs in one sentence (naughty enough) and conflicting ones at that (just plain bad writing). I realize this is a quick mock-up of a fix, but it isn't a fix, you've traded a little more technical accuracy, in a story that doesn't actually depend on it (tho it is weakened by not having it) for a whole lot less grace, and an entirely different feel and tone. One I feel is distinctly less interesting.

I appreciate your concerns, but the only part that really cries for fixes is the ping paragraph, and it could be dropped easier than your additions made.