Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9041013-20181027120725/@comment-35711173-20181028082036

Bloody Spaghetti,

Many of the individual sentences seem to be run-on to me. That increases the confusion. A good example follows.

"The bound man could only stare at the gargantuan monster standing before him, an ocean of arms and joint’s sprawling from its fleshy pulsating core in various directions grabbing and grasping at the void around it while a horde of fish-eyed visages decorate its disturbing shape, staring at all directions and nowhere at once, their mouths wailing in an unheavenly agonized unison."

This mixes tenses as well and has an off the chart reading level as well. Either you have to go over it several times to understand it, which kills suspension of disbelief, or you skip over it, not really having understood part of the progression of the story.

Are you trying to imitate an old style?

Dr. Bob