Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29015383-20160716131146/@comment-24101790-20160716162651

Kinda reminds me a bit of B.B. Watson or the Metallica song where they equate the light at the end of the tunnel being a freight train.

After reading your story and Jay's feedback, I have to agree. It's a bit underwhelming. I think a majority of that comes from the lack of focus on Hell. I think it would be better as a narrative than a theory (a person's perspective as they realize the white light is actually Hell) as this leaves Hell as a generalized/nondescript place. There was a story I remember where a user theorized that any sin, no matter how small, led to Hell. While it was a creepy theory, it fell flat because while the readers know that Hell is a terrible place, without an idea of the horrors happening or a description, it just doesn't get the effect the author is looking to inspire in the audience. It's a pretty major reason why Dante (The Divine Comedy) and C.S. Lewis' work (The Great Divorce) still persist in today's culture.

My advice would be to re-tool this into a first or third person perspective (while working in that this happens to everyone) and to include implications or details of how Hell is a place of great suffering (wailing and the gnashing of teeth).