Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20170116150419/@comment-5101683-20170128092112

I think the story is good. The main problem that I have is that I don't know where the fourth part is. However, the second line of the story is in present tense (I think that the verb should be "scoped"). Also, it's asked within the story, but how does Jane disappear? Is that a secret? Honestly, I can't compare it with the original, because I haven't read the original. However, it seems like a good story.

bIQapqa'ta' 'e' vIQub 'ej bIQapqa' 'e' vItul. (I didn't get this sentence immediately.)

(Also, now that I think about it, I shouldn't have done it at this time, really. Sorry.)