Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-39063185-20190407205907/@comment-36627132-20190408224517

Spelling and Grammar Issues: "I was 12 ish." that should be "12-ish". "I have 4 friends" it is better to spell out a number rather than just hitting the number key. "Machine,and Skyrim." you forgot the space after the comma.

Plot Issues: "Now, since I am a very introverted, I’m going to keep my name private." not only was that pointless, but "I'm not telling you my name" is pretty much a cliche. The fact that the main character is only a kid pretty much drains any possibility of this being creepy in any way. Since the main character has anger issues, that pretty much makes the readers root against them and hope something bad happens to them.

Plot Issues Continued: "He lives in this small apartment building that was made in like the 1750s." first off, why? Second, using words like "like" isn't really proper narration language. Besides, choose a year.

The problem with this is that it feels incomplete, it lacks a plot, and nothing creepy happens in at all. The little part that is supposed to be creepy adds nothing to the story, there is very little of it, and makes the story feel anticlamactic. Not only would it be deleted for all the problems I just listed, but it would also be deleted for being a blacklisted subject.