Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28060931-20160918203623/@comment-26407997-20161016030647

So First off, You wrote at the beggining that the text comes from a journal found in the bottom of a ravine. This is a good start as it provides interest in the story from the beggining. However, the note that you write it in doesn`t really make any sense. It`s just a note at the top of the page. It just seems bland and awkward. Instead,try something like this: Two hikers went missing, there was a large investigation, but all they found was the notebook. Of course,you don`t have to use this, and you should certianly describe it more if you do, but you get the general idea.

Also,you made the classic mistake of writing in a journal. You forgot that you were writing in a journal. ther than a few sentences every now and then, this is essentially first person narrattion. You seriously need to fix this. One of the best parts about writing in journal form is that the narrator has already experienced whatever it is that`s happenning,making him able to write about the past and present,and future, instead of just the present. Here is an example of what I mean:

"Oh my,god I`m so exhuasted I can barely breathe. I can`t believe I`m stil alive, I just barely got away from the wolves."

You get the idea.

You do do a decent job of creating an atmosphere of dread and horror,So I`ll give you points for that. However, the monster itself is I think the worst issue. There is essentially no backstory. We have no idea who or what it is or where it came from. your story goes like this: Hikers go camping,get chased by wolves into a cave, and a monster kills them. Add something about it. Don`t give it an entire backstory,but give it something.