Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27612299-20160115010924/@comment-26475800-20160115014415

There is a good amount of issues with this story. The biggest is that it is kind of confusing, you never say exactly who is talking, but you just assume everyone will know by the contents of what is being said. I was able to figure out most of who was talking, but you shouldn't assume that the reader is able to differentiate who is talking without ever specifying who is talking. So in that context it is confusing.

There are also grammar mistakes:

"'Well if there IS someone looking at you at night, be sure to pray to Saint Michael like I said.. Okay..?'" Ellipsis are three periods not two. and it is also used incorrectly here, you would never end a question with an ellipsis, that just makes no sense, you have a pause after you asked the question, but before the question mark? If you wanted to make it seem that a person had paused after asking a question just write that the mother had waited in the doorway or something.

"'Okay.. I saw something, or rather 'something.' " Okay so this one has something twice, it was the first major error that popped out to me. again with the ellipses are incorrect, and you said that you saw something, or something, what? Is that supposed to say someone or something? Further more you Started the sentence with the proper punctuation, but closed it incorrectly. Anything that is being said has to have opening and closing quotation marks. Also, you should italicized the second something, there is no need for the half quotation marks.

Sorry, I seem to be really going all out on this story, please don't take it personally, there is just a lot of issues with this story. For some reason, I have gotten tired of people saying that their story is infallible when it gets deleted only to find that there are truly a large amount of errors. I promise to be nicer from here on out.

The story doesn't have any character development, in fact, you don't even give anyone names, which makes it kind of confusing on who is doing what or who is speaking. It also doesn't make anyone care about the people we are reading about, go into depth of who you are writing about, they are the bread and butter of your story, you should go into detail about them.

So if you fix most of those issues it will be better and easier to understand. If I didn't upset you too much, I will be happy to look over this again once it has been revised.