Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28718262-20160806123657

(Hey, this is my first attempt at a creepypasta. It's not finished and i'll edit this post as i go about changing and adding more but i was looking for some critique on it currently. I don't mind harsh critque as long as it's useful. I understand that my grammar is probably my biggest issue in this. So i'll be taking a read through myself to try and catch any typos and grammar erorrs my small brain can detect but i have some DVD's and books to return to the library first. >_>  So Anyway Enjoy:)



''It was just a game. Just a silly prank. ''

That's what Ellery May said in the red and blue flashing lights and loud whines of sirens. Wimpering in pain and fear. A month later and she comes to write a record of the game.

''May:07/2015. London. ''

''The doctor told me it'd be a good idea to get it off my chest. Write it down. At first I trembled at the thought of having to relive it but I might as well now, I realise i don't realy have any worth loosing. I've not been a susperstitous person but I have for a long time believed in the super natural. So on an april evening with the pattering of rain against our umbrellas and we walk down the darkening street- Myself, Jake Mathews, Isabella Green, Ethan Tomlingson and Jade wittington being some of the few still on the damp streets. It came to me as a surprise when Jake suggested we paused our walk to Ethan's house and went to the park. Jade shook her head shivering. Izzy (Isabella) nodded enthusiastically. “It's a full moon maybe we'll see a ghost” ''

''Ethan seemed to debate it for a moment then agreed. I was cold and like Jade didn't like the idea of trampling through mud in the dark but i wasn't a chicken, so i agreed. Jade gave in and joined us. So we detored from the plain dimly lit street of london with it's hum of the rare car crossing by to the pitch black fields of the park. ''

“What do you guys want to play?” 

“''Who can get home the dryiest!” groaned Jade. ''

''The rain pounded heavily around us, making the grass sludgy. Jake Grabbed my left hand. “This way. Come on guys don't fall!”''

''We trapsed across the sludgey grass to the playground. Then through the grounds to the swings. ''

“''I'm not sitting on those!” Snorted Jade. ''

“''You don't have to. You just have to push them.”''

“What?”

Jake smiled “Oh come on you guys heard of the Swing Game?”

“''No..”Me and Jade said in unison. ''

''Izzy smacked Jake over the head. “we're not playing that!”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">“''What is it? “ Asked Ethan.''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''Jake rubbed his head and grabbed a swing. “It's where you push the swing back and forth...”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''He mimicked the action. “And you chant the lyrics of the rhyme.”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">“''You're suppose to feel a wieght on the swing, that of a child” Izzy interupted. “if you keep pushing you will begin to hear it laughing and start seeing it.” ''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">“Continue and the child will begin crying.”

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">“Then it will let go of one side of the swing and grab you.Lifting you up off the floor, the swing will swing faster and you're feet will loose any signs of ground below.” 

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">“''-Wait! So what if you stop?”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''Jake pouted interupted from finishing his 'spooky tale.' “The spirit will leave. Those some have said if you cna hear it's laugihng and you stop you will see the child let go of the swing at the highest point. Then hear a powerful crack and see there body in perfect human form sprawled on the gorund in front for a split second!”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">“''Nice story. Jack.” Jade said.''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">"What don't beleive me? Try it!”

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">Jade snorted “Fine what's the rhyme?”

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">“swinging, back and forth we go,

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">Come and play with me, 

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">let's play a game,

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">swinging, back and forth we go, 

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">play our game,

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">come and play.”

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">“So fake “ hissed Ethan.

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''Jade passed her umbrella to Izzy who held it above her. As she grabbed a swing and and pushed it. Letting it glide forward as she repeated the rhyme. The woosh of the swing was the only noise besides the pittering of raindrops.”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''After 10 miniutes of it Jade stop pushing. “Told you..it's fake.”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''She took her umbrella back. ''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''Ethan yawned. “Can we go now?”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''Jake sighed. “okay.”''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%">''We hurried out of the park with the rain splashing down now. It was a further walk to Ethans house. As we walked along the street a strange feeling washed over me. Something i couldn't explain. It squeezed my insides and i couldn't bare it. I looked behind me to the park. A dark sillouette in the distance. My pace sped up. I noticed the others had sped up too. When we scampered thorugh the gate of Ethan's garden and he unlocked his door we hustled in, relaxing as we hung up our coats and put our umbrellas down. He shut the door. ''

<p class="western" lang="en" style="margin-bottom:0.35cm;line-height:115%"> <ac_metadata title="The game (Unreviewed)"> </ac_metadata>