Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5619531-20140909002923/@comment-5619531-20140910013101

Jemaba wrote: I can understand why you want to have a good ending, because without any closure, the whole thing is just build up to nothing. Now, throughout the story, god causes the colors to grow dimmer and dimmer as the two humans face worse and worse circumstances. It seems to be leading up to the humans being imperfect, and from that you can either have god realize that either the humans were imperfect and a new species is needed or that it is his duty to protect a species so willing to love and care for each other. The endings you have listed seem ruched. The first test makes it seem like failing to keep the room lit up was success, and I'm not sure how that works. The second was supposed to be a twist, but even though it wasn't predictable it was pretty weak, so I don't reccomend it. The last one seemed like the creepypasta version of the first ending (by the way, you switch to first person narration for no reason halfway through), which doesn't fit the tone of the rest of the story and makes just as little sense as the first. Of the three you listed, however, I suggest the first. Also, I'm sorry if I just didn't get part of the story or the endings, if I made false statements because of this, please tell me. I can understand me going randomly from a narrative tone, and I do agree with you on that and I shall fix it up.

I did seem to rush on them, or at least the second ending since someone on the last thread said that it needed to be a shock ending, so I took their advice. But with what you suggested with God loving and protecting the humans seems like I can work with it. Maybe your suggestion and my ending can work together, I don't know.

And you're actually right. But thanks for this. I know I'll work on it a little bit more, but I want to see other peoples' views on it before I get to work (but that doesn't mean that your thought wouldn't be unnoticed).