Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26154067-20150806025332/@comment-26900569-20150818000843

Uuuuugh, this grammar, spelling, and paragraph structure is so bad...but I feel if these were polished up a bit, it could be a patentially be a pretty good story. Also, might I suggest maybe change the ending up a bit? It's a bit of a cop-out when you have you're main character simply die, then followed by a news report. BUT I do genuine like the way the ending was abrupt, and it did build up the suspense up. I think the least you could do is take out the police report and work on the ending itself a bit more. It just seems to break all immersion when you have that placed at the end there.