Talk:Ronald McDonald House/@comment-1671931-20140630170431

It is an interesting story, I love the creativity. But there are few things that I find questionable...

1) As mentioned by others, why is the caseworker, killed now. She knew people at the facility, she had brought them children in the past. Why kill her.

2) In line with the first, why kill so many people for just one kid, you get more attention from these murder. This has to be the worst cover-up ever. As it wouldn't work either. The boy has a criminal record! Birth certificates! The families and the caseworker will have mentioned the boy, sometime in the past. If you want to let someone disappear, tell them he have run away!

3) If you want to make something disturbing with the photoalbum, fill it with pictures of the mangled corpses of children who died before him. I know, the idea of everyone you have known dead, is more terrifying but also create a giant plothole (You can't cover this up!)

4) What is the deal with the cruficiated children? It's horror, but it doesn't do anything with the story. Don't write things, only to be creepy, but things that actually benefit the story...

It wasn't bad (great ending!), but it had far more potential than this... 5/10