Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6278629-20140408154501/@comment-24077689-20140408170704

This story is massively cliche, it's not suspenseful, the formatting is terrible.There's absolutely fuck all for build up, there's no explanation about the old lady, there's no explanation about what happens. The very little build up you make is shot fucking dead by the ending, it's almost like a kid learning to skateboard. He's really fucking bad at it, then he manages to lift off into a small ollie but still manages to fall flat on his face.