Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28794220-20160629154218/@comment-28266772-20160629162344

I guess I should introduce myself hi I'm John, I'm 31, I live in an old town up the north east of the UK. -> This sentence should be split up. e.g. ...myself. Hi, I'm John etc.

I stared for what seemed like hours but probably 30 seconds. -> awkward wording (but was probably only 30 seconds).

I proceeded ton go to the bin and dismissed it as a glitch in the bulb -> 'ton go' is wrong, and the phrase 'a glitch in the bulb' is awkward, and doesn't sound right. Bulbs, not being digital devices, don't really 'glitch'.

the next day I woke up and opened the curtains to find the shed light was on. -> this should be it's own sentence i.e runon sentence. Look here for a better definition of what a runon sentence is.

I put on my dressing gown and went outside, as I approached the shed I heard scuttling from inside like something trying to conceal its self. -> runon sentence

About 10 days ago I was taking out the rubbish when something caught my eye, it was a flicker of the shed light. -> runon sentence

from inside like something trying to conceal its self. -> 'like something trying' is in the wrong tense (you need a 'was' in there), and 'its self' is mispelt.

  I open the door to find nothing, of course, so I went to turn off the light. -> wrong tense

That night around 11:00 a heard a loud noise from outside, I went out as I thought it was an intruder. -> awkward wording ('that night arond 11:00), incorrect spelling (a heard) and runon sentence (outside, I went out as I...)

When I opened the door to find the bin was knocked over, I went to investigate. -> awkward wording and tense issues (to find the bin is present tense).

Then I heard it again, the scratching, I walked over to the shed and stepped inside. -> Runon sentence

As I entered I found scratches on the wall and floor. As I stood scanning  -> repetition

As I stood scanning the room I felt something go past me and leave, I left the shed and looked round the garden, nothing. -> runon sentence/awkward wording

I went back to bed and fell asleep, the next morning I woke up at 7:00. -> runon sentence

<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;line-height:22px;">I went to check on my son, as I went into his room I found his lying in his bed, he was facing the other direction. -> runon sentence x2 & mispelling (I found his lying).

<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;line-height:22px;">I said “morning son, how are you?” -> New speaker? New line. Also punctuation.

<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;line-height:22px;">he didn’t reply, I said “son?” no reply. -> capitalization, punctuation & runon sentence

<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;line-height:22px;">I pulled of his covers to find his bleeding  from his chest, he was long dead. -> mispelling (pulled of his/find his bleeding), double space (bleeding  from), & runon sentence.

<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;line-height:22px;">He had his eyes stitched open and he had a stitched smile. -> repetition of stitched.

There area also a number of story issues. The gist of this story, once the fluff is removed, is -> Guy hears noise. Goes outside. Nothing. Goes in. Wakes up. Hears noise. Goes out. Nothing. Goes in. Later at night, hears noise. Goes out. Scratches + noises. Goes in. Dead son.

I highly recommend you read all the style guide linked above, and also read up on runon sentences, and sentence structure in general. There's not enough in this story to really get into as a reader, and there's not even that much to be afraid of. Here, is also a list of general creepypasta cliches you should take note of for your next story.