Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26027963-20150407145218

The Insomniac Warning: Explicit Language

I can barely remember the days I actually slept. I don't mean the two-minute naps I take sometimes, I mean slept through the night. Now even that's seems like a daydream. Because when the doctor said,"Chris, you have insomnia," I didn't believe him. I simply said,"So insomnia is the condition where you keep yourself awake?" He was quick with his answer.

"No, you just think you are making yourself stay awake, but really your body is," at that point I got up and left. I couldn't stand how all the doctors bitched on me, saying that it was my "body" that was refusing to sleep. I know why I wasn't sleeping, and I don't need any smart-ass to tell me why I don't sleep. I know why I don't sleep.

I actually tried explaining why to my first psychologist, a.k.a my first bitch-with-a-psychology-degree. Ha! I was so stupid then. Actually trying to explain to someone my parents said "could help"! So basically he asked why I wasn't sleeping. I just said "Because the shadows are out to get me," I almost got put into a mental hospital. Now can you see why I hate doctors?

But I wasn't kidding. The shadows are out to get me. I can see them move without anyone casting them. Their changing forms, melding together. Becoming stronger. I know their out to get me. Because they'll always get closer to me. Always. On. My. Ass.

Let me describe my first night of the "insomnia" thing. I was seven, afraid, like usual. Things under my bed, things in my closet. I was ludicrous. So convinced that they were out to "get me". Who wasn't? So here's how I would explain it.

Tick-tock

Tick-tock

Tick-tock

I was wrapped in a ball in my bed. My blankets fully covering me, so nothing could see me. I cringed with any and every noise that wracked the home. So I grew up hating that Tick-Tock. Hating it. Every time it creaked those two syllables I hated it more. The noise was too... too... too constant. So I chanted, in my head.

One Tick-Tock closer to insanity

Two Tick-Tocks closer to more clarity

Three Tick-Tocks closer to my enemy

Four Tick-Tocks closer to death

As you can see, I never made it past four. I was seven then, the young age of seven. I was already afraid of death, yet that, with other fears felt so natural at that age. Like the fear of the dark.

I had friends, I don't have any now, but I once did. They all told me I was crazy, that shadows can't, and won't move. So they started migrating away from me. Not wanting to be seen near the accused "crackhead". I hated that.

When I hit teenage years, I started talking more to Mom. My Father didn't like that. I recall the incident that got him in hell. It was the shadows.

''The day started out nice, a cool breeze was drifting nicely outside. I was inside, on the couch. Reading a book Mom told me told read on insomnia. She still thought that there was some way to cure my sleeplessness. My Dad was still yelling at her. He had been angry at her for a while.''

''The argument ended like any other one, Dad walked away, mumbling under his breath,"That bitch better..." I couldn't hear anything else, but the door slam. I slowly fell asleep. I had a weird dream, I can still remember it vividly.''

''It started with me on the couch, like how I fell asleep. I saw it not through my eyes, but through a bystander's. Like I was stalking myself. It was creepy, but I found no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't wake up. So I just watched.'' 