Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180822020522/@comment-26444017-20180823042505

So, in all honesty, I have no major issues with the second chapter. The only real problem I see is that I don't know how Cooper got into the car. Did Ashley let him in? Did he teleport in? Either I missed the explanation, or you need to go back and put it in.

As for 'Chapter 3', all of that stuff should by put earlier in the story. For example, the part about it being constantly overcast and raining was correctly included near the start of Chapter 2, but the parts regarding how characters feel around Cooper should be included in the moment, as the encounter happens. Don't be afraid to back up to earlier parts of the story to include important details like that. It'll be much spookier and more relatable in the moment than as an after word.

The writing is improving. I actually really noticed the changes toward the beginning of chapter 2, particularly when you described the sky and rain, and how she was driving that quickly despite the slick road. These all show attention to detail, and the point about her speed in particular shows care for continuity. If you can apply that to each scene in the story, you'll be well on your way.