Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34532494-20180218220153/@comment-24101790-20180218225126

It still feels like you spent little time on this new version and the lack of any significant changes doesn't help much. The overall issues I pointed out still hold true which is why I didn't bother changing a majority of what I wrote since the problem is still there (just with some minor tweaks that have their own faults.

The capitalization problem is still there, the entries are still incredibly rushed, there is little here to make the plot engaging (The sections you add don't contribute much to the story and instead highlight the issues as now we have this extra fixture (the random person he's threatening) in the story who has no impact on the plot in any way and feels like a newly created loose end).