Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26169026-20150304202536/@comment-26030957-20150310005827

I think you are off to a good start on this one. It has a lot of potential. I like the first two paragraphs, they gave me a good feel for Jenny. What I would do was show more of the interactions with Jenny and Martha in the beginning, delve a little more into their relationship, why does Jenny like Martha so much? Does she remind her of her own grandmother? Then drop some more hints about why Martha's family doesn't want her around. Some disturbing little tidbits that Jenny just can't believe. Then have Martha do something really fucked up to Angela that we see and horrifies us. I personally would lose the whole burning sidewalk and hole into hades, it kind of comes off a little silly, especially Jenny's rather mundane reaction to it. Maybe have Jenny come to save Angela and Martha corners her in the room. I actually like the ending and didn't find it too predictable.

You have a nice rough draft here, work on it. Think about it and go over it again. Sometimes it's best to leave it alone for a week and forget about it and then come back to it with a fresh mind frame.