Talk:It's Just a Page/@comment-5733573-20180920145920

This story has a lot of issues. First of all, the plot needs work. If you spend half the story on one character, you really need to see that character through to the end. Otherwise, the story just feels like a waist of time. Secondly, there's no build up. You give us two identical creepy phone calls and then a confusingly written encounter with a creepy figure in the woods, which may aslo be a playground, and a dead body and a burnt tree. You need to think this out much more clearly and be able to convey that to the reader. At the moment, it feels like a bunch of images thrown together for convenience. Finally, do you know how long it would take to carve a lengthy message on the side of a building? This type of thing also makes noise, so this aspect of the story completely kills it because it's just not believable. On top of all of this, there's really just no reason for the story to happen. What are we seeing? Why? What is the overall point?

Execution has some issues as well. You begin with a lengthy exposition paragraph, but the things you include here are not actually the things we need. At no point is it relevant what David's parents names are, what they do for a living, his siblings ages, that he even has a sister at all, etc. What you leave out is stuff that actually pertains to the story. For instance, if you're going to insist on an exposition paragraph, you should really include that David's dad is the sheriff and that this big forest where the final showdown will happen even exists. Stuff like this would actually be helpful.

This is all to say nothing of the grammatical issues and clear lack of proofreading. I went through and caught a lot of this, but I can't stress enough how important it is to proofread your own work. Please do this for your next story.