Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6822927-20190106211218/@comment-5101683-20190109002836

Okay, first thing: I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD CHANGE THE STORY. The story is fine. The themes on display here would become muddled if you changed it.

Secondly, I don't feel like it's finished.

Here's some amateur level story analysis.

Unlike an actual eldritch monster, The Maw is meant to be taken as it is; it is a character rather than a plot device. You describe it as a "deconstruction" of an eldritch abomination, but the problem is that it isn't. Its role in the story is substantially different. If anything. I'd argue the role of this monster is more like a deconstruction of an authoritarian government or a god. Despite how pushy and unreasonably concerned with control it is, The Maw slowly loses its power over this individual until they can bargain with it.

I do not think the fear it feels when it sees this bomb is unjustified. Supernovae are fated to happen; given a star's schematics, you can usually determine whether it will form a supernova. An atomic bomb is not fated at all. Essentially, The Maw is confronted with a hivemind which is slowly gaining the powers which it sees throughout the galaxy, but is able to use them without rhyme or reason.

The only real problem I can find is that it's not finished. Some people have told you "better" stories to write, but those aren't even ideas; they're fetch quests at best. I'd add something more to this story; it seems to be shaping up to be a torture porn in which an omnipotent being gains a respect for humans as cogs in a great hivemind. That's not the best story, but it's better than nothing.

What I'd recommend adding is an in-universe answer to the questions, "What did you do before coming to the Earth and its galaxy?" and maybe, "Why are you afraid of a nuclear bomb when there are far more powerful explosions?"