User talk:TheDarkMan97

Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied.

'''DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules.'''

Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make.

Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards.

For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback.


 * Here is a quick review of your story. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.


 * "I stared at the lake for what seemed like minutes, something seemed unnatural about it." - You use the word 'seemed' twice in a row. I would suggest changing it up to avoid repetition.


 * "Around this time the guy above me usually has loud music playing but there was no music being played" - You write the words 'music' and 'play' twice in a row. That repetition doesn't look very nice. Instead of "but there was no music being played" you could have written something like: "but I could hear nothing".


 * You have a lot of awkward phrasing in your story. A good example of this is the following:


 * "The silence made me unnerved" - Here you don't need the 'made me' part. This is for many reasons. a) Silence does not act, so it feels awkward to write that it made you do something, and most importantly, b) It is unnecessary. It is generally better to keep sentences as simple as possible, especially if you aren't describing anything spectacular. In this case, "The silence unnerved me" reads a lot better. A good way to weed out awkward phrasing is to read them aloud. If they sound awkward, then they read awkward too.


 * You have some issues with dialogue. Even if there is no actual conversation going on (for example, a guy talking to himself), you should still use the proper format (there are ways around this, but one step at a time). I suggest you read this guide on Dialogue.


 * Note that the above are examples of issues in your story. If you manage to grasp these concepts, you will have a solid foundation for future writing.


 * Hope this helped. Happy future writing! MrDupin (talk) 14:16, May 20, 2017 (UTC)