Talk:The Shadow/@comment-25941663-20161201173636

In the first paragraph you the word 'keyboard' three times in quick succession. Repetition without a reason stands out to the reader and breaks his immersion in the story. Starting off in such a manner is not a good start.

"I wanted to scream at it get out of my head" - Maybe you should put the 'get out of my head' in quotes. Currently I needed to make a double take to understand what you meant.

"I began to feeling came over me like I was in a trance" - This is a faulty sentence. I think you meant to write something like: "A feeling came over me..."

Sometimes you write 'The Shadow' while other times you write 'the Shadow'. You should fix the capitalization inconsistency. (Search for 'the shadow' by using Ctrl+F and fix any issues)

In the paragraph beginning with "My feeling of glee came to abrupt end" you use the word 'head' a lot. It doesn't matter that half of the occurences come in 'headache', the repetition is there.

"I was staring off into getting beige wallpaper when I noticed something." - This sentence also is flawed. 'staring off into getting beige wallpaper' doesn't make sense.

"I saw the shadow of The Shadow step out of the wall" - The double use of the word 'shadow' is not needed. 'The Shadow' is already a shadow, so you don't have to describe this any further.

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I liked the transitions from somethin horrible happening to Jack to him seeking help. A nice little touch.

During the time when Jack was being pushed to kill Father Christopher, I think it would have been great if Christopher tried to 'bring him to the light'. Praying with him, advicing him and generally guiding him. This struggle between dark and light would have been a very nice sequence.

The interaction between Lizzie and Jack was very nicely written and set the two characters up greatly. Well done on that part.

In my opinion, this story lacked risks. Not as a plot, but as in you, the writer, didn't take many risks in your writing. You went from point to point in a straightforward sequence, without any tries at surprising the reader. I'm not saying this is bad, but it lacked in 'punch' and 'personality'. It doesn't stand out, I'm afraid. A solid work though, and I enjoyed reading it.

All in all, this was a good enough story. It was close to the more traditional creepypastas as a plot and storytelling. That's not bad, but it's a bit limiting. Nevertheless, an above average story and you showed that you have the basics down perfectly. You have a lot of potential if you keep at it.