Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26072487-20151107131803/@comment-27080023-20151109144231

I am sorry it was deleted, but I will be honest. I pretty much agree with what KillaHawke1 said. The line about him being a youtuber that makes videos with family, and occasionally with one of his family needs to go. It doesn't make sense. That is an easy change to make.

The thing about the last name, ok well, there really has to be something else "Gayman" is just not bad enough for someone to bully him bad enough to set off a chain reaction of family suicides. There needs to be something else. It IS enough for someone who already does not like him for some reason to seize upon his name (being as it was hidden from the public for so long and obviously a source of embarrassment to him) and target him because of it, but you need to let the reader know what that reason is, you can even hint at it, you do not have to go into explicit detail. There was someone at my school with the surname Mycock and no one batted an eyelid.

There is potential here, I would never tell anyone to disregard an idea that they have put time and thought into, it just needs a little more reason behind why what happened happened.

I also agree, change the closing statement The ending of these stories is extremely crucial and if not executed correctly can ruin a perfectly good pasta.

If you wanted to incorporate the sexual harassment, you can do it in a non explicit way. Letting readers know what is going on without directly spelling it out is a hallmark of a good writer in my humble opinion :)