Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25504483-20150111212047/@comment-24101790-20150111224303

First things first, please don't indent your paragraphs. It causes formatting errors. Additionally you should use source mode when uploading a story as there were a lot of coding errors in this. Dialogue should be spaced out to new lines. I would also advise against starting sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because) as it is not grammatically correct and gives story flow a start/stop feel.

Capitalization issues: Video game titles should be in quotations or italics and need to be capitalized. ("half life 2"), "I" should be capitalized ("...than i thought.") Words improperly capitalized, " here and there, It (it) was when...", "the Train Car was splattered with Blood...", "When I came to The Airboat, It was a error,", "...that all ended With Winstion.", "I went out to the scout car and It was just a Block of Orange, But the Chapter Was fine. But Again, That all changed at Nova Prospekt...", "...citizens .(space not needed) Suddenly gordon (Gordon)", "A thorough search of The Files (the files) found nothing changed, no new Maps (maps), no lines of dialogue, Nothing. (nothing)"

Punctuation issues: "Trainstation(sic, comma needed) the level of darkness remained the same,", "shooting at me screaming “We thought you would end this, instead you've caused this unbearable death!”", colon missing "...that said things such as “Why did you have to do this?” and “Why did you listen to him?”, ". except (Except) that after (the) loading screen finished, instead of stepping into the normal jail instead I stepped into a room..." (Additionally some redundancy with the word "instead")

Wording errors: "...dark spots on their cloths(clothes)", "kanal (canal) chapter", "succuming" (succumbing). Grammar: apostrophes missing from words indicating possession. "strider(')s warp cannon".

Plot issues: There is a reason why gaming pastas may soon find their way to the list of blacklisted subjects. The story is just a loose connection of events without a real involving plot. It just follows through the game and doesn't really give any reason why the protagonist is playing it or how any of this happened in the first place. (The protagonist was grounded, after being ungrounded, spooky stuff happens in the video game.) This story really isn't up to quality standards and it is going to take a lot of work and thought to distance the story from the typical cliches that plague video game pastas.