Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20181004012529/@comment-36393004-20181004135021

BloodySpghetti wrote: Well to be honest, I like how it gives off a very classic short horror story feel to it, but it's really obvious how the story's bound to end.

My suggestion, ditch the "it's a creepy abandoned house" and switch it over for some isolationist family living there. Nothing weird about them, they just don't mingle with the towns folk that much. Now, for the sake of your story, this family is out for vacation. The narrator knows this, but he doesn't remember for sure. The lights in the porch of this house make the narrator feel uneasy but he doesn't know why, by the time the door snaps open it dawns upon the narrator that he clearly saw the residents of the house leave for vacation.

That's when the climax unfolds. You can also add something to the resident family being in charge of containing this beast or something, if you'd like. Though even having a ghost inhabit your house without you knowing would send someone running away.

Also, you should add some more emotion to the narrators speech, I mean, he had lost his kids and seems rather calm when speaking about it. Ok, took a few suggestions and implemented them. Maybe that will help a bit. I know it is still pretty predictable but it went the direction I wanted it to.