Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38758389-20190326213507/@comment-36627132-20190327012609

Spelling and Grammar Issues: First off, nostalgia is a feeling we get for things we remember, not a nickname so I suggest against calling things "nostalgias". "began playing form the speakers." that should be "from". Whenever someone speaks create a new paragraph. "Even if it killer me." that should be "killed". "and three Kirby’s appeared" remember, Kirby's = possessive, Kirbys = multiple.

Plot Issues: This has a ton of video game Creepypasta cliches, which I've listed below all the plot issues. On top of that this is way too similar to Sonic.exe and NES Godzilla.

Plot Issues: First off, the parents are stupid for just giving the kid money, ignoring the possibility of him buying a Kirby game. Here's an anachronism: you main character gets Kirby for his ninth birthday, the game was released in 1993. Then you say two years past and that the game store had  Fallout which wasn't released until 1997 which would have been four years later. On top of that you use the plural "games" when there wasn't even one yet.

Plot Issues Continued: The mother over reacts, but then again I can kind of see her point since the kid outright disobeyed her. That goes nowhere anyway. The game screenshots are in black and white when the NES was obviously a color console, it was the original Gameboy that was black and white. The NES could not handle the kind of graphics that figure shown in the picture. "After I finished eating, I opened my laptop and googled Kirby’s Lost Island." not in 1995 you wouldn't! Children weren't given serious pieces of technology like that back then. On top of that Google started in 1996.

Plot Issues: "and Monty was already sleeping" who the heck is Monty? "were written by each of the enemies in pen." not likely on the NES.

Cliche Count: Photoshopped images of the "game". The store not having the game the main character wants so he asks an employee and it just so happens that they have the cursed game. The cartridge looking different from the retail release. The title screen being black. The music being from an actual game, but altered. ". But there was no music. There weren’t any enemies, either." ripped right from Sonic.exe. The main character almost quitting before something happening. Broken text (likely inspired by BEN).

Cliche Count Part 2: The main character brushing something off as a glitch. "Two little red specks in the center of its eyes appeared." this is also common in lost episodes. Character does research on the game. The game freezes. Crying blood. Text on the screen of a character begging for help (obviously from Sonic.exe). The main character acting like an idiot over the game. Timing how long things happened. Distorted text. The game coming to life and affecting the player's lives.

All in all this is your typical game pasta that would most likely be deleted shortly after it is published. I do wish you luck on your next story, though.