Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27859657-20161211032420/@comment-29890158-20161211055559

There's too many issues with flow. Adjacent lines should have a similar number of syllables. Paragraphs #3, #5, and #7 begin with lines that have a low number of syllables and end with lines with too many syllables to have flow when matched with the previous lines.

Paragraphs #3, #5, #7 have too many lines to go along with the flow of a poem, and the word choice is not rhythmic.