Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475253-20151103022104/@comment-26475253-20151104013113

A-3 Loki wrote: Well, this will be my first exchange with you and I don't mind reviewing your story. Concerning the deletion, from what I read I'd say it could be the part where Will woke up in a lab or experiment room, which might fall into the Creepy Cliche:

Someone waking up in a lab or experiment chamber, an example of this is Papercuts (Aka The Failed Human Experiments)

Another reason may be the predicted ending, not that I'm saying the story's bad or anything, I just forecasted it from the context. Although, it could be the use of the overused phrase "what's up, doc," I spotted.

Anyway, I apologize for not doing my usual detailed grammar check, but my computer keeps timing me out for some reason, and I don't want to risk losing my reviews while I'm doing it - it's timed out twice during this. I hope this review helped somewhat, later. It's quite alright on the grammar check, Empy did a pretty good job on that and all that isn't fixed here is the periods at the end of the list items, which I was unaware were required. Never written a list for a story, so my bad on that one. As for the "What's up doc", I'm sure I only used that once, and in response to that. I considered adding a portion of having Dr. Wesson curing his wife with Will's blood and thanking him for his sacrifice, but that felt a little ooey-gooey for my purposes.

As for the cliche waking up in a lab, I figure that this was somewhat unique in the fact that he was overjoyed at being in the lab, for that time, anyways. I couldn't think of any other instance where Will's character would honestly have wound up in the lab besides being saved. At least, not to stay there, peaceably.