Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33904527-20190113014104/@comment-33904527-20190121222940

BloodySpghetti wrote: Just a Guy That Likes Creepypastas wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: The story jumps from scene to scene without any clear transitions, it kind of ruins the immersion. Try to make it less jumpy and confusing. You can't just switch perspectives; just try to be a true all knowing narrator with this story. Don't try to show us the events through the eyes of the characters.

Also, the story really feels like a bunch of standalone paragraphs at times. Try to connect the various points. Could you give some examples as to exactly where the points feel disconnected or where the transitions are unclear? Just to help me with editing.

Thanks. “Dad?” a small voice perked up below Gill.

It was Sam. Gill’s eyes welled up with happiness as he embraced his child, inching deeper and deeper into the lake.

“Daddy’s here, Samuel. Daddy’s here.” he whispered softly, stroking Sam’s blonde hair.

The water passed over Gill’s head, submerging him entirely.

“Alright, let’s get to work.” Alison said as she shut the car door firmly.

^ this is an example... the whole story is riddled with these I have put dashed lines where the scene changes to make the transitions more distinct. Would I be able to post the story now?