Talk:Empty (First Go)/@comment-25041416-20140620205027

Two things, one minor and one major.

Minor: You flip between past and present tense in the first few paragraphs. Was there a point at which you were experimenting with doing this in first person/present tense a la Bret Easton Ellis? :)

Major: Dude, you totally can't sell me the ending. It's *really really good* right up to the part where you...what happens there? Either you magically depopulate the earth or the narrator has died and is in hell, maybe? Either way it's a weak ending for some really strong writing.