Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26705150-20151231015431/@comment-26007602-20160104223920

Alright, so the first thing I noticed here was the real lack of build up. The first half of the story doesn't really have anything creepy going for it, until the point where Father Jacobs offers our narrator his house (because we as readers know shit is about to get real). If you were to include more information and shadiness behind Father Jacobs, that would do the story well, as he is underused in the story, and lacks any real horrific qualities, even though something should be "off" about him. Additionally, you start too many sentences with the word "But", which makes them grammatically incorrect and makes the reading choppy. I'd remove as many instances of those as you can.

Beyond that, there's not much I can say: it's a solid story. The faces were creepy, and while I would've like more description coming from them (are they infused with the wall? Fresh? Decrepit? In pain? Stuff like that), they still do the job well. You need more "Father Jacobs is creepy" and less "the church is good", as the latter doesn't really play into the story. Sure, all the work te protagonist does with the church is important in setting up te conflict, but it doesn't make the story creepier. Giving him a closer relationship with the Father could accomplish the same thing, while letting us see the creepier side of him.

That's all I've really got. Some stories I can't critique too much. Hope what's here helps!