Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25987073-20150210212109/@comment-24101790-20150210214250

For not meeting quality standards. Starting with smaller things, when giving the date you should add the suffixes (-st, -rd, -nd, etc.) I would also avoid using ellipses outside of dialogue to denote a 'dramatic pause' as it comes off as necessary when a period/comma serves the same purpose and doesn't come with the melodramatic nature of the dramatic pause.

Capitalization issues: days of the week (like Thursday) and months (like December) need to be capitalized. "all.” the (The) note..." Spacing issues: " then.I", "6:15.I", "work,I", "Mr.Phillips", "there,still", etc.

Punctuation issues: "I said to myself “My clock is broken.”" "Later that day my mom picked me up from school, (not needed) asking me how my day was.", "I said “Same old’ (apostrophe not needed) Same old’ (misplaced apostrophe).”" Apostrophes missing from words denoting possession: "parents(') door", "mother(')s room"

Wording/flow issues: "My mom was at work,I had a best friend named Jake." (How do those two relate, it they don't, you should put a period there as opposed to a comma.), "Minutes later my teacher, Mr.Phillips walked in the door, about 15 minutes after sitting at my desk listening to my teacher explain my lesson I heard a crunch outside, it scared me a little." "Additionally the sentence is a run-on sentence and should be broken up some.), "with handwriting that came from a computer," (typing that looked like it was hand-written), "My mother….dead on the her (sic) bed", "...my dad’s house for for (sic) care while the police investigated the crime scene."

The ending also comes off as anti-climactic/unfinished: "With a (an) old raspy voice he said two words “Always watching.”,(comma not needed) I never got another note again and I went on with my life as an orphan living with my Uncle Brendan and my Aunt Marguerite." Finally the story has some pretty large flow and build-up issues. The protagonist gets a note, his mom is murdered, and then his dad. There is little build-up or sense of tension to these events. You need to be more descriptive and try to distinguish your story apart from the dozens of other 'protagonist is stalked by a crazed killer' stories that we have on this wiki. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:42, February 10, 2015 (UTC)