Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33077235-20180925204000/@comment-33077235-20180925221056

L0CKED334 wrote: Simon Slaughters wrote: L0CKED334 wrote: Now as for the story itself, you had something good going (even though I don't like how it is constructed, I would completely rewrite this if it was mine). Then you get to the end and it just ruins it. His dad sent him there? I am asuming Mr. Demise is lying to him at this point, which you should point out to the reader somehow. Then he just bites him in half and leaves? And this sentence, "Leaving out of the window, the boy's dad screams in terror." You do realize that the way this is written it sounds like the boy's father is leaving out the window while screaming, right? Omg it does? lol look he's lying to his why eles would his dad be calling also I put He ruined my fun so that should be seperateing the two also think about what was said  “Son what’s going on in there?"  hinting he was in his room the whole time and everything that happend he was dreaming. Mr. Demise comes at night feeds fear into his vitcoms before he consumes them it makes them quite satiating for him. I had this whole story visually in my head and had to write it down. I understand that, but I probably would have got in out in notepad or some other text document before putting it up. I know this is a workshop and all but you need to have something to work with first. What are you talking about. That has nothing to do with what I just said.