Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24614845-20140618030404/@comment-24918243-20140618043758

It's not too long, but...

First off, you have it in bold. Remove the bold.

Then you have a lot of grammatical errors. You have some homonym errors. For example, you say "There" when it should be "They're". There are others as well. It seems to me that they are spell-check errors. Please keep in mind that using a spellchecker does not mean you don't have to proof your work

The stuttering adds nothing to the story. You stutter when you talk, not when you write or think. So only use it in dialog. I understand that it's part of the symptoms, but again, it should only be used in dialog.

Check your punctuation as well. You are missing some commas in some places and have some where they shouldn't be. You also have some weird sentences like " ...s kneeling on its boney. Knee’s looking right at me." So what's a "boney"? Knees looking?

Avoid using brackets. Also avoid using all caps, as it will get your story deleted.

You should really fix these things, because if you post them as an article, your story will be deleted.

I realize this is your fist story, so don't let all those comments discourage you. Just keep writing and proofreading and I know you will get better.