Talk:The Long List/@comment-5269370-20150728190908

Okay, first-off, the quality of writing in this story is top-notch. It's easy to understand yet at the same time it's dark and mysterious. I can feel an almost musty atmosphere emanating from the story. A notable example:

"He thought he could smell the grave on her breath as she murmured in his ear about the night her father had sold her to Diesel." - This is, simply put, magnificent. The best line in the story. My interpretation of this story is that discovering the Melissa somehow triggered a psychotic episode, perhaps developing into a psychotic illness, (the last few paragraphs seem to exactly reflect the delusions of somebody suffering from schizophrenia), and if that's true, this line incorporates three different forms of sensory hallucinations and does so very effectively.

This brings me into the plot. I thought this was very good. It was constructed especially well, it flowed very nicely and evenly, with a slow-gradual build-up that explodes into life towards the end reflecting his quick descent into madness. I especially loved his communication with Melissa and how she developed from a frightening opportunity of vengeance to a trusted source of apathetic murder. I also love Standler's self-reflection and his comparison of that to Hamlet (how all characters could see the Ghost. Very well done.

I guess if I had any criticism of this story it would probably be that there is a lack of twist or shock factor, or any one line that completely stands out beyond how well it is written. As I said, everything flows smoothly and develops gradually, but for me, there's no real aspect of the plot that kinda jumps out at you, outta the blue.

Considering that, this is a brilliant story. It differs as well as it's finally a cop story (on this site) that isn't drowned in blood and gore. It's distinct. Very good job, Humboldt.

I give this 8.4/10.