Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25091096-20140622041640/@comment-24918243-20140624004811

I really liked this pasta. Thanks to my deep love of mythology I guessed it was Lilith, even before I read your post.

Here are my suggestions:

Use "fruit" instead of apple. The Bible says it's the "Fruit of Knowledge of good and Evil". It is also commonly called the "Forbidden Fruit". Associating it with an apple is a relatively recent thing. I could go on as to why that happened, but I really don't want to go into that long story here.

Second, I think you should lose the 100 children bit and leave it an undisclosed number. That way it sounds a bit more believable and will keep the ambiguity going.

Last but not least, there are a lot of people out there who don't know the legend of Lilith. So just to make sure you hook them, maybe you should end your story her signing as "your first wife, Lilith" or something similar.

Also, I think it's very appropriate that Lilith sound like she is of Afro decent, since scientific evidence tends to point more and more that the human species did start out in Africa in the first place.