Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27001634-20150921010436/@comment-26921530-20150927010231

I'm not the best person to critique stories, but to give some advice that hasn't been given is:

-Show don't Tell. You do a lot of telling in the story,

"He hated that he caused him pain by just existing, that he was lying to him about not only how he felt but about his own life... which in reality, was a lie. "

-There are too many shallow descriptions of the main character.

In the beginning you painstakingly describe his appearance when you just could have said, "He was attractive."

I hope I enriched you in some way good luck...