Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37482493-20190303051640/@comment-36627132-20190303060135

Spelling and Grammar Issues: "On the official website a customer review came up with a txt. file" that should be a ".txt" not "txt.". "The Second rumor" "second" did not need capitalized. "The third rumor was about a mothers son" that should be "mother's son", remember mothers = multiple, mother's = possessive. On top of that "The third rumor was about a mothers son who found the assistant talking to him while he was passing by the computer while his mother was in the bathroom." this is awkwardly worded.

Spelling and Grammar Issues Continued: "The face was red x’s for eyes " that would be "xes" not "x's" as xes = multiple x, x's possessive. "The avatar said in two weeks his mom and he" that should be "he and his mother". "The Fourth and final rumor was about the owners old best friend" first off, "fourth" did not need capitalized, second it should be "owner's" not "owners". Again s = plural 's = possessive. On top of all this, the story is awkwardly worded in a lot of places.

Plot Issues: "PearPal" sounds like a rip-off of PayPal. This story feels more like a summary than an actual story, try fleshing it out. The concept of a seemingly harmless app that turns out to be malicious software is nothing new. The Talking Angela app was subjected to rumors that it was created by a pedophile who was secretly recording, tracking, and getting personal information from its underaged users. In real life we had Bonzi Buddy, a purple monkey "virtual assistant" desktop app which collected users' info. There are also countless "helpful" apps which turn out to be riddled with viruses, maleware, and spyware. Also this is your second story in a row involving (an) animal(s) being harmed.

Plot Issues Continued: Ok, so a guy is tracked for weeks, knows about it, and doesn't call the police or hire any kind of protection. Then he puts a text file in the review section which most likely would not be allowed. People probably wouldn't get suspicious over it being immediately pulled as it could have possibly been a smear campaign. And as for the part in the second rumor, why would the website keep a page about tracking its users, that would be incriminating.

Plot Issues Continued: "according to the news nobody named Paul Redcap is real." did the newspaper do a story about this? "The dog died with almost every person who downloaded the assistant." so thousands and thousands of people are killed and there isn't some nation wide manhunt? "Some say somebody still has the file for PearPal even after it was deleted." so is going to be killed?