Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-6822927-20190324172709/@comment-6822927-20190324190429

Knew there were some issues with the grammar.

As for the main character disrespecting his mother... she’s not exactly supposed to be a likable character. The point here is that she’s making him do something against his will while she goes off to have fun, using him to boost her image. Also, who randomly gives an old man their leftover chicken?

Ryan is a little rude, but his father did run off when he was five and his mother’s very controlling. He’s got issues. Though, I did try and have the disrespect steadily leave when Ryan overheard the dinner party, when he realizes how lonely Winslow is.

As for the bully confrontation, that’s basically Stephen King inspired. Course, the point is he attacks the bullies but finds himself not at all enjoying what he just did. Also, when they attack, it’s meant to interrupt the dinner, which in turn leads to the ghosts of his family and best friend leaving and never coming back.

I will admit, I dislike writing Randy when he’s being a little shit. He’s basically meant to be a stereotypical bully, an asshole who uses fear to get what he wants and likes hurting others. But I do like the bit where he gets enraged at Ryan pointing out his dad is in jail. Adds depth to his character and made him more interesting.

I don’t exactly consider this story traditional horror so much as a ghost story about a boy seeing how sad and lonely a mentally unstable old man is, so much so he has dinner with his deceased friend and family for company. It’s not meant to be scary so much as it is sad. It was actually inspired by a Lord Dunsany story with a similar premise.

Yes, this is supposed to be a morals story, but it’s meant to be one about how difficult it is to let go of the people you love and move on. Ryan has to deal with his father leaving him at a young age with a controlling mother. Winslow doesn’t want to let go of the people he loves and is sad and broken because of it. Randy’s issues with his own father have made him an irresponsible, entitled shithead.

To be honest, I honestly liked writing some parts which relied more on show don’t tell but there’s a definite problem with the flow of the narrative. Would that affect the pacing? I also consider this part of a larger mythos series, focusing on a world of supernatural occurrences, some scary, some not.