Talk:Evasion of a Dream/@comment-24663162-20150405050815

Absolutely great. Fantastic Imagery and suspense. You had a bit of trouble keeping me until the last few paragraphs in the apartment, though.

A few minor notes: You should try to refrain from using idioms such as "like a bat out of hell." It reads comical, not creepy.

There was some unnesecary description, i.e. "the view was in first person" the reader has already assumed that. No need for it. If you were to suddenly be removed from your body, that would require said description.

7.5 Pasty Sinkhole-Eye Doppleganger Demons/10