Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26227173-20150320210217/@comment-25941663-20150321104040

First of all, you need to fix the formatting/spacing of your story. There's no need to indent your paragraphs and you should cut the double-space line between your two paragraphs. Most importantly, you should break up your paragraphs a bit. Currently, they are two walls of text.

I think this line: "... it doesn't matter in this story." should be removed. It doesn't add anything to the story.

You use commas way to much. Usually, before the word 'and' a comma isn't necessary. Also, sometimes your sentences drag on a bit too long. For example: "I continue to just type away on the assignment, that was until that noise came again, this time, it was different, but seemingly closer than before." This sentence could have been easily broken up to 2-3 smaller sentences.

"until felt someone watching me" -> "until I felt someone watching me"

"I had that feeling, more and more." This sentence is a bit awkward. Consider revising it.

"whatever was directly behind me, just staring." This could have been: "whatever was directly behind me; staring at me." or something else.

" but warm blanket" did you mean to write " my warm blanket"?

" I saw someone, wearing a heavy coat, and a ski mask, make a dash out of my room, and jolted and the stairs, and before I could react, I heard the front door rip open, I just stood there, I processed what had happened, and out of complete and utter terror, ran down to the entry way." This is way too long, consider breaking it up.

"don't just assume that its the house" -> "don't just assume that it's the house"

The part starting with "This isn't supposed to be some sort of story" isn't needed. I think the story would've been better off without it.