Talk:That Moon of Mine/@comment-26030957-20171031191029

WEREWOLF CONTEST RESULTS:

An action packed weird werewolf western! Loved it. Really great story here.

NARRATIVE HOOK/INCITING INCIDENT: A rough-and-tumble gunslinger has been called to a small town by a man of questionable repute. Good, clear, starts right away, perhaps a bit cliché but I think that’s the point. 9.

ORIGINALITY: A werewolf western, I’m sure it’s been done, but it’s pretty new to me. Werewolves trying to destroy a silver mine, I’d say that’s pretty damn original. 10.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Good. They each had their own personalities and quirks. Clemence with his limp and pistol with one empty chamber. Timid Randal in his fine furs and sneaky treacherous ways. Perhaps a touch cliché but round and real nonetheless. 9.

DIALOGUE: Great. The back and forth between Randal and Clemence amusing, revealed character and moved the narrative along. 9.

EXECUTION: Well written, nice pacing, good flow. I didn’t notice and spelling mistakes at all. The research put into the workings of the silver mine was obvious and a very nice touch. Not sure about the term “unsettler.” I suppose this would mean one who unsettles, or unnerves. But “settler” means a pioneer and the only use of the word I can find is the title to a book about off-grid anti-pioneers. There was a comma between “gunslinger’s” and “grip” that shouldn’t have been there. “arms length” should be “arm’s length.” “five hundred dollar” is a compound adjective modifying “reward” and should be hyphenated as so: “five-hundred-dollar reward.” But those are all pretty minor flaws and I’m going to give this a 9 for execution.

ENDING/DENOUMENT: Nice twist at the end there, and then with the last line another little twist. Everything is more or less wrapped up. Good job there. 9

OVERALL CREEPINESS: Well, it wasn’t really creepy or scary. More of a pulp western with supernatural elements than a horror story. Even the brutal fight scene felt more like action/adventure than something terrifying. Which isn’t a bad thing at all. That’s just the nature of this story. And it’s a great story. But creepiness was a stated criteria, so I have to rate it. 5.

FINAL SCORE: 60 out of 70