Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32964261-20170318190719/@comment-31073921-20170318221939

Ok - First off some advise.

Don't use crimson to describe blood. Get rid of the last line - that's a cliche that doesn't help the story, just hurts it. And so, rename the story. Nowwww onto the system.

SCARE
The horror is definitely present during the story, and welly done. There are a few moments of gaps but it was overall ok.

7/10

STYLE
The style of the story was just meh. I liked the way it transitioned but still just gives us little to work with. I'm not saying it's bad but it just doesn't come off as amazing.

6/10

PACE
The progression was a key thing you hit here. I liked the slow and fast parts you added in, and key elements really helped the story progress.

4/5

WRITING
Here's where your money's at. The overall writing of the story was really good, the beginning to end (Excluding the last line of course). There was minimal times you formatted something off, or made a bland sentence. Good job on that.

9/10

TWIST
Honestly, I didn't expect the twist. It may have seemed as a regular twist, but the way the story was heading I thought 'Bye Bye boyo'. The twist really was good, the ending being one of my favorite parts. Another good job here.

4/5

OVERALL
Overall you made a pretty decent and standard story. I liked many parts in it, but nothing made it stand out. I can't assure that It'll be 100% accepted, but I would defend it if it was contested for deletion.

3/5

TOTAL
33/50

Which I think would be a pretty good story in my notes. In other words, good job. Kudos - Lucid