Talk:1999/@comment-26054278-20150512001810

Over the course of the time I've been here, there has been a lot of praise for this one pasta. Sure, every now and then a voice of discontent arrives to explain their negative opinion, but for the most part, this pasta was regarded as pretty great. Many people view the story as one of the best on the site and a good Lost Episode pasta.

Unfortunately enough, I don't see eye to eye with those people.

There is a lot of story I have to get through, so I suppose I won't waste much more time.

The plot revolves around Elliot, who remembers watching a local show in Caledon that was filled with some disturbing information. Remembering the show years later, Elliot has set out to find the truth behind what really happened.

To be honest, this is a pretty good idea for a plot. Actually, the plot really does work for the first half of the story. The episodes are kind of disturbing (although nothing too over-the-top yet) and the story has a reason as to why as opposed to simply being "mysterious" or created for no reason.

Although the details of why this "Mr. Bear" character broadcasts is at first unknown, it makes complete sense once it is revealed. While some of the material is a bit graphic and could easily give the person away (which it eventually did, to the credit of the author) the broadcast at least makes sense when "Mr. Bear" is revealed to be luring the children by leaving the address on the show. So far, so good.

The main character Elliot appears to be logical and intelligent. He isn't a genius or anything, but he is certainly competent and doesn't immediately freak out over every little detail/email sent to him. It makes him seem like a real person, which I can admire. "Mr. Bear" can be kind of creepy at times, and the other characters aren't really fleshed out, but as they are more minor, they don’t really need it.

Anyway, although I don’t really like the Lost Episode bits themselves, the context of the twisted person creating them adds to the story, similar to how the insanity helped The Black Friday Incident. However, my big problem with this story is something that I don’t think too many people will agree with me on: The fact that the story keeps getting updated.

Now, let me try and explain. The story pretty much wrapped itself up after he received the email from Mr. Bear, telling how happy he was for his visit. Actually, it could have been done after Elliot says he didn’t find anybody in the pipes and simply concludes that this even was a mystery, with the email from Mr. Bear proving that somebody is still watching him. Still not a perfect pasta, but a pretty great one.

The problem is that the story just keeps going on, and on, and on until we know every single detail. If the author had stopped earlier when we pretty much knew everything that was going on, it would be fine. However, the author insists that he needs to know every little detail and every single, insignificant little fact, which includes hammering in points that the reader already knew from the previous blog posts. It is pointless, sometimes pretty boring, and just simply not needed.

I didn’t find the apparent “hack” of his account by Mr. Bear creepy because Elliot immediately dismisses it and nothing happens except more of the same, predictable, boring stuff from before. Maybe if Elliot had ended the story after that hack, it would have still been good, but the fact that it literally ruins every opportunity to make a satisfying ending is what really drags this pasta down so much.

While Abandoned by Disney had a terrible ending, at least the majority of it was great and it was barely boring. This story only has the first half of it being great and the other half being a predictable bore-fest.

On another minor issue, this person uses parenthesis wrong. Here is just two of the many examples:

I said in a deep, serious tone (Trying to sound as badass as possible) I pulled out my cell phone.

I neared a small clearing in which I could see 3 adequately sized logs gathered around a black, charred area (Showing a small fire had been lit there recently.)

The first sentence is wrong because the first letter in the parenthesis is capitalized. It should only be capitalized if there is a complete sentence in the parenthesis, which these is not.

<p class="MsoNormal">The second sentence is wrong not only because the first letter in the parenthesis is capitalized, but also because the period should be outside of the parenthesis. The period is only inside the parenthesis if the sentence inside is complete.

<p class="MsoNormal"> <p class="MsoNormal">Therefore, although I can’t call this a good pasta, I can’t say it was really below-average or bad. Even if half of the ride was a mess, I’m glad I read the first half. 5/10.

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<p class="MsoNormal">Check out more of my critiques here: My Critiques