Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26400131-20150709042421/@comment-24101790-20150709043440

It was not up to quality standards for a number of wording, punctuation, capitalization, and story issues:

Wording: Awkward phrasing "Safe typing and reading the very words upon the screen?", "However, so far nothing to result in murder until I received case file 47-k(period missing)", "Victim was teenage female.", "however the man photo was only 2 seconds long.". You're=you are, your=possession. "I see you're (your) room", "I'll be at you're (your) place", etc

Capitalization issues: programs like Snapchat should be capitalized "snapchat" (Snapchat). "oh (Oh) no!!", "5 (Five) minutes pass..." .

Punctuation: "How was I supposed to know that the real world and cyberspace can collide in the deep web.(?)" Even rhetorical questions need a question mark. Hyphens missing from words directly impacting each other "low level" Apostrophes missing from words denoting possession. "victim(')s hand.", "girl(')s obsession", "victims house", etc. Sentences missing periods and commas. "Upon inspection(comma) I turned the phone on and the little apple with a bite mark appeared(period) I guess signaling it was on.", "-picture of nothing(.)", all of the listed items need punctuation.

Story: The police report does not feel like one and has a number of issues. "Death was caused by blood force trauma (blunt force trauma) to the head caused by unknown object." The transcript of the 911 call also has issues: "(muffles)" is not descriptive enough to be left in a parenthetical. Muffled screams, muffled breathing, muffled crying? "Victim/ unknown: (footsteps) phone becomes unhooked......" Is the victim saying that? Why is the action written as if it were dialogue? Finally, how is the killer sending Snaps so fast to the victim? (It's a lengthy process to write messages and record video, and to do all of that while following a victim and breaking into their house seems improbable.