Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10502460-20180414090245/@comment-10502460-20180415020945

JohnathanNash wrote: I wrote a review about this, but it didn't get posted. So here is the condensed version.

You have a few typos, missing an e on the, missing spaces after commas, little things like that.

The story, I have to agree with Bloody, is kind of bland. There's nothing really scary about it, but it does have potential. If you made one of the monsters vanish after talking to Timmy, to show that there is some serious problems there, it would make it a littler creepier. Also, you tell a lot more than show. You tell how Timmy is feeling, about the set, about everything. Show some things. Have one of the monster's elbows hit the backdrop to show it's cardboard. Things like that.

Also, a few stories that you may want to read to get a good idea of how something that is boring could be written well, or how to build tension, are: Father Wakes the Village. The Lottery, and A Good Man is Hard to Find. The last two are very dark, but it takes a while for them to take their dark turns. They are really good at hooking you in. Father Wakes the Village is about getting ice for some water, that's it. It could be the most boring story ever, but the way it is written is great and it can show so much more than what I could give advice for.

let me know if you need help with pointing out some of the things, I wrote a bunch more the first time, but it's gone and I don't feel like rewriting it.

Ugh, I hate when that happens. Oh well, thanks for the feedback and if you ever get the energy again to retype what you wrote the first time I'd be interested to hear it.