Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24248644-20150115223237/@comment-26007602-20150117215401

Let's get down to it. One of the more noticeable detractors of the story is the grammar. The first sentence, "I sent on an important business trip," puts the reader off and makes them already question the story because of how erroneous it is (I was sent on an important business trip.). There are numerous spelling errors as well (supersiticous, pluuging, to name a couple) that need to be fixed as well. Run this through a word processor to catch the errors and let your reader take the story more seriously.

I'm sorry to say that the whole plot isn't very interesting or creepy either. The whole concept of an "evil tunnel" could be done much better, and I encourage you to develop a different premise around it. As it stands, a man being caught in a tunnel and hearing scratching isn't very rewarding. The waitress being unnecessarily vague and distant wen asked about the tunnel is also a by clichéd and laughable. The ending itself with "marks on the inside" makes no real sense, as it seems that the creature was trying to get out of the car, which begs the question why was it in there in the first place?

Try to have more build up to the tunnel, more so than some waitress casually mentioning it. The whole tunnel needs to be more creepy as well; I suggest having multiple creatures attack the man, have it loop, or have the tunnel lead him into another dimension of sorts. That's all I can currently think of.

As the story currently is, there are multiple issues that really hinder it and would keep it off the site. Fix the grammar and try to make the plot more interesting and creepier and it should be fine!