Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26008088-20170904045345/@comment-29652084-20170904053830

This is... bad.

First off, spelling and grammar. Put it through a spell checker, and keep these things in mind:


 * Start a new paragraph when there's a new speaker.
 * Avoid run-on sentences.
 * PERIODS ARE A THING. YOU KNOW THIS. USE THEM.

Stop changing tenses. Past tense or present tense. Pick one and stick with it. There's no natural dialogue here, no meat on the story, and it's hardly a plot. I can't just feel sympathy for a fictional unnamed character JUST because it's a child. Google some writing resources and read the Style Guide and Writing advice blogs.

Certainly you can do a lot better than this.