Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24946232-20140704022942/@comment-9967354-20140704134316

Actually, the phrase is 'Wake up in a cold sweat', not a sticky one. And the bird had not eaten any of its feed. And you've used its and it's wrong. There's a difference. It's = it is. Its = possessive. There are a LOT of spelling and punctuation errors here. I This story needs to be proofread.

Other than that, I'm not sure if I'm neutral towards the story, or find it rather cliched. It is sort of rushed. At least it seems like because of the way you've written it. It doesn't have much of a build-up for the same reason. Maybe, without adding unnecessary detail to your story to make it seem less rushed, you could do this:

Start with the visit from your relatives. In direct speech, make them tell you the thing about the chicken. Then delve into the story. You can begin with, ''it was true. And nobody knew it as well as me...'' I don't think you've overused ellipses as such, but some of your statements could do without them. Delve into the story, keeping it brief and to the point, because here your primary focus is the chicken, and the readers know this. Then get back to the present and resume.

Also, I think you should cut the ending. Maybe you could write about how the narrator can hear rustling feathers sometimes, and maybe even now. He can't tell because it could be his mind playing tricks on him or his ears ringing.

That's my suggestion, but I suppose it changes quite a bit of the original story. It's alright if you don't use it, of course, but do change the style of narration. It seems a bit bland to me.