Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24976741-20140524171722/@comment-24976741-20140524175113

Resident DeVir wrote:

I think you should add more, as what you've posted so far is just something creepy happening, and you don't go into detail about the impact it had on the narrator other than saying she now has issues. For that matter, you should give the character more of an identity; what's the point of telling us her name and age if she's just going to be some random person anyway?

Also, the narrator said that it wasn't PTSD that made her feel the way she does, but instead of elaborating on this, she just goes on to tell us her story, and it's never brought up again.

The story generally lacks aspects to make it different from a number of other stories on this wiki, now that I look at it. I just think it follows a formula of making something random and inexplicable happen to a completely uneventful, one-dimensional person, and although this is the premise for many good stories, you don't really do anything new with it.

Give the narrator more of an identity, give us some examples of how her everyday life is affected by the eyes, add some subtle bits about the cat seeming/acting strange, make the story longer. Try thinking up something you could add to the story that makes it original and unlike anything this wiki already has.

Thank you for the advice. I never thought of actually turning this into a full story in fact this is only my second creepy pasta. I could explain what happends during those 3 weeks though. The fact that she mention insomnia was very significant to the story. Coming up with it happening for 3 weeks was just a random number, but after looking up insomnia finding out that is a sleep disorder that lasts up to around 3 weeks putting 2 and 2 together it just work. This means during those 3 weeks (minusing the first day) she was suffering from lack of sleep seeing more and more eyes over the time. As for the cat no changes there it was just there to show that the darkness could turn anything thats innocent or sweet into something vicious and fearsome.