Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27007772-20150602054247/@comment-24101790-20150602222317

I'll let Banning handle the story aspect while I point out issues that I found to be on the lookout for.

I noticed some formatting errors:

"Joseph Kaufman knelled before the statue of mother Mary, grasping a rosary in his hand. He'd stayed a few minutes after Sunday service for a special prayer. In his silent

prayer, he'd considered the events just over a year and a month ago.",

"Her question was answered when Joseph jogged past her and towards the door, feet hitting the stone walkway with a loud shock wave. Nearly sprinting towards his house, Natalie

saw him simply open the door. She caught up to him and ran inside, as he closed the door behind her, locking it.",

"We're going to leave the lights off so nothing can see we are here. You've been here enough that I hope you remember the layout of my house. I'm going to get a knife in the

kitchen. Upstairs my father has a pistol for self defense. We get in the car again, with protection, and get out of here like we said before.", ETC.

Capitalization: ""Joseph, I didn't think you would come today!" She (she) said rather softly.", ""Must have been a prank. No one is on the other side." He (he) said, rather distracted.", etc. After dialogue, unless it is a completely new sentence or a proper noun, it shouldn't be capitalized. (even if you ended with a period, question mark, exclamation point, etc.) "of. he (He) grabbed it with his right hand..."

Punctuation: ""I know(,/.)" She (she) said, smiling.", "I would have rather died by you than any of our other options(,/.)" she said shyly". When looking over everything, make sure dialogue and sentences have punctuation. "Jackson's body fell to it's knees," (its)

Wording: "surprisingly aggressively." should be "surprisingly aggressive." Avoid using two adjectives like that. "what did it due (do) to Jackson?", "I could break the glass and (and?) such, causing you to exit faster and safer due to phobia abuse." (awkward wording with "phobia abuse".)

I think the best method for catching these issues would be to look over the story and read it aloud to yourself. I know it'll take a while, but it really helps for catching those types of errors. (Especially awkward phrasing and run-on sentences.) I do it with all my stories to resolve issues. (Even the novellas) I hope this helped.