Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34784568-20180222193030/@comment-32764586-20180222224440

Before I get into this I just have to say, try to break up the lines a bit. I clicked on this page and WHAM!!! Wall of text right there.

The second thing is that the grammar and sentence structure in this story isn't very good. I don't want to sound all mean and grumpy, but it kind of hurts the eyes to read. There aren't any commas to break up the sentences, meaning the run-ons in this are plentiful. There are also a lot of grammar mistakes as well. I recommend you proofread and use Microsoft Word and Grammarly to go over your stories.

As for the story, I don't think it really works. As far as I can see it is very rushed and not developed at all. And yes, I mean as far as I can see. I can't read this whole thing because again, the structure and grammar is a bit of a mess. To be honest I would scrap this project altogether. I don't want to sound rude, but it is pretty clear to me you put minimal effort into this. The next story you write, try to make it readable.