Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4079896-20150118191113/@comment-24101790-20150118200944

Wording errors: ""Stare at this closely. Cause (Because) when you do, you're next!"", " So I rushed downstairs and I saw a dark figure looking at me with knifes aimed at me, like he was going to throw them at me." (Redundancy with "at me"), "When the police eventually show up with their guns locked on Boris, Boris has the power enough to survive all of the gun wounds given by the police officers, and then fights the present police officers in the room." (Redundancy, phrasing issues, lack of effective description.) "Later that, night Boris gets out of bed and goes to his parent's room, where they are sleeping, gets several knifes, and cuts his arm and rubs it all over his face, which causes his overly sensitive eyes to burn out and become empowered with supervision."

Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "it's hand". Capitalization errors: "it (It) involved a kid in a dark room..."

Cliches. "You're next", teen self mutilates with little to no reason. "Later that, night Boris gets out of bed and goes to his parent's room, where they are sleeping, gets several knifes, and cuts his arm and rubs it all over his face, which causes his overly sensitive eyes to burn out and become empowered with supervision. ", " Then he burns off his nose with a flamethrower, and then stretches his mouth so much it tears apart a little bit, and then sticks knifes into his skin which makes him a permanent smile, and breaks all of his teeth with a sledgehammer."

The ending: "Then his parents see his new look when waking up, and then (redundancy) he sets off a bomb in his home as he exits the house with his controller, and runs off into the distance, and the house explodes with his parent's head flying all over the place." Also, did his parents just stand around and wait for the bomb to go off after waking up to their Jeff the Killer-esque son? The ending seems like something that would be in a troll pasta. "...his parent's head flying all over the place" The story really isn't up to quality standards.