Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24124694-20150409052043

This is my first Creepypasta which I wrote last year. I'm posting it here for some critique.

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You go to your son's room. He's been asleep for longer than usual. Even on Saturdays he'll be instantly up and running.

But today, something is wrong. Horribly wrong.

As you walk into your son's room, you notice it appears to be awfully quieter than usual. There's no loud music playing. The TV isn't on.

Your son is laying in bed...except his eyes and mouth are wide open. You feel his chest. No breath. No heartbeat.

Horrified and upset, you take your son's body to emergency room at the doctor's. He's been a fairly healthy child. He has no allergies, and he rarely got sick. So what happened?

The doctors perform an autopsy. They can find nothing abnormal. He has no sign of cancer cells, and his brain appears to have been working just fine, as is his heart and lungs.

"It's like he was just unplugged," the doctors say.

You think back to yesterday. You remember your son getting in trouble at school for pretending to have a bomb in his backpack. But what does this have to do with your son's sudden death?

It's the night after your son's funeral. You can't sleep. You have too many questions, and absolutely no answers.

Suddenly, you hear a knock at your door. You go to answer it.

It's a priest from the church. He's wearing a long black robe, and carrying a bible beneath his sleeve.

You let him in and give him coffee. While chatting with him at the table, you end up telling him, through tears, about your son and what happened.

The priest asks if your son did anything of interest the day before.

You tell the priest of the bomb threat at school. He stares solemnly, keeping completely silent until your story is over. Finally he raises his hand.

"Your son has made God angry," the priest says, in a voice as calm as a pond on a clear day. "So God has taken him." 