Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-12695236-20170121214104

Hey guys! So this is my section for the CWP. Please could I have some feedback on it. Thanks guys!

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The night was quiet.

Janet Thompson hurriedly made her way towards the lake in her fiance's blue cadillac, disturbing the peaceful atmosphere. She was cautious and hoped that she didn't look suspicious tearing through the winding roads on a night like this.

The pale moonlight illuminated the lake. The water was still. The cadillac pulled up near the shore, spraying dirt as it came to a stand still. Janet pushed open the car door, kicking it with her heels as she pulled herself up from within. There she stood, lighting up a cigarette as she gazed at the fading sunset. Lights began to appear dotted around the town. It was getting dark rapidly.

Then the noise started.

Janet jumped, dropping her cigarette and quickly crushing it into the soil. She looked at the trunk of the car and her eyes widened. She stood dead still, trying to determine the source of the noise. The banging continued.

“Ross, baby?” She asked.

Dull murmuring could be heard, filling Janet with concern. He had woken up. She flung open the back door of the car and searched for anything to help rid herself of this problem. She reached under the seats and found a few receipts and a half eaten apple that had been left there by that hideous girl Betty. She kept searching and eventually felt the crowbar that she stole from her fiance's garage.

She slammed the door shut and hurried to the trunk of the car. Upon opening it, she was greeted with her boyfriend's bloodied face and bloodshot eyes. He stared at her, bound in rolls and rolls of gaffer tape. She stared back, pulling up her silk gloves as she prepared herself.

“Ross, baby? You gotta be quiet now ok?”

Looking around to see if nobody was present, she raised the crowbar and brought it down with force onto his head repeatedly. After quite some time, Ross's life had slipped away and his head was nothing more than a red mess. Janet reached into the trunk and grabbed Ross's legs, struggling to pull him out. With enough effort, she removed him and he fell to the ground with a large thud. She dragged him along the soil. It wasn't long before her right heel wedged into the ground and sent her stumbling backwards. Focused on her task, she didn't bother to put the heel back on.

The sun had nearly set now. Janet could barely lift him but with enough effort, she was able to toss him into the lake. He sank like a pebble. The force of his body created ripples in the water and she watched as they dispersed. She began to wander back towards her car, relieved that the only thing standing between her dream of Hollywood stardom and herself was now disposed of. She pondered over what she would do when she got to LA. Who would she meet first? What movies would she star in? All this ran through her mind when out of nowhere, she heard movement in the water behind her.

Janet span around and was shocked to see absolutely nothing. She continued up the slope and onto the soil, retrieving her heel that had lodged itself into the ground. While struggling to remove it, the water began to churn violently. That's when she looked over and saw something moving in the water. She recognised the jet black hair and chequered shirt.

Janet looked on in horror as the supposed love of her life hurriedly swam through the lake. He crawled through the shallow water and raised himself onto his own two feet. He stared at her like an eagle hunting its prey. Janet's eyes widened in fear. She let go of the heel and stood up ready to run. Ross screamed at the top of his lungs and began sprinting towards her. Janet turned and booked it towards the cadillac. She could hear him making his way up the slope. Janet flung open the door and turned the keys as fast as she could. Ross came into view.

“Ross! Please! Ross! Don't be angry! You really ne-” Janet was greeted with a scream and her beloved abruptly stopped in front of the car. “Ross! Get away!”

Ross extended his right arm and opened the palm of his hand wide. Without warning, Janet slumped back into the chair, her eyes sinking into the back of her skull. All life began to drain from within her. She breathed so shallow. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. She could merely listen and do nothing as she was rapidly beginning to realise what she was and what she had done. An immense pain erupted in her chest. Blood began trickling out of her mouth and down her chin, landing on her blue silk dress. Suddenly, a luminescent blue ball of light began to force its way up from her chest. The light could be seen through her pale skin as it forced its way out of her system. It shot up through her throat and out of her mouth before flying into Ross's hands.

Janet was dead.

He stood overlooking her soulless, lifeless body. Ross walked back to the lake, carrying the very essence of Janet in his hand. He swam to the middle before disappearing below the surface.

The night was quiet once again.

  