Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27422558-20160516200012/@comment-26007602-20160516204222

Read this.

Your poem lacks substance. There's no depth, story, flow, rhyme, or rhythm. All you're doing is describing a monster. You can't expect people to find that scary or interesting, because it simply isn't either of those things by itself. There's no story here, nothing to engage the reader. All you've done is string together a bunch of sentences/sentence fragments and call it poetry. You need flow in a poem; you need meter and rhythm.

The monster itself is sorely lacking in description as well as being fairly generic. I'm not saying you have to design the most original beast out there, but you need to at least do something with it. I think you're better off trying to write a story with this monster in it than dedicating a poem to it.