Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26007602-20150201230613/@comment-25907694-20150203025710

You're welcome, it was a well written story Whit. I actually really never picked up that the monsters were synonymous with types of suicide. I mean, now that you say it, it makes total sense. But, i was lost in that world and trying to think about ways the story would go. Nice symbolism though!

The dialogue marks are up to you, however, it did throw me off for a bit at first, until i realized it was some dialogue between someone and he/she's therapist.

Justifications, i kind of provided a dumb reason as to why you chose it, heh. Does make sense now that you explain it.

I really liked the descriptions of the monsters, and now that you mention there was another one, it would've been nice to include? You could be right and it might get repetitive, however, if you want to go along with the symbolism ending, then perhaps you could. Or you could just omit the word sloth, whatever. You could always introduce the monster even more unique ish, maybe a human comes along and the main girl character sees this person fight this thing. Something like that.

The gender thing, i don't really know if it was or wasn't a nice twist. Didn't really know what to think for a minute there, it would have been really neat, if you could've had me second guessing myself about other things, thinking back about it. But, hmmm, i would probably keep it i guess, it was sort of, ah, i dont know. I think it keeps in the same style to the story, something like that. Also, most stories have main characters as males, so i guess it makes this story have a different feel to it, if that makes sense.

I've never read dogscape, i should catch up on that.

Trying to think back on the story, and i guess, probably, whenever the girl mentioned that if she saw another person, she would kill them to see their blood, i thought that was maybe too strong. I dont know,  maybe she would make them feel intense pain, i don't know about killing them. It's not a huge deal though, choice is yours, whether you feel it's a worthy suggestion.


 * D