Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25975226-20150114054827/@comment-28938497-20150114151611

I like the twist. Good use of building up assumptions and then smashing them to bits.

But repeated/similar phrases ('Make sure I wasn't seen' 'and risk being seen'), questionable word choice ('frequented in my mind') and choppy sentences make me think this is a first draft, and a rushed first draft at that. I recommend reading through it slowly, and adding a bit of meat to the bones.

Overall, a fairly sturdy little story with some potential. The suspence is built up sufficiently without making the story drag on, and the ending has punch, but yeah, I recommoend a complete redrafting, just to polish it up.