Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27601436-20160123194604/@comment-26364137-20160124163904

I think this story has potential. I really liked the description of the book, and the plot kept me intrigued. However; it needs to be worked on.

FIrst of all: it's a wall of text - you should break it into paragraphs. This will make your text more comfortable to read.

There are also a few errors, listed some that I found:

1. Just, the librarian with his creepy grin sorting... - remove the comma.

2. ''Just kept starring at me, grinning. - ''staring instead of starring.

3. ''"Well, what is you're going to write Mark?" - ''rewrite this line.

4. I took the pen, opened the ink jar, and began to write my name in the notebook, Mark... ...I didn't bother to write my name because of this bastard. - if he had already written his name, this sentence makes no sense.

As for the writing itself and the story; the last half seemed a bit rushed to be honest. I think the story is a tad short, the ending being a bit too vague for my taste, leaving many loose threads. The librarian could for instance explain the purpose of the book and how he is involved with it. I think this will help the story to gain more depth and therefore be more enjoyable, but this is of course only a suggestion. I would also have introduced the librarian a bit earlier in the story, maybe even adding a short dialogue between them, building up the tension.

I hope this helps and that you will keep working on the story, because as I said; it has potential.

Good luck!