Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20160610170146/@comment-25024572-20160613161807

Thanks for the comment, compliment, and advice. I've actually written another draft, with some minor changes based on what you said. Really, it's just some cleaning up and adding a few jokes.

Also, if you're curious about the Riffs, I've got a link to them on my profile page (or whatever you call it. I'd like to call it Johnny).

Anyway, without any further ado, here's draft 2:

PSA:

[The following is a script of sorts for a PSA]

INT. ROOM

A MAN walks in.

MAN: Hi, I’m a celebrity that most young people know.

The words “DWAYNE “THE ROCK” JOHNSON” appear under him.

THE ROCK: Yeah, that’s me. Anyway, I’m here to talk to you all about an important problem facing our youth today: demon summoning. I know, most kids think it’s “cool” or “hip” to summon a centuries old entity from the very depths of Hell, but it’s not.

The Rock takes out an egg, and holds it up.

We zoom in on the egg, as the Rock points to it.

THE ROCK: This is your soul.

The Rock throws the egg out of frame.

THE ROCK: This is your soul after summoning a demon. It’s gone. Like your soul will be. To continue illustrating my point, here’s a short video.

EXT. SCHOOL

We hear a school bell ring. Kids exit the school. We focus on one kid, JEREMY. He’s not running like everyone else; he’s walking.

THE ROCK: (VO) This is Jeremy. Jeremy’s a good kid, with a full life ahead of him. Or at least he was, until today.

EMO KID: (off screen): Psst!

Jeremy turns.

EMO KID: Like, over here.

Jeremy walks over to the emo kid. We finally see the kid. Pale, dressed in black, you know the drill.

JEREMY: Yes?

EMO KID: Listen, like, I got this book recently called the Necronomicon. And, like, you can use it to summon demons.

JEREMY: And you called me over here to tell me that because…?

EMO KID: Because, like, all my friends are too scared to do it. They’re, like, such wimps. But you seem pretty chill.

JEREMY: So you want me to help you summon a demon after all your friends backed out?

EMO KID: Like, yeah.

JEREMY: That sounds pretty stupid.

EMO KID: Like, all the cool kids are doing it.

JEREMY: You’re emo. I wouldn’t put you under the “cool kids” category.

EMO KID: All the cool emo kids are doing it. Don’t you want to be a cool emo kid?

JEREMY: No. I don’t even know why one would want to be emo, period.

EMO KID: My parents, like, named me Draven. You’d, like, totally be emo if you had that name too.

JEREMY: Ok, good point. Still, I’m not quite comfortable with summoning a demon.

EMO KID: Listen, it’s, like, totally safe and harmless. Just, like, try it.

JEREMY: …are you sure?

EMO KID: Like, yeah. Would I, like, lie to you?

JEREMY: I literally just met you. I have no idea if you would or not.

EMO KID: Like, just trust me.

JEREMY: (sighing) Fine.

EXT. BACK OF THE SCHOOL

The emo kid is setting up a pentagram on the ground, while Jeremy waits around.

EMO KID: Ok, I’m, like, done.

JEREMY: Alright.

The emo kid points to the center of the pentagram.

EMO KID: Like, stand there.

Jeremy walks to the center of the pentagram. The emo kid grabs a book from the ground, and starts chanting in Latin. As the kid chants, smoke and such starts to rise from the center of the pentagram.

JEREMY: Are you sure this is safe?

The emo kids nods, still chanting.

A DEMON appears, grabbing Jeremy in its claws. Jeremy screams.

JEREMY: This is so not safe, you lying –!

The demon covers Jeremy’s mouth, muffling him.

DEMON: This sacrifice will do nicely.

EMO KID: Hey, like, I summoned you here for a reason.

DEMON: What is it, mortal?

EMO KID: Can you get me some more black eyeliner from Hot Topic? My parents won’t, like, get anymore for me.

DEMON: Very well, mortal.

The demon disappears with Jeremy.

The scene stops, and the Rock walks in front of it.

THE ROCK: Jeremy had his whole life ahead of him. He could’ve done great things. Cure cancer, create the next technological innovation, direct my next blockbuster. Anything was possible. But that was all snuffed away in an instant for black eyeliner. Remember, kids: summoning a demon isn’t safe, or cool. It’s dangerous, and only losers do it. Stay safe, kids, and good night. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go rock n’ roll.

[The words “I’ve got to rock n’ roll” have been underlined in red pen, and with the same pen, presumably, the words, “ROCK N’ ROLL? SERIOUSLY. THAT’S A FUCKING STUPID PUN” have been added on.]

Like I said, mostly minor stuff. But still. Like I said, I really appreciate your comment and advice. It's nice getting compliments, and being told what needs to be fixed for this to be better. So, thank you. And please, let me know what you think of this version.