Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25569708-20150628044653/@comment-25980905-20150628124157

You know what? I actually really enjoyed this. Let's begin, shall we?

What You Did Right

I will admit, at first I was expecting a 1999 clone. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find a rare needle in a haystack. You were able to keep my interest throughout the entire story, and for that I praise you. I could feel a sense of tone and voice in this story and, for that, I am very pleased. The pace you created through the length of your sentences only served to help build suspense. Your story has a nice atmosphere and I can really feel the build up. The way you built your character up in this was subtle and tied in very well with the overall story, creating a flow that felt natural. I loved how you veered away from most cliches and didn't rely on the time honoured tradition of 'blood, guts, gore and rape' to create horror. You did this particularly well in regards to the hand; I liked it.

What You Could Improve On

Some of your sentences are awkwardly phrased and there are some minor spelling and grammar mistakes, though these tend to bleed through near the end as though you were in a rush to finish. I did notice, while reading, that you missed a few words in sentences (in the last few paragraphs I believe) but I cannot, for the life of me, seem to be able to find them again through a quick skim read.

Your story would also profit from building suspense just a little more, to add to that sense of fear that I felt your story was touching on. I felt the suspense I believe you were aiming for; but if this is your first draft then I know you can do a lot better.

The one negative thing I have to say about this story is in regards to the ending. 'I won't be mad at you.'. I get that this is a connection to the TV Show, but it honestly makes no sense being there. Did your character get possessed? Were they behind the channel the whole time? Did your character's involvement with the channel go further than they are letting on? You have built intrigue; but my ultimate belief is that it was unnecessary. It's a nice twist, but it can and will confuse your readers.

Anyway, I hope this review and critique does you a service in the betterment of your Creepypasta. I'm looking forward to reading the end product and I wish you the best of luck. If you do end up editing this and reposting please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page; I would be more than happy to read it again.