Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32807959-20181212205503/@comment-36627132-20181213095457

Spelling and Grammar Issues: There are random tense swaps throughout the story. Some of the paragraphs are walls of text. There are various apostrophes missing (Jakis would mean there are multiple Jakis, Jaki's is possessive.) "They keep trying to promise to make time" should be " They keep trying to kepp their promise to make time" or at least "They keep trying to keep their promises to make time". "It literally tore her company in half." feels like a misuse of the word "literally".

Plot Issues: The story is lacking in horror content. Why does she have a different last name than her husband? 2 O'clock cannot be "in the evening", it can either be in the afternoon or the morning. "Thankfully, she was a single individual, as oppose to married. So Jaki didn’t have to worry about charges being pressed." Actually, she would still be charged. Also I find it hard to believe she got away with everything she just did. Wouldn't all this have raised a red flag?

Plot Issues Continued: The part where the drug causes her to hurt herself makes the whole story feel like a rip-off of the Russian Sleep Experiment. As I've said, the story is lacking in content and when we finally come to what is supposed to be the horrifying part the story turns into a rip-off of the Russian Sleep Experiment. On top of that the whole thing is unrealistic and ends almost too abruptly.