Talk:The Pancake Family/@comment-4715955-20150327051805

The idea of 20 years of flattening torture shatters my suspension of disbelief, and it gets pretty melodramatic near the end on top of that. But it's nicely structured and you handle the rhetoric well: the writing itself didn't break my immersion at all. And the twist was definitely unexpected, though I wonder why she would go to the trouble of all this, maniac or not. And I don't think there's any indication of her age. There should be, to lend to the credibility of her carrying out this heinous torture for 20 years of her life. Saying she'd been following his investigation doesn't inherently mean she's been a reporter for more than 20 years: I'd assumed that she'd learned about it recently and (apparently) become fascinated with it. Clarifying that she's an older woman and has been following the case since the beginning would help.