Talk:Fear Fest/@comment-24077689-20140114204044

The biggest problem with this story is that it's not interesting.

And I don't mean that to be a jerk, I mean it in the way that it doesn't drag you in. I will usually stop reading if the first few sentences don't hold my attention, but I perservered because I appreciated your blog post. You have a distinct habit of over using exclamation points, the dialogue sort of just drags along. Which may not be entirely your fault. In a lot of ways it seems like you're either trying to pay homage to Abandoned By Disney or just trying emulate it entirely.

But the fact stands: you're dealing with Halloween, it's at night, things happen in a very direct cause-effect manner, photography, unimportant secondary character basically used as cannon fodder, you've got rust and flickering lights, a merry-go-round, creepy clowns, etc. etc.. This entire story deals in cliches. It's like a huge fat almagamation of cliches. It's legion.

Besides some work needing done with your procession of dialogue, you have potential. Not with this story exactly, but as a writer. I feel like if you focused more on improvement and maybe tried a different set up, a more unique and original set up you could be a real gem. Your grammar is good, besides a couple of misplaced commas and a couple mispelled words, your syntax, diction, and overall grammar is sound. I've also gotta tell you this story will probably be removed because of what I mentioned above. But if that happens, please don't be discouraged, keep up with it. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.