Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25448751-20141001052808/@comment-24077689-20141006201244

SHIT YES NOOTHY IS FUCKIN BACK AND IT’S TIME FOR A GODDAMN REVIEW

“It happened again tonight.”

That doesn’t need to be its own separate paragraph. What happened again tonight? I DON’T KNOW! LETS FIND OUT!

Whenever you’re professionally writing it would do you well to spell out your numbers, i.e. “Thirteen found in a cornfield dead”. In fact, lets just combine these; it’s not so much a stylistic choice you made as it is simply bad writing. “It happened again tonight, thirteen found in a cornfield, dead.”

That being said, please for the love of Christ stop using the ellipses. Putting three fucking periods after a sentence is not a replacement for a period, or a comma, or a semicolon, or a space. It’s not an automatic suspense builder. It’s ugly. Kindly see one of my advice blogs for that.

Never? Never ever? Never never have so many victims been found in one place? I’m pretty sure I could name a few. Thirteen, I mean John Wayne Gacy’s yard was home to thirty-two corpses. Then there’s the whole holocaust things, not to mention the catacombs, that statement is just silly. It’d read better if you simply said something like “The little county had never seen so many murders, each body carefully dissected, blah, blah blah.” Bee-tea-dubs you don’t have to use the superfluous descriptor of “the most painfully excruciating ways”, first of all, “painfully” and “excruciating” are synonyms. REDUNDANT! Second of all, stop assuming the people that are reading this are fucking stupid. We aren’t. When you use clever words like “dissected”, it’s a bit implied that the process is painful.



Possibly while they were still taking breaths? If there’s an investigation going on they could for certain tell you if they were taking breaths. Since you’re setting it up this way, try for something like “autopsy reports show they were still breathing”. Read my writing advice blog about research before you do that, though.

AND THERE IT IS. The child. The psychopathic child. That’s not fucking played out.

OH AND LOOK AT YOU, IN A HORROR STORY YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT A HORROR WRITER LOOK AT HOW FUCKING CLEVER AND META YOU ARE. Goddamn it.

Yeah, I can see where this is going pretty fast. So Charlie is a good man, but he’s an abusive drunk. So, he’s not a good man?

Dear god, not every fucking parent is negligent. This is the problem with stories like this, in the real world a child says something like “homie has been hitting me” and people go fucking apeshit.

To help you out: Realism (noun) the quality or fact of representing a person, thing, or situation accurately or in a way that is true to life.



Realism is paramount to a good horror story, to some degree we have to believe the situation is viable. We have to be able to draw parallels; we have to be able to think this could actually be a thing. As bad as abuse can be, I fail to believe in this situation. Presumably the mom would care if Charlie were leaving bruises, right? If that’s the case, and it’s the case in pretty much anyone sane, she would care if her son was like “bruh, ur bf got beef”

Please god stop using ellipses.

<p class="MsoNormal">Ugh. Of course it comes to mutilating his body. This is so fucking pedestrian, it’s so derivative of so many bad creepypastas

<p class="MsoNormal">Oh-ho-ho, now he’s writing cryptic messages. So spoopy.

<p class="MsoNormal">Did you do any research? ANY RESEARCH AT ALL ON PSYCHOSOMATIC OR MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDERS? BECAUSE IM PRETTY SURE YOU DIDN’T.

<p class="MsoNormal">Jesus, son. It’s fucking shirt dye, not fucking high-grade acid. What the fuck.

<p class="MsoNormal">This is so derivative of Jeff the Killer. So much is wrong with this story, so very much. I’d suggest you give up on this and try again, maybe try something that isn’t so derivative. Do some research, do some writing exercises. You’ll get better, but this is not a good piece of writing.