I Opened My Eyes During Prayer

Have you ever wondered why we keep our eyes shut during prayer? Ever since I was little I’ve wondered this. I mean what is so important that we can’t even look at it? For some backstory, I live in a rural town with less than 250 residents. We were all very close, especially if you knew each other from church, which was mainly the case, it’s a very religious town.

I grew up saying a prayer before every meal, and it wasn’t until I was 6 that I started to question why we couldn’t open our eyes, and there probably is something about it in the Bible, but truth be told, I’ve never actually finished the Bible, nor did I pay attention while reading it. For years I asked my parents, but the only answer I ever got was “we’re not allowed to see God listen to our prayers”, and that never answered my question. I mean, why couldn’t we see God? Isn’t that how people believe things? To see is to believe, right?

When I turned 14, I decided I’d heard enough. Seriously, what was so bad about opening your eyes? If my parents wouldn’t give me the answer, then there’s only one other way. My siblings got the table set, while my father and I finished cooking the food. We dished out the meal, and we all sat down waiting for my mother to finish her shower. Once she sat down my father put his hands together, then the rest of us soon did the same, we all closed our eyes as he began, “Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you for. . .” it was either now or never. I slowly opened my eyes to see my family praying, I was really disappointed, but at the same time, I don’t know what else I expected. My father wasn’t even halfway finished with the prayer when I heard something, the rest of my family had no reaction, so I brushed it off as nothing. Once more, I heard the sound, but this time closer, I turned around to face the kitchen. Standing there I saw a man, if you could even call it that, his face was thin, but at the same time bloodied and swollen, he had a thick thorn crown stabbing him, letting blood rush down his face, he had skin chunks hanging on by a thread, lacerations covered his slender body, there were holes in his hand and feet. His heavy breathing drowned out the sound of my father, we made eye contact, I was paralyzed with fear, he walked closer and the stench of rotting flesh surrounded me. He was maybe a few feet away from me when I heard my father say “Amen”, and the man was gone.

My mother’s voice broke me from my trance, “Are you alright, dear? What’s wrong?” I turned back around in my chair to be met with my father’s disapproving face, “Were you even praying with us?” I look at him, not even fully comprehending the question, “Well?”, his voice became more insisting, but it still seemed so distant. At this point, everyone was looking at me, it didn't really phase me, I just remained silent. “Alright, if you’re going to skip prayer, and ignore your parents you can go straight to your room.” I got up and did as my father said, I headed to my room and just sat there. Why? Why did I make such an asinine decision? How was I supposed to know what I’d see? What exactly did I even see? The image kept flashing in my head, and the disgusting odor that trailed the grotesque figure. I had to be seeing things, right? Some type of hallucination, I mean none of the rest of my family seemed to notice the being. Not too long later, my mother walked through the door.

“Your father is very disappointed in you”, I couldn’t make eye contact with her, “I’m very disappointed in you as well”

“Mom, I’m sorry it’s just-”

“No excuses. I want you to apologize to your father in the morning, and tonight, I recommend you apologize to God as well”

She left the room before I could say anything. I sat there, alone in the dark, picturing the man that I saw, what ever he was.

I didn’t sleep very well that night, I couldn’t get that image out of my head. At some point I ending up falling asleep, but only to be soon woken up by my door creaking open. I was facing the wall and too afraid to face the open area. The sound of footsteps slowly approached my bed made me close my eyes as tight as I could, the world felt like it was spinning, I told myself that I was dreaming as the footsteps got closer. But then, it stopped, I began to relax my muscles, then there was a drip on my cheek, I panicked, fight or flight kicked in, I quickly turned on my back to be met face to face with the butchered man; he was leaning over me, I froze, my stomach began to churn, he slowly reached his hand to me, I screamed at the top of my lungs, my brother came bursting through the door turning on the light, and once again, the man was gone. There was a ringing all around me, I couldn’t hear what my brother was saying to me, my body ached, I hadn’t realized I been crying until I felt drops fall on my hands.

The next day, my mother took me to the doctor, she did a quick check up and found nothing wrong, but she did end up giving me a prescription to help me sleep, then she sent us home. The car ride back was silent, when we got out of the car my mother refused to look me in the eyes. I walked into the house and headed straight into my room. I sat on the bed just thinking. I have to be going mad, this isn’t normal, that’s not real, it’s just some figment of my imagination, it has to be. I laid down on my bed, just staring off into nothingness. The texture of the ceiling put me in an odd trance, and I slowly drifted off into a deep sleep.

I awoke to a dark room. I sat up, and just as I did so, I heard an odd cry, like an animal was in pain, the only thought that came to my mind was that it was my dog, worried, I went to go find her. Once I swung my legs to the side of the bed, I was met with a disgusting, hot, mushy mucus like substance on the wood floors. Startled, I bring my feet back up, I turn on my bedside lamp and look down, it was blood, and a lot of it, I look up once more, and that’s when I see him, standing in the corner of my room, right next to the door. I became faint, and the world seemed as if it were closing in, his piercing glance made me feel too weak to even move. The odor surrounded me as he got closer, I pushed myself as close to the wall as I could, and squeezed my eyes shut. I’m dreaming, I have to be dreaming, this isn’t real, he’s not really here, it’s just a dream. I opened my eyes and his face was only mere inches away from mine. The thought of it being a dream remained in my head, that was, until he put his hand over my heart, and burning sensation overwhelmed me. Once more, my screams echoed throughout the room, sending both of my parents bursting through the door, and the man just vanished. My parents ran over to me, and their worried faces were the last thing I saw before I blacked out.

I woke up to my mother patting a damp washcloth on my forehead when she saw my eyes open. Her expression changed instantly and she gave me a hug, still confused I just laid there.

“Thank the Heavens you’re alright, you gave us a real scare back there.” She smiled at me, which felt nice, seeing that she would look at me.

“Now I know you just woke up, but your father and I want you to get some more rest. Here, take this,” she handed me a pill, which I assume is the one the doctor gave us to help me sleep. She gave me one last smile before quietly saying “goodnight”, and then she left. Once she closed the door, my heart began to burn again. I could tell that my body was extremely stressed. My head was hurting really badly, and once more, I got that strange feeling that happens right before he shows up. I sit up, and prop myself against the wall, my heart starts racing, which is accompanied by the burn getting more intense. I hear cracks and pops coming from under the bed, right after, he appeared. Nausea overtook me, the feeling wouldn’t go away, my whole body began to hurt. Suddenly, I lost all control of my body, and became completely paralyzed to the point where I couldn’t do or say anything. My body felt as if it were on fire, but I couldn’t see anything, just the man. His dull, sunken eyes just stared me down. He crawled onto the bed and my lungs began to give way, my breathing became fast, and painful coughs escaped my body as the feeling of being crushed joined the mixture. My body shook violently as I began to cough an alarming amount of blood. The man leaned in closer, everything hurts, and dread overtook me. The grotesque man leaned right into my ear and uttered out this one sentence to me,

“You should have kept your eyes closed”