Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25536002-20141014232848/@comment-25535144-20141015034619

I see why you have walls of text, and I totally can relate to it. You get really excited about typing, and don't see a reason to stop your train of motion just to space it out. You want the reader to be onboard the ride with you. But the issue is, they aren't the conductor. They're a passenger. And if the train is going to fast, they're going to freak out.

Other than spacing, the story is good. I've seen quite a few WWII creepypastas, and they're usually blood in your face. Buuuut... This one reminds me a little of the infamous 'Russian Sleep Expiriment'. One of my favorite pastas out there. You, my good sir, are onto something. Refine that format, and you may have a very promising thing going.