Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6822927-20190106211218/@comment-9041013-20190107121023

KingSparta300 wrote:BloodySpghetti wrote: I didn't get it. Why is a mouth traveling in space? That's what Maw means, you kind of didn't use it figuratively as in "a great, dark, damp space".

On top of that, the ending makes very little sense in light of the whole story; how can a being travel through space, manipulate the actions of humans and still be afraid of basic nukes? Traveling through space alone means said being can probably pack more punch than the Tsar Bomb.

Also the way you've written this seems like your character is time traveling throughout the story, one moment he's in the past, the next he's in the present.

I suggest you stick to completing a single story at a time so you could focus better on each installment better. It isn't finished yet.

The Maw is an eldritch abomination, like Cthulhu. It's basically meant as a deconstruction.

The time travel bits are the main character experiencing the Maw's memories.

So this is not fully original, which is something I dislike. Lovecraft was about fear of the unknown. He was an odd man with an odd thought process so he shaped his fears into grotesque monstosities. Now, in his mind, the biggest monsters, the cosmic entities... the Gods if you will. None of them were characters. Cthulhu wasn't a character, he was a plot device. You get him to be mentioned, you get him to be a driving plot point but he's not a character. Yet, he was still immensely effective. That's something everyone pretty much did not catch with his works.

On top of that, the none human beings were meant to be above human things, they were meant to be the bane of human existence. Going so far as to send a group of heroes to fight the Old Ones is a bit silly and a really disappointing twist to Lovecraft's works.

You don't need cosmic monsters to tell me humans are a terrible animal, you could use the same revalation you used here to tell me so, we have a weapon that can quite literally end the world, and even scarier, we don't even know how to leave the world in case it ends somehow more naturally.