Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475800-20180206062846/@comment-25170312-20180208162226

I must admit this is really unoriginal. It also seemed rushed. There's so many errors, I have to assume you got to the end of the story and didn't go back to read it over. Also, Papa Legba was represented pretty well on American Horror Story so you would need to step it up pretty hard to stand out. Mike is an awful character, too. His ignorance, arrogance, sexist and racist behavior all make him unlikeable. I couldn't relate to him at all.

My suggestions are to dial back how much of an asshole Mike is, try to change the plot enough to make it unique, work on the prose because it's pretty bland (a lot of straghtforward telling as Mike said), and do something with Papa Legba to make him more threatening than the voodoo lady.

I also thought it was odd that the main character is named after a member of The Monkees.