Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36960218-20181008220941/@comment-9041013-20181009172848

Your english needs a lot of work, a whole lot of it. Everything is weird and clunky, perspective changes, the narrator kind changes, the tenses are off... weird.

Also, the plot itself isn't very good; you go outside scared of a folk tale, sure, possible for a kid, could even add a prank scenario where some of the kids try to freak others pretending to be that thing but avoid the topic of the mother being a weird robot lady saying "It's okay, there no monsters, it's okay there are no monsters" a few times over with different phrases.

Also, there were no screams but the sound of bones cracking and flesh being torn... that's a very, well, light description, it was used around here a bunch and does not mean that much anymore.

The creature doesn't fit the idea of a Almas... so many switch the name, or make it into a more of a Wendigo type being, a cannibalistic thing eerily resembling a regular human, maybe a more "archaic" humanoid. Hmm...