Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20181003190023/@comment-9041013-20181004103535

Okay. So, how do I say this? Can you write this into a legit novel and publish it? I'm definitely buying!

That gets better with each chapter, you've managed to build each piece properly, I can't say anything negative about this chapter. Not a single thing.

I did a lot of relating to this chapter on a personal level, due to some unfortunate events, reading it brought out a lot of emotion. Now the father comes off as enough of a punchable douche bag and still has some foreshadowing of worse to come from his side. He really made me want to punch something with his so-called "The dead don't matter" rant. There are people like that, but the normal ones among them are usually doing this because they are too much of the emotional pussies to deal with their loss.

At first, I also thought Ben doesn't fit the bill of a ten-year-old but then it dawned upon me that trauma matures people, and quite a lot. So while he does seem mature in some aspects, he's very much still the ten-year-old he is supposed to be.

The plot unfolds itself well enough, now we possibly know that there are "physical" dark forces behind the book that pray on Ben's weakness by presenting him with Not-Mohammed (It's a joke taken from DarkMatters videos), prompting him to suffer and bring forth more suffering, in various ways.

I like the reoccurring theme of something I can't really call it dark, but rather stressful that triggers the unfolding of the immediate effect of whatever this book and the forces behind it are; beginning with Ben's experience of a funeral setting, through to the fathers outburst and now with this encounter that makes him completely snap.



Now, since you've already inspired me to write something, again, do you mind if I throw in some references to your Wyrm-verse? I want to keep it within the realms of Lovecraft's plot-style and this whole creatures from another universe, dark magic-ish themata and the like are really nice. Perhaps could even throw a mention of the W.Y.R.M (You should totally incorporate something along the lines of "its name shall not be spoken" or something later on, because this lore is a gold mine for ideas really).