Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31073921-20170428124558/@comment-32283485-20170614001232

This is an engaging idea, well written. The premise, however, raises a few questions. Who is the narrator - "If you are reading this, its [it's] too late for me, I am undoubtedly dead." Why? Is the narrator going through the phenomena they describe? If so, why are they writing this instead of concentrating on surviving? Why is this only published if they are dead, and who then publishes it? How does the narrator know all this - did they survive this themselves, and if so, why are they undoubtedly dead by now, particularly with the green orb to protect them?

In addition to this, the piece tries to engage the reader directly - lots of 'you are', 'you must' and so forth. This is immensely effective if the reader has happened to just check into a hotel room, but completely loses the suspension of disbelief if they are anywhere else. "If you don't believe me, try to exit the room. You can't, huh?" becomes rather comic if the reader is sitting outside.

This are relatively minor nitpicks, though, and this is overall a pretty strong work.