Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6822927-20190106211218/@comment-6822927-20190108133352

BloodySpghetti wrote: KingSparta300 wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: KingSparta300 wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: KingSparta300 wrote:BloodySpghetti wrote: I didn't get it. Why is a mouth traveling in space? That's what Maw means, you kind of didn't use it figuratively as in "a great, dark, damp space".

On top of that, the ending makes very little sense in light of the whole story; how can a being travel through space, manipulate the actions of humans and still be afraid of basic nukes? Traveling through space alone means said being can probably pack more punch than the Tsar Bomb.

Also the way you've written this seems like your character is time traveling throughout the story, one moment he's in the past, the next he's in the present.

I suggest you stick to completing a single story at a time so you could focus better on each installment better. It isn't finished yet.

The Maw is an eldritch abomination, like Cthulhu. It's basically meant as a deconstruction.

The time travel bits are the main character experiencing the Maw's memories.

So this is not fully original, which is something I dislike. Lovecraft was about fear of the unknown. He was an odd man with an odd thought process so he shaped his fears into grotesque monstosities. Now, in his mind, the biggest monsters, the cosmic entities... the Gods if you will. None of them were characters. Cthulhu wasn't a character, he was a plot device. You get him to be mentioned, you get him to be a driving plot point but he's not a character. Yet, he was still immensely effective. That's something everyone pretty much did not catch with his works.

On top of that, the none human beings were meant to be above human things, they were meant to be the bane of human existence. Going so far as to send a group of heroes to fight the Old Ones is a bit silly and a really disappointing twist to Lovecraft's works.

You don't need cosmic monsters to tell me humans are a terrible animal, you could use the same revalation you used here to tell me so, we have a weapon that can quite literally end the world, and even scarier, we don't even know how to leave the world in case it ends somehow more naturally. The Maw being horrified at Hiroshima isn't meant to say humans are awful, it's meant to show the Maw is capable of human feelings but is still, developmentally, at a stage where it doesn't understand the world around it.

As I said, it is meant to deconstruct the eldritch abomination trope. And besides, all eldritch abomination characters are somewhat inspired by Lovecraft, in one way or another. Inspired by Lovecraft... by misconceptions about his works, most of the Cthulhu mythos that was crafted by people who loved his work got it wrong.

Try taking a notion from his works and using that, instead of using an existing thing and giving it a spin. It's still weird since well, it can time and space travel. Nukes are a joke to this thing. By this point, I am starting to feel like we are speaking two different languages.

First off, I have read Lovecraft's works, I know about many misconceptions.

Second, I already said the Maw is a deconstruction of an eldritch abomination, in the sense, it has no clue what it is, what it is capable of or its purpose in the universe.

Thirdly, you are actually starting to annoy me with this whole "change the story" thing. It's my story, don't tell me how to write it. What you are asking would drastically change EVERYTHING about it. "It doesn't know what it can do" Okay. It travels through space and time, it shares memories with other creatures.... it can do crazy shit. Unless it's a brain dead animal that does things without realizing, it should be aware of itself enough to know that Hiroshima is nothing like a supernova, or a solar flare or basically any other cosmic event which the Maw should've probably came across. Unless your whole story is based around the conviniece of fuck laws of physics the maw didn't see anything or do anything before the beginning of the story. That's a shame if it is.

Also, why on earth would it know what's death and destruction of human lives? This is getting really ridiculous.

The Maw is basically a child when it arrives at Hiroshima. In the present, it's still a child, it has just learned what it can do.