I'm Really Trying

The warm, morning light flooded from the lone window in my bedroom. I sat on the floor, for I typically find this the most comfortable position, with Legos strewn over the cream carpet in front of me. Even more Legos lay in the bins to my sides. Those did not matter though, I had what I needed in front of me. The spaceship that i would be constructing only required the pieces I had in front of me, for the most part.

" This one is cracked," A small girl with raven hair informed me. She held up a split, navy blue Lego," I'll find a replacement."

She smiled to me. Her thin lips split to show 2 rows of beautiful white teeth. The pale girl began to scurry through the bins trying to find a suitable replacement. " Oh... Uhm, thanks!" I stammered.

I didn't recognize her but, odd enough, she felt familiar. She seemed at home and perfectly fine in my presence. I wracked my mind trying to find an answer. Possible answers flooded my mind. ''Friend? No, I would know her then. Family? Possibly. Child of a Parent's Friend? Odd, but wouldn't we be atleast introduced? ''

" Found one!" The small girl sang out, " Look! It's even the exact same blue!" She held the Lego directly in front of my face. She once agian smiled.

" Thank-you. Uhm...," I was lost at a name for her.

" Jenny.", She replied quickly.

" Thanks, Jenny," I appreciated the help even if it was hardly called for. I began to think of how to ask who this girl was. I didn't wan't to be blunt nor rude--

" No need to worry, I do not get offended easily," She looked up from her project of organizing the Legos by colored piles, " I can understand your confusion by me but, I'm family."

" Cousin?" This made sense to me because I had a very extensive family.

" No," She said thoughtfully, " I guess my position hasn't been decided but, I'm really trying to get a place!"

The early morning light, or should I say lack of life, filled my room as my 6:15 a.m. alarm blarred for me to awake for school. I managed to stand up and move through my morning routine. I was at the bus stop by 6:45 and on the bus by 6:50. I sat alone so my mind wandered about the small girl. It was odd, my dreams tended to be vague, and that was if I even remembered them. But this dream was so vivid, I could remember every word stated and every detail on that girl. Other parts were vague, as usual. I could not remember what room I was in, nor could I remember what I was building. I could only remember the one blue Lego and the girl.

The day passed fairly easily even though in several cases I was caught in deep thought about the dream by a teacher. I arrived home and said nothing of my dream. I did what I normally did: played the minecraft beta, checked facebook, and possibly some more, inappropriate things. I then crawled into bed at around 10:00 p.m. and soon fell asleep.

I awoke in my bed as the sun filtered my room with a haze of yellow light. ''Damn it! I overslept! ''I quickly flipped from my bed and went for my door. As I went I heard a small clank. I turned to see the small girl. Her back was to me.

" Why can't I be loved like you? What makes you so special?" She spat at me.

The girl had come back to me and seemed to be angry. I didn't know how to respond so I said something unintelligable under my breath. I don't even know what I said. It was a grasp at some sort of comforting statement or question lost, lost in the space between me and the girl.

" You don't even remember my name." As she said this my spine tightened. It did this because, it was true, ' My name is Jenny. Jenny Colby." I tightened further at hearing my last name.

She turned to me, her cute appearance faded with a menacing look that caused me to falter over my words. As I stammered a smile touched her lips, " I guess I'll wait for you."

My flew up as I woke up in my dark room. I checked the clock. It was 4:38 a.m. I sat in my bed for the remainder of the night as my mind filled with thoughts of this girl, no, Jenny. I could not forget her name ever again after being combined with my last name added to it.

I rose from bed at 6:00 knowing there is no point in trying to sleep. I finished my routine early enough to sit and eat an actual breakfast. My mom had been running through her morning routine. She walked into the kitchen and began a light conversation with me.

" What got you up so early this morning?" She asked casually.

" Dreams," Is all I said in between bites of eggs.

"Ooh!" She said exitedly. She got more involved in the conversation due to my usual lack of dreams. My mom enjoyed listening to dreams and trying to figure out what they mean, " Was it a Nightmare?"

" Kind of, it was about a girl." I said thinking about how to word my explanation.

My mom snickered. " Did your girlfriend break up with you?" She questioned jokingly.

I glared at her, "No it was about some girl named Jenny."

My moms face went pale. She starred into my eyes. The talk had become serious, " Did she have black hair?"

I was shocked at my mom's knowledge of her hair color. Perhaps she was still messing with me. I looked into her eyes. No, she was being serious. Completely Serious, " Yah. How did you know?"

" Did she say anything? What did she do?" My mom had ignored my question all together.

" Well uh..." My mother swore quickly,something she rarely did, as I stumbled over my tongue, " She said she was Family. And, and"

" And what?" My mom yelled at me.

I was taken aback by her warch tone and thought of the dialogue passed between us, " She was trying to be Family and, and, she would... She would wait for me!"

My mom pulled away," I can't hide it from you. She came to you." I had no clue what she was talking about in the least, " That girl, Jenny, was going to be my child. I had a miscarriage durinf my first pregnancy. Soon afterwards, a girl began to visit me in my dreams. I gave her the name Jenny. Soon after the still birth I became pregnant with you."

I was stunned. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't speak. She continued on, " She was furious at me for this and after many days of threatening and screaming at me, she stopped visiting me all together. I was going to wait until your father got back from sea but, I know why she is visiting you."

I nodded. The only way I could communicate my hunger for the answer. My mom wiped a tear out of her eye, ' I have hit menopause. She has given up on me. She has moved to you."

*****

I was only thirteen then. Ten years have passed and many things have changed. I thought my mother was slightly crazy after that but I was young, and ignorant. I now think back with a bit of worry. I do not believe in such things but still, it is kind of eerie. Something is off about it.

I am the happiest man on Earth. My wife is now pregnant! She went to the hospital and we learned she, past all her fertility problems, managed to become pregnant. The thought that I will be a father soon is amazing. I never thought I would! We soon will go see what if the unborn baby is male or female. I cannot wait!

 It is a girl.