From What I Heard

Monday
This place, i can't do anything. I sit here gazing out my window, at all the happy people having fun. I wish, i wish i could join them; but i can't. I have to stay here, if i leave it will get me. Once i am out there, i have no place to hide. All i can do is run. Nobody can run forever, you have to rest eventually. Not It though, It can hunt me for eternity. There is no escape, no haven or safety. All i can do is stay in my house.

From what i heard, It can see what i am doing in my house. It is seeing. It is watching me, right now. I am hungry and It knows of it. So long as i am alive. This feeling it gives me. I want to sleep, only there is no sleep when It is watching me.

All i can really do is stay in my home and watch time move before me, i age and age as everything else does. I do not know of the outside, i never have been outside and i doubt that i ever will. I am a sad person, i cannot begin to describe the colours of my imagination, locked deep into my subconscience. My sanity is being torn away, leaving me a souless, reckless monstrosity. On the other hand i guess it's best i don't go outside.

If i do ever go outside though, nothing. Trees are burned to lumpy ash. The roads empty of anything but the chilling howl of the wind. There is nobody, there is only me. I stand here in a state of remorse. Why? what i did to deserve this, if only i could take it back. The bombs, i hear them. They keep pounding the inside of my eardrums, i can't forget them. This is what has become of it. I sit and think of what i had done, sit here crying. I can't stop. So long as the bombs are in my head. This all started because of my actions, all because of me.

Decades back, i was a supreme pilot, surpassing all others i had ever come across. I was a proud and respectable man. This all ended when i was sent to my next location. A small village in Germany. I was told that it was a "necassary" mission. I had no choice but to do it, or get discharged. I was flying over the village getting ready, when i saw below me: happy people, children running and playing, green and serene scenery. I was starting to fill with a sense of pity as i was given the command to drop the bombs. Down they went as i tryed to keep my eyes closed, and tried to think of anything other than the current happening. When the mission was over, all i could think about was all those people, how they all died right before my eyes.

A few years later when i was discharged, sent back home. The only thing i did from then on was sit in my room and think of those people. all i ever did was sit there and cry. After a few weeks of depression, i decided the best thing to do was to move over to Germany, even if it is war torn. I just wanted to see that it was allright and that nothing was at all bad.

I have a nice small house in Germany, it's very peaceful. Everyday i went out to water my garden, buy food or just give my greeting to my neighbours. This was all nice until one night, i realised that i left my outside tap on. I went outside to turn it off when i saw my surroundings. Everything was different. Just like i had previously described. I stared at what had become of my happiness, i felt it being ripped out of my like a fish from it's pond. I ran back inside with a feeling of guilt coming back to me, i sat there in my chair staring out the window, until today.

Present day, i now know where i am, the small village. The one i destroyed. I can't take anymore. All i know is that you can run from the past, but you can't hide from the past.You can run forever, eventually; it will get you.