Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28266772-20160510150359/@comment-25569708-20160511010201

Hello ChristianWallis!

I have been looking forward to reading something by you for a while, as it seems from your high-quality reviews on the Writer's Workshop that you have a very good grasp on storytelling/grammar/scare factor. This excellent story proved me right! Let me start with a couple (possible) errors:

"..cleaned up a little ready for Sam’s visit..." and "digs a whole". I'm assuming that these errors are the character's fault, and not yours. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Okay, now onto the story, and damn what a story it is. I don't think it's too long, as my attention was fully kept throughout and the buildup was well-done. The entire premise for the story was very interesting, and I think you did the email aspect very realistically and it always advanced the story. The "dog" was also sort of fascinating, as in the end I was half-expecting for the dog to just kill everyone, but instead you ended it in a very creative and disturbing way with the dog expelling everything it ate all at once. You didn't over-describe the blood, either, so good job on that too. I also found it incredibly clever that in the first email to the vet's office, you led the reader to believe that the dog was responsible for all the damage, when in fact it was the son who did it all. I also loved the ending, as it explained the "Give It Everything" sign and served to make your story all the more creepy. Amazing job!

There's only really one thing I might change (literally one thing!), and it's the part where Leonard ends his email to his friend saying "I blame that fucking dog." I think it may be a bit more realistic to have Leonard add a goodbye to his friend after he says this, as it would be sort of an odd way to end an email to a friend.

Well, those are my thoughts on this outstanding story. I hope my feedback helped you a bit on this story, and with future ones. Please let me know if you ever have any future stories that need reviewing, as I would love to read them.

Excellent job and good luck, fellow Creeper!