Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25027555-20140605190412/@comment-24304936-20140605191333

Aside from some sloppy two-word sentences and not separating some paragraphs when needed, I kind of like where you went with this story. It seems to get worse and worse every time the character wakes up; this could make for a very uncomfortable situation for him/her. And you add the breathing problems, which enhances the sense of panic.

I suggest adding a bit more to build up the panic though. It seems to progress a bit too fast toward the end, and just feels kind of rushed.

Other than that, decent story.