Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24077689-20140321204230/@comment-24739611-20140328025122

Ahh, no matter how many times I read this, it never gets old.

The best detail about this story, actually is the speculation. I mean, is there REALLY a ghost? Or is that just the first step into a spiral of madness?

But anyway, review time.

Still an immersive and beautiful read. The asterick separators really help with the overall readability, and most of my complaints about the original are just nonexistant. There's just that "My baby don't love me no more." that kiiinda puts me off. A bit. But there's a chance that could be a reference to a song of the same name by the DeJohn sisters, so there's depth behind that, too. Really, that's good.

And the descriptions still go a long way, but they still help me to imagine the grotesque details behind this story. So they aren't that much of a problem.

The coarse language is still present, but because of scarcity, It now sounds like more of a personification tool for the narrator, which is nice.

And, foreshadowing symbolic sexual innuendo. It exists now. Amazing job on that.

And the result:

...Have you ever considered writing a book?

9.8/10. Well done.