Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26027963-20150428125106/@comment-26027963-20150428133145

SoPretentious wrote: Here's what I noticed:


 * (1)[I smiled gently. Wondering what thirty-seven men] A comma might be a good idea here: [I smiled gently, wondering what thirty-seven men].


 * (2)[searching for weapons when there was none.] Pluralization: [searching for weapons when there were none.]


 * (3)["Men!". They stopped, and listened.] Extra punctuation: ["Men!" They stopped, and listened.]


 * (4)[climbing up a latter.] Spelling: [climbing up a ladder.]


 * (5)[That's the sound of people coming down a latter.] This sentence is too direct, maybe change it to something like: [What fools! Injuring themselves rushing down the ladder.]


 * (6)[It was rampaging around, looking for it's next victim.] Punctuation: [It was rampaging around, looking for its next victim.]


 * (7)[It raised it sword...] Spelling: [It raised its sword...]

I really like the introduction piece about Kali Yuga. As for the rest of the story, it seems a little rushed. There isn't a lot of description. It seems random and unassociated with Hinduism. I think the mysticism could be stepped up quite a bit. The ending could also use a little more elaboration. It seems abrupt and premature. Thanks Pretentious! I'll make it longer, and I'll fix up any errors you mentioned. Thanks for the help!