Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37430001-20181107224224/@comment-36627132-20181108033500

Universal Gazer wrote:

As well as that, I also fixed some grammatical issues I spotted after scanning over it 10 or so times. Feel free to point out any more if you see some. It's getting pretty late over on my end, so I'm not really in it right now. Remember, it's made to look like an article, not a book. Thanks. First of all, articles are supposed to have the same high-level of spelling and grammar that books have. Second, don't try to make excuses for mistakes.

Spelling and Grammar Issues: Paragraphs should be broken down a bit more. "2 brothers" it usually looks better when you spell out the letter unless you are referring to money or a year. Random tense changes (since the story takes place in 2011, the past, it should be in past tense). When quoting anything, be it a computer, a sign, a letter, or anything else, always use quotation marks.

Plot Issues: "One of humanities newest creations. The Internet." It really isn't that new; sure it isn't ancient like the wheel, but it still isn't new. A child killing his family is cliche thanks to Jeff the Killer. Even though this character isn't killing out of insanity or rage, it still feels like you are using that cliche. How is a small child holding ten knives in one hand? The way elevators are made it is impossible for anything to make one go fast enough to make things inside it fly around, unless if it were falling at fast speed.

This didn't really look like an article at all, especially the "Notice: The rest of the story takes place on a private video camera" bit.

On a side note, I would like to also point out that your profile page kind of comes off as a blogicle (especially the "We're watching you" part).