Talk:Hitchhiking/@comment-5269370-20140707143520

Your story is very good.

I have to say though, it's very clear that character development is certainly your strong point. As for your writing, the story does have good description, but some of your comparisons are a bit eh... awkward, would probably be the best word for them. This is an example:

"I was running so hard I felt like I was an Olympic runner, racing for the gold medal in the 100-yard sprint." - I think you can do a lot better than this. Not only is it a mediocre comparison, but it doesn't feel fit the theme of the story at all. This guy is running to try and save his life, not running for gold and glory.

"...as if I were a five-year old who had just had a nightmare." - This comparison is good at giving me the impression that the protagonist felt helpless and vulnerable, but it's quite overused and kinda weak.

Other than your comparisons though, you've written a great story. You described the scenery of the area perfectly, and like I said, the characters, even the minor ones such as Mike and Sharon.

I also noted that this is your first story, so I must say that I'm very impressed with your writing capabilities. I ask that you please let me know when your next story is out, as I would like to read it. Keep it up!

7.7/10