Talk:Tension/@comment-25941663-20170319154946

First I want to point out some technical issues:

"I could hear her begin as I passed her" - There is a word missing after 'begin'.

This had some dialogue formatting issues. Different speakers go on different lines and you should be careful with punctuation in dialogue. You can read more on that here.

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This was a nice read. It wasn't particularly creepy, but it had its moments. The scene towards the end where the mother sat in the narrator's bed was creepy. The story though is more sad than disturbing, and it could have done with a little bit more creepy-sauce.

Even though I enjoyed the story, I have mixed feelings about the ending. On one hand I like when things are left to the readers' imagination, but on the other hand leaving everything up to the reader is a bad idea and very rarely works. Here I feel like you didn't give us enough to go on. It wasn't terrible, but the ending detracted from the experience. It reads more like you didn't know yourself where you wanted this to go and you just glued in an ambiguous ending. This might not be the case, but this is what I got from reading this. It definitely wasn't terrible, but it could have been much better if you had given us some direction.

All in all, this was a nice read, but the ending was more of a miss. You certainly have potential though, so if you keep at it, you can get pretty good at this.

Happy writing!