User blog:Senjumaru Shutara/A History of Adminship for those who are curious

I'm not posting this as a full-apology. Whereas the actions and controversies that happened in my past adminship were something I regret, I'm posting this namely for historical reasons. This is so that people know that I'm fully aware and responsible for my past missteps as an administrator. I feel as though those who are going to forgive me have already done so, and an apology would be redundant. If I'm going to apologize, I am going to do so through actions, not words.

On March 2nd, 2014, I was promoted from VCROC and Chat Moderator to administrator. From there, I attempted to make a lot of progressive actions and help the site any way I could. Some worked. Some... not so much. Over the course of the next several months, I would attempt to implement new policies (some of which were and still are implemented), but over the course of that time, activity began to slack as my real life began taking over.

That being said, though, I spent a lot of time trying to do things here. And I made a lot of fuck-ups along the way.

First off are the quality standards. The ones currently implemented are the ones that I wrote and discussed with the community at large, albeit edited and updated along the way. Then, there's the Blocking, Vandalism, Protected Pages, Talk Page Etiquette, and Article Comment policies. These were things that I wrote, but there were rules that I had written that I would now have a problem with.

Then, sometime during September of 2014, I commited my first huge fuck-up. Spinpasta made a list of users that were unwelcome on the chat. While Fatal Disease was banning them, I still regret not only not stopping it, but agreeing with it. These users had not violated any rules. We were operating off of a prejudice, and this prejudice caused us to take a joke made by this user seriously. I don't feel the apologies we made -at least, the one I made - had been enough. Namely, because the utter stupidity of the situation left me stressed and questioning whether I was going to continue on. It made me wonder if eventually I would go too far, without realizing that I just did.

After that, came the community decision to delete Jeff the Killer. This is one thing I proposed that I still do not regret.

Still, I fell under further real-life stress. Stress not alleviated by anything here as it affected my performance across all three of the wikis on the network. When I was active, I would end up screwing something up. When I was inactive, I was inactive and not helping a site that I had loved.

Then, came December. My final, and biggest fuck-ups. The removal of the VCROC, while I stand by that it was not completely my fault, was a brash and rushed action that I was involved in. Mystreve, LOLSKELETONS, and I were speaking of it on chat, but we rushed the thread about it, promoting VCROC members to adminship and then having Wikia Staff remove the right. I was the one who sent the message to Staff. Streve apologized, Skelly stated he was exhausted (he was), but I was too busy defending my actions from a rush of complaints about it. I should've apologized myself, but I don't remember doing so.

And then, there was a conflict between Skelly and I. This resulted in a demotion thread (one that was, actually, going to fail. Many of the supposed offenses listed on there were not actually offenses at all, and were either mistakes, or justified objects that I was well within my right to do). Due to this, I resigned.

And then, Spinpasta was forked. This was my fault as I took the incorrect channels to doing so. It was out of fear, I suppose, that caused me to do such a thing, but I attempted to rebuild that site as I felt that the community there had left as very few, if anyone, were there, and the page quality and quality control had stagnated. I opted then, to import the most quality of pages from Spinpasta, and categories involving the Blacklisted subjects from here. My mistake was the fact that I didn't import the full history, nor propose abandoning the first wiki. The plan was ill-concieved at best, and the death of not one, but two sites, at worst.

This is simply a history, as I am aware that some who may show animosity towards me may bring these things up during future endeavors, and I want people to know full well that I know my past mistakes and history. I will apologize via my own actions, as nowadays I continue to take steps regarding whether I'm doing something right, and I assess situations rather than jumping head-first. I intend to come back to this site full-time and assist wherever I can, and I feel that makes a difference as I am now doing things with a clear head that I find much easier to maintain than I did in the past. I now realize to pick my battles.

I suppose this is the point where I ask to be trusted again. I realize full-well that may be difficult, but there are things I wish to do better at, and there are things that I have in fact improved upon. I do intend to attempt resuming my rights sometime around, since I am still fully familiar with how the wiki operates. I am currently working on stepping up activity and discovering the things that in fact need covered. I want to help in all matters of the site.

But now, you have the brief history of my adminship. The things that I regret, the things that I don't, etc. That said, I hope to leave these things in the past and drop all the petty grievances - they are not helping anything.