Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26846606-20170123215634/@comment-24101790-20170123221958

I'm sorry, but there's quite a lot of issues with the plot here. Ignoring the awkward wording ("He stared up and was surprised of what he saw.", "A black beretta was gave him more time.", "Every missed brought relief and further angst as he knew the chaser wouldn’t stop until he was dead", etc.), it feels very rushed. There's little reason to get involved in the plot when you start in the middle and really give nothing that strengthens the story.

The twist at the end that he's being chased by a doppelgänger feels tangential to the plot at best. The final revelation could have been subbed out with any name and it really wouldn't have impacted the plot throughout as there's no background to why he's being chased. If you're going for the random surprise element of him being ambushed, it seems out-of-place that he'd manage to arm himself and flee at the same time. Additionally, if he's armed, why exactly has he fled into the woods or not tried to get help.

Lines like: "The man fired at the chaser, wounding his dominant hand. The chaser collapsed, grabbing his now crippled hand." also really don't give the story much impact. There's no real focus or detail here to strengthen the story so it just feels like a rushed plot with a twist thrown in to cover up that not a lot happens in the story and there's little to no background/tension due to the rushed plot/scenes.