Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35720336-20180529225927

I’ve already lost count of how many days I’ve built this wall. At this point, I don’t even care. I have all I need in this little fortress of mine, a fridge with enough food and water to last at least one more month, a pillow to sleep on the floor, a bucket for all my bathroom needs; it’s minimal, but it’s enough. Besides, I don’t want to break down the wall I created, It’s my only protection. I don’t want to come face to face with who, or even what waits for me on the other side.

I guess I should start by introducing myself. I used to go by the name of Lucy Collyer. But now that no one is around to call me that name, it doesn’t really have a use anymore. I guess you could consider me a stranger to the world now. I used to have a loving husband, two amazing children and a whole group of friends and colleagues that were a crucial part of my life, but they’re not here anymore. I was lucky enough to barricade myself from the danger that was upon us, they weren't so lucky. I sometimes wonder if they’re still out there somewhere.

I would tell you why I barricaded myself in my office, but I don’t really remember. I recall a feeling of urgency, and that I needed to hide from something but, that’s about it. All I know is, there’s a feeling in my gut telling me that I have to keep this barricade strong. I don’t know what’s on the other side of it and at this point, I’m too afraid to ask. So I keep adding to it, any trash, empty bottles, books, the window panes, potted plants, picture frames; anything I can use to protect myself, I’ll use it. Just this morning a portion fell from the top right corner, It took me hours to patch it back up. I don’t want them to find any source of weakness, or else they’ll come in.

Things were going fine today until I started to hear it. I was fixing up the barricade when I thought I heard a noise, almost like a hushed whisper. I was taken aback at first, it was the first sound I heard from the other side in a long time. I put my ear closer to try to see if I could make out a sound. And that’s when I heard a voice say it.

“Come here…”

I was taken aback by the sound of the low wispy voice. This was the first time I’ve heard another human being in days. I called back.

“H-Hello?”

“Come back, Lucy.”

“How did you-”

“Come back”

At first, every time I tried to communicate with it, the voice would just cut me off. It just kept saying the same thing over and over. Why does it want me to come out? I tried communicating with it to no avail. It would just say the same thing over and over and over and over. “Come out.” I don’t want to get out of here. I’m comfortable where I am; I feel safe in here.

An hour passed with no change in the voice. It’s almost like it’s left in a loop. The same phrase over and over, I tried backing away from the barricade as far as I possibly could in this space and I could still hear it. It’s barely audible but I can still hear it. Almost as if the words have stitched themselves into my brain. “Come out.” I know what it’s trying to do, whatever it is, it’s trying to trick me. And I’m not falling for it.

Not too long after another voice suddenly echoed through the barricade and into my ears. This one was a familiar voice; it was warm, smooth and caring. It was my husband's voice. “Lucy! Lucy! Come out, I’m here to help you!”. I was so overwhelmed with a sense of comfort, I rushed to the wall and threw off a family portrait to get a glimpse of the other side of the wall.

“Lucy?”

“Rob!”

That was the first time I spoke in days.

I peered out into my now unfamiliar hallway hoping to see the man I married, the man I thought was gone for good. But there was nothing. Where was he? I tried to look around as best as I could through my makeshift peephole when suddenly, a figure moved right into my point of view. I fell back in consternation.

That wasn’t my husband.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t human, it was black and opaque, like a shadow with a mind of its own. It started calling out to me in my husband's voice. “Come out Lucy, We need you.” The second voice chimed in, repeating the same phrase over and over, louder and louder, I tried to block my ears but the voices persisted. I screamed as loud as I could trying to drown out their voices but they got louder. I had to stay strong, I was not going out only to meet whatever was out there waiting for me. They say people could survive 2 months in complete solitude. I could last that long, I was sure of it. I fell to my side, dreading the fact that I was stuck with these voices begging me to “Come out” but suddenly, silence.

Slowly, I sat up, I was back to the silence I was once accustomed to. It felt almost empty. I slowly crawled back to the hole in my barricade and looked through. No shadowy figure, no husband, no humans, nothing. As I was about to turn away I noticed something that wasn’t there before. I focused my eyes as best as I could in the dark dingy hallway. It was a bottle, well, a pill bottle. I could easily remark the yellow bottle. It was empty, but I could still use it to add to my wall. I put out my arm and reached out to the bottle. the air in the hallway somehow felt fresher. I felt the hard plastic between my fingers. I picked it up and retracted my arm as fast as I could out of the hallway in case that shadow-thing was still there. I examined the pill bottle, REXULTI. As I read that name out loud, the memories flooded my mind out of the barricades of my subconscious

I remember.

Waking up in the middle of the night, 3:32am, you felt a sense of urgency for some reason, you felt unsafe, you turn to look at my husband but he was gone, where was he, you suddenly felt the sensation of your heart dropping, you felt a danger close, your husband wasn’t there to protect you so you had to protect yourself, you brought everything you could to the office you built a barricade to seperate yourself from the danger, the danger, what was the danger, you heard your husband, he tried pleading with you to come out but you didn’t trust him, was he real, was the danger real, you didn’t know but you felt like you needed to stay in, what if he wanted to help you, what if he was there to reassure you, what if he was there too, what if he was  there, what if he was, what if he, what if, what…

“COME OUT!”

The voices started acting up again, almost screaming at me. I felt overwhelmed by everything. There were new voices; my children, my parents, my therapist, all of the voices just screaming at me to come out. I spun around the room to try to find the source of the voices. They seemed like they were coming from everywhere. I was disoriented, I was scared. I needed a distraction, I couldn’t just sit there anymore.

I ran to my window to get some fresh air but looking outside, I saw more shadowy figures staring at me. There were no cars, my family wasn’t there to help me. It started to smell bad. It was a total sensory overload.

''What if the voices were right? What if you needed to come out? What if you needed to be outside? What if you needed? What if you? What if? What… ''

No. I have to stay in here, there is no one here to help me but me…

I should have gone out when they first offered me, the voices are now screaming at me, voices in every direction. Voices of loved ones, of acquaintances, of strangers all of them, begging me, screaming at me to come out. Everything in this room has started to rot, the food in my fridge is all black and full of sludge, my walls are getting moldy and foul. The pulchritude of my barricade had metamorphosed into unsaturated trash. Moths have started invading the room.

I can’t live like this, not anymore.

They were right; I needed to come out.

I ran to my barricade and crashed into it shoulder first. Nothing moved, I had to do it the long way. The voices were getting louder, almost as if they were screaming in my ears. I felt my eardrums start to bleed. I started punching and kicking and screaming at the wall to come down. I was desperate, I started clawing away at all the trash. I felt my fingernails break and rip from their foundation, but I had to keep going. My legs were numb, my lungs were burning, I needed to get out. I had to come out. My fingers were numb and the skin was ripping like tissue paper, the sound of the screaming was unbearable. I felt myself fading away. As a last ditch effort, I threw myself against the barricade, one last time, hoping, just hoping, that I would be free, I would be out.

The moment my body hit the blockade I crashed through and fell to the other side. The moment I hit the floor of the hallway, the voices disappeared. In its place was a high pitched tinnitus in my ears. It was painful but it was better than the voices. I touched my ears and felt blood, but that could easily be from my destroyed fingers. I looked down at my hands; they were bloodied, my fingertips were riddled down to nothing but a pulp. But I didn’t care, I was free. I was free. I looked around... Trash everywhere. Why did you think this was safe? Why did you close yourself away? Why did you hide from the world? Why did you do that? Why did you? Why...

With weak legs, I stumbled across my home, a place that was now so unfamiliar to me. A place that was once my home, my home before that office of mine became the bare minimum of a home. I stumbled around, everything was clean. It smelt fresh, it felt smooth; it was the exact opposite of what I was in seconds ago. It was like stumbling into a new home. “Rob?” I called out. No answer. I walked into my room, my old room. It was just like I left it. The closet was empty, our possessions, gone. The room was barren of any sign of a living happy family. The only sign of a family ever being here was our family portrait on the wall. I unhooked from the wall and held it tight to my chest. I miss them. I hope they're out there somewhere, thriving, surviving, being happy. I dropped the portrait and walked to the kitchen. It felt strange walking around in a giant empty space after being closed away for God knows how long. I walked into the kitchen, The food in the large fridge was rotted, everything was empty and dead. I turned to the table to find a piece of paper, a note left by Rob.

'Lucy, despite my best efforts, you wouldn’t come out, I don’t know what has gotten into you but you need help, sadly, I don’t believe I’m the one who can give you that help. I’ll take the kids and we’re heading to my mother’s. When you decide to come out, you’ll know where to find me. I don’t know when that will be but I will be waiting. I just hope you're ok. Please, just come out.'

                                                                           -  Rob

Was there really nothing? Did I really block my whole family out of my life? How could I have done this? How did I think this was a good idea? How could I?

How…

I can’t believe myself. There wasn't anything, wasn't there? I just blocked out everything, everyone, for what? A threat that was never there? Was I the threat? I slowly walked back to my office, took a long look at the family the portrait of me and the family I once had and with nothing else left, I started to rebuild…

It all came tumbling down. I was almost done building back the barricade when I slipped on the bottle of REXULTI and crashed right into the wall. Everything fell down on me, the trash, the portrait, everything. I pinned myself to the ground. I’ve been stuck here for an hour now, I can’t move.

I’m buried, among the trash where I rightfully belong. Among the filth like me. Killed by the very thing I thought was protecting me. I can’t help but laugh at the irony of it. I hid away from the world and the world stopped looking for me. I can’t help but laugh, they won’t come looking for me. I can’t help but laugh. I can’t help it. I can’t. I…

I should have listened. I should have come out. 