Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5952769-20170125115538/@comment-28428152-20170331182639

Paragraph 24 on: A lot of the sentences become abbreviated where they don't need to be, to the point of becoming repetitive, especially when listing things. Before this, when describing things and listing them they aren't listed as choppy sentences, but with the normal spacing you usually see. Since it starts up towards the end of the story, rather than from the get-go, this brevity in sentences becomes very noticable and a little distracting. I'd suggest either adding other kinds of punctuation where the sentences are chopped up, or making this style of sentence structure consistent throughout the whole story.