Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24886948-20140503042119/@comment-5619531-20140503130830

RecedingFloodsofBlood wrote: "A dog is pretty much barking at something. Cliché already. Why the fuck does it have birds perching near your window? Seems irrelevant that your dog is barking, and birds are perching near your window. "

Indeed, the birds perching at the ledge of my window and abruptly flying away in shock of me briskly pulling my body up forward and hunching on my arms is redundant. However, Dexter (Dog) was barking at that creature who had a frown carved onto its face. He was prowling for me, if you read the rest, or took them into mind.

"You wake up, see that there's nothing, and you scowl your dog in the third paragraph. whoopie. "

Of course. I was abruptly woken up by my dog, whom was yapping at the creature. I didn't notice the creature. So, I scowled at the dog for "false alarm."

"''You see your own reflection for a second. Then you realize "Oh fuck! I forgot my fucking phone! Let me go to the bathroom and do my business!" ''"

YES; That's what leads up to the accident.

First, you burthened me with pressure, especially:

"It's shit."

How uncordial. But then, rational senses; I shouldn't let such discouragement affect me. Confidence, in fact arrogance rather, dissented in me. By what you said right there, I know that you can do better. This feels like it was written as a joke, though. If you posted this on the main site, and an admin sees this, they'll delete it for Quality Reasons. Which is like me saying, just flat out, "it's shit." Sorry if that seems harsh to you, but it is the truth in this case. You can do better, I know by judging on your response to my critique! This story seems like child's-play. Once I get on the computer, I'll re-read it again for a third time and tell you a reasonable review.