User blog:L0CKED334/The First 24 Hours

Some of you have had the opportunity to know me well enough to know this already. If you do not then I would like to explain that I am an alcoholic. In my thirty-three years alive I have spent the last ten numbing my problems with the liquid and if you have not experienced it I ask that you read my story, My Prison. I have spent the last few months trying to end this torment on my own but was unable. I have set foot on the path that should lead me out of the darkness and I wanted to create a blog to chronicle my experiences. I do not know if this is appropriate for here, but I do not really have anywhere else to do it. If this is against the rules, feel free to remove it.

February 4, 2019 - 11:00 PM

I had just finished off my beer for the night. I had spent the last few months trying to get down to none without success. There were days where the nagging feeling in the back of my head was so strong that I would go back to the five or six that I had been on the last year. Then others I would be able to keep it to one or two. None of which was my goal. I wanted to be done with it. I went to bed that night disappointed in myself again. Which most of you may not know, but that is a symptom of my sickness. Someone close to me keeps reminding me, "Alcohol is not my problem, but my solution to my problem."

February 8, 2019 - 5:05 AM

I wake up with a splitting headache, like usual. I climb in my shower and get ready for work. I sit under the steaming hot water and try to let it wash away my shame. It never works. I sit there contemplating my day and what I will have to look forward to. A thought creeps into my mind, something that makes no sense to me at the time, "You need God in your backswing." I know that I will down four ibuprofen to silence my headache and when I get to work I will drink three or five cups of coffee to try to wake me up. This combined with the fact I already have high blood pressure is a recipe for danger but it was the only way I had found to manage my problem. The words from my shower keep repeating in my head but I still don't understand what they mean.

February 8, 2019 - 11:15 AM

Work is stressful and that is what I attribute this stiffness in my neck to. The pressure seems to build behind my ear and my hearing is slightly muffled. I try to ignore it and complete my duties but my left arm and leg feel weak. I get up to help a customer and my calf muscle begs me to get my weight off it. Something is wrong, I know this but I have to push through it. I need to work, my family depends on my paycheck. The weakness becomes tingling and the pressure gets worse. I am stubborn. I am prideful. I am completely over my head. I am feeling confused and weak. I know I need help and ask one of my co-workers to take me to the emergency room.

February 8, 2018 - 1:03 PM

I am admitted and confess my struggle with alcohol. I am immediately given saline to make sure I am not dehydrated. I find myself praying to God for the first time in years. I am begging for help. I am asking him to let me see my family again. I am alone for thirty minutes with my thoughts before any of my family arrive. Those were the longest thirty minutes of my life and I remembered the words from this morning, "You need God in your backswing." So, I turn my eyes upward and say, "God, if you can give me the strength I will get up from this and I will fight it." It takes over an hour for them to get my blood pressure below 188/115. They are all concerned I might have a stroke. Each nurse keeps checking for deficiencies in my hands, legs, speech, and eyesight. They find none and are surprised when I tell them I do not have a headache. They take blood and urine samples for testing and I am left to wait.

February 8, 2018 - 2:55 PM

The doctor enters and tells me that they have found no problem with my body that would cause the events of the day. They agree that the event is due to my already high blood pressure and the alcohol that I have made a permanent stable in my diet. I am given Xanax to reduce my anxiety and calm the tremors from the withdrawal symptoms I had experienced from the lowered dosage of my liquid medicine. I am also given a stronger blood pressure medicine. It takes another hour for my blood pressure to return to normal so they can release me. I survived.

February 8, 6:25 PM

My wife drove me to a small building at the center of town. I am afraid as I approach the door with a symbol that I have only read about stamped upon it. "AA," it read. I did not know what to expect but I knew I had to change this and I knew I had made a promise to not only myself but to God to be better. The next hour was spent with some of the kindest and courageous people I have ever met. I was thanked for coming and asked to return. I was handed a card with phone numbers of every single person in the room and they told me to call at any time if I felt like I needed help. I left that building feeling better than I have in years. In one hour my perspective changed.

February 9, 5:05 AM

I wake up before my alarm. I am not in pain. I do not need the thirty-minute shower to get me going. I have been sober for twenty-four hours and with the help of a little medication, the support of new friends, and the support of my family I don't think I need to be inebriated. Today feels like a new day and I am smiling again. The first four hours of my workday have been easier and I feel better. I still have a slight headache and I cannot say I am cured but I like how I feel right now. At this moment I feel like I can beat this demon once and for all.