Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32764586-20180816005151/@comment-32764586-20180816024707

RedNovaTyrant wrote: Icydice wrote: RedNovaTyrant wrote: Well...

That was. Something.

Overall entertained, and before anyone else labels it as just being gross and nasty, I'll give it a few props cuz it's kind of got "every male's worst nightmare come to life" going for it. I remember reading one of Junji Ito's short stories called Greased, which has a particularly grotesque scene of a brother squeezing a face of pimples out onto his sister. The whole story was about the uncomfort you feel from gross oils and such, and that's the kind of horror I get from this.

I do believe it could be... a little scarier. The penis directly talking to the narrator and some other rather quippy lines add more humor and I almost thought this was a trollpasta for a moment. Also I was just as bored as the narrator with the opening, don't if that was intentional or if it could use some work.

Overall, it was a ride. But if you are aiming for scary, I'd try to make it a little more unnerving, and maybe have the narrator REALIZE, not be told, why his cock is out to get him.

Thanks man. Appreciate the feedback and ideas :)

No problem :)

Excuse my shameless advertizing but, Feel free to read some of my other pastas if you ever need somethin to do, such as Another Senseless Ritual

Desire

And Ball-Pit