Talk:Nana Razor/@comment-24077689-20140614070218

First of all, your old children’s rhyme isn’t much of a rhyme. I see what you’re trying to do, I get what you want to achieve, but it’s done sloppily. Largely due to the usage of the name “Nana Razor”, the rhyme doesn’t work

You have a couple punctuation errors, to start off. I’m not sure how I like the pseudo-poetic setup of the “rightfully so” lines. It seems trite, like you’re just trying super hard to go with the children’s rhyme theme.

I dig the no-name tactic. As you can tell from the story you read from me earlier, I use it myself. It’s nice. It gives a fairly blank identity that everybody can relatively understand and relate to. Though, again, you need to check your punctuation. You embody the emotions associated with child abuse really well. It almost reminds me of A Child Called It, which if you haven’t read, you should.

You know, most stories I review are bad. Really bad. But this was a pleasant surprise. Outside of a few punctuation errors, which don’t even effect the flow of the story, I noticed nothing wrong.

In all, this is a lovely story. It’s an interesting concept, you treat Nana Razor with respect, a good character, you treat the subject of abuse with care, you did a phenomenal job on this story. You really did.