Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36516270-20180809001802/@comment-9041013-20180809104123

Aside from the mechanical issues, the story itself isn't very much. It's kind of a ghost in the mirror story with nothing much happening in it. Other than the usual, someone meets the ghost and then it does something bad to someone. Eh.

You need to make it scarier, more details, more build, more everything.

How would you react if you saw someone or just even heard someone from the mirror in your room? probably not like in this story. Take your own potential experiences and translate them into the story.

Also, the motive of this silly monster is silly, "oh he's a bully, bullies need to die" that doesn't help anything. Just pushes on the wheel of hatred foreward. Get a better motivation, perhaps some "realistic" quest for release.

Make it more about the interactions between Nate and Jake, make it about Nate's suffering stuck in the mirror or an alternate dimension, make it about how hard and terrifying it is for him to escape through some ritualistic or trial-like sequence of actions.

It just doesn't have any oomph