Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20181127145453/@comment-9041013-20181127202403

Well it seems to me that there's a pattern with our holiday stories... hmm... even I fell into that trap (you shall see later what I'm talking about). I like this one, can't see anything wrong with it plotwise really... maybe just expand on the kids reaction to the happening in front of him. Give me more of his fear... I need it, it's my food... I am a demetor after all.

You've some grammatical issues, it should be "an age during which... blah blah blah"

"Here's all your presents" are all of his presents a single thing? WOT

"Half eaten cookie" is "A half eaten cookie"... we need to know which cookie.

Some missed commas and the like too, nothing too big.