Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24708169-20140319193602/@comment-4832646-20140320043149

Nooth has it good. Be rid of some of the description and leave something to the reader's imagination. Let the story flow properly.

Also, you shouldn't use the bigger words. Chances are your main character isn't a literary or vocabulary genius. And split the paragraphs up. I feel like I'm looking at my college textbook; a bunch of quasi-walls-of-text.

Also, get more creative. Jeff isn't cool anymore.