Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28973987-20160709153014/@comment-28266772-20160711135441

So this is going to be a little warning.

Recently I discovered some sort of virus. It all started as I received [received] a link by an anonymous e-mail with the subject PrInT [the title should be put in single quotation marks, or even italicized]. Since I was interested in this type of thing [what type of thing? Printing?] I opened it just to find a link. It lead me to a [an] Imgur Album [album should not be capitalized] which had 4 [if a number is less than 10 then you should spell it out] pictures in it.

1 [same as above, but it’s especially true when starting a new sentence/paragraph] with a small white box that had marker scribbles on it that was opened with the things inside it that are shown on the other pictures.

[think about the structure of this sentence – One with a small white box THAT(1) had marker scribbles on it THAT(2) was opened with the things inside it THAT(3) are shown on the other pictures – this desperately needs new wording and rephrasing].

One with a newspaper Article [no need for capital A] about a [shouldn’t put ‘a’ here] "Ritual child abuse” [this doesn’t need double speech marks or capitalization] a topic that explained a case of abuse [this is also redundant – the words ritual child abuse clearly tell us that it’s about…ritual child abuse, no need to clarify]. It happened to a child by a family that was motivated by religion [religion – also this sentence is worded awkwardly. We know ritual child abuse is religious because it’s a ritual, and rituals are inherently religious]. The names were scribbled out and there wasn't that much information about the case itself either. [nothing after ‘much information’ is necessary – it’s all redundant]

Another one with a "Poisened family" (with the Mistake in the title) [to make life easier for you, in English we use (sic) to show to a reader that any mistakes in a quote were there in the original quote. In this case just say (sic) afterwards] It said that a Family [capital] was Poisoned [capital]. The police was [were] unable to find the one responsible for this.

[And] and one with a note that had a bloody hand print on it which was either fresh or maybe painted on, but I doubt it since it looked too real. [again this is awkwardly worded. I would rewrite this a bit more clearly]

I didn't think of it as much since I thought it was just a prank or a hoax [repetition – I didn’t think…since I thought – just say “I thought it was a prank”]. But it was really interesting. I somehow even wanted to see more. [this should be a comma] To discover more, [while this comma should be a full stop] But there wasn't more. At least I thought there wasn't more at that time. I always enjoyed those web riddles and I thought this could be one. [these last two sentences don’t really make much sense in light of the story]

The next day I decided to investigate a little more to entertain myself. Once I searched a little more [repetition of ‘little more’] I remembered that I could still [why ‘still’?] use the reverse image search on google. I found a deviantart page called DaveInTheDark. [you should put single quote marks around the page name]

It had the same pictures included with a guy that was receiving [receiving] those things. Weird for a Deviantart account to document those things on it [why?]. He posted content similar to a Vlog on Youtube or a Blog [how is this exact info relevant?]. It was mostly about these strange events happening at his house. He could have used twitter for this but somehow he decided that Deviantart was the best place to post his story [why?]. He was also complaining about a giant box that appeared in his lawn [this isn’t presented in a very interesting way]. He stored it behind a locked door. But he said it was making noises. Once he found the curage [courage] to open the door all he found was a catmask that had a hand painted on it. That was the last post before his gore post [what gore post?]. Apparently he was murdered by someone following him.

After all [comma] this could be a hoax. But [the] fact is that the e-mail somehow infected my computer. And the Virus [virus] could get to my personal information.

I was unable to sleep peacefully last week. And this week hasn't been better. I can't get this thing out of my head. The fact that some idiot now got my Private Information [private information] because I was curious. It makes me sick. I don't know if this is a hoax or if I am in danger but it made me feel scared. I thought this was a game. But it’s not a game for me anymore [why? What are the consequences of this guy losing his info?].

If you don't wanna end up with a Virus [virus] that steals your private information like me then listen up. If you ever get an email that has the subject "PrInT" on it. [no full stop here] Don't open it. Don't be curious. Don't make the same mistake I made. I don't want this to happen [to who?]. It is not worth it. [why?]

-

So overall this story suffers due to the numerous spelling and grammar problems. Nothing really happens either, and there’s no real reason for the story to be called ‘PrInT’. The virus doesn’t do anything that other viruses don’t already do so it’s not scary, and there’s nothing to connect what’s happening in one scene to the next. I would highly recommend you read this wikia’s style guides, and the advice blogs on how to write a creepypasta. I appreciate that the language barrier might make this harder for you, so I'd also recommend that you take time out and read the suggested readings as this should help your familiarity with English.

Style guide is here.

<p class="MsoNormal">Pasta guide is here.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blogs are here.

<p class="MsoNormal">Suggested reading ishere.

<p class="MsoNormal">Also as a matter of interest there are a lot of non-english speaking creepypasta communities. In the meantime, while you improve your skill with English writingm you might find it easier to just write and post your stories to be read by other German speakers. In fact, just looking at the German creepypasta wikia I can see that there are nearly 6000 pages which suggests a very active community! You can find it here.

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