Talk:Monster in the Snow/@comment-4715955-20160723033655

This suffers from many logic issues and even more poor wording, whether it's rhetoric or simply word choice.

"Rodney chose to make a scene regarding our lack of beds and refused to sleep in the tent, even going so far as to lay in the snow and risk a cold for tomorrow's expedition."

I find it impossible to believe that anyone would be this stupid. He would risk far more than a cold, especially if a blizzard hit.

"the sounds of yelling and fighting audible even through the snowfall."

Is snowfall known for its sound insulation? If so, I'll admit that's a new one to me.

"It peaked when the snow was thick enough to block my movement and the light was mere feet from my vision."

Anything he can see is in his vision. Vision is a field of view, not a single, tangible thing.

"It was later into the night when Rodney grew frenzied, tore open a hole in the tent, and ran into the snow, screaming."

Completely out of nowhere, it seems. You can't have a character go from pampered bitching about sleeping in a tent to frenzied mania running out into a blizzard in the middle of the night. His psyche needs to build up to it, and we need to SEE him build up to it.

"My feet pushed up from the layers of snow with each step."

I don't even know what you're trying to say here.

For positives, I can say that the shortness of the story is good, as is the idea of isolation in such an unforgiving environment. But I quickly forgot why they were there, and the characters made illogical decisions I couldn't fathom, and described the action so poorly I can't imagine the narrator's friend making heads or tails of what happened from this account. Like many stories that are submitted to the wiki, it reads like it was written directly into the submission form and not even proofread. You should've posted this in the writer's workshop before contributing it to the wiki: it needs a lot of work before it's even readable, nevermind scary.