Talk:Rewinded Mind/@comment-24312240-20131223114159

Nice, really well-written and I especially like the way their deaths were written from the very beginning but in a subtle way. For a first pasta this is really good! I like the use of colloquialisms (slang language, like "y'know") as they help make it seem more personal and informal to the reader, more like your main character is talking to the actual reader rather than them just reading words on a screen. The whole thing has a good pacing to it, it doesn't feel rushed at any point, nor does it drag on and I like the repeat of why the friends don't contact Jeremy any more. Having the ending that you chose also makes sense of why he didn't start off by telling the reader that his friends were dead, that he genuinely didn't know.