Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36070549-20190530005143

Hello there. This story is based on The Diary, a mediocre Metroid creepypasta originally made by DrCaffeine5000 on the SOG wiki. This is mostly a test of my skills and unless it is well made I might rewrite the story from scratch. Anyways give some good critique and I am willing to listen to whatever you all say about my story. Enjoy.

It was a cold winter morning, with some amount of snow laying across the ground outside. Since his job will be renovating for a few weeks and he can’t go to work till it’s over, Austin had to find ways to pass the time without anybody else home. Since his brother was gone and all that, he started to look through his brother’s old room to find anything of interest. Ignoring the metallic smell of the room, he checked inside the mattress, which nobody looks into anyways, and found a few hundred dollars and a diary. He puts away the money into his wallet and brings both the wallet and the diary into his room to inspect them more closely.

When he got the diary dusted off, he saw that it was stained with some liquid, and the smell of metal was all over it. When he opened the diary, he read some of his brother’s life, what he thought about his family and friends, as well as games he played. One of these games he likes to play apparently was Metroid for the NES, and a show he likes was the Amazing World of Gumball. Nothing really interesting about reading this, until he reached the strangest part of them all. Austin after he read it was disgusted at this, and as such took it to the police station to have it investigated. This is what is inside the dairy…

'''June 3, 2014 So today I read that book I was recommended by my friend Shelly, which I got to say was a really great book! (This is referring to When The Legends Die, which was written about a few pages earlier) But after I read a chapter I wanted to play some Metroid, and I was about to get to Ridley after so long. When I made it to the boss room the game froze on me. I was kinda pissed at first but I calmed down and reset the game. When the game started though some text popped up, saying some strange things like “We will free you” and some other things like that. I still assume it's either an easter egg or something else, but I am still unsettled after all of that. At least I can look up anything about this tomorrow.'''

'''June 10, 2014 God last night was horrible, but at least it wasn’t as bad as the night before. At least I finally started to look up information about that weird bug in the game. I learned though that it’s not an easter egg and just some strange thing. After trying to play the game normally it kept on happening, so I told my mom about this and she said that we are going to replace it tomorrow hopefully. I hope this isn’t some haunted cartridge and just a bug.'''

'''June 16, 2014 So it's been five days since we replaced the cartridge, and I hate to say this but it came back. So being a haunted cartridge only isn’t the issue, but I am still considering that something weird is going on here. I decided to unplug my NES and give it to my brother to keep in his closet for the time being. Hopefully, this weird shit doesn’t get worse and just goes away.'''

'''June 28, 2014 What the hell is with today?!? When I tried to watch The Amazing World of Gumball today, the characters kept looking at me and even used my name. I told my mother and thank god she said that we are going to see a psychologist today so hopefully we can handle my mental health. I hope this is just a hallucination and not something else. Wish me luck.'''

'''July 15, 2014 Thank god for that psychologist helped me rid of these problems I’ve been having, and thank god my parents got me there on time in the first time, or else I would have gone insane. I looked up the news today and saw that there are some people seeing the same things I had, and there are some people who started to really go insane. I think this might be some haunted shit that is going in, but I should just forget about it and just avoid all electronics for the week. I’m going to go to the park tomorrow and get some fresh air. Good night.'''

'''August 23, 2014 It's happening again, just as I was about to fully recover from all of this. My parents are worried sick about me, but I should be fine hopefully. Also when I play Metroid, Samus will usually keep doing stuff that I never wanted to do, like jump to places that I didn’t want to go to or move on her own when I get a drink of my medicine and unpausing at the wrong times. Also when I try to watch the Amazing World of Gumball, the Waterson family will usually stare at the screen, go in circles to chat some song I don’t understand, and even talk about how “great it is around our perfect home,” which is just unsettling by itself, but then they will stare at me and will ask “what do you think?” I eventually just turned off everything and handed it over to my brother to handle. I just need to get some rest and let them know tomorrow about all of this. (There are some small stains on the page, with a stronger metallic smell)'''

'''August 25, 2014 So when I told my parents yesterday, we went back to our phycologist to find out more on what is going on with me, which sadly he didn’t know on what the hell is going on with me. He told me that we will have to wait till results came back, but god I have been not feeling good. I even found my nose has been bleeding since last night. Going to bed soon. Wish me luck tomorrow.'''

'''August 30, 2014 The CIA came over today to investigate us. I was scared and confused about why, but then I remembered that others are experiencing the same things I am experiencing, so I was afraid that this is serious. They asked me things like what has been going on with my mental state, what other symptoms I have been experiencing, and what places do I see these hallucinations at. I told them as much as I know, and it was three hours before they finally left the house. God this day has been weird, and I still see things on my computer and the living room tv screen. I just want this to be over.'''

(It's been three months before anything else interesting happens.)

'''November 3, 2014 I played Metroid again, and my god something strange again happened today. Samus looked at me and started to talk. I was almost about to turn it off when I suddenly stopped and sat straight. I don’t know why I did that, but I am glad that I stopped, as she started to speak to me. She told me of a place of happiness and joy, where you no longer have to be afraid. At first, I wasn’t convinced, but when she started to show me, people who joined her, I was hooked a little. Hopefully, I can talk to her tomorrow.'''

'''November 12, 2014 She talked to me again, and this time she asked me questions about my life, and every time I answer she will have me ask questions, and it will go back and forth. She told me more about her home, and how relaxing her home is. Well, at least I got someone to talk to for the time being, as my parents are going to be gone for a while and my brother has to go to work so we can have some food for the time being. She is a very nice person and very encouraging when it comes to goals I am working on. I need to rest up for tomorrow is when my brother is going to take me hunting. Night.'''

(There are useless entries for a few weeks until anything else interesting happens)

'''November 30, 2014 She started to talk a lot more often, and even with my parents gone and my brother at work she has been helping with some problems I’ve been having, including bullies at the park, and how to shoot a gun for hunting. She never once did try to convince me of anything great about her home today. Is she helping me, or is she trying to get to me? I am confused but at least I can shoot deer better. Going to cook some food before he gets home. Night.'''

'''December 25, 2014 It's Christmas, and that means presents and Santa! (well if he was real anyways) My brother gave me a Gameboy to play, and she talked to me through it again. She also gave me a present. It was a toy that my brother really wanted but never got. It was a great present for my brother and he really loved it. I hope he will enjoy it.''' (The present was a Nerf gun. This is also one of the reasons the brother was disgusted at this diary.)

'''January 1, 2015 Today is New Year's Day, and we got to shoot some fireworks into the sky. She hasn’t talked for a while but I saw a note on the TV today saying that she wishes me a New Year. I hate to admit to this but I smiled when I saw this. Wish me a good year.'''

'''January 5, 2015 She came back on my Gameboy, and she helped me get through the game a little today. Also when I watched The Amazing World of Gumball, the characters sat around the computer and spoke to me through a webcam. They told me that they talk to her every day and how miserable their lives been before they joined her home. I was kind of interested, as today I’ve been seeing my family less and less often, and I want to talk to them more often but it’s becoming more difficult to see them. I got to go to bed soon. Have a great night!'''

'''January 7, 2015 My brother isn’t home today, and things have been getting depressing. People won’t talk to me anymore and we are overdue on some bills. Shelly has apparently killed someone over something about how “life is painful” or something like that, but it's not important right now anyway. I am sadly still too young to go get a job, and the school has been shut down for a long while so I can’t get an education. I just need some more time to rest. Goodnight.'''

'''January 12, 2015 She talked to me again, but this time she had some friends over, including my parents! I was excited to see mom and dad again. They told me that she brought someone to retrieve them, and as such, they live with her now. She told me some more things about her life, and when she asked about mine I told her about the problems I’ve been having. She told me that everything will be fine and that things will get better, and if they don’t she will help me through the problems. I am going to go hunting by myself tomorrow. Hope I can get some deer for my brother once he gets home!'''

'''January 14, 2015 My brother has been becoming more distant from me, and he doesn’t talk much to me anymore. I wish he can, but I feel like I will become a dead weight to him if I try to get his attention. I hope things will improve soon.'''

'''January 30, 2015 I finally told her about what has been going on and how I feel like dead weight to my brother. She told me that it's time that she starts helping. The first thing she tells me is to contact my brother and come back to let her know on what is going on with my brother, so she can find out on what is the best action for me to do. I am going to try to call my brother tomorrow, and hopefully get any information on how he is doing.'''

'''February 2, 2015 My brother was as depressed as I was, but he was much worse when it came to cost and other things. I wanted him to get better but he couldn’t, and he even kept me off of him when I try to talk to him. When I told her she was sad, and she wanted me to know that I can help my brother if I do what she said. She will tell me what to do tomorrow. Wish me luck tomorrow.'''

'''February 3, 2015 I wasn’t with the idea she told me at first but it might be the only way to help my brother. She told me to get a gun, as she will need me to bring myself to her tomorrow. I was scared at first but she told me that as long as I’m in front of the screen I should be able to cross over when the time is right. I didn’t want to leave home but it’s for my brother, and as such, I am willing to do anything for him. Wish me a huge amount of luck tomorrow.'''

(There is a note on the back of the page that reads this…)

'''Dear Brother, I am going to miss you, but I want you to be happy, and as such, I have decided to cross over to her home. I know you are going to miss me, but I am simply dead weight, and although I want to stay, it is best for me to leave. I will miss you, but at least you know that I am safe and will always be with you. Love, Micheal.'''

After this was taken to the police station, Austin went back home to burn his home consoles and tv, and he slept horribly that day. Even with the horrible rest, Austin woke up ready to find out more on what the hell was going on, but when got online to search up more, he saw the news.

"Killer has been taken in for interrogation! Terrifying paranormal entity possibly behind this!"

'''Shelly J. Blublen, a loving friend of Michael Coldman, was discovered to be behind the murders of Michael's parents! Police have recently arrested her and have taken her for interrogation. The police found that the paranormal suicides are connected to her murders! Police have recently released a statement on the suicides and murders, stating that “We are currently working on this difficult state. But, we are getting closer than ever to finding the source and stopping any connections to the paranormal entity. For now, keep all electronics off and keep anybody with signs of depression away from screens. We have found that most victims of the murders and suicides usually have signs of depression and other issues. We are currently launching a program for depression victims to prevent further deaths.”'''

Shelly is currently being put on trial for her murders and might be placed on death row. 