Talk:Fat/@comment-25941663-20160325201811

There is a word missing here (Ctrl+F to find):

"that determination inside her to risk everything would never" - Something should go after 'never'.

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To be honest, I have mixed feelings about this. I absolutely loved the tone and voice of the narrating and I found the pacing perfect. But I didn't find this creepy and it lacked a real punch.

Sure, the ending was shocking (even though you gave it away too early in my opinion), but it felt kinda disconnected. I don't know how you could have made it work, but I feel you didn't give anything on how Mel became cannibalistic. One moment we see her stubbornly refuse to eat any food, and a couple sentences later she wants to eat another human being.

Personally I think there needs to be some description/foreshadowing of the change in between. I'm all for being straightforward and "sudden" in horror stories, but this doesn't make much sense. Maybe write some more on the period of not eating, showing us some signs of mental breakdown or something.

Overall, this was superbly written and the style you went with is awesome, but the ending (while very good on its own) feels disconnected.