Talk:Queen's Bay/@comment-24896639-20160813023931

Absolutely awful, honestly. I wasn't a fan of having the story told to "me". It would work better from a third person omniscient view. On the same topic, "young man" was used far too many times. It especially throws off the story if the reader is female. If you're going to tell "us" the story, make sure it's gender neutral, that way it can be read by anyone. Otherwise, like I said, it throws it off. The reasoning for it is weak also. "Your mom made me... don't know why, but apparently I have to. *shrug* Oh well,"