Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26399604-20160324185524/@comment-28055451-20160326031401

Hey Pal. So you want some advice? Alrighty then.

"She is mine – my sweet Melissa – the perfect name for one who holds such beauty as her. She is a goddess incarnate, casting her spell upon me. I did not foresee this, and yet how could I? Love can be without warning, and I have fallen for you. Even so, I shall protect you from harm." To be honest, this sounds a bit like a soap-opera. I understand that the character is meant to be a stalker/creep, but still, the dialogue is a bit melodramatic. Then again, the individual is insane, so it really doesn't matter too much. But your excuse for the melodrama is insanity. Perhaps if you turned the descriptions down ever so slightly. Don't get rid of them, because that makes it creepy. But tone it down a bit.

Also, the entire story isn't exactly 'creepy' It is supernatural, but it lacks spook. I would trash this one. Not necessarily the idea, But I would start from a blank slate. You have the talent for writing, you just need to rethink your story.