User blog:Helel ben Shahaar/Dead Serious

Share your best creepy/morbid/scary jokes here. Make the rest of us laugh, guy.

Jokes Stash:

What do the undead eat for lunch? Ghoul-ash.

The Skeleton walks into a pub, sits by a bar and says: "Give me a flagon of mead and a mop."

Why didn't the Skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts to do it.

What was the name of the ship that Dracula used to sail to England? "Blood Vessel".

Why did a team of witches lose the baseball game vs. Jersey Devils? Their bats flew away.

A frustrated cannibal threw up his arms.

How did the Skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.

What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a hyena? Not sure, really, but if it starts to laughs, it's a good idea to join in.

What happened at the cannibal's wedding party? They toasted the bride and groom.

What do you call a vampire with dislocated jaw? Megabyte.

How is it called when Lucifer's minions protest? Demonstration.

Do zombies eat pizza with their fingers? No, they eat pizza first.

A cripple and a blind man meet in the street. "How's it going, mate?" asks the blind man. "Well, you see..." starts the cripple.

A little ghost Luke comes home, only for his dad ghost to leap out before him wearing his mother ghost's gown. "Dad," asks the little ghost Luke, visibly shocked, "what are you doing?" The dad ghost strikes a pose and extends his arm to his ghost son. "Luke," says the dad ghost in a faux-serious tone, "I am just being transparent".

A mother bat hears screaming from her daughter's room. She races to the doors, and when she opens them, she sees her daughter gripping her sheets, shaking in fear. "What's the matter, dear?" asks the mum bat. "Mummy..." says the girl bat, "there is someone in my wardrobe." Having heard all this before, mum bat sighs. "Look, dear, I told you before: there is no Ozzy Osbourne in your wardrobe

Two vampires meet after many years and decide to go for a drink. After several rounds, they get into discussion over their jobs. "I work as a computer programmer," says the first one. "You?" "I work as a bodyguard for a group of rich young girls," says the other. "Best job ever." "How so?" asks the first one. "You see," says the second one, "it's a win-win situation: besides from being well paid, I never go hungry, and the girls themselves save fortune on pads."