Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20190702085504/@comment-9041013-20190702175956

Okay so, the whole technical aspect was covered by Christian so I'm not going to go into that. I'll dive straight to the plot instead.

I like your use of a unique undead creature, even though it's more of a spirit than a creature but I guess Hel will let it slide. I also like how you've tried to keep it as close as possible to the actual folk tales of said spirit. However I think you should avoid the use of the word "Rusalka" in your story because until the nineteenth century Rusalkas were regarded as something of a Slavic Nymph kind of spirit rather than a vengeful water ghost. This came about fairly recently. So if anything, ditch the name.

Also, according to records in order to be part of a crusading order you had to be properly religious and of good public record and character. So I kind of doubt the possibility of rape being perpetrated by members of the Teutonic Order, sure, slaughter of infidels (none including none catholic christians) would've been a thing, rape, I'm not so certain. You can let that slide though, cause most people only know that the crusading orders were basically warrior monks or soldiers with a religious goal.

The ending felt particularly wrong. As much as people might've been racist back then, Germans wouldn't call themselves "Aryans".

The term "Arya" means "Indo-Iranian peoples" in Sanskrit. It's the name of the people who were the ancestors of Indo-European ethnic groups in India and of various Iranic people groups. There's a hypothesis that states that the name means "Noble" but either way it was a south-western name and word until the Nazis found it, minsunderstood it, twisted it and brought it back to Europe under the guise of social darwinism.

Back in the 12th century Germans didn't have much of a national or ethnic identity but I'm certain a German man of the time wouldn't call himself Aryan either way. He might've referred to himself as a German or even a Roman considering the whole mess that was The Holy Roman Empire no Aryan though.

Also considering the geographic location of the Teutonic Order(s), the Slavic women they most likely have encountered were North Russians/Ruthenians and North Polish both have quite the similar phenotype to the German folk and the neighboring Scandinavians. Also, the Rus' were known for their "Rus" hair which is like a light brown/dark blonde hair color. I don't see how that whole "Oh wow, she looks so german" well of course, she lives in Northern bloody Europe, or rather lived.