Talk:Sophie's Here/@comment-5733573-20180813180612

There's the beginning of an interesting idea here. It kind of reminds of an old fairy tale about two sisters who encounter a demon girl in the woods. I think, with some work and finesse, this could be a really fun modern take on that story.

This story does need some shaping and some time and effort put into it. To start, I suggest picking one character's POV. Clarissa would probably make the most sense. You don't have to write it in first person, but choosing to tell us the story through one character's viewpoint will make it seem more focused. Secondly, the needs to be some reason why Sophie is coming after these kids. "She's evil" just isn't enough. It would be much more interesting and scary if they unwittingly do something to incur her wrath, so I suggest giving some thought to that. Finally, do more showing and less telling. For example, instead of telling us that the dog is beging tortured, describe what the girls can hear from their hiding place in the cupboard. Think about where else you could use one or more of the five senses to make the scene more vivid.

I think this story has the potential to be successful. It just needs a bit of TLC to get it there, so I hope you'll consider my comment. Also, I strongly recommend checking out the Writers' Workshop in the forums here on the wiki. It's a great place to get opinions and feedback on your stories before adding them properly to the wiki. Best of luck!