Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25177838-20140714160201/@comment-25558572-20140714233251

1. Why is this so long? It took almost twenty minutes for my ReadPlease to narrate it. And there's a lot you could have done to shorten it, considering the huge amount of unnecessary details. The entire half of the story up until the demon showed up seemed completely unecessary and could be shortened to a paragraph or two.

2. You switched several times from third-person persoective to first person. You can't do that in literature; you must pick one perspective and one tense (past, present or future) and keep it constant.

3. This follows the Jeff formula. A kid gets bullied and gets revenge on his bullies with overpowered strength and a simple knife. It wasn't scary at all and was heavily cliched, especially given the excess violence and gore.

This story won't be accepted, sorry. You need to come up with something original, don't base it off other stories or include overdone cliches like the ones I mentioned above. The page Creepy Cliches will help you recognize the worst cliches in creepypatsa.