Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5952769-20170125115538/@comment-28428152-20170331175614

Paragraph 6: "On that fateful Tuesday she got some attention she didn't want." This sentence seems a bit unnecessary and redundant, because in just the previous sentence you've already established that Meredith easily attracts attention. Since this is still the introduction of the story, each bit of information provided is going to be assumed by the reader to be important to the story, and by telling the reader that she commands attention, the suspense is built, because they'll be wondering how that information fits in, and since all stories involve conflict of some kind, the idea that she'll recieve some sort of attention is easily deduced by the reader, and explicitly saying that something is going to happen, the suspense is broken. Kind of like when you tell a funny joke, if you just leave the joke as it is, the effect is given and everybody gets the feeling trying to be evoked, but if you sit down and explain why the joke is funny, the effect is lost and it's no longer as funny. Here the suspense is built, but then by explaining why it's suspenseful, that effect is broken. I think this sentence should be left out.