Dreary Lane

We have all heard of the Muffin Man song. It is a song that has been sung for years as a nursery rhyme. Yes, the infamous muffin man that lives on Drury Lane. Except for one small detail that was wrong.

Drury Lane, pronounced Drewery, was actually DREARY LANE, forever changed to erase the horrifying events that occurred there. The horrors that everyone in London will dismiss and deny.

Dreary Lane was a street just like any other. Plenty of businesses lined the cobblestone street. There were lawyers, and tailors, and of course, a baker. The locals knew the owner as The Muffin Man. He was a gentle giant, with a big heart.

In the mornings, all the neighborhood kids knew that at exactly 8 AM, the Muffin Man would give away treats for free. In exchange for his kindness the tailor would make the baker clothes for free, due to his unusual height.

The only thing the Muffin Man asked was that the children come no sooner than 8 AM. It was his family recipe, and he didnt want them seeing him bringing the secret ingredients into his shop. The children were more than happy to comply, and things continued as normal. Businesses moved in and out as the years passed, with the exception of the tailor and baker.

Then one day, the tailors wife came home with wonderful news. The adoption had been approved. Charles, their new son, walked in behind her and hugged his new father. And everyone was happy.

That is, until Charles heard strange noises on his way to school one morning. They came from a nearby alley. It was two people yelling at first, and then he heard a large THUD. Curious, he peeked that direction and saw the baker wheeling off a barrow full of sacks. Realizing he must be getting his goodies ready, he raced to the shop to get there before the other children.

When he arrived however he saw something inside that made him uneasy. The shadow of the baker, raising what seemed to be a knife. He ran home and told his parents straight away. Assuring him it was fine, his mother agreed to go with him to show him its just the baker preparing dough.

After two hours they had not returned. The tailor was worried and went to ask the other children if they had seen Charles. They had no clue where his son was, and said they hadnt seen the Muffin Man either. This was odd, as it was now 10 AM and he ALWAYS had treats by 8.

The tailor decided to take matters into his own hands. He knocked on the door, only to have it creak open. As he walked around he heard grinding in the basement. Halfway down the steps he slipped on something. He fell, and hit the concrete hard. Upon recovering, he realized he had tripped over something rather large. Grabbing it in the dark, he brought it close to see.

It was an arm, bearing his wifes wedding ring.

Without hesitation he fled upstairs. Calling the authorities, he anxiously waited with the citizens of the town outside the bakery. The bakery was raided, and over 16 dismembered bodies were found, including previous business owners, and his family. On the table was a bloody scrap of paper, calling for mothers secret ingredient: Human Flesh.

The Muffin Man was never found. Some say he drowned himself in a nearby river. Some said he became Jack the Ripper. All we know for sure.....

Is that those muffins tasted REALLY GOOD.