Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25250799-20140801013112/@comment-25148755-20140801052210

I second everything Cassist said. I'll also touch on your grammar, or general lack thereof. Even if you fixed all the previous mentioned issues in order to get the story's content up to snuff, it would still be insta-deleted by virtue of your grammar alone. My guess is you wrote this story directly into the editor. I highly recommend using Microsoft Word or another processor with a grammar check function. It won't be perfect but it will certainly be better than what you have here.

I'll also comment on the content while ignoring the cliches: it isn't scary because almost nothing happens. You would need significantly more development and detail into this to make it scary. Minus the various cliches, your story basically breaks down to this: I saw a train. There were dead bodies inside. I couldn't reach control. I hooked the train up and drove for six hours. My train crashed. Looking at this as an outline, you could certainly make a story out if it but you don't have one with what you've got.