Talk:Jeff the Killer/@comment-24995749-20140528191522

This Creepypasta is awful. It's unrealistic, the characters are poorly developed, and it's not scary. The grammar’s poor and it's full of clichés. I only got through it because the character it goes with is so popular and I wanted to see the most popular background story for him. You shouldn’t like this story because it’s bad, and encouraging and accepting this kind of writing hurts the whole community. Here are some reasons it’s bad.

1. The three bullies just pop out of nowhere and demand money at knifepoint. These are kids, ages 11-13, and they're robbing people before school with knifes? No one does that, or at least, they're not developed enough to explain WHY they do that (not developed later on either). They just show up after their leader does a cool skateboard flip (cliché, boring) and bam, their KNIFE FIGHTING. Wasn't this supposed to be an affluent neighborhood too? Just who the hell are these kids and why are they robbing people like this?

2. The cops just show up and try to put him in juvy for a year, but don't they know about Randy and his gang? It sounds like they pull shit like this all the time, why would the cops believe them? Cops don't even have the authority to put someone in juvy like that, no due process? Jeff just accepts that he's fucked, and the author tries to rationalize his behavior by explaining his thought process. Nothing in this scene makes sense.

3. Jeff’s parents are the worst characters in the story. They just accept their son going to juvy; don't even try to fight for him. Just 2 days later, they're okay and want to send their other son to a birthday party, even though he clearly went through the traumatic fight too? What kind of parents act like that? Why aren’t they worried about their other son or the fact that both of their sons just went through a very dangerous fight.

4. The fight at the end was ridiculous. Bullies show up again, Randy makes himself into an even bigger cliché with his “I always win speech”, and then they’re fighting. None of the adults try to intervene even though it seems like they were struggling for awhile. It wasn’t a little schoolyard squabble either, the kids had fucking guns. Jeff sounds like he got the shit beat out of him too, but he was still going. Bottle broken over the head, kicks till he’s coughing blood, then after a taunt he’s reinvigorated and ready to go? Like an anime character, like this anime story… So Jeff fucking kills a kid, yeah, he’s dead. Clearly fucking dead, bloody and beat to shit. Dead. But anyway, someone dies and the other kids still wanna fight, they shoot their guns, and all the adults are still just watching. Especially Jeff’s parents who must love seeing their son get badly hurt and don’t care if he’s in danger. So then unrealistic skin bleaching happens, Keith does a cliché laugh thing before trying to ignite Jeff (no one acts like this in real life, especially a fucking 12 year old), and then the vodka actually ignites and engulfs him in flames. Liquor has to be at least 100 proof to be flammable like that, and most vodka’s are only 80.

5. So they’re at the hospital, everything’s okay cause Liu’s back, and Jeff’s parents are still nonchalant as fuck. They do a corny bandage reveal straight out of the twilight zone and even though Jeff’s face is fucked up they go home like everything’s okay. They even stitch Jeff’s old clothes back together even though they were covered in blood. Why can’t the hospital give him something else to wear out, or his parents? Why did they even go through the trouble of saving his clothes?

6. So now they’re home, Jeff looks like a complete freak but it’s just okay with everyone (after the brief shock they experienced at the hospital), and it’s also okay that he killed another boy and he’s not going to experience trauma over it.

There wasn’t one suspenseful or scary part of the story. The whole thing read like it was written by a twelve year old, and for a twelve year old, this story would be okay. Overall it still sucks though. There are other flaws in the story, but I didn’t feel like scrutinizing it that much. Final score:

<p style="margin:12pt0in;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">2/10

<p style="margin:12pt0in;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt; font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">Not scary, full of clichés, and highly unrealistic (not in a supernatural way that makes it okay in Creepypastas either).