Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25558572-20140606025710/@comment-4832646-20140606065649

This is very well done. I like it.

But from a point, it feels like a couple things have been left out. What happened to Corrie's arm? From what I've seen, it doesn't appear to have been mentioned. It left me a little puzzled.

That, and the punctuation of dialogue, as mentioned above.

My big issue though, is that this doesn't seem too much like a pasta. It's an exceptional story, don't get me wrong, but it seems a lot more like a love story than a story meant to unnerve or shock. Though that's made up for with what happened to the main character of the story, I suppose.

Also, I want to know more about the characters; Robin and Shanna in particular. For example, after it is said that Shanna watched the whole thing, Sean says that it must take more to watch it rather than do it. Was she forced, or is she is just as psychotic?

I also want to know more about the event that happened itself. Perhaps as a relation to one of the characters, say Sean or namely Serena, from Cordelia about it. When I finished reading the story, I was left with a bit of a question about what had happened. "Was that it?" kind of thing. There has to be something more to it.

But, this story is exceptionally brilliant. Almost Suggested Reading worthy.