A Tribulation Hallucination

 A Tribulation Hallucination

 It was more of an elaborate love story than any other idea my subconscious could have spurred up at the moment. This beautiful girl and I were enjoying the cool ocean breeze, sipping on our daiquiris as we enjoyed the beautiful sunset. All I ever wanted in life was right here in this one place. All my desires could be dissolved in this wonderful utopia that was right here, right now.

 My life was divided up into several short stories that could have been written by even the dimmest of poets. It was all cliche, perhaps a coverup for my real life. Nobody knew my true identity, not even myself, but I knew how I wanted my life to be, and that was enough for me to live. You see, I’m an author, “one of the best of our time” as said by New York Times. Due to my depersonalization disorder, although having a lot of leads to write on about, my life was in a mess. My dreams would switch on and off like that of a light switch, and when I awoke in the morning I’d still feel like I’m in a dream. Barely sane, my emotions contributed to a lot of my work, trapping me in an illusion where I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, thus making my writing very ambient, putting the readers into a mood that suits my liking.

 Note: The Dream Sequence before all this never mattered unless you desire it to matter.

 DS-101 “Shall we start then?”

 “Can you think of any other way for such an ingenious plan to unfold? I’ve been planning this out for many months, my oh my, for a lone straggler like you to become lost in this torture chamber of mine.” He had me in a dark room, blood staining the sickening walls of the once white room. “So how’s life back home? Are you having a fun time pretending to enjoy the ‘beautiful sunset’? Oh, oh, oh, and how about those ‘daiquiris’? Hah! You know nothing else except for the damned eternity of your own existence! How do we know if this is a dream either?! You sickening fuck, you disgusting son of the fucking devil! Now how about we do a little experiment, shall we?”  He lifted a scalpel up to his lip. “We’re gonna play a little game of follow the leader. Whatever I do, you have to follow, and you know what the best part about it is? You have no fucking choice.”  With a sinister smile he lifted the scalpel up to his lips, and with a horrific grin, started slicing away at his upper lip. Blood was spewing out all over my face and my body then. His upper lip now hanging half off his face, his malicious laugh proved too much for me to handle. “You fucking sadist!”  I cried out. “Sadist, hmm, oh yes, a sadist! Shall I start on your upper lip then?”

 One thing about dreams is that they can crumble, morph, and change inside the same dream.

 DS-101 ___ DS-102 “The sinister boogeyman”

 As soon as the scalpel grazed my lip it seemed as if the room flattened. I was no longer in that horrid room. I saw the man one last time, still with the big fucking grin on his face, oh the fucking grin! He waved to me, suggesting that I pay him a visit once more. The walls decayed, and it left me in an open space.

 I remember this place, it’s the place where I grew up. I was about 2 when we moved here, as said by my mom. I always remember being really scared in my room; I don’t know what it was, but I always thought my room smelled bad, and that there was someone or something in my room. It was daytime, about 3 o’clock, and all the kids were out on the streets playing kickball or tag or whatever games kids played when they were younger.

 Everything was exactly how it was when I was younger. All the houses were the same exact color, the air crisp and clean. All the kids were wearing light jackets and jeans, and the leaves were switched from a forest green to a mix between an orange and a red, it must have been autumn. That brought a warm feeling to my heart, and I was happy that this followed what must have been hell only a few seconds ago.

 Navigating my way through the neighborhood, I made my way towards my old home. My house was decorated in Halloween ornaments, ghosts and ghouls plastered the outside walls of the complacent blue. I looked in the driveway, and to my surprise I saw myself playing with a toy car mom had bought for me when my 7th birthday came around. My seven year old self looked up at me and smiled. Once again that warm feeling in my heart came back to me, and I felt happy for once in my life, like I could be content with staying here forever. Seven year old me pointed to the door, offering me a place to stay.

 I felt odd when going in the house, like something like this has already happened. I stood in the same place for a few minutes remembering a flashback to when I still lived here. I was young, embracing the beautiful toy car that my mother had bought for me that day. “Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom! Can I please go outside and play with the car in the driveway?”  I remember myself saying those words like it was only yesterday. “Ok, you go out there and I’ll be there in a sec.”  I was overjoyed, I went out there and immediately took the prize for the fastest car in the race. I saw a man come up to my driveway with his hands in his pockets. He was looking in awe at all the decorations mommy had just put up. I smiled at him, and he gave me this comforting smile that he knew this place well. Figuring it was the man that made daddy leave mommy, I welcomed him into my house. As he walked up to the door, he stopped for a minute. I don’t know what he was doing or thinking about, but when he finally opened the door he looked at me, the smile was wiped off his face; it seemed as if he was concerned.

 I came back to reality, I looked at my seven year old self and couldn’t comprehend what was happening. We walked in and my mom looked straight at my younger self, not even paying attention to me. “Mommy look who came over to our house! Is this that man that daddy got mad about?”  She was astonished to find out her son knew about that, but quickly wiped it off her face and faked a smile. “Why honey, there is no one here with you. If there was I would have a long talk with him.”  She had an evil grin on her face, almost like the one the surgeon had. “But mommy, there is someone here with me! I promise!”  He pointed towards me. “Joey, I don’t see anybody with you, maybe you just have an imaginary friend! What’s his name?”  My seven year old self looked at me for an answer, but I was too shocked to even answer. “His name is Alex, and me and him are gonna be best friends.”  My mom looked happy, this time not faking a smile. “How about you show Alex to your room then?”  My seven year old self looked scared. “But mommy there’s monsters in my room!”  My mother’s face completely changed. “Stop talking about those damn monsters! There is no monsters in your room Joey! God damnit why can’t my son just grow up and be like all the other kids on the block? Why did I have to get stuck with the weird child? Why God why?! Why place me in this fucking hell hole?!”  My seven year old self started to back away from my mother, obviously scared. I wanted to cry at this point, seeing that my mother was a fucking lunatic.

 I walked with my seven year old self and took him away from my mother. We stopped at my old room, the picture of my mom, dad and I in crayon was still taped to my door. I looked at my seven year old self. “This used to be my room when I was your age.”  I ran my hands along the bedroom door and went for the doorknob. “No, don’t open up the door.”  My seven year old self grabbed my hand, looking horrified. “There’s something in there, and it smells really bad. Mommy told me not to worry about it, that it would all get fixed soon enough.”  I knew what I had to do at this point. I crouched down next to my seven year old self. “Listen, I need to open this door. I need to see my old room again, see how different it is compared to yours.”  My seven year old self was shivering, but nodded. I went for the doorknob, determined to figure out what was inside of this room.

 I opened up the door and the stench, the horrible stench, filled up inside my lungs. I wanted to throw up. I looked inside the room, the floor was covered with blood. Blood laced the walls, and the bed was filled with organs. The heart was there, lips, the intestines, the liver. It was all there! I looked up at the wall, oh the fucking wall. The motherfucking wall! I cringed at the site of it. My father, my own fucking father, was nailed to the wall. His stomach was cut open and his eyes were gouged out of his sockets. His lips were removed, his lip- “Don’t you find it beautiful ‘Alex’? Don’t you just find it fucking marvelous what your mother could do to your father ‘Alex’?”  My seven year old self’s eyes darted back and forth between me and my mother. “Oh Joey, can’t you see it? Beyond my eyes, beyond my white blouse.”  Her white blouse was stained with sickening red blood. “I just wanted a normal fucking child Joey! You were nothing, you were worthless! Your father thought not, your father thought that you could be normal just like all the other boys and girls out there. Your father even went as far to say that you were better than all them! Well I beg to fucking differ.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> Her face was morphing, she wasn’t herself anymore. She became distorted, her body was shifting in size. I started pinching myself, begging to wake up. “Come on wake up Joey, wake up.”  I looked up, my mother’s body was lying lifelessly on the ground in the pool of blood. “Oh don’t you see now Joey? Don’t you see what I truly am?”  I found myself looking at the surgeon once more. “Bingo! Now wouldn’t you like to know what I’m doing in your dreams? Well think back to that wonderful day with the daiquiris, and how perfect you felt. Do you remember the ashes that were falling that day? Do you remember the girl, and how you both were laughing and having a grand ol’ time?”  I wanted to go back to that dream, it was heaven compared to this place. “Joey, you do realize what you two were doing right? Why you two were so lovestruck?”  I kept thinking about it. “Shut the fuck up! I don’t know who you are or why you’re here!”  The surgeon was taken back, but after a second laughed it off. “Let’s just say I’m your dream keeper. I can control your dreams, oh and just for you, I can control your reality as well!”  He kept on laughing. “In your dream with the beautiful sunset, you were torturing people, killing them and cooking them for your dinner! You burned the entire town, and you were just happy with it! I couldn’t control that dream, that was your true self. So for now I’m gonna make you fucking pay.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> I was pinching my arm as hard as I could, trying to wake myself up. My dream keeper was nearing me, licking his knife and humming a song. “Wake up now!”  I begged for myself to wake up, my dream keeper still walking toward me. “You can’t wake up Joey, because you’re already awake!”  I didn’t believe it, I couldn’t be awake right now. My dream keeper was on top of me now. “Say goodbye Joey!”  Everything was moving and shaking now, the entire room turned black, and I was the only one there. I felt at ease in that moment, like I was finally gone from that place.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> DS-103: “Cremation Time”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"> I was on a table, getting shoved into an oven. A pig was holding a butcher knife with a bunch of blood on it. The pigs face was covered in human flesh and blood. Just before the oven he stopped rolling the table and got in front of me. He took his knife and struck down on my leg.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-align:center;"> Note: In dreams you don’t feel pain, but don’t let that fool you

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> The pig was sawing at my leg, and I could feel every single cut like I was in real life. I was screaming and begging for the pig to stop, but he just went limb to limb. After he cut off my arms and legs, he pushed me in the oven. I looked back at him, and I swear to you that bitch was smiling, smiling and oinking all the while I was being burned alive. The floor dropped from underneath me, and I found myself standing up outside of my old high school.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> DS-104: “Is your life really a dream, or is it the true reality?”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> I opened up the doors to my school, my body still intact, and walked inside. Everything was silent, the only thing I could hear were the echos of me walking. I walked past a door and noticed something odd, there was a reflection, well more like a video of myself. It showed me when I was just born and how happy my dad was. My mom was laying there, disgusted with what she just produced. I could hear echos through the hall of the sounds that were happening in that time. My dad was crying, I was crying, and my mom wasn’t saying a word. All of a sudden they looked at me, suggesting that I should go away. I backed away from the mirror and walked down more of the hallway.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> As I was walking I heard voices saying “Is this reality? Or is this just another dream?”  I saw another video in a different mirror, it was of me when I was seven. I didn’t want to go through it anymore, but I wasn’t able to move. I looked at my mom comforting me and telling me that there are no monsters in my room. All of a sudden, my dad came behind my mom and slit her throat with a steak knife. Blood squirted all over my face, but I didn’t start crying, I sat there and looked like I was the one who did it. My father was crying as he nailed my mother up on the wall. My seven year old self looked at me, and pointed to my right as if to keep going.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> As I was walking I heard more echos. “Well you’re walking down a good ol’ fashioned memory lane aren’t you? Are you finally learning more about yourself and what you did?”  I held my head and started crying out “shut up! Shut the fuck up you monster!”  I stopped at another video. This time it was me, walking down the same school hallway I was in. The image faded away, and the image of my dream keeper came up.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> “So do you realize now what you have done?”  I slouched against the wall and sat on the floor, my head in my hands. “You never were real, what you thought was your reality was really your dreams. In your dreams you wanted to be this perfect person who could stop all evil that you were causing in your reality. When you were referring to the ‘monsters in your room’ you were really talking about yourself. You knew you were the monster, and your mom didn’t believe you, so what better way to show her that you were? You had your dad kill your mom, you brainwashed him into thinking that he would be God if he killed her. Your parents were always so gullible weren’t they?”  I didn’t want to believe this man, I wanted to think that he was just a babbling drunk idiot in my dream. “So what about my dream with the daiquiris and the sunset?”  I asked. “Your dreams were infused with the reality of things. You were never able to actually feel the reality, that’s why you feel that some dreams are your reality. Can’t you see now? I’m you from the reality, I’m what you are when you get released from this place, and I’m gonna take your spot in this dream.”

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.15;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;text-indent:36pt;"> I didn’t want to understand it, but I understood it perfectly. “So the girl in my first dream?”  I wanted to confirm my thoughts. “She was your good side, your dream side. Your mother always told you that it was ‘depersonalization disorder’ that you suffered from, but you figured out at a young age that it wasn’t just that. You figured out that you had split-personality disorder, and realized that you could do whatever you wanted and not remember it if you went into your dream side. This side you’re in right now, it’s not real. You tried to make this life work to escape me. The truth is, you’re terrified of your real side, you feel like you can’t control what happens there. You know what you have to do now.”  I stood up and wiped the tears away from my eyes. I looked at myself in the mirror, and didn’t just see the dream keeper as an image anymore, I saw him as a reflection. I looked at myself one last time in the mirror, then opened the door.

I woke up in my bed with a huge smile on my face. I walked into my living room and picked up my scalpel. “Oh am I gonna make you guys my test subjects. Can you think of any other way for such an ingenious plan to unfold? I’ve been planning this out for many months, my oh my, for a lone straggler like you to become lost in this torture chamber of mine.”