Talk:Queen Justine and the Cutest Little Shing/@comment-25170312-20150913005842

Sorry to say, I can't give this one a good review. Here's the damage (brace yourself!):

Very creative, but I wasn't crazy about it. I felt it would have had more impact if it had been cut down. A lot of it seems like filler because it's written like Drexler is just a character, not a real guy that we are supposed to relate to. Even the testimony from Morgan, which is the main focus of the story, seems to meander endlessly. Towards the end, you could really just read the questions from DrexIer and get the gist of what Morgan is saying to him. I also found the dialogue itself to be too much like a TV show, which prevented me from seeing the characters as real people and so I couldn't connect with them.

Morgan's story started out intriguing but went on way too long. We didn't really learn anything about Morgan as a person, just about different events that happened to him and how they led to the creation of Justine, and eventually the murders. He tells the story like he's writing a story where a guy tells a story. He also acted too normal during it. I mean, he must have been incredibly nervous knowing he was going to eventually reveal the scars. It seemed like he was totally calm for most of it. I had no idea he was going to suddenly start freaking out, but there should have been suspense leading up to that. It should have been intense, but I felt nothing.

I also thought it was strange that the daughter didn't just tell her dad that she drew Justine. Why keep it a secret? Would he have been upset? Maybe she was shy about it? There should have been a reason for us to surmise. The twist was okay, but why would Justine write SHING? It doesn't describe why the girl should have died, which doesn't correlate with the words used for the other victims. It's kind of contrived, to be honest.

You know I know you're a great writer, but I don't think this is a good example of your capabilities.