Talk:In the Depths of a Portuguese Lakebed/@comment-24864717-20151227055426

Welcome to CreepyPasta, man!

As far as your story goes, it has an interesting premise and a classic plot twist. You have an overall very strong skeleton and the makings of a good story... a vicious legendary beast, and the situation that leads up to Susan's encounter with it is within the realm of plausability. So good on you for that.

There are a few problems, though. Your writing style is generally unwashed, but you'll get better with time and experience. Try tightening things up a lot, shortening the parts where nothing is happening, personalizing Susan's experiences by showing rather than telling about them. And your impact points need to be a lot stronger. Your story simply failed to scare me in any meaningful ways, and that's because you didn't dwell on the really shocking parts... you just kind of mentioned them and moved on. So I recommend working on your pacing.

Anyway, congrats on your first 'pasta and again, welcome to the community. Keep writing.