Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29270351-20160519085835/@comment-28266772-20160519145143

While you are free to post your story in parts on the writer's workshop I feel it is important to emphasise that the wikia itself does not accept stories that are not complete. Furthermore by posting stories in parts you severely hurt our ability to offer feedback. It is like asking a food critic to review a restaurant when they have only tried the tea.

As it stands you still have a lot of problems with syntax and grammar. More important than anything else you must choose a tense and keep it consistent. This is vital to any work that is written in English. Changing tense is very bad practice. You still need to do a lot to bring this story up to quality standards. Nonetheless this story does show improvement over your last work, and the plot is at least more interesting. It also has a distinct beginning, middle and end, which is also an improvement. Plus the aswang is a fascinating cryptoid, and a great choice for a story.

In terms of plot I would recommend you shorten everything that isn't important. That means cutting almost all of the beginning. It is not interesting, and does not contribute to the story. The reader only needs to know that the narrator has travelled to the Philippines for their job of reviewing of food for a magazine. Details such as their bosses squeaky voice, or how many people checked into the hotel, are not important and only serve to bore the reader.

Still, it's nice to see that you have made progress. Good luck with your future work.