User blog comment:DeadBoyWalking/WHY DO I SUCK BALLS AT THIS?/@comment-10950063-20140126050436

Okay, let's see. I'm only looking at the circus one, because the other one was deleted for being a spin-off.

First off, there is a lot of glaring nonsense. The family enters a tent filled with corpses and no one reacts. At all. That's not right. Neither is a father and son watching their wife/mother be MURDERED in front of them and their only reaction is puking. Apparently, this kid's "signal of fear" doesn't start going off until the literal Devil shows up and it's only then the he and his dad decide they should leave. Then at the end, this five-year-old boy somehow, without any problems, outruns the forces of Hell on their own turf.

So, you have big plot and writing issues.

Next, there is no subtlety. "De-a-Min's Happy Circus" is super obvious, it becomes silly when you have it switch to "Demon's Hell Circus" for a moment. There's no build. At all, from the first sentence you hammer us with "HERE'S A TALE OF TERROR!" and you never rest. There's no slow accumulation of creepiness. Right after "Demon's Hell Circus," you have a devilman tell the character he's going to be there forever. "What costume?" It doesn't work. It's like you're trying to make a cake by just dumping sugar into a bowl. "taking the souls of everyone watching and taking them to HELL!" It's all just so over-the-top it becomes ridiculous.

Cliches aren't your problem. It's story telling. This really feels like a kid trying to write a Goosebumps book. I'm not trying to be mean, it's just the closest thing I can compare this too.

I would suggest you do a lot of reading. Not creepypasta, but actual books or short stories. Learn how to tell a story effectively, learn pacing, how to build imagery, how not to put every aspect of your story on blast. Take more time when you write, think about how people would react to the situations your characters are in.

You absolutely cannot blame admins for this. If you choose to keep that attitude and way of thinking, then you're screwing yourself over because you can't become better without being honest with yourself and being self-aware.