User blog:CrazyWords/My First True Review: Nightingale, by HumboltLycanthrope

''Note: Please read the pasta Nightingale before reading]]

First thing's first, congrats on the Nom. This is an amazing story, not a surprise since it was done by the Lycanthrope. Well, I hope this review is as good as the story!

Ok, let's start with something that really bothered me. The part where he describe the Virgin Mary? That sounded like he was being a lot more... deliberate. It didn't sound like anything else he had said. It sounded like he didn't like to over-describe things, which was good in this tale. But at that part, by using "A relatively common image. Yet her eyes appeared to be bleeding, the blood running down her cheeks like crimson tears."

That was way too descriptive, compared to the rest of the story. While it was a Humbolt style sentence, it wasn't a Daniel style sentence.

I would recommend changing it to "It seemed natural enough. Besides the red streaks running down the sides of the figure, those gave me the shivers." Or something like that. Just not too... Fancy. I also think you could expand on the concept of her being a devil-worshipper, and add some darker things.

As you mentioned on my TP, there were some grammatical errors, but those added to the story.

I would now like to talk about Nightingale. I think you could have expanded on his true being a little more by showing small glimpses of dark behavior, or feeding habits. The Empress could also have temporary servants, who went missing after being seen with Nightingale. I think that taking away his ability to speak added character, but took away a lot of ability to show that the transformation was going to occur.

If you added that in, you could have it where he only spoke to the Empress. Also, he could have heard then one time speaking in strange tongues. Then he looked through a... keyhole (I don't know) and saw them sitting across from each other with a circle of candles, or something like that.

I don't understand why you had the electronic piano in there. Was it supposed too show how Nightingale was secluded? I think it would've been creepier if it happened when he was pushed away by one of the warriors, then when Daniel was focusing on the real battle, he came back as the demon.

Also, how did Daniel instantly know that the monster was Nightingale? It could've been one of the girls, or one of the guests. How did he know?

Why didn't the Empress fire Nightingale if he wasn't doing anything? I didn't seem like the Empress would tolerate such behavior.

TL;DR The story was amazing, just there is some things to improve on.

All in All, 78/100. I would a higher score is there wasn't so many questions.

Please comment if there's anything I could improve on! Thanks! Mudkip out.