Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25623211-20141104184838/@comment-24056975-20141106202355

Ok, it's looking pretty good. I'm also at the point where I've read it so much that it's hard for me to pick up on anything, so I'm going to back away after this round.

Second paragraph, "Part of my sleepy chains fell away." I don't see anything technically wrong, it just doesnt flow right to me.

Third paragraph, "Twelve time." This should probably be "Twelve o'clock."

Sixth paragraph, near the end. "dead" should be capitalized.

Aside from that, I think you're about done. Maybe have someone else read it over, then submit it.