Talk:A Fun Night Out/@comment-25381229-20140903151958/@comment-25226524-20140903181022

This being your first, I think you did a pretty good job with it. You did a great job of pulling me into the scene, the flow was pretty much spot on with the length, and there are almost no issues that stand out to me.

The concept is creative, and I think you did a good job of instilling dread as you mentioned. I didn't see anything that needed editing, but I did feel like there were a couple places you could've used contractions to make the sentence read smoother. Other than that, this is a really good effort. Keep writing.

P.S. You may get some grief over using the word sluts because many people have a hard time realizing that the protagonist is just a character and doesn't necessarily reflect the personality of the author. I wouldn't worry about it, I just wanted to give you a heads up since I've noticed some commenters can be pretty sensitive to certain terms. I wouldn't compromise the integrity of your writing because of this, but it's up to you. In my opinion, it's their problem, not yours.