Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36554399-20190112062252/@comment-36627132-20190112141434

Spelling and grammar issues: First off, the formatting is very off, most of the paragraphs are seperated by three or four spaces. On top of that this story is filled with unnecessary capitalizations and missing spaces between commas, periods, and colons. There are a ton of apostrophes missing, like in the word "I'm", "I'll" (which you also forgot to capitalized) for example. You often confuse "you're" with "your", remember "your" = possessive, "you're" = you are. "For somewhat reason you answered" "somewhat" means "kind of", therefore "For kind of reason you answered" does not make sense. The story also suffers from awkward wording, using wrong words, and grammatic train wrecks ("Looking around for any signs of your cool.")

Plot issues: The story feels more like a fable about not responding to texts from strangers than an actual Creepypasta, especially because of the line "I hope you all learned a lesson today.Be grateful for what you have,And Don't trust strangers online". The story is pretty lacking in creepy content, with the exchange taking up most of it. The only part that can be considered creepy is the part where the character's soul is replaced, but even that falls flat. "The Mimic is a soul that takes the bodies of kids online" I could make a joke about people trying to do that in real life, only succeed in meeting Chris Hansen, but I'm going to take the high road and use this as an oppertunity to give you advice. To an adult reader this makes the story even less scary. The fact that this story is told in the second person ("you") and supposed to be about a school child alienates older readers and cuts your audience in half.