Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26445836-20160320073239/@comment-24101790-20160320075301

It's got a lot of issues with it and it is currently not up to quality standards. If it were uploaded in its current form, it would likely be marked for deletion due to numerous capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues. Note this is not a comprehensive list and you really should proof-read your work before posting it for review.

Capitalization: Remember to capitalize proper nouns (names, places, brands, etc.) and to not capitalize random words. "The Young man, his name was steven, and his wife, her name was jessica". You also need to capitalize the start of sentences properly. ("me. which was weird.", "time. oh I miss him dearly.", etc.) You also need to properly capitalize "I".

Punctuation: You forget to use commas a number of times throughout the story. "Then steven's mother stuffed so much bread down her throat she died(,/.) her muffled voice saying the whole time "I am a toaster".", "Hello there this is the story of my former owners after all you did ask about them.". Punctuation missing from sentences: "He had just married the love of his life, and then I came along". Apostrophes missing from contractions: "Well, thats my story and remember I AM A TOASTER.".

Wording issues: Numerous typos: "their house was being fumigated (sic) for nasty termites.", "jessica tried to devor an electrical socket,", "I would help them start their new life togather by cooking toast for them.", etc. Numerous wording issues: "Jessica's poor body had caught a spark and the house burst into flames the building burning down all around us", "Within the hour A pair of strange men, I think they were called "police officers".".

Story issues: The story is really rushed, glosses over pretty large events ("he also says that were are brothers. Then the men killed him, I Don't know why. Later on they gave me a new friend."), and really needs a lot of re-working to make it coherent. The ending feels really anti-climactic and shoe-horned into the story to try and wrap it up quickly. ("Well, thats my story and remember I AM A TOASTER.") What started this monologue, why is someone asking about the 'toaster's' previous owners, etc? In its current form, it doesn't meet the bare minimum quality standards for the site. I would suggest completely reworking this if you're going to try to salvage the story.