Talk:Erika/@comment-5324831-20150811014419

Interesting concept, but I didn't care for this execution. The story just kinda happens, rather than building up and paying off, leaving me both un-entertained and with a few critiques. I like your writing style, so please accept this as constructive critiscm for future projects.

Had Erika been presented as an unstable person, the plot unfolding could be interpereted as her overreaction for vengence, but other than that there is no co-relation between her character--obviously intended to be pronouced due to the POV--and the latter parts of the story. The whole turn of events seems unmerited, as there is no supernatural set up. As it begins with Erika's POV detailing her as a normal 16 year old, it juxtaposes her sudden transition into this ghost creature. She isn't experiencing severe anxiety or displaying symptoms of anything else suspect, so a) why did the spanking kill her, and b) why did she evolve into this ghost?

Why did Mr Johnson warrant his death? Seriously, spankings were pretty common place as a form of discipline, and if his death is due to the characters reaction, why isn't Erika protesting in her final POV, or planning to take revenge? She just kinda takes it. If she is being overtaken by another being, what is it and why, of all targets, did it choose her?

I have some more nitpicks, but I would like to hear your responce first. Please let me know if I clearly misunderstood something. This piece has clearly grabbed my attention (Hell, this is my first activity on this wikia) and I eagerly await discussing this creepypasta (which has brilliant potential) with you.

P.S. Why is it NSFW? Because of the spankings and mentioning of D-cup? Not sure that is even PG-13 level.