Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5542146-20181031081309/@comment-35911608-20181103004715

D. Compton Ambrose wrote: So, basically what it needs is far less detail, which would cut down on the length. I need to give the monsters more personality as well, and write a better ending (I'm not good at endings honestly). Also, could you elaborate on what you mean by "nothing is shown" and what could be done to address the "no creep feelings" or "build up to terror"? Sure. First I'll start by apologizing on using the wrong term. You do Show your story instead of just Telling it (you don't ONLY write "Ian was abused as a kid. Then Ian got in a fight at school. Then Ian... etc etc).

The problem is that this doesn't feel at all like a horror story, but a biography. There's far too many details on what *made* Ian crazy, and almost nothing about the actual thing the reader and Ian should be *fearing*. I can't see whether or not the monsters need MORE personality, because I never got far enough to LEARN more about the monsters, because there was too much exposition about Ian's life. I hope you see where I'm coming from now.

Writing wise, I think you're fine, but you really gotta draw the reader's attention more. It really turns into a history book really quickly, and the creepy sauce is lost in Ian's excessive development.