Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34823985-20180503003144/@comment-9041013-20180503110649

That is a very unconventional piece of Kolpik fiction right here, good good. Gone are the kids and the tiny creatures that make weird plotlines.

Nah, I'm kidding, you're a good amateur writer, like the rest of us.

Do I like this? absolutely. Do I think something is missing? yeah.

I really like this thing about how a person's conginitve dissonance, and for once, a legit one - unlike internet Vegans tend to talk about, and a person's survivor's guilt trips them to the bring of their sanity. Let me make this clear as day, This woman isn't woman. She made the right decision, according to her freudian Id. Her whole decision making process throughout this "survival situation" is centered around a battle between the various parts of her personality, basically her Id (the instincts and animalistic traits) is urging her to survive at the cost of anything, including getting rid of her bestie to ensure better chances while her Super ego (societal norms, morals, and so on and so forth) tell her she is not supposed to hurt a person she loves, or a person in general. It seems like the way she's decided to kill Cindy is a middle ground between both. Slow death that doesn't require too much attention from you to the act of murder. It's slow, it's barely noticable and it's somewhat excusable. If she was stressed for long enough, perhaps traumatized by something else at around the time of the incident, perhaps she would be able to avoid this so called murder guilt.

Now here's why she did not get over her super ego, that's because once the danger was gone, her Id had gone quiet again, she became a "civil" "everyday woman" "just a Jane Doe" kind of person, once again and thats where the dissonance comes in, her Super Ego went ballistic on her Ego (self) which made her dub herself as Evil and as a person worth of death, thus pushing her towards a self defeating outlook and depression which eventually lead to her suicide.

She isn't bad, she did the human choice, she just wanted to survive - that bad.

I like how you managed to keep the act of prolonged murder timid yet still horrible, dehydration is terrible. It also wrote itself well into the story, as you kept on mentioning the fact that the women were stranded for days. Dehydration to the point of death takes about a week and a half.

Personally, I would've loved if you made it so that the last day on this raft is after Cindy is already dead, but Lacey doesn't know she is. Here's the thing, morticians a lot of time say they hear moans and groans come out of corpses as the air escapes from their lungs and bodies which could explain why Cindy appeared to be barely alive, but that's just me, and I've dissected this piece enough already.

That's the good stuff, how nice of you to display the darker corners of a normative human being's mind.

Now for the bad, you've to decide where it's Lacey or Stacy, because the the title says one and the first few paragraphs say the other. "After contancting 172 people who were friends with Stacy..." derp.

The transition from the posting narrator's and Lacey's post is kind of shit, I'll admit, I probably did it too but I hate when it goes like "Here's a story I'm posting someone else wrote *next paragraph* "I'm a new narrator, hello!" You should add "The post read as such" or "The following is the post made by" something like that. Makes it seem like the first narrator really cares about spreading this message and his readers.

Also, how about a closing statement by the original narrator, as like a qoute or something says, "No man is ever truly good. No man is every truly evil. I do the things you never could and we will never be equal!" (These are lyrics) in regards to the fb post he just shared, seems like a less ubrupt ending to your story.

I think this is the best one you've come up, plot wise, cause mechanically you're never really off.