Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24248644-20150115223237/@comment-25913561-20150118121555

Hello sgy0003,

All in all this story could be very promising :) I'm certainly interested in where it may go in the future :)

I'm not going to list the issues I had while reading it, as they are the same as those pointed out by Whitix before me.

But to start off I would advise plunking this whole thing into Microsoft Word or even Facebook, they will both point out typos and spelling mistakes and even grammatical errors.

I also agree that the tunnel didn't really feel creepy... I certainly agree there needs to be something more to the tunnel, and the man needs a worse experience inside the tunnel.

As for suggestions, I'll list a few that pop into my head randomly; The man might read a paper or listen to the radio, noticing that it talks about something like "more people have gone missing in ____ they were last known to be taking this road and their car was found in/near/around the tunnel". Perhaps the tunnel could be endless, perhaps something rams into the car, perhaps the car breaks down and when he gets out there's blood on the road (like flooding it, not just a little puddle), perhaps something chases his car, perhaps he drives for hours and hours and comes out near the diner again, perhaps the waitress herself is the monster and drugs his coffee only to track him down in the tunnel and kill him.

Whew, that's enough brain storming, my head hurts XD

Anyway, basically this story needs some touch ups and some more flavour/direction. It certainly has potential, and I'll be interested in seeing where it goes :D

Best of luck :) o/