Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25980873-20160117194430/@comment-26326346-20160130123322

Good job! I liked it from start to finish. I do have a suggestion for you in regards to something that felt a bit out of place to me. The conversation between Cyrus and "the Father" seemed a bit off to me. Cyrus did not seem offended at all, but rather calm and collected which struck me as weird.

__________________________________________________________________ I would recommend changing some of the discussion starting with "Business? What business?” I asked- to something like "Inconvenience? Your daughter killed my sister!"

____________________________________________________________________ That's just my opinion though. Whatever you go with in the end will work and be fine. Just trust your gut and go with what you think will suit the story better. It was really good and that was the only minor criticism that I have. Good job :D