Talk:The Pastel Man/@comment-25170312-20150713034319

I liked it, but it's a little too overexplainy. Here's an example:

''When I agreed to the bargain at my office The Pastel Man had told me what room the driver was being kept in. His injuries were far less severe than Mathew's so he was in a different wing of the facility.''

^ Lines like these are very boring to read. You give so much inconsequential information in this pasta that it reduces the emotional impact (at least for me it does). I found myself not really caring about the protagonist until the very end.

I was also confused as to why the protagonist didn't ask The Pastel Man right away why it wanted to make the deal. Why wouldn't he ask why The Pastel Man wanted to help his father? It never said why. Perhaps this is open to interpretation, but I felt it was a plot hole.

Overall, it succeeds at what it's trying to do, but the writing is clunky in a lot of places and too much information is given to the reader in uninteresting ways. Still, The Pastel Man is a refreshing change from most pasta villains. Kind of reminded me of the Door Lords in Adventure Time. I give it a 6/10.