Talk:Day of the Worm/@comment-26054278-20151027212637/@comment-26054278-20151028193431

The opening is much improved, as I forgot to mention that the original intro seemed a little like a weird blogpost and very casual in comparison to the more details parts of the rest of the story.

I can pick up a tiny bit more about the character (and honestly the gender references didn't matter to me and I didn't exactly consider them when reading the story originally), but I think my argument still stands and the final "twist" has pretty much the same lack of impact it originally did.

I still urge an expansion to this story, but as for the character, we need to either like him more or feel more sympathy at first for him. The whole part about the foster home and the orphanage seems a bit crammed in there and a bit random, but I think that if it was expanded more and introduced to the reader in a different way, it would make us feel more sorry for him, therefore making us feel a greater amount of pity and sympathy at the very end.