Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26416562-20150605010801/@comment-24466828-20150605013011

Firstly, you could work on the grammar. I don't want to be mean but you have a ton of grammar errors.

First paragraph. *too

Second Paragraph. *a

Third Paragraph. *At night / *I also wash my hands as I do always / *I usually have good dreams when I go to bed

Fourth Paragraph. *When I wake up / *look / *Did I mention how much I watch you (you don't need to include "though" / *I leave every time you leave

I reccomend checking for grammar mistakes or re-reading your stories because spelling looks to be a bit hard to you. If you have a parent or family member then you could ask them to help correct your story.

Secondly, you could make this a bit longer. Then the plot twist might work better and it might be more noticeable. Read The Portraits because it's a great exaple of how to write a short story with a great plot twist. So I suggest changing the ending a bit.

Also, you could show your story to some of your friends at school to see what they think about it and if they think it has a good plot twist.

Try to fix these errors and I'll see if it looks better once you finish.