Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24859608-20140429190013

I decided to make a Parody of my favorite pasta, "The Herbinger Project". I hope this is funny.

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The Lavender Project

Curiosity isn't all great. It killed my cat, buscuit. Ok, the story I am about to tell you is true. Not like twisted true, all true. Nothing but the truth and only the truth. So I was...Before we begin, just so you know, TRUE story man. So know that I am done telling you about how TRUE this true story is, let's begin.

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So I got this job after being fired from the school. I was a nurse, and it was not my fault the preschooler had a boo boo on his no-no. Anyway, so this guy named, well I don't want to get into any names. So let's name him something racist, Zimmerman, nah. Let's go with something complex, a weird name, like Steve.

Well, Steve was a fucking Nut Job. He loved doing experiments with dead. Anyway, I needed the money, so I had no choice but to take the for Burger King, yes they have those in Alaska. Although I got fired from that too, so I was stuck with his other job being observers for The Lavender Project. Top Secret, just a giant underground complex that is well noticable above ground. Then again, it is Alaska.

His top scientist, took 3 of them and put them into rooms. He named them "Thing 1", "Thing 2", and "Thing 3". This complex had three rooms labeled 1,2, and 3. The subjects were to be assigned to it. Whatever this true story is boring... Let's skip some with some unessesary seperation!

To not waste your time with thirty minutes of long paragraphs. I will tell you everything that happens till this point. Well subject 2 died immedieatly after Steve said some French language, what he didn't know was that I spoke French. So I was the only one who understood what he said. Which explains why the dead were so pissed off "Monsters you don't scare me, I am fucking Thomas Aquillo(FUCK! I said his real name), I raped all of your wives". We had to kill subject 1 after he attack the wimpiest bodygaurds ever. And now, subject three is getting closer to the lab room.

How do I know he is getting closer, well we heard this faint noise, it sounded like Tiny Tim's "Living in the Sunlight", makes sense. I recognized it from some episode of Spongebob.

It kept getting louder to the point where we had to shout and we all panicked. Shooting eachother, not peacefully going one at a time, which there was like 5 of us in there. But you know, we had to waste time till only one....Danm I spoiled the ending.

Then the music stopped and you could here feet.

Steve's ear drums where popped and I asked him what time it was.

Then before he could respond the door busted down. Poor Steve. Subject 3 teared him up. and decapitated him. And with a sudden pause. He said "Hammertime" and started dancing.

"What evil being creature you are, I got to get the hell out of here! What sick twisted thing would do the disco to hammertime". What the fuck. I ran up and took a dump on subject 3's head so he couldn't grab my ankles. And closed the latch....Didn't The Ring Two do something like that. Well something told me everyone else died. and then Subject 3 ran through the latch like a ghost, and knocked me out.

I woke up in San Fransisco with a bong and a pipe. Spongebob Squarepants was on the TV. You know what that means, I was not high, but Subject 3 bought an Airplane ticket to San Fransisco, hid me in his bags, and is hiding in my house. He is coming for me. Goodbye world. 