Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25036236-20140615223618/@comment-9967354-20140617155444

Hsshall wrote: WaveDivisionMultiplexer wrote: The beginning could be put better. You don't want to narrate a story there, of course, -you want to give us an idea as to who the character is and what she's been through. Unfortunately, it isn't doing just that, despite being short. Maybe you'd want to, rather than rushing through the introduction, build on it. Also, use the present perfect tense. Jenny had had a good life. Until... and then you go on to her story.

The bit where the priest says, cut it off, throw it away? Bit predictable, that, since you've stressed on this, she is going to do just that, don't you think? There isn't much to the story if you've been sticking to the plot. You must, of course, but you really have to waver a bit sometimes. Or else the story becomes mind numbingly predictable.

Lastly, I don't like the idea of another OC-killer with a fancy name. It's old and boring now. You've got all the clichés: tortured childhood, some random inspiration, the bit where he/she just flips out. Could just be me, though. Dude, the phrase "If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off, and throw it away" means that if ANYTHING (e.g. an iPod, Computer, Game) is making you sin, then you gotta get rid of it.

I think you're right with the "Lefty" thing.

What if she's called "Left-handed Jenny" or "Left-Hand Jen"

For the Tortured Childhood, she had a good life until her baby sister died of premature birth. So half a year of anger (NOT torture) isn't what I call a "tortured childhood" Half a year of anger shouldn't be reason enough to kill one's family. And to me, left hand jen sounds like pretty much the same thing. Does she have to have 1) a fancy name and 2) a catchphrase, really?