Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28060931-20160326180120/@comment-28060931-20160326190712

Derpyspaghetti wrote: Okay. A lot to review on this pasta.

Story idea: While it's not bad, it could use some work. A cat leaving a gash in a dogs neck after the dog attacked it = cold blooded killer with a taste for human flesh? Not very likely. I would revise this story point into possibly the neighbor came out to see what was wrong after the dog was attacked. Cat kills neighbor, by some cut in artery? Possibly tries to eat dog's ear or other non-vital but easily visible organ? and maybe instead of human flesh that pluto has a taste for, could it possibly be just meat?

General story: The story feels a bit rushed from start to finish. There is virtually no character development, but that could quickly and easily be remedied by going into a lot more detail. And I mean quite a lot. It seems like you glazed it over quite a bit with just a lack of detail. I have a decently vivid imagination, but I couldn't stare through the metaphorical "hole" in the words to get a decent picture. Instead it seemed like I was looking at words.

The story seems unfinished. Just saying right there. No problem with a story lacking a denoument, as most pastas do, it's just that there is nothing saying anything about what happened after the Xanax thing. I'd take out that last sentence completely.

In short, this pasta needs large parts of it to be rewritten and edited. Please don't be offended by this. We've all written pastas that need rewriting. I myself just finished a rewrite of an incredibly bad pasta and am hoping to put it up in hte writers workshop forum for reveiw. Could you please tell me how to do that, though in a reply to this? I am embarrassed to say that I forgot how.

Good luck getting this posted. Firstly thank you for the criticism and second you just have to click "start a discussion" on the main page of writers workshop to post a story. And once again thank you very much for reviewing