Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24686384-20150308044325/@comment-24976741-20150308114118

"blonde hair,fair skin and brown eyes," space after the first comma, add a comma after skin, and change the comma after eyes with a period.

Just going to tell you this right now, remember to put a space after every period and comma.

"all alone almost like I was invisible to you." Maybe a comma after all alone.

"You shut me out and cast me away, almost back to nothingness again." Cast to casted? Also consider rephrasing the sentence after your comma.

"I watched you grow up into a fine young man, with red hair, blue eyes and a brown tan." I don't think you need the first comma.

"I was there the day you were married, to that blonde headed girl." I don't think you need the comma.

"I was there when you lost your job, and grew depressed and was bankrupt beyond repair." Remove first and, put a comma down after depressed.

Just want to say that (don't know if it's a define rule or not) since your creepy pasta is short enough to be considered a micro pasta, I think you have to put micro pasta somewhere in the title.

Umm, it's good, it's honestly good if you want to keep it at this length however, since this is considered to be the length of a micro pasta I would consider looking at the rules for one, because micro pastas do have define rules to them.

I would help more like providing a link to the rule (that would involve me having to dig around the wikia for it), but I'm currently in the process of moving and since your story was short I was able to find time to help.