Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28353236-20160608161249/@comment-24101790-20160608170706

There are a lot of issues present here. Starting with the basics, you need to properly space this story out by putting a full space between your paragraphs. As you don't there are a number of paragraphs that are overly long and blocky looking. On top of that, there are a lot of punctuation, capitalization, spelling, awkward wording, and story issues here that result in this being well below our quality standards. As a majority of your story is in blocky paragraphs, I will be using examples that I can find readily and not including a comprehensive list.

Punctuation: While lower quotations are common in Poland and other countries, it doesn't really translate well over. "named „Ashberry“", "says „Ashberry“", "in fact the „Ashberry“", etc. You also tend to overuse ellipses. I counted about 100 before I stopped counting. If you're going to use ellipses for a dramatic pause, you have to limit their usage. Apostrophes missing from possessive words, contractions, and abbreviated words. "than a kid(')s camp.", "I'll try to open the door of one of thecounselor(')s cabins", " Cause ('cause) my foot is killing me.", "I woke up (')cause I think I heard thunder outside.", etc.

Punctuation cont.: Commas missing where needed. "I can see it the camp is here!", " it could all just be in my head after all (,/.)Good night, and I'll update in the morning", etc. You also forget to punctuate abbreviated words. "Mr(.) Policeman"

Capitalization: Randomly capitalized words. " That can happen, The doctor said that", "I experienced a year ago, My mind can sometimes produce fake memories and trick me.", " walk, Who (who) knows how much more time I need to get to the camp", "Oh, Wait!", " It's really a play of will to be in a place like this, It's almost nightfall", etc. You also improperly capitalize words after ellipses. You should only capitalize a word after an ellipses if it's the start of a new sentence or a proper noun. "it looks like.. A child's finger.", "I'll just go behind the gate on foot.. Behind these bushes", "This must be.. The Forest tour..", "The man.. Is gone?", etc.

Typos: "to try to see if I can remember anything from my life since it the camp (unneeded) played a big role in my life.", "I have seen a few wooden sings on the way here,", "Police Radio Transmission", " Oh, there's a woodencanoe here.", "That's all me can remember.", etc. There are at least a dozen other instances of misspellings here. You really need to proofread your stories.

Awkward wording: "I need to know that I wasn't imagining that, and after that I can come back later to the campsiteto open the last cabin if they won't still be there.", "All this cabins... They're all broken", "Back then happy and wonderful, Now all rusted and filled with stories of bloodshed", "It's almost like a peace of mind", "At least I fell on my head and not on the damn leg cause I would probably be shouting and cursing every demon and got out there.", "What would he even be done in the dump like this?", etc. If my assumption that English isn't your native language is correct, I would strongly recommend getting someone who is fluent to help you.

Story issues: There is a lot of passive story-telling events here. "Doctors said that finally I became so hopeless that I tried to end my life by jumping out of the window.", "Okay, I'll just kick the lock off and that's it. DAMMIT! That hurt, well it broke.", etc. Telling the story as it's happening is not a good idea in this instance. Not only does it limit your ability to be descriptive, but it also tends to be confusing. Lines like this: "There is no flag on the flagpole of course, I couldn't see it from the distance, But now I can see that there is a flag.", "I have to stop and go to sleep and I'll continue in the morning... I can't sleep.", "I'll let them take me to the path and then I'll escape them. I shouted for them, they're coming this way.. Thank God" really highlight this issue.

Story issues cont.: "My foot is kind of brokentoo... Well, it does hurt but I don't care, I took the time to get here so a broken foot isn't going to stop me." How exactly is he wandering around on a broken foot and later running. An injury like that would severely limit the protagonist. However, in the story he's climbing, kicking open doors, and sprinting all on a broken foot. "So the doors are locked on all the cabins and I can't kick them in since my foot is broken." He later rests and the next day he's back to kicking open doors.

Story issue final: The twist that he was the culprit behind the children's death raises a lot of issues. You state earlier that the cause of death is unknown ("You see, kids started disappearing or dying for an unknown reason.") and that he's thoroughly researched the subject and come across a lot of articles in his exploration. How come none of them mention the protagonist and the role he played. A man murdering a number of kids at a camp would be heavily covered by the news and articles would cover that. There are quite a lot of other issues here, but I think this is enough for now.

Conclusion: There are a lot of issues here and the method the story is written in doesn't work. It limits description and weakens any tension you were going for. Combine that with the frequent punctuation, capitalization, spelling, wording, and story issues and you have a story that is well below out quality standards. I'm telling you all of this because I recently gave you this warning, which notifies you that if you post another story with this many issues, you will be given a three to seven day ban. As this is the seventh story you've posted with these issues, I would strongly suggest reading that warning and following this advice should you decide to post more stories.