Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20181115180400/@comment-36393004-20181116153904

Kolpik wrote: I enjoyed the story. I have no qualms about the story itself, but I did find a few paragraphs that do or may need corrections. It's all simple stuff. Hope to see this on the site soon. 8)

paragraph 2 - A demon that brought Hell with it, but a much different one that (than?) you read about in the Bible.

paragraph 4 - Homes of towns nearby were washed away in a matter of hours once the levees broke. (-Homes of towns- seems off to me.)

paragraph 5 - The problem was, what remained was a very unseasonably cold. (seems to be missing something)

paragraph 10 - The constant face of fear that appeared on my wife’s face was enough to keep me from ruining what could be our last Christmas. (the word 'face' twice in the same sentence?)

paragraph 11 - It would have been an interesting experiment if it had not been essential to (for?) our survival at the time. ('for' seems better to me, but that may be more of a preference thing)

paragraph 12 - My children normally woke me early on Christmas morning but (when?) my eyes fluttered open I assumed it was still night.

paragraph 14 - Snow had buried the boys in the night and that was when I noticed the flakes of white all of ('over' instead of 'of'?) my wife’s hands. Susan had attempted to uncover them and I could see the pale blue skin of their faces, huddled together in their (is 'their' necessary?) Jacob’s bed.

paragraph 15 - It took me some time to get a fire going out of the polished wood but I eventually gave us warmth. (the sentence makes sense, but it feels awkward to me, maybe restructure?)

paragraph 17 - I took one final look at their tiny bedroom, a place that had held so much join (joy?) previously. - My lips tried to curl upward but it could not. ('Lips' is plural but 'it' is singular. it seems off to me, but I might be nitpicking here)

paragraph 19 - She loved taking pictures but what I had to do would not want to be captured on any sort of film. (seems awkward to maybe, consider restructuring. actions don't want) Great eye! I missed all of those and I have read this thing at least six times. I swear I scan over words too quickly. I appreciate the help. I have corrected these issues and I think it is ready.