Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-40058099-20190707181503/@comment-40058099-20190707194749

DrBobSmith wrote: Chemo Sans,

I don't see the rhyme structure you said, but part of that is formatting.

Everyone, everyone! Run! Run! Run! The Slaggerman descends! Patron of loneliness, founder of tears! Don’t look upon his melted face or you will meet your end!

I don't see any rhyme pattern there. Look at it below, without one word changed but just reformatted.

Everyone, everyone! Run! Run! Run! The Slaggerman descends!

Patron of loneliness, founder of tears!

Don’t look upon his melted face or you will meet your end!

There I kind of see "ends" and "end" - not a rhyme but closer.

His mouth is full of all the teeth you’ve lost in all your dreams!

I keep coming up with fourteen syllables, not fifteen.

Oh yeah, it’s not all the way there yet, the rhyming syllable thing is my end goal. Breaking it apart will help a lot. Right now it’s still pretty wonky, I’m trying to decide if I want to try and force the structure to work or break it down completely and start over.