Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4846904-20141026224849/@comment-25585263-20141026233227

First thing that could be changed is:

"I checked all of them however nothing was on. However I was still surfing through the channels."

Try not to use the same word so closely together.

"What I saw was a man in a really strange room. There was a clock and a strange statue in the background. The lighting effects were strange and it made the atmosphere creepy."

You used the word "strange" in each of these sentences, which doesn't do the job when you're trying to describe something  eerie. How about instead of calling the statue "strange" why not say something like, "There was a clock on the left wall and a devilesh looking statue in the background." Give the reader a visual.

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"He stopped and disappeared."

How about something like:

"He then stopped talking and disappeared out of the frame."

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Also try not to jumble your text up, try something like:

What I saw was a man in a really strange room. There was a clock and a strange statue in the background. The lighting effects were strange and it made the atmosphere creepy. This was shown for about ten seconds with nothing happening. Then, this happened. A man with a white face and black eyes walked into the scene.

He was absolutely horrifying.

His voice was muffled so I couldn't hear him very well but he was just standing there talking. He stopped and disappeared. It then transitioned to another scene with 4 children. They were all standing in a line in the same room. They were balling but I couldn't hear it. The man came back. He took out a knife from his pocket. Without delay, he started to repeatedly stab the first child in the eye graphically. I was in shock.

He took out the childs eye. He then forced the other child to eat it. I was on the verge to tears. The third child was a girl. The man slowly started unclothing her. Since I was only 6, even though I didn't know what this guy was doing to her, I was still shocked. Once he was done, he got a rope and hung the girl from the ceiling. With the last 2 children, he got his knife and cut off one of their legs then licked them before throwing them. For a few seconds, he was staring in front of the camera with a blank expression. It then zoomed into him walking into a weird thing, sort of like a display case. It then looked as if he shut down.

I then cried and went to my parents bedroom. I showed them the TV but it didn't show anything but static. They then hit me for staying up late and forced me to go to sleep. That night, I had a nightmare about that man. It went on for years.

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And, you might need to work on the ending:

"That night, I had a nightmare about that man. It went on for years."

That's it? You just had a nightmare? What about if in your dream, he muffles the words "Now it's your turn." or something like that, Leave the reader thinking.