Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44082145-20191013172429/@comment-24101790-20191013175630

Here's what I wrote on the deletion message:

While there weren't a lot of mechanical issues, the plot was told very passively, felt more like a character introduction rather than a story, and ended anticlimactically. I would suggest using the writer's workshop if you plan on appealing this story.

For clarification when I say the story was told passively, lines like: "I awoke to a commotion outside our flap. There were strange people on tall animals. They were burning our tents, ransacking our food, destroying our altars. They said things like "heathens" and "heretics"" This is the rising action to the climax and it's told without effective description to convey the horror of the situation. A lot of your story is just telling the audience rather than showing them: "We were a very religious community. We valued our beliefs above all else. We lived in tents with a fire in the middle to keep warm. We killed animals to make our clothes, our tools, religious and secular. We would do a ritual on the full moon of every night."

Due to the passive/lack of interesting focus that would engage audiences, this felt more like a character introduction rather than an actual story. It comes off like you're rushing through this character's background to reach the conclusion and there really isn't much beyond it other than giving Rain's abilities and backstory. It gives it a rather generic feel as OC stories tend to adhere to the same plot points.

Additionally the story ends pretty anticlimactically and almost feels like you just jumped to the end of the story. "Then they lit the pyre. Everything went black, but only for a second. I woke up in a strange world. It had stone on the earth and animals tied up to small rooms with wheels."

All in all, this needs quite a lot of revision and work as currently it comes off like an OC introduction story without effective description to engage the audience, that has a lackluster ending, and feels rushed towards the end.