Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20200218035122/@comment-9041013-20200218120305

Is this an allegory for how Billie Eilish is a zombie industry plant constructed by Hollywood elits? Hhh

All in all, very simple story with a very simple premise and a very simple delivery. It's good. It's very good. Less is more and that story captures that ideal pretty much perfectly. I knew where this was going to end, and I didn't mind knowing. Sometimes the best stuff is the easiest stuff to digest.

Speaking of digest. Having the entirety of your skin replaced is crnj... It's probably the most agonizing procedure you could undergo in terms of recoup. There's even a man named after it, Hisashi OUCHI, the Shinto gods knew exactly what would happen to the poor guy and gave him an apropo last name. Look him up, this story is worthy of a Creepypasta in its own right. Anyhow, yeah her saying "Oh dun' worry, tis was tots fine" is a major sign of something being fucked up there. Big time. Skin translplants aren't that good, and in many cases we can't ensure the survivors of burn victims who'd need a lot of new skin tissue. Soooo... That works nice into the feel of the story. It's foreshadowing the events to come.

Also good job on capturing just how intertwined all aspects of celebrity society are, like if an idol/singer gets offered an acting gig or in this some beauty guru gig.

I do like how everyone is all smutty with this woman, like it's some goddess and there are no other crazily beautiful famous chicks out there, or not famous for that matter. (You'd be surprised to be honest). Naughty naughty teenagers.

The whole story progresses at it should, which is good.

I do suggest perhaps adding her real last name when the narrator encounters her in person, Something along the lines of "Hey Miss Regular last name in North America" gets ignored "Hey Miss Royale" she can either not hear him again, or respond this time the way she already did. Kinda plays well into her being a fan favorite hometown star everyone knows the basics about and all the old folk know the ins and outs of.

Also, you should add, "one night when I was trying to sleep" sort of opener for the climax. Cause it says the narrator was having nightmares, then she's in his room. Sort of a weird transition.

Good job on capturing the smell, that is probably the worst part of dealing with a rotten body. It's bloody awful.

Overall needs a couple tiny tweaks and you're good to go.