Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27611245-20160114215844/@comment-24101790-20160114223223

I see you've corrected a lot of the errors I saw when I first read your story, but have overlooked quite a lot.

Capitalization issues: "watching onision (Onision) on my phone", "" haha(Haha,) i'm(I'm) so stupid, it's nothing but my curtain (punctuation missing)"" Additionally the quotations do not need a space between them and the words. The start of sentences need to be capitalized. "it was blowing into my room", "not! it is not here to be my friend! its smile was terrifying", "it had sharp teeth and its teeth were smothered in blood", " back? well, I will be ready I will have my camera", etc.

Punctuation issues: commas/colons missing before dialogue: "on " haha i'm so stupid, it's nothing but my curtain "", "me " I am your friend "". Punctuation missing from dialogue.

Wording issues: "This is the last place I can come too (to)." Redundancy issues: avoid repeating words multiple times in a sentence. "One night I was laying in my bed watching onision on my phone, as I do every night to help me sleep", " I was scared and hid under my covers, I laid there it felt like hours just scared of whatever it was.", "I felt some air on my face but I had closed the window and this air (redundant) was warm and smelt (smelled, smelt means a difference thing) like something was rotting"

Awkward wording: "It was now 3 am I figured that I better of got some sleep as I had college in the morning", " I had fallen asleep for about an hour and had a nightmare and woke up I felt some air on my face but I had closed the window and this air was warm and smelt like something was rotting.", "I just laid there sobbing and it whispered about me", etc.

Story issues: there's a real lack of description here that makes the story feel generic. "When I saw a shadow on my wall standing over me. " The story also feels rushed and needs quite a bit of explanation. This: "Hello, everyone, I need to tell you all something because no one else believes me. This is the last place I can come too." and this: "Just please for god sake please don't tell anyone about this, not your parents, not your local police officer, not a word with or to anyone because it might come for you too." are direct contradictions. I'm sorry, but this story needs drastic re-working as I'm still coming across new issues each time I skim the story.