Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24951032-20140517050214/@comment-4832646-20140517053626

For one thing, there's no plot. I can't find the events of anything happening, no hooks, no nothing. It's seeming more like a description of this, that, or the other thing. You're basically rambling on about demons who hide in your TV because the light is red.

On that note, are these demons single-eyed, multi-eyed, what? I sincerely doubt people would have their electronics that close together. I tend not to put my Blu-Ray player next to my flat screen on the exact height to make it look like red eyeballs. Usually I just put it on the table.

Which, brings me to my next point. The demons have no actual description. What do they look like? Are they quiet, or do they make noise? Whereas I think I see what you're trying to do (the unknown makes things soooo much scarier), it's not a good attempt. The reader needs to know: is this a multi-clawed monster with spines going down its back, with thick, gooey, scales and a disgusting scent? Or is it a cat demon that's going to kill me by purring?

You describe what they do, what they feel, but you don't describe them.

As I said about the story. It lacks that. There's no story there, no hint as to what they do. Is it a quick and painless death or do they take you to the planes of Oblivion to suffer for all eternity?

What you need is a story, a plot, and a re-organized description.