Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5321651-20150124232553/@comment-5321651-20150125003117

Natalo wrote: I think this is certainly very good for a first time pasta. Now, if you want advice, other people could probably critique your plot and stuff but I'll just stick to the surefire things because I don't want to give you the wrong advice.

I don't think in a police report the phrase, 'One thing's for sure' would be included. I think you can cut that out, and the effect will still remain the same.

There are some minor grammatical errors that can be overlooked but if you want your first pasta to be perfect I would suggest reading carefull over it again in order to fix those up. (Though, this is one of only a few pastas I've seen with little to no grammar errors)

This story certainly leaves the reader wondering, as a pasta should, but maybe some more hints along the way as to what exactly happened could be useful. And I'm fairly sure that there aren't many obvious cliche's except for the mental institution one, but I'll let other people judge that!

Overall good job. Very nice work for a first pasta! :) Don't tell anyone else this but to be honest I don't even know what happened. ;).

I'll take your critique into consideration, and I will change that last line. Thanks for being so nice.