Talk:Bedroom Horrors/@comment-24815710-20140421144353

Okay first'I was sitting in my room staring around,boxes everywhere' I think it would sound better like,'I was sitting in my room staring around,their were boxes everywhere' second,'My mother said we were ordering out for dinner and eating in the back yard,we went out a small shed in the back and a few chairs' how about,'Mother said that we were ordering out for dinner and will be eating in the back yard,we went out to the back yard where their was a small shed and/along with a few chairs' and third the closing his eyes thing when the figure appears the only thing that fit was when he closed his eyes and it was gone after he re-opened them.Overal I think that this was really rushed through,the idea of this was interesting,I'd give it a 3/10.