Talk:Tobit: The Grim Sorority of Tabitha Shaw/@comment-25941663-20150420100838

In the first part of the story, after Lacy killed Perry, she props him up in a chair so that it seems he is looking at the menu. But then she turns the 'Open' sign around to 'Close'. Now, how would anyone look at a menu of a closed coffee shop?

This is just a tiny nitpick, but it somewhat diminished Lacy's "perfect and badass killer" image.

Character development was again fantastic. Even though I don't like the characters, they were fleshed out superbly. Also, it is a nice tie-in and setup for bigger things to come and you introduce future main antagonists.

But I'm afraid that's also the biggest problem of the story. In my eyes, this is simply an introduction to some of the characters. And while the introduction is nicely done, it isn't as interesting as the other parts of the series. Also, it felt kinda rushed. I cannot put my finger on it, but this didn't feel as 'orderly' as your other work. I also found (and fixed) a bit more mistakes than your normal.

All in all, this is perfect for an introduction/setup story. But it isn't that interesting as a creepy story and it isn't scary/unsettling.

Finally, I found this sentence a bit off: "Instead of passing though, the car to her read began to tailgate her" Did you mean to say, 'the car to her dread...' or something like that?