Talk:Autopilot/@comment-29341485-20160810215642

I like the idea, but there are a few things about it that I do not like very much:

1. Formatting. The formatting in this story is quite bad considering how much it changes so quickly. Half of it is almost a wall of text, and half of it is basically a swirling storm of angry flaming one liners, half of which are the cause of my next point.

2. He left his phone on the counter. This would have been better if it talked about the night before, so that the reader forgets about the phone on the counter with the character. Sure, it could have been executed better, however half of the single sentence lines were "I left my phone on the counter." Does that really matter so much that you have to say it that many times when your daughter is dead?

3. The ending. The last line was great, but the line before it spelled it out for you like you are some kind of idiot. It should have said something along these lines: "I pulled over, and looked at the backseat." It leaves some things implied. That would make it so much better!

Overall, it had flaws... But everything does. 6.5/10