Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24987453-20150120221923/@comment-25226524-20150122020006

Well the story is well written with almost no mistakes. I've indicated below the few mistake I noticed, with parentheses indicating the needed correction. The writing itself is slightly better than the content, but it's actually a pretty nice story. I do feel like the end needs a little more punch. It works well as it is, but I feel as there could have been a bit stronger resolution. The concept doesn't need changed, it just feels a little too abrupt. Here are the mistakes I noticed:

saying "(Y)ou'll see(.)"

Several gu(e)sts screamed and panicked.

"Make yoursel(ves) comfortable..."

All in all it's a nice little sci-fi story, and I don't see any reason why it would be deleted. I think people will likely enjoy it. Keep writing, I see a lot of potential.