Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28420405-20160630141111/@comment-28266772-20160630180217

I really enjoyed this story. I only have the suggestion that when the police officer first finds the crooked man you overuse the word 'man'. I appreciate this is an awkward problem because obviously you have two men in a scene, and it's gonna be difficult to avoid 'man' as a repetition but you could use 'person', 'figure' etc. as other options. Below is the paragraph that stuck out to me as the main offender

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But, he was no ghost. The rookie stood face first toward the man. He called out to him, demanding the man stop walking. He threatened to use force, but the man continued on his way. The rookie called out again, this time drawing his gun from its holster. He did not plan on shooting, but knew it might intimidate the man if he knew the officer was ready to pull the trigger. Instead, the man remained steadfast on his journey and followed the road ahead of him, blissfully unaware of the gun pointed at his back.

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But other than that minor issue this is a solid story that I enjoyed and thought was really well written. Some of the descriptions were awesome!