Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32964261-20170318190719

Note: I came back from licking my wounds of my first great failure and wrote another story. I haven't made it a page because I am afraid it will be deleted. But here is the story. It's classic and pathetic, another monster-under-the-bed-story.

Henry lay in bed, covers pulled up to his nose, shivering in the dark. Moonlight streamed in through one window, throwing fearful pale shadows across his room. He shivered some more, sinking into the mattress. Sleep, he told himself. ''Sleep. It's night. Fall asleep and your fears will go away.'' The frame of his bed creaked, and scarlet tendrils of panic flared in his mind. It's just the bed, only the bed. But he was still slightly afraid, even after the panic subsided. ''Sleep. Monsters only exist in your head.'' His eyes darted across the dimly moon-lit room, and he pulled the covers over his head, curling up into a tight little ball.

There was a scrape. More crimson tendrils of panic flared up, but they did not end as quickly. That wasn't the bed, he thought. No bed sounds like that. He grew increasingly scared. Something in his chest tightened. Some muffled clicking ensued. It was at that moment that he realized how hungry he was. He mentally smacked himself for not eating before bed. He was hungry and terrified. Maybe something existed outside of his mind. ''It's just a squirrel or something that got in the house. Just a squirrel. Or Fluffy. Where's Fluffy? ''Quite scared at this point, he pulled the covers down a little so he could peek out. It was his cat. The sleek ginger coat practically glowed. He sighed with relief and sat up. "Come here, Fluffy. Up here. Come on." He held out his arms. Fluffy walked closer to the bed, and meowed. ''Just the cat. Stupid. ''Fluffy tensed to jump up on the bed whith him when he was whisked under the bed.

Henry was horrified. Crunches and loud, wet slurps emanted from the underneath of the bed. Fluffy yowled once before falling silent. The thing under there yawned. and threw a bloody femur out from under the bed. Henry recoiled in disgust and horror. It still had a tuft of ginger hair stuck to it. Anger started to rise in him, twining around the fear and sorrow already present. It had killed Fluffy. It had killed the pet he had raised from a kitten. But he drew back even further when a spindly, thin leg poked out.

He could smell something. It was...apples? Rotten apples, cloyingly, sickly sweet. It smelled so bad he couldn't shut it out. It smelled so strong, he could almost taste the mushy, decayed fruit. Another spindly gray leg poked out. How odd...he thought. It almost looks like a giant spider. If it was a spider, it was at least four feet long. The creature pulled itself out from under the bed. It still had a tuft of ginger hair stuck to one palp. It was covered with ash-colored plates, probably a shell. It's eight eyes were milky blue, with clouded cataracts. It's claws were still stained red from Fluffy's blood, and they looked as sharp and gleaming as new daggers. It looked so unnatural, he wanted to scream. All he could do was crawl backwards as it hefted itself onto the foot of the bed, a menacing, hulking figure.

Blood-curdling shrieks and violent growls emanated from Henry's room, with loud snaps of something hard, bones, perhaps, and gut-wrenching keens of agony. A a dreadful wet ripping of flesh and tendons followed as the sounds of conflict petered out, followed by distressing chewing and vulgar slurping, sucking sounds.

Inside Henry's room, blue blood was spattered irregularly the sheets, along with a few flecks of red blood. Henry sat on the bed, smugly crunching a foggy blue eye from the spider's violently decapitated head. He licked some more blood off his fingers. It hadn't tasted half as bad as it smelled, or looked, for that matter. He swept the shells under the bed, lay down, and fell asleep, full, content, and with some apple-smelling spider juice dripping down his chin. He wasn't afraid of monsters anymore.

So I ask you, in the end, who was the  real monster?

Alright, folks, that's a wrap. What do you think? What do I need to improve on? Is it too disgusting or just another great failure? I want opinions, please. 