Talk:Connect Two/@comment-25809221-20141204224228

Firstly, I'm sorry. This is going to be a very short review, because this story is damn near perfect.

The biggest issue I noticed is that you don't start a new paragraph for dialogue. This causes a lot of confusion about who is talking when. Whenever a new person starts talking, start a new paragraph.

My only other real complaint is that it starts a bit slow, but that build up is necessary and is part of what makes this story work. Also, the writing style is a tad boring. The MC seems somewhat disconnected and bland early on, but that is remindied later. Also, I would remove most of the parathesis lines. They take away from the story and kind of ruin the mood. Finally, make sure you use proper capitalization. Things like Netflix should be capitalized, because it's a name.

Overall, this was fantastic and easily a new favorite. Try and fix those minor flaws though.