Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31608989-20170327015246/@comment-7064562-20170327180953

Everyone has hobbies and things they enjoy that they like to encorperate into there writing. You see this alot of the times with writers, having the Main character have poemitc skills or a good sense of art, some even make stories based off there hobbies.

However, the difference is, that while there stories are influced by there hobbies, there not so influnced by them that it makes the reader cringe and not understand what's going on.

When you write a story for a large audience and not just yourself, you have to give it mass appeal and if you want to add in your hobbies or interest, you have to explain them. The reader is blind, they have no idea what a Yandere even is, and you thrown in so many japanese names and don't even explain the game then no one will be able to follow your story.

On top of that, for no reason at all you thrown in undertale. Yet, I see no connection between undertale and it clearly hasn't really had an influence on the game itself, so adding that in just adds into the fact the story is more of a werid weeb fic. Don't add things in just for mass appeal when you yourself said you don't even know how it's influenced the game.

Now its fine to be really into this kind of stuff, but you have to understand that your reader most likley isn't, and there here for the horror. Which, you don't deliver. Not only would most people have stopped reading due to the weeb cringe or just confusion, but the ending where you use a hack, so the hack gets mad, kills you/traps you in the game by randomly coming up behide you for shock value, really doesn't leave anyone scared. It's not only cliche, but just kind of stupid as well.

Gaming pastas, mainly ones like this, which I THINK is an actual game, are not only hard to pull off, but rather frowned upon here as there not only linear, but confusing to most people who have never played the game and don't understand the termalogy.