Talk:Clown in the Woods/@comment-5733573-20180821171941

This is my second time commenting on this. Thanks for letting me know you updated it.

I have to start by telling you that this reminds me of a very creepy and true story we have here in Massachusetts. Back in the 1970's, in Boston, several children reported seeing a clown who would try to lure them into a car. These sightings became so prevalent that schools sent out notices and newspapers published things. But here's the weird part: no adults ever claimed to see the clown or the car. That story gives me chills and this story reminded of it. So good job there.

I think expanding this from a poem to a story was a good idea, and while it's certainly better than it was, I think it illustrates some things for you to watch and work on for your next story. First, there's a lot of telling and not enough showing. The first three paragraphs are a lengthy exposition, not all of which is needed, and which could have been communicated with scene-building and dialogue rather than just telling us that all of this stuff is the case. Secondly, this really could have used a bigger scare. Getting chased by a clown is fine, but it needs to lead to some kind of conclusion. Finally, the ending weakens the story by providing a series of likely explanations. It would have packed a much bigger punch if, say, the police found a cabin full of bodies in the woods with a clown nose nearby or something like that. Basically, a story this short needs to have a huge impact.

I hope you'll consider posting your next story on the Writer's Workshop for feedback first. And I hope you'll let me know when that happens. I want to see you continue to read, write, and be a part of this crazy, creepy community! :-)