Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20170819212316/@comment-4849011-20170823124626

Okay, I found a few typos. Like I said before, any other issues I'll take care of in editing. I'm glad you're taking Christian's advice and working on the run-on sentences.
 * Something took a half dozen quiet (but sure steps), up to the bedroom door.- Something took a half dozen quiet (but sure) steps up to the bedroom door.
 * The dress obviously didn’t suit her since it was five sizes too small, and her appearance didn’t fit with the cute cartoon persona she was trying hard emulate since she was insufferable weeb with attitude and sloppy manners.- The dress obviously didn’t suit her since it was five sizes too small, and her appearance didn’t fit with the cute cartoon persona she was trying hard to emulate since she was an insufferable weeb with attitude and sloppy manners.
 * He sat up with groan, lifting his left hand and gingerly feeling his sore head.- He sat up with a groan, lifting his left hand and gingerly feeling his sore head.
 * Sniffing and moan, Lola then fell against Monica who promptly cringed and pushed her away, causing yet another round of broken-hearted sobbing.- Sniffing and moaning, Lola then fell against Monica who promptly cringed and pushed her away, causing yet another round of broken-hearted sobbing.
 * A picture began to form in her mind, the narrow tunnel-like space just big enough for a lanky teenage, such as herself, to crawl through.- A picture began to form in her mind, the narrow tunnel-like space just big enough for a lanky teenager, such as herself, to crawl through.

I enjoyed the descriptions of fear (as well as the house) and thought you did a good job filling in the background (Natalie's reflections were brief, yet told the readers what they need to know). The part about the underwear made me think of that Drew Carey episode in which Drew crashed a party and asked, "Who wants to see me turn my boxers into a thong?" This story shows that if you go on a ghost hunt/urban exploration trek, you should do your research first (since apparently only Natalie knew about the curse and murder) and not bring along any bratty friends. I do have a question, though. Apparently Natalie is being attacked at home (because her family is being killed), so why does she chew out the other members of the party and say they're on their own? That makes it sound like she's at the haunted house and not at her own house.