Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29015383-20160926093727/@comment-29015383-20160928131239

I fixed the spelling/mechanical issues that were mentioned. Thanks for pointing them out folks!

Empy! I hate you for making me read that story. Like....that is going to haunt my brain for a while. But I do get what you mean. The creature in my story didn't really eat through the membrane however. I imagine it's shape to be rather thin, and pointy at the base, so that it can push through the membrane without leaving a lot of evidence besides that small spot. Think of a sharp needle being able to go through an inflated balloon without it popping. But I admit, even then it shouldn't be all quiet with nothing more but some itching. I'll fix that in the next itteration.

The overuse of 'boring' was intentional but I admit that I went to far without showing it, as well as pushing it to the point of feeling rather awkward. I did feel that myself as well, but I couldn't think of a way to change that properly. Using other words just didn't feel right. However, Christian's solution is just beautiful and I will try to integrate something along those lines.

In terms of the chewing sound: it did occur in the story but Johnny initially thought it was some rustling sound. I'll make sure to emphasize and reword this to get the right image across.

As for the ending, I did not intend the "you're next" part. As the story is intended to feel a little like a campfire story/cautionary tale, I actually did want to go for a feeling that they could be anywhere and everywhere. Clearly I didn't do this right.

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Christian!

That quoted description man. I'm going to have to use something similar somehow. Thanks for the idea (and the story).

I'm not entirely sure what you mean with the midbrain and lump mention. The brain is not quite my field of expertise. Am I right in guessing that this pons area is what translates motion between the brain and the body? Or is at least important in order to move? I do want to stick with the ear/brain eating thing, but perhaps it would help if the paralasis was a little more gradual?

As to the pitch, I was a little worried that the style of the narrative and the story itself wouldn't really fit inside the collab project, hence why I didn't push it for that. Though with your mentioned additions, perhaps it could work. I'll think on it.