Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32764586-20171121172937/@comment-33125343-20171121202806

I think this is a lovely work and a very striking poem, especially for the first one you have ever posted online for critique, so congratulations. I am throughly impressed.

As for some edits, in the 9th stanza, you use two examples with endings of "aim" syllabis. The only thing I can suggest might be breaking those two up so that you may not only have a longer looking poem, but there is no break in the syllabic flow of the poem. Your transition between rhymes is a bit stressed as well, but overall I am incredibly impressed and I do love this work and cannot wait to see what writings you produce in the future. Best of luck to you.