Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26286557-20160722030043/@comment-27008899-20160722125934

A few things here. Your first para you are talking about staring at the creature, but then end tis with "but my ears could barely stay open." This is a bit confusing and sounds like your protag sees with their ears as worded.

Abuse of "However". Try not to use this unless in dialogue.

"Vanished out of thin air." Things vanish into thin air, out of implies something appeared.

Your tense jump around a bit in the third para. Try to stay in wording that keeps it past or present.

Finally, it is a bit bland and nothing really makes it jump off the page. It is a good starting point but as written would not make the cut. Keep writting, there is potential in your story line.