Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475800-20150617054525/@comment-26007602-20150618082651

Wow this was long.

Alright, so first off, I can't really point out the grammar because I'm on my phone and copying and pasting is a pain in the ass. I'd look this story over in Word once more to try and find the errors.

As for the length, I feel much of this story isn't needed. The first half with the journey to the moon, while providing background and being sometimes interesting, just isn't creepy or filled with any tension. This is a problem, as most of your story lacks horror. It's an interesting and unique concept, but most of the beginning could be cut as to better hold reader interest (jump straight to the aliens being mentioned) and to better use tension (reading about much of the background just isn't relavent to the story).

I'm not sure why there's such a difference between the aliens Walters describes and the actual fungus. Is Walters supposed to be just screwing with Frank? Because the two alien stories don't really match up.

They shouldn't be able to find the preserved body of Steve in a vacuum environment. If exposed to space without an atmosphere of sorts, the human body will undergo some drastic changes; I'd do research on it for some more realism. Either that or just place it in a place with some air.

The fungus was cool, but the spores driving people insane has Been used a lot. I'd recommend causing growths or other fungal colonies on the person and killing them, releasing more spores. That sounds creepier to me than them going insane.

That's all I've got. Good concept, needs to be cut considerably or infused with more tension in the beginning.