Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33077235-20190630005539/@comment-40052450-20190706162758

All in all, I actually enjoyed this Pasta. The concept seemed original and interesting, and I was definitely hooked from the beggining. Of course, there are a few mistakes, before minor and mild, which you should look over before posting.

First of all, their needs to be some major improvements grammar wise. You're method of stroytelling seems rather calm and relaxed coming from the view of a man who is stuck in torment for eternitz. And, again, the grammar could definitely use some major improvements. For example -

''did a test after that ripping a piece of paper out of my note book and throwing it out of the window. I waited until twelve o’clock and sure enough it wasn’t there. There days after that I couldn’t think of any way to escape, I wasn’t allowed to die and I wasn’t allowed to leave. The days following made me wish more and more I would die and all the driver would do is look at me as he always did through the rear view mirror. I began talking to the driver knowing I wouldn’t get an answer but it kept me sane, well sane as I hoped.''

In this paragraph alone I was able to handpick four grammarical mistakes immediantly. You need to fix capitalization and punctiuation.

Ałso, the story, as many other people have already mentioned, lacks a solid layer of logic or sense. Although horror stories can be done without any real restriction of rules, this one feel kind of rushed and undercooked.

Besides these, I enjoyed this story, as I have mentioned, although I probably wouldn't last long on the wiki.