Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25170312-20150912042159/@comment-25170312-20150913011727

Thanks for the feedback!

I get what you are saying with the swearing. That usually bothers me in other pastas, and here I am doing it. I wanted to give the impression that Sharon is trying to treat Lily more as a friend or a sister rather than as a daughter. Thus, she doesn't really care about the swearing. She's more concerned with Lily's emotional state, and just glosses over the surface stuff. Plus, they've been through "the year from hell" since the father/husband disappeared so you can imagine how that might change someone. She's trying to hold on to her youth because she doesn't want to grow up without her dad, but she also wants to be strong for her mother. That's why she's willing to lose Mr. Biggins. Even so, I will try to iron out some of her inconsistencies because I agree there's some issues there.

Ah, the last line. Why do I always do that? Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I guess I made the epilogue a little cheesier than it should be. I did want it to be a tad cheesy, though. Like when the guy says "Is she here to see the house as well?" I will probably remove the last line, as I've done it before in other pastas where people complained about similar punchlines.