Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24859608-20140505145720/@comment-5619531-20140505170853

Okay. I read this through. Your only trouble through this was punctuation and awkward wording. You also confused "you're" on one part of a sentence when the mother cried out for her child. Some of the sentences that you have put "and" and then a comma feels weird. The usage of the word in this story is supposed to connect what's happening in the sentences.

Just review the grammar structure of your story, other than that it's decent on my end. Not that fond of Ouija board stories. But, meh, it's decent. Just work up on the grammar structure, and that's it.