Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25073641-20151031060700

Hello internet. Ruckus here, and today I've written a pasta that exceeded beyond my comfort zone. Ugh, yeah, I've written pastas like this before (most of them unpublished due to quality control), but this totally took me a lot of time and effort.

You see, it's still heavily flawed, and I'm aware of that. That's why I posted it here. I need help, like pointing out typos, grammar errors, awkward sentences, and things God knows what. If you have suggestions, opinions, ideas, or whatever that sparks in your mind, please comment it below—I'll be grateful.

So... the pasta is below.

* God has entered the chatroom

God: Hello, my creations.

DudeImperfect: hello. why do you speak like that?

RalphP67: Hello, God. Uh, are you new here? And why do you call us your creations? Its creepy, you know?

Shazzzam: i agree with Ralph. stop being such a creep. i know youre not god himself. dont be stupid.

God: I am here to announce something important. Please pay attention to my words.

Shazzzam: what? a chat mod... pls ban this dude. hes spamming the chatroom.

Monic69: Don't overreact. He hasn't done anything yet. No reason to be banned.

* TheMatrix24 has entered the chatroom

TheMatrix24: Hi.

RalphP67: Hi. Good someone had come to see this creepy dude.

Shazzzam: yeah, heck of a one.

God: Do not ever be surprised of what I am going to announce. You, my creations, deserve your fate.

DudeImperfect: hullo.

DudeImperfect: uhh, can you stop being philosophical now? you just don't know that you're so op in here. troll in other chatrooms if you want, but not here.

TheMatrix24: Guys, what's going on? And who's this God dude? He doesn't make any sense to me.

Shazzzam: apparently, some noob entered the chatroom, and started talking hella creepy shit. hey, monic, can you ban this dude? hes spam shit!

Monic69: Unfortunately, I can't. For some strange reason, I REALLY CAN'T BAN HIM!!! I don't know if this is a technical difficulty, but my laptop hangs every time I try to press the Ban button, and it takes a minute to recover. I'll message an admin about this. Brb.

RalphP67: Now that's weird. Never heard of such error.

God: Since you all have sinned against me, your lives are doomed to destruction.

TheMatrix24: Me too.

TheMatrix24: What? He's too weird to be in here. Can we just shut him down or what? This could be a monotheistic bot spreading the words of God.

Shazzzam: just PMed the user. didn't reply. and hes saying these unexplainable shit.

Shazzzam: monic, do something.

DudeImperfect: I PMed him too. ask him what was wrong, and simply replied "Humanity". this dude is pointless AF.

Shazzzam: weird.

God: You had succumbed to the earthly pleasures of this rotten world, and let yourselves be used by the Devil.

Monic69: Guys, HobbesChick didn't reply to my inquiry. What the hell's wrong with this site? He's active just minutes ago.

RalphP67: Keep trying. Restart your laptop if you need to. There's no way we'll tolerate this kind of activity.

RalphP67: I don't know what the hell he's talking about. Devil crap.

TheMatrix24: Yeah. Very strange.

TheMatrix24: @Ralph check PM

Monic69: Yeah. If restarting my laptop won't fix this, we've gotta ban him entirely from the site. Brb.

God: For this reason, you are all bound to suffer an eternity of pain and misery. You had asked for this, and I have granted your wishes.

* Monic69 has left the chatroom

Shazzzam: honestly, we should report this dude to an admim. monics gone for a moment.

RalphP67: @TheMatrix24 not going to work out, obviously.

DudeImperfect: i already tried earlier. hobbes is not active. scarletmargaret is reachable, but doesn't seem to reply, then she suddenly logged out. somethings tipped off...

DudeImperfect: and this dude is seriously a lvl. 99 troll!

Shazzzam: i tried visiting his profile page, but I only ended in a user not found page. i reloaded it once more, but it showed the same.

Shazzzam: someone has hacked our system.

RalphP67: Shazzzam's right. This user doesn't exist, I checked it. Probably a f*****g black hat looking form some trouble.

TheMatrix24: I'm outta here. This is freaking me out now.

* TheMatrix24 has left the chatroom

God: Your time has come. In three minutes, a colossal disaster will wipe the entire human race. I will wait in here.

You have 3 minutes left

Shazzzam: HEY, WHO THE F**K ARE YOU? SPEAK UP.

RalphP67: There's a countdown. Please, someone stop this shit. It's getting too real and too scary.

RalphP67: HEY, STOP PRANKING US. THIS IS NOT FUNNY OR HUMOROUS AT ANY WAY. I REPEaT, THIS IS NOT FUNNY OR HUMOROUS AT ANY WAY.

*Monic69 has entered the chatroom

Monic69: Guys, it's still like that. I can't do anything about it!

Shazzzam: its not a user from this site, its a f*****g hacker. someone accessed the system!

DudeImperfect: i don't know, but honestly im scared as s**t right now. PLEASE, WHOEVER YOU ARE, STOP FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

Monic69: No way... this has never happened before. I'll report this to the technical admins, let's see if they can do something about it.

God: I had seen you... all of humanity. I have seen people kill each other. I have seen people committing grave crimes against me. I have seen people disgrace my name. I have seen everything I need to see. The time has come to start all over again.

You have 2 minutes and 30 seconds left

Shazzzam: f**k, im about to panic. someone do something.

DudeImperfect: guys, i can't quit the chatroom. something horrible is happening right now.

* TheMatrix24 has entered the chatroom

* TheMatrix24 has left the chatroom

* TheMatrix24 has entered the chatroom

RalphP67: Matrix! God you came. We need your help.

Shazzzam: yes. pls counterattack this chatroom terrorist.

RalphP67: Matrix?

RalphP67: Matrix? Come on, speak up.

Monic69: Guys, something's really wrong with the site. I know this is really impossible, but no technical admin is active. They're all idle! God, I don't know what to do.

DudeImperfect: i guess we need to deal with this f****r. not exactly my choice of action, but nothing's left, isn't it?

Shazzzam: matrix, reply for f**ks sake. were all scared as hell. we know you are too.

TheMatrix24: ...

RalphP67: Okay, at least you're responding. But say something instead of ellipses.

RalphP67: PLEASE.

TheMatrix24: The Light is fading. No savior is coming. We are doomed. We are destined...

* TheMatrix24 has left the chatroom

You have 2 minutes left

God: Only two minutes left. Pray and beg for mercy before everything is too late.

Monic69: No.

Monic69: As honest as possible, I'll tell you something. I'M SCARED AF. This dude needs us to pray... for what?

RalphP67: I can't believe this.

RalphP67: That's weird. Matrix never said something like that before. Is he on drugs or something?

RalphP67: Only god knows. But that's creepy as hell.

Shazzzam: HEY, WHOEVER GOD YOU ARE, SPEAK BEFORE I COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BREAK YOUR NECK.

Shazzzam: COME ON! SAY SOMETHING, YOu SON OF A B***H!

''Shazzzam is kicked out for violent cursing. This is bot-automated''

dorkheadthegreat has entered the chatroom

BroErin12 has entered the chatroom

JAnus has entered the chatroom

Luke00 has entered the chatroom

JAnus: Uh, guys, something's wrong with the admins. They don't reply. Can anyone tell me why?

Luke00: same reason. tech admins dont respond to my inquiries.

dorkheadthegreat: Yeah. We're all having the same problem.

BroErin12: Me too.

dorkheadthegreat: Uh, is anyone active here?

Monic69: Gods no! More users had entered. I'll create a warning thread.

RalphP67: You can't! Admins aren't active, right? No one's going to verify your thread.

Monic69: Shit. I forgot. If more people don't notice this technical flaw, this chatroom will be filled in a matter of minutes. I can't even close the chatroom tab!

You have 1 minute and 30 seconds left

BroErin12: Hey, I'm new here, so I assume someone in this chatroom can help me. How can I message an admin? Thx.

BroErin12: Is something wrong?

Shazzzam has entered the chatroom

Shazzzam: ISNT IT OBVIOUS?!?!

BroErin12: Bruh, calm down. I'm just asking.

DudeImperfect: forgive shazzzam's violence. yes, something's wrong with the site. hey, ralph, can you explain? I m still having a hard time believing this s**t.

RalphP67: Uh, yeah, sure. So a hacker named "God" has infiltrated the chatroom, and is causing mass hysteria. Everyone here, strangely, is unable to leave the chatroom for an unknown reason.

RalphP67: I don't like to say this, but we are in huge trouble right now.

Luke00: yeah. my phone hangs every time i click the x button. weird.

dorkheadthegreat: Me too. PC hangs too when I point my cursor to the x button.

JAnus: My situation's exactly like that. My laptop hangs if I try to close the chatroom tab. Is something wrong.

* Lust has entered the chatroom

* Greed has entered the chatroom

* Wrath has entered the chatroom

* Envy has entered the chatroom

* Sloth has entered the chatroom

* Gluttony has entered the chatroom

* Pride has entered the chatroom

Lust: You, Ralph Freeman, also known as RalphP67, had succumbed to me once. You confessed your sexual desires to your best friend, Elizabeth Tucker. You, Frank Grisham, also known as Shazzzam, had twice succumbed to me. You confessed your sexual desires to your own sister, and sexual desires to her partner John Gilmore.

Shazzzam: s**t...

Greed: You, Ralph Freeman, also known as RalphP67, had succumbed to me thrice. You confessed your earthly desires for money, your earthly desires for drugs, and your earthly desires for sex. You, Monica Gonzales, also known as Monic69, had succumbed to me once. You confessed your earthly desires for love. You, Luke Howells, also known as Luke00, had succumbed to me once. You confessed your earthly desires for blood.

RalphP67: No. No. No. No. Please anyone tell me this is just a f*****g prank. Please. It's not funny anymore. Stop.

You have 1 minute left

God: One minute left. Pray if you want your soul to ascend to the Heaven.

Monic69: This isn't true. Someone, tell me this is just a computer glitch. I'm about to faint right now. I can't breathe.

Wrath: You, Frank Grisham, also known as Shazzzam, had succumbed to me countless times. Too many for me to describe. You, Robert Hayworth, also known as dorkheadthegreat, had succumbed to me twice. You confessed your sinful action against a McDonald's employee Jane Castellan by humiliating her with cruel words, and your sinful action against your mother Lisa Hayworth by intentionally spilling hot coffee on her face. You, Nick Adams, also known as JAnus, had succumbed to me once. You confessed your sinful action against your best friend Lloyd Dillon by pushing him out of a bridge, consequently killing him, and claiming innocence.

JAnus: Stop this mess. Please. This is driving me insane. How did they know about this? How can they even know our names and what we have done?

Shazzzam: THIS IS TOO MUCH!!! PLEASE SOMEONE STOP THEM.

dorkheadthegreat: I can't turn off my computer. Someone help me!!! Please!!!!

RalphP67: JUST STOP!!! IS THIS REALLY THE F*****G GOD?!?!? I THOUGHT YOU'RE GOOD.

Envy: You, Erin Rutherford, also known as BroErin12, had succumbed to me thrice. You confessed your relentless need to get your sister's partner Jim Perez for yourself, your relentless need to get your classmate Julie Ferguson's diamond jewelry, and your relentless need to claim ownership of a stray dog by force. You, Luke Howells, also known as Luke00, bad succumbed to me twice. You confessed your relentless need to copy your classmate Charles Carter theses, and your relentless need to get yourself a Porsche.

Luke00: i cant swallow any of this. i'm too full.

Luke00: its impossible. how did they know our names, and everything about us? ARE YOU STALKERS?

BroErin12: I want to get the hell out of this place. This is getting too real.

RalphP67: NONONONONOONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

Sloth: You, Ralph Freeman, also known as RalphP67, had succumbed to me countless times. Too many for me to describe. You, Monica Gonzales, also known as Monic69, had succumbed to men countless times. Too many for me to count. You, Frank Grisham, also known as Shazzzam, had succumbed to me once. You confessed your unforgivable laziness when you chose to ignore your mother Samantha Grisham's command. You, Nick Adams, had succumbed to me countless times. Too many for me to describe.

You have 30 seconds left

Shazzzam: i wanna die, and im not f*****g kidding about that.

JAnus: I can't turn off my phone, whatever I do. It's locked in this screen. I threw it away, but it's still coming back. I'm not insane. I hear everyone screaming in here.

RalphP67: They're all screaming. I think I'm deaf!

Shazzzam: everyone outside is screaming for no apparent reason. am i crazy?!

Gluttony: You, Ralph Freeman, also known as RalphP67, had succumbed to me once. You confessed your gluttonous behavior by refusing to give a portion of your food to a hungry stray child. You, Nick Adams, also known as JAnus, had succumbed to me countless times. Too many for me to describe.

Shazzzam: everyone outside is running away like a madman. my place is in total havoc.

RalphP67: It's pure chaos outside. Everyone panics. I don't know what's happening.

Monic69: I got a gun in my hand. It's too late.

Pride: Everyone had succumbed to me, and it is beyond my comprehension. Everyone in this deteriorating earth is prideful. Too many for me to describe.

You have 10 seconds left

God: 10

RalphP67: F**k. Save yourselves fools.

Monic69: [mygun.jpg]

God: 9

God: 8

God: 7

Shazzzam: [suicidenote.txt]

Luke00: We're dead for good.

God: 6

God: 5

God: 4

God: 3

God: 2

RalphP67: bye.

God: 1

God: ...

God: The Wiping is to be commenced. After this, I can start all over again and create a perfect civilization. Goodbye, old mankind.

RalphP67: It's raining black water outside.

Luke00: The water is rapidly rising. It's filled the half of my house. The ground is shaking wildly.

RalphP67: Matrix was right, after all. The Dude PMed, saying he was about to kill himself. I didn't stop him. We're all gonna die anyway. He and Monica and Shazzzam just got ahead of us.

RalphP67: This one's a sharp knife, you know? Just thank God I can quit this f*****g chatroom now.

* RalphP67 has left the chatroom

* Luke00 has left the chatroom

* Shazzzam has left the chatroom

* DudeImperfect has left the chatroom

* Monic69 has left the chatroom

* dorkheadthegreat has left the chatroom

* BroErin12 has left the chatroom

* JAnus has left the chatroom

* Lust has left the chatroom

* Greed has left the chatroom

* Wrath has left the chatroom

* Envy has left the chatroom

* Sloth has left the chatroom

* Gluttony has left the chatroom

* Pride has left the chatroom

God: Finally. A fresh start...

* God has left the chatroom 