Talk:Vincenzo's Reflection/@comment-25941663-20150125215700

I really liked your introduction. You give enticing background info that hooked me in immediately. You made me want to know more about Vincenzo and his experiments.

Also, the concept behind the story is original and interesting. There is tons of potential there and you certainly piqued my curiosity.

But in my opinion this pasta falls short despite its great potential. Illogical actions (how on earth did Vincenzo slit the throat of every single staff?), a rushed ending and a twist that doesn't do much ruined this story, at least for me.

I would have liked to know more about the first patient, give us more of his daily life. Also give us more info about the experiments. On the second time he tries the experiment, it is all over in less than half a paragraph.

Finally, the paragraph where you explain what happened is a bit underwhelming. I expected something more subtle than "your face melts off".

I would suggest you stick with your idea of "the way we see ourselves is different to the way others see us", expand on it a bit more and you will have a great pasta. Also, you shouldn't necessarily stick with Vincenzo's experiments. I say you play with the idea a bit more and if you come up with something, post it here and I'll be happy to read it.

Having said all that, well done for the pasta. Despite being a bit off at times, it was a very enjoyable read.