Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20160413174929/@comment-4893169-20160415030846

''EmpyrealInvective wrote: You really have enough build-up at the start of the story, anymore and you'll run the risk of losing the audience's focus. As for the tangents, I would suggest looking at the story again and deciding if it influences the story. (Does the previous tenant's tchotchke collection enhance the story? Does it come into play later or give the audience insight into the story?)

Additionally this scene: "Damn! she fumed inwardly. I could have asked it what it was ? What it really wanted? Why it decided to use our upstairs bathroom? I could have solved an inexplicable mystery." really doesn't seem to fit as the character was previously fending the creature off from entering the room. You don't necessarily escape from danger and immediately regret not spending more time asking it questions. Maybe if there was a bit of time passing there, it might feel a bit more warranted.''

I'm currently rewriting the part featuring the previous tenant's tchotchke obsession since it connects with arithmomania ( obsessive–compulsive disorder (OCD) with counting and numbers). The monster, in this story, is like the vampires featured in European folklore, often having arithmomania, such as a compulsion to count seeds or grains of rice. The previous owner built numerous sheds around the house, filling them up with collections of tchotchke as well as keeping a horde of stray cats to keep the creature at bay and busy counting various objects (inanimate and animate). Finally, she was taken to the loony bin and another family moved in and got rid of the cats and all the sheds full of what they thought was useless junk. The monster finding no objects to impede its progress finally gained entry into the house where it started mimicking the habits of the eldest daughter.

Also you're right about the scene where Marlee wanting to confront the thing just doesn't fit with a natural human reaction. I'm changing that too.