Talk:My Intruder/@comment-25439157-20141012090947

The poem was such a pleasant read! The rhyming scheme and narration were amazing and the story was intriguing. It's a bit of a pain to read out loud, though, because one would expect a ballad to have a consistent rhythm, yes? I think you can shorten some lines to fit a definite rhythm and add some words for bits that sound incomplete. For example,

As I feel my throat cave in I hear my front door crashing in, “Police, don’t move! I have a gun pointed at your fucking chin!”

Could be, ''police! Don't move! I have a gun pointed at your chin!''

Just to be consistent with the previous line. Poetry should be more of a flow, I think. Maybe don't copy the metre of the whole of the sentence to rhyme, but just the last bit. Like:

My faux hero is aroused, fixated on my peril Gun pointed at my intruder, willing and able.

The last bit could do with 'strong, willing and able', or any other monosyllabic adjective. For the sake of rhythm.