Operation Phoenix

It could all have been so perfect. A place in history, was that so much to ask for? Nabokov once said that "Life is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness", and how right he was. The span of a human life is but a fraction of a second in the grand scale of time, it is insignificant to the universe. Since I was a young man, I wanted to be remembered; I wanted my legacy to live hundreds of years after my frail body has rotted into dust. In the past, man has searched in vain for eternal life- the infamous Fountain of youth, the Philosopher's stone and all the other elixirs of life- it is the same reason that religion is still so prominent today, no man wishes to accept his own mortality.

This was partly why I joined Operation Phoenix, when an old collegue of mine at the University introduced me to some classified documents and suggested that I could put my talents towards assisting them. At first I scoffed at the idea, but eventually I was drawn in. A pity, if I had listened to the nagging voice in my head that told me to stay away, I wouldnt be sitting here now. And by god if I could I would, maybe then i'd stop seeing their faces at night, maybe then i'd be able to sleep.

Suprise suprise, Operation Phoenix was a military-funded operation (looking back, their intentions were all too clear, but I was naive and blind to the Project's real goals) which at first made me uneasy, but Belinski assured me it wouldnt be a problem. Shortly after my induction, Commander Tvelin sat me down and explained the project's aims. It seemed the project wasnt quite as far-fetched as I originally thought, yes they did seek to find the secrets of Immortality, but through suprisingly conventional methods. In short, we were creating a serum to affect the host's genetics, when a cell dies it is replaced- but as you get old the cells stop getting replaced. The idea being, if we could unlock the secrets of genetic renewal, the host could live for much longer than his intended lifespan. Think what Einstein or Marx could have accomplished given but another ten years of life? This project was offering at least triple that. You can see the results of the project in my journal that I enclosed, but let me warn you, it isn't for the faint-hearted.

November 22nd 1982

My first batch of test-subjects arrived today, and I must admit i'm very excited- imagine the glory we would recieve if this project succeeds, my name would ring not just throughout the motherland, but throughout the entire world. Batch one contains 9 males and three females, all between the ages of 20 and 29, all fit and healthy. The prototype serum has been administered to all subjects and they have been escorted to the labs. The thought of what this experiment could achieve sends shivers down my spine.

December 2nd 1982

No major changes have been seen in any test subjects, bar one- Patient M-4 has developed abnormal aggression, this morning a guard caught him savaging Female Patient 2- the guard attempted to restrain him but M-4 mauled him and escaped. F-2 recieved heavy, but treatable, wounds to the neck, abdomen and face during the ordeal. A shame, she was a pretty girl. Male-4 was eventually brought down whilst attempting to scale the electrified perimeter fence- a guard in a nearby watchtower saw him tangled in razor wire and terminated him with a shot to the head. We still dont fully understand why he did it, the patient seemed perfectly cooperative until this point, perhaps this is a side-effect of the serum? Batches two and three arrived today, with similar test-subjects to the first batch.

December 13th 1982

Sometimes I wonder if they knew how they were helping mankind, they would act any differently- they're so lifeless and pathetic. I find myself hating them, dont they understand what effect the serum that they're helping to create would have on the course of human history? The serum has been altered, and administered to batches 2 and 3. Tvelin wants the first batch to remain pure, to see if the others are affected similarly to Patient M-4. F-2 rejoined the first batch today, but she still shows extreme fatigue and unwillingness to co-operate with the scientists. The fourth and final batch arrived today, just in time to replace losses. Many subjects are now showing extreme abnormal muscle growth, their practically skeletal frames struggling to support so much flesh. Dr Nevski hung himself today, a sad day for all, his knowledge and expertise will be missed. Many others are abandoning the project, calling it inhumane- can't they see how much good can be done from doing a little evil? The ends shall justify the means. Progress is laborious, every scientist lost is at least a setback of a week, maybe more. Tvelin is demanding to know whether the excess muscle growth is safe to be consumed, a strange request we all thought, but we are testing it anyway.

February 9th 1983

Of the original four dozen, over 75% are now dead and we are struggling to find replacements. Subjects M-19, M-20 and F-8 showed promise but like the others, they eventually succumbed to Cardiogenic shock. It seems their circulatory systems have failed to cope with all the excess muscle growth and has shut down. The remainder of Batch 1 failed to show similar side-effects to the serum as M-4, perhaps fortunately. The remaining dozen have been isolated in individual cells to prevent any accidents. Every day, more and more scientists are abandoning the project, their selfishness has caused the project to grind to a halt. The few dozen scientists left, including Belinski and myself, have been working frantically to meet the deadline but it seems our work is in vain, we simply dont have the manpower to complete the project. The results of the test came back today, the excess muscle growth is too heavily saturated with serum to be consumed. When Tvelin was told of this he remained eerily silent, thanked us and sent us back to work.

February 10th 1983

I saw them today, for the first time in weeks. They've changed so much since I last saw them, they are no longer human, merely mountains of sinewy muscle. I felt nauseous just being in the same room as them, their eyes follow you, as if examining you but they remain pathetically motionless, slumped in the corner. Belinski was showing some results from earlier in the week when something completely unexpected happened- the patient stood (normally their femurs snap like a twig under all the extra weight) and banged on the glass with all his might. A crack appeared in the 5 inch thick glass, and we both took a step towards the door. But the patient failed to move. He simply stood watching us through his dull black eyes, I took a step towards him and he looked at me. Patient 19, male, Nikolai Kozin, aged 28, divorced, father of two daughters. A former teacher who had fallen foul of corrupt policemen, and had ended up here. As I stared into the abomination's eyes I saw what we had done to these people- we had taken their humanity and turned them into these things, in our vain pursuit for life. I choked back tears and left the room followed by Belinski, why did that Svoloch have to drag me into this? At that point all I wanted, more than anything else, was to stop the project. But nothing mattered now, nothing could change what we had done to poor Nikolai.

February 11th 1983

We have failed, we have failed to create anything near what we had hoped for. Our funding has been cut and the project disbanded. All patients are to be terminated and burned. We refused to abandon our work, and for a while we thought we had succeeded. But Tvelin had contacted his superiors, and within the hour military trucks were arriving outside. They didn't even attempt to negotiate with us, they just shot on sight everyone they saw. I heard the stutter of a submachine gun and ran around the corner in time to see Korosz's white labcoat peppered with bullets as she slumped into a corner. Belinski came bombing around the corner, his shirt was similarly stained with blood, he started to say something but before I could make sense of it his chest exploded in a fountain of gore as a submachine gunner opened fire. I did not hesitate, I just turned and I ran. Please don't judge me, I was so scared, scared that they'd get me too. I ran from the slaughter, the screams of my dying comrades, and the blood, the unbearable blood. I ran and ran and ran until my legs gave way and I fell in a heap in the soft snow. My head was spinning, I had just watched the murder of one of my closest friends, the killings of all my co-workers and the destruction of all my research, but all I could see was Nikolai's face in the darkness of the winter night. Because of me. Oh god, what have I done?

In hindsight, it all fits into place. The Military didn't care for science, it didnt care for enhancing our pitiful little lives, it didnt even want to create a supersoldier as I first thought. It wanted meat. A cheap, plentiful supply of meat that could be quickly and cheaply grown. Nikolai was not a patient, he was livestock. None of this matters anymore though, soon the final survivor of the Tsarin Massacre will die, and I will be forgotten. Don't pity me though, I no longer want to be remembered. I dont want to be remembered for what I did to those poor wretches. I can't bear the guilt anymore, my noose is calling.

Goodbye, Sergei Aleksandr Vikharev.