Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20160706004128/@comment-28420405-20160706135721

I'm excited to see how this develops. I love a good monster hunting story :) You leave enough mystery to keep the reader wanting more.

I have a few things to point out, but nothing major:

- " This job paid surprisingly well, considering that, for the most part, all the two did was sit on their asses. For the most part, Bill didn’t mind the job. What he did mind was his coworker, Chuck. Chuck always seemed to find every way possible to annoy Bill. Today, he seemed to have decided on" I like that you are trying to tie the two thoughts together with repetition, but it does read a little redundantly.

- I'm sure this is just a style preference, but the formatting of this made it a bit choppy for me to read. The spacing does provide emphasis in some parts (i.e., describing the monsters), but in other areas (describing what "Slayers" are) it kinda cuts up the description and could make it a little more difficult to follow. Again, this is just my opinion stylistically.

Over all, this was very clever. I think that you have done a good job creating a narrative that others would like to read. Ending the first segment where you did leaves the reader wanted to flip right to the next chapter. Well done!