Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-17082538-20150308053541/@comment-26206049-20150315005619

Though this is just my personal taste, changing the diolouge when he laughes to something like "He laughed sickly" or something of the sort would help a lot. After a while the "HAHAHAHAHA" Get's kind of repetative and breaks immersion a bit, same goes for screams.

When it comes to the "Help meeeeee" like passages. Changing it instead to something more like "Help me!" would be more suitable. Finally, try to remember the capitalized I rule, I saw you a couple of times put a lower-cased I where it didn't belong.

Besides that, interesting concept, can't wait to see more of it.