Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26105632-20150213141622/@comment-26027160-20150213181918

The first thing you should do is to fix your paragraph division. A PARAGRAPH should contain maximum 12 long sentences- and even less in short stories. Your "walls of text" make your story very hard to read. Otherwise, there are several smaller sentence errors spread throughout the text.

The story in itself is not original; strange event, mc goes to investigate, horrible creature. Maybe you should shorten down the "introductory" bit and introduce the scarier part earlier, since the reader quickly gets bored when nothing happens.

Regarding the ending. We get to know that this creature (presumably human) is alive (warm blood). So, James heard this strange creature and decided to move out. After 2 months, the main character encounters the creature, which is (supposedly) still alive and bleeding. How was it able survive 2 months (or more) with those wounds? If it is alive, it should have bled to death. That's the only way the blood could have stayed warm. So why didn't it die? Id doesn't make sense to me.

I think you should try to add some twists to this story. Try to make the "creature" more sensible. Remember, something's a thousand times more scary if it can be proved. If it cannot, people take it for a fairytale.

Sorry for being too harsh on you. Since you're new, I would recommend you to look at Suggested Reading to have a model for the paragraph and the storyline issues.