Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20181024003601/@comment-36393004-20181024022244

Whoa! Mind successfully blown! That was far more than I expected! This was a great entry and I loved like 99.9% of it. My only gripe is when Jan is reading the book. You use "hook" as an analogy WAY too much in a couple paragraphs time. You need to mix it up. Instead of "like a fish on a hook" use "like a fish wriggling on the line". It means the same but you're not being repetitive. Plus Mike's image doesn't have to have "hooks" holding back his nostrils. Use pins, needles, barbs...anything but hooks. It will help shake up the wording you have going. Other than that, you're golden.