Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33696343-20181119134615/@comment-36627132-20181120040932

The story presently still has a few issues.

I still suggest trying to make the paragraphs a bit smaller.

"The Red Man is a so-called murderer that was skinned alive." technically spirits aren't considered murderers, and it should be "who was sknned alive".

You should probably explain why the two men who witnessed the attack did nothing about it.

"If you see the man as a hallucination, he will run towards you and he will either possess you or in certain cases, will let you free." If he is just a hallucination he cannot actually possess you since he isn't actually there.

I think that telling us the main character's name and the part where his friend gives him a necklace is pointless filler.

"If you run away, that's a very easy way to get killed or possesed by him" is awkwardly worded.

I think that it is kind of unlevel that the main character easily escaped the Red Man when anyone else would have died.

The story could be longer. I'm glad you decided to get rid of the Barbie.avi plagiarism, but now the story feels flat. At least tell us why he was skinned alive and who did it.

In my opinion, this story still needs a lot of work.