Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25941663-20160128160836/@comment-27675561-20160129160555

It's short, basic, and creepy. It's cool. And I'm a cat lover, so first off, I've got to say, I commend you for making a creepy cat story.

I don't see the word "bed" anywhere. It took me a few reads to find out that the main character is laying somewhere on a bed or something. The couch must obviously be in another room.

I got confused with the cat and the hag there... When you feel something land behind your knees, I think you'd realize the size of the creature vs. the weight. Unless a dumbell the size of a cat fell behind the knees. That's the same size, but... I think a hag is a lot bigger than a cat. I probably would have written that you feel the catland behind the knees, you start drifitng off, and then you feel the size of the cat expand and the weight gets heavier... Which is really awkward, unnerving, and doens't feel right. So you get the screamin' squits scared right out of your bed, leaping out from under the sheets as if a scorpion were about to sting you- only worse because this hag want to do... Who knows what?

I like the description of her mouth - her jaw dropping open. I'd add more detail as to the jaw opening painfully wide and let a bunch of cat food (Mice, insects and stuff, crickets and roaches, things cats eat) start crawling out of her mouth or something. but that's just me. That's what I envisioned.

I like you. More kitty creepypastas!