Close My Eyes

Have you ever considered the fact that you might be living in your own dream? The only reason you see black when you blink is because it’s night where the other you lives. When you close your eyes here you open your eyes there. In another world, another universe, the complete opposite of here. You can’t remember your own life. Only a few fragmented and distorted images we call dreams. The closest we get to living our other life is when we enter each other’s daydreams.

October 2, 2016

I was sitting in math class not paying attention to the teacher. I hadn’t gone to bed until 3AM last night. I should really stop putting off writing papers until the night before. My eyes started to feel heavy, like bags of sand were tied to the ends of my eyelashes. I tried to blink myself awake, but my eyes closed. Almost as soon as they shut I felt warm, like I was wrapped in soft fabric, I also felt annoyed and groggy. I could hear someone calling my name. My eyes snapped open and all the feelings of warmth disappeared. I looked around to see who was calling my name I glanced at the teacher who was droning on about dividing fractions. I stayed awake the rest of the day, refusing to close my eyes except to blink.

That night I was exhausted. I sat down on my bed and almost immediately fell asleep. I closed my eyes only to see a bright light. My eyes snapped open to the darkness of my room. Had someone turned on the light? My door was still closed. I let my eyes close again only to look upon a bright blue ceiling. That wasn’t mine. I tried to open my eyes but they were open. I looked around the room. It was all so familiar, like I had seen it a thousand times, witch I had! This was my room! If this was my room in my house what happened to my other room? I went and looked in the mirror. I seemed the same except my pajamas. Since when did I wear night gowns?

October 3, 2016

“Are you ready yet? You’re going to be late! Don’t sleep until 3 in the afternoon like you did yesterday!” I heard my mom yell from downstairs. “Coming!” I yelled. I quickly got changed and ran down the stairs into the kitchen. I looked around at my house. It was all so familiar, but strange. Like someone had come in and changed all the little details.

I walked into the kitchen where my mom handed me a piece of toast. “No eggs?” I asked. “Maybe if you had gotten up earlier.” My mom replied. I starred at her, she seemed different too, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. “I had the weirdest dream,” I said. “It was so clear, like I was really there. I was at school, it was like just another day, but it was so real. I feel like I didn’t sleep at all.” My mom just shrugged her shoulders and ushered me out the door.

I went to play practice and went the rest of the day thinking about my dream. It was like I had been awake all night long. I was so tired. I got home and struggled through my homework. I decided to just skip dinner and go to bed early.

October 3, 2016

My eyes snapped open to darkness. I looked over to the clock. 4AM? Had I really slept that long? It didn’t even feel like I had closed my eyes. I was still so tired. Then I noticed something. My clock said 4AM October 3rd. It must be wrong I had just lived through October 3rd. I went to play practice and everything! Wait, I wasn’t in a play. Had it been a dream? No I was awake. It was probably just wrong. I laid back down and closed my eyes only to see my bright room. What? Had I forgotten to turn off the light? I looked at the clock, 4PM October 3rd. What?! How?!! I closed my eyes and saw my dark room. I ran to turn on the light and looked in the mirror, my eyes were open. I closed them only to see my blue ceiling again. How was I seeing two different rooms? Now that I thought about it. I was remembering two lives. Both mine but different. I went to the mirror and saw myself I closed my eyes only to see myself in the mirror, but it different clothes and in another room. My room, but not the same as my other room. I closed my eyes again to see myself in the mirror. What was going on!?!!!

October 7th, 2016

I lay on the floor of my room I was so tired. I couldn’t move. My entire body was struggling to even function. I needed to sleep, but was the weight on my eyes lids got o heavy I just opened my eyes to see my floor again in the other room. Even more tired. I wish I could sleep, but I just kept waking up. I could only open my eyes. I had tried turning off my lights, blindfolding myself, taking sleeping pills, but I could only wake up. I couldn’t go on like this.

A thought struck me. What if I died? Or one of me died? I thought about my lives. Witch one did I like better? They were both similar. One was sports the other was plays. One was pink the other was black. I liked and hated both, but I honestly didn’t care anymore. I somehow made my way to the kitchen and got a knife. I wasn’t killing me I was killing the other me. One of these was a dream, ri7ght? So it didn’t matter witch one died, but i didn’t want to die. The other one should die.

I opened my eyes and was still on my floor. I got to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. Yes the other me should die. I kept going back in forth trying to stab the other me. One of the wrists was slit on one of me. I had a deep cut in my leg. Lying to the floor bleeding about and struggling with myself. I had to die! She had to die! I needed sleep!!

November 13, 2016

Straps held my wrists and legs in place drugs flooded my system to make me sleep, but I only kept opening my eyes. Another hospital, but the same drugs, the same straps. I was living in two hells. I had tried to swallow my tongue, so now I didn’t have one. I still don’t know how I find the energy to scream. I drift in between hospitals, if only I could close my eyes.