Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-22961728-20160110020603/@comment-26007602-20160112200803

Alright, you probably want to nix the first paragraph entirely. You're telling us too much about the setting instead of delivering the details within the story as it should be done. Additionally, lines like this "Ever since then, every year it has been open scary the public" and " I started working there in like 2011 or so. " don't help the story. The former is grammatically incorrect and makes no sense, while the latter doesn't make sense either. The narrator doesn't know when he started working there? Even though it's only been four or five years since then?

"My first year working in the building, the casting manager decided to send me into what is considered the most haunted room. Rom 6, Lovingly renamed Room 666." First off, you misspelled "Room", and second, the 666 is fairly clichéd and unneeded.

"The sound or people cleaning up the hall, the sound of a heavy metal song playing a few rooms over, the faint voices of the other cast and crew down the hallway." This isn't a complete sentence, and it is also grammatically incorrect. Same with "Just the sounds in that room." You could combine these into a single sentence without losing anything.

More incomplete sentences: "Later in the year, after we were open and running. It was what seemed like a normal Tuesday night."

"Which this was the rare occasions the actors outside were allowed to come inside to escape the cold, as long as there were no customers coming through." I have no idea what you're even trying to say with this sentence.

"While we were I the hall we talked. Talked about the funny scares we had seen, talked about the history of the building, and eventually we talked about Room 6." The first sentence makes no sense, and the second one is a sentence fragment.

These numerous grammatical errors show that you need to actually proofread your story. Alone, these probably caused the story's deletion, but there are plot issues as well. This story lacks any build up or tension, as we only know anything about Room 6 near the end of the story, so there's no build up to the events that occurred there. Additionally, there aren't any real characters in this story, so we can't feel anything for them. You need to really expand upon this idea and proofread your work if you want it accepted here.