Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26644104-20151224170047/@comment-9041013-20190415233111

Alright so, your English needs a bunch of work. There are misspellings and typos all over the piece. You should proof read this whole thing again.

The story doesn't feel like a story really. It's basically a lot of sentences and themes crammed together. There's not much of a flow here. If you read this outloud do you feel like this is an engaging story? I don't.

There's isnt much of a scare here either, I mean, cemeteries on their own aren't really scary, nor they are stationed in the middle of cities. It's just weird and we just don't like the dead enough for that due to biological reasons. Dentists aren't scary because "evil" but because the oral cavity is really sensitive because there are a lot of nerve endings close to touch and to the brain. A bad criminal would steal body parts five feet from where he works, a good criminal would not.

Did they steal dental parts from living people or the dead, the story's kind of confusing on that part which is also bad. Don't be confusing.

I think you should focus more on dental pain in your story if you want to include that notion in it, the way this thing is now, it won't work. There's not much of a scare here.