Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25952879-20150103234906/@comment-25428589-20150103235633

Corrected Errors in Grammar, Punctuation, etc:

Hello there, how are you? You may be wondering who I am, but you will find out soon enough. I follow you day and night. I watch you while you sleep and while you eat. I even watch you while you talk to that pretty girl across the street. I am everywhere that you are, yet nowhere at all. I've been forced to live in that sickening apartment of yours and I've had enough. I have been following you forever and I'm finally ready... Ready to come out of the floor, or the wall next to you and force you to take my place. You may be looking around your apartment, now wonder where I am, or even what I am. You finally find me moving on the wall all by myself. You struggle to realize what I am, but now it's too late. It's finally time. I'm emerging from the inky blackness that I've been stuck in for so long. "It's my life now," I whisper into you ear, as you freeze and fear. You finally realize what I am, but it's too late I shove you into the inky blackness. I walk away smiling... with my new shadow behind me.

Now on to the actual review. I really like the concept behind this pasta and think it's been executed quite well. However, I didn't feel truly scared by this pasta, and think that some more description should be added in order to show the reader the pain of the narrator's existence. This way, the ending will be more resonant. In addition to this, I would recommend explicitly describing whether or not the creature narrating looks like the person it takes the life from or not as, without the title, I might not have understood this.

There were some minor grammar/punctuation errors, but I've fixed them and posted a corrected version above.