Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25891880-20150121210034/@comment-25226524-20150212023454

Well I think it's better. It's borderline in my opinion, but I think it might have a chance. You can either submit it and mark it for review so the admins can take a look at it or you can ask an admin to take a look at it here before you submit it. I would say just to submit it so we can work on it, but if it gets deleted then you have to try to fix it and make a deletion appeal, which can be tough without major revisions. It's up to you really.

One thing I would change though is at the end. Instead of saying it was your favorite song (that song is kinda' weird and not something a young person would likely have as a favorite song) I would say something like: I smiled for a second because I remembered that old song from when my dad used to play it on his old record player. OR- For a second, a smile of nostalgia crept across my face because I remembered that old song from when my dad used to play it on his old record player.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. If it doesn't survive, I apologize for not being enough help. If this story doesn't work out, just keep at it. You've already proven that you're willing to put in the effort to make your work better so I'm sure you will continue to improve.