Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5462912-20170821101838/@comment-5462912-20170824162340

Helel ben Shahaar wrote: The ending is less of a kick and more of a nudge as it is right now. Needs to be explained a bit more. If you yourself haven't told me that Daniel is insane, I never would have figured it out (of course, I tend to overthink, which may also be the issue). And that's my biggest problem actually. I'd have to think up of better ways to make Kane appear 'likely' insane, probably through Daniel's own words if I want to cast some doubt on him as well.

And of course, rivers of blood don't scare people anymore, but making the description of devouring of Red Girl a bit more graphical would certainly add up to the scare factor. My next plan is to make the game sequence a bit more graphical and darker, and mess with the ending a bit especially what Daniel says, and Kane suffering from much more than just nightmares. Maybe he ends up thinking the black girl is around him in real life. I'll experiment around when I wake up later.