Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-11223544-20140603175321/@comment-24821182-20140603181120

It's a Writer's Workshop rule that: "Your story must be copied into your actual post on the forum."

I'll quickly comment on what I read and say that the story fails to build a proper ambiance, and the ending you have in mind isn't going to do you any favors. So far, it just reads really bland:

You have a guy who goes on a chatroom, then a random user gets pissed off at him and threatens him. Then you plan to have a monster kill his family, immediately after which Danny will fight the Beast.

Add more of a build-up, have it make more sense that the Beast is coming after him. Make it easy to see who's writing what in the chatroom, and Femi16 should comment on the threatening message. Reconsider having the monster kill his family; if the Beast is upset with Danny, it should only target him. Also, there should be some clarification as to just what the Beast is.

If you're going to have a fight near the end, you have to account for how a 17-year-old can kill an ungodly, ravenous monster.