Talk:South Haven/@comment-24281984-20150110174450

This seemed to be pretty much your standard haunted house story. Your actual writing was okay, but I would have liked more details to get me into the story. Like, how old is the MC now? Did he bother looking around the area for any signs of the woman after she disappeared, or did he just run screaming to his parents? As is, this story's quite short and we could really do with some more showing of good details.

Also, I removed the last sentence because it didn't add to the story in any way. Using a "This really did happen to me" line doesn't make your readers believe it happened, it often does just the opposite. Let us decide for ourselves whether this happened or not if you really want to get us interested.

The premise, while not very original, isn't the most cliched in the book and does have some poetntial behind it. Still, I think you could have used it better. Maybe try giving more of a background on the "ghost" (if that's what it is") because two brief sentences describing dramatic events doesn't quite cut it. Slow down and give the reader a chance to see the scene and feel some emotion before moving onto the next one.

So all in all, this was passable. Nothing really new, but nothing really glaringly bad or overused about it either. I'd say that a rewrite by you is a good idea for this.