Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-13210154-20140415174716

I'm posting here for a review/critique of my story "A Dream in the Rain". Before we start I would like to mention the the lack of character and backdrop detail are left intentionally minimal. This is to create a sense of placement. By providing the bones of description the individual can more easily fill in the gaps with their own imagination, thereby placing themselves in the shoes of the narrartor almost seamlessly. Maybe I'm wrong in this assumption, and feel free to voice your opinion on the style, but I didn't want it assumed that the lack of detail was out of laziness. Well let me begin:

"I knew I had faded into a dream. It was the same twilight forest I had seen many times before.  A light drizzled down and was turned orange by the setting sun. I turned around and there was my dad, just as he looked before the cancer took him away years ago.

I told him "I don't like this dream. It makes me miss you more."

He responded by saying the last words he told me while he was alive, "Let go, it will all be better soon."

Excellent advice, I just always had trouble following it. It was hard to let go when you keep losing the ones you love. I felt cursed sometimes, and this dream only enhanced that feeling. It always seemed like every time I had this dream, another person I held dear passed away. First, it was my dog that I had raised from a puppy. We just found him dead in the backyard. Then it was my high school friend Alex a year later. He was found murdered in alley in town. A few years later I lost my mother to a house fire, and that hit me really hard. I fell into a depression, I couldn't concentrate, and eventually I was fired from my job after a coworker was killed by my negligence. A curse...is that what this dream is? Am I doomed to tragedy till the end of my days? Am I to blame for their deaths?

Some solace is that my sister was kind enough to take me in till I get back on my feet. Also, despite the ill omen it brought, it was good to see my father again; even if it was only in a dream. He an I walked through the forest, passing some idle chit chat back and forth. There were a few memories, small laughs, even a hug. The rain was soothing, but became a bit more intense as the forest thinned away. My father turned to me and knelt. I was a child again, like I was when he died. He smiled and pulled a necklace out of his coat pocket. It was my sister's necklace. My heart instantly sank. My dog's collar, my friend's watch, mom's earrings, and my co worker's ID card; all things he had given to me in the dreams right before they died. With that, I knew my sister would die and there was nothing I could do about it.

My father began to chuckle as he always did. His eyes turned black as he stared at as the chuckle turned into a demented laugh. He whispered in a sinister voice "Let go, it will all be better soon".....just like all the other times. As the orange sunlight turned into the orange light of the forest catching on fire, I closed my eyes. I opened them to look into the eyes of my sister. She was gasping and clutching at the bloody slit in her throat. I put the knife down beside her as the pool of blood grew around us.

I held her up, and whispered in her ear "Let go, it will all be better soon." I watched the light leave her eyes, and kissed her forehead. I set her down and opened the front door. It was lightly raining. I walked outside just ahead of the smoke as I put her necklace in my pocket. Off to meet new people.

I love the rain."  