Talk:Sniff/@comment-26425680-20160614182951

What a wonderful companion piece to Slum! This is yet another well written and well researched tale you've crafted. I love the way that doppelganger messes with people. What a jerk! Anyway, since this is part of a series, does that mean there will be more stories about this building in the future? Maybe one set before Slum? I'll keep my fingers crossed. I have only one minor sticking point with this story, Cyrus mentions that Herbert died on his way to the hospital. The thing I understand now, but didn't at the time, is that Cyrus wasn't privy to that information until much later. He does state "I remained ignorant as this was going on," but since that came after the break, it didn't quite connect with me on the first read-through. Later, when Cyrus found out about Herbert's death, that's when I had to stop and go back to reread the previous passage. Like I said, it's just a minor sticking point that could even be pinned on my own inattention. Oh, there's one edit you may want to make, check out the paragraph that begins with "Lily took job." The missing "the" resulted in an unintentional bit of cavemanspeak. Otherwise, I can find nothing else to complain about. Keep up the great work! 10/10