Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20180801055133/@comment-9041013-20180801100858

Alright, so where's the scary part in all of this? What, the supposedly free-est country in the world tortures people and does undemocratic things? wow, shocker... must I remind you Iraq (Actually read statements of people who did terms in Iraq about how much they loved killing arabs and what not)? That isn't really shocking, surprising or horrifying, we knew all of these things.

Do you know what else we know? physical torture does not work, as you basically stated in your own story.

If you want something that could open up a bunch of windows plot wise for scares and just pieces of storytelling, read up on the Iranian White torture, and general Pscyhological torture. It's far scarier than physical torture (unless you are extremely creative and have free reigns) and it extremely simple to illustrate with the written word in the context of trying to achieve some emotional response from the reader.

I really don't know what can you do with the current version of this piece. :/

Also, just a side note, why did you go for a song with such terrible lyrics? Because "fuck Jesus" shouldn't really bother a muslim.