Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34596229-20180308160451/@comment-34823985-20180309202606

Saying things like "Didn't need words to describe." is a real bummer for me as the reader. If you can't describe it then you shouldn't mention it. The story has potential, but there is a lot of awkward wording. "Ghost Myth Buster." and "I heard my left-hand bone crunch," are two examples that stood out to me. There are lots of ways to improve lines like that.

This story reads like English may not be your first language. I envy bilingual people. I have enough trouble with English, so I commend you if that is the case. Either way that's an obstacle in your writing I wish you luck on clearing. This story needs quite a bit of work, but writing is work. Rewriting the whole story from another point of view might not be a bad idea.

I hope someone with more insight that me comes along and covers the issues in this story I didn't cover. Good luck.