Talk:Easy Assembly/@comment-28266772-20160630134505

If you want constructive feedback you should post to the writer's workshop instead of the to the main wikia. Nonetheless I can still offer feedback but this isn't the best place for it.

First - I corrected your use of the phrase "it was lain". Lain is the past participle of "to lie". You can say "I have lain on that grass", or "she has lain on the table". In contrast "to lay" means to put something somewhere. You could say "it was laid" or "she was laid" as in "she had been laid down on the floor". But lain and laid come from different verbs.

Second - you use semicolons incorrectly in a few places.

He had become an artist; the scalpel, his brush.

Nerves, lack of time; whatever it was, it had made the job harder than it should have been.

A semicolon is used to connect two independent clauses together. i.e sentences that can stand on their own. "Nerves, lack of time." and "The scalpel, his brush." aren't complete sentences on their own, and cannot be conjoined to another clause using a semicolon.

And finally, when you post you should use the source editor because there were a couple of formatting errors.

Other than that this is a good story that I enjoyed reading. I liked the reveal, but felt like there was a lack of catharsis (the mother was a bitch - it would have been nice to see her get some just dessert). But yeah, other than that this is a cool story and if you'd like it to get more attention I recommend posting it to the writer's workshop here.