Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34423991-20180421011057/@comment-9041013-20180421084108

So we have a kind of ghost story, but it's lacking most of the story. We don't know why and how Troy died to begin with. It really matters because ghosts are not just randomly deceased people who were "fine" with their passing. In order for a ghost to make sense, storywise, is has to be a soul that is stuck in the world of the living.

Let's say that we don't need to know how Troy died, let's say it doesn't matter, why would a grown man call help from his kid brother when his house is broken into? That's stupidity. Call your parents if you're a young adult, call the cops.

Why does the burglar have to kill Troy? that's not a necessity.

The plot just goes from scene to scene, like everything is unrelated, you need to make the "subplots" related in order for the story to make sense.

The characters are rather dull and empty, they have zero development. They are just there.

You've a lot of work to do, but you could make it into a nice story if you decide to.