Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20181225051046/@comment-36393004-20181226185707

BloodySpghetti wrote: I saw right through the dementia thing right away, however, it's not a bad thing. If anything, that's a rather solid representation of this horrible fate people have to succumb too. Although I'm not sure what goes first, short term or long term memory but it's a story so it does not matter much.

When Walter asked "Who are you", that's when I got punched in the gut. Luckily, I've yet to have a relative who died as a result of cognitive decline complications. So, personally, I have no clue how it feels but I've had a friend who died after a long battle with something. Seeing her during her last few weeks was the worst, every single time. Couldn't get used to it, no matter how many times I've visited her at the hospital. So, I hope you could include a bit where one of Walter's relatives tenses up in misery at his question "Who are you".

I also suggest you'd have him struggle for a moment or two to come up with a story for the children (and perhaps be reluctant for a moment to take the chocolates).

Personally, I perfer the second ending, it comes off as more realistic and the terror that is Prion diseases is at this stage just too much of a blast in the face to not move people. I agree with Bloody's critique, it would tighten up an already good story.

As for the ending, it depends on the reaction you want to get from the reader. I think the first would be more of a creepy/what the heck just happened response while the other would elicit more of an emotional one.