Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20180705051303/@comment-5733573-20180705070001

It's okay. Writing a story in first person where the narrator dies or would otherwise have no way of telling the story is a huge no for me and is, honestly, a rookie mistake. Also, the part where the woman explains why they turn into hyenas is a little too "let me spell it out for you." There's got to be a way to convey the same information without having someone state it outright.

Also, there are just a few places where the phrasing is awkward. Here's an example: "It was all boarded up houses and abandoned small factories. It was the Friday before Christmas." Using "it was" in two different ways here is a bit jarring. Look for other places where things might be a bit wrinkly.

Overall, though, this is probably the strongest-out-of-the-gate work I've seen from you. Good stuff. :-)