Talk:Tobit: The Champion Rises/@comment-25941663-20160830161708

I loved the conversation between Pinkerton and Gregory. Not only did it keep me on edge, but it was entertaining too. Pinky is such a joy to read, you have developed him into such a great character. Very well done.

The reveal of the Unwashed leader was greatly done. It had never occured to me that Brandon Leary was the leader. I love the character from the previous story and I am glad he hasn't changed much.

What I liked a lot was the references to previous installments, like little reminders of what had happened to the characters or past events. I don't know if it's because the story now has multiple parts, but I enjoyed how you brought to the front storylines I had in the back of my head. A lot of professional authors do it, and I'm glad you found that sweet spot too. It makes for great storytelling.

Lance's speech was very well written. It felt natural and real. It had a big impact on the atmosphere of the scene. And what a fantastic scene that was. Gregory's part was very unexpected and truly scary. I was shaken at the end of the chapter. Amazing work there. Lance was one of my favourite characters and I'm sad to see him go. You wrote him so brilliantly, I'm very impressed.

One issue I had was in the final chapter, where Lena opens up to the others, saying stuff like "I want to cry alone" and what not. I didn't find that realistic, and I think it isn't in her to open up this much this early.

Apart from that little bleep, everything was perfect. I don't have much more to say, this is one of my favourites. Looking forward to the next one.