Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4254464-20140629101848/@comment-25037895-20140629104352

One thing I noticed

"Y-Yes." She answered as she looked at my troops. "T-Thanks for saving me, sir...." "Scarlet. Scarlet James Twilight Rangers." I said. "I'm leading these force to eliminate all cryptids in the US." I added as I led her back to her family and friends, who made a group hug.

It may be simpler to break the dialogue into separate paragraphs also this is just my opinion

[Due to her afraid of dying, she thought of escaping by making noiss that distracts the Lizard Men]

example:

Because she was afraid of dying she thought of escaping by making noise that would distract the Lizard Men.