Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20181124050253/@comment-28428152-20181128011235

I feel like there's not a whole lot of suspense building up to the multiple plot twists. Also, wouldn't he start looking for pictures of his grandparents, great grandparents, etc. before assuming he was adopted? My uncle, for example, looks nothing like my grandparents, and my mom and other uncle used to joke he was the milk-man's kid, but later they dug up pictures of my great grandfather (who my grandmother tired to blacklist from the entie family out of pettiness), and he look just like my uncle.

Another thing is, he doesn't seem all that shaken at finding a tombstone with his name on it. And I'm not sure how I feel about the whole Santa Claus and Satan thing, I feel like actually using the Kraumpus would have been more menacing. The dialogue is stiff, and I'm not entirely sure a 14-year old would have been so accepting of a man in a red suit claiming to be the real Santa. I would add more doubt in the character, and then make the Santa have to prove it, maybe with some kind of dark magic stuff.

I'm also sure they wouldn't tell the kid his DNA isn't human, seeing as they would have no reason to think he's not. They likely just would offer a full refund for the trouble.

I hate to rip into it so much, but I feel like a lot could be improved with this