Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25922165-20190328214355/@comment-35711173-20190330223552

Kase,

The first thing I have to say is that you have a lot of spelling, punctuation and grammar issues. They all need to be corrected. My basic standard that I recommend before even posting to the Workshop is to make sure that http://www.grammarly.com doesn't cough in the free and detailed errors.



After correcting the free errors, I will address the premium errors. With a little work, you can analyze your story one paragraph at a time and find them. Sometimes you have to take it to one sentence at a time. Most of these are "Punctuation in Compound/Complex Sentences" - a comma missing when using a conjunction like and/but/or in a long sentence. Word choice errors are usually from using unnecessary adjectives.



After your first pass with proofing by Grammarly, read the story out loud. If you stumble over it, someone else will. If it's not crystal clear to you, it won't be to your audience. Make it flow.

Then of course you need to re-check it for errors caused by your editing.

As I get to a second and third draft, I will use other free on line tools to locate errors.

As for the story, I like the basic idea and overall story progression. If you read my stories, you will see very little in the way of magic in them. Even when they can't, I research the magic and follow the legends closely. (There's one story that looks like an exception, except that I was there.) I don't feel how this happened. That lowers the credibility and suspension of disbelief.

You need a logic and a reason, but it can be your own. If existing legends don't work, make your own. The vampires we know are an invention of novelist Brahm Stoker and subsequently the 1922 silent movie Nosferatu.