Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10869901-20140512073709/@comment-6761334-20140512120524

Okay, well I do need to leave for work before too long, but I got some time so I'll join in this relay.

Yes, showing instead of telling in of itself would make this 1000 times better. Everything Thatguy said is very true. Listen to him.

Sweet macaroni salad, where are you wanting to go with this? I ask because it doesn't feel like you really understand how to pace it and how to build. He is just one day fascinated with fish then suddently he kills someone. Then he kills his friend's family.

Huh? How did he make that leap in the span of a sentence. You need to slow that part down and explain  his growing desire to hunt. If you want the reader to be afraid of the serial killer you are creating, you need to build tension.

If I were to write it I'd probably do something like have the protagonist have a job at a fishmonger's stall or butcher shop. Give the character a reason to be cutting up animals that isn't totally deranged. Then slowly introduce how the character kinda fetishizes the ritual of butchering. Introduce how he feels about it and what he does that is not normal. Then have there be a build up from one abnormal behavior to the next. As it is, he just sorta has no motivation other than the crazy and he just does stuff all of a sudden with no warning. This makes the story terrible.