User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions: Zombie Level

If I haven't made this clear enough over my few weeks doing these Riffs and these few months doing these blogs in general, I'll make it clear now: I like Spider-Man. And I'm not the only one. Some writers of Creepypasta stories like him too, and have tried to do a Creepypasta story about him. For the most part, it doesn't work. This is no exception. So, let's put on our masks, monologue to ourselves, and Riff this bitch.

I recently got a copy of "Spider-man: Shattered Dimensions" from a nearby Gamestop. ''Oh, fun. For what system? I have it for DS, and it’s actually kind of fun. Oh, by the way, the m in Spider-Man is capitalized.'' It was a used one and was very cheap, so why not? Because it could be evil and haunted. One thing caught my eye though, on the cover, in the background, was a picture of what looked like the zombie-fied version of spider-man from "Marvel Zombies". I didn't know that he was in the game too. ''Ok, I’m pretty sure that something like that wouldn’t be something you get cheap. If it’s real, comic geeks would be flooding in trying to buy the thing. It’s a limited edition version with a zombie Spider-Man level.''

I took the game home and put it in the console. The game started out normal, with the usual spider-men to be found. Spider-man 2099: Miguel O'Hara, Ultimate Spider-man: Alt. Peter Parker, Spider-man Noir(another alternate Peter This version is a bit more badass than 616 Peter) and of course, the original Spider-man: Peter Parker. No Zombie spider-man in sight. I thought that he might've just been a DLC character but then why was he on the box? Alternate packaging?Other DLC characters weren't.

After I finished the game, the credits rolled. I got up to get a drink and came back and saw a message on the screen Wait, you didn’t skip the credits? that said:

''“Wow, you stayed through the credits? Good job!”''

"Would you like to play a bonus level?"

What kind of game asks someone a question like that. A very sketchy game.

I hit "A" for yes.

"Are you sure?"

I hit "A" again.

“Are you sure you’re sure?”

"I warned you."

The last message creeped me out a little but I didn't think too much of it. The scene cut to a destroyed New York and you were a zombie spider-man. The gameplay was like the rest of the game, except after you knocked out your enemies...you ate them. ''Wait, if this is anything like the Marvel Zombies comic, then what enemies are you eating? If I remember correctly, in the first Marvel Zombies, the zombies only ate Magneto, the Silver Surfer, and Galactus. Then again, Shattered Dimensions kind of ignores canon a bit. (Seriously, Hobgoblin 2099? You do realize Green Goblin 2099 exists, right?)'' You didn't just eat them though, you ripped them apart and devoured them in graphic detail. It was far different from the rest of the game, which was much more fun and light-hearted than this.

I still continued to play out of curiosity. Why not pause it and Google whether or not this a common thing? At the end of the level, you're in front of a house. You walk inside and see a trembling and sobbing Mary Jane in the corner. “Peter, I’m afraid the editor in chief of Marvel is going to do something stupid that leads to us getting unmarried.” After you walk up and press "A", a cutscene plays.

It is the zombie-fied spider-man eating Mary Jane's body. The blood and entrails were so detailed and the sound of wet munching and gnawing made my stomach turn. In Marvel Zombies: Dead Days, which is basically the prequel to Marvel Zombies that shows how everything happened, Peter ate both Aunt May and Mary Jane around the same time, after they tried helping him. after the cutscene, a series of images came up. Each one was one of the Spider-men dead.

The first image was of the original spider-man, seeming to have been ripped apart. “This annoys Doc Ock, who now wonders whose body he’s going to steal.”

The second was of Spider-man 2099 floating in a lake, face down, having been drowned. ''Bullshit. Spider-Man 2099 exists in the future. If you’re going to kill him, do it futuristically.''

The third was Spider-man noir, lying on the ground with multiple stab wounds, in a pool of his own blood. That’s going to stain his black costume.

The fourth was of the ultimate spider-man with bullet wound in his side, bleeding profusely. What made this extra chilling ''Uh, yes, I'd like some extra chilling on my Crappypasta. Thanks.'' was that this is how he died in the ultimate comics and this game came out a year before that happened. ''If I remember correctly, Peter Parker does come back in the Ultimate universe. I think. I really don’t follow it.'' Then the game finally turned off. I disposed of the game disc after that. ''You just lost a lot of money. Do you know how much fanboys would pay if that was authenticated? Also, you’re kind of a dick. People worked pretty hard on making that zombie level, and you decide to throw that disk out.'' I never wanted to see anything like that again, nor did I want anyone else to have to see it. But you will write down your experiences in a crappy Creepypasta.

I personally consider this one worse than "Spider-Man: Are You Happy Now?" At least that one tried something original: it tried to show that person's opinion on One More Day through a Creepypasta. It fails, but it tried. This one just tried being a generic lost whatever. Dead characters? Check. Disturbing imagery? Well, it tried. Reason why there's no proof that this actually exists? Check. This one didn't try to stand out in any way, and that bothers me. This is Spider-Man, a superhero who was very unique for his time. And you do something completely unoriginal with him. Shame on you.

Also, there are the minor spelling errors, and the fact that this story isn't scary or disturbing in any way. It just happened, and we'll quickly forget about this. 'Nuff said.

So, what do you all think? Was this pasta good? Bad? Was the Riff any good? Do you wish I would be mauled to death and eaten by a zombified version of my favorite superhero? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.