Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32978529-20171031011811/@comment-24101790-20171108142734

There are quite a number of capitalization, punctuation, grammatical, and story issues here.

Capitalization: You have a tendency to not properly capitalize sentences. "cut. the last thing I see is the man who kicked over my head pick it up, and crush it on the wall. and that’s when I woke up.”, "bed. those fuckers need to learn from their mistakes.", " weather. to my surprise, it said nothing about being hot outside.", etc.

Capitalization issues cont.: You also tend to randomly capitalize words that are not proper nouns. "He doesn’t seem to notice, and just Keeps (keeps) getting closer.", "I soon realized that those “Sirens (sirens)”", "“This is the Police (police)!” They (they) shouted.", etc.

Grammar: It's=it is, its=possession "It(')s almost a joke around our friend circle at this point", "the other its usually some couple yelling", etc.

Punctuation: Punctuation missing from dialogue/dialogue introductions. "“Stupid weather(comma missing)” I muttered under my breath", "“Whatever” I thought to myself.", etc. "When I asked why, he asked me(colon missing)", "The story went on, and eventually It said", etc.

Story issues: It does seem a bit odd that the friend wouldn't let the protagonist know about the death of one of his friends. ("“Haven’t you watched the news?” “No?” I texted back, confused. It looked like Virgil was typing something, but then he stopped.") They seem to be a tight-knit group so not letting each other know that one of them was recently murdered seems pretty unlikely.

Story issues cont.: It does seem odd that the protagonist wouldn't recognize his friend's car or voice. "“Hey, Zack! Get in man, I can take you to everyone! They all wish you were there!” Confused, I pull out my .44 magnum that I usually keep under the bed (but for some reason I had with me in my dream) and aim it at his head" It also feels like more needs to be here (likely description of how he feels like he's in danger or intimidated) to justify him pulling the gun out.

Story issues end: I think more can be done with this story as it does feel like you're not utilizing the premise fully. As it currently stands, this story needs quite a lot of editing and revision in order to make it more effective.