Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26251513-20150506004958/@comment-26054278-20150506005908

SmileyShoes wrote: Please tell me if this is a good ritual pasta So, your trying to desire revenge,fame,wealth,anything. And a lot of it? Heh, well i have a great solution.

That is if you want to risk your soul.

But, like every other ritual. You must follow some rules or else you will die or else one of the souls of someone else that has failed to do this ritual. And you will be left forever in the underworld, even if you don't believe hell.

Now, it's time to start finding your desire. Or your death.

First, you must go down a road (You can use any type of transportation, even if you don't have a vehicle just walk.) with the little to no people, if you see more then 5 people, you will have a lot of bad luck. And you must drive down a road as long as it takes to find a yellow door, this will be explained in step 2, and while your driving make sure all you think about is your desire, and finding that yellow door, and before starting chant "Please, lead me to the door" five times.

Step 2: Once you see the door (Somewhere around the walkway,road,or even bushes) get out of your vehicle, and walk into the door. But if you are walking down the sidewalk i'd prefer for you to rest, after all you have been walking for quite a while now.

Now you will realize you will be at the same road, but it's not what you think. It's really another world. This is where you are introduced to them, let's just call them "The figures". You will be forced to suffer through this event.

If you feel cold, drive as fast as you can, it means the figures are coming closer, once you feel back to normal, you will see the figures after a minute, but they are hiding, and they are waiting for you to close closer somewhere, they think they tricked you into thinking you thought that was it. But it isn't. There will be another yellow door. DO NOT GO INTO IT! It is fake, there lies your worst nightmare and once you go in there you can never come out, you must walk past it, but once you walk past it you see yourself walking to... nothing... pure blackness. Stay still. Don't walk into it, Close your eyes, Cover your ears, and try to fight the pain. You will feel the pain of something scratching on your skin. And once the pain stops, open your eyes. You should be in a forest. Walk around until you find a hole, it looks small, but it's bigger than it really is, jump in it. You will go through what seems to be hell, everything you hate, your nightmares, and everything that terrifies you haunts you. The figures will do this until you stop them. How to stop them? Remember what you desire, don't even peek at them, and keep them off your mind. once you hear nothing, it finished. Your back where you started, but the door is gone. And you still don't have what you desire, but you will get it sometime around that say. Let's say a hour or two. Then it's over. But if you have another desire, you know what to do. Go, and drive. 

Sections of this really seem like 11 Miles. I think this is just much too similar, and while there are a couple minor difference, it is really too much like it.

However, this story also has a few grammar errors ("once you hear nothing, it finished," for example) and not particularly good writing overall, so it doesn't have that same edge that 11 Miles had. Therefore, I think you should scrap this one and try and create something new in order to not seem too much like that earlier story.