Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30891328-20170128035958/@comment-31111342-20170129174444

Get rid of the blocks of text, because it's really tiring to read. There's also a couple grammatical mistakes, though that's not really what I want to focus on. Like Reary said, you should add a lot more details. Stretch the story out longer; don't add anything that's unnecessary, of course, but don't just dive into the meat of the story. Make us feel the atmosphere, and explain more.