Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26900569-20150825232818/@comment-24101790-20150827225823

Let's keep this on track here, the story needs work as it has misspellings like "toomuch", "identy", "cartidge", etc.

Punctuation: Despite being a teaser, you should cut back on ellipses some. (4 times in twenty or so sentences seems excessive and tends to border on the melodramatic. "such as a hat, a few open letter envelopes, and a small box filled with trinkets and knick-knacks." When listing items, you should open with a colon.

Formatting issues: standard paragraphs are between 5-10 sentences, any more and the story becomes blocky/a bother to read. Wording issues: " She felt a bit sorry for the person who left this game behind after she popped into her 3DS to play it, as it looks (looked) like he/she didn't even have a game file saved to it yet before abandoning it." You shift between present and past tense through-out the story.

Story issues: there really isn't much to give advice on since this is basically a trailer for your story and not much more. I would advise you to check out the cliche page and its discussion page as you mentioned you are trying to do something original and Pokepastas were blacklisted due to the fact that authors were rehashing the same plots over and over. (Protagonist finds game, the game seems odd, entity/glitch menaces them, etc.) As it stands, there isn't enough story to say if the story would pass the appeal, but judging from the punctuation, spelling, wording issues, I'd say this is going to take a lot of work.