Talk:It's Just a Page/@comment-36393004-20180919170239/@comment-36393004-20180919171743

Ok, I started going through to edit for minor spelling mistakes and grammar but the story is full of them.

1. You don't have to capitalized "And" or "But" after a comma.

2. You should break up paragraphs when characters speak, especially when you change from one character to another or the reader can be easily confused.

3. You need to separate thought segments into paragraphs so your story doesn't seem more of one wall of text after another. Your attempt at spacing now leaves each segment far longer than it should and combines thought segments.

4. You need to proof this for spelling errors, there are still a few I did not address.

5. Don't use elipses (. . .), I know you are trying to use them for dramatic effect but it just doesn't work here. You need to find a better way to convey the drama you are trying to build with them.

6. You have a lot of filler that is not essential to the story you are trying to tell, especially at the beginning. Example: When you say he leaves his 'parents' house. The word parents isn't needed, it's his house too.

7. Fix your title.

8. I suggest reading the Site Rules page, especially the Quality Standards page. Then I would take this to the Writer's Workshop for critique and help before posting it on the main site.

9. Good luck and welcome to the wiki!