Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27008899-20151227110154/@comment-26007602-20151228055750

This story lacks clarity. Can you explain the ending? Because I've read this twice and it still doesn't make sense to me. I get Erica is abducted by aliens or something, and the "insemination" is pretty creepy, but the story doesn't make sense. Is Erica an alien? Why does the man refer to her as a creature? Is Erica supposed to be a clone of the original? I think that's the case, but if so, there's very little implication to it, and it isn't handled very well. The last line is probably supposed to be shocking, but it is so nonsensical that it has no impact at all.

Besides that, I noticed the dialogue between Erica and the guy was a bit odd. "Oh Tracy. Oh please tell me she is okay." Say that out loud. Does that sound like something a person a would say? I don't think it does. Most of the dialogue just sounds wrong. It's emotionless. That's another problem with the story as a whole. It lacks emotion. If you want us to care for Erica's peril, then you need to inject some emotion into her voice, her actions, her interactions with the guy so that we get a feel for her character.

Beyond that, you've got tense issues throughout the story. The story is mainly in present tense, but you slip into past tense too often. That's about all I can say for this story. I think, first and foremost, you need to make this story sensical.