Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24810508-20150201060506/@comment-25975226-20150202053735

I agree with Whitix. Reading it is uncomfortable and disturbing. Maybe you could describe Funny Bunny and the things he does, but then end it with a twist. Something like "And I wish I could stop him. I've tried, but I just can't. After all I see him every day, when I look in the mirror." I love twists. But seriously both are kind of uncomfortable as they are now...

I like the idea of Funny Bunny being a ghost. I think it could work, but you shouldn't outright determine anything for the reader. You have to let them make up their own minds about that sort of thing. It's what adds to the creepiness.

I think, if you wanted to continue with the idea you have now, "find the zipper" is creepy enough and not too disturbing, but definitely get rid of the caterpillar thing.

Overall, if you could end it with a twist you'd be a genius in my opinion. I love good twists, like in Candle Cove and Psychosis. Good ones handled well can absolutely make a story in my opinion. Just don't rely on shock value.