Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27886168-20160228191117

Hi, I was writing this story, but I don't think it's quite ready to be posted for real, so I hoped to get some critiques to tell me what could be done better. So anyway, here it is

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10/6/14) Okay, I have no idea how to start this, I've never had a journal before. Guess I'll start with who I am.

My name is Bjørn Johanesen, I'm from a small town called Hvittberg. I'm an investegator for the police, has been so for over a decade.

When I was a child there was a murder of one of the residents and they never found out by who. So I decided that this summer vacation I would try to find out what happened.

I don't think I'll find that much, but with the DNA techonlogy nowadays I might find something they didn't back then. I'll start tomorrow, as it's quite late already.



11/6/14) I asked some of the older people if they remembered anything about him. The only thing I heard was that he had recently moved here, and that no one remember where he came from.

I asked where he was burried if I neede DNA tests, but nobody knew. I'll go to his house, nobody has used it since he died but all the evidence is probably allready gone.



The house was quite dilapidated. There was still furniture inside, and I think there lives birds in the attic, but other than that there was nothing to note. Just as excpected sadly.



13/6/14) I've spent a few days looking around, but no luck. This has been a really dissapointing vacation. I've been thinking where I could look, but the only thing I can think of is to see if he's burried in the graveyard, so I guess I'll do that.



His body wasn't in the graveyard, not the main one anyway. But when I looked around I noticed a grave in the woods next to the graveyard. I decided it was worth a shot and walked there to see.

What was surprising though was that there were a lot of graves, maybe more than there was in the graveyard. All of them were pre World War 2 graves, but there were just so many of them. It seems a little strange that there was that many people here untill the war. I mean, I understand that a lot of people died then, and a lot lived before then, but with the ammount of graves this place must have been a city.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">The graves conntinued but they became more sparse, there's only about 1 grave every 100 meters. I mean, it makes sense that there wouldn't be that many graves the further away from the town you get. But why would you put them here in the first place?

<p style="font-weight:normal;">One of the graves is different though, a more recent death, Solveig Stebergsen, 1/9/2009. I don't know everyone who lives in town so she may have lived there, but they decided to burry her here for some reason. I'll ask when I get back.

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<p style="font-weight:normal;">I've walked for about an hour or so, and the graves just bacame wierder and wierder. Not just norwegians but foreign ones too; Jonathan Smith, 1808, Sean Ahern, 1999, Maria Ruiz, 1980.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Those are the only ones I can be bothered to write down because the amount of graves increased too, first 2 per 100m then 3 then 5 then 18. Why though? Why are there so many foreign graves, as recent as 1999 as well? I hope there's a reasonable explenation to this.

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<p style="font-weight:normal;">I ran back, I don't know how long I ran, it felt like hours but it couldn't have been more than 20 minutes. Jesus Christ I need to stop shaking. I'm not sure if what I saw and heard was real or not, but I'll write down what I think I saw.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I walked further into the woods, and the amount of graves increased exponentially, it was eventually so think with graves I had problems walking between them. There was so many graves I had to stop, so I decided to look around. The entire forrest was white, every single blade of grass, every single tree, every single patch of dirt, everything. I didn't know how I couldn't have noticed, probably because it happened so gradually.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">As I stood there in awe I heard something. It sounded like an echo of something, but I couldn't tell what it was so strange. Then the "echo" got louder. It came from everywhere around me as it sounded as it closed in. It closed in behind me and I could finally hear it, even though I wish I didn't. Like a scream, nails against chalkboard and a low growl, all combined, but not as if they were played over eachother. It sounded so unified even though there was three distinct sounds.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I turned around to see what made the horrible noise and saw something that looked like a mix between a wolf and a lion. It opend it's mouth and the "echo" came from all around, getting closer and closer. I panicked and started running. Eventually I got to town. I'm not sure what to do now. My clock says the time is 24:00, but I wouldn't be able to tell, the sun doesn't go down this far north in the summer. I'll go to bed and decide what to do tomorrow.

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<p style="font-weight:normal;">14/6/14) I decided to ask about the graves. It seems like nobody knew that it was that big. I decided to gather some people to tell about the animal I saw. I didn't tell them about the echo, they wouldn't believe me then. There was some skepticism anyway, but they were obviously curious. I asked if they wanted to help investigate the animal and the graves, not everyone was that keen on joining but I got a few people to help.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I told them to bring guns just in case.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">We're where I met the beast. Luckily it isn't here right now. Everyone seems very confused, asking how no one has noticed this before. We've agreed to call the goverment and some news stations, this is really wierd. Too bad there's no connection here, seems like we have to walk back to town.

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<p style="font-weight:normal;">5/3/15) Is this journal mine? It seems like I wrote theis, but I can't remember having written this. I was born in Bergen, not Hvittberg. But this seems so familiar. I've had this feeling that something is missing, is this it? My parents seem so distant, is this why? I'm not their son, just someone who has lost his memory of his real family? I need to look this up, this place. But how? Why? I need to find out.

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<p style="font-weight:normal;">6/3/15) Nothing. There's nothing about this town. I need to find out where this place is. My only clue is northern Norway and my memories that are fuzzy at best, but there's still a huge amount of land to cover. I need to find this place, so that I can

<p style="font-weight:normal;">What? Show it to the world? Show that I somehow lost my memories of this place and was given another family? No, I need to find out what's going on first, then decide on a course of action

<p style="font-weight:normal;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">29/1/16) I found it. At least I think I did, can't be certain untill I'm there. I drove around when I spotted a mountain that just seemed so familliar.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I felt that I had to drive a bit more but I was so excited I just stopped in the middle of the road and walked towards it. After about half an hour of walking I stumbled across a road.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">The road was quite delapetaded and covered with dirt. I followed it but went the wrong direction as I came to the place where the intersection must have supposed to be.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">There were trees planted on the road to hide it, it seemed. I walked the other dirrection then and the road led up the mountain. From the mountain where I stand now I can see it. I can see the village.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I

<p style="font-weight:normal;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">30/1/16) Something happened yesterday. I couldn't wrap my head around it till now, though I could still be confused. I'll try to explain to the best of my abilities.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I was standing on the road to the town writing in this journal when I saw something in the village. I saw the graveyard very badly, it was very far away.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">But I saw someone there.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I can't explain, I couldn't even see the individual trees there but I saw someone walk there, and I could see everything about him, his eyes, his nose his mouth, even though in relation to everything he was small.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Then he looked at me and frowned. He walked a few steps in my dirrection and he was suddenly right next to me.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Then he spoke, but not with words. It was more a rumble, a buzzing, a low pitch scream. The sound gave me an instant headache. There was nothing even resembeling speech, just noise.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">But I understood him. He told me that I shouldn't be here, that he doesn't like to kill, but that he would.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I suddenly got a sharp pain in my shoulder and started bleeding. I looked there but there was nothing. No wound only blood. No damage only pain. He said that if I go there I will be hurt, and if I investegate I will be killed.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">The next moment he was gone. Maybe he walked away, maybe he dissapeard, I couldn't pay attention.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I was so confused and scared, still am really, but I think I walked to the town. I don't know, but I'm in a house here, probably mine or my parents before I lost my memory.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I'll go investigate, I can't stop now, knowing my life is a lie.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I don't know how this happened but I'm not surprised. When I walked out something hit my shoulder, not sure what. Whatever it was it went straight trough.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">It hit exactly where I started bleeding yesterday, but the pain was a hundred times worse.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I must have rolled around in pain for a good minut or two before I dragged myself to the first aid kit in the bathroom.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I know some basic first aid, but I can't use my arm anymore, so I guess I'm lucky it wasn't my dominant arm that got hurt.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I guess I'm dulled to this after what happened yesterday, I guess that happens when you see something so mind bendingly impossible.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I looked around town when I was done, but there was nothing there. No one alive, no one dead. Not sure if they were killed or given false memories like me.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Strange, after spending a year to find this place I'm not sure what to do anymore. Call a journalist and show this place to the world? Try to forget and move on?

<p style="font-weight:normal;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I'll go to the white forrest. I'm too curious, I've been looking for too long to just leave. But what if I lose my memories again?

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I'll have to hide this journal, they didn't take it away before but they may do it now. But where can I hide it so that I find it again? Wait

<p style="font-weight:normal;">How did I find it again in the first place? I found it on a desk in my home, but how did it end up there?

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Did someone want me to find it?

<p style="font-weight:normal;">If that's the case then there's no need to worry is there?

<p style="font-weight:normal;">It'll just end up at my desk again, right?

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Then I have nothing to lose right? If I go to the white forrest now I won't lose anything right?

<p style="font-weight:normal;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I'll go. I'll go and get to the bottom of this. Then I can let the world know about this.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">NOTHING IS REAL

<p style="font-weight:normal;">TIME ISN'T LINEAR

<p style="font-weight:normal;">THE WORLD ISN'T THREE DIMENSIONAL

<p style="font-weight:normal;">LIGHT ISN'T FASTER THAN SOUND

<p style="font-weight:normal;">BIRTH ISN'T THE BEGINING

<p style="font-weight:normal;">DEATH ISN'T THE END

<p style="font-weight:normal;">EVERYTHING IS A LIE

<p style="font-weight:normal;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">28/2/16) I've tried to tell people, they won't belive me!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I've tried to post this everywhere, it gets taken down every time!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">My last hope is here, where the masses will tink it's fake, that's the only way they'll allow it!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">But I'll show them, someone will believe this!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Ever had the feeling something isn't right? That something is missing? It's beacuse it used to be there but it was taken away!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I would tell everything but my time is limited, even though they don't see me as a threat they'll still kill me!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">I'm

<p style="font-weight:normal;">i'm

<p style="font-weight:normal;">bleeding? <ac_metadata title="story that needs some critique"> </ac_metadata>