Board Thread:Site Questions/@comment-24946620-20140515232254/@comment-25018760-20140806162419

Hey I'm getting the same message, can anyone point out any cliches or anything in mine?

It was early 1945.

The world had yet to recover from the effects of world war 2.

The losses were engraved in everyone's mind.

In a town called Browngate, England, people couldn't take it.

The losses were too much.

There were no parents in the town. All the children had been orphaned. There was one small orphanage with two people running it. Mr and Mrs Hillday.

On the twenty second of January, a teenager called Polly, who hadn't made any friends in the orphanage, jumped out of her window. She screamed for a moment whilst falling, which woke up a person. in the next room. Julianne walked out her room and tried to open the door to Polly's room. It was locked.

That's weird, she thought. Normally there weren't any locks in the rooms. She didn't know Polly that well, so she hadn't been in her room to check.

"Are you alright, Polly?" She said quietly. She didn't want to wake anyone up.

She knocked on the door.

Maybe she was just having a bad dream. A nightmare.

"If you need anything, come into my room." she whispered.

Julianne walked back into her room, and slumped onto the bed. She was really tired.

She woke up really early for some reason. She walked downstairs into the living room where all the children were sitting in chairs, staring at the window. Not through the window, at the window.

Julianne walked up to her best friend, and asked "Are you okay?"

No reply.

She did it again.

Milly slowly turned her head around. It looked deformed, as if she had been hit by a truck or something. Julianne screamed, which made all the the other children look around too. They all had deformed faces. Julianne ran out the room and into the kitchen. Her mother was in there. Julianne felt scared. Why was her mother in there? "Mother, is that you?"

Her mother's neck snapped as she turned her head around, quickly.

"Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump."

Her voice was rasping, as if she had a sore throat. Julianne grabbed her mother as she died. Her mother pointed at the window, then snapped Julianne's neck.

Julianne woke up.

Okay, so this is it for now, when I have more time I'll finish it.