Talk:Fuzzy/@comment-25477067-20150218174017

Very nice story, nice idea. I was getting oin the flow, really feeling the story, liking it. Then this happened.

"An old man accused of pedophilia and using hallucinogenics and other drugs to lure children, arrested three months ago, was released from jail as there was not enough incriminating evidence"

This KILLED it. I knew immediately what was going to happen. It stood out like a sore thumb. It's too detailed compared to everything else in the paper. We go from car crash, donation of money, editorial, and then to this detailed headline explaining exactly what happened, how he was luring the kids and why he was relased. In a real newspaper, it probably would have looked more like this:

"Accused Pedophile released on lack of evidence"

If this blurb is, in fact, not the headline and rather the man explaining the entire article, then you could do well to camoflauge it by describing the others better, too. I like the idea, I think it may have been done an awful lot before, but your spin gives it a little bit more refreshing taste. There are a few grammatical mistakes, such as "lied" instead of "lay" and "dose" instead of "doze"

6/10

7/10