Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24989419-20140527232838/@comment-24821182-20140528131707

Well, there's too many ellipses.

The story is also too short, and you could add more of a build-up. It would also be great if you gave the gloom an explanation and made it have some relation to what's going on, other than just have it come out of nowhere.

Currently, the story is just about some random creepy thing happening without reason or explanation, and the gloom itself has nothing that distinguishes it from many other monsters on this site (you'd be surprised how many CP monsters are just formless, black blobs).