Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26785424-20150924030238/@comment-27012445-20150924041111

You have done a great job of setting up the environment and plot in such a short piece; not that many can pull that off. I think you could have something very errie with some changes. With such a short piece, I felt the extreme changes in tone really hurt the flow. The opening is too jovial and too familiar with whomever the character is speaking with compared with the story he is trying to re-tale. Which is a warning. You also might want to add some curiosity traits to the character. You describe the character as horrified from the fog yet still continues for no reason. Maybe his curiosity overcomes his fear; somethings that has always gotten him in trouble in the past.

When I read the end, I was thinking that a victorian era setting would be awesome. With that old english style of writing and a tone that is consistent (like your last paragraph) I think you could have a very nice gothic piece.