Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27159479-20151104133655/@comment-25148755-20151104155517

A couple things. I would change most of the story into the present tense...you can keep the parts about the family history and what not in the past tense, but I'd probably start with that, move to where he's driving to Sarah's house, then going up to the door, etc. Take out all the exclamation points. They're gaudy and completely disrupt the sense of menace you are trying to build. That ending...blech. A few other points: its Santa 'Claus' not 'Clause' (unless referring to a Tim Allen movie.)  Also, the timeline doesn't work. You say the original 'event' happened 340 years ago (i.e. 1675). So not only does this predate the American Revolution by a good 100 years (how old is this house?) it also makes the notion of a 'Santa Claus' killer impossible: the popular image of Santa (fat, red suit, etc) wasn't popularized until Clement Clarke Moore published "The Night Before Christmas" in 1823. Hope this helps!