Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4843510-20171001165151/@comment-4843510-20171001175301

AViciousRainbow wrote: This is a really interesting concept. I especially find the end hilarious.

First thing's first. The text is black which makes the story difficult to read since it's on a dark background. I would suggest fixing that,

As far as your wording goes, I don't think it is as bad as you seem to think it is. A good way to catch awkward and clunky wording is to read your story out loud and realize what sounds wrong. I do think though that you could improve your wording by being more descriptive and using more specific and detail oriented words rather than the basics.

I think it would be great to elaborate a little bit more on why these changes are taking place. Why is the dad taking his skin off or changing his characteristics? I think some subtleties in the story could really help out with this and make a more compelling piece.

I would suggest running your story through a word processor like Grammarly. There are a few places where commas could be used and a few places where they shouldn't be used. So keep that in mind.

I would also keep thinking of a title. Personally, I feel that coming up with a title is best done by the writer as no one knows the story better than the one who wrote it. I would just keep pondering what you could use and eventually you should be able to come up with one.

Overall, I like where you are going with this. I just would love to see it pushed further. Thanks for responding! What I was trying to go for was that the reason the father has changed is because it's not the father anymore but something wearing its skin.

As for the black text, that's just me not understanding how to fix that on the forum. If I was to upload the story, I'd know how to change that to white as it should be.

Grammarly seems like a good idea, and reading it aloud has made me realise things that sound off, that'll be part of my revised edit.

Again, thanks a lot :)