Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30600352-20161125233635/@comment-26475800-20161125234907

Okay, so here are some things I saw just in the first couple of sentences. Capitalize your proper nouns and the first letter of every sentence. Video game pastas are black listed so they need to be approved before they can be posted. The flow of your story is choppy, meaning the sentence structure is off. Read it and you will see, full stop for periods and half stop for commas. I'm on my phone right now, but I'll give you a more detailed review when I get to my computer. But I'm going to assume the entire story is like that and those would be some things that would get it from being approved.