Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25306884-20140819164909

here is a story I've been working on, please give feedback

Hello, my name is Henry. Quite recently I have been pretty much left for dead. I should probably explain what happened. About a week ago my friend who had lived in Florida for 3 years moved into my neighborhood, because we had just signed up to the same college. He moved into the abandoned house 2 houses away from where I lived. After the first day, he complained to me that he had heard skittering and growling during the night, and he didn't know where it was coming from.

I should probably tell you that I was a carpenter, and worked with building and fixing houses. So I thought that I could help him with whatever it was. I was thinking that it could be just rats or mice. Boy, was I wrong! The next day I had went over to his house and studied it front to back. I couldn't find any kind of tunnels, mouse holes, or any living space for any kind of rodent. Then, while I was in the bathroom, I heard something behind the cupboards. When I checked inside I didn't see any thing odd, but I noticed that one of the walls was loose. I took my crowbar and removed the loose wall and found something strange. There was a tunnel that lead deeper into the house. After I told my friend about it, I decided to look at what was in the tunnel. To this day, I regret ever doing that.

The tunnel was very annoying to go through, because of the many stalactites that constantly scratched my arms and legs. But after a while I found a little cave in which I could heal up my scratches. After about 2 minutes of crawling through the tunnel, I found something very odd. It was the dead body of what looked to be a hunched over rat goblin. This freaked me out, but when I tried to turn back, the wall caved in and I was blocked from going forward. With no other way out, I kept going forward. After about a minute I found something. It was a large room, about the size of a meeting room. It had what looked to be odd hieroglyphics on the walls. I saw the rat goblins eating a person. The person looked like a caveman, suggesting that this was an old hieroglyphic. I decided that this was an old hieroglyphic of some kind of religious myth or something. But then, in the next room, I saw something that terrified me. In that room, there they were, the rat looking goblins, all sleeping in one pile. Now that I saw one that wasn't dead, I could see them more clearly. Their bodies were grey and were hunched over. Their eyes were lime green with red pupils, and their heads were that of a rats. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I tried to get my phone out, but I dropped it and it landed on one of the goblin's heads.

It woke up instantly and looked around the room. Then it saw me, and it screamed! The scream was so loud it woke up every other goblin there, and then they chased after me. I ran through all the other rooms, but it was too late. They all pounced on me, and I blacked out. When I woke up I was in a giant room filled with dead goblin bodies and random trash. I couldn't see an exit, and since my phone was gone, I was stuck there with no way to get out. In the rubble, I saw a laptop. I wanted to see if it worked. I went over and pushed the power button. To my surprise it worked, but it had very low battery. I decided calling for help was useless. Instead, I decided to write this down. Hopefully someone will find this, and they will find out what happened to me. I hear something, I think its the sound of screaming...

This document was found on a recovered laptop, found deep within an underground system of tunnels. While several hieroglyphics were found as well as dead bodies, no living things have been found. It is speculated that this place was owned by a crazed religious group who believed in a small creature, name unknown. The only tunnel leading to the surface of the earth was found at MR.*REDACTED NAME*'s residence, where he said he had heard odd noises at night. His friend had investigated the tunnel and never came back, so he called the authorities. The only unanswered question is: where are the residents of the tunnel system now? 