Talk:Sheltered Life/@comment-25170312-20150301191833

Very good, but there were a couple things that irked me. Wouldn't it have made more sense for that father to tell the daughter that the mother died giving birth? It didn't seem necessary to tell her that some creature killed her mother. It was enough to tell her that it roamed around the area and killed girls. Also, it was kind of obvious that the father did something to the mother even before the daughter went down into the basement.

The other thing that bothered me was that you started two different paragraphs with almost the same line:

Her natural curiosity however, could not always be overcome by her father’s generosity.

Her curiosity could not always be stunted, however.

Maybe change one a little? Just a suggestion. Still thought it was a very good pasta.