Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-3563804-20150223054547/@comment-25975226-20150223070304

Here, I will review the very first paragraph to give you a sense of how many changes need to be made, but I can't do it all.

"Is the story of a girl named Sarah,she decide she was going to the fair with her friends Emilie and Lola. When her friends finally go some foods for themselfs after arriving to the fair, sarah bring her own an chocolate bar she wanted to eat, when a strange man with a blackcoat approaching her."

(The changes are italicized or slanted)

The first sentence needs to be changed to: "This is the story of a girl named Sarah.

Second sentence needs to be altered to: "She decided, one day, that she would go to the fair with her friends, Emilie and Lola."

The third sentence needs some errors fixed: "When her friends finally got there, they decided to get some food to eat. 

Fourth Sentence: "Sarah had brought her own chocolate bar, and she had just sat down to eat it when a strange man wearing a black overcoat approached her."

All of these changes would need to be made to the first paragraph alone. Do you understand? I would suggest copying this and pasting it into Word, or another filtering program to try and clear up the errors, and then re-post it if you really want to continue with this idea. Then, the plot could be reviewed. If you don't want to go to that effort, then it's understandable if you want to scrap this story.

P.S. Sorry for the harsh review, it's nothing personal. I just want to help you improve your writing.