User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Wrong Frontier

I am a huge Trekkie. I'm a fan of the shows, movies, (well, most of them. -glares at Star Trek V-) and books. So when I decided to Riff a less nauseating Creepypasta, I decided to look for a Star Trek one. And lo and behold, one pops up, based on Star Trek Online.

Star Trek Online, for those who don't know, is an online MMO game based in the Star Trek universe. I've played it, and it's a lot of fun. So, of course, someone did a Creepypasta based off of it.

Anyway, without any further ado, let's boldly go where no one should go, and Riff this bitch. (Note: First, if you're not a Trekkie, you might not get a lot of these jokes. Second, considered doing this Riff in Klingon, but decided against it)

I have never been a huge MMO fan. As much as I love gaming I don't want to feel chained to a virtual world full of exspensive wants. Then the holodeck isn’t for you! I already exist in a world where all the pretty shiny Pretty pretty shiny shiny items are out of my grasp, unless I toil for them endlessly. If you derive pleasure from virtual economies and jobs I won't knock your fun, but, personally, I just don't see the appeal. Well, you can meet fellow MMO players online, and kick 7 kinds of ass.

However, no matter how much I am disinterested in unending virtual grinds for imaginary wealth I am a giant Trekker nerd. If you were such a “Trekker nerd” I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t call yourself that. I grew up with Next Gen and stayed with it through Enterprise. But screw the Original Series! I read every book and magazine I could find. ''Did you know? Did you read Imzadi? Any of the New Frontier books? Web of the Romulans? Doubt it. Then again, I have over 100 Star Trek book.'' I bought figues. I personally prefer figures, but whatever.

All of this was exciting, however the aspect of Trek merchandise I was most drawn to was the video games. Yep, the games where you need virtual money and points to enhance your crew and ship. Anything that let me pretend I was a space Captain was fine with me. “That’s why I’m a big fan of hallucinogens!”

Hoping to recapture the inner child who reouted plasmadyne relays ''Don’t you mean rerouted plasmadyne relays? Also, I should note that I looked up “plasmadyne” in my Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual, and found no references to it. However, a Google search showed that plasmadyne was a thing'' and inverted tachyon beams I decided Star Trek Online was worth a shot. Honestly, I have to admit I enjoyed it. Yes, there is the dilutium Some Trekkie you are. ''You misspelled dilithium. Shame on you. You have brought dishonor to the House of Illiteracy!'' and faction mark grind. Still, there are these rare moments where I'm controlling a battered ship fighting impossible odds that every thing in the Trek world feels exactly right. ''As someone who’s played STO, I can tell you that starship battles are kind of a pain in the ass. I personally prefer going to locations and such from Star Trek, but whatever.'' It is that attention to detail and mood that casts my find in such stark contrast. Um, what? I was rushing to attend the weekly fleet meeting (A Trek Online Fleet is the same thing as a WOW Guild "Which I totally know about, despite hating MMOs."). In the turbolift of our starbase I accidently slid through the wall. ''Ugh, I hate those glitches. Unless this is like that episode of TNG where Geordi and Ro have become ghosts and can go through walls and are unable to touch anything, but don’t fall through the Enterprise.''

Impressively, the world outside of where you should be able to access is richly detailed. That’s because it’s a DLC for paying players. There were landing pads, outer starbase hulls, and a vast twinkling universe. At first, it was one of the more spectacular glitches I had ever seen. I quickly screencapped as much as I could as I tried my best to explain why I was running late to the meeting. ''“Yeah, you see, I kind of went to an alternate universe. Sorry."''

We spent a few minutes experimenting, trying to see if anyone could see me. No one could see my avatar, though one fleet member did say he saw my phaser rifle dangling in the turbolift. So this is kind of like that episode. During ths time I slipped, but was saved by an invisible floor.

From the floor I could look up and see through the floor where everyone else was. From this vantage point I had the perfect view of the starfield and the thing that was lurking there. Ben Grimm? It was darkly fluid and serpatine, ''Damn serpatine things. I hate them more than serpentine things'' yet it's form was ever changing. Ripples gently flowed through it's body as it moved, almost like some single cell lifeform. It had no face or permanent appenage. It was simply the shape it needed to be at a given moment.

From where I was in the glichted hollow cavern inside the starbase, I was unable to approach or flee. For just a moment, it looked like it was on a set patrol loop. then I made the mistake of mousing my cursor over it. Suddenly, it turned what I assumed was a head in my direction and changed it's course. Growing larger by the second it sped in my direction. ''Well, guess you’ll just die and respawn. Oh well.''

I tried the command for getting unstuck, but it wasn't working. Eventually I just logged out. When I logged back in I was in the Sol Sector, which is the starting federation location. ''Yeah, it’s around Earth. And the Federation is capitalized, you petaQ! (Wait, that’s Klingon, and on STO, there’s a war against the Klingons. Eh, whatever. Klingon profanity.)'' I was several screen away from the fleet and the meeting. As fast as I could I warped to the station, apologized for my tardiness, and tried to put the experience behind me. Why not Google it and see if it’s a common thing?

I am fairly fluent in Trek lore, but I have never heard of anything like that. Perhaps there is something in the expanded universe that explains it that I am unaware of, however, I doubt that is the case. ''As far as I know, in the expanded universe, many Federation plants were devastated by the Borg, who were then defeated. Also, there’s an alliance between the Romulans, Gorn, Kinshaya, Tholians, and Tzenkethi called the Typhon Pact. Yeah, I know, most of you don’t care, but I’m a giant Trekkie, so deal with it.'' While it was somewhat like Gomtuu, a massive living ship encountered by the Next Gen crew, it didn't feel right for Trek. Gomtuu does not look serpentine or serpantine.

It didn't really feel right for optimistic space operas. Optimistic is not a word I'd use to describe that thing. “I would use ‘fabulous’ to describe it though.” Whatever the programmers intended it to be, I doubt it's going to be pleasant.

My only guess, and it is nothing more than that, is that it is there for a future release. Perhaps, it's there for the final season of the game. When the deciper I think you mean Decipher Trek card game wrapped up, it released a final set entitled "All Good Things ..." to wrap up all loose ends, just as Next Gen ended with an episode of the same name. ''Good episode. This isn't a joke or anything. I'm just saying that's a good episode. Well, at the very least, it's better than Enterprise's finale.'' I would not be surprised it the programers have some final challenge to greet their players when it is time to sign off, in much the same fashion. ''“Hello, STO players! The game is ending, so fight this serpantine thing!”''

Until that time, the ribbon-like entity is just beyond the imposed walls. Ribbon-like…so what, is this thing the Nexus? If you find yourself lost in one of the limbo spaces of the game, you might be able to see it. "If not, then you're in the wrong limbo space, you failure." And if you if do, please document it and tell me about it. I want to know that I am not the only one. 5 years later, no one sends him anything, and this guy is living in his mom’s basement.

This pasta is not very good. While I do appreciate the Trek references, this is poorly written and not very scary. I really have no idea what this story was going for. And, seriously, you have 6 TV shows, 12 movies, and God knows how many books, and this is the scariest thing you could think of for a Star Trek Creepypasta. Ugh. ghuy'cha.

So, what do you think? Was this pasta good? Bad? Fascinating? Do you wish I would die honorably in battle? Let me know what you think in the comments below. Until next time, live long and prosper.