Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-25795480-20150714052159/@comment-26715482-20150718142344

If the daughter wanted to marry the father wouldn't it make more sense for her to capture him not just murder him? Also the fact the father doesn't try to talk to his daughter first but jumps right into hiding from his daughter after she said "I stalk you while you sleep" which that line in it's self is flawed it should be "watch you while you sleep" not stalk. I didn't feel anything for the mother nor the brother because the only line they showed up in they were killed, along with the co-workers. Also one of the co-workers sent a message saying for the father to run so they knew she was there but sat around and let themselves be murdered. In short this story needs to be longer and more drawn out so you can show the build up to the climax, you need to show some of the minor characters interacting with the father so we can relate or care that they died. I didn't cover the grammar/spelling errors since Empy covered that pretty well.