Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27479827-20151227005801/@comment-24101790-20151227051140

I'm sorry but this feels more like the skeleton plot of a potential story than an actual story. There are additionally capitalization issues: "Lucid Nightmare" really shouldn't be capitalized as it's not a proper noun (the same holds true for lucid dream.) It really feels like you didn't do much research for the premise and dodged any opportunity to give the story credibility. "According to an experiment done by scientists," Scientists from what organization? To what end? How did they achieve the dream state of lucid nightmares? Did they have issues during the experiment? Etc.

The story randomly shifts from the protagonist's perspective to Kyle's without any header or real sense of explanation. One character literally turns into dust with no explanation or foreshadowing. The lucid nightmare state is achieved by chanting. If you're going to focus on such a commonplace concept (nightmares/lucid dreams), you need to create an air of believability to it. The story feels anemic without a lot of events happening. This really doesn't work well when there is a lack of description or attempt to build up the inherent horror of the concept. All in all, this feels like a very early rough draft (highlighted by the fact this is currently in the writer's workshop) rather than a complete story.