Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28266772-20160707162915/@comment-5000412-20160709055635

Damn, I can say that I throughly enjoyed that, mostly because of how original it felt. It has the style of a ritual pasta, but in a perspective that holds much more depth. It's being described to another character, as opposed to the reader directly, which I appreciate.

The illustrations of the tree are very unnerving, especially with how Albert maintains a very formal tone while describing the monstrosity. The curiosity he holds for such a creature creates a shady feeling over the "institution" he's with. It's fine if such a place remains vague, but it should refrain from going into too much detail. I think the story begins to go past the line when Albert refers to one of them as an "established customer" and a "vetting process". When these are added, they begin to create more questions that will remain unanswered.

The beginning (Sarah's message) could hold a bit more substance, rather than a "I found this among other things, here you go", sort of deal. Sarah is not a major character, of course, but I'm unsure if the letter was sent as an interesting find, or as part of a larger investigation. Could be either, I'd say.

I find these to be smaller points, though. The overall voice makes it quite enjoyable, and it has a nice twist once at the pieces come together. It's very solid as it stands. Great work!

-E