Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27361742-20160429184011/@comment-24101790-20160429190653

This is going to need quite a lot of work. Starting with the basics, please use source mode when posting because if you don't, you can get some pretty nasty coding errors on every line. "  Additionally, while it is correct to indent paragraphs in literature, on the wiki formatting, it tends to cause formatting errors.

Onto the story issues, this feels pretty anemic. There isn't a whole lot of description here and what is given is fairly generic: "Blood lined the floor. It was also on the walls. I slipped on the slick blood, and fell. It was fresh." I'm also confused as to how the mother could be brutally stabbed to death by a group of people without alerting the protagonist. There are also some issues in plot progression: "One pulled out a sharp hunting knife, before I could get up and run out. Then everything faded away." How did everything fade away, was the protagonist struck or made to lose consciousness before the stabbing?

Story issues cont.: Why exactly does this not cause them to be concerned. "It sounded like a cross between a very high-pitched sound, like a distorted radio frequency, and a scream. This certainly wasn’t my mother." The mother has already left to go grocery shopping, so continuing to hear footsteps as well as what sounds like radio waves feels a bit off. The ending also feels lackluster. How exactly is the protagonist telling the story in past tense if it ends with them being stabbed to death? All in all, this needs quite a bit of fleshing out, filling up plot holes, and adding more tension and description to the story. I'm sorry but this is going to need a lot of work. If it were uploaded in its current form, it would likely be deleted for not being up to quality standards.