Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26968151-20170621144444/@comment-32367924-20170623100444

At the beginning, some of the details might be unneccesary when describing more trivial character actions such as when Fred clenching his fists. These details are boring and draw no suspension or interest form the reader, so try focusing more details into the setting, and intereaction with other characters. I feel as if you also reused a few adjectives, so try using more powerful ones the first time around to convey the character's emotions better. Also try using a more subtle choice of words with character dialouge, as to make it more realistic.