Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36300157-20190219121536/@comment-38907033-20190324022544

This story is definitely salvageable. Here are some bulletpoints of what I think could use work, or insight on previously touched subjects.

• Wording: Using words like 'kind' and 'nice' is FINE! They are to the point and easy to understand. It puts an accurate description into the readers' heads; and if you don't want to spend time describing pointless secondary characters, simple words are fine. A lot of beginning writers replace descriptive words with esoteric, bigger ones, with more syllables. Doing this is fine, too, but having too many 'wordy' words will bore the reader (trust me, I'm speaking from experience). They're specific, yes, but sometimes they don't allow the reader to infer their own perspective and apply their own imagination to your story-- WHICH IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS!

• Storyline Predictability: Who cares? This is your story, and whatever feels right, put it in. If you keep doing that, whatever comes out on the other end will be undoubtedly yours. Tropes, however, you need to pick one in this story. The idea of the sweet little girl returning each day to be locked away is honestly, really interesting. I expected some sort of child-abuse theme. But there's supernatural force, then a bloody knife, and at that point I lost what was trying to be said. The detail of the boarded windows was awesomely creepy, and in my opinion, you should focus on Mary and her dilemna. And, the mother gets lost somewhere after the narrarator goes into the cellar. You should bring her back, and elaborate on how she feels. But again, too much detail can be a drag.

• Setting: You should specify the time period its in, and maybe even the town. It's all very vague there. The reader can determine the time period by little things the characters do! Like, "I dropped a nickle in for the coke,' makes it obvious that they're in the 1950's or 60's.

That being said I loved this premise! Yes, there are grammatical errors and all, but that can be fixed after the story. I like the ending too, it was really creepy! :D