Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37430001-20181107224224/@comment-28428152-20181109194335

I would honestly get rid of the intro paragraph. It comes off as campy and very 2012-2013 CP. Also, this must be the dumbest kid on the planet. Since he can read, he's probably at least 5 or 6 years old, at which point I would fully expect a kid to be able to realize that something's not right with the computer and be doubtful. I mean, I remember being that old and I never would have believed a computer to tell me to murder my family but that it "wasn't real" in order to have Christmas every day.

Also, having the entire internet being a singular AI system seams a bit unbelievable if it takes place in 2018 and not in the future. Maybe it could be a mysterious virus that was sweeping through the internet?

Also, how rich are these people? Is this elevator in his house? And I wouldn't say that they have tehnology that surpasses most humans, that makes it sound like it takes place in the year 2040 or something. I would just say they have Smart Devices throughout their homes.

I would also suggest finding a better way to switch perspectives, because the note in the midle of it really disrupts the flow. Honestly since it was in thrird person already, you could probably just keep it in third person omniscient the whole way through. Or maybe have the whole thing be from the standpoint of the security footage.