Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24821182-20140520130632/@comment-24821182-20140520181654

Mystreve wrote: Very cool.

I like the build-up on Andy's story. I even chuckled when the math teacher agreed that math was useless. You were able to make me despise Andy, and in the end the heathen got exactly what he deserved. I like the mundanity and violent randomness of where he wound up.

I think the dark elf should've been more careful with his words when enticing Andy, however. If Lioneir would have tried that line on someone familiar with Forgotten Realms lore, he might've failed in his endeavors since the dark elves live underground and hate humans.

Aside from some minor grammatical issues that I noticed, this was a cool read. Can't see why it shouldn't be on the main site. I actually based Lioneir largely on Drizzt Do'Urden - or the physical features, anyway. I decided to go with a dark elf since that would justify him having evil intentions, but I agree that it should be obvious to anyone familiar with fantasy that dark elves are associated with... well... darkness.

When I wrote it, I figured that Andy would be so absorbed by his megalomania that he was completely oblivious to Lioneir's scheme to take everything away from him.

I do think I'll use your advice to make some adjustments to the story, so that it'll seem more plausible for Andy to have blind faith in a dark elf - or maybe he should be a gold elf or a wood elf instead?

Anyway, thank you so much for the review.