Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20140808234352/@comment-25226524-20140809014523

Well let me start off by saying this is amazing. The concept is original as far as I know, and very intriguing. I really can't see anything I would change other than a few minor mistakes.

One thing I think might help is if you give your boss a name, and at the end, say My boss, Mr. whatever. It will help to humanize him.

You may not want to change this one, but I think the sentence, "You take a life, you must end one." could be changed. Those two things sound the same, perhaps, "You take a human life, you must end one of your own." I'm not sure if it's necessary, but it was just something I was thinking.

I saw a few little mistakes like "who's" when it should have been "whose" and "it's" when it should have been "its". The words were used in possessive form, so these are the correct forms. I'm sure you know that and just missed it, I do it all the time. I might have seen a couple other typos but I can't recall where they were.

Anyway, as I said, this is an amazing story in my opinion, and could definitely be the beginning of a great series. Keep them coming! : )