Talk:Bloody Mearle/@comment-36393004-20180913164444

I liked the premise of the story. There are a lot of stories out there, all over the place really, about situations like this. The spirit warning drivers of possible danger. The only problem I had was some of your wording seemed clunky and broke my concentration.

Example:

"I gave up and decided to forget about it. But I never forgot. The image of that man drenched in blood and yelling in my face haunts my nightmares and will stay with me as long as I live."

The middle sentence isn't needed. Instead try:

"I gave up and tried to forget about it, but the image of that man drenched in blood and yelling in my face haunts my nightmares. It will stay with me as long as I live."

It just reads a lot better that way.