Talk:Catching the Bouquet/@comment-24118811-20141012150627

It needs a lot of help, you kept mentioning the bouquet, it would've been better if the character had a flashback to the reason why the creature came in the first place like "then I realized why that creature was here, the bouquet", also, at the end, you could've added a little extra because the creature smiling, IS NOT enough, could've left out the "(for those who don't know, that's the police number for the UK)", it takes away from the story, considering you wrote about the experience, not while experiencing it.

Now as for the family members, give us an insight on who they are, who is your brother, What about your parents, sister, and as for the babysitter, what happened to her at her house or before she arrived to take care of the brother that made her so frightened.

Needs suspense, other than that, decent at best.