Talk:The Couch/@comment-25930992-20151006113149

Here's all of what sticks out to me.

"Cliché as it may be, I really am a rational person, and, if not for this, I would probably be the most stone-faced atheist you'd ever meet."

'''Already, there's a factual innacuracy. You don't have to not believe in ANYTHING to be an atheist, just not believe in a god. You can't even get that right. Let's use this as an example as to why you need to do some research pre-writing.'''

"Alright, before I wax too melodramatic, here's my story."

You've already missed that train by a few lightyears, Mr.Author.

"Then, a hand reached out from under the couch back at me."

'''All that proceeds this is the protagonist (literally) losing his marbles. That escilated quickly, and had no buildup. First scare is already ruined.'''

"I remember the image vividly, and I suspect I always will. It was a slim hand, with tapered fingers - a woman's hand. It was gnarled and wrinkled, as if aged, and it was dead black. Not black as in African, black as in dead. Of course, back then, I didn't know that corpses blacken as they decompose, so I didn't know what the black meant."

'''Please don't stop the plot for too long to describe something. Especially avoid doing so if you HAVE A SENTENCE THAT EXPLAINS WHAT YOU JUST EXPLAIN IN THE END OF THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE. When people see "dead black", if they're not a stupid racist, the last thing they'd be thinking about is african american. That's because "dead" makes it so the "black" doesn't corrispond to "black person".'''

"But here's the scary part..."

Don't tell the audience how to feel, please.

"...since I was an extremely quiet, well-behaved kid who didn't ever lie."

Congrats on being the most impossible human ever, Mr.Protagonist.

"It was a bag of utility razor-blades."

'''And this was supposed to be the final scare? The, big chilling note that spooks the audience? It doesn't work at all. It's not at all built up to. The only thing that has ANY relation to the razor blades was the logo on the bag. That's basically a huge "I dun geddit". Why not have the razor blades be a theme throughout the story, so they actually have some sort of significance? Jesus, even in Sonic.exe, while the Sonic plushie thing was stupid, it atleast made sense as the main antagonist was sonic.'''

I hope you use these critisms to improve your craft. This wasn't good, but it wasn't bad. You've got potential as a writer.