Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20140829220719

I tried something new with this one, so I really need the feedback if you have the time to read this. Enjoy.

We do things a little differently in this town. The rules are strict and, if you do not abide, there are consequences. My mother chose to move here after the divorce, her friend coaxing her into dragging my younger brother and I across the country. Immediately, I knew something was off about our new 'home.'

Every house within eyes reach were identical. Each the same boxy structure with a three car garage, black front door, and plain white panelling down the sides. The houses resembled those of the countless plantation styled homes back home. To make matters worse, each lawn was polished to perfection, almost as if the owner's of each house got down on their hands in knees to make sure not even one strand of grass was misplaced. But, to my disbelief, the peculiar set up was the least of my worries.

Once we were settled into the house, preparing to rearrange furniture as desired, a woman dressed in white knocked on our door. After greeting the woman, permitting her to come inside, she walked around the house, observing the furniture and boxes.

"May I talk to you for a moment, Ms. Hall," the woman said, crossing her arms.

My mother quickly shooed my brother and I into the next room before walking towards the woman. Daniel, my brother, immediately followed mother's order, making his way towards his room to unpack the endless boxes within it. I, on the other hand, chose to listen in on the conversation they deemed unfit for two teenaged boys as I hid behind the corner.

"There are specific guidelines you have agreed upon prior to moving into our town, Ms. Hall. As you already know, we do not tolerate insubordination here. So, the next time I come to visit, I expect the furniture to be in its designated area and each box to be unpacked. There will be no other warning," she said, un-crossing her arms before walking towards the exit.

My mother stood still for a moment after the door closed behind the freakish lady, her hand resting upon her chest.

"Mom," I said, alarming her as I approached.

"Jesse, I told you to go unpack," she said, angrily.

I stepped away from her, noticing the frustration building within her eyes. Almost as if I was in a lucid dream, memories of my parents arguing flooded my mind. The sound of glass shattering against the wall replaying viciously as Daniel and I covered our ears, avoiding the propelling shards.

"Are you okay, mom?" I questioned, snapping back into reality.

She nodded, a weakened smile stretching over her face as she seemed to recognized the hurt within my eyes.

"I'm perfectly fine, Jesse. Just... please go upstairs and unpack," she said, softly.

I glanced at her briefly before turning my back and rushing upstairs. Once I made it to my room, I grabbed the box-cutter and sliced open the first box I picked up.

"I'm done with my room. Need help?" Daniel questioned, standing in the doorway.

"Yeah, captain obvious," I said, jokingly.

Daniel walked into the room and sat adjacent to me, opening the box full of my collectible action figures.

"So, watcha hear?" Daniel asked, carefully placing each figure on the built in shelf parallel to my bed.

I stood up, walking towards the dresser with an arm full of shirts.

"That lady gives me the creeps, man. She told mom to change the furniture around. Something's not right about this place," I said, stuffing my clothes into the cramped drawer.

Daniel walked over to the next box.

"I mean look around, dude. Of course they're gonna be strict here. All of the houses look the fucking same. This is some twilight zone shit," he said, laughing.

Though Daniel was taking the situation lightly, joking about the oddities of the town, I couldn't help but worry. Something wasn't right. I could feel it in my gut.

"Well, I guess we will see. I just know something's off, and I hope I don't have to find out what," I said, pushing in the drawer.

After a few hours of unpacking and small talk, we finally finished my room. Though it wasn't identical to my last bedroom, at least it felt homier.

"Daniel! Jesse! Dinner's ready!" Mom called from downstairs.

Immediately, Daniel and I lunged for the door, our shoulders crashing into one another's as we battled for first dibs. Obviously, I was victorious.

"Asshole," Daniel breathed out as we approached the dining room.

Mom immediately caught Daniel's gaze, her eyes narrowing.

"I told you about cursing, Daniel," she said, her hands resting on her hips.

Daniel lowered his head.

"Sorry, mom," he mumbled.

Her eyes calmed as she gestured for us to take our seats. Naturally, Daniel and I opted for a seat close to one another, but mom immediately interjected.

"There are six chairs. Jesse, you sit here. Daniel, you sit there," she said, pointing.

I found it odd I had to move a chair over. I mean, mom never gave a damn before...

"Why do we have to sit apart; We always sit next to eachother. What's the big deal?" I questioned, Daniel immediately glancing over at me with worrisome eyes.

"Because I said so, Jesse. This is a new house with new rules. Don't question me," she said, sternly.

I sunk down into my chair, radiating with anger as mom saturated our plates with food, instead of letting us do it ourselves. This time, I didn't object to her strange new method. Instead, I ate the food before me in silence.

The next morning was strange. Mom decided to wake Daniel and I up at the crack of dawn, forcing us to shower. She even picked out our outfits, the highlight of the garb being the freshly ironed corduroys.

"Dude, we look like child molesters," Daniel whispered, checking to see if mom was within earshot.

I nodded, walking slowly down the stairs.

"This is bullshit," Daniel continued, following closely behind as we approached our guest.

"Hello," she said, looking over us with inspecting eyes.

I found her gaze bone chilling.

"Good morning," Daniel and I said in sync.

The woman seemed pleased, but only momentarily.

"Ms. Hall, we can continue about the tour," she said, walking passed us with vigor.

Mom quickly caught up to the woman's pace, primping her hair as she did so.

"That lady is creepy," Daniel said, speaking what I had been thinking.

I nodded, crossing my arms.

"Now I know these people are strange," I said, glancing over at Daniel with daunting eyes.

After some time, the woman came into view. She stopped before us, her cold eyes criticizing us as she revealed a crooked smile.

"As you may have noticed, this town is different from others. We pride ourselves on discipline, rules, and moral standards. If either of you shall disobey, there will be consequences that even your mother cannot relinquish. I'm sure you two boys will understand. Behave and there will be no punishment," she said, nodding before walking towards the front door.

Daniel and I stood still for a few moments, not even a sigh escaping our mouths as we reflected on the woman's speech. It was a clear indication of everything I had immediately thought about the town.

"She just-- threatened us," Daniel said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Jesse, Daniel, let's go. I have a few things to pick up for the house," mom announced.

Daniel immediately looked down at his outfit before darting his eyes back towards mom's.

"Like this? Come on, mom. You want me to look like an Old Navy mannequin? Everyone's going to laugh," he said, attempting to give mom his infamous puppy dog eyes.

She shook her head, declining his objection.

"No one will laugh. I promise," she said, grabbing her purse and walking towards the front door," let's go."

Reluctantly, Daniel and I walked out of the house and climbed into the truck outside. On our way there, I stared out of the window, looking to spot even one difference in the town, but my attempts were fruitless. Everything was identical. The only difference I noticed was our truck. Everyone else in town had white mid sized cars... Our truck was a rusting orange.

"Okay, here are the rules," mom said, parking in the parking lot of the store," you aren't allowed to leave my side. If anyone talks to you, you are to reply back, politely. Daniel, no flirting, okay?"

Daniel opened his car door, looking down at the gravel outside as the sun beat down on his face.

"Alright, alright," he said, stepping out of the car.

I followed his lead, stepping outside as mom did the same.

"Jesse, you as well. No flirting with the girls," she said, her eyes burning into mine.

"Gotcha," I said, walking around the car to meet up with Daniel.

Mom took the lead, toting Daniel and I at her side as if we were toddlers crossing the street. Not only were we expected to wear a geeky giddup, we were expected to act as children rather than the 17 and 18 year olds we were.

"Smile," mom said as we walked through the automatic doors.

Before us were three men, all dressed similar to Daniel and I. Immediately, they greeted us, welcoming us into their store. Mom did most of the talking as my cheeks began to tire from smiling.

"You are the Halls," the middle man said, gleaming a perfect, white smile.

Daniel and I nodded.

"Yes, we are," mom said, shaking the man's hand.

She pinched Daniel and I in the back, gesturing for us to do the same.

"Nice to meet you," I said, shaking each man's hand.

I quickly noticed something odd about the texture of their hands. They were smooth, much like a woman's, and they were cold, freezing actually.

"It is our pleasure to welcome you into town. Please, feel free to shop. If you need any help, just find one of us and we will guide you to what you need," the middle man said, his smile still intact.

"Thank you," mom said, pulling Daniel and I passed the men.

Looking around the store, I noticed the unusual set up. There were columns erected along the aisles, polished shrubbery also lining the building. Though it resembled some type of classical ball, the only thing reminding me that it was a store were the mannequins in the apparel section.

"Classical music?" Daniel questioned, referring to the music playing overhead.

My mother smiled, though her eyes told Daniel off.

"Don't question things, Daniel. It's not polite," she said, nodding at a family passing by.

Daniel sighed, glancing in the direction of a girl walking towards us. He immediately looked my way, mischievous intent painted on his face.

"I have to use the bathroom," he said, glancing over at mom.

She seemed to think to herself for a moment, a look of concern on her face.

"It's over there, Daniel. Just-- make sure you don't do anything stupid. Jesse and I will be in the fabric section when you're done," she said, pointing across the desolate aisle.

Daniel nodded before walking off. I knew exactly what he was going to do once mom was a safe distance away, but I wasn't a snitch. Mom couldn't expect us not to do things teenaged boys do. It's within our nature to screw up from time to time, and, rules like the ones she named off, were meant to be broken.

Once we made it to the fabric section, mom began sifting through countless fabrics, all resembling the last: white and plain.

"Why is everything so weird here, mom?" I questioned, breaking the silence she seemed to bask in.

"Everything is weird when it's new, Jesse. You and Daniel will get used to it. There's just-- things you two cannot do here," she said, glancing beyond me, checking if anyone could overhear our discussion.

"Can't do? What are they gonna do to us? Lock us up for flirting with girls? Hang us for wearing our own style of clothes? Let me guess, we will get sentenced to death by a firing squad if we don't move furniture around how they want us to, huh?" I asked, sarcastically.

Mom covered my mouth, her eyes wild and wide.

"Don't say anything like that again! You got that?" She said, her tone as venomous as a black mamba's bite.

I nodded, staring deeply into her lunatic eyes. She was unrecognizable. After all of the fights I've witnessed with my parents, recollecting upon the rage secreting through their skin as they launched obscenities at each other... Even then, at the precipice of derangement, I had never seen her look this way.

"Is everything okay back there?" A man's voice questioned from behind me.

I turned, forcing a smile upon my face as I fought back the tears bundling within my eyes.

"Everything's fine. Thank you," my mother spoke, her face now cheerful.

The man smiled, nodding as he carried on.

"I'm sorry," mom said, the smile dissolving from her face," it's just-- I don't want anything to... happen to you two."

Though I could tell she was on the verge of tears, I wanted so badly to question her further, retaining some form of knowledge of the hole we were buried deep within. But, instead of upsetting her further and gathering suspicious eyes, I chose to accept her apology. Besides, the public wasn't the place to confront the truth.

So I dropped the subject, offering to hold the countless rolls of fabric as my mother explained her use for them. She was told to make curtains, even though she didn't tell me that from her own mouth. I could see in her eyes she felt in over her head.

"Where's your brother?" She questioned, looking down at her watch.

It had been an hour and a half since we saw him, so my mother began to panic. We dropped the fabric to the floor, frantically looking around the store for Daniel. Each aisle produced the same result... no Daniel.

After an extended search, mom and I ended our journey in front of the apparel section. As we scrambled our thoughts, our minds racing with possibilities, I just so happened to look over mom's shoulder. There, standing before the crowd of people gazing upon it, was a mannequin. Immediately, my mouth fell to the floor as chills crept up my spine. Mom followed my gaze, a look of horror stretching across her face as she recognized the bright, blue eyes of Daniel.

His eyeballs moved sporadically, though the wax encasing him oozed onto the post he stood upon, confirming his condition. The people gathered around him stared in awe of his dying body as his muffled screams were barely audible over Beethoven symphony 9 playing over the loudspeaker. I rushed towards him, pushing through countless people in the process.

"Daniel! Daniel! I'm here!" I shouted, touching his leg.

The wax immediately burned my hand, causing me to scream aloud.

"Step away, now," a familiar voice sounded.

I turned around, gazing upon the woman we met the day before. The woman that gave me the creeps.

"There are rules you must follow, dear boy. If you wish to disobey these orders, you will meet a fitting punishment in accordance to the severity of the broken rule. I can only hope that your brother will be a learning tool for you," she said, stepping towards me.

I backed away, ignoring the burning sensation stemming from the wax coating my hand.

"Your brother-- let him be your inspiration, child," the crowd began to chant in a monotone voice.

As I backed away, my body drowning in pain, shock, and horror, I caught eyes with my mom. She stared for a second, tears falling from her eyes as she did so. But, her tears didn't last long. After her last tear evaporated and her grieving had ceased, she slowly walked towards the crowd, chanting...

"Let him be your inspiration. Let him be your inspiration. Let him be your inspiration." 