Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26373253-20150625202138/@comment-26475800-20150627031835

This is a really good idea. putting someone in the mind of someone who is going mad, or thinking they are going mad is wonderful.

There are some things that I would suggest however. There is too much left open with all three endings. The first ending was far too vague. I thought he was about to be hit by a car not a train, or even that he was inside of a trunk or something. I know that doesn't add up with the rest of the story, but I am tired and couldn't think with an ending that obscure at the moment. Sorry.

The second ending was good and most likely the best you have at the moment. I also like the idea of the man living, which I feel is always the correct way to end a first person narrative.

But there are still a lot of unanswered questions I have on the story that kind of kills it. Who is the person who had attacked him? You should make that being more known, unless his wounds are self-inflected, which would also need to be made known.

If it is a person, give a little more details about that in the end, maybe have the cops looking for a killer who has been dumping bodies on the subway tracks, something. This story is great for leaving much to the reader, but it is leaving a little too much to figure out.

The concept is really good though and you can make this a really good story. I would like to read it when it is finished.

Hope this helps.