Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36957522-20180927160401/@comment-36627132-20180927171006

Since I was the one who called for this story's page to be deleted, I suppose I owe it to you to give you an in depth review.

Spelling Issues 1: First off, the story is broken into walls of text. Second off, you forgot to capitalize the beginning of each word starting a sentance. "it was a bad day for Autum river she was alone in her room." the first word should be capitalized ("It" instead of "it") on top of that you didn't capitalize her last name (in fact you don't even capitalize her parents' last name either), and a punctuation after her name is much needed. "I've told you to just get rid of the dam child if she has this many problems Lyra!" first off it is spelled "damn", second it should be "this many problems, Lyra." "she heard her fathers angry voice" it should be "she heard her father's angry voice" (apostrophe is needed if something is possessive). "she started hurting immediately she didn’t want" there should be some kind of punctuation at the end of immediately. ""Hi my names scarlett!" should be "Hi, my name's Scarlett!". "shook scarlett's hand'Autum." you forgot a space before the quotation mark. "scarlet thought for a moment" from line onward you spell her name with only one T.

Spelling Issues 2: "they weren't to personal." should be "they weren't too personal." "it has been a few years by now" the "by" part is unnecessary. " Autum had finished  grade school" there is a double space after "finished". "You can’t hide from me..." letters should be in quotation marks. "it was addressed to her but why." replace that period with a question mark. "and how would whoever" there should be a question mark after how. "he was angru" you misspelled "angry". "hid from him.it was" you forgot the space after the period. "the fourth read i will catch you... it was starting to drive her mad." there is no transition between their texts and the story's narration. "but others she would seem insane." should be "but to others she would seem insane". "why are we still here?...why not leave?" elipsis is three dots and a space, you forgot the spaces. "he always was talking to herself in such a manor so only she could hear." you might want to note that she is talking quietly.

Spelling Issues 3: "she was thinking about nothing and everything at once." as cool as you might think that sounds, it is just contradicting. "she hadn't seen Autum kill a man nor did she see Autum's sanity snap completely" it should be "she hadn't seen Autum kill her father, nor did she see Autum's sanity completely slip." "her hair was also touched by the blood." should be "her hair was also drenched in blood". "a few weeks later she meet up with scarlet." it should be "A few weeks later she met up with Scarlett." "she found her father dead scarlet saw through the lie." there should be a punctuation before Scarlett's name. "your on your own." should be "you're on your own." "gotten blood all over her favorite dress." not only is that gramatically wrong, why is she still wearing that blood soaked dress? And why is no one noticing a young girl wandering around wearing a blood stained dress?

Spelling Issues Rundown: You neglect to capitalze her last name, there is a lot of missing punctuation, too many elipsis which you neglect to add spaces after, Scarlett changes to Scarlet, this story is broken up into walls of text, and dialogue is not broken up.

Plot Issues 1: First off, the whole abusive parents (even if it is just one of them) thing is a cliche. "she realized that her father Jacob river hat hit her mother Lyra river." that shouldn't be a realization, it should be something she already knows. Then we have all these people who know her father beats her, yet they don't do anything about it. Then we get a contradiction: you say everyone stares at her, then you say nobody notices her. Then when she meets Scarlett everyone is looking at her again. "how her mother thinks she is nothing but a problem and used to smack her over nothing. about how everything was going wrong for her. How her father used her to get out his anger." as I've said abusive parents is a total cliche.

Plot Issues 2: "it had been a few weeks since she had found a note then again she may have just missed them." I have a feeling this is going to be a dead end sentance that doesn't have anything to do with the actual plot. " it was one of the days that she was seemingly insane." this is the first we're really hearing of this. "she was tempted to grab a knife and stab him but she wouldn't dare she didn't want to lose whatever sanity she had left." killing someone doesn't automatically make you go insane. "she thought about the creepy stage in her life and that brought her back to this world." what now? Did I miss something within one of these walls of text? What world?

Plot Issues 3: Then there's the part where Scarlett texts Autum and tells her that her father is chasing her. If she has a phone why doesn't she call the police, and why would she worry about if it made sense or not? And as I predicted this leads us to the cliche scene where she kills her abusive father. "the light blue one that just reached past her knees and the sleeves that went just past her elbows." why is she wearing that? I'm assuming for the sake of having your killer character wear something cool, and this just leads to a description of your killer OC.

Plot Issues 4: When she meets up with Scarlett again Scarlett breaks up with her for no reason other than defending her and saving her life. "anyone would think Autum would be crying her eyes out but instead she ran in front of scarlet." No I think most of us predicted that. "You can run but i will catch you you can hide but i will find you she wrote it in two lines." cliche OC killer catchphrase. "he shot her in her left shoulder blade." she's running towards him, the shoulder blades are in the back not the front! And I'm pretty sure a cop wouldn't go over and check her pulse. Then when she is killing the cop he just takes it. Then of course we end with (what I'm assuming) is the cliche news report.

Plot Issues Rundown: It's your typical abuse kid/teenager goes crazy story which involves them killing their parents, becoming a murderer, coming up with a catchphrase, wearing some kind of costume (or similar), and with some kind of deformity, and somehow the OC killer becomes stronger and more powerful than everyone else, all with a news report about the killer somewhere. It's Jeff the Killer all over again!