Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27838637-20160426151716/@comment-25569708-20160503010248

Well, I just got done reading your story, and I can assure that it was not awful. That being said, there are a few things that could usie fixing/cleanup/consideration. Firstly, the errors. I am assuming that the errors in the very beginning are Michael's fault, not yours.

"Michaels father" should be "Michael's father"

"done exactly as I asked of him" should be "did exactly as I asked of him"

"...please be CAREFFUL!" Careful is misspelled.

"his sons learning" should be "his son's learning"

"What calibre is she?" should be "What caliber is she?"

"its Saturday" should be "it's Saturday"

"a shudder of dread run op my spine" should be "a shudder of dread run up my spine"

"his current whereabouts is unknown" should be "his current whereabouts are unknown"

"twenty-fuckin-questions!" should be "twenty-fuckin'-questions!"

"It’s night’s like this" should be "It’s nights like this"

"I didn’t understand his change of tone, was it something I said." should be "I didn’t understand his change of tone. Was it something I said?"

"“Who the fuck is Max?” He said, coldly." should be "“Who the fuck is Max?” he said, coldly."

"In all my confusion all I couldn’t describe what I seen in front of me" should be something like "In all my confusion, I could not describe what I was seeing in front of me"

Next, here are a few various things I was a little unsure of.

"Parent-Teacher interviews". I'm not sure if "Parent-Teacher" should be capitalized. I could be wrong.

""...please be CAREFFUL!"" If you are trying to imply that Mr. Tyrell is yelling, italics would be a better choice opposed to all caps.

"The typical kindergarten bullshit happens between the staff of a school as much as the students." This entire sentence comes off as a little award-sounding.

"‘I am too invested in my job and the lives of others to have a family’." I am unsure why this sentence is in quotations, and it comes a little out of nowhere.

In the paragraph talking about Ivan Milat, you use the word "theorized" three times. This is a little redundant.

The "Also, on a bit of a more comedic note..." part about the PlayStation and Ivan Milat is also a bit out of place, although I will admit it is pretty funny.

The "animalistic feature" and "paw-like features" parts are a little awkward.

Okay, finally, the story. I actually quite liked it, and I was interested the entire way through. And even though it is a bit of a read, I never felt as though my time was wasted. I liked being inside Mr. Tyrell's head. I think the whole thing had a mostly good flow, except the hunting scene which felt like it went by a bit too quickly. You described a very graphic scene with a lot of blood, but you didn't overdo it, nor was it the main shock point of the story. I liked that.

One part I didn't care for, however, was Max's "deranged smile", as that has been done many times before in pastas. Also, I found it interesting that Max was this sort of shapeshifter, but I couldn't help wondering why Max just let Mr. Tyrell go away into the forest instead of just killing him right away. I'll assume that it was because Max wanted to hunt down Mr. Tyrell like an animal.

Also, earlier in the story, I felt that it was a bit odd for Max and Mr. Tyrell to be engaging in foul language with each other at a parent-teacher conference, even if they were being casual with each other. I also feel that Mr. Tyrell should be a little more concerned about Max's bizarre behavior than he currently is.

I like the last line of the story, but I wonder why Max shot Mr. Tyrell with a gun in human form instead of just killing him immediately in beast form. Another thing, if the shapeshifter was not Michael's true father (as I thought was implied), then what happened to Michael's true father? Just a thought.

All in all I enjoyed this story, but it will need some cleanup in the paces I mentioned, and one final proofread. You will probably also want to rewrite some lines throughout, to improve flow. I hope my feedback helps you improve your story, as it was a good one.

Good job and good luck, fellow Creeper! :)