Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27838637-20160727122520

Alrighty then.

This story isn't finished. I'm only halfway through, but I have alot on my plate these coming days and I'd just prefer to recieve some feedback on what I have done so far. If I recieve feedback on the more technical aspects of the story now, including pacing and just the way it is written in general, I'll be more inclined to give it a total rewrite if it's not up to snuff. I'll also be able to write the rest of the story much easier if I have a clear idea on what people think, and what their expectations are.

I know there is still alot of mystery and it may be hard to give feedback, but I'm probably going to have an insanely busy next couple of days, and if I don't have time to write the story, I might as well utilize that time to make progress in the form of feedback!

A_O.

 THE CAR 

The following journal entries were seized by the Australian Police Force as evidence for the 'Martlet Case' in late 2015. These journal entries were anonymously released to the public sometime after the evidence was deemed unreliable in a court of law. The entries were penned by Keith Martlet; and their accuracy has neither been confirmed nor denied by any party other than the author himself.



 Entry 1 - 24-08-2015



It has been quite a day today at Martlet Mechanics! I know we have had a rough couple of months financially, but it seems somebody has caught wind of our struggles and sent us a helping hand.



When I arrived at work today, there was a Bentley Continental GT parked in front of the workshop garage; a '14 model. It was a custom build - matte black with carbon-fibre trims, mirrors and hood. There was even a set of expensive Pirelli Road-Racing tyres on it. Everything was street legal, and being a custom build I was confused as to why it was parked at my dingy little workshop when it could have easily been taken to a more 'professional' mechanic.



But that was before I looked inside the car.



Oddly enough, the vehicle was unlocked. But it wasn't the luxury leather seats or polished timber dashboard and steering wheel that caught my attention - it was the copper box on the driver's seat. I know that I shouldn't go rummaging around through the items of others, but I was intrigued. I twisted the latch, and the lid sprang up. On the inside of the lid was a sticky-note, with a message neatly penned onto it.



 "Hello friend. May good fortune and luck follow your kind heart. Keep this gift, and how you discovered it a secret. In this box you will find the keys to your new car, and a generous amount of money to contribute to the upkeep of this fine establishment."



Sure enough, inside the box was a key to the car, and a stack of cash.



To be more specific: A key to the car, and $5,000.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt">The rest of the day was average. After parking the car in the workshop, I finished servicing Ben's SVX. Had to finish early though, to pick up the kids from school; Cath had to work late… again.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt">I know I'm a bit down on myself at times, but I doubt that this gift was meant for me. I know my family needs the money more than anything right now, but I just don't feel like it's the right thing to do. I'm sure Cath would agree with me, not that I will tell her.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt">I'll sleep on it, and try to make up my mind tomorrow morning. I might not know who the real owner is, but I'm certain the police can find that out for me.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt"> Entry 2 - 25-08-2015

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">I'm having a few concerns today. Don't get me wrong, we've had a number of customers come in today, and I told my wife she could finish early for once! But, it's just - something a little strange happened.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">I was planning to notify the police about the car. I mean, it could be stolen, or the money could be stolen, and that would just fall back on me in so many ways that I'd be in a worse position than I already am. So I turned up to work, ready to put the money back into the car and call the police. But when I opened that copper box to put the money back, there was another note, and another pile of cash.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt"> "A kind heart is good. A true heart is just. Keith, this money, and car, are yours. Do not tell the police, do not tell anybody - for my heart is not as kind as yours.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt"> In the box is $2,500… There is plenty more to come, provided you heed my wish."

<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">

<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">Yeah, tell me how fucked up that is? A passive-aggressive threat like that under any other circumstances and I wouldn't think twice about notifying the police. But I had to factor in the money. $7,500 in two days was just too good to pass up.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">But how did the money get into the car? How could somebody possibly get into the workshop when it was locked? I checked everywhere, and there were no forced locks or broken windows. Fuck, even the air vents were closed, so they couldn't have come in through the roof.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">So, I've been checkmated. I can't call the police, and I can't just allow somebody to waltz through my workshop after closing hours, especially if they have the nerve to threaten me. But, I called Alan, and using the money, I installed a brand new security system. It was a bit rough working around installing the security and doing repairs for the influx of new customers, but I kept it under control.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">Anyway, I'm worrying about the car too much…

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">I was able to buy the ingredients to cook my family a decent meal tonight. Venison Pies! It's been a while since I've cooked, but my average pies were still a nice change compared to rice and pasta, which we have been eating way too much of. Also took my boys to football training, which was really fun. I haven't gotten a chance to see them play all year, and they have improved so much. Hopefully I get enough time off to watch them play their first game of the season.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">Anyway, in writing this I realize how much of a difference that money is making. I still have so many questions - hopefully they will be answered tomorrow.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt"> Entry 3 - 26-08-2015

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">Talk about a stressful day! Let me start from the beginning…

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">I got to work early, to check on the security tapes. There was absolutely no activity whatsoever, not even the outside floodlights or silent alarms were triggered. I was both happy, and disappointed. But now I just feel uncomfortable, maybe even a certain degree of dread. Upon inspection of the car, there was another note, and no cash.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt"> "You don't trust me Keith? These cameras aren't nearly enough to deter me. Naughty boys receive no gifts. Naughty boys get punished."

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">Right then and there, the power cut off. There were windows in the workshop so it wasn't exactly dark. But the light itself was enough to make me uncomfortable; the way it glanced over the tables and dusty old cars, illuminating the dirty air and oil stains. It was just unnatural.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">Then, out of nowhere, the radio turned on. The news station usually has exceptional reception but for the first time in forever it fizzed and crackled as if there were none. A message then came through the speakers, distorted, but audible enough for me to make out a the message.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt"> "Police are now searching for … sports car … perhaps a Rolls … or a Bentley … car has been seen escaping … robberies in the southern rural areas…"

<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:12.0pt">

<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt">Then, the lights and power came back on. I was mortified, shocked, I couldn't even move for at least a full five minutes. I just sat on the bench with my head in my hands, contemplating what I could possibly do next.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt">Not one customer came in today, just to pour the salt in my fucking wounds. To the dismay of my family I was shitty at home, even yelled at my son and made him cry. I've never done that before. My wife didn't even want to sleep with me. I have to sleep on this fucking couch, where I'll get no sleep. I don't know what to do. I'll think about it tomorrow.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt"> Entry 4 - 27-08-2015

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt">More of the same. Bad luck, bad day. No notes, no cash, no customers, just nothing.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt">At least I could spend some time with the wife and kids. That would have to be the highlight of my day. At least that didn't go wrong. We went to the park and played some football - had a sunset picnic on the lake. The bad luck at work seems to be showing how much I've been taking my family life for granted. It might seem crazy, but I cut the power to the cameras off when I left work today. Maybe this car will converse with me again.

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<p style="margin:0in;font-family:Calibri;font-size:11.0pt">(ENTRIES 5, 6 AND 7 TO COME SOON!) <ac_metadata title="The Car (unfinished)"> </ac_metadata>