Talk:Reality/@comment-25226524-20140814014950/@comment-25226524-20140814154615

Well it's an ambitious story. You've got a good concept going, but it does need some work. There are numerous spelling/grammar/punctuation errors that need to be taken care of. I will try to fix some of them when I get to it, but you should read over this a few more times to try to catch everything.

Try reading it out loud once or twice, this will help you notice when something doesn't quite sound right. I think you've got the makings of a good story here, there's just some basic things that need to be washed out. All in all this is a good effort, and once you get those mistakes fixed, it will be an enjoyable read : )