Mr. Messy Bits

My life took an unusual turn recently.

Until about two weeks ago, I was a successful lawyer, working as a legal advisor for a high profile software company. My life was orderly, lucrative, and quite dull. But all that changed one magical night, when I had a vivid dream of something glowing consuming my entire body. When I awoke I immediately knew something was odd. I remember running to the bathroom mirror to discover pieces of my body falling off, to reveal a strange and twitching form underneath, alien and 'shifting'.

I was of course quite frightened at first. I gave out a loud yell and the remainder of my human body exploded messily all over the bathroom, revealing my new form underneath. It was, and still is, hard to describe, because so much of it is 'shifting'. There were great red eyes blinking and gazing, appendages like huge spider legs twitching and grasping the air, long tough hair that seemed to fold in and out of my human form, Massive maw-like folds over ashen-black 'skin', and a whole host of strange and otherworldy organs too bizarre for me to put to words. I panicked and ran through my apartment, my screams coming out as sickening gurgles from bubbling pours in my vaguely humanoid body. I soon fainted from the shock.

When I awoke I was again covered in my human body, regenerated over my alien form. Why my new body had done this I still cannot say, but it gave me much to think about as I was cleaning up the mess I had made of my apartment. I couldn't go to the authorities, as I would surely be locked up and studied. So, as long as I was still myself, I decided to keep it a secret.

And then the next day I went shopping. Yes, you guessed it. All over everything.

There was a panic in the grocery store as my exploded human bits were sprayed over a large area, and my alien form was revealed to the public. I ran away quickly in the confusion. I learned from this experience that my body needed to 'detonate' at fairly regular intervals, and that I could predict when and where this would happen, so long as I did not put it off.

At first I confined my daily detonations to my own bathroom, maintaining my work and social life. But as this proved to be messy and time consuming, I began to have rather depraved, almost exhibitionist desires. To tell you the truth, I had started to rather enjoy the detonations, and I enjoyed still more the look of terror on the faces of those nearby when one of their own suddenly exploded into a monster. The thought of doing it regularly in public made me positively giddy.

So I started my reign of terror. I 'buzzed' weddings, funerals, public gatherings of all sorts, doctor waiting rooms ("there's something wrong with me, AAAAH!"), schools, government buildings, even my place of work. While I had at first had some vague idea of keeping my old life, I soon learned to abandon my human way of living completely. My new body didn't seem to need to eat, and I only rarely required sleep. I spent my down time in abandoned buildings or out in the woods. It was during a rest in the latter that I met Roger.

It was October 30th when I first met Roger in the forest outside of town. He was a young boy, about 10 to 12 years of age by my reckoning. He must have been running away from something truly terrible, as he didn't seem phased by my unnatural and writhing true form. I remember asking him why he wasn't afraid, and he said I was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. I explained to the best of my ability what had happened to me, and he said he envied my lifestyle. He asked if he could join me on my next outing, and since I didn't see the harm in it at the time, I agreed.

On Halloween night, Roger selected a seemingly random slum neighborhood, and I went to work presenting myself as a respectable representative of some human organization. I wore a smart black suit I had picked up one day during a 'buzz' at a clothing store. I had gathered together most of the people in the neighborhood, and was about to detonate, when Roger suddenly fell to the ground, motionless. I detonated, causing a panic, and all of the adults ran away in the ensuing confusion. It was up to me to deliver Roger to a hospital where he could get proper treatment, but there wasn't time for me to regenerate my human body. I would have to go as the monster.

To make matters much worse, I had become quite infamous in my former community. Someone spotted me carrying a small boy through the streets, and alerted the authorities. When I arrived at the hospital, police and military personal had the area surrounded. I did not know how my new body would hold up to bullets, but I was not eager to find out. I tried to speak, but could only gurgle in my natural form. When the man in charge gave the order to fire, I ducked into the hospital for cover.

Fortunately for me, none of the men present were brave enough to come in after me, and so fired off randomly into the lobby while I hid from sight. After a few minutes of this, the gunfire stopped. As I sat there, motionless with Roger in my arms, I noticed that all the shooting had hit something flammable, starting a fire that was spreading rapidly. The men outside must have seen it, as there was a great deal of shouting. Knowing that the smoke would surely kill Roger, I decided to brave the wrath of my enemies.

I boldly strode outside, my human body again starting to form across my alien hide. I walked up to the man in charge and gently handed Roger to him. He was noticeably stunned, and offered no audible protest. Just as quickly, I re-entered the hospital. The fire was spreading very quickly now, and could not be extinguished by any device present. I imagined the fire department was on its way, but by the time they arrived it would surely be too late for the other patients. There was only one thing I could do.

I breathed in deeply, and then proceeded to give the longest detonation I have ever done. Blood, mucous and other bodily fluids rained over a large area. Bits of my alien body also flew off in a great rain of carnage. The act left me tired and drained, but it worked; the flame was extinguished before it could grow any larger, the lobby of the hospital now covered in wet gore.

Tired as I was, I knew it wasn't a good idea for me to hang around. I quickly ran out the back and into a nearby alley. the police and the military had their hands full with rescuing the hospital residents, so I had enough time to escape.

The next day I read the newspaper. The headline read, "Mr. Messy Bits Saves Small Boy and Hospital with Fountain of Gore." To my amazement, the story gave a favourable review of my actions the night before. The writer said that the local monster that had been terrorizing their community had acted selflessly to save those threatened by the fire, and that it seems that said creature did not mean to cause harm. I would never have believed that I could have received such praise, but it made me rethink who I was and what purpose my life would have.

Mr. Messy Bits, eh?

To my relief, Roger made a full recovery. He met up with me again as soon as he was well enough, and the two of us set out together as partners in crime.

And that's why it was the best Halloween ever.

Credited to ScutigeraColeoptrata