Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30891328-20170128035958/@comment-31532017-20170129135013

I highly recommend that you reformat the entirety of this pasta as it pains my eyes to see this (The Wording Code & Paragraphing). Likewise, the story isn't engaging enough to hook me in; 1st paragraph in & I already know for certain where this plot is most likely heading.

2nd, I noticed that a lot of your sentences are dragged out than it should. And you have the tendency to hurry some of your scenes, there's no shame in building the atmosphere/mood/world slowly.