Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25078895-20140619170012/@comment-24821182-20140620040808

There are some formatting errors that cause the first few paragraphs to look odd, and you can fix these via source mode. Also, to add emphasis to a sentence, you can use italics; ALL CAPS isn't very pretty to look at.

There are some problems with punctuation of dialogue; when a piece of dialogue is immediately followed up by he/she/it said, the piece of dialogue shouldn't end with a period. In other words, it shouldn't be:

''"I guess." I sighed. but "I guess," I sighed.''

When a piece of dialogue comes after telling us who said it, then it's justified to end with a period.

There are grammatical errors and misspellings throughout, and I think you should proofread a few more times.

As for the story itself, I find it genuinely creepy, and I think that - once proofread - it could be posted as an article. Maybe you could elaborate on why the narrator's mother takes him to a random war veteran's house and lets him stay with a completely stranger, as I would consider that bad parenting.