Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37336038-20181030202234/@comment-36627132-20181101034559

Spelling and Grammar Issues: As already pointed out the title should be capitalized. Ellipsis is three periods and a space. The second paragraph starts with a wall of text. Dialogue should be spaced out into paragraphs. On the fifth paragraph you spelled Carla's name "Cara". There are various instances of missing periods and commas. "I don’t care if you didn’t mean it or not" should have been "I don't care if you meant it or not".

Plot Issues: Your main character is just another typical Jeff OC: he is a teenage murderer on the loose who killed his own parents. You try to steer away from the Jeff formula by adding that he was neither bullied or abused, but that it doesn't help as we already have the aforementioned Jeff cliches. It is unrealistic that he killed over 2,000 people without getting caught. It is hard to take this story seriously when you call the school Hank Hill High School, even if its actual name is just Hill High.

Plot Issues Continued: You tried to make your OC different from Jeff by having him come from a loving home, but still add the abusive parents cliche by making Carla's father a psychopath. Why didn't Tom call the police on him long ago? Heck, why didn't any of the neighbors or anyone else? I think it has already been established that readers find it weary when you reference Creepypasta in your Creepypasta. I find it slightly ironic that Tom is making fun of Jeff the Killer when he is nothing more than a Jeff cookie cut-out. On top of referencing Hank Hill, Jeff the Killer, and the Joker you named Carla's street after Wes Craven.

Plot Issues Continued: It kind of feels off that Tom was found not guilty by reason of insanity rather than self defence. And what was it about him that made them determine that he was insane? Up until now he was a normal kid. Was it Carla's father's trial? If you're going to jump scene at least let the reader know what is going on. Tom hears Carla's voice which tells him to kill her father. The rest of the story is cliched: the OC puts on a hoodie and is disfigured by the villain, he hears police sirens, kills his parents, and flees and becomes a murderer on the run.