Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26512885-20150619214216/@comment-25037895-20150621232816

Especially with creepypastas, leaving off some of the details can help with building tension, this story would be improved by not explaining everything so thoroughly. The bit about asking for help on an internet forum doesn't work well IMO because I can tell this is literary and it takes away from the tension because it seems as though a cheap, contrived attempt to make the story seem more real, and is cliché.

With the bit about the creature showing its claws, revealing it was not a child after all, the question remains, why was the gun brought along if not to be used? If you reported a break-in to the police, I would think they would not meet with a friend the next day. That bit starts a whole new concept in the mind of readers, only to be immediately cut-off, thus erasing tension. You should incorporate the police investigating the scene into the story, or take out that part about calling the police.