User:ShrekHailHimNOW

Hello, I guess you all know the kids film 'Shrek',Yes?

Well, It's not at all innocent, did you know? Shrek is a spawn of satan.

I know this because, i once bought the dvd of Shrek from HMV.I regretted it almost immediatley. I put it on ready for some hardcore masturbation to it, when i saw something weird about this copy of the film.

The whole start was missing, and it skipped to Shrek raping Fiona's body in the tower. It stays on that for a good ten minutes, then skips to donkey in the castle with Dragon, Dragon eating his insides. Shrek comes downstairs with Fiona over his shoulders, he is laughing and muttering, i can't hear because the audio is fucked. He goes outside and throws Fiona's shivering body over the bridge. She screams something but burns, A loud erruption of farts happens and everything goes green.

It flips back to Shreks swamp where he is sitting outside in a thunder storm, crying. He has a rope tied round his neck and is sitting on chair over a cliff. The rope is tied securely to the tree, tell me why by Declan Galbraith starts playing and Shrek jumps off, hanging himself. The music continues to play, as the scene flips too a church, where three coffins are being brought out.

One coffin has Fiona written on it in pink writing with roses on top. The other has Donkey written in blue with a carrot on top. The coffins are placed beside JonBenet Ramsey's grave. And then, a big black coffin comes out, with a big red S written on top, its crueley thrown underground and gets shit placed over it.

It flips to night time, Shrek's grave rumbles and a green hand stick out, his face is half skull and his neck blood red, he gets up and silently says

'I have risen, fear the castle's'

It all goes static and and in black comic sans it says 'Hail Shrek, Smoke Onions' Then everything fades.

I am never going near a castle nor Shrek again.