Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24766402-20140505163615

So, yeah; this is, hopefully, my final post connected to this story. The question that is implied is: Should I post it or not?

'''A Psychopath’s Honest Impenitence '''

The first time was the most difficult one too. I had the jitters for days. On Tuesday I postponed for Wednesday, on Wednesday for Thursday, on Thursday for Friday. Friday was a national holiday so I delayed it for Monday. You never start great things on weekends. I couldn’t catch any sleep on the night between Sunday and Monday. On Monday morning I looked into the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself. Tonight at 9, no more delays.

At the moment I pulled it out and entered the convenient store, she looked as confused as I did. You couldn’t tell who was more scared. I almost dropped it from my hand, but I pulled myself together and said in a calm voice:

“Give me the money from the register and your cell phone.”

The period from the order to the execution seemed like eternity. She was terrified; she was probably thinking that she could get killed. I put the money in a bag, the bag inside my jacket and ran out of the store. The way home was an Odyssey. I spent days thinking up the best tactic how to deceive the authorities, so the march route of about two kilometers using an orthogonal street system turned into a twenty kilometer trip which I passed changing seven different public transport vehicles along with changing my clothes in a subway bathroom.

It’s interesting how a newbie in a job has the feeling that everyone around him knows what he’d done. Especially if the job is socially unacceptable. While I was on a bus two cops came in. That was it, I thought, they know. The End. Prison. A disgrace to the family. While I was creating an image of my prison molestations, one cop started complaining to the other one how Sunderland made him lose 2400 quid while the other one shook his head in a “the government should do something about that” manner. Somehow, I kept the contents of my intestines in them and ran out of the bus.

As I approached my door my heart rushed as if I just ran the London marathon. I vomited, took a shower and made tea. There was no turning back, I realized. Now that I look at it, I see how trivial those things were.

I got the hand of it very quickly. The third robbery was already child’s play. There were no preparations, I just eat some breakfast and go for it. I get the money and head home, no turning around. I always had a sense of timing so no greater accidents happened. Sometimes I even gave a compliment if there was a lady behind the counter but never lowering the kitchen knife I used.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">What I loved most was buying the “Times” and read about myself.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Unknown male, late 30s, about 6’5’’ robbed a convenient store last night around 10 PM”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">Either the clerk was drunk while describing me or the journalist had some stale pot before writing. Anyway, it is obvious why only 10% of cases are solved. I wouldn’t want to be in the 10% worst criminals. That would completely crush my ego.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">However, the ego began asking for more. The robberies became boring and the adrenaline rushes were pathetic. Instead of sweating like a pig after crimes I usually went for a jog. Sometime about that the series “Dexter” came out. I looked up the trailer and liked the concept; everything except the rule of killing only criminals who escaped the hand of the law. Nobody cared about that.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">A month after that I decided to act. I hadn’t had that kind of adrenaline rush since forever; I felt alive again. I met the victim 10 days earlier, during a jog in the suburbs. She was a cool chick. If I were normal I’d probably enjoy dating her, going on holidays and such. But I’m not normal. At least by some standards. Instead of showing her Orion, the Big Dipper and such, I chose to be direct. A bit of lying and acting during the first two dates and the “third date rule” did its magic. Although, instead of an orgasm she got a sharp Solingen knife directly into her left antechamber.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">My hand was surprisingly accurate, not a trace of the insecurity and fear like the first time robbery. Pure C9H13NO3. There are no words to describe the sensation of piercing human flesh. It’s not too resistant and yet not too soft. Just right. Her eyes rolled and after a few painful breaths there was silence. I stood over my masterpiece and then congratulated myself. Now it was time to get rid of the evidence. An old saying goes: To solve a big problem, divide it into smaller pieces. Maybe that’s how Newton and Leibniz came to the idea of infinitesimal calculus? While I was differentiating the body on the x, y and z axis and remembering my mathematical analysis simultaneously I felt complete relief and peace. I packed the body parts into a big bag and drove them off to a pig farm. Pigs can digest human flesh and bones in a matter of hours.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">Everything became routine later. But not the routine that is mechanically done; it was more of a routine that brought me an equal amplitude of sensation each time it was repeated. The money I earned on my previous job I constantly invested in the new one. Well, it was more of a hobby since it was economically inefficient and quite expensive since every next victim demanded cleaning up the evidence up to the last drop of blood. That was no problem for me; a man should not mourn the time spent on an activity he loves.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">Somewhere around the fourth murder a rumor rose that a serial killer was on the loose in England. Someone connected the four females and instantly came up with a theory that the murderer is an analytical genius and kills by a pattern yet to be found out. The news papers raced to publish:

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“MURDERER STRIKES AGAIN”

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“MURDERER LISTENED TO SLAYER AND KILLED”

<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“HE KILLS ONLY WOMEN OVER 14 AND LESS THAN 90 YEARS OLD”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">I was touched by the amount of attention but also worried with the amount of bollocks in the papers. Seriously, this is not a Hollywood film or a crime novel. I do not look for girls with blonde or brown hair, or with four piercings in the left ear. No, who’d waste time on details like those? While everyone was trying to connect the links that led to me I was as versatile as possible in choosing the girls as well as the places where I picked them up. The internet is a Mecca, but I used it carefully and inconsistently. For example:

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“''I won’t say ‘hello’, ‘what’s up?’ or any stuff like that. I won’t even compliment your photos where you look fantastic, I won’t be a git and throw some stupid pick-up lines at you or pathetic and ask if Prévert wrote ‘Barbara’ for you even though your name is Jane. I won’t do absolutely anything.''”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Wow, man, you really jump out of the cliché like a construction worker out of a grinder when a good bird walks by.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“And you seem to be a funny girl.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Well, I’m not George Carlin, but I find my way sometimes.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“''Wow, Carlin. Anyone who’s heard of him automatically listens to Pink Floyd, has watched Snatch, likes milk and cookies and knows the ten commandments of Satan.''”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“I don’t know who you are but I’m laughing like Mourinho when he sees the starting eleven of Cardiff City.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“''Holy crap, you even watch football. Where have you been all my life? Just tell me you play Heroes so I can go buy an engagement ring.''”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“''Just the third ones. I conquer Utopia with 50 archers, but ‘castle’ is a bit boring, I don’t use ’town portal’ because of the principle and only noobs need ‘fly’, real players choose ‘eagle eye’, scouting, mysticism and navigation, although there’s no water on the map, and win.''”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“''Holy mother of the gods. If the person on the other side of the screen is not my friend, Jason, who makes fake female profiles on sites like this one and trolls other people, I want you to marry me and be the mother of my three children. I’ll make all the money, do the washing up, iron all the clothes and suck on your toes. The only thing you need to do is be smart, because you’re already beautiful.''”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“''Whoa, whoa, whoa… Toe sucking? Are you some kind of foot fetishist?''”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“''No! Ok, maybe a bit. What am I on about, I am! A person like you must have a beautiful foot whose middle finger isn’t longer than the thumb.''”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“''Wait a second, I thought the classic stuff goes first, you know ‘What’s your favourite pose?’ and stuff like that. But okay, if you say so, it’s not a big deal. I’m turned on by male dominance, I like being subdued, slapped etc.''”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Give me three minutes or the keyboard will suffer a greater genocide than Ireland.” <p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:center;border-style:none;padding:0in;"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">A month later in London <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“I can’t believe it, finally.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Me neither, I’m trembling with excitement.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Haha, you’re silly, I have to cut this confusion by hugging you. Oh man, everything’s easier over the internet, this just makes a man confused.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“You’re telling me. When I saw you approaching the coach station I lost my breath. A whole month of  online chatting and finally, face to face. You’re the same as online, same looks, voice, everything… We can do whatever you want now.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“And you’re ambiguous, just like online.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Oh, you maniac, you’re making me blush.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Ok, I’ll be nice. At least while we’re out in public.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Uhh, I’ve been here on a trip once, but I can’t remember anything.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Don’t worry, I’ll show you everything. We have three days, right?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Didn’t you say that there will be so much passion that I can google the images of your city because we weren’t supposed to leave the house, eh, boy?” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;border-style:none;padding:0in;"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Oh, don’t make me answer that, you see that there are people all around. Wait until we arrive.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“You’re mad, for a moment I thought that you were going to do me in front of the whole bus.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Oh really? You just waited for the right moment to turn your back on me and elegantly lean over to the woman who had the green bags. Poor lady, she didn’t know what kind of slut she was close to. By the way, this is my humble home, you don’t have to take your shoes off, but do be a bit more flexible on the clothes note.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Easy on the humor, you know it turns me on.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“I do, that’s why I use it.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;border-style:none;padding:0in;"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Oh you devil.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Oh man… OH MAN!!! That was, as Mike Douglas once said, the fuck of the century.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“I may not be as blonde as Sharon nor do I write as Catherine Trammell, and even less do I want to pierce your heart with a spike, but I completely agree with your observation. Is it stupid of me to say that I don’t give a damn about how the city looks and the monuments but the raw sex and bodily fluids and emotion exchange is all I care about? I can’t believe I just said that.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Before I say that this should be translated into all the languages of the world and put into encyclopedias side by side with Confucius, Nietzsche and Sartre, I must say that the curve of your bosom must have a pure spherical shape and as such unambiguously puts your beauty on a pedestal… have I told you that I have a thing for intelligence and that beauty swipes me off my feet? When those two combine I fall into a trance, a nirvana. Just like now.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;border-style:none;padding:0in;"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Oh my, where have you been all these years? You’re unreal! Why are you doing this to me? I’ll go crazy, I’ll fall in love, it’ll hurt but I don’t care, do what you want with me. Sell me, rape me, whatever pleases you.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;border-style:none;padding:0in;"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Shhhhh..” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Now those two days I’ll remember. But I have to go now. How will I be able to leave you? I have to though.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“I know. I got used to you too. Don’t worry, we’re not the globe apart. How do you feel about doing a quickie?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Who’d reject?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“And I thought about tying you up?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Ahh, don’t, I won’t leave!”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Just relax. There, just wait a minute, I’ll be right back.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Who are you talking to? Why are you playing that music? Come here or I’ll rip these things you tied me with! What are you doing with a knife? You said we’d do it bonded.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“You remember when I told you I’m latently schizophrenic?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Yeah, but what about it? Why are you all serious?”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“I just talked to my alter ego. I always listen to this song after talking to him. We had a little discussion and I won’t lie to you, I am going to kill you.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Haha, ok, I don’t know why you’re trying to be funny but you’re succeeding. You’re charming with that knife. Bet no one’s told you that before.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Actually someone has. Quite a few girls to be honest. This is practically a déjà vu.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Oh come on, just do me already.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Always the same, not a single one understood the seriousness of the situation.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“What are you on about? You’re starting to irritate me.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“I know, it’s hard to expect one thing and get another. Before I kill you I must explain why I’m doing this. You know that the human being is selfish and does everything for itself. You and I are the same. We want to be loved but not hurt. The problem is that these conditions are usually left unfulfilled. Only one percent of relationships ends in marriage and the love disappears sooner or later. Now, I’m not psychic and can’t tell which one of us is going to be left broken. So I’m sorry, you’re beautiful, smart, funny, but I love myself more.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“You’re mad! You’re fucking mad!!! Untie me, I’ll scre-.. mmmm.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Don’t try. If I have any talents than it’s tying knots. Houdini couldn’t escape that one. The rag will be enough that you are not heard by the neighbours. And if you still think this is a joke, let me show you my ID. Sorry, my name isn’t what I told you. I don’t even live in this part of the city.”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Mmmmmmmm…mmmmmmmmmmm!!!” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;border-style:none;padding:0in;"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’ll cut you into pieces and put you in the freezer. You were probably wondering what a single guy does with a 100 gallon fridge when he keeps only lager inside. Knowing that you like the film Snatch just as much as I do, you probably know how your body will end up. A pig’s stomach acid can dissolve even a car engine, not to speak of human flesh and bones. There’s a really nice farm in Kent, they let me feed the pigs once in a while. So, day by day and you’re gone. And one more thing. You fake too much during sex. I mean, I’m not bad, but you have a constant epilepsy attack. You’ve overdone it. Yeah… Ok, enough talking. Die, my darling.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“We’ve done good my friend.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify;border-style:none;padding:0in;"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif"">“Just like we always do. Play the song.” <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif""> As the song played I felt unusually calm. It is a good life I live, it’d be a shame if I stopped now. The neighbours never suspected anything. To them I was just a nice student who visited his old place from time to time. The farmers and I have a drink every time I visit them with a bag of food for their pigs. They always call me to take one on holidays. Pork tastes delicious when roasted. The girls are treated as missing, yet there are no connections that trace back to me.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif""> As you see, it’s better to become one of faces in the crowd. Going out with friends, buying groceries, writing creepypastas, everything’s permitted; just don’t act suspicious or be paranoid and it’s going to happen again and again and again…

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"> Criticism is always helpful and appreciated. Cheers!

<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align:justify"><span style="font-size:12.0pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"TimesNewRoman","serif""> <ac_metadata title="A Psychopath&#039;s Honest Impenitence - Review Request a.k.a. I think it&#039;s done"> </ac_metadata>