Ritual for the Deaf

In most articles I have seen, the rituals here are not for everyone. May it be the weak-willed, the curious, the greedy, or any other. However, I found it depressingly melancholic that no one had involved a ritual where you did not rely on your sense of sound. That is why, I have come here to share this, to give hopes to those who has been deprived of their sense of sound for whatever reason. If you happen to be able to hear even the tiniest bit of sounds, then you are not welcome here. This is where my people will go through an occult-like ritual only for the deaf.

Although, while I say anyone with a working sense of sound is not welcome, go ahead and try the ritual. It is definitely not written down for you, and it is most certainly not in your best interest to go through. If you still are willing to do this for whatever reason you may have, then by all means, do not let me stop you. After all, I am posting this where anyone can easily access to it.

If you can confirm you are, in truth, deaf, then I encourage you to continue. This will deal with the occult, and while it is well-known that it is dangerous, this will be okay if you ever wanted to hear the sizzling of food, the chirping of birds, the mellifluous harmony of instruments, or as simple as your family's voices. If you have ever felt the intense eroding of monachopsis simply because you cannot hear, and reading these rituals only assisted that feeling in spreading, then you have come to the right place. If you were to perform this ritual, you will be thankful that you are deaf, that you will feel so extraordinarily lucky to be unable to hear anything at all. You will feel on top of the world, and most important, supernatural beings will pity you for being the way you are. In fact, if you are desperate enough, you might as well perform the ritual while reading my instructions.

So, if you are, indeed, going through with this, you will need to make sure you possess following items: You might ask, why a hearing aid? I cannot answer that for sure, but I, personally, believe it is to spite everyone who does not take your deafness seriously. "Use this to hear", when it does not actually work? Despicable. However, in truth, it is discussed why you need it. You may find your own answer to that, but you will need one for this ritual. Steal it, borrow it, kill for it, does not matter. If you want to go through with this, you should get one.
 * 1) A hearing aid (the stronger the aid, the better)
 * 2) Something to write on, accompanied with something to write with
 * 3) An empty room
 * 4) Four separate, portable light sources (lanterns would be safest)
 * 5) Finally, any person who pities you for being deaf (you will not need to bring them anywhere, but it is needed for the part after the ritual)

Assuming you have all of the listed items, please sit down in the empty room. You should turn off the lights, if there are any in the room, and cover any window with curtains. It does not need to be pitch black, just as long you cover the windows with something, it should be okay. Put the four separate, portable light sources in each corner of the room, and light them. Depending on the strength of these light sources, it would be hard to see what you are doing in the middle of the room. If the sunlight is shining through the windows, it will be less likely to succeed, but you are free to try while the sun is still shining on the sky.

Now, you should sit down in the middle of the room. It does not have to be the exact pinpoint of the middle of the room, but an estimate should be enough. With your writing utensil(s), write down your biggest sorrow in life (any language is acceptable, as long you, yourself, can read the language and say for sure what you just wrote down). If this is not that you are deaf, or you lie, you will be frowned upon, and while I am not too sure what happens, I have seen people theorize you get a divine punishment fit for true sinners only. You might get skinned, then boiled alive. You might get your organs eaten while you can still feel every single nerve, and you might even be condemned to live without any senses for an eternity's worth of time.

Now that you have written down your biggest sorrow, and assuming it's the loss of sound written down, you should honestly just lie down and get comfortable to the best of your ability on the floor. Regardless of how long you lay there, eventually, they will test you. As a deaf person, I do not know what they test you with, but I can only assume it's impossibly loud noises that has no distinct feel to it. All other deaf people would know, but most sounds, especially deep sounds, leave a deep rumble that you can use your sensory instinct to understand. These sounds, however, seem to be special, because while I was laying down, I could not feel anything at all, and it was, in all honesty, boring, but also nerve-racking. If you truly are deaf, and it is, in fact, your biggest sorrow, then you will be laying there, oblivious to the immense amount of pure noise going on in the room.

Regardless of what happens, you should be laying still until your light sources go out on their own. If it was a candle, it would be snuffed out for no reason at all, and if it was anything that used batteries, the batteries would die down even though you could swear you just changed them. This is why you should use lanterns for safety measures - sometimes candles can go out due to wind. I do not know why they would want to blow out your candles, but lanterns provide safety for your light sources. If you get up, thinking it is over, but only see that one candle has been snuffed out, I would actually recommend to gouge your eyes out. They say that if you try to get up, or even leave, during the test, you will see things that no human were ever meant to see. I have, unfortunately, not gotten any details, but it is said you might as well spare yourself the images, and instead live life as a blind (and deaf) person. It is even said you will be cursed to live forever, or have your soul sent to the cruelest of Devils, but it is not promised. All I can promise, it will not be a pleasant experience in the least.

In the case that all goes well and all the light sources has mysteriously gone out, the test is nearly over. All you need to do now, is to go to the person that pities you, and fully convince them that being deaf is the worst it could possibly be. It definitely will be hard, and you can bend the truth as much as you want to, as long as they believe being deaf is the worst it could get. No matter if war has driven you a waif, or if lack of clean water has given you multiple incurable diseases. Even if you were born blind, stripped of the colors and information your sight gives you, you have to convince the other party that being in a world of silence is the absolute worst. If you succeed, you will know in a week's time. Or so to say, the time limit to convince the person (you can even change the original person, but it will be a lot easier if they already pity you from the start) that your life is absolute torture.

In a week, if you succeed, your life will be relatively normal. For the person, everyday will be days of complete insanity of noises, but for you, it will be accurately normal. However, keep in touch with the person you doomed for a little Eater Egg, and it is most definitely something I would recommend, as it gave me a lot of satisfaction.

Finally, if you really did succeed this ritual, you will have found yourself reaching your dreams. Unfortunately, it is not your true dream of actually hearing something, but it will be all secondary dreams. You will be effortlessly rich, or you will go viral. You will become world-wide known if it was a wish of yours, you will even be cured of any mental or physical illnesses you might have. They have pitied you, and while they cannot give you the final wish of sound, they can give you anything else. If you wish for fast food chains to give you food for free, they most certainly will. If you wish to finally meet the ghost of your dead father, then you will be given the opportunity to. Thanks to this, you will be blessed with an euphoria unlike any else even documented. Although this is also part of their work, will you not find yourself truly lucky, truly happy to be deaf? If you were not deaf, would you ever achieve these foolish dreams? Sure, you still cannot hear anything, but you have anything else you could ever have wanted. The world will become yours in the blink of an eye.

Though, again, you should never bother with becoming part of the normal, hearing people, as your dream world will fade, and replacing it will be your everyday nightmare. You go bankrupt, you have a lifetime of debt to pay, you get harassed wherever you go, but you can hear. You can hear like a normal person, and that is all you wished for, right? I should also mention that you will take the curse upon yourself. The person you doomed to an everyday hell for them, has now become yours.

Now, will you live your dream life with the exception of being able to hear, or will you live your hell with the exception of being able to hear? For me, it was an immediate answer, but someone else who has other sorrows, maybe not as much. I wish you all luck, except for those who can hear normally. You brought this upon yourself, so please, leave before you make any of them mad at your impertinent greed.