Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-40164173-20190718014418/@comment-36627132-20190718015842

My first suggestion is to unbold the story's text as it makes it unpleasant to look at.

"why I killed my friends and family." I advise against using this as it will lead people to believe this is just another Jeff OC. On top of that it is pretty deceptive because technically she didn't kill her friends or family.

It sounds odd that someone would not only bring a stranger child into their home, but also invite them to a party that can get rowdy. And why didn't the main character even consider getting child protective services on this obviously abused child?

The main character doesn't really seem too alarmed by the creature in Jason's back as she forgets about it for a while.

"'Wait, the kid from that Creepypasta?' Greg asked." It is almost never a good idea to reference Creepypasta in a Creepypasta, especially when trying to fit your character as one of the "Creepypasta characters".

What I'm assuming is supposed to be the climactic scene is not scary at all.

"Tell the world!" sounds as if it were inspired by Smile.dog's "Spread the word".