Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25825682-20141209004630/@comment-24101790-20141209021226

Here are some of the issues I found in your story. Dialogue should start its own line. (Having multiple people talking in a paragraph can be confusing.) I would recommend removing some of the 30+ ellipses and restricting them to their original purpose. (To indicate pauses in dialogue and omission of words from a quote. Using it for dramatic pauses seems melodramatic especially when a period or comma does the same thing.)

Additionally there is an issue when you identify speakers.


 * "And we'll end this session." said Dr.Mikrof(needs a space after the period). "So, do you understand what I've just old you?" asked Dr.Mikrof.(sic)


 * "Thanks." said Olemilia, grateful. "By the way I heard Micheal`s (needs an apostrophe) girlfriend Christi mention the emails." claimed Olemilia. "Apparently her father who`s (apostrophe) a police officer, said to her mother that the police found that email on the computers of all the people who vanished or died." stated Olemilia.


 * "It was under a tarp in the cellar. I saw it when you were about to faint." explained Olemilia. "It won`t turn on though." said Olemilia, perturbed.

You don't need to re-identify a speaker if it is continuous dialogue. (I would also, after spacing out the dialogue, remove some of the "_____ said/stated/asked", as it comes off as a bit redundant. You don't need to identify the speaker each time they talk. It'll be easier to distinguish when the dialogue is spaced apart.)

You also need to look over your story again as you forgot to put apostrophes on a number of contractions. (What(')s, let(')s, etc.)

Another issue I noticed involves contractions and possessive words. You need to use an apostrophe, not the accent symbol. "can`t", "don`t", "that`s", etc., should be can't, don't, that's.

I also found issues with grammar. (it's=it is, its=possession, you're=you are, your=possession) Capitalization, punctuation, and spelling.

To be honest, this story needs a lot of work as there are quite a bit of issues here that need to be fixed.