Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10869901-20140523042158/@comment-24821182-20140523050751

If you open source mode, you should be able to see what makes the text purple. I also still think you should split this up into smaller paragraphs. Anyway, I'll comment on the story:

First, why do link us to your DeviantArt page six times? It's not like there are any images on there that relates to the story, and even if there were, couldn't they just be posted in the story? I can also tell why your story has formatting issues now, as you copy and pasted it directly from your DA page.

Second, the word "I" must always be capitalized. You seem to only capitalize "I" when it's in the start of a sentence.

Third, we don't need to know how tall the narrator is, nor the color of his eyes or hair. I'm assuming you tell us this because he's a self-insert.

Fourth, there is literally no build-up to James going on a killing spree, there's no motivation other than the lame urge, and he feels zero remorse for anything he does. Also, how does a 14-year-old boy go about killing a bunch people without being stopped? Why does he have his own catchphrase?

To sum up, the story seems like another teenage revenge fantasy a la Jeff the Killer, and it somehow makes even less sense. Even if you fixed all the issues mentioned above, it would probably still get deleted for following the Jeff-formula. I can also swear I've seen you post almost this exact story before on here, so I'm surprised you learned so little the last time.

I think you should try writing something else, and if you're going to mimic other stories, don't let them be terrible stories like JtK.