Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25597074-20151021034437/@comment-27008899-20151021115148

Dont indent paragraghs. Para 3: "reach down to grab him, their"/ "just over halfway down. He had come" (this one is ok with a coma but soinds better as two seperate sentances)/ Para 4: "entered the dim light provided by the street lamp"/ Para 5 "Billy's fear grew"or "Fear began growing"

Throughout: I would use a coma between your "I am not afraid of the dark" statements. This will show the MC is repeating rapidly. What happened with that last paragragh? Why did the font size change?

All in all it is a decent story. It is a bit anti-climactic. Anymore, just being creepy is not enough. Readers want reason for what is happening. You have a good plot base here but add a little more to it. Stories of creatures living in the woods, a crazy cult, a ghost, give it some meat that readers can really grab on to.