Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27012445-20150923200641/@comment-26425680-20150926030628

Oaura did a pretty good job reviewing this, and I agree with most of what was said, so I won't add too much here. Overall I found this to be an easy read, it wasn't phenominal, but it did pull my in enough to the point where I was rooting for the narrator. I liked the cat, and I think you used that character well. There's some grammatical issues that need to be cleaned up:

"They saw how upset I was and relented to letting me sleep with them tonight."

You go from past tense to present tense in the same sentence.

"But at the same time I could (?) his movements to be slow and sluggish; almost like slow motion."

You're missing a word.

And then there's this doozy:

"I grip him harder and say, ‘’Offer to make all of my dreams come true and give me everything that I could ever desire”

He pleads with a sorrowful moan, “You will have all that and more! Please let me go!”

I raise my free arm high with my hand poised like a cobra and I extend two fingers out into the shape of hooks.

“I want my childhood back, you son of a bitch!""

This passage is lifted nearly word for word from The Princess Bride, and it's probably close enough to be considered plagarism. Maybe you did this subconsciously... sometimes things we saw in the distant past come back to us as "original" thoughts. Either way, you need to be wachful for this type of thing.

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