Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26996853-20150918183640/@comment-26475800-20150919022904

Okay, so if found this one by just seeing it, and, as a magician, I liked it. The idea was good, and the story wasn't that bad. It kind of fell flat for me though. You had potential to make this story so much more horrifying. The idea of a magician stealing people, can be expanded on.

As Oaura had said above about descriptions in the text and imagination is spot on. And there is the problem with writing first person. You have to tell people what something looks like without telling them, but showing them. I hope you understand that because that is kind of strange reading it for a second time.

Also, your magician was a stereotypical magician, he looks that my avatar. Make him dress like a normal person would dress, even if he is in a suit, he wouldn't by rocking a top hat, cane, or a coat with tails; which is what I was seeing. His dialogue was a little weak.

Besides that the only real things that I saw was you spelt wand as with a few times. But overall it was a good story and it should be revised and published.