Talk:Before the Flash/@comment-26112985-20150722041133

Well, I happened to be clicking through random pastas, when I came across this little story. Noticing it was by you (Rising) I thought I would give it a quick rundown of my thoughts.

Grim already pretty much summarized all the major flaws in the pasta, so I won't waste your time repeating his words, but I've thrown in my own two cents below (even if they are pretty minor).

-I noticed that sometimes you used the same word twice in a single sentence, an example of this being ''Surprisingly, they resulted in satisfying results. '' I suggest you use a thesaurus to fix this problem, WordHippo and Thesarus.com are both free websites that may be able to help you with this. Personally I use WordHippo quite a lot. As a matter of fact I actually keep it pulled up on an extra tab while I write in Microsoft Word.

-Is the Aunt's reaction to her first drawing not a little unusual? If she doesn't really know what it is that she drew, and she doesn't regularly panic like so, was this neccessary?

-I really want to know more about the ending. I kind of want to know more about the flash. Is it open to interpretation?

-There is some humor in this story that I'm not sure is intentional or unintentional. I generally tend to avoid humor when I write because it takes away from the atmosphere and tension that creepypastas are supposed to create.

Anyway, this is a decent story, and it shows promise from you as a writer, though it is flawed in some respects. I give it a 6/10