Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29334538-20160728101249/@comment-28266772-20160728140643

I walk to school everyday with my brother. I live in a safe neighborhood. A nice one [this is not a sentence – a sentence must have at least one noun and a verb]. My school is right down the block [from…?]. I take a [the] back way and end up at the end [repetition of ‘end’] of the school field. One weekend I decided to play some Poke`mon Go [just write ‘Pokemon Go’]. I [had] just started [started what?] so at the time, [no comma] I was very eager to catch some new Poke`mon [skip the stylized way of writing ‘Pokemon’]. [double spacing]I was not aware of the danger that this game held. I saw a Golduck on the radar, and though the radar was Iffy [iffy], [new sentence] I managed to track down the 448 CP Poke`mon [is that a big deal?]. I pulled up my camera and threw two curveballs, before finally capturing the creature with a nice throw. I was looking over the statistics of the newest edition to my Poke`dex, when someone approached me from behind. I turned around, only to see a tall, rather slim man. [new speaker new line]"Hello", he said, before my mind could fully rap [wrap] around what was happening. "Oh i'm [I’m] sorry, did I startle you? I apologize." [you need to say who is talking] This guy sounded really weird and I had been warned about talking to strangers. I just replied, [new speaker new line] "No, i'm [I’m] fine." The man went on to say, [New speaker new line]"My name is Damien, what is your name?" I really didn't want to tell this guy my real name so off the top of my head, I replied, "Adam". The man kindly said, [new speaker new line] "I must go now. Have a nice day Adam."

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I’ve only annotated the first paragraph of your story because I feel like the mistakes aren’t going to suddenly get better throughout the rest of your story. Pretty much everything wrong with the rest of it can be pointed out above so to save myself time I’ve just stuck to giving notes on that.

Okay so the mechanical issues in this are almost overwhelming. Spelling errors, grammatical errors, wording mistakes, punctuation mistakes, styling errors etc. A proof read of MS word or spellcheck.net would have picked these up with no effort. You can also find more in-depth guides on this wikia.

Next problem is that the style is stunted and awkward, and the story already sounds kind of clichéd right from the start. Spinoff pastas have to work super hard to be original and this doesn’t strike me as cutting it. Also all spinoff pastas are, by default, deleted from this site. You can go through the appeal but I cannot recommend enough that you read this website’s style guides and advice blogs to get a better grip of the English language.

