Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20140808234352/@comment-25052433-20140810063431

First of all, this was a very ambitious pasta. You clearly thought it out and put some time into this story.

Now to be honest, I did find the concept to be a little over done. This had an Underworld feel to me, but instead of vampires and werewolves, it was just a hodgepodge of monsters.

The scene with the boss felt artificial. No boss would fire an employee like that unless he wanted to set himself up for a lawsuit. He would have had to give the guy a reason for firing him.

That would led me to feel like the firing scene and the introduction of the boss was sort of forced. You wrote the boss in to be a heel from the start, and as soon as the concept of the contest was revealed, I knew right away that the boss was going to die at the end.

I do like the underlying concept that you created here. I feel like there is a place for this story. I would simply try to shy away from the Underworld feel of it and make something new.