Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25316027-20140825110309/@comment-25048776-20140827003209

Hm... It's nice enough, but it might need a couple tweaks. First of all, It never describes the "enemy" clearly enough(In this case, the disease). So far all we know is that it is fatal, and it is an epidemic. Describe some of its symtoms. Some writers purposefully not describe the enemy, because of the "unknown" factor. I don't think it is very suitable for this story, however. The ending could use some help, too. Try and make it more shocking, creepy, or outright scary. Right now, you said that,"And now I spend my days in this hospital, in perpetual pain. I don’t know what would happen to me. The world has fought against viruses like this one before, but many people have died. The only thing I have left now is prayer. I know I don’t have long to live, so I’m hoping there will be a cure in time. I wonder how many people are in the same position as me, lying in a hospital and pondering their fate. " Instead, try adding more creepiness. It's too unsatisfying right now. I'd try to make the ending so that the main narrator is slowly succombing to the virus, and becoming mad. Or maybe a cure is found, but is discovered to instead increase the rate of infection. Then you can end in a mysterious statement about the virus, or maybe the world after the disease passed. Anyways, I hope you do improve and publish this on the main page. If so, please notify me. I'd love to see improvement.

-BetLock-