Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35665818-20180526110708/@comment-33937557-20180526122647

Thenutcrackerus wrote: If you want me to do a rewrite,  I can. After all, this is just a draft. What would you like me to change?

(He’s half pasta because his mother is a human and his father is a pasta. He has MANY siblings and they were all made one after the other...Crazy stuff.) If I were you, I'd ditch going off older creepypastas in favor of writing your own original story. This is one big spinpasta, and reads like a fanfic, as I stated before. Maybe try creating a new race of aliens or entities to replace the "pasta" portions, and giving the main character more time to Superman and learn his past. Maybe the villains could be aliens who think of themselves as the master race, a sort of intergalactic Nazi party.

Hold off on the "must stab my parents because they don't understand" ending, too. That's overly done.

Also, there were quite a few grammatical errors. Check your work thoroughly: I know it's a draft, but you want to make the draft posting-quality as much as the final product. Mistakes here and there are okay, but work them out if you actually decide to post.

"Susan began to scream as Daneal stabbed Nate in the forehead, making him dead," is a good example of what needs to be fixed. "Making him dead?" It's like saying, "Simon fell face-first into a running woodchipper, and he died." Of course he died! He fell in a woodchipper! Say something more complex, like: "He stopped struggling," or, "his body went limp."

It's good that you decided to post the draft here for some reading and reviewing. These are just my thoughts. You don't have to go off them, I just thought I could interject my own opinion.