Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4843510-20171001165151/@comment-32461413-20171001172703

This is a really interesting concept. I especially find the end hilarious.

First thing's first. The text is black which makes the story difficult to read since it's on a dark background. I would suggest fixing that,

As far as your wording goes, I don't think it is as bad as you seem to think it is. A good way to catch awkward and clunky wording is to read your story out loud and realize what sounds wrong. I do think though that you could improve your wording by being more descriptive and using more specific and detail oriented words rather than the basics.

I think it would be great to elaborate a little bit more on why these changes are taking place. Why is the dad taking his skin off or changing his characteristics? I think some subtleties in the story could really help out with this and make a more compelling piece.

I would suggest running your story through a word processor like Grammarly. There are a few places where commas could be used and a few places where they shouldn't be used. So keep that in mind.

I would also keep thinking of a title. Personally, I feel that coming up with a title is best done by the writer as no one knows the story better than the one who wrote it. I would just keep pondering what you could use and eventually you should be able to come up with one.

Overall, I like where you are going with this. I just would love to see it pushed further.