Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26399766-20161007144510/@comment-24101790-20161007152159

I have to agree with you on the matter of flow ("I shall take my last, my final breath/It is time for me to accept my death") and rhythm. I would additionally mention that most poems on the site adhere to proper punctuation at the end of each line/complete sentence to help with the flow itself.

On top of that, the rhyming scheme could use quite a bit of work. Lines like:

"And at first I will feel that way, too true/And those who loved me no longer feel nlue (?)"

"In time I know acceptance will be had/I will join my family, Mom and Dad"

"As I release my grip upon this realm/I sigh at the emptiness overwhelms"

"I feel myself drained of all myfeeling (my feeling)/It is too late to begin healing"

really feel awkward and make the rhymes feel very forced. I'm sorry, but I don't think this is really up to quality standards as we're more looking for a story that's being told with the poem (ala The Cremation of Sam McGee) rather than just a funeral poem. Here is a more in-depth guide for writing poetry on the site.