Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24731163-20140813004717/@comment-25226524-20140815031323

Maybe it's just my personal visualizations, but I found this to be very impactual. Some may think the last line is typical, but if you visualize it as I did, it's just downright disturbing.

This is almost flawlessly written in my opinion. If there are any errors, they were very minor. The only suggestion I would make is that you break some of the paragraphs down into smaller units(I would suggest no more than five or six sentences each). It will just give it a better look, and make it easier to read.

The length was just right. The flow and build up were on point. You did a good job at increasing the stress level as the story progressed. Your word usage and descriptions were all up to snuff in my opinion.

All in all, I think you've got a fine story here, and if this is any indication of your future work, I hope you keep writing. Keep up the good work.