Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24038243-20150429132049/@comment-26007602-20150429134121

You're treading very thin ice here. First off, your character bears a striking resemblance to Slenderman (exclusively attacks children, making them disappear, tentacles, etc); this would violate the spin off rule and result in yor stories instant deletion.

The second pitfall you want to avoid is in the way you wrote this story. You never want to start a story with a monster and build it around the monster; it's a backward design choice that hampers your ability to write an interesting story. Horror isn't built on the monster; it's built on characters reacting to that monster. That being said, this story has no creepy qualities at all; you just list off things about this monster. There's no story here, nothing to disturb or creep out the reader.

As a final note, don't use pop culture references in your descriptions. Saying he walks like "Doctor Octopus" or looks like some dude from "Fate Zero" is laughablend out of place in a serious horror writing piece.