Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20150728223911/@comment-25941663-20150820171428

First, I'll bring to your attention some minor mistakes I found. In the next post, I'll write a small review on your story.

"all nocturnal activity ceased as every inhabitants turned its head" Shouldn't it be "inhabitant" instead of "inhabitants"?

"and probably would deemed the most" -> "and probably would be deemed the most"

"Don’t forget Shelly!”Pipsqueak" add a space between Shelly!" and Pipsqueak.

"Skeeter explained.“She’s got" add a space between explained. and "She.

"probably be going to a a new home" remove one 'a'.

In this:

“Gawdon Bennet! Gods above and below! “They were Calvin and Hobbes comics, you know Aunty Mira and Uncle Greg don’t allow that sort of risque stuff in their shop! Geez! OK?”

you added an unnecessary quotation mark before They were Calvin and...

"midget pervert, get ready" remove the space before the comma.

"Usually, they’re come from noble elfin families" -> "Usually, they come from noble elfin families"

"that they can as manifest themselves as a living person" I believe you should remove the first "as", but I'm not sure what you're going with here.

"but i' was because this bloke was singing some weird tune" capitalize the first 'i'.

Here you need a space again, between eyebrows. and "Surely : his brushy eyebrows.“Surely your parents

""Yeah, well" she rolled her eyes, then started" you need a comma after "well".

"“Uh...Well...the thing is...,” Duncan stuttered" you don't need the comma after "the thing is..."

Again you need spacing between possible. and "A tug here: as soon as possible.”A tug on his sleeve

"No one moved a muscles" -> "No one moved a muscle"