Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26525489-20170126001929/@comment-28428152-20170126023726

I enjoyed it, and for something that was drafted in a few minutes it's pretty good. However, it did leave me feeling a little disappointed. There was a lot of good buildup to a really weak climax. It seems shorter than it should be. Perhaps you could have further involvement with the mysterious torturer, and maybe tge woman trying to tell the narrator something, except the narrator doesn't understand it until it's too late. You could also add an explanation as to why they were like that. Often times, especially with CreepyPastas, writers like to use the element of not knowing as a horror tactic, though I think that it's hard to do and sometimes the truth can be even more terrifying than the uncertainty. I feel that the whole birthday party thing could be twisted so that it makes tge whole scenario at least teice as horrifying. And you never actually mentioned the barrator telling the sheriff about the place, he just got directions and was suddenly being interviewed about the place. All in all, I think this story has a lot of potential, so good job with this first draft. :)