Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26525489-20160929232742/@comment-28266772-20160930141057

Below is an annotated version of your story.

-

I was a Private Investigator for a long time before I ended up here. I was always pretty intuitive, but my particular way of solving cases didn’t exactly fit the bill for someone wanting to work as a police detective. I wasn’t afraid to step outside the strict boundaries of the law if it meant getting answers to the questions I had and that didn’t always sit well with cops. Despite their disapproval, however, the police often came to me for cases that had them stumped. [great setup]

I was mostly catching small time criminals and following cheating husbands until I moved to Hallowroots. I felt like I needed a change of pace, a challenge maybe, and I had heard talk of many “inexplicable” cases here. It wasn’t until I arrived that I found out just what people meant by that statement.

When I got to town, I found the police here were surprisingly more willing to work with me than the departments I had worked with in the past. In fact, they were sending me out on cases within my first week of setting up shop. They explained to me that their force was too small to handle the workload and they needed someone to take care of special cases for them, cases of the paranormal variety. They [the] way they laughed when they first told me this made me think they were just yanking my chain, but I quickly learned that cases like this were very real and I was never going to have to follow any cheating husbands to supplement my income again.

In my first month, I got photographic evidence of a haunted motel, iced a few older residents who had trouble staying in the afterlife, and took down a giant furry creature that had been swallowing some poor family’s pets whole. It turned out I was so good at what I was doing, that I was quickly able to afford a custom window pane for my office door. “Clint Owen, Hallowroots’ Official Paranormal Investigator” it read.

I’d been working in town for a few years when I heard the rumors of the ghost at the asylum. For most people, rumors might not seem like the most solid piece of evidence to go on, but I specialized in the investigation of rumors. What was so unusual about this particular rumor was that this ghost had allegedly driven a man to take his own life. Rarely did I ever encounter vengeful spirits, and it wasn’t long before I, intrigued, got a ride from one of my police officer buddies over to the asylum. [as cool as this premise is I can’t help but wonder why he’d take a job unless he was specifically paid/hired to do so]

Pulling around the driveway alone [this feels contradictory since we know he’s with a policeman], I could see the age of this building. It was obvious that they were trying to keep up with repairs, but were having little success. Several windows were boarded over and some shutters hung haphazardly. Paint was visibly peeling on most sections of the outside that weren’t covered by the overgrown shrubs lining the bottom of the wall. The only thing that seemed up to date were the large, immaculate double doors at the top of a small, concrete set of stairs leading into the building. I saw a man in his early thirties with a white coat and dark hair exit these doors and stand, waiting, at the top of the steps while the officer driving me got out and opened my door for me.

“I could open my own door if you hadn’t made me ride in the back,” I spat at the cop as I climbed out of the car.

“I’m sorry, Clint, but you know the rules,” the officer said apologetically.

“I know, Wally,” I smiled back. “I just like giving you a hard time. Who’s this?” I indicated the [indicated the man – feels a little awkward] man at the top of the steps.

“Hello, I am Dr. James Bennett,” he answered for himself. “I’m the head doctor here. I was told we were to have company today. May I ask your name in return?”

“Clint Owen, PI,” I responded, a little caught off guard by his strange manner of speaking.

“Ahh, a private investigator,” he mused.

“Paranormal investigator,” I corrected. “I’d like to take a look around your facility, if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” he said with strange, crooked smile. “Come right in.” He beckoned me up the steps with his long, gangly arm and turned to open the door. [new speaker new line]“I’m gonna head back to the station,” Wally said, getting back in his car. “Best of luck in your investigation.”

I gave him a nod as I followed the strange doctor up the steps and into the building. The inside of the building was not what I was expecting at all. The walls were freshly painted white, all of the furniture looked new, and everything seemed to be clean. The entrance of the asylum was much like the foyer of a large home. There was a small living room to the left and a row of doors to the right with a large staircase in the center, taking most of the focus of the room. At the foot of the stairs was a small welcome desk. Dr. Bennett brushed right by the desk and I followed him up to the second story. He lead [there might be an American usage I’m missing here (though my MS word is set to the states) but I think this should be ‘led’]me through a doorway at the top of the stairs which opened to another long hallway. We followed the hall until its termination at a perpendicular intersection with another hall. We turned right and, after a few more minutes of walking, we finally stopped outside a door. [I wonder if all that detail was necessary]

“This is my office right here,” Dr. Bennett announced, opening the door. “Please, step right in.”

The office was surprisingly bare. There was a desk with a chair on either side of it, a bookshelf, and a filing cabinet. The desk had only a light on it and a bronze nameplate that read “Dr. James P. Bennett.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Please, take a seat,” the doctor implored as he walked around the desk and sat rigidly in his chair. I followed suit. “While we are more than happy to accommodate you here, I must inquire as to the nature of your investigation.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“There have been reports of a ghost sighting on the premises,” I disclosed. “It was said to have even pushed one man to the point of offing himself. I’m just here to get to the truth of the matter.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I see,” the doctor began slowly. There was a slight change in his once welcoming, albeit strange, demeanor. “May I ask where you heard such reports?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“It’s the talk around the town,” I replied. “Rumors are usually where I find the basis for most of my cases.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Many of the patients here are extremely delusional,” the doctor quickly countered. “They see things that aren’t there and that’s one of the reasons they require a whole staff to take care of them. Unfortunately, we occasionally do lose a patient or two, but I’m afraid you’ll find the rumors you’re chasing here to be just that. Nothing of a paranormal nature for you to investigate.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I understand your concern,” I shot back. “But I’m sure you’ll also understand why I’m hesitant to take your word for it when there are lives on the line.”

<p class="MsoNormal">At this point the doctor paused for a long time, looking down at his nearly empty desk. Finally he sighed and said “I don’t want you upsetting my patients by making them think they’re under investigation. If you’re going to be walking around and talking to them, they need to think you’re one of them. You’re going to have to wear this.” Dr. Bennett pulled a set of white scrubs from under the desk and passed it over to me. [ah shit this isn’t going to end well]

<p class="MsoNormal">I took the scrubs without taking my eyes off the doctor. I was glad to have been granted access to the hospital, but it almost seemed too easy. The doctor knew something, there was no other reason for his lack of objection and his current aversion to eye contact. I would have to keep an eye on him I told myself as I changed into the scrubs and handed him my other clothes. The only personal possession I was allowed to keep was the leather bound notebook in which I document all my cases. Dr. Bennett begrudgingly let me hold on to that and a few pencils to keep track of my investigation.

<p class="MsoNormal">After a brief explanation of the asylum’s rules, the doctor wished me well and had an orderly lead to the rec room located off the left side of the first hallway from the top of the stairs. I asked a few questions of the orderly, but the responses were considerably short. Apparently, the first floor was off limits for patients. I asked why, but I received no response. I also found out that the asylum was quite a bit larger than I had previously imagined. The first hallway contained the rec room and various classrooms and offices for working with patients. The next hallway with Dr. Bennett’s office contained many of the offices and sleeping quarters for the hospital staff. Four more hallways branched off behind that which contained the housing for the patients.

<p class="MsoNormal">I tried to ask a few more questions, but as soon as we reached the rec room the orderly left to attend to other business. I looked around the large, open space broken up by regular support pillars. There was an area with tables, a chess set, some couches and chairs to the right as well as a large radio set on a table broadcasting some fuzzy coverage of a baseball game to the zoned out patients dotting the room. This noise clashed with the music emanating from an old record player to the left, situated between two more couches and surrounded by windows. There was a regular popping sound created by two men playing ping-pong on a table just next to the record area. A few of the similarly dressed patients were talking loudly to one another (or themselves, it was difficult to tell) adding to the cacophony. The patients here were certainly characters. They spanned many age groups and had several different looks about them, but they all gave off a similar vibe of not really being present in their own bodies. They all wore matching scrubs but a few supplemented the look with glasses, robes, hats, and colorful scarves. I wandered around the room, making eye contact with a couple of them and even listening into their rants. I finally settled on a couch right across from an older gentleman huddled in his robe and staring off into space as the music from the record player washed over him. [I really enjoyed this bit of scene-setting]

<p class="MsoNormal">“Hello,” I said. “My name is Clint.”

<p class="MsoNormal">He opened his mouth slightly and I leaned in to hear his response, but I quickly realized his [he] was wordlessly singing along to the music.

<p class="MsoNormal">“What’s your name?” I continued. Still nothing in the way of a response. I was about to try again, when one of the ping-pong players jumped in.

<p class="MsoNormal">“You’re wasting your time, he doesn’t talk.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I glanced up to see the man not even looking at me as he continued to play ping-pong. He had short, bright red hair and looked even a few years younger than me. He was tall and thin and seemed to have more life in his eyes than any of the other patients I had seen in the rec room.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Oh, I didn’t realize,” I replied. “I’m new here today.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I know,” the man said back, still focused on the game. “I know all the patients here and I’ve never seen ya. I woulda remembered ya, too. Not too often we get another sane guy in here.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“What?” I tried to keep my composure; I had promised Dr. Bennett I wouldn’t blow my cover.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Every other person here is crazy. Bennie here is the most sane guy in this place other than me and he’s crazy as hell,” he said, indicating his opponent. “I woulda remembered somebody like you who has at least some of his marbles.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I babbled something else to try to brush off his accusation, but he didn’t seem to care. To be honest, he caught me a little off guard with his mannerisms. Compared to the other patients I had seen in my short time in the rec room, he really did appear sane.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Were ya an employee, or a casualty?” he questioned.

<p class="MsoNormal">“What?” I honestly had no idea of the basis of his question.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Of Insta,” he added. He could clearly tell from my confused expression that I had no idea what he was asking so he continued to clarify. “Everyone here is either a former employee or a casualty of Insta.” [If this is a reference to the company in mine and Elliot’s stories then it’s Intra not Insta]

<p class="MsoNormal">“Oh, neither, I’m…” I began before trailing off. Force of habit had caused me to begin my normal introduction, but I was starting to think maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Sure, I had agreed to be undercover, but my loyalty was to the case and not some doctor who clearly had something to hide. Plus, this guy really seemed to be sane and it wouldn’t hurt to have some inside help on the case. I decided to go for it. “I’m Clint Owen. I’m a paranormal investigator and I’m here on a case.”

<p class="MsoNormal">The red head’s opponent, Bennie, gasped and dropped his paddle. “The ghost?”

<p class="MsoNormal">I nodded and, for the first time, the red head turned to look at me. He sized me up for a few seconds, unsure if he could trust me. Finally, he broke into a smile. “No shit? You’re exactly what we need,” the red head said excitedly, extending his had [hand] for a shake. “My name is Frank, Frank Belmont. This is my roommate, Bennie, he’s nuts.” Bennie stepped around the table and shook my hand as well, though with much less strength. “We’ve been seeing this thing for months, Bennie most of all, and the docs would not listen to us. I can’t believe they finally hired someone to look into it.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“The hospital didn’t hire me,” I replied, watching the initial smiles fade from their faces. “I’m actually working with the police.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Frank’s face lit up again. “Even better, the docs here are hiding something. It’s better to be working outside their radar. What do ya need from us?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Well, for starters, I need to know what you know about the ghost,” I said, taking out my notebook and pencil.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Geez, where to start?” Frank began. “I been in here six months or so and everything seems to be normal. Well, as normal as they can be when you’re surrounded by lunatics. One day, Bennie mentions something about a ghost. I didn’t think nothing of it, that’s classic Bennie bullshit. He won’t drop it for the next few weeks though, and I start to think he’s really losing it. That is, until I sees it, too.

<p class="MsoNormal">“It was one night when I was feeling a little hungry after hours so I break out of my room for a little midnight snack. I’m just finishing up in the cafeteria, when I hear this noise. I look up and see some figure over in the corner of the room. I assumed it was one of the orderlies tryin to scare me, they’re all assholes like that, so I yell at him to just take me back to the room if that’s what he’s gonna do. That’s when this thing turns around and stands up to its full height and I really see it. It’s like eight or nine feet tall and pitch black. It looks like a human, but more melty and not rightly shaped. It’s got these glowy red eyes and red spikey hair that goes all the way from its head down a stripe on its back. Once I saw it full-on, I took off back to my room and I guess it didn’t follow me. I ain’t seen it that well since, but sometimes I glimpse it outside my room. I never see it during the day but I know its [it’s] out there every night. Now that it’s seen me once, I think it’s following me.” [I’m not so keen on this bit of description – I think it’s meant to feel a bit childish, but the result is that the first glimpse we get of the ghost (even if it’s second hand) feels weird and not very scary/ominous]

<p class="MsoNormal">“Hmm,” I thought aloud. “That’s a bit unusual.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah,” he snorted. “It’s not every day you see a fuckin ghost.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“No, I meant your description of the ghost,” I clarified. “Most ghosts I’ve encountered look like they did during life. Sometimes they take the shape of themselves after they were killed, but I’ve never seen one that takes such an abstract form.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Well it’s still a monster, same as all ghosts.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I’d hate to disagree with you again, but most ghosts are just bored, not vengeful. In fact, I could direct you to a motel just down the road where there is a perfectly friendly…” I trailed off realizing from the look on Frank’s face that these two would never be leaving this asylum. I was getting off track anyway. “What about you, Bennie? You’ve seen this thing as well?”

<p class="MsoNormal">Bennie nodded vigorously then began grabbing his right earlobe and pulling it outwards from his body. It was a comical sight, especially when he began shaking his hand. “Bear, coyote,” he began to say over and over again.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Damn it, Bennie,” Frank sighed. “Ya couldn’t just give the guy a real story for once?”

<p class="MsoNormal">Right about then, the orderlies announced it was almost lights out and began escorting the patients to their rooms. I said “bye” to Frank and Bennie as they were carted off. I took a few steps towards the hallway before I was cut off by a large orderly who seemed to already be pretty angry.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Follow me to your room,” he grunted at me.

<p class="MsoNormal">“I don’t have a room,” I replied. “I’m not actually staying here overnight.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I cleaned and prepared an entire fuckin room for a new patient, so someone is staying there.” His grunt had escalated to a growl.

<p class="MsoNormal">“I just need to talk to Dr. Bennett and we can get this all sorted out,” I reasoned.

<p class="MsoNormal">“You can talk to Dr. Bennett until you turn blue,” he began. “Tomorrow. Now, you’re coming to your room.” With that, he grabbed me by my arm and dragged my down the hallway to the block of patient rooms. My objections fell on deaf ears and I was forced into what had been designated as my room. It was clearly designed for two patients, but I guess I was lucky enough to be living there solo.

<p class="MsoNormal">Initially, I was pretty upset at the misunderstanding that made this into an overnight work session. I eventually figured that it was fine in the scheme of things because I was gonna have to ask to stay here all night at some point, it might as well be right then.

<p class="MsoNormal">I waited until I didn’t see any more orderlies walking past the window in my door and the lights in the hallway dimmed down to just barely enough light to see. Then, I got out of bed and took a quick peek into the hallway. There was no one that I could see [in?] either direction. I slipped out through my partially opened door and headed back past the offices and towards the first hallway. It was dark enough that I felt comfortable hiding in the shadows if needed, but not so dark that I couldn’t see any danger that might be approaching. I peeked into several of the classrooms in this hall, but nothing stood out to me as unusual. It wasn’t until I reached the door to the foyer that anything out of the ordinary happened.

<p class="MsoNormal">Somewhere just around the corner at the far end of the hall [there’s been a lot of repetition of hall and hallway in the last few hundred words] a noise began [a noise began -> this feels kinda awkward to say]. I turned to face the direction from whence I came, but I couldn’t see anything. The noise got louder as the source approached. It had begun as a growl then quickly escalated to a roar and then a howl. The sense of dread I had was growing and I began fumbling for the handle to the foyer. Just as I got it open, I looked over my shoulder one more time and caught a glimpse of two glowing red orbs glaring at me from the end of the hallway. Without a second thought, I lept [leapt] into the foyer and stumbled down the stairs.

<p class="MsoNormal">The front door was locked and I realized as I tried to undo the bolt that you also needed a key to unlock it from the inside. Turning from this dead end, I glanced up to the top of the stairs as the noise began again. In a panic, I ran past the stairs and flung open one of the doors on the lower level of the asylum. I was almost immediately blinded by the bright white light that flooded from the open door. It was hard to see much of anything on the other side, but I heard many voices shouting, incensed by my presence.

<p class="MsoNormal">The next thing I knew, I was seized by several sets of hands and dragged away from the doorway. They injected something into my arm and the last thing I remember before everything went black was a small bit of writing on a plaque on the inside of the door.

<p class="MsoNormal">Insta Inc. [also bear in mind the company’s name is open to some change depending on Elliot’s thoughts – I came up with Intra Inc as a bit of a placeholder but I’m happy to keep if it everyone else is]

<p class="MsoNormal">I awoke back in my room on the second floor. The throbbing in my head was almost intolerable and I had to keep my eyes closed to block out the overhead fluorescent lighting that was only exacerbating the pain. I must have lain there for half an hour until the pain in my head had died down to a dull roar. I sat up on my bed and realized by the light from my outside window that it must already be early afternoon.

<p class="MsoNormal">A knock on the door behind me made me jump and I whirled around to see the faces of Frank and Bennie staring into my room from the hallway. I waved them in and Frank excitedly burst into the room.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Did ya see it?” he asked. “Bennie and I live two doors down and we saw ya walkin past our room last night after hours so we figured ya were on the hunt. We didn’t see ya in the rec room this morning and we got all worried. Glad to see ya alive and well. I hope ya got that bastard.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“I barely saw it,” I began slowly, my voice weak but slowly gaining strength. “It chased me down the front hallway and cornered me at the front door. I tried to escape on the first floor, but… someone brought me back here.” I trailed off, gingerly rubbing my head.

<p class="MsoNormal">Bennie’s eyes widened. “No, no. Stay up, stay up.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Shit,” Frank groaned. “If they caught ya, you’re in trouble. They’ll probably check your room specifically at night, there’s no chance of ya sneaking out anytime soon. Maybe you outta…”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Insta Inc.” I interrupted, remembering something else from the last night. “You mentioned them yesterday. I know they’ve been a business around town for a long time, but I don’t know much else about them. What do they have to do with this asylum?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Hell, they own it,” Frank replied. “So many of their employees were ending up places like this, they bought their own to keep them all together and to keep them from talking. I ended up here after I lost most of my memory working in their R&D department and Bennie went nuts after they sent him to investigate and [an] old mine they bought. [fucking love this integration of the other stories] Ask anyone here who can still talk and they’ll tell ya they had some run in with Insta. The docs don’t say anything, of course, cause insta pays them enough to keep their beaks shut, but sometimes the orderlies even let something slip.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I was so engrossed in what Frank was saying that I didn’t see Bennie anxiously indicating the door until it slammed open and the grumpy orderly filled the doorway.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Owen,” he grunted. “Dr. Bennett needs to see you.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Frank gave me a sympathetic glance. “Find us later,” he said before he and Bennie slipped into the hallway.

<p class="MsoNormal">I stood up and followed the orderly down the hall and to Dr. Bennett’s office. We walked in silence, partially because of the pain still plaguing my head and partially because I knew this orderly was unlikely to tell me anything at all. He opened the door for me and followed me in, standing just behind me as I stepped into the office.

<p class="MsoNormal">Dr. Bennett looked up at me from his desk, giving me another one of his unsettling smiles. “It pleases me to see you up and about today, I heard you slept pretty soundly last night.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Yeah, remind me to thank your goons for their assistance,” I retorted, watching his smile flicker for the most brief [briefest] moment.

<p class="MsoNormal">“I apologize for the manner in which they subdued you, but that is just hospital protocol I’m afraid,” Dr. Bennett explained. “I don’t meant [mean] to interfere with your investigation, but the rules of this hospital must be followed to the letter.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Are these the hospital’s rules, or are they directly from Insta?” I asked. “Or is there even a difference?”

<p class="MsoNormal">The smile completely vanished from doctor’s face. “I don’t know to what you’re referring.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Cut the crap,” I shot back. “Frank told me everything.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Mr. Belmont is a conspiracy…”

<p class="MsoNormal">“What the hell is going on here?” I was almost shouting at this point. “I saw what you have wandering these halls at night and you and I both know it isn’t a ghost. What are you doing on the first floor?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Mr. Owen, you need to calm down.”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Give me some Goddamn answers and maybe I’ll calm down,” my shouting was full-blown now. “I’m here to investigate on behalf of the police and you will co-op…”

<p class="MsoNormal">I stopped as the familiar feeling of blackness began to envelope me. I glanced down at my arm to see the large orderly injecting me with a syringe. “Son of a bitch.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I awoke once again in my room, but this time the lights were down. I went through a similar process to recover, but the pain wasn’t quite as intense this time. Maybe I had been injected with less of whatever the sedative was, or maybe I was developing a tolerance. Either way I was soon mobile and I was [I think ‘I was’ is a bit unnecessary] ready to be out of the asylum. Looking out the window I could tell it was night. Frank had said it would be more difficult for me to sneak out now, but I was sure I could still pull it off with his help.

<p class="MsoNormal">I slipped silently out of my room and into the room Frank had indicated as his earlier. The lights were off, but the moonlight was enough for me to see one of the beds was empty. Bennie rolled over to face me in the closest bed and quickly stood up when he saw who it was. I looked around the room, but it appeared to be vacant other than us.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Bennie, where’s Frank?” I asked him.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Where’s Frank? Where’s Frank?” Bennie repeated as he began shuffling around in a circle. The expression on his face was one of determination but I couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He looked so pathetic pacing in his white robe and army green beanie.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Gone, GONE,” He said after a few seconds. “Where’s Frank? Gone. Skinny doctor. Gone. Where’s Frank?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“Skinny doctors,” I mused. “Dr. Bennett? Bennie, did Dr. Bennett take Frank?”

<p class="MsoNormal">Bennie nodded and I realized what I might have done. Revealing to Dr. Bennett that Frank knew enough about what was happening to tell me might have put him in grave danger. I knew I couldn’t leave this asylum without some hard evidence to shut them down, otherwise who knows how many people might also be put into danger? Something was not right here.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Bennie, I need your help. I’m going to break into Dr. Bennett’s office and then I’m going to escape from this God forsaken place. I need you to not tell anyone that you saw me tonight, okay? I’m going to come back with the police and we’ll get you out of here.”

<p class="MsoNormal">Bennie nodded and I left their room, heading down the hall. It wasn’t long before I heard the scuffling of Bennie’s slippers behind me and I realized he was following me. I stopped at the end of the hallway and looked back to see his hunched silhouette moving slowly towards me. “Bennie, go back to the room. I’ll come get you tomorrow.” I could see him nod, but he continued moving closer to me. I waited for him to catch up and tried again. “Bennie, just go wait in your room. It’s not safe out here.”

<p class="MsoNormal">No sooner had I said those words when I heard a familiar sound and my stomach dropped. At the far end of the patient living quarters, a large black figure turned the corner. Its jaws were open wide as it continued its howl and I could feel its red eyes locked on us. It stood there for a second before it charged. It was maybe a hundred yards away, but it moved with terrifying speed.

<p class="MsoNormal">“Bennie, run!” I screamed as I took off down the next hallway. I was in pretty good shape at the time and it didn’t take long for me to reach the junction where the front hallway with the rec room connected to my current hallway with the doctor’s offices. I chanced a glance over my shoulder and I realized, to my horror, Bennie was barely ten feet away from where I had started running. He was shuffling along as fast as he could, but he was making almost no progress. I stopped and turned around to go back for him, but it was too late.

<p class="MsoNormal">I still remember the look of sheer terror on Bennie’s face when the dark figure rounded the corner behind him. There was a loud crunch of smashing ribs as a clawed hand of the beast exploded through the front of Bennie’s rib cage right where his heart must have been. In the span of just a few seconds, Bennie’s life was extinguished as the monster destroyed his body.

<p class="MsoNormal">I made eye contact with the figure for a brief moment. It seemed bigger than I remembered and, at this much closer distance, much [repetition of much] angrier. It was not ingesting the remains of my friend, it appeared to just be destroying them for the sake of doing so. I turned away from the gruesome scene and fought back my tears for Bennie as I continued my sprint to Dr. Bennett’s office.

<p class="MsoNormal">I could hear the monster behind me as I stumbled through the door and slammed it behind me. I turned the deadbolt and stepped back several feet, hoping it would hold. There was no window in the door for me to watch, but I almost felt grateful for that at this point. The monster began banging on the door with enough force to rattle the hinges. I jumped at the sound, falling backward over the desk and knocking all of its contents onto the floor.

<p class="MsoNormal">As I lay there on the floor, fear gripped me more tightly that I had ever felt before. I knew there wasn’t a lot of hope the door would hold up and even less hope of me escaping this place. I pictured myself being torn apart like Bennie and I wondered how much pain I would feel. How quickly would it be over?

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">I looked around the room hoping to find a weapon of some sort. Instead, my eyes came to rest on a file lying on the floor illuminated by the moonlight. I must have knocked it off the desk when I fell. The little tab on the side read “Clint Owen.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t know why I took the time to read it in such a dire situation. Maybe I had become numb to the idea of my own death or maybe I just wanted to learn as much as I could in case I was able to escape. For whatever reason, curiosity got the best of me and I opened the file. There was a single sheet of paper inside.

<p class="MsoNormal">Clint Owen is a thirty-one year old male brought in by the police. He appears to suffer from the delusion that he is a paranormal investigator working for the station. He has justified his time here by telling himself he’s working a case and needs to investigate ghost sightings.

<p class="MsoNormal">He has already shown himself to be a hostile, delinquent patient who encourages the paranoid thoughts of other patients.

<p class="MsoNormal">He is a danger to himself and patients around him. I recommend solitary care.

<p class="MsoNormal">- Dr. James Bennett

<p class="MsoNormal">It took a second, but it finally clicked. Dr. Bennett knew I was on to him and the only way to stop me from uncovering the truth was to insure that I could never leave the asylum. After our confrontation today, he must have drawn this up in order to frame me and eliminate my credibility.

<p class="MsoNormal">As I read the file, I failed to realize the banging on the door had changed to a much calmer knock. Finally, a jiggling of the door handle snapped me back into reality.

<p class="MsoNormal">I stood up and turned to face the door as Dr. Bennett strode in flanked by two burly orderlies. I looked just outside the door for the monster, but there was nothing in sight.

<p class="MsoNormal">“I was afraid it would come to this,” Dr. Bennett sighed. “Take him to a solitary care room.”

<p class="MsoNormal">I protested as the two orderlies dragged me from the room and down an unfamiliar hall. I screamed that he wouldn’t get away with any of this and that I was on to his game as he walked behind us. He met my threats with his silent, strange smile. Finally the orderlies tossed me into a padded room with a single window on the back wall and a small window in the door, which they slammed shut behind them.

<p class="MsoNormal">I stood up immediately and threw myself at the door, screaming profanities at the slowly retreating figures through the small transparent rectangle. Seconds after the doctors disappeared around the corner, a new figured appeared outside my door, one that looked like the mutated shadow of a human with horrible fangs and glowing red eyes. It looked straight through me with those inhuman eyes and I knew it was just picturing tearing me apart.

<p class="MsoNormal">I shrunk back into the corner of my room and covered my eyes waiting for the horrifying creature to leave.

<p class="MsoNormal">It never did, though.

<p class="MsoNormal">It doesn’t always stand in front of the window, but I know it’s always nearby, I can sense it. It’s patient, waiting just around the corner for its perfect opportunity to get to me. The workers here want it to succeed. Every time they bring me food, they intentionally leave the door open as long as possible no matter how much I scream for them to close it. I don’t know how long I’ve been in here, months maybe. I only know that I don’t have much time left. It will get me one of these days, sooner more likely than later.

<p class="MsoNormal">It seems fitting that the account of this monster is taking up the last few pages of my notebook. I can only hope that my life is not wasted and someone can use the information in this book to clean up this mess of a town. As soon as I finish writing, I’ll slip this through my outside window and into the courtyard below. Maybe someone will find it there.

<p class="MsoNormal">Learn from my mistakes, make this right.

<p class="MsoNormal">-

<p class="MsoNormal">Overall I think my thoughts are summed up well in my annotations. But just to reiterate – solid story. Some ups, some downs, the plots a little predictable but what matters the most is that it’s well written and a lot of fun. I think it’ll make a great addition to the collab. In particular it seems to really suit the pulpy tone that's been building up at the moment.