Talk:The Black Fox/@comment-25941663-20160928023802

"I then picked up the electric razor to do the same. But it was already turned off. I gasped and dropped the razor. It turned off when it hit the ground. The razor had not been plugged in." - This sequence doesn't make sense. In the second sentence you write that the razor was turned off. In the next sentence the narrator picks it up and then you write that it turned off again. It was already turned off (from sentence one).

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This had quite a lot of little mistakes, like words missing and grammar. You need to be a bit more careful combing through your stories. Read your story over a couple of times to catch as many mistakes as you come before submitting it.

The buildup was great. Every scene took exactly the right amount of time and the story never stalled. You set the story up perfectly, you set the atmosphere, you even threw in a couple of creepy scenes of "things going wrong at night". You set the stage for something big and scary to happen to drive this home. Unfortunately, that big thing never came. The black fox idea was interesting, but that alone isn't creepy. The UFO didn't play that big of a role in the story and rarely got featured.

The climax of the story was the confrontation at the end. That's not cutting it for a horror story. You needed something more. If instead of a fox you had a weird and unknown creature, this would have been better. Still, it would need that extra something, but it would have been better.

You set everything up in the story, from atmosphere to characters, but it didn't have something significantly horrifying to set the story apart. Great effort though and good work on the build up. With more practice you have the potential to produce top notch work.