Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25851928-20141211115528/@comment-24101790-20141211130004

To be honest, this story needs a lot of work. There are grammatical issues. (You're=you are, your=possession) Apostrophes incorrectly used. "Word get's", "FRIEND'S OF VICTIM". Periods are missing from sentences and dialogue. "~But we know what he really is~", "Monster is a understatement", "we (We) are sorry (your) call has been disconnected(.)"

You forget to capitalize "I" a number of times and the first letter starting a sentence.

The all caps and spacing issues should be avoided. (You can use italics and an exclamation point for emphasis.) "HE'S COMING(period missing) ＨＥ'Ｓ ＣＯＭＩＮＧ..." (What would all those spaces in-between "He's coming" signify in a voice message? (A pause between every letter?) There are also quite a bit of wording errors here that warrant a re-read on your part. "he was gone and bloody was everywhere."

Additionally I would cut back on the number of ellipses (30+ times is excessive and weakens their effectiveness.) Restrict them to a few to denote pauses in dialogue and not dramatic pauses in the story. Also I would remove the newspaper article opening as it is fairly Cliche and no newspaper would print a story with a headliner like that. Also the idea of the protagonist being killed mid-sentence and the killer taking over is problematic. (Did the killer sit down and finish the story?)

As it stands, in its current state this story is not up to quality standards for the numerous punctuation, capitalization, wording, and plot issues