Talk:Penpal/@comment-25160124-20140710000917

An excellent read. I'm not sure if the author made them all with an overarching plan, but he or she certainly made it into a well-crafted story. It seems as though the author is making it into a book and it certainly deserves to be. It's beyond "creepypasta" and is instead a genuinely interesting piece of fiction. It is an impressive,  dark tale of lost innocence. I really enjoyed it.

That said, there are a few issues that I hope the author of this work can rectify when he or she makes it into a book.


 * 1) 1.  Why did the Man's obsession turn to Josh?  At the time of Screens, he had already captured Josh (whom had "run away" at that point).  Yet, through Veronica's cell phone, the Man had still been text messaging the narrator and the Man even watched a movie with him!  The Man promised the main character that he would "see him soon." But instead, in "Friends,"  he decides to bury himself alive with Josh instead of the narrator.  This seems inconsistent if he had the narrator within his grasp.  He was certainly willling to kill people to get to the narrator (Mrs. Maggie, Veronica); it seems unlikely he would simply settle for Josh when they lived in the same town.


 * 1) 2. It's good that the Man is mysterious but his plan and motivations seem arbitrary.  Although insane, the Man's motives should at least be consistent.  I initially thought he was the narrator's father which might explain his obsession, but the fact that he decided to settle for Josh instead of the narrator seems to indicate otherwise.  I suppose he was just some random psychopath or pedophile - but if so, why would he want to be buried alive with the object of his desire?


 * 1) 3.  Most of the chapters form a similar forumula.  For instance, the narrator recalls some innocent childhood memory, he ends up in a spooky place, something odd or scary happens, and we're left with a revelation that the man was responsible or had been there all along.  Though the cliffhanger ending of each chapter really keeps the reader wanting to read more, perhaps some additional chapters that do NOT follow the formula would enhance the story.


 * 1) 4.  The narrator would've found out one way or another that Josh had "run away" (been abducted by the man) much earlier than 2 years after it happened.  It sounds like they lived in a small town and that his mother knew about it (she had been the anonymous person telling the police it was linked to the narrator's stalker).  I find it implausible that no one in the town (not even his mother) would even mention it to the narrator.


 * 1) 5.  If a creepy Man was living in someone's crawlspace, they'd leave the house immediately and call the police who would arrest that person!  Particularly if he was connected to a horrible murder next door.  No mother would simply move across town and think that alone would protect her family.