Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37482493-20190220032202/@comment-36627132-20190220062142

First off, I'd like to say I'm glad you finally started using the Writer's Workshop. Unfortunately I found quite a few problems with this story.

Spelling and Grammar Issues: "pulled up YouTube" is awkwardly worded, it would feel better if you said you went on Youtube. "When I had clicked on it was just a black screen." should be "When I had clicked on it it was just a black screen." "I had stared at it for 3 minutes until the video had stuff on it." first off, I suggest writing numbers unless it is a date, time, or money. That aside "until the video had stuff on it." is kind of awkwardly worded.

Spelling and Grammar Issues Continued: "It  started off" "It" has two spaces after it. "This wasn’t to weird to me." remember, "too" means "also", to means in the direction of something. You capitalized "Go Crazy" but did not capitalize "hit or miss." which I feel is inconsistant. "The silhouettes had looked like they were choking on something all the while she took no notice in it." there should be a comma after something. "What I didn’t notice was what I wasn’t on YouTube" should be "What I didn't notice was that I was not on Youtube".

Plot Issues: My biggest issue is the story itself. It's your typical "I found this scary video" pasta which borders the "Lost Episode" category since it is a twisted version of existing things. "pulled up YouTube and had the chance to watch memes." Youtube is not the only place to find memes. The ellipsises you add while describing the videos are pretty destracting and pointless. Speaking of, you don't have to capitalize the word that comes after the ellipsises.

Cliches: First off, as I've said before, the "I found a scary video" trope which, as I've also noted, borders Lost Episode. On top of that we have what is sometimes referred to as the "stop-watch" cliche in which the narrator tells us how many seconds passed before something happened. Then we have the "creepy message at the end of the video" which was no doubt borrowed from Suicidemouse.avi. And finally we have the main character being physically and mentally effected by the video itself.