Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20190730183504/@comment-35911608-20190730212719

Helel ben Shahaar wrote: RedNovaTyrant wrote: Helel ben Shahaar wrote: It's a decent enough story. Kinda lacking, but the twist saves it. I honestly didn't see it coming, and I had to reread it to get it. Thanks. I'm going to rework it a bit. The grocery part goes on too long for me personally, and I need to make the man across the road do some more things that could come off as threatening. Things I'd also suggest you do:

- I was either going to trim it to make it more sudden, or do what you said. - Yup. - Already beat ya to it ;)
 * Add a little bit more meat to the section where the narrator reveals he kidnapped the protagonist. Like a dungeon or torture scene. Or something in that idea.
 * definitely trim the groceries part
 * listen to Iron Maiden's Fear of the Dark. It sits very well with this story and may give you some more ideas