Talk:Sister's Computer/@comment-5733573-20180915161240

I actually quite like this, but it needs something more at the beginning. This really needs another clue to make it feel complete. For example, maybe the tabs that Kevin is closing have something to do with Alice in Wonderland. Maybe one has information on how to access the deep web. It needs something like that to make the ending feel less random.

Something else you could do is try to smooth out some ofthe awkard sentences. In sentence construction, I think the fewer words you can use to make a point, the better, so perhaps keep that in mind as you revise.

All of that being said, this was a very enjoyable story. Really nice job overall.