Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24498356-20140803220428/@comment-25558572-20140804011135

You need to post the full stories here instead of in an external link to make it easier to read. Remember this next time.

But the story itself really doesn't sit right with me. The formula was predictable and cliched; abusive parent torments their only kid for no reason other than to provide an excuse for the child to become a killer. This has been done so many times before that it was recently declared a blacklisted subject, and with good reason. This is more my opinion than an objective review now, but using child abuse in pastas so carelessly is highly offensive to me. Don't do that again unless you're going to use abusive parents for a reason other than to turn your OC into a generic JtK ripoff.

On the technical side, you do have some errors in the story. You need to make indent between speakers, and make sure you're using punctuation correctly (e. g. it's= it is, its= belonging to it). Run this through a spelling and grammar check on Word to avoid these.

Also, this appears to be a story that was based off your OC. It seems to me that you starte dthis story with the character rather than with the plot itself, which (I say this from experience) almost always turns out generic and boring. Build the character around the plot, not the other way around. The plot is the most vital part of a story.

And on a less relevant note, I find a male character named April to be ridculous. You could have chosen a slightly less feminine name, such as Sam or Robin, for your story.

All in all, if you uploaded this to the main site, it would have been deleted immediately. But good on you for using the Workshop instead; it's a step many inexperienced users neglect completely. So make a new story to put here, and in the meantime, read the http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Writing_Advice on this site for some helpful tips. The http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Spinoffs illustrates all of the content that is (usually) not allowed in pastas.