Talk:Hailey/@comment-25425104-20141013204639

I enjoyed this story, interesting twist at the end. It has a lot of repition of the same words, nothing that can't be fixed. However, I only have one suggestion, and that would be to have read more about the conversation between Hailey and the boy, instead of saying, "We had a good conversation for a good ten minutes..." Also, saying "  The strange thing is, they had no record of a missing kid named Hailey." - Is really unlikely to happen, with calling the police, they would have to action by taking the situation into their hands; not just telling you they have no records of that missing child in particular. That being said, I believe a lot more could have been done to this story, instead of it being rushed like it appears to have been. 7/10