Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24466828-20170518185644

I'm thinking of submitting this pasta here. Could I have advice on how to improve it?

Also, if any of you are able to think of a better title, feel free to suggest one.

...

The junior high students of Sterling Heights, Michigan often like to tell a ghost story about an abandoned basement deep in the woods around their neighborhood. It was first discovered by one of the most popular kids in the neighborhood named Simon Malcero. He said that he found it while going for a walk. Simon told everyone that it was quite unnerving to be inside it. Several students decided to make a tradition out of it. Every Friday, someone has to spend 10 minutes inside it alone. Then, they have to nominate someone to do it next week.

By the 7th week, an 8th grader named Perry Alberson was chosen.

Before Perry walked into the woods that Friday, he was given a flashlight and a timer so he'd know when to come out. He then proceeded for the room. He had never seen it before, and he wondered what it would look like. When he arrived to it, he shined his flashlight at it. Most of the structure was underground. There was a rusty, iron door surrounded by a small concrete structure on the ground level. The structure was square shaped. It was about 6-7 square feet. A small keyhole was on the door. A phrase was written in black ink on top of the door. It simply read "The Basement". Its roof had a few leaves and small sticks on top of it. However, the roof was actually in good shape.

Perry opened the door. It was heavy, and it took a tremendous amount of energy to open it. As it slid open, he could hear the hinges creaking. Perry walked inside the structure and closed the door behind him. A staircase was in front of him. The steps were made of stone and paint was peeling off all the walls. After he descended 10 steps, he arrived at the basement floor. He shined the flashlight around the room. It was fairly big, but there was no furniture inside it. There were a few spider webs here and there, but that was about it. Like the staircase, the paint was peeling off the walls in the room.

Perry walked into the center of the room. He couldn't hear a noise. The room creeped him out a bit as this was the only abandoned place he ever set foot in. However, he brushed off those fears when he looked at his timer to see that there were only 3 minutes left. He spent those final few minutes pacing around the room for a bit. Eventually, his timer reached 10 minutes.

Perry started walking up the stairs back to the main entrance. As he walked up, he kept thinking that something was going to jump out from behind and grab him. He walked up the stairs a bit faster until he reached the top.

Perry enjoyed this experience, and he was thankful that the experience wasn't too terrifying. When he went to open the door, however, the door handle wouldn't budge. It was locked. He looked out the keyhole to see someone facing away from him walking away. The figure had a set of keys in its hands.

Perry yelled "Hey! What the hell are you doing?"

The figure stopped, turned around, and walked back to the door. Once the figure got up to the door, Perry's jaw dropped. The figure was an exact replica of him. It had his clothes and the flashlight and timer he brought. Perry and the replica started at each other for a few seconds. Then, the figure smiled at him and walked away.

Suddenly, Perry started to feel funny. He looked at his hands to see that he was slightly transparent. Perry was slowly disappearing. Before he completely disappeared, he thought of his other friends who went there. He realized that everybody who goes into that room get replaced by replicas of themselves. Those replicas then try to lure other people to the same fate.

After that realization, Perry finally disappeared. The basement had claimed another soul. 