Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24248644-20170220222412/@comment-31073921-20170221115354

Good Job. I'm not an expert reviwer but here's my opinion. Probaly you should take out the flicker in the window, it seems a little riduculous and doesn't do a good job of foreshaddowing, because we know somethings going to happen. Maybe make the fifth guy a little different, because if four people enter a building and never return - I'm not going in! Fuck no! So yeah, maybe change his atitude, or make it so his bravery is more apparent. Besides that the only thing you need to change is the bodies. Yu just said they were 'hanging in a row'. So what? Were they skinned? Gutted? Add some detail. But kudos for the good story, hopefully its up to qs.