Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475800-20150624215854/@comment-5100783-20150629201720

Hmm... I like the idea of this story, but it was executed pretty poorly. Stuff like this definitely has too much stuff going on to make it short like this. I can't comment on grammar, since mine isn't exactly the greatest, but I'd recommend you get someone to fix it for you, since there are some awkward sentences in there. Basically, it needs a lot more detail. Short stories usually work great with an easy-to-pull off plot, but I see too much going on here, and not enough detail. Maybe at the end, don't make it so obvious that the protagonist stabbed her, that really did erase any suspense and build-up. Also, the hooker came out of nowhere, there was barely any explanation on when you picked her up.