Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27080023-20151015114153/@comment-25226524-20151112231933

I deleted it due to a lot of missing punctuation, but also the fact that there were missing words/phrases in that last paragraph that you seem to have fixed (there may have been more, but that's where I caught them while skimming). There are too many commas missing, especially in your dialogue. Read over our Style Guide and then slowly proofread it again. The story appears to be pretty well written, but I need to give it a thorough read before I can tell you if it works or not. I'll give it a read in a bit.