Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4079896-20150116164130/@comment-25477067-20150315185200

A-3 Loki wrote: That story was different... and somewhat out of order on some parts. All the blood, black hole eyes and organs got extremely redundant (sorry to say that). I'm trying not to sound mean, but I got... Actually I wasn't confused at the whole story just some parts. As for the paragraphs they should be separated.

The story could be good if it was edited, structured and thought of better. I hope you do work on it, I don't like to see story ideas abandoned, but it's up to you.

Side note, the feces part was more funny than creepy. You should omit it unless that's your style of writing. If so, then go for it. The biggest problem I have with this story is the cliched content. It is so cliched that I can't see it getting on anywhere but trollpasta, like I previously said. I would like to say that for me, the story wasn't different at all.