Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26846606-20170123215253/@comment-27905100-20170124011244

Hey, that's pretty good.

While not the harshest user when it comes to quality, I could definitely see this up on the site.

There are a few greivances I have with this story listed below.

"“Get your ass upstairs already! Stop fucking around!”.

I sat back on my bed as I began to hear him walk upstairs. Suddenly, my phone vibrated again. It was a text message from Ben.

“You know I was fucking with you, right?”

'''Okay, that's the first one. How would Ben know that our protagonist shouted downstairs? If I were you, I would have made him text this instead. The man would probably come up anyway.'''

My heart dropped. I looked up at the doorway to see my killer smiling at me."

'''Secondly, I don't like the use of 'killer' in that sentence. Like, how would he know that that man would kill him? I feel like 'to see a man smiling at me' would be more effective. Anyway, that's just me.'''

Good job with this. It was enjoyable, and I could see this up on the site. Good luck with your writing.