Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35720336-20180529225927/@comment-9041013-20180530232751

Oh boy you're gonna hate me now.

This is a terrible presentation of what it is like to be a Schizophreniac, you've written basically the "Random madness condition with hellucinations" thing that is so prevelant in fiction and specifically horror. Schizophrenia does not just randomly appear, nor it is an immidiet barrage of hellucinations.

Usually, distortens in thought and speech come first, which result in well, people noticing something is off with a person when they can't speak properly, or speak nonesense. Also, delusions are usually "God loves me a little much", other weird fantastic stuff, or paranoid delusions. Which are again, odd as fuck, but usually start subtly with "someone's out to get me" before a ghost man tries to rape a person (My mum works with a Schizo woman who actually described a fit in which she was sure something invisible was doing her). You can't go deep into a person who is being treated for the disease one moment and the other "Oh you're awefully weird love, I'm leaving with the kids now" People with the disease do not know they have it, and most likely will try to resist treatment as a result of their paranoid delusions.

I am a purist, ok. Also, actual schizophrenia makes for a great story, they made a movie (albeit inacurate) about John Nash after all.

Anywho, the second person speech in the middle of the piece is kind of weird, but in keeping with a sick person's jumbled speech, it could make sense. Listen to a Charles Manson interview, see how much nutjob things he says and the way he does and try to incorporate some of it into your story.

Again, I'm a purist, so maybe it's best not to listen to me :P