Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26828540-20150816165406/@comment-26475800-20150816172237

There is a lot of issues with this story. Grammar is one of the first ones, every time you say "I" it isn't capitalized. Unless it was the beginning of a sentience you never capitalized your proper nouns (looking over again you also capitalized Doctor Pal.)

Punctuation was not great either, some sentences could do well with a comma thrown in there, where there are others which have commas that are not where they need to be. For example: "No, No ,No" I think there are some others as well.

The story, where the idea isn't bad, per se, it is lacking a lot. There is a lot of data which seems to be missing. You talk about a piece of paper in the end of the story, which is fine if we hand any idea of what the paper was. The only thing I can think it was would be the journal which we are reading, if that is the case than how could we have just read it? The nectar, which is okay an okay subject, had just become repetitious after the first few paragraphs. Also, he goes to the hotel, which is the mental hospital he is in I assume, but than he is caught later in the story. If the hospital isn't the hotel make it a little clearer, if it is why does he need to get caught?

Things like that make the story weak. Also there is little to no twist at the end. We knew he was a nut from the start, as soon as we found out the nectar is blood. There are these serious points that will need to be fixed before this would be ready for the site. These are also just basic points from a quick read, a more in depth proofread will catch a lot more than what I had mentioned.