Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26924905-20141216220710

Sunday, November 21, 2014

Ho ho ho. Huh. Who the fuck came up with that saying? I mean, just the idea of a fat old man climbing down chimneys and leaving kids 'special presents' is already creepy to me. But no, parents, you had to make the old fat man that breaks into houses have the catchphrase, "Ho ho ho!" Seriously? Anyway, Christmas is coming, and my daughter wants to stay up all night on Christmas Eve and "see Santa." What should I do? I don't want to let her down, but she'll be upset if I say no, and disappointed if I say yes. Ideas maybe?

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Guys, if you live around *********, be careful. Last night, a man dressed as Santa Claus tried to abduct my daughter. He literally walked right in to my house and asked her if she wanted to "take a ride on his sleigh." I was on the fucker in about two seconds, but he got away. So watch out for your children on holidays.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

The fucker doesn't give up. He doesn't. This is the second time. This time he said he wanted to "give her a late Christmas present." I'm seriously concerned for my daughter's safety. She's starting sleeping in our room tonight. We'll see how it goes. Hope this pedophile didn't try his tricks on your kids this holiday!

Tuesday, January 1, 2014

Guys I've already called the police several times, but these fucking racist cops refuse to do shit because I'm black. This motherfucker doesn't give up. He's done it ''three fucking times now. ''This time, he came into my room, duct taped me and my wife's mouths, and tied us up while we were sleeping. My daughter shined a flashlight in the dude's eyes, pushed a nightstand over on his foot, and hit him several times with her emergency baseball bat. (Great idea by the way. Really helps for your kid's safety. She always has it on her when she sleeps 'cause we've been robbed several times and robbers usually go for her first.) Anyway, our neighbors heard the commotion and got cops on the scene. Bitch went to jail. Hope this shit's over.

Monday, January 9, 2014

I don't know how, but the guy was at it again. Shot the fucker. Right in the temple. Lucky shot, actually. Somehow he got out of prison (probably because he's white, so corrupted) and came back. He fucking came back. He dropped a note with an address. I'm going to inspect the place tommorow, but not alone. I'm bringing my sister, Ann, my brother, Buddy, and Ann's husband, Pharell. I'm going to sleep now. Bye.

Tuesday, January 23, 2014

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been busy. Anyway, the experience:

I walked up to this big-ass basement door and pressed my ear against it. It sounded like someone was fucking screaming. Pharell yanked the door opened and we went inside. This fucker's crazy as shit. He had kids aging from five to thirteen in sexual torturing devices, cages, chained against walls, handcuffed to beds, strapped to tables, some even in a gas chamber. These poor kids were awaiting their deaths in there. The thing was though, besides the kids in the devices, cages, and chambers, they were dead. The smell was fucking hazardous. I puked my guts out like thirty fucking times. And there were like millions of flies and other bugs, eating the decaying flesh of the dead kids. God, it was terrible. I eventually put my middle finger up and said, "Fuck it, I'm out," and sprinted outta there. The police later interviewed me. I told them everything I knew. They also interviewed my wife, rescued the surviving children, interviewed them, my daughter, Ann, Bud, and Pharell.

Wednesday, February 1, 2014

I'm fucked. Help Pharell, Ann and Buddy. I'm dead. Except it won't be torturous, like he wants. I'll just put the barrel to my temple, close my eyes, and squeeze, because I'm not going through that. If you read this Kate, my precious daughter, I love you.

Breaking News

Reports of a man found dead, presumebly the man who informed the police of the pedophile named **** ********. Definite suicide. Police assume the man went insane as the fact that he said to "save" his siblings. Daughter being treated with theropy, currently at ****** Mental Institutions. Went psychotic after finding dead father and reading death note. **************************************.

My Special Gift

I know you're going to get my special gift. I'll leave it right under the tree. Oh, don't worry, I won't be loud. It'll be what you want most for Christmas. Because, after all, you do want your father back don't you? 