Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27693519-20160202163854/@comment-24101790-20160202172704

Starting with the basics, we no longer accept proxy/slenderman stories. Onto the larger issues, this feels more like an introduction/bio for your character rather than an actual story. Look at the appearance section for example. You spend two paragraphs describing her clothes and physical attributes and a third paragraph on her weapons of choice. This doesn't really make for a good story.

Wording: "She reached for a slightly buried jar left in the woods by litters’ (litterers)", " One night, Vanessa took too much. She couldn’t take it anymore.", "It wasn’t long before she felt vengeful.". There are a lot of fragmented sentences here.

I'm sorry, but I really don't think a story built around an OC/CPC is salvageable for this site due to the content and its tendency to focus more on introducing the character than building a scary environment or creating a sense of tension/suspense. This guide points out a lot of the issues that come with making a story revolve around a CPC. Best of luck with your future writing