Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9073039-20140604074913

Hey, guys! This is my first attempt at writing a horror story and I wanted some constructive criticism. Thanks!

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There she was. Just as beautiful as the day I fucking met her. Of all the restaurants in New York she could have come to, she came to the one I happened to be. As if spending Valentine's Day alone wasn't enough, I had to do it, sitting in full view of The One That Got Away. And to add icing onto the already deliciously evil cake, she had some new arm candy with her. I've always wondered if God hates me, and right now I'm leaning more towards yes.

My heart started beating quicker and adrenaline started pumping. You see, it wasn't the cleanest of breaks. I mean, nobody yelled and nobody got hurt. We ended it civilly and calmly. But, having major anxiety, my body physically could not stand seeing her. I had let her go mentally, but I still haven't quite let her go emotionally. Even six months later, it was still hard to cope with seeing her. Don't get me wrong, she didn't do anything wrong to me. That's just simply how my mind and body worked.

I might as well stay and enjoy my lonely meal. I was looking forward to this restaurant's top notch dinner special all day long and I wasn't about to give it up for anything. I just needed to get to a Zen-like state of mind and try to enjoy my meal. I was basically having a panic attack which was being triggered by my ex-girlfriend, who just happens to be sitting thirty fucking feet away from. All I needed were deep breaths. When that didn't work and I realized I was about to kill the shit out of anyone who crossed my path, I decided to pay for the two beers I had and leave.

 As I was trying to stealthily creep out of the restaurant, I was suddenly stopped when I heard somebody call my name. It was a female voice. My thoughts raced at a mile a minute as I prayed to God, Allah, Zeus, whoever is out there that it wasn't my ex. I took what felt like an hour to turn around, my heart accelerating as the microseconds went by. My heart sank as I saw my ex's eyes staring right at me with a smile. Woopty. Fucking. Doo.

 “Hey! How a re you doing?” she asked with a smile. How am I doing? My heart burns at the mere thought of you being away from you. Seeing you with another guy makes me want to blow my brains out. I cannot be around you without feeling the greatest urge to run, and run as far as I can away from you. But, instead of saying any of that, I just settled with, “I'm doing well! How about you?”

 “I'm doing really well! I was just offered a job with a new company that'll boost my salary by about 10k!” she said excitedly. I, in turn, had lost my job due to poor performance since the break up and had to get a job that paid substantially less than my previous one. I could barely pay the rent and keep food in my stomach. Some days I have to forgo eating in order to make sure I can make rent.

 “Wow, nice! That's really awesome,” I said, feigning excitement. The more and more I heard about her changes for the good, the more I thought about my changes for the worse. I also got angrier and angrier.“Well, it was nice seeing you! Maybe we can get coffee and catch up sometime soon?” she asked. “Sure! That sounds great!” I said through clenched teeth, trying to sound happy. Eventually, she let me go from her tractor beam and I practically sprinted out of the restaurant.

 The subway ride back to my apartment is a giant blur. So many thoughts raced through my mind, the 30 minute ride felt like 30 seconds. I felt relieved at first that I didn't have to look at her anymore. Then, happy that I actually did get to see her and that she's doing really well. Finally, anger again, because her life is going so well and mine is going to shit. Why did she deserve such a good life and I didn't?

 I got off the train and walked up to my apartment door. I fiddled with my keys until I found my house key and I walked into my apartment, still boiling over with rage. I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV. I switched to the local news and sat there, sipping my beer. I was still thinking my encounter with her, replaying the conversation over and over again. The more and more I thought, the more and more angry I got. After a while, I realized that I wanted to get back at her for hurting me. I turned to the news for inspiration and the current news story was the perfect solution.

 I put on a pair of dark jeans and a black t shirt underneath and black hoodie. I didn't want people interrupting our reunion. I put on my shoes and made my way to her apartment. I walked since it was only a few blocks away. I smiled the entire way there in anticipation of the night's events. I walked into her apartment building and climbed the stairs up to the fifth floor, apartment number 5B. Luckily, she had forgotten to ask for her spare house key back.

 I opened the door and walked right in. It smelled exactly as I remembered it did. Like berries with a hint of flowers. I was suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia and I immediately remembered what her layout was like. I closed the door and left the light off, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness. I slowly made my way over to the living room chair and lit a cigarette. I will sit here for as long as it takes her to get home.

 An hour and a half a pack of cigarettes later, I finally heard the jingle of a key in the lock. I quickly ran into the kitchen and grabbed her rolling pin. As she walked into her home and passed the kitchen entrance, I quickly stepped behind her and hit her in the back of the head with the rolling pin, knocking her unconscious. Then, I slid her panties out from under her skirt, stuffed them in her mouth and duct taped her mouth shut. I quickly undressed her and duct taped her hands and feet together. I placed her on the coffee table, retrieved her kitchen knife and prepared for surgery.

 She came to about 10 minutes later, confused and scared. I stepped over and held the knife directly over her stomach. She looked directly in my eyes and tried to reason and plead for her life through the duct tape and panties as tears streamed down her eyes. I knelt down and put my forehead on hers. I looked into her eyes and said, “You shouldn't have broken up with me.” And with that, we began.

 I started slowly. I cut the left side of her face from her forehead to her ear. Her muffled screams were like music to my ears. Her right ear was the next thing to go and then her nipples. She writhed in pain and squirmed to break free. I placed the tip of the knife on her chest, directly below her breasts and made an incision down to the top of her pelvis. I opened her up and was ecstatic with the playground of fun that was in store for us.

 I poked around inside of her, opening up her stomach and intestines. Watching her lungs move as she breathed was the best part of that for me. I lit one more cigarette and put it out in her stomach. I grabbed my knife and started violently stabbing her innards, turning what were her large and small intestines into chopped meat

 I looked up and saw my ex-girlfriend's fleeting life drain out of her eyes. I slit her throat and let her bleed out. She had enough. I sat back in the living room chair and had one final cigarette, preparing for the last part of our getting back together. I fashioned a makeshift noose out of a few different pair of panties she kept in her dresser and hung it off of the living room ceiling fan. I secured it around my neck and jumped off the coffee table.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in"> I finally got what I wanted. We would be together...forever... <ac_metadata title="The One That Got Away - Very rough first draft"> </ac_metadata>