Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30346143-20171003095907/@comment-32461413-20171003162132

Looking at the story, I have noticed that there are several grammatical mistakes. I would suggest looking over the style guide as it will cover what you need to know in terms of basic grammar. Some mistakes I noticed were that you were putting the period outside of quotation marks and you also used the wrong form of a word (such as "than" instead of "then.") When having a quote inside of a quote you use a single quotation mark rather than a double. For instance:  "They're debunked easily! Nobody's afraid to try them because they never turn out to be true! Ethan, you "summoned" (sic) Tails Doll yourself, didn't you?" should be  "They're debunked easily! Nobody's afraid to try them because they never turn out to be true! Ethan, you 'summoned' Tails Doll yourself, didn't you?"

I find the excessive spacing between the paragraphs to be distracting. I would suggest having that gap be smaller. I also find that you don't need so many paragraphs. You should only really switch paragraphs either when a new speaker speaks or you go to a new idea.

The mention of other creepypastas such as Slenderman and others within a story is highly frowned upon. I would suggest leaving those out as they are pretty cliche.

You should be consistent with how you address the monster. Is it The Stalker, the Stalker, or The Clawed Stalker? It switches quite a bit so I would recommend going with one and keeping it at that. Also, once you have the character established, there is a lesser need to keep reestablishing it.

Why doesn't the protagonist do anything to stop this creature? He doesn't even tell his friends anything about it despite doing the whole ritual to prove how it is false. Why doesn't he try anything to stop/kill it? It seems like he wants to be killed/stalked by it without any reason.

There are some ideas that don't enhance the story that you should omit. For example, the point of not bringing a knife because the character had scissors.

I find the part about the gun store to be a bit clunky; it's not that easy just to run into a store and grab a fully loaded shotgun to shoot something, especially if it's a kid. Plus, wouldn't the creature have a chance to kill the protagonist when he's running for who knows how much of a distance to the gun store?

I'm not sure if this is common where you live, but I found addressing the height of the figure in centimeters to be distracting. I personally had to convert it to find out what it was. Maybe this is common where you live, but if it isn't, I would suggest changing it. Out of everything, this is what I'm least concerned about.

I'm most concerned about the subject. The whole stalker/killer character seems to be pretty common and may even be considered cliche. I would advise you to check out the spinoff page. When you go to the page, read through to make sure your story isn't considered a blacklisted subject. If it is, it will be most certainly taken down.

Overall, I would advise you to really check out the grammar. Grammarly is a great resource to help with some basic issues, but overall proofreading and reading the story aloud will cover a lot.