Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20161221194340/@comment-25148755-20161221232917

Sure. Some grammar, some stylistic.

"However, when he opened the door, the lamp by the bed was turned on. On the..." starting Andy ending sentences with same word, awkward.

"was his skin completely white, or were they just that drunk?" I may be drinking he wrong things. Seems forced.

Sunken-in

"Jeff took out a knife, a pointed it at himself." Should be 'and'

"He pointed the knife at couple" missing 'the'

"“By the way, I’d recommend you guys run now. It won’t make much difference, since I scoped out this big ol’ house and know every nook and cranny by now. But I like to be sporting. Go on, scram.” I'd remove "by now"

instead, he ran…somewhere, - this is oddly phrased

that you’re brain’s a bit damaged, should I, Keith Erickson?” - should be 'your'

I’m very aware of you are, Keith- missing 'who'

Keith yelled out a combination of fear and anger.- awkward

“Maybe you should turn around and face me like a man.” A voice - should be a comma and lowercase 'a'

Hope that helps.