Talk:The Exodus of Krähendorf Felsen/@comment-5733573-20180604215445

I hate to say this, but this really needs some work. The seemingly nonsensical combination of threats and influences here makes it impossible to get into the story: the goat man, fog, a weird "artifact," etc. It's too much and is impossible to take seriously, especially when someone casually walks out of the forest with this completely unnatural "artifact" and no one seems to bat an eyelash. There's also a completely unrealistic response when the things start growing on trees and making noises.

On top of this, the history doesn't ring true. The year 1823 is extremely late for a witch trial, even in Germany. Yes, it was still on the books as a crime in a lot of places, but it's highly unlikely that they would still be trying people for it, let alone executing them in the 19th century. Also, while we're not the subject of history, nothing was "Victorian" in 1823. The Victorian era lasted from 1837 to 1901, so you're a little early.

Finally, but on a still very important note, the wording is awkward in several places and, at times, I'm sure the words you chose don't reflect what you wanted to convey. There are also places where your tone shifts abrupty to something bizarrely contemporary ("offed themselves") which is incredibly jarring and takes the reader right out of the story.

I really hope you'll do some more work on this as its got potential, but it's really just not good in its current state.