Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20181208094813/@comment-9041013-20181208124313


 * In Jonathan Rhys Myers in role speech* The Book. Of Agony. Is Back.

Well, it's nice to see that you're back at it, as for the pacing - don't worry. It's not a short story and you are clearly drawing from reality so the story definitely needs these slower moments from time to time, especially if they are meant to be emotionally drenching like the first part of this chapter.

(I had no idea that chemo patients have a smell to them that sticks for a very long time...)

Also, is Vincent's behavior a little foreshadowing on how Senor Incognito's about to torment Daniel? If so, props on making it just a foreshadowing rather than outright screaming "This is Dan's anchor!! AHAHAHAHA".

You know, The Nameless is a good villain, I dislike his douchebaggery. Clearly enough he is meant to be the "obvious bad guy who does bad stuff for harmful to others reasons". Good thing I've a couple of beings who are capable of turning him into a blueberry paste in my literary-verse (I am tying the majority of my stories up) (:

I was worried that you'd stick to the lethal BDSM tactics he's fond of using but you delivered a rather original and entertaining form of torture curtousy of The Nameless. I hope you can keep it up in future installements. Also, "Leprotic Penis" came off as weird, so I googled "Leprotic" and I saw a Leporacy damaged eye, uhhh, the phrase words.

Also, if you've never smelled a rotting pig, I do commend your choice in disgustingly smelling objects. It smells like the devil's armpit after a mad crossfit session.

So far you've delivered, and don't worry about taking your time with the writing. Usually when people shoot up three stories a week they come off as either poorly technically written or just made up of a weak plot.

Rape is terrible, I agree, fuck all rapists, we should Vlad The Impaler them all. Also, the trauma it induces can be even worse than what you're writing here. I've seen a case that had hellucinations and the person was a total mess. Doing better now, WAY better, but you know, some stuff just sticks with you.

I do, personally, dislike the use of caps wherever you can use an exclamation mark.

And grammarly says you've a bunch of grammatical issues. The most annoying one (for me) is how it tells you not to write "afterwards" or "backwards" with the s' at the end. And, Banned, "Blonde-haired" really? Really? REALLY NOW? why is there a hyphen there?