Talk:The Polished Man/@comment-26030957-20150203175728



I really liked your story. You created a very iconic boogey man with your polished man character and I did not see it coming when your narrator clocked that old lady on the head. I did find a few technical things that you might consider reviewing:

  "I thought about more as I drove home in my silver Vauxhall, wondering about his identity"- I think you mean to say, I thought about IT more

 "It did have windows, but even then they were dusty and covered in grime"- I would take out the THEN 

 "It had a picket fence surrounding it in a haphazardly fashion"- consider changing haphazardly (an adverb) to just haphazard (an adjective) 

"Not to say that it was good; but better, at least."- semi-colons are used to separate two complete sentences- but better, at least is not an independent sentence

<span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:rgb(212,212,213);border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;">"I twisted the painting in its hanging, maneuvering it for several moments until it was safely back in its frame." - both the verb twisted and the prepositional phrase 'in its hanging' sound very awkward to me. <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">

<p style="margin:0in0in0.0001pt;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:rgb(212,212,213);border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;">"There was no doubt; No illusion"- semi-colon issue again and the capital No- did you mean to use a period here? <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">

<p style="margin:0in0in0.0001pt;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:rgb(212,212,213);border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;"> "Opening the way to my car; Opening the way to safety." same as the above statement <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">

<p style="margin:0in0in0.0001pt;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:rgb(212,212,213);border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;">"They were pallid, whitish, with red veins snaking up them like creepers" - creepers? I don't get it, is this a Mine Craft reference? <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">

<p style="margin:0in0in0.0001pt;line-height:16.5pt;"><span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;color:rgb(212,212,213);border:1ptnonewindowtext;padding:0in;">"It seemed expression seemed…manic."- this sentence makes no sense. <span style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">