Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26891332-20150819204902/@comment-26425680-20151126050922

Dude, please don't post your updates in the comment section. Anybody who's new to this thread is going to end up reading your story four times before they get to the most recent version. Just edit the initial post so that your latest rewrite is the first thing we see. Then you can comment below letting people know that it's been edited.

Now, onto the story... I agree with Banning that the concept is workable, but for me, this veers away from the creepy zone and into the sadness zone. It's almost a little too realistic, without being scary. You took some of Banning's suggestions, but you probably didn't take them far enough. Essentially, the overall tone of this story is wrong. Most pastas have some sort of unrealistic element to them. Even pastas that are "true" usually have at least one plot point that doesn't quite feel realistic, or at least they're far enough removed from our modern lives to the point that we don't relate to them as reality. After reading this, I felt more like I read a news article about a rape/murder than a creepypasta.