Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27898345-20160301213332/@comment-24101790-20160306231959

Starting with the basics, the story is one large paragraph. A typical paragraph is 5-10 sentences. Any more and the text comes off as blocky/difficult to read. Additionally there ate coding errors on every line that make the story appear like this in editor mode: "Just a coincidence, right? " Use source mode when copy/pasting otherwise you can get some serious coding issues that make the story unreadable

Onto the larger issues: punctuation ("Large tree canopy’s (canopies) overhead", overuse/incorrect use of ellipses, etc), capitalization ("But... There (there) was one place I always avoided.", "I had enough common sense to know that... Something (something).. Was (was) just kind of.. off about that place." Unless starting a new sentence or using a proper noun after ellipses, the word should be left uncapitalized as it is just continuation of a sentence.), and story issues.

Story issues: The jump from being nine to sixteen really comes off as jarring. They should be a bit more transition there. Additionally the plot feels very rushed. It goes from looking for a dog to the bloodshot eye. Transitions and a stronger build-up would really make the climax more effective here. "Later in the news the police filed a report of over four dead bodies found in the stump of a tree in a clearing in our old property."

There's quite a lot of work needing to be done here and I think the only way to really salvage this story would be to fully re-write it (as well as keeping your eyes peeled for errors mention above) and inject more drama/tension into it.