Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32136026-20170528180449/@comment-24101790-20170528182059

I'm sorry, but this has a massive amount of issues. None on your sentences are properly capitalized ("chuckling to herself she got up and was about to leave when she heard a crack from behind her from within the near by forest."). You fail to capitalize proper nouns (" some might call sindy a sweet little angle yet her hair was her curse"). You use grammatically forms of it's (it is) and its (possessive), their (possessive), they're (they are), and there (indicatory).

Add onto this the numerous misspellings ("she was then toled that if she made any mistakes or tried anything", " except he wasn't a man surly.", etc.), fact you don't use apostrophes to signify possessive words ("probably due to the malfunction of genes she was born with the un-natural colour which lead to her mothers death") or contractions (""you cant even afford your own clothes? "), forget to use commas properly when needed in a sentence (indicating a pause/sentence break like: "final stepping out of the caravan the circus people looked at her as she stood with the breeze blowing her hair slightly with the sight of an angle in there view."), and general awkward wording ("some got consumed by the flames instantly whilst others tried to run towards the exits to find that sindy had used a caravan to block one whilst the other she was stood at so for those who had the courage to jump through the flames were caught up and mangled by the knife) and you have a lot of work cut out for you. Those are just a few of the issues I found.

On top of that, your story is a proxy story which violates our spinoff rules, the generic 'protagonist is bullies/abused' angle, and the general formulaic nature of your story and I can't really see any way to salvage this story. Even if the mechanical errors were all corrected, the cliches in the story would still weigh down the plot.