Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25685373-20141219155000/@comment-25685373-20141219192842

NathanLeachman wrote: Tayuski wrote: NathanLeachman wrote: I'll give you my opinion. Also, please space out your paragraphs a bit, it was hard to read so bunched up.

As for the idea, I am not a big fan of kids becoming killers. Especially with the name "Mad-Maddie". It sounds like a stripper name to be honest, I don't mean to be rude. The whole "WHY ME!" in the beggining is a tad overdone. A lot of people use it and it gets kind of old. I don't know if this is your first story, but if it is beware of cliches. Any story can be done right, but using a cliche idea makes it much more difficult. Mirrors are a big cliche, and especially summoning someone through it is not the way to go.

I'm not a grammar king myself, by no means. However, I did notice a lot of spelling mistakes. I won't name them all, but you spelled "follow" as "fallow". There were a bunch of run-on sentences, that made it confusing to read. This also goes along the lines of being too descriptive. You spent an entire paragraph explaining how he looked. In a third person story, I always found it more creepy to be simple about the look of someone. So if your gonna spend an entire paragraph about how someone looks, make it on point and straight forward so it's much easier to visualize.

The story itself isn't creepy, in no point of this story did I feel dread, which is more of a preference, then a mistake(Or than, not sure.)  If this is your first time writing, I would say it's a decent story. One thing that helps is when you read a lot of creepypastas over a period of time.

Reading published pastas are a good way to gradually learn how a reader feels. If you can learn how to make the reader feel a certain way. Some of the great pastas don't make me feel uneasy(I do like it when one does though.), buy they are able to suck the reader in wanting more and having the reader read a rather long story in one sitting. If you can master how to control peoples emotions, then all you need is some proofreading and originality to make a really good pasta.

Good Luck. Thank you, Yes this is my frist one and i wasnt really trying to make it creepy i was just trying to get an idea on writing one.. I know i have spelling errors and i do try to work around it the best i can(dyslexia makes it a B*tch to do) Thank you though so much, ill try and work better for when ever i decide to try and write again .-. lol.. Is that original artwork? It's very nice. Yea, the drawing actually was the first part and then i thought maybe i could try at a story..