Journal Entry: Eva

I never thought of Eva as a bad “person”.

“Eva”, that’s the name she gave herself, at least that’s what she told me.

You probably don’t know who Eva is, nearly no one does. Either they don’t seem to remember her or they never met her. But I met her. She was my best friend a long time ago.

But for you to understand things better, I should probably start at the beginning.

I was eight or nine when I first met her.

It was an unusual cold day in the middle of April, my birthday to be exact. And just like every other birthday, it was one I was spending alone.

My parents where very busy business people. Always traveling, always thinking about work, always leaving me alone.

Just let me tell you, today I don’t think of them as bad people or bad parents. But when I was little, I more often than not did.

My father was very strict and traveling even more than my mother. My mother was more easygoing, the only thing I hated about her was that she forced me to eat only vegan meals, of which I hated the taste. Even going so far as to pay our maid extra to make sure that she only prepared vegan meals. It sucked.

But I’m getting off track.

Like I said, it was once again a birthday I had to spend alone.

I didn’t bother welcoming the maid when I came home after school, I didn’t even bother checking for lunch. Instead I went straight up to my room on the second floor.

Throwing my school back into the corner beside my door I let myself flop onto the soft mattress of my bed. That’s when I noticed it. A small wrapped up box on my nightstand.

I set up and curiosity filled me. My birthday presents normally where placed in the living room, it was this way for years. So finding one in my room was unusual, which might be one of the reasons I remembered it so clearly.

I set up and unwrapped the present. Inside was a wooden box, delicate carvings of vine like swirls decorated the edges of its sides, vaguely reminding me of the picture frames in our living room. I remember letting my fingers run over the gearwheel carving on the lid of the box.

The box didn’t open until I figured out to turn the tiny music box like key on its back. When the box opened, it was empty. But I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t disappointed because I really liked the box. It was very pretty after all, even though other probably would have called it “girly”.

I can’t remember how I reacted to what happened next, to much must have been going on in my head to remember one specific emotion.

She stood in front of my bed, just a view foot away. A girl with braided blond hair, pale skin and a friendly smile. I remember her red eyes, her pumpkin like pink skirt, black corset top and the big pink bow on her back. If I had to describe her in a more easy way I would call her doll like.

She introduced herself as “Eva” and explained to me that she was gifted to me to be my best friend, and to protect me. I didn’t question it to much after she friendly explained everything to me. I don’t know if I was just plainly naïve, or if it had to do with the comforting aura that surrounded her.

I learned that she came from inside the box and that she was created to protect children like me, but in all the years I knew her I never got her to give me more information about that.

But she gave me a rule. An Important rule I had to follow if we really wanted to be friends.

I could never tell anyone about her. They would call me crazy and separate us since only those owning one of her boxes seemed able to see her.

To be honest, I would be lying if I told you that she wasn’t a good friend. Over the years I knew her she was always there for me, and it never bothered me that I couldn’t tell anyone about her. She was a cheerful “person”, always thinking of some sort of activity that I would like. Most of my good childhood memories exist because of her.

But I remember the day where things got strange for the first time.

I was around 14 and Eva was a stable part of my life at that point. She was my “person” of trust. The one I could tell everything because I knew that she always listened to me and took me serious.

With puberty hitting me hard at that time most of the things I talked to her about at that time where complains. The usual things. School, family, friends, more school. I remember that she would often try to cheer me up with stupid jokes, which worked most of the times.

Another thing I talked to her about was the crush I had. At that time in particular I had a big crush on one of my classmates, and she liked me too. The only problem was that her mother pretty much hated me. She wasn’t allowed to hang out with me, and I for sure wasn’t allowed to visit her at home.

At this age everyone expects there first relationship to hold forever, so obviously my 14 year old me complained to Eva how unfair everything was and that I didn’t deserve that my crushes mother hated me over and over again. Nothing out of the ordinary.

At some point, I made a mistake.

It’s weird how clearly I remember it. As if it was burned into my memory even though it wasn’t anything big.

In the heat of the moment while complaining about being kicked out of my crushes garden I blurted out the wish that the women would just leave us alone. Disappear for a day or two just so the both of us could spend some time together.

I remember Eva’s smile in that moment. It was so calm and there was this look in her eyes that I can’t describe. I remember how calm and soothing her voice was when she told me that everything would be okay, that I only needed to be a tiny bit patient. It had sent a weird shiver down my spine without a reason to pinpoint.

That afternoon Eva didn’t appear when I called her. In all the years I had her by my side, this was the first time she didn’t come to me. Maybe I should have noticed that something was wrong right there. But I didn’t.

The next day my crush had told me that her mother had fallen down the stairs and that she had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. My wish had come true, in a way that left a woman with multiple bones broken.

Back than I already had a weird feeling that this was Eva’s work, so I tried to be more careful with what I wished. Maybe due to some sort of instinct, I have no other explanation for it.

It’s not like Eva ever wanted to hurt me. Nor did she ever hurt the people that where dear to me. I’m still sure that her only goal was to make me happy, that’s what she told me after all and she was never a liar.

But children often make stupid and selfish wishes. Wishes they will regret in the future if they come true.

I for sure regret the last wish I told Eva.

It was a wish many children make at some point in there life, we just never expect it to come true. For me that point came a day before my 16th birthday.

I had gotten into a big fight with my parents. They had booked another work trip even though they had just returned the day before.

It was the first time I finally told them what I thought of them. That I was sick of them being always gone, not caring for me, ignoring me. All the anger that had built up over the years finally came out that evening. And before they could come up with excuses I went into my room just to continue complaining to Eva who was already waiting for me.

Being angry is no excuse for doing terrible things, but we all know that humans can’t think straight when there mind is full of anger. So I spoke out the wish that would haunt me for years: That my parents would just disappear once and for all.

And they did.

I didn’t realize it at first. I assumed they just ignored what happened the day before and had went on there work trip. It wasn’t until the police showed up in the evening of my birthday.

Weirdly enough, I can’t remember any details from that conversation. I assume the shock was the reason for my mind being wrapped into fog. There are only two things I remember from that evening. Firstly the news that my parent’s car was found in a nearby lake, my parents bodies still inside. Secondly Eva’s soft voice in my ear wishing me a happy birthday.

I didn’t see Eva again after that day. Thinking back, the reason was either that I had put her box in the darkest corner of our basement, or that she knew that I didn’t want to see her.

It wasn’t until a view days ago that I found it again while cleaning up the basement. This brings me to the reason I felt the urge to write my experiences with Eva down in the first place.

My wife and I had decided to live in my childhood home years ago, and now that my daughter is on her way to see the light of the world my wife decided that it would be adorable to give our angel something from our own childhood. But when I found Eva’s box, I was sure that this was one thing that I never wanted my daughter to have.

Sure Eva was a great friend, but I want to be there for my angel when she grows up. I don’t want to end up on the bottom of a lake because of a childish wish.

So to make sure that my daughter would never find this box I took it earlier today and brought it to the place that Eva used to make my wish come true all those years ago.

I can’t put the feeling I had when I set the box onto the soft grass surrounding the lakes shore in words. It felt cold and warm at the same time. Like leaving something behind and moving on.

When I turned my back I heard a voice whisper to me that I hadn’t heard in years. She told me to be a good parent, her voice just as melodic as it was when I was a child.

I know that those words where half thread, half encouragement. There would be a price to pay if I didn’t follow that advice, and Eva would make sure that I pay it.

But even that thread can’t help the smile on face go away. Especially since her thread was pointless; I had already decided to be a great parent before finding her box again.

I’m glad I meat Eva, as absurd as it may sound. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for her.

Even if things went wrong in the past, she was still the best friend I ever had.

I never thought of Eva as a bad “person”.