Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180822020522/@comment-33488654-20180826210435

Jdeschene wrote: It's a lot better than before, moving always in the right direction. I really think description is your strong suit, because you've been able to paint such clear and vivid pictures. The description of the dead dog is delightfully disgusting, for instance.

What's missing, still, is a point. This story needs to give the reader a reason for sticking around this long. Letting the narrator escape unharmed at the end is a let down. Stories this short need an ending that pops. Maybe the dog wants to bit someone so this his demon soul can be transfered to a human, or something like that. Maybe he succeeds. Think about how you would convey that.

That part is relatively easy. What's a little trickier is execution. The story still reads very messily and clunkily. This is something you just have to get a feel for over time. I suggest finding a story or a writer you really really like. Or, failing that, one that a lot of people seem to think is really good. Look at it closely. How do they structure their sentences? How do they present information to the reader? Really study how they do this. This will help you smooth out your own writing.

I also think you need to take a break from this story. Step back from it for at least a couple of days. Right now, I think you're so caught up in it that you can't see it objectively. Taking a break will help you come to it with fresh eyes and you'll be better able to see how to proceed. There actually is more to come.