Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29791712-20160821182705/@comment-28060931-20160822115100

“Show me?” She hesitates to respond. What- What do you mean?” should be "Show me" She hesitates to respond. "What- What do you mean?"

"As much as you believe it or not..." I was confused by this sentence, but I think you meant "As much as you, believe it or not..." As in that him telling her he loves her as much as she does him. (Considering the previous line.)

Those were the only mistakes I caught.

"Tears slip from the corner of her eyes, trail down her cheeks towards her chin" in this sentence the "towards her chin" part is unecessary, the readers know that if tears trial down someones cheeks they'll either go to the chin, or drop to the ground. And by adding extra parts to a sentence, the flow takes a hit. So try to look out for these, and just genrally make sure sentences don't have any extra words.

Also, I think the story could use a bit more of a creepy atmosphere, I mean this creepypasta. I would reccomend using a little bit of alliteration with the 's' sound, since it would fit the gentle, and whispery style of your story: two lovers, one of them a conflicted killer, and oblivious wife(victim), discussing a tragic note.

Also I would add detail like the story taking place at night and the narator smiling ominously at his wife, or something. Adding more charrcter would be good too: the story relies on sentiment, and sadness more then plot, so making the charecters the first priority is what I would do.

I'll end this in saying this is only an opinion, since I'm an actual good author, I cannot offer any facts, or guarantee my review is accurate. I'll end this by saying I acctually enjoyed the story, and want to see on the main wiki.