Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20170726154517

I don't get how Eyeless Jack is supposed to be an effective serial killer or kidney thief or whatever. Dude has no eyes, or at least a mask that covers his eyes. How can he see? And don't say anything about the rest of his senses being improved; he's not Daredevil.

Anyway, with that mindset, I decided to write this little story. Enjoy!

I was woken up by a thump.

It came from outside my bedroom door. I had no idea what it was, and, in terror, pulled by covers closer to me. Then, someone walked into my room.

He wore a blue mask with two black dots in place of the eyes. Everything else about him was black. He was also holding a knife.

“Fear me!” the being said, apparently to my window. “It is I, Eyeless Jack! I have come for your kidneys!” He then walked over to my desk, which was on the other side of the room from where I was.

“Ha ha!” he yelled, and then started stabbing the desk. Then, feeling it, he said, “Oh. Damn it.”

While Eyeless Jack was going around being an idiot, I just got out of my bed and started walking out of my room. Jack must’ve heard me, since he yelled, “I have you now!” and then ran straight into the wall right next to me.

Despite being a bit scared, I felt pity for the guy.

“Umm…are you ok?” I asked.

Jack sat down and sighed. “No, I’m not ok. I’m a guy with no eyes trying to murder people. Gotta tell you, it creates some problems.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“When I was in school, I took some test that would show me what career I’m best suited for. The results said I should be an eyeless serial killer who steals kidneys.”

I looked at him askance. He couldn’t tell. “That’s…oddly specific,” I said.

Jack shrugged. “Hey, this wasn’t my first choice. I tried working at Walmart for a bit.”

“I take it things didn’t end well?”

“I got fired for trying to kill a screaming child.”

“I can empathize.”

“Did you try killing a screaming child too?”

“No, but I’ve wanted to.”

Jack laughed. “You know, this conversation almost makes me want to not kill you.”

“Almost?” I asked.

“Yep!” Jack yelled, stabbing at me. His blade made contact with something.

“Got you!” he yelled, before realizing he actually stabbed a wall. I had silently moved away while we were talking.

“Motherfucker!” he screamed. Before anyone says anything, I have no intentions of posting this on the Creepypasta Wiki. I just want opinions from here on whether or not this is any good. So, is it? Please leave your thoughts and criticisms in the comments below. 