Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26876932-20160522015729/@comment-27008899-20160525123958

Now that I have read through it, there are few things. Two people should not speak in the same paragraph. You still havr a few spots where this applies. If a different person speaks it need to be separate like this:

"I am going to the store." said Jon.

Megan asked, "Can you get me a soda?"

Regardless of the length of the dialogue they need to be different paragraphs.

It is an interesting concept. One small hole-in the story you had a cell phone, why did they not call the cops to begin with? This needs tied up.