Talk:Personal Demons/@comment-25052433-20150724210552/@comment-26423665-20151016171326

I finally managed to get around to somewhat of a rewrite based on your review/criticism. I've looked mainly at character progression for both the main character and the demons to make both sides more relatable and at least make the protagonist feel more like a human being and not just a plot point there for expedition. Hopefully this has come across in this version.

While I couldn't really find anywhere to trim the fat (using fewer words doesn't come easily to me) but hopefully the improvement in character development gives the whole thing more context and makes it feel less forced.

The ending's been rejiggered as well to leave some ambiguity as to whether or not the suicide actually happens; the possibility and the option are there but it's down to debate as to whether or not he goes through with it.

The downside is that this has increased the length of the 'pasta as a whole but hopefully the improvements allow it to work as such as less of it feels like "rambling on".

If you get a chance to look it over and let me know what you think of the new version it wouldn't be unappreciated.