Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25569708-20141030191947/@comment-24056975-20141102055209

The parts are so short, you might consider merging them down to just two parts with the split occuring when Victor blacks out. You don't even have to lable them part 1 and 2, just a slightly longer break than the usual paragraph space will work.

Part 2 can be almost cut entirely. The two important beats, Victor's orders not to leave the house and his decision to defy them, can be organically worked into part 1. The rest of the story can be tightened up a bit, but that was the part that stuck out to me most.

I liked the music worked into this story. The bad classic station helps ground it in reality.

The news bulletin at the end is too long winded and reads too uncertain. I'd cut the second full line as redundant, cut the line about the tracks being slightly larger than last time. I'd also swap "some sort of wooden totem" for "a wooden totem" and drop "Curiously."

Hope this helps.