Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-40058099-20190707221219

I am writing this to you all in advance of my arrival. Greetings! Soon I will be living among you. This has been a dream of mine for some time now, and I am so very excited to finally get the chance to experience your world first hand. To ease my transition into your society, I have created a small list of requirements to ensure my happiness and well-being once I have arrived. Please understand, I am not an easily angered creature by nature, nor prone to violence, but there are certain things that I would greatly advise against doing while in my presence. Please be mindful of the following:

1. I do not wish for my arms to be touched. While I find your fingers fascinating, my arms are very sensitive, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would avoid making contact with them.

2. I DESPISE fruits, and would prefer they be kept away from me at all times.

3. I enjoy direct sunlight a great deal. Please do not position yourself in some way as to prevent the sun's rays from reaching my body.

4. If I am having trouble understanding the meaning of a word while in conversation, I would advise you to refrain from giving me direct descriptions or definitions of the word in question. Instead, I would prefer it if you would continue using the word in appropriate sentences, repeatedly, until it has become apparent that I have grasped its meaning on my own.

5. Tomatoes are not fruits, they are vegetables, and vegetables are delicious. I will not entertain or tolerate the thoughts of anyone who would try to tell me otherwise.

6. I DO NOT ACCEPT DONATIONS.

7. Please be appropriately washed before approaching me. I have a particularly strong sense of smell.

8. I do not like yellow or orange clothing. The colors remind me of fruits, and as I mentioned in item #2, fruits are things that I absolutely will not tolerate. The idea of covering your body with fruits? Revolting.

9. The color of my eyes are my own business. Do not speak of them.

10. Do not use the words "Express," "Cotton," "Douse," or "Mice" while in my presence. "Mouse" is fine. NEVER "Mice."

11. Do not stand directly to my left. Why would you even do a thing like that?

12. Following item #10, I should mention that there are actually many plurals that anger me. Some are fine, and "Mice" is definitely the worst, but in order to be certain I would suggest you refrain from using plurals entirely while we are in conversation.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this, and for respecting my wishes. I feel I should confess, I fear that I may have been a bit unclear earlier with one of my previous statements. While I do not wish harm upon anyone in your world, it should be understood that I cannot be held accountable for what might happen if one of you were to upset me. There are many more things that you could do to displease me, but most of them are only minor infractions, while the items listed above felt the most prudent. Please, for your own sake, keep them in mind.

Anyway! I will say once again that I am greatly looking forward to my time in your world, and also would like to send this open invitation to any interested parties; If you see me on the street, out enjoying the pleasantries of your glorious world, feel free to come say hello! I have been told the body I will be inhabiting is very lovely. I should be arriving in just a few days now if all goes as planned, and I look forward to meeting many interesting and wonderful people. Just please, please, please. Follow the rules. 