Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26996853-20150918183640/@comment-25980905-20150919014035

I've heard of a circus being the topic of a Creepyapsta, but never a magic show. Interesting... Let's begin shall we?

What You Did Right:

The story, overall, was unique. Your characters also had a reason for being there, realistic and clear motives, and your story wasn't just driven by plot. It was an interesting story to say the least and I'm glad I was able to read it. Your spelling, as you wrote before the story, was well checked and accurate. On the topic of your grammar however, we'd have to move into the second part of my review.

What You Did Wrong:

At points, your grammar was not the most readable and understandable I could list off the top of my head. At times it felt like words were missing, at others it was the use of words that don't work together well in the context of the sentence (ie 'had went to' as opposed to 'had gone to') that let you down. Although the plot is good and justified in all decisions and progression, I found that there was something missing from the story. There wasn't much build up and there were moments where I looked back at the story only to realise that most of the way I had imagined the setting and characters to be had not actually been provided by description in the text but rather my imagination itself. As a result, I believe the story needs a bit more description to position the audience better.

Overall:

I was impressed by this story and would seriously recommend contacting others via their talk pages for a second opinion. They will not only be able to tell you better ways in which you can make the story creepier/scarier but also provide added critiques and reviews that may just help you out more. I thoroughly enjoyed the twist ending, and the implications it suggests; that magic may just be real (and of course that there is a rather nasty magician out there somewhere). Overall, I'd like to see more description and build up (as well as the grammar checked) in this story as it will keep your audience interested and not just skim reading or skipping a few paragraphs to get to where the story is flowing nicer and more interesting (trust me, at times I was being tempted).

I'm excited to see the final product and I wish you all the luck in your writing adventure!