Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5858924-20150701060556/@comment-26512885-20150701174812

I really enjoyed reading this pasta, It has a good primace and original ideas. Although there are a few inor things that detrat from the story:

1) This may just be your phrasing, but you imply that the parents took the child somewhere to have a tracker placed in his arm. This seemed unrealitic, as I cant think of anywhere you could do that without the police being notified of potential chld abuse/ cruelty.

2) How did the parents not notice that their child had a gash on his arm after cutting out the tracker. He had to find it, so it must have been pretty deep in his flesh.

Other than that my only adivice would be to spend a bit more time on the transition from a oppressed child to a killer as currently it feels a tad sudden.