Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24694408-20150310215558/@comment-25148755-20150311054656

Couple things. It was decently well written. Unfortunately it wasn't particularly scary. The ending isn't strong, as you pointed out, but even before that there's nothing really compelling about the story. You state at the beginning that mods are ridiculously easy to make for Atari, so there's really nothing that would make me think anything that weird is going on here except somebody patched a bogus mod. The premise that it was a government game...so what? There's nothing about it that's very sinister, just that the government didn't know how to make a good video game back in the 80s. Even where you've got the agents coming, the dialogue ruins any tension you could build..."open the door or we will forcefully enter!" Really? I have half a mind to invite them to dinner they're so polite. So, anyway, hope this helps. The idea of a game put out by the government for some nefarious purpose that theyre now trying to cover up is definitely a good premise, but you really need to develop it a lot more to make it work.