Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5306249-20190702052452/@comment-35711173-20190702092553

English: You've made about half a dozen very basic mistakes in spelling and punctuation. They distract the reader. Have you tried running it through https://www.grammarly.com to have it point out the basic errors? I could say a lot more about the English composition, but there's no point until it's to that minimal point.

Story: My initial reaction is mental illness. Yet he seems too happy to be THAT crazy. I tried to come up with other explanations like an alternate reality or simulation hypothesis. None of that fits with cousin Jeremiah as an independent witness. If the protagonist is crazy, Jeremiah shouldn't be able to see it. If it is something Jeremiah can see, you'd think he'd call others to come and see it. After all, the protagonist is his cousin. Also, this could be a story that would have big movie rights or other lucrative angles.