Talk:Sea Breeze/@comment-7673575-20170427211644

It's not a really good story, for several reasons:

1. It's messy and more difficult to follow than it should be.

2. There is no need for all dialogue to be in italic.

3. "...rows and rows and rows of blood smeared white wedding dresses." Seriously, no one noticed he was murdering all of his brides? No one even noticed that it's weird he got married so many times?

4. If she is already dead, how is she telling a tale? If it was TPP or if some hints were given that she is a ghost, the story would be at least a little better.

5. "The floor here was cold, granite. There was one window, the moonlight from which illuminated an array of old looking farm tools strewn across the ground. There were scythes, hammers, shovels, cinder blocks, and a box of black garbage bags on its side in the corner. I tried to speak, to just stammer even, but all that came out was a little pathetic cough." So let me get this straight; she got scared of a tool shed? If there was something like blood, bones, bits 'n pieces, or even some suggestive photos, this would sound better.