Talk:Blobster/@comment-25569708-20160708193956

Alright, so I thought this was a pretty cool story. I'd say the pacing throughout was good, and there weren't really any points where I felt like the story was stalling or rambling (Mikemacdee seems to have helped you cut down the story a bit). The character aspect of the story was good, and after reading about Raoul and Amber's attraction to each other for so long, I was kind of shocked when he tried to sacrifice her to the blobster like that. Speaking of which, the blobster itself was a great antagonist. I say "antagonist" and not "monster" because even though the thing was clearly physically a monster, it had its own motives for what it was doing and it intelligently planned/executed its actions (Well up until it tried to eat someone holding a can of liquid nitrogen, of course, lol). This intelligence made the blobster feel like more of a villain in my book and resulted in me enjoying the story much more. I also like the blobster's description; it's a little vague but leaves room for the imagination, perfect for a monster story. I would have to say my favorite scene in this story is the part where the blobster is chasing Johnny through the freezer and everyone is in shock due to the blobster. The description used in that scene (and basically throughout the entire story) was relatively simple, but effective nonetheless. Nice job here overall.

I did notice a few odd things about the story, however. I know it's a minor thing, but Amber really doesn't describe the blobster to Raoul at all when she is on the phone. I just think that a marine biologist such as her would take the time to detail something like that, even if was informally over the phone to a friend. Also when they were all trying to move the blobster on the beach, I didn't really specifically get a sense of why it was taking so long. Was it because the thing was solid, huge and heavy to push, or was it Jell-O-like and had a lot of soft flesh to move on the tarp? And these people all seem to be articulating very well for a bunch of drunk people, even if they are marine biologists. Finally when Raoul is bitten in half by the blobster and we get a view of Rachael's feelings, she seems to be overly-affected by the fact that he died, and not the gruesome, horrifying way he died. It seems to me she should be a lot more traumatized by him getting bitten in half by a monster.

Anyways that's all I got. Great story here, good luck in the contest.