Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444017-20180723072936/@comment-9041013-20180723144004

I don't feel it. I can't, like seriously, can't feel it, can't get behind this, can't suspend my disbelief in regards to this.

Mostly it's just too short and somewhat to obvious, which lead me to eventually leave the whole story with "Oh that's it?" I know it came out harsh, typing this towards you.

But I don't know... it's just too meh the way it is.

I think it would be better if you went the route of just two kids checking out a haunted house story with the ending in which you reveal the monster situation. Cal was too scared, and all the talking about "my friends and how I need them" it's just killing it.