Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25609857-20150305220706/@comment-25148755-20150306002943

There is no way this pasta will ever be accepted on this site by the mods without a complete and total overhaul.

1.  You have a ton of grammar mistakes throughout the story. It would take a considerable effort to go through and fix them all.

2.  The story itself is far too bland/filled with cliches. Nothing about it is scary. The character himself is a standard Jeff the Killer ripoff...you gave him a mask, a signature catch phrase (So Bad So Sad) and a signature way of hurting/killing people (valentine on the cheek) but didn't actually develop him as a character at all.

3.  There are a huge number of plot holes/inconsistencies. I've never heard of an ipod you can text with. He happens to have a blank mask just sitting around at home? That's convenient. How are the two of them the only ones in the hall while he's killing her? How would he have been able to escape from the police...this isn't a mastermind, this is an idiot kid with a knife, he can't even drive a car.

Bottom line, commend the effort. Unreturned love is definitely a theme you could explore with a story, but this one needs a ton of work.