Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28346965-20160430202136/@comment-25569708-20160501001643

I'm sorry that I unfortunately don't have the time to do a very in-depth review of your story, but I can tell from scanning it over that there are various problems.

First of all, you need to cut your story up into paragraphs, as stories such as yours with no paragraphs are immediately deleted. There are some spelling errors ("everytime", "deeled", "family's", incorrect use of "their"), and there are many "I"s that are uncapitalized ("...everytime i would leave one place i would show up there seconds later...", "Sure i know that's their job to stand and wave..."). The flow of the story is also unnatural, due to the lack of commas and odd sentence structure. Your story also has many misplaced and missing commas and periods.

Even if you did fix all these grammar issues, however, your story still would suffer from the horror clichés within it. The idea of "evil mascot characters from Disney Land" has been done many times, and your story currently does not do very much in the way of originality. This is perhaps the biggest problem with your story right now, so I think that you should come up with some more original ideas to put in your story to spruce it up and make it more enjoyable to read.

Most importantly, I think you should carefully proofread your entire story out loud, sentence by sentence, checking for any and all spelling errors, making sure that your story sounds normal and natural.

Good luck, fellow Creeper! :-)