Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26251513-20150506205944/@comment-26007602-20150506230624

This ritual is barebones. You greatly need to expand on it more. There's nothing particularly unique or interesting about it, and you are far too vague in saying "Things can go wrong, and you might get possessed." What can go wrong? Why would it go wrong? What if I try this without having a dead sibling? (Additionally, the "Hehehe" afterwards is pointless)

There's nothing innovative here, no unique ritualistic aspect. The materials required are fairly unimaginative (A toy and candle pertaining to the sibling's gender? Surely you can do more) and the steps required to carry out the ritual are far too simple and plain. How long am I supposed to chant? How will I know when to ask for my sibling if they don't ever answer? And after doing those two things, I can just talk to them? Then what's the Ouija board for? It's not used. Maybe that's for the best, as it's a clichéd tool in horror (Also, don't use the phrase "To speak with the devil"; it is far too vague. Use something else.)

On top of all that, this story lacks believability. The two step solution is far too simple and greatly needs to be expanded upon. These stories are built on people wondering whether it will really work or not. They need to know the risk going into it, which you need to add to the story.

Finally, under the title "If you want to meet a brother", you state that the steps will lead me to meet a sister. This is just a small but easily fixable error. You reference the reader's brother as a she again farther down.

I urge you to greatly flesh this story out.