Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27031855-20150930072450

The story was originally posted on r/nosleep and so I tried to make it fit into the "believable" realm of that community by making this a forum thread. I admit that I have not read most of the more recent pasta submissions, though I have read a substantial number of the more famous creations. Given that context, what should I do to improve the core story here and accentuate the frightening parts? Should I drop the conceit of the forum thread and rewrite the whole thing in 3rd person from "OhDatDawg's" perspective?



The following thread is a transcription from a thread posted on Alien-UFOs.com last year. The thread has been deleted and most of my fellow forum-goers have since become inactive...

Mulder85: 6:50 PM; 10/10/2014

Okay, so long time lurker here, first time poster. I know that this whole forum is dedicated to UFOs and alien fandom in general, but I have to ask. Who here has ever actually seen a UFO? Let’s share some stories!

Ph@z3rs2Stun: 7:10 PM; 10/10/2014

Alright, so when I was 10 my parents and I took a trip to Sedona. They were on this trip to charge their chakra levels or something. I don’t know, I still don’t really get them but the main point is my dad was just as into aliens and sightings as I was. He’s the one who introduced them to me in the first place. I remember sitting out in the desert with him, hugging my blanket and hot chocolate and watching the skies. It was simply a perfect vacation. I remember seeing this green streak of light crossing the sky wicked fast. It must have been moving faster than sound, and it seemed to generate at one point and disappear at another about a mile away. Made me a believer.

PuckU: 7:25 PM; 10/10/2014

I guess you’ve never seen a meteor before, Phaser?

Ph@z3ers2Stun: 7:40 PM; 10/10/2014

I’ve never seen a green meteor before, Puck.

PuckU: 10:00 PM; 10/10/2014

The atmosphere can distort our perception of the color of an object, very easily. There’s also the power of suggestion and the fact that you wanted to see a UFO so there’s that, too.

TheRealAlvin: 10:20 PM; 10/10/2014

Has anyone ever seen The Night Light?

Ph@z3ers2Stun: 10:25 PM; 10/10/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">That’s condescending as all hell, Puck. As usual. Funny how skeptics demand proof, but will make equally extraordinary personal claims and not provide the same level of proof.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 10:30 PM; 10/10/2014 I believe your story, Phaser! :) Puck, why are you always so hostile?

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 10:40 PM; 10/10/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">He did see a meteor, that’s not what they look like. Have you seen The Night Light, before?

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 10:50 PM; 10/10/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Not hostile, just rational. You made the extraordinary claim, I didn’t. No, Alvin, I haven’t.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 11:23 PM; 10/10/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Alvin, we try not to be dismissive here, even though Puck flirts with getting banned on a regular basis because of his often hostile demeanor.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 11:50 PM; 10/10/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">What I give you guys is nothing compared to the rest of society. They just think you’re either crazy or credulous little children.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Ph@z3rs2Stun: 12:05 AM; 10/10/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">That’s why we stay here, away from that crap, Puck. Alvin, what’s The Night Light? Also, I assure you what I saw was not a meteor. I’ve seen those as an adult.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">OhDatDawgofMine: 4:23 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Okay, so I was hanging out by the lake north of Everton last night and my boyfriend and I were watching the sky. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen an October sky get to that shade of red. A perfect hue of crimson crossed hands with a powdery pink while the deep blue of night pushed them both down as the sun faded. Don looked at me for a moment, his eyes soft and full of love. This struck a frightening contrast to the blank expression and raised line of sight which followed moments later.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">I had to turn to see what it was, and in the sky above us three lights, forming a triangle, rose above us. The night sky seemed to travel with it. I couldn’t see anything but those lights. Though the lake was still dark, the lights were blinding. It was almost as if it were being transmitted into my eyes, alone. After another moment, it vanished. My vision was filled with spots of every color because the damn thing was so bright.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Still, there was something so alluring about it. Soothing.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 5:58 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Ooooo, that was kinda spooky Dawg!

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">OhDatDawgofMine: 6:32 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Yeah, it really was. Don was actually pretty freaked out by it. He kept watching out the window and jumping when cars drove by. I had to snuggles him and protect him from the scawy awiens. XD

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 7:20 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">That’s The Night Light. He’s right to be scared.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 7:28 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Spotlights? Maybe some helicopters? I don’t want to just point and yell liar, but I will. Pics or it didn’t happen. How’s that?

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Ph@z3rs2Stun: 7:38 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Freaky story, Dawg! I wish I had one like that!

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 7:40 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">No you don’t. They can come through your door now.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 7:52 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">What are they, vampires? Lol! Alvin, that’s some wild claims there. Ya hrrrrd?

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 8:05 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Okay, I’ll bite. What’s The Night Light, Alvin?

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 8:20 PM; 10/12/2014 ={{sup|$&$ %%&#($&$ % $&#@)@*}}$ %%&#({{sup|$&$ %%&#($&$ % $&#@)@*}}$ % {{sup|$&$ %%&#($&$ % $&#@)@*}}#@)@*$ %%&#({{sup|$&$ %%&#($&$ % $&#@)@*}}$ % {{sup|$&$ %%&#($&$ % $&#@)@*}}#@)@*   $&$##&$$**************************= <p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 8:31 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">You might want a new keyboard, Al.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Ph@z3rs2Stun: 8:43 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">That’s a little creepy. Looks like we got Feds watching. XD

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">B@n3H3r3: 8:51 PM; 10/12/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Alvin, I will permit that you may have made a mistake when submitting that post. However, any others like that will be deleted immediately.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 9:20 PM; 10/12/2014 =&$*( door @#(&@= <p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 3:15 PM; 10/13/14

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">So much for that instant deletion.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">OhDatDawgofMine: 4:25 PM; 10/16/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Hey guys, providing you a quick update on the situation here. Don is still freaked out by the whole lights in the sky thing last weekend. He keeps staring out the window. He hasn’t eaten much, and he drinks and sleeps just as little. He keeps waking me up with his nightmares, just screaming. I’m thinking of taking him to the doctor because I’m really starting to worry about him.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 4:35 PM; 10/16/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Yikes! I’m really sorry to hear that. It sounds like Don wasn’t really prepared for an encounter with the visitors. :(

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 4:54 PM; 10/16/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Sounds like he may be having some sort of breakdown. Seek medical attention before he hurts either you or himself.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Ph@z3rs2Stun: 5:12 PM; 10/16/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">I’m really sorry to hear that, Dawg. I hope he gets better soon. I imagine that such a close encounter can be very frightening.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">OhDatDawgofMine: 9:05 PM; 10/21/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Okay, so I just had Don committed involuntarily last night. I had to. At around 2am he woke up, screaming again. His cries were so loud, and he wouldn’t stop. He hasn’t been speaking to me for a few days now, he just looks at me. Like he’s contemplating something. Like he doesn’t trust me. When I try to touch him, he recoils and pushes me away.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">While I was trying to calm him down last night, I noticed something on his arm. It was a cut about 2 inches long and raised about a half inch. It was all red and swollen. I think he’s been hurting himself. I couldn’t take any more risks so I called 911. He was still screaming when the EMT’s got here. They shot him up with Haldol and he started to calm down, but he still wouldn’t let anyone touch him without grimacing. He was like a wounded animal. I’ve never seen him like this, before.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">When we got to the ER, it was a mess. They needed 3 nurses, 3 techs, and 2 doctors to hold him in place and do bloodwork. He screamed and thrashed and cursed and spat when he saw the needles. I was so scared. I’m still so scared. The medicine they gave him didn’t seem to do anything. He was screaming even louder in the ER than at home. Don hit one of the doctors while he was examining him. They tied him down in restraints and locked him in an isolation room. I can’t get the noises he was making out of my head. The doctor told me he was covered in wounds in various states of healing. Punctures, cuts, bruises. I don’t know where he got them.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 9:50 PM; 10/21/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">I’m so very sorry to hear that, and I’ll keep you and Don in my thoughts. You did the right thing in calling 911.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 10:08 PM; 10/21/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Keep us updated, Dawg! We all hope for the best for you and Don!

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Ph@z3rs2Stun: 10:13 PM; 10/21/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Omg, I’m so sorry to hear that! Please be okay, guys!

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 10:20 PM; 10/21/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">You’re next, Shelly.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 10:28 PM; 10/21/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">That’s not funny, Alvin. I’m reporting you to the mods.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">B@n3h3r3: 10:45 PM; 10/21/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">And banned. See ya, dickweed.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 11:02 PM; 10/21/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Creepy fuck.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">OhDatDawgofMine: 7:54 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Don is missing! The police are looking into it but they have no leads! I just want him to come home! Pray for us!

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 8:15 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Okay, Dawg, do not stay at home! Don was agitated and violent when you last saw him and he will probably continue to be agitated and violent when he gets home! Go stay with friends or family, preferably a place where Don wouldn’t think to look. Let the police know the names of all of your close friends and family who Don knows, and ask them if they could keep regular patrol to watch for him and keep them safe. Don IS NOT WELL! If you see him, do not approach him! He may try to hurt you! Be safe, and keep us updated if you can!

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 8:24 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">For once, I agree with Puck. Do not stay at home, Dawg! Go to friends and family!

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Ph@z3rs2Stun: 8:34 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">I’m going to agree. Go find loved ones and stay there!!!

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 8:40 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">They’ll find you anyway. They can use any door you’re near. You saw The Light. They know who you are now. There’s no escape. Don learned that.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 8:48 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Fuck off, Alvin! This is serious! Yo Bane, I thought he was banned.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">B@neH3r3: 9:15 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">So did I, and he’s just been banned again.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Ph@z3rs2Stun: 11:15 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Not to freak anyone out, but I just saw those lights outside of my window, tonight. Kinda freaky. I wanted to go closer, but they seemed to move farther away with each step I took. When I opened the window, they vanished.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 11:28 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Are you for real right now, Phaser?

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 11:40 PM; 10/23/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">They always need more. It’s just one more door they can use to get here.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 1:50 PM: 10/24/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Fucking script kiddies, man. And stop posting on my fucking wall, asshole! It’s all gibberish, anyway.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 2:34 PM; 10/24/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Seriously, Alvin. It’s not funny anymore. Bane, is there anything you can do to get rid of him?

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">B@n3H3r3: 3:22 PM; 10/24/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">I’ve tried, he just keeps coming back. His profile shows that he’s already banned. He’s probably hacking the thing. We’ll take care of it, though. Just try to ignore him.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">OhDatDawgofMine: 10:34 PM; 10/26/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">I did as you guys requested, and I went to my best friend, Christie’s. I haven’t slept well since that night. Maybe it’s the whole thing about Don being missing, or the new surroundings or just the stress of the whole situation, but I’ve been having awful nightmares. I keep dreaming that I’m paralyzed, and I can’t move. I struggle and struggle, but I can still sense everything. The other day was the worst, though. It was different.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">I always seem to be looking at the closet door across from me in these dreams, when I hear the low creak announcing that it has opened. The creaking door gave way to something else, this time. I watched as the darkness gave way to these strange forms. Three men, or something like men, walked out. Their arms were long, sinewy, and practically dragged across the floor. They moved with otherworldly grace, but unknowable intent. I felt their cold, clammy palms and spindly fingers wrap around my limbs. With unsettling ease they lifted me into the air, and walked back into the closet which gave way to endless, winding halls of brackish, twisted metal. The air was cold here, and my breath was a mist before me.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">We passed many rooms with open doors. Each one a garish demonstration of torment. A man sat with his back turned to the entryway while one of these beings removed the back of his head and prodded its contents. I heard him crying, laughing, and cursing with the puppet-master’s prompt. I saw a series of vats with unknown contents while an experimenter tossed in mysterious flesh. I saw a great herd of creatures of all manners; deer, wolves, lions, monkeys, and even people. A gate surrounding them closed off and I heard them all being moved into the device. The hellish grinding noise filled the hallway and my ears as the arm pushed the panicked creatures in. I heard fear. I heard flesh tear and bones crack. I heard a woman cry out for salvation before the awful sounds and screams of pain and the silence of death took over. They moved so slowly here. It’s like they were watching.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">At the end of the long hallway, my still motionless body was rested upon an icy metal slab. I was surrounded by them. Their long, gaunt forms were only more imposing in the piercing light of this room. I could feel my heart now. I’ve never been that scared. Their awful language, if the crackling and groaning which they spewed at each other could be called that, repulsed me utterly. Their awful faces possessed no mouth, no nose, and only a single, dark eye which always appeared to pierce directly into me. I watched spindly hands pass bizarre, sharp instruments. I watched a ghoulish finger rub hot green slime on my chest. I watched and I could do nothing. I was powerless.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">As my eyes darted back and forth, the piercing, sterile light in the room revealed a sight which broke me. I wish I never saw it, and I refuse to sleep again because I fear I’ll see it once more. A series of clear containers sat at the far end of the room, each one containing various organs and body parts from animals on our planet. I saw what looked like a cow’s heart, an eagle’s talons, and a shark’s head. Above the shark’s head was a single human face, pulled taut as if it were being used for leather. I knew that once fair, beautiful face which I had many a times stared into by the light of the moon, or as we made love. It was Don’s face. They caught him. They caught him, and I’d never know what they did to him but they took his face and displayed it like some gaudy fucking trophy. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">My grief was interrupted by the sudden, high-pitched sound of some awful tool. My eyes shot back to catch a glimpse of this terrible thing which these long hands were ever so slowly moving to my chest. I could feel the heat coming off of it. I knew it was coming but I couldn’t move. I was truly powerless. I felt it touch, and my flesh gave way in the most searing pain I had ever experienced. The sound was grotesque. The wet, sloppy tearing intermixed with the harsh cracking of bone as I was opened like a hope chest. I watched them pull up my sternum and block my view. I don’t know which was worse. When I could watch the whole gory show, or when I could only hear it and feel it. I’ve never felt something literally touch my heart before, but I never hope to feel it again. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t. All I could do is feel and hope for death to release me. It never came. They just wanted to see. They wanted to keep me alive. That’s why they kept the procedure sterile. They were curious.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">I awoke, screaming. I think I know why Don had degenerated so. Were these the dreams he was having? I found a long, pink line down my chest the next day while getting into the shower. Please tell me it was a dream. Please tell me Don is still running around out there. Please tell me he’s just crazy. Please tell me I’m going crazy. I’m admitting myself for observation tonight. I don’t know when I’ll be back on. Goodbye and good luck for now.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">Mulder85: 5:20 PM; 10/27/2014 What the actual fuck! That’s gotta be a nightmare, Dawg.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">TheRealAlvin: 5:40 PM; 10/27/2014

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">It’s not. It's been a long while since Phaser's has been on, hasn't it?

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:16px;line-height:26px;">PuckU: 2:24 PM; 10/29/2014 Yo, I think I saw those lights in the sky last night. WTF?! <ac_metadata title="Seeking feedback on story that was flagged for review; &quot;The Nightlight&quot;"> </ac_metadata>