Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26113663-20150130083634/@comment-25907694-20150130140112

Noice dude. I think that the beginning was quite hooking.

There were a few inconsistencies. Like, a limit to the robot's mulitiplication, and how exactly it was contracted airborne. I don't think it would be possible for them to multiply without having any sort of equipment, unless you could clarify.

How the government was careless about dysfunctional robots (when they started eating dogs and non-human, but living things). Also, president Jackson's speech about "Well, we're goners." didn't seem realistic for the scenario. I dont think a president would say something as morbid and hopeless in any speech, in any disaster.

Also, now that i think about it, it's kind of weird the government didn't just put a ban and import all the robots to investigate the problem. Or, at least, the local government could implement some sort of investigation program thing.

The ending, was okay. I like that mankind was wiped out, sort of, and the transition to it was well thought out. But, the song choice is sort of weird because it's a peppy, somewhat (party?) type of song. I don't really know why he would sing that.

Oh yeah, also, reading over it, you say the whole world had these robots, but you do only focus on the US government, with the president's speech and all. You could've included something about the other world leaders?

"...human race would be erased from map eternally." - this should have 'the" between from and eternally. Personally, i wouldn't include eternally, as it doesn't add much, but it's your choice.

"...others' have different methods of punishing themselves altogether." -  'have' needs to be changed to 'had', because you are referring to the situation in past tense.

It was also kind of weird the government didn't have a safety plan, or equip the guards properly to deal with these robots.

These were some of the things that blocked me from having a better experience with this story, but all in all, i liked the beginning and the buildup.

There might be a few more grammatical errors; you might need to go back and proofread a little bit. Sorry for bouncing around in this review.