Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25891880-20150121210034/@comment-25226524-20150211225159

Well this is definitely better. There are still some issues but it's a lot more solid than it was. It's close to meeting quality standards but I can't say for sure. One thing I think you need to do is pick a song that keeps playing instead of just saying music. This thought just popped in my head, but I think it would be a nice touch if you kept hearing "Young Girl" by Gary Puckett and when you go out to the cabin the first time, you see what looks to be a teenage girl being dissected (or whatever you want) by the creepy guy. Then at the end you walk up to the radio in the abandoned cabin and push play, and to your horror "Young Girl" starts playing proving that it wasn't just a dream.

If you read the lyrics to that song you'll see why it would work so well. It's also an old song from the sixties, so I think it would fit. If you don't decide to use this, then I should tell you that at first you said it was happy music, then you said it was sad music at the end. If this was intentional then I'm not sure I get it, but maybe it was just a mistake.

Anyway, that's my two cents. Feel free to leave out the song I suggested, but it's my opinion that it would add a little bit more of a kick to the story. There are still a few errors here and there, but they're fairly minor ones, so you should be able to catch them with a couple more proofreadings. Keep up the good work. Good luck.