Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30692969-20170119140450

So this is a thing that I did. I think it's pretty alright, but I don't feel very confident in the originality of the concept. It might be a thing that I just throw out, but whatever, it's not really something that's a real heartbreak. ________________________________________________________

I pulled the trigger on the hand cannon, tearing a hole in the man’s chest.

Is that a good hook? Have I got you reading on? Alright, so, now that I have your attention I can start explaining to you my current situation. See, I’m kind’ve in a bit of a jam right now. I accidentally may have killed 13 people and the cops are right outside my door. I’m kinda here to ask how to hide bodies in your own home in just a few seconds. I’m also here to answer that question with another question.

How don’t you?

See, you could be like every other normal culprit of massacre and just dig some shallow graves, but that’s just downright boring. If you really want to fool the police, just forget about digging, forget about the ground, the real way to hide a body is just above you for miles. Just tie some big balloons to their legs and let them float away into the night sky where their body will just fall to the ground somewhere else. It’s not your problem when and where it lands, Easy peasy. I did that back in college and got away scot free.

Now, for our second method, let’s go back to the digging thing. “What do you mean go back to digging?” you’re probably asking me right now, screaming at your computer screen, ready to punch the everliving shit out of the screen. Well, what you’re gonna do is take the person to the beach. “Why the beach?” you’re now probably asking. Well, you’re gonna take that person, take them out a mile or so, and bury them. Yes, bury them at the bottom of the sea. It works great because they’re gonna be very hard to find, and when they do, your victim will be completely unrecognizable. They’ll be so far decomposed that all the police will find is some rotten, mangled hunks of meat that, if they don’t run any tests on it, will look like pork at the bottom of the ocean.

Finally, for my favourite trick to hiding a body, just man up and eat the damn thing. Yes, you read that right, just eat it. I find that human flesh tastes good marinated, so take your meat and get cooking. It doesn’t matter how you cook it, it doesn’t matter who eats it. Maybe you’re gonna use the meat as your thanksgiving turkey or you’re even gonna sacrifice it to the devil, but you don’t really like the taste of raw human flesh. Either way, I don’t judge.

Now, get out there and get hiding. Happy murdering!

-Me 