Talk:Beady Black Eyes/@comment-5733573-20180817181804

This story was okay. It has some issues.

First, the identity of the man and his reason for buying the doll/knowing it's "alive" is just never addressed. This makes the whole story feel like a waste of time. You need to clarify this point and give your readers a bigger payoff. Also in terms of characters, the narrator probably doesn't technically qualify as a Mary Sue, but the way it's written, she sure feels like one. Be careful of this when you revise.

Secondly, there are a lot of run-ons in this story. Please give it a look over and separate them.

And while you're proofreading, look for the places where you've left out words or letters. There are a couple.

I don't want you to think the story was all bad. The plot is really interesting, and I did find myself wanting to know what was going to happen next. Also, many of your descriptions are very clear and engaging, so nice job there. Tweaking the stuff I mentioned above will make your story just that much better.