Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29076144-20161016043829/@comment-25226524-20161016132756

I will point out the issues with bolding and parentheses. I'll strike words that need to go.

Growing up as a kid, everyone hears those crazy stories and legends about the unnatural. And most kids are quick to the believe those stories. I was 12 years old, and I lived in (a) decent sized suburban neighborhood. It was covered with trees, especially huge maple and pine trees that towered over the houses. The neighborhood seemed big for (to) a kid, but wasn’t actually all that big. I had about four other friends that lived in there too. We would hang out sometimes and ride our bikes around the neighborhood. About a block from (my) house was an old, decaying, red, wooden house with a brownish-blueish roof (ok, that sentence needs a lot of work. "Brownish-blueish" is a very awkward description). The yard was overgrown and the amount of trees in it covered it like a blanket. We called it the Scary House (not necessarily a mistake, but that name sounds a bit generic). I was legitimately scared of that place. There were all sorts of stories about it. Apparently there was biker (I wouldn't use the term "biker" because most people will think of a motorcycle rider) in the neighborhood who went missing one night, and they found his bicycle on top of the roof of the house. A team of construction workers tried to destroy the house, but were chased out by some sort of monster. My favorite one was about 13 different ghosts that haunted it (sounds like a movie I've seen). Each one had a different ability. One could always hear you and another could always see you. I only really ever half-believed this stuff, and I only got more doubtful as I got older. Two of my friends that lived in my neighborhood were older than the rest of us. One of them was sort of a jerk. His name was Allen, and he was always doing stupid things. But he wasn’t annoying enough to w(h)ere we hated him.

Those are the main issues in that paragraph, but the whole thing doesn't feel right. The wording is off, and it all feels nearly useless. It's also dead writing. It has no life to it. There's nothing interesting that makes me want to keep reading. The opening of a story is incredibly important, and I have to say that if I were reading for fun I personally would have stopped after reading this paragraph.