Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25891880-20150429013838/@comment-25037895-20150429020513

Here's my two-cents:


 * 1) He (was) a little early to class
 * 2) oldest looking thing in (the) class to him. The term "in class" has an entirely different meaning.
 * 3) Jake and his new friends chose to (write) the answer
 * 4) She said that the only thing she ever made a noise of was with the coffee and nothing else Wording issues. Take out "of was" would be my suggestion.
 * 5) This is getting crazy, he thought. I would think about taking this sentence out or replacing it with something less direct.
 * 6) And so, the silence never, never, never returned to that old chalkboard ever again. This sentence is dry. It also repeats the last sentence of the previous sentence. I think it should be re-worded.

The story in general is a little dull up to the point of the bees showing up. While this part is exciting, I think the ensuing disaster could be described better. Decent twist, though. I would suggest adding something more exciting to the early part of the story, and taking out the sentences that aren't important to the storyline or adding suspense.