Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24841494-20140407130508/@comment-24077689-20140415171919

Graydon, you asked for my review, man.

I got nothing.

I'm genuinely impressed, which is a big deal. For me. For a first draft, this is great. Your grammar isn't spot on, but again, it's a draft. I really dig the concept, though it's not that creepy, it's what I personally love to see in a pasta. It's visceral, it's emotion, it's clever.

It reminds me very much of The Ice King in Adventure Time, that transformation and madness.

You make a couple of odd references, like the Darksign, what is that? Is it mentioned before? I think you could also flesh this out more, I keep thinking of The Lich King in Warcraft, the undead legions under his control, I think with a bit more backstory, this could be even better. One final word of advice: be careful, when I say "more backstory" I just mean a bit more detail, too much backstory could leave this impressive piece dead in the water.

I'm excited for the final product.