The Downside of Masturbation

We all know the feeling. That sense of adrenaline rush through you when you hear your mom say those words to you as she exits the front door. Even someone my age who has already entered adulthood knows that thrill. "Goodbye sweetie, I love you. Stay safe and remember I'll be home later tonight." I waved goodbye to her as a crooked smile spread across my face. I had the entire house all to myself for the next several hours, and I was happy as hell about it. I immediately grabbed the television remote and turned the box on. I searched through the channels until I realized I had absolutely no interest in anything that was currently playing. I decided upon putting a random channel on as background noise and thought that perhaps I should exercise my lazy brain and pick up a book. I dusted off a random novel and admired its fine red leather cover. This thing looked cool as hell. I opened it up and began reading. Long story short, I ended up tossing it onto the floor of the disorganized mess I call my room. It was some stupid story about a pissy, pretentious robot who gets mad at humanity and becomes a god or something? What a bore, am I right? Way too philosophical for my liking. Since the television had nothing on, and the book was a boring heap of crap, I sat on my bed, pondering to myself. What could I possibly do to alleviate the boredom which overtook me? I thought being left alone by myself at home would be a fun experience, yet somehow it was just turning into a snore fest. My stomach growled, and so I grabbed a bright red apple and sank my teeth into it. The sweet juices fizzled out and stimulated my taste buds, and so again and again I bit. Within mere moments I was completely done with it and tossed it into the trash. Well, I wasn't hungry anymore. I wasn't particularly thirsty either. There was nothing on television, so perhaps I could surf the internet. I got my computer out and sat it down on my lap. I opened the lid and started up google, and soon found myself watching random videos and whatnot. Usually, such a thing would please a millennial like me, staring into the dim, blue, fluorescent glow the computer screen offered, my mind occupied by watching videos for hours on end. But this time was different. I just couldn't place my finger on it, but it was as if I had seen all the videos in the world already. No amount of article reading or internet surfing could bring me the entertainment I so desperately desired. I closed the lid to the computer and sighed. What more could I do? How is it that a lonely 19 year old boy such as I had no clue how to be productive while my mother was away? Wait... lonely young man? My lips curled into a smile as I came to a realization. A nineteen-year-old lad without a girlfriend, without a job, who is home alone in his room. The one thing I did which brought pleasure into my life at all. The very thing I lived for! I slapped myself in the forehead and gasped aloud at my stupidity. Of course, there was something to do. I could masturbate! I rushed out of my room as quick as I could and approached the living room table. There, sitting atop a hardwood cabinet, was the sacred artifact. The key to my satisfaction and entertainment. An escape from my constant boredom. I gently caressed the shining beam of glory and hope within my hands and cradled it slowly, almost cooing at it. Which was, of course, silly, seeing as how it was just an inanimate object. Still, my lips carefully formed a specific set of words as I mouthed the label inaudibly. "Men's Hand Lotion." Giddy with excitement, I rushed back to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me even though I was home alone. I grabbed a clean white sock and sat it down beside me as I found the computer again and flipped open the screen. I desperately spam clicked the google chrome browser, and once it popped up I clicked the options tab and selected the Incognito Tab button. What, you think I'd just let my guiltiest pleasures be seen by the FBI on my search history? C'mon now, I'm a little bit more dignified than that! Perverted thoughts of what I could search for rushed through my mind. I had access to the internet. Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of videos and images were at my disposal. I just needed to choose the right one for me. I sat and pondered for a moment. No need for anything too kinky or strange. I may be a perv, but I'm still a normal person and would prefer normal porn to satisfy my needs. The possibilities raced through my mind at lightning speed. Uncertain about what I wanted, I decided to just type in the URL to my favorite site and see what was recommended on the front page. And then, I screamed, for on the screen in front of me, sat a simple phrase. One that all men of my standing dread. One that all porn addicts despise and hate with all their being. "Internet Connection Not Available." How could this be? I checked the WIFI setting and saw that my home internet was not available. I rushed to the router and checked it out. Everything seemed fine. Still, I restarted it several times and checked repeatedly to see if the internet would come back on. It never did. My heart thumped against my chest and my breathing became exasperated. I clutched my head so hard that I felt as if I was going to tear out patches of my hair. And it isn't like I could use my phone either because I didn't have one. My mom refused time and time again to let me borrow her money to buy my own, and since I'm a poor jobless bum with no source of income, well, buying a phone just isn't possible for me. Sighing and coming to terms with the harsh reality of my situation, I tossed the sock away and put my computer away as well. "Well little buddy, looks like we're on our own," I said looking down at the slight bulge of anticipation within my shorts. Total and utter shame gleamed within my eyes as I reached down and pulled down my shorts. Grasping the bump tightly in my hand, I began stroking slowly. I closed my eyes and did my best to come up with some kind of sexual fantasy to help with the process. For a while, I couldn't imagine anything. I only saw the darkness that came with the back of my eyelids. However, within a few moments, I was able to picture something very clearly. I was in a hotel room, my body sitting nude on a comfortable bed. In the hallway was a short blonde woman, her eyes a bright green. Freckles aligned her entire face, and she wore a comforting and welcoming smile. She too was nude, and she firmly placed her hands on her hips. I was kind of confused by this... you see, when I fantasize about a situation, I usually think about it taking place in areas I've been before and with people I've met. This time, however, I recognized neither the room I was in nor the woman before me. The woman giggled and strutted towards, sitting on the bed beside me. She glanced downward, her gaze shifting to my exposed... you know. I was heavily embarrassed. I mean, I knew it was just a dream, but it felt real. Well, real enough for me to be embarrassed flashing my below average sized cock at this total stranger. Despite being uncomfortable with my current fantasy, she placed a finger over her lips and signaled me to be silent, as if she could sense how tense I was. Despite being in a dream-like state I could feel my hand pumping faster in reality. The woman smiled and "gave me a helping hand", her eyes never breaking contact from her work. This whole thing, this whole fantasy. It felt so real. So real, that I was confused as to why I felt the way I did. The feeling coursing through my body was not one of pleasure or enjoyment. Instead, I felt nauseous and concerned. A part of me within, quietly telling me something wasn't right. Still, I kept going along with it. I was so close, and despite my unease, I just told myself I was being stupid. I was committed to the cause, and no way in hell I was stopping now over a false sense of dread. Over and over she stroked, matching up with mine in the real world. My hips started to sway, and my breathing became faster. I began to thrust up into her hand, again and again, until suddenly I felt myself come to my climax. Finally, the moment of utter euphoria would arrive. The moment I had set out to find. I had accomplished it. I had accomplished my goal of finding some form of joy while home alone. And then I screamed, and screamed, and screamed. A sharp pain coursed throughout my penis as my eyes widened in shock. The woman looked up at me, staring into my eyes, her face contorted into an expression of confusion. I screamed again, but not because of the pain. Her face had completely changed. Her eyes were cloudy and grey, and thick, dark blue goo spilled from her open mouth. Green and black rot covered her entire face, and her long blond hair had converted into grey locks. With a sudden movement she lunged at me, and that was when I awoke. I was in reality again, my own bed and my own room. I looked around, taking deep breaths in order to remain calm. Sweat streaked down my face in the gallons, and I coughed a little. I looked down at my penis, tightly gripped in my hand. It no longer stung, but my mouth dropped to the floor upon seeing its appearance. A strange, chunky black substance had spilled all over my hand. It... it was my cum. What the hell had happened. Well, I got my answer moments later. There, right in front of me, right before my very eyes, sat the tip of my cock, covered in the same green and black substance which coated the lady's face in my fantasy, My hands quivered violently as I reached out and touched the tip gently. A soft squish could be heard, and it seemed to echo throughout the room. "M...my god. Is that real," I whispered, my voice shaky and barely audible. My finger had actually made an indent into the tip, causing my stomach to churn violently. "What the hell are you," I inquired, trying to sound as firm and in control as I possibly could. What the hell was I doing or thinking? I still don't know really, but can you really blame me for not thinking clearly? A thick stream of green and yellow mixture leaked out of my urethra, the pus reflecting upon the light in the room. I saw the goo run down the tip and drip to the floor, each droplet sizzling upon impact of the ground. Before I could respond to this, I watched in horror as the black and green rot made its way halfway up my shaft before stopping. "What in the hell is going on! What are you doing to me," I screamed at my penis, clenching my fist tightly. I blinked rapidly as tears welled within my eyes and mucus and snot formed within my nose. I was sitting here witnessing this horrific event. The most important part of my body was dissolving before me, spreading to the rest of me. It was as if it had a conquest... a personal vendetta against me. Self-pity and disgust coursed through me, and most of all, fear. I felt my heart pounding and my palms sweating profusely, and it became hard to breathe as well. Each gasp for air pained my chest and I felt as if my entire body would collapse from shock at any given moment. A huge yellow and black boil swelled up on my right testicle, and within moments it popped, spraying pus and blood onto my clothes and the floor. I gagged in disgust, watching as the green and black mush methodically crawled up my shaft, coming ever closer to the rest of my body. "This is gangrene, you god damn monster! P...Please. I'll do anything, just stop this madness," I begged my penis, my face hot and red with tears which now poured out of my eyes. I was losing it. I was actually begging my penis to stop this torture. This thing that had gotten me through the toughest times in my life and had provided me pleasure through my darkest hour had turned against me and was now endangering my very existence. The little monster seemingly laughed at my suffering in the form of several more boils and continued its assault. It was as if it was mocking me when I was frightened most. I closed my eyes and swallowed the massive amount of saliva which had gathered in my throat. This beast was going to swallow me whole. If I didn't stop it, my penis was going to engulf my entire body in gangrene. I was internally screaming, for deep down, I knew what I had to do. With determination in my eyes, I arose from my bed and rushed to the kitchen. Each step brought excruciating pain and agony in the form of searing hot jolts throughout my entire penis. The once solid body part was turning to liquid mush, and the muck was literally melting and rotting away, bits and pieces of flesh dripping to the floor. When I finally got to the kitchen, I fumbled through the silverware drawer and pulled out the largest steak knife I could find. "Hey, what the hell are you planning on doing with that! You put that down," I screamed frantically. I could hear how desperate the voice inside my head was. I looked down at my cock, the horrible rot nearing the base. I only had a few seconds to do what I had to. My survival depended on it. "Listen here you! Are you crazy! You'll bleed out you freak," my consciousness cried out to me. Deep down I was still hesitant. Perhaps I still couldn't believe what had happened to me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wasn't looking forward to what I had to do, but it was the only way. The monstrous cock was bleeding a strange purplish color now, the pus seemingly changing color to an even darker shade, and for I second I thought I could hear an odd tearing sound, creating the most wretched and vile noise I had ever heard before I plunged the blade down into the base, the razor slicing clean through. I didn't even have time to scream before I fell to the ground. I could feel the blood gushing out, and this was only confirmed when I looked down. I was halfway through. I gritted my teeth tightly and picked up the knife, placing it against the base. I held my penis in one hand and the knife in the other, clenching the handle tightly as I sawed through the muscle. It took all my strength to push past the pain, and with as much resilience as I could muster, I sawed my penis until I heard the sound of it flopping to the ground. I collapsed, and the last image I saw before everything faded to black was the cock on the floor, disembodied and lying in a puddle of blood and rot and pus. I woke up several hours later in a hospital bed. After a long and tedious conversation with the doctor and my mother about my situation (and learning to my dismay that this wasn't just a dream and that I had truly lost my penis), I was allowed to go home several days after. My mother had apparently come home early and found me in a pool of blood. Sure enough, my penis was beside me, covered in gangrene and all. I was luckily rushed to the hospital in time to save me from blood loss, however, I'm still not quite sure if surviving the whole ordeal was truly worth it. At the time of this event happening, I wasn't thinking clearly. I hadn't any time to wonder why or how this had happened, but I do have a hunch. After much pondering, I had realized a theory within my mind, and have come to believe that this could have been prevented if I weren't such a jerk off, literally. You see, for years upon years I had abused and violently used my penis to satisfy my own needs and desires. Rather than find something to do in life, I used my genitalia to solve all my issues and pass time. Whether it be for fun or to ignore my loneliness and need for attention and pleasure in my life, I practically strangled my penis within my own hands several times per day. Perhaps this was payback, my body getting revenge on my mind for being so disturbed and perverted. Or maybe.. just maybe this was a blessing in disguise. A test to see if I had what it takes to overcome the worst of scenarios, and now that I have, a means to force me to find meaning within life without the use of pleasure or self-gain. Maybe now I can do something for myself or others that will bring meaning to me besides masturbation. Still, I'm typing this and sending it out as a warning to all those out there. Chronic masturbators, perverts, and porn addicts everywhere. Treat your penis with some courtesy and respect. This isn't to tell you that You shouldn't wank it, just be sure it doesn't go as far as it did with me. You wouldn't want to end up dying by your own genitalia now, would you? That would be a terrible way to die. Trust me, I know.