Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6822927-20190106211218/@comment-6822927-20190109004623

Squidmanescape wrote: Okay, first thing: I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD CHANGE THE STORY. The story is fine. The themes on display here would become muddled if you changed it.

Secondly, I don't feel like it's finished.

Here's some amateur level story analysis.

Unlike an actual eldritch monster, The Maw is meant to be taken as it is; it is a character rather than a plot device. You describe it as a "deconstruction" of an eldritch abomination, but the problem is that it isn't. Its role in the story is substantially different. If anything. I'd argue the role of this monster is more like a deconstruction of an authoritarian government or a god. Despite how pushy and unreasonably concerned with control it is, The Maw slowly loses its power over this individual until they can bargain with it.

I do not think the fear it feels when it sees this bomb is unjustified. Supernovae are fated to happen; given a star's schematics, you can usually determine whether it will form a supernova. An atomic bomb is not fated at all. Essentially, The Maw is confronted with a hivemind which is slowly gaining the powers which it sees throughout the galaxy, but is able to use them without rhyme or reason.

The only real problem I can find is that it's not finished. Some people have told you "better" stories to write, but those aren't even ideas; they're fetch quests at best. I'd add something more to this story; it seems to be shaping up to be a torture porn in which an omnipotent being gains a respect for humans as cogs in a great hivemind. That's not the best story, but it's better than nothing.

What I'd recommend adding is an in-universe answer to the questions, "What did you do before coming to the Earth and its galaxy?" and maybe, "Why are you afraid of a nuclear bomb when there are far more powerful explosions?" Thank you for this.

The story is actually going to explore themes of what it means to be human and why the Maw is what it is. It's - at best - a child so insecure about itself it feels a need to be a god. The torture part is also deconstructed in that the Maw does that solely because it wants power over humans who, as it saw, could wipe out so many in an instant. The Maw doesn't have the same power and is both awed and terrified by it. So, when it gets its...teeth, I guess, into a person, it tortures them just so it can feel strong and secure. It spent who knows how many years alone, by itself, and that has affected it deeply. Not that it in any way justifies what it does.

The narrator learns to stand up against it and tries to, somehow, learn what the Maw is, while also teaching it what it means to be human.

Then we come to Anton Crowley who is...he scares the shit out of me, to be honest. I have no clue what Anton is, where he came from, why he's in the story yet feels like he should be, but he's still far worse than the Maw. Because, whenever I ask myself who or what Anton is, I come to the same question: what is evil?

Anton's just there, really, this...I'd say thing, but there's the off chance he might be human, but again, I am not sure if he is.

The guy is just such a complete enigma that I am actually scared of him. Because I know he is capable of much worse than the Maw but here's the thing: he doesn't have a motive. Not even sadism. When Anton does something depraved, he barely even gives it any thought and forgets about it soon afterwards.

I fully intend to give him another appearance in this story and have him show up in others as well.