Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30660757-20161202185531/@comment-28266772-20161205150641

Long ago, about 25 years ago, [you don’t need to state the time twice; long ago/25 years ago – pick one] we were walking home from school on a bright sunny day during summer, '[hot, beautiful; not a sentence. You can’t just string words after a comma like this.]' hot, beautiful. My sister was happy it was Friday. I was pretty excited too. Once we got home, we talked for awhile [a while]. Lydia told me she felt very sick and light headed. I told her to go lay down, but she refused. She then walked to the bathroom. After 5 [five] minutes, I herd [heard] a long screech. I ran into the bathroom, and that's when [what?] happened. Her [whose face?] face was grey with blood everywhere. It looked like she was crying, but I don't know why '[you don’t know why it looked like she was crying? Or you don’t know why she was crying?]'. She stared at me, with black, cold eyes. I started to laugh. I don't know why, there was nothing to laugh about. I couldn't control it. Blood slowly came out of my mouth. My lungs burst as I layed [lay] there,laughing,as [spacing] she ran out of the bathroom,screeching. [spacing] I stoped [stopped] laughing, and stood up shaking. I slowly searched the house to see if the beast she became [became] was anywhere. Nothing. And now, I live in paranoia, [after your lungs burst?] for the rest of my life.

They say that Lydia lives in people's showers. You will know if she's there because you can hear light crying. She'll then look at you, making you laugh until your lungs burst.

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Mechanical issues – enough to kill an elephant. You didn’t really address any of the issues Empy raised. You need to spell things correctly, and use punctuation properly. You also need to format a story. On the wikia that means NOT using an indent.

Style issues – there is no attempt to create atmosphere. No attempt to create fear. You just state what happens with no imaginative language or creativity.

Plot issues – There is no plot. Just a series of events with no relation one another.

Recommendation? You need to start from the beginning. You need to read ALL of the guides on this wikia. You need to real ALL of the suggested pastas. You need to go elsewhere and read EVERY available guide on writing. You need to read lots and lots of books and you need to practice writing for years and years to come.

Also I don’t know why you told me to stop cussing because I’ve not yet sworn on this thread but I cunt really help it.

Edit: Right before this thread snowballs let me outline a few other things. One: We owe you nothing and are not obligated to treat you nicely. Nonetheless we treat everyone here with respect and encourage them to try their hardest. But we are entitled to our opinions and we all encourage one another to share them. Do not post your story if you do not want honest feedback.

Two: Writing is hard. Stupidly hard. It will take work. We can guide and help you but the honest truth is most people will never become writers (even moderately okayish amateur writers) because it requires so much work and commitment to become even slightly okay. Everyone here wants you to be a good writer but that means YOU need to put the time in. Please don’t respond negatively when we offer you feedback.

Three: No one is here to judge you or shit on you. Everyone starts somewhere. It’s not nice to post a story and get negative feedback but it happens to everyone. We all appreciate that it can be hard but, once again, please bear in mind that when we offer negative feedback it is without judgement and only to offer you the best opportunities to improve.