Talk:Indigo Falls/@comment-26054278-20150905210027

I think this story would have worked a lot better if "The Undertaker's Cottage" section wasn't there. That isn't of much fault to the author (although I don't think it is a very good part of the story either, but it is decent enough), the main problem is that it doesn't tie into anything. It doesn't introduce any characters, I didn't notice it get mentioned again by anybody, and that was all. I thought maybe the results of the experiment (immortality being achieved? Pretty big deal.) would have added into something, but that wasn't discussed either.

Everything else I thought was done very well. Other than that one gripe, I found the rest of this quite good.