Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-3580198-20140825063731/@comment-24859608-20140831023307

Godzilladude123 wrote: Thanks for the reply sir and I'm sorry if I made myself look impatient but I've fixed some problems. If there's anything else please tell me :) Umm, some akward wording, nothing too much, umm I like that you took out the 'Day1' incident where you repeated in your thesis...However, you should start day 1 where you actually START the experiment...

"Xenophobic" doesn't work there, does it? Xenophobia is the fear of people from other countries, I kind of skimmed through it, so don't know if it leads up here..

The whole 'Your a pussy thing' is way over blown...Anyone in the situation your protagonist dealt with would have been terryfied out of their mind, make the other characters seem unrealistic or sociopathic, which you did either A. a bad job of coming up with your characters B. Or you did a bad job showing the characters where unphased(If this was intentional)...

The way you present your story is better, but it's not scary or creepy. It doesn't give me the urge to turn around, or not go to sleep. More of an urge to justread this and see if anything important is gonna happen...The ending was absolutely tragic, and the gore and way you laid out everything from the corpse to the suicide, I feel like people want something unnerving, not depressing.

May you review my new pasta pls http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Reality_Check_-_Fear_Eradication