Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27110353-20151024031334/@comment-26399604-20151025041024

Hi TheTD,

Initially, the format of your story is a big red flag. Break up your story into paragraphs away from the huge blocks of words you have now. Presentation is one of the first things to catch a reader's eye. Right now your story is too condensed and a little hard on the eyes.

Secondly, the last sentence I believe has been indented too many times so it reflects as a scroll text. If you fix these initial mishaps then it would allow for people to read your story with ease and focus more on the content.

I hope this helps. Fix that first then proper critique can be applied to your story.