Talk:"Rats"/@comment-24040907-20150110094011

Now this is how you write a Creepypasta.

The story was short and to-the-point. You built up the characters with witty, natural dialogue that made the protagonist's family seem very real, and very relatable. The setting was easy to step into. I could picture everything in my head vividly, despite a lack of lengthy description.

But oh, when you described the creature, that was really something special. I pictured this grotesque combination of Slenderman, Thump, and Gollum all weird and naked, uncoiling its limbs and rising to its full height. It's face, still obscured in darkness, disappears from the camera view. Then suddenly, it bends down so its head is right in front of the camera. A sick smile forms on its face.

Now granted, I am aware that the monster was a little further back, but still; that's some quality terror right there. If this were a movie, that part would make audience members spill their popcorn in fright.

In my honest opinion, I was prepared for the story to end at the discovery of the T-shirt. That cliffhanger ending would've kept the audience guessing. I like the extension better, though, as the monster being revealed is more satisfying/nightmare inducing.

I also liked that you included a classic Creepypasta Twist. A long time ago, before Creepypasta Wiki, the pioneer Creepypastas had a certain twist ending to them, unlike any other form of literature. These twists wouldn't freeze your blood, like normal twists, they'd freeze your entire heart. It made Pastas unique, it made them special. You've revived that twist very nicely here. It takes me back to the good ol' days xD

And, as a bonus, there were virtually no grammatical/spelling errors in the story!

I'd rate it at 7.6/10