Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-12343352-20150131221940/@comment-28938497-20150131235526

Okay, here's a breakdown;

-Please, please, please! Keep the tense of the story consistent.

-What boy? Why is having batteries or not having batteries worth mentioning? What's so scary about a price tag? This story wasn't put together amazingly, but the first paragraph is such a mess, that I couldn't write a wose intro even if I was trying to write a bad intro. Even vague stories that leave plenty to the imagination establish some sort of bedrock, usually a fleshed out character, or a vivid, atmospheric setting.

-Wait, did it destroy the other furbies, and the kid's whole family in the same night? If so, why bother mentioning the other furbies? If he discovers them first, why not say so, and create a little buildup as the creeped out boy finds his famiy's bodies. If not, then you also have a chance for buildup as each night, the furby gets bolder in its nocturnal activities, and the boy gets more paranoid.

-The boy has a furby that kills everything in its path (except him), the box didn't stop it, taking the batteries out didn't stop it. Why did ther boy then decide to go on a date with his girlfriend?

-"Someone who is good at robotics". Yeah, every 9th grade class has a nerdy kid who hasn't even graduated from high school and still holds an honors degree in electronics, or science teachers who go looking in the bins for discarded toys that the pupils really should have grown out of by now.

-Was the ending some kind of attempt at a hook? Or did you not even actually finish the story?

I'm not going to lie and say I can see any potential in this story, or any potential in you as a writer from the example of this story. All I will say is that if you are sticking to this path, you have a very, very long way to go.