Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31007883-20170110091856/@comment-27012445-20170112051550

This story could use a bit more work. There are some grammar and spelling issues you can find yourself. As for the story itself, the conversations seemed unnatural and forced. The Doctor doesn't sound like a medical professional, and the mother doesn't sound like a concerned parent. It, unfortunately, comes across as a poorly translated anime.

When we get to the narrator and the diary, things get a little bit better but still doesn't quite sound natural and doesn't work too well (I don't know any kids who scrutinize one another for who is five feet or not) and then a lot of nothing happens.

Now I will be the first to admit I am guilty of breaking my stories into a part one or two but you need to end the story at a point that makes sense. To adequately review and provides assistance we need to know what is the story you are trying to tell. In this state, it is awkwardly worded and not really interesting. You have a decent rough draft; it just more work.