User blog comment:Love Me Cruelly/What? Oh, and Hi./@comment-24040907-20140928023703/@comment-24040907-20141006060626

Your words relax me and subtly encourage me to open up to things that I probably wouldn't otherwise. Kind of like a good Tequila. And since you've made me comfortable about it, I shall spin you another yarn! This time about a girl named Char.

My heart was once taken captive by the sneakiest little ninja girl I ever did see. She made me feel loved in a world where friendship was scarce. I suppose it was either her jovial, childish view of the world or her fanatical romantic nature that charmed me so.

We quickly developed one of those cute sitcom relationships. Puppy love. I love you, no I love you more, no I love you more. You hang up, no you hang up, no you hang up. We never really talked about anything other than love and music. Looking back, I don't think her tiny brain could've handled the amount of depth you and I share in our conversations. So everything was pretty straightforward.

Our friends hated eachother. Her girlfriends hated me. My guyfriends didn't trust her. It was the ultimate battle between the gals and the fellas. There were lots of lies, rumors, and gossip surrounding our relationship. I hate to admit it; but I almost miss all the drama.

What I don't miss is her anger, her blind aggression, and the way she preferred shouting matches over mature conversations. We actually unofficially broke up seven times over the course of seven months before we ultimately separated.

I decided that my final goodbye should be in the medium I feel most capable in. I detailed my apologies and my final thoughts to her in a long letter. The letter was secretly 50% sarcasm, as I'd call her out on her idiocy by "apologizing" for things she did. It was a beautiful form of closure. My friends and family cheered for me when I sent it. My brother (who was ecstatic that I was doing this) sang me the chorus to "In the arms of an angel". I haven't interacted with my ex since then.

I've written tons of comedy articles poking fun at her, but if I ever do write a full on autobiography about the breakup, may I have permission to use "Is not the idea of having your love turned on you an unfortunate idea?" as the tagline? Pretty please!

I read this poem once called Ode to a Grecian Urn. It's about a guy who has to leave his young love to pursue his life, yet he continues to remember his lover exactly the way he left her. Even though she moved on and grew up, he still imagines her as a beautiful young woman even until his death. His ashes are then put into a Grecian Urn emblazoned with a picture of her on it, symbolizing his eternal image of her.

What do you think about that? Even though Char is very different now, and will one day have a family of her own, I'll still remember her the way she was when I sent that letter. Have you ever gone through anything like that? I don't know what I'd do if I met her again, and see her changed. I did recently see a picture with her in it; she's become a complete "Goth" girl, with chains around her neck, black eyeshadow, and probably a few tatoos. Unrecognizable, definitely not the face on my Grecian Urn.

And if I haven't bored you to sleep by this point I'd like to thank you kindly for being such a good listener, and a good friend.