User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Janes:Demise

Some people really need to use spell check. Scratch that, a lot of people need to use spell check. Actually, scratch that, since a lot of people need to never write, ever, because they’re clearly not good at it. I’m pretty sure they’re good at other things though, like…ummmm…is breathing something that one can be good at? Anyway, why am I bringing this up? Because the writer of the story I’m going to Riff, “Janes:Revenge” clearly is one of those people. I mean seriously, look at the title. Even that’s grammatically incorrect. Granted, it’s not as bad as, say, “The Build-A-Bear Massacer”, but it’s still pretty bad. And the story is written even more terribly written. Don’t believe me? Well, let’s Riff this bitch so I can prove it to you.

(Note: I put periods in front of some of the asterisks so that they wouldn’t become square bullet points. Because apparently if something is bracketed by two asterisks with nothing in front of the first asterisk, then that happens. Other than that, I haven’t altered the story in any ways except for adding the Riff text.)

Jane:I hated Jeff after what he did to my parents everything.

I hate Jeff because he’s kind of a crappy character, but hey, to each their own.

Now i will have my Revenge.

.*Scene moves to a vally where Jane is*

.* Jeff Sees Jane and tries to kill her*

(Narrator): *Author is confused about how scripts work*

Jeff:(laughing) Now now You need to Go t-

Jane:*Gunshots*

The proper response to anything Jeff says.

Jeff:*Bleeding from Leg* *Groans* I know you i know you; you Fucking Bitch!

Jane:Ever since you took my life i turned to bloodlust to kill i killed my victims i imagine them as you. You were my life i left school i left everything to kill you

Jeff:*laughs* you're wasting you're fucking time.

Jeff just described this story perfectly.

Jane:Am i? tonight you will die you will no longer live you will see everything black you'll be suffering down there.

(Jeff): Down where?

(Jane): Florida.

(Jeff): NOOOOOO!

As there The Real Source of evil is Destruction, Psycotic, Anger. Pain.

Jeff:(laughs) Even if i die everyone willl remeber me ill be kids worst nightmare.

Jeff, you flatter yourself.

Jane:Haven't you heard i'm Jane the Killer i clean up mess like you.

Jeff:What are you doing?

Jane:Seeing an Human Being dieing.

.*Jane shoots Jeffs leg again*

.*Jane leaving Jeff to bleed to death*

Jeff:*Groan* I'm not human

(Jeff): I'm a poorly written Creepypasta character!

i'm a phsychopath;I'm Kids Worst Nightmare!

Jane:Yeah so many people are so grateful to be alive well not you not anymore Sleep Well Jeff

Jeff:No...NO you can't do this you can't!

Jane:Yes i can bye Jeff.

Jane is having none of your wanting to live bullshit.

Jeff:NOOOOOOO!!!! -Author:TheMikeGames

TheMikeGames, please never write again. Ever.

END RIFF

This story sucks. I think the author tried writing this story like a script, but failed miserably. It doesn’t work very well as a script, and it’s pretty clear the author wrote it that way out of laziness. Then again, I suppose it’s better it was written in a script format. Last thing we need is for this guy to try and fail to describe events. Another problem with this little tale is the spelling. I think it’s as bad as “White the Killer”, a story so poorly written that it was hard to understand what was happening. Now, as for the plot, it’s basically nonexistent. Jeff sees Jane, tries to kill her, but Jane kills Jeff. That being said, the way she did it, while anticlimactic, is actually pretty logical and kind of funny. Seriously, if you saw Jeff the Killer, you’d probably shoot him. Unless you’re one of those people who thinks he’s hot. Anyway, all in all, this story sucks.

So, what do you guys think? Is the story good? Is my Riff good? Do you wish Jane the Killer would shoot me to death? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!