Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27875260-20160227024715/@comment-26425680-20160227171157

Creepypasta poetry is a difficult thing, I think mostly because people come here expecting more straightforward narratives, so they're going to be harder on anything that doesn't fit into that mold. That said, I didn't dislike this, but I don't really know if it has enough of a hook to really grab the readers and suck them in. Thankfully, you paid attention to your grammar and spelling, so that puts you ahead 85% of the other people who post here. There were a couple of lines that didn't really make sense to me:

I'm not quite sure what you were getting at there.
 * "All you're to know now?"

The voice is the one wishing for mercy? Did I miss something? Maybe you were trying to add another level of complexity to your poem, but if so, I missed it.
 * You're but my voice in my mind, wishing for mercy upon fools."