Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27443491-20151221164621/@comment-27448044-20151222054200

Are these your first drafts? It seems a little... improvised. Your plot in the first is a little rushed and seems to be too closed-minded for a child narrator. Children aren't quite that straight-forward, they see the world in a simplistic light. There is no logic or sense, things are the way they are because that's just how it is. They are also very imaginative as far as observing their surroundings. No detail is too small to arouse curiosity. Try thinking with pure ignorance and overactive intuition.

As far as the second, it's okay. There are several like it, as far as plot goes. It's labeled as a "scary" story, so the supposed plot "twist" doesn't shock the audience at all. Develop the narrator's character some more, let him/her guide the reader on a journey through his/her mind and thoughts as they pursued their love interest. Convey strong and motivating emotions like desire, hate, jealousy, etc. with words that express what part of their mind sees love in such a twisted light with thoughts that shroud the reader in the darkness of the narrator's soul and make them tingle as they read each spine-chilling word.

Don't cling to fads like "the child whose not-so-imaginary friend kills everyone" and "psycho kills girl that doesn't return his/her love", branch out. Make this creepypasta  your  creepypasta. Oh, and don't get angry over constructive criticism. It's not hate, it's advice. Put your big kid panties on and check yourself before you wreck yourself.