Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25973674-20150105234631/@comment-25941663-20150106203721

As Sourcecode01 said, grammar is an issue with this story. The same goes with your phrasing. Your story had no flow and reading was difficult.

Aside from technical issues, I have to say that I didn't like the story. The idea just wasn't engaging. It was bland and uninspiring. The characters were also a letdown. You didn't give us any information about them. Just names. The same goes with the main character. We have nothing to make us sympathise with them.

Furthermore, your characters' decisions don't make sense. How can you sleep after you have seen a monster inside your camp? And how the main character (who didn't sleep) didn't hear the monster wreaking havoc around the camp?

Overally, your story felt rushed and unfinished. The plot is uninteresting and ridden with holes. If you really want this idea accepted, you have to rewrite and edit almost everything (in my opinion).

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I hope that my harsh (but honest) review doesn't dissappoint you too much. Everyone needs to start somewhere. By having the courage to finish a story you have already taken the first step. If you were to take my advise (although I am not a writer myself) I would say this: Practise, practise, practise.

Happy writing!