Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27611654-20160726180526

I recently wrote a new pasta in the format of a poem and I was hoping someone could help me identify possible cliches or plotholes in the story, as well as help with the rhyming.

Richard lit himself on fire I saw him do it myself I understood why he tired Of the World's obsession with self

All alone His parents were dead The boys at home They messed with his head

A bowl always filled with air He felt that this was not fair As he was begging for charity This only breached his dignity

His mind Filled with spite and fire He lost His rights to peace to admire

Bruises and scars Every week Never too weak To go way too far

Too many grudges For angels to bear Made the decision To light the match

A shame that he lived He could no more give Patience, sweet patience For a life much more tame

A new low now crashed His face never tame His burn scars then matched His mind filled with flames

The boys at home would call him a monster But their words were no lies, Richard would muster

Richard decided that he could not win Against the monsters at home and in his head Took the shotgun in his cabinet Splattered his brains all over his bed

His funeral short The boys all unpunished I felt there was more To be more unfurnished

Richard came back to my room tonight His burn scars and wounds still fresh His face all contorted with might He told me, "I still need to have my revenge." 