Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30378490-20161031164124/@comment-31532017-20161031172813

I suggest that you break the large paragraphs into smaller parts, otherwise it's gonna be painful for readers. Without further ado.

These words might just be the last traces of me in this world, I(i needs to be capitalized I) ensure (Helps the story flow well) that they convey exactly what I desire them to. The experiences of these (Probably a typo you missed) last few months have been such a strange journey, and now the next phase is about to begin once i finish this last gesture of documentation, more for myself as a purging or release for whomever chooses to gaze upon it.

It was a warm summer night, the road glistening and the air still smelling of the by-then ceased rainfall. I was walking down an unfamiliar street after walking out early of a movie that turned out to be all hype and no actual substance, when a peculiar sight grabbed my attention. Along the mostly deserted street were clusters of shops, and the particular store I was next to displayed a brash pink neon sign, seemingly leftover from the 80's, that said "VHS RENTALS HERE." I almost burst into laughter at the ensuing mental images and the perversity of some "hipsters" opening and operating a VHS-only store in this day and age. Having nothing else to do and feeling pecks of curiosity, I walked inside. The lighting was quite dim, almost nonexistent. There were no decorations on the bare yellowing walls, simply two long shelves in the middle of the room with numerous VHS boxes. There were some gaps in between the boxes indicating a few here and there were out, but many still remained. A quick glance down the aisle revealed them all to be horror, if the grisly covers were any indication of content. The covers were mostly drawings but a few were photographs, and each of the images were disturbingly haunting in its own way. A woman half-naked and screaming, eyes bulging and fingers desperately grasping for a knife mere inches away as a reptilian humanoid oozing translucent goo with long claws and two mouths reached out for her. A man in a pickup truck whose face was contorted into an expression of anguish and repulsed fear driving away as behind him were a horde of children with glowing eyes, elongated limbs and gnashing sharp teeth, their hungry smiles stained red, seemingly catching up to him. No titles, just a gruesome cover image and one or two stills from the film on the back, from a few I inspected. Being a fan of horror I did not recognized any of the images front or back. Everything inside of me froze as my eyes caught a glimpse of one particular box. The full-color drawing, rendered in the highest detail imaginable, was that of an alien-like structure akin to some sort of gazebo with a long flat table-like surface in the middle covered in blood and organs, as children attempted to flee, the vaguest hint of two terrifying eyes looking down upon it all from the sky. That image captivated and chilled me thoroughly. Before I was even aware of my own actions I had taken this box and walked up to the glass counter. The cashier looked more like a beefy bouncer of a shady nightclub one would never dream of angering.

In general, I see a lot of "i"s instead of "I"s. Break the wall of text into smaller parts. Don't use just/so/that sparingly, use at them at moments where you feel they should be used. I added the word "about" because I'm afraid you might have forgotten to type that. Not to mention, I see some more punctuation and capitalization errors. I suggest proof-checking your story if you haven't.

(Sadly, I don't have enough time to give you an more in-depth review. Hopefully Christian sees this and can provide you with one.)