User blog comment:Tyberzannisultra/I need your opinion!/@comment-5239282-20140413000401/@comment-24040907-20140416033321

Hey! Glad to hear back from you. You've got some really cool new ideas here and they seem really easy to fit into my "rough copy" outline.

First, what you said about taking time during stagnant scenes to describe scenery and internal conflict. The first act literally opens with the protagonist awakening from a nap on his boat in the middle of a quiet river that used to be Main Street. This will be key in describing the scenery of flooded Chicago/New York/Tokyo whichever city I use. I'm sure you probably haven't played Crysis 3, because you say you don't much care for shooters, but there is a level taking place in a flooded city. However, that city was marshy and overgrown with plant life, earning the term "urban jungle". I want my city to be relatively cleaner, and not so overgrown (maybe it's only been flooded for a few months*).

Also, most of the first act and some parts of the journey will be devoted to a theme of melancholy. A view of our protagonist solemnly listening to his mobile record player whilst mindlessly drifting through a massive water channel would be a great time to describe what he's thinking/feeling, eh?

As far as the scene of being trapped and having another monologue/internal conflict; I outlined a scene in which the protagonist enters an office building and gets trapped inside. He at first gives up on trying to escape, but after a change of heart and a good motivation, he pushes himself to ascend to the top floor and leap down into the water below to reach his boat. I'm still planning just What is going to make him change his mind? Will he be visited by God? Will he remember that he's fighting for his only friend and cannot give up?

I really liked the idea of literally putting a manifestation of God herself/himself into the story. I always loved writing about God on earth, because there is literally no limitation on what It can look like or act like. Writing about an Evil God? Aw, this story just got ten times better!

Plus, a manifestation of God mocking our poor protagonist will reinforce the "I'm God, prepare to die" antagonist we want in this story. A fight against God Itself would be the most dreary, captivating plight in recent literature!

However; I want to bring up something related to that. I originally planned to have the ghost of our protagonist's friend stalk him throughout his journey, appear out of the corner of his eye, visit him in his nightmares, and generally just haunt him. But not for no reason; I want her to be a guide rather than a poltergeist. She saves him from his boat crashing by showing him a nearby swamp boat amongst the wreckage. She serves as an omen, appearing just before something bad happens. The thing is; the ghost is kind of neccessary, to prove to the protagonist that there is hope in life after death, giving him reason to sacrifice himself in the end. However, the apparitions of God are neccessary to prove that, yes, God is out to get you >: ) So, I'm going to write a new outline that fits both specters into the story in harmony. It'll be like one spirit is evil and the other represents hope, you know?

And about the Cultists. There is a theory called Stormtrooper Syndrome. Basically it states that if you can dehumanizes something, it makes it a lot easier to make the reader hate them. It's the reason why so many evil armies are composed of hordes upon hordes of faceless warriors. A. The armies of identicle trolls (or whatever they were) in Lord Of The Rings B. Storm troopers from Star Wars C. Pretty much every enemy in every Call of Duty game D. The aliens from Alien

You seem to be expressing concern that I'm going to make more Stormtroopers ; ) You see, I want the cultists to be a militia-like group of marauders that seem to be one step ahead of the protagonist on his journey. Picture this scene: Protagonist is in his new swamp boat sailing smoothly on crystal waters glistening in the moonlight. He glides between two skyscrapers when suddenly, just around the corner, he spots the light of a fire. He instinctively kills the engine, coasting to a halt in silence. It's the Cultists. They have made camp on a floating bus. Their boats are loaded with guns. Maybe they're eating the remains of their victims. The protagonist ever so hesitantly rows the boat to the far side of the channel, trying his best to stay out of sight. He is so focused on that one group of cultists that he never spots three armed cultists camping in a balcony that he's sailing right by. They spot him, and all guns are aimed at our protagonist's head!

That is part of the suspense I would like to capture, and I think having the Cultists be a somewhat-large militia would make them a formidable opponent. Not only that, but while our protagonist spies on them, I'll have a chance to describe their behavior, motives, and insanity. So that's the only thing I might have to disagree on. But I do see your point and I'm glad you made it, otherwise I would've accidentally made a whole bunch of Stormtroopers XD

Last note on the story: I don't usually write extensive gore but I've noticed that you're REALLY good at graphic scenes/ monsters. In the scene where he moves up the floors to the roof of the office building. There could still be some surviving people in this dark, cramped building. I was thinking that the building could've caught fire, and the protagonist could encounter the remains of someone that caught fire and (creepy) fused themselves to the floor from the waist up. This charred mockery of a human would still be alive, although too far gone to help, and gives the protagonist a moment of "I want to save you but I can't!" A put-me-out-of-my-misery moment? What do you think? Stupid, cheesy? I really want this office scene to be a house of horrors, and I'd love to hear some of your ideas on it.

Trivial note, it turns out that you're only one hour ahead of me, as I am living in the Central Time Zone to the west of you. This collaboration is really enjoyable. By the way, if you felt like it I could give you my email adress or you could give me yours so that it'd be easier to communicate. Just a suggestion. By the way, I'm not familiar with SMT. What's it about?

Thanks for all the help thus far; this story is going to turn out great with us behind the wheel!