Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27123781-20151026212944/@comment-25170312-20151028045410

There a few things I noticed:

“This is the only way out” I muttered my words forming a long low moan. You need a comma before the ending quotes and another one after "I muttered". I might have missed that last time.

I understood now that if I gave the young beast time a chance it would alert the larger one. "time a chance" doesn't make sense. Is "time" in there by mistake?

You should also put ?! after the father shouting "What happened", and change "The" to "the" in the last sentence. I think I missed that last time as well.

Now, I noticed on your talk page that you had a pasta deleted 2 days ago. Was it this one? It made me realize that you might want to break up the paragraphs a bit more and start a new paragraph whenever there is dialogue from the narrator. And don't have 2 lines between paragraphs, only one. I didn't touch on any of that last time but it all dawned on me when I saw you had a pasta deleted.

Oh, and that divider obviously didn't work, lol. I'm not sure how other people would do it but I know there are pastas that put a divider between things. I would say to use a white line but I think that would be overdoing it. Maybe just do what I said not to do and put 2 lines before that paragraph. Hopefully with all the changes it will be accepted, unless that was a totally different pasta. Either way, good luck!