Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24897366-20160213221137/@comment-27831124-20160220060148

The idea behind the story is great but I think you need to look at writing concepts like "show, don't tell" and "write in an active not a passive voice." You also need to spell-check and proof-read." Look at this paragraph which I pasted:

I walk over to you and I don't see anyone at the counter, but you have money in your had anyways. You alway were a little odd with your paying methods. I take a stroll over, and end up stopping behind you.

You've written "had" instead of "hand" (which a spell-check would not pick up because they are both proper words.) and "alway" is missing the "s."

"little" modifies "odd" and makes it sound less powerful. "You always were odd with the way that you pay."

"I take a stroll over, and end up stopping behind you" would be tighter as "I stroll over, and stop behind you."

"polaroid camera" should be "Polaroid" camera.

As I said, it's a great idea for  a story, but perhaps read it out aloud, and look for bits that don't sound right, or you stumble over the words, and check every word to see if you really need it.

Dave