Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36530255-20181207204647/@comment-36393004-20181207211227

Ok, I took the time to do a complete breakdown of this story:

"Charles wood periodically knock at the window to get the figures attention, but it wouldn’t budge."

"wood" should be "would"

"And so, his attention back to the snowflakes."

Should be: "And so, his attention returned to the snowflakes." or "And so, his attention went back to the snowflakes."

"His blood ran cold like winters breezy embrace, and his heart stopped."

Should be: "His blood ran cold like a winters breezy embrance, and his heart stopped."

"Charles’s blinked his eyes dramatically and proceeded to stare out the window."

"Charles's" should be just "Charles"

"He squinted as not to get flakes in his eyes and stared out from his porch. "

Should be: "He squinted as not to get flakes in his eyes and stared out from his porch."

"He rushed back to his log cabin and was in such a panic he almost ran face flat into the mahogany wooden door which unexpectedly closed right in front of him while the wind stuck it."

Should be: "He rushed back to his log cabin in such a panic that he almost ran face flat into the mahogany door, which unexpectedly closed right in front of him when the wind struck it."

(You don't have to say mahogany wood, most people know mahogany is wood.)

"He was shaking violently, using the excuse of the extremely cold weather to expel the fact that in was in a state of great fear."

Should be: "He was shaking violently, using the excuse of the extreme cold to expel the fact that he was in a state of great fear."

"He walked back and forth, back and forth, across his bedroom."

You don't need to repeat "back and forth", the phrase itself means to repeat the action.

"As Charles was about to respond the question of what emergency he was in, he abruptly paused. And he stared out the window."

Those two sentences need to be combined, eliminate the period and lower-case the "A" in and.

"Tom stared out frost tinted window in horror."

Should be: "Tom stared out of the frost tinted window in horror."

"The torment, it was too much. Tom grabbed the rifle resting above his fireplace and stepped outside and into the winter night."

Should be: "The torment was too much. Tom grabbed the rifle that rested above his fireplace and stepped outside into the winter night."

"He would no longer stand the perturbing displayed by whoever it was that was standing outside his house. Yet he didn’t seem to recall an enemy he had made, the one who lost his wife due to being ran over by him. It was an accident, yet not to the man’s wife."

You need to reword all of these sentences, they are awkward and don't make sense. I don't think you are using perturbing properly. He didn't recall an enemy he had made but then in the same sentence you talk about a woman he ran over. This is confusing and contradictory.

"He continued to confront himself night after night after night."

Again, you don't have to repeat "night after night" the phrase itself means it happens again and again.

Plot: Predictable and a bit rushed, confusing at times and not entirely creepy. I would take my basic idea and rewrite it entirely but that is up to you. I would at least correct the mistakes I have pointed out.

Structure: When you jump perspective from Charles, to Tom, then back to Charles within a couple paragraphs it is awkward to read and could confuse someone who was simply reading for enjoyment. Since I was taking a technical stance toward reading it, I slowed down to see what you were trying to do. The idea is not bad but you did not execute this well. When changing characters you need it to be more fluid or it jars the reader, causing them to have to stop and reread their last few sentences to understand what they just read and what has happened. That breaks the immersion you are trying to create.