Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-39380631-20190513192316/@comment-35711173-20190515044825

RedNovaTyrant,

Thank you for expressing my thoughts exactly. This one needs some more filling, and additional tie in to the song and the title would help.

Bloody Spaghetti,

Great diagnosis. Again, right on.

RedNovaTyrant wrote: It feels a bit plain to me.

I know Night Crawler is just about some crazy monster that kills people and eats them, but if it were up to me, I'd adapt it from the song a bit more. You've got a 6000 word limit, make use of it, lengthen it out some more. There's not enough here to creep me out. Not sure how I feel about the creature repeating a line from the song.

You also have some tense-hopping issues; in the second paragraph, you start in present-tense, but then jump to past-tense.

Keep at it, and best of luck in the contest.