The Lord's Prayer Ritual



The vastness of space. The unexplored depths of the ocean. So hostile, so cold, and so dark are these places; yet, such wonders they hold. Countless new discoveries are waiting to shock, surprise and jar our understanding of the world we live in and test the limits of our imagination and to satiate our appetites for knowledge. Instead, we preoccupy ourselves with the afterlife. We obsess over what happens to us when we die. We ponder where do we go once we take our last breath? Is there something more after death? Does our soul merely abandon the constraints of the flesh, with all your cherished memories and experiences of life still intact or do we simply blink out of existence? Then there is the most profound question to reflect upon, "Am I going to Heaven or Hell?”

Tell me, Child of Eden. Are you one who has lived a life of sin and committed transgressions in such number that it blemishes your soul? Do you question the very possibility of forgiveness even if you were to repent with all your might?

Have you come to the realization that the deity you worship did not come to be from divine intervention, but simply from whatever doctrine that so happens to be dominant in the land of your birth. Consider this, if you had been born across the sea, would you not be praying to another god? How confident are you that you are praying to the right god? Is your confidence greater than those who pray to a rival god? Is the magnitude of your faith any different from them?

What if you have lived a good life, yet never swore allegiance to one god or another. Is that sufficient justification for a loving god to damn your soul to an eternity of torment as some doctrines teach?

How deep do these mysteries vex your waking mind? How deep do you long for these answers? Do such questions eat away at the gray matter of your brain? Do they suckle upon the anxieties and fears that tickle the back of your throat? Well, worry not. You are in good hands and good company, for such inquiries are well known to me.

Come closer, lad. I wish to whisper a secret to you: Are you willing to brave and travel upon the strange and unfamiliar waters for such revelation? What you seek and be found. The answers you desire can be yours. All can be revealed to you—if you are willing to risk all.

What say you? Does your desire to gnaw at you with want? Does a fire still burn in your heart to know, with assurance, if it is a Heavenly reward awaits you in the afterlife or an eternity of fire and brimstone?

Yes? Good.

It begins with water. Water is the medium in which your mind will use to enter the hidden realm and give you an audience before the one you seek. Such a wondrous thing water is, it exists as liquid and hardens to ice. It falls from the sky and floats on the currents of the air. It gently soothes the burns received from the sun's fiery kiss and powerful enough to carve canyons through the rocks of the mightiest mountains. Such a wondrous thing this water is.

We begin by drawing yourself a bath at a temperature you find soothing and relaxing. To ease your transition into the other realm, baptize the water with the follow items. The essence of rose hip cultivated from the first bulbs of spring. Sea salt from waves that crash under a new moon's shadow. Pedals from the fragile Sun Opener flower, wilted and fermented under the rays of the sun for one full rotation. Lastly, stems and leaves of the Blue Lotus flower, ground and infused with virgin oil blessed by a holy man of any doctrine or belief.

Now, in the days of old many concoctions and elixirs were used of questionable quality and effectiveness with unpredictable and undesirable results. To pass through the portal, you must alter your mind. You must dull and sedate your senses. Sadly, most of those attempts ended with an undesirable result—a body, dead and submerged under water. Well, look on the bright side, at least the water had a pleasant aroma to it. Who could ask for a better grave?

Now in this modern world, such things are no longer a challenge. Easy to obtain and conventional pharmaceuticals are easily found and obtainable enable you to reach these states of mind and perception with ease. Take Ambien for example. Since its arrival, many have I guided into the very place you seek to go. Ah Ambien, such an innovative and glorious creation. Ambien, fast and effective with none of the unpleasantness and grogginess one encounters from the potions of old. Who wants to return from an inter-dimensional realm suffering from a hangover and not be of clear mind?

Take six of the pills and swallow them whole.

Extinguish all sources of light in the room and remove your clothing. As you entered the world naked, so shall it be now to reach your destination. Lay down in the water.

A simple child's prayer shall serve as your incantation. Speak these words with me and the ritual will begin.


 * Now I lay me down to sleep
 * I pray the Lord, my soul to keep
 * If I die before I wake
 * I pray the Lord my soul to take.


 * I lay down to enter sleep,
 * I pray Lord, my soul to keep.
 * Hide me from thy angels in the night,
 * And keep me safe from their wicked sight.


 * Lord, I lay down to go to sleep,
 * Lord, I pray to you my soul to keep,
 * If thy angels see me this very night,
 * Please, Please, Please,
 * Keep me safe till morning's light.


 * I laid myself down to sleep,
 * I prayed to you Lord, my soul to keep.
 * If thy Angels come for me this midnight,
 * Please wake me before they can steal my light.

Minutes will feel like seconds. Seconds will slow to a crawl. Time has lost of sense and meaning. As you speak each verse you go deeper into a dream state. Time will pass, and the water will cool, slowly lowering your body's temperature. Awareness gradually returns and your mind begins to clear— you realize you are no longer in your tub.

The chamber is large and in complete darkness except for a bright light that shines above you. You are unable walls or ceiling tops, only endless water disappearing in the distance. The waters is waist deep and deathly still; no ripples or movement disturbs the surface of the water.

Soon, from out of the darkness, you will hear something emerge from underneath. The sounds are distorted within this chamber; you are unable to discern from which direction it comes from or if there is more than one body rising from beneath the surface.

Now, one of two things may happen. One, Whatever watches you hidden in the darkness will carefully study you. After some time, you will hear a deep sigh and it will slowly lower itself beneath the water's surface and be gone. You are free to stay here as long as you will, although I would recommend a hasty departure at this point. Begin willing yourself to awaken from your sleep state. Enough time in the real world has passed for the chemicals to work their way out of your system. Awaken so that you may complete the ritual.

The sigh you heard reveals your fate is undetermined, and your free will is intact to do good or evil. The fate of your soul has not been written. Understand this, no mortal is guaranteed entry into the gates of paradise for such things cannot be known. The Gods can be very picky in granting admission to such places, no matter what you choose to call it—Heaven, Shangri-La, Valhalla, the Elysium Fields.

Now, if no sigh comes out from the distance, there will be a deep silence. Suddenly, violent splashing shatters the silence. Something is charging toward you. It is running full speed at you and feverishly scrambles to reach you in a blind rage. Again, the echoes of the sounds make it impossible to determine in which direction it approaches you and how many bear down on you.

It is now time to will yourself awake. Take command of your senses and your consciousness. You have the answer you sought. It has caught the scent of the stench of your rotting soul and has determined that all paths available to you lead to damnation. If you value what life you have left to live, rouse yourself from sleep.

If you can pull yourself out of the sleeping realm, you will find yourself in your familiar bathroom in the tub full of water. The water is now cold and frigid. Your body is cramped and weak from sitting in the chilly water for all this time. Use whatever strength your fear has given you and pull yourself out of the water quickly for the portal is still open and you are not free from peril. Remove the drain plug immediately to release the water and collapse the doorway. This is why a clear mind and your full mental faculty is imperative. For if you take too much time, you will see movement under the water, do not go near the water or put your hands underneath the surface. You were not quick enough. It is now too late. All that can be done is delay its approach by finishing the incantation and ending the ritual.

If you were quick in action and closed the portal in time, live your life as you would. Do what you will with the knowledge you gained, but consider this—just like the entry into Paradise is not guaranteed, perhaps the same can be said about Hell.

If you were too slow to close the doorway, enjoy what few days that remain for you. Appreciate what life has offered you for very soon the beast will return. It will approach you with the stealth of a serpent. It will rip your soul from your flesh and drag you screaming until you pass forever through the gates of Hell.

The final step regardless of what you heard and saw is to finish your incantation. Like all prayers, you must end your plea with this single word,


 * "Amen."