Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24169760-20171229214014/@comment-31708656-20180103025620

First off, fix the grammar. I wont focus on that because its already been said. However, you need to fix the flow of the story. It almost feels like a checklist. Kid is abused, kid gets revenge, kid is in asylum (not called that anymore but whatever) then the story end abrubtly. It also has no real punch to it. The most we get is that Jack's father just calls him mean names and Jack is his "slave." The satanism part doesnt add anything to the story. Also, I dont know how Jack would be considered for the electric chair, as he is a minor.

Just a word of advice, ditch Jack's title and all that. Its cliche and people wont take your story seriously. All in all, keep writing and keep improving. This story can become good, it just needs some work and effort.