Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28060931-20170205195307/@comment-31532017-20170209011433

Noting/Writing down as I move along. Pretty sure that being born into a family which is destined to forever have cancer itself, could be considered as, bad luck. Second paragraph in, and I'm already spotting several repetitions, like (Tar) that could've been easily swapped for with better words like, (Sticky Substance).

How could've you known, the physical appearance of person in general; just by hearing her voice? Not to mention, the scenario reeks of bullshit contrived storytelling. At least, why didn't he called them out to inform them that he was in the bathroom. Unless that person was born a retard, that wasn't even bad luck at all; that's what we call sheer stupidity.

Pretty Huge Dicks? What am I guessing here? At this point, I would really like to stop myself from indulging further into your pasta. No offense, but where's the creepy factor here? It's basically just torture porn at this point. I can't even laugh at any of these jokes either; if you're trying to pass how the protagonist is an idiot & that causes his extreme cases of bad luck, then tough luck; it's quite difficult to pull off.

Dark humor is not something that can be easily expressed alone by a person in general. Check out any dark humor posts from other websites; what do they all have in common? They all would usually include a picture/post about somebody/something else & the person who posted it, would made a joke about them. (Insulting & berating others is how you get dark humor to work.) But here, you have the protagonist describing his own issues instead, a major red flag already.

Oh god? How the fuck would a sane person be turned on by that and how the fuck did he fall- IT'S TIME TO STOP! Sorry, but I really can't bring it in me to finish this; it was alright at the beginning but it spiral downhill afterwards. You can't make those scenes feel too forced, otherwise it's gonna fall flat in front of the reader's face.

Only the 1st one can be spared from that, but you never expended too much about it. In fact, why didn't you?! Ugh, you really need to re-plan those scenes out because at this rate; you'll won't make it far into the contest.