Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25220801-20140724171616/@comment-25220801-20140724220233

Thanks for both the comments.

Yes, something in the dialogue jars a bit with me as well, but I can't seem to put my finger on it.

The Detective bit though is a deliberate swerve. I was hoping the reader would be focused on the husband/wife relationship, expecting her to be the 'monster', then the story suddenly shifts from being the supernatural horror they expect to just a man with a screw loose. The scene has abruptly moved from a bedroom to a morgue in the space of two sentences and the 'monster' with it.

On the other point, yeah, I have a small addiction for ellipsis ('...'), but I'm in therapy for it. ;)