Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36070549-20200102061635/@comment-44778745-20200103005710

The biggest thing id say is that near the end when you write about nothingness it sounds like dying in nothingness makes you a god.

Rather id say something like "...you will not exist. Thankfully that is not your fate. Having made it to the grayside, you have succeeded and should no longer fear death or mortality. This place is known..."

Besides that there were a few grammatical errors but nothing that really threw me out of the story. Id give it another quick once over just to look out for confusing sentences like that.