Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29791712-20150517061055/@comment-29791712-20150517140303

Resident DeVir wrote: I think it's well-written, and that you do a good job at showing instead of telling.

I noticed two bits of awkward phrasing: "The people inside the car consisted of two couples." You could just say: "In the car, there were two couples."

The other bit is: "...and it is reported to have never been spotted." I don't follow. Who would report not having spotted it?

You also refer to Hell as 'he' and 'it' interchangeably. One is sufficient.

Anyway, it is very fine. It has the 80's slasher vibe, I think. Thank you for the review. Yeah, when I revised the story, I noticed that I used "it" and "he" at the same time to refer to Hell. When I revised it I tried to get rid of all the "he" in it, since I wanted the demon to just be an it. But I guess I missed a few moments. Thank you for telling me this.