Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34824034-20180226023657/@comment-28266772-20180228172024

So first off you need to find a way to insert the beginner info into the story. You then need to format it so it's a little easier to read. You need to explain why these guys talk like they've known each other when, in reality, you make it sound like they just started to speak. You need to give the story a bit more meat as well. Nothing actually happens, not really. So it would help to have stuff actually happen.

Also the ending ruins the tone. If you want something to seem scary you can't have it end on the words "you stinky cunt". It just shatters any sense of mood. Do you want people to be afraid, or to burst out laughing?