Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24841494-20140320153917/@comment-24841494-20140331165513

Mystreve wrote: The lady took a small rusty and bent needle, filled with a clear viscous fluid, and injected it into the vine on his right arm.

Both examples can be found in this sentence. First, I think you meant "vein" not "vine". Second, you could have made the sentence cleaner with better comma placement i.e. -

"The lady took a small, rusty and bent needle filled with a clear, viscous fluid, and injected it into the vein of his right arm."

See the difference? Only use commas where they are needed.

Also changed "on" to "of". Believe it or not, yes it is the little things like that that can make or break a story. Of course they do. I have not proofread this yet, this is all the first draft. Also, thanks for the help.