Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25160824-20140814201358/@comment-25226524-20140815010200

Well it's an interesting concept, and it seems pretty original. There are a few minor mistakes such as capitalization and missing commas, but there's one big thing that you may be able to explain to me. He was writing what she was telling him to write, but he was also taking the time to write down the dialogue.

Can you see how this is a bit of a problem? He's either writing the story that she's telling him to, or he's writing down the dialogue as she speaks. It seems unlikely he would be doing both, but I suppose it's possible. Unless he wrote it between the time he finished writing her story and when he was killed.

I'm not very picky about these types of things myself, but this could be a problem if you submit it. I actually really like the story, and have no problem seeing what you were going for. I just feel like you should know that plot holes like this can be a problem once you submit it to the site.

I think if you removed the opening sentence and the other sentence that references the page of a book, it would take care of this problem. I actually think it will add to the story if you remove them.

Also, every time you used the word whispered, there needs to be a comma after it.