Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25913561-20150118101537/@comment-26007602-20150118200943

I'll be rather blunt here: the story's not bad; it's just painfully average. Your spelling and grammar are fine, and your writing style itself has a nice flow to it, but the story just doesn't come across as unique. It's not your fault; the "explaining humanity's fears/the unknown" premise has been done quite a lot, so much that it is over saturated.

You need to find something to make this story stand out from the others. Giving The Unknown a manifestation as some creature is a good start, but I think you should elaborate on their motives a bit more. Why do they stalk us? What is their deeper purpose? What time is coming? Why should I believe you? Hopefully the answer is something better than: "they're evil," or "they feed off humans". I think giving these creatures a purpose would serve well in the story.

Final note: the first two lines rhyme. If that's your intention, cool. If it was unintentional, then I'd change it as it seems rather off.

Hope this was useful!