Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27018401-20150421121313/@comment-27018401-20150428150727

Punkfaye wrote: Is there any way to move the text beside the picture below it? Reading that made me crosseyed.

All my denotations are counted from the photo, as I found no issues preceding it.

Second paragraph after the image is awkward. It should be removed. Just add the sentence 'only to get this response' to the previus sentence.

Third paragraph from photo: Dialogue needs to be in quotations, e.g. "What cat Andy?" Also, no need for a comma after cat in that sentence.

Paragraph four from the photo: This is awkward. Have him ask it. Like, "What do you mean there were no cats." I asked, unbelieveing. "I saw two of them." I had to check for myself, and indee, the cat was gone. [Get what I mean there?]

Paragraph seven: Thing does not need to be in quotes. If you want to ascribe importance then put it in italics.

Paragraph eight, line four: Sounds doesn't need to be in quotes either.

Paragraph ten, line two: There's an extra space between 'of' and 'my'

Paragraph eleven: The line about 'dark energy' is vague and kinda silly. Describe it for us. Did it tingle? Did it make his stomach lurch? Did he feel sick? It was a chill. It made his skin crawl. He felt a presence. he shivered. Understand what I'm saying?

I like the line about hearing the voice. You should do that more. Like maybe when he first saw the cat he heard "Play with me" and just thought it was a kid talking to another. Something like that. Play in that sentence needs to be capitalized.

Paragraph fifteen: Comma after 'it.' I suggest rewritting as 'And tried to live my life nomally."

Paragraph twenty: "I would'ive smacked it around" is bad tensing. It should be like, "I was going to smack it around." Extra space between 'smacked' and 'it.'

Paragraph twenty-two, line one: I would have said "Thinking they might still be around." but this is a personal quibble, and not overly important.

Paragraph twenty-four: Overly dramatic dude. We all knew the cat was going to be gone. Just say, "The plush cat was gone." And maybe add something about how the narrator wasn't surprised.

I like this part a lot actually, because its not just about a stalking object. Its an object that is trying to incorproate itself into his life by killing the competition.

Paragraph twenty-six, line one: Space between between 'event' & 'but.' Cat does not need to be in quotes as we know by now what the narrator is talking about, and we know it's not a cat.

For the last line, and this is purely suggestive, but I would have him hear "Play with me" before he saw the eyes of the cat.

This story was good overall. It reminded me of a Goosebumps story, which I still read to this day. The trope of an object that follows you around is an old one, but it still works because the idea of never being able to escape something really is creepy. Typos and grammar issues aside, this is a fun story. Minus the poor kitty death, but I suppose it had to happen. Wow.....well thank you for taking the time to write such a helpful review!

Your suggestions are indeed useful and i already began correcting the issues that you pointed out.

Also,glad you like it :D