Talk:Faulty Love/@comment-27838637-20180226150546

Coming into this story I didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t yet read any of your stories, and after reading this I’m going to have to make sure I don’t stop here. This was a good read and a well-written story which makes me believe you have plenty more to offer as a writer.

Lyrical Interpretation – 25/25

I have to give full marks here. It’s extremely evident you’ve not only listened to the song but have done your research. You’ve done an exceptional job at building a story around the prompt, and as Helel said, it’s a very believable one. I was worried after the introduction that the whole story would be too on-the-nose for my tastes. After all, I’m here to read a story, not a song. But you managed to subvert this by making the actual story obscure enough throughout that it felt like it’s own work. I can’t really say much else here except; well done!

Horror Factor – 18/25

Unfortunately this was a minor disappointment. Abusive households are scary and not seen enough on this wiki. The thought that your home – your safe-space – is not safe, is quite a terrifying feeling. It feels that later in the story this brand of horror really hits its stride, but you don’t utilize it enough to make any of the horror truly memorable. The thought that this Maxwell was just a ticking time bomb is a great and realistic concept, but I feel like it was underused. The abuse could really have been turned up to make this shocking and scary, but it stops at slapping his infant son unconscious. There seems to be some missed potential here. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad. You have all the right ideas to make this truly terrifying, but it seems you missed your mark.

Entertainment Value – 17/25

This was a slow burn and the story mostly felt intense. The introduction works wonders here as it serves well to grab the readers attention and keep it throughout the story. We know the origins, we know there’s a mystery, and we all want to know what happens. This makes the first half of the actual story much more bearable. There’s not much to keep the reader invested until Max starts becoming increasingly unfaithful, and most of this feels like exposition rather than actual story. I feel like the characters were bland and unlikable for a majority of the story. Mary is an overly forgiving fool and Max is just an asshole. I feel like you could have done a little more to make these characters a bit more engaging, despite the fact that the story relies on their flaws to progress. However these issues seem to pale when the story reaches it’s high point as the abuse starts.

General Quality – 19/25

As I mentioned before my main issue is that a majority of this story felt like exposition. A lot of the information and key points of the story seemed to be glossed over because of this. Mechanically this story was mostly sound save for a few small issues including incorrect punctuation and spelling. I’d suggest you steer away from the use of all capitals in the future as it felt a little overdone in this story. You should be able to convey the anger of a character without having to write their speech in capitals. I also found there to be an abundance of ellipses (…) that seemed to be a little overdone in parts. Overall though, this was a great effort.

Final Score – 79/100