Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44457704-20191120013437/@comment-33719196-20191120024835

First of all, I will say this: This story's grammatical structure is so bad I can barely look at it. Sorry, but it's the truth. I will give you some examples:

"It was a glummy mornig and Mai woke up to the sound of an alram as loud as a hawk she covered her ears and whispered "What the I had it on low..."

I would change it to "It was a glommy morning and Mai woke up to the sound of an alarm as loud as a hawk. She covered her ears and whispered, "What the I had it on low...".

There are even more grammar mistakes as the story goes on. Along with that, the spelling is absolutely horrendous and I most definitely want you to check your spelling.

"She then got up and streched getting ready to go anywere from there she hated life she hated the fact she had to live this life a life of despar her mother and father left her sending her to her aunt and uncle her they both hate her. She knows every mean thing they will call her the scedual is easy to spot.

She walked out of her room and went down the stairs and down into there gorage "Let me see" she looked around she stopped by a motercycel... "this will do" She said as she hopped on it starting it and driveing off deeper into the woods...."

Should be more like (grammar wise):

She then got up and stretched getting ready to go places. She hated life, and she hated the fact she had to live this life. A life of despair as her mother and father left her. Sending her to her aunt and uncle. They both hate her. She knows every mean thing they will call her when they get the chance to do so.

She walked out of her room and went down the stairs and down into there garage.

"Let me see" she said as she looked around she stopped by a motorcycle.

"This will do" she said as she hopped on it starting it and driving off deeper into the woods.

--

Secondly, your plot moves way too fast. Explain why she hated life so much other than her aunt and uncle hating her. Explain why her parents sent her off. Explain as much as you can because I was stumped while reading this. You cannot continuously go through the story without explaining to the reader because thats what we want to hear. What I hear from this is the classic "She hated her life, the end".

Thirdly, this is way too short, even for one part of the entire story. Consider putting more effort into this. Put it into Google docs, notes, anything! Put time and care into pastas.

Unless this story drastically improves in quality, there is no way it can survive on the wiki without deletion.