Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4976667-20150617184026/@comment-4976667-20150618125405

I'm posting an edit I've recently made, it's still got the same style, as I feel I can only get the proper flow with a poetry format. Please tell me what you think.

 Dis and Harmony

 The slight of the mind and quickness of thought had wrought upon my soul

 Terror

 Horror

 Pain

 Every shadow led to shudders, every sound led to dread

 Even the beating of my own heart turned my stomach

 “Soon”

 It was her voice I was truly afraid of

 She’s always there, waiting and playing her music, over and over

 The notes never changed, and her stare, never faltered

 And when she did speak, it was the same thing over and over

 “Soon”

 She had been playing for so long, I had forgotten who was waiting

 For it was I who sent her, and she who had stayed

 “Please,” I begged, “let me sleep”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> She would stop, for a moment, maybe two

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> “Soon”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> She would start playing again

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> “Soon”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> Her voice would become as my own heart as they continue along their melody

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> “Soon”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> It was fruitless, I knew it was. She was never going to stop, until my own end

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> “Soon”

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> I knew what she meant, I knew what she wanted

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> Blood

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> And she would have it

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> With every shrill scream it was quiet

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> With every still corpse, she was smiling

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> With every passing, another member of the choir joins

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> Her song had taken me over, as I had taken her

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> It wasn’t their lost screams I was terrified of

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; line-height: normal;"> Their symphony had soothed me