Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24916603-20140508073919/@comment-9780519-20140508134945

It wasn't scary, or suspenseful. Frankly it was downright laughable. The story starts off by saying that the narrator was walking home from school, then says she's only 4 years old. How is it that this 4 year old knows what a camera is, but doesn't know what one looks like. Plus if her dad was a hunter, which according to this story he was, I doubt he would hide his gun to his kid by saying it's a camera. I think this story was trying to throw everyone off at the end with the whole "mummy fell asleep". But the thing is, we knew it was a gun and we pretty much knew where the story was going. But real dud in the climax came from "mummy falling asleep". Mummy got shot. There would have been blood. The whole angle of this story was that an "innocent" kid witnessed a murder/suicide through her "innocent" eyes. This kid was more oblivious than innoccent.