Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26990009-20190430052216

So.. yeah, this happened. I basically rewrote the plot of Sonic.exe to be more, well, not cliche and bloody as hell. I completely eliminated the evil Sonic, anything about a CD or real people dying, or adding blood and death everywhere. I added SOME disturbing graphic moments, if you can even call my shitty writing graphic. So here you go, another Sonic.exe clone that actually attempted to make the plot better. Give me all the constructive criticism you have and also tell me how much this would function as a replacement for the creepypasta. Keep in mind that this hogwash is unfinished so this isn't the full story. Enjoy my crap.

Sonic.exe rewritten or something

This story about to be told is bizarre. The focus of this story is a man named Peter, a Nintendo fan. He's never played a main series Sonic the Hedgehog game in his life until a week ago; and after the experience, I can assure you he doesn't plan on buying a Sonic game again. It begins a week ago. Peter bought his first Sonic the Hedgehog game that was an actual copy of a real installment in the main series; at least on the outside. It was the last Sonic game in stock at his local Target. It was the only Sonic game in the sea of Mario, Pokemon and a random slew of Crazy Taxi games in the clearance sale area. The cashier was a teenager dressed in all black, and she didn't seem to care about Peter or what he was buying. She just rang it up for him without a word. Peter brought his purchase home and held up his cartridge of Sonic 2. He had a Sega Genesis that his little brother gave him temporary ownership of, before he went off on a trip, so he was excited to pop it in. As Peter looked at the cartridge, something was a bit off about it; it looked used. The sticker had a few tears and pricks in random places, but the sticker itself was extremely bland and less colorful than imagined. Sonic was as bright and colorful as can be though, so he figured somebody must've drawn on it. The guess he kept repeating in his head is that a Sonic fan working there with an old game must've tossed it into the bin after slapping a price tag on it just to get rid of it.

Peter shoved the big piece of plastic into the cartridge slot and turned it on, grabbing his controller. When the game loaded, there was even more things he immediately noticed about the game that were out of place. The whole thing was extremely dull and unsaturated on the title screen, and it felt depressing for him to look at. The sea was a murky color somewhere between gray, blue and green all mixed together. Sonic was sitting there with a wide smile, black pupils just shining with coolness. The sky was also overcast. Peter figured this was probably just the design of a depressing 16-bit game since he, as stated previously, never even played a real Sonic game, so he never knew what the actual thing would look like on a television like his. When he clicked play, there was a save file option; three to be exact. One contained a fox character with two tails, apparently named Tails. The second contained a red character with dreadlocks and boxing gloves named Knuckles. The last save file was of a fat man with a red and yellow costume and a big mustache named Robotnik.

Now the biggest thing that ate at him is that this was a used game. How in the world did somebody throw a used cartridge into a pristine box and get it past the managers? Peter just really didn't wanna get into trouble with the store, so he just decided to keep playing and see where the guy who last used this ended up. He clicked onto the save file with the fox character. There was a flashy text that said “Hill Zone” before it thrust him into a flat, dull area along a coastline with dead and withered palm trees. There was no music whatsoever. The only thing that kept him calm was the slow, quiet sounds of waves sloshing on the surface of the water with the sounds of wind blowing over it. The ambient sounds didn't disturb him, but it was odd for him to hear a game without music. He began moving forward as the ambiance went on in the background. Tails was running through the flat grassy trail as he went forward with his tails spinning behind him. There were flowers spinning and bouncing in the back layer of the trail while he sped on. Something went past Tails and, by instinct, Peter screeched him to a stop, then went back to check what he saw.

What he saw was a cartoon chicken sitting on the ground. Tails couldn't touch or interact with it, but the way it was moving was irritable and erratic, and it had a blank, terrified expression while it freaked out. It's mouth was agape by a few pixels as it let out an ear-splitting buzzing noise that got louder the closer he got. “There was something extremely disturbing about a children's game character yelling, moving, and looking like that.” thought Peter as he immediately turned Tails around and booked it to the right as fast as he could make Tails run. The sounds of the wind cut out abruptly, leaving only the sounds of the ocean and the weird buzzes of the animal behind him. As Tails kept going fast through the grassy plain, more animals appeared. Some were in trees, behind the boundaries of the place he was running, or right next to him. Tails' expression didn't change, thankfully, but the animals were all still buzzing and freaking out as he sped by. When Tails reached the end of the plain, the buzzing cut out as well, leaving only the sounds of the quiet waves in the background. There was only a signpost of Robotnik and Sonic himself standing at the end of the screen. Tails went past the sign and caused it to spin around before ending on a blank side that was behind the picture. Everything from this point on become really bizarre and disturbing, and he remembers it vividly still. Tails began approaching Sonic slowly with no sound whatsoever. Right before he touched Sonic, the game cut out and went to the No Signal screen on the TV. When Peter took a breath, he realized the cartridge was starting to smell like burnt plastic, almost like the hardware was straining to keep the contents of the game going.

Peter figured the game must've overheated from a hardware problem and put it back in the slot once it was cooled down and back to normal. When he turned the game back on, the save file had changed. Tails was now standing underneath the picture of an image of an orange area overgrown with forestry that was on fire and burning violently in the background. He had figured this was just the next zone and the screen cut out before the transition, so he clicked on the file to continue. The level was called "Hide and Seek", which sent a dreadful feeling down Peter's neck. Tails was standing in the midst of the fire and flaming plant life with an uneasy expression, different from his previous flat expression. Peter started moving Tails to the right, and kept going like that for a good two minutes before the blaring noises of the Sonic drowning theme began playing loudly. Fire was slowly catching up to Tails as he was running, slowly grazing the tip of the rotary extensions on his body. Peter could see the cloudy and dark figure of something within the pixelated flames. They moved in a zigzag pattern before they caught up with Tails. He began crying as 16-bit smoke rose from behind his head due to his possibly scorched tails being burnt by the fire. Tails looked up and his eyes widened before flaming embers and debris came down from the top of the screen and burnt him charred black and red before a piercing scream came from the speakers of Peter's TV, just barely low frequency enough for his speakers to handle it.

The TV cut out yet again and the smell of burnt plastic rose from the Genesis and filled the room. All the time this was going on, Peter was frozen in place and staring blankly with the controller in his hands. He immediately sat up and pulled the game out of the console, cramming it back into the box to return it after seeing the hellish land this game had to offer. Sadly, once he reached the store, he found out there were no returns without a receipt, and he didn't even ask for one before he left. He exited the store and returned home with his perverted copy of Sonic 2 in the box. He put it back into the Genesis slot and shut it off, then went to bed almost immediately after. All the lights were on in the house due to his growing fear of what he just witnessed before he dozed off into slumber.

Peter awoke a few seconds later to find him surrounded by burning plant life, immediately recognizing this landscape as the second level of his Sonic 2 copy. He began panicking immensely, looking around and sweating. He involuntarily began running in one direction, not even bothering to stop. Once the terrifying noises of the theme began playing, Peter looked behind him to see not fire, but Sonic himself running directly at him on the narrow grassy trail. The blue hedgehog had a very unsaturated color and his grin was wide while he had big and shining eyes staring him down. While being chased, Peter cried and screamed for help, going so far as to yell at the hedgehog. He suddenly tripped on a burnt root in the ground before Sonic screamed and jumped at him, causing him to immediately jump awake from his nightmare screaming and crying. He pulled at his own hair and got out of bed before deciding to spend the rest of the long night downstairs in his living room. All the while, his thoughts ran wild with questions he couldn't answer. 'What happened? Was that really Sonic? Why am I still holding onto this stupid game? 'He inquired with nothing but fear in his head, but not a single answer came to light as he stayed wide awake.

So yeah, gimme your damn feedback. 