Talk:Tobit: Hyraaq Tobit/@comment-25941663-20180111140429

(Before I begin, I want to apologise for taking this long to review this. I messed my scheduling up big time.)

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I think this is a mistake, but I am not sure:

"we sort of end of" - I think the second 'of' should be 'up'

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These are my notes as-I-read.

The mention of Tobit's name in the scripture was a nice touch. I am a sucker for these stuff.

In the first chapter I liked how you used the Newsroom interview intervals to touch on characters from previous stories. It was a clever little nod and a nice way to set the scene.

In the "Life in the Tower" chapter, at first Gregory thinks he is the one who killed Lacy, but then, when talking to Tabitha, you write that Trevor told him this was not the case. We didn't get to see the two brothers talk this out though, and I feel this was a missed opportunity. It would have been great to see how the conversation would pan out.

I liked the "Applied Mythology" chapter. It was a nice change of pace and actually funny. I am glad this refreshing addition was in.

On the "Siege" chapter, I would have liked to see some description of the cathedral. I know there was a description on a previous chapter, but I think it would have added a bit more to the scene if we had a more detailed image of the building. Nothing much, maybe 2-3 sentences painting us a picture, since cathedrals always capture the imagination of the readers.

Also, I didn't really like Al and Maria making an appearance, as I find it a bit cartoonish. Pinky's entrance though was badass, I was hoping he would arrive and you didn't disappoint.

To be honest, I didn't like the ending that much. I understand that for a lot of people it is awesome, but it's just not my cup of it. I am not big on explaining how gods work so I didn't like the direction you took Tobit in, but I applaud the bold move.

All in all, this veered away from a horror story and entered the "dark" story territory, and I think that this was the right move for a finale. Also I find this to be the boldest of your stories with unexpected move after unexpected move. Even though I didn't like most of the twists, I enjoyed the unpredictability. And overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. What an ending to a great series.

So, great work man! Looking forward to your next piece!