Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25886858-20141218205202/@comment-25170312-20141219011450

It needs some cleaning up in terms of grammar, but it honestly freaked me out the way the protagonist and his mother turned so violent. I had a feeling they killed their own pets, but I don't think figuring it out ahead of time hurts the story. It's the influence of the demons on the characters that makes it creepy.

There's some unnecessary ellipses that you should probably change or remove. You also might want to break it up a little more. That last paragraph is especially thick, and could use some refining as well. Really, the whole thing needs a little more work. Not to the story itself, but to the sentence structure and repetitive phrasing. I enjoyed it regardless.

If I had to pick one thing that bothered me it would be the "black slime". It sounds a little cliche and not so scary. Maybe try to describe it in a creepier way. You could refer to it as being like tar or oil; something that's naturally black and slimey. Just calling it slime is a missed opportunity.