Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31578197-20170322192341/@comment-24101790-20170322192905

I'm sorry, but the story feels extremely unfinished (because it is, you cut out the first five or six stanzas). The only addition you made onto it from this point is extremely generic ('look behind you' trope # 8) to the point that it's made its way onto our list of cliches to avoid. Even if we were to ignore the punctuation issues (not apostrophizing contractions and properly using commas), there is little plot here and even the original source sets itself up as a nonsense rhyme without much point. It really doesn't work as a cohesive story.