User blog comment:Creeper50/My First Screenplay Ever/@comment-26054278-20151223003432

I'm afraid to say it, but this is very hollow and shallow. It doesn't conclude or really even do a good job establishing anything. A screenplay should also include general directions for what is happening during the talk/scene (unless they're completely motionless or just standing), so I can't say it worked on a technical level either.

I suggest you keep trying and establish some sort of actual point to the exchange.