Talk:Thank You for Your Cooperation/@comment-25052433-20160329170106

While I see what you were trying to do with this one, it fell a bit short for me on a few levels. The concept itself was very good, but the execution became a bit of a chore. One of my biggest gripes here would be the drawn out writing style. You over-detail a lot of what Ivan is doing, when you could have saved on space and improved the tempo by simply notionalizing a lot of it.

You also repeat a lot of information that doesn't require so much. You reiterated that the alrams were still going off several times in the last couple paragraphs. That became a bit of a drag. Over all though, this was a great concept and you did use some creepy instances of being trapped and feeling the set in of cabin fever. This was an okay pasta but with a bit better execution it could have been a great one.