Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26662506-20160726123702/@comment-25226524-20160726152441

I still see too many ellipses and a lot of the same issues. You cleaned up some but not all.

“What the fuck is that, why are you feeding it.” I yelled at my grandfather.

Should be:

“What the fuck is that? Why are you feeding it?” I yelled at my grandfather.

or

“What the fuck is that, and why are you feeding it?” I yelled at my grandfather.

You can't have to independent clauses spliced together with a comma like that. It's discussed on the style guide page.

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“That tree 'ought to be dug up, reveal the bloody roots it’s stabbed into the ground.” He told me.

Should be:

“That tree 'ought to be dug up. Reveal the bloody roots it’s stabbed into the ground,” he told me.

or

“That tree 'ought to be dug up, and reveal the bloody roots it’s stabbed into the ground,” he told me.

Same issues as before. You also can't use a period to close a dialogue quote when you identify the speaker after. Notice how I switched it to a comma and made the "He" lowercase. This applies even if the quote ends with a ? or !.

Example: "Don't go down there!" he yelled.

I think you need to go over the style guide page a bit more and really comb through this story. It's a pain, I know, but getting this stuff in your memory bank will help you in your future work. These are just the technical issues. Keep in mind that fixing them isn't likely the end of this story's revision. Be patient, and you'll get more feedback.