Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25458443-20140929014241/@comment-5619531-20141003004354

I'm going to critique it because it was a fast read.

It uses the same topic that people already use in stories like you're trying to accomplish.

The questions you are asking feels like a never-ending ride to something I'm supposed to think about, but instead turn me away because I can't understand them by your wording. It goes from talking about the human brain to stuff that I have no clue why you're saying it at all. It goes from "Does your subconscious want to be called upon?" to "Do you like it when someone speaks you name and asks for demands?" and "Do we all want to be told to do things by family?"

Next, we have the grammar structure. I feel that you didn't proof read this at all, and that you were more anxious about posting the story on the site than working on it. Sentences like "It is normal in a story of triumph, or of terror, or of anything to wonder who the speaker is." should be "It is normal in a story of triumph, of terror, or anything that makes anyone wonder who the speaker is."