User:AGrimAuxiliatrix1/My Critiques

This is simply a page in which I will compile all of my in-depth reviews. Most of my shorter reviews will not be on here unless I am referring to a particularly short pasta. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

Lost Episodes Review
This is one of the few stories in which it is rather painful to scroll through these comments and watch as everybody give this story incredibly high scores. I think it is about time I went ahead and fixed that, but I have a lot of ground to cover if I am to explain my dislike effectively.

Slimebeast seems to have a very specific emotion captured in a few of his stories, and that is sarcasm. He does this very well in "Funnymouth", but it is one of the major flaws of this story. When a thing that is supposed to be creepy occurs early in the story, he always kind of has some sarcastic thought or weird detail.

For example, the main character and Sid just had a little conversation revealing how Sid feels about his new versions of things and how he believes the old, happy endings to just be a lie. However, right after that, the protagonist says the following:

"He just kept drawing as I stood there. The silence was disturbing, and in that moment I could smell the B.O. coming off of him. It wasn't just sweat, either. It was a mingling of that and a foul ass and piss-soaked cloth."

Why would you bother bringing that up. Literally, you could have had something of an unsettling moment, but then you bring up this kind of sarcastic remark and an unnecessary detail that really should have either been summed up before the conversation or not referenced at all.

There are plenty more examples of stuff like this, and I could certainly dig through some more for you, but I have to get to some of my other problems.

Firstly, the creepy stuff is not creepy. This is mainly because of the concept. Don't get me wrong, this does have an interesting and original concept, but it has to kind of focus on very poor source material. Since Lost Episode pastas are very cliche and not very scary, anything revolving around the stuff Sid creates is usually cliche and not very scary. Sure, there is some conversations about Sid's mind which could be interesting and disturbing, but they are usually (again) interrupted by the sarcastic writing style. The ending is not cliche, but that is something I want to address later. I'm not looking forward to it.

Next, I should probably go ahead and say why this concept actually only works for a few "Lost Episode" pastas. This doesn't really effect the story itself, but I simply noticed that stories such as "Dead Bart", "Suicidemouse.avi", "The Amazing World of Gumball: The Grieving", "The Black Friday Incident", and many more all state that the creators of each of those episodes/films were the actual creators of the source material. Therefore, a bit of credibility is lost when this pasta only applies to a couple stories.

For a Slimebeast story, there are a few grammar errors, which I usually never notice in his stories. Possibly this is due to the rather poor plot. Sometimes, Slimebeast brings up random things only to never mention them or explain what they did with it again. For example:

"Somewhere out there, this chubby Star Wars nerd from our highschool has all three original films flawlessly cut together, with edited-in effects that would've made George Lucas himself cry out: 'Enough meddling!!'

We charged him like twenty dollars for the only copy, because we were idiots."

Alright, then. Really pointless and really doesn't add much to what you already said about how much of a great animator Sid was, but if you build upon it or have it have some relevance to the plot, it might work.

Of course it is never mentioned again.

Now, it appears I must address the ending. I have looked at many angles to see how this ending could possibly work and be scary, and nothing works. Slimebeast starts building up this horrific thing, the parents are dead, the sarcastic tone is kind of there but it is starting to fade away, and then Slimebeast threw his keyboard to the ground and said, "Screw it! I can't think of ending, so I'm just going to write random stuff down and hope it works!"

Sid being a cartoon character is incredibly stupid. I might have taken it seriously if it was written very dramatically and Sid said absolutely nothing, but that does not happen. However, that is not the only reason why this does not work. The thing is that the twist itself is an awful twist.

Sid showed that he hated the happy endings and he liked the new and more dark endings, so it makes perfect sense that he would put himself in one of the happiest environments ever (sarcasm). Secondly, where is his motivation? Sid was just shown to be obsessed with doing this whole thing with tapes and maybe a bit insane, but they never suggested him wanting to essentially kill himself and (possibly) his parents. Lastly, this twist would never, ever work in reality. Why would they have a sign saying a bank bought the property and yet allow all their stuff to remain there, leave the power on, and not even bother to investigate the house or conduct any search for these dead people? It makes no sense, and completely makes this story fail.

In total, I dislike this pasta for quite a few reasons. It fails as a Creepypasta and it fails as being an entertaining story. There are elements and moments that make it kind of interesting sometimes, but overall, it really doesn't work. 3/10.

Squidward's Suicide Review
Not too long ago, I did a very in-depth review of Slimebeast's story, "Lost Episodes". I had tons to talk about there, and I have just as much, if not more, to say about this cliche-ridden waste of time.

Firstly, I have to comment on the grammar. The grammar in this story is very poor. There are countless tense swaps, and some sentences that are worded poorly/don't really make sense. This pasta does not work on an English level, so how does this story work as a plot- CLICHES.

So many CLICHES.

Jesus Christ, they pulled everyone out of the book for this story. The only one they didn't bother adding in was the use of 666 somewhere. I know this was one of the earlier stories to use these cliches, but it doesn't matter because the cliches were not scary then. If they weren't scary then, they sure as hell are not scary now.

Also (and I have stated this before), the term "hyper-realistic" is used incorrectly. Yes, one of the biggest cliches of the Lost Episode/Video Game genre is not even right. "Hyper-realistic" refers to sculpture or painting. The correct term, "photo-realistic", is the one that should be used. This once again proves that the author doesn't know English as well as he probably could.

Anyway, Lost Episodes will always resort to shock value. The only good ones that exist actually ignore this shock value and try and build up some real scares. Therefore, what does this pasta do?

Of course it does shock value. As a matter of fact, it results to one of the laziest and most terrible things you can do with it: Include gore and children.

Gore is just about the laziest thing an author can put it in to try to shock the audience. However, when the author includes children into that, it actually gets offensive. Children are a very sensitive subject, but if a story is written well or the plot heavily revolves around it to deliver a twist or something, yeah, it might be a tiny bit unconformable, but the story's quality will strive, or the shock will actually not be used too much to offend the audience (Autopilot is a good example).

This pasta just randomly puts not just gore, but children into it just for the purpose of trying to shock the audience. However, this actually offended me, how they would throw around this very serious thing just to get some sort of reaction out of the reader. The author of this story needs to deal with serious subjects with respect, and there is none here. Also, they describe the gory children three times. Three. Times.

People will say, "But it was important to the plot! You said that if it was important to the plot, it would work!" However, I will argue that for one, this story uses way too much of the gore and children (in fact, they use it three times) to not be able to offend the audience. Also, the whole "mystery" behind who killed the children really doesn't need to be here, and it could have been handled so much better.

However, even the parts of the story without the cliches still leave so much room open for plotholes. I have actually said in another little thing I did related to this pasta, "A rather unbelievable plot, but mainly because it relies on Creepypasta logic ('I have no reason to continue, but I'm going to do it anyway'), which is kind of necessary for a lot of pastas. However, the reason here for why is very weak compared to the content we see."

Let me elaborate a bit. The main character and everybody in the room sees a photo of a dead child (actually, three photos). After the first photo, they say, "We were of course mortified, but pressed on, hoping that it was just a sick joke."

The author is talking about a dead, gruesomely murdered child, and they think it might just be a little morbid joke. These people are terrible. Once you start seeing dead children in a cartoon intended for a very young audience, why the hell would you keep going? Why would you not call the police immediately (they eventually do, but why didn't they do it right then)? Why are all these people still in the room? How did these interns even get in the room? Shouldn't they be, I don't know, doing actual work? There are so many plot holes, so many things that don't add up, that it completely destroys this story.

The only possible "okay" thing in this story is the opening up until they start talking about how there was "something that set the whole creative team" back is decent, and there really isn't many grammar errors (there is one or two sentences that are worded a bit oddly, but they still make some sense).

Also, the video is not very scary, and really has nothing to do with the quality of the story. As a matter of fact, I got bored after about 45 seconds of it.

In total, this is not only one of the worst pastas on this wiki, but this is one of the most offensive things I have ever read, along with Cry Baby Lane. I give this 1.5/10, and nothing anybody says will get that rating any higher.

I Found a Digital Camera in the Woods Review
This thing amazes me by how a person can post a bunch of pictures of nature (with no creepy elements), write a quick two paragraphs about finding the camera, and then posting it to a wiki to somehow get the category, "Historical Archive". I did not call it a story because this isn't a story. This is a photo gallery. Are the photos creepy? No. People seem to be claiming there is a man in some of them, but honestly, pretty much everything in the background people could point to and say, "That right there... is a man." All of it is just random fog and shadows.

However, how is the actual writing? Even the actual two paragraphs have errors. For example, one sentence says, "When I approached, I saw it was a digital camera!" That is not a sentence, as it should say, "When I approached it, I..."

Also, there is a tense swap in the second paragraph ("It's a 3.3 megapixel Powershot S20!" when it should be, "It was a 3.3 megapixel Powershot S20!"). Therefore, this story doesn't even work on a writing level.

As a photo gallery, it is a bit boring and repetitive, getting about a 4/10. As a "story", I proudly declare it as 0/10.

Abandoned by Disney Review
Time for another in-depth review. This time, I'm taking a look at this acclaimed story, Abandoned by Disney. When I say acclaimed, I really mean it. Not only was this story written by the famous Slimebeast (who I gave quite a harsh critique of in my review for Lost Episodes), but it also won PotM, is in the "Suggested Reading", and appears to get praise and more 10/10s than nearly every other pasta I have seen. The few that are not positive give nearly no reasons why.

Is this story perfect? Is it worthy of all the acclaim it gets? Let's take a look.

This story, like most Slimebeast stories, has an interesting premise and idea, which is what actually went on at this abandoned place. Doing research, this place really is real, and it really adds to the credibility of the story.

While I complained about the sarcastic Slimebeast style in Lost Episodes, I have to admit that it usually works better here because I feel it is a bit toned down and usually doesn't occur in the climax. While I still am not a big fan of it here (sometimes it is a bit distracting in a negative way), it works a lot better than it did in Lost Episodes.

However, I must admit that I really don't know much about this main character at all. Clearly, the story isn't focused on that, but still, it is a bit harder to care about what is going to happen if you really don't care about the main character. Granted, he hasn't done anything really bad, besides from making snarky comments sometimes, but he hasn't done anything to earn my respect other than do a bunch of research and bring up the topic. So yeah, the main character is underdeveloped, which means this story has to live or die by how scary it is or how interesting it is.

The beginning of this story is done very well, I must admit. There are sarcastic comments, but they work, and there are still creepy elements, but nothing too heavy to overshadow the rest of the story. Therefore, the intro is intriguing, and I enjoyed this story quite a bit when he was discussing the facts about Mowgli's Palace.

The build-up when he is inside Mowgli's Palace is done pretty good. The atmosphere it was building up was genuinely disturbing, and then... well, we reach the climax.

I mean this as polite as possible when I say that this climax makes me facepalm every single time somebody mentions it.

If you thought this review was all going to be colorful and positive, you clearly haven't come to the right place. You see how this review has been short (compared to my other in-depth reviews) so far? That's because I wanted to save room for this section so I wouldn't make this review too long. So, without further ado, I'm going to proceed to analyze this dreadful ending (Do not ask me if it as bad as the one in Lost Episodes because I do not know).

When the main character walks into the room and sees all the costumes, he should have seen maybe a creepy message (Not the one at the end, trust me, I'll get to that one) and had to flee out. While not really too effective, it wouldn't have ruined the story for me.

Anyway, my first problem is a more minor one, but I still don't like it. This person keeps describing all these photos he took of these costumes and of the place, and then he only shows one of them. It takes away some of the credibility of the story and it really doesn't make much sense to put it in.

In my personal opinion, his camera should have died before he could take any photos, mainly because the one photo he shared of the incident isn't very scary (more on that later).

Moving on, the major problems kick in when the Mickey Mouse costume starts moving. For one, Mickey Mouse is not really scary, but it was a bit disturbing when he described the costumes and I imagined all these lifeless costumes just hanging there motionless. However, it starts getting up, and I began to get incredibly angry.

I read this story just so I could be greeted with a photo-negative version of Mickey Mouse? That is the best this story can do? Now, if you think that is scary, alright, your choice, but personally, I find it rather stupid. It is just a costume, and when it wasn't moving and I imagined it kind of slumped down, it was a bit chilling, but now it is just a regular costume. Even in the context of the story, I don't feel that works.

However, it gets so much worse after that. Nothing compares to when the story says this line:

"Hey," it said in a hushed, perverted, but perfectly executed Mickey Mouse voice, "Wanna see my head come off?"

I admit it, I laughed when I read that line before I proceeded to realize that the story was serious. This line is meant to be scary, but I'm sorry, this line is really funny. Just imagine Mickey Mouse saying this line, and don't tell me you don't at least snicker or get some sort of amusement from that. The thing is that it is in the Mickey Mouse voice, which really makes it so comedic and awful. As much as I dislike Suicidemouse.avi, they knew that they shouldn't have Mickey Mouse be happy or speak because they knew they could not make that scary.

This story, on the other hand, tries and fails. I mean, just look at that photo and see how happy Mickey is and try and tell me that the line he says is scary. Speaking of the photo, I'm going to address it now. It is a very poor one.

For one, there is no indication of anything else in the room, which the author specifically described there was various other costumes and other items. Secondly, the entire photo is in photo-negative, not just Mickey, which adds further suspicion to the photo even trying to be believable. However, the kicker is that the photo isn't scary because, as I mentioned, this Mickey Mouse is not scary.

Of course, if I was almost giving up on this story on those last sentences, I completely gave up when Slimebeast went ahead and took a visit down to "Cliche-Ville". The Mickey Mouse takes his head off and the author describes all this blood, and once again, I run into a problem.

The blood description doesn't work because Slimebeast stopped using the disturbing elements and switched to describing gore and blood, which really doesn't work even as close to as well as any of the earlier parts when the protagonist was exploring. Also, I'm very glad that Slimebeast took the time to tell us that the blood was yellow, because when I think of horrifying things, I think of yellow blood. What was he, some sort of weird giant insect?

Of course, just to top things off, Slimebeast includes a line that... just see for yourself, I'm almost done here:

ABANDONED BY GOD

Really, Slimebeast? You had to put that in your story? This line is incredibly cliche, but even if it wasn't cliche, it isn't scary. This line is just trying to affect people on a religious level or something, and religion, like other touchy subjects, is a very sensitive topic. You don't just throw difficult terms around, but you have to deal with them with respect.

Of course, Slimebeast just puts it here because he wants to shock people, and not to talk about it or deal with it in an actually careful manner. I can't think of any other reason why it would be here, but if it isn't shocking (especially as it is so cliche now), it is just a stupid and pointless line.

Therefore, after a quick line or two about Disney protecting the public from that horrific endin- I mean, creature, the story is over and I can finally wrap the review up.

Abandoned By Disney takes a great idea and a great beginning and middle to absolutely screw up the ending and fail to deliver on the most crucial part of the story. While this would be fine if the characters were good, there is only one character, and (as I mentioned), he practically has no development. In total, this story has interesting concepts and does a great job for a large majority of the story, but the ending makes it much too lackluster for me to give it anything higher than a mere 6/10. An above-average story.