Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35353892-20180423020816/@comment-9041013-20180423170504

Well it gets really dramatic really quickly with all those caps and what not. But the story kind of lacks in details and is way too rushed. Day one "we get the warning" and that switches to weeks foreword or even months, "Now the society's crumbling". That is very unlike real life, where you'd get people looking into that stuff and the army along with the state eventually finding out about the monster, way before the first month mark due to oddities in the base's activities.

The revalation of the creature was kind of expected, so yeah, didn't really surprise me, in fact, I knew this was coming. Now, you should've kept it at the hobo in stead of revealing that it is the creature. Keep it at a hobo who came across this base, maybe found a few dead soldiers, that's not even necessary, even though this would alude somewhat nicely to a monster that was there and is somewhere. Could've just gone for a hobo who tries to escape the heat of the desert, finds this base and starts playing with the computer system which in turn activates something like a predetermined protocol or something.

This is mostly flat.