Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24859608-20140617173641/@comment-24859608-20140617180445

Vengam wrote: Nice short pasta right there

If you want to change something, I'd give a better recognizable hint the moment he gets stabbed. Is "No youre not" an answer to the murderer?

How about "stop right there!" or "get out!" before he tackles the narrator So maybe like

It's Friday, and I was packed and ready to spend the night at a friends house. It was late when I got there so they told us to go to sleep. We walked upstairs into his bedroom, so tired that I think I fell asleep before I even got to the air mattress.



I wake up, notice it's still dark, I had to use the bathroom. I turn on the lights so I can make my way to the mattress this time. It wakes my friend up.

 “What are you doing?” he said, seeming very suspicious, like I had killed someone.

“Going to the bathroom.” I told him, and started to walk out of the room.



“Stop! Please Stop!” somehow, he quickly got out of bed and tackled me to the ground. I push him off of me, kicked him in the face, then said “What's your problem dude.” and ran to the bathroom. Quickly locking the door.

 After I'm done, I see he is in his bed. Didn't think much of it, till I saw these nasty marks on his bruise and face. I thought he may have hit something on the back of his head when I kicked him. I checked his pulse, but nothing.



I run down to tell the parents, they quickly call 9-1-1. I'm a murderer I was thinking. He was dead, but even worse, the autopsy showed that someone stabbed him not once, but multiple times in the head. All I did was kick him.



