Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25288624-20140811190730/@comment-25286366-20140812000520

I didn't think it "sucked" like you said, it just needs a little bit of work. Including the issues the previous "commentor" pointed out it also lacks emotion and overall length. Length does not equal quality (Ha, this is coming from the person who made an eight page creepypasta), but I think to make your story more emotional it needs more "insane thoughts" of the narrator (You are using first person, take advantage of that!). Some of the sentences are too blunt- "After that I went insane". Going back to length, with a little more time you can make these "blunt, cliche phrases" turn into riveting, thought-provoking ones that will help with the overall creepiness of it.