Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5554608-20150702050515/@comment-25635589-20150704233322

your made-up language was the primary reason I entered this page. Perhaps adding more of that language? Also, get rid of the character bios. Furthermore, the adventure-fantasy concept is interesting, but some of the names have issues. For instance, "Expresso-VIlle". How about something else? I dont know...

"D'sgil Nathbys"

"Esogij Marop"

"Jilkys Fub'sa"

(you can come up with a meaning for the names later that fits your language, if you choose one)

Just choose more Fantasy-ish names for the story.