Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24713525-20140321144843/@comment-10950063-20140321153907

This has a lot of problems.

-Don't mention creepypasta. It almost immediately ruins your story. What does creepypasta have to do with the story at all? Nothing, from what I can see. Why would someone want their last words to be creepypasta? Why would a police officer post it on a creepypasta site?

-The idea that this is supposed to be a warning doesn't work. What are is being warned against? There's no description of anything.

-There's no content. There's very vague stuff about dreams, then even vaguer stuff about a killer. The two are connected (why? how?).

-Why is the fact that this person doesn't sleep important at all? We don't see any consequences of it.

-Stories about killers need to operate on tension. There's no tension here. There's no build-up, there's no dread. I don't know if you can write an effective story about a killer that's this short. You can keep trying, but you need to lose the stuff about sleep, about dreams, focus on one topic and stick to it.

-This isn't a journal. This is more of a note. On top of that, it does the major cliche of people being frightened/in danger, but still writing.

-Is this a Jeff the Killer thing? I went back and forth on whether it was, but if it is, you can't post it here. We have a rule against JtK stories.