Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26054278-20150307173939/@comment-25941663-20150308170500

I think "even skinnier version of how Elvis was in the 50’s" can be cut down to "even skinnier version of Elvis in the 50’s"

"eying the letter" -> "eyeing the letter"

"no stamp or address to indicate it being sent by mail" the last part ('to indicate...') sounds a bit awkward.

" to read the handwritten note on it." - 'on it' is a bit redundant.

Also, the letter should be in all italics. As of now, only the first sentence is italicized.

The letter ends with 'E4', but then you write: "D4 should be chess notation". You change 'E4' to 'D4'.

I don't think anyone would say: " I’m just a famous magician", " I’m just a magician" is enough.

"heard the bones of his body" -> "heard his bones" sounds more natural, plus you shouldn't be repeating the word 'body' twice in a row.

"Oh, it is very simple. You considered..." this dialogue piece doesn't end with a quotation mark.

I don't know anything about chess notations, but it sounds more logical that instead of saying 'E4', one should say something like 'Knight, E4' indicating which piece should move. Again though, I am not familiar with the system so I can't say for sure.

I don't think I have read anything like this before. It is certainly very original and interesting. I would have liked it to be more creepy, but it is perfectly fine as is.

Honestly, if you fix the issues pointed out on the thread, this will be a very good story.