User blog comment:HopelessNightOwl/Stories I Enjoyed Xmas Edition/@comment-25052433-20191222021849

You want a scary Christmas story? Here - allow ME! And it's all true.

Christmas at my grandparents as a kid/teenager. No one asked Uncle Gary to say fucking grace but he sure as hell is doing it and taking all damned night and we've been waiting to eat all damn day. God knows we're hungry asshole. Oh wait, now Uncle Gary wants to make a toast. All eyes on you eh Uncle Gary?

Gary reminds us that he brought a bottle of Chianti. I try to make a Silence of the Lambs joke. No one gets it. Oh yeah Gary yet again brings up the 20 POUND TURKEY that he brought for Thanksgiving. Someone mentions that the New Orleans Saints are playing the Atlanta Falcons - aka the Dirty Birds. Gary hears this and has to mention that he brought a "heavy bird" to Thanksgiving and it was a touchdown!

Oh my cousin brought her friend from college along. Now we're short a seat. Someone is going to have to use the step-stool and straddle the table leg. I did it at Thanksgiving, so surely they wouldn't.... Oh, they ask me if I'd be so kind as to take the step-stool.

So yeah - unwanted grace, unneeded toast, Chianti wine, failed Silence of the Lambs joke, 20 pound bird and sitting on the step-stool.

THE END