Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37708694-20181205182102/@comment-9041013-20181206011721

ooo that's an interesting one.

Definitely do what Bob says, your grammar is off in places. Your tensing is particularly affected by this; a lot of times sentences that are meant to be in past tense are in a present one etc. Among other issues. You could use Grammarly to help you with that. Don't rely on the web correctors too much however, since it will inhibit your ability to improve naturally.

Anywho, as for the story itself. It's pretty good, other than few minor issues like you can't find a single cure for Cancer because cancer is many many many separate disease that all have tumors as their common denominator. The causes and effects, along with treatment and chances of recovery/mortality rates are different. You can find a way to reduce the genetic factors that increase one's risk to suffer from a cancer (two thirds of all known cancers are results of bad gene replication).

You've focused on the mundane build up a little too much, reduce the unimportant stuff at the beginning and keep the juicy bits around. I don't really care for all the details of this family's dynamic and how good of a student is Alexandra.

Also, performing at the MSG is a HUGE deal, if you mention that, don't make it sound like a random thing. Even for very large entertainment companies/distributers its a very big venue to book.

Another thing that came of as kind of out of place for me is why don't they eat the girl? it feels like you were building up to this ritualistic cannibalistic dinner but then just dropped the idea to be less predictable? sometimes the obvious is the better option. And where does the blood come from? Whom does it belong to that is?

Hope to see you revise this story, it should be a very good addition to the site once it's done.