Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25597074-20151021034437/@comment-27008899-20151023112541

Much better. Two last things. 1 change "all the sudden" to "suddenly" and 2 dont be disappointed or upset with admin if they take it down in your first submission. If they do, ask one to review it for their take. Also do not forget to remove your indents at the beginning of paragraghs. That will get it taken down right away. Fantastic job though!