Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24933431-20140512150400/@comment-24821182-20140512160912

The excessive misuse of ellipses almost made me lose interest in your story. Remove 99% of them and add proper punctuation instead. Don't rely on ellipses to create atmosphere, because they don't, and they're just slowing the reader down for no reason.

You need to work on splitting your massive chunks of text into smaller paragraphs. It's particularly important that you don't have two different people talk in the same paragraph.

As for the overall story, I didn't find it interesting. We already have more stories about people hiding in fear from supernatural creatures than there are atoms in the universe, and if more information isn't given about "It", it is really difficult to distinguish "It" from thousands of similar creatures.

Also, why didn't his friend call the police when his parents were murdered? He could clearly sit down and write a blog, so why not dial for help? The main character made the same mistake at the end by just waiting for the creature to eat him, and the only initiative he took was attempting suicide.