Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5952769-20151230103509/@comment-27008899-20151231135409

Ha! That was entertaining, and well writen for a first draft. Liked the story but you have some awkward wording. Your first paragragh is choppey. Switch us the sentences. Begin: "My cousin's owned a cattage by the sea in (Florida, California, what have you. Location gives more depth). He would iften let me stay her while he was out of the country. It was a paradise. It was here that I fell in love with the sea. As you are probably well aware, love is fickle." Feel free to use verbatum if you wish.

There are a few lines not needed. "The next day something entirely different happened." Your reader will figure this out through the story, dont prep them.

A few rewording and remove the a few needless lines and this would be fantastic.