Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20190711004754/@comment-33488654-20190711175241

DrBobSmith wrote: Steven"SpringBubba"Savoy,

Back in August of last year, RedNovaTyrant put this on your talk page:

This is going to be my biggest point of all, especially since I've been seeing it more and more lately: Show, Don't Tell. Just for the sake of clarity, I'm saying to NOT write a story like this: "I went to a haunted house. I found a creepy mask. I took it from the house. I put it on. I became possessed and killed like 50 people." This is Telling. And it's terribly boring.

Describe the situation, like this: "I approached the eerie old mansion, with cobwebs dripping from the rafters and wood that creaked loudly when you stepped on it. Entering the house cautiously, there it was: the mask, old and dust ridden, hanging on the wall. Creeped out by the house, I grabbed the mask and made off, sprinting away." Which one sounds much better?

You'll eventually find your own style of writing, but just avoid Telling as much as possible unless it's for an artistic reason. And even then, don't do it for a whole story. It's just really boring, flavorless writing.

You told everything in the third to last paragraph. This is an alternate history story - boom.

First, I love a good alternate timeline novel as much as the next guy. I've got almost everything Harry Turtledove ever did and I adored Fatherland. But they aren't Creepypasta.

Second, you've set up a battle scene and declared the order of battle. We know pretty much what is going to happen in the battle just by what you describe as the order of battle. There aren't going to be any surprises after this.

Third, you have to do a LOT of research for an alternate history story. Here is just one example: According to what I could find, a B-17 has a minimum take-off runway length of about 1,600 feet. See https://forum.axishistory.com/viewtopic.php?t=128403&start=30 That's far longer than the 844 foot flight deck on a World War II Essex class carrier. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essex-class_aircraft_carrier That baby isn't making it off a flattop. So where do the B-17's fly in from? In your scenario, the Reich is going to control the Mediterranean and minimally Northern Ireland. Either the Irish Republic will stay VERY neutral or they will be "joining" the Reich. A B-17 has a maximum range of 2,000 miles loaded. http://www.aviation-history.com/boeing/b17.html That's 1,000 each way, enough to get from England to Berlin but not much more. Greenland to Britain is about 1,300 miles, but if the Reich has England and the rest of Europe you can bet they would have Iceland and that flight path goes right over Iceland. Also, Greenland isn't known for good flying weather. Even Iceland to Britain is a thousand miles, and it would be flying through occupied Scotland and past occupied Northern Ireland for hundreds of miles. North Africa would be completely under Axis control and even the closest point on the coast would be 1,200 miles and out of range. Aah, of course. You would have to excuse my first draft, this is the first pasta I've ever written in months, so these are some regrowing pains.