Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25036236-20140610152253

I'd like suggestions on what to do for my new pasta, which is called "Doctor Lucia"

Here is the pasta:

I was an investigative reporter for the news, who had been doing that for about 2 years now. My home is in Williamsburg, Virginia. It had an old abandoned hospital named "Old Hickory Memorial Hospital". It was in the middle of the woods, and was a rotted down old hospital that looks like no one even VACUUMED in it for years!

But lets not get so far into the backstory of the hospital.

I got an email from my boss, saying:

"There has been some shit going on for VERY LONG in the Old Hickory Hospital. You are gonna finally discover it."

"Why me? And why do we still try to uncover the missing reporters that went there? They're gone!" I replied.

"I don't know, but I can tell that something's going on in there."

"Why would anything be going on in THAT rotted old place?"

"Just do as I say."

"But I'll be arrested for trespassing!"

"Not if you're a journalist or reporter." then he logged out of GMail

I went to the Hospital at about 8:30 PM. I got my camera, being ready to film, and my flashlight. I went up to the door, but it was locked. Since the old thing was rotted down pretty bad, I smashed the door in. When exploring, I walked upstairs and stepped on a piece of paper. I picked it up, and it said: "She will come..."

"Who is 'She?'" I thought.

I explored a little further, when I heard someone screaming. I was surprised anyone actually was treated here anymore. I eventually found out who was screaming, it was a man, strapped down to a bed. He looked like he was in his 40's. When he looked at me, he said: "Leave... LEAVE!! GET THE HELL OUT!!!" I left the man alone, I walked a little further, trying to see if I could film anything useful for the news.

After a bit of looking, I heard a man, praying the Rosary. I opened the door that led to him, and he looked at me, saying "Don't let her find you... Leave..."

"Who is this girl that I need to hide from?" I asked him.

"Lucia..." he replied.

"Who is Lucia?"

"She is coming..."

I heard foot steps coming towards the room, so I hid behind a curtain. I made sure my camera was ready. She came in. Lucia was 16 as she looked like. She wore a bloodstained blue dress, had black hair, and suprisingly, her skin tone was like an average person. She carried a surgical knife and a pair of scissors in her hands.

The man was still praying his Rosary. Lucia took it from him, and said "If he is your god, why doesn't he save you from this?"

"He will...

"Oh, really?"

Then, she took the surgical knife, and slit his throat.

"I'm sure you'd rather be with him than on this rotten earth."

I guess I gasped too loud. She went to the curtain, opened it, and punched me. She was pretty strong for a 16 year old girl...

I fell to the ground.

"Hello, sir! Lets put you in the waiting room." she told me.

I almost pissed my pants.

She strapped me to a wheelchair, and said "You seem very sick. Oh! What's this?"

She took my camera and watched my footage so far. She said "These horror films, you brought for me? Well thank you, even though I have hundreds more of these." She took my camera, and put it on a table.

"You know, the police boarded up this old place because of the killings I had happening here. They won't show any records, unfortunately."

".. How do you have that much?!" I said.

"All my other patients are journalists and reporters.

"How did you know I was a reporter?

She responded with "You look hungry. Let me get you some food."

She left the room. I was kinda hungry, but I didn't want food from her.

Just then, I heard a man screaming. "Calm down, just let me borrow your hands..." I heard Lucia say. I heard the man scream in ballistic pain, then Lucia came back.

"Here! I brought you something special!"

She lifted the lid off of the tray. On the plate, it had 2 hands, and a glass of blood.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I yelled.

"Eat up!" she said.

"No way, lady!!!" I screamed.

"Have it your way." She took the meal back, and came back with a pair of pliers.

"It seems you have a frog in your throat. Let me get it."

She put the pliers up to my neck, but I kicked her away.

"NO!!!" I yelled.

"Obey Doctor's orders!" she yelled back.

"YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE, LADY!!"

"... Thats not an polite thing to say to a beautiful young lady like me..."

I kept kicking her away as I worked my arms loose. When they got loose, she got extremely pissed off.

"ALRIGHT, FUCKER. I'M TRYING TO TREAT YOUR ILLNESS, AND YOU KEEP REJECTING MY HELP. NOW HOLD STILL!!!"

She tried to cut my neck open with the pliers, I grabbed her hands and took the pliers from her. I cut the ropes to escape.

"Hey, where you going? The operation isn't done yet!"

I ran to the exit, and she followed me the whole way.

"Oh hey! You made a way for me to escape this rotten old place! Thanks!" she yelled to me.

I ran and got in my car.

While I got in, she said "This place will go down in flames, like the people during the Black Plague. Thank you for your visit."

I started it, put it in reverse, and stepped on the gas.

Not long after I left, on the news it said that the Old Hickory Hospital had burned down.

Ever since I left, I felt scared. Every day I turned the TV on, though, there were reports of a girl with a blue, bloodstained dress, black hair, and normal skintone killing children and adults everywhere by slitting their throats.

There was only a few survivors, claiming that they heard her thanking someone for her freedom, which obviously was me.

Then, Lucia tried to kill them. They remember 2 words she said before she tried to kill them.

Those 2 words were:

"Say AHHHHHHH..."

The end.

I'd like suggestions before I post it on the activity page. I hope you like it! 