Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26581765-20150707055637/@comment-26007602-20150707070705

There's no need to apologize. You're learning and that's fine. To make it less cliche? That'd take a fairly large rewrite. The entire premise here is cliche, and that's where the issue lies. You need to get rid of the "kid is bullied and kills everyone trope." That would help the story a lot.

In case you didn't read the link, yore going about writing your story the wrong way. You're focusing on introducing this OC when you should be focusing on telling a story. We don't feel any tension or fear in this story because you're focusing on the character too much. We need less of "look how badass this character is!" And more of "there's something wrong here." You shouldn't really be focusing on making new powers for your character, but should be working on tension and suspense. It's hard to write a horror story from the perspective of a killer teenager, as it just isn't generally scary. The monster/killer should never be the focus of the story, it should be other characters reacting (and there reactions are key) to it.

I realize you probably don't want to abandon the story, but there's only so much I can really tell you. It's hard to make these stories work. I think a different story about a group/single person stalked by your character (but with a different origin story) would work better and be easier to get accepted onto the wiki.