Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25270315-20140805233735/@comment-25148755-20140806031021

For some reason I like this more than I think I should.

I'm usually not a fan of this type of story, the ones where the narrator gets a random email and clicks on a link. Your pacing was actually pretty good though, and the fact that there wasn't really a point to the emails or a twist ending (I half expected the 'kitchen' one to be a picture of your kitchen) actually made it more believable. I was surprised to find myself a little creeped out by this even though it's something I've read a dozen times before. The first email with the picture of the man with the knife and fork worked suprisingly well on a visceral level for me.

Your spelling and grammar need some work. There are a good number of grammatical errors throughout, some verb tense issues, sentence fragments, that sort of thing. You have a few phrases you repeat ("If you've been reading this far you know what happens next") that take away from the narrative. I'm not sure if the beginning part of the story where you list out your schedule is really necessary. Spelling tv as T.V. bothers me more than it has any reason to.

I don't think you're dealing with any blacklisted materials so you should be good there. Fix the grammar and punctuation and you could probably get this posted without it being deleted. Overall 5/10 as it is. Tighten up the grammatical stuff and I'd probably raise it to a 6.5 or 7 which is as high as I'll personally go for stories that are based on such an overused theme and format as this.