Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24918301-20140508180623/@comment-24077689-20140516185009

Resident DeVir wrote: I'm not a brilliant reviewer, so don't expect Noothgrush-levels of commentary, but I'll list a few issues I have with the story.

First of all, yes, "sexaholics" is a word, and you could have looked it up.

Second, you don't have to censor your swear words. People come to this site to read really grotesque, really disturbing stories, so it would be odd if they're sensitive to naughty language. Unless the words you use are racist or discriminatory against a group of individuals, people don't give a shit.

Third, you need to cut down on the amount of ellipses you use. I notice a lot of writers put them in, thinking that it helps build suspense, but most of time they just come off as a lazy attempt to create atmosphere without actually putting work into describing things. In addition to this, you need to work on your punctuation in general. When the prisoner starts telling his story, he says, "24th of May, which was the day of my imprisoning. That night, I'll never forget it". The quotation shouldn't have ended there, as his entire story is told in one sitting, without any interruptions.

Fourth, you need to work on your overall grammar. You use its and it's interchangeably. "It's" means "''it is". "Its"'' shows possession.

Fifth, when you add a disclaimer saying that the story is a work of fiction, it can ruin the entire thing. It is also redundant, as people know that all stories (I can't think of any exceptions, at least) on this site are fictitious. I'm really flattered by the shout-out, man. I've been really impressed with your reviewing, it's really spot-on. Not to mention fast as all hell.

I agree with this review nearly 100%, I'd like to add, though that

A) Yeah, dude, people don't give a shit about the cussing. Your friend may be 13 (and I'm presuming you're also 13 or so), but they can more than likely handle seeing a swear word. Not a big deal.

B) I'd say stick with what you know. You make it pretty clear you don't drink or do drugs (or have), so it makes sense that your writing isn't believable. The whole point of the horror genre is immersion, I have to believe the story and get involved. Beings that you're so young, I'm assuming, you're not terribly familiar with how adults talk or interact with each other. Specifically with lines like "drank so much I have K.O.'d".

C) I'd also suggest you do some more research, particularly on dreams and psychology.