Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25157377-20141211034927/@comment-24510644-20141213214704

The one thing that bothered me throughout the beginning was that Nicole was not once scared, freaked out, or even paranoid until the horse died, as far as we could tell. That's just not normal behavior. Also, in the beginning, it mentions that kids don't listen to their parents or sneak into places they shouldn't be. Take out the 'Don't listen to their parents' part, as it never mentions Nicole disobeying her parents.

As for grammar, I suggest you combine a few of the paragraphs in order to make the story a little less choppy. Your use of ellipses is also a little melodramatic, and I think you need to take them out.