Talk:Transgender Disorder/@comment-5733573-20180715173038

I like the beginning a lot. You've managed to capture the heartbreak and mindset of a transgender teen with clarity. I think a lot of people need to see this, so nice job there.

Where this story goes off the rails for me is after "Rage was the only emotion she felt before all became dark." From that point on, everything just feels tacked on and sloppy. It would be much more effective to hint at what's coming at an earlier point in the story. For instance, maybe Yvette utters a curse before she dies, or wishes the same pain on  her family, etc. And I feel like you could have incorporated the 4/death information into the story in a far less lazy way.

Overall, good start, but the ending needs work. I hope you'll work more on this because it's got potential.