Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25021361-20140604044739/@comment-24821182-20140604050634

This dialogue tree could use a build-up. Also, you should elaborate on what the three beings are; judging by the title, I first assumed they were his inner demons, but then they wouldn't be able to strip the flesh off his bones. It ceases to become an "inner struggle" once his body is mutilated.

The main character displays such self-confidence in the face of his demise, which I don't find very rational unless he's supposed to be a shallow Hollywood protagonist. You could add some exposition in between lines of dialogue, so we can see how he's trying to stay calm and collected, while also struggling with great fear.

If we are in fact witnessing a struggle inside the main character's head, it means you have to care a great deal more for making him seem like a three-dimensional person. Give him a name, a family, a life; make him someone we can sympathize with.

I could see this having potential, if you add more.