Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26872762-20150928173453/@comment-24313563-20150930152413

Just fr0m reading that intr0, I can see that this needs at least s0me min0r revisi0n. A few grammar issues, n0t a big deal. But the st0ry is... well, far fr0m anything that c0uld be labeled a creepypasta. The intr0 is bland, and starts 0ut rather cliche as far as a first pers0n intr0 can g0. The st0ry isn't very fluent either. All the inf0rmati0n c0mes 0ut in chunks and bec0mes m0re rand0m as y0u read 0n. We g0 fr0m mysteri0us arcade machine, t0 dem0n girl, and p0rtals, and rand0m Satan stuff. Then, if that wasn't bad en0ugh, he just rand0mly gets married after all 0f that, and then 00ps, his daughter died. I'm s0rry, but I d0n't see this making a g00d impressi0n 0n the site. Y0u c0uld try t0 re-write this, but it might be better t0 c0unt y0ur stars, learn fr0m this, and try a new st0ry. Writing takes practice, it's n0 shame t0 admit when y0u mess up. We all d0. Still, I think y0u have a great imaginati0n, and writing will definitely c0me easy t0 y0u s00n en0ugh.