Talk:Squidward's Suicide/@comment-25747125-20160319215637/@comment-24101790-20160327200553

LOL for all those interested in reading their story, here's a link.

Capitalization: ""Hey Sam." He (he) asked me", "Toby and I care about." He (he) stated.", ""Lets go!" My (my) mum called up the stairs." You randomly shift between capitalized dad and leaving it uncapitalized. "I called Dad and still no response" / "It wasn't Matt, Toby or my dad." "I ran to it, I was a christian (Christian)"

Punctuation: ""Hey Sam." He asked me" Punctuation missing from sentences. ""I'm taking quite a few." I replied(period missing)", "What I did see however was white paint that formed the words "Andata per semipro"", etc. Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "Authors Note: I'm sorry if the grammar is a little bit crap", "my dads car.", "I checked my parents cave too." , etc. "On them it said."

Wording/tense swapping issues: "My mum told me it would take 2 hours to get into the woods, the current time is 17:02." Did you forget you were telling the story in past tense? "I could he stopped talking and the static resumed.", "I heard twigs and leaves being crushed behind me, it got louder and louder so I decided to turn around and start calling out for anyone when all of a sudden I saw a red light and a red head peaking it head out of a tree.", "I could head static.", "There was (were) literally no trees in sight.", etc.

Story issues: The story is incredibly rushed and the plot is non-sensical at the end. "I ran to it, I was a christian and I was hoping that a priest could help me out or give me an exorcism." An exorcism for what? The protagonist gets a spooky message on his phone and just randomly assumes demonic possession? "I looked up, and saw that on the left were two grave stones. On them it said. Valorie Mitchell - 1973-2016 James Mitchell - 1973-2016 Toby Mitchell - 1993-2016." Two graves stones have three epitaphs. Additionally how does that twist ending make any sense in the context of the story. The protagonist is camping with these people moments earlier. How could they die, be buried, and have personalized gravestones made in that time span. Don't forget the protagonist is using his phone after he woke up so days/weeks couldn't have passed without draining the battery.

TL;DR: Your story is worse than Squidward's Suicide, and that's saying something.