Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36013915-20180629060821/@comment-9041013-20180629220424

Well, Im not feeling this me lad.

I'll be honest with ya, you need to re-do the whole technical side here first. After that focus on the plot a wee bit more. Your tenses are off, your wording is kind of dry. The structure of the story is kind of weird. If English isn't your first language maybe take some help from someone or perhaps the internet to make this technically more sound.

As for the plot.

Cool idea, not so cool execution.

Instead of a mysterious neighbour that vanishes out of the blue, go for a Bazaar in some eastern country.

Have the shirt appear more body like, or armor like, you know, think of uuuhhh diablo style games where you get an armor that looks like a monster you're wearing. Make it look like this... they sell shirts that look like AC's gear and Gokus uniform.

Expand a bit on the dimension of the shirt.

Add some details about peoples interactions with the lead while hes stuck in the shirt (like questioning why he only wears it and why its so "weird" or why it looks so perfect etc)

Have him try to get it off without success towards the end

and before the closing sequence have him wake up to find out that the doctors had to pry it off him with the process living him with wounds all over his torso as if the shirt was glued to him.