Talk:From Deep Within/@comment-26193563-20150826030140

Oh yeah, a reading of this should be happening someday. Anyway, below comment explained all.

The main problem was that you kept switching tenses, from past to present in paragraphs set in same time areas. I changed the present to present, but wasn't too sure, so I guess it's your decision. Also, I think you should use commas to break up some dialogue.

And maybe some description of the light? Also, when the father sees Mabel near the light, shouldn't Mabel have some injuries? Maybe they should be here, as it would be a warning of the hell in the light. I'm not sure if all the detectives stuff or the cornfield play a big game here.

This was really, really amazing. 8/10. Lol, this might be better than Something Is Wrong.