Itching

 March 2nd

 The doctors say the itching will go away, that it’s just a side-effect. Usually, I don’t feel like listening to them but for today I have no one else to trust. They tell me it will help if I write my thoughts and feelings into a notebook, kinda’ like a dream diary or some shit. I don’t care. If it means they get to see what drove my family to drop me off at this halfway house, then so be it.

 March 4th

 One time, I had a friend, one who liked me even though my brain wasn’t like the others. We played outside and we had fun. One day, we were playing in the alley and he fell and hurt his elbow. I ran inside and told mom he was bleeding so she brought a band aid. It was really weird, the way his skin bled; it looked like jam. It felt like there was something inside him that wasn’t him, the blood just looked unnatural. It was like….I don’t know. My brain hurts.

 March 6th

 My skins been reeeeaaally itchy lately. At night, sometimes I stay up just picking at the same spot over and over and over, until it gets red like a patch of soft leather. Sometimes I think there is something hiding on the inside of my skin, watching me itch away like that’s gonna’ solve everything. Like that’s gonna’ stop me from being skitzso   skhitzofrenik   schizophrenic. I don’t even completely know what that means. All I know is I’m NOT CRAZY. And I don’t care what people think of me.

 March  April 1st

 I can’t get this damned itchy feeling away. I’ll scratch it away, but it comes back every night like a fucking dog that keeps coming back for food. Doctor Fred says it’s just my imagination, and if I ignore it it’ll go away but I can’t, I can’t. I want to tear his stupid face off, and let HIM see how it feels to always be scratching, scratching away at the red red meat, red red blood. April fool’s on YOU doc, I’m not the one who’s been making me scratch at my own skin. It’s the thing underneath!

 April 2nd

 The doctors say they wanna’ do a quick check-up on me tomorrow and see if the medication is working. They say it’ll be a quick procedure and it won’t hurt a bit. But I don’t believe them. The thing in my SKIN told them to tell me this. The SKIN is whats fooling everyone, and it won’t stop making me scratch till I’m lying in a ditch somewhere. I won’t listen, I won’t listen-  FUCK! FUCK! IT’S MOVING AROUND UNDERNEATH! DEAR CHRIST! 

 Procedure 4B-8 (Video text relay), Subject: Mark Rodriguez

'' *Experimental Medication ALPHA-Nuro+* ''

 Time and Date: 4/3/1985

 Subject has been securely fastened to the table. He has been heavily sedated, and bound at the wrists. All brain waves appear normal and life functions are all go.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"> Preparing needle of 20cc of AN+ aaaaannnnd….

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"> The needle is securely in-

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt">'' NOOO!! '' (Subject jolts awake on the table, suddenly thrashing about wildly and glancing about with wild, crazed eyes).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"> Shit! He’s awake. Nurse, I thought you-

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt">'' FUCK! IT’S MOVIN, IT’S MOVING IN   MY VEINS!! ''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"> Mark, it’s okay, we’re almost done-Nurse, dammit, give him another shot of anesthesia-

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"> NOOOOO- (  Subject twitches and remains still).'' ''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"> Phew. Okay. Let’s get a skin sample off a’ him and we can show it to him later after the chem-results come in. (Doctor makes incision on left wrist and deposits sample into tube).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"> Hmm, subject appears to be sweating profuse amounts of epinephrine and sodium. Recommend immediate remedy of <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">acetylcholine for later use as well. I- (Doctor stops, and appears to intently stare at subject’s right leg).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">Nurse?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt">''<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">Yes doctor? ''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">Get me my emergency surgery equipment, pronto. (Doctor preps body for surgery and adjusts mask).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">Well, this is just…Subject appears to have multiple lacerations on legs and arms, possibly from pre-observed self-mutilation, but whats interesting… (doctor makes incision on left thigh).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">There is something inside the patient’s skin, less than 20 centimeters in diameter, grayish in color. (Doctor continues to dig at patient’s skin for more than 30 seconds).

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">…Not sure if this is a malign tumor or not but-w-what the-?

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt">''<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">OH MY GOD. ''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">Nurse, contact emergency prep-team right away, there is something inside-

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">(No further audio is available, as camera view is suddenly obstructed by a large unknown mass growing at alarming, so fast it covers the doctor’s and nurse’s bodies and fills the room within a matter of seconds. Upon investigation no persons were found, along with patient 4B-Mark, nor anything that could have possibly obstructed camera view. There were no signs of apparent struggle, and police are still investigating any cause of disappearance.

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 78.0pt"><span style="line-height: 115%; font-family: 'Helvetica', 'sans-serif'; color: white; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-themecolor: background1">