Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24970526-20141111215232/@comment-25170312-20141115025617

If you are wondering why no one has commented yet, it's because you haven't separated it into paragraphs. As for the story, I was finding it to be muddled by clunkly metaphors. Then I got to this sentence:

''Clarity suddenly comes, replacing the haze I have lived with my entire life with extreme HD that not even the most strong glasses could give me. I see it in full gear, hyper realistic illusion in the finest fill my mind, over stimulating my senses. ''

This is where I stopped reading. You are asking to have your pasta deleted if you mention "hyper realistic". The "extreme HD" part is the icing on the cake. Sorry, but I just couldn't finish it.