Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24841494-20140407130508/@comment-24841494-20140415172403

Noothgrush wrote: Graydon, you asked for my review, man.

I got nothing.

I'm genuinely impressed, which is a big deal. For me. For a first draft, this is great. Your grammar isn't spot on, but again, it's a draft. I really dig the concept, though it's not that creepy, it's what I personally love to see in a pasta. It's visceral, it's emotion, it's clever.

It reminds me very much of The Ice King in Adventure Time, that transformation and madness.

You make a couple of odd references, like the Darksign, what is that? Is it mentioned before? I think you could also flesh this out more, I keep thinking of The Lich King in Warcraft, the undead legions under his control, I think with a bit more backstory, this could be even better. One final word of advice: be careful, when I say "more backstory" I just mean a bit more detail, too much backstory could leave this impressive piece dead in the water.

I'm excited for the final product. Dude, you have no idea how fucking happy you just made me. As I stated in the OP, this is technically a "fanfic" of the amazing game Dark Souls by From software. The dark sign is just a visible symbol of the curse, that marks the undead. Any ideas for how to expand the entries, though? I'm seriously stuck, here.