Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26457863-20150602093122/@comment-26457863-20150910102210

Rinskuro13 wrote: Jesus fcking Christ.

First of all, all of this is a huge wall of text, no paragraphs. The pacing is odd and too quick, and there is little description of any kind. There is no description whatsoever of what Oscar looks like, and how he makes you feel either. It's just: everything is alright, then suddenly...A BIG MAN APPEARED

Also, major, major grammar issues. This needs to be reviewed and proof-read: 'My father beating my mother because my mom beat him.' Just...no. Spelling: 'commun' please, no. '...because he wants to deliver a massage to either me or my dad.' YES PLEASE. WOW, A MASSAGE. (Do you even know what that means? I think what you wanted to say is 'message')

I understand that you find the idea of a house spirit, or something haunting the place you live in scary, because it watches you every day and night. Try to flesh out the idea more, and pay attention to spelling, grammar and proof-reading as well as varying sentence lengths. Expand more on physical description as well as your own feelings and others' too.

Are you new to the English language by any chance? This kinda sounds like a troll pasta. Thanks for the tips, I needed them! I'll try my best. I think I will kinda remaster the story from scratch.