Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24101790-20150201125302/@comment-25941663-20150201140535

Before I review the plot, I have found some mistakes that I must bring to your attention.

I found a minor punctuation error:

"I hadn't head it move" should be 'I hadn't heard it move'

I think this is a mistake too:

"It was just a bird" should be 'It is just a bird'

Further down you write:

"Nothing of an incident happened". 'of an incident' is redundant. I think 'Nothing happened' is better.

After Gary warned them about the Harpy Crow, why did the narrator say 'Gary always told ghost stories'? It doesn't fit. In the next sentence the narrator says that he didn't know if the Harpy Crow was a real species or not, so the fact that Gary used to tell ghost stories shouldn't have popped in his mind in the first place.

I noticed that sometimes you use the same words right next to each other. Example: 'looking at it was like looking'. This is a bit ugly; consider fixing sentences like this.

I am not fond of the ending you got there. It doesn't have any 'impact'. Yes, he saw the Crow at the other side of the window. So what? It didn't harm him, even though it could have, so why should we be scared for the narrator? I know, the crow has a human face, but there is no indication that it wants to harm anyone. In fact, the only information we know about the Crow comes from Gary's words in the beginning. Consider giving us more info, or making the Crow more menacing and hostile.

Overally, I liked the concept, but it would have been better if it was more expanded. Maybe try writing a longer story about what happened after he realised the Crow had been outside his window. That would certainly be interesting.

PS: I have a little nitpick with the story. The narrator says 'he just knows' that the crow following him is the Harpy Crow, but I feel it would have been better if he hadn't and it was being refered to simply as 'a crow'. Knowing that this is the Harpy Crow doesn't add much, but maybe that's just me.