Talk:What the Moon Sees/@comment-26475800-20170116024250

This was a pretty damn good story, shadow. The build up was pretty good, there were a few times where something stood out, we'll get to those, but overall it was pretty damn good. As always, I'm going to start with some of the bad, then get to the good, it's always better to get the bad news out of the way first.

So, the only real complaint I have about this story is that there are moments when it feels dumbed down. Some things that the reader should have made the connection with, but the narrative goes ahead and says anyway. It could just be me, and sometimes I let things go over my head, read Pigs from the Circle and you'll get an idea of something that flew past me the first time. (In my defense, I read it late at night and came to the conclusion in my head, but wasn't sure if I was right or not.) Anyway, when she is deducing some of the evidence outside, that's where it really hits hard. Beyond that, I can't really think of anything else that stood out as a negative.

Okay, now onto what you did great:

The way you gave little bits of information at a time was wonderful. The sections of what her powers were and how she can use them. That she shouldn't be in the funny farm, but is only because people wouldn't believe she was telling the truth about having these amazing powers, the ability to read things that have happened as long as some evidence was still there. Great stuff.

Setting up the scumbag orderly to come in a rape her, only to get fucked in the end, was good. It became a little predicable fairly early, but it was still executed very well. And that you left the ending open to interpretation was great. There are a lot of times when I feel like that is just lazy writing, but it works so well for this story. It reminds me of a story by Stephen King, the ending at least, called: All That You Love Will Be Carried Away. At least I think that's the correct title. It's about a traveling sales man deciding if he's going to blow his brains out or not. Anyway, I feel you used the open ending better than he did in this story.

It left enough open to interpretation that it was able to keep the reader on the edge of their seat, while not being so open that you don't know what the possible outcomes are. It was great. I really, really enjoyed that bit. Absolutely wonderful story, and you did us a great honor for submitting it to our contest. Thank you for your submission.