Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26705150-20160127065734/@comment-27675561-20160127161518

In the sentence "Not because there was anything entertaining or informative but because there was something wrong with what it was playing on the TV. " I would get rid of the word it. Makes it sound chunky.

And I get it, the fog makes you go insane. I feel like how the story was structured, though, took away the suprise feeling you get at the end with the conclusion. So basically, if I told you a joke- but I revealed that hidden idea behind the punch, the joke isn't funny anymore. Like... "So my girlfriend... She's about five inches tall and made of porcelan, and she's the best listener ever. She never runs away and just loves to be in my room all the time. On my dresser. She's always awake and watches me dress and undress." In that statement... Did I ever reveal what she was? No. But you can guess pretty easy, it's obvious. You don't want your writing to be a total riddle that's hard to figure out when making suprise endings like being in the fog the whole time. I would make the obvious facts just before the end- "But wait... My wife, she's already dead. She died before my daughter died. And these broadcasts... There's no way people have live cameras taking action shots, and such vivid personal moments in real time, it's just not feasable..." And then perhaps at the end, describe his experience getting attacked by masked men with the final sentence looking into the opening of a gun barrel held to his face as he lays on the ground, and then there's a loud crack and total darkness in all the senses. But I wouldn't just plainly reveal "Oh, i've been in the fog the whole time."

You see, in things like a horror - it's about what the viewer cannot see. Not about what they can see. or at least, that's what a movie director told me once.

Or maybe it's all just me. Take it with a grain of salt. That's my ten cents.