Talk:The Barrier/@comment-25041416-20140630013228/@comment-26012641-20150213131421

I think the OP was trying to point out that there's a lot of unnecessary baggage weighing down the front half of the story: it goes on for paragraphs and gives us a play-by-play of the characters night, but without much rising suspense. That really reduces the tension, making it hard for readers to become (or stay) invested. With some editing down, this story could be a lot more intense and to the point.