Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28266772-20160707162915/@comment-29015383-20160714090530

Well, since you mentioned that the biggest differences are at the start of the edit I omly skimmed over the parts that detail the tree and ritual itself. If there are major edits in that part compared to the first post, then I missed them. On to my feedback!

''--I didn’t want to read it because it’s nothing to do with, but I thought I’d pass it on to you because it was dated 1969, the same year you were born, and was surrounded by pictures of you as a baby. I thought you might like to open it and see if it tells you something you never knew about yourself.--'' These sentences feel a little off to me (aside from the first part of the first sentence needing to be completed). The writer is sending an old letter written by her mom to her brother because of the date alone? For all she knows it could be a very explicit love letter to a secret lover that the mother kept around for some reason. Did people take frequent baby pictures at the end of the 60s (Honestly don't know)? Maybe an old birthcertificate from Michael could work. As in, one that's dated a month or two (or however much you intend the timeframe to be between the miscarriage and 'rebirth'?) before Michael's actual date of birth?

--Like I said on the phone, I’m very sorry about Jack’s behaviour at the funeral, please don’t hold it against him.-- I think this should be split into two sentences. English isn't my first language so apologies if I get it incorrect, but this feels like a run-on sentence to me.

I ADORE how you described that tree. It's appearance and growth feels visceral and is described in such detail that I can easily imagine how it looks (horrifying). The manner in which the Archivist describes it, it feels like it's a first-hand experience for him instead of a simple retelling. He seems to clearly both respect and fear the creature and through that, made me feel similar towards it despite it not necessarily being hostile. Well, unless you insult it, but isn't that the case with most powerful entities? The addition of individuals that were on the receiving end of the tree's wrath is nice and helps to give it a sense of danger. It will know what you do with the gift, and it will lash out if it disapproves.

--Please reconsider not just for yourselves, but for the sake of the son - Michael - whom you have lost.-- I'm not to sure of that last sentence. I feel like it is a little to much 'in your face' to have Michael's name explicitily stated there. In the first version my brain made the connection between the date of the brother's birth and letter, and the miscarriage mention in the latter part of the letter on its own, and that felt more powerful to me. It gave it that '..oh...OOOH!' feeling (and made me feel smart). But I daresay this is exceptionally subjective so do with it what you will :)

Overall I LOVED reading this. While not necessarily scary, it carries that sense of foreboding and suspense. In my opinion that can leave a much stronger impression than just simple fear. With the manner in which you described the tree and how well you developed it, it makes me wonder if you're planning to have it return later on? I have no idea how you could do this without it feeling bland, but I'm certain that you could find a way, and I would love to read it when you do!