Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20180625160959/@comment-35911608-20180626182752

SoDaft Potato wrote: Well, the ending is certainly much improved. Last time I had to re-read it about five times to get the full context.

Thank you for slowing it down, too. This is one not meant to be rushed. There are one or two cases where you typed "I had had". I'd try shortening that further to "I'd had". It reads easier, gets rid of the speed bump.

But yeah, good revision.

(Just a nitpicky thing, but I noticed a paragraph with a lot of sentences beginning with "and". It's probably alright, but it just caught my attention for some reason.)

Yeah, usually my first drafts are bare bones, just to throw the idea and people and see what they think before putting some effort into it. Glad you liked it though.

I'll go back and smooth out the double had's in there, thanks for pointing that out, and that paragraph you mentioned... was, not supposed to be a paragraph. That's an uploading error on my part. I'll fix that too.