Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9041013-20180824132506/@comment-35711173-20180824220154

BloodySpghetti wrote:

DrBobSmith wrote: Show, not tell. We are told everything. The first few paragraphs read like a sunmary report in a police investigation. "Just the facts, Ma'am. Just the facts."

Massive tightening needed.

Even I spotted spelling errors in a quick glance. You can't build everything... can you? but sure.

You need to build well in the first few paragraphs for sure. If the person expects a police report after reading the first three paragraphs, that's all they will see. You have to nail them or you'll lose them.