Talk:Where's Heaven?/@comment-5733573-20180612162701

The story itself is good, but it's very messily written. I encourage you to read it out loud to yourself and fix anything that sounds awkward, because there's quite a bit. This will just make it tighter and cleaner.

I would also suggest cutting the last paragraph entirely. It's unecessary and exists solely for the purpose of getting the title in there. The title is already pretty obvious from the encounter with dead Morgan.

Good plot. Now you just need to bring the execution up to match.