Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5299148-20140407165309/@comment-25226524-20140919214439

You did a pretty good job on this. The writing is well done. The flow and descriptions were all on point. I have to say the build up was better than the climax in my opinion. I feel like the scene in the unit needs to be more elaborate, and if you could give just a hint of some backstory for why it was in that unit, it would help. Although the ending is a little cliche, it's not bad.

I think you may want to give some little indication of what a manifest is when you first mention it. This is a slightly esoteric use of the word (yes, I see the irony of my statement) and it might confuse some people at first. "This gives way to manifests and keys of all kinds, absent-mindedly laid out for me." This isn't really necessary, it's just something I wanted to mention.

All in all, this is a well written story, with a fairly original concept. I think this will do just fine on the site. I would read it a couple more times, maybe out-loud, to catch a few of the small errors. Good work, and good luck.