Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24859608-20140508204501/@comment-24304936-20140509174937

Not really much else to say, since Nooth summed it up soundly. I'm not much of a ritual pasta fan, but your story has promise. I'd make the perspective from an older person, since (per Nooth), it doesn't seem feasible for a 14 year old to have the kind of wisdom portrayed in the story.

One thing I'd add to make the story cooler, are even more dreadful possibilities to unnerve the reader. In other words, if your instructions in the story aren't followed to the letter, give some more unfortunate consequences to the reader. And be descriptive with them. If done right, you could even condense a few into well-crafted paragraphs. Don't be afraid to add more if it's going to make the story better.