Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30514640-20170121223355/@comment-30514640-20170122004613

I did not notice the grammar and wording mistakes when I first uploaded this story, and do agree that it borrows many tropes. I was originally going for a storyline similar to the real life Undertale genocide run, where killing the characters and doing other such things to the world leads to the game calling you out for such actions, but I admit that a person who kills multiple Sims with a water gun is not likely to be shocked by a newspaper in-game commenting on said Sim murders alarming.

I also feel like I rushed the story towards the end due to the fact that I felt like I had to get it out in a few days and was getting eager for an end about halfway through while writing. The ending with the murder and police investigation was inspired by previous Pasta of the Month winner Necrosleep, and I wanted to state that the protagonist was a killer at the beginning, have him kill both his cousins (but a 3rd cousin of his survived), and make this pasta a journal written before his execution. This was scrapped.

I try to be open to criticism, and do agree with you on many of your points. I would like a reply to this message, and would actually like you to rate this story on a 1-10 scale as silly as that sounds. I will admit that I had doubts about this story, but am shocked that it was deleted shortly after it was uploaded. I am sorry if this is a long or even pointless reply, but thank you for your criticism.

I'm actually not even sure if I want to try re-writing this, and think I might prefer just writing a new, hopefully better story.