User blog comment:Chronoz633/my pasta/@comment-17722390-20130926173109

It needs a bit of editing, if you want to take a crack at it before someone else does. Break up some of those long paragraphs and try to proofread the grammar as well as you can. I think some of the dialogue needs to be quoted and there are a few missing periods here and there. If I have time later I'll check back and see if it needs any of my help ;)

Congrats on your first creepypasta though, nice work! Remember, a quality creepypasta takes time to write, revise, re-write, re-revise, and so on. Don't be afraid to spend a while perfecting the grammar, not just the storyline.