Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24997065-20140920041405/@comment-25444505-20140920213230

The theme is interesting. However, the run-on sentences heavily take from the tone you are trying to set.

Also, how does the narrator know the couple is married? If the narrator actually knows the couple beforehand, then a more interesting dynamic can arise. If not, then the mention of the couple being married seems too arbritrary.

Lastly, the envelpoe seems rather out of place due to its quick mention and dismissal. Especially considering the story is told from a first-person point of view, and the money in said envolope is announced to the reader before the narrator even picks it up.

Just cleaning up the sentence strucre will allow the story to flow more naturally, and tying up the loose ends would bring your story together nicely.