Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29417957-20170611201035

''I decided to write a creepypasta that does not contain a blacklisted subject. In this story, a college student explores an abandoned mental institution with unexpected results.''

I would like to know how I can improve the story, and anyone is welcome to provide their opinion.

I did include pictures in my pasta, which can be found here:

''The pasta is below. Thank You.''

All humans are driven by their curiosity. There is always a desire in our minds to explore the unknown, the mysterious, and get an adrenaline rush out of it.

As for me, I get my adrenaline rush from urban exploration, which involves exploring structures that have been abandoned and left to rot, at the mercy of Mother Nature.

Urban exploration is pretty popular nowadays, thanks to the Internet. If you are an urban explorer with a YouTube account, there’s a good chance that your videos will become viral.

Exploration of abandoned places always has it’s dangers. These dangers include collapsed floors and ceilings, police, gang fights, toxic mold, and carcinogenic fibers from old insulation.

There are, of course, reports of paranormal activity in some of these places, which makes sense, as some of these places have a very dark and disturbing past.

I myself had a run-in with the paranormal a few months back.

At my university, I am currently enrolled in a Cinematography class to pursue my degree in film production.

For Halloween, my instructor, Mr. Anderson, had assigned a Halloween-themed project. Our project was to simply create a scary short film.

As a result of my hyperactive imagination, I came up with the idea of filming something that was terrifying in real life. I wanted to go ghost hunting at a haunted location, catch something scary on camera, and blow the other films from my fellow students out of the water.

All of the places I had explored at that point had ZERO paranormal activity, but I figured my latest destination could change that.

At the edge of town, on a giant hill, stands a complex of buildings that was once a lunatic asylum. There is no modern feel to it’s appearance. When you gaze upon the massive stone towers, you feel that you’re right in the middle of a horror movie.

I’ll present a little bit of history, but I’ll try not to bore you with numerous details.

The asylum was constructed in the late 1800’s under the Kirkbride Plan created by Thomas Kirkbride. Kirkbride believed that the insane should be offered large rooms, fresh air, and sunshine to cure them of their illness.

The asylum was meant to be a safe, comfortable place for the mentally ill, but it eventually became Hell on Earth for it’s patients.

According to federal investigators, there were reports of patients breaking out of their rooms and going on murderous rampages, killing any staff member in their way.

Suicide was common there, as some people hung themselves from the ceiling with bedsheets, while others dipped their heads in pots of boiling water stolen from the kitchen.

The torture of innocent patients became the norm, as some were restrained for so long that their skin grew over the restraints. Some patients were forced to sit in baths of boiling hot or freezing cold water for hours on end.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">Some patients underwent lobotomies. In a lobotomy procedure, an ice pick would be shoved through the patient’s eye socket, and the frontal lobe would be disconnected from the rest of the brain. Some patients would become crippled, while others would be reduced to nonresponsive vegetables.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">The place was eventually closed in the 1970’s due to abuse and neglect.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">With the amount of security swarming the place, it’s almost impossible to break in, but the few teenagers who succeeded in doing so have told all kinds of crazy stories, like slamming doors, floating heads, and disembodied screams. One of the hallways in the building has been nicknamed the "Shadow Hallway,” because shadowy apparitions supposedly roam this hallway.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">As much as I wanted to explore the place, I didn’t want to be an idiot and face charges for trespassing. Luckily, my best friend Dennis is the Sheriff's son, so I asked him to pull a few strings, and it worked. The razor-wire gate at the entrance was unlocked for me, and I had the Sheriff’s note of permission in my pocket, in case I was confronted by a security guard that didn’t get the memo.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">Inside, the place was in surprisingly good condition. There was some graffiti here and there, but otherwise the condition of the complex was near perfect. The ceiling hadn’t collapsed, which was a blessing because I didn’t want wet pieces of rust to fall on my neck.

<p style="font-weight:normal;margin-top:0.4em;margin-bottom:0.5em;font-size:14px;">It seemed that the asylum was closed with a hurry. There were patient records, syringes, gurneys, medical equipment, wheelchairs, and beds scattered inside almost every room; nothing was sold to auction.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">My HD night-vision camcorder was on, and I was ready to go.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">I was walking in one of the dark hallways when I saw it; a dark shadow was rising out of the floor. It’s green eyes flashed like headlights as it stared at me.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">My hands were shaking with excitement as I pointed my camcorder straight at the thing. It eventually turned it’s head away from me, and sank into the floor.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">I couldn’t believe it! I caught a ghost on camera in only five minutes of exploring the place!

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">Unfortunately, the battery on my camcorder died right at that moment. I was irritated and confused, as I had charged it to full capacity shortly before leaving my house, but it didn’t matter. I had evidence. I had captured something real on camera.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">Even though my battery was dead, I decided to keep exploring just for the excitement.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">I was walking through another hallway, somewhere on the top floor, when it happened.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">The hallway contained doors on both sides that were patient rooms. If I remember correctly, I was in the female ward; where the most violent female patients were kept. (There was a sign on the doors.)

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">Without warning, every single door simultaneously slammed shut with a series of loud BANGS. I froze.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">She...It...appeared. There wasn’t a flash of light, no misty fog, no stuff like that that you see in cheesy horror movies. She just appeared out of nowhere.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">She was wearing a simple, white hospital gown. Her skin was as white as a skeleton. Her eyes had no pupils, no irises, and no veins. They were just empty, white circles. A few wisps of blonde hair stuck out of her head at random angles, like strands of hay on a broom.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">She spoke: "You……...Why are you here?  You’re here to watch me suffer, aren’t you?”  Despite her terrifying appearance, her voice was smooth and sweet, dripping with honey as she spoke.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">I stood still, frozen with shock. She continued: ''“Doctor, you told me that you wanted to cure me, so that I could return to society, but you were lying. I knew you were lying.”''

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">''“Every time you locked me in a empty room, and every time you shocked me and burned my flesh, I saw that wicked look of glee in your eyes. You didn’t want to cure me; I was just an experiment to you; a guinea pig for you to toy around with.”''

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">''“Eventually, you got bored with me, so you wanted to have one last experiment. While I was fully conscious, you strapped me to an operating table. You wanted to slice my brain to pieces and watch me scream in the process. You wanted to kill me the most painful way possible, and enjoy my attempts to break free from the straps. You succeeded.”''

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">My eyes wandered to her hands, and I saw the object she was clutching in her right hand.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">It was an ice pick.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">She noticed me looking at the pick and smiled. As she smiled, her face stretched itself apart like bubble gum.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">She spoke one more time: “You see Doctor, all I want……..is a little revenge……..is that too much to ask?”

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">Her mouth then opened into a large, gaping hole as she unleashed the loudest, most bloodcurdling scream I have ever heard in my life, and I hope to never hear it again.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">It wasn’t just your ordinary scream. Her scream entered my head, and it occupied all of my thoughts. It stirred up all of my fears and amplified them to the point that it was causing waves of pain to travel throughout my body. I don't know how else to describe it. It was like she was an embodiment of fear itself.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">I don’t think I need to bore you with the details. She rushed at me with lightning speed, and I ran down the staircases like the building was on fire. When I reached the ground floor, I took a leap of faith and jumped out of a window frame with no glass present. Once I was outside, she didn't follow me.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">At this point, I was soaked with sweat as I walked home, looking behind me every few seconds.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">And yes, I had nightmares. Who wouldn’t, after experiencing what I experienced?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">I'm not going to end this story by warning you not to explore abandoned asylums, as most people are just gonna ignore me and continue to do so anyway. I am simply warning you to be cautious.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-size:14px;">By the way, if it was any compensation, I did end up getting an A+ on my film project. <ac_metadata title="I Explored An Abandoned Asylum &quot;(Unreviewed)&quot;"> </ac_metadata>