Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-43886227-20191016023203/@comment-36627132-20191016030046

It's been a while since I reviewed one of these stories, so hopefully I'm not too rusty.

This looks like something I've reviewed before, but just in case it's something different I'm going to go through this.

The text is bolded which isn't very pleasant looking, and there is too much spacing between paragraphs.

The first (and longest) paragraph takes up most of the story, but besides setting the story up, serves very little purpose. It isn't a good sign when the set up is longer than the build up or the climax.

The heart of the story is also lacking in detail, while ironically the stuff that came before it (the part where we are given too much detail about what the writer mostly writes about, and redundantly how the book was circulated).

We are told that the book was written "in some old, wrinkling, large book" but are never told how it came into his possession, and while this isn't important, we aren't told of its origins. It's just there and that's that. At least, assuming that the manuscript was written in it, and not just all of the published copies.

Also, why would the monster just show up at the author's house? I would assume the author would have written some kind of ending for the story, possibly in which the monster is killed, or something.

The story doesn't really pay off. We are given a long prologue about the writer main character, but within the matter of a minute we are quickly told that the monster is there and gets killed without any conflict.

Then the main character recieves a text from his friend saying that the monster is still watching him. How he knows this is beyond anyone's guess. And if everything that is written down in the book comes true, why didn't the main character just write that the monster dies (and for that matter himself becoming a trillionaire, like anyone else who would have that kind of power would do)?

The creature knocks him out, but doesn't kill him for some reason which makes him feel less threatening.

The concept of things written in a book coming true isn't a unique concept, either. I was immediately reminded of Death Note when I read the part about everything coming true.

As for the spelling and grammar, they could use a spruce up, and I've noticed a tense swap.