Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29969337-20161010111449/@comment-30157838-20161011010423

The major problem that I see in this is primarily the formatting. The idea is...novel, I suppose, but the way it is written is very difficult to get through.

Split things up into proper paragraphs, add some more detail, flesh out your characters some more, and I believe you may have something salvageable here. I like the description of the monster especially, gangly limbs and twisted, creaking bones are amongst some of my favorite traits in ugly beasties, but it needs a good rework before I see it living up to quality standards.

Best wishes.