Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27905100-20160303192601/@comment-24101790-20160303200125

There are quite a lot of issues here so forgive me if I overlook some mechanical errors. A majority of these issues are in punctuation, capitalization, wording and story issues.

Capitalization issues: You have a tendency to capitalize words in the middle of sentences. "Misty, My cat,", "Come to think of it, My friends", "Why, Misty, Why?", etc. There are quite a lot of other instances of this. You also forget to capitalize sentences. "coming. they will get their just desserts.", "in? could she have gotten rabies from that?", "crazy. they deserve what’s coming", etc.

Punctuation issues: Punctuation missing from multiple sentences. "You’d better run for cover when the pup grows up(period missing)" Additionally if you're trying to treat each word as a separate sentence, they need proper capitalization and punctuation. "You’d better run(.)"

Wording issues: Run-on sentences. "Although she can usually be found curled up in my bed, when my friends are over to watch a horror flick with me (I have the best TV out of all of us) my cat is always found either sitting on my lap, staring at the screen intently, especially for the bloody parts.", "She’s never been very underfoot or anything, but, when they try to put down their beer, and Misty is just sitting on the floor, or the side-table next to the couch, they shoo her and tell her to scat or go away.", etc.

Awkward wording. "Misty has also had a taste for the hunt.", "The will be sorry that they hurt my cat.", "If it weren’t for them, Misty wouldn’t be in pain, and I wouldn’t need to kill her to save her from greater pain.", "You’d better run for cover when the pup grows up" also doesn't make much sense as you're talking about cats and pups are defined by small dogs/puppies.

Story issues: It really seems like you didn't research rabies. If she bit the protagonist the day she killed the bat, the possibility of her being a vector is incredibly low. Additionally rabies is typically fatal to anyone that contracts it (100% mortality rate). There isn't even a real focus on the symptoms of the disease (difficulty swallowing, aggression in dogs/tendency to slink off and die in cats, photophobia, double vision, spasms, etc)

Story issues cont.: The story also feels rushed and the protagonist's descent into madness really could use a lot of re-working. The lack of breaks to indicate the passage of time also make it seem like everything is happening in the span of a few days when it should be weeks. It gives the story a glossed over feel. I'm sorry but the story comes off as a generic B movie movie that doesn't quite have a full grasp of the symptoms and is going to need a lot of work (a complete re-write) to bring it up to quality standards.