Talk:The Stolen/@comment-5733573-20180621163447

This is pretty good. I like that you took what could have been a cliche and you built on it and expanded it. I definitely wasn't expecting the second appearance of the creature, so nice job there!

A couple of things don't quite ring true. You write that the creature broke through two walls. If that's so, the police wouldn't just treat this like your average kidnapping case. They'd make at least some fuss about the destroyed house. Secondly, they wouldn't be able to identify and release the body in less than 24 hours going by just a phone that was found nearby. (I should add here, that the "intact phone" detail seems a bit silly and out of place compared to the rest of the story.)  For a body in that condition, it would take at least several days to get dental records or DNA for identification. Because of this, the family would never be able to have the funeral the next day.

Another thing that sticks out about this story is where and what you've chosen to describe. You describe the monster in great detail, but you don't really describe anything else. Description would be especially helpful for when it breaks through walls. As such, I was a little confused by those segments and had to read them over several times. This, I'm sure, is because you just kind of glossed over those details.

Overall, it's a cool story, but if you worked on the things I've just discussed, it could be truly amazing!