Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26250475-20150508014905/@comment-25037895-20150508042435


 * 1) four days I woke up at mid night| Should be "midnight".
 * 2) and I should have touched it just stretch my arm toward the left| Wording issue. "Stretching my arm...?"
 * 3) I found something another abnormal| Wording issue.
 * 4) neon light, street light or moon light| Should be "moonlight".
 * 5) I stretched out my arm toward left carefully| Wording issue. Clunky wording.
 * 6) should feel lucky as I didn’t went into that darkness| Wording issue. "I didn't go..." That sentence is pretty lengthy also, could be shortened.
 * 7) During the day time I have| Should be "daytime".
 * 8) understand why there was cold nature (natural) breeze and| Wording issue.
 * 9) After several seconds I felt I was a little calm down| Should be "calmed".
 * 10) I thought the thing (that) took me here| Wording issue.
 * 11) the flowers in my right direction| Clunky wording.
 * 12) I was surrounded by corps| Should be "corpses".
 * 13) …”I couldn’t even heard (hear) what I was saying| Spacing issue, and clunky wording.
 * 14) showing him as a bright (a) smile as possible
 * 15) whole legs, and numerous| Spacing issue.
 * 16) outside my body and was full of a bud (buds)
 * 17) I heard my blood pumping out from| Spacing issue.
 * 18) Since two year (years) ago such
 * 19) …As it was just picked from a garden.”| As this is a new paragraph part of the same quote, it needs a quotation mark at the start.

I really like the story itself, it had fresh ideas and felt very original to me mostly. Although, if anything, I would say the conclusion could be worked on the most. It seems rushed through and not detailed enough. Good work.