Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33198362-20170927185709/@comment-33198362-20170928145443

AViciousRainbow wrote: I can see where you are going with this, and it's nice. There are a few problems I have with this story though.

The format is odd. I can tell that it is a text, but it doesn't feel like one. Why does it only include the name Carl and not the other person? It has both to and from with the name Carl, but nothing for the other person which is awkward. I get that this person is supposed to be mysterious, but why does Carl not have this despite being just as involved? There are other problems with the format such as the spacing being inconsistent and also the indent at the beginning which isn't used anywhere else.

The story itself is lacking; there is really no context to what is happening. I can speculate that Carl and this other person had some involvement with a crime but there are no clues as to what that crime may be. I also find it strange how that this person talking to Carl is unsure what the James Dockman case is. Is it implied that he is involved in more than just this case or just doesn't care enough to remember the name?

What is meant by breaking the transcript? What is the process and how will it help make tracing anything between Carl and the mysterious other person? Additionally, texting/emails aren't super secure in terms of communication.

Overall, I like the idea, I feel that there needs to be more work. There needs to be more story here as right now it feels like a fragment of something larger. Even if you wanted a more fragmented approach, there should at least be clues and subtle hints throughout to make the story a lot more dynamic. It would be nice to know more about the background and to even have the messages continue longer to give a better picture of what is happening. Remember also to keep the formatting consistent and work on having it be more believable. I edited the spacing and instead of To, Carl, I changed it to you. I also added a few more details about what happened. Thanks for feedback, and I am writing more.