Talk:Red Shoes/@comment-25618483-20141106212113

Fairly creepy.

I have a couple of suggestions.

In the opening paragraph to change it to "it sounded like a childs voice" or "it sounded like a child singing" rather than "it sounded like someone singing"

Everytime after that you say its a child so I just feel it would sound better if the opening paragraph said it sounded like a child rather than someone.

When you meet Shelby you say you became friends quickly because there wasnt really anyone else to be friends with. This makes it sound like you and Shelby were the only two in the apartment building. I would say change that to "Shelby and i quickly became friends and she seemed to be the only other person in the building close to my age." Something like that so it doesnt sound like you are the only two living in the complex.

Final thing instead of saying the walls neede pictures and art, just say "The walls were bare of decoration, but other than that the apartment was perfect." i think that would flow a little better.

i think if you make those couple changes it will be some very delicious pasta!