Talk:Brú na Bóinne/@comment-26030957-20150727020226

I love spooky stories about historical places, so this was great.

Your descriptions of Newgrange and its history were fantastic. A few sentences I thought stood out:

“They say that after long exposure to silence and darkness in the chamber, ye’ start to hear voices and see shapes.”--now that is a creepy sentence, so creepy I'd maybe consider starting the story with it.

"Míchael straightened out his arms and buried both his hands into the pockets his long, grey coat. This, with his pale complexion, grey fedora, pale pink lips, grey pupils and tired, baggy eyes made him look somewhat like a living statue," this was clear and concise and gave a very visual description.

The build up of tension as exemplified by the Americans was quite effective especially when one of them begins to weep.

You asked me to examine your dialogue so I guess that is where I will focus the rest of my review.

It seemed to flow well and nothing felt forced at all. There was a lot of Irish brogue that sounded good to my untrained ear. I enjoy different dialects in writing. I am a huge Irvine Welsh fan and love the way he incorporates Scottish slang into his work. If I had any advice it would be to try and differentiate their personalities with their speech. For instance, Robert, being a college student, might speak more clearly with less of an accent, saying "yes" instead of "ye" and "him" instead of "im". Michael might come off even creepier if he spoke with such a rural and antiquated accent that they even had a hard time understanding him. For instance, when he says this, "“Okay, everyone gather around in a semi-circle, tall people at the back, we’re going to turn off the lights now” if he said it in a really heavy brogue and one of the Americans was like, "Dude, what the fuck is he even saying?" and he shoots an evil glare at them, it might be kind of cool and creepy and foreshadow the events to come.

I mentioned Irvine Welsh a moment ago and he is a master of revealing character with dialect. Renton, for instance, is the more intellectual of the bunch and speaks fairly well, while Begby speaks with such a heavy Scottish accent and uses so much slang that it sometimes hard to even tell what the hell he is saying, and Nikki, being an intelligent girl working on her master's degree, speaks elegantly with hardly a trace of an accent.

So, a fun and spooky Irish ghost story, just what I asked for! Thank you so much. Let me know if you want me to review any of your other stories and I'll try to squeeze them onto my list.