Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26072487-20151107131803/@comment-27012445-20151107211448

The plot really didn't work for me. Right from the start, there is this intro that real make little sense "He is a YouTuber who uploads videos with his family and on occasion, with one of his family" Your reasoning for the suicide needs to be much stronger than simple bullying, especially if you are going to use an adult married with children in the bullied roll. Either that expend on the impact of the bullying, it has to be more interesting than the last name thing. Shoot, my last name is Hawke and I got jokes all the time about flying over people's car and pooping on them, or called chicken-Hawke. As an adult extremely trivial and definitely not really anything worth ending a life over, like your character did, nor cause a family kill themselves in a domino effect. The end, I did not get the paranoia call out.