User blog comment:Holly Bailey/Why I Don't Want Children/@comment-25569708-20170405231627/@comment-26030957-20170407033612

Besides my expertise in impregnating human females, I've also done some goats.

Listen up, this is interesting.

Impregnating a goat is the exact opposite of impregnating a human.

With a goat, the first thing you do is open the vaginal walls and, using a flashlight, find the cervix. You then insert your hypodermic loaded with male semen into it and release the substance.

Then, you massage her nipples to stimulate her reproductive glands.

You then pet her and tell her everything is okay.

You then take her for a long walk, to work the semen in and relax her.

Then you feed her a good mixture of alfalfa and oats.

With a human, the first thing you do is take her out to dinner.

Then you take her for a long walk on the beach.

Then you massage the breasts to stimulate her glands.

And once it is over you hold her and tell her that it's all right. You really do love her (which may or may not be a lie).

One last thing, after a life time of desperately pulling out and praying that your girlfriend isn't pregnant, it is so weird to actually try to do the deed!