Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26560003-20150702014946/@comment-24101790-20150702020157

Punctuation errors: "“I have tests tomorrow.” “It’s a school night.”" (You do not need to separate dialogue with two sets of quotations when there is no intervening action and it is spoken by the same person. Words that directly impact each other should be hyphenated. "all nighter." Commas/colons missing where needed: "The note read “Peed herself”", "The note read “Tried to run”.", " The note read “Stood frozen”.", etc.

Punctuation errors cont.: "Not even a year ago my house caught on fire.", "Who were those people? .I(extra period not necessary)", "I have no idea what time it is but there’s no way I’m going to be able to go back to sleep."

Spacing issues: Your story needs to be more broken up. The original had a large paragraph at the end that needed spacing and the latter was all one paragraph. "Dr.Pepper," Should be spaced as well as "maybe?I", etc.

Capitalization: Won’t turn on; My (my) fucking luck." Additionally that is a broken sentence. Wording errors: "When I get there I realize it’s (a) Polaroid picture".

Story issues: The story would be a lot more effective if you built up the plight of the recipients of the Polaroid photo. Instead, it comes off as rushed. 'I found a bunch of Polaroids and then weird stuff happened.' "I normally do good in situations like these. Not even a year ago my house caught on fire. My parents were away, and I got my little sister out only because I stayed calm." Explain why the protagonist is unsettled by this, make the audience see why he feels danger because looking at photos with captions of "Peed herself" aren't very fear-inspiring so the scene comes off as out-of-place.