Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20170815015015/@comment-4849011-20170815201805

I'll be quick because I want to rest my eyes, but I enjoyed this. The idea of there being alternate places and one being unsure if they're the real one or an alternate version (as well as Kes wondering what is this weird stuff that's happening to her) gives this even more of a surreal and magical feel, even in a world in which supernatural and magical things are known to exist. I like how you describe the being's approach as something Kes sees in dream walking/her mind's eye because it adds to that unsettling feeling. Is this something she's imagining, or is what she's picturing all too real?

I would like to point out a couple issues. Some sentences end with quotation marks when they shouldn't. I'm assuming they're leftover from the version in which Kes is telling the story to her new pets. Speaking of which, the line, "I’ve got to tell somebody--even though that somebody’s a house pet," seems odd in a version that doesn't have Kes talking to pets. You should probably add something to that so it fits better in this version.