User talk:TheAzumangaDaiohFan

Archive 1

Archive 2

Archive 3

Archive 4

Archive 5

Archives
Hmm... I'm only confident about archiving my own talk page, but I'll pass on the instructions Jay Ten gave me.

To start, bring up a submission page like you're going to add a story, and put this as your title- User talk:TheAzumangaDaiohFan/Archive 5

Then in another tab bring your talk page up in the editor, then highlight and copy it. Next, go back to the archive page you're creating and paste your talk page into the editor, then submit. Lastly, go back, clear your talk page, and add the link to your archive at the top of your new blank talk page.

I hope that helps. It worked for me when I tried it. You might want to ask our mutual friend Vroom for help too. As for the Pokemon story, it's good you're making progress. I don't know if you saw, but I am interested in seeing the chapter outline. Raidra (talk) 20:31, January 10, 2016 (UTC)


 * I saw your post about archiving on Raidra's talk page, so I archived it (sorry if I overstepped my boundaries). I don't mind doing it, you can ask me any time and I'll be glad to do it. I suck at explaining, so it's just easier for me to do it than to explain it, but Raidra explained it really well.


 * Also, I'll look over your pasta on Friday. If I haven't stated that I've begun looking it over by then, come to my talk page and ride me about it. I meant to do it last week, but I've been busy verbally jousting with UPS's HR over the phone about my paychecks that I still haven't received, writing a contest entry, job hunting and trying to figure out how to upgrade my Desktop with a better processor, so I haven't had much time. I give you my word that I'll get to it though, I'm very sorry about the delay. Thanks for being patient and cool about it :) Buckle up   I'm going to be popular  22:48, January 10, 2016 (UTC)

Gotta Catch em All
Cool! Let me know how that goes :D Also, does it take place in Johto or is it a new region (Brasswood is a new town/city as far as I know)? I plan on looking over your story tomorrow and trying to find things to nitpick. Thanks for your patience! Buckle up  I'm going to be popular  08:11, January 12, 2016 (UTC)


 * Gotcha, I was a bit confused since you said that her dad used to be a gym leader in Johto and then mentioned Brasswood. Buckle up   I'm going to be popular  22:35, January 12, 2016 (UTC)


 * You should definitely implement your Delibird idea! Feel free to make an account and post your story on my forums under the User Writings section: http://vroomvroom.freeforums.net/
 * (I'd hate for you to go through the effort of writing it and not having anywhere to post it). Buckle up   I'm going to be popular  03:42, January 13, 2016 (UTC)

Corrections
I don't know if you've got a newer version of the story out, but here's the one that I am looking at: http://pastebin.com/DWYAjLVv

I have spotted an error on the first sentence of line 21: "From what I remember, it was pretty nice place." You need to insert "a" between "was" and "pretty". I'll post more corrections/issues as I continue to read through it (my computer is bad about overheating). Buckle up  I'm going to be popular  22:23, January 12, 2016 (UTC)


 * On line 83: "She then took a few deep breaths and tried to figure out a way to disguise it." I recommend explaining how she disguised her voice as it was never stated (you might have her communicate with the samurai through writing and have her lie that she is mute or took an arrow to the throat in battle). Buckle up   I'm going to be popular  19:41, January 15, 2016 (UTC)


 * Line 107: "Kristy please! Don't act like your the only one who isn't happy about your father's company forcing him to transfer to another branch for God knows what!" Your should be you're.  Buckle up   I'm going to be popular  19:46, January 15, 2016 (UTC)


 * I have a bit of a personal taste problem with line 151: She just saw the samurai and was hyperventilating, but now she decides to just ignore it and continue playing the video. That's the last thing anyone would do if they saw/thought they saw an intruder in their house.


 * I don't know what plans you have for the Samurai and its relation to the video, but perhaps you could make it to where the Samurai wants her to see the end of the video since she started watching it and thus presses the play button and holds her down, forcing her to watch the rest of the video? There's something sinister about something forcing you to watch a video and that would give you an easy doorway to go full-on horror mode with the pasta. That's just my opinion and I apologize if I came across as rude :) Buckle up   I'm going to be popular  20:57, January 15, 2016 (UTC)


 * Nah, I don't have anything better. Let me know when you add some more chapters and I'll be happy to look over it again! Hopefully it doesn't take me as long to give you feedback next time. Also, that Haunting Hour sounds interesting. I think I can vaguely recall The Blob That Ate Everyone. Buckle up   I'm going to be popular  06:11, January 16, 2016 (UTC)

PokeDraft
Thanks! I'll review it when I'm able. Raidra (talk) 23:58, January 15, 2016 (UTC)

I thought this was good. From the beginning it was very realistic. With that first line about Emily's prayer to Arceus you established the belief system of the character and that society. I could identify with the character- her fear and other emotions. I also thought it was interesting how she made sure the package was sent on ahead. She's conflicted, but still cares about others.

There were a couple typos.
 * Section 2- Brief flashbacks of Emily's family are shown and start out with a happy but flawed family and gradually leads up to a broken and unhappy divorced family, where her father Jason is kicked out of the house by her mother Sarah and is ordered to not only stay away from the property but to never see Emily again.- Brief flashbacks of Emily's family are shown and start out with a happy but flawed family and gradually lead up to a broken and unhappy divorced family, where her father Jason is kicked out of the house by her mother Sarah and is ordered to not only stay away from the property but to never see Emily again.
 * Section 14- Emily the sees Penny perform a powerful Dig attack against the man's Nidorino.- Emily then sees Penny perform a powerful Dig attack against the man's Nidorino.
 * Section 28- The clerk in the mart greets Emily and observing her small statute, slides a box over to the counter to help Emily reach it.- The clerk in the mart greets Emily and, observing her small statute, slides a box over to the counter to help Emily reach it.

Other than that I have nothing but praise. I'm eager to see the next installments. Keep up the good work! :-) Raidra (talk) 00:16, January 17, 2016 (UTC)

Memories light the corners of my mind
It sounds good to me. Raidra (talk) 14:15, January 18, 2016 (UTC)

Title explanation
It's the opening line of the Barbra Streisand song "The Way We Were" (from the movie of the same name). I thought of it since your story opened by talking about memories.

I enjoyed the expansion. It does even more of what the original draft did- provide background and allow the reader to identify with the character. Whether you have it on a blog or elsewhere, let me know when you have more. Raidra (talk) 05:08, January 19, 2016 (UTC)