Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20190221225024/@comment-36393004-20190222023112

DrBobSmith wrote: L0CKED334,

Grammar/punctuation/spelling, etc:

She grasped it tight in her hand and shoved it forward.

Would "tightly" be better?

It was stuck, almost as if glue to the wood.

Would "glued" be better?

From beyond the trees a figure appeared in black.

I think you need a comma after trees.

Emma had been taught long ago that many of the Christian traditions had been borrowed from Pagan ones and adapted to form what we know of as Christmas.

I don't think you need the of in "of as Christmas." Try "as Christmas."

Run-on Sentences:

Mr. Winthrop raised his voice in an attempt to remind them all that the assignment would be due before each of them left for the holiday break but few of them were paying any attention.

Jeremy did not share this class with Emma and as she took her seat she gave a slight giggle at the sight of the boy being escorted from the room.

The sight caused her to look upward for a moment while calling for Jeremy once more, “If you don’t cut it out I am going back insi-,” her words were cut short as a cloth-covered hand clamped down across her mouth.

You have torn me away from God’s grace,” Jeremy’s saliva scattered across her face as he yelled, “You are an evil and spiteful witch and it is time you were punished for cursing me with this.

Confusing and Awkward:

In that tiny space she found herself wishing that the gods her great-grandmother could really hear her pleas and help remove this pain.

This is confusing. Something feels like it is missing around the gods and her great grandmother. Should this be

In that tiny space, she found herself beseeching the gods of her great-grandmother to remove this pain. Thank you for taking the time to read this and give me your input. I appreciate the adjustments you have suggested and have edited the story accordingly. How did you feel about the story itself though?