Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5835529-20140906051432/@comment-5619531-20140908012353

Okay. For first off you have to remove that dreaded  stuff. As I usually say for comical purposes, it hurts my virgin eyes. And I'm not the only one that says it when it comes to this dreaded formatting. If the whole entire wiki who reviews this stuff sees it, they'll say the same thing too. "OW, MY VIRGIN EYES! THEY BLEED BECAUSE OF THIS FORMATTING!" So use source mode when uploading it; don't use visual mode. It just ruins an article with formatting.

Anyways, let's get to the grammar/spelling. I wanted to do the story first, but I am noticing a whole lot of stuff that is wrong with this grammar/spelling wise. You are abusing the commas, and that you are not properly capitalizing stuff. I's are automatically capitalized. When you put down "well what if i told you, it was not just a reflection, but a different universe... " When it's "Well what if I told you it's not a reflection, but a different universe." Since the commas you used are wrong, here's a list of using commas correctly

You are using ellipses (...) wrong. You used "a trapped soul looking for a opportunity to be... FREE." correctly, but the rest like "Reflections are what you are... a trapped soul looking..." is wrong. I would use -- rather than an ellipse. You do have a terrible way with punctuation that I would suggest you should google how to punctuate stuff, and proof read the stuff for any awkward wording or phrasing (since explaining every single punctuation error on this story would just be hours of typing for me.)

Now, onto the story:

The first sentence already knows to where this is going to, and I like the idea of it. But I feel that the other sentence feels like it belongs in the Matrix: "well what if i told you, it was not just a reflection, but a different universe.." Not saying that you shouldn't use this, but it's a thought that I had gotten from when I read this.

The thing that got me confused right away was the "Its a miracle!" part. I was writing something about how it's unrealistic to make parents complete dickheads that doesn't care about their children. I would include something about the parents being scared that their child disappeared for days. Unless if you do intend to make them dickheads, then it's unrealistic and I would remove that.

So those weren't voices that the author was hearing? What was it? Casper haunting the house? You said you had heard some chanting, but it's not voices? Wat.

I would introduce your age setting in the beginning of the paragraph. I can already tell by how old the narrator is supposed to be because he went to sleep in his room?

Other than those flaws, I think that you should proof read the stuff again and perfect it on punctuation and remove the awkward phrasing/wording. Because it's hard to understand most of it when it's so damn awkward.