Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35327912-20180416215131/@comment-32764586-20180416220405

First advice, work on grammar and spacing please. There's none here. It's all one big paragraph.

Secondly, there's no real story here. No meat. This sounds like a storyboard rather than a story. I don't really know what the plot is here, if there is one. You'll need to majorly flesh this out.