User talk:Tide16

Welcome
Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Lake And The Woods page.

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Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!

SoPretentious (talk) 18:39, July 15, 2016 (UTC)

Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied.

'''DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules.'''

Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make.

Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards.

For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback.

Jay Ten (talk) 18:43, July 15, 2016 (UTC)

Re:
It has a lot of issues, my friend. There are mistakes with punctuation/grammar/word choice/capitalization/etc. "Its" is possessive and "It's" means "It is". In the first paragraph I see "it's mouth" and "it's eyes". You've got way too much excess here. You really need to focus on cutting it down. Get rid of the filler. If we don't need to know or it's not driving the story forward, get rid of it. Your dialogue is also punctuated wrong, as well as having capitalization issues after the quote. Never use a period to close a quote if you're identifying the speaker after. Correct example: "Then I ran to the end of the street," she said. Keep in mind you don't capitalize "she" in that instance, even if the quote is closed with a question mark or exclamation: "Get out of there!" she yelled.

Please look over our style guide and work on some of these issues while you wait for further feedback in the workshop. Good luck!

Jay Ten (talk) 19:36, July 15, 2016 (UTC)


 * I'm sorry, but you keep referencing Penpal and I'd really avoid comparing it to it as it does not really do any favors for your story. Basically everything I mentioned in the review explains the issues that are present. (The padding, the awkward wording, the superfluous content, the generic descriptions, the weak ending, the numerous grammatical, typos, capitalization, wording issues, etc.) You can keep trying to justify these issues and explain them with unwritten/unreferenced subtext, but I can safely say that this story needs a lot of work. Rather than debating the issues, I would suggest actually working on your story otherwise it's very likely you aren't going to improve your writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:54, July 18, 2016 (UTC)


 * Now you're just reaching. I'm sorry, but until you decide to revise your story and correct the numerous issues present, I'm afraid I'm going to have to stop responding to your posts as this is wasting time I could otherwise be devoting to people working on their stories and not making half-hearted excuses. So far you've had three separate people pointing out issues (Jay, me, Demuerto) in your story. Ignoring that feedback/trying to refute obvious issues doesn't speak well to your character or focus an author. Have a good day. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:12, July 18, 2016 (UTC)

Re:
There's actually no way for us to override that. The wiki simply won't allow two pages with the exact same title. I'm sure you can think of another one if you put some thought into it.

Jay Ten (talk) 20:01, July 22, 2016 (UTC)


 * "If it weren't for how tired I was, I probably wouldn't have gotten any sleep that night." I have to say, I don't like the way this sounds, but because it's a hypothetical statement, "were" is the proper choice.  At the very least I would break up that contraction to "were not". Also, I personally don't like the word "gotten", but feel free to use it. Plenty of people do. If you want my opinion (which you probably don't), I would write the sentence like this:

"If I hadn't been so tired, I probably wouldn't have slept that night."

or

"If it hadn't been for how tired I was, I probably wouldn't have slept that night."


 * Jay Ten (talk) 21:05, July 22, 2016 (UTC)

Warning
Please read the forum rules as your latest post violated our guidelines about having multiple threads for the same story. Failure to follow the guidelines set will result in a temporary ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:41, July 24, 2016 (UTC)


 * Now you have been blocked for one day for violating forum rules after being warned. Please only open one workshop thread per story.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 22:52, July 24, 2016 (UTC)


 * You simply go to the original thread and click the edit button thats in the original box near the bottom in the box titled "More" or you post the revised version in the comment section below. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:10, July 26, 2016 (UTC)


 * It's up to you. It doesn't matter to us either way.  Also, please start signing your talk page messages by either clicking the signature button or typing four tildes like this ~


 * Jay Ten (talk) 15:29, July 26, 2016 (UTC)

Re:
I saw. Feel free to ask if you're unsure about any of our site rules. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:23, July 27, 2016 (UTC)


 * I think I'm going to leave the reviewing to other people as I see you've left in quite a lot of grammatical ("It's eyes were black and soulless."), capitalization ("so we decided to drive to a subway about 25 minutes away."), and story issues that I mentioned previously so I don't think they need to be pointed out to you two times in a row. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:21, July 27, 2016 (UTC)


 * I suggest re-reading what I wrote as frankly this is just looking lazy ("I pulled it out of it's sheathe.", "it's lips were drawn back in a snarl", "showing off it's fangs.", etc.) and it seems like you're doing everything in your power to not fully proof-read and spend time on your story. As I'm busy with other things, and you're not really taking this seriously, I'm moving on. Best of luck to you. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:13, July 27, 2016 (UTC)


 * If those were the only issues you were overlooking (I used those as an example of how you've ignored mechanical/plot issues from my previous feedback), I wouldn't consider it lazy, but there are a lot of issues present in my feedback that you're casually ignoring while requesting a review to point out the same issues present in your revision. Finally, sign your messages, it's getting to be a pain to have to sign all your messages for you. (Jay pointed out how to do it above, another thing you don't seem to be reading.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:27, July 27, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Review
Well first off I'm not actually an admin; my name being green just means I have some extra editing abilities. But yeah I'll take a look at your story when I get the time and I'll be glad to tell you what I think. And please use four tildes at the end of your post when on a talk page, like this: ~

That way you will leave a signature and I can identify who's talking to me.

" Don't get hot and flustered ,  use a bit of mustard !"  19:36, July 27, 2016 (UTC)


 * Your story was already given feedback by both Dr. Frank N. Furter and Dorkpool since my review. Also because I'm visiting friends in my hometown I will be too busy to sit down and provide necessary feedback. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:28, August 13, 2016 (UTC)

Re:
Yes, you can post it as a reply.

Jay Ten (talk) 16:08, August 14, 2016 (UTC)


 * I can understand not wanting to give up on the story, and I don't really suggest you do. The thing is, if you don't take the time to do some of the things I mentioned and you keep having people tell you how to mold your story so it works, then eventually it won't be your story anymore; I'm sure you don't want that.  If you practice with shorter stories and do some of the things I suggested, then you have a better chance of improving that story on your own in the future.  And we by no means need fast starting stories, but stories riddled with frivolous information are a chore for any reader to get through.  That story could easily be cut down to a third of its current length.


 * Keep reading and practicing. Good luck.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 18:17, August 15, 2016 (UTC)

Writers Workshop story
Hey, sorry for the slow reply. I'll take a look at it and leave you some feedback.

Best,

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 23:55, August 17, 2016 (UTC)

Re:
Only if it's a continuation of the sentence and the word isn't a word that is always capitalized. Here are a few examples:

Correct - "Get out of there!" she yelled.

Incorrect - She yelled, "Get our of there!" after hearing that, everything went silent. (The word "after" needs to be capitalized because it's the start of a new sentence.)

Correct - "Get out of there!" I yelled.

Jay Ten (talk) 13:32, August 22, 2016 (UTC)

Re:
I have no idea why it won't let you reply. Everything looks like it's working fine. You can always replace your actual post with the new version and put (Revised) at the top. It's up to you. In case you forgot how, you simply hover your mouse pointer over the lower right corner of the post and a button that says "More" will appear. Just click that and then click "Edit" to bring it up in editor mode.

Jay Ten (talk) 21:24, September 12, 2016 (UTC)


 * Just make another one. I'll remove the old one.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 02:16, September 19, 2016 (UTC)

Re:
I need to see the sentence. An exclamation point is really the only way to guarantee a reader will read a word as being yelled. Of course, you can always find a way to describe how a piece of dialogue was said in the identifying statement that follows. Let me see an example so I can know what you're doing.

Jay Ten (talk) 13:00, October 11, 2016 (UTC)


 * In that instance all you can really do is use italics to add emphasis. I suppose if you wanted to have a pause you could get by with using an exclamation point followed by an ellipsis: "Speak!... when you are spoken to."


 * Either of those two options should be fine. Italics would be the most common.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 16:15, October 12, 2016 (UTC)

Story Deletion
I had to delete the story after spotting several mistakes before getting through the opening paragraph. Also, when you put a story in the workshop, please don't upload the story as an article right after. The workshop is for getting help on stories that have been deleted or haven't yet been submitted. I'll use your workshop post to point out the mistakes in that first paragraph to get you started.

Jay Ten (talk) 13:09, October 16, 2016 (UTC)


 * I think you need to take a breather. I didn't delete your story because I didn't like it. I deleted it because it is riddled with errors and very awkwardly written. I chose to highlight what was wrong in the first paragraph to show how many errors there were in such a short span.  You can imagine how many are in the rest.  And why should someone keep reading a story if the first paragraph is terrible?  What is their incentive?  Do they owe you their time?  And time spent on something has nothing to do with quality.  I've been very patient with you so far, but if you start getting hostile, I will have to be much more honest with you in the future.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 00:15, October 17, 2016 (UTC)


 * You're not understanding me. Writing isn't as simple as you want it to be.  The problem isn't with what I want, but rather with your writing.  You've had a problem of deflecting issues since you came here, and I see you have no intentions of changing that.  So, in other words, I'm done wasting my time.  You seem to think I owe you something for some reason, but I don't.  At this point, from what I've seen, you honestly need to stop and just focus on reading for a while.  I told you to try something shorter, and you come back with a huge story.  You've been told the issues by me, Empy, and others over and over, and you still keep having the same problems.  I'm not going to keep going down this road.  And you need to take your own advice and be patient.  You put your story in the workshop at the same time you uploaded it.  Leave it in the workshop for a while and see what others say.  Don't ask me for any more advice.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 00:50, October 17, 2016 (UTC)