Talk:Gone Missing/@comment-25170312-20141028002904

Sorry, but no. Why are they camping? A search party wouldn't camp out unless they needed to search somewhere far from civilization, like the mountains. They search in the daylight and then go home when it gets dark. If she was last seen a few blocks from where you are (which you only describe as "outside the city"), then you are obviously still in a town, or there wouldn't be blocks. Why are you camping at a campsite just outside of town? None of it makes any sense.

So you mention creepypasta, and then are told to "go to sleep". Even though I hate Jeff the Killer, that didn't even ruin it for me. What really ruins it is the fact that he writes in his journal while having a knife in his stomach and IN THE DARK. Maybe it's a smart phone and he's typing it? Even so, this is ridiculous.

How exactly did the victims die of internal organ failure if all their organs were no longer in their bodies?

Why does the main character use ellipses in a journal to show he's stuttering his speech in shock? He's writing, not speaking. No one would do that. Especially if they are scared. They would be writing quickly and probably wouldn't even use punctuation. Just another example of why people shouldn't use journal style if they aren't going to take these things into consideration.

The main character's fear was somewhat believable, so it's not a total loss. But really, it's broken as it is. No bueno.