Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34296765-20160531232029/@comment-27838637-20160601110633

ChristianWallis has beaten me to reviewing the story! Haha well he wrote pretty much exactly what I was going to write, but I think I could add a few things for you.

I personally find micropastas harder to review because I just find them lacking in description and characterization (The Angel Statue is one example of a Micropasta that I just can't like and find to be over-reated). However, I find that this story has alot of potential, despite the fact that it is so short.

My first piece of advice is to take Christian's advice. He definitely knows what he is talking about and you would benefit from his critiques.

In my opinion, there should be a reference to the parents somewhere before the big reveal that his assailants are his parents. That would just make the twist seem a litttle less random. Something like - "He just wished he could be out of this terrible situation, perhaps back at home with his loving parents; no matter how impossible that fantasy seemed to be"

Personally, I find the whole homework situation a little cheesy. I don't know if homework was a pivotal plot point or not, but I think it is a little unrealistic, despite the obvious insanity of the parents. It would be alot more realistic if the parents dialogue was something along the lines of: "You've disrespected your father and I for the last time, son." But that's just my personal opinion, it's really up to you.

The insects being dumped into the box is pretty cool, but there is a little plot hole (I think). They pour one cup into the brass box, and the same sentence describes how her son would 'drown in' it. More description is needed here just to make the scene as disturbing as it is meant to be.

As for the title; The Brass Box is fine. If you were looking for other title ideas, I have listed some below. I'm not sure if they have been used or not so you'll have to check it out yourself.

Arthropods -- Entomophobia -- Insectophobia -- Filicide -- Homework/Disrespect.

Personally I prefer 'The Brass Box' but that decision is up to you. I really enjoyed the story, and my critiques are just nitpicking. With some more little edits this could be posted onto the wiki, and maybe even recieve a nomination for CPotM!

A_O.