Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20190516082446/@comment-9041013-20190517201008

Another random dimension traveling animal? ''Shock. ''

''Looks better than the Rake, albeit there are some similarities. ''

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Overall, it's good as usual, it's kind of hard to forget this kind of good plot so the long breaks don't bother me. Couple issues though did bother me;

1. Everything goes weird and the guys argue over a blunt when they're kind of worried about your version of Angra Mainyu (it's a Fate series reference more than a Zoroastrianism one), I guess you've tried to keep it at least a bit light and somewhat realistic, because we both know, people would hate losing a blunt. Still felt kind of weird and out of character.

2. The closing few lines. Clay starts going off about the Wyrm encounter acting like he's having traumatic flashbacks up to the point where he hits the middle of his explanation and then it kind of dies. Like he's apathetic towards the trauma he suffers from. "This died, that died, we met this, we met that"

You usually write in a discriptive style where the actions and the feelings of a character come off clearly through their speech, here Clay doesn't show much emotion. His speech is clear, steady and devoid of a mental shitstorm. It gets worse with the way he goes on to say how he can't handle the issue, "Not now" basically and walks off calmly... The Wyrm didn't fuck him up at all it appears.

Did you rush the ending?