Talk:Spiderland/@comment-26193563-20150614165857

Okay, Umbrello! I don't know you and all, but it seems like you're a good writer here! So I'm reviewing "Spiderland," by the great Umbrello! Hahaha...

Quitting my falsely euphoric mood, let's kick off this critique with the title. Evidently "Spiderland" is some sort of album. Since this was written for a song competition, and from the previous comments below, and my quick glimpse at "Carol," this piece seems to fit the song well. Moving on.

For a brief summary: a father named Kent loses his son Brian at a ride in a carnival called Spiderland, wakes up in a mysterious place to find him, fails, and then the "spiders" dragged him home.

So, the beginning was suspenseful. Yes, when Brian goes into the funhouse, it's sorta obvious what's going to happen, and Kent, loving his son, tries to find him, he gets unconscious and emerges in a strange place.

Some issues I'd like to point out: why does Brian suddenly disappear? Why does everyone suddenly not know Kent and his son? Had Brian also lost consciousness by hypnotizing, and then be kidnapped by overgrown spiders? When Kent woke in the strange land, shouldn't he shocked? Scared? I know if I fell unconscious and then woke in a place entirely different, I'd be like WTF style.

While this pasta is long, there isn't too many problems. It's progressing naturally, and when you used the lyrics it was pretty nice. However, why won't the man at the shack let him stay?

At some point in this story comes Carol. Now, there was no reference to her earlier, it says that she's Kent's wife, but what is her significance in the story? A reminder of guilt to Kent?

When Kent arrives at the village, why does everyone ignore him? What is that place? Apparently a spider's den, and when he gets to where Brian was kept, I assume that the spiders were going to eat him...but why Brian? A lot of kids went into the funhouse, but why was Brian chosen?

Kent now sprints away from them spiders, his worst fear, and tries to do suicide with the one-bullet pistol. Just then, Carol calls to remind Kent what a coward he was. This makes Kent regret all his actions, then he acts like a pussy as some beings drag him away to...where? Where is home? Is he going to be a meal for the spiders? What has happened to Kent? I thought the ending was a bit vague, although sort of creepy and mysterious.

Overall, it was a compelling read, and I enjoyed it, but the lack of realism (reactions, vagueness) dock a few points. A 7/10 will be the final score.