Talk:Shadows of the Hallow Past

Remember to put spaces after punctuation. With space "He was dead. I couldn't believe it." Without space "He was dead.I couldn't believe it." Potting spaces after punctuation makes it easier to see it, especially periods. Its also easier to read because a lot of people are used to it. I corrected the error in this pasta. In the future try to remember that you need spaces after your punctuation. Reviewing your stories before uploading them will help you catch errors like this.

There are a few other things that I would like to bring to your attention. You don't have to make any changes if you don't want to, this is your story. It just seems like you could use a little help.

"My experience was barely unexplainable," This sounds like it was almost explained. For example these sentences mean the same thing. "This pie is barely uncooked. This pie is almost finished cooking." The sentence "My experience was barely unexplainable," means the same thing as "My experiences was almost explainable"  I don't know if that is what you meant or not but the sentence seems a little strange to me so I mentioned it.

"I was looking at the window, just gazing in the sky." Did you mean gazing into the sky?

"I was left inside my apartment." If the character was left who or what left them? For example "With my roommate gone for the weekend I was left alone in my apartment." "The vision faded and I was left inside my apartment." "I was the only living thing left in my apartment." or even "The horrible, gruesome, ghastly, night-gast, fled and left me in my apartment."

"It was weird seeing something strange." This sentence is a little odd. It is saying "It was weird to see something weird." It seems like you couldn't quite figure out how to put it but you meant something like, "It was strange to really see something like that." or “Its strange to see something like that standing in your bed room. Its the kind of thing you hear about on paranormal shows.”

"In just a moment, the shadow looked at me." Did you mean "for just a moment," or "Then the shadow looked at me."?

"Staring at me, with its red eyes, and sharp claws,"  This could sound like the creature is staring at the character with its claws as well as its eyes. Perhaps something like this would work better, "Staring at me with its red eyes, its sharp claws glinting in the light from the window."

"my heart suddenly started beating at its highest level little by little." I honestly don't know what you mean by "little by little." What is happening little by little? The characters heart suddenly starts beating faster so that can't be it. You mite want to clarify this.

"It steadily jumped out of my window." This may be my problem but it seems a little confusing, probably because something steady is often continuous. He swam steadily. She ran steadily for 15 minutes. Saying someone steadily jumped out of your window could convey that their movements were steady but it also makes me think, at least at first glance, that the action continues. It jumped out of my window steadily for two hours. Maybe something like, "In one steady movement it jumped out of my window."

"My heart was now raising beat by beat." Did you mean "racing"?

"I couldn't endure myself sleeping in that room." This is a little confusing. To me it sounds like the character is saying, "I couldn't stand myself when I slept in that room." Perhaps it would make more sense to leave out "Myself" and just write "I couldn't endure sleeping in that room."

"Until now, no one Believes me..." This seems a bit abrupt and seems to assume that the reader believes the story. Truthfully some readers mite if it was posted on the right kind of site. Maybe something more like, "Please believe my story, no one else does." or " I hope that people here will believe my story because until now no one has." would be less abrupt and make a little more sense.

Remember non of this means that your story is doomed or that you can't write. There are just a few things you could improve. You have to write to get better at writing, of course reading helps a lot too.

MeTieDoughtyWalker (talk) 01:03, January 20, 2013 (UTC)