Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-43331652-20200111104932/@comment-9041013-20200115005503

Ah a zombie pasta, you don't see those a lot.

It's pretty good, in terms of plot it's definitely not bad and while it maintains the typical zombie disease theme it's got its own twist on the thing which is original, or at least original enough; the black infective goo thing. I don't remember seeing that in zombie fiction before.

The story needs a bunch of work however. Mechanically, your tenses are off. The whole re-telling should be in the past tense but it jumps from past tense to present tense all the time. "He looks" where it should have been "He looked". Some grammar issues are present as well. Have a go at proof reading it, maybe have someone go over this for you too.

In terms of plot, the weirdest part is however everything feels kind of meta. Like the characters know things they shouldn't know. You shouldn't tell us you know what's going to happen as a first person narrator through the voices of other characters. Parts like "It's taking over, I just know" are bad, what does this even mean? Change it for something along the line of "Something's eating me from within" or something like that. Still absolute in its terrible oncoming outcome but less "They knew their fate". Make the story seem realistic by means of the people acting like actual people. You can't tell what will happen next for you, neither should your characters. You the author knows this, you the in story narrator didn't know it when it was about to happen.

Also, the whole "zombies taking over the world" is highly unlikely, unless its some World War Z sort of strain coupled with Chernobyl time soviet styled reaction. It's just going to happen. A government is most likely to quarantine the location of the outbreak and probably eradicate the problem before knowledge of it breaks out to the international community.

The name "biters" is also kind of not it. It's weird how zombie fiction is REALLY prevalent in our reality but no one who writes a futurist or modern fiction story ever uses the word "zombie" in their fiction. We all know what zombies are and what we'd consider zombies. So why do we need "biters" "walkers" and other crappy names pretending like zombies aren't a thing in our collective imagination.