Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25073641-20150322074905/@comment-26027160-20150322092039

This isn't bad, but it's very predictable. I saw the ending from the title (thank the category "creepy" and the word "meat"). Due to that, there is no suspense in the story. I would recommend to change the title and build the story up in a different way. Don't disclose so much in the beginning- a good reader will immidiately see the connection between the title and "they dissapeared after the party in my house". That just kills the whole thing.

If I were to re-write this, I would have posted this phone conversation just before the meal. The character prepares food; he seems calm and innocent. Then, a sudden phone call makes him jump (adds suspense; the character isn't disclosed to be the villain yet). He answers it. To cut it short, let's say it's from the police or something in that manner. Then the conversation will still inform us about the dissapearances, but will still be straight-forward and short. After this, the character sits down to enjoy his friend.

That's one way to add suspense. Still, I guess that the ending will be predictable, unless you decieve the readers with a good title. Something like "Dinner with Friends". However, to use that title, you should change the party to a "feast" (Feasting with Friends) or a "birthday/celebrative dinner" (Dinner with Friends). If you do so, the reader will think that the pasta will revolve around the first "dinner" (party) with friends, not the one that is just about to happen. This will give you a nice twist at the end. Just remember to avoid the word "dinner" and "feast" in the beginning (just say that the character prepared his food), because that might be a hint to the ending.

I won't go into the grammar yet. The only thing I will remark is the missing end " in the first paragraph. We never got to knoe when the quote ended.