Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24957984-20140610203304

Author's note: this story was written in the first person perspective in present tense 90% of the time, and it's changed to third person in present tense in the end. I'm still pretty new at writing, sorry if this switch was annoying. I'm planning to draw some of the scenes to make the sory more "substantial", but I'd like a review of the story first. - I hate this. I really hate this. Why do I always have to be seen as someone without talent? Why do I have to suffer with this?! Why can’t I be free from the public awful work I make?! I hate myself. Sorry for the weird way to present myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have so many people criticizing my work, just because I’m against the nowadays standards. I love the way I make my art. It looks better, without the stupid simplicity nowadays artists have. It’s almost like a photo. I really have abstract art. Unfortunately, I’m forced to make paintings people want in order to survive, and they always want me to make abstract paintings, and I can’t stand this anymore. If they really want to make me draw in an unpleasant way, I’ll do something else now.

After my rage period, I receive a phone call from Ms. Margaret.

“Sir Lars, I know I’m going to annoy you once again, but I’d like another abstract painting, where it shows a landscape of a hill, with a starship flying in space in the background.”, she says.

“Alright, miss, the painting will be ready after a few days. I’ll call you back after finishing it.” I reply.

I take a look at some of my other clients’ requests, I think about where to start painting the painting. Maybe I’ll just really paint what she requested, and add a small detail in the starship. No, what if she complains later? No, I think I should make something even better, but only later.

I started painting the hill of green, and then I painted the sky of blue, then the spaceship of red and dark colors, and the space of dark later. I put a few details, like a line to make the starship have a front side.

That was quick. All I need to do now is waiting for the painting to dry. Ms. Margaret will probably like the painting. I’ll just sleep now, and wait for the next day to arrive.

Ouch, my leg hurts. Maybe I slept in a bad pose. Whatever, I just need to check Ms. Margaret’s painting.

When I enter my office, I see some weird things from the painting. There was a pretty hidden line that seems to have been done by a pencil. I just ignore it after erasing it, and then I call Ms. Margaret

“Hello, miss. Your painting is now ready to be delivered. Can I deliver it now?” I ask.

“Sure, just come to my house, I’ll be waiting for you.” she replied.

I enter my bike and put the painting in my back. The streets are busy today. There are drunk and irresponsible drivers everywhere. I wonder if something happened last night. Hopefully, I arrive to Ms. Margaret’s house successfully, and she welcomes me.

“Hello, Mr. Lars! Make yourself at home and put the painting in the living room”, she says.

When I enter her house, I noticed she did a paint job in her house. Everything just looks so blue now, and that’s one of my least favorite colors. I can’t really complain about this though, because if I tell her that, I might lose all the credit I have from my clients.

“That’s a great painting you made! I love it! Here, I’ll pay you for this painting 200US$. You can leave if you want” she says.

“I need to go now. I still have a lot of work to do. It was worth visiting you though, and I should thank you for the money as well. See you someday again, Ms. Margaret!” I reply.

I leave Margaret’s house, and I drive through the traffic jam, to finally enter home. After entering home, I decide it’s time to make some more paintings, but this time only for myself. I’m going to make a drawing of my personal style, something less abstract and more realistic.

I decide to make some parts of a mysterious face I have in my mind. I’m drawing its eyes, and his nose. I’m too lazy to do something else now, so I think I’ll add more details later, just some shadowing to finish now. He looks like a circus dancer so far.

I’ll just drink a cup of tea, see the sunset and go to sleep now.

This time, I wake up normally. I eat breakfast, drink so coffee and then Ms. Margaret knocks the door.

“Sir Lars, are you there? I need to talk about the painting you gave me, now!” she shouts.

“Yes, hold on!” I reply. I throw away my coffee cup I was holding, and then I open the door. She looks madly at me.

“Sir Lars, we need to go to my house at this moment. Something really weird happened to my painting, and I need you to justify that.” she says.

We enter her car, and we enter the streets in a high velocity, so high that we almost get a penalty from the police. We finally reach her house, and she desperately opens the door and calls me to enter the house as soon as I exit the car.

“Here, Sir Lars, look at this! What’s this thing?! What you’ve done to the painting?! What the hell you just did here?! Give me a decent excuse!” she screams loudly.

“I…I have no idea how is this there. Look, you can give this painting back to me, and you don’t have to pay anything.” I explain.

“Fine, then. Don’t you dare fuck up my paintings again!” she shouts, madly.

I close her house’s door quickly and I start walking to my house by foot, while holding the painting. It looks like a tail of an animal. The painting has a black background and the tail has a red color, and has lines from other colors around it. I have no idea what’s that really supposed to be. Let’s hope it’s not something too dangerous.

I finally reach my houses’ door, and I open it. I notice something weird now. I decide to look at the drawing I made before.

''Wait, where it is?! Where did it go?! I’m confused now'', I think.

I start searching for it around the house and inside the rooms. I can’t find it. What happened?

“I think you’re blind. How can you not notice me?” says something.

“Stop playing games already! Reveal yourself!”

“Just look at me. I’m behind you.”

“Jesus! What the hell are you doing there?! Why is your nose and eye bowls stuck in the wall?!”

“You’re only about to see what will happen later. Do you know how to do the Unsafety Dance?”

“Nope I don’t.”

“Then, let me teach you.”

He jumps out of the wall, and start teaching me. The red tail from before is attached to his body, and he has a weird combination of vibrant colors in his entire body. He’s using a weird costume, and he has the same eyes and nose I made before, but now he also has a really huge smile.

“Don’t worry, this won’t hurt you. Just follow the steps and relax!” he says, “Alright, the first thing you need to do is keep running around in circles, behind me. Then, just move your arms in a U shape and keep doing this until the dance is over.”

“Look, I don’t want to do this. I created you just to have some fun, not to taunt me!”

“Too bad you created me now, sir. You’ll have to dance now!” He punches me after my request of avoiding the dance, and then I start dancing in the way he ordered before, and now he starts singing.

We can dance if we want to

We can leave your friends behind!

‘Cause if your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance

Well they’re not friends of mine!

We can go where we want to

A place they will never find!

And we can act like we come from out of this world

Leave the real one far behind!

And we can dance!

He stops singing for a while, and other things start to appear. The walls now have many colors that make me feel I injected LSD in my vein. Clones from the dancer appear and they dance behind me. The lead dancer starts singing again.

We can go when we want to

The night is young and so am I!

And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet

And surprise them with the victory cry!

We can act if we want to

And if we don’t nobody will!

And you can act real rude and totally removed

And I can act like an imbecile!

He stops singing again, and now I’m dressed up like them. I’m already sick of dancing, but I can’t stop, my legs and arms don’t obey me. Everything inside my house is disappearing, and we start walking outside the house, then the lead dancer sings once again.

We can dance

We can dance

Everyone is out of control!

We can dance

We can dance

We’re doing it from pole to pole!

We can dance

We can dance

Everyone look at your hands!

We can dance

We can dance

Everybody’s taking the chance!

I look at my hands, and now I notice my body had its color changed. I wonder how long is this going to take. I guess forever, unless the lead dancer decides that I’m done with this.

“Come on, guys, we’re almost done! Just keep going for a while!” the main dancer warned. He later started singing again, maybe for the last time.

We can dance if we want to

We’ve got all your life and mine!

As long as we abuse it, never going to lose it

Everything will work out right!

We can dance

We can dance

Everyone is out of control!

We can dance

We can dance

We’re doing it from pole to pole!

We can dance

We can dance

Everyone look at your hands!

We can dance

We can dance

Everybody’s taking the chance!

“Alright, we’re done! Goodbye Sir Lars!” the lead dancer says, before exiting the place with his clones.

“Sir Lars, what are you doing lying on the floor? Wake up!” Ms. Margaret shouts.

“Miss…” I said, “Avoid looking at me, now! It’s serious!”

“Stop playing games, sir! Just get up!”

“Get out of here, now! I’m serious! Something is wrong with me!”

“Get up, and then explain me.”

“Maybe I will, but please, explain me how you entered my house without permission!”

“For about a half hour, the entire neighborhood heard you screaming in agony, and everybody was scared. The police and I were called, and they broke the entrance, and we were waiting for you to wake up after searching for you.”

“Fine, then. Just hold on.”

When I get up, the voice of the dancer from before speaks, quietly.

“Do the unsafety dance!” he says.

“No… I won’t!” I reply loudly.

“Sir, please calm down! Just look at my face now and let’s just forget about what happened.” she asks.

“You have to dance now!” he reinforces.

“No! Stop! Leave me alone, please!” I refuse.

You’re mine now!

I stop breathing for a while, and I keep looking at my feet.

“Sir, you better look at me now and stop being childish…” Ms. Margaret says.

“Miss, I…”

Get

Outta

Here!

“Sir, what’s going on?!” Why do you look like…?” she questions. I transformed myself into a descendent of the mysterious dancer.

“Sorry, but I can’t control myself! Please, get out of here-“I try to warn.

Let’s do the unsafety dance, now!

The dancer from before appears next to me, and throws a flashing light against everyone in front of us.

“They’ll follow us now! Come on, let’s spread the Unsafety Dance to everyone!” he happily says.

“I don’t think so-“

“Listen, you have to dance! There’s no choice!” he tells me with anger.

“Yes, sure I’ll do everything for you, Master!” I replied, while being possessed by him.

“Great! Let’s dance now, and forever!”

He calls his clones, and the people he attacked are now following us. Now, the city, at the very least, will be possessed by the creation that I made. Nobody can stop us; chaos is coming from basically nowhere.

“Ouch! What’s going on?” I scream loudly, “I feel weak, somebody help me!”

“What? Why are you losing insanity?! You disappoint me!” the lead dancer shouts.

“I…I don’t know. Agh, this hurts a lot! It’s just as painful as being shot! Do something!”

“There’s nothing I can do now, you’re worthless. Just go away!”

“Can’t you see I can’t move?!”

“Yes I do can…”

“Wait, what’s tha-“

“What happened here? Sir!” Ms. Margaret shouted while looking around desperately.

After exiting the house with the cops behind her, she sees Sir Lars’s body on the road, and the driver who hit Lars. The cops that were following her are now isolating the area, and they’re asking questions for the driver. I wait for a while and the driver starts talking with me.

“Do you know him? I’m so sorry about that… I was just driving my car normally, when all of the sudden this guy appeared and I hit him!” the driver tells her, shocked.

“I’m one of his main clients. I don’t know anything about his personal life, until now. It seems like he was using drugs. We will never know. He’s not a good example of a person anyway.” she explains.

Everyone exits the place later. Sir Lars is now a forgotten person, and nobody cares about him anymore, especially after Ms. Margaret’s testimony, which says that he used to smell drugs in his break times, and this could’ve been resulted his car accident. 