Talk:Fleshgait/@comment-26399604-20161218002224

Well I have to say, I really enjoyed this one.

From the beginning, it pulled me in and held on until the end. I liked the concept of the characters having implanted memories and the distrust between them while tensions were already high due to their situation. The first moment with Gerry was very subtle and I loved that; it caught me off guard and I had go back and re-read that part to make sure Ian's anger was justified.

Other highlights I enjoyed were: the moment with Yessica, the moment Evan had with Ian (the walking stick incident), and the overall pain-driven trek. Now with the trek, I wanted to touch on that I thought the pacing of it was done well. It didn't feel too long or too fast, and I could definitely relate to hiking long distances in the heat while battling fatigue.

The creatures were interesting. Their capabilities were creepy to say the least, especially the concept of their memory implants which reminded me of the feeling you get while dreaming. In a dream, sometimes you just know a person (when in actuality you've never seen them before) and don't question it.

All in all, I thought it was a solid story and the last question was a good one. I can't imagine the feeling Evan felt when he "remembered" what he did and overcame it, seeing how doing so must've been like tearing off one's own arm.

I did spot a few areas that I thought should be addressed. Please see the "[]" for possible corrections or inquiries:

+Just as I had finished dousing the fire, I remember Gerry coming up [to] me and asking for the map.

+He told me [he] wanted to plan out the rest of our trip, and that there was a spring nearby that we should really visit that wasn’t too far out of the way. I grabbed the map from Ian’s pack and gave it to him before turning in.

+I didn’t tell the others, but I think I knew [what] those things wanted with us.

+My heart was beating in my chest and my hands were so sweaty [*that it felt It kept on moving forwards], completely unaware of what I was about to do to it. --I wasn't which you were trying to relay: (1) his hands were so sweaty that he could feel the stick slipping in his grip or (2) he was so sweaty (anxious) and wasn't sure if Ian (It) could fell what he was trying to do, but in the end it seemed unware?