Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26120500-20150218001932/@comment-25148755-20150222021627

Aside from the previously mentioned grammar issues, assuming you fix all those to perfection, you still have a major problem: This story is generic as hell.

You are falling into the classic trap of having an idea for a character (Bright Eyes) and then trying to write a sort of origin story about him/it to introduce it to the creepypasta world. There's nothing here to make this a compelling read. Other than his name, and that he's your friend, I know nothing about Taylor. I can't connect to him, as he is literally just a name on a page. The fact that he dies does not resonate with me as a reader because I have absolutely no connection to him. The whole purpose of what you have written here is to serve as a vehicle to introduce your OC killer, and it's just not original or gripping enough to be scary.