Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24859608-20140830062858/@comment-24381191-20140903144458

First, the positives: It has a good premise, you can really make something like this into a good story. A few aspects were pulled off well, but...

you don't have to capitalize words to show emphasis, you can do that just with italics, and the bright and cheery introduction just doesn't fit in. Nobody would say 'hello' to something like that, and you put the inverted commas around "Hello to it," it's just "Hello," to it.

Anyway, here is what happened to me.. You don't need italics here. You also have some grammatical mistakes.