Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26006009-20150303090906/@comment-24976741-20150303125337

OH, MY, GOD... he used the death note.

Ok serious, sorry for my behavior. I just woke up and all, so I might not do that good with giving you a response, but here goes.

First off with gramical errors

lundged is spelled wrong-lunged

peice is also spelled wrong-peice

After this part "Some would say he was just a timid child" I think you should put a comma. " His stares glued to mine." you can take off the s at the end of stares.

Overall this was an, ok story for being short. To be quite honest most stories last longer than this one when read, even micro pastas I believe. Even than, this story really didn't have too much of a plot and no time to build up anything.

I also hate to say this to someone, but I think the concept wasn't really all that original, not that that's a bad thing, it just really wasn't given the time to turn into something good.