Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25136879-20140703232416

Not sure why this was summarily deleted so please give me feedback on how to improve the story and get it approved, thanks.

The legend of Corpse Face

Julio opened the door as quietly as he could and started to step through when the hardwood floor decided to be a tattle tale with it's rather loud *squeeeeak*. "Julio, what are you doing? You better not be sneaking into my room!", his dad yelled from the livingroom. Dad knew that Julio couldn't control himself with snacks and sodas and had started hiding the goodies in his bedroom. "You have to stay out of my room, buddy, I asked Corpse-Face to guard the snacks for me so that you don't eat and drink everything up.", said dad. "There is no such thing as Corpse-Face", Julio reasoned, "you are just trying to scare me!" Dad's face turned serious and said, "I love you, buddy, so please don't go in there." Julio gave a sigh and headed to the kitchen for a cup of milk instead of the can of soda he was craving.

Later that evening, Julio's dad was called away to do a sevice call in one of the other units. As manager of the apartment building, he was often called away on one emergency or another. Julio heard the tenant at the door saying that there was a broken pipe under the kitchen sink spraying water everywhere, so he knew his dad would be gone for at least an hour or so. After contemplating for a few minutes and then checking the security monitors to make sure his dad was indeed on the first floor getting tools out of the boiler room, Julio decided he'd try once again to sneak into his father's room and make off with some snacks. He quickly walked down the dimly lit hallway and as he stood in front of the closed bedroom door, Julio remembered his dad's warning of Corpse-Face, then dismissed the thought as nothing more than a scare tactic his dad was trying to use to keep him away from the junk food. He opened the door and eyed the darkness knowing that the nearest light was a lamp on the nightstand. Determined, he rushed into the blackness and felt around for the lamp switch, *click*, the light came on and filled the room with a comforting glow. He looked around the room and was startled by the ironing board leaning against the wall behind the door. "Haha, guess you're not Corpse-Face", Julio said aloud to the ironing board, and then commenced to search. He first checked the mini-fridge...nothing but a couple of half empty liquor bottles. Then, under the bed...a box. Julio pulled it out and opened it only to find old pictures and photo albums. As he pushed the box back under the bed and stood up, he didn't notice that the bedroom door was now closed. He was too intent on finding his prize and next walked over to the sliding closet doors. As he slid the first door open and saw a box of goodies on the floor, the light went out and he heard a faint, gravelly whisper, "I...want your...face...", and then felt a hand on his shoulder trying to turn him around! Julio screamed and ran towards the light filtering under the bedroom door, and as he fumbled to turn the doorknob, he could hear the scratchy shuffling of what he knew to be Corpse-Face's decaying, dead feet coming up behind him. Julio flung the door open, jumped into the hall and in that fleeting instance before he could pull the door shut, illuminated from the dim hallway light, he saw a horrible, expressionless face. The skin was pale and sunken. The eyes sagged half closed with a dull gray sheen above the remnants of a nose. The lips seemed to be receding, revealing long, thin teeth protruding from bony gums. And the smell...

Julio was sitting in the hallway outside of their apartment when his dad came through the stairwell door. "What are you doing out here in your pajamas?", he asked. Julio was still trembling as he told his father that he'd come out to see what was taking him so long and got locked out. Dad twisted the doorknob and the door opened easily. "Uh huh, right. Locked." he said as they both went inside. Julio nervously sat on the couch and turned the TV on while his father went in the bathroom to take a shower. As Julio watched Family Guy, he heard the shower turn off and then a few minutes later his dad opened the bathroom door, a quick cloud of steam washing out behind him. Julio knew he had left his father's closet door open and it was just a matter of minutes before his dad found out he had went in his room and seen Corpse-Face. He waited. Dad finished brushing his teeth and then went to his room to get dressed. Julio cringed, knowing what he was about to hear and he waited...nothing. He got up and cautiously walked to his father's room. His dad was standing in front of his dresser pulling a t-shirt over his head. Julio glanced quickly around the room and saw that the closet door was now closed. Had his father shut it already, he wondered. Perhaps his dad saw it open and assumed he had left it open himself? Julio could only hope. His dad turned around and saw him standing in the doorway. "Haha, okay, boy, I know what you want. Go sit in the kitchen and I'll bring you out a snack." Julio smiled weakly and went to wait in the kitchen.

After waiting for about twenty minutes, Julio started getting concerned. He called out for his dad but got no reply. He walked back to his dad's room and saw him sitting on the bed facing his dresser. "Dad?", Julio called. His dad just nodded his head. Julio walked over to the dresser and started to ask what was wrong when he noticed the blood. And then the red, pulpy mess where his dad's face should be. "Dad! W-w-what happened...". his voice trailed off as the door started swinging shut and there stood Corpse-face, slowly chewing a piece of dripping flesh with what appeared to be an eyebrow on it. After slurping it into his mouth and making a sickening gulp, Corpse-face slowly lifted his bony hand and curled it into a pointing gesture and glaring with one now bright blue eye, whispered, "I...want your...face..."

And then the lights went out. 