Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28552410-20160525175341/@comment-28060931-20160525183310

Hello, The Followers.

First, "Those constant colors swimming around means that you're safe." should be, "Those constant colors swimming around mean that you're safe." or you could say, "If the constant colors are swimming around, it means that you are safe." Even though I understood that sentence, it was a little confusing.

"The brighter those colors are the further away they are to get you." is a confusing sentence and should be something like this, "The brighter of those colors are the ones further away, and they are trying to get you." I don't know if this is what you ment because the sentence did not make any sense.

"Have you ever closed your eyes and noticed the colors under your eyelids." there should be a question mark at the end.

"But once those colors start to fade and darkness covers your eyes. They will come out to play with you" The first sentence is a dependent clause, meaning that you have to connect both of the sentences with a comma, like this. "But once thosr colors start to fade and darkness covers your eyes, they will come and play with you."

Secondly, this whole story is confusing, and your grammer is not the greatest. I didn't mean that as an insult. It's just that the story does not make sense, it is too vague, and confusing to be mysterious.

Appaerently the colors you often see dancing around when you close your eyes are some demons, some things. They will kill you? Who will, the colors?

Who will come out and play with me? Big Bubba from prison? I'm sorry if I offended you, but I find it hard to undertand what you meant. The story is way too vague, you should explain what will come and get you and brush up on your grammar.