Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37296816-20181025074447/@comment-35711173-20181025094455

Carnageru,

Teen suicide is a serious issue and has reached epidemic proportions in much of the USA. I do hope this is purely fictional. If it isn't, please seek help.

First, I request that you carefully review the following blog entry of mine.

User_blog:DrBobSmith/Basic_Spell_and_Grammar_Checking

You have enough mistakes in basic English that it is slow going to understand your story. No, it's not the worst I have seen by a long shot and I did understand it. However, it didn't flow naturally and in places I had to guess what you really intended.

In particular, you need to break up those run on sentences. I suggest using https://www.scribens.com to find them. Copy/paste the story in, run a check and then click the "Run on Sentences" radio button on the left side menu. While you are at it, please click the "Comma overuse" button and get those as well.

The free version of http://www.prowritingaid.com only lets you analyze 500 words at a time. Your story is 2,217 words so you'll have to do it in five or more chunks. The results WILL be worth it.

Be merciless in your editing. Every time a sentence is identified with a problem, ask yourself whether it needs to be in the story at all. Much of the time, it doesn't.

No, I am not going to correct your story. I don't have enough time to work on my own stories.

On to the story itself. Your story suffers from a common problem. The protagonist reporting your story dies in the end. Some creepypasta sites consider such as strictly against the quality standards of the site and will delete the story. You need to resolve this issue.

Creepypasta has creepy and horror. Having horror and no creepy means it isn't creepypasta. This is also a common problem. I have had this problem. In one of my stories, most of the people on Earth die quite horribly. It succeeded in having a very credible end to Earth, so credible it failed to have any sense of the unnatural. What is unnatural about a teen snapping and committing suicide?

Dr. Bob