Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9041013-20180724081137/@comment-9041013-20180726225641

Kolpik wrote: It has a good pace. I quickly forgot he was talking to a priest. You could pepper in a few slight breaks in his story to address the Father some more.

He doesn't really seem all that remorseful to me. I'd like to see some more emotion from him (before and after the execution). He's talking to a priest so he's seeking absolution.

Ugh, this isn't working. I'm having a hard time explaining myself properly (I'm a bit under the weather today), so I'll just leap in. I think the protagonist and his delivery come off flat.

You've got to dig deep and make me want to give a shit about him and his story. Sorry Bloody, that's all I've got. That's all what I needed... I did not know what was wrong with it, but thanks to you, now I know.

Thank you Kolpik senpai.

Get better well.