Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-17082538-20150308053541/@comment-25825682-20150309080632

Well I read it and you should separate the paragraphs by a space between them. Also there was a part I kind of was confused.

"The man begins chanting something unintelligible, and a flaming  portal opens above my wife’s flesh puddle and charred skeleton, (and somehow, and i think it was because he wanted me to see), I saw his smile, it was toothy, and broken, as if he had the jaw of a wild animal.

What's between the parentheses is where I got confused. That "i think" should be (I think) too.

One last bit I read seemed redundant.

"He then thrust his hand into the portal, and pulled out a black shepherds cane with fire swirling all around the cane, as if a volcano was contained into a shepherd’s cane."

At the end you stated shepherd's cane again. I know it's a shepherd's cane.

I'm also not sure volcano properly describes the fire swirling. Fire storm maybe, tempest, coated in flame. It doesn't really matter just not volcano unless you say the flames erupt from the cane or burst.

That's all I got and sorry I can't be more helpful at this time.