Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24773406-20140408125155

You guys probably get this all the time but I seriously need to know how good or bad this is because I've had my friends read it but they only gave me compliemnts so I would like to know other peoples opinion on it thanks!

                 “Connections”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Have you ever stopped to think about all the evil in the world? Every ounce of hatred in every ones soul. When you do the world becomes a much darker place, but where you're going is MUCH darker.

My name is Damien, I was the strange one in school. I didn't get along with anyone and the few friends I did have usually were doing other things I hated, going to the mall, party's stuff like that. I can't stand people, they are loud annoying creatures. However I do like they sounds they make when I kill them. Oh yes just lovely they way they scream and beg for their meaningless lives hahahaha!- Ahem back to the story. Anyway I was always a good student in school having all A's and B's but that was only because my father would beat me if I had anything less while my mother turned the other cheek. Anyway the fact that I had no friends meant I spent a lot of time alone and gave me time to think. However all this thinking...It made me feel...Smarter then the rest of the world at least that's what all the voices in my head said to me hahaha! they are always so nice to me unlike real people. They also tell me secrets, I know many things because of them but we'll get into that later heheheh... As I said I was the weird one and since you clearly care so fucking much about me let me tell you about the old days when I had a little emotion. I would wake up to yelling from my drunken dad and screaming from my fragile mother. I would ready my self by putting on my normal outfit of black pants, shirt, jacket and hat, however I was forced to wear bright white shoes because my stupid father never learned his colors I'm sure though when I ended him he seen red... Hahahaha oh my first murder, I felt like Death himself when I watch the little life he had left leave his eyes. After I get dressed I sneak out the door as to not let my parents know I'm awake I already had enough beatings in one life time every morning I held back tears though as I heard more screams and yelling my mother didn't deserve any of it. Back then I didn't like bully's thinking they are better then everyone else and my father was definitely a bully, but even though I should have been a prime victim they always avoided me and I never did find out why. Maybe I'll have to pay one of them a visit soon hahaha... Anyway I would walk to school and always get to class on time. The teachers always hated me, they looked at me as if I was a demon of some kind even though I was perfect student. After school I would walk back home to more yelling and screaming I sneak in from the back door and would lock myself in my room I proceed to study and wonder on the internet and hold back tears as well. I would follow this same pattern for days on end and on the weekend I would only come out of my room to get food and use to the restroom.

Now I bet you're wondering why the Hell am I telling you all this? Well let's fast forward a bit I wasn't awoken by any yelling that morning, my alarm clock was actually useful for once. I got dressed and opened my door my father stood there, Alone with his beer bottle. “Uh hi dad...” I said in front of my father, back then I knew one emotion well, fear. Funny I'm sure I inflict people with that emotion all the time. “What was that...” Hic “you little shit” “I said hi...” “You'll treat me with more respect then that!” He yelled and slapped me for no apparent reason. “I'm sorry sir, where's mom?” I asked scared. My cheek stung where he slapped me for no apparent reason other then he was drunk “She's unconscious upstairs, but what do you care you never come out of this room anyway.” I do not know why but that angered me a lot he was a bully like the kids at my school, he was like a dog, he was stupid but strong, and he needs to be put down. I remember that thought so I put it to the test. I hit him in the face, he stepped back shocked at what just happened. I turned around the corner and ran up the stairs. “You little fuck you'll pay for that!” I remember hearing him roar and I could hear him running up the stairs after me. I thought nothing of it, I ran to the kitchen and found the biggest knife I could and waited for him to finally get up the stairs. “What's that for? You'll never use it so put it down” he said when that lazy slob of a person finally came up the stairs. He charged at me like a stupid bull. But he was to slow to catch me as I ran to the side at the perfect moment and got behind him. I took the knife and shoved it with all my strength into his side. He screamed in pain and I remember smiling at the thought of him screaming instead of my mother. It was amazing I had blood on my hands now. He fell to the ground in pain and I took the knife out as roughly as possible to cause as mush pain as I could. I wanted to hear him scream some more. Holding his side he tried to get up but he was weak so I was able to kick him back down. He wasn't covering the wound anymore so I shoved the back end of the knife into the wound and wiggled it. He was shaking like the weak dog he was. He was laying on his back and I took the knife back out of the wound and slammed it into his chest and pulled down it was fantastic it was like dissecting a frog. “How does it feel to be in pain hahahaha!” I laughed at him and stared into his eyes he was losing the fight to keep his life like he was hanging on a cliff but his hands were slippery in his own blood. I took the knife one more time and stabbed it straight into his eye he was to weak to scream any more and I watched as he died. I stood and admired my work. It was perfect like a paiting. I then turned around and walked out of the kitchen staring at my feet I noticed my shoes weren't white anymore they were the color of the blood covering the different parts of my body. But it wasn't enough I had to mix my blood with his I took the knife and slashed my own wrist the blood rushed out and it felt good unlike the pain I experienced when I would hear my mother cry out in pain. “We're connected now, father hahahaha!” I said to myself and giggled a little. That was a long time ago, my first victim. I learned later that my mother had died that same day she had taken so many beatings everyday and knowing her little boy turned into the monster that just killed her husband she just gave up on her life. So I sought to make more art maybe my parents will see my work from Hell. I guess it's kinda ironic that I eventually became the bully but I never realized how fun it was hahahaha. Now I'm covered in scars from connecting with my friends and I won't stop until I make the perfect piece of art. Do you like art? Maybe you can help me make my next piece of work we just might “connect” you know. hahahaha





Yea yea I know another psyco murderer story but I'm just starting out on all this so there you have it thanks for the advice in advance  