Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25839421-20150528132635/@comment-24356706-20150528172500

There are a few plot points you need to address. First, the shopekeeper just leaving a note for you and bailing doesn't seem very realistic, try to ake it more interesting. Also when he got back home he immediatly turned on the TV, thats a little hard to believe. Also what is so scary about ice and from what I can tell its winter, so the main character being scared of something like this seems irrational.

Also you should make it more clear that this "curse" I guess is following him and not just flat out say it. If the father discovered the curse them why does the main character not know why he got kicked out? "... The hell that followed after was almost unbearable.." Tell us about what he went through, when I see sentences like these I immediatly think that it is laziness on the authors part. I think you should ask an admin obout the story type in general, because I think this falls under the .EXE type, a blacklisted subject.