Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26873355-20150809233440/@comment-25226524-20150811190111

I see some potential in the quality of your writing (there are some small issues, and it does need proofread again), but the story is nothing more than basic and extremely familiar concepts that have been discussed and rehashed ad nauseam (it's not your fault if you're unaware of this). There are also contradicting tones: you go from what ifs, pointing out how little we actually know, to "So next time someone dies keep this in mind and don't be sad, be happy we are not dying we are returning to our real lives, we are being reborn, being rejoined with our loved ones just like we believe happens in heaven." This is a big problem in my opinion.

If I'm being honest, I would just move on from this. These philosophical/spiritual theories are incredibly difficult to pull off, and it's nearly impossible to make them even remotely original. I do see potential in your prose, but this story/discussion is something I would abandon as far as this site goes. I definitely encourage you to keep writing these thoughts, but it's unlikely this one can be made to suit the wiki.