Talk:Molly Followed You/@comment-26825503-20151021082152

Honestly, it's just not disturbing. It feels like the guy is completely overreacting for most of the story.

I think the story would be improved if he'd chatted to the girl briefly, she'd said some weird and slightly unsettling things and he then shut off the laptop. Then when she found him on twitter he could mentally debate about whether it was normal or not. If the story had them interact at times in small ways so it's never clear if he maybe gave away more info than he intended, or of she's just a good internet detective, or if he'd met her before and forgotten or if it was supernatural I think the story would be vastly improved.

I think the tension should be coming from the guy being uncertain as to whether she has some kind of supernatural power of if it's just the wonders of the internet. He could even question his own sanity and whether she knew him and he simply forgot.

The events could escalate but still have some kind of plausible explenation (like her posting pictures of him from school to his twitter - did she somehow find them online, or in a yearbook, or is it something more sinister?) and then at the end it could be something that unquestionably proves she's breeched his real life, like a picture of her lying in bed with him while he's asleep. Even then, then story could go in the direction that it's the boy who's crazy, and she's really his girlfriend and he's having some kind of dissociative episode or something. I think the tension in the story would be more effective if you were left questioning how reliable the narrator is, or if he's actually in the right.

I just feel like the story, as it's written, isn't really creepy and doesn't have suspense. I definitely think it has potential, though.