Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5239282-20140823211335/@comment-5239282-20140824174700

Umbrello wrote: The jokes and over-the-top descriptions are more cheesey and stupid than they are funny. Especially phrases like "steaming-hot fetus pie". That might be funny if I was playing 'drunk Mad Libs'. I do like the overall idea of the story, but it would be better if you tried to be more subtle with the comedy. I didn't have steaming-hot fetus pie in mind when I said comedy, haha. Nor did I have "subtle" in mind when I decided how to handle the subject matter.

In my opinion, this isn't the type of story to have subtle comedy. It'd probably be even more awkward if I did it, haha.

Maybe I should tone it down to save space. Eh.