Talk:Protector/@comment-26030957-20150223234326

Very nice. I like the creepy agents, they lend a surreal William Burrough's feel to the story- the Nova police. I didn't like the second to last line, though. Those agents were so violent and creepy- angles? How about the death police? Like the grim reaper's police force? But that's just me. It was a good story. I did see a few minor gramar issues that I'll note for you:

 "I compromised as I set her down the bed"- dude, you forgot your preposition- you need to add ON. " I ran the bend around to the side of the house to find nothing"- this sounds awkward, how about "I ran around the bend to my house"? " He stared at me contemptly, before turning and walking right out of the cell-hall."- come on now, bro, you are a writer, 'contemptly' isn't a word, didn't spell check see that? Use either "with contempt" or "contemptously"    " Finally, just before the life was choked out of me, salvation came in the form of bringing me back into the grim light of reality" this just sounds awkward, maybe take out "in the form of" and just say "Salvation came, bringing me back...". Twice you say "the chipping, icy sill" since chipping is a verb it makes it sound like the sill is chipping something. How about "the paint-chipped sill" or just "the chipped sill".