Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27479827-20151229163217/@comment-26007602-20151230214438

This story is faaaar too short to leave any impact. Additionally, even in its miniscule form, it is riddled with grammatical errors that greatly hamper the reading of the story. This story lacks any real description (You don't even bother to describe the spirit), and it isn't paced well. There's no character in your two characters and the story lacks any tension due to its length and poor writing. This line, " What we saw was simply disturbing but I will write what we saw. " is written extremely awkwardly. I find it extremely hard to believe that a supposed college junior wrote this.

Beyond all that, the story is extremely generic. The haunted house story has been done sooooo many times before. You need to bring something new to the table if you use this plot. I'm sorry, but I don't see a way to make this story work without an extreme rewrite.