Talk:From the Dark/@comment-25052433-20140820041954

There are some things even darker than the house that you described. Here is one of them, a darkly devious review!

What went right:

-You built this all very well. From the mysterious picture on the deer cam, to the mysterious phone call inviting the guy over, it was all executed well, and delivered a great 'slow burn' or suspense that kept me reading.

-You clearly understand the essence of creating fears. You kept the monsters vague in this one. You also succeeded in playing darkness and shadows in the written word. Usually these are visual effects in movies, but you transferred it well into word.

What left me in the dark:

-The instant doom narrative. This was used when you took the guy from the safety of his home, into the belly of the beast. Using the 'I passed out and woke up...' can be great when you are using notional writing to simply avoid mundane description, but in this case, I feel a better plot hook should have been used. Simply having him pass out and then wake up doomed just seemed rushed.

-The common sense quandaries. So, this guy is trapped in an office, death creeping at him literally from the shadows, and he uses a functioning internet connection to publish his story? I find it more believable that he would use that internet to notify the police to come and rescue him. Now, if he had no internet, and was just writing this on a Word document, then that becomes a bit more believable, but that should have been explained.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this story. I found it well written, with only a few grammar edits needed. This was ambitious and a pleasure to read. 8/10.