Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27341133-20151209183620/@comment-24101790-20151209193257


 * Capitalization errors: "silly dreams.” She (she) said with exasperation.", "How are you feeling?” The (the) man questioned me.", "“So nice?” The man questioned,", etc. In a stutter, only the first letter is capitalized unless it's a proper noun. "“M--(only one hyphen is needed when expressing a stutter)My(my) head!”", "“G-Grandma", etc. Words improperly capitalized: "Welcome Home (home)."


 * Punctuation issues: "What was minutes felt as if they dragged out for hours?(.)" Punctuation left outside of dialogue: "“Sssshhhhhhhhhhhh”, the shadow hushed.", "NO ONE believes me”,", "through”, the man explained.", etc.


 * Wording issues: you shift tenses a number of times from present tense to past tense. "The figure leaned its head towards me...." (Past) to "The background behind the black figure glitches and begins to shatter like a mirror as the darkness eats away at the scenery." (present) and then continue the story in past tense. "Had I somehow run this far into the woods behind my grandmother’s house and lose (sic) track of where I was going?" You really need to stay in one tense and be uniform throughout. "The shard of glass came out quickly and I threw it aside, hearing it hit the ground with a clang." Clang is typically reserved for metallic objects.


 * Wording issues cont.: There's a lot of awkward wording here. "I never took into mind who my father actually was.", "The old woman seems to never stop her infernal banters upon me.", "the pain intensified where the glass shard had breached in.", "I dodged and my senses flew high", etc. I am getting the feeling you used the thesaurus for a number of these as there're quite a lot of instances where the word does not mean what you were specifically trying to say.


 * Story issues: the grandmother comes off as being cartoonishly evil. It really just seems out of place with some of her dialogue. You really need to explain this a bit more: "The moon’s light shined in gently through the window, but only seem to project a display of shadows from the outside that soaked in through the glass itself." especially when you use lines like this: "Just because I can’t see..." It comes off like you forgot at times the protagonist is blind but continued to write them visually describing their surroundings.


 * Story issues cont.: It really feels like you're over-writing this story as you tend to use words you don't quite understand the context of. "a small sporadic scream in the process." (Sporadic=occurring at irregular intervals. It really shouldn't be used in singular sounds)