Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26525489-20150623192655/@comment-26007602-20150623205936

I would be wary of doing a multiple entry series, as many readers will stop following after the first story. I'd personally combine them all into one large story, but it's really your choice.

It's not that the home exploration was done poorly; your descriptions were fine, it's just that the concept has been done quite a lot and feels stale after awhile. I'm racking my brain to try and offer advice to diversify the scene, but am having trouble coming up with much. Perhaps you could hav the kids run into some objects or notes that seem out of place but are related to the figure upstairs in some way. Like, I don't know, a creepy mask, or a blunt object with odd stains on it or a dead animal or something. Just ideas.

I would lengthen the scene with the door opening just a bit to show that the figure on the other side is actually a threat. The kids are scared, yes, but it doesn't really scream "ghost/demon/monster" to me; I don't know how concerned I should be for the protagonist yet. The note does help identify this thing as a threat, but maybe you should have it try and lure the kids up, that'd be pretty creepy.

To keep readers invested, I'd end the story on a different note other than, "I'm tired, I'll tell the rest of the story later." Try and foreshadow the next part a bit more maybe? I don't know what happens next so it's hard for me to offer suggestions.