Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25170312-20140822035320/@comment-24381191-20140822195153

Umbrello wrote: 'Shined' is a word, but you're right that I was supposed to use 'shone'. Good catch. XD

You're not a bad reviewer, because you make good points. The story is about the house, and I should at least describe it more. Before I even read your comment, I realized that I should at least describe the walls. I didn't bother because they were just blank. But I guess that's something you would want to know, lol.

On Long Island, if you build a simple postmodern home, they tend to all look the same. At least one room has a really high ceiling. The second floor usually has a balcony that overlooks the first floor's high ceiling room. The walls are all white and blank, and the large room usually has one wall that's almost all windows. In this case it was the front wall. The floors are all this shiny brown wood that doesn't look real. There's nothing interesting or unique about the house at all, except for the roof. (maybe I should add this stuff in?)

And the first paragraph was just copy/pasted from something I had said in the comments of my first draft... which is super lazy! You basically called me on my laziness without realizing. So again, good catch. Don't say you're a bad reviewer. You helped me out with the first draft as well. Thanks! XD Houses in Long Island must be boring if virtually every house is like that. And I didn't know that shined was a word, thanks to Endwell,'s comment and Google. And yeah, I remember now, when reading it I was thinking, 'this feels familiar.' It works as a comment, but not as a paragraph.

I was going to point out the walls specifically because they're the most useful in determining the state of a place, if walls are white in most houses they wouldn't be the same here as most houses because it hasn't been painted yet.

I was going to write more, but then my computer did some shit and went to the website I had previously been on, so I had to type it again, but I forgot most of it, I just remembered some, so I'll include it below.

You probably already know this but when/if you describe the house, make sure you don't spill everything in the beginning, write stuff as you notice them, for eg:

"As I walked further inside, I noticed that the walls were covered with illustrations of dickbutt."

Secondly, when Mike says "What the fuck?" when he sees the first pic, maybe it would flow better if he says "The fuck?" instead, although that might be my personal preferences kicking in, so I'll leave that descision to you.

And I don't know if that thanks was because I was actually helpful and a good reviwer, or just trying to make me feel better. hmmm. *narrows eyes*