Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20150430062138/@comment-25975226-20150510125033

Hmmm. It might be creepier if Stockman pretended to work for the FBI, but was actually working with the bio-terrorist. I don't know. RIght now it still isn't very creepy. There are a couple of errors here and there (over-use of hospital bed in the beginning, using than instead of then, etc.) Also, I liked the in-between dialogue between Stockman and Grenwalt, but Grenwalt sort of jumps straight in with the story and says it a little robotically if I'm honest. If you can make the dialogue a little smoother and also make it creepier, then it should be up to the QS.