Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26416562-20150605200508/@comment-26193563-20150606183517

I think everyone pretty much mentioned it, BUT FIX THE GRAMMAR, SPELLING, AND PROPER CAPITILIZATION AND PUNCTUATION ERRORS.

To start off the review, I'll begin with a brief summary. A man named Todd is stranded on an island-place with a guy named Jeffery who he kills because he needs the food. Later he finds out Jeffery was dead for a long time.

Since the ending assumes Todd is still hallucinating, the head injuries at the beginning of the story should be more thoroughly described instead of "I had concussions." Also, this story is chopped up into rather short, abrupt fragments that make it awkward to read.

Was the beginning neccessary? Did it matter what university he went to? Did it matter where he was going? It could have been "I'm visiting my grandpoppa at Siberia and the plane crashed" ordeal and still follow the plot line. Tone the excess down a bit.

The vocabulary choice is sort of weak. "I did genuinely feel bad and sad." [bad] could be replaced with [guilt] and [sad] could be replaced with [sorrow]. Just an example. Poor word choice scattered throughtout the story makes it dull to read.

I do have a problem with the first paragraph. What do those statements have anything to do with the story? Stay focused.

This story does have potential, but usage of words and plot issues slam it down like heavyweights. Read it over again, and make it more interesting and clear to the reader.