Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24800815-20150426162030/@comment-24101790-20150426165950


 * Starting out with minor issues, do not indent the start of paragraphs as it causes formatting issues. I would also avoid starting multiple sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because, etc.) as it can give the story a choppy/incomplete feel. There are also coding errors here, please use source mode when editing/adding a story.


 * Wording issues: "Alicia told me that if I marry (married) her within the next two months...", "....we have (had) plans to marry in June 2015." You are telling the story in the past and the tenses need to reflect that. "... their team of high-class lawyers will (would) find some way to sue my ass for custody of our children.", "The crying continued for hours on end, until they (it, as crying is singular in this instance) finally quieted."


 * Punctuation missing from dialogue: ""I'll never be a good mother", "I can't do this"", "She must've tired herself out(./,)" I muttered to myself." Additionally words that directly impact on another should be hyphenated. "self (-) harm"


 * Story issues: "Alicia blamed me, stating that I never once used a condom when we had sex. Her family supported her claim, ..." (The family backed up her claim that the protagonist never used a condom during sex?) The ending also gives the story an unfinished feel. "I think she might be getting sick, as she hasn't gotten up since the fight." I assume she committed suicide according to the category, but you need to elaborate more on this. Additionally the protagonist slipping into denial and pretending she is still alive needs to be more fleshed out. It has an anti-climactic feel to it without any real resolution or strong ending.