Toothless

There's a reason they say brush your teeth every day.

As a kid, I was never very good at taking care of my teeth. Let me tell ya, it comes back to haunt you. My mom would always lecture me about how we didn't have enough money to keep fixing my cavities. It was just such an easily avoidable problem, everything could've been solved right there.

Of course, before too long, we just stopped fixing my teeth altogether. It hurt so bad to eat. Eventually I had to blend all of my food just to get nutrition without bleeding out of my gums.

If no one else can help, why not just fix something yourself?

I went and looked up all about teeth. My teeth were damaged beyond repair, and that's when it hit me! Why try and fix my own teeth, when I  can take others'?

I spent the next years of my life studying and looking for someway to replace my teeth. Each day they'd get a little worse. Most options said to use dentures, I prefered the soft, smooth, permanence of real molars, biscupids and incisors.

I went to college and got a degree in dental hygiene. At long last, I could finally do something about the bloody stumps of bone barely in my jaw.

I made a living as a dentist for a while, working on teeth casually.

One day, a man with particularly perfect teeth sat in my chair. He needed his wisdom teeth removed. He said he was afraid of pain, and he'd rather not be awake for any of it.

What a mistake he made...

I turned the valve on the nozzle of the halothane canister. He was out like a light. This is where my fun began.

Where to start?

After tying him to the chair, I grabbed his bottom jaw, and forced it down sharply. An ambient crack exploded through the room.

I picked up a scalpel and began tearing through the skin that kept his jaw attached to his skull. After both cheeks were completely detached, I began cutting off his upper lip.

This is where it would appear I didn't use enough gas. He woke up, and he screamed.

Boy did he scream.

I grabbed his head, looked into his eyes, and said "No cavities!". He stared blankly at me.

Lifting a lamp, I smashed it against his head. Just like that, he was out again.

I finished removing his upper lip. Yes, now I was close... I took hold of his cranium and twisted as hard as I could.

One, Two, Three, Four vertabre snapped. Reaching for a bonesaw, I saw the sad scared look on what was left of his face. My hand found the saw and cut where the spine met the skull. A sickening sound erupted from his nearly decapitated head as I cut through his throat.

Finally, there was my oppurtunity. Taking needle nose plyers, I plucked each tooth from his head one by one.

I stitched his teeth into my gums, I took his jaw and broke it over mine.

Perfect teeth at last....

And that's why you always brush your teeth.