Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33904527-20190210010145/@comment-9041013-20190210191702

Just like Liberty's Fall, it suffers from the exact same issues.

Mainly that there are some earth shattering secrets that literally nobody ever suspected, which is not true. There might be some secrets that would lead to a nuclear holocaust between states, but nothing that would surprise the whole world.

Illuminati is bull... Its a myth perpetrated by dispositioned Catholic French clergy post the French revolution.

Big pharma isn't entirely wrong. While they aren't trying to make the population purposely sick and frail, they care about the gains first. That's why we have an overuse of antibiotics and why some meds get discovered as faulty kind of late or even degrade to being improper/dangerous for use.

Politicians don't really care.

The whole aliens thing, while might be true, would only surprise fools.

Now aside from the silly conspiracies of an evil supposedly global elite (which can't possibly exist as states compete with one another, thus leaders aren't buddies with all the other leaders, that's simply impossible), you've ventured into some sillier tropes. The plot escalates because "luck" when Daniel falls asleep after probably having the greatest adrenaline rush of his life which should keep wide awake.

A lowlife hacker with no real backstory to his skill being "the chosen one", it's just bad.

The bad guys letting the good guy into their lair for a trap thing... why even do this?

My favorite part was your characters who seem to suffer from DID as they are devoid of any real emotion, but for some reason act like the most empathetic people on the planet. On top of it all they're kind of stupid, why would they use an equivilent of a cyanide people if they probably have equally effective far more comfortable means of self disposition. Not to mention the fact that they should've at least hidden their own connections to this whole ring of evil (I'm talking about Eric and Uncle Terry... who were nobodies to the outside world).

Not to mention how Daniel has like a weird personality shift from a common internet crook who'd piss his pants if someone screamed at him to a person who is literally unfazed by seeing a sea of corpses. If this ain't breaking him, hearing about his evil uncle go down - especially if he was so zealously trying to beat this evil so to speak, commiting suicide.

You've also mistaken Michael for Daniel at the end there.

Overall, I don't find this exactly scary or dramatic, I'm sorry :/