Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10502460-20180704080810/@comment-10502460-20180708172249

BloodySpghetti wrote: I don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me, I don't like the drugs the drugs the drugs...

This is a nice little story, it's pretty chill and has some real life "spook" to it if you will, however what the hell is a Firework Enthusiast? I know people collect weird things and have weird hobbies, but fireworks... really now? I do live in a country where this kind of stuff is used as fast as it's purchased, all kinds of illegal and partially legal fire crackers, fireworks, explosive noise makers. So, I'm kind of dumbstruck as to existence of such fascinations with fireworks.

Now that's not really an issue, but here's what I found to be kind of off putting and that is the repeated use of the term "urban legend", avoid this, at all cost, unless this is a story about an actual urban legend in horror stories. It kills my will to suspend my disbelief. You could easily avoid that phrase in favor on noting that the "siren fireworks" were a thing there was little to no information about and/or a slang among enthusiasts to signify something (like a fake something). There's a running gag in the Israeli military about having newer recruits find objects like "Electricity powder" or "A chargable stick light" with are things that shouldn't exist but apparently do.

I do like how you came up with a unique way to say "there's something off about these fireworks" without giving out too much detail and maintaining a realistic touch on that. The siren like sound could be hellucinatory, the lights in could be hellucinatory and even the components of the fireworks entirely could hellucinatory.

I have to agree with The Doctor and say, the ending is not dramatic enough, perhaps have the snapping out of the trance occur as a result of one of the members slipping down the ravine and screaming for help sending everyone into a panic. Said slipping character doesn't need to die, just shock it's friends and surprise the readers.

P.S if promotions to positions on the site are based off any sort of public vote, I shall never be promoted to anything because nobody likes me.

I get what you're saying about the term "urban legend". Even as I was writing this I was concerned that I may be using the term haphazardly in order to gain an unearned sense of mystery for the story.

Also, I like your suggested change for the ending.

To clarify, the title is actually not supposed to refer to the sound of the fireworks. It has a double meaning that is supposed to reference the Sirens of Greek mythology (thing that lures you into danger by enticing your senses) while implying that there will be "sirens" after you use it.