User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Slender Man Vs. Eyeless Jack

Remember "Jeff the Killer vs. Slender Man?" Remember how that was actually pretty good? I do. The story I'm going to be Riffing makes me remember, and wish I were reading that instead.

Anyway, the story I'm Riffing now is called "Slender Man Vs. Eyeless Jack", and it's from the Spinpasta Wiki. When I first saw it, I thought, "Jackpot! More Riffs!" Upon Riffing it, I became suicidal. And since I went through this because some of you enjoy my Riffs, well, you guys can go through this with me.

There are legends of the Slender Man. ''I personally prefer the legends of the BIONICLE, but whatever. ''

He is a dark spirit. He is truly evil. Slendy always seemed like a nice fellow to me. He stalks people and murders them. But now he is gone. Are you sure about that? He's been gone. People don't know why, but he just... disappeared. One day, he just left. Never to be seen again. Except in stories like this. Only a few people still remember him. ''There are a few thousand people on the Creepypasta Wiki alone. I assume they remember him. Also, there’s Pewdiepie and his millions of fans, most of whom remember his playthrough of Slender: The Eight Pages. So, yeah. I’m calling bullshit.'' I wouldn't even know he existed if it wasn't for that dark, dark night... and that video-game that made. That might have been funny if not for the bad grammar. That sort of helped...

You see, Slender Man disappeared because less people feared him. Well, once you find out he’s a punchline for a tentacle hentai joke, he seems less scary. Instead of that dark, mysterious force he became that cool, popular guy. Yes, Slender Man is totally a cool dude, bro. Just that guy. People didn't care how terrifying he really was, they just liked him. ''I like him because he’s scary and mysterious. Also, I kind of got into Creepypasta because of him, so I got a soft spot for the tall guy.'' Video-games, toys, shirts, he was everywhere. ''Wait, there are Slender Man toys? Shut up and take my money!'' Less people feared him, and he became more of an internet icon than a despicable creature. I think you mean ‘Internet meme.’  More people knew him and they learned to stay away from him, how to avoid him, and thus he didn't get their souls. ''Two things: first, I don’t know anything that says how to avoid him. As far as I know, the closest thing to finding out ways to avoid him is to not obsess over him. Second, I’m pretty sure Slender Man doesn’t eat souls.''

Many people don't know this, but Slender Man needs souls. They don’t know this because it’s bullshit. They give him energy. He harvests them. DarkHarvests? He feeds of them. He lives. But now people don't fear him at all. He's just that guy. ''Oh yeah, just that guy who stalks people and drives them insane. He’s a chill dude.''

That guy.

But you see, Eyeless Jack is a different story. Yeah, a crappy one.

Eyeless Jack is a dark, undead spirit. A young boy brutally murdered, his eyes ripped out of their sockets. I thought he wore a mask. A vengeful spirit, he spent the rest of his eternity getting his revenge. Out to find the man who killed him. So he goes about his revenge by eating the kidneys of random people? Until then, he could never truly be at peace.

Less powerful and less famous, Jack was just a little kid compared to Slender Man. ''Everyone’s little compared to Slender Man. Have you seen that guy? He’s pretty freaking tall.'' No match for this monster. Slender Man is basically the king of modern horror. I wouldn’t go that far… Creepy, mysterious. Slender Man has given existence to many wannabes and copy-cats like Jeff the Killer or Laughing Jack. So I have Slender Man to blame for Jeff the Killer?

Slender Man saw potential in Eyeless Jack, and decided to use his superior power to manipulate the poor lost soul. ''If this is a shipping/yaoi story, I’m going to be annoyed. First, because yaoi. And second, because I was looking for one of these yesterday.'' One night, Jack was lurking through the forest, when Slender Man, now weak but still more powerful than Jack, appeared before him. So basically what this story is trying to say is that Slender Man, even at his weakest, is still a powerful god being? Jack was shocked, but then the figure seemed to disappear into thin air. Jack turned around as Slender Man reappeared in front of him. Slender Man began to stalk the evil spirit as he ran through the forest. ''So Slender Man is stalking a kidney-eating spirit. Sure. Why not?''

What sounded like static assaulted Jack's ears. Wait, so he’s a spirit with a physical form? He fell down and began to faint, everything else in the world fading away... Slender ,an was now in control of Jack, and ready for the harvest. ''So Slender Man made Eyeless Jack a proxy so he could prepare for a DarkHarvest. Ok.'' Now this is where I get involved. Me and my friends were having a sleep-over. “Naturally, being girls, we had pillow fights and lesbian experiments.” It was a dark, rainy night. ''You knew. You were going to say, “It was a dark and stormy night,” but you knew how cliched that would sound, so you decided to mildly change it. It doesn’t matter; it’s still cliché. We were watching a crappy, blood-filled generic horror film Bloodbath 2: The Quickening'', yet we kept screeching. ''Ugh. I hate it when girls screech. It’s kind of annoying.'' We didn't know what true horror was yet. A tall being with tentacles that would put Doc Ock to shame with his kidney eating spirit proxy? Not yet. ''You could’ve gotten rid of those last two words, and written that you didn’t know what true horror was. Yet.'' We heard the back door creek open, so me and my friend Anne went to go see. You back door body of watered opened? The suspense was killing us. I hope you’re being literal. The entire house was pitch black. ''Why? Did the power go out?'' We stepped into the dark hallway and slowly stepped closer and closer to the door. Cue jumpscare. We heard heavy breathing from behind the door. So there’s a grey cat behind your door? We went to grab the door knob, and when we saw what was behind it, we shrieked in terror. ''“It’s the Avatar: The Last Airbender movie! Run for your lives!”''

It was just our friend Mark. He and his friends Brad and Chuck were here. The idiots tried to scare us. ''They’re going to die soon. It’s part of the cliché.'' Me and Mark are sort of more than friends, but not really dating. Just sort of... into each other or something. It's complicated. ''“We enjoy fucking each other. That’s basically our relationship.”'' We watched the movie together, and the guys kept making fun of us when we got scared, but they themselves kept getting freaked out now and then. Pussies.

Suddenly, we heard glass breaking. Mark volunteered to go check it out because how we were such "chickens". His words, not mine. ''That last sentence was completely unnecessary. Well, this whole story is unnecessary, when you get down to it.''  He walked into the hallways, closing the door behind him. He saw broken glass on the floor. He knew somebody had broken in. ''Breaking In. Thursdays on Fox.'' He turned around to warn us, but saw a masked, hoody-wearing creature. Not a creature, a spirit. The mask was blue, with deep, empty, black holes where the eyes were supposed to be. ''So it was a mask. The way you explained it earlier, it seemed like the mask was his face.''

The creature grabbed Mark's throat, squeezing it tightly. ''Eyeless Jack doesn’t like people being called chicken, because, as it turns out, he’s Marty McFly! Dun dun dunnnn!'' Mark gasped for breath, but the grasp on Mark's throat increased in strength. Please kill him. Tighter, tighter, until Mark couldn't breathe. Mark closed his eyes and dropped down onto the ground as the creature finally let him go. The creature observed his corpse, as if marveling at his own work of demented art. ''Oh no, that character who we were introduced to only a few paragraphs ago is dead. I felt so close to…um….Matt, was it?''

It was half an hour later, and we were worrying. I went to go check on him and found his corpse. ''So you all just sat there waiting for half an hour while your fuck-buddy was choked to death? Wow. You are terrible people. At least call the cops.'' I nearly puked. There was no brutal damage or harm to it, but that's what scared me. In the movies it's always bloody and chopped up, nearly unrecognizable. But this was... was so real. Just a lifeless body there on the ground, nothing more to it. ''That part…was actually pretty good. It’s a good way to show the main character that she should be worried, and horror has officially left the realm of fiction for her. Kudos.''

The police said he was strangled to death by... something. Eyeless Jack is always called “something.” What’s with that? The finger prints on his neck were something odd. “They were actually ham sandwiches.” They scanned them and all, but the person they belonged to was murdered long ago. JFK? Jack Robins was a young boy who was brutally killed back in the 1970's. His parents were on a date, and he was being babysat by a local teen trying to get some quick cash. ''That’s what almost all sitters are looking for when they babysit. Trust me, it’s not because they care at all about the little puke.''

A strange man broke in while he was asleep and the sitter was busy on the phone. The man went through the house stealing everything he found useful. “Yes, this collection of the Encyclopedia Britannica is something I definitely need!” The sitter saw him and shrieked, only to be shot down by the robber. ''SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU’RE TO BLAME! BABY, YOU GIVE ROBBERS, A BAD NAME!'' The robber found Jack and pulled out his carving knife. Jack saw him and shrieked. The robber, not wanting to get caught, shot him, and then cut his eyes out with the knife. ''He doesn’t want to get caught, so he cuts the dead kid’s eyes out with a knife? That would make you easier to trace, because you would have eyes on your person. Unless you decide to leave them at the house. But seriously, why would a robber who’s trying to be sneaky cut out someone’s eyes?''

I was shocked when I heard this. That poor kid. But what was the killer doing with his fingerprints? He bought them on eBay. Was it a coincidence? Was the killer the same one who did this terrible, terrible thing all those years back, and the sicko kept Jack's hands with him? I’m pretty sure the police would have mentioned the fact that Jack was also missing his hands. I was scared. Me and my parents were staying in a hotel room since the murder, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was still in the house... ''Why do you keep saying, “Me and my [insert people here]”? Don’t you know the rule: if you take out the “and whoever” part, and it doesn’t make sense, you’re doing it wrong. For example, “Me and my parents were” would become “Me was” (you should change the tense) based on this rule of thumb. It should be “My parents and I”. The more you know.''

Meanwhile, in the woods, Jack woke up. He saw that he was in Slender Man's body. ''And this just crossed into yaoi territory. Yipee.'' But more importantly, he actually saw. He discovered that Slender Man didn't just take over his body, he switched both of their souls into each other's bodies. ''So Slender Man’s soul is in Jack’s body? And that causes him to see? There are a few things wrong with that. First, how can Slender Man see if he has no face? Do the tentacles act as a sensory apparatus of sorts? And second, if that’s so, then the soul shouldn’t dictate physical abilities, just personality traits. So by that logic, Jack should have Slender Man’s personality, and vice versa. And third, according to this story, Jack is a spirit, or a soul, basically. So according to that, Jack would take over Slendy’s body, and Slendy would be a disembodied spirit. And doesn’t Slender Man eat souls according to this story? Ugh. Let’s hope nothing else stupid rears its ugly head.'' Jack, now able to see, used this to follow the Slender Man's foot prints to the house.

The police were investigating the scene of the crime, and went into the basement. “The police realized they made a huge mistake when they saw the sex dungeon in the basement.” The entire house was totally dark. ''Why, exactly? Did the power go out? Because that’s never really stated outright.'' The two police man walked slowly down the stairs, and entered the dark room. The basement was flooded up to the police men's ankles because of the rain. Our house was an old one and it was always in a really crappy condition. You should have gotten it remodeled then.

They found the old light switch and flipped it, only to be attacked and killed by Slender Man in Jack's body. ''So why did Slender Man do the body switch? Was it to kill cops? Because I’m pretty sure he could’ve done that in his body. He took on TAAAAAAKE ONNNNN ME (TAKE ON ME)''  the other cops as they ran down the stairs. Their bullets did nothing. The body may have been harmed, but it was just flesh and bones. Useless flesh and bones. ''That last sentence was unnecessary. Also, Slender Man is a bad body host. He got Jack’s body all full of bullet holes. Also, I’m pretty sure that getting shot might actually hurt Slendy-in-Jack’s-body, since it should at the very least impede some of his abilities.'' As the battle in the basement was going on, Jack in Slender Man's body broke down the front door, searching for his impostor. ''Wait, so Jack is mad at Slender Man? Why? Is it because of the body switch? If so, this makes me wonder even more why Slender Man did that.'' He rushed down the stairs to confront Slender Man. Slender threw his knife into Jack's face, distracting him as he grabbed a metal pipe up from off the floor. Wait, if Jack-in-Slendy’s-body can see because he’s in Slender Man’s body, then how can Slender Man see in Jack’s body? He hit the already dazed Jack in the head, knocking him to the floor. Jack got up and pulled the knife out of his head, impaling Slender Man with it. Slender Man seemed to slow down for a bit, but no real harm was done. Except for, you know, probably destroying some vital organs or something.

Slender Man tore the knife out and dropped it to the ground. It was useless. Slender Man hit Jack with an uppercut, grabbed him and threw him into the furnace, closing him in and turning it on. So the body of Eyeless Jack can grab and throw the body of Slender Man? Jack struggled to break free, but Slender Man was holding him in with all his strength. ''Jack, that body had tentacles and teleportation and shit. Use some of that!'' Jack pushed against the furnace with all his might, and finally jumped out, tackling Slender Man over.

He held Slender Man's face down under the water, trying to drown him, but Slender Man managed to push up and knock Eyeless Jak down. ''Two things. First, Eyeless Jak. Wow. Fail. Second, if bullets and knife wounds don’t hurt that body, what makes you think that drowning him will accomplish anything?'' Jack reached for a nearby tool bag and pulled out a drill, sticking it into Slender Man's face. He turned it on, and it began to cut into his face. Slender Man grabbed the drill and pulled it out, throwing it over onto the stair case. That shouldn’t have done anything, should it? Slender picked up the carving knife, slashed Jack across the chest with it, and jumped up and cut a pipe above Jack's head. Tons of sewage poured down onto Jack, knocking him to the ground and covering him with the slop. Eyeless Jack is covered in his own story.

Slender Man left, leaving Jack to die. Slender Man grabbed a thing of matches on the kitchen counter, lit one, and threw it to the ground, burning down the building as he turned and ran out the back door. ''So Slender Man is just going to leave his body there? Ok.'' The entire house burnt up and collapsed in, crushing Jack completely and seemingly finishing him off. The police told me and my parents about what happened. ''Wait, how did they know? Those cops were killed before most of the fighting started.'' They didn't know anything about the two killers or what really went on, but they knew that the house burnt down. I was devastated, but I was hoping that... that THING... was killed in the fire. So do I, but this story isn’t over yet, so he’s probably still alive. I thought it was all over. I told my parents I was ready to go back to school, but they hesitated to let me. We talked it through, and they decided I was okay. ''Wait, you wanted to go to school? Why?''

The next day at school, my friends from the sleepover, Anne and Lauren, asked me what happened. I told them everything. Jack, how Mark died, the house burning down, etc.,etc. They were shocked. Everyone who overheard was shocked too. One kid approached us. He said that Jack never really died, and that he is still alive. Who the fuck is this kid? Everybody that he was crazy, but he said that Jack's spirit still wanders the Earth, searching for the man who killed him. Yeah, this kid eats glue regularly, doesn’t he? The janitor saw all the commotion, and told the kid to go down to the principal's office. He turned to the rest of us and said to get to class. The principal told the kid that the legend of Eyeless Jack was just crazy talk. Not crazy talk, just bad writing. Rumor spread that all these stories of monsters and ghosts and stuff was all actually real and the adults were keeping it from us, like some crazy conspiracy. “The sale of tin foil hats skyrocketed during this time.” Now it was like a rebellion was on the horizon. ''So we go from Slender Man making Eyeless Jack a proxy to a sleepover to body switching and death to a school rebellion? Just…what the fuck?'' How could these things really exist without anybody letting us know? It's our right to know these kinds of things! Stick it to the man! If they're trying to protect us it clearly isn't working because now Mark has been murdered! ''Of course he was murdered. It was all part of the plan.''

I was angry. We were all angry. But we still had to carry on ''MY WAYWARD SON. THERE’LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE. LAY YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REST. DON’T YOU CRY NO MORE.'' The prom was coming soon, and I planned on asking Mark to go with me and maybe we could officially start dating, but then this whole crazy thing happened. “So I decided to engage in necrophilia.” I went with Brad, Mark's friend, but I felt really guilty. ''“My sort of boyfriend died. I’ll go to the prom with his friend!”'' Just because Mark was killed I went out with his best friend? It was messed up, I knew it. You said it, not me.

Everything was fine at the prom, until... it happened. Someone spilled pig blood on Carrie? Chuck and Anne sneaked away to make out or something dumb, and then he came. Wow, Chuck, that’s got to be a record. They went over by the lockers and made sure nobody was looking, but then they heard footsteps. They thought they were caught, but it was much worse. “Their parents wanted in!” That masked man that strangled Mark. It was here! It grabbed Chuck and held him up against the wall by his throat. So is this Slender Man or Eyeless Jack? Anne shrieked in terror as the creature stared into Chuck's eyes. Stared deep down into his soul. Then it took him and it threw him straight out the window. So he chucked Chuck’s body is what you’re trying to say. A car was driving by, and Chuck's body landed straight on the windshield, nearly shattering the glass.

The principal and the gym teacher both came running to help us out, but they were no match. The masked man grabbed both of the two and hit their heads together, knocking them unconscious, and then he stuffed both of their bodies into a locker. That’s what they get for being nerds. He slammed the door, locking them inside, and then turned around to face Anne. He ripped a locker door off of the wall and hit her upside the head with it, knocking her down. ''Eyeless Jack has super strength? Fine. Sure. Why not?'' She got up and ran, and the man... no, not a man... the DEMON rushed after her. Wait, he’s a demon now?

She ran into the gymnasium, where we all were, and told us to run. Too late. The creature bursted in and impaled her with a leg he tore off a desk. ''Where did he get the desk? Did he just go into a classroom and get a desk leg? Because most hallways and gyms don’t have desks.'' She dropped to the floor, and he tore the leg out of her corpse. ''And now she’s going to bleed out. Good work!'' We all ran out screaming, but some of us weren't as lucky. Well, Chuck was almost lucky… Me, Brad, Lauren, and the janitor all got out alive and took off in Brad's van. The janitor drove us away, and said that he knew about Eyeless Jack. ''So the janitor is driving a van full of teenagers? Yeah, that’s not sketchy at all.'' He confessed to us, telling us that the kid from the hallway was right all along. How did that kid even know? They just didn't want kids knowing to try and keep them safe, but it clearly didn't work. ''There is so much wrong with this. First, how do the adults know about this? Second, knowing these things would help them be prepared. Withholding the information just lets the kids die ignorant. Third, isn’t this a story about Slender Man fighting Eyeless Jack? Because it feels more like a story involving child/adult mistrust. Actually, it feels more stupid than anything.'' As we were driving, a flaming man in a tuxedo ran out into the road, and we accidentally hit him. Oops. The janitor thought it was a victim of Jack from the prom, so he rushed out to save him, but the faceless man got up and grabbed him, throwing him into the sky with all his might. “The janitor never came down.” We screamed in horror, and Brad leaped into the driver's seat, ramming over the man.

We drived off as it tried chasing us on feet, but we managed to escape. It might have had a better chance if it chased you on foot. We were all scared, and none of us knew what was going on. Neither do I, to be honest. I remembered the faceless tuxedo man, though. I could never forget him. It was the Slender Man. But he was real? ''HOW COULD YOU ASK THAT QUESTION? YOU JUST RAN OVER HIM! OH MY GOD, I HATE THIS STORY!'' We were all scared witless. We didn't know what was happening, we just knew to get away as quick as possible. Meanwhile, Slender Man and Jack had a score to settle themselves. Jack (in Slender Man's body) arrived at the school to face his foe. Yes, because all good epic climatic confrontations take place at a school. The two saw each other, and nothing could stop them. Nothing else in the world mattered. It was just them, face to face again at last. Sure, Slender Man had won it the last two times, but now Jack knew better. “He knew he would get his ass kicked.”

Jack grabbed the knocked-over punch table, lifted it up over his head, and threw it right at Slender Man, knocking him over. Does the author even know the abilities of these two characters? Jack quickly ran over and started punching Slender Man repeatedly. I guess not. Slender Man kicked Jack in the chest and knocked him over. Slender Man started to kick Jack in the face over and over, even stomping on his head. Please kill him so that this story can end. Jack got up and overpowered Slender Man, picking him up and throwing him up on the stage. Damn it. Jack ran over and jumped up, hitting Slender Man in the chest several times and damaging his decaying ribcage. But it’s weak and useless flesh and blood, right? Jack grabbed Slender Man by the throat and threw him down onto the ground. Jack grabbed one of the band's amps, lifted it up with all his strength, and dropped it down onto Slender Man. Jack picked up a bottle of water off the floor and poured onto his semi-crushed opponent, frying him completely. ''Ok. And it’s over now, right, right?''

Jack, victorious, left to find me and the others. We were at Brad's house, and we went inside we saw his dad, dead, hanging from the ceiling by a rusty metal chain. Why and how? We were shocked, and Brad broke out crying. Me and Lauren let him have his moment, so we went in his room to discuss it. ''Good. Maybe you two could clear up some plot holes.'' Lauren said that maybe somebody in the town was the one who killed him and that's why this is happening, but I knew it had to be something more. The plot?

I mean, why was Slender Man there? Please refer to my last comment. Brad walked in, still sad, and asked what was going on. Lauren told him her theory, but he didn't believe it either. Suddenly, a corpse was thrown straight through the window, crashing onto the foor. ''Why…what? Ugh. This is almost over. Just get through this, Dorkpool. You can do this.'' We all shrieked in terror as we saw the message. It was... written in blood on his chest! It said “GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE AND NO ONE GETS HURT.” "YOU ARE WRONG". He was spying on our conversation? ''Um, how? And don’t say it involves him using Slender Man’s abilities, since clearly he can’t.'' Suddenly, Jack kicked the door down. Of course, he was in Slender Man's body so we couldn't tell it was Jack at first. He as holding the corpse of Brad's dad, and threw it right at Brad, knocking him to the ground. “I’LL HIT A MOTHERFUCKER WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER!”

Brad screamed, and we all ran off, being chased by Jack. Goodbye, Brad. We got outside and into the van, but the tires were slashed. Suddenly, Jack ran out of the house and jumped up on the hood of the car, kicking the windshield. It shatter and broke open, and he reached in to get us. Please kill them so that this story will end. Brad kicked him in the face and we ran out, trying to escape on foot. Suddenly, a beaten up and bloodied Slender Man (in Jack's body) ambushed us and stabbed Brad in the heart several ttimes with his knife. Why not try stabbing Jack? We shrieked and ran off, when suddenly a car stopped right in front of us on the road. It was Brad's mom, home from shopping! That is incredibly convenient. She said she heard about what was happening and immediately left the store to get us! These sentences warrant exclamation points!

We drove off as the two monsters fought each other once again. What is this, like the 10th or 20th time? Slender Man stabbed Jack in the face several times, but Jack was unharmed. ''Seriously? Ugh.'' He grabbed Slender Man, lifting him up off the ground, and threw him into the streets. Jack charged at him, but Slendy kicked him in the stomach and then got up and punched his face several times. Jack overpowered Slendy and pushed him down to the ground, elbowing him in the face. I would use “overpowered” in a different sense when describing this story. The two struggled and pushed eachother around, until Slender Man managed to push Jack up and throw him off of him. Slender Man got up and ran off to find us, leaving behind Jack. ''JUST. KILL. HIM. You’re worse than a Bond villain.''

We told Brad's mom what happened, from what happened to Mark, to Jack, to the house burning down, and what happened at the prom. She was depressed that her husband and her son were both murdered, and we were sad about all the murders too. ''But only sad. Not morose or melancholy. Just sad.''

Suddenly, a truck rammed into the car and sent us off road into the forest. ''“We crashed into a tree and then we died. The end.” Please be the end.'' The truck chased us into the woods until we hit a tree and the car went tumbling down a path. We jumped out the first chance we got and watched in horror as the car rolled down the nearby docks and fell into the water. HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD?

The truck came crashing after us, and Slender Man stepped out. I did not know Slender Man could drive. He began to chase us, and we managed to get to an abandoned factory. We picked up a wooden plank and put in through the door handles, locking him out. ''He was able to defeat the body of Slender Man and rip the doors off lockers. I’m sure a plank of wood won’t save you guys.'' We went into another room so we wouldn't be able to hear the freak pounding on the door. We were terrified. There was no hope left. What could save us now? ''Nothing. You all die. The end!''

Suddenly, Jack arrived. Slender Man turned around to face the creature, and was immediately kicked in the gut. ''Another fight scene? Haven’t we had enough of those?'' He stumbled backwards and slammed into the door. He grabbed Jack by the throat and began to strangle him. He eventually just lifted Jack up by the throat and threw him down into the ground. He kicked Jack in the face several times, but Jack got back up. Jack grabbed Slender Man and threw him over into the distance. Slender Man saw a little canoe and picked up the ore, So Slender Man used a mineral from a boat to attack Jack? charging at Jack and impaling him through the ribs with it. Jack pulled the ore out and hit Slender Man upside the head, knocking him down. Slender Man got up again, only to be smacked by the ore and sent flying. Slender Man landed on the docks, and Jack ran over at him. Meanwhile, we thought the coast was clear so we opened the door and looked outside, stupidly enough. Yes, you are, indeed, stupid. We saw the two fighting on the docks and couldn't help but watch. Yes, that’s it, watch them fight instead of running away or something.

Jack hit Slender Man with an uppercut, knocking him over. Slender Man got back up and punched Jack in the face repeatedly, knocking him back a bit. Jack picked the ore back up and hit Slender Man in the face with it, knocking him down. Jack was serious now. He’s super cereal. He lifted the ore up above his head and pushed it down into Slender Man's chest. He kept stabbing him and stabbing him with it until Slender Man managed to get up and take the ore from him, throwing it into the water.

Lauren yelled out to us, pointing at a stick of dynamite she found. Yes, because dynamite is always located near docks. Brad's mom pulled out her lighter and lit it. We threw it onto the dock as the two were fighting. This was it. Our last hope. Also my last hope, since hopefully it will kill you all and end this story. Slender Man and Jack were brutally beating eachother, and didn't notice the TNT. Suddenly, it finally went off, and it blew the two into the air. They went off into the sky, and crashed down into their watery graves. The end, right?

It was finally over! YEEEESSSSSSSS! We were saved! We ran out to get back to town, but little did we know it wasn't over. Oh, come on!

Slender Man and Eyeless Jack awoke in a fiery pit, surrounded by a whole crowd of demons. They seemed to be chanting some weird spell, Actually, they were chanting, “OOOGA CHAKA” multiple times when a strange, creepy statue of Link from the Legend of Zelda series appeared before the two, and smiled deviously. Please don’t do this.

"Men..." he said, "What seems to be the problem?" ''Wow. You couldn’t have ended it with BEN’s catch phrase or something, noooo, you have this bullshit. Also, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK FUCK JUST FUCKING HAPPENED FOR THIS BULLSHIT TO HAPPEN? AAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHH!''

This story is just awful, to be honest. It makes no sense plot wise, the characters have little to no personality, and there are too many damn fight scenes. The only pros about this story would be that it usually has adequate spelling and grammar, and there was an interesting idea in it (Slender Man being affected by how much people fear him). But honestly, it's crap. What's worse is that the comments on the story are saying that it's "very good" and "9/10". Yeah. I'm not kidding, folks. Do people have any taste at all? Ugh. I just hate this story so much, so I'm going to do something I've never done before: I'm going to comment on the story, and write, "Here's my opinion", and link the Riff to the story.

What do you all think? Was this story 9/10? Do you think I was too angry during this Riff? Do you wish I would have some weird body switch thing that makes no sense? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.