Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30365532-20180715030431/@comment-25569708-20180715033227

I would say that the video itself is disturbing, yes.

But the way you described it to the reader is very rushed and lacking in details. I would not even call it a creepypasta, because it is a half dozen unpunctuated, grammatically-unlinked half sentences that can be read in under twenty seconds. More importantly, there is no plot as you simply recount the history of the video and offer two or three of your own theories. There is just no substance here. You need to greatly expand your writing and then format your thoughts into a proper tale with an actual plot.