Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24281984-20151008181317/@comment-26326346-20151019012200

Grizzly Bear wrote: Doom Vroom wrote: I liked it and felt the suspense when it came to whether or not the main character's friends survived, but didn't find it creepy at all. I don't see any problems with the helicopter as some towns/cities have emergency choppers.

It did feel a bit rushed to me as we didn't get to deal with the main character's guilt or grief that much. It didn't come across as edgey though, so no worries there. I feel that it would be neat if you ended it to where Ramona's specter is standing outside the main character's window when they look at the sun and have it be seen by the main character. It'd add a supernatural and creepy element to the story as well as leave it open ended which would cause the reader(s) to come up with theories on the ending.

This is all just my opinion though. It was well written and a good short story :) I've noticed I have a tendency to subtitute intense emotion for actually scary things in creepypastas. >_< I'm glad you enjoyed it as is, though.

I didn't really go into the main character's grief because that wouldn't be something I'd feel entirely comfortable writing. I really don't know much about the feeling of grief because I've never experienced it very strongly and I don't want to try to write what I don't know yet.

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll take that into account if I remake this story. Your help is very much appreciated. :)

Anytime Grizzly! I really appreciated your help and honesty on that poem I tried writing a while back, you saved me from posting something awful XD