Talk:The Camp in the White Mountains/@comment-25941663-20150528113301

Since this is your first pasta, I feel I have to give you some feedback.

I will start by saying that the story is a bit average. It is not bad, but not good either.

The main reason for this is the fact that your story feels disconnected. You tried to cram in two scares (haunted pc with creepy image + cabin does not exist) where one would suffice. The two scares could have easily been two separate pastas and throwing them into one takes away from their scare-factor. There is no real connection between the two and it shows. If the pasta was (much) longer, maybe you could have gotten away with it, but in short pastas it is safer to stick with one scare and try and build up to it.

Of course, the twist that the cabin wasn't real was unexpected, but it didn't add much to the experience.

Apart from that, you should space out paragraphs a bit more. When you change topic you should also change paragraph.

All in all, this was an ok read, but it could have been better. But excellent try for a first pasta, very well done. Keep it up.