Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32764586-20180522211853/@comment-9041013-20180522231735

It has some mechanical issues, like "grabbed his risk" ... The flow is broken towards the end, "he wept, but the child wouldn't ever wake up because the father ate him" - well that escalated quickly. I think you're skipping points here, there's a lot of build that suddenly breaks and we are thrown into the tragic conclusion instead of smoothly walking into it.

It's also kind of dry, I get it that its not you alone and you can't go into a long detailing spree, but its just kind of too short, kind of too dry. Also, why is Max all of the sudden possessed by the devil? "We'll all go to hell" I guess you could've made it like more of a son doubting his fathers obvious bullshit, asking him "mom's dead, right?" "we're going to hell, right" etc. Why the giggles...

The kind of medieval setting was alright, until you mentioned a farmer butchering pigs with a sword... why no use a knife, mate? why?