Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20151013235142/@comment-4849011-20160103231137

Okay, without further delay, here's my review. This was great. There was a sense of dread all the way through it, and as always there were great descriptions (such as the creature's fingers). I found the description of the Hiiet and Hualau thought-provoking because a lot of groups have been discriminated against (For instance, look at the way a lot of people viewed Haitians in the 1980s). I was tickled by the speculation about why Clarissa was such a lowlife, and it's funny how these fantastic creatures are treated as commonplace as cats and mice.

Here are some typos.
 * “It might also jus' be 'cause she was th' youngest o' three sisters, 'n th' spoiled rotten apple o' th' lot.” Martina broke in. - There should be a comma instead of a period before "Martina broke in".
 * “But Victor would only learn about those defections years later,” Captain Jarvis paused as he puffed on his pipe some more. “That, however is a whole different story...Well, as I was saying, my father soon realized he was traversing through the famous Lost Rooms. Eventually, he started keeping a journal on his nightly travels. It would be impossible to describe every door and room he passed through in such a short time, but he had little to fear in the beginning.”- Since he's still speaking, there shouldn't be quotation marks at the end of this passage.
 * “Because there was life within those rooms,” he replied. “Life that despite all its foreignness, was somehow very familiar to him--elderly club members reading newspapers and being served by dapper waiters, people having tea-with-gossip sessions, college students studying or raising hell, dragons and other hoarding creatures lounging on various furniture, surrounded by the Van Devereuxes 'misplaced’ wealth. None of these folk seemed to aware of the passages between their worlds nor were they aware of my father’s presence. He moved noiselessly like a ghost, watching as the various inhabitants casually went about their daily lives.- "seemed to aware" should be "seemed too aware"
 * ‭‭“‘This blade just won’t do, it’s much too blunt,’ he finally said in a chocked whisper. ‘But I might have a wet stone with me.’- I think you meant "choked whisper". Also, it's a "whetstone".
 * There are a couple paragraphs which should have quotation marks at the beginning.

There were a couple others, but it looks like you've corrected them already. It's always a pleasure to leave you feedback. :-)