Talk:Immersion/@comment-24791560-20150809000317

I think this opens with a fascinating hook that could attract most readers. The concept of it all starts great and keeps me attententive, however you lose me when you start describing the game and detail the peculiar occurences. My advice, stick with the same opening but change the effects of the "immersive" experience, and also don't worry so much about describing each and every detail of the game. Overall it stands as a 5/10 on the fear scale, but has a 10/10 on potential.