Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24982247-20140525071435/@comment-9967354-20140526111020

Interesting, really. Although a wee bit flawed. And I'm not sure if I understand this.

For one, the mother's warning:

''Growing up, mum had always warned me away from the woods near our place. “Josh,” she would say, “Never go into the woods at night.”, “There are things that wander the woods at night.”, “It’s dangerous in the woods at night.”''

I know you wanted to add that for effect, but it made it seem a bit cheesey. It could just be me, though. Perhaps you could word it as:

Growing up, mum had always warned me away from the woods near our place.

“Josh," She'd say, "Never go into the woods at night.”, 

“There are things that wander the woods at night.”,

Or perhaps, “It’s dangerous in the woods at night.”

Italics help express some things that you cannot quite clearly. She's not saying all this together. Also, from the rest of the story, I gather that all she ever does is warn him about the mysterious woods.

The teddy bears in the forest were an interesting addition to the plot. I like the fact that you stated clearly that their little gathering would have been comical if it weren't for the person. Maybe you could add a bit of details, or remove some, because it's perfectly understandable that Josh wasn't thinking straight at the moment. No time to linger on bits that go by fast.

Maybe you should change the last part, because no one would write this much while being in mortal danger. When your character is in a safe place, you could write more about the moment when the teddy bears were coming after you. You could write about your terror, the noises outside your door, etc. Maybe make good use of onomatopoeia. If you don't know what that is, knick knack smick smack pish posh, -look it up.