Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9041013-20181027120725/@comment-9041013-20181028105341

DrBobSmith wrote: Bloody Spaghetti,

Many of the individual sentences seem to be run-on to me. That increases the confusion. A good example follows.

"The bound man could only stare at the gargantuan monster standing before him, an ocean of arms and joint’s sprawling from its fleshy pulsating core in various directions grabbing and grasping at the void around it while a horde of fish-eyed visages decorate its disturbing shape, staring at all directions and nowhere at once, their mouths wailing in an unheavenly agonized unison."

This mixes tenses as well and has an off the chart reading level as well. Either you have to go over it several times to understand it, which kills suspension of disbelief, or you skip over it, not really having understood part of the progression of the story.

Are you trying to imitate an old style?

Dr. Bob Thanks for that.

First, I don't think suspension of disbelief is required here, because I am quite certain it's clear this is pure fiction that does not try to pass off as a real life event. Hence the intricate imagery. I did revise some stuff over there but the big words are staying because I did not feel like I would do the story justice if I used plain phrasing like "Big monster with many eyeballs".

Wasn't trying to imitate older English but there are some influences from an early 20th century author.