Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-39934715-20190706161054/@comment-40052450-20190706164955

I'm a relatively optimistic guy, so I'm gonna get the positive stuff out of the way first.

When I started reading, I automatically assumed it would be another amutuer ghost story filled with cliches and grammaricel errors. And I have to admit...I was surprised. The story dug way deeper than that, and most of the fear came from that creepy-ass grandma, not the paranormal activity itself. So kudos to you.

Usually stories of this nature have predictable endings and what not, but you managed to pull off TWO plot twists, both of which caught me by surprise. Especially the last one. That was pretty morbid. The story telling was also pretty smooth and you rarely repeated yourself. I saw little to no grammarical mistakes beside a few miswordings and one or two run ons.

However, there is room for improvement. You're story, especially near the beggining, spends so much time world-building instead of digging into the actually plot as most Creepypasta's do. For example:

''"The Sack Man" as locals here, refer to it. My family first arrived in Poland, or "Vodka Lane" as my father jokingly calls it, on a plane from Frankfurt, Germany. We arrived in a small town named Ustroń, where we settled in for the next few years of my life. I can still remember my childhood home. It was this wonderful red-brick hut at the end of the street near the woods. ''

''The transfer to a new country was...well, difficult to say the least. But, with my grandmother holding my hand every step of the way, I managed. I can still remember her. Her toothy grin, that one mole on her nose. More than anything, though, she loved her garden. The one thing that could still give her joy, apart from us of course, was the massive garden hidden behind the house's lengthy exterior. ''

''The garden had to be protected. That's why she had it. Sitting in the green shed, behind our bicycles and resting in between six large jars of jam, was a scarecrow. I can't exactly you what it was, but the thing always gave me an uneasy feeling. The aged straw it was made out of or the tattered clothes of children it wore really didn't bother me. It was its eyes. They were strained, human-like. And the color was completely sickening: a rotting, almost fleshy pink. ''

Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of world building. But, although I'm not saying these paragraphs are bad or poorly written, a short internet story isn't really the time and place for it. You also take you're time getting to the story itself. While most Pasta begin to tell the story or at least decribe SOMETHING morbid in the first two paragraps, you didn't jump into the plot until the very end of the third one.

Also, although you did and amazing job accurately describing bot the "Bubak" and the thing in the basement, you often spend too much time over analyzing literally every character except for the ones that matter most, in my opinion: Luka and that "Niko" kid.

Now, one major thing that I appluade you for is you're creative scenario, in which the plot constantly flip-flops between realistic and then back supernatural and then to realistic before settling with supernatural. I don't really have a problem with this, but some people may find it irriating. Also work on trying to tone done you're repetative wording.

All in all, it definitely has some potential and appeal. I believe, with some minor edits, you could get this onto the wiki. Overall, 8/10 rating.