Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25170312-20150912042159/@comment-25547916-20150913005856

Well, here's my two cents on the story:

The disappearing closet is a really cool idea, and I think it's pretty well presented throughout the story. I also thought the ending built up fairly nicely, with Lily shutting herself in being a very tense climax.

Some issues with the story:

Lily's character seems inconsistant. Her insistance upon wanting the secret room seems really childish, but later she swears a ton and steals a car, which seems to be late teenage behavior. On the subject of swearing, you might considering want to tone her language down a bit. Not that there's a problem with swearing, but her screaming "fuck" every line gets repetitive and loses the impact that it should have. A kid swearing at their mom should be a big moment for the character, but Lily just keeps coasting over curses like it's nothing. Another issue for the story is the last line; It's very cheesy. It feels like the story should just end with the closet being empty without the little zing from the couple.

Generally, I think it's a pretty good story, but has a few hiccups throughout. The length is also a bit daunting and could possibly be trimmed down, but as that might negatively effect the pacing, there's probably nothing to be done about that. So, yeah, nice job.