Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444017-20180817061439/@comment-9041013-20180817213027

TheWizardOfTheWoods wrote: Understood. In all honesty, the ending was rushed and rather rough. I've been trying to finish this thing for days, and was very tired when writing it.

I'll look into the spelling and grammar errors, but I don't have access to a spell checker. The best I can do is throw it in the visual editor, which is what I intend to do when finalizing it anyway. I've tried free grammarly before, and while it tells you how many problems you have in a certain area, it doesn't actually show them to you.

As for Hanson, I can tone down his personality toward the end a bit. Instead of hostile, I can make him more reclusive and nervous, and more unhinged than in control at the end. Like I said, I kind of rushed the ending, and totally missed a bit of dialogue I meant to include that outlined him moving to live subjects. I'll see what I can do; there's a fair bit to work on with him.

I still want Denise to be alive, but I might switch it to Harrier instead. I think that's a great idea. To solve the hypothermia issue, I can make mention of the heat billowing out of the room when the door opens, and how sweltering it is inside. I can put sponges, rags, and buckets of water into the room, and have Garret's death be a result of the cold the first time around, thus prompting Hanson to heat the room. I'm adamant that I want her alive, because I find a mangled corpse that's still raspily breathing to be far more frightening that a regular dead body.

Clearly I have some work to do, and I'll probably get to it tonight once I'm home from work. Thanks for the feedback. It really helped illustrate what needs to be done. :) I like your dedication to the idea, do it. Maybe I should've ran my latest story through the workshop just in case too.