Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20180828001306/@comment-5733573-20180901151509

Something I didn't comment on before that I really like is how cinematic this is. You've done a great job at several points of carrying us seemlessly through a very visual story, and moving from plot point to plot point. I really hope someone adapts this into a film one day.

Because of the parts where you have done this so well, a few other moments really stick out as feeling a little too flat. The description of the ritual feels a bit too straight forward, still. It needs some emotion injected into. I don't think you need to rewrite anything per se, just go through and add emotion where it makes sense. One possibility that sticks out is when the goat is slaughtered. There might be a cry of pain from the animal, a terrified look in its eyes, etc. See where else you can add a touch of emotion to this part of the story. This will really help you drive home how bizarre and unsettling it is.

The second thing: I have to talk about the ending again. You have the following sentence: "He wondered how long it would take for the granite mountain above him to erode." Boom! There's the button on your story. Ending it there would be so chilling. Anything beyond that honestly needs to go. I don't dislike the idea of the ending you've created, but I think it would make more sense and feel less out of place on another story. I strongly suggest removing it from this one, but saving it for another project.