Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-39380631-20190513192316/@comment-35911608-20190514163818

It feels a bit plain to me.

I know Night Crawler is just about some crazy monster that kills people and eats them, but if it were up to me, I'd adapt it from the song a bit more. You've got a 6000 word limit, make use of it, lengthen it out some more. There's not enough here to creep me out. Not sure how I feel about the creature repeating a line from the song.

You also have some tense-hopping issues; in the second paragraph, you start in present-tense, but then jump to past-tense.

Keep at it, and best of luck in the contest.