Talk:This Will Become You/@comment-29507836-20161022142139

Ugh, one spelling error here, one grammar error there, and another one right... he- Wait...

Fantastic! I loved the originality of the plot. Creepy channels are common, but true interaction during the show is one I've yet to see until now (I think). I also like the style of changing from improper wording to quite good grammar and spelling, however, it is not my first time seeing that on this site or any other site I've been on; it doesn't really matter though. It's executed perfectly. I also loved the reality of the man and his feelings and actions; it really felt like he was real and that he was submerged into the show itself.

However, one thing I did not like was the wording. No, I'm not talking about the first few paragraphs. I'm referring to the ones near the end. I did not like the way you worded your sentences since it just felt like you were trying to overcomplicate what you were trying to say. It also felt like you were just saying your emotions and not actually showing them to the readers. I hope the true author can see this.

I rate this story a very nice 7.5/10

Example given : [I'm reluctant to show it to anyone, in case they tell me to throw it away.]

You said that the main narrator was reluctant, but you never showed his hesitation in a manner where it felt true. Instead, you just put it there and seemed to hope for the best.