Board Thread:Administration/@comment-26526125-20160204074908/@comment-24101790-20160204081458

It was below quality standards. I left a message on your talk page. There were a number of issues present in the story ranging from punctuation, wording, and story issues.

Punctuation issues: commas missing before dialogue introductions. "yelling out "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"", "then rush downstairs yelling out "WHO'S THERE!?"", etc. Quotations misused/lacking. "She sniffled and let out a breif (sic) giggle. (quotation missing)I came in through your kitchen window.."" You also forget to hyphenate multiple compound words.

Wording: You tend to shift between earbuds and "ear buds" "heard with the ear buds.", " I turn to look at the ear buds", etc. You shift tenses multiple times from past tense to present. "My parents are going to be gone for the weekend for a rock concert in a different town," "But after about half an hour of listening to the songs, all of a sudden, it stops playing.", "She immediately gets out of my gentle hold and sits up.", etc. You're telling the story in past tense, you need to be uniform.

Awkward wording: "My eyes then widen in much suspicion", "Getting up, I rush towards the earbuds, ignoring the pain on my left ankle and my bruises, and grab them.", etc. Redundancy issues. "cuts my Skull Candy ® earbuds with a pair of scissors, severing the the cord that connected my earbuds and the jack." Avoid repeating items/words multiple times in the same sentence.

Story issues: Starting with basics, you should space out dialogue so two speakers are never talking in the same paragraph. This is done to prevent misattribution. ""WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" "Robin!"", ""Mandy..?" My girlfriend stared up at me, her eyes wide. "Oh my God, Robin I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do it I swear!"", etc.

Story issues cont.: The story uses a lot of tropes from haunted item creepypastas so the story comes off as cliche. Item appears randomly "I see a pair of dark red earphones, which seemed to be in perfect condition.", protagonist tries to destroy said item but can't " Panting in a fit of rage, I lunged forward with my weapon and began swinging it down on the device, hitting it many times with all I've got in an effort to smash it to pieces. But this only resulted in me completely breaking my wooden desk in half, the same thing with the wooden bat.", then goes insane. It's a pretty generic plot.

Story issues cont.: There are lines where I'm not sure if you're being serious or not because the scenario comes off as ridiculous. "I opened the cage to the sleeping family dog, then dropped the barbecue sauce soaked device in front of the canine. "Come on boy! Eat!"" The latter half feels rushed and the protagonist really seems like he's over-reacting to a pair of puzzling headphones. Seriously, his girlfriend leaves and then he hears them buzzing and he takes a baseball bat to them in such a fury that he snaps a desk in half. There isn't enough build-up or description to justify such an overreaction. I'm sorry, but this has way too many issues to ignore and the plot is way too generic and rushed to really excuse so many errors.