Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27494401-20160109211152/@comment-27494401-20160110091301

SoPretentious wrote: There's formatting errors, please switch the option panel labelled "preferred editor" to "source editor" in your editing preferences to prevent this.

Typos:

"But... I didn’t want to day."

"Around launch (lunch), my parents arrived."

"Even though she was is young..."

" They’re (Their) face(s) were distorted by the pain."

There are fragmented sentences that read choppily. There's missing context which is not leaving me in suspense, and the two main events of the story (the eyes in the attic, and the girl named Isabelle) seem disconnected. The early stages of the story are melodramatic, sort of like an overly detailed introduction, there's little action and the characters seem one-dimensional.

The end was much more impactful than the rest of the story, and there was suspense there as well.

An outline may help tie the events together, try writing out the main events before writing the story itself and it will be more cohesive. Sounds like a good suggestion. Well, gonna work on it.