Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24821182-20141102164221/@comment-24821182-20141102190233

Levi Salvos wrote: This is certainly an interesting piece; it held my attention throughout. The long beginning quotation doesn't really make sense without context though and I would be concerned that it could turn readers away right off the bat. Maybe move it to the end of the story? Victor's fate was fitting, with the crowd turning on him, though the final line felt a bit too idealistic to me. It sounded like the end of a cartoon and weakened the story. Just my opinion, of course. Also, I'm not sure that a crowd could turn that quickly on someone they admire. Maybe draw out their change. I didn't notice any glaring grammatical errors with the exception of the third paragraph of the main story: "Consecutively". I don't think that's the word you meant. Overall, it is a nice story, but the introduction lacks context on the first read, the pacing feels a bit rushed near the end, and the final paragraph IMO weakened the story. I've made alterations to everything you mentioned. You have been extremely helpful, and feel free to tell me if there's more stuff I should do.