Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33201530-20171113032531/@comment-24101790-20171122025716

Starting with the basics, I would suggest using source mode when making an article of forum post as it tends to create coding issues as can be seen here on your story: ,nowiki>" But tonight it makes me feel so scratchy. I mean inside, like a mosquito bit my soul and now there's a red lump itching where I can't get at it. I keep having to stop myself from scratching at my chest since it's not going to help. I don't know why, maybe I'm forgetting something from earlier? " This can sometimes make the text illegible as well.

You have a tendency to capitalize seasons that shouldn't be capitalized. "You only get this kind of feeling in Fall (fall) when it’s nice and cool.", "It's off compared to a Summer (summer) wind", "I want to feel the Fall (fall) wind.", etc. The seasons are rarely capitalized (except in poems which tend to anthropomorphize the season a bit more.). Here's a general guide on the topic.

Story: While it's an interesting concept, the stream-of-consciousness method of telling it detracts some. Lines like this help carry the story along: "I'm just trying to distract myself. Me talking to me. I’m sc- concerned about him while I walk down the sidewalk.", but towards the middle and near the end, the approach ended up wearing off and I found it hard to keep invested given the monotony of a lot of the topics the protagonist is thinking through. I think it might be more effective to slip in a few more references to something bad occurring to keep the reader focused to the end as the beginning already establishes that something has happened.