Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20191010220711/@comment-9041013-20191011001441

T'was nice.

I do have to say that the opening paragraph seems a little bit contrived and silly. While I'm a fan of "let's talk about stuff people don't want to talk about in themselves for a moment" sort of stuff. This whole "We won't admit we're actually X" is kind of lousy verbage that somewhat shows the writers inability to build his desired length. Your story could do without most of the first paragraph - it doesn't do much for the rest of the plot.

You've also mispelled Jeffrey with "Jeremy" once.

And, while I do think that the whole angle of the narrator understanding fully the consequences of the accident so quickly is a little too mature for his age and personality in his recalled memories, it's still pretty good considering it's a rare treat in these parts of fiction.

The closing statement is kind of weird too, "what did my parents do? this is still a mystery" Weird he never asked considering it affected him so deeply. Not to mention how it's probably just something to do with the burial of the dead kid and potentially dealing with his family somehow. I think there was too much emphasis on that where there shouldn't have been but that's just me.

Nottabed overall.