Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180822020522/@comment-35711173-20180824031642

Steven&quot;SpringBubba&quot;Savoy wrote: DrBobSmith wrote: L0CKED334,

A very good comment about being pulled out of the story. That really hurts suspension of disbelief. Excuse me Bob, may I ask you for a suggestion as how to use the information? Actually I do.

Learn how to effectively use a paragraph. This is a good intro, but you should study further. I would also suggest critically reading some well structured stories and get a feel for how they use paragraphs.

https://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Fatal_Disease/How_to_Start_a_New_Paragraph_Or:_How_I_Learned_to_Not_Make_a_Wall-o-Text

Also, rewrite the Chapter 1 and chapter 2 bit. You can have a transition in a paragraph over the four year difference.