Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31700097-20170409010947/@comment-31700097-20170409045841

Thank you for the criticism. I read my story about 10 times before I posted and it seemed fine to me, but I am probably super biased considering I have the whole thing visualized as I'm reading it. Yeah, I see a lot of the spelling/grammar issues, and a lot of repetitiveness, like as you mentioned, "the demon said", but I'm not sure what would be a better way. I want to make it clear who is saying what dialogue and since the demons are unnamed at that point, I don't know what I can use without repeating it. I also see what you mean when you say a lot of the awkward lines that don't sound like anyone would actually say.

About the characters: Yeah the character backstories didn't really come into play. Mike and Kevin were just meant to be filler characters, it's why I didn't bother giving Chris and Jose backstories. I tried to tie Dylan's backstory into the story (being a rapist), when he said he would have sex with Emma. Also what I had in mind is these were people who were in Hell, and in Hell you can't really play the moral police and say "You're a pedo get away from me." So that's why none of the characters made a big deal out of it, but yes I agree their backstories should've been more tied to their character. It's why I chose to leave the protagonist's backstory out of it. The whole story it's hinted that the protagonist did quite some terrible things, but I never go too specific for that reason.

About the plot: The experience was real, and from the second that protagonist woke up the dagger appeared in his hand. This dagger was different from the other knives, "as old as time itself". It transcends time and space. Which is why only the protagonist was able to bring it.

Thank you again for reading my story and giving feedback, I'm gonna make some big changes to it.