Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475017-20150615214339/@comment-25052433-20150616184306

I can't really comment too much on the plot as it stands right now, since this story is still largely unfinished. I can see it having potential, but it is still way too early for me to form any opinion that would be useful to you as a writer.

There are a lot of grammatical errors though that you need to fix. For example, dialogue should look like this:

"Are you going to the store?" asked John.

or...

"I am going to the store," stated John.

Dialogue should also start a new paragraph, as opposed to lumping it all together in one. It is rather confusing to the reader if a lot of quotes are lined up.

I would work on those basics while expanding the story, and you could potentially have a great story here. Best of luck!