The Identity of God



After knowing who is God... I slowly went to sleep. And I just knew that yes... I can die now.

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I always knew I am different. Ever since childhood. I never cry, I always question everything around me. I ask why the rain falls, how can you count it and other stuff. Yes. I am weird. My thoughts always get scrambled. One moment I'm looking at my teacher, then my mind will be transported to questioning how the universe works.

Everything seemed to be normal until one day, when I was a teenager. Me and my friends are skating home from going out to the arcades with some girls. A truck dashed from the corner, hitting my two friends and me. Instantly, I knew they were dead. I'm not sure but I know. Their bones cracked and blood is everywhere. I was crushed by a wheel, but I didn't feel shit. That's the day I learned I cannot die.

Everyday, for the next 10 years, I've been trying to kill myself. I didn't want to die of course. I just did it to prove to myself I am indeed, deathless. I've been slashing my wrists, jumping off buildings, and did you know? Muriatic Acid is sour as shit. I almost had this shitty idea to be a superhero. Saving people from fires and shit. But I didn't do it. I'm lazy as fuck.

When I'm 23, I met the love of my life. Miriam. She was so sweet. After only 6 months, we married. For the next 10 years, we had four children. I loved them so much. But there's shit that happened. Ever since I turned 32, I virtually stopped ageing. One day, out of complete bad luck, me and my wife was caught in a car crash. I looked at her as her very being slowly crash and every bone in her sweet body break. I watched her die. Then, an explosion. I escaped, clothes scorched but unscaved.

I wanted to go back to my children but they all thought I am dead. I spent the next 50 years wandering off. Living like a complete idiot. Having sex with every bitch I meet. But still, I am looking after my children. They all have grandkids now. I look like my grandchildren, my children older than me. I cursed everything why I can't die. Depression took over me. I desperately tried to kill myself. I can't. I turn to the heavens and blamed it for my curse.

My children died. Years go by and I lost count of my line. Everyone died. Humans now are so different than before. Then, races fought with each other. Everyone is killed by the mushroom clouds that were formed all around the world. Centuries go by. I thought that the human race will endure. They did not. After only 500 years, if I'm still right in counting the stupid years that go by, they turned into something different. Radiation made them evolve. I did everything to preserve my race. But fuck... I failed.

New creatures rise from the ashes. But they all died after thousands of years. I decided to hide inside a cave. A very long time passed. Days are so fast in my eyes. Left there, nothing to do but think, and constantly trying to kill myself. Then, one day, it became so hot. Rocks melt. I went out and all that happened was so quick. I saw the sun, covering the entire sky.

I now realized that nothing can be done. I experienced swimming through the molten Earth. Then, being trapped inside the sun. It was hot. Yes. But in time, it felt good. Nothing left to do but think. The sun shrunk. It became so small. And it remained that way for a very long time. I wandered, through space, still in my prime years. Stars died, planets died and I float in space. A very long time passed and the universe became darker and darker. Stars exploded, black holes existed. Being inside a black hole is so fucking boring. At first I became dust particles but after a very long time, as that black hole lose power, I came to myself again.

And so, here I was, watching everything pull each other to each other, it is cold here. A loud crunching noise almost deafen me, but of course it didn't, was heard. Then everything is so quiet. So, here I am thinking to myself. I forgot my name. I was left here for a very, very, very long time. One moment, I think I learned everything.

I smiled. In the nothingness that is surrounding me, I reached for the dense ball that formed when the crunch was heard. It exploded. I was shocked. It formed a bubble, the size of what I remember a basketball. Then, I controlled the passing of time. I saw luminous objects form inside it. I called them Ritnos. They are my favorite creations.

Then, I imagined small round objects around it. And they were good. I noticed one small ball filled with different Aramus, as what I decided to call them. They shout into the heavens, put their hands together and uttered comforting words. It felt good. I played around with them, killed some, raised the Kone that killed them as they sank into it. Then, one Aramus went on top of a Finte and talked to me. Me, tripping balls wrote on a stone tablet. I don't even remember what I wrote but I know it is bullshit.

Then, everyone died and new ones came. I saw one Arame. It is like an Aramus, but their hairs were longer and they are more attractive. I felt something I never felt for a very long time. I crafted winged creatures and sent it to her. I loved her so much. She bore a son, and I love him. But he got so ahead of himself so I decided to put him on two planks of wood. Aramus followed him, I don't know why. I am jealous.

Everything changed, they made things different. I got bored... I wanted to join my creations. But it is so long... I felt so lonely. I wanted to have an ending. Then, I saw someone, I saw a woman, carrying Aramus in her stomach. I remember her. Her love completely unending until her death.

After knowing who is God... I slowly went to sleep. And I just knew that yes... I can die now.