Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25425104-20150410215531

Author's Note: Alright, so here's my first piece. This is the preface to the pasta I plan on creating titled, "The Plague Doctor". Keep in mind, that any plot holes within this IS intentional, as this is a preface. Unless of course you find something I entirely did not answer, then feel free to point it out. I especially would really enjoy comments on the last few paragraphs, as I personally feel it was rushed, although others might think differently. If it's too clichè to you, please state why and I will try to revise it. If it's just unfixable, I will more than likely change the entire plot. This is an OC based pasta (an OC I created) that I hope isn't nerve racking to you because of how horrible this pasta probably is. Anyways, please leave good critiques. Thank you in advanced! (I tried to remove any repetition of words, but if you do find any that is overused, do alert me.)



“Other lane, you fucking idiot!” I heard a distant driver say to another. “What’s the hol’ up, moron?!” I cringed, and checked my watch. 7:03 a.m. “Crap, I’m going to be late for the conference.” I mumbled. I began tapping my foot uncontrollably and impatiently, with my sweaty palms around the gray steering wheel. I tried to turn the radio on to the local news station, by clicking the round black control button. Nothing but static. “C’mon you wretched piece of shit! I swear…” I trailed off as I let my anger consume the best of me. I twisted the old fashioned radio and cassette player, before bashing the dash board with all of my might.

It created a good forsaken high pitch screeching noise, and the out-of-date entertainment equipment began working again. “Thank the heavens…” I muttered under my breath. The traffic continued to be at a standstill, and as I wiped the sweat trailing down my temple with a handkerchief I had received from my grandfather. The initials “C.M.W.” was stitched into a corner of it in a cherry red, and grease stains spotted it in various areas. Just as my favorite newscaster, Jenna Winchester was about to announce the persecution of Remington Ryan, it was replaced with, “We are sorry to interrupt this broadcast, but a horrifying accident has just occurred on highway 30 near the city St. Michael, around 6 am today on the eleventh of June, twenty-twelve. One person was proclaimed dead, along with seven hospitalized from critical injuries. The cause of the accident is unknown; however eyewitnesses report that a man in his mid 30s was seen…” The radio cut out, and the sounds of thunder began to roar near and far.

Rain shortly followed, and I checked the time on my watch again. 7:11, I’m already in deep waters with my boss, and now this shit happens. “Why are you late Mr. Williams?” He’d ask me with his childish sarcastic grin. “My wife needed me to pick up her diner uniform from the dry…” “Ah ah ah, Mr. Williams I am positive you are aware of the rules and regulations, as well as the fine policy for tardy workers,” he’d then continue on his rudeness by abruptly cutting me off. As I continued to play the scenario out in my head, a tall man in a rusty old SUV with stickers portraying his family on the rear window stepped out of his car. I rolled down my window despite the storming weather, to peer out and observe why on Earth he’d want to stand in the open rain. He had a beer belly, that hung over his waist line, and a stained white tank top that revealed his sun burnt arms. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out his phone. He flipped open the top and began holding it into the air. He pressed a few buttons, and then started cursing worse than a sailor who has not had any liquor. “Fucking piece of shit phone. Work goddamn it!”  After a few attempts of waving it in the air, he shoved it back into his pocket. He glanced over his shoulder and I assumed he noticed me watching him. To clear the awkwardness quickly arising, I spoke to him saying, “Hey buddy! Maybe you should get one of these 4G phones and stop being such a caveman!” I snickered as I waved my smart phone out the window and began to roll back up the window. He grunted and ignored me completely, and proceeded to slam his car door menacingly and walk.

Checking my watch a third time, it had now been approximately 20 minutes of being stuck in this unearthly bundle of vehicles. I grabbed my briefcase and leather coat, and then stepped out of my shabby automobile. Maybe the hot headed red neck knew what he was doing. I could deal with the tow truck company later, if I feel it’s even needed. I locked the door, not really knowing why. It wouldn’t have mattered too much to do so, since of course no one would have dare tried to steal this rundown block scrap metal. I began strolling down the remaining of the highway, getting soaked in the lovely water that God allowed to add to my wonderful day. Besides all of the stunned looks people were giving me from within their cars and chuckles others were throwing at me, nothing interesting had happened on my adventure to the News Paper’s office. At least, not at that moment. There was nothing but silence. The droplets of nature bombarded the ground and clinking noises was to be heard all around.

Eventually coming near to my place of work, the rows of backed up cars and pissed off people remained almost in their same exact areas. The accident must not have been too far from where I was standing, I could vividly tune into the sound of sirens still going on, long after the announcement of the catastrophe. However, no ambulance or cop car was in sight. Not even the lights in the distance. “Odd.” I sighed out of disbelief. What nit-wit got their driver’s license out of a cereal box? I approached the city, where the highway both ends and begins. Having to take a left at a stop light, I waited calmly. It didn’t make sense to break a sweat by rushing myself, it was indeed right across the street, and I was fashionably late.

The comical play of my young boss and I arguing, and myself winning the lottery the next day and driving to his house doing wheelies and making unnecessary gestures in his yard made me chuckle. After amusing myself for a good while, I noticed the walk signal that would give me the right away, never appeared. Vehicles where going on with their business to the best of their ability, disregarding the fact of the crash. (Individuals turning right could do as they pleased, however, any others would have to wait.)The lights were in great condition and working perfectly. I pressed the button on the side of a stop-light pole, and waited again. Nothing happened. Aggravated, and not thinking clearly, I stepped out into the street, figuring the traffic would stop for me, since no would have wanted to have their insurance bills to go up an enormous amount. A Coca-Cola semi-truck acted as if it was oblivious to the fact that I was hurrying to the other side, and as a result, I jolted backwards, stumbling and almost falling down. I grumbled, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a black mast. I turned around swiftly, wondering what creep would possibly be hovering over me.

Searching front and back, left and right, no one else was at the street corner but me. I adjusted my grip on my brief case, and strived to get across the road. Once more, as if everyone was reckless with no morals, I was almost flattened a second time. Confused, I searched for anyone I could get the attention of, to possibly help me or alert my boss of the issue at hand, along with an excuse for my absence. A female across the way who too looked perplexed, locked eyes with me. “Hey!” I yelled to the top of my lungs. She stared at me and cuffed her ear. I shouted again, this time adding help to the sentence. An overwhelming amount of hopelessness overrode my emotions and thoughts. Why am I feeling so desperate? Am I going insane? Is this some sort of prank my co-workers are possibly pulling off? She mouthed words I could not understand, and cuffed both of her ears. She made her mouth bigger by making every effort to add emphasis to her words to make me comprehend. She pointed to the left of me and mouthed her words even the more. Instinctively, I gave my attention to whatever it was she was trying to tell me.

A man who appeared to be anorexic with pale skin stood by me. How’d he get over here without me noticing? Am I entirely unaware of what’s going on?! What even is going on?! He wore a blood stained white plague doctor’s mask. His noticeable features were darkened in every aspect, his mouth, around his nose, his neck. His eyes appeared as if they weren’t even really there. Just emptiness and darkness, like staring into void. He wore dusty brown work boots, faded and worn out jeans, along with a dim gray vest hoodie. Each piece of clothing he wore gave off a deathly vibe, along with the blood stains that coated it. He didn’t speak, just stared at me. I began wondering who would be dressing up in the middle of June. Perhaps he was some deranged escaped mental patient. Frightened, I turned around to begin my way back to my car, without drawing attention or making a scene. My plans were unfortunately ruined. He grabbed the back of my collar picking me entirely up off the ground and threw me at unbelievable strength into the road. Screaming for my life, the world around me seemed to evaporate. The sirens grew louder and louder, a massive migraine grew inside of my entire well-being. I closed my eyes, anticipating that when I open them, I will be safe and sound in the arms of my loving beautiful wife, in our cozy small apartment, with our new born child asleep in his crib.

Weeping and distraught, I force open my eyes. Everything around is me is still. No sound, no motion. The rain has even frozen in mid fall. I took a step forward; behind grateful I was not paralyzed. But to my demise, I was in the middle of commotion. Motionless commotion. Police officers and medics were rushing towards me, in the only stationary ways they possibly could. Looking at the ground and at my feet, I saw a limp body, mangled in many ways unimaginable. Then I noticed a disoriented brief case not too far from it, and leather strips. A billfold near it was open. In denial, I stepped forward and grasped it, and viewed into it. Everything within it was placed in precious locations identical to mine. The identification of the individual was even that of mine. That is when realization sunk in. That’s when the breath I had left escaped my mouth, and I began to grieve.

I was the one who caused the accident. I was the one who caused severe injuries to several people… I was the one who died.  