Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26705150-20151015024029/@comment-27012445-20151022043112

In reading the story, there was something that put me off to it that I couldn't put my finger on until I thought about it more. Two things. First, remove the author's note. You are unconsciously setting up the reader with idea that this has been rejected time and time again. They will be uninterested in the plot and more focused on how bad it has to be, never giving it a fair chance. Second, you have the same problem I have in being over descriptive. For example, your first paragraph is simply he was watching TV during a storm hoping for a new case to come his way. I know you were going for the dramatic noir mood, but there needs to be balance or your reader will easily become bored. I hope this helped.