Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27033114-20161024202310/@comment-27033114-20161024211403

EmpyrealInvective wrote: Starting with the basics, you need to properly capitalize proper nouns. "I" should always be capitalized. Additionally there are a lot of spelling and wording errors for such a short story (" They must have been some kind of revolution, and thought us how to communicate with animals.", "so i hide their body to my basement.", "And i continue killng them"). Additionally there are a lot of commas missing where needed here as well as closing punctuation. ("I could move my arms, and if i wanted to kill myself by banging my head to the wall it bounced off.", "And i continue killng them", etc.)

As for the story, it feels really rushed and lacks any real description. Lines like "It was a horror room." and "When it came to school, i attended to a special class" fall really flat without explanation or focus. Descriptor what the beings are, let the audience get into the protagonist's mindset. There really isn't much reason here to read the story since the level of description, character/environment building is incredibly low.

Additionally the ending is very anti-climactic and weak. "i wanted to kill myself by banging my head to the wall it bounced off. But i escaped. And i continue killing them" really doesn't feel like a good climax to the story. In the end, I can see why this story got deleted, besides the numerous mechanical issues, the story is generic (see Flower Eyes and Needle Teeth for a better example of how to do a similar story), rushed, and uninteresting. I would suggest using the workshop for your next story since if it has these many issues it will be deleted again.