Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24759772-20141101183119/@comment-24056975-20141102061601

I hope it doesn't come off as mean if I say that you'll definitly want to spend some time editing after you get the first draft done. There are some obvious punctuation and grammar issues.

At first, I was confused that the top looked closer to a screenplay format but the story was in more traditional prose when Mark woke in the lobby. After the reveal, it made perfect sense and I'd like to see you take this further.

Your screenplay format's a bit off, I can recommend format books if you like but a google search should help. Look up line actions in particular, but also pay attention to how concise the action descriptions are in screenplays.

Giving story feedback on a fragment is difficult, simply because I don't know where it's going or how it ends yet. I like the concept so far, but you should expect heavy editing when you get it nailed down.