Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20190725084302/@comment-9041013-20190804234422

I liked the addition's you've made to the story overtime, Doctor.

The actually detailed prayer sounded real, even though I'm sure no one prays like this; it reminded me of Behemoth songs which ocassionally are made to come off as Satanic prayers with metal music in the background (they use a lot of theology and religious concepts in their music).

Also the description of her sickness as a result of consuming rotten flesh and eventually hunger is gripping and terrible. You might want to add something I've seen a Holocaust survivor mention about the hunger in the ghettos. At some point the body becomes so weak people just fall down unable to get back up again, and everyone around them had to try their best to ignore the fallen ones for fear of suffering the same fate. So you could incorporate that into her final moments, where she just falls and is stuck as her world twists and turns into a diabolical version of her torture chamber.

The second prisoners mannerisms make me view him as a kind of Charles Manson during a manic fit kind of creatures - untidy, wide eyed, smiling inappropriately, moving around oddly and speaking in an incoherent and random manner. So that one was good from the get-go.

I do have to note that once the Hyundai keys and the memories are mentioned, it's pretty clear that she has lost her marbles, as further indicated by the depiction of the toy soldier marching across and talking to her. Whether it was an actual toy or a figment of imagination, it highlights her madness in a really morbidly beautiful way.

Not everything has to be clear to work, and this pretty much does.

I hope you come up with a cheeky title for this story too, it would fit the mood.