Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26416562-20150605200508/@comment-25052433-20150610073549

This is a lot better, and the revisions are working well. I like the fact that you simplified the story by simply having the guy crash in the US, as the Russia aspect wasn't really doing much for the plot.

There are still quite a few grammatical errors, but nothing too major. Just run it through MS Word and it should catch the majority of them.

My biggest problem with the story as it is now are the plot holes that have sort of formed on their own.

For example, there really isn't any location in Arkansas that would require a plane to come to and from work. You should change that from Jeffery needing a plan to Jeffery just driving in, as that makes more sense to me at least.

Also, planes these days really wouldn't be able to crash in the US without someone noticing pretty quickly. Planes must depart and arrive on a schedule at registered air strips. Even private chartered jets are still subject to federal flight laws, so if a plane simply crashed somewhere in Arkansas, someone would know pretty quickly and emergency services would be on the spot in a matter or hours, if the location is remote enough.

In other words, when the plane left one airport, another airport was already expecting it to land at a specific time. If that doesn't happen, questions are asked right away. And since the plane would have crashed along its flight path, it wouldn't be that difficult to find it.

This seems to be creating a difficult plot hole. You may do better to simply work out the entire plane crash, as it doesn't seem to add much to the story anyway.

Also, having your character admit to killing someone at the end would certainly lead to an investigation. Even if the victim were to turn out to be a figment of Todd's imagination, he could still expect a battery of psychological exams to follow.

In closing, this story is shaping up very nice, but I feel like you still have some grammar and plot issues to iron out before I would suggest posting it on the main site.