Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27905100-20161015013136/@comment-25825682-20161015034815

Plot

Well, I first say I don't judge short stories too well and have trouble writing them. I usually feel I have to add more. So, I give credit to short story writers.

Anyway, I'll give an opinion on the story a shot. You are right about tension build. So, I won't say anything on it.

Grammar

As for grammar and sentence structure, my favorite, I'll list them below with critical issues first and others I found. Corrections will be in "[]" and the selected mistake, as well as corrections, are in Bold. Also, my text will be parenthetical.

1). Ah! Halloween! My favourite time of the year! (Although I like the British form, as I was born in Canada, this should fit the consistency of American English and say [favorite]).

As a side note, [Ah! Halloween! My favourite time of the year!]. (Might be okay, but I feel there are a lot of exclamatory symbols in it. One is enough or maybe two).

2). Joyful children dressed in costumes, running around and screaming at the decorations; accepting candy from whomever is willing to hand it out... (It looks like you used the object pronoun in a subjective position. Try [whoever] instead).

3). The way rich and spoiled children show off, and act like they're better, leaving the children with genuinely thought out, and hand made costumes feel like... (Possibly miswritten word, try [handmade]).

4). Oh, yes, the night when all of your frights and worries feel justified, how your child... (This word could be [fears], but it's optional).

5). Of course [,] I've got candy... (Missing comma after introductory phrase).

6). Let's see, I've got the twizzlers, the gummies, and the 'eyeballs'... (Could you mean [Twizzlers] as a proper noun?)

7). and yet, you still can't help but feel a twinge of fear when your 3-year-old, clad in a dragon costume... (Should be capitalized [And]).