Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20170111231730/@comment-30996990-20170112223955

Like your others stories this one is really good. You paint Jeff as an actually character with personality. Not some emotionless killer. Your ideas for Jeff are great and I'd like to see where you go with them. As for contructive critsim, you use a lot of commas, but I do that too so I get it. Also, you put "story" instead of "store" in a sentence that's also a good example for the comma thing.

"The bus stop was in front of a electronic story, with multiple televisions in the window."

"The bus stop was in front of a electronic store with multiple televisions in the window."

Anyway. Nice Job.