Talk:Kagome Kagome/@comment-5784644-20180716164211

This story is impressive for a twelve year old, yes, but it's still delivered fairly poorly. The idea itself is very simple and interesting, and I like the basic concept of the ritual aspect, but the story seems to jump all over the place. The use of different segments felt unnecessary and arbitrary, there were numerous grammatical and spelling errors, and overall it felt amuterish. Something especially bothersome was the narrator's tone constantly dipping in and out of a typically clynical, emotionless retelling of the experiment, to something akin to an actual person telling the story, and with childish language, too. The recounting from the German scientist was equally awkward and strange. And the need to piggyback off of other creepypastas such as the Rake and Gateway of the Mind was irritating. Especially considering they add nothing to the story. The ritual portion itself also felt sloppily constructed, and it went on far too long, as if it was an entirely different pasta. Overall, the concept and general skeleton of the story is interesting, and there are certainly some welldone bits and pieces here and there, but the whole complete piece is way too much of a mess worth recommending. 4/10. Also, the cerebellum is a part of the brain.