Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24675373-20140925213006

Hello, Ive decided as, being an avid reader of creepy pasta, I would take a shot at writing my own. So far Ive got about two chapters and would like some feedback. Please note- Im typing this out in notepad, so there will probably be a bunch of typos that I do plan to fix. I also dont have a name for my story yet, so ideas would be nice too =]

I'll post more as I write it, but for now, heres what Ive got going thus far-

Madison left out a soft sigh of exhaustion as she got out of the car and looked over the manor. She could think of countless other things she'd rather be doing than going over the place, but money was tight and this job paid far too well for her to pass up.

Her job seemed simple enough- spend a month living in the manor cataloguing furniture, heirlooms, documents and the like and tidy the place up a bit. She looked at the looming building in front of her and pouted a bit. "A month might not be enough time..." she said softly to herself as she got her bags out of the trunk and headed inside.

Once inside she looked around, catching herself letting out a small gasp. She was taken in by the dark wood floors, marble columns with gold accents and all the luxirious and ornate looking furniture. She understood now why her client was willing to pay so much to have it taken care of, and why it had to be discreet. Should anyone know about what was locked away inside these walls...it seemed a single looter could make a cool few million on just a few pieces alone.

Once she closed her dropped jaw, Madison grabbed her bags and headed up to the extra room she'd be sleeping in. Before she could unpack she heard someone from the foyer. "Maddy?? You here yet?" the thick, Irish male voice called out. "Yes, I'm here!" she called out, her room not far off from the front foyer on the first floor. She trotted over and smiled warmly at the man that was making this mission of a job worth the effort. "Morning Mr. Fergison." He made a mock sour face and shook his head. "None of that, Junior is fine." he chuckled. Junior Fergison was a self-made billionare, decent looking too now that Madison got a good look at him. Staple Irish gingered hair, very faint freckles, bright emerald eyes...she found she had to keep herself from swooning a bit as he smiled and looked around.

"Breathtaking, isn't it?" he said, gesturing around the building. "I dont think the old lady knew what she had here to have sold it for so cheap. I think some of the artifiacts alone are worth what I paid." She nodded in agreement. "Ive been meaning to ask Mist- Junior. Why did you request for me to categorize everything alone?" He gave her a smile. "Do you recall a few months back an obscure little coin I brought to your company to have appraised?" She nodded. "It was a test. You were the only historian there to know what it really was. No one else came even close, so you are the only historian I trust to properly handle and categorize the treasures inside this manor." "....about the time limit of a month...." she started, feeling a little shy after such praise, not wanting to disappoint him by her uncertainty that a month would be long enough. She went to continue when he cut her off. "If you need to stay longer its fine with me. I want you to be as througough as possible. I'll take care of any additional expenses you might need to get the job done *properly*." She smiled and nodded. "Thank you."

He looked around again, walking the halls, Madison not far behind. "So why was the previous seller so eager to get rid of the manor?" she asked out of curiousity. Junior laughed as he looked over a few paintings that hung up in the hallway. "Claimed there were ghosts or demons running around. She was well in her eitghties, poor thing was probably suffering from dementia." She nodded, accepting that as a fairly probable explination. "She claimed there were secret passages too, passages that lead to hidden ritual rooms where the demons would try to lure her to." he said, adding a little drama to his voice to playfully scare her. "You should probably take that with a grain of salt, but Id appreciate it if you looked anyway. Creases in the walls, fake books on a book shelf and the like." he smiled before continuing his quick walkthrough of the place.

It took the twoand hour to walk through the interior of the manor. Once back in the front foyer he gave Madison a warm smile. "Well, I shouldnt keep you any longer. Just wanted another look of how it all was before its bagged away." "I plan to take pictures of all the rooms before I start sorting and bagging things away." His smile grew to hear that as he reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a business card. My personal cell is listed, call me if you need anything." he said with a dashing smile before leaving her alone in the large manor to swoon a bit.

She stood at the doorway, waving him goodbye as she watched him drive off. Fanning herself off a bit with his business card, she headed back inside, pocketing the card in her wallet for safe keeping. With a deep breath of determination, she marched back to her room and gathered what she'd need to start her work.

Armed with a notebook, tape recorder, digital camera and tablet, she got to work. She moved throughout the manor first, taking various pictures of the rooms and furnitures in their orginal state. This wasnt just for Junior, she felt they could maybe be used one day in a book or catalog of how the house was decorated during its time of occupancy. She eventually noticed the light outside the windows fading, looking down to see she had been snapping pictures for a good deal of ten hours. She looked down at her watch to see it was already six in the evening, surprised hunger hadnt hit her at all. Chalking it up to excitement of all the treasures in the manor, she made a note of what room she left in and headed down to the kitchen to make herself dinner.

Once satisfied, she curled up in her bed, reading over old documents about the manor and its history. Built in 1873, the manor housed a few dozen families in its years. She couldnt help but notice that no one family lived in its walls for more than twelve years. In fact, it seemed the manor would be back on the market for sale almost exactly twelve years to its previous date of purchase. The only exception to this was Phillys Madour, the woman Junior had purchased the manor from. Despite the property being in her name for fifty years she had only taken residence in it for a few months before moving out and into another home in Wales.

Madison sat there, musing over the details. Could Phillys simply have kept the manor as a vacation home for when she fancied a trip to Norway? She read further and found no other information of her ever returning to the manor...or the country for that matter. What bothered her even more still was the dozens of familes that moved after twelve years. She sighed to herself and rubbed her eyes, looking to see it was already 10:48. She set her research aside and set her alarm for an early start the next morning.

-

Madison woke the next morning feeling a little sore. She took in a deep breath as she turned off her alarm and stretched, curious as to why her body seemed to ache. Figuring it was the mattress, she headed for a quick shower and breakfast before finishing off the last few rooms for pictures. She set another alarm as a reminder to take lunch, which went off as she finished her photos of the last room. She set for her photos to transfer to her laptop as she went to make herself a meal.

Her spoon stirred her bowl of soup as she watched the photos transfer before taking a spoonful, silently cursing at how hot it still was. She went back to stirring as the transfer finished. She flipped through them to see if any would need to be retaken, giving them all a quick glance over as she went. She smiled to see reshoots didnt seem to be necessary as she forcused on eating.

After her meal, she collected her things and set out to start the next phase of her job. She headed for the last rooms of the place, wanting to work her way to the front. "Alright, lets get to it." she smiled, walking down into the wine cellar. She was engrossed in her work, stopping only to take a quick glance at how many more bottles and barrels of alcohol she'd have to go through before finishing when she noticed something move out of the corner of her eye. Something small, vaguely humanoid looked as if it was crawling along the path on the otherside of the wall. Her head quickly snapped in its direction, letting out a shaky chuckle to see nothing there. 'Must be the dim lighting playing tricks on me' she thought to herself as she went back to work. She felt even sillier when she continued to turn her head, still catching glimpses of it from the corner of her eyes.

She checked her watch once the cellar was done and saw it was already past 7. She quickly headed up the stairs, happy to be out of the creepy cellar and made her way to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Even in the safety of the first floor she felt shivers as she ate, as if someone was watching her. She berated herself for being so foolish to think she saw something....but the image of what she thought she saw lurking in the corner refused to leave her mind. "Suck it up, youre a professional." she scolded herself before enjoying her meal, deciding to treat herself to a little entertainment as she moved to bed. She catch up on a few episodes of her favorite shows she had missed on her tablet before setting her alarm again for another early morning, then drifted off to sleep.

Something touched her. As she laid there sleeping, something touched her. She felt paralyzed as she felt a hand touch her face, as if examining it, before pulling away. She could hear it scuffle across the room, going through her research, pushing it off the table, then her clothes. She mustered up enough courage to slowly open her eyes and watch as the humaniod creature looked through her things, scattering it about the room. Her eyes went wide as she watched it, its back to her. Long, boney fingers and arms that seemed ready to fall off its misproportioned torso. Her eyes made their way down to its legs, seeing it had four of them, allowing it to skitter around the room like some sort of demented spider. She held her breath an forced her eyes closed as she watched it start to turn towards her, as if sensing she was awake.

Silence. She waited there for what felt like an eternity before allowing her eye to open just a bit, peeking to see what the creature was doing. There it was, right by her bed, its face inches away from hers. It looked like the flesh had started to melt off its skull, its eyes sunken in deep. It had no nose or lips, its teeth exposed, chattering a bit as it started at her. She felt her heart pounding her her chest, ready to burst as she tried to pretend to sleep, watching as it opened its mouth and moved closer to her face. She screamed and shot up in bed, looking around in a start. She was alone and drenched in sweat. Her eyes watered as she saw everything was in its proper place, undisturbed. Trembling, she rested her head in her hands, taking in several deep, shaking breaths. "A nightmare, just a nightmare." she whipsered to herself. She glanced over at the clock. 4:32 am. She sat in bed for a few more minutes, trying to calm herself. Unable to do so, the very air in the room feeling oppressive, she got out of bed and headed for the shower, figuring the warm water would calm her shocked nerves.

A shower and fresh pair of pjs later, she came out of the bathroom, towel drying her hair as she continued to look around the room, confirming it was exactly how she had left it. She had never been so shaken froma  dream before....but it felt so real. She could still feel those boney fingers touch her face. She shivered a bit as she looked around the room one last time, confirming it was just a dream. Her things would have been strewn about if it wasnt, but it was all still nealty in its place. She sighed and climbed back into bed, figuring the nightmare came from the stress of possibly disappointing her client. Unable to fall asleep, she laid in bed with her eyes closed until her alarm went off at 7, waking her for a new day. 