Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-6822927-20190324172709/@comment-6822927-20190325031713

BloodySpghetti wrote: I have to wholeheartedly agree with Ned on this one, it's long and tedious. There isn't much of a grabber here. The plot does remind me of every other bully story gone batshit wrong. Kind of like what would've been of Ed Gein if he didn't make stuff out of his victims and got bullied as a kid.

It's not very appealing to be honest.

Maybe make this story about how he was bullied as a kid, and how his life was awful and it kept building up forever until it snapped and he just killed someone innocent and kept their body out of some sort of twisted guilt and loneliness. That obviously will require a long work, but it could be a breath of fresh air into that bully story prototype.

You can keep it a moral story as well.

And also, stereotypical story bullies are usually good with most adults, thats how they get away from major punishments. So...

P.s instead of using capslock to accentuate anger or strong emotion, use panctuation marks :D That's... that's not even remotely what this story is meant to be about.

At all.

This isn't some story about a kid turning into a serial killer, it's about how hard it is to let go of someone who lost.

Though that's not very clear, actually, now that I think about it.