Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27405097-20151215205700/@comment-25024572-20151216170714

I feel like kind of a dick for saying this, but I kind of laughed. It went from, as folks these days are wont to say, 0-100 real fast.

We go from that falling sensation (which, correct me if I'm wrong, was already covered in a micropasta that said it was a parallel universe you dying) to Satan. And it's not even built up either. Granted, build up is hard to do in a micropasta, especially one this short, but it still seems like you're jumping the gun a bit.

You mention you want it to be psychological than scary. When it comes to psychological stories, I don't think Satan. That seems more like horror than psychology. Maybe if it were from the point of view of some religious nut or something who thinks this is happening when it's really something else, that might work. But as is, it really isn't very psychological.

In my opinion, I think this would work better if it weren't a micropasta, or were at least a longer micropasta. Maybe flesh out the reasons for this a bit, build up to it, make it more subtle, etc. At the moment, it's more funny than scary.

I'm sure this could amount to something, but it'll take a bit of work.

1.5/10 (Not the worst thing, could be good, but needs a lot of work)