Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24906581-20140507161644/@comment-24821182-20140507180310

The reason LOLSKELETONS deleted it was because you uploaded it as a Blog post. You're not supposed to upload your CP as a Blog post. I even left a comment on that post, telling you that Blog posts aren't where you put CPs. I'm glad that you took my advice and brought it here instead.

Anyway, I'll review your pasta.

It's more of a death scene than anything, and while it might be able to survive as its own pasta, it would be much better if you added a buildup. Particularly, it's important you establish a character, as it's hard for people to care for someone they know nothing about. Which childhood memories are the character losing hold of? How did he/she get to the point where loneliness and dread started to consume him/her?

Also - and this is just my personal preference - if you could split the chunk of text into smaller paragraphs, it would be easier to read.

Best regards.