Talk:The Afterlife Can Be an Unusual Place II/@comment-9041013-20181107125049

Yeah, this isn't it... Icy, it's not it at all... Sure it's nicely written and all but man, its full of tropes that kill the potential of this being a truly great story. It's a typical horror oriented "action"-ish plot with supernatural factors.

First of all, the the mention of living body mechanisms was driving me nuts throughout the story, how could use his muscles or have hairs on the back of his head to stand up if he is a spirit type of being in the story? Sure he could get primal feelings as part of being a deceased soul or spirit or whatever, that is acceptable, but for christ's sake, how does he keep feeling his none existant body?

On top of that, his emotional condition is off the mark, way off! A lot of media uses this notion of being a ghost stuck in the "veil" in between the worlds as something that leads the ghosts to become violent and murderous eventually. This completely makes sense in the real world, even if not intended, because the boredom, for a lack of a better term, would dry people insane if they were to be ghosts stuck in the "veil" confined to a small space. Your pratagonist has none of that. Also, he should be traumatized, but he's not. He gets this moment of fear and then shakes it off because he is "the hero". It's a bad bad bad way of characterizing a character. Injustice of all games got over this with Harley Quinn injesting Fear Gas. I guess look it up for future reference.

The notion of Marcus not looking around the house for whatever, or just messing around with stuff in the house for the sake of easing the boredom on his mind is mind boggling as well. It's like he had to find the mask after seeing the video for the sake of the plot...

There's a timeloop thing in there too, or I've misunderstood something. EJ comes from a reality created by the way Marcus lived is "intended" afterlife. So in order to avoid said reality, he went back in time, or between worlds and killed Marcus to get him to "fix" something that is out of his control really? ugh... a lot of plot points for the sake of the plot to work, it comes a tad lazy to me.

Also, my guess is Marcus is going to be VERY fine with EJ in the later installements relatively to being murdered by the man, which is again, not good characterization.

Some phrases need to fixed as well, like "revenge on" not "revenge for" and something about, "I've seen things worse than I could ever imagine" where I suppose it's something you meant to phrase differently or to say EJ was talking to Marcus about Marcus' ability to imagine said stuff.

Overall... it's a nope from me.