Talk:The Red Water Slide/@comment-5733573-20181008210423

This story has so many problems. The first and most glaring is that it's not scary at all. The second is that it's completely unbelievable. Why would the lights be on? Why would the water be running? There is no way they would be able to miss a sign like that and that is definitely not what the sign would say if an adult wrote it. Not that any of it matters, because the end of the story renders everything that came before it pointless. None of the details go anywhere. Then, it all concludes with one of the biggest mistakes a writer can make which is the death of the narrator. How are we hearing the story then?

The whole story feels very amateurish. It sounds more like a report of what some kid did over his somer vacation, especially where more sentences begin with "we" than not. I hope you'll take your next story to the Writer's Workshop in the forums. There, you'll get a lot of helpful criticism and advice on improving your story before posting it to the wiki.