Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28088262-20140703164027/@comment-25558572-20140704011917

This was a premise that was both interesting and original- two crucial elements for a good creepypasta. It was grotesque near the end, but because that was justified, it only added to the fear.

The writing style used here is good. I didn't find any errors (although a good proofreading will confirm that for sure) and the level of description is good. My only real question here is whether or not the first few paragraphs are necessary; there is not as much 'action', per se, as I would like in this story, but that's more opinion than objective. I like the third-person perspective as well; it's becoming something of a rarity on this site, sadly.

While you could shorten this a bit and perhaps add some more details near the end about what happens, I would say that this an original and engaging pasta.