Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24859608-20140612173104/@comment-9967354-20140617151851

Pick a tense to write your story in. Stick to it unless you're putting down facts that are still facts.

I can't say anything about the story just yet as it is unfinished, but I think it's okay that you get to the point right away. The rest of the plot seems a bit rushed. There's a chance you've done this purposely, and I can't say until I've read it all. I don't think much of the story, but that could be an illusion caused by the bad grammar. I suggest you fix that before writing the rest.