Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44987001-20200205043454/@comment-5101683-20200205070118

The story's layout isn't very good. When there is dialogue, it's difficult to tell who is talking.

Most of the story is okay. The main problem is that the ending comes too quick, and once the reader reaches the final paragraph, the wording becomes vague and rushed. You wrote " I told more and he screamed more and more", but it would have been better to write what exactly was "told".

In addition, the magician vanishing is really odd. But you can make it work if you leave it at the end. If you build up the suspense and make us think the main character is going to get hurt or killed, the magician just vanishing would be a weird plot twist that no one would expect.

Also, I feel like you could mention how many people are there in the beginning. That would be helpful.

If you send a link to the Google Doc, I can edit the sentences so they are grammatically correct.

On the other hand, it is very obvious that you are trying. This is one of those stories that looks worse than it actually is, because of the formatting. The ending is very smushed, but if you make the ending better, and probably add more to the beginning, like explaining how many friends are there, I think that this could be on the wiki.