Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26416562-20150605200508/@comment-25170312-20150606183708

Here's some more grammatical errors, per your request! XD

1. "Like alot of people that had played football" - you don't need the "had" here. You use it too much in the beginning.

2. "I had taken some pretty heavy hits" - could be changed to "I took some pretty heavy hits" to reduce usage of "had".

3. "I only tell you this to let you know I have brain damage issues, as that will become important later on." - we don't need to know what will be important later on, we'll find out for ourselves. I would remove this sentence entirely.

4. "as my next concussion may result in me having amnesia." - you don't need "me having" here.

5. "I took a new job of the field of geography" - should be "in the field"

6. "I had a job to go to The woods" - you accidentally capitalized "The", and you might want to use a synonym for "job" since you just used it so recently.

7. "The plane was going down fast towards the lake below us.." - you accidentally put 2 periods at the end of this sentence.

8. "The plane hit the water" / "When we hit the water" - change the wording of one of these because "hit the water" twice in such close proximity is redundant.

9. Something else that's non-grammar related, I agree with MysteyMan49 that you should remove the part about having a waterproof bag and writing in a journal. We don't need to know how you were able to tell us the story. Some people harp on that, but it really isn't necessary. It feels forced. I get that you're trying to fill a plot hole regarding amnesia, but that's not a good way to go about it.

10. "As I surfaced, I looked around..." This whole paragraph goes back and forth between past and present tense. Change all present tense to past. (like "lose" to "lost", "begin" to "began", "swim" to "swam", etc.)

11. In that same paragraph, I'm not sure what you mean by "anxiety loses me" (which should read "anxiety lost me"). Maybe clarify that thought.

12. "and I sent inside" - "sent" should be "went"

13. Tense issues continue after that paragraph. Make sure everything is in past tense.

14. "That morning, I though I heard loud banging" - change "though" to "thought"

15. "...moments of peace was during" - "was" should be "were"

16. "For a the days" - not sure what this is supposed to be.