Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24766402-20140505163615/@comment-24859608-20140505164411

I skimmed through it, then re-read it. It is pretty good, but you kind of got a little carried away with your writing, all the scary stuff happening at once, and all the paranoia feelings, emerged to one thing. You also need to do a better job with hanging the reader at the end.

Other than that, it's well written.