Talk:In the Circle/@comment-25189687-20140721234418

Okay, first off, fantastic story. I really liked the hint of reality that was displayed which gives creepypasta's there power of fear. The story had me gripped too by the sheer desire to know, and you kept me guessing which was fantastic.

You did ask for criticism and so I offer a few points:

- The candy was over-explained. I think you could have omitted the author "knowing somehow that it was important what to pick". Apart from being a touch cliche, I feel the moment would have been more powerful if the reader was more in the dark. If he suddenly felt compelled to eat, along with the others, but didn't know why. If after the realization of what had happened there was more of a reaction. I get that you are aiming at supernatural hypnosis of some kind so it's not technically a "fault", but personally that's how I would have written it.

- Missed opportunity. The man with cancer. He was saved something worse, and maybe a sentence referencing that one standout after-the-fact would have made it seem more connected. Chekov's Gun and all. Or perhaps he somehow knew about the potential for immortality that the viewing gave him (was that what you were going for?)

-Missed opportunity #2 - Immortality. So what happens to those who are "lucky" enough to never get picked? Dawson himself? Still, most of the horror comes from not knowing, so maybe leaving it the way you have it is actually better.

Other than that, there was no real things that stoof out to me, and the above points are really just my interpretation. No grammatical or spelling errors popped out at me either, it all seemed very well edited.

All in all, excellent piece of work. It was a joy to read.