Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26924905-20141210000607/@comment-24510644-20141213212911

I have a few things.

-Review a few more times for grammar and/or spelling

-Don't censor swear words. It's awkward.

-Bailey's reactions to the many events happening sequentially are super unrealistic. For example, wouldn't she ''call the police? ''And, if she's around 9/10, why would she be walking to the supermarket alone?

-The whole torture thing is super cliche, and is used on ll sorts of pastas that frequently get deleted. It's also definitely not gory enough for the 'weak of heart' warning.

Also, as Mr.Insaniac said, '''slow it down. '''A story like this needs to be much longer to get the reader into it., as well as to disturb or scare them.