Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180922022507/@comment-9041013-20180922104327

Thanks for the news report.

Now can we have a story? Like with how people who were getting smashed felt, how the narrator REALLY felt and reacted to the whole thing? Have him look around a bit, describe his fears and worries becoming a reality. Crush him with negative emotions and painful sights.

A good moment would be for the main character to meet someone who is gravely wounded crawling, or just laying there begging for help. Just think about it for a second, you expirience an earthquake or something, run out of your house once everything is fine and then you see someone laying, lower half crushed under a tree or a chunk of building... just think about how that would make you feel and transcribe it into the story.

This story would be better if it were from a perspective of an All Knowing Narrator, that way you could focus on a main character who witnesses the event and other characters who end up being hurt by it.

Also, the accident should be given a clearer description. Describe every sight, every turn, and every last flip the locomotives take as the train flies off the tracks. Describe vividly as it crushes into buildings trempling them like houses of cards or tearing through them like paper.

Make me care about this whole thing.