Template:Adminpick/March 2017

(Note: This story is the winner of Derpy and Diex's Dark Humour Contest. The other entries can be found at that link.)

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster… oh wait, that’s Goodfellas, let’s try this again. As far back as I can remember, I always wanted a good-looking girlfriend and to be sort of popular. Yeah, that sounds more like it. How’s everyone doing? My name is Cameron Dunn, and this is my story. Who am I speaking to? Who even knows, as my pursuit for love currently has me locked up in a cage. Yep, Cameron is caged, or so it seems. Who threw me in here, and why am I currently pacing the walls… heck, how am I even writing this? Well, some answers will be revealed, I promise.

A bit about me to start off, I guess. I was lonely. Hell, I was so lonely that the closest thing I ever had to a girlfriend came from my affinity to Julia Walker; she was the zombie girl from Return of the Living Dead 3, in case you didn’t know. She was played by Melinda Clarke, and let me tell you, she made me fall in love in an hour and a half. That should sum me up a bit. I was the guy that fell in love with movie characters and would then doze off as I fantasized about fictional lives together with people that didn’t even exist. Oh Julie, I would have loved you, zombie or not. My best friend is a guy named Ike Ruddock. He was a lot like me, in the lonely department. We’d sit up for hours on the phone chatting about the lives that we wished we had. We’re both 16 you see; guess I should have mentioned that earlier. Our long nightly ramblings would generally consist of such gems as, ‘I wish we had girlfriends,’ or, ‘This is how life would be if we had girlfriends.’ Okay, not trying to sound too much like a copy of Kenny Leonard here. Trust me, we had our own issues, and not all of them were based around our crippling lack of physical contact from the opposite sex. (Read more...)