Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26466555-20150607220808/@comment-25941663-20150610191145

I'm sorry, but this wasn't good. Grammar wise it was alright, and the wording was OK too. But the plot just isn't cutting it. It goes way too fast to have any impact on the reader. The idea behind this isn't that bad, if the story was longer with more happening and character development, this could be good.

I'm not sure you can do much to improve this. It needs a complete rewrite, but I don't think it's worth it. Maybe you should move on, more experienced than before. Good luck and keep it up. You certainly have talent, but you need more practise.