Talk:The Eyes/@comment-25052433-20140828212305

I walked through a haunted school on my way home once. A ghost teacher came out and gave me homework, the assignment....to write this review!

What went right:

-Tone, tempo, atmosphere, description, plot were all here, all in the right place, and all presented well to the reader.

-The fear factor was high on this one. Excellent use of plot device, having hanging dead kids howl. Had the kids started crying, screaming or shouting, that would have been predictable and less frightening. However, the idea to have them react in such an unnatural way, truly added a unique touch of terror here that went well. Excellent job.

-The ending. You did well on the common sense scale here. The kid went home and called the cops, because, that is what a normal, well written, believable character would do. Thank you.

What deserves a ghostly detention:

-One of the biggest clichés that I see on pastas happened here. It is the whole "my brain was telling me to stop, but I just kept on going" concept. It's a terrible concept, because most readers are looking for a relatable character. In other words, give me a character that would basically do what I would do in that situation. Most of us, no matter how bold we may think we are, tend to listen to that little voice in our heads, that voice that screams "WARNING, WARNING...YOU ARAE DOING SOMETHING STUPID!" The best way to write around this, is to put your character in a group, or at least with a good friend. Alone, most of us are fairly intelligent and listen to our better judgment. However, put people in a group, and it's as though our brains just melt right out of our heads.

-On the back end of that though, if you want your characters to do unnatural things for the sake of plot, it's very easy to write that it as well. If you want your character to be brave enough to face down a haunted school while being texted letters, just write him that way. "He is brave, always looking for a personal challenge." Something like that. If you write him a brave dare devil, then that is what the reader will accept. If you write him as an average kid, as you did, the reader will accept average, and be put off when the character behaves otherwise.

-Finally, the XD concept never seemed explained. What did it mean, and how did it tie in to this story?

Other than that, this was a really good story and a fun read. Excellent work.