Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29419724-20170512020824/@comment-24101790-20170512023245

There's a copy of your story, that being said, it fails to meet the bare minimum quality standards of this site. There are numerous capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues here that result in a story that's not up to our standards.

Capitalization: You fail to properly capitalize a lot of proper nouns and dialogue. "his brother jackson (Jackson) was still awake", "and michael (Michael) busted the door and said", "to his brother "you (You) are a disgrace to this family you ugly peice of shit." and then stabbed him 7 time's.After", "that michael (Michael) ran out of the window breaking it and ever since then he has been a mass killer.", etc.

A lot of your sentences are missing basic spacing after punctuation: ""Is someone there?".I saw a boy or teenager or man he ran after me with a boeing knife i tryed throwing the hammer's and other thing's but it didn't hurt him at all.He grabbed me by the neck and stabbed the boeing knife into my arm and then he kicked me.I passed out and i woke up i never saw him again."

Typos: "then he herd (heard) a voice", "it wasn't (wasn't) like a normal voice it was a deep demon-ish voice it said", "as he wen't (sic) to the kitchen he saw a boeing knife", "he picked it up and it was shiny he tried (sic) to do some cool move's", etc.

Awkward wording: "I try to rise to sitting, but I feel weak and exhausted only by moving my arms.", "I ask. "Is someone there?".I saw a boy or teenager or man", "The party. Michael had his shirt on and pant's he was sitting alone and drinking pepsi then after he wen't out of the building he saw this dark alley he never seen before he thought he should go down there to see what is going on.". etc. If English isn't your first language then I would recommend finding a friend who is fluent in the language to help you out.

Punctuation: A majority of your story is missing proper punctuation or uses punctuation improperly. "he ran after me with a boeing knife(,/.) i tryed throwing the hammer's (no apostrophe needed) and other thing's (no apostrophe needed) but it didn't hurt him at all.", "The party. Michael had his shirt on and pant's (pants,) he was sitting alone and drinking pepsi then after he wen't (went) out of the building he saw this dark alley he never seen before he thought he should go down there to see what is going on.", etc.

There are other issues present in the story, but the pot problems are a major contributor to the story's deletion. So much so, that even after editing the story, the plot issues still resulted in the story's deletion.

The transformation to a killer feels extremely forced, shoe-horned in, and awkward: "Then these 3 people aim gun's and shoot him in the head an hour wen't by he woke up with a creepy long smile and black eye's and red in the center of them he forgot he had his boeing knife in his pocket." There's little reason to be involved in this character as he does little before this point and afterwards he just murders a couple of people without really setting a reason or point to their actions.

Dialogue needs to be properly spaced out so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. ".Michael went to the bus stop he saw a new student just sitting there reading a book "Hello?" Michael said "Who are you?" "I'm new here my name is Rubin" "My name is Michael.."" This is almost universal in literature to prevent misattribution and to improve the flow of a story.

Story issues: The story is incredibly rushed and there's little reason for the audience to be invested in the protagonist. There's little reason to feel bad for them or to sympathize with them. In an OC story, this is not a good sign. I'm sorry but there isn't a lot of good things to say about this story. It follows a lot of the basic OC/CPC tropes and is riddled with mechanical issues. I really don't see this story being salvaged without a full re-write and requesting revision multiple times to fix the numerous plot and mechanical issues.