Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32200119-20170621140750/@comment-24101790-20170621151823

Starting with the basics, those white box errors come from trying to indent paragraphs. While indenting is important in literature; in a wiki format, it doesn't work and can obscure text so it's important to remove those spaces in front of the paragraphs.

Punctuation: You tend to use punctuation in dialogue incorrectly. "We'll get a fresh start in this new neighborhood. It's healthy to move on from the past,(should be a period as it's concluding a sentence)", "I worry about you Harper. You haven't been the same since- the fire,(.)", ""Isn't it great? It's so historical, takes my very breath away." She (she) said proudly", ""I already had it checked. Stop worrying about me, Harper. We'll be just fine." Mrs. McKarthie said", ""Oh. Hello, Harper!, (space not needed and you should either use an exclamation point or a comma, which will affect the capitalization of the dialogue continuation)"", etc.

Spelling/wording: "Harper knew what she really ment (meant)", ""For you, but what if there's (there're, as pests is plural) pests?", "Are you (sure) this place is safe?" Harper asked confusedly. (also, I think you meant questioningly as you're really not conveying a sense of confusion contextually here)". I would suggest reading the story aloud as you go to correct any instances of awkward wording or missing words.

Story issues: "His mother, Laurana, was squinting her amber eyes and leaning into the steering wheel ever so slightly, trying to make her way through the natural disaster" You might want to be a bit more aggressive in description as this: "Harper McKarthie stared out the car windshield, watching droplets of rain hitting up against the glass, and slowly streaking down." doesn't really convey a natural disaster ("a natural event such as a flood, earthquake, or hurricane that causes great damage or loss of life."). I don't think the phrase natural disaster should be used as if this is one, like a flood, the characters are being surprisingly cavalier about walking around outside and setting up their house.

Conclusion: That's about as far as I can go with the story as it is as there isn't a lot of plot progression here. I can say that looking at the synopsis you included, that it's going to be a bit of a challenge to make the idea work effectively (a flute whose song can make people go insane). I'm also going to say that you should be a bit careful with plot points like: "Later on he begins playing the song to attract children only for his enjoyment to watch them get eaten alive by his dozens of rats." as rats aren't necessarily the most physically imposing animal and you're getting a bit into the plot of Willard here. Best of luck with your writing.