Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24038243-20150505133926/@comment-24038243-20150518152108

Whitix wrote:

LordMReaper wrote: How's this There's still not much story here. The problem is still the same; the monster is the centerpiece of the pasta, which should never be the case. Mr. Dupin actually just wrote a blog about this; I'd give it a read.

Your story is still one big description, and while it has improved some, you can't expect people to be scared by a description. You need to show us what this monster does, rather than straight up telling us. Expansion is needed here as well, because this length is far too short for a non-micropasta. There needs to be plot here.

"I have made a picture to show more detail because I cannot describe it in words:" I'm sorry, but this is lazy writing. You need to be able to describe this thing with words, as a picture just will not suffice.

I'd recommend giving up on this project and moving on to better writing projects, as the design process here is fairly backwards. You need to design a story first and then design a monster to go with it, not the other way around. If you wish to continue working on the story, you need to expand on this a great deal more.

well that was intended, I wasn't going for a story, it was just something short to make it look like the writer was running out of time, and no, i am not ending this project, my stories have been getting deleted left and right, now is my chance to do something worth a damn