Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25477067-20150203231831/@comment-26007602-20150204015253

I'm curious what the first reviews were, as I see some glaring issues here.

First off, you need to space out your paragraphs. One space in between each. The font too needs to be changed to the normal, default one you used at the very beginning. There are also some minor grammatical errors throughout, nothing running it through word couldn't fix.

The main issue is that this story revolves around a haunted file; a blacklisted subject. While the story isn't entirely based on it, the cliches associated with haunted files are still present. The file constantly reappearing, refusing to be deleted, distorted/strange text, the use of binary (which the protagonist inexplicably translates), etc. I can't think of a way around this issue; an entire rewrite or complete dismissal of the story is needed.

The other major issue I found was that this doesn't read like an audio tape at all. The narrator is obviously telling a story, not recording his last thoughts as a monster is chasing him (which is another cliche in itself). The story seems rather ridiculous when you think of it like that; he's not going to describe himself ("I'm an average guy livings a normal life" is not something you start your last words with) I recommend either simply scrapping the audio tapes or rewriting them completely to better act as audio tapes.

I also worry that this whole story is a loose set of events barely held together by this code. There's just no real rhyme or reason as to why these things happen; mystery is good, but I think you could elaborate or hint a bit more at what's going on.

Maybe this is just me, but I didn't find anything particularly creepy about this story. Maybe that's subjective, but I don't really like how this evil ooze comes out of no where to kill the protagonist. There's little build up and it seems like you thought the story suddenly needed a monster.

I don't mean to sound too harsh, I just prefer to be straightforward in these reviews. I don't currently know how you could rewrite this to subvert the numerous cliches and blacklisted subject matter. But I know (judging by your name) that you're not ready to scrap the story entirely. Hope you can find a way around the issues!