Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31073921-20170201142604/@comment-31111342-20170201160546

ThisIsLucid wrote: YawningLion wrote: Not bad, but a few things

1) this really isn't about the story itself, but you seem to keep pumping story after story out into the Writer's Workshop instead of focusing on one and editing it to perfection. What about "My Brother"?

2) If the walls are all speakers, wouldn't the noise affect everyone, everytime someone makes a sound? If there's a reason why this doesn't happen, you should explain it a bit more.

3) Did you mean to tense swap at the end?

4) So all the walls are speakers, but there's also a "pane" to see the guy next to the narrator? 1) Yeah I write stories quickly and post them here. My brother was an old story I made a while back and wanted to see what the workshop thought of it.

2) No, the noice only affects the room, almost with sound proof glas on the outside. Also that sorta is for the reader to guess.

3) What? Come again.

4) Sort of, I guess. Again use your imagination. 1. Alright, I get it.

2. The glass is clearly not soundproof. The narrator not only heard the man say "where am I" but he also heard him screaming, heard a bump, and knew the sound was increasing in octave (which I suppose is one thing that can be inferred from watching the guy, but if the narrator can hear a bump, a scream and the question he'd ask, he'd have certainly heard the speakers. Maybe not at the exact octave, but loud enough.

3. It's a serious question. The tense swap threw me off and it doesn't make much sense.

4. I am, but it helps when the setting is described well enough to paint an image that makes sense.