Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24248644-20170104155637/@comment-27905100-20170106054613

Okay, just got back from stuff, so I'm gonna give you the gist of my review (I'll leave out the mechanical things)

Story: Your plotline's okay. It's original, but you go through all the trouble of building it up and then... nothing happens. It's also a strange way to build up tension, but then again, this is a site with the story 'Cross Section of a Living Man'.

Misc. Issues: This is where I get hung up about your story. Your story has no real characters or events happening. This is okay in ritual pastas, but here is not a good spot to have that. Another thing is imagery. What is imagery, you ask? It's what you think of when you read a story. Anyway, your story has little to none of it, and I myself think it really should have some. Right now this feels more like reading a plot summary than a story, and I would not like to spend my time reading that, but rather a well-put-together, detailed story. A complete rewrite isn't necessary, but I'd recommend rewriting many parts to make sure that they're detailed, and 'transport' the reader into your world, because currently, the dry and bland language coupled with the rushed pace and lack of detail don't mix very well.

Sorry if that was harsh, just needed to get my thoughts through here. Please, if that was, I'm sorry. I want to see this up on the site, and this was the best way I could help. Good luck with this.