Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26112985-20151128235749/@comment-25052433-20151129224922

Well, as I said before, I liked the original version, and I also like this one as well. Honestly, you did a great job with maintaining a lot of the feel from the first version, so, with that said, I was pleased that this one stayed close to the first formula.

What I love so much about this one is that it reminds me many ways of my start out in writing. Back before I got into writing about cults and demons, my big drive was old myseterious homes with bad intentions kept within. Games like Maniac Mansion on the NES, as well as movies like The People Under the Stairs, really got my motor running with writing. As a kid, I actually wrote a lot of short stories about such matters.

This story here captures both of those old elements that I really miss, and may have very well inspired my next stand alone, as I might tap back into those old ideas. I found the over all imagery within this one, and the orignal, to be gripping. Isolation is a scary thing, and being out in the middle of no-where in a big house is a very simple, yet effective horror concept.

Bring in the creepy clue that is found in the closet, and of course, the final outcome, and it creates a great atmosphere that feels both terrifying and realistic. People do go nuts with the loss of children and do some crazy things after all.

You did a fine job with this story, and I am glad that this remake wasn't a re-write. I think you cleaned up some of the technical issues, which is what I guess people were complaining about. If any advice were to be given, I would say add more to this. Expand your transitions and character interactions to give the cousins a bit more life perhaps, but other than that, it's a good pasta to me.

Excellent work, and keep on writing, you are very talented.