Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25220801-20140807120433/@comment-9967354-20140807140432

This format is simply a terrible choice for a story like this. I'm sorry; I don't see it working. I'll list just why:

1. For one, screenplays are normally written in a certain format, and this isn't it. But I suppose wikia won't allow another font or centred lines -the descriptions should be centred and the font should be 10 point, 12 face Courier- without a bunch of format errors. Even so, do keep this in mind the next time you write a screenplay.

2. The description is just too huge. Just get to the point. Screenplays are more about dialogues and characters and how the writer can pull these off. I rolled my eyes at the description you've put down. Most of that is unneeded. Including the bit where Donna is clinging to Charlie. That's a bunch of crap we do not need. Why don't you try and bring out your character's personality through their dialogues?

3. The lines are badly written. I don't see a believable human speech pattern in any of them. Also, the characters are stereotypical and I, as a reader, find them shallow. Their dialogues just occur as redundant to the plot itself. I don't care what they have to say; I have judged them and hated them

4. I did not get the last bit.

5. The story itself is cliche. I'd suggest not putting this up on the wiki until you make some major changes.