Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25919746-20141225185039/@comment-24101790-20141225193031

You've begun using punctuation, but it is still incorrect. "It all started, one sunny afternoon in August,(.) I just moved into my first home, away from the family home,(.) I was unpacking my boxes when I first felt a shiver, the room went cold but no one was there,(.) I felt very uneasy like someone was watching me." (without the periods, that is a massive run on sentence.) Those are prevalent in a lot of your sentences.

"I woke with a startle, (I) knew it was watching me,(.) as (As) I rubbed my eyes it was standing over me,(.) I could smell its rotten breath, saliva dripping onto me, its teeth (were) yellow, jagged and sharp. It was just staring at me, (with) small black eyes (and) no nose."

Then there's the ending: "I screamed and he stuck a knife into my chest and for the first time opened his mouth and said (use commas and removed a few of those "and"s as they are redundant. Additionally remove the ellipses.,)… (""All good things must come to an end. While all bad things are here to say.(")"

A plot point issue. I would avoid first person stories told in past tense that end with the protagonist dying. It raises a lot of questions and is problematic. As it currently stands, this story needs some work and really isn't up to quality standards for a large amount of punctuation, wording, and plot issues.