Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31073921-20170204180253/@comment-24101790-20170205201306

First and foremost, it's not a creepypasta. There is no attempt to build a sense of horror, tension, or terror here in any way. Even if we ignore that there is very little that happens here to portray the scene in a creepy/horror-based light. Even more worrisome, this isn't even really that much of a story. This is a single scene for a story with no conflict/resolution/purpose to its telling. It is the protagonist remembering how he came to be (inexplicably). There isn't a lot of content here and even if there is some hidden meaning that isn't being mentioned, there are a lot of plot holes. Ignoring how the protagonist knows these things (hint: drawing attention to that fact and leaving it hanging is not a good strategy. "I do not know how I know this, but I do know that night I was birthed into this world, and I have not since found my father, my mother’s grave..."), there are still a massive amount of plot holes here for the story being only a few paragraphs.

Story issues: First off, why wouldn't the bystander try to get some help? It's late, but they are in the middle of a town/city with a lot of people around. It seems really implausible that he would be able to identify the issue (with no medical experience) and concede to cutting the baby out of the mother. He instantly jumps to the conclusion that both can't be saved and opts to perform an emergency c-section on the mother without attempting any other option.

Story issues cont.: "When the police arrived, they found the woman dead, and gave a small investigation, giving up quickly." No. Police wouldn't just come across a woman who was cut open and leave it closed when there is the 911 call, the baby turned in at an orphanage, and other easily traceable facts. (There are multiple cases that are still open involving missing/unidentified people) Even if they could find no evidence or witnesses (remember he cuts her open in the middle of a city, she's likely not going to be quiet about it), they would still be trying to solve the woman's death and interviewing people which would tie back to the fact that on the same night she died, a bloody newborn baby randomly showed up at an orphanage (which for some reason they didn't report to the police/emergency services either).

Story issues: "I do not know how I know this, but I do know that night I was birthed into this world" Addressing a plot hole doesn't make it go away. How would they know all this? Moreno, if they have such vivid memories of their mother, the bystander, and the father (somehow gleaned while in utero), why exactly have they been unable to locate any of them? The fetus is able to describe the weather, time, and general ambiance of the town, how exactly is this being overlooked?

Finally, what is the overall point here. This feels more like a character introduction for the audience to get the general idea for who the character is so they can understand how they will interact with the scenario/premise later. This has no scene afterwards, it doesn't even really try to give reason for the story and assign a meaning for the audience. I'm sorry, but this does not work on a lot of levels. I'm going to give this piece of advice to you one more time, take your time with your stories as the next one I delete (for example, the one that you have currently posted there which Derpy has given the same advice about) will not have as detailed a response as this just seems to be repetition of the same issues no with little effort being put in to make the story work