Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32621845-20171220000041/@comment-24101790-20180107135209

There are quite a lot of mechanical and plot issues here that need working on.

Capitalization: You don't capitalize a lot of your sentences properly. "the sun had set, the flower bloomed I could hear screech and howls of creatures smelling me, picked up the flower and ran like hell, I heard them chasing me, I even heard a human voice over all the monstrous screech and calls", " "at first it was just a regular wound but after 3 days I noticed I started having the same nightmare", "by the end of the week I heard this a wolf howling every night just before I sleep", etc.

Punctuation: You tend to forget to punctuate sentences and at times use improper punctuation. "I know the red wolf is close now, I can hear its howls louder and my leg is in pain,(.)", "“What do you want me to bring” I muttered(.)", "“The blue flower that grows there at night, you can’t miss it but I don’t have to tell you have dangerous that is, I will be back in a week” and so he left(.)", etc.

Punctuation cont.: You also don't properly use punctuation in dialogue. "“The blood forest” he said almost inaudibly “there is no other way, I suggest you find a mercenary quickly(.)”", " calls(comma/colon missing) “over here! It’s safe here(./!)”", “The blue flower that grows there at night, you can’t miss it but I don’t have to tell you have dangerous that is, I will be back in a week(.)”, etc.

Run-on sentences: "the sun had set, the flower bloomed I could hear screech and howls of creatures smelling me, picked up the flower and ran like hell, I heard them chasing me, I even heard a human voice over all the monstrous screech and calls “over here! It’s safe here”, I kept running I was almost out but my leg was cut in one of these thorny branches, I held my self from screaming but I was in pain, at that time I didn’t even think about what just happened, I just ran, I-I should’ve known I should’ve stopped the bleeding as soon as I could but I didn’t."

Run-on sentences cont.: "at first it was just a regular wound but after 3 days I noticed I started having the same nightmare, I was in the forest again, it was at night and it was dead quiet, I saw for a moment flash of something red moving really fast, it was heading towards me, I started running it leaped on my and I woke up, I always woke up with scratch marks on my back or torso depending nowhere the thing landed and the wound were always open, I was hiding this from you all, remember all the bandages I asked for father Rodrick?", etc.

Tense swapping: You're writing the story in past tense so make sure you keep it uniform throughout. "the sun had set, the flower bloomed I could hear screech and howls of creatures smelling me, picked up the flower and ran like hell, I heard them chasing me, I even heard a human voice over all the monstrous screech and calls"

There are other issues present here, but I'm going to focus on the plot instead so you can review this a bit yourself and catch some of your errors and improve them. The biggest issue is the generic plot. The "I don't have much time" style has been used quite a bit (so much so that it's on the cliche page) and this version really doesn't work effectively here. For example: "I see…. I see scratch marks on my room, I sit here writing this waiting for my, well my death but I don’t want you all to be left with questions I will tell you everything from the beginning as sort of a “will”" really doesn't further the plot and just gives away your ending.

The ending also feels rushed. "That night the small town heard a terrifying screech for only a moment proceeded by something tearing apart(.) they all ignored it understanding the situation quickly,(.) at morning the (they) entered the farmer’s house to discover a body devoted (devoid, also devoid feels out of place here) of blood, and a huge opening on the stomach to the mouth (not sure what you're implying here), the (they) buried they (the) body not speaking a word about it again"

I'm sorry, but as it currently stands, this is going to need quite a lot of re-working and re-writting to bring this up to quality standards.