Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26519812-20150622015543/@comment-26525489-20150623230405

I think the concept of sanity vs. insanity is something you can develop here as well. Is he completely sane man facing these monsters? Is he an insane man who has fallen in with the wrong crowd? You needn't say directly which is true, but it's certainly a question the readers will be asking. Maybe you can paint a better picture by giving us a few instances of his interaction with society. For example, has he talked to anyone outside of the chat room about this, or is he afraid they won't understand? Or is he afraid they're one of the monsters he may be fighting? Why is he so eager to believe The Commanded? Did something earlier in his life prompt this? The motivation of the main character seems to be a little one dimensional.

Also, your climax is short, which is fine. The length can very easily add to or detract from the gravity of it and is completely your decision as an author. My advice is to make sure that, if it's going to be short, every word you use carries the weight it needs to. Look at your descriptors and the picture you're painting and make sure it captures the moment in the way you want. If you want to take more time describing the scene at the party or the people being shot or even the monster, as was mentioned earlier, it can make your impact greater. If ambiguity is your goal, make that seem intentional as well. Currently it seems like more of an accident than a conscious choice.

Honestly, what I said may seem harsh, but it was very nitpicky. That was because a majority of the story didn't need too much work. I actually really enjoyed the plot and I think you've got the basis for a pretty good story here!