Talk:The Quarantine/@comment-25567883-20141102193135

Incredibly written. The pacing is wonderful, brisk, engaging, never boring. Your technical skills are leagues above what I’m used to here. You have a real talent for characters, be they bit-parts or major-players (my favorite was actually the teacher; sad she died so soon). I just want to point out two problems I have, which are exceptions to my overall positive feelings.

My main criticism is with the ‘deprivation’ of the characters, or rather, how it happens, namely: Andrew. I find Andrew annoying as hell, and his total cartoonish assholishness sometimes takes me out of the story. This is supposed to be a story about an ordinary group of people going crazy and killing each other. But Andrew is not ordinary. He’s borderline psychopathic. Most of the tragedy comes across less as ‘man being a beast to man in dire circumstances’ and more ‘Andrew being a violent ass and dragging everyone’s spirits down in an already shitty situation’. I have a sinking suspicion Andrew would have killed someone later in life, regardless of the quarantine.

I also feel Patrick’s murder is contrived. The group, up to that point, seemed fairly level-headed. Then one word of ‘coughs are a sign of death’ and they’re willing to maul their classmate? It felt out of place. For one, how would they know killing him would solve the issue (maybe so much as touching him would infect them?) I’d imagine them running away from Patrick more than anything. A more realistic outcome to the situation would be what Jonas suggested, exiling him.

These are just two problems in an otherwise great story. The characters were interesting, the writing--again--was excellent, and it managed to be horrifying without sacrificing drama.

I will definitely check out your other stories!