Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28266772-20160812170723/@comment-25569708-20160827172723

I see, I just hate to promise a review and not follow through for whatever reason, especially on you since you're so freakishly active in your reviewing of other people's stories. And self-flagellating for fun? Please, I'm too much of a stupid rotting shitbag to figure out how to do that. Erm, wait a minute...

But yeah anyways, here are some errors for this piece here:

"they were great at(I really feel there should be a comma here) David had discovered"

"It had come and gone with unfathomably (did you mean "unfathomable"?) vigour"

"swung open with a loud creek" (incorrect word, a high-pitched squeaking sound is a "creak", a "creek" is a place where I want to drown myself [Points for self-flagellation!!])

"a dozen researchers glaring with anticipation" (should be "antici... pation". [Okay, not really. Prank annotation!])

"until he final (finally) came"

"Immediately Ryan was stood (he "was stood"? That doesn't sound right to me) there"

Alright as far as the story itself goes I have to agree with the good people above me: I thought it was humorous, light-hearted to an extent, written to a high standard, and also (very importantly) creepy as well. The premise of a "killer toilet" is obviously far-out and silly, but you managed to pull it off pretty well here in my opinion. The deaths were pretty grotesque and bizarre, but the ridiculous image and just the idea of these people getting sucked whole into toilet bowls kind of balances it out and makes for an entertaining Mangler-type story which offers both horror and humor. I thought the story was told well, and I liked the cartoonishly over-the-top boss, the interaction between characters, and David's inhibited attitude at work contrasted with his laid-back demeanor at home at the end. The whole part with the R&D sub-basement was pretty weird (and honestly a little confusing to me), but I think it leaves a lot of possibilities open in regard to the "company" that spans throughout the collab. And just as a side note if you were wondering, I don't think my story has any chance for cross-reference here (I'll be posting a synopsis on the collab discussion page about it soon so you can judge for yourself). But yeah I don't really think you need any real help here, I think this will be a nice section for the collab.

Oh and for Pennywise's full body, I may or may not make a blog post about it (As I have done in the past concerning his new makeup), but long story short I think it looks kind of dumb. It just seem to me they were trying way too hard to make him seem like a "creepy clown", and that's definitely not just what made the original Pennywise creepy. But yeah I'm honestly disappointed with the costume design. We'll just have to see how the actor pulls off his performance.