Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31525529-20170317125911/@comment-24101790-20170317131314

I'm sorry, but I would strongly recommend looking over our quality standards. Not only is this a wall of text, but it has numerous capitalization ("It was her birthday that day and i (I) used to live as housemates at the time with me and My (my) best friends Jacob and Devin.We wanted to present veronica (Veronica) a gift but not just any gift,"), spacing ("quickly.So (space needed)i told Jacob and Devin to take the gift as a token from all of us.I should have known it while Devin was only mad about his break up with veronica,Jacob"), punctuation (""dude(comma missing) god dammit shit(comma/exclamation point) missing""), awkward wording ("He agreed for the better and after i was finished shaving", "i remembered that i had to post a important mail and the post office would close up pretty quickly."), as well as story issues.

The plot is rushed and scenes that are meant to convey the horror of the story come off as flat. ("Cake spilled over the mattress, Devin holding her down, as i saw this scene they tried to get a hold of me but i managed to escape them and called the police.") You also need to build up your characters some as there's no real reason the protagonist is telling this story or pretending that they don't know what is happening ("i came along the horrendous sight of my friends on top of veronica and strangling her or at least it seemed like they were."). I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here and a majority lie in the plot itself.