Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20180625160959/@comment-33937557-20180626182120

Well, the ending is certainly much improved. Last time I had to re-read it about five times to get the full context.

Thank you for slowing it down, too. This is one not meant to be rushed. There are one or two cases where you typed "I had had". I'd try shortening that further to "I'd had". It reads easier, gets rid of the speed bump.

But yeah, good revision.

(Just a nitpicky thing, but I noticed a paragraph with a lot of sentences beginning with "and". It's probably alright, but it just caught my attention for some reason.)