Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33530808-20140821212024/@comment-4832646-20140821212829

For one, the formatting is pretty bad.

Anyhow, it's not detailed - it's fairly rushed and feels anticlimatic. It doesn't feel full or rewarding to read. I want explanations behind the events in question - What is this cycle trying to get at? What is this cycle anyways? Who is this character? It doesn't feel like there is much of a story here.

Who are these demons? What's going on? There's alot of unanswered questions and this doesn't feel like it answers them.

You also used ellipses incorrectly (Don't break off sentences with ellipses - use a hyphen.) There are a few places with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. "I" needs to be capitalized and you need to read the story aloud to yourself so you can see where it gets kind of awkward and disrupts the flow, albeit only minorly.