Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36110136-20180707150934/@comment-7064562-20180709042017

To whomever is reading this stop while you still can if not then I warned you. It all began a year after a certain incident an incident I don't want to remember. Anyway, after the incident things started happening to my family but to me especially. They all got all the signs of cancer I thought it was strange so I asked the doctor. The thing he said next horrified me he said this is not normal this is an anomaly in the balance then he said my name like he knew me and said I am the one.

Problems with this outside of grammar, spelling, and being able to clearly read wtf is going on.


 * Telling us to stop for what ever reason.


 * "It all began thanks to an incident that I don't want to remember. Anyway, I won't tell you the incident but thanks to the incident, another incident happened." So, you couldn't think of a reason for something random and sad to happen, so you just won't tell me? Readers don't like this. Unless it's setting itself up with a longer story, TELL US why things are the way they are.


 * The last sentence of that makes zero sense. I have no idea what's going on. His family all having a strange form of cancer wasn't the horrifying part, but the fact the random doctor knew his name and that he was a chosen mary sue? Yet again, we need point B before you jump to point X.