Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24957984-20140610203304/@comment-24957984-20140611163523

Resident DeVir wrote: All right, I thought this was good. You should proofread, though:

You seem to end bits of dialogue with a period when he/she/it said comes immediately after, which is incorrect. If a piece of dialogue is standalone or comes after telling us who says it, you can end with a period, but if the sentence is ''“Alright, miss, the painting will be ready after a few days. I’ll call you back after finishing it,” I reply.'' then the bit of dialogue must end with a comma, as the sentence doesn't stop there.

There's some odd phrasing:

"I enter my bike and put the painting in my back."

"I eat breakfast, drink so coffee..."

"Get up and then explain me."

"...which says that he used to smell drugs in his break times, and this could've been resulted his car accident."

Finally, it's perfectly fine to switch from a first person to a third person perspective, but I think you should do a transition by adding a line, centerdash, or by simply making slightly more space before the paragraph where the perspective changes. Thanks for the reviw, I'll fix these problems and I'll post the story here again after fixing it.