Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31953020-20191210112011/@comment-9041013-20191211002753

It doesn't really convey paranoia, it conveys confusion and haste, on your part more than on the protag's part. It's almost random at points, like he's psychotic moreso than scared. He seems to be losing touch with reality completely at certain points.

Also, the way you've structured the whole thing is painful to read; break it up into paragraphs, we'll suspend our disbelief when it comes to him being paranoid even if you make the paragraphs more coherently distinct and less wall-of-text'y.