Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28299494-20170312013900/@comment-5038030-20170324160141

It's desirable to heed that, I'm not one who should be considered as an exquisite writer; thus, don't hesitate to question my thoughts upon your craft. Batting off, the title was an unfortunate exposure, I've fully understood what your pasta rambled about in a few short seconds of reading. However, since you mentioned it on your hook, then it's quite forgivable. Your narrative felt kinda dried, though it's me being biased, as such feel unrestricted to discredit it.

Dreadfully, few of the wordings came off as awkward seals in a way. Furthermore, some of the transitions didn't materialized too smoothly. Worst offender, was the fact you tend to utilize the same words repeatedly. I knowledge that certain words aren't avoidable, and are not replaceable; still, they're not exceptions as shown here. And not sparingly, you seemed to be rushing some of the scenes out. Had you slowed the pacing down, it would've impacted the audience a lot more.

Logically, this pasta fell horizontally below Satan's domain on that aspect. Had I known that the freaking bathroom accommodated a tunnel trailing towards a site filled with weird people, and was littered around with dried-up corpses. Cops would've been the earliest thing lingering upon my mind, not writing to submit it onto a horror site.

I disbelief that this work would pass the site's standards, even if you were to fix those awkward sequences, and provide a much more effective narrative. As of now, the plot should be revisited; otherwise this is not doable I'm afraid.

Sentences Which Requires Tweaking

 * [It started days ago] - Removed “today”. [Reasoning]: Redundant Wording.
 * [I began to hear a screech .] - Change The Word “screech”. [Reasoning]: Contradicted by the Following Sentence.
 * [But hearing it made me questioned what was going on.] - Removed “just”, Added -Ed. [Reasoning]: Makes the Flow Smoother, Past Tense.
 * [It just wouldn't go away unless I opened my eyes, and every time I closed from when they were open the screech would get slightly louder each time.]
 * [There were even times when I fell asleep, but I will point out that no noises were heard during these periods.]
 * [I don't remember too much except for the part where I believe I was underground, hearing the chanting and the screech from the last 2 nights.] - Still Requires Some Tweaking
 * There's more; have fun hunting.