Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26536577-20150627045843/@comment-24101790-20150627050726

Coding issues: “Do you like it?” I ask her.

Capitalization issues: "disney’s ‘imagineering’ huh?”", "“His name is Elliot.” She (she) said. “I’m Flora.”". Punctuation issues: "Here’s where it get’s (gets) strange…" Commas used incorrectly. "child like voice " Should be hyphenated.

Wording issues: "I reply (replied,) “I’m Jason. How are you, Elliot?” You shift between present and past tense multiple times. "Elliot doesn’t (didn't) reply, but he looks (looked) into my eyes for a few seconds.", "a man asks as he walks over to her.", etc.

Story issues. The story is way too rushed and lacks any sense of build-up. It comes off as a story made to highlight Disney's nefarious deeds, but really gives no reason or explanation for that reason.