Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37482493-20190305220652/@comment-36627132-20190306035521

Spelling and Grammar Issues: "you are  unconscious!" you added two spaces after "are". "The medicine man is a monster" since he is given the name Medicine Man his name should be capitalized. "The medicine man is a monster that works for the hospital" first off, I'm assuming this is a local forum or something as "the hospital" could referr to any random hospital. On top of that it should be "is a monster who" not "is a monster that". "by an ambulance. he then" "he" should be capitalized as it is the start of a sentence.

Spelling and Grammar Issues Continued: "a wave of drowsiness go over you and you will pass out. (Excluding the victim)" what? "A very demented alarm started playing" this could be worded better as a siren doesn't "play" it's not a CD player nor is it an instrument. "YOUR PHONE IS WITH ME" that isn't worded very good. "I could hear him trying to smash the glass, I was crying. Then I heard the glass smash." kind of redundant, don't you think? "The medicine man was dragging himself" again, capitalize your character's name. "was closed due to Purposeful murder" "purposeful" did not need to be capitalized.

Plot Issues: There is very little to this story. It seems kind of convenient that the main character hears about this monster and just so happens to get a visit from him. "I managed to take a picture of him with my camcorder before running and locking myself inside my room. " monster must be slow if the main character had time to do all this. On top of that, if this did happen, the main character would have uploaded the photo. Instead of going to the doctors, the main character's first action is to turn on the television. "The news said my local hospital was closed due to Purposeful murder from doctors" unless every single doctor was responsible for murder, there is absolutely no way a hospital would close down. "Authorities are not able to close the other hospitals because they think some weirdo worker sent it out for a cheap laugh." so they think it's a prank yet people were arrested.

This story is very lacking in detail and raises a ton of questions. What is the Medicine Man? Is he some sort of demon? And what are his origins? Why would hospitals hire him to increase funds? Why would the Medicine Man demand people harm themselves when he could harm them himself? If no one has ever lived to see him how do they know he exists? How did the main character survive?