Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27675561-20170102062555/@comment-7064562-20170102075000

I’m not one for grammar and honestly I find it idiotic that people actually go through all of these to find the problems, when it’s clear the writer didn’t put the effort in to re-read or learn basic grammar themselves. It’s insulting not only to the person who wrote said story, but to other writers as well. This is a community, not a charity, and while I’m sure one person out there will be more then willing to use their time to help you find every problem, I am simply not them. Here’s a program that can help be more in depth about things. However, seeing how just by copying this into google chrome I saw more red then when my girlfriend was on her last period, I doubt a meer program will help.



https://www.grammarly.com/?q=writing&utm_source=youtube&utm_content=ccoverlay

 There are many grammar issues and formatting problems. I suggest you read it out loud to yourself, as it should clear up many of the structural problems with your sentences. It’s really bad. Did you write this on the wiki or are you actually a cat like in your icon? That would only explain why there is so many errors that windows or chrome would have shown you. Such as how Sleepover  is one word.  Ya I’m a Gordon Ramsay type person. While Harsh, pussy footing(get it, cuz cats) around huge issues won’t help you improve. I can say that it’s not as bad as some of the stories I’ve seen on here the last 2 weeks.

As for the story itself…  <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">“ <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> I just slept in my clothing, back then when I was a kid, just my jeans, socks, and a shirt.”... I don’t get it. Why did you say just his clothing then name off his clothing like that?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">That voice... I didn't feel fear for it, I just felt fear of why? ...Umm, what?

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">So many more things like this…. <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">So, it was a chore to read, but it was interesting once it started going. However, you destroyed it with the ending. You had to many would be plots at once and it made me go from being  interested to just being confused. <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">So, the voice could have either been the bulldog thing, or it would have been something else that drove him away from the said bulldog thing. That was what was implied from the story. <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Then it turns out his dad was doing things to Sam. That gives the impression that, oh the bulldog thing was actually the good guy, saving him from the father or what ever. Or that something evil is in the house and was taking control of the father or did something to sam and the father got blamed for it. <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Then at the end, you want for vague and have it appear in the room again and ask for another sleepover. But..Why? <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;"> <span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">So, is the bulldog thing in the house and evil? If so why does he have to be at said house? Did it make the father do bad things to sam and have the father be blamed? Yet again, why not just follow him to his house? There isn’t any reason given to why it can’t just go the block over and do what it wants. If you want it to act as the guardian, then having it appear at the end again lacks logic, and if you want it to be evil, forcing him to go over again to meet it needs a reason stated.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#d9d9d9;font-weight:400;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Also, why bring in the father raping the daughter? For shock value? Like if he ran away from the evil bulldog, what was the need for the father doing things to the daugher, as the bulldog is the evil one here? Like I don’t see the connect between what happened to the kid, and what the father did. It has to ties together. <span style="color:rgb(217,217,217);font-family:Arial;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">If the dog thing did something and got the father blamed, how would the kid have been in trouble from it? Like the father was raping the daughter before all this and he’s been over to his friends before, so the father shouldn’t give him any issues, right? His friend is somewhere near him right, its a sleepover meaning you sleep with your friend, right? So there was no need for the voice or him to be scared of the father, but only the bulldog thing? However if the voice was saving him from the bulldog, then why have the father do something to the daugher, because yet again, it doesn’t really effect the kid? It’s all just confusing and needs a more straight forward ending. If you want it to leave questions at the end, that’s fine, but it still needs to be a little more linear. If I’m not making any sense here, I think the poor sentence structure of the story really  made me miss some key things in the story.

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.38;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="color:rgb(217,217,217);font-family:Arial;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;white-space:pre-wrap;">However you should keep experimenting with this idea. With some polishing it could be rather interesting.