Talk:Scary Night/@comment-25052433-20140818072043

Well, just like a bad case of nightmares and hallucinations, it's time for another review.

What went right:

-This story did a good job of creating a sense of unease and damn near dread. It was dark, demented and delivered in the creepy department.

-This story hangs in a few spots but doesn't drag. The pace blends well with the descriptions, taking the reader through this bizarre experience.

-The conversations between the kid and his dad during the dream portions were strange and disturbing. It worked, and had me guessing with every line. Well done.

What could be better:

-Grammar. This was too much. I was editing this thing, and realized that there was a grammatical error in almost every other sentence. I gave up after a couple of paragraphs. None of the errors are major though, and they don't ruin the reading experience. Things such as,

-Do not start a sentence with words like 'but.' Words like 'but' and 'and' can follow a comma, but they don't start a sentence.

-The plot. Ok, I get that you were trying to create a chaotic environment within this guy's mind, full of oddities and strange moments. However, this is a written story, not a movie. Sure, in a movie, you can get away with crazy stuff like this, because the viewer can see what is happening and piece it together. However, in writing, you have to walk the reader through what you are seeing as you write the story. Frankly, it lost me in a few places, not because the story was too complicated, but simply because you were just throwing stuff in there left and right with no proper narration.

-The ending. Alright, as crazy a story as you may be trying to tell, as much off the beaten path of logic that you may be choosing to venture, you still owe the reader something that makes a degree of sense. Otherwise, what you have at the end, is not a satisfying read, but just a confusing ending that leaves the reader wondering why they even began the journey with you in the first place.

Final tally here is going to be 3/10. You clearly have a lot of creativity here, and I have no doubt that you can come back with an amazing story, or perhaps even an amazing revamp of this one. However, as it stands right now, this just seemed scattered.