Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35447404-20180505135118/@comment-9041013-20180506110813

EmperorinYellow wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: While I like this story, it's not the most original piece I've seen (I did the message from the future thing too, once), nothing bad about it, because you took a very scientific approach which makes it it's own thing.

Now this piece, for the casual reader, would seem a slightly too science savvy. Not everyone could get on board with the reasoning of the characters, course of action and what is even going on. It is a heavy piece for a person who has no clue in astronomy at all. A very heavy piece.

You've kept a nice tone throughout most of the piece but then you have a part where you wrote "crazy", should've gone for "losing control" or "going out of control" to sound more continuous. Felt really out of place.

As for the sciency stuff itself. - Time travel details are kind of fine, because we don't have this technology. - Space travel issues seem fine as well, because again, I'm not in NASA I don't know too much. - The astrophysics though, a whole lot of messed up, to the point where this story should've really ended when the exoantiplanet entered anything near a matter galaxy, the contact between matter and antimatter produces unreal amounts of energy. We actually find antimatter "objects" today by observing gamma ray blasts between visible objects (ei matter) and seemingly nothing (antimatter).

Now to put you into perspective of how much energy such impact produces, apparently one kg of antimatter contains about 43 megatons of boom.

You were detailing the collision between a Ceres sized exobody, (9.393±0.005)×1020 kg

Thats the mass of Ceres, now this is obviously tiny compared to earth, but it is still many many many tonns over the whatever dozen of tonns a space prob would have to be. This much matter/antimatter innahilation should created an explosion so freaking large it would produce enough force to probably damage not only the spaceship but also whatever can be affected by such radiation on earth.

Basically, upon contact, this whole thing should've blown up.

Let's just hope nobody does the math and your story's pretty good. Think i'll change "going crazy" for "outputs making no sense"... would that work?

Also, could you give me a pointer or two about the most dense hard science stuff I should cut? I'm having trouble cutting stuff that would still allow the story to make some manner of sense in my mind. In all honesty this is my first sci-fi story and I am a little in over my head here. Yeah, it kind of works, perhaps, "going out control" would sound better, try rolling both options on your mouth.

As for the science heavy, cut the buzz words, like, we're aiming at important people in the past right? that's politicians, cut out the "It's an exoplanet" that shows up a million times. You could write "the UFO" because it is, for the longer part of the story, an unidentified flying object. You don't need to detail the nationalities of each operative, because, that's just random personal information.

All the silly acronyms sound, well, silly. I did not really care to know all the organizations and people who contributed to the research mission before it headed off into space, they don't matter. Dumben it down a little for all them Trumps out there. Just because a Space scientist writes a letter does not mean said person can't write a "normal lingo" styled letter.

I did mean to point it out, but we don't really name space objects after greek gods, we name them after mythological things. The whole solar system is named after Latin deities and words, Including "Terra" and "Sol". Also, Hermes is somewhat a god of mischief, if you were going for a "trickster" to land a name to the Antidwarf planet. He is also the god of plagues in Greek mythology so, that's also good.

(Not to mention the naming of a space ship after Tiresias is very ironic, but that plays its role well in the story.)