Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28266772-20160902203638/@comment-25569708-20160910075800

A few small errors:

"I was lucky cause ('cause)"

"would have been shoddy(-)looking" Just remember to include hyphens, as when you leave them out of phrases like this, the word meanings aren't changed ("looking" is still a verb here without the hyphen).

"I was just going to look down into (a/the) room below"

"a lot of amber(-)tinted light"

"including blood(-)splattered handprints"

"But just as I began to lost (lose) control"

"was an awe(-)inspiring discovery"

"large enough to dwarf the empire state building (Empire State Building)"

"must have been thirty of (or) forty metres high"

"physics(-)defying life"

"curved in such a manner than (that) the light above me was obscured"

"fun and games until someone loses and (an) eye"

So I'm not gonna waste time here. I've read and reviewed a few of your stories, all they've all been written to a high standard, and this one is certainly no exception. The narrative and everything all came together, and I liked the perspective of this IRS guy talking about his past experiences with Hallow Roots. You made Hallow Roots seem like a less dangerous place and a much more weird one with this story, and I think that was a good step. Nice cross references as well, I especially liked the Moonlight Inn one, pretty funny. I also really, really liked how you mentioned that people view Hallow Roots differently, that kind of covers different collaborators having their own unique description of the town (I know I do). So that was a thoughtful inclusion, I wonder how Elliot feels about it. But yeah I thought the plot was great, this kind of had a slower burn to it than I expected, but I honestly didn't think it was slow anywhere. Not a ground-breaking plot as mentioned above, but executed well. This one had a discernible, deliberate flow that moved along nicely. The description was wonderful, and the whole squid monster city-type place was at the same time spooky and fascinating. I have to say I was not expecting to hear about a Lovecraftian giant squid palace deep in a mine somewhere, so I feel you pulled off a bizarre and interesting section here.

So I thought this section was pretty great, and I think it might work well as the first section in the finished product (After the introduction of course), but that might just be me. Anyways super job here, that was an enjoyable read.