Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25477067-20150302182845/@comment-24976741-20150303001911

First off I know how it is with the editor, it always puts an extra space for me so don't worry, I recommend you always hit preview before posting.

Let's now get to some gramical errors.

In the first sentence you should replace the period after stange and before something with a comma, it's more natural. Also do the same with after haircut and before different. Also I may not be right on this, but in this sentence "How many times had I told him" it sounds more natural to replace had with have, well that's for me I guess. Next, I wept. I screamed. I yelled. I think they're ok like this, but if you want, replace the first two periods with commas.

I do know what you mean about the story being off, I can't put my finger on it, but the story sounds kinda like it's read in a, fast pace, maybe? I find the story interesting at the least, but like I said, maybe you could do something about the pacing? I believe this story sounds kinda familar to a movie a friend of mine once talked about, not sure.

Also I recommend that you use this to check your spelling just incase because it doesn't show you if something's mispelled when you type stories out on here, or at least that's for me. http://www.spellcheck.net

I recommend to take a break from the story for a couple of days if your having trouble with it. Your better off to take a honest look at it with a fresh and clear mind than to rack your brain over it with a frustrated one.

Btw I'm having trouble with getting responses on my story so if you ever feel like it can you check it out in the workshop? It's based off of an event that happened to me a couple of years back.

Also one more thing, this is just a joke so if you don't want to hear it you don't have to, but do you think he's paying his time for using the death note?