Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6822927-20190404175549/@comment-6822927-20190404190421

NedWolfkin wrote: Plot Issues: First off, it is obvious the beginning part is just a nightmare. I'm not sure if we are supposed to know it is from the get-go, but I think it is safe to say that everyone will figure that out pretty quickly. The part where the main character hears whispering kind of reminds me of that one scene in Abandoned by Disney. "a Gothic woman, [...] she’s really trying to sell this whole emo thing." Goth and emo are too different things. Goths are cool, emos are lame. It is unlikely she will give free services to someone just because their father, who we are never told what is so bad about him until near the end, was rotten.

Plot Issues Continued: The main character awakes and goes crazy for a very stupid reason. The whole premise of a dream affecting reality comes off as if it were inspired by A Nightmare on Elm Street. The fact that the main character deforms himself and wakes up in a hospital is reminiscent of Jeff of the Killer. I would also like to add that he wouldn't get very far in harming himself without passing out. "The doctors keep me in intensive care, under suicide watch." you wouldn't have internet connection under suicide watch at a hospital. On top of that, unless you are showing signs of doing it again (or worse), they probably wouldn't keep you there very long. "They think I’m crazy." if he mutilates himself because he looks like his father then he is crazy. The first part is basically supposed to come across as a dream, though I could make it more clear.

This is less dream affecting reality than it is recalling a really traumatic event from his past which tips him off the deep end.

I do admit, my use of show don’t tell in this story is subpar. I need to figure out how to show what an ass the father was before the big reveal.

Yeah, the main character is batshit crazy. The part where he denies it is inspired by Edgar Allen Poe. The guy doesn’t want to be anything like his father, so much so, he cuts off his own face so he doesn’t have to look like him.

This was inspired by things I myself have thought about doing. My father is an abusive piece of shit, and every time I look in the mirror, I notice how much I look like him. So much so, I have honestly considered cutting off my own face so I don’t have to. This is something people with anxiety like myself suffer from.