Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-17739056-20140704170557/@comment-9967354-20140705064135

The story wasn't bad, actually. I didn't find any grammatical errors, and the plot itself was well knit for your first pasta. However, the ending sort of bummed me out. I agree with Booboofinger about the monster being a bit cheesey. You could have handled that better. Maybe, just maybe, you could do this: when the monster says 'somebody forgot to close the door' and then pops out, you could lay more stress on what you were thinking and feeling rather than the adventure. Just to add more depth to your character and ultimately the story. Because right now, the story seems too plot driven. This is okay, of course, but I daresay I didn't really care if the character or his friend died at the end. So it sort of ended like a fairytale, or something you tell kids to scare them from doing stuff. It's to-the-point, but far too much.

also, please keep personal disputes away from the forums. Thanks.