Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34296765-20160501000610/@comment-27905100-20160505154838

Why the centipede? it would have been much, much more effective if you had said something along the lines of: He kisses his forehead, and grabs the pillow, lowering it over the child's face.

Also, yes you did rely on shock, but that's a given. Micropastas like this never let you get to know the characters and get scared by subtle personality changes or anything like that.

Good luck with this.