Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26423665-20150604190112/@comment-26423665-20150623084823

Thank you both for your input. All the points you've raised are going to help very much. In fact, much of what you've said is what I had concerns about myself so it's cemented for me what needs altering. I was particularly unhappy with the last sentence but still wanted opinions on it just in case it was just me being unhappy with my work again (happens a lot with just about everything I do) so thanks again for confirming that it needs to go.

The sentences tend to run on for because that's how I talk; I'll generally use ten words where three would do. It's a bit of a bane because people always have to hurry me to get to the point. It's something else I can work on.

The description is a tricky bit because I want to cement an image of the monster in the reader's mind but you're right that I can't really use my own personal monster. Of course if I'm using mine then I'm going to be detracting from their own which I need for the personal fear.

As soon as the replacement laptop arrives after mine finally gave up the ghost I'll work on everything you've suggested and be back soon with a second draft. Thanks again for the help.