Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25980873-20160117194430/@comment-28088262-20160122173415

Hello there, and a wonderful start. Detailled descriptions and vocabulary use. I found the woman sniffing like an animal to catch their scent quite creepy, and I also particularly liked the loaf of bread comparison!!

I would also like to point out some points for improvement:
 * Do check word meanings, as some words you used are not the best for the context. For example, "a memory I have attempted to repress". Here, "supress" would be better to use because "repress" suggests you want to get rid of it, delete it permanently which is clearly not the intention. Don't use words if you're unfamiliar with their context. Make sure you ard confident about their meaning.
 * As Vroomie said, always check your work for grammatical errors and tense errors too.
 * CYRUS! Don't capitalize entire words, or stretch them out: AAAAAAARGH! It just looks childish and a simple 'Argh!' (In italics, if you wish) will do. If you want to emphasize the sound of the scream you could describe it, e.g. "Marjorie!" I screamed as loud as I could, my throat almost tearing apart.
 * Too many dates. I understand you're trying to make the story sound local as well as realistic, but the reader usually skims over them without much notice and they disrupt the flow. Also you sometimes write out your numbers, e.g. "twenty-second" but other times you write them as numerals. Just remember to be consistent.

Also no need to sign your story. Just a few tweaks to improvement, don't hesitate to ask for more info if needed.