Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26007602-20150501010846

This is only the first part of the story, and my first attempt at writing "Industrial Horror" (If such a genre exists). I'm only really putting this up unfinished because I'm sort of stuck on how to proceed next, and while I'm thinking it over, I thought it'd be good to get some opinions. I'm mainly curious as to how to improve the sensory details, as they are probably the most important part of the story. Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

When Garrett finally came to, he immediately realized something was wrong. His dizzied mind could put that much together.

The room was dark, his vision useless, and there was a continuous grinding sound in his ears, deafening him. His limbs ached for stillness, but he defied their pain and pushed himself off the cold, damp ground; it clung to his hands as they made contact with the floor. He sat up shakily, trying to get his bearings and make sense of this strange predicament he had found himself in. One second he was cozily dozing at home, the next… he couldn’t remember. Had he been kidnapped? Stolen away in the night? Taken from his family? Betrayed? Was he dreaming? A simple nightmare to wake up from and laugh about later?

''That must be it, he thought, I’m having a nightmare. I should be able to close my eyes and open them again, waking myself up.'' He closed his eyes and opened them again. The scenery of black nothingness had not changed. He closed and opened them again. Nothing. Again and again he tried to wake, each attempt more desperate and futile than the last. His mind asked questions as it collected itself. ''Nononono. This can’t be real. Where the hell am I? What are those sounds? Why can’t I see anything-'' His mind stopped.

''No shit. Of course I can’t see anything. I’ve been blind all my life.''

This was a common occurrence upon waking, regardless of the situation he was waking in to. Confusion and misplaced optimism, hoping to have acquired the vision he had heard so much about. In this particular situation however, Garrett was grateful that he couldn’t see the hell that surrounded him. He just didn’t know it yet.

Quickly realizing that he was indeed awake, Garrett decided to focus on the environment around him. The most prevalent feature, was the sounds of machinery that echoed into his area like an unwelcome breeze. Gears and cogs turned and grinded against each other, metal smacked upon metal, steam escaped into the open air, conveyors carried components to and fro, and pistons pushed slowly forced themselves down. Of course, Garrett had little idea what was the cause of these sounds, and could only hear only the strange irregular hissing amongst the mass of scraping and pounding metal upon each other. The sounds were distant enough to be a non-threat, but violent enough to cause pain in his sensitive eardrums. He screamed and threw his hands over his ears, instantly regretting such an action. He could feel the ground reverberate after his vocal outburst. Something else was in the room with him.

He stopped, his hands suppressing the sounds of machinery, and letting through only his shallow breaths as they slowed to a crawl. Instinctively, he backed away from the source of the movement, feeling its speed hasten and approach. It made a noise of sorts, but between the machinery in the background, and the hands covering his ears, he couldn’t quite make out just what had been uttered. It sounded angry, confused, and frightened, a dangerous combination, Garrett feared. A blind kid in an unknown environment would have no chance against any hostile threat. He backed further away until his back pressed upon the wall, which had a similar texture to the floor. The other creature in the room had caught up to him, and was making louder and louder sounds as the machinery droned on and on. Garrett cringed as he felt something grab on to his left arm and pull it away.

“...I said, are you fucking listening to me?! Hello? Fucking idiot! Can you speak? Are you another one of those mutes? Are you sane? Do you speak English? Christ! Just what we need! Another useless fucking-”

The sound was most certainly human, Garrett realized, and belonged to are rather furious female. He felt her grip tighten on his arm as she screamed over the equipment in the distance.

“Gah! You-you-you don’t have to… eh, yell so loudly!”  Garrett shouted back, ducking his head away and pulling against the grip on his arm, “I-who are- what are those- where… Where are we?”  The grip on his arm loosened and he pulled away.

“Sorry I yelled… get a bit, ‘worked up’ sometimes,” The voice returned, “As for where you are, heh, isn’t it obvious? Look around!” Unable to do that, Garrett placed his hands on the wall, and ran them up and down the rough concrete surface, feeling small, eroded divots and cracks lining the wall. He took a deep breath, nearly feeling the particles of coal travel up his nostrils, and erupted into a coughing fit to eject the mineral from his lungs. The smell of dampness and mold mixed with the more distant smell of rusted metal caused Garrett to wrinkle his nose in disgust. When he did not respond, the voice continued speaking, “What’s wrong with you anyways? Are you ignoring me? Because if you are, you little fucking-”

Something else moved in the room, at least Garret thought it did; this had a much more gentle touch than the first. Garrett did not feel nearly as threatened as he did prior. He could sense and vaguely hear the other figure interacting with the young woman in front of him in some way, but he couldn’t make out what.

“I… yeah. I know. I can’t help it…” The woman spoke to seemingly nothing, her tone softening to a barely inaudible whisper, “Sorry,”  Garrett could tell that she was speaking to him, “I’m letting the stress get to me. If it’s not obvious, you’re in a holding cell with Jonathan and I. The name’s Reilly by the way.”

“I- I- I… I’m Garrett. What is that-”

“Machine in the background? Oh, we’ll get to that,” She was grinning wryly, Garrett sensed it in the way she spoke, “But first, we need to know more about you, Garrett. What’s your disability?”

“What?! Why- how do you-”

“Because I’m not a fucking retard you fucking-” Reilly stopped mid sentence, her voice calming, “Everyone, that… comes through here has some sort of ‘quirk’. Jonathan’s mute and I… don’t need to share. Look, we just need to know if you’re safe to be around or not. Jonathan was with a schizophrenic once; crazy bitch tried to strangle him. So don’t be insulted, it’s just a precaution; what’s your problem?”

The difficulties of communicating with Jonathan were already present in Garrett’s mind, “I’m blind,” As much as he didn’t want to discuss this topic, he decided it be better than upsetting Reilly.

“Great. A blind one. Just what we need…” She stomped away and her voice was lost amidst the cries of machinery. Garrett slouched against the wall, sliding to the floor and putting his head in his hands, pitying himself. As he sulked, he felt someone move closer to him and gently lay a hand on his shoulder. Garrett assumed this was Jonathan, the kinder of the two other humans in the room. Jonathan patted Garrett reassuringly but quickly receded as a scream joined the sounds of the machine.

“Oh God…” Reilly muttered as she walked back over, “They’re feeding the machine already…”

Garrett winced as the scream meshed with the churning machinery. A million different scenarios as to the source of the scream flashed through his mind: someone getting caught between the gears and grinded to bits, someone getting flattened by a steel press, someone getting ripped apart between the conveyor belts, or perhaps someone falling into a boiler and melted into a fine paste. None were more pleasant than the other. The scream soon became mixed into the mess of industrial sounds, getting pushed through whatever process the machine was designed for. This went on for an agonizing minute; as soon as Garrett believed the screamer to have mercifully passed, the cry would return with as much agony as before.

“What… the fuck is that?!” Garrett managed to spit at Reilly.

She ignored him, “Three… two… one…” As if on cue, a second scream entered the mix, the shrill of the first still very much alive. After another minute, a third joined the others, wailing as it was passed through the machine. Garrett curled into a ball and felt Reilly pace around the room. He held his breath and tried to fight the sickened feeling in his stomach, as he heard the first scream begin to gurgle and slowly die off as it scraped along. The other two screams followed suit; eventually crumpling amongst the wailings of machinery.

Garrett was nearly relieved until he realized that the sounds of the machine had changed. Instead of metal pounding and scraping against metal, he could hear the metal striking a much softer surface and pressing it down with more ease. Something was caught between the cogs as they fought to keep turning. Steam no longer hissed; a new liquid simply dripped onto the pipes equipment beneath. A much more revolting smell entered the cell. A mix of flesh, coal, and whatever other bodily fluids had been squeezed from the victims tried to penetrate the hands covering Garrett’s nose and mouth. He fought off the urge to vomit.

“What… the fuck… is going on?” Garrett managed again.

“Christ, I wish I was blind,” Reilly mumbled to herself. Garrett felt Jonathan stir in the corner. “I don’t know where to start…” Reilly continued, “I’ve been down here for three days; Jonathan’s been here for four. Those sounds you’re hearing belong to the, uh, what’d you call it Jonathan…?” Garrett heard nothing, “Oh, right, the Societis Machine.”

Garrett could feel the temperature in the room increasing rapidly, as if the heat from the machine was being vented directly into his cell. To back up his theory, a warm breeze rushed through the room, accompanied with a hissing of pipes, nearly burning the inhabitants and bringing an acrid stench with it.

“I want out of this place,” Garrett groaned, as a whistle in the distance went off. The sounds of machinery did not stop, instead, they seemed to work with more purpose. Garrett could hear the whirring of sawblades in the far distance, first cutting against metal and soon afterwards against a much softer material. Despite the ease of cutting the second material, Garrett could hear the mess it created as it splattered against the nearby walls, first a flurry of wet splotches, followed by secondary splotches as the material peeled off the walls and onto the floor.

Reilly ignored Garrett, her voice wavering as she pressed on in her speech, “They feed people to the Machine. In groups of threes… always in groups of threes… And now that you’re here-” Her tone turned agitated and directed at Garrett, “Now we’re truly fucked. There’s three of us now- they’ll come for us any minute.”

“Oh God! I- I’m sorry! I didn’t mean- didn’t mean to-”

“This is your fault you, you- you cunt! You’ve finally fucked us over!” Garrett whimpered as Reilly grabbed his shirt and pulled him off the ground,  “We don’t need someone like you here! Nobody needs you!” She spat numerous curses of him, each bit of saliva smacking against Garrett’s face, and mixing with his sweat. He felt her hands gravitating towards his throat as something clicked nearby, as if a switch were turned on; Reilly released her grip and Garrett crumpled to the floor, covering himself with his arms.

A sound of treads moving over roughened pavement approached the cell. With it, came the sounds of gears moving in clockwork sync, a combustion engine sputtering along, and the mechanized sounds of limbs moving around. Something was leaking onto the ground; a trickle of warm liquid brushed against Garrett’s foot as he pulled it away. The smell of burning, rotted flesh mixed with coal was stronger than ever as the thing outside drew closer. Garrett felt a warmth flood into the room, briefly glazing over him and quickly disappearing as the sounds of treads passed on by. By the vibrations Garrett felt from the thing’s movement, he knew it to be at least three times his size, perhaps more.

After a few minutes of agonizing silence between the humans while the mobile device resumed its patrol in the background, Garrett slowly crawled out of his shell. “Is that- that thing gone…?”

“Yeah, I’d say so…” Reilly muttered, saying nothing else for a short while. Garrett heard the rustling of clothing as Jonathan gesticulated towards Reilly. Reilly continued her speech, “That was what we call a Coggoth. Think of them like the caretakers of this place, as well as the sentries.”

“Are they the ones that… feed the machine?”

“Yeah, but they don’t run the machine. The Societis Machine’s operators are all human, trust me. The Coggoths are just the inhuman devices made to carry out the Machine’s operations.”

“How- how do you know that the operators are human?” Garrett immediately regretted the question, realizing that it implied he did not trust Reilly, potentially leading to another outburst.

To his relief, she simply responded with, “Because the only thing cruel enough to run such a device must be a human.” In the distance, a door slid open, and a woman screamed, followed by the sounds of machinery angrily dragging her across the concrete ground. The voices of another woman and a younger man were heard after, pleading with the device as it too dragged them across the floor. The sounds of a second Coggoth joined in the fray, pulling the other humans towards the Societis Machine.

“Why do they bring us here to die?” Garrett sobbed, ignoring the question of who had brought them here. The woman in the other group was struggling enough to be heard over the admittedly softened sounds of machinery. Garrett made out the gruesome sound of a drill belonging to one of the Coggoths activating. The screaming intensified as the drill easily bore through flesh, trudged through bone, and fit perfectly into a softer innard (The brain maybe? Garrett wasn’t sure). The sounds of resistance stopped. Garrett’s face drained itself of blood.

“They don’t bring us here to die,” Reilly sighed, “The Societis Machine does not destroy its raw materials. It just… changes them. Reformats them. Jonathan and I have caught glimpses of people passed through it. They aren’t the same.”

Garrett’s blind eyes widened, “It-it, ah, it turns them into the, the uh, the Coggoths?”

“You could say that…” Reilly’s voice trailed off, “I just don’t understand why we’re still here. That Coggoth passed right on by… but, it doesn’t matter.” The Societis Machine ground to a near halt in the middle of their conversation; Reilly was interrupted near thought, “Oh God, this is the worst part.”

“What’s happening?”

“This is where it unloads its ‘products.’ God, I’m glad they do that far away. This thing stretches on farther than I can see, Garrett. It could go on for miles down here. Jonathan says he saw the end once; I can’t imagine what that’s like. He says they’re all passed through a grinder of sorts first. They come out in meaty bits and are welded together.”

“That’s impossible! They’d die!”

“The shit the Machine does to you… makes you crave death. But it does not kill. Not directly. I don’t know how those passed through survive. I’ve seen it jam in the middle of one of its operations; the people trapped inside screamed louder than ever. Do you realize what that means?”

“I’m not sure I follow…”

“It means they come to rely on the Societis Machine. They live off the pain it puts them through; that’s why they stop screaming after a few minutes. Or their vocal cords are ripped out,” Garrett could hear the hint of tears in her voice, the first since they talked, “I don’t want to end up like that, Garrett. I don’t want to rely on such a device. You lose something in that machine. It changes you. Don’t trust what comes out of there. Do you hear me? Do you fucking understand?! Don’t listen to a fucking thing that comes out of there! Not me, not Jonathan, not anyone else! Got that?!”

Garrett himself was terrified enough of the idea of being “put through” such a device. He readily agreed with Reilly, seeing no reason to argue. She calmed down a bit afterwards, just as the Societis Machine’s gears began to turn once again. Steam flowed through its veins and the conveyors and grinders resumed turning. Garrett gripped his shirt and bit into it, trying not to scream as the pain returned to his ears. By now, the liquid left by the Coggoth had fully seeped into the room, forming a small puddle and running in between the cracks of the floor. A putrid smell rose from the puddle and Garrett could taste the bitterness of whatever it was that lay there. It smelled almost of gasoline, but tasted almost of blood. “Reilly,” he uttered, unmoving.

“Yeah?” The voice was full of sorrow and acceptance.

“Those Coggoths… they- they’re just machines, right? Nothing- nothing more?”

Jonathan moved in the corner, Reilly spoke for him, “Yeah Garrett. They’re simply machines. Nothing more.”

That put him at a bit more ease. As he felt the tension loosen in his body, he felt compelled to ask a final question, “Reilly?”

“Yeah?”

“Why- why do you call it the ah, the ‘Societis Machine’?”

“Jonathan tol-” She stopped, hesitating, “... That’s the name I see plastered on the signs around this place. Must have been the company’s name that built this… thing.” 