Talk:Dinner Guest/@comment-5733573-20180817185823

It's an okay story. There's lots to like here. Many of your descriptions are fun and vivid. I like the plotting as well. It's an enjoyable journey from beginning to end.

It needs a lot more polish, though. Read this out loud to yourself. You'll discover that a lot of it is awkward and needs to be smoothed out. Also,  you absolutely need to add commas where they're missing. Wherever you would naturally pause, that's where a comma needs to go. This is important for clarity's sake. Finally, you start the story in present tense, and quickly switch to past tense. Please pick a tense and stick with it.

There's also the issue of how we're hearing the story. If the narrator doesn't escape, then who is she talking to? How is she talking to anyone? This needs to be cleared up.

Like I said, the story was enjoyable, but some fixes and polish will make it great.