Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24841494-20140418235841

Story outline for Agnerstien and myself's new story, Innocence. I wanted to post it here, and see what you guys thought before we started writing the story itself. (If posting an putline is against the rules, I apologize, but I didn't see anything about it.)

Characters: Main: Johnathan Smith: member of church. Member of the Cult. 33 years old, unmarried, wife and son died in a car accident unspecified amount of time ago, only survivor. Became religious after the accident. Otherwise, just a normal guy.

Support: Jack “Father” Simmonds: Priest of Christians. 40 something male, christian, very religious. 20+ Acolytes of the Cult, General and Bishop of the Cult.

Various minor characters

Demon: Ecuinach De Un Asmodeus “Liar of/for Asmodeus” Pretends to be “God” Uses members of the church for his own needs For any person that commits a sin, no matter how slight, they shall be put to death. Uses christian “ideals” and twists them to the extreme to where they become “evil”

Setting: Medium sized town, generally religious close knit community. Modern day, summer, near future (2016), A small neighborhood church, and John’s house are the main settings.

Detailed plot: 1) Average warm sunday, Introduced to John. John looks at a small picture of his wife and child and begins to cry. After a while he recovers, and continues to get ready for church. 2) John begins his walk to church, and takes notice of a wallet on the ground. He decides to pick it up, and later return it to the owner. This is to reveal that John is a normal/nice guy. 3) He arrives at Church, and is greeted by the Priest, Father Jack Simmonds. They make polite convo, then get ready for service. 4) Some time after church service ends, Simmonds pulls John off to the side, and says he think God has spoken to him. Simmonds appears to be terrified. John heads home, has the rest of his day, then goes to bed. 5) John heads to the Church to next day, to talk to Simmonds about the incident last night. After some dialogue, Simmonds reveals that God has given him orders, and a vision of a perfect world. The innocent will be spared, but those who have sinned will be put to death by God’s new soldiers. Simmonds says he will reveal this to the others at the next service. 6) fast forward one week to the service, John has been plagued by nightmares of who might die. He consoles himself by saying that it is God’s will. Simmonds has been accepted by the church as God’s new prophet, and the church goers await their orders. 7) A few days later; John is reading newspaper. Several killings are noted, all of them criminals. 8) Another couple days later, John is in the process of killing a sinner. His sin was lust, as he slept with another man’s wife. John doesn’t feel guilty, as he his doing it in God’s name. 8) The “Cult” has spread to nearly every church in the city, and crime is non-existent. Non-believers are killed as well. Soon, Simmonds receives a message from God saying that all sins must be punished with death. John has become Simmonds’ right-hand man, and has killed dozens. 9) The Cult has become nation-wide, and has started spreading over seas. The Catholic Pope has given full support to this cause. 10) Ecuinach reveals himself to Simmonds. Simmonds has a breakdown because he realises that he has been tricked, and that the killings were not God’s will, but the will of some deceitful demon. Simmonds publicly reveals this, but is killed by the followers, believing he is a traitor and a heretic. 11)The Cult has become worldwide. It has military assets from the US, and most European countries, and any opposition is destroyed. John has become the leader of this new world. 