Talk:The Shambling Guest/@comment-26425680-20181030142907

Seventy-eight! That's how many ellipses you have in your story. That's about seventy too many, and it really bogs the story down, especially at the end. Based on the ammount of detail you included, I'll guess that you spent a whole lot of time working on this, so you should be commended on your effort. The problem is that it's overy-detailed, again bogging things down. It seems you treated each individual sentence as its own little set piece, without considering the overall flow of the story. You were going for an atmospheric feel, yes? Well in some ways you succeeded, but overall it simply takes too long to get from point A to point B. I see talent lurking in your writing, but this one didn't work for me.