Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31507371-20170313154749/@comment-5038030-20170326135757

Wording Issues
Transitions: P.1- From then on, the next-sequences didn't felt as smooth, and itself made several wording issues as well. I highly recommend that you read the entire pasta out loud, to catch those weird arrangements and properly revise them.
 * [I was startled, awaken by a sound.] - Sentence itself still contains weird wording.
 * [It was faint, but distinct enough to have awaken me from a deep nap.]
 * [Must have been my dream.] - Redundant wording.
 * [The longer I laid there, the tougher the sleep began to try and tug me back in.] - Same issues as I stated, at the hooking sentence.
 * [“You scared the shit out of me.”] - Familiarize yourself with the styling guide especially the dialogue section, since this site is intending to grasp upon it.
 * [The moment I turned towards the hallway upstairs, I saw it.] - Tense swap.

Horror/Creepy Factor: That sudden scare wasn't intense enough, due to its pacing. Had you slowed down, and created a much more eerie, atmospheric world; it would've been more effective at dreading the audience. For the creature thingy, it wasn't terrifying or morbid; it was, weird to say the least, not much description as well.

Repetition: Few biggest issue is, you tend to apply the same words repeatedly onto different sentences. Doing as such, would bore the readers to their graves. Instead, experiment out with different word changes; see which fits, and what not.

Plot Summary: Protagnist Wakes Up, Because A Weird Sound Woke Him Up > Tries To Sleep Again, But Hears It Again > Attempts To Locate It, Later On His GF Comes Back > Resumes The Search + Sees Somebody Out Doing The Same Thing, GF Gives Him Startling News > People Dissapearing, Apparently Some Creature Has Abducted Them  > Protagnist Decides What To Do + Runs And Hides > Fails, Creature Kills Him, As His GF Screams To Her Very Lungs

Insights: Plot-wise, I'm afraid this pasta isn't up to standards; a trope has been used which should've been avoided, the narrator here clearly died. Yet, he's able to type it all out and submitted it, onto the internet. Should you redo this once more, I suggest that you slow down the pacing a lot more; and the whole tweet thing seemed, off to me.