Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27612790-20160115020718/@comment-26425680-20160115124626

This isn't badly written, but there's not too much here that draws me into the world of this writer. Overall, this more as a description of events rather than an effectively told tale. Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to simply describe an incident or a character's mindset, but if you want to create true drama and suspense then you need to move beyond that. One way to do so is to give your characters some back-and-forth dialogue. That will help the reader envision these characters as real people, and will better show their personalities. You did give the fiery being a handful of lines, but those were mostly a squandered opportunity which should've been used to build a real character. Basically, he doesn't say enough and he doesn't do enough. That part of the story is where the bulk of the creepiness/drama/suspense should come from, and it simply doesn't deliver.