Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26384782-20150528220035/@comment-25037895-20150528220729

Here's a few things:
 * "That’s when you here the chewing, That (should not be capitalized) horrible chewing. You look around, horrified at the thought of what you already no (know) to be true"
 * " “So this is death” you think to yourself."
 * "Your (You're) not dead."

Also, the first few lines are very ambiguous and missing context. Very early on, the story felt whimsical/imaginary and that it needed explanation to help me feel like I know what's even happening.