Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20141027053552/@comment-24996913-20141028015340

Jay ten wrote: Well I really enjoyed reading this. Great use of turning a common setting into a disturbing situation, which you seem to have a knack for. I noticed a few little mistakes here and there, but nothing that really distracted me. I enjoyed the ambiguous ending (unless I missed something), but I do think it may be borderline on being too ambiguous for some readers. With my crazy mind, I have no problem cooking up bizarre assumptions, but some people prefer a little more indication. I wouldn't worry about this really, as it's not your job to spoon-feed the readers, I just wanted to throw it out there.

This definitely has a movie vibe to it for me, as I could see this adapting well to the screen. I think it could probably be extended at the end, but I pretty much always say that. I really don't see anything I would change from my perspective, but maybe just a little bit more indication would help if I'm looking from other reader's perspectives. Maybe Mr. Lancaster gives a little more insight into what her job will be (just a little). Or maybe he just throws a little comment in about his experience with the job, a little anecdote from when he first started?

I actually think I get what you were going for, that she is now in charge or luring people in to feed this thing? If I'm wrong, then maybe that's a sign that more indication is needed. I was hesitant to say what I thought, as I didn't want to look silly, but it's done.

As I said, I really enjoyed this one, and it's a great example of a story that lets your imagination run wild. I think it works great as it is, but I just had to throw my thoughts out there. I think people will enjoy this as is, so take all that I said with a grain of salt. Keep up the good work. I see an anthology on Amazon in your future : )

I have added like 10 paragraphs to the story to answer a bit more questions or smooth certain aspects that were abrupt. You are definitely correct with her assuming Mr. Lancaster's position. I thought how I ended it would creepy people out, as the lights went out again, indicating he was being eaten. Thanks for your feedback :)