Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25569708-20160501040823/@comment-24101790-20160503053148

Let's start with the minor nitpicking and then build up. "in July 1997 after a 2 week long joyride across Texas and Arkansas." Usually numbers lower than nine should be written out for a more formal feel. Usually this doesn't apply to monetary amounts and time.

"Lela’s son’s concerns stemmed from the fact that his eighty-three-year-old mother was showing signs of Alzheimer’s disease and was often confused at things, even at one time meaning to show up at a local Walmart for morning coffee at 10:30 a.m., but instead arriving at 10:30 p.m., perplexed at why the sun was not yet up." This sentence is a bit overly complex and could benefit from being broken into two sentences. I usually read stories aloud as a means of catching these issues.

"The numerous children between the two had become immensely worried for their elderly parents’ safety" could use a specific number as using numerous feels a bit vague. In a story based off of true events, these might be a catching point for the audience.

Remember if you're using a title, the punctuation should go outside the quotations unless it is directly quoted (Like the move "Them!"). So sections like: "“Fastball,", “The Way.”, “The Way,”, “All The Pain Money Can Buy,”, etc. should have those commas and periods outside of the quotations as they aren't actually part of the title.

With the lyrics, you can use this template around them to organize them into common format for verses: Lyrics. Doing that will make it appear like this rather than needing to be double spaced:

They made up their minds And they started packing They left before the sun came up that day

You may also want to cut the lyrics down to one or two sections that best convey the point rather than including them in their entirety as there's a bit of repetition with the refrain and it takes up a fairly large portion of the story.

Realism: I would include links to the sources covering them: I dug up this to drive home the real event. You may also want to link to the song to also connect the dots and give it a thoroughly researched aspect as well as make it easier for readers who want to look up the song. You can link to them in the story with this template: [URL Words you want to make a link]. Here's what it looks like when I linked the song: song.

Story: As you wrap up the section with your perspective on the end, you might want to include a quick blurb in the introduction to give it more of a framing feel to the inclusion of the author's/narrator's perspective at the end feels more natural. All in all, I think it was an interesting topic and the facts given alongside really drive home that these are real events. I really can't think of much more advice to give in this aspect since it's more of an emotional story and as a true story liberties really shouldn't be taken. Hope this helps.