Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27905100-20160505171337/@comment-28060931-20160506201527

Hello, this review is going to be rather short (longer than the first one) due to me not being the best critic, but anyway.

Firstly, the thing that stood out to me is how does the protagonist know that the shadow-men are hunting for people who know about them? I might be ignorant as to some detail, but I'm not particulary fond of the "they'll go looking for you if (blank)" I find this out of place because it seems random, even though I'm guilty of this myself on occasion.

Moving on, I think you should describe them more, while I'm familier with the shadow-people phenomenon, a concept relating to sleep-paralysis as I understand (if that is what your shadow-men are based off of), others might not be so familier.

Finally, I think you should change the ending: it just seems cliché because of the typical "demon is trying to kill me,I hope I survive the night,goodbye." I like the Lovecraftian "Fear of the Unknown" aspect of the story, but I feel like it should be improved.

I know that this was not much and you'll need someone like, Empy, the admin, to fully review this, but I hope I helped a bit.