Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34823985-20180506113215/@comment-35447404-20180506210013

It is interesting. I don't see many issues with the time travel theory as there are no inconsistencies that I could see inside the text. The reality he described is unpleseant and ugly, but it is not unbearable. "It" may be a threat, but I couldn't tell why or how threatening "It" was... There was an element of urgency lacking in the text, it is a bit too casual. The humor is ok, even people in the brink of death have been knwon to crack the ocasional joke (Mr. Voltaire's story always crack me up), but I couldn't detect any sense of dread or jeopardy in the speaker's "voice". The stakes seem too low.

Maybe if "It" has already done something horrifying and that is just the tip of the iceberg I would believe more in the speaker's desperate act. The premise is good, though, and I like the fact that the speaker knew exactly what he was doing, how he would do it, and what was in it for him. If the stakes for humanity are higher than just "we are being controlled and it's unpleasant", then it would be a great story.