Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25765494-20141126023810

I am looking for critiquing and editing. This is my first attempt at a creepy pasta. Some things I am worried about is the length. I am considering skipping where the group meets at the airport and moving on to the scene where they are in the van. Also I am a bit ify about how I tie in some of my plot elements. I am also concerned with my accuracy of portrayal of various scientific pursuits and how they are conducted, I am hoping an average reader would be able to not notice it in the same vane as a movie would portray such an event. Should I omit some parts of it? Are my characters too fleshed out (Was the 'pirate day' referance too much or out of place), or not fleshed out enough? As a last step I am looking for a title for this project.

I take much of my inspiration from Michael Crichton. It has been some time since I have written any story, several years in fact. I would go back and fix these fears of mine, but I have “over written” in the past. What are some areas I need to improve on, and what are some areas I excel at (if any). If this story doesnt work out, what would my writing style be best suited for? I am always hesitant of posting anything in general utizing my creativity for fear that it fails.



It was late summer and we have just arrived at the airport that night. I recently graduated collage with a degree in biology. My best friend's dad was a seasoned biologist who both inspired me and specialized in expeditions to isolated forested areas. To him discovering new species was second to nothing. The weirder the better. He was a fairly jolly and optimistic fellow, burly and wore glasses. He was also known to be able to hold his own at parties with the younger collage crowd. He made these trips every few months or so. Quite a lot of energy for an old timer. We will call him “Jim” This was my first trip.

We had a fairly young but diverse group with us., some of which I knew We took two planes to save on cost. Despite Jim being rather wealthy, he never took first class as he was rather frugal, unless the matter was for the well being of someone. We all took our luggage and met at the agreed placed.

When we stepped outside the airport building the others waved us over. “What took you so long?” one of our guides asked. “Aye! We had a bit of a late start there. Must have taken' off an hour after the flight was scheduled. You can never rely on flights these days”. Jim responded. “Well, were all ready Jim, so lets carry off.”

We were traveling via a shuttle to a large parked van, where we would drive a couple of hours to a river flowing into the thick of the forest. Our destination had several canoes prepared by the locals for us to travel within the depths. During the trip in the van I felt rather uneasy.

“M' boy, you do not look so well, are yuh sick?” Jim said. “Nah, I don’t feel sick, I think its just that it's my first trip out of the states so I am kind of nervous.” I was lying about the reason though. I felt something was off “Puhaha, I have been trips many times ol boy. There's really nothing to worry about. Come on, its talk like a pirate day! When we get off our boats were going to drink like pirates before we do any explor n'. Granted yall can all drink that is.”

A collective of reassurances and a few jabs at Jim from the crew erupted in the vehicle. “See, its going to be a good time!” Jim was a bit excited even for himself. He really loves these trips. “All right, but don’t eat all the food up like you do at parties. You do not need to be chubby like your cat. Seriously you give her too many treats.” Jim chuckled “One thing I learned a long time ago, you do not give a cat treats, you give them peace offerings!” Jim jokes were always kind of cheesy.

As the van drove on the amount of trees grew and grew as the sun started to shine. oon it was like we were in the middle of a Jurassic rain forest with the occasional structure dotted here and there along the winding road. We found our selves along the bank of a rather large river, with a dozen or so thatch roofed huts. A few locals darted out of the huts and gleefully greeted us.

One of the older locals approached Jim and spoke to him. I could not understand him. Jim responded in kind, but sounded a tad broken with it being dispersed here and there with uhs and ums. Despite this, the elder seem to understand Jim quite well. The two even exchanged jokes from what I could tell. Jim turned to the crew.

“All right guys were all ready, but were going to do a ritual first that brings us both good luck and a safe journey.” Jim motioned us over to a bond fire which was being set up. We all sat around it with a few of the locals with us. We were all handed a clay cup filled with a dark liquid and a necklace with agates was hung around all of our necks.

“Ok guys, what is going to happen is the sticks in front of us ae going to be lit from the bottom. When the top of the pile catches fire, we will all take a drink. Good times yall!” Jim instructed.

Just as he said, the large pile of wood was lit from the base and gradually reached the top. We all took a sip as soon the top was ablaze. The liquid tasted surprising good, both sweet and tart. Not unlike a tarter and fresher tasting pineapple juice.

We then gathered our belongings and equipment, and put them all on a few wide canoes. I felt a bit more uneasy. I was going on the canoe with Jim. Before we boarded Jim spoke with me. “Now then, remember its talk like a pirate day. So you will speak in kind. Do I hear an 'Aye capt n'?” I rolled my eyes “Aye aye captain!” “Aar! Good matey. Have yuh ever rowed a canoe before yuh land lubber?” I have no clue why he liked to speak like a pirate day, he really was terrible at it and I couldn’t care less to speak like one.

“Um, aye, you scurvy dog. When I was a was a wee lad I-” “Aaar! I will be take n' the lead then. Now cross the plank.” as he handed me a paddle. I knew given a few minutes he would forget about it.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">As we paddled on, the forest grew thicker and thicker and the plant life grew more and more diverse with each passing stroke. It was amazing. The beauty of it all took my breath away, or was that the seizing fear tightening its grip? As the canopy grew in size so did the humidity. It was simply sweltering and very uncomfortable. I could not understand how Jim could stand to go on these trips so ofter. But more over it was eerie.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Jim, have you been to these parts before?” I asked “No, not these exact ones at least. I have been all around this area but not in here. Locals say this area is filled with bad omens and such.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“You took me on my first trip to a extra dangerous part of the rain forest!?” I exclaimed

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Relax, ALL the locals say there neck of the woods is super spooky.” Somehow the way he said it was off. “Its not going to be any different from the other parts I have visited.” He reassured me. “How much longer to our destination, this damn heat is really getting to me.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“We can do another hour or so, then when a spot from there shows up, we will stop in and set up camp and pop open some brewskies.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Somehow time slowed down despite my complete awe in my surroundings. The forest closed in deeper and deeper as we paddled onward. Each moment I could not imagine the forest being thicker, but it found a way. After what seemed like an eternity, Jim finally decided to land somewhere on the shore.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">As we unpacked the canoes and brought them onto the bank, I noticed something I have failed to do so earlier. The amount of noise from the animals was bizarrely quiet. There was hardly the sound of a bird or the rustling of any bush from a creature moving in them. Even though I have never been to one, I knew from my studies the forest should be a constant noise an everything living within it.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">By the time camp was set up, the sun was already setting. Jim and a few of the other crew were getting out the beer.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Now then, before we open our first drink guys, I need to set some ground rules. First and for most, do not leave any trash in here, at all. Put them it in here.” Jim was holding up a bag. “Second, try not to get a hang over, we got a lot to do tomorrow. Third, have fun!” Jim opened a beer as he said the last word and it foamed all over his hands. We all cheered and dug into the festivities.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">The following day we all woke up within a few hours of each. The sun was just bright enough to pierce the canopy and I was drenched in sweet. It was a very warm night. I did not drink very much, as I felt uncharacteristicely uneasy, like I was being watched while sleeping.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Fred our insectologist was fumbling with some equipment outside his tent. He seemed to be the only one awake when I was. I walked over to him. “How did your night go? I had a hard time sleeping.” “Oh, well I didn’t sleep much. I am rather excited to see what insects we got in here. Seems to be mostly mosquitoes. I taking one out now and going to study the blood inside giving us a better picture of what animals live in here.” He said, all the while messing around with the insect catcher. “Oh I see, I wasn’t sure what that was at first”.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I grabbed a snack and waited for everyone else to wake up. One by one everyone awoken and last was Jim. Jim gave a big yawn and looked around as he exited his tent. “Ok, looks like everyone is awake and accounted for, so are yall ready to get your gear and start exploring?” We all collectively agreed and most of us headed out, leaving a few behind including the Fred.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I stopped at every chance I could to grab a sample of the plant life to take back with me to study. One of the crew, Greg, an archaeologist had a video camera with him. He was a good friend of Jim's and rather jovial, filming us and narrating it like we were exotic animals. After a few hours we came across an animal, or rather the corpse of an animal.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">It was a large rodent, with its entrails pulled through a small opening in its abdomen. There was little sign of any struggle. Jim looked over it and examined it closely. “What do you make of this Jim?” I asked. “This is not exactly something I have come across. Judging from what it appears, there wasn’t much of a struggle, if any, so its innards were likely pulled out after it died. I am guessing it died from either natural cases or internally from being sick. However I have never seen anything take the guts out of an animal in such a small hole like that. Its rather unusual. Make sure to take some footage of it so we can look further into it.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“You got it!” Greg said. We then traveled back to camp, where the others were waiting. Upon arrival Greg mentioned he was going to put the camera into his laptop to look over the footage with Jim.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">As I was walking back to my tent to inspect the plant samples, I noticed Fred was rather uncomfortable and distraught while looking through a microscope. I cautiously walked over. “Hey Fred. Whats up?” “Oh you guys are back, good good!” He said relieved. “Whats got you worked up?” I asked. “These mosquitoes, they, they transfer diseases from host to host.” My eye brow rose “Well ya, West Nile, triple E what is so unusual about that?” Fred looked up at me with what is probably the most frightened look I have ever gazed upon anyone. “No no, you see. I mean these mosquitoes can transfer things like AIDS from one person to another. It stores blood in its proboscis from one host to another and what its stomach only digests blood cells, not virus's, not bacteria, or anything else it might ingest. If these were to be able to move out of this place to more inhabited areas, it would be utterly disastrous!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">This was indeed alarming. Then a thought stung me. “Wait, Fred, have you noticed that there is very little animal sounds here?” “Yes, yes, why you ask?” He said as he was pressing his eye against the microscope. “Well now that I think about it, we didn’t see much wild life when we went exploring, save for a dead rodent.” “Mmm, that is odd” Fred stopped moving for a split second and then poped his head up and looked at me. “Wait! How did it appear to have died?” “Well were not entirely sure, but we think it was either of natural causes or- oh no!” “What what!?” Fred alarmingly said “Can you come with me?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Fred was best suited in determining if an animal dead due to complications of internal origins. Though he was most comfortable as an insectologist, he was studious in other forms of study, including microbiology and medicine. I was taking him to the tent where Greg and Jim were all the while explaining the condition of the rodent's corpse.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">As we entered the tent Greg turned his head from the computer and looked at me with a subtle strangeness. “What is it?” He parted a bit so I could see the screen, they proceeded to press a button and the animal was on it. However something was off about the footage.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“You said the specimen’s internal organs were outside of it, right? Fred mentioned. “Ya, they are.” I glanced closer at the screen “Or at least they were” The footage showed the same exact animal but the organs failed to show up. There was no mistake it was the same footage.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“I am not sure either man” Greg said. “Is this a prank?” I asked. “No man. At least not that I am aware of.” I glanced over at Fred. “You know I am not the type for jokes.” Fred said. I looked back at Greg. “Wheres Jim?” “He left the moment he got in here, grabbed his camera and trotted off. Said he going walking due east. Cant seem to keep that geezer down.” Greg explained.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“We need to leave this place immediately and tell the medical board!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“About the camera not picking some guts?” Greg inquisitively said. “No! Oh geez. Fred explain to him what you found, I am going to look for Jim.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I raced outside the tent and traveled due east just as mentioned. I eventually found my way to rather large cavern in the side of a rocky formation. Just inside I found Jim huddled down behind a boulder with his camera out. I walked over to him. “Jim what are you doing? We need-” Jim pulled me down next to him “Shhh! Look over there”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim motioned for me to look further inside the cave. At first I couldn’t tell what it was Jim was looking at, but as my eyes adjusted, I could make out several figures. They were somewhat large, maybe 2/3rds the size of the average person, bipedal animals. Some were slender while others were fatter. They barely moved, save for the occasional shuffle and slow movement of a body part from time to time. They stood uncannily still and made no noise.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I thought my eyes were having a difficult time getting used to the dark, but as I noticed the rocks near and far from them showing features, they did not. They were devoid of any facial features, no mouth, eyes, ears, nose, not even indents were it would suggest some would be. There limbs had no digits. The ends were rounded. The coloration of them was white with a tinge of pink not unlike an Olm. They were like living flesh dolls.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Around them lay the remains of a mutilated warthog. By the way they were standing around it, it suggested they did slaughtered the creature, but how? Despite this what little movements they made did not suggest they were moving toward it or away.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">These creatures gave me chills I have never felt before. I whispered to Jim “Hey, common, we really need you at the camp alright.” Jim whispered back “Ok, ok, I am going, but I am coming back” We both slowly got up and gingerly walked out as to not disturb them. A few steps out of the cave I looked back, but I think they were gone. It was probably just the light outside, but I could have sworn I was just able to see the warthog.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">While heading back we were both silent, like we saw something we should not have and did not want to mention it. We found our way back to camp and was greeted by our fellow members. “So you know what going on right?” Greg asked

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“About what?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Greg explained to him “Well for starters, somehow those guts we filmed from the rodent did not show up and we got some mutant mosquitoes buzzing around in this area”.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Mutant mosquitoes?” Questioned Jim

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Ya, that's putting it lightly. See if these things bite you and you have say, a common cold, the next person it bites will get that cold as well. And lets just say that transferring the common cold is the least of our worries with this guys. In short, we gotta leave and tell somebody this area is bad juju”.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Alright.” Jim answered “But I got to do some things first, plus our van wont be back for a few days.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“We cant stay here Jim” I told him. “Just a bit longer, maybe a day.” I glared at him “Jim!” “You saw those things in there!” He exclaimed. “What would YOU classify them as?” It was like he was challenging me. “I have no idea. I suppose they sort of resemble apes? Their freaky.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Standing upright? Little to no movement? No visible digits? Those weird, and I for one want to know what they are and show the world these fascinating animals.” Greg all the stood there with an increasingly frighted and awestruck face. It may have been what he was hearing or from the way Jim was acting. It was incredibly uncharacteristic of him. He would never place the well being of anyone in jeopardy.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“I am going to trap one and study it up close.” explained Jim

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“What? And how?” I asked

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“I don’t know. Maybe one of our larger cage traps. I am going to set it up at the base of the cave and leave it over night.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Are you nuts!? How do you even know they leave that place, There skin looks like it is devoid of melanin. And it looked like they took down a warthog! You could die!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“I'll be fine. Greg, take this and look through it, is has those things on it.” Jim handed Greg his camera. “I am grabbing a cage and heading out, don’t try to stop me!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">We both gave a sigh and looked at each other. “Ok then.” Greg said

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">We headed to the tent with the laptop. Fred was tampering with the footage of the rodent on the screen. Jim gave an annoyed look “Ahem”. Fred looked over at us “Mmm, yes?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“We got some more tape to look at from the big man himself. Pop this in.” Fred grabbed the disc from Greg and opened the tray. We waited a few moments for the computer to load the disc. Searching through the recording we found the part with the inside the cave. The warthog was visible as was the walls of the cavern itself, but nothing else was.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Greg said “I see the warthog, but where is those freaky things at?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I desperately said “They should be there, all around that corpse. You got to believe me.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Greg unquestionably answered “At this point I will believe anything. The sooner we leave, the better.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">The rest of the video failed to show the beings. The quiet uneasy feeling I felt at the beginning of the trip was now a screaming uncomfortable nagging. This was not somewhere I should be. This is somewhere none of us should be.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Just as we exited the tent, Jim made it back, running. Greg darted over to him. “Hey man, what going on, why you running!?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Panting Jim looked over at him smiling. “I just want to hurry up and get a beer!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Jesus man, don’t scare me like that, I thought you were being chased down or something!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I grabbed a beer and walked over to Jim handing it to him “Hey, I got to tell you. Those things didn’t show up on the cam.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim opened the can “Your kidding right!?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I shook my head. “Nope, didn’t show up at all.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim took a sip. “I didn’t think the cave was too dark. My camera can usually pick things when its that dark.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I sighed. “No, your camera was able to pick up the inside of the cave, including the warthog, but those things didn’t show up.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim looked somewhat frustrated “What!? You mean its just like the guts from that rat? None of these things in this place are photogenic I guess.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">That night I was restless until maybe the last few hours of darkness. I awoken by Jim yelling. I rushed outside my tent and off to the east I saw Jim dragging something behind him.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">He was ecstatic “Woo! Ya! I got one! I didn’t thing it would work, but I got it!” Did he really? I was dog founded. Sure enough as he came further into view and my adjusted from my slumber behind him was a change with one of the animals inside of it.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">The cage held inside one of the dollish creatures, in a somewhat cramped in a fetal position, moving ever so slightly. Jim and a few others from the crew rushed over to aid him. They set the caged creature inside one of the tents. “Man, that thing is even freakier than I imagined”.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim stepped outside the tent and walked over to Fred. “Hey, would you do some simple tests on that thing? I do want to harm it of course, just want to be able to jot down some info to bring back”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Uh ya, sure thing Jim.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Tell Greg to try and get some pictures of it to.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Ya, ya. Sure thing.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Later Jim and I sat around speaking to one another as I was studying the plant leaves I gathered. “So when exactly are we leaving?” “As soon as Fred is done with his tests and we release the thing back into the cave.” He spoke as he grabbed another beer.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Are you sure? Because if its not done soon, its going to be too late. We got to account for packing everything up and the time it takes to row back.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“We will be fine, there’s still six and half hours of day light.” He proceeded to sip on the beer.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Do you think Fred is done by now? Its been a while for 'simple tests'.” As I was jotting down some info in my journal.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Ya yer right. Lets go check in on him” Jim put down his beer and got up.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">We left the tent and entered the larger one where Fred was conducting the tests. Fred was sitting in a chair rubbing his face with an expression of panic. He looked at us. “We got to get out! These things defies modern concepts of explanation!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim looked at him. “Hey, I am all about animals that challenge modern thinking of what could be. That shouldn’t upset you, that should peak your curiosity.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Fred looked back at him “You do not understand. These things do not react to sensory stimuli of any kind. It lacks blood, does not breathe and it can not feel, smell, hear, see or even taste for that matter! And yet, it is able to track me as I walk around the tent, like it can sense me or something. I do not want to be in here with it any more! I do not want to be in this PLACE! I want to leave NOW!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I have never seen Fred this upset before. But this would not be the result of what he was explaining. There was more to it. I think he felt the same way I did. No one here was acting normal. We were all losing our sanity, maybe some of us already did.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim glanced at Fred with a reassuring fatherly look. “We are going leave alright. I am going to take the thing, open the cage, run back here, and leave, ok. You guys start packing up the gear.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">A thought darted through my mind. “Wheres Greg?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Hes with you guys isn’t he?” Fred said getting up from his chair.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I shook my head “No.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim squinted his eyes. “Oh no, no.” Something about the way he said it told me he knew more than he was letting on. “We got to find Greg before we leave. I am not leaving anyone behind. Help me find em.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim exited the tent and we were not far behind. We looked around the camp site. At first I wasn’t too concerned as I figured he was just in his tent, but after looking in it and several minutes passed, I grew increasing alarmed. What else could go wrong?

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">The longer I searched, the less I saw everyone else. I was growing fearful. No, I was completely scared. I felt completely vulnerable. In my desperation I looked back into the testing tent, hoping at least one of them there. Nobody was inside. Worse yet, the creature was gone to. The cage didn’t even look like it was opened.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I was panicking at this point. I wasn’t sure what to do. I could not think straight. For some reason I went to the cave. Maybe Jim grabbed the creature and walked to the cave? Maybe everyone in the camp followed him? Who knows!?

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Upon reaching the cavern, I did not see anyone. I did take note that the sun was setting. Something on the outside wall of the cave caught my eye. There was what appeared to be some letters carved in the stone, partially covered by moss and dirt. I cautiously went up to it, checking if anyone of those creatures were around. None were, not in the cave, not outside it either.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I moved the moss and wiped away the dirt. The writing made my spine fill with uncontrollable chills.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“They only go as far as those who see them. They can not go further, but they will follow you until you stop. They make no sound, but you are already dead.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">I backed up from the carving in absolute fear. When my sight encompassed the inside of the cave, some of the creatures were mere feet in front of me. They were not moving, just standing there, bodies turned toward me. I darted away from the cave back in the direction of the camp. As I ran I found Jim. He was laying on the ground, coughing with his back toward me.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Jim? He did not answer. “Jim!?” He let out a garbled cough “JIM!?” I turned his body on his back to see him. What I saw was shocking.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">His torso was sliced open, and he was pale, lacking blood. “Jim what is going on!? I am scared!”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Jim let out a cough with a bit of blood. “Hey, uh, I messed up bad.” Another weaker cough erupted. “I lied to you guys, and its my fault.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“What?” I said alarmed.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Ya, I lied.” He made an attempt to cough again but was unable. “You know that ritual thing we had with the locals a few days ago?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Ya” I said to him

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Well, it wasn’t for good luck or some crap like that. It was so we could not make it back to them.” He took a staggered breath. They would not allow us to proceed other wise.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“What? Why?”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“Because they did not want these things to find them. They are of the forest itself, and all the creatures inside of it are of it as well. They said they can only go as far as their prey goes after seeing them. I didn’t believe them, thought it was a local superstition. Villages are full of them.” He grunted in pain.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“I guess this one was for real though. That fire, let me tell you. The logs to them meant trails or passages to safety, or in their case, back to the village. The fire was there to rid of all those paths, locking us away from them.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“But what happened to you?” Tears were flowing down my cheeks.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">“I saw some of them ahead of me, and turned away for a moment, and then something cut me open.”

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">A deep sense of something watching filled me. I looked over my shoulder and there they were. Just behind me, standing there. I glanced back to find Jim, with his neck slit, dead and one of the creatures standing just in front of me, moving ever so slightly. I dropped Jim's body and ran as fast as I could through the thick jungle.

<p style="margin-bottom:0in;">Soon I found the corpse of Fred, Greg and the rest of the crew. Each time I saw them more and more fear filled my body. Soon I had no clue where I was running. The sun was down and night was upon me. As I run the jungle grows thicker and darker. Every turn I make, there is one of them standing, waiting. Every dead end I am met with one of these beings waits at the end. Day never came. I am trying to escape the forest, but I am just running deeper and deeper into it. I left out the location and clues so no one can find this place, no one should ever find this place. <ac_metadata title="An expedition to the jungle (Not official title)(first pasta)(Unreviewed)"> </ac_metadata>