Talk:8/31/12 2:36 AM Nightmare 3

Constructive criticism.
MeTieDoughtyWalker (talk) 04:13, September 3, 2012 (UTC)Constructive Criticism: P01

I think you have an interesting idea with this story and I like how you wrote some of it but there are some problems.

In the last paragraph the character wakes up and writes down the dream then at the end of the story the character wakes up again. "Anyways, I woke gasping for air, clenching my pillow, drenched in tears, and sweat. I'm such a pathetic fool. So says Soledad. " The sentence seems out of place, it brakes up the narrative. I think it would work better if this sentence was placed before the character writes down the dream. Because as it is the events are not in chronological order and the character waking up is a emotional part of the story and moving ahead and skipping back to it breaks the emotional tension. I have moved the sentence to where I think it should be but I think its important you understand why I changed it so you can do better in the future.

There are some parts in the story that are confusing. I have clarified them to the best of my abilities but in some places I just couldn't figure out what you meant. For instance: " It spoke in a language I could not decipher, as if it never existed " I assume you mean the language never existed but I don't know what you mean by that.

Finally, who is Soledad? It is fine if you don't explain it right away as long as you explain it at some point in the story. Right now I'm left wondering if he is the demon or a friend or some individual that the character respects.

I assume you mean to write more of this story, if not, please be aware that these events are out of context. I don't know who the character is, why they have these dreams or what they have done to deserve the punishment they are receiving.