Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35280243-20160206000728/@comment-26007602-20160208214329

I actually did get an older feel from the story, so you succeeded on that front, but I don't really think it's necessary. That may be my own personal preference, but I think it comes off as slightly "pretentious" (for lack of a better word) in it's wording. Maybe ask some other users for their thoughts? It might be a personal preference, but I dislike how it's worded. I'd personally stick to a more clear and modern style, but it's ultimately your choice. What's the story's time period? That can help make a decision.

The story isn't a wall of text, but I think the paragraphs could be broken up a bit more. Some of your paragraphs are just rather large. As long as you're in source mode, you just need to hit "enter" twice and it should create a new paragraph with a line of space in between the paragraphs.

I don't fault you for asking what you did right; I seem to have only focused on the negatives in my post. I tend to do that. I think the overall storyline is decent, but could do with more explanation and slowing down. It moves fairly fast from event to event, with no real downtime in between events. This is especially true when he starts getting the letters: the story moves far too fast after he gets the first one.

I see that I've turned a compliment into a criticism. I'll give you props for writing in present tense, as that's hard to do correctly, and you generally stick to the correct tense throughout the story. I'll also give you props for wanting to improve your story and knowing how to take criticism; there are some here that simply can't do that. I like the idea of the maze of passageways, but again, feel you could do more with it. Where do they lead? What horrific images and beings lie down the corridors? What sounds does the narrator hear beyond the passageways? Just some ideas.

I'm pretty sure it's common etiquette here to either edit and update your original post or post a comment here. I'll try and help as much as I can, but as you can tell from the delayed response, it might take awhile. If you're expecting more feedback than mine, then I'd reach out to other users rather than expect them to comment on their own.

Best of luck!