Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4849011-20160816012054/@comment-29598598-20160816031743

Hi, Raidra. This story was a bit of a treat to read. It's not too often you see stories that have a specific theme such as yours. I found the idea to be very unique. There were a couple small issues I noticed while reading the story:

The sentence "One scientist conducted an experiment in teleportation, but apparently something went horribly wrong during testing." has nothing to follow it up. What exactly happened in this instance? Stating that something went "horribly wrong" warrants at least a brief description as to what that something was. It is strange to emphasize that about an event and not say anything about it.

When you say that "the aphasia program was stolen", what exactly do you mean? How exactly did the program itself get stolen? Did you mean that there was some sort of source code which would allow the holder to broadcast the aphasia causing signal?

Other than that, the story stuck very well to the theme of "50's Horror B-Movie": it was slightly corny but not to the point where it was completely silly. This does sound a lot like a plot to a horror/sci-fi movie from the 50's. Overall, I'd say you did very well and remained quite faithful to your theme.