Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26220663-20150922034828/@comment-26475800-20150922041129

Okay, well this needs tons of work. Most of this was seemed like an incoherent rant about a movie put out by Disney? Am I close to it.

Truthfully, I would scrap this idea, but if you want to fix it up there are a lot of things you should look for.

First, you used about ten periods throughout the entire story, not everything can be fine with a comma. Also, on a grammatical note, you have to capitalize your "I"s. It doesn't matter that they aren't in the beginning of a sentence, it is a proper noun. There are times where you put words and whole sentences which just repeat themselves after a sentence that said either the exact same thing or close enough to it. You omitted words and made up a few new ones. Not to mention added words that have no place in the sentence at all.

The story is riddled with Cliches, and some blacklisted items. It also falls flat with plot and ending.

The most helpful thing I can do is lead you to these pages:

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Quality_Standards

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Writing_Advice

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Writing_Advice

If you really want to get published I suggest you read what these guys have to say.