Talk:Lyeford, West Virginia

This was decent. The beginning reminded me of Ichor Falls. When I started reading, I thought, "Oh god, it's Ichor Falls. Let's wait for the Stillwood King and Oppossum Society". But then you really surprised me with originality! While I think you could've handled the overall narrative better, I still like this for reasons I don't entirely understand.

The Lilly Lyeford disappearence could've been handled better. She could've thought she was gone for an hour, and hadn't ever left the clearing, or really anything other than a 'circle of light'. That's one of the most common problems with pastas (and fiction in general): under-or over-explaination. You need to let on just a little bit of what the hell just happened.

Mad Jack was good. It reminds me of something I just can't put my finger on.

The bit with the cult was also good, however, it felt a lot like The Shadow Over Innsmouth. I really doubt that the Christian townspeople would join an insane cult so easily. Even if the changes were introduced slowly, over time, people would soon realise, "Holy shit, this is fucking insane!" and get a real priest in there. You can't even pull an Innsmouth on this one, because this guy only has a cult of purely human followers and that old lady's ghost. Also, the final paragraph seems a bit incoherent.

After reading the whole story, I still couldn't make sense of it. It seems like a bunch of unconnected story ideas that were quickly thrown together and only connected by the setting. But for some damn reason, I love it. 7/10. Kingtiger666 09:38, March 6, 2012 (UTC)