Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25226916-20141230202648/@comment-25170312-20141230220243

Okay, I admit, I don't get it. What does the last line mean?

The protagonist seems to be half-telling a story, saying things like "no pun intended". Is it internal dialogue or narration? It should stick to one. If it's internal dialogue, cut down on the similes.

There's a lot of weird use of punctuation and sentences that should be joined together or split up.

''Lovely. Doctor just came into my room and said my fever has spiked. I've had this shit disease for three fucking weeks '''now. Why''' hasn't it gone away? I'm fucking sick of 'it -- '''no pun intended.  ^ here I changed 3 to three, made "Why hasn't it gone away?''" its own sentence, and joined the last two sentences together. Just an example. The beginning isn't really correct (Lovely. Doctor...) but I'm not sure what to do with it without changing what you were going for.

I would also change the word "vomitizing" as it isn't an actual word. Though, it is in the urban dictionary, lol.

There's some typos but I'm sure you'll see them if you read through it again. As for a review of the story itself, I really don't know what to say because I didn't understand what "YOU CURED THE WRONG ONE" meant. Maybe I'm just derpy. I wasn't crazy about the way the protagonist talks, though.