Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24303740-20140605172803/@comment-24821182-20140605174350

The paragraphs need further splitting. Particularly, you're supposed to start a new one when person B says something in response to person A, so it's easier to tell who is saying what.

You should never have more than one exclamation mark after a sentence, and the same goes for question marks. You also use too many ellipses; remember that they're meant to be used sparingly, and they aren't reliable at creating ambiance on their own.

As for the story itself, it didn't draw me in, and I don't think the grammatical errors and misspellings are entirely to blame for this. The story is about a multi-millionaire, who refuses to donate to people in need, and then he gets a supernatural premonition of things to come and (supposedly) changes near the end. It's like "A Christmas Carol" without the substance, depth, or three-dimensional characters.

If you work harder on it, I'm sure you can take the concept and do something really cool with it, but as it is now, I don't think it's very good. If you plan to update the story, I'd be glad read on as you improve it and offer you feedback.