Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25014870-20140707115820/@comment-24352864-20140707124718

First things first: Spelling, grammar and punctuation are your friends. Use them. The whole thing is littered with technical errors that may warrant immediate deletion.

Technical aspects aside, I don't think I really like it. The whole job interview proceedings was unnecessary. You could just mention that you saw the Mystery man during a job interview without the need to go into the details.

The whole part where he goes to the parent's house wasn't too good to me. Most of the words just detail grotesque scenes and some pointless gore. The whole bit about trying to create a "Mystery man" by finding body pieces that doesn't feel pain (which is rather stupid if you ask me) isn't really explained well.

At the end part, how will he find his parents if judging from the files, they're already dead? The plot felt too rushed, littered with plot holes and pointless gore that it's not really good.

No offense but, I think the story doesn't really go anywhere. Hopefully other reviewers can provide some more tips to improve it.