Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36552279-20180814184417/@comment-24101790-20180814190856

There are a lot of errors here so I'm going to focus on the main issues that were frequently repeated throughout the story instead of every issue present. Areas where I use etc. indicate there are multiple instances of this issue present throughout the rest of the story.

Capitalization: You have a tendency to capitalize words improperly ("I always thought that a Black Cat will give you bad luck, but what about the White cat, maybe the luck will be different.") or randomly capitalize words in the middle of a sentence: " I put on my slippers on And I ran as fast as I could' the walls in the room was viciously scratched, The closer I got to the cat, the angrier he seemed I took it quickly He scratched my hands, I screamed from pain, I was cut off on my leg because of the glass, I felt down, My whole body was bleeding badly, and Nero just walked away from the room like nothing was happen." (This is also a run-on sentence that needs to be broken up into multiple sentences.), "my cat Nero became more angry with the time, He did a lot of problems in my house, He broke my dishes, He scratched the walls, and He even stopped to associate with Alba.", etc.

Capitalization cont.: You also forget to capitalize the start of multiple sentences: "together. the black cat was a male and the white cat was a female.", "surprising. it also seems that my cats were not comfortable at home...", "house. the house was nowhere to be found, and it looked rickety from the outside.", etc.

Punctuation: There are a number of times where you forget to use apostrophes to denote possession ("it had ten big rooms and a long hallway and the upstairs bedroom.") and forget to use punctuation to indicate in sentences: "I moved to Chicago, after days of searching for a vacant house I found a big private house.", "I searched all over the house(,/.) I went to the upstairs and I noticed to a big bookshelf"

Punctuation cont.: You forget to use punctuation before dialogue. "I could not keep it in my mouth and I said(,/:) "What the fuck is that?"", "I went to the hallway and I saw my cat Nero at the corner of the hallway just staring at me and said(,/:) "Meow".(punctuation goes inside quotations)", etc.

Wording: Awkward wording: "A few months later I decided to move a house, you see, my house was very old and falling apart and all its walls peeled off, I lived in Detroit so it wasn't surprising", "the house was nowhere to be found, and it looked rickety from the outside.", "When I entered the house it looks (looked) much better inside it had ten big rooms and a long hallway and the upstairs bedroom.", "I closed the white and I moved to the black door, It was pretty that my black cat Nero will be there.", etc. I would suggest reading your story aloud to catch instances that come off as awkward or need revision to run smoothly.

Run-on sentences: "I mean sure, there was sometimes noises such as creaking and other various my cats also making sometimes strange sounds but, it was to be expected with a house of its age and also the house was made of woods so that makes sense with all these creaking noises", "After a few days when my injuries recovered completely I woke up, I went to the hallway and I saw my cat Nero at the corner of the hallway just staring at me and said "Meow".", etc.

Story issues: The story could use a lot more fleshing out to make it less generic (there are a number of 'mysteriously cheap houses on the market that turn out to be spooky' in creepypastas that it's a bit of a trope). Lines like: "I suspected a little at that moment, but I did not really think about it." don't really add much to the story when you fail to explain what they suspect and why they decided to go through with their decision anyway.

Story issues cont.: This also feels like you spent very little time proof-reading it and wrote it in a single sitting. Lines like: "on the other hand, my white cat was calm and completely silent. I tried to calm him down but nothing worked He (he) just continued to growl for about a ten minutes." Given that you're mentioning the white cat being the calm one, you should alter the sentence so it brings audience focus back on the black cat before continuing the story. Another example of this is: "my cat Nero became more angry with the time (sic), He did a lot of problems (sic) in my house, He broke my dishes, He scratched the walls, and He even stopped to associate with Alba (I think you mean stopped associating with Alba, which is still awkwardly worded, but makes more sense in the story.)."

There is also quite a bit of redundancy/repetition: "The first door was black, it was almost black as Nero, and the second door was white. It was a rather strange coincidence because I had a black and a white cat" You already stated the animals' fur color before so it comes off as repetitive to re-state those things twice in a back-to-back sentence.

All in all, this needs quite a lot of work. You have a tendency to repeat these issues in your previously deleted stories as well so I would really work on proof-reading and catching these mechanical/plot issues. There are frequent tense shifting issues, punctuation, capitalization, awkward wording, run-on sentences, and plot issues. It currently doesn't meet quality standards for the site and needs a lot of revision.