Talk:Mammal Music/@comment-25170312-20150619225622

Too much of this is just telling us what happened. No connection is made between what's happening and the reader. You don't give us much to relate to in terms of how this is truly affecting the protagonist. If you are going to go the disturbing video route, you have to either be original or get the reader to connect emotionally with the protagonist. The music angle was a little different, but wasn't enough to justify the lack of any real story or character development. You also used the really tired cliche of warning the reader.