Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5497846-20151124204745/@comment-26326346-20151130180020

I recommend removing all mention of the animals and people going missing and focusing on the vomiting of objects. The vomiting of objects in and of itself is scary enough and should be the focus of your story, in my opinion.

I also think it would be best for you to change the ending a bit. Having the girl come visit him in the hospital seemed forced and out of character for the girl. She had passed it on and had no reason to visit him, in fact, she had every reason to not visit him, lest he pass it back on to her. Perhaps instead of trying to kill himself, the main character is admitted to the hospital because of the objects cutting up his insides and during his stay he realizes what he must do and ends up passing it on to someone at the hospital?

Those are just suggestions, don't feel compelled to change the story. At the very least, you should fix the grammar problems the Empyre pointed out if you haven't done so.