Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34853659-20180913215844/@comment-36627132-20180914030834

I'm going to be honest with you, this story isn't salvageable.

Dialogue should be in seperate paragraphs.

The story is filled with awkward wording and grammar issues.

As for the plot itself the story is not scary, the police act unrealistically, and the murderer turns out to be a cartoonish monster (demon?) which causes Canada to almost be nuked and can only be ridded of by putting candles around (which he politely allows someone to do) and having "Priests, Bishops, Buddhist Monks and even the Pope and Dalai Lama" do a ritual which opens literal Hell where a bigger demon-monster emerges, pulls this monster back in, and just leaves instead of comign out and doing worse damage.

The whole thing feels like a Trollpasta (which are still banned on this site, mind you). Even if it wasn't intended to be, someone might mistake