Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26027963-20150327185553/@comment-25947144-20150327192429

This one is different from the first somehow, but... you made a little mistake with twelve year old. Twelve years old kids simply don't talk like this and they aren't so interested in ice cream. And you jumped from daddy and ice cream to Sherlock Holmes

P.S. You know too much to live "BA- pull it right there! That letter had a micro-gun atached to it or am I missing something? Also the letter itself doesn't explains to much. If I'm thinking better, maybe you should keep the first version and just change the last words to be just short and creepy. I hope this helped.