Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29015383-20160712171950/@comment-24101790-20160714084538

Generally listed items get punctuation "56(.) / 57(.) / 58(.) 59(.)" if they're present in the story and part of the narrative.

"silently mouthing each second that passed by while keeping one eye on the dark window on (of) his monitor." avoid re-using words multiple times in the same sentence (on for example).

"The chat erupted in laughter and bot related" Bot-related should be hyphenated as it's a compound word.

"He had the practiced voiced (voice) of a public speaker." Practiced voiced is likely a typo.

"With wide eyes of terror she stared at the camera and the Host" Wide eyes of terror feels awkward. especially since "wide-eyed, terror stricken face" is used later in the story. I would change the description in the former to cut back on re-stating and to fix the fact that it is a description that doesn't flow too well when read aloud.

“24 (Twenty-four) years old and in the prime of her life!” The number needs to be written out as it starts a sentence and sentences need proper capitalization.

"first to 5, then 3 and finally only one full name and adress (address) remained" and "Daniel stared at the address (sic) and felt an elated grin creep back on his face."

I agree with a lot of Christian's opinions about the story, some of which it seems like you're putting into effect so I'm not going to get too into the story aspect other than saying that you do a good job of balancing the violence and description. It doesn't feel too splatter house, but it implies what is happening.