Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-6822927-20180929204149

Here is what I currently have so far for Eyeball Jack. I actually think I've done a fairly decent job with this so far. Go ahead and critque it.

'''“Good evening, and welcome to the 12:00 news. Our top story; police have discovered yet another victim of the serial killer Eyeball Jack in the early hours of the morning. Sources claim the victim was a white female between the ages of twenty and eighteen, who is currently unidentified. Police are reaching out for anyone to come forward with information.”'''

Click.

'''Off went the little electric box. Didn’t need the attention seeking mongrels of mass media distracting me from my precious work. '''

'''They were wrong, as usual. She wasn’t twenty or eighteen. No, she’d been seventeen when I killed her and took her beautiful eyes. A lovely shade of hazel mixed with brown. Exquisite.'''

'''Her name had been Brenda Sullivan. Still in high school, thinking about applying for college. She wanted to be a writer. Wasn’t half bad from what I’d seen. Now she’d never get to finish her story. Served the whore right. The way she displayed her sex appeal for every young, upstanding man to see was not something I could tolerate any longer.'''

'''Though, at least I had a copy of her work to read in my spare time. Ah, Brenda, why couldn’t you have been a good little girl and ignored your inner whore? I had seen so many women give into their carnal desires and celebrate their sensuality in the most provocative and disgusting ways, engaging in intercourse with either gender. Such filth pervades modern society like a virus. And Brenda had been, like all her gender, an infection that carried it.'''

'''Her floating orbs stared into my face, accusing me with all the power they had, from within their jar. Not that I cared. They looked so pretty next to the other five jars. Ah, how I enjoyed falling asleep in their presence, knowing they were watching over me. My beautiful artwork, incomparable in all things.'''

'''I doubt those idiotic police would ever catch me. They’d failed for so long that foolishness was a term they had long since outdone and redefined.'''

'''But for now, I prepared to sleep, so that I could dream of those big beautiful orbs, once more full of life, surrounding and staring into me within a dark void. Only those orbs.'''

To admire one’s work and feel true satisfaction of it was always a relief, especially in my dreams.

'''A dream which only grew as I claim more eyeballs. And those eyeballs were in whores who didn’t need them. Why would anyone mourn such a waste to society?'''  