Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25270738-20140926094606/@comment-24996913-20140926102139

One thing I see immediately are the grammar issues. Because you said your first language is not English, I totally understand as mine is not either. I will say the way you posted the story is sort of a hassle to read. It's like four little boxes and you have to scroll to the right to see the rest of the text. That right there is enough for any viewers to be turned off by. I would suggest fixing it so that the text appears how I'm writing right now aka in paragraph format.

I will also add there are numerous run on sentences that could easily be fixed by placing a period at the end of a complete sentence. You sort of ramble on, forgetting that basic grammar no no.

I also see quite a few capitalization issues aka "i" instead of "I" I haven't made it through the story quite yet as the structure of it is irritating to navigate through. I hope this helps a little.