Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34823985-20180319132312/@comment-9041013-20180325233813

Alright, the second part/draft/whatever was definitely better plot wise, but it's still kind of all over the place. For example you blur the line between Carl's thoughts (Dr Smug etc) and the narrator's narration, which is kind of confusing and it kills the suspence.

While the madness within madness within madness with a dream of madness madness madness thing is cliche'd and meh, buuuuut, your nonechelant tone made it work for me. Like I was enjoying it and then came this line, "She's right Carl, I'm dead" that killed me with how sick that was. You are playing with the pratagonist's head, you are playing with the readers' heads (He's mad, nah he's not, oh wait he is... or maybe not... or maybe yes... *wink*) and you're loving every single moment of it. Because the borderline comedy tone of this sentence, it's like you don't care.

Jokeresque behaviour.

dundundun