Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26369660-20150504175700/@comment-26007602-20150504182207

I think the fact that you had to explain the story is a big indicator of one of the problems. You see, there's no indication that the figure attacking the kid is Sebastian. Yes, he is registered to live there, but that could be a fake name or something else. The place is haunted, who lived there prior isn't always important. You could give Sebastian a scar or something to make him recognizable to the reader. The cleaning up that Sebastian does after murdering the dude isn't implied either; although you the writer knows that happened, there was no indication to the reader that Sebastian mopped up and went to hell.

The reason this story got deleted, I believe, is that the character telling it is dead. That's a big problem. How can he give a first person past tense account if he's dead? You say that this story was written based off photos on a phone, but that makes no sense. Why would someone see these pictures and write a first person account of an event they weren't there to experience? It's confusing and nonsensical. I'd let our protagonist survive or write this in present tense.