Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-3563804-20190119214558/@comment-36627132-20190120175415

Solonor1987 wrote: Umm  I corrected it  Scriben doesn't find any other errors because it tell me  that it doesn't find it anymore ,  you can copy and paste it it will not find errors. In response to your now deleted reply, I'm going to break this down.

First off, there are still random tense swaps. This especially includes using "says" instead of "said".

Second, you've neglected to create new paragraphs when there are different characters speaking

Third, you still have commas where periods should be.

Fouth, at various times you forgot spaces after secondary quotation marks (i.e. "'him?'waiting" "Wood Cutter,'he says")

Fifth, there are quite a few paragraphs that should be cut down a bit.

Sixth, there are many -s, -ed, and periods missing throughout the story.

Seventh, the story still has random capitalizations.

Now for specific problems.

"classes was boring" should be "classes were boring".

"What the hell its that?" should be "What the hall is that?"

"and disturb the classes" should be "and disturbed the class" (which quite frankly isn't right either because grammar!)

"A problem mister Hamilton," is missing a question mark.

"The class then continue" should be "The class then continues"

"'Are you crazy young man, it's a library here!'I look up to the woman and see that the boy vanished" not only is the dialogue awkwardly worded but you forgot the space after the last quotation mark, and you never describe which woman so therefore "the woman" is ambiguous.

"looking at me when I got pale" would be better worded if it were "looking t me as I grew pale."

"I just encounter a boy" should be "I just encountered a boy."

"he says to me as I look at him, and says" is a redundancy and poorly worded.

"My friend then take me" should be "My friend then took me"

"I still look at the boy on the picture" should be "I look at the boy in the picture."

"helped his father with the chores that he do" is awkwardly worded.

As for the plot, it is still kind of flat. We have seen many of these get-haunted-then-resolve types many times before. In addition, the story of the Wood Cutter's origins is reminiscent of Jeff the Killer (bullied kid because feared killer who kills his parents).