Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33135370-20180819022510/@comment-9041013-20180820114429

Ugh too cliche, too cliche.

It's like a Ma Name's Jeff, Supernatural edition. random scary humanoid monster shows up, does spookie things and then boom "oh its a demon"

That just does not work.

Here's what you should do... make her seem like a normal kid for a while, perhaps blurting out some things she shouldn't to only then try to go "Oh it's because..." making her seem just a tad bit weird, slowly transform her into a demonic creatures in character with her doing some creepy things like "accidentally" killing an animal while playing hide and seek with the sisters or some other outdoor activity in a scene where you could write them down as showing up to her side once she's done the killing.

Make her cause weird phenomena with her presence alone, like making the electronics go wild for a moment, or bringing out slight changes in weather, gusts of wind, clouds, something like that.

Her demon famous should be less the typical red goat faced demon thing and more of a I don't know, disfigured human face... as a sign of the torture she underwent in hell. Give us some greasy details about it. Sure, devil face would be scary, but I'd have to see it in person to get bothered by such a thing.

Also, some francophone accent could do her justice, as "Sophie" is a French name and she had been to hell for hundreds of years by your accord.

Maybe also close off the whole story by her opening a piece of hell in the girls' house and burning their whole family in boiling feces.

Also, take up on the advice of RedNovaTyrant, try to keep the humans' physics realistic.