Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28088262-20140626213841/@comment-9967354-20140701143625

Well, it was pretty good. The ending, however -while I know you were trying to convey your point more effectively- was rather clichéd. This is pretty much how most stories with a character who had lost his marbles end. This could have been done in a more subtle way. You could have left it at 'a man walked by. How exciting.' And only one exclamation mark, please. I don't know what I have against too many, but it ruins the build-up for me. Maybe you could just put that down as a statement. There somehow happens to be more expression in a statement.

Also, you should probably condense the chase. At times like these, a person doesn't ponder long. You're in the peril of your life. Get to the point.

Other than that, and I said this before, it's well-written. Sort of long for a story with a simple plot, but that's okay.