Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44922127-20200124174616/@comment-26399604-20200128152407

Hi Burzum,

I wanted to point out a few things I noticed after reading your story. It's labeled as your first and so I wanted to provide some constructive criticism to help you grow as a writer.

1) Trim the unnecessary fat.

With writing, you want to hook the reader at the start in some capacity, whether it be an intense scene, a conversation, or in this story's case, a monologue introduction to the character. With your first paragraph, it's a bit redundant. It really can be summed up to: "I was the type who preferred to be alone. I loved my friends and family, but I preferred solitude."

That's a very rough version but it gets the point across. The rest is either irrelevant or redundant. The second paragraph adds to the setting, which bring me to my second point.

2) The Setting.

It sounds obvious, but it's quite easy to overlook the setting. This gives us a sense where the character is. Without it, we're left to believe they are floating around in a white void. It can be tricky though as too much information about the setting can bring the story to a crawl. We just need a few elements to give us an idea what's around the character.

Now, your story does provide that information. The character lives in a house off the shore, facing the sea. The backyard is to the mountains. Also, the area experiences frequent rain showers.

However, setting isn't just what you see, it involves all the senses. You mentioned the area being isolated. You could describe how utterly quiet it is, absent of any sound. Or perhaps, all that can be heard are the sweet noises of nature--birds, critters, the waves of the sea, raindrops, etc. There's also the feeling. Does the character feel like eyes are always pressed on them? What do they smell? Etc..

All these little tidbits can really give an idea where the character is and what they feel. The can also provide a sense of the mood/tone of the story.

3) The Mood/Tone

Your last paragraph contains the pay-off for the setup. It's a basic setup, but it is effective: A Character prefers isolation, but experiences a horrifying event in it.

You need to spend a little more time with the strange encounter. It's briefly stated that the character is a little creeped out but when it comes to the "pay-off" you want to make sure you really sell the experience otherwise you risk wasting the reader's time. How often have you read a great story only to be disappointed by its ending? As important as the "hook" or intro of you story is, the conclusion has greater weight. In the setting section, I mention a variety of things that can assist. This is a great way to setup a baseline to how things occur normally.

Birds chirp, wind blows, the water can be heard -- if you provide the norm, it helps setup or even foreshadow why "the strange event" is so un-nerving. Imagine, if one bright sunny day, the character doesn't hear a single element of nature throughout it, just pure silence. That would clearly set them on edge, and places the reader in their shoes because we know what normally happens.

This sets the tone--or in this case-- changes it. Its' a great way to build suspense and foreshadow the events to follow. For example, the character is already un-nerved but now the sun has set, so it's dark everywhere. Then, to make matters worst, pink lights suddenly just appear. Again, you can play with the setting: do the lights even make a sound? Are they blinding? Aside from just being there, you can make the unnatural break its own rules. Do they even reflect off the water?

It's your creation. The sky is the limit!

In closing, writing isn't easy but I find it to be a fun challenge that can always be improved and honed. I'm still growing as a writer too. It's a field like any that requires thick skin, but you have to be passionate and hungry in order to be better.

Happy writing!!

Side Note: I wasn't sure if the story was finished or if the cliffhanger was intentional. If isn't finished, I hope you find what I provided useful. If not, it is a bit confusing because the last paragraph starts off as a recollection but the story ends as a cliffhanger as if it is currently happening which defeats the purpose.