User blog:Alstinson/Critiques

Welcome Fellow Critics, to my analyzing of the dark and the lesser dark of the internet, mostly lesser dark because that's entertaining and hilarious. The following is a collection of Critiques I have made in the past. I'm thinking of continuing to produce these, and I definitely wanted to reupload in blog form. If new should appear, I will put in double effort to maintain grammar quality, feel free to laugh at my old work...

for the comedy I wrote!

The Rugrats Theory
Welcome, Fellow Critics! Let's talk about theories. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30KfPtHec4s No! Not that kind of theory! It's ENTERTAINING, EDUCATIONAL and INTERESTING! I am talking about the opposite. Fan Theories!

While debatable, whether or not these theories actually are a genre of Creepypasta, they have the definition. "Frightening writing designed to SHOCK and UNNERVE you". Fan theories depict a fan's crazed explanation of dark meaning hidden in an otherwise innocent show, mainly kids shows. They seem like the equally evil twin brother of the Lost Episode genre, as their goal is to make creepy connections to elements of the show, and ruin the value of the show for the reader. And here is one that is interestingly brutal, and mountainously stupid, The Rugrats Theory.

The Rugrats Theory, like many theories, is interested in the idea of ruining your childhood! Oh, refer toCollegehumor, you babies! Speaking of babies, here's how it works.

The connections made are that the babies are dead, and merely Angelica's hallucinations, other characters are effected by the reality on their own accord. I know, that, that REALLY doesn't make sense. If you want to actually try and make the theory work, you'd think they'd explain it so that, even if it is crazed, makes SOME sense. Well... they try? Here is their... "explanation".

Tommy was a stillborn, and outside Angelica's hallucination, his Dad makes toys for the baby he still believes due, in his denial.

Well, that, KINDA explains something. But honestly it is more of a STRETCH. If he is a toy inventor, he would be inventing toys regardless of the baby being alive or not. This element to the theory might have worked better, if he was really sensitive around his toy making, to the point of traumatic tears, but he clearly isn't. It's comical when he gets upset, and his discomfort is mild at best.

Chuckie died along with his mom, and that is why his Dad is a wreck. Do I-even need to explain why this DOESN'T makes sense?! All this Theory derives on, his mixing up the canon of the show! Chaz is a nervous wreck, so we can see WHERE Chuckie gets it from. I hope the rest isn't this stupid, 321!

Phil and Lil were abortions, so unable to know for sure whether they would have been a boy, or a girl, Angelica imagined them as twins. This https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN36JM8l52g, is how I view your writing.

Talk about, you know! Your excuse for twins, is an abortion? Why would she see them as TWINS?! If she knew about their arrival she would know about their gender! Wait, even if she didn't, SHE WOULD JUST PICK ONE! She would imagine, another baby, yet to be born. Just like the others, IF... Oh, you didn't think I was gonna go there, did you?! If the concept is even PLAUSIBLE!

Just because she expected babies, doesn't mean she would actually envision them, and none of the people have to be the way you portray them! CHAZ is naturally nervous, and CHUCKIE gets it from him. STU is already a toy maker, so he'd invent toys, ANYWAY.

Why would Suzy defend the babies from Angelica, if she's humoring her friend's mental state? I guess Suzy got into it! For someone who uses a lot of elements, it's like you don't even watch the show! And All Grown Up already beat you to that brain damage thing.

Phil and Lil recall on dropping Dil on his head:

☀http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0387714/quotes

It's badly written and only interested in being shocking. It's brutal, but not creative. The writing itself is bad, and uses content that only mixes up storytelling that ALREADY EXISTS. Fan Theories aren't worth anyone's time, they're LESS than Lost Episodes, which at the least have Fanfiction creativity! Theories rely on writing already done. The Rugrats Theory is a good example, of Fan Theories, and their lack of value. 0/10

Devin The Devil
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

What a GREAT troll pasta! Comedic, subtle and an obvious satire of the style of Snuffbomb! If you'd excuse me, I'm gonna laugh some more! Then give you a pass!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Huh? Sorry, what?

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">...

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The pasta is meant to be taken seriously? What? Your bluffing? No it is not, it is clearly meant to be a joke. What? Look at the categories? Fine, but I already know troll pasta is a categ-

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">What? What?! Mental Illness? Demon/Devil? Where the fuck is troll pasta?! You mean we're SUPPOSED to take this seriously?! Oh My God...

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Where do I begin...

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The TITLE is laughable. Yeah, I LAUGHED when I read the TITLE. Sad.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The story is an absolute joke. The buildup is nonexistent, the storytelling bland, and the execution... hilariously bad! He gets injured in the beginning, and his FATHER is nonchalant about it!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The character describes events boring and uncreatively. JESUS CHRIST, SCOTT PILGRIM has more emotion to his suroundings than you. The way things are described, they are TOO fucking basic, it's like Weird Al's Drive Thru song, but with horror! Yeah, THAT bad! He dreams of his house setting fire, and doesn't break a sweat.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Scott thinks his nightmare has something to do with hauntings of a guy named Devin. The doctor regrets to inform him that it is in fact a rare disease called "Blanditis". Sufferers lack writing talent.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">As I describe the story as well as what's wrong with it, it's like reading the damn thing again,. Let's remember for a second folks that reviews are BASIC. And like this story, I'm sure you'd get a laugh out of it.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">But, onto the exciting climax!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Scott is dropped off by his dad, sees the demon in the house and gets the gun to attack. So he shoots the thing and killed his dad. Did I just reread Laughing Jack? The Demon then leaves us with STRONG last words, that his name is, In Fact...

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">DEVIN!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNaJ9WS5nCc

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Did Tommy Wiseau write this? Cause it shows!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Wow, it's for real? I mean, it's bad, but its hilariously so. I can't believe it is. I know that not every pasta is going to be a success story, I know some are better than others, but there is LITERALLY no effort in this, it just makes the experience kind of funny. If it's done deliberately, it was a clever comedian. If it was serious, however, it was done by someone who is certainly not a writer. Assuming this is real, 0/10

Who Was Phone?
<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Ahem. This is the best Creepypasta I read on here. The amount of story and effort + extra grammar efffort makes it AWE inspiring, and something that holds SO MUCH subtlety, I'm at a loss for words...

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The teenagers are relatable because they love each other, one WOULD find themselves IN THIS SCENARIO! The build up of the antagonizing father character creates tension, and REALLY has you wondering how YOU'D feel.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The drop off though REALLY makes the story. It amplififies the dread of this situation, by adding pure TERROR. Honestly guys, this has me seriously frightened!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">I think this story's twist is redefining horror, pushing what we were limited with before. It will terrify AND surprise you. So if you don't go catatonic, your in for a treat! 1000/10

Ol' Broken Bone Pete
<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The story has very strong points, and a majority of it is real good. A neat legend with neat characters. Even the ghost is, or was a sympathetic one. But the weak points, are very weak. Nice to mean in 3 2 1

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Those same strong points are thrown away, they become inconsistencies! You should have tried harder with this story, it had some good ideas but ALL of them gt thrown away for a CLICHED ghost story ending!!! Did Penpal's throw away of effort inspire this? Cause it shows!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Charlie who was unique is abandoned. Joey the same. The ghost who you have the upmost sympathy for, keeps his legend status by being a clichéd monster. He couldn't have been different from rumors and actually been nice? Why not? He had all this sympathetic build up, in fact you wanna see him get justice on someone, but not innocent children!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The pedophile inconsistencies seemed as well placed as stuff from the room... Wait a minute... Why couldn't one of them be the fucking bad guy!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Yeah, THAT would have been much better, don't you think? They mention a perverted grandpa like he's going to come back, what if HE were the bad guy? You wouldn't see it coming, and the ghost could become the unlikely hero! That would be a MUCH better ending, and would have made this a much better story. The execution of this good idea is so badly drawn out that I can't possibly list it all in this Critique, in conclusion I'll say:

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">It had good writing and suspense, good characters and good build up. But the paypoff, inconsistentcies and outcome ruin it all. It's half good, but that is still an F 5/10

The Grifter
<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">This is... nothing. I can't even react to this. You have to have literally ZERO effort to do that. Not disturbed, not intrigued, not entertained, not-anything. It's a little confusing, but not in a way where I'd like to learn more. It just makes a forgettable experience head scratching. I don't see the appeal, it's not only overrated, it's seriously nothing. Like a movie Dr. Forrester would make Joel and the Bots watch. The video was just a cheap way to cash in on the efforts of Marble Hornets, and added a few stupid screamers. It was a very MEH story, I can't even call it an experience, as mean as I am to other stories, I considered MOST of them experiences. Very poor writing here, and it's a story that I don't think has a purpose other than TRY to be deep, but doesn't even understand itself. Any fan explanation is just a STRETCH of an explanation. And you CAN'T say the attachment offers anything, unlike The Wanderer and Smile.jpg, this doesn't. I don't like screamers because their appalling, but DANEBOE can make screamers. In the end I offer this nothing, because it offered me nothing. 0/10

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Maybe you were trying to be artsy like Tarsem... Ask me what it means Ask me what it means OOOH HOOO

Dark Reflection Ritual
<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">t's an interesting take on rituals and mirror mythology. I wonder if you can tie it's logic to Bloody Mary, e.g. all of Mary's evil coming out on three. Everyone's laughing at me at this point, no one cares about my input. :(

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Onto the review.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">I like how it's written, and I do like some of it's ideas, but the thing, for me, is that I'm so used to mirror mythology. Not to say that this wasn't well written, hell it was thought provoking, but I think that these tales have been told for so long. Tales of mirrors are the Cinderella of ritual stories I'm sorry to say. It's not that the story wasn't told well, it's that it's a tired story. I give you above failure because there was well writing and creativity. 6/10

The Cellphone Game
<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;">Now, when I first read this pasta, I honestly thought it was not only well written and original, but revolutionizing the Ritual Pasta genre. A different kind of Game Pasta. Reading it again, I have to go back on my former opinions. Now, I believe the writer could produce something really good, original too, but this isn't it. It's tedious, the characters are either bland or cold, and the story is kind of drawn out. There seem to be a lot of plot left out, like how to play the game, what the tasks mentioned, were. I don't feel like it let you in on everything, and it doesn't seem like it's entirely sure either. It focuses too much on the characters's consequences, and too little on important details. It seems like it was written in one setting, with some effort and creative ideas, but too rushed all the same. I give The Cellphone Game a 5/10 for having bad writing, but creative ideas.

Alternate 21328
<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">An amazing perspective of the story! It's as if all the plotholes of The Cell Phone Game were leading up to this. I won't write this off as the best CP ever, or anything, but it was such a great read, and much better than the original, and it knows it is.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Now, obviously, with the flaws and inconsistencies of the first one, the way Rottenbacher details it as "Jacks no-nothing perspective", is interesting, and true to the contrast of this one to the previous.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">I like how they're finally going in depth of the game, and while we understand more, we don't understand everything. This will make readers want to stick around for future sequels. I hope they can keep this quality.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">I hope this gets more attention, because now the grand storytelling of The Cell Phone Game deserves to be told, and I look forward to the continuation. It's RARE, that a sequel to an unimpressive product will not only shock you with it's quality, but get you into the franchise!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">While personally not my favorite pasta, it deserves recognition. 7/10

The Russian Sleep Experiment
<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;">vЯ считаю, это один неприятно, потому что я не поклонник кровью и валовые вне. Однако он имеет хорошее письмо и интересные концепции. Хотя я не его лично, я даю кредит, где кредит должен. Тем не менее, хотя я не могу наслаждаться брутальности я признаю, что установка и сюжет создан подразумевает валовое содержание. Хотя я не люблю его, я только дать ему неудачу из-за моего личного отвращения. 5/10

<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;">Knocking
<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;font-weight:normal;">I'm blown away by some of these. There are stories that capture the inner creativity in us all, and unlock concepts that we might have constructed, but lock deep down. And one such example? Knocking!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Knocking, written by Steven Shorter, is a unique short story entailing a strange haunting of an unnamed protagonist. The haunting is that of being surrounded by strange beings, and for them to knock in panic and confusing frenzies. Do they want to hurt him? Do they need his help? Those lines are blurred. The vague understanding adds subtlety to the mystery.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Actually, what's really interesting is that the beings can only communicate with him in this terrifying sort of way, when there is a door parallel to him. It could be any door, from any scenario. A door to a room that's closed, inside or outside. I feel like I'm reading Shut That Damned Door, again. Alright, who ripped off who? Someone is going to write sentences on the chalkboard.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The ending doesn't make things completely clear, but it adds understanding of HOW deep the phenomenon is. And while some might be mad about the uncertainty, I think it makes the story's mystery more wondrous, and I think that's what it was going for. This is my new favorite. 10/10

Shut That Damned Door
<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">An incredible tale! Great storytelling, atmosphere that you can see and experience, and interesting mystery.This was just a good time, open. Scary mysteries at their best. Where do I begin, close?

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">Well open...

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The build up and development rivaled the classic styles of R.L. Stine's Goosebumps. An already curiosly, frightening enviorment, with a scarier secret hidden within. A place of DARING, as if the house itself DARES you, close! Dares you to figure it out. And while I won't spoil the story here, I will say that the ending kind of embodies the concept and is just as subtle as anything in the story. The relateable realism is tested and brought to frightening surrealism as with Candle Cove, but this time it's testing our fears with the mundane rituals of visiting an elderly relative, by exploiting this generations fear of the OLDSCHOOL

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuxCIaczUa0

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">OH GOD, THE TERROR!

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">But honestly, the generation of the 2000's is young and the older generations rituals come across as foreign and you know what we say about dem foreigners...

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">It was a joke...

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">No, but seriously we fear difference because it seems WEIRD, even when what we fear is CLOSE to the basics we are familiar with. Amplifying the fear with the unknown, or the idea that there could be something to these differences, is played upon by this story. And it's ingeniously done.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">The story is immersive, really takes you into this world, I'd have to nitpick if I could HONESTLY complain, and it's just a great example of Blacknumber1's praise for this month's nominations.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">8/10 OPEN.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;">And might I add... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc6vs-l5dkc