Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26416562-20151003132951/@comment-26475800-20151004160547

Okay, so as KillaHawke had said above, there are some really rough points with this idea. 1984 is a great novel, but I would stay away from mentioning it in you story. Perhaps you can make a reference to it that the people who have read the novel will catch. Now onto the idea itself; it could work.

I could see how this could be interesting if well written and having a strong plot. The idea that the government watch you to protect you from a monster isn't bad. However, it being an unseen monster is rather lame. Make the monster visible, show how the government is keeping the people safe. But if you do this like a wikileak page or some other thing than that would lose everything you had built up. There would be no tension.

So to make this story work, you would have to create some realistic people to be tormented by the knowledge they know about the government. But the knowledge is false or incomplete. Yet, that governments of the world are really trying to protect their people, which will be the twist at the end or in the middle of the story.

It would have to be executed perfectly if this is going to be a good story. A few mistakes will ruin this story quickly. You should do so research about some of the things the government has done and use that in your story. This one will have to be as realistic as possible, so you will have to act like you were one of the people who had helped Eric Sownden.

If you can do something like that it may not be a bad idea for a story. But you will have to bring your A game. I would love to do a story like this and just reading this post had got me thinking. But because it is your idea I will not write it. However, you should give it a shot and post it in WW. Again, to reiterate what had been said above, use Word or something that has spell check. Also, read what you have written before posting it. I can tell you didn't do so with the above.

On another note, why did you get so upset with Belowxero for his response? Not really all that cool. He took the time of day to give you a review on something you had written and asked for help with. The least you could do is treat him with some respect, even if you do not agree with what he had said. Just saying, if you want people to help you, be nice to the ones who already tried.