Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38492903-20190522125748/@comment-26475800-20190524141748

As mentioned before, there is a good deal of cursing in this story that isn't needed. Only have the cursing in the dialogue and it will be much better.

Look for words you can cut out, there was a place where you had already twice in one sentence.

Capitalization is your friend when you're writing a proper noun.

While the story isn't horrible, it need a lot of work to make it better. Work on writing emotions, in a way that shows them, not tells them. You said tears were rolling down his eyes, which is a way to show, but they would roll down the cheeks not eyes. Try rereading whatever you write before posting it and you'll catch a lot of things that need to be fixed.

The anticlimactic ending isn't that bad, but you basically reiterate what you said in the opening paragraph. Try to cut all the repetition out of the story.

Also, don't use all caps to get emotion across. You can get emotion across by showing what the guys face and actions are like. Use the proper punctuation to emphasize what is being said. I don't use exclamation point too much, but you could and it's better than all caps.

I think that's most of what I have to say about this story, I'm also reviewing this on my phone so sorry for any grammar errors.