Talk:Squeal/@comment-5733573-20180912210940

This feels really rushed and forced in places, especially in the way the story progresses and the ending. You started with an interesting idea, but the execution isn't there to back it up. Take the time to craft clear and immerisive scenes and work on how you transition between them.

From a sentence stand point, watch out for you you present information. You have stuff like, "he then pulled the knife from my grip, stabbing it into my hand." The way this is written, you are saying that these two complete different actions took place at the exact same time. This is not the only such sentence in your story. Be sure to find them and clear them up.

I really hope you do more work on this. It has the potential to be effective, but it's really not right now.