Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29015383-20160714143121/@comment-28266772-20160714154041

skincolor -> think this should just be 'skin color'

radient -> radiant

When my parents began to gave me trouble about my relationship -> give not gave

When the girls at class made snide remarks and bullied me, he protected me from their stabbing gazes. -> So I kind of see what you mean when you say that the paragraph feels awkward but this was the only sentence in it I really saw any problem with. It's not very clear that he's taking her away from school - maybe have a sentence that clarifies how he'll support her financially so she doesn't need to get an education, so it's clearer that he's doing more than just protecting her from 'stabbing gazes' but is instead severing her connections to the outside world.

And while I enjoyed this I felt like it fizzled out a bit at the end. I thought for a moment you were going to reveal that this guy was arrested and put in prison for some reason, and this girl was trapped in the house and would probably starve to death and she's so disconnected from reality all she can do is post a blog entry. But I'm not sure if that's what you're really getting at, or if the horror aspect of this story is the twisted relationship they have?

If you're interested BlizzardLemon's story 'Bea Wary' is one of the few creepy pastas I've read that also deals with domestic abuse so that might be worth a read.

Also the name Edward threw me just a little because I thought it might be a reference to Twilight - that just may be me though.