Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33954816-20180412231400/@comment-9041013-20180412233513

I don't know if you're trying to troll or you are just very very very bad with english and haven't seen a text longer than a Wattsapp text in the last decade of your life, but this is horrible. The story runs too fast, virtually, it's so unrealistic, so swift and so not emotion provoking that it's sad.

People live with AIDS and manage the condition, it's "fine", so this whole story isn't very shocking or anything. Seems like the girl is virtually a kid, not an adult, so why the fuck would she have AIDS? Also, she would also let you know on the first moment you tried to bang she has aids... cause you know, rape isn't nice.

The rest is just utter garbage, "gouged her eye out with a whip" "made her choke on the whip" what? Those kind of things, even if possible, take HUGE amounts of control and practice, something your characters don't have clearly.

I quit reading after that point, since I can't tell if you're actually serious.