Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25985626-20150108132611/@comment-25985626-20150108203539

Shadowswimmer77:

Thank you very much for your reply! I'm glad to hear that the language wasn't an issue. As for the plot issues, well.

For the first one, I have a good explanation on why she does behave like that - it's based on the actual events. Everything until the part where she moves out has been based on my experience from the childhood. I lived on such a street, I had a friend like that, I had been playing with her a lot, there was this one run to the shop and I was naïve enough to hand the bike over. She didn't want to hear my explanations - for the whole time she thought that those three guys never existed in the first place. She thought that I came up with that story myself and arranged it so a friend of mine would grab the bike and we'd sell it off - especially since I had my bike the whole time and only hers was stolen. Whatever the reason, I had never seen her again. I had forgotten all about it, but thanks to reading Penpal I got encouraged to try and remember my past, and this one hit me rather hard - so hard that everything came back to me in detail. Her house didn't burn down as it did in the story, but to this day it stands there, haunting the neighborhood. ''At any rate - I will not change her reaction, as it's a rather vital turning point. I can build it up a bit more, maybe add some argument between her and the narrator at some earlier point so it makes more sense, or try to justify it so it's easier to understand why she behaved like that, but I can't afford to just cross it out and toss something else in there.''

As for the second one... I did not notice this one. Or I was stupid enough to consider it a valid ending. Well, whichever option it is... The area of the city I described was the outskirts. It's literally the last street you can turn to before driving out of the city. And, for as long as I remember, no accident had ever happened there. No fires, no robbings, no killings, nothing. The only thing that happened around there was on the street it connected with. There was a fire there, as soon as it went up somebody called the firefighters. Everybody managed to get out and watched the fire consume all they had for three hours. The only anti-fire crew we had arrived two hours... after the fire went out.

''Well. As valid as this excuse is, it doesn't justify leaving the corpses there for a few days unnoticed. It just slipped by. I will work on changing that, and I'll fix it whenever I come up with something good. At any rate, I just want the narrator to see that pile of bodies as it is - alone, at dark, in its original state, since those torn apart bodies below add a little taste for the careful reader. Coop with chickens, a room we're not allowed to enter, then we can't even access the coop at all... and finally the torn bodies. What on Earth would have happened to those, I just don't want to spoil it for the pleasure of the reader. If this ever gets enough recognition so I can worry about it, really''.