Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25326117-20150317015029/@comment-25148755-20150317175444

First off, this is long enough that it wouldn't be considered a micro (those are only 200-300 words...think a couple paragraphs).

Yeah, could work, but it doesn't flow very well. It escalates super quickly...if the kid acts like she does in the store (which her personality leads us to believe she probably does often) and the mother reacts to anyone even touching Lucy by shooting them, this probably would have happened before. There's really no reasonable explanation for the mother behaving in the way she is. Also, at the beginning of the story Lucy isn't being held by Michele. But then later on she is.

Some of the phrasing is...odd. Not wrong exactly, but doesn't fit.

"she couldn't let the little girl's coffin rest on her conscience"  Coffin is a weird word. Death would be more appropriate.

"Lucy's mother had released a gunshot"  again, "released a gunshot" sounds like you are trying too hard to make it sound poetic

So yeah, develop why the mother would instantly react with firearms to someone touching her kid (even pulling the gun would make more sense than shooting her...there needs to be more) and work on smoothing out some of the phrasing.