Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26705150-20151231015431/@comment-24101790-20160108001304

Let's start off with the minor issues and build up to larger problems.

Awkward wording: "I was about my ability to return to life like as usual.", "Sometime during then, I jolted out of my bed when I heard the loudest banging noises in the walls." I would cut back on using so many conjunctions (but, because, and, etc) as it really gives a story a choppy feel. "But what was left", "But I wasn’t concerned as much"

Capitalization issues: "I had been a practicing catholic (Catholic)" As catholic uncapitalized means something different.

Punctuation issues: Remember that closing punctuation in dialogue only needs one or the other. "“Are you Father Jacobs?,” the badge guy asked.", "You’re looking for him?,” I asked.". "The red marking on the glass read, “Father isn’t who you think he is."" It should be a colon as it's continued on another line.

Story issues: Whitix already covered most details nicely, but I'll throw in my two cents as well. There really should be more description here. "They were screaming and there was something distinctly unnatural about them." If the protagonist notes something is off, it's always better to explain as it builds a clearer image. I also think building on the premise some (mainly the priest and the sinister nature of the house) would make the story much more effective.