Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26836208-20150730042153

I want to have some review and advice for a story i wrote on my spare time. Tips,criticism and advice would be helpful.

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Diary entry 2011/08/14

I was out hunting deer by myself in the woods, stalking a big white tailed Buck I had been chasing after for half an hour. After taking 2 shots, one through the belly  and taking one to the back of its rear left leg, I finally came upon it, surprised at it's surprising resilience at resisting 2 .30-06 from my Springfield, which had taken out many other animals before within 1 shot for similar deer and 2 for larger animals. After a long trek, I managed to pull the 489lb white tail back to my truck, which to say maybe the heaviest deer I had ever shot in my entire life. That's when I heard the bushes rustle, as if something had been passed by, except in this case, it seemed like it was stalking me. Assuming it was a bear, I pulled out my rifle and fired one round into the bush. Whatever it was, it shrieked in pain and fury, something akin to fox, but louder and longer. After 2 minutes, I felt the gaze of the beast disappear, and whatever it was, was probably dying or bleeding out slowly.

Driving alongside the road back home in the dead of night, however, I felt that same stalking gaze, but attempted to shrug it off as paranoia. I did not catch a glimpse of it, but I felt as if something was following me, sprinting for my truck. If it existed, it certainly did, as I heard something jump on top of my truck's roof. Expecting something to bust through, I drove faster and faster, until I slowed down a bit to avoid attention, and was sure that the thing had fallen off the truck. After a while, I had reached my home, got out of my truck, and when I went to unbuckle the deer, I found it had slipped and fallen out, either taken by the thing or fallen out when I was speeding. Slightly disappointed by my loss, I walked to the front door and entered my home. Waiting for me in my living room was my daughter.

She called out my name and ran towards me, which I then gave her a big hug. I told her to go to sleep, but she wanted to hear a bedtime story, which I promised, if she went to sleep. She agreed and happily ran to her bedroom. I then went to the kitchen and found my loving Wife, who was cooking food for my return. I kissed her on her left cheek despite her ugly mole, and she giggled in return.

I walked off to my bedroom, and after taking off my hunting clothes, I went to take a shower. While taking a nice warm shower, my Wife shrieked in terror and in response I hastily got out, dried myself with my towel, and put on my jeans and t-shirt and rushed to the scene.

My wife was tightly hugging my daughter, who had a small bruise on her leg, while looking into her room. I ran over to look into 's room, and saw a grotesque mass of splattered blood all over the wall, as if something was pushed forcefully into a cement wall by hurricane force winds. Meat bits and ruptured organs were scattered throughout the room, with bits of what I assumed was broken ground up bones everywhere. The window had not been shattered, and no part of her room was even open to the outside world. However, most staggering was the fact my daughter was still alive, though with a small bruise to her leg.

I told my family to stay put, and went to my truck to get my Springfield. I searched though my truck, and when I found it, fed it new ammunition, and entered my home. Entering my home, it was quiet, quiet enough that I swore I could hear my heart pumping from the adrenaline in my body. Checking each room of the house, I could not find the beast anywhere. 's bedroom was cleared, despite having such a scene of gore contained in it. The hallway bathroom had nothing in it. The kitchen, despite a flickering old light, had nothing in it either. The living room was cleared of the beast, and all that left was my bedroom I shared with my Wife.

In the middle stood my wife, though she wasn't with our daughter. She seemed okay, though for some reason her mole on the left cheek was missing. I asked her and she said that I must be tired from all the hunting. When I asked her about our daughter, she had simply said that she sent her to warn the next-door neighbors. I hoped that she would come back, as its 3:45 am, and I had not seen her since. As I write this, there's a horrible stench in the closet of my Bedroom. My wife is also acting strange, asking me to put my guard down constantly despite the danger, and stalking me whenever I patrol the house, though she claims it's for safety. I don't know what thing has been here, but it's definitely here, just hiding somewhere.  