Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28900755-20160726185429/@comment-27008899-20160727125909

Lots of issues here. Format, walls of text, multiple people speaking in the same paragraph, awkward wording, this is going to take a lot of editing to get it to quality standards. The story itself seems unfinished. You have a fairly original antag, but I feel like it could be taken further than a single encounter.