Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-39533013-20190520181759/@comment-9041013-20190521183349

So this is your typical haunted doll CP, not a good start.

The whole atmosphere sells out the "secret" that there's something wrong with the weird ass doll, avoid that. Make the doll usual and unassuming.

The doll is madly supernatural, not just animated and murderous but it seems to manipulate reality to an extent, which adds another layer of "ughfjhghfjhfg" to this. It's just not really helping the horror but rather reducing from it because we already know what will happen.

Using caps lock to highlight points isn't the best strategy you should follow, it comes off as unserious wrtiting. Use punctuation instead like exclamation marks.

Your English feels clunky at points which ruins the readability of the story, if I keep having to stop to think about a sentence I just read; there's a problem with that sentence and it occurs more than once here. Which ruins the story. Use grammarly and prowritingaid to fix those issues.

The ending is just ruining everything, "I escaped but Im probably gonna die... so imma just write a diary entry about this..." you've better things to do if you're dying or being haunted by a serial killer/monster.

"THE END?" remove that completely.

There's nothing really special here, it just needs a bunch of work to make it seem like a decent story that doesn't suffer from a cliche theme.