Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24841964-20141109170154/@comment-25624120-20141109185130

Really dark stuff. I think you convey the psychopathic lack of emotion very well but it does get dull at some points near the start. It might be a good idea to throw in some descriptive parts about Karen, make her seem really special and unique to the reader so that we can know what the narrator sees in her. There's a few redundant words and error but nothing dramatic e.g. 'The young woman was young and attractive' and using 'conscious' instead of conscience but it's good. Feels very organic, just needs a little polish (which I guess is why you posted it here :p)