Talk:The Purple Balloon/@comment-25052433-20140909055220

A jester told me a joke once, it went like this:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Review.

Review who?

Review YOU!

Ahh, review humor. Let's begin.

What went right:

-A whole lot actually, and that ain't no joke. This was a good story. Your grammar was pretty much on par, although you did tend to use commas in a few places where they weren't needed, and a couple of your paragraphs were a long, but none of those are major issues.

-Character development was on point. You did a good job of pulling us into Alexa's strange world of abused fathers and crazy clowns.

-Scare factor. The scary was here, and in good supply. The idea of surviving a car wreck just to get up and be harassed by some court jester with a balloon fetish is enough to leave some goose bumps on even the most stoic of arms.

-Clichés. None really. It's always nice to find a pasta that explores new areas. While clowns are certainly nothing new in the realm of fear, having one hook you up to a floating death balloon and then turn into the devil might be a first. Well done.

What needs to be sent back to the circus:

-The dad wasn't believable. Now, while I am sure that there are abused husbands in the world, I can't see it becoming so bad that the man would have to rescued by his daughter. That just didn't come across as real to me. I would replace the dad with a younger brother or something, if you just really want to have a male character taking abuse.

-The ending. Leave Alexa alone. She survived, allow her character to celebrate and become strong. It seems to be an unspoken rule on Creepypasta that happy endings spoil a story. That simply isn't true. The story is scary, you don't need to throw in the cliché ending where everything falls apart in order to get that point across.

-A piece of non-story advice here. Do not, and I repeat, do not place disclaimers or special instructions on your pasta. I am speaking about the message you posted to go along with this story. The admins do not owe you an explanation if they delete your work. In fact, if you read the rules, wish I am sure you did...(hint, hint) then you already know that it is your responsibility to reach out to an admin should your story be deleted. They will not contact you and tell you why.

With all that said, in my opinion, this was a good pasta, a great one even. Well written and well executed. I hope this is a sign of great works to come, as you certainly demonstrate a talent for this.