Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25975226-20150226070959/@comment-26027160-20150226074745

Well... It was okay. It probably got deleted because you violated many rules of poetry here. The poem doesn't flow. Taking the fist stanza as an example: I walk towards the brightest light, (8 syllables) Who shines across the Earthy ground,      (8 syll.) I leap to it with all my might. (8 syll.) But find I'm Earthly bound                (6! syll.)

The syllables contribute to this "rhytm flow". Look:

"But find that I am earthly bound" works much better, right?

The second line. "Who shines across the Earthly ground". You referred to "the brightest light" in the first line, which is certainly a "what". If you meant God/Celestial Being, capitalise Light. Even though it's purely symbolic, it's still a name.

The first two lines are a finished thought, "I walk towards God". Period. The next lines- "I leap towards it, but appear to me restrained"- are a finished thought as well. "But find that I am Earthly bound.". Period.

The fact that you use Earthly 2x times makes the poem sound awkward and "monotome". Use synonyms.

These mistakes apply to the whole poem. However, it is possible to fix them without changing too much of the content.

Good luck!