My Last Ride

I've looked forward to this day since the ride opened. I've always loved roller coasters, but I'm afraid of heights, so I never went on the ones with loops. I slowly started riding bigger coasters and... well, when this opened, I knew it was time.

It's the biggest roller coaster in the world, and this is the only park it's been built at. I had to travel from the United States to the United Kingdom, and it took all my life savings, but... I won't be needing that money anymore. I told myself I'd ride this coaster without second thought, no matter what the cost.

It's not for everybody. In fact, many are horrified by it. Hell, when I saw the scale model of it, my heart leapt into my throat and was struck by excitement and fear. I never thought it'd be built in my lifetime... it's time to face many things; my fear of heights, my fear of loops, and most of all... it's time to face death.

The Euthanasia Coaster begins with a 1600 top, and the ride up is extremely steep. It's so steep, you'd feel like you were about to fall backward right off the track. It takes approximately two minutes to reach the top. Then... it drops... it drops 1600 feet at 220 MPH... the thrill of a life time.

No time to reconsider. Here are the loops, which I have never gone through on any coaster. There are seven of them, one immediately after the other, each slightly smaller in diameter. The G-force of ten... will kill you. The first loop would make you brain dead, and the other loops are there just to make sure you don't survive.

But this isn't painful. If anything, it will be the most (and last) thrilling and euphoric experience of your life. You'd gray out, experience tunnel vision, and at last, blackout before you die. How does the soul carry on after such happiness at your last moment?

I'm here because I'm depressed. And it's not just that I'm feeling this way for a few days or so, no... I've felt this way nearly my whole life. I wasn't meant to be here; my birth was a mistake. When I told my family what I was doing, I told each of them how I felt about them. Some of them were in the crowd... most of them crying, and the rest just looking shocked and... sort of lifeless.

There's my grandmother on my father's side. It was hard to read her expression, so I wasn't sure how she felt. I told her she was a crazy old hag who couldn't even love enough for her own damn children. I blamed her for my father's irresponsible nature, and I screamed at her about how she always said that I'd never succeed and I'd have to ask her for money. I even slapped her hard across the face, and told her I hated her.

Then there was my father. He was one of the ones sobbing the hardest. I told him I loved him and that, even though he was never a good parent, it wasn't his fault. I always knew that he loved me, he just... never tried to help himself. I suspected he was probably manic depressive too. But I said, "daddy, I love you, and you will always be my father and my friend. Someday, I hope, we'll meet on the other side.

Two of my aunts were there. They had refused to bring their children, even though one of them, my aunt's daughter, looked up to me like an older sister. These two had caused me so much hurt. They feigned kindness, and the aforementioned aunt screamed at me... exactly how she used to scream at me. I... I didn't see my aunt in front of me that day. I didn't even know where I was. I saw her.

The other aunt kindly waited until I returned home a few states away to email me and pour her hateful little heart out. She told me I was selfish because I didn't help financially support the family when I couldn't even support myself. The money I had was earned specifically for those two months of vacation, and I'm not going to help out a family whose mother and father are filthy rich. She also told me I was going nowhere.

There's one aunt that didn't show up who reminded me even more of her, for she hit her children as well as screamed at them. I hope she knows I hate her and I wanted so badly to shout at her when I saw her hit her daughters. I could see me in one of their eyes... and it killed me inside.

Then there's my aunt on her side of the family, the one who actually saved me from her, but at the same time, nearly sent me to a mental hospital when I was too young to understand what was going on with my head. I don't hate her, but I don't love her either. She's... an acquaintance.

My brother is also sobbing hard. I love my brother. We have different fathers, but we both knew how it felt to be raised by... well, he was the only one who understood me, and the only one I considered family. He also left his daughter at home with her mother, which I'm sort of glad about. She didn't know me too well. I let my brother know exactly how much I appreciated him, even though we spent most of our lives apart, and he never saw the worst side of her. I love him. I saved him from committing suicide, but I told him he couldn't do the same for me.

My grandmother on her side of the family... I hated her since I was nine, when I first met her (or at least as far as I can remember.) She made a good chunk of my life miserable and hard to handle. Even now, I'm simply pretending to get along with her. My medication keeps me from losing my patience, though sometimes I have to close my eyes and keep myself from blowing up. I've always felt she was an idiot, inconsiderate, selfish, irresponsible, and close minded. Of course I told her all of this, and I even said, "you should get on the coaster with me."

Then there's her... oh, I saved the best for last. She's the one who gave birth to me, whose blood I hold in my body, whose face I share almost identically... the whore that made me who I am and made my life literally hell. It took hours for me to spill out everything I've wanted to say to her for the passed eight years. She's not my mother. She gave me life, but no scum such as her can be considered a mother. I wanted to stay alive long enough to watch her die, but I changed my mind. I told her to live. I told her to live with the memory that her only daughter voluntarily rode to her own demise. I couldn't even think of words to describe how much I hated her, because "hate" wasn't strong enough. I told her what happens to my mind when I think of her, when I remember her and the things she's done... and I told her she'll never change. She has everyone fooled... but not her children. Now that I'm older, I know why she got her tubes tied; so she can sleep with random scum bags without accidentally having another child to torture and abandon.

However, my friends are there too. My loved ones who begged me to stay and say they needed me. This is my only regret. In truth, I didn't want to leave them behind, but... I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't rely on them to take care of me, it wasn't fair. I love them more than anything. Do they believe me after this? I don't know. They're in the crowd right now shouting at me to change my mind before it's too late. It's hard to look at them...

I'm in line right now as I record this with my handheld tape recorder. When I'm on, I have a strap that I'll use to strap it onto my chest. This way, my thoughts will be recorded and go down in history. What does a person think about before such a way to leave this world? Now the living will be able to know.

There's only five others in line with me, though the cars seat twenty-four. Their families are in the huge audience surrounding the gates. Some are crying with utter sadness, but some are crying and waving, as if to say, "farewell, my dear, we love you..." I see faces of disgust, expressions of horror, and some just bursting with excitement.

In front of me is a little girl. She's about eight, and she has no hair. She was diagnosed with cancer a long time ago, and is expected to die in about two weeks. She didn't want to die by something so unfair, so she begged and pleaded with her family and doctors to let her die when she wanted to. There were tears, oh yes, but after a long and impressive speech from the eight year old, whose innocence was taken by nature's secret weapon, they conceded.

In front of her is an old man in a wheel chair. He's a quadraplegic, and he's only able to move the muscles in his face. He's not depressed; he's had a great life. But he's just... bored. What more is there to do besides be a burden on your family, raising their medical bills, making it so they can't work because they have to care for him... and just laying in bed all day? I'd die from the boredom itself! His children and their children are in the crowd, wishing him a happy journey. They understand that he just wants to go. They are such a wonderful and caring family... the younger ones don't exactly understand, but they will in due time. Grandpa's just on his ride to Heaven.

There's a man behind me in an orange prison suit. He's very gaunt and his eyes lack lustre, as if his life had already been taken, but his soul remains. He had spent twenty years on Death Row for raping and killing 15 young children. I was disgusted when hearing his story, but... I saw regret in his eyes now, and he knew that he deserved this. He asked the court, "if I must be put to death, can I ride the Euthanasia Coaster?" They obliged. He was ready to die for the horrible things he's done... which may be more than what he was charged for.

Behind him is a man around my age. I think he said he was about twenty-three or so, I don't remember. I was too busy admiring his gorgeous face. He's just a little taller than me, with semi-long, colored maroon hair, and striking blue eyes. His facial shape is absolutely perfect, and he had this... just... incredibly sexy English accent... he was dressed in a long sleeved black button up shirt and black skinny jeans. His shoes were simple black Airwalks, but nonetheless... I fell in love with him physically. I hope I can convince him to sit next to me, and maybe steal the last kiss of both our lives. Apparently, he's just as depressed as I am, having almost the same number of cuts on his body as me. And this day, he said he's never felt so happy. I agree.

And lastly, a woman in about her forties stood at the end of the line. She had two black eyes and bruises anywhere you could see. She sported dark scrapes, and her hair was ripped out in places. Her husband, who beat her, stood in the audience with an expression that clearly said, "oh dear Lord, what have I done?" He was holding a sobbing four year old who had a suspicious bruise on her cheek.

We all refused to give our real names so that we didn't become attached to each other in this life. The girl was called Hope, the old man was Limbs, the criminal was Knives, that oh so attractive boy was Toy, the beaten woman was Pain, and I was Smiles. We all came together and held hands, saying our goodbyes and reasons to be happy.

Hope said her soul would be free of disease and pain. Limbs laughed, excited to be able to walk and move his arms again. He said, "maybe they'll have Ping Pong in Heaven." Knives was crying softly as he said he was sorry to all of his victims, their families, and everyone else he's hurt. He knew he was going to Hell, but was begging to at least see all those children to beg forgiveness, though he didn't think it'd do any good. Knives wasn't sure if he'd find happiness, but maybe he shouldn't be happy anyway. Toy said he'd be happy to finally be free of ridicule and physical torture from peers. He'd create the life he had wanted to live, and manage to smile truly for the first time. Pain prayed that her husband would stop beating their daughter, and she'll be happy when she's free of marks and free of despair.

I expressed my happiness to escape undeserved pain, to escape failure, and to laugh at the tears streaming from most of my family's eyes. Maybe I'd see all my lost pets, and I'd finally see what Heaven was. Would I even go to Heaven? Meh, who knows. Anywhere's better than this place though. And I will patiently wait for my loved ones to arrive.

At last, they've opened the gate. It's not like we had a long line, they just had to make sure everything was ready and good to go. It's a big coaster, you know?

"Toy, will you join me in the first car?"

"Heh, the first car, huh? You really wanna get all you can outta this, don't ya?"

"Of course. Gotta live life to it's fullest."

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

"I'm still recording, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind."

Toy takes my hand and we step into the car. I'm so scared and excited for the climb to the top. I might have to close my eyes to keep myself from panicking. Not afraid of death, but still afraid of heights. Ironic.

[Toy laughs. Silence except for the cars starting to travel along the tracks. About a minute passes by.]

"I think you're cute"

"I don't wanna sound vain, but I get that a lot."

"Do you wanna share a last kiss?"

"Don't think of it as a last kiss, but the final kiss of life. I'm sure even angels find love."

"It's a shame that someone as smart and beautiful as you won't live to pass on those traits to your child."

"Smiles, I wouldn't bring another child into this world."

"Good point. I didn't want children either."

[Sound of a kiss. Another thirty seconds pass by.]

We're nearing the top. Oh, we're so high up... talking to Toy definitely kept my mind off of my acrophobia.

"Happy to help... oh my God... I'm smiling..."

"It's a beautiful smile... bye everyone! Maybe we'll meet again someday!"

"Bye!"

Oh jeez... we're about to drop... oh my god we're so high up... this is... terrifying, but... wonderful! This is amazing! This is--

[Screaming. After about a minute they start to fade. Two and a half minutes of silence except for the sounds of the coaster. The sounds slow, and at last come to a stop.]

"Check their pulses."

[Thirty seconds of silence.]

"They've passed."

"Oh good, I was really afraid someone might survive."

"Nah, Urbonas knew what he was doing."

"Let's get them on the stretchers so their families can see them one last time if they want.

"Wait a second..."

[Sound of the tape recorder being dislodged from its strap and picked up.]

"No way... this girl was recording the whole thing...

"That's... actually brilliant. We'll have to send the tape to Urbonas. I'm sure he'd be delighted to hear the experience she had."

"Right-O--

[Tape ends.]