Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25326117-20150317015029/@comment-25477067-20150317172234

I have to say, this isn't scary. What is the story? This sounds like a news article. I usually don't like twists (they usually fail) but without that, or more to the story or maybe an unresolved ending, this isn't a creepypasta. Just a story.

About the grammar and tense changes. It wasn't too bad in the way of grammar, yeah a mistake here and there, but nothing you couldn't fix on spellcheck.net or something. The tense changes however, killed the story. I feel like it is being told from different people at different times, in different realities. The entire first two paragraphs were unintelligible. You were spitting out words, but they didn't form coherency. A third re-read (so that would be 4 total)  allowed me a small amount of insight into what the story was supposed to be. I hope you edit, rework it and then come back with a good story (Not to say this one is bad).

The best thing for you to add is...whatever you think. Yes, you should get SOME feedback from others, but the direction of the story needs to be in your hands, so that you can call it YOUR story. Otherwise, you aren't writing a story, you are the co-pilot in a plane. Hope this helps!