User blog comment:Digitama/Deleted page/@comment-1933450-20160704040516/@comment-24101790-20160704044425

Im sorry, but maybe we're reading two completely different stories because a lot of these issues are present and after five minutes of reading, I was able to determine that the story was well below our quality standards. Starting with the basics, you posted the story is visual editor which caused this line of coding to appear on every line: "Then it all came back to me. The screams, the gore, the voice. All of it. "

Punctuation: You also tend to not properly space after quotations. "ch'intrate.”Amber recognized it as the inscription written on the gates of hell in the epic poem Inferno, written by the pre-renaissance writer Dante Alighieri. It roughly translates to: “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”This", "myself:”Oh, come on!”The", "said:”Guys, we better go check out if Amber made it out. I don’t think we’re alone here.”", "What if there really are ghosts here?”Jerry", etc. If you shorten a word, you need to put an apostrophe in its place to denote the dropped letter. "After I found out that she screamed (')cause she found a spider on her shoulder"

Capitalization: You tend to improperly capitalize items. "she wasn’t answering the Walkie-talkie.", "and Walkie-talkies on to test if they worked.", "Walkie-talkie same like ours. Cooper had an adrenaline burst and jumped over the hole, storming down to the basement. Jerry and I heard him trying to forcefully open the basement door. Jerry wondered how Ryan was doing so he called him on the Walkie-talkie,", "even cheap Chinese-made Walkie-talkies.", etc.

Wording: " He countered us, saying that one (no) else thought of any ideas in the past 2 hours, and that he really can't (couldn't) think of anything else.", "the gang all went to their home (homes) to prepare for our little project.", "The clock stroke (struck) 21:00.", "Almost no trace of spider web that was visibly present in the rooms the others have checked out.", "Sitting on the table was a magazine dating back all the way to 1958., when the hospital close (closed).", etc. You really need to proof-read your stories as there are a lot of these issues scattered throughout the story.

Run-on/overly complex sentences: "After nearly 2 hours of coffee and brainstorming, Ryan remembered a creepy story one of the older kids at school told him, about the abandoned WWII hospital in the rural part of town that was shut down after numerous patients and staff went missing, had gone insane or died in suspicious and mysterious circumstances, so at night, ghosts and apparitions of those people wander the abandoned halls of the hospital, crying and looking for revenge."

Story issues: A majority of your paragraphs are walls of text. A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences long.Your first paragraph is 20+ sentences long and there a number of other paragraphs that are even longer than that. It really makes it a pain to read. You additionally really need to break up the dialogue so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. " I remember saying to myself:”Oh, come on!” ... Cooper came out of one of the rooms and said:”Guys, we better go check out if Amber made it out. I don’t think we’re alone here.”", " It said that: “She is now in a better place. Better than you are, however.”At that moment Ryan came bursting out from under the table, yelling: “They got her! Oh my God, they got her!”We", etc.

Story issues cont.: "Cooper then deduced that it would be an excellent subject for his film class, and proposed that we explore the hospital to find the truth about the urban legend, and get it all on film." If they are recording all of this, how come the narrator hasn't been arrested? "But the worst thing I remembered…is how I did it all." It seems like a pretty massive plot hole that that whole thing is being recorded by multiple people yet the protagonist isn't even being considered a suspect when there's video evidence that he committed the crime.

Story issues cont.: "I yelled out for my dad and he came into the room. I told him about the nightmare I had, although I only remembered it in bits and pieces. He sat down on my bed and explained that we all have that darkness inside of us, and it attacks us when we are at our most vulnerable, while we are asleep. And when we wake up we defeat that darkness, sending it back to the depths where it comes from." I'm sorry, but that monologue feels tacked onto the story and really has no purpose. Why would a parent explain all that to the child who had just woken up instead of explaining the situation to them?

Story issues end: "I asked my dad if I could borrow his pocket knife. He reluctantly agreed after I convinced him I didn’t need it for anything dangerous and radical. The clock stroke 21:00." and "I asked my dad if I could borrow his pocket knife. He reluctantly agreed after I convinced him I didn’t need it for anything dangerous and radical. I convinced him I didn’t need it for anything dangerous and radical. I wouldn’t reveal to him where we were going because he would be against it. Maybe if I had, this whole thing wouldn’t have happened" Is there any reason you're re-stating this twice? It feels un-necessary because the knife is only mentioned a few times and has no real bearing on a majority of the deaths. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here that were visible at a glance.