Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24965948-20140521143659

Hello there, i am new here. I have been writing creepypastas for a while but they were mainly focused on Pokemon. Yes i was a Pokemon Creepypasta writer.

I've made many creepypastas but always signed as Anonymous, i did this mostly because i wanted to see people's reaction thowards my writting and know on what areas i could improve.

This is my 67th creepypasta, i decided this would finally be the one i would sign with my name.

I have posted it multiple times only to see it deleted over and over again, when i finally decided to contact an administrator for help he told me the following:

"Well, from what I see from skimming, it looks like there are some big flaws in your story. It's...kinda difficult for me to go into a long spiel of what they're exactly, but I think you could benefit from the Writer's Workshop.

Basically, you could post your story there and people would tell you what flaws there are and how to correct them."

Well i decided to do just that, you see i need to learn from my mistakes if i intend to post further creepypasta and if there's something wrong with it i really want to know what so i can change it, i really want this one to be my first official one and i don't mind changing a thing or two so please help me out here.

The creepypasta is the following:

Name: "He" is alive

Cp:

20-05-2014

Hello there...

My name doesn't matter, everyone refers to me as Selthir or Selth for short..

My life has changed..

Allow me to tell you my story...

07-02-2014

I was on a popular chatting software called Imvu, i had a room there and i was there with a friend of mine i had a crush on, her name was Vanessa.

The room i had wasn't much, it was simply a room i used to have deep conversations with whoever came in.

I considered myself pretty smart to have these types of conversation, i was a photographer and my photos were meant to make people think of the meaning behind the photo.

Suddenly a really old user came inside, he hadn't come for a while, the user name was "xCursedBlack" but he asked people to refer to him as Kaiser even though it couldn't be his real name,

he was Portuguese just like me or so i thought, he had to have a real name and i considered preety childish he wouldn't tell me his.

I kind of dissed him and mocked him a bit, i admit i went a lil too far...

Eventually he said:

xCursedblack: Wow, if you didn't want me to come in you could have just said so...Geez

xCursedblack has left the chat

I felt kind of bad at first but he would get over it...I thought...

I was too focused on the tomorow, i was gonna go on a date with Vanessa and we were planning things.

I turned off Imvu a while later and went to bed, tomorow was gonna be a great day.

08-02-2014

I woke up thinking of my dream...A strange figure with red eyes..He said something like: Did you know? I am alive Selth.

Fuck that, i had to get ready for the evening.

I spent the whole day thinking of the wonderfull evening i was gonna have, i'm preety sure i'll be able to bring her home.

The night arrived quickly, it was 10 pm and i was waiting for Vanessa at the entrance of the bar we were supposed to go to.

She arrived with a grin on her face, it turned me on to see her with such thing, she usualy had that good girl atitude.

-Hey Selth! Haven't you heard? There's this really awesome haunted thing happening at the Abandoned warehouse! Lately people have been seen entering there and not coming out! Go get your camera!

-Wait seriously? We were suposed to spend a lovely evening on the bar! Not ghost hunting!

-You scared?

She winked at me as she said that, i couldn't possibly resist.

-Who me? No way! Fine let's go by my place, get the camera and go there.

When we arrived at the warehouse it was almost midnight, nobody was around except for me and her.

The Warehouse door was oddly open, we went there and walked a while then we heard a loud noise comming from behind, the warehouse door closed.

I quickly ran back and tried to open it, nothing happened, the door was as shut as it could be but i kept trying to open it.

As i was trying to force it open i heard a maniacal laugh, it was Vanessa. She was laughing.

-Vanessa this isn't funny! Open this thing! I can't believe you'd try and scare me like that!

-Scare you?

Her voice went deep all of a sudden

-My dear boy, the last thing i want for you is to face this trial scared.

She raised her hands and her eyes started bleeding, followed by her mouth and ears.

I sprinted at her but before i could reach her she glared at me.

-Didn't you know Selth? He is alive...

Her eyes exploded and blood came off them in a horribly fast pace, she then colapsed in the ground.

I checked her pulse, she was dead...I have no idea why i checked her pulse, no one who lost that amount of blood would be alive anymore..All that was left of her was an eyeless bloodfilled smiling corpse.

I stood there crying for a while, then i heard a voice coming from far.

-Come...For you to leave you must press on forward..

I stood up slowly looking at a hall where the voice seemed to come from, a trial huh? As scared as i was i needed to face this..If i stood here i had more chance to have Vanessa's fate.

I pressed on forward.

09-02-2014

I looked at my watch..It was already past midnight..

Even though i walked a good 30 minutes the hallway didn't seem to end. I hoped my flashlight's batery didn't end..Suddenly the thought of going back before it did crossed my mind and as it did i saw the first rule of this trial written in blood on the wall.

"Don't even look back, he will punish you if you do"

WHAT? Does that mean whoever made this is here watching me?!?

I looked back to see if someone was there but my punishment...I'm preety sure it was a slap but it was as strong as a concrete fist punching me in the face, it was so strong i fell on the ground.

I did my best to stand up again without looking back.

I kept on moving aware someone was behind me, watching my every move, i tried talking to...it.

-Why are you doing this?

No response.

I avoided looking back to face the same punishment and pressed on.

Soon the light struck my face and i shut my eyes a lil, as i pointed my flashlight a lil bit lower i noticed there was a turn on the hallway to the left and aparently the light i saw was the reflection of my flashlight into a mirror.

As i faced the mirror there was a bloody message right above my reflection saying "The one who thinks he is superior to him".

As i looked into the mirror i tried to see the reflection of who was behind me, nobody was there, i looked back again only to receive another slap, this time so strong i flew at the mirror hitting my forehead on it.

It took me a while to come to myself after that but when i looked at my own blood on the floor another message was there "Don't test him human".

I stood up again slowlier this time rubbing my forehead with all the care not to look back again.

I carried on through the corridor on the left, for some reason i was seing red, maybe the blood on my forehead was on my eyes, i rubbed my eyes but it was the same, maybe the flashlight was acting up, no matter, i must move forward.

I must have walked another 20-30 minutes and for some reason my flashlight exploded, i would say broke but the glass shattered and the lightbulb exploded, i was in complete darkness then i heard a voice.

-He is near..

My whole body chilled, how was i supposed to keep on moving in complete darkness? I shutted my eyes afraid of what might happen but then i hear another voice.

-Open your eyes human...And carry forward...

As i opened my eyes i saw the whole corridor red as if it was lit by a strange light from behind me, i was however smart enough not to look back this time.

I walked a bit forward only to see another bloody message on the wall aproving my line of thought "Good Boy" And an arrow was pointing down at something on the floor..MY PHONE!

I quickly picket it up and thought of calling the police but there was no reception.

I was about to put it back on my pocket when i got a phone call, how could that be possible? There was no reception!

As i looked down to my phone to see who was calling me my whole body shivered, it was...xCursedBlack...

I awsered the call only to hear the voice of my nightmares.

-Having fun yet?

-Kaiser! Why are you doing this? I'm sorry! Please stop this! I only spoke like that because i was with a girl on the room the other day!

-Oh i'm not doing anything dear friend, he is.

-Who?!

-The spirit living inside me, he warned you you know? He said he was alive.

-Who is alive Kaiser? Look i don't care, tell him to stop! He already killed my friend! He's a psycopath!

-He didn't kill anyone, he never kills, he is just teaching you a lesson.

Unconsciously i turned back as i was holding my phone but i was slapped again, i flew a good 5 feet and dropped my phone but somehow my phone switched to Speaker only to hear Kaiser laughing.

-You turned back didn't you? Yeah he's like that, avoid that though and press forward, he doesn't seem far away now.

The call ended.

I crawled to where i thought my phone was but for some reason nothing was there, another voice confirmed my fears.

-Your reward is over..Press forward..

I stood up again and kept on forward.

I soon arrived at the end of the corridor, a lit up room, i looked up to see the glass roof, the moon was full and it was lighting the room.

As i looked back down i saw him...He was wearing a black robe, his eyes were red and he had some huge claws..He was smiling at me.

-Is it over?...Did i finish your stupid trial?..

He walked slowly in my direction, i moved back a lil but i crashed against something, as i looked back to see what it was i was slapped again, the slap made me fly at his feet and as he gazed down at me he finally said:

-No..

I started crying and punching the ground.

-Why are you doing this?..Haven't i been through enough?

-Rise

I stood up slowly only to face him, his red eyes pierced through me, it was hard to stand up with such eyes glaring at me as they were looking at my very soul.

-Do you think you are superior to me?

It was hard to talk but as i managed to say some words i finally replied:

-No..You made that clear now..

He stood silent for a while but then he raised one of his claws and pinned me to the ground.

-YOU LIE!

-I DON'T I SWEAR! PLEASE STOP! PLEEEASE! I BEG YOU! DON'T KILL ME!

-Oh i won't kill you, all of you at least.

-W..What do you mean?

-I am merely gonna kill your ego Selth, you will never EVER feel superior to anyone again!

His claws then pierced my chest and afterwards it was dark...Everything was dark...

19-05-2014

I woke up...

My phone was ringing...It was Vanessa..

-H..Hello?

-Hey baby! Did you sleep well?

I started crying..Was this all a bad dream?

-Baby? What are you crying at?

-Nothing..I'm just glad you are alive..

-Why wouldn't i be? You won't kill your girlfriend that easly! Now come on, we have to go to church.

-Okay then...

I turned off my phone and got up. I had this ich on my chest and as i was gonna scratch it i realized i was wearing a necklace.

When i looked at it..It was a pentagram...Why would i be wearing that?

I didn't took it off for safety, as i got up i looked in the mirror and the message i saw made me shout in fear. It said:

"Don't you know? The Devil is alive, he has an angel face and a human body, and when you anger him, his eyes turn red and his claws grow sharp."

Creepypasta by Kaiser Delacross aka xCursedBlack  