Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24820168-20140524144205/@comment-9967354-20140524151535

This started off well, actually. But the ending was a bit too abrupt. Maybe you could smoothen it out by popping in some unnecessary details. Maybe you could make the message more unsettling by roughly describing the voice over a call. It could be computerized, it could be unnaturally high-pitched. Maybe everyone else gets the call, and a whole new mystery begins.

It'll change the story somewhat, but I think the story would be better off if you fix the ending. I like the fact that your character has a life outside of the story, really. I like the fact that he can think things through for himself. But he couldn't complete a sentence?

You should skim through your story for grammatical errors. And use source mode while posting it on the site, to avoid the large mass of black text that this post was.