Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25155143-20140712040136/@comment-25558572-20140712200513

This is probably going to be a very lengthy pasta if this is the opening. And while longer pastas can be good, I really prefer to see shorter ones, and people will be more likely to comment on them because they take less time to read.

I suggest removing the first part, with the boy in the car, entirely, unless it's necessary to the story. Try to shorten your sentences whenever possible, and don't include unimportant details. Get straight to the point.

And I didn't find this pasta to be unnerving, sorry. It was really rather boring, there wasn't much to keep me engaged. I know this is just a draft, but you need to work on cutting it down and throwing in some interesting ideas.