Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26447851-20160828065326/@comment-26444017-20160905192742

After reading through the idea, and the other replies so far, I want to start by saying that I whole heartedly agree with what ChristianWallis says. Start writing. Get something significant, something with substance, on paper or in your computer. Spend time refining it as much as you can after that, making sure plot makes sense and characters have... well, character. Once you have done all of that, put it up in workshop and let the community work its magic. They will find errors, inconsistencies, and awkwardness that you overlooked. In particular, ChristianWallis is very, very good at picking out errors. Once that is done, make final edits, and try to post it. By this point, it has been reviewed and tweaked both by the content creator, you, and by the community that will read it, us.

As far as the actual story goes, I feel that the concept can work, but if your character is going to be that strong, then I think the best thing to do is to make him an enigma with a purpose. If he is an obvious character in the middle of everything and perfectly well defined, then it will feel like the Mary Stu you are worried about. Make him an important force, but not necessarily the direct focus of the action. You also need to give him a compelling reason for doing the things he does. In most cases, "He went crazy one day" is not enough. That's one of the major reasons why Jeff the Killer and all of its clones failed. Instead, write his actions so that they make sense. Don't force it, though. Create the character's personality, and let that dictate what he does.

As a final note, this story, if it is going to be a narrative, NEEDS a strong ending. The nature of the character is going to make this difficult, and unfortunately, I don't currently have a good point of advice about that. It's so subjective to what you want to do with it that we really can't dictate that.