Talk:My Baby/@comment-24841732-20140506235040/@comment-24841732-20140507021424

I belive you can add a voice while keeping the same feel and emotion, I really do.

I get what you are saying about he wife, but you don't know she is dead untill the end. I know telling is a no-no in storytelling, so maybe a flashback that kind of shows her personality in life? You don't really get the feel of how "happy" they used to be, so you can't see the changes in their realationship so it doesn't seem as bad. Find a way to contrast it.

Also, if you are using "baby" as a name, you are supposed to capitalise it in that case, whether it is actually their name or not, same as how you would say "she is my grandma" or "I love you, Grandma." because it is a title.

A soliloquy could help it alot, and give the narrorator a voice. Try typing up one, and hit me up in chat, maybe we can bounce some ideas of each other.

Despite what my review showed, I liked this. I was kind of trying to pull a "you" and not worry about the good, because pointing out the bad is what will help you. This story Isn't my favorite by a long shot, but it is so emoitional that it just works. You are definatly capable of writing me a 10/10, but the challenges you placed on yourself made it difficult to have it perfect.