Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36095001-20180822011625/@comment-35911608-20180822113216

Xernhacks wrote: RedNovaTyrant wrote: Oh. Oh I get it. Red Ink. Yeah.

Sorry, bit of a yawn fest. It's just crossing the line from Telling to Showing, but it's still too listed: "I did this, then I went here, then this happened."

It wasn't frightening. I'm not even sure if game pastas are accepted on here anymore. Even if there's no rule against them, I think the community is sick of them by now anyways.

Thank you.

I'll try to make an original pasta soon...

Could you tell me how to show a little bit better? I tried a first person perspective but it didn't really work.

Again, I appreciate the review.

It's not really the perspective that was the problem. You can still tell too much in any perspective. You could change all the I's in your CP as it is to Jim or something, and it'd still be a lot of telling. You have some amount of description, but it could be better and more fleshed out.

But overall, the topic of the fear isn't particularly frightening. As I said before, haunted games and game pastas in general aren't well received generally. Here's a full list of cliches that one should be aware of, there's a full section on Game Cliches here: https://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Clich%C3%A9s

Note that I didn't say "avoid". I say "be aware of" because if it's in the story, you may want to look at it again and ask yourself if it's actually scary.