Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30861466-20180505175756/@comment-35447404-20180508221057

It's weird, bad weird. The character says right out of the bat he's aware of the existence of vampires, but he finds it weird and freaks out when he sees his dad hasn't aged a day? I mist confess I lost interest in reading the rest right then and there. If your character is savvy about the supernatural he should not be freaked by some strange occurance. If he is not savvy, then he shouldn't act so casual about the existence of vampires, and the first part of the story should be more elaborated.

If he knows about his parent immortality, then there's no need to describe his reaction to his father not aging. Get on with it and go directly to what happens in the story. There's no reason to be beating about the bush with such minimal info. It doesn't create suspense, it just gets boring. Suspense is built between things that are happening or should be happening. There is nothing suspenseful about description.

Focus more on what's happening in the story and the character's action. Setting up that action is important, but don't get carried away with it. Also, I had no idea when and where everything was going down, so imagining the characters was even harder, which also made me lose interest in them faster. Drop some hints or state outright when and where the story is taking place.

Also, the bad parent bit is a cliche. Cliches ain't always bad, but the bad parent cliche feels lazy when the child doesn't feel anything positive towards their family. Its used best when it creates a moral dilemma: my father is a bad person, but I love him and he's family, what should I do? Scrap the whole running away from home part, it's been done to death already.