Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25994649-20150110234311/@comment-24281984-20150113173600

There are a number of very obvious mechanical mistakes in this.

First of all, the spacing is very odd- you only need to indent a new paragraph if a character speaks or you're making a new one. It's much easier to read that way.

Your capitalization is all over the place. You ONLY capitalize the first word of every sentence or the name of a person or place. Run this through Microsoft Word to find out exactly which capitals are in the wrong places because there are way too many for me to list.

Some of your words are not spelled correctly. "Fantasys" (sic) should be "fantasies", "Hero's" (sic) should be "heroes". Spellcheckers are not hard to find and you can correct each error automatically on some programs by highlighting the mispelled word, right-clicking and selecting the correctly spelled version.

On top of that, this story isn't meeting our Quality Standards. It's very basic and relies completely on shock value, which is not executed well enough to be shocking or interest the reader. The rape scenes in particular are quite tasteless and are more likely to offend or disgust than scare. I'd say that you don't work on proofreading this- start a new idea and work on a different story, because this one probably isn't going to be accepted here.

Read this: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Style_Guide_for_Writing for help on how to proofread. I reccomend using a Word program for your next story because it can help catch most of your errors before pasting it onto the forum here.

This: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:How_to_Write_Creepypasta is some general advice on how to make a good Creepypasta. It's worth your time to read it and keep the tips and advice in mind when you go to make a new pasta.

Hopefully this was helpful!