Creepypasta Wiki:Deletion Appeal

== "Suffering From Nightmares" by MidnightPsychoWri Yet another one of my stories got deleted. I read the quality standards that had to be met, read 2 guides from this page to better my writing, ran the story through 3 spell-checkers and read the story to myself. What was wrong with my story? ==

Here is a copy: https://pastebin.com/yggkkD93


 * It literally repeats a majority of the issues I pointed out earlier. Here're examples of the awkward wording: "Yet another nightmare taking advantage on one of my fears.", "I'm actually surprised with myself that I was able to keep this a constant thing. I had another nightmare. It's very different from the last one.", "By mistake, I kicked up sand which ended up getting in my eyes, forcing me to stop running (also,, while this is a dream, it seems unlikely that someone would kick sand into their own eyes while running.", "I guess that chain of consistency (you are not using the word properly) is no more. Surprise, I had another nightmare. (If things are consistent, like having nightmares, there's actually no real change if the protagonist has another dream.)", "Kevin Johnson was found in his bedroom with multiple stab wounds around his body." etc.


 * Redundancies: "Gravity seemed to be nonexistent and I felt extremely light.", "I was falling through the sky, a night sky.", "Coyotes, 2 packs of coyotes were staring at me with menacing, orange eyes. (also how does he differentiate the two packs. A pack isn't a set number and can actually be quite large.)", etc.


 * Spelling/wording: "In the ended, the coyotes caught up with me.", " I can still hear my own pleads and begs for it to end in my head", "Christmas came and left quickly. I didn't spend the festive holiday surround (sic) by my family and friends, but with crumpled up pieces of paper sprawled on the floor and cans of red bull (Red Bull) all over the place.", "When examining his body, doctors found that his ribs and lungs were crushed. It was theorized that heavyweight (heavy weight, also for being a police/coroner's report this needs quite a lot of work to make it sound more formal.) around the chest area was the cause. etc.


 * The plot holes are back: "The following entries were found in New York City in the apartment of Kevin Johnson, who was found in critical condition by the police. He later died in hospital from his injuries." / "The police have ruled out Kevin's death as a suicide but some skeptics say it was murder. To this day, no one knows exactly how long Kevin Johnson's body sat in his apartment before it was uncovered but one thing was confirmed... Kevin Johnson suffered immensely before his death"


 * Story issues cont.: The protagonist's random jump from scientific reasoning to it being the work of demons feels incredibly forced. "I may have a disorder called 'Nightmare disorder' also called 'Dream anxiety disorder'. Other articles say that it maybe be caused by supernatural forces such as demons. I wanted to believe the more rational option but something at the back of my mind tells me it's a demon. I don't believe in demons and angels so this seemed crazy to me." In four sentences the protagonist waffles back and forth to the point of absurdity.


 * Story issues end: There are other issues here, but due to the fact that you're repeating a lot of the problems I pointed out earlier, I'm going to wrap it up with this: The story really doesn't work as a journal pasta as a lot of the story feels rushed and overly expository. It doesn't actually feel like someone is writing this and rather that you are writing it as a medium. Here's a guide on writing journal entries. Another note, the next time a story is posted that repeats these issues, the explanation will be much shorter. I'd suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as it seems like you're overlooking quite a lot. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:33, November 2, 2017 (UTC)


 * Am I allowed to repost the story when I revise it and fill in the inconsistancies or no? Also thank you for your time and advice.


 * Please read the header above. Appeals need to be cleared in order to post a revised version. If you want for your appeal to be considered again, the story needs to be drastically re-written (i.e. an entire re-write). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:53, November 2, 2017 (UTC)


 * I see, so all I have to do is rewritten the story and then send the link to it here? Sorry but I never really used creepypasta wiki for writing that much up until last week.


 * At this point since the appeal has been overturned, the story will need drastic revision to even be considered so as not to foster multiple re-appeals for the same story. Your best bet would be to re-write it completely and post it to the writer's workshop as there are a lot of fundamental problems here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:06, November 2, 2017 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your time. I will revise it in the future but for now I'm focusing on another story. O f course now I'll be careful not to repeat the mistakes mentioned. Again, thank you.
 * Thank you for your time. I will revise it in the future but for now I'm focusing on another story. O f course now I'll be careful not to repeat the mistakes mentioned. Again, thank you.

"Perchta" by MidnightPsychoWrites
Hello again. It seems that yet another story of mine got deleted. Is it because of the same reason that "Wrie" got deleted for?

I'm sorry if I'm asking repeatedly, I don't mean to disturb anyone.

Here is a copy of that story: https://pastebin.com/jJLzm3jR


 * Yeah. I would suggest carefully reading the advice given to you as you repeat a lot of the issues Dupin pointed out. The spelling issues are still here ("Nothing could save him from the faith (sic) he was about to meet") as well as awkward wording, redundancies, grammatical, and story issues.


 * Awkward wording: "Thomas quivered under his bed sheets, scared to absolute death.", " Everyone in the room he was sharing started weeping and crying", "The figure said nothing else and, with another hand (there's no mention of the first hand before in this paragraph), held Robert down by the head.", etc. I would suggest reading the story aloud to yourself to catch these instances of awkward wording. A general rule of thumb is that if something sounds awkward when you read it to yourself, then it should be revised.


 * Redundancies: Avoid reusing the same words over in the same sentence and try to avoid restating the same thing twice in a row. "He tried to tell himself that maybe he would luck out this year like last time, but it was inevitable this year.", "Only mere seconds later, the silence was broken by heavy footsteps, coming closer and closer to his room. Yes, heavy footsteps slowly approached the room.", "It fumbled around in what seemed to be a rug sack and pulled out a smaller rug sack.", etc.


 * Grammar: "It untied the knot closing it and spilled the contents in Robert(')s almost hollow mess of a body." It's=it is, its=possession. "Then, it slowly started impaling him with it's (its) long, notched claw.", "It wiggled it's (its) claw around, cutting and slashing a big vertical line across his belly.", "It reached inside and started pulling out whatever came to it's (its) hand.", "Then, it stopped to reach for something around it's (its) back.", etc.


 * Story issues: Given that you're using the Perchta myth for your story, you do need to try and fix up some of the inconsistencies. "No one in history has ever survived an encounter with Perchta." The entity has been widely known to spare hard workers (and even reward them). Additionally, you state earlier in the story how the protagonist avoided the Perchta last year. There's quite a bit more you can do with this folklore to make it feel true to the legend and effective.


 * Story issues cont.: The story needs a lot of work with its descriptions. Lines like: "He watched on, frozen in fear as the figure extended a big hand with sharp claws.", "Horrifically, the figure, with one claw from her other hand, started to lift up his shirt.", and "As he peeked, he could only see red eyes peering at everyone, the silhouette was nothing more than a blob of black." are pretty good examples of areas that need to be more descriptive. Given that this is based off of an old tale, there are a lot of illustrations and descriptions of the creature. Leaving it at something with big claws and red eyes is a pretty generic description that really weakens the story. They really don't paint a visual image of the entity and since it's the major focus of the story, this comes off as a bit bland.


 * Story issues cont.: There are other plot issues, but I think the last one I'll be focusing on is the real lack of story here and its plot holes. The Perchta arrives, cuts someone open, stuffs them and then the story ends. It comes off as anticlimactic. It feels like there's more you can do with this narrative especially the fact that this is a repeating event. This isn't the first time the Perchta has done this, so why aren't the children attempting to flee during all of this? Also, where are the owners of the orphanage during all this? If this occurred last year (and all the children died except the protagonist as the story states), where are the caretakers during all of this (especially with the fact that the Perchta is not being quiet and the children are screaming)? I'm sorry, but this story really doesn't meet our quality standards and needs quite a lot of revision. I'd suggest reading the advice Dupin gave you as another story which has these same issues will likely be deleted. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:57, November 1, 2017 (UTC)

"Write" by MidnightPsychoWrites
I got a message saying that my story "Write" did not meet quality standards. Why is this? I was in the middle of editing my story and it got deleted. There were no spelling errors and I ensured that the story was structured well. Please do tell me what rule my story voilate. I would love it if my story could be let back onto the page. Thank you.

Here is a copy of the story: https://pastebin.com/4f4v7DXE


 * Hello. I'm afraid your story does not meet our Quality Standards.


 * First of all, there are numerous spelling mistakes (for example, 'attict ', 'spary ' and 'meerily'). Another proofread with a spell-checker at hand would have helped greatly.


 * Second, the way you structured your story worked against you. The first 3/4 of your story is exposition and background and only at the last part do we get anything remotely scary/interesting. And I'm afraid that moment wasn't strong either. Generally speaking, getting to the point as fast as possible is the best way to go and I highly advice throwing something interesting at the reader to grab their attention from the start.


 * The plot itself was unfortunately nothing spectacular either. I suggest you keep reading stories so that you get a better feel of what is creepy. You can find such stories here and on my profile, under "Favourite Stories". Also, don't forget to keep practicing your writing. Reading and writing is key to becoming a better writer. MrDupin (talk) 14:33, November 1, 2017 (UTC)
 * I see, thank you for your time.
 * I see, thank you for your time.

"What's Wrong With Their Faces" by nosleep1000
What's Wrong With Their Faces

I literally just went to sleep for the night and was going to finish in the morning. Drirton (talk) 15:09, June 23, 2017 (UTC)


 * It doesn't change the site rules. We don't accept unfinished pages and there were five separate entries you didn't add missing from the story. As this wiki has had issues in the past with unfinished stories, we only accept completed versions now. You can post the story in its entirety, just don't do it piecemeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:18, June 23, 2017 (UTC)

"Laughing Jack" by Steve Aikins
Laughing Jack

There was no official reason given but I presume LOLSKELETONS considered it a "trollpasta". I don't see how it is. It's one of my favourite stories. Also, I do intend on revising/formatting it a bit to be more easy to read and aesthetically pleasing. I'm currently working on it now but it'll be available here by noon later today. Thanks. Drirton (talk) 04:19, June 23, 2017 (UTC)


 * The appeal is for contesting your own deletions, not others. As such I'm turning down this appeal outright and stating the original reason why the series was deleted (Quality Standards. If you're looking for it, you can find it on the troll pasta wiki and the creepypasta classics wiki. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:50, June 23, 2017 (UTC)


 * I don't understand. I submitted the deletion appeal because I was unable to simple create the page. Looking at its history, it doesn't seem to have ever been created to begin with. How could it have been deleted due to quality standards when nothing was posted before? I even revised it and posted it to Pastebin. Perhaps my version meets quality standards. Please reconsider. Drirton (talk) 05:17, June 23, 2017 (UTC)


 * I'm sorry, but a deal was already struck between the founder of this wiki and the original author of the story and it has been transferred over to the creepypasta classics wiki and we're not accepting alternate/revised versions on this wiki (feel free to message the admins on that wiki if you're looking for a place to post). As your story only corrects the mechanical problems present in the story and not the plot issues, I'm still denying this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:22, June 23, 2017 (UTC)

To make a Blood-Mirror
I worked hard on that; it's hostile to new writers to randomly delete their work for no reason or without even suggesting what might be changed in order to meet your nebulous and frankly baffling standards.

Auset Bradford (talk) 21:21, June 14, 2017 (UTC)Auset Bradford


 * As per the rules of Deletion Appeal, your appeal has been denied since you did not provide a copy of your story. MrDupin (talk) 08:00, June 15, 2017 (UTC)

Another Blood Runs Red
My pasta, Another Blood Runs Red, was deleted for being a "wall of text". I have taken the time to break it's paragraphs into smaller, bite-size bits that, according to the wiki rules, are apparently about as much text a person can handle reading in one chunk. I split the larger, novel-blocked paragraphs into ones mimicking other approved pastas, and as no other reasons were cited for deletion, I would therefore like my revised copy of the pasta ( Located at https://pastebin.com/6GgQpnzt ) restored.

Milkmandiaries (talk) 07:55, June 23, 2017 (UTC)Milkmandiaries


 * I'm sorry, but the story was actually deleted for not being up to out quality standards due to numerous capitalization, punctuation, formatting, wording, and other issues that really weigh down the story.


 * Redundancies: Avoid using the same word multiple times in the same sentence as it comes off as repetitive. "The blood filled the etchings on the coffin I had previously not noticed in the dark, and then seeped upwards into the wall, defying physics and reality, revealing a message on the wall, written in my own blood, and illuminated by the awful, blood red glow that room with no light had.", "I knew, I knew it was alive, and I knew, it was looking straight at me.", "If I could jump like a flea, they might be fun to jump along like I was Mario, but as I got closer, their size began to awe me.", etc.


 * Capitalization: You have a tendency to improperly capitalize words after using ellipses. An ellipses signify a pause in a sentence. Unless you're starting a new sentence after them or using a proper noun, the words should not be capitalized. "I could see the sky through the second floor and roof, as if they were as clear as reddish glass, to see a massive… Thing (thing), looking down at me.", The next morning, I woke up feeling… Quite (quite) good.", "my sister had… Disappeared (disappeared)", etc.


 * Capitalization cont.: You also have a tendency to improperly capitalize dialogue tags. Unless it's a completely separate sentence or a proper noun, the words proceeding quotations shouldn't be capitalized. "Love you guys!” My (my) sister replied", "“Someone came and crushed the teapot I ordered!” My (my) grandma exclaimed", "“I-I was curious what that phrase could mean!” She (she) stammered back.", etc.


 * Grammar/misc.: You tend to switch up your usage of it's/its and use it improperly a couple of times. it's=it is, its=possession. "I could not see its face, and it’s (its) form barely registered as a creature of any kind", "just as before it organized it’s (its) meaning into my mind" Misc.: "I locked the door to the bedroom that served as my grandparent’s (grandparents' as they're plural and the room doesn't belong to just one of them) computer room," "her.But (space needed) when I saw my sister’s face" "“Love you too.(comma should be used instead of a period. A period is only used in dialogue if it's the end of a sentence and there's no dialogue tags after it.)” I muttered"


 * Format: Starting with the basics, another thing about wiki formatting is that indenting paragraphs (like you have in the pastebin file) tends to cause white box errors which makes text difficult to read. Additionally paragraphs need a full space between them otherwise they will end up joined (32-33).


 * Conclusion: As the story was interesting enough and I didn't find too many sticking points in the plot, I'm going to turn down this appeal for now, but suggest you message me on my talk page once you make these revisions as the overall plot of the story doesn't have a lot of issues and could make for an interesting read. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:39, June 23, 2017 (UTC)

The Fairy of Rotten Teeth
'''​I must say that was quick, but define your standards. What may be interesting to you, may not be the same for others, therefore your quality is in questioned. It is hard for us already to get our stories out there, yet instead of offering suggestions, you dismiss it when it goes by YOUR standards. Give us a break, we pour our hearts into these stories and you crush them instead of giving them a chance. I must say, I'm actually quite disappointed in this site. After this, I will not posted anymore of my stories in case they may be rejected without proper cause. Therefore, you might as well delete my other one. I must say, what makes a good character? Any character? Truth is, it's different for everyone and is judge differently. I quite regret coming a part of Creepypasta Wiki, since it doesn't seem like they give anyone a chance, but instead wait until they delete your story before actually explaining theirselves. Honestly, I am surprise that anyone is a part of this wiki based on having their stories rejected. It's a plain shame.'''


 * I'm sorry that our quality standards of requiring stories to meet basic english levels disappointed you. We have those standards to ensure authors spend time on their stories rather than cranking out a lot of subpar stories all at once. Your two stories have a lot of issues and it seems fairly obvious that you spent little to no time proof-reading this (as you're about to see below). There are a lot of capitalization, wording, spelling, and story issues here that result in a story that fails to meet the bare minimum standards for this site.


 * Capitalization: You tend to try and capitalize regular words and fail to capitalize the start of sentences. "Before he could go to bed, he wanted to wish James 'Good Night (good night).'", "(At, as you shouldn't start a sentence with numerals) 3 a.m., James wakes up to a crashing sound coming from his brother's room.", etc.


 * Wording errors: Awkward/missing words. "He removed his pillow and placed his to underneath.", "James jump in surprise and in pain before he saw his brother laughing on the floor.", "His eyes made their way to the floor to see triplets (droplets, triplets is something else entirely) of blood coming from Austin's pillow and the discarded teeth laying in the pools of blood", "Its teeth were jagged and dripping of blood that glistened even the darkness.", etc.


 * Spelling: "Austin goes back to is (his) room and places the pillow on top of his removed tooth.", "James sighs and pulls the covers over his body and reaches over to turn of (off) his lamp.", "James's screamed echoed throughout the house", etc.


 * Story issues: You frequently change tenses in the story from present tense ("He is startled and quickly comes to his feet. He stumbles trying to get out his door, nearly falling over himself.") to past tense ("The moment didn't last long, as he dashed towards the hallway. He was going to wake his mom and dad, they needed to call the police.") and back again.


 * Story issues: "I must say, what makes a good character" The answer to that is a relatable character with traits. Your character didn't really have that. The only real bit of characterization we get is his rough-housing with his brother and even then it's a throw-away line that has little to no impact on the story. As the audience, we know nothing about the character's habits, hobbies, or personality. They come across as more of a stock character (scared child #1) than an actual person, which really results in a uninteresting story.


 * Story issues cont.:: The story is rushed and the descriptions are pretty generic. Descriptors like this are bland: "Long claws with burned hands came from the cloak, and a thick hood covered the thing's face. James screamed in horror as the hood moved to show the monster's face. A long, narrow face with a missing noise (sic) and a creepy smile." What made the smile creepy, what unnerved him so much about the thing's face? This feels like a really generic description that doesn't paint a picture for the audience. I'm sorry, but for only being a page long there's a massive amount of errors here. Please spend time revising your stories as it feels like this was written all in one sitting with very little time spent correcting the capitalization, wording, spelling, and rushed/generic descriptions. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:25, June 24, 2017 (UTC)


 * It seems though you forget that most people work very hard on their works. You focus on all the little details that some people don't even care about. That's why I have created my own Wiki page. One were people can come to and not feel as judged. The point of the site is to get suggestions, not rejections. But you reject them more than you do by helping them. And then they can't resubmit the pasta, even if they make it better. That really sad for people that want to fix their characters, but can't put them back on here unless it goes through you. That's why I refuse to put up another story on here. Maybe stop being less strict, and let the readers decide what they want. Besides, I don't see you creating stories. At least, not in the same way most of these people have to go through.


 * Actually the purpose of this wiki is to read good stories and improve your writing. Those small details like basic writing rules and time spent editing are what compose a good writer. We aren't looking for author who don't even bother fixing up their own stories or spending times on them. Best of luck on your new wiki. I would have pointed you to the other wikis created for the same purpose you mentioned, but most have fallen into inactivity as most users don't care to read poorly written stories by authors who don't have any intention of improving their work. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:16, June 24, 2017 (UTC)
 * Look, yes I guess small details matter, but flat out rejecting people is, how do you say, a bit of an asshole thing to do. You don't suggest the flaws to them right there and then. Instead, you strip away their chance of doing better. If they reposted a character and it is ten times better than before, you ban them. That is not a way to improve their works. It makes them hate the Wiki because they end up feeling like trash. Honestly, the only reason why this Wiki is doing better is because of the name. That is pretty much it. Slenderman, Jeff the Killer, etc. Are those really that better? Personally no. They are popular because of Fanservice, not because of the story, believe me. If it doesn't get Fanservice, truthfully, you probably don't care where it ends up.
 * Look, yes I guess small details matter, but flat out rejecting people is, how do you say, a bit of an asshole thing to do. You don't suggest the flaws to them right there and then. Instead, you strip away their chance of doing better. If they reposted a character and it is ten times better than before, you ban them. That is not a way to improve their works. It makes them hate the Wiki because they end up feeling like trash. Honestly, the only reason why this Wiki is doing better is because of the name. That is pretty much it. Slenderman, Jeff the Killer, etc. Are those really that better? Personally no. They are popular because of Fanservice, not because of the story, believe me. If it doesn't get Fanservice, truthfully, you probably don't care where it ends up.


 * I'm sorry, but the onus for writing falls on the author. We have the writer's workshop as a means of helping users who are having trouble with their stories and are unable to reach our standards. Additionally they can message an admin if their story is deleted and inquire about what went wrong to improve, but if we were to spend time detailing every deletion. For example, I deleted five stories today (one unfinished, and four with severe plot and mechanical issues). If I spent thirty minutes on each, I wouldn't have time to do other things on the site or write myself. This is a literature site that is looking for quality stories whose authors have actually spent time working on and revising. Now, as this is no longer about your story's deletion appeal, I'm going to ask you to message me if you have any more questions as this forum is for contesting deleted stories. 02:38, June 24, 2017 (UTC)

The Haunted Nutcracker
I just want to see what I did wrong this time. I will admit, I paid much closer attention to the details this time. I don't know if you can do this, if you still have it on memory, send it to me. I didn't write it down and I want to post it on Deviantart so I can edited it. That is if can, but if can't, I'll just have to rewrite it. Just want to see what was up with it.


 * The appeal is being turned down for not following the header above. Here is a copy of the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:28, July 20, 2017 (UTC)

"A Dismembered Pirate Figure"
Hello,I'm the author of this story,and i would like to know why it got deleted,i'm not angry,but i would like to know why it got deleted, i mean,it doesn't have any grammar errors,it doesn't include gore or blood,it doesn't have an ending where the character always dies,as i said before, i'm not angry,but i would just like to know why it got deleted.


 * It was absolutely riddled with grammar errors including missing spaces, punctuation, incorrect capitalisation, not to mention the whole thing was one giant wall of text. Please read the rules and quality standards and proof read your own work and you'll see how it falls shorts of what's expected here ChristianWallis (talk) 09:03, June 26, 2017 (UTC)

I understand,thank you for telling me this.

The Manhole
I am the author of The Manhole. I spent a long time writing what was going to happen in that pasta, and a couple days ago, I began writing. I experienced some of my work not saving where I stored it, and some other stuff. And when I finally uploaded it after fixing mistakes. And it got deleted within 20 minutes. But maybe I did something wrong so let me look through the cliches, site rules, and quality standards.

Proofreading: I put my story in spellcheck.net and I even went over it in the editor, so I'm not sure that proofreading was it.

Wall of text: I spaced out each paragraph and I made ABSOLUTELY SURE, not to indent as I read it could mess with the format. So, this can't be it.

Cliches: Alright, I'm not sure if I had any cliches in my pasta. 1. No Jeff formula 2. No Pointless violence. 3. My character did believe it to be over, because it was over. 4. There was no LOOK BEHIND YOU or THERE'S A SKELETON IN YOUR CLOSET sort of thing. 5. No describing of the eyes as every anyway I could've described them was considered a cliche, but I did describe what around the things eyes looked like. 6. Okay, I'm going to be here all day writing what I did right, and I think my creepypasta wasn't on long enough for people to read it, and eventually find a problem. So please take my appeal into consideration.


 * I'm sorry, but there are far too many mechanical (grammar, punctuation, capitalization, wording, and redundancies) and plot issues here. Starting with the basics, a number of paragraphs were joined together because there was not a full space between them. Onto the mechanical issues:


 * Grammar: It's=it is, its=possession. "Now having said that, the town did have it's fair share of very creepy moments for me.", "Then, I saw it's face for the first time.", etc.


 * Punctuation: You're missing quite a lot of necessary punctuation in the story. "When I thought the coast was clear I got up and everything went black", "One responded, (quotation missing)Your dad saw your car in front of the house this morning at around 5 am with no trace of you (wouldn't the presence of the car be a trace of them?)."", "we noticed that there was an opening." One (one) said.", "But there was no trace of any there except them.” He (he) added", etc. You also have a tendency to improperly capitalize dialogue tags.


 * Wording: "Like the time someone broke into my house when I was 7, or the time someone followed me home (from) school.", "The feeling of dread lurked over (awkward wording) as I got closer and closer to opening the door.", "I (was) too petrified shine my light at its face.", "He said he saw stray pieces of clothing, with what looked like it had blood on it (clunky wording)", etc.


 * Redundancies: You have a tendency to repeat words/phrases in a manner that comes off as repetitive. "But all those events do not scratch the surface of...a very strange series of events.", " I had rented an apartment near my college, as the college had no dorms and it was two hours from my old house.", "There must've been another entry point I didn't see, or kids somehow sneaked in my entry point.", etc.


 * Story issues: Your story could use a lot more effective description and explanation here. Lines like: "Since I was an adult now, I decided I would just wander around down there for awhile." and "His face was gray, there was black around his eyes." really highlight the issue. How does being an adult result in him deciding to enter the sewers? I assume you're meaning to say that they're no longer scared of the things that frightened them as a child and are deciding to confront their fear, but without that explanation, it just comes off as an odd statement. Describing a monster as having a gray face and black eyes is pretty bland description (especially since a lot of stories use black eyes when describing their monster).


 * Story issues cont.: It feels like this was written all at once as the ending has a lot of issues. You forget to space out dialogue and it comes off as a jumble. Which of the officers is saying what and why are they alternating sentences like that? ""We arrived and found a crowbar by the entrance of the manhole out front." "We got a team of 5 other people and told some of them to go one way while we went another." "My team went to the forest and we found a building with you in it." "But what happened to me when you found me?" I responded."


 * Story issues end: The ending also feels a bit forced. "I stay clear of the manhole and for a long time, I never brought it up. Well, that was the case until now..." Why exactly are they bringing it up now then? It feels like you left out a paragraph where the protagonist comes across some evidence that the horrors aren't over and is now writing this. Additionally, why isn't the protagonist alerting the police to what he found in the sewers. It feels kind of odd that they would come across someone ("It surprised me. It was a man around my age. He had scrapes on his face and a mangled hand.") and not bother to mention it to the police? Also, what police come across blood while searching for someone and don't do a full search of the area? I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:45, July 3, 2017 (UTC)

Alright, thanks for taking this into consideration.

What the heck!? The inked man.
My story met the quality standards and I didn't break any rules!


 * It really didn't meet our quality standards. Starting with the basics (discussed on the quality standards page by the way), the story is one large paragraph. It makes the text appear blocky. On top of that, there are spacing ("He wasn’t so much tattooed as vandalized, defaced."), punctuation ("As she was about a mile from her home(comma missing) she saw him in the reflection again", ""That Damn Cat", (punctuation improperly left out of quotations) she thought.", "As she undressed to put on some more comfortable clothing she was greeted with his crooked ravenous smile in her mirror."etc.), capitalization ("Everyone just called him The Inked Man.", ""That Damn (damn) Cat (cat)", she thought."), wording ("Late one night off in the distance Angel could (have) sworn she saw his reflection but as she looked again nothing was there."), and story issues. For being only thirty sentences long, there are an inordinate number of issues here.


 * Plot issues: The twist that the Inked man is writing the story feels really forced and awkward. ("Wherever you go there I am. Don't let your screams be the last thing to make a sound.") Why exactly write about himself from an outside perspective and shift it at the very end? ("Nobody knew his real name. Everyone just called him The Inked Man.") Additionally how does he know any of the information in the story when he's not present for it. ("Late one night off in the distance Angel could sworn she saw his reflection but as she looked again nothing was there.", "She brushed it off because it had been an excruciatingly long day.", etc.) It really doesn't make much sense for him to do this. This type of twist worked in the Agatha Christie novel as there were references to it and an explanation for why they were writing it, here it just feels out of place.


 * A rushed plot: I'm sorry, but you have a tendency to rush through the story itself. Just look at the climax of the story for example: "She screamed as his hatchet plunged into her. Nobody could save her now, nobody would hear her blood curdling screams. It was over" This is sorely lacking description and there's little build-up here. You spend more time describing the Inked Man that telling the story main plot itself, which brings me to another issues.


 * This comes off like a vehicle to introduce your OC/CPC rather than an actual story. You spend half of the story describing the Inked Man and the rest feels like an afterthought that lacks build-up or any real tension. The Inked Man kills a girl and it ends with the plot hole-creating twist that the Inked Man was writing the entire story. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of capitalization, formatting, punctuation, spacing, wording, and story issues here which result in the story falling below our basic quality standards. I suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as these issues are quite noticeable. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:50, July 6, 2017 (UTC)

Jack In the Box
This just isnt fair. I had nothing that had grammer issues, and I had taken time to read you standers and expections! What was so bad about this?


 * I'm sorry but this story is riddled with errors. There are: capitalization, punctuation, spacing, wording, and a massive amount of cliches present here. To be fair, I'll use the latest version after Squidmanescape corrected all of your grammatical issues ("the clown had red tear-like going down from it’s (its) eyes").


 * Capitalization: "Does anyone remember owning a Jack In The Box (you don't capitalize prepositions unless they start the title. Jack In The Box should be Jack in the Box.)", "I was doing my first “Spring Cleaning”", etc. You also have a tendency to not capitalize "I" properly. There were about a dozen instances of that throughout the story.


 * Punctuation: Questions (even rhetorical ones) need question marks. "Does anyone remember owning a Jack In The Box in the early 90’s.(?)", "You know the box with a clown/jester inside with the Pop Goes The Weasel tune winding the thing up for the “surprise".(?)", etc.


 * Awkward wording: "Of course, as I grew into my teen years, I was tired of playing with it and put it in a “Childhood Toys Box” for my children I was hoping I would have one day.", "However, the clown had red tear-like (tear-like what? Tear-like is an adjective, meaning that it's describing something.) going down from its eyes, and seemed like freshly new wet red paint.", " When I finished, I decided to microwave my left overs (leftovers) from last night('s) dinner.", "Going downstairs, I noticed blood stains in (on) my carpet.", "I found in the middle of my floor was the Jack In The Box. It was like spilt water, except a big blood stain. (awkward wording)", "To this day, I still believe that fucking toy had some demon possession (two nouns) or some shit.", etc.


 * Spacing: You forget to properly space after using punctuation a number of times throughout the story. "Many years later, when I had settled into my own house just in the residential area of Anaheim,California (space needed),", "Naturally, I was worried that something had happened (I have no pets in my house) and went searching for a cause.In (space needed)", etc.


 * Tense shifting: You have a tendency to shift from telling the story in past tense ("I found in the middle of my floor was the Jack In The Box." to present tense ("Then I notice a knife in the right hand of the clown.") multiple times throughout the story. You need to be uniform with your tensing.


 * Story issues: The story uses a lot of tropes in a very generic manner. Cliches like: crying blood ("However, the clown had red tear-like going down from its eyes, and seemed like freshly new wet red paint. With curiosity racing through my mind, I rubbed a little of the paint on the tip of my pointer finger, and I realized it was a stream of blood."), distorted music ("the tune was playing, but it was was distorted." Additionally distorted isn't a good descriptor as it doesn't really paint a picture for how it's distorted.), and "I will never ______ again" ("I will most likely never know, but I know I will never in my lifetime will ever own another Jack In The Box.", etc. weakens the story overall as it just feels like it's a random assortment of tropes picked up from other stories.


 * Story issues cont.: A lot of your description is very bland. Lines like: "It was like spilt water, except a big blood stain.", "the tune was playing, but it was was distorted.", and "With a sudden pain, I look to see my wrist was bloody, and I looked at the knife, which had blood on it." are good examples of this. You have a tendency to overuse blood and not build-up the scenes effectively. Calling something distorted without adding on to it to say how it's distorted (Is it low and growling, is it high-pitched and grating?) really results in an un-involving plot.


 * Story issues final: There are more issues here, but the last one I'm going to focus on is the incredibly rushed nature of the story. There's no real build-up or tension here. The plot can be summed up with "I picked up a bloody clown toy and it cut me. Then I threw it away" which really doesn't make the story engaging. I'm going to suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story because if your following work has this many issues, it's likely to be deleted outright for failing to meet the bare minimum of our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:50, July 15, 2017 (UTC)

Mystery About Monokuma's Existence
Mystery About Monokuma's Existence

My creepypasta, which it was a short theory-pasta, was deleted an hour ago. I was unsure what kind of mistakes and errors I did. Can you tell me why it was denied for good reasons? Thanks. - Thehumilator23 (talk) 14:05, July 20, 2017 (UTC)


 * I'm not the admin who deleted the story, but I can see quite a few issues at a glance. The main ones are clunky/awkward wording and plot issues. As such, I'm turning down the appeal for the reasons outlined below.


 * Wording issues: "He is infamously known to be associated and controlled by Junko Enoshima, the girl who is responsible within the "Killing Game" itself. (If you're going to be using the word infamous, you do need to include reasons why they're reviled. Remember that a majority of the people who are reading this story have no idea who these characters are or the plot in general so leaving out explanations results in bland storytelling.)", "His most distinct feature is his Yin-Yang body, which represents both evil and good. (I think you left out the word colored/pattern as just saying yin-yang body doesn't really paint a descriptive picture.)", "However, many legends surround his real history and the real reason for his murderous behaviour, not that he is controlled.".


 * Wording issues cont.: "This teddy bear, now named as Monokuma, prompting revenge to the owner who abandoned him day and night.", "Others say that the spirit of a serial killer, who once murdered children in cold blood by using manipulation tactics such as offering them for a walk, had possessed into his own teddy bear inside his house.", etc. I would suggest reading your story aloud to identify issues of clunky wording. A general rule of thumb is that if it sounds awkward when read aloud, it should be revised.


 * Story issues: There needs to be a lot more explanation and descriptive elements here. Remember that a majority of the people who are reading this story have no idea who these characters are or the plot in general so leaving out explanations results in bland storytelling and can result in a lot of confusion about the characters/plot. Take this line for example: "Neither the students of Hope's Peak Academy nor even the Ultimate Despair, Junko Enoshima, know anything about his real history.". It doesn't really work to gloss over something so important-sounding as 'the Ultimate Despair' which detracts from the story itself.


 * Story issues cont.: In the end, this story feels more like a bio for a character that belongs on the villains wiki or the Danganronpa wiki rather than an actual creepypasta. There really isn't any elements of telling a cohesive story here and a quick google search (see link above) goes into a lot more detail about the character's history. The theory section of your story proposes two separate theories (the serial killer and the abandoned toy idea) to the character's backstory, but doesn't really give any supporting evidence to back up these claims. Also, proposing two separate theories ends up weakening your story as it makes it seem like supposition and conjecture. I'm sorry, but these wording and plot issues really weaken the overall story so I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:28, July 20, 2017 (UTC)

Cyber
Okay i believe that my story being instantaniously deleted is somewhat unfair considering the fact I'm new to this I still have a lot to learn but if your'e instantly deleting my stories I don't really have that big of a chance to learn because people don't have a chance to comment criticism my first story was deleted i understand it wasnt that good but i think this one was half decent at least not angry just think its somewhat unfair.


 * I'm sorry, but I don't find it hard to believe that deleting a 23 sentence story is too ridiculous for a two minute span. Especially considering the massive amount of capitalization, punctuation, spacing, wording, and story issues present. Perhaps if you spent more time on it, admins would be more apt to spend more time reading it before deciding whether or not it's up to quality standards. A general rule of thumb is that if a story has more issues than it does sentences, it's likely to be deleted the instant and admin identifies all the problems.


 * Capitalization: You improperly capitalize a number of words. "remix. 2 (Two) hours later he woke up to a noise", "“This is why you don’t anger me(comma missing)” The (the) man said.", "Okay here i’m (I'm) going to state that i’m (I'm) not angry that my story got removed I understand (it seems like you don't actually understand)", etc.


 * Punctuation: A lot of your sentences are missing proper punctuation. "he took a break to hop onto twitch to see his favorite streamer streaming(,/.) he started talking in chat.", "So eventually he saved up enough he immediately booted it up when he got it", "The game was simple enough just a shooting game pretty much but he was still pretty bad at it because he just got it", "He went a few more matches like this, until one player said he was gonna track him, again he shrugged it off because he thought this one was bluffing too after the match he got off and started working on the remix again.", etc.


 * Spacing: A majority of your story is told in a single paragraph (20+ sentences) which results in the text coming off as blocky and like a wall of text. A typical paragraph is five to ten sentences long. Any shorter and the story feels anemic. Any more and the text is difficult to read and it impacts story flow. You also forget to properly put a space after punctuation. "The man said.The man pulled the trigger."


 * Wording: "Samuel pulled out his laptop and starting making a remix out of a(an) internet celebrity." Run on sentences: " remix. 2 hours later he woke up to a noise, it sounded like metal clanking, he looked outside to see a man dressed in all black holding a pistol he staggered back not knowing what to do he tried to scream but he couldn’t the man smashed through the window putting the pistol to Sam’s head(period missing)"


 * Story issues: There's a real lack of description and explanation that weakens the story. Take these lines for example: "He did feel a little uncomfortable as he seemed like he meant it as the others didn’t" and "he staggered back not knowing what to do he tried to scream but he couldn’t the man smashed through the window putting the pistol to Sam’s head". How exactly does the guy track him down, show up to his house, and kill the protagonist in the span of two hours? Additionally why does Sam feel like this guy's threat is sincere when basically everyone is telling him the same things? ("He got death threats but he just shook them off because he knew they were bluffing.") How does he know that group is bluffing, but this guy isn't when there's no real attempt to differentiate them?


 * Story issues cont.: There are more issues here, but frankly, I don't like writing reviews that are longer than the story themselves as it implies I'm putting more time into them than the author themselves so I'm just going to wrap it up with this. The story feels incredibly rushed, as if it were written in a single sitting. The lack of description also renders the story pretty bland. Here's the climax of your story for example: "it sounded like metal clanking, he looked outside to see a man dressed in all black holding a pistol he staggered back not knowing what to do he tried to scream but he couldn’t the man smashed through the window putting the pistol to Sam’s head". There isn't any real build-up here. The guy says he's going to kill the protagonist and he (somehow) manages to show up at his house in the span of a few hours to shoot him. There's no description and very little effective writing here. For these reasons I'm turning down your appeal and suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:39, July 21, 2017 (UTC)

Dark Man
This must be a mistake. The article was ready to be on this wiki.


 * No mistake here. Your story failed to meet our quality standards due to a large amount of punctuation, wording, grammar, and story issues and is in no way ready for the wiki. As there have been no changes made, this appeal is being turned down for the issues outlined below.


 * Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "it's existence is anonymous.", "Eventually, people say that the man would go around the dead bodies and that the man would make a giant black stain under it's self", "he would cannibalize and rape the bodies of it's victims.", "Eventually the man brought the woman's bones as well on the same location, as he went and strike it's new victim.", etc.


 * Punctuation: Apostrophes used on words that are in no way contractions. "Eventually, there we're (were) no reports of the Dark Man being seen anywhere.", "Three girls we're (were) having a normal sleepover, everything was fine", "The girls didn't even see the face, they we're (were) distracted talking to each other, having fun", etc. Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "the girls room, only to find the black stain, on the girl's bed."


 * Wording: "The man would stay on the building for a hour, finding a dead victim for it's pleasure", "Researchers claim that the stain is really a another dimension", "As they came closer to the window, the man went trough the window smiling at them.", "Few days later, the Japanese police found a piece of paper on the black stain, where the woman got missing.", "Do not let your self come here. You will get surrounded by everything you never wanted to see in your life, cannibalized,raped and killed dead bodies of different aged people.", "The teen even saw it's cannibalized friend inside of the dimension starting to cry, as he some how pulled out, running away fastest as he could, reporting every detail to the news", etc. It feels like this was written in one sitting and no time was spent on proof-reading the story to correct the numerous issues.


 * Story issues: You have a tendency to improperly use pronouns throughout the story. "he would cannibalize and rape the bodies of it's victims.", "In Japan 1983, a woman was taking it's dog for a walk.", "the woman couldn't do anything to relax it's dog.", etc. Remember you need to be uniform with your pronouns. If the creature is gender neutral, use the pronoun it. Men are referred to as he and women are she when using their respective pronouns.


 * Story issues: The story feels incredibly rushed. Take these lines for example: "The Dark Man is described to be a (an) old, tall, skinny, humanoid creature, with a (an) extremely disturbing facial expression." and "Theorist claim that the man really killed a infinite number of people, and that one one could solve the mystery behind of his reasoning's (sic) to do so." The description needs a lot work, what makes the expression so disturbing, what are the creature's physical attributes that differentiate it from a human? How did he kill an infinite number of people (besides being physically impossible)?


 * Conclusion: I'm sorry but there are way too many mechanical issues here (involving punctuation, grammar, and wording) as well as plot issues that result in the story being below our quality standards. As such, this appeal is being turned down and I'm strongly advising you to use the writer's workshop for your next story as your future works will be deleted if they possess the same issues that are present here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:38, August 1, 2017 (UTC)

What is a writer's workshop?.

Mister Stitches
i'm not sure why you deleted my story. i personally do not feel that it violated any of the community standards. my only request is that you message me the entire story so that i may post it somewhere else.


 * Your story (here is a copy) was deleted as it failed to meet our quality standards for having multiple capitalization, spacing, formatting, punctuation, and story issues.


 * Capitalization: You fail to properly capitalize "I" and the start of multiple sentences. ""Ten years in the tailoring business and i still have nothing to show for it." the man muttered.", "twitched. he then got to work. he cut a small incision in the woodworker's skin, keep removing the skin of the dead corpse, He ignored the blood that was spewing from the dead body. he calmly began to clean out the blood and dispose of the parts of the body that he didn't need. he then", etc. You also fail to capitalize proper nouns. "man." sally then rushed upstairs and locked the door.", "satisfied. he proceeded to walk towards the stairs to where sally was.", etc.


 * Formatting: A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences long. Any smaller and the text appears anemic, any larger and it's blocky and difficult to read. Your last paragraph is over thirty sentences long and is in desperate need of breaking up.


 * Punctuation: You improperly use periods in dialogue. ""Ten years in the tailoring business and i still have nothing to show for it.(should be a comma)" the man muttered.", "i must ask you to leave.(should be a comma)" he said", ""Hello." said a familiar voice.", etc.


 * Spacing: You also forget to properly space out sentences after periods and quotations on multiple occasions. "London.How may i help you?", "" Your daughter would love to see your work. I will know when you are done, so there is no need to come and get me."" You also need to space out dialogue so two speakers are never on the same paragraph (Like they are here. ""This is quite the strange gift sir." the man smiled with a sparkle in his eyes. "this was a work that took me the whole year to make.(quotations missing) the gears in the arm turned as it got up. Sally was scared."


 * Story issues: I'm sorry, but your story violates our blacklist by featuring characters you didn't create. Their inclusion also feels really shoe-horned in to the story and has no impact on the plot itself. It feels like you could have subbed out Laughing Jack with a Sonic plush and not changed the story in any meaningful manner which makes it seem unnecessary.


 * Story issues cont.: Additionally the story feels unfinished ""You performed exactly as i expected. I am a worker for a church, dedicated to bringing a man back from behind the wall. He is coming back. and he wants you." The angelic looking man smiled." The ending you currently have feels more like you're trying to set up a series, but this really isn't an effective ending as it comes across as you trying to bring your OC/CPC into existence.


 * Conclusion: I'm turning down this appeal for all the issues listed above. Re-posting your story will result in a temporary ban. I hope you work on these issues wherever you decide to post your story as it will likely be deleted on another wiki if you don't put in the time to correct these numerous basic English errors. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:38, August 1, 2017 (UTC)

Thanks for ptoving me right
I just want to thank you so much for proving that I am really a terrible writer, I just should give up. I'm leaving here because if I can't translate a short story good enough, I shound't be with you, talents of the terror.


 * I'm sorry you feel that way. Almost everyone who starts out writing is going to have issues that they need to work through and improve on. Quitting after receiving a negative response isn't really going to help you improve. The issues in this story mainly involves the awkward wording, spelling, missing words, and the plot itself.


 * Wording issues: "The ground is harder than I have though (thought), I need my feet and my weigh (weight) to make the shovel go deep into the dark", " I need my feet and my weitgh to make the shovel go deep into the dark (earth?).", "I’m digging (digging) her cave (grave) into the dark earth of my background", etc.


 * Awkward wording: "Pieces of the brown stuff looks like stones while I dig the cave", "I still feeling her nails digging my arms, I still seeing the life going away, I still with the sensation of her neck breking under my hands.", "She’s dead and she still watching me.", "I pull her body and she looking at me.", "I promised I would take care of you, her voices comes from six feet under, I don’t break promises(punctuation missing)", etc.


 * Run-on sentences: "Her eyes are mocking me, she saying low and slow, her voices sounds like a whisper coming from hell, my girlfriend killed me with her bare hands, she murdered me so nobody would have me."


 * Story issues: It also feels like you tried to switch up the plot from the girlfriend being the one who was murdered ("She’s not breathing, her heart is not beating, but her eyes moves and stare at everything that I’m doing. ") to the girlfriend being the one who killed someone ("my girlfriend killed me with her bare hands, she murdered me so nobody would have me.").


 * Story issues cont.: The biggest issue here is that there isn't much story here. It's just someone digging a grave for their girlfriend. You don't really give any insight into what happened between them and as a result the story ends up dragging. I'd suggest using the writer's workshop if you plan on taking up writing again as with feedback and work, you could probably salvage a story that otherwise fails to meet our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:22, August 14, 2017 (UTC)

Dream Reapers (User has decided to get feedback first before attempting an appeal)
Hi,

I just joined the wiki and first of all I am so sorry for reuploading the story I wrote.

The message you send me came late and I saw it after I reuploaded it.

So Dream Reapers got deleted because ”Unusual formatting and several walls o' text”.

I actually thought that you meant with this that I used ' instead of ” when people talk.

Though I am very pleased that it is not because of grammar or spelling issues (due to the fact that i have dyslexia).

My bad. However I do like to know how I can fix the walls of text problem.

I read a lot of books so I am used to it, but if I know where to split the text to two that would be nice.

I hope that the story itself was scary enough, I have put a lot of work in to it.

Copy: http://fav.me/daxer9u

Wiki entry: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Dream_Reapers

Greetings,

Marjolein Bakker

MarjoleinB (talk) 16:50, August 15, 2017 (UTC)


 * Actually it was deleted for not meeting quality standards by MrDupin. When you reuploaded it, I noted a number of punctuation, capitalization, and wording issues as well as plot problems. I would strongly suggest not making your appeal at this time, otherwise it will likely result in your appeal being denied. Your best bet would be to submit it to the writer's workshop. If not done in the next hour, the appeal will proceed. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:57, August 15, 2017 (UTC)

I will submit it to the writer's workshop then. Can you point out the mistakes that I made so I can change them?


 * There's quite a few so I will do that once the post goes up on the WW. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:12, August 15, 2017 (UTC)

I think i got some out, but if you would like to help me with the rest and how to make the plot better than that would be great! http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:590370

"Inside the Grocery" by Klazomania45
My creepypasta was deleted two minutes after me posting it. For not meeting "quality guidelines". Despite my grammar being completely perfect on the story. The fact it had very little to no cliches, and it was simply a story about an apocalyptic situation where overzealous people instead of trusting the government they immediately went to hide. Which lead to their downfall. I believe it was deleted because of the "Daddy, when are we going home?" statement at the beginning. Which was to both set the mood and tie into the ending. I was going to acquire a copy, but when I went back to the page after closing it to free up tab space. It was deleted, preventing me from doing any of those things.


 * Your story was actually deleted for the mechanical issues and rushed nature/ineffective use of the plot. There were quite a lot of capitalization, punctuation, incomplete sentences, and wording errors as well as plot issues which I'll outline below.


 * Mechanical issues: There are quite a few issues here for being only about a page long running from punctuation ("Gun's (Guns, plural words do not need apostrophes) were fired behind the doors, and with that", "Several day's (days) past and the mother and father woke up to the sound of rumbling in the streets.", "They were in Philadelphia, and when they stopped.(should be a comma as it's an incomplete sentence) They didn't stop on their own.", "etc.).


 * Sentence structure issues (A lot of your sentences are cut off/incomplete. "Sliding out of their vehicle.(, As 'sliding out of their vehicle' isn't a complete sentence on its own.) The mother placed her hands along the handle of the door and pulled it open with a loud ding." and "The little girl stayed up all night. Looking at the doors.", "they could get some help from. Maybe siphon gas from their truck when they got out and left.", etc. I'd suggest looking over and reading your story aloud, adding full stops where there are periods. If it feels awkward or incomplete, generally that sentence is incorrect. As there about a half a dozen other issues of this in the story, I'd say this is the most prevalent error here), as well as wording issues ("Her eyes flickered (flicked) open, they'd been driving for about an hour and she was fast asleep thirty minutes before that.", "Several day's past (passed) and the mother and father woke up to the sound of rumbling in the streets.") as well as other small issues. That being said, most of the problem lies in the story itself which is what led to the story's deletion.


 * Story issues: The story could have been more effectively done if it didn't feel so rushed. You try to set up everything within a page and a half (really three paragraphs) and it really doesn't have the emotional impact you were looking for. There's no real sense of desperation and there are quite a few plot holes to be had in the story. The climax at the end of the story: "She asked the man in the gas mask, "Daddy, when are we going home?" Before (before) being shot by the man wearing the gas mask." doesn't really work effectively as there isn't much set-up to make the scene hit home. You describe a zombie outbreak in the beginning, but don't really build on that to make it dramatic or set the scene. It almost feels implausible that in the midst of all this, that they'd be the only ones outside in downtown Phili in a metropolitan area as well. Why is everyone else following the curfew except for this family for the first day or so? How have they managed to drive so far in the midst of a quarantine through a busy section of town? How have they been in this grocery market for days without encountering anyone else? It might work in a small town, but it feels like a real stretch in a city that has over a million people in it.


 * Story issues cont.: Additionally, as you're going for a more atmospheric/thematic approach (as mentioned above) lines like this for example feel anticlimactic: "When he ran to the door, a bullet rang out from behind the doors (redundant) and the father dropped down to the ground with a thump. A man wearing a gas mask walked in with his assault rifle raised, and shot the mother of the little girl." and come off as bland as they don't really have much of an emotional impact or visceral feel. Remember these are the main characters to the story. It comes off as pretty lackluster for them all to die in a few sentences without really any reaction or attempt to engage the audience. The conclusion at the end also feels out-of-place ("But those words rang out through his head, "Daddy, when are we going home?" He repeated them as they continued their sweep of the city, and did their jobs as they were ordered.") as there's no real use of effective description to make anything of what you described in the appeal above work.


 * Conclusion: I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues here and the story feels way to rushed through to be effective. It might work if this were more fleshed out and we could see the emotional impact that the girl's death has on the man, but for now, it feels more like the rough draft with a skeleton plot. I'm turning down this appeal for the issues outlined above which resulted in the story being below our quality standards and providing you with a copy of your story for reference. I suggest using the writer's workshop (link in the deletion message) for your next story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:51, August 21, 2017 (UTC)

Shadow Walker, Shadow Talker
Hello,

I was wondering why my story, Shadow Walker, Shadow Talker was deleted. I read all the pages I was supposed to and made sure it met the right requirements, so the only reason I can think of is that it was too similar to other creepypastas. Thanks!

Respectfully, RainaTheRogue


 * Starting with the basic capitalization issues: Improperly capitalized dialogue tags and words. ""Why do you run away?" It (it) said in this high pitched voice.", ""Please don't run..." It (it) said.", "If you can read this, Thing That Is Stalking Me, just tell me what you want.", etc.


 * Story issues: Starting with the introduction, "You guys might be the only people who will believe me. I'm being stalked by a creepypasta in real life.", this feels like a really ham-fisted opening. It breaks immersion immediately and was added to our Cliche list as it is a fairly problematic idea. Usually referencing creepypastas in creepypastas isn't a good tactic as it breaks immersion and generally doesn't create an involving atmosphere.


 * Story issues cont.: There are plot contradictions in the story. This line: "These are my notes concerning what happened after (the number of days is how many days I've gone without seeing it)" is at odds with the rest of the story especially since each journal entry from that point on describes the protagonist's encounter with the creature on an almost daily basis.


 * Story issues cont.: The diary entries have a number of problems. First and foremost, they are rushed. Condensing everything that happened into a few lines really robs the story a lot of its opportunities for effective story-telling. ("Day 3 - It happened again. I saw it. A shadow in the form of a person, while I was driving home from school. It was just standing under a copse of trees, staring at me. I got a ticket because I drove away from it too fast. I'm actually getting scared right now, this is the second time this has happened. It is just coincidence? I'm hoping to God it is.") There also isn't any real build-up or characterization. The protagonist encounters the creature and there's little tension here due to the nebulous description ("A shape in the form of a human"). Feel free to read over this guide on writing journal entries for more ideas on how to handle this style of story.


 * Story issues end: There are more issues here, but the last one I'm going to focus on is the lack of any real story development. The protagonist encounters the creature and it later tells them not to run. There isn't any real sense of escalation happening and there really doesn't seem to be any real reason why they're writing this. You open with this: "The reason I'm posting this on the creepypasta wiki is because I didn't know where else to turn." but seem to gloss over the numerous other people they could talk to. ("My parents are starting to get worried. I still haven't said anything to them. I'm too scared to.") They even get pulled over by the police trying to escape the entity and don't tell them anything. I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues present in the story that really result in it not being up to our quality standards. As such, I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:09, August 31, 2017 (UTC)

"House of Ghouls" and "The Eyes in the House" by JackRussel1337
Why where both mah two stories delated these were reel stories one realy happend to my freinds Eyes in the House and  theover was a story that I herd and is bleived by many to be true House of Ghouls. This are realy good and true story.


 * It doesn't matter if they were real if the stories are poorly written. Both were deleted for failing to meet the bare minimum quality standards. The plot is rushed, bland (lacking build-up/effective description), and riddled with typos. "My freinds have they (sic) had a photo taken infront of an old house but the camare broke and there was a blood curdling cream (sic) and more screams. The only file that was recovered was of the photo infont of the house and in the house (redundant) there was glowing blood red eyes that chills the soul. The photo later caught (sic) fire and was destasroyed (sic)" There are more errors here than there are sentences. As such this appeal is being turned down.


 * "A guy who bought a old house he was exited (sic) to have (sic) a new home. He arrived at his house but than (sic) he was attacked by ghouls, ghosts and goblins who tried (sic) to take him away. He never returned (sic) to that house and he dyed (what color?) a mouth (sic) later. A photo was taken of his body at the point of deaf (death) while there was nobody in the room and it showed a figure over his body. with (With) some cleaning up of the photo it was shown that the figure was of the SAME MAN! The hospital he dyed (sic) at later burned to the ground!"


 * I'm sorry but these are rushed, uninteresting, riddled with homophone, spelling, awkward wording, and the plot is almost non-existent. I'm turning both of these appeals down and suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story as it will also be deleted if you do not improve your writing. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:43, September 26, 2017 (UTC)

Not your normal light by hahavis
Reading the quality standarts I don't see to have broken them. Not your normal light Hahavis (talk) 13:02, October 6, 2017 (UTC)


 * I am afraid your story does not meet quality standards. The main issue is the plot/premise. It is a generic idea that is not fleshed out into something interesting. The monster is not that interesting itself and nothing interesting happens around it. I highly recommend you read some great stories, like the ones found on my profile (under the "Favourite Stories" tab) or in Category:Suggested Reading. Reading great stories will help you a lot in understanding how to write a great story yourself.


 * Your story also suffers from awkward wording/phrasing. An example is this sequence:


 * "As I begun undressing, just as I was pulling my T-shirt over my head, a very slight moment before that I thought I saw the same light again." - The timing is awkward in this. You basically say "as I was doing something, just as I was doing something else, before all that I did something different". This does not read easily, since you have three different things happening in different times. This is how you can fix it: "I begun undressing and just as I was pulling my T-shirt over my head, I thought I saw the same light again." - This is much easier to read than your sequence; it is more streamlined and it is clear what is happening and when.


 * Another example of awkward writing is the following:


 * "We aren't like that. We know each other so well, we are constantly helping each other. We celebrate birthdays together. We live and die together." - This is an exposition giving sequence. These sort of sequences tend to not be very interesting, especially when you are giving everyday life and "normal" information. This is made even worse by the fact you are using a repetitive pattern. All these sentences follow the same format and start with 'we'. All five of them. This combination of exposition + repetitiveness makes for a tiring read. You should be trying to change things up, especially when the content of your sentences don't hold anything interesting.


 * Finally, there are a couple of technical errors in this, like "house and it's previous owner" (should be 'its'). You can comb them out by rereading your story a couple more times.


 * Hope this review helped, if you have any questions feel free to ask. MrDupin (talk) 20:57, October 6, 2017 (UTC)

New Carpet For Sale
Hello, I am requesting that this story be reinstated. It is a six story pasta that was removed for "not being sinister enough" and "being too vague". I dont know why these are requirements but they are not part of the quality standards for this site. The story can be interpreted multiple ways but it has enough detail to be interpreted in a way that is sinister. There is no reason for this story to have been removed.

Thank you, Lavecki (talk) 18:24, October 10, 2017 (UTC)Lavecki


 * I'm sorry, but your story does not work effectively. Much like writing: "I was in my house this morning and I heard a noise." that could be used to infer something sinister or horror related, but in the end it doesn't do a good job using its limited number of words effectively. The original you were mimicking works because you are able to infer what that means and reach your own conclusion with the evidence given (Baby shoes are for sale, they were never worn. This could imply miscarriage, an infertile couple giving up, etc.). Yours is incredibly vague and could be taken to mean anything as there is no real effort to imply something horror-related has happened (a carpet is for sale, it's been cleaned. This could imply there was a brutal murder on it, it could imply that the owner wants a new carpet, it could mean that his pets soiled it and he doesn't want it around anymore. It's way too vague to be effective.) You could easily argue that the owner is selling the carpet for a number of reasons that have no horror implications. Another admin is free to weigh in, but I really don't think this is effectively written. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:35, October 10, 2017 (UTC)
 * Since I was also part of the deletion, I want to clarify some things on top of what Emp said. Your story was not deleted because it was "not sinister enough". The reason was that the story is not clearly sinister. When I read it, what I immediately thought was that a guy has a carpet up for sale, one that he cleaned. The sinister interpretation settled in later. That is the biggest obstacle writers of such short fiction face. Getting the disturbing interpretation in first.
 * The reason why the "baby shoes" story works is because it is instantly clear what happened. A couple bought shoes for an expected baby, but the baby never made it. It is clear, disturbing and, ultimately, hard-hitting.
 * It is very difficult to pull a story like this off. There is a reason why the "baby shoes" story is so well known. I'm afraid your story didn't meet the Quality Standards. MrDupin (talk) 19:15, October 10, 2017 (UTC)
 * Looks like I got cut off because of your response Dupin, but I thank you for your response. What I was typing when you responded however was this:
 * The story does work. You have allowed yourself to interpret it a different way, but even so Dupin, you were able to figure out what I wanted to imply eventually. The story you both are refferencing "For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn" is something that you are both, also, interpreting to mean something, much in the same way my story gets interpreted. The difference is that you have decided to interpret Baby Shoes as being sinister, where as my story you have decided not. The only thing we know about Baby Shoes is that A) there are baby shoes for sale and B) that they were never worn. The most common interpretation is that the couple lost the child or some facet there of. However, this can also be interpreted that the shoes are the wrong color, they were too small, they were too big, they were a gift but they already had shoes and didn't need them, these are the last shoes for a store going out of business. It's all about how you intperpret it. My story may not be as famous as Baby Shoes, but it has all the same context for you to figure out what I am trying to convey. I made sure to pick my words carefully as I only had six of them to work with. There is a reason my story is "New Carpet" and not "Carpet", there is little reason to have to clean a new carpet. Sure anything you said could be applied to my story, but by saying that you are also agreeing that anything I said can be applied to Baby Shoes. This story should not be taken down because you interpreted it in a different way than others might.
 * Thank you, Lavecki
 * Hey Lavecki. I'm afraid in such short stories, first impressions are key and the first impression we get from your story is a tame one. It is very rare for micro-pastas to be good when the first impression is lacking.
 * I'm sorry, but this appeal has been denied. Best of luck in your future writing endeavors! MrDupin (talk) 19:44, October 10, 2017 (UTC)
 * Seriously? Because two people interpret a story one way the first read I am not allowed to have my story here? Please clarify if that's not the case because that is EXACTLY what you are saying. There is no reason for this. First impressions are not key in any micro fiction. Multiple reads are almost always necessary. Even Baby Shoes requires multiple reads. Not everyone gets it the first time around. Lavecki

Once again, you seem to be misinterpreting what we are saying. First and foremost, "Baby Shoes" is not in fact a horror story. ("The difference is that you have decided to interpret Baby Shoes as being sinister, where as my story you have decided not."). It is trying to tell a story in as few words as possible. If it were considered a horror story, it would fail at effectively conveying what the author is trying to relay as its multiple interpretations could range from the tragic to the mundane. Your story IS attempting to be a horror story and its vagueness and failure to effectively use its limited wording results in a story that fails to meet our standards. This appeal has been turned down, feel free to discuss it on either of out talk pages, but please do not clutter the appeal by viewing this as a subjective matter when in reality, given the points listed above, we are trying to be objective and pointing out that your story can be interpreted in multiple ways due to its nebulous writing which weakens the point you are trying to make with your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:31, October 10, 2017 (UTC)

Playground of Madness
Just says was deleted for "Quality Standards"

Could you be a little more specific so that maybe I can fix it or gain some life experience? I spent quite some time looking over the quality standards, discussion on posting a all kinds of stuff. I have not found any rules that I have broken, just kind messed up on the title (oops). Took me a while to figure how to do the posting part and you can probably find where my dumb self asked questions and the answers I got. If you just did not like the story and deleted it based on your ideas of what should be on the site, let me know and I'll go along my way. If I messed up some formatting, I can fix it. But since I cannot think of any standards I violated, I think you should undelete it. Still patiently waiting for your response.

--PartyL1keStink (talk) 20:03, October 13, 2017 (UTC)


 * Hey, so the bulk of the problems were structural and formatting errors. If you'd like more in-depth feedback you can post to the workshop where I'll offer a review. If you fix the mechanical problems it should be allowed back on the wikia. To be fair, most of the problems were mechanical so it shouldn't be a big problem for you to fix. I'm sorry it took me a while to get back to you on this by the way. I hope you can appreciate that a lot of us are busy. If you post your story this week I'll have the review up on the weekend ChristianWallis (talk) 12:46, October 30, 2017 (UTC)

ClawMaster A Short Story
What was wrong with this story? I see no grammar issues!


 * Then I would strongly suggest spending more time to brush up on your grammar as there are a lot of issues here. First and foremost, your story is a massive paragraph. Not only does it make the text very difficult to read, but it is also outlined in our quality standards as something that warrants a story's deletion ("Pages that are a single, massive block of text (Wall-o-Text) are hard to read. In short, they will be deleted."). The frequent capitalization, grammatical, wording, and story issues also played a factor in the story being deleted.


 * Capitalization issues: You randomly capitalize words in the middle of sentences. "Ma(comma missing) All (all) I Need (need) Is (is) fifty-cents for two tokens to play one claw machine!", "Bum Boop Bio Come Win A Prize Be Like The OtHEr Guys!", etc. You also forget to properly capitalize proper nouns. "a Terminator rail-shooter, Mortal combat (Mortal Kombat), basketball, and a candy play-till-u-win machine."


 * Grammatical issues: "He then looked at a Barbie doll who's (whose) face was too realistic to be a doll" It's=it is, its=possession. "It fought back though, it dug it's (its) now sharp prongs into his arms which was a pain so bad no little boy should ever feel, blood spattered, but he kept fighting.", "That's when the MasterClaw's Claw snapped, it's (its) main tool and brain.", "I tried to get a stuffed animal when I lost but the claw was trying to kill me and make me into one of it's (its) toys", etc.


 * Punctuation issues: "Todd Oren was a tourist from Reeves, Ohio(,/.) this was his first visit to Orlando and of course they went to Disney.", "Bum Boop Bio(./!) Come Win A Prize(,/./!) Be Like The OtHEr Guys!", etc. You also tend to re-use a lot of words in rapid succession. "He looked at the Luke Skywalker figure and realized it looked nothing like Mark Hamill. He then looked at a Barbie doll who's face was too realistic to be a doll, then he looked at a giant Imaginext Playset, every little part of it resembled faces." In two sentences you repeat the word "looked" four times. Avoid redundancies when writing as it tends to make the story feel bland when you're repeating the same words in rapid succession without it being a stylistic choice.


 * Fragmented/broken sentences: "Then strange plush animals that looked like children.", "Creepily realistic plushes of children.", etc. Awkward wording: "Todd was seven and stuffed easily creeped him out, even though he liked ghost stories, but these plushes were just wrong", "That's when the MasterClaw's Claw snapped, it's main tool and brain", "The spinning claw was stupid, yet scary and that's when he realized that those plushes were real people.", "That's when the plush cat turned into a real cat, orange.", etc. I would strongly suggest reading your story aloud to yourself to catch instances of awkward wording and broken sentences.


 * Formatting issues: You need to break this massive paragraph into smaller paragraphs. A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences long. Any longer and it comes off as blocky, any less and the text feels anemic. Additionally you need to space the text out so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. ("Ma All I Need Is fifty-cents for two tokens to play one claw machine!" "Finish your plate first then go, okay honey?" "Yes Mom!" Those kids loved those claw-machines she thought.") This is done to prevent misattribution issues and to improve story flow. If you're confused, feel free to read most books as they properly showcase how to space out dialogue.


 * Story issues: The story is incredibly rushed. It almost feels like this was written in a single sitting. There are a number of times where you misidentify the entity ("before he could cry Mom, MasterClaw grabbed him by the face", "That's when the MasterClaw's Claw snapped, it's main tool and brain.", etc.) that feels like these issues would have been caught if more time was being spent on this story.


 * A lot of the story needs work on its descriptions to make it more effective. "Then strange plush animals that looked like children. Creepily realistic plushes of children. Todd was seven and stuffed easily creeped him out, even though he liked ghost stories, but these plushes were just wrong." You need to work on putting the audience in the shoes of Todd to make the story feel more involving. Explain why the plush toys felt wrong, what unnerved him about them, etc?


 * Story issues: There are other issues but since this review is getting longer than the story itself I'll end it with this: "He was later called Carny, because of his arcade game origins. That's when they knew. ClawMaster isn't dead though." The ending feels incredibly anti-climactic. How does Todd know ClawMaster isn't dead? Where is there any indication to imply that he's still alive. Remember the previous lines before "That's when they knew. ClawMaster isn't dead though." is all about Carny the cat. I'm sorry, but this story fails to meet the bare minimum of our quality standards due to a massive amount of capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues. As no changes have been made to the story, I am turning down this appeal. I suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as these are a lot of errors to be overlooking. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:34, October 24, 2017 (UTC)

The Fox, The Light-Bulb, The Child
https://pastebin.com/6RyeNSKf

--Lamb93 (talk) 21:59, November 1, 2017 (UTC)Lamb93--Lamb93 (talk) 21:59, November 1, 2017 (UTC)


 * I am afraid the story did not meet the Quality Standards. Even though grammar and the technical side seems to be alright, the plot itself is nothing spectacular. It is simply an exhibition of a weird scene that amounts to a shock ending. I am afraid it is more like an intro to a larger story.


 * I suggest you read some good stories found either on my profile (under "Favourite Stories") or in the Suggested Reading category. Also, keep practicing and playing around with ideas. With enough patience you will get there.


 * Happy writing! MrDupin (talk) 10:24, November 3, 2017 (UTC)

DarkShift Sponge
So this story had some big problems I had noticed, so I edited them, so is it okay now? And if not what's the problem?

I'll paste this story here since I can't provide a link.


 * I'm sorry, but this story fails to meet the bare minimum quality standards for the site. Please note that this is not a complete list of all the errors present in the story as there are dozens upon dozens of errors here. As such, this is not comprehensive list.


 * Capitalization: "It was a few years ago, Two (two) or maybe even three I think", "seasons of spongebob (Spongebob), so my life was pretty normal.", ""Spongebob is that you, What (what) happened to you" the frightened starfish asked. ", etc. You also forget to capitalize proper nouns. "It was actually an episode of spongebob (Spongebob)", "It then cut to flashbacks of various spongebob characters performing acts of cruelness to spongebob and as more and more flashbacks appeared, spongebob got more depressed every time.", "looked very dead just like sermions...", etc.


 * Grammar: It's=it is, its=possession. "Its (It's) too late for that now you pathetic fool", "Well, its (it's) finally time that you'd ask", "its (it's) time for you to meet your fate".", etc.


 * Punctuation: Necessary punctuation missing where needed. "I was walking home from a dvd shop with a copy of the sixth season of spongebob in my hands(,/.) I noticed Sermion at the end of the street again looking at the cloudy sky in some creepy way for no apparent reason.", "I immediately looked back up to Sermion to question the man(')s sanity but as I did he was gone.", ""Spongebob is that you, What happened to you(?)" the frightened starfish asked.", etc.


 * Punctuation issues cont.: You tend to leave punctuation outside quotations. "before coming to me and saying(,/:) "Well, I see that you've got a nice disk over there, how about I give you another disk in return for that".(period should be inside the quotations)", "said(,/:) "I will put you back together".", "I'll squeeze out every organ in your body and paint pictures with your cold and fermented blood".", etc.


 * Spacing issues: "time.You could even say I was was a hardcore fan and I never even missed an episode from the first few seasons.", "Spongebob approached Mr.Krabs and pulled out a sharp and deadly knife", "Spongebob,you monster, what happened to you" ", etc. You also need to space out dialogue so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. "Spongebob,you monster, what happened to you" The old crab said. "Me, a monster, No crabs you are the monster, your greed and the cruelty of the others made me this, a hideous monster who can't resist killing anyone that is in his sight"."


 * Wording: "I always watched some type of cartoon from my cartoon fro (from) my childhood (Also awkwardly worded)", "I'll squeeze out every organ in your body and paint pictures with your cold and fermented blood"." (Blood doesn't ferment.), "His hand started to deform from a hand and form into a scythe with the most disturbing sounds. (Awkwardly worded)", "The sponge then approached Patrick and with a swing attacked and killed him before the screen turned black again, with only a bloody slash mark depicted on it. (awkwardly worded)", etc.


 * Story issues: The dialogue is incredibly awkward and cringe-y. Lines like: ""Spongebob,you monster, what happened to you" The old crab said. "Me, a monster, No crabs you are the monster, your greed and the cruelty of the others made me this, a hideous monster who can't resist killing anyone that is in his sight"." and ""I am the one that haunts and takes the lives of humans". "I am the one who manipulates and murders children in the darkness". "I am Sermion, Sermion the Demon, and its time for you to meet your fate"." are perfect examples. This feels more comical than what you were originally going for.


 * Story issues cont.: A lot of this story has unintentionally comical lines in it. "The cold blooded demon morphed himself into the body of Darkshift Spongebob and formed the same scythe he had used in the episode. I watched in dread as I was sure that those were the last moments of my life, and as he attacked me I fell in pain and the last things I could hear were the sirens of police cars pulling up near my house." and "The words written were "You have not escaped me" - Darkshift Spongebob.", "But to my surprise it wasn't any normal blank cd because at the top of it the word "Spongbob" (actually misspelled) was written in crooked and shaky letter, but the scariest part was that it seemed to be written in blood.", etc. I think this is mainly due to the premise and the character names which make it hard to take seriously.


 * Story issues end: There are other issues with the plot, but I'd like to wrap this up by saying that this story hits a lot of cliches that are common in Lost Episode stories (written in blood, realistic gore, dvd given by a sketchy looking person, etc.). In fact, I noticed that the abuse filter blocked this multiple times and I have to agree. This comes off like a lost episode story which currently needs a spinoff appeal in order to be posted. I'm sorry, but I'm turning down this appeal for the reasons listed above and am strongly suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story as a lot of these issues are writing fundamental problems. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:03, November 27, 2017 (UTC)

Aunt Cupid Deleted?
IT DID MEET THE STANDARDS!!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DELETE MY PAGES? CAN'T I EVER HAVE A PAGE CREATED BY ME!!! YOU GUYS ARE SO UNFAIR!!!


 * I'm sorry, but your story did not meet our quality standards. There are a large amount of awkward wording and wording errors present here as well as issues with the plot. I'd suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as this is the second story of yours I've deleted with the same type of errors.


 * Awkward wording: "As soon as I close my eyes, an image is what I see.", "The bloody nightmare just is around the corner!", "But two seconds before my ears bleed, I pinch myself", etc. I would try proof-reading your story aloud to catch instances of awkward wording that impact the story flow. A general rule of thumb is: If you have difficulty reading a line, then chances are it needs to be re-written.


 * Wording errors: "I hold a blue blanket and lay it on my bed, then take a sip of water, ready to go to bed (This is redundant. Try to avoid reusing words multiple times in the same sentence like 'then'.).", "Then the scary happens. (Even if this is intentionally written, it still devalues what you're trying to accomplish.)", "My ears bleed, then my heart stops, then I go dead (Once again, this is repetitive. Additionally it's very weak on description)", etc.


 * Story issues: A lot of this story is composed of generic cliches. Lines like: "Then it has a sentence written in blood. That is right. BLOOD!" and "I wake up, then I pinch myself. It hurts. It was all a dream actually." are ineffectively used and result in a bland story.


 * Story issues cont.: The story is extremely rushed. While I'm glad you moved on from just a generic bio., this story still feels like it was written in under an hour with little to no thought put into it. It basically amounts to: I had a nightmare, ' nightmares can feel very, very real!', end. It's uninteresting and comes off as hastily written. For example, where does the title come from? You make absolutely no mention of the character's background or even address the antagonist by the name you've given her. I'm sorry, but there are way too many errors here and the story is incredibly bland. As such I'm turning down this appeal and suggesting you use the writer's workshop for your next story as it will be deleted if it repeats the same errors you've had in your two previous works. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:08, December 9, 2017 (UTC)