Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-39490652-20190604014624/@comment-9041013-20190605001024

I couldn't keep a straight face while I was reading this. I don't mind the furries thing being mentioned here and there but it was all over the thing and it felt almost forced. like "I AM A FURRY AND THAT'S ALL I AM... A FUR COSTUME WEARING CHAP WITH NOTHING ELSE GOING ON OHHH AND MY WHOLE IS IS REVOLING AROUND PEOPLE WITH THE EXACT SAME MINDSET"

It escalated quickly into the realm of Freddy Kreuger rip-off. I mean, why would a guy go out of his way to slice up his girlfriend in a fit of rage, he's not meant to be calculated. He should've kicked her to death, ala Nero and then hastily got rid of the body. If he is mad, he is mad and not exactly calculated. Alright?

From there on it go worse, I mean, "he threw molotovs out of thin air" why? this is so silly. Also, one good molotov would've set the whole thing on fire.

Now I wonder why didn't you play into the Fred trying to escape only for the crowd to force him to stay locked in his burning house? that would've worked better for a vengeful ghost plot.

It felt really cartoonish to me.

The climactic part was pretty good, I liked how you set up the whole encounter, it felt like a good ghost story.

The ending was a bit off but I guess it's redeemable if you can just say the ghost followed them and what not.

I did like your use of formatting rather than caps too.

So I think you should reduce the focus on furries, remove some of the needless cursing and maybe get more of that Kreuger backstory with your own spit to it for Fred... *cough*

And then it could be a great piece.