Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35447404-20180505135118/@comment-9041013-20180506095806

EmperorinYellow wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: While I like this story, it's not the most original piece I've seen (I did the message from the future thing too, once), nothing bad about it, because you took a very scientific approach which makes it it's own thing.

Now this piece, for the casual reader, would seem a slightly too science savvy. Not everyone could get on board with the reasoning of the characters, course of action and what is even going on. It is a heavy piece for a person who has no clue in astronomy at all. A very heavy piece.

You've kept a nice tone throughout most of the piece but then you have a part where you wrote "crazy", should've gone for "losing control" or "going out of control" to sound more continuous. Felt really out of place.

As for the sciency stuff itself. - Time travel details are kind of fine, because we don't have this technology. - Space travel issues seem fine as well, because again, I'm not in NASA I don't know too much. - The astrophysics though, a whole lot of messed up, to the point where this story should've really ended when the exoantiplanet entered anything near a matter galaxy, the contact between matter and antimatter produces unreal amounts of energy. We actually find antimatter "objects" today by observing gamma ray blasts between visible objects (ei matter) and seemingly nothing (antimatter).

Now to put you into perspective of how much energy such impact produces, apparently one kg of antimatter contains about 43 megatons of boom.

You were detailing the collision between a Ceres sized exobody, (9.393±0.005)×1020 kg

Thats the mass of Ceres, now this is obviously tiny compared to earth, but it is still many many many tonns over the whatever dozen of tonns a space prob would have to be. This much matter/antimatter innahilation should created an explosion so freaking large it would produce enough force to probably damage not only the spaceship but also whatever can be affected by such radiation on earth.

Basically, upon contact, this whole thing should've blown up.

Let's just hope nobody does the math and your story's pretty good. Yeah, I was worried about the math, cause i suck at it. I know that the annihilation blast is a scale out of this world, the thing is, in order to avoid getting bogged down by math, or use the bare minimum for the story to make sense, I did away with many details about the future tech. We don't know the size of the probe or it's mass. The annihilation will only happen between the same amount of masses. A Ceres sized body has more than a trillion tons versus the how many tons the probe could weight. The mass annihilated would be equivalent to the probe's mass. I think that a Ceres sized body could survive this explosion mostly intact.. it's pretty big, but. It's fiction, and I ain't gonna do the math.

What inspired me to write the story is that in most documentaries about the Cosmos, those scientists always say, well, when we look at the night sky, all we see is matter, and I thought... well, maybe not... docs don't comvey all the info, but the avarege person has that in their baggage and I thought it would make an interesting story.

I'll review the whole thing and see if I can do away with some of the more harder science stuff, maybe improve the flow of things. Thanks for the Review! The exoplanet should survive the exposion, obviously, in pieces or in a single chunk, we don't know. The probe though, most likely going to be a size of a car or so, that is already a few tonnes of mass. Considering the amount of energy released in an event of 2kg innahilation of Hydrogen produces more than 17 thousand Fat Man bombs output... yeah... its... "Ka Boom!"