Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26543178-20150628015542/@comment-26475800-20150628030619

This is better in some ways, but there are a lot of the same issues. However, you had fixed some of the issues but not all. Why does it take so long for the power to come back on once you flipped the breaker back on? How does this cop know it was someone they were chasing for twenty years unless he was the one chasing him? A cop wouldn't be able to identify a person who had broken out of jail twenty years ago and was so deformed, unless he was that way while locked up, unless he was working on the case and knew the man? And if he was chasing him for so long, why wouldn't the killer leave the area where he was locked up in, that just seems like a stupid idea on his part; granted people who break the law normally aren't the smartest of people.

These are just a few questions that I asked myself while reading this that had taken me out of the story. These things should be fixed. If you are writing about something that is unreal, ghosts, monsters, gods and devils interfering with human life, people are willing to make more of an exception for those kinds of stories for not being believable. But when the story is something that could really happen you should make it seem like it really happened. Take away the questions, answer those questions one way or another.

There is a youtube channel which picks apart movies, its call cinemasins, which you should look into. Think like those people in plot holes, if you can find something that doesn't add up more people will. If you miss something less people will notice it if there is a mistake there.

The story still needs some tweaking in the development area. But once you get that handled it will make it much better, then get someone to plow through the grammar who could tell you everything that I cannot.

These are just my two cents, others may feel differently from me, and many people probably do, but this is just what I feel with the story. Honestly it could be good, but it still needs a little work.

I hope this doesn't come off harsh.