Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-3563804-20190119214558/@comment-3563804-20190120044544

NedWolfkin wrote: Spelling and Grammar Issues: This story has a bunch of issues. First off, do not use more than one question mark. There are missing letters and words, and wrongful wording throughout. You should always start a new paragraph when a new person is speaking. You often forget to ad -ed and -s at the end of words. Random capitalizations ("No, Everything fine"). There are a few instances when a period should be a comma. "he was holding an object who look like an axe." an object is not a person, "which" would have been a better word than "who". "that's was a lie" should be "that was a lie."

Spelling and Grammar Issues Continued: "I didn't want anyone else to panic if I say the truth." "say" should be "said". "Are you crazy young man, its a library here!" remember, its = possessive, it's = it is. "I was a bit pale after tnat." tnat should be "that". "I says in disbelieve,'Because" first off, you forgot the comma after "disbelieve" which in turn should be "disbelief".

Plot Issues: The story suffers from a lot of tense swaps. First off, why was the main character so agitated over someone looking at him? Then at class he has an outburst just because he sees the same boy holding an axe which makes him sound like an over-reacting lunatic. Then he hears footsteps and makes an even bigger bum of himself by trying to hide and has an outburst over a shadow. Then he goes to his friend who just so happens to have the newspaper clipping explaining the villain lying around which is too much of a coincidence, especially since it is somewhere super accessable as the kitchen. Then the friend says his grandparents told him about (which raises questions as to why they did), but you never go into detail about said story. Then for no reason the main character's family randomly shows up just for the sake of being killed. Then you end the story with the "I'm dead" cliche which never works in any story. Overall, the plot is pretty dull and lacks rhyme or reason. Umm unfortunately its why some killer do some kill for  no reason.