Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36554399-20190112062252/@comment-35711173-20190112171923

Therandomloser,

NedWolfkin's list of issues is correct. In addition, this would need to be rewritten in story format. Right now, the dialogue is more in script format.

https://www.differencebetween.com/difference-between-story-and-vs-script/

BBC creative writing course

You did bring it to the right spot though.