Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26908800-20151022060935/@comment-27008899-20151023044727

Good story but you are coreect, the action/horror almost completely removes creepy from the equation. Some slight muddlement in paragraphs here and there. For instance you begin a oaragragh with "SFC O'Donnel catches some Z's. Then jump to Dr Chang. Since these men are not concious it would make more sense to begin with and stay in the Major's pov, mentioning where the others are after him. You run into this again when describing the process of gearing up for the breech. I realize you are trying to emphasize speed but those parts kind of read like play insteuctions. I would reword this. Other than that I felt it was a very well worded and interesting piece. I am always pleasantly surprised when I read a story that seems as though the subject was well researched.