Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24715887-20140321174407/@comment-24713457-20140321195139

AbstroNot, you shouldn't have published your story already. You should have first typed it/copied & pasted it here and THEN ask for feedback for you to improve your writing skills. Your creepypasta is now vulnerable to being deleted from various errors. However, here, it isn't. WOULDN'T, I should say. Anyways, moving on to my feedback on the story:

(Don't take this personally)

There's this:

"I held up like this until my friend, Jack 

(We'll keep his name as jack because of the protection of identity)

''Told me about someone who had the same last name as me he found out about online. ''"

You should've attached the 1st and 3rd lines together and just squeezed the parenthesesed sentence in between. This formatting doesn't look beautiful.

When I read it, it did seem entertaining, but not creepy. In fact, not creepy at all. Although I am wondering: If the mother's son is just carrying a dead body, why did she even introduce a "lost brother"? She was lying to her son. Wonder how dejected her son would feel and how gloomy he would look once he realizes. This seems like a ghost story, but ghost stories aren't really frightening anymore.

Anyways, I look forward to your future creepypastas!