Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30861466-20180506205818/@comment-7064562-20180509055320

This has the same problems as your other story.

1) Run on sentences and horribly constructed sentences.

2) Your plotline makes no sense at all and just seems random. I can't tell if you're trying to be serious or funny, as neither work.

3) No build up to anything.

4) A hell alot of showing and not telling.