Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24480175-20140318145632/@comment-25439157-20141027053401

I don't think this poem has much potential at all. I dare say it'll probably be deleted as soon as you post it.

For one, there's no story. Just a man waiting for a horrible death. Nothing else. Two, the narrator keeps repeating himself. I'm not referring to unable to see the threat. It's just the whole poem not going forward. What you mean to say isn't clear, either.

I'm going to go ahead and analyse the poem bit by bit, actually. First parah, narrator says he is petrified. All but terrified? That means he is not terrified and thus is contradicting itself.

Again, parah 3: all but horrified

Parah 4: its breath, not it's breath. And but without is a terrible double negative. I don't know what acquiescence means; I'll look it up.

Parah 5: supplying what?

Parah 6: bloodless? Okay. Deathless? No. And you cannot see the light because your blinded, as you stated in parah 2.

Over all, it's just a thing getting closer to him each time. Nothing else. The verse is not poetic; it does not make me want to love the poem. And it's quite obvious that you've not spent enough time brushing up your work.

Sorry for the harsh review. I just do not feel that the poem should be on the wiki.