Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26393682-20150512211858/@comment-26326346-20150512213258

I've a few suggestions for you.

First and foremost, I'd change the text type to the site's default, because it hurts my eyes and if it hurts your reader's eyes then no one is going to read it.

I couldn't read it because of the way the text is formatted, but I did notice a few things from taking a quick glance.

You should remove most or all of the ellipses. Ellipses are extremely long pauses and it slows down the pacing of your story dramatically.

The next thing that I'd suggest is writing out all numerical values under ten in word form (excluding measurements of time).

As a rule of thumb, each line of dialogue should have its own paragraph.

I'll check back in a little while to see if the text formatting has been fixed and if it has I'll try to give you a proper review :)

As it stands now it would likely not be up to quality standards based upon those things I listed.

Also, I apologize if I come across as rude or sarcastic, that isn't my intent. I want you to succeed :)