Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25411513-20140926004010/@comment-25425104-20140926023255

In the first two paragraphs alone, I noticed repetition of words. This story appears to be jumping straight into the ending. What I mean by that is, it doesn't provide enough detail for me to consume the story, it just prances around from scene to scene, action to action. Also, the main thing that threw me off was, if this person has lived in the house his entire life, why haven't you mentioned any recent accounts of this "thing" attacking him? In my opinion,  this story doesn't draw me in. It's like a writer trying to publish a 3 paged novel with little to no information of the main character and just goes right into the (for the lack of a better word) "entertaining" parts. You also need to tweak a few words, you have minor grammar mistakes and punctuation. Don't get me wrong, I like your idea of this story. But it needs a lot of revising and more thought. So since it's not completed due to it being a work in progress, I'll rate the few paragraphs you have. 4/10