Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25226524-20140908005526/@comment-24101790-20140908223710

I think the story is well-written and am interesting in seeing where you go with this. I didn't spot any real grammatical, punctuation, or capitalization errors. The first chapter sets up a lot of questions that should be answered as the story progresses. Reading the comments, I noticed that you intend on doing some perspective shifting and character introduction. This is a good idea as it can allow for tonal/dramatic shifts and intersecting paths/plots. I have a few pieces of advice as you progress with the story.

The first being, as you are introducing new characters and shifting story lines that you make sure not to end up pushing back the storyline or branching it out in too many directions and weakening the overall plot. For example, if one chapter ends on a cliff-hanger, try to pick up that plot thread relatively quickly. You don't want too many perspectives that dilute the overall plot.

I would also recommend making a tiny character synopsis/biography for yourself so you can keep track of your characters and have their actions in keeping with their personalities. I did this with a few of my longer stories and also added upcoming plot points, which really helped with foreshadowing and allowed for me to tweak and craft the character's reactions to events. Additionally a skeleton (Spooky scary) draft with planned plots/events would help to prevent you from overlooking/forgetting a key detail you wanted to include.

Keep up the good work, I'm interested in reading more.