Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26835140-20160118101013/@comment-24101790-20160118171917

Punctuation: Punctuation missing from multiple lines of written/spoken dialogue. "“According to coworkers, he had also been very stressed over the past few weeks” the reporter covering the article stated.", "“Meow”", If you're using punctuation to continue dialogue on another line, you need to use a colon. "Once In the car I asked him," Also if there's nothing proceeding dialogue, you need to conclude it with conclusive punctuation. "“Yeah,”", "“Hey Tito! How are you doing?” I inquired(period missing)", "I pulled out my phone and turned on the flashlight, I navigated down the hall to my right to find a meowing Tito,(should be a period)"

Punctuation issues cont.: Commas incorrectly used in sentences where a pause is implied. "“Hey man I’m just about to head into town, can you tell me the address?”", "There was a shrine, just a white cross, it was neatly cut and nailed, but it had no name on it, which seemed odd.", "“Ooohh dude that felt amazing, thank you.", "“Ok I’ll explain on the way.”", etc. Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "my old friends voice".

Capitalization: Improperly capitalizing words. "by his vet, He’s (he's) a flame point Siamese", "“midtown heights (Midtown Heights)”", "15 (Fifteen) minutes in (into) the drive,", "Ashley.” Replied (replied) Jackson.", "your clock?” A (a) worried Jackson asked.", "“Ok, ill put the silencer", etc.

Wording: Run-on sentences. "My name is Timothy Dempsey, but I’ve always been called T, I live in a rural area a little far from my town, Rico, (about a 30 minute drive), with my pet cat Tito (my little nephew tried calling me T, but it always came out Tito, so when I got a cat I thought it was a great name)." That sentence can be broken down.

Redundancy issues: "I started the car up and went to my phone’s GPS but, I had naught service, I knew how to get to town from my house and I could just use the GPS from there." Avoid re-stating items/names/places multiple times after identifying them in the same sentence.

Tense change issues: You are telling the story in past tense so you need to reflect this throughout your story. "I hear a loud voice.", "I yelled, ignoring the couple to my right, noticing (I noticed) them and apologizing (apologized).", "he asks me to start to slow down a little,", " he asks me to stop. He jumps out of the car with his carnation, and plants it in the ground near the cross, he then jumps back in and says to head home.", etc.

Story issues: You forget to include interrupting actions in split dialogue. "“RRRREEEEERRRRR!!!!” “FFFFT!” My cat was VERY tense." I'm sorry but the story felt very rushed and there really isn't much connection between the house murder and the Jackson storyline. This feels very spread out due to the fact you have the character catching up with Jackson and living in the seemingly haunted house, but really don't tie up either event. The ending feels lackluster due to its stunted and rushed nature. The protagonist runs out of the house and then jumps/is pushed into traffic, the end. It just feels very inconclusive. All in all, there were quite a lot of issues here that really weighed down the story