Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20180627165340

Have you ever heard of the term apeirophobia before? No need to look it up, I’m going to tell you all about it. It’s the fear of nothingness, or the idea of nonexistence after death. Among the few things that actually petrify me in life, this fear is by far the greatest. Now some people might think it silly that something like this, a mere concept, could cause such discourse in a person’s mind. Others would say that death itself, the act in which one leaves the world, is terrifying, but they may not understand or have even considered what comes afterwards. But today, I’m going to try to show you just how terrifying it really is. This will require some strain on the brain, so if you’re not a complex thinker, or don’t feel like giving yourself a headache, then it is advised to opt out of this article. I warn you now: this may lead you to fearing eternity as well. Let’s start off with another fear of mine, and is very closely connected to eternity: oudenophobia, the fear of nothingness, or the idea of nonexistence after death. We’ll begin by defining what nothingness really is. Go on; come up with your own idea of nothingness, or emptiness. Both work here. Now then, let’s climb the ladder. On the lowest rung, we have the idea of “empty space”: there’s nothing on the table, there’s nothing in this room, there’s nothing in this field, there’s nothing on this blank piece of paper. This idea is not wrong, but it is untrue to the true definition of nothingness. Let’s climb a little higher. Now you may think of empty space, a void. But even a void exists, it is a concept, we can imagine a void. Nothingness is nonexistence, literally nothing else can be nothingness, and therefore a void cannot be nothing. Some of you may now be reaching a point where you’re thinking of either black or white: the infinite black of the void, or the infinite white plane of “zero-space”, as it is depicted in media. But these are wrong too; black and white are colors, or shades if you want to be specific. They are ideas you already have in your mind, and all pre-existing concepts cannot be nothing. So now, including everything else I’ve already blacklisted, try to imagine true nothing without thinking of black or white. If you’re successful, you’ll get this tiny pain in your head. You’ll feel as though that the thought is just out of reach, as if your hand missed the ledge and you are now plummeting towards the ground. Sometimes, I’ve even found myself thinking of TV static at this point. That is the truth about nothingness; no one can truly imagine it. It will always be out of grasp, just barely. You can try going through the process again and again and again, just as I have, but it will get you nowhere. You can scratch and kick and scream at the barrier in your mind, but no matter how much your fingers bleed, no matter how many toes you break, no matter how loud you shout, that barrier will not give up its answer. Now that you understand the concept of nothing, let’s examine it with the idea of eternity. After extensive thought and days sitting in my room staring into empty space, I’ve come up with a list of the most realistic ideas of what can become of your future, which form a sort of tree where each possibility branches off.

Let’s start with the possibility of immortality, the eternity of never dying. You could technically do whatever you wish, sure, but think about your body. If you have just a normal, human body, you could catch every disease on this entire planet. Imagine that, all the pain and agony that you’d live with forever, and you couldn’t die. But you’d want to. Let’s take the argument of an immortal form as well, having a body that will never be sick or harmed. Even then, do you really wish to wander the earth for the entirety of time, until the heat death of the universe? Do you really want to be witness to endless wars, increasing in devastation and despair? How long would you last before your mind began to unravel and become fragmented, and you were nothing more than a shell? Moving up the tree, we come to what happens when you die, since most of the concepts are on that side. With this we come to two more possibilities: are you conscious after you die, or do you absolutely cease to exist? If it is the latter, then you should be horrified – after all, you barely reached nothing just a minute ago, and you want to become that? Sure, curiosity might entice you, the thought of finding the answer behind that barrier, but think about it: you will cease to exist. No more memories, no more physical or mental form, no more thinking, no more dreaming – absolutely nothing left of you. You will not exist. Let that sink in, and reflect upon it. Now we are at the point that you are no longer of physical form, but one of mind or spirit. Whichever it is, I do not know, nor should it matter. Upon the next branch, we come to the idea of whether or not you leave your body. By this I ask, “Do you, a thought based being, leave your corpse upon death?” If the answer is no, well, I feel terrible for many people, especially the claustrophobic. A conscious mind trapped deep underground, to dream and think for the rest of time? Maybe dreams wouldn’t be too bad, provided they didn’t turn into nightmares. But an active mind stuck in the ground for that long? Surely it wouldn’t take long to break and go mad. We climb higher, to the branches of the free spirit. At this point, we reach the question of religion: is there a heaven or hell? (I am lumping purgatory in with hell for reasons you will see later.) If there is neither, then you are doomed to roam the earth as a shade, correct? Just like the immortal trapped on earth, you will bear witness to travesties and horrors alike, but unlike the immortal, there is nothing you can do to help them. Even if the reports of ghost sightings and activity are true, they were minimally effective at changing the physical plane. All you can do is watch and despair just as they do – and if you’re part of a collective mind, or can hear other spirits around you, the pain will likely only be compounded. At last we reach the final branches: heaven or hell. When you really think hard about the concept of eternity, even heaven came become frightening or worrying; no amount of paradise can ever satisfy a human’s needs, a little chaos is needed here and there. However, that’s not to say hell would be any better, naturally it’d actually be worse, tormented and suffering for all time. But some of you may still not be bothered by this fact. So I’ll finish with the final thought experiment. Begin by imagining your ideal day in paradise. Then keep thinking of more days, each with possibly different activities, until you can no longer think or choose not to. Now, go back to the start, and think through those days again, each and every one, passing through your mind. Once you finish, go through them again, reliving them – but remember that you already did these things earlier. Repeat this process, continue remembering these self created memories, in heaven, in hell, in the ground, on this earth, and stay in the loop. Eventually, you might visualize the rest of your life on a path in front of you, a path you can’t see the end to. Looking behind you, the path also continues on forever – the infinite past, all the way to whatever beginning that brought about time. You might try to go forward, trying to see an end to that path, but you can’t see it. The path goes upwards, towering above you and shooting towards the stars. Your heart begins to beat uncontrollably, realizing that you have no control over ending this, it will just go on and on and on forever and ever, and you can’t do a damn thing about it. You are caught in this loop and it will NEVER end. And once you finally come to terms with the true understanding of “never ending”, this constant loop of infinite possibilities, you will fear it. This is the terror of eternity. This is why I’m always thinking, always trying to distract my mind with little things, little curios, so that I don’t have to think about that. I don’t want to remember this realization, I don’t want to think about my bloody fingers still clawing at the barrier of nothingness, I don’t want to feel the dread and despair of witnessing that endless future before me, nor do I want to contemplate my mind disappearing, questioning what would become of me at that point. So I hope you were well informed by this, and perhaps you will now fear death for a reason besides the fact that you are dying – but the fact that you have absolutely no idea what’s waiting for you. 