Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-21832837-20150220212729/@comment-25073641-20150221012850

There's one thing that I really noticed. I noticed it again and again while reading your work; it's full of run-on sentences and comma splices. I may suggest you to remove it by adding conjunctions.

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'Holy fuck, I just closed my eyes and… It was horrible, images of bloody mangled bodies raced through my head. Screams of pain rang through my ears.' - Wow. That's a very huge cliche. Remove or revise that part, so it may not sound overused.

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there has to be. - Capitilize the first letter of every sentence.

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At the near middle, I already lost my interest. It's full of cliches, and for some odd reason, I don't like it. I may suggest you to revise the enter journal, and don't forget to make it much more realistic. Do you expect someone to write in his/her journal while in the middle of a scary void-like darkness? Well, I guess I'm not sure, but I think it's hideous.

Don't forget to fix thy annoying run-on sentences and comma splices; that's the only major problem I saw for now.