Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4143377-20180422180432/@comment-4143377-20180423184738

BloodySpghetti wrote: Well I've read this, and I dont really know how to feel about it, it's just strange.

No more, no less.

I have no clue as to how else describe this, but yeah, that's not really scary or anything, it's way too cartoonish to be. You could've done so many things with Lacey going missing or completely numpty but you've decided to go with some zombie through orgasm disease that concludes itself with a bang. It is just way too weird. (Also, a little nitpick, why do her friends have to be bi for the sake of a plot? THAT'S OFFENSIVE MATE)

You need to re-proof read this story as you've made a few mistakes (like calling her Lacey Evans somewhere and describing a conversation between Velerie and the narrator as a conversation between the narrator and the time traveling teacher through the use of "you" in mid sentence that regards to Velerie and so on). Also, make sure you somehow differentiate between most of the story which is a journal entry/diary/momoir or something and the epilogue which is obviously written from a different perspective. I guess this was kind of the point of the creepypasta, to be strange and unusual. And considering by your reaction, it paid in some areas and in others it went too over the top. That's understandable, but I can see how other readers may not take lightly to this.

I did have some brief thoughts on going down other routes with Lacey's disease that would've lead to the same result, but darker. In the end though, I decided to go for the orgasm disease to keep up with the strange factor. Again, I could see how readers may not be fond of it.

I can confirm to you that Vivienne and Sherri are not bi, they play the role of popular girl worshippers (though even they have their limits as shown). If it came off as such, I highly apologize. As someone who is pro LGBTQ, I try not to discriminate people because of sexuality, race, creed or otherwise.

With the Lacey zombies though, it is a bit more of a gray area. That in their not bi per-say, but rather free to do what they want. (Spoiler warning for potential prequel, proceed with caution!:) Since their creator is supposed to die, it leads the zombies with no guardian and thus, no one to tell them what to do.

I'm glad you were able to look at the story. For my first original creepypasta, it's clear that a lot more work needs to be done and i'm glad you were able to give me some suggestions to make it a lot better than what it is now. I hope to take the constructive criticism into stride and apply it into this and future creepypastas I decide to make.