Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37810803-20181231231243/@comment-9041013-20190101231719

It is as Dr Bob said, a dream sequence, or is structured like one.

It's real confusing and all over the place.

One moment the pratagonis is walking somewhere, the he's suddenly running home, then he's home and then he's punching monsters that aren't there, then the monsters appear - after getting punched. Not to mention how bad of a monster it is, you've got going on there. It took a punch and began crying... Why?

After having some of his skin peeled off Kenny is having an all out brawl with Radical Larry over there, how? Have you ever gotten a wound were a bit of the skin goes off? It literally sense your damaged organ into a localized shock. A peeled stripe of skin on your finger paralyzes your whole hand. Do you know what would happen if a chunck of skin on your back was torn off? Crying and gasping on the floor. No fighting, no running, hardly crawling.

Why does the thing let you run for the gun? why is Radical Larry with Venom's voice here just stare at you when you point a gun at it?

So many things make no sense.

Oh and that "It was just a dream.... OH NO ACTUALLY THE MONSTER IS REAL" kind of loop story is usually not working well, it's just not scary. It has no punch really.

Now for the technicalities;

Stories, Articles, Essays, all texts containing more than a single subject need paragraphs - please get them.

Whenever a different character speaks, you start a new paragraph.

You randomly capitalized words. You capitalize titles and words that start a sentence, basically.

Punctuation is weird too.

This needs a loooot of work.

I wish thee luck.