Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37734888-20200116190637/@comment-37734888-20200116203126

Cornconic wrote: The spellings are fine, but there is a lot of punctuation missing, and a few sentences don't exactly make much sense, i.e. - Until all of them began to run towards me with his hand and I see pitch black. As for the story itself, it lacks context. You mention Kin, a 'giant place filled with zombies' but no explanation is given as to what has happened to the city, why it is filled with zombies, etc. Is it a worldwide apocalypse, or is it contained to only one city? How did the zombies get there in the first place? If you want to keep the aspect of zombies in the story, you need to provide at least some exposition.

Alternatively, you could drop the whole zombie side of the story entirely, seeing as it's only really prominent in one sentence, and like, no other parts of the pasta. Maybe the city could be plagued by some other catastrophic event, like a food shortage or natural disaster or something.

Lastly, the character's takeaway from the event is that you should always believe in urban legends? I'm not sure if that's meant to be intentionally ironic or purposefully done in some way, but it seems a silly thing for him to learn from his experience. Ok fixed also thanks for criticism! I would like to make more creepypastas based around Roblox.