Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33077235-20180925204000/@comment-33077235-20180925211215

L0CKED334 wrote: This is a reformatted version of your story. I also took the type to copy/paste it into Grammarly.com, it helped weed out major spelling and grammatical errors. That's just structure, you still have to deal with the content of the story itself.

“Who are you,” the little boy said as he looks at what he assumed was a tall man leaning over him. It was dark but a faint light could be seen in the distance. He blinked and look again at the man then asking, “Where is my mom and dad?” The tall figure said nothing but reached out his hand stopping it in front of the little boy. As the little boy put his palm in the tall man’s hand he is pulled up to his feet. The man bends down close to the boy. The man’s face couldn’t be seen because the cloak only showed darkness where his face would be.

“Hello Reggie,” says the man in a deep haunting voice.

The child being afraid stutters, “How-how do you know who I am?"

The man going back to his original standing position he speaks once more.

“I’m Mr. Demies and I know everything about you little Reggie,” he stops and raises Reggie to put on his shoulders. “It’s very nice to meet you in the living flesh” he chuckles a deep quite laugh as this is said and starts to walk down a seeming long path.

“Mr. Demise where are my parents and are they okay?” Reggie ask. Mr. Demise stops sets down Reggie and bends over and taps his nose with his long black finger.

“Your parents are fine Reggie,” he says as he stands upright again.

“Reggie what do you last remember?” Mr. Demise ask in his low deep haunting voice.

Reggie pauses as he recalls what he remembers “Well”, he starts “I was lying in my bed because I was very sick."

“Continue,” Mr. Demise says as the child pauses.

“I remember my dad giving me a hug before I fell asleep and now I’m here."

There was quietness until Mr. Demise started to speak, “Your father loved you very much Reggie,” he pauses then continues, “You were very sick and not likely to make it."

Another pause was there along with the dark atmosphere and silence until ounce again broken by Mr. Demise “I’m going to simply say this and tell you that you had cancer,” he bends down towards Reggie, “And your father brought you to this wonderful place."

Reggie looks at Mr. Demise with fear written all over his face as he asks, “Why would my dad bring me here?"                                                                                                                                                                                       “He wanted to ease your pain Reggie,” Mr. Demise was now speaking louder than earlier. "To simply put this," Mr. Demise pauses leans down and pulls a knife from behind Reggie’s back then dangling the knife with his long fingers in front of him “He killed you, Reggie."

Reggie was frozen in horror fear as he then hears in the faint distance a familiar voice, “Son,” it said, “Son what’s going on in there?"

Reggie in a crying voice says his final words “Dad,” before Mr. Demise raps his tongue around him and biting him in half leaving the rest of the boy’s body there in his bedroom. Leaving out of the window the boy's dad screams in terror.

“He ruined my fun,” Mr. Demise says angrily to himself as he leaves, "Maybe I’ll eat some kid's soul next time." What wrong with the story and is it cliche or boring.