Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20170206200254/@comment-4849011-20170211165935

Here's this first.
 * You were sure to run across five other books which were not what you were looking for but were much more interesting and fascinating in them.- I honestly don’t understand what this is trying to say. I think you left out a word or two
 * Lately, it seemed he was the subject of endless punishment; first, his rather abrupt and embarrassing break-up with Reema Zolliffe; then having to babysit his so weird and demanding and recently “living-impaired” cousin Bernie Weinstein, then Griffon, his overly-smart Zimak math tutor, was now missing-in-action (presumably eaten by the monstrous unknown thing that knocked at the back door several hours earlier nearly scaring them all to death).- Lately, it seemed he was the subject of endless punishment; first, his rather abrupt and embarrassing break-up with Reema Zolliffe; then having to babysit his so weird and demanding and recently “living-impaired” cousin Bernie Weinstein; then Griffon, his overly-smart Zimak math tutor, was now missing-in-action (presumably eaten by the monstrous unknown thing that knocked at the back door several hours earlier, nearly scaring them all to death).
 * Frustrated, he then slammed shut the book he was searching through disturbing its thin coating of dust.- Frustrated, he then slammed shut the book he was searching through, disturbing its thin coating of dust.
 * Someone thumped him hard on the back nearly banging his head into the table.- Someone thumped him hard on the back, nearly banging his head into the table.
 * “You know, you really should do something with all that stuff up there,” the Churcka rubbed her shin and dust-smeared nose.- “You know, you really should do something with all that stuff up there.” The Churcka rubbed her shin and dust-smeared nose.
 * They went into the woods together and since then no trace of Miss Lucille Simone-Hervey have ever been found.- They went into the woods together and since then no trace of Miss Lucille Simone-Hervey has ever been found. or They went into the woods together and since then no traces of Miss Lucille Simone-Hervey have ever been found.
 * Abandoned by her beatnik parents to a dragon of a grandmother who convinced that Lucille needed some firm discipline, packed her off to an elite boarding school in Montpierre.- Abandoned by her beatnik parents to a dragon of a grandmother who, convinced that Lucille needed some firm discipline, packed her off to an elite boarding school in Montpierre.
 * Although not particularly bright with her lessons; Lucille was hard working when it came to chores and running errands. Eventually at the age of thirteen with her aunt’s encouragement, she entered service as a maid to another middle class dragon Lady Marjorie Zolliffe.- Although not particularly bright with her lessons, Lucille was hard working when it came to chores and running errands. Eventually at the age of thirteen, with her aunt’s encouragement, she entered service as a maid to another middle class dragon Lady Marjorie Zolliffe.
 * “Yeah, I heard she wanted to begin career as a music hall entertainer,” said Tullugaq, scratching her nose. “Then make it big on Broadway.”- “Yeah, I heard she wanted to begin a career as a music hall entertainer,” said Tullugaq, scratching her nose. “Then make it big on Broadway.”
 * “Really sad when you think about it, here was this simple gentle soul who got lost in a dreamworld of fame and fortune and might have lived longer had she stayed a simple drudge.”- “Really sad when you think about it. Here was this simple gentle soul who got lost in a dreamworld of fame and fortune and might have lived longer had she stayed a simple drudge.”
 * The man seen in her company was between 18 and 20, 5‘9 ft in height, approximately 60 lbs. He had short curly blonde hair and was wearing a khaki-colored waistcoat with notched lapels, a white shirt, a patterned puffed cravat, brown, and knee-length knickerbockers with thin red and blue squares, a brown newsboy cap and argyle-patterned wool stockings.- The man seen in her company was between 18 and 20, 5‘9 ft in height, approximately 60 lbs. He had short curly blonde hair and was wearing a khaki-colored waistcoat with notched lapels, a white shirt, a patterned puffed cravat, brown, knee-length knickerbockers with thin red and blue squares, a brown newsboy cap and argyle-patterned wool stockings.
 * “Even snuck a couple large centipedes into some poor kid’s flapjacks; man, you should of heard that poor blighter scream.”- “Even snuck a couple large centipedes into some poor kid’s flapjacks; man, you should have heard that poor blighter scream.”
 * “I find that hard to believe,” Bernie leaned over Darcy’s shoulder for a close look.- “I find that hard to believe.” Bernie leaned over Darcy’s shoulder for a close look.
 * “Well, I don’t know for sure if that’s really Tod Winnokur in the article, for all we know that could just be some look-alike.”- “Well, I don’t know for sure if that’s really Tod Winnokur in the article; for all we know that could just be some look-alike.”
 * “So after everyone left, Jasper Sills started cleaning up the mess along with his kid brothers (whom he threatened to take down with him should they dare tattle on him for his party idea).- “So after everyone left, Jasper Sills started cleaning up the mess along with his kid brothers (whom he threatened to take down with him should they dare tattle on him for his party idea).”
 * “There were various rumors swirling around as to the reason of his disappearance, one of the most popular ones was that he got some girl in trouble and hit the road to escape the wrath of her parents.- “There were various rumors swirling around as to the reason of his disappearance. One of the most popular ones was that he got some girl in trouble and hit the road to escape the wrath of her parents.
 * She took off her pearlie hat to rack one hand through her black locks.- Did you mean “to rake one hand through her black locks”?
 * “The school year barely began when these two seventh graders Luis Davis and Phillip Brandeis started arguing where the mummified corpse of Ivan Haverhinkle shambled off to. Nobody saw him leave town for the woods; it was like he vanished into thin air.- “The school year barely began when these two seventh graders, Luis Davis and Phillip Brandeis, started arguing where the mummified corpse of Ivan Haverhinkle shambled off to. Nobody saw him leave town for the woods; it was like he vanished into thin air.”
 * “Okay,” Darcy paused long enough to stretch before continuing.- “Okay.” Darcy paused long enough to stretch before continuing.
 * “Those foolish enough to make it this far and not be caught by the police tasked with patrolling the tunnels, always pushed warning aside and peered into the room beyond.- “Those foolish enough to make it this far and not be caught by the police tasked with patrolling the tunnels always pushed warning aside and peered into the room beyond.
 * “Phillip Brandeis ultimately issued Luis a “triple decker double dog dare” and in order to save face and not get labeled a chicken for life, Luis had to go into the Underground and snap a photo of the infamous door.- “Phillip Brandeis ultimately issued Luis a ‘triple decker double dog dare’ and in order to save face and not get labeled a chicken for life, Luis had to go into the Underground and snap a photo of the infamous door.
 * “So after getting together some trusted buddies of his, they got down to work assembling their supplies and spelunking equipment--much of it, they later filched from various relatives or from the nearest outdoor surplus store.- “So after getting together some trusted buddies of his, they got down to work assembling their supplies and spelunking equipment--much of it they later filched from various relatives or from the nearest outdoor surplus store.
 * “Then I the steady glow of their head lamps and electric torches, they saw an iron staircase spiraling towards possibly upper levels.- “Then in the steady glow of their head lamps and electric torches, they saw an iron staircase spiraling towards possibly upper levels.
 * “The room they had just entered was vast and every square feet of it was taken up with haphazardly placed piles of antique and vintage clutter and ponderous furniture covered with drop cloths.- “The room they had just entered was vast and every square foot of it was taken up with haphazardly placed piles of antique and vintage clutter and ponderous furniture covered with drop cloths.
 * “Sickened, he stared at the massive tangle of both skeletal and mummified remains. Behind him, he heard explanations of disgusts; apparently the others had noticed them too.- “Sickened, he stared at the massive tangle of both skeletal and mummified remains. Behind him, he heard exclamations of disgusts; apparently the others had noticed them too.
 * “He knew those shoes, he had seen them plenty of times strolling down the halls of WrenChester Middle School, sometimes planted firmly on the hands of a scared little sixth or seventh grader.- “He knew those shoes. He had seen them plenty of times strolling down the halls of WrenChester Middle School, sometimes planted firmly on the hands of a scared little sixth or seventh grader.
 * “Although the flesh of his cheeks had been somewhat eaten away by rats revealing some of the teeth inside, the rest of him was surprisingly intact.”- “Although the flesh of his cheeks had been somewhat eaten away by rats, revealing some of the teeth inside, the rest of him was surprisingly intact.”
 * “Nearly twelve feet tall he was, covered all over with thick ropey, spiky muscle.”- “Nearly twelve feet tall he was, covered all over with thick, ropey, spiky muscle.”
 * Bernie straighten out of his scared huddle. “So where was this fireplace where the kids came through?”- Bernie straightened out of his scared huddle. “So where was this fireplace where the kids came through?”
 * “The attic of Jasper Sills’s residence, apparently Tod Winnokur hadn’t left since the June house party.”- “The attic of Jasper Sills’s residence; apparently Tod Winnokur hadn’t left since the June house party.”
 * Possible more bloody hell yet to come.- Possibly more bloody hell yet to come.
 * Meanwhile, next door.- Meanwhile, next door…

As for the review, there's good news and bad news. The bad news is I feel like I missed the punchline. You said this was supposed to be dark humor related to last moments, but while there were some humorous moments (such as the Elfin technology being no match for wallpaper), I don't understand where the humor about last moments comes in. The good news is this was another delight to read, especially in connection with your other works. This was like a very well-done campfire story, with its unsettling elements and vivid description. I see you finally got a chance to use the rat king reference you had said before you wanted to use. Fleeing rats is always a great device to show there's something horribly wrong, and once the reader gets to the part about the chair and shoes, they know something horrible is about to be found. The line about hover cars, winged beasts, and carriages sums up your work so well because it shows the combination of fantastic, technological, and mundane elements. To sum it up, I feel like I missed the punchline, but it was a great story overall.