Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26108027-20150521062636/@comment-26007602-20150524211534

You need to expand on this more. There's no real story here. You need to elaborate on how our protagonist becomes "The Hidden" (While I'm at it, I would advise picking a new name for it as well, as it only makes me think of the Half-Life mod of the same name), and why they kill their family.

I'd also read this, as your story lingers dangerously close to the pitfalls of an OC. The character becomes a monster, "snaps", and murders their family, all staples of the OC cliché.

As mentioned, you really need to expand on this, because this story is incredibly barebones. If you do decide to expand on it, you should keep in mind the clichés listed above and think about ways to add tension to the story. Having the creature stalk before it "turns" the protagonist (Give some detail on that) would really help the story.