Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37467875-20190122044408/@comment-9041013-20190122193422

Alright so, first and foremost you start a new paragraph each time a new person speaks.

Second of all, do not use CAPS TO INCIDATE SOMETHING IS MEANT TO MAKE THE READER FEEL SOMETHING it just looks unserious and irritating.

Thirdly, the whole story doesn't hold up. I say this because unlike the tale of Sawney Bean and his clan, this isn't 16th century Scotland. This is 20th or 21th century USA. People would go on a witch hunt for this group if the police didn't get on it and the whole thing would die down relatively quickly.

So either mask the murder clan thing with "there are legends of evil spirits", "there are stories of man eater cave dwelling caves" and very infrequent disappearences or ditch the whole murder clan thing.

You can play off of them getting trapped in a cave and be the spark of a legend after one of them dies or something.

You can play off an actual wild animal attack.

You can also play off them just exploring the cave system only to stumble upon a greusome site with old corpses well preserved due to the fridgid conditions of the cave. Top this with stories of "an ancient murder clan" and the reaction of the family to seeing what appears to be a mutilated or partially decomposed corpse (or a few) regardless of the actual death causes and you have pure storytelling gold.

The way it is now, as Bob said, it's just way too unrealistic.

Also, no one gets drunk from a single beer, unless they're very intolerant of alcohol.