Talk:Breathing Exercises/@comment-28266772-20160906145130

Once again this is a great story, but I felt like the ending was a bit predictablle. It would have been nice to see that either subverted, or telegraphed less obviously. Beyond that this story helps cement my suspicion that you're superb at creating first-person narratives. I have, however, a few errors noted below that I couldn't edit out myself.

"leftover cum from her boyfriend's came out of her mouth" -> I feel like this is either missing a word, or boyfriend should not be possessive.

" depressed soaked filled bedsheets" -> again I feel like there's a word missing maybe, but as it is it doesn't make sense and hurts the flow.

" If I wanted to talk to a girl, I'd take a deep breath and plunge right now" -> the wording here also seems awkward enough to be an error (in particular the 'plunge right now' part).

Hope this helps.