Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27091999-20151019200544/@comment-26007602-20151019224534

First off, you need to space this out. Make sure you're in source mode when you edit so it doesn't turn out as a wall of text like this. Second, nix the all caps rage, as it doesn't really do much for the story. If you're putting emphasis on something, it's better to use italics for a more professional look.

These paragraphs are filled with sentence fragments that give the story a choppy feel.

"I’ve drawn skeletal beings draped in moldy moth bitten rags. Obese cannibals, feeding off their own viscera. Fanged infants chewing their way out of their mother’s womb. Withering old men with their spines exposed and scalps removed, smiling in ecstasy. I must have dozens upon dozens of these note cards floating around. Waiting for some unwary patron of the library to find them and shriek in terror over the visceral beauty of my art."

You need to combine these into actual sentences instead of the disjointed fragments.

As for the story itself, I suppose it's decent. The ending is fairly predictable as soon as he finds the card as we know that something is going to happen to him. It's nice and vague, but there isn't much build up to it, so it doesn't hit nearly as hard as it could. I'd extend the number of cards he finds, maybe each has a cryptic message of sorts? There should be some indication of the threat or why this thing wants to "get" him, as there's not much to off on.