Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32071678-20150131212137/@comment-26007602-20150131214630

This is very, very similar to the old, "child hears parent, parent warns child that they heard it too" micropasta. Uncannily so. Now, I'm not going to accuse plagiarism as I believe the premise has been toyed with quite a bit. Either you need to heavily expand after the story, or it will be deleted for being a complete knock-off of that story.

As for the other bits, the first part of the story wasn't very interesting (readers won't care about Ethan's gaming habits), nor was it important to the story. Use it to induce some tension into the story or nix it completely, as it adds very little.