Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20150217025844/@comment-24040907-20150224224148

Hey, I’m sorry that it took me so long to finish this review. Please note that while I review this, I’m also going to be commenting on some of the things that Whitix said. And please note that I mean this in the friendliest and most informative way possible.



Whitix, most of M.M. Pratt’s works are in the “fantasy-horror” genre. When you read M.M. Pratt, you need to prepare for this. She’ll never warn you, you’ll never get a heads up. Things that other writer’s would exaggerate and laud as “This is supposed to be unbelievable! Be surprised!” are treated as completely normal in her stories.



That’s the beauty of it, in my opinion. You, as the reader, must simply accept that you’re now in a fantastical world that she’s created, and you kind of go along with it. There are a lot of really awesome things in her stories once you get past the “This is unbelievable! I’m surprised!” phase.



Of course, I’m “initiated”, so I’m used to it by now, but I can see where confusion might arise when you start reading these stories. But, of course, confusion might arise if you were to actually step into a world like that in reality, wouldn’t it?



Now, concerning this story specifically; I like it a lot. It sort of reminds me of the beginning of Home Alone. There are all these kids here, all in their own social classes, doing what kids do best: create chaos. Yes, some of the kids are pretty annoying, but that adds to the atmosphere, in my opinion.



And amidst all of this chaos we have this one kid, Kevin, whom nobody likes, who’s utterly flipping out. He starts out as sort of annoying, and then becomes unnerving, and then flat-out Exorcist-demon-child scary, and hardly anybody does anything about it



Oh my gosh…they forgot Kevin!



And for what? Well, we have the Lurker above, and what is that? From my perspective, he’s a thoughtfully described creature that is on the ceiling. I like this guy very much, but I don’t think he’s a villain. All he wants to do is play with the toys! If I went to an inter-dimensional summer camp crowded with chaotic kids, I’d probably be the guy to climb up on the ceiling and just hang out there by myself. Wouldn’t you?



<p class="MsoNormal">I suppose that’s why I like the story the most, because it begs you to question the true nature of the Lurker Above. Maybe, if you continue with this story, we’ll get to see more of him.

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<p class="MsoNormal">Maybe I’m wrong, maybe he is evil, and in that case those kids had better run. Nonetheless, I’m invested in this story, and I’d like to hear more!

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<p class="MsoNormal">P.S. – I think that it would be cool if we got the history of the tree house this takes place in, to better transition from Rus’ flashback to the actual tree house scenes. You probably don’t have to put the flashback in italics, though.

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<p class="MsoNormal">Concerning Grammar:

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<p class="MsoNormal">In paragraph 3 you wrote:

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<p class="MsoNormal">“The idea that he should go to Faerie for vacation came up unexpectedly as a sneaker wave…”

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<p class="MsoNormal">Perhaps you should add another “as” after “up” and before “unexpectedly”.

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<p class="MsoNormal">In paragraph 22 you wrote:

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<p class="MsoNormal">““Are we at the ‘You Go It’ yet?” Nate moaned, cowering besides Rus underneath his security blanket.”

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<p class="MsoNormal">Remove the final “s” at the end of “besides”. Also (and this is probably my error) but I don’t understand what “You Go It” means. Could you please clarify?

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<p class="MsoNormal">Around paragraph 47 you wrote:

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<p class="MsoNormal">“In fact, this whole sleepover idea sucks! I’m going to barf over everyone due to boredom.””

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<p class="MsoNormal">Please add “all” after “barf” and before “over”.

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<p class="MsoNormal">Around paragraph 66 you wrote:

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<p class="MsoNormal">“Dodging the audience members who were stumbling, shuffling, a crawling out of the way, Rus walked up behind Kevin and cleared his throat noisily.”

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<p class="MsoNormal">Please change “a” to “and”

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<p class="MsoNormal">That is all.