Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4849011-20180321014712/@comment-35711173-20180727034018

It needs editing. I would cut any part that doesn't move the story forward. I would cut anything that deals with long-term coma or anesthetized state. If the person isn't mentally there then why bother describing it? Not unless the person is reacting to the experience after.

Even then, what is the story trying to say?

I see a lot of really weird medical stuff, probably painful in places.

It sounds like an SCP. It's a report, as dry and as unemotional as possible. In a sense, that's the opposite of a Creepypasta. A creepypasta needs to transmit creepiness and fear, both emotional state.