Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-43886227-20190921011217/@comment-24101790-20190921013943

As I stated on your talk page, your story was deleted due to numerous punctuation, wording, coding, and plot issues. As you've made no changes or submitted a revised version, I am going to outline the errors I found to help out any other reviewers.

Coding issues: While this is a small issue, it can still render text completely unreadable in certain circumstances if you use visual editor instead of source mode. Every line of your story has this coding in editor mode which can make it difficult to edit/seperate from the text of the story: " The Image that was shown to Henry from his son "

Punctuation issues: You frequently forget to introduce dialogue with proper punctuation or use punctuation correctly in dialogue. "She keeps saying(comma/colon missing) “What’s wrong, Henry(question mark missing)”.(punctuation should not be left outside of quotations)", I say(,/:) “I’m having these nightmares of a man with a red-eye appearing(.)”.", etc.

Wording issues: There are frequent instances of awkward wording. "At least I’ve never seen him in the real world since I was young. (Do you mean to say that the protagonist couldn't remember exact details?)", "He keeps staring out my (sic) with that red eye.", "I’ve never got a glimpse of it. I was young when I saw it,", etc. I would suggest reading your story aloud to yourself as a general rule of thumb and working on areas where you stumble or come off sounding awkward.


 * Plot issues: Here's were a majority of the issues were. There were problems with a real lack of description ti build up the story. A number of lines come off as bland due to not really being descriptive or engaging: "I remember when I was young, my parents took me to Disneyworld. It was the best time ever.", "He keeps staring out my with that red eye. I wake up every time I see it. It was pretty damn scary."

Plot issues cont.: There are also a lot of redundancies in the plot where you restate points to the point that it comes off like story padding. "“The Pale Man” also known as “The Bloodshot Eye”. His eye was bloodshot.", "He has to die and I will kill it. Ok so I killed it,", etc.

Conclusion: The ending is incredibly rushed as well. It feels like you wrote this in an hour and sped through the conclusion to the point that it comes off more like placeholder lines rather than the actual ending. "My wife and son are dead. He has to die and I will kill it. Ok so I killed it, he was so easy. He didn’t even stand a chance.  I hope he is dead otherwise he will come back and kill me."