Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33077235-20190317031024/@comment-33904527-20190324003007

I know you mentioned how you hadn't fixed the grammar yet, but reading this is like trying to do simultaneous equations on a hangover. It's very incoherent, and you should really try to put it through a grammar-checking device ASAP (try doing this for any story you post on the workshop).

As for the plot, it doesn't make a lot of sense. The ending is clichéd: "it was all a dream, except it wasn't" is overused and shouldn't be utilised in a story unless it's done very well, which it isn't in this instance. The beginning sequence has little to no relation to the rest of the story, especially the ending. Also, the story moves very quickly, and if you're trying to make it creepy, I would advise putting in more detail.

There's a lot more to criticize, but I'm going to keep it brief. Basically, this just needs a lot more polish.