Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-3563804-20180730155919/@comment-7064562-20180731063831

In 1920, Derek then grew up has a wonderful little boy, when he got five year old in after his birthday, he was walking  to the park with his mother since his father refused to came with them and he see a other boy.

This sentence(It's a run on by the way), is not only horribly structured but has several grammar errors.

For example:

-Derek then grew up HAS a wonderful little boy As for the next part of the sentence, I have no idea what you are saying at all.

-It's come not came. Ask your gf about this

-see is the wrong tense,

-And honestly, it's just horrible and hard to make out what is going on.

Next off is

Derek then walk toward him and said "Hi, i'm Derek and you?", "I'm Oliver" said the other boy, "Do you want to play with me!" said Derek with a smile and want to make a friend, Oliver answer him 'Of course!".

-When you have a new character talk, you have to start a new paragraph.

-Also, people, even young kids don't talk like this. Even if they did, it's a dull way and doesn't draw me into the conversation.

- Using said over and over makes this even more true.

- This is about 3/4 sentences, but you have it all as one, not counting it as dialog, which I've already said is wrong.

And that's where I stopped with your story, as I have no idea what the living hell is going on anymore.