Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27806333-20160614032448

(I need to know what I can fix)



You may think that, "This is some Teen gone rouge" story, I may say that your right but in the right way you’re not. A girl in the 9th grade named Sarah Bailey, she had a handsome crush named Adam Smith, but someone named Sadie wants to take him. Sarah came home from school one day and looked at her Facebook page, to her surprise, there was things saying "Kill Yourself!" "Die!" "Damn Hoe!” a tear came down her face. She ran to her room crying, 'What else could go wrong?' She said to herself. She texted her good friend, Tammy. She said that it would blow over in the next hour, but it didn't.  It got worst, they started photoshopping her face on pornography and posting it there. The next day, pictures of her with her eyes crossed out were posted all over the school. She was thinking suicidal thoughts, then all the boys spat spitballs at her hair, and the girls would spill their drinks on her blouse. She left early, she went to the woods and smelled the beautiful air, and ‘It smells nicer than spitballs' she thought to herself. She brushed all the spitballs in her hair and looked at her hands, she cried thinking to herself 'Why does everyone hate me?!' She went back to school, the boys stuck their disgusting gym socks in her face, the girls called her rude ass names like Whore and "Shit-Face!" right in her face. She knew that Sadie did something, she went home that night and checked it again, and she looked for comments that had Sadie's picture next to the comment. Then a few long hours later, she found the comment! It read 'Look at this Idiot! She can only make one friend, but who am I kidding? No one wants to be this slut's friend besides Tammy the Whore!' She could hear Sadie's laugh in her head, she looked outside of her window, a tree was spray-painted, and it read ‘Sarah’s a Whore’! So Sarah put a note in Sadie's locker to come to the woods tomorrow at 9:30AM, she forged Adam's signature. Sarah planned to "have a friendly chat" with her. The next day at 7:00AM she found a glass shard and a stick and tied it together, and it was her knife. The next day was a Saturday, Sarah spied on them, Sadie and Adam started flirting with each other, Sarah wanted him, and Sadie knew that. The two went into the house, she followed them. Adam sarcastically said "Oh No not a spooky house" They laughed, Sarah was angry she threw a rock in the other direction; Adam said “I'll go check out what that noise was."  Sadie sarcastically cried "Don't leave me to die" she started laughing loudly, 'She is such an attention whore.' she thought to herself. She clenched her knife; it was her time to fight her. She stabbed Sadie in the stomach, then she punched Sarah in her right eye, it bruised it. Sadie screamed at the top of her lungs, Adam turned to her, Sarah ran back to her hiding space before Adam could see her. Adam ran to Sadie's side, her last dying breath said "It was her...Sarah Bailey...” Adam shook her body and screamed "God dammit! How could she?! If I ever see her face again I'll kill her!" Sarah revealed herself and replied "Oho? You think you can kill me? Honey, I don't care anymore about my relationship with you. I can't believe I loved you. You went out with a slut instead of the girl in the back being bullied" shivers went down his spine, "You Monster! I liked you too but now what I saw today makes me hate you" Adam howled. Sarah replied "You broke my heart into two and I killed a threat to society and you hate me?" Sarah laughed, "Honey, I'll break your heart like you did to mine." Adam scoffed "You can't go back to school, everyone will ask about Sadie!" "Not at school Honey, you really are an idiot, Tammy told me that you are an idiot but I didn't listen" Sarah said with pride. Adam was shaking and asked "What are you planning?” Sarah stabbed Adam in the heart and cut it in half in his chest; she laughed "I'm breaking your heart!" She left the building and was no longer known as "Sarah Bailey" she was "Heartbroken".

  