Thread:PrinceCreeper/@comment-4832646-20140224020227

For one thing, that is a forum. Don't post your story there. For another thing, it's a wall of text. It will be deleted in an instant. You must split it into paragraphs. On top of that, tell us more about the being. Delve deeper. It lacks content except that it feeds of thought. Don't say "if you imagine this, you have the curse." It serves only to irritate the reader and leave them questioning. Also, delve more into all of the characters. Have the narrator speculate at why the video is there. What's the point of the man in the video? And does he know his friend is dead? It needs paragraphs and content. It is severely lacking. 