Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6278629-20140408154501/@comment-24077689-20140408174542

Lonley Kohai wrote: can be more polite you know and this could be a draft type thing like on the back of a book but i agree also it could use more detail This is as polite as I get. You don't come here to be coddled and told how fucking good of a job you did because you tried. You come here to improve.

And I'm especially not going to be polite when he posted this 2 hours ago, didn't wait for any real advice and decided to republish it. There's a lot more wrong with this story than that, have some humility.

If this were a "draft type thing" then he wouldn't have republished it. Besides being cliche, this story has no build up, it has no progression, it's a rehash of a story everybody has heard, and to top it off the "bad old lady" trope is just so fucking boring.

Things I have seen in at least 100 other stories:

Evil old lady (1); black empty eyes (2); sinister grin (3); unexplained omnipotence (4); shit being moved around without explanation (5); camera set up (6); "another day at the office" (7); OH SHIT THE BAD GUY IS STILL HERE (8).

Stop recycling tired tropes that we've seen in a million movies and read in a million stories. There's so much wrong with this story that doesn't even have to do with grammar or anything that I'd be amazed if it did make it past the quality standards.