Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27303942-20160514160248/@comment-24101790-20160514162926

I would strongly recommend reading this guide on OC/CPC stories as this falls into a lot of the common pitfalls/cliches. The story seems to follow these guidelines and really doesn't build off of it at all. This makes the story come off as very generic and riddled with cliches and tropes such as:


 * The severely bullied protagonist: "And with that said, he kicked Akira in the gut and started beating him up. Travis and Brian joined in and also beated him up."


 * The hateful messages/dialogue: “Monster!”(comma missing) “Why aren’t you dead?!” (comma missing)“Aww, are you gonna cry? Too bad!”


 * Teachers/parents who ignore the violence: "Akira went to his class too but he was beaten up real bad. When he went inside and sat in his chair, nobody even bothered to help him, even the teachers."


 * The super awkward/out-of-place dialogue: “I’ve been trying to find you last night, but I didn’t have any luck. Now that I found you, it’s time for another beating.”, “Aw…look at the little monster trapped in his cage.”, "“Don’t talk back to ME that way.”, etc. Who exactly talks this way? It feels extremely cartoonish.


 * Protagonist is scarred/disfigured: "After three long days of torture, Akira finally snaps and loses his sanity and patience altogether. He has stitches and cuts all over his body, mainly his face."


 * Protagonist snaps and murders bullies: "Akira starts to stab him in the chest repeatedly, making Johnny weak and weaker each second. Travis and Brian just stood there in shock."


 * Finally there's the obligatory news ending: "Newsflash: The ‘Suburban Killer’ took away 20 lives and counting, police are still investigating the issue and searching the suspect of this weird thread of murders(punctuation missing)"

On top of that, there's also a lot of awkward wording. "Travis and Brian joined in and also beated him up.", "This has been going on for the eternity of his life.", "While he was walking, he noticed he has this weird feeling inside him.", "Anyways, Akira went to his room and plopped unto his bed and slept,", etc. I would suggest reading your story aloud to yourself to catch these instances of tense changes, awkward wording, and incorrect word usage.

Capitalization errors: "“Let go of me!” He (he) blurted" You also should space out dialogue so that two speakers: "“Let go of me!” He blurted out but the goons only smirked at him. They dragged him to their ‘leader’. “Well, well, what do we have here? The little misfit named Akira.”"

I'm sorry, but I really don't think this story is going to pass the standards for this site as it seems to be cobbled together from overused OC/CPC tropes and really doesn't tell an involving story.