Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25012337-20140601202347/@comment-9967354-20140602111948

When I read this poem, at first, I was all: What. Second time, I wondered again. I do not understand what you're trying to convey here, and I don't know if that's a good thing because I don't understand any of this as a whole.

What's wrong here? I'm pretty sure it's not my being a shallow idiot, which I am at some levels, but maybe instead, this being a shallow poem.

Let's begin with the beginning. thinking about reality. Alright, that's not the worst start, so I have nothing to say here. Then, Realizes about the violence... I'm sorry, Who? What? Why? And you don't realize about something, you realize something. Also, if you're going to be using the in the sentence before violence, you might as well state just what violence you're talking about, sooner or later if not right away. And then when the necessity for an example appears, why, exactly? What example?

The rest of it goes downhill. You haven't mentioned the example whose necessity has occurred to whoever is thinking/writing this, and you jump to a random murder. How can a person, this particular mysterious person who reader don't know anything about, be solved by someone with a conscience? And even if I'm wrong, even if this is a concept, not a person, what do these lines have to do with the rest of the poem? Why does he need someone else to have a weapon and another life or whatever? How is this person/concept being useful in any way, or giving society another chance to deal with true life (whatever that is).

You really have to work on your poetry. If you're trying to be subtle, it's not working. Also, this has no plot whatsoever, and if it's on the site, it'd be deleted almost instantly on those grounds (or maybe 'too vague' or 'Quality control').