Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-12616520-20140410103624/@comment-6761334-20140512115018

IF he actually goes back and modifies the pasta based on our feedback I'd still be willing to offer critique. If he is just fishing for reviews then I don't see the point. This area is more for trying to work on a pasta and not just getting people to read what you have posted here.

It's okay. I am not really a fan of pasta monsters, as they tend to be a bit over done. I like my monsters a bit more indescribable. So, you might want to take what I say with a grain of salt because I am not really your indended audience.

The begining paragraph where you try to tell us how real it is - take the whole thing out. It's the weakest part and does nothing for the story. It's been done too many times to actually build tension. You'd need to really approach it from a different angle if you want to keep it.

Personally, I think it is scarier if the children talk for it. Sometimes, the less the monster does directly the scarier it is. Also,  the concept of being Saved by a monster seems a bit cliche. If you could mix it up a little, it might improve it.

other than than, the flow is about right. the pacing is good. And the ending, if a bit predictable, still worked.