Talk:Tobit: The Bleeding Sky/@comment-26030957-20150204032518

I still have not got around to reading your story THE DEMON TOBIT OF DELPHIA and I assume this links into it. That being said your story was awesome and sucked me right in. I am so glad you didn’t make your book bound in human flesh, which was a very common practice in the middle ages but always comes off so cheesy. But I guess that wouldn’t make sense anyway because the book was from a higher civilization. You had some great lines like “an arrogant streak wide enough to land a plane on” and that dialogue exchange where Claire is asked if she can translate glug glug glug and she tells him to put his head in the water – it made me laugh out loud.

Well, I wrote out a couple thoughts. The story is great as it is but you might want to consider a few of these ideas.

In the first chapter could you do something like show Claire come into Dr. Redbay’s office with a thesis or paper and have some dialogue that reveals their relationship, instead of just telling us about it? For instance, maybe it’s Claire’s 34th birthday and he says, “Ever since you turned 30 you have been researching this silly stuff.”

The dialogue at the end of the second chapter is excellent. Maybe you could work in the information about the book into this scene. Maybe even make the beginning of the chapter the speech Claire was giving the board, something like this might make it a bit more dynamic.

40 decades would be 400 hundred years, is that a typo or were you being super sarcastic about his age?

“The original purpose of the dig was all but forgotten”- a cool or even ridiculously mundane reason might be real powerful here. Remember last year when they found Richard III’s remains in England when they were paving a parking lot? Something like that would lend levity and just be neat.

Well I can’t wait to read more. I guess I should go read THE DEMON TOBIT OF DELPHIA now so I’m more aware of what is going on here. Is Claire going to end up in Iceland? No spoilers- don’t tell me.

Good   job, nice work.