Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30771515-20170123074702/@comment-30771515-20170207031715

Derpyspaghetti wrote: Yeah... Helpful is not the way I would describe it. Thanks.

Anyway, I have the review now:

First off, the description of the clowns' costumes feels awkward. Maybe have some kind of mini-convo where people go back and forth, adding things. I'm terrible at explaining it, I'll just give you an example:

coldballs58008:Mr. Chuckles had some sort of suspenders, and didn't he have those weird pants that show, like, an inch of his ankle?

RogernatorIcantrememberthenumbers:Yeah, and some kind of makeup? Like, with a beanie on top, too?

idk, that's just what I thought should happen.

The next issue is that the paragraph explaining what the clowns did seems waaay too big (like, average deleted story-sized big) and can be a bit intimidating to read. I would break that up, maybe just breaking up the paragraph with every pause? I don't know.

Also, finish it. That might be impotent.

Anyway, this was really good. It gave off the candle-covey vibe, while still bringing something interesting to the table.

I knew that was an issue as well, I will work on that for sure and I know lol I just felt like I had to explain everything as best as I could and the thing is I was going to do a sequel to this, it's still in the works and some sub stories are going to be written as well, I'm almost finished with the 911 call of Phoebe Baxter and I'm also thinking about writing the Journal of Nick's father while he was in the mental hospital. Candle cove was my inspiration for this, thanks once again derp. Version 2.0 will be released with your advice in mind