Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27012445-20180822012506/@comment-35711173-20180822045829

KillaHawke1,

I understand the difficulty of making a good creepypasta out of your own childhood memories. People will say it's dull or worse, unbelievable.

My advice: go to the paragraph that starts with "It was a Saturday afternoon." Carefully look up. What before that point has to do with the experience of two boys? I would also remove the Morgan Freeman comedy show stuff. It takes you right out of the experience of being a kid that was about to experience a bee attack.

Now, build on the individual details of the stinging, the fear, the physical reactions.

Dr. Bob