Talk:Tobit: From Love Comes Damnation/@comment-25024572-20150418203454

This is an incredible story. It's the kind that, once you start reading, it's hard to stop. The characters have great dialogue, and I love the wit imbued in them (Well, for the most part; I'll get to that in a bit). I usually don't care much for stories involving romance, but here I really did enjoy it. Jennifer was a fun character, and I was actually sad that she did die. I knew it was coming, but I wasn't happy when it did. Granted, I will admit, the romance angle did occasionally seem a bit sappy and cliché, but it did work very well.

Let's talk a bit about the dialogue. Holy crap, the dialogue. It is great. I love the wit and humor that comes from it. Hell, I think there were a few times when I audibly said, "Oh, snap." after an insult. It's rather rare that I do that while reading.

The plot moves a good pace; not too fast, not too slow. This helps give time to the characters that, as I've said, are great.

However, not all is perfect in this story, though my complaints are mostly kind of nitpicky. For example, I was a bit confused when Lance started talking after he woke up. Who was he talking to? Why was he talking? Was he just monologuing? Also, while I do like the characters, I'm not the biggest fan of Tabitha Shaw. She's alright, but a little to profane. While I don't mind profanity, it just seems a bit unnecessary here.

Really, this story is great. Most everything works, and the only problems I have with it are just personal nitpicks. Great job, and I look forward to the next chapter.