Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5553246-20151209031609

This is a pasta I write that was deleted. It's my first pasta ever, so feel free to criticize it as much as you like. I'm just looking for constructive critism. I tried not to use cliches, & when I did it was to try and reinvent the concept. I tried to make the protagonist different and more of a badass. I wanted to use wit to try and get the pasta to make fun of itself a bit and I feel I may have gone a little too over the top with it. Anyways, here's my pasta, let me know why you think: I don't know if anyone can hear this, but if you can, I need your help. I've been trying to get in contact with other people but so far I've had no luck. I'm not sure if anyone will get this message, but it's worth a shot. Many names in this story have been changed to protect privacy.

Anyways, my name is Amy Jones. This all started after I was fired from my job. I would love to tell you that I happened to work at a Nickelodeon studio where creepy lost episodes were made, but all I can say is I worked at a Burger King. Anyways, my mother Margret and I never had the best relationship. Because of how she acted toward her children, my teenaged brother Billy never really had anybody to talk to. However, right after I lost my job, his behavior started become… weird. Or at least weirder than usual. He barely blinked for hours, and he refused to eat or sleep. But what was most peculiar was that every afternoon at precisely 3:45PM, he'd go to the Oakwood Forest. According to an urban legend, this place is haunted by ghosts. Of course, I became one of those clichéd "idiots in a horror movie" and went in.

Billy and I never talked much but he was still my brother and I couldn't let anything happen to him. We tried to get him mental help but nothing worked. We had tried just about everything. So I decided to do what I always do when I'm anxious and not thinking straight, go into the damn forest. Of course this was so stupid that I even told myself several times that it was the least intelligent thing to do in this situation, but I went in anyways because those ghost stories were just stupid myths right? Yep. I feel a victim to the horror movie cliché, yet again. Anyways, as I went into the forest, it felt almost never ending, but a strong force kept pulling me in. Eventually, I started to feel like someone was stalking me. I noticed a black hooded man from time to time. He was always showing up in the corner of my eye. I wanted to stop but I couldn't. I was still being pulled in. However, after a few hours I finally snapped out of it. That hooded thing could've been anyone or anything, but it didn't matter. Not to me. All I knew was that there was a creature putting my life in jeopardy and I had to stop it. "Here I am bitch," I shouted. "Come and get me. I'm right here. That's right, go ahead. I'm not afraid of death!" I exclaimed. Sure enough, the creature appeared and lunged toward me. I immediately went for my gun. "Not sure if bullets can kill you assholes but what the hell do I have to loose?" I said. I shot the creature multiple times. Finally, he fell to the ground. "I tried to save you," it told me. "tried to stop you from becoming like me." It said.

All I remember after that is waking up in a strange room. It seemed deserted. I saw a door leading into another room, and decided to go check it out. In there, I saw about a dozen skeletal bodies. They were all set up to look like they were starring at computer screens. Just then, I noticed wires connected to their heads. As if their brains were connected to these computers. There was a sign on the wall. I can't remember exactly what it said but it read something like "Thought… Containment Group thingy #78". What the hell? There were more of these?! I immediately dashed out the nearest emergency exit. I noticed graffiti on the wall of the building that was written in some foreign language.

I went to the streets to see something that made me cringe. It was New York City, except it was deserted. It's buildings destroyed. I couldn't find a single human anywhere in sight. There was nothing but rubble and a black sky. Anyways, that leads me to where I am now. If you're getting this, you're probably wondering what the hell is going on. Unfortunately, I have no idea. I went into one of the abandoned apartments to find a laptop and decided I might share my journal entry. If there is anyone else left in this hell hole, maybe they'll find it. I have a number of theories as to how I got to this… shadow dimension. Perhaps, I'm in hell. That's ok. I've been through plenty of hell in my lifetime. Maybe, this is all a dream and I have to find some way to return to reality. It's kind of a rip-off of Inception, but right about now, I'd believe anything. But that still doesn't cross off my greatest fear: what if I'm not the one dreaming? What if those bodies were? What if the computers programmed their dreams? What if I'm only waking up to the actual reality? The only one that's ever been? The one we never quite knew was there. 