Talk:The Spider on the Television/@comment-5733573-20180910112231

This was a very well thought out but ultimately unsatisfying story. The lack of any sort of payoff just makes it feel like wasted time. You take us through a completely realistic chain of events for the first two thirds of the story, then introduce a weird and totally out of place element and then you just never explain or tie anything together. There are also lots of little unnecessary moments and characters. The phone call with the friend and the entirety of the gossip's character could easily be cut without harming the story. These moments add nothing and just add to the wasted time feeling.

There are also a few grammatical things going on. For example, I don't think "tepidly" means what you think it does. Is there a word that would work better there? There were also some punctuation issues, but I think I got most of them.

As I said, you have done a great job of clearly envisioning the entire situation here. It just needs a bigger payoff and more internal connection in order to feel like there's a point to it all.