Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-24942109-20150719211023

Hello, I wrote a Creepypasta a while ago and uploaded it on the german Creepypasta wiki. I haven´t got so many reviews but the people seemd to like it. I wanted to translate it into english but my translation was horrible, so a friend was so kind and translated it for me. I uploaded it here but it was deleted due to the bad grammar. I have  already asked for help and someone said yes, but she gave up and now I don´t know how bad the grammar is. The Creepypasta is also very long, I guess that was the reason why she gave up. It would be a big help if someone could tell me where still mistakes are.

The Creepypasta:

"Oh, when will they finally come?" A teenage girl was standing in front of an old factory, her arms crossed. She was standing there for about 20 minutes, waiting for her friends. It was the last day of the summer-holidays, more precisely of the last holidays they spend together. They've passed grade 10, tomorrow they would go their separate ways. Job, education, high school or whatever. The four friends wanted to make a big party for the last time.

Right, it wasn't the best idea to join a party at the last day before work or school, but Mark wasn't known for good ideas. Well, by the way it was Marks idea. And well, it was his last idea when he didn't arrive soon, the girl thought. Further 5 minutes passed and she wants to go back home as she heard her friends coming-finally. You can´t ignore them easily, she thought, as loud as they quarreled. "I told you we had to use the back door!"

"And I said several times that she would have caught us there too!"

"Who caught you?" the girl asked. "S-Steph?! Ha, I told you she would be here!" Steph saw one of her friends giving Mark 5 €, grumbling. "Could you please stop that, guys?" she asked angered. "Nope, not possible. Nick bets so bad that hes financing my stuff." Mark said. Nick grumbled, confirming it. "So, what was taking so much time?" Steph asked. "Ehm, a little problem with the drinks" answered Mark pointing at the box full of beer, wich they had taken there. She could already imagine what he mean. "Let me guess, your mom. Right?" she asked.

Mark was about to reply as Nick took up the word. "Yup, we just wanted to get the beer out of his house, as she catched us. What wouldn't have happened if we would´ve taken the back door!"

"The back door is right next to the kitchen. She had also seen us there!"

"Oh really, what did you know!?"

"Hey, it's my house, and if you did not notice that: I live there!"

"And what happened next?", asked Steph before the two could argue again. "Well, she saw the beer and angrily took the box away from us.", Mark answered. "And what did you do?" Steph wanted to know. "Of course that was not our only box." Nick replied with a grin. "We had left an emergency box in Marks room, which we took away then." He continued. "And how did you get it past Mark's mom?" Steph asked. "Oh, we took it and got off, climbing through the window." Nick answered. "Isn't Mark's room upstairs? How did you... well, I guess I dont really want to know that. Did you see Kevin on the way?" She wanted to know. "Kevin? We thought he is here." Replied Mark and looked at Steph with a big question mark floating over his head. Steph was about to reply as she saw Kevin running towards them. "Hey, don't start without me!" He called. "Don't lead us into temptation!" the others responsed at the same time. Kevin stopped in front of them, panting.

"Sorry,I nearly forgot it" he said. "Typical" they all said again. "So, will we just stand here in front of it or will we go in?" Mark asked. They slowly started moving. Opening the door was quite easy. It was locked, but the padlock was so old that it cracked into pieces at the first touch. The little group entered the entrance hall. They couldn't see very much because the sunlight was fainting, but Nick found a light switch quite fast. The light went on flickering and they saw much more of the hall. Everything looked pretty dusty and old. No matter what was stored there once, it was all taken away some time ago. Amazing was that all lights still worked properly. "Tell me, was one of you here before?" Steph wanted to know. "No" Nick and Kevin answered at the same time. "I was here once" Mark said. "Really?" Steph asked. "Well, is outside the building counting too?" he asked. An annoyed moaning was the answer.

"So, I don't know what you planned, but I´d like to explore the building a bit, are you coming with me, Kevin?" Nick asked. "Oh, I do´nt know. Mark, why did you choose this place?" Kevin asked. "Why not? This place is perfect. Nobody was here for years." Mark replied. "And why?" Kevin wanted to know. "Well, I heard about it. Not to mention the company the factory belonged to had gone bankrupt, you will hear strange noises at night." Steph replied with a big grin. "R-R-Really?" Kevin asked. The only response he got was laughing. "Now don't be such a coward, I would also ensure that we are exploring at least the ground floor." Mark said. "Umm, do we really need to? It's also quite pretty outside the Factory." Kevin stammered. "Shush. Just go, you Fraidy-cat." Steph replied. "O-Okay" Kevin said.

The group started moving, but the whole ground floor seemed to be filled with storage rooms.

After a while, the group arrived in an room which seemed to be a kind of canteen. Most of the chairs were missing, but some were still there. "So, I would say we stay here first.” Steph said. “Shouldn’t we explore the upper floor?” Kevin asked. “Wasn’t it you who didn’t want to explore the ground floor?” Steph mentioned. “W-Whatever, maybe it’s not that creepy I thought.” “Well, I want to stay here first.” Mark said. “Me too.” Nick mentioned. “This does not happen that often, but I agree to them. You can go to the upper floor alone if you want” Steph said. “Okay” Kevin replied. Grumbling he went to the stairs. As they couldn’t see him anymore Steph said: "So, you thought of the snacks Mark?" "Me? Nick wanted to take the snacks. " ,replied Mark. "I never said that!" replied Nick. Annoyed, Steph asked: "Did you at least thought about the music Nick?" "Me? Mark wanted to bring the music up here. " Replied Nick.

“What?! I would remember that, wouldn’t I?”

“Tzz, wouldn’t be the first time you forgot something!”

“Give me one example”

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">“The poster for school”

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">“Well, that…”

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">“The tickets for the concert”

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">“Well, yes but…”

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">While the two began to argue Steph sat down on a chair annoyed. Meanwhile, they were arguing about which drink was better, Cola or Pepsi. The party was not like they had imagined. After half an hour she had enough. “I don’t know how long you two want to discuss about that, but I´ll go upstairs to search Kevin” Steph said. Without checking whether the two had heard what she said, she went to the stairs. There was an elevator, but because she strongly doubted that it was in good condition, she preferred to take the stairs. At the top she could already hear how Mark and Nick followed her. "And, have you finally ended your dispute?” Steph asked. "Yes we have, and we came to the conclusion that we still don’t like both." Mark replied. “Wasn’t the discuss about Mark’s problem to remember things?” Steph wanted to know.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">"Oh yes, so for that matter…" Nick replied. "Now do not catch that again" Steph interrupted him. "I think we’re looking for Kevin and go home, what do you think?" Steph suggested. "Oh, do we really have to go?" Nick asked while he was staring at Steph with his puppy eyes. “Oh come on, what shall we do in here? You two forgot more than the half of our stuff and I sat around for a whole hour waiting for you to finish your discussion about Coke. Ok, we can explore the upper floor as well, but after it I will go home.” Mark and Nick looked at each other and nodded. "All right, then let's begin." Steph said.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Silently they walked down a long hall. Nick didn’t know if he should go home after this. Maybe he could go with Mark… and they could… A scratching sound made him stop. Also, Mark and Steph fared no differently. “What was that?” he wanted to know. “It’s coming from over there” Steph said pointing at a door. The group stopped in front of the door. The Scratching noise was clearly to hear here. “Should we open it?” Steph asked. "Have fun." Mark and Nick answered. Annoyed, she looked at the two, then she slowly reached for the doorknob. The noise grew louder and louder. She paused a moment, then she opened the door. The three quickly dodged back to avoid being hit by a bunch of cleaning products. "Since you have your strange noise Nick. This is only a closet. That were probably mice. “ Steph said.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Nick was looking around. Along the corridor, there were more doors. Did he really want to go in all this rooms? Slowly he just wanted to find Kevin and get out of here. They walked on. "What's wrong Nick, afraid of a few mice," Mark asked. "Oh, it´s not that. I want only… "Nick paused. The door he wanted to open was locked. "Let me have a go." Said Mark as he began to shake the latch. "This is useless. Let us rather go to the next door. “ Steph mentioned. Silently they followed Steph to the next door. There probably minor things were sometimes stored. However, the shelves were now empty. 10 Flashlights were lying on the table. Nick took one and handed one Mark and Steph too. "You never know." Nick said. He looked further into the room. In addition to dust there was nothing on the shelves. In the corner of the room he stopped. “Petrol? Did they need that in a factory?” he asked. Granted, Nick had no idea about such things, but he found it strange to found about a dozen petrol cans here when everything else was removed.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">They went to the next room. It was probably an old office. A desk with a PC on it were still in the middle of the room. "The thing was probably so old that no one wants it.” Mark said. Steph leaned across the table. Nick could hear how she turned on the PC. However, on the monitor was only a flicker to see. “It hasn’t survived the time so well.” “Try it with kicking, maybe it works better than.” Mark said. "Let's just go." Said Steph. The three left the room. The PC flickered further ahead. A growl was heard, after which only the PC and then all the light went out in the room. Mark and Steph walked into the next room. Nick stood outside. “How many rooms are here?” he thought. Suddenly he heard Steph scream. He ran to her in the room. Steph and Mark stood in the corner, his eyes wide with shock. “What happened?” He asked. Trembling showed Steph at something in the other corner of the room. Nick was instantly bad. What was there was the lower body of a human. He looked there for a second time. These shoes ... “K-Kevin…” Nick stammers. For a few seconds they all stared at the remains of their friend in disbelief. "We have to get out of here." Mark said. Nick nodded, unable to speak. They hurried out of the room. Nick ran after his friends. When they reached the stairs, he stopped abruptly.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">He ignored that Mark and Steph continue running and vomited. “What the hell was going on here?” He thought. He gathered a few more seconds and then he ran on. As he arrived in the canteen he stopped. Was that already there before? Directly in front of him was a metal grating, one of them who can be shut down to protect shops and other. He ignored it and kept running in the other direction. “There are just storage rooms down here.” He thought. But where the hell were Mark and Steph? He ran on, but noted that there was probably only one exit from the canteen. “Damn!” he thought to himself. He looked around the canteen. There's got to be an exit.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">He was looking for a door, but in vain. Suddenly the lights went out. “Well great” Covered Nick. Outside there now must be grown dark already, at least you couldn’t see it from inside this building. Then he remembered the flashlight. He turned it on, only to see a movement in the extreme angle of the light cone. „M-Mark? Steph?“ he stammers. With the flashlight he looked deeper in the room. At the other end of the room he saw it again. No, it couldn’t be Mark or Steph, it was much too large. Backward he went to the wall. When he touched it with his back he was so shocked that the flashlight falls down and went out. He was about to pick up the flashlight again, as he remembered the movement again. He couldn’t really see in the dark, but the little bit of what he saw disturbed him. He only saw rough outlines, but whatever it was, it came running towards him. “Shit!” Was the last thing Nick thought.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Steph ran through the felt hundredth Warehouse, Mark right next to her. At last they reached the entrance hall. However, Steph's joy quickly faded when she saw that a metal grid was on the wall and also on the door of course. Rasping she stopped. Steph looked around. Nick was nowhere to be seen. "Where's Nick?" she asked. Now Mark also looked around. “Damn, we lost him!” he said. “So, what shall we do now?!” Steph wanted to know. “There must be another exit. We only have to search.” Mark answered. "And what about Nick?" Steph said. "When whatever has caught Kevin hasn’t found him yet we hopefully find him." Mark replied. Steph shuddered at the thought of Nick ended up as Kevin. Silently she followed Mark.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">“And where you thought is the other exit?” she asked. “Maybe there is a back door or a window.” Mark answered. Steph wasn’t so sure. She had as she had been waiting for the boys viewed the building in more detail. She couldn’t remember a window on the ground floor. The only window she had seen was a large on the front of the building. To get there they had to go through the whole ground floor back to the canteen, and from there to the first floor and completely through the first floor again. And even if they could do it by then, could they jump from there? Silently they walked through the warehouses, while they look for doors or windows. Steph wondered just what would be worse, to be torn in half or smashed to lie on the floor.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">They had almost the entire ground floor traversed without finding an exit. They approached again the canteen. Steph shuddered. Why were the lights out? “Did we really have to go in there?” She asked Mark. "This is the last room down here, so we could find an exit here most likely. We have also the flashlights. "Mark replied. They both turned on their flashlights and went to the canteen. “Did you already found something?” Mark asked. They searched with flashlights, but without success. Steph approached the rear wall. “If we didn’t find a door we will have to- oh shit!” Steph looked stunned on the wall. It was on a huge splash of blood, which went over the entire wall to the corner. In the corner was Nick's lower body. Parts of his entrails were facing the wall, as if they were sliding down there. Steph was so shocked that the flashlight falls out of her hands. “What’s wrong?” Mark asked. He went to her and dropped his flashlight too. Horrified, they stared at the remains of Nick, unable to move. Steph felt tears running down her cheek. “We will never get out of here.” She stammered. “Don’t talk so, we just have to-“ Mark answered, but suddenly stopped when he noticed a movement at the other end of the room.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Steph's flashlight had gone out as it felt to the ground, his was shining on their feet. They couldn’t see what was in the other end of the room, but they could hear how it came running towards them. Steph stared in horror at the direction of the noise. It came closer and closer, soon it would have reached her. Then she discovered how Mark picked up his flashlight and pointed in the direction of the noise. Steph's blood froze in her veins. Whatever it was, it stopped abruptly as the light of the flashlight hits it. Smoke rose from the locations the light hits and they could hear it hissing, as if the light would burn it. Steph clung to Marks arm. What the hell was that? It looked like a big dog about two meters, with horns on the head and back. However, what was most disturbing, was the fact that the left half of the face, both front paws and one hind paw were only composed of bone. On the left side of the body there was a hole where you could see the ribs. The eye on the right side of the face was red with a white, slit-like iris.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Paralyzed with fear Steph stared at it until she realized that she was pulled away from Mark. Mark headed for the exit of the canteen, Steph right behind him. They had almost reached the exit as Steph stumbled. Mark was in the next room, but stopped abruptly when he heard Steph fall. She saw how he ran to her, and realized with a shock that just as a grid, like that had blocked their path, went down in the entrance of the canteen. Steph got to her feet and ran towards the entrance, but she was too slow. She slammed against the bars, saw Mark's anguished face on the other side. He handed her his flashlight through the grid. "Run!" Was the only thing he said.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">She heard approached the beast, and ran. In the canteen she was caught, so she ran up the stairs. She wondered whether it would be here just wide enough for the Beast when she heard it run up the stairs. She felt down. Taking several steps at a time she runs up, and came up to the stop, panting. The light was still burning up. Steph could not remember ever having been so happy about light. She walked into the hallway and looked from a distance down the stairs. There was nothing to see or hear. Steph was just relieved exhale when she heard a strange, rather animal noise. It reminded her of a laugh. Suddenly, the first light bulb of the hallway went out. Steph went in terror together, not only because of the light but because they could hear the beast came running up the stairs. The other lamps down the corridor were still burning so she runs, always towards the light.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">She had reached the second lamp just as these went out too. Tears gathered in Steph's eyes. She ran down the hall, hearing the Beast coming closer behind her, and just when she had reached a lamp it went out. She had almost reached the end of the corridor. In the room beyond was no light. "Shit," she cried since she remembered her flashlight. The last light of the hall went out. Steph ignored it, kept running into the next room. She turned on the flashlight, and was about to turn around to direct it to the Beast. Suddenly she stumbled again and the flashlight flew away in a high arc. Steph couldn’t see much in the darkness, but she saw a shelf which stood a few feet away on the wall of the room. And on it lies her flashlight. Fortunately for her, the flashlight had fallen so that the light shone obliquely on the ground. She was about to run to the shelf when she heard how the Beast came into the room. She just managed to stand in the light cone. "Shit," she said as she got circled by the beast.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Mark shook the grid. He could feel a hole in the bottom struts and tried to make it bigger, which proved to be quite difficult without light. In thought he saw again how he handed the flashlight to Steph, as he looked into her fear-infused face. He saw her ran off and how something followers her. If it would catch her ... With this thought he kicked the grid, whereupon the bottom strut broke out. Facilitates squeezed Mark through the hole. He wanted to start running immediately and help Steph, when he remembered that he couldn’t align much without a flashlight or other light source against the Beast. Then he remembered the room with flashlights again. Mark ran up the stairs. At the top he turned horrified determined that the whole hallway was dark. And if Steph had now been caught yet? He pushed the thought aside and went into the room with many shelves. Mark entered the room, but could hardly see anything. He fumbled in front of him and cursed as he pushed his leg against the table. He took a flashlight and turned it on.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">He wondered where Steph could be. If they only had looked around here better. He took all the flashlights and went back into the hallway. Mark drove to the end of the corridor, while still holding out for blood on the walls. When he reached the end of the hall he pressed himself against the wall and peered into the next room. He almost dropped the flashlights in fright. In the room he saw Steph, which was encircled by the beast. The only thing that protected her was the beam of her flashlight in which she stood. Suddenly the beast stopped. Mark looked at it. It grinned formally. Suddenly the light of flashlight Steph grew brighter until the light bulb burst.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">"Stephanie !!!!" Mark shouted as he ran to the beast and threw it with flashlights. That was really not a very clever use of flashlights, but it doesn’t matter to him. The light cone of most flashlights showed after they came up on the floor on the Beast. It yelped and ran off, past Mark and down the hallway.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Mark walked over to Steph. She crouched trembling on the floor. He knelt down to her and they hugged. "What shall we do now?" She asked. “I don’t know. Wait… petrol!” he answered. He helped Steph on the legs. She looked at him and knew what he meant. Together they went back into the hallway. They went into the room from which they had brought the flashlights and took the petrol cans. Then they went back to the room with the shelf. The room had only one other door that went through it. Behind it was a large room with a huge window. They entered the room. “Perfect!” Mark said. The room was only accessible through one door, and if they did it right the Beast would sit in the case, while the two were able to escape. Mark nodded to Steph whereupon both started to distribute the gasoline in the room. He took out a pack of matches from his pocket. "Do you have a lighter or something?" He asked Steph. "Yes, but it´s not working very well.” She replied. "Then I just hope that this is enough" He shook the match pack. However, the noise was quite daunting. He opened the box. Inside were still two matches. "Well great." He said. Steph stopped suddenly. Mark turned around and saw the beast in the door threshold. He wanted to light a match, but without success. Suddenly he saw the beast running towards Steph. He dropped the matches and pushed her out of the way. Because of the gasoline sie skidded across the floor.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Mark felt nothing. He saw how teeth pierced into his body, how his upper body slowly separated from his lower body, he heard muffled Steph’s scream. He was thrown through the air and crashed against the wall. When he opened his eyes he saw Steph. She was full of petrol but she smiled at him. She held her lighter in one hand. His gaze was always blurred but he could still see the small flame. Then Steph dropped it and everything went up in flames.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Everywhere were flames. It burned, not only because of the heat but also because of the light. Frantically she looked around the room. The only exit was blocked by flames. She had to find a way out of here quickly. Flashlights were no problem for her, it’s rather the shock of it that makes her always yelp. Fire was there a whole different thing. She smelled singed fur. Suddenly she ran and jumped through the window. It shattered into a thousand pieces but were deterred by her fur.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">She landed at the ground and looked up. Flames shot out of the broken window. She Focused and let go down metal walls, so that the fire wouldn’t spread throughout the building. In order to clean the hall she would deal with it later. She ran along the road in front of the building. She couldn’t remember that people have ever brought her so far. The two have almost survived, and she hated that certainty.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">She wondered what she could make the night even more. The gasoline would soon be burned but she would have to return just before dawn at the latest anyway. She wondered how the two ever had the gasoline. She hadn’t seen how they had brought it with. Suddenly she stopped. Had someone else brought the gasoline in her factory? But who... she has to find that out later. She decided to go to the city to “enjoy” a bit. She walked further along the path and concentrated, whereupon she began to look humanly. Finally, she looked like a petite, all in black dressed teenager. She puts on the hood of her sweater, under it she wears a mask. It showed a ferocious grin and on the left half of it the eye and the jagged mouth were running down.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Suddenly she stopped. At the end of the road she saw someone. She went up to him, the skin on her hands pulled back, baring sharp finger bones. She kept them in battle position and quickened her pace. Suddenly she held attachments. "Matt," she cried and stared at the person in disbelief. "Beast?" Came the reply.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">Joyful Beast took off her mask and pulled down the hood. 2 doggy ears came among them to the fore. She stopped in front Mat. "Where is the toilet?" Matt asked. Beast looked up at the window, a lot of smoke was climbing out. "Um, is not so favorable now." She replied. "Shit," Matt said. Beast looked at him aghast. "So then please go in the bushes." She said. "Iiiih." Matt replied. He looked up at the window.

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">"Can it be that your factory is on fire?"

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">"Ejup"

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">"Oh, then we'd better get going."

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">"Yes, maybe. What shall we do? "

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">"What about eating ice cream?"

<span style="color:rgb(44,54,53);font-family:Verdana,sans-serif;line-height:19.5px;">"Jay!" <ac_metadata title="Can someone help me with the grammar?"> </ac_metadata>