Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33904527-20181111004641/@comment-36815674-20181111082029

Ok....... I'm very big about the first few lines grabbing the reader. I was hooked 1st through 3rd paragraphs. When I got passed the 3rd paragraph it felt like it started going down from there and not up. I think I re-read first 9 paragraphs a few times.

I'm glad you had commas in some of those long sentences.(lol) I have read some stories where the sentence was so long, I was like how the hell am I supposed to read this in one breath.

Now keep in mind I'm not a author I'm a Narrator so yeah. From a narrator perspective make sure the story keeps going up as in keeping people hooked. Some will say add more detail in to it but I feel to much is over kill to me.

Maybe one of the other guys will Critique it better then me. I gave you narrator part of it.