Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-43391742-20190804183542/@comment-35711173-20190804234801

Ned Wolfkin's review is a very good one.

Normally I start with comments on the English of the story, but Ned did such a thorough job that it's not necessary. Instead, I will just suggest a couple of free online tools to use next time before going into the story itself. This is just a tiny fraction of the tools out there. Use them. Between them, they would have caught all those errors and more.


 * https://www.grammarly.com
 * https://www.hemingwayapp.com

Good writing makes us feel the emotions. Where is the emotional reaction?

People will fight being killed. We're made that way. Their brains will go into fight or flight mode. They will act to prevent dying. If they don't fight, something must be stopping it. Here are a few plot ideas.


 * They struggle and fight. We dramatically experience the whole fight.
 * They initially struggle, but the tendrils paralyze them. They want to fight, but can't.  This is terrorizing as they are completely helpless.
 * They initially struggle, but the tendrils inject something with psychoactive properties. The more tendrils get into them, the more they experience something like orgasmic euphoria as they are ripped apart by the plant.
 * They initially struggle, but the tendrils make them become one with the mind and will of the plant. They want to be eaten by the end.

I work with this rule of Creepypasta: Start normal or only mildly strange. Escalate to downright creepy, and then go into the reader experiencing full fledged horror. You need to work on that progression. I am not feeling it.