Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25155011-20140728180852/@comment-24957984-20140728192035

I think the plot is consistent. I like the details you used to describe the characters, the scenario and the event, and I didn't really notice much grammar/spelling errors.

However, the plot is pretty cliché. It's not the first time that I see a story about a man who used to have a sad life and then chase kids. Almost sounds like Jeff the Killer, so I don't know if this can be published without going through Spinoff Appeal, and some parts sounds like a summary about the character.

Also, avoid using elipses. They're....really....annoying...when...you're...trying...to...read...

Overall, not bad, but nothing special.