Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36012429-20181019074237/@comment-9041013-20181019110515

Well, in all honesty, it doesn't read much like a poem. I couldn't pick up a rhythm here nor much of a linguisting aesthetic here. No rhymes, not much metaphoring going around. There's like one single metaphor throughout the whole thing. No Similes, not really many literary devices.

Here's the thing though, this could serve as a short standalone monologue which would work pretty well if you give it a little meat, I guess around 200 - 400 words or so. You have the ability to tug at a reader's emotions with your darkside writing.

Anyways, I'm not really good with poems myself, so I have no clue what you can improve right off the bat, let's way for someone with more ideas to come along. :)