Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25825682-20150723152004/@comment-25037895-20150724013726

The meter is flawed, the second line in the third stanza has too many syllables. The third line in the fifth stanza has one too many syllables. The fifth stanza reads a bit choppy. There's two questions missing question marks. Consider adding something to the end, so that something happens to add intensity, that ending seems melodramatic, it brings it down IMO.