User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Normal Porn For Normal People (NSFW)

Before I actually start this Riff intro, I just have to say one thing: This story and Riff is NSFW. So if you're reading this at school or work, I recommend you don't. Read it when you get home or something.

Alright, now that the warning is out of the way, let's begin my first Riff of an NSFW story, "Normal Porn For Normal People." This is one that's actually pretty popular and on the Suggested Reading List. However, according to certain comments on some of my Riffs, the story is rather overrated. (By the way, I have an idea regarding the Suggested Reading list. Why not take every PoTM from the year, and vote on them. Whichever has the highest vote becomes part of the Suggested Reading list. That way, good quality is almost certainly assured. Just a thought) I personally don't think it's that bad per se. Just a tad weird and anticlimactic. Why? Well, get your tissues and hand cream ready, and let's Riff this bitch!

Everybody knows that if you surf the web long enough, you'll see some pretty sick shit.

Like the Creepypasta Land Wiki.

This is especially true if you intentionally dwell into the dark underbelly of the internet. I've seen quite a few things I don't care to admit to, but one thing that I'll always remember is

(Narrator): A video called “Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life.”

a site called "normalpornfornormalpeople.com". The first strange thing about the site was that I didn't find it by actually looking for it. It was e-mailed to me by someone I didn't know. The e-mail was as follows:

Hi there found this site is very nice thought u might like normalpornfornormalpeople.com pass it on, for the good of mankind

(Email Person): Mankind is doomed if you don’t watch porn!

Pretty standard issue chain letter, although the url and the last remark really piqued my curiosity. I was having a very boring day when I got this, so I made sure my anti-virus was working and then I clicked on it.

It was a very average, very generic looking site. It gave the impression that the creators just BARELY gave a shit about making it look professional.

So it’s basically like most of the stories I Riff.

The author seemed to have a very tenuous grasp on English, and on the front page was a long, boring, and incoherent rant that I don't remember or have saved.

So it's almost exactly like most of the stories I Riff.

The site had a strange tagline (which even today people haven't figured out the meaning of), which was:

"Normal Porn for Normal People, A Website Dedicated To The Eradication of Abnormal Sexuality"

Normalpornfornormalpeople.com takes a hard stance against furries.

And from the sound of that, I wasn't sure whether I was here to watch porn or if I had stumbled onto some kind of eugenics program.

''You did both. This is actually Hitler’s porn site. Well, one of them. Others include masturbatoryfantasiesofthemasterrace.com, nazinaughty.net, and peoplejewscantdo.org.''

But I was here now, and I was very, very curious to see what "Normal People" get their rocks off to. So I scrolled down through the rant and...nothing. The page didn't seem to link to anywhere else, and I was about to leave when I noticed every word of the rant was its own hyperlink.

So I clicked one of them, and was sent to a white page with very long list of links in the form of:

"normalpornfornormalpeople.com/(random letters)"

So I stopped for a minute and asked myself if I really wanted to waste God knows how much time clicking random links that will likely give me a virus that will rape my computer.

''(Narrator): Well, since I’m the main character of a Creepypasta story, of course I do! I’m a moron!''

I figured I'd just try it for maybe five minutes, just to see if anything came up. I clicked one of the links, and was sent to another page. This page apparently had totally different urls than the last one.

I was just about to say "Fuck this" when I clicked on the third link, and a video download came up. It was called "peanut.avi". It was a thirty-minute video of a man, a woman and a dog in a kitchen.

I don’t think I want to know where this is going.

The woman would make a peanut butter sandwich, and the man would set it down for the dog to eat. This was all that happened, for thirty minutes. It was obvious that the cameraman had to stop filming and wait until the dog was ready to eat again, and the dog seemed rather sick by the end of it.

I know what you're thinking: "What the hell does that have to do with porn?" I have no clue. I've seen a little over two dozen videos from this site, and the majority had no sexual activity at all.

After watching peanut.avi, I went on a certain image board I frequent to play online show and tell, like I always do with weird shit like this. But someone had already made a thread about it, some guy who had received the same chain letter I did. The image board thread got lots of people with nothing better to do to dig through the site, and that's how I saw other videos. Most of those two dozen videos were very uneventful, and consisted of people talking to the cameraman in a room with nothing in it but a desk and a few chairs.

The eradication of abnormal sexuality, everyone!

I mean literally nothing on the walls, or in terms of furniture. The whole room had a very cold, sterile feel to it.

The conversations were just idle banter about previous jobs or embarrassing childhood moments. I kept expecting some kind of discussion about what the people were filming or what the site was about, but of course, nothing. You would never know these videos had anything to do with porn if you saw it out of context. I will say one thing though, the people who appeared in these videos were quite attractive.

(Narrator): That’s how I was able to jerk off to these videos.

However, the other videos that actually did feature content which I suppose could be called "sexual" is where things got weird.

I'll give brief descriptions of the stranger videos; if you're really eaten up with curiosity you can try to hunt them down on a torrent site.

lickedclean.avi

A ten-minute video filmed by a hidden camera in which we see a repairman working on a washing machine for the first two minutes.

Oh, how sexy!

When it's fixed, the repairman talks to the owner briefly, and then leaves. The owner checks to make sure the repairman is gone, and he begins to lick all over the top of the washing machine. This goes on for seven minutes.

Ummm…kinky?

jimbo.avi

''Apparently Jimmy Neutron starred in this one. Things must've gotten desperate after the cancellation of his show.''

A five-minute video of an obese mime performing his act. It was actually pretty funny, particularly one part where he pretends to pull up a chair, then pretends that it breaks because of his weight. In the last thirty seconds of the video, the camera cuts to static briefly and cuts back to the man sobbing quietly, still wearing mime outfit and makeup.

''(Mime): My life is a waste! I should’ve been a clown! But my grades weren't good enough for clown college!''

Some kind of obscure fetish?

dianna.avi

Four-minute video in which the camerman talks to a woman in a room different from the "interview room". This room looks like one you'd find in a normal person's house. Exactly where they are is never specified, as Dianna only talks about her violin playing. She obviously plays her violin, but she keeps getting distracted by something.

I didn't notice this until someone on the image board thread pointed it out, but if you look at the mirror in the background, you can see a fat man in a chicken mask masturbating.

''I never thought I’d ever read the words “fat man in a chicken mask masturbating” in that combination, but I have. I don’t know how to feel about it.''

jessica.avi

Another four-minute cameraman video. This time he's outside a house, talking to another young woman. They talk about canoe rides.

Any talk of canoodling?

The camera zooms out to reveal the city streets behind them occasionally. The strange thing is: No one so far has been able to identify where this street is. Guesses have ranged everywhere from Europe to Australia to the Philippines, but there's yet to be a match for the street shown in the video.

tonguetied.avi

Ten-minute video. The first five minutes consist of an elderly woman making out with a mannequin. The video cuts out like it did in jimbo.avi halfway through, and the scene is now a group of mannequins huddled together in a circle around the camera. The lights have been dimmed, and the elderly woman is nowhere to be seen.

''(Mannequin): Ok, guys, Slender Man has stolen our thunder. We need to prove to the world that other faceless things can be scary!'' From this point on, there is no sound.

stumps.avi

Five-minute-long video where a man with no legs is attempting to breakdance on a DDR mat in what looks like the kitchen from peanut.avi, but much dirtier. There's a radio playing music unseen in the background, but it stops at the four minute mark when the man collapses on the mat in exhaustion.

He breathes heavily and pleads with someone off-screen to let him rest. This off-screen person becomes terrifyingly enraged and yells at him to keep dancing, which he does.

''(Cameraman): KEEP DANCING! DANCE UNTIL YOU DIE! (Dancer): NOOOOOO! YOU MONSTER!''

You can hear this off-screen person begin to scream as the video ends abruptly.

privacy.avi

The woman from dianna.avi is masturbating on a mattress in the "interview room", while the man from stumps.avi walks around on his hands while wearing some kind of goblin mask.

''(Goblin Mask Guy): The vagina, Dianna! First, you strike at the vagina!''

The door in this room was always closed in other videos, but it's now open. In this video the only light is in the room, and the hallway is dark. Near the end of the video, you can see an animal quickly run through the hallway.

And finally, the last video we uncovered:

useless.avi

In this eighteen-minute video, a blonde woman from one of the previous interview videos is tied down to a mattress in the interview room. She attempts to scream but her mouth is taped over. After seven minutes, a man in a black suit and mask opens the door, but he does not enter.

Deleted scenes from “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

He holds the door open for the animal that was running in the hall in the previous video. It's revealed to be an adult chimpanzee, its hair shaved and its entire body painted red. It seemed to be starved and abused, with several wounds along its shoulders and back.

When the chimp enters the room, the masked man closes the door behind it. The chimpanzee sniffs the air for a moment (it may have been blind), and notices the woman tied to the mattress. It goes into a frenzy, and begins to maul her.

The assault goes on for a grueling seven minutes, until the woman finally dies. The chimp eats flesh from her corpse for four minutes as the video ends.

''Normalpornfornormalpeople.com: We eradicate abnormal sexuality, unless you’re into washing machine repair, mimes, men in chicken masks masturbating, mannequins, dancing, men in goblin masks walking around while some woman masturbates, or women being mauled to death by chimpanzees. Because that stuff isn’t abnormal at all.''

The thread exploded with activity after this video was uncovered, and people discussed it long into the night. When I came back to the image board the next day I found that the thread was deleted. I tried to start another one, and they banned me. I tried e-mailing the guy who sent me the chain letter with the site's url, sent him five messages and never got a response. I have tried to discuss this website on various places, and I got banned frequently. The site itself was also deleted about three days after useless.avi was uncovered, likely because someone contacted the authorities about it.

Then where will people who have a fetish for watching women get mauled by monkeys go?

The only proof that normalpornfornormalpeople.com ever existed was a few screencaps people took, and videos from the site that people saved and uploaded on torrents. The most popular of which being useless.avi, which found its way onto a few gore sites.

Wherever you upload them to, all of the videos from normalpornfornormalpeople.com get deleted after a while.

''Unless you go on normalpornfornormalpeople.com, which is a site that actually exists. No joke. I checked.''

END RIFF

This is a strange little story and it's rather anticlimactic. You'd think that it'd ending with something rather horrifying and disturbing. Instead, it's just a woman getting mauled by a monkey. (It's amazing how jaded I am. A woman getting mauled to death by a monkey might disturb some people. But I just think, "Eh.") I expected something...better, I guess. I should also note that very little was explained. However, it kind of works in the story's credit. It's kind of creepy because this is some random site that just appeared and has no explanation around it. That being said, I'd much rather have an answer to what it is or why it is. (I personally think that the people recorded have weird sexual preferences, and that the more graphic videos involving death or something is the site's way of "fixing" that by killing those people. Maybe it's supposed to be an example or something) Also, as I've said, this story is just weird. It's kind of hard to have a real reaction to it when one line in the story is "fat man in a chicken suit masturbating." Personally, I don't think this story is that bad. Is it overrated? A bit, I'll admit. But it's not horrible.

So, what do you guys think? Was this story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish I would be mauled to death by a monkey? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!