Talk:Amanda/@comment-25439157-20141116062045

I have a single suggestion for this story: it could do without the ending. Maybe a little lesser of the ending.

Cut out the bit from 'please she's out there' to 'kill us all', because it sounds pretentious. It could be wrapped up by simply saying that it's all your fault the creature escaped, and while I'm not very fond of that, either, because it sounds like a rushed ending, it's better than this one.