Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26112985-20160128235749/@comment-27675561-20160129182307

"The Collins’s were a very rich family." I would talke the 's off and just let it be "The Collins were a very rich family." But maybe that's just me. I'm no english major or anything lol.

" Whatever, the case, money was money. " I'd get rid of the comma after 'whatever' but that's just me. But like I can talk, i'm mister elipses in my writing... Lol ... Oh dang it, I still have that habit with my left ring finger, tapping on that period... Doh! I did it agian.

“Gloria sighed - Actually, that's it. The quotation marks don't end. There isn't the ending enclosing pair in there. If you did that with CSS the compiler would scream at you if you ran the program lol.

component { <<} <<< to everything here would scream bloody mary, had you forgotten one of these brackets. Lol

I really sank into the story after those first few. I don't think I bumped into any story telling issues... I'm still wondering though how Peter knows about the Collins couple hardly ever having sex at the beginning. Everything past the campfire story was cool. The fish only eating for a couple of minutes question though, to me, lacked a little believability on what a kid would ask.

I also hope peter borught another pair of pants, cause' that blood would have gotten all over his legs if Kevin's head was on his knee during the coup de grace. Lol

<p style="font-weight:normal;">That was reallly awesome, though. The concept and the story itself sank in without a problem. Wasn't rocky at all.