Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5952769-20171126053519/@comment-24101790-20171129050332

"She still treated him well, but they didn't have the electricity they used to." This is a relatively small issue, but since there's not too many issues in the story (which is appreciated) I thought I'd bring it up. I feel like "they didn't have the electricity they used to." feels more romantic given that it's typically used to express those relationships. ("That spark isn't there anymore.", "There's chemistry between us.", etc.) It's not a big issue, but something I just thought I'd mention.

"It's a big, old house converted to apartments, next to another big, old house converted to apartments, sitting in a weird neighborhood with confused alleys and not enough streets." I'm wondering if maybe "confusing alleys" might work better than "confused alleys".

""What happened?" I asked,." (The comma isn't really needed as you're ending the sentence.)

Other than that, the story is interesting. I would have liked a little more in the story for the punch at the end to feel a bit more effective ("Poole's been gone three weeks now, and she's worried that we'll never see him again. I'm worried that we will."). I think it's an effective closing line, but I might consider adjusting the encounter a little to make it more intimidating/threatening:

"I was in a dark place between the two buildings when an animal brushed past me, running at a terrific speed, steamy breath pouring from its face. I got a blurred impression of something that looked to be about the size and color of a timber wolf.  There was something very weird about it.  I don't know if it was how it looked, how it ran, or how it felt against my coat.  Something about it was just wrong."

That might help the story feel a little more like a horror story as right now it leans a bit towards the whimsical than the horrifying.