Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25169949-20151011080956/@comment-27008899-20151011135301

Good imagery but just a few things. In third to last paragragh you begin a sentence "in thier hand" but then go on to provide further description of the metal beings. This is a little confusing. I know it was originally a short pasta but at this point might as well add a slow transition to how they took over, or have someone actually "fuck" with the town.