Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25941663-20150918143924/@comment-25980905-20150919021539

It's always a great pleasure experiencing a story that really requires a small amount of thought and digestion, rather than having the whole thing thrown in your face. Let's begin shall we?

Overview:

I'll keep this as short as possible; I don't have much to say. The story was definetely interesting and its size makes it quickly readable and incredibly appealing. You didn't flap about with fluff and stuffing, but rather focused on the story and the story itself. You said exactly what you needed to and exactly what I believe you wanted to, and that does this story a great justice. The size of the story and the length of the sentences used also highlights the speed and time frame in which this story occured, quickly and suddenly with no pause from the action.

I also quite enjoyed the language you used for the characters' speech. From the use of colloquial language ('... don't be scared no more...') to the daughter's use of the word 'mommy', each word describes not only the rough age of the characters but also the kind of people they are, given that '... don't be scared no more...' was used to imply a less 'proper English'/'formal education' inclined household.

From a spelling and grammar perspective, the story could use a bit of work but overall it was pretty sound. The second last line has the word 'tightly' misspelled as 'tighly'. The second sentence 'Someone was on the hallway.' should probably be 'Someone was in the hallway'.

On a final note, I want to voice my interpretations of the ending of this story as I feel it may be beneficial for you to see how a reader interprets this text. My first interpretation was that the antagonist in this story was a shapeshifter and had eaten the child only moments before and therefore had the child's blood still on its teeth. My second interpretation, upon viewing the text closer, was that the antagonist of this story was more vampiric in nature. Rather than eating the child, it made her into a vampire before leaving. The blood on the 'little devil's' teeth would be explained by the fact that she may have bitten her mother when the mother hugged her. This interpretation is further aided by the fact that the original monster didn't speak, whilst the little girl did. However, in the shapeshifter interpretation, that could have also been explained by the fact that the shapeshifter hadn't heard the girl's mother's voice and therefore couldn't mimic it (as I'm assuming the mother was sleeping).

Anyway, I hope this critique helped and I'm looking forward to reading the end product and/or your response. Good luck on your writing adventure!