Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24949812-20140522004339/@comment-24821182-20140522042019

Please reconsider using ellipses. You wouldn't use them if your were writing a diary in real life, and in the last few entries you use so many it slows down the reading.

When she passes out on her keyboard, if you insist of having rows of letters, don't have so many of the same two. Why would the J's and G's be so numerous, when any other letters are so few? Why does it even change from J to G, if she's passed out?

Lastly, instead of calling the shrink a bitch and offer no explanation, make us understand why the narrator thinks she's a bitch. Of course, this should be done through subtlety, and not stated outright. It's certainly difficult for me to understand why anyone would dislike someone whose job it is to help you.