Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20140910203423/@comment-24304936-20140912145453

I felt like the build-up with the antagonist's (obvious) insanity was rushed. They seem rational and okay in one sentence, then psychotic in the next. The transition is clunky.

Also, he/she doesn't seem like the stupid type to hang around a shop all day, follow a client who just had work done at said shop, then just go and start cutting. I think they would know better of how easily the police would be able to route that out (especially since the person called the cops at the end). I think you need to think through the main character's actions more carefully. Although I'm a fan of your work (and you know I am), sometimes it feels like you skim over parts that, although seemingly menial to you, cheapens the story as a whole.

Also: "She didn't even bother covering it. She didn't fucking bother covering it. She didn't EVEN bother covering it."

There's no reason to essentially write the same sentence three times. Try just writing one sentence with enough impact to get your point across.