Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26448563-20150920094714

Hello. I'm new to the site and have just had my first story (pasted below) deleted. I'd really appreciate any feedback on it, as I'm just starting out. Thanks

Reflection Man

This is a story about a guy I knew back in High School. A guy called Brent. His segmented muscles and grainy crew cut didn't show it, but he was actually pretty nice. Captain of the football team three years running. Of course he was very popular. Some people might have thought that he ditched his lessons to go smoking out back or something, but he did well on the academic side of things too.

I'm not really that type of person. I was a short kid with an overbite and a pair of the most ridiculous wiry glasses you will ever see. Went to my lessons and got good grades. That was my life. I had a few friends like that guy Randy who worked at the gas station part time, but nobody else really gave me any attention. Just like I didn't exist.

I was walking home one day in early August, when a crimson flash of a car spun round the corner, screeching to a halt just behind me. The door clicked open and I could have gasped when I saw Brent's silhouette peering over the tinted window.

"You're from school right?" he beamed through the open door. " I don't think I ever properly introduced myself. I'm Brent Crosby!" He said this as if he was proud to be wearing that name. proud to rub it in my worthless face. Now I was a good actor. Still am. I was determined not to show how damn angry I was at the time!

I told him my name was Bill, and that people who knew me called me Billy. Of course, all of this was served with a smile; I didn't want to make my reputation any worse. I think he ate up my fake kindness and confidence, because he clambered out of that stunning car to shake my hand. As I shook his palm and felt the firm grip of his fingers, I looked into his eyes and realised just how colourful and full of life they were.

"Nice to meet you Billy!" he grinned. As he said this, I happened to look over his shoulder at the glinting wing mirror of the automobile. From where I was standing, I could see myself engraved into the glass, but I couldn't quite see Brent's reflection. At the time, I thought it might have been the funny angle we were standing at, but now I know what it really was. What it must have been.

"Guess I'll see you around Billy!" he chortled while lifting himself into the driver seat. Then that dangerous speed demon hightailed his ride off down the road, out of sight. I was left choking in a vapour of dust.

After this, Brent and I grew tighter. I still don't know exactly what he saw in me, but by God he saw it, because after that I went out with him and the guys every weekend. That year was 1995, and it was one of the best in my life. Things were certainly looking up for me.

It happened at a simple house party. His parents were away in New York; Some kind of romantic getaway I think. Anyway, Brent held this party, and he invited everybody! When I say everybody, I mean everybody! By the end people would be practically spilling out of the house in a great tidal wave of flesh.

It was set to start at 7 o'clock, and I was there on the dot, not realising that Brent didn't actually mean 7 o'clock. The building was like a deserted ghost town when I arrived. Brent greeted me with a surprised smile, and told me to come in.

Brent sat down on the sofa, leaving me to sit down on the ratty old armchair by the television.

"You know, when people say they want things to start at a particular time, they don't really mean a particular time," Brent told me. I apologised and he laughed, saying it was fine. We got to talking about deeper stuff; about my dwindling popularity and about what we're going to do in life. " Of course you're going to do great! Become a mad scientist or something like that" he chortled deeply from the back of his throat. I thought that he would do fine too, and he appreciated the support.

After we talked for a while, he hoisted himself to his feet, and babbled something about preparing for the party. After he disappeared from sight over the crest of the stairs, I began to shift nervously in the leather seat. There was something unsettling about being alone down there, and I didn't like it.

My thoughts were interrupted by an icy scream! I launched myself out of my seat, hurling myself towards the stairs. Towards Brent.

I found him crumpled in the bathroom, sobbing wet tears onto the floor. It was kind of funny to see such a big guy so humiliated and small. He was almost cradling his legs with his arms and rocking slightly.

"Oh God Billy!" he spat through the his sobs." It killed him. Stuck a knife into his back. There was so much blood on the floor!" I examined the small toilet, and though the tap was a bit grimy, nothing appeared to be out of order. Only Brent, huddled on the floor.

Then I looked at the mirror. Near the corner was a little scarlet spot of fluid. It looked like blood. Taking a piece of tissue paper, I attempted to wipe it off, but it just squeaked against the mirror. Then it hit me! The speck of blood was inside the mirror! It wasn't a reflection; it was actually inside the mirror.

Crouching on the floor, I softly questioned Brent on what happened. He took a deep wheezing breath before answering.

"It killed my reflection!" he screamed. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I asked him what he meant.

"A man dressed in black came up behind the reflection and slit its throat! The other me was so scared. He reached one of his hands to me. He wanted me to help him!" Getting one hand behind his back, and another round his stomach, I heaved him to his feet, and I stopped breathing. In the mirror, the other me was holding nothing. Brent had no reflection!

The doorbell sounded, showing that the first guests had arrived. A guy and a girl stood on the porch grinning like maniacs and grasping at each other's hands. I knew them. Holly and Zack. Two of the most obnoxious students, who couldn't get enough of each other. Holly was a brunette with long, carefully straightened hair, and Zack had put so much grease in his it was practically stood up on itself. As you can probably tell, I wasn't too fond of the new arrivals.

Brent had to sit down, so I opened the door. Zack called me a dirtbag amongst other insults, and Holly just stood there laughing at his so called "jokes". The two of them paraded in, yelling at the top of their lungs. Zack ran over to the speakers, and soon they were pumping out solid noise. Then both of them settled in, dancing round the living room like lunatics. It was at this point that Holly noticed the red stains on Brent's cheeks.

"Have you been crying, Pumpkin?" she jeered. Brent tried to tell her that he hadn't, but all he could get out was a broken cough. Being able to bear no more, Brent ran out of the room towards the ladder that led to the attic. Feeling bad, I followed, leaving Zack and Holly to smooch or something. Scampering up the rungs, I pushed open the trapdoor that led to the small loft. Brent stood there, staring at a small mirror.

"I watched myself die Billy! I watched myself be cut open like a pig or a cow. That man butchered my body." I was glad to see that in the small mirror, Brent could see his reflection. His face stared back at him, matching all of his movements.

Then i saw it. In the shadows was a face. A face plastered with a stiff smile. The eyes were obscured with black cloth, and its lower lip was trembling slightly. As soon as I saw it, my eyes were clamped shut with pure terror. A high hiss sounded from the shadows. When I opened my eyes again, I was alone in the attic. Brent was nowhere to be seen. The face was gone too. Brent's reflection stood there as it had before. The mirror Brent screamed.

" It killed my reflection," the mirrored figure gurgled, before bolting from the room.

I had so many questions to ask then. After twenty years, I still have these questions. The Mirror Man kills reflections. He toys with you before taking your life. Was Brent a reflection too? Am I a reflection? If you ever look into the mirror, and don't see your reflection, the only thing you can do is pray. The Mirror Man will be coming for you. I told the police about this, but they didn't believe a word of it. The reason I am writing this down after such a long time, is that I just looked into the mirror, and I saw an empty room inside. 