Talk:Secret Lands/@comment-29507836-20161102060124

I saw the plot twist about halfway through, but it still doesn't matter how predictable it is; I loved it. It was good; the wording was crystal clear, the description was good, and the mechanical errors were nowhere to be found. The wording is very good, even though sometimes it can be better, and it shows the sequence of events quite clearly. For example, [She wanted to be able to see him in the secret lands whenever she wanted.] shows her motive quite clearly, and yet the wording seems uncomfortable at the least. Next time, I would advise trying not to base your sentences on trying too hard to make the reader understand; just let the words flow into the page.

It is not quite original in my opinion, though. I recall reading something like this a while ago, about a few months.

I, however, dislike how Ariana didn't seem like she really wanted to discover the "secret lands" for many reasons, one being that if the solution was so clear and easy to understand, why would she even be confused as for her journey to go there? She clearly knows the ghosts/spirits that she sees quite well, and I would've thought that she would've recognized how to go there at an earlier point.