Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-40058099-20190707181503/@comment-40058099-20190707193053

DrBobSmith wrote: I don't do Western poetry, but this does not look like a poem. I'm not sure if better formatting would help. I don't see a pattern of rhyming. The closest is dreams and seams.

Each of the first three paragraphs follow the same syllable structure, the first line has 15, the second has 9, and the third has 13. The end of the first and last line of each paragraph are supposed to rhyme, and the middle lines of each paragraph are all supposed to rhyme with the middle lines of every other paragraph. The last paragraph breaks the structure. I’m trying to make it in the tone of an old fable or nursery rhyme, but I don’t know if that’s really coming through. I’m trying to figure out how to flesh it out with a few more paragraphs without breaking the current flow.