Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26893881-20150802175449/@comment-25226524-20150802182136

I'm sorry, but this still needs work. There are awkward phrases and missing words here and there, but it mostly suffers from bland writing. I think you need to do some more reading and also take the advice Creepy Thomas left you on this thread. Also, when you update your story, just edit the original post instead of making a new thread each time. I see some potential in your writing, but this one isn't there yet. Keep reading and practicing, and please look over our Writing Advice pages. Lastly, be patient; you'll get more advice on this thread (especially if you help others out and ask them to return the favor).