Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26112849-20150215182134/@comment-25148755-20150215185749

The idea behind the story is fine but that's about it.

Technical problems: Wall of text. You need to break this thing into paragraphs. Misspelled words and grammatical errors throughout. The writing style is far too choppy. The first ten or so sentences are all very short and makes the reading experience jarring; there's no flow.

Creative problems: There's nothing to make this story stand out. Kid wakes up and hears a noise. Kid realizes his parents are dead. Kid gets killed. There are roughly two million creepypastas that follow this template and yours does not deviate from it at all. There is nothing to distinguish the nameless narrator, no reason for the reader to care about him. There's no story here. The bit at the end, "1 year later" I'm not sure if this was an attempt at the much overused "police report" or what. Either way, it's totally cliched and does not add anything to the story.

Bottom line: Rework this. Develop an actual narrative that will allow a reader to distinguish this story from the many others like it. Establish a character for your narrator, one that the reader can identify and sympathize with. Give details instead of vague generalities...this story is all pasta, no sauce. Give me some chicken and alfredo dangit.