Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25685644-20141114224218

I posted my first creepy pasta earlier this day and it was then taken off not long after. I know it wasn't that good of a story but I am a novice so if you could I would like an explanation of why it was taken off and how I could improve it so I could possibly re-upload it to the site.

Here is the copy of it.

I look over my shoulder to find that my persecutors have given up the chase. Damn bullies never stood a chance of catching up, I know these better than anyone, you kind of have to in order to lose three burly dudes in sweaty tank tops. I press against the gate to the next road only to feel something pushing back. "We know you're there Jake!" I hear emanating from the other side of it. These guys are getting smart and increasingly persistent, forcing me to turn right and run blindly into the one place I have never been before.

Immediately I feel a tingling sensation come over me, like I have just received an electric shock from some faulty piece of equipment. Now looking around I construct an idea of what this building once was; a restaurant judging by the ovens and fridges. Suddenly I notice a silent clicking in the opposite corner of the room, when I turn my head to look however I am greeted with the toppling of almost a hundred pots and pans. Time to get out of here.

As I move to the front of the establishment I am plagued by the constant clicking heard earlier and several other clangs, cracks and crashes. Someone else is obviously here and wants me to know it. "Well come on! Show yourself!" I yell, but I get no answer. The noises get louder while the wind picks up and I assume it opens the exit as I hear doors screech behind me. I don't really want to stay but I feel as if something bad will happen if I turn for the door. However I hear the doors slam shut again, followed by further clicks and now footsteps! I suppose my chance was wasted. The footsteps are louder now but then they stop, whatever is behind me is breathing down my neck. "Can I show you to your seat sir?" A croaky disembodied voice asks. That is enough, my curiosity gets the better of me and I come face to face with whom I share this room with. However his figure is so horrifying, so xenomorphic, it's amazing I don't die of fright.

He stands upon four limbs, all distorted with joints perfect for twister. Skin stretched to hang off his back allowing one to perceive his alien like bones. And finally a jaw so wide that even snakes would be jealous. He wears nothing but a veil to hide his upper face and the remains off what seems to be black slacks covering part of his waistline. "What are you?" I ask backing away. He twists around me and scurries out of my vision, the last thing that remotely told me it was still in the room was his answer...

"I'm the Waiter" 