Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27707962-20160202051723/@comment-24101790-20160202054034

CreepyJon wrote: Also some of what you pointed out are style choices, switching tenses is supposed to add to the confusion around the timeline, phrases like fish outa water are colloquial and should be exempt from grammmar considerations, but more importantly, I'm looking for wider commentary on the content of the story and I hope that I can find that here, so please don't delete this as well

Actually the colloquialism for "out of water" is actually "outta water" and introducing timeline errors that early in the story is not a very good choice stylistic as someone may confuse it for an error considering the number of issues around it. Additionally given the approach the story is told (the protagonist's description of Dr. Green and observation of the environment around him), it doesn't make much sense and seems counter-intuitive. (He's observing and analyzing the environment, but he's disoriented.)