Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25074573-20140617171529/@comment-24821182-20140619150950

In the bit before the actual story, you forget to capitalize the first letters of nationalities/languages (American, English, European). You forget the apostrophes in "I'd" and "I'm".

Now on to the grammar of your story, here are a few corrections:

*on some occasions (not "in some occasions")

*Walter and I (not "Walter and me")

*for the games (not "fort he games")

*biology (shouldn't be capitalized)

*9th of May (not "9th of Mai")

You forget to add apostrophes in certain contractions, and there's a slight bit of excess spacing between certain sentences. If you are to post this as an article, you should also make headers of the parts' titles - if you even need to have a story of this size devised into parts to begin with.

As for the story itself, I felt the ending was really weak. As far as I can tell, there was no foreshadowing that indicated Walter's issues being the result of some inter-dimensional sci-fi experiment. If you're going to make this concept work, you'll have to make it more plausible to blame the experiments - and reference them earlier on in the story.