Talk:I am Vivienne Ann Lorelei/@comment-9041013-20180420155950

As a mad man in the making and an avid "fan" of studies of the mind, I enjoyed it, a lot. That's me though, and I doubt everyone on here is like me. The biggest complaint you'll probably get from the casual fan about this story is that it is too technical. (Perhaps something about the monotone, emotionless tone as well, but that fits the character perfectly, so I can't complain perosnally).

You've a random "the" somewhere in the middle, so I suggest you re-check the technical side of your story, I probably missed a couple of errors. Possibly. Maybe. Just perhaps.

Now here's my problem with Vivienne, her mental condition is very jambled. Personality Disorders usually show up in plurals, however, they tend to be of the same cluster in a single person. Meaning Vivienne should either be OCPD and AvPD or ASPD and BPD, but she somehow seems to have all four. Which is funny, because you hadn't mentioned her obviously avoidant personality, and somewhat conflated it with the ASPD. People who are ASPD sufferers do not stay away from people or dislike company, they just don't care about ethics, rules, feelings, people and the effect their actions have on others. That's why it's Antisocial and not Asocial.

It's a shame she decided to straight up murder people using force, instead of, say, experiment on them under the guise of her job, would've been somewhat more original, I guess.

It's not too bad eitherways, on the contrary, for a first outing, that's pretty good.