Talk:Uncle Dizzno's Funhouse of Fear/@comment-25052433-20140909183631

Ok kids, get your tickets and come on down to the Big Top and let's have a 3-Ring review!

-I can tell that this was an ambitious story when you wrote it, however, I found a lot of flaws within the execution. You did succeed in going after some very effective fear concepts, like clowns, the circus, funhouses...these are all things that make most of us a little nervous and some people get down right terrified.

-Things that worked really well here were your original description of the clown, and encountering him in the final room of the funhouse. That was eerie.

-My favorite scene in all of this would be when the guy escapes and finds the circus to be burning, all the people dead...that was good imagery and very creepy, well done.

-A lot of your short comings in this story fall under clichés or obvious plot devices. Such as,

Bleeding eyes. C'mon, that is a concept that is done to death on this site. Honestly, at this point it would probably be more effective to have milk coming out of a character's eyes than blood. It's just a tired concept that even spawned it's own blog.

One of the biggest plot devices I noticed you used was the end scene when the clown has the kid tied up in cotton candy. The kid just happens to remember that sugar burns, then he just happens to have a lighter. It would have been a lot better had you mentioned that he smoked or something earlier on, so that the appearance of the lighter would have felt natural instead of forced into the story just to make the scene work.

Overall, this needs a touch of work, but it could be a really strong pasta if properly refined. For future note, always space between character dialogue, I had to spend some time going through and fixing that.

Best of luck in your writing.