Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29742724-20160824150548/@comment-25226524-20160825231448

Well, damn. I decided to give this a read after I noticed your other story in the workshop (I'll be reading it as well). I personally won't delete this if you submit it, because it's too well-written and too smart. The problem is that most of the comments it will receive will involve the letters "WTF". Your style, as impressive as it is, simply isn't going to sit right with most readers.

All that being said, if you do choose to upload it and another admin decides to delete it, I won't protest their decision because I can understand the issues that will be taken with this story.

One small gripe I have is this line: "He belonged because he was inside the hive."

That metaphor hit me wrong because bees will attack anything slightly different from them if it manages to make it inside the hive. I kept bees for a few years, and I've seen as well as felt their xenophobia (my bees were mostly Russian, some Italian. Yes, I make terrible jokes sometimes). Outside of this knowledge, I actually like the sentence, so I'll likely be the only one to ever bring this up. I also think the sentence works if you view it a certain way, so my gripe may be completely unwarranted, but I thought you might want to hear about another perspective.

The only other advice I have involves dealing with criticism. You have to learn to put yourself in the shoes of the reader and always remember that they weren't in your head when you wrote it. If someone doesn't get it, it's not their fault. Now, it may not necessarily be your fault, but it's certainly not theirs. I can tell you without question that Christian's feedback should be taken seriously, whether you agree with it or not. I know it's difficult to not take it personally, but you simply can't or you'll always be in conflict.

Please continue writing.