Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24941775-20140515130626

I think I play too much World of Warcraft. I have more max level toons than I can keep up with. But, after years of playing spell casters, I decided to try a melee class. I thought a big, dumb warrior would be the way to go. The theory was that I could play something that I could just have fun with and wouldn’t really have to put much thought into.

I like to have fun with my characters and put a little flavor into them. So, I created an Orc warrior and decided I’d name him Ugthesmacker. I thought his shtick could be that he smacks everyone he sees using the /smack emote. I thought people might be offended at first, but when they looked at my name and figured it out, maybe they would be slightly amused. At the very least, it could be a conversation starter.

Once I was settled on my toon’s characteristics and entered his name, I found myself in the Orc starting zone. There I made my way through all of the starting quests, smacking both mobs and NPC’s alike. There were even a few other PC’s that I was able to smack, but they were too busy leveling their own toons to even notice.

When I reached level 15, I queued for random dungeons, as they’re the best way to get quick xp. Since I chose the damage role instead of tanking, I had plenty of time in between queues and would farm for herbs while I waited. I was on a relatively small realm, and the prices people were charging on the auction house for herbs were quite steep. Plus, herb farming gives fair xp.

I was gathering low level herbs – peacebloom, silverleaf, and the like when I found myself in a Tauren area called Bloodhoof Village. I had never really played a Tauren, as the thought of being an upright cow didn’t really appeal to me much, so I decided to explore. As I was walking through the village, I heard a voice call, “Will you help me find my dog?” Ahab Wheathoof appeared to be a low level quest giver in search of his missing dog. I walked up to him and promptly used the /smack emote, as was my new trademark.

You smack Ahab Wheathoof upside the head.

Ahab Wheathoof cries.

That was odd. NPC’s don’t normally react to emotes. Maybe it was a special character. But what really seemed odd is that there were no animations when he cried, instead only the sound of crying. Before I had time to think about it much, my queue popped.

I brushed it off, smacked my new party members, and set forth to clearing the dungeon. When we were through, I left the dungeon and was teleported back to Bloodhoof Village. I was still in front of Ahab Wheathoof. Quickly, I glanced at the clock and noticed it was after 2:00 AM. Even though it was a Friday night, I still had to wake up early the next morning so I hurriedly logged off right where I was.

As I lay in bed, I replayed the day’s events in my head. I was happy with my new toon. It was something different to do and as long as I don’t worry about trying to get him the best gear and do too much with him, I can just have fun. I really enjoyed smacking everything. I had even made a macro for it. Then my thoughts drifted to Ahab Wheathoof. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but there was just something…off. When he cried, it didn’t sound like any other NPC in the game. It was so sad, so pained.

The next day, I went about my business as usual. When it was time to log on to WoW, I once again found myself in front of Ahab Wheathoof. My first thought was disappointment because I had forgotten to log out at an inn to get rested experience. I quickly queued up for another random dungeon. Then I remembered Ahab’s cry. I wondered if he would do it again.

You smack Ahab Wheathoof upside the head.

Ahab Wheathoof cries on your shoulder.

Again there was no animation, only the eerie sound of Ahab sadly weeping. But something had changed. Now he was targeting me. He had to be since now he was crying on my shoulder instead of just crying. He was just crying last night, right? NPC’s don’t behave this way do they?

I tabbed out of wow and searched the internet for Ahab Wheathoof. I was promptly directed to a wiki about a child who had cancer. My heart sank as I read the article. It turns out that the boy helped create Ahab Wheathoof when he got to tour Blizzard. I felt awful.

About that time, I heard my dungeon queue pop. I quickly maximized WoW again and entered the dungeon. Trying to shake off the thoughts of Ahab, I rushed in and started attacking mobs. This irritated the tank a bit, but he soon taunted the creatures off of me. After a little while, I felt somewhat better. When we encountered the next pack of mobs, I realized that I hadn’t smacked anyone, so I smacked the first mob I targeted. Then everything went quiet. There were no sounds of battle, no music, no ambience, nothing.

<p class="MsoNormal">Ahab Wheathoof cries on your shoulder.

<p class="MsoNormal">Ahab’s heartrending crying broke the silence. What the Hell?!? Thoroughly shaken, I tried to finish as best I could since we were already near the last boss. As soon as I was out of the dungeon, I was once again in Bloodhoof Village. I quickly used my hearthstone to teleport back to my home inn as Ahab Wheathoof sadly stared at me in silence.

<p class="MsoNormal">Still upset over what had just happened, I logged out of the game and exited the program. I exhaled and closed my eyes as I sat back in my chair. What happened next caused me to delete Ugthesmacker forever. Directly into my ear, as if someone had their head on my shoulder, I heard the miserable cries of Ahab weeping. <ac_metadata title="Ug the Smacker"> </ac_metadata>