Talk:Occupied Chimney/@comment-26475800-20161228032242

As soon as you gave a description of what the head looked like I know what your monster was going to be, and that made me smile. I love the fact that you added this monster into your story and couldn't help but wish that you either made it known that the house was Mrs. Leeds' house, or something along those lines. It would have made this great story that much better if the Jersey Devil was coming home for the holidays.

Negatives: Your wording was a little strange. Not that it was incorrect, but it just felt out of place with the time. For example: "Free of all trepidation, the gal edged toward the chimney, ever so carefully maneuvered her head out of reach from the fireplace's burning lick," sounds a little 1930ish, but they were watching The Grinch so it has to be so much later than that. That's just the feeling I got from reading this. As for grammatical errors, I only found one really small thing. "stood, facing and looking her mother dead in the eye with the most hope-filled look she could muster." She would have to be facing her mother to be looking her in the eye.

Scoring:

Grammar: 20.

Creativity: 20.

Flow/Structure: 17. I'm going to take a couple points off for this, because the above things I've mentioned. For whatever reason, that took me just slightly out of the story.

Use of Prompt. 20. Very well done.

Overall Story: 18. I really enjoyed this story. You did a great job.

Final Score: 85