Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26097843-20150215185753/@comment-25148755-20150215193959

You've got some formatting errors here and there (the enormous letters of the headline is a big one.) Also you need to go back through and check your use of capital letters (or lack thereof.) Make sure names and first words of sentences are capitalized.

The story itself was a take I haven't seen before on a rather tried and true trope. I liked the ski resort angle. A few criticisms.

The "newspaper clipping" seems bogus. No ski resort is going to frame a newspaper article talking about one of their guests dying. Just the opposite, theyll be trying to smooth that thing over and make sure nobody ever hears about it.

A big criticism was everything that happened after the incident at the lodge. Why was the ghost vengeful towards them? They didn't have anything to do with her death and, actually tried to help. Barring that, and assuming they had inadvertantly picked up her wrath, why did she wait so long to kill them? If it had been on the anniversary of her death or something that would make more sense than just "time passes then this other thing happens".

Lastly, the ending. Finding the pink jacket as a sort of open ended finish isn't scary. Why? Because we know as readers exactly what happened. You told us; the nasty little girl ghost comes and kills the crap out of Sam and Tom. A better approach would be to take that whole part out.

Here's my advice: Have them see the girl on the lift. She's screaming, maybe hurt, but they definitely see her. Then once they get there to help her, she's gone. Figure out some reason that she would actually be pissed at them. Figure out some other way that they can find out about this little girl dying than the newspaper article. Sam and Tom go home. They're traumatized by their experience and are questioning what they did or didn't see. Then they just disappear, strange blood stains and a mysterious pink jacket the only clue as to their fate. Most of the current plot holes would be filled and you'd be giving the reader a bit more of an open ending where they know, but don't actually know, what happened to our two protagonists.

Anyway, hope this helps!