Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27012445-20151221232335/@comment-26399604-20151222192454

Ah another story involving a monologue, and a strong one indeed. As I did, What is your Pleasure, I enjoyed reading this one too. You definitively have a talent for capturing a character with an offensive and sarcastic personality. Again, the way you word the character's phrases immediately plunges the reader on how to construe the story, almost generating a voice behind it as well.

Although I understand the initial description of the symptoms of lice, I feel maybe a picture of the label would serve better, maybe even a close-up of actually lice on skin. This is my opinion of course.

Also, you note the story to be part one. In all honesty, it holds to together fine by itself, leaving the reader pondering if the proposition will be accepted. If you do decide to continue it, I'm not sure how you will be able to create the next segment. I'm not knocking the idea, but trying to understand how it will be done, especially since the story works well as a somewhat one-sided monologue. The next part feels like it might change the format (or rather perspective) of how the story is written now.

Overall, I enjoyed the story!