Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27080023-20151019223340

Hi :) So this is the second story I posted recently. The first I received feedback from one kind person and I am in the process of expanding the story with the hopes of re posting it soon for a second opinion :)

Here is something else I have been working on recently. I know that punctuation may not be my strong point but I have proof read it several times and think it meets quality standards. I love ritual/holder style stores so I thought I would write one. Any feedback would be MUCH aapreciated!

Only one who has felt the sheer, unrelenting agony of the rejection of their one true love is able to begin the search to conquer the Guardian of Unrequited Passion. It is only by completing this task that the truly broken hearted will ever again be able to feel any relief from their daily torture.



You may need to travel. In a certain city in the midlands of England, there is one particular Wine Bar- a dark unrelenting gathering ground of lost souls drinking the cruel loss of the one that they love into oblivion. You will recognise it should you choose to look for it. It’s dark, sorrowful aura will call to you, screaming its existence, the pitiful sound resounding with every beat of your battered and broken heart.



Once inside, you will be drawn to the left hand side of the bar. While all other workers are busy nodding their heads in sympathy listening to the tales of woe of the empty, stone hearted customers and pouring drinks designed to numb the pain and suffering that you can feel all around you, you will notice one female bar tender standing alone behind the huge mahogany platform seemingly unnoticed by everybody. As you approach her you notice that she appears to be lost in thought and frantically polishing the shiny wood. When you are a foot away she will cease all movement, look up at you and simply ask “what is your poison?”



You must then look her squarely in the eye and tell her that you have business with the Guardian of Unrequited Passion. Should she break eye contact and fervently continue with her task of almost manically buffing the bar you must state your case again, with authority. And again- and again until she looks back up into your eyes, sighs and whispers “very well”. Should you not have honestly felt the pain of losing your one true love, upon your first request you will suddenly find yourself standing outside upon a lonely street in your home town with no idea how you got there or what you are doing there. Should she continue to meet your gaze upon the first time you ask, you will hear the inevitable whisper of “very well” and a knowing smirk will appear around her lips, and you will suddenly feel very exposed, like she has read your deepest desires and laid bare your agony for all to see.



The bar tender will ask you to follow her. She will guide you through a door behind the bar and take you down a flight of stairs. You will pass the cellar- the kegs of Beer and many bottles of strong spirits calling your name like sirens- promising to numb the agonising feeling of despair that every morning brings when you wake up to instant thoughts of the one that broke your heart. You must resist them however as they threaten to scupper your journey before it has even begun. Should you cave in and begin to drink you will remain in that dark, dank cellar forever- eternally mourning the person that rejected you.



After what seems like a thousand stairs you discover that you have reached an empty round room containing three doorways; upon reaching this you must take ten steps forward. Do not look for the bartender, she has gone and you have no business knowing where. Instead look at your surroundings. The room is decorated like a valentine’s ball. Red roses are strewn over the floor and the walls are painted a dusky pink. A sudden movement behind you grabs your attention and you realise that the room is full of beautiful dancing couples- the lucky ones. The few individuals on this planet that managed to find their soul mate. They all look deliriously happy, you hear soft music and watch them dance and embrace. Bitterness fills your soul, and longing to be dancing with the one that you truly love consumes you. Tears fill your eyes as you remember exactly how this person broke your heart; it feels like you are reliving the torture.



However, to succeed in your quest, you must push all of these feelings aside. You have business to achieve. Gather yourself, because if you succumb to your grief in this room it will be the last place that you ever see- the happy couples will soon turn to dust and you will be forced to dance with their lifeless, decomposing corpses until your mind drives you to a dark and lonely suicide. It could take days or it could take weeks- but it will happen, and all the while the music will play on and their cadaverous faces will grin at you, safe in the knowledge that they knew the love that you could never achieve.



Pull yourself together. Stare at the three doors in front of you as one must hold the key to your desires- but which? Upon opening one door, you will find yourself upon the same empty street that never knowing the pain of unrequited love would have transported you to up in the bar. Upon opening another door, your fate would be the same as it would be should you stay in the room in which you currently stand. However, one of these three doors holds the gateway to your desire. Be careful here, this next decision is crucial to your success.



<p class="MsoNormal">You approach the first door. Place your palms upon the harrowed oak and close your eyes. Do you feel like that one person is behind there, your true love? The one that destroyed your very faith in ever being happy. The one that made you feel so small and worthless that you questioned whether or not you were even able to go on without them. Do you feel the pain? Do you remember the exact moment when your dreams were shattered? Do you remember what they said to you? Remember what they did to you? Can you feel their hands upon your body? Can you taste their lips upon yours? Do you remember the sounds of pure pleasure that they made during the ecstasy of you both becoming one? Do you see their face above you during your most intimate moments, their eyes staring into yours, making silent promises that they never had any intention of keeping? Can you feel it through the door? No? Then move to the next. Move between all three doors. When you do place your hands upon that certain door- if you truly loved (which you must have done to have gotten this far) you will feel the sheer despair and go through your horror yet again and you will know that this is the door that you must open. Be wise. Listen.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">As you run your hand lightly over the door handle, you are surprised at how easily it gives way. The door swings forward and you find yourself staring into pitch blackness. As unease engulfs you, you must push it aside. You have already been broken in the worst way possible. Nothing ahead of you could ever match the suffering that you have already experienced. Cling to that because that is what will get you through.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Again, take ten steps forward. Any more or any less will land you in one of the predicaments mentioned before. Once the steps have been taken, stand still and close your eyes. It is imperative that you keep your eyes shut. Opening them at this point will cause you to view your love being intimate with someone new and it will drive you crazy with desire and you will not be able to fulfil your quest.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Count to fifty- slowly and calmly. When you reach fifty you will hear a voice, but you must not yet open your eyes. You will hear then, the one- the person that you would truly die for. They will call out to you, but you must not look for if you do you will again witness a scene that will cause you to pine for them into nothingness knowing that they will never care.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">They will say your name over and over. They may even moan it- jarring your memory into precious intimate times. They will ask you if you miss them. Their voice will make you weak at your knees. You will feel their very presence. You will smell their scent just beyond your reach. You will hear them ask you if you remember that first time that you kissed- the first time that you lay shuddering then spent and helpless in their arms. Of course you remember as it haunts your dreams. But you must not falter. You must stand strong despite the mind numbing pain, and you must ask them one question boldly. “WHY WAS I NOT ENOUGH?”

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">You must then wait ten heartbeats. You must not count in seconds, you must put your hand to your chest to feel the not so steady thumps clatter against your rib cage. After the tenth beat you may open your eyes.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">The room is now brightly lit. In fact, you are standing in the very room that you and your lost love first met. It is empty except for a hooded figure sitting, head bowed on the floor several feet in front of you. The figure slowly stands. Each step they take towards you, you feel the presence of the person that damaged you. You feel lightheaded. You feel an immense urge to tear the hood from the face to reveal whoever is underneath. You feel crazy with longing, fevered by the urge to touch this person one more time. But you must not.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">When the figure grows too close to you for comfort they stop. Throwing back their hood you witness a travesty of what this person once was to you. It clearly is your beloved but their face is disfigured somehow. It almost looks contorted beyond recognition- but inside you know it is still them and your heart races.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">“My love” it croaks. See how I am flawed. You built me; you raised a city out of what was only ever meant to be a bungalow- I was already damaged before I met you, I was already broken. I met you at the wrong time, we could have owned the world but back then I had nothing left to give- yet you persisted”.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Do not be brought to your knees by the brutal honesty. This is a test of your strength. The scenery of your first meeting fades to black and so does the creatures injuries. You are left face to face with the very reason that your heart continues to beat and the reality of the situation is devastating. You suddenly feel hands over your temples. You buckle to your knees as the terrifying truth floods through your brain- threatening to explode with the facts that you never allowed yourself to believe. It seems to go on and on forever. You lose all sense of time. Then as suddenly as it started, it stops- leaving you reeling with the pain of what you never let yourself fathom. Oh, the strength of denial.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Regaining consciousness- you notice a table to your right. On it lays a small silver knife. Feeling as if it has plunged into your own heart you know what you must do. The creature knows too and it is powerless to stop you- all it can do is appeal to your heart, whisper sweet nothings, make you promises as empty as the person that they are pretending to be did. And it will hurt; by god it will destroy you. You will cry every tear that you ever cried over your loss tenfold. Your heart will break again just as it did before- and this time it will damn near kill you. But do not let it win. You are so close to relief.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">You must take the knife and look into the eyes of the person that you love more than life itself- the way they looked into yours as they lay on top of you, sweating and moaning lies during your most private moments. You must ignore their pleas and promises of the life that you could now spend together. Remember, it is not real. The real person is miles away and cares no more about your existence as they did before you entered this god forbidden nightmare. Look deep into their eyes. Allow yourself for one brief moment to indulge and imagine that it really is them and they really do want to grant you your deepest fantasy. They will be unable to move- they know how it must end- they never thought that anyone would ever get this far. They thought that they were safe.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Hold that silver knife over their heart. Cry out the name of the one that broke you and look deep into the eyes of the love of your life as you plunge deeply. Watch the life of your dream flicker then fade. Then withdraw your weapon as they fall lifeless to the floor. You have won regardless of your inner struggles. The silver knife in your hand has now completed its murderous destiny. It has finally freed you from your struggles. You will no longer wake each morning with your mind full of despair over the nightmares of this one person that haunted you. They will no longer be both your first and last conscious thought of each day. Your dreams will now be free of their presence. Because of the quest they never asked you but inadvertently forced you to complete- they no longer exist. Peace- finally. <ac_metadata title="The guardian of Unrequited Passion (unreviewed)"> </ac_metadata>