Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29661282-20160817020616/@comment-28266772-20160817131430

When I was 12 I used to stay at my friends [friend’s] house. His name was Tony. He got picked on alot [a lot] and I felt bad so I became [this first sentence repeated itself] his friend. It turns out he’s actually really cool. Anyways, 1 day [one] I went to Tonys [Tony’s] house to spend the night. [yeah you’ve just spent three sentences over explaining this] We played Xbox and watched tv for a while. It was getting boring and late so I asked him if he wanted to play truth or dare. He said yeah so we picked truth for the first couple turns. Then Tony picked dare. You see he lived right in front of a [double spacing here] forest. So I dared him to go into the forest alone for 30 minutes with a flashlight and a watch. He was never 1 '[one – why would you not spell this out? It’s like three letters. No one is in that much of a rush] to chicken out on anything so he took a flashlight from his closet and I [I] gave him the watch i [I] 'was wearing.

He went into the woods and after about 10 minutes I got bored and started to play on my phone. I checked facebook and played some templerun for the next 20 minutes. I noticed it had been 30 minutes and started to feel a bit worried but i [I] decided to wait a couple more minutes. Then I thought he must be lost so i [I] turned on my phones [phone’s] flashlight and started to look for him. “TONY TONY.” No response. After a couple of minutes i see [I saw] a trail of footsteps. I follow [followed] them but they stopped at the trunk of a tree. The ground was covered in a pool of….blood. I look [looked] up and what i [I] saw haunts my dreams to this day. Tony was hanging in the tree…..limbs torn off his body…..eyes gouged out of his head and a smile cut into his face.

Immediatley [Immediately] I ran as fast as I could back to his house. I could hear footsteps growing louder and louder. I looked over my shoulder and saw the tall faceless creature that killed my friend. But right before it reached me i [I] made it back to tonys [Tony’s] house. I rush [rushed] inside the house and lock [locked] the door. His parents asked me what was wrong and when I [I] told them what happened his dad shook his head and whispered, “it’s back.” [that’s actually a clever little line at the end]

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1) Mechanical issues – Spelling, grammar, formatting etc. These are all major issues that let your work down. Re-read your work. It takes like five minutes at most. Leaving errors like this tells everyone who reads your story “It wasn’t worth my time, it’s probably not worth yours”. Bear that in mind for your future efforts. Some errors are okay but this had basic shit like sentences that repeat themselves as if they’d been incorrectly copy/pasted.

2) Style – Overall your style is functional. You spend some time overexplaining the fact this kid’s at his friend’s house but that’s it really.

3) Plot – this plot is too basic to meet the quality standards ‘as is’ but it’s still an interesting micropasta. I think it’s a good effort and you show promise. I liked the ending – thought it was kind of funny.