Shower Curtains

Dr. Heinz: This Is doctor Jeremy Heinz with Mr. Samuel Grayson. I've been tasked with the mental evaluation of this patient and determine whether or not he was indeed aware of his actions. Mr. Grayson--

Samuel: Please, call me Sam.

Dr. Heinz: Sam, do you see yourself as sane.

Samuel: Can one really call oneself sane? What is sane?

Dr. Heinz: Answer the question please.

Samuel: I guess I would be considered sane. I'm only expressing myself. Although I guess by your standard of sanity, determined by society, I would indeed be insane.

Dr. Heinz: You see what you do as an art form?

Samuel: Not quite. It’s more so a way to express myself, as stated before. I’m able to gather beauty and join them in holy matrimony. They need to be together.

Dr. Heinz: Together?

Samuel: My goodness, man! Did I stutter?

Dr. Heinz: No, I’d just like to be clear.

Samuel: Of course, I apologize. It’s not your fault that the monkeys from the state government can’t see that what I’m doing is needed. Well it is for me at least.

Dr. Heinz: Do you know what this is? (Sounds of something that’s laminated being placed on the table and tapped on rapidly, assumedly by the speaker, can be heard)

Samuel: That is a picture of my bathroom, the most intimate place in the home. And it appears you have invaded it, marking it as a crime scene. I can most certainly assure you that this is in no way a crime scene. Like I’ve mentioned many times before, it was a means of self-expression that in no way should be infringed upon. Did Anne Frank get arrested for having a diary? Did Abraham Lincoln get arrested for making a brief but remarkably powerful speech? Then I should think that the same should go for me.

Dr. Heinz: You murdered fifty-seven people. That is hardly art.

Samuel: Murdered you say? They were simply sacrifices. Sacrifices for the greater good. I believe in fate, and I believe that fate gives us as humans set paths in life. I was only allowing the proper path to unfold for these people.

Dr. Heinz: Can you—can you explain, for the recording device, what it was that you—did? Samuel: Certainly. I would start off by watching my victim. What they did, where they went, what they ate, etcetera. Every aspect of their lives was analyzed in order to determine whether or not they were suited to be a part of my collage, if you will.

Dr. Heinz: Continue.

Samuel: You seem unsure of yourself, Dr. Heinz. Heinz. Isn’t that a ketchup brand? Would you taste like ketchup if I ate you? Don’t worry though, I’m not a cannibal. I’ve never been too crazy about the whole eating other people thing. Although, I suppose if I were to end up stranded somewhere where the only way I could survive was to eat another person, I might reconsider. I’m sorry doc; I seem to have wandered off topic. What were we talking about?

Dr. Heinz: You were explaining the process of your crimes.

Samuel: Ah, yes. I usually watch up to about five participants at a time. After determining that they are fit for use, I extract them from their home or workplace and bring them to my basement. I then explain to them my intentions and use anesthetics to put them under. They are then killed similarly to how a pet is put down. After keeping them fresh, by freezing and embalming, I continue with the procedure. Once they are ready, I proceed to remove their faces by carefully marking a dotted line around their facial extremities and even more carefully creating incisions with a clean scalpel. I take care to insure the protection of the faces, so that I may continue.

Dr. Heinz: Had there ever been any, slip-ups in the making?

Samuel: With any task there is bound to be mistakes, and yes I’ve made many, but they’ve only helped me grow. The hardest part was detaching the face only from the muscles and not the bone. It would have been way too messy for my liking. It was also difficult to maintain the condition of the eye lids and the nose as they are very loose. After cleaning everything I began to combine them. I suppose you know the rest?

Dr. Heinz: Yes, but for the sake of the recording, please continue.

Samuel: The next and final part was combining them into a, for lack of a better term, an ethnically diverse quilt of beauty. Although I guess if you think about it, there is no such term. It’s too unique, too….. The process of combining them had no real system as far as order but it was painstaking. I had to use a needle and thread that is commonly used by doctors to close up a flesh wound. It bothered me due to the fact that it obstructed the participants’ natural looks, but it worked out for the best as it was used throughout.

Dr. Heinz: And you made it into a shower curtain. Why?

Samuel: As I said before, the bathroom is the most intimate place in the household. What better place to free yourself from the bonds of society, and live among beauty, but the bathroom. I get to view their beauty every day and they get to view mine, whether I decided to lay in the bathtub to meditate, or while using the shower to bath myself.

Dr. Heinz: After revealing everything that you had done, I will ask again: Do you see yourself as sane?

Samuel: It’s said that insanity is trying to do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result every time. I conducted my activities knowing that eventually I would come to the same result, while also noting the possibility of failure was present. So by that definition, I am completely sane.

Dr. Heinz: Thank you for your time (A hurried scraping of a chair is heard)

Samuel: Thank you. It’s not every day I get to explain the procedure of my duty. I only, however, decided to give to you the short version. I should hope to be able to give more details and funny stories about it some time. Doctor, before you go, I want to let you know that your face would have been perfect.