Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27837645-20160221041223/@comment-24101790-20160221044844

It was deleted because it was below our quality standards. Quite a lot of issues here ranging from wording, punctuation, formatting, and story issues. Starting with the basics, there are formatting issues when you randomly indent lines.

Punctuation: There are a lot of instances where commas are missing when they should be used. "Whatever it was it was determined to make sure I didn’t sleep at all tonight.", "“No it’s not that,” I whispered.“ (")I can’t sleep!”", "Jump out of bed and shout “Hang on just a second,", etc. Hyphens missing from compound words. "the half empty glass.", "A small, mouse sized creature", etc.

Wording: Redundancy issues: "When I opened the closed door of our bedroom I turned the doorknob until I heard the satisfied click of the bedroom door opening.", "I’ve heard about stories like that, people tie up pregnant women then cut the babies out of them, all while the pregnant woman is screaming in pain and being forced to watch helplessly as the person rips the baby from its mother", " Then he opened the large window, turned his head towards me one last time, and threw himself out the seventh story window.", etc.

Awkward wording: "Waddling my way over to the sink I picked up a clean glass from the drying rack and held it under (the) tap.", "His jaw covered in a light stubble and I could clearly see the robust frame of his body", "It lowered its face to mine until it seemed its red glowing eyes hovered menacingly over mine.", "Grabbed the curtains his hands and yanked them to the ground.", etc.

Story issues: the biggest issue falls on the characters. Pam's attempts at humor really fall through. "What could he do? Jump out of bed and shout “Hang on just a second, sweety. I’ll go fetch the roofies I keep in the bathroom,” I don’t think so." and her decision to drink while pregnant because she wants to sleep needs a lot more  reasoning. "No I shouldn’t, it wouldn’t be good for the baby. But whiskey always helped me sleep, and not sleeping can’t be any worse than a teeny, eeny bit of whiskey. Only a little, this isn’t college, I won’t get totally wasted like I used to." It also feels odd that you chose that as the title since it actually doesn't have a lot of bearing on the story.

Story issues cont.: The premise feels very generic. It feels like the typical 'night terror that was possibly not a night terror' trope that we get a lot of. Combine that with the numbers punctuation, capitalization ("“That’s nice, honey,” He(he) yawned", wording, and story issues and you have something that needs quite a lot of work.