Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4832646-20140719051908/@comment-25558572-20140719212805

I can't really offer much of a critique because this is a draft. But I will say that I feel like the beginning should be shortened- cut down the amount of words until the actual story comes in.

But even for a draft, this is well-written. c: I think it will make a wonderful pasta when it's done.