User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Chat Room 666

If you want to write a Creepypasta, please use the Writer's Workshop before you publish the thing. You can get feedback, be told ways to improve it, and make your story not suck. It's actually a rather useful place, and I highly recommend you post whatever draft you plan to use of whatever publish there. If you don't, you might end up adding something like the story I'm going to Riff, "Chat Room 666", to the Wiki. You can tell just by the title that it's not going to be good. So, let's rip off "Penpal" (it'll make sense in context) and Riff this bitch.

Joey and Ericka lived next door to each other, as they got older they became best friend's.

(Narrator): When they were younger, they hated each other.

They were both Goth's, and loved writing.

I hope they were better at it than the person who wrote this story.

After Ericka had to move, a few streets away. They would keep in contacted, on a chat room called chat room 666.

''Oh, 666. How totally not cliché.''

Were they could find, urban legend's, creepy story's and other people in to the same thing. On a Saturday after 10:00pm, Joey and Ericka were still up chatting. Ericka's mum and dad were out, Ericka was nervous about being on her own. Joey tried to comfort her, by staying up chatting with her. Ericka told Joey that a man wouldn't stop messaging her, her was creeping her out. he was sending her message's, that he loved her and she knew him. she thought it was Joey at first.

''Is this story actually trying to rip off “Penpal”? I guess I shouldn’t be complaining that much. At least the story is trying to rip off something good, as opposed to something like “Jeff the Killer” or “Squidward’s Suicide.”  ''

but he assured her it wasn't.

Joey told her to repot him,

''No, don’t repot him! Granted, I have no idea what “repot” means, but it can’t be good.''

Ericka said she had but he keep's popping up. Joey said that he would be right back, as there was some one at the door for him. Ericka sat waiting scared and wondering, wondering who wanted to see Joey so late.

Shia LeBouf?

When Joey returned Ericka ask who it was, but he wouldn't tell and changing subject. When Ericka stopped responding to Joey's message's, he tried to call her but got no answer. When she eventually responded Joey asked, why she didn't respond but she just changed the subject.

Serves him right.

This wasn't like Ericka, as she told him every thing. Every time he asked what happened, she would change the subject. Joey decided to tell her, about the visitor he had that night.

(Joey): You see, Ericka, I was visited by an alien.

The person that had been messaging Ericka had given Joey a visit, threatening him to stay away from Ericka. Ericka now petrified broke down and told him what happened. she had heard something in the back garden. She went to have a look to see what it was, there was a man in the back garden with a torch walking towards the house.

She said the man was calling her name, and now she was hiding in the closet.

''Come out of the closet, Ericka. We’ll accept you just the way you are.''

Joey told her to call the cops, She told him that she could hear some one in the house. Ericka didn't respond for half an hour, Joey waited for Ericka to say something.

(Joey): Come on, say something.

(Ericka): Something.

''(Joey): Yay! You’re ok!''

so he knew she was okay, then she sent him a blank message. Joey asked if she was okay, and what had happened. the message's he got didn't seem right, now unsure of who he was talking to. questioned them about it, but Ericka' account went of line.

That last sentence made absolutely no sense.

The next day Joey went on line, and saw he had a message from Ericka. asking him to meet her, as he was getting ready.

(Narrator): Joey hurried up, because he thought he was going to get laid.

his mum called him down stair's to the living room, were there were to police officer's waiting to ask him a couple of question's. They said Ericka had gone missing, and they wanted to know if he knew anything.

''DUN DUN DUNNNN! Actually, scratch that, this is more like DUMB DUMB DUMMMMMMMMMB!''

END RIFF

Well, there is one good thing about this story: it's short. Other than that, it manages to do almost everything wrong. The spelling and grammar are atrocious, the characters aren't at all developed, and the plot is basically lifted from "Penpal." Seriously, a person gets a message from some random person in which said random person confesses their love? Yeah, that's from "Penpal." To this story's credit, it's at least ripping off something good, unlike quite a few other stories I've Riffed. Does that make it any better? No, not really, but it shows the author has some taste. I should also mention that the titular "Chat Room 666" has almost nothing to do with the story. It's actually only mentioned once. This makes me wonder why the story was called that. If the story had to do with Satan, ok, I understand, but nothing demonic or Satanic rears its clichéd head. Was it just to attract attention? Because it actually did. I saw that title, and thought, "Well, this story sounds like something I should Riff."

I should note that this story is presently pending deletion, and probably will be deleted soon, which is good, unless you're the writer of this story. If you are the writer, then chin up! The Creepypasta Land Wiki has absolutely no standards, and could use some more stories.

So, what do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Was I too harsh to the writer of the story? Do you wish that I'd be kidnapped by whoever that guy was? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

(Oh, and by the way, please, for the love of all things good and decent, post your story to the Writer's Workshop, get some feedback, make any necessary changes, the publish it. Don't just publish your story as is.)