Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5321651-20150125235547/@comment-25975226-20150126101144

I have to agree with everything Whitix has said about this pasta. It needs more. What is the red? Don't say it outright, hint things. It's good to leave the reader guessing, but not too much. Some blanks have to be filled in. Also, just a suggestion, I know after reading for a while the reader will know who is being discussed, but Bradley Smith wouldn't be the only one in the hospital ever being reported on. In the section '21/1/15 3.02pm', clarify that it's Smith who's being discussed.

Overall, it does have potential, and the changes made really do affect the story in a positive way. Keep on going the way you're going! :)