Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27628405-20160213200702/@comment-4715955-20160214021152

Has the right idea, but sorely lacking in delivery. The problem with critiquing micropasta is, if I write an example of an improvement, one sentence is basically an entire rewrite. I can do it anyway if you want me to, but I don't want to be presumtuous.

Basically the "scare" is just a generic and lackluster observation. Stories this short need to end with a revelation that carries heavy weight. That there are creatures in the lake isn't in itself a bad idea; it's the way you reveal the fact that wrecks the story. Again, with so few words to use, every one of them needs to count.