Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20141018083456/@comment-25052433-20141018154226

Wow, that is some kind of dream, huh? Excellent pasta as always, so let's break this one down and prove that not everything is "better, down where it's wetter", as Sebastian the crab would try and have us believe.

-Dream inspired stories can sometimes be the best. I have had a couple of stories throughout my life come inspired from dreams, and usually I have enjoyed writing them that much more, because they felt as though they came from some place very personal and private.

-As far as the technical aspects go, this story meets or exceeds all of the writing standards. Your use of description was excellent during both the pre-shower and shower sequence. Character development was done above and beyond, especially considering that this was a plot driven story, where deeper character development is often overlooked.

-The shower scene was done particularly well. It was gritty and grueling to read, yet written so masterfully that at times I was torn between being repulsed by the actions being described, and impressed at how well they were written.

-The settings were all perfect for this kind of story. You have her living out in the middle of no where (always a great place for the unknown and strange to happen) then you have her undress (we all feel the most fragile and vulnerable when naked) the attack happens in the shower (a place that has been made terrifying ever since a man named Norman Bates decided to cross dress and start stabbing) and finally it all comes to a head while she is alone in bed, a place that is a classic destination for fear. Well done on all settings.

-The ending. Perfectly executed on the emotional level. Her desire to see the sun and sky once more, as she is being forcefully dragged back into a life she obviously doesn't want, can really tug on the heart strings.

A few points of interest.

-Honestly, I think this one is good to go on the site as it is, however, here are a few things that I would have liked to see in the story.

-More backstory on the girl. Like a name for example. Also, I would like to know more of what she was doing. You said that she was training, and you mentioned a cage, so I assume she is doing some sort of MMA type gig. I would like to know a bit more on that.

-Towards the end, I would be curious to know a bit more about her personality. Why does she resist living in the depths? Is she a drowned corpse that somehow comes back to life, or is she some sort of mermaid like creature? How did she make it back to the surface, and why would she choose to live so close to the very body of water where she is trying to escape?

I know that this was dream inspired, and that you want to remain as organic to the dream as possible, but I would use the dream as more of a foundation, and build a bit on top of that, just to sort of fill in some of the blanks.

However, those are just my thoughts on it. As I stated above, I think this one is amazing as is, and would most certainly be an excellent addition to the main site. Thanks for writing, and sharing a bit of your nightmare with all of us.