Transgender Disorder

Yvette could feel the wind rushing through her short hair as she stood there, contemplating her next actions. Tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered what her mother said to her. How could she! She has always been supportive of me! Why did she abandon me when I needed her the most?

She tried to hold back her tears as she thought about the injustice she had faced. The word “why” kept repeating in her head over and over again. Why did her parents say she was ill? Why can’t they accept her for who she was? And most importantly: why couldn’t she be normal?

“Maybe I am ill.” She thought as she sobbed, unable to control the tears any longer. “Maybe what they said was true.” The teenager covered her face with both hands as she burst into tears, collapsing onto the ground.

Yvette could clearly remember the hateful looks thrown at her, the words shouted at her, and most importantly, the four words that shattered her life.

The words: Your father is right.

“Freak.” “Disgrace.” “Abomination.”

Her family was very religious so she should not have been so surprised of the insults thrown at her. She was a fool to believe there was a chance her parents might not hate her, might not resent her.

“You are not a girl.”

“But I am! And-“

“God does not make mistakes. You are ill.”

Her mother just stood there and let her be abused. Not a hand was laid on her but the wounds that the words caused hurt more than any physical wound.

“I am a girl! You are-”

“Your father is right.”

Her mother only said four words, but those four words were the ones that hurt her the most.

They would not have hurt so much if said in a different context. They would not have hurt if it came from a different person.

However, it was said in that context and it was from her mother, the person she had trusted the most.

Those four words seemed so innocent but they were the most devastating of all, more heartbreaking than the insults, more painful than those hateful glares shot at her. They represent the betrayal of her mother. The mother who had supported her no matter what happened, her mother who comforted her when she needed it, her mother who backstabbed her when she needed her at the most.

The teenager gripped her chest as she felt the pain there intensified. It was unlike anything she had ever felt before. She close her eyes as the hopelessness engulfed her once more.

“I don’t have anything to live for anymore. I am a disgrace, a disease, a freak. I am just another mouth to feed, a burden. The world would be better without me. I should just die.”

She opened her eyes and looked down from her location to the ground. She had always like to be high above the ground. She didn’t know why but it gave her a sense of calmness she could not get anywhere else. The roof was her favourite place. It was where she went to cool off, to let out her anger, to be at peace. It was where she was going to jump.

She took a deep breath and let it out. It was now or never.

3. Her heart was pounding.

2. There was someone shouting at her.

1.

She fell.

Her life flashed before her eyes and she saw the different stages in her life that shaped her into who she was.

''Yews stared at the dress, unable to decide whether or not he should wear it. He didn’t know what’s compelled seem to buy it. He was a boy for God’s sake. However, a part of him wanted to try it on for some strange reason. “Where’s the harm?” he finally thought “It’s not like anyone would know if I wear it.”''

''He hurriedly closed the curtains and locked the window. Wiping his suddenly clammy palms on his bedsheets, he took off his clothes and wore the garment. Looking at the mirror, a burden he never knew existed was lifted off his shoulders. Looking at the figure in the mirror, for the first time, he felt like he belonged in his clothes.''

Like she belonged in her body.

Shit.

Growing up, Yvette literally had no idea what being transgender meant. It wasn’t something that would be spoken about or acknowledged. The teenager just thought it was about crossdressing.

It was only after some research that she knew what being transgender was really about. After all, being born in a religious family, she couldn’t exactly confront her parents.

It took a day for her to understand what it means to be transgender, but it took her years to accept herself.

“Freak.”

Slash

“Ill.”

Slash

“Abomination”

Slash

''It went on until there was five red, bleeding lines on her thigh. That would do for now. she cleaned the cut before wrapping the bandages around her thigh and getting dressed. “This is the last time.” She said softly, despite knowing that the cycle would continue all over again.''

After all, it was her punishment for being such a freak.

Yvette pretended to be the perfect child. She put on a mask, a mask of masculinity and acted like a typical boy. She even got a girlfriend just to please her parents. However, during the night and in her private room, she dressed herself up, put her makeup on and matched her appearance with who she was inside, a female. She couldn’t help it, just like how she couldn’t help the cutting.

Every day, she longed to be normal. The teenager prayed to God every day and every day, she was disappointed.

Gradually, over the years, the Chinese began to accept herself. She no longer though of herself as a mistake. Her depression got better and no new scars appeared on her body.

Until that day.

She had snuck out to attend a party at night, dressed as a female. It was a masquerade party so no one would know her and she could be herself. It was a great party:  there were drinks, snacks, music blasting through the speakers and everyone was laughing and having an awesome time. By the time she went home, it was already around 3 in the morning. She arrived to find her parents awake and panicked, like real parents would when they find their child missing from bed.

However, that is when their “real parent” actions end. Her mother betrayed her and her father basically verbally abused her about how she was an abomination, a freak.

An disease.

Yvette couldn’t help feel anger making her blood boil as her eyes brimmed with tears of frustration once again. Why couldn’t they just accept her as who she was? It was not like she had wanted to be born this way! It was not her fault she was not a perfect child, unlike her sister!

Her sister… at the thought of her sister, she felt a wave of jealousy wash over her. Her sister had everything she wanted: friends, the love of their parents, and most of all, a female body.

It was so effortless and inborn for her to toss her femininity around like nothing, always wearing revealing outfits and using her gender to seduce others. She was basically a slut! However, the teenager couldn’t help but resent her as she did not have to hide who she truly was just to be accepted. It was unfair.

Anger swirled like a red tide within her, rising to choke her. “How dare she have a perfect life while I have to hide in the shadows? How dare she have all the things I have always want-“

Rage was the only emotion she felt before all became dark.

-

“-Yews Koh committed suicide on the 4thof April, at 4am-”

“-A mere week after the death of their son,  Daniel Koh and Charlene Koh, together with their daughter, Jessica Koh died in the most gruesome way possible. They were-”

“-another teenager has died today, suffering from-”

“ ‘we don’t know how the killer is able to do this, but if you have any information, please contact the police at this number-’”

“-The police have found out that the thing all the victims have in common is that they have all gone out at night three or four days before their death at around 4am. They suspect that this is how the killer chooses his victims. The public is recommended not to go out at night so as to ensure that-”

“-there have been reports of survivors of the string of gruesome suicides also dubbed as “The Transgender Disorder”. One thing all survivors have in common is that they themselves are transgender-”

“-“The Transgender Disorder” has left the public in fear. People are now afraid to even leave their houses during the day-”

“-The police are useless! They can’t even figure out how the killer makes the victims look like they killed themselves! My daughter was killed a month ago and no one has been put behind bars!-”

-

The sirens were blaring as the police car rushed to the crime scene. When it arrived, Sam quickly parked the car and stepped out. He could clearly see that there were some rookies puking. Jogging up to his colleague he said, “Is it the “Transgender Disorder” again?”

His colleague sighed before nodding. “It quite horrifying.” He warned Sam.

Sam gave sighed and replied, “When is it not.”

It was as grisly as always. This time, it was a couple. The female had cut out her breasts while the male had cut off his testicles and penis. Every single time, there were no suspects that didn’t have an alibi and in the end, they could only assume that the victim had committed suicide.

-

In Southeast Asia, there is an island called Singapore. Its citizens love ghost stories. Most of them are false. However, there is one story that is definitely true. If you walk on the streets of Singapore at 4am, you will see a blood-covered teenager. Most who see this person will experience hallucinations the next day and then feelings of self-hate the day after. Only those whose body does not match their mind are not affected. The weak-willed will die on day 3, the rest on day 4.

Cause of death: Suicide

Every single victim will have had their private parts removed. Autopsy indicates that it was self-inflicted.

-

4 in Chinese is “四” which has the same pronunciation as “死”.

“死” means death.