Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26277607-20150420021532/@comment-25763427-20150420170554

The line "No, Daniel"  should just be "No," I understand that you want us to know the main character's name, but most freinds don't adress one another via their first names. Some of the dialoge is a tad clunky, and you need to work on the pacing and transitions. You never explain why Thomas has briuses on him. We can assume it was a wild animal, but you need to mention that at least.