Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44145425-20191021183216/@comment-35711173-20191022025603

GIR2004,

I suggest you take Ned Wolfkin's review to heart. He's spot on.

Your story seemed like the diary of a rather antisocial young adult, not a thing of terror. What I see is not an original character. The abused, screwed up or outright jerk kid who starts killing for revenge with no real reason is a trope. The guy taking a Glock to his baby Mama is so ordinary it borders on realistic. In fact, the only thing that makes it unrealistic is the relatively good taste in guns. If it were a Hi-Point C-9, I would think I had met him.

If you were going for the realistic experience, the guy's drugs are going to be MUCH more a part of his life. It won't just be a few joints either. Try mixing Meth and PCP with Jack Daniels for senseless violence.

I don't feel any emotions. It's like reading a newspaper report, droll and by the facts. This guy is going to kill someone, but I don't care.

Less than two years pass between his entry in school mentioning a teacher and him saying that he dropped out of High School a few years ago. That's an easy detail to fix.