Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35501632-20180505213611/@comment-7064562-20180508061222

The grammar is horrible and I can smell the angst from my computer. No sentence structure and it seems like a list of events rather than a story.

There's no build up, at all. If you want to have a teen snap, become a murderer, etc, give actual reasons for it. No one is just randomly bullied for no reason. There is ALWAYS a reason behind it. Bullies pick on people for reasons, we need those reasons as readers.

She gets called a crybaby and her talk shit about her, so like every teen ever. There is nothing to trigger her becoming a murderer. At least in jeff the killer, he has reasons for going psyco, as horrible as that story is.

Also, for the story blood posted. That's a fuck ton of, 's. Who ever wrote that one needs to chill out.