Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-39532078-20190529130025/@comment-35711173-20190529155212

I ran your story through http://www.grammarly.com and you had 17 "free" errors. About twelve of the errors found are clearly legitimate, like the following:

I was getting ready to walk away from her until a the screen flashed and her NPC was hanging by a rope.

The "a the" was flagged as bad grammar.

Those errors need to get fixed, and you can fix them in five minutes or less.

I ran https://www.scribens.com/ on your story and it detected seven run-on sentences. Those should be broken up.

That paragraph near the bottom where the game supposedly switches to English doesn't clearly indicate what the game is saying. I suggest combining it with the previous paragraph and using quotation marks.

Your post's title requested that the story be "proofread." That's not reviewed. My review, like other people's review of the story, would be pretty unenthusiastic. The story is very ordinary. I also would not believe that it was a supernatural occurrence if it happened to me. Heck, I wouldn't even run some downloaded from deep web stuff on a computer I cared about because they are famous for highjacking and bricking your computer.

I have no idea who the protagonist is, so I don't care about him. He/she/it isn't real to me.