Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33696343-20181119134615/@comment-33696343-20181119143259

NedWolfkin wrote: Spelling and Grammar Issues: Try making your paragraphs just a little bit shorter. "The Red Man is a so-called murderer that was killed" should be "The Red Man is a so-called murderer who was killed" "His resting place was in the forest that he died in and was buried in leaves and straw when two men witnessed the attack." I would try to word that better. "what i've experienced" "I've" should be capitalized. "I was walking down the street going back home with my friend" I would reword it something like "I was walking home with my friend". "Then, we said goodbye" the comma is unnecessary.

Spelling and Grammar Issues Continued: A deep voice told me: DEATH APPROACHES YOU. When you are quoting something, be it dialogue, a voice, a sign, text, or anything else, put it in quotation marks.

Plot Issues: "The Red Man is a so-called murderer that was killed by vicious coyotes and was skinned alive." how can he be skinned alive if coyotes already killed him? "His resting place was in the forest that he died in and was buried in leaves and straw when two men witnessed the attack." And why didn't they stop the attack or at least get the police? It kind of seems pointless for the narrator to tells us his name when it doesn't serve any purpose, nor is he called by name at any point in the story. "I ran away, and guess who it was? That's right. The Red Man." that kind of breaks any seriousness.

Plot Issues Continued: So the main character doesn't know who the Red Man is, yet knows his name well enough to research him. How did he do research on him? Internet was in its infancy in 1994, and I doubt anyone would have written a book about him. The rest of the story feels like Barbie.AVI: main character explores a house, the new furniture in an old house, exploring the bathroom and finding something unusual in the bathtub, hearing a sound (though your character didn't jump out the window over it). And how did he know where the Red Man lived? "I saw the Red Man as a hallucination on the street, and ran as fast as I could to avoid him." what was he doing on the street? Why didn't he go after you?

Plot Issues Continued: "The best thing to do to avoid the man is to ignore him, to make him think you're not interested. DO NOT run away. If you run away, that's a very easy way to get killed or possesed by him, unless you're very lucky like I was. Don't provoke him, or you will die." This makes the villain sound non threatening. And you said you ran away from him earlier, and then you tell us not to run away from him. Try to be more consistant.

Not only is the last half of this story similar to Barbie.avi, but The Red Man himself is kind of reminiscent of Slender Man: a forest being of importance, he stalks his victims, he brings on hallucinations, etc. Thanks bro. I was trying not to go on trying to basically recreate a pasta, but thanks.