Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26174114-20151031043100/@comment-26425680-20151031060134

When I review, I normally don't focus so much on the technical side of things, so I'm not going to spend too much time pointing out all of your grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. If I took the time to do that, I'd be here all night. So here's just a limited sampling:

"...the light shined on what I gazed on,..." (awkward phrasing)

"Before I peaked the room as I was going to exit the cabinet his steps stomped up the stairs still looking for me." (I'm not sure what you're trying to say there.)

"The first video was seemed to be taken outside..." (say that aloud and you'll hear that "was" doesn't belong there.)

"He looked like he's in twenties,..." (tense change from past to present and an omitted word)

"The steps came closer to me and they sound like wet boots..." (tense change from past to present)

Also, remember to start a new paragraph when new person is talking, otherwise you end up with a big wall of text, and it's difficult to figure out who's saying what.

As far as your premise is concerned, it's serviceable, but not exactly all that original. The biggest problem with this story, as I see it, is that your plot requires your characters to make dumb choices in order for it to more forward. Why would Abby stop to look at the pictures stored in the camera when freedom is just a few steps away? Why would your antagonist run back to the kitchen to retrieve steak knives to throw at Abby? Just running after her and grabbing her would make so much more sense (btw, knives that aren't designed to be thrown probably aren't going to do much damage, and definitely not enough to stop someone from running away). Another big blunder that you make is having the friend drive by at just the right moment, and then having her explain everything down to the smallest detail. That's the hallmark of a writer who didn't know how to end his/her story.