Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4079896-20150121011047/@comment-24101790-20150121011445

Wording errors: "thee street", "he was saying but it’s (sic) wasn’t audible...", "but as she was bout (about, bout is a minor fight) to let go to choke herself.", "The president then said another thing that wasn’t audible. I saw that everyone’s eyes are completely bloodshot and then they started cheating (???) the same thing he was saying..." Punctuation errors: Commas missing from sentences where a pause is needed. Apostrophes missing from words indicating possession. neighbor(')s house

Cliches: Blood writing "said in dark red blood, “We can’t do it. Death is the drug that will heal us.”", hyper-realism "Her crying sounded so realistic that it didn’t sound like fake laughter." (Also, what?), " image of a hyper-realistic-looking 13 year old girl with her hair mangled on the concrete was her eyes as black holes..." Bleeding from the eyes. "Anna then started bleeding from her eyes and then she looked directly at us...". Sudden real-life gore cut in. "Then it shows all of the animals with their intestines ripped out and their heads decapped from their bodies before it cuts to a picture of Blythe’s dad standing next to a tombstone crying with my name on it for some reason.". Vowing to never watch a show again. " I am vowing to never watch LPS..."

Story issues: Why are they still watching the episode? The protagonist vomits midway through and the president breaks down into tears. Why would someone continue to watch something if it had that much of a negative impact on them? You really use a lot of cliches as a crutch here and the grammatical errors don't help with the quality much, (Both of your stories are even "Marked for Review" on Spinpasta, indicating that there are issues with the story.) which is why I'm turning down this appeal. Your story brings nothing new to the table and recycles the same old tropes that resulted in a lot of "Lost Episode" pastas being deleted.