Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26416562-20150721170029/@comment-26054278-20150721173805

I would recommend fixing the simple mistakes on the computer, such as the title, for example (paralysis, not "paralisys").

The story itself isn't developed enough. The big twist at the end just has little to no impact because the characters feel very rushed.

I suggest expanding on the character and expanding the story in general.