User:FranklinMichaelPhillips

Joe was your average heavy metal fan. He absolutely hated any genre of music that didn't involve screaming, excessive profanity, or violence. His most hated genre of music was, however: Funk.

One day joe went to the record store to buy some classic Guns N' Roses albums. Joe was looking around in the rock section of the store, aimlessly looking for the albums. He didn't find any. But he did find something very interesting.

It was a purple vinyl record cover with an image of 5 guys, each with big poofy Afros. The record, oddly enough was in perfect condition, like it had never made human or any contact, for that matter. The cover read: The Unstoppables: Funk you up- Copyright 1977. The man, even though he'd rather slice both of his own ears off then listen to Funk music. But he was attracted to it, as if the record was a magnet and Joe was made of Iron. Joe took it to the record shop owner, which looked suspiciously like one of the men featured on the record cover. "Umm, excuse me sir, but how much is this record?" Joe asked. "Baby, there is no price on this record, the Unstoppables were the best, and they will always be the best! That will be 100 dollars please" The Black man asked in a snakelike, seductive tone. "Shit, 100 dollars?" But he gave the man, who looked like he went into a coma in 1977 and woke up in 2015, the money.

Joe finally went to his house in his old Thunderbird and put the record in his record player. Generic 70's Funk music began playing and the lead vocalist, a man with an almost angelic voice, began singing. Joe than took the record out, flipped it on its B-side, and began playing. Joe was shocked at the sound of the music. A high, eerie, screeching series of beeps began playing. "Ooh, my fucking ears!" Suddenly, Joe's vision began to deteriorate. It deteriorated to the point that all he could see was vague shapes and colors. He began hearing an angelic voice laugh menacingly, and he saw a figure, crystal-clear, in his vision. It was a man with a large afro, bigger than his head, with Stevie Wonder-esque sunglasses. "What's the matter baby? That's just the sound of the funk reaching your ears, can't stop the funk baby" Joe had no ears however, or no eyes. He was tiring into a limbless, giant potato. The last thing he "heard" was "Flashlight"