Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25947144-20150104201658/@comment-25148755-20150105172125

Agree with everything Dinkleberg said so I'll avoid repeating what he advised and add a few things of my own.

1.) Some of the words you chose are just...odd.  The one that stuck out the most to me was your repeated use of "aggregate."  That's an uncommon usage and really sort of interrupts with the flow.

2.) Aside from the story just not being interesting (I'll say the idea has potential but the execution is lacking) it's just not scary.  Like, at all.  I mean, sure the coming apocalypse is scary in and of itself but you treat it just so matter of fact here that I didn't even feel the ghost of a shiver down my spine.

3.) I will reiterate: there are a huge number of spelling and grammatical errors throughout.  Enough that I'm not going to take the time to go through them all.  Run this thing through a spellcheck first to eliminate the most glaring errors and then it will be a bit more manageable.