Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20180409042922/@comment-24101790-20180422152814

While I appreciate the Poe-esque quality of the poem, there are a few issues here. I'd like to bring up the rhyme scheme as there are a few slant and awkward rhymes here. Mainly: "O, this tomb that is a great warm— / These thralls, for thy heart to pity and concern", "Their taut sinews to be strung like a rancid lute / Alas, thy repasts are this dusty old soot!" (feels a bit forced), and "Winds blow as if ‘twere atop a lone eyrie / The cold whispers of a ghoul so fiery". In longer poems, one or two slant or slightly forced rhymes doesn't draw much attention, having three in a six couplet poem does come across as noticeable.

"For ‘tis the bellowing of the Great Barren Halls" I'm not sure if you meant 'bellowing from the Great Barren Halls' or that the place itself was making the noise.

I think the biggest issue here is the unfinished quality of the poem. It sets up the Wyrm, but doesn't do much beyond it and t it feels like the ending: "Nobody came without a Sirens bade / The cold whispers of a ghoul so fiery" was a stopping point and not an actual conclusion. I think there needs to be more here than three stanzas to properly build up the entity you've referenced and to give a bit more of a set ending. I understand you're drawing inspiration from The Conquerer Worm by Edgar Allan Poe, but I think more can be done with this premise.