Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20160126073921/@comment-4849011-20160127003247

Hey, I made it!


 * A small beam of light shone down on him from where he had fallen before rocks crashed down and landed next to him; sealing the hole.- A small beam of light shone down on him from where he had fallen before rocks crashed down and landed next to him, sealing the hole.
 * “That was one hell of an accident, huh?” The mystery man spoke, while looking up at where Luthor had fallen through.- “That was one hell of an accident, huh?” the mystery man spoke, while looking up at where Luthor had fallen through.
 * “Look, Ned, I'm not going anywhere. That.. I just don't think that was an explosion.”- “Look, Ned, I'm not going anywhere. That... I just don't think that was an explosion.”
 * “Then, I'll be back. I'm not afraid of no explosions!” Ned exclaimed; puffing out his chest and hitting it with a balled-up fist before departing into the darkness.- “Then, I'll be back. I'm not afraid of no explosions!” Ned exclaimed, puffing out his chest and hitting it with a balled-up fist before departing into the darkness.
 * A boulder. Yes, a boulder. That's what it was; what fell on Ned and killed him. That or another explosion, he thought to himself as he stood up and faced the dark entryway, half an hour after sitting.- A boulder. Yes, a boulder. That's what it was, what fell on Ned and killed him. That or another explosion, he thought to himself as he stood up and faced the dark entryway, half an hour after sitting.
 * A trail of red goo leaked out from around the corner; Ned's blood.... Just a horizontal white line and a door; a large, solid, golden door.- A trail of red goo leaked out from around the corner- Ned's blood.... Just a horizontal white line and a door- a large, solid, golden door.
 * His every fiber screamed in fear; would have disassembled from his body to run if they could.- His every fiber screamed in fear; they would have disassembled from his body to run if they could.
 * It spoke in the deepest of voices, yet an elegance was to be had in its tone, “You reek of urine. Dare you try to cross the line as well?”- It spoke in the deepest of voices, yet an elegance was to be had in its tone. “You reek of urine. Dare you try to cross the line as well?”
 * The dark void of the Minotaur's eyes stared into Luthor's sockets and beyond; his soul.- The dark void of the Minotaur's eyes stared into Luthor's sockets and beyond, to his soul.
 * “I said: Oh my God, thank you and Jesus for seeing me through.”- “I said: Oh my God, thank You and Jesus for seeing me through.”
 * “Who they hell are you? What are you playing at?!” He shouted as he backed away from the approaching man.- “Who the hell are you? What are you playing at?!” He shouted as he backed away from the approaching man.
 * The Devil frowned. “No, not Satan. Ah-ba-don. Abaddon.” he replied with more than a hint of sarcasm as he stressed each syllable.- The Devil frowned. “No, not Satan. Ah-ba-don. Abaddon,” he replied with more than a hint of sarcasm as he stressed each syllable.
 * Luthor gulped and shook his had vigorously as he used his arms and legs to continue moving himself backwards while still on the ground.- Luthor gulped and shook his head vigorously as he used his arms and legs to continue moving himself backwards while still on the ground.
 * The words bounced around inside of Luthor's skull in that they were there, but unreachable; ungraspable.- The words bounced around inside of Luthor's skull in that they were there, but unreachable, ungraspable.
 * Abaddon smirked revealing his sharp and filed teeth as he reached down and pulled up Luthor's left arm to the man's eye level and removed the glove; bone. Luthor gazed at his skinless and muscleless left hand in silence. Deciding that it wasn't quite the effect that he had wanted, Abaddon materialized a mirror out of thin air and held it up to Luthor's face which was identical to his left hand; just a skull.- Abaddon smirked revealing his sharp and filed teeth as he reached down and pulled up Luthor's left arm to the man's eye level and removed the glove- bone. Luthor gazed at his skinless and muscleless left hand in silence. Deciding that it wasn't quite the effect that he had wanted, Abaddon materialized a mirror out of thin air and held it up to Luthor's face which was identical to his left hand- just a skull.
 * “This can't be, it is all a dream. It has to be. I've said some hurtful things, sure, but I've never harmed anybody in my life.”- “This can't be; it is all a dream. It has to be. I've said some hurtful things, sure, but I've never harmed anybody in my life.”

This was a good horror story. At first I thought Ned was another victim, but the twist makes perfect sense. I also liked you calling him "Not Ned" before the reveal. I liked the irony and the fact that the title had a double meaning. You also had a great Hell scene, like something from a Hieronymus Bosch painting. On a related note, have you ever heard this song? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_%28song%29 I once heard a DJ for an oldies station claim that not a week went by with someone requesting that song. Yikes.