Talk:He's a Lucky Man/@comment-31740189-20180411193348

Concept's good, but there were a few aspects of dialogue and grammar that made me curl up a bit in my chair. For one, there's several spelling/grammatical mistakes that are a bit unpleasant to read out, my personal favorite being "Charlotte unespextedly bolted for the window..." There's a few other pretty awkward lines of dialogue that don't have any grammatical errors but just feel weird and stilted.

Besides weird dialogue and grammatical errors, there are also some formatting things that are pretty "yeah, not good." A real winner that I see a lot  -- that also happens to be in this pasta -- is all-caps for emphasis. That's a big no-no, italics do exist and you can use them for emphasis. Seeing entire phrases spelled out in capitals makes me wince because it's pretty commonly paired with some of the poster childs for writing fuck-ups, e.g. "Voicebox".

Also, you could stand to break a few large chunks of text up. There's a few different drawn-out blobs of WORD that are a tad visually upsetting, but this isn't a hugely massive problem, I don't think.

Summary; it's okay, I guess. the concept makes for a pretty satisfying "Oh, shit." ending but the execution is pretty wonky. That's not to stop it from being a great story with some rewriting and retooling, though - it definitely has the potential.

'S like a 5.5/10 for me.