Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29831837-20170719041923/@comment-32461413-20170719122027

A man stapling his neck until he dies has to be one of the most gruesome details I've ever read. LOL. This is an interesting story, I have a few concerns however.

I could tell this story was probably inspired by 1999 If it isn't, it is eerily similar to it. Almost identical in many ways actually. I think the problem is that this story pretty much does the same thing 1999 does without really adding anything new.

My biggest issue though is that this story pretty much counts as a "lost episode" (as 1999 is one). Lost episodes are a blacklisted subject due the quantity and little variation the genre tends to take. You can read more about blacklisted subjects here. The good news however is that the Spinpasta Wikiexists just for stories like this (they even have their own Writer's workshop as well). I would suggest checking that out.

Getting into the story itself. You ask specifcally if going more in depth about the channel would be beneficial. I personally think that you provide enough information. I think any more would just drag the story on without really progressing it. There are other parts I think you could explain more however, but for the channel itself, it's great.

I feel the reason why the protagonist has a television feels forced. Why would his father buy a box and realize that he wouldn't use it? If he just bought it for his son or even received it as a gift, that would make more sense. Just going out to buy something knowing that you won't use it so you pass it off onto someone else seems a bit odd.

I would be careful with cliches. The whole crying thing tends to be overused in pastas like this where it is an extended period of time of just someone sobbing.

I think "anyways" as a transition is uneccesary. I just find it to be in bad taste as well as drawing too much attention to itself.

I would be careful with the word "very" as it is a weak word. Because of the frequent use of it, it has lost its value.

I think you should have an explanation of why the channel was not taken off the air sooner. My guess, since it had to be unlocked, it was a channel that anyone could tune into. How could a channel doing what it does get away for so long with illegal activities? In 1999 it is explained by the person running the channel using his own transmitter on a local frequency. While still a little far fetched, it at least makes more sense than a cable company showing what Hehe TV does.

Overall, I think the concept is eerie. I would think to vary up the story a bit to make it less like 1999 and more unique as well as check out the Spinpasta Wiki (it's by the same people who made this wiki).