Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26277607-20150405022630/@comment-26277607-20150405195204

@Whitix Thanks for the advice. I'll try to fix some of those flaws or at least make them more clear, since you misinterpretted a few of them. I'm not going to give up the story. I worked too hard on it and I don't care if I have to change around the plot a lot. For a few of the things you mentioned, I'll try to clarify better. I don't think it would be too abnormal for a bus to drive through a bad neighborhood. When I was in 8th grade, my class went on a field trip to a baseball game. The stadium was in a terrible area, but they wouldn't cancel it just because of that. I agree with you that teenagers aren't stupid and they sometimes don't like to listen to their parents. However, they're usually to afraid to speak up if something fishy is going on. They'll usually just go with the flow. Fifteen also might be too old, maybe twelve or thirteen would seem better. I can tell I didn't make the ending clear enough. The whole thing wasn't a dream. If you've ever heard of the story "An Occurence at Owl Creek Bridge," it was supposed to be kind of similar to that. The protagonist never ran away, it was kind of like after he pushed the switch, instead of his flashing before him, he kind of had a vision of what would've happened if he did run away. Overall, I think your main point was that the story is hard to believe. I get that and that's usually been my biggest challenge as a writer. I've written stories in the past with that same issue and have been able to improve on them without scrapping the project. Thanks again and I hope the story goes better this time.