Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38492903-20190522125748/@comment-35711173-20190525055958

It's better.

Personally, I think that the six uses of the F bomb makes all impact of them get lost by about the third. There are other curse words you can use.

You're probably sick of people suggesting that you to moderate the F bomb usage, so I will say something else.

http://www.grammarly.com - please try it. I ran the latest draft of your story through it and it came up with 57 errors in the "free" errors. Most of them are in capitalization, especially not capitalizing the first person pronoun "I" in the middle of sentences. It also finds numerous spelling errors.

https://www.scribens.com/ - please try it. It flags six run-on sentences. You should break them up into smaller sentences. Beware one thing in scribens - NEVER paste back from it into your story. It can eat words when it finds certain type of other errors in your sentences.

You need to clean up your English use or the story will get deleted for poor use of the English language.