Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25891880-20150412232626/@comment-25891880-20150413210321

MrDupin wrote: "Despite that, I am not an only child either" this sentence doesn't make much sense. How does the fact that he doesn't have any friends have anything to do with him being an only child?

"... outside a lot; We would ..." instead of a semicolon, put a full stop (a period).

"weren’t very modern" change 'modern' to 'good'. At the time it was modern.

"I asked him about why he always" remove the 'about'.

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I'm afraid to say this wasn't that interesting. There was no character development and almost nothing happened. It was a pretty bland story, to be honest, with no creepy or suspense building moments. The only moment that stood out was the last line, but with no context it was more confusing than creepy.

It was decently written though and your grammar was pretty much perfect. Your structuring skills were also more than decent, so you got that going for you.

As it seems you have the technical knowledge to write a story, I suggest you come up with another idea altogether and you'll be good to go. Thanks for the advice, I'll rewrite it :D