Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10789912-20151008060113/@comment-26475800-20151021181648

Like Banning said, this was great to build the Characters. It give the reader a feel of who is who and also has a little bit of creepiness to it, which keeps the reader involved in the horror aspect of it. There were some small grammar errors, such as double words and using is when in was meant, but besides that it was fine grammatically.

The only thing I would suggest to change, and this may not be that big of a deal, it to cut down on the filler a little bit. For example, you walked us through the entire process you Michael brushing his teeth. It maybe easier for the reader to get behind, not to mention move the story along smoother, if you mentioned that he brushed his teeth, as apposed to, he put the toothpaste on the brush then started to scrub his teeth clean. That is not a direct quote, but it is close to that one section.

Overall, this story is starting to get interesting and I look forward to seeing how things unfold. I'm sure this will be a great story when it is finished.