User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Harley Quinn Creepypasta

I tried looking up Batman Creepypasta stories, since I feel that there's a ton of crap to Riff there. I ended up stumbling upon a DeviantArt story called "Harley Quinn Creepypasta." I was too jaded to think, "Jackpot!" considering that the last few times I did, I ended up pissed off and suicidal. But, I will say one thing here: even if the story was complete garbage, while I Riffed it, I could have a nice mental image in my head. Such as the picture on this page.

Now, for those who don't know, Harley Quinn is Batman villain who originally appeared in the 1990s Batman Animated Series as a sidekick of sorts for the Joker. She was originally Dr. Harleen Quinzel, the Joker's therapist. The Clown Prince of Crime was able to woo her, and she helped him escape and became the lovely and batshit insane Harley Quinn. There's that bit of backstory. Now, let's get our bats and Brooklyn accents out, because it's time to Riff this bitch.

It was a dark and stormy night Can you get any more cliché? as Batgirl crept through the dark, abandoned hallways of Arkham Asylum.

Robin had been kidnapped by Harley Quinn and The Joker and she was there to rescue him. ''Damn it, Robin. Stop getting kidnapped.''

The lightning flashed as a shadowy figure of a jester could be seen running past the doorway, the sound of bells jingling could be heard as well. ''Christmas at Arkham! Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg! The Batmobile lost one wheel and Joker got away!''

Batgirl turned sharply, narrowing her eyes as she approached the doorway where she could have sworn she saw the jester run by and looked from side to side.

The hallways were empty. It was then, she was startled by the loud sound of static coming from her communicator. Slender Man, stop screwing with Batgirl.

"Barb'! Come in Barb'! Do you read?!" Bruce Wayne's voice asked worriedly.

"Yes Batman, I read you loud and clear." She answered him.

"any report on Robin yet?" Bruce asked.

"Not yet, I'll report back to you when I have a little more information." Batgirl replied as the same shadowy jester figure was sneaking up behind her with a mallet. Batgirl quickly spun around and punched it. ''NOT HARLEY! YOU MONSTER! WHHHHHY?''

The figure fell to the floor as Batgirl got a closer look at it, seeing it was only a mannequin wearing Harley Quinn's old costume. Oh, good.

"And Barb....be careful...." Were Batman's final words before hanging up.

"What the...." Batgirl knelt down to get a better look at the mannequin when she heard a soft yet eerie voice singing, "Hush little baby, don't say a word, momma's gonna kill for you the whole damn world...." –sighs- So beautiful…She quickly ran to the room it was coming from, finding a crib with a Joker puppet in it and another mannequin wearing Harley Quinn's nurse costume. Why couldn’t Harley have worn that? She took a few steps closer, when she heard the voice again, coming from the top of the staircase she never noticed before.

"ya have you're daddy's eyes...." The voice said. "THEY WERE ALWAYS TOO DAMN CLOSE TOGEHER!" The haunting after effects of incest. It shrieked as the sickening sound of a blade piercing through skin could be heard, followed by a chilling silence.

All Batgirl could do was stare up at where the voice came from, unable to move or speak until she saw a small, round object bounce down the stairs and roll to her feet.

The lightning flashed, revealing it was a bloody eyeball. ''Eye think that could be a problem. Sorry, had to.''

Batgirl gasped, when she heard footsteps approaching the top of the stairs. She looked up with a look of pure shock and terror as she saw Robin walking on his knees to the top of the staircase. ''So Robin’s on his knees, and Harley Quinn is around? Why does this feel like a naughty fan fiction?'' He stopped and looked down at her, not uttering a sound.

"Robin?!" Batgirl called out worriedly. "Robin! Can you hear me?!" She panicked when there was no response.

It was then Robin fell down the stairs, landing at her feet. He was obviously dead. ''Maybe he’s like the victims from the “Sonic.exe” sequel. He’s not dead, just a vegetable. (And yes, I’ll eventually finish a Riff for that. It’s just that that story is very long, and I’m out of alcohol.)'' He had been badly beaten, one of his eyes had been stabbed out and he was wearing nothing but a diaper and smeared clown make up. Kinky.

"ROBIN!" Batgirl cried when her face was suddenly bashed in with a candy cane colored baseball bat. She groaned, cupping a hand over her bleeding nose as she stood up, looking at her attacker weakly.

Non other than Harley Quinn was standing there, wearing her Arkham City costume as she grinned evilly at Batgirl, gripping her baseball bat tightly. ''Down, boy. Sorry, my…captain’s log decided to pipe up after I imagined that image.''

"Hello brat-girl...." Harley Quinn smirked as she raised her bat.

"Quinn!" Batgirl spat but before she could fight back, Harley slammed her bat against Batgirl's kneecap with enough force to break it an dent the bat a little bit. ''Dent? Was that a Two-Face joke?''

Batgirl cried out in pain, falling to the ground. She tried to sit up but Harley smacked her across the face with her bat fronthandedly then backhandedly Hey, want to play Fronthand Backhand? before knocking her unconscious with one final blow to the head. Usually in fan fictions, when “blow” and “Harley Quinn” are used near each other, it means something completely different.

When Batgirl awoke, she was sitting in the rickety, unstable crib with her bleeding, broken leg and the Joker puppet. She looked up seeing Harley step into the room with a deranged look in her eyes as they were practically rolled to the back of her head. ''Wait, if Harley’s eyes were rolling into the back of her head, then how could Batgirl see a crazy look in them? I call shenanigans.''

Batgirl wouldn't admit it but she was actually quite terrified. She had to reason with Harley. She had to try at least, her life depended on it. Yes, that’s it, reason with the woman who is madly in love with the Joker.

"Harley, listen to me, if you don't stop this now, you're gonna be in a world of pain!" Batgirl threatened but Harley didn't seem fazed.

"I'm already in a world of pain...." Harley hissed pointing a pistol at Batgirl. Oh, don’t make Harley emo.

"Harley! No! Don't do this!" She begged. She sighed in relief when Harley lowered her gun, but then she gasped again when Harley snatched off her mask. She fell to the back of the crib as it finally gave wave and collapsed under her, sending her back-first into the concrete floor.

"Well, well, well, well welly, welly well if it ain't Commissioner Gordon's daughter...." Harley smirked. So Harley Quinn unmaksed Batgirl, and they’re both alone in Arkham Asylum…is this going to be naughty?

Barbara Gordon gave up, even if she did escape she knew this psychopath would find her again now that she knew her identity. She just gave up allowing Harley to stick the barrel of the gun into her mouth. ''Bull. Shit. Harley Quinn is nuts, I’m pretty sure no one would believe her. And even if they did, I’m sure there’s some way that could be undone. They did for Spider-Man.''

"Well, it's certainly gonna be a 'Dark Knight' for you tonight...." Harley joked before pulling the trigger. ''Boo! That wasn’t funny!''

With a loud bang, Barbara Gorgon's blood and brains splattered against the wall as she fell to the floor lifeless. ''Well, there went any thoughts of this story being naughty. Unless they want to get into necrophilia, which I hope they don’t.''

Harley Quinn began to snicker evilly which led up to a creepy, Joker-like laugh that could be heard throughout the city. “Honey, what’s the sound?” “Oh, it’s just a Joker laugh, nothing new.”

This story was not very good. There were issues with capitalization, and Harley's motives aren't very well explained. Sure, one could think that this is Harley from the Arkham games, who wants revenge after the death of the Joker, but it's not made very clear. However, it's not the worse thing I've read though. At least it was quick and had -sigh- Harley Quinn. Still not very good though.

So, what do you think? Was this story good? Bad? Was the Riff any good? Do you wish I would be murdered by the girlfriend of a psychotic serial killer with a smile? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.