Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26437574-20150926010817/@comment-27024986-20150930202829

As XXLadyAgonyXx the story has the potential.

I am a new writer too so I understand how hard it is.

Only 3 things: Put more focus (Another user recommended to me this too)

Put commas and points because it makes people lose their interest. (I wont speak about grammar since I suck at it and yours is clearly better)

Dont give up. With time, interest, a good proof reader and sweat you can do a good story.

Good luck.