Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20150430062138/@comment-26326346-20150430161328

I implemented the changes that you recommended for the grammar.

I'm not disappointed, I came in here knowing the story would need quite a bit of work. I just wanted to get a feel for what exactly should be changed or added :)

I'm terrified of snakes and I think my mind defaulted to getting so swept up in it while writing that I assumed everyone would find a snake in a laptop creepy. I'll try to do something to fix that. I'm unsure how to expand on the snake species remaining unidentified; I was actually looking for small, venomous, black snake species on google, but came up with nothing. Any suggestions here?

Alright, I'll creepify the seller. By the way, do you think the story would be better if I changed how it was told? As it stands now it is something that happened to the storyteller five years ago, would it be better not knowing he was alive until the end? I'm considering changing the whole way it is written, but keeping the concept.

Thank you for the feedback and suggestions! I appreciate it.