Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180822020522/@comment-33488654-20180824040437

Jdeschene wrote: I'm so sorry, Steven, but this is really bad. It needs improvement in nearly every possible way.

First of all, it doesn't feel like there's any point to the story. A demon-possessed dog corpse is preying on people. Okay. So what? What is it all for? Where is it all going? What's the point of it all? Without a point, it just feels like a waste of time and energy.

Next, it feels more like a documentary in places than a story. There's too much telling and not enough showing. Don't tell us what happens to people or to Cooper. Pick a perspective and use the five senses to paint a vivid scene. Make us experience what's happening. This will eliminate your need for exclamation points and italics which, honestly, a good story shouldn't need.

Finally, please don't write each individual sentence on its own line. Use full paragraphs that contain multiple sentences each. Each paragraph should have a job. One sets the scene, one describes a person, one deals with a specific action, etc. This will make your story flow much better.

This needs a lot of work and time, Steven. I wish this review could have been better, but it's just not ready for the wiki right now. I, I understand.