Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25114042-20140703060837/@comment-19977532-20140703200921

The killer dialogue. fix it. Caps in alternating letters is forbidden and will get your article removed in all probability.

Also, there is no connection between the kid being bullied at school and the masked murderer.

Kid bullied at school -> murders at school -> mother killed -> anti-climax. I assume one of the bullies is the killer, but none of it is explained. There's the whole Jeremy thing, but half of his face is torn off or something, I don't think it's him.

Gore on its own isn't scary. To quote SomeOrdinaryGamers, "I fell and scraped my knee, and there was some blood. I didn't crap my pants!" (That wasn't the exact quote at all. Same basic point though.)

Also, fix the part that says "A pokemon loving geek with"

the sentence just cuts off then.

Decent idea though. I can't see it becoming Slenderman famous or anything, but with some tweaking, it could become good.