User blog comment:Tyberzannisultra/I need your opinion!/@comment-5239282-20140413000401/@comment-5239282-20140416022833

Yup, yup, yup and thanks. Like I said, it’s my pleasure. ;p

The dream-create cycle is an option as always. I only have two “real” precautions. One is simple enough: take care not to add too much. It’ll become clutter in the long run. As long as you keep your message concise, you run a solid chance of captivating your audience. Even an entire college thesis is manageable if your presentation is top-notch. With this in mind and factoring in all you’ve said, don’t get technical. It may be hard to not include “trivial” facts, but they generally add very little to the message except useless space filler and “the author knows their stuff.” As for your thoughts on choosing a damnation… Shoot for it. If it were up to me, though, I’d just leave it open-ended and allow the reader to fill-in-the-blanks. Of course, I’d pose the question as the end. I don’t like to “spoon-feed” my audience when it comes to the bigger questions (ie, “Who the fuck’s blood is decking my halls?”). The conclusion can either be completely rational (and false), or genuinely terrifying (and… genuine). And there’s a certain punch in having the latter confirmed just as you thought everyone’s safe (or the former, if you felt like slapping the reader’s dickhole). A lot of successful pastas rely on that sort of effect, and they get it through open-ended questions that just keep you guessing.

Onto Last Contact…

I like the setting you provided. When I was formulating my idea, I kept thinking of Blasted and Infernal Tokyo (universes in SMT IV—another great RPG). Chances are you won’t find an image of either, but your concept sounds like a cross between the two, with Blasted’s isolation and atmosphere and Infernal’s metropolis architecture. Can’t wait to hear more of your world.

My only problem here is with the characters. I think the mood would be drearier (definitely less hopeful) if the protagonist centered more of his internal monologue on the surroundings. Maybe he’s secluded himself and is barely stepping outside? My recommendation is to have it on rotation. Maybe when there’s nothing going on (like a boat ride), you can squeeze in either a section describing his surroundings or elaborating his motives. During times of desperation, however, definitely mention that his perseverance is coming from his girl. Just have it on close inspection and we’re golden.

That said, I’m not sure I’m liking the idea of a cult. If individualism and the need for association is gonna be a central theme in the story along with what we’ve established), it would be counter-productive for a random group to just spring out in the middle, no? Not to mention what you said implies that there are other survivors on top of crazy cultists. I’d much prefer there to be a few key characters that aid the protag along the way, rather than many background characters with little relevance to the story other than getting in the way. You can always combine their motives into a single character, too. Take a character with God-complex who sees it necessary to off every last human before starting anew and “creating” a world for himself.

I was also wondering if the protagonist could become trapped in a confined space—maybe even losing a limb in the process. What if he gets pinned between a collapsing scaffold and a building? Use that precious time to emphasize the loneliness and further increase the protag’s suffering. Don’t stay there too long, though; readers will become bored if you do. Instead, have him be saved by a fellow survivor (again, not a band of survivalists). Or, going by what you said of the heroine…

I’m also afraid you may get a little too detached from the story if we go with the cultists. Depending on their method of killing, the gore may distract some readers from the main plot. Again, though, how descriptive the gore is depends on you.

I’m not sure if you should include her spirit as a “physical” entity. Rather, maybe you could explain his newfound bursts of hope as such? If you do, save the big reveal for the end: “That wasn’t a smudge on my glasses, wasn’t it?”

And considering our thoughts concerning the effects of God’s presence on the human mind, ask the reader: Was it an illusion, or something far greater? Just make sure it isn’t set-up so it dissatisfies the reader. Instead, literally beg for the reader’s input.

Ultimately, I want the true enemy to be both God and the onset of desolation. The company of oneself can only go so far. I was even wondering of including dialogue between the protagonist and God (a burning bush?). I would intentionally make it surreal to ask the reader: Is this an illusion, or something far greater? Ask the bigger questions.

Then again, one would wonder how God would project Itself after doing such a thing. Power-hungry? Indifferent? Maybe even mockingly loving and caring?

… But, this is entirely up to you. Take what you want from my ideas. I suppose I’d appreciate some acknowledgement.

A lot of the stuff you’ve brought up so far can work. I don’t want to come across as commanding. Pick and choose what you want, but I’ll say it again: Make sure it makes sense to the reader. Make sure it adds to the story. Make sure it doesn’t confound the reader. Make sure it’s delivered properly.

Btw, I’m only making a point of this because it’s gotten to me in the past. A lot. ;p

… Moving on to more trivial matters: Well, my household favors a strong morale. Even if it wasn’t rated M, it would probably be forbidden based on its subject matter/lore. Moreover, magic and all that. And that sucks. I probably would’ve enjoyed watching. Have fun, though. ;p

And as far as timezones go… I have no clue. I’m posting this at 10:23 PM myself. I live in NY, so… Eastern? .-.