Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33937557-20180603171940/@comment-33937557-20180604193625

DrBobSmith wrote: SoDaftPotato, Check the last paragraph for feeling of time. You factor out for a "long span of time" and then "weeks later" you know the answer. To me, the first time span is a lot longer than the second. I'd pick one. How long did it take to get the final lab work back on Prince and Michael Jackson? Oh maybe a month? For something where they have a sample I'd expect an answer within a week.

Dozens of substances were factored out over a long span of time, with names like oxycodone and fentanyl. The candies only helped in the tiniest ways. Weeks later, a final suspect was chosen, a drug not often heard of on this side of the world...

Why would the candies help only in the tiniest ways? They should be able to run an analysis on even just one of the candies and see that it was Desomorphine.

Consider something closer to this:

Dozens of substances with names like oxycodone and fentanyl were eliminated from suspicion. Weeks later, a final suspect was chosen, a drug not often heard of on this side of the world... That is quite a bit better. You know, you've really helped with this. I appreciate you taking time to review and point out the kinks in this water hose.