User blog:Nihilus Nix Naught/I'm gone now

Well, it seems that an entire year of my life has left me. Everything I have ever done or tried to do for this place drained away in the click of a button. Fucking hell, I must look pretty pathetic to you all right now, don't I?

Being mod, I was given a sense that I was doing something, helping people, actually doing SOMETHING with my life, that I am not just the nerdy, pathetic, autistic little failure I am. But I guess it is time for me to face reality.

I have done so much in order to be here, I have argued, gone behind my family's back, faced punishments from my parents just so I could try and be here for you people if I'm needed...

At the risk of sounding even more pathetic than I am already, I cared about you guys. I know this is an online chat, that it doesn't affect my real life really, but it was real people I cared about, real people I tried to help. Yes, I admit, I got angry. I sometimes got angry at times I shouldn't. And I am sorry about that, I truly am.

Well, this blog is starting to get a little long now. For all I know, I might be back next week, or even tomorrow. I don't know. But I do know that right now, I am not in the frame of mind to be around any of you. I don't want to make anything worse, I certainly never wanted to cause any problems for this place. But I know I have. And that is inexcusable.

I don't blame you guys, Myst, Skelly, Reading... you did what you had to. I was a liability. You were right.

I'm... I'm gonna stop this here. I might be back, I might not. I'm not sure and won't be for a while, at least. I guess this is goodbye for now. But just in case I don't come back here, there are things I would like to say to people.

Firstly, Reading. You were the first person I ever met on this chat. You were always a good person and a firm friend of mine, even when I wasn't to you. Sometimes, I was completely undeserving of your friendship, but you had the power to always see the best in people. Don't you ever lose that, Reading.

Next... Maria, although chances are you won't read this. We've had our differences, we've been enemies as much as we have been friends, I admit. But after everything that happened between us, you were able to move past it and become a friend that never failed to make me laugh, even if your jokes were... questionable at times. Thank you.

Zy... Anna. What can I say? You're an amazing person. You may forget it at times, the road may seem dark for you at times, but even through all the problems you were having, you never failed to be a friend to me, even though we have argued a bit in the past. You have helped me a lot, and I am incredibly grateful.

Finn, you southern bastard. We don't talk much, I'll admit, but damn, you were a crazy bastard and your random shit kinda brightened the place up. You're a little shit, but we all love you.

Who else... Ryan. Also known as Kill. I know we'll probably still be in contact, but you have been a firm friend of mine ever since that night in Tinychat with Irish. You're probably one of the people on here I can most relate to, and you have never thought bad of me, or judged me. You always spoke your mind, and were willing to listen to me when I wanted to rant, be random or just talk. That means a hell of a lot to me.

Lauren, Trytin, Lucas. Fucking hell, you guys. We've had our differences, like I have had with many people here, but the stuff you guys do, al the random shit, brought a smile to my face no matter how shitty I was feeling. To Lucas specifically... I'm sorry about the whole thing with the bot. I think we were both kinda stupid for making a big deal over that... but yeah, I'm sorry.

And the plethora of other people I have met over the past year, some who are still with us, some who aren't, thank you. Thank you for being a friend to me, or even just for putting up with me. It truly means a lot.

...

Well, I guess I am done. This place has taken a lot from me, but I have gained so much from it too. If I do not return, just know that I will never forget this place and it's people for as long as I live. And hey, maybe one day, maybe tomorrow for all I know, I will be back.

Writing this has really helped my mood, I should do this more often... Until the next time, everyone.

Daniel Bernard Higgins (Also known as Nihilus Nix Naught, and Weaver.)