Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24686540-20140321223038/@comment-24077689-20140408175720

Again, the smiley character is cliche. Granted, this version is much less cliche, but I really feel that you could do much better.

This huge walls of text make this hard to read, try breaking this down into multiple paragraphs. Also, set up your dialogue correctly. It's hard to read as is.

I hope you expand on this, there's so fucking much happening here, it's really hard to keep up with it all.