Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27905100-20170130053114/@comment-26525489-20170130084018

I like this!

As usual with your writing, I'm not noticing blatant grammatical or word usage issues. I'm just gonna jump straight into content.

It's pretty obvious that the monsters were real from the start (as I believe was your intention), but I like that you managed to still make a little twist with it. The idea of the monster corrupting him rather than just eating or killing him was a nice touch!

Your tone shifts work pretty well, but you can almost afford to get a little darker with it. It's so light and playful with the father, which is great, but when he leaves and you start hitting us with this great imagery I want a little more. I understand the fear (I think we've all been there at some point as kids so it's easy to relate) but I want you to make me feel it a little more with your words. This paragraph especially:

''Suddenly, he heard a small metallic creak, that of an opening doorknob. Timmy looked over at his closet to see the door slowly opening. He clenched his eyes shut tightly enough to make water drip from in between his eyelids, and began to hum a cheery tune to himself. There are no monsters here, he thought. There are no monsters here.''

You could almost double the length of that to crank your tension. You've got some nice build up prior, milk it a little more!

I also would change the very first "Tim" to "Timmy" just so the narrator is consistent. I believe that was the only time the narrator uses that abbreviation throughout the whole story and it seems a little off.

Other than that, it's pretty solid. It's not gonna keep me awake at night, but it was a decently engaging story and quality work (especially for an exercise).