Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24888827-20140530205146/@comment-24821182-20140531045256

The text looks odd because you pasted it in visual mode, when you should have used source mode to avoid formatting errors. Some of the paragraphs are too big, and during dialogue, you're supposed to start a new one when person B says something after person A.

You lack a few commas here and there, and you forget to capitalize the first letter in some lines of dialogue. There also shouldn't be a double ellipses at the end.

If you deal with these issues, you could try posting it as an article.