Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29742724-20160824150548/@comment-28266772-20160825162721

Right... well...

You do some things well, but any successes are pounded into oblivion by the obnoxious style and obtuse writing. Everything from the most basic mechanical components, such as sentence structure, to more complicated philosophical musings, feel broken. At best this story feels like one written by someone who has not yet learned that writing is an exercise in convincing people that the author's head is a space worth visiting. At worst it's a story that is too busy sniffing its own asshole to actually bother being a story at all.

That, along with my inquiry into your status as an English speaker, is pretty much the most in-depth critique I can offer for now. As it is I recommend you begin with sentence structure and reread your story out loud and pick out the numerous instances of clumsy, awkward, and erroneous wording.

I don't mean to be too harsh, but I cannot babysit egos. I hope you can appreciate that I always wish to help, and I will be here if you ever return with a second draft.