Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-22961728-20160110020603

"I work in the most Haunted Building in Utah. Asylum 49 (formerly the Old Tooele Hospital) this was a hospital built in the year 1949. It was used as a military hospital for years, until finally being opened to the public. In 2006 it closed down, as the City of Tooele built a brand new (not haunted) Hospital. Soon after the building was brought by someone who had the brilliant idea to turn it into a Halloween Haunted Attraction/House. Ever since then, every year it has been open scary the public. Now that the history is over, I can get to my story. I started working there in like 2011 or so.

My first year working in the building, the casting manager decided to send me into what is considered the most haunted room. Rom 6, Lovingly renamed Room 666. I was supposed to move these wood planks out of the cast room and into Room 6. Easy enough right? The second I entered Room 6 everything went silent. The sound or people cleaning up the hall, the sound of a heavy metal song playing a few rooms over, the faint voices of the other cast and crew down the hallway. All gone. Nothing. Just the sounds in that room. Later in the year, after we were open and running. It was what seemed like a normal Tuesday night. It was late in the season, so mild snow storms were a common thing. The hallway I was in (the very same hallway that houses Room 6), is right before our outdoor courtyard set. Which this was the rare occasions the actors outside were allowed to come inside to escape the cold, as long as there were no customers coming through. While we were I the hall we talked. Talked about the funny scares we had seen, talked about the history of the building, and eventually we talked about Room 6. What we heard about that room was that when the building was an actual hospital there was an unusually mad patient in that room. Mad meaning crazy. Well the outcome of that was, according to legend the man was possessed by a demon. There was supposedly an exorcism in that room and again, according to legend, the demon was still lurking in that room. Of course we just thought it was a story and didn't believe it. A little later in the night one of the actresses told us:

"I heard if you knock three times on the door to Room 6 the demon will knock back."

Three is a very powerful number at Asylum 49 you see. When patients would die when it was a hospital, they would always die in groups of three. People have been known to leave with three mysterious scratch marks, and at 3am... the really crazy stuff happens. So being the stupid teenagers we were, one of us knocked on the door. Three times. As soon as they finished the third knock? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So someone else decided to try it as maybe they did it wrong. Still, nothing. And then I tried it. As I finished my third knock we heard the sound of claws being scratched down the door. A large gust of wind blew throughout the hallway. The large fire door to the courtyard slammed shut, which takes about two or three people to move, and the power in the entire building went out.

Now the story of the exorcism? Was that true? I have no proof it was or was not. I know now the story has changed. People now say it’s a man with Alzheimer’s, and he's "friendly". However, I do know that as of the last few years. The door to Room 6 is now left open. Something that never would have happened before. Maybe that, like the story of a possession has left, so too has the demon in Room 6." That was the story. I recently published it, but it "Did not meet the quality standards" I'm just looking for advice to make it better.

Any help is appreciated!

Thanks,

Bryce 