Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30660757-20161202185531/@comment-24101790-20161205145325

HackerMaster21 wrote: Ok I edited it. Read it, AND STOP CUSSING!!!!

Uh, I think you need to read our messages again since no one cussed and you really are ignoring a lot of the story and mechanical issues I listed above.

Spelling: "After 5 minutes, I herd a long screech.", "I slowly searched the house to see if the beast she bacame was anywhere.", etc.

Awkward wording: "Long ago, about 25 years ago, we were walking home from school on a bright sunny day during summer, hot, beautiful.", "I ran into the bathroom, and that's when happened.", "My lungs burst as I layed there,laughing,as she ran out of the bathroom,screeching.", etc.

As for story issues, I'll just copy/paste my above message as you're overlooking a lot of it. I'm sorry but this is really rushed. There is really no reason to get into the story without any real description (or bland descriptors like: "Her face was grey with blood everywhere"), emotion, or characterization.

I'm sorry, but like a said above, this story is going to need a lot of work.