Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33937557-20180618195611/@comment-33937557-20180619235954

Jdeschene wrote: I like it, though there are places where it needs to be cleaned up. I get that you're going for farmspeak, but some of it is a little too messy, like: "His fall had revealed a hidden nest. I screamed, practically a headless chicken when I ran outside and turned a corner that lead to green pastures, Mom and Dad helped each other hang clothes but stopped when they saw me." This is just a straight-up run-on sentence, and it's not the only one. I suggest proofreading it out loud to yourself or using a text-to-speech website (which is what I do). It will help you find the messy bits so you can clean them up.

But that's all execution. The story itself is great in the most terrible way. Nice job! I see that run-on monstrosity now you've pointed it out, and my word is it a mess.

Why, thank you, o Great Reviewer!