User blog comment:Holly Bailey/Thing I'm Afraid Of/@comment-26030957-20170214013044/@comment-26030957-20170214024415

Y'all never gone out on rainy day, when the grass is all soft and muddy, and that black earth just smells so gooood, ya' just wanna stick your dick in it and give the lawn a good ole' screwin'?

I'se out there one time, and seen my cousin Bethany (she's the one with the weird eye and buck teeth that don't talk too good), jamming a tall stalk of fescue 'tween her legs.

"Bethany," I hollared, "What you doing to my damn lawn?"

"If you'se given it to the lawn, I sure as hell am getting some from it!" she shouted back.

And that, son, was when I learned that a lawn can, infact, fuck a woman.