Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24699189-20140707101659/@comment-17739056-20140707152001

I think this would be a decent idea if you made it into an actual story, giving it the proper kind of suspense and build-up to the events, and maybe if you did something more creative having to do with cards like what Mystreve said. Make the torture plan a little more realistic like what MonochromeSaya96 said.

What bothers me a lot about most creepypasta and today's horror movies is the gore. Don't get me wrong, gore in your story is great, but it's not needed to make a scary story. Though I've never been scared of horror, I know it's the suspense and just the story itself that makes for a scary read, nothing but ecessive, over the top blood and gore just makes it boring. The way I like to wright short horror stories is saving most, if not all, the blood and gore for the climax ("big thing" at the end of a story) and putting lots of suspense in the rest, but that's only a suggestion.

I hope I haven't been too hard on you. I really hate writing negative reviews. But know that it's only some constructive critisism for you to take this a step further, no meanness intended. To end this on a postive note, I think you have a great start, it was just poorly executed.