Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26109347-20150214172104

I never wanted to die like this...all alone. no one there to care that I'm gone. most people that die alone aren't REALLY alone. they have people that care about them. people are thinking about dying without a spouse when they hear someone died 'alone.' Me, however, I am truly alone, and the worst part is...IT'S ALL MY FAULT. I'm writing this in case I don't succeed. Let me start at the beginning.

It's started after a suicide. That was the start of it, but if that was all that happened I wouldn't be writing my last words in hopes that someone would find it and learn from my mistakes. After the suicide of my close friend, things started happening. It's like that one tragic incident drew all this misfortune and tragedy, and it circled around me; it was like fate or something was taunting me, daring me to end the pain while daring me to keep going. it was maddening...no, it was fucked up, that's what it was. After the suicide, came the shooting. a kid who was always so cheerful, always happy, always trying to cheer us up and make us look on the bright side came in one day acting odd. he was too quiet, trying hard not to be noticed. if I wasn't facing the way I was I would've never seen the movement. out of the corner of my eye I saw a shape in his hand and I turned. it was a gun. with no concern for my safety, I ran at him. he tried to shoot me but he had the safety on-at the time I was glad it was, now I'm not so sure. by the time I reached him he had the safety off. I tackled him, but on the way down he shot somebody. while I struggled to hold him down I learned something about him I didn't: he was strong. really strong. he threw me off, shot two people neither of us knew and then shot himself...all before I could get up and try to stop him. It only took ten to thirty seconds, but it felt like minutes. and with his blood splattered all over me-he shot himself through the throat and up through his head, at least that's what I was told later-I just stood there frozen. I don't know how long I stood there. all I do know is that my 'friends' finally dragged me to a chair and sat me down. I just kept repeating to myself one question, and not the one you're thinking of. I didn't repeat "why did he do it?" no. I repeated to myself a different question: "why couldn't I stop him?"

After the shooting things started to fall apart slowly. some of the friends I had stopped hanging out with me cause of how I changed. I no longer joked, I wasn't trying to look on the bright side of anything, I was jumpy, I...I didn't care anymore. soon after the shock faded, and the incident burnt in my mind faded a little, I was a little more like my old self and a few of the friends that left came back. they were the ones that just wanted to give me some space to sort this shit out in my head. heh. they didn't know that you can't ever sort out shit like that. There was one difference in my that they noticed, I know they noticed although they never said anything. I didn't care anymore. I was just shutting myself off. I don't know how long I would've stayed like that if the universe hadn't decided I hadn't had enough shit happen to me.

We were walking into a store because jake wanted a slim jim-he was addicted to em, I guess-when we noticed something was off. I told them but they just brushed it off. if only I had offered to buy it for jake then it might've been me... There were only two of them; they wore black bandanas over their faces, sunglasses, gloves, and hoodies. only one of them had a gun. they saw us come in, saw us before we saw them. they were robbing the place and apparently they heard about the "hero" of the shooting. me. jake was walking in front of us, and when he saw the gun aimed at me, he moved in the way. the second time someone got shot in front of me I wasn't shocked...I was furious. I ran at the guy, grabbing a random item from a shelf-and by some strange stroke of luck it was something I could kill with. it was a utility knife that an employee had put down like they instructed him when they were robbing it. he had been cutting open some fresh boxes of merchandise. well, I ran at the son of a bitch. the employee had even left the blade extended, lucky for me...not so lucky for the robber. I was stronger then, and faster. I had been training myself to make up for how weak I was when my friend shot three people and himself. I tackled the first robber with the knife in front of me, and the knife ended up in his throat. I came at the other guy and he was backing up trying to get his gun to work. apparently he was too flustered to turn off the safety after seeing me kill his partner.

I was just angry...I hated them and I...WANTED to kill them. but I left the knife in the other guy's throat. so, I did the next best thing. I kicked him in the nuts, I grabbed his hand with the gun and I snapped his arm using both my arms and putting my whole body into the twist. he dropped the gun, and I knocked him to the ground and started hitting him. I blacked out. when I came to my friend was pulling me off of him. I had beaten his face in, there wasn't anything left to identify I had been hitting him so long. my friend said that he had been trying to get me off of him for 5 minutes. but I wouldn't stop. I killed 2 men...but they deserved it. jake and I had been through hell together. we fought off bullies who picked on others-I was the brains and technique and he was the brawn and speed-and we even survived knife fights together-we had a habit of taking shortcuts through dangerous parts of the city. we were inseparable. hell, he even tried to hook me up with some women. but the women apparently didn't like guys like me. I was told later that the man I killed with the knife was a convicted murder. he had broke out of prison recently, and hooked up with an old buddy to commit the robbery. his buddy, however, was just a man who needed the cash to support his sick daughter, and the reason he tried to shoot me is he didn't want to leave his daughter without a father. well, so much for that. I wasn't just indifferent by then, I was shut off. I didn't care if I lived or died, I just went through the routine.

I couldn't sleep. every time I did I relived those horrible events.

One by one my remaining friends left and forgot about me. I even ran into them a few times. I didn't say anything, but I noticed there was no recognition in their eyes. I was truely alone. but then, one day, I met a girl who was in the same position as I was. we were both sinking deeper into this hole, and we decided why shouldn't we just fall in together? I mean, there's no one in this world other than us who are like this, right? we stuck together. I learned that she had went through more albeit different and often less serious shit. the only thing that was worse than what I went through was that she was raped by someone she knew for many years and was actually her best and only friend. plus, she didn't have anyone to help her. she was all alone...like me. so, I said that I could make sure that asshole pays dearly for what he did. I didn't care what would happen to me afterwards. she said it's alright. she already made him pay. she cut off his dick and shoved it in his mouth while he screamed. I laughed at that. it was the first time in years I laughed. and what was even better was she joined in. I decided then that maybe things might work out after all. the weeks went by, and life for both of us got better. we were sticking together. there was nothing romantic about our relationship. it was all just two people who are just in the same shitty position and started to help each other out of it. we got closer, and we spent a lot of time talking, and I even started to joke again. I stopped being so jumpy. I even started to look on the bright side again. I was slowly becoming my old self. and she was changing, too. she was becoming more tough, joking more, showing her tomboy side. she was becoming what I assume was her old self. and I loved it. I was really happy for the first time in my life, and though she didn't say it I could tell it was the same for her. we avoided all of my old haunts, and she guided me away from her old haunts, that way neither of us would run into people we knew and didn't want to see again. which after all my friends abandoned me, I didn't want to see them ever again. and now, it was like old times again. it was two against the world, only this time it wasn't Jake with me, it was alison. and this time I could hold my own with strength and speed instead of just technique and strategy. so, people learned not to mess with us. the streets were our home turf and nobody was going to take it from us.

it was a cold day, colder than usual in the San Francisco winter. we didn't have a place to stay really, we just took shelter when we needed to, and we both did odd jobs-I did some work washing cars and even doing manual labor, and she joined in when she could. though most of the time she was the one hired to wash the cars, for obvious reasons. we stuck together a lot. and we lived off the grid-which is easier than you'd think in a big city. but, anyway, we were taking shelter in our little rooftop shelter. it was a roof that was locked but still had a fire escape-for obvious reasons. no one ever went up there, so we made it our home. to add to the cold it was a very windy day, and there had been a storm the day before so it was also humid. you get used to the humidity when you live on the bay, but you don't get used to this type of cold. it was uncharacteristicly cold for San Francisco, and we even had to huddle for warmth. so, we decided it was time to venture out and see if we could eat something warm in a restaurant. we had money for it. so we climbed down. and at the wrong time, too. apparently we interrupted some thugs. that wouldn't of been a problem if they weren't armed with guns. they decided they would have fun with Alison. and that threw me over the edge. no one was going to make her go through that again if I had anything to say about it. Alison didn't know, but I had saved up enough and bought a gun. I had it well hidden. I pulled it out, shot one in his gun arm, then got behind him putting the gun to his head. I shot the two who had grabbed Alison multiple times. I knew I had enough bullets for all the thugs and then some. there had been 6 of them, and now 2 were dead and one was my hostage. I spoke:

"Any of you go near her or try to shot me or her, and you die. if you manage to kill her, I won't just kill you, I will kill your friends, your family, and then kill you slowly, making you feel pain for WEEKS before I finally let you die. now put your guns on the ground and kick them to me or I kill one of you. Alison, get behind me." Alison gets behind me and the thugs do what I say. I speak again:

"now, this man is going to stay with me, but you two are free to go. he deserves to be punished for coming up with the idea of messing with her. if you have any problems with that, I can shoot you. understand?" they nod and leave. I make my prisoner lay on the ground. I say "Alison, what should we do to punish him, to make sure he never suggests the same thing again?" she just looks at me. "What?" she says "what...did you...do?" I say "I saved you. I stopped people who wouldn't of thought twice about doing it again." she's quiet until finally she says "just...let him go. I don't want you to have any more on your conscience. and definitely not because of me. So please, just let him go." I reluctantly let him go, saying "she saved your life. just letting you know. I wouldn't of left you alive if she hadn't told me to. so you better think twice next time you want to try that again." he runs. I collect the guns and wipe them down, then put them in a bag. I leave them on the bodies. "we shouldn't return here for a while. let's just go." "I've never...seen you like that before. I didn't know you..." she trails off. "I had lost my only true friend in the world because of scum like them. he took a bullet that was meant for me. I wasn't going to let anyone take my last reason for living away." "what? what do you mean your last reason...?" I look away. "I said too much again, didn't I?" I say quietly. "I always do that. I say too much then people leave." then I turn back towards her to say something and see the recognition. I close my mouth and look to the side. then I say "if you want to go and leave me forever, I don't blame you. I'm a lost cause. I said too much, and did too much. don't worry. as long as I know you're alive, my last friend, the last person who ever cared...well, then I can find a way to keep going." she says "what are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave. you're the first person who ever really cared. you don't pretend to care like everyone else. and no, you didn't say too much. you said just enough. I feel the same way." 'I feel the same way.' I never thought I would hear words that made me forget all the shit I went through. but hearing those words made me forget that everything was horrible, was all fucked up, was all screwed up. and so, we stayed together. we were more than friends at that point. we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, either. I don't know what we were, but that was ok as long as we were together. but...all good things come to an end don't they? I wish that weren't true.

God, how I wish that weren't true.

The day came that she was found by a private investigator. turns out her parents-whom she didn't have even one memory of-were looking for her for 16 years. apparently she was abducted when she was 5, then just thrown to the streets when police got too close. I was happy for her. she actually had people that cared, people who never gave up on the hope that they would find her. the reason she didn't remember them is because the things she went through during the abduction made her mind close off that part of her past. she wasn't sure about meeting them, but I told her to go. I told her this is her only chance to meet people who had cared about her from the moment she was born, and who never forgot her. I told her...I said to her:

"these are two people who have always cared about you, never forgot about you, and didn't give up on finding you. that is way more than I can say about anyone who had ever been in my life. go. meet them. there's nothing to lose." she replies: "But what if I don't come back?" "I'll be fine, especially knowing you're finally happy and have others who care about you. just promise me you'll never forget me, cause I will NEVER forget you. just remember to write to the P.O. Box we got, and stay in touch. also, visit if you ever get the chance. I'll be right here waiting." she smiles, says "thank you." then kisses me. then just like that she was gone. and she forgot about me, just like everyone else. no letters came. she never visited, I never heard anything. nothing. I was alone again. this time no hope would show up in the shape of someone else. instead, misfortune showed up in the shape of someone I once knew. someone I thought had died. Marcus. He supposedly had died when his apartment burned down. Yet somehow he just showed up out of the blue... "I've been searching everywhere for you. you're a tough guy to find. heh. but then again, knowing your heroics I guess that's on purpose." I turned around, recognizing the voice. "Marcus? but you died." He laughs. he's wearing a black trench coat, black baseball cap, and black jeans. he has a beard and a burn scar on his face, but there's no mistaking him. "me? no. I just cover my tracks very well." "then, who-" "oh, no one. but I did make sure that no one would figure it out." "you murdered someone? didn't think you of all people would do that." "well, we've both killed. but you have me beat...for now." I feel a chill in my bones. "for now?" "hahahahaha! you kidder. you know I've gotta beat your high score. just like in highschool." "this isn't a game, Marcus. there is no high score, there is no score period." "bull. you just don't want me to try. and I wonder which ones count for more. heh heh heh hahahahahahahahahahaha!! well! now that I've had a good laugh, I'll be seeing you. heheheheheh." he walks away and turns the corner. I run, following him but when I round the corner he isn't there...and it's a dead end. "what the fuck?" comes out of my mouth without me knowing. I shake my head and say "you're losing it. he's dead. they said there was no way he survived, and even that they identified him through the most reliable means. no. he wasn't here. he COULDN'T have been here." I ran to the library and accessed the internet. I searched for news stories regarding him I found two. and the second one's headline chilled me even further: "Body of Marcus Alexander Blake disappears from morgue. police baffled." I read the article and stop in horror: "Sources say that, other than the autopsy report and tests to determine the identity, no evidence was found that the body of Marcus Alexander Blake was ever in the morgue, despite all claims made by the medical examiner and police." I feel even colder as I read further almost against my will. "There have been reports of an individual that looks like Marcus Alexander Blake at a couple murders, the victims of which had been previously convicted of starting fires, such as Michael S. Erickson, who blocked the exit of an eight floor apartment and set it on fire with a mother, father, and eight month old child trapped inside. these reports, however, have been few in number and unconfirmed..." I stop reading, close everything out, and log off. I walk out in a haze. what the fuck is going on? then I stop. Alison. she never wrote. she never visited. maybe...no, no. no way am I going to think of that. I went into an alley and run into Marcus again. "Hey Isaac, my main man! guess who beat your score all in one swoop? THIS GUY!!! HAHAHAHAHA!! Now, it's your turn to beat mine." "I'm not playing your game, Marcus-if you even ARE marcus. I don't even know if you're alive, or even human. I know your body vanished from the morgue without a trace." "heheheh. nice little trick, huh? yeah it was fun. that was a great way to say 'fuck you' to the police! hahahahaha!" I stay silent and keep walking. "Silent treatment, eh? well, that's ok. I'll just keep wracking up my score until I beat hitler. I'll be the best there ever was at killing!" "why. why are you doing this." "because, I'm nothing if I don't. I don't matter until I kill. then I'm EVERYTHING. and I found a way to be everything forever. hahahahaha!" "what do you mean...?" "Oh, nothing you'll ever know. you don't have the SOUL for it. or the will. you're too weak." "you're not gonna provoke me." "oh I'm not trying to provoke you. but I will warn you, since we were once friends. one day, you're number will come. and I'll come for you. just be ready. I don't want it to be TOO easy. hahaha!" before I could even respond he was gone. after that I kept an eye on the news articles, and I saw his discription show up over and over. not ever article about a death, more like one, sometimes two or three a week. but I knew someday I was going to be killed by this thing that wears Marcus' face. unless it is Marcus. if it is, then I might have a chance. but I've read too many creepypastas and scary stories and seen too much shit to think I'd be lucky enough for it to really be him, if I'm to believe those fake stories. no. I'm on my own with an immortal murderer planning on saving me for last. Either that or I'm just crazy. But still, I drove Alison away, and if I hadn't of acted and killed those people, as much as they deserved it, I wouldn't be in this situation. maybe Alison is dead, maybe the private investigator was just a trick. I...don't know anymore. But I'm not going down without a fight. When Marcus comes around again I'll ki" -The somewhat burnt journal ends there. It was next to a charred body that was missing its head. As soon as Alison had finished reading she called the police and left, not wanting to get blamed. They would never believe her anyway. Marcus is supposed to be dead, and she is supposed to be missing. "Things never change do they, Marcus?" She sighs, shaking her head. "And here I thought I had found someone you couldn't get to." 