Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20181220225142/@comment-35711173-20181221055823

L0CKED,

While the issue Bloody Spaghetti mentioned of being able to get four cans of Steel Reserve at Quickie-Mart for one shot of watered down whiskey in a bar is 100% true, I am not sure it is a problem with the story. We don't know that this guy is an alcoholic. It's not indicated in the story. The guy is emotionally upset and going to a bar is a common place to go when upset.

How long had it been from leaving the bar in the BMW, going to his old house, going to his apartment, going to the office and running into the janitor? An afternoon? Hours. The guy says one hour. Time issue here.

You get a very sudden explanation told to you at the end. Boom, the entire nature of the box is revealed. Show, not tell.

You then ignore an option for greater horror. What if he was told that he had to get the box within four hours, and it was almost four hours. What if the collector came after him as he tried to make it. He almost got of that bar alive but instead tumbles down to Hell as the devil of the bottle tries to get yet another sucker.

As a side note, you have many wrong word errors. Spelled correctly but not at all what you mean.