Talk:Tobit: The Champion Rises/@comment-24996913-20160319071422

Could lacy get any more evil? I mean, I loved her as a villain (we've discussed my weird gravitation towards sadistic psychopaths in writing) but seriously, the whole artistic posing part was just too much to imagine. Although I enjoyed her psychosis, I'm happy she's gone to rest. She was getting a bit to eager and a bit too reckless. I'm happy Lena went through with it. Honestly, I haven't read a story that was so vividly imaginable. You did a great job describing that scene, and since no one mentioned it, I felt the need to. Amazing job there.

Mr. Pinky is just a joy isn't he. The most well mannered, intimidating guy in this series. With the name, his manners, and his gestures (smiles) it's hard to believe he's a top dog that can go from friendly to deadly. I see why he's avoided. I love the mention of power tiers in today's society. Very true to fact. Everyone cowers at the sight of the CEO, or boss. They hurry back to doing their jobs, and cut the small talk between coworker's. That whole section made this series even more realistic to me. I also love the slight humor with the commentary about the succubus. I love succubi, so that made me giggle a bit.

In the third chapter, I made a slight edit. For writing such long and in depth paragraphs, it's nice to see little to no need for edits. Of course, that's a given with you. I do want to point out this paragraph under the third chapter:

“I don’t know. It’s not as though they’ve ever met, especially considering that one is over a century older than the other. I have to wonder if his nephew has the same iron will and conviction that our leader does. Why and how Gregory even got here is a mystery, but like Brandon said, his nephew looked my cozy with Pinkerton. No telling. At this point though, we need the numbers. Things are going to get nutty around here very soon, we’re going to need all the help we can get.”

I think you meant to put "mighty" instead of "my" at the 4th till last sentence. I didn't want to edit it and not get the word you intended to write right.

I really don't understand why Brandon would feel it necessary to discuss The Unwashed, list names of members, to his hostile nephew. The guy clearly had a vendetta against his uncle, so why he was so trusting was foolish to say the least.

Madison still rings so many realistic bells for me. There have been countless leaders of the church who had absolutely no belief in what they preached, and yet, still attended to their job as if they did. This revelation truly speaks with Madison. The hypocrisy of this character is numbing, but also a sort of cross with the bible and it's working. The treacherous servant serving alongside Christ. Very symbolic. The beautiful and engaging speech by Timothy was truly inspiring. To imagine him there, starved, barely able to speak, just gave me a wave of happiness. That was courageous of him. I wasn't surprised greggory outed the group, and killed Madison. It was foolish of Brandon to inform him of all of that without establishing trust.

Tabitha, all I can say is wow. That was a shocking chapter, coming from a deranged assassin such as herself. I halfway thought she'd slit his throat after he turned around to sleep, her ambitious aggression for his newfound position triggered. I'm surprised she actually slept afterwards, haha.

Let's just say this was definitely my favorite part to the series. Action, symbolism, hypocrisy, treachery, betrayal, loss, and a slight undertone of humor and love. Absolutely amazing work on this one especially. I would've written way more but yeah, my fingers are exhausted.