User blog comment:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Miss Mosaic/@comment-26011836-20150325203242

Looking back at this story, I can see more of the flaws with the pasta. Don't get me wrong, I still like the psychological approach. However, I think the story could've been a lot better with these suggestions:

1. The grammatical errors and awkward wording could've been easily fixed with a simple peer review. I'm currently having my peer reviewed by someone else and they caught a few instances of awkward wording and grammatical errors that I wouldn't have catched without the peer review.

2. I understand that this story relied on psychological horror, which is fine. However, The "Pill bottle" ending didn't seem to make much sense, given what has happened in the story. If the story relies on psychological horror, I think a better ending could've been something like the story was a dream from the narrator, who insists it was real. Not only would this have been a creative way to end a pasta, but it would also give the story a bit of mystery to it.

3. The points where the narrator says "This Pasta is Original DAMMIT!!!" don't really work. I think I may understand why these parts were put in. You see, I think it's a way to put some meta humor in the story while giving the narrator a bit of a personality at the same time. Do I think it's a good method of doing so? No! I don't. To make matters worse, the author makes the narrator hammer in the fact that it's not going to have any of those Creepypasta cliches over and over again, thinking that they're being clever. Newsflash! Hammering in the "This ain't cliche!" thing doesn't make your story any funnier or smarter. In fact, it comes off as irritating and repetitive, which may turn off some people from reading it. Just because you don't have as many cliches as other lost episode pastas or pastas in general, doesn't give you the right to shove it in the reader's face. I think this pasta could've been much more enjoyable and subtle if these parts were taken out entirely.

Also, here's a Joke I would've used in my riff of Miss Mosaic: please keep in mind that this isn’t one of those cliché lost episode crap stories that has the static and blood and gore and blah, blah, blah. So this is what happens when you let Deadpool write a Creepypasta!