Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27131439-20151028182653/@comment-26425680-20151030043608

I've seen pastas like this before, where people are lured to some sort of attraction that ends up being a trap, so I really can't give you too many points for originality. I wound up with a feeling of apathy when I reached the end of this story, because I didn't find any real surprises or genuine thrills (at least not anything I hadn't seen before). The strength of this pasta lies in your descriptive powers, which are quite good. On a technical level, your writing is great, and the only error I saw was "despite" in place of "despise." Overall, I'd say this is a story that looks good on the outside, but lacks the substance that a truly great pasta should have. And to be fair, I know that there are plenty of people out there who will like this just the way it is. Since your technical skills are clearly up to the task, I would advise you to try and think of a completely original plot, and then see where it takes you.