My Mind



Why didn't you come? I have been waiting for you everyday ever since we were married. Why did you leave me? Where did you go? “I don't know.” Have you been dating somebody? “No, I never have.” Are you sure?

“Yes.” Why did you run away? “I don't know.” Why did you run away? “I don't know.” Why did you run away? “I don't know!” Why did you run away? “Because they hate me! LEAVE ME ALONE!” No, they love you. <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">I understand. <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“NO, YOU DON'T!” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“Just leave me alone, leave...just leave me.”

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">But she loves me and understands people like me, I couldn't bear it. I don't like truths, they hurt me...so much. My parents never love me, but she says they do love me....I don't understand, I will never understand anybody! NOT EVEN MY PARENTS. This world is fucked up, I want to leave but I can't there's something blocking me. What is this? This world leaves so much mysterious that we can't find the real answer. I wish we could all just die, all on our own. <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“We can't.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“Why not?” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“Because we are here to do something important.”

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“WHAT IMPORTANCE?! WE ARE ALL HERE FOR NOTHING!”

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“We supposed to be here.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“SHUT THE FUCK UP! I DON”T NEED YOU HERE!” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">She won't understand me, no she won't. My parents neglected me ever since we moved, we were such in poverty that they blame me for being here, like I'm the cause of it. They were working their asses off to get enough money for themselves and me. After a few years past, I came back to school from detention. I went home to eat dinner, and then they weren't there, all I see was a note on the kitchen floor saying: “Goodbye.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">My mind felt wavy for a second there, but when I reread it, it suddenly hit me...they left me. I panicked through the house to find them, but when I went to the basement. I saw them. Hanging with their smiles, seems like they're happy to be without me. I guess they like going to hell instead being here, and I guess also that staying here with me is more pain in the ass than being in hell. I sat on the couch with my head crooked sideways while my tears weep and leak, my mind went blank and repeating the same phrase: “Why?” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“They love you.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“Because I love you.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">No she don't, why she won't accept it? WHY?! Why would I even bother to marry her. <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“Because you love me.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“No I don't anymore.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“Yes you do.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“No I don't.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“You do.” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">I slapped her, her face abruptly turn to the side like she about to flip in midair. She slowly turn her face to me with a face that has no expression. Her cheeks turned blazing red, My face show anger. She look at me in the eye, breathing heavily.

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“I love you.”

<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">My eyes grew wider, I grab her neck, chocking her until the last breath she has. Her eyes grew wider, her arms weakened by the lack of breath, she was trying to pry my arms away but it failed. She try to scratch me but it didn't hurt. Kicking me, missed. And then I threw her across the room, the wall splashed with her blood. Her eyes went blank, not shutting them. The pool of blood slowly expands across her body. My anger depleted but when I look at her. I was shocked. I dumped her body in the backyard and buried it. I was staring at her misshapen grave, crying. <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“Why did I do that?” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“WHY?!” <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-decoration: none;">“Because you love me.”