Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996426-20140625225700/@comment-24918243-20140626162942

I think you really need to proofread this story some. Not run it through a spell check, but actually read what you wrote.

Examples: "..16 year old girl, accept the fact that.." should be except.

"... rosy cheeks that could be pinched by ever grandmother for miles around" I think the word you are looking for here is "every".

"... She slow stood and ran her hand along trees to find her way...." slowly. The story itself makes little sense, and it's not very believable. Not to mention full of cliches.

First your opening paragraph: "Jenny Marcus was a normal 16 year old girl, accept the fact that her mother died when she was very young and her father was sexually and verbally abusive. He would constantly rape her and then afterwards, tell her how ugly and stupid she was."

I don't see how anyone could describe that situation as anything close to normal.

"So one night as Raven was sleeping, Jenny takes a knife, and makes a long diagonal slice across her face from the left side of her jaw, to her right eyebrow. Jenny felt a cold rush throughout her body after doing that. She knew she had destroyed Ravens face... and she was DAMN proud of it."

Here's a dumb question: how come Raven didn't wake up as her mom carved her face?

The her mom pokes her eyes out and she can still see outlines?

The violence is gratuitous and nonsensical. At times bordering on being comical.

And in the end we get a character that is like the love child of Jane the Killer and Leatherface.

I realize this is your first pasta, but here are some things to keep in mind:

Check your story. There are a lot of errors here that had you even read it before you posted, you would have caught.

Research story elements that you are trying to use, so you don't end up writing stuff that is nonsense.

Avoid cliches.

Do these and I'm sure your next story will be a lot better.