Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20150328005353/@comment-25000365-20150328031119

First off, I like your writing style and you have pretty good grammar compared to most stories on this site. However, this idea is very cliche (Oh, the things are going to get me, do I kill myself?) It kinda reminds of that one creepypasta where the things start talking to the guy and he embraces death with the things.

But the thing that kills it is the ending. Personally, I would put an ending nobody would expect whatsoever. Maybe you could have the character shoot an explosive barrel that kills everyone including him. That was a terrible example, but you get my point. Make the ending something not even the most attentive reader could expect.

Cliches and mediocre ending aside, this has pretty good potential. You're a good writer, so put it to good use. I give the story 6.5/10 at its current state.