Talk:The Happiness Foundation/@comment-26054278-20150209015427

The idea for the story is certainly interesting, but I'm pretty sure you switch tenses (usually from past tense to present tense) a lot.

For example:

"They weren't home.

And I knew exactly why.

I'm leaving.

The day after that day, I flew..."

If this sentence was to be correct, it probably should be, "I left." I put "flew" in bold because that word is in the past tense, and you can't just switch from past to present to past.

Also, when I went to translate the sentence in Russian from Russian to English, it said it meant this:

Russian currency pereotsenena- Happiness Foundation

Is that an actual word? I looked it up and I got no results. This happens again with the final sentence of the story. However, I passed this off as just me not knowing the word or Google Translate being terrible.

Anyway, how is the actual story? Actually good, but the tense swaps make it much weaker.