Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27838637-20160727122520/@comment-25569708-20160806055438

Alright, I've managed to remove the cause (but not the symptoms) of my illness, so now I'll let you know my thoughts, very sorry for the wait. I should say that I thought you did this journal-style story very well; you seemed to understand how to effectively execute these style of pastas. To shamelessly steal a quote from Wallis, I think an important thing you pulled off was that "Each section furthers the plot and characters in a useful way". You didn't waste time, but you didn't sacrifice character or flow either. I thought the premise of this mysterious car was pretty cool, and I liked the whole thing with the unexplained money deposits. The whole "seemingly-innocent thing turning out to be otherworldly/paranormal" epistolary story actually reminded me of Christian's story Give It Everything, and I mean that as a compliment. Anyways, I also think that this story could use some more "post-hair" mayhem. The hair part was rather shocking to me and I was hoping you would go a bit farther with it/things like it. Christian gave some pretty interesting ideas of what else could happen, but I think you can come up with some creepy car/biology crossover scenarios yourself. But yeah basically, Christian's newest feedback pretty much sums up how I feel, especially about the ending. I too thought it felt a bit rushed, and ultimately kind of predictable. I mean I know it's a car, so a normal car accident like that felt expected. I think if you could get in some more post-hair mayhem and figure out a better, weirder car accident ending (something a little more unpredictable and dare I say bizarre), this thing would be in better shape (but it's pretty great nonetheless). Hope this helps.