Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27027028-20151005170128/@comment-25477067-20151008161909

First of all, please fix spelling and punctuation. I have the same problem; I often forget to check punctuation, but you should probably run it through a spellcheck. If it was just a few misspelled words, I would understand, but almost every second letter "i" is lower case.

Secondly, You probably didn't know, but we do not use indentation on paragraph here. Paragraphs are a very good thing, but not indentation. However, I applaud that you actually took the time to make paragraphs.

With just these two changes, you story become a lot more legible and credible:

I own a street corner bookshop. I have new books, old books, even a few I have made myself. My books sell rather well and I’ve been meaning to write a new one. The rough leathery cover. The nice red ink. That glorious smell. I’d do anything for a good book.

Once a young woman asked me about them. She was pretty. Beautiful even. Soft silky strands of hair, skin so soft and radiant. I told her that I would tell her about them over lunch. she agreed and I couldn’t help the stupid grin that spread across my face. We met at my shop at around 3:00 pm. We had lunch. I even made tea. I started to laugh as I saw the drugs take effect. Her eyes glazed over and she crumpled to the table at her seat. I worked her quickly into the basement.

As she awoke she screamed as loud as her lungs could. Tears streamed down her face taking her mascara with it. I emerged from the shadows and said,”Just hush honey, it’ll all be over soon.” I placed my finger on her small trembling lips and told her to hush. I raised the cleaver in my right hand. I gazed into her pleading teary eyes as I buried the cleaver in her nice thin neck. I skinned her, and drained her blood. I dried her flesh. I went upstairs to get paper. I wrote out my story in her blood. I like it when people ask me about my books. They, like me, would just do anything for a good book.

And I’ve been meaning to write a new one. ..

Thirdly, The story itself is very short and bland. It doesn't really have any surprises. You tell us what happens like you are a robot. There are no reveals, no veiled meanings. I for one, would have loved to see a slow build up to the big reveal of what he makes the books out of. Maybe he goes on the date, then takes her back home? he shows her his "books" and asks her if she want to help write one. Then he debates, torn, over her sleeping in his bed while he holds the knife, pacing back and forth?