Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25714052-20150605053356/@comment-25052433-20150605221525

Okay, just got done reading, and now let's take a look at the review.

As a theory pasta, this one is interesting and presents some cool concepts into the very nature of our own society. It was cool looking back at evolution and the history of man with a creepy hue added to the whole process.

Your writing looks good, as far as grammar and spacing and the such go, it looks like you took your time and made sure you presented a good product, which speaks volumes about your work, as well as you as a writer.

The areas where I feel this could improve largely come from the rather dry plot presentation. This reads a lot like a text book rather than a horror story. While the idea is certainly brilliant and the potential here is rather wide, I find that reading this from start to finish is a bit boring. I am also not a fan of using the idea of Creepypasta within a creepypasta. I understand that you are trying to write as direct to the reader here as possible, but I was not convinced that these beings would use our site here to convey this message of ownership of action and apology. If they are as advanced as you make them out to be, I find that they would use a better method of reaching out to mankind as a whole.

My advice here would be to add in some more action points during the plot, something to keep the reader locked in to the over all story. This should help loosen the flow and make it a lot smoother to get from start to finish.

Over all though this is quite good and I enjoyed it. This is very ambitious and has a great deal of potential to be an amazing theory pasta here on this site. Excellent work!