User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Jane's Letter

Remember way back when I Riffed "Jane the Killer: The Real Story", and mentioned that that story was not the first story about Jane the Killer? Well, the story I'm Riffing now is the first story. Before I Riff it, I should talk about the author of the story, MrAngryDog.

From what I know about this guy, he's written "Father Malone", "Bad Dream Debbie", and this story among others (I should mention that one of the stories he's written starts with "Revenge is a dish best served cold..." - Old Klingon proverb. That's kind of true, thought the quote, which is from Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan, was "Revenge is a dish which is best served cold." So he kind of got the quote wrong. As you can tell, I'm kind of a Trekkie), and created the Creepypasta Land Wiki, where I've gotten quite a few stories from. Now, why did he do this? Based on what I heard, this guy posted stories to this Wiki, but because they weren't very good, they were deleted. This upset MrAngryDog, and he caused a bit of a stir. So, he decided to make his own Wiki with lowered standards. I should also mention that quite a few of his stories focus on Jane the Killer.

Now, why am I bringing this up? Because I feel like I'm going to be Riffing more of this guy's work in the future, and just wanted to give a bit of background on him. Anyway, let's try not to sleep, and Riff this bitch! (That was not meant as an insult towards Jane)

On a hot summer night Jeff the Killer took another victim Good writing?—this time, a young wife, and also leaving her husband with a massive skull fracture as a result of blunt-force trauma, the only people to survive was the couple's 4-month-old baby and the babysitter. Along side the child, police have found a letter which was written on the back of a paper grocery bag in a black sharpie marker, ''Seriously, Jane? That’s the best you could do? I’m sure that the family had paper or something.'' and a Motorola Droid, faintly illuminated under the baby's blanket. ''Wait, whose phone is that? Is it Jane's? Did Jane the Killer actually leave a cell phone there?'' The babysitter who was locked in the closet during the time claimed she smelled the lingering odor of women's cheap perfume and found body glitter on the baby's crib. ''Wait, wait, wait. Jane the Killer wears perfume and body glitter? What is she, a stripper?'' But who was it from? Police were able to decipher the writing on the grocery bag and here's what it said: “Hail Hydra.”

Jeff,

if you are reading this, know that no matter how many innocent victims you claim or how much innocent blood you shed, I'm still coming for you in the end. That last part out of context means something very different in JeffxJane erotic fan fiction. All of the men and women you so viciously slaughtered and disemboweled, I beat you to it. I killed them not because I hate them, I imagined those victims were you as I took their lives. ''So she kills people before Jeff can so that Jeff can’t kill them? Logic!'' It was the mere vision of you that made me kill them. I never did like you, you greasy-headed, grinning, smug, ignorant son of a bitch. Amen, sister. My black eyes may look like I'm void of vision, but I'm not stupid. Keep telling yourself that. Just remember, the night that you creep into a poor girl's bedroom, I thought Jeff was a killer, not a rapist. you're gonna fall head over heals down the fucking stairs with your guts caught on the broken glass of the window that I smashed you into. Tonight, when I reach you, evil will battle evil, winner kills all, and the only one who will not get out alive is you. ''Question: what will Jane do after Jeff is dead? What else is there for her to do with here life?'' I'm coming for you. Sleep well...

Signed,

Jane the Killer ''That’s not her legal name! Shame on her!''

END RIFF

Umm...what? This story is...interesting. It has a plot hole or five (So did Jeff kill those people, or did Jane do that? And why did she write this note? Did she know Jeff was coming? Did she want the note in the newspapers so that Jeff would be afraid? And whose phone is that? And does Jane the Killer seriously wear body glitter?), isn't very well written, and makes Jane's plan seem rather confusing. So she wants to kill people before Jeff does so that Jeff won't have the satisfaction of killing them? That's kind of dumb. Honestly, this story isn't terrible compared to other Jeff related stuff, but it's not very good.

And seriously, why does Jane the Killer wear body glitter? This just bothers me.

So, what do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you think I was being kind of a dick by calling out MrAngryDog (I didn't intend to be a dick by doing so. I just wanted to point out that he exists, and isn't the best writer)? Do you wish Jane the Killer would kill me? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.