Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20180921153801/@comment-9041013-20180922234023

That's better.

I still don't get what's the point of this overly complicated tutorial which literally could get about 99% of the testers stuck on that stage of the game, realistically speaking. It doesn't check for actual intellegence, nor any physical skills, nor anything. It reads more like a psychological torture device.

Hmm... maybe that's a plot... that could be a good idea, forget I said that. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE

Anyways, what's the actual point of the game, what is this team trying to achieve? other than tormenting the none genius majority of the testers, I don't see much point to the tutorial. Come up with an endgoal for this whole operation and build the game around it. You don't have to think of it too much, let the pratagonist get stuck in the first few levels of the game.

Also, if you're looking for a comfy description for the VR device, how about a machine like the one they used in the Assassin's Creed movie? Something that connects at the base of the person's skull with yours being a pod version of this thing. It is somewhat important because in order to feel and be able to apply motorical function, you need your spinal cord and your brain.

Everything up to the gameplay seems about right now, plotwise.

You do need to reconstruct your paragraphs here and fix some awkward phrasing but first, try to work around the odd gameplay plotpoint.