Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33904527-20190309004843/@comment-9041013-20190309221105

Just a Guy That Likes Creepypastas wrote: Do you check the road even if you know there's no cars coming? Do you save on a game even if you know you just saved 2 seconds ago? Why is the protagonist being cautious seen as an issue here? It seems all you are able to do is criticise very small plot points that do not affect the story in any way.

"Mental breakdowns don't lead to death" Really? Maybe not directly, but you can't convince me that Annie's mental state had no correlation to her death.

Oh and burning out "like you see in the movies". Because movies are 100% of the time completely accurate in their portrayals of death, so pieces of writing therefore must be the exact same. It's almost like making Annie's death "slow and dramatic" makes the story more enjoyable or something.

Also, you've gone from "Annie had no reason to die" to "Annie didn't die in the right way". So what? Like I said, it's not a relevant issue to the story. Annie dies of the reasons listed above, end of story. Literally at the end of the story. It's not unheard of that it is possible to just drop dead. It doesn't spoil anything if Annie dies in a way different to what you wanted. Yeah I do, because cars are really fast and the driving culture here is suicidal. Do I save a game every two minutes, nah. Why is the pratagonist being overly cautious when he concacted and executed a ridiculous plan when he knows he shouldn't be overly cautious? Extra length for the story? It's just pointless.

It's like Annie's death to you has some sort of value to the plot, which it really doesn't, she literally dies an unreal death for no reason. "But women die during child birth" yeah, but death from exhaustion isn't "drop dead" death. If she was shocked to death by the events that's a heart attack or a blood vessel rupturing, which look nothing like her death in your story.

It still stands, there's no point for us to be told Annie died, it doesn't serve anything, what is supposed to to do the reader? make me feel bad for her? no way, her surviving this whole thing would be far worse for her. Shock me with a sudden death? yeah... no... not exactly on par with the rest that's happening here.

Also, do yourself the favor, and find a mental condition that kills people on it's own, not via suicide, not by complications such as organ failure and no neurological conditions...

I have a feeling you came here to be told that this is perfect -

Oh and since you've mentioned it, if a piece of information has no relevance to the story (ei no actual effect on anything), it should not be included for the obvious reasons, unless it's purely artistic/aesthetic.