Talk:The Big Head-O/@comment-27614308-20160116000108

A few minutes ago, I suddenly remembered I review things.

The beginning has something wrong with it (other than the awkward phrasing) that I just can't think of. . . it seems like it's not something that you'd read in the beginning, but something somewhere in the middle. Why did he remember this village? What brought it up? Was there something special about it? Was someone he knew from there? Questions, questions, questions.

"A few years ago I suddenly remembered about a village I once visited. It was a friendly little village I discovered by chance while traveling alone."

The awkward phrasing comes from the random insertion of "about." Omit it, and that sentence is fine. Well, and put a comma after "A few years ago." The second sentence is missing a "that" between "village" and "I." "It was a friendly little village that I discovered by chance while traveling alone."

The character's consistency is. . . bad. It's so bad it doesn't even stay consistent in a single paragraph.

" I have good memory and was pretty confident that I remembered the way to get there."

But before that:

"A few years ago I suddenly remembered about a village I once visited."

And in the sentence right after:

" Once near the village I spotted a familiar sign post from my car; which, if my memory was right, should have read "___ km to __ (the village's name).""

The character's memory isn't good. From what I'm reading, it's spotty and random at best. He also doesn't seem that intelligent -- "Oh, I got a bad feeling! Better go CLOSER to what I've got a bad feeling about!"

And then it turns out that the character actually visited the village of Living Bobblehead Zombies. I'm still looking for a Daniel Bryan one so he can scream "NO" and "YES" at me three times in quick succession.

As for the ending, there's more awkward phrasing and another comma missing that I didn't correct. But, it doesn't really seem to work. It's boiling down to "Spooky scary bobbleheads! But I lived, so there's nothing to worry about!" It kills whatever small horror the story really had.