Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27001634-20150921010436/@comment-17385488-20150926020606

Mosh302 wrote: I merely glanced through it, but there are a few issues that need to be adressed:

- Grammatical: The story is honestly a bit of a wreck gramatically, having issues with punctuation, spelling, and dialogue. Sentence structure is also finnicky, sometimes becoming complex before quickly devolving into simple, shorter sentences again. (Shorter, simple sentences are fine, but there should be a sort of rhythm or pattern between longer, more complex sentences and the shorter ones.) The introductions to the sentences seem to struggle as well, oftentimes being repetitive.

- Formatting: Give or take a few breaks, it's just one giant wall of text. There's plenty of breaks that should be there that just aren't.

- Other: All caps is unnecessary.

Hope this helps. Spelling/Grammar Errors

Adding on to this, you should start a new paragraph (for lack of a better phrase) every time a different character says a line of dialogue. It helps break apart the massive wall of text that you have.

''WHO THE HELL ARE YOU. STSY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIS GRAVE. ARE YOU A GRAVE ROBBER? S-STAY THE HELL AWAY!!!!!".''

All caps is completely unnecessary, stsy should be spelled stay, you do not need multiple exclamation marks to "emphasize" fear, and the period should also be removed because it does not belong (Same goes for all of the other periods/commas at the end of lines of dialogue).

Also, you don't need to add "mwahha" to show that the antagonist was laughing. Try something like this:

"'Well,' he snickered, 'there is one way to get it back'."

There are also numerous run-on sentences. Here's a tip: If you already have a complete thought, DO NOT put a comma at the end of the phrase; add a period and capitalize the next word instead.

Overall

Even if the story is proofread and revised, the story looks nowhere near the Quality Standards because of the story revolving around "Death" (Or the Grim Reaper), which already is a cliché in the horror genre as a whole, not just limited to creepypasta. As it stands, the story needs a massive overhaul before you even have a prayer of getting it past QS and onto the main site.