Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36358996-20180728160817/@comment-24101790-20180728162809

I can see quite a lot of basic errors to start with. You frequently make grammatical errors ("You don't know where you are do you? Well you know your (you're) in a hospital, and your (you're) half right.", "Let(')s talk more about this ocean", etc.) and a majority of your dialogue is missing punctuation.

Speaking of punctuation, there are also a number of instances where you forget to use punctuation properly in sentences: "I struggled to keep my head above the water(.) I saw her, and she was just standing there laughing.", "A nurse walked into the room, and said to me", "He already quit his act, and said to me", "This 'She' you are taking about didn't do this you did"" etc.

Additionally there are a number of homophone errors: "He was an off duty parametric (paramedic) on vacation, and rushed in to save me.", "My roommate is the one who was training to be a parametric.", etc. The wording you use is also awkward at times: "Dr. Howard is tried to fill my head with lies again.", " She used me like a toy just get fun out of, and threw me in the trash like you do with every toy after it gets old.", "Her shield was a lie, and when she decided that the lie was done it all rushed in." etc. I would suggest reading the story aloud to yourself and if you stumble when reading a certain part, then you likely need to revise that section to make it more fluid.

Story issues: Finally, the story feels pretty rushed and the twist comes off like it was shoe-horned into the story. All in all, it really didn't do a good job holding my attention and the numerous errors throughout the story detracted from the overall quality. I would suggest reading the quality standards if you have any other concerns as this review doesn't cover all the mechanical and plot issues that were present in the story.