Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5400198-20160722183409/@comment-24101790-20160722200705

1TWO3Writer wrote:

Addressing the lack of description: I personally hate paragraphs of description. Every time I read a book or a story drowned in that sort of thing, I immediately get turned off reading it. It is more of a personal thing. I do agree that I was a bit too vague, but I just personally desipse overly-descriptive writing. I will try to write more description when I rewrite this story (still up to debate about that).

Addressing the point about being a cooker-cutter story: I will admit that I did only split the story up to make it more unique. The main problem is that I don't have much experience in writing horror. I mainly write sci-fi and fantasy, so stories like such as this one is a brand new experience for me.

Addressing the points about the Shadow Kid (creature name still in progress): This relates to my inexperience to the horror genre so excuse me for using such a generic trope. As for the bit he says, "Stealing, stealing, stealing kills", this is relevant to the character as the Shadow Being was present in my previous Creepypasta "Bloodied Trees and Bright Lights" and said, "Drugs, drugs, drugs kill."

Addressing the point about nameless characters: Again, the reason why I chose this for the story was to make it stand out more from the generic Creepypasta. I really should have had given the characters names, but then again it would not have not made them more relatable. I've never been good with characters so I am not really surprised that this character-driven story was not well recieved.

I'm not advising you to make paragraphs on paragraphs of description, I'm suggesting you avoid basic/generalized descriptions. For example: saying a monster has a demonic voice really doesn't enhance the story as much as saying what made the voice sound demonic. Was it a low, rumble that sounded like the wheezing gasps of a dying engine? Is it high-pitched and grating like nails in your eardrums. Describing arms as branch-like really doesn't build an image as there are multiple types/builds (thick and gnarled, slender and pale, etc.) of branches. Giving a monster black skin and white eyes has been done a lot before. What can you do to make the creature seem distinct and separate from other stories.

"As for the bit he says, 'Stealing, stealing, stealing kills', this is relevant to the character as the Shadow Being was present in my previous Creepypasta "Bloodied Trees and Bright Lights" and said, 'Drugs, drugs, drugs kill.'" It may be an homage/allusion of sorts, but there needs to be more connecting them as the line really comes out of no where and doesn't really have much connection to the story itself. What did the man do to trigger that line after killing his surrogate son?

"Addressing the point about nameless characters: Again, the reason why I chose this for the story was to make it stand out more from the generic Creepypasta." The issue is that not naming characters actually lends to the generic nature of the story. If the characters aren't named, then they come off like stock-characters that are lacking a personality which really doesn't contribute to a fresh plot.