Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24381191-20140627105357/@comment-25114042-20140702041643

Very very long. I couldn't read it all, lol. XD

But I skimmed through it, and from what I read, it was actually pretty good!

As Rinskuro already pointed out, it could use a wider range of vocabulary. Try using a thesaurus to look up synonyms for words you feel you have to use more than twice in one paragraph (with the acceptions of words like 'and' and 'the'). The comma thing Rin commented about is also very useful. Overall, great! If you want it to read more like a journal, capitalize "DAY ---" and make it bold.

A thing you could've done was write the time of day. EXAMPLE:

---

DAY 23

3:06 PM

Today's been rough. I couldn't find firewood, so we had to improvise with a some moss and Johnnie's jacket. [...]

---

And you can also use "---" to indicate a new page.

That's about it, everything else was great. I love the premise. :D