Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5614678-20170626125502/@comment-5614678-20170701014415

The third (and hopefully final) major revision of the story. Combined the second and third paragraphs, added a new one that hopefully establishes tone/mood better. Decided to keep Jim and take an axe to their complex backstories - because you're only gonna know them for five minutes anyway. Maybe I'll revisit these boys in greater detail in another story.

I proofread it and fed it through two spelling/grammar checkers. Hopefully I caught all the little gremlins hiding between the paragraphs, but they love to pop out where I least expect them.