Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25809221-20160313071129/@comment-24859608-20160318183338

EmpyrealInvective wrote: I didn't notice too many errors here, but there are some small ones: "I’ve reconnected with family that had long since excommunicated me, (comma not really needed) too." (Excommunication is typically when someone is barred from Christian rights. Disowned, forsaken, or abandoned might work better in context), "I started paying rent for the months I’ve (I think "I'd" works better in the context) spent bumming on his couch."

Here are a few areas in the story that can be improved on. "I refuse to take any painkillers, though. I don’t trust them. I can’t trust them." (Elaborating that he's afraid of falling back into his addiction might help the audience understand his actions and relate.) The needles in the arm scene could also use a bit more of a visceral feel/description to drive home the horror of the scenario. You can also go into the physical symptoms of withdrawal to drive home how miserable he is during those four weeks.

Other than that, I think you have a good story here. There's a good amount of description and you try to make the protagonist's actions relatable/understandable. I only have a few small issues (what I pointed out above), but I think this story would make a good addition to the site. You beat me to it, my friend.