Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25226916-20150614002507/@comment-25170312-20150614200359

My main suggestion is to work on the descriptions. Example: the first paragraph uses "perfect" too many times. I think this pasta would benefit from more metaphorical descriptions, rather than just using common adjectives.

The whole anti-angel thing is kind of glossed over. At first I was like, "Huh?" and started thinking this was going to be some kind of OC pasta. I googled it and apparantly there's a manga. Is this supposed to be based on that, or is it a coincidence?

I'm a little confused by the ending. Did the protagonist kill themselves and not realize? Or did they kill the daughter? Or both? What did the anti-angel mean by "it'll all come to the light that doesn't exist anymore"? Not that you should make it obvious, but the wording needs to be just a tad clearer. That's all for now!