Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25308679-20160704223755/@comment-28420405-20160705130026

I liked this story! It was pretty well written. There are some places to clean up, but it's nothing that a second draft won't fix. Here are some of the more glaring errors I was able to pick out:

- "Doppelgangers are a part of the hidden history natures mixes with the supernatural." - This is a bit awkward. I would consider rewriting the sentence. Perhaps "Doppelgangers are a part of the hidden history (that) nature mixes with the supernatural"

- "What she hadn’t counted on what a particular ability humans possess – even while sleeping, they can still sense when others are watching them" - this is also somewhat awkward or seems like an extra word is in there somewhere. I think the second "what" should be "was" and adding the word "that" after the word "ability ("What she hadn't counted on was a particular ability that humans possess")

- "It could have been used in the past as a way to protect mankind from predators, but nothing is so certain." --This seems like an unnecessary add. It doesn't seem to add any creepiness and it just sort of bothers me, but that's my own opinion.

- "Would this creature, this thing, bring her misfortune? Death? Did it count as a double when it didn’t look like you?" - This is just my opinion, but I think it was a bit of a leap to assume the figure in the mirror was a double. Granted, I know that was what the "project" was about, but maybe adding some more context in the middle will make this lead more believable.

All in all, I think this was pretty well written. I tend to write on the longer side, so I think I'll always suggest to add a little more context to a story.

As for historical references, those could work well, but honestly I think your tidbit on Abraham Lincoln should suffice. Instead of adding more historical references, I would expand upon the protagonists' experiences with the project. I would add some more "feeling" to the story to better put the reader in the main character's shoes. This will enhance the creepy factor and make the reader feel more invested when you give us the twist at the end.

These are just my opinions. I believe that with a little more work this could be a great story. I think this would be a great addition to the wiki after some touching up.

Please note, I'm not a moderator, these are just my opinions. I suggest waiting for some more feedback before taking anything I say as set in stone.