Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31532017-20161130072138/@comment-25941663-20161209115348

"with but overtime I've come" - I believe 'overtime' is two words in this case, 'over time'.

"it won't the kill them" - Remove the 'the'.

---

This is an interesting concept, but it is very hard to pull off. Usually these kind of stories need a revelatation twist at the end. Here we do not get that. I'm not saying you need a twist, but I believe in this case it would work better. This is an idea I had:

After the writer says "let's get back to work", I suggest you don't actually have him continue his story. Maybe write about the original idea you had, where the writer is a fictional character in someone else's story. So, the last section would be the writer of the writer going on in a similar vein to your original work. It doesn't have to be a long section, in fact it would be better if it was short.

This will elevate the story in my opinion and it becomes even better at the introspective/philosophical idea of your original story. Because it separates the story into distinct layers. The first section is the work of the human writer, the section is the human writer talking, then the last one is the "god" writer talking. If you want to be a little extra cheeky, have the god god writer point out that layer system as nonchalantly as possible to really drive home the point.

Grammatically this was sound and the prose flowed smoothly. The only line I found a bit unnatural was this:

"as it's exciting as watching porn" - This sentence should actually be "as it's as exciting as watching porn", if you want to be correct, but it is even more awkward. I suggest playing around with the sentence to make it work.