Creepypasta Wiki talk:Deleted Page/Jeff the Killer/@comment-24103274-20131028124614

Firsts of, let me say that I love Jeff's design. He looks creepy as hell, and I'd be terrified to meet him at night. Or to meet him at all.

But when it comes to this story, I'm not so impressed. I've been looking forward to read this, since I've heard so much about it, but unfortunately I was rather disappointed.

First off, in the beggining it's said that a young boy bravely tells his story, I don't know how young this boy was, but I don't find it believeable that he told his story like that. A young boy probably wouldn't tell the story in such detail, but rather shorter and in a more... childlike fashion. I think that there are some words a young boy wouldn't use. I can understand if the story was rewritten by an older person after hearing the young boy's story, but I don't believe that these are the words of a young boy. He would probably exaggerate in the description of Jeff's face and would have made him even scarier than he is.

When it comes to Jeff's story, I find it hard to believe 12 and 13 year olds behave like that. The scene at the birthday party is a cool action sequence, but I don't think it fits in a creepypasta. It's a cheap way to get Jeff's mind to snap. I think it should be less physical and rather have Randy and his gang fucking with Jeff's mind instead. It's strange that two kids with guns can hold of a whole birthday party with grown ups all over, and nobody tries to do anything to protect their kids.

The story has a lot of good descriptions, though. The description of Jeff's face. What it feels and looks like. I also like Jeff and Liu's relationship. It seems like they love eachother, one backing up the other when they're in trouble. So I wish Jeff didn't kill his brother in the end, because I don't think he would. I don't see the reason for it, other than he's gone insane. And even so, I still think the bond with his brother would be strong enough to keep Jeff from killing him.

I don't find much horror in this story. The scariest part is when the young boy tells his story. And I don't find that part truly scary either. This story has a potential to be scary, but I feel like I'm reading a first draft, rather than a finished story.

UNLESS IT'S TRUE OF COURSE. DUN DUN DUN

3/10.