User:SOBERgamzeeHoNk

"Eternity"
Ive had depression for a while now. Ever since I was around 7. My mom being very educationally demandngg and my dad always wanting a son that was a star football player and all that crap. It turns out one wasntt enough. But anyway I was also bullied a lot in school. I was never as academically "intelligent" as the other kids like in math, though I could speak in correct grammar, spell more words correctly, read faster and basically out smart most them. But anyways, heh shit getting off topic here. not only did I have night terrors but I had apeirophobia, the fear of eternity. now I was and still am christian, slowly losing faith, but nontheless christian.

the kind of night terrors I had where different compared to the cliche monsters unerr the bed shit. Mine if you can guess where of eternity. But not just that... When I had these dreams I would be standing in a dark room, so dark i couldntt see my own hands in front of me through the silk layer of darkness. I always heard evil laughter behind me. Being 7 all I could do was stand there and cry. Its not surprising that I have insomnia now. Well i havnt't had a dream like that until just recently despite not having them for 7 years. I fell asleep and almost instantly I felt the darkness suround me and start to suffocate me. then the darkens turned from darkness into my home. I was in my basement. I had some of the fondest memories of my life here, thats pretty pathetic but itss true. I developed my addiction to things like homestuck, doctor who, sherlock, and all that great stuff here. I made my way upstairs. When I was in my living room I heard a soft crying. I turned the corner to see my mom weeping on the couch. I quickly asked what was wrong. She turned at my and said "why? Why did you leave us like that?! That is so selfish! Why?! Why?! " what are you talking about mom?!" I shouted. "Im right here" "no" she said in a calm voice. "You're gone". i was left with confusion and sadness as she and the house disappeared. I was suddenly in a field. I turned to see... To see a funeral taking place.

I quickly ran up to the loved ones grieving over a death to see that I wasntt with them... Why wasn't I with them? I slowly walked up to the coffin realizing why I wasntt there. In the coffin lay my lifeless body. I fell to my knees. As I stood back up everything was gone. But I felt something in my hand Lifted It up to see a piece of paper in my hand, it read "cause of death: consumtionn of high doses of melatonin, "suicide" there it was. Right before my very eyes was the confirmation of my suicide. The one I had been contemplating for most of my pathetic life. Then that too disappeared. I heard the laughter again. But this time instead of standing there and crying I yelled back. "FUCK YOU" immediately stopped. Then it yelled "DO IT, DO IT, JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY!! I woke up.... I felt a sharp pain in my neck. I turned my head to see a knife in my hand pointed at my neck. I quickly threw the knife and backed up into my bed. The next month or so only got worse. On top of dwelling on the dream my parents finalized there divorce, the girl I was in love with told me she was into girls more than guys, I was bullied even more for being so secluded, I had basically no life and I had to endure it alone...for eternity. So thatss why imm writing this. Thatss what people do right? leave a note....