Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34080568-20180108235507/@comment-34269289-20180109182814

Spelling is good and your first sentence does a good job in grabbing the reader's attention, but this story isn't really all that scary. I would suggest taking the time to really bring personality into the Butterfly Man. The story is too short and straight to the point that it gets confusing. Your paragraph titles can be misleading too. Change the title "Blood Bath" to something that fits the paragraph more. That name would fit if there was an actual blood bath occuring. The ending doesn't make a lot of sense. Saying that the Butterfly Man pretended to be your friend and your proof is that it hugged you tight enough to break your legs doesn't add up. You need more proof of it actually being villainous and evil. Maybe you watched it lure someone into the forest and kill them. Something along those lines. It's not a bad story at all. In fact, it is an interesting one. You just need to take the time to write out a good story that goes into detail on everything. Keep in mind questions like, "What does the Butterfly Man look like? Why do you feel that it broke your trust?" This story has good potential. Just flesh it out a little bit.