Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180916191751/@comment-26444017-20180917050537

It's a solid start. I remember hearing about this idea you had way back when the collab was still just a concept. Not sure if it's a creepypasta yet, but you still have a ways to go with it.

As for this particular section, it's very bare, and feels rushed. Take a minute and ask yourself how this conversation would really happen. You come across a human sized, possibly demonic, talking shiba inu who wants to talk riddles, send you through memories, and will kill you on failure. You're gonna have a shitload of questions XD.

And on that note, the whole 'I'll kill you if you answer wrong' thing just seems lazy. I can think of things far worse than death that the devil-dog could do. Take the collab, for example. The gatekeper there doesn't just kill those who fail, he steals their bodies. Couple that up with, all the participants do so voluntarily, while it seems like the protagonist here is forced into it.

But that's all plot stuff. The biggest issue is how little there is here. Don't worry about making a story too long. Instead, worry that it isn't descriptive enough, or that things don't make sense. Those are the things that will stick with a reader.