User blog:Pdegan/that damn cartridge

It was one of those days at school that makes you burnt out inside for days to come... It was one of those days where everyone with the capability to piss you off gets together to do their best to bring you one step closer to an aneurysm. On top of that, i had enough homework for a week. Christ! Does everyone going to or teaching school just want to piss me off today? German, math, and Photography was more than fucking enough you think?

The first thing I should have done once i got home was begin on my mountain of homework. In retrospect, doing so might have prevented this whole thing from happening... my life would have been a lot better off, or maybe these events were inevitable. The first thing i did was check my Facebook. I then proceeded to pop one of my favorite games in my Nintendo 64: Super Mario 64! That game was my heart, my soul, and the wind beneath my wings... Okay, that was total exaggeration but seriously, I loved that game. I popped my copy in and... Tragedy struck... The game bogged out and never came back. At that moment, i realized that the human dictionary does not have a word for how utterly, and completely livid i was... i began shaking, turning red, and finally just unleashing a barrage of swears. That didn't help... I didn't expect it to though.

I eventually calmed down and began searching Ebay. That made me a little bit more mad. 400 fucking dollars for a new copy?!? Why would i pay $400 if all i need is a working copy? I gave up. I just half-assedly did my homework and passed out of the couch.

I was awoken roughly two or three hours later by the sound of my father coming through the door trudging around in his heavy work boots to the living room, slightly inebriated. I got up and awoke my computer now on sleep. On my Ebay account, I had recieved a message

"Hello Pdegan720 I noticed you were looking for a copy of Super Mario 64. I would be glad to sell you a reproduction cart for a fair price. What my associates and I do is make virtual cookie cutter versions of classic Nintendo, Super Nintendo, and Nintendo 64 games. I can sell you a Reproduction cart of this game for $10. The game works fine and gameplay is identical. you may notice minor graphical differences but the controls, levels and story are exactly the same."

Afterwards, he gave contact information and a link to a couple of sites proving their legitimacy. I felt good about it, plus $10 was a steal. I bought the game and was told it would be coming in 3-5 work days.

Soon enough, it came. $10 of heaven in a small gray rectangle. I popped it in, turned it on and sure enough, the gameplay was the same. The graphics were a bit worse than the original but i was warned of this so its no big deal.

I got to Bob-Omb Battlefield. Once i got another star i just jumped back in and completed the next task to obtain another star one after another. Soon i turned around to do another level and i saw something that made me paralyze with fear and drop the controller. The walls were smeared with blood and the bodies of toads were everywhere... Mario wouldn't move. Rocking the joystick in every direction did nothing. There was no music. For roughly 3 minutes it was silence until mario got on his knees and threw up all over the floor, then more silence. The door rapidly ripped itself open open and mario ventured in. Note I said Mario went in. I wasn't touching the controller. I would have turned this cartridge from hell off, burn it, ask my mom if i could work for her to make $10 and forget this all happened. I was going to until i saw something that made me jump and my stomach churn. The view on the TV screen was... horrible. There's no way to describe it. I say that not because i lack the vocabulary, but because I couldn't make odds and evens of it. Mario was on a little, twisted protrusion of land raising a good 500-600 feet from the murky, brown muck below. There were a couple of trails leading to a huge land mass far away. I don't know how to describe it... It was just a tangled mess of growth slowly consuming a barn or something like that. This doesn't sound very scary but there's one problem... I have seen this exact design in a nightmare before. It was exactly this: same rotten house, same decrepit foliage, same feeling in my gut that i'm going to die. I stood there awestruck until mario turned around and said in a deep, unsettling voice

"What's the matter Phillip? stop being such a fucking pussy!" It knew my name. My stomach churned and thrashed violently and i had to run to the bathroom to puke my guts out. I had nearly passed out. I just sat there waiting. Breathing deeply. Little by little, I heard a noise slowly augment in sound. Very slowly creeping to a higher and higher level of sound. I reemembered the unsettling voice Mario spoke to me in as I heard the very same voice letting out a very ominous laugh. He didn't stop. That bastard didn't stop.

"You've scarred me for life! Why aren't you satisfied you sick bastard?" I said with tears streaming down my face. It obviously wasn't satisfied. I stepped out to turn that damned cartridge off to let it rot in my subconsious. Mario persisted with his demented cackling staring at a wall... Written in blood was something scarier than anything I'd encountered in this sick game. It read Du bist tote wo du melded. it translates roughly out to you are dead where you stand... In german. How did it know i spoke German? It was one thing to know my name was Phillip, but there was no concievable way one could get their hands on information like this. I turned the game off, ripped it out of its snug little cradle violently, and went up stairs to explain everything to my mom and dad. My knees buckled when i saw that no one was home. Not even my dog. Oh they're out... They're at work... They took the dog to the vet... Yeah that explains why they're gone and my dog is too.... well they'll get back, i'll explain what happened and it'll all work out. So I took a seat and waited... A single tear came from my face. I couldn't fool myself......