Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5813834-20140702153906/@comment-25112831-20140702161433

weeeeeeeeelllllllll............ the dream line can be a little cliche sometimes but I think what you've done with it is actually quite nice so I think you could actually get away with that one this time! XD It isn't badly written either, the odd punctuation/spelling error but nothing noticable or major, just little things to look out for! xx If I was to give any constructive criticism it would be to try and build tension a little bit more... What can he smell? Feel on the ground/his clothes/around him? How does he feel (emotion/physical shivers etc.)? How does the air taste? Is it heavy/light? Maybe go into even more detailed description about what you can see. Give every little detail but don't over do it, to much can be a bit of a mouthful or can ramble on a bit. Just get in lots of detail, it doesn't matter if its a little bit longer. xx Over all, I still think it's pretty awesome and should turn out really great!!! Maybe just a few things to tweek though! xx Have fun with that, hope it's helpful xx :P