Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32686563-20190625122426/@comment-9041013-20190625232905

Honestly this feels like a philosphical "story" someone from 5th Century BCE China would've written. It's interesting, but it's far more confusing than it is scary. It just doesn't tell us anything clear enough... You are kind of describing what is life from the point of view of a human like being in a very sterile way. It's not scary. It does the opposite. I tries to not scare anyone with the contents.

The ending doesn't help it, I've read most of the story trying to figure out why is it a Creepypasta and what's the point of anything in the plot (as in, why is the narrator sharing his story, whats are his motivations etc etc) and now you're suddenly telling me that it's a post apocalypic world where there's only a robotic being that holds the key to the information about the pre-apocalyptic world and why it doesn't change anything drastically. It's just too late in the story to work.

You give me nothing to hook me with and then suddenly expect me to catch the bait while it's really just kind of there... on the other side of the pond that is the plot.

You need to find a way to spark the readers' interest in this, first and foremost, most of this isn't for everyone to go through.