Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26251513-20150328004535/@comment-24101790-20150328041737

TheMajorAlex wrote: Short answer: no.

You should really expand on this concept, like maybe make the girls be everywhere that the family goes or something. Develop the story more.

Also, don't say things such as "old time" clothes. Describe the clothes, maybe mention they're torn or something.

You should also really work on your grammar skills. You have inconsistent tenses throughout your story, which means one sentence might be in the present tense while the next one is in the past tense. This is a no-no for writers. Only change the tense if a character is speaking in a different tense.

^ This. There are also punctuation/formatting, spacing/story issues. If it were uploaded in its current form, it would most likely be deleted.