Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32220947-20151121003445/@comment-26425680-20151122021008

Aside from some odd phrasing, your writing is good. However the story itself isn't all that creepy. To use a food analogy, your over-descriptivness is a lot like a high calorie food that tastes good in the moment, but lacks any sort of real sustenance. Nice try, but I really can't embrace this one, as the thoughts it puts in my head aren't really scary.