Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20180903225131/@comment-9041013-20180904111215

It's a cute story, though it pretty much reads like a History class summery on the 20th century some grade schooler made with a commentary from their younger sibling. It's not scary, at all.

The simulation thing isn't really scary either because again, it's not a person inside realising that and flipping out... it's an outside thing so we've seen a bunch of those.

Maybe go for describing some big bloody event from a War of the past century or some contreversial event and then add around various points like "I did XYZ and it came to this and ZYX" etc. Give us something to feel for, because this is, well, can't empathize to a history book text.

Good luck to you