Talk:Smile Pretty for Me/@comment-9041013-20160409184521

Well I must note that youre story does follow the Jeff-the-killer formula almost perfectly, however this one's actually pretty entertaining to say the least. I mean I've had some things that bothered me in your story, for example, The scene of the fight. In stead of using "she blacked out" and a somewhat supernatural description of early symptoms of the Joker's mental state of mind (this general "insanity" that appears so frequently in modern horror) you could've used some more realistic depiction of the fight or flight response that Chelsea was obviously expiriencing there. Could've described her as being in a kind of mind switched off state, not thinking straight, being guided only by insticts to an extreme level etc. Another issue I had with the story is Chelsea dying from a Chelsea's grin torture... yeah, it's simply to mame a person - not ever kill, it's pretty much impossible to die from blood loss due to this torture without anticoagulant.

On the other hand, you've never specified that she had died, I mean, she's the Michael Myers type of "Evil" doing supernatural things without being actually supernatural in which case the way you depict everyone reacting makes it much cooler for me (Honestly if it doesn't sit up to you that she's alive and does kinda supernatural ghost related stuff, go watch the Halloween series and read the frenchises crew's opinions on Michael in wikipedia)

One thing I take positively from your Jeff-The-Killer formula style of writing is the fact that Chelsea doesnt fit into the Jeff-The-Killer antagonist's psychological profile exactly, while she has a bout of blankout for violence like Jeff it could easily be written off as a fight or flight response, she does avange her offenders but who wouldn't and she doesnt randomly murder people for fun - she has a somewhat admirable reason for that. So what if it takes off a bit from the scare factor? We love to love our villains, like Jason's Voorhees revange per justice motif of murder, or the Joker's realistic view on things. So you've made a good point for your story with this.

Usually I find these kind of pastas bad, but yours is an acception, cheers to you!

8.5/10