Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27857924-20160301004629/@comment-27838637-20160301012734

The concept is pretty amazing; very well thought out and original.

Obviously, as with most time travel stories, there are some confusing plot elements and themes. However, because I found the story itself compelling, I was able to suspend my disbelief and look past the confusing mechanics of the time pack. It also makes sense that the mechanics of the time pack are left out of the story, as there is a good chance that the narrator would not know the specifics.

I found the fact that the time packs, with so much potential to do bad, were released to the general public so early. Maybe if you fleshed this out a little more the story would be more realistic and intriguing. (Perhaps a license is needed, where you must pass a trial and psych eveluation to ensure that you aren't a sociopath. This would make sense too as there would be individuals who would change dramatically when acquiring such power in the device)

After all the terrible news surroundinf the Time Packs, F ound it extrememly unrealistic that the father would buy one for his child. (This can be avoided easily. Perhaps the mother is divorced from the father, and brought the Time Pack for her son not caring much for the fathers opinion of them)

Other than that, the structure is a problem, but that can be fixed easily. A little more refining in some of the sentences willl go a long way too; just shortening longer sentences and adding a little more punctuation.

I hope to see the finished product soon.

A_O.