Talk:Anne's Diner/@comment-5733573-20180723032040

I found this when I decided to do a random search for stories that had the name "Anne" in the title. I'm  glad I did. :-)

This story is fun and very creepy. Your descriptions are deliciously vivid and really pull the reader into the scene.

Where I think this story could improve is on the sentence level. You have a tendency to weaken your verbs. For instance "Anne started to shriek" is much weaker than "Anne shrieked." Also, you have a lot of sentences in a row that begin with the same word. Fixing these two things will go a long way toward making your story smoother. One thing I would recommend is reading this out loud to yourself or running through a TTS website. That will give you a sense of where the awkward parts are.

Overall, I enjoyed your story and I was happy to randomly stumble across it.