Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33803324-20191017132724

The intention behind this opening page is to describe the relationship between the protagonist/narrator and his friend - who will later become the tale's antagonist; I essentially want some opinions on whether or not this acts as a good introduction, without revealing too much to the reader where the story is headed (yet).

'''“C’mon man, you’ve gotta check this out,” my flatmate called to me from across our cramped apartment, “this is some real freaky shit.” I peered down the short hallway toward his bedroom after palming a small handful of chips from the cupboard. I could see him hunched over his desktop monitor through the open doorway, his form silhouetted by some unhealthy blue-grey glow. I chuckled slightly as I stuffed several triangle-shaped snacks into my maw, likening the image of my friend to some strange goblin crouching over a terrified child.'''

'''“What is it now?” I mumbled light-heartedly, trying to pry cheese-flavored crumbs away from my teeth with an orange-stained tongue. This was the third time within the hour that he had tried to grab my attention, and I was quickly growing bored with such a routine. He broke his gaze away from the back-lit screen he sat in front of, turning slightly to meet my own eyes.'''

'''“Look at this,” he replied excitedly, his hand reflexively gesturing toward a still snapshot that sat upon the display. He leaned further backward in his chair, allowing my own gaze to meet the silent motions of a strange woman within the frame of his computer. The scene wasn’t unmoving as I had originally assumed; instead, the background sat unchanging as the frail figure stared forward blankly - her only action taken to blink every few seconds as if on a loop.'''

'''“What of it?” I managed to stammer, my eyes still fixed to the woman’s pale face. There was something oddly disturbing about the short video that I couldn’t quite place my finger on; perhaps it was the way the darkened background made her frame stand-out more than usual. Instead, it could have been the manner in which her jet-black hair ringed her face, outlining her jawline and drawing your attention directly into her eyes.'''

“Do you realize what this is, dude‽” He somehow expelled all of his excitement in one breath as he strained to sit upright once more.

“I honestly don’t know - some kind of creepy GIF you found on Reddit?” I raised an eyebrow in amusement, in an attempt to cover my confusion.

'“No, dude.” He scoffed, shaking his head and shooting me a look as if to say, ‘You know I only go on that website to fuel my porn habit.’'' He sighed somewhat heavily, then allowed his enthusiasm for the situation to take hold once more. “This is the bad side of the internet.”'''

“What, like that weird part of YouTube you get to when you watch videos for too long?” I smirked cheekily, trying my best to make light of his serious tone.

'''“This is serious - the dark web. Freakin’ Onionland, man.” An eery smile crept across his face as the words spilled from his mouth, his eyes soon scanning for a button to close the webpage.'''

“Isn’t that where edgy teenagers go to order drugs and pretend to be hitmen or something?” I realized as I spoke that I knew next to nothing about the darknet, save for the information that I had inadvertently gathered from several horror stories that I read or listened to online.

'''“Honestly, you’re not far off,” he chuckled in response. His cursor finally found the tiny “X” hidden in the corner of the video, revealing behind it a website that almost resembled Wikipedia. ...'''

Let me know what you think - honest criticisms are welcome! I know it's not a complete story, but I would like to revise this section first if necessary.  