Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32764586-20180118231753/@comment-25458443-20180123122308

I agree with lava entity.

It could be more interesting if, shocker, something more interesting happened. Like, if you want my advice, make it weird. Maybe he reaches throw the cushions and feels like, incredibly cold salt water, as if its the ocean, then pulls up the cushions and theres nothing that could have induced that feeling.

Even with the premise it already has its just not written super great? Micro fiction is great, and your idea is fitting for it, but I feel like it could be executed better. As it stands right now you're basically just directly flatly stating what happened. "I dropped my remote in the couch cushions and went in to find it but didnt feel anything and then i feel a hand."

If you wanna stick with him feeling like clammy hand, I think I'd have him just graze it, like bump and feel it, as opposed to the hand GRABBING HIM AAH cuz idk with such a short buildup you didnt really earn that "oh no im spooked" moment. I mean micropastas are too short for that I feel, especially one as short as this. All you need to do -- all you CAN do -- is present an eery idea and than run away to leave the reader in a dark room, so they can just *think* about the eery idea.

Him just feeling the hand down there, silently feeling it for a little too long and then realizing its a hand, thats almost creepy than it GRABBING HIM AND SUCKING HIM INTO THE SCARY WORLD OF COUCH-LAND, BOOOOOO

I haven't written any micropastas other than "Error" so take my advice with a grain of salt.