Thread:TheKillerCat/@comment-10950063-20140224195341

First, your grammar is very bad. I see that English isn't your first language. That's okay, but you need to ask someone for help BEFORE you post your story. Once it's on the site, it's subject to quality standards. That's just our rules. There's also a lot of typos and you don't format dialogue correctly.

That alone is enough to get it deleted.

Your story isn't particularly well told. There's a lot of things you don't set up and that come out of no where. Why did Lou's dad hit him at the beginning? Lou's dad has a laboratory? Lou's dad in general just makes no sense and isn't built up to at all. He's barely even mentioned until he's suddenly insane. There's other stuff that's nonsensical or unclear. Like. . . I thought the black make-up was permanently around his eyes, but later he has to put it back on. Somehow Lou manages to kidnap and tie up three people without any of them waking up. Steel seems to be incredibly flimsy in this world.

You keep saying your story isn't Jeff inspired, but that's clearly what it is.

-Teenaged kid is burned, turning his skin a different color(s). I think. Again, this is extremely unclear.

-Is bullied in school

-Lou doesn't just have a catchphase, but it's a catchphrase that is related to sleep.

That's really enough. A lot of stories have people being bullied, but when you throw in the catchphrase and the skin stuff, it's close enough to Jeff. 