Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28961785-20160708033729/@comment-24101790-20160708035831

Starting with the basics, please don't indent lines. You did that on your first post and it turned everything into white boxes. While I read the story in editor mode to fully read it, it's still a problem that needs to be corrected. Additionally, please use source mode when added content as this line of coding appears on all of your text: " Oh please, don't fall off the--you'll get dirt on the carpet. Sorry, I can't hear you when you mumble so. Oh, I see. What am I doing? Getting my coat. I think I'm going to take a walk. ". While neither of those factor into a story's deletion, they're still important to learn if you're planning on posting other stories.

While there weren't too many mechanical issues, which is refreshing, there were the story issues. The big issue is its similarities to numerous other stories. That Wasn't Black Tea You Were Drinking, Butterfly, and Poisonous are the few that come to mind. The first two involve a fairly similar premise of a fairly normal conversation taking a turn where it's revealed that one of the people is unstable. It's a premise that gets covered quite a bit. If I had more time, I could look up some better examples, but for now those will have to do to explain that the premise has been used quite a bit.

Additionally there is the issue that the protagonist is inviting police into their house. ("I meant the police when I said you, of course.") Why exactly are police responding to ads in the paper and not formal complaints/reports in the first place? Additionally if an officer was investigating and they turned up missing, wouldn't the protagonist be giving themselves away by involving them. If a cop goes out to investigate a complaint and suddenly turns up missing with the suspect's house being the last known place, wouldn't that cast a lot of light on them? Even if they dispose of the bodies, they still likely have the sedative on them.

In the end, this story's similarities to other creepypastas and the plot issues really weaken the overall quality of the story.