Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24694643-20140702225405/@comment-24381191-20140703205437

A dystopian future after World War 3. Teenagers surviving day to day and one guy struggles to forgive another for killing his dad. Seems like an awesome story. Heck, even Suggested Reading worthy.

Why doesn't it work? Because there's hardly any detail. The initial thing that pulled me into the story was to know what Anarchia looked like. You didn't give any indication to that except for the sinkhole. It kinda took me out of the story. Also, there's two plotholes, one scene the old guy can hear perfectly, the next, he's all, "i'm a little deaf."

Why are the Groupers (or is it Gropers?) turning people into mutant freaks, and how do you not know what a mutant is. The mutants should also have like sores, and rashes and stuff on their skin. Maybe they should still have some humanity.

I'mm not gonna comment on what others pointed out in the last thread.

This story has alot of potential, but right now, I just don't see it.