Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26112985-20150824015825/@comment-26112985-20150824204258

SoPretentious wrote: Ctrl+f to find these sections automatically.

"warmth that only you’re (your) daughter can bring to you"

" “Didn’t he say that last night?” I asked her. “Well yeah, but tonight he said it again.” " (two speakers in the same paragraph).

"without it in hand(')s reach for this"

"You are being absolutely ridiculous, Scott" (thoughts should have italics).

" theses (these) unfortunate events had occurred"

"I had always though (thought) beautiful with"

"All I really did know about them were (was)"

"the fact that they’re (their) kids were"

"and despite the Excellency (should be lowercase)".

"When it is exactly Ten O’clock ("ten" and "o" should be lowercase)".

"This is something Extra Terrestrial ("Extra" and "Terrestrial" should be lowercase)".

"As if someone were (was) forcing"

"I yelled as loud as I could, (should be a colon if the quote is in the next paragraph)".

There isn't much to critique on the storyline. Maybe it could be made better by adding something about the entity specifically that makes it more daunting. There was the ripped fingernail, and the kidnapping(s), but something else might add to the suspense. They feel a bit amorphous. Thanks so much for taking the time to look over this pasta! I will most certainly fixed the grammatical errors that you noticed.

I wanted the entity in this pasta to never be seen too clearly (if that makes much sense), but I'm sure I can dream something up to add some suspense in.

Thanks again!