Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35817505-20181129015306/@comment-36627132-20181129033816

Spelling and Grammar Issues: First off, when you're doing poetry paragraphs should be seperated at rhymes. For example "Three little girls, Sat on a wall, One fell off, And had a great fall" should be

"Three little girls, Sat on a wall, One fell off, And had a great fall"

Spelling and Grammar Issues Continued: There is quite a few grammar issues. There are quite a few capitalization issues: some words are unnecessarily capitalizaed, and some words (i.e. the first O in "oh dear, oh dear, where is my sight") need to be capitalized.

Plot Issues: VIolence does not necessarily mean "creepy", especially when the violence is pointless. Having the main characters sit on a wall is reminiscent of Humpty Dumpty which makes it even less creepy (at least in my opinion). The little girls die, yet you say they lost their sight, hearing, and voice. Being dead, they've lost those anyway.

Plot Issues Continued: The deaths are unrealistic and unbelievable. First of all, where were they that there were sharp, rusty pipes withing inches of them? A gunshot cannot "break" someone's ears, and unlikely to defean someone with average hearing. As for the final death, it would take a lot for a tree branch to slash someone's throat.

Plot Issues Continued: You say that the girl who has lost her sight will hunt you if you make a sound. It's pretty hard to be scared of someone who cannot even see you. On the second to last paragraph you say "But surely not dead." Then why did you say they died? If they are zombies or ghosts or whatever then they are undead. Then at the Very end you said "For the little girls do know, What senses they've all lost." when apparently they do know.