Talk:The Nanny of Ellie Boyce/@comment-25052433-20140907171927

This was well written grammatically and delivered well in a quite a few areas. Let's take a closer look and review.

-You developed your characters very well. I felt like I knew these people during this story, well done.

-You found that balance while using gore. You didn't go over the top, yet you also successfully described the incidents in nail biting detail.

-The ending felt jumbled though. Carly killed the baby, Ellen came home and discovered this scene and attacked Carly. I got all that. However, you say that Carly was taken away after David called the police.

'Taken away' is a common term for being taken to jail. So, it seemed logical that Carly would be arrested for killing the baby. However, you immediately jump to her being pregnant and dying, and end the story saying Ellen was released on her charges.

-So which is it? Who went to jail? If Carly went to jail, as most of us would assume she would, how does the next paragraph jump right to her being pregnant. What happened to her during her jail time? What was the outcome of the investigation?

-If Ellen when to jail, that needs to be explained. Was she charged with the baby's murder? Did her husband not defend her?

Those things need to be clarified. Other than that, this was a good story.