Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20170819212316/@comment-4893169-20170823224417

Raidra wrote''I enjoyed the descriptions of fear (as well as the house) and thought you did a good job filling in the background (Natalie's reflections were brief, yet told the readers what they need to know). The part about the underwear made me think of that Drew Carey episode in which Drew crashed a party and asked, "Who wants to see me turn my boxers into a thong?" This story shows that if you go on a ghost hunt/urban exploration trek, you should do your research first (since apparently only Natalie knew about the curse and murder) and not bring along any bratty friends. I do have a question, though. Apparently Natalie is being attacked at home (because her family is being killed), so why does she chew out the other members of the party and say they're on their own? That makes it sound like she's at the haunted house and not at her own house.''

Thank you so much for taking the time to spot further editing issues. Do you think I should change it so she's trapped inside the haunted house and not her house? Because that would make more sense with her mentally chewing out the other members of the exploring party.