Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26512885-20150807020400/@comment-26875863-20150812205457

I decided that I would do some reviewing while I wait for someone to review mine.

I find your concept to be intriguing but the story needs some changes.

At times you used clichés. I would replace these. Saying things like, something sold like hotcakes, tends to not be as interesting as “selling like cheap pretty prostitutes.”  If you can think of an analogy that fits with the mood of your story, even better.

I’ve never eaten porridge. I’m interested in that. Tell me what that looks like and tastes like and I’ll be more invested in your story.

I would name the first book and show what it is about. It doesn’t have to be murder, but it could show escalation. A story about a man picking random fights with random people? I’m not sure but something.

I don’t feel the frustration from Vincent that would be required to get so upset he would start killing people to kill writer’s block. Drag that out a little more.

Describe more. I can see what you are trying to do, but some of your words are too vague. I wouldn’t say stereotypical killer, I would describe something.

I think your end reveal needs to be bigger. Having him sit down and count his bucket of ears, would be creepy. As it is all of his crimes are veiled and I don’t know anything about how anyone even died.



Good Luck!