Talk:The Puppetmaster's Regime/@comment-24077689-20140307164805

This is my problem with this story:

Personally, I'm a bit surprised this made it to PotM with how typically bleh it is.

This first section while introducing an interesting premise isn't so much gripping as it is mildly fascinating. I finished reading it less because I HAD TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS and more because I'm at work and I've done all my assignments and there's nothing better for me to do than find out what happens.

This very clearly is just a formulaic pasta, it follows the same format as every other investigative pasta. Which is tragic because with this premise, it could have been taken so much further. There's so much creative wiggle room here it's insane! But instead it's set up just like Candle Cove, just like every other lost episode investigative Smile.Dog knock off. Same mold different colored play-doh.

You briefly sort of imply then directly state sexual abuse of the child. THAT CONCEPT IS SO FUCKING GOOD AND CAN BE TAKEN SO MUCH FURTHER. You have something genuinely shocking, which is saying a lot when it comes right down to it. In this community, we don't get shocked, we don't get surprised. This is something that, had you taken it further, could legitimately have shocked and really put people at unease. But alas, you left it at "yup, lil nigga got raped".

The descriptions here could use some ironing out. It seems to ramble, the narrative reminds me of how a car moves when one of its tires blows. It's not smooth, it limps, some of these descriptions run into each other and distract from each other "Welp, I was sleeping but I remember this or that also my parents were there and also I like puppets but now I dont". What about that song? It was played and presumably was dissonant and made people sick and want to die? What? That right there could also be taken further.

The problem I have is that this story could be taken to new highs and could really make people uneasy and really make them question themselves. That's what horror as a genre is meant to do. But instead, you keep this story huddled in the relatve safety for the doorway.