Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25170312-20151103223822/@comment-26425680-20151104013752

I liked this. I think the most impressive part is that the last line gives us a backstory that's never fully explained, but one that we can easily fill in with our imaginations.

Your grammar is top-notch. The only error I spotted is an extra word (we're) in the following sentence, "but I want to know where we're you're taking me or I'm going home."

As far as your plot goes, I'm wondering if maybe you should set a slightly more somber mood while the friends are walking to the grave. Of course, the danger in this is that you'd spoil the ending if you overdid it, so I'm suggesting very minor tidbits of melancholy that can be picked up on during second reading. For example, Melanie comes off as a little too happy during the walk to the grave, giggling and shining the flashlight on her face. That could probably be toned down a bit, or at least be suggested that she's doing it for Ryan's benefit, and that she's not really happy.

Overall, you did a fantastic job with this. My above comment regarding the mood is merely a nitpick. If you're personally happy with it, then I say this is site-ready.