Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-33288486-20171008054920

My Best Friend died and it's all my fault. Was this necessary? I regret all of it.

She's dead, and it's all because of my OCD.

My friend Anna and me meet in 5th grade, she was the new girl. While she was called whore, prostitute, or slut by the other boys, I didn't call her that shit. Thing's were fine, until high school. She started suffering from paranoid schizophrenia and I started suffering from OCD. Her first few signs were a irrational belief that grass was plotting against her and she must burn all forms of grass. Around the same time I started having my mental condition. I was obsessed with killers like Ted Bundy, Jack the ripper and even Hitler. I used to pratice shooting and stabbing things like paper, plastic and even dead dogs. I eventually took myself to a psychiatrist and he diagonsed me with OCD.

I told him about how I was obsessed with murderer's and how my obsession might lead to me killing some day. Eventually, I looked on the deep web for hitmen/hitwomen to hire so I could commit murder with the help of someone else. I tried finding any hitmen that didn't want much payment but close to $80 but sadly nothing. My obsessive thought took over and I wrote on a peice of paper to myself saying How could this happen to me or anyone. Why do I have intent to take someone elses life? Once I tried taking my life to prevent murder but all slit wrist do is bleed, death happens 3% if the time. I eventually killed her on april 13th  2003.

The trial came for her wrongful death and I was found guilty but mentally ill for the shooting of Anna, as of now I can't get over what I did but I am currently out of a mental hospital and crying over what I have done.  