Talk:The Girl Standing at the End of Church Street/@comment-24077689-20131126222246

OK, so here's a review:

You rush through the most emotionally charged aspects of this story. It really takes away from the reality of what's happening. He's upset and just runs out the door of the house. He's in the car and he watches his mom's head beating against the windshield and that's it?

And what's the deal with the dream? Is that part of the coma? So, this girl just sat by the sign until what? She died? What's with the reaction of concern and understanding from the new occupants of the house? You've got the framework of a good story, now you gotta put up the drywall and paint it.