Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25170312-20140817035754/@comment-24381191-20140817195229

Not bad, really nice. I don't really find this scary though. But then again, I don't really find anything scary these days. There is something that I don't think is worded correctly, though. You wrote 'Melanie and the other girls were going up to the roof and asked me to go' Shouldn't it be 'asked me to come' instead of 'to go?'

Also, you don't separate, each other, thy're not eachother, they're two different words. I just wanna clarify this, by 'bowl' do you mean 'pot' as in potsmoking?

The tension buildup when Melanie went missing was done pretty well, at least to me, but it could still be improved upon. So, lemme get this straight, 20 years ago, what the hell were you doing in an empty house?!