Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-23872426-20140612023622

Alright, this is my second creepy pasta I'm posting but this time I'm going to try and get criticism for it. My main concern is that I rushed it, made it too lengthy and that it simply is not scary becuase of it. So, here I go.

Pursued



It was night. The time where darkness overcomes the land, and the mind reeks havoc on the human psyche.



Night is when Allison Knight found herself driving through what seemed to be miles of endless southern country. Out here night truly became night for her, as there were no glaring streetlights like in the cities she was used to driving around in. The only thing really lighting the way on this dark gravel road were the headlights of her Chevy Malibu.



Normally she wouldn’t have taken such a back route, Allison clearly had no place out there and most of the folk she passed had a look on their face that seemed to agree. But she was in a hurry, she had no time for the road construction that plagued the main road, which explains why she had taken a route that seemed almost backwards to her.



Hours passed on this road, the only company she had was her radio and GPS, which yelled at her to make a left or right turn every 14 minutes or so. Every now and then Allison would pass a few vehicles, mostly trucks. She would pass them, and then be ahead of them for a few minutes or so before they turned off the road somewhere or she did. Some of them would turn with her, and in the back of her mind she would be wondering if they were following her, but she would quickly nudge it off.



Eventually the young Allison Knight stopped for gas. She pulled her car into a decent gas station in the middle of a small town. Outside of it were a few cars, nothing special. But one did catch her eye, and that was an old rusty orange truck, with a few farmer looking people leaning against it, smoking and conversing.



Allison didn’t stay long, she filled up her tank and left, coincidentally at the same time as the orange truck. It followed behind her a few car lengths, but Allison didn’t really take notice like any person would, she knew a car was behind her and she tried not to hit it. Simple enough.



Anyway, Allison continued focusing on the road for roughly 30 minutes, cringing at the loud commanding voice of her GPS that that told her to turn right. She signaled right, then turned. A vehicle behind her did the same, and she glanced at the vehicle for a second through her mirror. Oddly enough, it was the same orange truck that she saw at the gas station. How odd, show thought to herself, and she made a right turn as soon as she could to dispel any thought of this truck following her.



<p class="MsoNormal">As she turned right, so did the truck behind her. The GPS unit in her Malibu screamed at her, but she ignored it. She continued on driving, eyes fixed on the rear view mirror. This truck wasn’t going high speed or anything…in fact it was going the speed limit and was a few car lengths away, surely if it wanted to harm or pursue her in any way it would be closer and faster. Just to be safe Allison took an abrupt left turn that she did not signal. Coincidentally the orange truck did the same.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Allison’s heart began to pulse harder and harder, and her chest and stomach became numb with anxiety. She slammed her foot on the gas, and sped forward. The orange truck did the same, its engine roaring over hers like some sort of enraged demon. Slowly, the truck gained on Allison’s vehicle. She tried pushing down the gas pedal down more, but she realized that it was down as far as it would go.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Now at this point the truck behind her began to swerve left and right, revving its’ engine as if it could go faster but it was just holding back for the occasion like some sick hunter. Allison tried her hardest to stay ahead of the truck, but then the truck swerved left again, and then accelerated into the left side of her bumper. The metal of the two cars screeched as they met, followed by a loud bang.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">The Malibu quickly skidded out of control for a second, but then by shear luck Allison regained control of it and continued moving forward. The truck began growing more violent in its movement, and its roar became more sinister as it continued trying to ram the back of her car. Every now and then it would make contact, and sometimes Allison was sly enough to avoid it.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">At this point Allison’s entire body was numb, her legs shook while her hands trembled, she barely could keep control of the car. There was only one way she could get out of this. She would have to outrun the truck behind her. Allison quickly took a left turn, followed by a another left and then a sudden right.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">She barely braked the turns, and almost went off the road one or twice but she saw that she was gaining distance from the rusty orange truck and that was all that mattered. The pursuing truck roared behind her as if it was furious with rage, and the driver was no longer swerving it left and right but keeping it straight like a bullet to increase speed.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Allison quickly came upon an intersection. She braked hard, then faked a left and went right instead. The other driver seemed to buy the fake turn, as it swerved off of the road and into the ditch trying to adjust from its folly.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Allison quickly sped off, and shut her car lights off and drove as far as she could out of the trucks sight, before slowing down and taking a few turns to keep quite and stay out of sight. Eventually after a few minutes of quite driving, she pulled into an old wooded pasture that was guarded by some old wooden fence. She left the safety of the car, and pushed open the wood fence, and drove into a wooded part of the pasture that would conceal her car in darkness. She then anxiously closed the gate, and hid inside of her car. She could hear the roar of the orange truck grow closer and closer, and eventually she could make out the head lights.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">The orange monster of a truck drove by, but didn’t make the turn and kept driving on. It couldn’t see her in this hiding spot. Allison let out a breathe of relief, and wiped the tears from her eyes before she shut them for a few seconds. She let out another breath and decided that the best thing to do would be to wait a while in hiding, as the road clearly was not safe. Her eyes shut for another few seconds, and she drifted off to sleep.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Allison then jumped out of sleep, and looked around panicking. She could have sworn she heard the engine…maybe it was just passing by…there’s no way it could have seen her in there. Trying to calm herself down, Allison leaned back in her seat, and closed her eyes again.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Then, an engine roared from outside of the pasture, followed by blinding lights from a vehicle. It had found her, and was sitting just outside the wooden gate. Allison’s entire body shook, and she felt her entire spine become electrified with shock. She tried to turn the key, but the battery was dead. “No…no!” She gasped, and she kept fling the key back and fourth in a desperate attempt to turn on the car but it was no use.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">She heard the roar of the orange truck as it bashed through the wooden fence, and she let out a scream that shook the mirrors of her car.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">It’s not really known what happened to her after that. Her car was found in the same pasture, dented and beat up as it had been rammed multiple time. A few blood stains were found in the seats of the car, but Allison was never found, nor any trace of the Orange truck.

<p class="MsoNormal">That's the end of my story, I hope you enjoyed it!

<p class="MsoNormal"> <ac_metadata title="In need of criticism and advice for my short story &#039;Pursued&#039;"> </ac_metadata>