Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5101683-20180927063906/@comment-27838637-20180927065911

Poetry is a hard genre to critique because there are so many things to take into consideration when judging it. The rhyme, the flow, the tone, the message; everything makes a difference.

Unfortunately I don't tend to read much poetry outside of Edgar Allan Poe and those I have studied in the past (Wilfred Owen etc.), so it's hard for me to judge this piece in comparison.

I think it's written well, and it seems to flow quite well - for the most part. You seem to have written in the mostly uncommon 'boy named sue' rhyming scheme (AAB,CCD), which is hard to pull off as the failure for the last line in each stanza to rhyme generally affects the flow of the poem. Despite this, however, I do think you've done a substantial job at creating a well-flowing poem.

I do think the poem would work better as a longer piece though. I find you could make each stanza six lines and give the poem more room to breathe and speak. As it stands it does feel a little dull and ultimately I don't feel there is much to take away from reading this (which I feel is one of the main things poetry has to do as opposed to fiction-prose). If there is no takeaway, there should be a plot of some description; and unfortunately this feels too bare-bones to be taking that route unless you make it longer.

The main issue however, is that I don't feel this works in any way as a form of horror. I think it's a decent poem, with potential to be much better; but as a piece of horror-fiction, I don't think it has anything going for it.