Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27080023-20151019223340/@comment-9041013-20190216002238

The issue here is mostly the wording and formating. Change that. Make it seem more like an actual story rather than a retelling of a monologue and you should be good. Might as well want to fix some issues if there are any.

On top of that, I'd advise switching the story a little, instead of doing a Thanos on the breaker of one's heart, make the memory fade away completely... It'd work just as well and seem far less contrived.