Talk:Bloody Snow/@comment-25041416-20140701170730

You can make the story stronger by tightening your narrative, and also by deciding which details are important and which are not important and eliminating the details you don't need. You know you're not especially good at writing physical descriptions (almost no one is, including people who get paid to write) which is all the more reason to develop your ability to write sensory details (quick impressions of odor, color, noise, etc) without long detailed descriptions.

Your syntax can be awkward at times too. I don't mean this disrespectfully, but at times you read like someone who got very good at English as a second or third language, but who is still translating some words/remembering some grammatical conventions as you write. Maybe that's what is happening. Anyway, especially in genre fiction for a beginning writer, I'd consider, stripping your sentences way down. Keep your sentences short and keep them simple.