Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24976741-20150307025408/@comment-24976741-20150307191415

MrDupin wrote: "wasn't suppose to be" -> "wasn't supposed to be"

"different sound of different levels " -> "different sounds of varying/something levels"

"The two (now recognizable figures to be men) dragged" consider changing what is inside the parentheses. Currently, it doesn't sound natural.

"I regain the ability " -> "I regained the ability "

"was push into" -> "was pushed into"

"They threw me in and I could hear as the door" I think there is something missing after 'in'.

"a click sound" -> "a clicking sound"

"I could hear as the door behind me had shut and produced a click sound" The sentence doesn't sound right. Try changing it.

" I was passed out" Shouldn't this be "I passed out"?

"now wide opened" -> "now wide open"

" I quietly rush over and looked out of it" -> "I quietly rushed over and looked out"

"I wandered completely out now only to be greeted by deafening silence." This doesn't make much sense, consider rewriting it.

"a raged beard" Maybe you wanted to write "ragged beard"? I have never heard of a "raged beard".

"turned around and yell" -> "turned around and yelled"

"What are you still stand around for" -> "What do you still stand around for"

"The old man begin walking" -> "The old man begun walking"

"showered with bullet." -> "showered with bullets."

" word he push me out " -> " word he pushed me out "

"him I would of swore he was cheating" -> "him I would have sworn he was cheating"

"couple of things about them to" -> "couple of things about them too"

" Over time I lived there as well as helped with gardening and cultivating." -> "Over the time I lived there I helped with gardening and cultivating" or something.

" The woman had went into labor" -> "The woman went into labor"

" I'll never forget her face, she was miraculous" I don't think a person can be miraculous.

"when a giant crow was coming straight towards me" Shouldn't this be "when a giant crow came straight at me"

" I could feel the gash open that would permanently scar my hand" -> " I could feel the gash that would permanently scar my hand open"

"where I belong before" -> "where I belonged before"

" the four of them that were trying to hold back" -> " the four of them were trying to hold back"

"I was in a cold sweat as" -> " I was in cold sweat as "

"at my scared hand" -> "at my scarred hand"

Also, in a lot of cases you wrote "your" instead of "you're" or "you are". Also, you need yo be more careful with your tense, you changed between past and present in far too many cases.

Plotwise, I don't understand why the narrator had to leave after the Japanese woman went into labor.

Overally, the concept is interesting. It reads like those classic tales I read when I was a kid.

If this wasn't riddled with errors it would have been enjoyable. You really need to proofread your work even if you are about to post it in the Writer's Workshop. Thanks, ya I noticed a lot of those mistakes myself when rereading it this morning, I guess I was just pretty tired after spending the amount of time I did working on it. Also I ended up getting interrupted plenty of time, so that probably threw me off to. I would have fixed it, but I just decided to see what other mistakes I had so that I wouldn't waste my time doing it twice and just do it all in one go. I didn't care whether I would get chewed out by it or not, as long as I did a good job plot wise I could fix them.

Sorry about the different terms, I end up spelling stuff wrong a lot of the time (the one fault of my english) and since this site doesn't have anything to help you correct your spelling, well I guess you can get the point.

Also the woman wasn't japenese, it was just the samurai. I actually did put two plot things that didn't make sense in the begining and end to see if anyone would point them out. The first was the handcuffs, they seemed to disappear after he woke up. The second was that the scar was still on his hand at the end, confusing the reader as to whether the whole thing was a dream or not.