User blog comment:DoctorBleed/"Deep Expectations" Review/@comment-27905100-20170622221622

I saw your review, and found the story, which is really really funny to read, so I decided to try something new: Creepypasta riffing.

​Chapter 1: Deep Trouble
Chili and Artemis were browsing the web. They came across something called Tor, (Woah Woah Woah, Tor already? It’s the second sentence!) which took them to a part of the Internet called the Deep Web. After clicking countless (The way they react to the next site, I doubt it was that many. That is, unless you can’t count to three or so.) links, they came across a website, which went into making "human dolls": young girls who had had their senses of smell, taste, and hearing removed, had their teeth removed so they couldn't speak, and were sold online (That’s a pretty nonchalant description for what this is). After they finished reading, a chat box popped up. The owner of the site asked them if they liked the site (so he can see everyone who is browsing the site. That’s not a red flag at all), to which Chili replied that it was sick and he would report the site to the police (HE HAS YOUR IP ADDRESS! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?). The man then responded with Chili's name, full address, and phone number. This terrified both Artemis and Chili. (Case in point) Hoping it was a lucky guess, (Yes, because out of billions of home addresses, billions more phone numbers, and names like Chili and Artemis, they will have a lucky guess about those three things) they continued browsing, coming across a site talking about experiments conducted on humans. They were mostly to see how much pain a human could endure before dying, but there were some videos that showed other, awful things (Like what? If this wasn’t so badly written, I’d be mildly interested).

Chapter 2: Deep Problems
After more browsing (These people are smart.), a livestream popped up. It showed a woman tied up, with three men surrounding her. A voice from off camera commanded them to rape, torture, and cut the woman, which the men did without a second thought. After several long minutes, the commander told them to gouge the woman's eyes out. They did this, and then glued her mouth into a sinister, twisted smile (I have literally no idea how any of this should look.). Chili and Artemis were terrified, shutting off the computer and going to bed, doubting why they viewed this at night. Later, Chili lay awake, unable to sleep. The memories of the Deep Web haunted him like a ghost haunted a house. He tried to convince himself that the man was probably just joking (Yes, whenever I tell MY henchmen to gouge a woman’s eyes out, and then watch them torture and rape her, I’m only joking.), but a voice kept asking: What if he meant it? (No shit he meant it.) Chili didn't want to think about it and tried to go back to sleep. However, the voice nagged him, constantly ringing through his mind. Finally, Chili decided to get a snack. That always seemed to help. (He is going to eat after seeing something like that.) Being very careful to be very quiet so he didn't wake anyone, Chili grabbed a doughnut. After finishing it off, he went back to bed, trying to use whatever weird Jedi mind tricks he could think of to block the ominous thoughts. (Thanks, author. It’s not like we knew they were ominous already. I think the author here thinks we have the same IQ As him.)

Chapter 3: The Sounds
After getting a couple hours of precious, refreshing sleep, Chili awoke to hearing weird sounds. It sounded like someone was speaking, but it didn't sound like anyone he knew… (Ellipses! Makes it more scaryer!) Chili fell asleep for about half an hour before feeling Cress (What the hell is a cress?) waking him up. "Chili! Chili, do you hear that?" Chili became aware of screams coming from Artemis's room (He apparently has magic hearing powers: he only hears what the author wants him to hear). He, Cilan (You’re adding 3 characters in the last 100 words! Why?), and Cress went to check, and opened the door to find a burning pile of flesh and blood. This pile was near Artemis's bed, and Artemis was sound asleep, with the blanket covering her. On top of the pile there was a red eye, staring at them. They also found "I'M SAFE" (You had a moment of as much tension as you’re gonna get from a pile of garbage and managed to fuck it up) written on the wall above Artemis's headboard. The message was written in blood (Because blood makes everything scaryer). The brothers noticed a machete on Artemis's bedside table. Her Infernape (So we have pokemon now? Why? What point is there?) was on the floor next to her bed, also asleep. THE END? (Dramatic muzikz)