Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26286557-20160722030043/@comment-26475800-20160802012240

Hope you don't mind me putting my two cents I on this one, but I'm going to anyway. This story could be pretty good, but there are a few things holding it back. The biggest thing is how repetitive it is. You go on about the figure staring at you, for a few sentences one after the other without adding anything to the story. That's just one example, but it happens rather frequently for such a short story.

Also, it may be stronger if the noose trigger memories of the person dying. Say he was hung, and he raises his hand to his neck, feeling the pain again, or something like that. It would give a stronger hit to being in purgatory than just having a voice say it. More on that topic, you could also have him reliving his death over and over again for all eternity. Have the had be the Hangman. That may make this a stronger story.

All of this should be taken with a grain of salt, it's up to you on how you want to write your story. These are just a few suggestions.

Cheers,