Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20181009025331/@comment-28428152-20181018011323

BloodySpghetti wrote: Alright, read the two last parts as I was on my way to work this morning, might've missed a few technical issues; so proofread, proofread, proofread - based on previous experiences.

Plotwise, part eight and nine are both very decent, like the whole of this novel. Yes, it's a novel by this point, or a long novella, or will be a novel in the end. Overall it's very decent, though I have some issues with the eighth part, when The Nameless pulled Ben's eye out of it's socket why did you mention muscles being torn out, the eye ball has none. It's a gooey semi liquid thing.

Also, if The Nameless is such a big deal why did he have to use an object to pull out a kids eye? be more creative, make him use his body or the serroundings even, bending physics and such. Make him use a sort of telepathy even to yank the eye out of its place without touching it.

I like the notion of a dream being very realistic, more so than the character's reality - I did it with a story about a Wendish God of Nightmares.

As for part nine, I don't have any issues with this one. The Pedo truck driver is kind of well, unoriginal, but whatever, it makes sense, it's not ruining anything. It's just been done before. Kind of makes sense as well too, if you look around the net, crazier stuff had happened in the early 2000s.

So yeah, take your break for a tad, before coming up with the refined drafts of the next volume. For some reason didn't get an email about this comment, so apologies about the delayed response.

And yeah, right now it's a short novella, about a thousand words short of my Summoning of the Wyrm series. And i can see what you mean about the eyeball scene, and I'll definitely have to mend the anatomy there. And yeah, it would be interesting to see the Nameless doing some metaphysical stuff, but I dunno, something about him holding up the weird instrumnet in front of Ben appeals to me, makes it more hands-on, more intimate. But don't worry, you'll see the Nameless do some of that stuff later on. And the dreams being more realistic than reality is something that I'll definitely be delving into more intensely in the next two volumes, hopefully to the point where it's even hard for the reader to distinguish at times.

And I feel the same way about the truck driver, it's just that I needed Ben to get from point A to point B, Point A being that he kills his grandparents and burns down the house and Point B being that he ends up dead somewhere far enough away that the police wouldn't find him, and a pedo truck driver was the only thing I could think of to do this while still making the transition horrible for Ben. If I think of something else, I might change it, but for right now it's a pedo truck driver.