Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20150329223250/@comment-26054278-20150402201010

Well, this is a rather interesting story.

I haven't seen a second-person story very much except in ritual pastas, which don't really use the concept too well (at times).

The fact that it ends on a gunshot is a lot more vague as to the ending and a much more effective way of ending the story, so that is a change that I definitely approve of. Also, I really like the depth of thinking that is provided in this short pasta, and the thoughts of the main character are rather logical.

There is one section that I believe to be a bit awkward:

"You look at the gun, and remember what you had to do, who you had to kill-

(No, not who. What. Those…things…weren’t your friends, weren’t your family, wasn’t the one you loved. They might have had their faces, but they didn’t have their souls.)

- to survive for this long."

Maybe it is just me, but I just don't think it should interrupt this sentence and be in parentheses. It would probably be perfectly fine to simply make a sentence and follow it up with this little section that drives him to eventual part where the character contemplates what to do.

I don't actually have that much more to say. The writing is pretty good, the use of second-person works, and, while not really creepy, I always prefer quality above anything else. If I had to post a rating, it would probably be around a 8.5 or 9. Nice job.