Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25795965-20141202032840/@comment-25795965-20141207051104

So after browsing the site a bit more, I've found that there's already a story called Exit. I was real worried when I saw a picture of an exit sign on there, but fortunately it seems to deal more with highway exits, so I think I'm good. I will have to change the name, though. I think I'll go with "Nothing But the Blood," and include more verses of the hymn.

I'm going back and forth on the motivation aspect. When I was mulling the story over in my head, the idea was that the church was hurting for members. On the other side of the door is the waiting room for Hell (think Twin Peaks), and Emily is led to a torture chamber by Hell's maitre d', who sentences her to 10,000 years. She is retrieved at the end of her sentence a shaking, sputtering mess, and is cast through a door (with a red exit sign over it, natch) back to the real world. In the real world, no time has passed since she went through the door, but for Emily, 10,000 years has passed, so she forgot who the pastor is, or how anything in the real world works. The pastor takes her in and rehabilitates her, she becomes attached to him, and becomes a loyal member of his congregation. It is at this point that she brings Becky to the church, where she is invited to the evening service.

That makes a heck of a lot more sense, but there's one problem: the scene in Hell destroys all momentum. Literally as I was typing the words, in my head I was going "This isn't working." Also, is motivation really necessary? Consider Hitchcock's The Birds. Would it make that movie better if they explained why the birds were attacking? No, in fact it would make it markedly worse.

In any case, here's my to-do list for the second draft:

-Change the name of the church/pastor

-More verses of the hymn at strategic points in the story

-Christ figure bleeds wine (because if it bleeds blood, why would the pastor need Emily's blood?). Pastor does not bring wine bottle, collects drippings from Christ's toes. Ambiguous whether blood or wine?

-Upon splashing Emily's blood on the sign, a (wingless?) dove emerges from the spear wound in Christ's side. Pastor stuffs the dove headfirst into Emily's mouth before throwing her through the door?

Stay tuned.