Talk:Imaginary Pair/@comment-25052433-20150417003710

This was an ambitious story with a cool enough little plot, but I feel that character development, or lack there of, sort of ruined this one for me.

Your character designs are sort of all over the place. One minute this girl Jennfier is a gaming geek who has the time and stability to play online games for hours on end for Youtube, as wel as challenge strangers to duels, then you turn her into a babbling psycho that can't walk down the street without seeing the hounds of hell chasing behind her.

Same can be said for the male protagonist, Richard, as well. One minute he's a gaming geek that becomes nervous because a pretty girl kissed him, next up he's a badass killing monsters with a baseball bat.

Now, this isn't meant to be me trashing your pasta. I actually think what you have here is a cool plot with a nice ending. If you were to fix up the character concepts here, I am confident that you'd have a home run on your hands.

Plus, the entire gaming concept sort of fizzles here. You set this up as though that was going to be  a man focus, but then it just vanishes. Either expand that or remove it, that's my advice at least.