Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31930296-20170518035609/@comment-24101790-20170518042535

The story was deleted as it wasn't up to quality standards. You tend to repeat a lot of issues here that were found in your other two stories so I would read over this carefully as these problems are present in your writing and aren't just one time occurrences. Additionally there are other mechanical issues other than the ones pointed out below, but as it's getting late, I want to cover the basics of why I deleted this story.

Punctuation issues: There are quite a lot of errors here. You tend to add a lot of apostrophes to plural words which isn't correct. "A man named Sir Charlie Trussell was out hunting rabbit's for family dinner.", "he treaded deeper into the wood's", "A creature we have now identified as the 'Killer Feline' is still at large on killing spree's.", etc. Plural words do not need apostrophes (unless they are possessive and then they tend to go after the s.)

Punctuation issues cont.: You forget to use apostrophes for a lot of possessive words. "He could feel the heat of the creature(')s body and hear the rumble in the back of its throat", "Just as she thought she was going to escape she felt the creature(')s warm breath", "Jessica let out a blood curdling scream as the creature ripped through her husband(')s neck and dropped his lifeless body on the floor next to their bed.", etc. You also forget to use commas a number of times: "Just as Charlie begin (sic) to move faster he tripped and fell, ripping his pant leg he fell to the ground bleeding", "As the movie came to an end Jessica stood up and stretched", "Petrified she shook Dennis violently to wake him.", etc.

Punctuation issues cont.: You also tend to leave punctuation outside of dialogue which isn't correct. "finger like claws around Charlie's arm and mumbled, "You're next!".(period not needed)", "If you have seen a creature like this or know more information please contact us immediately!.(./!)"", ""Dennis, you cannot believe this nonsense!", she said.", "This has to be the worst made up creature. Right up there with Big Foot and the Lochness Monster".", etc.

Wording: Awkward wording: "His creature was not like a bear or cougar, which he had spotted many times in the forest during his hunts.", "The house was old and run down, but Jessica was happily (happy) to paint and make a home of their own.", etc. Mechanically incorrect wording: It's=it is, its=possession. "It's (its) eyes gleamed a deep yellow as it raised its head to smell the air.", ""Deinde te, meaning you're (un-needed you're) "You're next!"", etc.

Formatting issues: Dialogue should really be spaced out so two speakers are never on the same paragraph like this: ""I'm exhausted and going to head to bed", she said. "Sure thing honey. I will clean up down here and won't be far behind you", Dennis replied.". This is done to improve the story flow and prevent misattribution.

Story issues: Starting with the basics, it seems unlikely that "The first sighting was in a small town of Forest Grove, Oregon, 1743." when the town wouldn't be founded for another 100 years. Up to that point, the area was populated with Native Americans and the area was considered unsettled. It's little things that can be fact-checked which tend to detract from the story. Lines like: "Charlie stood frozen in time but managed to let out a scream as the creature ripped him apart limb by limb." also tend to weaken the plot as there was seemingly no witness to Charlie's death which makes the narrative impossible to have in that level of detail.

Story issues cont.: Your story is missing quite a lot of explanation and focus. Lines like: "He entered a dark wooded area and heard a scream. Charlie thought nothing of it as he treaded deeper into the wood's" (why did he think nothing of hearing someone screaming in the woods?), "she smashed it against the creatures head causing it to let out a noise so unnatural it cannot be described" (What made the noise unnatural? Saying that it can't be described really weakens the image you're trying to convey.), "Just as Jessica hit the bottom of the stairs they heard a noise that would shatter your soul, followed by a heavy banging at their door." (What did the soul-shattering noise sound like? Why is it described as a soul-shattering noise?), etc.

There are other story issues, but I think I'm going to leave that for other reviewers and focus on the creature's catchphrase. First and foremost, the catchphrase feels really generic. "You're next has made it onto our cliche list due to its overuse and general ineffectiveness. Additionally"Deinde te" or "You're next!" doesn't really have much roots in the story. Why is it saying that catchphrase to almost everyone it murders? Currently it feels like something that was added on that really doesn't work organically in the story.