Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4832646-20140719051908/@comment-25148755-20140720011603

@ Cassist

Always like to get right to the action. Never heard of foreplay? I keed, I keed. I know what you're getting at since the attention span of the average pasta consumer is measured by words with prefixes like "milli" and "nano" but sometimes a little build up to set the mood isn't a bad thing. I think the hook in the first line is decent, if pretty routine, and the style is engaging enough to keep a reader's interest.

Course, as it stands and keeping with my original metaphor, this draft is a major case of blue balls since it cuts out right when things are getting interesting.