Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4656382-20180113081513/@comment-25941663-20180113134826

This is nicely written, but as a standalone story it is not that great. I have not read the rest of the series, so I will assume it fits in. But journal pastas are pretty difficult to pull off, and even though this wasn't bad, it wasn't great either.

If you are writing a series, maybe you could go a different way. If I were you, I would have this story be a part of another, larger story. Assuming that in the rest of the series Lilith and Drake are the main characters, you can do something like this: In a larger story, have Lilith find the journal and read it, kind of like an intermission story. I think that would be cool, since right now the story doesn't have a proper structure.

(If you go that route, I suggest instead of headers to simply italicize the dates, to make the piece smooth better.)

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I noticed some possible typos (you can Ctrl+F to find them):

"Quarantine has been effect" - I think you are missing an 'in' before 'effect'.

"only to waken" - I think it is 'awaken', but I'm not sure.