Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6822927-20180929234814/@comment-36627132-20180930025933

Before I begin reviewing this I feel I should note that people are going to think this is a spinoff of Eyeless Jack because of the title.

Spelling Issues: The spelling is good, but I don't much care for the fact that some sentances start without nouns i.e. "Didn’t need the attention seeking mongrels of mass media distracting me from my precious work." or "Wasn’t half bad from what I’d seen.." I know it was intentional and that is how the OC killer talks, but it just feels lacking.

Plot Issues: The story starts off with two cliches: an OC killer, and a news report about said killer. The rest of what you have here feels like you're just ranting about someone you know and the sole purpose of this story is to either insult her by calling her a whore, or as we've seen before in OC killer stories believe it or not, you're envious of the attention she gets from men.

You probably should have finished the story instead of opting to give us a small fraction of it. As for your premise ("the guy simply views women as whores and has a strange obession with eyeballs.") it makes the OC killer sound like a rant that men don't respect women enough. On top of that, a psychopath with an obsession (in this case eyes) really isn't anything new. Even though this isn't finished yet, it still lacks depth and reason.