Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-21832837-20150220212729/@comment-25148755-20150222022505

Interesting concept, hate the ending. Agree with Ruckus regarding fixing some of the grammar. Not sure what medium the protagonist is using to record his thoughts but I might suggest having him voice record it on his phone (rather than writing it). I don't think you make that explicit and it would explain some of the grammatical errors since people generally tend to speak with a little less formal structure.

Regarding the ending, it really doesn't make any sense. I was anticipating that the character was actually dead and in hell/purgatory which would explain the eternal battery on the phone, the images, the resurrection after he kills himself, etc. Having him just trapped in a cave...meh. I know you're trying for a big twist that he's gone off the deep end and now he's going to start killing folks on the freeway but it's not particularly scary and just comes off as cliche. Try continuing to ramp of the feelings of lonliness, isolation and panic. To me, being lost forever alone in the dark is a helluva lot scarier than some random crazy guy throwing himself at cars on a freeway. Or even more...maybe he discovers at the end he's not alone in the dark. Maybe there's something in there with him and that something is hungry. Anyways, food for thought. Hope it helps!