Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26220663-20150922034828/@comment-27012445-20150924203742

I'm sorry, this is really bad. It is almost incoherent. I couldn't finish it. If you want to get better, you need to be able to tell what's wrong with your own grammar and not rely on people pointing them out; in the real world when that happens its embarrassing. People will always give you feedback on better ways of saying things or phrasing words, but if you can't identify the fundamental structure of good sentences, your stories will never work. I would suggest reading your paper out loud or have someone else read it out loud to you.