Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26261031-20151201014907/@comment-26425680-20151202040955

Your writing style is too simple; you tell us everything and show us nothing. It's okay to be straightforward and direct in your writing, but you need to make sure you balance things out with a little complexity here and there. Here's an example:

"I proceeded to talk to him as I wanted to understand what was going on. I could tell that man was without a formal education has he did not speak proper English."

You can use the following dialogue itself to demonstrate the confusion of your narrator and the uneducated nature of the man, rather than outright telling us. It would be much less clunky that way.

Overall, the story has formatting issues (no new paragraphs for new dialogue), spelling errors, and grammatical errors. EmpyrealInvective pointed out a lot of these issues on your talk page, so I won't go into them here, other than to say you need to make sure your stuff gets proofread. Even with a thorough proofreading, your writing still isn't up to snuff quite yet. Keep practicing and you'll improve as you get older.