Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24976741-20140525150115/@comment-9967354-20140525171132

To be honest, the pasta was rather cliched. And incredible, but not in a good way.

Let's start with the start: it was an introduction, then we are dropped into the police investigations. And the gruesome details are just, gruesome. I think you should look at some actual police reports and get some inspliration from there.

There really isnt any story I see here. The phone call was cheesey, almost...exaggerated. You shouls be able to get to the point without the panting and he is coming. If you dont want to give anything, okay. At least allow your character a little explanation? He's called 911 for a reason, and it isn't to rant about demons.