Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25463414-20140929200919/@comment-24101790-20140929222757

The paragraphs are massive, dialogue isn't spaced properly (Opening dialogue/new speaker starts a new line.), capitalization issues (Words capitalized in the middle of sentences: "Come Help...", ""Hehe Yes", "...like I taught Ya"), punctuation issues. (Commas missing from sentences we're pauses are needed and apostrophes missing on items indication possession. "parent(')s room", father(')s neck), and grammatical issues. (body's/bodies, "contiplated", "he fraga palel" etc.)

Then there is the story itself. I'm sorry, but it's cliched. (Bullied teen snaps, murders bullies, then murders parents and/or siblings.) We get a number of these stories every day and all of them come across as cookie-cutter and generic. Your protagonist descends into madness at the drop of a hat for little to no reason and murders his family solely because it seems like you wanted to mimic other stories of this type. The story needs a lot of revision and separating itself from the cliches/tropes these types of stories have is going to be difficult/near impossible.