Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24651624-20150504004551/@comment-24651624-20150507021956

yeah they helped. i can get rid of the stuff you suggested but some things I'm not sure how to move around or rework, like the egyptian thing. No sure where to move that... also i should have explained why the narrator hid in the garage. There's a large fence in the backyard (I should have probably emntioend that). sorry.

lol you should have seen the first and second versions of this story. it was a mess.

thanks for the help and yes I can nix the  first two paragraphs. also sorry about the "two" i guess I missed that when I was editing and spellchecking.