Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26278367-20150420020923/@comment-24101790-20150420022428

First and foremost, dialogue should be spaced out so that there are never two speakers in the same paragraph. This is done to prevent confusion as to who's speaking and to help with flow. Additionally numbers smaller than ten should be written out for the sake of formality (unless they are monetary or time.)

Punctuation issues: conclusive punctuation goes inside quotation marks in dialogue. “Let’s go to breakfast. Can't be tired for our awesome day!”.", “ready (Ready) to go play with Jeremy and C.J."?", “Tom is everything okay"?", etc. Commas missing before dialogue. Apostrophes used incorrectly. "brother's (brothers) got up from bed.",  “Hey can we talk about this...", etc.

Capitalization issues: “Okay Tom". Said (said) his mother", "... today" Said (said) Tom's mother with a smile.", " are (Are you) lost little boy"?

Wording issues: " I and Tom (Tom and I) wanted to go out to eat".", " "Who’s (Whose) game(?)" his mother asked.", "Jason'(s) stay,", "The boy is (was) considered dead.", "“but we(')re gonna", "And lairs (liars) have..."

Grammar: your=possession, you're=you are. "your dead"

Story issues: with the passage of time, that makes Tom around nine or ten years old. How is he surviving on his own? How is he overpowering/murdering grown men? The story also falls into the "abused protagonist snaps and murders" cliche that really has been done quite a bit. The brother is cartoonishly evil and the mom is was too oblivious about the sexual abuse. The story has quite a bit of issues which is why it was deleted.