Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25236823-20140807094114

Hey, I tried writing a micropasta and posted it here, but it got deleted because it had a few grammatical errors and the story itself could have been better. I have fixed the grammar issues and posting the edited pasta here. Tell me what you all think of the story and what edits should I make!

Here's the pasta :

You look around yourself. All you see is trees in every direction. You know you're lost, you can feel the tension building up inside you. Out of nowhere you hear a faint cry for help. Your anxiety suddenly reaches a fever pitch. You feel as if there was deeply wrong about that cry. You want to close your eyes and just run away. But you're not a superstitious man. You try to calm yourself down and assess the situation. "Please help", comes a voice from the above. Instinctively you look up, and see a man sitting atop the tree in front of you. Only it's not a man. It has the anatomy of a bony man, but its skin is bleached in white. Its long and frizzy hair hides most of its face, except for its eyes. Its yellow eyes appear to be glowing in the darkness of the night. Suddenly, the thing starts grinning. You keep staring at it in disbelief, and then you blink. As you open your eyes after blinking, you see yourself below. Only it's not you anymore. You're crouched atop the tree now, and your former vessel is still staring at you in disbelief. Suddenly, it starts grinning. You can see a shimmer of yellow in its eyes. It then bows down and thanks you, and then proceeds to walk away, while you helplessly keep staring at it from the top of the tree, unable to move a muscle or do anything, except for crying for help.  