Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36113436-20180707230013/@comment-26444017-20180708003311

Here are the biggest issues I've found.

There are tense swaps in a few places. Run through the whole thing, and make sure everything is in the correct tense.

The formatting is wierd. You should have paragraphs, not single sentences.

There is room to add more here. If you expand on this, you can really get somewhere.

Some of the wording feels too nonchalant for a story about a dark god coming to power and killing all of humanity.