Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24886948-20140503042119/@comment-5619531-20140503142647

Okay. A proper review

Overall the grammar is good, if you intend on this to be a story make sure it's Do Not Look At the Mirror. It's still a cliché with the dog, but it can be used in a good way (in my opinion).

Skip ahead to the car scene. The car scene just makes it stand out from being into an actual story. You said that you had a mental illness; a fear of mirrors, correct? I can see the being. But not the people having that have had the accidents on the street where the accident occurred, it seems. Then we have the ending sentence. If you just add that to any articles, you already know that the administrators/VCROC on this site will just delete it because it's I'M NEXT, AND YOU'RE AFTER. It's been used as "You're next" numerous of times, and it is a cliché and run-on joke in Trollpasta.

To be honest, I would still scrap it. Go for a different approach. I am one of those people who find mental illness articles fascinating, and this just went to a downer. Like I said in the previous comment, you have the potential in writing. But you can re-write it to make it feel as if the guy is going crazy by what he sees in the mirror while others disagree with him, and he doesn't even know about his condition until the end.