Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27725700-20160203065731/@comment-24101790-20160203071200

I'm sorry but the sleep paralysis angle has been done a lot. Sleep Paralysis, Sleep Paralysis Experience, Lucid Dreaming: Sleep Paralysis, Sleep Paralysis Revisited, Sleep Paralysis: Hallucinations, Sleep Paralysis: The Door, Sleep Paralysis: The Plague Doctor to name a few.

Additionally your story is a large paragraph. You need to space out your story as a typical paragraph is five-ten sentences. Any more and it's a pain to read. There also isn't a lot of build-up to the overall experience or tension of the story. We have a lot of stories focusing on this concept and you really don't describe the creature too well so the entire experience feels like it's lacking a visceral/relatable feeling.

I'm sorry, but to salvage this story you're going to really have to flesh it out, do a lot more describing, and really tell a story that isn't just a re-telling of the condition. If this were posted in its current condition, I would most likely delete it for being very generic and sticking to the tired tropes of sleep paralysis stories.