Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24881951-20150527231544/@comment-26007602-20150530153029

Alright first off, you can only use one semicolon per sentence. Two or three is excessive and a grammatical error. You should also split these paragraphs up more, as they're fairly large and a pain to read through. There are a few run-ons in there as well, but since I'm on my phone, I'll let you find them yourself.

The story itself reads less like a creepypasta and more like a (overly preachy; please cut down on the "humans are bad" vibe, we've all seen it before) cautionary tale. Assuming everything would happen as you described (which all seemed fairly ridiculous to me), why would humanity's first instincts be to attack the aliens? That goes against everything you told us in the first paragraphs about human compassion and the like. It's nonsensical and a fairly lame way to end the original concept.

There's no tension here, nothing creepy to unnerve the reader. You can write a creepypasta without tension. A horror story doesn't start with "everything's perfect" and then wait until the final third to introduce the threat. You need to imply that humanity will be destroyed (and go into more detail about how they'll be destroyed) earlier, as introducing it at the very end is not the twist you were hoping for, but instead looks like a lazy way to end the story.