Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33904527-20190608232403/@comment-35711173-20190609041027

Your use of English is generally far above average.

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Hannah concluded, still slightly uncomfortable.

That first period after sure should be a comma.

Shrivelled with two l's is the UK English variant, but if you follow UK rules then it is correct.

For a first draft, the story isn't bad. Definitely better than most. It's not my genre. I think others will be able to dial it in more.