Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26540829-20150628212114/@comment-24101790-20150628215039

Spacing issues: "building, again , not" Punctuation should not be spaced apart from the words. Like this: "Building, again, not" Colons should also not be spaced apart from words. "my phone rang :" Or periods: "British Highborn from the 1700s ."

Punctuation issues: "As I lean to get them I notice something" Punctuation left out of quotations in dialogue: "“POLICE, could you open the door for a moment? “.", "I was asking myself “What my cousin had been doing ?” ,", etc. Apostrophes missing from contractions: "Yeah, let me get some, we(')ll need a lot more!"

Asterisk issues: asterisks are typically used to denote an action when used in a report or file. You are telling a story, so you would actually write the action out. (As you'd been doing earlier.

Speaking of dialogue, you switch between using quotations (as seen above) and em dashes "- Dude, I know how I can help you!" You should keep it consistent.

Wording issues: "Ok, I’ll be there in 10minutes(space missing), stay but and calm yourself!" One of those conjunctions (and / but) is not needed. Fragmented sentences: "Took the clothes inside, just left them on the couch and got back on the balcony for a smoke", "And then all black", etc.

Wording cont.: "“Why the police is (are) asking about him" Police is treated as a plural. "someone it’s (is) trying to put the blame on me", "As I’m waking up, my head hurts and (I) find myself in a (an) insane asylum white room, whit (with) soft walls only on the door there is only a sheet of paper taped :" Run on sentence and awkward phrasing. "Pale, skin white as milk, skinny, a sense of dread just got into me after I saw his expression, the expression of a man that was afraid to the bone, that was certain that the end is near." Awkward phrasing, broken sentence, run-on sentence. "But as I was thinking about a reason I got a idea for a solution, he was just suspected for now, he could go to Ukraine were I have some siblings left and live there until all the matters here will turn false and the real serial killer will be found because if the CIA, FBI and all the secret agencies are involved there is no legal way to counter them, they will just find another scapegoat!" Multiple punctuation, wording (were/where), awkward phrasing, etc.

The dialogue is very awkward at times. "Dude, you really think that will work? … But yes it will, there’s nothing on TV about me being wanted, I could go there, dude you saved my life !!", "It’s nothing, I just know you would do this in 1000 years man, let’s drink ", etc.

Story issues: The ending comes off as nonsensical due to the lack of explanation. Why is that paper important? How does any of this tie into the TwoFace killer? Why are multiple governments trying to frame the protagonist? The story seems split between an actual story and a script for a movie. (The actions denoted by asterisks) I'm sorry but this comes off very rushed and feels like you wrote it all at once. It is not up to quality standards as has been mentioned on your talk page.