User blog:Dorkpool/The Dorkpool Guide To Creepypasta

Alright, after that horrific stabbing in Wisconsin a day or so ago, a lot of attention has been focused on Creepypasta, specifically, Slender Man. (Note: If you don’t know about the Wisconsin thing, Google it.) I’ve actually read an article on what non-Creepypasta aficionados define it as, and while it’s somewhat true, that’s not it completely. So, here’s my take on what Creepypasta is, and what some of the more popular stories are. WHAT IS CREEPYPASTA? To put it mildly, nightmare fuel. Basically, they’re a bunch of scary stories written on the Internet. The name Creepypasta is derived from the slang term “copypasta”, which means short text based stories that can be copied and pasted, or something like that. Creepypasta is somewhat popular, but still sort of a niche thing. Most people don’t know about it, so whenever I mention Jeff the Killer, their reaction is, “What the fuck are you talking about?” It’s quite annoying. But that’s beside the point. A good portion of Creepypasta fans are quite young, between 13-17 actually. There are quite a few types of “fans”, which I will talk about later.

TYPES OF STORIES There are certain types of stories, or pastas, on the Creepypasta website.

Character Stories: These types of stories are the most popular, as they have very distinctive characters, Slender Man being a prime example. I’ll go more into these types of stories soon enough.

Gaming: These stories usually revolve around weird game glitches, haunted games, or games that were abandoned or are unpopular for good and horrifying reasons. Sonic.exe is a somewhat popular example.

Lost Episodes: These stories revolve around “lost episodes”, usually of animated shows, (though there are some stories about live action ones) that involve heavy amounts of violence, gore, profanity, and other things that are out of character for the animated show. Also, it will probably ruin the show for you. Some examples of this are “Squidward’s Suicide” and “Dead Bart”.

Based On A True Story: These types of pastas are said to be based on true stories. Some actually are true, which should keep you up at night.

Theories: These types of pastas are mostly theories about certain kids shows/movies that will ruin your childhood. There are theories for shows like Dexter’s Laboratory, Fairly Odd Parents, Spongebob (as if Squidward’s Suicide didn’t already ruin the show enough), Adventure Time, and Scooby Doo, to name a few.

Other: Some are just…stories. Scary stories. They aren’t based off of reality, a video game, a TV show, or center around a certain character. These include Psychosis and String Theory.

MAIN CREEPYPASTA CHARACTERS

Slender Man: He is arguably the most famous character, though he didn’t originate from Creepypasta. He was created in the SomethingAwful forums “Create A Paranormal” contest. He’s become very popular because of the game Slender, which pretty much made him an online meme, and has become well-known through YouTube video series such as Marble Hornets, EverymanHYBRID, and some other ones I’m too lazy to look up. Now, as for the character himself, he’s described as very tall, faceless, pale, and well-dressed. He’s known to stalk people, kill them, and kidnap children. He’s also supposed to screw up electronics. And he’s supposed to reside in forests. He’s supposed to have been around for a few hundred years, and was apparently very popular in Germany, where he was known as Der Ritter. (Of course, the myth could’ve been created after Slender Man’s creation and said to be from a few hundred years back, or Slender Man could be based off of the myth.) Slender Man also has tentacles that are supposed to come out of his back. These allow him to take control of some people and make them his “proxies”. Proxies are people who work for Slender Man. How independent they are is unknown. He chooses his proxies, and stabbing your friend 19 times won’t help you become a proxy, you prepubescent dipshits. Sorry, the whole stabbing thing bothers me.

Jeff the Killer: This one’s another popular character, though his story is really weird. Jeff and his brother Liu moved to a new neighborhood. There, they meet some bullies. Jeff beats up the bullies, and takes the knife from one of the bullies (because in this neighborhood, bullies carry knives). Eventually, charges are pressed, Jeff confesses, but his brother takes the blame. Anyway, after Liu is taken to jail, Jeff and his family go to a birthday party for some kid in the neighborhood, because his parents decide that after one of their sons have been through a traumatic experience and their other kid is going to jail, it’s a great time to go to a party. During the party, Jeff meets the bullies again, fights them, and kills them, but not before he’s drenched with bleach, and one of the bullies sets him on fire. Logically, this makes his skin white. Like, white white. Not Caucasian, but paper white. During this turn of events, Jeff had gone batshit crazy, and now he’s pleased with his new look. Eventually, he burns off his eyelids and cuts a smile on his face. His mom finds out, goes to his father, and tells him to get a gun. Seriously. Jeff’s parents really suck. Anyway, Jeff ends up killing his parents, his brother, and goes on to become a serial killer. Despite being a really messed up story that’s not too logical, it’s become popular, mostly because of the picture. You see, there’s a picture of Jeff, that is actually a heavily Photoshopped picture of a girl who committed suicide. Either way, the picture’s fucking scary, which is probably why he’s become so popular.

Jane the Killer: Jane is similar to Jeff, in that Jeff made her who she is. After Jeff moved to her town, Jane tried befriending him. Soon, Jeff ended up having a thing for her. Jane was near that fateful party where Jeff got bleached, and ended up calling the cops. Eventually, her parents went to dinner at Jeff’s house, celebrating the release of Liu (in the midst of all of this, Liu was released because… logic). Jeff killed Jane’s parents, and tried making Jane “beautiful” (in other words, like him), fucked up horribly, and caused Jane to hate him.

Smile Dog: This one isn’t as fucked as Jeff’s story. In fact, it’s pretty well written. Basically, the story centers around a picture of Smile Dog. Seeing the picture causes insanity, seizures, and seeing Smile Dog a lot. Smile Dog is supposed to go to them and tell them to “spread the word”, or show the picture to others. The main character of the story is investigating the picture, and finds a lady who saw the picture. Before he met her, however, she killed herself. She planned to show him the picture, but decided not to inflict such a thing on anyone else. Later, he gets an email that he knows contains the picture and, like an idiot, looks at the picture.

BEN Drowned: This is sort of a gaming pasta, but is very well known, so I decided to include it. Some guy decides to relive his childhood by getting “Majora’s Mask” from some shady guy. As it turns out, it’s haunted by someone named Ben, who drowned. Ben messes up the game, and communicates through Cleverbot.

The Rake: This one isn’t extremely popular, but it’s supposed to relate to Slender Man. And since this whole thing is written in reaction to something involving Slender Man, I feel that it’s relevant. The Rake is supposed to be a gray human-like creature with long, rake-like claws. Hence, the name. Anyway, the Rake is supposed to be in upstate New York, and will appear at your bedside. Sorry, New Yorkers. Anyway, both the Rake and Slender Man are both supposed to have something called “Sigma Radiation”. As for what that is, well, no one has any fucking clue. “Radiation” is closest to what it actually is.

Eyeless Jack: This is another one with a scary picture. Basically, Eyeless Jack is… something. It’s never been canonically stated just what he is. He does, however, eat kidneys. And has a blue face with huge holes where his eyes should be. (Note: It’s been theorized that Eyeless Jack is a cannibal, and his face is a mask.) Laughing Jack: There seems to be quite a few names that start with ‘j’ in Creepypasta. Jeff, Jane, and two Jacks. Anyway, Laughing Jack is supposed to be some clown-looking guy who gives candy to children, and, naturally, ends up causing death, because when is there a Creepypasta character who doesn’t kill anyone?

Squidward’s Suicide: Quite a few pastas wouldn’t be very scary without a picture. Jeff the Killer, Smile Dog, and Eyeless Jack, to name a few. This sort of follows that, except the picture isn’t in the story. Anyway, the story is that there was an episode of Spongebob that was being made, and was shown to the production crew. In it, most of the characters have realistic eyes, the characters are more aggressive, Squidward commits suicide, and there are pictures of murdered children from the taken from the point of view of the killer. There’s a sequel of sorts to this called Red Mist, which is a lot like Squidward’s Suicide. Both of the cartoons are supposed to have been made by a Scottish animator.

This where I’m ending the character guide. There are some high-profile ones I didn’t write about because I’m not too sure of the story and didn’t feel like looking it up, or I’m familiar with a story, but I’m not quite sure it’s about said character. Examples of these are Suicidal Sadie, Clockwork, Candle Cove, Rejected By Disney, and Herobrine. There are also characters who are somewhat popular, but not extremely so. These include Suicidemouse.avi, BOB, and Sonic.exe. I apologize for not including these, but alas, I’m too lazy. Google them.

TYPES OF FANS (Note: This might be offensive to people who fit some of these descriptions, but will say “Not all of us are like that.” To these people I say: I really don’t care if I offend you. If I do, write your own guide. This is partly educational, and partly comedic. Deal with it.) There are different types of fans of Creepypasta. Some are obsessive, some hate other types of fans, and some are reluctant. Let me explain:

Fangirls: These types of fans seem to soften Creepypasta by shipping (pairing two characters together romantically) and comedy. And while there’s nothing wrong with comedy, the shipping is a bit annoying. But that’s just me. Anyway, some seem to be romantically attracted to certain characters (we’re looking at you, Jeff), and obsessed in general with others. Some are very misinformed, like those psycho idiots who stabbed their friend 19 times. The misinformation will be covered later.

Die hards: These kinds of fans don’t really like the fangirls. They’re more into the actual horror, and accuse the fangirls of making Creepypasta less scary.

Reluctants: I’m not quite sure how many of these types there are, but I know there’s at least one: me. These fans stumble upon Creepypasta by accident, and are unable to sleep for quite a while. They develop an obsession, and their fear of the characters/stories comes and goes.

MYTHS AND MISINFORMATION Now, there are a lot of things that aren’t canon but are still considered that way, even though they aren’t. For example:

Slender Mansion: As far as I can tell, this was devised as a way to have Creepypasta characters interact with each other. It’s supposed to be owned by Slender Man. Now, those girls who stabbed their friend wanted to go there. Except, it’s not even canon. Shipping: Quite a bit of shipping that goes on isn’t quite canon. Well, maybe the Jeff/Jane ship, since it was implied that Jeff had a thing for Jane (though Jane wants to kill Jeff). But some, like the Clockwork/Ticci Toby (Note: Ticci Toby is, as far as I know, a proxy. I’m not quite sure if he’s canon) aren’t canon. And don’t even get me started on the gay ships.

Splendor Man, Trender Man, Offender Man: These guys aren’t technically canon, at least in Creepypasta. Splendor Man is a “Happypasta”, which is pretty much the polar opposite of a Creepypasta. According to Happypasta, Splendor Man is Slender Man’s brother. Trender Man is a meme, and is supposed to be Slender Man’s fashionable and possibly gay cousin. Offender Man is…something, and is supposed to be related to Slender Man, and is a rapist or something.

Different Universes: This was somewhat touched on in “Slender Mansion.” Basically, unless otherwise stated, Creepypasta characters don’t live in the same universe. Jane and Jeff do. Slender Man, his proxies, and the Rake do. But Suicide Sadie and Eyeless Jack, to name two, don’t. A lot of these characters don’t interact with each other, since they don’t coexist in the same universe. It would be cool if they did – a Slender Man/Jeff the Killer canon crossover would be awesome – but they don’t.

And that’s the guide. I hope you’ve gotten some information and insight about Creepypasta. Despite the fact that it’s nightmare fuel and has ruined some childhood loves for me, it’s still actually really interesting, and there are a lot of people who would be sad if something happened to it. Most fans aren’t like those idiotic psychopaths, and if Slender Man does exist, I hope he hurts those girls. We’re not all homicidal psychopaths; some of us are just talkative psychopaths, like me. (P.S. You news organizations don’t know jack shit about Creepypasta.)