Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25688537-20150713171118/@comment-25037895-20150713174542

Your story would benefit from some development, it jumps right into this game on the internet, and it's not clear why the main character was killed. It seems like the events are centered around pushing the intensity of this game. There's no reason for the main character to finish the game either, the bug that causes the security system to delete itself also seems like it's there to rack up the intensity. The events seems like a checklist of sorts without enough description or connectivity to leave an impact.