Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10284124-20150411161004/@comment-26007602-20150411164458

The most glaring issue is the total overuse of ellipses. You're trying to build tension with these pauses, but they don't work for two reasons: one, they are not pauses, and you look melodramatic using them to try and build tension. Two, they make absolutely no sense in a journal entry, the author would not try and build tension in his own journal. I'm not sure why you're story was deleted, but it may have been for this reason alone.

There are some fairly large walls of text on December 19 and 30. You should split these up so they're easier on the eyes.

December 8 update, where our protagonist passes out, doesn't really make sense. He's writing the entry whil a ghost lady stares at him? I don't like how the entry is cut off mid sentence. Seems cliche and implausible.

I think the beginning is cliche as well. He starts keeping a journal and "just happens" to be haunted shortly afterward? Don't start it like that. Start it immediately after the first worrisome haunting or show this as an excerpt from a larger journal.

Other than that, there's not many other problems I see. You could put this through a word processor to fix the grammar errors, as I'm not going to comb through the entire thing. Definitely reduce the number of ellipses to zero; they shouldn't be used outside of dialogue at all.