Talk:It All Happened in the Parking Lot/@comment-26054278-20180209005725

It has been a while since a Creepypasta has made me laugh. Unfortunately, this particular pasta was intending nothing of that sort.

"It All Happened in the Parking Lot" goes beyond the realm of confusion and down into a path of sheer nonsense by it's climax, reaching a point of pure hilarity. Before this point, however, is an odd, underdeveloped, and poorly constructed ride.

A pet peeve of mine, and a trope I've seen throughout Creepypastas, is the "I don't want to write this/I don't care if you read this" method of introduction. Ideally, this would draw the reader in to see what the author's reasoning behind this is, but not only has this introduction been overused, but its also often applied in situations where it makes little sense. In this case, why would the author post the story? This story contradicts itself immediately afterwards by claiming that the author does want the reader to know what happened to him, so what's even the point of having this introduction? I could understand him perhaps being hesitant to post something so strange and personal online, but the introduction doesn't take this angle.

Anyway, there are basic structural issues beyond this. The way the story segues from this intro to almost instantly running into the Annelid Man, the mysterious being in this pasta, has little to no build-up. When we first meet the Annelid Man, it basically comes out of nowhere and has very little impact. Very few details are provided before he shows up, so the sudden appearance falls flat.

Additionally, the descriptions within this piece are very lacking. I'll talk about this once more when I talk about the ending of the story, but in this specific part, the Annelid Man's description is very generic. The author overuses the word "black" and gives little else in the way of describing the eeriness of the situation than claiming he has a "disturbing aura" around him. Without vivid descriptions or proper build-up, the story is already setting itself up with clear disadvantages.

A couple plot holes/minor issues exist alongside some of the more major problems. For one, the author describes how he never see the Annelid Man arrive or leave, but is able to state the exact time he arrives and the exact time he leaves each night. Secondarily, I find the excuses our narrator gives us regarding the reaction of his parents and the reaction of his friends to be a little hard to believe. The man would show up every night for over 2 years, and not a single time did anyone try to go with our narrator to see him? Not even once? The explanations the story gives, about them simply refusing or not caring, aren't sufficient given the lengthy amount of time.

(On a side note: when this story gave the "monster" a name, and continued to use that name repetitively, I got the impression that the author wanted this being to become a popular character in the Creepypasta community. Provided my theory is correct, I can presume he did not succeed, as I've heard absolutely nothing about the Annelid Man before reading this.)

Now, onto the disaster of an ending.

The way the main character randomly decides to get closer to the Annaled Man makes very little sense. It is implied that maybe the Annaled Man somehow forced him to do it (with never-established mind powers, I guess?), but doesn't make sense given what we know about the Annaled Man and given the fact that, over the course of two years, our narrator has never reported feeling compelled to approach the man before. Up until this point, the narrator has done everything of his own volition.

Yet, this isn't the funniest part. The funniest part is the description of the Annaled Man's movements, following after the narrator reveals why he's called the "Annaled" Man. Using words like "grooving", the author tries to make a case for this man basically sliding on the floor is terrifying. I hope you can see my problem here.

It all comes down to how it is explained. The action isn't gross, it isn't delved too deeply into, and the way the author uses words like "slide" and "grooving" makes it seem almost like a dance, which gave me a rather amusing image as I was reading that part. Ultimately, this lack of word choice and quality description made what should've been the highlight of the story into something rather goofy.

Yet, the ending gets worse. Suddenly, as the narrator attempts to go back inside (now having free will again, apparently), he randomly feels compelled to not leave the man, and, suddenly, no longer wants the Annaled Man to leave. The way he describes the Annaled Man as having "stimulated almost every emotion in me" makes it seem as though the narrator has gone from dreading his encounters with this being to romantically loving it. The quick change in thought doesn't add up at all, and it only added another funny element to a story that was already overly amusing.

If you're going to try and have an emotional connection, even if it with a monster, take a cue from something like [Forgotten Valentine]. That story, while having a creepy monster, was mainly about romance, and that romance was developed heavily so it would produce an emotional reaction at the end.

Now, this story doesn't have to go that route and have a romance, but the way this story forces in an emotional connection feels very out-of-place, nonsensical, and even a little manipulative. Why should I care about the Annelid Man at all? Why do you even care about him? It simply doesn't make a lick of sense, and it ends up being the note the story concludes on.

Overall, "It All Happened in the Parking Lot" does have some laughs, but ultimately is a pretty poorly written Creepypasta. I really couldn't find much to like here, and the only thing keeping it from a lower rating is the fact that the author does show a decent handle over the English language.

2.5/10.

(P.S. - The constant swearing gets grating quickly.)

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