Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44781210-20200126141542/@comment-9041013-20200129004041

There are a bunch of plot holes in this thing as William pointed out. The biggest issue is that the narrator sounds awfully like a typical American young adult rather than some alien life form. The lingo of this piece just asks me to suspend my disbelief a little too much.

You've to make this narrator seem more distant and less of a barking, more of a biting type of dog.

This needs a ton of works, change the tone, add some meat, and make me want to believe in this instead of making me look for why this is even logical.