User blog comment:Widward/First Review Done/@comment-26399604-20180604145745

Widward's back!!!!

Hey, I checked out your recent critique and thought I'd help out a bit. Below, I pointed out the areas you should take a look at. Be sure to clean up your posts prior to submitting them. It was hard to understand some of your pointers and took a few reads to do so.

You do seem to bring up some valid points that can really bring a story down. However, for this post and future one, I recommend that you leave a link that points to the original story and author. This would allow people to read it and decide if their opinion mirrors what you are critiquing.

Also, I wanted to point out that you never went back to explain why you thought the protagonist was a female -- you brought it up and it wasn't addressed again. That last little nitpick I have is maybe including some positive thoughts. Good critiques usually have a balance of the two -- things you thought the author did well and should've focused on and things they did poorly (I think you have the part down lol).

All in all, I'm happy to see you kick-off your critique series. I hope to see it grow bigger and better. Feel free to keep us (Wiki) in the loop (at the very least, me) Good luck!

''Areas you should clear up from your post. See brackets for changes:''

The story begins with the main character waking up at night she (you'll see why I'm assuming the main character is a female later) sees a zombie out of her window, the story never [explains] what [the] was zombie doing, what it looks like, and it has no bearing on the plot[.] [She] reacts by thinking it's someone in a costume[.] [Why] would she think that[?]

[She] sees a note that said the most cliche thing you'll ever see in a note[:] "I'm haunting you for eternity you'll never who and what I am. I am your nightmare. Now turn around pretty face." So the monster is some sort of comic [relief]. [Something] you should never do when writing a HORROR story.

She shrugs [, which] kills what could have been a good set up and [tension] this story could have [had] even though [it] wasn't big to begin with[,] turns around [and] she sees a dark figure on the wall[.] [She thinks] it [is] a prank, again killing any [tension ;] the beast grows, even more terrifying. Now, the main character is horrified. [She] closes her eyes and yells[,] "I WILL NOT DIE TODAY[!]" then she wakes up.

It was all a dream [and] she looks [out] the window. She [sees] the same zombie [from] her dream. [She] panics and looks behind her she [sees] a note but this time it said "SHADOWS"[.] [Since] the same thing is happening to her, it kinda makes the scene with the dream pointless[;] [it] [was] nothing but filler. She tries to call her mom but [received] no response [other] than [an] unknown voice [which] said: "You made the wrong choice." What choice? There was never any choice. [She] heard a chainsaw noise in the background. What's stopping her from running away? The creature appears [at] her house [then] kills her with a chainsaw. Here [some] advice[:] if you're gonna make creepypasta be like a past experience that you had[,] [don't] make yourself die[;] it kills any believability your story could of [had].

There's no setting, no build up, lazy writing, it's boring, [has] bland characters and just a waste of time.