Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24957984-20140623145607/@comment-24821182-20140626123121

This introduction is pretty good, I think. It'll be interesting to see how the story will progress from here.

A few errors I noticed are listed in the following (in the order they appear in the story):

"I can't believe you brought something to me!" (*for me sounds slightly better.)

"..the house's warehouse..." (should be either "...the warehouse of the house..." or the more preferable choice "...the storage of the house...")

"The door knob is not that old to fall." (sounds weird.)

"I have a pretty sensitive skin..." (a is not necessary and could lead to misinterpretation.)

"...the warehouse's door knob..." ("the door knob of the warehouse" would be more correct; implication of possession is most commenly done with an apostrophe when speaking of a living thing's possession of something. If a non-living thing - like a house or warehouse - possesses something, you typically use of instead.)

"I take a look at the garden by the kitchen's mirror..." (I think "mirror of the kitchen" would sound stange, so maybe you could just say "I take a look at the garden by the mirror in the kitchen...")

There's also some lack of punctuation, but I think that's minor.