Talk:Faith/@comment-28266772-20190105233443

General Quality – So overall the story is mechanically sound. No grammar errors, etc. Stylistically I think you craft characters and dialogue quite well, seamlessly creating a sense of the family/people quickly and effectively. You use foreshadowing and the early Biblical quotes to quickly give the audience a sense of what the story is about in the first few sentences. This all works well, and you pull it off cleverly.

However, the plot itself suffers as a result. The story doesn’t really have twists and plays out exactly how you’d expect. You foreshadow things so heavily that the story loses any tension. I knew exactly where this was going from word one. Overall, it comes off as cliché. Also, there isn’t much mood or atmosphere, so the ride is predictable and the scenery isn’t very interesting.

Overall for the prose I’m going to say 8.5/10. I can tell you’ve honed some skills very well, but there’s not enough meat to this story.

Horror factor – I don’t think this story aimed to be particularly scary it was still a fun horror. I found the horror factor in the idea of the child living with an abusive family, the implied scale of the father’s murders, and the inevitable sad future that will follow from his legacy. However, like I said there is no real tension so I never felt any real scares or thrills. 6/10

Deus Vult – The religious themes are worked in well. On a personal note I’m not a big fan of cults, so it’s hard for me to offer a hard opinion on this aspect. It’s a valid choice and I think you made it work, but it’s a very well-worn idea. 7/10

Entertainment value – unfortunately the story reads a bit plainly. You set the path out and the story follows it predictably. You do everything else very well, but without a really exciting core to the plot, something original or surprising, it loses most of the momentum early on. 6/10

Overall, let’s call it 7/10