Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25458443-20171119010412/@comment-25941663-20171120140024

This is better, but I feel it needs a bit more work. In the second verse, 'through' and 'into' don't rhyme well, and from the third verse onward, you use the word 'body' thrice in the span of three lines. I feel the repetition does not work in favor of the poem.