Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4750363-20150630000327/@comment-25230922-20150630031230

Dialogue sentences are still sentences. Punctuate them.

"In middle of my yard there was a hole now, round and big. I could easily fit through it, if I wanted. Curious, I crouched and peeked into it, but didn’t see anything other than darkness. Curiously, it didn’t look like a tunnel, or some animal’s den, it was as if there was an underground cave and the hole was on its ceiling. Just darkness everywhere. I returned home for a torch and directed its light inside."

Well, duh, it's not an animal den. If he can easily fit inside, why would that even come up? Also, in broad daylight (which I'm assuming this story is), unless the hole is extremely deep, there should be SOMETHING visible down there.

" The watery noise continued during the whole day, but after a while I managed to tune it out. It being very low helped too, and in a sense, it was relaxing. I had a normal morning at work, nothing special happened. As I lived near of home, during my lunch break, I returned to talk to Barney and see what was down there."

As I lived near home*

" I found him in his yard, digging. He had done a two meters deep hole and showed signs of wanting to go deeper. “Barney, what are you doing?” He had some kind of harness around him, tied to a nearby tree.

“I want to see if I find it in my property too. It certainly seems big enough for that”

“What are you talking about?”

“The ocean, bud! You got an ocean under your house!”

For a moment I thought the watery sound had made me mishear it. “The ocean…?”"

My issue here is that earlier you explicitly said there was a floor. Did it get randomly covered in deep water? Also, knowing that there is an ocean under a house, why is his neighbor digging to it? There seems like there would be a danger there.

The behavior of the characters is odd. How are they being affected so much and why is it that only the neighbor decided to go seek help for it? Why would the main character lampshade the need to go get help but not do so?

Why does the hole make things silent inside but cause trouble out? What's with the box? Where did the hole go?

Your story leaves me with a lot of questions. There's also some grammar errors and awkward phrasing.

I did like the twist and where you were going with this, but there's just something I can't quite put my finger on. It's not that badly written, but it definitely needs some work.