Talk:Evil Stick/@comment-11245888-20141112234545

The story needs serious work, spacing aside. The characters' dialogue varies from being overly poetic without using contractions: "Harry? What the hell has happened!?" and at points inconsistent, such as the old woman, who seems to talk like this in her first appearance and then no longer speaks without contractions towards the end.

Also, why is a picture of the girl cutting herself with the grin and the open eyes an autopsy photo? Autopsy photos are taken during the disection of the human corpse after death, wouldn't the father find the fact that the image had even been in the autopsy photos? Why'd he suddenly seem surprised by it only when it appeared on the wand when seeing it at the morgue would be even more horrifying and have even more sinister implications?

In short, you took a very recently uncovered urban legend which we don't know yet and wrote a story about it-- that's awesome, but the prose needs work and the dialogue isn't very well done. Maybe this could just be a first draft, but if you craft a second draft carefully you could have a whole new CreepyPasta phenomenon on your hands and I'd like to see that! :)