Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25383866-20141021090212/@comment-25425104-20141022222443

A few things:

1) You have a lot of similies, sure some is ok, but you went over board with them.

2) You need to add a comma in some places as well, so the reader knows what you're trying to say. I.E. - "He reflected as he sat there that the room belonged in darkness."  (Found in paragraph 6.)

3) In paragraph 8, you seem to skip from one scene to another. " He left the room, closing the door quietly behind him, and walked to the office, his duffel slung over his shoulder. He rapped on the window until a light flicked on behind the glass and the manager appeared." I understand the main character was indeed walking to the office, but it seems as if it was implied that he was tapping on a window on his way to the office, versus having already arrived there.

4) I also had no clue this man was in a motel, until I read further down. However, you do hint it I noticed by stating the character wondered how many people slept in the bed before him. (Found in paragraph 4. )

5) I do not understand on why he did this or why you added this prior to stating the manager scene in the following paragraphs. "He went and turned the neon “No Vacancy” sign off, the light fading slowly from its reflection in the window until it was completely grey, drained." (Found in paragraph 20)

Besides a few minor capitolaization errors, and punctuation, this was superb. Very nice vocabulary. I hope to see this finished!