Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31532017-20170215123526/@comment-31532017-20170215133950

Gonna break it down, originally I had an idea for as I wrote this down; the male in this pasta revived his girlfriend using dark magic, but it wasn't working out and he started regretting it & she too had ideas of her own, basically it's implied that she killed him in the end. But half-way through this, the execution felt, too off with that kind of idea and I decided to branch this off with another sub-idea.

Given the size of this pasta I originally had in mind, this was gonna be relatively short. Had I included other scenes prior to this, it wouldn't be effective as such and would be a real pain in the ass to read. Prior to having the liaison, he was invited to her apartment; you guess it, it was supposed to be the life of his time but he sees her true self among the reflection multiple times and when she goes into the bathroom, he begins to regret it, hence leading to this scene right here. Had I written that, anyone would be seeing the twist a mile away; and would've lost its creep factor.

Fixed the water part and the last part you mentioned, and many thanks regarding the information about the dialogue. And regarding the descriptions, I'll probably try to reword it as robust as possible. As for the eye part, yeah; gonna agree with you, was generic. Would murky black work as effectively as a substitute though?