User blog comment:Fightmebae/Bruh/@comment-27629228-20160204005548/@comment-24101790-20160204010051

Starting with the basics, you pick up and drop rhyme schemes randomly. Your poem isn’t free verse so you should follow an established pattern (ABBA, ABAB, etc.) You can't just tack rhymes on randomly and then abandon the scheme when you can't think of a rhyme.

There are rhythm/flow issues. Try to read this couplet together for example. “Upon the hill, an old man stood./Some ask if he should just leave, and he would if he could.” See how awkward that sounds, that's because it doesn't follow a meter. There are awkward/slant rhymes: “He found the man, and went to talk./What happened next surprised the jock.”

Here is a more in-depth guide to a lot of issues that were present in your poem. I would strongly suggest going to the writer’s workshop with your next story as you’ve had multiple stories deleted and all of them were well-below our quality standards.