Talk:The Shambling Guest/@comment-35711173-20181029081121

Hi,

You do have issues with the story. I've seen a lot worse but you need to clean it up.

When I run it through the free mode on http://www.grammarly.com, it finds 21 spelling, 14 grammar, 24 punctuation, and 19 conventions errors. That's in the free mode. Perhaps a dozen of those are because Grammarly uses USA rules and you use UK rules, but most of the errors are in basic English. You should carefully look at every one of those. Grammarly isn't 100% correct but it's better than 90% correct.

I ran the first half of your story through http://www.scribens.com. (It exceeds the limit to run all at once.) Just the first half showed a dozen run on sentences. Here is a typical example:

"Of course I did consider just pretending to patrol, and going to hang out by the bins for half an hour instead, but the voice of good sense in my head scolded me for my overreaction, and I went on my way around the hotel car parks, around to the front of the building, where my experiences had all taken place."

That's a 61 word sentence. By the time your mind catches up to the end of it, it's lost the first half. Judging by the number of run-on sentences in the first half, about one sentence in twelve needs breaking up.

Have you read the story out loud.

I suggest taking your story to the writer's workshop in the forum. People will proof it and give you help there.