Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26535938-20150626230942

Don´t watch porn...

At the time this story takes place, I´ve been 15 years old. I went to highschool, had average grades, normal interests and my life in general has been nothing special. I wish it would have keep beeing like this. On the 26th of january happened something unusual. In the 3rd lesson, informatics, when the teacher went outside, my friends googled the simple word ´Porn´ and clicked on images. I haven´t been into that stuff yet. But everyone of my friends watched it. So I took a look too. Scrolling through the site, seeing naked women, I felt a tingling sensation, which I never felt before. I got kinda ´scared´ and felt guilty for watching. So I stopped.

As soon as school has been over, I went home, turned on my pc and chatted some with my friends. A little time later, before I wanted to go offline, I thought about that feeling. I got tempted to search for those images again. Sin got over me and I lost a part of myself, replaced with something uncontrollable. I didn´t notice that back then. I had nothing on my mind, just the urge to do dirty things. So I did. I felt relieved, relaxed, but kinda guilty at the same time. Was it wrong to look at something like this? The mental deformation began.

In the next couple of days my mind began changing. Due to the amount of porn i´ve watched, I started looking at my female classmates in a different way. The face didn´t matter that much anymore. It was the body i wanted. Also, I got addicted to porn. I watched it regularly and I often could not stop. Eventually it got even to the point where I watched really weird categories, which still made me horny. I think it´s because your brain becomes used to the ´normal´ stuff that it wants even better content than before. And that can only be achieved through ´harder´ or weirder stuff. I didn´t even feel the sensation anymore, let alone guilty. This brought me to the point where i´d even enjoy sadistic content. I never thought about what I became. Once I began to watch it again, an advertisement popped up. It said: „Click here for some dirty cp action ;)“. Even though I didn´t hear ´cp´ yet, I knew what it meant. I sat there and thought about clicking on it. I was scared I would like it. But would I have been at the point of even liking this sick stuff? I took a moment to think about myself. A feeling of depression mixed with anger and emptiness came up. It felt horrible. To bring up some good vibes, I needed to click on the ad and watch it without getting horny. That would proof me that I´m not that sick. With a flicker of hope, I clicked on the ad and watched the video. The uncontrollable thing fully possessed me. I could have been crying. Why did I enjoy such a thing? Realizing what happened, I ran to my bathroom, looking into my mirror. There I saw it. That thing. A demon had possessed me. Smiling over my shoulder. Tears began to flow. Regretting the minor mistake of googling that word. How could I end this nightmare? „Don´t worry. I´m always with you“. Laughing about me, it said this horrible thing. I nearly got insane. I screamed through the entire house, punched in the mirror till my hand started bleeding, trying to get rid of the demon. „It´s of no use, boy“, it said. A complete meltdown. Suddenly, it led my way to my room. Showing with it´s ´fingers´ on my desktop. The video was still going. „You´re tempted to do this too, aren´t you?“. It was right. I knew that at some point, I could not controll myself and would just rape a child. Even more tears came by knowing of what I had to do. There was no other solution. I grabbed a knife, let water flowing in my bathtub and wrote my goodbye letter to my beloved family. I had to end this nightmare. It was the only way. I layed down in my bathtub and had the knife in my right hand. Thinking about my life. Regretting every mistake i made. Saying sorry to everyone I´ve hurt. It was so depressing. I didn´t want to die. But I could not end up raping children. Blood came out of my wrist, as I cut it open. My view fading black. Seeing the demon ascending over me. „Goodbye“, it said with this terrifying grin. It was that grin, that made me realize, that it was it´s intention to see me die. Becoming sleepy, I closed my eyes and let my spirit ascend. Who would have thought it would end like this? 