Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28959401-20160716061410

Hey, I need feedback on this before redoing this.

Author's Note: I didn't come up with this idea, a personal friend of mine did when he was recounting a dream he had twice in one week. So, this story is his idea, I am just adding my spin to it. Enjoy the story! (Also, for those who don't know, Cincinnati is in Ohio, USA.)

My alarm clock blares with the sound of the local news as I struggle to get out of bed. Looking over at the aqua blue hue of the clock, the time reads: 5:30AM. Stopping the alarm, I sigh and began to turn over and stare at the ceiling for a few minutes while listening to the rain, and the cars pass outside my bedroom window. I finally manage to crawl out of bed, feeling like oversized sandbags are weighing my feet down as I walk over to the windows and peer through the curtains. The day was grey and windy with a light drizzle. The downtown Cincinnati streets had a decent amount of people walking on the sidewalks and a few cars passed here and there. Nothing special at this time in the morning.

I close the curtains and I begin to wearily tread over to my closet, I get dressed in my favorite suit and coat, and I walk down the stairs towards the kitchen. As I walk into the kitchen my wife, Maggie, is looking over a newspaper. I stroll on over and I peer over her shoulder.

"So, what'cha reading?" I ask with a hint of curiosity.

"Just the paper, interesting times we live in today."

As she continues, I make my way over to the cupboard and I pull out some coffee grounds and began to make my morning brew.

"So, what's currently happening to make our times 'interesting'?"

Maggie would stutter for a second before saying, "I-I-I can't remember for the life of me..."

"Ah, okay dear... Tell me when I get home, okay?" I then proceeded to look down at my watch, and it was already 5:50AM.

"Man, I gotta go, nearly gonna be late at this rate!"

Grabbing my coffee and heading out the door, I start up my car and began to drive to work. As I drove, boredom began to set in so I turned on the news station on my radio.

"Welcome to 700WLW! Your source for your local Cincinnati news! Real quick update, there seems to be more and more recent cases of amnesia and violence around the greater Cincinnati area. Be on the lookout for anything suspicious in your neighborhood. Now unto Lori for the traffic update!"

"Currently the traffic for downtown Cincinnati is clear, even in rush hour. Odd for this time of season, but at least you won't be late for work! What's next Bill? I have seem to have forgotten."

"Up next is the weather-"

By that time I shut it off, as I didn't want to hear more about the rainy, miserable week or about some odd happenings. I arrived at the office, found a parking spot, locked the car and headed in. As I walked into the lobby, the receptionist was not at her desk. But seeing as I wasn't new by any means to the company, I would just go up the elevator and explain to my boss that she wasn't at the desk so I just went up the elevator without checking in.


 * Ding*

The elevator reached the 34th floor of my office; as I stepped out of the elevator, only half of the lights were turned on. I kept walking down the corridors until I reached my cubicle. I placed down my belongings and began to look around. Emptiness, there was no one here, and I just began to notice...

turning out of my cubicle, I begin to speedily look around the office. Today wasn't a day off... So where -was- everyone? Just then I stop in the break room, and I pull out my phone and looked at it, no reception.

"What's happening?! Something is not right! I had service just a few minutes ago! I got to find everyone!" I shakily thought.

Practically running through the halls now I stopped nearly instantly to a screeching halt when I saw a group of people standing motionless in the main hallway near the boss's office. I sighed with relief, and I began to approach the crowd.... But something was off about them when I looked at them. They were all too motionless, no slight adjustment of weight, no looking over at anything or anyone. Just like if they were all mannequins propped up in the hall... I stopped and called out to the group. Some of them turned around and stared at me as if I was their worst enemy.

"What's happening over here? Is the tower out? I don-"

I didn't have time to finish my sentence as one of them yelled out,

"Who are you?! We don't know you! Get out! Why did you put us here? Where are we?!"

Just then I began to back up, slowly raising my hands saying,

"Hey! It's just me! You k-k-know! Jackson! From I.T! what's gotten into you guys?"

By then the group was walking towards me, all of them now, there was... God... Twenty? Thirty of them? I can't remember... It's a little hazy. But anyways after I tried telling them who I was, they began to them sprint towards me. Howling, and clambering towards me in one huge mass of flailing bodies. I was now desperately running through the office. The screaming was deafening now as they were getting closer, and fast.

Just out of the corner of my eye I saw the elevator. As I attempted to turn the sharp corner, I slipped and slammed into a cubicle. Scrambling to get up, I didn't notice that my foot was caught under the wall I smashed into. By now they were almost on-top of me. I clawed at the rubble of the wall and at the last second, I became free. As I got up, a few of the mob in the front fell and slowed everyone else down. Just barely enough time to get to the elevator.

I ran and ran until I pressed the button to the lobby. Most of them were merely a few cubicles away from the doors. The doors finally started to close, but right before it closed enough to not let anyone in, one made it in screaming that he would get me and do... Many bad things to me that I have no recollection of... Why can't I remember? God! You think I would! Doesn't matter anyways! So, I had to get this guy off of me, and fast. I went for the neck, wrestling him off me and choking the man out.


 * Ding* "Floor fifteen" The elevator automated system stated.

The man hit me in the head and I stumbled off him, and that's when he was about to go in for my eyes. Just barely dodging him, I turned and slammed his head into the wall, causing him to fall on the floor, unconscious. but just to make sure I delivered a hard kick to his head. Running out of the elevator and through the lobby. Behind me I heard more screaming, but not from one of them... But from a victim, but I knew I could withstand another fight head-on.

I got into my car, turned on the engine and floored it. I tried the radio, but all there was on was the Emergency Broadcast System telling of a high spike of crime and violence and to stay indoors and wait for the authorities to work everything out... Not wanting to hear any of that, I turned off the radio and looked in my rearview mirror. Oh god, I was like the Pied Piper, with an army of "Rats" behind me. I wanted to go home... But where was home? Where is home? What am I getting away from in a hurry? I can't remember... I've ran out of gas and Im... Somewhere... Can't think straight.

But... All I have left to say is this, stay away from the Cincinnati area! It's not safe... And don't forget that... 