Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-451089-20160220063918/@comment-25941663-20160227145630

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"he though that it must be the cold" - It's "he thought".

You have dialogue writing problems all over your story. I will not point them out to you, so you can practise finding those technical mistakes. I suggest you read this to help you out.

"on my sight" - It's "in my sight".

"I feel asleep then woke up" - It's 'fell' instead of 'feel'.

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I'm afraid this wasn't good. As a plot it was uninteresting and didn't have much going on.

Your grammar and vocabulary were good, but I'm afraid as a creepypasta this falls short. You certainly have potential, especially since you have most of the basics covered, so you just need more practise. I suggest you continue writing and reading (it's more important than you think) creepypastas and you'll certainly improve.

Also, a little tip: Here the narrator's friend's story wasn't needed. Your creepypasta is short, so writing a horror story inside a short horror story isn't the best of practises. Keep that in mind for the future, but above all, keep writing.