Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28041803-20160323213856/@comment-24101790-20160323214940

This needs a lot of work. Setting aside the formatting issues caused by using tildes, there are a lot of punctuation (Punctuation left outside of quotations. "Tinkles?", asked Judie.". Punctuation missing from contractions and sentences. ""Well ok, Let(')s get some food from the kitchen(punctuation missing)"", ""Right...", Tinkles said Sinisterly.") capitalization (Words improperly capitalized. "Tinkles said Sinisterly."), wording ""My mom and dad don't allow boys over, not even you.",said Judie wordily.", "Its (It's)been over 10 years since Judie left"), and story issues.

Your story needs a lot of proof-reading. You seem to forget that you're telling the story from Tinkles' perspective ("Sometimes, Judie plays dress up. I dress as a clown and she calls me Tinkles.") and switch to a third person narrative (""Right...", Tinkles said Sinisterly."). It also seems incredibly unlike that Tinkles would be able to kill Judie's parents, prepare them into steaks, and cook them without altering Judie at all. It also feels extremely convenient that Judie would only remember her parents are vegetarians (and not her?) only after eating the steaks. I'm sorry, but there's a lot of work needed here and the story is not up to quality standards.