Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30084820-20161026195347/@comment-27905100-20161026225555

I agree with empy, and on top of that, it was extremely confusing for me. I had no idea what was going on, and I probably would have if I had read more carefully, but honestly, the story was so rushed, and the Wall of text so large that I didn't want to.

In all honesty, this story was not "pretty good". I wouldn't call it utter shit, because it wasn't, but you should probably just scrap this version entirely and rewrite it.

If you do want to use this version, though, put quotation marks around the dialogue, and separate that with at least a double-return, and separate the different parts of the film as well, because this just got so jumbled that I couldn't read it.

On top of all of this, I myself do not believe that the found footage genre works well with writing, unless it's written extremely well, and I'm pretty sure that most people will agree with me on this. You could, instead use a genre quite similar to this, but adapted for writing. This genre, I'm not sure what it's called, is basically where you find a journal or some sort of text (it could be clipped from different sources), and that tells the story.

Sorry if this review seems bullyish or over the top, but I would like to be honest. I can see that you write well, and good luck with your future works.