Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25768285-20141127001307

Sorry for taking anyones time but i would love to get some feed back for this pasta.

Welcome... you sleep there, bare with no care of what may happen in a second or two. Now listen to the tale I’m about to tell and maybe you would think twice before you close your eyes. There was boy of various origins. Some say he is made out of fire, others say he is human. He sat on the steps of the church before 02:00, before the bell rang. It began to rain, however this boy did not take shelter. The boy stayed out. Watching as every car passed by, eyes black the priest came out to say he is the rigid one of god. No remorse, no soul nothing but his lurking presence. As he waved his cross in protection from this boy, he spoke these words before his end.

There were three that were created, angels of light, humans of clay and finally the beings created from fire. What this boy was, he had human characteristics however with a glace you could tell he was not one. The boy said “You have all but forgotten about us.” The street lights erupted as the boy consumed the priest.

Hours later, the police saw the bloodied cross. Dripping from the foundations of the church’s bells they saw the priest crucified. It began to rain once again, alarmingly the church doors opened. Police stepped in. Walls covered in black paint the floors had a message. “You have all but forgotten about us…” signed Derek Shadow.

Who was this boy? The man asked. Nobody knew. The car was left unattended, they walked back to the car, doors however shut. The echoes of the screams could be heard from the microphones it went dark with the words…

“You have all but forgotten about us…”

This was only the beginning…

It’s 02:00 at a normal home. You sit there watching your late night programs, with all the lights switched off. You turn to the news of the incident at the church.

“Oh, well their loss. This can happen to anybody.”

And indeed it could even happen to you. You walk into the bathroom, your bathrooms light no longer works. You take a candle, light it up as you see the message written all over the bathroom mirror.

“You have all but forgotten about us… when you see this message, no longer will you sleep alone, you will be watched, and you will never find peace” signed Derek Shadow.

Slowly you turn around, walking into the hallways of your house in order to get to your room. You notice a person. In the corner of your eye, a demented howl echoes through your hallways as you run into your room slamming the door shut. You bard the room with your chairs and your bed hiding in your wardrobe for hours.

You look through the keyhole, and you notice that your room has been painted red with the message but this time it says.

Once you sleep, I will strike.

Hours pass and morning comes, you smile thinking you are safe. However this is not the case, as your eyelids begin to close you enter a deep slumber.

You wake up in a hallway filled with mirrors; in the mirrors are reflections of yourself. Whispers in the wind begin to echo and chime through this long hallway. Chair emerges with a figure sitting on it.

You do not look at it twice, as you begin to fear it would be the death of you. "I do not sleep, I do not stop..."

<p class="MsoNormal">You slept now I’m looking for you.

<p class="MsoNormal">A mirror emerges in front of you with the reflection of the faceless demon behind you. He points to the mirror “What do you see…”

<p class="MsoNormal">Looking into the mirror, there is a pool of blood, with bodies dangling with every drip the pool fills up. In the mirror a figure walks to the nearest person hug by the neck. Slowly taking the sack from its head is you. Slowly you move back in disbelief, as the shade this creature that adopts a human body walks closer. Revealing its face a mask, its eyes revealing what truly happened. You look into its eyes you see yourself being dragged from the wardrobe. The next frame shows your body being dragged into an abandoned swimming pool with hundreds of others dangling above a pool of blood. You join the ranks as your arms and legs slowly shake and tremble due to the loss of oxygen and suffocation.

<p class="MsoNormal">What happens now….?

<p class="MsoNormal">The figure returns to his chair saying “What am I, who am I… Have you forgotten?”

<p class="MsoNormal">“You are Derek Shadow.”

<p class="MsoNormal">You wake up, being suffocated… Blinded by the sack on your head, you are submerged in a liquid your hands bound. Something removes the sack from your head, it is Derek he holds you by the neck. Slowly licking your cheek... Are you scared of blood? Are you scared of drowning? Can you swim?

<p class="MsoNormal">You are plunged into the blood... you will feel something beneath you… as they pass you, you feel their hairs. They emerge by the thousands small and large… you see eight eyes, eight legs... arachnids. As their venom is injected into you paralysing you… they begin to slowly devour every ounce of your flesh. “You will call my name; I will be sitting there in the Shadow.”“Derek, save me!!” You say.

<p class="MsoNormal">He walks into the pool of blood wrapping his arms around you, “You won't be able to see my face, but you will feel my bite.” As he bite into your neck and shoulders and start eating you away as my arachnids eat him as well we will both suffer… “You will remember us; you will become one of us.”

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Around me are children, adults and teenagers hanging by a noose dangling being feasted upon by my little minions, you will join them too but your body is mine.

<p class="MsoNormal">The last thing you will see is my mask, as you touch my face as I chew on your fingers, I am who you want me to be. I will not stop biting, I am the person you love I can be a man, a woman or child… I will adopt their form and make you realise how love can bite back…

<p class="MsoNormal">And there you are eaten in a pool of blood as the last thing you will see are my teeth gnawing on your eye balls.

<p class="MsoNormal">The message will be burned into your mind “You have all but forgotten us, but now you will remember.”

<p class="MsoNormal">The epilogue… oh there is always an after story. You will see me slowly drawing people around you, the ones who you love will all join you… so do not be afraid. I will carve them up in front of you so you can feast on their gums.

<p class="MsoNormal">“This is only the beginning… of Derek Shadow.”

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">- Thank you and kind regards sorry if this took up your time. - <ac_metadata title="My deleted story *Derek Shadow* First pasta (i started living this dream because my cat died three days ago) I would love some feedback if possible"> </ac_metadata>