Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4138999-20150312232918/@comment-25170312-20150313043733

I'm not sure it's possible to help without doing a huge rewrite, but I can tell you why it was deleted.

There are significant issues with grammar, sentence structure, and overall communication. It's not so bad at first, but by the end I almost had no idea what was going on because it was written so poorly. I would be specific but it's just too overwhelming.

Then next issue is with your choice of words. Mustard yellow is not creepy. The monster as you described it is not creepy, but rather silly. At one point you said you were feeling "crusty pain". I laughed pretty hard at that, sorry.

Finally, there's not really much of a story when you get down to it. Here's my summary of the story: Protagonist eats mustard sometimes, sees a mustardy yellow "branch" thing in a picture, then sees some not-very-scary-sounding footprints by a shed, then sister draws something vague with a head shaped like a spade that scares protagonist for no apparant reason, sister throws drawing away for no apparant reason, then protagonist sees spade-headed thing in a painting, then there's a midget outside, then you have power and water troubles, you're thirsty, you're still thirsty, apparantly you're still thirsty, you're in a field with a silly looking monster, you're trapped in the darkness, you can't get to your family, the silly monster is coming oh no the end. You never gave us any reason for anything. I guess the monster was stalking you for years or something or maybe you've been dead the whole time or I don't know, it's just a mess.

I hope this wasn't too painful to read, but keep at it and you will get better. Don't give up, please.