Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180822020522/@comment-33488654-20180822173954

RedNovaTyrant wrote: Alright, I had fallen asleep before I could review it. It's interesting, I like how you made use of that legend. I also liked how Cooper got progressively creepier with each encounter, very good.

Alas, we come to the criticism. Much of what I'd say has already been said: you have the skeleton, now add the meat. The story is also rather choppy, and there's a lot more paragraphs than there probably needs to be in its current state. Rather than fuse them together though, extend those paragraphs with more description and story.

You've got a good concept for your first CP, and you've written down the structure - now fill it out, fill in the empty space. Also, you don't always have to refer to Cooper by his name - the beast, the demon, the undead creature. Use words like that to add another layer of description to Cooper. Gives a bit of variety and flavor.

I second Dr. Bob's recommendation, take a look at Wizard's rewrite but don't copy it word for word. It might help even more if you put yours and his right beside each other, one major component in the difference can easily been seen this way. Then, analyze his text and see what he does to the story, how he fills it out.

I get that I'm pretty much reiterating everything that's been said, but it's all I got and you were looking for me haha. Oh, and just a note for using the forum, you don't need to comment on someone's story asking for a review, or if they're still there. We all (usually) get notifications if there's been an update or comment on a thread, so we know when to come back anyways. The Workshop is kinda like the tech support of CP: you post something, wait on the line, and then someone will return to you with improvements and tell you to call back ;) I also looked at his text, he has lot more detail to the story about the death of Cooper, and the demon form he comes back in, along with what happens when light is shined on him.