Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25389512-20140910005311/@comment-25394259-20140910023558

I felt like the main character was weak. Instead of saying he's sarcastic and cynical in a sarcastic and cynical way he just spits the information out at us like he's reading an essay for his class. Somebody with a sarcastic personality would probably try to shrug of the incident for a while, maybe even make a joke about it, before running for mommy. Also, Empyreallnvective had a good point. The story feels rushed and the follower doesn't even seem threatening. It feels like you skimmed through Funnymouth, made a basic outline of the story, and then just added names without any further work. It seems you forgot to copy-paste the ending too, however; you could have at least added one more sentence like "As I hurriedly clicked the messege away, I saw something outside my window, and I knew that I wouldn't be falling asleep that night." Anything besides a cliffhanger with too much ambiguity for any speculation on the reader's part.