Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24872476-20140513023913/@comment-24821182-20140513050146

It's a forum rule that "Your story must be copied into your actual post on the forum."

Anyway, I'll tell you what I think.

Instead of having the story take course over 3000 days and keeping diary entries very sporadic, make the story's timespan shorter and focus on writing more frequent and informative diary entries. If the diary is the main character's best friend, it makes no sense that he would go several months without writing in it.

Also, why is there only one diary entry between day 1500 and 3000? That's a very long time to go without writing anything, and not knowing the date doesn't justify putting away the diary. If that thing is his best friend, he would continue jotting down some notes.

Lastly, your story makes no sense. Being in the Mental Illness-category does not give your story a free pass to be incomprehensible to the readers. We are given very little and very random information to work with, and at no point do you elaborate on who Cheryl is, even though she appears to have left an impact on the main character. We don't who the followers are, we don't know how a child survived by himself for so long, and we don't the identity of "Him".

I didn't like the pasta, and I wish you had posted it here before submitting it to the main site.