Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20140918223710/@comment-25052433-20140919015238

I am actually opening a pack of Juicy Fruit as I type this review. It just seems...appropriate.

What went right:

-I'm a smoker. So I get the reaction that some people have when I light up. Sometimes it feels as though a cigarette marks me as a social pariah. I never really thought of chronic gum chewers that way, but I can understand how a habit, when held by someone, can become their label.

-The character development was there, as always, for both of the main characters, well done on that front.

-What I really liked about this story, is that it had a very noticeable Stephen King feel to it. A lot of King's short stories, revolve around the most mundane of topics. King writes these very well, and in this case, you most certainly did as well. It was impressive to see how something as basic as chewing gum could be converted into a good pasta. Well done all around.

-I liked the ending. I sort of saw something bad happening when the last piece of gum was put up for grab, but I didn't expect the girl to turn into some sort of murderous monster and kill her friend. Good job on a twist ending that I didn't expect.

What got stuck on my shoe like a chewed piece of gum:

-A lot of the plot development in the beginning doesn't seem to make sense. You describe this girl, Elizabeth, as being beautiful and even exotic looking. Then you write her up to become a social outcast just because she chews a lot of gum. Now, I've been out of school for a while now, but what I can recall is that pretty, popular girls seemed to always have a piece of gum in their mouths, usually popping bubbles and snapping the substance all day. One thing I never saw though, either in high school or college, was this habit to produce a negative impact on someone's reputation.

-Kids are shallow, high school and college a like for the most part. If a girl is pretty, she will be automatically forgiven for most any terrible habits she may have. Gum chewing most certainly wouldn't rank as something that would make people avoid her.

-Her sudden rise to popularity, based off of befriending a new kid, doesn't really calibrate either.

-One great idea that I thought of in this story, something that would explain everyone avoiding her all those years, would be to hide the plot twist within the gum, not within the girl. I would love to see the reveal at the end be that all these years, what she considers gum, was in fact some internal organ, or bloody piece of meat, that she just walks around chewing all the time. I was sort of expecting that actually. That is just one thought that popped into my mind as I finished reading your story.

All around I did enjoy this, and I think it is an awesome story as it stands. Very unique and original concept for a pasta, and a great read from start to finish.