Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20180815224155/@comment-9041013-20180816110937

RedNovaTyrant wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: Oh Sleep is a bad thing now? wow... that's dumb.

Sleep is love, sleep is life, quite literally that is.

As for the story; that is exactly how you make a ritual pasta... there's nothing to magic or surreal about it, other than the Sandman. On top of that, most of the details have some sort of anchor in reality, I don't know if you did this on purpose or it just came about like this. You do get far more tired with each passing amount of time after your body tells you to lay down. It's actually hard to stay awake and focused. Conditioning can also help you increase or reduce your need for sleep in the short term. In the long term, you have the sleepless elite who are people who can fully function without any adverse effects after about two hours of sleep a day. It's mental but true. Also, all of the Sandman's trickery is actually what tends to happen when you are sleep deprived, albeit on a longer time span of deprivation, but it is what it is.

People might think sleeping less is better, but it's worse, because your body just goes into overload once you exhaust yourself too much and you start becoming unable to properly sleep. I've been there. I am there. Awful.

I like that the punishment for losing the game isn't too unrelated or severly outlandish, however, I'd switch it a bit to say that the punishment is a lack of peaceful sleep rather than eternally being stuck inside the realm of the Sandman.

Don't really have much negative to say in regards to your story, just fix the mechanical issues and you should be good to go. Hey, someone noticed the effects of sleep deprivation ;) Yeah, I tried to make the Sandman cascade them exponentially faster than they'd normally come, as well as keeping the game as grounded as possible so it not only seemed realistic, but relatively do-able.

And for the ending, I will admit, not happy with it at all. Way too generic and just, meh. I just kinda rushed that bit so it could be finished and I could at least share what I had so far - I prefer to finish the story than just post a fragmented piece personally. I'm gonna rewrite that ending, and I have some other bits to add. But thanks! You're welcome :)