Talk:Sarah's Story/@comment-26054278-20150720193738

I don’t know how to start this review, so I’ll just say that I think the title is really bland and dive right in.

On a technical level, this works perfectly. The English and writing is spot-on, with variety in word choice and essentially no typos I noticed.

The pacing is well done and it flows pretty well from beginning to end, even though I have my own problem with the “climax” of the story.

The strongest point of the story is indeed the characters and the relationship between them. I mean, I guess Morgan was a bit of a rushed character (I didn’t read the previous story before this one so that could be why), and I’m not completely sure what was up with Jamie, but the relationship with Sarah and David is done beautifully. It is realistic and just oozes personality from both of those characters. Definitely the strongest aspect of the story.

There is also a bit of progression with Sarah having to accept that David is dead, and also at the beginning as she comes to terms with the pregnancy and other elements. That is another strong element of this story.

In addition, this certainly is creepy at times. The malice shown in David would be terrifying, and it is rather disturbing to read some of the stuff that he says, especially in comparison to the previous things he had said before that happened. I did wish there was a bit more foreshadowing on it, but as it is, it works fine.

My problem is that I feel like this doesn’t feel very original at all. I mean, it feels way too similar to “The Shining”, and I saw it wasn't just me, as another comment noted it. At the beginning, it all seemed so unique and original, but as it went on, I noticed more and more similarities with that story/movie (whichever you’d like), as well as other stories about possession of demons.

I mean, I’m sure that Morgan was well established and served a different purpose in the previous story, but here, she literally seems to be this story’s version of Dick. I’m starting to think that this story really was meant to be a send up to “The Shining”, except if it was, that would technically fail as well, as I don’t feel this story adds much new to the story other than that beginning.

Therefore, this story, as well written as it is, just seems too uninspired at the ending in my opinion. A good effort, but I think some creativity would have gone a long way. 78/100.