Talk:The Crawlspace/@comment-4715955-20151107071620

I remember reading this before, but I coulda sworn I'd commented on it already.

The intro sets the story up to be a lighthearted one, and it's certainly not. This kind of disrupts the mood as a result. It's also terribly vauge at times, when it should be more specific, especially when the other girls are introduced as these formless, intangible things. When we finally learn that one girl's name is Stephanie, it feels like a new character has just been introduced, totalling five girls, which is confusing at first. Where it isn't vague, it's redundant, like in one passage that basically goes, "But these weren't ordinary footsteps. They were too fast. But these weren't heavy footsteps. They were light." Later we get an impossibly detailed description of a monster in near-pitch-blackness that grinds the story to a halt with a grocery list of traits. It's as if you wrote it all in the submission page and clicked "submit" without any sort of editing period, which wouldn't surprise me since it's a common practice here -- everyone wants to be a writer, but nobody wants to put in the time or the work.

Overall it reads like it wasn't proofread at all, and it's really not that memorable, probably largely due to the lack of concrete detail. It either needs to be revisited and given a major overhaul, or removed from the wiki entirely.