Talk:Something Is Wrong/@comment-4715955-20151112033150

Before anyone accuses me of being "mean" or "a bully", I'm frank with everyone, and I don't bullshit people. I'm also a trained critical thinker, unlike most of the readers who visit the wiki and leave empty praise on everything they read -- beware the opinions of people with no standards.

This story reads like it was never edited before submission: sentences are awkward to read from not being concise enough, the wrong word keeps popping up ("stepped foot in Illinois" should be "set foot in Illinois"), and some sentences, sometimes entire paragraphs, are unneeded or redundant. Really I felt myself nodding off before the halfway point, but I stuck with it in the hope that the payoff would change my mind about the story's quality. It didn't.

Some details are just preposterous. "I looked back at the girl and noticed for the first time that her hands and face were stained with gore." How, pray tell, did he not notice this IMMEDIATELY?

The whole plot is totally preposterous once the aunt's secret is out. She's summarized as a bit of a taskmaster, never fleshed out enough to make the idea of her chaining her downs syndrome baby in a dungeon believable, let alone feeding her husband to it. The smell alone would draw the attention of a visitor, nevermind the noises the child would inevitably make from under the stairs. The fact that she escaped means nothing, because even if she had a place to hide, she is anything but a master criminal: she would be found and jailed by the end of the year with all the obvious evidence against her. I could maybe believe this story if the aunt's cruelty was fleshed out rather than summarized, and the disposal of the uncle wasn't so careless, and the child was kept in a dungeon that makes sense -- one where nobody could easily stumble upon it or hear the child's cries -- but even then it would still be a stretch.

This story should have been edited and peer-reviewed by people who know better before submission. Maybe you've written other works that are worthy of a nomination of some kind, but this one isn't it. I'm surprised the wiki quality standards didn't already delete this. But you can take my word for it, or ignore me in favor of all the thirteen-year-olds who gave it the same praise they would have given to a funny tweet or a neat piece of string.