Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25044455-20140613034812/@comment-24918243-20140613062502

I'm sorry man, but the scariest part of the story was the grammar. :( It actually made it real hard to understand exactly what was going on after a while. But from what I did understand it was more cliche than anything else.

The gore was not only excessive, but it was pointless and completely unbelievable. It kind of reminds me of those slasher movies where they were sure to include some sex scene to guarantee the R rating. In this case, the gore and the JtK reference seem to be there just to make sure that you shock someone. Same with the cuss-words.

The whole story has more of a feel of an outline, than an actual story. And instead of coming out scary, it starts to look more like "The Eye of Argon".

I'm sure you can do better than that. You just have to keep trying.