Talk:Shard the Owl/@comment-24077689-20140414171936

This is an interesting story, points definitely for originality. Too much reliance on ellipses, though, totally misused in some places. I left them intact in other places for pacing, but it was still annoying.

There's too much of an immature, sort of high school-ish tone to the whole thing, it's a bit off putting. I might suggest writing this instead as a diary entry where that super personalized voice won't be so distracting.

It's not exactly creepy. The build up could use some work.