Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-43391742-20190804183542/@comment-5733573-20190805053638

There are lots of things that need to be fixed here. First, it feels really random. What does the child have to do with flowers? What does any of the ending have to do with flowers? You essentially took us along for a lengthy beginning section that ultimately adds up to nothing and then segues into a "scary" encounter, which in and of itself is nonsensical and lacking impact because there's no context or setup for it.

Secondly, the ending is very weak. If the character is trapped the way you've written it, how are they telling us the story? Why would they ever begin their story so calmly and pleasantly? It just doesn't make sense. First person POV must always mean the main character survives or else must place the reader in the same position.

Finally, the whole thing just feels rushed. It seems like you wanted to get this story out as quickly as possible. Take time to really flesh out and describe the details of the scary encounter. Allow us to savor each terrifying moment. Don't feel like you have to include so much within the space of one sentence. A creepypasta should steadily build a sense of dread that leads to a satisfying ending. It's not a race to get there. Similarly, we shouldn't spend two thirds of the story at zero only bump up to sixty for the ending.

Take time to decide what story to want to tell. Then decide how you can tell it most effectively. Starting with a solid foundation will make this whole process and the final product a lot better.