Talk:Oddball/@comment-5733573-20180617164406

This was okay. It's not very original, and it goes on way too long for the little that it says. There is far too much repetition, especially in the earlier paragraphs, but honestly throughout. For instance, you don't need to constantly remind us that the town is quiet and "normal." That's another thing: the constant appearance of the word "normal," often at the most inopportune times, is jarring and disrupts the narrator's established voice. I know what you were going for, but I don't think it quite works. Finally, the constant use of the word "would" is clouding your story. It's difficult to tell where the exposition segments end and the actual events of the plot begin. I strongly suggest looking this over again and cleaning it up.