Talk:Little Brother/@comment-25723459-20141119162739

There's a few changes I'd make, it's an okay plot line but too short and not enough gruesome detail. It's seemed a little too fast paced for the story, and i kept losing interest. Maybe a few tweaks here and there might spice it up? Maybe make it momore to where you can tell the narrator is a girl, and give ages and a bit less of the "i have a unique reason to be afraid of such things", and give a first person view of the attack, like from Jake's point of view rather than the sister. I think there'd be more drama with Jake overhearing Sarah's mom ask where Max was, a lump forming in his throat. but overall it's a good idea for a story.