Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32764586-20171113013242/@comment-24101790-20171115212939

Awkward wording: "Mark sat up in bed, gasping for air that eluded him for quite some time before he was finally able to breathe once more." and "His eyes were empty with nothing but the sockets and a faint glow seemingly emitting from the back of his skull."

"Long claws protruded from the being(')s fingertips and his skin was pale as paper"

I would also try to avoid restating the protagonist's name multiple times in the same sentence as it can come off as a bit redundant when you've already identified them as the subject. "The dreams always consisted of a man who would slip into Mark's room and watch Mark from the dresser.", "The dream would end with Mark dozing off again, to which Mark would wake up in the morning refreshed and ready."

The story could use quite a bit more fleshing out as these sections feel like re-treading the same grounds. "He had seen the creature again. The creature had plagued his dreams as a child." (first paragraph) "Mark was now much older, and he had just had the nightmare again, yet he was still just as frightened of the monster as he had been when he was much younger." (second paragraph) without much really changing in-between (It almost feels like his diagnosis with insomnia and being prescribed medicine is missing from between these sections.). Also the twist that he hadn't taken his insomnia medication feels really shoe-horned in at the end when there isn't any proper set-up to it.

All in all, this story needs quite a bit of work as it feels like there are sections missing which set up key plot points like the insomnia medication and how it helps them sleep. Here's a link to a story called Diloxodin which utilizes a similar twist in a bit of a more effective manner. Right now this feels pretty rushed. Currently this one's going to need quite a bit of fleshing out before it's ready for the site.