Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30084820-20161026195347/@comment-7064562-20161215144940

I hate when people use age or the fact English isn't there first language as an excuse. If you write something in English and publish it anywhere it has to meet a certin quality. We don't give pity passes to people.

You need build up and inner dioalog. You're just telling what happens (Poorly at that) and not showing or making it interesting. Also it's a wall of text, the " " are used wrong, and I don't understand why names are in the (bubbles) like that.