Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27628405-20160131223214/@comment-24101790-20160201165302

This story wasn't up to quality standards. You really should have waited for feedback in the writer's workshop. There are punctuation, wording, and a number of story issues here.

Formatting issues: You need to space out lines so dialogue doesn't get clumped together like this: "“Alex?” “What?” “I can’t help but wonder, what would have happened to me if I hadn’t gone into your tent?” “I’m not sure, but I’m just happy you’re alive”"

Punctuation errors: Punctuation missing before dialogue continuation. "“Hey babe,” Nika started “how was work?”", "“No, not yet,” Alex walked over to Maxine(.) “Hey max, were you good?”" Punctuation missing from dialogue. "I’m not sure, but I’m just happy you’re alive”

Redundancy issues: "With the tent zipped and her sleeping bag in her tent, she cuddled in his sleeping bag with him." Really avoid repeating words multiple times in the same sentence.

Story issues: The build-up needs a lot of work as it isn't until two-thirds of the way through the story we hear about the monster. "Right at that moment, Alex remembered the thing that was out here. “Nika, do you remember the creature that ranger told us about?”" You also don't describe the creature at all which makes it odd when you use lines like this: " She didn’t know why, but that thing out there reminded her about the creature." This really makes an uninteresting story

Story issues cont.: The epilogue feels tacked on like you wanted the story to be longer but got impatient towards the end. "Epilogue: The campsite has been covered over in concrete and the forest has been cut down. The city of Amani has planned on adding the area to the nearest highway." I'm sorry, but the premise is generic (couple encounters monster in the woods) and the description/build-up isn't very good which results in the story being below our quality standards.