Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24881951-20140701233056/@comment-25037895-20140702114201

"Remembering that you need to sleep, though, you decide to shut your eyes. After a few seconds, they reopen, for you simply aren't tired enough yet." This section is a run on sentence, revised it would be: After a few seconds, they re-open. For, you simply aren't tired enough yet.

scold yourself silently -- "scold" is maybe not the right choice of word there

"If it really is just paranoia, and you truly are alone in your room, how come you refuse to look directly at any of the figures around you?" This part just feels like too much for one sentence. It's a little unnecessary, and I think it detracts from the story.

so turning your head to do so would -- so turning your head would

"That may very well be the reason, as your eyes have gotten heavy, but there could also just as well be another reason: an emotion you don't want to admit you feel, the same emotion that all those stories you read intended to cause." -- This sentence stands just fine without the last segment like this: [That may very well be the reason, as your eyes have gotten heavy, but there could also just as well be another reason: an emotion you don't want to admit you feel.]