Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24937172-20141009145757/@comment-24821182-20141009153907

I dealt with the formatting errors causing some of the paragraphs to have a scroll bar (the result of starting a new paragraph with an indent). However, the story still doesn't hold up to quality standards; not even close. The main problem is the grammar:

You use different kinds of quotation marks to distinguish dialogue, which is aesthetically unpleasing. You don't put thoughts in italics, which is the normal thing to do. When you write things like "he/she said" at the end of a piece of dialogue, you seem to capitalize the first letter of "he/she". Furthermore, you're not supposed to end a piece of dialogue with a period when it's followed up by "he/she said".

Another important thing to mention about punctuation is that one exclamation mark will always be sufficient; you never need three.

You're also supposed to start a new paragraph whenever person A says something after person B, so it's easier to tell who is saying what. You also seem to capitalize the first letters of random words, "Plane", "Breakfast", and "Night".

I will refrain from commenting further on the grammar and simply say that the story itself isn't exactly terrific. The guy plots to kill someone to get his girl, then his plan backfires. I would have liked it a lot more if you added more substance to it and did a proper build-up to Mr. Rennings going down the homicidal maniac-route.

Also, Butch saying that the name of the spider doesn't matter leaves me wondering if the author himself knows what kind of spider crawls into people's noses and eat their brains. If no such creature exists you can always make up your own species.