Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24957984-20140827235442/@comment-24957984-20140828011623

CassistRabbit wrote:

'''“I know that just rant about school will never work for real. I need to find or do something to entertain myself to avoid getting caught while doing stuff.” '''

This doesn’t really seem necessary. I know the story is very short as it is, but unless a phrase or sentence has some impact on the story or character, take it out. Don’t say beforehand that the MC needs to entertain himself; just cut to the part where he actually does and the reader will probably see for themselves that he truly is bored.

Is the drawing controlling the MC’s actions? I’m confused by this. You really need to give some explanation as to how this is happening, or else the reader will probably be too confused to continue. Not everything has to make sense in fiction, but believability is (usually) an important factor in a story decided to scare.

This was interesting, and I liked it because of the short length, but I really didn’t quite understand what was going on. The idea is interesting, but it really isn’t scary, in all honesty. The MC should feel like they (or someone else) in in some kind of danger, and here I didn’t really see that. Still, with some revision, I think this will probably be accepted to the wiki because of the originality; it is written fairly well overall.

When teh drawing get the main character's pen, the thing is supposed to be controlling the sutuation, but sometimes he fails, but I'll try to make things more clean, even though the images can explain by themselves later.

I'll also try to make it a bit longer, I suppose. I might post the revised version later.