Thread:Tacomancer.69/@comment-4750363-20140224141129/@comment-4750363-20140224142324

Sure! Allow me to tell you the details that make this be under quality standards:

-The story is kinda rushed, in terms that it jumps between plot points way too fast. You're there, going into Facebook, then to the page, then an animation, then UNPLUG THIS NOW. The fact that you use commas really often don't help to make this feel more paced. I recommend you take some time to flesh out more every plot point. Go into more detail, but be careful not to make it excessive. I think it's nice to bother to include how the protagonist felt, so you're on the right track!

-I personally find it not very believable that the protagonist would have this in his mind the whole day. But that's just personal opinion, so don't pay attention to this point!

-The biggest flaw: Six, six, six, six, six, six, everywhere. 666 files, the image of 666, etc. Do you have any idea of how much this kills any sense of quality a story has? There are better ways to try to creep the reader, man. It's matter of experimentation, try to stray from what has been already been overused. Also, the real number is 616, not that I'm telling you to use it. It would be the same as if you used 666

-Suddenly pictures of mutilated corpses. And not even a description, just...'mutilated corpses'. Eh, doesn't work, I'm afraid. Everybody has read so many times that suddenly dead bodies appear, that it just...kind of tires out, you know? I recommend that, if you're going to use SUDDEN GORE PICTURES appearing, then you try to give it your own touch of originality.

I think that is all. Props for using a new subject for the story, and for taking your time with the images.