Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26407997-20150615020350/@comment-25148755-20150615151547

I can't get over that nothing the main character does makes any sense. They are going to a robbery in a broken down car...makes no sense. They are speeding on their way to a robbery...also makes no sense. He feels guilty that the people they robbed would 'lose their homes'...why exactly are they going to lose their homes? A lot of people have insurance in the event of theft. How  did the police know they were going to be there that night? Why did the main character rush at a boatload of trigger happy cops armed with nothing but his fists?

The whole 'trial' is somewhat more interesting. Its a good concept. It starts off ok when he gets to see all his wrongdoings, but there's not really any sense of tension. You don't go into what the stakes are or describe anything that is potentially going to happen to him if he is found guilty...I mean I could assume some stuff, but you don't really go into any detail.

All in all, interesting concept that needs to be better fleshed out. Make your character use some common sense actions in the first part and better describe the scenario in the second.