Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25073641-20160610180030/@comment-24463401-20160624054922

Looks interesting so far. I'd like to see where you're going with this. Overall your writing is consistant and keeps to the point. There's just a few places where your diction feels a bit odd or unnatural, but that's to be expected of every up and coming writer. That could just be your style, too. When I write, I tend to use more short and concise words when describing things. I guess what I'm trying to say is to trim the unnecessary fat of your sentences to make it more easily understood to a casual reader or at least keep complex vocabulary to places where it's necessary. Then again there's novel that don't do this and are still recognized as classics like Infinte Jest, but that style of writing requires a lot of practice to be able to pull off and canmake a reader lose interest. But if you're comfortable with your own style, then by all means, go ahead. You do you.

From what's here at the moment it looks like you might be expanding into some alternate history/horror, or atleast containing horror elements, which is something that I've never actually seen before. If I could just give a little advice about alternate history, if that's where you're going, is that it's more important to focus on characters in the story rather than the setting and history itself. I know its really fun to world build but people want to be more connected to charaters and their struggles without being force fed lore about where they happen to live. Not exactly sure if that's where you're going, but thought I'd just leave that tip anyways.

But good good job with this, Ruckus. And good luck if you submit it to Whitix's contest.