Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25326117-20150827040037/@comment-25825682-20150914205243

Replying to your request and sorry about what happened to your head.

Well, I'm not sure if the story is scary to me, but that's just my opinion. Is the plot meant to build on a strangeness with Chad or a psychological torment of the main character? Either way I did not entirely see it, but I did see a possible build on Chad's behavior which could get to something creepy. As for the main character, I don't know much about this indivdual. If this character is meant to go through a psychological change, it needs more developement.

I'll admit I'm not too good at reviewing stories this short, I question too many things. So far I'll say it could build on some parts and become more engaging.

As for grammar...

1). "I don't want to tell you about the experiences I had at that place because that's off-topic." Doesn't need the comma.

2). "People have often committed on my legs before and (we) was to the first to give them a compliment..." Change "we," to "he".

3). "The rumor was that Chad had a sister that went to the same school as us and Chad had raped her." This part (Chad had a sister that went to the same school as us and Chad had raped her.) would pobably read better as "Chad had a sister that went to out school and he had raped her," or something like this, however you choose to write.

4). "I started avoiding Chad after that and kept going in circles about whether to (comfront) about the rumor." Change to "confront," also add him after it so it flows nicer.

5). "Chad, (WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HER?") she had demanded..." Hmm... maybe you should write that not in caps. The intial message could still come across with a description of facial ques, actions or even descriptive adjectives after the "she had demanded," part.

-Joke: Don't underestimate the importance of body language.

6). "If he wanted to have sex with me (than) he would have (ask to me)." Should be "then," also change the second one to "he would have to ask me," so it reads better.

7). " I didn't ask him because it would be awkward asking the guy out, right?" Can remove that comma.

8). "I didn't want any awkwardness (to be built) between me and Chad..." Scratch that and put "made," for a better flow.

9). "They got mad and my mom's ex said he was going to contact Chad...." Should be ex-fiance still, so readers can keep tract it is still him.

Last bit of feedback, I have no problem reading descriptions of people reading as "white, black, etc.." but it giving a better description like "His complexion was like the copper of a penny," gives more to the imagination.

Well, that's all I got. The story could develope into something if more was described by the characters actions. That way, then the plot of the main character and Chad could develope into something creepier, from Chad's first peculiar statement on her legs. This is just my opinion though. Hope this helps.