Creepypasta Wiki:Deletion Appeal/Archive 21

The Truth
This is one of my first stories, which while does not necessarily give me a free pass, it leads me to question if that is the sole reason for deletion. I do not see how this story goes against any of the guidelines. I have read the quality standards over and over again, and I have read the story over and over again. While it is inspired by other stories such as funnymouth, it is not a ripoff in any way. It uses only one minor aspect from funnymouth, which is the happy reoccurring dream turning sour, but that's not the meat of the story. I am not angry in any way (sorry if I come across that way), but I am just... confused. I also counted the number of cliches. One. Only one. If there is not a large number of cliches, no elements of critical importance stolen, and it is not against the quality standards, can you please un-delete it? Cheers,

GREATEST1Official (talk) 14:56, October 4, 2016 (UTC)

Story here: http://pastebin.com/s2z63KcX


 * I'm sorry, but the writing is just off. It's dry/robotic and awkward, and the story is underdeveloped. There are also little issues here and there with tense and punctuation, but nothing major. Please read over our How to Write Creepypasta page, writing advice pages, style guide, and consider using our writer's workshop for feedback.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 01:32, October 5, 2016 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the advice!
 * GREATEST1Official (talk) 14:56, October 4, 2016 (UTC)
 * GREATEST1Official (talk) 14:56, October 4, 2016 (UTC)

The Evacuation
After having my pasta deleted, I reposted it in the Writer's Workshop where I learned what were the problems with my story. I think I raised it to the quality standards. Here's the last revision of my story: http://pastebin.com/Pu3QFr8t Graiovski Tek (talk) 09:23, August 6, 2016 (UTC)


 * Unfortunately I think you're rushing this a bit as you're still overlooking a lot of issues. A lot of the issues I mentioned are still present in the story. What I pointed out was not a comprehensive list of everything that was incorrect and this revision still has a lot of issues. I'm going to have to turn this appeal down due to the number of spelling, capitalization, wording, punctuation, and story issues still present.


 * Spelling: "I can't belive (believe) what's happening in this block!", "His name is Bruce and he tries to make live (life) horrible for everyone", "Then he opens the door to the entrance and I hear a deafening shreak (shriek)", etc. There are more instances of this throughout the story.


 * Punctuation: "I'll wait before the cops come here and find you pointing a gun at me(period missing)", ""Do you think I'm gonna show you my back while you have a gun pointed at me.(should be a question mark)", "I told you to leave when your parents died. Why didn't you listen? My patience reaches an end - always.".(extra period not needed)", etc.


 * Wording: "I don't suffer from double personality or anything." do you mean multiple personality or dissociative personality disorder? Double negatives. "His eyes were full of fear, but that didn't make me think he didn't do it." Avoid using two negatives (not, no, never, etc.) in a sentence as it isn't correct. :Capitalization: "Give (Give) me to the cops?""


 * The awkward wording is back in full: "Fastly (quickly is a word, but fastly isn't.), I raise the bat and lower (awkward wording) over his body and hit him in his head and then on his right hand and then I grab his pistol.", "Does he... think I am the killer? How dares he?", "Then I fastly hide under my bed and try to not make a sound."


 * Story issues: You change tenses a lot throughout the story from past tense ("He turned to leave, but I felt the need to do something, so I grabbed his shoulder and he pointed the pistol at me with trembling hands.") to present tense ("Joseph smiles and fills me with fear. He turns again, but I just can't let him kill anymore.") and back. You need to be uniform when telling a story as there are no shifts in time. Also since you're shifting tenses, it feels odd that at times you write the story as if it's happening in real-time like this: "I don't have a gun. What the... I must get one as fast as I can. I must move out of the block and get my gun." Additionally the first sentence implies he doesn't have a gun, then the third sentence contradicts this by saying he does.


 * Story issues cont.: The lack of description is still present in the story. Events like this feel boring without much emotion or description added to the scenario. "Suddenly, he pulls the trigger and the bullet flies through her neck. Gina doesn't shoot as she falls on the floor, dead. Clara, in the doorway, almost starts crying". Lines like: "Joseph feels an anger he cannot comprehend." also weaken the story as the protagonist doesn't know what Joseph is feeling as he is writing this from his perspective.


 * Story issues end: The appearance of the old man at the end really feels added in to the story. "He crawls near me with his mouth agape and looks me in the eyes. I hear a voice in my head, one that I remember, grumbling in a wicked way: "I told you to leave when your parents died. Why didn't you listen? My patience reaches an end - always."." There really isn't anything to connect him to the other people losing their minds and killing each other so it comes off as unnecessary. Additionally, when in the story did this encounter with the man happen when his parents died? It comes out of no where and feels tacked on. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here and a majority of them are with the story itself. Just correcting the mechanical issues isn't a viable way to get your story approved. You need to actually re-write and revise your story, get feedback and repeat the process. I', turning down the appeal based off of the issues above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:06, August 6, 2016 (UTC)

His Insanity
I've worked with EmpyrealInvective to address his issues with the story, and I feel it's up to quality standards. Here's the link. CappkaTalk 12:19, July 16, 2016 (UTC)


 * See your talk page.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 13:53, July 16, 2016 (UTC)

Demonic Whispers
I posted a story earlier just moments ago called Demonic whispers, which was deleted moments later after posting. I believe it does live up to the standards as not did I go over it 3 times, 1 once on open office, 2 on deviantart, and a third time before posting here for any grammar errors. Here's the link to the posted artical and deviantart -> link

The other 2 parts to the story can be read there as well.

Shikiira (talk) 18:12, July 24, 2016 (UTC)


 * I'm not the one that deleted your story, but after reading only about a fourth of it I encountered several issues with tense/grammar/punctuation/format/etc. Please read over our How to Write Creepypasta page, writing advice pages, style guide, and consider using our writer's workshop for feedback.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 22:58, July 24, 2016 (UTC)

Generalized Anxiety Disorder
I worked very hard on this. I think it's good. Why was it deleted?


 * I'm sure you did, and I'm sure you do. The problem is there were multiple mistakes in the first few sentences. It was deleted for not meeting the quality standards as the deletion message mentions. If you can't be bothered to read over those links or to read over the rules at the top of this page, why should I bother explaining anything? This is at the top of this page:


 * "Please note that this is not a place to ask why your story was deleted; it's for contesting deletions. If you'd like feedback on your story and/or specific reasons as to why it was deleted, you can try posting it on the writing help forum. Admins are not obligated to give a reason for overturning an appeal."


 * You have capitalization and grammar issues that are explained on the style guide page, which is linked in the deletion message.
 * I know it had some quality issues, I just want to know hat I did wrong specifically.
 * I know it had some quality issues, I just want to know hat I did wrong specifically.
 * I know it had some quality issues, I just want to know hat I did wrong specifically.


 * Please read over our How to Write Creepypasta page, writing advice pages, style guide, and consider using our writer's workshop for feedback.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 13:39, August 9, 2016 (UTC)

My case for my story "Mental Illness Isn't a Good Basis for a Horror Story"
I see my story about an obsessive stalker has been removed for reasons related to "quality standards." I assume this is because of my story's "wall of text" appearance.

Now, if you look at the actual story, you will see that it is divided into paragraphs. However, when I copied and pasted it from my word document, there was no space between the paragraphs, and I did not realize this. I can add that space in if my story is put back up.

Second, if the deletion was due to my "lack of a storyline," I would like to argue this. My story did have a plot, a beginning middle and end, an expisition, etc. To elaborate: - basic plot: BPD sufferer is driven by abuse and an obsessive nature to stalking their ex-boyfriend - exposition: narrator suffers from BPD and had an abusive ex - rising action: narrator has been obsessively thinking about the man who abused them - climax: narrator tells us that they are currently watching the ex-boyfriend through his window, revealing that they are stalking him - falling action: there is little of this, but that is common in many stories - resolution: author restates his love for the ex-boyfriend, and hints at the fact that he plans to do something to him (it is unclear)

I believe there is tension and good execution in this story, and it is well-written. I ask kindly that you put my story back up so I can fix the "wall of text" problem and keep my story for others to read and share.

Thank you.


 * It wasn't deleted for any reason other than being too underdeveloped for use of such a familiar concept - "climax: narrator tells us that they are currently watching the ex-boyfriend through his window, revealing that they are stalking him." It's not really your fault for not knowing how familiar this is, but that remains the reason. Your writing is fine, but the shorter a story is, the more original it has to be. Feel free to use our writer's workshop if you wanna get some feedback and work on further developing it.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 17:46, August 16, 2016 (UTC)

My appeal for Down In The Well part 1 of 2
Hello I've just been notified that my creepypasta had been deleted and I want to know why? I've just started using this page to post them so that might be one reason. The next one could be my spelling as I'm not very good at it. I do use a spell checker but sometimes they do get out. Also it might be that it wasn't finished as I was making a part 2.Or thta i had a massive block of text at one point.Another thing could of been the title with each word capitalized.The point is I really want my creepypasta back I spent 4 hours last night writing it. It really means a lot to me.


 * Like my number of messages on your talk page imply, your story was deleted for not being up to quality standards. As you've made no changes from the time of posting to this appeal, I'm denying your story on the grounds that it isn't up to quality standards. There are a lot of punctuation, wording, spelling, capitalization, and story issues here.


 * Punctuation issues: Commas missing where needed. "Welcome to Slough a town for everyone.", "we just had to deal with it pack", "Everything did look sad the houses white but slitghtly fading.", "The house did look ok and we thanked our new friend she also said her name was Anna.", etc. I suggest reading your story aloud to yourself to see where natural pauses come up and generally those areas require punctuation of some sort. Apostrophes missing from possessive words and contractions. "a present made by a vicar(')s money", "But thats (that's) just my opinion.", etc.


 * Awkward wording: "So like my whole family we just had to deal with it pack are (our) bags and go to this place.", "See just makes feel down doesn't it.(?)", " It wasn't much just a bed, A desk with a chair and a computer, a lamp and bedside table with some draws for clothes.", "It looked like it was frequently used as the rope was new and bucket was shiney with a wooden support and cobble finish which looked like (avoid reusing phrases as it comes off as redundant) it went quite far down", etc.


 * Capitalization: "We pulled up to our "new home" It (it) looked like the others white and faded", "a bit nicer. she (She) wore a dark blue dress and smart black shoes", "And before she left she asked if we where coming to church on sunday (Sunday)", "We had finished unboxing on saturday (Saturday) so my room was finished", " It wasn't much just a bed, A (a) desk with a chair and a computer,", etc.


 * Spelling: "Everything did look sad the houses white but slightly (slightly) fading.", "But not what I thought the sign ment. (meant)", "All the houses in the hamlet where (were) arranged in a circle", "The woman saw my intrest (interest) and explained", "And last of all was an attic which we where (were) told not to go up until we had settled in." etc. There really is no reason for there to be this many issues (there are at least ten other instances of misspellings here) as Word has a spell check.


 * Story issues: First things first, we don't accept unfinished stories. This wiki only accepts complete stories and yours really isn't standalone enough to be considered finished. In fact, there isn't enough to even qualify this as a creepy pasta. A majority of the story is centered around describing the town and its inhabitants. It basically is: 'protagonist moves to town, goes to church, meets Molly, and the story ends with a promise you'll finish it in a few days'. That really isn't enough to engage the reader and other than describing everything as gloomy, there really isn't a lot to convey that this is in fact a horror story. Due to the large number of mechanical issues and the fact that this story is unfinished, I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:55, August 21, 2016 (UTC)

Afterlife
I'd like to make a Appeal for the story I had posted called Afterlife, it wasn't A long story simple and to the point, but after being on your site for over 3 minutes, one of the mods, deleted it, and I feel it was unjustified I'm trying to find out what is the deal it, wasn't badly written and its plot wasn't terrible. So i'd like it to be returned please.


 * I'm just going to copy/paste the message I left on your talk page as you seem uninterested in reading the messages and the headers to save myself time. Your story was deleted for not meeting quality standards and this appeal is being turned down for the same reason.


 * Capitalization: "most wonder how it, feels simply asking themselves; Does it hurt?.", "I was just Alone (alone) really the thought of no one to talk to or to listen to me in on itself was simply maddening.", " this long lonely path, When (when) I was young I never believed in a god", "or The (the) burning pit’s of fire and brimstone known as Hell", "motioning out swaying and moving back and forth no sound from it just turning and moving, In an unnatural way nothing should ever turn or move for us.", etc.


 * Punctuation issues: Random punctuation. "most wonder how it, feels simply asking themselves; Does it hurt?.", "Day’s (Days) turned into weeks", "or The burning pit’s of fire and brimstone known as Hell", etc. You also tend to forget to properly use commas. "I wasn't scared anything bothered me fully anymore just everything seemed so calm so relaxing.", "I had passed the living moving on moving through seeing them live their daily lives", "I was just Alone really the thought of no one to talk to or to listen to me in on (of) itself was simply maddening.", etc.


 * Spelling: "The segment of seeing the very life leave my body, in that small ally, (alley)", " I though it had been all just a bad dream", "When I saw him walking down the road he was in fear running screaming like a mad man looking around,(comma not needed) every corner like the devil himself walk (was) looking for him right then.", "“Run, run you full (fool) or it’ll get you!”" etc.


 * Awkward wording: "The segment of seeing the very life leave my body, in that small ally, with nothing more than just strange.", "I wasn't scared anything bothered me fully anymore just everything seemed so calm so relaxing.", "Walking out of the alley, then I looked up to see the sky, there had been nothing just the endless armament (armament means military weapons or an army formation, contextually this doesn't really make much sense as you don't elaborate on why the clouds are threatening.) clouds, flowing through the sky, no sun, no moon.", "Just those long down clouds, I paid no mind for them.", "He looked seeing me, surprised shocked", etc.


 * Run-on sentences: "Though my body remained the same never aging never changing just me continuing on this long lonely path, When I was young I never believed in a god, I felt that once you died there was nothing but now this was something I hadn’t thought of was this all that it was you walking down on earth no one seeing you and just taking your long turn away from the world this couldn’t be it.", "For I a now god fearing man turn and ran leaving behind this home and place begging and praying that that thing will never find me looking to the corner of my eyes, for whatever that thing is, knowing it will come for me and takes me to whatever god or devil know’s where, and I pray to any deity that it never will find me, I’d even sell my soul to the devil for protection.", etc.


 * Story issues: The story is extremely rushed and basically amounts to a man dying, seeing a Cthulhu knockoff, and running home. I actually finished reading your story and originally was going to delete it for being unfinished, but then I realized that that was the ending you were going for. There isn't a whole lot of story here and what you do have is awkwardly told. I'm sorry, but this needs a lot of work.


 * Story issues cont.: The ending is extremely anti-climactic and there's no sense of resolution. "For I a now god fearing man turn and ran leaving behind this home and place begging and praying that that thing will never find me looking to the corner of my eyes, for whatever that thing is, knowing it will come for me and takes me to whatever god or devil know’s where, and I pray to any deity that it never will find me, I’d even sell my soul to the devil for protection." The audience is left wondering what the point of the story was as there wasn't any real involving plot or strong conclusion. Are we (the audience) to assume that nothing happened after this point and there was no explanation for the creature's existence or the protagonist's final fate?


 * I'm sorry, but there are multiple other instances of awkward wording, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, run-on sentences, and story issues so I suggest proof-reading your stories as it'll likely save you the embarrassment of a pithy message only to realize that your story is far from perfect. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:34, August 21, 2016 (UTC)


 * I do want to appolgice I didn't see the first time you told me that ws a mistake on my end, and I am sorry and I can look over it, and also, wasn't planning for that to be a cthulhu knockoff, and technicly not being a smart ass but cthulhu is a water being if your refurering to a being more closer to the sky you'd want azthoth, also i respect your desision but i think you should look over the sight since recently i had saw, someone had actually posted the whole novel no changes word for word of frankenstine and other works of H.p.lovecraft that also breaks the sies rules.


 * I was talking about the physical description being a dead ringer for Cthulhu's common depiction in media, but kudos on trying to name-drop. As for those stories being on site, I suggest looking up public domain as there have been no wrong-doings there (in fact multiple sites have the complete works of Poe, Lovecraft, Shelley, etc.) as the stories have been properly cited and posted within the law. This discussion however has no place on a deletion appeal as your story has already been denied (per the header). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:53, August 21, 2016 (UTC)

Raindrop appeal
Hello I have just been notfied that my creepypasta has been delete. Can I be told why? The name of the creepypasta is Raindrop. It is was going to be my first creepypasta to be put on instagram as I have a horror account. If my story is to small I will make it longer. I have spelled checked it on freespellcheckers.com so that shouldn't have been a problem.Also there was a page before mine called Raindrop so maybe that was a reason why? So why was my pasta deleted?

Raven&#39;s Aren&#39;t Scary (talk) 14:29, September 1, 2016 (UTC)


 * As with your previous deletion (and denial), your story was removed for failing to meet quality standards. There are spelling ("The sound the tiny water bombs make as the (sic) crash onto the walls of your home."), fragmented sentences ("As more crash onto your walls." As implies a comparison is about to be made or a conjunctive sentence. As more rain crashes into the wall, what happens next?), awkward wording ("The little splashes it makes from your ceiling dropping into a small bucket to collect the liquid."), redundancy ("the sound the tiny water bombs make as the crash onto the walls of your home. As more crash onto your walls." you use crashing into your walls twice and the verb crash three times in a six sentence story.), and story issues. Here is a guide on flash fiction that I suggest you read as your story needed a lot more detail and focus to be effective. I'm sorry, but this story doesn't work very well with the numerous errors and the fact that this topic has been covered a number of times before. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:37, September 1, 2016 (UTC)

My first creepypasta story "Suicide Pact"
This was my first story I've ever made. I didn't see how it was rejected so fast without a reason. Although it was my first creepypasta, it was a bit cruel to delete it without a second notice. I've checked my spelling, made sure it was short, sweet, and bloody, etc. I hope you read this and reupload it. I want everyone to see it. Thanks. FYI, I can't get the story now because you guys deleted it. You guys find it because you're the ones who deleted it. I can't do anything about it.

Lugal El (talk) 05:14, September 7, 2016 (UTC)Lugal El


 * Entitled much? That concept is incredibly overused, and you did nothing to improve upon it. There are other issues like tense/grammar/etc. Also, please don't create categories. 4chan is not a category, and the blog post category is only for actual blogs, not stories written in blog format. Here is a copy of your story - http://pastebin.com/dc46bqp1


 * Jay Ten (talk) 13:00, September 7, 2016 (UTC)

The Evacuation - revision
Hello. I revised my pasta "The Evacuation" and decided to try to get it approved again. Here's the new version:http://pastebin.com/N59M4svY


 * I'm sorry, but I have to deny this appeal. You have made improvements to your story, but I honestly couldn't read past the first journal entry because the writing is simply too dry/robotic. There are also still a few technical issues here and there, but you have cleaned those up quite a bit. Keep reading and practicing; you will get better if you want to.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 13:25, September 7, 2016 (UTC)

Dollhouse
Hello. I'm new to Creepypasta Wiki, and I posted a new Creepypasta yesterday called Dollhouse. Before I posted it I made sure there wasn't a single story with the same name or plotline- I searched this Wiki for other stories. After going through many steps, and editing the story, I want to know if Dollhouse can be appealed. I have pasted a link to the editied version of Dollhouse below. The link connects to Quotev, to my account and my published stories. You don't need to sign up to see the story. On Quotev, I'm known as Kiddo Palpatine. Please consider the appeal for Dollhouse. Thank you.

https://www.quotev.com/story/8491856/Dollhouse


 * I'm sorry, but there are several major flaws with your story. I can also assure you that you didn't search the whole wiki, because that would mean you read over ten thousand stories. I have added your story to the writer's workshop and explained how to edit it. I'm sure you will receive some feedback soon. I will tell you right now that it needs a ton of work before making another appeal. Please read over our How to Write Creepypasta page, writing advice pages, and our style guide. Good luck.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 14:41, September 7, 2016 (UTC)

Please bring my "Unple" pasta back.
I wish to bring my CreepyPasta back called "Unple" which is about a character who is home alone and his game begins to glitch and things get a little odd and unpleasant, which is where the monster Unple, gets his name. Unple(asant). and I wish for my Pasta to be undeleted. I also wish to point out that this was my first Pasta and I wasn't happy that I sat for hours and made a creepy face all for it to be deleted. Here is a link to my Pasta so you may see what apparently was wrong with it. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Unple   Pandabot2001 (talk) 10:12, September 17, 2016 (UTC)


 * I'm sorry, but your story suffers from a wide range of issues. Most of all, it is a haunted game. Those are blacklisted. Even if that wasn't the case, the story is filled with clichés, spelling mistakes, etc. It is a very long way from meeting our quality standards, and if it did you would need to make a spinoff appeal first. Please read over our How to Write Creepypasta page, writing advice pages, style guide, and consider using our writer's workshop for feedback.
 * Jay Ten (talk) 12:33, September 17, 2016 (UTC)

Dream Relief
I would just like to appear the deletion of my story, simple as that. I double checked and proofread the whole thing and put it through spellcheck twice so here's the final product: http://pastebin.com/7ibk5nxr

Thank you, and please get back to me about this ASAP.

(The four tidles isn't working, even in source editor, so I'll just have to directly link URL's. Sorry) Profile:

☀http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User:DatWriterBoi Talk page: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_talk:DatWriterBoi

Thanks.


 * I'm afraid this does not meet our Quality Standards. While as an idea it has potential, the delivery is lacking. It's all too sudden with no build-up. The biggest issue with this is, though, the lack of atmosphere. The story feels dry, it doesn't feel like we're in a dream. Just text on a screen. There is no description of the environment or the characters and that makes it difficult for the reader to immerse themselves in the story.


 * Lastly, this has numerous grammar issues. Two such occasions are the following:


 * "You know are dreaming" - You missed the word 'you' between 'know' and 'are'.


 * "built here on it's own" - It is " its " instead of " it's ".


 * I'm sorry but I have to deny this. If you want to improve your writing, I suggest you take future stories to the Writer's Workshop and you read the Writing Advice Blogs. They help out a great deal. MrDupin (talk) 12:49, October 1, 2016 (UTC)

The Creature in the Woods
Honestly, I don't know what's wrong with this creepypasta. Good buildup, a climax that has you on the edge of your seat and an ending that keeps you intrigued even when the story is over. The worst thing is that I don't have a copy of this creepypasta because it was deleted.

Signed, PokeNerf


 * First of all, Pokepastas are blacklisted as per the rules. Even if that wasn't the case though, this still does not meet the quality standards, I'm afraid. The climax doesn't do anything, there is no buildup (straight to action then back out again) and the ending also is uninteresting. There is nothing scary or creepy or noteworthy in this. I'm sorry, but I have to decline this.


 * Also, I highly suggest you save your work on your computer before posting it online. MrDupin (talk) 21:28, October 12, 2016 (UTC)

The Man in the Mask
I know that there were no grammar or punctuation mistakes. I specifically went back and corrected these. I don't have a copy of the creepypasta, but if any administrator can give me an example of bad grammar or punctuation in my creepypasta then that would be greatly appreciated.

Signed, PokeNerf


 * Sorry for being forward here, but since I marked this for deletion, I feel I should tell you why this appeal is being turned down. Another admin is free to step in and repeal my critique if they want. I'm sorry, but with the three stories you've posted in the two days you've been active on this site, I'm wondering if maybe you're not spending the necessary time on them? Within two minutes of reading your story which was about a page long, I found a lot of issues.


 * Here's why I marked your story for deletion. "Generic story, frequent spelling ("It was re (red) and black in color, with black handlebars and a black seat.", "When I decided t (to) take a shortcut to school", etc.), wording (Awkward wording: "The one day that I walked to save money for whatever reason it may have been, there was this man following me.""), and punctuation ("My nightmare didn't stop there'(why apostrophize there) though", ""Congratulations, Jack(punctuation missing)" my headteacher said", etc.) issues." I also overlooked the capitalization issues present ("The worst part was that There (there) was no-one around at the time", "At best, I would encounter a police officer and i (I) could tell them about my experiences with that man.", etc). Overlooking those (and the other issues present), there were a lot of story problems present in your story.


 * Story issues: It feels like you neglected continuity in your story. The biker's eyes for example: "The only part of him that you could see was his deep crimson eyes." to "He wore a biker mask and his eyes were a deep shade of purple." If his eyes are changing color, why not mention it in the story and build on this fact. It feels like you didn't spend a lot of time re-reading this story to catch basic errors.


 * Story issues cont.: There's a real lack of description or explanation here. "He didn't care about being subtle anymore. He wanted me dead." What about the way he's pursuing the protagonist make it seem like he wants them dead? Remember, you are telling this story and you should try to make it involving and interesting. To neglect basic details that would enhance the plot/suspense really results in a flat story. "There was no-one around at the time, so screaming would've done nothing. If I hadn't made it to school at the time that I did, I would've been dead." Was there no one else at school during this time. He's going there for classes at around the same time everyone else is, why wouldn't people be present. Additionally you can't really just wave off them not asking for help or telling anyone at first as the motorbike chase implies (but doesn't describe) that the protagonist feels endangered. Who exactly gets chased/threatened and just decides to ignore it.


 * Story issues cont.: "After that day, I never saw him again, and I never intend to. Let's not meet again." This feels like you ripped this right from a Let's not meet post but spent little time building up the tension or horror of the situation. The benefits of those posts is that the story is believable and typically well-told. This really isn't. I'm sorry, but if you continue posting stories without spending time on them, your appeals are going to keep getting denied and eventually people are going to stop wanting to help you as it takes time to write these and you seem to have no intention on improving. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:18, October 13, 2016 (UTC)

Everlasting Dreams
I understand that my previous pastas were bland, predictable and short but I truly believe I have improved with this one.

First of all, although there is not much ofa plot, the story is attampting to explain what will happen if you don't wake up from a dream. I believe that this is a fairly original concept.

I don't have a copy of the pasta, so I apolagize for that. However, I looked through the pasta for spelling mistakes before uploading it. The only reason that I can think of why it doesn't meet the quality expectations is that it has no real plot.


 * You didn't sign your appeal, so as per the rules at the top of the page, this is denied. Read the rules before appealing next time.


 * But I remember your story, so I'll let you know why I deleted it. Even though I don't recall any grammatical mistakes, the story had no plot and the idea explored has been explored exactly the same way a hundred times. MrDupin (talk) 08:28, October 20, 2016 (UTC)

Breakfast
First of all, thanks for your time.

Hello, I am here to request the reuploading of my story. I think it meets the quality standards because it has a fast pace that doesn't linger too long before throwing in the surprise and hints at a larger story, allowing the reader to imagine what may have happened before the micro story begins. Here's the story:

Robert woke up and began to eat breakfast. As he did so, he looked out at the window on the ceiling. It was foggy, as always. Too foggy to go outside. He turned to his dog and said “Today’s the day.” After breakfast, he opened up a long, thin barrel and looked at the gun he had been working on. There were a few bullets on the side, ready for use, if he polished them a bit first. After breakfast, he did that. Once that was done, he looked at the ceiling window again. The fog was still there. Thanks to the bombs, it would be too poisonous to go outside for another hundred years ago. Robert hoped his dog could understand why this was best. He shot the dog, then himself.

Creeper50 (talk) 23:06, October 26, 2016 (UTC)Creeper50


 * I'm sorry, but there are quite a lot of issues here. Ignoring the mechanical ones ("He turned to his dog and said “Today’s the day.”" Awkward wording like: "Once that was done, he looked at the ceiling window (skylight) again" and flat lines: "After breakfast, he did that. Once that was done (it's unnecessarily focused on three times in a relatively short story.)" and "He shot the dog, then himself.") the story is not very involving. Your method of writing really saps any of the emotion/horror out of the situation. It feels really weak to ignore the hopelessness in the story (the man is killing himself and his dog as he sees no escape) and not really make the story emotional. Finally the story has a number of plot holes. First off, how does this guy have the materials to make a working gun ((gears. striking hammer, barrels capable of withstanding the initial triggering of the bullet) if he's trapped in the house? Second, why spend such a long time trying to make a possibly faulty gun if he's looking to die when there are probably a number of other means of doing the same thing? I'm sorry but this really doesn't work as flash fiction and if it's fleshed out into a full story, there are still a lot of issues so I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:05, October 27, 2016 (UTC)

Misunderstood
My other creepypastas had flaws. I undertstand that. This one, however, has none that I can see. A storyline (brief, but there), no cliches or not many cliches and a fairly new concept of the main character understanding the 'monster' instead of being purely scared of it. The only flaw that I can really find is that it doesn't have a very 'creepy' ending. Also, I am working on the picture of the creature mentioned in the story.

Here is the story: http://pastebin.com/b2gmRtEQ


 * As you keep making the same mistakes and just rush to the appeal without bothering to edit/spend time on your story, I’m going to do the same. I’m advising admins to turn down this appeal for “a number of mechanical issues (capitalization and punctuation again) plus story issues (rushed plot, lack of description, awkward dialogue) that leads this story to be below quality standards” At this point it seems like you’re not looking for advice so I’ll just leave it at this, your story had issues that you couldn’t be bothered to work on and it got deleted. The same will likely happen to your next story if you can’t be bothered to spend time on it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:20, October 27, 2016 (UTC)

Goku Black
Why did you delete it instantly? Did you just read the title and be like "NOPE IT'S STUPID"? It took me about 2 days to make that pasta. I used my best creativity to make the idea and plot, what was wrong?

This was my second pasta and now it is just gone. I am confused on why you did that, it had proper grammar, I checked everything. What one flaw i know is that some parts of the story don't make sense. But even if you won't bring it back, can I at least get back the final copy? You deleted my final copy with as much spelling and punctuation corrections I made.


 * Here is a copy of your story. I'm sorry, but you've overlooked quite a bit here and since the plot is very generic and subscribes to a lot of the common tropes of video game pastas, I'm going to turn down this appeal. As you haven't made any changes before rushing to the appeal and since I've already consulted the admins, I can only advise that you read this and take your next story to the writer's workshop (link in deletion message) as there are quite a lot of issues here.


 * Punctuation issues: Quotations missing from game and story titles. "Then the mission started with it being called Goku Black! Hurry before it's too late!", "After Black was announced as a playable character in Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2", etc. This is done to help differentiate it from the narrative itself. You also have a tendency to use periods when you should be connecting the sentences with commas. "Black then grabbed his body. Ripped out his lung and taking a bite out of it.", "Black picked up the Omni-King's heart and devoured it. Leaking purple blood every time he took a bite"


 * Awkward wording: "Then, a random person interfered the fight, and what I saw next made my blood frozen solid.", "I felt sick to myself and watched the rest of the cutscene.", ""Yes, more power, more bloodshed, MORE DESTRUCTION!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THIS RACE WILL VANISH, I WILL MAKE MY JUSTICE!!!" These words had shown that Black may start to be going insane.", etc. I suggest reading the story aloud to yourself so you can catch instances of awkward/clunky wording before posting.


 * Miscellaneous Mechanical issues: "A (An) animated cutscene played and showed that he was somehow powering up against Goku and Vegeta", "Black started to laugh and squeeze his hands to The (the) point of blood bleeding out of them.", "Black then kept punching himself while saying(,/:) "Fighting will just make me stronger!"", etc. There are quite a lot more of these, but since a majority of the issues lie in the story, I'll be moving on to that rather than list everything that's wrong here.


 * Story issues: Remember, you are telling this to an audience that may have no clue about the DBZ universe and you need to explain more. Lines like this: "His combos were much more vicious looking. He even had his Aura Blade attack!" and "I was playing as Black instead of my character, and I was fighting against the Omni-King and his two guards, and my original Xenoverse 1 character." really do a poor job of creating an involving atmosphere as a person who's unfamiliar with the material won't be able to have that mental image. It also makes the story feel bland when there isn't description to paint a scene.


 * Cliches: Generic overuse of gore. "Black teleported behind him, and ripped off his head with his bare hands. With his blood and limbs flying out of his head. Black then grabbed his body. Ripped out his lung and taking a bite out of it." Hyper-realism. "Trunks was bleeding in a realistic type way, not just hyper-realistic, but more than what anime illustrators could draw." 'The game knows my name!' trope. "That's right Alexander, I am coming after you, to eat your heart, and your organs."


 * Story issues cont.: Couple everything I listed above with the fact that the story's extremely anti-climactic (The protagonist just smashes the computer after it mentions his name, really robbing the story of any attempt at a resolution or effective ending). I'm sorry, but this story feels really formulaic and since there are a lot of mechanical issues on top of that, I can say that I agree with LOLSKELETON's decision that this doesn't meet quality standards. I suggest using the writer's workshop as this is quite a bit to overlook. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:05, November 11, 2016 (UTC)

I'm just wondering, what was the reason my story was deleten?. And how can i improve it, i really want this one on the wiki. Thank you.


 * Appeal auto-denied for not following the header above. Also, if your story is anything like the message you just typed, the reason should be pretty obvious. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:10, November 13, 2016 (UTC)

Ashley the psychopath
I have noticed me issues on my pasta and fixed it, I'm sorry for not reading the quality standards before I posted I just really love creepy pastas and wanted to make one of my own, I know the name is a bit generic but I couldn't really find another name to really name it, I'd appericate it if you could contact me the issues so I can fix them (I've already fixed the grammar issues and the bad spelling, and the big wall of text, if there was anything other than that let me now, if not i've fixed them)

writer's workshop board post:

☀http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:563012


 * I'm sorry, but the story is still full of issues with punctuation/grammar/capitalization/wording/etc. Please read over our How to Write Creepypasta page, writing advice pages, style guide, and wait for feedback in the workshop. This story is far from meeting our quality standards and will need significant changes before it can be considered for another appeal.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 21:06, November 27, 2016 (UTC)

Deleted story that the author failed to follow the basic appeal directions for.
I don't understand why Nesigi's Dream was deleted.

The message I recieved stated it didn't fit the "horror level" or something along those lines. And it's not suposed to be some bloody murder thriller, it was intended to be pschological, mind numbing torture. Making the character slowly go insane, but not turn into some crazed killer...

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Nesigi%27s_dream


 * I gotta start this out with: What? Who told you that your story failed to 'fit the horror level'? Your story was deleted for failing to be up to our quality standards and not telling the story you intended to convey well (i.e. not being well-written). As you haven't changed anything since your previous message, I'm going to do the same and copy/paste my message on your talk page.


 * If I can weigh in for Psycho, as I was the one who marked it for review/deletion. Your story was deleted as it failed to meet both our quality standards and our standards for a well-written story. As you've made no edits to the story since posting this appeal I'm going to deny it outright. As for reasons as to why... Starting with the basics, you give absolutely no background to the original material which makes for an incredibly weak story. Look at Godzilla NES and Rhudaurion's: The Butcher's Nursery for two stories that effectively tell story while conveying background information. Your story is incredibly sparse on both fronts giving only minimal information which leads to an uninteresting story for both un-initiated readers and people who are familiar with the source material (as there's no detail to make the story interesting).


 * There's absolutely nothing for readers to attach themselves to any of these characters as the only thing you're really going for is name recognition and even then you aren't giving description or reason. In the end, this feels like you're giving us the cliff notes for a theory story that neglects to cite any of your sources or build on the premise you set. I suggest using the writer's workshop (included in the deletion message) as this story has a lot of fundamental issues that result in it being well below our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:26, December 17, 2016 (UTC)


 * You didn't establish anything with this story.  It's a few sentences long, and doesn't have anything going slowly; rather the entire thing is over before it really started. It's a statement of premise and four "facts".  Nothing was established that indicated psychological horror, torture, or insanity.  It's pretty bland, even by VG pasta standards.  ClericofMadness (talk) 06:27, December 17, 2016 (UTC)

The story was called 'that damn puppet'
I'm not quite sure why it got deleted? I read the rules and I felt it was okay to post. It wasn't a trollpasta or anything, and I didn't feel it was cliche (I even added in a twist ending). I couldn't find any mistakes in my grammar or the coding and it wasn't incomplete or a wall of text. It was my own original concept and the puppet in the story is based on my own, so I wasn't intentionally ripping off another person's story.

The story is also here on my DA: ☀http://silvergriffinflare.deviantart.com/art/That-damn-puppet-652073370

Legend of Cynder Rush, dawn of the candy dragon (talk) 11:39, December 19, 2016 (UTC)


 * The main reasons were that it was a wall of text and the plot didn't really go anywhere or do anything. The twist ending was cheap and didn't add to the story in any meaningful way. The wording's occasionally awkward (he would take things from the fridge that I was planning on having for my tea, and without anything to eat I became hungry and desperate) and there's just nothing to this story. Next time, I recommend you put your story up on the workshop to get some feedback. For the most part the prose was alright but there's just nothing to this story, no real attempt to build atmosphere or imagery (a lot of telling, not showing). For what it's worth the core idea is interesting, and if you elaborate on it and build it into a proper story, I'd probably let it back on. But in its current state I don't feel that it meets the quality standards ChristianWallis (talk) 11:57, December 19, 2016 (UTC)


 * Edit: Also, while you might have broken the story up in your word processor it still wound up formatted on the wikia as a giant wall of text without any breaks ChristianWallis (talk) 12:06, December 19, 2016 (UTC)
 * Oh okay, thanks! ~

Sugar
I had noticed that my story, Sugar, was deleted. Now, I'm not about to sit and complain about how it's "unfair", but I merely want to ask how I can intend on improving it.

It's also worthy to note that the pasta was not intended to be a "video game fanfiction," as stated in the reason for it being deleted, but was actually centered around a fictional location intended to be in the real world. However, I can somewhat justify your actions, as the mill in the story was directly ripped from Left 4 Dead 2, as well as the presence of the pictures being video-game oriented and the crying being represented in the form of witches, however I'm fully obliged to take the photos down and rename the mill.

The story is supposed be primarily focused on the history of the Ducatel mill itself, not any other element of the Left 4 Dead series, with the exception of the ambient witch sounds, is utilized. It's also worthy to note that almost half of Ducatel's history was created by me, such as the creation and closure.

As I have stated before, the location and story is supposed to be set in the real world, NOT the video-game world. With all that being stated, I'd still love to see your criticism on the story. I'm all open for it.

--XenoNate (talk) 14:46, December 21, 2016 (UTC)

P.S. I also don't entirely like the idea of this being taken down within less than 24 hours. This move doesn't give any time for criticism to help me learn from mistakes and improve.


 * The story was deleted because it lacked any real plot, and the writing lacked any atmosphere or imagery. The story is split into one part exposition that offers only a vague outline of a place getting abandoned. The second part feels like a pretty close imitation of Abandoned by Disney and more importantly, almost nothing happens. Guy visits place, finds elevator, looks at grass, hears screams. Neither part works on their own, or together. I recommend going over the variousblogs and advice guides, and using the workshop to get feedback on your story while it's in progress. ChristianWallis (talk) 20:29, December 21, 2016 (UTC)

Thank you for your time, honestly. You brought up some very valid points that I hadn't even noticed. Heck, I didn't even realize how similar ABD was to the story until you mentioned it. I will admit that this was my first story, but I will not use this as an excuse. I intend to use it as motivation write better stories in the future.

Once again thank you for your time.

--XenoNate (talk) 21:13, December 21, 2016 (UTC)

The Bleeding Jungle
I believe my pasta did meet the standards, also I could of changed the punctuation and story a bit but could I have permission to rewrite my entire story differently (better punctuation, more story, explanations etc)? Thanks in advance

The story was called The Bleeding Jungle


 * Since you didn't listen to my advice or follow the basic appeal directions, this is being denied outright. This was deleted because it was well below quality standards. Even if we were to ignore the frequent grammatical (like your=possession, you're=you are. "If your confused,want to compliment"), punctuation (Apostrophes missing from contractions. "thats in quotes because they didn't look like hands", "Im running so fast but I can hear their blood freezing roars", etc. Punctuation missing from dialogue. ""Sleep tight" he croaks", "'Now....do as I say' (also why switch from regular quotations to single quotes?) Says the", etc.), capitalization (You don't capitalize proper nouns. "they didn't look like hands i'd ever seen", "im completely lost, i've gone way too far into the jungle.", etc. You also improperly capitalize words after dialogue. "'Now....do as I say' Says the", etc.), and the lack of effective description (the death scenes feel really rushed and could use more focus.), there are a lot of story issues here. There are other mechanical issues too, but the plot problems were what tipped the scales in the end.


 * The story feels rushed. You try to jump right into events but without any real backstory or development, the story feels lacking. There's also really nothing to grab the audience's attention and it comes off more as a tie-in to a yet-to-be animated story without anything to really keep the audience's focus ("I oblige and make my way through the jungle to hunt down everyone, including the 'explorer'.") and the fact that both the friends and parents die in a extremely nondescript manner really dull any impact you were going for. Couple that with the issue that the protagonist recounting this event, but is transformed at the end and you have a serious tonal shift. If all this is being told after the fact and the protagonist is now a blood-thirsty monster, why is he explaining the events in such a way. I'm sorry, but for being only about a page long, there are a lot of errors here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:43, December 28, 2016 (UTC)

Maid Of Hell
Hello,

I checked my story again. I think there isn't mistake on qualty standarts. You said that there is a problem with the end. But now you didin't see anything. I wonder why my story is deleted? Thank you.c


 * I'm sorry, but you're overlooking quite a lot of errors. Starting with the basics of poetry (essential for posting poems). This is how your lines are broken up (Note that if this wasn't intended to be read as a poem, then there are a lot more issues with basic literary formatting):

"Everywhere was dark when the little boy was watching

around,"


 * On top of that, you need to break this into basic stanzas to maintain form and aid in flow. You can't just put everything into single lines with a break between each one as that comes off as padding and also detracts from the overall style/flow For example a line like: "And he was imagining a happy life in the world" makes very little sense contextually on its own.


 * Punctuation: You forget to include punctuation in a majority of your dialogue. ("No cries”, "In the world of children”, "Now also his mother is going(line ends)")You really need to work on your quotations. If it's continuation of the dialogue and there are no interrupting actions, you should only put a quotation at the start of the line and at the conclusion. So:

"“I came to take you.”(not needed) “The fun is waiting us, (Quotation needed)Everybody’s playing and laughing, (Quotation needed)In the world of happiness (Quotation needed)No pains, (Quotation needed)No cries(punctuation missing)”"


 * Wording: "He was always alone. / Just like... / The moon between the stars" This line doesn't make much sense. In this solar system of ours, the moon orbits around earth and is in fact surrounded by stars. This needs clarification to be effective. There are a number of lines that break rhythm and flow of the poem. "One day came through the lights, / A smiling maid", "Parents scared from her eyes, sharp teeth, / Especially her non-heart...", "Satan took her heart for / She can always turn hell", "You will only serve to your new lord. / In the hell.", etc. I'm sorry but this feels like a story you tried to break into lines to make it appear like a poem.


 * Story issues: Even if you're going for a free verse poem, your lines still need rhythm and flow. Try reading these lines aloud and see how the poem flows: "A maid named Ciera was given to Satan / Canadian maid showed the children their wishes.", "She took away their soul / To Satan", etc. As I said earlier, this feels like you tried to space at every comma and where periods would be and called it a poem.


 * Story issues cont.: These errors are rampant throughout the poem. Even if we were to ignore the formatting, wording, punctuation, and capitalization issues; there are still issues with the story. The story itself is lacking effective description. Lines like: "The maid removed the knife / And cut a finger. / The woman was screaming with pain." don't paint a visual picture and result in a fairly bland story.


 * Conclusion: I'm sorry, but there are way too many errors here. Your story was deleted because it wasn't up to quality standards. As you've made no revisions and I've listed these issues above, I'm afraid I have to turn down this appeal. I suggest using the writer's workshop (link in your talk page) for your next story as there are a lot of basic problems here. These aren't all the issues present, but enough to highlight the fact that there are issues (numerous) in the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:56, January 9, 2017 (UTC)

I Am in Your TV
Why This Shouldn't be deleted :

1) Nobody said any reason it should be deleted.

2) It was a good story, and had a decent plot twist

3) Just because it was short it wasn't bad

4) Compared to my other bad attempts it was actualy good. My style of writing is do it quick and get it over with. Really, what I do with my better more thought out stories is add detail after and do revisions. At the very least I would like to have the story back (That was the only copy) and make revisons, then upload to writers workshop.

Also I'm sorry this is short, again long isn't my writing style.



Your Somewhat friend and mass deleted writer

ThisIsLucid (talk) 15:12, January 23, 2017 (UTC)ThisIsLucid


 * 1) No one is obliged to tell you why your story was deleted. It's up to you to make sure your story meets the quality standards. In particular, it must be literate (with few to no grammatical mistakes and other mechanical errors), it must be original (such that it is not a rip-off of another story), and it must be a half-decent story. Your story was deleted because despite being short it still had a few spelling/grammar errors, and because it did nothing to tell a good story. I'll go into more detail on the workshop but there's just not enough going on in your story to justify itself. It's got an interesting idea, but beyond that it just tells us what happens. No imagery, no characters, no atmosphere, nothing.


 * 2) It was an alright story, and there was no twist.


 * 3) Short stories can be very good too. Length was not why your story was deleted.


 * 4) I've already messaged you and given you your story back. ChristianWallis (talk) 15:20, January 23, 2017 (UTC)


 * While I'm not the deleting admin, I can see a number of issues present in your story, since you haven't revised it, I'm going to turn down this appeal and state the issues on why it doesn't meet quality standards.


 * Wording issues: "I'm here when your bored" You're = you are, your=possession. "Image (imagine) the endless darkness, where you cannot sleep or rest." Imagine is the word you're looking for. "Now you have about 2,500 volts of electricity flowing through your blood, melting your internals." Melting your internals really feels out of place and awkward. Did you mean internal organs or innards?


 * Story issues: "Well, delivering eletric shocks through the remote." How exactly is a remote capable of delivering 2500 volts of electricity? Remotes are battery operated by typically small batteries. How exactly does something generate that much voltage and why use the remote as a conducting point? It seems kind of like you're reaching for something to make the entity dangerous here and coming up a bit short.


 * Story issues: This feels really rushed. The main difference between a rushed story and an effective one is using the lines effectively. Much like a previous story of yours I deleted, this feels like it has a lot of unnecessary padding. "I like the action movies, I can be the action hero, running past explosions and dodging bullets. Those long romances you just adore, with the pretty girls, those are great too. Even the cheesy sitcoms you like are just splendid." Why space each of those sentences out to its own line when typically that is done for dramatic effect? Doing it here feels more like you're trying to meet the requirements on an essay. You also neglect a lot of description that would make this more effective. It feels like you're trying for an in-time horror story but forgetting that one of the things that make a plot effective is description and detail.


 * Conclusion: I'm sorry, but while this is a more original premise than other stories, it's still weighed down by awkward wording, grammatical issues, plot holes, and a rushed story. Sorry also for stepping on Christian's toes here, but I was in the middle of typing this when I saw he responded and figured why let it go to waste. There're quite a number of issues here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:44, January 23, 2017 (UTC)

I'm Downstairs
After my latest pasta got deleted, I reposted it in the Writer's Workshop where I learned that the main problem of the story was the last line. The orignal line sounded hokey and wasn't as gut punching as I wanted it to be. So I changed that and also fixed another minor error to raise the quality of the pasta. Here is the lastest revision of my pasta: http://pastebin.com/AqzXnzp6

Thanks!

Matty Stacks (talk) 03:00, January 24, 2017 (UTC)Matty Stacks


 * While I do appreciate you revising your story some, I do feel like there're still some problems that need to be addressed before the story is ready for the site. Starting with the basics, you should really be uniform with how you use punctuation in text messages. ("“No I’m being serious this time, I am by the back door.”." or “Nice try, I know you’re not there.”" or the times when you use two closing forms of punctuation “Are you joking with me man?.”) Since you have a tendency to use periods outside of the quotation for some lines and not in the other ones. I would advise sticking to one or the other. Another small issue, "I proceeded to shout downstairs." The period should be a colon as the dialogue is continued on another paragraph and that line contextually implies continuation of the sentence.


 * There are also a few plot things that might need some smoothing over for this to work effectively. The first being the nature of the pranks. I understand that you're setting up the scenario, but it feels off that Ben would text him and get him to come downstairs and then drive off. ("The following weekend, he told me he was coming over to hang out. When I came outside to greet him in his car, he floored it out of my neighborhood.") If his whole shtick is getting him to come down to let him in, it feels a bit hard to justify him driving out to his house, texting him and then driving off as that seems like a lot more work on his part.


 * I might also try to find a way to work around Ben's dialogue and the intruder's entry ("Was my mind tricking with me or was Ben actually in my house? “No, I told you I was downstairs, but you didn’t believe me.”") as it feels kind of coincidental that he would say that he's downstairs at the exact time someone broke into their house. Maybe have the protagonist make the incorrect assumption and not have Ben explicitly state he's downstairs as it feels a bit shoe-horned into the story.


 * While talking about the ending, I have another recommendation for you. The change to the ending is good ("I looked at his message and my heart dropped. “You know I was fucking with you, right?”) but it could be a bit more effective. Maybe have him call Ben towards the end out of frustration or go a little further beyond your endpoint to drive home the ending like ending on the door swinging open or maybe calling and having Ben answer after that message, but the protagonist realizes he hasn't heard Ben's obnoxious ring tone (Why would Ben have it set to "Anaconda" anyways?) before he answers. This isn't an outright denial, but I do feel like there are a few things that would make this story a bit more effective. I'd suggest making some changes or trying to add a little explanation to Ben's character to justify his reason for pranks and messaging me or another admin tomorrow where it's more likely that this will be approved. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:26, January 24, 2017 (UTC)

The Audio Tape
Excuse me, but I feel my story The Audio Tape had good grammar and capitalization. Why was it deleted? They got helmets on they heads - BUT I GOT A WATAMELOAN INSTEAD! (talk) 06:14, January 25, 2017 (UTC)


 * It was deleted because it didn't meet quality standards. There are a lot of issues here and it's pretty late at night so forgive me for just giving the largest three for why the story was deleted. I'd suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as these are plot issues that will likely result in another story being deleted if not addressed.


 * Story issues: First off there's very little set-up and execution here. We have a number of teenagers driving around (not quite sure how seven fit into one car or why exactly a bunch of boys with driver's licenses, suggesting they're 16 or older, are driving around with a bunch of ten year old girls, but that's a separate issue), they run out of gas, then they are attacked. There's very little set-up, characterization, or driving plot here. In fact, the only defining characteristic we get is that one pokes fun of the other for needing a shower. It really doesn't make for an involving plot and doesn't draw the audience in. Combine that with general lack of events occurring in the story itself and you have some pretty large issues.


 * Story issues cont.: To further compound this issue, the method of telling the story (through a recording) really doesn't add to the story much and detracts a lot from it. A scene like this: "Cress: Looks like we're out of gas. (The car stops.) Artemis: RUN! Aphrodite: (scream) It's getting closer, guys! Artemis and Chili: BOOK IT! (Footsteps are heard, indicating that everyone is running.) Boy 2: Oh God, that was close... Aphrodite: You can say that again, Cilan." does not really paint a vivid picture and feels sorely lacking in detail. What I inferred from that scene was that they were running from a nondescript ghost (as you tagged it with ghost despite not really giving any clue to it being spectral at all), and then they stopped. There's no descriptive elements to paint the scene and since a story like this needs effective description, it really weakens the plot.


 * Story issues cont: Why exactly are they tape recording all of this in the first place? The police even comment about how out of place it is ("A cassette tape, something odd to have in this day and age, was found in a car the seven were supposedly travelling in") but no explanation is given. It ends up feeling like you're trying to shoehorn this style of story-telling into the plot (Like a found footage film where people randomly record everything they do for no reason.). Couple that with the out-of-place nature of their names, how seven of them are apparently crammed into a single car, or why this group is even hanging out in the first place.


 * Final: On top of that, the plot feels extremely rushed as if this were written all at once. "(Whatever they were running from supposedly appears. Afterwards, seven loud cracks appeared, supposedly the cracking skulls of the seven victims.) The officers sent to investigate were also found - looking as if their skulls were cracked open." There's not much here to really build an involving background story so it ends up feeling pretty un-interesting. Couple that with the lack of tension, lack of description, plot holes, and general lack of focus and you have a story that doesn't meet quality standards. As such, I'm turning down this appeal and suggesting you follow he advice listed above.. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:34, January 25, 2017 (UTC)

This Mask We All Wear
I had a brief conversation with a fellow pasta reader, and although it may not have been that appropriate or civil. I believe, by what he said, that pastas don't have to be scary or have to have a direct meaning toward anything. I haven't fully gone over the pasta workshop, or the micropasta rules, but i believe I shouldn't be deleted because its another story. Stories can be scary to one person and not scary to another. it can have a meaning to someone, and not mean anything to anyone else. The rules can be bent from person to person, and from site to site. --WaRlOrD2025 (talk) 17:38, January 25, 2017 (UTC)WaRlOrD2025


 * I'm sorry, but this story is vague at best. Even if we were to ignore the punctuation and grammatical issues that are present for the story being a paragraph long (""It(apostrophe missing)s this mask we all hide behind(comma missing)" you say as the wraps are tied behind your head."), there are still fundamental issues with the story itself. This feels more like a preamble to the story rather than the actual story. Also, you don't really do an effective job at conveying the inherent horror of deception so I really don't think your reasoning that everything is subjective is an effective argument. Using that logic you could argue that every story is passable because someone will likely take enjoyment out of it and that severely reduces the overall quality of stories. Also assuming the rules should be bent based on subjectivity only leads to favoritism. I'm turning down your story because it's not very effective at conveying the point you mean to make and it feels more like a premise that needs to be fleshed out rather than an actual story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:58, January 25, 2017 (UTC)

Deep Navigation
Excuse me, but may I please have a reason as to why my story Deep Navigation was deleted? I feel it was well written... Is it a story issue? They got helmets on they heads - BUT I GOT A WATAMELOAN INSTEAD! (talk) 06:59, January 28, 2017 (UTC)


 * You literally repeated the same issues present in "The Audio Tape". As you've repeated a lot of the same issues, I'll just re-state the problems I found and not get too in-depth as it seems like you haven't given much thought to the original message. The story is un-interesting due to the lack of detail/focus. Lines like: "Although most were to see how much pain a human could endure, some others were much too violent to write here and not get arrested." do not paint a picture at all and feel very poorly written. It feels lazy to describe something as extremely violent/painful and make no attempt to paint a scene for the audience. That doesn't mean you have to be gory, but you do have to give the readers some idea of what the characters are witnessing to make the story effective.


 * That's not mentioning the plot holes. "After clicking a link on Reddit, they had found a hidden wiki which had a lot of hyperlinks." How exactly does one access the Deep Web without a Tor Browser from a random Reddit link? Why are they even looking for it in the first place? There's no reason given for their actions so the story feels completely unnecessary, especially when they leave the sites a few moments later after witnessing something bad (issues listed above) "It was the full address of exactly where they were. Terrified, both decided to try to sleep." Why would someone go to bed after immediately being told their address? It means that someone knows where they are and since they are clearly affected by this, why would they decide sleeping without alerting the authorities or their parents is a good idea in any way?


 * Plot holes cont.: "Around this gruesome pile lay a ring of vermillion red, presumably blood. Artemis was fast asleep, with a bloody machete next to her bed." How did Artemis sleep through someone being butchered right next to her? How did someone break in and violently murder and dismember someone without alerting anyone in the house until after when they could mysteriously vanish (without giving any real sense of conclusion to the story)? Continuing that line of thought, how would someone be able to locate, track down, travel to, murder, mutilate, and flee the crime scene all within the space of a few hours and why would they leave a message. It feels like you posting this story, but forgot to include a number of paragraphs that explained the messages and built up the characters.


 * I'm sorry, but for being only four paragraphs long, the story feels very rushed, is lacking in any effective detail, and has a number of plot holes. As you've made no changes to the story and seem to be repeating the same mistakes from the story above, I'm turning down this appeal outright and advising you to use the writer's workshop (link in your talk page) as these issues are present in both of your stories and will continue to be a quality standards issue until you can get someone to help you revise your story before attempting to post it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:19, January 28, 2017 (UTC)

A Slice of Cake
I looked at the quality standards, and I don't see anything wrong with my story. However, I did see that you shouldn't have a pasta too short. If mine was too short to you, notify me on my talk page and I will rewrite it in a longer version.

Thank you for your consideration.

User:2022cstephens


 * Wording issues: "Cecilia then went into our parents' room where she was having her coffee (who was having coffee, why in the bedroom?). All of a sudden, we heard the slashing of a knife. (How exactly does the family hear a knife slash from rooms away when it's a relatively silent thing?)", "An evil soul is within her. I had to terminate it, but I could only terminate the evil in one way." (not only is this awkwardly worded, but it also feels like a massive leap for a character to make (sister is possessed, must murder her now), etc.


 * Story issues: "He then pointed the gun at the fan and pulled the trigger. The fan crushed my sister." This feels very cartoon-esque. Why shoot the fan and not just shoot the girl? Why instantly come to the conclusion to kill the daughter in the first place? It feels really out-of-place for his first reaction to instantly be to murder his daughter. Even if she's committed a crime, it still feels forced given the father's interactions with her earlier.


 * Story issues cont.: There is a lot of rushed content here and a majority of it is lacking the necessary detail to make it interesting. Lines like: "He stabbed himself and died instantly." and "Renée was then murdered by the soul of her own sister. A local farmer heard a scream, but when he walked over to the field, all he saw was blood-stained wheat. When he stared down at it, he heard Cecilia's voice. "Don't worry, she's here. She's just sleeping underneath the wheat. She needs to rest. She won't be coming back up."" feel extremely forced. Where did this random farmer materialize from? Why this focus on wheat without any real bearing on the story? It feels like you tried to wrap it up 


 * Story issues cont.: It feels like you're telling the audience all of these things and not really showing them. Tell the story through the character's actions, don't just come out and say it, not only does it weaken the story by stripping it of an opportunity to provide character insight, but it also saps interesting elements from the story. ("Every day, she shrieks from having flashbacks. Dad is still here. He's a total disaster now that Mom's gone.")


 * Story issues cont.: The dialogue also needs quite a bit of work. It feels very unnatural and forced at times. Lines like: ""Mother," she said (in a suddenly demonic voice) "This cake. It is you. THIS CAKE IS YOU, DEAR MOTHER! IT IS MINE BECAUSE IT IS YOU!"" really showcase this. On an additional note, just describing a voice as demonic is not a good descriptor. What makes it sound demonic? Is it high pitched like nails scrapping on a chalkboard or is it low and deep like the rolling of distant thunder? It's a generic descriptor to use and really doesn't set a good mental image.


 * Conclusion: I'm sorry, but there are a lot of story issues here as well as awkward wording that really result in this story being below our basic quality standards. As no revisions have been made, I'm turning down this appeal outright for the reasons listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:48, January 30, 2017 (UTC)

Night Terrors
I've revised my story with assistance and feel it is up to quality standards now

 http://pastebin.com/cmj0HzCK

Aneeka (talk) 23:40, February 5, 2017 (UTC)


 * Hi Aneeka. Your story was deleted because it did not meet the quality standards.


 * There are some technical issues. I note a few below:


 * Missing words: "It was hard to exactly recall his purpose was" - there is a 'what' missing between 'recall' and 'his'. Another one is this "If I had bad day at school", where you needed to put an 'a' after 'had'.


 * Awkward sentences: "My sight isn’t a reliable source for proof whether or not something is real because of my nightly routine activities" - This sentence run for too long. Also, you already told us that the narrator's eyesight is not too good and already mentioned the "nightly routine activities". You provide too little new information for this long of a sentence.


 * Wording issues: "He would always seem to solve some sort of conflict and assist me in anyway I could" - It's 'he could' instead of 'I could'.


 * The main issue with this story though is the plot and premise. A being manifesting itself into dreams, tormenting the main character is a bit overused. Your story doesn't explore any new ideas, rehashing already done concepts. On top of that, the execution is not there yet. Some of the plot points in particular stood out:


 * a) Edward changing clothes when he turns evil. This sounds silly, making Edward look like an angsty emo kid.


 * b) The thing from the dreams appearing in the real world. This idea has been explored a ton in the past. To make it work, you would either need very good execution or an original spin. I'm afraid neither are present in the story.


 * All in all, even though this was a nice try and you showcased good grammar, as a story it falls flat. The execution was not great, nor was the plot original. If I were to describe the story in one word, it would be "bland".


 * I'm sorry, but I have to deny this. MrDupin (talk) 19:20, March 7, 2017 (UTC)

​Outside Our Home
So I guess there is no way to get my story back because I do not have a copy of it anywhere else. If only there was a way to get it back by undeleting the page, so I can get it back from there and edit it off this site so the undeleted page can be deleted after i paste it else where.

CosmicAndrew (talk) 02:01, February 6, 2017 (UTC)Andrew


 * Here's a copy of your story. Since it is unfinished (which is an automatically deletable offense), has numerous basic capitalization (proper nouns left uncapitalized, sentences left uncapitalized), awkward wording/redundancy, a generally rushed plot that uses a lot of formulaic plot points, I am turning this appeal down outright and suggesting you read the site rules and our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:07, February 6, 2017 (UTC)

My Loving Family
So it said my story was deleted. Not sure as to why, or exactly how I'm suppose to write this deletion appeal for it.

Here's the story: http://pastebin.com/0tdDXJ2p

Kaptain DTSW (talk) 05:23, February 9, 2017 (UTC)Kaptain DTSW


 * First and foremost, I couldn't help but notice the similarities between this story and temptotosssoon's glitch in the matrix story. Whether these similarities were coincidental or not (Both involve a protagonist who suffers a dramatic injury, recovers, falls in love, before focused on an object, alienates their family, realizes this reality isn't real, and tries to cope), they still can be used to highlight the issues present in your story.


 * The introduction needs quite a bit of work. There's no real set-up of the scenario or building up the premise/reason for why the protagonist is telling this story. "Literally two weeks away from high school graduation; and, some moron hits me, totaling my 1993 Saturn SC2" doesn't really do much for pulling the audiences attention and feels like you accidentally forgot to set up the scene. To further highlight this is the line: "Elizabeth Somnium became Elizabeth Morcawski." which seems to imply that the audience knew the protagonist's last name without any real introduction.


 * Unfortunately I can't help but not draw comparisons between your story and the other glitch in the matrix story as there were some things that they did effectively that are lacking in your story. Scenes like this could use a lot more focus to make it more effective: "They pleaded, and I did nothing. They cried, and I did nothing. They walked out never to return, and I did nothing!" Especially since it ends on a relatively weak note of: "My wife, my child, my entire existence; it, was all a hallucination." Remember this protagonist has spent decades in this life and to end it like this feels anticlimactic. Feel free to gloss over the other story which focused on the protagonist seeing his 'son' out of the corner of his eyes and how that paints a more effective ending than just telling the audience that it was a hallucination.


 * Even if we overlook the mechanical issues like punctuation ("I felt the rugged texture of the frame's rivets"), grammar ("I met a woman who's (whose) smile"), wording ("The only thing I can recall from the incident, is an officer pulling out my body from the (pulling my body out from the) upside-down red car, and being placed on a stretcher.", "After countless applications, I was hired in (sic) by a local car mechanic", "What started off as oil changed and tire alinements (sic) at minimum wage", etc.), tense issues ("After what seemed like a week, I become a mannequin"), it is hard to ignore the plot issues. Feel free to browse the Glitch in the Matrix Reddit if you're looking for more pointers on how to flesh out this concept. Unfortunately as of now, I am turning down this appeal due to the issues listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:55, February 9, 2017 (UTC)

Do You Ever Feel Like You're Being Watched
Yeet

&#34;The problem with quotes on the internet is that you cannot confirm their validity.&#34; -Abraham Lincoln (talk) 01:38, February 15, 2017 (UTC)


 * It was deleted because it was below our quality standards. For basically being four paragraphs long, there are a lot of issues here. There's no real story or plot here. It uses General Story Cliche 22 and the generic shadow men concept without any real story or plot to make either effective. Feel free to read Shadow People, Peripheral Vision, and We Are the Shadows in the Corner of Your Eye if you're looking for an idea of how to do this better.


 * Story issues cont.: Lack of evidence/explanation. The writer states that they "have another theory." but does absolutely nothing to back up the claim. "Maybe the reason you get that feeling of being watched when you’re alone in a dark room is because you are." is not a good premise for setting up the rumor. It'd be like saying that every time someone sneezes, it's because a curse has been placed on them by a scorned gypsy. If you want the audience to believe something, you are going to have to build up more evidence here and make it believable.


 * Conclusion: It's a relatively generic story that tries to use 'shadow people' and the 'you're being watched' premise, but fails to do anything with it. The ending: "When it’s late at night and you’re climbing a set of stairs, do you ever feel like you’re being chased?" also lacks any real impact as you haven't done anything to set up the scenario or give explanation to why it's happening or what is actually after you. I'm turning down this story appeal on the grounds that it's not very effective, lacks build-up, and there's nothing to really back-up the claims or make the theory plausible in any way. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:50, February 15, 2017 (UTC)


 * The build-up was the fact that "some say that these are actual spirits." and the word "theory" is used very loosely but okay.


 * K den. Best of luck to you on other sites, hopefully you learn to take advice/criticism there. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:02, February 15, 2017 (UTC)

reasons why my page "Homicidal Suicide" should be put back up
i dont have a copy of my story

number one: my friend feels the need to warn people about this new killer who we believe is a creepypasta because eyeless jack didn't react like he would have reacted if i went up to him.

number two: i was told there were multiple grammar mistakes but the thing about grammar mistakes is they can be easily fixed.

number three: when i said eyeless jack was her brother i put brother in quotations like this "brother". when you look at that do you really think i mean they are related, no. i have multiple friends who have read my page and when i asked them if they thought eyeless jack was her brother they said yes and no so i put it in quotations.

number four: i was told the pasta i wrote about was a spin-off pasta and an oc but thats not true. if this pasta is an oc than so is Jeff the killer but everyone has excepted him into the creepypasta world and thought he was real. if Jeff the killer is considered a creepypasta why cant this creepypasta be considered a creepypasta.

number five: i was asked how my friend Sam knew who eyeless jack is. simple, he doesn't know who eyeless jack is but i do which is why i identified the guy in the blue mask as jack.

number six: why was my page deleted. lots of people ask that question. you delete pages for dumb reasons like putting other pastas in a page about one pasta. you say thanks when we submit a page but a page written by someone who spells terribly is deleted because its "offensive".

number seven: i came here to learn about pastas that i dont know about well when i try to warn other people about this new pasta i am rejected. if there is one song that describes how im feeling its this song. if you really care let this page back up. ]


 * I'll just tackle this one step by step and explain why your story's not being given an appeal. (Here is a copy from your request). Your story is being turned down for the issues listed below.


 * 1: Creepypastas are not real, your story is also incredibly unbelievable. How does the protagonist get stabbed, treated, and wake up at their house with absolutely no recollection or injury from the attack? Being stabbed in the chest is not something someone bounces back from in a period of unconsciousness (no matter how good the doctor is). See people recuperating from chest surgery and undergoing physical training for further explanation. Saying this story is real really weakens the story.


 * 2: "i was told there were multiple grammar mistakes but the thing about grammar mistakes is they can be easily fixed." Why didn't you fix them before the story? Why haven't you tried to fix them before making the appeal. Your story fails to meet the bare minimum quality standards due to its tendency to not properly capitalize sentences, proper nouns, properly capitalize dialogue, properly punctuate contractions, properly punctuation sentences, properly punctuate sentences, as well as numerous instances of awkward wording ("lets just say we have an awesome doctor and nurse and cannibal that patched you up and the operator wants you alive."). These issues are also present in your appeal just as a heads-up.


 * 3-5: A spinoff story features another author's creation (character, scenario, etc.). Your story heavily features Eyeless Jack and references Slenderman. This is enough to warrant an instant deletion on its own. Please read the site rules as your next infraction will result in a temporary ban. Jeff the Killer (also deleted) features the author's own creation, it doesn't feature another author's intellectual property, your story does.


 * 6: Your story was deleted because it fails basic English. There are a massive amount of punctuation, grammatical, capitalization, wording, and story issues. The story is incredibly rushed and nonsensical at portions (see the stabbing reason above). Why exactly aren't the police involved. The protagonist has evidence of being stabbed, he has a hand-written note by the killer, and there's a corpse in the woods. Also, why are they writing this so robotically? "i looked out my window around the trees and saw her waving at me before a guy in a blue mask dragged her away. i looked around my room and found a note on my dresser." There's no sign of panicking or even concern here. Additionally why is the girl called 'homicidal suicide'? There's no reference to it in the story and it's a nonsensical name. I can only assume they committed suicide in a homicidal (redundant) manner. Your story has been deleted because it fails at the most basic points of story-telling.


 * 7: I actually do care. I want people to improve and become better writers. Running to the appeal after a deletion is no way to improve your writing. Saying that it could be improved later would be incredibly unfair to other authors who spend their time proof-reading and revising their stories. I'm sorry, but this story is incredibly flawed, riddled with mechanical issues, and violates our spinoff rules. I'm turning down this appeal for all of these reasons and advising you to use the writer's workshop for your next story as these errors will result in your next story being deleted. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:46, February 15, 2017 (UTC)

I could have saved you
I was to,d to make my stories more scary, to,d to make it engaging, I used the right punctuations, capataliezed everything right and didn't mispell one word, and I'm sure my story will put the reader on edge, it wasn't to long or too short and the title is just perfect, that's why I think you should undefeated my pasta as I actually put lots of effort into it.

I followed all needed requirements I improved the capitalization of every scentence, made a good title, the story wasn't to short or to long and I'm pretty sure I made scary enough with plenty suspense bring back my pasta as I put a lot of effort into it.

The story is called

I could have saved you


 * Appeal automatically denied for not following the guidelines as well as not having a revised copy for review after having had the issues pointed out by multiple users. The current version of the story is well below our quality standards due to multiple spelling, punctuation, wording, fragmented sentences, and story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:32, March 1, 2017 (UTC)

The Violin
Hi MrDupin, I read and appreciate your comments on the reason why you took down my submission.

While certainly the predominant mood of my piece isn't creepiness, I still feel that it qualifies as a creepypasta as it contains clear elements of the supernatural (i.e. the violin, particularly its powers and effects on the user).

I do hope you'll reconsider your decision as, in my view, the community is enriched when a greater variety of creepypastas is allowed to flourish here. Creepypastas have evolved significantly over the years, and I think most of us would agree that the turn it took, from a story form rooted in sensationalism to something more subtle but no less riveting, is not one to be lamented. In the same vein, perhaps there is room for creepypastas that are not so much creepy in the traditional sense but instead evoke uncomfortable emotions in the reader.

Anyway, I'm not here to press the issue, but to just share my perspective on things :) Either way, I will respect your decision.

Have a good day.

Prolix.tales (talk) 01:52, March 4, 2017 (UTC)


 * Hello Prolix.


 * I am afraid I will have to deny this, even though it is a good story. We are loose with "scariness" in stories, but I don't see this as scary at all. It is an emotional story with some supernatural elements, which are not unsettling.


 * Also, if we were to accept any story with supernatural elements, stories like Lord of the Rings would be accepted, even though they are not aiming at horrifying the reader.


 * I'm sorry, but this is not a good fit for the site. If you feel you want a second admin to drop in, please let me know.


 * Hope to see more from you in the future. Have a good one. MrDupin (talk) 23:33, March 4, 2017 (UTC)

Who am I
Hello, it's me, the person who can't write creepypasta. I'm here to talk about my poem Who am I. I understand that it wasn't creepy, but it involved a rather creepy character. If it's a spin-off, I fully understand why: I did not create the character. However, I used proper grammar (to the best of my knowledge), and I don't believe I used any "dead" or overused words. They got helmets on they heads - BUT I GOT A WATAMELOAN INSTEAD! (talk) 03:35, March 5, 2017 (UTC)


 * I'm sorry, but starting with the basics, poetry (even free verse) does still have to follow a basic rhythm and flow. Poems that generally don't meet these standards are deleted/removed from the wiki. Of the three couplets, one was a slant/forced rhyme that really hindered the flow. "I am loved by the children, hated by the adults. / I am fully alive, yet I have no pulse". In the entire septet, a number of the lines negatively impact the flow. A general rule of thumb is to try and stick to the same amount of syllables or in a manner than can be spoken without one rhyming/paired line taking significantly longer than the other so lines like: "I am in a group, yet I am alone. / I was created by technology, yet I disable your phone." really make the poem feel burdensome.


 * On a final note, you'll notice that we don't have a lot of riddles floating around the website. There's a reason for this. It is typically very hard to make a riddle scary as the challenge lies more in solving it and not becoming invested in the story/atmosphere. Here's a more in-depth guide on poetry. As this poem has a number of issues with the rhythm, rhyme scheme, lyrical flow, and issues with the method of delivery itself, I really don't think this meets our quality standards. I would suggest looking over that guide as our standards for poetry are generally more stringent than our standards for stories. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:47, March 5, 2017 (UTC)

Thunder and Lightning
Hey,

Having had a hard time getting critique on the writers workshop, I decided to use sites designed for reviewing poetry. After this set of reviews, this review ("This was exceptional, a great read, it was confusing at first but I gave it a second read and I'm glad I did") and this review, I believe 'Thunder and Lightning' is to a high enough standard for publication.

Here is the poem

I've come to ask if there's any chance the story deletion can be overturned?

Kind regards,

Beddy Byes (talk) 14:54, March 10, 2017 (UTC)


 * There are quite a lot of issues here, a number of which lie in the poem itself. There are punctuation, wording, slant rhyme issues, as well as plot problems here.


 * A lot of slant/awkward rhymes. “I barely slept at all. / The spare room after the brawl.”, “The coffee machine brought no reply. / Nothing from the stove either. “Sigh”.”, “I run to the officer. / “Explain the coroner!””, etc. I’m wondering why exactly after Banned in CP brought up these awkward rhymes, you would re-post it without making any changes to fix them?


 * Punctuation: A majority of the dialogue in the poem is missing punctuation. ““Yes that’s me” I exclaim.”, “Looks like a homicide(.)””, ““Of course” I said in a whine.”, ““She’s been cleaning, how very odd(.)””, etc. Remember that poetry still must follow the rules of writing.


 * Punctuation cont.: Periods should be added only to the end of organic sentences (not every line) and commas should be used at proper fragments. Lines like: “The spare room after the brawl.”, “Under the covers in a dash.”, “The coffee machine brought no reply. / Not even any steam.”, etc.


 * Wording: A lot of times, it feels like you’re trying to force rhymes in to the detriment of lyrical flow. Lines like: “She must have burnt her toast. / Her cooking’s not to boast!”, “As I heard her leave, the kitchen I trod. / “She’s been cleaning, how very odd””, “A trip through the office to tell the boss. / It seems he won’t help me with this dross”, “I run to the officer. / “Explain the coroner!”, etc. These lines really make it seem like you’re trying to force this story into poetry format, but it is catching at places.


 * Story issues: The issues really fall along the same plot issues as “The Sixth Sense”. How exactly is he not realizing something is wrong here with people not reacting? “It seems he won’t help me with this dross. Even when confrontational.” He’s apparently shouting at his boss and the guy isn’t even batting an eye. I'm not sure how he's able to ignore the facts that everyone he's seeing is ignoring him without becoming suspicious.


 * Story issues cont.: The dying man’s dream/afterlife experience really feels like it needs more motive behind it. The protagonist gets shot in their bed, they go to work, they go home to see their corpse. It just really doesn’t coalesce into a story beyond that point. Take An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge for example. The protagonist there is running from their own execution and their attempts at escape drive the story, in yours, it feels more like odd events strung together that lack a payoff at the end.


 * Conclusion: I’m sorry, but this really isn’t up to quality standards. The frequent punctuation and wording errors really weigh down the story and the plot issues detract from the overall experience. The concept has been done quite a few times and it ends up feeling like a re-treading of the same grounds without anything being done beyond it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:08, March 10, 2017 (UTC)

Shadows In the fog
I purely just want to know what are the reasons behind being deleted. As far as I could see my punctuations Grammer were not all that off, bUT I could be wrong but truly any mistakes in Grammer or spelling  might of been minor I would like to know we're I may fix my story so I may have it uplaoded thank you


 * Your story was deleted as it was not up to quality standards. Starting with the basics that had no bearing on the deletion but are still important to know, you need to use source mode when posting as visual editor produces coding errors like this on every line: " SHADOWS IN THE FOG"  Onto the larger issues. There are a lot of issues here. I would strongly proof-reading your story as there are dozens and dozens of issues here ranging from capitalization, punctuation, wording, spelling, grammatical, as well as story issues.


 * Capitalization: Improperly capitalized words. "The old man wore a heavy flannel jacket and a old battered John deere (Deere) hat.", "HE (he) stared at me with wide eyes threw (sic) the windows.", "The Windows (windows) of the truck were slightly frosted", "this time the old man wore a Christmas hat not an old John deere (Deere) hat and he wore a khaki colored coat.", "I Couldn't (couldn't) get my eyes off of them", etc.


 * Capitalization issues cont.: Improperly capitalizing words after dialogue. ""Hey what's up, be with you in a  minute." The (the) store worker said to me when I entered", ""You alright out there bud?" Said (said) the  store clerk as she rang me up.", "One hundred percent on the house." The (the) store clerk said this and laughed", ""We are always around you Jorge. And we will have you (punctuation missing)" She (she) said this then reached at me as she began screaming.", etc.


 * Homophone issues: "HE stared at me with wide eyes threw (through) the windows.", "I could finally see houses threw (through) the cake of fog.", "I hit my breaks (brakes) instantly, smoke and the smell of burning rubber rose from my cars tires.", "Oh my God I'm glad your ok, you came out of no wear (nowhere) swerving all over the road" etc.


 * Punctuation: "my mind instantly feel to Stephen King's  (")The Mist("), you know the one where the thick white fog covered the town opening up another dimension and creatures came and started eating people." Proper punctuation missing from questions. "Why the hell  is this red light taking so long to change.(?)", "Wow it is colder than a gold diggers heart out here huh.", etc. "How the fuck  does she know my name.", etc. Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "I could still see who occupied the driver(')s seat.", "I hit my breaks instantly, smoke and the smell of burning rubber rose from my car(')s tires.", "Wow it is colder than a gold digger(')s heart out here huh.", etc.


 * Punctuation issues cont.: "The figure was like a cloak just a head and shoulders on the sidewalk next to my car.", "I threw my car into gear and when I was just about to realise the break and hit the gas she spoke to me again but this time the voice was calm.", "When I got to the soda fountain I immediately went for a forty four ounce cup and filled it lightly with ice and graciously with Dr. Pepper.", "I smiled and thanked her then started on out the store popping the chocolate in my mouth before I was even away from the counter.", etc.


 * Wording/Grammar:, "Then it all seist (sic), and I opened my eyes", "It(')s spooky foggy out there right now", "I didn't notice before I saw it but now since I seen it I could hear it's (its) breathing." , "I didn't give my name to her nether (giving names to a person's nether gets you in trouble) so I guess we're even.", "We both laughed at this. I took another drink of my Dr Pepper  Pepper then went to open my door.", "I drove down the road with a feeling of excite in my stomach", etc.


 * Story issues: There are more mechanical issues present, but it would take an extra hour just to detail them all so I'll suggest proof-reading your work and using the writer's workshop next time.Starting with formatting basics, two speakers should never be talking on the same paragraph. ""Its spooky foggy out there right now, I could only imagine driving in that cake of mist. You alright out there bud?" Said the  store clerk as she rang me up. I replied, "Yea I'm ok, just a bit shaken up by the fog, damn mist has a way of getting to me. As soon as I get on the 99 north I should be good, just need to get through here first."". It can muddle who is saying what and with what inflection.


 * Story issues cont.: Your story does a lot of telling and not showing. ""Not that much farther and we'll be home free with this shit in our cloudy rearview." My conscience questioned me, "Or will it be stuck on us forever?"" Addressing this sentiment outright feels like you're trying to force it. Who exactly thinks like that? The sentiment already exists so stating it outright feels a bit forced. ""In a religious book I read before it stated there were no such things as ghosts, but if you were to see a ghostly figure it is a demon trying to fool you so it could enter and possibly harm you." There are other issues here but I think this is a good enough starting point. I'm turning down this appeal for the reasons listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:50, March 12, 2017 (UTC)

Corinthian
Sorry, the last thing I did was the full story.

I don't understand why the story was denied. I know there were a few typos and I was about to edit them when I went to the page to find it deleted. I just... AH. I even changed the ending so it wasn't involving Proxy or Slenderman. I had my own character and the story just ended. So can you please tell me why it was removed....?


 * As I mentioned on your talk page: "Additionally I would strongly recommend against making the appeal at this time as just removing the mentions of Slenderman doesn't really fix the numbers capitalization, punctuation, wording, grammatical, and story issues." As such, I'm afraid I have to turn down this appeal as all these issues are still present.


 * Capitalization: You improperly capitalize words after dialogue. ""C-c(C)-c(C)orin?" She (she) mumbled softly,", ""If I were you..." He (he) mumbled, barely a whisper.", ""Trying to kill your old man huh?" He (he) growled, eyes flashing with violence.", etc.


 * Punctuation: Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "his hands were planted firmly on the sinks edge", "He watched her leave to the neighbor(')s house and grunted.", "Corin cracked his mother(')s door before trailing over to his father's", etc. You also tend to improperly use punctuation in dialogue. ""Get up and fight like a man." He hissed", ""Your lesson is over." He mumbled", etc.


 * Wording: "He was't (sic) going to kill her... Yet (yet)" A number of fragmented sentences. "He grunted, slipping away.", "No.", "His old home." Your earlier revision also had grammatical issues. it's=it is, its=possession"The beast spoke, it's voice sounded as if it gargled sandpaper and pebbles."


 * Story issues.: Starting with the basics, a majority of your story is told in bulky paragraphs due to you not spacing out the paragraphs with a complete space in-between. as such, the entire text of your story is three large paragraphs that are blocky. While that has no bearing on the story's deletion, it's still a formatting issue you should be aware of.


 * Story issues: However the largest issues lie in the story itself. The bullied protagonist, snaps, murders tormentors is really cliched and is very overused. "Corinthian, or Corin, was always the unstable child in school, even at home he was treated poorly by his abusive father. He would beat him, rape him, and everything in between" It comes off like a weak justification for murder to state the abuse on one line and not really go into how it's actively impacting and warping him.


 * Story issues cont.: This feels like a vehicle for introducing your OC that hits all the tropes contained in that genre: abused/bullied protagonist, self-mutilation, hoodie, murders tormentors, spouts catchphrase/one liner, flees into woods, etc. Here is a more in-depth guide on why OC/CPC stories tend to get deleted. I'm sorry, but the numerous mechanical issues paired with the generic story really weigh this down which is why I'm turning down this appeal and suggesting you take your next story to the writer's workshop. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:16, March 16, 2017 (UTC)

Ritual-Game
Why was my story deleted? I used proper grammar, and I believe the story was intact. If this is about the lack of detail on Kitty's parents, then I understand. Or is using a human devil cliché? What was wrong? They got helmets on they heads - BUT I GOT A WATAMELOAN INSTEAD! (talk) 04:02, March 24, 2017 (UTC)


 * Starting with the basics, do not have two speakers addressing each other in the same paragraph. (""What's your name?" "Katherine. But everyone calls me Kitty." He smiled. "Well, Kitty, come with me after school. I think I can help."") It muddles who is saying what and with what inflection. Additionally it impacts story flow to crunch an entire conversation into a few lines and force an audience to look over multiple times to get the full story for something that should be organically and easily told.


 * A lot of the issues here lie in the story itself. First and foremost, "I learned his name was Lucifer." Lucifer hasn't been an accepted name for centuries due to its negative connotation. How exactly does this not ring any alarm bells for the protagonist? Especially when this is the next line: "Finally, Lucifer led me into the basement. There was a statue of a large creature with devil horns, wings, and other disturbing features. (Calling something disturbing also really doesn't work if you're looking to convey horror)" It's incredibly unbelievable that the protagonist would continue following this person AND that the person would give that name in the first place if they're trying to trick them into being possessed. It'd be like a person introducing themselves as Jack the Ripper and inviting someone to see their knife collection in a nearby alley. It seems like common sense/basic self-preservation to not take them up on that offer.


 * Even if we're to believe the protagonist is extremely trusting, their actions still feel extremely unbelievable. "Then he took out a black book with a strange symbol on it and, reading from it, began chanting in an odd language. I went along with him, believing it to simply be a game of sorts" How exactly do they reach this conclusion in the first place? "all the way chattering about his savior. I was beginning to find this "Beast" annoying, but out of politeness, I kept quiet" How exactly does this not raise any red flags either? Later, when invited back there's absolutely no reason for them to go with them. "I didn't want to, but I agreed. (Why? Just stating that they think it's a bad idea but not giving a reason points out the inconsistency in the story and doesn't resolve it.) As I went to the basement, I prayed to whatever god existed that I survived (sic) this."


 * "We talked for a bit before he noticed a rather large bruise on my left cheek. ... I told him all about how my parents hate me, how they mistreat me, how they don't care." How exactly has another teacher not noticed this? The protagonist is walking around with a clearly visible bruise on their face. It seems incredibly hard to overlook especially when random people are commenting, especially when they comment to this being a frequent occurrence.


 * The story is also incredibly rushed and lacking effective build-up. "I began shrieking as the creature rattled my innards. So this was possession." How exactly do they know it's possession. Up to this point they're just standing with their mouth open in front of a 'ghostlike thing'. (Why exactly are they following basic orders at this point anyway?) I'm sorry, but you're expecting the audience to suspend a lot of their disbelief for the story and there's very little payoff. The protagonist blindly follows directions, does incredibly unbelievable things like ignoring clear and present danger, and the story is rushed with descriptions painting images that are supposed to be the key point in the story as " I saw a black ghostlike thing emerge and come toward me" and scenes that are supposed to build-up the story as "Then he took out a black book with a strange symbol on it and, reading from it, began chanting in an odd language." I'm sorry, but even without having as many mechanical issues (there still are instances of awkward wording as seen above) the story really isn't effectively told. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:22, March 24, 2017 (UTC)

Why I hate conspiracy theories
Well, people said it was written poorly. The thing is - im Polish, and I tried by very best. I won't baww about how this was my fist pasta in english, because it wasn't. Someone could edit it tho, to fix all the mistakes, instead of just deleting it. I tried my best at doing it, and it has no means of offending people, just saying. I can't fix it myself, because to be honest I don't know what's broken, other than the repeating "I"s later in the story, and the kinda rushed ending. It would be nice if someone would give it a second chance. That's it.

Story here - http://pl.polska-lego-moc.wikia.com/wiki/Backup1

Gloshno2 (talk)


 * I think you should check out Dix's message on your talk page because he very succinctly summed up why the story was deleted. The gist of it is this - one of our quality standards is that a story is not riddled with grammatical errors. Your story was riddled with grammatical errors so it didn't meet that standard and was deleted. If you'd like to get an idea of how to improve your story that's fine, you can post it to the workshop where it'll get in-depth feedback. One important thing I'd like to mention though is that it's no one else's job to make sure your story is written well except you. It's one thing to use the workshop to seek help and find out how to improve your English and to see what mistakes you made, it's something else entirely to expect other people to fix your stories on your behalf. I understand that it must be hard to write in another language but that doesn't mean that we can accept stories that are below our standards. Ultimately, I would love to give your story a second chance but it's not actually my decision. It's yours. You're the one who has to decide whether this story is worth fixing, and you have to take the time out to seek advice and help on how to fix it. I can't do that for you. I hope you appreciate the position of the admins on this wikia and use the numerous resources available on this website to help improve and learn ChristianWallis (talk) 15:45, March 29, 2017 (UTC)

The Minotaur
Howdy,

I have A revision of my story that I'd like y'all to look at.

LaymonsTerms (talk)LaymonsTerms


 * You should include a pastebin link if you have it otherwise the appeal will continue as if no changes had been made. (I'd also strongly recommend taking it to the writer's workshop first as your issues weren't solely mechanical.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:21, April 6, 2017 (UTC)


 * No changes have been made and since I'm getting ready to clear the appeal, I'm setting it to denied until a copy/revision is provided. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:15, April 16, 2017 (UTC)

Curiosity Killer
I revised my story and did find the issue with my story but I am asking if I can put it up for I had edited it further from the errors I did find its my first story that I wrote a while ago and I now see why it was but I'm asking for a second chance with it. The link to the new sorta fixed story I'd like you to revise- www.quotev.com/story/6697295/Curiosity-Killer


 * I'm sorry, but there are still a lot of issues here. Your revisions don't really fix a majority of the issues I noted in the story involving incorrect spelling, grammar, wording, capitalization, punctuation, and story issues.


 * Awkward sentence structure. "I decided to move to Colorado with my sister Natalie for a year or two, because when I was young my mom died in a car accident and so did one of my sister's (sisters)(.) nobody likes to talk about, and after that day my dad was very abusive so I decided to move in with Nat so I can get away from the abuse. (redundant use of the word abuse)", "There's a dining room to your left that lead to the kitchen and a hall and to the left another doorway to the kitchen and straight ahead the living room.", etc. I suggest reading these sentences aloud to see how they flow and to understand why writing them like that interferes with the story's flow.


 * Capitalization: A majority of your dialogue is missing proper capitalization. "Nat then said "do (Do) you want to go out to eat with us we are thinking Red Lobster for dinner"", "so (So) sorry(comma missing) gotta go though, see ya!", "Vlad said "its (It's) about 9:30 did you not notice how dark it was outside?"", etc. Remember that dialogue needs proper capitalization and punctuation. You also forget to capitalize proper nouns. "I then look out the window to see it was quite dark out i (I) then said", "i then turn the volume up and the news lady said", etc.


 * Grammar: "the murderer marks there (their) victims with a ripped mouth" It's=it is, its=possession. "its (It's) about 9:30". Spelling: There are a lot of typos here. "It's a two-story house and when you walk in you see a stair case (staircase)", "We stopped in front of a bed room (bedroom) with beige", "I finally finished unpacking everything and headed down stairs", "I heard him mumble curses under his breathe (breath).", etc. There are quite a lot more misspellings here.


 * Punctuation: "I arrived at Nat(apostrophe missing)s house a week from my birthday" "I heard Nat yell(,/:) "Brooke, your stuff arrived!"", "I giggle and quickly said(,/:) "so (So) sorry(comma missing) gotta go though, see ya!"", "insane laugh and said(,/:) "Maybe because my father". You also really need to use punctuation correctly as they are missing from a majority of the sentences where they are needed. Take this line for example: "she then started twitching and more of the goo started falling like tears(period missing) she then threw a hatchet at my head missing by millimeters and then she reached down to her combat boots and in one swift move threw a knife at me cutting my arm."


 * Format: Starting with the essentials, your paragraphs need a lot more breaking up. A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences. Some of your paragraphs are blocky and difficult to read due to the fact that they're the length of half a page. You also should space dialogue out so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. ("i then said "nah, I want to just relax. Also, I don't like fish" they both nodded and Vlad then said "okay, we will leave money if you want to order pizza or something, unless you find something in the cabinets you want then just eat it. We will be back at around 10:30 maybe 11:00") This is done to prevent misattribution and to improve story flow.


 * Story issues: A lot of your dialogue needs work as it feels unnatural and out of place. "This is around the 10 murder this month and nobody had seen the mass murderer and don't know if they are male or female.", "They can't find a single trace of the murderer and they have no conclusions, all we know is that the murderer marks there victims with a ripped mouth and drains all the blood of the victims using some of the blood to right (sic) on the wall, they also take the hearts of the victim, also we know their name is Night Slash.", "Maybe because my father killed me doing this to me!" A bit of advice I can give is to read your stories around and think about how the dialogue comes off. If it feels awkward, generally it could use revision to make it feel more naturalistic.


 * Story issues cont.: The story needs a lot of work on its pacing. The protagonist escapes, moves in with their grandparents, and encounters your OC all within two sentences ("I then ran for the door to the police only to find out my dad died too, and that I'll be living with my grandparents. I got into the car and looked out the window to see Night Slash standing at the end of the woods behind the house her eyes were brown and the goo was gone") and it makes the story feel extremely rushed.


 * Story issues cont.: Finally, we no longer accept slender man stories ("behind her was a tall man in a suit and a red tie he didn't have a face and was paper white.") due to their tendency to fall into the typical 'Proxy-style' tales. There are other mechanical and story issues here, but I'm afraid this is enough to point out the numerous issues that are still present in the story and to turn down this appeal. I strongly suggest using the writer's workshop (see deletion message for a link) as there are quite a lot of problems here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:11, April 9, 2017 (UTC)

The Requiem Plays Silently.
Okay, I'm pretty sure that Empty didn't have time to read this and he just deleted it on a whim. I went though it to make sure that there were no grammar mistakes. And as far as the "quality standards" go, I think I did a fair job.

https://pastebin.com/t4dTuWiF   The Star is falling   Greet the First Dawn!  04:12, April 9, 2017 (UTC)


 * I actually did read it, which is how I noticed the numerous wording, spelling, and plot issues. I would suggest thinking before claiming someone's 'deleting things on a whim' as it makes you look like you're not properly reviewing your stories and instead trying to shunt blame. Nice job on making some edits in-between then and posting this appeal though, a shame you didn't do that at the start and maybe I would have spent more time thinking about its overall quality. ("Why not use it to obtain unlimited power and imfluence (sic), and all that you may desire?") That being said, you did revise it so I'll only focus on the issues you overlooked.


 * Wording/Spelling: "On the most fundamental level, a necrokinect can both inflict and undo death (Besides the clunkiness of the word 'necrokinect' which makes me think of an edgy Wii game, I wonder why if they are able to undo death that the protagonist wouldn't have that ability themselves)", "I (sic) was night, almost pitch black, save for one(unneeded space) street lamp", "I would signify my choice ba (sic) raising either hand", "I received (sic) a phone call from my sister", "they were dresses (sic) in black jumpsuit." etc. Please spend time actually proof-reading your stories as opposed to pretending the admins have some imaginary grudge against you.


 * Truncated/awkwardly worded sentences "Through years, the dreams went on.", "I transferred death that was meant to (for) her to another person, who could (word missing?) live long life and die of (old) age, just so that she may live.", "And to top it all up(off, the colloquialism is 'top it off'), it started raining heavily, virtually out of nowhere.", etc. Redundancy: "I didn't like it, but my parents had the final word. Initially, I hated it. But over the time, I grew to like it" At least state why they didn't like it to make it seem less repetitive. "After a few moments of silence, the person opposite of me buried its face in its palms and started to weep. It wept for several more minutes, before saying, in a voice that was as deep as earth, the only words I ever remember hearing from it:" Remember that if you're referring to a person, you should use he, she, or they (if unsure).


 * Story issues: Plot holes. With this line: "Try to picture this: you dream of a person dying, and within short time, that person will inevitably die, often in a manner that transpired in your dream. You cannot control it, you cannot change the outcome, you cannot stop that person from dying." it seems counterintuitive that their dream wouldn't be prophetic at all. "The first dream happened when I was only 7 years old. I dreamed of my grandfather breaking his neck. Only days later, he slipped on frozen stairs. He survived, but he broke his right arm, and the paramedics that took him to the hospital said that it was a miracle he didn't break his neck."


 * Story issues cont.: There's a lot of out-of-place information here that either needs more explanation or focus. "Due to some strange habit of mine, I always sleep on the right edge of a bed, so there is plenty of room for at least two persons on the rest of it." Why sleep that way? Why mention it at all in that manner? It seems awkwardly shoe-horned in so they could wake up next to someone. Lines like this also need more focus: "At first, she was just a colleague. Then a friend. And before I knew it, I was in love with her over the Ninth Heaven." This really doesn't set up an involving romance or incentive for the audience to follow the protagonist's plight.


 * Story issues final: There are more issues here, but my pointing out all the incorrect content is growing longer than the story itself so I'll cut it off with one more thing. It's not effectively told. There is no characterization here that makes the audience put themselves in the protagonist's shoes. Lines like this: "I could only sit there, as helpless as a child, and watch the only person I truly loved stride ever closer to the Reaper." feel like an attempt to inject pathos into the story, but the fact the girl has no discernible characteristics (or even a name really) makes it feel ineffective and just emphasize that more. As the story isn't effectively told, there's no real incentive for the audience to read it. I'm sorry, but this story fails to meet our quality standards due to its numerous wording, spelling, and story issues. I suggest using the writer's workshop next time. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:42, April 9, 2017 (UTC)

Knocking at the Door
I am making this appeal in hopes that more careful consideration will be given to my story Knocking at the Door as I have fixed my spelling errors in the final paragraph, and I now know how to prevent the paragraph spacing errors, which were caused by an inbuilt predjudice of the visual editor. Knocking at the Door, now with selling and grammar corrected, as it was when I mistakenly attempted to re-upload (with necessary corrections) can be found here in my deviantART gallery Knocking at the Door

P.S. This appeal form is not very intuitive, or user-friendly. It's giving me a migraine, and I'm an adult. Many Creepypasta writers are much younger and might have a hard time figuring these things out, besides that the form does not integrate with the spellcheck I've had to comb this twice to catch my typos. Having a story immediately deleted is distressing enough the appeal form should be less nightmarish.

Thanks in advance for your consideration BenFugman (talk) 20:38, April 9, 2017 (UTC)BenFugman


 * I'm sorry, but you've made little to no changes here from either version posted (or reuploaded) to this site. The capitalization, punctuation, spelling, and story issues are still here so I'm following the header above ("making a deletion appeal without having a revised copy of the story in pastebin or having a link to the re-worked version on the writer's workshop will likely result in your story being denied and the administrator pointing out the reasons why they deleted the story.") and turning down the appeal outright and listing my reasoning for why this story fails to meet quality standards. The examples I use are from your 'updated' version in case you are wondering.


 * Capitalization: You forget to properly capitalize a number of sentences. "faces. their (Their) eyes almost entirely filled in with blue save the small white space left to represent specular lighting.", "breath. then the knocking finally stopped and I heard the boards of the porch creaking as if a very heavy man were tiptoeing across.", etc. You also randomly capitalize words in the middle of sentences. "Far to the west the sun painted pink fire onto the clouds, It (it) would have been beautiful", "Then I heard it, Three (three) sharp loud knocks, no more or less.", etc.


 * Spelling: There are a lot of typos here. “Com (Come) on out! Don’t you wanna have some fun?”, "I couldn’t move, could barely breath (breathe).", "I blinked a couple times and each time they had gotten much farther off until the (they) were out of sight.", "even by mt (my) 3 year old brother.", etc. I'm sorry, but this doesn't feel like you revised it at all. All of these popped right up when I copy/pasted it to Word for easy review.


 * Punctuation: A majority of your poem is missing proper punctuation. ("Late last night and the night before / Tommy-knockers, Tommy-knockers knocking at the door(.)", "Once again I wait within, they call me to the door / Can’t move an inch, nor even flinch, my feet stick to the floor(.)") Grammar: "a slightly fish eyed perspective with blank looks on they’re (their) faces." You also miss a number of times where you should be using punctuation. "On this particular evening in late summer with water from the previous day’s rain storm still soaking into the rich top soil I found that I was nervous because the sun was close to setting and I was unused to being alone at night."


 * Story issues: The story feels pointlessly overwritten. "First, however, I feel it is necessary for me to clarify that I had never heard of a black eyed child at the time, nor do I feel that the term is any more than a placeholder, an arbitrary, if accurate, physical descriptor assigned by a culture that has forgotten its history." The protagonist is recalling these events from their childhood so it comes off as a massive tonal shift when they react like this to the sound of knocking: "Far to the west the sun painted pink fire onto the clouds, It would have been beautiful, if I was not so concentrated on my concern at the fact that my family had not yet returned." It doesn't really improve the story any and makes it seem like you're overwriting it for the purpose of making the events have more gravitas (when sadly they don't).


 * Story issues cont.: As I said before "Even if it is true like you're claiming, the manner in which it is told starts off incredibly dry and really doesn't do a good job putting the audience into the protagonist's shoes to make the story tense." The story basically amounts to someone knocking on the door, the protagonist being frozen in place, and then they leave. There's no real attempt to inject any real sense of terror into the story and the cold opening really doesn't help much. It basically follows all the steps of a BEK story without any real attempt to make the audience invested. As we already have a number of these tales on the site that are more effectively told (see Black-Eyed Kids in Kansas, Black-Eyed People and My Encounter with the Black Eyed Kids for reference), I really don't see the point in accepting yours with its numerous mechanical and plot issues.


 * A final note: Given that the only real difference between this entry and the Crappypasta entry is the paragraph at the end which really doesn't add much to the story, I'm going to turn down this appeal. I'd advise taking your next story to the writer's workshop and actually listening to advice. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:06, April 9, 2017 (UTC)

Fallen
Hey so its my second time I've posted my "Fallen" story and once again, I got deleted. As you already know, I am new to the rules of Creepypasta and I have read your feedback thoroughly and I am pleased that you have provided constructive criticism. In my re-edited version, I've written in first person and I've clarified the premise of the protagonist killing his wife as a result of making the botched wish with the fallen angel. I've made the wording alot clearer and I added a cruel twist to the meaning of "We've been through alot and I was hoping you could change this tragic situation for the better." Also, I've made the ending alot clearer and less forced and I've made sure it was easy enough for the audience to figure out what would happen next. I guess I was being too vague in my last version of "Fallen".

For your clarification about your disbelief about a glass shard being able to kill a person and fitting in two children in a stove, have you ever been cut by glass before? It is very painful and can cut deep into the skin especially if the edges of the shard are extremely sharp and it can kill someone if you penetrate into someone's body several body, especially with brutal force hence why I used the word "viciously" to describe the nature of the murder of the protagonist's wife. Also, the children in this story are small and some stoves can be large enough to fit two small-sized children in. I was partly inspired by Hansel and Gretel for that scene. (~)

Link of my re-edited story:


 * As I already pointed out a lot of issues present in the story that you repeated, I'm just going to copy/paste a lot of this and provide clarification along the way. The story was deleted as it did not meet our quality standards. I'll skip over the spacing, punctuation ("Then, the inmate next to me uttered under his breath, (line break) "John 8, 44, 8, 44, 8, 44, 8, 44, 8, 44, 8, 44""), and wording ("I never read that book in a while and I was hoping that it'd be provide me answers.") errors and dive straight into the story.


 * Story issues: The story is still incredibly rushed with you trying to jump immediately into the wish than building it up properly. "Not so fast. You either have two options. One, I can leave you alone but my presence shall continually permeate every aspect of your life until you die. Two, you can grant me any wish to your desire and I shall leave you alone and get it over and done with. Now what shall it be?" said the man." The devil says this almost immediately and it feels like you're trying to skip over any introduction/setting of the scene.


 * Story issues cont.: "For your clarification about your disbelief about a glass shard being able to kill a person and fitting in two children in a stove, have you ever been cut by glass before?" I'm sorry, but all you have to do is look at the scene before to understand the issues. The glass broke from just being dropped. How exactly is something that's already been broken able to stab someone multiple times (even if it slides between the ribs, it still has to pass through a lot of muscle.) without breaking? ("Charlie rushed over to his two children and stabbed them with the glass shard as well.") Even taking into account the possibility that he's stabbing them (apparently missing all bone and muscle in the chest) and you still have an issue with the number of times he's stabbing them with the glass not breaking (at least four times, but likely more).


 * Story issues cont.: I find it less convincing that they have an oven large enough to fit two children inside ("In his maddened state, Charlie slammed his wife's head against the drawers, opened the door of the stove behind her and shoved both children inside alive before sealing it shut.") Given their actions, I'm going to assume the kids are at least seven years old and the average height of a seven year old is about four feet. How exactly did he fit two children in an oven (whose average size is about three feet at best) when both of them are around that height unless it's a massive industrial oven. It just feels unrealistic that an over would be able to fit two children in it and be capable of burning them into ashes.


 * Story issues cont.: As for the recording, it seems you just subbed out the recording for a random picture that still feels completely out of place and creates plot holes. (Who took the picture? How did they without being noticed? Why are police giving said picture to the man? ETC.) The 'you're in danger' style ending still feels a bit forced. A lot of character actions also feel fairly forced and are lacking build-up. Why exactly are they giving him photographic evidence of the scene of the crime after he's been arrested? It feels a bit shoe-horned in to drive home the supernatural nature of the events (despite the audience already knowing that), but it doesn't quite work in the aspect that someone would be able to take a photo at an active crime scene.


 * Final: Like I said at the end: "As it stands, this needs quite a lot of revision." This feels more like some minor adjustments that don't really attempt to fix the story at all. As the premise (deal with the devil gone bad) has been done quite a lot and your story has a lot of plot issues, I'm turning down this appeal. One last note, the story technically counted as a reupload as it hit a lot of the same notes as the first one. Reuploading it again will be treated as a violation of the site rules. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:37, April 12, 2017 (UTC)

Infection
This is my proudest Creepypasta. I had used proper punctuation, gave every named character a reasonable name, made no grammar mistakes, as I sometimes tend to do on accident and added every aspect of a good story. I do not see how the story went against guidelines. I had noticed the name was used before, but was deleted. If I could get an explanation as to why my story was deleted, I'd very much appreciate it.

Createsans (talk) Unknown time, April 15, 2017 (UTC)


 * Your story was deleted as it wasn't up to quality standards. As no changes have been made as of the appeal, I'm turning it down while pointing out the errors that were present in the story. Starting with the basics, you need to space out dialogue so everything isn't condensed into a single paragraph. Doing it like this: ""Cool name, dude!" Jax complimented. Axel was nervous. "Are you an adult? Not to sound weird, or... uh... anything." Axel asked. "Nope. Startin' 10th grade at Forestview High tomorrow." Jax had said. "Oh, uh... me too! What a coincidence." Axel said." makes it difficult to understand who's saying what and with what intonation. It also helps story flow.


 * I'm just going to gloss over the punctuation (improperly punctuated dialogue: "Not to sound weird, or... uh... anything." Axel asked.", "Nope. Startin' 10th grade at Forestview High tomorrow.", "Jax had said. "Oh, uh... me too! What a coincidence." Axel said.", etc. ), wording ("Jax." he (the) muscled man introduced.", "He thought. (he thought what)", etc.), and grammar ("And what's you're (your)... uh... name?"") issues and move on to the story as that's the largest issue with the story.


 * Story issues: The characters are cartoonish. The bullies just feel shoe-horned in to fit the OC/CPC story of a bullied teenager who snaps and murders a parent/others. The mother fares no better with her actions being nonsensical. ("she had his father's shotgun pointed directly at him. "It was all a ruse, Axel. You leave, I sell your books, then I kill you." she explained.") How long has she been planning this and why exactly is she killing him over a couple hundred bucks? It feels really out-of-place.


 * Story issues cont.: The plot is even more problematic. What kind of bugs are capable of eating someone alive in such a short time span? ("He saw bug-infested mold and pushed his mother right into it. She was infected by the bugs and mold. "You're infected inside and out now." She shot him in the arm then was eaten alive by the bugs.") Additionally being shot in the arm at pointblank range with a shotgun would do an unbelievable amount of debilitating damage to someone yet Axel is running around fine. Your OC is also able to build a complicated bomb with a timer that's capable of completely leveling a house despite being about fifteen years old and likely not having that information/materials on such short notice.


 * Story issues final: There are other errors here, but I think this is enough to explain why the story was deleted and this appeal is being turned down. I'll wrap it up by saying that the story feels incredibly rushed and comes off like a generic OC/CPC story. The protagonist is bullied, has abusive parent/s, snaps, murders them, and begins a rampage. There's nothing new here and it doesn't really create an involving story with interesting characters. Your story even has the newspaper article opening that's present in a majority of CPC stories. You also really rush through the plot and nothing feels like it's building to the end. You introduce the bullies who are never heard from again. The protagonist meets Jax who leaves after a few lines. Then the protagonist kills their mom and decides to call themselves infection despite it only being mentioned once in the story. I'm sorry but this hits a lot of the generic tropes associated with these stories and it feels like you wrote it in under an hour. As such, I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:00, April 15, 2017 (UTC)