Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26007602-20150501010846/@comment-25037895-20150502043634

Here's my advice:


 * 1) and pistons pushed slowly forced themselves down. |Wording issue. You could take out the word "pushed" to fix that. Or, "pistons slowly pushed themselves down." I think I like the last one better.
 * 2) Of course, Garrett had little idea what was the cause of these sounds |This phrase reads a little choppy, the second part of this sentence is excellent. Maybe change it to, "Garret had no idea what caused the sounds".
 * 3) and letting through only his shallow breaths as they slowed to a crawl |This sentence would read better without the word "and".
 * 4) and belonged to are rather furious female | Wording issue. Maybe change it to "and belonged to a rather furious female".
 * 5) nearly as threatened as he did prior. | "Prior doesn't really fit there".
 * 6) he decided it be better than upsetting Reilly. | Maybe add "would" after "it".
 * 7) liquid simply dripped onto the pipes equipment beneath | Wording issue. Maybe add "and" after "pipes".

First off, I think the description in this is nearly flawless. I enjoyed reading all of it. The concept towards the end is a little confounding to me. One thing is, the people crushed by this machine would certainly die from being ripped apart with their organs bouncing off the wall and landing on the floor. Also, it sounds horrific, but the people that are alive in the machine would not become dependent on the pain caused by the machine. It seems like those parts were added in there to increase the fright. It takes away from a story that doesn't need to be more gruesome.

In terms of where to go next, maybe a fight scene between the robots that patrol the facility and the characters.