Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20170913043428/@comment-4849011-20170915210949

I've only gotten through part of it, but I thought I'd go ahead and post some notes before I have to leave.


 * The word aigrette was used to describe several things from the egret, or lesser white heron) to a type of deep-fried fritter made of batter in an elongated shape.- The word aigrette was used to describe several things from the egret (or lesser white heron) to a type of deep-fried fritter made of batter in an elongated shape. Or The word aigrette was used to describe several things from the egret, or lesser white heron) to a type of deep-fried fritter made of batter in an elongated shape.- The word aigrette was used to describe several things from the egret, or lesser white heron, to a type of deep-fried fritter made of batter in an elongated shape.
 * Lizards and ground birds scurried out of my way disappearing into the surrounding meadowland.- Lizards and ground birds scurried out of my way, disappearing into the surrounding meadowland.
 * Tabs gave a little mew of disapprove and then jumped back onto my shoulder.- Tabs gave a little mew of disapproval and then jumped back onto my shoulder.
 * With an exasperated sigh I closed my eyes and tried to get back to sleep, a faint noxious odor made me think otherwise.- With an exasperated sigh I closed my eyes and tried to get back to sleep. A faint noxious odor made me think otherwise.
 * Despite the fact that I was a teenager with an independent streak a mile long; my parents thought it was best that I had a babysitter. So they hired Madame Mosley, who bore a somewhat striking resemblance to a Baba Yaga, I saw in a recent horror movie. In case, you didn’t know who Baba Yaga was, she was this iron-toothed witch in Slavic folklore who flew around in a giant mortar and pestle, kidnapping (and presumably devouring) small children and other people stupid-enough to get lost in her woods. Oh, and she also lived in a yurt hut, which stood on chicken legs and surrounded by bone fences adorned with skulls with glowing eyes.- Despite the fact that I was a teenager with an independent streak a mile long, my parents thought it was best that I had a babysitter. So they hired Madame Mosley, who bore a somewhat striking resemblance to a Baba Yaga I saw in a recent horror movie. In case you didn’t know who Baba Yaga was, she was this iron-toothed witch in Slavic folklore who flew around in a giant mortar and pestle, kidnapping (and presumably devouring) small children and other people stupid enough to get lost in her woods. Oh, and she also lived in a yurt hut, which stood on chicken legs and was surrounded by bone fences adorned with skulls with glowing eyes.
 * I always hated the town pool with its harsh chlorine smell, the crowded locker room with so little privacy, the scrum of noisy kids running about ( some with very little bladder control), and the nosey people (tourists mostly) who constantly badgered me with probing questions-- I always hated the town pool with its harsh chlorine smell, the crowded locker room with so little privacy, the scrum of noisy kids running about (some with very little bladder control), and the nosey people (tourists mostly) who constantly badgered me with probing questions--
 * “Yes, these things,” intoned Madame Mosley. “Don’t ever step between the chained cairns...you know that big metal gate at the center of those stones.”- “Yes, these things,” intoned Madame Mosley. “Don’t ever step between the chained cairns...you know that big metal gate at the center of those stones?”
 * “Well, the French Revolution came, and like so many noble families, the Chanterelles were ruined by it. Most fearing for their safety, fled to neighboring countries, and the few that remained kept to themselves in that old dilapidated house, too proud and ashamed to accept any charity, the only sign of their existence were a few old servants coming to town for supplies.- “Well, the French Revolution came, and like so many noble families, the Chanterelles were ruined by it. Most, fearing for their safety, fled to neighboring countries, and the few that remained kept to themselves in that old dilapidated house, too proud and ashamed to accept any charity. The only sign of their existence was a few old servants coming to town for supplies.
 * “Folk around here, don’t like to talk about it, and most visitors to these parts don’t even know about the Chanterelle Place, which is a good thing because not only keeping mum on this legend keeps us from being invaded by hundreds of noisy, obnoxious explorers and thrill seekers, it keeps visitors from falling victim to the Curse.”- “Folk around here don’t like to talk about it, and most visitors to these parts don’t even know about the Chanterelle Place, which is a good thing because not only does keeping mum on this legend keep us from being invaded by hundreds of noisy, obnoxious explorers and thrill seekers, it also keeps visitors from falling victim to the Curse.”
 * “Yeah,” said Madam Mosley gravely. “It’s widely believed that anyone who dares to venture past the cairns to stand in front of that Gate, will be stricken with bad luck, illness and even death under mysterious circumstances. Supposedly that place claimed an untold number of lives over the last 300 years.”- “Yeah,” said Madam Mosley gravely. “It’s widely believed that anyone who dares to venture past the cairns to stand in front of that Gate will be stricken with bad luck, illness and even death under mysterious circumstances. Supposedly that place claimed an untold number of lives over the last 300 years.”
 * “You did go up to that Gate, did you? Perhaps you thought you could just go and pick at the lock?”- Did you mean “You didn’t go up to that Gate, did you?” I ask because I can see it being either one.
 * “I know something was very fishy with that place, got that creepy feeling people get when something bad was going to happen. Well, I soon found these pathways in back and tried to walk up them--”- “I knew something was very fishy with that place, got that creepy feeling people get when something bad was going to happen. Well, I soon found these pathways in back and tried to walk up them--”
 * “And you never seemed to move forward?” said Madam Mosley, cutting me off. “No matter how hard you try and no matter whichever path you take, you never seem to get any closer to the House itself. You’re not the first to experience this odd phenomenon, since I’m no wise woman, I don’t rightfully know if it’s part of the curse or if there are further barriers which prevent you from getting any closer, but promise me you keep well away from those Stones and Gate. The place isn’t for the likes of living folk like us, but a place for the dead...and not the good honorable dead, but the dark twisted souls that don’t deserve a return to life and rebirth.”- “And you never seemed to move forward?” said Madam Mosley, cutting me off. “No matter how hard you try and no matter whichever path you take, you never seem to get any closer to the House itself. You’re not the first to experience this odd phenomenon. Since I’m no wise woman, I don’t rightfully know if it’s part of the curse or if there are further barriers which prevent you from getting any closer, but promise me you will keep well away from those Stones and Gate. The place isn’t for the likes of living folk like us, but a place for the dead...and not the good honorable dead, but the dark twisted souls that don’t deserve a return to life and rebirth.”
 * “But what if it’s someone in serious trouble?” I protested, rather annoyed. “What if it’s a starving or injured animal--a stay kitten even? Am I supposed to turn my back on that?”- “But what if it’s someone in serious trouble?” I protested, rather annoyed. “What if it’s a starving or injured animal--a stray kitten even? Am I supposed to turn my back on that?”
 * I nodded as I refilled Madam Mosley’s tea. Not the worst of it? I wondered. What could be worse than a bunch of nationalistic in-bred, Gentry snobs? Still I bit my tongue and waited patiently while the crone sipped her tea slowly.- I don’t think the last sentence should be italicized.
 * “The Chanterelles were like that. With each generation, they got crazier and more greedier for power, wealth and immortality until after centuries of isolation they were only hinted at in rumors, and there were a lot of rumors about that place although none were even proven because people either didn’t take it serious or else, they were too scared to have a look.- Did you mean “even proven” or “ever proven”?

I'll get to the rest later. I'm liking it so far.