Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26117009-20150216231915/@comment-26007602-20150217205644

I'll try and keep this one brief.

You're missing an ending. There's no satisfying conclusion, nor is there enough plot here that would leave you able to leave it open ended. I understand what you're trying to do, but there's only one event in this story; there's no room for interpretation and what not.

The ghost lady itself isn't very scary. It's been done in even the mainstream media sooooo many times for it to have any effect on people. I think you'll either need to make her do more than play with the kid (also overdone) or create a new figure entirely. Currently, it just doesn't seem that inspired or original.

The letter is also a bit messily written. It isn't written poorly per say; it just doesn't flow well. I also don't believe that the writer is going to be able to recall all of her conversations verbatim with her daughter; that part reads too much like you're telling the character, not your character. In fact, a lot of the letter is written this way. The part where your character does a bit of research was nice, but barely anything else reads like a letter.

Hope ya found this useful!