Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24946232-20140704022942/@comment-24381191-20140704105404

I think this is pretty good. Wasn't it originally called Hell Hen?

Okay, first: You don't need to use the elipsis(es?) at all, I find them extremely... annoying...they ...don't add to thee story...at all. <-- See what I mean? Also, 'staring into my soul' DunDun DUNN. *Chicken intensifies* Do not, under any circumstance, use 'staring into my soul' It's cliche, and often used by shitpastas to seem well written.

Second, ' She shrugged it off and took the hen and placed it into a cat carrier to take it  HOME' You used and too many times in the same sentence.

Third, the last paragraph is incredibly cliche, I would suggest scrapping the entire para.

There's a few typos, like 'haunched' I don't know if that's supposed to be hunched, or it's a word I haven't heard.

' whilst we were eating, my cousin was staring at the chicken in the coop.' The 'W' isn't capitalised, and don't use two continous statements in the same sentence. Write 'Whilst we ate, my cousin was staring at the chicken in the coop.' OR 'Whilst we were eating, my cousin stared at the chicken in the coop'

In the sentence right after that, said should be replaced with another word, It's on the tip of my tongue, but I can't seem to remember it. Other than that, this is actually a pretty good pasta, fix these edits and post it right away.