Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25199611-20150709211018/@comment-17775030-20150710211958

Hi.

I feel like this story has no real substance. I kind of understand where you're trying to go with this but I'm not sure you understand how to make the reader get to that conclusion. Is the man going to turn into the creature mentioned earlier in the story? Are they replacing his blood too? And what is the purpose of the blood replacement? Why were the two subjects in the room together with the animated corpse?

There are too many questions that are not resolved through the course of the story. It could be much longer and better told.

Also, this feels to me a lot like other creepypastas I've read, such as the Russian Sleep Experiment, or the Blood Freezing Experiment Stories to name a few. I would say that you should try to branch out in a more original direction and flesh out the different ideas.

Basically, YOU know what it is you're writing about, but WE don't. Fill us in with as much detail as you can without comprimising the storytelling.

Also, I take tremendous issue with "all of a sudden". I know it's grammatically correct, but I just personally hate the expression.

I hope this wasn't too harsh. Keep writing.