Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24983266-20140525190232/@comment-24918243-20140530204500

Grammar issues apart, the story could use some work. I thought the characters were not convincing enough. This might be because, like others have said, you did not give us enough insight into their personalities.

Also, the two reasons why they killed her seem a bit far fetched. Like Syko said, the whole book thing kind of falls flat, unless these kids where on a steady diet of Ritalin or something. And then you say that everyone said she talked too much, but she was the one who talked the least.

I know you tried to explain that, but it was not convincing. I would find it a lot more believable if she was so exited to be friends with these kids who are probably from a real cool click that she turns into a chatterbox.

Last, but not least try to be shorter and more to the point. The longer a pasta is, the bigger chance you have of people not reading it.

That being said, it was still a good first effort.