Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26528249-20150714153935/@comment-26007602-20150717200059

Leaugeofdeeznuts wrote: Dude, it isnt done yet. I havent even worked on it much. Alod im going to include the pic eventually. It is going to be a longer story that starts getting more interactions later on, and ill be sure to split it into paragraphs. You wanted feedback. I gave you feedback. I could lie and tell you the story was perfect, but that wouldn't help you.

I'd seriously consider revising the first part of this story before you continue, because this doesn't work well as an introduction. I wouldn't disregard my advice because the story isn't complete yet, because there still isn't much plot here. You need to slow down and give meaning to these events and characters before diving into the conclusion.