Talk:Footfalls

Nice; you really take us places. There are a few spelling errors and an awkward description - "half of every fiber in your being", specifically. You might choose a simpler means of expressing that, rather than trying to mash two turns of phrase together - but the slow pace accomplishes much in a few paragraphs and ends rather satisfyingly. I know it's pure preference, but I would suggest throwing in an extra degree of audience-manipulation by hitting all five senses. You lean very heavily on sight (or lack thereof) and touch here, with a bit of auditory fright. What does it smell like down there? Does fear really produce a sour taste? Javer80 (talk) 02:12, August 29, 2012 (UTC)