Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29331451-20160728051849/@comment-24101790-20160728053827

I'm sorry, but it's fairly obvious English is not your first language. There are a LOT of wording errors here: "He would sneak out at night into your home, then quietly put you out of the house, with a rope tie you up. You can even hear his wooden leg on the grass Dou! Dou! Rattling sound.", ""He will drag you all the way to the cemetery next to the wetland center, thinking about how you care.", "Friends chuckled, frighten them really easy.", "Alan and Derek, they look like great, keep the curly blond hair and a pointed chin face, with blue eyes, freckles and even positions are exactly the same, only Allen difference higher than his brother.", "Then roared, growled words I do not understand.", "I shook my head and looked at his watch, smiled and replied: "Who goes to bed before ten, tomorrow could be the first into the amusement park."", etc. There are at least a dozen other instances of wording that is non-sensical or in broken English. I would suggest looking for a site that accepts stories in your native language as there are numerous issues here.

Punctuation issues: ""They have been dying, you see, are Sarah tremble." Man pedicle scolded him, while Sarah arms.", ""You feel his breath, knowing he slowly looks at you,(.)" Peter jumped into a small circle around them in", ""Yes ah, just make sure you stop any climb a wall." Peter said." If your dialogue completes the sentence, it should end with a period. If it continues the sentence, the following word (unless a proper noun) should be capitalized and the sentence should not end in a period. Also mid-way through the story, you switch from quotations to using script format. "She said: It is true.", "He said: That is Quiche.", etc. You need to be uniform in your dialogue.

Capitalization: "no (No) respond.", " Perhaps Man (man) pedicle of bad, she probably was sitting on the bed, eating dessert.", ""He woke up!" A (a) girl shouted.", ""Mosey ......" They (they) quickly whispered.". Remember that only proper nouns and the start of sentences should be capitalized and sentences continuing from dialogue shouldn't.

Story issues: The story is all over the place. Unfortunately I'm unsure if it's your current level of English or if it's an issue with your story-telling, but I'm having a difficult time following the plot. Lines like this: ""He really is." She narrowed it to gray-blue eyes, a deep voice like a dry whisper.", "Masks make me harder to breathe, when my whole body was shaking, cold sweats when I stood in front of the owner took off the mask.", "He turned his pale face surface touch of strange smile. It was a strange and full of evil expression. "You say my name." He said again. Next, I saw Alan and Derek widened eyes, open mouth ready to yell when Peter pushed me pushed into the water. "Goodbye." That was the last word I heard", etc.

I'm sorry, but I think that this has a lot of issues and the fact is, it really doesn't seem like you have a strong enough grasp on the English language to properly tell this story. I would suggest looking for another wiki or literature site that accepts stories in your native language as there are far too many issues here to meet the bare minimum of our quality standards.