Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30320239-20161026081834/@comment-31532017-20161026102845

Okay, I'll be a little more specific of the grammatical/punctuation/format issues present in your story.

Grammatical Errors
(looks like they was packing up for a camping trip) >>> (looks like they were packing up for a camping trip) 1 person = is/was, more than 1 person = are/were

(but they keep running as fast as they can) >>> (but they kept running as fast as they can) Keep is present tense, it's best keep the whole story past tense since that's the tense you started out with.

(they see what looks like a deer bending down) >>> (they saw what looks like a deer bending down) Same issue with 2nd sentence I pointed out

(then quickly pan around again) >>> (then quickly panned around again) Same as 2nd and 3rd sentence

(i got home said hello and kissed his wife) >>> (I got home, greeted my wife and kissed her on the cheek) The issue with this sentence is the fact that's it's awkward (I'll get more onto that later) / i >>> I (i needs to be capitalized no matter what)

(the boys cover there ears and start running as fast as they can) >>> (the boys covered their ears and ran as they could) Same issue with 2nd, 3rd and 4th sentence and 5th since this sentence can be considered as awkward in a way

(Their = possessive / They = indicates something)

(i walked forward in the kitchen) >>> (I walked towards the kitchen)

There's a lot more errors in this category, but let's ignore that for now and look onto the next one.

Punctuation Errors
There's no full stops at all throughout you story at all except the beginning of the story. Keep only 2 sentences between 1 comma and end it will a full-stop. Other than, there's not much for me to say here.

(If you want, you can use ; in stories. But only use it twice per 500 words in a story.)

Format Errors
Where do I begin? Your pasta is literally a big wall of text. I suggest you break it into smaller pieces (paragraphs). The average line per paragraph is 4 - 5, but this depends on the writer's choice. Just don't make it unreadable.

(P.S: It's better to write stories in past tense, since they are a lot more easier to write than stories in present tense.)