Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-43909626-20190923085047/@comment-9041013-20190924103451

Ugh... I don't know how I feel about this.

At the first repeat, I figured out Louie is not exactly fine. What it was? didn't matter. Why? It doesn't go anywhere.

Okay, so she probably killed him in a fit of jealous rage, but then got him back as a zombie or something and now she sleeps with him every day... okay, so? I'm not particularly disgusted by this because there are zero details and because the whole story is predictable. Also, I don't really feel bad for Louie because he is a clearly one dimensional character with nothing I can relate to considering his tormentor is also basically a 2D fictional character that doesn't live a real life at all. She goes to work, does nothing at work, works seven days a week, wakes up, fucks her corpse husband, beats him up (for reasons unknown) and goes to bed... rinse and repeat.

Her fits of rage are just so unrealistic and beyond unprovoked. Does she believe he is a living being? that's not clarified. Nothing is clear about these two. Less is more, yes. Not enough, however, is not enough.

Give Louie a life beyond the sleep, beating, sex, repeat. Make him attempt to do all these things she asks of him to do and make it seem as if his failures stem from some emotional or real life physicial handicaps (not like he lost a leg, but for example, his wounds from her beatings making it hard to do anything physical) only to reveal at the very end that he's a corpse.

Or alternatively, have him turn on her, or almost turn on her in a classic zombie style "feed on brains" attack.