Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27012445-20150928041242/@comment-26007602-20150929210606

I usually hate second person stories, but this one was pretty well done. The visitor gives us just enough information while still being vague that it's definitely creepy. I didn't notice any grammatical errors and am pretty sure this story will be accepted in its current form.

The only thing that really bothers me is the beginning. "I'm watching you", is used quite a lot in creepypastas and it seems like there could be a more original way to start the story. I feel like since the quality of the story is a cut above most, it would do well to have a more original opening.

My only other comment would be this: the story seems to have an almost sexual tone to it. The way the narrator describes stalking and touching the reader, and eventually laying its eggs in them, seems to definitely have some sexual undertones there. You could definitely build off that if you wanted to expand the story farther.