Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37265073-20181022010923/@comment-37261931-20181022183553

Too short, littered with grammatical errors, and feels incomplete. To elaborate, when I say "Too short" I'm not saying you can't write a short story, there's plenty of great, memorable creepypastas that are short but they actually feel complete or leave it up to interpretation after enough information is given.

Here you basically implied (more like said) that there's going to be more to this story but to finish your first chapter in a very incomplete state that's lacking in description for us to vizualize the scene and immerse ourselves (which is a pivotal part of making horror scary) gives us this idea that since this is the quality of chapter 1, chapter 2 probably isn't going to be written any better.

You should've went more in depth with what happens after he's hidden in the King's bedroom. Do we hear anything? Can we SEE anything? Once again description is important in order for us to become immersed (honestly, I should take my own advice) and potentially scared. Now, not every horror story needs to be scary to be good, but once again immersion is key to become a part of your horrific little world, literally and figuratively, and feel what your characters feel.

You have an interesting perspective here, a guard, who I imagine guards the King? If not, please elaborate, but I imagine a guard could come across some pretty freaky stuff while doing their jobs, use that. I feel you should also should remove the beginning of the story or at least rephrase it to be more relevant since we get the idea that he's a guard later. By telling us evil was banished, you somewhat miss out on stuff you could write about later down the line so I recommend keeping this information in a note or something but not in the story until later where you can elaborate more on this since I imagine it will be more significant later.

Take your time when you write and be patient with your craft, maybe if for fun you were writing blindly or something it would be ok but at least try to tell a descriptive story when writing blindly, even if it's small. The way you tell the story just makes me think fantasy but not horror, or even dark fantasy. Improve your storytelling skills by maybe reading other dark fantasy stories or horror stories.