Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44887769-20200121123248/@comment-9041013-20200122123228

Fix the format, my eyes bled while trying to read this bold text thing.

Your paragraphs are like a bunch of walls of text. A subject per paragraph, please.

The story itself is kind of cute, I like the "classic" approach you took; there's monster, but only protag knows about it, with all the awful things explained to everyone else in the protags vicinity with actual possible unfortunate events. I also like how the monster thing isn't extremely ludicrous or a random serial killer with a bad back story. It's a frost demon! Not bad, not bad.

It's kind of childish though, "Polar is my name, and this is my winter wonderland!" is kind of too kiddy like for a sadistic being which gives vibes of genuine sadism as opposed to just abusing innocents for kicks. No sane human would find Polar's humor amusing in particular, someone might find a being chasing around a person for lols amusing. I think using "child like mannerisms and appearence" for spooks because "wow a child isn't meant to be this bad or scary" is kind of cheap. Polar being a furry wouldn't make Polar any less a terrible being than it is in its current form. You don't have to change Polar's antics, just remember this for future works.

Also, I like how Polar is persistent and not just a one and done run in with your protag because you had to have a conflict for your story.

This needs some work, but it's overall not too bad.