Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27132971-20181113165025/@comment-9041013-20181113200913

As much as I like Nazi human experiments going into sci fi, this one is well... not good one. I think that whenever you go out to say "This is what REALLY happened in the Concentration Camps" I think you should use the ACTUAL REAL stories survivors share. It's horrible and realistic. I've read an account of a man who described what the famine in a Polish Ghetto did to the populous. People were roaming the streets, walking around corpses not glancing down out of the fear that they might trip over these corpses, fall down and die because their bodies were too weak to get back up. Other stories tells us about how people were crammed into livestock trains in amounts that are not humanily safe and barely even possible, the accounts from the death camps all around the nazi controlled territories are bad enough.

If you want to go with nazi sci fi, sure, but don't go telling us "THAT IS THE REAL STORY", if you want the real story, look at Schindler's List. Where an actor in full character dress gave a holocaust survivor on set real flashbacks of Amon Goeth. Just give it off as a story that happened to the granddad and your lead found in a diary, or some Halloween party story he told your lead, or perhaps, a possible lie he told in his drunken state, something that does not scream "HEY THIS IS WHAT THE NAZIS REAAALLY DID"

Also, the plot is tropey and does not having that makes it stand out from all the other Russian Sleep Experiment'ish pastas or CoD Nazi Zombies plots. Give it some edge, something that hasn't been done before.

Also, if there were human experiments done on the Jews in this camp, there had to be a real life or perhaps a fictional nazi bigshot scientist. Where's that?

Also, read The Wave; this is ought to teach you how the majority of nazis were made from normative humans by targeting their normative neuro-social inner workings.

First however, you've to fix the wall of text, break this into paragraphs. On top of that fix the flow of the story, Grandad is telling the story and suddenly he's off to bed... What? Work on your grammar and tenses. Also the punctuation, but that's kind of obvious I assume, once you are forced to break this into paragraphs. Also make sure to give the story a proper structure. You can use Grammarly, ProWritingAid and other sites of similar nature to get over the more technical issues of the story.