Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24101790-20160705183801/@comment-28420405-20160705201952

Hello! What a pleasure to read some of your work on the workshop!

Firstly, let me just say, I will never have a migraine and not be just a little paranoid ever again ;)

Secondly, I did not notice any real spelling or grammar issues. I did notice one spot where it was a bit redundant: "He didn’t even get a chance to scream before I broke through the resistance and assumed control. I stood up and tested out my motor functions. I was in complete control." -- It just seems like you could change the word "control" at least once in this passage, particularly since you use the word a lot throughout the rest of the story. This one spot was the place where it felt a bit repetitive, in my opinion.

Thirdly, I am very torn on the last sentence of this story. It just doesn't "feel" like something the protag would say when I look at the rest of the narrative. I can see why this would be difficult to tie up neatly, but something about "Take me death" rubs me the wrong way.

Lastly, I just want to say that this is very well done. I very much enjoyed reading this. I can appreciate all the work you put into it. The concept was excellent. You really explore the idea of multiple universes without being too technical and disconnecting from the reader. I also appreciate how you tie that phenomena in with dreams. You don't need a dream-eating demon or the like to may dreams scary. This was a really subtly scary story, and I enjoyed it very much.

Keep up the excellent work. It was a pleasure to read your writing, and thank you for all your hard work here on the wiki!