Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26998470-20150919022357/@comment-25980905-20150919025910

Well well well, what have we got here? A poem, or a story? Maybe we'll find out in this very review? Let's begin shall we?

Overview:

This review, like your story, will be short. Therefore I'm not going to divide this into three parts like I usually do, but rather, put everything under this one closing section. Now onto the actual review:

At first, I thought I was reading a poem. Then I became unsure. I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be a short story, but it does look and feel a lot like a poem. That is pretty much my one criticism, the fact that I have no idea what it is.

You've used the literary device of repetition effectively and in a creative manner, which was very pleasing to both the eye and the flow of the story.

I didn't notice a spelling mistake, nor a grammatical error. This is rare in these types or stories and it pleased me immensely.

Viewing the story as a whole, it is that 'bad things happened but it was a dream, oh but wait the thing that happened at the start of the dream is now happening in real life' clichè that I have seen done in a number of stories. However, the way you have presented it is different. It's a refreshing spin on an old twist and I was not disappointed.

Your story could have been written in those last few lines of every verse, however, it is not. It could have been incredibly short, but it is not. I believe that was done for a reason and thus I will voice my interpretation of that reasoning now.

Essentially, your story is about someone waking up only to find that whatever happened in their dream and inevitably lead them to their grim fate in purgatory is now happening in their waking world. The way you presented this, sentence fragments at a time is creative in the sense that it feels as though the readers themselves are only just crawling out of consciousness. The way the story progresses, snippets at a time is as though you are slowly waking up and only just clutching onto a dream you are already quickly forgetting. The ending sentence also gives it that concrete finally that I was hoping for, letting the reader know that it is over: they are finally awake. The story is clever in the way that it keeps the reader on the edge of their seat, waiting for the rest of the sentence. I personally enjoyed this story immensely and was delighted by each and every increase to the sentences you were conveying. Each sentence had a different meaning and, depending on how the reader views the story, that meaning can become incredibly strong.

Overall, I adore stories written cryptically like this. There are always so many different ways of approaching the story and so many different ways of seeing it. Your story has a nice flow, like a waking dream, and it is immediately evident that a lot of thought went into this. As you stated in the post before the story, I also believe that this style hasn't been done yet (and I know because I've read just about every text, type and style of Creepypasta there is on every Creepypasta site there is).

I hope this review has helped in some way and I look forward to reading your finished product on the Wiki and/or your reply to this review.