Talk:Double Mirrors/@comment-5733573-20180511184737

This was really unsatisfying to me. There really wasn't any suspense because the narrator gives away the ending at the very start. This wouldn't have been such a big deal if the story itself were more eventful and original. I wish you could have found a more creative way to convey the information at the end of the story instead of spelling it all out for us. Sprinkling it throughout the diary entries would have heightened the mystery and suspense.

From a word choice perspective, the narrator doesn't talk like someone whose sister has "recently" gone missing. There is no sense of urgency whatsoever, and he just seems resigned to her being gone. One of two things needs to change: either more time needs to have passed, or the tone needs to be more panicked.

Finally, there are some grammatical and sentence structure issues in here. It may be that they're a stylistic choice, given that this is supposed to be a 15 year-old's diary, but I found them to be disruptive to the flow of the story.

Don't get me wrong: this is a cool idea. With some more polish and development, it could be a very chilling and fun story.