Talk:Absolute Hell/@comment-25941663-20170402170224

This was an amazing read. Very impressive.

The descriptive work in here was very vivid and chilling and the imagery you created was even creepier. Especially the fat man at the base of the tree. A lot of things work in this, but I want to focus on the parts that didn't so that you may improve.

What I didn't like that much are the parts in the world of the living. While everything in hell was great, the parts with the burglar weren't (if you exclude the scene with the bullet entering the skull). I am not a huge fan of the whole "I tried hard enough in death and regained life" thing, and in here it was worse considering how great the section in hell was. The whole premise lacked punch. In one hand you have branches piercing humans for eternity and in the other you have a fight with a burglar. The first far outweighs the latter, and the contrast didn't do this justice.

The living sections, in short, felt a bit redundant. They pale in comparison to the rest of the story, so they need to be as simple as possible (so that the focus falls solely on the hell parts). I think it would have been much better if instead of the burglar thing you had something like this:

An old man is in his dying bed. Then he loses consciousness (maybe he falls asleep or slips in and out of death between last breaths). He then goes into this hellish place. Finally, he regains consciousness and is left waiting for his death and the hell beyond. You can add in friends/family if you want to have some emotional impact, but it's not necessary.

The above works great, since you have a man ready to die get a taste of what his eternal afterlife will be like. That, as a thought, is devastating. The last moments of your life spent knowing you are going to hell.

All in all, a great read, but it could have been better. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff.