Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26100502-20150711175311/@comment-26007602-20150712224104

Alright, so you need to separate this into paragraphs, as this current wall of text is a pain to read through. Additionally, this story lacks any creepy factor. Whether true or not, nothing in this story is particularly interesting to read through, nor does it make for a scary read. You just describe a bunch of things you did while playing a video game (and since I haven't played this game, I have no idea what you're talking about, nor do you attempt to explain any of it. You act like I should know these characters and missions, but I haven't played the game and readers who haven't played will be thoroughly lost). This is why so many video game stories are blacklisted, as nothing interesting or original happens in them. You basically just wrote a story about a glitch; that's just not scary. I don't know if the story can be saved because I don't think the concept alone holds up. There needs to be more here, but I think you'd need to do a lot of work to make this acceptable for the site.