Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24181913-20150211004011/@comment-25148755-20150213035337

Agree this escalates too quickly. The writing from the man's perspective is super choppy and there's really no build up. You could definitely make something out of this but I think it would be better as a slow burn; make the reader wonder if maybe the guy's wife might actually be an alien.

The police report at the end is tacky, and cliched, and unnecessary and, frankly, takes away from the rest of the story. For one it doesn't make any sense; no official log will have the bit about the donuts in it. For another it basically bashes the reader over the head saying "DID YOU GET IT? NO?  THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED!" We got it. We know he murdered his wife and children, both born and unborn. It's honestly more disturbing if you just leave it kind of vague rather than coming out and saying it so blatantly.

As to why it got deleted? My guess is quality standards. Between the cliches and plot points I already discussed there are enough minor errors for the mods to have taken issue.

I'd be interested to read it again once you've reworked it. Hope this helps!