Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26011836-20161210184326/@comment-4849011-20161211003552

First, here are some minor corrections. Also, when it comes to the flashback sections, you should probably start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes. There's not a lot to say about the content because I've given my thoughts for previous drafts, though I do like how the whole thing turned out overall. Do have one question- was the guy who asked about joining the circus a visitor at the "hospital" who was unaware of what was going on?
 * "I hope so, sweetie. Otherwise, I don't know what else to do." said her father as he gently clenched her hand.- "I hope so, sweetie. Otherwise, I don't know what else to do," said her father as he gently clenched her hand.
 * The door led to a room with dark blue walls where the paint had seemed to have been chipped away in certain spots.- The door led to a room with dark blue walls where the paint seemed to have been chipped away in certain spots.
 * "Listen, lady!" the man screeched, "I've searched all over this god damn state and none of these 'medical professionals' want to help my daughter!"- "Listen, lady!" the man screeched. "I've searched all over this god damn state and none of these 'medical professionals' want to help my daughter!"
 * A deep whirring sound quicky increased in pitch and volume until sparks could be seen flying all over the place.- A deep whirring sound quickly increased in pitch and volume until sparks could be seen flying all over the place.
 * The blonde woman screamed at the top her lungs and tried to pry the heavy door open.- The blonde woman screamed at the top of her lungs and tried to pry the heavy door open.
 * Her vision became blurrier and she found it extremely hard to breath.- Her vision became blurrier and she found it extremely hard to breathe.
 * Just then, she heard her father scream, "Stand back, ladies!" as he thrusted a fire extinguisher towards the window, completely shattering the glass.- Just then, she heard her father scream, "Stand back, ladies!" as he thrust a fire extinguisher towards the window, completely shattering the glass.
 * "Hey buddy. Want to come join the circus with me? We'd make a great team." He whispered as he gently rubbed my stomach.- "Hey, buddy. Want to come join the circus with me? We'd make a great team." He whispered as he gently rubbed my stomach.
 * When I looked into the mirror, my heart had instantly sunk and it seemed as though time had stopped.- When I looked into the mirror, my heart instantly sank and it seemed as though time had stopped.