Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475800-20160607015942/@comment-27838637-20160608160805

I'm sorry that you have not yet received any feedback on your poem. Luckily I am here to adress that for you!

There is really nothing I can say though. This is a really well crafted poem! The flow is excellent, and the rhyming pattern just seems really natural, which ensures that the poem is read easily.

I'm just going to point out very few things that I belive could be improved on. However these are just trivial and it's really fine tuned. I had to force myself to look for errors.

There’s nothing more incredible,

there’s nothing more absurd.

Then listening to the people

who claim to know God’s word.

I would make this one sentence, just so it flows a little better. Enjambent is used multiple times in the poem, I belive it should be used between line two and three also.



 But do we really know 

what happens after death?

When your body shrivels up

and just your soul is left.

Here I belive a semi-colon would be more be more fitting at the end of line 2, and instead place the question mark at the end of line 4. Again, that is just for flow.



Can you feel them watching

with their all seeing eyes?

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;line-height:22px;"><span style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(213,212,212);font-size:13px;line-height:21px;">This part just seems to increase the flow by a syllable and seems a little forced and out-of-place.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;line-height:22px;">

<p style="font-weight:normal;">Now that we got those things out of the way, I have to be the bearer of bad news. Whilst this is definitely a well written story - I am not sure if it qualifies as a Creepypasta. It seems to be more of a social-commentary or a thought-provoking piece than a horror story.

<p style="font-weight:normal;">In conclusion; this is a wonderful poem with little to no errors. But in my opinon I don't think it qualifies as 'creepy'. You might want to ask an admins opinion on that though, just to clarify!

<p style="font-weight:normal;">A_O.