Talk:Clara/@comment-5733573-20180513172429/@comment-33937557-20180514234247

Read before and after edit. Have to say, the reactions and paragraphs are much nicer. Like stated earlier, the death of the parents previously was sort of abrupt, but adding that extra bit in helped to stretch it out. Important details like to stretch out the way cats do.

One major thing I notice might need editing, though: could you change "drifted into death"? "Unconsciousness" might work better, or another similar word.