Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20150301060107/@comment-28266772-20160919155655

Still, I knew my fate. Still, I [repetition] watched as the door opened once more and the picker's eyes met with mine, [spacing – also not sure the comma helps the flow] instantly. Still, [repetition again] I watched as its hand reached out to me, ripping me away from the others.

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"A beer! Don't bring me no pansy ass caprisun," The [should that be a capital?] other replied, stoically.

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So I couldn’t resist taking a look at your story since you’re a rollbacker and I haven’t read any of your work. I enjoyed this. It’s novel enough to be fun, but short enough to not overstay the gimmick. It’s foreboding and oppressive when it wants to be near the start, but quickly becomes funny with relatively little effort near the end. I don’t know if this would count as a trollpasta or not but it’s still fun and creepy either way and without being over-the-top and tacky like most trollpastas. I think it’s got more than enough redeeming qualities so I hope you submit it, and I hope it gets accepted.