Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26286557-20160427094802/@comment-25569708-20160430010147

The rewrite is better, you added some good stuff in there, but there are still a few problems that I found, use Ctrl + F to find these phrases I'm talking about:

"I felt honoured whenever my fans sends me their food to review" should be: "I felt honoured whenever my fans sent me their food to review"

"It was near where I live" should be: "It was near where I lived"

"I asked my friend Seth to accompany me, while I open the box" should be: "I asked my friend Seth to accompany me, while I opened the box"

"This was just in case anything happens" should be: "This was just in case anything happened"

"...there was another part of me who's telling me not to worry, saying that it's probably just fan mail,and the post office might have given him or her my address" should be: "...there was another part of me that told me not to worry, saying that it was probably just fan mail, and that the post office might have given him or her my address"

"it still didn't expect it to be that fresh" should be: "I still didn't expect it to be that fresh"

"my lungs felt like they were crushed by gigantic pile of bricks" should be: "my lungs felt like they were crushed by a gigantic pile of bricks"

"I was expecting to find this place in half an hours time" should be: "I was expecting to find this place in a half hour's time"

"I feared that he or her was still watching me" should be: "I feared that he or she was still watching me"

"I was hoping that nothing jumps out from behind." should be: "I was hoping that nothing jumped out from behind a tree."

"They all have traces of blood and small fragments of flesh glued onto them" should be: "They all had traces of blood and small fragments of flesh glued onto them"

"which was followed by the sounds of gurgling" should be: "which were followed by the sounds of gurgling"

"The police department later recovered the area" should be: "The police department later discovered the area"

"the fingerprints on the tools only traced back to people, who were already dead years ago" should be: "the fingerprints on the tools only traced back to people who were already dead years ago"

Good job on the story and good luck fixing these issues!