Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24821182-20141102164221/@comment-5632489-20141102214052

First of all I will start with the title of Victor's book. Everything after the colon should probably be capitalized, for example; "A Guide to Self Fulfillment..." and so on and so forth.

The info dump introduction to the work was very well done and I enjoyed it. While some of it may seem Purple prose, it does a good job encompassing the overall ideas of Victor's book. Some if it I don't think you would see in a self-help philosophical book (like the use of the word "freaking" or Victor referring to himself in first-person), but those are just a few bumps in the road.

Unfortunately the story goes downhill thereafter. Immediately after that monologue you introduce Victor himself as a selfish, materialistic douchebag who laughs all the way to the bank. All fine and good, right? The problem is that the reader can feel absolutely nothing for this man. He has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. If he was a villain this would be better, but Victor is our *cough* protagonist. You need to feel some degree of sympathy for someone if they are the focus of the story.

Another thing that got to me was the fact that it is never explained what caused this man to become this way. He's just introduced and wham, he's a jaggoff. Maybe a flashback showing him building up to his ways would be nice? But we got none.

The final thing that bothered me was his deranged fans. Nobody goes THAT berserk over an author; authors are pretty much semi-celebrities. Even Stephen King wouldn't be swarmed and drooled on if he walked into a mall, I don't think. It doesn't help that Victor's books are basically all self-help. And like Levi Salvos said, the idea of his fans turning on him with no buildup whatsoever was...ridiculous, for lack of a better term. If someone pisses you off, you don't beat them to death.

It's an interesting idea, but it needs quite a bit of work. Work on Victor's characterization a bit. Make the story a little longer so we can be given more time to identify with his character and build up his fans' anger - length usually isn't the end all of pastas, but it is in a character study like this one. The story itself doesn't seem "creepy", either. And finally, less swearing, please! I guess it would be acceptable in mobster crime dramas, but even horror movies don't have that much cursing.