Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20181019010044/@comment-9041013-20181019113519

Well, it starts off nice, until you shift perspective from a first person perspective to an all knowing perspective somewhere in the middle... you've gotten S L O P P Y, Banned. Pay attention!

Anyways, it starts definitely nice however, some minor issues, if this is set in the early 2000s to early 2010s. They'd figure out she has no Schizophrenia. Because the most prevelant sign of Schizophrenia is distorsion of speech. Like, if you look at a Charles Manson interview, he spits random things even in the middle of his "crazed" cultist speeches. I suggest switching to the mental side affects of head trauma (We have the Chess Killer who got probably messed up enough to become a domination seeking mass murderer due to a swing hitting him in the head as a kid). It would work well if the Nameless being involved. On the subject of this thing, if you could just have her cuss something about him rather than calling him "The Nameless". Would deliver a better impact in my opinion, because he hurt her. Something like "That monsterous son of a bitch" or a reference to his shapeshifting.

Overall though, nice start to the new volume. That's how a story should grip the intended audience, with build and slow revalation.