Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9041013-20180503165213/@comment-9041013-20180503201959

Kolpik wrote: Um, you've called some of my plotlines weird. Well, I'm rubber and you're glue. Fwiiip! Of course, people soup is pretty freaky, and therefore fits the site well. I never feel like there are enough severed heads in my soup. I'm just waiting for that one bowl that's mostly severed heads. Oh, and instead of a fly in the soup you give us an eye? (hehe, and a guy) Yes, I'm done with the jokes. On with the show!

I do wish you had gotten to the point a little quicker. The confusion, and wtf atmosphere when he's blind starts to drag a little. Well, it did for me anyways. It did make me anxious if that's what you were going for. -- Where is this going?... Oh, wtf!... Uh, blind again, hmmm. How long is this go... Oh, fuck! --

Sensory deprivation is an effective scare tactic.

Some of your sentences need to be fixed a bit. Example: Luckily, my bathroom includes both the toilet seat and the showering booth. - He has a full bath! (assuming there's a sink in there too)

Maybe you could bring it back to the flu again at the end. I mean, if he really believes the flu he had was the catalyst for what he experienced then what measures does he take now to avoid getting sick again. That's all I can come up with, but feel free to ask me about any specific issues, and I'll try to address them. Its your fault for me writing this thing, following the read of your latest piece.

This sensory depriving, Leviathan monster hosting hell-dimension is something that I've had in my head for a couple of years but couldn't come up with a suitable background for the idea. Your psychological piece gave me the confidence to come up with something. dat ugly crap.

As for how does the narrator deal with his fear of the flu? he states to be germaphobic when it comes to the flu. It's more of a silly backstory to a personal fuck in this guy's personality. Did you notice how many various scientific thingies came into play in this piece? Absolute Zero is the temperature in which everything absolutely freezes.

It's actually recommended to take cold showers to get rid of fevers, you can have what is called fever delirium in the most "typical" high fever.

A bit of a knock on spiritualistic ideas that "emptiness" is a good idea, because sensory deprevation is so much fun. and, some psychology. I was going to mention Jung, but I chose against it because it wouldn't fit.

I guess I like it this way.

In terms of what I was going for, yeah, it was meant to drag and make you uneasy - FEEL HIS PAIN. only to drag you into a emotional moment of "Oh poor fellow". (there was an extra paragraph when I just wrote this, then I removed it and re-did the first couple of paragraphs)

I did fix some sentences and apparently what both you and I were describing is a 3/4 bath, a full one includes a tub as well as a cabin.