Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31111342-20170128030448/@comment-31111342-20170128043321

Fytoftora wrote:  well, i like it. it’s got lovecraft stamped all over it but that’s not a bad thing.



 if there is a problem, i think its with the first sentence. if you need to get one sentence right, its the first one and yours is a bit clunky. i think the word ‘new’ is probably redundant - a discovery is, by it’s nature, new. i would also drop the passive voice.



 maybe something like:



 “ Deep in the mountains of Colombia, shrouded by mist and surrounded by rainforest, researchers looking for new species of flora and fauna made a strange discovery ”



 would be more direct.



 also, don’t capitalise atheist.



 other than that, good work. your writing is tight and efficient and has a nice flow to it. Thanks for the advice. I see what you mean by the first sentence, in fact, I was wondering myself if "new discovery" was a bit redundant or not. And yeah, I'll fix the "Atheist" thing.