Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27838637-20160605121157/@comment-27012445-20160607020749

This was a cool little story. I really enjoy your writing style. You have a very clear voice. By that, I mean you can hear the voice of the character as you read it. It comes across very natural.

I do have to say that the weakest part of the story is the villain. Using the "dark shape at night in your room" kind of let me down. You built a wonderful and detailed setup with the apartment and lock and muddy trail...this definitely deserves more attention to the villain.

However, don't go overboard. The monster's description should about the same length as you used with the man in the raincoat. That works perfect for this type of story. I find that the key to a good monster is to be less descriptive, believe it or not. Barely focus on the physical appearance. Be more focused on behaviors—how it moves, holds its arms, how it holds its head, whats it's doing with its hands, etc. Let the reader's imagination do most of the work.

Other than that, there were some minor wording that was a little confusing- " In spun menacingly, with each careful and "precice" pull of the trigger." "However, yesterday I have woken up to an unnerving realization."

Still, a very good story I enjoyed. Well done! Good job!