Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34823985-20190131005118/@comment-35711173-20190131054951

Kolpik,

I like it!

Usually I comment on the English before the story but you have got genuinely creepy here. You work into it believably from the creepy kid and you make us see horrors without even showing them. So many stories are gore fests and that becomes a snore fest. Over all, this one rocks.

English:

You have several errors. I believe Salisbury should be capitalized in the following:

Over the next few days, all the boys and even a few girls in his class watched him eat a couple of juicy worms, a beetle, a slug, and even a salisbury steak patty that severely broke all the conventions of the "five-second rule".

(It happens to be one of my wife's favorite dishes.)

I don't think the comma is needed in the following:

Betty made a move to turn back to her son, but threw her arms up in defeat instead.