Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20160209052643/@comment-25980873-20160209223444

Well, first off, I have to say that this was very interesting: A fanatical Nazi continues his revenge on the United States by passing the baton to a younger charge. I love how you established the relationship between Fritz and Dalton. I've never read a story like this, I really enjoyed it. Sort of a "private" WWII. I love how it was revealed a US senator was actually a "Nazi." This was a good read. That being said, there were a few things I noticed that could be improved. You could better explain who Percy is and how he is familiar with Dalton. Prior history wasn't really established. "Abraham's" name isn't established prior to Dalton's attempt on his life, it could lead to some confusion as to whom "Abraham" is. I also noticed a few eroors in spelling and punctuation. They are as follows:

"Nice and clean. How did he die?" Pressed the man as he onserved the scene. The "P" in "Pressed" should be lower-case.

"Hold on a second. I think I can improve this." Fritz replied as he disappeared down the hall in search of something. A comma should follow "this".

You spelled Eimer as Einer- Einer claimed that he showed up to rob the house and the startled old man fell backward and died.

What an oversight on my part, was all he could think to himself as he was processed and awaited trial without possibilty of bail. "What an oversight on my part" should be italicized.

Percy Roberts voice overrode his- Percy Roberts' voice overrode his.

Apart from that, you have a solid story here and I look forward to its addition to the main site.