Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24918243-20140621064501/@comment-24821182-20140623101715

I still like the story, and my main problems are purely grammatical. There's a lot of incorrect punctuation, but in the following list I'll mainly post odd phrasing or malapropism (I recall commenting on some of these in the first version of the story, but I'll list them again):

"Dad’s office’s walls were..." (should be: "The walls of Dad's office were...")

"Those were the ones he kept well out of reach and that Kyra always wondered what was written in them."

"...he would dig from some other shelve hand to her." (*shelf and hand to her)

"At least not seem to till she went to bed."

"...more like a recipe book then a story book..." (*than)

"If you want to use your chemistry set go to it on the porch." (*do it)

"She told him how she thought how this little boy she saw in the park was cute, how another little boy was mean, and third one was goofy." (*a third one. Also reconsider "how she thought how" as it sounds odd)

"His face white as he had seen a ghost..." (*as if)

"Boxsonboolee also took care of the mean kind in the playground..." (*kid)

"...but he would not he would never hurt her."

"Weirder then her dad, even." (*than)

"“Boxsonboolee fixed him,” and he the bowed..." (*then)

"Since they were no longer he turned himself invisible to her..." (What were no longer what? Elaboration required.)

"...how sharp his teeth were and how cruelty his goat like eyes could hold."

"She could not; move, she could not scream." (*She could not move; she could not scream.)

"Boxsonboolee stood up slowly, clearly stunned but the rough treatment." (*by the rough treatment)

All of these are listed in the order they appear in the story.

If you fix these issues and do an additional proofreading, I'm fairly certain  I know it'll meet quality standards.