Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25458443-20141116115122/@comment-4519961-20141116175237

The narrative I will admit are sotra compelling, hearing the same "goodbye, ill be back" every few lines along with the character's narrative is interesting enough to make me want to find out just what is going on.

Now I do have a few issues. The first there are some gramatical errors and sloppy flow in sentences (Mainly ones like the sentence about the bombs not being close enough to kill the narrator) and the other being that the narrator claims that bodies are hitting the ceiling. How could he see them if he was in a room locked away from the outside world? Also the rat with two eyes seemed kinda off focus as if  it had no purpose to the story.

Also, after he drops his fruit and considers suicide. Was he draming of getting out of the room or was he actually out of the room? And where did he get the soup can lid? It would possibly help if you squeezed in subtle details about the room through out the narrative.

Also doesn't this story have a conclusion or go on? It seems like it just abtruptly ends which leaves so many unaswered questiosn that the narrative suddenly stops being interesitng.