Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27008899-20151110120932/@comment-26425680-20151112041856

I've got mixed feelings about this one. It forces the reader to accept that a supposedly loving husband would force his wife to go through an absolutely horrible experience, just so that he can surprise her afterwards. Not only that, but her entire family plays along as well. In the end, it just feels forced. I can tell that you knew your ending before you even began, and then you tried to wrap real life around it as you wrote. Not to say that working backwards from your ending is always a bad thing, but in this case I'm just not buying it. On the positive side, your technical skills are great. Your descriptions are effective, and you do a good job setting the tone and mood of the story. The only grammatical error I spotted was that "open" should be "opened" (third paragraph). Overall, I get the feeling that this could be one of those really devisive pastas, where some of the people totally love it, and the others can't help but feel a little let down by the ending. Parting thought; the title is a cute play on words, but it might give your ending away (again with the mixed feelings).