User blog:JadeSpeedster17/Thinking

Mostly on my story, I have the rough draft for it, I most post it up soon for feedback. It needs some work here and there, some character devoplpment, and more detail. But it is just a rough draft, give me a break. Most questions I want answered for it are:

Dose it seem original? Places I need to add more too? Anything that doesn't make sense? Any place that as too much detail? Dose it stay on topic good? Dose it make sense? do the pieces fit right and naturally? And most importantly, where dose my character lack in and need some attention to to make him seem natural and as real as he can get (to where he is not a Gary Sure/Mary Sue and seems to be as beliefs blue as a creepypasta can be XD)?

I first have to find out how to post store where *sweatdrip* I'm such a newbie lol.