Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25051266-20141106183512

For some reason I haven't got any feedback for my first post, so I've decided to post this again with more story than before. This is my first draft and would highly appreciate any criticism, thanks.

It was the break of dawn, right in the morning when the blinding sun shone through the red curtains with radiance. My father burst in my room tapping my shoulder gleefully like a child anticipating amazement, then I remembered what day it was. At last I had got my long-awaited exam results, and to my excitement I had received a wonderful grade above all others. All A's as I expected. My mother smiled with pride, showing her white sparkling teeth. I sat down on the plush, soft chair with the wind of solace whipping through my heart. Staring upwards at the frosted cake ceiling of many patterns reminded me who I was: Arthur Crawford, a member of one of the richest families in all the land, and now, the smartest thanks to me.

My father told me to get dressed, we were going to my cousin Marianne's wedding. I spent ages choosing what suit to wear from the vast ocean of clothes, all in a variety of different colours-some subdued and plain while others, bold and bright. I looked as handsome and immaculate as ever, my mother put her hands on my shoulders and stared at the son she had always dreamed of-me.

"Have fun, Arthur," She said. "Oh and be nice."

"Will do mother."

The car engine let out a mighty roar, and the beautiful gold accents gleamed like diamonds that glistened upon the fine man-made beast. I got settled on the clean, leather seats which felt warm from blistering heat. We drove passed the blooming green grass and captivating red roses, and celestial sky with not a cloud in sight. The massive metallic body provided a sense of security from the outside world, from the filthiest dirt to the darkest seed.

"We're here," my father said.

"And about time."

"This is your cousins wedding, so please-"

"-Be on your best behaviour, what do you take me for? I am your son after all."

My father ruffled my hair and told me to get settled in. I made my way into the expansive hall and a thick scent of lavender pervaded every bend and turn, almost to the point where it was too strong. I sat on one of the cushioned chairs laid out, and there I saw it with my own eyes. My gaze cast downward immediately, my heart thumped loudly against the flesh of my chest. Then a hand took hold of my shoulder, was it too late to turn back?

"Hey Arthur, you remember me don't you? Cousin Roger?"

"Why of course, how could I forget."

Good old cousin Roger, yes, how could I possibly forget my most annoying cousin, no, the most annoying person the world had ever seen. His circular spectacles engulfed the small, shrivelled eyes stuck to his face, and his chubby pink cheeks stuck out like a sore thumb. While my dad was mingling with the other adults partaking in adult-like activities I was stuck with Roger. What fun.

I spent a whole hour trailing behind him as he did the most random, illogical and just plain idiotic things known to man. Being the nice guy I was I thrusted my chin in to the air, gritted my teeth and reluctantly joined in. We explored the whole building like children wandering through gardens of bushes, then it was time! I was freed from the curse of being tied to his repulsive soul, and could catch my breath and relax.

"That was so much fun right," he blinked repeatedly, "we should do it again some other time."

"Why yes, so much fun indeed," I couldn't stand another minute of him and quickly left from his clutches.

We were outside surrounded in the seclude of a nice forest with birds singing their songs of serenity. I stood close to my father as we watched Marianne and her soon-to-be husband on top of the podium, speaking the usual rituals. Some shed tears and other faces were smeared with joy, then there was me staring bored into the pristine air. Everyone being consumed by the brilliant mood gave me a brief chance to slip away. I looked up at my father who had his sight fully fixated on the new couple, and within seconds I fled from his side.

Stumbling into the depths of dense trees made me rethink the decision I made. Perhaps I should've just turned back, after all I was the well-mannered and highly-esteemed Arthur Crawford, and running off from everyone was not only unmannerly, but unlike me. Maybe it was something else that drawn me ever-closer to this place. I crept passed fallen leaves and insects scurrying on the ground, and a bird which scuttered jauntily, but upon closer inspection the bird had injured its left leg. Not to soon later I left the periphery for which the sound of the wedding could be heard.

From cheers, to a whisper, to nothingness.

I kept trudging on, but the sounds of laughter were gone and I felt the desire to head back to my life of safety. I turned back and headed forward, but found that I lost myself within the confines of a maze of twisting, twirling branches extending their claws. I looked to the sky and its stony, grey complexion. The sun decided to retreat that afternoon, overcome by an army of clotted clouds clumped together. A chilling breeze rubbed aggressively against my skin, and all round me were dead plants.

I felt unsettled, hoping in my head that my father would appear or, dare I say it, Roger would come out acting like his imbecilic self. But no one came. The once rich air was reduced to thinness, and something cold pressed on my ear. A numbing pressure heaved on my lobe, and I tripped backwards hitting a sharp tree, taking heavy breaths of the dry, sickening air. The hairs on my skin stood upward, and a voice of calm horror unearthed itself.

"Hello there," an ominous voice called out next to me. "Are you Arthur?"

I spoke not a word, I didn't know what was going on and refused to mix myself with this 'thing'. I shut my eyes thinking that it was all some illusion or dream, and that everything would be fine. Again a coldness went over my body, this time so painful that I ushered a whimpering cry. 