Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37041992-20181004223948/@comment-35911608-20181007022645

This was ok. Definitely needs work though.

I was hoping for it to follow the angle of that gut dropping fear when you hear a sound in the dark - you know the one. And at first, I could feel it coming.

Jesse is an interesting concept. But I don't feel there's enough going on to really make me scared. The hospital jump wasn't great, mostly because of the lack of anything else before hand, and the narrator being skinned seems a bit unrealistic. Maybe just have that one piece of skin with the note taken off, or maybe one more and have Jesse comment something about the narrator being "delicious" and hoping to see them again soon. There's also various mechanical problems throughout, but those can always be cleaned up.

This does need work. But I really wanna see this one through. Keep at it :)