Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31532017-20170215123526/@comment-24101790-20170216031510

Here's a problem, if you have to explain those things to the audience who inferred something different, generally your story/descriptions need some retooling to get the audience on the right track and heading in the direction you want. If it's a liaison gone wrong, you do need to build it up more. What had him go upstairs in the first place, but retreat into the bathroom? Is he married, just out of a really bad relationship and fearful of intimacy, is he conflicted in some way about this, and why? Characterization can make these stories more involving. A strong character can help carry a story.

As for murky black eyes, it's a little better. The big issue is that when describing eyes, authors tend to go with red, black, or eyeless. If described correctly, it can work, but people do tend to make a little note of how often those colors turn up when describing eyes. Try to find some way to describe it that makes the concept seem new or different from the others.

The ending still does feel premature without really capping the story off in any way that would be an effective ending. It doesn't have to end on him being murdered, but he should give the audience a little more of an idea to his ultimate fate and the woman's intentions.