Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20150217025844/@comment-25148755-20150225003830

Quick review:

I haven't read any of your related stories Pratt, but unlike Whitix I didn't have any major issues understanding what was going on so take that for what it's worth. Overall the writing was quality and I thought the characterizations were pretty good...it definitely felt like it could fit right in with some other YA fantasy stuff I've read. I really have only two criticisms: the first is the transition from the flashback (where Rus is remembering the conversation with his parents) and the return to present day happens rather abruptly...it actually took me a couple lines to realize we were back in the present (I thought there was another kid sitting in their kitchen playing a game with them before I realized we'd shifted scenes). Also, I felt the ending just sort of came out of nowhere. The character of the lurker is a good one (and I agree with Dupin that he's not really a 'villian') but the whole thing just sort of struck me as finishing on an unresolved note. Not sure how that works in with whatever sequels you have planned but figured I'd let you know as a first time reader. Hope it helps!