Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25891880-20150429013838/@comment-25891880-20150429231350

SoPretentious wrote: Here's my two-cents:


 * 1) He (was) a little early to class
 * 2) oldest looking thing in (the) class to him. The term "in class" has an entirely different meaning.
 * 3) Jake and his new friends chose to (write) the answer
 * 4) She said that the only thing she ever made a noise of was with the coffee and nothing else Wording issues. Take out "of was" would be my suggestion.
 * 5) This is getting crazy, he thought. I would think about taking this sentence out or replacing it with something less direct.
 * 6) And so, the silence never, never, never returned to that old chalkboard ever again. This sentence is dry. It also repeats the last sentence of the previous sentence. I think it should be re-worded.

The story in general is a little dull up to the point of the bees showing up. While this part is exciting, I think the ensuing disaster could be described better. Decent twist, though. I would suggest adding something more exciting to the early part of the story, and taking out the sentences that aren't important to the storyline or adding suspense. Alright, time to edit thanks :)