Talk:Mr. White/@comment-6702838-20131219225709

Loved the ending! Great work. Nice details, good descriptions, somewhat creepy. The writing was decent, but some of the tenses were messed up. Those should be kept consistent. The part where he picked the apartment lock by jamming some paperclips into it was absolute crap. A few paperclips isn't gonna cut it. I'd suggest changing it to the plastic card method or figuring out a different way of getting him into the apartment. It just took me right out of the story because it was so unrealistic. Overall, good work. 7/10