Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24037587-20140908115601/@comment-24304936-20140908164245

Although you did flesh out the parts that I suggested, and it's definitely better than what it was, the ending still just kind of falls flat. Cherri turned into this monster, but had the foresight to write her sister a note? What caused the hideous transformation? There's obviously supernatural elements at play here, but you don't really delve into that at all. I think that would be what would make this story decent. If you explain or at least hint at her transformation to this red-haired, scythe-wielding, scarred being. The transformation feels rushed and sloppy as it is.

In short, it still doesn't feel complete to me.