Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27248889-20151122085931/@comment-27248889-20151123060848

Umbrello wrote: Well, first there are fomatting issues. After each piece of dialogue you need to make a new paragraph. The dashes should be colons as well. And sometimes you made a new line for dialogue when the same person is still speaking. Condense those.

Now, for the story. It's been done too many times before. Even the "TELL ME YOUR NAME!" part has been used before, word for word (I swear I've seen it in more than one movie). This would need to build up more and end on something more original to be worthwhile. You wouldn't have to completely rewrite it, but as it stands there is nothing unique to make the commonly used plot stand out.

One suggestion I have is to give a little background information on the interviews with the boy before this final interview. It would set up more suspense at the beginning. Thank you for the tips, good sir.

I did attempt to have the different paragraphs, but those got deleted by the moderators every single time so I assumed that this was a no-go.

I will probably not change the story and just leave it deleted as I don't want it to become a mess of a story that was written bit by bit, I usually mess those up rather severily.

I will, however, keep the advice in consideration for future stories.