Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26488452-20150612025810/@comment-26007602-20150612080519

There's nothing to give feedback on. The idea's solid; you shouldn't really ask others how to improve your story before you write the story. You don't want anyone else encroaching one your vision for the work.

That said (so prepare for some hypocrisy), I've written similar stories (hooray for shameless self promotion!) on subjects like these. That story deals with the narrator discovering a classmate is verbally and sexually abusing another classmate, and his inability to understand it. It's not quite the same as yours, but it's based on true events as well, so I get why you want to write about this (and it sounds like a shy thing to deal with; sorry you had to deal with that).

My only real advice would be to add outside events. Your idea seems nice for a story, but not really a creepypasta. On it's own, there just doesn't seem to be any horror attached to it. Yes, he may plot to kill said girl, but that sounds more emotional and linked to his damaged state than anything creepy. I'd try and add paranormal or psychological events to ease horror into the story.