Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28773564-20160620161141/@comment-24101790-20160620163214

The story was actually deleted after four minutes, would you mind telling me why you re-uploaded it with little to no changes after you got the message that it wasn't up to quality standards mainly due to wording, punctuation, run-on sentences, and story issues?

A lot of run-on/overly complex sentences here: "Someone had broken in as she was taking a half bath, she could still remember seeing a looming shadow towards the shower curtains of her bathroom and grabbing her by the throat, instinctively she outstretched her arm grabbing the first thing she could take hold of and slammed it to the shadow, the thing gave a painful shriek and she immediately dashed towards the door never looking back.", "She looked around her room trying to conceive a plan to escape, she saw the windows but as she unfurled the curtains it was dark; too dark, it was as if a invisible cloak had covered the entire building blocking any possible light from entering, she was alone in the darkness with a unknown being chasing her, stalking her ever so slowly.", " To her horror the assailant behind the doors managed to hole the door, it was certainly big enough to peep into, Khryselis Taylor Eastman screamed in terror as she saw two pairs of blood stained eyes with pale eyelids watching her; little did she notice that the invisible cloak surrounding the building was gone now and that the moon spread its light across her room, the tranquil light soon faded and now she was left alone in her spacious room covered in utter darkness again, hearing only her heavy sobbing.', etc.

Punctuation issues: "the thing gave a painful shriek and she immediately dashed towards the door never looking back.", "Until now the assailant had been peacefully watching her suffer(comma missing) but after it heard Khryselis' plea for help it got agitated and started crashing its fists on the door.", "She heard footsteps exiting the bathroom her instincts allowed her to sprint towards the direction of her bedroom but she grabbed first (awkward wording) a knife in her kitchen on the way", etc.

Wording issues: Awkward/incorrect wording. "she was alone in the darkness with a (an) unknown being chasing her", "Never has she felt true horror in all her life.", "when she got to her room she locked the doors however possible and blocked it with a steel chair.", etc. You also tend to swap tenses. As you're telling the story in past tense, your tenses needed to reflect this. "The door is almost destroyed", "the country she is currently living in emergency hotlines like 911 did not exist;", etc.

Story issues: "She motioned to exit her apartment only to see paper talismans and oozing black liquid barging the door, there was no leaving now." How exactly do paper talismans seal someone in, especially if they feel threatened by the presence in their home? There are a lot of things that need explanation here and the lack of description really doesn't help the story. ("Khryselis Taylor Eastman screamed in terror as she saw two pairs of blood stained eyes with pale eyelids watching her" feels like a pretty generic description. Also, I think you meant to use "bloodshot" as bloodstained eyes would mean that the intruder has blood on their eyes and likely isn't capable of seeing much.)

Story issues cont.: "she is currently living in emergency hotlines like 911 did not exist; it was a third world country as economists would say." You do realize that third world countries still have police forces and a majority do respond to emergency calls? If you're going to use that as an explanation, you need to go more in-depth to explain why she wouldn't call. Additionally, how is she unable to identify the person if it's in their apartment and the lights are on (it's never mentioned the power is out and since they're in the middle of a bath, it seems likely they'd have some means of seeing what they're doing.

I'm sorry, but after a few minutes of reading this, the issues are really evident. With the punctuation, wording, run-on/overly complex sentences, lack of detail, problematic story-telling, and general rushed nature of the story, you have quite a lot of work ahead of you if you wish to make a deletion appeal.