Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25619003-20160714173741/@comment-29015383-20160714194346

Oof, this really just feels like reading a shopping list. Due to the lack of detail it feels really generic as well. And what's the point of summoning that beast? It just runs around for five minutes, if you're lucky, and leaves a box that's a ticket to hell behind. One needs to have a rather solid reason to summon something from any layer of hell. See if you can't put the story in a narative and give it something unique. This would probably have to be something unique in the ritual itself as well as what the beast can do for you. If you appease it. Otherwise...well, it'd probably use you as a chew toy.

It's hard (for me) to really offer a lot more constructive critique on this due to its unfinished nature...