Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475800-20150720015632/@comment-25037895-20150720031518

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"My hopes sored" (soared)

"he started and thing (things) had gotten"

"the first time, possible (possibly) ever,"

"the last of the body part (parts) fell"

The head wouldn't bounce off sound, even falling from twenty feet. This could easily be taken out, without needing to change that paragraph very much.

"and the magician turn (turned) and"

"I fallowed (followed) him"

"Point-blank" is two words.

"There was once (one) section that was written in some other language, which would make since (sense)"

"I started to look for someone (who) would"

"fallowing (following) the instructions"

"Once it found it, it placed it where is should be with that same awful noise." Maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what is going on in this sentence. That paragraph seems a bit overtly intense.

"just so I could solidify reputation." Doing the trick again wouldn't change his reputation. Unless, maybe he is unveiling the trick on the second try? Still, the transition there is confusing.

"I played the flute said the words and"

The story comes off as a bit anticlimactic at the end. The idea of a curse that has to be transferred to someone else has been many times. This concept comes on rather suddenly at the end, and I'm also confused about why the crowd disappears. Wouldn't they stick around? I don't know why the man falls apart during the trick, and sees it all happen, and then he is intact later. The wording seems to project a certain overdrawn intensity. Sometimes, the best way to add suspense is to leave of some of the details, describe the less eventful segments with less sentences.