Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30861466-20170819213805

My first draft of my second pasta attempt, would like feedback if any imrpovements should be made within the story or if I should just drop it or completely change everything.

I bet you’ve all heard that phrase everybody has a dark side? Well some people have much darker sides than others, yes we can all be a bit sadistic or sociopathic now and again but with my sister Kimberly it was beyond anything like that.

She never really was the popular type, then again neither am I but being a rude and sarcastic bastard kind of helped me get through that, as for her though she was just too polite and awkward. Even when people did anger her, she just let it bottle up inside her. She never really had many friends, much like me but the ones she did have never stayed for long.

Everyone took advantage of Kimberly, the only one who didn’t was me. She’d always be at the short end of everyone’s jokes, she’d always get picked on and bullied since she was an easy target and never told on people. Even when I myself attempted to intervene it never stopped, this affected her visibly from the start and I could see the clear signs that even sweet, innocent little Kimberly was starting to change.

I could see that Kimberly was pretty much hiding from the rest of the world and the only time I’d see her fully was at school, she physically started to change as well with her skin becoming so pale that she constantly looked like she was about to faint and her eyes looking constantly puffy and bloodshot.

This made the bullying from her peers continue and I of course attempted to intervene but was ignored and stopped. I even told several teachers and classroom assistants about the constant abuse and torment she’s been facing but it still never ended.

I had enough of it and clearly so did she. She kicked one of the guys tormenting her directly in the balls and slammed his head off of the table before storming out of the school.

I went after her of course but couldn’t find a trace of her, I called her: no answer, I checked all over the house: Not a trace of her, I even searched throughout the entire township we lived in top to bottom but still nothing.

I of course called my parents to tell them what had happened and they left work early and we drove around all evening and night trying to find her, but again nothing.

The next morning we called the police who began questioning and interviewing everyone in our town about the disappearance of her and were searching for almost five days to find her.

They found her within that time of course and she was severely unstable and traumatised, she was placed in hospital for about a week and when she got out, she seemed better, happier and healthier although she would never bring up what happened during the days she was gone

She appeared more lively and despite still getting tormented, she seemed to not care and brushed it off as nothing. I was feeling proud of Kimberly and even felt optimistic that she would get better by the end of the year, hell she even started hanging out with my and my friends who stopped their part on the tormenting quite suddenly actually

I was glad with the new Kimberly who didn’t shut herself out and remain in isolation from the world, this Kimberly was in every way improved and I couldn’t be happier.

I could sometimes hear odd noises coming from her room whilst I was in bed however I always assumed it was just in my head and nothing more.

Her confident behaviour did sort of change a bit since she began to be more wrathful and would lash out at the slightest thing that bothered her, which did concern me but I hoped that it was only a passive phase or something.

After a few weeks I did notice a few new odd habits of her’s but I brushed if off as just her personality and her taste in entertainment, etc such as a book on her beside table titled.

'Infamous Demons: Volume One. '

<p align="left" style="margin-bottom:0cm;font-weight:normal;line-height:100%">However again I brushed it off that is until she told me a few days later that she didn’t want to tell the truth about what happened when she was missing since she was approached by some sort of spiritual, mist like being that manipulated her into becoming it’s host and that she bought her copy of the book because of that. I didn’t believe her much to her dismay although part of me believed that she could have been possibly telling the truth.

<p align="left" style="margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:100%">I could hear the odd noise coming from Kimberly’s room again although this time much clearer, it was a strange, soft spoken yet unnerving voice, similar to her own talking to her.

<p align="left" style="margin-bottom:0cm;line-height:100%">“Kimberly, you have done well, now I want you to fully allow me access to you entirely, that way you can be exactly the way you wish to be, you could easily get revenge on those people and you’d be stronger, faster and more powerful.” the voice said. =“ No, I want you gone! You’ve brought me nothing but trauma and fear, leave me alone, please!”  I heard her pleading to the voice. = “'' If you won’t let me IN. Then I’ll just have to force my way in.” '' the voice shrieked.

<p style="font-weight:normal">I then heard loud thumps and bangs coming from the room and I ran in only to find Kimberly, attacking herself. I was confused, bewildered and horrified before she turned to look at me and motioned her hand to the left, launching my across the hallway. At this point my parent’s where awoken as well  and they too rushed down the hallway.

<p style="font-weight:normal">“No don’t go in there!” I warned, although halfway through my warning they were whacked and launched by the broken off door to her bedroom only to be crushed by it, as well as their own wall that broke and fell directly on top of them. I looked on at what I could still see of my crushed parents, pinned under the door and wall, now dead.

I then looked on in horror as Kimberly levitated out of the room, her eyes now pitch black and her skin as white as chalk. She turned to me and spoke, although it wasn’t her voice, it was the other voice I heard in the room earlier.

“ Goodbye.”  the voice said in a calm yet eerie way before blasting me with some sort of ray sending me flying out of the house. My sister then left completely destroying the house on her way out.

I looked on as whatever had taken my sister floated it’s way towards the neighbouring houses. It was then I discovered  a book and when I looked at the title, the truth finally hit me properly.

Infamous Demons: Volume 1

I looked to where the bookmark was placed and opened to that page.

'Lord Felix's Frantalus: One of the most barbaric of the demons within these pages, Felix appears to the weak and vulnerable as a tulpa (solid/seemingly real and interactive hallucination). He convinces the host to let him take full control of their body by “filling out all of their desires”, with a price to pay. That price being a body, Felix lost his physical form during an unknown battle whilst serving under the rule of Satan, ever since then he used a spiritual form in order to carry out his deeds, hence why requires a body. Once in control of a host, it isn’t hard to imagine what the now omnipotent being will do.'

There was no mistake, this was what was inside my sister, and to think, I brushed this book off as nothing more than her curiosity or just for entertainment. How wrong I was.

Felix then proceeded to kill off pretty much my entire township, I could hear the screams and groans as I attempted to salvage my way through the wreckage that was now my house as fast as possible. As soon as I looked up, there was nothing to be seen, just burnt, dead trees and ruins of buildings. To this day I have no idea why I was left behind from his most recent killing spree but I’m presuming he assumed the blast and fall must have done that for him.

<p style="font-weight:normal">Well that was a big mistake on his part seeing as of right now, I’m doing intensive research in every area I can to ensure that I can extract him from her forever and make sure he does nothing more to any other being again, I shall update if I succeeded in my goals.

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<p align="left" style="margin-bottom:0cm;font-weight:normal;line-height:100%"> <ac_metadata title="Felix (Unreviewed)"> </ac_metadata>