Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31532017-20161130072138/@comment-25941663-20161210230658

"perpetual cycle of life and death; sure is hard to clean up nowadays" - The semicolon isn't need here. As the use of semicolon is a very tricky subject, I suggest you look it up online. A good video explaining its use is this.

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I think right now the story is pretty good. I'm afraid though that even if it is an interesting read, it isn't appropriate for the wiki as it isn't creepy. The concept you chose is turned into a creepy story only from exceptional writers. I know I cannot pull it off, and maybe just a couple people on the wiki can do so.

This reads smoothly though, so you are getting more and more comfortable writing stories. I suggest you move on from this idea into something more akin to a creepy pasta. Good luck, and have fun!