Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-11335105-20140515010838/@comment-24821182-20140515050017

There is some awkward phrasing you need to deal with: "...tonight on our date to Red Robins tonight."

Instead of giving the entries numbers, give them dates. It would help give us an understanding of how serious the relationship was if we knew how long it had lasted. Also, there is no need for Ashley to sign all of the entries, as it's her diary. Who else would write in it, exactly?

If you're going to have her drink blood, give an explanation for why she enjoys it. Is it the taste, what she associates with blood, or what? Since a diary is where you write your deepest feelings, it would make sense to have her rant for a while about the wonders of drinking blood.

The ending was just a giant cop out, putting the diary somewhere for people to find, and you even mention the Creepypasta site. If you spend any amount of time on the forums, you'll learn that people don't like it when creepypastas are mentioned in creepypastas. It ruins suspension of disbelief completely.