Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29791712-20151121024621/@comment-29791712-20151121205143

1nnocenteyes wrote: This story to me outlines why people should explain more things to little children, no matter how sad it is and make sure they understand as best they can.

The only line that stood out as not ideal to me was: "He never understands why grandma never lets the both of them in." I personally would remove the words "both of" but that is just my opinion. Oh and also, the jump between them being by the grave and being in the shop was a little disjointed for me too, but again, it is just my opinion.

I am no expert and cannot really comment on the grammar/punctuation because that is where I myself fluff up, but I liked this story. I could tell pretty much straight away that she was dead, but that didn't ruin it for me. The description of what happened inside the tomb was absolutely horrific, but I mean that in a good way. I mean, I don't know how long it takes a body to rot, but as there was something supernatural here going on anyway I don't suppose it matters.

So yes, I liked this Thank you for your comment. I took into consideration all that you suggested, and made some edits to the story. I'll post the new version either on this same page, or create another page on the Wrtier's Workshop.