Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20181119060745/@comment-28428152-20181119212022

Helel ben Shahaar wrote: 'Aight, time for the Second Massacre of Acre, but this time, by friendly fire.

I like it. It isn't too apart from the song, which is both good and bad, but the little backstory, and the fact that Evil Elrond is real, instead of just a figment of Boy's imagination, made it a whole lot better.

What I suggest you do, is change the dialogue in some places. It seems to be copied directly from the poem itself (yes, we do have it here muhahaha!) and that makes it seem like Günther and Hugo were flyting, which is kinda awkward. Yes, I did keep much of the original diaologue in there, with a few adjustments, though this was to both retain the air of the original, but also I also used it and the narration's rhyming as a way to make the scenes with the elf-king feel more surreal and otherworldly, while in contrast before they start their ride, I purposelly didn't use rhyming as a contrast, and likewise I momentarily broke that rhythm when he discovered the boy was dead in order to jolt the reader, like the father would have been, though quickly returning to it when he hears the elf king chuckling nearby, to sort of create an air of mysteriousness around the elf-king's presence