Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25204417-20141130075557/@comment-25428589-20141130165359

I quite like the basic premise of this - hide and seek, but being followed/watched by a mysterious figure. However, the whole story, especially the ending, feels quite rushed. I think that you could definitely have given a little more description of the figure, as you call it. I would encourage you to include a lot more character development of the narrator and his relatives, so that the reader feels an emotional connection to the author of the story & feels worried when he/she is in danger.

The ending line ("It's only been a couple of weeks. Remember?") seems unnecessary, and almost seems like you are frustrated with the reader. I might consider replacing this with you talking about your worry that the creature will return.

There are a couple of small inconsistencies in your tense (you change between was & is) and I can see at least three occasions where commas/full stops are missing, however these will probably be corrected by other editors quite quickly after you upload this, and would certainly not cause your story to be deleted.

Overall, this story has an interesting set up, but could do with being fleshed out with a bit more description & character development. 5/10