User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Mary's Story

Once again, I have another...let's call it treat from the Jeff the Killer Wiki (just typing that makes me die a little inside). This one is called "Mary's Story" and, like most everything else I've gotten from there, it's crap. So, without further ado, let's Riff this.

This is the story of Mary. “It’s a pretty boring story.” Liu had a wife and a child named Mary. Um, didn’t Liu die? Liu liked to tell stories about how he survived the attack of the woods family. ''Woods family? Slender Man has a family? Oh, Woods. This is why capitalization is important, people.'' One day Mary was in her room sleeping. “The chloroform worked amazingly.” Jeff the killer was at her window every night. ''So Jeff the Killer stalks his niece? That’s screwed up on levels I can’t begin to explain.'' One night she saw Jeff at her window and she screamed, a boy named Mike hear her from next door. He hear her because she scream loud. That is how she met Mike. “Mike died soon after.” Jeff the killer was gone and Mike calmed her down and let her stay his house for a while. Mike, keep your dick in your pants. His mother said yes she can stay but you have to go home at 3 o'clock. She said it without quotation marks, of course. While his mother was cooking meal, ''“Cooking meal”? This feels like “Half-Life: Full Life Consequences” all over again. I guess I should be on the lookout for zombie goasts.'' his sister Ann was shy behind the wall. So that’s what’s behind the wall! Mary say it is okay to come out. “It’s fine if you come out of the closet, we’ll accept you.” Ann came out screamed as she saw Jeff say Go to sleep. ''When the hell did Jeff get here? And why can’t he just go away?'' Mike and Mary turn around and screamed.They three ran to Ann's room. ''I feel like “They three” is grammatically incorrect, but also that it isn’t. Damn you, story, for making me confused about proper grammar. They played cards there until 3 o'clock.This was the time she put on her shoes and her coat and went home “where she was promptly stabbed by Jeff the Killer” Also, no one wondered why the kids were screaming, and the kids said nothing about Jeff, and Jeff didn’t kill them? Ugh.'' She back ito to her room and went to sleep. “She stayed asleep because it turned out she was dead.” Every day at her school she meets Mike at the playground and play with him. “Mike and Mary soon became lovers, until Mike’s drinking problem drove Mary away.” A friend of Mike's named Bod Does Bod have a hot bod? who was a kid also Good, or else this might have gotten into pedophile territory. played at the playground and at the same school as Mike and Mary.

10 years later..... they were 18. Hooray for linear time! This was the story of how Jeff the killer died. I immediately like this story much more. They all was it Mary's house when she saw Jeff. Ummm, what? She closed the curtains so she can't see him. ''“And so he can’t see her while she changes. Jeff had been doing that for a while, and it was weird and creepy.”'' She gave knifes to everybody.She went in her room found a box under the bed and a gun in it which she hides. ''Rather than hide it, she could just shoot Jeff. Fire can’t kill him, but I’m sure a direct lead injection in the brain might.'' She made traps. IT’S A TRAP! She locked doors, hammered windows. So was it hammer time? Then that night she made a tent, got a flashlight and turned off the lights. Or she could keep the lights on and not obstruct her visibility. She turn on the flashlight as everybody went the tent with their own pillow and blanket. “And none of them can sleep because of the bright light the flashlight created.” Jeff found a way in and dodge all the traps. I’m not sure whether to be impressed by Jeff or disappointed in Mary, so I’ll go with both. As soon as Ann and Bod were murdered by Jeff. ''Goodbye, Bod. May we some day find out if your name was actually a typo.'' Mike and Mary escaped him and went to a woman's house. Because strangers are good people to run to. The woman was named Sally.Sally ate ice cream. That’s useful, thanks, Sally. She was a skilled sword man and shouter. So she was very loud? She graded two swords and a gun. ''Wait, she grades guns? How does that work? “This Glock gets an A, but the AK-47 gets an F.”'' She said that her dad teach her how to use a sword and gun. He really didn’t want her dating. They three went on the street ''“and got ran over by an oncoming semi truck. The end!”'' .As Jeff ran towards them, Mike went behind him and stabs him, but it toke more than that to kill him. ''Yes, yes it does. Unfortunately. Also, toke. Please, writer, learn how to spell.'' He was shot by Mary and his head was choped off by Sally. ''So Jeff is dead? Finally. Though how does one chope off a head?''

I don't care that Jeff the Killer died in this story. It's still crap. It's boring, badly written, and doesn't understand how a story should be written. That's really all I can and will say about this piece of crap.

sET A PLACE FOR ME

Oh, be quiet, weird text. I'm in no mood for your foreshadowing.