Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24797096-20140424014754/@comment-24742884-20140424184057

in all honesty, you have a really great idea going on, but there are a few notes that i have taken, nothing that cant be changed. but in the first paragraph there was an over usage of the word normal, also normal and typical are of the same general meaning so it wouldnt be in the best interest to have them right next to eachother. as with paragraph three you have added a loose normal with " so after a normal mile of travel of travel". in paragragh 11 there was no transition going between when the main character was looking at the "map" to when he or she was staring at a pair of purple eyes, finally when you are discribing the map when it is blank "sickening,disturbing and intriguing" that phrase could be reworded to souund a bit better such as yet not limited to, "the map was so disturbing that it sickened me, yet it intrigued my puzzled mind".

i want to thank you for reading this i put my best thoughts that would help the idea of the pasta which has a great idea supporting it, i look forward to seeing more stories from you.

sincerly,

~LostSilver~