Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25217349-20140723205724/@comment-24957984-20140723213327

Well, this wasn't a bad read, but still, it has some problems.

First, next time, use Source Mode to avoid formatting errors. By the way it is, the text kinda hurts my eyes when I try to read it. If you don't know where is it, it's on the top right corner from the editor, next to Visual Mode.

Second, you must put more paragraphs. I saw many events that had potential for being paragraph, but for some reason, it was all mixed up with something else.

Third, there are some misspelled words on the text. A good proofreading and a spellchecker can fix the problem.

Fourth, even though the story isn't bad, it's cliché. It's not the first time I read a story about someone getting punished by someone who used to have a friendship.

Overall, I can see potential here. Maybe by adding some more original content and fixing all the issues I pointed here, maybe you can think about posting it as an article.