Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4509138-20171029125942/@comment-24101790-20171107021931

There are a lot of issues here. I'm sorry, but this needs a lot of proof-reading as there are dozens upon dozens of errors here.

Capitalization: You don't capitalize a lot of your sentences properly. " few. my favorite part was how realistic they could", "be. one day i decided to look into one of these tails i found in a deep part of the", "internet. like any sane and reasonable fan of horror i didn't think it could possibly be real, but i began to wonder how deep the rabbit whole would", "go. so with the story in my hand I booted up my Tor browser and began to dig through the dark web for similar tales.", etc.

Capitalization issues cont.: Additionally you forget to properly capitalize "I". "day i (I) decided to look into one of these tails i found in a deep part of the internet", "like any sane and reasonable fan of horror i (I) didn't think it could possibly be real", "but i (I) began to wonder how deep the rabbit whole would go.", etc. You also improperly capitalize dialogue tags. "“No please you have the wrong guy.” The (the) old man pleaded, as he struggled to get out of the ropes." I would suggest carefully proofreading your story as there are a lot of these issues.

Punctuation: You also have a tendency to misuse punctuation or forget to include it. "The truth behind some of these stories is to disturbing for human eye's (eyes)", " Beside him I could see two assault rifles rigged on some sort of mechanism point directly at the mans head.", "One of the rifles swiveled and fired barely missing the mans face.", etc.

Punctuation cont.: There are a number of times you also forget to use commas. "Let me stop here and warn everyone that decision to go even deeper was a stupid decision, under no(comma missing) and I mean no(comma missing) circumstances should you go to the deepest places of the dark web.", "No please(comma missing) you have the wrong guy.”, “Ok ok I'll talk.",  "No please(comma missing)  you have the wrong guy.(should be a comma)” The old man pleaded, as he struggled to get out of the ropes.", etc.

Wording: Homophone issues. "one day i decided to look into one of these tails (tales) i found in a deep part of the internet.", " i began to wonder how deep the rabbit whole (hole) would go", "The truth behind some of these stories is to (too) disturbing for human eye's", "don't dig to deep,", "i know to much.", "A few day later they found my friend dead, his lungs full of sand and his eyes and mouth sown (sewn) shut.", etc. Your=possession, you're=you are. "if your not you will be like me." There are other instances of awkward wording and typos here, but I think I'm going to move on to the plot issues.

Story issues: If you want this premise to work, a lot more time needs to be put into it. This line for example: "I created internet horror in real life. I am the man behind a large amount of internet stories you thought were only stories, I made them reality." feels really out of place in the story itself with no explanation. It feels like you have an idea of what story you're trying to tell here, but aren't doing a great job of conveying it to the audience.

Story issues end: There are other issues here, but I think I'm going to wrap it up a bit early as this is getting longer than the story itself by talking about the pacing. The story feels really rushed and it doesn't help the plot's effectiveness. I'm sorry but as it currently stands, this story does not meet our site's quality standards and needs quite a lot of heavy revision and proof-reading.