Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25458443-20171020114637/@comment-25458443-20171021153751

D951500 wrote:

The only thing that felt off whilst reading it was the way the second paragraph begins

I saw another ghost, who turned over to look at me, and he got scared and shot me, and then I (as a ghost) died upon the floor

It seems very jolting and dosen't flow that well. Hm. I gave it a second shot with some more backstory as well to help the pacing. What do you think?