Talk:Just a "Nightmare"/@comment-5946174-20131028150851

The glaring problem with your story is how it's written in second person, but you continually confuse the past tense with the pluperfect (or past perfect as it's called in English grammar), and the past tense with the present. One such example is the sentence "Nowadays, you didn’t have enough time to throw in a little something extra." The word "nowadays" is in the present tense, whereas the remainder of the sentence is written in past tense. This upsets the flow of the story, which is crucial for pastas written in the second person.

The story itself was monotonous, as was intended. I would applaud you for the shock ending, but the reptition of the first paragraph is a trend that is becoming increasingly common among creepypastas to the point where I burst out laughing at the unoriginality. In addition, I cannot help but notice your odd choice of words in sentences like "...  back when your loved one was still roaming the Earth ..." The word "roaming" here implies indifference towards you [the character], which, as far as I can tell, is not what you meant to communicate. If your goal was to express the importance of her, then you should have said "when your beloved still drew breath."

You are clearly a talented writer, but I have yet to see a story of yours deserving of anything greater than an eight. However, practice does make perfect, and I'm sure you'll be churning out excellently written tales in no time. 5/10