Talk:Clara/@comment-5733573-20180513172429/@comment-5733573-20180515035051

I like the edits. Things are getting scarier.

There are still some holes that need to be filled. The most glaring is the involvement of the police. Who called the police if it wasn't Zoe? Also, supposing the police did arrive before she woke up, they wouldn't just let her wake up naturally and wander in on a crime scene. Cops search the entire location when the find a crime scene. Zoe would have been awakened by a policeman bursting through her door. The same policeman would then have whisked her away without giving her a chance to see the bodies. That's just how its done, so if you're going with a different plan here, you need to account for everything, or your story just won't be believable.

Secondly, you need to explain more of the relationship between Zoe and Clara in this story. It can't wait for a prequel. We need context because, without it, we have no idea why Clara chose Zoe, or if there was even a choice involved at all, or what have you. Without context, it's just random, which isn't very engaging.

Finally, I wish the death scene where longer and more involved. I would like to see what happened to both parents. This is a great opportunity to give some insight into Clara's true character and nature (I suspect she may not actually be a little girl). Consider expanding this part of the story.

Keep developing this. It will get to where you want it to be. Additionally, make sure you read, read, read, and then read some more. Reading and rereading other creepypastas, especially the ones you like, will really help you see how ideas can be developed and built upon.