Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30692969-20170210184322/@comment-28428152-20170211003047

There's a bit of an issue with tense at the beginning, and yes, the whole "I watched" thing is a bit too repetitive. Maybe for the first one or two for dramatic purposes, but after that I think it should be dropped. And the last sentence, I think, should be dropped, because it made it sound like the imposter killed an additional person, and makes the reader have to go back and read the whole thing again, and it is a bit dry, and the over-repetitive nature of it loses tge readers attention. It's a good concept, and I think you could make this a really good pasta, but I think that you just need to smooth some things out and flesh it out just a little bit.