Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26005686-20150114084953/@comment-24686384-20150114101529

Not too bad..but it could do with some work,for example try starting your pasta with the events leading up to when she started having the nightmares & you might want to add to the events that took place between each nightmare f.e-'After the second nightmare,my head started to spin so i got up &...ect. Try to experiment with words until they fit & try not to repeat the same word too often, the word 'nightmare' is used 5 times throughout the text. Try replacing this word with some others, such as 'horrible dream' or 'hellish dimension'. Finally, It may help to connect the dreams in some way that the reader can clearly understand,but not so that they may predict the outcome. I see that you have tried connecting them but it is very vauge and not much to go on & maybe describing events better may also help you improve. Overall I think you have the potential to become a great writer, you have a good imagination & I wouldnt mind reading some of you more "improved" pastas. Recommendations to read: Skittles, Mail, carpool guy & Father.