Talk:Clown in the Woods/@comment-5733573-20180822174010

Third time reviewing, and I have to say this gets better and stronger with each edit. I'm very impressed by how far you've come just with this one story. This is, by far, it's best version yet.

There's a lot more showing here than there was previously, which is great. I hope, for your next story, that you'll continue to explore showing instead of telling. A key thing to remember is that all you have to do is present what can be experienced with any of the five senses. Do this and let the audience draw their own conclusions from there. For example, at the very end, simply telling us what the police found without explaining it would be much more chilling.

As a side note, this story would make a little more sense with itself if instead of "fox sightings," the concern was about a local child who had recently gone missing or something. Perhaps this combined with fox sightings could be a very nice red herring. Maybe the clown's red hair is even mistaken for a fox at first. Just a few thoughts.

There are still a few unnecessary details here that don't contribute to the story. For example, how important is it that Olivia likes these mermaid dolls? The reader doesn't really benefit from this information. Cousins playing together doesn't require an explanation, usually. Also, Ben's "random" screaming is honestly the least believable part of this story, so I strongly suggest doing away with that.

As I said, this is much stronger than before, and I am very excited to read your new piece. Keep reading, keep writing, keep experimenting. You've clearly got a lot of potential.