Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30861466-20180506205818/@comment-9041013-20180507000042

Loolveus wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: Well this is cute, it lacks in detail, its kind of obvious from the getgo that this will turn out to be a first person story where the pratagonist had messed something up. However, it doesnt translate to anything of note, especially in terms of horror.

So she's taking over people and making clones of herself... cool... Earth has endemic species which are far more terrifying, like a wasp whose larvae eat the inside of caterpillers without really killing them until they grow enough and eventually burst through said caterpiller. A zombie mushroom which actually forces ants into infavorable possitions where the fungus uses the body of the ant as an expention ground for birds to see, pray upon and polynate further. Also, the Angler fish, while being one ugly looking mother has a far scarier side to it's reproduction, the male attaches itself to the female and well atrophies until he is nothing but a semen sack.

So yeah, forced cloning isn't that scary... Well. If I were to add further elements to her experiments or added more disturbing ones or say if cloning process itself was expanded upon further would that improve the fear factor itself or would it break the pace of the story? It would definitely improve the pace of the story if you actually deal with fear causing stuff. Also, I hate when things that aren't meant to be human go full human, like this conspiracy theory that there are aliens called "The Babylonian Brotherhood", for fucks sake, how stupid do you have to be to say "well the name Babylon is obviously alien" when we have languages with similar wordings today, in Arabic ''Bab Allah" means the same thing is "Bab-Illu" in Akkadian did, "God's Gate". (The "Sar" part of "Sargon" in Sargon the Greats name actually means "Minister" or "Ruler' or "Head [of state]" in various semitic languages etc etc). So please consider making the conversations between humans and aliens somewhat less conviently in english, perhaps give the aliens a translating devise or you know, could use some sort of none vocal communication (telepathy or something, things like that).