Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24434606-20150514233534/@comment-26007602-20150515220135

Geshtro wrote: I understand where your coming from, I wrote this a long time ago, and as I'm reading through it again. Yes, I can see that this is not really good. But I tried to make a sort of different kind of story. I should have goen into more detail. Which I will do.

The thing with the broken head piece goign into her head to make fox ears is that that makes her the fox, she sticks the thing in her head to try and commit suicide, and it fails, and instead she gains an advantage. I'll change the story, to fix its huge amout of shitty wtriting, but I'm not going to get rid of that part.

So I thank you for explaining the problems, but if you would be so kind as to list all the problems in a simple list and send it to me, I'll take a look and have a better plot line in about a week maybe. Thank you.

I don't see any logical reason for her to commit suicide in such a manner. The fact that it somehow integrates perfectly into her head is still nonsensical. Making the angry ghost children shove the ears into her head makes more sense.

As for listing all the problems, I'm not going to go through the entire thing and write it out for you. I've already pointed out enough in my earlier post, and I believe you can pick out the rest, all it takes is a quick read-through.