Talk:Day of the Worm/@comment-26054278-20151027212637

I found this to be an amusing and interesting idea for a Creepypasta. Is this based on any previous stories or influences? It seems like it has taken creative inspiration from a lot of more medieval-style fantasy worlds, which is a good thing.

The plot follows the main character (whom we don't know too much about really) describing his dreams of an apparent foreign realm that is to be taken over by something particularly hideous and all-powerful. I'd be spoiling some of the finer details of the story by explaining too much more (later spoilers of details will be going on later in this review, even though this pasta doesn't really rely too heavily on not spoiling anything), so I'll simply delve into the critique.

This really kept me hooked. Besides from some breaks of immersion in terms of grammar (which I have since fixed), I was with this story all the way when the descriptions of this dream realm were being explained to the reader. It managed to express a lot of detail and, even if it was a little unnecessary and pretty much simple exposition (seems a little like the introduction to a fantasy epic really), I found it well-written enough to interest me.

The parts about the worm itself happened to be disturbing. Not really too creepy or scary, but some of the ideas thrown around are certainly rather grotesque. The way the worm would plan to take over and the use of the dead as inherent pawns is both clever and a shockingly disturbing environment, portrayed fascinatingly well by the author.

There are problems to iron out and work on, however. I think my biggest one is about the main character introducing this dream, and the fact that I don't really care about him. I'm invested in the world he describes around him, yes, but not really about the character himself. Therefore, when that final apparent twist comes along at the end, it isn't much of a twist. It doesn't really get the reader shocked or make him feel a sudden emotion because we weren't too invested in the character, and while we were indeed interested about the world created, we weren't necessarily attached to anyone or anything in it, so the thought that the world may completely fall doesn't have a big impact. That is why the large epics allow characters to be fleshed out and for us to get to know them before their doom is being plotted or their world is going to be destroyed.

Also, on a more minor note, a lengthier story or some form of expansion would have allowed more opportunities for creepier imagery to be instilled in the reader.

Of course, those are not large enough to ruin this story. It still introduces a surprisingly engaging world that I find is enjoyable to read about. It just needed a lot more impact towards the end and some even more extremely disturbing ideas to really round it out and make it a uniquely amazing experience. 7.5/10.