Talk:The Inkwell/@comment-25383866-20170108180008

Hey C, responding to your review request. Let's get started.

Firstly, I like the idea. Very relatable, the themes of writer's block and creative slump. I like the idea of a panacea that turns out to have a terrible price, like the Monkey's Paw. You really nailed the exaltation of finally finding the right words as well.

The writing. I like the introductory paragraph; it was highly polished and pulled me in. After that, though, the writing became very muddled. For one thing, the following paragraphs are just walls of text, and they can be very daunting and monotonous to have to read. So I'd find a way to break those up.

For another, you use ellipses (...) far too much. They destroy the pacing, and make the reader stumble every time you use them. There are ways to create dramatic tension without relying on the old "dot dot dot..."

It seems like you finished it, then worried it wasn't long enough, then tried to fill in the middle bits. A story should only be as long as it needs to be. The final paragraph is awesome, and I like that the story leads up to it as it's a solid payoff. I just think less time needed to be spent in the interim.

I think you should focus a lot more closely on the character in his final moments. The stuff about torture, gore, mutilation, is hackneyed and unnecessary and frankly quite boring. Your premise is strong enough without having to rely on "hyper-realistic blood began pouring down the screen" tropes. The fear comes from the lack of control Sam begins to experience leading up to his own unfortunate death, not from vague threats of terrible violence. That stuff is just eye-rolly.

I like the idea that he ends up writing deaths before they happen but I feel like it could have been handled with more finesse. I would say it's a great idea that needs to be pared down to its essential ingredients. Man wants to write. Man fails to write. Man finds magic inkwell that allows him to write. Inkwell destroys his life.

The problem is that I cared about Sam but I didn't care about any of the stuff happening in the news. I understand that it's his fault but it shouldn't be the focus of the story, the source of the fear.

In conclusion, your first and last paragraphs are fantastic. But I think you should spend some more time with this story and get back to me when/if you've edited it a bit more. Lose the ellipses!