User talk:Doom Vroom/Archive 6

Reply to "Mystery" message
Ok. I think that could work. Maybe Erika or Hunter or both of them could barge into the protagonist's room to see what happened. I'll have you and a few other people look at it when the chapter is finished. I'm worried that I will have to explain who the thrower is though since people might be like "Who threw dat rock man!? Was it Rockman? Or a rock who happened to be a man?"

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?  01:07, October 22, 2015 (UTC)

Request For Critique
I have just completed the latest chapter in The Last Day of October series. If you have time to review this story, I would very much like to hear some feedback from you. The Last Day of October--Short Hoggers

--Mmpratt99 deviantart (talk) 01:49, October 22, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Kirby" message
As the creator of the Twister game doing an M. Night Shamalayn impression: What a twist!

So, I should still keep the thrower a mystery then, right? Ok then!

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   05:01, October 22, 2015 (UTC)

Internet Troubles
So as of today, the modem at my dad's house has died. The only devices that have internet access are me and my dad's desktop computer. The wireless part of it doesn't work. I'm getting a new modem from my uncle tomorrow but that's only if he can find it.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   22:01, October 22, 2015 (UTC)

​

Reply to "Internet" message
Well as of today, my internet has been fixed. Turns out the router was complete crap. Then again, my dad had it since 2005 so that might explain why it crapped out all of a sudden.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?  19:53, October 23, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Burial Ceremony" message
Yeah we had a graceful ceremony for it... We threw it in the garbage can. The modem and router were crap so my uncle got the modem (exact same model and brand as our old one) and the cable company replaced the router, which has 8 or 12 channels on it.

I'm working on the outline for chapter 13. Should the samurai appear in the chapter since I have an idea of making the samurai even stronger as night gets closer.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   04:27, October 24, 2015 (UTC)

I did it!
I wrote a Trollpasta: http://trollpasta.wikia.com/wiki/Nixon.book

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   07:08, October 24, 2015 (UTC)

16-1-9-14
699903199044277770222666*633107777666*666*6604440777742555*555094448437770226630344433102555*5550446667337777033366677704488626644489990277733055566677770833366677704666*6663107777666*666*661102555*555066633309996668077774425550222666*6330944484406331086664338443377711093309444555*55507776668044466443555*5550266307299903336667770666887770443344466*66688777703*33*33*37777106299908443304466655599904666307777*7277733066688777077776668855577771

Re:
I already looked into the coding of it, it qualifies as either spam or roleplaying (I went with the shorter ban) due to the fact that they messaged it to five users in the span of twenty minutes for little to no reason. If left unchecked, it would likely have become a nuisance. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:45, October 25, 2015 (UTC)


 * Yeah, as soon as I saw the string of numbers, I figured they were using a code of sorts and looked into it (after warning them). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:52, October 25, 2015 (UTC)


 * Always interesting to pick out patterns, although it was fairly simple. It wasn't a nonary game like I was hoping. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:59, October 25, 2015 (UTC)


 * Yup, it's a puzzle game, but it has a pretty involving story that I played through during the Peace Corps (helped get me through training). Let me know how Fallout 4 is as I'll probably wait until it's in my price range to buy it. (i.e. being sold by a shady guy at a flea market who promises it's 'totally not cursed'.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:09, October 25, 2015 (UTC)


 * Nope, I'm pretty old school. I'll probably just bug you about it once the game drops later for your opinion. Semicolon closing parenthesis EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:18, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

RE:
I've seen and studied and written about (ans writing in) ciphers before—Caesar, Atbash, Voynich, Pigpen, you name it—but this one... it's something I've never seen before!

But I'm trying my best. Who knows?

 Ruckus Q uantum   06:12, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

Beginning of Chapter 13
Chapter 13

After that scene played out, I noticed that my room became dimmer. I turned around to see that the sun was starting to set as it turned my room orange. While this seemed beautiful to look at, it made my head throb and I quickly shut the blinds.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   14:33, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

Re:
I've just finished your latest story and I'm messaging you rather than leaving a comment because I didn't particularly like it. I'm not a fan of giving negative feedback unless something really stands out, but this story just didn't feel right for me. It was a bit hard to keep up with who was who and what was happening to each of them. The flow just wasn't there. I also felt like there were a lot of very unlikely things occurring, especially when they were exiting the cave (face-metal rolling past them that sounded like marbles/confusing a clawed tentacle with blood splatter/etc). The creature also came off as a bit cartoonish for my taste.

Now there were some good things though: I liked the setting and felt you did a good job of developing it. I had no trouble visualizing myself in a blizzard on the side of a mountain, but I'm not sure there was much more for my taste. Consider finding more innovative ways to identify the speaker rather than a direct identification after their line (some direct ID is ok, but too much ruins the flow/vibe). I think the biggest problem I have with the story is that it's way too short for what it is. This concept with this setting had a lot of potential, and I think it would have benefited from being two or three times its current length. Regardless of what I've said, thanks for contributing your time and work to the wiki. I hate giving this kind of response, but I also believe in complete honesty. Hope this helps you in the future.

Jay Ten (talk) 15:48, October 27, 2015 (UTC)


 * The characters needed to be more developed, so yes, interaction would help, but I'm not sure if that alone is the fix. At least one of the perspectives needs to be expanded to avoid the scattered feel (you can swap perspectives, but that requires further development for each). The whole thing just escalated too quickly.  I really needed more build up for this particular type of story.  I think you understand what I mean when I say I had zero connection with any character.  I understand the setting and events were more important to this story, which is fine, but I still need a minimum understanding of who the characters are. Keep in mind this is all just my opinion.


 * As for the Yeti, I realize you were going for something outlandish, but I couldn't get on board with it. The "black tentacle-like appendage with three sharp prongs" made me think more of an alien or something from Resident Evil.  I really like the fact it was wearing the bear skin: that showed intelligence as well as physical dominance which definitely adds to the horror.  If it was a completely original creature or a more generic one like an alien or a monster under the bed, then you could do whatever you want and it would be fine, but when it's something like a yeti that already conjures up a fairly familiar image, you have to be careful straying too far.  And just so you know, I by no means suffered while reading it - I simply felt there was plenty of room for improvement in what could potentially be a great story.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 21:30, October 27, 2015 (UTC)


 * Just for clarity, I'm not saying that stories shouldn't be that short, but rather that this particular story felt like it would've benefited from added length (I have a lot of stuff shorter than your story). As they say, a story needs to be as long as it needs to be.  A story should always be as short as it can be, but sometimes that means a page and other times it means a book.  Hope that makes sense.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 03:33, October 28, 2015 (UTC)

Hey!
How are ya? I'm bored and a bit lonely... :(

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   03:04, October 29, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "No way! Me too!" Message
I have two possible explanations as to why the protagonist is afraid of leaving the window open at night:

"That's not the only reason I closed the blinds and windows. You see, when I was about 9 or 10 years old, my mom would tell me to close my windows and blinds at night so that way, people would be less inclined to look into my window or break in or something like that. Ever since then, I have NEVER left my windows and blinds open at night. Even during sunset, I still closed them anyway."

"That's not the only reason why I closed the windows and blinds. When I was around 7 years old, I stayed up and watched horror movies with my brother. The movie we were watching was one of the Halloween movies. I was only a bit scared but my brother was the only person who kept me from out right panicking. However, there was one scene that I just couldn't handle. It was a scene where Micheal Myers was looking into a window of another character's house. Maybe it was because I was sitting next to a window that had the blinds open but all I remember after that was breathing rapidly and shaking. I also cried a bit as I hugged my brother."

If there's anything I should add or take away, let me know.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   00:26, October 30, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Odd Advice" message
I see. I kind of like the first one too but Radia said she liked the second one better since it ties in to the lost episode genre thing.

As for the advice, I didn't know what was a good age to tell a child that so I might change it from 9 or 10 to just "When I was a kid". I am still conflicted on which one to go with. Might ask a third person, play eenie meenie miney moe, or flip a coin.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   02:40, October 31, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Do What You Want" message
By the way, I'm working on a new Haunting Hour review. It's part 1 of the season 1 finale. I think it's one of the more popular episodes of the series. I have finished the introduction and summary part of the review.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   16:56, October 31, 2015 (UTC)

Got That New Review
When you get a chance to check it out, here it is: http://littleazusblog.blogspot.com/2015/11/every-haunting-hour-ever-21-scary-mary.html

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   06:12, November 2, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Scary Mary" message
OK! Will do. Also I finally got post an update on my pasta: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:TheAzumangaDaiohFan/I_Finished_Chapter_12_of_My_New_Pasta!_11/2/15

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   05:17, November 3, 2015 (UTC)

Behold! A New Haunting Hour Review!
http://littleazusblog.blogspot.com/2015/11/every-haunting-hour-ever-22-scary-mary.html

By the way, I got a case of writer's block. I don't know what should happen after the protagonist closes the blinds. I kind of want to have something fly through the window but I also kind of want to establish her room as a safe zone. Though the pole in her closet fell down so I don't know if that's some kind of danger.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   04:23, November 7, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Not Very Nesescary" message
I will say that while I did find the episode to be a bit pointless, I do think it had some good things to offer. Just like with the first episode of season 1, the first episode of season 2 will be a two parter. I'll have to watch it when I get a chance.

As for the pasta, maybe the DVD can be the reason why the protagonist's room is safe. When It's playing, the Samurai doesn't show up. When it isn't playing, that's when it appears. I don't know if it will work or not but it's a start. If I'm going to have the room be safe from the samurai, maybe I should scrap the brick being thrown through the protagonist's window or have it happen in another part of the house.

I think after the protagonist closes the blinds, she could go back to watching the episode or something.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   03:23, November 8, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Keep that Brick" message
So I got a bit further in chapter 13. This is what I wrote:

"As soon as the blinds and windows were shut, I went back to the daybed and grabbed the remote. Just as I was about to hit play, I heard a ear splitting crash come from the window near the bunk bed. I then saw a red, rectangular object flying towards me and I jumped off the daybed and onto the floor."

After this, the brick may land a couple of inches away from the daybed.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   14:56, November 9, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "DVD Reason" message
Should I put that explanation at the end of the story or would I have to rewrite an earlier part?

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   18:50, November 10, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Ending" message
Ok. Here's how one of the endings will go: When nighttime hits, the Samurai will be fully powered and instead of traveling on the walls, it can now freely travel where ever it wants. It uses this ability to chase after the protagonist. The samurai chases her outside, where she, thinking that shadows can't swim, jumps into the algae infested lake and swims as fast as she can to the other side. On the way there however, she passes out (presumably due to exhaustion) and ends up in the hospital. While in the hospital, Erika asks the protagonist what made her jump in the lake. The protagonist tells Erika that the samurai had chased her and that The Haunting Hour DVD had stopped playing, thus ended its protection against the Samurai entering her room. Erika tells her that she hasn't heard of that series, let alone own a DVD for it. The protagonist asks how Erika doesn't own it if she has seen it.

Ending 2: When the samurai is fully powered and forces entry into the protagonist plays the DVD from the beginning to get rid of or at least weaken the samurai. When that doesn't work anymore, the protagonist scrambles to find something that defeats or slows down the samurai. She eventually finds a music box/jewelry box hybrid that plays "It's a Small World" and runs back to her room. She cranks up the music box and at first, it seems to work. But when the music stops playing, the samurai crushes the music box. The protagonist starts to panics since she doesn't know too many weaknesses of a shadow. She then runs out of the house with the samurai in pursuit. She then tricks the samurai into going into the lake, where it disintegrates.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   17:36, November 11, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Endings" message
I'm glad to hear your feedback! I really want the story to pass spinoff appeal too and I'm willing to fix either ending if possible. If not, one or both will be scrapped.

As for the first ending, making it all in her head was my original intention and I think if I add a bit more explanation, it could work a bit better while keeping some ambiguity. I need to find a way to try and do that though.

For the second ending, I'm not too familiar with the weaknesses of shadows. Would fire be a good weakness or do you have something else in mind?

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   06:57, November 12, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Ending Take 2" message
So I fixed the first ending. I included more of an explaination of the protection and made it a bit more clear that it was all her imagination: "Alternate Ending 1: Towards the end of the episode, the protagonist starts to think about what has happened all day. When this happens, she catches onto a pattern. The samurai only seems to appear when the DVD isn't playing. However, when the DVD is playing, she is protected from the samurai within her room. The protagonist decides to test out the pattern by opening her door and pausing the DVD. She waits a few moments until the samurai appears across the hall.

She repeats the process except with the DVD playing and the samurai doesn't show up. She also concludes that, based on the brick incident, the closest the samurai can get to entering her room is by forcing objects through random entry points like a window when powerful enough. While the DVD is playing, she takes a moment to get a drink. However, the episode ends sooner than she expected as she sees the samurai running after her. She drops the drink and starts sprinting out the door. She heads towards the lake and swims as fast as she can until she passes out from exhaustion.

She later wakes up in the hospital where Erika asks her why she jumped in the lake. The protagonist tells her that the samurai started running after her and that thought that she could swim to the other side successfully seeing as how the distance didn't seem that far. The protagonist also tells Erika that the samurai from earlier was chasing her. Erika shows concern for her and tells the protagonist that she found a DVD from her collection in the protagonist's room while gathering some of her belongings. The protagonist immediately asks if its the DVD for The Haunting Hour. Erika gets a confused look on her face and loudly says "What?" and tells the protagonist that she hasn't heard of the show, let alone own a DVD for the series."

As for the second ending, I need to work on it but I need to know a possible weakness for the shadow.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   03:26, November 13, 2015 (UTC)

I got a bit farther in the pasta!
So when the brick lands in the protagonist's room, she goes to the window to find out who threw it. However, she doesn't see anyone outside. It may not seem like much but I'm happy I got something. Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   00:54, November 14, 2015 (UTC)

New Reviews are Up On My Blog!
http://littleazusblog.blogspot.com/2015/11/every-haunting-hour-ever-23-creature.html

http://littleazusblog.blogspot.com/2015/11/every-haunting-hour-ever-24-creature.html

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   23:43, November 14, 2015 (UTC)

Kill la Kill
Hey Vroom Vroom, do you watch Kill la Kill? Wondering if you had seen it. --Jojo risin&#39; (talk) 22:28, November 16, 2015 (UTC)

Update
Thank you for the compliments! I'm glad you like my style, and I appreciate your interest! As a matter of fact, I am currently working on some stories. I have a story called "Fu Manchu's Serum" which has a couple of the characters from The Houseguest series. It's ready to go; I just have to post it. I'm also working on a "Choose Your Own Adventure"-type addition to "The Melon Head Illustration" so readers can choose between the original ending or one of three alternate endings. It already had infinite possibilities, so now it will have infinite possibilities plus three possibilities! ;-) I'll probably post those in a week or two. I've partially written a pasta called "The Dead-Eyed Dog", and after that I have ideas for a couple more, including a new chapter in The Houseguest series.  I'm thinking of adding some more to "Kumiho" too.

As for "The Watch on the Arm", I can understand your criticisms. It was meant to be a variant on the theme of someone having a dream that forecast something that wound up happening, or that otherwise had an impact on someone's life. You know the kind. A woman dreams that her husband is dying. She finds him seemingly in good health, but hours or days later, he dies in real life exactly how he did in her nightmare. I suppose it is a leap to get so scared because of an eerie dream and a superstition, but keep in mind that George had been on a downward slide for a while. Jeff realized that George wasn't in good shape, and while George didn't like the direction his life was taking, he hadn't really acknowledged that he had a problem. The nightmare and superstition forced George to realize that the path he was on could lead to devastating consequences, and the comparison to a real-life event made Jeff alarmed because it brought to mind what alcohol abuse could lead to. They both had fears about George's health, and the nightmare brought them to the surface so they could start doing something about them. In any case, even though you didn't care for it, thanks for the feedback! I appreciate your courtesy, and I hope you felt for the characters even though you didn't think much of the story. Do you think it would help if I made it clearer that George was in bad shape (like depicting him getting seriously ill after the night of drinking, describing a change in his appearance, etc)? I'm glad that overall you like what you've read. Raidra (talk) 02:51, November 17, 2015 (UTC)
 * I just noticed you have the Special Containment Perfectionist badge. Congratulations! Raidra (talk) 02:55, November 17, 2015 (UTC)


 * That sounds like it'll be an interesting story. Hopefully it'll capture the flavor of a communal campfire story.  A couple of the alternate endings for "The Melon Head Illustration" will be similar, but hopefully people will enjoy all of them.  If they don't like all of them, well then, shoot, that's the purpose of "Choose Your Own Adventure", right?  In any case, your additional feedback does make sense.  I'll leave it as it is for now.  I thought late last night that at least you were commenting on things that actually did happen in the story.  I say that because one time someone criticized something that didn't happen in one of my stories. I had a story and at one point I described the murderess taking out a bouquet of flowers and smelling them.  Someone left a lengthy criticism which included a rebuke that to create a memorable killer I had to have something other than the gimmick of them leaving flowers at the crime scene.  However, this never happened.  Like I said, the killer merely sniffed a bouquet of flowers.  There was absolutely nothing in the story to give the slightest support to the notion that she had left the flowers anywhere.  The reader just jumped to a conclusion more than George and Jeff ever could. }:-/
 * I do watch some anime. I wish Naruto was on at a time when I could watch it easily, but then again I could always reserve the DVDs at my library.  I haven't seen or read Fate Zero, but it sounds interesting and different.  As for the edits congrats, thanks!  I started to go for the year badge, but I had to quit for some reason.  Maybe someday I'll try it again.  Good luck to you! :-D Raidra (talk) 21:14, November 17, 2015 (UTC)
 * What made it worse is the critic never replied to admit she or he misinterpreted that part (Well, out-and-out invented an interpretation is more like it). I believe that if you misinterpret something (because you were tired, or didn't read it right, or whatever) and you either realize it later or have it pointed out to you, you should have the courtesy to reply, "Oh, my mistake!" Sometimes people do, but when they don't it's frustrating because that's really showing they don't care.
 * I've seen a little of Bleach, but one reason I haven't gotten into it is there's so much you have to learn about, like Reapers, Hollows, Vizards, Arrancars (or whatever the term is), Quincies, etc. I don't have enough interest to learn all the jargon and backgrounds.
 * Normally I'd say I'd archive my talk page myself, but I'll take you up on the offer. Thanks! :-) Raidra (talk) 01:09, November 20, 2015 (UTC)

Re:
Welp, good to hear it's made some improvements since FO:3. It seems like it's going to be tougher this time around with irradiation being more harmful and my character's tendency to frolic in large irradiated bodies of water. I'll be excited to learn how I'll probably get the worst ending imaginable. I assume it'll probably involve my character accidentally murdering a massive part of the world's population due to a choice I made arbitrarily earlier in the game. (Oh... you chose an left-handed character, well hope you enjoy genocide.)

Seems like it's got a bit of gameplay and side quests to it. I'll probably wait to see if the price drops between now and Christmas before I decide to pick it up. Thanks for taking the time to play through it and write a bit of a review for me. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:56, November 19, 2015 (UTC)

Re: Archived It
Thanks! The same thing happened when I archived it the first time.

I can see that, though it doesn't say much for the critics that they'd make accusations/insults and then run away. I mean, what are they, first graders?

I don't think you were being an elitist snob or anything. You told how you felt without maliciousness or arrogance. I thought you made some good points. You think, "Oh, come on! How many sets of powers is this guy gonna gain and lose?" Speaking of Bleach and Naruto, there's a famous meme. It appears to be a screenshot from some kind of message board thread or social media page. Someone asks, "Is Naruto better than Bleach?" and someone else, either jokingly or out of ignorance, replies, "I've never used Naruto. Does it make your clothes white?" X-D

I have seen and enjoyed other anime shows, but I'll have to talk about that later because there are things I need to do. I found out, though, that a show I watched as a child was anime. I never would have guessed because it was done in such a Western style. It adapted Grimm's fairy tales and aired on Nick Jr. in the late 1980s/early 90s. When I'm able I'll find an article about it. Raidra (talk) 00:14, November 21, 2015 (UTC)
 * Here they are- http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/which-is-better-bleach-or-naruto.jpg, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grimm's_Fairy_Tale_Classics

Yeah, I remember Face. I was lucky enough to be around when they had good shows like Grimm's Fairy Tale Classics, David the Gnome, The Little Koala (I think that was the name), and (later on) Papa's Beaver's Storytime.

~laughs~ Wow, that guy sounds like a jerk! The examples of that meme were funny, though. Thanks for the link! I'll check out the site when I can. For some reason it's been a strain lately to go on the Internet and do things (as evidenced by my just now responding to your post). I watched Pokemon and some Yu-Gi-Oh too. I was into the first two or three seasons of Digimon, but I lost interest after that because they changed too many things and it wasn't as good ("This is the real world and Digimon are fictional, except, no, wait, they're not! And the world is dark and scary!" :-/). I used to watch some G-Force and Voltron too. I liked Voltron better, perhaps because it was similar to Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers (G-Force creeped me out at times, really). It'll be interesting to see how many more I come up with after looking at that website. In any case, I'll stay away from those discussion boards. Thanks again! Raidra (talk) 23:47, November 23, 2015 (UTC)

New Tobit Story
Hey,

New Tobit story is posted: Tobit: The Lady and the Maiden of Knowledge. Please check it out!

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 02:35, November 23, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Anti-Spam" message
Well that is indeed a smart strategy. So it's been awhile since we talked and in that time, I had SnakeTounge look at my pasta. He hasn't given his review yet but I'm extremely nervous as to what he/she will say. I think it's because he/she said they'd definitely dish out some constructive criticism on it. I can accept criticism but I'm still quite nervous that they might have me rewrite the story from the beginning.

Remember that movie on Cartoon Network called "Re-Animated"? Remember how a lot of people didn't like it? Well while I'm thinking of the next event for my pasta, I've been attempting to re write the movie. Here's what I have so far:

"Sarah Kneeland is not a fan of cartoons from any country. To her, they just seem to be something for kids to be babysat by and she claims that she is too old to watch them. When it comes to TV shows and movies, she seems to prefer it when there are actual people on screen since it seems to make the situation that the characters are in more believable. She also believes that live action entertainment has more thought, focus, and effort thrown in than anything that has been animated. Because of this, she becomes frustrated when her little brother Jacob asks her to watch cartoons with him.

One day, while walking home from baseball practice with her friends, everyone except Sarah keeps praising a new cartoon series that seems to be appealing to kids and older audiences. When her friends ask Sarah if she has seen the show, Sarah politely says no and tells them that it's not her thing. The friends try to respect her viewpoint but they question how she can judge something without seeing it.

As the friends are talking, a car comes speeding down the road and hits Sarah before she could fully avoid it unlike the rest of her friends who jumped in the bushes that weren't in the car's path. Sarah is then taken to the hospital where it's revealed that while she did survive, she has 2 broken ribs, a broken leg, and some brain damage that rendered certain parts of it unusable. To fix the brain, they use fully functional parts from a man who died of a heart attack 5 days ago. The surgeons work effortlessly to fix her brain as well as her ribs.

When Sarah comes to, she sees her father and Jacob standing at the end of her bed in the post op ward and they ask how she is feeling. Sarah says she's okay but is surprised that she's still alive. She also wishes that her mom was there to comfort her. Sarah's father says that if were up to him, she wouldn't have gone overseas to get away from him.

As soon as Sarah gets home, she goes upstairs to her bedroom while using crutches and watches TV. While watching TV, she hears something coming from underneath her bed."

If you want me to link you to some information on Re-Animated, I can certainly do that.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   06:50, November 23, 2015 (UTC)

Feedback?
Hey, I was wondering if you could give me some feedback on a story I uploaded. Here's the link: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:512103

Thanks in advance, --SmidgetTheMidget (talk) 23:50, November 23, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "KND" message
So... That's a yes on linking you to info on Re-Animated? OK then.

Link: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Re-Animated#Plot

I hear they might do a reboot of KND but I'll have to research that more.

So I'll call the re write of Re-Animated "Toonified". That's the title I'm going with unless I can find a better title.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   18:22, November 24, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Teen Tits Go...To Sleep" message
Let's just hope they don't screw it up or else we'll see a legion of CN fans taking to the streets and raising hell and cattle!

I think Toonified is a good title for the project. Maybe the cartoon characters can help the main character appreciate animation again.

Sarah, the main character, has no way to contact her mother after the mother had divorced her father. The mother is overseas furthering her animation career and she had no luck winning custody of the kids.

Because animation reminds Sarah so much of her mother, it's too painful for her to watch any kind of animation.

That's some of the character ideas I have. I also started a new wiki. Link:  http://reanimated.wikia.com/wiki/ReAnimated_Wikia

 Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   23:24, November 24, 2015 (UTC)

My Tablet Thought It Was Tuesday!
So did I... Thanks Tablet! > : (

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   23:30, November 24, 2015 (UTC)

On Tobit
I won't give away who the leader of the Unwashed is quite yet, you'll just have to keep reading to find out. As far as there being two more stories, honestly, I am not sure anymore. When I first started the series, I honestly anticipated there being 3 installments, not counting the two prequels. Then it sort of just kept going, and now I'm all the way up to 8, so who knows? I would like to say that I could wrap it up in two more chapters, but in all truth, I never know what direction the story will go until I really sit down and get into it.

As always, thanks for reading and for leaving me the feedback. Your support is always greatly appreciated.

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 05:55, November 25, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Sorry Cartoon Network!" Message
If there was something that you could do to fix Cartoon Network, what would it be?

For me, I'd take TTG off of the air, give Amethyst: Princess of The Gem World its own series with full 30 minute episodes, and try to look at what the network is doing right and use that as an example to improve the network.

I don't know if I sent you some additional details that I added to Toonified but here you go:

" The noise moves from place to place, which makes Sarah want to follow it. The noise eventually leads her to the guest bedroom, where she finds a group of cartoon characters that yell "surprise" in unison as she enters the room."

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   18:26, November 25, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "What's TTG" message
TTG stands for "Teens Titans Go". Every time the full title is uttered, a kitten explodes. (Sees news report about exploding kittens) Dammit!

Amethyst: Princess of The Gem World is a short that aired in the DC nation block where viewers would vote to see which short CN should turn into a full series. Unfortunately, everyone voted for TTG. Ugh! If only they knew the horrors that would befall them with that choice. The Gem World was based on a comic of the same name and in the short, an ordinary girl gets sucked into a game world that she has to save.

I fixed the detail in Toonified:

"The noise moves from the floors and proceeds to jump from wall to wall, which makes Sarah want to follow it."

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   17:26, November 26, 2015 (UTC)

Fixed Toonified Even More!
"As soon as Sarah gets home, she goes upstairs to her bedroom while using crutches and watches TV. While watching TV, she hears a thump coming from underneath her bed. The noise moves from the floors and proceeds to jump from wall to wall, which makes Sarah want to follow it. The thump eventually leads her to the guest bedroom, where she finds a group of cartoon characters that yell "surprise" in unison as she enters the room."

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   21:02, November 26, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks
Thanks Vroom, I appreciate it. Happy Thanksgiving to you too. MrDupin (talk) 23:40, November 26, 2015 (UTC)

Ugh!
I really need to motivate myself to start working on my pasta again! I might change a few things in the chapter outline first.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   21:33, November 27, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "I Need Some Motivation" message
I guess I've been caught up in so many projects lately. I've been working on my schoolwork, my wiki, and whatnot.

Today, I saw one of the best commercials ever aired. It's a Japanese ad for Tokyo Disneyland and it's about the progression of a girl's life at Disneyland. The concept is so simple but yields so much emotion with very little dialouge.

The animation was on par with something Miyazaki would've made. In fact, if it was made by Miyazaki himself, I'd believe it.

The cover of "A Dream is A Wish Your Heart Makes" was beautifully sung and composed. Despite it being a Japanese ad, the lyrics were in English.

I've never felt more inspired by a commercial than I did while watching this one! It's like the first 10 minutes of the movie "Up" condensed into 30 seconds.

Here's the Link to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCSxbIvpE4Q

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   05:15, November 28, 2015 (UTC)

I just got your message!
Sorry I didn't get to respond earlier but I've been very busy. I also got a review back from Snaketounge.

He/She says I need to develop the real life characters (Main Protagonist, Erika, Hunter, etc) a bit more.

The level of description needs a bit more meat and some spelling needs to be fixed. I'm currently doing my best to fix those errors.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   21:00, November 29, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "It won't hurt" message
So I started adding more imagery to my pasta in chapter 2:

"As I was browsing through the collection in her room, I came across this odd looking DVD case. For one thing, it seemed like the case was large enough to fit a whole VHS tape in it, let alone a DVD. In fact, it reminded me of those clamshell VHS cases that you had to open to get the tape out, rather than just simply sliding it out. When I took the case off the shelf, I looked at the cover and while I was intrigued, it made me raise one of my eyebrows and say "huh?" out loud. Basically, the cover had the title "R.L Stine's: The Haunting Hour: Super Disc" Written on it with what I like to call "Microsoft Word Bubble Text". It was kind of like that fancy graffiti that was really colourful and made the text seem like it was popping out at you.

It also had an image of R.L Stine standing in front of a densely foggy purple background that had at least a couple of triangular grey trees with what looked like extremely slender arms for branches that kept overlapping one another. In addition to that, every other branch was either slanted up or down diagonally. R.L Stine himself was standing in the center of the cover with 4 outstretched arms that obviously didn't belong to him.

One of the left arms looked like it was made out of light silver smoke that had see through holes and scratch marks. It also had three wispy, jagged fingers that were gradually faded at the top. Above the arm, there was an even smaller DVD cover that read "The Haunting Hour: Season 1". The arm on the upper right of Stine's body was a plastic, ivory beige arm with short and stubby fingers. Above that arm was another DVD cover that read "The Haunting Hour: Season 2".

The lower left arm had a bright yellow tuxedo sleeve that nearly covered the arm in its entirety with a hand the size of a baseball mitt. The sleeve had a white circular end with a black button on it that seemed to come from an undershirt with longer sleeves. There was yet another DVD cover hovering over the arm's hand but this time it said "The Haunting Hour: Season 3". The final arm looked like it was made out of cheap light blue fur and had scrawny metal fingers. It held up a DVD cover that read "The Haunting Hour: Season 4".

He/She said that it doesn't matter how long it goes on for if the imagery is really good.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   15:16, November 30, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Impactful" message
Thanks! I'm going to look around the story to see if it needs anymore sprucing up. I need to finish my new haunting hour review as well. I've been so busy lately. :(

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   06:56, December 2, 2015 (UTC)

Before I Forget...
Did you any other parts of my story that need sprucing up in the imagery department? If you can't remember, I'll send a pastebin link of my story to you.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   20:41, December 2, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Tired" message
I'm out right now but I'll send you the pastebin link as soon as I get home! Sorry to hear about your exaustion. (hug)

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   16:49, December 3, 2015 (UTC)

Melon Head addition
I’m spreading the word that in a day or two I’ll be posting the addendum to “The Melon Head Illustration”. Hopefully it'll be good! Raidra (talk) 19:34, December 3, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Pastebin" message
Here you go: http://pastebin.com/21G4kF9x

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   20:20, December 3, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "I'm Getting There" message
Well I'm glad to see that you're making progress. As for me, I've been working extra hard to improve the Re-Animated wiki. I'm also very excited because I finally finished a new Haunting Hour review! I've been working on it since November because I've been very busy. When you get farther into the story, I'll start working on the story again.

Speaking of my wiki, I'm looking for contributors to help me improve the wiki. There's a couple of contributors on there already but having a few more wouldn't hurt. I've asked a couple of friends on Skype if they want to help and they seem interested.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   07:49, December 7, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Editing" message
Oh that's OK. I understand. By the way, while I was gathering up information for my wiki, I came across the weirdest thing. It's an animation reel made by a person who I think was involved with The Amazing World of Gumball.



When you get time, maybe you can check it out. It's really bizarre.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   06:34, December 8, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Something's Missing" message
Is it something like this? "She then let out a small grunt and said to herself, "Who chose the street colour, leprechauns?". Kristy calmed down as she started to look around at the colourful flowers of various shapes and sizes that lined the tops of the beige walls on both sides of the street. A bit later into her walk, she started to realize how narrow the street was and became more fidgety."

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?  01:04, December 13, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Much Better" Message
I'm glad I was able to find something that worked. I don't know if that sentence is too long but for now, I think it's fine. Keep up the good work!

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   05:04, December 14, 2015 (UTC)

Another review down!
So I finally got a chance to finish working on my latest Haunting Hour review. You can check it out when you get a chance. I'll be posting it to my blog soon. I'm also thinking of making riffs again. I started a livejournal page exclusively for that reason. I'm thinking of making the brother character in my pasta sort of like a little kid in a big kid body. However, he won't be afraid to use logic when it's needed. As for the other characters, I kind of want to keep Erika an unpredictable character and I'm not sure if I can add anymore development to the main character.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   03:26, December 20, 2015 (UTC)

The legend of link!
http://littleazusblog.blogspot.com/2015/12/every-haunting-hour-ever-26-flight.html

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   21:02, December 21, 2015 (UTC)

I'm back
Hey vroom

Just to let you know I'm out of hiatus now. Really missed you and everyone while I was gone for my exams. What's been going on since my absence?

Merry xmas!

Rinskuro13 (talk) 22:05, December 24, 2015 (UTC)

Re PoTM
Merry merry xmas my good ol timer herez a present to light up your festive spirits

And wow, I've just read empy's blog on the decision, and all about the pretty darn messed up drama regarding the father-son sock puppeting duo. It certainly seems like I missed a lot.

I think allowing users to nominate spotlighted pasta would be the best way to reintroduce the community input (unless you are already allowed to do that? I don't know much about how spotlighted pasta works... except the admins choose it and most of the time *shh just between u and me ok* they only choose super long ones lol) or encouraging them to suggest good pastas at least. That's my opinion on it.

It seems everyone's thinking hard to come up with a strategy around those annoying sock fuckers. What do you think?

Rinskuro13 (talk) 10:48, December 25, 2015 (UTC)

Hai!
Hey there! What's happening? As for me, Snaketounge and Whitex have reviewed my story. They both say that there needs to be more character development.

However, Whit brought up things that I haven't noticed. The first was that the bite sized chapters were slowing down the pace of the story, the actual episode doesn't really tie in to the real life setting, the cape cod house setting was too non threatening, and there needed to be more atmsophere. I sent him/her a message about how I would try and fix these problems.

I'm still confused about the atmosphere part. I've been told by a few other reviewers that the atmosphere was set up nice. I'm not upset but I'm confused as to what I should do.

I can send you the full Whit review of my story so far if you'd like.

Heeere's Hailey! Wanna Talk? 06:36, December 28, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Sorry" Message
Here's the full Whitex review:

"So I'm finally getting around to reviewing your work in progress, and since I don't know where else to put it, I figured I'd leave my thoughts here.

'The first thing I noticed, was that the chapters don't really add anything. This is just a personal pet peeve of mine, but I don't think one should have chapters as short as the ones you have here. They break up the pace and flow of the story (at least in my view), and aren't long enough to justify using them. '

'The second thing I noticed, was that the grammar is pretty solid. There's a few minor errors here and there, but overall, it reads well and doesn't hamper the enjoyment of the story. So kudos for that. The personal tone is nice as well, and helps the reader connect to the character. That's good, because other than that, we don't really get a feel for the narrator. I don't know too much about her, as she just tells us about her past experiences, which don't leave too much room for character development. I'd focus more on developing the character and less on describing the environment. That may sound odd, but it the character's bedroom or fan don't really play into the story at all and have no reason to be there. You have many extraneous details, and while well described, they don't help the story in any way and are actually detrimental, as they break up the tension in a negative way, delaying access to the more interesting parts of the story. '

'That brings me to my main issue with the story: it lacks much creepy tension or atmosphere. You're switching between two settings: the television show and the home scene. While the television show may be sort of interesting (probably more so if I had watched the show before or knew anything of Japanese culture), it doesn't have any creepy overtones or any relevance to the narrator's home scenes (unless the shadow figure turns out to be from the show), which really breaks up the flow of the story. I assume that they're connected later down the line, but you may want to connect them earlier or give the reader more of a reason to want to read those parts. There needs to be some coherence between the scenes as they seem very out of place with the "real life" scenes. '

'I don't know how far into the story this is supposed to be, but I think you need a more creepy atmosphere. Erika's house is too non-threatening for us to feel disturbed by the recurring shadow, and the television show in between each chapter doesn't add anything to the creepy atmosphere. For a story, it's fine and well written enough, but for a creepypasta, it falls flat as there isn't anything to be creeped out by. Maybe the ending completely changes that, but to get there, the reader has to go through this non-creepy opening, which should definitely be changed. More tension and atmosphere would do this story well.'"

He recently clarified something from this review. Here's what it is:

"I'll try and be more specific. I mentioned the story lacked a threatening atmosphere. When I think of the setting in most creepypastas, there's a general sense that something is wrong, right? You want a sense of foreboding, that the protagonist is in danger, that the area around them isn't safe. In your story, our protagonist is in a nice home with two older relatives close by, so I don't get a sense of threat at all. If your protagonist was alone, and started speculating whether the shadows were real, or whether her mind was playing tricks on her, that's a bit creepier than her immediately screaming for help and then getting that help. I think she should be isolated, alone watching this video, in a secluded house, where no one can hear her scream.."

Starting with chapter 6, The protagonist finds out that Erika and Hunter have left (later revealed to be on a quahogging trip) and she's all alone when the shadow figure appears for the second time.

I think It's a good idea but I'm still deciding whether or not it will work within the grand scheme of things.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   23:31, December 29, 2015 (UTC)

Re:
Happy New Year to you too, my friend. As for how thoughts should be presented, there is no consensus, but I will give you my opinion. If it's in first person, there's no need for anything, but you can use italics if you want (I don't use them). As for third person, I believe you should use italics for thoughts rather than quotes so they can't be confused as spoken words. If you're planning on posting it somewhere, look or ask around to see if they have any preference. Some say you don't have to use anything, ever, but I don't agree with that. I don't really agree with a lot of writing rules, and many of them are thankfully becoming outdated, but in many instances there really is no definite answer or rule.

The main thing is consistency. Go with your gut instinct for what suits the story best and stick with it. Keep in mind that a lot of people believe in rules that don't exist, so don't be surprised if someone tells you you're wrong. There are also people who refuse to let go of traditional, outdated rules. Let me know if you have any other questions. If you want to make an off topic thread with a link to your off-site story so you can get some feedback, feel free. Hope all is well.

Jay Ten (talk) 16:10, December 31, 2015 (UTC)

Just dropping by
Hey! I'm sorry I haven't visited lately. I just wanted to wish you a happy New Year. ~blows horn~ Raidra (talk) 23:20, December 31, 2015 (UTC)

New Year's Gift!
So to celebrate the new year, I have started to combine some of the smaller chapters into bigger chapters. Now, instead of 13 chapters, the story has 10. I also made the environment a bit more threatening.

Pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/DWYAjLVv

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   19:18, January 1, 2016 (UTC)