Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44606063-20191206171722/@comment-44296746-20191206205243

Okay, I'll be completely honest here.

This story is full of holes.

Plot holes, bad grammar, clichés galore, painful to read, but worst of all (and this is important to know), it is. Not. Scary.

If you were to tweak the story a bit (and perhaps take some English classes), it would probably be much better than it is now.

For example, instead of saying... "Josh threw lia to the wall and whipped her with his belt as liana knew she needed to save her sister and the only way is to kill their father."

You could say... "Josh slammed Lia against the wall as he grabbed his belt and whipped her with it. All of a sudden, Lia's newfound fury against her father made her believe that the only way to save her sister from an impending doom was to sacrifice Josh instead."

Okay, so it would probably still be in need of review, but it would probably help the story a bit if you went in a direction like that.