Talk:Death Rides a Pale Horse/@comment-25226524-20141127183658

Really good writing here. I see an amazing amount of potential in your prose, and I also enjoyed the story. The only thing I question is whether or not the scrambled up capitalization of the lettering when Death speaks is necessary. I don't think it really portrays what you're going for, it mostly just appears gimmicky. I think it would work fine if you just wrote it out normally, since you did mention that his speech was garbled. Capitalizing and not capitalizing random letters doesn't really give us a sense of what it sounds like, in my opinion. This isn't really a big problem or anything, just something I wanted to mention. It's fine if you want to leave it, as it is your story.

It's a little abrupt, so I do think you could do some expansion (I know this isn't easy though). This has sequel/series written all over it. Again, I really enjoyed this, and hope to see more from you in the future. Keep up the good work.