Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27031855-20151005141642/@comment-27031855-20151007021305

Thank you for the feedback, Levi. I tried my best to build a story that read quick and got to the point. I can see what you are getting at, with Dawg being dismissive at first about Dom's anxiety, though I will also say that in my experience in Healthcare, people wait a long time to actually act on such things. Her stating that she was thinking of taking him to the Dr. was my attempt to subtly indicate that she was worried about him, but that she wasn't really expecting more than a little shivers. Maybe it should get fleshed out a bit.

I may just cut out the final lines from the other forum-goers. It may just get locked after Dawg's final post. My only concern about stretching her post to multiple, smaller sections is that it could pull the reader out of the moment. The mods told me it didn't work in the style because it reduces the severity and tension her surgery should have. As such, I'm in the process of completely re-writing this in the form of a standard 3rd person story.

I originally wrote this for r/nosleep where the conceit of all stories are supposed to be "these have all happened." Thus the forum post format was supposed to make this more believable as a story. I can see that CreepyPasta Wiki has become more concerned about literary value, so I have to put more energy into this and step up my game. The switch has been a little jarring. CreepyPasta Wiki has immensely higher standards, lol!

Anyway, I will take your feedback into consideration, and I thank you for reading and granting me your feedback. I know I can do better, and it constructive criticism helps, immensely. I'm happy you enjoyed the characters, and I will post the re-write when I have finished it. :)