Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38610297-20190223044730/@comment-36627132-20190223050609

Spelling and Grammar Issues: "There story" should be "Their story" there = place, their = possessive. "that you will k. I mean chill your bones." If you're cutting a word short use ellipsis (three periods and a space), it otherwise looks like you forgot to fill in the word. Start a new paragraph whenever someone new starts talking. In fact, start a paragraph whenever someone talks period. "You two are very unique" "Twins aren't you?" you could have put a period after "unique" and you didn't have to break the quotation since he is still talking.

Spelling and Grammar Issues: "well I use too have" you mean "Well, I used to have". ""Yep, me and my wife he said pointing to" you forgot the other quotation mark that ended his speech. "Well I am so sorry too hear that" try not confuse "to" with "too". "alright he said" every quote, no matter how short it is, needs to be in between quotation marks.  "They had hear tall" should be "They had heard tall" hear = present tense, "heard" = past tense. I suggest you do a spellcheck on your next story.

Plot Issues: First off, you don't have to start it with "Narrator:". It's a story, not a script. Second, I advise against calling your characters Creepypastas or using the word Creepypasta in your story because it is universally agreed that it is never a good idea to mention Creepypasta within a Creepypasta. "Here goes something." is a pretty pointless sentance.

Plot Issues Continued: This story feels unfinished as you stop just as something is happening. I advise against posting unfinished stories on the Writer's Workshop because no one is going to want to keep checking back to see if you've added anything. That, and the possibility of them never being finished is the reason why unfinished pages are banned on the main site. On top of that you mention the Rake which, as I've said, it is never a good idea to mention Creepypasta within a Creepypasta (I feel that the girls having a Husky might be a reference in its own to the Smile.Dog). The story itself has very little going on in it and we're never told how these sisters became angels which makes me think that this is an unfinished story.