Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180822020522/@comment-5733573-20180824034226

I'm so sorry, Steven, but this is really bad. It needs improvement in nearly every possible way.

First of all, it doesn't feel like there's any point to the story. A demon-possessed dog corpse is preying on people. Okay. So what? What is it all for? Where is it all going? What's the point of it all? Without a point, it just feels like a waste of time and energy.

Next, it feels more like a documentary in places than a story. There's too much showing and not enough telling. Don't tell us what happens to people or to Cooper. Pick a perspective and use the five senses to paint a vivid scene. Make us experience what's happening. This will eliminate your need for exclamation points and italics which, honestly, a good story shouldn't need.

Finally, please don't write each individual sentence on its own line. Use full paragraphs that contain multiple sentences each. Each paragraph should have a job. One sets the scene, one describes a person, one deals with a specific action, etc. This will make your story flow much better.

This needs a lot of work and time, Steven. I wish this review could have been better, but it's just not ready for the wiki right now.