Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25147825-20140707054825/@comment-24352864-20140707080205

Kind of similar to some pasta I read that deals with someone waking up in the dark. Aside from that, maybe the plot could've worked better if it was written in third-person rather than second person. Some punctuations are needed in several parts as well.

The plot itself was kind of lacking. The developments are just confusing and doesn't make sense. Writing this in third person may solve some problems but-- I don't know.

That end part though. The guy has a gun, how wasn't he able to defend himself? I assume that even if you have "no time to think", reflex will take over.

And what's the deal with the mental hospital part? What did he do to get there and how did he escape? Huge plot hole there.

Also, I think the part where he wakes up to find the bad stuff was just a dream then realized that the bad stuff is happening all over again was kind of listed as a cliche already.