Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25987771-20150215194920

'''I've had this idea for a while now, but I'm having difficulty with it. I can't decide if it's strong enough as it is, and I need advice. '''

Call for Cleansing

This story has no moral to it. I’m not trying to spread awareness, and I’m not asking anyone out there for help or support. The only reason I’m telling you this story is to tell you my story.

When I was sixteen, I moved to Little Rock, Arkansas with my parents and two younger sisters. It was for business reasons, and while I was a little upset to leave Louisiana behind, I was looking forward to being in a neighborhood where we wouldn’t have to share a driveway with an old coot that had a hard-on for the Second Amendment. My parents picked out a nice place in the suburbs, only a few blocks from the residential high school. I remember asking why, and my Dad joked with me, saying ‘if you cut class, it’ll be easier to catch you.’

I wasn’t a bad student. I just didn’t like school. I prefer to take things at my own pace, and being forced to go from place to place for eight hours non-stop does not work for me.

I was constantly reminded of the looming threat of daily toil when we moved in, because every single time we drove in or out of the neighborhood I had to see that stupid school building.

Thankfully, integrating into the student body was no big deal. The population was diverse enough to have a place for everybody, and I soon found two new friends.

The first one I met was Ryan, he was in the same grade as me, and I had him in most of my classes. He was a skinny, average looking kid with unkempt hair and acne. He was extremely smart, but like me, he couldn’t stand school, and we got to know each other by griping about homework together.

And then there was U. U’s real name was Ulysses, so it isn’t hard to imagine why we called him the former. He was a heavy-set guy with a crew cut, and he was a notoriously lazy student. He sometimes just didn’t show up to school and rarely did his homework, something that neither I nor Ryan could work up the courage to do for fear of parental backlash.

U was what I like to call a ‘shocker,’ someone who deliberately says weird or disturbing things just to get a rise out of somebody. One of the first things he told me was that he wished they showed live executions on television, and later on in the year he claimed that I would be one of the few people he wouldn’t put to death when he became supreme dictator of the world.

It was unnerving at first, but I got used to it after a while and the three of us became tight like glue.

It was on a Friday in March that everything went pear-shaped.

The three of us had to stay after school to finish up a Physics lab, and none of us really minded. There was barely anything else to do on a Friday afternoon other than sleep since none of us were really the ‘partying’ type.

While we were messing around with whatever simple tool our teacher wanted to highlight that week, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I figured I could catch up on my notes when I got back.

Public school restrooms are far from clean most of the time, so I was determined to make myself scarce. I’m still amazed at how asinine boys in that age group can be; when was it ever funny to purposely clog a urinal with toilet paper or draw huge pictures of objects that vaguely resembled genitalia everywhere?

Anyway, I found one stall that was in reasonable condition and tried to ignore the nonsense scribbled all over the door and adjacent walls. Most of it was usually some idiot claiming some other idiot slept with a guy, or some wannabe pimp bragging about the nonexistent tail he got.

This time, however, I found something interesting.

Beneath all of the usual graffiti, there was a message written in iridescent silver ink. It was an entire paragraph, and if I remember correctly, it went something like this.

Gentlemen! Are you angry, depressed, irritable, or stressed? We can help! Call the number below for a special cleansing of the mind, entirely free of charge! Our procedure is quick and painless, and is sure to have a lasting impact! Be happy today!

And then there was a phone number beneath it.

It was so unusual to see such a polite message, no less an advertisement. Phone numbers like these were supposed to lead to bad prank answering machines or a guy who could hook you up with overpriced pot, not… cleansings.

The message was so bizarre, that it remained in my mind long after I left the bathroom. In fact, I felt the need to share it with my friends after we were packing up to leave.

“Hey, did any of you see that weird cult bullshit in the bathroom by Mr. Crenshaw’s class?”

“Was it that three foot wide illuminati symbol? That’s my personal favorite.” U said.

I laughed. “No, I’ll show it to you.”

“Hold on man, I don’t go into those rooms on principle.” Ryan said. “I like to keep myself Ebola free, thanks.”

“Trust me, it’s worth it. Come on.”

I led the two of them into the bathroom and showed them the message.

“I’ll be damned.” U muttered.

“Who do you think wrote it?” I asked.

“Beats me… my first guess would be one of the teachers, but why the hell would they put it here?” Ryan said as he puzzled over the message with me.

It took us a second to realize that U had strayed from the group and taken out his flip phone.

“What’re you doing, man?”

“I’m gonna give ‘em a call.” He declared.

“Wait, what?!” Ryan gasped.

“Dude, come on, don’t.” I said with a nervous laugh.

U ignored us as he hit the call button and set his phone on speaker.

“I’m just curious, man. I wanna see what they’re all about.” U said, shrugging.

We were about to argue against it again, but we were shut up when the phone was answered.

“Thank you for calling, how may I assist you today?”

It was a woman’s voice. She spoke in that overly cheery secretary tone so common among businesses.

“Uh…” U took a moment to form his response. “Yeah, hi, I saw your advertisement.”

He wasn’t actually expecting an answer, and frankly, neither were Ryan and I. It was off-putting that this secretary didn’t mention any company name.

“Excellent, sir.” the lady said. “Here, we offer a complete and total emotional cleansing, fast and free of charge. Our procedure is renowned as the most effective in history, and I can personally guarantee that you will be stress-free just one day after we are finished. Thank you for calling.”

And that was it. She ended the call right there. We were all speechless for a few seconds.

“O…kay, does anyone else fell like they’re going to die in seven days?” U said, breaking the silence.

We all gave a gush of dumbfounded laughter.

“What was that?!” I said through my mirth. “That so did not just happen!” Unfortunately a janitor found us and demanded to know why we were in there after-hours.

“This ain’t no hangout, get outta here!” he barked in response to our explanation.

We all obediently left, throwing a slew of insults at the grouch when we were out of earshot.

“Shit!” I remember saying when I checked my watch. “Oh, God, I can’t believe I forgot! My parents can’t give me a lift home until six!”

“No worries, man.” U pulled a set of car keys out of his pocket and jingled them in the air. “You can come stay at my place for a while, I’m right down the street.”

“Can I come too?” Ryan asked. “My parents won’t care what time I come home if I call them first.”

We all made the necessary arrangements, calling parents and changing pick-up locations, and then we all piled into U’s weathered, twenty two year old Buick and rode to his apartment.

I felt great, a chance to hang with my two best friends on a Friday? Who could ask for more?

“So, what do you think was the deal with that phone call, man?” Ryan asked from the backseat.

“I don’t even know. If it was supposed to be a joke, it wasn’t a funny one.” I said.

“On what planet would that be considered humor?” Ryan replied.

“Hey, it was creative.” U said. “At least it wasn’t some person in Burkina Faso trying to rip us off or something.”

We arrived at U’s apartment building and went up to his pad on the first floor.

There, we were immediately assaulted by a barrage of deep, booming barks.

“Roy, shut up!”

A gigantic beast that was almost big enough to be a lion stood in the center of the room.

“That’s Roy. He’s a Rottie-Mastiff mix.”

The enormous dog soon lost interest in us and went behind the couch to lie down.

“He likes to think he’s scary, but all you’ve got to worry about is him eating your food. And he’s an expert at that, he once stole a steak off of the grill.”

We entered the apartment and U showed us around. There wasn’t too much to look at, although there was a pretty extensive collection of comics in U’s room. His parents were nowhere to be seen, and he claimed that they were still at work.

After we were given the grand tour, U let us sit down on the couch while he got some snacks. Roy followed him into the kitchen and sat and watched while he prepared the popcorn.

“If that dog’s hungry, you better feed him before he decides we’re a better meal.” Ryan quipped, peering over the back of the couch at the massive canine.

U soon brought over some popcorn and asked us if we wanted to watch a movie. We obliged, not having anything better to do, and he chose some horror flick I’d never heard of called The Prowler.

I snuck Roy a piece of popcorn thanks to my weakness for his droopy-eyed stare, and got a handful of slobber for my trouble. That dog needed to wear a towel around his neck.

A little while later, there was a knock at the door, setting Roy off again.

“Roy, don’t make me smack you!” U got to his feet. “My brother probably forgot his key again.”

U looked through the peephole, and I remember him softly muttering “What the hell..?”

Ryan and I stopped the movie and looked over at U in confusion.

“What’s the matter?” Ryan asked.

U held out a finger as if to say ‘hold on’ and opened the door, keeping the latch on so it was only open a crack.

“Can I help you?”

We heard a female voice reply to him, but her response was muffled by the door.

“You what? I think you have the wrong apartment.”

I knew it was a nosy thing to do, but I got up and moved a little closer to the door so I could hear the conversation better. I wouldn’t have done so if that voice hadn’t have sounded familiar.

“This is the Sherman residence, isn’t it? You called our number fifty seven minutes ago.”

The lady on the phone. That was her voice. But… no. No, that wasn’t possible. U hadn’t told her anything, not even his name.

“I have everything prepared, Ulysses. Let’s get started, shall we?”

The woman’s voice was as calm and polite as it had been on the phone, and even though I couldn’t see it, I knew she had to have been smiling.

U, clearly stricken, swallowed and managed to keep a respectful tone we almost never heard him use.

“Ma’am, when I called that number, I only wanted to know what your business did. I didn’t buy anything.”

The woman laughed liltingly.

“My dear friend, our procedure doesn’t cost a cent! Anyone who contacts us is immediately eligible for a cleansing.”

Roy began growling.

“Ma’am… I’m sorry, but I never wanted a… cleansing.” U said.

“But you called our number.” The woman replied, with the same inflection of someone who was just told a joke. “I understand if you’re nervous, but you haven’t a thing to be afraid of, I promise.”

“Listen, ma’am. I didn’t ask for anything, and I’m sorry if there was a misunderstanding. Goodbye.”

And then he shut the door, locking the deadbolt.

“Was that..?” Ryan asked, his voice wavering.

“How did they find us? Star sixty nine?” I added.

U didn’t have time to answer before another knock sounded. Roy began barking again, and we allowed him to this time.

“Guys…” U’s tone was hollow. “I fucked up.”

Ryan and I looked at each other.

“I don’t know what I got us in to, but I think we should call somebody.”

I swallowed, trying to force the fear in my voice down with my saliva.

“U, it’s just a weird lady. She’ll leave you alone if we just ignore her.” This was less of a reassurance to U than it was to all of us, me included.

U shook his head, his breathing becoming faster.

“Look at her.” He pointed to the door without even glancing at it. I looked from U, to Ryan, to the door, and tip-toed over to it, peering through the peephole.

It was a woman alright, in a plain black dress with a purse under one arm. But she was wearing a mask. Barely large enough to cover the top of her forehead, it seemed to be nothing but a smiling face. It wasn’t an evil smile, or even a large one, it was just a small curve of the mouth with two blank, staring eyes.

The woman had pulled a cell phone out of her purse and pressed a button before bringing it to her ear, still fixing that innocent smile directly at the door.

“I think our new friend needs some help.” She said, keeping her tone as warm and welcoming as always.

I turned to look at the others.

“Call the cops.” It felt so surreal to say that phrase and actually mean it.

“What?” Ryan heaved, his voice distant.

“Call the cops! I think she’s trying to get in here!”

Ryan whimpered and fumbled for his phone. U locked the window in the living room and hurried to lock the others. I went into the kitchen and threw open the drawers, looking for anything sharp.

In retrospect, it all sounds ridiculous. I was a kid, for Christ’s sake, I wasn’t capable of harming another human being. But there I was, clutching a seven inch long carving knife to my chest for protection.

“Hello? Hello?” Ryan was spluttering into the phone. “My name is Ryan White, I’m at my friend’s apartment, and…”

There was a tremendous bang against the door. Someone had thrown their weight against it from outside. Roy barked fiercer than ever, baring his teeth. Ryan jumped a foot into the air.

“Oh God, you’ve gotta help us, they’re trying to break in!”

BANG. Ryan had gotten too hysterical to form coherent sentences, tears streaming down his mousy face.

BANG. U reappeared with a hammer, trying to look fierce as his lower lip quavered.

BANG. I was on the verge of crying, too. I wanted to get on my knees and beg them to go away, to apologize for whatever we did.

BANG-CRACK. I felt a suffocating wash of numbness when I realized that the deadbolt had been pushed through the building’s aged wall, splinters raining down onto the doormat. The only thing between us and whoever was outside was that brittle chain lock.

With the next bang, the chain snapped, shattering into tiny scraps of metal and flinging the door open.

I felt the numbness disappear into complete and utter fear. They all had those masks.

Seven or eight of them, every single one wearing one of those smiling masks.

(Insert ending here. Is it any good?) 