Talk:The Lonesome Child/@comment-5733573-20180517175816

I like the idea and the plot here, but this really needs some polish. How exactly is he at peace? There's nothing to suggest that. Also, some of the wording could be smoother. For instance, there's a paragraph where you use the word "started" three times in a row. A smoother rhythm there would make that section much more readable. If I were the writer, I would give this another look and clean it up. Really cool idea, though.