Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27857924-20160321054104/@comment-25052433-20160323011955

I'll start off by saying this, this pasta began with a great concept that I was really enjoying. Yes, the grammar needs a lot of work, as I think has been pointed out above, but for a while there the plot was enough to keep me interested. The idea of a corrupted superhero, while not totally orignal, is something that I haven't seen much (or any) of on this site. It got me thinking that this pasta did have potential and just needed a good cleaning up grammatically.

What really ruined it was the cliche descriptions of the monster that Stupendo Man was feeding. Bald humanoid, tall with long arms and legs... sound like anyone we know? Slenderman perhaps? That sort of sunk this boat for me.

However, I will say this, I think you're on to something with this idea and just need to take the time and effort to flesh it out. Clearly the grammar and writing need work, but that is actually the easy part. Honestly, get away from the Creepypasta cliche, the tall bald skinny thing, it's just been done too many times here to cause any reaction other than eyerolls from the readers.

I do believe that this holds potential though, you just need to smooth it out. Update this with some notable improvements and I think it could stick on the site, but as has been pointed out above, it needs a lot of work.