Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26399604-20160803202244/@comment-27008899-20160805011224

Chapter 4

The room displayed a large holographic map in the air. It was to the current solar system with the sun, Hale’s Eye at the center Suggest: The room displayed a large holographic map floated abocve him which showed the current solar system with the sun, and Hale’s Eye at the center

The automated Captain however, Grammar rule: The automated Captain, however,

her voice fluctuating between a soothing tone and a flat metallic one Tense issue: her voice fluctuated between a soothing tone and a flat metallic one

Chapter 4 overall - a little short. I like the jump away from the events of 3 forcing your reader to think beyond chapter 4. Great description of the room.