Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25269564-20181112121018/@comment-36627132-20181112194822

Spelling and Grammar Issues: Paragraphs are slightly wall-of-text and can be broken down more. Dialogue should be in its own paragraph. The "So" at the beginning of the story is pretty unnecessary. "back of my closet, and grabbed a flashlight" the comma is unnecessary. "Since no street lights here, the night seemed as black as could be" would have been better worded if you said "Since there are no street lights here, the night seemed as black as it could be." "a man in his mid 50's" the apostrophe is not needed as fifties is plural, not possessive.

Plot Issues: The story has a handful of cliches: exploration of an abandoned building (extra cliche points for being an asylum), being stocked by a psychopath, pointless excessive gore and blood used for shock value, animal cruelty for the scarez!, dead phone battery, and the offensive stereotype of people with mental illnesses (yes, I am aware that there are actual psychopaths in the real world, but that doesn't make it any less offensive).

Plot Issues Continued: The story itself kind of feels like a bad mixture between Barbie.AVI, Abandoned by Disney, and Halloween (the psycho's daytime stalking kind of felt like that of adult Michael's near the beginning of the movie, the climactic chase scene was similar, the murderer is an escaped mental patient who murdered a memeber of his own family). Honestly, the main characters are unlikeable and unrelatable.

Plot Issues Continued: "It felt like we were being watched, but I simply brushed it off as superstition." that isn't superstition, paranoia would be a better. "which explained the fresh clothes" no, it doesn't. How did he get those clothes?

Plot Issues Continued: This story leaves a lot of questions that need answered: if this guy is an escaped patient why isn't the police looking for him? If he's just standing in random spots the police are sure to pick him up. Why was he stalking them? Yeah, I know that's what the main character is asking at the end, but it feels like lazy writing not to give a real reason.