Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25547916-20141112050012/@comment-25439157-20141115100320

It's the one line that did not sound iambic to me. I read it as,

I sink on further down in muck

That could be a fault on my part, because I never stress I when I'm reading poetry, while I should. However, even so, while what you mean is,

I sink on further down in muck

It messes up the rhythm. Till now, all the Is in the poem have been unstressed. And suddenly, when you read the line with an unstressed I, it doesn't make sense.

You could also mean, now that I think of it, I sink on further down in muck

But here, some stressed syllables sound wrong. For example, in should not be stressed at all. And on. Perhaps it's the way /you/ say it, then. However, your readers will read it without your help and it'll sound unnatural to them.

I guess it's the further that's causing trouble. And I, but you've used that for the rest of the poem as an unstressed syllable. And I read it as an unstressed syllable, so that's okay.

According to my pronunciation of further, the line could be, I sink further down in the muck.

But now I'm confused, too. I think it would be wise if you consulted a dictionary for accepted pronunciations of certain words. It's helped me more than once, although rhymes and metres cramp my style >_>