Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31424920-20180609163328/@comment-35711173-20180609185703

Hi, I will start by saying that real life no bull I grew up and had close personal ties to two different people who were later convicted for mass murderer. Both were sentenced to death. Both had much higher body counts.

First, I will approach it as if this is brand new and unrelated to any movie, TV show, other story, etc.

The story just doesn't seem to grab me. The person describing it wasn't even born during the killings. I lose suspension of belief when you say the killer escaped from prison - not the way they lock death row inmates down. The protagonist doesn't have any direct personal tie to the killers unless it's something not stated. I don't see or feel how he "never left" and the single tear bit seems really hokey. Real world, no bull I had three neighbors killed by one crazy. Three really nice guys too.

I know this is an extension of the Halloween movie franchise. I'm not even sure on the rules of such. By my reading such a spin-off as this may not be acceptable for this site. Please read the following and talk to an administrator. https://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Spinoffs

This may also be classified as a fan fiction and be banned by the above.

If an admin says that you can proceed, I suggest a stem to stern rewrite. It might go better with brutal editing, taking out every unnecessary word.