Talk:Whitewater Road/@comment-25941663-20170525100341

I'm afraid this was so and so. On one hand it had its moments, but it was inconsistent throughout. The moment when they see Chloe on the side was awesome, and honestly, is the saving grace of the piece. Without it this would have been below average. Another thing that stood out is the voice of the narrator. The "quick" and short sentences, especially near the beginning, gave this a sense of urgent sadness. Like the narrator wanted to confess as quickly as possible. I don't know if the effect was intentional, but it worked.

There were a couple of grammatical errors (which I fixed for you) which distracted me from the piece, so please be extra careful in the future.

Apart from that the plot itself is not that great. It is pretty vanilla and predictable. If it wasn't for the Chloe scene, it would have been a bland tale.

Overall, this was not bad, but it could have been better. I encourage you to keep writing, since you show great potential. With practice you can be fantastic. Keep up the good work!