Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29791712-20160217050100/@comment-25941663-20160225213456

I will break the review up into two parts. First, the technical part. (Control+F to find)

"joint accompany those same Corona’s." - It's "Coronas".

In the third paragraph, you leave no lines between dialogue.

"how she tries her best to avoid gagging" - Gagging isn't the best word choice here. At first I thought the beer was so horrible she was gonna vomit. Try "cracking up" instead, or something.

"into claws that snaps our necks, or chokes" - It's "snap" instead of "snaps" and "choke" instead of "chokes".

"and a dim, and yellow light" - The following sounds better: "and a dim, yellow light".

"It’ll past, though. It always does." - It's "pass" instead of "past".

"playful expression usually display on his face" - It's "displayed". Personally though I would try and find another word entirely, "displayed" doesn't fit that nicely.

"there are worst people" - It's "worse".

"I always use to see her near my house" - I don't know if this is intentional or not (as it is in dialogue), but it's "used" instead of "use".

When Santi says "The story doesn't end here guys": Immediately after that, you have some italics. After the italics, the quotation mark should be deleted.

"to end my limb’s uncontrollable movement" - It's " limbs' " instead of " limb's ".

"I’m startle by the sudden sound" - It's "startled".

"I don’t know what I did. The beers…" - This is one of the last lines in the story. It's dialogue, so it needs a closing quotation mark.

Who says the very last line? If it's Santi, it should be on the same line as his previous dialogue.