Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20150529193644/@comment-24281984-20150529232816

I have to say, this really isn't very good, and I'll explain why. Granted, it is very difficult to write poetry that is effectively scary, and even more so if you chose to make it rhyme.

The biggest problem, in my opinion, is that a lot of the lines feel forced. Read this aloud and see which lines feel sort of "clunky", because I found most of them to be that way.

As a piece of advice, try to keep the number of syllables per line to a pattern. Instead of having nine in one line and sixteen in the very next, cut out some words from the longer line or change it altogether. Your poem will "flow" much better if it sounds like a poem or a song when you say it aloud. Simpler and shorter words are very effective to use.

Also, I'm not quite sure I understand what the premise of this was. Was just someone who happens to want to kill and eat another human being? There isn't any real, believable explanation for the narrator's actions and it also, unfortunately, comes off as forced and not very scary.

I know this is a pretty negative review, but I'll tell you something: When I tried to create a song (which is basically just a long poem with some repitition) I re-wrote it about thirty times over before I felt completely happy with it. Poetry takes a lot of revision and thought to make it effective. I'd suggest reading this for more advice: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Writing_Advice/What_is_Poetry%3F_%28Or,_Probably_Why_Your_Poem_Was_Deleted%29 and keep trying.