Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25768285-20141127001307/@comment-25756008-20141127002732

First off, I'd like to give you my condolences for the death of your cat.

This story has a lot of flaws, which is definitely to be expected with a first story. Most glaringly is the grammar errors throughout the story. In a lot of cases the phrasing is also very confusing. From a grammatical standpoint, this story really isn't all that great.

Moving onto the story itself, the biggest flaw I can find is naming your character Derek Shadow. This is a really terrible name and instantly makes the story sound like a terrible fanfiction.

Another thing that seriously irks me is the introduction. It's so boring and long winded, and doesn't really catch my interest. I must admit though it was refreshing to see something other than "Hello my name is Blahblah, and I am blah years old." At the same time, it still comes off as cliche and uninteresting.

The plot itself is okay. It kind of works, but the terrible dialogue and cliched plot devices really brings it down.

Overall, the best advice to improve is to keep writing. Nobodies first story is ever really good, so there is no need to feel bad about it either. However, if you enjoy writing keep doing it, as improvement comes with time. Another thing that really helps is reading. Read a LOT. Learn what is cliche and what is not, especially when it comes to horror. Horror is easily the hardest genre to write. Overall, read, write, and do some research. I heard in chat that your goal was to be as popular as Cryotic. Keep that goal in mind and work towards it, but at the same time be patient and persistent.