Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4849011-20160604033711/@comment-25569708-20161019192617

Alright, so I didn't find any errors or things to really even change so I'll get right to the plot. Firstly I'll comment on the length of this chapter, which I felt was appropriate for a final part, especially one with a good deal of exposition/explanation to get out. I thought this final chapter was a good climax, and it was cool to finally see Daniel's memories in full light fully explained. I really liked the image of the characters literally watching the goings-on of Daniel's mind on a screen; that just felt appealing to me. Once again the dialogue is believable, needed and engaging, which is important in this specific chapter with all the talk regarding Daniel's memory screening. Another neat thing I liked about the "memory DVD" were the fades to black indicating Daniel's memory lapses; a good touch. I should also note that this part had some pretty tense and disturbing moments (Parents' deaths, Daniel's abduction, "guinea pig" tests, Daniel's violent outbursts) with going through Daniel's memories, and it was good to get a stronger horror element in this chapter, and I think that strengthens the story overall (Not to mention that it makes this story fit the wiki more).

It was good to see that Daniel might overcome himself yet, and I felt the way you ended his arc was effective and worthwhile. I also liked that tidbit about Kent atoning for some wrongdoings, and it kind of mirrored Daniel in a way (though Daniel did not bring his problems upon himself voluntarily). I really enjoyed the ending of this chapter (and by extension the entire story) with the Basilisk members watching The Muppets and discussing their newest member, and that sort of cleverly mirrors the entire premise of this story with these kind-hearted, super-powered superheroes who live in the real world; the same as you and I. And you also get bonus points for slipping in "he chose to stay as his houseguest", pretty cool name-dropping there.

So considering the story as a whole now, I can safely say that the whole thing is great. I know I've spoken to this before, but the way you were able to interweave real-life psychological issues with comic book-style superheroes with full backstories was very appealing and interesting (Goodness, I'm tired of saying "interesting" and "intriguing" but what else can I say?!). To me, I'd rather read about the troubled psyche of a layered character and their struggles with it (Daniel), than the- and I'd like to quote myself here- "average 'Murder Torture Slaughter 666.exe' stories" which unfortunately seem to be in large numbers sometimes. But yeah, I think this story is successful in being engaging, layered, descriptive, full of spirit, humorous, and at times disturbing and off-putting. There were a few times when I wondered if it was horror-oriented enough, but with this last creepy closing chapter I think it ties the whole thing together as a psychological horror tale, and a quality one at that. It was a real pleasure to read these chapters. Hope all this helped you somewhat.