Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30157838-20161007215711

This is my submission for the Hallowroots story collaboration. I wanted to capture both the horrors of the town and the general obliviousness of the town's population to the strange events that occur there, but if you have any suggestions as to how I could better exemplify that, please don't hesitate to tell me. I'm looking for both critique and general opinions, so lay them on me.

Without further ado:

Whistling Winds summer camp had laid just on the outskirts of town for as long as anybody could remember. Grandparents fondly remembered the stories their grandparents told them about the place, the ghost stories around the campfire, the hiking along the forest trails, and of course, the rope swing into the water at Lake Nigeros. Everyone who had been there seemed to agree that it was completely unsafe for children and adults alike, but they all vouched for its entertainment value. The thrilling rush of wind through your ears after dropping off that moldy rope, the long forty-foot drop, and (for many,) the feeling of urine running down your legs made it an unforgettable experience.

The camp had unfortunately closed several years back, but it lived on through Hallowbrook's people, a fond memory of simpler times. Cooper's grandfather had told him about the camp many times, and always kept going back to that rope swing, the senile old fart always getting that glassy look in his eyes and that goofy grin on his face whenever he mentioned it.

"I got my first kiss near that swing, you know."

He would always say.

"Was about the same age you are now, I think. When we found that old bit of rope hanging from a branch, all the kids were scared to go on it, whining 'bout how they'd die if they fell that far. I called 'em all babies and stepped up onto that little wooden board all by m'self...almost fell 'n broke mah neck when that sweet lil' thing Betty Sue spun me around and planted one right on the smacker, said I was bein' so brave."

It was at this point grandma would usually give him a dirty look.

"The jump down after that was somethin' wonderful, son. I ain't never been so excited in mah life."

Cooper had never thought much of the story before, but after grandpa passed away, it had stuck at the forefront of his mind. Every time he thought of his pappy, he would think of that story about the rope swing, the one he had heard a hundred times over, and part of him would always long to experience it for himself. But now, staring out at the decrepit rope and that moldy plank of wood, he was beginning to have second thoughts.

"Are you coming down, you big baby? The water's fine!"

The moon shone bright enough to see Robbie calling out to him from down in the lake, his long, auburn hair so wet that he had to keep brushing it out of his eyes. Cooper took a deep breath, extending a foot towards the plank before pulling away, hesitant.

"It's a long drop, Rob!"

Cooper had even been the one to suggest this little outing, he was disgusted that this was such a difficult thing to muster up courage for. He had snuck out of the house for this, he couldn't back out now!

"Look, I made it down here fine! Just close your eyes if you're scared!"

"I ain't scared!"

Cooper sighed, running a hand through curly brown locks and licking his lips nervously, free hand on his hip. It seemed like the perfect night to do it, too. The stars were out, the moon was full, the temperature mild...a swim certainly did seem like a good idea, and grandpa had always talked about how fun this was...hell, this was the reason he was out here in the first place, wasn't it?

"Alright, I'm comin'!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">"Atta boy, Coop!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">The lanky pre-teen took his first tentative step onto the creaky wooden board, the thing so moldy that it almost snapped just from having one foot placed on it. Still, it seemed to hold well enough, prompting the second foot to follow, Cooper breaking out into a gentle jog before leaping to snatch at the rope hanging off the branch above him. With a whoop of delight, he grabbed tight, the braided nylon managing to miraculously hold his weight as he sailed through the air, legs kicking frantically.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">Letting go was the hard part, but he managed it, eyes shut as he started to drop towards the water below. It was just as grandpa said it was. The wind was exhilarating, the piss in his trunks warming them despite the chill in the air, the feeling of falling overwhelming him as he hollered in childlike glee. It was dangerous, sure, but it was a feeling that couldn't be matched anywhere else. The tallest rollercoaster in the world was nothing compared to the feeling of free-falling like this, Cooper was sure.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">The water hit fast and hard, murky liquid surging into his ears and nose, eyes shut tight and cheeks puffed as he felt the lake envelop him. It all seemed...warmer than he thought it would be. Cooper's eyes flickered open slowly as he prepared for the journey back to the water's surface, his feet already kicking before he truly noticed where he was. Well...he wasn't sure exactly WHERE he was, but this was certainly not the lake. Ridged, pulsating pink walls ebbed all around him, sucking in and out as if they were breathing, what had once been the surface of the water above him now replaced with a veined pink dome, a tiny pocket of air smaller than the young boy's head seeming to be the only place of respite.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">Cooper gurgled, suppressing a scream, his breath held tight. The walls pulled in close enough to gently squeeze him, then pushed back enough where his fingertips could barely brush against them, the living corridor creating a sense of claustrophobia that the middle schooler had never quite felt before. He had little time to dwell on that, though, kicking his feet frantically towards the sweet, sweet oxygen above him as he flailed his way to the top of his unusual prison, only just managing to break the surface before suffocating completely. The boy's lips almost managed to press against the flesh above him, so tight was his space, but he treasured the precious seconds of survival like nothing else.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">Such a spot of hope was soon lost, though, as Cooper realized with a sudden panic that he was trapped...somewhere. The meat-tube he was stuck in only went down, and who even knew if it had a bottom? Even the air he was currently chugging into his lungs would not last forever, he could already feel it getting thinner with every inhale that he made...he had no choice but to go down. Brain still in full-on panic mode, he gasped for one last mouthful of air and took the plunge, small hands using the walls around him to begin shimmying his way down.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">Every few seconds, his descent became even more difficult, the corridor's 'exhales' making it nearly impossible to manually drag himself down, forcing Cooper into a thrashing struggle to continue down the fleshy pipe before he could get his grip again. His vision blurred at around twenty feet down, feeling himself unable to hold his breath for much longer. It passed through his mind that perhaps he should go take another gulp or two of air before trying again, but he knew there was no point. If he was to escape, he would have to take his chance now.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">The deeper he went, the more strange things seemed to become. The walls didn't have eyes before, did they? They were dead, glassy stares, like those of fish, watching him struggle, uncaring and unblinking as the child passed them by. Everything here seemed so...passive. It was as if Cooper was not prey nor intruder, just a visitor to the strange breathing intestine that resided in the lake, as strange as that all sounded. Sharp teeth began to sprout amidst what was now dozens of eyes all watching him pass, but even they laid mostly dormant, only managing to exert weak wriggling as the child's hands gripped them in order to hasten his escape.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">What had once been just gentle ridges in this disgusting tunnel was now a horde of various body parts lining the walls, Cooper grabbing on to anything and everything that might bring him to the bottom. Arms, noses, legs, not human ones, but something similar, the middle schooler hardly even registering what he was grabbing onto, bubbles escaping his lips as he clamored down, down, down. Eyes grew on these limbs, then eyes grew on top of eyes, deeper and deeper, color flushing from Cooper's face as his mouth opened, a surge of water dumping into his lungs as he sank deeper into the grotesque abyss, until finally...

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">His head broke the surface, and he took in as big a breath as he could before beginning to violently cough, choking on the water within him before beginning to vomit, the water around him warming as he pissed his trunks again, Robbie staring at him with a beaming smile on his face.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">"See, it wasn't so bad, was it? Do you want to go again?"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">Cooper finished hurling up his stomach, clawing his way onto the nearby rocks before turning his pale, grinning face towards his friend.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">"Definitely!"

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;">His grandfather hadn't been lying.

<p style="margin-top:0px;margin-bottom:24px;color:rgb(61,89,109);font-family:Merriweather,Georgia,"TimesNewRoman",Times,serif;font-size:15px;font-weight:normal;"> <ac_metadata title="A Dip in Lake Nigeros (October 2016 Collab, Unreviewed)"> </ac_metadata>