Talk:Fluffy the Demon of Candleshire/@comment-24927388-20140529171902

I made a couple minor edits. I personally dont think this is creepy. Also I am unsure why/how the narrator is telling the story being dead, I feel this would work better from third person. I also feel the description of the creature is lacking, and I believe you should put more effort into the description. Having the character tell the reader how scary it was doesnt give the reader the feeling of fear, rather I think you should be more descriptive.

Example: I pulled the branches away, and out of nowhere, it jumped at me. Its head was a skull, the dull grey color of the bone was coated in what looked to be spots of mangey decaying skin, and matted fur. Large teeth jutted from its jaws, the smell of rot filled the air. The dark black fur of its body stuck out like prickley needles, I assumed to make it easier to latch onto its prey.

Not saying you have to use that description, or that thats even a great description. But it gives more imagination to the reader on what the creature looked like, and makes it seem more terrifying than just a brief vague description. Aside from that, this was fairly well written. As for creepy factor I have to say 5/10. Sorry for low rating, I feel after some revision and some minor changes this can be a really good story. It was a good concept, just a bit lacking on execution.