Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20141018083456/@comment-25226524-20141018182840

I'm glad to see you're still at it. I enjoyed this one. The descriptive work in the bathroom scene was stellar, and the overall flow was pretty much spot on. The concept was very original and creative.

The part about the moss somehow brought back memories of the segment "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill" from the film Creepshow (I had to look this up, and I thought it was a Twilight Zone episode). It's based on the short story "Weeds" by Stephen King, who also played the part in the film. It's about a man who touched a meteor and began growing a moss/grass-like substance all over his body. Although it's likely you haven't seen the segment I'm referring to, thanks for bringing back that memory, as it had a huge impact on me as a child. (might be something you want to check out, just for fun.)

There were a few issues I'd like to point out, although some of them are just opinion-based, others are not:

"sweat stained socks" "sweat-stained socks"

"sparing" should be "sparring"

"In attempt to stand, something forces me back down" should likely be "(During or In) an attempt to stand, something force(d) me back down"

"god forsaken" is one word "godforsaken"

"terror stricken" "terror-stricken"

"face first" "face-first"

(strictly opinion) You used the word "pulsate" and "pulsated" a few paragraphs apart. This word just stands out, and sometimes certain words have an odd feel when used relatively close together. I'm very bad about doing this, so I have no room to talk, but I still wanted to throw it out there for you to decide.

Other than that, I didn't really see any issues. You may want to give some more indications that she is hiding/running from some aspect of her life. The only thing I caught onto was when she felt guilty, as this did seem out of place, but well used in hindsight. (I could also just be misreading the whole thing, so take my advice with a grain of salt.), but I think it still works well as is.

All in all, I think this is another great, albeit bizarre, story that will work well for the site. I enjoyed reading it, and especially the obscure memories it induced. Keep up the good work.