Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25230922-20150703071130/@comment-25226524-20150703235517

The narration is very good for the most part, but I'm not feeling the dialogue. The dialogue feels a bit unnatural to me personally, and I think you need to spend some time reworking it. I'm also not crazy about the extensive description given of the family all at once. I think you could benefit from introducing them as they become relevant. I think you do have a great foundation here, and I'm curious to see where you take it. I feel like you've got the makings of a nice modern day Usher family with a Faustian backstory, and you could make this into something great. This is just my interpretation, so don't let me steer you away from your intent, if you already have one.

All in all I see a lot of potential in this depending on where you take it.