Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27154832-20151201235834/@comment-27161672-20151202152943

I agree with everyone else. With some work, this could be a great short and shocking story. The biggest issue for me is how it reads. It comes off borderline robotic. You read a sentence. You read a sentence. You read a sentence. Try adding some descriptive fillers into your sentences to make them flow into one another. I know you want it to be short, but not at the expense of solid wording.

Keep working on it! I'm excited to see the story evolve and what you come up with.