Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25597074-20151021034437/@comment-25597074-20151022155333

Revised still need some constructive criticism

The words Billy’s parents uttered might as well have been a death sentence; “Take up the trash cans”. Billy usually didn’t mind taking down the trash cans but as the season changed, the days got shorter and colder, the leaves fell, and September became October, Billy  began to deplore this weekly chore. Billy’s long driveway snaked its way down a forested hill until it finally reached the distant street. Just the thought of what his job entailed filled him with dread.

Billy hated fall; he hated how the trees skeletal branches seemed to block out all light, despite not a leaf remaining on the long spindly branches jutting into the sky. He hated the strange shadows that lurked at the edge of his driveway. Once he reached the bottom he had to bring up both garbage cans, but Billy was a big boy he could do it. Dusk was already fading away to night as Billy began his perilous trek down the hill

He was now almost a third of the way down the hill, In the wind the tree branches tried to swipe  at him their tall dark forms looming over him ominously in the overcast, moonless sky. He was just over halfway down, he had come too far to turn back now. Tendrils of fear began to reach out from the encroaching darkness, causing Billy quickened his pace. Fear beginning to course through his veins he suddenly remembered his father's comforting words; “Don't be afraid of the dark Billy, it can't hurt you”. Billy was three quarters of the way down now, his father's words giving him the courage he needed to finish the job. Billy was going to prove to himself that the dark was nothing to be scared of that it couldn’t hurt him. Billy confidently walked down the hill reciting his mantra; “I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of the dark”. Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw movement obscured by the treeline. The familiar feeling of fear began to return but the bottom was in sight!

Billy entered into the dim light the street lamps provided,still reciting his mantra. He grabbed both garbage cans and started walking back up the hill dragging both cans behind him, ignoring the shadows skirting around the edge of the light. He chanted to distract himself from the increasing fear he felt with every step away from the safety the street lamps in the cul de sac had provided. “I am not afraid of the dark! I am not afraid of the dark! I am not afraid of the dark!” he defiantly shouted to the enveloping darkness. Billy was a quarter of the way up the hill when he heard the sound of twigs snapping and leaves crunching to his right. He turned and was shocked to briefly glimpse two glowing yellow eyes in the distant woods.

Billy froze in place unsure of what to do. He quickly mulled over his options. He could run but then his father would be disappointed in him and tell Billy he was to old to still be afraid of the dark. Besides what if the yellow eyed monster heard him running and chased after him? Billy decided to think out the situation logically like his dad would. There was no such thing as monsters so the yellow eyes must belong to an animal. It could not be deer they were light and quiet on their feet and the thing had made a lot of noise, It could be a racoon or maybe even a coyote, either way as long as he stayed away from the creature he would be fine. He continued walking up the hill and reciting his mantra; “I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of the dark”. A shadow darted across the driveway. Billy mistook it for a trick of the light until he realized there was no light to cast it, the comforting glow of the streetlamp far behind him. Billy fear growing in his heart chanted his mantra; “I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of the dark”. Twigs snapped and leaves crunched on all sides of him. Billy was over halfway up the hill and walking as fast as he could with the two cans dragging behind him he recited; “I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of the dark. I am not afraid of the dark”.

In seemingly all directions shadows and figures flitted about. the fear that had never been completely absent from Billy suddenly returned in full force. Billy was petrified held hostage by his imagination. The only thing that kept him from abandoning the cans and running was sheer determination and his mantra. “I am not afraid of the dark.” Movement to his left- no now to his right- the sound of footsteps in front of him. “I am not afraid of the dark” Mysterious shapes on all sides Billy had to try his best and ignore it if he hoped succeed. Adrenaline temporarily displacing  fear he shouted; “I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK!”

Billy heard something moving almost directly behind him, shadows danced and darted in the corner of his vision, disappearing before he could look directly at him, like a ocular game of whack-a-mole. Dark figures watched him from the tree line, the forest was studded with hungry glowing yellow eyes. Billy was almost all of the way up the hill almost screaming his mantra, his voice muffled by the thick blanket of darkness. “I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK! I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK! I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK!” Billy had just a little further to go before he could return to the safety and comfort of his home. He silently prayed for the courage to complete his task. There was movement all around him, strange figures and shapes jutted around him. Billy was almost in a dead sprint the empty garbage cans banging and trailing behind him. Billy screamed at the top of his lungs “I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK! I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK! I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK!”

He could see his house just ahead. To Billy the house was an oasis in a desert of darkness. Finally he reached the top of his driveway and dropped off the cans, Billy had done it! Billy’s fear dissipated. The glowing eyes disappeared, the shadows faded away, the trees lost their animosity, and the footsteps and movement had ceased, all were confined back into Billy’s imagination. Trudging forward like a weary soldier, a veteran of the darkness he reached the porch. Turning to face the once threatening darkness “I AM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK!” he exclaimed triumphantly. He turned back and all the sudden he fell in a flash of blinding pain, clutching his ravaged shoulder in agony the claws ripped out chunks bloody of jk hyper realistic flesh jk. From behind him a low raspy voice responded, “Well you should be afraid of what's in it.”