Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24776950-20170704222458/@comment-32461413-20170705023237

I think the idea of a figure stuck in a loop is brilliant. The problem is that this loop needs to be clear. You should parallel more between the man and driver. One way you could go about achieving this is by adding description to the man running onto the road such as describing the tiredness and the minor injuries. More description would definitely help this piece out.

More description overall. Beef up your diction choices and be sure to avoid weak words such as "very." "Very" is a word that is so overused that it loses its meaning.

Overall with some serious editing, I think you have something. I like the idea.