Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30891328-20170211203631/@comment-30891328-20170215190531

EmpyrealInvective wrote:

HDhunter360 wrote:

Thanks, but there are a few questions you need to be asking but aren't. For ex: What did the gas masked man say to Jerry?, or, Where did the creature come from?, or, What dose it want with the college kids? Those are the things I really need you to focus on.

P.S

You spelled rumor the same way I did. Starting with the essentials, I don't care about those things because you have failed to present interesting characters or an involving scenario so why would I ask them?

"What did the gas masked man say to Jerry?" It doesn't really matter as Jerry couldn't understand it and the entity doesn't repeat the same message to the protagonist so why should the audience care about what it said if it has absolutely no bearing on the plot. I'm not going to spend the entire time wondering how it talked without a mouth if it has absolutely zero influence on the plot.

"Where did the creature come from?" You didn't bother to build a back story for the creature so instead I assumed you just threw a generic gas mask monster into a rushed plot and called it good. You need to do more if you're hoping to create an interesting/well-written story.

"What dose (sic) it want with the college kids?" You gave no indication or intention on the part of the entity so that question is null. If you want us to psychoanalyze the creature's machinations and intentions, you're going to need to put in a lot more work and give us something to go on other than spooky appearances in a dorm and a lack of a face.

As for the spelling of 'rumor', Yeah, the spellcheck actually auto-corrected it to the right version when I copy/pasted it here (which kind of says something if you're still spelling it wrong i.e. please use a spellcheck). Please try harder. Hold on! Don't you think that's a little rude and narrow minded? You are saying, "I don't care what you or others want me to be focusing on!", that makes you intolerant.