Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27805653-20160331233034/@comment-25763427-20160405160928

You need to work on the pacing. The story is too quick in some parts but needlessly dwells in others. I think it would be better if the protagonist identifies his father immediately. Then the creature can run after him, and his father can take control right before he kills it.

I suggest you remove the part with the guitar, that doesn't serve too much of a purpose. Keeping his father at regular size, but perhaps with waterlogged skin and vacant eyes. Making him huge doesn't make him more intimidating, as you don't dwell very long upon his appearance. Orange eyes and multiple rows of teeth both, as well, are slightly cliche. It is your monster design, but I suggest you go for something more subtle yet distinct.

The letter at the end makes no sense and removes any dread to be had from a man tortured by spirits. You don't want confirmation in your horror story, you want vagueness. Most fears derive from the unknown.

You will also want to work on the end. As is, it's kind of weak.