User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: I AM THE JOKER

When it comes to superhero Creepypasta stories, the superhero who I've Riffed most is Spider-Man. This is partly because I have an unhealthy and borderline psychotic obsession with the character, and also because I really can't find other Creepypasta stories on other heroes. Which is weird, especially when you consider that Batman exists, and is a much better subject for a Creepypasta story. Why I am saying all of this? Because I found a Batman Creepypasta story. So, let's pretend we have throat cancer and Riff this bitch.

This is my first attempt at a Creepypasta, please try to leave feedback. Oh, trust me, I will.

Me and my friend were playing Batman: Arkham Origins, and I'd just loaded it up. ''The first four words are grammatically incorrect. Well, this is going to be fun.'' The screen seemed...darker than usual, and a funeral march was laying in the background. That funeral march was for Batman’s parents. I guessed it must just be a stupid game glitch. Oh, you’re so naïve. I continued my story. But it started up a new game. "I thought you said you'd completed it?" He said. ''He? Who’s he? Your friend? Batman? Who?'' "I have!" I replied. I then spawned in a dark room. I tried to move but I couldn't. Such exciting gameplay! The light flooded in as the Joker opened a door and strode in. "Hello, Bats." “Why so serious?” He said in his usual Joker voice. He picked up a toolbox from a table and opened it. He pulled out a chainsaw and the sharpest machete I'd ever seen. Because a chainsaw fits in a toolbox. He removed Batman's mask and armour, ''I call shenanigans. I’m pretty sure Batman would find a way to prevent that. Hell, he was able to prevent his mask from getting removed in the Dark Knight.'' and then his clothes, until he was completely naked. Umm…is this getting into yaoi territory? "What is this?" My friend asked. THIS IS SPARTA!

"I love a good torture!" Joker said. He took the chainsaw and made a huge cut down Batman's chest. ''Shame on you, Joker. That’s not torture; that’s brutal murder.'' He screamed and his intestines slipped out. He then cut off his arms and legs and Batman screamed much louder. Because Batman is totally able to scream when his intestines are slipping out of his body. I went to turn my Xbox off but when I pressed the button, Joker said,"Ah ah ah, no skipping!" And burst into laughter. I would make some comment about fourth-wall breaking being Deadpool’s thing, but this is the Joker, so I’ll let it slide. He then stuck 2 fingers in Batman's blood and painted on his face “a penis.”, "NO ESCAPE." He sliced off Batmans head and held it up to the screen. He burst out in laughter and his laugh started to turn satanic. –sigh- In that evil voice, he said," I am the Joker!" No, really? My Xbox suddenly shut off.

I looked it up on Google and found one thing. “Porn.” Everyone who had exerienced this was found dead with their limbs removed, intestines gone and beheaded. Each head read 'NO ESCAPE'. ''Why? Why the “no escape thing”? Are you going to explain this, or...?''

I can hear that evil laugh every day and every night. “It’s quite a turn off when I jerk off.” I know he's coming for me. Remember this, Never play Batmahjehjhjdfuhj dfucvuj bdsdse I don’t think I’ll have that problem, since I doubt Batmahjehjhjdfuhj dfucvuj bdsdse is a real game.

THERE IS NO ESCAPE BUT THERE IS A CAPS LOCK KEY, AS YOU OBVIOUSLY KNOW.

Whenever I think of a bad and cliché haunted game Creepypasta, something like this pops in my head. The spelling and grammar is pretty bad, the "no escape" thing is never explained, things happen that make no sense, and Joker is acting a bit out of character. Now, that last part might be weird, but hear me out. I personally think that the Joker will never kill Batman, even if he's able to. He considers his fights with Batman a game, and seems to enjoy them. If he kills Batman, the game ends. The Joker needs Batman. Granted, that theory can be thrown out because it's a haunted game Creepypasta and characters act differently in them, but whatever. Point is, this story sucks, even as a first attempt. (By the way, "It's my first Creepypasta" isn't a good excuse when you make something this bad and cliché. If the story isn't perfect, or has some errors, that's one thing. But when you can't spell and your story has more holes in its plot than cheese, then "It's my first Creepypasta" isn't an excuse)

So, what do you think? Am I too harsh? Was the Riff good? Do you wish the Joker would come, cut off my limbs, decapitate me, and writer "No escape" on my forehead? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.