Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20190725084302/@comment-35711173-20190726084508

Bloody Spaghetti,

Thank you for the review. I really appreciate the help.

There's an inner back story to all stories. Let me first summarize what I had in my head.

Jessica was a normal girl in Los Angeles with a normal life and job who was picked up by a psycho Uber driver. The driver locked her in a "White Torture" dungeon under a mushroom farm in Riverside. Everything is polished metal and brilliantly lit and the only sound is the white noise from the air conditioning. Her torturer makes her act as if he were God. I never decided whether or not he also fed her magic mushrooms.

Over some years, she completely cracks and buys into what the voice on the loud speaker says. She is dead. This really is Heaven and she is in her mansion in Heaven. Her purpose is to provide sex for God. She is delusional from sensory deprivation, crippled by depress, subject to frequent panic attacks, and is completely mentally unhinged. If the booming voice tells her that she has been there for a thousand years, she believes it.

Eventually, this "God" dies of a heart attack during sex. No more food. She eventually eats "God" and then a fellow kidnapping victim that she had interpreted to be a demon.

When the power is finally cut off because our dead kidnapper isn't paying the electric bill, her delusions and natural guilt over cannibalism tell her that she is now in Hell. This Hell is reinforced by her cell roasting in the Summer heat. Eventually, she dies.

Now that you know where I thought she was going, perhaps you can help me get there. In one of our chats, I asked whether I'd do better to introduce her during her normal life and show her kidnapping or just jump into the kidnapped state. You advised jumping into the already kidnapped state. I've still got that intro. It's around 500 words. Should I bring part of it back?

I had consider resolving the whole thing by having the new purchaser of the mushroom farm find the torture complex in an unused barn. Is that too much? Would it help?

The one thing in your review that confuses me was when you said that there were sentences in all caps. I had "DO NOT DUPLICATE" as a phrase on a key. Is that what you are referring to? It's common on keys issued to you.

Thanks again!

Dr. Bob