Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26050841-20150205105816/@comment-25226524-20150207002434

I'm going to point out some issues below by typing what you have and putting my suggestions after it.

First off, you need to put a PM after your times.

Any living thing would be in shelter. - Any sane person would be seeking shelter.

I was still a two - I was still two

4 miles ago. - four miles ago.

legs felt like snapping in half - legs felt like they were going to snap in half

about a fourth of a mile down - about a quarter mile down.

The screech that made me want to rip my ears off. (I don't know what you should say here, but that sentence is no good.)

larger branch - larger branches

coming towards my direction - coming towards me OR coming in my direction

anything that could useful. - anything that could be useful.

9 feet tall. - nine feet tall.

Rhyperior from Pokemon (I would take this out due to pokemon pastas being blacklisted, plus it's never a good way to describe something by saying it looks like another character.)

eye bloodshot - eye was bloodshot

pupil was black (I would do something with this because all pupils are black, so saying this is redundant.)

Ok, I am going to stop there because there are a lot of issues. I see some potential in your imagination, but I think you need to do some more reading and practicing before you can make this story work. You need to learn how to describe things a little better and how to make a story flow properly. The ambiguous ending doesn't really make any sense, so you need to think of an alternative. I wish there were some more positive things I could say, but I have to be honest and tell you that I think you need to keep practicing as I said before. If you really want to write, you will get better, you just have to stick with it. I would suggest studying other stories from the Suggested Reading Category for one thing, and also read the writing advice under the Community tab at the top of the page. I hope this helps. Keep writing.