Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26437574-20150926010817

Ok I am a new writer with all my attempts failed and I Finnaly found this place I need some help can someone tell me what's wrong

Note: this took me 40 minutes to tell in real life

on October 7 2015 a class went to camp Muskoka. They went on the bus they noticed the bus had tears in every seat three students Joesph Adrian and George sat down on their assigned seats. Adrian noticed a paper stuck in one of the seats tears it said "Do not go to camp Muskoka they are hiding something it will..." The rest was covered in blood thinking this was a joke they through the note away in a old rusty garbage bin on the bus. when they arrived at camp Muskoka the whole place was run down the sign with a mysterious scratch on it they were disappointed for all the money they spent on that garbage after doing 4 of an 18 course activity course because the rest of the courses were mysteriously destroyed. In their sleep George woke up and heard scratching and footsteps lightning revealed a shadow figure holding a knife scratching the window near the door George couldn't go back to bed lightning struck again revealing the creature scratching with his knife at the door window he heard a sound of metal breaking the door cracked open and with self defense George tackled the figure realizing he went though it lightning struck a lone tree it reveled the figure walking towards him. George didn't know what to do his legs got stuck in the mud the figure was closer before he knew it the creature was infront of him the creature stabbed him in the stomach and then mutilating his body not allowing him to die then... It slit his throat. The next day the camp counselors found his body outside the camp Muskoka cougar lodge.

Chapter 2 the death of Kristen

The remaining two friends were sad about thier lost friend but they met a new friend called Kristen they went to the dining hall to eat the garbage food this not so great camp had to offer they found footprints all over the camp Kristen said he smuggled in his iPhone which had a data plan and he could call for help. The call failed no connection they had no choice but to go to bed in that dreaded cougar lodge before he went to bed he got a mysterious connection to the Internet he looked up on he internet camp Muskoka cougar lodge he found out that a brutal murder had taken place outside cougar lodge and the woman's sport still haunts cougar lodge she only has power outside unless given power by the devil itself which it is not. He tried to go to sleep. At 12:00 pm he heard scratching and footsteps he turned on his light and saw the creature scratching a message into the window it said "come out or else" unfortunate Kristen was tired and stupid and was tricked into going outside a tree caught on fire the creature walking toward him he was trapped in some dark goo the creature confronted him he couldn't scream he faced the same fate as George this time a ringing sound from an unknown source woke up everyone in the lodge they looked at the door one message come out or else every went out except the remaining friends and a teacher the door was locked from the outside they couldn't see the shadow figure only everyone stuck and getting killed by what looks like Nothing they called the teacher the same thing happened they found 2 shining diamonds under a previously bolted down floor board they were almost half a palm sized and not too big enough to make a fist around they went outside and didn't get stuck until the creature ran toward them too fast to escape over the horizon they could see sunlight the diamonds started glowing and two beams of pure light struck the creature shattering it to pieces  before they disappeared.the two friends had a sleepover to talk about their past friends when a terrible scratching noise was heard the shadow figure had been revived and empowered by the devil it broke the window and the radio started playing a voice "I got you now"  they ran out of the house the creature on their tail until they were corned the started praying to every known God and all of a sudden a beam of godly light came from the sky killing the shadow figure it was never seen again and the two friends finally learned the truth. Without the figures curse camp maskoka quickly found the money to repair the place and make it better and it is now a always busy attraction.

Note: I know it was a good ending pasta but this is because I got sick of all the bad ending pastas out there hope you enjoyed. 