Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26242189-20170811025843/@comment-32461413-20170811171631

I really enjoyed reading this. You clearly have some writing ability. I do however have a few notes for improvement.

In terms of mechanics, my only critiques are albeit nitpicky, but something to help out a bit here. You use the word "tendril" twice. It is an uncommon word and stands out when you use it. Therefore, I would only use it once, otherwise it calls too much attention to itself.

You also beggining many of the paragraphs with "I" I know I'm being nitpicky again, but it would be more interesting to vary up your introductions.

My biggest concerns are with the story; there are many loose ends.

What exactly is happening? The story is pretty abstract at the end, this may be your intention, but for the most part the story is realism. I don't get the impression that the story is abstract until the end. If this is the route you were going, I would incorporate more of that throughout the story so the reader can excuse the whacky scenarios.

In terms of what is happening, there isn't really an explanation for any of it. For instance, what exactly is the protagonist? It clearly isn't human. The way the story ends, it doesn't give us resolution to what the MC is. Now, you don't have to explicitly say what it is, rather make suggestions. Part of me feels that it is an insect, while the other part of me feels that it is an alien. Aliens and insects are quite different, so I suggest narrowing down the possiblities more so there aren't two conflicting ideas. Another area of confusion is kid inside. Why was he on the ceiling? What was he planning on doing to the MC? Why was the MC even bothering him in the first place? Questions such as those can be distracting. There needs to be some resolution to these questions. Again, you need not explicitly say why, rather include clues that help the reader make the connections. Some stories are built on mystery, and I would say that you strove for the same thing, however clues make mystery stories great.

I would say my last point is the biggest aspect holding the story back. Otherwise, I enjoy your description that you use and the way you build the setting. I think your story with some revisions, will be received pretty well. My biggest suggestion is to go back and add some hints throughout the story, possibly foreshadowing as well. Especially have motives and really resolve the story at the end. The way it ends now leaves the audience hanging.