Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28060931-20190519221956/@comment-9041013-20190521164519

Tbh it's not that bad, but then again it's not as epic as the register tries to imply. It's an alright piece.

The plot's fine, the register doesn't seem to fit (unless you were trying to make your main character an Ed Kemper-like guy who speaks as if he's a part of the royal family). Millenials (early eighties to early ninties) don't tend to be that polite and soft spoken.

My personal issue with this is how this is incredibly tropey and somewhat predicatable:

"Main character is abused"

"Main character looks for redemption/cure"

"Main character appears to find some sort of redepmtion/cure in a "less civilized" place"

"Cure is some horror trope like a cult"

"Cult pretends to be anti-society while being a society" - Yay Anarchism?!

"Cult seems to weird for MC"

"Cult convices MC to join because of some broken weird philosophy"

"MC now is evil that he apparently always was, even though, he is in fact a product of abuse (or some other misfortune) very clearly."

I don't see the whole message of "utter freedom away from social restraints" where the whole point of the cult is to be a group of people who have a bunch of social restraints of their own hiding from the broader society due to more social restraints. The Joker would truly suit that "I am free from false notions", or at least come as close to it as possible, the cult here, they are far off from what they preach. They follow way too many structured, and silly rules for their own ideology to keep up with.

These are my thoughts on this story, it's alright, but not exactly unique or hugely outstanding, again for me.

The cult itself is nice, and plays on the thin line between the supernatural and the crazy hick group pretty well, so that's a plus.

I suppose you should just wait for more comments