Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26548430-20150713202605

''BEFORE YOU READ: This is my first-ever attempt at writing a creepypasta. I want to know whether this story has potential and needs fixing, could use some extra details and if so: what are they? And also, if you think the story should just be abandoned, please let me know and I'll chalk this one up as an early practice write. Please be constructive and, if this totally doesn't suck, enjoy.''

James had the itch. He had just came home from his friend Laurie’s house and as he settled into his comfy blankets, he wanted to fuck. He and Laurie had drank together, talked about boys they had had crushes on, smoked a bit of pot that Laurie had stashed under her bed, and watched some cartoons while eating a pizza they had ordered in advance to their debaucherous activities. Now, James was home, it was late, and he was feeling good. The only problem, was his itch.

There were little to no men in his town interested in him, or anybody but girls to be exact as it was a rather rural area. He had to drive for 20 minutes to get to the next town over and see any of his friends. Where James lived there was nothing but corn fields all around him and all there was in his little shit-hole town were a few places to eat, a rather crappy and nearly rundown grocery store, and a large church run by Pastor Kennedy.

The owner of said church, Pastor Kennedy, hated James’ guts. Hated them enough, in fact, to force James to go out of his way not to drive past the church and make sure not to make eye contact with him when he walked or drove by. James was so happy that all of his friends and any real civilization(other than his mother) was only twenty minutes away from Mr. Kennedy.

James wasn’t the least bit shocked by Kennedy’s hatred for him because his sermons always involved rants on the “evils of homosexuality”. James stopped going to church as soon as he turned 18(much to his mother's’ dismay) and never looked back. He knew that Pastor Kennedy knew he was gay. James had a boyfriend during his last two years of high school, and handful of kids from school went to that same church. It was no coincidence that about a month after him and his boyfriend Marvin started dating, the pastor had not said a single word to him. Every Sunday that James had attended church Pastor Kennedy would refuse to make eye contact with him and even went as far as to glare at him from time to time during the singing of hymns. James was always unsettled by this and was glad that he could finally stop attending church when he reached legal adulthood. He never understood why his mom, who surprisingly accepted James for his preference of men, forced him to go to church every Sunday only to be ignored, glared at and feel deeply awkward for a good hour or two.

James sighed in annoyance at the thought of church and brought his mind pack to the current problem at hand. The “itch” of sorts that resided in his pants. He had finally gotten a smartphone (instead of his previous piece-of-shit phone) just the night before and spent a few hours creating profiles for a few different dating sites with no luck. Most of his messages were from girls wanting to “turn him straight” or hit on him and all the ones from guys were creepy old men, weirdos and disgusting, usually fat fucks who probably were on there to take whatever they could get.

Not all girls were annoying or obnoxious of course, but he wasn’t interested in meeting girls, he had his best friend Laurie and most of the rest of his friends were girls. And besides, he was looking to get some himself some much needed man-meat. After awhile he gave up, took care of himself, played some video games for an hour or two(as he liked to do even more when intoxicated) and fell into a deep comfy sleep.

The next day, James didn’t have to go to work and spent the day accordingly. He poured some vodka into a Gatorade bottle that was about half-full of Gatorade and made plans to see a movie with his best friend Laurie and maybe have a bite to eat afterwards. They had seen the movie, a cool horror flick as James and Laurie were both fond of being scared. Especially when sharing some vodka before and during the first half hour of the film.

By the end of it, they both decided they were hungry and drove to the coffee shop. They talked for awhile, conversations were basically about the same thing every time, boys, parties, and fun trips they planned on taking together.

“Sooo, any luck with boys lately?” Laurie began as she sipped her tall mug of dark iced coffee “Or has your right hand got you on the old “ball and chain” still?”

“The latter.” James said as he sighed looking at his cell phone.

“Of couuursee, too bad Marvin’s out of the picture. I can’t say I’m too upset, I was pretty jealous of you myself.”, Laurie said and laughed.

James remembered his ex-boyfriend Marvin. The “ex” part existing becuase Marvin had moved all the way to California which was about a two day drive. He had thought they’d get married one day, that was until Marvin got together with some girl about a two months after moving.

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” James grumbled as he checked his emails and assorted social media sites.

When he looked at his Meetme.com profile he noticed that one of the many friend requests he had gotten since he had last checked them came from what looked like a handsome brown-haired guy. His picture in question looked like it was taken from a camera phone(read: not a fake Google Images picture used by a spam account), and in it was a close-up of the young man’s face. He was outside in a park or something, eyes wide open with his hand covering his mouth. His name was Brad Saint.

Intrigued and relieved to see someone that he had reason to meet, ironically enough, on MeetMe.com, James quickly clicked on Brad’s picture with his thumb to see his profile. James was surprised to see that he could maybe make it work. He didn’t respond to any of the barrage of weirdos and pervs plaguing his home page, he lived not 15 minutes away from Laurie and it said on his interests section that he enjoyed horror movies, partying and “blazing it up”.

“That last line is a tad bit lame,” James thought, “but I think I finally hit the jackpot this time.”

James quickly sent Brad an instant message saying:

“Hey, you seem really cool and you’re quite close-by and rather handsome. Would you like to meet up in the near future? :) ”.

He then put his phone in his pocket as he didn’t want to be rude to Laurie. They spent a few more hours at the coffee shop then James went home for the night eager to relax and maybe chat with Brad.

As soon as James got home he set his phone on next to the sink in the bathroom, grabbed a pair of underwear and a shirt to wear to bed and hopped into the shower. The fast flowing water hitting his face was really nice and hot, but not too hot to be enjoyable. The heat of the shower felt so much more pleasurable since it was merged with the heat of anticipation. James had purposely not checked his MeetMe messages to see if Brad had messaged him back. “It’ll feel that much better if he does,” James thought.

James quickly rushed into his room and comfily laid on his stomach on the bed wearing naught but a shirt and underwear(his pajama outfit of choice). He clicked open his phone and his eyes lit up. When he had looked at his inbox it read from Brad:

“Sure, would tomorrow work? You sure look cute btw.”

He became more excited to see that Brad was currently online(indicated by a green dot next to his name in the inbox) and quickly messaged him with:

“I’d love to. Any specific time tomorrow? I don’t have any plans for tomorrow myself.”

Why not 11?” typed Brad.

“11?” James thought to himself, “That’s a bit late but, I suppose that would be alright. He’s probably just a night owl like myself.”

“That’s fine, have ya got time to chat?”

“Nah, I’ve got to get to bed cutie.”

James was a bit upset by this but responded with a quick “Alright then :] 11 it is.”

Brad went offline about 5 seconds later.

James shut off his phone and quickly drifted off into a comfy slumber, eagerly anticipating the day ahead.

The next morning for James was spent painfully doing just about all of the ab and bicep workouts that he knew. While James didn’t have a bodybuilder’s physique, he definitely was no slouch. He was rather short and stocky, but in a good way: all-around big shoulders and arms with round(but not too round) biceps backed up by hard sculpted triceps. His chest was big but without any sag and he had just started to form abs. James’ mother always called him “The Eighth Wonder of the World” since he was so handsome and built yet cared nothing for all of the pretty ladies that swooned over him. If he were straight or even went both ways a little he would have had it made when it came to his ability to hit the sack. Instead, he was doomed until he moved somewhere else or at least went to college.

“But not tonight,” James thought.

He did a long, painful workout in the morning comprised of pull ups, every ab and core workout in the book(of which he made sure to gradually do throughout the day), and many different variations of curls with dumbbells and curl bars. This wasn’t his usual workout, but he wanted to look as attractive as possible for the long and fun night that he had waiting for him.

James smiled to himself on his way to the Denny’s that they had agreed to meet at earlier that day. He was on such a good mood because of how his day was going. James and his mother had watched a ton of Simpsons episodes on cable like they had done all the time when he was younger, he had managed to fit a nice run somewhere in there during the day, hung out with Laurie for an hour or two and met up with friends, and he even thought he saw Kennedy (whose presence was one of the main reasons he wanted to move out of town) smile at him as he accidentally drove by him at one point. He was actually starting to feel happy that Brad had wanted to meet so late. He was able to have a great day, the working out and interaction with everyone he cared about had made him feel like he was moving towards getting his life where he needed it: moving out, going to college, living on his own. The time with friends and constant productivity would probably start and keep up his good habits, and now that he was going to cure that terrible itch leaving his constant sadness over Marvin abandoning him barely in his brain.

He pulled up to Denny’s and was excited to see Brad sitting on one of the benches by the door of the diner. He was skinny, but not too skinny and he had a bit of muscle on him as well. James also thought Brad's face had looked more attractive in person than in the picture where his hand had hid his mouth(James was truly worried about his face just a bit before he had chosen to meet up.) James smiled at him from behind the driver side window and came out to meet him.. Brad shot him a cheesy smile, most likely out of nervousness, and approached James.

“Hey there,” James greeted.

“Hi,” Brad said in a surprisingly deep masculine voice that James found attractive.

Brad quickly started getting aroused purely due to how much of a good mood he was in, mostly. He was happy that things were looking so good. Nobody seemed to be out that night, it was quiet and the town looked liked something out of an 80’s movie. The streets were even wet like you’d see as it had briefly sprinkled earlier, and all the streetlights shone bright along with the few establishments still opened around the small oasis of stores in the suburbia they were in.

They were both quiet for a minute as it’s always a bit awkward at first when meeting people for the first time, especially for a blind hookup.

“We ready?” Brad asked.

He looked aroused but somehow, vaguely scared. James figured that it was just his nervousness that he too felt.

“Sure, lets take my vehicle, I feel like paying for gas,” continued Brad.

“That’s fine by me,” James said and smiled.

They walked around the building to the backside where there were no windows to see a nice, new looking, windowless black van. James figured that they may have to do the dirty deed in the van so he asked:

“You uhh, live with your parents or something?”

“Yeah,” Brad replied. “I hope you don’t mind, I made it nice and comfy in the back for us,” he said looking at the ground, expressionless.

James was only very slightest bit disappointed, as a house with a bed and shower and nobody to come in and interrupt the playtime would be more ideal. However, Brad was looking damn good to him at the moment and he had a sort of “tunnel vision” for fucking since it had been so long since his last time in the bedroom.

Brad had went around and hopped into the driver's seat and James in the passenger seat. His wallet with condoms in it pressed up annoyingly against his large, albeit muscled right thigh in his jean pocket. As he soon as he sat down he heard the click of the door lock and as he looked over his door a bag was over his head, the front of smothering his face. He lost his breath out of shock and wasn’t able to get it back as his face became more and more smothered against the thin, clear plastic. James frantically reached forward and, in a futile effort made harder by his large muscles, tried reaching behind him hitting his attacker’s hands and scratching them with no results. The last thing James remembered as he went under was a painful, sharp burning as Brad penetrated his left thigh with a needle and injected him with something.

As James came to, things got less and less blurry and his warm deep headache became a more prominent feeling in the back of his neck. James tried and failed to outstretch his arms and legs as he realized that he was sitting upright, and tightly tied, or rather tightly duct-taped to a rather large and fancy wooden chair.

His legs were open and my lower legs and forearms were tightly taped to the chair legs and chair arms respectively. James’ upper thighs and groin which were unclothed however, were left out. His (already fairly small) male member was all but inside himself out of fear and the rotting wood smelling chilled air that resided in the room along with another disgusting smell that he didn’t recognize.

James let out a weep as he quickly recalled the events leading up to him being here. As James looked around the best he could, all he could see was that the walls on either side of him were concrete and the wall in front him(which was about 10 feet in front of him) had a door on the far right with a dial(that he assumed controlled the lights) and a large circular red button next to it on the wall.

James’ felt like every inch of his body was buzzing ever so slightly, and inside his chest there was this horrible, horrible warm feeling. All he could do was try to choke out a cry and whimper. He felt what he instantly knew where fingers patting on his head one at a time after a palm landed on the top of it. James turned his head to the left as he noticed in his peripheral vision something move. It was an open hymn book resting on the left hand of whoever's right hand was patting his head. The man’s hand savagely grabbed into a good portion of James’ head hair and yanked backwards, hard. James screamed in pain as the man who he then realized was the town pastor Kennedy calmly and quietly said: “I’ve got you now, you fiend.”.

James began to cry and start babbling but a blunt and brute blow to the back of his head followed by the man’s “Don’t you speak to me in your Devil tongue you shit.”.

There were a few seconds of straight silence.

James heard the man as he threw the hardcover book violently at the wall and gave himself a barrage of smacks to what may have been his face or torso as he screamed frighteningly loudly at the top of his lungs.

James now somehow even more terrified and painfully paralyzed stared forward with his head forward as he shook in his sticky and tight restraint.

After doing this for a bit, the man breathed a sigh, muttered “Forgive me for the evil this sodomite brought out of my tongue.” under his breath and continued as he walked over and gently picked up the hymn book, wiping off whatever was on it.

“Lord, thank you for this supper that you have supplied for my son. May you someday change my son Elijah’s disgusting, devilish ways, and if not then I understand as it is your will to continue to use him as a personal portal to hell Lord, an angel of death that only lives to serve you in your eradication of the disgusting sodomites that have plagued this wonderful home you have given us to roam. May you bless the blood of this demon’s kind and also bless my wiser son Jason, who helps me in my journey, my journey to destroy these demons, and my journey to influence my misguided boy Elijah, by bringing him these creatures and may he one day transform into a normal man with your help, in Jesus name, Amen.”

James was completely numb and unable to move at this point.

“Jason must have been Brad’s real name,” Riley thought in his brain unable to feel anything but a cold, numb dread.

Kennedy walked in front of James looking down at him sternly, almost smirking at him with his face raw and pink from the abuse he had dealt to himself.

"My boy fooled you, he’s real good at that you know. For too long, you have disgraced my church with your presence, and now, you’re gonna be in the only place you belong.

James said nothing.

“You know I’ve always wondered, why the good lord didn’t finish the likes of you off in Sodom and Gomorrah, and then it hit me, the lord wanted to make his true followers stronger, especially by making my son one of ya. My poor boy Elijah, I know the lord will understand why I let him live on this earth, the lord knows that he makes me stronger as a man by having to deal with such a hardship, do you understand me, Demon?”

Again, James didn’t speak.

“No, no Jason, he wasn’t hungry for you. Nope. My boy Elijah behind ya however. He’s mighty hungry for you, but not in a way you’re gonna like.”

The burly Kennedy walked behind James, grabbed the chair by it’s sides, and in one swift movement whipped him around and scooted him forward.

Riley tried to scream the best he could after seeing what greeted him.

He was greeted with a face of a monster. Grinning at him was a pale, ripped and muscular man with a shaved head and cuts and scratches all over his face and the top of the head. He must have been in his 20’s. His eyes were a bluish-grey, and they stared at James with a hungry malice.

Each hand had a chain attached to the wrist, his forearms had some sort of metal coating over them accentuating the things’ veiny, bulging muscular upper arms.

James noticed that on each hand was a custom made glove that, on top of each finger was a slit that held a razor blade protruding from the top of it.

Behind Elijah the chains all connected to their own spool sticking out of the wall. The floor was concrete and wet with a red stain covering the entirety of it. It looked like a road after being rained on heavily for over 20 minutes. A small drain resided in the middle of the floor and there was a large blue plastic trash can filled with bones in the far left corner. Next to the disposal on the wall was a hose neatly rolled up on a plastic spool connected to the wall.

James heard Kennedy walk towards the door behind him. He chuckled as he dimmed the lights all the way, pressed a button on the wall that made an audible click, and he heard the chains clank for a moment as Elijah lunged towards him in the dark. 