Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26818406-20150729060902

A story of mine was resently taken down, and i wanted to know if somone could please exaplain what was wrong with it. I think it got taken down because it was unoriginal in a sence, but if somone could read this and explain my problems, that would be great.

Story

It was a warm night in July; the air was pushing through the tall evergreens around my house that stood in the middle of a neighborhood in the Washington forests. My boyfriend Mason and myself had been dating for months, in which enveloped us into the idea of him sneaking out, climbing into my window that positioned itself two story’s above the soft grass of my house. Mason had always had the idea of coming over sometime but I knew my parents would never agree to something as silly as letting a guy over and then letting him sit in my room. He was a tall guy, 6 feet, broad shoulders, dark black hair that let its self-down in a sort of melancholy way that set his personality with it just the same. We’ll on my hand I was a short girl at 5’ 3, with slim shoulders and brown hair that was as short as his, but fluffy.

           The night flew on as he left his house on the otherside of the neighborhood at   1 Am. We had sent   text messages to each other saying

Mason:   “I’ll see u soon my Elizabeth.”   1:02 Am PST

Me: “see you soon.”   1:05 Am PST

Mason:   “;) <3 “1:06 Am PST

           Not soon after 15 minutes half asleep I started to gain a fear that he lost his way to my house, but then I started to hear a faint step and drag ring throughout in the neighborhood. I had jumped up in my bed half asleep to slit back on my window looking out, waiting for him. That’s when I saw my phone buzz twice with the flash of my screen.

Mason: “Hey dear, I’m lost. Which house is it again? What’s the address?”   1:17 Am PST

           I had thought this weird as he knew where I lived, I wrote it on a piece of paper, texted it to him many times and had used a sharpie to write it on his forearm. Yet as I am I laughed off my suspicion and played a cruel trick on him, giving him the address for the house next door, in which lived an elderly couple who never really talked to us much.

Me: “463 Long way, the white house with a grey roof. Don’t you remember silly?” 1:25 Am PST

Mason: “Ha-ha, I’m sorry; I’m very forgetful you know this love.”1:32 Am PST

Me: “I’ll see you soon then.” 1:30 Am PST

Mason: “;).” 1:30 Am PST

           Soon after I sent my text the dragging, walking sound seemed to start up again. This made me tense up with excitement as I knew it was him. The images of us talking and watching the midnight stars danced in my mind as sugar does on a young child’s tongue for the first time making my stomach fly up to my chest and wrap up in butterfly’s. Minutes passed and the dragging got louder making the footsteps seem nonexistent. This crushed my hopes and filled my mind with images of an animal in pain or something worse. Yet my fears had been replaced with relieve as the dragging stopped, and not five minutes after I got a message from him.

Mason: “I’m almost there ;)” 1:47 Am PST

Me: “Well hurry your wasting moon light MR.” 1:48 Am PST

           After my text I started to hear the dragging again making me think he must have hurt himself. Another few minutes passed to hearing his drag, drag, drag, and then a soft step, as if he was trying to be quiet but couldn’t I started to see a dark figure turn the corner of the street. Jumping back onto my windows brim my legs swinging out, my heart pumping and a smile on my face I looked closer to the stature. He was dragging something behind him that left a trail of some…   Liquid… behind the thing he dragged on the sidewalk. Finally when he came into the street light my heart crashed and fell into a million pieces. It wasn’t him carrying a body, it was a tall hunched back monster, with long sharp finger nails that where stuck into the body like knifes. The monster seemed to have trouble carrying the body and as a resort dragged it behind its self-showing its arms where extendable. I’m a fear I didn’t dare move but I couldn’t then think of what the creature could possibly be dragging behind. I waited till it was out of view, back towards me trees blocking its view to me; Very shortly after, I got a text from my boyfriend’s phone number.

<p class="MsoNormal">Mason: “I’m here beautiful, where are you?” 2:03 Am PST <ac_metadata title="A story that needs your reviews..."> </ac_metadata>