Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26344151-20151123134114/@comment-26344151-20151124105231

Okay, so I've taken your feedback and made some changes to the story, I hope it's at least a bit better now :)

19th of March, 1996. That’s when this story begins. Todd was in school, not paying attention, as usual. He was just drawing random lines in his notebook. He didn’t know why. Whenever he was daydreaming, he started drawing random things without even realizing it. The things he drew used to make him a bit uncomfortable sometimes, depending on what he drew. He once drew a monster, for example, that seemed to be staring directly at him. But his father had told him that it was just a drawing, and it couldn’t do him any harm, and he believed that. He was quite good at drawing, and he enjoyed it too. Art class was the only class he actually paid attention in. The lines he was drawing currently began taking the shape of a dinosaur, which didn’t even have anything to do with the daydream he was having. As a matter of fact, dinosaurs didn’t even interest him. Neither did any other type of animal, really. He didn’t care that much about nature. Or technology. Or anything aside from drawing, really. Drawing was his life.

When classes ended, Todd left the school. It was rather hot for the time of the year, but he refused to wear shorts, since he wasn’t too proud of his feminine looking legs. As a result, he was sweating a little bit. He looked at some birds fighting over a bunch of breadcrumbs. He wondered why they couldn’t just share them, since there was obviously more than one breadcrumb there, and the old man sitting on the park bench behind them probably had more, judging by the bag he was holding. He shrugged and continued to make his way home.

When he got home, Todd almost dragged himself up the stairs. He was rather tired, as he usually was after a school day. Once he was in his room, he threw his heavy bag filled with schoolbooks on his bed and plumped down in the chair at his desk. He looked at the piles of homework and just tossed it on his bed with the other school stuff. He never cared to do his homework, he had better things to do. He grabbed a sheet of paper and started drawing randomly. He wasn’t daydreaming, he just didn’t know what to draw, so he drew something random. He started with a head. It was a bit less round than most human heads. More like, octagonal. He then drew a torso, rectangular in shape. He continued like this for a while until he felt satisfied. The figure he had drawn was completely made out of blocky shapes like rectangles, triangles and octagons. It was quite a strange thing to see. Todd tossed the paper to the side and started drawing something different. While drawing, he began to daydream, and started drawing randomly again. After about 15 minutes, he snapped out of his daydream and looked at his drawing.

He himself didn’t even know what he had drawn. Usually when he was daydreaming he drew something he knew, But this thing didn’t seem familiar to him. It was a human, he could definitely make that out. It appeared genderless, and from the looks of it,  it’s skeleton was backwards, and it’s skin was inside out. You could see its ribs wanting to rip through the skin on its back. The bones that were supposed to be inside its feet were protruding from its heels, and the skin that was supposed to contain them was just empty. Its eyes were blank, no irises or pupils, just plain white eyes, and its teeth appeared to be a canine’s. Todd felt rather strange while looking at the drawing. He knew his dad had told him drawings were just drawings. But this one felt so… real. He put the drawing in the trash and went to the kitchen to get a drink, still feeling a bit uncomfortable about that weird thing he had drawn.

That night, Todd was sleeping peacefully. He made a soft snoring noise, very different from his dad, who sounded like a chainsaw in his sleep. He muttered something, not noticing that his trash can fell over and a sheet of paper crawled out like a caterpillar. It crawled under the bed and stayed there, unmoving. At around 3 AM, Todd woke up. He got out of bed and looked around the room. Something felt off here. As if he wasn’t alone. He shivered and went to the bathroom, not noticing the blank eyes staring up at him from under the bed, and the shiny set of teeth right below them. When he came back, he noticed that his trash can had fallen over. He put it back upright and then held back a scream as he felt something wrapped around his leg.

He looked down and saw the drawing of the inverted creature. He frowned and tried to take it off, failing. He suddenly fell to his knees, holding on to his head as a massive headache quickly built up

 “Do you remember me?” a voice in his head asked, as the drawing on his leg slowly turned into a claw.

“No! Who are you?” Todd replied.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;line-height:107%;mso-ansi-language:EN-US">“You do remember me” the voice said. <span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;line-height:107%; mso-ansi-language:EN-US">It was a high pitched, but still masculine sounding voice. an arm was now growing out of the hand, making an almost tree like sound.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;line-height:107%;mso-ansi-language:EN-US">Todd shook his head wildly “No! I don’t remember you! Who are you?” he was currently trying to get the hand removed from his leg.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;line-height:107%;mso-ansi-language:EN-US">“We’ve met before” the voice said, seemingly not even listening to what Todd said, as more and more of the creature became visible. “Yes, definitely, we’ve met before” the voice said, a bit more certain sounding than before.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;line-height:107%;mso-ansi-language:EN-US">The creature was now completely manifested, it’s blank, white eyes giving off a dull glow. “Turn around if you want to meet me again” the voice said. Todd didn’t turn around “Turn around if you want to live” the voice said now, in a more annoyed tone. Todd still didn’t move. The hand suddenly let go from Todd’s leg. Todd still sat there, unmoving, his eyes shut tight. He heard the floor next to him creak, than the floor in front of him. He felt the creature’s eyes staring at him. He heard his heart beating. Or was it the creature’s? he couldn’t tell. He felt the creatures cold breath in his face, before hearing the window open, but not making any move to close it

<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;line-height: 107%;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"TimesNewRoman";mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi; mso-ansi-language:EN-US;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;mso-bidi-language:AR-SA">After almost 30 minutes, when he was certain it was safe, he opened his eyes and looked at the window. It was still wide open. He looked out of it to see if there was something still out there. He didn’t notice anything, so he closed the window and went to bed again, assuming that he was safe. In the dark alley across the street, the creature from his drawing was looking up at Todd’s window “You remember me. You always remembered” the creature turned around and shambled to the other side of the alleyway “Everyone does” it said simply, before turning into a drawing again and flying away with the win