Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-40022501-20190712212238/@comment-9041013-20190713100046

Well it's a cute little story you got here.

First you've got to fix your english, your punctuation is all over the place, you've mistaken words a few times, forgot words too. Nothing too serious, but you've to fix it.

As for the plot, why would the FBI deal with cryptids? Why would they go and search for an Alaskan guy to hunt in a swamp? I'm pretty sure people who hunt for Alligators or whatever can be just as good of a trackers for the swamp. Also, I doubt FBI agents introduce themselves with "special agent something" or hire Cryptozoologists.

The setting is kind of off, I'd say, I mean, I hardly believe this whole FBI schtik; maybe go for some private hunting company or a bounty hunter gig. Keep the government out of it because it just requires you use actual governent related terminology and processes and what not. You can't exactly come up with stuff for that.

Also; the insistence of Sarah not to hurt the 8 foot ape is kind of silly, I mean; it could just murder her because she's encroaching on its territory. So instead of "don't shoot", you should've gone the route of either giving your team tranquilizers in an amount sufficient to put an elephant to sleep during the second encounter or let them wound the thing by shooting at its legs.

All in all, this needs some work and it could be a pretty chill piece.

Remove the last sentence however, don't ever put this in your stories... What you're doing here isn't a youtube storytime video.