Talk:A Figure in the Fog/@comment-25052433-20150417190727

Well, let me start off by saying that as far as grammar goes, this is possibly the best example of doing it right that I have seen in a while. While I am sure there may be a couple errors, I certainly didn't notice any.

As for the story, this was an excellent adventure story that had a satisfying ending. The character development was done very well, and I really liked the way the bookended the story with the drunk father. You opened with him being a miserable drunk and ended much the same way. Nice effect there.

The action to plot ratio was blended very well. There was  a lot of dialogue here, but it moved at just about the right pace to keep the story fresh. It was enjoyable from start to finish.

The only critique as far as improvement goes would be directed towards the actual character dialogue. You wrote the characters to be kids, but in all honesty, you wrote their dialogue in a more adult speech style. It wasn't so much in what was said, but in how it was said. The characters sounded more like adults talking to eachother than kids, especially in the section where they are talking in Morgan's room.

Other than that though, this story was amazing and a real pleasure to read. Well done in both writing and execution.