Talk:June's Diary

some revisions
i fixed some of your paragraph issues. i don't have the time right now to break up some of the larger chunks, but I can quickly say that your story is on the the right track. However, there are three main issues I have with it.

1. No paragraphs.

2. Too many sentence fragments

3. important details being unexplained.

I read and reread it look for who the hell cathy was. I have no idea. The original narrator obviously knew her, as she was deeply affected by her death. Also, the narrator was really unnerved by seeing her. Whatever the connection is between these two it is too important to leave out.

There are a few other areas like that were I was confused because a sentence fragment didn't explain something or because the narrator just assumed I knew what she was talking about.

Danatblair (talk) 11:06, July 26, 2013 (UTC)