Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26268104-20151224205149/@comment-27485388-20151227202143

I do wish I had a bit more to work with, but I will give you my best advice. :)

1.) I wouldn't do the voice overs. It does sound a bit overdone, but I have a way you can still keep the little side comments in there. Make them all asides. An aside is where the character talks directly to the audience; but the other characters onstage act like they don't hear him, and continue doing whatever they were doing.

2.) Give a little background information. (I'm assuming this is for a film.) Make a voiceover telling a little bit about him while the characters are just going on with life. (I think you should make his name in the very beginning while he is waiting for the bus.) You could slowly zoom and focus on to him at the bus stop, and that would give time for a little bit of information so that we know more about the character.

3.) Indulge yourself into the main character. You want to think and feel like the character, and that will definitely help you build and create this screenplay. You should easily connect to the character, otherwise you will not know how to (my wording is terrible) make the character come alive in the screenplay.

4.) I've actually had my own screenplays critiqued by people who have taught theatre, or have published their own screenplay. I would continue taking advice from other people, but I would be careful about taking some of it to heart. Some of them have never read  a screenplay, or they aren't familiar with them, so they don't really know what to expect or look for. Most are probably used to the usually format: essay stories. Be extremely careful about taking advice from people who haven't seen a screenplay, or aren't familiar with them.

Good luck, I can't wait to come back and read the finishing touches! :) (: