Confinement

Author: Drin, L. P.

Note: Please, feel free to correct my text since english is not my first language.

I see myself. I see my disoriented eyes in the darkness. Like a lost child in the middle of a crowd of strangers. I know they are here, here with me. I don’t remember when it started. Maybe it’s because the first nights seemed like dreams. Dreams that were overlapped with reality. Like a drug that loses its effects as the time passes. Yes… And with time, reality intensifies. And with that, I realize that there are forms. Forms that’re passing by me. They dare increasingly as they won confidence. Now they are everywhere. I can’t really see them. I know. But I can feel them. Like someone feel the smell that precedes the rain. Yes, I can’t see them, but they are here. Here with me...

I see myself.

I see my eagerness and desperation to find out what they want from me. I see my answers prove to be unfounded. I try, in all forms, to understand, but I can’t. They don’t talk to me, but I know they are around. Watching, waiting, observing. Observing my sanity fading away as the uninterrupted nights of terror continues. They wish for it. They have fun with it. It is all just a game. They will not stop until my mind becomes empty, and fear dominates all of my senses. I know now there’s nothing worse than that, not even death itself. I don’ want to lose myself in their world. I don’t want to take this anymore. I want the reality, difficult as it may be. And so, I need to survive. Yes, I need to...

I see myself.

I see my legs running. I see that they are after me. They realized that I will not give in to their will. They realized that I would rather risk death itself to continue with this torture. They are holding me. I have no hope. I can’t see them. But they are holding me. My hands have been placed behind my back. I have blood all over my aching body. They are stronger than me. Larger. I will not have another chance. They had enjoyed themselves. They already got what they wanted. They have played with my body long enough for there was nothing left. There is nothing else to be done. I didn’t see them. But I saw myself. I saw my wrists been broken in half. I saw my torso contract during the aggression. I saw my last vein of strength dispersing in a weakened cry. I saw my jaw been broken and the puke of blood drip down from what was left of my mouth. I saw my own body be dropped on the ground...

I see myself.

I see myself the same way they left me. No tears to shed. ‘Cause there's nothing left inside of me. Only the horror of that memory. I only see myself and the torments that I went through. For I know that they didn’t wanted me to see them. I knew it from the start. When they placed a blindfold over my eyes.