Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25809221-20150228072807/@comment-25170312-20150301012802

This concept has been done to death. It also seems like you are rushing the story. He's alive for less than two hours and is already contemplating his existence. He already completely understand humanity and its motivations, and he already understands life and death and that he doesn't want to kill. That's just not believable. This part of the story should be the most important, yet you shoved it all into one conversation that took place far too soon.

Then there's the dialogue. It's pretty bad. A scientist that created a super intelligent robot wouldn't be so cold and aloof towards it. They would have been prepared for Adam's questions and have formulated more mature and comprehensive responses beforehand. The responses Dr. Vroman gives are not the responses of a scientist that created the most sophisticated AI in history.

Dr. Vroman treats Adam like he's nothing but a machine that was created to kill, then later he acts the complete opposite way when talking to Jacob. He even goes as far as to compare him to a child, and suggest taking him home and treating him like one. Oh yeah, great idea. The most intelligent robot ever created, that was also created to kill (again, great idea), is going to be your son? What a smart scientist! And how did he get that emotionally attatched after one conversation with a confused and angry robot?

There's also some grammar issues that I'm sure you'll catch if you continue to work on this. Right now it seems like one big cliche, but I don't know what you have in mind for the rest of the story. Just try to take it somewhere more original. I hope some of this helps.