Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29969337-20161010111449

Hi guys,

My story was recently deleted from the Wikia due to quality standards by MrDupin.

I'm not here to complain about the decision, just wondered if somebody could give me some feedback as to how it fell short (and I don't want to pester any of the admins, they're busy enough!).

It follows below. Thanks!

Wrong

I thought the legend of the Bandersnatch was just a campfire story that the scout leaders told us for fun. I believed that a weekend getting back to nature together would be just what it took to put my relationship with Katy back on track. Surely there was no better place than the woodland of my youth for a romantic getaway. I really felt we could be saved. I thought a day’s hike beneath the sun-dappled leaves wasn’t too far from the road in the event of an emergency. The little clearing by the stream seemed the perfect place to pitch our tent. I honestly believed that she could forgive my mistakes, that it wasn’t too late. When the sun set, and the fire crackled, and the woods were still, I thought Katy would accept my proposal. Even after the tears had fallen and the sobs had subsided, I felt we could be saved. I believed that in the fresh light of day, things would seem better. I thought the noises outside the tent were just the wind through the trees. I didn’t believe that creatures like the thing that tore through our camp, with its twisted, gnarled legs, were real. I tried to reassure Katy after we fled, told her that everything would be ok. I never thought it would find us - I thought it would give up. Even in the dark, with that thing howling after us, I still believed that I’d find the trail and be able to escape the forest. I trusted in my vision enough to think I could spot its mottled brown hide among the trees. I thought I was strong enough to fight it off, that I could withstand its ferocity, those snapping teeth, its slashing claws. I never believed that something so unnatural, so… wrong, could be so powerful. I didn't think Katy would try to fight it too. When I saw the blood on her jacket, I thought we’d finally managed to hurt it. Then when the other campers came, six shouting, armed hunters, I thought we would be saved. I thought that men such as them, with their guns and their brawn and their bravery were a match for it. As we ran, I thought the screams of agony wouldn’t last long. I thought that with their lives, it might finally be sated. When it howled again, I told Katy we were safe, we were too far away, it would never find us. I thought those blazing yellow eyes would never seek us out beneath the dark sky. I told her that her wound was not as serious as it looked. I told her that that the gash in my side wasn’t life-threatening. When we found the mill, its decrepit frame lurching out of the darkness, the timbers creaking in the wind, I thought we might finally have found a place in which we could take refuge. I told Katy to rest by the wall while I barricaded the door, that she’d be safe there. I didn’t think it could get inside with us, didn’t believe that something with those malformed limbs, the contorted spine, those spidery fingers could climb. When it silently skittered down the wall behind her, I thought I’d screamed my warning to Katy in time. As I pulled us both into the store-room, I thought that she was still with me. I thought we were forever. I believed that after all those fruitless attempts to get at us, it would tire, or give up. I felt we could be saved. As I held her in my arms, kissed her grey cheek and told her how much I loved her, I thought Katy was just sleeping. I never thought I’d die alone. I think the bleeding from my side might have slowed a little. I really think I might be able to hold on until morning.

MisterStuff (talk) 11:14, October 10, 2016 (UTC) 