Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25180415-20140715033425/@comment-9967354-20140719102651

In my honest opinion, this pasta could use a bit of work. Mostly because, to me, it didn't have much story/content. Your attempt to build up a mystery by giving us little information about the narrator in every entry seems a bit weak. I do like the fact that you didn't beat about the bush when it came to the entries -you got to the point in the very first one. It can get hard to lead into the mystery from a normal setting. Sometimes, it simply sounds abrupt.

I wouldn't say this doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards, but it could do better. You should probably allow the plot to breathe a bit by leading away from it at times. Even so, what truly is the plot? The fact that the narrator is losing his mind and or turning into some sort of monster? I think this could use a few digressions -it's just too linear to be written in entries. It sounds like there is nothing else the narrator thinks about.

Also, please do explain the ending. To me it seemed rather abrupt; you changed your style of narration and then spoke in riddles.