Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32764586-20171214221911/@comment-32764586-20171223181757

Umbrello wrote: I enjoyed this quite a bit. You really captured that middle-of-the-night / everyone's asleep feeling. Creepy and heartwarming at the same time. There's still some grammar issues. Here's a line I think needs fixing:

His lips practically touched his ears and he leaned over her and sniffed her delicate blond hair.

It should probably be: His lips practically touched her ears as he leaned over her and sniffed her delicate blonde hair.

I think there was a missing period somewhere and another incorrect pronoun, but if you eagle eye it one more time you should find them.

My one suggestion: what if it was implied that the girl asked Santa to save her from her abusive father? Just a thought.

That's actually a pretty good idea, I think i'd like to try that. I've thought of two ways to implement that. Perhaps I could put it in subtly, or maybe I could write a note to santa in italics before the story begins. Thanks a lot!!