Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24859608-20140505145720/@comment-24077689-20140506173429

Your experiences don't matter. Clearly, you're basing this off your life, which is a great tool to use when writing. But this story, look at this story, as a reader I'm not going to consider that you, yourself, are an insomniac. That doesn't matter. You don't talk about your brothers and sisters in the story, you don't mention how old anyone is, you don't mention this being a true story. You don't mention a thing. It's just set up that way and you're expecting us to know all this?

What matters is that all the sudden your protagonist is an insomniac. And here on the creepypasta wiki that is a massively used trope. You make no introduction, you make no build up, your character is just all the sudden an insomniac.

Again, your friends being satanists is all fine and great, but you make no mention of it in the story. We're led to believe that the protagonist is just some everyday kid.

Granted, that carbon monoxide comment was my mistake, I apologize.