Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24161647-20140819165807/@comment-24381191-20140827111812

BetLock wrote: Just saying, but could you make the format more reader-friendly? What I mean is to change the font to a way smaller font(I suggest 12.5). Also split the paragraphs better.

---

Okay, on with the actual review. I did not read the entire story, but I do think you need a more interesting hook. There are a lot of grammer errors, capatalization errors, and more. It also switches from past tense to present tense, which is very disorientating for the reader. Tip: if any number is written and is ten or below, write it in words, not numbers. It looks more professional and neater that way, not to mention more natural. In total, you need to rewrite this and review it quite a few times, but the idea seems it is do-able. Please notify me if you do get this work finished, and if you could send it over to me so that I may read it. Thanks.

-BetLock- Don't forget it's rushed and badly written. Honestly, Jack, do you want me to rewrite this? My storytelling is not too bad.