Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26193563-20150622185523/@comment-25226916-20150622200545

The plot twist at the end was very predictable, and I'm not emotionally involved in any of this due to it being a mere 4 paragraphs in length. I would enjoy more character development and a lengthier story to get me emotionally involved in this story. Also, lose that plot twist. It doesn't make your story scary at all, and it's just a dull ending.

Overall, this story is bland and boring, with a bad ending and little character development. If you're gonna kill off a character in the story, at least make some attempt to get me to kinda care when he/she dies. A murder in itself the way that you pulled it off us like "Okay, dead character. Whatever." Either develop this character to the point of whether or not I care about her demise. Or just kill her out of the blue, shocking enough so that I want to see how this resolves.

Try something a little better. Change the idea a bit and work on the execution piece.