Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24976741-20140525150115

Hey guy I need feedback on this police report type of creepy pasta I made called "The Red Robber". This is the first time i've done a creepypasta like this so I wanted to know if I needed any types of improvements.

Hello, my name is Damian Gaven. I'm an assistant detective working for the the district 4 police station. I am currently working my way up to becoming a police force detective. My superiors have granted me that opportunity by testing my skills through writing and submitting a report on one of the latest cases that we have. Digging through multiple files I find one that catches my eye, which goes by the name of "The Red Robber".

Before starting the entry reports I have concluded that the Red Robber has only hit houses on the northeast streets of Denver, Colorado. The total amount of houses on that side including my own has been counted up to a total of 32.

10-4-2011 10:32 a.m.

The first report of the Red Robber had been traced back to this date only about a month ago. According to police investigations the victim was Ms. Danica Patrick, age 29, killed overnight in her house. This was reported as a robber though a strange one at that. Nothing of material possession was stolen such as jewelry and the such. What was stolen were her eyes reported to have been fiercely drugged out of her cranial as well as her tongue being cut out. The reported way she died was confirmed to be a deep slit in the throat.

10-7-2011 9:58 a.m.

This next reported case was also a overnight robber. When police investigators arrive at the scene of the crime they were greeted with the resident Gerald Gomphree, age 35, lying down on the floor with copious amounts of broken alcoholic bottles and marijuana. It was reported that both his stomach was removed and all his teeth were pulled. Cause of death... a deep slit to the throat.

10-13-2011 3:23 p.m.

At around 3:07 a phone call was sent to the police station stating that this person who was friends with a family had came by to visit, but to no avail had any response. The friend then tried to look inside the window only to see that the family was dead.

When police investigators had arrived at the house they were greeted with a putrid odor and four rotting corpses. Investigators stated that the bodies were at least 3 days old. From what was reported there was the husband, wife, and two kids. For the parents all fingernails and toenails were removed left to bleed out over time. For the kids all their fingers were chopped clean off. Once again the cause of death for all four were slits to the throats. After this the police had confirmed that this was the same person as the previous days.

10-21-2011 10:43 p.m.

During the night of October 21st police had received a phone call from a man named Trent Everdeen. My brother Wally Gaven had answered that night due to the fact that the person that usually did it was sick that day.

[Commence Call]

Trent: He-hello?

Wally: Yes sir this is 9-1-1 what is your emergency?

Trent: Help me he-help me please!

Wally: Sir what seems to be the problem?

Trent: (quivering in his voice) He's here.

Wally: Sir who are you talking about?

Trent: HE'S HERE! That guy that kills people, he's here...

Wally: Sir remain calm. Can you tell me your name and address?

Trent: My name is Trent, Trent Everdeen. I live on the northeastern side of Denver on fifth street, house 202.

Wally: Ok Trent people are on there way you'll be safe.

Trent: It hurts so much.

Wally: Sir what hurts?

Trent: He, he smashed one of my kneeca- (breaking sounds)

Wally: Sir what wrong!?

Trent: (heavy breathing) he-he's in the living room, right outside the closet.

Wally: Sir remain calm, make absolutely no sounds.

Trent: (Door opening) AHHHHHHHHHH! (smash)

Wally: (beeping) Sir, Sir!

[End Call]

The following night police arrive at the house at around 11:03 p.m. only to find Trent in the closet with both the phone and his cranial smashed in. It was reported that one of his kneecaps were missing and that his throat had a deep slit. This was when officials finally gave this criminal a name, The Red Robber, named after him robbing people of their blood covered body parts.

10-26-2011 5:22 p.m.

We had gotten a call from two parents sobbing that night. We weren't able to make out what they were saying, so we had sent some investigators over. What investigators saw next changed their lives forever. The two parents had stated that they had taken a night out and left a baby sitter in change while they were away. The scene was of the babysitter charred and decapitated though with still enough room to have a deep slit in her throat. Two kids that were bleached, burnt, and had everyone of their eyelashes plucked out of the areas they were held in. Both their kidneys were removed and their throats had deep slits. Finally there was the family dog with it spine removed and it's belly gutted left wide open and a deep slit down it's throat. The husband and wife moved 2 days later.

Before coming to the police department to find out that I would get a chance to write this paper today I had heard my brother talking about the Red Robber several days prior to this before seeing him leave that day. Interrupted by noises I heard coming from Wally's room I thought to myself "Wally must be back I'll go talk to him after I finish this paper."

10-31-2011 12:27 p.m.

Earlier on this morning the final document of the Red Robber that would be mentioned in this report was made. The police department stated that after calling officer Johnson and not receiving a reply they had sent someone over to check on him. He was found dead in his house only having his heart ripped out of his chest and a deep slit across his neck.

This sums up the report of the Red Robber this report was finished on 10-31-2011 4:53 p.m. No real pattern is indicated in my findings except maybe just one. The Red Robber has been going from the first house on northeast street and up the line.

As I'm finishing up my report I accidently knock over my drink. Trying to salvage all my papers on my desk I find a note from Wally. "I'll be back on the 10th of November", signed Wally. The 10th?, but its the 31st of October. I then realize something. My house is the 7th one in the row.

Signed SilverDarkCureXZ 