Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27097658-20160210155532/@comment-24101790-20160210162914

Starting with the basics, don't indent your paragraphs as it can cause formatting issues. Another piece of advice I can give is to read the deletion appeal I posted as all of the issues are still here.

Wording errors: "The Boston skyline was mostly dark and the streets where (were) about as quiet as they ever are in a big city.", "The only reason I was out was because of a study session that had ran (run) much longer then it was supposed to.", "Where (Were) it not for the time of night and the large smile", "Did not even appear to breath (breathe),", "She was probably just a film student form Emerson", etc. There are a lot more of these issues present, but there are other issues present in the story so I suggest reviewing/proof-reading your story more thoroughly next time.

Fragmented sentences: " Here I stopped.", "Looked up and looked back", etc. These give the story a very start-and-stop feel which really detracts from the overall story. Capitalization issues: "“Why you up?” She (she) called to me.", "So, If (if) you ever see a girl with a wide smile..."

Punctuation issues: "“I just got back from studying with Josh,(.)”", "“Hey, Emily You need to get up, you have work in an hour,(.)”", "“Get up,”" There is no proceeding sentence after that line so it should have conclusive punctuation. "The words (")WHY YOU UP?(") where (sic) gouged into every part of her skin."

Story issues: I'm sorry, but this is a pretty cookie-cutter storyline and the lack of description/generic descriptions ("She was small, skinny with a face obscured by curly black hair. She was dressed in dark skinny jeans, and a green sweatshirt that was covered in cats.") The story needs quite a bit of work and really feels like a carbon-copy of The Grinning Man in its premise. I'm sorry, but there have been little to no changes here and the story is still not up quality standards.