Talk:Jenna/@comment-26054278-20170403021352

Apologies for not getting to this until now. Login issues (in which this site refused to let me in or post comments, despite not being banned and having a stable internet connection) as well as school work has kept me away for a while.

Before I begin my usual feedback, I must say that the subject of drugs makes me dreadfully uncomfortable. I've had no personal experience with them myself (as I know fully well of their dangers), but their effects both fascinate and disturb me. I don't really feel comfortable discussing drugs, and certainly being around drugs (except alcohol, for whatever reason). While I've often cited that my only true fear is death, drug use and paraphernalia may actually be a fear I've neglected.

Therefore, the subject matter of this story was destined to get under my skin no matter what. However, I feel you've managed to successfully go beyond my initial discomfort dealing with the subject and genuinely create a disgusting, brilliant work. This is certainly a highlight on this site, and I'll be adding this to my "Favorite Pastas" list momentarily after finishing this review.

First off, you captured both the griminess and the problems behind Jenna's drug habit. The idea of her "shooting up" in this bathroom stall is well-portrayed, and, while the feeling of happiness is indicated, the story still has a vibe of discomfort running through it as the reader absorbs each word. The story also gives Jenna a separate, believable motivation (besides her addiction) for her habit when you mention how she "missed her only friend". I find it extremely believable that Jenna was not only addicted to heroin, but also used it as a means of coping with her pain. It's a nice, brief, and clever touch.

The twist is a gut-punch. Next to Autopilot and a select few others, I'd rank this story's twist as one of the best I've read on this site. I love how the earlier backstory ties in, how the setting and build-up enhances it, and, of course, that last line. The last sentence is perhaps the biggest nail in the coffin. It triumphs in casting forth both Jenny's state of mind right now and, perhaps, a much larger anti-drug message. Horror stories need to force an impact on the reader; you've unabashedly given the reader just that.

Personally, I could have used another sentence describing the nature of the bathroom (to emphasize how run-down the place was), and I think bits and pieces don't quite flow right to me (the aforementioned "He ran her in the cramped stall", and "Her tongue licking the cut on her cheek; she thought: I can taste the blood," struck me as awkward), but besides those small things, I really don't have any issues with this story. The concept is chilling, the twist hits hard, and, overall, you've done a fantastic job. 9.5/10.

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