Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26522811-20150624212401

Greetings, Michael. I have been with you for 14 years. I’m not going to beat around the bush, I am your guardian angel. Archangels like me help humans like you by stopping you from getting hurt, physically and emotionally. I bet you’re whining “Oh, but why didn’t you stop me from biting my cheek or falling when I was young?” The answer is that I’ve just given up. I’ve attempted to give you a perfect life for centuries. This may confuse you, so let me explain.

The first time I guarded you was easy, you got burned, fell a few times, but nothing horrible. But then your first death occurred. When you drowned in that community pool by your old parent’s house I took your place. I experienced for the first time what death was. I was scared, in horrible pain as my chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself. But then, just as it began, it ended. I opened my eyes when the pain ceased and found myself in a hospital room, hearing your familiar cry. After that experience I took great precautions to make sure you don’t die again, but you’re just so easily killed.

At 103 deaths, I stopped trying to shield you from emotional pain. At 403 deaths I stopped shielding you from minor harm. At the time of writing this you’ve died 873 times, most of which your fault for not noticing my warnings. These deaths have taken a toll on me, and I’ve stopped trying to make your life easy. I only write this because one instance has been a thorn in my side for a majority of your deaths.

On June 21, 2022 you will exit a bar after a whole night of debauchery and go driving while drunk. You will hit a semi truck at full speed a total of 1.2 miles away from the bar. I take your place in the crash, and have to feel every broken bone and every last piece of glass entering my skin. Meanwhile, I am serenaded by the lamentations of your dying friends who were in the car with you at the time. For your and my sake, don’t go out drinking on that day.

I have to get you to at least 80, and you’re making it difficult for me to get you past 30. I’m placing this note outside of your parents’ home, right under the stump of a growing tree. When you’re 19 you will be asked to remove this stump by your parents. I cannot physically help you, so I pray you find and read this message. Remember, don’t go driving on June 21, 2022. Do this for yourself and for me. Oh, and one last thing. Before you’re done digging out the stump, go in your Parent’s home and turn off their oven. You’ve been good about this before, but I’d rather not make this the 72nd time. 