User blog:GarbageFactory/Fuckin' Roommates, Man

So I was awoken about a half an hour ago to something scratching against my leg under the covers. I thought it was part of a dream at first, but the movement didn't stop when I moved. I snapped awake and sat bolt upright in my bed, my first bleary thought being "Fucking cats" because my roommates' cats are slippery assholes that can get into anything.

But then, out of the darkness next to my bed, I heard someone say, "Whuh," and realized that it was my roommate Shaun.

"Shaun?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Bender?" he answered.

"You trying to crawl into bed, amigo?" I asked.

"Ahh. Yeah."

"You lose your way, bro?"

"Yeah. Sorry dude."

"It's all good, you scared the fuck outta me though, man. I thought it was a rat or something."

I pictured him in the dark, stoner owl eyes wide with surprise, hands up over his head like he was being held up.

"Naw dude. I'm super sorry," he said. He went to the door and as he left he apologized one last time. I waved it off and rolled back over in my bed, grateful it hadn't been some Lovecraftian hellbeast trying to crawl into bed with me.

I can't sleep now though because I can't figure out how he could mistake my room for his. They're completely different in size and layout and you'd think he'd have figured it out by the time he found the bed.

It was a funny experience though. Fucking surreal, but funny. I keep imagining his reaction to me jumping under the blankets, probably thinking, "Who the fuck is in my bed?" while I was thinking, "What the fuck is trying to get into my bed?"

Fuckin' roommates, man. Can't live with them. Can't kill them.