Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24101790-20170204172123/@comment-25941663-20170204183939

This was a really enjoyable piece. It had a nice pace and the plot was fantastic. I'm a sucker for stories like this, and you delivered. The Lovecraftian and Darkest Dungeon influences in the atmosphere of this period piece enhanced the story greatly. The narration style was very nice too. The small interruptions from the officer added a lot to the piece.

I could go on, but this was simply fantastic. Thoroughly enjoyed it and kept me hooked from start to finish.

The prose could have done with a bit more "sophistication" though. Towards the end it became more and more normal. I think lightly sprinkling the later paragraphs with descriptive work will suit this perfectly.

Also, towards the end, when the mass thingy is revealed, you write that there was movement by the sides of the cavern, possibly from miners or investigators. I would have liked some more description in there. This is a great opportunity to inject another dose of lovecraftian horror. Describe their faces, their movement, their mumbling, etc. I believe this will improve the story.

All in all, a great read. Very nice work.