Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20181001004513/@comment-35711173-20181003101405

I analyzed the feedback of BloodySpghetti and L0CKED334 and based on that I rewrote several parts and added new material. (About one word in three is new since the last draft.)

I stuck to the cumulative damage of gamma radiation rather than inventing a space virus because this is something that we currently have scientifically documented. However, it is irrelevant to the intention of the story. It could have been a virus or an effect of zero gravity or whatever. The intended idea is that this is a man who was slowly killed by his job, as much as my relatives who died from black lung. Decades of slow exposure when weeks or months would have been safe.

Bloody Spaghetti,

The story was intended to be about workers who have been sucked dry by their jobs and now are facing the big unknown.

I removed the word "Jesus" from the story. Deities are now only referred to in the plural and there is no identification of a particular religion by name, except for Mother itself.

If you were living in a society where the family car flies at 300 kph, how far would you travel to religious services? Maybe twenty minutes travel, or 100 kilometers. That means your neighborhood is a circle of families that is 200 kilometers in diameter, or 32,000 square kilometers. That's just about the area of Taiwan, which has a population of about 23 million people. So no, the idea of isolated religious communities would have been dead for centuries.