Talk:The Bloat/@comment-11426415-20140426190846

First paragraph, possible punctuation error/missing puntuation.

Second paragraph, unnecessary repetion of detail.

Fourth paragraph (Ignoring the thrid because I saw nothing wrong with it), why was the guy/you carrying a gun for supposedly no reason? Punctuation, missing again. At least you explained how you knew the officer instead of leaving it at "I immediately knew him".

Fifth paragraph, now assuming you're some sort of officer yourself, you grab a possible tool of murder with your bare hands, which would contaminate the evidence. More missing punctuation. Seeing as you called 911, now I assume you're not an officer, what made you not report this as soon as you saw it?

Sixth paragraph, "I have been always mindful" that, just isn't how anyone would structure that kind of sentence. And again, why are you carrying a gun in public, on an evening jog of all things? Decent creature idea I must say, but if it's a fish, why is it on land? If anything it should be an amphibious type of creature. If the 'fish' tackled you and was laying ontop of you, how could your gun have been positioned so that when it discharged (Pressumably on accident seeing as 'discharge' is only used to describe an accidental shot) it shot the creature and manage to cause it to bleed?

Seventh paragraph, how do you 'pass' a cut? Also, missing space in "me.And". Additionally, you use the creature's name but fail to capitalise the B in Bloat?

Finally, if you try and tell me thise is real seeing as you're asking others for help, why have you posted this on a stroy-telling website and not somewhere more, important for events such as this? But if it's a story, I'd give it a 6 out of 10, for a decent amount of vocabulary and lack of cliches that contaminate many Creepypastas, but it gets a lower score because of unexplained plot points and lack of some punctuation.