Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444017-20180727065223/@comment-7064562-20180729051239

I missed the part where he goes and gets the old crib that was outside in the elements due to the layout of wiki's and the ending confused the living hell out of me, lol. I wrote a whole thing explaining how the ending needed to string the story together, stronger connections, and all that jazz because of it until I gave it a look over again XD

But ya, I agree with bloody. I think you just need to clear it up a bit, pre say. Vague is great, we all understand the connection about a baby, but I feel it's a tad too vague to really leave much of an impact. It's not really the writing or outlines fault, nor the storytelling itself, but more of the whole story. It's just simply not very impressive. it just leaves me with an "ok" unsatisfied feeling. Kind of like when you get one point above average on a test, or shave a few seconds off your 5k time. I did it, it's not that big a deal, and I will forget about it and hope I do better the next time.

So, I guess overall my advice is to try and write something a little more advanced/interesting? As your writing style and grammar are both good enough, along with the ability to add subtle hints for an overarching plot. Tbh, sounds kind of harsh, as normally with short stories like this, they are other complete garbage filled with grammar mistakes written by an edging teen and I can actually point out flaws with the story to improve it, while here with something that's actually decent my advice is that as a whole it's boring.