Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20140918223710/@comment-25226524-20140919011719

Of course, this one is well written. I loved the idea of using obsessive gum chewing to build tension. You had me thinking of the girl from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Although the buildup was well done, the end didn't work for me this time. I'm not really sure what it is, I guess it just feels a little forced. I would see what others have to say, because this could just be me.

I think if you got a little more creative with the ending (which I know you're capable of), this would be another great story in my opinion. Hope this helps. Thanks for asking my opinion.