Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27121933-20151027181537/@comment-25170312-20151028004945

Well, first of all... it's a second person perspective pasta that is telling us we are scared of midnight. That just doesn't work. Most people are not scared of midnight. There's just nothing scary about it unless you're Cinderella and your fancy clothes are about to turn to crap. Hell, I am usually watching cartoons at that time. Step one would be changing the whole thing to first person. I mean, you can't tell the reader all about all their own fears and doubts if the reader hasn't felt those things personally. We would need a character to project that onto and then we could get involved.

The ending kinda threw me. I really don't get it. Here are my guesses. Are any correct?

1. The thing "we" fear most is "our" daughter having a bad dream and wanting to come sleep in "our" bed because that's annoying.

2. "We" are having a half-asleep nightmare that ends when the daughter breaks "us" out of it.

3. "We" are a total pussy that's afraid of the dark.

In conclusion, even if I understood the ending, it just doesn't work in the second person perspective. It's also rather quick and thin, with nothing truly unique or interesting about the writing itself.