Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26990009-20170921181609/@comment-7673575-20170922065802

I'm going to have to stop you right after the NINE HOURS BEFORE SAID EVENT: Why?

The story has an abundance of grammar errors, mostly concerning the use of commas and capital letters. It also has issues with a rather strange pacing (Daniel and Eli talk over the phone, and the very next second Daniel and Arty are in a Nissan. This usually works rather well to quicken the pace, but you've presented it in a wrong way.

Furthermore, it seems strange that the haunted house can be seen from outside someone's window. Not only that it's implausible, but it also makes absolutely no sense for someone to live near a haunted house.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it to you: the story is below average. It wouldn't meet the QS, and would be deleted in minutes. My advice: go to Suggested Reading category. Read some pastas there, see how they write, how they use their words, the punctuation, all of it; use that to rewrite your story, and then replace this here version with your rewrite. Then I'll give it a review again.

Good luck, and take your time: worst way to write is to rush it :)