Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4138999-20150312232918

This was the second time I wrote a creepypasta. This time I read the quality standards more and was more creative. However just when I thought it was accepted it wasn't. I guess I'm not good enough at understanding creepypastas to see whats wrong with my story, but it might be the later part of it where the writing gets exhausting but I don't know, I might give up after this. Does anyone else?

"In the fall of 1990 in the farming village of Mileswood, Oregon, where I have lived all my life, my school was celebrating their 50th anniversary. They held a fabulous fair which included all the usual fun such as games like pin-the-tail-on-the donkey for kids and karaoke contests for older people like me, or even plate smashing which my dad was enthusiastic for. They were roasting delicious barbecued food I indulged in most of the time I spent there, having hot dog after hot dog. Sometimes with ketchup, or sometimes with mustard. Then after I felt full I took a look at the photo gallery on display in the school auditorium where they showed off all the previous anniversary photos. It was at that point when I observed the 40th anniversary photo, which showed the previous principal (who had since passed away) that I could see something odd in the background.



The principal in the image was smiling cheerfully with two other teachers outside the school tennis court near some trees. I could see a shape peering out in the distant blurry background just near the principal’s head. The shape was definitely not a branch, for it was smoother and had no leaves or twigs on it. And what instantly proved it wasn’t a branch was the fact it wasn’t brown or green, but rather…mustard colored it came to me after I ate a lot of mustard hot dogs. Initially though, I thought the photo being from 1980 was just affected by something wrong with the camera, but I couldn’t be sure for I was no photo expert.



My friend Harris Lee met me while I stared in wonder at the mysterious “branch”, and asked him what he thought it was. He too was no geek at photo problems, but said it could have been anything like a cardboard cut-out, but I remember the 40th anniversary fair despite being much younger and certainly didn’t see or hear anything about cut-outs or anything of the sort. Harris then said he simply didn’t know, and told me I should let go of it and just accept whatever I thought it was.



Later after the fair finished that evening on my way home (I left later than my family) I went by that really eerie abandoned shed that lies in the open unused fields on the path between my school and house. Nobody in our village knew who owned that shed, for we never saw anyone go in or out of it, and it had been abandoned for as long as any record of our village could reach. The door was locked and some people had once tried to get in but it was surprisingly strong for an abandoned place. But to keep ourselves on task we would simply ignore it and like Harris told me, to accept whatever we thought it was. However, as I went by the shed, I noticed some footprints in the field beginning just by the path. I felt confused and somewhat startled, for these footprints were not shaped like a person’s or any animal that is in our village. They were shaped like thin ovals, and they must have been strongly stepping if they were able to crush the long grass down to the point it was stuck.



Alien Bigfoot or what? I pondered, and with a look of worry but also curiosity on my face, I followed the tracks, and saw they lead right up to the shed door. At that point my heart throbbed faster and I could hear the distant wind more clearly, so ran off home. Upon returning, I told my dad about the weird markings I saw. He just seemed pretty relaxed and even had a little chuckle, saying it must have been those crazy boys who used to play all sorts of tricks on me who I thought had finally given up. He told me to let go of it.



Still feeling a little nervous from what I’d seen, I saw my little sister drawing in the family room. I went up to her to have a chat to feel better again, and asked her what she was scribbling. She showed me her vague image, and it was apparently something she saw in the very room we were in by the purple curtains in a nightmare and wanted to show mom and dad. I looked at the figure in her image and leapt back to the feeling I had when I walked up to the shed. The figure, which looked nothing like I had ever imagined, not a ghost or alien just nothing made me swallow and take a step back onto my armchair, and feeling my heart throb up again I decided to switch on the TV. Still, I couldn’t get the thought of my sister’s drawing out of my head; the color of the bizarre spade-shaped headed humanoid was in a very similar mustardy color to…what was that thing I saw earlier…? I couldn’t seem to remember as I felt so freaked out.



Dad then came in, and asked my sister what she was depicting in with her crayons. She told him it was the “alien spade” she had seen in a nightmare, and she was brave enough to draw it for everyone to see. It seemed an alien was the first thing she thought of it, but I still couldn’t come to any conclusion what it was, but then knew it was just a dream so was anything really. Dad sounded like he was getting tired of us telling him creepy things, as my sister had always bothered him with ghost stories. He said he’d rather be doing the plate smashing game again, and that we ought to let go of all this nonsense. My sister agreed instantly, and threw her drawing in the bin saying was a waste of time.



I still could not let go. My mind wouldn’t rid the thought of who made those footprints. Then I woke up abruptly, I looked at my watch, seeing it was 3:30am. The intrusive thoughts of the footprints flooded into my head, and I felt a shiver run down my spine then all my bones, followed by me breathing fast. Then, my hair shot up and I raced out of my room when a petrifying voice that sounded like some elf or gnome laughing in a high tone chattered from outside my window. “MAH! MAH! MAH! MAH! Mah…” “ARRGH!” I screamed, and that’s when I bounced up in my bed, then sunk back down on realizing it was only a nightmare, obviously influenced from the stupid stuff I went through yesterday. It was 3:30am still, and my dream seemed to match the time somehow.



<p class="MsoNormal">I felt thirsty, so leaned over to switch on my trusty bedside lamp. But it remained dark, for it seemed the power had been cut in the lamp. Annoyed, I got out of bed and dragged myself I over to my bedroom light, but neither that would switch on, so this was a bad full power cut indeed. I found my flashlight, but neither that would turn on; its batteries had just instantly died. I raised one eyebrow and my jaw dropped, utterly baffled by the strange coincidence of two power sources failing at the same time, or was it a coincidence? Having no time to think as my throat was begging for water, I rushed to my bathroom. But the moment I spun the cold faucet not the slightest drop of water rushed out.

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<p class="MsoNormal">I gasped, for I thought a coincidental power cut was strange enough, but now my water wasn’t working? My throat was now bone dry, and I began to feel my heart throbbing up again as I thought there had to be more than I thought going on here. I called for my parents as I felt so confused and worried, but received no reply. I entered their room, and my jaw dropped lower than ever upon seeing their bed was completely empty. I rushed to my sisters as well, but she was nowhere to be seen. I called louder some more, feeling crusty pain as my dehydrated-lips moved. Still I received no answer, only more distant howling wind.

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<p class="MsoNormal">Then my feet stood glued to the floor and my eyes frozen forward as something caught my eye. A vintage painting of two Victorian children with oversized smiles on the beach that my mom always liked was in front of me, but what was different this time was a faint, mustardy yellow shape seen moving behind the two children. I told myself this couldn’t be happening as I rubbed my eyes furiously. Then I turned upon thinking I saw another faint shape to the large mirror near the bathroom. I saw my own reflection; I looked like a demon in the dark. My own reflection made me desperately want to turn away, but I was drawn back to the mirror when I spotted a figure appear in it. As the figure appeared, my own reflections vanished. The figure was again the same old mustard yellow, and it had a strange head shaped like a spade and a thin body and…before I could see anymore I stamped down the stairs and out of the door screaming and waving my arms like a dummy being shot at.

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<p class="MsoNormal">I screeched the names of my parents as I burst into the freezing outdoors in my pyjamas. I had no time to even come up with a reason why my family weren’t in the house at 3 in the morning; I just kept running and running to reach the rest of the village in the safety of everyone else. The cold clenched my skin, making all my hairs stand up high, but they already were standing up high enough from the unknown vision I had in my house. I spotted the shed from a long distance. It looked like just a black cube from where I was running. I stopped, and took a moment to calm myself. I took some deep breaths, but it didn’t seem to work too well, and I knew my panic would return. At that point, the shed suddenly glowed a dark shade of yellow which drew my attention. I hide behind a bush and peered at it.

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<p class="MsoNormal">I thought I was safe hidden in this bush, so was able to stay and watch what would happen, true I was terrified more than ever, but I knew seeing whatever what going on would make me feel better, or so I thought I did. The door of the shed opened and I saw a figure walk out like a robot, and then flapped its arms like a scarecrow in the wind. The figure had, yet again, the infamous spade shaped head and thin body, with short legs and long arms just like the figure in my sister’s drawing. I began breathing wildly, and tried to lower it as the figure began walking across the field towards the path where I saw those footprints. It raised its arms again and walked with long stretches of its legs like a zombie. I took a step back and trod on a branch which snapped loudly, and the figure turned its “face” to me, and emitting a sinister laughing sound identical to the one in my nightmare only less loud. It sent me back into my unimaginably insane panic, wishing this would just end and never come back. Then wished I had let it go earlier, was it too late now?

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<p class="MsoNormal">By the time I reached the centre of my village, battered by screaming, thirst, chills and exhaustion. I saw a fountain to drink from, but again it would not work, I then screamed some last screams before I lost all my energy. I bellowed for help that something was after me, but received no reply, just more taunting distant howling wind. The village was inky black and looked like it was a demon town. Not a single light was shining in it, not even the moon or stars were visible tonight. Then, just as I was about to collapse, I saw a huge light appear from behind the village hall. It was like the color of daylight. Intrigued rather than scared this time, I went over to see it. I saw a sight that instantly dazzled me. I saw an area of the village that looked like the entrance that was lit up as bright as daylight. The area began to spread until a huge portion of the outside of the village appeared to be seeing the sun again.

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<p class="MsoNormal">I saw my parents and sister looking like they were having the time of their life, laughing and hugging. My friend Harris was there too and all the people I need cheering each other, playing sports and joking. The strange thing was, I couldn’t hear a single sound from the area, but was too dazzled by the fact daytime and night-time seemed to be happening at the same time to care. I walked over to join the fun, and smiled for the first time in a while. That was, however, I banged my nose on something long and dense. Falling back in pain, I reopened my eyes and saw there was absolutely nothing separating me from the others in the light. I put my right hand out and it stopped as I moved it forward in the air. It then began to tap on the air as my fingers met something that I couldn’t see separating me from the day area.

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<p class="MsoNormal">I then panicked again, and banged my hands on the invisible wall and tried to scream, but my sickened throat gave up. They couldn’t hear me anyway I knew. I watched in horror as my family and friends all partied on as darkness began to appear and cover up the daytime area they were in, or actually it turned out, the darkness was covering the night-time area I was in. The final thing I saw as my imprisonment in this lifeless village began was a strange spade headed figure running behind my friends and family into the trees…"

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