Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25382945-20150926043827/@comment-27028306-20150926130958

I don't really find this creepy or scary in any way - it's more just rambling about psuedo-philosophical bullshit.

Other issues:

Grammatical - There are a few grammatical errors with the proper usage of 'too' (I think) and punctuation, but nothing major that I noticed.

Structure - All of the setences except for a small handful are short and contain no complexity.

Plot - You already know by this point what I think of the "plot". Also, the ending in particular really bothers me, "After understanding this passage you should unlock your hidden 'potential'." It's almost as if, feeling you've found some hidden truth about reality, you attempt to draw the reader into it. I'll pass.

Sorry, but this is pretty awful. It's in need of a good amount of work.

Hope this helps. Mosh302 (talk) 13:09, September 26, 2015 (UTC)mosh302