Talk:Espejo De Hielo/@comment-24381191-20141016132207

What I liked: The amount of desctirption. The description wasn't so much that you got bored but it wasn't too vague (at most parts)

What I didn't like: Again, the description, the bodies should be a little more described. Also, you fail at creating tension or scares. This has nothing to do with your writing skill, it's because of the style the story was written. If you had made it an actual story with characters (mentioning them doesn't count), it would have had more of an impact and it would have been far easier to create the tension rather than look on like a report on it. Your ending was also pretty bland, boring and generic. Maybe make it something like "... He turned around but saw nothing. It was getting colder. Slowly, his eyes closed, and he collapsed on the floor, unmoving." Well, that sucked, but you get the idea. Also, you wrote "He never officially learned the language." It would sound more natural if you wrote 'actually' instead of 'officially.'