Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26067056-20170624202654/@comment-24101790-20170624203545

There are a lot of problems here for being only eight sentences long. You're missing punctuation from sentences. "I lived on a house on creek hill", "Me and my wife lived there for 20 or so years", "She said "You're doom is near"" You use grammatically incorrect words ("She said "You're doom is near""). You forget to capitalize proper nouns. "I lived on a house on creek hill" You also corrected your spelling which is nice, but it would have been better before posting it.

Additionally the story is rushed and doesn't really feel effective. The main point of flash fiction is the ability to tell a story effectively in a few sentences, giving the audience all they need to know. This feels more like a lengthy story that you distilled into a few sentences at the cost of effective description, tension/atmosphere, and story-telling. It doesn't really work in its current form. Here's a guide on micro-pastas as this needs a lot of work..