Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26908800-20151005062647/@comment-25980905-20151005123620

You've asked for your questions to be answered, and I shall happily oblige. Let's begin shall we?

My Answers:

Question One: No. Allow me to explain further. There was no misdirection at all. The hints used throughout the text to allude to the fact that this is really a possession are obvious and I had a vague idea of what was happening as soon as I finished the first paragraph. Before the second paragraph began this idea had been cemented in my mind. You did throw in a few story elements here and there that tried to throw the reader off of the trail but, overall, it was still pretty obvious what was going on. This line here '...the owner screams in despair from somewhere way down there...' should probably be revised a bit, rather than '...way down their...' I'd throw something else in like 'chained to the back seat' which still alludes to the fact that the first paragraph is about a body (not a car) but also makes the hint more obscure as you can really tie it into the next paragraph.

Question Two: That depends on the particular references we're talking about here. There's the ritual ('The Baptism of Blood') or the symbolism (ie the vessel, the Latin, etc.). In regards to this 'Baptism of Blood', meh. It contributed to the tone of the story if you were going for dark, gory and a little vile. I generally find gore a bit overused and generally distasteful (but hey, that's just my opinion out of thousands). As for the symbolism, yes. I think it did add to the tone (if you were going for more demonic elements), but only through the connotations of the words that were used (ie All Hallows' Eve, Snakehead, etc.). You also know a thing or two about demonology, which was nice. Abbadon is not a demon commonly brought up and I'm glad you didn't just go with 'The Devil himself: Satan' (or Lucifer, depending on which particular teaching you follow).

Question Three: Yes.

Question Four: Yes. Allow me to indicate just one example (the first error): 'The first real night of autumn, cold, wet, a dangerous time for souls in the old days.' => too many commas (unless you were attempting to list, in that case, that last part should have been '...and a dangerous...').

My Thoughts:

Now, I'm not going to pretend that I thoroughly read the whole thing. This whole 'nsfw' thing kills my attention immediately and I find it quite distasteful (as mentioned above). What I can say is that the story is definitely different to anything I've read before. The whole 'possessed killer' thing has been done a lot but this story presents it from a point of view that is not commonly seen in the media, the demon's point of view. For what it's worth, I think the concept in this story is good. Your vocabulary is also not all that bad. Your grammar and punctuation are also off at times, I'd look mainly at sentence fragments and commas. Also, be wary of typos (ie 'twenty four' is actually 'twenty-four'.).

There were a few cliches here and there (ie what I believe was Latin), but it's impossible to avoid all cliches and a lot of them are necessary at times.

Overall, I'm not the best person to review a pasta with this particular taste/flavour. I'd definitely recommend getting a second opinion.

I look forward to reading the response to this review (if you so choose to write one) and good luck in your writing adventure!