Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26007602-20150501010846/@comment-26007602-20150502073951

SoPretentious wrote: First off, I think the description in this is nearly flawless. I enjoyed reading all of it. The concept towards the end is a little confounding to me. One thing is, the people crushed by this machine would certainly die from being ripped apart with their organs bouncing off the wall and landing on the floor. Also, it sounds horrific, but the people that are alive in the machine would not become dependent on the pain caused by the machine. It seems like those parts were added in there to increase the fright. It takes away from a story that doesn't need to be more gruesome.

First off, thanks for catching those errors above. Will fix in the next draft.

Let me try and explain the reason why these people are alive in the machine. You see, I try to put symbolism and themes into my works; while this story isn't complete, it's still good to gauge if other readers will notice. I view the machine as a symbol for society in general (hence the name: "Societis"). The people fed to it, the disabled, mentally ill, the other "undesirables" are "reformatted", sort of like how society inadvertently forces people down a particular path in life. That's why these people survive in the machine; it doesn't kill them, it just wants to make them "normal". When I say they rely on the pain of the machine, I sort of mean that those people give into the will of society or the pains caused by it. It would probably make more sense if I actually had the other part complete.

After reading that, does it make a bit more sense? Or is it still too confusing? I may change it to make it a bit less subtle, because it does sound needlessly brutal if the "theme" is missed.