Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38762367-20190310005945/@comment-9041013-20190312115054

Well I see that this has recieved a lot of attention, so I don't have much to say. It's definitely pretty solid. I do feel like you could add a bunch to it by flashing out the real world and what happens around your patient more, in tandem with a more detailed "dream" world. Just add stuff to make it seem more like an actual stay at the hospital for the man. That and as Wizard said, make the beast chase him for longer, make her a creature that savors her meals and works hard for them.

I do think you should also make your patient seem as if he is trying his hardest to appear normal to the hospital staff all around him once he realizes that the girl is a hungry creature. He might be resisting sleep for a while, and then when they catch him and start worrying and suggesting more time to stay - he starts doing his best to appear as if he's fine. Maybe he could pretend to be asleep after loading himself with caffeine under the table.

Now I do think you could end this with the classic ending of "well now I'm away from where I first encountered the thing... it might not come after me... but" as in, we are told he comes home, and he considers going to bed because he caught a mag about the paranormal on his way home and saw a passage there about how ghosts tend to stick to a certain location or something wonky like that. I mean I'd buy into that if it were written properly because well, he is overly caffeinated and sleep deprived. So he's believing in senseless things. Up to you though.