Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6977055-20141216033823/@comment-25769703-20141216043916

Hey, time to give you a real critique. Considering you only spent a few hours and not days i will give you my honest opinion.

The beggining is very, bland. You try to confuse the reader, making him want to read more. The one major flaw is 'Well no matter which option you pick, you would be wrong' ... What? honestly? It can't be yes or no? can it be maybe? But i would still be wrong... this paradox needs work, it simply does not make sense!

There is good use of repitition. However, you use this unessisarily. We get the point of what you're trying to say here. Example 'The Netherrealm. The Netherealm' -We get the point and we know what the subject is by then-

-Netherealm is a very very weak location.. it can also symbolise the (Nether region) Of the human body-

What i'm saying is try to be less generic, i have seen hundreds upon hundreds of short stories and pasta's with the same themes that you are displaying here. There is no variation, this reminds me of a rip of slenderman along with other supernatural horrors.

-This is a creepypasta it's meant to make me scared, what you lack is the constant scare factor!-

Your last paragraph is doom and gloom 'there is no hope 'OH NO! how many times have we heard that before.'

If this is your first attempt well done keep at it, you have a goal now put it into practise. Start thinking of various ways in changing your generic themes. You spent a few hours, no consider spending a few days to improve your whole pasta.

And also your phallic imagery such as the sperm cells made me cringe and laugh X'D extremely funny if you consider who your audience is and what you're trying to portray.

Keep it up.