Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32807959-20170808223841/@comment-7064562-20170810062103

Once there was a boy named Robbie Richards. Robbie was always fascinated with electronics since he was a boy. He loved building mini circuits. He first built his first circuit when he was 12. The other kids didn’t appreciate him very much. He was always so different. Every day at school the kids would make fun of him. He’d bring different gadgets to school.

 Like little robot spiders. Everyone called him a tech nerd. He’s a very smart kid. When he turned 14 he began working on a smart watch. This smart watch will be very unique. This is because it will move. Literally. It would be connected to a mover. But not literally. It would walk via remote control. It would be wireless. It would walk and place itself in the watch socket by walking into it.





Honestly sounds like a list rather than a story and it's not introduced in an interesting way. You need to grab the readers interest as soon as possible, and I'm afraid this doesn.t do it.