Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25064424-20150503162213/@comment-25891880-20150503202950

Well, since you know there would be spelling errors or grammatical errors, I wished you would go through this story once more before posting it. But since I have nothing to do I'll give a review on this.

You have too many grammatical errors for me to list them all, so I'll tell you how to fix them all in one or two sentences.

Punctuation problem example - we would gather at other families( ' ) terrains... Make sure you know your possessives. Families = a group of families. Family's = A family owns something. Families' = A group of families own something. But as a reminder, there are more possessive errors like this in the story.

You have lots and lots of run-on sentences, such as: "It was the typical small, rural village with the small, aging and somewhat closed community." Incase you're five (this isn't an insult, it's just incase you don't know what a run-on sentence is), a run-on sentence is pairing two or more sentences into one. I would separate these. For example; "It was a typical small, rural village. It had a small, aging and somewhat closed community.

A more clear taste of a run-on sentence you have?: ''"Our family possessed most of the terrains around the village, from the river bank terrains below where most of our harvesting product came from, to the pine and eucalyptus forests on the surrounding areas located right above the village, that my family used to get some firewood from." ''

Spelling errors? You're lucky enough to know that there aren't actually any spelling errors in here, at least none that I can see with the naked eye.

"the walls made of stone blocks with some kind of cement in between them"  Wow, that sounded pretty lazy of you. Try to explain more. On the other hand, who cares what kind of cement is in between your bricks? It sounds unimportant.

There are a tiny amount of sentences where you talk about something then you just completely change the subject in the next sentence (not including separate paragraphs, these sentences were in the same paragraph.)

Also, these: Ex.'' I like cake,it is good. ''(not spacing the comma and the word to the right of it.) Obviously a simple mistake. But just to let you know.

You also don't capitalize things like the first letter of a sentence. Run through this story, I'm not even through the whole story yet and you still have lots of errors.

someone (usually my father), would go there, -  Take out the comma next to "(usually my father)". Because if you imagine this line without that parenthesis, it looks like; "someone, would go there,"

''-Can I go with you? -Uhm... yeah. I guess so. I got dressed and just as we walked into our car, several villagers walked into our direction. They looked distraught. -Something happened. Have you seen the water?-said a man -Yeah-said my father-I am taking these samples to the pharmacy. Don't use the water until I have the results. Buy it bottled. -That is not all of it. Ricardo and his brother went to the mines a while ago to try and fix that and they haven't come back.-said Ricardo's mother -Ricardo? But he barely knows the mines, and his brother knows them even less! They will get lost! -That's what I told him!-she said-But he refused to listen. We came here so you could find him. -Have you called the emergency services? -Yes, they are on their way, but you know how long it will take for them to get here, and every second is crucial. Please, they are my two sons! -Goddamit!Let me get changed. I will be there as soon as I can. ''

This is an example of something I can't take seriously. I can't understand it when you aren't putting quotes on every "spoken line" (if you know what I mean). And also I would put something like '"Spoken line", he said.' <There are plenty of other logical/grammatical errors but you need to find them, I cna't give you all of them. Pertaining to the plot, it doesn't really sound creepy and just sounds silly, I'm afraid. I would rewrite this a bit to make it more creepy, remove the grammar errors, and remove the parts that are unimportant. Also I was disappointed that you used the word "terrain" too much, also that doesn't sound simple enough to understand without having to look at a dictionary. Good luck.