Talk:New Girls/@comment-9041013-20180401195826

As the maestro closes his booklet, placing it down on the small podium in front of him his audience stares at him, smiles splattered across their faces from ear to ear. They scream at him in a gleeful unison, "You sick fuck! You sick fuck! You sick fuck!"

Did I really just waste an entire hour on this? yeah, but I had to take a break to chat with my Doggo and make a cup of Jo, so.

T'was good, t'was good, t'was good.

I liked, no wait, I loved your story. Usually I stay away from longer stories because they just don't pay off at this stage, on this site. I did stick up to yours though, for two reasons; you asked for a review nicely and because it just gave me a feel of "The Prestige" without the magicians, or Nicola Tesla. (awesome book, and movie by the way). I did see through the "twin magic" pretty much from the start, but you've been trying to hint at it I guess, and even if not. Hell it made it even better. You made me want to see where this is going.

Me likey

Over all the story has a nice feel to it, it's a very realistic bit, Charles Manson realistic, but hey, he happened too. I mean, there was a dude in Austria who held his daughter hostage in his basement for years and raped her repeatedly, so why the fuck can't this happen? It can...

I do have one problem with the story though, Daddy J and Harley Daughter are terrible at being Psychopaths, yeah they display looooots of antisocial personality characteristics, but not enough. They aren't Sociopath's either, as these would flop somewhere along with the plan due to being more prone to "emotional processing" of things, ei they are less fucked up in their brains from that perspective. The biggest difference between a P and a S would be P's are cold, calculated and fearless while S are neither of the first two and fearless to an extent.

Now here's the thing about Psychopaths, they rarely purpousely breed or stick to long term relationships, they don't give a fuck about partners or children, hence this perfect relationship between Daddy J and Harley Daughter wouldn't make sense. There are cases where neurological psychopaths (people with the neurological deficiets that cause Psychopathy) are perfectly "nomral" outwards, but that's when they are existing in a warm and loving habitate, which in turn means, they don't care, they don't empathize and they're probably going to take stupidly high risks for personal gain and progression, but they do the best they can to stay civil and normal, which again kinda kills your murderous duo. So they have Joker's disease, which is how I call "general insanity" in fictional characters, usually, it's bad, but in your case, since the whole story gave me a feeling of older writers and novels, I'mma let it slide.

Also, in the third part you wrote "six feet tall" funny, when you talk about people's actual height its "whatever feet tall".

One of my best friends died from TB so... yeah... WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TRIGGER MY FEELINGS, MATE? WHY?

All in all, Good job.

I don't tend to give out numbers and shit, it's just lazy.

I think you did great and people should bloody read this thing!