Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36516270-20180809001802/@comment-26444017-20180809064426

Here, I went through and fixed the formatting problems. Keep in mind that this is far from a finished product. It still need work. All I did was clean up what was available (punctuation issues, paragraph issues, tense swaps, etc.). Take note of the differences between what is here and what is in the original, and you'll start to see what needs to be worked on at a basic level.

A family was at a garage sale to pick up some new furniture. This family consisted of the dad, the mom, a ten year old boy named Jake, a fifteen year old boy Zack who was pushing Jake around, and a six year old girl named Elle.

Jake was a blond, long-haired boy, who enjoyed his life living it to the fullest no matter how hard his brother was making it. Jake ended up finding a small, hangable mirror. He enjoyed how it looked so he decided to buy it.

“How much is it?” Jake asked the garage sale owner, who responded, “Ten dollars.” Jake gave him the ten dollars before heading back to his parents van waiting to return to his home, knowing what to do right as soon as they arrived.

After returning to his house, he ran up stairs into the attic where he slept due to only having two bedrooms for his siblings. Jake hung the mirror on the wall of the attic, looking at it for a moment before stepping away from it.

“Free me..” said something. Jake looked around for where the voice was coming from.

“Who said that?” He said seeming to talk to himself. He looked into the mirror again, and noticed a different looking boy in the mirror. The boy had brown, short hair and was wearing glasses. “What the heck?” he said with shock at what he seen.

“You can hear me?” the boy in the mirror asked. Jake nodded his head looking worried. “Please help me out! I was cursed into this mirror.”

Jake looked around. “How do I do that?” he asked himself as he heard Zack coming up the stairs to the attic knocking on the door loudly.

“Oh Ja-ake! You know what happens when Mom and Dad leave for work!” Jake quickly hid under his bed as Zack bursted into the room, grabbing him out from under the bed by his shirt as he struggled.

“Fine, take it Zack.” he said giving Zack the rest of his money. Zack slowly put him down and walked out. Jake stood up and walked back over to the mirror.

“Why did you give him your money?” the boy in the mirror asked.

“He takes my money. I can’t stop him, and when I tell my parents they ignore me thinking he is the nice one. Never mind me. Why are you cursed in the mirror anyways?”

“I was on the run away from my home, after I was bullied by my brothers. They were twins, and always bullied me for how I acted. I apparently was too nice and weak. I ran into a nearby forest, and found an abandoned house. After a couple minutes I decided just to enter it. I thought my life couldn’t get worse, but of course it did. I was encountered by the owner of the house, who cursed me to life in a mirror.” he said looking a little down.

“Where were your parents?”

“They were at work. They worked all the time so I always ended up getting bullied. My name is Nate if you were wondering.”

Jake looked at the time. “Nice to meet you Nate, but I need to go eat. Sorry. I'll be back up soon.” he said running downstairs.

After finishing his food he went back upstairs as Zack was asking him, “Why were you talking to yourself Jake?” Jake locked his door and sat on his bed away from the mirror. His parents finally got home as Zack stopped pounding on his door. Jake stood back up, looking at the mirror.

“He won’t leave you alone, will he?” Nate asked.

“I try to ignore it. I’m going to get to sleep early. I rather not deal with my brother anymore tonight. Night Nate. I’ll figure out a way to break you free tomorrow.” he said heading to bed. Nate was looking outside the mirror, thinking about how bad Zack was.

In the middle of the night Jake was awoken by the sound of an ambulance in front of his house. He rushed downstairs to notice Zack was being taken out by a stretcher. Zack was convulsing violently, something Jake had never seen from his brother before. Getting worried, Jake headed back to his room. Looking in the mirror, Jake saw Nate looking weirded out himself.

“What happened?” Nate asked “You must have done something. My brother is having a seizure. What did you do?” Jake asked looking worried.

“If I did, I didn’t mean to. All I did was think about how mean Zack was to you.”

“So you must have sent him to that.”

“What if I did it on purpose?” said Nate.

“Then I will never help you out of that.” Nate chuckled, stepping out of the mirror.

“Well, I did it. He deserved it. No brother should be bullying another one. I was free the whole time. I possessed your brother and caused that. Now I think it’s your turn to forget about all this and join your brother.”

After Nate said this, Jake started to run out of the attic before Nate possessed him, making him have a seizure. Since Jake was alone at the time no one was there to help him. As Nate stopped the possession he chuckled saying “Goodbye, and goodnight Jake.” Upon Nate saying this, Jake died right there and then. Nate smirked as he headed back to his mirror, waiting for his next victim in the night.