Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28794220-20160628081104/@comment-25477067-20160628083945

Grammar, Punctuation, and paragraphs would make this a readable story.

Hello, by the time I am writing this I will be in jail, on the run or even dead, but all you need to know is I am a married 34-year-old male. So, let’s get this over with. About two years ago I was sitting in my desk chair with my laptop open. It illuminated my face as I browsed twitter. A post came up on my feed, it said “My website is up! here is the link.”

The link was thegoogle.com/akfus887 or something random like that. I was tired and bored, so out of pure curiosity I clicked the link. It brought me to a site with a black backdrop and white text, the text said "WELCOME TO AMUSEME.COM!" I thought that it would be like ifunny or something. I continued to browse the site,it turned out to be a bit like Reddit and 4chan. However, there were an unusually small amount of posts since the site had just been published. These posts weren’t normal though. These posts said things like “Going to kill him, I can’t wait, stay tuned!” I felt sick to my stomach, but I continued to browse. The horrors on that site were unexplainable, after a couple of minutes of watching, I had had enough of this and reported the site to Google for illegal violations of ToS. I went to bed that night at 11pm. I woke up at 1am to crying, it sounded like my son. He was only 6 and usually cried once a week, I got up and went to check on him. He was shaking and pale, he was pointing at the window. I looked outside, I was shocked by what was standing in my garden.

A tall figure, a knife in one hand. Blood dripped from his knife. I grabbed my son and called for my wife to follow me.

We ran outside to the front garden, my phone had a text, it was from a hidden number, it said "Try to report us, ha, well we have something for you."

The door swung open and the man ran outside. We ran into the car and locked the doors. I opened the glove box and the keys were there. The man jumped on the bonnet and started to break the glass. We turned the key and drove out of the driveway. As we drove down the countryside roads, the man was chasing us but he couldn’t keep up. We never went back to that house…

Even with my extensive edits, this story is very bland. Not a lot happens it it. it feels very generic and cookie cutter. The plot self-drives (I wanted to stop...but i did it anyway) and the basic idea itself is very cliche. No description is given of anything, from the man who we barely know and so cannot connect with, to the villain who is only discribed as a tall man. A tall man? thats it? Where`s the scare? One of the reasons Slenderman, JTK, BEN drowned or the Rake all became so popular was because they are so recognizable and horrifying because of their description. A tall man doesn`t inspire the same horror.

Furthermore, computer pastas and haunted internet is actually no longer allowed on the wiki, mostly because hundred of low-quality stories like this flooded the site. I reccomend taking a walk and think something new and terrifying up, and then having a friend proofread your work.