Something Monstrous

 Just take a deeper breath and give it time, just protect your mangled state of mind. Keep the insanity out, gulp your remorse and chew down your heretic tongue. Death does not weigh you down, it’s obvious when I see you. You’re still full of life, yet you don’t know it. Believe in me, believe in yourself, believe in life, and believe in death. They will both touch your soul at one point in time, but one will stay ever-present within your glory. Now, calm your nerves, take a deeper breath, and give it time.

Unknown, you were indeed to me. An enigma that puzzles the brain in about every regard, and I absolutely love it. In bed you lay now, alive and well in soul and will, yet I can see death standing by. You dragged me from the ceremonious choices of deceit and shallow waters of the mind that weighed me so. Now, to feel such sadness, to which I find cruelty and harsh reality, I have clambered across a great depression, one in which I feel there may be no escape. No escape, no escape from what was the meaning behind your untimely demise. It truly was something monstrous, something insanity itself may call home.

Even now, I’m feeling maddened in my psychological prowess. Yet, I feel the same intense, mind numbing powers of crushing defeat in purpose I did when you lay half here, half not. Insane I had become in my realization of helplessness. Remorse was my judgement the months you were hidden from the world. Wishing of sin upon me, lies of hope to creully cover like a curtain the truth of my life, the truth of your very existence. Insanity was invading, unfathomable pain to burst from the seams of my chest.

Flowers I had brought you that day. Yellow, buds clinging to the edge of greenery. Pale, an apparition of what was to be left as spoils you were. Near your bedside, a chair, in which I took my seat beside you. Heavily were the breaths you took in solemn moments of oxygen you so desperately clawed for. At that moment, before a word could be said, I saw it. I saw something unbelievable, something so monstrous, so insane in form. Blackened crisply, as if burned by the fires of hell, rotting away, melting skin and bone like hot tar. It stared down with red eyes, glowing perhaps, myself finding it difficult to recall.

The sheets flew into the air, as did your deep inhaling of oxygen as I jumped on the bed to save you. A silent proclamation, I made at that moment. In my swings and curses into the night sky, I found my madness greater than ever. I was protecting you, wasn’t I? I shoved my fingers into the deep sockets of your eyes, my lips against yours, muffling the screams. New paint, freshly cut and plastered against the wall. Once my arm had grown weary, as did the rest of my body, I gazed deeply into the blank expression you showcased through your deathly grey pupils. Only then, did I realize, that I was your truth, and you were my lie. Flowers I had brought you that day. Crimson red, buds clinging onto the ground.

I found a mirror in your eyes, and I saw the beast again. It was truly something monstrous, something insanity itself may call home. Wishing of sin upon me, lies of hope to creully cover like a curtain the truth of my life. I am your truth, and you were my lie. The glare in your eye against the light, the face of which I despised as mine. Calm I need of been, and I found myself becoming my own sinful lie.

“Just take a deeper breath and give it time, just protect your mangled state of mind. Keep the insanity out, gulp your remorse and chew down your heretic tongue. Death does not weigh you down, it’s obvious when I see you. You’re still full of life, yet you don’t know it. Believe in me, believe in yourself, believe in life, and believe in death. They will both touch your soul at one point in time, but one will stay ever-present within your glory. Now, calm your nerves, take a deeper breath, and give it time. “