Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26893881-20150804211908/@comment-25547916-20150805001646

This is pretty well written, I enjoyed the langauge throughout. My only real concern is that the idea isn't particularly unique, but I think the delivery is good enough to make up for it. Some minor issues that caught my eye:

The quotation seem a bit out of place in the penultimate paragragh as it was the only spoken line in the piece; maybe don't show it as a direct quotes.

The simile with the "falling piano" felt a bit out of tone with the rest of the piece.

The beginning isn't particularly interesting; it just opens with a bland introduction.

In the second paragragh, the comma after "noticed" doesn't seem to be neccessary.

In the last paragrah, the first line should have a comma before "and".

Overall, this isn't a particularly new idea, but your writing nice enough to make it a pleasant read. I nitpicked it a bit, hope you don't mind.