Talk:War-Torn/@comment-26030957-20150605210559

That was some excellent writing there. I can tell that you did a lot of research on this and it shows. I have never heard a Vietnam War story told through the eyes of an Australian before and it offered a fascinating perspective. To view the war through the eyes of someone who is not either American or Vietnamese really shows it in a new and novel (for me at least) light. Really well done. The scene with the woman giving birth was excellent.

I do, however, have a few issues. Agent Orange was a type of herbicide used to try and defoliate the jungles. It contained the toxic substance dioxin. Dioxin can cause birth defects, and could maybe cause a still born birth. So the birthing scene worked. However, when you describe, bodies as "bald, red, and blistered.... as if the fires of Hell had swept through the village," you are not describing the effects of Agent Orange. Agent Orange is an herbacide similar to Round Up. You are describing napalm a type of jellified gasoline used in napalm bombs that incinerated everything it touched. Like the clothes of that little girl running naked down the road in that famous black and white photograph.

You also describe the enemy army as North Korean. This is a typo, right? Tell me if I'm wrong.

Finally, the ending lacked punch and power. I understand that you are ending it on a nihilistic note the poetically speaks of man's inherent nature in manner of negations with "that just got me thinking about what sort of weapons must exist now." Which is great and arty and subtle, but this is creepypasta and I wanted something more spooky and eerie. I know this is so cliche and I feel like a fool for even saying it but, if he was--like--haunted by the ghost of the woman and her baby. Or saw them in his dreams. You know what I'm saying? Something more horror and less social commentary. Even if you gave him a deformed baby after he gets back. Lots of veterans had deformed babies because of Agent Orange. (and make the baby a cannibal-vampire-zombie with wings who sleeps in a cave and rips apart lovers making out at rest areas--oh, so sorry about that, that was my ridiculous side acting up again)

So, in the end this reviewer found this to be an extremely well written and powerful piece offering a unique perspective on the Vietnam War. I noticed some flaws and felt the ending a little flat but over all excellent work.