Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5335795-20150104005506/@comment-25326117-20150104044733

I think you need a comma in The night was young, a beaten and mentally-abused Batman was left aching.

You should probably end the sentence after aching and then start on a new one. Maybe like, ''He was sitting in pain,  in the Bat Cave after weeks of torment by the Court of Owls. (I capitalized Cave'', because it's part of the name that is Batman's base). (I also capitalzed Court of Owls, because you seem to be talking about a group and Court of Owls, isn't that their name)? I think a comma might help as a comma might be needed to explain where Batman was and the length of time he was gone.

Arkham Asylum and Ace Chemicals might need to be capitalized like how I wrote, because they're the names of specific places.

Ace Chemicals should be capitalized and it might need a comma, perhaps this might work. ''Batman arrived at Ace Chemicals, the place that started the Clown Prince of Crimes's reign of supremacy. Clown Prince of Crimes ''might need to be capitalized, because it is a title that Joker goes by, right?

''Haynes? I think you mean heinous. I don't think heinous should be capitalized, perhaps the sentence would do better as, Batman walks in the front door of this abandoned building, the Joker stands there with the most heinous grin that Batman has ever seen on his face. ''

I think you might need a semi-colon and some commas in  Right there, right in front of him, there were the corpses of his two dead, rotting parents hung by a single strand of rope; both of their faces were painted with the signature Joker makeup.  I hope this sentence helps.

This just sets Batman over the edge something in his head snaps the Joker has taken it to far this time.  Perhaps, the sentence would sound better like This just set Batman over the edge, something in his head snapped; the Joker has taken it too far this time.  I am not sure if it helped, past tense is kind of confusing for me.

The pain and anxiety that the Joker had caused him for all these years from paralyzing Barbara Gordon from the waist down to murdering Jason Todd Batman just let’s all his anger and frustration on the Joker with every punch getting more and even more brutal.  Maybe, you can add some commas like The years of pain and anxiety that the Joker had caused him; paralyzing Barbara Gordon from the waist down to murdering Jason Todd, Batman just lets all of his anger and frustration out on the Joker with every punch becoming more and more brutal.

''The Joker just takes it and encourages him by saying “come on Batsy finish me HAHAHA” but joker knows he wouldn't go that far. Maybe, you could add this as one whole sentence like, The Joker just takes it and encourages Batman by saying, "Come on, Batsy, finish me, HAHAHA," but Joker knew he wouldn't go that far.''

''why would he go that far he hasn’t went this far before.  Maybe, you should have this as it's own sentence like, Why would he go that far, if he hasn't went this far before?''

As Joker falls on down onto his knees Batman looks into his beaten and bloody face and snaps his neck with his bloody hands killing him instantly with a loud Crack.   The sentence might sound  better like this, The Joker falls to his knees, Batman glances at the clown's beaten and bloodied face, then he snapped the Joker's neck with his own bloodied hands, thus killing his arch enemy with a loud CRACK.  What do you think?

''Jokers lifeless body lays there as Batman thinks to himself I've finally done it, it's all over now it was that simple. I wonder if this sound better to you, Joker's lifeless body laid there, and Batman thinks to himself, "I've finally done it!  It's all over now!  I can't believe it was that simple!"''

Batman grabbed the joker by the hair and dragged him into the very same chemical vat that turned a petty thief into the most evil person of all time. The sentence is good, but it might sound better as, Batman grabbed the Joker by his hair and dragged him into the very same chemical vat, that had turned him from a petty thief into the most evil person of all time.

Batman walked out into the dead of the night with a huge grin on his face.  I am confused, if walked should be ''walks. ''

My Feedback:

''I think the story sounds good, but it just needs some work. What happens to the Batman after the Joker's death? Does he turn to a life of crime? If so, who is there to go after Batman? The story is too short, and it might help to go more into depth about the relationship between the Joker and Batman. How did the Joker get Batman's late parents? ''

''I hoped that my advice helped. The story has potential, but criticism draws it out more.''