Talk:Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger/@comment-5733573-20180620000713

I like this. It was fun, and the narrator's complete lack of reaction is just delightful. There's one sentence that gets under my skin, though:

- ''I followed him into the back, and he closed the door behind him as he fiddled with a lock on another door. ''

This is a pet peeve of mine. You can only use "as" here if Tony was doing both of these things at the same time, which doesn't seem to make sense in context.

That's really my only criticism. The rest of the story is golden and really makes me want a burger.