Talk:Ixodida/@comment-25226524-20160826212803/@comment-28266772-20160827124114

Thank you for the review! And yes I do not need to tone down my commas xD reading over this though I can see that I might come back soon and fix some minor things. There are also some parts of the wording I don't like. As for the themes it's hard to say. I wrote it as a bigger Give it Everything, intending to take that same idea of something imitating a loved one and apply to it a romantic plotline (I'm considering a third extension of that idea, but with a child). But yeah there are bits of everything in it, with domestic abuse being a big part. I was going to elaborate a bit on Skit and Toni's relationship to clarify that he'd previously been in an exploitative relationship with her, but I felt like the ending would be more brutal if he was someone sympathetic and not just a jealous prick. Something else I was going to include but which got cut for simplicity's sake would be the idea that Toni is aware that the 'nightmare' she had was real, but still chooses to stay with Andrew. I would have liked to her to actively choose her new life - as it is she kind of lacks autonomy.

Oh well! I'm really glad you liked it. It was one of my more ambitious stories and your encouragement means I'll probably return to this sort of story soon.