Talk:Tobit: The Lady and the Maiden of Knowledge/@comment-25941663-20160205012849

(Ctrl+F to find)

There is a verb missing between 'Al' and 'about': "Al about the small restaurant, his movements made slow"

"She those edges slowly blended to a darker hue" - There's something missing here too, between 'She' and 'those'.

"Well, I’ll be! You really is da Lady Soka!" - I think there's something missing after "I'll be".

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The first scene at the Cajun Camelot dragged on a bit. It's not a big issue, but I found myself wanting to skip ahead at the paragraph before Albert T. Gator introduced himself. Speaking of Al, his character was fantastic and his accent was superbly used in here. It fit perfectly.

Maria was nicely fleshed out too, and all three of them were a joy to read. The group and their dynamics were very enjoyable. It's rare seeing anthropomorpic creatures pulled off that well, especially in creepypasta.

I loved the "Sisters and the Shack" chapter. It was fantastic and I especially enjoyed the flashbacks.

The scene with Thaddeus the Pink on "The Ferry" (where he questions Maria) was a bit of a let down to be honest. You built him up as a great villain, but we just got a questioning man. I'm not saying it was bad and it kinda fit well with the rest of the dream, but in my opinion he doesn't seem dangerous enough.

The dream world you created was fantastic and you pulled off that idea in a very impressive manner. It was very vivid and interesting. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Tabitha was great in this. You did a great job developing her further.

Lastly, I really want to commend you on the flow of the story. It hooked me in and if I wasn't in the midst of exams, I would have finished this in one-two sittings. You always had this with your stories, but I'm glad you're getting even better at it. Well done and good work.

All in all, this was an excellent read and I loved it. Looking forward to the next installment.