Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25389996-20140918210915/@comment-25558572-20140919205057

First off, lost episodes are a blacklisted subject, so this would be deleted immediately if it was uploaded. Check over the full list before you make a pasta next time.

Your sentences in the first paragraph are choppy and bland. They read like a summary of a story instead of a story itself; there’s little description to give imagery and nothing to interest the reader. If I wasn’t reviewing this I would probably stop reading.

Already we have the highly overused cliché of blood and the color “bloody red” in this lost episode.

Black eyes are another overused cliché.

Pointless violence, the word “demonic” used as a standalone adjective, and the MC not turning of the TV. This is pretty much all of the most common lost episode clichés used in just a few paragraphs.

“ Soos was taking a shit.”

Is this supposed to be a trollpasta? Why would you put a line like that in a scary story?

“My computer then crashed. I was screaming so hard. I hated Bill Cipher forever.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.5pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"Georgia","serif"">I then took the disk, and threw it in my fireplace.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.5pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"Georgia","serif"">So, if you ever find a disk called Bill Cipher's revenge, please, do not buy it.”

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.5pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"Georgia","serif"">It seriously seems like you’re trying to jam every cliché you can into this short piece. Your phrasing is still very bland and basic, with short sentences and almost no imagery other than blood.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.5pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"Georgia","serif"">Overall, pretty much the only thing you did right was get the grammar, spacing, and punctuation right. But this was an extremely clichéd and completely unscary pasta that felt rushed because of how little effort you seemed to put into the content. I can’t believe that you worked very hard on this simply because it looks like it was written in one sitting and was almost unbelievably lacking in originality, with a copy-pasted plot and flat characters.

<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:10.5pt; line-height:115%;font-family:"Georgia","serif"">And after all this, you seriously say “No one appreciates my hard work”? Time doesn’t equal quality. You may have spent a lot more time on this than I got the impression of, but it’s still extremely poor quality. And just because you wrote something doesn’t mean you are obligated to receive feedback, let alone only good feedback.