Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26120500-20150218001932/@comment-26027160-20150218185155

First, edit the paragraphs. This is a wall of text. Second, paste this into Word or another similar program and correct the grammar. The worst issues are capitalisation, run-on sentences and punctuation (,' "". ). These mistakes make the story barely readable/understandable.

The story is quite rushed and doesn't really make sense yet (thank run-on sentences ). Who was this Bright Eyes? Why did he contact the victims by email? Sorry, I just didn't get this: "i read it and was horrified it said 'you know to much taylor' my eyes widened while reading it and the email was signed 'B.E' i asked Taylor who B.E was 'bright eyes' he said i laughed at that how would something that didn't exist send him an email 'Tay this is probably someone playing a joke' he sighed and sat on the bed 'who is bright eyes anyway' he explained everything to me and to say i was shocked was an understatement 'that couldn't of been him sending the email though right?' just as i said that another email came through."

I can only guess which character said what. You repeat several things (eyes widened-horrified). "I was shocked was an understatement", "That couldn't of been him" (Sorry, what? Have?), "he sighed and sat on the bed" (he apparently sighed and sat on the bed at the same time). Finally, the quoted sentence is long enough to be a paragraph. You should divide it into smaller, simplier sentences. And remember that dialogue always starts with a new paragraph.

Sorry for being harsh, but this story isn't close to the Quality Standards yet. I suggest to take a look at them.