Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26488452-20150612025810/@comment-26488452-20150612163010

Whitix wrote: There's nothing to give feedback on. The idea's solid; you shouldn't really ask others how to improve your story before you write the story. You don't want anyone else encroaching one your vision for the work.

That said (so prepare for some hypocrisy), I've written similar stories (hooray for shameless self promotion!) on subjects like these. That story deals with the narrator discovering a classmate is verbally and sexually abusing another classmate, and his inability to understand it. It's not quite the same as yours, but it's based on true events as well, so I get why you want to write about this (and it sounds like a shy thing to deal with; sorry you had to deal with that).

My only real advice would be to add outside events. Your idea seems nice for a story, but not really a creepypasta. On it's own, there just doesn't seem to be any horror attached to it. Yes, he may plot to kill said girl, but that sounds more emotional and linked to his damaged state than anything creepy. I'd try and add paranormal or psychological events to ease horror into the story. Actually, I forgot to mention I was going to add psychological dreams and traumas into the story to add horror or creepiness, but I keep on thinking that it will ruin the story. These dreams would involve the torture of the guy when growing drepressed and the torture of the girl when in a fit of rage, all when his depression and the feuds at school gradually become worse. Also, this tale wasn't really intended to be pure horror, as both of you guys said, but more of a psychological thriller, which I don't know this kind of genre is accepted on this wiki. I'm glad you guys are accepting this idea and I hope to bring some more in the future. Thank you and I hope to talk to you all soon.

With hope for me and terror coming for you,

Samuel B. Foster (talk) 14:02, June 12, 2015 (UTC)Samuel B. Foster