Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10319977-20141211171540/@comment-24101790-20141213180400

A few things. I would suggest breaking up dialogue and starting it at new lines. Having multiple people speaking in a paragraph can make it confusing.

As seen here: "Hey... uh..." She started, trailing off as she stared in concern at the almost panting boy in the doorway. "Are you alright?" she asked him, now with a hint of fear in her voice. "Y-yeah!" Josh stammered out, puzzled as to why she asked the question. "Okay..." she responded, unconvinced. "Well, uh... I'm Serah, and as cliche as it is, my mother sent me over here to borrow a couple cups of sugar." She expected a response, maybe some laughter, but the boy just stood there staring at her. Though it made her uncomfortable, she continued. "Do you have any?" she asked, half expecting him to lunge at her with a knife hidden behind his back. "Oh!" Josh responded, shaking his head at his own awkward behavior. "Of course. I'll get it for you right away!" He rushed off into the kitchen, almost breaking into a full sprint. This only made the girl more skeptical of his sanity.

Each speaker change should start a new line to improve the flow and eliminate any possible confusion as to who's speaking.

I found a few minor punctuation issues: "I'm not your house maid you lazy pieces of-" and wording issues. "...curiosity was peaked." should be "piqued." Piqued=to stimulate interest/curiosity. Peaked=past tense of peak, to look

Minor grammatical issues that were present in your micro pasta as well. (it's=it is, its=possession) Just Control+F to check them.

The story seems fine as a standalone and is probably ready to be uploaded to the site with some of those changes I mentioned.