Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35817505-20180611125531/@comment-26227302-20180611151444

This story has quite a lot of issues. Firstly, I'd advise checking over your spelling, grammar and punctuation, as I spotted quite a lot of errors. For example, 'funiral' and 'lukimea' are not spelt correctly, and names such as 'Shadow' and 'Midnight' should be capitalised all the time, so should the start of sentences and the word 'I'. If you're using Microsoft Word, the inbuilt spell checked and grammar on there should be really helpful for correcting these problems, or you could use a site like Grammarly.

Make sure you check your work before you post it, as some of the sentences don't really make much sense, like "Along with Breanna's eyes her red, as if she was crying just before". Maybe you have a friend you could share your story with to help you check it?

I had a hard time understanding exactly what was going on, but as I read it, the girl got possessed by the spirit of her dead cat? With some more work, particulalrly with the grammar and spelling, you could turn this into a good story. Rather than just describing what the main character watches on the video, perhaps you could talk more about how they feel about what they're watching, or other things going on their life to make the story more exciting? Also, CDs don't have videos on them, do you mean a DVD? That would fix some of the confusion. I don't really understand the final part. Did Shadow the cat actually die? If not, what happened to Breanna? I think maybe clarifying what you want to suggest might make the ending a little clearer.