User talk:Jonesy149

Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied.

'''DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules.'''

Read the Deletion FAQ and our Style Guide for Writing for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make.

Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards.

For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback.


 * I'm afraid I had to delete your story, since it didn't meet the QS. You show a lot of potential though, so I will drop you a few pointers so you can improve.


 * The main issue with your story is that it brings nothing new to the table. It is neither bad nor good. It doesn't grab the reader's attention and goes unnoticed. Its predictability is one of the causes of this. Marionettes turning evil, siblings getting lost and forgotten magically and children turned to dolls have been overdone. It would have been OK if you went with one of these cliches, but you hit all three marks.


 * Apart from that, there were some technical issues you need to iron out.


 * a) Dialogue. I suggest you read this. It's a guide on how dialogue works in stories.


 * b) Grammar. Example:


 * "I stood there and watch as I was paralyzed" - It is 'watched', not 'watch'.


 * c) Wording. Example:


 * "lifeless eyes started into mine" - It is 'stared', not 'started'.


 * d) Awkward phrasing. Example:


 * "I was mixed with a feeling of confusion and disbelief as the room was empty" - This is written awkwardly. Even though we say one has a mix of emotions, we don't say that someone is mixed with emotions. Also, the effect-cause you went with 'as' is flaky. The feelings didn't come up because the room was empty, but because the narrator saw the empty room. You could write something like "A feeling of confusion and disbelief overtook me at the sight of the empty room." It is not perfect, but it is closer to the events. Even though such changes are small, in the long run they make a story better.


 * I hope this helped. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. Happy future writings! MrDupin (talk) 18:51, June 17, 2017 (UTC)