Talk:The Last Day of October--Short Hoggers/@comment-25941663-20151221165838/@comment-4893169-20160217232542

''MrDupin wrote: I believe I've already reviewed the first two chapters, so I skimmed over them and dove straight into Chapter 3. But what I'll write below applies to all chapters.

You should spend more time telling a story and less time developing lore and describing costumes/people/buildings/etc. This got very confusing and disorienting. The descriptions/lore surely built atmosphere and give readers a look on how the world in your head looks like, but too much of that and readers will get lost. At times I had trouble following what was happening and that's bad.

The imagery you create is great and all, but the plot just isn't there. Writing stories is like making macaroni and cheese. Macaroni is plot and cheese is description. You put in tons of cheese and much less macaroni, and it just doesn't work.

Out of all the chapters, only the fourth one had a clear-ish plot, and that's not good enough.

I could go on and on, but the point is this: You need to focus more on plot/events and less on creating a world. You are trying to cram in a ton of world building and that leaves very little room for actual story.

I'm sorry I'm harsh, but I've read a couple of your stories and I've always pointed this out. Your imagery-creating skills are great, but you need to work on your plot developing skills too.

I'm afraid I don't have much more to say. You just have this one issue with your stories, everything else is pretty much top-notch stuff. But everything gets overshadowed by this glaring issue and it's a shame because it doesn't seem like you are trying to fix it.

I'm being honest with you because this material has tons and tons of potential. If you put in the effort to fine-tune your writing, you'll be writing masterpiece after masterpiece.''

Well, I added a bit more to further explain the possible origin of this monster so maybe that had helped clear up the plot a bit.