Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26360867-20160127055942/@comment-27675561-20160127152326

One obvious thing, although I think you have more than enough answers already... First thing I noticed was take it easy on the enter key, there. nothing needs to be spread out this much, the read is really really not smooth. It's irritating to a reader. If in doubt, just go look at all the rest of the pastas that have already been on this site. What do they look like? Or better yet- Pick up a story book. Any book. Goosebumps, Poe, Steven King, Twilight, a romance novel- Doesn't matter. Writers somewhat have a conformity in writing. Make it look like a book, get used to that flow. (And yes I know, they all have different writing styles. BUT you can tell, they all have the same roots and foundation in english literature.)

Getting special and unique with paragraph structures and spacing should come later on, when you can feel it. I guess. If that makes any sense. There's things you can do here and there that makes the flow choke up a bit for a dramatic, but powerful sentence or something. It's like a freeze in a comic strip, a panel with no dialogue. It makes a gap between the setup and the punch line. But... I don't see a reason for the sturcture in this one. All the dialogue in the middle of the pasta I think could be compiled into a single, simple paragraph.

But I don't know, that's just my ten cents- My few grains of salt. Do as you like with them. Maybe it's just me. I hope it helps a little.