Welcome to Hell

Ah, hello. I see you finally arrived Mr...Streign is it? Viktor Streign? By the look on your face, I can see that you are confused. Well, let me just be the first to welcome you to Hell. I’m Beelzebub, Satan’s Number 2 and consultant. I don’t usually meet with our new guests, but with you I had to make an exception. Now, here’s something you need to know-we pride ourselves on the method of working hard. If you work hard enough, you get higher in the corporation. Of course, you’ll never go “up there” but you can still get easier jobs as time passes. The more heinous the crime the lower you start, of course.

Now sir, I understand your fear and curiosity but please refrain from looking at the sacrifices. It tends to disrupt their blood flow, and that’s the most important part of the job. The demons work hard enough to give them the proper ratio of blood flow to pain-1:99. Anyway, I’m still waiting on your files to get here so I can assign you to your post. Until then, let us continue the tour of Hell. Trust me when I say this’ll be your best chance to get any look at anything other than your job for the next few thousand years. Now, through here you’ll see the first really important place to AVOID. This is where we keep our…“special” pet. Now just through here. Down boy, down. I know he smells good, but you can’t eat him yet. If you do it this early, then you won’t get any treats. Sorry, Cerberus is a little feisty when it comes to potential food.

Now where was I? Ah, right. We need to continue with the rest of the tour…which will not happen because Zackary has just given me your files. He’s the head demon in charge of information. If it wasn’t for him, this place would be chaos. We don’t really like chaos despite what people think. We prefer torture to be orderly. It helps the job if everything runs efficiently. Now, why are you here...Ah ha! There you are! Oh dear. Seems you were a terrorist who died destroying a hospital in Ireland. Tisk tisk. I have one job that can be done given this. How do you feel about turning dung?