Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25027555-20140605190412

I woke with a start, clutching at my whimpering heart. It took me a few seconds to realise I was awake. Sitting still, I counted six slow, deep breaths. Lately, any sleep I managed to steal was slathered with nightmares. Dreams of dying, running, killing, dreams that drained me emotionally every morning. Pulling off my covers, I rolled over and opened my window, tipping my head out and letting the cool air wash over me. I sighed, deciding to give sleep another chance.

6am. Exhausted. Birds hyped up. Coffee in hand I decided to do a bit of research on dream control, with a bit of practice I hoped to experience lucid dreaming. I had heard that in a lucid dream the dreamer is aware of the fact that she is dreaming. Research showed me that people could train themselves to be aware when dreaming, thus giving them a higher chance of exherting some form of control over their own actions in their dream, or of manipulating the experience of the dream. I jotted down all the tips the internet had to offer me on how to acheive lucidity, and how to recognise that I'm dreaming once I'm dreaming. It sounded like a fairytale, being able to actually experience your dreams and having control over them. I was willing to try anything, plus the idea of being able to explore a dream world was intriguing.

I slid into the kitchen poured myself a healthy splash of rum, drowning it in coke before I pinched my nose and swallowed. I hated rum, but it helped me sleep. Back in bed, I cleared my mind of thoughts and welcomed sleep. For once, I instantly dropped into it without a struggle. I was talking to a boy about pancakes, but I was scared of him. Terrified, in fact. I was trying to keep him distracted so he wouldn't hurt me. I looked down at my hands and saw that one had two thumbs. Was I dreaming? I was dreaming. I calmed down. I had control. The boy was angry. The boy was chasing me. I was choking on fear and I began to panic - I wanted to wake up, I willed myself to wake up. So I woke.

I woke but I couldn't move. My eyes were closed and all I saw was black. But I was awake, I could hear the birds chirping outside and my fan whirring in the distance. Yet I couldn't move. I began to panic, I felt like my heart would beat so hard it would leap out of my chest. I could feel the heaviness of sleep clawing at my brain. I fought it, I didn't want to go to sleep I needed to wake up. Yet the harder I fought the deeper I fell. It was getting hard to breathe. My chest was tightening up and I needed my inhaler, tucked in my bedside table. I had never had an asthema attack but I was sure this was it. I feared that if I went back to dreaming I would choke, my windpipe would tighten to the extent that I wouldn't be getting enough air and I would pass out. I tried to make a sound. I whimpered. I could hear it. I pushed with immense effort for any sound to come out of my mouth, and noises emmerged, muffled yet sharp sounds. I made myself get louder and louder, either to wake myself up or so that someone passing my window would hear me. I made the noises continuously, I sounded like a wounded animal. I heard pounding on the door. “ Hello? Are you alright?” I willed myself to answer in speech, but only noises ensued. My neighbour knew where the spare key was hidden and soon I heard a key in the lock. The door opened, I saw the look of horror on her face.

Then I woke up again. All I saw was blackness. I tried to move and I couldn't. There were no noises of anyone being around. I had fallen asleep and dreamed her. I tried to make a sound, but nothing happened. I had never made any noise, that must have been in my dream too. My all too real dream. My lucid dream that allowed me to manipulate the dream, to create a neighbour that would save me. Yet nothing could save me from sleep paralasis. My chest was tight, lungs working overtime as I tried to calm down while my brain freaked out. Inhaler inhaler inhaler inhaler. I reached over and opened my drawer, puffing the life out of my inhaler. I took a deep breath.

I woke up to darkness. No inhaler. Audibly wheezing. Windpipe tighting. Still unable to move.

  