User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: EAS

Apparently the Creepypasta Land Wiki has stories of a higher quality than "The Build-A-Bear Workshop Massacer." No, seriously. I was on the site, looking for another story to Riff, when I came across this piece of...adequacy called "EAS." Now, this story was originally from the Creepypasta Wiki, but it was reposted on the Creepypasta Land Wiki. In case you're wondering, the story was deleted from the Creepypasta Wiki. Why? Well, let's interrupt movies, and Riff this bitch!

If you sleep with the TV on at night, you know what the EAS is.

''I sleep with the TV on at night, but I usually have the MST3K movie playing. I’m not even kidding. Also, the EAS doesn't always occur at night. Just saying.''

The EAS (Emergency Alert System) is an alert by the US Government to alert people in case of emergency. Like a storm or a tornado, when issued by the National Weather Service, or a federal emergency, such as a terrorist attack, hostage situation, or a

''(Narrator): …pretzel getting stuck in the neck of the president. ''

nuclear attack. But sometimes it's only a test.

Now the one I just saw recently wasn't normal and it sure as hell wasn't a test.

I was spending the night at my friend's house. It was around 4:00 A.M. and we were up watching horror movies. Miles is fun to be around. We seem to be great friends despite us having a lot of differences.

''(Narrator): Miles didn’t share my love of interpretive dance. ''

Although the two things we have in common is that we like horror films and video games.

We were sitting around on the couch drinking Mt. Dew and eating what had to be our fourth bowl of popcorn. Jason was just about to make a kill in "Friday the 13th" when the EAS came to interrupt.

''The EAS saved that fictional character’s life. Kind of.''

"ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT"

"ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT"

"ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT"

"EERT"

"EERT"

"EERT"

"Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop"

Still better writing than "White the Killer."

Miles sighed.

I covered my ears, wincing.

Because it’s not like you could mute the TV or anything.

"Alright, let's see what's so damn important."

"When this ends, so do you. Lock your windows"

''Wait, who said that last part? Hell, who said any of those lines? ''

Other than that message, nothing showed up. No text. No details. Hell, they didn't even include the location it was directed to.

A pretty good description of those two lines of dialogue you had before.

We waited one awkward minute for the thing to end. Now this was unusual. They normally at least showed something other than the "EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM" text on the top of the screen and such minor details.

The power went out.

DUN DUN DUNNNN!

...

Miles let out his usual "Damn it, damn it, damn it!" and I just sat there, jaw dropped in surprise.

We just went to bed after that. There was nothing else we could do.

You could stay awake with a flashlight, maybe tell ghost stories or jokes or something.

I lay awake. The events made me uncomfortable. I don't know if this was just a sick joke or what.

''If there’s one thing Creepypasta has taught me, it’s that if you think it’s a sick joke, you’re wrong. ''

I realized Miles was awake.

"Crap, man. What was that?"

"Probably just some glitch. I don't know about the voice, though.

''Voice? What voice? What are you talking about?''

The power was probably just a coinciden-"

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech

He was cut off by a scratch at the window.

''Wolverine wants to come in and say hi. ''

I could hear laughing and Miles' "HOLY SHIT!"

We got up and ran up the stairs as fast as we could from the basement. We ran up to his room upstairs.

Yeah, that laughing is from your guys’ reaction.

So many thoughts were rushing through my head. What was that? WHO was that? Hell, WHAT was that?!

''I don’t know. You tell me, story.''

We darted up the stairs as fast as we could, up the stairs and under his bed. Hiding, but exposing our faces enough that we could see what was about to come through the door.

We sat there horrified. We didn't make a sound. We couldn't afford to have whatever that was to hear us.

The opening of the front door from downstairs could be heard.

(Narrator): We really need to put WD-40 on that damn thing.

Then we heard the sound of footsteps, slowly walking up the long flight of stairs.

The door handle slowly turned. The door was pushed open.

The suspense was artificially drawn out.

The last thing we remembered about that terrifying moment was white glowing eyes, the smell of blood...

And the sound of the EAS alarm. "Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt"

''Yep, we end this story not on any answers of some sort, but on a classy, dignified Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt. Beautiful.''

END RIFF

For a story I found on the Creepypasta Land Wiki, this isn't bad. In general, this story isn't very good. I'll admit, it did have a pretty good opening. I wasn't sure what was going to happen or where the story was going, which is a good thing in this case. I was curious where it would go. However, it's where it ended up going that really ruins the story. The monster or whatever is never really explained. We don't know what it is. I wouldn't mind so much, except that this is supposed to be the crux of the story, and the scariest part. Yeah, it would be scarier if we knew what the thing was, or if it was better described. But instead, we get basically nothing. Also, what was with the EAS in the story anyway? Why was it there? It doesn't make much sense. Is it there because the government knows that the whatever it is exists and it's out and about? Does the creature make the EAS alarm noise?

That all being said, there are some good parts. The spelling and grammar is pretty good, which is always nice to see. Also, like I said, the beginning part is pretty good. I should probably note that I'm kind of creeped out by the EAS noise in real life, which is probably why I felt the beginning worked so well. Really, other than that, this story isn't all that good. Is it better than a lot of other stuff from the Creepypasta Land Wiki I've Riffed? Yeah. Is it good? Not really.

So, what do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish the...whatever that was would kill me? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.