Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25012337-20140520232253/@comment-9967354-20140521042551

Most of the story is badly worded, and sounds like a trollpasta. Why? Because I just cannot take the writer seriously. You're telling a story, not summarising it. I'll give you some instances from your story that put me off:

What he said made me uneasy.

He said...

Why do you have to stress on how strange the guy was if you want his evilness to come across as a shock? Rather than this, you can include the whole convesation, to make it more natural. Let the reader feel uneasy, not yourself.

Your protagonist has not paid attention in English class, it is all too obvious. I know she says she never had a decent education, but when she makes errors in phrasing her sentence, she comes across as ignorant. You can stuff in a few errors that aren't this evident.

Lastly, this:

He marked every one with an X but in different fonts

Get rid of that. Please.