Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26373253-20150625202138/@comment-24101790-20150626010332

Starting with the grammar portions:

Punctuation: I would suggest italicizing and putting thoughts into quotations to distinguish it from the rest of the story. Also quoted words can be in a single quotation for the same purpose. ((')What a lucky one you are,(') they would say.

(')It’s amazing you’re still alive,(') they would say.)

Wording issues: "thoughts teared (tore) you apart?", "My leg began to burn of (in) agony, and my chest started to burn (redundant, use another word) as well.", "When I woke up, I coughed out (up) blood.", "I wasn’t pretending they weren’t there." (double negative), "I was rushed to the hospital, were (where) they treated the stab wound..."

Story issues: "How did I end up in this situation? I tried to think of my personality.", The second sentence is a bit awkward and a bit of an odd jump for them to make. "The cops took me into prison for questioning" (Prison is typically for people who have already been questioned, jail/interrogation might be a better choice of words) "hear the honk (whistle) of the train on repeat," I would also suggest building up the protagonist's physical situation as well as his reflections on where he is to balance out the story a bit.

Ending it with the roar of the train with no explanation is a bit too vague and in conjunction with the man's reflections might result in too much uncertainty. I think ending two does a good job of wrapping up the story. If you want to use the third ending, I would suggest doing away with the stalker and instead imply that the man's paranoia/trauma is pursuing him and it's all in his mind as opposed to a physical person.

It's an interesting premise, but I feel like the third ending over-developes it a bit. I would enlist a bit more help and see which ending they favor and any suggestions they might have.