Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25825682-20150718213359/@comment-25037895-20150718220313

"I struggle for your attention," < Breaks the rhythm. Too short on syllables possibly.

"Why’d you ever send for your Zach?" < One too many syllables, breaks the rhythm.

"Off to the den you ignore me" < Doesn't add to the imagery, and it breaks the flow. (which was going really good to that point, in that stanza).

The poem seems to be telling, not showing. There should be a story told, some type of bigger picture that I'm not seeing here.