Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20181002204802/@comment-28428152-20181003035225

I love the subtlety, and I had to glance over it again to realize what was going on (not really a problem given its brevity). I definitely wouldn't change that, so as far as plot goes, I have no suggestions. However, the sentence structure is a bit basic and repetitive, and the word "she" is used a bit much so that it, too becomes repetitive. I would suggest going through and combining some of the sentences and rephrasing others to give it a little variety. I'd also suggest alernating between Mary's name and pronoun a bit more so that it doesn't get distracting