Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25091096-20140622041640/@comment-25091096-20140623220243

Hopia, thank you for reviewing. Grammar isn't one of my strongest suits, so for that especially, I am grateful for your feedback.

All of the grammatical errors have been fixed. Even the "strong and almost poetic" line has been altered. I won't lie, though. That was probably my favorite line in this whole pasta, but I see that I probably milked it too much. It has been altered.

Hmm, I'll try to find a way to make the content be more forward instead of just a letter.

LOL. Well I'm actually an African-American girl, so I guess that it wouldn't be all to weird. Although, I had no intention of this pasta having that kind of sass to it.

Well, the speaker is Lilith. The way I had this story planned out, I wanted the reader to think it was any other furious woman writing to her ex in the beginning. Then, they would slowly come to realize that the woman is Lilith as they get closer to the ending. On top of that, no names were to be used. (A similar approach was used in "A Little Gift" http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/A_Little_Gift. You don't realize it's the Devil who is speaking until later.) It would probably be best if I made her identity a bit more obvious. I'll probably drop her name somewhere in the content, but not in the title. I can't let you guys know who she is right off the back, that'll ruin the surprise!

CassistRabbit, thank you for taking the time to read this. :) Do you know about the myth of Lilith? That would probably help clarify the things you are confused about. Long story short, she was created the same way and at the same time as Adam, (Not from a rib, like Eve.) thus making her the actual first woman.  Adam wanted her to be subservient to him. She refused and left Eden. God sent 3 angels to get her back with the "100 children dying each day" threat. She still refused and became a demon/seducer/killer of children. She is mentioned in Jewish Mythology, but not in the bible. You can search it up for more details.

So, yeah. This would "kind of" be a retelling of the biblical story from Lilith's point of view. That whole ordeal plus her jealousy of Eve is what makes her hate Adam and his children (who is actually the whole of humanity, by the way.)

Like I said to Hopia, I'm gonna try to make her identity more obvious by mentioning her name probably, just so people could really understand the situation. The errors are going to be fixed. I'll probably make another thread to show the final edit. Boy, I'll try to see if I can shorten it a bit...can't make any promises. Other than that, I'm glad that you enjoyed my pasta.