Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24956612-20140518204844/@comment-24077689-20140519225729

Oh man, look at you, right out the gates with the oldest cliché in the book. You might as well go balls to the wall and just say “On a dark and stormy night…” and right after that you’re so cleverly meta, you know, having your protagonist be a fan of creepypastas! Wow!

Lets start this right of by me telling you not to use ellipses. It’s not necessary, it interrupts your story and it’s not very pretty and in this case is grammatically wrong. And I see you use this multiple times in your story. It’s not an automatic suspense builder.

This story is immediately nonsensical. There’s no build up here. It’s cliché, it’s hackneyed. Surely you weren’t reading the advice blogs or guides on this site; because this is exactly the kind of thing those sources would have told you not to do. Pretty much every part of this story is what we tell you to not do. This nonsensical plotline, this poor attempt at creating atmosphere by misusing one of the more straightforward grammatical tools.

It’s also pretty clear you didn’t proofread this; your story is home to a bunch of grammatical mistakes as well as spelling mistakes.

It’s almost like you’re trying to force me to feel paranoid. Frankly your little story-within-a-story bit comes off as a bit lame, I don’t feel any of these things, largely because the source of these feelings reads like some of the worst examples we have on this site. If I saw this I’d recommend it be placed on Trollpasta. Because it’s laughable at best.

All that being said, maybe you should stop using those guides and go read our writer’s advice blogs and guides. Quick and Dirty Tips is also an awesome resource for grammar help. Keep writing and you’ll get better, but this is not what you ought to strive for.