Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24989419-20140527232838

Hey guys, I wrote a pasta called Gloom. It was immediately deleted. Anyone see something wrong? I have no idea.

Tony walked through the dark hallway with a growing sense of unease. He had been shipped off to his aunt’s giant mansion while his parents attended a military conference. His aunt was gone to pick a few things up at the market... near 100 miles away. So Tony decided to explore a bit. Something he would soon regret.

Suddenly, Tony felt like there was someone... or something behind him. He whirled around. There was nothing but an impenetrable gloom permeating through the hallway, a dusky blanket. There was something wrong. The candles didn’t seem to give off enough light. Outside, through the windows were pitch dark, and it was only 5 in the afternoon.

Tony felt something brush against his cheek, and he started walking to the end of the hallway. He reached for the door knob, but when he touched it, he felt something black and wriggly. He jumped back and yelped. He examined his fingers, which were covers in a oily black substance. The candles were mostly dark now. He heard a voice screech into his ear, like nails on a chalkboard.

“Tony... The gloom has teeth. The gloom is everywhere. The gloom is watching.” Tony screamed and ignored the tugging on the back of his shirt, and the scraping feeling up and down his spine as he ran for the door and turned the knob, no longer caring about the slimy... thing on it. But the black ooze slowly wriggled up his arm, and tighty grasped him. He opened the door, but he felt the gloom pulling him back in. His aunt grabbed his arm, and shone a very bright flashlight into the corridor. The black ooze hissed and retreacted, and let Tony free with a sickening pop. His aunt gave him a firm look, as Tony stood there dumbfounded at the events that just took place.  