Talk:Persuaded/@comment-26325032-20150602205915

I wanted to like this.

The narrator isn't introduced until the 5th paragraph. I assume you tried to leave out details to let the reader fill them in, but it just makes the story feel rushed and not descriptive. By the end, most sentences start with "There was" or "There were," which is hard not to notice.

I do enjoy your take on a zombie story, but this could be so much better. Perhaps there could be more buildup of paranoia, fear, and uncertainty in the narration that would better show the psychological aspect of persuasion, as expected from the title.