Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24466828-20151031185433/@comment-26112985-20151103031200

BrianBerta wrote: Thank you for taking your time to read this. I was getting a bit worried that no one would offer any advice on this.

I haven't thought of a new title yet. Once I get farther into this, I'll probably come up with one. I'll tell you a couple ideas I have later in this post.

The word "I" is kind of hard to find different words which could replace it. Can you tell me different words I could use to replace it?

I don't think I really have much room for character development. Considering how I plan part 2 to be, I'm not sure if I could fit much in. However, I should be able to put some in at the very beginning.

I don't think that I need to give my character a motivation for why he bashed his head in. He was bashing his head in with the rock because the guy nearly killed him by choking him to death. If some one nearly kills you, you'd probably beat the shit out of them too.

Surprisingly, I didn't intend for this to take inspiration from 80's slasher films. However, can you suggest slasher movies you think I should take inspiration from because that's a good idea now that you mentioned it. Also, how could I expand on the 80's slasher setup?

Can you give me a couple examples of fragmented sentences in this for me to fix?

In case you're interested, this is what I plan to do in part 2. After the protaganist wakes up, he is tied up to a wooden plank with 4 other people (remember the 4 cars he saw at the beginning before walking into the woods? Those people were also captured). They find out that they have been captured by a crazy religious cult and they plan to burn them. There are also a few other things which will go on but I won't spoil them.

Also, I'm planning to change this pasta's title to the name of the religious cult which captured them. Do you think that would be a better idea? Changing the title would be a good move, and I'm sure if you did a little research you could find a good number of real religious cults operating today that are fairly dangerous. There are some paganistic people who follow violent rituals, I've heard rumors of a copycat Charles Manson Cult, as well as other various insane followings. Give it a good bout of Google research, you'd be amazed at the things some people beleive.

It would probably be advisable just to reword the sentence altogether using a little more language. That way the use of "I" doesn't seem so awkward. I guess I didn't really explain this very well, my apologies, anyway, heres an example of what I mean...

Instead of: "I drove up to the woods. I saw 4 other cars there."

''' Maybe this? " ''' Upon driving up to the woods where I would take my hike, I noticed that four other cars were parked on the edge of the thick gravel beside the trail leading into the semidarkenss of the wilderness."

I guess that what I'm trying to say is; a little detail can go a long way.

In terms of character development, I can agree that here, that may not be absolutely necessary, its not like you're writing a longish pasta here.

I suppose you are correct, once someone makes an attempt on your life, you sort of have to be prepared to strike back in return. Oddly enough, this is all sort of reminding me of Wes Craven's "The Hills Have Eyes," a movie in which a family is forced to tap into their inner savage when they are attacked by a group of merciless cannibals in the desert.

Speaking of movies... Slasher films. I'll say it here and now, I love these movies to death, and I'm glad I got a chance to talk about them here.

A good slasher movie setup typically involves this... a group of people, usually young ones, all get together and do something they shouldn't, or go somewhere they shouldn't, such as trying to reopen an abandoned summer camp (hell, even attending summer camp is a sin), bully the quiet girl who never did anything to them, have sex, do drugs, go to a family reunion, visit the house of an old relative who died long ago, or (in this case) go hiking. These character(s) are then stalked by a mysterious killer, who picks them off one by one gradually, usually with the use of some kind of sharp weapon or farm equipment, until a blood soaked and exhausted "Final girl" (Who is, very rarely, a boy) makes it out alive. I've included a list of some of my favorite slashers below...

Scream, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th (this is probably a go to movie, since it mostly takes place in or around the woods, come to think of it, all four of the original Friday the 13th movies are horror classics that take place in a rural area, definitely check it out), Sleepaway Camp, The Burning, You're Next, Urban Legend,The House on Sorority Row, The Slumber Party Massacre. Do tell me if you need more suggestions.