Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5553246-20151209233331

So as some of you may know, my Creepypasta "The Shadow Dimension" was deleted and for good reason. After it was deleted, I re-read it and it was mind numblingly awful. Anyways, I'm writing a new Creepypasta and I'm taking a bunch of the critisms about The Shadow Dimension to heart. I'm trying to make the sentences more complex, have deeper themes, keep the focus in one location (the protagonist's home most likely) and I've got a fantastic idea for a plot twist just as soon as I think of a good way to execute it. Anyways, before I post it, I'll be submitting it the Writer's Workshop board to make sure it meets the Wiki's standards. Anyways, here's my opening paragraph, let me know your thoughts:

We treat fear as a weakness, a curse. Why? What is there to avoid? What if fear is an advantage? What if it is a warning, meant to prepare you for the day of your imminent demise from the moment you were born? 