Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-11335105-20140515010838/@comment-11335105-20140516113336

Resident DeVir wrote: I'm glad you put dates there. I do think the relationship should have lasted longer than a half a month, though, seeing as how she's so crazy about him.

That's also something you could talk about: all the things she loves about him, all that he does that makes her love him. The diary is her place to write down all her thoughts and feelings, so something superficial like, "My boyfriend is a sweetheart..." is really insufficient. Explain why he's a sweetheart.

Similarly, in the days between the break-up and her assaulting the ex-boyfriend, you could go into details writing about the intense feelings of betrayal, the burning pain of having been dumped when all seemed to be going so well. Have her go into long rants about her bastard ex-boyfriend and the slut he's with now.

There could also be more diary entries; the more we know about Ashley, the more we care about what she's going through.

Finally, there is no reason to keep the boyfriend's name a secret. "...incase a stalker grabs my journal..." is an odd excuse to not add a name, seeing as how most people don't expect to have their diaries stolen. Adding the names of people, places, and the like helps give your story identity, and identity is necessary if we are to sympathize with any of the characters. In the story Ashley is super obsessive and isn't too open about her feeling, but maybe I can change things aound and show some more feeling.