Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25365080-20150419160134/@comment-26007602-20150420045926

Have you ever read Stephen King's short story, The Man Who Loved Flowers? Because that's exactly what this story reminds me of. And that's a good thing. Give it a read if you haven't; you'll see the similarities and possibly find more ideas for improvement.

I like the twist in the story. The problem is that it is far too predictable. I appreciate the subtlety that is already in place; the character's thoughts and observations for the first bit do a very good job of warding off suspicion. I'd expand on those and try to mislead the reader on what the story is really about.

The problem arises on this line: "Someone got skinned in his own house. I mean SKINNED." First off, you need to add more lines before and after this one, to better hide it in the commotion of the city. You'll also need to tone it down a bit or tone the other ones up a bit, so that it doesn't particularly stand out. You want the skin falling of the dude's face (Which was pretty good; I like how the creature isn't immediately hostile. He knows he'd be exposed, so he flees) to be more of a surprise. We as horror enthusiasts currently KNOW that this line is important, and since there is only one character in the story, we know who the skinner is. Make this line more subtle. Mislead the readers a bit more and expand on the character. Make him take a longer walk through town. It's a good start and a great premise; keep going.

One thing that bothered me was this line: "New York is literally vibrating with life..." No, it is not literally vibrating with life. That's just a nitpicky issue I have though.

And for the record, be a bit more patient next time; people who can't always review your stories first thing.