Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25012337-20140520232253/@comment-24550863-20140521020443

Here goes.

The grammer is, not very good. Some parts are spoiled because of it. :(

The story seems very rushed, especially at the end. There's a lot of cliche there. It feels like you put in a lot of effort at the start but got lazy or had a lack of time and threw evrything together at the end.

I have to say, this story isn't very original. Only the first half of the creepypasta got my attention. However it was very obvious that Robert was the murderer.

And the end makes no sense. I know that creepypasta are suppposed to be supernatural, but the way you write it makes it very unrealistic. Okay, so Robert turned out to be the main's uncle, and was actually a demon, and because the main defended herself once, he killed her just like that. :/ Robert seems like a very hot tempered demon.

I liked the last sentence though. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but this is my honest opinion.