Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20180905172721/@comment-36393004-20180905184206

My second read through I still haven't seen any major issues. I also went back to read the first draft and the comments. I am glad you added the details about paranoia that leads the reader to believe this man is delusional already. As far as the child dying first, the reader has no idea how long the family has been waiting in that room for the girl and no idea the torture that may have befallen them. This would answer why she dies last. You could even reinforce this by added details of possible prior torture to her family members.