User blog comment:Darkness rises/New pasta!/@comment-1631480-20140223002050

Okay, I understand where you're going with the idea. There's a lot I can talk about. Just remember not to take any of what I'm writing too personally and is just my opinion.

I thought how everything in your story unfolded was almost random, and this might have to do with the pacing. It all felt like it was happening so suddenly; were the events unfolding over a period of an hour? There needs to be more explaining. I had so many questions that were sadly unanswered, such as 'how did she become pregnant? why did she want to kill everyone? why did the doctor tell his assistant to kill her? why did she complain when driven to the doctors? why did she refuse  to go to the doctors for her pain? why didn't she question anything? how old was she (when I was reading she seemed about 8 years old, until I read she was pregnant)?, how come the doctor didn't perform his job properly? why is everyone screaming so much? wouldn't she have noticed earlier that she was pregnant? etc etc.

A little nitpicking; It didn't state anywhere that the doctor stitched the cut, but a little later in the story it said "feeling the pain where the doctor had stitched me up.". By the way she's  acting, I'm going to take a guess and say she's around 14 years old. I'm not sure any 14 year old would have the strength to kill someone by stabbing a scalpel through their  temporal bone, but I'm just assuming. Babies don't tend to be located in the stomach, but rather the womb. Here's a link I found for you regarding birth that I think will help you (non graphic). . She said " You should have helped me, then you would still be alive" to her mother, but early in the story it seems clear enough that her mother was trying to help.

When writing, try to develop every character in your story, even if they're minor, and give them unique personalities. Also, I find it helps to look at the story from another characters point of view. What would of the parents thought of her acting up all the time? Perhaps they thought she was having night terrors (which can happen from PTSD). Maybe she's just being troublesome. What about the doctor? What about the assistant, or the devil? Question everything when writing.

Also, proof read. Reading out loud really helps. And don't be afraid to spend months on one story.

Now, like I said before, I think the concept is good. Have you seen Rosemary's baby? (I haven't) The movie might influence you, it has some elements that reminded me a little bit of your story, from what I know. Keep writing, and strive to improve! :)