Talk:Ever Felt Another Presence?/@comment-5935787-20140703040159

This started out promising and it had some good ideas but the ending kind of didn't follow up. I liked the part where he was becoming aggressive being away from the spirit but it was a bit disconnected from the earlier paragraphs. The story kind of went like:

Paragraphs 1-5: There was something in my room with me.

Paragraph 6: Meh, now I'm used to it.

Paragraph 7: I was addicted to her and became aggressive because I couldn't be with her.

Ending: Oh yeah, and she has a corporeal form now.

I mean, the story itself was okay but there was no transition or anything to suggest that at any point he had befriended her. It just kind of happened between paragraphs, and no reason was ever given for it. The earlier paragraphs suggest that the protagonist was terrified of her, and then abruptly with no warning he just kind of says "Well, time passed and it's cool now." It was a good concept but it needed a little more fleshing out. I give this story a 6/10.