Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37138398-20190226191619/@comment-36627132-20190226211123

Spelling and Grammar Issues: First off, try to unbold your stories as it is unpleasant to look at (I should have mentioned this earlier). This story has some unnecessary capitalizations: "(Yes, I am under 18)" "yes" did not need to be capitalized, "Absolute Power corrupts Absolutely," only the first word needed to be capitalized. "Every since, I’ve catered Callus." first off it should be "ever since", second it should be "I've catered to Callus." "You hurt him?" this is a sentance fragment.

Plot Issues: "One example, and this is my first official “series,” as I would call it, is a chain of Skyrim fanfics of mine." I have to advise against saying that as writing popular Skyrim fanfics (and fanfics in general for that matter) isn't really much an achievement. Plus a lot of people on here are of an older generation who isn't really into that sort of thing. "a pair of glowing red eyes watching me in dark areas." this is a cliche that has been done a lot of times before believe it or not.

Plot Issues Continued: "Well, being the asshole I am" it is hard to take someone seriously when they say stuff like this. "I’m not fucking kidding." this goes ditto for what I just said. Then we have the cliche bully character who gets killed by the main character's first creation who somehow now exists which destroys any credibility your story had. On top of that this feels like a fanfic about your own character.

Plot Issues Continued: Ok so this bully gets killed by this statue and nobody sees it. It's there and your classmates are, I am assuming, just walking behind him? This makes the story more nonsensical. "They let me off with a warning, the left me to my devices." if they already came to the conclusion that the kid was innocent they wouldn't give him a warning because he did not do anything.

Plot Issues Continued: "Callus is my guardian angel. Whenever I go anywhere, he is there, following close behind." this makes the story sound even more like a fanfic about your own character. "A figment of my imagination" apparently not if he can actually kill people. "Don’t fuck with Callus, don’t fuck with me, and we'll get along fine." first off, this has been done before in so many Jeff fanfics in which Jeff kills whoever is messing with the main character/self insert, plus I think most people will agree that it is never a good idea to try to make yourself look edgy.