Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-43632659-20190826202857/@comment-35711173-20190828014154

Shiroiusagi503,

Bloody Spaghetti was correct. Your story lacks emotion and feeling. It's a series of "Just the facts" events. Good writing is based on emotions. Make us feel what the protagonist felt with your words.

You used the phrase "I got a bit scared, but then realized I was being silly." This attempts to show some emotion, but it fails because you are telling us and not showing us. Don't label emotions and move on, make us feel them. Have you ever been scared, really wondering if you were going to live or die scared? How did it feel? Did you pee yourself? Did your heart pound? Did your palms sweat? Make us feel fear.