Talk:The Harbinger Experiment/@comment-4066758-20150704180918

This pasta deserves more praise. The premise and execution were really good; there weren't any grammatical errors that I can think of; and it genuinely sent chills down my spine. The only problem I can see in this story is that it uses the words "scary", "horrifying," "frightened," and the like. That may seem like a petty issue, but that feels like overselling how scary the situation is. Whenever I see one of those words in a creepypasta, I feel as though the story (or maybe the author, I'm still unsure) is basically saying, "you may now be scared of this bit." It's kind of like that canned laughter you hear in a sitcom. Also, there were a few segments where it kind of goes into a new paragraph, but not really. Take this excerpt from the story, for example:

Our innate curiosity and lust for knowledge has not always led us to greatness, however. True evil and darkness have also been uncovered in humanities conquest of knowledge. And in the end, I fear this evil will be our doom. I do not say this from the standpoint of a great philosopher who has sat and simply pondered things either, no, I say this because I have seen it; experienced it. I was a part of it.

This is just a pet peeve of mine, but, when I see something like that, I'm often confused as to what you're trying to do. Are you starting a new paragraph? What? If the previous sentence ended at the very end of the line and that's just the text wrap at work, I can sort of understand, but when there's a long space between the period and the far side of the line, it's obvious that you hit the enter key of your own volition. If you're starting a new paragraph, at least put a blank line in between the two paragraphs, please. Barring that, if you're not going to put a line between the paragraphs, at least put an indentation at the start first sentence of the new paragraph so we know that you're starting a new paragraph.

Aside from that, this pasta is a very solid piece of literature. My final verdirct: 9/10