Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26242189-20170811025843/@comment-32461413-20170812224421

There are still some things that need to be adjusted. I'll just briefly list them.

-There still needs to be a motive for the creature to go into the house. Why exactly does he want to kill the gamer? Is he hungry or does he just enjoy killing people for fun? His motive isn't cleared up.

-I like the mentioning of the rotting animals inside, but I feel you could take that further by turning them into discarded food. Perhaps you could mention that they were half eaten or something along those lines. This is a great foreshadowing opportunity.

-The use of the word "bed" when the creature gets into the house is used too much.

-"A soft growl escaped my throat, (comma is not needed here) as I desperately attempting (attempted) to grab the boy's attention."

I must say, this story has come a long ways since the beginning. Keep it up!