Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25326117-20160701011727/@comment-25326117-20160702024611

Dr. Frank N. Furter wrote: Found a few noteworthy things:

"I don't know if anyone know this about me" should be (I think) "I don't know if anyone knows this about me"

"It probably could have been avoided if I had just got off my lazy ass and got the bus". I think you meant "got on the bus" and not "got the bus".

"I am okay for now, but if I continue to hurt myself. I don't know what's going to happen". Not sure if this works as two sentences.

There are a few other awkwardly-worded instances in your story, but I'm pretty sure they're intentional and you're just trying to imitate how an individual with autism may speak (as Christian stated above). I don't believe I have ever met/talked to someone with any form of autism, so this aspect of the writing is unfortunately lost on me. I think you know what you're doing here with the wording, however, so I'll just get in to the story now.

I thought the pasta itself was intriguing, and (as far as I can tell) is a pretty original idea. I agree with Christian that it wasn't "creepy" or "scary", but was a worthwhile read nonetheless. It was quite interesting seeing how the protagonist's autism and meltdown affected her. I will say one thing though, the ending feels pretty weird and not proper to end a creepypasta with. In fact, (as Christian again stated), this doesn't really feel like a creepypasta. I'm not saying this story is bad or anything (on the contrary, I think it's great), but I'm not sure if it's really appropriate for this site right now, as there's almost no horror aspect to it. You may have to get an admin's opinion on this story's publication.

So all in all nice job here, it's a good read, but you may have to get an admin's second opinion. I am wondering how I can possibly turn this into a horror. Do you have any ideas?