Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25743804-20141122100537/@comment-25809221-20141204150606

First things first, I’m trying out a new reviewing style where I review as I read. Hopefully this means I catch a lot more errors and be more helpful to you. I usually give it a once over first.

You start with a very strong opening. It catches my eye and my attention. However, it doesn’t really make sense for him to be so immediately scared. Granted, waking up to so many notifications is alarming, but isn’t necessarily bad.

“I tapped open the app and waited for it to load. Before I could tap the notifications tab, I couldn't help but notice a special banner at the top of the app. It said, ’Tell them you love them before it's too late.’” You could reword this a bit, especially the end. It’s a little awkward.

Hm, I could be wrong, but you should capitalize “The End” because it is a singular event.

I would give a few examples of this chaos on his newsfeed. Just snippets of people freaking out, etc. Something minor, but I think it would add to the story.

Grandma should be capitalized. Same with Mom further down. You use them as titles a few times, and should be capitalized as such.

The ending is a bit confusing. You’re implying the messages were from the future, correct? IT would be a lot more clear if you gave a frame of reference for the date in the first place.

Overall, this was good and I enjoyed reading it. Just go through and try to fix a few of those minor flaws, and you have a 10/10 story from me.