Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31477126-20170823183346/@comment-30307610-20170829212414

This will be my final thoughts on it as well unless you want to continue this debate (which I would enjoy).

A couple of things though. First it seems like you may be thinking that I'm sitting down with the OP and teasing out details that they haven't put in the story. This isn't the case. I, as a reader, without any prompting, have made an assumption that makes the story different to me than someone else who would interpret it differently. The other is that this discussion is derailing the topic. This is pretty much a debate on whether or not certain things need to be included or not. You seem to feel that all details need to be included such as more description of a monster or that a child researched something on the internet without owning their own computer.

I am not saying that people should read a story, say "that wasn't good", and then have the writer say "no it was because of these details I didn't include." What I am saying is that leaving out some details that aren't necessary is ok. It is not important that this kid researched on the internet at the library as it doesn't add anything to the story, nor does it detract from the story for this to not be included. The OP did say that researching the science behind sleep paralysis to calm his nerves sets up that the character is affraid. I really dont understand why this contradicts him getting a computer later. I guess to ease into it the OP can move the research until after he gets a computer, but again I dont feel like this is necessary.

The story is as outlined: Protag is affraid of the dark and has sleep paralysis. Protag tries to come up with solutions to his fear of the dark. Protag gets a computer to distract him. Computer reveals to Protag that there is something in the dark. Protag no longer is afraid of the dark as he would just rather not see what is really there.

As far as the eyes, the OP can go into more detail about the eyes, but I dont think that there really needs to be more of the monster. Maybe make it so that the light blinks on then a load screen comes on and it blinks out and when the light comes back on the protag can move again and whatever he thought he saw is gone. I think the issue is less about the monster not being described more, and more about how long he saw it for.

I understand that you do have a different perspective and that you are just giving suggestions. But the issue I see (and this is in no way a mark against you but more about how the quality is set up) is that if you are deleting something because it's not up to what you think it should be, whether you want to or not, you do end up molding stories. When someone asks "hey why was my story taken down" and you respond with your review, other than the mechanical issues, people are going to assume that they have to change the story as you say or their story wont be allowed to be hosted here. Just my two cents on it. I have enjoyed this discussion. Thanks.