Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28963682-20160711021212/@comment-28266772-20160711183615

Capitalization: Life is easier with a simple "Yes" or "No" instead of "Maybe" and hesitation. -> I would check the style guide here to see if this is right - I'm not sure.

Wording:  with their sound wave mouths -> you repeatedly come back to the image. It's useful the first time you use it but it'd be nice to see you use some different descriptors.

Further wording: Fourth paragraph from the end - the very long one - could use a good trim. A lot of it feels redundant and does nothing more than express the same questions the audience are already asking - it doesn't really tell us anything new.

Story:  Unfortunately, I have to have another surgery. I broke my toe, and they need to cut my flesh open to fix it because the bone is so fragmented. -> this undermines the trauma of the experience. I just think that it seems odd that this person would dive right back into surgery after undergoing this strange experience.

Story cont.: This story had some interesting ideas but I didn't like that it felt quite directionless. It feels like things just occur for no obvious reason. The room, the key, the monsters, the light source (flashlight etc.) - I think you could use something to pull it all together. It's not helped that you spell out every possible interpretation when in reality what you need to do is show us the evidence of these different possibilities, not just tell it outright. For example - if it was more than just a nightmare perhaps the narrator could find some small of piece of evidence that is highly supportive of that viewpoint - perhaps they could identify one of the various people from the cave as a real historical person who had actually lived. If you wanted us to ponder the metaphysical nature of the experience perhaps you could have the narrator find other reports from people who had experienced something similar. I'm not saying you have to overexplain - but a rhetorical question is not a substitute for a piece of storytelling.

Overall though this had few mechanical errors, and I thought some parts of it were pretty cool. The scenario as a whole is pretty freaky, and it's definitely an original concept and I think that's pretty hard to do. The monster design is pretty cool too - made me think of a piece of modern art that came to life. I can't say if it makes quality standards in its current form (and I'm tired so I could have easily missed out spelling/grammar mistakes so it might be worth getting feedback from someone else - everyone on this wikia is friendly and always willing to help so it can sometimes be worth asking, don't be shy), but as far as I can tell it's literate with no real spelling/gammar errors and is an original concept. It's up to you if you want to consider taking my feedback into account or just submit (again - cannot reiterate this strongly enough, I am quite tired and could have easily missed a mistake).