Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5697948-20140625061449/@comment-9967354-20140625155035

The font just killed my eyes. Also, this paragraph could be split up into at least two, so it isn't an ordeal to read.

As for the story? The idea seems interesting, but it isn't laid out very well. Especially the last bit, where, all of a sudden we delve into history. Most of it is abrupt, or seems like because it's put into a single paragraph, and the rest is pretty random -or seems like, again. Maybe you should rephrase most of it, which shouldn't be too hard because it's pretty short, to make the plot seem more consistent.