Hell.exe

The pasta
Have you ever wondered if it is possible to visit the afterlife without actually dyeing? The saying goes that you can only go to heaven or hell if your dead, but this is not entirely true. You can indeed have a brief visit to the afterlife and meet your dead friends, relatives and even meet god. Sounds good right? But there is one catch. It's not exactly easy. Many who have returned changed as individuals some even chose to take there own lives afterwards, many lost their sanity and only a small percentage remained what you'd call, 'sane' after their journey but all refuse to describe what they saw, but I'm different. I have been to both heaven and hell several times and in this article I'm going to describe how to visit hell and meet some of your dead relatives that have sinned throughout their mortal lives. For the journey you will need to be a well rounded individual with a strong mentality otherwise you will not be able to cope with what you see. Most importantly you will need to have killed somebody at least once in your life before you try this.

First you head to your church from 12:00AM to 1:00AM on a Sunday night, if the door lis locked gain entry somehow, if impossible then try the second closest church. Once inside approach the altar and kneil down in praying position. Then in a monotone voice repeat this following scripture clearly, "Volo visere terram ubi cruciabitur igne et sulphure, quod cuique secundum modum sibi aeternum massae flumina ripas arboribus non crescit multa milia passuum, ubi pax non est." If done correctly you should fall asleep instantly and wake up in your room. On the edge of your bed should be a piece of paper. On the piece of paper their should be a link to a website (this link varies from person to person). Find an old computer with NO FUCKING INTERNET CONNECTION or ANY means of communication to the outside world, as you do not want the most horrifying demons imaginable to know your location. Boot up he computer and load up an internet browser and enter the link, despite the lack of internet connection you should be directed to a black page with a hyperlink in the middle stating your name and date of death. Whatever you do NOT click on the hyperlink instead save the page and view the HTML file in notepad. Scroll to the bottom of the document and there should be an address, make sure you write this down.

Once your finished with the computer take it as far away as you can and destroy it and never return to the church you visited again. A week later visit the address you wrote down and it should be an old abandoned warehouse that was never there before. Do not enter this building yet but instead knock on the door exactly 6 times if any more or less you will be greeted by the devil himself and you will be damned to a place far worse than hell. If all is well an old man should open the door and hand you a blank CD with the words hell.exe written onto it. Run this on another PC your willing to sacrifice with no inward or outward communication, on the CD should be two files diablo.jpg and hell.exe. Do not fucking view diablo.jpg, it will cause you to rip your eyes out (dont worry it does not have a thumbnail), just run hell.exe.

Instantly your monitor should start flickering and gruesome pictures of the mutilated corpses of you dad relatives should flash quickly on and off your screen. Then a window should pop up with two buttons, one saying 'come' and one saying 'leave' (now is your last chance to turn back). If you want to visit hell then click on come if not click leave and you will fall unconscious and wake up in your bedroom with no memory hell.exe even existed and all evidence of its excistence will be lost. If you choose 'come' the window will close and the computer will spontaneously combust along with the CD.

Do not leave the room your in just let the flames spread until the heat knocks you unconscious. You should wake up on a hospital bed in a dark room with no clothes on, do not get out of the bed just lay there. After about five minutes two 'people' should enter the room, now I cannot be any clearer, keep your eyes TIGHT SHUT when they approach your bed if you look at them even once they will rip you to pieces. They will discuss in familiar voices how unfortunate your death was and describe it in complete detail, this applies to the date of death you found on the website, cover your ears if you do not want to hear your own fate. Afterwards they should leave the room hastily. Wait about ten minutes then exit the room.

Once you have exited the room you should be in a very long corridor with the lights out, start walking down the corridor. Once you have walked about 3 kilometers all the lights should turn on, when this happens RUN, run as fast as you can down the corridor until you reach a fire escape door. Throw yourself through the door at full force and then slam the door shut behind you as soon as you burst through.

You are now in Limbo.

Your surroundings should be a large desert like wasteland with no signs of life, search the vast emptiness for a sharp rock or a cliff edge (something you can use to end your own life), in order to reach the gates of hell you need to kill yourself in Limbo. Be cautious when exploring, this may not be hell but there are some monsters lurking about in caverns which will turn you into one of them, but they are not as dangerous as the monsters you encounter in hell these are just baptised souls cast to limbo endlessly exploring the dark endless cavern systems. Before killing yourself you must; remove your eyes from their sockets, deathen yourself somehow, and you should only have your sense of touch and smell left, you CANNOT EVER see or hear hell ever, if you value your sanity that is. Dont worry once you return to the human world you will have your senses back. When you wish to leave hell simply shout this latin phrase as loud as you can, "Est non satis".

I cannot give any more instructions because I feel that if I give away more information I'll be putting myself at risk, but there is somebody who recorded their findings. A man named Ian McGowan successfully went to hell and returned, shortly after he returned he brutally murdered most of his family and then hung himself. In his possession when they found his body was a note. In this note he describes what he saw in detail.

Ian's Note
If you are reading this, then I have done the unforgivable I have killed the people I care about the most in the worst possible manor, but I did it to save them from a fate far worse than a painful death. Last week I tried to visit my dead father in hell, he was a raging alcoholic that would com home from the pub and beat me and my mother, He died of liver disease when I was 13, I wanted to see him get what he deserved. What I saw in hell was something mortals should never experience in their lifetimes.

After blinding, deafening then finally killing myself in that fucking wasteland, I awoke in what felt like a furnace, it was so excruciatingly hot and i couldn't move. I began to hear voices in my head and they all said the same thing, "help me" The voices were of many people I knew that had died. The voices grew louder and louder and my surroundings got hotter and hotter until everything stopped. I then saw something that I cannot begin to describe, I saw every sin and act of violence, greed, bloodlust, gluttony played out all at the same time in my head. I felt the worst feeling of, how can I describe it, melancholy I have ever experienced in my life, I felt as if nothing mattered anymore. That's when he arrived. Suddenly my sight returned but all I could see was darkness, but then something appeared in front of me, I cannot describe its appearance but all I can say is it was not human or even a recognisable being but it was an entity of pure unadulterated terror. I knew this was the devil. He talked to me telepathically not in any recognisable language but I somehow fully understood what he was saying, he told me the fate of the universe and what I must do, my duty.

I owe him my soul I owe him my soul I OWE HIME MY SOUL I OWE HIM MY SOUL I OWE HIM MY SOUL I OWE HIM MY SOUL I OWE HIM MY SOUL I OWE HIM MY SOUL I OWE HIM MY SOUL I OWE HIM MY SOUL I...

[The rest of the page is unreadable and covered in what appears to be blood]