Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25725945-20150103030354

Story: "A mystery about whether you shall live or fail appears in your mind in the black of night. Whether it be the door to your room suddenly opening, the slender man appearing at the foot of your bed, or hearing something go bump in the night, there is always something to worry about before escaping to the land of dreams or nightmares. Let me be the harbinger for the Night’s Maiden.

You never will truly know where she, the night’s maiden, is, but there are signals for her approach. If you have a sudden infestation, a small infestation, of bees outside your house, do not hesitate to rid of them. They will lead her right to your house, for she can’t see too well but makes up for it with great hearing. These bees also have a strange pattern of red and white, and the maiden acts as their queen.

If you see a pale woman, dressed in a black dress with blue buttons, red hair with streaks of grey, and sharp blue eyes, you must talk to her with good manners and leave a great impression. This may be awkward seeing how she is the maiden, but if you are nice to her she might let you live; giving her a gift of chocolate or flowers is also a great idea, she might not bother you at all if you do. You can alternatively pretend to not notice, but this will prove to be hazardous.

Finally, she will attack on a night when the moon is full and the night is silent.

When the clock reads “3 AM” you might notice fog thickening outside and the faint sound of a whining pig, slowly getting louder. The noise and fog shall persist for about 10-15 minutes, and then will abruptly stop. Your door will swing open, revealing someone you know who’s female, whether it be your mom or girlfriend. This isn’t really them, if it wasn’t obvious enough, remain calm as she approaches you.

If you remain completely silent as she walks to you, she might think you aren’t there, and will leave. Remember, she has bad eyesight.

However, there is the possibility she doesn’t leave. She might remain in your bedroom for several minutes before revealing her true self through a grotesque transformation; a tall, grey woman with a waxy face. Her arms are skinny, small bits of flesh are gone or flaps through the wind as it hangs on by a thread. She wears the same dress as before, black with blue buttons, but it isn't big enough to hide her pale, skinny, mold covered legs.

She will say in a slightly gurgled voice: “I know where you are... You can’t fool me...” What happens next, is, gross, to say the least. Her jaw will fall off and a long tongue will coil on the ground, though it’s still connected to her mouth. The tongue will then jolt up from the ground and wrap around your body, like a rope. You will then suddenly disappear in a flash of blinding light.

Sweet dreams."

So cheesy!

So, this story's page was deleted, please give me suggestions so it can be improved.

Thanks in advance. 