Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30959528-20170716195837/@comment-32461413-20170716212931

Quite a strange concept.

Wording is a bit awkward in a few places. For instance, "resorted to sleeping with me dad in my room." Try to find ways to make it a bit smoother. Not to mention the grammar issues in that sentence.

"It gave him the chills" who got the chills? I assume this is a typo and you meant to refer to the daughter.

What exactly was going on with the streetlights? They don't really do anything to enhance the story but just disappear. I was expecting them to come back but they never did. It also doesn't make sense that they would be gone. Streetlights are both a security and a safety neccesity, so there wouldn't really be a reason for them to be gone without some sort of concern.

How exactly did the protagonist realize he was being watched? He kind of just comes to the conclusion without a logistical reason.

There are other things such as how he seen a face but not his daughter, and what exactly the motive of the watcher was. Reading this, I assume I'm supposed to interpret the story as the protagonist losing his mind and becoming delusional. However, there is not enough to work with. There needs to be much more description to at least give the readers something to work off of. There is so much completely unresolved. Even stories that amps up the mystery element needs to leave behind subtle clues and hints. I see that these are present in some areas, but the story is so short that there is not nearly enough to work with to come up with a solid guess on what is happening. I feel like the story should keep going rather than end right there.

That has to be my biggest concern; there simply isn't enough story. It ends too abrupt that it just leaves the reader hanging needlessly. You never really know what exactly occured or if it was real or not. It doesn't help that there are too few clues to even make a guess of what is happening. I think you have an idea, but I feel you need to go further. This story feels only about half finished.