Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26662685-20150712142534/@comment-25131761-20150718033935

As said before; the wall of text and the grammar/spelling errors makes the story more annoying to read.

Meanwhile, I saw a lot of switches between tenses. "I was sitting on my bed next to the window and theres a bush with long sharp branches" comes to mind. And while it's fine to mention playing a game in a Creepypasta, it's completely unneccessary to mention that it isn't a gaming pasta. The readers can figure out that it's not a gaming pasta by reading it, and mentioning it just breaks immersion.

The plot is standard, but I reckon if you fixed up all of the errors and added some more detail, it could actually be quite scary.

Keep this in mind, as well as all of the other feedback, and hopefully you can make a good pasta out of it.