Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20180624062817/@comment-9041013-20180626000055

"Mutter... Mutter... Mutter!" Till Lindemann

Alright, all jokes aside, the monotone tone of the narrator in regards to such a tourbulant relationship and life with what I guess is schizotypal mother or mother figure is just a killer for the story. It kills my care for it... it's like I'm reading a very cynical news report about someone who commited a dramatic suicide.

Throughout your entry I've felt like I'm reading a statistics source rather than a story.

Also, the psuedo-scientifical grouping to darwinistic groups of people is rather silly but keeps coming back in your stories.

You've had some issues technically too like "Marlene and me" which should be, technically, "Marlene and I". Something was also in plural form when it should've been singular.

Hmmm...

Could be definitely better.