Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26981710-20150926195105/@comment-26475800-20150927133743

There would be a lot to fix up with this story. The plot is stale, like Mosh said. In fact, I agree with every thing Mosh had said above. But if you want to fix it the first thing you would need to do is proofread your story. There are a large number of words which are repeated or not needed.

This was really painful to read. If you hadn't gone into the coding aspect of thing it may have been better. But it will need a lot of work, there is no scares, the ending is weak, no twist is found anywhere, and the story itself is rather dull. It is possible to fix this up, if you really wanted to, but I would suggest that you try your hand at a different story.

Either way, proofread your stories before you post them. Don't be painfully exact with what is happening. I don't care about the normal routine of a person who I have no emotional ties with. To be more to the point, I really don't care about all the crap that was done when the protagonist went into his room.

If this story captivated me more, I would offer more advice, but there was little that caught my eye here. The plot, or at least the basic idea, wasn't bad. If you stick to the haunting and make it something that more people can relate to maybe it would be better.