Talk:The Gym Teacher/@comment-26112985-20150504220944

This is definitely a good story (while not your absolute best), the best part for me was the character of Danny. You obviously put a lot of effort into building his character, and for that, I appluad you, A job well done. The idea of a boy watching a surveillance camera of a dead body is honestly very disturbing, esoecially once we actually find out who the killer is and what his intentions (sex) are.

I also enjoyed all the injokes you placed around this particular pasta (The Clown Dogs reference was a good one, I smiled when I read that)

I actually read this scene before eating a spaghetti dinner, and I kept imagining my spaghetti as the maggots Mr. Kirby pulled out of the girls anus (ew).

However, with my compliments in mind, I do have a couple of criticisms, maybe I'm just being picky, I don't know.

-At one point it clearly says '''The day he found the dead girl laying by that copse of alder had started out as a bad day. ''' But we later find out that Danny found the corpse a couple days after his argument with his mother.

-Some of these paragraphs could probably use some breaking up, its sort of acceptable because its a long story, but it irks me slightly all the same.

-I felt the ending was just a bit anticlimactic, but hey, its just a matter of opinion and the character of Danny mostly makes up for it.

Overall rating 7/10 (a job well done)