User blog:Dorkpool/"This Is My First Pasta"

On a daily (or near daily) basis, I read plenty of abhorrent stories. A lot of them show that the writer knows next to nothing about writing, or the English language.

Some of them add that this story is the writer's first pasta. Now, I think that can excuse some things, like the story seeming a bit awkwardly written, or having some plot holes, or just not having a certain flair or style that the author is likely to develop over time. That's understandable. However, here's what that doesn't excuse:

Awful writing. By that, I mean completely ignoring the rules of proper spelling and grammar. If your story is wri10 liek dis, then the "this is my first pasta" line doesn't excuse it. Maybe "this is the first thing I've ever written in my life in any sort of setting" might, but not it being your first pasta.

Now, I'd like to note that there are times when bad spelling and grammar do work for a story. For example, one of the best Creepypasta stories, "Candle Cove," actually uses that to its advantage since it's written in a message board format. Compare this to a spin-off of it, "Candle Cove Experiences: Tales of the Laughingstock," which doesn't have the best spelling or grammar, but it supposed to be a book. Yeah, bad spelling and grammar isn't exactly excused there.

Another thing that's not excused: terrible, terrible characters. If your first pasta has main characters less developed than the bullies in "Jeff the Killer," then obviously you're failing miserably. Make them somewhat good characters. Not perfectly likable and splendid characters characters, but somewhat intelligent and logical ones at least. If it's your first pasta, I'm not expecting characters as likable or intelligent or just plain fun as those in, say, RWBY, but I'm definitely expecting characters more developed than your average Stephen King bully.

Listen, my point here is that if you're writing your first pasta, it's fine if it's not perfect. It's understandable, actually. You're probably still discovering your style and such. But it had better be better than "Jeff the Killer" or "The Build-A-Bear Workshop Massacer" (Yes, that second title is actually misspelled). Use the Writer's Workshop, ask a friend, nag a literary critic, do whatever you need to. Just try and make sure that your story is the best you can make it. And if it's less than perfect, well, it is your first pasta, after all.