Talk:Lights in the Forest/@comment-24532164-20160308012843

Lot's of grammar errors here. You have a bunch of dependent clauses that are just kind of floating about, you have a bunch of semi-colons that really should be seperate sentences, and some award sounding lines.

Overall the story wasn't that frightening. There's little build-up, and even less pay-off. If you spent more time on it, tripled it in size, added more detail, and done something more original than "Aliens killed my dad", then it might go somewhere.