Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27007772-20150421193638/@comment-27007772-20150422212200

Whitix wrote: No one ever likes to review the liger stories, huh? God, I hate that.

Anyways, I must say I quite enjoyed the intro, but there are some things I'd like clarification on (oh, and before I forget, first line: "knelled" should be kneeled I believe). Is this a sequel to something or is the mysterious backstory part of the story. Because while I felt a bit lost at times over who exactly Jackson was (I must admit I skimmed over a few parts in the beginning, as religion in stories bores me) and what exactly transpired before this adventure; was wondering if that was intentional and will be revealed later. If so, cool, but I wouldn't confuse the reader too much more.

I'm curious why you take the time to go over Natalie's pills and such. Does that matter later on in the story? Because they didn't really play into this part, and it'd be wasteful to introduce them and not use them.

I dig the monster, but after such an entrance, Joseph knocking him down seems a bit anticlimactic. I get that they need to escape to move the story along, but having the Tormentor (I assume that's who he is) get knocked on his ass so quickly seems rather ridiculous. He's not as much of a threat if I know he's weak in that regard. He's vulnerable, and I think it's a bit too early for that.

Not sure if the chapters are necessary. I don't think this is quite long enough to necessitate them. Some other form of transition would do fine.

I don't have much more to say; it's well written and interesting. Kudos, hope to see more. This is indeed, a sequel to the story In Torment. This will clarify a few things you pointed out.

1. Joseph has turned to religion after the first story, something I will exploit

2. Jackson is the third character who went through the events of the first story will them, and Joseph was able to man up and deal with pushing him over because this isn't the first time they've met

3. I went on about the pills because I felt I needed to show how Natalie was affected from the first story (especially after her attempted rape).

4. This is the intro to the story, it will be longer than the version above.

I think I'll actually edit the pushing scene to make it a bit more realistic in terms of response. Thank you for commenting. It helps a lot.