Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44921910-20200124170201

"Quitting"

By: E/x/it

Hey, have you ever tried to quit smoking? Don’t mind how I’m dressed, it’s a new company dress code. No, no, no, I’m not here to sell you anything. Just listen to my story and make your own decision.

It had to be about a year ago this fall that I decided to quit. It was because of the usual reasons anyone quits. My wife, Audrey, and I were hard up for cash, given we where both unemployed at the time and she was pregnant. We both decided to make some sacrifices to save money in preparation for the arrival of the new baby. She sold off some of her jewelry to a local pawn shop and started looking for a stay at home job. I really cracked down on finding myself a real full time job and obviously decided to give up smoking as well. I had tried a few times before this with various methods. Cold turkey was first, then Nicorette gum, and of course the patch and to tell you the truth they are all full of it. I even tried that dumb fucking e-cigarette, piece of shit. News flash, save your money. Anyway where was I? Oh right. So this time I figured I would see my doctor about it and he would prescribe me some pills or something. I know, you don’t have to say it, “You were unemployed and you wanted to go to a doctor about this? How the fuck were you going to pay the bill or buy the prescription, dip shit?” We had enough left around to cut for this with the idea that it would save us money in the long run. Don’t worry, I got lucky.

I called up the doctor’s office and set up an appointment for 11:15 the next morning. I was going in to quit smoking in the first place so I held off on having any before I left. I hopped into my P.O.S. 1992 Ford Tempo and off I went. I strolled into the office sometime around 11:00. There was no line for the front desk and no people in the waiting room. Bonus! I wasn’t in the particular mood to sit and listen to some ass wipe complain about his life in the ever popular, “No matter how loud I talk you can’t hear me when I’m on my cell phone,” volume, or watch some teen mom with a lack of parenting skills let her kid rip apart the magazine rack today anyway. I stood at the front desk for a solid 10 minutes, as it turns out the receptionist was ass wipe with the phone. I stared at her and she held up the “Gimme a minute. I’m on the phone here.” finger. She giggles at her conversation and continues talking. I bit my tongue and tapped my finger on the desk. After a while, the receptionist decided that I was worthy of her attention.

“Can I help you?”, she asked in a really bitchy tone that made me want to grab her by the neck and squeeze until her head popped.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact. I have an appointment to see Dr. Mattson for 11:15.”

“Name?”

“Mark Scranski.”

“Mr. Scranski, let’s see here. Ah, there it is. For 11:15, you say?”

“Yes that’s the one.”

“Well, there seems to be a few issues here.”

“Go figure, what could they be?”

“Well, number one, you’re late for your appointment.”

“Bull! I got here 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork. You were on your damn phone.”

“Sir, don’t start with an attitude or I will have you escorted off the property. I have no proof of when you arrived. You should have signed in on the sheet.”

“You saw me standing here! Never mind I’ll just sign in. Now, can I see the doc?”

“Well, that would be the other issue. Since you were late you missed your appointment and Dr. Mattson is booked tight for the rest of the day.”

“Really, your shitting me, right? No one is here.”

“Sir, I warned you and I will not do so again. Insurance?”

“Ha, I wish!”

“ ‘Ha’ is right! Just sign in and find a seat. I will see what I can do.”

I grabbed the pen and scratched my name into the sign-in sheet. Under ‘Time’ I wrote “11:00AM” as large as I could. I also happened to notice that no one else had signed in that day.

“Booked my ass.” I muttered under my breath. Believe it or not, the dumb cunt went right back to yakking on the phone. “This is fantastic. Fan – fucking – tastic.” I muttered a little louder. She glared at me for a second and then turned back to her “oh-so-important” phone conversation. I smirked a little and sat there with my proverbial thumb up my ass. I checked my watch and figured a magazine might help me pass the time. The magazine was full of your typical doctors office reading material. Parenting Magazine, Men’s Health, along with assorted other crap. I picked up a Motor Trend and flipped through the pages. Nothing was really worth spending any time reading, so I put it back. The wait was almost unbearable. Dull office white walls, the television droning in a repetitive loop of “Health News,” racks of pamphlets trying to convince people to ask for certain prescriptions. “If your ass hair grows faster than you can keep up with, ask your doctor about ‘Bullshitetophin’.” I was counting the dots on the ceiling tiles wondering if I should just reschedule for another day when I heard.

“Mr. Srumski, Mark Srumski?”

“Scranski.” I replied as I checked my watch and looked up to see a tall slender figure standing in the doorway. He was almost a sickly kind of skinny. Although he didn’t look old I couldn’t really put my finger on his age. He had short gray hair sticking out from a reddish-orange hair piece. His eyes were slightly sunken, his skin was pale, almost white. He wore a pair of burnt orange slacks with tan dots and a long, white lab coat. My jaw dropped at the sight of this odd looking man.

“Dr. Mattson?” I asked. It’s not like I ever spent any time at the doctor’s office and the stun of seeing this guy completely forced any idea of what Dr. Mattson actually looked like out of my head.

“No, unfortunately the good Dr. Mattson has just left the office due to a very sudden illness.” he replied in a somewhat hoarse, raspy voice.

“Ironic.” I thought in my head.

“The receptionist said he was booked for the day. Are you taking his patients?”

“Only some of them. I have just transferred to this office from Newport, RI and Dr. Mattson has graciously offered for me to take on some of his patients until I have established myself within this office. Patient allowing, of course.”

“Alright, I guess.” I was a bit hesitant but my impatient side got the better of me.

“Right this way then, Mr. Scarfski.”

“It’s Scranski,” I replied. I heard the receptionist holler something as the door shut but figured it was part of her phone conversation or maybe someone else interrupting it. I followed him into a small examination room. It had the normal examination table and a few posters of various body parts with medical terms and arrows pointing out the different parts that made up whatever the poster was supposed to be of.

“Ah, it says here it has been a while since your last check up.”

“Yeah, lack of funding, if you catch my drift. That’s not really what I came in for though.”

“Well, unfortunately, I can’t help you until you have had a physical.”

“Uh, well, you see, that’s kind of a problem. I don’t really have insurance to cover this visit and I am on a tight budget.”

“I see. Well, maybe we can make some sort of payment arrangement afterword?”

“I guess. Just try to keep it cheap doc, alright? I never did catch your name.” At the same time I thought to myself “My wife is going to fucking kill me when she see’s this bill, but its for my own good.”

“Oh, I am sorry you can call me Dr. Winston.”

“Alright Doc Winston. Let’s get this over with.”

He continued with a quick examination. He checked blood pressure, weight, ‘turn-my-head-and-cough’ so on and so forth. Last he checked my breathing. He held the cold stethoscope to my chest and asked me to breath deeply.

“Are you a smoker Mr. Srumski?”

“Listen, it’s Scranski. You know what, just call me Mark. Yes and that’s why I’m here actually.”

“Oh, is it? What seems to be the issue?”

I explained to him the situation and his blue gray eyes looked right through me as I spoke. As if reading into my soul. It was rather unsettling but I put it off for the time being.

“Well, you are in luck”, he said as he stretched a tight lipped grin across his white, fragile, paper- like features. “I just so happen to have here the chance of a lifetime. There is a newly developed medication for just such an individual as yourself.”

“Come on doc, really? Brand new? That means it’s going to cost me what? Both arms and a leg? What are we talking here?”

“No, no, you misunderstood. This medication has just entered the testing phase before it is released to the general public. They are currently willing to pay volunteers a sum of $1,500 to test it and report back on the results. Don’t worry, it has been cleared for human testing.”

“Really? They will pay me to take their pills just to see if they work or not?”

“Oh, not only that, but since you are my first patient and I have been closely involved with the development of this medication, I am willing to waive your bill for today’s visit if you agree to involve yourself with this trial.”

It seemed like a ‘win-win’. I would get my appointment for free along with the prescription I came for and to top it all off, I’m getting paid. I was in.

“Alright, sounds good. What are the terms of payment and what do I need to do?”

“Well, it is a 15 day trial. Each day we will meet and you will describe to me what the prescription is doing to you. I will pay you $100 per report. There are 2 types of pills. This box,” he held up a red and orange box “is what you will take 3 times daily. First thing in the morning, exactly halfway through your day, and just before sleep.” He held up a second box. It was black and gray. “In this box is what you shall take any time you have the urge to smoke. You shall continue to smoke through the trial and especially if you take a pill from the black and gray box. In fact, I will provide you with the cigarettes as well throughout the trial.” He handed me a coupon booklet that had to cover at least 3 cartons worth of cigarettes.

“If I keep smoking, how will this work?”

“Believe me. On the 15th day of the trial you will no longer want to smoke.”

“Really, could this get any better?”

“The only stipulation is you absolutely must complete the trial.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. If I don’t finish it you won’t pay me. I get it.” I turned to walk out. The receptionist met me at the door to the waiting room.

“Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Excuse me?”

“You can’t just go bursting into the examination area of a doctor office. Your lucky I don’t call the authorities.”

“Listen lady, you must have had that phone further in your ear than I thought. The doc called me in. He gave me a free exam, a prescription and some coupons and now I’m leaving.”

“I’m calling the police. The doctor has been on his lunch break and will not see patients until 12:45.”

“Whatever lady, I’m sick of this shit. I’m out of here.” And with that I left. That was more than enough drama for one day. So I jumped in the Tempo with my loot, fired it up and went to pull out off the parking lot. I noticed the clock in the car read 12:07. “No way the visit was that short. I didn’t go into the exam room until 12:05. Even the clock doesn’t work in this piece of shit car.” My watch read the same. “Eh, I must have read it wrong earlier.” I made a pit stop on the way home and picked up a couple packs of Marlboro reds. I figured if the smokes are free I might as well get decent ones. Screw this USA Gold, Pall-Mall shit.

I walked in the house put my dog, Goose, on a leash and walked out back to have my first smoke of the day. Before I lit up I popped one of the gray and black pills then enjoyed my smokey goodness. Audrey saw me out back and decided to see what was going on.

“Hey honey! I wasn’t expecting you home so soon. Did you make your appointment?”

“Yeah, I got in. New doctor is a hair on the odd side and the receptionist was bat shit crazy but I got it done.”

“Then why are you smoking? I thought you went there to get something to help you with that.”

“Yeah, I did but don’t worry about it. He gave me these.” and I tossed her the boxes of pills.

“Great, how much did did this run us?”

“Including the full check up or just for the pills?”

“You had to get a check up too? Jesus Christ! I don’t wanna know.”

“No, go ahead, guess. It’s not as bad as you think.”

“I’m going to say $500”

“Way off, try again.”

“Come on, I don’t want to play this game right now. Just tell me.”

“Alright fine. The appointment was free and the doc is going to pay me $1,500 to go on these pills for 15 days. All I have to do is meet up with him once a day and tell him how its going and he’ll give me $100 a day. Plus, he gave me coupons for free smokes while I’m on this trial. He told me to keep smoking like I normally do, just take the pills. Red and orange 3 times a day and the black and gray every time I want a cigarette.”

“Well, that is kind of odd, but if we’re getting paid for it I guess it’s worth a try.” She turned the boxes over in her hand and started making a remark about the pills but her words started to sound distant. My ears began to rush and my head was swimming. The world blurred in and out of focus and then nothing. I woke up with my wife standing over me phone in hand with 911 on the other end.

“Oh wait, he’s waking up now. Thank God. I’m not sure, hold on one second. Honey, are you okay? You passed out for a minute.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. My head hurts but I think I’m good.”

“Good, they’re sending an ambulance now.”

“No, oh no. No ambulance, I’m fine. It was just a head rush. Do you know how much an ambulance ride cost. Tell them to call it off. No, gimme the phone. I’ll do it. Hello, 911?”

A woman’s voice responded, “Sir, can you tell me what happened?”

“Don’t worry, call back your ambulance. I just had a bad head rush.”

“Sir, I need to confirm your condition before I can do that.”

“No big deal. I just passed out. I’m fine.”

The voice on the phone changed slightly. It deepened and gained a hoarse quality “You took them, didn’t you? The pills? Ha ha ha ha! Ashessss.” and then static.

“Sir? Sir? Are you still there?” said the operator who was now returning to normal.

“What did you just say?”

“Sir, are you on a cellular phone? Our connection seems to be bad.”

“No, what did you say about the pills and ashes?”

“Sir, I did not say anything about pills or ashes. Did you take something that caused you to pass out?”

“No, it must have been the static. I misheard you. I swear I am fine.”

“Alright sir, I will recall the ambulance and alert them it was a false alarm but if this happens again I would advise you to seek medical attention.”

“I’ll do that.” I said and hung up the phone. I wiped some drool from my mouth onto my sleeve and noticed it was black. I neglected to mention it to my wife. She had had enough stress for one day and I think I did as well.

The rest of our day was rather uneventful. As I was getting ready for bed thoughts of the voice on the phone and the strange doctor raced through my head. “Just a strange day,” I thought to myself. I picked up the boxes of pills and looked at them. There were no labels on the boxes. In fact, no words at all. Just a cardboard box that was red on one half and orange on the other. It was the same with the black and gray box. I pulled one of the blister packs of pills out of the red and orange box, popped one of the pills out of the foil backing and rolled it around in my hand. It didn’t look like any other pill I had seen before. Not that I usually spent very much time studding pills in the past. The pill was a clear casing with a red liquid inside. Another orange liquid swirled around inside the pill but didn’t mix in, kind of like oil and water. The entire pill emitted a faint glow. “It’s $1,500.” I thought to myself and swallowed the pill.

The next morning a awoke in a cold sweet. The black liquid was at the corners of my mouth again. I’ve never been one to remember my dreams but there was a definite feeling of dread. My wife stayed in bed and I went through my normal morning routine with the addition of taking my new pill. I brushed my teeth, set up coffee and went out back for my morning smoke and let Goose out. I pulled out the black and gray pills again. I had taken a few the day before but hadn’t really stopped to look at them. After looking at the other ones last night I decided to take a better look at these as well. They were similar to the red and orange ones except these ones were gray with black swirls. Rather than emitting light these seemed completely devoid of any. It was almost as if they sucked the light in from around them or they emitted darkness whichever way you want to look at it. I noticed the dog had stopped walking and was staring at me with his hackles raised. “Goose, what’s your problem?” Of course he didn’t respond, he just remained tense. “Probably a squirrel or a chipmunk behind me or something.” I went to pop the pill in my mouth and Goose let out a loud bark which startled me into dropping the pill on the ground. Goose, being the curious dog that he is, ran up to it and gave it a sniff. He let out a loud painful yelp and took off across the lawn. “Really, Goose? You’re such a pussy.” He was hiding in his dog house. I just shook my head, picked up the pill, swallowed it and had my smoke. It seemed each time I took them the head rush that accompanied them got less and less. I chalked it up to side effects. The black liquid had to be from the pills as well. I finally convinced a reluctant Goose out of his dog house and went back in the house.

The rest of the morning went on, as usual. Audrey rolled out of bed around 10:30. We browsed various web sites for jobs, flipped through the classifieds and watched some TV. Just then, the doorbell rang. When I checked the clock it was 12:05. I wasn’t expecting anyone so I went to the door prepared to tell some salesmen or a Jehovah Witness to go eat a dick. I peeked though the blinds and low and behold it was Dr. Winston. “What the fuck is he doing here?” I opened the door. “Hey doc. Uh, can I help you?”

“Mark, if I am correct? I came for our daily meeting and for your report.”

“Oh, that’s right. I had almost forgotten about that. I didn’t expect you to show up at my house. Did we schedule a meeting?”

“I said a meeting once a day, correct?”

“Yeah, I guess you did, but I kinda figured you would want to do it at a more convenient time at your office.”

“It has been 24 hours, has it not? What time would be more convenient for an unemployed gentleman such as yourself?

“Fair enough doc. So a report. I didn’t type anything up, can I just tell you about it?

“That would be all that is required.”

“Well, I suppose just some minor side effects. Especially from the gray and black pills. They gave me one hell of a head rush at first but they’re not as bad after each time I take them. Also I noticed some black liquid from my mouth every now and then.”

“Normal, all normal. Everything seems perfectly in order here then. Continue your regiment and I will meet you again tomorrow.” He handed me a $100 bill, turned and left.

“Who is it?” Audrey said from behind me.

“It was the doc just stopping by for our meeting.”

“Where? I kind of wanted to see this weirdo.”

“He just left. Here, throw this in your purse.” I handed her the $100.

“Honey, you didn’t talk to anyone. You opened the door, stood there for a second and then I walked up.”

I didn’t feel like arguing. You really shouldn’t argue with a pregnant woman. I went to take my mid-day pill and left it at that.

That evening, Audrey and I were watching the news and there was a report that caught my attention. “In other news, an unidentifiable body was found in an doctors office at 15 South Main St. in Marlborough. Police suspect the individual died sometime around noon yesterday and was placed in the office shortly afterward. An investigation has begun and limited details have been released to the public. The cause of death appears to be severe burns. The individual’s burns reduced the body to ash. If anyone has any information pertaining to this investigation, please contact your local authorities.”

“Mark, you where there when that happened.”

“No, no way. They must have gotten a bum scoop. Their times are wrong or something the only people at the office where me, the bitch behind the front desk, and Dr. Winston.”

“You don’t think…?”

“No. The dude was strange but not murderer strange.”

“Well, where was Dr. Mattson during all of this?”

“I guess he was sick and took a half day, Dr. Winston was covering for him. Then again the receptionist did say he was on lunch break. I never saw him.”

“Sounds a little suspicious to me. Maybe I should call it in.”

“Eh, I don’t really want to get involved.”

“There might be a reward.” she replied as she picked up the phone. After she made the call it wasn’t 10 minutes before the cops where at our door and dragging me down to the station as a possible homicide suspect. I explained it all to them and they corroborated the story with the receptionist. Eventually, they let me go although they never where able to contact Dr. Winston or Dr. Mattson.

The next few days went along as smoothly as could be expected. Audrey noticed that I was actually smoking more and I did bring it up a one of the meetings. Dr. Winston showed up at exactly 12:05 every day. All I was able to get out of the doc was “That’s perfectly normal. Just continue with the trial and report to me every day.”

I started feeling angry a lot and I was developing a strange gray spot on my finger with a red ring around the outside of it. The spot grew by the day and was accompanied by a burning sensation. The doc just said “Good, that means it is working.” I was starting to remember parts of my dreams as well. They were getting worse and worse. Every morning I woke up feeling deeply disturbed. The black liquid was always seeping from my mouth. It tasted burnt and ashy. It had to be day 7 of the ordeal that Audrey asked me to stop the trial. I refused, of course. I was actually craving the pills more than the cigarettes and I was only smoking as an excuse to take them.

“If you don’t stop taking these pills I am going to leave. I don’t like what they are doing to you.”

“Babe, don’t do this to me. We need the money.”

“But look at you. You look like hell. All you do is holler at everyone. I can’t stand to be near you. This needs to stop.”

“WE NEED THE MONEY. Don’t you blame this shit on me.”

“No, I’m not. Just stop yelling. I’m just asking you to duck out of the program that’s all. We will

be fine. I need you to do this for me.”

I may have been angry but I did still have a little bit of judgment. “FINE. I will talk to the doctor tomorrow. Maybe I can convince him that his shit is NOT FUCKING WORKING.”

That night I vividly remembered my dream. I was standing in the darkness. The black was so thick I could feel it pressing down on me. If I had had a flashlight I doubt it would have lit up 4 feet in front of me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out 2 pills, one glowing red and orange, and one black and gray that was drawing the light from the other pill and pushing it out the other side in a thick smoke. I downed the pills and a cigarette appeared in front of me. Just above the filter the word “Mattson” was printed in small red letters. A flame appeared on the tip of my finger and I lit my smoke. As I took a drag, the flame rose higher into the air and grew larger. I took a second puff and the distinct scent of burning flesh washed over me. The flame came to a stop and the light started to shine over me. I noticed the ground was a thick black liquid. I continued to smoke my cigarette and noticed it had changed. What I now held in my hand was a human finger, ash covered the fingertip and I was smoking it from the severed end. I wiped the black liquid from my mouth and spit it on the ground. I finished smoking the finger calmly and woke up.

“What the fuck just happened” I yelled breathing heavily and the black liquid covered my chin.

“What, what’s the matter?”

“I am going to beat the shit out of the prick. I’ll fuckin shoot him”

“Who? Calm down. You’re not shooting anyone.”

“The doctor. He’s fucking killing me. That’s it, I’m getting off this shit today.” I got out of bed and started my morning routine as best as I could shaken by the dream. I took Goose out but he only ran and hid in his dog house occasional peering out at me to growl at me. “Stupid fucking dog.” I was now wishing I could take a pill and have a cigarette but I fought the urge. By 9:30 I was shaking from the need. Shortly after the police showed up to take me for a ride. I angrily agreed and allowed them to bring me to the station.

“I didn’t do shit.”

“We know that Mr. Scranski”

“Then why am I here?”

“Sir, we have yet to find this Dr. Winston. Has he tried to contact you?”

“Actually, I meet with him once a day just after noon.”

“Really? Mr. Scranski, why was this not brought to our attention beforehand?”

“I just figured you had gotten a hold of him.”

“ ‘Gotten a hold of him?’ We haven’t found a record of his transfer to this state or any proof of his existence at all. We can’t find any birth records, social security number, work history. Nothing. Never mind actually speak with the man.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“We believe you can help find out who this man really is.”

“Now how in the hell am I going to do that?”

“You said you meet with him once a day. Perhaps you would be willing to wear a wire?”

“Fuck it. Why not?” They set me up with a small digital recorder and a mic. They briefed me and explained some more details of the case. Apparently they where under the impression that the body belonged to Dr. Mattson and the only reason they thought the body was moved was, although it was nothing but a pile of ashes, nothing else in the room had any burn marks on it. How it was moved was completely unknown. Eventually they sent me on my way. I decided to walk home to try to blow off some steam and as I walked I had the distinct feeling of being followed. I didn’t look back. Next thing I knew the world went fuzzy again and the concrete came up to meet my face. I awoke to a foot on my back attached to a pair of burnt orange slacks with tan spots. I noticed my watch as well. 12:05.

“Ah, what the fuck?”

“Oh Mark, may I ask what it is you are doing?”

“Just walking home” I stumbled to my feet and switched on the recorder while brushing myself off and hoping he hadn’t noticed”

“Ha ha ha,” The laugh was sinister and made my skin crawl. “You can record anything I say It

will not help you.”

“Listen Doc I’m done. I want nothing to do with this.”

“Oh no Mark. I told you. You must finish the trial. Do you need more incentive? What if I was to add a 0 to the end of our agreed upon payment?”

“No, No go there doc. This shit is killing me. My wife is threatening to leave me. My whole arm is gray now, I am always drooling this black shit. I don’t give a damn what you say it is NOT normal.”

“Oh Mark what if I where to tell you if you do not continue the trial your wife will pay the price rather than yourself”

“The price. You never said anything about a price if I stopped the trial.”

“You walked out before I could finish.” A smile crossed his lips.”Give me your gray arm.”

Out of fear and concern for my wife I complied. “Oh this is coming along nicely” He said as he

examined my arm. He raised it and let it drop and stopped the motion as it became parallel to the ground. My arm simply fell off as if he ashed a giant cigarette. There was no pain and the burning sensation was still there. My jaw dropped and I tried to scoop the remains of my limb up.

“No. How? What in the hell did you do?” His laugh echoed in my ears.

“I can put it back if you simply do as you are told.”

“You couldn’t do this to Audrey. You can keep my arm.”

“Oh I couldn’t? Do you perhaps remember a Dr. Mattson.”

“Bastard. The cops know it was you. Who the fuck are you.”

“Sorry Mark. That I cannot tell you. Are you going to cooperate or not” His eyes told me he wasn’t lying. He would do it in a heart beat. I regretfully agreed. “Well take your medication and have a cigarette. Like a good boy.”

“I left them at home.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a pill and a cigarette and watched as I smoked. With each drag I watched my arm reform from the ashes but retain its ashen color. I could feel the burning traveling to my chest and side. When I looked up from my arm the doc was gone. “Now what the hell do I do?” There was nothing I could do. I arrived home and Audrey met me at the door. I explained to her what had happened. The police station the recorder and my encounter with the doc on my walk home.

“I really think your loosing it Mark. Those pills are driving you crazy.”

“No I have it all here.” I held up the recorder.

“I guess I would have to hear it to believe this story.” I pressed play on the recorder and the recording started.

“Test test.” said one of the officer’s that had briefed me “Good works.”

I turned to my wife,“See I’m not making this up.” We turned our attention back to the recording.

“Ah, what the fuck,” and then static. Then a low tone rose from the tiny speaker. The frequency steadily rose higher and higher. I jammed the stop button but the tone continued to grow higher and loader until I dropped it to fall on my knees and cover my ears. Then the recorder then suddenly stopped. I looked up and Audrey was staring at me.

“What are you doing?”

“You didn’t hear that. He must be able to mask his voice or some shit.”

“I can’t do this. You are going to take those pills until they fucking kill you because some

figment of you imagination threatened to kill me. I need some time, I can’t deal with this anymore. I am leaving. Call me when your back to normal.”

“Really. Don’t to this to me.”

“I can’t stay. I told you. Off those pills or I leave.”

“Fine, leave me. If I stop the pills he WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.”

“Go check yourself into a mental health clinic. You need help”

“GO FUCK YOURSELF. STUPID BITCH. GO. GET THE FUCK OUT.” She packed her bags right then and there. We didn’t say a word to each other. “At least her and the baby will be fine,” I thought to myself. The next morning she called and asked if I had taken the money out of her purse and why I had used her purse as an ash try. I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about even though I was fully aware and knew she wouldn’t believe me anyway. She returned later that day to pick up the dog and some more of her belongings to the house in shambles and that was the last I saw of her.

For the days afterward I followed the regiment of pills. My dreams became more vivid and disturbing but I was getting used to them, I didn’t sleep much anyway. The gray was now covering most of my body along with the burning sensation that accompanied it. The burning was now not only on the surface of my skin but began to leech inward. I didn’t bother to wipe the black liquid from my face anymore seeing how it was now a constant stream now. The anger that had stared out like a nicotine fit had grown significantly. I couldn’t smoke enough, I couldn’t take enough pills to satisfy this urge, I needed something more. As I felt the anger swell within me I began to vent on my surroundings. I tried to watch some TV and take my mind off of everything that was happening. The news came on with an update of the investigation involving Dr. Winston, Dr. Mattson, and myself. I couldn’t stand listening to it. I ripped the plug out of the wall and sat in silence. That was worse so I turned on the radio which began to play the same news story.

“Fuck this.” I ripped the receiver off of the entertainment center shelf and I could hear the sizzle of electricity from where the wires had pulled out of the back of the receiver. The entire house went dark so I threw it into the TV screen. Dr. Winston still showed up everyday. He no longer bothered with the doorbell. At this point I was lacked the ability for an intelligible conversation so the doc would just watch and smile. I hated him and wanted him dead. For some reason each time I approached him to make an attempt on his life he was able to stop me in my tracks. I redirected my anger at whatever was nearby. He would stop me and I would smash the windows, or kick holes in the walls. I ripped cabinets from the kitchen walls and threw them out of the sliding glass door. “Why can’t I FUCKING KILL YOU?” The doc only smiled at me. “FUCK YOUR REPORT!”

“Mark you have shown me all I need to see.” I then tore the silverware drawer out of the counter and grabbed a fistful of knives. The doc just shook his head at me and I could do nothing. I threw the knives at the wall and a few of them stuck.

“What do you want from me? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?”

“You will learn soon enough.”

On day fourteen, they came. The police that is. I had never gone back to the station after they had set me up with the recorder. I imagine the state of the house tipped them off that something wasn’t right. There where two of them, the same two that had spoken with me.

“Mr. Scranski? Are you home? Are you alright?”

“LEAVE NOW!”

“Sir, we just want to talk. Just come out and speak with us.” They continued to walk into the house. They stepped out of the hallway into the kitchen.

“Are you sure you want me to come out?”

“Yes Mr. Scranski. Just come out.”

I gave them what they wanted. They where not expecting to see me in the state I was in. I could see the fear in their eyes when I rushed them. They made an attempted to draw their pistols but my baseball bat slowed down the first officers reaction time when it came into contact with the side of his head and the other decided this would be a good time to leave. He made it to the broken sliding door when my knife entered his kidney dropping him quickly to the floor. As he screamed in pain and bled out I returned to the first officer who was still unconscious and dispatched him with a single stab into his chest. After pocketing one of the pistols I dragged the bodies to the forest behind the house and placed them on a large pile of dry leaves, covered them in gasoline and lit them. I then proceeded to take two black and gray pills and stand over the burning bodies to inhale the smoke. I stood there until both bodies where reduced to ash. The burning gray then surged and completed covering my entire body. I could feel it inside and out. I sat in the forest for another two days or so popping pills and eating the ashes from the remains. When there was nothing left I returned home in the early morning before the sun rose to a swarm of police cars.

Most of the officers where inside and the property was surrounded in crime scene tape. They must have shown up not long after I left. I do not believe they expected anyone to return to the scene and it was relatively easy to walk up the the rear of the house following the shadows of the brush line that ran across the yard. From a distance I could see into the windows. The flashlights of the officers and what I can only assume to be detectives shown brightly in almost every room. I watched them tag various parts of the house and snap pictures as they worked. I edged the house and ducked under windows toward the two hundred-pound propane tanks that ran the stove, fridge, water heater and dryer. I picked up a piece of glass from one of the windows nearby and severed the rubber gas line I then lit a cigarette and placed it on the ground in the dry leaves next to the tank. As I backed away I watched the leaves smolder. Eventually the leaves ignited. I raised the pistol and waited. When I saw the propane ignite I took my shot. It punctured the tank on the left hand side and the resulting explosion was enormous. I felt the shock-wave knock me to the ground. As I regained my feet I saw the destruction. The entire wall of the house was blown out the others walls where significantly damaged. Pieces off building lumber was strewn all around me. Among some of the nearby wreckage lay one of the officers with a large piece of shrapnel lodge in his forehead. I grabbed one of his arms and pulled him out from under the flaming chuck off wall. As I tugged him free I could feel his shoulder pop from his socket and some of the tendons tear. Behind me all I could hear were screams and shouting. It made me smile. Gunfire came next. If they hit me, I didn’t notice. I fired the remainder of the magazine from my pistol in the general direction the other shots had come from but I was far to distracted with my new loot to notice if anyone was hit or not. I dragged the body back toward the forest. No one followed. I assume there were to many in need of immediate medical attention to send anyone in after me. Perhaps they where calling addition backup to stage a manhunt. Either way I was in the clear for the time being.

I made may way deep into the forest dragging the officer behind me. I walked for hours deeper and deeper into a dense section of evergreens thick enough to block out the sun. At one point I saw the doc out of the corner of my eye. His smile had never been bigger. When I finally stopped I began to gather small twigs, dry leaves and pine needles into a pile placed my victim upon his newly erected funeral pyre. Most of the man’s clothing and skin had been torn away. A body being dragged though a forest has a nasty habit of catching on fallen branches and the like. His scalp was reduced to patches of blood matted hair stuck to his exposed skull. Even that had large cracks and dents from the occasional rock or log. I proceeded to down the rest of the pills in the box and lit the officer ablaze. The dizziness then returned in force and the world faded out of focus. A moment of clarity came to me, an understanding of what I had just done. Then I hit the ground.

I don’t know how long I was out but when I finally awoke he was standing over me with a bag in one hand and a smile on his face. He put his hand out to help me up. As soon as I made contact with

him the rage left me. I could feel the burning subside. I looked around and saw 4 more bodies lying nearby. They where nothing but ashed but retained there basic shape to an extent. My skin flake off like the a ash of a cigarette exposing the stark white skin underneath.

“You have done well.” The doc seemed very pleased with me now but I could say nothing. “You are aware that you can not return now. They will hunt you down.” I simply nodded. He dropped the bag at my feet. I could see through the opening what looked to be a white lab coat and something burnt orange and tan. He held out his hand again. In it was a pack of assorted cigarettes and a new kind of pill. This one was red and black and swirled furiously. “Take the pill and choose.” I quickly took the pill and felt a surge of energy through my body. I watched my skin flake off like the a ash of a cigarette exposing the stark white skin underneath. I understood now.

Like I said I am not trying to sell you anything. Oh my apologies I don’t believe I ever introduced myself either. You may call me Dr. Doral and I am offering you the chance of a lifetime. 