Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35720336-20180529225927/@comment-26399604-20180530005238

I enjoyed the story as well. I like stories with a strong narrative voice, one where I can hear the monologue peel right off the pages. The right narrator could really bring this to life. I also think you captured the protagonist's perspective well -- I really thought there was a shadow-like creature (or creatures) that she was trying to keep at bay. The revelation felt justified, albeit, a bit clunky towards the end.

I have to agree with Kolpik about the second-person point-of-view. It came off out of place and I felt it hurt the story more rather than enhance it. My suggestion: make it first-person. I think the point gets across much better.

Overall, this was a story I enjoyed and I think once it's cleaned up a bit, it will fit fine among the collection here.

I always try to review a story first then point out the areas that need to be addressed afterwards. Please resort to the brackets for the corrections.

+Besides, I don’t want to break down the wall I created[;] it’s my only protection.

+I was taken aback at first[;] it was the first sound I heard from the other side in a long time.

+“Come back[.]”

+The same phrase over and over[;] I tried backing away from the barricade as far as I possibly could in this space and I could still hear it.

+Not too long after[,] another voice suddenly echoed through the barricade and into my ears.

+“Lucy! Lucy! Come out, I’m here to help you!”[remove "."]

+Whatever it was, it wasn’t human[;] it was black and opaque, like a shadow with a mind of its own.

+“Come out[,] Lucy, We need you.”

+The second voice chimed in, repeating the same phrase over and over, louder and louder[;/.] I tried to block my ears but the voices persisted.

+They say people could survive [two] months in complete solitude.

+Slowly, I sat up[;/.] I was back to the silence I was once accustomed to.

+[The] air in the hallway somehow felt fresher.

+As I read that name out loud, the memories flooded my mind out of the barricades of my subconscious[./:]

+I unhooked [it] from the wall and held it tight to my chest.

---

This next part is a recommendation to change the 2nd POV to 1st POV:

+Waking up in the middle of the night, 3:32am, [I] felt a sense of urgency for some reason, [I] felt unsafe[.] [I] turn to look at my husband but he was gone[.] [Where] was he[?] [I] suddenly felt the sensation of your heart dropping[;] [I] felt a danger close, [my] husband wasn’t there to protect [me] so [I] had to protect yourself[.] [I] brought everything [I] could to the office you built a barricade to [separate] [myself] from the danger, the danger, what was the danger[?] [I] heard [my] husband[;] he tried pleading with [me] to come out but [I] didn’t trust him [.] [Was] he real, was the danger real[?] [I] didn’t know but [I] felt like [I] needed to stay in[.] [What] if he wanted to help [me], what if he was there to reassure [me], what if he was there too, what if he was there, what if he was, what if he, what if, what…

''NOTE: There is another area where you change to 2nd POV that I didn't include that should also be addressed.