Talk:All is Calm; All is Bright/@comment-26475800-20170124052724

Sorry for the delay, but I can finally give the review I wanted to for this. So, I really liked the strong religious tone to this, which wasn't really dogging religion too much, if at all. But let's jump into some of the down sides of this story.

Well, one of the biggest problems with this is the flow. Yes, I know you've had a split-up timeline and the story works good like that. The thing that doesn't work too well is that the story it basically told through four or five different people. Even this would have worked a little better if you would have put some kind of break, besides the lyrics of the song, to show that we're changing POV and there will be a new character to watch as they see this girl go through the hell she was going through.

There was also a lot of conversation that wasn't really needed. With the POV switching, you started to build up characters which could have been easily taken care of if you either kept the same person finding these things, or followed the girl through her life. I can under stand this way of telling the story, it's not bad to be honest, but it could have been done cleaner, it would need a lot more space though. So, that was a pretty damn good attempt to squeeze something really unique into so few words, but the problem comes to light with the lack of words to really build everything up. It become more of pointless conversation, and not enough real action. If the man watching the play was able to introduced earlier, it would have made that transition a little easier, same with the priest at the end.

Okay, so some of the good things, and you did something that most people couldn't do, you got me with the twist. Both twists, in fact. I thought she was going to give birth to some demon child, or that it was going to be the Anti-Christ. But, that she was preggers with Jesus again, and that she aborted him, damn. That was really, really good.

Not only did you get a good idea of fear for the people who believe that Jesus is the savor, and will come again, but you also were able to touch on the fear of being a teen who got preggers. Both are valid fears to play with, and you mixed them together fairly well. I wish you would have given us more to follow with the girl, but I can understand why you didn't. It wouldn't be so hard of a twist at the end if you had. In fact, that twist was just about perfect. Really well done.

I'm really happy I was able to read this, and I can't get over how well you pulled the wool over my eyes with this one. Damn good story for that. Well done.