Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25688537-20150713171118/@comment-26007602-20150713175245

For future reference, you shouldn't expect these Writers Workshop posts to be answered instantaneously. Give them a few hours or days before deciding to post your story, especially if you're unsure if it passes QS.

Your first few paragraphs consist of run on sentences and extraneous details that don't matter to the overall story (we don't need a reminder of what the cinnamon challenge or Twitter is).

As for the story, the fact that this guy follows this challenge for no reason (not to mention that this challenge had no reward or purpose stated). There needs to be a reason this guy follows all of these nonsensical steps, especially when he's following them blindly. The fact that he can see all of his friends hurt afterward and still decides to keep following these steps is ridiculous. There's no reason for him to finish this. You seem to be trying to show the character goes insane the further he goes into this (by saying "it was the most fun he had in years), but there's no build up or prior set up to this insanity. If you want to keep that section, you need to develop it further.  You also can't kill the main character in a past tense first person story.  How is he telling the story if he's dead?