Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-27154832-20160801002039/@comment-4470175-20160803021833

I would just like to say that everything I write out now is purely to help you improve, not to criticise. I apologise if it comes off as such.

I have two main issues with it. The first being the way it's written. There are basic grammar and spelling mistakes everywhere, or words used at the wrong time. But I don't like to pick these out, as they can easily be fixed and don't change the story.

My main isue with the writing is the way you display everything in the story. The way it's written is very linear, relying vastly on exposition. I think you need to learn how to imply actions in the story, without blatantly saying what's happening. This creates a better atmosphere for the reader, and sets a better mood for the story. An example is to describe what you see when you pick up the log, not just blatantly say OH MY GOD IT'S MY DEAD MOTHER. This stops the reader from becoming immersed as the plot is being spoon-fed to them. The reader wants to visualise it themselves. That's what's so good about reading.

The other issue I have is the form itself. This does not appear to be a creepypasta on any level. It does look like just an exert from a book. This isn't in any way a bad thing, but maybe it's incorrect to label it a 'creepypasta'. They are normally characterised as a short story with a darker tone and a twist, but still feels whole and complete. The characters in this story were given no thorough backstory, so the reader can't care for them at all. It also doesn't feel finished at the end, and closure is very important for a good story.

I hope this helped, and I hope it didn't discourage you from writing.