Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5239282-20140416200854/@comment-5239282-20140417154552

Indefinitesilence wrote: GraydonL wrote: Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid? Probably both  :p   nah, just kiddin', Graydon, love ya.

Anyways, the story. I'd like to agree with Graydon that this is an interesting idea, but jeez, that's a lot of curse words. Seeing as how this is a "supposed" connection with God, that's pretty offensive. I'm not an intense Christian (I'd like to go to church more, but we just don't have the gas), but still...

I also don't understand the ending. Yes, he killed his neighbors. Is that what's so uberspooky? I'm not really sure. Also, this:

"I shot out of bed like Evil Kenevil out of his mum’s clit."

That's a pretty hilarious image, but I think we have some standards here, man. I'm interested in seeing what this could turn into, but maybe tone it down with the cursing and make the ending more clear. That ain't the absolute ending. Keep in mind this is still in-production. But yeah, I chose to write up until some sort of "bridge," or intermission. Killing his neighbor honestly wasn't even what I had in mind. I mean more "burning down an orphanage" or "cutting off the tongue of a political leader." The atmosphere will get much more demented and desperate then.

I was planning on "justifying" the excessive profanity as God's way of "leveling" with him -- that is, a communication that would be comfortable and familiar. It fits into his current lifestyle. Which would sound like a logical choice for God Himself. He must be aware of his absolute power, correct?

So it'll be much better than, say, God's "actual" voice rupturing all his blood vessels, collapsing an entire city block, and leveling quite a few mountains. If God used his "mother tongue," chances are our dear protagonist either would go off the deep end or... cease to exist right then and there. Not much of a story, eh?

And logic dictates that as soon as they hit the streets for commoner life, their speech etiquette will become much more refined to accommodate the presence of everybody else. He can't afford to yell "Shut the fuck up" while his boss gives a motivational speech -- he'll be endangering everybody else with a nifty bolt of lightning. And of course he'll be fuckin' incinerated by a much less divine source.

He's a sensible one, yeah?