Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34823985-20180721192302/@comment-35711173-20180722072513

What I get is a story about alcoholism. What the two Jacks do to you. Wham over the head, take you out, the way you least expect it and when you least expect it. You are cleaned out and taken out. Just one drink can do it.

It could be interpreted as the phantom psycho bartender and his evil twin brother who have actually tied up Mack and are drugging the booze to take people out one at a time. Or Mack's two sons who nobody knows about

From there, I go into the actual composition. You're an older person, I'll bet. "Where the hell was Lou, Frank and Mack?" Now days, they teach you to write it as "Where the hell was Lou, Frank, and Mack?" Yes, it still looks strange to me. The grammar and composition are above average. You have a number of mistakes I'd point out if this were closer to a final draft.