Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25866200-20141213235500/@comment-26507180-20141226142449

The story lacks scariness. The idea of someone writing a blog while on death row is a bit ridiculous, as I imagine that internet access is reduced to a minimum in countries that still condemn criminals to death -even though the person clearly has a disturbed mind. And the extent of that twistedness is such that it is hard to believe that his lawyer did not plea insanity or that neither judge nor jury recognised his mental instability. Unless, of course, it took place in less enlightened times, but then the notion of writing a blog doesn't work.

It may be an option to omit the notion of writing a blog and having the character write to his diary instead. Or having a dialogue with himself. Perhaps his self consists of two seperate persons. Or he hears voices "The men in the blue suits bought us a new chair, didn't they, my sweet? My friends in the grey suits told me that it burns and that it fries, and they looked disturbed, but you don't mind, do you? You like your food fried! Fat, juicy, greasy flesh with a crunchy crisp!" ''So said the voice in my head. I don't like that voice. It tells me that I'm fat because I eat to much, yet he's the one telling me to do so. But I like it that I get a new chair. My room could use some comfort. It is nice to have friends giving me presents. ''A bit too Gollemish, but you get my drift.

The character clearly has a disturbed mind. Use this to your advantage. Why is he on death row? For the creepy-factor, you could expand on the reasons why he is in prison? What kind of terrible crime did he commit that he must die? The money- and room-offering part are too vague. Perhaps a more terrifying act?