Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-39532078-20190524162602/@comment-9041013-20190524230856

To add on what Nova already mentioned.

This doesn't build any suspence. I don't feel like this kid got scared by the weirdness he was claiming to be scared by. I need to see his fear in body language, the way he speaks, the way he recollects those events with discomfort. I feel like the kid meets a ghost and he is all like "cool..."

I don't see too much horror in that.

A lot of common ghost tropes are actually really good, people just utilize them really badly. If you manage to somehow convey them suspenfully, you could even shape your ghost like the flying bedsheet and make it work if you do right.

The "Old camcorder" and "looked at forums" is not the best option, just say you've used a camera you had at the house and looked around the internet or posted stuff here and there.

"I knew I wasn't. I was watching TV" it's kind of redundant as you state prior to that sentence that he was watching tv. It's a repeteation that you don't really need. Maybe just mention how the father didn't listen to the kid. Or show how the kid got frustrated at the father's dismisal.

The ending kind of runs dry, make it more exicting, make the kid more confused, or have a more creepy imagery in there. Come up with something that should generate emotion in the kid and in us the readers.

There is some work in this to be done.

Also, don't mention the site by name, going with "the last place I wanted to share this in is here" works well enough.