Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27582895-20170130041347/@comment-26525489-20170130085055

You've gotten a lot of great ideas for how to build up a scary story from previous reviews, definitely look into those! There is merit to making a short story that is still creepy, but it has to be well crafted and the story itself needs to call for that length. I think (And I believe others would agree) this story is not calling for such brevity.

Other than fleshing it out a little more, I want to address your final paragraph. I recently read a thread on this forum where people discussed which eye color was the scariest. The general consensus of the discussion was that eye color in and of itself is an overdone concept that doesn't warrant too much of a scare anymore. I would recommend that you don't rely solely on her eyes being black to scare the audience, especially if it's the last thing you tell us. While I would be terrified if I actually saw that, it's a little anticlimactic in a story like this.