Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4893169-20141231040024/@comment-24040907-20150107233056

I’m back. I’ve read what you’ve added since my departure. I can really feel the story taking off now. The newspaper headlines should be in Boldface, and if you expand on an article within the paper, italicize it. This is not required, of course, but it does look nice.



Concerning Grammar:

At one point you wrote: “However, their efforts were to no avail for within months, the creature began growing to an incredible rate.”



Insert a comma between “avail” and “for”. You are linking two sentences “Their efforts were to no avail” and “The creature began growing to an incredible rate” with the conjunctive phrase “for within months”. For this reason, the conjunctive phrase must be set apart with commas.

Also, please change "to an incredible rate" to "at an incredible rate"

In the very same paragraph you wrote:   “Its eyes grew huge and red as it broke out of its prison and made good its escape into the dark forest area around town, venturing forth to devour domestic animals before eventually, turning its murderous attention on various townsfolk including its entire family.”

This is a run-on sentence that conveys too many ideas. Perhaps you’d like to break it up, so that it reads like this “Its eyes grew huge and red as it broke out of its prison. It made good its escape into the dark forest area around town. It ventured forth to devour domestic animals before eventually turning its murderous attention to various townsfolk, including its entire family.”

That’s all I have for now. By the way, did this creature start the mansion fire that you mentioned in Curiosity Killed the Rat, or was that because of a spell/curse they were attempting to cast? My memory is a bit hazy...

And yes, Spongebob has gone from gold to dirt, as they say on IMDB. It used to be the Bugs Bunny of the 21st century, but has sadly been reduced to gross-out-humor and dry comedy. A shame; makes me miss Stephen Hillenburg.

I am sorry that you are feeling sick, Loki. I have found your story The Terror Beneath. I shall read and review it later. Have a nice night!