Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27197715-20151112004625/@comment-27008899-20151112125716

There are some grammatical issues such as "Brandon my best friend" this needs commas when indicating he is your best friend. Brandon, my best friend,

The story was too fast and didnt flow well. Give some detail on the reason he is infatuated with her. Detail is important. In a short pasta you want to describe nearly every movement.