Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25096774-20141212010842

Changes I have made Made it longer, Made a better plot (Hopefully ;-;), changed the bullies into girls to make it a little more...sense I guess that's the word? Better ending, gave Lilly a friend unlike the original she had no one around, and hopefully made it a little more creepy....

So, I did upload it on deviantart, a lot of my watchers, group called We-Love-Creepy-Pasta, and a few others liked it and said it was much better then the original. But I would like your intake on it....

If you have any ideas on how I can make it better please tell me <3 I won't bite (chomp chomp)

Fixed grammatical errors, fixed paragraphing problem, broke it up (I think it's correct), also did major changes to the story.. A friend said it ends like there's going to be a sequel, but I am not sure.. What do you think? I've been working on this for months now lol..

If there is any problem with the paragraphing please let me know <3



Plant Killer

Lilly loved both her mom and dad, even though they didn't give her much attention during the day. Lilly had her own favorite flower Star Gazer Lilies. The whole yard filled with them along with monkey grass, daisies, sunflowers, and roses. The fragrance filled the air everyone knew if they needed flowers for a wedding, prom, or a special occasion; Lilly was the one to see. She never told her parents why the kids were mean to her or why the popular girls said such cruel, heartless thugs to her. She just minded her business and hoped it would pass someday; no one knew the reason except one person Dahlia.

Dahlia was the head "Goth" in her group, and she liked Lilly, Lilly always showed her how to treat plant life that to her was pretty awesome. Lilly would always give Dahlia black roses as a thank you gift for being there in her time of need. Dahlia looked up at Lily' parents "The kids make fun of her because she talks about plants, not just normal names but their biological names. She doesn't say hi to anyone, the last person she did talk to used her to make his ex jealous and that caused a riot and a scene." She told them sadly. Her parents only laughed and thought it was just a game they were playing. They said goodbye to their daughter, told her they will not be back for a few weeks and left town.

Summer was almost over, and Lilly knew school will be starting up Monday she didn't really want to go, but know she had to if she didn't, her parents would have a fit. She took a deep breath and went out into her garden. Lilly was only ten; that's what shocked people. How could someone so young be so perfect at gardening? It was so beautiful to the eyes that people were jealous. Lilly went inside, got dressed for school, ate breakfast, and walked. She wasn't the most popular girl in her school; most people made fun of her, beat her, and even locked her in lockers for several hours without food or water. That didn't stop her though she loved her life just the way it is. Her emerald green eyes looked around the school. She let out a sigh and placed things in her locker."Oh, look guys. The freaks back." Nicole the most popular girl laughed. "She's back with her plant speech, listen bitch... Stay the hell away from my boyfriend, if I catch you talking to him again I will beat you then kill you slowly." She glared cruelly Everyone laughed at her then they started beating her up, the teachers just watched it was the only excitement they had during the school year. One of the students pushed her in the locker and locked it shut. Lilly knew even if she called out for help no one would, so she just waited until school lets out, and the janitor was cleaning and even he was late coming to work.

Finally, the janitor came in, let her out and she began to walk the park. Nicole and her gang waited for her, they knew she would be passing through the park; she usually sat under a tree to read. As she went through her backpack to get the Shakespeare book she had been reading, while talking to Nicole's boyfriend Jacob. Nicole came up and pulled her hair, tossing her down to the ground, and started to kick her "I told you, not to talk to my boyfriend bitch!" She screamed. Renae and Crystal the other two who in gang scooped up dirt and stuffed it down her throat. "How do you like eating dirt bookworm?" Renae said as she looked at Crystal. "You'll die one day and only your plants will grieve." Crystal laughed back. By this time, Jacob ran off. Nicole and the group kicked her one more time then left her there, out of breath, having a soil taste in her mouth; she got up, and limped home. Lilly sat down in her room, silently crying. She had no other friends to talk to; Dahlia was at a party, and her parents were always busy, they thought nothing was wrong. They believed the bruises from today, and past events were her getting hurt in the garden.

Lilly went outside during dusk and sat in her garden, she looked at her plants and smiled softly. "My dearest friends, you are my life, my energy, you are the reasons we all breath. If only people knew that plants, is the main reason we survive, you bring happiness to those who are sick, in love, and those who grieve." She said to each little flower, bush, and tree. Later that night, Nicole came up with a devious plan; a plan so vile that people would not believe it. "I'm not so sure about that," Crystal said looking away "That's pretty mean, I thought we were just going to beat her to a pulp and shatter her dreams." "We are doing that. Besides she was talking to my boyfriend again, I told her I would kill her if I saw her talking to him again" Nicole snapped back. They bought lethal plant killer and syringes with fake Ids, went to Lilly's garden, and sprayed everything. Everything died in a matter of minutes. As soon as dawn broke they hid, and waited for Lilly.

One girl filled a syringe up with plant killer. The color was unusual; dark thick and black. Lilly got up very early, saw that her parents never came home, "They probably went to a hotel" She whispered. She ate something in the fridge, went outside, and was in shock."Wh-what happened?" She started to tear up. Finally, Nicole started laughing hysterically as she held her down, Lilly struggled but she was too strong and heavy. Crystal injected the plant killer into her as Renae video taped it. Lilly started to squirm and eventually twitching. They watched as she started coughing and screaming in pain as her inside of her body burned worse than Hell itself. The girls ran off; leaving Lilly dying slowly on the ground. The plants that were once beautiful turned black like the plant killer and started to grow outraged at what happen to their care keeper, their gardener, and friend.The plants slowly became alive and grew darker; Lilly stood up in excruciating pain, looked at them "H-H-Help me, I am your owner, I am your friend just help me, please! If you help me, I will have my revenge I will avenge you!" She cried. No one else could hear her; she stepped forward and fell face flat into creeping vines. The vines wrapped her almost like a cocoon and pulled her underground slowly. They knew she would be perfect plant food or something more. They too wanted revenge; they wanted to make everyone suffer, for every tear drop Lilly made on them, her sorrow will become anger, cruelness in her heart, black as coal and dark as night.

Nicole turned on the TV and watched the news with a devilish grin. "Early this morning, a girl named Lilly Rose Flint died today, she was found buried in vines in her garden. Police are trying to find the culprits. Lilly was an only child; her parents are grieving over their loss and hope whoever did this will come forward soon. She will be buried in her garden this Saturday." The news announcer said in shock. Nicole laughed with glee and knew she will never be caught, nor would her friends. Dahlia sobbed over the death of her friend and knew she would be in a better place. She had great times with Lilly and hoped whoever did this to her would be caught and put into prison. She prayed that the people who killed her friend will suffer the wrath of her spirit. Lilly's death was hard on several people; they would get no flowers, no laughter from her garden, or even watching her dance again. Couples had a strange feeling whenever they passed by garden, they felt like the dead plants were watching them, studying them, even threatening them.

Two weeks past, all the students forgot about Lilly she has been just a mere shadow to them. As the school got out Crystal began to feel sick, they knew what they did, and the guilt was now building up. She never wanted to kill her all she did was liked her even wanted to be her friend; she picked some wild flowers and laid them on the vines. "I'm sorry.." She whispered as she got up. Next thing she knew a vine wrapped around her legs and started dragging her underground, another vine wrapped around her throat slowly making her unable to breathe or scream. She disappeared within a blink of an eye. A thick evil laughter filled the garden as a figure emerged out of the soil. "You will never be forgiven." Lilly chuckled demonically. Just then Lilly blacked out from the fresh air that she has not had in those horrible weeks. As she hit the ground, a Venus fly trap came up from the soil, broke her window, scooped her up, and gently placed her on her bed. Lilly woke up in her bed, burning up, She must of slept hard, she looked at her watch that was on her dresser and saw two weeks passed. "What? Have I been in a coma or my dates wrong...?" She said staring at her watch. She picked up her passion fruit flower in the planter she had made, and it slowly began to wilt then turn black before her eyes. She dropped the pot and backed up. Tripping over gardening tools, she got up and as she turned around and saw her beautiful hair was black and her eyes glowed with a neon green color; like poison. She began to freak out and knew what happened.

Her heart filled with hate and knew what she had to do. She must have her revenge, revenge against Nicole, against everyone who looked, said, whispered, pointed her the wrong way. She started to clench her fist; the anger grew as she concentrated on her anger. Vines began to form around her. They broke a couple of windows; her house soon became flooded. She calmed down and looked around her and decided she needed to control them first. After months of practice, training, and even being able to summon them without needing her anger she was ready. She will make a name for herself; something people would never solve, her parents left the house she had no family it was perfect.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);"> Her lovely smile grew more insanely cruel; she loved what she became. She will kill who would harm plants, kids who bully the innocent. Each step she made killed plants around her, they only died if she was sad or filled with hate. If she was happy, the plants grew into the most beautiful sight. She saw the Plant Killer extra strength raised Venus fly traps up "What do you think my lovelies? Plant Killer.." She smirked and went back inside her demolished home. She got dressed; everything that was protein tasted like disgusting to her, greens, vegetables and sugar tasted amazing. Lilly left for her school; she walked at a steady pace; people looked at her fell into shock as they saw her. She looked like a girl who died, eventually they shrugged it off as a new girl.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">She was going to make everyone pay at that disrespectful school; everyone who did this to her. Innocent or not, she will make them scream, just the thought of what they did, made her blood boil more. As she stepped inside. Everyone was chatting, until they broke into silence as they thought they had they had killed her for good, but they were wrong. She locked the doors as black vines made the door secure. She smiled viciously as slowly everyone became trapped within a vine mess. Dahlia woke up hungover, found a note on her dresser telling her not to come to school. She was late as it is so pretended to be sick, she stared at the note confused, she didn't hear anyone come in nor was the door unlocked. Maybe her parents left it before they went to work? Whoever left it made it clear for her to stay home from school. A few students were being strangled while others was being eaten by black Venus fly traps (a slow, awful death). Lilly walked up to the leader of the gang Nicole. Water soon to begin to fill the school, not just plain water, but plant killer infested water; so black there were no reflections bouncing off. It absorbed the light itself. Lilly wrapped herself in vines as she held Nicole under the water. Nicole thrashed around trying to push Lilly off, but the vines protecting her made it entirely impossible. She was soon dead, drowned in the mess she caused. What she did to the most innocent in life, she was now in Hell with all the others. Lilly left the scene the doors only opened for her; police had to cut the vines just to get through.

<p style="color:rgb(212,212,213);margin-bottom:0px!important;"> The school closed down and left on detective's shelves as a cold case, an unsolved murder, no one knew who would kill an entire school of kids. The most horrifying event in history. Dahlia's jaw dropped as she watched the news. She was horrified at the scene; she couldn't believe her ears. First her friend Lilly was killed, now the whole school she went to was demolished and everyone she cared about was dead. She turned off the news still in shocked; she stepped into the bedroom and gasped. Laying on her bed laid a dozen black roses and a note. <ac_metadata title="Re-edited &quot;Plant Killer&quot; Story (Used a program for grammar correction called Grammarly)"> </ac_metadata>