Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34296765-20160516031543/@comment-24101790-20160516034725

Sorry, but this feels pretty generic and kind of like this.

The premise has also been addressed a number of other times in stories like: Mankind, Parasites, and a few other stories that slip my mind right now which kind of weakens the effectiveness.

Additionally the descriptions really don't work here and feel like a red herring. "They can change the color and shape of their skin time to time", "Their feet can change too - they grow larger, almost out of proportion, and become vividly colored.", "the glistening pupils reflect the dacnomanic madness and bloodlust in their souls.", "The monsters... they kill each other too. From extra appendages, they can shoot out exploding darts that mortally wound their prey." I really haven't had a biology course in a while, but these feel pretty incorrect. While people can tan and blush, I don't know anyone who can change the shape of their skin at will or grow their feet size.

How exactly does this entity gather this information as "the dacnomanic madness and bloodlust in their souls." feels incorrect. How frequently do people bite each other on a daily basis? It also doesn't make much sense that an entity is able to monitor/surveil people, but doesn't understand the concept of guns or people growing in size (like almost every form of life). This one really doesn't work well the closer it's read/