Talk:Nightlights/@comment-25439157-20141011085327

The idea is good but the execution ruins it. And the explanation at the end. And the description of the black things.

For one, I think some things should be left to the imagination. You had me at the edge of my seat when the first being/experiment came out of the bulb. Then the second. But then you turned around d and had a good look and told us readers about how terrified you were and what they looked like. Too many monsters look like that, and you're /supposed/ to be afraid. We know the narrator is afraid. No need to go on about it.

but monsters do not come out of light bulbs. So that's the bit I like. That's the bit that makes the story creative.

Then the narrators parents rushed in and shot those things. But why were you made to Sit around while your father figured out what they were? Your character has been through enough trauma already. And there should be lesser description at the bit where the narrator is struggling against one of those things. Just make it quick, like you could barely grasp what was happening.

Another thing is that maybe your character wasn't scared /enough/. He should have told his parents the first time it happened and not stayed around to experiment. If you've got a valid argument, make it clear in the story.

Lastly, the ending was abrupt. And frankly terrible. You don't need a fancy science fiction ending. Stop buying the nightlights. That's it. The ending also leaves space for potholes. Why would the research facility store the creeps in nightlights? Why did they hatch from bulbs? Just scrap the end.