Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26169026-20160129192530/@comment-26030957-20160131222015

I think you are really onto something with the whole Mormon thing. That is a great idea, and I would really get into that whole thing. I've always been fascinated by Fundamental Mormons and have done a fair bit of research into them. Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith by John Krakauer is an excellent book that really gets into the nitty gritty of extreme Mormonism. It is a nonfiction book that examines some of the modern cases of kidnapping, child brides, murder and general insanity of modern Fundamental Mormons, but also includes the history of the church. A must read. I also loved that television show Big Love. Did you ever watch that?

Okay, so your story. Well, I would change her age from 26 to 15 or 16. Fundamentalist Mormons are notorious for marrying off their daughters as teenagers, it also makes the story more horrifying. Young protagonists are often easier to relate to and emphasize with as well. I would dig deep here and really show a slice of their life. Family meals with lots of dialogue are always a great place to show the dynamics and inner-workings.

About your vampire. I'd introduce him earlier. Could he be a traveling preacher? A door to door salesman? A new convert? A real estate developer just come to town? She sees him around and he always locks eyes with her. I'd also try to smash any stereotypes or cliches, you don't want your readers to groan.

I think you have the workings of a great story here, but you have a lot of work ahead of you. The first thing I would do would be to work out the basic story structure. You've got a beginning, now think of a middle and an end. Write it out as an outline, or on a bunch of note cards. Think, think, think, think about it. What do you want to say on a deeper level? Where do you want to take it? It sounds like it wants to be a love story. Will this vampire be a sympathetic character or an evil creature? Take a hot bath and mediate on how you want to end this story. Then get a glass of wine and a notebook and start jotting down notes. Go to wikipedia and start doing research on Fundamentalist Mormons and vampire myths and legends. Let it consume you.

Good luck, I think you are off to a great start!