Talk:The Dead Sea

I like the premise - very seldom do these sorts of stories describe a vision of Hell in water. A few things aren't clear, however, and could use rewording or elaboration. (Probably the former; it's best kept brief.) First, I don't like that the whirlpool is triggered just by understanding this written phrase; it seems like something more concrete should serve as the key, an action or spoken phrase perhaps, not just some private knowledge entering the brain. Second, the story seems to indicate that the sea in this new realm is full of blood, and that that somehow prevents people from leaving. How? Why? The statements feel unconnected. Also, it's kind of silly for the narrator to predict the reader's emotions - if I suddenly land in Hell, it's pretty obvious that "a mixture of fear and shock" is going to hit me. Javer80 (talk) 02:03, August 29, 2012 (UTC)