Talk:Caffeine/@comment-25052433-20150525185052

Ok, let's take a look at Caffeine!

The boring stuff first. You're grammar, writing, tempo and pace were all perfectly executed here. I did remove a comma and I changed shadow of a prick to shadow of the prick, as the room mate was already the object of his focus.

Other than that, all the grammar looked great to me, and while good grammar is not always the hallmark of a great story, it does speak volumes about you as a writer, as you clearly take your time and make sure that you produce a great product on all levels.

With that said, let's move on to the actual product.

This is a theory that I think we all knock around in our heads. The idea of how much more accomplished our lives could be if we didn't have to hit the pause button for about 8 hours each and everyday. The side effects though always become the foil for such thinking, as they did in this story.

I enjoyed the very specific and scientific approach you took to the character's plan to avoid sleep. It almost stands to reason that food equals calories, and calories equal energy, so why couldn't a heavy intake of food keep us going. Perhaps it can, physically, but as you explored in this piece, the mind still needs that time to sleep.

I would have actually liked to have seen this one go longer, with more exploration into the character's slide into madness. You did a great job on leaving the room mate situation vague, opening up the debate to whether or not his roomies were even messing with him in the first place, or if it was all just cooked up in his head due to the lack of rest. Honestly, either answer could be right, because as most of us have learned, room mates can be total dicks.

This was a great story all around and a very enjoyable read. As I said above, I would have liked more detail and perhaps a broader plot, but those critiques speak more to the quality here than anything else, as it simply left me wanting more.

Great job!