Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31261227-20170208190924

I have been meaning to write this story for awhile now, I finally finished it, and accidently posted it, I meant to come here first :( Anyways this is a story I thought would be interesting, it took me a long time to write this, so I'm a little shy and nervous, every time I write something, I get rude comments, to the point they make me cry (low self-esteem). So I hope you enjoy this story :)  I would love feed back!

Daniel Sanctum was your average 8-year-old boy, slim, dark brown hair, brown eyes, and bright. He made his mother and father proud with his schooling, taking care of his pet cat, and helping his mother Lynnthea as well with chores and cooking. Life was good for the young boy, he loved to go hunting with his father Charles when the season peeked for deer. It seemed like nothing could go wrong, he had everything, what more could he ask for?

One night, everything went tumbling down, like a nuke going off and everything was destroyed, his father lost his job, causing him to drink heavily, and his mother started seeing another man. Dan knew he had to step up and do more work then he should, he also knew his Lynnthea had been lying to Charles, about her escapades. On Dans ninth birthday, he wished everything could return to normal, but a wish can only go so far. That night his dad was drunk, drunker than usual, and decided to teach his wife a lesson, a lesson because she stopped making love and with this grotesque man that she vowed to love, he figured she was cheating when a close friend called him after seeing Lynnthea with another man at a restaurant. Dan woke up to the screams of his beloved mother, being innocent, he decided to get up and check if she was okay, he tip-toed in the pitch black room, out into the hallway, with a faint light coming from his parents bedroom, and peered inside, among the sounds he saw a shocking sight. His dad was on his mother strangling her, he knows about sex, but this was different, his mother was yelling in protest, as his father added more of his weight on her, more men was caught in the corner of Dans eye they filming and laughing at this cruel, horrific scene, they eventually joined in on the "fun" his father was doing. As it was over, Charles pushed Lynnthea off the bed, making her face plant on the wooden floor, he then got off the bed, grabbed her hair, smashing her face into the flooring with a hard thud, until blood leaked out of her nose and mouth. Dan covered his eyes and backed away slowly, before backing into a corner, he slid down the wall, put his head between his knees, then covering his ears. With one last hard thud, Lynnthea had stopped breathing, Charles got up, left the scene with his buddies, somehow he didn't see his son in the corner, it could be he was too drunk or just forgot.

The morning sun shined through the windows, Dan had not left his spot since he saw what his father did to his mother. He rubbed his eyes hoping it was a nightmare and that he sleepwalked into the spot he was in, he quietly creaked his parent's door open, and saw the bloody mess of his dead mother, Dan walked over and placed his hand on her shoulder, pushing her slightly. "Mom?" he whispered softly "M-mommy?" He realized she was slightly cold, had no pulse, and wasn't breathing. He closed his eyes and started to cry, he got up and walked over to the phone to call the police. When police arrived, they asked Dan questions about what he saw, why didn't he call sooner, and why did he stay in the house, all of which he couldn't answer well, the shook it off as the shock, and had an ambulance take him to the hospitals.

Dan laid on the white bed, thinking why his father hurt his mother, she made a mistake, an awful mistake, but he had always learned to forgive those who did make mistakes, did his father lie about forgiving people? No, that wasn't the case, that wasn't it at all, it was his dad who made the mistake, he should be the one that isn't forgiven, Dan thought. Dan shut his eyes for a few moments, just as he was about to fall asleep, a strange visitor entered the room, he introduced himself as Travis, he had heard what had happened and felt like he and Dan had things in common.

Both of their mothers had died in some gruesome way, their dads had vanished, and left alone at a very young age with no relatives to be with, in fact, they seemed to be exactly the same in every way, but Trais was different, he claimed he knew magic, special magic, and if Dan helped him, he could repay the favor. Trais had offered him if he helped bring him, ten souls, with those souls he can bring his mother back to life. Excitedly Dan agreed, but didn't know how to bring Trais the souls, Trais asked him if he knew how to dance, Dan did learn how to ballroom dance with his mother and knew some swing, but that was it. Dan told him what he knew, Trais then gave him sharp claws and told him that is how he can get souls, to lure girls, women, boys, and men into a dance, and he will take care of the rest. His new found ability is called soul extraction, it's painful but gets the job done quickly.

Dan carried out his duty, did exactly as Trais told him, he'd lure a lonely person, and danced with them, to make them smile, to make them feel better. After they finished dancing, Dan would turn demonic, and dig his claws into them, ripping their souls out. This went on for a while for Dan, but he eventually received the ten souls, hoping he had gathered enough, Dan went to Trais. Trais looked at his young warrior, who did everything he asked, but what Dan saw next, made him cower, Trais slowly melted, his face peeling off slowly, revealing a monster. Trais laughed cruelly and slapped Dan hard across the cheek, telling him he is a fool, that he shouldn't trust those who seemed too good to be true. Dan held his cheek, tears flowing down in confusion, asking with a quiver in his voice "What are you?" Trais chuckled and a smile with fangs peering underneath the rotting muscle "I am just a lowly demon who wished to be free from this prison." He replied coldly. "Unfortunately, it seems you caught yourself in a pickle, with those ten souls, you have set me free, and sealed your fate, you are no longer human my dear boy, you are now a criminal, you actually got your own name, the towns people, police, and your friends, call you The Dancer." Trais started to laugh menacingly "Oh how good it is to be so free! I can finally accomplish my deeds, using an idiot like you has been my best work, the best part is Dan, you are bound to me, no light will keep you safe. Not even your dead mother, she's dead, and she had it coming. Possessing your father has been the key to this whole charade." Dan just stood there in utter humiliation, he could feel his sorrow slowly turn into rage, but knew he didn't have the power to kill Trais, he became something he'd wish he never had, something far scarier than that night his mother died.

He became a monster. 