Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37967823-20190305065519/@comment-33904527-20190305220405

Promising idea, but like BloodySpghetti said, it feels quite rushed and the build-up is much too quick. Also, the end image does make it feel a little childish. Try to add in more visceral detail, I feel like this is a story that could benefit from some NSFW language.