Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24759772-20141011033308/@comment-24821182-20141013041147

Okay, I think this is a vast improvement. The formatting is a little odd now (with the huge letters), and you solve this by pasting into source mode rather than using visual mode in the editor. The indents you put before the start of certain paragraphs should probably also be removed; although they are correct to use if you're writing a book, here on Wikia they can cause your paragraphs to be scrollable.

Now for some grammar:

- There's one or two places you forgot to capitalize the first letter of a sentence.

- "I don't remember this happening the boy thought to himself." should have the thought put in italics, just like you do with the thought that begins the story. The placement of a comma after "happening" is also needed.

Anyway, if you proofread one more time, I think you should try posting it as an article.