Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25188530-20140919011841/@comment-25226524-20140919013326

Well it's not a bad concept. Being that this is just a summary of what your story will be, I can't give much of a critique. If it were me, I would change the climax, and also add some tension.

I would tell about the mysterious girl magician being seen around the neighborhood. Then I would have mysterious suicides start popping up around the community, building tension. Then the protagonist becomes terrified as they make the connection between the magician and the suicides, realizing that they had played a coin game with the magician.

Then ending pretty much the way you had it, other than the others in the house being dead. I would just make it be an empty house or her bedroom, with the girl waiting inside. Maybe when she tries to run, the door slams shut. Just get creative with it. This is just my opinion, hope this helps. Good luck.