Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444017-20191023053921/@comment-7673575-20191023070942

I didn't really notice any grammar errors (but that might just be my bat ass) so I'll dive into the dissection of the story herself.

So, Joaquin Phoenix (because that's the only way I can imagine out antihero) is literally killing people for the show, and a bunch of people watch it?

I'm not really sure about this.

Don't get me wrong, this is solid as Stonehenge in regards to horror. But the plot seems a bit untied in a few spots.

Joaquin apparently kills people (and I presume robs them because you've made the effort to point out that Marge had jewelry on her person), but nobody notices that, even as he quite literally cuts a person in half just before their eyes. Even though:

a) the person never climbed out of the box

b) Joaquin wheels them behind without letting them out himself

Especially considering he apparently did this multiple times in the past.

And he apparently drugs Lisa so she's his compliant slave. It's a nice touch, but it'd be just as nice if they were like Joker and Harley; a pair of pshycho murderers. Jus' my opinion, tho.

From what I've gathered the box is made to enclose the entire person and is soundproofed from the inside, but that still doesn't explain how people don't notice that it's literally a killing machine.

I warmly advise on adding some more meat to the admittedly fairly strong bones of the story, but that aside, I find no major issues with it.

Glad to see you back in the writing game.