Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-8674030-20140807022344/@comment-25286366-20140812002803

Princess Callie summed it up well. It generally moved too fast, and I couldn't really tell what was going on. The story itself is OK (Although, like said before, relying to heavily on "Hunger Games" and "Battle Royale"), but I don't see how this could ever be creepy.

If I were you, this is what I would do (Go whichever way you want, just trying to be more helpful than just summarizing Callie's comment)

-Focus more on character development, the only trait I can figure out by the protagonist is "main character". I'm sorry, but I didn't figure out what the setting was, either. -The "audio tape" thing won't work well with your story. -Add details about the gang, make the gang feel like an actual possibility, and make the reader think "I might be next"- this will add some creepiness. Throw in the idea that they are a Satanic cult, or something, that usually works. -Change the ending. Example- The main character gets eaten by the gang- they like the most lean meat (haha I am a sicko). 2nd- The gang leader wants to do something horrible to the main character but, like in yours, he gets killed first. -Keep the part with the protagonist apologizing for shooting that girl in the leg. That, my friend, was just genius. (This time, I'm not sarcastic)

Sorry for such a long comment. When I give ideas and feedback I just tend to throw up my ideas, whether the be quality or not. I hope my criticism didn't offend you. (I know this is sort of advertising, but I but up my creepypasta, "Mortimer" on the workshop earlier. If you have the time, would you mind taking a look at it and giving feedback? Don't feel obligated to.)