Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24859608-20140515191030/@comment-24927388-20140515231657

I agree with Resident DeVir on a lot of his points. There is some akward phrasing, and hard to comprehend dialogue between the boy and the narrator. I feel it is a decent concept, if you were to take the basis of the story and change a few things, namely the pacing, it can be a more capturing story.

It progresses a little slow, and when every thing happened it was really brief and short lived. I felt the explanation of the animals was a little too specific. You said if you travel 20 miles east you will see a polar bear, and the way that comes off is that polar bear is always in the same spot.

I dont feel you should completely scrap this story, as I said, it has potential. Yet with the plot progressing the way it does, it leaves more to be expected than the events that unfolded. The six year old seems far more sophisticated than any six year old ive ever met, and thats not necessarily a bad thing, but I feel there needs to be more explanation as to who the kid is/why he is so intelligent.

The ending seemed a little rushed, maybe have the events transpire a little earlier in the story, and expand on them a little. Maybe the child had survived on radiation contaminated human meat, or was exposed through the environment and became the devious little shit he is. In my opinion things were a little too specific when they shouldnt have been, and too bland when they shouldve been elaborated on.

Im not gonna get into grammar, because Im not perfect as far as spelling and punctuation goes, and I dont feel you made any more mistakes than I would have. One thing i did almost forget to mention was some of the sentences read as if they were two separate sentences " He didn't want to talk about his family, he had a pocket knife on him." and "How he saw a dying man, who supposedly tried to attack him, had galls in his pocket."

Dont feel pressured to finish a story, so that the climax or plot feel forced. Things should progress consistently. Spend a little more time on it and it will get there. Also dont take anything i said to heart if it came off harsh at all. Im still trying to better my own writing.