Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9584883-20141218151039/@comment-25052433-20141219165640

So this was really good. It reads like a classic noir detective story but with a modern setting. In the opening scene, I could almost hear the saxophone music playing. Very well done.

The character development is spot on. In the few short paragraphs, I already find myself caring about Chris Priest and hoping things go well for him. That is an excellent accomplishment in shorter stories, but you pulled it off well.

Normally I hate Creepypasta references in Creepypasta stories. But I really like that fact that you took the time to change it to "scarypasta." While we all know it's still a reference to our own little site here, the fact that you changed the name shows creativity and not just taking to easy route. Excellent work.

The set up for the plot was done very well. You set the scene while still keeping the bitter anti-hero detective vibe going strong. You opened up just enough of the story to keep us wanting more. I am honestly really looking forward to the next installment of this.

I like the reference to the town from your other stories. Many great writers, like Stephen King, will use the same setting, even if just in a mention, to tie stories together. Like Castle Rock or Derry. This has always been a favorite practice to watch.

A few things I noticed though. You did a lot of double spaces between sentences it looks like. Close those up, just one space. Other than that, I didn't notice many other grammatical errors.

Overall this is excellent and I cannot wait to read more. Great job!