Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5239282-20140530021943

I'll skip the lengthy background for your sake. My one fear is that it's not concise enough; it just bounces around without actually establishing what's the problem. I understand it can work in some circumstances, but it's always been a hit and a miss for me. Hopefully this takes the cake; and if so, I'll move it to my personal poetry collection.

From the tree’s hollow we crawl;

Born to bawl,

The truth of our origins we’re forced to haul.

Finding comfort among the mass,

Together, we choked on reality’s gas.

Stripped of all identity,

We melded into one entity;

United, we breathed in serenity.

Drowned out by the deafening roar of our cries,

I realized that I was a part of the flies.

From the mouth of my descendant

Come hymns praising our defendant,

Portrayed resplendent and transcendent.

But the truth

Is never pure in the eye of the sleuth.

Made to doubt;

Made to tread the unholy route;

Made to survive amidst knowledge’s drought.

Now I know

And with enlightenment I glow.

The error of our ways, I want to show.

Burrowing into my brother’s skin,

“What have I become?” with a grin.

The reason we bleed

Is the same we plead

Till all we have left is to cede.

My family looked at what I had done,

But had no choice but to condone.

For the tears my brother had shed

Were in their stead;

And upon similar sacrifices, we were lead.

They were the next to be woven into death’s thread.

Reemerging from deep night, I watched as they were claimed by fears;

Overcome by angst, their flesh sears

“My sins are too great to bear,” they said through sneers.

The last of them forsook me as the tears I swallow;

My brethren retreated back to the hollow.

To be ripped away from love’s warmth by a mighty bird?

How absurd.

I only wanted my voice to be heard.

Sour thoughts spilled in my mind;

And to all reason, I am blind.

My ideals unsung,

My head I hung,

Exposing the smut of my tongue.

On deaf ears it fell.

At the bell’s final toll,

I realized my true role.

It stung like coal.

Revelation after revelation had shown

That I was truly alone.

The solution arrived as I sat on my throne.

My brethren retreated back to the hollow;

Will I follow? 