Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4499225-20150301064232/@comment-25975226-20150301070326

I agree with the above comments. There isn't enough here. He fell into a coma, right? So why do they tell him every day that they're here to help. I doubt they'd think he'd be able to hear and understand them.

'Cause unknown' isn't creepy unless the reader is given subtle clues as to what the cause really probably is (like something possessing them etc.) but the doctors can't figure it out. It gives the reader a connection to the character. It has them screaming on the other side of their computer saying, 'He's possessed/rare disease/antagonist did something/etc.! Just figure it out, please!" (Basically, it gets the reader involved, unknown causes aren't creepy by themselves)

Yes, readers want to be left to figure some things out for themselves, but in the end they want an answer that they can be sure about (their interpretation or a definite answer), but this gives nothing I'm afraid.

With a little re-working and embelishment, this could be a really good story. Your descriptions and writing techniques are really, really good. Please don't let this idea die. Keep on writing! :)