Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33795301-20171204011353/@comment-5952769-20171206084702

This is an interesting premise. Living as an alien while dreaming is creative way to bring a human character to another planet without having to deal with the logistics of space travel. It reminds me of an old short story about someone inhabiting the body of an alien ape when his body on Earth is knocked unconscious (I can't remember the title or author). The world-building is quite creative. The descriptive prose is strong enough that I could visualize the strange setting. I started to feel invested in the main character's avatar, even I knew from the beginning that his death wouldn't have much consequence for the narrator.

I think it would be helpful to clarify the time issue. Does this all happen in one night? The events described sound like they would take too long to fit into a period of human dreaming, unless time passes differently in the two different worlds. You might also want to go into detail about the transitions from one body/planet to another. What does it feel like to suddenly be a swamp ape? To die on the mountain and wake up in your bed on Earth?

There are a few mechanical errors that proofreading would fix. For example, I noticed that you used "starred" to mean "stared," and a comma is in the wrong place in the first sentence of the third paragraph. The first sentence of the sixth paragraph, while not incorrect, is worded in a confusing way.

The biggest issue I see here is where you've decided to submit this story. It's more melancholy than it is creepy, and it's not very relatable to our world, so I don't think it belongs on the Creepypasta Wiki. You should look into websites/magazines that publish science fiction.