Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28006741-20160319225449/@comment-25326117-20160320031128

1) Most people think children are innocent humans that could do no harm.

2) However, the story here on Daphe Lane is quite different.

3) Little Luke Cargmeire has been diagnosed with this disease, doctors said, but he's always been crazy, and his parents don't know how this devilish child is not innocent.

4) It's not fair!

5) He's crazy, I tell you, C-R-A-Z-Y!  Not all kids are innocent, especially Luke.

6) I blinked, walking closer to the image; Bloodshot eyes, ripped skin, and bone-thin figure.

7) Hearing footsteps behind me, I spun around; green eyes stared at me with baby bangs and noodle-like caramel-colored brown hair.

8) And that's creepy. Very.  (I would advise you not to start a sentence with '''And. '''I think you can revise this sentence as, "That's very, very creepy!").

9) My house is the oldest in East River. (I am not sure, but I think eldest sounds more appropriate than oldest).

10) My house was built by a wealthy man and has been here since 1809; not all of our visitors think this place is very appealing.

11) According to the town's people, John Cargmeire, the man that built my home was described him and his kin as evil and crazy.

12) This is true, The Cargmeire Kin: Luke Cargmeire, Wendy Cargmeire, and even John Cargmeire IX.  (The Roman numerals for VIIII equals to nine. The V makes five and the I makes one. IX is probably you're best option since the I or one subtracts from the X or ten, therefore you get IX, or nine).

13) Yes, a junior.  (It's probably best that you delete the junior detail).

14)  This is going to be one tough story to tell.  (I would probably have written, "This is going to be one hell of tale to tell.").

Overall, I think you should explain the disease, it's side affects, why everyone in the town believes that Luke Cragmeire is a good kid and also explain in what ways Luke's family is sinister. The town's origins and how the disease came about would probably be a good place to start for the introduction and what happens to the babysitter. Does he or she get blamed for the murders? How is Luke connected to the strange events that happened to her and how he gets away without any evidence linking him to the deaths. Does the babysitter get killed or framed for Luke's heinous actions?

I hoped I helped, I didn't mean to sound harsh.