Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24833538-20140428034827/@comment-24569600-20140428041140

I think the concept would be good yes. This may sound weird, but, maybe instead of explaining the plot at the begining, just jump into it, and explain that it's the dreams of the insane at the end. Also, I think you say ¨Jason¨ too much, if you could write first-person I think it would improve it (I.E. ¨I walked for what felt like hours, eventually I came upon another shelf, this one seemed different though, after closely examining it I realized that these dolls were meant to be a family) I think that maybe a development of many different dreams would be good, each one explaining a small part of the plot and backstory. Maybe like a diary kind of thing, with each chunk being a dream. I also envision him waking up alot merely to a white room, some food and water are set up for him to sustain himself, and so it would be a log that Jason would write in a journal provided to him ¨Day one, I awoke in a white room, I am not sure how I got here. I just finished eating some food I found. I am going to go to sleep.

Later I just had a terrrible dream (Proceeds to explain dream) I am scared of what it meant, I have found a note that instructed me to draw what I felt on a paper. I have done it. ''Log number 0.11.10293. ''The subject appears to be stable, we have decided to supply him with drawing material everyday, and note his mental difference by the outcome on the drawing¨ Or something to that affect. It seems like a good Idea and I think him waking up to a blank room would be good, then it could display how these dreams affect him in the real world. I'm not sure what your plans for this pasta were, but I hope I helped wiht some ideas and reviews.