Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24868143-20140427030648/@comment-9967354-20140518103131

This pasta was a bit, bland. And there's a lot of unnecessary description. For example, the bit where James was straining his arms. It seems abrupt as that is completely random. Don't get me wrong, the small things do matter. But a story needs to be consistent. And the ending sort of ruined it. How do you know it was the man you saw? All you've said is that there were a bunch of people killed. Wouldn't you go to the police if you're sure that you've seen something suspicious? Maybe not, for fear that they won't believe you. But why would the reader believe you, either? All in all, James simply seems like a very paranoid person.