Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20190530141440/@comment-35911608-20190531001618

JohnathanNash wrote: "So you’re saying the increase in riots is a sign that people are smartening up?” Randy leaned forward in his chair. “Don’t you feel it in the air? Don’t you hear the whispers that slip out of alleyways and bars? The boiling rage being carried on the wind, in every crowd, in every home? Everyone is ready to explode"

That paragraph is a little confusing, it seems like two different people are talking there.

I agree that there isn't really much to get invested in with this story. If you like the monitoring idea, maybe change it up a little. As far as I can see, there isn't really anything that is scary here. Which could come back to the fact that we don't really care about the characters. The reveal could work, but I think you'd have to change the settings.

Dr. Bob gave some other suggestions above, but if you want to make it creepy, maybe have it be with a group of ghost hunters or something being messed with by the person who called then in. Maybe have them messing with the group, and picking them off one by one. That may be a little cliche, but it would also let the reveal be more impactful. Finding the bodies in the house would cause panic, and not allowing them out would cause them to perhaps turn on each other. Just an idea I got while writing this review. Ah yes, those are supposed to be separate. Bad FANDOM formatting.

And I'm thinking of other ways to go about as well. I'll take that concept under consideration as well. Thanks for the review.