Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28428152-20181024003601/@comment-28428152-20181024054410

L0CKED334 wrote: Whoa! Mind successfully blown! That was far more than I expected! This was a great entry and I loved like 99.9% of it. My only gripe is when Jan is reading the book. You use "hook" as an analogy WAY too much in a couple paragraphs time. You need to mix it up. Instead of "like a fish on a hook" use "like a fish wriggling on the line". It means the same but you're not being repetitive. Plus Mike's image doesn't have to have "hooks" holding back his nostrils. Use pins, needles, barbs...anything but hooks. It will help shake up the wording you have going. Other than that, you're golden. I'll be sure to fix that in the final draft. Glad you liked it. Yeah, the Nameless is a piece of shit. Wanted to make him a bit more vile than the standard pasta monster, and figured I'd make it meaningful in the process. Because I do think horror should be used to touch on heavy topics and address important issues, even if it's not "kid friendly" (though what creepypasta is?)