Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25305839-20161107152707/@comment-31532017-20161107161907

I think you're going for a theory pasta based on your drafts. Here are the problems.

One. this pasta seems to be written like an essay instead of a story and that's something you want to avoid, as it can deter most readers.

Two. Like the two previous users mentioned, this theory pasta is simply too unrealistic even with random facts thrown in.

Even if you fixed both problems, you really need to make this pasta more frightening. Theory pastas are supposed to be convincing enough that it's scary and this is not convincing enough.