Talk:Demon's Den/@comment-28428152-20180208053705

It's a good start, for sure. Absolutely love how you drew from mythology not seen much in Western culture. I will say though that I think the foreshadowing was laid on a bit thick, and I would suggest to take out the last sentence, as it is a bit cliche, as is the first couple of sentences where you tell the reader that this is a true story. I think you mentioned in one comment that it was based on an experience but without the paranormal aspect, but that tactic, as well, is a bit overused, as well as unnecessary, as with any story there's an assumed suspension of disbelief. I'd also recommend maybe changing up the sentence structure a bit, as it is repetitive, sometimes with a little bit too much detail. Dialogue would also be a nice touch, as well, instead of describing what was said.

But again, love the story and love the uniqueness of it!