Talk:Death the Kid/@comment-24838904-20140419224721

To be completely honest, this wasn't very scary. I mean, yeah, it was entertaining, but it didn't make me feel like the kid was behind me with a knife, you know? So, here's some things I think you can change:

1. The title. It had nothing to do with your story, and frankly, it sounds like it was taken from the character in Soul Eater. Also, how is this a computer and internet pasta?

2. Names. All of it was pretty generic. You referred to people as 'the mom', 'the dad', 'me,' etc. If you want to make it scary you have to make it real, and that means giving names and faces to your characters. You can't just say 'she was cute.' You have to give 'her' a name, and a description of what's cute about her. It lets readers visualize exactly what you're talking about.

3. Detail. Along with the names and faces, I want details in the gruesome part of it. If you're gonna have bloody scenes, I need to be able to visualize those scenes. I liked the Victorian-style description of the house. Bring that descriptive part of your writing into the bloody scenes as well. I want to know what color the cars are, how you felt upon seeing the corpses, what let you know that they were dead, etc.

4. Plot line holes. Why were the parents so open about having a psychopath for a son? If it were me, I'd keep stories like that to myself. Also, why does this kid kill people? How did he go insane? And if he's not insane, which I doubt, why does he kill?

5. The ending. Why does the protagonist want to kill the kid? The people he killed weren't close to the protagonist, so....? Or did he just want to alleviate the guilt of the people's deaths?

Other than that, you have a really good idea and plot line here. I just think you could have had more detail. Think about it. How am I going to have nightmares about the killer if you never described what he looked like, other than his long hair?

Also, pictures help A LOT. like, even if a story isn't scary, I'll get creeped out just by the picture. So, you can use yourself as a model, or a friend of yours, for the antagonist, ghost, or whatever in the story. Then, either do some horror makeup (pale skin, scars, blood, etc.) or photo editing in the picture, and finally, describe the character to fit with the pcture. Trust me, it adds dimension.

But, in the end, great job with this! You're an awesome writer!