Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24101790-20140514034832/@comment-9967354-20140514114033

Okay, so I've read this a couple of times, and I think I can finally help out now.

In the beginning, the reader is dropped right into the middle of the zombie apocalypse. It's a very good beginning, because not only does it intrigue the reader, but it also avoids a lot of unnecessary introductions. The beginning of the story is flippin' awesome, really. When the narrator says he collects stories, which, as he has already stated, are means if introductions, it makes everything seem so... Untied against the forces of evil (zombies? Although it'll be unfair to call them evil, I guess). I think about people huddled together in small camps, because company is comfort. u_u I wonder where the people who told him are stories are when he's with the rag man. You don't have to add anything, because the story perfectly fine without the narrator rambling on about himself.

Oh and the narrator doesn't ramble on about himself. That could be a great appropriation on his own good parts.

I dunno what's DMT though. I'd look it up, but uh, whatever.

Another thing that I love about the past is that it isn't a single continuous chain of events, you know? It's simply about an encounter with a fellow survivor (wait, simply? Okay, I'm just gonna ~go with the flow~ of what I've just written). And that survivor has decided to tell the narrator his story -which is okay, because the narrator has already justified it.

The rag man's narration is flawless. Maybe too flawless? He could be perfectly well educated and all that, but maybe you could put some minor flaws in his speech, for the sake of realism. You can completely ignore this suggestion, because it wouldn't affect your story at all, or maybe because at a certain degree it's a stupid suggestion (try asking somebody to mess up their own grammar!). Then again, there are probably no purists around to annoy the rag man in the zombie apocalypse and he probably shouldn't care. If you do this, though, you might want to put up a note or protect the page from the purists that are still alive. *shudder*

The ending is really good. I don't see why it sounds cliche to you. ;-;

As for the title, it's *perfect*. Shush, don't change it. *hugs title and never lets go*