Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25633515-20141107222239

I know I uploaded a creepypasta quite recently but me and my friends have drafted a new one and I would like people's opinion on it as I believe that it can be expanded into a set of stores if I work with it.

''' Creepypasta- Fear '''

'''“What time is it,” I think as I gaze at the ceiling of my bedroom “What day is it… God what year is it?” The realisation of my ignorance brings me to laughter. I’m not sure how long it’s been since I’ve been outside. I used to go outside into my back garden to get some fresh air, to air my bedsores and clear my head of the cabin fever. But after a while the austerity of my surroundings became a thousand dreary eyes that watched me with such devoted attention that they could see my chest rise as I breathed. I quickly retreated to the safety of my home and blocked the entrance behind. My house eventually became as fortified as the best of strongholds after what happened in the beginning and returning to the safety of my domicile calmed me down. The distance I could get from my house seemed to regress. As if my paranoia was closing in on me. '''

'''I haven’t had any visitors for quite a while, or at least I haven’t seen any of them. When my food runs low I am always resupplied as I sleep, as if my defences were as easy to bypass as a wooden gate. I had always wondered who left food and the thought of someone managing to enter my house petrified me, but this stranger eventually became my best friend. And my only friend. '''

'''But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s see. My name is James Salisbury and I’m 17 and I’m not sure when exactly this began. I remember the events of that night clearly with the exception of the people in the memory; people have a habit of fading from my memory. I and someone else, like I said I can’t remember who, were walking down a street somewhere that feels nearby and we were attacked. I can’t remember any of the faces in the memory but the most prominent part of the memory is the blood. '''

'''I awoke at what I now call home without a scratch and with all my memories intact, apart from the people in them. I ran around the house in hysterics and only managed to calm down once I had secured the building. I left the house briefly and ran for help but the fear returned before I could reach the edge of the street and since then the distance I can go has shortened greatly. I barricaded the doors and windows and hid myself away for several days. I wondered what I would do when the food ran out but I decided to think about it when the problem arose as I felt as if I would rather eat my own legs than go back outside. The food ran out after about a week and I decided to leave it one more day before venturing outside again. When I awoke, however, my supplies had been completely replaced in addition to a note from an individual I have come to known as Jeremy; '''

'Dear James, '

'I know you’re scared and I understand how hard the past few days have been. I’m sure you have many questions and I assure you that they will one day be answered but rest assured that you are very important and that you will be awarded for what we will learn together in the near future. '

'Each week I will return and re-stock your supplies so you will be safe as long as you remain inside the house. Well done for doing so well this far, keep fighting. '

'-A friend '

'''I don’t know why I decided to name him Jeremy but I guess it just felt right. I’ve named many things in my time here in an attempt to keep me   from going insane but I think that by doing so just makes me seem more crazy. I don’t have any other official company other than the eyes outside that seem to surround the house completely so I do anything to pass the time; writing, drawing, dreaming and reading any books I can find around the house in an effort to try and understand the one thing about this house that makes me fear it as much as the outside. In the living room there   is a single phrase painted on the walls that none of the books seem to contain any information about; “Nam in bonum tamen hominis. sentio exterrita.” This phrase is my first thought when I wake up each day and my last thought before I go to bed each night. What does it mean? Is it the key to escaping this place and finally to stop being afraid? Perhaps this is the thing that Jeremy had informed me of that will help me leave and become the great contribution to humanity he had foretold. Or perhaps it is just here to add to the fear, my delusional paranoia of the outside world or what little of it I have access to. '''

'''My efforts to retain my sanity are the only things that occupy my day other than sleeping and eating, to anyone else my age that would be a blessing but that would be when there was something else that you could do with your life; I tried to stay awake occasionally to try and meet Jeremy but I can never make it through the night, not matter how much I sleep prior to my attempt and the glucose tablets I consume I can never contact my mysterious guardian angel. '''

'''After idling away the day with any monotonous past times I could conceive of before deciding to take a trip into the garden for some air. I open the door hesitantly, something doesn’t quite seem right. I step outside precariously and the familiar sensation of fear rushes through me and cripples me, I collapse to the ground and have to drag myself inside. I scramble up against the wall, my heartbeat pounding and vibrating through the walls. The paranoia has approached a lot quicker than I could have anticipated; now it was right on my doorstep. '''

'''I grab some food from the counter and head upstairs, placing my supplies at the foot of my bed and then huddling into the corner of the bed which is rested against the wall. I have maybe a day or two before it reaches me. Maybe it would be better to sleep through my demise, the heart attack that will likely occur when my body is overloaded with the sudden rush of fear. Hell. Maybe my brain will explode; a humorous way to go amongst the overwhelming boredom. '''

'''   I awake in the middle of the night, later than I have before. I’m only awake for a few minutes; I check the light outside and find that dawn in approaching. The door is wide open but I bolted it shut yesterday; I stare into the hallway to find something new other than the usual loneliness; the fear, a seemingly transparent cloud that surrounded the house had penetrated my stronghold and was pursuing me into my final bastion to make my last stand. I can’t leave the room and the cloud is beckoning me to it, begging me to join it. I just wish that it would finish me off and end all this but it instead just lingers by the door, waiting patiently for me to crack and throw myself into it, I guess it’s just a matter of time. '''

'''I manage to hold out for a while but my food ran out today, Jeremy will come to re-stock the food this evening but I won’t be able to reach him. I wonder if he feels the effects of the cloud as I do or if I’m just different, unlucky. I contemplate leaving to retrieve more food but I know that it will be the end of me, but by remaining here I am merely preventing the inevitable. I decide that I don’t want to feel the pain and fear anymore and so I allow sleep to take me once more. '''

'''Again I awake, later than the last time but under different circumstance, I am woken up by a crash from downstairs. Someone is here, it’s Jeremy. Suddenly, I am overwhelmed with emotion. You put me here, you’re the reason I’ve been afraid this whole time, and you’re going to die. '''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">'''I sprint down stairs, the cloud bursting through my chest like a lucid spear and I find him. Jeremy. But then I realise, you are the person from my nightmares, from before all of this. You are my friend, and not just a phantom spawned by my decaying mentality but an actual friend that I have known from a normal life. Jeremy is real. But these realisations only anger me further and the feeling of betrayal is contributed to my internal concoction of hatred and spite. I lunge at him and pin him to the ground. “YOU DID THIS!” I scream. “I’LL KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!” I grab a pin from the counter and begin savagely beating him, my only friend in the world was dying by my hand but there is a voice, the cloud, itself that would not allow me to desist; his blood covers the walls and floor and becomes a juxtaposition to its weary surroundings, an escape from the forlorn browns and dreary greys. '''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">'''I only bring myself to stop but it’s too late, Jeremy was everywhere. I know that I am paramount to the devil himself yet fear encompasses me like a sea of a thousand devils; I am going to die. '''

<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">'''I sprint outside only to find the walls of the isolation ward, the same austere yet investigative eyes continue to watch me as they always do, especially when I start to fade and rein act the death of my best friend and my spiral into depression and later insanity. I look around to find the monotonous shades of the house replaced by the irksome tones of the sky on the room’s walls. The faces of those that watch me remain faded like those from my past, with the exception of Jeremy’s face, who remains a blood stain burned into my mind with the cloud’s never ending attempts to enter my room. ''' <ac_metadata title="My new creepypasta"> </ac_metadata>