Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24038243-20150527151803/@comment-26007602-20150530154402

Quite honestly, there isn't much creepiness here. The story is carried solely by shock value and uses the "look behind you" cliche. Both of these would warrant it's removal.

The idea that someone would wake up every day to "commit evil" for the sake of being evil is fairly ridiculous. I find this characters thoughts cringeworthy because of how cliche they are. I think you need to give him more motivation than just being evil. That'll flesh out the character and make him seem like less of an idiot.

You'll also need to find a way to make the story creepy without only using a description of torture. That just isn't scary and makes most readers roll their eyes when they get to it. The fact that it is the whole story is a bit problematic. Maybe instead write from the victims standpoint; that would probably make for a more interesting story. Write about he's stalked by some crazy dude and kidnapped, but don't go into too much gore detail. Gore doesn't generate horror, it supplements it.

You should elaborate on what "it" is more. It has the potential to be interesting, but only currently serves as a plot device to dispose of the victims remains. So it's basically useless storywise, as there's nothing creepy about it.

The final poem, is a lame way to end the story. The poem itself comes out of no where, and the "I'm behind you" scare is cliche and overused.

I think the story would do a lot better with an actual plot rather than a description of how this guy kills his victims. Why not have him stalk a guy and do all this instead of saying "this is what I do"?