Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20180828001306/@comment-9041013-20180902111652

Honestly, I would change the ending to one where Williams declines the mission to save Speedy out of his fatigue with the system, ends up joining some mountain top monastery somewhere, in a secluded place. Now instead of being randomly being pulled into a trap, I'd have the military monitor Williams for a while, before deciding to get rid of him out of paranoia.

Now instead of just trapping an immortal former soldier inside a mountain mass, this would also accomplish killing random civilians and add to the darkness behind the military.

This way you don't even need to involve any external dark forces.