Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-2007196-20190614193145/@comment-35711173-20190614200723

Hi,

Welcome. I am really glad to see your attitude. The best reviews I have received here have just ripped apart my stories.

English: Better than average for a first draft. Here is what I spotted.

First paragraph, last sentence:

It’s a very clever and convincing fake, apparently, in that some real people actually believed that they seen the image in their dreams.

Have seen or saw would be grammatical.

Last paragraph:

Considering the amount of people that go missing here in the States every year, never to be heard from again, with no description of the kidnapper… it really makes you wonder.

The quantifier amount doesn't make sense with people. I'd change it to "number."

Story: To me, a creepypasta is a story that moves from normal to creepy to very creepy to horror at the end. I don't feel the horror. There is nothing that immediately connects me to this story. There's nobody I can define that is in direct danger, just a generic "a lot of kidnappings." I think it's the tie in. You don't have enough to connect that face to crimes. It could just as well have been part of an attempt at a viral marketing campaign for mayonnaise.

If I saw that "Generic" face that nobody has, I'd give him a hug and ask how his son is doing in Army Special Forces. He looks just like one of my best friends that I have known for about 35 years, college frat brother, best man at my wedding, that sort of stuff.