Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444017-20180623102805/@comment-35911608-20180623235125

Ahh, that's better. You fleshed it out some more and it worked out better, at least to me. I do have a few notes to make, which I hope would improve it more.

One idea would be to play a little more on Nathan making more mistakes and his increasing worry about being caught, and then maybe going over a short encounter with the police. That would really bring a sense of dread to the story.

The sex scene was... quite random. Perhaps it could be extended just a little more and THEN have the kill take place, make them do something more natural. If you are also having Nathan obsess about Julia, perhaps add a quick sentence somewhere while he was at work imagining himself with her. That way, if you do choose to do the sex scene again, it wouldn't be so sudden and out of place.

I'm totally fine with the twist, I actually didn't see it coming until those last few moments. BUT, and I highly recommend doing this, get rid of the file marked "M" scene. Or, perhaps, move it to after Julia goes for the kill, like making it the last thing Nathan sees. That way, the twist still shocks the reader, and then they get their confirmation that Julia was M.

The last paragraph was a great way to end it, I agree with you on that.