Talk:The Voodoo Queen/@comment-5699173-20140525183026/@comment-5699173-20140618023318

I apologize for being harsh. I really try not to be an ass when it comes to critiquing, unless a pasta's really, REALLY horrible (and this wasn't ALL bad; this site is infested with far worse stories). Personally, I think that it could possibly be good (not too often that a voodoo doll is used to kill people), but the revenge motive has been done again and again. I don't know for certain if you were directly influenced by JTK, but there are so many pastas using pretty much the same theme (teenager bullied/abused to the point where they decide to go on a homicidal rampage of revenge, often mutilating themselves or just becoming deformed in some way) that it gets tough to tell. I'm not telling you to change the story to the liking of everyone else, because it's your piece. You should be entitled to write whatever pleases you. All I'm saying is to just try to improve quality, maybe expand your ideas. As for what I said about info dumps, I'll be more constructive there: Character development is great. By all means, give your characters a personality and a background. But rather than just make one whole paragraph explaining your character's background, personality, appearance, etc, develop your character throughout the story. I understand that you want to give your readers an idea of what your character looks like, but better to do it throughout the story (or not do it at all, which leaves their appearance up to the readers imagination). Again, I apologize for my disrespect before, and I strongly encourage you to expand.