Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25444551-20140920210844/@comment-5299148-20140921030910

Starting out with the "needs work" portion: Similar to what Nac said, THE COMMAS. Work on the grammar. A little variation in the wording describing the character's transformation would work wonders, break out the thesaurus if you really need to. Perhaps pollish the ending a little (the fourth wall endings are overdone and very, VERY hard to pull off).

The positives: I like the premise, impressed that the cliches were minimized in a zombie story. Especially like the "gift" part, the conscious person in the monster body was done well. I can tell from your writing that you put thought into this and didn't just throw it together. Also, minus some imparement from the grammatical errors, the story flowed well chronologically. I see great potential in this! Keep at it!