Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35501632-20180505213611/@comment-9041013-20180507100254

Well if you insist on me being a dick full of critique, there you go.

Your punctuation is bloody off, we're means we are, were is the past tense of "to be". For example that is. Your tenses are just as off, why am I reading a retrospective in present tensing? Past has a past tense to in the English language, learn to use it.

Throughout the whole story I felt like you've simply clumped together a bunch of stand alone sentences with the same subject, rather than actual story.

Not to mention how the formating also somehow was messed up, I don't even know how you managed all of that...

Seriously, how?

As for the plot, why should I even bother? it's a silly re-do of Jeff the Bad Antagonist with the Bad Plot Lines. Full of unrealistic cliches, full of stupid ideas about teenagers, full of insulting misinformation about mental conditions. Yeah, that's sad that you think being a kid with anxiety equals being a capable killer given enough "anger".

Rose is a student who goes to Cosplay/Anime/whatever conventions and yet she has nobody to hang out with? Bullshit. Sorry, but these kinds of things garner a lot of attention and tend to create thightly knit communities of people who have at least something in common, therefore, Rose should have friends and not give two flying fucks about the kids at school think.

Snapping to the point of planning a murder, or in this case, a mass murder, yeah that doesn't happen with normal people, thus, isn't scary because its VERY HYPER UNREALISTIC. Even to those who do not understand psychology and psychiatry, Rose does not make any sense, she is an impossible kid, based on the information you've given about her.

If anything, her snapping should be an anger outburst that leads to a person's accidental death, forcing her to deal with the outcome, thus descending further and further into her stress, anxiety and eventually breaking down mentally - that, when done right, could be a great story of a teens and bullies, and I'm pretty sure no one's going to call it out on being a cliche. Also, Rose somehow being a super criminal genius also makes no sense, and she is bound to be exposed as the murderer and aprehended by the police pretty quickly.

What I've posted is a parody of all these "Teen goes murderer" schtik stories, they all suck. Now get back to work.