Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5952769-20151230103047/@comment-26007602-20160102201932

I wrote a more in depth review for this, but my stupid phone deleted it, so let me give you the quick version. This story is lacking in three major categories: description, tension, and the ending. The purple ooze is barely described, and needs more description to make it a threatening and interesting monster. What does it sound like? What's the texture of the ooze? What's it smell like? How does it move? Try answering some of these questions. The main character as well lacks much depth, having no personality or defining traits. I'd try and flesh the character out a bit more, as she really isn't anything and I have no reason to emotionally connect with her. Give us thoughts or reactions to the ooze or dialogue.

This story lacks any build up to the blob. It appears without reason, without foreshadowing. You need at least two of these to make a monster work: reason for being, build up, or foreshadowing of the monster. This blob appears out of nowhere and attacks the narrator without reason. There needs to be more build up to the monster.

Finally, the ending is far too abrupt. The narrator ends up living in a sewer without explanation? Why? She goes from the blob attack to the underground without transition; the aftermath of the blob attack as well isn't handled too well and could be extended so we could question the character's sanity or not.

Again, that's the quick version, but I hope what's here is still useful.