Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28938497-20150114145218/@comment-27007772-20150114190247

Paragraph by Paragraph dissection-Each separated area counts as a paragraph. Rules are in affect and directed to a seasoned author. If you are a new author, do not take all of the criticism to full charge, as it may seem harsh. ___________________________________________________________ 1) Damnit, Thomas. Also, starting a pasta with a single line of text can usually backfire or start off on a bad foot. This isn't really a bad case, though.

2) Scared of Plants. I understand phobia abuse is very useful, but plants? That's a pretty far-fetched story as well. I had my head smashed and the skin split by a rock, but I'm not scared of rocks. Though, I can see this being a unique idea, which is something I HAVE to give props for.

3) Scotland is a pretty good setting, and the writing here is exceptionally good. A well start.

4) Wouldn't the shrubbery have been broken/smashed by the friends before him that walked through it? I mean, I get it. He can't pass here, but that little point is making me think.

5) There is a typo here. "M pride". Also, they took a friend who is terrified of plants, and left him alone on a forest trail. 10/10 friendship.

6) Build up of the fear. Very good use.

7) Alright, I see that we are about the reach a fear climax, were we get to fully see what this phobia does the the character?

8) Attack of the Living Shrubbery. But I see I was right before, and this is were we witness the fear in place.

9) Jackets are very hard to puncture, especially by plant life. People have survived knife attacks because of their jackets. I do like how the character (Thomas) is becoming erratic as a response, though.

10) The shrubbery has a conscious. "Whoops, sorry. Didn't mean to hurt you." I understand the relief, but that's sort of funny to me.

11) A psychological element here, I see? Very good. Psychological horror is a wonderful thing.

12) He somehow completely conquers his fears of the nettles to show his friends. Alright.

13) Another typo. "Wjholew". There we go, psychological horror. It is pretty well implemented here, too.

14) He regenerated like a plant from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Over all, good writing in this pasta, and the horror elements changed enough to keep me interested.

-Score-

Writing 5/5 Creepiness 1/3 Plot 1/2

7/10 8/10 if this is your first pasta.