Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25089042-20140621133819/@comment-24115679-20140622082043

Something wicked, indeed. When he first read that note I got some serious chills. Such a simple phrase, but very effective. But for me, Mr. Martino swallowing the note was too much, too soon. It's overly bizarre in a way that takes some of the shock value out of the ending. I also think that the climactic showdown with mom and dad might be scarier if it was less about their berserk rage overpowering him, and more about his reluctance to attack his own parents (or at least, things that resemble his parents). I think the ending would be creepier if he couldn't even bring himself to swing the baseball bat. I think that's closer to how I'd react, if I suddenly had to defend myself against one of my parents.

The whole coming-of-age story in disguise angle is interesting, but I don't think I would have seen it on my own. I suppose it's true that the character begins with "room for improvement," and by the time the story ends he's found his purpose, so in that sense he does come of age.