Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25170312-20180204184544/@comment-25170312-20180207170131

JohnathanNash wrote: This was a pretty good story. There are some things I’d suggest changing though. The first one would be instead of saying her while the protagonist is watching the video, have it say me, or the other me. Something along those lines, otherwise it can be a little confusing.

The ending was obvious, but that’s not always a bad thing. However, it may be better to have there be a bit more of a conflict after the boy was murdered. Maybe have the protagonist hear foot steps or something like that, build up the tension a little. Everything else had already been told to us through the dream.

You could also play with the idea of her going crazy, or staying sane. Maybe have her see her reflection standing at the end of the hall, but when she looks again it’s gone. That’s just a suggestion, and not really needed at all.

What I liked about this story is the fact that we knew what was going to happen from the start. It’s kind of a double edged sword, and if you play with that idea a little more it would make the story really strong. We know what’s going o happen, but maybe she can stop it, or maybe it’s all just a nightmare that’s driving her crazy. If she slowly gets a little crazier as the story goes on, by the end of the story the reader won’t know what to believe.

I’m writing this on my phone, so excuse any grammar errors, I didn’t notice any in the story though.

The idea was pretty good, a nightmare predicts the future, and it doesn’t look good. That’s a really good plot, and points for not having her dreaming at the end. That would have killed the entire story.

Anyway, hope that helps a little. I’m sure it will be a wonderful pasta when it’s finished.

You've given me a lot to think about. I might put this on hold and come back to it because there's something else I really want to write at the moment. Then I can take my time figuring out what to add. Thanks, this was extremely helpful!