Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25678492-20141113194855/@comment-25020396-20141114010636

Criticisms:


 * every story needs a title


 * this isn't really a criticism.  In fact, it's a tough one, because it's hard to do:   Don't tell us, show us. I'll try to be more specific with an example:

We know that Ryan is 16, in high-school, likes games and slasher films all in the first paragraph because the storyteller told us so. What if we had learned all this over a few paragraphs that set the scene and characters? What if the first paragraph starts with James calling Ryan about his homework? We'd know that they were in high school without you needing to tell us so. They could chat about the new Assassins Creed release  and establish that they were normal kids with normal interests.... James could kid Ryan about going to see Annabell (or to keep it classic, a midnight movie marathon of Friday the 13th movies).

What I'm trying to say is that it's more interesting to establish character by interactions between the characters, or by their actions in the story.