Talk:Grandma's Apartment/@comment-26007602-20160106155532

I figured I'd leave my thoughts here.

Overall, I thought it was a pretty well written, suspenseful story. The fact that it is based in reality (minus the ending of course), makes it more interesting. I can totally see the thought process behind the main character, which is apparently you in this case, and that helps me emphasize with them, as I know exactly the paranoia going through their head at the moment. I want to emphasize that I love the way the character reacts to the tiniest things, as that's more relatable than I'd care to admit. The ending may be a but abrupt, and could have been drawn out more, but it does its job well for the sudden end the character is supposed to meet.

The only thing I would change would be the inner thoughts. Complete sentences don't do a great job of representing ones thoughts. I'd make them more haphazard, as if they were tinted with fear and jumping to conclusions. "I must get this over with quickly" bothers me the most as it just doesn't seem like something someone would think (apologies if this was your exact thought at the time). Something like, "Gotta get this over with now" conveys the same thought with a touch more realism, at least in my opinion.

Other than that, I thought it was a short, well constructed story. Definitely well done.