Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26308279-20150413133602/@comment-26308279-20150414135050

EmpyrealInvective wrote:

Optiploxicon wrote: Author here. Just a side note, this is my first pasta to work on and it started as an idea of an innocent child eating "bread". Well, looks like the replies show plot-holes and no grammar corrections. Is that true? Just to confirm. I'm wondering at which part exactly was the cause for my pasta's deletion. I do intend to save my work but not to upload it to this site again. As the person who deleted your story, I can answer that simply enough. The story frequently shifts tense from present to past tense when you really should be writing it in past tense solely due to the fact that the first line states the date as occurring in 2004.

There are three fairly large plot issues. First being the police. How would they miss either the piece of flesh sitting on the table or the boy sleeping under the bed? It seems off that they would also clean-up the crime scene so quickly (in one night) especially when considering they likely didn't solve the crime within the time span given.

Bread and meat are also two very different things. You write: "Simon was always fed bread his father gave him (phrasing) since that was the only kind of food he knew at the time but he knew (redundancy) bread when he tasted it" yet he really can't tell the difference between meat sitting on a table and bread? Those are two completely different foods, both in taste and texture. Those plot holes were too large to overlook and the constant shifting between past and present tense in a story that is told in the past were why the story was deleted. Noted. Thanks for the feedback.