Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24962525-20140522051052/@comment-24784485-20140523035027

Look, just look it over. Get a thesaurus. And find a way to better describe exactly what a "crazy room" is.

Seriously, read it. Is it even legible to you? If so, I'd be surprised. Once you've redone it, read it again. then post it. And then, and only then, can someone tell you what the specific problems are. Right now the story is one big grammatical error. And its hard enough to slog through it, much less give it a positive review.