Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20150430062138/@comment-26326346-20150510212313

I did a light revision. I cut some of the dialogue and attempted to make things sound less robotic. I added in a couple of interruptions in order to make it not seem like Steve was droning on and on. I had the dark haired nurse from the beginning interrupt and I had Steve weep when he thought back to the snake and the loss of his hand.

I figured it was necessary and would have made sense for him to have been traumatized and hoped that it would have added in some much needed creep factor as well. I also added in a couple of dramatic pauses to show that Steve was having a hard time continuing to tell his story.

I'm hoping that this made it better.