Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29791712-20160217050100/@comment-25941663-20160226231905

I'm afraid this dragged on a bit. You are a bit too "talkative" here. At times I was forgetting I was reading a creepypasta. Some parts of this were distracting, more than anything. For example, the part about the paranormal video that uncle showed them doesn't serve the story a purpose. You've already told us that the narrator loves horror, that little tale wasn't needed. On that matter, you described how much the narrator loves horror twice. These are all parts that can be cut. Oh, and at times the narrator acted like a little kid while waiting for the story to be told. I don't remember where, but if you read it again you'll find a couple of moments where you can cut down on his enthusiasm a bit.

The first part of the story, in all honesty, is a bit boring. I suggest you shorten it. There's too much character interaction.

The second half was much better. The pacing picked up a bit, but there were still some moments that dragged on.

All in all, this was a good premise with nice execution. It's lengthy, though, for the story you're telling. Trimming the unnecessary parts out will do this story wonders. I have no other problem with the story, so it's pretty much good to go (in my opinion).