User blog:Helel ben Shahaar/Brush with Death

I wasn't really gonna talk about this. Sounded much too pathetic and dramatic to mention. Still kinda does.

But in these two years on the Wiki, I came to realize some things: some people I met here, are some of the nicest, funniest, sweetest, smartest, and overal best people I've met in my life. And although we've never seen face to face, I consider some of you as my second family.

And as such, I think it's fair I that you should know what happened.

How I almost left you. For good.

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It was two, almost three days since then. I was in the hills, doing the single most god-awful job I could do: woodcutting. Might not sound so bad, but coupled with facts that it was only three of us (67, 51, and 20 years old, respectively) against 20m2 of logs and it was about 36°C outside during most of the 12 hours I spent there... It was bad.

As we were sawing the logs that were already dragged outside of the woods, I had a minor accident: as we only had two chainsaws, I was on the cleaning duty, which meant I was moving (actually carrying) wheels of already sawn logs to side. Trying to lift one particularly mossy wheel, I developed what is most likely a case of tennis elbow, and I dropped the wheel.

My right hand was now completely useless, so I was out of action, which reduced the number of workers. Soon enough, we had to go down to the valley to restock on water and fuel. However, there was one problem: due to my injury, I was the only one viable to abandon work and go restock. Not really a big problem, since I am almost perfectly ambidextrous (self taught by the way), and my left arm was the stronger one anyway, despite right being my dominant one (never figured out why).

So, I went on a trip down, restocked on the fuel and water, and went back up. However, rains that were strangely frequent lately, turned the dirt road into a dense, pasty mud. Because of this, going up was quite a labour, and it took me about half an hour to go back up. When I got up, I was sweaty, muddy, and tired.

And my uncle and greatuncle were nowhere to be found.

I figured they moved further inwards to saw down a few more logs. Trouble was, from the clearing where we would saw and load the wood, there were two separate roads, and I had no way of knowing which way they went. So, I sat down on a log to catch my breath.

Soon enough, I heard the sounds of the chainsaw from the right track. That was the way I had to go. Picking up water and gasoline, I went up.

But it was a bitter trip: I was going uphill the entire time, it was hot and damp, the sweat was pouring into my eyes and I couldn't wipe it off, and the belt on my pants somehow got loose and I couldn't tighten it (my only good hand was occupied with 2 galons of gas and oil), and the road was slippery. It would take me almost 15 minutes to cross 200 meters of the path if I went this way.

So I diverged from the path and went sideways. Soon enough, I could hear the chainsaw quite clearly, and in a moment, I was near the tractor. Relieved, I dropped the fuel and the water near it, and went in the general direction of the sound of the chainsaw.

It was the dumbest decision I made that day.

My eyes were still showered with sweat, so my vision was blurred, and they couldn't see me since my dark clothing was melding me with the shadows.

It all happened in a moment: me stepping out into the light, my greatuncle yelling "No, Mikey, not that way!" and the sound of the 34 meter beech falling down after just being sawn off.

Instinctively, I ran uphill, back in the forest. While running, I stumbled on an old log, and nearly shattered my left shinbone on the impact. I grabbed a nearby branch and pulled myself away, and not a moment too soon.

The beech fell with a deafening crash, only about a spear's reach away from where I was.

The rest of my day was pure misery. I limped, couldn't do anything but watch, and nearly got a tennis elbow in my left arm as well after trying to lift a log with only one arm left working properly.

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Three days later, and my limp is gone, my arm is somewhat okay (the tennis elbow should persist for another few months, and I lost most of my grip, but at least I can feel it again), and my shock has completely worn off.

But this night, I'm alone, and there is no one home, and you know what happens next:

If I was only a bit slower, or ran in the wrong direction, or got stuck in the mud, or fell down...

All my dreams, hopes, ambitions. All that I aspired to be, and all that I've worked so hard for.

All would be lost in a moment. Forever.

And I would never speak with you again.

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This experience helped me realize how some of you were precious to me, and so, I wish to do a shoutout to some of the most distinguished peeps here, in no particular order:


 * Banning - The man far greater than he may appear to be. An amazing writer who earned every bit of his reputation (and then some) and a true friend, who has my deepest respect and thanks.
 * Empy - The man without whom I wouldn't be where I am today. We started off with a bit of mutual animosity, but it only served to push me forward, and today, I carry his torch (yes, I know how cheesy this may sound, but it's how I feel). I consider him my mentor, and I will forevermore be thankful to him.
 * Icydice - The moment he wrote his first story, I knew he had the potential to be great. So I established comunication with him, gave him some minor writing advice here and there, talked to him about issues both on Wiki and in real life. In time, I came to view him as an apprentice of sorts. But now it is apparent that he has far since surpassed me as a writer, and when he told me that my writing partially inspired his own, my heart nearly burst from pride. Because of this, and because our relationship evolved from simple User-Sysop deal, I no longer view him as my apprentice: he is like a little bro to me. I believe in him, I hope that he will one day get to the very top, and no matter what happens, I'll always be there for him, just like he was for me.
 * Loki - I will admit, I was somewhat skeptical about him at first. The fact that his name reminded me of a great turmoil in my life only a year or so in the past didn't help either. Now I see that I was both right and wrong: he hasn't become a great writer, but he can host some awesome conversations, and has a heart of a true Norseman (even if his voice doesn't follow suit). But most important of all, he has a strong sense of kinship. In a way, he is a spiritual heir to Diex, and a good friend whom I wouldn't trade for the Third Yugoslavia.
 * Wallachian - the Romanian sassmaster who basically introduced me to this wiki. A good writer (even though he may not see it that way) and a good friend. I regret that he decided to leave, but should he ever choose to return, I'll be here to welcome him back.
 * Frau Schrödinger - a great writer and a great advisor, for both writing and real life issues. But most importantly, a person who taught me that prejudice isn't always correct. You go, Irene!
 * MrDupin - The man who first offered me to join the staff, who gave me some good writing advice and criticism, and who actually had the nerve to go through with my escapades. Any more words would just be surplus, because super long texts are his style.
 *  Anarchic Operations  - A great writer, and a great friend. Went a little down under the radar as of lately, but I hope he resurfaces again.
 * SoDaft Potato - A guy that came to this Wiki relatively recently, but has already proven himself to be a capable writer, a great conversationalist, and the best sandwich maker on this side of the ocean. But most importantly, it was his words that helped me figure out how I feel about you dweebs.
 * Zarina - Although I have yet to know her, she has so far proven to be a great and dedicated user, and definitely a Rollback material. Hat off to this faire lady.
 * Heathen Owlet - Showing admirable dedication for common user, Owl is next in line for the prestigious rank of Limey Basterd. Great in both editing and writing, Owl shows freat promise for the future, especially in his diligence to report misbehaviour on Wiki (fear him)!
 * Moon-Moon - Not much to say that hasn't already been said, really: outstanding writer, kewl dude, kinda disturbing.
 * ChristianWallis - Honestly, if it wasn't for this one, I would have about 300% more werk on meine hands. Big thanks to him for keeping this Wiki running when I couldn't.

And last, but (not) least:


 * ClericofMadness - Who has my immortal thanks for starting the biggest orgy in the history of the known world, that still holds up to this very day.

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The purpose of this here blog was this: if something happens to me, and we never get to talk again, I just want you to know that I love you all, you crazy, socially inept, capitalist scumbags.

And I truly hope, that if this CreepyCon takes place one day, that we can all gather there for a pint (lemonade for Icy and Potato) and a chat.