Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25100854-20140624174508/@comment-25100854-20140629013035

Hopia wrote: I love the last line. It's perfect, chilling. Just fix the grammar and it could be so much more powerful.

There were some things I found poetic but hard to visualize, especially between these lines: "Bodies were strewn across the streets like confetti and wind whistled through the abandoned town. It laughed the laugh of a man who has seen too much." I suggest either combining or separating the first sentence for clarity. The sentence after it is also a bit vague (I imagine someone who has seen too much to not be able to say anything at all).

I would also replace all the exclamation points with periods instead, but that's just my preference.

Overall though, pretty damn good pasta, especially as your first.

thanks for the feedback :)