Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36815674-20180919161410/@comment-36815674-20180926105109

NedWolfkin wrote: Spelling Issues: "I work endless hours in a restaurant and sometimes didn't get out until rather late." shouldn't it have been "sometimes do not get out until rather late?" having "I work" and "didn't get out" seems like a tense swap. "I had never wanted to be in the comfort of my bed more than  I did that night." you put two spaces after "than", on top of that this feels slightly awkwardly worded. "I noticed a vehicle out of my  peripheral that" first off, there is two spaces after "my" and it would flow better if you said "my peripheral vision." "I have always been the type to be aware of my surroundings at all  times, but this had me feeling a bit paranoid." two spaces after "all", it feels like he should be saying that he has always been paranoid to be compatible with the last part.

Spelling Issues 2: "As I drove passed the car" it should be "As I drove past the car". "front seat.  I" more double spaces. "I wasn't able to make out any of the features of the face" would flow better if it were "I wasn't able to make out any facial features." "It's  probably nothing." more double spaces. "I thought to my self." should be "I thought to myself." then after that you add two spaces. "outskirts of town when i started" you forgot to capitalize "I". "that Featureless face" featureless shouldn't be capitalized. "Just the thought about it  sent chills down my spine." hooray, more double spacing and on top of that it should be "Just the thought of it". "I was about a mile from my road, so I  turned" more double spacing. "I was about a mile from my road, so I  turned some music on to ease my mind." speaking of, he should have done that early, and it feels odd.

Spelling issues 3: "As i looked into  my rear view" more double spacing, you again forgot to capitalize "I". "As i looked into  my rear view mirror, I could see the same car from work as i made  each bend." not only double spacing, but more irregularity. "speed to put  distance between us." you must work on your spacing. "with fear as I  was" more double spacing. "that were illuminating  my car." d  o  u  b  l  e    s  p  a  c  i  n  g. " this late at  night." more double spacing. "him from the water as I was  putting" more double spacing. "for a pulse.I suddenly" you forgot to add a space after the period. "driving the same  model of car as mine." you do know that you only have to hit the space bar once, right?

Plot Issues: This story makes no sense: so he was chasing himself? And how is he narrating this if he is dead? And does he ascend to the afterlife along with the version of himself who died? And this car behind him leaves and he is scared of it. What would have happened if he never went back and realized he was dead? Would his "ghost" or whatever have just went on living his life? Would he have ascended (or whatever) when he heard a news report that they found his body?

This story reminds me of a story that was put in the workshop a few weeks ago (I think it was a few weeks ago) in which a jogger runs into another jogger who looks just like him.

And final note: for the love of Slender Man please try not to add double spaces next time.

It's not me adding double spaces. I'm doing this from my phone.