Board Thread:Off Topic/@comment-25597315-20150222190436/@comment-26007602-20150222222438

You're going to need to separate this into paragraphs if you want people to review it. It's too much strain on the eyes as the wall of text it currently is.

The grammar here is atrocious; the first sentence is a huge run on. I can't tell if "[jack]" denotes someone is speaking or not and am utterly lost at what is currently happening in the very beginning.

You need to put this into Word and sort out all the missing punctuation, capitalization issues, and dialogue quotes. I'm sorry, I can't offer more until the story is actually legible.

Also, if you're going to swear, don't censor yourself; it comes off as childish and off putting.