Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25051266-20141103230530

Hey guys I seen someone else post an unfinished creepypasta for criticism, so I thought I would do the same. Note that this is only a small extract and not the final product.

I shook and shivered. The saliva and pus of my disease-ridden brother came trickling down, soaking the carpet. My life had been broken, everything slowly being snatched away. He looked up at me with his helpless, unforgiving eyes. I couldn't stare back, I couldn't. His blue skin went darker every minute of every second, his eyes got smaller and shrivelled, his voice had been turned to nothing but a loud wheezing sound, like that of a dying dog desperately begging for air. Why must my life be reduced to a living hell? Why! My brother's tears went down his innocent, rough cheeks. And mine too. He looked at me, silently mouthing the words "help me". His hands constantly shook with fear, I knew what was on his mind-the inevitable fate which he would meet. A handsome, young man that I looked up to had been reduced to this thing. A person that I loved dearly had been taken away from me. Again. "Don't worry it'll be fine I...promise." I spoke softly towards the miserable face. "Hey, remember that place we used to talk about when we were kids. Well, today we're going to go there, you remember don't you? Beautiful green fields and flowers of all colours and scents. Mum and Dad would sit there next to the picnic basket with bright smiles on their faces. The sun would shine brightly and we were all happy, let's go there right now." As I talked to him trying to comfort his poor soul, I put my hand in my pocket and shuffled with haste. "Hey why don't you close your eyes and Imagine all of us, as a family together. You, me, Mum and Dad. Just the the four of us. At peace." I took it out, my breath got heavier, my palms started to drip with sweat. I tightly gripped the cold metal of the gun, steadied my aim and fired. A loud sudden bang, my brother lay dead on the soft bed, some blood over my clothes. I had to do it otherwise it'd be too late. 