Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27697299-20160330030638/@comment-34296765-20160531233114

Derpy covered most of everything but yep - lots of grammar needs fixing. I recommend checking the first sentence first (haha) as their are many unnecessary commas, yet you did not put them in places that actually need them (e.g. the interjections, such as "Wow").

Overall I have no idea what the story flow is - it's hard to follow. Who is Menos? What is the significance of "Time is Running Out"? Plus, the Jekyll and Hyde reference seems rather off-topic.

Those are my opinions, and sorry if I was being too harsh. But I hope you take the criticisms into consideration and improve your story.

Good luck.

P.S. Tip: For grammar correction I recommend going on Microsoft Word, copy-and-pasting your story, and running the Spelling & Grammar Check on it. If you don't have MS Office, or a MS OS in the first place, go to an online grammar checker.