User blog comment:Underscorre/Jeff the Killer Rewrite Contest!/@comment-25547916-20151007014246/@comment-5973399-20151007163943

Good work; made the characters all feel much more relatable. Jeff actually feels more sympathetic being insulted than he does being shot at simply because it's grounded in reality and we can actually relate. The part about the orginal Jeff being awful fanfiction he wrote is a really nice touch. Randy's death really does show how pathetic the whole thing is, and is actually pretty tragic.

Minor gripe; the opening of the story is essentily just a ton of uninteresting exposition without any hook or engaging subject. Hell, his parents never even turn up again and Liu's only in it for one fleeting scene afterwards. Might be better the exposition was inserted elsewhere or removed. I know you're kinda forced to include the parents but that could probably just be some random scene later where they're offhandedly mentioned.