Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27012445-20171102144354/@comment-24101790-20171109194150

Little late to the game here, but I decided to give it a review as you did take the time to post it here. Sorry for the late feedback, but these are some things that can be corrected. Let's start with the mechanical issues:

"else;-something more powerful and ancient." A semicolon or an em dash (—) would work here, but not both as the em dash is traditionally used to replace colons, semicolons, and commas.

"In the far corner, just past the merry-go-round, the boy had a puppy corned (cornered) against the chain-linked fence." Also, I might change the first usage of corner to eliminate a possible repetition/redundancy.

Dialogue that should have a comma rather than a period: "Are you sure you don't want to come with me? It'll do you some good to get out." Marrissa said "'(should be a double quotation mark)No, Mom. I want to finish my game with Buddy.(comma missing)" Tabitha said,", ""Yes, Mommy." Tabitha whimpered.". I'd double-check dialogue in case I overlooked anything.

You also capitalize a few dialogue tags that shouldn't be capitalized. ""What did you say, sweetheart?" She (she) asked.", ""What about Buddy?" She (she) screamed."

"Yes, mommy (Mommy as you capitalized it last time).", "she shouted, "Now Buddy, Now (now)!", "I did it, just like you asked. I love you, mommy (Mommy)."

""Tabitha," Marrisa said, "Listen (listen) to me." The first two commas in the sentence indicate a continuation of the previous dialogue.

"Tabitha looked up into the blackness and whispered," I've learned that typically if you are going to space dialogue out and begin it on a new paragraph, you should use a colon rather than a comma.

Story: "The child mutilated the first creature, then the next," I'd add a little to this as describing something as mutilated doesn't quite detail what happened exactly. It doesn't need to be gory, but a slight detail might help the audience paint more of a visual image.

I think this is a good addition onto the Giggle series and I'll be interested to see how you proceed from here with the next installment.