User talk:Dorkpool

Archive 1

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Riff Suggestion
I'm sending you and TheAzumangaDaiohFan this message because I know you both riff stories. I realized that there was someone that had been overlooked. ~points around room before pointing to self~ Me. A year or two ago I wrote, and had deleted, a pasta called "Tanks for the Exhilaration". I neither question nor criticize the deletion. I contend that it's actually well-written. The trouble is it's bizarre and a bad fit for the site. If either of you want I can post it on the talk page of whoever is interested so you can see if it's riff-worthy and otherwise wonder, "What was she thinking?". I'll be happy to answer your questions. ~pauses to ponder~ Well, some questions. Raidra (talk) 18:07, September 14, 2015 (UTC)
 * I can understand that, and I thank you for your interest. Here it is.  Brace yourself for descriptive writing and "What the what?" moments.

Author's Note: For the record, I know this isn’t so much creepy as it is weird.

Having gotten the breath knocked out of him as a result of the last tackle, Frederickson walked to the sideline. He was the team’s current starting quarterback, a role he excelled at. As a result he was the team’s new star, the latest golden boy to have his butt kissed perpetually. It seemed that no amount of praise was too extravagant, and even the most minor of criticisms brought howls of outrage, as if his life and family had been threatened. Some fans and commentators had resorted to trashing his predecessors, who had given the best they had to the franchise, in order to prop him up. They neither understood nor cared that bringing someone down to elevate another only demeaned everyone, including the one they were trying to elevate. Frederickson had not handled this treatment well. He was becoming more arrogant and full of himself, and he had begun losing his temper over the most meaningless and harmless of uncomplimentary remarks. Some sports critics, and even many of his own teammates, viewed him as a diva. Others feared how he’d react if his supporters turned on him like they had the ones before him.

Frederickson took a seat on a bench and removed his helmet so oxygen could be administered. The trainer looked for the pump he usually used, but to his puzzlement it wasn’t there. There was instead a green tank labeled “OXYGEN”. He shrugged it off, grabbed the tank, placed it on the bench next to Frederickson, placed the mask over the quarterback’s nose and mouth, and turned the knob to start the flow of gas. Frederickson took a couple breaths and then started coughing. The trainer was somewhat startled by this, but he told him, “Easy. Just try to breathe normally.”

After a couple more breaths Frederickson’s eyes began to gleam with a new light. He somehow felt exhilarated and relaxed at the same time. The crowd noise began to grow distorted, but he didn’t care. His lips parted into a stupid grin and as he continued to inhale the gas he became more euphoric. The trainer’s confusion turned to anxiety as he watched the QB’s eyes glaze over. It seemed like the player was having trouble sitting upright. Suddenly he started laughing. As the giggle grew into a guffaw, several of the players and coaches turned to stare. One of them, not sure how to react, jokingly asked, “Did you give him weed or something?!”

The trainer turned off the tank. He started to remove the mask, but Frederickson weakly grabbed his wrist and told him, “Just a little more.” The trainer ignored him and pulled free from his grip to remove the mask. Frederickson stared at him for a moment as if wanting to say something, but then he lay down on the bench and continued to chortle. The trainer looked at the tank and noticed a chip of green paint was missing, revealing blue underneath. Suddenly realizing what may be going on he used his thumbnail to scrape off more of the thin green paint, revealing more blue and confirming his suspicions.

“What’s going on?!” asked a coach.

“This is a tank of nitrous oxide doctored to look like an oxygen tank!” Finding the “OXYGEN” label to be pasted on, he ripped off as much of it as he could in disgust. “He’s high on laughing gas right now!”

“WHAT!? How in blazes did that happen!?”

“I’ll be dipped if I know!” He looked at Frederickson, who was resting in a semi-conscious state, and wondered how this could have happened.

''So, yeah. That happened. I got one response. Referring to the author's note, the critic told me that "stupid" was the word I was looking for. I laughed, said I could understand his reaction, and noted that I was surprised it was still on the site. Within a day or two it was deleted. If you do decide to riff it eventually, I hope you can create a good one. By the way, out of curiosity, did you see my comment on this blog?'' http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Dorkpool/The_Strange_Case_of_Ivy_Pepper Raidra (talk) 16:59, September 15, 2015 (UTC)


 * I understand the anticlimactic label. It really does end abruptly.  My hobby is making my own comic books, and I've decided that if I ever adapt this into comic book form, it'll be one part of a longer mystery narrative.  I appreciate the nice things you had to say about it.  I'm cool with whatever you choose to do.  Just send me the link when/if you do something. Raidra (talk) 23:07, September 17, 2015 (UTC)

Yep on both counts! Here are some excerpts I posted for another member interested in seeing a little of my work. My comics are full of odd characters such as superheroes, space aliens, and half-human, half-animal hybrids. Sometimes they're deadly serious (I had an issue about heroin addiction, for example) and other times they're funny and bizarre (I have a character who's a superpowered Teletubby). I also plan to introduce a character named "Better Days Aside" after a misheard lyric, or mondegreen, of "Bette Davis Eyes", meaning that I've come up with a better name than Ivy Pepper.

I somehow botched posting the pictures earlier. I apologize for the inconvenience. The first three are from SLJ#81 (I've been doing this for a long time!). As you can see, one of the characters, The Flying Fox, is a rip-off of Batman. The issue he's discussing with the bat man pastor is seeking counseling for post-traumatic stress disorder. It irritates me how so many comics, TV shows, etc. have the heroes endure extremely traumatic events, and be unaffected (Don't you think people who endured some of these things would be affected somehow?). He has this thing, but he isn't letting it beat him.

File:SLJ-81-1.jpg

File:SLJ-81-2.jpg

File:SLJ-81-3.jpg

The next two are from SLJ#88. A man was transformed into a powerful monster after being exposed to the radiation of a strange meteorite, and it's up to the Super League of Justice to save him.

File:SLJ-88-1.jpg

File:SLJ-88-2.jpg

The next three are from The Afrit, my first graphic novel. It concerns a soldier who starts to go insane and imagines an afrit (a powerful and evil jinni) tormenting him each night. There's ultimately a happy ending, but things certainly get intense and unsettling before then.

File:Afrit_1.jpg

File:Afrit_2.jpg

File:Afrit_3.jpg

I had one that poked fun at an unwritten rule of comic books, but apparently it's been deleted. It had a character noting, "Aw, man. I hate being the first nameless innocent focused on in a comic! I know I'll fall prey to whatever weird plot the villain has come up with!" Raidra (talk) 14:29, September 18, 2015 (UTC)

I Miss You!
Hey buddy, what's up? It's been a long time since we talked. As for me, I've been chugging right along in my pasta and I'm currently working on chapter 11. Yup that's right! The pasta has more than 10 chapters though most of the chapters are short.

I've been waiting awhile for a new riff. I'm not trying to rush you but it's now October and I'm really excited because its the month of spoopy scary skeletons!

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   15:21, October 2, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "New Riff" message
Oh thank god! For a second there, I was going crazy thinking that you were kidnapped by robotic kangaroos!

I can't believe how far I'm getting in my pasta. I'm doing everything I can to ensure that this will be the pasta to help shine new light on the lost episode genre. People would be like "OMFG! Bes pasta! Bes pasta 100/50!" And/or "This is it! This is the pasta to save all lost episode pastas! Thank you Hailey!" But then again, I'll look to see if it would need tinkering once I submit it to spinoff appeal.

The shadow appears in chapter 11 with even more detail. The next time it appears, I want it to have a coloured tint. From what I seen, samurai armor is usually red. But is the colour red clichéd? If so, I might go with the blue tinting. The tint is not blood by the way.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   15:18, October 5, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "ENTHUSIASM!!!!" Message
Lol thanks for the compliments! It's great to know my enthusiasm is rubbing off.

As for the colour red, I have seen some samurai armor that's blue so maybe I shall use blue (and possibly grey) for the colour of the tinting. Speaking of red, why is it used in pastas frequently? Like you always see things such as "OMFG day hyperrealistc blood was so fuckin red, my blood became black!" Or "The colour of Satan's urine is red! We all have devil urine as our blood! Haip Mr. Potato Head!" And nay we forget "The main character in Pokemon RED and Blue is named RED!!! DAT MUST MEAN HE'S PART OF DA INFERNO DANTE WAS WRITING ABOUT!!! (GASP)".

Speaking Pokemon, I used to think Pallet was a name of a colour since all the other towns and cities were named after colours.

You know, a lot of Pokepastas focus on Lavander Town. You know what I want to see? Poke theory pastas answering these questions:

1. Why is Erika so sleepy all the time?

2. How did Sabrina get her psychic powers?

3. Is LT. Surge a dimension jumper?

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   14:28, October 6, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Out of Steam" message
Maybe for the new cliches, people will include "I used to be a normal type Pokemon. Then everything changed when Game Freak and Nintendo made me a Fairy type."

Yeah, I understand the frustration of running out of steam when it comes to writing certain types of jokes. Only one person can make so many jokes about how blood is only scary during PMS.

Anyway, I got the first part of chapter 12 done. If you would like to read the first part of this chapter but haven't read chapter 11, I will send both of them to you as soon as I can.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   14:39, October 7, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Gotta Have Those Links" message
Sure buddy! Here you go: http://pastebin.com/c8t33kRa

I can't wait for the new riff! Don't worry, I won't rush you. Take your time.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   15:53, October 8, 2015 (UTC)

critiques
Not sure if youre still interested in the critiques, but I made a place for them on this site. http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Alstinson/Critiques_returning Make like smile dog and spread the word.

Hey!
What's new on the CheeseDoodle, mate?

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   05:32, October 25, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Cold" message
I'm doing fine. I finished chapter 12 and I'm now on chapter 13. Here's the beginning of it:

" Chapter 13

After that scene played out, I noticed that my room became dimmer. I turned around to see that the sun was starting to set as it turned my room orange. While this seemed beautiful to look at, it made my head throb and I quickly shut the blinds."

After that, I want the protagonist to explain that she closed the windows and blinds because she fears people looking in her window at night and even during sunset, she's nervous enough to close them. Here are two possible candidates for that:

"That's not the only reason I closed the blinds and windows. You see, when I was about 9 or 10 years old, my mom would tell me to close my windows and blinds at night so that way, people would be less inclined to look into my window or break in or something like that. Ever since then, I have NEVER left my windows and blinds open at night. Even during sunset, I still closed them anyway."

"That's not the only reason why I closed the windows and blinds. When I was around 7 years old, I stayed up and watched horror movies with my brother. The movie we were watching was one of the Halloween movies. I was only a bit scared but that was because my brother kept me from outright panicking. However, there was one scene that I just couldn't handle. It was a scene where Micheal Myers was looking into a window of another character's house. Maybe it was because I was sitting next to a window that had the blinds open but all I remember after that was breathing rapidly and shaking. I also cried a bit as I hugged my brother."

If there's anything I should change, let me know.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   14:01, October 30, 2015 (UTC)

New Tobit Story
Hey,

New Tobit story posted, check it out please: Tobit: The Lady and the Maiden of Knowledge.

K. Banning Kellum (talk) 02:44, November 23, 2015 (UTC)

Review?
If you have time. Not sure if you read it during the contest, but I'm still trying to get feedback on it and you do a solid job.

Jeff the Killer Redux

Shadowswimmer77 (talk) 18:06, December 8, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks so much!
I responded addressing your comments, but really appreciate the time and effort. Shadowswimmer77 (talk) 18:48, December 10, 2015 (UTC)

Ancient Riff Uncovered by Scientists!
So while searching on this wiki, I found a riff of mine that was partially completed. It was the one on the original concept for Good Luck Charlie. I wanted to finish the riff but unfortunately, the story has been removed from this wiki. If I'm unable to find the full story on another site, I'll just release what I have completed.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   04:00, December 11, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "How do you do that?" Message
I usually take the full story and comment as I go. I will also post the riff to my blog, the same place where I post my Haunting Hour Reviews though I'm thinking of creating a WordPress account for my riffs. I might call it "Azu's Riffing Corner" or something like that.

Speaking of Haunting Hour Reviews, I'm currently working on one right now. I'll give you a bit of information on the episode. It features the grim reaper.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   17:15, December 11, 2015 (UTC)

What I Have so far!
So I started my own LiveJournal page for riffs.

Here's what I have so far:

Azumanga Riffs #1.5 - Original Good Luck Charlie Script

Hey there guys! It's Azu here and after a long while, I finally decided to get back into riffing stories though I can't guarantee that these riffs will be uploaded regularly. For those who are unfamiliar, riffs are basically where someone takes a story and comments on it every once in awhile. These comments can be jokes or pointing out strengths or weaknesses with the story. I originally starting riffing stories on the blog section of the Creepypasta wiki. However, riffs became over saturated on there and the admins decided to blacklist riffs in order to solve the problem. In other words, you can no longer post riffs on the Creepypasta wiki and if you want to riff on a story, you'll have to upload it to another site like WordPress, Blogger, Deviantart, and other similar sites.

Anyway, the story I'm riffing on today is a lost episode pasta called "Original Good Luck Charlie Script". This riff was written a long time ago and I wanted to finish it but I recently discovered that the pasta has been removed from the wiki. Since I can't seem to find a full copy of the story right now, I just so you what I have so far.

This, sadly enough, is real.

Azu: Or is it?! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!

In 2010, Disney Channel came out with a show by the name of Good Luck Charlie. It became popular fast and is big with pre-teens and young children. It had very bland humor, but they seemed to like it.

(Narrator): Especially the episode with the lesbian couple!

But what you may not know is that the show was originally written with a much darker premise.

Azu: Because Plot!

It was 2006, and I had finished with my 3–4 years of college and received my major in Screenwriting/Television Production. I was very anxious to get my name out there so I could begin a hopefully lifelong career. I applied for jobs at places like Nickelodeon Studios, Orlando, and WGN, but I was rejected from several places.

(Narrator): Maybe I should stop sending them my Pokemon fanfiction.

A little while after that, I got a call.

(Narrator): The person on the other end was unfortunately Fran Drescher!

It was from Disney Channel Studios in Burbank, CA. They called and informed me that they had an internship opening if I was interested.

Azu: A protagonist as an intern in a Lost Episode pasta?! Woah man! This pasta's packing some originality!

I was upset that it was all they wanted me for, but I agreed, realizing it was an OK start. Hey, it could've been worse right? Nope. They hired me and I came out to Cali to start my new job.

(Narrator): Sadly, It took me four hours to get to my job. Damn you traffic!

I was the 3rd floor intern to the company's CEO, he was demanding but hardly around, so it was easier than I expected.

(Narrator): I breathed a sigh of relief knowing the CEO wasn't as hard to defeat as (Insert hardest video game boss here).

Sometime after I'd been hired, I heard that they had to start preparing new shows, due to the fact that Miley and the Suite Life kids were growing up and would soon stop being interested in doing children shows. They needed a backup plan to fall back on.

(Narrator): That plan would be to make a show about Deadpool fighting crime alongside his lazer shooting puppy!

Disney had called out some of the best producers to create Disney's next pointless television show. I was excited to hear this!

Azu: Nice shift of emotions there!

For a little while I thought this could be my big chance to prove myself as a writer. I wanted to make myself a name but I just didn't know how. So I gave it up and went back to my lowly internship.

Azu: You know, with lines like this, it's no wonder why the protagonist's determination makes them so likable!

In mid January of 2008, I was fetching coffee for my dictator of a boss when I noticed an open door with a do not disturb sign on it.

Azu: Ladies and Gents! It's time to play... What's The Next Scene?! So with the event described here, what do you think the protagonist will do next? Will they... A) Go into the room and get their ass handed to them by Spiderman? B) Have their soul sucked out by Adam Sandler's ghost? or C) Ignore the sign and enter anyway? If you answered "C"... Good for you!

There was a waiting room and then a main conference room, I stood in the waiting room listening quietly against the door.

(Narrator): I stood there uncomfortably as I listened to the sound of whales mating.

As it would turn out, it was a private meeting consisting of about 25 people. I wondered what they were there for so I continued to pay attention.

(Narrator): It seems as though they were reenacting that scene from Hot Fuzz where everyone says the line "The greater good!"

A stout women stood up and announced that the pitches would continue after a short recess. "So that was it, the writers had come to pitch the new sitcom!" I thought. But then I was screwed because I'd be caught. They began to exit the room one by one, I hid in the room's bathroom.

Azu: Room's bathroom? Hmm... Awkward wording or something more?

Well ladies and gentlemen, this as far as I have gotten in the riff. This is the part where I give my final thoughts on the story and say if it was overall good or bad or in between. However, because I only partially riffed on the story, I don't know if I can fairly judge the whole story. I will say this though.

This story doesn't seem to have a very good start since it basically takes things that have already been done a million times before in other lost episode pastas, such as being an intern at a media studio, and barely does anything new with it. Maybe it gets better in the second or third half but honestly, until I find the full version of story, I guess it will remain a mystery. Until next time ladies and gentlemen, this has been AzumangaDaiohFan signing out!

Note: I did this on an app called Fast Notepad and I usually double space in that program.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   19:38, December 11, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Ben Drowned Message
Sure! I'd be happy to take part. Which part shall I riff on though?

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   17:45, December 14, 2015 (UTC)

How Does One Make a Good Weebly Site?
Hey DP! How's it going? As for me, I started working on a Pokemon Fan fiction and the first episode is nearing completion. Don't worry! I'm still working on the Haunting Hour Pasta. Anyway, I want to create a site where I can post my fan fiction and I don't think Blogger or similar sites are going to cut it. I saw that your riffing site was made through Weebly and I really like the design of the site. Do you know how to get that particular design or is there someone else I should talk to? If it's the former, could you give me step by step instructions for creating the design? If it's the latter, do you know who created the site?

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   02:25, March 16, 2016 (UTC)

Reply to "How to Make the Site" message
Ok so I have set up my site and got some of the setup complete. The only question I have for now is how do I change the colour of my background? I currently have a white background and I wanted to change it to black so that way people's eyes aren't hurting while they read the fanfiction.

Heeere's Hailey!  Wanna Talk?   17:53, March 27, 2016 (UTC)

Up for a Collaboration?
Seeing as I have recently returned to reviewing and you have also made a riff, I figured I'd propose the question: Would you like to do another rifftique? I know in your current riffing format, you have three different characters, but I'm sure it can still work fine (similarly to when we reviewed that "League of Legends" pasta and you wrote for both Dorkpool and Mirror).

I happen to know of the atrocities of the "Roblox creepypasta Wikia" (yes, that is the punctuation for the title of their site), and I believe that there is plenty of material.

Or, if you would like something that is more familiar ground, why not throw in another [http://jtk.wikia.com/wiki/If_you_only_knew,_how_it_really_happened. "Jeff the Killer" story] or two?

Anyway, tell me what you think. AGrimAuxiliatrix1 (talk) 01:29, May 2, 2016 (UTC)