Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34085129-20180722201350/@comment-35711173-20180722214552

Hi,

Welcome to the Writer's Workshop. People here will help. Some very good authors will come through here. Listen to their advice carefully. It's often right. When more than one says the same thing then listen double hard.

You need to fix those paragraphs. I suggest that you read this blog entry to start:

https://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Fatal_Disease/How_to_Start_a_New_Paragraph_Or:_How_I_Learned_to_Not_Make_a_Wall-o-Text

That's not the only problem you have but it is the most critical. After you have broken your story into reasonably sized paragraphs, read this blog entry:

https://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:DrBobSmith/Basic_Spell_and_Grammar_Checking

The tools very quickly and conveniently spotted run-on sentences and comma overuse. One sentence was quite awkward. They also found a lot of vague and abstract "filler words." These tools are your friends and are invaluable in editing.

Less serious than the English composition errors is your use of buzzwords. I know all about tor but most people don't even know what an IP address is.

That sounds like a lot of stuff tossed on you at once but cooking good creepypasta takes time. You will use these skills in college.