Talk:Daddy's Little Princess/@comment-25941663-20160219171921

This was superbly written. It has been a while since I've read descriptive work as good as this. Especially on the details. And I loved the transitions in this. The use of the lyrics was a very good idea and worked great. I also enjoyed the ending a lot. I liked where you went with the story.

The pacing was a bit off though. Most of the time it was fast and "action-packed", but there were a couple of occassions where you broke that pattern. I'm all for experimenting in writing and it would have been great if you pulled it off, but something was missing. You were definitely close, but it needs some minor tweaking. I know this is nitpicking, but I had to let ya know.

My main problem with the story is the focus. Lars is a great villain, but we didn't see much of him. The story could have done with another touch of evil and creepy, and Lars could have provided that, but you didn't use him much. A couple of scenes of him interacting with the cult would elevate this story, in my opinion. I'm not talking big interactions, just him drinking coffee and rambling, or whatever.

I think that you focused almost entirely on Frank's hunt for his daughter and that didn't do the story justice. I feel like we didn't see much of the cult, or character development.

All in all, this was a great, original read and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Well done.