Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5267460-20140922093101

So I am an aspiring author and was in the mood for writing horror, and in about an hour I wrote up a story I would like to share with you. I, for the life of me, can't tell why it was deleted, so I just copy pasted it here:

Oh, the things I do for my Love...

"Police Reports are flooding from every station in the Tri County Area about these bizzare killings." I heard the TV utter. "The victims have all been mutilated and bled profusely while alive, according to forensic reports." I smiled, for my wife was smiling, my master was smiling... At my fair work... "But all have one thing in common: Their brains have slowly been removed. Some died from the pain of being Lobotomized alive, others from the loss of central nervous receptors..."

My wife remarked that the one on screen was the tastiest. Oh, the things I do for my love...

I was walking down the dimly lit, dreary, eerie, and depressing highway. I was yearning for a piece of myself that I had yet to find, a lover, my other... later, I would find her... As I walked past the rusted garbage can, I decided I would go and mope at that spot in the middle of nowhere... and wish upon a star for my lover to hurry my way. Indeed, as I sat down on the wet, smelly grass, a star I wished upon... "Please, I would do anything for a girlfriend, oh shining star!" And let me tell you, the things I would do for my love. Oh the beautiful things...

At that point, I saw a woman lying face down in the grass, with a sickly pale look. I was half concerned, half aroused, and all thinking- Has my wish been granted, Oh benevolent star?

She woke with a slow start. Looked at me hungrily, as if to devour me. Then, she stared in awe. "Such beauty, I cannot swallow." She said. And fuck anyone who didn't say I was pretty, man and woman alike! "So effeminete yet masculine at the same time... I have found an Incubus." Later, I would know I found my Succubus. The acts my hands would commit, the art I would draw on fleshy canvases... all for love...

I felt something inside of me say "I must aid her, for she needs help." Even though she made no such indication."What is it

you need?"

"I feel a bit hungry after the long trip I've made... feeling tired and drained... so could you be a pal..."

"And bring me some brains?"

I could not refute such a damsel so fair, a wish so granted... so I thought about who to take to her to be feed... that dumbfuck next door... never uses HIS brain... just drowns in beer and sits watching TV... So I stalked him when he went to the Food Lion to get beer that night... and when he reached his house and went to sleep... I hit his fatass with a beer bottle, gagged him, and carried him to the fields... She built a shack there, of strange black rock... and we placed him in a chair, where she tied him down... "Watch my work, sweet Incubus..." She pulled out a drill. And as it neared his cranium, he was too fucking drunk to even make a squeak... So his skin splashed everywhere, followed by his bones... she took out a razor, and started to saw open his skull... eventually she opened it like it was the top of a jar... and she saw her meal before her... I saw my love for her... Oh the things I do for my love...

She was hungry again, the morning next... she was starving, dieing, and I would not lose her... Mr. Howard next door, that old miser... Probably hasn't had a single thought since 1979. His brain, the definition of atrophy... He has no use for it anyway... My skin was somewhat pale, so I used this to my advantage. I "fainted" in front of him, and that dumbass, it took him a few seconds to even notice. When he came over, a tazer I used on him, and I carried him off to the shack...

He screamed the whole time, as his blood splattered the walls... we sew him shut he got so annoying... When she took out his brain, she forgot to sever it from his corneas, so his eyes came out still attached... they were like sweet dumplings, let me tell you... Oh the things I do for my love... Her skin was now a pure white color, and I was a bit alarmed, but she explained to me that was her natural skin color... truth be told, my skin was getting a bit pale...

We went through meal after meal... That adulturous woman nextdoor, she followed me for "A good time"... for us, not her, of course I neglected to mention... her child... the queer trucker next door, thought he would rape my "Pansy Ass"... I unfortunately had to make a bit of a scene fighting him, but I carried him off the next day... but our best meal was the one from the development department... That's when we first kissed... As we sawed him open, keep in mind he was still alive, she stuck out her beautiful tounge... which had a mouth of it's own... and I french kissed that mouth on her tounge... it bit my tounge clean off, but a very special thing happened... because my tounge grew back... I noticed right then that I was very, very pale... and so was she... Then we cut into his back, deep enough to sever his spine...

"Forever together, the Succubus and her Incubus", circling it with a heart struck by Cupid. Oh, the things I do for my love...

I became a prostitute in order to get our meals. She needs to live, after all. Some woman came to me, some men... both genders really liked me... But even though we had a good time, they didn't... Each time we found a fun new way to play with our food... one man we dangled the key to his bonds in front of him, one man we simply cut love letters into his flesh, other times we ripped their heads off to see which one of us two could rip it off fastest... My favorite was the one I drew doodles in... the screaming I heard was so delightful... Oh, the things I do for my love...

Opinions are welcome, tell me what you would do to make it better. 