Talk:The Mind of Innocence/@comment-10950063-20131110182357

There's a lot of stuff you need to work on:

1. LEARN HOW TO USE PUNCTUATION- You're not using it right. In dialogue, the comma goes inside of the quotes. You only need a comma if the dialogue doesn't end with an exclamation point ( ! ) or question mark ( ? ) and if the sentence is followed by something like: he said.

So: "Let's go," Mark said.

Mark said, "Let's go."

There were a lot of other issues with punctuation, but that was the main one.

2. PROOF READ- I couldn't catch all the mistakes you made because there was way too many. There was a ton of spelling mistakes, even with the character's names.

3. Paragraphs- This thing was a wall of text. You can't do that. It makes your story unreadable. You need to start a new paragraph whenever there's a new speaker. Especially because you don't like to say who is speaking which makes it confusing.

And there's other issues too. Weird stuff like "noticed that his parents were shocked to see that a new town was being built near them." That makes no sense. All the stuff at the end, where it's a story inside of a story and the old man. That really doesn't do it for me, it just overly explains things. Also, your moral doesn't really have anything to do with the rest of the story.

It's really weak. You need to work on your mechanics and story-telling ability a lot. Don't be discouraged, though. These are just things you need to hear or you'll keep making the same mistakes.