Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475800-20160621031515/@comment-26326346-20160622220632

This is a great and enjoyable story. I found all the characters (with the exception of Dennis) to be fairly despicable, but likable. The ending gave me a vibe that many of the old sci-fi movies did when the ended, which I appreciate. I feel like the only thing that can hold you and this story back is all of the spelling errors which are so numerous that this story wouldn't meet the Quality Standards. So, let's get those sorted out :D

Firstly, you switched between Racheal and Rachael a few times, this should be the same all the way through. I recommend

sticking with Racheal as you'll have less to correct and it looks more unique.

Here's a list of some changes you need to make:

She like Raoul, he was a good looking man that could make her laugh easily. -Change "like" to "liked"

I mean, I’m fine with it if that’s you wanna role, but I think we should get to know each other a little better first. -Add "how" between "that's" and "you"

It’s some kind of animal that wash ashore. -Change "wash" to "washed"

Knowing them, they well show up with a group of people each and a couple of kegs -Change "well" to "Will"

So, it’s fine if you come in latter tomorrow. -Change "latter" to "later"

She called to the back to the bank she climbed over and another three people came walking over the hill. -Change the "to" after back to "of"

To of there were carrying coolers, the other had a flashlight. -Change "to" to "two" and "there" to "them"

It was wide, but compared to the girth of the thing, it didn’t see so big. -Change "see" to "seem"

If it wasn’t a whale, it’s surly dead now. -Change "surly" to "surely"

And it was great, he wasn’t too genital, but not rough either. -Change "genital" to "gentle" --Editor's Note: Not going to lie, I sort of want you to leave that alone XD

He decided that it was best to stay, he had no idea when anyone else would show up, he could call them, but if he would feel bad if he woke them up. -Change the comma after stay to a period. Capitalize the "he" after stay. Remove the "if" between "but" and "he"

As he walked thought the lab, he was thinking about whether or not he should have just stayed home. -Change "thought" to "through"

so he would stay for an hour or so, then leave if no one else arrived, he would go home again. -Remove "he would go home again" as it is repetitious as you already state that he was going to leave and one would naturally assume that he would head back home.

Well, Amber was holding him and he was sound asleep as she whispered sweet things into her ear. -Change "her" to "his"

Amber, although young and newest staff member at the aquarium, she didn’t like to look foolish. -Add "the" between "and" and "newsest"

Amber was radiant that glow when someone feels like they are loved, -Add "with" between "radiant" and "that".

The eat their breakfast, got cleaned and ready for the day, and Raoul started to call his underlings to tell them it was now time to head over to the lab -Change "The" to "They" and "eat" to "ate"

“Bastard’s probably hung too hung over to answer his phone.” -Remove the "hung" bewteen "probably" and "too"

we all know what our focus is going to be one today, let’s try not to get too carried away. -Remove "one"

If it turns out to be something besides a whale, we would like to keep it in tact so we can identify it. -Remove the space between "in" and "tact"

I would be great if we found a new species, so let’s keep our fingers crossed.” -Change "I" to "It" --Editor's Note: I find it weird that they thought that it was without a doubt a whale carcass earlier, but are now considering that it could be something different entirely.

It was like he was walking through a dream, he could tell there were thing in front of him, but he didn’t know what they were. -Change the entire sentence to: It was like he was walking through a dream. He could tell there was something in there with him, but he didn't know what it was, nor did he care.

After a few deep breaths she started dialing 911, but she stopped after the first number. -Change "few" to "couple" and add "more" between "couple" and "deep", because this sentence starts the exact same as the last.

There was definitely a reason why she was scare of going to jail, even though she hadn’t done anything wrong, but she wasn’t sure why she was so worried about it. -Change "scare" to "scared"

Racheal looked at Amber, his distaste visible. -Change "his" to "her"

Johnny looked over, his eyes wide, but when he saw the two women, and only the two women, he went took his eyes from them. -Remove "went" and add "away" between "eyes" and "from"

In reality, she was trying to figured out what she had been hearing, it was all too confusing -Change "figured" to "figure"

about as think as a steak knife and as sharp as sharp as a sharks. -Change "think" to "thick" and remove either instance of "as sharp"

Johnny Tried to stop running, but because he was going full speed, -Lowercase "Tried"

but the wall the hid half of his body was made of long interlocking teeth, -Change the "the" between wall and hid to "that"

Everything seemed to be go so well between them, -Change "go" to "going"

but slowly her surrounds were starting to make sense again. -Change "surrounds" to "surroundings"

Racheal was able to keep her composer a little better than Amber. -Change "composer" to "composure"

The drops that landed on Johnny burned into his skin, froze his close and gave him an idea. -Change "close" to "clothes"

So, instead of trying to get him to hid with them -Change "hid" to "hide"

It when into his collar bone next to his neck, and came out through his chest. -Change "when" to "went"

Johnny screamed as the wing lifted him off his feet, high into the air. --Editor's Note: I don't think he'd be able to scream if something tore through his collar bone that close to his neck, but I may be mistaken. You might consider changing "screamed" to "gurgled"

“Fuck you,” Racheal said as she hefted and office over her head and slammed it down on the ice covered blobster. -Change "and office" to "a cannister"

They ran to the police, and they police heard the inhuman squeal. -Change the sentence to "They ran to the police as they all heard an inhuman squeal" because everyone their would have heard it.

The billets ripped through the eyes and flesh of the monster, leaving grapefruit sized exit wounds -Change "billets" to "bullets"

and it was a few minutes after they last shot was fired that the squeal had stopped. -Change "minutes" to "seconds" and "they" to "the". The change from minutes is appropriate because I'm pretty sure they would have kept firing upon hearing the squeal for more minutes.

As the corener was processing the dead bodies that were recovered from the scene, -Change "corener" to "coroner"

Again, great story. Please get all of the grammatical errors sorted and get an opinion from another person, so that they all get wiped up. I really would like to see this pasta meet the QS and get to stay on the website :) Good work!