User blog comment:Underscorre/Jeff the Killer Rewrite Contest!/@comment-26456758-20151031060558

I almost forgot I ever wanted to enter this contest, so I only had about two days to complete this. Hopefully I didn't make too many mistakes, I didn't have much time to proofread. And hopefully I didn't go too far from the original. I wanted to write something different than what I'd expect anyone else would write.

Anyways, here's my attempt at a miracle.

http://pastebin.com/Njv9yf2w