Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25114042-20140703060837/@comment-25114042-20140705195039

Sykokillah wrote:

These changes actually made the story way better. But there's still some problems, mostly grammatical.

Every time you capitalise an entire word in a sentence, it makes me wanna bash my head. Use italics instead.

Also, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ASSHOLE."

It should be, "Don't tell me what to do, asshole!"

Also, how can everyone see what Jeremy is doing? Shouldn't he be the only one, as you were locked in a bathroom stall, and he was the only on to crawl inside.

Unless I know nothing about bathroom stalls, they aren't see-through.

You spelled mucus wrong and you don't even need to use it, just keep the tears.

Every time a character says something, you have to start a new paragraph, rules of grammar.

The ending was pretty boring and bland. Readers will look at the ending and be like, 'Well, that was pointless." This isn't a story, it's one event.

Also, what about the mother's blood thingy?

If you kept that mother part short and in third person, it might become a popular urban legend but that's not likely so include it in this. Lol, This is only the first half of the story that I started editing, and i didn't want to save it into our family computer, so I just thought I'd put it here. XD It's nowhere near finished. I didn't think anyone would see it. But thanks for commenting about the CAPS issue. I'll definitely change it.