Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25095856-20140701141149/@comment-24918243-20140701160245

Suggestions:

Lose the "Hello" at the start of the story. I does not add anything to the story, except make it sound amaturish.

Don't use brackets, brackets are for mathematical formulas, not stories. Try to refrase your sentences without them.

"  I knew that every ten days three people disappeared after they went to the cemetery together." This line completely breaks any creadability your story could have. First off, it's a set number of people disapearing at regular intervals. If that were happening, I'm sure the police would be looking into it. Not only that, if everyone knew this was happening, they would be pretty stupid to go there in the first place.

Other then that, what Wave said. The story is very badly rushed, and sorry to say, not all that interesting.