Talk:Heretics/@comment-28266772-20190105233354

General Quality – There are some weird quirks to this story.

There’s the dialogue that feels slightly off leading to flat characterisation (“I suppose there's no point in concealing what I know from you”, “I'm saying it's more plausible than I'd like to admit, for the reasons you've said.” – people are usually more economical in how they speak ).

The transitions from place to place (A few days later, at a secluded farm house in Derry.  – there are better ways to tellus this).

The overall backstory (is it necessary for him to be American?).

The strange presentation/structure (the narrative is essentially two conversations).

All of these things make it harder to click with this story than it should. There’s sufficient tension and the story subject is genuinely interesting but this story would have benefited from being more focused on an actual events. I think you nailed the overall story choice and you come up with some interesting details but they never really come to anything. 5/10

Horror factor – There’s not a lot of horror here outside of the implied moral failing and decay of the characters. I understand that’s intentional, but obviously it means that as a horror story it suffers. 3/10

Deus Vult – this isn’t an obvious choice given the theme but it’s clever and I liked that you played it straight. It’s a smart application of the Christianity theme and explores it in interesting ways. 9/10

Entertainment Value – the story’s got an interesting idea at the core and it’s interesting enough to see play out. Like I said everything comes together in a way that feels a bit flat, but the bold choice still works out and the story is a fun read. 7/10

Overall, 6/10. Good idea, some interesting world-building and characterisation, but it’s let down by some odd choices in structure and plot.