Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9584883-20141218151039/@comment-25170312-20141218194347

I thought this was great. I wasn't sure what was going to happen after the initial character development, but when it got to the 'scarypasta' part I actually smiled. It could have been a red flag, but it fits nicely with the slightly cheeky noir style. I assume you are a fan of Sin City, because that's what it reminds me of. Though, I felt that style kind of faded a little as I kept reading, which was slightly disappointing.

There's one thing that I thought was possibly worth changing. In the first part it says "the slight aroma of misery" and in the last part it says "the air was so thick with misery". In my personal opinion, it's not a good idea to repeat that type of metaphor unless there's a specific reason. It seems repetitive. I'll admit, I've been known to nitpick.