Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25910425-20141230174935/@comment-24881871-20141230181931

The beginning of the pasta, though uneventful, shows promise. You can paint images with words, something few people are able to do. But that's about all you did. The plot is very weak. Yes, the mist messed with the protagonist's mind, but clowns? Really? Of all the terrifying and horrific things buried deep in the human psyche, you choose a fear of clowns? It's a sad thing when a story with a good premise is thrown away with a lazy ending.

Your spelling and grammar could use some work. Throughout the pasta you use the word "Its" instead of "It's." The former is possessive; the latter is a contraction. So when you say "Its a bit rusty," you're saying something more along the lines of "some item belonging to it is rusty" instead of "it is rusty." You also need to avoid comma splices and use a full stop when you finish a thought.

Overall, this is a decent story gone bad. If I were you, I'd rewrite the ending. I can almost guarantee you it would fail the deletion appeal if it were submitted in its current state.