Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25930029-20150107115747/@comment-25148755-20150107172553

Knowing that this is the last thing the character's said before killing themselves isn't scary in and of itself. There definitely needs to be more. Doesn't need to be totally spelled out; I'm all for leaving some things open to the reader's interpretation. But there's no sense of dread. If you don't say "these people committed suicide after this conversation" in the opening line, there's nothing at all to what they say that makes the hair raise on the back of my neck.

Also, having Jamie agree to come over to "end it in person" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Did Ryan kill her? Or did they both commit suicide like it says in the first line?