Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25975226-20150502083334/@comment-6548012-20150512120823

The wording here is really good. Though it's just kinda gross. And in absolutely no way scary, or even remotely creepy. Which is still the base principle of  "creepy pasta". Also, I was pretty enthusiastic when I read the first lines, then "all of the muscles in his eye". That couldn't have been worse, gotta admit. When you're talking of a single eye for several paragraphs, I advise to learn the anatomy of an eye, it makes the thing readable. Oh, and even if its just an expression, it's not acceptable in such a pasta. It has a lot of potential, so has a first draft, I'd say it's pretty good. If we don't count the fact that it's not creepy at all.