Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26319427-20150416235733/@comment-24101790-20150417000009

Your story had quite a lot of wording issues: "I have been a closest (closeted) one for years...", " It was weird, there had been people around all day and for the hotel to be empty was just weird (redundancy, odd/strange) to me.", "I almost screamed out to stop what was going on when I saw this black cat with red spots brought (bring) out a couple of what looked...", "husky, came to (too) close during her dance.", "As the husky mistakenly moved in front of a (an) upwards arc...", "I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to me so I did the first thing I could think of I ran into (to/for) the stairs.", "So to the back I ran, that was probably a mistake to (too)...", etc.

Capitalization issues: "Bears, Dogs (dogs), Cats (cats), Dragons (dragons) everything it was so cool." Unless a specific species, animals do not need to be capitalized. "Then it got weird, late Friday night I couldn’t sleep after the Dance (dance) and around four in the morning (, I) decided to go out and walk around the hotel." You also shift between capitalizing Husky and leaving it uncapitalized.

Punctuation issues: commas missing where a pause in flow is indicated. "The feeling of the place was off too it kind of felt darker.", "After a while of walking around aimlessly I decided to go outside and smoke,(.) when (When) I came back in it was like the whole hotel was active from the sounds of things.", "As I picked it up and turned the head to me it had weight to it more than I would have guess (guessed) a suit head would, that and it was still dripping that yellow liquid.", "I reached the bottom of the escalator(./;) I felt something grab my shoulders and drag me off of it." etc.

Story issues: the cyclical nature of the story really doesn't work here. How is he repeating this event and why? (Especially since the last line before the reset is this: "Want to see your soul come out?” which seems to more imply murder than anything. The story also feels a bit rushed with a lot of actions happening in sequence without description/the protagonist's emotional state to break it up some. Additionally there should be more build-up explanation here. What are the fur-suiters' intentions? How exactly are they transforming people and why? I hope that explains some of the issues I found with wording, punctuation, capitalization, and plot.