Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26812100-20160126040619/@comment-24101790-20160126041446

I'm sorry but the lack of detail/description (little to no description), build-up (no real tension/suspense in the story), or characterization (no real character development or building an atmosphere)really resulted in a story that needs a lot of work to salvage.

Awkward wording/tense issues: "he cheated and he have the reason to be afraid,". "The stomping sounds (sounded) more like someone has (had) picked up a stone and drop (dropped) it repeatedly and Xing can (could) only wait till the sun rise (rose)." Redundancy issues: "Xing's girlfriend committed suicide by jumping off a building as the person who commit suicide in such fashion (awkward wording additionally)"

The twist additionally needs a lot more explanation/research done into mythology as it feels glossed over. "He was shocked to find that Xing's girlfriend committed suicide by jumping off a building as the person who commit suicide in such fashion (awkward wording) are doomed to move or rather hop upside down in the afterlife." All in all, this story needs a lot of work. If it were uploaded as it currently, I would likely delete it.