Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26120500-20150218001932

i have wanted to post a story here for ages but im not sure if it is any good ;-; can people tell me what they think and how i can improve. thanks. (probs alot of typos so if you find any can you please correct me)

Hi, my name is Darian. im 25 years old. you are proberly wondering what im doing writing this, well when i was 16 my friend Taylor was murdered i managed to escape but it still haunts me when i think about the thing that caused it. i have seen the thing that done this pop up a little around the internet so i thought i should share my story and hopefully prevent others from suffering the same fate and Taylor did and i nearly did.

it was 2007 ,Taylor had been looking into this local urban legand bright eyes. i got a call from Taylor at about 11ish at night one sunday he told me to come to his house right away, i didn't ask why as it sounded important. i got there and he dragged me up to his room, i asked him what happened but he said nothing and pointed to an email on the screen of his laptop. i read it and was horrified it said 'you know to much taylor' my eyes widened while reading it and the email was signed 'B.E' i asked Taylor who B.E was 'bright eyes' he said i laughed at that how would something that didn't exist send him an email 'Tay this is probably someone playing a joke' he sighed and sat on the bed 'who is bright eyes anyway' he explained everything to me and to say i was shocked was an understatement 'that couldn't of been him sending the email though right?' just as i said that another email came through. Taylor got up and opened it he gasped 'what is it' i asked him he looked at me and read  'your friend there is pretty, shame she knows to much' my jaw hit the floor 'Im so sorry' taylor was in tears ' i got you dragged into this' i hugged him and told him it was okay that we would fight this together. after i said that the power went off i was convinsed that someone was playing tricks on us now, that was like evry horror movie ever 'wow' i sighed  'someone is messing with us' i said but taylor looked terrified ' c'mon lets go sort this out' we walked down the stairs and saw something move outside the living room window, taylor stood infront of me and opened the door peeking round the corner 'is anything there' when he didn't reply i shoved him out and stepped out after him ' whats up with you' i turned and looked over at the window and froze there was someone there. the colour drained from my face when i saw the shine of metal 'what the f-' Taylor grabbed my hand and took off running. 'Tay who was that' he glanced behing him then ran a bit faster 'we know to much' i felt like crying, was that thing real? i looked behind us and my thoughts were confirmed. we were being chased by a man he didnt look much older than us i couldn't see his face but i could see the axe he was dragging behind him 'tay what do we do' i clung to him like my life depended on it 'keep running and dont let go' he tightened his grip on me and we ran into a forest 'why here!' i almost screamed at Taylor ' this is the worst place to go' he sped up again 'just keep running we can confuse him' i glanced behind us again 'okay' i started to slow down due to lack of breath 'Darian come on' i started coughing 'Darian please hurry' i looked back again and saw the man was closer than before, i tried to run but i couldn't run fast enough 'Darain look out' i felt Taylor shove me to the side and i hit the floor with a thud. i sat up clutching my head but forgot about that completely 'Taylor!' the man was hovering above him and i could see his face clearly now he had brown shaggy hair and was sickly pale, he had a piercing in his nose like that of a bull and part of his right cheek was missing exposing his teeth and gumbs, i shuddered and backed away slightly. i watched him rase the axe 'no please!' a low and scratchy laugh was pouring from the man. THWAK I screamed looking at the blood that had covered me 'tay' i sobbed looking at the mutalated corpse infront of me, i heard the man laughing again 'you sick basterd' he turned and stalked towards me a psychotic grin plastered to his face 'look on the bright side' i gasped it was him. He looked at me and i froze, his eyes were white, pure white. i tried to stand but i couldnt move he laughed again 'pathetic' he growled at me tears pricked my eyes 'im sorry tay' i swung my leg into the mans groin and he fell to the floor clearly hurt. i took off running faster than i ever had before not even looking behind me, hot tears streamed down my cheeks as i ran out of the forest 'tay im so sorry' i felt terrible for leaving his courpse laying there but i had to escape he would of wanted me to. i glanced back and sighed i was alive and safe.

Taylor's body was found early monday morning the police interviewd me but i said i didnt see the mans face, what would they had thought if i described an urban legand to them. I was given Taylor's laptop his mum said he would want me to have it, i smashed it until it was just a pile of broken glass and metal. i tried to erase the events of that night from my mind but i couldnt, i have moved since and i now attend a collage in london i have started a new life but i will never forget. Whatever you do or no matter how curious you get dont research bright eyes dont even try to find out things about him. why you ask? because you can never know to much. 