Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-40138781-20190714042733/@comment-35711173-20190714082302

ChillCoin,

NedWolfkin is right. It is difficult to read the text in bold font. I actually had to paste it into Notepad to read it.

Edit your story by hovering your mouse around the lower right corner of your story until the [Quote] and [More] option appears. Under [More] you can find Edit. Look for three single quotes together at the very beginning. Remove them. Check all the way at the end for three more. Remove them.

It's very difficult to say much about a story when there's so little of it here. I know this guy is afraid something is happening, but we have no idea what. We also have no idea when or where this is happening, who this is happening to, their age or gender, etc. It's very difficult to get emotionally involved with a protagonist when we don't know anything about them. You need to figure all of that out and you need to let us know enough of that by the time we read these paragraphs that we have a good feel for part of it. You can make that obvious. "My name is Charles Mason. I live in what is left of Moscow, Russia.  I may be the last living thing on Earth." It may be given with subtle clues. "The little light that the stars provide cast a dim glow over the onion domes of the Kremlin." "Today, I found the bodies of my wife and children. No one is here to comfort me now."

That said, you brought this partial story here. This is the right place to take it, where we can help you. There are some very good authors here.

English:

I've seen far, far worse. It's not perfect or even good enough to post on the main Wiki, but it is decent for a first draft here. As one of those utterly annoying people who correct English, here are some suggestions.


 * They succumbed to it, and I am surely to follow.

Try "sure to follow."


 * I cannot shake a feeling of helplessness from my body as I think about it as I speak.

There is something very confusing and awkward here. Try it without the underlined section.


 * Every fiber of my being, my soul, is fighting against time and the knowledge.

The knowledge of what? You need to say what knowledge it is. "and the knowledge that the Gestappo will take me at Midnight." You could get away with "and that knowledge" here.


 * My only glimmer of hope is that it will be better on the other side, if there is one.

The comma isn't necessary as the dependent clause can't stand as a sentence on its own.


 * Each second that passes by is a step closer to encountering it, and all I can do is dread it’s arrival.

It's means "it is." Its means posessive. "Give the dog its ball." You make the same mistake in two other places.