Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26021179-20150720060122/@comment-24101790-20150720121016

Your story was deleted (and your appeal was denied) for not being up to quality standards due to numerous punctuation, wording, capitalization, and story issues.

Punctuation issues: Anonymous #1: “It’s our job to make sure people are frightened, to make sure they hear that whirring sound or feel that unsettling sense of fear; we’re here to make this world that bit more interesting,”, "Anonymous #2: “Me and my partner... My partner and I, we only see what’s wrong, and aim to correct,”, Anonymous #2: “not (Not) entirely, no reason, no, no,”, etc. Multiple lines of dialogue that are standalone should end in conclusive punctuation (periods, exclamation points, question marks.) as there's no proceeding action after. Punctuation missing from dialogue altogether: "...a very smelly boy”

Punctuation issues cont.: punctuation missing before dialogue: "Mr. Hooper’s voice booms over the machinery(punctuation missing “You did this Trent, just shut the fuck up, God damn it you don’t want to be involved", "kick(punctuation missing) “I bet I can make him piss his 'pants (apostrophe needed as you aren't shortening the word),” Apostrophes missing from contractions and possessive words: " their kid(')s a little shit,", "sons school photos" (done twice),

Wording issues: Redundancy issues "It was late, too late for a child to be out, yet I heard the Hooper’s child ride past my lounge-room window; his pushbike squeaking with all the years of neglected repair. It was midnight on a Thursday, all too late for 13 year old schoolboy;" (too late is used too many times), "...causing me to release a fart, causing me to release..." (causing me to release) "the authority (authorities)", "neighbor who’s (whose) years", "Their deaths wear (were) confirmed" Capitalization: words improperly capitalized "My Bike...", "bike ‘Decaying (decaying)'", "“not (not) entirely,", etc.

Story issues: you shift perspectives without identifying the new perspective or including a break. This becomes difficult to follow as the audience is unsure of the story to begin with. How does this: "Anonymous #1: “It’s our job to make sure people are frightened, to make sure they hear that whirring sound or feel that unsettling sense of fear; we’re here to make this world that bit more interesting,” tie into the rest of the story? The ending "It’s sad to think I will never see the Hooper’s again, but I have a subtle notion that I will, perhaps in a dream." needs more build-up. Who is saying that line, and why will they be dreaming about that?