Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27838637-20160707143147/@comment-25569708-20160709063947

Another story that takes place in the treacherous terrain of Australia, huh Anar? I should have guessed. Before I get into this cool story, there are a few errors:

"“Shit!” He cried to himself" should be "“Shit!” he cried to himself"

"you’ve done me proud.” I said to the snake" should be "you’ve done me proud,” I said to the snake"

"It was a little before 6:00PM" should be "It was a little before 6:00pm" because you use lowercase "pm"s everywhere else in your story.

"as they proceed to beat the dog with a pair of branches that appear to be wrapped in barbed wire" should be "as they proceeded to beat the dog with a pair of branches that appeared to be wrapped in barbed wire"

"they two boys refused to let up" should be "the two boys refused to let up"

"until it’s beautiful golden fur" should be "until its beautiful golden fur"

"my own sick mind had not even though possible" should be "my own sick mind had not even thought possible"

And "I don’t know why they done it" should be "I don’t know why they had done it" or "I don’t know why they did it"

Other things that aren't necessarily errors:

"I find it polarizing to see the slow, painful death of somebody from the hand of nature". Not sure what you mean by "polarizing" here, as that means "To divide into two conflicting or opposing groups" and that doesn't really fit with what Mr. Venom is saying here about killing people with animals. Maybe I am missing something here.

"its venom is not as fast acting". I would put a hyphen between "fast" and "acting".

"They didn’t stop there, pulling out a knife, they began to skin the animal". The comma after "there" could probably be a semicolon.

Okay, story time. I should say that I was pulled in from the minute the protag mentioned he was there to kill two people (I'm a sucker for assassination stories). The pacing throughout was good (Although a little quick), and the whole thing flowed very well. The description you used throughout was fine; you paint a good visual picture while not wasting time. The kills weren't done in a exploitative, cheesy way, so good job on that front as well. I found it very interesting that the killer used poisonous animals to murder his victims; it helped make your story more original and had me wondering what the kills would be like and how he would execute them (no pun intended).

I originally thought that the protag was a hired assassin, so when he referred to himself as a "serial killer" I was actually a bit taken aback. During the second half of the story I kept wondering just why he was doing all this, and the ending both did and didn't clear that up. When he was standing over the dead animal pile and thought "I don’t know why they done it. I don’t know how they brought themselves to enjoy such a cruel act.", it made me realize that this guy had no qualms about painfully murdering (mostly) innocent people, but couldn't stand to see animals harmed (I know that was mentioned earlier, but still). Goes to show what a hypocrite this guy is. Those ending lines were intriguing to me because they let me in on this guy's psyche with out explicitly saying anything. Nice detail there. All in all I really liked the story.

This story is rather short however, so if you are planning to do a final draft then some more important, worthwhile detail could make this a longer, more engaging read. Anyways, great job here. Good luck in the contest.