Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36358996-20180729204231

I was wondering what could be impoved about this story. Like I said in the title, this is just the basic rough draft and not the final story. I will post it below for you to read and give your thoughts on it

[ Log 1 ]

'''I was given a job to do. I was assigned to go to a banquet at the Starlight Hotel, but obviously not just to talk and sip on champagne with rich old men. I was told to hunt down a man named Jonathan Nelson. One of my superiors took a loan out from him, but even after they paid the tab in full Mr. Nelson added an interest rate of fifty-two percent. So the Chairmen sent me to take care of this loan shark. To fit in at this banquet I wore a suit that the agency gave me. They had it tailored to my needs, and had pockets sewn into the inside of the jacket to fit a silenced pistol. Just incase the pistol could not be used they put a basic hunting knife into the other pocker. Putting a silenced pistol inside your jacket is not the most comfortable, but we could not let anyone else there know what was taking place. The suit felt very smooth, if only I could have seen it. As the agency workers put it on me I asked them what I should say if someone asks my name. The man who was buttoning my shirt said in his deep gruffled voice'''

“I don’t know kid, maybe you should make the decision for yourself.“ 

'''I thought about that for a few minutes while he finished buttoning my shirt, and I came to a conclusion. I will go by Max Bennett, and if they ask me who I work for I will say that I am an entrepreneur that makes toothpaste. I honestly thought that was a bit silly. However a lot of the men there will most likely be inventors or a part of a CEO for a bizarre product. After they finished dressing me they tried to hand me my cane, in which I declined. Then they drove me to the hotel to complete my assigned job.'''

[ Log 1 end ]

[ Log 2 ]

'''So far everything was going to plan. I was told to try and fit in, but not talk to anyone I did not need to talk to. I first listened to the noise that was around the large dinning hall. Mostly the clinks of glasses, men talking, and waitresses taking orders. Mr. Nelson was not in here, so I started walking to the next room. Drowning out all other noise but my footsteps in order to find the next room. As I entered the next room which was the sitting room I once again listened to the general noise of the room. Almost the same as the dining hall, but the sound of waitresses was replaced with the sound of the sports playing on the television. Once again he was not here, and I was running out of rooms to check. However I was not discouraged, because if he was where I believe he was then my job just became much easier. I walked up a small set of stairs to reach the private rooms. Walking down the corridor of rooms blocking out the moans of women, and focusing in for the voice of Mr. Nelson. I listened very closely, once I got in front of the room that sounded most like him I smelled the knob of the door. It smelled like his aftershave, so I was almost sure it was him. I was about to open to door, but then a heavily intoxicated women came running out laughing and almost fell a few times. After she was far enough away I walked threw the now open door. Mr. Nelson was sitting on his bed, and was intoxicated as well. He mistaken me for a women and said to me'''

“Hey pretty lady, I bet your here for me?”

'''Seeing this as an opportunity I put told him yes, and that he was very handsome. I already had a more feminine voice so tricking him was very easy. His consumption of a lot of alcohol also helped in tricking him. After I shut and locked the door he spoke to me again'''

'''“Don’t be shy beautiful! Come say hi to papi.”'''

[ Log 2 end ] 

[ Log 3 ]

'''I took out my pistol, and ran out from behind the small hallway that led to the bedroom. I pointed directly at him, and told him if he moves he dies. Even with him being intoxicated, he was still cunning as ever. He looked me in the eyes and smiled. Then he said to me'''

“Hey fairy, what’s your name.”

'''I told him Max Bennett which I was using as my alias. He then said to me'''

“Alright Max, How many fingers am I holding up?”

'''I was listening to his movement, I could hear the faint sound of wind as he put his fingers up. I did not say anything to him, but he said to me'''

“Well what did I expect for someone who’s blind.”

'''He found me out. He must have noticed the grey murkiness of my eyes, and that is a common trait of the blind. He started laughing about the look on my face, but I didn’t care. People always unesamated me for my disability, even the agency. After they saw me assassinate 4 bodyguards they had to let me in. I can do everything on my own with just my other senses. However I do not mind it when the agency pampers me with men to help me do mundane tasks, it is quite humorous. As Mr.Nelson was laughing to the point of tears I shot him three times in the chest. Then I chuckled a little bit. He was so confident that I would not be able to tell him he had three fingers up. That I decided to shoot him the same number of times. He stopped laughing and started to gasp for air. I did not feel like wasting another bullet so I took out my knife and stabbed him right in the aorta. The little cut I made got bigger and bigger. As the body still tried to pump the blood in and out of his heart it started to spray out. The blood sprayed all over my suit, so I couldn’t leave threw the front door wearing my clothes. Before I planned my escape I had to make sure I got all of my evidence. I was wearing gloves the whole time so I was safe with finger prints, and I was taking both of my weapons with me. Just to be safe I cut out the bullets out of his chest. I took all the money that he had on him, and all of the valuables he had in his room. I walked into the bathroom to clean myself up a bit and change into another pair of clothes I stole from his suitcase. I wrapped up my clothes and put them into a bag that I also took from him now, then removed the gloves and also put them with my clothes. I unlocked the door, and put a do not disturb sign on his door. Hopefully that would keep people out until I get out of here. As I was walking down the hallway in clothes way to big for me. The women I saw run out of Mr. Nelsons room earlier was coming back down the hallway. She asked me if he had another girl in there with him, and I hold her yes. I started to walk faster. She was going to go in that room, and she was going to see the mess that I left. As soon as I left threw the front door I could hear her scream. I walked up to the car and drove off back to the agency to give them the bag with the suit, money, weapons, and valuable items.'''

Mission successful.

[ Log 3 end ]  