Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33904527-20190113014104/@comment-9041013-20190122051705

I guess you could post it quality wise even before my issue with the jumbked scene is its, in my eyes, a detriment to your storytelling.

To make scenes easier to follow and for them to flow better just stick to either a certain character/group of characters for most of the story or a single plot point that runs along the entirity of the story.

In your case following Gill throughout the vast majority of the story without random breaks in the timeline is the best option, I think. (You can switch the timeframe obviously but mske it obvious with "thr next morning" or "in his head" [to indicate memory]).

Also introduce vharacters if you want them to take center stage before they do. Nothing fancy, "X is this and that" the paragraph before we're meant to follow their point of view.

Thats just me though