Talk:Outside Lights/@comment-26529017-20160108225340

I have to say, it's not BAD, but it certainly isn't great. I feel that Hope is so blank and underdevloped  that I couldn't care for her in the least. It's very hard to feel the suspense when I don't feel anything for a character. I understand you were going for an urban legend feel, perhaps this story was passed from person to person until the details were lost, but I just feel like it wasn't really fleshed out.

As for the ending, I found it predictable and anticlimatic. Other urban legend stories are more chilling than this without any violence at all (for example, the story about the babysitter seeing the reflection of a man behind her, thinking he was outside the window until the police find him hiding in the house). As far as predictability goes, almost every story with hollow protagonist (usually female), ends with them dead in the end. I specifically say female, because it seems men have a really hard time writing good female characters, usually they are not fleshed out or are written perversely(kudos for not doing that). I'm not saying don't kill female characters, by all means, kill everyone! It just would have been a bit less predictable to me if you made your character charming, likeable or relatable THEN kill/scar them. Faceless, voiceless characters in pastas are being slaughtered everywhere, I'm at the point where I can call when a character is going to end up dead.

That being said, I really like your writing! I didn't notice any grammar mistakes (I likely made more mistakes in my comment than your whole story) and there is enough detail in the description of the room and the light outside the window that it was very immersive and creepy. Personally, odd and unusual lights freak me the Hell out. I'd like to see more of your work nominated for Pasta of the month because I'd like to see how your style evolves as you improve on your talent.

I'd say this is a solid 6.5/10. The character and ending leave a lot to be desired but the atmosphere and your well written enviroment saved it. Keep up the good work!

(I'm sorry if you're actually a woman, I sometimes make too many assumptions)