Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26100502-20150421194113/@comment-24101790-20150421213021

First off, this is one large paragraph, you need to break it up some. People are not going to be able to read/review it as it is. A typical paragraph has five to ten sentences. It also seems like you wanted to use each night as a title, which is fine, but it needs to be spaced out from the previous and following paragraph to its own line. Dialogue also needs to be spaced out so there is only one person talking per paragraph. (otherwise it is easy to mix-up who is saying what.)

Grammar: you're=you are, your=possession

Capitalization issues: words improperly capitalized "Reach For The Sky!", "He, He, He, He, He, He.", etc.

Punctuation issues: question marks missing from dialogue where a question is asked. Additionally using apostrophes on plural words is incorrect (unless indicating possession: kids' house). Commas are also missing where a pause in flow is needed (try reading the story aloud and seeing where you naturally come to a pause and those are typically areas that need a comma/semicolon of sorts.

Spacing issues: There needs to be spacing between dialogue and quotations. "all."That's strange?", "And"You should have saved them when you had the chance.", "The mysterious shadow figure said."Wh..What?", etc.

Wording errors: "So without further a do, (adieu)", "Clinton tried with all his might to unlock the door, but it was still no luck.", "The figure then pulled out a stick of dynamite and it exploded the whole house." Homophone issues with then/than as well as overuse/redundancy issues with the word "then" (40+ times) The dialogue also needs some work.

Story issues: this story is also lacking in description and feels very rushed at times. This story needs quite a bit of re-working. I am glad you're using the writer's workshop as if it was uploaded in its current form, it would be deleted for not meeting quality standards

I might also suggest looking over this blog for other tips.