Talk:Dark Meditation/@comment-25941663-20150905004634

This was nicely written, I'm glad to see you're improving your skills. Zack is actually a pretty likeable character, despite seeing very little of him.

The story though was, unfortunately, predictable. I knew that something would go wrong with the roomate, and after he said he was going to 'dark meditate', I knew he would get lost somewhere he wasn't supposed to and the narrator would have to save him by going to that place too.

Apart from that, I'm afraid the plot didn't stay grounded in reality for long. I just can't understand why the narrator was staying in the house all this time. I mean, you don't have to be very fast to get out of the door quickly. Also, it is unrealistic how the narrator managed to reach the dark place so easily, while he had never meditated before.

Also, why did the narrator care so much about Zack? I mean, he only knew him for a year or something, so risking his life for him is a bit of a stretch.

Finally, I don't understand why the being in control of Zack's body didn't want Ian to call for help. I mean, how could a doctor help? Surely someone would have tried to help the other captured men, with very little success. So why does the being care so much about that? It's little things like this that ruin a reader's immersion, you need to be more careful in the future.

One of the things I liked a lot was the scene where Zack writes on the floor. It was unsettling, and the message (while it was a bit cheesy) was something that Zack would say.

Lastly, in this:

"What I am hoping to do is try to send this paper to our world, using some kind of meditation technique."

I would consider removing the "using some kind of meditation technique."

First of all, Ian doesn't know much about meditation. Second, do we really need that info? Honestly, the sentence does more bad than good.

Despite all that, the story isn't that bad. It's just that it's a bit too movie-like, and I don't fancy that. Older creepypastas were similar to this too. I would love to see you dig deep into your creative side and come up with something more original and fresh; I'm sure it would kick ass.

Anyway, this was a step in the right direction. I believe if you follow the advice I gave you, you'll do great in your next story. Keep up the good work!