Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26251513-20150704012207/@comment-26251513-20150704133838

Senjumaru Shutara wrote: SmileyShoes wrote: Senjumaru Shutara wrote: First of all, the title doesn't need quotes and it's incorrectly capitalized.

There's also some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

Then there's the plot. I'm not real sure, but I think the problem lies in its execution. There's no backstory on the doll. What does it look like? Is it possessed by a demon? Is there some kind of camera and a stalker on the loose? All we know is that the character's daughter is missing, but there's no justification other than a doll. There's no imagery, no logical reason. It's a bad expectation here to expect suspension of disbelief, because the way the story seems written makes it hard to do so.

In other words, this definitely needs work.

Well, the whole point of the doll is that isn't orgin is suppose to be unknown. But thanks, i'll try and work on it Then make the story longer. The shortness of the story is depriving us of alot of necessary details. Maybe by extending it and focusing more on the doll and not just the daughter, you can achieve the purpose you're attempting to get at while still giving us what we need in a good story. Making the doll unknown, while still giving us enough about it to know that it caused it and why, or at least have a general idea. Give us imagery. Give us description. Give us a way to know if the doll is, say, sentient or not. You get my point.

So, you can maybe say how the doll sort of haunted the dad? Or maybe how the daughter disappeared, because the doll has to do something?