Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24352864-20141019024116/@comment-25546552-20141019210819

So, I did like where you were going with this, but it was becoming very obvious at about the point where they said she had a companion that this is where you were going.

Now it becoming obvious wasn't to bad, but I feel like the ending left me unsatisfied.

Because I already knew what what was going on and at the end where the main character figures it out i'm like "Yea, and?".

I feel like there should be something more or a scary twist to it rather than it just being a girl that looked exactly like her.

Also, this is just a thought but, I think the parts where the other girl speaks to her should be done slightly different. If you disagree you should keep them but I think if they were changed slightly it improve the quality.

I'm not 100% sure what should be changed, I was thinking possibly just remove the parenthesis because it kind of conflicts with the flashback memories near the end. Or you could possibly change the dialogue of them to be in the first person instead of the duplicate girl talking to her.

The girl would still be talking to her but she would just be doing it in the first person.

Overall it was good but I think if you tweaked the things I mentioned it would be better. I would actually like someone to give me feedback on my feedback to see if what i'm saying makes any sense to anyone haha.