Talk:The Lonely Stars/@comment-4715955-20151114032535

Really don't have much bad to say here. I would change "the blue water and brown land" to simply "the [adjective] blue and brown" or something along those lines, and the "always...and forever" lines are a bit too cheesy and disrupt the mood a bit.

Apart from that it's pretty terrifying and nicely written. The narration is smooth and easy to read, doesn't over-embellish.