Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20170322074930/@comment-7064562-20170324175832

I was going to go into more detail with this but I opted out because it might be because of my own personality, however I think the tone of this is far to silly and saracstic to be taken seriouslly. Mainly the way the MC gives off his typing, like with the emojis and jokes. I get how it's supposed to come off as insane, but it feels more like a talk show host who didn't have a script.

I suggest spacing it out more, making it longer and slowly drawing out the sarascim/engeritc side of him. Such as at the start have him excuse himself for his outburst, but as the story goes on, have him make more outburst without explaing them to give the feeling he's slowly surcoming into his own insanity. Because as it is now, he's doing it to the end, and it gives the whole work a flat feelings.

Like I said, this might just be because I'm a saracstic person in general so I was reading it with that tone, but its just my 2 cents.