Talk:Trap/@comment-25383866-20141106115011

Well that escalated quickly. The most powerful parts were the first couple of sentences and the last. It sucked me in, and then promptly lost me throughout the entire middle part. There are a lot of places where your sentences have something to say but you only write half of it, and I as the reader have to infer the rest. For instance, this one: "The moon was now entirely hidden by a mass of clouds, hungrier for its light than I've ever been for food." Who's hungry? The protagonist? The moon? The clouds? It may seem obvious, but it's not up to me, the audience, to figure it out, it's up to you as the writer to be specific and say so. Don't assume your audience is stupid, but don't assume they can read your mind either. Overall 6/10. Not bad, but not refined enough to be great.