Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20190725084302/@comment-9041013-20190727202026

Oh now it's clearer. Good.

When it comes to the flashbacks I had in mind a few, spread throughout the story; but I guess it's not exactly your thing. The way you've used the one at the beginning and the one towards the end works alright, however, the one she experiences when she sees her god's fake - it is kind of lacking in the traumatic department. I say give it more detail. As you should do with the heart attack of said god. (His movements slowed down, his calls seemed panicked, she heard weak wheezes etc etc).

I suggest using less common brands (no idea about the lock brand, but never seen it here.) for the objects; like super European or Asian brands that aren't common in California.

Oh and, maybe add a sentence or two regarding the timeframe she had been in hell before she died, I think it would make her situation a tad more tragic if we knew she stayed in the failing terror-manor for a few more months, or years... who knows.