Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25288624-20140810181324/@comment-25052433-20140813010428

Alright, grab some popcorn and your favorite person and cuddle up tight, because it's time to review!

This one needs quite a bit of work, but I could see it going places once a good coat of polish is laid on. The grammar issues are apparent, and I think that Jay pointed most of that out. I quick run through your MS Word spell check should guide you in the right direction.

As for plot? It needs more. For example, how did the killer overtake the two parents so easily? Is he supernatural? Did he hold them at gun point while he carved them up? Honestly, I just can't see two adults, especially adults with children to protect, just sitting there and allowing this to happen. There needs to be a 'how and why' inserted into the deaths of the parents, otherwise it just comes across like a quick plot device to make the story seem gorier.

My biggest issue here though, was the fact that you referenced Creepypasta, in a Creepypasta. Now, I am sure there is no rule against it, I just don't personally like it. I wish I could articulate why, but honestly, I just feel like any story that takes place in a Creepypasta universe, shouldn't have a Creepypasta website. Sort of how no one in any zombie movie has ever actually seen a zombie movie. I guess that makes sense.

The ending is cliché as well. Why did the killer let him live? Just to come back for him later? If he was spared the first time, that gives you a great opening to expand on the killer, the protagonist or both. Having him live just to die later, just seems unnecessary.

Either way, this was an ambitious story and I would like for you to keep trying to revise it until it's amazing.

Elements you can consider working with,

-Who is the killer?

-What are his motives for killing and carving up his victims?

-What was the protagonist doing during the time between the killer sparing him, and the killer returning?