Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36358996-20180729204231/@comment-9041013-20180730095611

Please fix the issues the doctor mentioned above.

This has some grammatical issues on top of everything, like an intoxicated "women", it should be "Woman" and "He mistaken me" it's either past perfect or past... also the simple past form of "to mistake" is "mistook"

It's a little contrived and shallow, you could expand on this very much and make it a pretty decent story. Here's the catch though, it's not horror, it's a possibly great action story but it's not horror. Its way too much of James Bond kind of thing. You can turn it into a horror story if you make the narrator into a more of a monster who pretends to be human, or have the Loan shark be a monster (be it human criminal who does something dispicable or an actual monstrosity).