Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26018970-20150131082154/@comment-26113663-20150131085936

I see some errors here.

'Nothing is going to happen out there. It was my imagination I whispered to myself.' - If ever writing a dialogue or monologue, don't forget to add quatation marks ("[statement goes here].") before the statement starts and after the statement ends.

It must be like this - "Nothing is going to happen out there. It was my imagination," I whispered to myself.

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The figure didn't apper again in that hour. - You have a misspelled word in that sentence. "Apper" must be, "appear", meaning "to show up."

It must be like this - The figure didn't appear again in that hour.

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'We need to discuss something she muttered quietly. '- There goes the non-usage of quotation marks use again.

It must be like this - "We need to discuss something," she muttered quietly.

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'There were things on the news about a murder across the road at the house near thee bushes.'' my mum sadly told me, looking at me with a worried face. '''- Again. Quotation mark uses.

It must be like this - "There were things on the news about a murder across the road at the house near thee bushes." my mum sadly told me, looking at me with a worried face.

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Erm, I need to go and look on the internet and see how far this has spread I lied, running up to my room. - How many time do I have to say this?

It must be like this - "Erm, I need to go and look on the internet and see how far this has spread." I lied, running up to my room.

This is the last one I'll say this. If I find another one, it's up to you if you'll search for it and fix it.

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'''I checked to see if Google Images had any images of the figure. There were none.''' - I see this a bit unrealistic. No one would search for a figure, if even the searcher don't know the figure's appearance himself/herself.

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'''That was until I saw a dark figure emerge from behind a bush, clutching a huge sharp knife in their hand. I looked at my phone. I was thinking of taking a picture of this figure but when I looked up, everything was still and silent again. The figure was gone. '''- Also unrealistic, and stupid mostly. If you ever find a figure standing in front of you with a knife in his hand, would you first take a picture of the figure? Of course, no; it's like offering yourself to the killer. You need to run for your life, if that ever happen.

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...to see if anyone had spotteed the killer. - Misspelling again.

It must be like this - ...to see if anyone had spotted the killer.

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All the articles called the killer 'The Winter Killer'. - A bit of unrealisticness made this hideous. Not all killers have the same "The WInter Killer" name. Killers have their own signature names, unless you search the killer only within that place.

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'''A few nights passed. They were full of nightmares and murders. People on our street and across the road were being killed, their bodies found on the floor, staining the carpet with blood and filling the air with a deadly stench. I kept checking to see if anyone had spotted the Winter Killer. Nobody had.''' - Well, I personally think this is an overused cliche.

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'''The figure approached me. I uncurled as it pulled it's hood down. I realised... It was me. '''- Seems original, but lacked better execution. Elaboration would be sugested. And it has a bad kind of question. It may end up asking ourselves, "What? I don't understand." It all escalated too fast. You didn't provide sufficient explanation.

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The entire 9th paragraph. - The explanation to that barely made sense. It didn't have enough thoughts to support the main idea.

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Overall: ''This needs some more work; it had few plot holes, some events just happened without any clarification or explanation. Grammar seemed fine enough, but the other fundamental characteristics of a good pasta were missing in this. The story's had originality in it, but had some cliches and unrealistic elements.''