Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475800-20160621031515/@comment-28266772-20160621160012

"If she had known that a marina biologist would mean sitting behind a desk so much," -> marina should be marine, and I think the word 'being' should be in between 'that' and 'a'.

"She like Raoul," -> should be liked

" Not only that, but looking at a computer screen for hours made her eyes tired. It wasn’t until she could hardly stay awake on the drive home that she realized she needed to do something else. If she had known that a marina biologist would mean sitting behind a desk so much, she would have chosen a different career path.

It wasn’t until she started doing her nightly stroll that she realized she was getting so tired because of looking at the screen" -> Repetition in this section of her eyes being tired by the screen. Feels redundant and repetitive when reading.

"   I’m fine with it if that’s you wanna role," -> should be roll and missing a 'how'

 " It’s some kind of animal that wash ashore" -> washed

 "   treated his coworkers good" -> well not good

 "   they well show up with a group of people each and a couple of kegs." -> will not well

 "latter tomorrow" -> later not latter

 "distain" -> disdain

 " She called to the back to the bank she climbed over and another three people came walking over the hill. To of there were carrying coolers, the other had a flashlight." -> Not sure about the first sentence, but it's definitely not right. As for the second sentence it should be "two of them were..."

 "Racheal" -> should be Rachael. Or if it is Racheal it should be consistent because you frequently switch between the two.

"wiping around" -> pretty sure you meant whipping.

"they have heard it worked" -> tense issue. Should be "they had heard it worked"

" The water lapping at their sneakers, causing Racheal to complain about that." -> tense issues. I think this whole sentence would be better if it was shifted into past tense like the rest of the story.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;line-height:22px;">" a long scar mark that" -> this feels redundant. A scar is a mark, and vice versa. Could probably just ditch 'mark'.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;line-height:22px;"> " Don’t be ridiculous,” Racheal said. “This is just part of a whale, it can’t breathe. Not to mention, it lived in the sea, and hasn’t been in the water for hours. If it wasn’t a whale, it’s surly dead now. Don’t be stupid, you know that just as well as any of us." -> I think the 'don't be stupid' part is a repetition of the 'don't be ridiculous', so it feels stunted and repetitive. And the sentence reads much better if it skips 'don't be stupid' and goes straight into 'You know that...'

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;line-height:22px;"> " Slowly, everyone agreed, at least forced themselves to agree" -> a missing 'or'

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;line-height:22px;"> " And it was great, he wasn’t too genital, but not rough either. It was great." -> repetition of 'it was great' and the single greatest Freudian slip ever. i.e. genital/gentle.

<p style="font-weight:normal;color:rgb(212,212,213);font-size:14px;line-height:22px;">So I'm only like 3000 words in so far, and will give more conclusive notes tomorrow. It's just I gotta move on away from the computer and I didn't want to lose my notes and progress. So far, though, enjoying the story! Looking forward to finishing it off.