Talk:Sleeptalking/@comment-24281984-20141118022345

While the story itself was decent in its originality, it wasn't executed very well. You have a lot of filler and unnecessary words, phrases and even entire sentences that can be taken out without losing important story elements. There is way too much detail about the brother in particular that doesn't feel necessary. You also change tenses at several parts- from the past tense to the present, so this should be fixed on your own because I couldn't manage that editing without altering the story.

I think that with a rewrite, this story could be a lot better. It really isn't very good quality as is and I don't want to see an interesting and believable idea dragged down by a rushed and somewhat untidy feeling.