Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36110136-20180707150934/@comment-24101790-20180707153114

Punctuation: There are a number of times where you forget to punctuate properly: "And then when I tested it out by throwing a few stabs at the air(.) I felt as light as a feather.", "It all began a year after a certain incident an incident I don't want to remember.", "It was like something has taken over(,/.) I liked the felling though.", etc.

Formatting: The story is one massive paragraph. It needs to be broken up to read easier. A typical paragraph is 5-10 sentences. Any less and it feels anemic. Any more and it becomes difficult to read and follow.

Capitalization: You have a tendency to randomly capitalize words and forget to capitalize the start of sentences: "I am a shadow of darkness a sleeping power But (but) I am not strong yet.", "curious. the handle of the knife turned a little white and grey combined.", etc.

Wording: Awkward wording: "To whomever is reading this stop while you still can if not then I warned you.", "The thing he said next horrified me he said this is not normal this is an anomaly in the balance then he said my name like he knew me and said I am the one.", "They all got all the signs of cancer I thought it was strange so I asked the doctor.", "Which I can’t have that happen so I was hidden about everything.", etc. I would suggest reading your story aloud and looking for areas that sound awkward.

Spelling: "It was like something has taken over I liked the felling (sic) though.", "The knife was so quick it was unbelievable I felt faster then (sic) the flash.", etc. Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "Then… out of nowhere I heard echo’s (echoes) yes echo’s (echoes) telling me its (it's) ok to fall asleep."

Story issues: A lot of the story is told passively which robs a lot of its effectiveness. Lines like: "The thing he said next horrified me he said this is not normal this is an anomaly in the balance then he said my name like he knew me and said I am the one." and " I felt a blood lust coming on so I went to my neighbor’s house and slashed away with a knife." come off as bland as there isn't much description or feeling of impact on the story.

Story issues cont.: Additionally the story is very rushed and needs quite a bit of work if you want something engaging and interesting. This line for example comes off as lacking due to the way you're telling the story (passively) and its lack of descriptors and emotion: "I used all the gas my family stored in the garage and burned the house to the ground. But there was one thing I did not burn though that was a certain knife it was the family knife sent down from generation to generation. It was used by a warrior long ago or, so they said. I touched the knife and it instantly turned pure black."

Conclusion: As it stands, this needs a lot of work. Even if you fixed the mechanical errors, there would still be a lot of plot issues that would result in the story being below quality standards due to its rushed and non-involving nature. I would strongly suggest sitting down and re-writing a large portion of this to make it more engaging and less rushed.