Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37138398-20190226135752/@comment-36627132-20190226145053

Spelling and Grammar Issues: Like your last story this one has words that do not need capitalized ("Marble", "Bleach", "Ammonia"). "prior to the parks opening" that should be "park's", remember parks = multiple park, park's = park's possessive.

Plot Issues: The framing device is awkwardly done. It is too coincidential that one of them is named Perseus and the other Ares, it kind of feels like a lazy nod to mythology. Ares sits down next to Perseus and randomly asks if he is willing to listen to a story which sounds pretty ridiculous. "Unknown to the builders, the Marble was hollowed, and it was filled with Bleach and Ammonia. They had barely a second to react before the mustard gas in the marble leaked out and flowed into their lungs." this has a bunch of problems. First off, how did they not know something was inside the marble? Second, screwing in the plaque, they would be covering the holes quickly so not too much of the mustard gas would get out. Third, being in an outside setting, there would be too much ventilation for them to suffocate, especially since it is coming out of small holes that are being covered. Fourth, they would have smelled it and probably ran away, if not that they would feel it and try to get help.

Plot Issues Continued: The Chorderoys would have hardly even been suspected of murder. At worse they would have been sued for workplace death. Somewhere down the line somebody would have said that the marble came from the Ivorkavs who, in turn, would have most likely have gotten in trouble for supplying it. "But that wasn’t all. People found that if you were to sit on the marble bench, you would grow tired, and eventually fall asleep, never to wake up." Most readers by now would already have guessed that the bench in the story was the one Perseus and Ares were sitting on.

Honestly, this one wasn't very creepy either but it is an improvement over your last story.