Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26487192-20160812084129/@comment-29598598-20160813055043

Not sure. Yeah, removing the capitalization on "he" and "him" may be a smart move as those pronouns aren't usually capitalized unless they are the first word of a sentence or, in this case, referring to God. As for other suggestions, I don't really have anything else to suggest. Your coworker not having understood it may suggest that, for her, it wasn't such a dead give away. Keep in mind that when I said the twist was a little to obvious, I was giving my personal opinion. You will get many different opinions as you write for this wiki. If you end up trying to post on the wiki and your story gets rejected, don't take it personally. They have had to increase their standards over the past few years due to the large amount of mediocre/generic stories that were flooding the site. While this bit of advice may not apply your story per se, I find it good to take to heart anyway. Any reviews/opinions I or anyone else gives you is solely for the purpose of helping you as a writer. Believe it or not, there are countless users who don't know how to take constructive criticism and as such, they get all angry when their stories get negative reviews and they end up lashing out and making fools of themselves. I hope that any advice I gave will be helpful to you.