User talk:JohnathanNash

Archive 1

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 Ruckus Q uantum   13:00, June 22, 2016 (UTC)

Spirited Competition Continued
That's kind of a problem for me because I don't talk or interact with people much; I've got social anxiety (can't really talk much beyond "hi" and "bye", when I do talk it is very much forced and tends not to make sense). I try to write how I think people interact. I could pay more attention to how people talk in movies or something though.

My biggest problem when it comes to describing things isn't a lack of imagination, but rather sentence structure. I always worry that my sentences don't make any sense, especially when I start throwing in a lot of description and adjectives. I always worry that my placement is wrong. I'll take a look at Lovecraft and see how he structured his sentences in regards to describing things and try to emulate it. Thank you so much for the advice, it is appreciated :) I'm going to go read your story and leave some feedback now! Buckle up!   I'm going to be popular  20:31, June 22, 2016 (UTC)


 * I'll look into that series, thank you!


 * I view speech to be very important, not all characters need it to express personality, but I feel like some do. Haha, that'd drive me crazy too. Buckle up!   I'm going to be popular  02:51, June 23, 2016 (UTC)


 * Thanks! That's what I've always tried to do, but maybe my brain gets all cross-wired while writing or something XD Yeah, I try to avoid slang unless it fits a character, that and exposition dumps. Buckle up!   I'm going to be popular  03:11, June 23, 2016 (UTC)

Blob
Hey Johnathan, I noticed something in your story Blobster. I think there's an error in the line "The drops that landed on Johnny burned into his skin, froze his cloths and gave him an idea" because of the "cloths" part. I think you meant to put "clothes" instead. I didn't change it in case it was intentional, just wanted to bring it to your attention in case it wasn't. Sorry if I'm mistaken. "Don't get hot and flustered,  use a bit of mustard!"  04:25, June 28, 2016 (UTC)


 * Oh I apologize, I was just glancing at the recent revision you had made on the story when I noticed the "cloths" part. I'm currently making a rollback application which will be posted in a day or so, after I do that I will definitely give your story a read and let you know what I think. Looks like you got some good praise already, so I look forward to the read. "Don't get hot and flustered,   use a bit of mustard!"  05:01, June 28, 2016 (UTC)

Hello again John, firstly I have to thank you for your Support vote on my rollback application. So... thanks! It is much appreciated.

I'm very sorry that I haven't gotten to Blobster yet, I've been a bit busy. I haven't forgotten about you. Once the 4th of July festivities and merriments die down, I will make it a point to sit my transvestite ass down and give you a proper review. Happy Fourth. "Don't get hot and flustered,  use a bit of mustard!"  17:40, July 3, 2016 (UTC)

RE: MrD to the rescue
No problem. There were a couple of grammatical errors, but I think I got most them. By the way, there is this sentence:

"but everyone wasn’t able to her over the din from the recent events" - I think there's a verb missing before 'her'.

I will leave a review on the page either tomorrow, or today, if I have the time. MrDupin (talk) 00:08, June 30, 2016 (UTC)

re-reading things
I haven't re-read Blobster yet, but I did comment anyway. I think the idea I suggested might help.--Mikemacdee (talk) 13:09, July 2, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Hey There,
Hi,

thanks for the heads up, but that was intentional. The character's a trans woman so you could consider it a play on words (she went from Tony to Toni).

ChristianWallis (talk) 16:00, July 2, 2016 (UTC)


 * That'd be great, thanks. I really like your writing and I'd love to know what you think!


 * ChristianWallis (talk) 17:09, July 2, 2016 (UTC)

Important update regarding Tiololo
Hi JohnathanNash, I know you're waiting for news about Lucas, so please check the blog for the latest update. Thanks.

Tiaxn (talk) 19:49, July 4, 2016 (UTC)

RE: Spirit Bottles
I'd be happy to give a review as soon as I am finished reviewing these contest submissions. I should get to it within the next couple of days. Apologies in advance for the delay.

A_O.

Anarchic Operations (talk) 07:57, August 20, 2016 (UTC)

Is this thing on? I'm not sure. Am I replying/posting in the right place?

Whatever.

I could have a go, yeah. Also I apologise if the brutal honesty came about too brutal. I try to drive home the problem with things while also driving the good. Hopefully it was understood that I really do think that Op. Stringray could be a really, really, really good story. It just needs some love.

Thanks. I've bookmarked your stories and you might find a comment on them out of nowhere, suddenly, sometime.

Based on some of your profile info I'm actually kinda expecting some pretty good stuff.

Thanks for seeing value in my shitty keyboard headbutting

DeusAmoeba (talk) 18:57, August 20, 2016 (UTC)

Hey, I got around to reading both of your stories and I've thought about them for awhile.

This may sound rude but It would take me quite some time to go over all the little things that I think would improve them as they are, but I felt overall they were a little generic and contained a lot of (using a potentially terrible choice of word here) "unrealistic" circumstances. That is to say, i found it hard to believe the non-supernatural elements of the situation in question could believably occur in reality for one reason or another.

I'd be willing to go into that in more detail but I wanted to ask you if English your first language? Your writing is by no means awful, but I speak to a lot of people who write "good" english who did not learn it as their first language, some some things in your writing gave me the feeling it may not be yours. It makes them understandable, but for the purpose of literature it makes it a little bit jarring when it's not intended to be, say, a first hand account.

I would like to highlight some of the things I really did like about both stories, though.

First of all, the image of the bottles hanging from trees in Spirit Bottles is a really appealing thing to imagine. It's a surreal and appealing image that would be particularly fascinating to unexpectedly discover.

I also enjoyed the play on the protagonist in Voice Messages- how he is supposed to be treating people but is more-or-less making them worse, intentionally to satisfy his own curiosity.

I feel both stories would work better from a different perspective however, an example would be that Voice Messages would be more unnerving if you were to read it from the perspective of the wife, reading her husbands patient journals. Removing the silver specks in eyes and whatnot in favour of it just being an extremely unnerving account of a woman learning that her husband is actually abusing his relationship with patients to test the extremes of their psychosis etc.

You would obviously need to think it through and consider what kind of practice would manage to maintain itself if the majority of the patients went on to murder people, commit suicide and so on, but I'm sure there's a reasonable way to turn this man's profession as a helper of the sick into a sickener of the mildly disturbed.

I had a lot of thoughts reading both and I'm sorry to report that, as they are, I didn't think they were very good. But I was excited by the possibilities they hold and what the ideas might become if given more intricate attention.

Sorry If this isn't much help, I could try to go through some specifics if you'd like, but I don't want to act the professional. I've not even submitted my own work to this site, or any other, or anywhere - really. I'm just very analytical about things.

If you enjoy writing I would urge you not to give up, keep trying, keep getting feedback, keep destroying and rebuilding until you create the truly magnificent thing I'm positive you're capable of.

Good luck!

DeusAmoeba (talk) 21:21, August 26, 2016 (UTC)

I can give it a go. It might take awhile for me to get around to it, though. I'm not a terribly busy person (that is to say I don't have "you must do this right now" obligations) but I am an immensely awkward one.

My biggest piece of advice in the meantime is to look at some of the chapters of published works you enjoyed and pay attention to how they're written, compare it to your own and ask what you do that you like more and what you don't do that maybe your writing would benefit from.

When I started writing anything at all I more or less shit out nonsense that sounded nice, and I've tried to make my not nonsense sound as appealing, while not being about absolutely nothing. Some of that came from reading weird stuff I liked on the internet and a few books I enjoyed. (I actually don't read books that much, but If I pick one up that gets me it doesn't go back down until it's done.)

Anyway, will see what I can do for nitpicking and criticizing every little thing. You seem dedicated to writing and getting it to as high a standard as you can. That's cool and it's cool that I might be of some help :3

DeusAmoeba (talk) 05:04, August 28, 2016 (UTC)

Re: beast
Ha, just a bit of fast-editing practice I guess. Also, I noticed that in the story you had both "Gods" and "Demon/Devils" as categories. The category rules dictate that you can only have one of those at a time; same goes for "Ghosts", "Monsters", "Cryptids", and "Beings". So you'll have to remove either "Gods" or "Demon/Devils" from your story, so pick the one that fits best. Just to let you know.

" Girls will run around in your head ,  till you wished you liked boys instead !"  06:05, September 18, 2016 (UTC)


 * I know what you mean about editing your own work, for me it's straining in my chair, squinting my eyes on a certain sentence and whisper-reading it to myself 4-5 times in a row until I'm convinced it's correct. So yeah, big pain in the ass.


 * Best of luck in the contest.


 * " Girls will run around in your head ,  till you wished you liked boys instead !"  06:20, September 18, 2016 (UTC)

RE: Thanks
No problem man. MrDupin (talk) 20:44, September 21, 2016 (UTC)


 * OK good. I would love to give another review once you've reworked the story. Also, when you want to delete, you can message me and I'll take care of it. MrDupin (talk) 15:17, September 26, 2016 (UTC)


 * It is deleted. Hit me up when you post the revision story. MrDupin (talk) 11:56, September 28, 2016 (UTC)

Costume Contest
Hey, so the submissions for the contest have been closed and we're ready to begin voting. Feel free to leave a comment in the thread or on my talk page with your vote for the costume contest. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:43, November 1, 2016 (UTC)

Thanks!
Thanks for helping me in the Creepypasta Wiki Costume Contest by being a judge and mediating on the thread and keeping the conversation going. Here is a page where you can view the entries and the list of judges. Have a good one. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:00, November 6, 2016 (UTC)

Psst
Read Jenna recently and added a category to it as well as correcting a minor typo (lover->love). It was an interesting read and I liked the description of the heroin kicking in ("As soon as she depressed the plunger her jaw slackened and she felt the warmth rush through her veins.") as it feels true to the nature of the drug (as well as opiates in general). One quick thing though, this line: "Tom ran from the bathroom, cradling his dead daughter, his sobs echoing off the tiles walls." I'm not sure if you meant tiles to be possessive or singular there or if I'm overlooking something this late at night. I just thought I might point it out in case it was something that was overlooked. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:58, November 7, 2016 (UTC)

Re: Good Day Good Sir
Hey, I'll make sure to have a look at it today. It's not long so I should be able to review it quickly ChristianWallis (talk) 09:13, November 8, 2016 (UTC)