(In)Sanity

Have you ever loved someone so much that you just know it will work? That happened to me, except...it didn't work.

When I first saw her, I predicted that we would be friends. And we were, although, I never knew that she actually had feelings for me. A couple of months passed, and something happened...I couldn't stop thinking about her. One of my close friends, I'll call him L, kept telling me things she was saying when I wasn't around. I was intrigued. And then, in love...

The week of nervousness and anxiety kicked in, and I kept telling myself "Today, I'll ask" but I kept putting it off until Friday...well, not exactly putting it off, we had rehearsals every day for GCSE Drama, so we were both quite busy.

On that Friday, I finally got round to asking her...she told me that she used to have feelings for me, but had moved on...she still wanted to be friends, really good friends, of course.

Then...I broke...I thought about her in my every waking moment, and in my sleep. I'd sometimes even shed a tear over the lost opportunity, that still seemed wide open.

Our love was broken. We loved at different times. Every day and night I tried to calm myself with music. Mostly the ones that cheered me up when my best friend hated me. But that was different.

Every day, I'd get home from school, I would see her online on Facebook...but the demon tells me not to speak to her. My room would start to melt whenever I heard her name, or spoke of her with an even closer friend, whom I will refer to as "Iggi".

My relatives of old would speak to me from Heaven, telling me to move on, and to be stronger. But how could I be strong, when I am talking to dead relatives?

I had an appointment with the Master of Insanity in my nightmare, and he said that I was very far from sane. I still loved her. I wanted to be with her until death. But her and all the others are long gone, far from my reach. I sat in my bedroom. The day outside was grey, and there was a thick layer of dust everywhere. I hadn't been at school for a long time, and neither had they. I don't remember most of them. I don't remember how old I am, or the name of the village I live in. My name means nothing...

I hadn't heard from Iggi in about 3 years. The house...if you could still call it a house, was desolate. Except a table. A table, and a pill...not the others I was taking, which I ran out of over 2 years ago. One single cyanide pill. I took it. My heart stopped, my vision blurred for what seemed like forever...

I woke in my bed. Everything was how it was before I asked. I went downstairs, and saw them. My grandparents. The ones I had wanted to meet the most. And...I couldn't believe my eyes...I saw...her. As beautiful as she was the day I asked. She told me that all of my friends died in some kind of car wreck. They were all there. L, Iggi, everyone. Even my sister and parents. I realised at last...

I was home.

And free...