Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26014800-20150117042256/@comment-25170312-20150117045735

Well, here it is in a nutshell:

1. The main character's name is not a good idea unless it's a nickname. The story would also need to explain how she got the nickname in order for it to work. No one would name their kid Stormie.

2. Many errors in spelling and grammar.

3. You didn't make a new paragraph when the dialouge changes speaker.

4. You seem to be trying to write from an anime/manga perspective, which does not really work in short story form unless you are writing actual fan fiction. Aside from the main character having a really odd name for no apparant reason, the characters inexplicably speak with japanese honorifics / familiar titles.

5. The main character's name is mentioned way too many times. Use more pronouns, or change the structure of some of the sentences to remove the need to refer to the main character.

6. The plot is something we've seem many, many times. Girl is abandoned/bullied/traumatized, etc. Girl does something horrific at the end, complete with police report. There's nothing interesting going on. It's mostly just a sob story.

7. All the trapping of an OC pasta. The character's name, hairstyle, clothing, and backstory are not as important as the actual plot. This is something OC pasta writers just don't seem to understand. I didn't notice any catchphrases in there, which is the one saving grace.

Please consider all these points when writing in the future. I hope this helps!