Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44610077-20191223024945/@comment-5306249-20200103022246

I’m not sure how I feel about the idea or timeline of events. The general technology weirdness and vague Mandela effect the protagonist is apparently suffering from just seem unconnected, and nothing really scary comes of it except something coming in last second and messing with them. It’d help if you explained what sort of base idea you’re working off of in order to create a better narrative. (Im assuming the monster/phenomena is kind of alien-based?)

Also in terms of grammar I think you can do without the awkward pauses throughout the beginning and middle: “weird;odd”, etc. It breaks the tension too many times and can make the reader bored or unsurprised when the scare does come.