Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26522811-20150720030826/@comment-26475800-20150720032730

While this story wasn't like many others that I have read there were a good number of problems with it. Let's start with spacing, break up your paragraphs more. You have a lot of speaking in the first paragraph, which is fine but break it up so it is easier to understand who is speaking.

You also use a hyphen to have a person stop talking abruptly, use an ellipsis (...) which is the proper punctuation to use. A hyphen is to combine words, or if a person has a stutter or something of the sort.

The story over all is missing something as well. It was creative and could be very frightening, but it needs a lot of work. There was nothing that made me care about any of the people in it, no back story to what the person had been arrested for, and not really much happened besides a headache and God helping a scumbag.

If you build this story up it would be much better. The topic you have chosen is not really all that good to be a mircopasta. If you build it up, add to the characters, and break up the text it would be much better.

Hope this helps.