Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-36393004-20181002204802/@comment-7673575-20181003073610

Several re-reads, and I still don't get what's happening.

But I have to say, there is this nagging feeling of unease in the corner of my mind while I read this: like when you feel an insect crawl over your skin but when you go to brush it off it turns out that there was no insect in the first place.

Something is happening here. I don't know what it is. And that makes me scared.

So even though the explosion didn't kill me, the aftershock did.

On the grammar scale, it's a solid ten. I have to agree with Banned, though: the word "she" is slightly overused. Nothing that can't be mended.

This story has my pass, but if I were you, I'd let it marinate in here for a bit longer.

Also, because the title is what it is... Kira Yoshikage.