Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33904527-20190105174210/@comment-35711173-20190105194231

Evaluation:

I evaluate on English first and then the story.

English:

Many of the spellings are UK. I'm unsure on a couple of the words like Orangey. (You were in the UK, weren't you?) You should take a careful check for your punctuation. Grammarly using UK English shows about a dozen errors.

“Aw, shit.” Charlie responded.

In USA English, that's

“Aw, shit,” Charlie responded.

https://www.scribens.com/ finds three run-on sentences.

Story:

It seems to be an attempt at schizophrenia in a person living in a rural area in England. I'll assume that's it.

I suggest merciless editing. I feel it creeping forward with description of the surroundings over the action. I suggest reading it out loud. If you stumble while reading, clean it up. If it doesn't drive the action forward then delete it.