Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29275171-20181111051520/@comment-36627132-20181111055216

Spelling and Grammar Issues: Paragraphs should be broken down a bit more, they border wall of text. "but the fallout, the fallout remains" would work better if it were just "but the fallout remains." "I looked to my immediate left and right, saw to my west little but a jagged rocky surface" would work better if it were "I looked to my immediate left and right. To my right I saw a little but jagged rocky surface". "I saw it as a landmark, for future generations." the comma is unnecessary. "You slaughter and conquer, destroy." would read better if it were "You slaughter, conquer and destroy" there is too much drama in the former for a serious letter. "One who controls the world, humanity, the seas, the earth, it all." the "it all" part would be smoother if it were "all of it." "I could press a button, and millions would be lost." why is the o in millions bolded? And " I pushed past the retreating" why is the s in past bolded? Ellipsis is three periods and a space.

Plot Issues: The story isn't even all that creepy and lacks explanation on a few things such as how Simon acquired these destructive powers. "I was chosen by God, no doubt, to rebuild from scratch, just as Noah before me." not only would that be impossible as there are no women left, but also God promised not to destroy the world, or let there be another flood to destroy all earth. "God wanted to see me succeed, he had planned for all this after all." this kind of flies in the face of the apocolyptic prophecies throughout the Bible. Since Simon is wicked and turns against God, there is no way God would have given him these powers. "I am truly a God." reminds me of the laughable Sonic.exe quote "I AM GOD". Rather than creepy this story feels more like a don't-play-God moral tale.