Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20140731082945/@comment-24381191-20140731164055

So, grammar first. It's pretty good. Your paragraphs aren't too lengthy, no grammatical mistakes except: "When will you realize I'm not the sick one here," a voice says.

The voice is in my own head. James voice.

"When are you going to find out that they are the sick ones," he says. It should be:"When will you realize I'm not the sick one here?" a voice asks. The voice is in my own head. James voice.

"When are you going to find out that they are the sick ones?" he asks. The prose was really good and it kept the reader's interest in the story. The story itself, not bad. The fact that a machine is fed is questionable, why waste food on a machine? The story's a little underwhelming. How did James get in the machine? I think that was left for mystery, so I'll just put my own spin on it: He opened you and hid inside you. (stupid, rite? :P)