Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38564973-20190218215450/@comment-36627132-20190219021318

DrBobSmith wrote: TheBatCrusader,

This doesn't have the completion for a micropasta so I am guessing that you didn't copy and paste the whole thing. It's not resolved. There is an implication that the guard is the shapeshifter but that's it. We don't have a feeling of horror or creepiness. I have to agree with everything Dr. Bob said. It feels unfinished, there is no resolve (or reason for that matter), and there is not enough for this to even be considered a micropasta.

Since this story is very short I'm going to step out of my normal form of review. As short as this story is it is riddled with spelling errors.

In general I feel that "and so" is overused throughout this story.

"a fellow knight sat on his home" people sit in their homes, not on them (unless he's on the roof or something).

"There was suddenly a tapping outside his door" shouldn't it be tapping on his door?

"There was suddenly a tapping outside his door, and so the knight got up from his seat, and walked towards the door, and opened it, and saw the figure of a man, and the knight realized it was the king's guard outside his door." not only is this a run on sentance but it is poorly worded.

"The knight asked 'Greetings sir, what brings you here during this cold winter's night?'" just an opinion, it is likely to be more preferable to the reader if you put the dialogue first, then "the knight asked". On top of that start a new paragraph when somebody speaks.

"The king's guard said he had a message from the king" instead of summarising it, why don't you tell us what he said? This mistake is repeated twice shortly after ("the guard said that the king sent him because there is a shapeshifter killing people one by one." and "The king was wondering if the knight could slay the beast.").

"so their conversation was over." this felt excessive.

"Didn't the king die 2 days ago?" it looks more professional to spell out a number unless it is a date (this of course discludes "2 days") or money.

The twist ending isn't very effective. Since this story is lacking in horror content or any build up, your readers are going to expect a twist ending when they are near the end of the story. First off, you use the overly used "this character was dead all along" cliche, then it turns out the guard is the monster.

As Dr. Bob said (and I agreed with at the top of this reply) there is no resolve. The guard turns into the shapeshifter and then that's it. There's no attack, there's no fight, you don't tell us what happen to either the knight or the shapeshifter, it just ends abruptly. On top of that, as I've said, this story lacks reason. Why is all this happening? Where is this taking place? What happened to the shapeshifter or the knight?

I would like to conclude this review by suggesting you proof read your next work. I wish you the best of luck.