Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31608989-20170327015246/@comment-7064562-20170328045428

I believe I did give my opinions, thoughts, and constudctive cristism. No need to be rude.

Like I said, the fact that it's not only a gaming pasta, but a weeb piece hurts it, however it can still work if you exlpain/add in more detail so people who have no idea what any of the termaology means can understand the story. As it stands now, no one that hasnt got super into anime, and who hasn't heard of this game, will have no ieda whats really going on taking away from the atompshere.

The scare factor itself is also extreamlly cliched and weak. There was this one creepypasta, that while I didn't like, did a decentish job with a gal game, so it can be done. However just fixing up a few grammar issues and reposting it isn't going to be enough.

Changing the file as the main issue is kind of weak, then your throwing in a debugging program and some other person as a rival, its really hard to follow. YOu're most likley visulising it yourself, however that doesn't help the reader.

The over all lesson has no real tagline either and doesn't make a good conlusion.

Her killing in the end has been over done, its not really scary at all.

You say shes the rival, but rival of what? And why was she in different dimsions, we don't know this game, her story, anything. Not even what a tsundae even is.

etc

@sitting, While grammar is very important, honestly the overall story itself is a bigger thing, as even the best grammar in the world can't save a over all boring story.