Talk:Latrodectus/@comment-6064672-20150622235736

Wow, where to begin?

"The world doesn't understand me." Oh no,  the poor misunderstood protagonist. Is he going to turn out to be a super-strengthed murder?

"They think I’m a monster, and that my work is grotesque and horrific."

Yep, totally about to be a super-strengthed psycho.

"It is rather unfortunate how they struggle, scream, and cry. They don’t understand my work either. If they did, they would embrace the process, however unpleasant it may be."

I hope somebody picks up that phone....because I called it!!!!

"...you can learn quite a lot from having a job at a morgue."

Is this about to turn into Six Feet Under: The Lost Episode?

"I may sneak a few embalming supplies out from time to time..."

You work at a morgue, your victims are all perfectly preserved, some of your job's supplies are missing, and the cops haven't figured it out? Not exactly Batman-level detectives in your town.

"I usually find one of my darling lovelies over dating services on the internet. Many sad and lonely women out there have their beauty go unappreciated. I aim to change that with my work."

Is this a creepypasta or part of Elliot Rodger's manifesto. Even on the creepypasta wiki, we still can't dodge the Rodge.

"Isn’t the suffering existence in a world of constant turmoil a small price to pay for every woman’s dream?"

Wait, the "suffering existence" is the price to pay? Then why are you killing them? Why didn't the author proofread?

"Anyway, there are a lot of uninteresting details about the process"

I'll actually give the author kudos on this. He could have used this as an opportunity to toss in a bunch of needless gore to compensate for lack of scariness (like so many creepypasta do), but didn't.

" I clean and dress them up to the best of my ability, and lay them in a field or a garden." " Recently, it seems my work has garnered the attention of the police and local news. They’re calling me 'The Embalmer'."

Once again, if you're going to write in a serial killer, there has to be a clever way that they get away with their murders. This is just poor police work. Who are the cops in this town, the Reno 911! crew?

And Chapter 2 just gets worse....

"They see me as an object, a prize to be won in some misguided competition of masculinity."

Oh god, generic feminist bitching here. Look, if men weren't sexually driven, there wouldn't be anyone left on the planet.

"...but I could at least ignore those Neanderthals and they usually go away after a while."

Once again, I'm pretty sure Elliot Rodger wrote this creepypasta.

"The real animals are the ones who seek out weaker prey and think they can do whatever they please and they’ll get away with it. Those are the kind of men that inspired me to start fighting back."

What's this?!?! FEMINIST is evolving!!!! FEMINIST has evolved into FEMINAZI!!!!

" It helps my case if I go in looking reluctant, like a lost college girl whose sorority dared her to buy them beer. The most difficult part is finding a balance between timid and sexy in what I wear."

I don't know where the author is from, but I've NEVER seen dudes in a bar approach timid chicks. I spent a year and a half going to a bar every night and NEVER approached timid chicks. Dudes go for the "WOOOOOO! girls" if they're at a bar.

"I use very minimal makeup and a pair of thick eyeglasses that makes me look more like a bookworm."

No dude at a bar is trying to pick up smart chicks. Has the author ever been to a bar?

"Usually, I’ll have a glass of not very fine wine and a man will approach offering to buy me another."

NO...THEY...WON'T!!! This confirms it: the author has never been to a bar in his life. I'm pretty sure the only knowledge he has of bars is what he saw in movies. You know the chick doing jager bombs and dancing on tables? THAT'S the chick who is going to get more drinks bought for her. The chick who makes out with one of her friends on a dare? THAT'S the chick who is going to get drinks bought for her. No dude in his right mind is going to buy drinks for the quite, creepy chick who is drinking wine.

" He’ll usually be drinking a beer, though the older ones tend to go for whiskey and scotch."

Once again, I've never seen anyone drink scotch at a bar. And you can't tell what kind of whiskey? Is it Crown & coke, Jack & coke? Once again, actually go to a bar before you write about one in a story.

" I quickly drag him to his car or truck and take out his wallet. I take whatever cash is in there..."

If you somebody appears to be over the limit, the bouncer will usually walk them out and make sure they have a ride. In my home state of Texas, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commision (TABC) revokes alcohol serving licenses left and right if bars don't take these extra precautions. Once again, research before you write.

"I tell him that we had drunken sex the night before, and that I was a virgin before that."

There tends to be bleeding when you lose your virginity. So, not only has the author never been to a bar, but also has never had sex. How many fedoras does the author own?

"... this is a test that most of these selfish, shallow man-children consistently fail."

I think being this bitter about dudes who are actually getting laid is a little bit childish. Once again, this is really starting to sound like Elliot Rodger's manifesto. I would also like to bring up the point: HOW DOES A GUY TRYING TO MAKE MOVES ON YOU AT A BAR AUTOMATICALLY MAKE HIM A RAPIST?!?!?! And also, did it ever occur to the author that maybe the girls at dive bars are DTF? If they were looking for somebody to listen to them and respect their minds, they would be anywhere but a bar.

"I rid the world of the lecherous, misogynistic mouth-breathers that would steal a young girl’s innocence and refuse to take responsibility for the consequences."

Innocence? You're trying to protect the innocence of girls at dive bars? I don't have enough hands to facepalm with.

"I decide I must approach her, and ensure that none of these vermin get to her."

Oh dear god, the author even has whiteknighting in the inner monologues.

"I tell her she’s far too beautiful to be in a den of debauchery where such beauty will undoubtedly go unappreciated."

You're lucky that you approached Jane the Killer Lite, because any other girl in this bar would probably laugh at you and give you the address of your local bear bar (I doubt the author even knows what that is) if you talked like that.

" I also warn her, though not with intent to frighten, that she should proceed cautiously with so many womanizing scoundrels about."

Fear not, ye fair maiden! I will protect you from these troglodytes, m'lady! *tips fedora*

"Then again, if that happened, these barroom troglodytes would be all over her."

Holy shit, he actually did call them troglodytes!!!! Oh god, my sides!!!! XD

" She’s had a few glasses of wine after all, and is in no state to drive."

After three glasses of wine? Although, granted, I don't know how big a wine glass at a dive bar is. Hell, nobody in my town know how big a wine glass is at a dive bar because NOBODY ORDERS WINE AT A DIVE BAR!!!!

"She asks me why I haven’t tried to make a move on her. I tell her I admire her beauty far too much to take advantage of her drunken state."

Wow, this guy must be the biggest beta-male ever. I bet he had to quickly hide his My Little Pony stuff and his waifu pillow before he put her to bed.

"Then again, if I were wearing a sexy dress, this creep probably wouldn’t have the balls to approach me."

Geez, even the feminazi protagonist is aware of how much of a beta the male protagonist is.

(End commentary)

So, my closing thoughts? Not the worst creepypasta I've read, but definitely not a very good one. I came upon this by hitting the "random page" button, and really kinda wish I didn't. I looked at SinisterSilver's account, and it turns out that the author is, indeed, a guy. If he is under the age of 21, then this is proof that the Creepypasta Wiki needs to add an age requirement before allowing people to post stories on it. If he is over 21, then I feel that this story is just his way of getting out his frustrations about women choosing guys that aren't him. Maybe he did go to a bar one time, tried to pick up one girl, got shot down, watched in anger as she left with on of those "neanderthals", and never tried again.

Anyway, 2/10 only because you took the high road on not littering this story with gore. If you're going to write Jeff vs. Jane: Fedora/Feminazi edition, do homework on how police departments work and actually go to bars more before you write about them.