Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26901754-20150819155057/@comment-26908800-20150820182903

Interesting story and well executed, but (I know we all hate that) it does need another read through. To clean up and make reading it more smooth, take a break, come back to it and remove unnecessary words.

Example: Original, "The Captain left the room, went down the corridor and walked past the secured door that served as the exit from the bridge of the ship, which looked as secure and firm as it had been 50 years ago when he had locked it."

Revised, "The Captain left the room, going [switch to a participle less complication of action] down the corridor, walking [see above] past the secured door. The exit from the bridge of the ship looked as secure and firm as it had been 50 years ago when he locked it."

See how that is smoother reading? One of the biggest hang ups in writing is we all tend to write how we speak. But being a reader is different from being a listener. Since speaking is ephemeral we salt our language with refrences to previous things we said. But that isn't needed in reading and writing.