Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24957984-20140610203304/@comment-24821182-20140611184232

Much better. I've noticed just a few more errors, and if you correct these, I think the story is ready to be an article:

"I finally reach my houses' door..." should be "I finally reach my house's door..."

''"“Come on, guys, we’re almost done! Just keep going for a while!” the main dancer warned." in this sentence, warned should be changed to warns'', as the it's still present tense.

"Afer a few minutes later..." should be changed to either "After a few minutes..." or "A few minutes later..."

Anyway, once you've corrected these things, I think you should try posting it as an article.