Talk:Date Night/@comment-5733573-20180830014459/@comment-5733573-20180830175406

The execution is better, but honestly the bit in the middle is still a sticking point. Stories that rely on chance, the way this one does, are just inherently weaker. It just adds too many steps in between the setup and the payoff.

There are still a few awkward sentences that could use some smoothing, so I suggest reading this out loud to yourself and seeing where you can clean things up.