Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31073921-20170424125655/@comment-32461413-20170710231200

This story was certainly violent. Nice work. If this is only part one and is filled with this much bloodshed, I could just about imagine the rest.

Generally I think you're pretty good with the plot so far. My only question (which may or may not be answered later in the story) is what the motive is to pillage the village. I see hints of looting, hints of just for sport, but not a really definitive answer. But then again, it could be something addressed later. Keep that in mind if that question isn't answered.

The dialouge needs to be separated out; when two characters speak, their dialouge is usually not all contained in the same paragraph. This just makes following the story easier as we know who is talking.

I noticed a tense issue: "He lifts up their head one last time, and smiled (smiles) at him with his green teeth." Since this is in the present tense, make sure that everything that needs to be changed is.

Some places have a comma where they shouldn't be. Reread the story while paying close attention to the commas and remove them where a pause is not needed.

I noticed you used the phrase "must of" instead of "must have." Keep that in mind.

Otherwise you have a pretty unsettling story. Keep at it. It's pretty gruesome.