User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: Angry Sylvester

What happened to the lost episode stories? They used to be so good. There was "1999", and "Candle Cove", and hell, even "Where the Bad Kids Go" (which is basically a "1999" rip-off). But now lost episode is synonymous with crap. So, what happened?

Honestly, I personally think it has to do with "Squidward's Suicide" and "Dead Bart." After those two stories, everyone tried mimicking them. That's why so many lost episode stories are basically dark and gory versions of childhood TV shows. (By the way, how come there are so many rip-offs of crappy stories, but very few of good stories? "Jeff the Killer" spinoffs and the aforementioned lost episode stories are a dime a dozen, but there are very "1999" or Slender Man rip-offs. The only rip-off of Slendy I know is Hollow Man. But I digress) Now, why am I bringing this up? Because it bothers me and it's because of what I'm Riffing: "Angry Sylvester."

Now, the way I came across this story is kind of interesting: someone wrote that they like "Jeff the Killer", and that this was their least favorite Creepypasta story. I checked it out because I could always use a new Riff, and realized that this would make a good Riff. So, let's get our "Uh-oh" signs, and Riff this bitch.

I'm pretty sure that a lot of you remember watching Looney Tunes as a kid. ''I remember that, and also being held above a pit of knives while wearing a chicken costume. I had a weird childhood.'' So do I! And my favorite character was Sylvester the cat. ''I personally prefer Bugs Bunny. He’s the ultimate smartass.'' Until one night back in the summer of 1998. “That night, I realized how annoying ‘Sufferin’ succostash’ sounded.” I saw an episode that rather frightened me. ''So it’s going to be this kind of story. Lovely.'' But since the cartoon played at late night, when I should've already gotten to bed, I was half asleep, so I only remembered parts of it, like a creepy TV in Sylvester's room, that turned on all by itself. I thought, maybe it was just a nightmare. That’s what I hope the whole chicken costume thing was. Sadly, it wasn't...

One year later...

The next summer, me and my brother were bored on an afternoon, so we decided to watch some TV. “Of course, there was nothing on.” We flicked to Cartoon Network, just in time when Looney Tunes was starting. It played two normal episodes of Sylvester, nothing special, except for one thing... “It was actually the Looney Tunes Show.” when the second part was coming to its end, me and my brother felt like something wasn't right. We thought that it might show that certain episode once again. And it happened. ''You can feel when lost episodes come on? That’s kind of a useless superpower.''

Angry Sylvester 

The episode didn't have the same intro that most of the Looney Tunes cartoons had, neither the catchy title music. It just skipped right to the title screen. It didn't even fade, just switched right there. There was no title written on the screen, it just showed the living room of a house, and it looked like it was drawn entirely with only two colors: blood red and black as emptiness. “Black as emptiness” is actually a color Crayola uses. There wasn't any music there either. The only sound that could be heard during this part was a woman saying "Directed by...". Directed by who? The creepy thing about it was that it was in our country's native language, Hungarian, and this happened way before CN started broadcasting in our country's native language. Is the fact that you’re Hungarian important? And it sounded like if the announcer was strangled by somebody. Wow, the story is so bad that’s it trying to kill the announcer rather than have the story continue. Then, the episode started. Apparently it failed.

Once again, it didn't fade to the beginning, just switched right there. It showed Sylvester, standing in front of something, that looked like a military base. I knew the Looney Tunes were housed in Area 51. There wasn't any music or sound here either, just dead silence. Sylvester also didn't look like he did in the other cartoons. “For one thing, he was wearing a bra.” He looked bruised and badly beaten and his eyes had no pupils. Sylvester has Youngbloods disease? He didn't say anything, he just looked really angry. In the next scene, he entered the military base. It was empty, no guards or soldiers were there. But Sylvester still entered, and he wanted to get revenge on the people for what they did to him. Wait, how does he know that people did something to Sylvester? So he decided to sabotage the military base by destroying all the lights hanging from the ceiling. “It’s lights out for you!” he yelled. This scene also looked very disturbing. While Sylvester was tearing down the lights, his claws grew to a ridiculous size, and they were covered in blood and oil. Ugh. The only sound that could be heard during this scene was the sound of sparking electricity, which also sounded very loud and frighteningly realistic. The scene also was flashing rapidly, making it look even more scary, and also dangerous to people who suffer from epilepsy. Apparently Sylvester hates epileptic people. This same scene also repeated itself 10 times until it cut to the next scene.

In the next scene, Sylvester was at home. However, Granny, Tweety or Hector were nowhere to be found. “Instead, there were a lot of prostitutes.” He was all alone. His room also looked empty and scary. The floor was blood red and the walls looked like if they were on fire. For once, I’d like to see a lost episode story where things are blue or yellow, not red. The room contained two tables: a large one that had something that looked like a toy Dalek I hope the Dalek exterminates this story. and a screwdriver Was it a sonic one? on it, and a smaller one that had an ancient TV on it. There was also a window in the background. But its beams were misaligned, so it looked like an inverted crucifix, “Inverted Crucifix” sounds like a band also outside it was just pitch black, not if it was like night outside, but like if there was literally no existence outside that window. So Sylvester proceeded to repair his toy Dalek with the screwdriver, ''I guess it is a sonic screwdriver. And speaking of Doctor Who, I thought of the best Doctor Who pickup line ever: “Are you Rose Tyler, because I” (I am going to get so much hate for that.)'' when suddenly the TV on the smaller table behind him turned on by itself. The TV showed an extremely creepy cartoon. ''A creepy cartoon within a creepy cartoon? It’s Creepy Cartoonception! (BWHAAAM) The background music sounded like somebody was randomly banging an electric guitar, Slash’s early years'' and the recording was reversed and played back that way. ''Wow, the music in a lost episode story is reversed. How original.'' It started by showing a forest with a cartoony moon above it with an extremely creepy look on its face. A few seconds later, it switched to a long room. The room was empty, but something could be heard lurking at the end of the room, and it made a really creepy metallic thumping sound with every step it made. Every move you make, every step you make, you make some metallic noise. A few seconds later, it switched to the other end of the room. Porky Pig was standing there, also looking angry, and he was holding a pistol in his hand, but he didn't look bruised like Sylvester did. He said something to the monster at the other end of the room, then fired his gun a few times. “THAT’S ALL, MOTHERFUCKER!” After that, it went static, and a few seconds later, a really loud bang was heard and the screen faded to red. A few seconds later, the red screen faded back to Sylvester in his room, standing next to a wreckage of his TV. He looked even more angry, even more bruised and his eyes were blood red this time. At least they aren’t hyper-realistic. The creepy of image of angry Sylvester Roll credits! stayed on the screen for about ten seconds, then it just went black... About half a minute later, Cartoon Network came back, with a normal "Coming up next..." screen. ''Th-th-th-that’s all, folks! Thank the Preservers.''

END RIFF

This story is crap. It's clichéd, it's stupid, and parts of it are completely unnecessary. No, seriously, that entire first part where the person thought the episode was a nightmare? Not needed. It could've just cut to the guy and his brother watching the episode. Also, what was with the Dalek? What did that have to do with anything? And why was it there? And why a Dalek, of all things? Why not one of the Borg? Or a Darth Vader helmet? Or a Cylon? I'm sorry, that was just such a random thing to add. Oh well, at least I got to use the Doctor Who pickup line that's bound to make so many people hate me. Honestly, there's not much to say about this story outside of "It sucks" and "Why the hell were some things in this story?"

So, what do you guys think? Was the story good? Was the Riff good? Do you wish a Dalek fixed by Sylvester would exterminate me? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.