Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25048323-20140611191724/@comment-24918243-20140611211726

Lots of grammar errors...

First thing you have to do is fix those paragraphs.

You should change paragraphs whenever there is someone else speaks. You should also capitalize the beginning of every sentence.

But besides all that, the story has almost no rhyme or reason. Supposedly all of this happened after she bought a hat. What did the hat look like? Where did she buy it? Why was it cursed?

The characters also are paper thin, and do not sound believable at all. The cops especially do not act or talk like real or believable cops. And the girl dying laughing was, pardon the pun, laughable.

Then there is the killer. There is no background about him, why he is linked to the hat and the description you gave of him make him sound like a mixture between Abraham Lincoln, Freddy Kreugar and Inspector Gadget.

Not to mention there seems to be no point in this story but to give gory descriptions of how the victims are killed. In other words, extremely cliche.

I'd say develop the story more, develop the characters more and do some proofreading. If you post it like this it will be just another badly written splatterfest that will get delete as soon as an admin sees it.