Talk:Drowning/@comment-21086298-20140509090017

This was allright. It starts out with the typical "wake up in a room with no memory" opening like one of those flash adventure games, but I like the twist that something else kills him instead of having him slowly go insane and commit suicide.

A few questions, though:  Where did the air go? If there's a box who's only opening is on the bottom, and that opening is being used to fill the box with water, then there would have to be an opening on the top of the box for the air to get out. You refer to the air getting obliterated, but mater can't just be destroyed like that. Also, where is the light coming from? Why are there spinning blades underneath the drain that prevents access to a path that he knows wouldn't be a means of escape anyway? It feels like you were just throwing in features because you wanted it to overkill him some more. While you're at it, why not set the water on fire, then electrocute the box, throw in some fire-proof, electricity-proof pirahannah, and have the walls sprout spikes and close in on him all while the box crosses the event horizon of a black hole?

5/10.  I would rate it higher, but the tone got in the way. Just like in Airborne, you sound like a sports announcer giving a play-by-play of the story's antagonist (the environment this time) killing the main character. Not only did you give the main character no real charactarization or story (standard for in the "wake up in a metal box with amnesia" formula), but you also sound like you're bragging about how well your metal box killed the main character. If you don't assign any value to the main character's life, why should I?