Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27008899-20151010181719/@comment-25941663-20151010201819

First and foremost, you should be more careful with grammar/punctuation/etc. In the last sentence, for example, you forgot to capitalize. In your second sentence, you forgot an apostrophe (you wrote cant instead of can't). These issues can sometimes really bring down a story, especially if it's a short one.

Apart from those technical issues, the story was nicely written. You used some good imagery and the wording was mostly spot on and colourful.

The problem with the story though is that it's just not interesting. It's kinda bland and generic as an idea. I suggest next time you try something different with a stronger plot.

To help with that, you can start reading a bit more. Take a look at Suggested Reading. There are a ton of good stories over there.

Hope this helped, keep it up.