Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25181957-20140721133443/@comment-24304936-20140721150918

First of all, the needless spacing between paragraphs is pointless. Second, you need to change paragraphs when the characters' dialogue changes. Third, you have some run-on sentences and awkward phrasing. For example:

"Then came her neighborhood, it had a very good reputation because it has a little crime."

That is a run-on sentence coupled with bad phrasing. I still wouldn't want to move to that neighborhood simply because of the letter "a" before the word "little".

Lastly, the story is quite unbelievable and just not scary at all.