Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24709587-20140320015756

This is my first time attempting anything in the horror genre, I'm not sure I did too well. However, I'd like some feedback on it before I attempt to post it as a legit CreepyPasta. Sorry if I did anything wrong about a forum thread, its my first time on a wikia.

Marley was a strange kid. She often told scary stories to her older siblings, scary stories that seemed unnatural that a ten year old to have. She could even scare her own father, who was deemed impossible to scare.

She got into your brain, she took control of your thoughts and made them completely think of the story and only the story. The way she spoke it stuck in their minds, for weeks. She spoke sadistically, a wicked smile on her face at all time.

Marley enjoyed scaring people. She also enjoyed murder movies, but that was a whole other story. It got to the point that she was deemed insane, and her family had to move her into a clinic.

Marley didn't like that.

She was very much loved by her parents, even if she was dubbed 'insane'. Her parents would visit her every evening before dinner. Whenever they stopped by, she would continue to tell them stories, scary stories as usual.

She had many different kinds of stories. It varied between murder stories, stalking stories, and sometimes there was the rare ghost stories.

Marley was a happy kid. Even if she was locked away in a cell where she had no access to anything, she would smile away. Her parents figured she was getting the right therapy.

Each and every day, she would tell less and less stories. She often told her mother how happy she was with her new friend. For a straight week, it was my friend this and my friend that. It got the point where Marley's mother questioned it.

"Marley's friend is a wonderful friend," Marley had whispered, "Marley's friend is always by her side. Marley's friend is even there when Marley is sleeping. Marley's friend stops all the bully grown ups."

Her mother had left that evening, feeling that she was missing something.

The following morning, the clinic had called Marley's family. She was in a poor health condition, and had to the be transported to a hospital immediately.

When her family finally arrived to her hospital bed, she was notably quiet. She did not speak a word of her friend. It worried her mother that perhaps Marley's friend had done this to her.

While the father was speaking to the doctor, Marley's mother was at her side. She had several questions to ask, the friend incidence had gotten to her.

"Marley, dear," Her mother had asked, "Are you okay? Did your friend do this to you?"

Marley had turned her head to look her mother directly in the eye. The wicked smile crossed her face as if nothing was wrong once again.

"No, mommy," She had answered, "I'm not okay, mommy. Marley's friend went down Marley's throat. Marley started choking on her friend. Marley's heart started to hurt, too. Marley's friend is in Marley's tummy, mommy."

Marley's mother wasn't sure how to react to her daughter's strange words. She had thought that Marley was getting better, but that happened to be wrong.

"You are your friend, Marley?" Her mother asked, hysteric now, "Why would you eat your friend, Marley? You're not a monster..."

Marley sat up from her hospital bed, eye the open door. Her facial expression twisted into that of something wicked. Her mother clutched on the litle girl's bed sheets, her body shivering in silent fear.

"Marley's friend tasted good." Marley laughed, "Marley wants more, momma."

The hospital door closed, a loud slam echoing in its wake. At this point, Marley's mother had let out a scream, standing up. The door hand jiggled, repetitively, sounds of the doctors and Marley's father were calling her name.

Marley stood on her mattress, breathing in a strange fashion. The heart-monitor flatlined. Marley slowly, creepily shuffled toward her Mother.

Her movements were slow, leery. They were paintstakingly slow, so slow that her mother had shrunk into the corner in fear.

"Momma, Jesus didn't let me enter his Kingdom," Marley whispered, "But the funny thing is, momma, Lucifer didn't let me in his either."

The various doctors had finally gotten the room door open. Marley's father collapsed onto his knees, staring at the blank walls.

The body of his wife, missing her heart and fingers laid on the ground. Her face showed just how much fear was remaining.

To make matters worse, his beloved daughter had disappeared.

~ 