Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29723173-20160822132844/@comment-28266772-20160822144137

I was a in a search and rescue ops five to ten years ago.During this time,I encountered pretty creepy stuff such as dead dogs and writings [eh?] tracking our team. '[Okay well first major issue is you need to put a space after each piece of punctuation. You also need to a bit clearer with the ‘search and rescue ops’ because a lot of things involve search and rescue e.g. coastguard, military, forestry service, volunteers etc.]'

Nothing killed my mood to go out though '[this idiom feels out of place. ‘killing the mood’ refers to a momentary thing. Like sex. Not a career choice],as this job was a dream come true.I work [worked] on the outskirts of town and where this is located,allot [a lot] of forest ground [forestry] reside [resides]'. [there are probably easier ways to say “I live on the outskirts of town by a large forest”] There are a few calls which are eerie to say the least.Some examples are when I got called in to find a girl that went missing a few days ago. '[your story starts by saying this guy’s job was five/ten years ago. Why is he talking like it all happened a few days ago? You need to clear this up.] Why the parents called so late is not to my knowledge, [‘I don’t know why the parents called so late’ is much easier to write and read than this] but they were probably waiting for her to return after a day or so.Well we found her,in a creek covered in mucus of what seems like her own [the wording here is awkward, although the idea itself is pretty cool]'.Pretty disgusting.

Another call deployed me in another [repetition] state where an officer went missing in a forest [we know it’s in a forest – it’s the guy’s job].We found his body hanged up [get rid of ‘up’] in a tree around 5 meters or so [off the ground].With this came popping up theorists that came out with crazy conclusions. [none of this wording feels right] We dismissed them and went along as usual.

Although this may not faze me but will to you this might seem super creepy and eerie. [Reading this I’m not sure your English skills are good enough to be writing fiction] But nothing,and nothing [no need to repeat] will come close to creeping me out as close as this [following] one did.

We were deployed near our base where allegedly [why allegedly?] a girl went missing a few hours ago.Our dogs tracked her scent for hours as we followed.But [no need for this to be a separate sentence] nothing came of it.We eventually gave it a rest and another team was sent out.What they found was horrific and will [be] forever embed [embedded] in my mind.The girl was found not near a creek or a cabin,but near a hole where she was hung upside down.When they examined her,they found that her tongue had been cut off and her eyes were gouged out.I'm not sure if this hit the news but if i'm correct,it hit local news but [just] not global.Everybody was pretty horrified after this and all the parents in the state or others did not let thier [their] children out in fear of this occuring [occurring] to them.We were pretty bored for around a week or so and everything returned to normal after that. [this sentence ruins your flow]

One day we got deployed at an area well known for disappearances.But nothing was horrific in that area though [what?].As of now,57 calls have come in from this area and all of them are either found unscathed or found with no memory of ever disappearing.For this call,a woman presumably went out of her house without any of her gear which helped her with her disability which included a walking stick.The dogs found her scent out in the open and we were fast to track her down.She was..laying down beside a tree as if she was sleeping.We woke her up and asked what happened and she replied



"Why are you people in my house?"

Our team was pretty confused and one of us asked

"Why did you wander out?"

Now keep in mind that she needs her walking stick to even stand up let alone venture deep into a forest.

Before she could even answer,a member of our team called out to me and said

"Check this out"

I had no idea what he was talking about so I went over where he was standing and left the lady with the other members.

When I stood where he did,I saw a tree and a number was carved onto it.It read "58" "This is the number of cases we have,do you think this means something?"

I for one, wasn't pretty loving the joke he pulled and told him

<p class="MsoNormal">"Do you think this is funny?"

<p class="MsoNormal">He replied

<p class="MsoNormal">"I swear I stumbled upon this when you guys were interviewing her"

<p class="MsoNormal">We returned to the team and they said that the lady told us she had no recollection of her ever waking up let alone venture into a forest.

<p class="MsoNormal">We didn't give another thought about it after we returned her to her home.

<p class="MsoNormal">Over the course of two weeks,two cases popped up at the same area and both were UNINJURED and had no RECOLLECTION of ever going out.We seriously thought somebody was pulling our leg and was annoyed by the childish attitude of one of our members.

<p class="MsoNormal">An addition to the factors above,the numbers 59 and 60 were carved onto some trees nearby.

<p class="MsoNormal">Just after the 60th case,we got a call from a man stating that his wife has gone missing.This is the same man that reported the lady with a walking stick not too long ago.After that,59 calls all from the same people who reported the missing person from that area called in stating the same thing.

<p class="MsoNormal">We rushed to the area and found all the 60 people tied up on individual trees.We quickly freed them and I was to stay behind to investigate.Suddenly,a tree branch falls on me,knocking me out cold.I wake up on a hospital bed.They said the test was complete.

<p class="MsoNormal">I smirked,knowing that this technology will control the world with illusions.

<p class="MsoNormal">I am a 60 year old man.

<p class="MsoNormal">I am on a land that will soon be controlled by mindless zombies.

<p class="MsoNormal">I am on a land

<p class="MsoNormal">Called the Place Of Tragedies

<p class="MsoNormal">-

<p class="MsoNormal">Erm, right. Okay. Well I can be kind or honest but not both so I’m going with the latter. You need to improve your English language skills. You need to focus on improving your ability to read and write English before attempting to write fiction, or you should write in your native tongue and publish on a wikia that caters to your own language. As it is though I can’t just make suggestions. Your writing is riddled with errors to the point of being beyond comprehension.