Talk:The Beautiful Girl/@comment-5733573-20180625053054

The idea is okay, but it's poorly executed and feels like an angry teenager wrote this in response to a real crush. It's all telling and now showing, and some of the writing just feels lazy. On top of this, almost none of the character's reactions are realistic. For instance, the girl would never in a million years react the way you wrote it at the end. If were a teenager and I had just been questioned by police about my dead boyfriend, the absolute last person I would want to talk to would be the guy who won't leave me alone in class (literally harrassment, by the way, and definitely borderline stalking) who just suddenly decided to be nosey. Also, the last line itself is something straight out of a soap opera. No one does that in real life.