Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26246705-20150327090405/@comment-25000365-20150328043315

I'm going to be completely frank: this story is terrible.

However, I'll give you the unique introduction. Not a lot of people live in synagogues. The second sentence shouldn't exist, though. You also have a pretty cool title.

But there is a lot very wrong with it. The most obvious issue is your grammar skills. I can't count how many sentences I had to reread just to understand what you meant. Be sure your writing flows smoothly by reading it out loud and seeing if it rolls off the tongue well.

The story itself, too, was a little dull. Write about something other than a hand grabbing you. If you do write about a being, make the being have interesting or unique properties and behaviors. Grabbing someone is not an interesting behavior. Be sure to describe the being more. And definitely don't write "I can't even begin to describe it." That's lazy writing.

And the ending. Just don't please. In my opinion (and seriously, I seem to be the only one with this opinion), if you can't write a twist ending that not even the most attentive reader can see coming, don't bother. I hate seeing a twist ending coming; it just kinda ruins the ending and sometimes the story.

Don't kick yourself too much, though. Every writer's first story is usually not great. You have some potential for a pretty unique story. You should really check out these things for more tips on how to write a good creepypasta.

Best of luck to you!