Talk:Became/@comment-28088262-20160122203809

Excellent piece! I particularly liked Clyde's inside thoughts and the rather depressing nostalgia-inducing flashback.

I agree with jay about the excess words though - e.g. 'in order to check his watch' the purpose clause isn't needed. 'and checked his watch' would do fine and make the story flow better.

Overall a sweet afternoon treat.