Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10319977-20151014231140/@comment-10319977-20151016134750

ColorlessAngelz wrote: Here are my attempts at upgrading "A Buffering Movie." I've decided to follow Grizzly and Likferd's advice and change the scream to something stronger. Just what that is, I'm not sure yet, so I'm going to offer several alternate versions, and I want all your input on what you think works the best so that this story can be saved.

The story:

"I sat down in front of my laptop and clicked play, resuming the horror movie as I put on my headphones. The _________ forcing its way into my ears caught me off guard as I set down my bowl of popcorn.

Only then did I realize the video was still buffering."

My current offers as to what can fill in the blank: 1. violent shriek 2. sound of a madman laughing 3. loud, dry wheezing 4. oddly descriptive death threat

Before I continue thinking of any more I want to make sure I'm on the right track with this fix. This pasta seems to be on the more approved side of the spectrum, so I don't want to risk altering too much of it. Feel free to tell me if any of my alterations worked better, or if I need to take this in another direction. I am still awaiting input on this, and since French is the only one to have offered a solution so far, what do you guys think of

"I sat down in front of my laptop and clicked play, resuming the horror movie as I put on my headphones. The loud, dry wheezing forcing its way into my ears caught me off guard as I set down my bowl of popcorn.

Only then did I realize the video was still buffering."

By the way vroom thank you for your input as well.