Talk:Locksmith/@comment-25290937-20140811092233/@comment-25286366-20140812004218

I liked this, it is much better quality than what I have been reading lately. Sounds nitpicky, but the first sentence is either a run-on or just very awkward. Also, in the last sentence of the first paragraph you should get rid of the exclamation point. Sounds weird, but it's much more dramatic that way and it is less cliche. The overall story is good, but the ending needs to state a little more clearly that the man that is showing up at his house is a locksmith (I hope I understood that right). Maybe add his outfit, and then reveal the logo on his shirt says the locksmith company he works for (Which is closed down, when he looks it up). As diction goes, I like the "average guy" tone, but if your going to add just one curse word (par 10) you should add more or get rid of it entirely (I suggest more).

Sorry for the long comment, and how nitpicky I was. I honestly liked your story.