Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25891880-20150112215719/@comment-25428589-20150112220841

I actually really enjoyed this, although I kind of saw the twist coming. Plot wise, the story is almost perfect in my eyes, although in my opinion it would have been scarier if the old man had been some kind of danger to the homeowners, ie a killer or rapist. However, that's just my point of view, and it would probably be quite clichéd if you, or anyone else, tried to write it like that.

Something I really liked was the way you call the residents of the house "mother and father" subtly referencing that there are kids living there who might be in danger, but not directly pointing it out. I realise you also talked about this earlier on, but the POV switch kind of made me forget about that. Executed very well.

Grammar wise, the story seems to be OK. You should change the numbers to words (eg: "1" becomes "one"), because it looks neater. Also, in the first paragraph, you start a very large number of sentences with "he", which can become boring after a while.

Overall, I would rate this 91%. Extremely well done, and something I would be happy to see on the main 'site.