Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25825682-20171229192845/@comment-26399604-20180226150835

Okie dokie, I'm back!

Sorry again for the long response time, but the longer I'm away from any story the more it feels like I'm reading it for the first time (I do it a lot when editing my own stories) and it helps with my reviews.

I will say I like the amendments made; I definitely think the story flows so much better.

I have to mention the paragraph that describes how they're both just silent -- I just really love that part! I could see the scene unfold in my head and feel uneasiness between the two as they tried to find their words. Such nice way to end that first convo.

I also loved the here-and-there encounters with the wiedergänger and even found myself grimacing at the scene where it shows the protagonist cough up the hair and water -- nice little disturbing scene. Just the thought alone makes me gag.

My only last gripe is in the first convo where I'm a little bit confused. In it, after Jordan asked what was wrong with protagonist, he gives a response, "That's not what I meant." I was a little confused as to the context of that. Also the response Jordan gave in the beginning of his, "Ah, I know," was a little confusing too (Everything following that seemed fine). It might've just went over my head, but it seemed like either something was missing or the two responses didn't really match-up.

Aside from that, I think you made all the necessary revisions. The story flows better with the added dialogue and doesn't seem too long or too short. I think the presence of wiedergänger is there enough times as well and it is definitely a disturbing being to have haunt you.