Talk:The Silent Sonata/@comment-4523370-20130928203005

This is very good for your first pasta. The only thing I could tell you is that there were a few confusing parts and you need to show not tell.

The confusing part was when you said at the beginning your mom had just died and said your dad had just told you then you said a man at the door said your mom had just died and you took it as a total surprise.. what? That was entirely confusing and almost made me stop reading because I figured the rest of the piece would be confusing rubbish.

Also I'd recommend using more descriptors and less "oh dear God". That is extremely cliche. If it was that horrifying then show how horrific it was. Show by describing your body's reaction to the fear, or just go into terrifying detail on how the creature looked.

As a bonus note. Not all people in asylums had some tragic thing happen to them that made them lose it. I've been in a psych ward many times because I have schizophrenia. No one did anything to me to make me have it, it just happened. The same with most of the other mental illnesses you see in an asylum. The only ones I can think of that are caused are PTSD and depression or anxiety. Keep that in mind. People don't just snap.