Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5697948-20140625061449/@comment-25074573-20140625163500

I like your story but phrasing in the beginning was killing me. I hop you dont take this as an insult and its probably an absolute no - go but I have tried to make the story more coherent and understandable. If you want, i delete this post. I myself am not the best at grammar but I do my best.

School in the distance

Sometimes on a clear day, when walking through the London suburbs you can spot a small school in the distance. You won't find this school on Google Maps or any site on the internet. But you get a chance of getting 10'000 pounds at the risk of your life.

Keep walking towards the school with your head down and dont look up. If you do you will find yourself surrounded by children laughing at you. Nobody will ever see you again as you will join them.

If you make it to the door, walk in and look up. There are three doors but only one contains the 10'000 pounds. One of them will kill you instantly but without pain. One of them leads to a small room with a chair and a horribly mutilated corpse. Pray that you dont open this door. Because you will hear childrens laughter and then fall asleep. You will wake up in that chair and will be tortured until your successor enters the room.

This school was once one of three schools in this town. But only one got the 10'000 pounds for proper security measures. One of them had its water poisoned and everybody died a painless death. And the last of them, the school I went to was attacked by psychopaths and every student was brutally murdered. Now the school only exists as a ghost of itself. Waiting for you.