Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33531395-20190913113020/@comment-33531395-20190914111304

BloodySpghetti wrote: You know, as much as closing yourself off from the world can be true to a depressed person. Literally not speaking to anyone for months on end is a bit exaggerated. Emma would have to tell her parents or a friend or someone that she needs time alone and then go off into her little rabbit hole. People would worry but not to the point of being mad at her when she makes her comeback.

Once you get the same add fifty five times from different sites you either start using add blocker or begin to think something is wrong with your internet provider.

"My name is JUST Katie" super suspecious... give her a last name. I wouldn't buy into a "Just Katie" being a psychologist I can trust.

Story goes nice and all, and then "why don't you kill him?" Ugh... what? We don't see the actual progress they've made so Im having a hard time to believe Katie could form a bond strong enough to make Emma kill anyone for her.

Also the "monster in the softwere" gig is rather bad when you don't give me a solid monster. What is Katie, why is it there, what drives it? I need to know to bother with caring. Thank you for your criticisms :) For your first point, I do agree that I may have over-exaggerated slightly, however I wanted to try and incorperate a realistic feel to the story. Perhaps if I toned down the over-dramaticness of it all, I think that bit would come off the way I intended it to.

What I wanted to do there was try and make it seem like the site is calling out to her, trying to grip her into falling for its trick, however I think I may have ignored logic in doing so.

Yes, now that I realise it, I should have given her a last name.

I also agree here as well, and I also think that if I fleshed out the character I was trying to paint for the main character as well as make the decision making a bit longer instead of fast forwarding, I may have achieved what I wanted.

As for the ending, I wanted to make it an open end, try to make the reader figure out what was reallly going on by themselves and have them put their own theories at play.

I sincerely thank you for your review, as it made also made me think about some stuff I could have done differently. I think i shall try to revise it slightly.