Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24881951-20140710043535/@comment-25558572-20140710093217

1. As stated above, it doesn't make sense that someone could write a story about themselves after their death. This would make a lot more sense if it was in third person instead of first.

2. While you are good with details here, there's really no story to speak of. It's one event exploded into two long paragraphs. There is no rising action, conflict, or resolution, just a hunk of climax. While that might work for a flash fiction or micropasta, a normal-length pasta will need all the necessary components of a short story to be accepted.

3. And while we're on details, let me tell you- they aren't really impressive all the time. Deatiled, overly long death/torture scenes that take up half a story only serve to weaken the rest of it and give the reader the impression that the author just wrote it for that scene. Death scenes can, and should, be dramatic, but no more protracted than any other part of the story.

Tone down the vocabulary and sentences a bit. Long words and sentences are usually only useful sparingly. (I'm guilty of overusing them... badly. ._. I learned the hard way.)