Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20191112005509/@comment-9041013-20191112011550

Das ist goed!

It's overall good. Don't have much to say about this, then again it's past 3AM so maybe I'm just too tired. I do have a small minor qualms with this however. Perhaps the word "supernatural" should be replaced with "alternative" or "unconventional". In the same tangent the "modern doctors" should be replaced with "conventional doctors."

Supernatural and modern make it sound a little less serious I guess, it felt less serious for me for sure.

As for phlegm, turns out phlegm is respiratory mucus that is not nasal mucus. So phlegm is sputum and it's form inside the body. The original term is apparently "a humour caused by heat" so you could just have the phlegm be heated sputum or snot (even though snot isn't phlegm but still... just to differentiate the actual bile from this).

Also, I suggest perhaps adding a little bit of a risk factor to the struggle against the pain caused by the pill. Maybe add something along the lines of the patient having to fight back the urge to pass out from the pain, and if they do pass out their heart will give out from the stress killing them. Because as it is it kind of sounds a wee bit too easy.

That's it, I think, yeah.