Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25151680-20140707231208/@comment-24694643-20140708003904

A few things I noticed:

1: The title of this thread. You don't hope you get good reviews, you look for criticism, take it, then learn from it. Then, you could possibly get good reviews.

2: A few cliches. First one is the anti virus saying that there is a threat, only to scan it showing nothing was there. Second, computer not being able to turn off. Third, computer saying your name, even though that is impossible. Fourth, her appearance itself was a cliche. Fifth, camera showing your room. And finally, hand coming out the screen trick. That's a fair amount of cliches for a story this size.

3: It's a butter flavoured sandwich. That's my way of saying that there isn't much depth. Add in more adjectives and descriptions.

4: Sudden change from past to present tense "A new feeling rushed through my body, fear; I have never felt fear until now."

Should be: "I had never experienced fear until that dreaded moment."

5: This is the big mishap: The story itself was cliche and non scary. The plot I have heard of a million times before, and there comes a time in this story (You're but alone, I've seen this done countless times) where it clearly must of been scary for the protagonist but it is just boring to read and makes it seem unrealistic. You should slowly build up the fear, and maybe, if you do it right, have a bombshell at the end. You shouldn't not make it scary at all then something at the very end which is attempting to be so frightening but really just causes sleep.

Hope this helps.