User blog comment:Magical Toddler/How JC-the-Hyena Should Have Wrote Sonic.Exe/@comment-25024572-20171009153747

Honestly, this is a lot better than the original version of the story, but that's not saying too much. Most things are. But I do think this is pretty good. The only issues seem to be that it's too much like "BEN Drowned" or "NES Godzilla" in some ways. You try to avoid cliches, and that's great. A big issue of the original story is its abundance of cliches and overused concepts. However, by making the story like those other two stories I mentioned, you're sort of falling into the cliche trap.

Perhaps change the story a bit so that the game is somewhat addictive. Have it start out normal, but as the game progresses it's different. Not scary or cliche or whatever, but cooler. A lot more fun. A game that's almost impossible to put down. The game ends up starting to dominate Tom's life. When he stops playing the game, bad things happen, but when he plays the game things feel so much better. The issues of his life don't matter as much because he just escape into this video game.

As time goes on his social and academic life declines, and whenever Tom's not playing the game he's kind of a wreck. This all comes to a head with Kyle, who confronts him about it. Kyle says that the game is taking over Tom's life, and Tom says that the game is his life at this point, or something along those lines.

Obviously this is a less than subtle reference to addiction, which gives this story something I think a lot of Creepypasta stories are missing: a theme or message.

Anyway, this story can end with Tom starting to realize that the game is taking over his life and trying to stop (but having some problems), or him not doing so and the game revealing that it houses some being that drains the lifeforce of players, and that his addiction is pretty much going to kill him.

This is just an idea from off the top of my head. It's not quite fully formed, but I think if expanded upon it could be decent.

Honestly, I give you kudos for making me reevaluate my stance on this story. I have a belief that in storytelling, there are no bad ideas, just poor execution. When I read "Sonic.exe" I had to make an exception to that rule. You made me realize that "Sonic.exe" could be good, or at least decent, and I thank you for that.