Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35165605-20180331190959/@comment-35165605-20180401003957

BloodySpghetti wrote: Well if you have no intention of changing it, then why am I even reviewing it? It's counter intuitive to ask for a review only to say "I shall ignore it anyway".

Anyhow, the biggest problem with your story isn't that it's slightly cliche'd with the whole mirror thing, but that it's rather lacking in plot. You've no meat in this story. The events happen way too fast and there are no details. So we get to know there's some malevolent being that drags people into a parallel universe, that's alright. I mean, we all face the notion that one day we'll die. Normal people accept that and carry on... It's the small detail's that make death freak us beyond any sense. When will it happen, how, hold long will I suffer, what are the circumstances that will lead to my death, and of course the fact that we cannot escape the lack of existence. Your story lacks all of these.

Knowing you're stalking is far scarier than being simply attacked, hence why the most iconic serial killers in movies walk ridiculously slowly or torment their victims for a long period of times (when said victims matter of course) to make us care about these characters through our expirience of their emotions. I cannot be empathetic to a character who gets virtually randomly snatched to another universe, I have nothing to make me care about it.

Also, if you've no kind of radio-electric connection in said mirror universe, how the fuck do you type this to us? I mean, it's obvious the hero is using the internet (it's a creepypasta and the year is 2018, let's stick to some reality). Making little sense is horrible to a story.

You've a lot of work to do on this one, mate.

Good luck

First of all thank you for the review I really appreciate it but there are a few things you did not consider. First of all I never said I had no intention to change it I only said I had no motivation meaning should a situation in which I must change it arise I will do so.

You also said the plot of the mirror was a bit cliche which surprises me. Most mirror creepypasta I read has the protagonist willingly summon a demon through the mirror which makes no sense. I guess you could blame it on curiosity but that is not a very good excuse. At least in my story the conflict is triggered accidentally. Also who says the Mirror Man wants the protagonist dead? If you read to the end you will discover that the protagonist kills himself and besides dragging the protagonist to the Mirror World the Mirror Man never directly harms him.

Might I also point out that the Mirror Man does stalk the protagonist. How would the Mirror Man know to answer the phone or appear in the fog unless he can always see you.

Lastly electronic devices do work in the Mirror World (case and point: the phones still work) it is just impossible to track time or location in there. And who is to say he did not write the story on paper. Before you say, “then how would it get on the internet”, you should consider that it is possible for objects from the Mirror World to appear in our world. If the Mirror Man can cross through why not a piece of paper. Before you say, “paper can not move”, remember that the Mirror Man can bring it through if he wants.

I personally thought you would point out that the Mirror Man has no motivation besides the protagonist breaking a mirror. I am working on some sort of backstory for the Mirror Man as his reasons for coming to our world are never explained.

Thanks for your review and please reply if you have any other questions.