Talk:The Collection

One thing I noticed about your story is that you commonly use "sewn". Sewn is the past tense of sew, for example "I remember when he brought in the torn clothes, and I had sewn them right there, I had nothing better to do" Pardon the uncreative answer. The right form is sew, which is in present tense. It does sound wrong, but I digress. Also, chlorophyll is what makes plants green, not what knocks people out, you're thinking of chloroform.

Later on you said you drained 25% of her blood, now without a bunch of edical equipment and a lot of time, it would be next to impossible to drain exactly 25%, so I think "roughly a quarter" is a better way to say it.

Now, we have this: " I put her in a chest and locked it. She got out, however, and tried to run away."

Unless this nine year old girl was a She-Hulk, there is no way she could have escaped (unless the lock was almost broken, which would make the most sense). Most men would have a lot of difficulty escaping from that, there is no way in hell a regular nine year old girl could.

And also, how would a regular man (or atleast, seemingly regular) get a dress that only a princess would wear? That makes no sense.

Finally, the little prolouge thing is a bit strange, first the man isn't the collector, and now he is, and is just gonna tell you about his killings? Where is he? Is he confessing before a death sentence? Or am "I" his next victim, and he just wants to tell "me" what he does so I can die slowly, terrified? I don't know how to fix that, so I'll leave it to you.

I hope you take what I said to mind, and have a good day.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. (talk) 01:04, August 7, 2013 (UTC)