Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26027963-20150402042451/@comment-25000365-20150403011231

Here's the deal: I like the idea of the story, but not how you've written it. You should check out the writer's workshop; it has some good tips on how to write.

But don't despair too much. You actually have a pretty solid introduction, and the idea is also pretty good. I think this would work better in a journal format, but do what you want. 5/10