Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10502460-20181206012011/@comment-35711173-20181206040443

Hi,

English:

You have errors that need fixing before putting it out. I will highlight just the first three I spotted. I know there's probably twenty such mistakes,

Double word error in "So what did did you think of the funeral, Davy my boy?"

I stopped counting the run-on sentences at a dozen. You might have twice that.

I can give you the generic writing advice, but you've seen my list. I'll chalk it up to your not having done a careful proof reading and editing.

Plot:

I like it. Very human, very horrible, very believable.

Overall:

Please edit this story carefully, and I think it will be something. Right now, it feels "loose." Make it so tight we scream. Safer, not "I wanted to send you to a unit in Cork where you would be more safe,"

Need a comma after 'silence' in "After a moment of silence David asked"