Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24381191-20140715135351/@comment-24381191-20140715205941

Mystreve wrote:

Sykokillah wrote:

Mystreve wrote:

Sykokillah wrote:

Mystreve wrote: Worldwide snow in summer. I like the idea. But, I'd like some more build-up on the "beasts" themselves. They really aren't very scary, to be honest. You introduce them too quick and it desensitized me for the rest of the story. They just kind of pop up and mutilate people? What's this have to do with all the snow? Meh.

I've always been a fan of writers who hint at something terrible, and "lovingly" paint just enough of a picture to leave a horrible thought in the reader's mind. Why not concoct a being, or beings, who are orchestrating this worldwide phenomenon just out of our sight, "behind the curtain"? Blood is fine, but give us some appetizers before serving the main course. Thanks for the feedback, can you give me some example on how to improve it. I just gave you a few... No, on how to give you "some appetizers" The stuff you said I can't incorporate because there's nothing like that in the original story (linked above). Ahh. This a a prequel. I think I missed that in your heading.

Well, I didn't read the original story, so I guess nix everything I just said. At face value however, you pile too much on too fast with any real build-up worth remembering. I'd suggest adding to the suspense a bit and fleshing it out. I can't tell you how to do that since this is your story. Anyway, I can tell you have writing talent, but you need more elements to really draw me in on what you wrote up there. Sure, thanks for the advice, I'll try to draw it out more.