Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25825682-20150202040754/@comment-25477067-20150204191630

I couldn't finish the entire thing because of the length. Honestly, I like long pastas, but this pasta seems to be unescessarily long. Try to slim down on the stuff. A lot of the things that occour make no sense overall and the bad dialogue breaks the tension and fals to convey emotion. The tenses and grammar needs work; I caught many,many problems in the dialogue and also some in the tenses of the writing.You tend to use big words that are not nescessary or suitable for the situations that you present. Some examples would be "time elapse" or "Alexander did not particularly indulge in gossip. " Fancy words the good story do not make. This needs more work to be presentable.