Talk:Ole' Broken Bones Pete/@comment-3541151-20150111225228

The story's has very strong points, and a majority of it is real good. A neat legend with neat characters. Even the ghost is, or was a sympathetic one. But the weak points, are very weak. Nice to mean in 3 2 1

Those same strong points are thrown away, they become inconsistencies! You should have tried harder with this story, it had some good ideas but ALL of them gt thrown away for a CLICHED ghost story ending!!! Did Penpal's throw away of effort inspire this? Cause it shows!

Charlie who was unique is abandoned. Joey the same. The ghost who you have the upmost sympathy for, keeps his legend status by being a clichéd monster. He couldn't have been different from rumors and actually been nice? Why not? He had all this sympathetic build up, in fact you wanna see him get justice on someone, but not innocent children!

The pedophile inconsistencies seemed as well placed as stuff from the room... Wait a minute... Why couldn't one of them be the fucking bad guy!

Yeah, THAT would have been much better, don't you think? They mention a perverted grandpa like he's going to come back, what if HE were the bad guy? You wouldn't see it coming, and the ghost could become the unlikely hero! That would be a MUCH better ending, and would have made this a much better story. The execution of this good idea is so badly drawn out that I can't possibly list it all in this Critique, in conclusion I'll say, It had good writing and suspense, good characters and good build up. But the paypoff, inconsistentcies and outcome ruin it all. It's half good, but that is still an F 5/10