Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25725945-20150103030354/@comment-25148755-20150106045936

Additionally there is a good amount of syntax issues you have here. The thing just doesn't flow. Now, I'm not generally a fan of this type of writing (sounds similar to the Asylum series honestly) but the character seems like she could be somewhat interesting. My suggestion would be to use this description as your author notes/reference and make a legit story with Night's Maiden. The hardest part with that will be fitting those things in while not revealing too much about the monster...unknown things are infinitely scarier than things that you know everything about.