Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26512885-20160101194723/@comment-26007602-20160101201921

Alright, while the story is well written enough for the character it's portraying, there's nothing really creepy or scary about it. You've got a good twist at the end, but this story just doesn't feel like a creepypasta. There's no tension or buildup, nor is there any real creepy atmosphere. A school shooter isn't inherently creepy, just sort of threatening.

I'm not saying this is a bad idea by any means, but there needs to be some kind of tension in the story, some idea that something is wrong, that there is a sense of danger. That tension would really help this become a scary story instead of a normal story. My point is, that a school shooter alone doesn't make a story creepy, there needs to be something more.

You've also got multiple punctuation and sentence fragment errors, but I'm confident you can iron those out in the next draft. The style works for the angsty shooter character (although it's a bit clichéd), and the word choice is sufficient. I think you can make a good creepypasta without too much more effort.