Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27916460-20160601221553/@comment-24101790-20160601224627

I'm sorry, but this doesn't meet the bare minimum quality standards for the site. Starting with the essentials mentioned in the story deletion message. A majority of your story is condensed into one large wall of text. You need to break paragraphs down into five-ten sentences and properly space dialogue. Additionally you need to properly use a space after punctuation and the next word. This: ".She sighed,walking up a sidewalk that led to a small brown house.The", " possible.She examined the ceiling,counting all the little cracks in the ceiling.About", " tools.She grinned,pulling out his hammer as she moved towards his study.She", etc. is not correct.

Capitalization: You tend to randomly capitalize words. "The Long (long) walked (sic) home seemed intense", "She grasped the straps of her backpack,Lowering her head', "Leslie’s mother,Elizabeth,Sat atop her bed drawing.", etc. You also forget to capitalize a number of sentences. " her.tip toeing up the stairs had been the hard part of returning from school.", "its time…”, " crazy!crazy I tell you!!”", etc. As you're using Looney Leslie as a title, it needs to be capitalized. "They called her looney Leslie.", "That’s how looney Leslie had become.", etc. "”Police say that the murder on boulevard (Boulevard) road (Road) "

Punctuation: Apostrophes missing from contractions and possessive words. "This girl(')s name was Leslie May.", "36 year old Robert may the girl(')s father.", "cringing at the news girls voice", "running her fingers down her daughters door", "her fathers closet pulling out his tools", "And thats how it began.", etc. You also leave out a lot of instances where commas are needed. "”when is he not mom it’s starting to get old.", "She was tired of seeing her mother stand there as her father hurt her killing her soul piece by piece.", etc.

Wording: You're=you are, your=possession. "What the hell do you think your (you're) doing", "He growled at the girl and then smirked.”You think your (you're) heaven’s angelic child?You’re the disgraced daughter that came out as a dud.”", "Leslie?!Your fucking crazy", etc. There are also a lot of instances of awkward wording here. "The Long walked home seemed intense.", "Yes sweetheart..he’s doing taxes.now why don’t you don't you (sic) get dressed and then come downstairs to have breakfast." "That’s how looney Leslie had become (a killer?).", ",ramming the hammer against his adams apple causing him to cough up a good amount.", etc.

Story issues: We no longer accept proxy stories as it violates our spinoff rules ("Under a telephone pole stood a tall man with no face.", "It felt as if she had turned the channel on a tv to the white static.", "he sat up,face to face with the white faced man she saw the night before she fainted.", etc.) and are generally lower quality than most stories. This is because most stories are vehicles for the OC/CPC rather than an involving story.

Story issues cont.: OC/CPC stories generally follow an overused trajectory. They focus on character's attire ("Under the white T-shirt she had an orange and black stripped shirt,so it only showed the sleeves matching the scarf that wrapped around her neck.") rather than who they are. They use tropes like cartoonishly abusive parents ("Her father had always been an angry man,pushing them around and abusing them all the time"), and bullies who are caricatures ("But the one people mostly picked on her for was her Ptsd."). The protagonist then snaps and murders people and a news report wraps up the story. ("She sat there and clicked on the news,cringing at the news girls voice.”Police say that the murder")

Story issues end: Besides the generic story, the story feels rushed, like it was written all at once and wasn't proof-read. The characters are one dimensional. Who exactly bullies a teenager for having PTSD? What parent abuses The news ending also really doesn't do a good job of concluding the story as the audience is already aware of all of these facts. Using the revelation that authorities now believe the killer is actually the killer seems incredibly anti-climactic. I'm sorry, but I really don't know if this can be salvaged. It's a really generic OC introduction story and the numerous errors really weigh the story down. I'm sorry if this isn't a comprehensive list, but there are a lot of issues here.