Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27654944-20160219083133/@comment-27697299-20160219094430

Well, to start off instead of what you did which is: I was home alone .My sister was sleeping over at a friend's house, my brother and father were staying in another city for the night, and my mother was at work for some important reason as her boss had told me.

You should put the full stop after the last word and no comma when finishing the list. just to show you: I was home alone. My sister was sleeping over at a friend's house, my brother and father were staying in another city for the night and my mother was at work for some important reason as her boss had told me.

The story sound's a bit rushed, but could be better. You could improve the ending a bit by extending it like the protagonist looking down and seeing the creature before ending it, or maybe making it talk before death. Other than that you might have to let other people look as I'm not an expert, I just pointed out some obvious stuff, anyway hope you finish it best of luck.

Kind Regards

Phil Raptor