Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24037587-20140908115601

I wrote a creepypasta story back in April that has received positive feedback and I even posted it on Deviantart but I would like to know before I post it on here if it would be good enough. The story is here -> http://ladymelodyuchiha.deviantart.com/art/It-s-Insanity-Now-444244140 Please give me some feedback. I want to become a great writer and this is my first finished story that I published online. 