Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24965033-20140930004600/@comment-24821182-20140930081601

The first part ends pretty abruptly; it was weird. I can't comment on the story itself, as you haven't posted it yet. I will say that the premise isn't terrifically unique. Anyway, you should proofread for grammtical errors, and there's a lot of awkward phrasing:

"...she would always never let me play..." should be "...she would never let me play..."

"...an insane serial killer that..." should be "...an insane serial killer who..."

"...I decided to see this urban legend for myself..." could probably be phrased differently, like "...I decided to see if there was any truth to this urban legend..."