Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32513491-20180630090649/@comment-35711173-20180630182542

Miss Jessica 10,

First, I think Bloody Spaghetti is correct. It is too much a haunted video game story and would be removed.

Second, Even if haunted video game stories were an accepted topic then this story needs a lot of work. I did a quick run through Grammarly and I got 49 spelling errors, 38 grammar errors, 40 punctuation errors, 3 conventions error and 284 "Premium Alerts" errors. That is WAY too many to have. Minimally, fix the free errors. I suggest pasting the story into www.grammarly.com one paragraph at a time to identify the Premium Alerts and work to eliminate most of the premium errors. I would attempt to get it to less than ten Premium Errors.

Third, Bloody Spaghetti is also correct with his evaluation of "unoriginal" and "meh level of execution." I won't comment on the story but the execution needs a lot of help. Learn how to edit MERCILESSLY. A lot of what is above doesn't drive the story forward. I would carefully pick it apart and take out every word that doesn't drive it forward.

Pasting your story into www.grammarly.com one paragraph at a time allows you to examine each word separately from the whole body. Do you really need it? Does the sentence drive the story forward? If not, edit it out.

Also, I would say that Colorado City or Douglas are definitely worse places in Arizona than Superior.