Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9041013-20180824132506/@comment-9041013-20180824222714

DrBobSmith wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote:

DrBobSmith wrote: Show, not tell. We are told everything. The first few paragraphs read like a sunmary report in a police investigation. "Just the facts, Ma'am. Just the facts."

Massive tightening needed.

Even I spotted spelling errors in a quick glance. You can't build everything... can you? but sure. You need to build well in the first few paragraphs for sure. If the person expects a police report after reading the first three paragraphs, that's all they will see. You have to nail them or you'll lose them. You aren't fitting well with long suspence building stories are you?