Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-11823370-20150525000410/@comment-25037895-20150525003420

Here's some issues I found:


 * Wording issues:
 * "George would always go out of his way to make sure it was out of harm's way."  Out of his way; out of harm's way. Sounds redundant.
 * "There was not a living soul who would knew him that would" Who would've known him...
 * "George was strolling through the park at midday. He always found it pleasant to stroll across" Redundant use of the word stroll
 * "realized he would feel guilt. He would feel guilt for every" Redundant use of the word guilt.
 * Trite phrases:
 * "sealed his fate"
 * "heart of gold"
 * Punctuation issue:
 * Single quotation marks (apostrophes) are not correct for speaking.
 * Spacing issue:
 * "what he wanted-his idea of a paradise"
 * "leave his position-he was the ruler"

Those are some issues early on, also the storyline is rather imaginative/whimsical whereas a man snaps his fingers to vanish, and takes them to a new world. There is no build-up for this character either. There are lacking sentences that I feel drag the story down:
 * "A movement under the shade of a tree caught his eye."
 * "When he was under the shade of the tree, he noticed that the figure was a man, or seemed like one."
 * "He looked at the tree, that damned tree, where this all began, and wished for one crazy moment that everything would go back to the way it was."
 * "Death had always seemed the biggest problem of humanity, but now that it came down to it, George realized that stopping it might cause more problems than it would solve."