Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25025941-20140605063731/@comment-24821182-20140605065340

The current version of the story does not meet our quality standards.

First of all, it reads like some kid's fantasy to become a supernatural being and inflict mayhem on his surroundings. The story was too short and had no build-up to the creepy stuff happening, which means there's no proper atmosphere established, and we don't know anything about what the characters were like before the incident.

Secondly, The fight scene is just, bad, and the main character has no response to becoming a skeleton. He uses his new-found powers to threaten his mom, despite there having been no foreshadowing to why he'd dislike her. Also, he can kill people in cold blood without remorse, despite having never taken a life before, and I really dislike that.

Thirdly, you use a lot of ellipses, and these are best used sparingly. Some of the phrasing is odd, "A skeleton was he..."

I think it needs some work.