Talk:Demeyes/@comment-24040907-20150118231031

I liked this one. It started out nicely, as an interesting sort of murder-mystery unraveled in the first and second acts. The third act (when Demeyes is locked in the dream-world) at first took me by surprise. A dream prison? However, you handled the drastic twist with such grace that you managed to suspend my disbelief long enough for me to enjoy your lovely descriptions of the dream-world. It reminds me of something I might’ve seen in my own dreams. Hmm…maybe I did let this guy go accidentally. In the end, everything wound down to a satisfying finish.



I usually like to add a section at the end of my reviews concerning grammar, in which I correct any spelling/grammatical errors. The only “errors” I found here were a few fragment sentences that actually ‘’added’’ effect to the story, so I suggest you don’t alter them.



However, the transfer from Hailey’s account back to the Narrators account was seamless. I actually thought that the rest of the story was Hailey utterly schooling the cops on Demeyes (a subject they’re probably already familiar with). Perhaps you should add another divider so that other readers will know when the interview ends and the narration begins. I did read this story when it was really, ‘’really’’ late, so maybe that’s why I missed it xD



I liked the song of Demeyes. I’d like to see it set to music, maybe as an add-on for the story. I can’t sing, though, so I’m pretty useless there.



Rating 6.15/10 Dem eyes, tho'