Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26705150-20150902190729/@comment-26705150-20150905020359

Oaura wrote: Alright, although you requested thoughts and opinions, I'm simply going to provide a modified version of the shorter review style I use (I added a 'My Personal Thoughts' section, though I would read it after 'Overview' if you have an easily hurt self-esteem/confidence). Let's begin shall we?

My Personal Thoughts

Overall, I couldn't really get into the story. Sure the story was different, but it felt like it was dragging on and on. The climax, having the creature taken away by an airship (possibly aliens), was something I did not see coming. This is not positive though, it completely ruined whatever little immersion I had before it. One aspect of the story that bugged me the most was the fact that absolutely nothing happens to the protagonist. Legitimately, the protagonist is inconsequential to the overall storyline and I found the lack of realism unattractive. This, overall, made your story hard to take seriously. The story was not creepy but held true to a few horror and sci-fi genre elements. I feel an overwhelming sense of low effort and thus it feels rushed, though this may be because you broke an unwritten law in short stories (see Overview below). The ending also made me cringe: "To this day, I’ve never seen any of it or anything like it again and I hope that I never do."

I have not read any of H.P Lovecraft's texts, and I don't judge anyone by how 'alike' their stories are to a particular text (unless it's plagiarism or JtK). But it definitely had that absurdist aspect to it (which was actually a strong point in this story).

Overview

The story was very basic. The description was limited. The grammar was not good, but not exactly the worst I've seen. Your story also moved way too fast. There's a little unwritten rule most authors follow in the short story business and it's that you never introduce too many characters and you never have a large time span. Your story spans over days and this makes the story appear rushed. What I would recommend (if you decide not to rework the entire plot) is describe things better than you are currently (and shorten that time span, most stories like this one occur over a day or two rather than how long this one went for). Describe your characters and settings better, develop your character. It may turn out to be a good story, it may not. It all depends on how you write it.

Anyway, that was my review. Everyone makes a few mistakes here and there but I know from experience that we all learn from our mistakes. It is because of this that I know you will be able to take what you've learnt here and generate a story to be proud of. I hope this review is of use to you and good luck with your writing! Yeah, I realized that this wasn't written well. But I think can change the plot entirely to make this much more interesting and hopefully less rushed.