Talk:Your Train Leaves Now/@comment-25949140-20150302200650

The underpinnings of some good pasta are in here, I think. Personal paranoia over an event most deem isolated or do not notice at all, leading up to a terrible nightmare fulfillment. That said, the piece definitely could use some trimming.

In a weird, contradictory twist, the disheveled nature of the story being told is both one of its strengths and one of its weaknesses. Reading along, I could feel the writers confusion and consternation. His mind is all over the place, so it makes sense that his narrative would be too. That said, it is a tripping point in that the reader ends up spinning a few circles to understand the continuity. It jumps from 1973 to 1974 and back a few times in an attempt to mimic his thought process and the events that previously occurred, and it was a bit jarring.

The last bit about the Ticket Man really comes out of nowhere, as well. The pasta is titled 'Your Train Leaves Now' but a train plays no role save for the association with a ticket man in the final lines. Combined with some rather confusing statements (ie 'Unless you are blinded by the mere fact that it's impossible to even grasp that you are alive.'), it made things a bit abrupt.

With some TLC, I think this could become a very worthy 'Mental Illness' pasta. A liberal amount of TLC.