User blog:MasterT95/Lying no more

Alright, I put up my first pasta. Now, I tried to refine it as much as possible, but I just couldn't find out what it needed so I gave up and posted what I had for critiqueing (that's probably spelled wrong). So please let me know what you all think. I love feedback. Thanks.

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Lying_No_More

And yes I know, I'm horrible at naming things. Hell, I had to download a name generator on my phone to come up with character names, too bad there's not one for short stories...