Talk:It's Just a Page/@comment-36627132-20180919180625

Spelling and grammar issues: This story is filled with grammar issues and awkward wording. You neglected to start a new paragraph when a different character speaks. You also neglected to capitalize many names throughout this story. "the 1950s" should be "In the 1950s". New England should be capitalized. "had 2 siblings" it is preferred you spell the number. "He went to a private christian school" Christian should be capitalized. "Just as he was to ask again" should be "Just as he was about to ask again". "the driveway of the parking lot." seems redundant. "he made his over to the phone and grabbed the phone" another redundancy. "'Hello?' David asked." That really isn't a question, even with the question mark. "Thoughts of what happened when he picked it up earlier, began to resurface" pointless comma there. "for a few seconds, before grabbing" another pointless comma. "sped walk up the stairs." "hurried up the stairs" would have been better. "David’s mother noticed his son’s pale face." David's mother is a man? "Your siblings and your father saw the phone on the floor. Not to mention you didn’t come out of your room for more than 4 hours" is awkwardly worded. "That made David feel better, but as he about to close his bedroom door he heard a ,'CRACK!'" There should be a period after better, and erase the word "but" also the comma before "CRACK!" is unnecessary. "'What in jesus’s name happened?!'" Jesus should be capitalized. "playing a joke on the neighborhood" should be something like "playing a joke on everyone in the neighborhood". "Jack’s turn around walked around the tree" What? Do you mean "Jack turned around and walked around the tree."?

Plot issues: "It was the week before thanksgiving, somewhere around 1956." Not only should Thanksgiving be capitalized, but also you should stick with a direct year rather than "somewhere around". "he heard the bus honk" buses don't honk, their horns do. "His parents had told David the day before that they working late for extra hard cash." Didn't earlier you say their mother had a "job that paid really well"? "as he placed his fingers in the number digits and began to rotate." So he's dialing random numbers? "David yelped and dropped the phone, nearly breaking it." Phones were actually more durable back then because we weren't buying cheap, imported plastic goods. The parents know there is something wrong but otherwise don't do anything about it. "He was in his bathrobe and fully clothed." Okay...? "was a tall figure and in front of him" As I suspected this turned out to be either Slenderman or a spinoff. And blood is coming towards him? What? The blood and the woman's body are just pointless violence.

The biggest plot issue is that it feels like a Slenderman story: the wooded area, the child being stalked, the tall figure. It feels as if you wrote a Slenderman story and cut his name out to get it past the no-Slenderman rule.

All in all I see "It's just a page" becoming "It's just a page in the deletion log."