Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26496972-20150307154733/@comment-25941663-20150307155839

You forgot to capitalize 'i' in "Whenever i'm about to have a birthday..."

"falling threw" should be "falling through"

You write " 'Hello there. Welcome.' then I woke up. " while you should write " 'Hello there. Welcome.' Then I woke up. " with a capitalized 't'.

You forgot an apostrophe on 'I wasnt happy' -> 'I wasn't happy'

You write 'I went to the store with my friends who I will not mention because they are not important to this story.' If the friends aren't important, you should have simply written: "I went to the store with my friends." Also, you should have said "a store" instead of "the store".

In the next sentence, you again confuse 'threw' with 'through'.

Towards the end you write: "with a red robe" while it should be: "wearing red robes."

I will review the story and plot itself below. This is getting too long.