Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26873355-20151122233343/@comment-24101790-20151124000301

Starting with the basics, here are some issues I found while reading through:

-"sooth my pain." should be soothe. (sooth is an archaic version for truth and soothe is the verb for easing pain/suffering.)

-"Things such as(colon missing before a list) awkward experiences they've had, what I was like when I was a baby... and my birth."

-"My mom explained to me that I have (had, as the brother is no longer alive.) an older brother who was stillborn at birth..."

-"A young, boyish voice, that seemed to say the word(comma) "Luke.""

-While ellipses are more of a stylistic choice, I prefer to relegate them to implying pauses in dialogue and omission of words. Using it in the narrative itself when you could use a period or comma seems to give the story a more melodramatic feel.

Story: I feel like some of the latter parts feel rushed and gloss over some opportunities for description. "Looking at them I noticed something strange; I asked my parents about it and that's when their attitudes changed completely." Describing the strange thing would give the readers a clear idea of what is happening. I also feel like a final interaction with Luke after learning this information would really bring home the overall tone of the story.

All in all it's an interesting read, but I feel like there can be a few more improvements that would make the story a bit more involving and emotional.