Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25150913-20140708185634

This is my first attempt at a pasta. It was deleted due to not meeting standards. I have revised it, and I am hoping for some input before submitting it. Any help is very much appreciated

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Erin Smiles

"Take out again," Erin thought, as she stood in line. She was waiting on her order, and the end to another chapter of her now muted existence. Her princess filled daydreams of a squandered youth flooded her mind. She had expected so much more from life. Yet, here she was again. The same place she can be found every Sunday, waiting for her pizza order to be ready.



The feigned happiness from the cashier, always, seemed a slight comfort to her. Although, she knew deep down it was just a mask. A mask worn by another disillusioned soul.



Through the fog of thought, she heard her husband speaking. Brian was asking if there was enough on the card to buy the pizza, and still afford smokes and beer. The sheer sound of his voice was enough to make her wish she had been born deaf. She forced a smile and nodded. It was just enough of an answer to keep him from saying anything more.



At one time, she had high hopes for her high school sweetheart. But, she had learned the hard way, that the saying, "The apple doesn’t  fall far from the tree," was true. Brian's father was a born loser, and so was he.

Erin forced a smile to her lips. All the while, longing for a day it would be genuine. As always, she finds making eye contact with the cashier impossible. With a bowed head, she hands over her debit card.

The smell of the pizza was lost in the smoke filled car. Erin rolled the window down to allow the smoke to escape. She began to daydream of a wreck. A wreck that would leave her a widow. But just as every Sunday before, the ride home was eventless.



Beer, pizza, and a conversation less night, that was what she knew lay in store for her. Brian slumped into his cigarette burned recliner. He was starting his nightly routine of sending her to the fridge, for one beer after another. While, the mind numbing sound of another football game droned on in the background.



After a few hours, the empty pizza box and beer cans surround the recliner. It was just about time to start helping Brian back to the bed, and start cleaning up his mess. Normally after putting him to bed, Erin would sit-up alone, and go over her list of things she had to do tomorrow.But, tonight her mind was elsewhere.



Her thoughts were drawn to what could have been. "If only I had waited for something more," she thought. Her longing for true happiness was starting to consume her thoughts. Her tear filled prayers tonight were pleas for death, that of Brian's or her own. Tonight she dreams of freedom and happiness. Waking from that peace to her daily horror, was almost more than she could bare.



<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">That night, after getting Brian into bed, Erin decided a soak in the tub might help ease her mind. The bathroom tile was cold, and the bathwater warm to the touch. It was no surprise that the soak brought her little comfort. Eyeing her razor, she wondered if she had the nerve to bleed out. The only thought stopping her was the uncertainty of oblivion, and not knowing if it would bring her happiness. All she knew was that she needed something to happen. Any experience that would bring her a new feeling. Slowly she slid the razor across her skin just above her left breast. The burning sensation from the cut was not what she had expected. She found beauty in the crimson flow trickling down her chest as it mixed with the water.

<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">

<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">She had finally felt something, a strange sense of control. The feeling left as quickly as it had come, leaving her alone with the burning sensation.

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<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">Erin wondered how to hide the cut, and what excuse she could give if it was discovered. She couldn't help but laugh at herself for thinking that Brian might notice it. He hadn't held her for months now, and with him passing out nightly it wouldn't be a problem to keep it hidden.

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<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">The next day, she found herself frequently pressing her fingers to the gash for a flash of pain. Days passed and the cuts were starting to become routine. Erin was starting to confuse the feelings of pain and control with happiness.

<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">

<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">Even though she loathed the man Brian had become, she still couldn't help but feel sorry for him. She wanted him to share in the new found joy she had discovered. As usual, she waited till Brian had passed out to put him in bed. But this night would be different. This night she would bring him happiness. A happiness that she knew only she could give him. He looked so lost and miserable lying there. Erin took the sheets and tied him to the bed. Almost skipping to the bathroom in excitement, she realized her razor would not do for this special night. She knew exactly what they needed. The knife from the dinning set Brian's mother had given them, as a wedding present.

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<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">Erin carefully lit candles to set the mood. The flickering candle light danced over the blade. She knew at once where to begin, above the left breast. The same place her journey had begun, days earlier. She thought it might take time for him to feel as she did. With the state he was currently in, she knew she would have to be patient with him.

<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">

<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">Erin slowly slid the blade across Brian's chest. She could see his face start to contort. She wasn't sure if this was a face of pleasure or pain. "Pleasure, yes it had to be pleasure," she thought. Brian's eyes opened wide. Erin heard what she thought was a distant cry.

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<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">His body writhed, pulling at the sheets. She knew he didn't understand yet. Erin pulled the blade across his thigh, the crimson flow started to pool. Again, she thought she heard a distant cry. Brian's face seemed to pull tight as his teeth gnashed together.

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<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman'">"His happiness must lie deeper." Erin thought. She thrust the blade into his stomach, searching for what she knew was hidden within. Finally, the cry she heard in the distance ceased. Brian's body arched, as he closed his eyes. The gnashing of his teeth fell silent. Erin gently wiped the tears from both their faces and smiling laid her head on his chest content with their new found happiness.

<p style="margin:0.0px0.0px0.0px0.0px;font:13.0px'TimesNewRoman';min-height:16.0px"> <ac_metadata title="My first pasta needing your help."> </ac_metadata>