Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-8674030-20140807022344/@comment-4832646-20140807200756

The dialogue is cheesy and the wording is generally. I am not getting an image of what is happening, and to be honest, it is a little confusing. There is no build-up - Everything is just crunched together and happening all at once. It needs fleshed out.

Plus, it seems a little too much like the Hunger Games. It needs to be a tad different. Also, explain how they accounted for the kids not wanting to fight. Where is that explanation? I didn't see it.

Also, these are teenagers, not military fighters. When they fight, it should seem a little longer and more like a scuffle for the sake of realism.

Also, it is incredibly mundane. It doesn't even seem to be an actual creepypasta.