Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26127491-20150220055556/@comment-26130727-20150221172017

I love the concept. Your spelling and grammar are good as well as the paragraph length.

I would consider changing the story a bit. I find it implausible that, for this child's entire life, he wasn't allowed to eat anything off his mom's plate or be in the kitchen when she cooked. Perhaps reimagine her as a professonal caterer who finally allows her son into the "family business." She runs a specialty business in catering human flesh to the rich and famous around the world.

I would drop the witch persona. Just keeping her a sweet, doting mom will up the creep factor tremendously, and her personality switching back and forth doesn't advance the story.

I would reflect on adjective use as you polish up your final draft. I've never seen gaping eyes, When you say "vast majority of friends," I think there are a hundred people showing up. In this case, you can use "the rest of my friends." Mom wouldn't have been confronting him while she was explaining what she did. Perhaps she was comforting him instead? Keeping Mom soft and sweet is a nice foil to the heinous acts she commits.

I hope this will be some help to you. Good luck with the rewrite and remember, the devil's in the details!