Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26296007-20150409211208

Hey, just looking for constructive criticism on this story. I really just want to improve it so I can post it. Thanks!



There is something seriously wrong with her.  That’s the first thought that goes through my mind on making eye contact with the girl. She sits in the corner of the room, strange golden eyes locked on me as she continues to attempt to remove the blue cloth identification bracelet from around her wrist. The way it is fastened, however, makes this impossible. Those eyes ! Golden, like a wolf’s. Unmoving. Just staring at me, staring through  me. I turn around. “I….I can’t deal with this one,” I say, not giving an explanation, just pushing past the guard. He starts to protest, but I’m already off, running down the hall. Something is wrong with her. Something is seriously wrong. I can’t pinpoint it, but there’s a certain…. darkness  about her. As I pass by the window, I am startled as she throws herself against it. In the five minutes that it took me to exit the building, she’s managed to injure herself. Her fingernails scrabble wildly against the glass, leaving streaks of red -- blood, by the looks of it -- all over the window. I can’t hear her, but I can see  her screaming, her face twisted in the agonized yell of her madness. She can’t get out…..right?

I still see her. I can’t sleep with the lights off anymore. I still see those wolflike eyes, glinting hungrily at me from the darkness. Hell, at this rate I’m going to end up in her place. Locked in a cell. Barred windows. Blue cloth identification bracelet.

<span style="font-size:15px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">In the asylum. <ac_metadata title="Help me make this better!"> </ac_metadata>