Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27582895-20170203080538/@comment-7064562-20170203170001

Ok, so you're inderocting characetrs not only poorly, but unneedly. The only time you should have many characeters or talk about them is if they are needed in the story, but the story has to be well, longer. The first 4ish parachgraphs are just about the characters. You're leading this like it's going to be a story with build up, but it's not.

Jesse is intderouced before we know who he is. That's dumb, you can't say the fanclub without telling us who he is or why he has a fanclub. 7

He just punches him/her in front of them for no reason and gets away with it? Sorry that's not how things like this work. Her depressing life isnt' really shown either and its not really insane. If you want to make things like this, with a dpressing mc, you either have to do reserch, or live a hard life. It honestly seems like you're the thumblr person who thinks the fact you can't get the new Ipod 8 means you have it hard in life and you're full of angst for it and it's honestly insulting. You just can't have characters who are insane for no reason, or simply just throw it in there in one random sentance.

IF you want to actually write stories like this, STOP making them so short. At least 5 pages single spaced on google docs, and if it's not that much, it most likley doesn't have any build up.

Yet again another thing, your story has nothing described. I can't picture anything outside of what I fabercate. The point of writing is to bring on into a world you create and enteratin with a tale. ALl you're doing is stating events that happen.