Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33077235-20180925204000/@comment-36627132-20180926042334

Spelling and grammar issues: First of all the first paragraph is a wall of text, and the second is seperated by two spaces instead of just one. "He blinked and look again at the man then asking" not only is this a tense change, but also it lacks punctuation and "and look again" should be "and looked again". The first paragraph is in the past tense and the rest of the story is in the present tense. "he stops and raises Reggie to put on his shoulders." should be "he stops and raises Reggie to put him on his shoulders." "he chuckles a deep quite laugh as this is said and starts to walk down a seeming long path." you spelled quiet "quite" "as this is said" is pointless. "Mr. Demise stops sets down" should be "Mr. Demise stops and sets Reggie down." “Mr. Demise where are my parents and are they okay?” would make more sense if it was "Mr. Demise, where are my parents? Are they okay?". "Reggie ask." should be "Reggie asked", aslo you added two spaces instead of just one after it. "Mr. Demise ask in his low deep haunting voice." should be "Mr. Demise asked in his low, deep, haunting voice." After Mr. Demise tells Reggie his father killed him there are two lines of space rather than just one. "Reggie was frozen in horror fear" should probably be just "Reggie was frozen in horror" or "Reggie was frozen with fear." "Reggie in a crying voice says" should just be "Crying, Reggie says". " Mr. Demise raps his tongue" should be "Mr. Demise wraps his tongue". "biting him in half leaving the rest of" there should be a comma after half. "Leaving out of the window the boy's dad screams in terror." should be "Leaning out the window of the boy's room, Reggie's dad screams in horror."

Plot issues: "The child being afraid stutters, 'How-how do you know who I am?'" it would sound better worded if he asked "How-how do you know my name?" The plot itself isn't scary, all we have here is (I'm assuming) a grim reaper who eats children's souls. The part where he eats him comes off more comedic than it does horrifying.

This story's major issues are tense (it should be told in the past tense), you forgot punctuation sometimes, you forgot to ad "-ed" at the end of verbs (i.e. "Reggie ask."), and the story itself is flat and not even remotely scary. The story itself needs more fleshed out, a majority of this story is just Reggie and Mr. Demise talking.