Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26342384-20150530014043/@comment-24101790-20150530020346

Starting with the smaller issues, numbers smaller than nine should be written out (unless monetary or denoting time)

Wording issues: "I saw the news headline on the local news (redundancy) while I was eating breakfast", " The look on the nurse’s face at that point is on (sic) I shall always look (use another word as you already used look once) back upon and smile." (awkward wording), "I will never forget what he looked like right before thy (sic) sealed him in his coffin;"

Punctuation issues: "he would jump up and yell “Surprise! I’m alive!”"

Capitalization issues: "(Oh, and to answer your questions now: No (no), I will never post that link.)", " “Good Choice”,", "Napalm (napalm) covering her skin?"

Story issues: "Bill is not my real name, nor is it a nickname. I will be referring to everyone in this recount of the horrific events that befell me by a pseudonym for their own safety." Why use pseudonyms, the entity seems to be targeting friends and family already. "a solid white background. The phrase “WOULD YOU LIKE TO BURN?” was written in the background in bold white text." White text on white background would make it difficult/impossible to read.. "My parents, in a last (hyphen missing) ditch effort to cheer me up, had my friend send me an email." Why not have the friend visit?

Story issues cont. "Much to my amusement, I had again received that email I told you about earlier." You know, that email that referenced burning before my friend was burned alive? Amusement is an odd choice of word. The revelation about the message, "WOULD YOU LIKE TO BURN?" was already referenced earlier which weakens the reveal. ("It’s a very…ambiguous question. Did it mean me? Did it mean someone else?") Finally the ending is a bit lackluster. "I’m typing this as my last words, and as a warning to anyone who finds themselves in the same situation as I found myself in when I first received that email. I’m next, after all."