Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444017-20180817061439/@comment-35911608-20180817111714

Alright. That's much better. There's problems, yes, but much better now that it's complete.

Let me start by saying that your writing style is superb, absolutely fantastic. Your words flow extraordinarily well and your description is on par, if not better, than many published novelists today. Now I know I read on the last draft someone mentioning that the romance aspect wasn't too scary, but I don't really mind that at all. If you've read my own stories, I always tend to lean towards corruption of anything, and having such a well developed relationship works out fantastically for adding just a little more to the horror to come. I also retract my last remark about it being too long, since yes, the length of its entirety accommodate for the new additions.

Here's where I have some problems. Hanson: the switch is too quick. Yes, Bloody pointed this out above, and I'm sure others will too, so that should be a hint. While I was reading it, I tried thinking of how to improve this shift, and I had a few ideas:

- Give some subtle hints about Hanson having an underlying darker personality. Perhaps have him be more frustrated during the dinner scene where he is able to open up to Phoebe, and maybe have him order some food that, after she suggests he needs more practice, he proceeds to pick apart.

- Slow the gap. Let Phoebe see him once after two days and he's doing okay but still a little slow, have her come to him and just brush her off a but, then cut off contact and make Phoebe wait while she listens to rumors in the halls about an "up-and-coming new surgeon wonder".

- Don't make Denise be alive. It didn't add a whole lot to the horror, and didn't feel real. And if it IS Denise, at least make some kind of foreshadow about Denise being away from work for the last few days. Or don't make it Denise at all, it would make more sense for him to go after Dr. Harrier, if he already targeted someone Phoebe hated.

These are just suggestions, take them as you will. Otherwise, fantastic story, everything else was pretty well done, couple of grammar errors, good character establishment minus Hanson's switch, and a good title too. Hopefully this will help :)