Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20190711004754/@comment-35711173-20190713051634

Steven"SpringBubba"Savoy,

Saying "I am switching points of view to this other character" is very distracting. Announcing that he really isn't a Nazi but is a member of the British resistance, currently posing as a guard of the concentration camp for the espionage mission just kills any sense of a reveal later.

Having large amounts of dialogue in a different language is distracting. It's even distracting to me, and I speak pretty good German. What's worse are sections like this:

"Herrlich! Wenn Sie nach Polen zurückkehren, gebe ich Ihnen eine große Willkommensparty für Ihren immensen Sieg." The guard replied, clearly over joyed at the news of this Luftwaffe victory. (Note:" Herrlich! Wenn Sie nach Polen zurückkehren, gebe ich Ihnen eine große Willkommensparty für Ihren immensen Sieg." means "Delightful! When you come back to Poland, I shall give you a great welcome party for your immense victory.".)

You have the German dialogue twice, making it twice as confusing. Then you immediately take us completely out of any sense of a suspension of disbelief by telling us what it means.

Many Germans spoke English, including Hitler himself. Some spoke it fluently. Many Americans spoke German. You can get around any of that clunky dialogue.

Treblinka is about 950 miles or 1,500 kilometers from London. (That's shortest path distance.) Why transport a prisoner 950 miles? That's expensive and inefficient. Why not just take them to SS headquarters in London for interrogation?