Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25065159-20140615075716/@comment-24821182-20140615082732

You devised the paragraphs incorrectly; even if we look past how you start a new one mid-sentence (which I assume source mode is somehow to blame for), there's always supposed to be a new paragraph when person B says something after person A.

Thoughts should be put in italics to distinguish them from spoken sentences. You should also use italics when adding emphasis to a word or sentence, as opposed to using ALL CAPS.

There's some overall issues with punctuation, along with some misspellings.

However, even if you correct all the things mentioned above, your story will still not meet quality standards, as the phrasing is odd, the build-up nonexistent, and the overall story cliché and nonsensical. From what I can gather, it's a revenge fantasy; someone was mistreated and tries to get back at their tormentor. I'm not actually sure if this is true though, as the lack of description and weird phrasing made it difficult to figure out what was going on.

Please try harder; add more substance to your stories and proofread.