Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20190711004754/@comment-33488654-20190712183835

BloodySpghetti wrote: Uhh this is just... mate, you don't really do anything with these stories. They keep coming out with the same issues over and over. Your English is clonky at places. Your timeline is all over the place; I mean, we need to be somehow notified that this is an alternate timeline/fictional reality.

If it isn't, you need to polish up your common knowledge.

Preferably let us know that it is either before the story, or as part of the story in the beginning and not as some random side note in the middle.

"I got sea sick and it gave me hallucinations" what? How? I have sea sickness... that's not how it works.

Oh and yeah, 20ft Crocodillians that are living fossils still exist and they are massive and dangerous, so no need to imagine dragons. Hah.

Also, why would a fascist state hand over a captive to another fascist state, they could just execute him...

What you have here is a nice little dystopia that can serve as a backbone to a story; but there's clearly no horror. Oh, I noticed. I meant to say that the hallucinations were a result of constantly being groggy.