User blog comment:ThatCatIsCool/Admins on this wiki./@comment-25393922-20141026185017

I'm supposed to be on break, but I still check around. I found that I couldn't help myself after seeing this, so here's a nice little review for you.

For one, your title is in all caps. That's bad title etiquette and a pretty big red flag.

"His name is Ron. Ron Bennett. He wrote books.

He has been an author for 14 years. Every book he's written had won something.

He has 7 Nobel Prizes, 5 American Awards and 3 Rubery book awards. In total: 15 Books."

For one, right off the bat, this information seems entirely useless. Why do we care that he has won awards? What does that give to the story? It seems almost like bragging rather than anything else, and it's a remarkably silly addition.

" He has a wife Well, had a wife after she died in a brutal, and violent car crash.

That fuckin' asshole, drunk & stupid.

"Great combination!"With sarcasm of course.

This is recent. Only 5 months ago. Ever since, he has been experiencing writer's block."

Never strike through a line. If it's not necessary, don't put it in. It makes your writing look silly and it's not necessary; just tell us that he once had a wife and she was dead. That's all we need to know.

Moving on from that; what are the next two lines for? Was she killed by a drunk driver? You mention a car crash; but no detail on it. How are we supposed to know what he's referring to?

"A situation in which an author or common writer, goes through a temporary block of creativity. So, he just sits there.

Staring at his Typewriter.

But...it's staring back

Not just staring, but, GRINNING.

The type of typewriter it was, and the point of view he had, affected this the most."

Most people know what Writer's block is. We're a literature site.

There was no need to capitalize "typewriter," nor was there any need to split the sentence itself. Also, how is the typewriter grinning? Did it develop a mouth? How does it grin? One of the things I've noticed in your story so far is that you tell us quite a bit of useless information, but you like to leave us in the dark about things we need to know more about (Ie ARE IMPORTANT TO THE STORY) and that's not good. Don't tell us what we don't need to know. Give us detail on the things that matter in your story.

Why did the car crash affect the writer so badly? What happened in it? How is the typewriter grinning? We don't care that he has won a ridiculous number of awards; we care about the things happening to him at the current moment.

"Often he found himself glare at it. Like this typewriter actually can react to him with emotion. But he doesn't think about it that way.

What he thinks...

''Is that this typewriter was his friend, a good friend, BEST friend. But after the death of his wife, the typewriter didn't care, so it would grin, and grin and grin... Ron fucking hated this. While he is sitting there was depressed, his own friend is just grinning the whole time.''"

Often, he found himself glaring at it.*

Another thing I've noticed: You split sentences, and some of your sentences don't even make sense. Also, where's the plot? You're summarizing a typewriter that, somehow, developed sentience (and a mouth) and keeps grinning at the writer. What's happening? Nothing so far.

Also, who is Ron? I suppose we're supposed to presume he is the writer and main character?

Throughout this last line, there are a number of glaring grammatical errors and phrasing absurdities.

"8:00 AM, December 12th.

“This time, THIS TIME, I'll write something! I just know it” - And that he did. He sat down, inhaled and exhaled slowly – then began writing.

''Around the corner... She was there... She was grin-''

“FUCKING!- Stop fucking GRINNING AT ME!!!” He yelled, picked up the typewriter, and threw at the wall. It's parts fell all over the room. Cleaning it up was just... hell - The ink had spilled on his wooden floor. “Oh, just fucking perfect!” He yelled to himself."

What was the point in the date header? Is this some kind of diary that you've frontloaded with a bunch of exposition? Also, where's the explanation? What is going on?

Generally, the rest of your story is the same way. What little plot there was turned out pretty bad and you still filled us up with a lot of useless information, while never explaining the things we need to know about. There were a variety of grammatical errors and the entire thing just seemed completely silly. Nothing was properly explained or described; leaving the reader to have to presume on something else, and that's not good.

So TL;DR: Stop complaining, your story didn't by any stretch of the imagination meet the Quality Standards.