Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5400198-20160722183409/@comment-5400198-20160722201125

I'm not advising you to make paragraphs on paragraphs of description, I'm suggesting you avoid basic/generalized descriptions. For example: saying a monster has a demonic voice really doesn't enhance the story as much as saying what made the voice sound demonic. Was it a low, rumble that sounded like the wheezing gasps of a dying engine? Is it high-pitched and grating like nails in your eardrums. Describing arms as branch-like really doesn't build an image as there are multiple types/builds (thick and gnarled, slender and pale, etc.) of branches. Giving a monster black skin and white eyes has been done a lot before. What can you do to make the creature seem distinct and separate from other stories.

"As for the bit he says, 'Stealing, stealing, stealing kills', this is relevant to the character as the Shadow Being was present in my previous Creepypasta "Bloodied Trees and Bright Lights" and said, 'Drugs, drugs, drugs kill.'" It may be an homage/allusion of sorts, but there needs to be more connecting them as the line really comes out of no where and doesn't really have much connection to the story itself. What did the man do to trigger that line after killing his surrogate son?

"Addressing the point about nameless characters: Again, the reason why I chose this for the story was to make it stand out more from the generic Creepypasta." The issue is that not naming characters actually lends to the generic nature of the story. If the characters aren't named, then they come off like stock-characters that are lacking a personality which really doesn't contribute to a fresh plot. Okay, I understand your points better now. Thanks again for taking your time.