Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32071678-20150328182452/@comment-32071678-20150330203748

Whitix wrote: Haven't reviewed anything on this site for awhile, so take that into consideration.

That said, I do enjoy this story. The style, while yes, many will dislike because of the sentence fragments (Which do admittedly give it a choppy flow), feels almost poetic to me. Your descriptions are quite nice and give a good, unsettling feeling while at the same time being vague enough for the reader to get their own image. They also don't overstay their welcome, which is a huge plus in my book.

The first two lines of the story kind of bother me; they just don't seem incredibly unique (Especially on for a creepypasta), but that may just be a personal preference.

As for the plot itself, there really isn't one, which is fine, as long as the story ends on a satisfying note. And I just didn't really enjoy the ending here. It feels almost cliché (You're next!) and doesn't make much sense to me, unless there was something I missed prior that would indicate what is going to happen to "me", the reader. I get you want to be vague, but I think there should be some implications on just exactly what is going to happen (As the story itself doesn't really imply anything; it's just the description of someone "in hell", but a nice one at that). If you want to leave it on that note, I'd advise you to put some more implications on what's going on, so the reader's mind has a bit more to work with and frighten them.

I don't know if "Glow" is really a fitting title, because I don't see how much the "glows" really play into the story specifically. They just seem like another part of the descriptive nature (Unless I missed something). It's like calling this story, "The Tendril" because of the one bit with the tendril choking our protagonist. I feel "Trapped" works better, but that does seem kind of bland. I can't think of anything better, however.

Just my two cents. Hope this helps! Well what I was trying to do was to make the person who's perspective this is in be the reader, and at the end they're warning themselves not to make the mistake that got them into that mess. I'll try to hint at that some more through out the story, and I'll also change the opening lines and try to make them a little more unique. Thanks for taking the time to review this, I appreciate it.