Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37708694-20181205182102/@comment-36627132-20181206041238

BloodySpghetti is spot on. A lot of this story is unnecessary filler that is so long that you are likely to lose any interest your readers had, and what is supposed to be the scary scene is just pointless violence.

As for the cure for cancer part, I think Creepypastas should have a touch of reality. Creepypasta originated with the urban legend theme which, while often fantastic, they were grounded in reality and tried to stay as realistic as possible which added to their creep factor.

Now on to the whole MSG problem. Even for a badly stereotypical rich kid who performs there a lot, it still would be a big deal. Enough said.

"Its elite people too, they're stupid rich. That's kinda what I was going for." So you were going for rich-people-are-stupid-and-evil? Jeez no wonder rich people look down on the poor.

"I really like kind of 'mundane' facts. I think the reader should feel betrayed by her parents like she does when she finds out what these 'dinners' are all about." Like I said you are gambling your readers' interest. When they see miles and miles of pointlessness, they are likely to hit the back button on their browser and look for something that gets to the point. Even worse is that if they do hold on until the end they are going to be dissapointed that what is supposed to be the scary scene is just pointless violence that goes nowhere.