Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25051266-20141103230530/@comment-25418458-20141103232915

It would be easier to criticize this piece if you would elaborate on what is going on. For example, did the brother turn into a zombie? If so shouldn't he be turning pale slowly and then as the transformation gains in strength he begins to drip pus. Saliva would still fall from his mouth from the beginning. I like how you slowly got the brother ready to die. I feel like you spent too much time in the first paragraph describing the brother. What really matters in your story is the action of your characters with a few details added in. I feel the pull of your story and its direction, which is going to be heavily action based. Also, instead of saying the character's life was hell why don't you show us with revelations of the past. Out of curiosity, where was your story going after the brother was shot?