Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33224589-20171004052248/@comment-33224589-20171005040402

AViciousRainbow wrote: I quite enjoyed this story. For the most part, I think it is pretty solid but there are some things I think you can do to make it even better.

First off though, some technical elements: the second sentence is unparallel. "No note, no phone call to explain, nothing at all" the "no phone call to explain" should be just "no phone call."

"My radios (sic) batteries have died" "radios" should be "radio's.". Also, I feel the plural "batteries" should just be singular "battery" as the extra "s" disrupts the flow for me. Yes, normally radios have more than one battery, but no one will care.

"Until two weeks after" should be " until two weeks later."

I would suggest for grammar mistakes in general, to run your story through Grammarly or something similar.

Onto the story itself: you mention the mystery meat at the end after the body is discovered. I would mention it before, like at the beginning of the story. Perhaps you could mention something along the lines of how the protagonist has enjoyed the mystery meat in the past.

From a realism standpoint, hanging a body in the attic for food storage would be inefficient. If the attic were warm, the body would decompose and the meat wouldn't be edible. Perhaps if the body was in a freezer or perhaps if the attic wasn't heated and the story took place in the dead of winter so that the temperature was low, that may help out. Otherwise, the meat would spoil and the mother would end up giving the whole family food poisoning.

I also think it would be more helpful if the main character was younger. Usually, by 11, a kid will understand that monsters are not real. Remember 11 is when middle school starts. Usually, kids in earlier elementary stages believe in monsters.

Lastly, I would work on being more descriptive and building the suspense. I feel like the story is mostly complete, but with some more description and suspense, it will feel fully resolved. Thank you for mentioning this all! I appreciate it a lot and I'll be sure to edit the story accordingly.