Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26460235-20150623013526/@comment-26425680-20150623050232

I got your message and read your updated story. It reads much better with the superfluous details left out. Your new character makes for an interesting transition with the two viewpoints. Overall, it's still lacking creepiness, though you did add a dark twist with the second narrator giving his life for the first one. The back half of the story comes off as more dramatic rather than scary. I really do love the idea of a limnic eruption as a plot device, but it would take some work to make it creepy. It's not a bad story by any stretch, and it's multiple viewpoints gives it a somewhat unique feel. I think the problem is that it's just not flavored right.