Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26011836-20161210184326/@comment-26011836-20161219004438

Thank you for you feedback! I will be ironing out the flaws with the story as soon as I can. I think what I might do is instead of having the protagonist be a Charmander, I can describe a more obscure fire type Pokemon if I can't figure out how to rework the Pokemon description into something more original. As for some of the other plot holes you mentioned such as adding description to the place the procedure took place in (which is a shady, mostly abandoned hospital).

So when the story goes from first to third person, should the '---' go in-between the first and third person "I  sighed with delight and eventually noticed that my eyes were starting to close. I tried my best to keep them open but I soon had no choice but to close them. Moments later, a thought had popped into my head. --- This time, the daughter could hear the blonde woman flicking a switch. A droning hum came into fruition as a series of beeping noises soon followed."

Regarding the dialogue, is this what you mean by " One line between speakers":

​("Look out! A panda wearing a tailcoat!" Harold yelled.

​"Panda? I don't see no panda." said Rusty.) I ask this so I know what I'm doing when I go to correct the errors.