Talk:Midwest/@comment-24817640-20140627203017

It was pretty good. A little overwritten. You clearly have an extensive vocabulary and know how to write, but checking for changed tenses, misused words, etc. would have made it a lot better. Also at a crucial point (when the main character is back on the road and the Big Bad thing is chasing his car) it got confusing and jumbled. Not in an effective, this-should-feel-confusing-and-jumbled way, in a "paragraphs are too long and I am too distracted by trying to figure out what is going on to be scared anymore" kind of way. Sorry to seem harsh, but this is a good enough effort to deserve constructive criticism. A little editing would make this so much better. 7/10.