Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26437574-20160605151746

Im trying my hand at this story again i used emptyrealinvectives pointers from last time to help find some problem areas there is one comma that looks out of place but that is the way i want it to be read and here is my latest fail with 2 times the corrections but im sure theres still lots of problems to fix up this is just a report to see how its going

Have you ever spent a night in your bed feeling really scared of something? Have you ever wondered if it would be possible to get rid of this feeling? Well there is a way but you might not like it, to get rid of your fears you have to undergo a task that will be very difficult for if you’re not mentally prepared take this as a warning, do not continue reading if you are not going to attempt this ritual. First of all you’re going to need a car, one drop of blood from a true love and one diamond and gold wedding ring. Once you have acquired the necessary materials get into the car, you must be alone and it must be at around 4-5 AM, then drive off towards the farthest possible park in your neighbourhood thus the need for a car it must be empty and it must be completely dark from here wait until 6 AM. When the clock strikes 6 AM, close your eyes and imagine every last thing that makes you afraid but only in small detail, you will notice it will get worse and worse until you can’t bear it anymore. If you have made it this far but cant go on you can ditch out and open your eyes and it will be over, nothing will have changed but open them after that and you will find yourself in a black void where all your fears are real. Now if you stuck around without opening your eyes imagine the blood of your true love, what will happen is you will be able to see through your eyelids. Start off by pouring the drop of blood on the diamond of the ring and let it trickle down the ring, after that look directly ahead of you with your mind vision, you will notice a black figure just slide the ring on its finger and wait. After about 4 minutes you will feel worse fear than before too much to imagine it will make you want to die right on the spot, but keep your eyes closed it will take about 10 minutes to go away, in the meantime just think about what makes you happy. When the worst ten minutes of your life have passed you will realize you are no longer afraid it’s not because you have gotten used to it no, that’s impossible, it’s because you can no longer feel fear. So, how does it feel after all this trouble you did it you got rid of that feeling no more sleepless nights, but have you ever considered how fear can keep us safe the fear of jumping in lava for example, without fear what is to keep you from hurting yourself but who cares about safety it's overrated anyways you have no fear, what more do you want? like i said i am sure it will be a fail but i hope i at leat hear better than last time. 