Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444401-20150905005732/@comment-25547916-20150905020140

A few thoughts:

The ending is quite good, the last few paragraphs certainly manage the creepy factor. I think you should let the reader know the narrator is female earlier in the story, as her gender isn't stated until the second to last paragraph. Also this part:

"But when I scrolled to read the posts, my stomach flopped and my heart stopped. KCD, my late father’s initials, was a poster. I know, I know, other people can have KCD as their initials and not be related to me, but it was him, the post he made was a picture of me and the price of $30,000 below my photo. What was even sicker, was there were takers. People willing to buy me. A guy named Dollman69 offered to pay him double if my father made me an amputee doll. But none of this made me leave, that photo was an old photo, I wasn’t even 13 in that photo. He probably scammed people out of their money."

The narrator seems to freak out over the initials KCD more than her own photo. It seems like it would make more sequential sense to mention her seeing her own photo, freaking out, seeing the dad's initials, and then the buyers' offers.

Onto another point, the opening does not match the ending in quality. It just skips around too much; it discusses children's book, adult authors, netflix, and then jumps into the deep web. Once she's on the deep web she jumps around with no purpose until finding Look both Ways (which on an unrelated note make a great title!). I understand that this follows somebody just meandering around, and in that sense, is realistic, but it makes the story uninteresting to read. Additionally, the first line weakens the story by revealing that the narrator presumably survived just fine for a few years after the story's climax.

All in all, I really like the ending and I think this story has potential, but the first half of it or so, IMO, doesn't do too good of a job keeping the reader engaged.