Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4542292-20140617141300/@comment-9967354-20140617155056

I can't comment on whether the story is good or bad, mostly because it's a bit of both for a number of reasons.

For the good bit, I think you write quite well. I don't see terribly obvious errors in here and I like your expression.

The bit which troubled me? Perhaps there are two main themes in the story that have been highlighted far too much. The man, or Renter, and the child murders. If you notice, every entry has something about both of these themes. Almost obsessively. And then somewhere in mind I start linking the themes. The plot is not very well knit, I'd say

Maybe you should get rid of the entries and dates altogether. That way,


 * 1) it won't be abrupt. At the moment the date in the middle of the story sort of is.
 * 2) you'd be able to add to the details and description effectively,
 * 3) you can make it seem like you've laid stress on the man and the killings purposely.

I'll explain just how I think you can do what I said in my last point. You can state clearly that this man was the killer, and them build to main scene at the end by narrating how you came to know, etc. It gives you a reason to get to the point, and it doesn't sound rushed.

The news articles can be made more like news articles you'd actually see in the papers. These don't seem terribly credible. Or maybe you can just briefly write what you read in your own words.

That's all I have to say for now. These are just suggestions, so go ahead and mold around them or disregard them entirely. This is what I think might help.