Creepypasta Wiki:Deletion Appeal

__NOWYSIWYG__

(Craziness)
Um hi...again I was wondering why the story Craziness was deleted. Because I thought that it met the story guideline (is that how you say it?)


 * The story is not up to quality standards. due to numerous punctuation, wording and story issues.


 * Wording errors: "You know the word crazy is don't you?", "I brought in 3 test subjects, and gave them a shot that will (would) slowly drive them insane." Additionally since a scientist is describing this, his lack of detail and experimental procedures is off. "Me and 3 (Three other scientist and I) other scientists had to step him down.(sic)", "But we didn't another experiment started to laugh non-stop he fainted un-consciously for (from) lack of oxygen.", "started feeding on his corps. (sic)", " Blood surrounded him.", etc.


 * Punctuation errors: Commas misused: "subject 1 was still strapped down but he was able to un-strap himself(./,) after he did"


 * Story issues: "I was working on a experiment on how long someone can last before heading into insanity.", for what reason other than to set up generic creepiness? "I told them that the goal was that they had to try there (their) best not to go insane.  (3 days is (was) the goal)" Why tell them that when the experiment is to push them into insanity? The story feels rushed and comes off like a knockoff of other scientific experiment pastas hastily written and published without any proof-reading.


 * The ending: " Days passed and with every second  I slowly driven (sic) into insanity." Is anticlimactic and non-sensical. I'm sorry but this story is not up to quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:09, May 23, 2015 (UTC)

(The Giraffe Figurine)
Hi its Death4 again, I came back here because I had a story I remembered writing some time back called the Giraffe Figurine, and when I asked in the writers workshop why it got deleted a user said it was because of some spelling errors and also the fact I copied and pasted it wrong so it got a bit messed up. However the story itself sounded quite original he said. The story is loosely based off an episode of the show "my ghost story" and it also featured an image of the giraffe statue in the story moving which, if it gets accepted ill add in. I tried to fix all the errors he pointed out but is there anything else I could do to get it accepted?

http://pastebin.com/0aMaZwPc

(Death4 (talk) 13:31, May 23, 2015 (UTC))


 * Your story can be posted. There are still some minor issues, but they can be fixed after submission.  Good luck.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 14:00, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

The Man Who Wasn't There
Hi, I'm a writer and last night I released a short pasta. I thought I had done everything right but I suppose not. It wasn't true but it may have been too short? Too creepy even? Oh well, I did try to work on it as hard as I could to make a small piece of creepy prose, but if it didn't cut then so be it. Just thought I would ask. thanks for the time WesZombie (talk) 18:41, May 23, 2015 (UTC)
 * I'm assuming you mean "The Man Who Answers The Door" (improperly titled by the way.)? Also the title makes it seem like you had another section planned in which he goes to the protagonist's door that you left out.


 * Wording errors: "Insert page content here. (sic) Latoya was a ten year old girl.", "Like any other (kid), she played outside and argued with her parents.", "The first time she saw the man that no one else could see, (he) was outside of her bedroom window.", etc. Awkward phrasing: " "That night she came home and the family was not burdened with much fright." (awkward wording)", "How tragic, (comma un-necessary) was it, (comma not needed) that little Latoya's teacher did not believe?", etc.


 * Punctuation issues: " It's (Its) pink hair". Commas incorrectly used or lacking from sentences implying a pause in sentence flow.


 * Story issues: The story feels very rushed and there really isn't much build-up to the man or sense of threat/dread. The story needs a lot of work and in its current form, I agree with Underscore that the story is not up to quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:12, May 23, 2015 (UTC)

It was a tentative "running title" and I was wanting to work on it more. Yes, it was very much in it's early stages. I wanted to work on it more, I just needed somewhere to place it. I now see what was wrong and that I should not have placed it here, so thanks for the input. WesZombie (talk) 20:13, May 28, 2015 (UTC)

Blue Demon
hi. I wanna know exactly why my pasta "Blue Demon" was deleted? I'm new here so I don't really know how to word this or anything, so um...yea.


 * It was deleted for not being up to quality standards. Starting with the minor issues: please don't indent paragraphs as it causes formatting issues.


 * Wording errors: ""HXcNJ"(or Nicki Jones) is a pretty famous YouTuber, I've been watching her since I was a pre-pubescent teenage boy and she was 14 years old, 3 years ago." (Really could use breaking into two sentences.) "There was a loud bang at the door, (and) a man's voice screaming." Fragmented sentences: "Blood."


 * Punctuation errors: "Her eyes were like....otherworldly or something." (Really a comma would serve the same purpose. Ellipses are typically for pauses in dialogue or omission of words from a quote. Using an ellipses in the story itself comes off as melodramatic.


 * Capitalization issues: "it," She (she) whispered with a shaky voice, probably from crying, "It (it)...", "okay," She (she) said, "Because (because...), If you use a comma to join two pieces of dialogue, the preceding line is left uncapitalized (unless a proper noun), etc.


 * Story: A number of lines come off as bordering on troll pasta material. "People spread rumors that she's a satanist and sold her soul to the Devil so she could get free horror games. " Finally this story comes across as a "lost episode" pasta (youtube version) like "Darkiplier" and "PewDIEpie" (both of which were deleted from this wiki for re-hashing tropes, being generic, and below QS for this site. I'm sorry, but this story isn't up to quality standards, I suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop for assistance. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:36, May 24, 2015 (UTC)

Mark My Words
Hi, I'm sorry to bother you right now. I understand that the creepypasta was deleted for it not reaching the standers of the wiki. To be honest, I am not asking for it to be undeleted at all. Maybe I am, sort of, but that really doesn't matter. I however do not understand how it did not use the wiki's terms. If you don't mind explaining that, please let me know! Also, if you don't undelete it, do you mind if I can have the story back so I can post it to my social media site? I was stupid for not copying it to begin with and I'm sorry for that. Thanks :) --SleepingWithSatan (talk) 05:01, May 24, 2015 (UTC)


 * Starting out with the smaller things. Your story is one larger paragraph. Even if it is meant to be a micro pasta, it still needs to follow basic spacing rules. (Five to ten sentence, with high-impact lines/dialogue spaced out.) Too many sentences framed into a single paragraph made it a head ache to read.


 * Story issues: for being short, your story goes off on a number of tangents that don't impact the main plot at all and come off more as padding than story-building. Your story also takes a LOT of cues from Genetic Memory to the point that I couldn't help drawing connections between the two as I read them. I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop as they are good at catching these issues, finding plots that have been covered before, and other issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:09, May 24, 2015 (UTC)
 * Alright, well either way, thank you so much! I actually haven't read that pasta but now I am tempted to do so. But thank you for letting me know, this always helps so I can improve on my writing skills/ability! I hope you have a good night/evening/morning!   --SleepingWithSatan (talk)
 * Alright, well either way, thank you so much! I actually haven't read that pasta but now I am tempted to do so. But thank you for letting me know, this always helps so I can improve on my writing skills/ability! I hope you have a good night/evening/morning!   --SleepingWithSatan (talk)
 * Alright, well either way, thank you so much! I actually haven't read that pasta but now I am tempted to do so. But thank you for letting me know, this always helps so I can improve on my writing skills/ability! I hope you have a good night/evening/morning!   --SleepingWithSatan (talk)

Catherine
Hi there i was wondering as to why my story "Catherine" was deleted. I edit the story and most of the gammar and punction mistakes and of course i read the Quality Standards. Also if there is things that need to be edit i would appreciate if  someone would help me out with the editing as English is not my first language.


 * Your story was deleted as it was not up to our quality standards, due to its poor plot and incorrect grammar and punctuation. It was then deleted again as we do not allow users to reupload deleted stories.


 * Starting with the smaller issues, there are many grammatical errors in the pasta. "I went to my father's room and took a book where he would write about me (useless space), the only things that i (I) knew that (useless "that") were written inside of this book were about how my blood was a rare type as (sentence should end, becomes a run-on) it was said that my blood was every kind of blood mixed together in one and the last thing that i (I) also knew that was also written inside (doesn't make sense) was the fact that when i (I) was born (missing comma) me and my sibling were like piece (pieces) of meat with organ (organs) inside each other (missing comma) but only one of us contained a heart and they were only able to create me..."


 * There are also issues with the story itself. In fact, I would consider it to be a "Jeff the Killer knockoff", since its plot is based on the same key elements - a teenager goes through some hardship (bullying, family problems, etc) which turns them into a super-powered killer, dramatically altering their appearance in the process. This storyline has been used many times before, so much so that we no longer accept stories that follow this plotline.


 * Additionally, there are some other issues with the plot. For example, why does the father just leave a scalpel "lying around"? He may be obnoxious, and a bad parent, but it is still unlikely he would ever be dealing with a scalpel, given he was a psychologist-scientist. Why does "Karolina" feel a need to begin killing everyone that passes by a random tree? From what I can tell, she has no attachment to the tree whatsoever, and should only be angry towards her parents.


 * Overall, I am denying this appeal due to the story having a clichéd plot, with many errors, and too many grammatical inaccuracies to meet our quality standards.


 * 09:12, May 24, 2015 (UTC)

Dr Fly
Hey I'm new to this site, I just posted a story named Dr Fly, which was then deleted. I'm not sure why, if it is the grammatical mistakes I could surely fix them, since I wrote it when I was grade 7 and now I'm almost grade 10. My writing skills right now are on point so don't worry.


 * Wording issues: Awkward phrasing. "...filling the laboratory invigoratingly.", "...oblivious to the specimen’s enlargement of size." (enlargement already denotes size and makes "of size" redundant.), "George was only half of his mom’s height before her decease.", "He felt gently (gently felt) the book of Einstein’s Relativity theory...", "The shopkeeper spotted the prodigy, thus spared no time to chase George." (Could imply he did/didn't chase George.), "to myself .(space not needed) The unfortunate side effects led it to an obsession to take over the world.", etc.

Words missing: "The sounds were ominous, but George sure (sic) he could outrun...", "His mind was spinning, hence (he) took an agonizingly painful while to become conscious of his whereabouts.", "Use it when you (find it?) necessary." Fragmented sentences: "Sparing no time tried to catch the diminutive airborne fly. "


 * Punctuation issues: "He had a thin and short body, small for a boy of twelve..." Capitalization issues: "“Now George,” replied the scientist, “Your (your) fall down the secret hole..." (as it is a continuation of the previous sentence it should not be capitalized.)


 * Story issues. Next time, I would recommend waiting for help from the writer's workshop before making an appeal. They may have been able to point out some of these issues and give you the opportunity to revise it before it goes to appeal. The story really lacks description. Even though Dr. Owl is in fact an enlarged owl, description might make him more intimidating/build tension in the story. It also needs more explanation. "George suddenly became very healthy and hyperactive because of the strength from the chemical." So George was transmuted to a fly for reasons, where is this super-strength coming from. In theory, being trapped in a fly's body would leave him with the capabilities of a fly. (Inability to shatter glass) Finally the story really doesn't feel like a creepy pasta as there is little focus on horror or suspense and it just comes off as odd at times. "Then George, in the form of an invincible fly, lifted himself out the hole" The story is not up to quality standards and the appeal is being turned down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:14, May 25, 2015 (UTC)

Paradise
I want to know if I can reupload my pasta.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wzrq6P0kHR7xkxIW0RBWkzwuyDfP5pbco0C2htKsFdQ/edit

--The G &#38; P Trixie (talk) 12:41, May 25, 2015 (UTC)


 * Just for reference, you should put additional spaces between each paragraph as if you try to upload it in its current form, it will post as a giant wall of text. Also make sure you are in source mode whenever you post something as your WW and original post had coding errors (due to adding it in visual editor.)


 * Formatting: The paragraphs starting with: "“Okay,” said George. “My paradise would be", "George got up slowly.", "Ill health was next.", "However, there was one thing which even George was afraid to change; death." need to be more broken up. Five to ten sentences is a good standard. Any more and it can be a bit blocky and hard to read. You can break up a few of those by separating the issue George sees and how he attempts to fix it into two separate paragraphs.


 * Wording issues: "He expected the man to start burst out laughing at him..." Start and burst (out) are both verbs and only one is needed. Capitalization issues: "He had never been Religious (religious)". Punctuation. “On the contrary”," (Comma should be inside the quotation.)


 * Story issues: The ending also needs some clarification. "The laughter of a being who knew that his most hated foe had been finally destroyed." I assume that that being is the Devil, but does that make George God. If so, that opens up a lot of plot holes. It makes more sense if George is an 'Everyman' character, but then that makes this more of a morality tale than a creepy pasta. (More on this later)


 * Finally as it stands, the story doesn't really feel like a creepy pasta. Maybe more in-depth descriptions of how George's influences have negatively impacted the world and expounding a bit on the more negative side of human nature might help. This really feels more like a cautionary/morality tale and seems like it's lacking that creepy/suspenseful/unnerving characteristics that most creepy pastas have. That doesn't mean to say it's a bad story, just that in its current form it really doesn't fit the criteria for a cp. "In short, a creepypasta is a short story posted on the Internet that is designed to unnerve and shock the reader." If you want to alter/re-work it a bit so it is more like a cp and message me on my talk page, I can review it and we can see about posting it, but for now this appeal is being denied. The story is up to quality standards, but isn't really a cp. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:51, May 25, 2015 (UTC)

Unlocked Doors
Fixed some stuff. I made the narrator's actions more believable, and it's still the Writer's Workshop post.

R-I-S-I-N-G-F-U-S-I-O-N 20:33, May 25, 2015 (UTC)


 * You can post your story, but I do feel the story is borderline. It's not quite developed enough, but there's enough there to let it squeak by.  There are a couple issues: "lied on my bed" should be "lay on my bed", wildy to wildly.  I think there were a couple other things, but nothing too serious.  Good luck.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 13:44, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

Mattel Electronic Football: My sister's encounter
Why is my story removed? Can I get it back online? I saw the deletion log but did not understand why it was removed. Thanks


 * The story was deleted for not being up to quality standards. Your story is set in the past, but shifts from past tense to present without any explanation. As it seems to be occurring solely in the past, your tenses need to reflect that. You shift between capitalizing mom/mother when uniformity is needed. If you are using it as a proper noun, it needs to be capitalized in all cases.


 * Story issues: The story really is not fleshed out and seems re-hashed from other gaming creepy pastas. "It will not be pleased" has no context and gives no detail. For example, I have no idea why it was tagged with the ghosts category when there is little explanation/description of the entity. (Additionally if you were going for a 'haunted gaming' cp, then I would suggest looking over the blacklist as those are no longer allowed on this wiki.


 * There are also cliches like: "The screen said "Die"", "You're Next".", etc. Finally, the story feels very rushed and seems more like a rough draft with skeleton plot points for keeping track of where you want the story to go than a complete story. As it is not up to quality standards this appeal is being denied. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:42, May 26, 2015 (UTC)

Bagelia
Why was Bagelia deleted. I tried my best to make it seem creepy. The story is true, Every story I post is DELETED. I don't get it. What did I do wrong. I'm almost to the point I hate creepypasta wiki and i will post my stories somewhere else. Not everyone has perfect grammar.


 * By every story, you mean your first story was deleted for not being up to quality standards. You don't have to have perfect grammar to post a story, but you do have to put in effort. You did not with this story. It's nonsensical and contradictory. "Her parents beat her to death." then later, "They left her with a horrid babysitter. The babysitter slammed her to the wall and stabbed her with a knife." (Additionally why did the baby sitter stab her again? She literally had no provocation other than murdering a girl who enjoys bagels.)


 * Capitalization issues: Multiple words capitalized in the middle of sentences for no reason. "Bagelia(comma missing) Bagelia, Come To Life. Come Follow Us, Till Death Due (do) Us Right.", ""Bagelia Bagelia, Flee (flee). Bagelia Bagelia Descend (descend) Again again)!"


 * Grammar: their/there/they're issues. They're=they are, their=possession, there=indicatory. "Everyone has to put there index finger"


 * Story issues: this feels like a troll pasta focused on bagels. "The bagel must remain uneaten or destroyed. If you destroy the bagel before ending the game, Bagelia wont go away if you make a new bagel and try to end. She stays forever." Additionally what point is there to this ritual? There's no benefit other than summoning a (potentially) violent ghost. I'm turning down the appeal for the reasons listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:23, May 28, 2015 (UTC)

Leo
Hello there, my first and only creepypasta Leo was deleted. Why? Stella Von Trott (talk) 14:22, May 30, 2015 (UTC)


 * It was not up to quality standards due to punctuation, capitalization, wording, and story issues.


 * Punctuation missing from dialogue: "Your mother and I have decided to not sleep in the same room anymore(period missing)", "So starting from today Carlo, you need to share rooms with your brother(period missing)" Punctuation incorrectly used: "Goodnight~(!)" Sound effects need punctuation as well. "SNORE(punctuation missing)" Commas used incorrectly/missing ""Oh you have something on your cheek" As a (I) lean to wipe it off he pulls back."


 * Capitalization: "i hear." Putting a few words in all-caps is fine, but a large portion of dialogue is capitalized making it appear blocky. You can sub out capitalization for exclamation points and italics for the same effect.


 * Wording issues: you shift from present tense to past tense multiple times through-out the story. "my brother laughs" to "He yawned, sat up and rubbed his eyes." Also try to avoid starting so many sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because) ""That(')s because ever science (since)"


 * Story issues: the story has a number of parts that need fleshing out/description as well as explanation. The ending also needs work. "I looked back at the picture of us and stared. Leo in that picture... HAD GREEN EYES." (See capitalization comments above.) It comes off as melodramatic to use both ellipses and capitalization when neither is really necessary and makes the story seems gimmicky. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:36, May 30, 2015 (UTC)

Dark Team Epic
Hello I'm wondering why my Pasta Dark Team Epic was removed and i'm telling why it should be put back up I was Orginal and not doing Chliches (sorry if mispelled) and I AM Epic Hayden I was Not Giving  link to my channel and my spelling and grammar was correct!


 * It was one large paragraph filled with capitalization (Improperly capitalized words, "I" needs to be capitalized, etc.), wording (Redundancy issues, nonsensical phrasing), spelling (numerous types/misspellings), punctuation (apostrophes missing from contractions, quotation marks missing from dialogue, punctuation missing from sentences, etc.), and a rushed storyline are a few reasons why it was deleted for not being up to quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:54, May 31, 2015 (UTC)

Being Watched
I had pasted my story onto the wiki, and it was taken down. I admitt there were errors in the formatting, but I was in the middle of fixing it when it was deleted. May I please be allowed to have a second chance. I will write with my laptop, rather then a mobile device.


 * Setting aside the formatting errors (although you should use source mode to avoid that.) There are still a number of issues that make your story fall below our Quality Standards.


 * Punctuation: punctuation missing from dialogue or left out of quotations: "“Coming” my girlfriend called out.", ""Sounds strange(,/.)" Rob replied.", "“You bet I would”.", "“Hey man(comma missing) how’s it going?”. he asked.", etc. Commas missing where needed. Question marks missing from questions. "What was going on.(?)", "Anyway, have you ever considered joining a gang.(?)", "How could she say this."


 * Wording issues: "It felt great to have such a pretty girl under my arm." Use 'around' as under implies something different. "We’ll (Well,) he wouldn’t look at you if you weren’t dressed like that.", "All of the student (sudden) I got a funny feeling.", "For the (a) moment we stared at each other.", "...there some weird guy following me around.", "What a lier (liar), I thought. Tpical (Typical) woman."".


 * Story issues: while the protagonist is meant to be unlikable, he comes off as cartoonish in execution. A relatable character (even if they have massive flaws helps keep readers focused.) Additionally while fear is subjective, I was left wonder how exactly is this a creepy pasta? If the scenes were more built-up around the stalker, you could argue that case, but he only makes a few appearances and there is very little tension. Finally the story feels rushed, especially towards the end. With a title like "Being Watched" the story should really focus more on the stalking and watching aspects. As it stands the story was deleted for not being up to quality standards and upon re-review, I have to say that I stand by my decision that the story isn't ready for the site yet. I'm going to suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop for feedback before attempting to upload it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:46, June 1, 2015 (UTC)

The Dread of Sleep
Hello, i was wondering why my story was denied. I would like to know what standards of writing I did not follow when writing my story, so maybe I can fix it and make it better. Thanks.


 * Your story was deleted for not being up to quality standards. Starting with the smaller issues, don't indent paragraphs. As you'll notice, no other stories are indented as it tends to cause horrible formatting issues.


 * Wording issues: "every time you hear the world (word).", "It used to me (be) normal for my brother and I.", "He never usually did this," (never and usually contradict. didn't usually.)


 * Grammar issues: it's=it is, its=possession. "it's white, hollow eyes" should be "its white, hollow eyes."


 * Story issues: "It let out a screech and twitched," If it screeched, how come the protagonist's brother didn't wake up? I mean he's sleeping in a bunk bed in the same room. Or any of the other family for that matter. Speaking of other family, why wouldn't they attempt to tell anyone else? Finally why do they associate that room with the figure when it's shown leaving the room? "It gave us peace for a few months to not have to worry about the strange figure again." Unless you forgot to mention how the creature was confined to that room, that sense of peace seems misplaced.


 * Story issues cont.: The figure needs a lot more description that just hollow and white eyes. That's not really descriptive and doesn't build a frightening image in the reader's minds. You need to paint more of a picture here. The story additionally feels rushed with some pretty large plot issues (mentioned above) present in the story. The story can be easily summed up with "a monster appears in our room, it then leaves." You really need to flesh this out to build up tension and tell an effective story. For example, read A Memory, that story and yours are very similar but differentiated by his focus on detail and a larger focus on the creature's intentions and its impact. As it stands, this story needs work and is not up to quality standards so the appeal is being turned down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:13, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

An Absolute Negation
In literature a work is often described as either being an affirmation or negation of existence. In  Ulysses  James Joyce famously ends his epic masterpiece with the word YES. This is an absolute affirmation. In my pasta An Absolute Negation I seek to make a denial with a simple NO, for this is creepypasta, a place where nihilism rules the day. In doing so I also wish to state the true nature of existence, for we are all denied life in the end. Anyone with a basic familiarity of art or literature should understand this and see that not only is this pasta a work of art but also the shortest micro-pasta ever written. I know for a fact that Empy will understand this for we have discussed Joyce before.


 * Let's look at the "What is a creepy pasta?" outlined in the home page. "In short, a creepypasta is a short story posted on the Internet that is designed to unnerve and shock the reader."


 * While "nihilism" can inspire creepiness, it needs more than that to be effective. There's no story to this. Frankly the story should have been deleted under the "Lacks story/content" rule. As "No" is too restrictive to really tell any story. Side note: your wording in this appeal was not the best approach. Yes James Joyce ends Ulysses with "YES." There was more before it, quite a bit more (Jesus, that was long book with multiple episodes.) actually. There was a story there, there isn't much story here other than what the audience infers and that's a bit vague to be good. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:16, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

The White Mirror
Hello, I was wondering why this didn't meet the quality standards. I would really like to know so when I write another pasta it will actually be accepted onto the website.


 * The story had multiple wording issues, and seemed very rushed. There's also the issue that your narrator disappeared in the fire: how is he telling this story?  There's no explanation.  Haunted mirrors are used quite often, and this story was too underdeveloped to justify the use of such a familiar concept.  The story was also very blandly written, with no emotion or description.  It was also double-spaced between paragraphs when there should only be one space.  I would advise reading our Writing Advice blogs and using our Writer's Workshop before submitting your future work.  Good luck.


 * Jay Ten (talk) 18:20, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

My mothers song
Hi, I was just wondering why "My mother's song", was deleted, I can fix any grammatical errors, and I can lengthen or change the wording if necessary.

Female L (talk) 17:15, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

Female L


 * Starting with the basics that really have no bearing in the deletion, but are important nonetheless. Your story was improperly titled. "My mother's song" should be "My Mother's Song". Additionally the song lyrics should be spaced out in poetry/lyrical form.


 * Wording issues: "I asked where she had seen 'Granny', and she said she had walked into a forest, and (redundancy) seen a woman there, called Penny, but asked to be called "Granny'." (The sentence could also be broken up into two more effective sentences.), "who's (whose) face I could not see, replied;(should be a colon)"


 * Story issues: "Her body was found in the woods, her guts hanging out, and her blood tainting the trees." Who would exactly break the news to a mother like that? It just seems cruel and oddly worded. ("tainting the trees") Then there is the ending:


 * "I nearly vomited, I wanted to escape, I wanted to die, just to go-


 * the (The) woman turned around. (where exactly is this perspective shift coming from? The story was told entirely in first person except for this line and then it shifts back to first person the nextline.)


 * She was holding Molly's severed head.


 * It was my (extra space not needed) mother."


 * Why exactly is the mother so malevolent? There's no indication of threat from the Molly's description of her previously. They even had a conversation in which they traded names and the mother asked Molly to carry a message. The ending seems abrupt and out of place. I'm sorry, but this story needs quite a bit of work to fix up the wording and story issues so the appeal is being turned down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:34, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

(DEATH)
Hi, I'd like to ask why Death was deleted? If you could tell me any mistakes I made I would greatly appreciate it ;).