Talk:One Second Before/@comment-26399604-20160321161822/@comment-26399604-20160323225115

What you have now is a vast improvement from before. I like your comparisons of the destruction to help better set a picture. It does flow better as a story as well.

I will agree with Nathan about the raisin comparison. Please see below:

(It's an easy mistake, but shriveling is a decrease in size)

+I suggest you don't look into my light, for the slightest exposure will torch every last bit of flesh right off of the bone, and your eyes will shrivel [down] to the size of raisins.

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(Also, since it's mankind, there's more than one)

+Why are you so naïve, my [children]?

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I am a bit confused on how all of this is written on a piece of paper, but you mentioned this is the beginning with more to come. If that's the case then I guess more information will be revealed in due time. As it stands, it seems fine now, although, I would still get another opinion to broaden the critique. Hope this helps!!