Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29709755-20160903022833/@comment-29709755-20160906180110

So first of all, thanks for another extraordinarily detailed and thorough review. They're proving invaluable. And thanks for the bit about the curation blog. I'm glad someone else is enjoying this. It was beginning to feel a bit like onanism.

Moving on. I don't know if it's, like, SOP to post revisions here before you submit them as a story, but the problems seemed minor enough that I took the risk. Aside from the ending paragraph, the new version had some light restructuring, refinement and grammar correction, as well as some clarification of things that didn't seem to be clear to you. Jason is not an experienced hunter. There are many people like him, who either never hunted or hunted only as a kid, hence why he goes off in the woods without orienting himself, bringing any food equipment, or having a clear idea of what he's doing. Also why he panics when it gets dark. It was awkward to slip that information in, but I did my best. Yes, there are lots of bears, and no, you never fire off all your rounds EVER. Finally, the monster was supposed to have actual glowing eyes, hence why he thought they were headlights. I hope this is all obvious in the current version

Side note: According to the OED, straight jacket is a malaproprism, it's supposed to be strait jacket, which can be one word, two words, or hyphenated, but is itself a colloquialism for camisole, the very unsexy medical term.