Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26869801-20160513230203/@comment-24101790-20160513233524

There are a lot of issues here. Starting with the basics that really don't have anything to do with a story's deletion but are still important, please use source mode. Your story has a lot of coding errors that make it practically unreadable in editor mode that makes it look like this on every line: "April 14th, 2016  ' '  Where should I start, uh? Well, I don’t see any better way, so let’s just do this. "

Onto the larger issues. There are a lot of punctuation, capitalization ("I know it’s kind of clichê" Cliché has an accent mark. "japanese symbols?" Japanese should be properly capitalized.), spelling, wording, and story issues here.

Spelling: Please proof-read your stories before posting them as they errors are everywhere in your story. "I would just spend most of my time on that webstite", "so we could have some old timy (sic) fun", "I thought (thought) he was just kidding", "Who did that, probably", "“Giant Omlet” ad", "awfuly drawn being devoured", "this hall of diabolic instanities,", etc. There are at least five other instances of typos/misspellings here. Frankly, even the misspellings listed as intentional also feel out of place and unnecessary.

Wording: Awkward wording. "As I aged, all of my addiction to that little game ended up just going away.", "I could never have any pets at home (I lived in an apartment), so it was the closest thing I had to a “pet” at the (that) moment.", "Looking at that was like being sucked by pshycadelic (psychedelic) leeches." If you're going to mention leeches, you should focus on how it has a draining effect. " it looked like a  "Chia", full of injuries on (in) what seemed to look like a cage.", " it suddenly refreshed automatically and back to the "Error 404" message it went (awkward wording)", etc. I would suggest reading the story aloud to yourself to catch areas where it hiccups or feels awkwardly worded as there are a number of other instances.

Story: "I refreshed that darn thing ‘til my finger hurt, but it just wouldn’t load." How does the protagonist expect to go back to the site if they can't get it to load? "Sorry I didn’t take any screenshots, maybe next time I enter the website I’ll take some and bring something for you." Additionally, if they were so disturbed by the site, why are they promising to return. ("there were so many weird things I couldn’t even handle it.")

Story issues cont.: This feels extremely rushed and the frequent errors really add to that unpolished feeling. "The menus e guides" and "I guess my curiosity is talking louder that (than) my sanity." for example. There is also a real lack of description on why this is so frightening that it warrants focus. Lines like this: "The lunatic who created this website wanted to sell drugs and alcohol to virtual creatures." make the story feel more comical than anything. There is a lot of other issues present here, but I think I'll leave it at this for now as this is going to require drastic re-writing and revision to pass our quality standards.