Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24881951-20140710043535/@comment-24352864-20140711015745

The title somehow doesn't fit. As said above, it's basically about "someone getting killed". Shifting to third person instead of first may be more suitable and realistic but, that will probably fix only a small issue.

I think the biggest problem is the build-up. This one threw us in the climax immediately. Even some micropastas have some sort of introductory event and rising action that is described in the bare minimum. Without the feeling of suspense, this won't really work well.