Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20150423072004

I was wondering if the following might be considered too cliche. I thought that the way the story was delivered (by being written on paper) might make it a bit different. I was also wondering if I should have described the scene in the basement? I'm not a fan of unnecessary gore and was trying to go with a less is more approach, but worry that it might come across as lazy. I am also looking for a review. _____________________________________________________________________________

The Intruder How to explain? I suppose I'll start off with the basics and branch off from there. I am a thief, you see. I break into people's homes, gather up their valuables and get out, well, that's normally how it works. It appears that this time I won't be so lucky. I had assumed, no, I had been led to believe that this house had been abandoned and that the owner had left their things behind. I scoped out the place like any good thief would and observed no changes over a period of five days. I struck on the evening of the 6th. I had pushed a wheeled trashcan under a second story window and used it to stand on, the window was unlocked, that's how I got in. I noted jewelry in the bedroom that I had entered and proceeded to pocket it. There was such a large amount that I decided to go downstairs and search for a trash-bag to help store stuff in. I'm a bit of an asshole if you haven't figured it out, I love using my accidental donors things against them. I made good progress through the house, I'd say that I'd made it through most of the house in ten minutes, all that remained was the basement. As you can probably tell by this point, I should have ignored the basement and left. The basement was so dark that I had to use my flashlight and god almighty do I regret turning it on. The repugnant odor should have been enough of a warning, but it wasn't, I foolishly wrote it off as mold. The basement is dead bodies galore, there are at least twenty of them down here. I could state more, but I don't really want to scar the reader for life. Just take me at my word when I assure you that it is grotesque. I'm a thief, not a liar. Long story short, I spent too much time staring in horror at the dead bodies and a car pulled up (a rather loud one). I quickly shut the basement door just as I heard the keys unlock the front door. Obviously, I am still in the basement (dead or alive is anyone's guess at this point). The basement has a window that pushes outward, but it is too small to crawl through. I had thought about yelling for help and shot the idea down just as quickly as I'd thought of it. Why haven't I used a cellphone to call for help? Well, I don't remember the address and I didn't bring it. I was always afraid that I might leave it on and get a call if I ever ended up in a situation to where I had to hide, like this one. I did manage to find a pen and some paper, I proceeded to write this and slip it out the window in the hopes that the breeze would carry it to someone. Maybe that will get the twisted sicko caught if nothing else. I'm going to try to sneak out, but I don't think my chances are good. I mean, whoever owns this house is going to notice all the missing stuff. I just want you to consider a couple of things, dear reader. Firstly, how close must you live to that house in order to have obtained this piece of paper? Secondly, I guess even serial killers need vacation. 