Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24929924-20140511161513/@comment-6761334-20140511232419

I like your style. I like narrators who are a bit broken and might have something of an agenda. I like it when you cannot trust everything the narrators says. Still, right now the nly issue i have with it might be an issue of pacing. It feels a bit padded or overly flowery to me. The words are not bad at all, I just think it wold be stronger if you condensed your sentiments into a few less paragraphs. Maybe take out the quotes. I get that you are trying to set a mood, but I think that you only need to set the mood for the piece not each section. Honestly, the quote about opening doors to lesser evils is really the only one you need. maybe if you put it at the front, but got rid of the rest. and it is okay if someone has written on a similar subjet. Honestly, i checked the link and you pasta bears no resemblence to the one posted aside from maybe theme. And even then, if ou have a new way to execute it i wold say that you should still write yours.