Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-37041992-20181004223948/@comment-9041013-20181008172122

Still very weird and reads kind of clanky, like my brain lags when I go over the text. You need to make it less robotic. Make it more organic, go through the scenary in your head, see how it feels if you were to watch it live, or be the pratagonist yourself and then write it down (thoughts, emotions and all raw) into the story.

The description of the antagonist is weird as hell "X like mine, Y like mine" it's pointless and distracting.

Also, if you want to go for a safe bet with the injury of the narrator? have a chuck of his skin missing... like part of his torso, or back, or something. Make it sting and burn like hell... partial flaying is a VERY serious injury, but you can survive one.