Talk:To the Moon/@comment-26030957-20150725222945

Wow. This was just excellent. I loved it.

The scene where Walters and Steel return to the moon and see the mayhem was very powerful. When Frank says to them, “Please get me out of here. Take me to prison. I would much rather spend my time there than spend another minute here" I grew very tense and just had to know what happened. The twist at the end was great. The characters were believable and lifelike, well fleshed out.

If I had to find a criticism at all it would be that I'd like maybe a little more descriptions of the space ship and the colony. When you write sci-fi you are writing for a geeky kind of audience that enjoys technical jargon about the futuristic devices. Maybe add a bit to the landing sequence too, those are traditionally pretty dramatic scenes.

I would lose that author's note. There is no need to apologize for a lengthy pasta, many readers prefer them. Some of the most iconic like Pen pal and 1999 are quite long. Many authors take pride in calling their lengthier works novellas, though in my mind a novella should be at least fifteen thousand words and more like twenty to twenty-five thousand.

I did notice a couple of awkward sentences you may want to fix. There was this, "Besides the food and no longer about to float around" I'm not sure what you are saying, perhaps, "no longer being able to float around"?

And this one: “You must be Mr. Radds,” the mousy man from the microscope said" do you mean the "man with the microscope" or the "man from behind the microscope"? The way it sounds now, when I first read it I thought there was some man inside the microscope talking.

Great story. Excellent job.