Talk:It Breathes, It Bleeds, It Breeds/@comment-27516784-20160314205605/@comment-26030957-20160603224210

This is a great creepypasta, but if you really want to know how you can improve it I can offer you some advice.

First thing, though other characters like the mother and doctor are mentioned, they are never in the story at all. The only real characters are our protagonist and his creepy internal buddy. This makes for a great lack of drama. You want to explore the human side of this story, not just the physical gross out. Is there a love interest? Perhaps a girl at work? Maybe for the first time in his life this guy has a girlfriend and he is trying to hide this from her, which brings about a great fear of intimacy. It is elements like this that will make the Gore factor resonate even more.

How about a mean boss who harps on him? You say he has no friends at all. Really? Not one? Not even some dude he talks to on Skpe or sees in the bar? With more characters you can explore more ways of the story not being such an information dump.

Also, you got an awful lot of telling and (besides the gore) very little showing. So much exposition just dumped on in the beginning.

Not one line of dialogue besides with his little buddy.

Honestly, though, these improvments may just detract from its creepypastaness, in that, it makes it more difficult to narrate and the kids want something short and simple. If you try to make them think too hard, or give them multiple characters with complex relationships they seem to get bored and snarky.