Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25225195-20140726134255/@comment-24381191-20140726222358

I agree with you, it's silly. I don't say that to be mean, but it's true. There is almost no story and we are thrown straight into the action without any explanation as to what's going on. Many readers might not even know what Terraria is (including me) and this is probably confusing for them. The first paragraph is really weak.

The paragraphing is weird, one paragraph's three lines, and the next drags on forever. There is almost no build up, and your phrasing is weird. What is the thing? Why go the police have weapons? How does the thing resemble both you and your brother. you used 'literally' where it was wholly unnecessary. Retards is capitalised for no reason. By the way, you have to start a paragraph every time someone speaks. What is the 'Buffy thing' and why is vampire capitalised? This makes no sense, including the end. Why is this randomly happening?

Needs alot of work before it can be up to quialtiy standards. By the way, I don't think video game pastas are allowed.