Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25987771-20160325002848/@comment-28055451-20160325195257

Hi! These are some tips: (Disclaimer: I judge the content, not the grammar itself. So don't come looking to me for grammar.)

"At a young age, we have a bad habit of getting ourselves into trouble." This is worded a bit awkwardly. using 'we' may not be your best choice. Just word-smith it a bit differently.

"“curiosity killed the cat,” and that’s extremely relevant with kids and teenagers. What I’m trying to say is, sometimes we stumble on things that are far out of our league or realm of understanding, and the prime time to pull stunts like this is when we’re at our most naïve and adventurous." It is a huge cliche to tell us something bad happened in the first paragraph or two of the story, and then delve into what happened itself. Mentioning the fact that you all got into trouble by being curious in the first paragraph spoils some of the story. I would leave most of this out.

"They looked like a giant, out of control zit growing on the ground, all fat and ready to pop." - The utter cringe I felt made me feel sick. Dude. Maybe a better description?

The ending is a bit odd. Also, It is slightly unbelievable. A giant snake-octopus monster lives back in this mini swamp where people come all the time to smoke and have sex, and no one noticed it? Besides, the first paragraph doesn't work well with the ending of the story. Curiocity played its role, but it didn't flow with the overall idea.It sounds like you are combining a story about how curiosity can lead to big problems with a story about a weird swamp-monster.

Furthermore, there was little overall suspense or dread in the story, and the monster is a bit boring. A giant octopus thing that eats people? It isn't bad, but it isn't terribly good either. Overall, the concept is okay, but I would work more on your monster and the ending.