Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26416562-20150620134820/@comment-24101790-20150620140914

Punctuation issues: "I awake in a dark musty room.", " I find a new note on the wall saying "enter."", "It is walking around(comma missing) searching for me." "I hear a kid(')s voice." apostrophes missing from words denoting possession.

Punctuation cont.:(")Good day, sir. Do you know who I am? I'm the one who brought you here. The one who is prey. I am the predator. I brought you here to hunt. It is never fun to kill without a grand hunt now is it? By the way, I killed your family. I did it in a rather brutal fashion too. Let the hunt begin my friend. I am quite hungry.("), (")Things are starting to calm down. My heart still pumps though. The description of such a beast is terrifying. What scares me the most is that something like that was just chasing me. Regathering my thoughts is hard. I find a flashlight in the corner of the hallway. These hallways don't end do they? Will I ever find the purple door?(") Notes and dialogue should be in single or double quotation to separate them from the narrative. Additionally the notes have some pretty awkward phrasing that will be covered below.

Wording issues: "zig zag." (zig-zag), "I a wife and two kids who all died in a tragic car accident.", "I just hear a thump.", "The one who is prey." (awkward phrasing), "I have to get our (out) of here.", "here in nowhere to go past here.", "My eyes take another scan yet again." (redundancy as another and again both imply the same thing.

Story issues: a lot of key plot points feel rushed. "By the way, I killed your family. I did it in a rather brutal fashion too." This needs explanation to build up pathos. The purpose of the story is to put the reader in the protagonist's shoes but the notes need to be more fleshed out and they need to react to them more. How exactly is the character hearing the player and has the player been silent all this time?