Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25395003-20140921101109/@comment-24101790-20140921143628

Besides the formatting errors (Don't put spaces at the start of new lines and you won't have that boxed text issue.)

Dialogue starts a new line and punctuation should go inside the quotations not outside of it. Additionally a change in who's speaking should also start a new line.

Finally this story bears (pun?) way too many similarities too Cupcakes the MLP darkfic. It just seems like you subbed out MLP for Carebears.