Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26112985-20151128235749/@comment-26112985-20151130002255

Banningk1979 wrote: Well, as I said before, I liked the original version, and I also like this one as well. Honestly, you did a great job with maintaining a lot of the feel from the first version, so, with that said, I was pleased that this one stayed close to the first formula.

What I love so much about this one is that it reminds me many ways of my start out in writing. Back before I got into writing about cults and demons, my big drive was old myseterious homes with bad intentions kept within. Games like Maniac Mansion on the NES, as well as movies like The People Under the Stairs, really got my motor running with writing. As a kid, I actually wrote a lot of short stories about such matters.

This story here captures both of those old elements that I really miss, and may have very well inspired my next stand alone, as I might tap back into those old ideas. I found the over all imagery within this one, and the orignal, to be gripping. Isolation is a scary thing, and being out in the middle of no-where in a big house is a very simple, yet effective horror concept.

Bring in the creepy clue that is found in the closet, and of course, the final outcome, and it creates a great atmosphere that feels both terrifying and realistic. People do go nuts with the loss of children and do some crazy things after all.

You did a fine job with this story, and I am glad that this remake wasn't a re-write. I think you cleaned up some of the technical issues, which is what I guess people were complaining about. If any advice were to be given, I would say add more to this. Expand your transitions and character interactions to give the cousins a bit more life perhaps, but other than that, it's a good pasta to me.

Excellent work, and keep on writing, you are very talented. Thank you for taking the time to look at this! I'm glad I managed to keep in with the feel of the original whilst adding in some new parts to make it a little better. I was honestly terrified that, by injecting newer bits of myself into my older writing, I would somehow lessen the overall qaulity. So it's nice to hear that my fears were false.

Mysterious houses with bad intentions kept within... this is something that very much interests me as well. The People Under the Stairs was without a doubt an underrated horror classic by master director Wes Craven. I must ask you, have you ever seen the film American Gothic? This is a unique 1980's horror flick that follows this formula. It concerns a group of teenagers who are forced to land on an island after their plane runs out of fuel. When they explore the island, they are greeted by a seemingly friendly couple who gladly take them into their household. However, they soon find out that not all is what it appears to be. It is wonderfully weird, creepy, and even a dash disturbing.

I'm glad I was able to make some old memories resurface. If you do decide to write a stand alone centered around these topics, please, leave a message on my talk. I would absolutely love to read it.

Soon enough I will replace the old version with this one, but really, who knows what is to come of this? I've really enjoyed going over this pasta and sprucing it up. I am currently thinking of going back once more and adding in some more scenes. Maybe I could talk about the relationship between Wayne and Clarissa (If anything, she does not love him, and sees him only as a means of bearing her children,) I could talk about the narrator's childhood at his Aunt's house (A confrontation with Clarissa?) I could have him talk to Mallory, so we could get a better view into her mind. Although I have been pretty busy as of late, perhaps I'll find the time to do all of this. After all, it would be fun.

In closing, I'm glad you liked this, thanks for you help.