Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26097843-20150215185753/@comment-26007602-20150215195605

Buddy, if you can't handle criticism, I don't know what yore doing here in the first place. We grade on your content, not your writing experience.

Let's go over grammatical issues: don't indent your paragraphs. Also, you need a space in between each paragraph so the story doesn't read like a wall of text. You need to capitalize the start of each sentence and names. Don't use all caps in a story, ever. It's unnecessary and unprofessional.

Your story has a very choppy flow to it. Your sentence structure consists of a good deal of run ons. Additionally, the story starts off very slowly; the way you introduced the two characters is not only meaningless (i don't need to know their extracurricular activities or what year of high school they are in), it's just lazy and uninteresting.

There's no build up or anything creepy in this story. Two friends hanging out, suddenly ski trip, then ghost girl. No tension whatsoever. The girl herself isn't scary at all; you're going to need to do something more original to stand out amongst the other numerous little girl ghost stories.

You include a ton of details that have no relevance to the story (the characters back stories for example), but lack many that are necsaary to the plot. You need to give us more details and descriptions of plot rlated activities.

I'd have to say that the dialogue just doesn't seem very well written. Try saying it out loud to see what I mean. Additionally, whoever finds the pink coat is needlessly dramatic with the ellipses. You only need three, not twenty.

Sorry this is so short of a review, I've got to be at work in ten minutes. This needs a serious amount of work to actually be passable.