Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26942449-20150913132701/@comment-26981196-20150913154057

A few things to note:

1. Check your grammer. There are a few instances where you have a word that is either in the wrong tense or should be completly removed. For example, in the line "They didn't saw any killer, Roxanne was up the tree", you wrote that they didn't saw any killer. The proper word to be used there is see, and in the line " Roxanne waved good bye to the Teacher and ran to the place *to* where the contest is held on", you should complely remove the "to" after where. I've marked it with an * to make it easier to find. If you are having trouble finding more grammer mistake, have a friend read through it, or read it out loud to yourself. It makes it a lot easier to find mistakes that way.

2. Dialogue. Your story has a lot of it. Ever hear the term "a little rain never kiled anyone?" I know that your story might thrive off of the speech between characters, but you should find a way to slim down on what you use.

3. Quotes. The same said for Dialogue goes for Quotes. Again, they are likely used to give the reader a better understanding of Roxanne, but trim down on them.

The story itself has a lot of potential. With a bit of editing and work, you will have yourself a fine creepypasta

