Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-39380631-20190513192316/@comment-35911608-20190514185143

PrenatalCranialDeformation wrote: RedNovaTyrant wrote: It feels a bit plain to me.

I know Night Crawler is just about some crazy monster that kills people and eats them, but if it were up to me, I'd adapt it from the song a bit more. You've got a 6000 word limit, make use of it, lengthen it out some more. There's not enough here to creep me out. Not sure how I feel about the creature repeating a line from the song.

You also have some tense-hopping issues; in the second paragraph, you start in present-tense, but then jump to past-tense.

Keep at it, and best of luck in the contest. Thank you for the feedback! Now that I look back on it, I agree it's a little too plain. I generally had it repeat verses from the song because it was repeated many many times in the song. The inconsitensies in the tense were my fault. Should probably fix that soon. I will elaborate more & more on the actual lyrical themes, detail, length, etc. Nice. I look forward to seeing the next draft :)