Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31283382-20161126153105/@comment-27905100-20161127030403

RaptorKillerX-Venture wrote: As Alex walked home from yet another (tiresome) day at the college, she couldn't help but to feel cheerful; after all, she and her boyfriend (had) planned a fun evening. She was just about to unlock the front entrance to her building, when a gloved hand appeared from the darkness and slapped the keys away. In an instant, all the cheer she felt was replaced by grim as cold as the night around her, when the tall figure dressed in black, face hidden by a large hat, and draped in tattered black cloak stepped out of the shadows. She was unable to scream, or make any sound at all. (How come she couldn't scream? Need to elaborate on this, otherwise kinda plot hole there) So she ran. Like she always did. (But this time was to be different; this time, she would not run away from her problem. This time, the problem would catch up.) Awkward Wording there bub, best rewrite it entirely or try changing it with words and see which works.

She ran into the side alley, hoping to lose her (pursuer). She ran past the garbage bins and a stray cat sitting on top of one, tearing a sack to shreds in search for leftovers, not even noticing the girl. As the shadowed figure slid into the alley, the cat stopped and faced the figure, completely frozen. The figure paid no heed to cat and continued to silently stride to its victim. As the figure passed, the cat dashed away, filled with the same nameless fear as the girl. But the cat had nothing to worry about.

Alex stopped, (struggling) for breath. She could hear nothing aside from her ragged breath and violent heartbeat. She thought she was safe.

(I'm gonna stop here, you need to establish why she can't scream, if you can't address that then it's kinda hard to ignore it in my opinion. Also avoid doing repetitions such as just/like/that/then/so and other words.)

P.S: You should really run your story through a spelling checker like Derpyspaghetti suggested as I spotted 4 spelling errors in the first few paragraphs.

Dammit, Raptor. I'm working on the exact same thing right now.

Okay, anyway, I'll review the story soon.