Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27838637-20160426151716/@comment-28060931-20160509163123

Hey A_O I enjoyed the story and had a hard time finding flaws, but I definitely want ot repay the feedback you gave me a while back. Even if it doesn't come close to the help you gave.

Firstly, did Mr. Tyrell die at the end? Unless I'm missing something, (Not unlikely) I think it breaks immerision and realism if a seemingly dead charecter re-counts a tale or talks, really.

Secondly, I think you should elaborate on the powers of the monster. Unless it's the infamous werewolf as hinted at by the transformation happenning when the moonlight shone on him. If so, make the fact it's a werewolf more clear, have some teeth showing, or him exhibiting some wolf-like behaviour or something.

Lastly, and this is a minor nitpick, I think when Max and tyrell are talking about hunting, you should replace the word murder when Max is saying: “Bullshit! You aren’t imposing, I go out hunting every weekend anyway. You’ll get to meet a few of the lads from town, and we can murder a few bunnies and kangaroos. You can’t pass it up.” with something less formal. I think it doesn't fit Maxs' charecter or the context. I'm saying to write 'Yo, homie lets ice some rabbits and pop a cap in a kangaroos ass', but something less formal would fit better.

I overall enjoyed this story, and with enough improvent this will more than likely be on the wiki. With enough work it might even be elected CPotM.