Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24864717-20140516034430/@comment-24864717-20140516051438

Resident DeVir wrote: I think you did a great job with this story. The grammar is good, the suspense is built quite well throughout the story, and I like the ending.

I don't know how you would make it longer without adding unnecessary paragraphs. Personally, I find the current length of the story just right.

I think this could be posted as an article. Actually, I'm quite sure it could. Thank you for the kind comments.

There were a couple of other paragraphs in an earlier version that didn't make this cut, so I'm glad that you agree that they may not have been needed.

Booboofinger wrote: The sense of foreboding can definately be kicked up a notch.

From what I gathered, the ashes were actually the boys cremated body. But was he creamated there (which would be a tad unbelievable) or were they on an urn and it got spilled there? And if the kid did not die there, why was he haunting the place anyway?

You don't actually have to spell this out, but i think it would add to the story if you suggested  or alluded to why the boy was haunting the place to begin with. Maybe some old tennant knows something and refuses to talk about it, maybe the manager knows too...

Hope this helps. It's a good concept and a good start. Thanks for the critique.

The truth is that while I have a few theories on what happened to the kid and why he's there, I am far from certain about it. Maybe you're right, and it would be a bit creepier if I were to hint at an explanation. I'll definitely consider that line of thought in future pieces.