Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28420405-20160609170413/@comment-27008899-20160610024124

Apart from some minor misspellings, "drinking and dugs" and one or two missing quotation marks, I would say this was written pretty well as far as grammar. There is a lot here that does not help the story along. The beginning about getting the permit and the part with dinner seemed like fluff. We are already aware of the boy from the phone conversation. The ending seemed a little over blown. While finding a crazed killer in your back seat is pretty freaky, the fact he was able to kill everyone at the party seemed a little much. Finally you never go into your protag's reaction to hearing of her best friends death, it just kind of ends with a warning. There will be some who like this a lot for what it is, but I would say it's just ok.