Talk:A New Mannequin Arrived at Work/@comment-36393004-20190104143516

Not a terrible idea but the structure is awkward. I really don't like the bullet list in the middle of your story either. It breaks the flow for a reader.

Also: "One night about a month back, we broke two mannequins. Much to our dismay, and our boss, we needed to buy a couple of new ones. Our boss was livid with us because apparently, those things cost about 2 grand each. 2 fucking grand for a fake kid."

This reads horrible, especially the second sentence. When writing a number the general rule is that if the number is less than ten you write out the word instead of using the digit. So, it should be "two fucking grand for a fake kid". I removed the Diary/Journal category because this is not a Diary/Journal entry. It is a story being relayed by someone who worked in a retail store. The Diary/Journal category is for stories that are prefaced with date/time stamps for each entry and are the mental notes of someone recalling events in their life.