Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33488654-20180828005908/@comment-33488654-20180829121213

Vngel W wrote: Steven&quot;SpringBubba&quot;Savoy wrote: Alright. It was Vngel's suggestion.

Lol no I use brackets to help pinpoint where in the sentence it needs the change. I apologize for the confusion. Don't include the bracket itself.

Also, there are areas where you still have a period instead of comma within the dialogue. Unless at the end, the dialogue should use a comma not a period because it isn't the end of a sentence -- it includes a dialogue tag (Ex: Mike said, I replied, she snapped).

Comma application example:

(1) "Look[,]" I said, "I don't know where he is. He left me!"

(2) "That's okay[,]" Alex said with a smile.

Period application example:

(1) "That's all I have for today[.]"

(2) "Mike," Carol started, "let me help you[.]"

Please see below for the areas that still need to be addressed: NOTE: You cut off that last half of your story too. I included below as well.

"Just tell us gain so we can be sure we got it straight[,]" he replied in the same tone.

"Fine[,]" I said angrily.

"It was before labor day. I had taken a pregnancy test. I was pregnant from the one night stand I had with some guy I met two weeks before. I had forgotten to use protection. I tried to find the man a couple hours after I took the test, but he was nowhere to be found as he had already left the state the week prior. I guessed I'd just have to go it alone since I didn't really feel like finding a guy[,]" I answered.

"I just didn't feel like going through the whole spiel of dating again after my boyfriend had dumped me months prior[,]" I answered.

"What happened befoer the pregnancy test?" the detective asked.

"It was the middle of the summer, July I think. I had just gotten a dog a week before. It was a Siberian Husky. The World Cup/Summer Olympics was on[,]" I answered.

"Alright, what happened after you got the [Husky]?" [the] detective asked.

"It was August [24th,] 2003, something had started to feel a bit off about the dog. He is just doing his usual stuff and being his usual self. But I still can't help but feel that he might be wanting to do something to my baby. I guessed I'd have to keep a watchful eye on him to make sure he didn't try to do anything to the baby[,]" I answered.

"What happened after you first started to feel something off about the dog?" [the] detective asked.

"It was September [5th, ] 2003, I was still feeling a bit off about my [Husky][;] it got worse and I was starting not to trust him anymore. He was still acting like his usual self. However, I still hadn't been able to shake this feeling for a week that he was going to do something when my back was turned to him. And I could've sworn his eyes looked a little more aggressive than usual, and that his teeth looked a little sharper than usual. I just hoped he didn't hurt me or the baby or make a bad mess. I also hoped that the changes I had seen on him were just a bad dream[,]" I answered.

"What happened after the supposed changes? When did you start to hear the voices in your head you said about?" [the] detective asked.

"It was September [13th ] 2003, I couldn't take it anymore. My fear that my [Husky] who I once thought was so sweet was actually a savage, predatory beast in disguise was just starting to cripple me. I had even installed cameras inside the house to watch and make sure it didn't cause any trouble. I had started hearing the voice of a small girl in my head saying over and over again [']The disgusting mutt is evil mama. Slay that thing.['] I feared I was starting to go insane. I despised that disgusting thing. I just wanted it out of my life. But there weren't any shelters close by, so I was pretty much on my own with that demon. I said to myself[,] [']If this gets any worse though, I'm taking matters into my own hands[,][']" I answered. Oh, okay.