Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26444401-20160108013120/@comment-4715955-20160108080233

This was written and submitted without any proofreading. Passages like she saw the seventeen-year-old version of me that was not the sixteen-year-old version of me and that version died when I was 18.5 years old are confusing to read. Passages like probable was it was an hour away are impossible to decipher: are you trying to say "Probably because" or "Problem was"?

There's zero investment in the characters, and zero tension, and 90% of the story appears to be padding leading up to a "shock" ending that comes completely out of nowhere.

Read more horror fiction to see how it's done. And don't upload stories you didn't bother to proofread: you should be re-reading and editing every story you write for at least a week before submitting to other people, not conceiving them in the submission box and clicking "send" as soon as you reach the end.