Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33077235-20190317031024/@comment-9041013-20190318001323

This feels like a lot of standalone sentences crammed in together, it doesn't feel like much of a story for the most part.

Might be because it's so disorganized, the plot feels really jumpy and all over the place. Things move to fast and the characters don't feel like people at all, it's like this weird anime I've seen once where the hero is called "Hero" and another character is named "King" (even though it's supposed to be a queen). You need to make your characters more relatable and humans, I mean, your narrator is called Denver, Denver what or maybe What Denver? "Denver" isn't exactly a real name. Not to mention how "Chief" isn't a name at all, it's a title.

Give your characters actual character, why would a man take the death of his beloved pet so easily?

Why does the demon do what he does, why does the plot even occur? What's the point of everything?

The ending is really confusing, does he see an alternate self of his dead? Is he really dead, is he in some other dimension, what's going on there?

Make sure the characters seem real, the plot makes a certain progression and that there is a sort of sense to things.