Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26360867-20160127055942/@comment-24101790-20160127062809

It was deleted for not being up to quality standards. There are a lot of problems here ranging from punctuation, capitalization, wording, and story issues. Starting with the basics that were present in the story I deleted, a majority of it was in bold. You also shift the format from single to sometime triple-spaced words without really any reason.

Capitalization: Improperly capitalizing words after dialogue. "“Thanks.” She (she) said with a shrug.", "love of art.” She (she) explained.", "my friend.” He (he) said,", etc. Unless you start a new sentence or are using a proper noun, you shouldn't capitalize the proceeding word. "55, 57, 59… (Fifty-five)" As it's the start of a sentence, it should be written out and capitalized.

Capitalization issues cont.: Improperly capitalized words " I was scrolling on facebook (Facebook)", " I fell to the ground, The (the) last thing", "not-so-well-known Experiment", "I looked at her computer and saw an E-Mail from Liam97", etc.

Punctuation: Not properly using punctuation in dialogue. "Thanks.” She", "“Here, I brought you something.” He (he) said.", "“She left my dorm pretty early.” He said", "“Unless no one snitches(comma missing)” He said", etc. You should only use a period if the dialogue ends the entire sentence. Punctuation missing before dialogue. "I casually responded with “Because most will land you in jail and/or get you killed.”' Punctuation left outside of dialogue. "“My boyfriend, Liam”."

Punctuation issues: apostrophes missing from contractions. "“Im sure" Hyphens missing from compound words. "hand held", "maggot infested", etc. Stutters/stammers should really be indicated with a hyphen. "“Do, do you like her?”"

Wording issues: Improper wording. "Me and my friends", "Me and Ethan", "Me and Ethan headed back", "me and Lisa", etc. Typos: " I decided to pay hima visit", " jumping at Kiara, scarring (sic) both me and her half to death.", etc. There's also a number of

Story issues: A lot of your story is spaced out into single lines. Sometimes you even cut off dialogue coming from the same person into two new lines with little to no reason. "“Do, do you like her?” Ethan asked, a tint of insanity creeping into his voice. “Here, I brought you something.” He said." The story feels very rushed and glossed over. The epilogue with Ethan's mother feels incredibly rushed and jumps decades without any proper build-up to time passing.

There are way too many coincidences here that break the story's believability. Kiara paints the experiment shortly before Ethan decides to enact it, and the protagonist just happens to find directions to warehouse 63 as he left them up on his computer. Finally the police show up with little reference through-out the story of them being alerted, but coincidentally enough going at the exact time the protagonist is under duress. A few coincidences are fine, but too much makes it hard to believe. I'm sorry, but there were a lot of issues here and the story feels fairly rushed and has story issues.