Board Thread:Writer's Showcase/@comment-43632659-20190826202857/@comment-34823985-20190830222623

First off, you need to break this up into paragraphs. It will make it a little easier to read.

The entire thing was covered in bloody handprints, but they didn't have reflections, [like... like... no.]

The ellipses really don't work since the protagonist is writing this after the fact. Plus, the handprints would only give off a very slight reflection if the blood was kind of thick. I experimented with shaving cream on my bathroom mirror. Oh, the lengths I will go. :)

The shaving cream print did leave a reflection, but I had to press my cheek to the mirror beside the print to see it. It's plausible the protagonist noticed the lack of reflection when trying to scrub the prints off, so my findings don't really affect the story. I figured I'd share anyway since I did muck up my mirror. :)

When I was trying to sleep, though, 1-[I heard something. It sounded like something was talking to me.] It was coming from the mirror's side of the room. 2-[I felt my spine tingle, scared, but nervously laughed it off, thinking I was imagining it and went back to sleep.] A week later (one absolutely terrifying week during which I refused to turn my back to the mirror because 3-[I was scared something would stab me from behind)]

1- What did it sound like? Could the protagonist make out any words or was it indecipherable?

2- How long did the protagonist lie there before falling back asleep? While lying awake in the dark, did the protagonist imagine what the thing might look like or maybe what its motives might be?

3- A whole week to imagine what that something could be. Why did the protagonist worry the something would get all stabby? What was going through the protagonist's head?

[A week later (one absolutely terrifying week during which I refused to turn my back to the mirror because I was scared something would stab me from behind) the blood still hadn’t come off, and because I was about to move houses (my mom’s decision, not mine, I’m 13) I was trying to clean it again.]

This is a bit of a run-on sentence. You could easily break this into 2 - 4 sentences. Worded differently, the s wouldn't be necessary. They can cause the reader to lose track of the initial point if they go on for too long. My feeling is the secondary point should be a sentence all its own if it's as long or longer than the initial point in the sentence.

Okay, on to the ending. What did the thing in the mirror look like? Was it scarier than what the protagonist had imagined over the past week or so? The protagonist is leery of mirrors now, but is that all? Do Jolly Ranchers or anything else bring up thoughts of the thing? What does a life avoiding mirrors look like? It can't be easy. Reflective surfaces are everywhere.

I hope this helps with your story. Good luck.