Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27918298-20160305064949/@comment-24101790-20160305071421

There are quite a lot of issues here ranging from capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues. After three minutes of reading ( a one page story), I decided there were way too many issues present for it to pass quality standards.

Capitalization issues: Improperly capitalizing sentences. "Hel…lo?” A (a) voice said.", "“You…take…are…” The (the) voice", "“Think…where… mist.” It (it) said", "“Are you alright?” My (my) mom called from the kitchen." etc. Unless you are starting a completely new sentence or starting with a proper noun after dialogue, you shouldn't capitalize the sentence.

Punctuation issues: Punctuation missing where needed. "A sound came from outside. A (a) low growling noise.", "“Think…where… mist.” It said", etc. Dialogue is a continuation of a sentence unless the dialogue comes to a full stop and has no continuation.

Wording issues: You have a lot of fragmented/incomplete sentences. "A voice said.", "I froze.", "Realization dawned.", etc. Using too many fragmented sentences gives the story a very unfinished/choppy feel.

Story issues: In the latter half, the story feels extremely rushed and lacking drive. As this is the point where you should be building up the scene or the protagonist/antagonist, this really results in an uninteresting story. There really isn't a lot here to involve the audience and the lack of driving plot really results in an un-involving story. There is quite a lot of work to be done here (which was why I deleted it for quality standards in the first place.). I would strongly advise completely re-writing it if you were planning on making an appeal as it's fairly late and I've likely overlook a number of issues.