Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25036236-20140610182645/@comment-24821182-20140610185231

First of all, there's way too much excess spacing. Why is there so much space between paragraphs? It makes your story seem much longer than it is.

Second, "vacuumed", "many", "that", "this", and "extremely" shouldn't be in all-caps; if you want to add emphasis to a word, write in cursive. You should also write in cursive when typing a character's thoughts, to differentiate it from spoken dialogue. You forget the apostrophe in "let's". You never need more than one exclamation mark after a sentence, so don't add two or three.

Third, there's the lack of story. You created an OC character and wrote the story around her, which is a bad idea as you confuse having your character go on a rampage with writing an actual story. The character is clichéd as well, and I strongly suggest you read this blog to understand why it's bad to write a story around a character, rather than use characters to tell a story. To me, the whole thing comes off as an author's attempt to make a new Jeff the Killer or Laughing Jack.

Fourth, why couldn't the narrator get a sketch artist to draw Lucia for them? The anime drawing certainly wouldn't be very useful to the police.

I don't think this meets  know this doesn't meet quality standards