Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33451975-20171023174304/@comment-27012445-20171107135326

I was intrigued by the story initially, so I was a bit disappointed how the story never did anything interesting or unique. Its nicely paced and the writing skills are quite good, but the plot is too weak at the moment. My first issue is with the dialogue. I couldn't tell if it was present day or in the 50's. The magician was bland and the whole conflict was not interesting and the conclusion was anti-climatic.

All in all, wouldn't entirely abandon this story, but it does need work. It needs a more modern feel or even more realistic interactions and speech between the characters. Make the magician more interesting and incorporate why he kills. You don't have to give his whole motivation away up front, it can be a mystery. you could also make the magician into a Criss Angel character, so it would make sense why the girls would flock to him. Find or come up with a more unique and interesting trick. come up with a better ending