Talk:The Raffle/@comment-25037895-20140820011746

Sorry MyStreve, but I have to disagree. There's awesome parts to this story but there was a number of clichés. And this doesn't make any sense to me; shitting on somebody using the word excrement, as if it was a science experiment. That description is lacking.

If you're going to come out and say I want shit on someone, then maybe add some more powerful vernacular. An evil being that wanted to shit on people is just kind of off anyway. But, I don't believe this "monster" would use such polite terminology. That is my two-cents. For the right feel I would use the words, "releasing my vile discharge," or something slightly more creative, like that.

hen you wrote, "I am a fairly big monster..." it just doesn't have the right description there either. It is a very run-of-the-mill sentence. Why is it important?

The rest was good, though. I did appreciate the well-described atmosphere, and at times, the character perspective was entertaining.