Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26112985-20151128235749/@comment-26112985-20151130002721

SoPretentious wrote: Here's a typo:
 * "I looked again upon (the) child on the other end of the room."

The aunt seems a bit of a cookie-cutter type character, the story is a little predictable, and the wording is a bit overcooked and predictable (not revealing). The orphan child is thrown in to add suspense, and that scene is not keeping my attention. The other child that replaces the orphan is thrown in to keep the story going, pushing the plot along. Why is the main character searching around the aunt's house? This is a plot pusher, the build-up should have more events to make the intensity between the characters rise. How can I fix the wording on this pasta? Can you give me an example on where my wording was overcooked and predictable, and then show me how to fix it? Thanks if you can, because that seems to be the main issue on why this was Marked for Review.