Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24800815-20150426162030/@comment-26007602-20150426170701

First off, fix the font so that it's the default text the rat of the wiki uses.

The main issue I have with this story is how predictable it is. A lot of stories use the unreliable narrator talking about someone who is dead or incapicitated as if they were completely normal. As soon as I read about their fight, I knew Alicia was in trouble. That's not a good thing, as the ending loses a lot when I already know the twist. As for how to make it a bit less predictable, I don't have much for you. Maybe give them some "dialogue" so you can realize the main character has snapped and imagined her alive? Or perhaps Alicia's family comes to the narrators home and is the one to reveal Alicia's condition, while the narrator reacts hostilely or nonchalantly. Or maybe he uses Alicia's withered body as a grotesque puppet to convince himself or her family that she's in good condition. Just ideas.

I don't think a family can drop rape charges. If you accuse someone of rape, then I believe the government will prosecute them regardless of the family's wishes. It's like with murder; you can't just say, "oh he murdered my brother, but we're cool now, let him go." Maybe I'm incorrect, but I don't think it's the best way to get them together. Maybe put them in an arranged marriage or something, or even some incestual thing, to show how really fucked up Alicia's family is, while showing how our narrator has no familial support of his own. Or leave, that was kind of a nitpick.

Other than that, I think it's well written enough and didn't spot any glaring grammatical errors.