Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26562141-20160723213816/@comment-24101790-20160723221246

To be perfectly honest, it doesn't really work as a micro pasta due to the commonplace premise and the lack of focus/build-up. I have this guide on my talk page for users attempting to write flash fiction with advice from Steam Phoenix and myself that will go into more depth.

From the guide on what makes a micro pasta effective: "It is effectively told, sets up the story, and has a satisfying resolution." Your story is really lacking an effective resolution of any type. The story ends with just the protagonist glimpsing the smiling face and there really isn't any idea of intent or conclusion. The audience could infer anything here. Maybe the face belongs to an escaped convict, maybe it belongs to a neighbor asking for sugar? Without detail, the story really isn't effective at eliciting a response. In the end, this feels more like the set-up for a story rather than a complete plot. A story like this needs to be fleshed out as it feels incomplete/unfinished without detail/focus.

The concept has been done to death in micro pasta form as well. There's even a more fleshed-out story on the site that is essentially the same concept, just more fleshed out: The protagonist gets out of bed to get a glass of milk, fills up the glass, gets distracted by a noise and returns only to find the glass empty. I've even tried my hand at a home invasion this concept. It's a pretty common premise that really doesn't work without detail in a bare bones format. It has a set-up and execution but without any real detail, it feels anemic and hastily written.

In the end, it feels like a by-the-numbers story without any real attempt to make it unique or interesting or give it a satisfying resolution. The audience realizes what's going to happen right at the start and when it does happen without any real sense of tension or build-up, it just feels anti-climatic and uninteresting. I'll wrap it up with this, flash fiction is hard to write. You have to use the limited space to tell the story effectively and give the audience implications of what's happened so they can build a backstory and the premise can stick.