Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31919033-20170807060233/@comment-31919033-20170816072607

AViciousRainbow wrote:

I noticed you used the ' symbol where a " would be used. But I also noticed you used the spelling of color "colour" which suggests you're from a different country than myself. Maybe I'm not super familiar with grammar in other countries, but normally dialouge is used with quotes (") rather than an apostrophe ('). Apostrophes being used when there is a quote within a quote. Now, this wiki does allow other forms of the english language, so if it is normal to use the ' symbol instead of " where you are, don't make any changes.

I'm from the Netherlands, so we use British spelling. In Dutch grammar (for as far as I know), we use " to quote other people, while ' is used for dialogue.

AViciousRainbow wrote:

You also do not need to have so many paragraphs. It becomes excessive and makes the story look longer than it actually is. You really only need to change the paragraphs when something changes like a speaker or event. I think that happened because I copied the story from my blog. So, the spacing kinda messed up, as the original version of the story has normal spacing.

AViciousRainbow wrote: [...] he (it, there hasn't been an established gender for the balloon until now which is awkward as it flip flops between it and he) I did that intentionally. Tom starts to see the balloon as something like person, while Vincent still sees a balloon. If Vincent would refer to the balloon in chapter 2, he would also call it a "he".

AViciousRainbow wrote:

Otherwise, I must say I really found the story charming (until the end where it goes dark quickly). What seemed like a sweet and innocent story really took a demented twist. I was engaged the whole time which is great. I found the characters to be likable and realistic. I really enjoyed the idea of the story as well. Great job and great story. I would just work on the grammar and mechanical aspects more. Otherwise, the story itself is well written. Thank you so much, really glad you liked it. Your comment certainly helped a lot. Tomorrow, I'll read my story aloud and make the first edits.