Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9041013-20170201195638/@comment-31111342-20170203165938

BloodySpghetti wrote: YawningLion wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: YawningLion wrote: Thing is though, even though I liked the inclusion of real life mental disorders that do affect Ruby, it's still a "bullied kid gets revenge" story at it's core. I can't be scared of a person with Antisocial Personality Disorder if their actions are still made to seem justified thanks to what the bullies did. I wound up feeling sympathy for Ruby and that made it impossible to find anything in the story scary, except I guess for the part with the dead dog but only because I don't like animals being hurt. Other than that...eh. It's similar to Jeff's story, though the explanation for why he went nuts was much more poorly handled, considering that Ruby has no empathy where Jeff just had a feeling.

It's not a bad story on it's own if the grammar is fixed, but it just falls flat as a horror story. Also minus impossible stuff, pretty much

Y'know... bleach does not burn.... and you go blind without eyelids Also true, but I was really just referring to the general plot of the story, if you even consider what Jeff went through to be "bullying". Yeah I didnt say anything to oppose that... I'm aware. But whether or not your story has more realism doesn't mean it's better, is my point. Bullied-kid-getting-revenge stories just aren't scary, unless in the hands of a writer who can do something different. You took a decent step by adding mental disorders, but still fell into the trap of making Ruby's actions seem justified.