Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24381191-20140904164608/@comment-24381191-20140905154116

Mystreve wrote: I like the premise, but I agree with the other posters that some more length and detail would be better. It has a sci-fi/surreal vibe to it (which is very much my cup of tea), but it is very difficult to present well in the length you made it.

I'd suggest fleshing out some more details as the character approaches the fringes of the atmosphere; perhaps what he thinks is a hallucination is actually happening? Or something like that.

Besides that, you have a pretty nasty run-on sentence in the beginning there:

" I didn't bother wiping it, in a while, it wouldn't matter, it would all be over soon."

This could just be:

"I didn't bother wiping it. Why should I? It wouldn't matter because it would all be over soon."

I think there were one or two other minor mechanical things too that are easily fixable.

Anyway, good job so far with what you've got. How about "Earthly Remains" as a title? :) Thanks for taking the time to read this, Streve. I'm glad you like this, and I agree, it could be better if it was more fleshed out. I'll copy/paste your version of the sentence, it's alot better than what I wrote.

PS: Earthly Remains sounds really cool as a title but I think it doesn't fit the story (sorry:P) it would seem nice if it was for a story in which Earth has been ravaged by nuclear war, and a handful of survivors struggle to live.