Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20150406162649/@comment-25024572-20150408105622

A-3 Loki wrote: I'll say now I never read the first version, but I can see why it got feedback. It was messed up what happened to the former hero, but a realistic outcome. Most of society generally fall victim to the "Halo effect," and chose to avoid aiding. Of course its likely to happen in congested areas than less populated ones.

Anyway the only thing I saw was, you could replace "try and live," with "try to live," sometimes(optional). I'll read over it again when I'm not swamped in school work.

Personally I don't think it sucks. It brings up some of the truth in humanity, on how when visual example (model) disappears it causes an effect where some people fall into doing opposite or drastic things. I like psychology, so I liked your story.

First, thank you for commenting and the positive feedback. Good to know you like it.

You're right about changing "try and live," to "try to live,"; that just sounds better.

And if you're curious about the first draft, I've got the link here:

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:442566#10