Talk:Personal Demons/@comment-26054278-20151011015151

Late reviews, yay. Always my favorite things to tackle.

So, "Personal Demons", an interesting story about little voices/demons in a man's head, and how that affects him. Not much to say in order to not give everything away, but I suppose this story isn't incredibly long, so anyone reading this review before reading the story just read the story first.

What really works here is the fact that this is a well-written story with disturbing elements. The concept here is one that is very creepy to think about and seems to make logical sense, but it is truly the writing that is able to get this across. Some of the descriptions for the voices and the dialogue is very well chosen to get across to the reader the horror of these demons.

There is also some creativity here, despite the fact that part of this feels very ripped-off. It feels a little similar to Tulpa, and I couldn't stop being reminded of that story when reading this. When it got to the part where the character literally went to a "tulpa forum", it just seemed a little uncanny to that pasta. However, I still found some original merit throughout this pasta.

Lastly, I personally like the ending and I think the beginning was a pretty decent way to introduce everything. It all makes sense and both are satisfying in their own way.

However, this story has faults. For example, I felt the pacing was a little rushed at points. I feel like a couple parts closer to the ending could have been expanded at least by a small amount to make it flow a little better as a story. Even then, the pasta was a little predictable, so maybe an expansion in length would have made that element worse. Either way, there are problems.

I think the negative factor that made this story go from maybe something really great to just good was the development of the character. We really don't know nothing about them at first, so I really had no reason to be invested until things got creepier. Also, the ending could have been really powerful if we had been shown all the bad things this person apparently did and had been able to identify and like them from the beginning, but since we know little about them and he only mentions that he has done terrible things (we don't really even get many details, it almost seems like it was hastily thrown in there), the suicide ending, although still a decent ending, lacks a lot of impact that could have elevated it into something of amazing quality.

As a whole, I'd say it was worth the read, but some character traits and development would have went a long way. 72/100.