Talk:The Runaway/@comment-26011836-20150406013557

So after reading this pasta, here are my thoughts on it:

PROS:


 * This story knows how to build suspense as it progresses. Through out the story, the phrase "I want to stay me" is repeated. The meaning behind the phrase is kept vague, which is a good way to keep the audience wondering what the phrase means until the end. Granted there are a few hints at to what the phrase could mean here and there, but even then the hints aren't very obvious or specific.


 * The Officer Daniels character is a likeable protagonist whose decisions are understandable . In the story, we are told that he is no stranger to cases of runaway children and when he picks up the runaway girl at the diner, he doesn't get much information out of her when he asks her why she ran away. The only information she gives for a motivation at first is "I want to stay me". We do learn a bit more about the meaning of the phrase later on and with the information he has gathered from the girl, he tries his best to understand the situation that the girl is in. Using both the information and his experience, he comes to the conclusion that she ran away because she didn't want to follow the rules, which is obviously not the case later in the story. Given that the information for the girl's motivation to runaway is vague, it's understandable as to why he came to that conclusion. Even when he does come to this conclusion and returns the girl to her parents, he's still confused as to what the girl means by " I want to stay me". With that said, he didn't bring the girl back to her parents and misinterpret her motivation out of malice but rather confusion, which is understandable given the information presented in the story.

CONS:


 * Some of the sentences in this story are too fragmented. This may not seem like that big of an issue, but there are enough of these sentences to become rather distracting to the audience. For example: "Daniels' horror broke. He turned and ran. He heard the raspy voice raise an octave." And "Nothing got a response. The girl stared blankly out of the window. They had been driving in complete silence for an hour and a half when Daniels finally just asked his question."


 * I felt like the ending was a bit too over the top in comparison to the rest of the story. You see, most of the story is subdued and realistic. However, the ending feels like it just comes out of nowhere and shatters the mood that the story has set up. Though some could argue that by making the ending's mood contrast with the rest of the story, it makes it more unexpected and effective in giving scares. However, this makes the ending seem rather unfitting and it seems like it belongs in a completely different story.

Overall, this is a rather decent story. I like the subdued mood it creates, the Officer Daniels character is a likable protagonist, and I like the mystery the story builds up to. I think if the story were to focus on the elements a bit more and fixed up the ending to match the mood of the rest of the story, I think I may have liked it alot more. But as is, It's a decent story that is worth a least one read through.