Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24841732-20140425152259/@comment-24929924-20140513224609

Reeeaaaally fast, I wanted to bring up a small point- when you have the guy look at his smartphone and realize he's late, I'd recommend trying to find a way to denote it as dialogue or thought. Maybe italicized dialogue, or some such thing. As it is, even though it's pretty clear what the intent is, the jump of perspective/flow is a bit awkward.

I'm in a bit of a hurry atm, but I'll come back later and do a bit more of a review and hopefully be able to offer some helpful suggestions:)