Talk:The Abalone Thief/@comment-5632489-20150226012054

Whoa...this was quite a ride. I absolutely LOVE the description you gave here, and like Natalo below me said, it's obvious a huge amount of effort was dished out here. I could immediately notice that you absolutely knew what you were talking about from the very first mention of the abalone. I also love your details of the coast and the remote mysteriousness of the area, and I really felt as though I could feel the setting at some points.

And of course the brief speech: "Eating some for our own strength, bringing back armfuls of others for the great one who slept out in the ocean depths: the dark lord who was awakening and who would soon rise in a fury of black leathery wings and tentacles." Oh yes, I love it.

Some things I noticed though:

-The formatting is a bit wonky here. I assume it has something to do with the pictures. For example: "...avoiding the crescent of jagged rocks that rose up out of the

black water and fog." Just like that. I'm not sure how to fix it, but I'd check it out, might be the placement and or size of the pictures.

-Also noticed this little line: "I also felt very, very scared, though I couldn’t say why." You should try and expand on that more, like showing how he's scared rather than just telling us he is. Though this is a story set in first person so that's not a big problem, as you're telling the story directly through a character's eyes.

-The build up to the ending, even though the imagery and atmosphere of the ending itself is fantastic, seemed a bit rushed. Not anticlimactic of course, but I felt like it was easy to tell that the sheriff was a member of the cult, when he dismissed Suzy's death so aloofly.

Other than that, this is a great Lovecraftian pasta (we need more of those here) and I'd love to see more of your stories, especially of this subgenre. Overall, great read. :)