Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26112849-20150215182134/@comment-25226524-20150215190305

Well there are a lot of issues with this story, and it would be deleted quickly as it stands. Your sentences are very short and choppy. There is no scene or character development whatsoever. This also needs to be broken up into at least three paragraphs due to the number of sentences. There are also a number of technical/grammar issues: 'parents room' should be 'parents' room', 'peaked my interest' should be 'piqued my interest', 'The note read this', should be 'The note read:'

Those are just a few of the issues, but there are others. He could only find a butter knife in the kitchen? Most kitchens are full of butcher knives and steak knives which would be a much more likely choice. The cops didn't answer? That kills any suspension of disbelief that we had left because 911 operators always answer. Also, that closing paragraph doesn't really make any sense. I think you need to do some more reading to get a better idea of what a well developed story is supposed to look like. Your writing was understandable for the most part, so I'm sure you can do better with some practice. You'll really need to put some effort into completely rewriting this story if you want it to have any impact and have any chance of not being deleted. I also recommend you read the writing advice under the Community tab at the top of the page before going any further.

All in all this story is very unclear and just doesn't work. Expand it, keep practicing, and maybe it will turn into something. Keep writing. Good luck.