Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35925826-20180818120135/@comment-35911608-20180819030747

HouzeMan wrote: RedNovaTyrant wrote: Mmmm. Needs work. The problems with the whole story so far can be summed up as "show, don't tell." There's a LOT of telling going on here, and it doesn't make for very interesting reading. Starting it off as a "part 1" of something also doesn't help too much, but that may be more of my own opinion, Idk if anyone else will concur.

Haunted records have been done before, but I kinda have an interest in this "winter desert" you've introduced. Just keep working at it and I'll check back when the next draft is available :) thank you very much for your advice. I know that the "Show, don't tell" technique is pretty hard, but i will still try to make the next part more interesting.

I'd... fix this part up first before moving on to part two.