Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25114042-20140703060837/@comment-24381191-20140704095450

TerrorStories wrote:

Sykokillah wrote: It needed more development. It also had alot of typos. I'm not gonna mention them cause I'm too lazy to read it again and point them out, but you should give it a proofread. The fact that Jeremy goes nuts for no reason makes no sense. And I don't think the bullies can be called 'friends'. He kills chicks and yo mama for no reason is like a WTF moment for me.

Also, the cheerleaders could have just run away or even fought him, as there is no way he killed half of the squad and got the others to let him tie them up. This is a hugantic (huge+gigantic) plot hole. Another hole is that your mom doesn't (pardon my language) give a fuck about you. You were freakin' covered in piss and blood, yet when you said it was nothing, she's like, 'Eh, I didn't give a shit about him anyway.' This is another major plot hole.

Someone pointed this out about Jeff the Killer too, that, just because someone is insane, they don't don't feel pain. If you didn't understand that completely weird sentence that I just wrote/typed, I was saying that insane people do feel pain too. Ever read a Batman comic, one that has the Joker in it? The Joker feels pain. Also, if Jeremy doesn't feel pain, I'm pretty sure he would at least bleed out. Ah, yes. It had a ton of typos, lol. There is something wrong with my computer and autocorrect... But I'll definitely fix it. :D And I didn't make it clear in the ending, (everything after the breaking news was just random off the top of my head) but Jeremy's skin had been taken by a demon, who had been the laughing thing following the main character home earlier.

Man, I need to do a ton of work fixing this, lol. I meant to call the main character Michael, but i forgot to add it in. Right when I was about to go back and tweak everything, I had to put my computer away. XD For the part with the mom not giving a fuck, she was concerned and wanted to help, but Michael insisted he was fine. I was going to add something like, "She's seen me come home in much worse condition many times before, so she assumed I wanted to be left alone."

During what part are you saying Jeremy didn't feel pain? I don't remember writing that... The end is a complete mess that needs to be fixed. Like, ASAP. XD Thank you for the feedback! I'll definitely use your advice. I was saying that he had half of his face torn off, he would feel pain, that was the part I was talking about, and disregard the Joker thing, since obviously he would feel painn when he got a guy to cut his face off.