Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-38956976-20190328232205

*This is the first draft I have of this, all critique is greatly appreciated, especially with the ending*

The Hunchback

'''A haze started to fall as I made my way out of my office building. After a rather grueling work session, I wanted nothing more than to just sit back and relax in the comfort of my home. Thanks to construction being done in the firm's parking lot, I had to park my car in a lot a couple blocks down. I made my way down the city streets, with stained street lights struggling to illuminate my path. As I walked down the street, the decrease in people made itself apparent. It felt as if the city was becoming more and more desolate with each step I took, practically turning into a ghost town. I walked past multiple alleyways, filled with the usual trash and the occasional sleeping homeless man. However, in one of the alleyways I passed, something caught my eyes. I stopped, and slowly paced back to see what it was. '''

'''What appeared to be a person was standing a couple feet into the alleyway. With moonlight coming from right above, I was able to make out most of his features. His posture was odd, almost as if he had a hunchback. His washed out green shirt and brown pants looked very tattered, the shirt hardly having sleeves and the pant legs reaching down only to his knees. He had no socks or shoes, despite the snow and ice on the ground. The most disturbing thing about him was his head. It was freakishly huge, almost as large as a beach ball, and it was almost shaped like one too. What creeped me out even more was the lack of facial features. No nose, no hair, and no ears, at least from what I could see. In fact, all he had was two little beady eye holes, two nostril holes, wrinkles, and a wide, toothless, feeble looking smile. It took me a bit to process what I was seeing. I then started to chuckle, realizing that it must have been a costume, albeit a very well made one. I laughed it off, and as I was heading back, I heard an exhausted sounding exhale from behind, along with a chilling request.'''

“Come back...Closer”

'''I turned around, and I saw his arm starting to raise, his finger creakily motioning me to come towards him. I told him that I had to leave. Even though it was harmless, it was still odd and I started to make me feel uneasy. He let out what sounded like a sharp inhale, and then he said something once more. '''

“Closer…please…”

'''The sternness in his voice increased. I told him once more that I needed to go, this time more aggressively, and that's when I noticed it. Off of the alleyway wall I noticed his shadow moving ever so slightly. He was slowly approaching me. By now a million red flags were being raised. I simply just left, and I continued to walk to my car. I then noticed another person who was walking behind me. As he walked past the alleyway, he froze. I wanted to tell that person to get out of there, but my body became frozen with fear as well. The other man started to walk into the alley. I began to walk over, afraid that something was going to him. As I got closer, an agonizing cry cut through my ears. It caught me so off guard that I slipped onto the hard concrete sidewalk. I got up and bolted to the opening of the alleyway, hoping that the man would be ok.'''

'''Bits and pieces of what used to be the man were scattered throughout the alleyway, the snow on the ground painted a deep maroon. I looked up, and above the scraps I saw what used to be the hunchbacked man. His clothes became even more torn and weathered. His legs and arms became stretched to inhuman length. The man now towered over me, casting his shadow far enough to reach the end of the alleyway. His spindly arms reached the ground, and his elongated fingers were now tipped with crimson stained talons. Then, his face emerged from the darkness, showing that his feeble smile now evolved into a massive grin He revealed his massive crooked rectangular teeth, serrated and stained a sickly yellow. His eye sockets became larger, still with no actual eyes, only two little beads of white right in the center, staring right through me. The creature let out a loud cackle, keeping its grinning mouth closed and head violently twitching. The cackle was ear piercing, akin to a rabid hyena. I ran as fast as I could, not looking back once, until I finally reached my car. I nearly ripped off the car door as I got in. As I drove past the alleyway, I saw the hunchback slither into the sewer drain, with pieces of the corpse in its clutches, not once breaking eye contact. '''

'''I got home as soon as I could, surprisingly not getting pulled over for speeding. I pulled into my driveway, before letting out a huge sigh. I had to take a moment to process what I saw. Was I just imagining the whole thing? No, it was too real, no costume could move as fluidly as that thing did. I thought about calling the police, but there's no way that they would take my story seriously. Whatever it was, I tried to shake my mind off of it. As I walked into my house, my german shepherd Roger was eager to greet me. I gave him some food, then I watched TV in my bedroom for the rest of the night. While the snow outside started to pick up heavily, I noticed that Roger was staring out my window, seemingly at nothing. I was a bit confused, but after the shit I just saw, I didn't really question it. As I watched TV, I slowly started to doze off, until I was completely asleep.'''

'''It must have been several hours before I woke up to the sound of Roger furiously barking at my hallway. I was already on edge on what happened earlier, so I rushed out of my bed to see what he was getting all worked up about. As I poked my head out of my bedroom, all I was meet with was confusion. He was barking at nothing. No person was there, no animal, no flickering lights, nothing. I tried to calm him down, but he wouldn't budge. Then, as suddenly as he started barking, he whimpered and ran back into the room. He would only act like that if he was scared, so I started to get really nervous. I went back into my room, trying to find something I could use as a weapon. After about a minute or two of searching, I managed to find one of my swiss army knives.'''

'''I slowly crept out of my bedroom, and into the hallway, turning on lights as I went throughout. While I was making my way downstairs, every possible “worst case scenario” was running through my head, which in turn made me more and more paranoid. It was dead silent, not a single noise in the house. The only noticeable sources of sound was my dog whimpering upstairs and the heater. As I approached my living room, the air temperature dropped drastically, almost as if I was outside. That’s when I noticed the low sound of the howling winter wind. I turned to my left, and the answer was right in front of me. The window had been smashed. A wave of dread and panic overcame me, preventing me from taking another step forward. I could only look, and the more I looked, the worse things got. I walked over to get a better look, trying to avoid the pieces of glass littered across the floor. That’s when I noticed something on the window. Something was caught on the glass. I approached and picked it up. It was a piece of washed out green cloth. '''

'''Sweat was torrenting down my forehead. I tried to reassure myself that there was no way that thing could have followed me back from the city, it wasn't possible, not in one night. Yet, the more I tried to deny, the more I was forced to realize the truth. My head moved back to the window, peering into the desolate snowstorm, and that's when I noticed the footsteps. Not human footsteps, four toed footsteps leading to a manhole cover in the middle of the street, which had been removed. There was no doubt in my mind that he was here. I turned around, looking at every corner and doorway in a panic, and that's when I heard it. Slight tapping, as if someone’s finger was hitting a hard surface. The tapping sound seemed to move from different parts of the house. I knew it was him. That's when I heard my dog barking and snarling loudly from the upstairs, which was followed by an ear deafening cackle that was all too familiar. I looked towards the stairs, where I saw a large blur run up the stairs in an instant. I grabbed my hunting rifle I had mounted on the wall, then ran as fast as I could.. '''

'''When I got upstairs, I saw all the decorations in the hallway knocked over or broken. the creatures emaciated arm recede into my bedroom, with Roger in its clutches. I charged over to the bedroom entrance, and straight across from me was Roger, injured and whimpering. I was about to rush over to him, when I noticed a puddle of saliva accumulating not too far in front of him. My eyes slowly moved up, until I saw the gleam of two beady eyes. The creature was clinging to the roof, shrouded by darkness, waiting for me to move in for roger. The creatures head tilted downwards into the light, all while having the same bloodstained, massive grin. I aimed my gun, part of me hoping that it would intimidate it, since I had no time to load the weapon. The hunchback’s arms emerged from the darkness, lowering itself down onto the floor, never looking away once. It’s head reached the ceiling, causing the creature to hunch over even more. On its arms, I noticed multiple bite marks. They looked like they were caused by Roger, but they were already nearly healed. The hunchback looked at me, along with the same feeble wave it gave me in the alleyway. Then, it’s beads sharply turned towards Roger. The hunchback’s fingers locked themselves around him, lifting him up as if he was nothing more than a stuffed animal. It’s mouth unhinged, like a snake about to swallow its prey. I rushed towards the creature, bashing creature’s head with the butt of my rifle. It intercepted me with its other arm, tossing me out of the room like a ragdoll. I got up to find the creature licking the exterior of its mouth as it lowered itself, ready to pounce. I swung the door towards me to close it, but the creature leapt with an impact that was strong enough the break the door off of it’s hinges. I was pinned against the wall, using the door as a shield from its barrage of attacks. It quickly reduced the door to splinters, and I rolled out of the way. It turned towards me, head twitching and body contorting. I ran back downstairs and I tried to get to a phone. The creature threw itself down, causing a tremor where it landed. It snapped up, scanning the room for any signs of movement. It lept and clung to the ceiling, where it crept its way into another room.'''

'''I was sheltered behind a couch, looking left and right for any signs of that thing being close. I grabbed the phone off of a stand next to the couch, and I quickly dialed for the police. As soon as I heard the operator, I spilled all the details I could, hyperventilating as I did. While doing this, I could hear the creature’s talons hitting my ceiling in a nearby room, looking for the slightest hint of my presence. I breathed a sigh of relief when she told me that the police were on their way. Right after that, a glob of spit landed the phone. I turned around, and there was the abomination, peering right over the couch. It opened its mouth, and a tendril shot out and stole the phone right out of my hands, like a frog who had just caught a fly with its tongue. His back started to pulsate and convulse, bulbous shapes appearing under his tattered shirt. As the cloth teared, dozens of similar tendrils emerged from his back, each whipping around covered in puss. They all reared back, and as i rolled out of the way, they shot at me, turning what were slimy tentacles into biological harpoons. I vaulted myself over furniture to dodge its attacks, hearing said furniture being thrown to side as the creature pursued me. I made my way into the pantry, knocking over a dresser filled with snacks to block the door. The loud thud from the hunchback’s impact echoed throughout the house. I moved my self towards the nearby window, ready to vault out, when I noticed things went quiet. '''

'''I was panicked, yet confused. The creature made short work of the previous door blocking it’s path, why was this one any different? I watched the door for any hint of its presence. As I looked back towards the window, I was greeted with 2 beads of white, shortly before the creature bashed its way in. It’s violent entrance threw me against the wall with great force. I tried push myself up, only to feel a sharp, burning pain in my arm. I looked at my forearm, and right in the middle, there was a fractured bone poking out. Tears were streaming from my eyes and I could barely breathe. With the realization that I was trapped, all I could do was attempt to back up against the wall. The creature skulked it’s way towards me, letting out a shrill, human-sounding scream. It hunched over right in front of me, it’s face opposite to mine. It opened its mouth, letting out a haze of steam smelling of spoiled meat and sewage. The raw stench caused a burning itch on my skin and forced me to vomit, bringing my head to the floor. The creature let out a small chuckle, then froze. The creatures white beads started to expand into pupil-less eyes, stressed veins on the border. It’s lower jaw started to unhinge and split, jagged teeth lining the interior of its mouth. As it’s jaw spread, I could see the flashing red and blue lights from outside the broken window. I cried out, hoping that the police would hear my pleas. As tendrils began to emerge from the maw of the hunchback, I screamed with all the energy I had left. '''

'''Suddenly, I heard a voice coming from the window the creature leapt through, and the hunchback heard it as well. Standing right outside the door was a police officer aiming his pistol and an animal control officer. They stood with a firm stance, as if they were ready to take on anything that came their way. Their confident stance broke as the hunchback turned to them, revealing its crooked smile and letting out a near human scream. It launched off of the floor, propelling across the room towards the men. The officer emptied his magazine into the creature, but the hunchback still managed to pin the animal control officer to the ground. My vision grew faded from shock. I saw pieces of the A.C officer fly into the air, as a tendril emerged from the creatures back to wrangle the officer off of the ground. The last thing I heard before passing out were more voices rushing over, and the officer helplessly trying to free himself from the abomination’s grip. '''

'''When I regained consciousness, I jolted up, to find myself on a hospital bed, with a cast on my arm. I scanned the room, covering my eyes from the harsh sunlight coming through the window next to me. As I looked to my left, there stood a man in a white coat who looked pleased to see me awake.'''

'''“Please, do not move so suddenly. You’re body is still in heavy recovery. How do you feel?”'''

'''I could barely muster out any words, my throat being intensely sore from the screaming I had done. I didn’t know if he could actually understand my mumbles, but for some reason he seemed pleased with my response.'''

“That’s good to hear, mister. You’re lucky to have survived, I’m just trying to wonder how a bear got into your home in the first place.”

'''My heart sank from what he said. A “bear?” There was no way the officers didn't see the creature, they were running towards it. What about the officer who was shooting at it? The dead A.C officer. There had to have been some mistake. I tried to speak, but again all I could muster was a couple of mumbles.'''

'''“From what I heard, they never found the thing, but hopefully it just finds its way back into the woods. Anyway, I’ll let you catch up on the rest when you’re feeling better rested, this should help you get some sleep”'''

'''As the doctor injected an unknown substance through the IV bag, I started to panic. I wanted to tell him that the had no idea what he was talking about. My mind was going a mile a minute, but the substance started to numb my entire body. I could do nothing but silently scream, knowing that the hunchback was still out there.'''  