Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27838637-20170128143905/@comment-26525489-20170129083933

Anarchic Operations wrote: Thankyou for the review. The reason I was doing more telling than showing is because I didn't want it to be more exploitative than it needed to be. Do you think the examples you've given should be explained a little more, or would it be pushing the boundaries?

Also, I know the story is not completed so right now it might not seem like much more than edgy material, but I hope to spin a real story out of it, one that people will enjoy. But I also want to make it violent and edgy as well, so I'm trying to find the right balance.

And a final question; should the protags backstory be separated throughout the main story in flashback-like sequences, or is it more effective to know the backstory straight off the bat? I want the story to be engaging and I don't want the readers to give up before the main story even begins. Is there any way I can make the backstory more engaging than it already is?

I know this question wasn't directed towards me, but I'd love to offer a bit of unsolicited advice if that's alright.

Right now this all feels like exposition, and it's really hard to flashback to exposition. More than a flashback it turns out to just be narration. If you were to tell specific scenes in narrative form (maybe his first time sleeping with Emily or his parents getting high when he was young) and let the readers infer what that meant for his whole life, I could see it being effective as a flashback sequence. It's hard to tell what would work without knowing the events happening in present time, though.

Ultimately, I like the backstory. I think you've got your character and his motivations well planned out. I would have liked to hear about his first kill a little more. There's a jump from loving kids to actually killing them (at least, I would assume so). Maybe the first time it happened he was worried the kid would tell and accidentally killed him? Then he realized that was the cleanest way to do it and came to actually enjoy it in the future? Maybe he wants to be the only person to have sex with them and kills them to keep them otherwise pure? Something about that motivation might make the character a little more chilling in general. He's a twisted guy, I wanna see his twisted motivations in action.

I think this has potential to really be a solid character and make a solid story! I think your biggest obstacle might be, as Empy said, shock value. If you try to jump from shock to shock, I think you'll lose some quality creepiness. If you focus on his motivations and the sociopathic methodology of his actions and not as much on pure shock value, you could make a really chilling story!

Looking forward to seeing where this goes!