Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25220627-20140729201919/@comment-24957984-20140729221450

I really like the concept and the plot of this pasta. It has an unique plot, but I think the story has its pacing a bit off.

I think you start the events of the pasta way too soon. I suggest you to try to develop the introduction a bit more to let us understand the plot better. I also think the SWAT acting is a bit comical, and makes this story less believable.

Other than that, I couldn't really find serious grammar/spelling issues, however, I'd proofread the story to check if there's anything wrong that's hard to spot.

Overall, great idea, but the plot needs to be revised in some parts.