Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28754051-20160615072326/@comment-28266772-20160615085521

"with her still planning buy coffee" -> think you're missing a 'to' here

"but it's very [there's a line break here I think is a mistake] persistent when"

"or acknowledge by protests" -> by instead of my

"medium to rely the way something sounds" -> relay not rely

So these are the only errors I noticed in terms of grammar, etc. But I'm not exceptional at picking these things out so there may be more.

Overall I liked this story. Obviously it would help to see the rest of it, so feel free to post it here (same thread as this one). I can't really make a suggestion other than you have a strong tendency to write in longer paragraphs, and it wouldn't hurt to break some of them up. And since you've written a long story here, you better make sure the pay off is worth it. If not, do your best to trim down any unnecessary parts.

But yeah, I think this is well written and a good read, although my ability to give feedback is hindered without knowing whether the build up leads to a decent climax.