Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20190515084101/@comment-9041013-20190523195240

Well that was better, but still needs more work.

I didn't like the name Alexa and the use of actual Youtube; I mean, everything moves so fast nowadays we'll be having some sort of new IA phone computer in two months. Thirty to fifty years into the future the name "Alexa" won't even exist, let alone a site like Youtube.

You're doing better but at moments you're still breaking the build up of suspence. "As soon as I was legally old enough, I walked across Juárez – Lincoln Bridge and joined the other refugees seeking freedom of thought. I could have stopped in the refugee camps in Honduras or Ecuador, but I wanted to get as far as I could from the State. When I reached Punta Arenas in Chile, there wasn't any further South I could go. I got a job as a tour guide and freelanced as an English tutor whenever I could." - Everything is monitored like hell but not the borders even though the primitive commies at East Berlin had a hard as fuck wall to sneak past? This could add to the emotional tension, even if you'd just include the narrator's paranoia of the State.

A super efficient computer that finds only guilty people is less scary than humans who are driven by a paranoid dictator who makes human mistakes destroying the lives of innocents, that much I will say about your inclusion of a "guilt detector".

Perhaps adding the details of detainment or execution as a "public warning" in the story could help.

FInally, something about the feelings of people in regards to the electrical funeral would be good...