Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5430990-20141219162138/@comment-5430990-20141219220846

Thanks for the criticism. I'll change the intro to get rid of the creepypasta reference, make the vocabulary more realistic, add a paragraph or two to make her more relatable and build up the tension, and change the ending to be more threatening to the reader. Maybe something along the lines of her vowing to try to cut the "parasite" out of as many people as she can. The whole story's based on this paranoid scizophrenic I knew who was 100% convinced they had a parasite in them no matter how many tests they went through to confirm that they didn't, so what I was going for is she doesn't actually have a parasite at all, it's just her stomach clenching up from stress. I guess I should make that more clear.