Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28088262-20140704151238/@comment-25144454-20140711150401

SkepitcalSkeptic66 wrote: Some of my thoughts that you could consider would be add some implications about the nurse, such as that the unplugging of the old man are routine in the hospital for those who are helpless.

I just want to say that the theme of unplugging, as well as your lines about "routine in the hospital for those who are helpless," are spot on. Disabled, living their lives in one little room and being so happy about it. The helplessness needs to be emphasized! How helpless these old people are, being old and disabled, unable to do anything if they were threatened with having their life taken away. This should be the theme, how the grandfather is unable to do anything about the cord. Make us live in this scenario, helpless and unable to do anything about the impending doom. Focus less on how people wouldn't care and more on how they wouldn't know but would care instead. Make the nurse more normal, add only some work stress. Dark, empty environments, secluded and lonely. The old man should be happy living here, the nurse should not. Give the man a view of the street, describe the street below. Make the old man interesting beyond a stereotypical kind soul, make him almost childlike and filled with wonder of the sight outside of this window. The old man differs from the crude people of the world in his ability to be free where there is no freedom, never alone where there is no company. And this nurse sees this. Then, events happen, the nurse seems slightly off now and boom! The dark, silent beep beep beep. Add some more content and edit the stuff above to match this theme or something similair, and this would be a really great creepypasta!

Just some ideas.