Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-3563804-20170422195410/@comment-24101790-20170422200207

As you've made little to no changes here, I'm just going to copy/paste my original message. I'm sorry, but this story is well below quality standards for the site. There are so many capitalization, run-on sentences, broken phrasing, punctuation, spelling, and story issues here that I'm just going focus on a few rather than a comprehensive list.

Run-on sentences: A majority of these sentences are run-on. "Her parents sister and brother always have fun with her, she was very bright smile because she knew that her family loved her, but one cold night when Elisa went outside to go find firewood for the chalet, she heard something who came from behind of one of the trees.", "So she decided to go see who was there, but when she went to the tree nobody was there, so she go in the cabin to go finally finf the fire wood, but after she went there she heard the same footsteps, someone was in the cabin with her, she believe it was her older brother Florian or Talia her older sister who tried to prnk her, but when she turn around she see a man with a hatchet in his hand, Elisa was now trapped the man seem to be in his twenty year old and very young in his witer clothes but he has jeans,(comma not needed).", etc.

Wording issues: "Elisa was now trapped the man seem to be in his twenty year old and very young in his water (sic) clothes but he has jeans", "she go in the cabin to go finally finf the fire wood", "so she can't not move", "it was at that moment that the young man take his hatchet in the snow and cut off but of her legs", etc. Once again, I'm going to advise you to write on a wiki that speaks your language as your English is not very good.

Punctuation issues: Commas missing from listed items. "Her parents sister and brother always have fun with her", "in the forest later they found her body legless and bloody", " Elisa was now trapped the man seem to be in his twenty year old", etc.

Spelling: " they always go on vacation to the montain (sic)", "they (sic) go in the forest later they found her body legless and bloody", "she's also grieving bu her family", I'm sorry, but these errors are all throughout the story.

Story issues: You are constantly shifting tenses from past tense to present tense. "Elisa was a little very kind girl, she was very friendly and a little bit shy" This is past tense. This is present tense (in incorrect English): "So he get out of his car grab the young girl, and take all of her witer clothes off,". The frequent tense shifting really weakens your story.

Story issues cont.: The twist of Elisa turning into a ghost needs a lot more fleshing out here. Without building up her interaction with the killer or focus on her character, this feels rushed. The story is only four paragraphs and condensing her murder and returning as a ghost into two small paragraphs really makes for an incomplete and unpolished-looking story. I'm sorry, but I'm going to point you back to the [French Creepypasta Wiki as I really don't think you will be able to properly correct these issues and tell an involving story with your English level as it is. As it stands, this is well below [[quality standards]] and if it were posted, it would likely be deleted within minutes.