Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25250799-20140801013112/@comment-25558572-20140801014536

If this is your best, your best won't do.

I'll count the number of cliches you used:


 * The number 666.It's been done to death at this point.


 * Using gore as a scare factor (the blood and the dead bodies). Gore might add to a scare if it's in a scene that calls for it, like if someone cracks their head on something, but blood and guts alone is way too overused to be scary.


 * Using an "If you see this again..." ending. It's a lazy way to end a story and only adds to the unrealism here. Why would people want to keep an eye out for a train with the same number on it as one that crashed? It doesn't make sense.


 * Using "This really happened, this is real." No. NEVER do that. Write the story and have someone read it, and let them decide for themselves whether it was real or not. Some of teh best pastas out there, like Squidward's Suicide, leave you with a feeling of wonder once you finish it because it seems like it actually could have happened, but flat-out saying it kills the potential and makes you look unprofessional in the process.

Write something else. You have gotten off to a good start by putting your work here in the workshop instead of to teh main site, but you need to put a lot more time and effort into your work. If you're out of ideas, I suggest using a first-line generator or writing prompt, many of which can be found with a Google search.