Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27416994-20170502162400/@comment-29797037-20170503173707

i believe this has the potential to be a good story! it's kind of short, so i'd recommend making it longer if you actually flesh the idea out into a finished story. now don't get me wrong, short stories have the same potential as long stories to be equally good, but some ideas are too good to keep them too short - and some not too good to keep stretching on them. try to set yourself a standard or goal of how long you want the story to be in the end.

i also think the title isn't that pleasing, i'd recommend finishing the story first, as it aids you give it a better and more fitting title. try that before drawing a definite title for your work.

the gore at just the first part seems a little bit extra, but that just may be me. try keeping it more simple than just gut gore. keeping the death vague in my opinion adds more mystery to it, making the reader wonder how the character actually died.

most of the journal entries would need a little bit of rewording, good stories usually have a wider range of vocabulary, which helps the author express themselves. try using synonyms to certain words.

that's what i've seen about it, i haven't had much to comment on, considering the short amount of material. i still think it is pretty good as a story draft and has the potential to evolve.