Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33077235-20180911001124/@comment-36627132-20180911031154

First off, you tried to make the title a message but it got cut off. Next time put the story's title as the thread's heading and put your message before your story. Second, the story is riddled with cliches (see bottom of my post), unncessary words, minor tense shifts, and missing commas.

"I’m creating this post for some kind of clarity the events haunt me to this day and just to say I don’t think I will ever go to sleep without looking under the bed if you understand what I’m saying." Do I even have to point out what was wrong with this sentance?

"There was a girl in my neighborhood her name was Sarah but we called her Silent Sarah because she never spoke and she was really strange." It would flow better if you said "There was a girl in my neighborhood named Sarah, but we called her Silent Sarah because she never spoke."

"We didn’t care too much me and my friends we had a tight circle and any girl one of us liked was in the group except for me." Not only is that poorly worded, the last part is not legible.

"One day when my friends and I separate like we always do on the way home I toke a shortcut through the forest". There should probably be a comma after "seperate" and "home". You definately should have said "took" instead of "toke" ("took" means "taken", "toke" means take a puff of a cigarette.) "(it was the quickest way but I just don’t always take it." The parenthese seems pointless and the word "just" is unnecessary. "I smelled something burning I" missing period after "burning".

"I followed the smell it lead me to an opening inside of the woods where I saw Sarah standing there in white clothes covered in blood stains." First off, how come nobody else smells this? "A fire was blazing and Sarah was there staring at it but some animal carcasses seem to be there in the fire." is poorly worded and the animal cruelty/murdered animals is a bad cliche that isn't scary in the slightest.

"Arriving home chest heavy and pretty spooked about what I just saw all I could do is try and forget, but every day since then I saw her staring at me, during class and even at lunch." poorly worded run on sentance.

"Soon I didn’t see her at school anymore I assumed she dropped out." missing comma after "anymore". " Some reports of burning house near our place have been creeping me out because I still have an idea it could be Sarah and with her seeing that one day it could be me." Problem 1: "Some reports of burning house" should either be "burning houses" or "a house burning down".

"The next day of school" should be "The next day at school". "I got a note in my locker saying nothing just a smile face on a sticky note" Should be something along the lines of "I found a sticky note in my locker with a smile face on it."

"I turned around, but at the very end of the hallway" should be "I turned around and at the end of the hallway".

"I saw Sarah staring at me with a smile through her fiery red hair I noticed she was wearing a hoodie the exact one I lost two weeks ago I know it was mine because I was the only one I knew who had a hoodie with the word Chill Pill on it." First off, this is a run on sentance. Second, missing commas after "hoddie" and "ago".

"I go back to finish texting Charlie but I see a text from someone named Sarah" "see" should be "saw" word-wise, though "recieve" would have made even more sense.

"all the text said was 'I like you'  and then another 'I like you a lot' with a smiling emoji I text back 'please stop stalking me your creeping me out'" First off, "and the another" should say something along the lines of "she sent another that said". "I text back" is in the wrong tense, it should be "texted".

"In the middle of me sleeping that night" bad grammar! "I was awaking by a soft voice" should be "I was awakened by a soft voice". " I heard opening my eyes" should be "I heard as I opened my eyes". "My heart was racing goosebumps" missing comma after "racing".

"She lit the match and was now standing and dropped the match at the end of my bed." Wow this scene is not only a rip off of Jeff the Killer, it also uses the everything-is-flamable blooper. Odds are if she dropped a match on the end of your bed it would probably bounce off, fall on the floor, and defuse. "I was only 15 and I didn’t want to die by her fire she then kissed my forehead " Ok, so she has you strapped down and kisses you? Is this a Creepypasta or a love story?

"'is this it'" is missing a question mark.

"I started this blog" this is an article, not a blog. "so I suggest you Don’t scream." What?

There are still A LOT of periods and commas missing, I just didn't feel like listing every single one.

Cliches: EDGY TEENAGERS!, antagonist has a nickname, main character has bad feeling about them, animal cruelty, sinister smiles, antagonist is somehow magical or supernatural, and creepy word in another language (especially Japanese).