Talk:It Was Just a Shadow/@comment-25052433-20150128233120

2nd person writing, to me at least, is one of the more challenging styles to write. If you succeed, then you have created gold, should you fail, well, you'll probably wind up in the deletion box.

In this case, I would say you created bronze. The writing and tempo were great. The story was solid and you did a great job over all.

The problem here is that you wrote this in a style the excluded a huge block of readers. That huge block is anyone who doesn't live at home with their parents. As soon as I read that part, I was completely detached from this story, as the tempo from there had no application to my own personal life, therefore I was not able to connect with this.

My advice here would be to go for 1st or 3rd person, and simply develop a character. If you really want to maintain this as a 2nd person write, I would suggest using far more broad settings, something that could apply to just about anyone.