Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27012445-20150923201343/@comment-25326117-20150928094337

You might want to replace the number 3 with the word three and the same also goes for 5 just use the word five. For example: 'five children' and 'three months.'

I also think that there should have been more differences between Petey and Mr. Bear, like maybe have Petey use some room that isn't like the attic or the cellar, maybe a room that nobody would guess. It could spice things up.

1) They were given no detail, but I know what those kids endured.

2) I could hear heavy breathing just above me, then a wet smacking of his lips as he began to lower himself.

3) It is a white mask of a goat with six eyes on it's forehead, and I screamed at the sight of such a disturbing animal mask.

4) My dad told me that I was missing for five days and we later learned that the official investigation had determined that he would keep his victims alive for up to fives weeks.

5) I don’t remember much, only brief images, but I remember the fear I felt.

6) In my delusional state, I thought I was being rescued by Ripley from that Alien movie, but no, her name was Agent Barrett; Dana Barrett.

7) She lifted me out of my cage and carried me towards the light saying, “You're safe now, honey!  You’re safe now!”

8) “I’ve arranged a very special reunion for you with an old friend.”

9) From the thick brush of woods that conceals me, I see a large man emerge from the front door of the old run down house I have been watching for the past three hours.

10) With my dad gone and three months left of high school, I used that time to get my affairs in order.

(There were some mistakes that I found, I listed them above and I don't mean to be judgmental; I am just trying to help.  I hope the protagonist beats Petey).