Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26364137-20160515084117/@comment-29791712-20160516053341

I first want to state that I enjoyed the concept of this story. It reminded me of a creepypasta I wrote a while back that dealt with a similar situation you wrote about in your story. I loved the fact that you included a bit of Spanish culture sine I'm from Ecuador myself. I related to the main protagonist having his grandpa inform him about surreal ghosts and other entities. My family and I have a tendency to tell scary stories to ourselves.

However, despite the interesting plot, the writing seemed a bit off. Some of the sentences read weirdly, as if you worded and construct your sentences in a unpleasant format. I assume you still need to develop as a writer, and find a way to make each and every sentence cohesive and appealing. Don't sweat it too much since I suffered, and sometimes continue to suffer, through the same predicament. It takes time and practice to get your voice right.

Other than that, this story was pretty entertaining. You definitely need to fix it up and revise it. Also try to get someone close to you to read your story, and ask for help. The best way to learn is to discover your flaws, and find ways to fix them. Hope this helps.