Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24927388-20140514233536/@comment-24927388-20140515160645

Resident DeVir wrote: I think you should proofread the story an extra time, just to correct grammatical mistakes and alter the punctuation. It's called a "barren wasteland" not a "baron wasteland", and you should reconsider using ellipses - they certainly shouldn't be double or tripple ellipses.

I don't understand how Alister wasn't kicked out of school. Shouldn't it be a clear indicator of drug abuse if your face is rotting away? Didn't someone go up to Alister and tell him: "You're ruining the picture, Alister! Go home and stay there. You're bad publicity for the school."

Anyway, I liked the story, and how Jeremy - and later on his brother - needed the drugs to prevent his fall into a black void. I like the idea of the journal given to the narrator by his therapist, as it's easier to write a diary that isn't meant to be kept personal, since you don't have to be afraid of writing information that would otherwise have seemed like exposition. Im from Central Oregon, and if you went to school where I did you would understand why he didnt get kicked out of school. Meth is a really big problem in my area, and a lot of people I went to school with, and used to be friends with were heavy into it by the end of 12th grade. I really am thankful you took the time to review my story. I will keep your advice in mind for my next story. Only recently have I started writing stories, so there are a lot of things I know I can improve on.