Talk:Laughing Jack/@comment-25043071-20140609173958

i rate this story a 5/10 at best. here's why:

1) even in the first paragraph, it changes between past and present tense

2) the dog was only introduced to be killed. just the fact that it was killed is pretty cliche.

3) its a lot of shock horror, but really in writing psychological horror is what reigns supreme

4) "The trial was short, insanity." this is wrong; insanity trials take a long time because you need to actually prove insanity.

5) "and I could hear sirens in the distance growing louder" not once are police or anything mentioned throughout the entire section.

6)  “Well you tell ‘Laughing Jack’ to keep the toys in your room.” the usage of the quotes here in 'Laughing Jack' is wrong. this implies airquotes, and airquotes are generally wrong. here it'd be italicized

7) this story was already hella cliche from the beginning. "i have a son who doesnt talk to many people and i'm a single mom."

8) "As they got closer I could see… THEY WERE CHILDREN!" this is a stupid sentence

9) excessive gore

all in all this could definitely use some work. it feels like a rough draft more than anything. 0/10 for the scare value; 4/10 for gore; 1/10 for story. overall 5/10.