Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31218595-20170506022814/@comment-24101790-20170506032019

A massive amount of your story is missing proper punctuation. "No one really came near it they were probably fearful of whatever was inside.", "Surprisingly he made it to the top of the staircase without any problems(.) he kept walking along with his torch still shining(,/.) he found another room but the door was open(./,) it seemed to be less dusty and had no cobwebs it seems to be an adult room, it was odd how this room is more neater than the others had seemed.", etc.

Wording: ""There is a house on a street it was a very old one it had rotting wood the fence was falling over like a drunken man, the house creaked on occasion but not to often."", "He opened the door slowly and cautiously he did it so carefully the old door did not creek (creak).", "He came across a door and opened it he found an old kitchen, it was full of dust and cobwebs and he noticed how the silverware was out lying on the counter he left, that room seemingly wanting to look for more rooms." Additionally this is a run-on sentence. "...himself and something odd he thought he was alone but something was it mirror with him it had piercing golden eyes and seemed very shadows like and what he saw was me."

There is also quite a bit of redundancy and repetition. "The boy came across another door he then opened the old door to see what was on the other side, he shined the torch in the room to see what was in there. What was in there was a small bed and old drawings that seem to have survived the time of being covered in dust, he went to look at them to see what they were. He could see that they were family portraits drawn by a child."

Story issues: The plot really feels like it's lacking effective description. Lines like this: "it seems to be an adult room, it was odd how this room is more neater than the others had seemed." and "it had piercing golden eyes and seemed very shadows like and what he saw was me." really don't do a good job of painting a vivid picture and since the last scene if the supposed to be the stinger, this really ends up feeling flat.

Story issues cont.: The plot feels really generic. It's a typical abandoned house story without any real characterization, scene development, or involving story. There are other issues here, but I think this is enough to give you an idea of what this site is looking for when it mentions our quality standards.