Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25686546-20141115001522/@comment-25686546-20141115164140

BunTheFabledSquirrel wrote: Welcome to the wiki, bud. I'm new here, too.

I can tell you one thing off the bat: If your pasta is going to be this length, you need to split it up into multiple paragraphs. This solid wall of text is honestly hard to look at.

The link to the defunct website is unnecessary; as you point out, the link is useless so there really is no point in having it there. Are you trying to convince the reader that this is a true story? No need.

Also, you don't need to capitalize a noun after a comma unless it's proper. You did that a few times in this story.

Finally, I feel the need to offer my opinion on the narrative itself. I don't really get it. A guy downloads a bootleg program from a sketchy website, it messes up the monitor, and starts spamming a bunch of files that play screaming tracks when you run them. Sounds like your regular, run-of-the-mill computer virus to me. Nothing strange here. Just a prank some Internet douche laid to fool unsuspecting people who don't want to pay for Sony Vegas Pro. If you're trying  to say there's some otherworldly spirit in the program, you're gonna have to elaborate on what it does. I also think the story ends too abruptly.

That's just my two cents. I think you could have something good on your hands here if you tweak it. I'd appreciate if you dropped by my pasta and critiqued it. Thanks! I'll give yours a read. I'll take that into note in the next pasta i write.