Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-9967354-20140523110415/@comment-9967354-20140523171438

Booboofinger wrote: Very well written, and seems to be leading to something very interesting. I like the fact that you foreshadow the ending of the story right in the begining, which takes some talent to do correctly. Also the decription of the place where Steve lives was very evocative.

I only have a couple of suggestions: I would change the word "society" for "community". Reason being that a society is a group where members interact with each other. A community can be simply a group of houses in a given area. Try to google "gated community" vs "gated society" to see what I mean.

The other thing is the name of the community itself. It seems strange that someone as perseptive as Chloe would simply forget/ignore the name of the community. I think it would make more sense if she would make some derogatory observation about how the name was cliche or irrelevant, or better yet, unable to read the name because the sign was in a state of desrepair.

Actually the fact that Chloe forgot the name was intentional. Due to the events that follow, stuff happens to her that makes everything a bit... Hazy. She's trying to remember, but not too hard. Maybe I'll make that clear in the second part itself. I'll change society to community, although I'm still not sure what the difference is. >_>

Oh well, words of wisdom are always helpful. Imagine how ignorant I was.