Creepypasta Wiki:Deletion Appeal

__NOWYSIWYG__

Black Dog
I had several people spell check and do punctuation checks so that shouldn't be a problem. Also the story is based off a real event that actually happened to me so its not a spin off or fanfiction. I also didnt see a problem in the plot or story i had several people review it to give advice and the final version that everyone liked is what I posted. I don't see anything wrong with the story I read something about spacing but idk where to space as its all a flowing story if you know where to space it please tell me and I can fix it. LanceHa 8:06 PM. March 14, 2015


 * First and foremost, your story is one massive paragraph. Usually this is grounds for immediate deletion, but there are other problems present that reduce your story below our quality standards. (Typically a paragraph is five to ten sentences. Any more is difficult to read and can cause readers to re-read lines.


 * Punctuation issues: "I called to(not needed) the dog to come back hoping he hadn’t heard it(comma missing) luckily he was busy going to the bathroom so I quickly ran over to grab him and as I did I was forced to go closer to the woods and that’s when I saw a light." (Needs re-phrasing into two sentences.) Additionally, avoid using ellipses as 'dramatic pauses' as their original use is to indicate pauses in dialogue and omission of words from quotes. Using it as a pause comes off as a bit melodramatic., "How how did he know I went to this window.(?)", " A long howl that at first i(I) thought was my dogs but then to my horror I heard it. Hoowwwwwwllllleeeeoo...", "say “i’m(I'm) here” ..." Quotations are missing from spoken dialogue.


 * Wording/capitalization: You do not capitalize I a number of times (15+) "As i (I) looked for them i (I) was met with a horrifying site (sight).", "what? that (That) it can(')t (couldn't) get to me?", "The operator now concerned “sir(Sir,) sir did it get in(?) where (Where) is it(?)”., "I asked “who’s (Who's) there(?)”.(Not needed)"


 * Story issues: when possible, avoid glowing red eyes. It's become a bit of a cliche and lacks originality. Additionally, the twist of it scratching the word into the stable, "watching" seems nonsensical as you really gave no indication of the beast having intelligence. The story feels rushed, especially at the end where you make an inordinate amount of issues (including capitalization, forgetting to put dialogue in quotations, and punctuation errors. This story is not up to quality standards and I am turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:30, March 15, 2015 (UTC)

Noah's Mirror
I reviewed over my mistakes on the first one, and I added categories, as well as took out the excess Tildes. I'm certain the flow of the story is good, as well as the grammar as I had several people, far more literate than I check over it, and inform me of Misspellings and such. LittleCircusMonster (talk) 16:40, March 6, 2015 (UTC)LittleCircusMonster


 * Just to state outright, you have to make a deletion appeal before reuploading a story. Even if you fixed all the issues you thought were present, the person who deleted it may have had some other problem with it. (If it used blacklisted subjects, violated ToU, overused cliched elements, etc.) Onto the story itself.


 * Please do not indent your paragraphs. I know it is common for books to be published that way, but on this wiki, it can cause some pretty nasty formatting errors and should be avoided. Also try to avoid starting new paragraphs off with pronouns as it can confuse the reader about who's being addressed. (It could be misconstrued that it you are discussing Matthew or his father.) Also avoid using ellipses outside of their original use (pauses in dialogue or omission of words from a quote.) as a 'dramatic pause' as it can mess with the flow of a story and appears melodramatic.


 * Punctuation issues: words that directly impact another should be linked or hyphenated. ("know it all" should be know-it-all) Issues with apostrophes. "other boys' (boy's) hand." 'boys' (hand)' would imply a plural when Noah is referring to only Matthew. Words like carnival should only be capitalized if referring to a specific one. (The Bigtop Carnival.)


 * Wording: incomplete/fragmented sentences "He hated his parents, (who were) always arguing over stupid things.(,/;) Things he didn't care about." (Additionally it would help build the story if you went into more detail about their arguments.), " A single bed, a desk with a large oval mirror, a T.V. stand.", "Coming to a stop he frowned.", "Wicked laughter echoed before fading away, (extra space)the house (was) left silent and filled with decay." Tense issues: "This only further separating (separated) him..." (The story is told in past tense so make the verbs past tense.) "Noah (had) quite the silver tongue,".


 * Story issues: The clown antagonist gives the story a very Laughing Jack feel to it which unfortunately telegraphed the ending. Matthew's parents also seem to have no personality/drive and are one-dimensional. ("his father was drunk most of the time, and his mother was a condescending know it all..." There needs to be more development here. Also the story would greatly benefit from description. (Especially the clown's transformation. "..., his dainty hands now clawed. His head tilted sharply, bangs parting, exposing black eyes with dark veins leading from them." Also avoid black/red eyes. They tend to be overused in creepypastas and have lost their original impact. I think this story needs some work before it is up to quality standards. I would suggest taking it or your next story to the writer's workshop first for feedback. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:26, March 6, 2015 (UTC)

Unblinking Eyes
The name of the pasta is Unblinking Eyes. I went through, fixed spelling, deleted all cliche things, and still it was not to the quality standards. I used all original ideas, did not skimp on description, read it out loud to make sure it made sense. I also checked with a parent to make sure it flowed well, and they agreed. I personally think that I have done everything correct, but if not, please let me know.

Simmer2001 (talk)Simmer2001


 * First and foremost, you story is one large paragraph. It needs to be broken up. A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences long. Any more and it's difficult to read and is an eyesore. Additionally numbers lower than ten should be written out (unless monetary amounts of time.) Dialogue should also be spaced to new lines and two speakers should never be in the same paragraph to prevent confusion.


 * Punctuation issues: commas missing where needed/overused. "saying "Be my friend. Please be my friend."", "The third night, I stared at Arabella for a while,(not needed) and heard the voice again, saying the same thing.",


 * Story issues: this is entirely too rushed. You need to build more on descriptions and build-up the nights some. It feels like a checklist, night one: slept fine, night two: voices, night three: more voices. There needed to be more events and build-up to develop a sense of tension. Finally your story has been done a number of times already. Ranging from poke pastas like Jessica and video games like Sadie's Revenge. It really wasn't up to our quality standards due to these issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:01, March 6, 2015 (UTC)

The girl in the window/The red coat girl
So, why was my page deleted?

It was deleted 2 times- once because it used the same title, so I reposted it with a new title and you still denied it. Why did you deny it? I checked all spelling, everything, and I still dont know why you deleted it. Really, I think it should be undeleted, I checked and reposted it, and you still denied it. ~


 * Your story was deleted as it was not up to quality standards.


 * Capitalization issues: you capitalize words that do not need to be. "Child", "Babysitter", "Pasta", "Foods", "Ice Cream", "Vanilla", etc.


 * Wording issues: you shift from past to present a number of times in the story. As the protagonist is recollecting the story, it needs to be in past tense. "Thomas is (was) a 5 year old son (boy, "son" implies he is yours.), belonging to a family who is (was) going to Boston to watch a movie." It's=it is, its=possession "Its (it's) a mirror." "His face was almost decapitated." (Decapitation is the act of removing the head from the body, not the face.) "has (had) left invisible stains over her clothes." (Invisible stains couldn't be seen, so why are they included in the visual description.


 * Story issues: This feels very rushed (and similar to another story which was deleted earlier by another user which I will be looking into). The premise of the girl wondering why a basement has a window is nonsensical as basements are below the ground. Additionally how would the protagonist not realize it was a mirror. (Why wouldn't she see her reflection alongside the girl's.) How would she not realize the frame was not part of the wall and thus a mirror. You additionally crib a major plot point from The Portraits ineffectively as there are a lot of plot holes. I agree with Underscorre that this is not up to quality standards for the above issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:51, March 8, 2015 (UTC)

Suits
I thought my Creepypasta met the standards, I had spellchecked it and had checked for grammar mistakes as well..

I thought the pacing was good, as I claimed it was a 'Short Creepypasta' meaning,  it is not going to be super long. And I think it didn't need to be long! I edited the first line, but am scared to upload it. Because I know I'll get banned! Anyway, I would love if you allowed me to reupload my creepypasta as I was very proud of it at the time, but now, am doubting my writing talent...


 * Your story didn't meet quality standards.


 * Punctuation issues: apostrophes missing from words indicating possession. "Jonathan(')s phone" You also overuse and incorrectly use ellipses. (10+ times.) Ellipses are to indicate a pause in spoken dialogue. Using them as a 'dramatic pause' comes off as melodramatic and gimmicky.


 * Capitalization issues: Holidays are capitalized. "halloween" should be Halloween (3 times) If a sentence is not complete after an ellipses, it should not be capitalized. "Who I am is not important..(not needed) What is important..(not needed) Is (is) what I am being for halloween... (Halloween)"


 * Wording issues: "immediatley", "scared out of his friggin' mind." This is a massive tonal shift an would only really work in a first person perspective/narrative. (Why is the narrator getting excited in the description now.) Additionally numbers smaller than ten (unless monetary amounts or time) should be written out as words. "door creek (creak) shut" A creek is a place not a verb.


 * Story issues: Your antagonist comes off as a overpowered CC (Creepypasta character) First off, Jonathan hits a girl in the face with a baseball bat and it barely phases her. (Not a normal response for a fifteen year old or anyone.) "He swung my (yours?) baseball ball hitting her in the side of the head, causing her to fall on the ground, she stood up, grabbed him, threw him to the ground, then climbed on top of him, spread his right arm (to) the side, and slowly begin (began to) the skin him, with each piece being put on her own body." (So this fifteen year old also is capable of flaying a person as well as overpowering someone after being beaten with a baseball bat.) Your story comes off as a means for introducing your OC character and really doesn't have any build up or suspense to it.


 * We have moved away from the 'OC' overpowered teenager brutally murders someone story due to the fact that most re-hash the same plot points and use gore and blood as a crutch. I'm turning down this appeal due to the large amount of wording, punctuation, capitalization, spelling, and plot issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:27, March 8, 2015 (UTC)

Smileyface
Your story does not meet the bare minimum quality standards. There are multiple issues here.

Punctuation issues: commas misused and lacking where a pause is needed in dialogue. Punctuation is missing from dialogue (mainly quotations and closing punctuation) and while on the topic of dialogue, it needs to be spaced out, two speakers should never talk in the same line to prevent confusion and misattributing the speakers, periods missing from abbreviations.

Capitalization issues: "I" and the start of a number of sentences are not capitalized. You also forget to capitalize names. You also capitalize a number of words in the middle of sentences without reason.

Grammar: you're=you are, your=possession. it's=it is, its=possession, they're/there/their issues.

There are numerous typos and wording errors. I strongly suggest you proof-read your next story as I have yet to find a sentence in the story you posted that isn't without errors. It looks like you sat and wrote all of this in one sitting. I am turning down this appeal as your story doesn't meet the bare minimum for this site. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:18, March 11, 2015 (UTC)

A Message
I ended up going into microsoft word and finding the spelling mistakes and making correct paragraphs. I just needed to know if I had permission to reupload and see if the quality is acceptable yet. Thank you! Spacecattt (talk) 22:35, March 10, 2015 (UTC)


 * Your story has a number of issues that reduce it below our quality standards:


 * Wording/Spelling issues: "replyed" (replied), "10 minuets." (minutes), "antisipating" (anticipating), "few minuets", "to notcee her" "It was around 11:00pm(,/.) everyone was essentially doing the same things that I was seen doing, texting, maybe playing a fast (-) pace(paced) game to keep them awake, so I figured it was a fine time to engage in a nice and long conversation with her." (additionally a run-on sentence), "I was sure that my fate would be no better than my mom's so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the biggest knife I could, and stood in a defensive stance, only to be met by face, a terrible grinning face that caught me in a moment where I was frozen, took a picture of me, then took a small knife and stabbed my legs repeatedly until I fell to the ground screaming in agony." (Run-on sentence) "only to be met by (a) face,"


 * Punctuation/capitalization issues: "It couldn't be her, It (it) could not,(not needed) be her.", "insanely... In hopes of seeing the identity of the killer I fast forward(forwarded)"


 * Formatting issues: your last two paragraphs need to be broken up some. (A paragraph is typically five-ten sentences) Additionally, I would avoid using ellipses as a 'drama builder' as that is not its original intent and using it for a 'dramatic pause' makes it seem melodramatic.


 * Story issues: First and foremost, why is the killer returning the texts impersonating the mom? I know it's to entrap the protagonist, but it seems off that they would go to such lengths as opposed to lying in wait. The protagonist jumps to the conclusion someone has taken her phone way too whimsically. "I tried to push it to the back of my mind, maybe her phone was stolen and someone was playing a cruel trick." Additionally your story bears some similarity to the "Screens" portion of Penpal, which detracts from the overall quality when compared due to the lack of build-up in this story. The protagonist jumps to the conclusion that someone is impersonating their mom way too easily. Finally the gore would be more effective if you built up to it. As it stands, it just comes off as an attempt at shocking the audience. I'm sorry, but this story is not up to the quality standards of this site. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:41, March 12, 2015 (UTC)

I Ran
why was "I Ran" deleted?


 * It was not up to quality standards. You start multiple sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because) giving the story a choppy feel.


 * A majority of the issues are with your story/plot itself. Your story also is very vague. Take the opening for example. "I don't know when it started. I don't know when it will end. I can't remember much. Not my name, not where I am, not what had happened. But once I saw it, I ran. It was a normal day. I got up, ate breakfast, took a shower, went to work. In an hour I was going to go home, watch television, eat dinner, and go to bed. I was going to take a subway. But then it walked in, and I ran." That opening might work if you explained what the creature was. Additionally the amnesiac opening feels out of place. (The protagonist can't remember his name, location, or events leading up to the encounter, but they can remember the routine of the day that lead to the encounter.)


 * Your story also feels very rushed and lacks description. The monster isn't described and events and actions are read off episodically without any real build-up or detail. This detracts from the overall quality of the story. This is how you describe the entity: "It's scary, I don't like it." That is a very underwhelming description.


 * Perspective switches: you switch perspectives multiple times without indication or explanation:


 * "I don't even know what it is. It's not human. It doesn't even look like an animal. It's scary, I don't like it. It's going to eat me. It's going to rip me to pieces. It'll have to catch me first, because I took one look at it, and ran.


 * I like humans. They taste so good, but they're a bit bony. I love it when they scream." It seems you are shifting perspectives every line, but something's off with the line of the monster humming in the woods alongside the birds. (Or is this the protagonist?) Without dividers/indicators, this makes it very complicated (and not in a good way.) This story needs a lot of work and needs fleshing out. The appeal is being turned down as its current form has some pretty glaring issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:01, March 12, 2015 (UTC)

Blair Parkers
My story, Blair Parkers was deleted and I think it should be undeleted because I have fully read and understood the rules as I have had previous stories deleted for similar reasons, and read the rules to try t prevent this. However, it was deleted, but I made sure it fit the requirements for the quality standards. --Regan the proxy (talk) 20:09, March 13, 2015 (UTC)Regan the proxy


 * Your story does not meet quality standards. As it was a re-uploaded page, it was deleted (according to the messages you've received on your talk page. This analysis will be focusing on the newer version.) There are some pretty large issues here. Dialogue needs to be spaced out. (Two speakers should never be in the same paragraph to prevent confusion. "She gasps, “What the(hyphen missing)?!” Then, she realized it as(sic) just her friend, Julie. “Blair,class(spacing issue) is over, c’mon, let(')s go!”.(Period not needed)" You also start multiple sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because), which should be avoided as it can give the story a choppy/unpolished feel


 * Capitalization/Punctuation issues: " year. 17 (Seventeen) year old,", "They walked in the room, and they can (could) see many people with running chainsaws in their hands,(.) The (The/the)", "... and walked faster. more (More)...", "...screamed. he (He) didn't stop at them," (Rephrase needed) Apostrophes missing from words indicating possession. "the friend(')s arms", "parents(') door"


 * Wording: Your story shifts from present tense (The second paragraph) to past tense (the following paragraphs.) "...since her school doesn't let you wear your costume, but just a cape is allowed." (Needs re-phrasing/explanation) "They have (had) to leave a bit early because...", "That is he (the) part that scares them the most, even thought hey (they) do know that the chain is off of it, but still." (Needs rephrasing), "scared them the (sic) they were finally out of the chainsaw area."


 * Story issues: Is the opening a newspaper article or a news report? "BREAKING NEWS: Haunted House Murders Survivor Missing! If found please report to local police immediately!" (A newspaper wouldn't say "Breaking News", but it is too succinct for a news report.) There is a lack of description in the haunted house. (You mention three separate times people/dummies popping out, but give no description which weakens the story.) Blair's response is laughably ridiculous. Her nondescript (not named) friends are murdered and her reaction is to murder her parents? Why exactly? Additionally sawing someone's head off would take time and it seems off that neither would resist and would just lay there. (You mention they screamed: "They screamed in horror and pain, then were silent." but didn't struggle.)


 * Finally opening and closing with a news report is cliched (and the second report has the same issues the first report had.) "BREAKING NEWS :(Space not needed) Survivor of multiple homicides still missing! Blair Parkers, age 17, still not yet found, last seen in a magician’s costume, holding a bloody saw. If found, please report to your local police station with the details." This story really seems to be a vehicle for your creepy pasta character and the friends' deaths seem contrived and not fleshed out. (Chainsaw killer in a haunted house is never mentioned after he murders them.) This story has a lot of issues and is not up to our quality standards. I am turning down this appeal. Reuploading it will result in a ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:03, March 13, 2015 (UTC)

I Ran
i re did i ran why was it deleted again


 * It still didn't meet quality standards. As I'm not going to pick through the entire story again, here are the issues I found.


 * Dates need suffixes.


 * Wording issues: "Maybe, in the petite manner I am positioned, he won't be able to smell (see) me."


 * Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "It's eyes", "into it's face", "It's face looks...", "it's claws", "it's teeth"


 * Spelling: "Terrible ceature.(sic)", "I know it's dumb to they (sic) to think it"


 * Three separate people recording their final moments seems unlikely in such a small amount of time. (10 days) This would be better if it focused on a single person as how many people walk around the woods with a notepad/recorder. Additionally why does each person give their age/physical description? "Judging by the snarls that I can hear, my time of death will be around 9:45 p.m." (How does Alan know that/make that estimate?) It just seems like you're padding out the story with three narratives as each corroborate the same thing and repeat information that becomes redundant.


 * Additionally what case is this a part of? The information is never stated so the laying out of each case seems odd without going into detail. This feels really rushed as well. (With the repeating information, grammatical issues, lack of spacing to break up paragraphs) As if you typed it all in one sitting (after the original was deleted) and didn't spend time checking it over. I am turning down this appeal and strongly suggesting you take your next story to the writer's workshop.EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:45, March 13, 2015 (UTC)

The Dog in my Room, A True Story
Honestly, I think my pasta should be accepted because I was telling a true story about a phantom/shadow figure and was asking if anybody has experienced similar events, to see if it is normal for most people, or if it has just happened to me. In my opinion, this pasta was a little unnerving. But really, I honestly think my pasta should be accepted. Please rethink this.

Cipher LOTS-OF-THINGS... (talk) 03:29, March 15, 2015 (UTC)


 * Just because your story was based on reality does not make up for the numerous issues that were present with it.


 * First and foremost, half of your story was a massive paragraph. It needs to be spaced. (Typically five-ten sentences) The frequent use of ellipses for 'dramatic pauses' is also to be avoided. Ellipses are for indicating pauses in dialogue and omission of words from quotations. Using it as a thematic pause comes off as melodramatic/gimmicky. Also avoid starting multiple sentences with conjunctions (but, and, because) as it gives the story a choppy/unpolished feel.


 * Capitalization issues: "...Nine (nine) o’clock pm.". Wording issues: "No more than approximately (approximately means an estimate, following it up with exact numbers is contrary to the definition) ten seconds later, I could identify the figure as… Oh no. I could now see it in MULTIPLE PLACES.". "Also, I have ruled out Hallucinations (hallucinations) as the cause, because I wasn’t very tired, and I hadn’t taken any medication that had “Hallucinations” (hallucinations) listed as a side effect."


 * Story issues: The protagonist shifts tones and ends up betraying the story they meant to tell. (You are trying to tell a horror story, but these asides weaken the plot without having something to contrast it against. "He was sooo little.", "than… DUN DUN DUNNN, the puppy.", "sooo long ago,"


 * Finally, the ending is lackluster and anti-climactic: "Please, if anybody out there is reading this, if (redundant) you have experienced similar events, please leave it in the comments section, or tweet to me on Twitter: my name is Goomba Y. Koopashell" I have also written stories based on true events. A helpful piece of advice, avoid seeking audience commentary and try to build the story as realistically as possible. Don't state this: "If you are reading this, this pasta really IS true(spacing issue) story. Reply to this comment with similar experiences of your own, or just tweet to me: https://twitter.com/Goomba_koopa" Stating an event is true tends to cause disbelief in the audience. Instead try to make the story speak for itself and let the audience come to that conclusion. This story needs a lot of work and currently isn't up to this site's quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:49, March 15, 2015 (UTC)

The Stitcher
Okay, I realized posting the draft of the pasta was wrong. After hours of working. I have the actual story. Again, sorry for posting the draft. May I please post the actual story? It has the same name. Except it's the story. Thank you.


 * Your story is a bio/intro and lacks any real plot.


 * It also has numerous fragmented sentences: "Well, used to be.", " You may ask.", "Others also admire my work." As well as spacing issues: " (space not needed)Enjoy your new beautiful smile! - The Stitcher (space not needed)" Others also admire my work. They always respond, " (sic) The Stitcher (sic)".


 * Story issues: "So, during the night, I surprise them, I stitch while they sleep." How do people not awaken while having their mouths (painfully) stitched shut? The "you're next" style ending is also fairly cliched. I'm turning down this appeal as there really isn't a story here.


 * Finally, the story seems to be based around your OC which this helpful guide will point out the flaws with that approach. (Mainly that the story is used as a vehicle for introducing your creepy pasta character and is generally weak/not plot-driven. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:07, March 16, 2015 (UTC)

It Doesn't Stop There
I know the reason given for the deletion of "It Doesn't Stop There" was that it 'didn't meet quality standards' But I'd like some clarification as to what specific standards it didn't meet. I proofread the entire thing as I was writing it, then went back over it after I was done, before I even published it. --Nyxson (talk) 08:33, March 22, 2015 (UTC)


 * I just reviewed the pasta, and I found why your pasta was deleted. While that setting and plot of your pasta was relativity decent and good, I found the pasta lacking some horror aspects and contains cliches that reduce that pasta's quality. Some things in the story needs to be clarified and more defined like the protagonist's death and his later motives. The protagonist seems to be a bit of an edgelord in my opinion, which is fine because I could where you are going with this, but I can't help to see it as distraction because it's done in excess. Though, what ultimately kills the pasta is the "you're next" ending. It makes the pasta look cheesy and breaks immersion because of the attempt for immersion. The ending is the biggest flaw of the story and fixing it for a less monster-coming-for-you ending will raise the quality of your story. If you want to post a revised verison of your pasta, I highly recommend posting on the Writer's Workshop. -- Sloshedtrain  Talk   Contribs   █  11:14, March 22, 2015 (UTC)

Project Ecstacy
I feel that my pasta did reach the quality standards, and it was deleted the minute I published it.


 * Your story does not meet quality standards. It is rushed and has a number of issues in the plot itself.


 * Phrasing issues. "They popped in..." should be "They popped a" unless you are specifying where. There are also capitalization and redundancy issues. You begin the story in past tense, but shift randomly to present tense through-out. Cliches: I would recommend taking a look at the Cliche list as well. "Their eyes start dripping blood, and they scream "HE'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE!"


 * Story issues: there needs to be some research done for the story. This is a science pasta, but it isn't written like a scientific report. "Dr. Alvansi and Dr. Binasco bought some ecstacy off the street to test on." (What are they testing? The effects, the toxicity, more clarification is needed) "Alvansi starts twitching, sweating, and laughing." (Time frame needed) Additionally the effects of the ecstasy they take is laughably inaccurate. (Instantly bleeding from the eyes, instant psychosis, and self-mutilation.) On that note, the story just seems to devolve into a gimmicky attempt at shock value towards the end. (It may have been more effective if you built to it)


 * The ending is also lackluster: "After the drug wears off, they begin to explain how the experience was the scariest experience (Redundant) of their life. They grab a knife and cut their wrists. 20 (Twenty) minutes later, they lose their life. This experience is the reason why ecstacy is illegal." First off, they take the time to explain why their time under the influence of ecstasy was frightening AFTER gouging out their eyes, shoving their fists into the orbits (Impossible by the way), and ingesting their own eyes. The story is rushed as well and it feels like it was written in a single sitting. Just a final fun fact to close out this story, ecstasy was initially used in marriage counseling due to the fact that it promoted feelings of empathy and affection. I'm turning down this appeal as the story needs a lot of work. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 14:30, March 22, 2015 (UTC)

Untitled story
I worked really hard on my creepy pasta's, in spite of being dyslexic and dyspraxia. people have put the same sort of thing's in their creepy pasta's I have mine, I had gone over my creepy pasta's several time's be for I posted them, to make sure they were readable and made sense.


 * As you have yet to give the title for the story you are contesting AND not signed your signature, this appeal is being denied. Please read the header at the top of the page and correct this and then I will review the story you feel met our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:00, March 23, 2015 (UTC)

Untitled story (again)
I have seen, read and checked my story's, I do not see how my story's are violating any of the web site rule's. I have worked hard on my story's, and mad sure they are not offencive or insensative in any way. I would like to know why my work has been deleted. as far as I can't see anything wrong with them. I'm actualy upset and hart by the fac that my story's have been removed from the page after I worked so hard on them.
 * Denied for the exact same reasons as last time. If you post an appeal like this again, I will have to block you, as you're wasting both our time and yours. 19:33, March 23, 2015 (UTC)

Kraken
I don't understand why i had my edit deleted. I dont think i had any spelling problems or cliche elements, if so please share, and i don't think i did anything wrong. I did work kinda hard to make this, and made it up on the spot, i swear on that. Maybe if you told me what i did wrong instead of completely deleting the edit. and just know that some people might have worked hard on there edit, only to have it deleted because of some minor errors.


 * Your story was deleted as it didn't meet the bare minimum quality standards for this site. Dialogue was improperly spaced onto different lines, Each line contained only one sentence (This is only applicable for poetry)


 * Spelling issues: "Once appon (upon) a time there was a brother sitting on a circle carpet." "celler", "sones (son's) hair." Capitalization: Words capitalized incorrectly "celler, (cellar) i love you.", ""Da Da..." The (the) little boy said."


 * Punctuation: punctuation missing from quotations ""...To see the monster in the celler(cellar)(.)"", "The mother kissed the little brother on the forehead and said(, ")" Apostrophes missing from contractions. "were (We're) going to see the monster in the celler (cellar) son.", "Were (We're) having so much fun with the monster!" You additionally overuse ellipses are weaken their effectiveness.


 * The story is also rushed and it feels like you wrote this in one sitting and really didn't do much with the story. The story just ended without any real explanation or conclusion. (Why is the family going into the cellar? Wh/howy is the monster duplicating their voices? Why is the family so nonchalant about the monster in the basement?) I am turning down this appeal for all of those issues I listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:04, March 25, 2015 (UTC)

Paranormal Investigation
I was not aware that I was creating new catagories. I will gladly change the tags to reality only. Seeing as though it was my first post I have never had experience with what I am to write here in an effort to get my post reposted. I hope that this is enough. Thank you. Twistedpeppermint (talk) 00:35, March 26, 2015 (UTC)


 * Breaking the category rule had no impact on the deletion of your story. Your story was deleted as it was not up to quality standards.


 * Punctuation issues: ellipses really should only be used to indicate pauses in dialogue or omission of words from a quote. Using them as a dramatic pause comes off as melodramatic. (Especially when considering a comma or period serves the same purpose. Apostrophes missing from words denoting possession. "children(')s laughter"


 * Capitalization issues: "If you think about it... Just (just)..." words are capitalized after an ellipses only if they start a new sentence, "child? disembodied (Disembodied)..."


 * Story issues. While it is an interesting concept, the theory is not really well-explained and feels rushed. As this is a theory pasta, the explanation and build-up are key to making it an interesting/involving story. Sadly this story has potential, but is weighed down by punctuation, capitalization, and a plot that really needs elaboration and build-up. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:11, March 26, 2015 (UTC)

Spider Smsh corpse
Im not sure why my pasta is delete. I tried to make a story about arachnophobia, I know maybe it wasn't a good idea to make a pasta in the same style then normalpornfornormalpeople.com because its maybe, just maybe, cliché. If its because of the grammar, I noticed some of the errors and I was going to fix it but when I tried to fix, it was at this moment that my pasta got deleted. Maybe it's worst than I tough but english in not my mother tongue, and im sorry. But still, I was going to fix my grammar error but I cant beceause at this moment it get deleted. I need to know why exactly it was deleted because with that I will know what is the error and not do it again in an other creepypasta.


 * Your story failed to meet the bare minimum quality standards for this site. It was a massive wall of text. Paragraphs need to be broken up and generally consist of five-ten sentences.


 * Wording errors: "I have this phobia since a spider make (sic) its nest under...", "When I clicked on the link, it bring (sic) me on a website...", "In spit (spite) of my", "Then the video begin  with a big spider...", "Then I noticed some scary drawing of dead people son the wall...", etc. Additionally a number of contractions are missing apostrophes.


 * Capitalization issues: "apartment. 2 (Two) hours ago,", " I'm (I'm) sure I saw faces, there were seemed (sic) terrified like has I was"  Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession "and it's step" Tense issues: you shift from past tense to present tense numerous times in the story with no explanation.


 * Story issues: The plot is rushed and does not do a good job of building tension. It basically amounts to: I am afraid of spiders, I visited a site with videos of spiders, I found a spider on my bed. The lack of description and build up of suspense really weaken the story as well. I am turning down your appeal for those reasons above and strongly suggesting you take the next story to the writer's workshop as it seems your grasp of english needs some assistance. Attempting to post another story without getting help will likely result in its immediate deletion. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:31, March 27, 2015 (UTC)

Deerface

 * Your story didn't meet the quality standards for this wiki. It was also a reuploaded page.


 * Capitalization issues: "...little town in (B)birdshill manitoba (Manitoba)", "the (The) two days were normal: let (Let)". Punctuation issues: "-Fondest regards Deerface(.)". Wording issues: "destracted", "Deerface ramming his hand into his mouth an (and) fishing some teeth out with his dirty clawed fingers."


 * Story issues: The story needs work lacks description/is told in a very checklist style manner. "A week later my aunt was to go on a shopping trip down to Fargo, and I was to look after the house. This day marked a horrible turn of events. I bid her farewell," The ending also needs work: "Though just as I've conclude(concluded) this fearful story I feel a deathly silence over the house, I'm going to go see if my neighbor is alright." That ending needs a lot of work to build up the overall tension of the story. As it stands, this story feels rushed and really lacks any attempt to build tension. I am turning down this appeal due to the numerous capitalization, punctuation, capitalization, wording and story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:20, March 28, 2015 (UTC)

sed to live in this house due to other Odd things that happened on a Consistent Basis)

Smokes Smell
Fixed the Grammar issues that made it get deleted, bottom last name "Gillman" is marked as improper however it is a last name, sooo yeah...

Here is the revised version - http://pastebin.com/cvPZUAAE


 * Starting with the smaller issues,


 * Grammar it's=it is, its=possession. ("it's will."), Fragmented sentences: "Looking around there was nothing there." (Additionally redundancy), "Looking right at me from the window, Smiling. (smiling) And then, I passed out." Punctuation issues: commas missing where needed or misused where a semicolon was needed. ("But he didn't he just watched me slowly suffer"


 * Wording issues: you shift from telling the story in past tense to present a number of times. "Later returning to my house I had discovered that there was a forest fire, and that a house has (had) burned to the ground with a family inside. " You start multiple sentences with conjunctions which makes the story feel choppy and unpolished. "And gagged, I couldn't breath. (breathe) Why couldn't I breath (breathe)?


 * Capitalization errors: words improperly capitalized in the middle of sentences. " in my Bed and...", " of my Consciousness,", "Hallway re-assured me", "to Drift into my Waking Dreams", "That only made it Angrier.", "a hot summer (Summer) day", " Parents (parents') room.", " to stay in my Parents(') Bedroom,", etc.


 * Story issues: the story feels very rushed and the ending: " And(avoid starting multiple sentences with conjunctions) I felt No More (no more)." is problematic. The story really doesn't do a good job building tension and feels very rushed due to the numerous grammatical, punctuation, wording, capitalization and plot issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:48, March 29, 2015 (UTC)

Going InSaNe
I don't understand why mine was deleted.

I corrected my spelling errors, cleared up that I was NOT trying to rip off Jeff the Killer yet it was still deleted!

was it all the hate I was recieving?

I was told my story was cliche, however I don't understand how it was.

I'm not asking for it to be re-uploaded, I'm simply stating that I think it's kinda bullshit it was deleted.

I didn't copy any stories I've read as this story was half-based off of real events, the only fake bit, was the murder scene.


 * Starting with the basics, your story is improperly titled and capitalized. Additionally your story needs to be formatted in paragraphs. You can use one sentence for a line every now and then for effect, but for every line is not good stylistically. (That is more for poetry.) Your story did not meet quality standards for this site.


 * Punctuation errors: "My best friend Alecia (Alicia?) (fake name) had turned her back on me and began spreading rumors (about me).", "As I stepped out of the class they began accusing me of cheating on Alex.", "Eventually, Alex's best friend (fake name) Dave, had called me out in the hall." (Additionally, isn't she already in the hall? Also where is the teacher during all of this? Students aren't allowed to be pulled out of class multiple times because they want to 'chat'.) Numerous lines of dialogue are missing closing punctuation. "Alex is only dating you because Dave dared him to. He said you are annoying,fake,stupid,ugly(spaces needed after commas.) and don't know how to dress(.)", " "Why did you lie(?)" Additionally the tilde sign is to indicate a quote. Using it to mark an inflection in dialogue is incorrect. Apostrophes missing from contractions. ""WhO(')s" (Capitalization issues will be detailed lower.)


 * Wording issues: "...her name was Lacey (fake name), I didn't know her well, but she is (was the) one girl you (I) can (could) trust.", "One girl, the first girl who spoke to me when I transferred to the school, Helena (fake name), she full-on despised me, I don't actually know why, but she called me a bitch and wanted to beat me up every time she saw me, she actually asked my little sister where I was because she wanted to bash me on the day I was sick." (run-on sentence), " Deeper cuts, making it bleed a lot I had to lie and tell my mum it was 'my time of the month'." (Fragmented sentence, additionally the sentence would work better if you explained why the mom was suspicious and why the protagonist had to lie.)


 * Capitalization errors: "when (When)he walked off to join Alex, I swear I saw them high five...", "not (Not) many things happened that year, besides many insults and painful...", "In March -i (I) think- I was diagnosed with severe Depression (depression), Anxiety (anxiety,) and Insomnia (insomnia).", "My inner thighs, My (my) arms, My (my) calves,fingertips, lips,cheeks, (space needed) pretty much any flesh I could cut.", "I would accidentally let my inner InSaNiTy (insanity) slip out, I would scare my class mates." (Inner insanity?), "I had a thing for sticking sharp objects in throats, while most people cringe, it makes my InSaNe smile grow wider.", "YoUr DeAtH iS qUiCk aNd PaInFuL. i (I) WaNt To HeAr YoUr AgOnIzInG sCrEaMs(.)" (Additionally what is the purpose of alternating caps? Does it mean she is emphasizing every odd letter, if so, that is going to sound odd/comical when the reader tries to imagine that line.


 * Story issues: "My sexuality began confusing me. I felt no love for anyone. However I was drawn to females more than males." (This line comes out of no where and really has no impact on the story other than creating a plot issue with why she was dating boys earlier and the unexplained shift later in the story.) The bullies come off as cartoonishly evil and the protagonist's transition to losing her mind because she has been bullied has been done to death in a number of other stories. I would suggest looking over the Cliche list for themes/events to avoid. As you can tell, its deletion was clearly 'not bullshit'. The story is not well-written and is riddled with issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:13, March 29, 2015 (UTC)

The Lost Puppy
Hello I would like to know why my pasta "The Lost Puppy" didn't meet the standards. I personally do not see any problems but I would like to know why it has been deleted, I have put quite some effort into it.


 * The story was deleted as it wasn't up to quality standards. Starting with the smaller things, your paragraphs need to be more broken up. A typical paragraph has five-ten sentences, any more and it comes off as blocky and hard to read. Additionally dialogue should be separated out. There should never be two speakers talking in the same paragraph.


 * Wording issues: "My friend Justin will not leave me alone, like a lost puppy. He always had the habit of following me whenever we were in the vicinity of each other." (Needs rephrasing. If you compare him to a lost puppy, you should explain how in the same sentence.) "Really annoy the fucking piss out of me! Kind of like a lost puppy." is a bit redundant as you already stated this one sentence earlier. "Marc I need to recall the favour(.)" (Awkward phrasing), ""Sure what do you need?", "Shotgun Marc. Shotgun." Without the commas, that sentence could imply the verb shotgun: to shot with a shotgun, which would be quite sad for Marc. "my new best friend Bessie (the) double barrel,"


 * Punctuation issues: plural words do not need an apostrophe. "interest's", "mechanic's", "problem's", "tenant's", "friend's" Those words need an apostrophe if you are indicating possession. Commas missing before dialogue. "...yelled "What in the fuck are you doing here!?"", "whispered "I was just here to talk to you and the door was locked".(period should be inside the quotations.)" Commas lacking where needed: "Yeah I have no idea what has gotten into Justin lately but he has become strange.(awkward phrasing. Did you mean acting strange?)", "Several month's (sic) later I had the same nightmare."


 * Grammar: you're=you are, your=possession. "But your (you're) still scared of it." Apostrophes missing from words denoting possession: "buddies(') house." Also, I think you meant "buddy's" as it is singular.


 * Story issues: "Justin was limping towards me." When was Justin hurt? This is never mentioned and comes off as odd. The ending also needs work. "Justin then whispered to me in a calm soft voice (")woof... (Woof...)(") The protagonist mentioned that Justin is like a lost puppy multiple times, but never once to Justin, how is he privy to this information? Finally the closing police report has issues: "...found there was a colourful mix of pills and painkillers in the victim's systems (system)." First off, what other type of pills? This is a police officer's report, they are going to be much more concise and descriptive than that. As this story has numerous punctuation, wording, grammatical, and story issues; I am turning down this appeal and strongly suggesting you take your next story to the writer's workshop as your review of the story turned up no problems yet I found all of these issues in a single reading. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:00, March 29, 2015 (UTC)

Cannibal Kid
I spent a lot of time writing this and I don't understand why it has been deleted. I would like it if you explained that so I can do something about it. --AkaKage666 (talk) 20:25, March 29, 2015 (UTC)


 * Your story was deleted as it wasn't up to quality standards. Starting with the basics, there were formatting/coding errors. Every paragraph has this issues:  You’re never safe. He will find you. He always does. You can hide or run but he will catch up and feed on your sanity until there’s no more left. 


 * Punctuation issues: your story shifts back and forth multiple times between quotation marks and single quotations when using dialogue. "Hihi.” to ‘You broke the rules, now you have to pay the price.’ As you tend to use a single quotation for mental thought, this can be quite confusing and it becomes more prevalent as the story goes on. Additionally the ellipses become a bit overused (ten + times) and really seem out of place when used outside of dialogue. It transforms normal lines into something more melodramatic and sometimes cringe-worthy. ("He is . . . Cannibal Kid."


 * Wording issues: you shift from past tense to present a number of times through-out the story. "I heard her faint as dad throw up." "The terrified look in her dead eyes and blood everywhere, pouring from her mouth and her neck.", “Bye-bye.” The cannibal chimed and grabbing his wind pipe, ripping it out. Blood gushing everywhere as he burst out laughing.", "brother(')s fresh heart.", "When I was done and sure I won’t (wouldn't) throw up anymore.", "Did you have one a nightmare?”, "Honey, the children you peak (speak) of don’t exist.", "“Yo- your (you're) right."


 * Story issues: there's a pretty big plot hole here. In the opening "So, you wanna know how I became his newest toy and lost my sanity? It’s quite simple really, and I can tell you the tale." to the end "“Bye- bye Sam.” He said grinning with a terrifying look on his face. He pulled me up by the throat and stabbed his hand through my chest. “It was fun. My name is Cannibal Kid by the way.” He said before he grabbed my beating heart and ripped it out." As you were telling the story in past tense, this makes it quite confusing. How did he die and then compose the story? (Especially with the introduction that reveals the antagonist's name, but the antagonist only gives that name seconds before the protagonist is killed.) Also the name "Cannibal Kid" seems off.


 * More story issues: this really comes off more as an introduction/vehicle for your OC/CPC than a story itself. The dialogue also needs some work as there are some pretty iffy dialogue choices. (see above) You also use the term "blood gushing/spilling" everywhere three separate times and it really needs some variety/other method of description. I am turning down this story as there are a number of punctuation, wording, and story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:50, March 29, 2015 (UTC)

Cracked
Hello, I have made a new revised version of my story, Cracked, and I changed the errors I made such as including unicode or "Zalgo" text. I would like to request permission for a appeal, or if there is anything else I need to know I would be willing to listen. Nyxious (talk) 05:00, March 30, 2015 (UTC)


 * There's a reason why I advised you to take the story to the Writer's workshop before submitting this appeal. I am afraid I am going to have to turn down this appeal for the numerous grammatical, spacing, and wording issues.


 * Spacing: This is how your story is spaced currently through-out the entire thing: "John Cooper was a average man, lived a average life. He wasn't especially unique in anyway, except


 * for his love for his son, Ryan. His wife died shortly after Ryan's birth, thus leaving his son as"
 * Additionally dialogue needs to be spaced out. You should not have two speakers talking in the same paragraph. Also when having a back-and-forth, it's a good idea to re-confirm who is saying what line every now and then to prevent confusion. A number of paragraphs should also be more broken up as a typical paragraph is five-ten sentences.


 * Wording errors: you shift tenses from past to present a few times. " Ryan always came back on time, he never was more than five minutes late, and it's (it'd) been an hour.", "John readied his knife, as he thought it unfair that this man has (had) his son but John didn't. As he..." Avoid starting so many sentences with conjunctions. (but, and, because) "He burst in (through) the doors of the station,", "The chief, after a brief moment of confusion, got up terrified.", "unable to get a ready (steady) aim.", "A (An) extremely..."


 * Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession "it's (its)only uses were...". your=possession, you're=you are. "YOUR the one who wouldn't stop hitting him!", "tell them your (you're) an accomplice"


 * Story issues: For being an ordinary man, ("John Cooper was a average man, lived a average life. He wasn't especially unique in anyway, except his love of his son") he does some extraordinary/implausible things. ("he threw his knife into the chief's chest, causing him to plummet to the ground.") He also takes out two trained officers within minutes without getting a scratch. Finally the ending just dissolves into zalgo-text "T̛͍ͅḫ̛͖͈̭̟e̪̩̼͎ v̶͕̟̘̻o̮̤̳͓͈̗̹ị͓̰̮̕c̗̣̹͙̥̬̭̀e͚̦̥̱̰̺̟..̻̹̪̣͚.͕.҉͖̪͖̤i̠̠͔̝̕ͅt̩͈̺̥̠̳̻̀ ҉̮w̡̳ͅo̳n̶̦'͚̦̞͎̠̟̲t̻̣̙̺̦̫̩́ ̲sţ͔o̳̺͖̤p̤̲̖̭̱͔ͅ.͚̺͖.̱̟̤̻̯ͅ..̵͕̭̝he̗l̻̭p͇̥͖.̜̠̗ͅ.̭̘̥͙͖̟̯.̡͇̙͈̰̦.h̤͔̩̩͎̦͔e̴l͚̖͎̬̫̻͡p̜̫͔͚̭͖.̹͇͕̘̜.͕͎.̡̩͓̣̳͖." without any real bearing on the story. How does this factor in at all to the


 * father's madness? I recommended you take this to the writer's workshop before making this appeal, but as these issues are still present I am going to have to turn down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk)

Epic Mickey - It's A Small World
This isn't my story but there isn't any real good reason for the deletion apart from 'mass deletion of video games pastas'. Punctuation and spelling was good. The only reason I can imagine is that there's a video games creepypasta wiki in which case could someone link me to? Lewleworange (talk) 16:24, March 31, 2015 (UTC)


 * The story (copy here as I couldn't find a copy elsewhere) really has some pretty serious issues that really don't set it up for being good enough to bypass our blacklist and quality standards. The initial portion (which makes up a third of the story) is just a re-capping of the game up to the clocktower section. The section afteris an alternate idea which was shot down due to the fact that it violated copyright rules (having "It's a Small World" playing in a distorted tone) Perhaps the only real moment that can be considered as creepy pasta is the one youtuber who had modded it so the clocktower bled, but even that seems kinda cliched. There really isn't much of a story here and what story there is really isn't done effectively. I'm sorry, but this really doesn't seem involving enough to be on the site. Perhaps you can take it to the Spinpasta or SOG wiki now that you have the copy? (Note: Re-posting it here will result in a ban.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:48, March 31, 2015 (UTC)

Sanitarium
Hi, My story, called "Sanitarium" got deleted. I have no idea why, can I reupload it? I think my story deserves to stay.

Burnandbleed (talk) 14:32, April 1, 2015 (UTC)


 * Your story doesn't meet quality standards for this site. Starting with the smaller things, your fifth paragraph needs to be broken up. (A typical paragraph is five to ten sentences. Thirty plus sentences makes it a pain to read and really seems cumbersome.)


 * Wording issues: "The flesh around my wrists are (is, flesh is singular) soft, but saturated (covered, saturated is to be used in conjunction with a fluid) with rust particles.  I examine my current state.  I seem to be wearing something… something degraded… canvas… white… torn around the hands…" (I would also advise you to cut back on ellipses (15 + times is excessive) and to use ellipses only to indicate a pause in dialogue because as the previous sentence highlights, over-use can break the flow of a sentence and come off as overly dramatic. "Why?  Why am I in a straitjacket?  Why was I in shackles?  (I brush) Those thoughts aside, ..." Additionally thoughts should really be put in single quotations or italics to differentiate it from the narrative itself.


 * Multiple fragmented sentences: "It’s a hospital.  A mental hospital.  A sanitarium. (multiple fragmented sentences) I slowly lurch (contradiction, as lurch implies sudden movement/conclusion) to the realization that I’m a patient here…", "Flesh.  Rotting flesh.  Dead.", "Wait.  Not an object.  A person.  A corpse." A majority of these could be connected with a comma instead of using a full stop each time.


 * Story issues: while an interesting concept, the numerous incomplete sentences, ellipses, incorrect wording (it's=it is, its=possession) "it's name above the doorway," really bogs the story down. The vague/unfinished-feeling ending also is a weak point for the tory. "I walk.  The sanitarium now a black, tiny square in the distance.  Light.  I’m blinded.  Voices.  Whispering.  Pounding through the back of my head.  It hurts. Falling.  Stop." What exactly is this meant to imply? The voices seemingly come out of no where and aren't really built-up to anywhere else in the story. Finally, there really isn't a good sense of build-up or suspense in the story. A person wakes up in a sanitarium, leaves sanitarium, hears voices, faints. There really isn't any tension or explanation so it just feels like you started with an interesting premise, but didn't flesh it out. I am in agreement with Underscorre that this story is not up to quality standards and needs revision/re-working. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:30, April 1, 2015 (UTC)

Rods
The first edition of the story contains some grammar problems, for which I'm truly sorry. I have fixed most of those problems and now I'm ready to post a new, revised version. However I was told that deleted pastas must never be re-posted. Since I really liked the concept of this story, is there anything I could do to get it published on the site? Or is it true that ABSOLUTELY no amount of revising and fixing is sufficient to save a once deleted idea? I'd be really glad to have your suggestion on what to do next. :) Thank you! ~Yours Faithfully, OCEANGREEN


 * Starting with the smaller things, the categories "Beings", "Cryptids", and "Ghosts" cannot be tagged together. Additionally numbers smaller than ten should really be written out unless they are denoting monetary amounts or time.


 * Spacing issues: "Dr.Brian" ('Dr. Brian', as doctor and Brian are two separate words), this is done six separate times and once is correctly spaced. Punctuation issues: words that directly impact on each other should be hyphenated. "Rod like" (Rod-like)


 * Wording issues: "To make things even more puzzling, a Rod seemed to have flew (flown, flew is plural as in: the chickens flew the coop) right out of the mouth of a dying patient in the last clip.", "Determined to find out more about these mysterious flying objects, Dr.Brian (sic) setup (set up, setup is a noun; set up is the verb) some high speed cameras beside the beds of several patients, and tuned them to run automatically at fixed intervals."


 * Story issues: while there is an interesting basis for the story (As air rods/sky fish are an investigated cryptic), the plot isn't really too focused. It builds up on the concept of sky fish, but really does nothing beyond that. You really need to flesh out the concept and build on it more. Building on the descriptions would have made the story much stronger. "The apparition passed repeatedly before the eyes of a nearby nurse, its mouth opening and closing rapidly in a soundless scream, as if trying to get her attention. Then it flew right through a wall and disappeared."


 * I was originally going to suggest you re-work the story and resubmit a copy to the deletion appeal (which is how most of the stories that pass are accepted. The sea of denied stories you see above this one were all submitted without any work,/negligible work being given towards improving the issues that got the stories deleted in the first place.), but in the process of typing out my response, you re-uploaded it with minimal changes and I was forced to delete it again. I would suggest taking it to the writer's workshop for feedback/assistance as there are a number of issues you looked over and plot points you need to flesh out. As it stands, I am denying this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:20, April 2, 2015 (UTC)