Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28718262-20160806123657/@comment-29579113-20160811001711

Hello there! I liked the idea of a haunted swing with a rhyme to go along with it, specifically the idea that there would be a clear weight to the swing even though nothing is there visually. Something about that feels eerie.

I do think there are too many characters. This story could get by just fine with two. You mentioned Jake grabbing Ellery's hand at one point, which hints that they're together, so those two could be the main characters. Maybe Jake wants to investigate this urban legend and Ellery wants to impress him and decides to go along with it.

I would also recommend adding a little backstory to this Swing Game urban legend for Jake to talk about. Like an accident at an elementary school where a kid swung too high, and fell just right as to get the chain of the swing wrapped around his neck, killing him.

Good luck with future drafts, I look forward to seeing how this turns out!