Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25481232-20141002212206/@comment-25170312-20141002221911

Not bad, but there's some issues.

First of all, you flip back and forth between past and present tense. Sometimes there is justification, but most of the time there isn't.

Another issue is the line: "There have been a recent string of murders, we believe it to be the work of the same killer because they all showed signs of severe torture." This gives everything away. I can understand if you want the reader to think he was a killer right away, but if not then you should change that.

I also thought it was weird that the manager of the cabins didn't know about local places of interest. That's not normal. Maybe it was supposed to be eerie that she couldn't remember? It seems unnecessary unless there is something supernatural about the cabins, lake, or forest that would tie into it.

Honestly, the major issue is the poor grammar. If you can fix that then it will read better and people will have an easier time critiquing the actual story. Maybe try and make the ending less obvious. And start a new paragraph when different people speak. That's all I can think of, good luck! XD