Talk:Operation Stingray/@comment-29597457-20160812032733

A'ite. I've read a lot of stories on here lately that I've been... well... too lazy to write a comment for.

Like who even gives a shit what my opinion is anyway? I mean it's a good, worthwhile opinion, but the important thing I find with shitty creepypasta fiction is if you enjoyed it or not... sort of.

So I'm going to critique this one a bit because I'm hella fuckin' tired of reading 10/10's being slapped on horse shit.

This story opens well, has a cute (if slightly hurr durr military srs bsns) premise and mind control is a perfectly viable point of creep that prys into all manner of insecurities humans may have.

The entire first chunk (technical terms here) sets us up for a story about a normal guy with a smart friend who really is, as described, the right kind of asshole.

Unfortunately this shit quickly descends into some kind of power fantasy. I mean... "Is that the best you've got?" and all this shit after this completely normal, not too smart guy has his teeth smacked out of his face? Are you fuckin' sure about that?

I mean, by all means have a really headstrong main character - but this opened up as a forum post warning people and ended like a psychological action-thriller backstory for a really vapid supervillain.

I've read the comments and seen people saying Dr. Dreiser seems interesting.

No he doesn't. This man is every shit movie mad scientist ever. One liners, self absorbed pseudo-intellectual philosophising. Some of it's pretty cool from the perspective that he's fucked up enough to hold these views, but it's like a really tasty caramel center wrapped not in chocolate, but turd.

Absolutely no Pasta of this quality deserves "pasta of the month", implied rape scenes for the sake of giving a character some "moral vengeance" is lazy as fuck, killing the atmosphere of your opening premise in favour of "I'm a fuckin tough guy and then I attain godlike power I'll use for a corrupt sense of morality" could have some value somewhere, but was in no way built up here.

I could go on and on about the flaws in this Pasta and how it starts with one tone, goes to another, switches back to its opening tone (but the writer still has time to type and post "Oh shit they found me" and then apparently later post that he's the controller of humanity???) and then switches back to it's power trip... but I think nothing I say can condemn this more than your own mind will when you re-read the first line;

"I have to make this quick. I don't have much time. None of us do."

So here's where I rate it. To be clear - this deserves a 10/10 for its POTENTIAL. What it COULD HAVE been (and could still be if the author is willing to revisit it).

But for what it is?

3/10 and I'm being generous.

I don't really care how good you are at slapping words together if your capacity for coherence and storytelling has less tangibility than some of the entities read about on this site.