Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-5239282-20140530021943/@comment-5239282-20140530201931

Sykokillah wrote: Necrosanity wrote:

Sykokillah wrote: I really don't get the story. Is  it about cannibalism and then regreting it, cause you said something about eating your brother's flesh and saying what have I become? That's... exactly what I feared. Haha. Might as well explain:

The poem functions as a creation story. Having been elevated to a higher conscience, the narrator remarks that "the Defendant" (or, God) literally mass-produced humans through "the hollow" (or, the origin point of all life). Which is why it states that humanity is a collection of undefinable creatures in God's eyes.

"We choked on reality's gases" implies that humanity was once very well aware of this, but countered it by making God out to be "resplendent and transcendent."

In other words, the birth of religious ideology, creation stories, and the theory of higher life.

The narrator learns of the truth and desires to spread it throughout humanity. He also does this because he feels cast out from the rest of humanity (ie, the "made to[...]" lines).

To prove his point, he kills his brother in front of his family (all humanity). He sees no other surefire way to prove himself, and he isn't aware of the cost; he's narrow-minded. The family finally sees the error of their ways, as everyday, similar incidents occur without proper action. They welcomed violence into their culture and embraced it, even using it to further their agenda.

In effect, humanity has become a higher lifeform, terrified by the knowledge of their blood-stained, filthy past.

They choose the morally right choice and repent, committing suicide but going against what the narrator wanted: to be welcomed and loved. Now, as the last member of his race, he's truly alone.

The poem ends with him contemplating suicide, just like the rest of humanity. And if he does, he'll "retreat back to the hollow," presumably for God to rebirth them by means of the hollow.

... That's basically my thought process. ;p Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,  I get it now, well somewhat. But most people won't (including me) understand the story by reading the poem. Maybe you could be less poetic and more straightforward in a few lines, you knowl, so people are able to understand it. :P So be more concise. I guess a lot of my poems would only make sense if they were dissected and carefully digested. Which makes for interesting stimulation and discussion, but not for pure entertainment purposes.

I'll reword a few lines to make it more clear, and we'll go from there. Thanks. ;p

So apart from less-than-stellar delivery, how is my word selection and whatnot?