Talk:Dark Park/@comment-5733573-20181009155124

This is the very definition of "burying the lead." All the exposition at the end kind of kills the story. It would be more effective to work it into the beginning, and even then, the story wouldn't be terribly satisfying. There just isn't very much here.

As far as execution, it's a bit dry. There's no life in how you've presented the "facts" of the story. It feels more like a report.

In the future, I would suggest fleshing out your idea more and then thinking about how you can make it vivid and real to the reader.