Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27008899-20160427173319/@comment-28266772-20160503144456

Great story. Dr Frank N Furter picks up most of your proof reading errors, but after you finish a rewrite I'd still recommend reading over it again, or getting a friend to, so you can pick out any other errors.

I enjoyed this story. I liked the whole concept, and thought you executed it pretty well. If I had to recommend anything it's that you could wring the core concept for way more gruesome scenarios. Being unable to die is actually pretty terrifying. Imagine if you fell into wet cement while no one noticed? Imagine if an astronaut was jettisoned out of the ISS? Imagine the fun some serial killers could have with immortal victims? Just google botfly and think about what that could do in the skull of someone who couldn't die. Overall, I guess I'd say that my main criticism is that being stuck on a sofa sucks, but isn't as nightmarish as it could be given the potential of immortality. Might be worth describing the horrors that some of the other individuals with the jitters have been forced to endure.

Also it's pretty well documented that you don't need a lot of boredom to drive people mad, so it'd be nice to see that taken into consideration as well.

Regards,

Christian Wallis