Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25458443-20141012092019/@comment-24821182-20141012094813

I thought it was fairly decent. It's a little cliché, being reminiscent of a number of other stories in the Reality-category, but the grammar is fairly good with only a few errors, and there's a little originality to it with the narrator's theory in the beginning.

Now for some grammatical errors I spotted:

- A piece of dialogue should not end with a period if it's followed up by some variation of "he/she/it said". In these cases, the bit of dialogue should end with a comma instead.

- The sentence: "I might be among the 2 percent of people to be in a room full of demons than be a 14 year old who is still afraid of the dark." sounds rather awkwardly phrased.

- The word "Heaven" should be capitalized when you refer to the abode of the Christian God, much like how "Bible" is capitalized when you refer to that particular book of scriptures.