Board Thread:General Wiki Discussion/@comment-33077235-20180922002654/@comment-36627132-20180922034533

Simon Slaughters wrote: Id still like to know where. Spelling and grammar issues: It is still poorly formatted and lacks punctuation in most places, so much so that I'm only going to list a few as listing all of them would make this a wall of text. "very creative name I thought to myself out of boredom" this error is still there. "there was a man not showing his face stirring a pot wearing gloves" those issues are still there. Dialogue should be seperated from narration (it is acceptable to have narration and dialogue in the same paragraph if done right, but it isn't here). On top of that the man's dialogue is awkward. "why did he put stress on pets the guy was sounding strange, but I didn’t know the half of it then." lacks a question mark and is hard to understand without punctuation. "but something didn’t quite settle right with me he is still stirring a metal pot" punctuation is key here. "'I’ll introduce you to these wonderful creatures tomorrow save the link that is in the description tomorrow for this same time and maybe you’ll learn how to feed your pets the stream was less than ten minutes then it cut off" we're missing when the man stops talking and the narrator takes over. "his left eye is grey as a bonus his face looks" more punctuation issues. "ad scoops" you forgot the n in "and". "I decided to record it 'to turn this freak into the police' I mumble to myself," he shouldn't mumble that to himself as the narration of it is enough, stirring it with the narration just looks bad. "'I want to see how they'" he stopped in dead sentance and right after that "he strain his voice" it should be "strained". "I go and look for my recording so I can turn this site in but I freeze as I realize “I forgot to press record” with hope" First off, as mentioned, you shouldn't intertwine narration and dialogue. Second, there is no punctuation here. "I’m not sure why and I still wonder today am I the real psycho for watching or is he." not only is there punctuation issues, but this should end with a question mark, not a period. Also it should be swapped "is he the real psycho or am I for watching?" makes more sense.

Plot issues: When the man says "pets" you should consider bolding it (and possibly using italics) so the reader can see the emphasis. It kind of seems pointless that all these streams took place days in a row rather than just one. "I’m ready to click off" tense swap here. "The next day I go" tense swap again. "I click it" more tense swap. "All night I had sat up wondering just what I might witness on this new site," you never mention it is a new site, the reader thinks you are still on Youtube because it was never mentioned as a seperate site (let alone how he went from Youtube to an all new site). As I've mentioned before, parts of the video make it sound like a fetish video. " I go look for his channel on Youtube but the channel 'I am nobody' it isn’t there." not only is there wording issues here, but also this seems to be a much awaited conformation that Youtube and Iamnobody's site are two different websites. And finally, the whole "am I the real psycho for watching or is he." makes no sense. The man watched out of morbid curiosity and because it was so horrible he couldn't stop.