User talk:Doom Vroom/Archive 2

Emp besmirches your perfectly clean talk page
You archived it right (as far as I can tell). As for your story, Grizzly (a former admin here) was pretty spot on, some of the rhyming seems awkward (retreat/meat/feat, lunge/plunge) and most of the poems on this wiki are punctuated. Especially ones that use a rhyming scheme. (like AABB or ABBA) Also the rhythm seems bit skewed. (Try reading it aloud and count syllables and length to get an idea of rhythm issues.)

I don't want to be discouraging but poetry is tough and we've recently had to cull our list of poems and increase the quality standards for poetry due to the fact that a lot of poems we receive do not meet QS so this might not be the best venue for experimenting with poetry. It got so bad that we were discussing blacklisting it all together. If you want to continue, my best piece of advice is to read a lot of poetry (on and off this site) and use the WW for feedback. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:14, May 30, 2015 (UTC)


 * Or I knew it was a trap and part of my trap was blundering into your trap to lull you into a false sense of security. Let's get this as complicated as possible, Rashomon-style.


 * I didn't mean to imply you were against Grizzly's review (Your response to her comment is proof of that.) I was just adding credentials to the review and adding on a little. As for other good poems to check out, Lovecraft and Poe are good examples of poetry to check out. The Cremation of Sam McGee is one of my favorites. There are also a few modern authors on there that might be a bit more beneficial if you are looking to write a poem. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:37, May 30, 2015 (UTC)

Looking at it now
Thanks for asking my opinion. I am not really much of a poetry expert myself, but I'll look it over and give you some honest feedback.

Banningk1979 (talk) 17:22, May 30, 2015 (UTC)

Thank you
Yeah, now it's festive orange instead of neon green. Well, it'll play well around Halloween!

Best,

Banningk1979 (talk) 20:38, May 30, 2015 (UTC)

Re:
Sure, I'd like to. --Mr. Mojo Risin&#39; (talk) 21:01, May 30, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks!
I'll be sure to check them out! Da Dancing Mudkipper Says: So you think you can dance!? (CrazyWords) 21:57, May 30, 2015 (UTC)CrazyWords


 * Also, I already knew you were going to be popular. Da Dancing Mudkipper Says: So you think you can dance!? (CrazyWords) 22:01, May 30, 2015 (UTC)CrazyWords


 * Then your doing a really good job! Da Dancing Mudkipper Says: So you think you can dance!? (CrazyWords) 22:06, May 30, 2015 (UTC)CrazyWords

Forum
'k I joined, how do I PM you on this thing? --Mr. Mojo Risin&#39; (talk) 02:22, May 31, 2015 (UTC)

Ah, alright. Is there introduction threads or anything like that? --Mr. Mojo Risin&#39; (talk) 02:33, May 31, 2015 (UTC)

I posted a brief introduction on the anime and manga thread. Dang, it is a pain. --Mr. Mojo Risin&#39; (talk) 04:04, May 31, 2015 (UTC)

Thank you so much, D. V.
Really, I work very hard on these pastas and it is a joy to know they are appreciated. Creepypasta has been a great place for me to exercise my writing and I feel it has helped me immeasurably. This is just a great place for writers and lovers of horror to come together and I am just so glad I stumbled upon it. HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 01:06, June 1, 2015 (UTC)

Hey there!
Good news! I'm almost done with the fifth chapter of my pasta! I have the rest of the the chapter planned out. However, I'm still stuck on how I should word it. I can send you what I have so far for chapter 5 along with my plans for what will happen next via Pastebin.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 01:44, June 1, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 01:44, June 1, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Tale" message
OK. I can send the whole story if you want. Just let me paste it from my tablet. I'll still send you my plans for the story though.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 02:12, June 1, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 02:12, June 1, 2015 (UTC)

I got the story!
Here: http://pastebin.com/E3zU0q4t

Here's the ideas: http://pastebin.com/GmZedgAq

I only presented one idea since it's related to this chaper and the ideas following that can be saved for later chapters.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 03:45, June 1, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk)

Reply to "Good Story" message
Thanks! Since this is a lost episode pasta, I'm trying to avoid or subvert as many cliches as possible. I hope I'm doing a good job of that. How would you take the girl getting hit by the golden streak and word it so that it's not just a couple of sentences?

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 15:56, June 1, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 15:56, June 1, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Streak" message
Well basically I want the streak to kill her as she's investigating the forest. When the streak kills her, it will go right through her body with no blood coming out of her body. After that, the chapter ends and the next chapter will focus on the rest of the episode.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 20:00, June 1, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 20:00, June 1, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "I wrote this" message
Oh wow! That's fantastic! Do you mind if I use this? I'll pay you 500 internet dollars. (Gives Doom 500 Internet Dollars).

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 22:17, June 1, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 22:17, June 1, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Honored" message
I would love to have you help me with my pasta. The more peers to review it, the better. If I get stuck, I'll consult you along with a couple of other people to help me out. Now I can FINALLY finish chapter 5. I'll reveal more of my ideas when I get to working on chapter 6.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 23:38, June 1, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 23:38, June 1, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Can't Wait" message
I don't know how long the pasta will be. However, it will require a table of contents box and I don't know how to add that to a story on this wiki without breaking the page. Koromo said she might help me with that but I was wondering if you could give me a tutorial on how to add a table of contents to my pasta. Do you know how to do that?

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 00:54, June 2, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 00:54, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Table" message
What kind of formatting do I use? Heading 2? Heading 3? Heading 4? Heading 5? or Code/preformatted? Do I have to use the "Table" option to make the table of contents?

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 01:25, June 2, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 01:25, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

b
Why don't you just message me on Skype or MyAnimeList? I can give them if you want. --Mr. Mojo Risin&#39; (talk) 01:40, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

I did it!
I finished chapter 5! I took what you wrote and added my own flair to it.

Here's the pastebin link: http://pastebin.com/Yj4TPYz4

Hope you like it!

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 02:13, June 2, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 02:13, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

Hello
Hi! I hope I'm not annoying you with being too forward, but I saw that you edited my story Brother's Treasure. I was hoping you might give some advice on what I could to to fix it. No matter how many times I look at it, it feels off. You seem to get around this site a lot, and I'm really new to writing (this is my first real story). I'm kinda desperate.

--Masters 04:50, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Read" message
Cool! Hope you like it.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 05:21, June 2, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 05:21, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Error" message
Whoops! Don't worry I'll fix that... Because I'm magic!

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 06:28, June 2, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 06:28, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks
Again, thank you so much. I went through it again and fixed the things you suggested, except the capital Brother. I was using that as a replacement for his name. The little brother worships his big brother so much that it was supposed to be like when Christians capitalize God, ya know? But i think I got most of the other errors fixed. other than that, I don't really know what to do with it. I still feel like it's lacking something, but I can't think of any changes to make. I don't wanna screw up the story line too much, so I'm kinda afraid to mess with it. You suggestions helped like a ton though, so I'm feeling much better about it. Do you think the POV changes are alright though? I hear people hate those, but I think it adds a little depth to the story, if done right.

--Masters 07:50, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

You're a life saver! Actually, Vladimere Masters is my real name (And yes, the spelling is odd. My dad wanted it to be "unique"). But I wasn't called Vladi till one of my friends started watching Danny Phantom, and naturally made me watch it too. She thought it was so funny that I shared his name that she hasn't called me anything but Vladi since. She even likes to yell at me in her "Jack Fenton voice".

--Masters 17:23, June 2, 2015 (UTC)

Sorry For The Wait. :o
It's here: The Hands I Never Felt There is a narration on YouTube too if you want to listen to it. Hope you enjoy. .o. A never-ending chain of events intertwined by sentences... A picture is worth a thousand words, but only a thousand words will be a story. (talk) 15:25, June 3, 2015 (UTC)

MAL
http://myanimelist.net/profile/CalvinCandie It's underdeveloped and I don't use it often, but PM me and I'll respond ASAP. --Mr. Mojo Risin&#39; (talk) 17:57, June 4, 2015 (UTC)

Can you go to writers workshop and review my story I Think My Parents Have Been Replaced?

New stories
Hey dude. Planning on releasing any new stories soon?

Thanks for the assistance
Hey,

Thank you for the help with I Met God Today. It's a really great story, which is why I chose to put in the long commitment to getting it looking better. I appreciate you jumping in and taking some of the load, because that one was loaded with errors.

Banningk1979 (talk) 01:44, June 5, 2015 (UTC)

Re: New stories
Oops! I did forget to add you. That has been rectified. I'm going to check out your new stories, hopefully make some collaborations out of them.

--My readings https&#58;//www.youtube.com/playlist?list&#61;PLfP958GA3Wm8llOIrT-1U6gCE_xxLLZ5Q (talk) 20:22, June 5, 2015 (UTC)

Don't be embarrassed, bro, everyone makes a typo once in a while
I replied to your reply HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 21:48, June 5, 2015 (UTC)

RE:
I haven't really had much time to write recently, I've been working on a lot of stuff in real life, and that coupled with trying to keep one eye on the recent changes makes it rather difficult to sit down and allocate any proper time for writing.

Also, Emp taught me everything I know about ninja'ing, he is the ninja sensei.

06:21, June 6, 2015 (UTC)

Re: trollpasta
Yup, I noticed. I'm afraid my hands are tied and I have to ban you for three days. Joking. It happens from time to time. Banning once recreated a Slenderman/Jeff fanfic by trying to mark it for deletion as I was deleting it. (Or so he tells us...) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:00, June 7, 2015 (UTC)
 * That duplication thing happens once in a blue moon, but it's better to mark a story for review/deletion if you're worried it'll slip through the cracks than to leave it alone. (They rarely get by, but every now-and-then a story will be uploaded late at night when no one is around to QC it) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:17, June 7, 2015 (UTC)

Yes please!
Yes please my talk page is getting pretty crazy! If you could archive it for me that'd be so great :)

Thanks so much, Natalo (talk) 10:52, June 8, 2015 (UTC)

Very excited to see what you got
Hey,

You've certainly got my curiousity up now. I look forward to seeing this devil story that pokes a bit a fun at ol' Banning. You certainly have the talent to pull that off, so I am very much looking forward to seeing what you write.

As far as GreyOwl, yeah, she is an amazing writer that really doesn't get the kind of exposure that her work deserves. I have always appreciated her crisp and smart writing style, and her stories are certainly not to be missed. So if you want to give her some credit on your story, that sounds great, she certainly deserves it.

Best,

Banningk1979 (talk) 21:49, June 13, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Implications" message
I would like to wrap up the story but I'm stuck on how the character should react to the figure looking more like the samurai. I want a terrified reaction but how should I describe the terror? Does she freeze in place and whimper? Does she run to look for Erika and scream? Or does she have a full on panic attack?

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 05:01, June 17, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 05:01, June 17, 2015 (UTC)

This is NOT a contest
I started a story about Mr Dupin in a blog called This is NOT a contest part 2, I'd love to see where you can take the story! HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 15:53, June 17, 2015 (UTC)

Talk Page Messages
Thanks for your comment on my story, I appreciate the feedback. Please try not to make a habit of fixing other people's messages on talk pages. It's in the rules: talk page etiquette. (even though it was a minor fix, it's not necessary, sort of like opening a can of worms.)

kk* SoPre tentious *ttyl  07:37, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

Thank you!
Hey! Thanks so much for doing that, my talk page should be a lot more managable now!

P.S. Sorry for taking so long to say thanks. I've been rather preoccupied lately, but I'll be getting back into the wiki soon! :)

Natalo (talk) 12:54, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

My Cabbages! Also My Creepypasta!
Hey Doom! Did you get a chance to read the latest editions of my creepypasta? If not, here's a link to them: http://pastebin.com/GxKa8TRv

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 20:25, June 18, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 20:25, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Great Job Hailey" message
I hope I can think up an idea for how Erika will react to the protagonist looking for her. I also want to focus on the other part of the actual episode but I'm getting really stuck easily as of late. Oh well, I'm sure something will come to me.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 22:55, June 18, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 22:55, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "Ideas" message
Hmm... Well maybe when Erika comes up from the basement and comforts the protagonist, The main character opens her eyes and sees the shadow figure hugging her to which she tries to escape its grasp and run back to her room. We then see Erika chase after the protagonist to ensure that she isn't the shadow figure. It was a bit hard to describe and if you get confused as to what I'm trying to potray, I don't blame you. In Layman's terms, the shadow figure screws with the protagonist. When the protagonist gets into her room, she locks the door and starts watching the episode.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 00:12, June 19, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 00:12, June 19, 2015 (UTC)

Reply to "That Might Work" message
Hmm.... That seems like a good idea. Now I'll just have to figure out a way to word it. I'll send you the part when it's done.

Hailey Sawyer (talk) 02:05, June 19, 2015 (UTC)Hailey SawyerHailey Sawyer (talk) 02:05, June 19, 2015 (UTC)