Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26373253-20150625202138/@comment-26054278-20150628214042

I apologize for not getting to this sooner.

This was an interesting story, all in all. I like the concept quite a bit, and it certainly is an idea that could make a great story.

My main problem with the story isn't so much the way it is or some sort of problem, but more so the lack of anything truly great. I know that sounds odd, but I will explain in a bit.

The story is written well. I have my own personal nitpicks and awkward-ish sentences that I could point out, but those are mainly a matter of my own personal preference on how to word things, so I won't delve into those.

The majority of the story kept me interested, and I never felt like I was completely bored. I'm sure a couple sentences or so that just restated what was already said earlier could be shortened, but otherwise, the length is justified.

I didn't really care much about the "person" exemplified in the story, but since that is not what the story is focused on, I suppose I don't have to.

The main focus appears to be that twist, and, as others seem to have said, Ending 2 is probably the best one. Ending 1 is the most vague (but you knew that already). My problem with Ending 3 is that it feels very familiar and not too original, even when the concept in the story is actually quite new.

Ending 2 gets across the twist fine, makes the most sense, and is written the best. It definitely needs to be at least a little bit less vague, but as it is, it isn't a bad ending.

However, as I said in the beginning, the fault here is that nothing is particularly amazing. The twist here is nice, but that is really all it is. It doesn't scare me, and while it is intriguing to think about for a few seconds, it just doesn't leave much of an impression on me.

It just doesn't have much of a lasting impact, and it is a problem that I don't really know how to fix. Perhaps it is the fact that I don't care about the character and have no emotional attachment to him, or maybe the story needs stronger word choice. It is a difficult thing to approach.

One of the bigger reasons I do like Ending 2 is because it does have some more memorable word choice to go along with the twist, and that section goes that extra mile into making the story slightly more interesting to think about.

Hopefully this was of some help. If you wanted a grade out of 10, I can't really pin point exactly where. Somewhere around 7, perhaps.