Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20181127145453/@comment-35711173-20181128210139

RedNovaTyrant,

This phrase is awkward: "Then came a noise that I could only fear its meaning"

"I felt as though my preteen heart was about to burst from the stress, my eyes unable to escape from the grasp of those empty eye sockets."

Who calls their heart pre-teen? That sounds weird.

I suggest reading the whole story out loud to yourself several times to make sure you find every difficult phrase.