Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27601436-20160113033454/@comment-24101790-20160113033634

It was deleted because it was not up to quality standards.Starting with the basics that don't have a major bearing on the deletion, but are still important. The formatting joined a number of lines that were meant to be separated like: "Tape 1, 12:30 P.M. Detective Hues: Alright, I've started the recording, now please state your name and what you were doing at the time of the event.", "12:36 A.M. Detective Hues: The following tapes are classified tapes that have been released to the general public.", and "Detective Hues: Thank you Winston. You can take a break now. 'End of tape 1, 1:15 A.M." You need to have a space between them so they don't combine onto a single line.

Punctuation issues: Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "this things existence" An ellipse is typically composed of three (or four if concluding a sentence). Additionally you tend to rely too heavily on ellipses (10 times in a page-and-a-half story comes off as too melodramatic/too many dramatic pauses).

Wording issues: " I released these, before I was killed by it, or him." Should be in present tense as he hasn't been killed yet. (See story section for inherent issues.) Grammatical issues: it's=it is, its=possessive. " It’s condition is still perfect"

Story issues: The 'I don't have much time left' style of the story is awkward. Why is he playing these tapes in the first place instead of trying to escape. There's nothing to suggest that he is unable to escape so it seems odd for him to chronicle his final moments without even trying. The story also shifts from audio tapes to an evidence report without much flow. The evidence report also feels like it wasn't written by a professor and contradicts itself. "Every destruction test we’ve put it through it has only shown to make itself back into the perfect condition we have it in now. We can’t damage it and get a small piece off because of its sentimental value to the girl." (Performs multiple durability tests in one sentence and then mentions their desire not to damage it due to the girl's attachment to it).

Story issues cont.: The creature is mentioned off-hand and it feels odd. "Professor Rich going missing, and a creature that is out on the streets.' (Especially since Winston Smith doesn't give a physical description of the creature, in fact there's no description given for the creature despite multiple people seeing it and being interviewed by police.) In the end, the story feels very rushed, is lacking in description, and has a very generic premise.