Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-29015383-20160714143121

-gasp- another story! Well...work is rather slow and this one, much like Sleep, decided to pop in my head as I was going over some ideas for short stories. This one is not a micropasta though I intended it to be one. If possible I would still like to shorten it to fit under the 300 words, so if you have any feedback on smoothing things out do please share!

Apologies if there are some spelling errors in there. I had to write it in Notepad.

---

You've seen the news these days right? Unless you've been living under a rock that is. In this case I'm specifically talking about the wanton racism and power-abuse that is growing more and more common amongst cops. That's right, America's finest makes the headlines more often than not by breaking the law instead of protecting it. Those that are supposed to protect all of us regardless of religion or skincolor are betraying and killing us left and right! And that's not even the worst of it. You see, they've even begun to arrest people for being around blacks.

That's right, I just wrote that. You may think that I'm just pulling this out of my ass, but I've seen it happen. In fact, just the other day they arrested my boyfriend just because he dates and loves me, a black woman! That is the reason I'm writing this. I want to create public attention with this blogpost and show people how absolutely twisted the system is these days. Most importantly, write this to get my boyfriend out of jail.

My boyfriend... My boyfriend Edward is the sweetest, kindest, and most loving person I have ever met. He is like an angel descended from the Heavens with his beautiful blonde hair, his deep blue eyes that twinkle so adorably whenever he looks at me, and his smooth, light skin that lays so gorgeously tight over his well-toned muscles. With his gentle voice he can calm the most hysterical and rabid beast, and his smile can make a crying baby laugh with joy. Eddy saved me from the pits of despair years ago when I thought that nothing could make me smile anymore. He pulled me out of the darkness and gave me a reason to live: him. He was and still is my beacon of hope and radient shield of protection all at once. He returned me my smile!

When my parents began to gave me trouble about my relationship, he gave me a place to stay so I didn't need to hear their vile words of disapproval anymore. When the girls at class made snide remarks and bullied me, he protected me from their stabbing gazes. When I cried and cried and cried for all the things I couldn't do, he wrapped his arms around me and simply held me close until my turmoil calmed down and I could think rationally once more.

He was stern with me yes, but that is understandable. He is flawless, where I am not. I did things wrong. Frequently even, and it amazes me that he hasn't simply abandoned me. Yet without fault, he was always there to guide me back on track. Sometimes his lessons were tougher than normal when I failed him, like two days ago when I accidentally made a fool of myself in front of Eddy and his friends and thus embarassed him. Even if they hurt, the bruises will fade. They always do. It is the lesson that is important, and that will remain. I carry each fading bruise and scar fondly in my heart as a reminder that they are all steps toward perfection so that I may stand besides him properly. Edward would've let me come outside with him then. He would've let me leave the house to enjoy the park again.

I know I am not worthy of his affections, but he chose me! My perfect, infallible Edward chose ME because he loves me and wants me by his side. So please, I'm begging you. Bring him back to me. I miss him. I don't know what to do without him. I have to hear his laughter and see his smile. I need to hear his voice. I cannot live without hearing his gently whispered 'I love you' as he brushes his fingers through my hair. Please. Return him.

So now that you've read it, there's one specific area that I'm stuck on. The whole paragraph starting with "When my parents began to gave me trouble about my relationship," feels off to me, but I can't think of a more elegant solution to give these points. I feel they are important as it shows the things that the writer thinks that her boyfriend has done for her when in reality what he did was take her away from her parents and then school, as well as comfort her when she cried after he beat her or when she became homesick. Any advice is welcome as always! 