Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-28058290-20160528075843/@comment-28266772-20160531133300

Okay, so I'm not an admin but I would imagine this story could have been deleted for one of three reasons. It may or may not break the above rule. Again, I'm not an admin so I can't say for sure. The second reason might be that there are a lot of gamepastas out there, and this story doesn't contribute anything new. As stated in the quality standards... The final reason  might be that there is that there are a lot of spelling errors in this story. It's not a colossal amount, but you should proof read every story at least twice before posting. And if at all possible get a friend to proof read it as well because they'll likely pick out errors you will have missed. So I would go back and re-read this story and correct as many spelling errors as possible. Microsoft word has a built in spell check, and you can also use spellcheck.net to check over your work.
 * 1) No "haunted game" style video game pastas. We're still holding off on banning gamepastas entirely, but hopefully this will improve things. Come on people, a game doesn't have to be haunted or possessed to be scary.
 * Your story should have a consistent plot. It also should have a decent, original plotline. Please note that if your story shares a similar premise to another story or uses a number of Cliches or tropes, it will likely be deleted for not being up to our standards. This is extremely important. Your story could have impeccable grammar and meet every other rule, but if the story is riddled with plot holes and/or is very generic, we will have to delete it.

So I think one of those reasons will be why this was deleted. I have only been reading creepypastas for a short while now, so I'm not overly familiar with what is, or isn't, cliched. I couldn't tell you if this story is unoriginal, because I'm simply not confident enough to say what is, or isn't, overused in this genre.

Nonetheless I can make a few recommendations based simply on what I've read. First, I wouldn't base this around a game. I think it's completely unnecessary. The game is not central to the plot in anyway. I would simply structure it around a young man who is contacted after his sister's death by a strange individual using a chat program.

Second, I wouldn't have some unexplained force compel him to stay on the computer. It's a bit gimmicky, and it's not an earned plot point. It feels like what it is - an excuse to keep the plot moving forward at a point in time where most people would just walk away. You need to find a real reason to keep him on the keyboard.

Third, I would clean the description up at the end. Yeah the over-the-top description can be great in some stories, but I don't think it's useful here. BUT... and it's a big but, I would not lose the part where you mention the sister's eyes having a soul. That's a great detail, and definitely one of the most effective parts of your story. I would just lose the whole "blood pouring out of every hole" business.

Fourth, I would remove the section where he turns the computer off, gets his parents, comes back and suddenly it's his wallpaper. It's an unnecessary supernatural element that's not very impactful, and a bit gimmicky, and I don't think him getting his parents contributes to the story flow at all. It would be enough for him to just get this freaky picture, and then for him to describe what he's seen and why it has horrifying implications.

Overall though I liked the story. Thought it was written well, and I think with a little bit of work it could be up on the site. Good luck with your future submissions.