Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25313274-20140817005212/@comment-25226524-20140817014013

Although this slightly falls under the cliche category (what doesn't these days?), I actually think this is pretty decent. You managed to hold my interest the whole time, which is no easy feat. The writing is....not too bad.

I think it could stand a little more description to help with the scare factor. You definitely need to break up that big paragraph in the middle. That's considered a 'wall of text', and it's not very easy on the eyes. I would recommend no more than five or six sentences per paragraph, unless it can't be avoided.

I think you may want to reconsider having the dog step on the remote. This falls under the absurd for me, and I think it could be easily dropped. I would just make the narrator type in the channel himself, out of curiosity.

The flow is pretty good, the concept (although not completely original) has enough unique elements to make it work, and the ending actually works well for me.

There are a few minor mistakes here and there, but if you proofread it a couple more times, I think you should catch them. And don't forget to break up that paragraph. I would also recommend reading this out loud at least once, this will help you notice some of the wording issues that don't sound quite right in my opinion.

All in all, I think this is a pretty good effort. Keep writing.