Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27697299-20160130012702/@comment-3999760-20160203052551

After reading your story, I noted some aspects of the story that could be improved on. The first thing I saw is how the protagonist describes the beings (presumably Death), and why she is writing this warning. Especially when she first encountered "Death," I feel should be described more of what she saw from that event, and what made it terrifying. Some imagery could help the reader visualize the beings.

Also there are continuity errors I've spotted like where did she write this record if she was running away. Did she write it in a notebook, blog post, or some text file on her phone? If it was a warning, to whom was this addressed to? The news excerpt doesn't seem fully authentic of what you will see from a local newspaper article.

Some last notes that could improve the story is to visualize being in the protagonist's shoes. What would frantic teenage girl write if she was chased down beings that resemble Death?