Talk:The Clash of Demons/@comment-24720136-20140902115231

I think you need to show instead of tell. I would say that it was just too matter-of-fact, that is monotone and cliche. Your primary goal is to evoke emotion in the reader. I recommend rewriting this as if you were a reader. Do you think that, as a reader, this is interesting?

Another thing that I would recommend doing is reading more books which are popular, aswell as most of cymbal's works. Learn from them and synthesise a style of your own.