Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-30861466-20180505175756/@comment-9041013-20180509103855

"Hahahahaha!

At this day and age, people still think immortality is a good thing! Hahahahaha, bloody briliant! Fools! Eternity is endless, and endless is painful, it's maddening. So do you know how I fair with my eternity on this earth? I sleep, I sleep a lot! I've spent the majority of the past two millenia sleeping! You can do anything imaginable in about a couple of measly centuries, and the rest turns into boredom, which in turn leads to suffering. So much suffering.

Eons ago, I too, was scared of death, I was so afraid of dying that I've started looking for a way to stay alive forever, and I found a way.

First, it was amazing, knowing that I was going to stay alive forever, knowing that the skies were not the limit. Soon enough, however, it had become apparent that immortality is hell and when in hell, you commit unspeakable crimes.

I've waged war, I've killed, I've stolen, I've raped, I've destroyed entire worlds, I've become death personified under Perun's bright sky. The folk from the north thought I was some deity, a Warchief that is incapable of getting harmed! Silly, silly north men, I've been a worshipper on my own right all along! You see, I've been worshipped, and thus became a king, a law giver, but given the fact that time has no effect on me - it all had gotten stale.

I did concider ending my own life, but I suppose, I couldn't just end the entire world just to end my own suffering, that'd be such a waste, Yes... to kill me, one would have to kill this world... and  so, I came up with a better solution; to sleep for as long as one could imagine. You know, sometimes I think I am just a coward, though, still hoping to avoid the unavoidable. Seems like my plan had  worked after all... This world isn't so dull.

You humans manage to amuse me from time to time, and this, this era in which you could end the world with a motion of a single finger.

Hahahahaha!

Yes, this world is now truly exciting!" ~ Athanasius the Immortal.

See what I did there ^ I completely pulled that out of my ass now, kind of based on a Russian folk figure, but still, I took your idea of an immortal figure and made it seem like an actual person.

Victor doesn't make sense at all, let's say he is immortal, that is bound to drive him bored so much so that his sanity will eventually slip away, or at least he'll grow thoughtless enough to be a sadist without sadistic tendencies (which are a psychiatric condition, sadists get off on hurting others.) Why would he go and mess up his own son's life when he could go to mainland europe and kill oh so many nazis? "He doesn't care"? I call bull. Why bother hurting his son? to aliviate the boredom? Go kill nazis... far more amusing.

This is reasoning for the sake of making the plot work, which usually means the plot is just bad.

Now here's the thing, we all know that living forever is a curse, and as much as people would like to think an afterlife is so great, given the fact that you manage to maintain an awareness in said afterlife, you are bound to eternal suffering. People just don't think about this stuff.

Here I'm gonna use some examples of how to deal with Immortality from Hellsing (the manga). You've Alucard to gave up his mortality to keep on fighting the Ottomans and to save his country, only to eventually be driven borderline mad with his inability to die. He eventually came to view immortality as a stupid thing to look for, as only monsters can be immortal and being a monster isn't worth it. He considers true immortality impossible and holds the position that only a true human can end a monster's life, and that the majority of existing humanlike beings (be it humans or monsters) do not deserve immortality. Here's the thing though, in the five hundred years plus he's been alive, he has learned how to live with his innability to die. He would ocassionally get himself incapacitated knowing that he would need about a single drop of blood to come back to his full might. At the end of the series he gains the ability of relative omnipresence, allowing him to exist everywhere and nowhere at the same time, thus allowing him to stop being alive if he chooses to for as long as he chooses to. Psychologically speaking, Alucard, being the real life Dracula, was messed up from the get go but as he lived for so damn long, he came to the ability to stare days on end at a wall and not get bothered by the lack of stimulation.

Then you also have The Captain, a werewolf who is said to be around 150 years old, and he just WANTS TO DIE. He seemingly only joined the nazis to be able to die. Which he eventually does. He's devoid of emotion, care and free thought. Simply obeying his orders and being a killing machine. He never really speaks but it's not explained whether he cannot or simply chooses not to. He does let out a joyful howl as he dies, while smiling.

So, you've two major ways to deal with immortality, either constantly seek how to die, or to set yourself some goal at the end of which, again you die, eventually.

Victor is just unrealistic and he's like a schizophrenic super man without the super powers that has no idea what he wants from himself.

Junior, well him and Fabiana make about as much sense as a couple imagined by a five year old, they're too mature for their age at first, then their immature because while being a couple, they act nothing like one, zero actual affection displayed. Doesn't have to be obvious or physical, but come on, it's like a couple of prepubescent friends. Suddenly they get married and have a kid, and everything goes to shit... BOOM!

Your pacing is weird, because for the first half nothing happens, and then everything somehow happens so quickly. Victor being as old as the United States of America, retains the mental capability of a three month year old. Why does he keep chasing his foster son? Why not go and fight in Vietman, Africa, or something? Oh wait, he doesn't care... why bother having fun for days if you can be lazy and entertain yourself with 4 minutes of pleasure to only then go frustrated for a couple of weeks.

Grammar is still weird, wording is still weird, "a couple of weeks" means "two weeks".

This needs so much work...