Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26367717-20150504124654/@comment-26027963-20150504125711

Here you go:

1. Clichéd - Staring beings are over used when it comes to pastas, unless they are able to make it work.

2. Memories - The memories part in fact took away from the story, not add to it.

3. Twist? - Wheres the twist in this?

I recommend making the staring being his mom, and if you keep the memories, then make them longer.