Talk:Project WILD/@comment-26054278-20151231191251

I was genuinely surprised by this story, for although it makes a lot of technical errors, it definitely pulled through regardless. It says a lot about the quality of the story itself.

The concept here isn't that original. I mean, a lot of other stories deal with this sort of concept (whether they did it better or worse is a matter of perspective). Tulpa did it, the more obscure Personal Demons did it, many sci-fi shows and novels have done it, hell, I've put my own spin on it. However, there's enough here to make it feel unique. The whole part with the repeated usage of the word "Disconnect" stands out to me, as I haven't quite seen that in any stories dealing with these ideas. Although I did detract a little bit because I didn't find all of it wholly new or original, I will say that there are plenty of new concepts here to find a read-through fascinating.

I wasn't too sure how to feel about our main character. He seems like a good enough person, but I couldn't connect with him enough to really care. I was more so riding on my general interest in the concepts going on rather than being completely invested in what was going to happen to this person. I think the author did this purposefully, but I still would have liked a little more character to him or maybe just one or two more identifiable traits.

The ending is very clever, and the way it ties into the author's other story, The Fear of Knowing, was a nice touch. I find the story does stand by itself well enough though, which is a good quality, as this doesn't seem like it was meant to be a sequel or anything of the sort.

I also congratulate the author for making an actual disturbing ending, as many Creepypastas on this site forget that they are meant to be creepy. Therefore, having this one deliver (although not being completely terrifying) is a lovely aspect in it.

I think the only barrier that prevents this story from being in my list of favorites (I could persuade myself to have it sit at a 9 if this part of the story fixed) is the technical writing. It feels like it wasn't proofread, as there a lot of obvious mistakes throughout it. There's usages of "were" when it should be "where" (I could do anything, in a world were problems vanished and the inner self could be examined.), tense swaps (Or perhaps it was the deep lust for a woman that you only encounter ever so often, and suddenly dreamed of being happy together.), and the occasional times that the author forgot to put a space after a period (The night had surrounded me.And my eyes shut.). There are other grammatical mistakes that, if the author does another grammar check through the story online or reads through it himself, could be cleared up easily.

However, as this story stands, it is of very high quality. Clear up the grammar and I think you have something very special. As it is, it still gets an excellent grade of a low 8.5/10. You've done very good work.

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