Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25616392-20141103012334/@comment-25418458-20141103033916

The ending could use a little bit of work. If he is writing to us he should have survived, It doesn't make any sense he could write to us and he's dead. The colder than other nights doesn't add tension or bewilderment because it makes logical sense. As the weather is known to get colder The later it is in November. " ….I passed out?" doesn't need a question mark. He did pass out. As for presenting that there was a problem you didn't really present something to be wrong all that well. You need to add proper build up and Really show an issue. Like: "I feel cold even in the summertime. Something within my own heart or maybe Its physical coldness I felt. Ever since my father passed away". Don't use that though. Also. maybe you could build the atmosphere around us to make us feel the characters unease. You should practice these skills and maybe make the story longer and not rush to the conclusion.