Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25039469-20140624195527/@comment-25558572-20140624230051

You want my rating? 0/10.

1. The errors are so frequent that they impede my reading of it. You have the wrong words capitalized, mispelled words, improper punctuation and spacing. Paste what you've written here into Microsoft Word or at any online spell-checking document and you'll see what I mean. If any pasta has anywhere near this many errors, chances are it will deleted within minutes of being posted here.

2. This story blatantly follows the 'Jeff Formula'- Kid gets bullied, goes quote-on-quote 'insane' over it, random insertion of Slenderman (which counts as a spinoff and would get your story deleted immediately) and ends up with the bully getting killed by the kid. I have read literally nothing original in the entire story, nothing that hasn't been done before. It is literally just a knockoff of Jeff the Killer with your own generic character playing as Jeff. Another reason for it to be deleted immediately.

3. Your language is extremely bland and boring. This story relies on telling us the events rather than showing them- you take no time to spend more than a sentence describing another event. This is especially bad because the story has some fairly intense events, like murder. I take a lot more than one sentence to describe someone comitting murder, but at the same time, that doesn't mean decsribe every little thing your characters do. Chop off any sentences or phrases that don't advance or enhance the story.

I would advise deleting this story. Throw it aside. It's a weak attempt at replicating an already-terrible pata and would be deleted no matter how much better your grammar and even description was. Come up with something new and then get back to us.