Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24946232-20140515225214/@comment-24927388-20140516004012

Ok. Maybe in the beginning give a brief explanation of the lore, I wouldnt call him by his name or really tell the reader what he does to his victims. I would leave that to make up a good portion of the story itself. But begin with something like "In ____ South Africa you often hear of strange occurances. There have been many tales as to what is responsible for these instances. Recently in a village not far from my own (perspective can be third or first person) there have been an increasing number of young females who have gone missing (or what ever other unfortunate event might have happened to them). People of the village speak of a mysterious being, who manipulates his victims to do his bidding" and so on and so forth. You can start it however you want, but I would leave the specifics to the imagination of the reader at first. Only going into explanation to progress the story. In my opinion if you give the reader all the info on pinky pinky from the beginning youre taking away the fear by giving the reader a sense of what to expect. But if the reader learns about pinky pinky along with the stories protagonist/narrator it is easier for the reader to see themselves in the perspective of said character. This making it more likely the reader will feel the emotion or desperation youre trying to portray. I really do think this has a lot of potential, and the fact that it is folklore from your country will make it more believable. One thing I didnt touch on was the dialogue between the two. I think it was great with the creature using childrens nursery rhyme references, it really made me believe it was an evil being that preyed on children. I cant wait to see an extended version of this.