Talk:When the Leaves Fall

A pretty cool version of the old soul-item trope that's present in a lot of regional myths. I loved the slow, unhurried buildup to the discovery of the writing on the tree, which is why it's a big disappointment that the second half feels so incredibly rushed! Going into the third paragraph from the end, your short, clipped sentences start to bleed together and feel indistinct - so a lot of story happens all in a blur.

Try spacing them out a bit, placing really important sentences on their own line (it's kind of a cheap trick, but it works in a pinch) and letting the narrator fully think about what he's seeing and feeling about the messages carved into the tree. Otherwise the climax and conclusion just go by in a snap, and we don't have time to wonder about anything. Javer80 (talk) 23:07, September 17, 2012 (UTC)