User talk:Natalo

Welcome
Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the "Rats" page.

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Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything!

EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:03, January 6, 2015 (UTC)

Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied.

'''DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules.'''

Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make.

Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards.

For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback.

 U n d e r s c o r r e  - Talk to me 07:47, January 13, 2015 (UTC)

Re:
Hey Natalo,

Just so you know, I'm not trying to be overly harsh about your deleted story, I'm just trying to help you out.

Sorry I couldn't respond to your message sooner, real life stuff got in the way. First: editing your stories. I've only edited your stories twice, once to rename "Demeyes" and once to mark "Breakfast" for review before I decided it wasn't up to our QS. I renamed Demeyes to a non-caps version because having an all caps title didn't make any sense with the story. Not once in the pasta do you ever say "DEMEYES", and all caps is distracting in titles, so I decided it needed to be renamed. If you can tell me why it should be DEMEYES not Demeyes, I will be happy to rename it for you.

The edit to mark Breakfast for review was because I was unsure of its quality, but I felt it to be low. I later looked over the pasta again and decided it should have been deleted.

With regards to deleting your story, I just didn't think it was up to our Quality Standards. To be honest, I can't see how it is at all scary. It's just a pair of events - you stayed at someone's house and they cut off your arm. While we are loose with the term "Creepy" here, a story does need to be at least slightly unsettling for it to be classified as Creepypasta. The idea of being a guest in someone's house, only for them to maim/kill you is not very original and has been done before in a scarier manner. I realise the point was to compress it into a very short amount of space, but I wouldn't consider it creepy. If you look at the most well known Micropastas (Mother's Call, Knock), you will see that they have an air of ambiguity. Your pasta was just a pair of events, it gave the reader nothing to think about afterwards.

If you feel Breakfast should be undeleted, please make a Deletion Appeal, as horror is subjective, and just because I found something to not be scary, doesn't mean it isn't.

Best regards,  U n d e r s c o r r e  - Talk to me 15:53, January 13, 2015 (UTC)

Additionally, blanking a story does not change the title. Request a rollback or admin to rename the story and they can change it to what you want. (As long as it's properly titled and non-offensive.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:19, January 14, 2015 (UTC)

EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:20, January 14, 2015 (UTC)

Story..
Your story wasn't deleted for that reason, it was actually deleted as it didn't meet quality standards.

The opening makes it seem like you accidentally cut off the opening and published without realizing it. "Just as I had entered the room(comma missing) I heard a noise from downstairs." (What had just happened before that opening?)

Punctuation issues: commas lacking where a pause is needed in the sentence flow. "A few minutes later I heard the footsteps coming up the stairs.", "Just as I had entered the room(comma missing) I heard...", "I don't care much for tight spaces, so as my breath (breathing) became more shallow and labored I became increasingly more nervous."

Capitalization issues: "what (What) if they hear me,", "calm (Calm) down! they (They) don't know you're in here yet(punctuation missing)" As those are complete sentences/thoughts, they should be capitalized.

Story issues: "At that moment, I wasn't entirely sure, I thought I might have known who it was." That line makes little sense as the protagonist is the one in their house. "It was the only thing I could think to do, my first reaction. I did this because everyone in the house was asleep. I crawled underneath the bed all the way into the middle, as to avoid being seen. And then I waited." (Why did they crawl under the bed to avoid being seen if everyone was asleep already? Finally the ending needs more work. You need to build on it. What are the protagonist's intentions? Why is he in their house and/or who or what is he? As it stands, protagonist hides under bed and a boy mentions that he thinks someone is in the house. A little more of a sinister intent would go a long way in this story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:15, January 14, 2015 (UTC)


 * We have the writer's workshop for this very purpose. A place where you can submit for feedback and criticism to improve your story so it can meet quality standards for the wiki. (As people are want to point out, we have some stories that are low quality that we have been removing so we have also tightened up our standards to improve the overall quality.)


 * As for claims of bias in matters of quality control, let me put it like this. I have read a lot of stories here (Written a lot too, had a few nominated potm, and was even interviewed in the writer's lounge as one of the site's more prolific authors.), it is fairly easy to pick out Cliches, re-hashed plots, and stories that are under-developed/have key plot issues after having read and written quite a number of stories on this site.


 * Two separate admins deleted two of your stories. Claims of bias would seem a bit unfounded in this instance. [Here http://pastebin.com/ttBQtghb] is a copy of your story in case you didn't have a hard copy, which you should always have) Once re-working it, you need to make a deletion appeal. Not doing so may result in the story being deleted once again and you being banned for a day. EmpyrealInvective (talk)

RE:
Alright, let's see...the story is very well written and I'd say it meets the standards on that matter, but the story plot is a different matter.

I suppose the main twist is that the guy under the bed has bad intentions and shouldn't be in the house, right?

In that case, I'm afraid the twist is revealed in the very first paragraph. Sneaking into the house through the window practically gives away the fact that he shouldn't be there.

Maybe starting from inside the house, or at least somehow entering through the main door as if it were the most natural thing to do, could help to conceal the twist better?

Avoid anything that indicates he shouldn't be there, if that's the twist. Luckily there isn't much to fix on that regard, just a few parts on the first few paragraphs.

Once that is corrected, I'd say you'd be welcome to upload it. --&#34;You know why he&#39;s here? Why he&#39;s investigating the broken rules? He&#39;s not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it&#34; (talk) 14:37, January 15, 2015 (UTC)

Thank You Note
Hey, Natalo, it’s Tyber. I got your comment on Protector and I’ve replied. I also happened to notice that Little Talks is listed as one of your favorite pastas. It means a lot to me that you’d list it there. I just wanted to drop by and express my gratitude. Thanks, and have a great weekend : )

Tyberzannisultra (talk) 00:09, January 17, 2015 (UTC)

Thank You!
Thank you for your kind comments on my CP stories. They make my day. :] ColorlessAngelz (talk) 18:53, January 24, 2015 (UTC)

RE:Please explain!
It's really ultimately what you see of it. The story itself is loosely based off an old TV that was driving me and my family crazy in the past. I like to see that the monster was the TV itself because of the trollish nature on how the TV operated. In the end, when monster stood there waving, it's just a goodbye telling the final time the monster will see protagonist, essentially pulling the plug to its fun. -- Sloshedtrain   Talk   Contribs   █  15:21, February 3, 2015 (UTC)

Invitation
Hey, Natalo, it’s Tyber! I just finished working on a narration of a Creepypasta, and I’ve posted it in a blog. I was wondering if you’d like to come down and check it out, maybe leave a comment. I would really appreciate it! Here’s the linkto the blog page.



Tyberzannisultra (talk) 00:10, February 4, 2015 (UTC)

New Pasta
Remember that pasta I uploaded on the Writer's Workshop? Well, almost two weeks later, I've uploaded it. You told me to message you when I did, so, here it is :D.

TheGamingSponge 05:19, February 4, 2015 (UTC)

Second installment
I posted the second installment on the Writer's Workshop :). I hope you enjoy it (it's a lot more mysterious than the previous one).

TheGamingSponge 06:06, February 5, 2015 (UTC)

Deletion
Your story "Has Anyone Seen My Son?" has been deleted due to the striking resemblance it bears to this story, posted on Reddit 10 months before your story was posted here. Take this as your first and only warning - we do not take kindly to ripping off other people's stories here. If this is found to have happened again, you will be issued a lengthy block from editing. « Under Scorre   »  22:42, February 9, 2015 (UTC)
 * I've taken a look through your contribs, and it looks like it was unintentional. Obviously it can't be reposted, but I don't believe you were deliberately copying it, so no further action will be taken. Regards, «  Under Scorre   »  08:43, February 10, 2015 (UTC)

Re
Yeah, sorry about that. It's a mixture of laziness and being busy. In all honesty, I haven't even started. Not quite sure when I'll publish it.

TheGamingSponge 03:55, February 15, 2015 (UTC)

Finals
Noticed you left a message for Blacknumber1 concerning the finals. The finals will be starting on the 20th, not today. There's more information here.

08:29, February 16, 2015 (UTC)

You're the best around...
Hey, Natalo. I saw that your story got deleted for “resemblance” to that other story. I’m really sorry about that. Well, I enjoyed it while it was up, and I’ll always remember it! Here, I was listening to this songbecause I beat an intense cold, so I’ll share it with you! Have a good one!

Tyberzannisultra (talk) 23:43, February 16, 2015 (UTC)

It’s highly unlikely that either of you copied each other. The idea of an insane mother has been around for a very long time, and has seen many different interpretations. Yeeep, I’m better, so now I can get back to work xD



Thanks for all of the support on that story; you’ve been very kind and helpful. Have a good one to you, too.

Tyberzannisultra (talk) 23:31, February 18, 2015 (UTC)

Getting rid of the idea
Hi Natalo,

I've been thinking and thinking, and I've decided I'm not going to continue on with the storyline. I couldn't get it to become creepy, and I wasn't really liking the whole thing. I'll keep the first two parts up, but I'm not going to make a third one. Instead of making it, I'll just tell you now. There was this alien guy, and he was Project #1. He became friends with Bradley Smith but was then taken and was made Project #1. He killed The Leader a day before Bradley arrived and pretended to be the leader, which is why the escaped together. They blow up the building, the end.

Yeah, doesn't sound very good. It's not. Now you know how it ends.

TheGamingSponge 06:32, February 18, 2015 (UTC)

MrDupin (talk) 21:58, February 19, 2015 (UTC)


 * As I am posting this a bit earlier, to make it fair I will give you two more hours. From this moment, you have exactly 26 hours to post your story. When you are done, leave a link of your story to my talk page. Thanks and good luck. MrDupin (talk) 21:58, February 19, 2015 (UTC)

Sure thats fine but you must work on it sometime tomorrow and hand it in Sunday Blacknumber1 (talk) 23:30, February 19, 2015 (UTC)

Edit
Yes, it was supposed to be frogs barking. I am very uncomfortable with people touching my work. As you may have noticed I am very meticulous about my writing. Thanks for telling me. Where was your story? I was looking forward to it. HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 15:44, February 22, 2015 (UTC)

Message Left on Blacknumber1's Talk
No one in your group has had their stories rated yet, Dupin is unable to get onto the wiki for a couple of days.

15:50, February 23, 2015 (UTC)

I read your story
Read your story and left some comments. As I said in the comments, I'm surprised to hear you don't find fairy tales creepy, I think they are scary as hell. There is always so much death and depravity, especially in the original Grimm Brothers stories. I am thinking about writing a fairy tale pasta, but mine will take place in the present time, but be based on old fairy tales (something I am so surprised no one did). A Rumplestilksin type tale about junkies who live under a bridge, and somehow end up giving their first born child to a troll for a some heroin. Wow, talking about it is making me itch to do it! Anyway, I was wondering, since you say I'm a genius and love my stories (thanks by the way) if you would read a story I wrote called The Abalone Thief and leave a comment. I worked harder on that story than any other pasta I've posted, most of the actual facts in the story are true, and I even took all the photographs (besides the sea snail diagram). It's nominated for Pasta of the month, but barely anyone has read it. Thanks so much-  HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 20:52, February 23, 2015 (UTC)

Poem
Your most recent poem has been deleted for not meeting quality standards, this blog is a fairly good reference for a lot of the challenges of writing poetry.

A few of the issues I found with it was that a number of rhymes in the ABAB format are tenuous. (light/high, omit/fits, hear/ears, mind/finds, pop/flops, etc) Additionally a majority of the lines do not include closing punctuation as is standard for poetry. (including free verse) The final stanza also highlights some of the issues I found with rhythm and flow (I have a tendency to read poems aloud while reviewing them to test how they flow.):

And though my untimely death has now consumed My very soul itself Ironically, the man who murdered me Was, in fact, myself

For future reference, you can use this template around the body of the poem to form stanzas. I can provide a copy for reference, but please do not reupload the poem without re-working it and making an appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:01, February 25, 2015 (UTC)

Quick Link
Hey, Natalo, it’s Tyber.



<p class="MsoNormal">I was just wondering if you could give me the link to the story that you entered into the >takes deep breath< 2015 Creepypasta Wiki Freestyle Challenge Finals. I’d like to give it a read. Thanks so much!

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Tyberzannisultra (talk) 23:15, February 25, 2015 (UTC)

A Story About Family
<p class="MsoNormal">Do I have any idea how to write a creepy story which revolves around the topic 'Family'?

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Natalo, Natalonatalonatalo, that is like literally the only thing that I write about! I’d be more than happy to help you!

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Of course, you’ll have to elaborate a bit. Any story in which relations are mentioned could fall under the subject of “Family”. If you want a horror story specifically about something scary in a family, you could go about that in several ways.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">* Have the protagonist stay at the house of a relative who’s secretly a murderer.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">* Let there be an ancient curse put on a family bloodline by another family, and the protagonist has to overcome that curse.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">* One of the protagonist’s ancestors was evil, and his/her spirit haunts the protagonist to this day (like Harry Osborne in Spider-Man)

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">* Have a family that seems normal to their neighbors, but is actually a family of sociopathic murderers.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">I hope that these ideas don’t sound too cliché. Hopefully they’ll help you out a little. If not, just let me know.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve read and commented on your first Trollpasta. Nice job! I’m going to go read Rora now. Expect a review shortly!

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Tyberzannisultra (talk) 00:12, February 28, 2015 (UTC)

Fairytale
Hi, Natalo. So, I finished that fairytale I told you about, but I am very hesitant to ask you to read it. You seem like such a sweet girl and this story is very dark and disturbing with some graphic sex in it. I won't be offended if you do not read it. But if you should dare choose to, here it is: Rumplestilskin  HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 22:37, March 5, 2015 (UTC)

Important Information
Hello, Natalo.

I have read your story entitled "They Really Were the Perfect Family". I have something very important to tell you concerning the story that I would really rather discuss in private. You can reach me through email at Iamtyberzann99@gmail.com or through Kik Messenger at Tyberzann3.

If you'd rather I tell you this on the public Wiki, please let me know in your reply and I will do so.

Tyberzannisultra (talk) 00:53, March 6, 2015 (UTC)

Please?
Hey Natalo! How's your day? Never mind. Let me ask you direct to the point, are you willing to review my newest pasta, The Library Door? If you do, then thanks!

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My newest story
Hi Natalo,

I hope I am not bothering you with this, but could you tell me what you think about my latest story, In the Woods? I would really appreciate it. MrDupin (talk) 11:15, March 9, 2015 (UTC)

New Micro
I just wrote a micro. 300 words. It's a silly little thing but I thought you might want to read it. The Fearless Vampire Killing Brothers   HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 19:16, March 10, 2015 (UTC)

I knew I could never go back
I have written you a story. It is in your blog. HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 16:39, March 12, 2015 (UTC)

Challenge
<span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">If blood were circulated through an undead creature of the night for hundreds or even thousands of years it is possible that it would lose all of its hemoglobin, the protein that carries oxygen in the blood and gives red blood cells their color. Why it would taste like candy is anybody's guess. So I guess I won the challenge. What's my prize? It had better be good. ;)  Glad you liked the story I wrote for you.  HumboldtLycanthrope (talk) 16:46, March 13, 2015 (UTC)

Challenge
Damn that ShadowSwimmer. He is my nemesis. If he takes this from me it's over for him!! Hahaha- I actually really like that guy and can't wait to see what he comes up with, have you taken a look at his novela The Soldier?