Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-31532017-20160918070231/@comment-28060931-20160918111810

Have you heard of the quote “Think before you speak”? I'm sure most of you have heard it at least once in your lifetime, your parents might have taught you that when you were just a child, or maybe one of your friends did, but regardless, whoever you heard it from is not important, but what's important is that do you know the true purpose of this quote ?'''[I understand the question mark, but what you siad, "But what's important is that you know the true purpose of this qoute", sounds like a statement not a question. You're telling us that it is important that we know the meaning of the qoute.]'''

I assumed most of you might say “yes” or “yeah”, if you do, then re-read that sentence again, you'll notice that I put'[put the word "purpose"'' sounds awkward. Try something along the lines of "You'll notice my use of the word 'purpose' ", my example is bad prose and is unnecerily long, but it gives you an example. Also you rely on commas like a baker relies on ovens. It gets redundent, try em-dashes, colons, semi-colons. It spices up the writing, I think.]''' the word “purpose”, what you're thinking right now is the meaning of the quote, not the purpose of the quote, but the meaning of the quote. Now, you might be thinking something like this “The purpose of this quote serves as reminder to us that we should think before we speak so that we would avoid speaking any hurtful words while we're having a conversation”, if you're thinking something like that, then you're half-right.

You heard me, you are half-right, because that purpose isn't the true intended purpose of the quote, but it is related to the intended purpose in some way[comma] depending on how you look at it. Now, for what I'm about to say, you might think that I'm crazy or a delusional person who has no idea what's he talking about, but trust me, I'm not. [This sentence sounds awkward.]

Now as crazy as it might sound, the intended purpose of this quote is to prevent deaths from occurring[Maybe I'm way too picky today, but occurring sounds off.], you heard me correctly, it's used to prevent deaths from occurring. "How?" Think about it this way, how many people have gotten arrested based on false accusations, and how many after being released from jail committed suicide?

That might not seem a lot, but think a bit more, how many of your schoolmates spread propaganda[Propaganda sounds way too political and important to be used to describe a bunch of bullshit rumors spread around by some immature idiots.] around each other? They're exchanging hateful and angry words towards each other, one says he's gonna kill the other, the other teen gets scared and calls to his brother for help. Guess what happens? One will be killed[obviously] obviously. You might think that the chances for such a scenario like this to even happen is almost impossible, but it did, a[such an] such unfortunate accident happened. But with a twist, the friend of the teen who said that he was gonna kill was the one who was murdered, he was just at the wrong[place], at the wrong time.

But let's go even further, do you remember those times when your younger siblings or a friend told you that there was a monster behind the closet or under the bed ? Sure, all of us remembered, and how they were so wrong[and how wrong they were], yet they were still insisting that there was a monster, although not all of them are willing to lie just to prove their right, some will and they'll go to the extend of simply faking evidence. Sure, they're just kids and they want somebody to believe them, but what if I change that a bit.

Do you have that one friend who believes everything on the internet? Well, if you're well known in your school, you might have one such friend, they might go to the extent of wasting their time to prove you wrong. Their willingness to prove you wrong, anybody's for that matter, until they have been proven wrong, not all will move on.[There is so much bad word choice and phrasing here that I skipped over much of it, because it would take too long.]

Those who didn't move on, their willingness will turn into an obsession, and they'll be desperate to prove you or anybody else wrong, despite them being fully-100% wrong. If you don't get what I'm trying to say till this point, that's understandable. '''[Understandable, yes. But for the reason you think.]'''

What if I say this, imagine god, nobody can truly prove his existence, but yet nobody can disprove it, although this is highly subjective, but it's much easier to explain it this way. There are people still worshiping god despite[him] not being proven to be real, right, and how many attempted to prove his existence? On the other hand, how many people had made attempts to disprove god's existence, to simply put[it], nothing can coexist without being proven or disprove.[The phrasing is very bad. You have to reas it twice or thrice to get the point.]'''

As a result, there are gonna be some people who are willing to do extreme things just to prove that god exists, there have been actual cases like what I've said[described] just now, that means this is no longer a theory, this is a fact at this point. However, at the same time this can be used as a theory for anything that hasn't been proven to be real, imagine this.

If every serial killer or person who used the dark web were proven'''[Proven that red rooms exist? Proven to watch red rooms?]''' that red rooms or murder rooms, which is an urban legend, didn't exist, what scenario will most likely to happen? Most likely, there would be some who would attempt to create such a thing, think about this, how many people wanted to create something that hasn't existed yet or was proven to not exist?

By saying, “It don't '''[Your writng is, for the most part, formal. Doesn't fits in much better.]''' exist”, especially about something that can be created by us, you're indirectly responsible for its creation, whether you care or not. Now imagine this, if every serial killer or person who used the dark web knows that red rooms or murder rooms has[have] been proven to exist, how many would truly attempt to create such a thing? Not much, after all who would want to recreate something that somebody else has already done?

Deaths could have been easily avoided if you all thought properly and carefully before you spoke anything, but sadly even with deaths or incidents occurring, not everybody will learn their lesson nowadays due to their arrogance, this is why this quote will lose its function for its intended purpose. But I hope that the people who are reading this, finally open eyes and change their ways for the better.

Anyways, now that you know that the consequences of speaking without thinking can be deadly, I got a final question for you, what about doing something without thinking then? If a few words can already be so dangerous, what about doing something that may seem harmless to you?

Okay. So firstly, the biggest problem: your style, grammer, phrasing, and writing. The story is full of bad word choice; one of the wonders of writing is that it is made up of words. Words are meaningless in day-to-day speech. They just convey a simple point. But writers have the ability to make words have impact. You need to carefully consider the words you use:

"The house was old and smelled bad, there were boards in the windows."

"The decrepit house stood like an idol on the hill. A horrible miasma threatened those who dared explore its horrible secrets. The windows were boarded up to keep vunrable eyes safe from its eldritch horrors."

See, words can have impact if used correctly. I would reccomond you read a lot. That's just the best way to improve.