Talk:The Experience I Had in Girl Scouts/@comment-5733573-20180727145248

This story has some issues. First, it contains a lot of unnecessary information. We really don't need to know why the characters chose which bed, or what their personal history is with Pokemon cards, etc. Secondly, it's very flat a lot of the time. It reads like a report and doesn't really draw the reader in. It would be much more effective to create a scene for the reader. Finally, there's a lot of build up for not very much payoff. For a story of this length, the ending really needs something bigger and scarier.

Don't get me wrong. It's not bad per se. Most of it's pretty comprehensive. It just really needs more time and effort put into it.