Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20190815170123/@comment-9041013-20190815194357

It's too grandiose for its own good the way it is now, and it's not clear enough.

You can make it like a collage with words, but you have to let us know what he is and what's up with him. If you're going for a temporary death due to stress have him be an executive who is indeed stressed rather than a cubicle worker who is depressed because of his routine.

You could have him slip and hit his head or choke on something rather than suffer a nearly symptomless heart attack.

Flash it out some more overall, Nova