Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25701413-20141117013826/@comment-25226524-20141117031228

This is very well written. I don't see it being deleted, mostly due to the prose, but it does need some work in my opinion. The buildup is great, but there is almost no payoff. I knew where it was going from the beginning, but your writing kept me reading. When I got to the end, I was disappointed.

Let us deeper into his mind and the struggle within. Show us the cognitive dissonance in more emotional depth. Put some rage into the warring factions of his mind. I would have him standing over her sleeping body, staring at her face while the war inside him rages. Tell us about his disgust for what's been done to this work of art, and then rebut this view with his more empathetic side. Let his vicious side tell us what it wants to do to her, while the other side reminds him that she is a person. Maybe he even considers restoring her face back to what it once was (in a grisly/disturbing way, of course). Then you can come to the conclusion that "A work of art must be allowed to die."

These are just some things that come to mind when I think of what I would've liked to have seen. The ending works, but I feel certain it will leave most readers feeling ambivalent at best. I would hate to see something so well written be made mediocre because it wasn't quite complete. As I said, this won't be deleted as it stands, but I do think you could make this much more. I enjoyed reading this, even if you don't make any changes, and I hope to see more from you in the future. Good luck.

P.S. Fourth line up from the bottom "right was has been done."--"was" needs to be "what"