Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-6822927-20190404175549/@comment-36627132-20190404181748

Plot Issues: First off, it is obvious the beginning part is just a nightmare. I'm not sure if we are supposed to know it is from the get-go, but I think it is safe to say that everyone will figure that out pretty quickly. The part where the main character hears whispering kind of reminds me of that one scene in Abandoned by Disney. "a Gothic woman, [...] she’s really trying to sell this whole emo thing." Goth and emo are too different things. Goths are cool, emos are lame. It is unlikely she will give free services to someone just because their father, who we are never told what is so bad about him until near the end, was rotten.

Plot Issues Continued: The main character awakes and goes crazy for a very stupid reason. The whole premise of a dream affecting reality comes off as if it were inspired by A Nightmare on Elm Street. The fact that the main character deforms himself and wakes up in a hospital is reminiscent of Jeff of the Killer. I would also like to add that he wouldn't get very far in harming himself without passing out. "The doctors keep me in intensive care, under suicide watch." you wouldn't have internet connection under suicide watch at a hospital. On top of that, unless you are showing signs of doing it again (or worse), they probably wouldn't keep you there very long. "They think I’m crazy." if he mutilates himself because he looks like his father then he is crazy.