Board Thread:General Wiki Discussion/@comment-2240864-20140612220044/@comment-25024572-20140612224546

ClericofMadness wrote: Hsshall wrote: ClericofMadness wrote: Hsshall wrote: Dorkpool wrote:

Hsshall wrote:

ClericofMadness wrote: 5. Does he need a brother? All that subplot does is drive the acid/bleach/whatever part of the story, and let's face it, does he need that bit? Does he need a brother limping along beside the main story? Yes. If he didn't, how does he get out of going to Juvy? Do something both inventive and sinister, so we can see that he's a plausible threat. Plus, it will help explain later how he gets into houses. If he can break out of prison, he can break into your house. Good point Does he even need that plot thread? Can he not instead find the children who are tormenting him, creep into their houses at night, and end them? Does every detail of the original, regardless of whether or not it worked, have to stay? Does Jeff have to be this supervillain character? Can he not be a troubled kid who gets picked on one time too many and snaps? Does getting burned impart some MYSTICAL SUPER POWERS AND PLOT HOLE FILLER ABILITIES that no one else has found before?

The problem with the original is that it does not set out to build a real, believable character but instead cobble together a reason for the image to be about a 2spooky4u monster. It's building a monster out of a child that gets burned and BAM is psychosupermonsterkillermagictime. Cleric, Jeff became a killer because he lost his sanity while his ass was being whooped in that fight with Randy.

If he didn't go insane, he wouldn't even be a killer. Does it have to be so bland? ONE FIGHT BAM I AM CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY.

There needs to be a friggin' setup! There needs to be buildup leading to that. No one snaps after getting into a fight and decided OH YEAH GONNA KILL EVERYONE THAT EVER IS WAS ARE AM ALIVE YEAAAAAAAAAH. It loses believability and makes the story less credible and more suck.

There actually was a set up... sort of. Jeff had "weird feelings" during the story that ended up being insanity or something. It's stupid, but it's still a bit of a buildup.