Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27755241-20160327023501/@comment-27755241-20160327155816

Once again with those errant commas - i thought, that i remove all of them, but they just keep popping up. Overall, i get that it's plagued with ton of grammatic errorrs and awkwardly worded, but is there any issues with a plot itself and is there ways to improve it? Also, does sequence, after channel goes off (depicting of Karen feelings to be precise) just as bad, as ewerything else?