Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24463401-20140720143431/@comment-25148755-20140720165913

To make it scarier, I'd take out everything you have with Mr. Grinn. Just focus on the circle appearing and everything that comes after it...lends more suspense if it's harmful or not (since you already know the world is ending you're sure it's harmful.) I'd expand the creature attack and how the scientists discover the circle leads to an alternate reality as well. You're covering a lot of different topics with too much and too little detail at the same time, depending what the focus of the story is. If the story is mostly supposed to be about mr Grinn I would cut down the explanation of the circle, no more than a couple paragraphs describing the whole thing. Anyway, hope this helps.