Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-3563804-20180730155919/@comment-10502460-20180812034657

A story doesn't have to intentionally be like Jeff the Killer in order to run afoul of the Jeff rule. Intentional or not, your story follows much of the Jeff formula.

Truthfully though, the similarities to Jeff the Killer are probably the least of the story's problems. The story is cliched and weak, there is no character development, and the grammar is still not remotely up to par. All told, there is no discernible difference between this version and the version you first asked us to review.