Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33979162-20190724181519/@comment-32802129-20190727040543

Sorry, but for me this needs alot of work to be ready to submit. The plot doesn't really make sense, and as stated above, seems to be a "and then they went crazy and killed everyone" kind of deal like Jeff the Killer (which if I'm honest I never saw the appeal in, ironic or otherwise).

A believable slide into insanity is a VERY DIFFICULT piece to write in my opinion (or it is for me, I don't feel confident enough to go there) as you need to convince the audience that given the circumstances, it is natural for someone to go insane. That part of it makes it scary or disturbing to read. I think you need to give alot of thought to how Cat goes insane and why, and make that process more organic and progressive.

Language wise, alot of work is needed. Sentence structure needs work, you need to use commas and punctuation more. Your sentences go on and on which makes this piece very hard to read.

I'm not trying to discourage you from writing (I'm far from a respected author on here so may have no idea what I'm talking about), but I think you need to refer to the Writing Advice pages on this website before submitting this.