Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25458443-20171119010412/@comment-25458443-20171120170208

MrDupin wrote: This is better, but I feel it needs a bit more work. In the second verse, 'through' and 'into' don't rhyme well, and from the third verse onward, you use the word 'body' thrice in the span of three lines. I feel the repetition does not work in favor of the poem. I changed the line with through and into. I thought it worked as a rhyme but upon closer inspection I realized the statement by itself didnt make any sense, so I had to change that. Changed the variety of "bodies" in the poem. Problem is, there aren't really that many two syllable words for "corpse" so I had to settle for "demon" and "carcass"