Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26475800-20150720015632/@comment-25052433-20150724054621

This looks a lot better than the first draft, with a lot less grammar errors and such. As I said before, the plot is great as it is, so once you get a clean bill of health on the grammar issues, this should be good to add to the main site.

I would suggest that you space out the lines in your dialogue. It looks like a big block of text, and makes separating the spoken lines a pain. Skip spaces between the lines so that it flows better. Other than that, this is a huge improvement.