User talk:Kolpik

Echoism

Pfft! That's it. That one sound sums up my entire life. For as long as I can remember, people have dismissed me with the imitation of a barely audible fart. My words, my actions, even my appearance have met an onomatopoeic backlash. Dismissed time and time again with that sound. I've even recited quotes (inspiring and insightful) from the annals of history and received responses like "Pfft, you were home schooled, weren't you?". I've repeated my brother's original jokes to people who didn't know him and gotten pfft in place of a boo. My brother's a very funny guy... who happens to hate it when I use his jokes. "Pfft, your delivery would be marked return to sender," shove it up your butt, Joshua!

But none of that matters now, because I'm finally going to show them all. That's right! Very soon, the hundreds, no, thousands of people that have dismissed me are going to say they knew me when. Hahaha, I'll be famous! My name will be on the shortlist of only a hundred or so people known throughout the country, the world even. My picture will be all over the news channels, all over the internet. I'll be immortal! Hell, my meathead brother will probably soon be crying crocodile tears to some reporter about what a wonderful person I was. "He was such a great guy (sob, sob). Give you (whimper, whimper) the shirt off his back. None of us saw this coming. No, not Nathan". Hahaha! Enjoy your fifteen minutes, Joshua. My picture will be in newspapers, magazines, hehehe, even books. Hahahahahahahaha...

Shut up already! Who are you even talking to? Wow, you've really cracked it. That's it!... Rip!... There you go, nice and quiet now. You know, duct tape was originally used for, you guessed it, duct work. And you know, your esophagus is a kind of duct, so... Hahaha, this stuff has got a million and one uses. Phew, you are not a light load to carry, and getting you all trussed up was not very pleasant with all your yammering. But, you're the first to not plead for your life. It's commendable, really, it is, but I got to tell you, I find it heart breaking. I was so looking forward to seeing which strategy you were going to try. Bargaining, pleading, threatening... Oh, the list of what people will say and do when they know they're going to die is endless. Bargaining is my favorite, but exultation... now, that's a new one. I've had hundreds of people, that's right, hundreds on this very table and I still get surprised sometimes. Oh, there you go. You look petrified now. Wow, you are a sharp one. Only took you a few seconds to realize that the world only knows about a hundred or so of my meat puppets. Yeah, now you're squirming! In a few minutes I'm going to rip off that duct tape and you're going to sing for me while I zip, zip, zip screws into all of your phalanges and that... Well, that's not where it's going to end. Stay still and listen to me! I'll make you a deal. Hahaha, now I'm bargaining. You make it 'til sunrise and I'll display you for the whole country to see. Expire before that and I'll bury you so deep archaeologists won't dig you up in a hundred years. Oh, is that a glimmer of hope in your crazy eyes? Hahaha, boy, it ain't even nine o'clock. --Kolpik (talk) 04:25, February 26, 2018 (UTC)Kolpik