Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25458443-20181105182854/@comment-33904527-20181112183216

I kind of see what you were trying to do with this, but then again, that doesn't make the final product any better than it is.

It's ok to have an abstract story without any of the standard traits of a regular pasta. But really, this is too ambiguous. I'm sure it does have a meaning, but the way it's structured with the repeated sentences makes it hard to find anything meaningful (plus, the repeated sentences get stale quite quickly) The premise is a little unsettling, but past that, it doesn't really have any creepiness to it, either.

You might've had a really good idea, but we'll never know because the pasta is too abstract and it doesn't really give me any motivation to find out what it means.