Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26296007-20150409211208/@comment-25230922-20150410055623

Start a new paragraph whenever someone speaks.

My big problems with this story is the fact that there's LITERALLY NO PLOT. So many interesting things can be expanded upon. What is this girl? Is there a story behind her?

Additionally, you ramble on about how this girl is so wrong, but the only characteristics given are her wolf eyes and self-harm trying to remove a bracelet. I also don't think you know how asylums work; patients who have the capability of injuring themselves are placed in straight-jackets. Anyone who works in an asylum is instructed how to care for all of the patients; they are not given an option to cop out just by looking at them.

Also, how does your character know that the girl managed to injure herself if aforementioned character left the building? You basically have your character leave, but speak as though he's still there. Most human beings cannot be in two places at once.

However, the biggest problem is that it desperately needs elaboration. This is not a story; this is a basic description of a character reacting to another character who they believe is creepy.

Additionally, it's a quasi wall-of-text. Start a new paragraph whenever a new topic is brought in or a person speaks.