Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35711173-20190725084302/@comment-9041013-20190725091137

Okay, looking through the length of the story I noticed the capitalized sentence. Please don't do that. Punctuation marks are awesome at accentuating things. You also have text formatting so you could use the boldened font.

My biggest issue with this is how it kind of loses the feeling of Heaven and Hell and turns into a potential torture mansion but not quite. I'm not sure if it was the aim to give this a sense of ambiguity but it kind of feels not supernatural enough, nor really snuff-themed enough. The question is, is she losing her mind as a result of continuous torture or is this really Afterlife? I got confused here. If that was the intention, you did great.

I got confused because you made her look exactly like a captured human with the food and all the physical aspects of everything and yet you mentioned her being in Heaven for centuries. It's kind of odd that no transformation has occurred over her centuries-long journey that would make her somewhat less than human, or more than human.

Having God be a cheesy villain is unlike you, if anything, I'd expect you to make God terrifyingly cold and almost robotic if you were to make him an antagonist. Not some foul-mouthed rape happy old man with heart problems. I do appreciate him being at least somehow anthropomorphized.

Heaven feels awful, which is good. Hell feels like of underdeveloped, considering all the whacky stuff the scriptures provide, for example; boiling stool from the Talmud.

Clear up the confusion, I'd say, more mental torment and less rapey stuff. Her killing a person should be a done in a way more suitable to the setting of the plot, maybe have her believe she's an angel and is dealing with the sinner only for her to kill that person violently and consume their brains.

It's as you've told me, it's got something, but it needs some shaping.