Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26027963-20150211201227/@comment-25148755-20150213041822

I like the twist at the end; did not expect the kid to be turned into an elf.

Past that, you've got major issues. Grammatically, this thing is a mess. Run on sentences, sentence fragments, punctuation, you name it. I hate fixing grammar in comments sections, so I'm not going to here, but trust me, the errors are there.

Thematically, the overall concept is good. But this escalates too quickly. You are falling into the classic trap of telling rather than showing (I know, I know, you're writing so everything is technically telling) Instead of saying "the elf creeps me out," give the incident that happened for WHY is creeps you out. Let the reader be creeped out with you. I'd back the story up and start it when your mom first brings the thing home (or however it got there.)  Just sitting here writing this review I've had some ideas for how I'd personally be reworking some of the issues, but I don't want to hijack your story. Bottom line, you'll need some pretty major revisions before this one will avoid deletion. Good luck!