Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26067056-20170624124747/@comment-24101790-20170624145843

As I deleted the story, here are the issues I found when reading it over. There are quite a lot of capitalization, punctuation, wording, formatting, redundancy, and plot issues here.

Capitalization: You have a tendency to improperly capitalize a lot of words that aren't proper nouns. "a(an) Urban (urban) Explorer (explorer), Yes (yes) I am one of those people who go and explore abandoned places.", "The floor was a old oak floor and the smell was like an old Air Conditioner (air conditioner).", "A deep voice says "No, You Must Finish The Task (No, you must finish the task.)""", etc. A proper noun in a specific location, person's name, brandname, etc.

Punctuation: A lot of your sentences are missing proper punctuation. "Me and John live close to each other(comma missing) like really close.", "When we got there(comma missing) I opened the computer and got to the home screen", "But one was named "Death102.avi"(period or comma missing) I was surprised by this name and decided to watch the video in it.", etc. A general tip is to try reading the story aloud. The places where you naturally pause tend to require punctuation of some sort.

Punctuation issues cont.: Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "Blood starts coming out of the man(')s head", "the camera points to the man(')s face", etc. Punctuation missing before dialogue introduction. "Then he takes a break and says(,/:) "Jesus, If someone is seeing this I'm probably dead by this point. Don't come looking for me, I am probably dead"", "A deep voice says(,/:) "No, You Must Finish The Task"", "The voice says(,/:) "No you haven't"", etc.

Wording: "I am a (an) Urban Explorer,", "A few days ago he called me to tell me about a (an) abandoned house that we can (could) explore", "John was already there but (by) the time I got to the house.", " He is going has (as) fast as he could.", "I'm (I) might put it back where it came from.", etc. I would suggest reading your story aloud to catch these issues.

Redundancy: You have a tendency to repeat a lot of words in rapid succession which tends to come off as repetitive. "and explore abandoned places. I have explored many places like houses, schools, office buildings, you name it. I have a camera with me to film these explorations and I post them to YouTube." (explore 3+), "We agreed to meet at this house at 9:30 PM. I grabbed my clothes and camera and set out to this house." (this house), "The video cuts to a dark hallway in which a figure is dragging something down the hallway." (hallway), etc.

Story issues: Dialogue should be spaces out so two speakers are never on the same paragraph. (""I've done eating it!" The voice says "No you haven't"") This is done to improve story flow and prevent misattribution (who's saying what). Feel free to look over some other stories or read some novels if you're confused about how this is done.

Story issues cont.: A lot of your descriptions need quite a bit more detail. Lines like: "The video starts out with a black screen. Footsteps are heard after about 10 seconds after the video starts." and "the camera points to the mans face and a ominous figure runs at him and the video ends." feel bland and don't really build-up the horror. As this is the climax of the story (where the terror should be reaching a crescendo), it feels a bit off.

Story issues cont.: The ending also feels a bit lackluster. "I don't know what I'm going to do with the computer. I'm might put it back where it came from." It feels like you're attempting to sequel-bait (where he puts it back), but since you don't really set-up a lot of backstory or reason for the protagonist to have to put it back; it doesn't really work. It also creates questions about why they wouldn't turn it in to police if they believe they witnessed a murder. There are other issues here, but this review is getting on the long side so I'm going to cut it off here. I would suggest if you plan on making an appeal, that you completely re-write this story as there are quite a lot of issues here.