Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24996913-20150626203910/@comment-24996913-20150626214056

EmpyrealInvective wrote: Minor issues first:

"It absolutely infuriates me to see human injustices and barbaric behavior based off of a team losing a game or a difference of appearance." This could use a bit of explanation (rioting, looting, etc.) as the two are fairly different premises.

"self proclaimed", "mind numbing" should be hyphenated as the words directly impact on each other. "driver(')s seat."

"About five miles into my descent" seems a bit odd as descent typically implies downward motion whereas it seems like the protagonist is driving. "Whatever this thing was, I knew it fast." (was fast?)

Story: I enjoyed it although I would have liked a bit more interaction with the creature. It was an interesting read and kept me engaged through-out the story. I am left wondering a bit about the ending. All in all, an entertaining read.

I knew there were some grammatical errors, and caught those after posting. Thanks for reading!