Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26326346-20150529193644/@comment-25052433-20150530173427

Well, like I told you on the talk page, I am far from a poetry expert. I honestly can't really say what makes a good poem or a bad poem, at least as far as content goes. I dabbled with it in high school and college, but I am pretty sure if I looked back and read my stuff from back then, I'd probably hate myself just a little.

As far as this goes, I see the ambition here and certainly advise you to keep refining in. What Grizz said above does hold true, it reads a bit clunky in some parts, because each line contains a different sort of pace, making it difficult to fall into that sing-song like patter that usually accompanies a well constructed poem.

As for the premise, I like it. It tells a rather simple story of a psychotic breaking into a home and killing and eating the people that live there, which works just fine around here. So, best advice would be to reduce the lines and match the tempos, and you should be fine.