User blog comment:Halofan11/My page deleted. FOR WHAT?/@comment-10950063-20140214033536/@comment-10950063-20140215135501

. . .Please, stop for one second and ask yourself:

WHY WOULD WE EDIT YOUR STORY SO THERE WAS NO PLOT?

Why would we do that? Wait, I just checked the history of your story:

There's a screenshot for you and anyone else who is interesting. As you can see: YOU were the only person who edited your page. Someone deleted it, but before we delete pages we don't go through and mess things up. Sorry, Adrock, this isn't sabotage.

But, wait, if we didn't remove the plot. . .then YOU MUST HAVE. INSIDE JOB! INSIDE JOB! SOMEONE CALLED ALEX JONES.

Now, let's address your other claims. You know that SomeOrdinaryGamers has its own wiki, right? Why are you posting things here in the hopes that Mutahar will read them?

Your story did have a ton of kills, but you understand that's not a sign of a good story, right? Especially when the kills happen to people who aren't characters, so much as random people introduced so they can die.

I don't think you know what build-up is. This is not build-up:

''I was just doing my work inside room 156B and some new worker came in to my area then asked me: "what is that" I replied with "it's a new chemical why?" I asked. He just shrugged then left. "WAIT!" I shouted. "who are you?""I am the new guy here John" he replied. So anyways this chemical was meant to stay inside of this facility. I heard one of the door to my room. I checked to see who it was but nothing was there. "um what was that?" I asked. I felt like something just touched my shoulder but nothing was there. So I walked back to my room to see John killed on my desk.''

This block starts during the third sentence of the story. John, a completely pointless character, is introduced and then is immediately found dead.

This is not build-up:

''I saw someone standing there. "hey!" I called out. "I need help and-" The person cut me off. "I've been waiting for you" he said. "where am I?" I asked. "You're inside of the basement why?" he asked me. Then before I could speak we both heard a chainsaw noise. "Shit we got to get out of here!" I shouted. "no." the man said. I yelled back: "what the hell do you mean no? someone with a chainsaw wants to kill us and you want to stay here!?" "no but I have a plan" he said in a creepy tone. He then pulled out two chains and hooks, put the hooks on the ceiling then he grabbed the two chains and hung himself. "fine I didn't need your damn help anyways" I said to myself.''

Build-up is when you establish a scenario, characters, atmosphere, tension, etc. This is silly nonsense. Every single part of it. I don't know if you realized this, but that's the first mention of a chainsaw in the story.

Let's be absolutely clear on this: there is no plot. Plot is not just things happening. It's things happening WITH A PURPOSE. This is some almost non-existent character doing things with no clear motivation. Plot is a story, some kind of arc. This is not that. This is: John dies, the lights go out, monster attack?, guy commits suicide, chainsaw, legs are cut, THE END!

Now, if there was a plot, I shouldn't be able to remove any of those things and have the story still make senses. With this, I could remove almost all of them, because none of them have consequence, none of them are required to understnd what comes next.

This story is almost entirely problems. It makes me feel like you've never read a book or a short story, but you've played a lot of video games. Instead of writing a story, you're trying to write a video game. That doesn't work.

I want to be completely honest here: the only way SOG would ever read this is as a shitpasta. You need to have a reason for characters to do things. More than that, you need to have characters. Not just random people. You need to describe things better than just saying "long ass hallway". You need to describe what characters are seeing and feeling emotionally. You need to create an atmosphere of danger. You need to read if you want to be a good writer.

Please, if you can explain to me WHY you think your story is good, I would love to hear it. I really would.

Oh, and stories I've written: In Between the Static Missing Teeth