Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27321463-20151130200004

Please give me reasons for ban so i may re-work it to your taste please.

Prologue:

This message was received on 9th October 2267.

Voice recognition: DR Alexander Stephens.

"To anyone who is receiving this, we need help. After testing the Bio-Weapon we have concluded the test to be a success, but someone has tampered with the containers in storage and the toxin has leaked out. We need help as soon as possible; I fear the toxin has an unintended side effect on humans."

Chapter 1:

3 months later

John was knocked out his daydream by a knock at his door.

"We arrive at the station in an hour sir" Mouse informed him.

John Stephen was aged 27, standing around the 6ft mark and weighed around 13 stone. He had near black hair and blue eyes. He had joined the Earth Space Defence Force (ESDF) when he was 19; he was now a sergeant in the ESDF.

Ralph 'Mouse' Sampson was aged 24 and stood at 5ft 6 and weighed dead on 9 stone. He had blond-ish hair and brown eyes. He was a corporal in the ESDF.

"Ok grab the team and meet me in the shuttle bay" John said. "Oh and get some food from the mess hall for us and bring that down as well."

"Yes Sir" Mouse replied and then he disappeared from the door way to complete his tasks.

John had trouble sleeping; his mind had been plagued with thoughts of his father who was the chief scientist aboard 627 at the time of the accident. John's father had been in charge of designing the bio-weapon, he was also the last person to be heard from.

John and his team had been tasked with retrieving information about the accident; john had personally requested his team be allowed to take on the mission.

They had been traveling for near a month to get to the station. The vessel that brought them there was called the ESC Frontier, she was an older ship due to be decommissioned at the time John had got the mission but because she was the only ship available so she was allowed this one last mission.

John took a shower and got dressed in his uniform and started heading down to the shuttle bay. He arrived at the doors to the shuttle bay and went inside to get ready for the mission.

Chapter 2:

The shuttle bay contained two shuttle pods. A catwalk leads to the control booth and an armoury. He found his team inside gearing up and finishing the food brought down by mouse. Dave handed john the bag containing his food, John wolfed down the portion of food.

David 'Dave' Scott he was 23, about 5ft 11 in height and weighed approximately 12 stone. He had brown hair and blue-ish grey eyes. He was also a corporal, like mouse.

"Right, finish up in here then head down to shuttle pod one." John said to the team.

Dave, Mouse and Maria finished and left the armoury. John put his gear on me record time and headed down after them.

Maria Greyson was the newest recruit to the team. She was drafted in after another member of John's team had left. Aged 21, Standing at 5ft 6 and weighing 71\/2 stone, she was the youngest member of the team, and the lowest rank, only a private.

"Right guys" John began. "Our mission is to retrieve any and all information aboard 627 and to determine if the station is worth salvaging."

"In ten minutes we will depart from the Frontier and head over. We will dock at docking port B, which will put us one deck above engineering where we will reactivate power on the station."

"After power has been restored we will head to the elevator banks at the other end of engineering. Once in the elevator corporal Scott and corporal Sampson will head to the crew quarters and the mess hall, retrieve anything you deem to be useful in the investigation. Private Greyson and I will head to the command centre to begin the transfer of the stations mainframe to the Frontier."

"Once we have completed these tasks we will head to the labs to retrieve the any other necessary information."

"After this is done and the download has finished we will return to the Frontier. Total estimated time of completion, one hour and fifteen minutes, any questions?"

"How do we plan to destroy the station?" Dave asked.

"We will overload the core, or fire a warhead from the Frontier" John answered. Dave nodded. "Right everyone take your seats let's get prepped and get this mission over and done with."

John would be piloting the shuttle with Dave as his co-pilot, Maria and mouse would be in the passenger seats in the back of the shuttle. John fired the engines into life and Dave finished up the pre-flight checks.

"Everyone ready?" John asked.

"Yes sir." John heard from his team.

"Bridge, this is shuttle pod one, requesting permission to leave the bay?" John said into the shuttle's radio.

"Shuttle pod one this is the bridge, permission granted, be advised, the bay doors are opening." The captain said.

"Roger that." John said then closed the channel. He piloted the shuttle out the bay doors then put it on a course to the station.

Chapter 3:

The journey to the station only took a couple of minutes but that gave John time to think back to memories of his father. He recalled a time when he was 17 and was on-board station 627. John's father had given him the grand tour of the station but John, being 17, never really paid much attention.

John was snapped back to reality by Dave nudging him and informing him that they were a few a few hundred kilometres from the station. John took control and lined the shuttle up to the docking hatch and then john engaged the docking clamps.

"Breathable atmosphere but there's no gravity?" Dave said a little confused.

"The back-up power will keep and sustain an atmosphere along with gravity, but it must be nearly out of fuel, so it must have disabled the gravity to keep the atmosphere for as long as possible, so grav boots will need to be activated" John explained.

"Ahh" was Dave's reply. Everyone adorned their grav boots then John popped the hatch and everyone headed into the station. Inside the station was dark so everyone activated the torches on the end of their rifles. They headed down the hall towards the elevator banks that were at the end. To the right of the elevators was a maintenance shaft with ladders to access the other decks. John observed and read the sign next to the door to the shaft, it read:

'DECK 1: Command Centre

DECK 2: Crew Quarters

DECK 3: Mess hall

DECK 4: Engineering

DECK 5: Fuel Filtration Plant

DECK 6: Raw Fuel Storage

DECK 7: Labs

DECK 8: Waste Filtration Plant

DECK 9: Filtered Fuel Storage.'

"Right first priority is to get power restored then we get on with everything else" John said. They headed into the shaft and climbed down one deck to engineering. The door to engineering was jammed so it took John and Dave to get it open, what they found inside shocked them to the core.

Chapter 4:

"Jesus Christ, What the fuck happened in here?!" Dave asked, shocked.

"I don't know, but whatever did, it wasn't pretty when it happened." John answered. The walls and floor of engineering were covered in blood, it was everywhere, but that wasn't the worst part.

"I think it's safe to say people died in here," Mouse said. "But where the fuck are the bodies?"

"I don't know" John said. John headed into the room, gun at the ready, closely followed by Dave, Mouse and the Maria, who hadn't seen the room yet. "Oh my god." Was all she said.

John headed over to the console nearest the core and then he assigned everyone with a console to monitor. Dave monitored the coolant flow, Mouse monitored the fuel flow rate and Maria monitored the fusion and temperature inside the core. John initiated the start-up sequence and within a minute the station powered back into life.

The team headed to the elevator banks and got in one. Then John pressed the buttons for the decks they needed to be on. "Right guys, you all know what to do so get to it then we can get out of here." John instructed. Mouse and Dave got out the elevator on deck 2, John and Maria stayed on and Rode the elevator to the next level. When the elevator doors opened to the Command Centre John and Maria headed inside.

The Command Centre didn't fare any better, the walls were covered in blood much like engineering and also just like engineering there were no bodies, but there was something else. There was another fluid along with the blood, an orangey sort of coloured fluid. It was unlike anything that John or Maria had ever seen.

"What the hell is this stuff?" Maria asked.

"I wish I knew..." John answered.

John headed over to a console in the middle of the room; he sat in the chair just in front of the console. He opened a channel to the Frontier and then started the download of the Station's mainframe to the Frontier, then he received a transmission on his radio, it was Dave.

"Sir, you should see it down here, it's a complete bloodbath, but still no bodies... wait... What Mouse? Sir I will radio back" then the line went dead.

"Permission to speak freely Sir?" Maria asked.

"What is it?"

"I have a really bad feeling about this, I think we should just leave." She said

"We have a mission to complete and until then we are staying." John said with a good bit of anger behind it.

"Sir what's up? You seem to be attached to this mission. Why?" Maria probed.

"My father... he worked here, It took me ages to get this mission and I am not leaving until I find out what happened, that's why" John answered, a little emotion in his voice. Before Maria could say anything Dave came back on the radio.

"Sir we found a body. It's been ripped to pieces. We will continue looking for anything to give us an indication at what it did this" Then the radio went silent.

"Fuck me." Was all John was able to say. John completed the download then headed to the elevator banks, Maria joined him then she pressed the button for deck 7, the labs.

Along the way they were joined by Mouse and Dave, they brought them up to speed on what they had found

"13 bodies in total in the crew quarters and 17 in the mess hall, but sir, all of them had been ripped to shreds." Mouse explained.

"Right so at the time there were 126 crew members on-board, which still leaves 96 unaccounted for."

They arrived in the main corridor. Along the length of this corridor were the labs. The corridor's walls were just glass so you could see straight into the labs on each side. They went into the first lab on the left and found a personal laptop. John booted up the device and then began to read the entries in the personal logs.

Chapter 5:

Four Months before.

"Another three of our lab crew has been admitted to the infirmary; do you think it's the weapon causing this?" Michael asked Alexander.

"I doubt it, the weapon isn't even designed to affect us is it and it is made with common bacteria from our planet for Christ sake." Alexander answered plainly. Alexander Stephens was the chief scientist on the Bio-Weapon programme. He was 49 years old and stood at a shade under 6 foot. He weighed around 11 stone, had really dark hair and brown eyes.

"I suppose but it's also made with the compound supplied by the Alonians, maybe that's the cause." his lab partner speculated. Michael Banks was a year younger than his lab partner, but he stood at 6 ft. 3. He had blondish hair and near green eyes and weighed close to 14 stone.

"Oh come on, they have been allies to us for decades now, and their technology is more advanced and they created the compound while making sure that it wouldn't harm us." Alexander explained.

"Ahh whatever it is it's making our crew drop like flies" Michael said finally defeated. They both headed to the end lab where they were holding the tests for the Bio-Weapon.

Lying on the table in the test chamber was the enemy of the human race. The species was called the Vondans; they were a reptilian species that ran a vast slave empire. They enslaved countless worlds and then attempted to enslave the human colony on Alvas prime. Now the human race with the help of the Alonian people, we came up with a bio-weapon capable of taking down entire planets without harming innocent races in the process.

"Begin the test" instructed Dr Alexander.

Over the course of the next twenty minutes Dr Alexander watched as the poison took effect. First the poison started by heating the reptilian's cold blood and then as the blood began to boil the toxin started to degrade the brain ultimately ending in total organ failure, then death occurs.

"I think we can call that a successful test, we need not work on it anymore. Finish storing the rest and I will contact earth and tell them of the success." Dr Alexander said. "Champagne's in the mess hall, it's on me." Everyone present at the test started clapping. There was a general good feeling for everyone involved in designing the Weapon.

Two hours later all the scientists who worked on the Weapon wear in the mess hall, drinking champagne and generally having a good time, Michael was finishing filling the last tank with the Weapon and sealing it, or so he believed.

Over the course of the next month this tank which contained over 200 litres of the toxin leaked, then there was no question about it, the toxin didn't just affect the reptiles.

Chapter 6:

John finished reading the log on his father's computer. He sat down in one of the chairs to the left of the desk. His head was spinning with all the new information about what his father was doing on this station.

"What's up?" asked Mouse.

"That computer belongs to my father..." John replied. Mouse went silent. Dave and Maria continued to search the labs around the corridor.

"You guys better get in here!" Dave shouted from the lab on the far right. the team ran down the corridor and into the lab. "Look at this" Dave removed the fog from the glass on one of the stasis chambers. Inside was one of the scientists, it was John's father.

"Quick get him out of there!" John shouted as he scrambled to the console that controlled the stasis chamber. He deactivated the stasis chamber and began the revive process.

A few minutes passed and the chamber's door opened and Alexander collapsed into John's arms. "Bring that Chair over, NOW!" John ordered. Mouse pulled the chair over then John put his father down.

"John?" Alexander said while looking at him.

"Yes" John answered, emotion beginning to seep into his voice

"Where are we?... Oh no we need to get out of here." Alexander said while trying to get up, but he collapsed back into the chair.

"Woah, Woah easy, what's the problem? why the rush?" Asked Dave.

"The crew.. they.. they've changed, they.. they.. mutated!" Alexander told them.

"what do you mean... Mutated?" Asked Maria.

"when we began testing the weapon, my team started to get sick, but I just thought it was a bad batch of food or something, but when a  colleague didn't seal one of the containers properly and it leaked, there was no doubt in my mind that the weapon had an unintended side effect on humans." Alexander explained "After I sent out the last message to Earth I put myself in stasis and hoped that I would live until someone came to get me out."

"Do you know where they are now? asked Maria.

"The last I saw of them they were hanging around the fuel filtration room. they seemed to be drawn to the heat of the filtration process, but I managed to set up a programme to shut of the main power five minutes after I engaged my stasis chamber, so I don't know if they will still be there." Alexander told Maria. a bang was heard out in the corridor. Dave and Mouse went out the door to find the source of the noise.

"We have to get him out of here before we run into these, 'things'" Maria said to John.

"Can you walk?" John asked his father?

"I think I can.." He said and tried to stand. He managed to stand and he was able to walk to the door but he wasn't moving quick enough.

"Dave" John called "help my dad, Mouse call the elevator." John headed into the first lab and picked up his father's laptop.

The elevator doors opened and they all went in. "hit deck 4, we need to start the overload in the core."

"NO!" Alexander screamed.

"We have to we can't let these things get out of here." John said.

"You can't, if you do you will destroy all the research..."

"..it's all backed up in the Frontier" John said before his dad could finish.

"Yes but if you blow the core we will have to be very far away because the fuel on board will make the explosion around five times bigger" Alexander finished.

"How far do we have to be away?" Mouse asked Alexander.

"0.92 light-years."

"If we were to overload the core how long until the explosion?" Asked Dave.

"It would take five minutes for the core to go critical, and an extra ten seconds until the explosion" Alexander explained.

"It would take us four minutes to get back to the Frontier, and that's with the engines about burning out." John said.

"And another minute for the Frontier to do the FTL jump to around a light-year away" Said Mouse.

"That's cutting it very fucking close" Maria exclaimed.

"I know but... wait a minute. how long would it take you ta make a programme to give us a three minute head start before the core would begin to overload?" John asked Alexander.

"About five minutes why?"

"if we get you to engineering can you create this programme?"

"Yes but now the core is active they will probably be in there, the fuel filter will not be running because no one has activated it."

"So I will activate it." Said Mouse.

"Right so Mouse, take Greyson with you and reactivate the fuel filter. Dave, myself and Alexander will head to engineering to start on the programme." John said "Once you have activated the filter come back up to engineering then we will activate the programme and we will head back to the shuttle and we will get the hell of this thing"

"Yes sir" Said Mouse and Maria. Dave hit the button for Deck 5 and the elevator stopped. Mouse and Maria headed out the elevator and the door closed behind them.

Chapter 7:

Maria and Mouse headed out the elevator door when it opened on Deck 5. The walls were covered in blood and the orangey substance and it only got worse the closer they got to the filter's control room. They turned to the right at the end of the corridor from the elevator and headed towards the control room's door. They went inside.

inside there was a total of three bodies. Two of them were badly decomposed and the other one was in six different pieces spread across the room. Maria headed to the control panel and Mouse checked the rest of the room.

"We're clear." He said. Maria began starting sequence on the filter, then a panel started to move in front of Her, little did they know but the wall in front of them wasn't a wall at all, it was a window and it looked straight into the main chamber where the filter was housed.

"Oh my fucking god, Mouse!". Mouse spun round and looked through the window. Some sort of mass had formed around the main filter. It moved and pulsed like it was alive, Then a mutated figure popped out from the bottom of the mass, then two, then three...

"MOVE MARIA WE HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!" Mouse shouted. Maria ran out into the corridor then turned left with Mouse quickly in tow, but when they turned the corridor one of the mutated beings was blocking the way. Mouse observed the name tag which was buried in it's skin, Commander Robert McCallum, The station's Commander. It roared like nothing Maria had ever heard, then mouse stuck 4 bullets in the thing's chest. And one in the head, but just as that one died more started coming from a service door which led to the filter.

"Shit down that corridor, Move!!" Mouse shouted as he pointed to a small service corridor about five feet away. Maria ran as Mouse laid down cover fire, then she did the same as Mouse ran into the corridor. They both ran down then turned left which led to the service shaft which ran along side the elevator.

"Go in, MOVE!!" Mouse screamed at Maria and she headed in and began the climb up. Mouse gave covering fire for her but when he turned to go into the shaft, one of the mutants grabbed his leg. Maria watched as mouse tried to break free, unable to shoot for fear of hitting Mouse.

"Go... Leave me... Warn John and get out of here!!" Mouse shouted to Maria, then he let go of the door frame. Maria watched as Mouse was pulled through the door, then, he was gone.

Chapter 8:

John and Dave headed into engineering, along with Alexander. John handed his father back his laptop and told him to start writing the programme.

"How long will it take you to write it?" asked John.

"About five minutes why?" Alexander replied.

"It should take Maria and Mouse three minutes to start the filter and get back here." John said. "You have until they get back to write that programme. We can't wait any longer than that."

"I will try but that might be difficult" Alexander said.

"Just do it"

John and Dave set to work setting a defensive perimeter around their position in case it took longer than three minutes, they used motion triggered explosive on the walls and floor of the main corridors leading in and out of engineering. As they were setting up these defences they heard a roar come from a lower level, then he heard gunfire.

"Shit, do you think they are ok?" Asked Dave.

"I don't know but I hope so." John replied. More gunfire was heard then shouting was heard from the maintenance shaft, then it went silent. it was silent for about a minute when John spotted Maria coming out of the shaft. She was covered in blood and in quite a bit of distress. John ran over to her and helped her into engineering. Dave pulled a chair over and John sat her on it.

"Where's Mouse?" Dave asked.

"The things got him" Maria replied.

"Oh shit" John muttered.

"What happened?" Dave asked.

"I don't know I was in the shaft, when I looked down mouse was struggling to get through the door, they had his leg. He said to go and then he was pulled through the door, I'm sorry there was nothing I could do." She said as she broke down in tears.

"We have to go and get him sir" Dave said.

"We can't he is probably dead and if we do go and get him and we fail we can't blow this station, then they things would get loose and start killing others. do you want to be the one responsible for bringing people to their death's?" John asked. Dave shook his head "Ok then we finish the mission, That's what he would want us to do."

"LOOK OUT!!" Maria screamed. John spun round to see mutants coming out of the maintenance shaft. Dave and John began shooting the mutants as they popped out of the shaft door.

"How long are you going to be?!" John asked his father.

"Another minute!" Alexander replied.

"WE DON'T HAVE A MINUTE!!" John shouted.

"I'm going as fast as I can" was all Alexander said. John, Dave and Maria continued to fire on the mutants as they came out the shaft.

"Shit, they are coming out the ventilation shafts!!" Dave said as he spun round to supress them.

"HOW MUCH LONGER?!!" John shouted.

"There it's finished!" Alexander said

"About damn time!"

Alexander downloaded the programme into the computer then started the countdown. Now all that remained was to get to the shuttle and get as far away as possible.

Chapter 9:

"Cover me!" John said as he ran to the elevator, along with his father. Maria gave covering fire then Dave and her ran to the elevator and got in just as the door was closing.

"Reload your rifles, this is going to be a tough fight to get out of here." John said to them, he handed his dad his sidearm. Alexander looked at the pistol, then looked at him. "You need to be able to cover yourself." was all he said.

The elevator door opened and everyone came out, slowly and pointing their weapons in front of them. the coast was clear.

"Ok, move slowly and cover our backs" John said. John and Alexander covered the front whilst Dave and Maria covered behind the group.

"Oh shit they're coming out the shafts!!" Dave shouted and began firing at the shaft entrance, Maria did the same John and Alexander spun around and fired also.

"Dad, run into the shuttle. Dave, You too. Start it up and get it ready to fly." John Said to his dad and Dave.

"What about you and Maria?" Dave asked as he continued to fire at the mutants coming out the shaft.

"We'll be right behind you, now go!" John shouted. Dave moved back and turned around and ran into the shuttle with Alexander in tow. John took Dave's place beside Maria.

"Ok now you go" John said to Maria.

"What about you?" She said

"I'll be fine now go!" John said. Maria turned around and ran towards the shuttle and went inside. She turned around and gave John covering fire as he made his run to the shuttle. Once john was inside Maria shut the hatch to stop the mutants getting in. John made his way to the pilot seat and dis-engaged the docking clamps, he piloted the shuttle away from the station and put the shuttle on a course with the Frontier.

"Frontier this is shuttle pod one, be advised we are coming in fast." John said into his radio.

"Roger shuttle pod one, we will be prepped and ready." The Captain said.

"Frontier, when we are in the shuttle bay got to Hyperspace until you are 1 light-year from your current position."

"Roger shuttle pod one, but why?"

The station is not salvageable, it has to be destroyed but you have to be 1 light-year away or the resulting shockwave will damage the Frontier" John explained.

"Roger, prepping for hyperspace for your arrival." the captain informed John, then he closed the channel.

John arrived at the Frontier and manoeuvred the shuttle into the shuttle bay. the doors closed underneath him and then the Frontier jumped into hyperspace. She dropped out of hyperspace 1 light-year away from the station, then the crew watched as the station exploded like a fireworks display. The station was successfully destroyed and everyone was safe from the terror on it.

Epilogue:

John sat in the infirmary and received a full medical examination. He was fit and healthy with no injuries, but his blood test was a different matter. He had contracted an unknown virus. The virus slowly began to mutate his body and erase his mind. His entire team including his father had began to show the same symptoms.

John and his team were placed into stasis to await further testing when the ship arrived back at space dock, but the virus spread to the entire crew. The Captain ordered the abandoning of the Frontier and activated the self-destruct sequence. The ship drifted into deep space where it was supposed to self-destruct, but one of the rouge crew, the second in command, had overridden the sequence before he collapsed and began his complete mutation. The ship drifted in the vast expanse of space, dead.

Please leave comments on how i can repair this story to make it acceptable 