User blog:DoctorBleed/"Blood Whistle" Review

In certain parts of rural Ohio, a "Blood Whistle" is what happens when a woman queefs while on an especially heavy period. In the world of bad Creepypasta, "Blood Whistle" is another generic entry in the "My Video Game Is Haunted" subgenre.

Written by DubiousDugong, a really awful Creepypasta author in a sea of other terrible writers, DubiousDugong stands out from the rest only because he's a plagiarist. Which is pretty funny, because plagiarizing bad creepypasta is a bit like fishing turds out of your neighbor's toilet to fill your own bowl with. If you can't even produce your own shit, you are a special kind of incompetent.

"Blood Whistle" is a Mario creepypasta that borrows heavily from Sonic.exe, and several other Mario creepypasta. Based on Super Mario Brothers 3, the story contains tons of gore, lots of blood, very few IQ points, and a metric fuckton of purple prose.

The framing device for it all is that some dumb kid goes online and finds a possibly malicious RomHack on the internet. When he plays it, he discovers the game is coated wall-to-wall in blood and gore, and everything is edgy, dark and depressing. The "hook" for this pasta is that all of the chaos starts when he MC finds a magic, evil flute in a secret area in the game called the "Blood Whistle." Toad, who gives Mario the magic flute, tells him to "hear it's cry." The main character apparently played the flute in Highschool, so this greatly disturbs him. By the end of the story he commits suicide - and that isn't a spoiler because in true bad creepypasta fashion, the story tells us right in the first sentence.

The story is structured like a series of archived blog posts. The writing style is what makes Blood Whistle truly "special." The narrator is melodramatic, animated and describes everything in a ridiculously grandiose way. The term "purple prose" doesn't even begin to describe it. It's like Max Payne took a community college creative writing course.

Every problem Sonic.exe had is present in this story. The author is way too emotionally attached to the fake characters on the screen, making him sound like an emotionally juvenile nitwit who can't seperate fantasy from reality.

The real kicker of this story is the gore. There's more Gore inside this story than Tipper's anus after a box of wine. A hallmark of DubiousDugong's writing style is that he likes to describe really gross, detailed mutilation like it's scary, rather than just gross or ridiculous. Chests getting ripped open, acid-tipped pokers, hooks pulling out livers, gallbladders being extracted by flaming scaples. As I said in the Clockwork review I wrote a few weeks back, over-the-top gore doesn't make your story any scarier, it just divorces it from reality.

The one saving grace of the story is that it's unintentionally hilarious. Stuff like the narrator wondering if this hack is the work of the Illuminati, or how Mario slides around on puddles of blood and the author points out that it plays like an ice level, or just the little things like the author rambling on and on to himself about nothing in particular.

Blood Whistle wants desperately to be a terrifying story, but ends up being just about the best comedy pasta written on the site ever. If you're looking for something bad to laugh at, give Blood Whistle a look and see how bad video game creepypastas can get.

Actual Score - 2/10 Comedy Score - 8/10