Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-33696343-20181115144801/@comment-36393004-20181115181424

Erase the whole thing and when you start typing, don't do it like you are talking to a friend about some weird thing that happened to you. Don't use "slang". (Ex: 0 to 100 real quick) It makes your story sound silly. If this was dialogue between two characters, that's fine but not in your story. I know that sometimes starting a sentence with "And" or "But" is necessary but when you do it this much it is just cringeworthy. Break your paragraphs accordingly, that middle section is way too big and when someone talks in quotes you need to break. If you are writing a number (2) and it is lower than (10) you type it out, don't use the numerical equivalent. That's basic grammar. Finally, that whole "EPILOGUE" segment is unneccessary. The story is too short for something like that. Just continue the story without that prompt.