Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26112985-20150815011221/@comment-26112985-20150816001055

JohnathanNash wrote: Acid was good, had an idea of where it was going once you mentioned cheating. Final film didn't really do anything for me. Screaming yourself away was okay. Stargazing was by far the best. Swallowed was a good idea but it needs work.

Okay so IMO that is how the stories are ranked. Let me give a little more feeling to it now: Acid and Final Film were too close to the same idea for me. If you were going to go with one, I would go with Acid, the twist is stronger and the build up is better. Plus it doesn't deal with things that most people have no idea about, which is the main reason why I like it more. Most people have never watched a snuff film, and don't want to watch a snuff film, so there is no connection to the person in that story. But almost everyone has been in a relationship and can relate to that. So for that reason Acid was better.

Screaming Yourself Awake, was okay. The idea was okay, it didn't seem like anything new though. Dreams and nightmares have always been used in horror, and the idea someone think they are dreaming has been used almost as much. So it was a good idea but has been done a lot.

Stargazing, wonderful. Publish that one now, it's great and well done. Not much more to say about that one, there isn't anything I saw which was wrong with it, at least I don't remember anything.

Swallowed is a great idea, but there is something wrong with the execution. maybe because the title gives away the ending, that takes away much of the tension. There are also some parts that don't need to be there, like the dog scratching the door; the dog maybe doesn't even need to be there. It may be better if it was shorter, you can make it stronger if you trim away the filler.

Hope this helps some. Hey there JohnathanNash! Glad you took the time to come and look at some of these micropastas I had the pleasure of writing.

I'm planning to release all of them under one singular page (sort of like Empy's collection), and I will most definitely take heed to your advice.

'Swallowed' is actually the pasta with which I have the least confidence. It was written on pretty short notice and its already pretty long for a micropasta (565 words to be exact), so I might just scrap that one. I will be coming up with another, though. Would you like me to notify you when I have it in the Writer's Workshop?