Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34596229-20180313134751/@comment-9041013-20180313194951

T'was nice once the story started kicking in. However it feels like you're trying to make sure we know this is JUST fiction.

The knocking on the door scene looks very "oh its a horror fiction, look audience, something is going to happen", I would go with "the knocking would not stop until I had opened the door" in stead of "it suddenly went from knocking to banging like crazy."

The mood swing upon discovery of something interesting on one's door step, is possible, but unlikely, he would be more likely freaked out, weirded out, or just discard the "gift" alltoghether, I would add a couple of sentences about this being a more realistic process as he lazily goes through looking over this scarf thing and what he decides to do with it. (Also, I think by now, we all know that YT celebrities aren't always pro so, we can guess how he got his crew, not really interesting)

The whole trope of "in my not so western home country supernatural is real" is so, I don't know, reminds me of racism, as if in none super economically advanced countries the wilderness and unknown rule over human life completely. Would be cooler if he came across some native american stuff or whatever, but I'm guessing you're Indian so... I'll let this slide :P

The concept behind the monsters and their descriptions are pretty cool, also, the shift from "it's just open country night" to "well this is supernaturally calm" should be more gradual, I guess it would feel nicer if you said the sounds started dying out until there was utter silence.

I did not like how you kept calling the monster boss "The Devil", I mean the story goes to show, that unlike christianity, Hindu (or asian spiritualism) centered concepts are a part of reality, so why go about saying "Its the devil" all the time, just call it a monster, a thing, a whatever dark and scary comes to mind.

I like the bridal ghost, she came to teach him a lesson, "don't be a dick, don't make a mockery of things you cannot understand" and also, well, made him pay a HUGE price by setting him free, making her (even if you did not intend to do so) not exactly the "good guy" in the story, However, the prophecy and the price, they're a little too obvious to take the main hero seriously when he says "I did not understand what first born means". Keep it more convoluted and not so obvious.

On a sidenote, while he broke his arm, he probably would not feel the pain because he was, drowning in adrenaline, and the crutching sound would freak him out even further, thus, at least for the moment of breaking, make him unable to feel the pain.

Over all nice work though, gave me some chills :O