User blog comment:NotSoOrdinary/Tell Me/@comment-4427347-20140211210247

Well...

First off. Your pasta does not go onto your profile page. Go to the home page of the Wiki and create the page with the title of your choice.

The pasta starts off too abruptly, with the parents dying and being arrested WORDS into the story. This should be gradual, or a less abrupt way.

The story is also cliche-filled, from beings in windows to strange things happening around the house.

Some words are terribly misspelled, such as dispair being "dis-pare". I understand if English isn't your first language, but if it is please try to keep grammar as well as possible. There are also unneeded punctuation marks in places.

" 'How did you sleep,' she asked. 'Not well, you?' 'Just fine,' she explained. I guess she didn't question why because everyone has a problem with sleep when the move into a new home."

The above is just one of the many details that do not need to be in the story. They don't add on to the atmosphere, and are completely pointless in meaning.

" Soon it will take me, eat me, absorb me I don't care what it does anymore."

Once again, one of the many cliches this "pasta" has.

The ending is completely stupid, to be honest. I've seen many a story end just like this one, and it never "spooks me" or "gives me nightmares". It's the same old "person goes crazy, being gets in, they die, the end" esque-thing.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh (not to many ways to get criticism over without sounding mean), but please, before you go posting this on an actual page, the story needs a COMPLETE do-over.

Thanks,

Pepman (talk) 21:02, February 11, 2014 (UTC)