Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-10502460-20180709044901/@comment-7064562-20180709063037

HopelessNightOwl wrote: Resdraon wrote: Not sure when it was, I recall hearing about it a couple of years ago. There was a women kidnapped and locked in her own torn apart room. Somehow she was able too get the security cam to post it on youtube asking for help and what not. People assumed it was a joke, finally, a few took it seriously, but by the time anything was done and it was traced the girl, along with her kid, where found dead. I think we actually did a study on said video in sociology class a few years back.

I've heard of a few others, one a couple of teens were live streaming, got attacked, people thought it was a joke, turns out they were actually murdered.

Pretty sure you can find some news reports about events like this or similar through google.

Like I said, it's a thing that can happen in real life, and has, so it would make for some decent creepypastas, but as it has in the past, yours needs something to set it apart. More substance. A girl running away scared and that being posted on youtube can work, but it needs more if you want it to stand out. I like how you have the explanation of why at the start, but as that's so long and the story is so short, it leaves a lot of empty space.

Kind of like when ice cream has some weird ass name that makes it sound interesting, but then it turns out it's just chocolate. So basically, the meat of the story is too short compared to how much text is devoted to setting up the premise? Pretty much that, and of course how overused the concept is. Around 50% of it is the top loaf, 30% meat, then the bottom crust. Sounds like subway. A  long and informative entrance is great for a longer story, as it adds context and foreshadowing, however not for a shorter story.