Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-32764586-20180429035333/@comment-32764586-20180429055241

Kolpik wrote: I could point out a few punctuation issues and such if you'd like, but I don't have too many issues with your story. No subterfuge here, you let the reader know immediately what's going on, but manage to dodge naming what she is. I appreciate that, and other readers will as well.

The siren draws him towards the rocks, and crashes into them. I really like how the castaway's inner dialogue describes his battle for control. It plays well with the title. The story really isn't about his desire, but hers. Her transformation through the story was well done. My thinking is that maybe she was lost, desperate for sustenance, and stumbled upon an oasis in the form of a man trapped on an island.

I only have two issues. 1- I'd switch out 'zombie' with ghoul or something like that since you've avoided using 'vampire.' 2- I don't think the last line is necessary. Maybe, instead of focusing on her humanity you could focus on his. I assume he hasn't died (not yet at least) since he's telling the story. She mentions feasting on him for many moons to come. What will become of his humanity? Is he to become like her, or is he just a buffet?

This is all just my opinion. Maybe I missed your intent here, but that's how it goes. The reader often takes the story in directions the writer didn't intend. I feel that reviews are meant to help you see your story a little clearer. I'm sure Bloody will be more critical tham me if that's what you're looking for. Relax Bloody, that's not an insult. :)

Thanks for the review man. I appreciate it. I'll be sure to look into those issues you pointed out. And yea, if Bloody finds this he probably will be. No offence to either of you two, it's just the way he is :)