User blog:Dorkpool/Lightsabers and Dinosaurs

Screw it. I can't stay gone, especially with the stupid shit now going on in the Nerdverse. While I won't be here daily like before, I'll be around. Anyway, enough about my return. Let's talk about Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Jurassic World.

When it comes to the seventh installment in the Star Wars franchise, the Internet has been going a bit nuts over the trailer, especially over that lightsaber. Some say it's cool, while others say it's stupid. Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with the latter: it's just stupid. Honestly, while I'm not a sword expert, I'm pretty sure a crossguard with plasma lasers isn't really good protection for you. It seems it would do more harm than good. (By the way, you know what is a cool lightsaber variation? Bat'leth lightsaber.) As for the rest of the trailer...meh. It's not terrible, but it's not particularly good either. Granted, it's a teaser trailer or sizzle reel (depending on who you ask), but it still seems kind of lacking in something. Oh, right, I know what's lacking: Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, and Harrison Ford. The original cast of Star Wars. Oh well. At least they don't have Hayden Christensen in the trailer or movie, so that's a plus.

Now, for Jurassic World, based on what I can gather from the trailer, the plot goes as such: A new Jurassic Park theme park, Jurassic World, has opened. It's pretty popular, and, naturally, attracts a small child who will act as our protagonist. Meanwhile, someone genetically engineered a new dinosaur that's extremely bloodthirsty, and, naturally, it escapes and terrorizes the park. Ok, wait a second: someone thought it was a good idea to create a new dinosaur? Seriously? To quote Batman from All-Star Batman and Robin: "What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something?" What in the world makes you think that creating a new, bloodthirsty dinosaur was a good idea? Especially if you have this dinosaur in a park populated by many people. I may not be an expert on this, but I'm pretty sure death by dinosaur will cause people to stay away from your theme park. Besides that idiotic plot, there's something else I have to address: the effects. The original Jurassic Park had groundbreaking special effects that still look convincing and hold up even to this day. Jurassic World, on the other hand, appears to employ a lot of CGI. Unconvincing CGI, I might add. Good job, director Colin Trevorrow. Way to shit on Steven Spielberg's original work of groudbreaking effects. (Well, ok, it wasn't Spielberg himself who worked on the effects of the movie, but the point is those effects done remarkably well) Well, then again, The Lost World and Jurassic Park 3 kind of shit on the franchise in general, so I'm not sure he could do much worse...

Well, that wraps up today's rant. I hoped you enjoyed it. If you didn't, and decide to write nasty comments, I hope you injure yourself with a crossguard lightsaber.