Talk:That with Yellow Eyes/@comment-5733573-20180618210714

It's not bad, all told. It's biggest problem---and it is a big problem---is the purple prose. This is for a couple of reasons:

- No one from 2018 is going to write like that in their journal.

- No one making their last journal entry is going to write like that.

- It distracts from the overall story, serving as a kind of barrier between the readers and the events of the plot.

- It's just pretentions, too much to wade through, and unecessary.

Basically, you're harming your story by writing like this, and it doesn't really add anything. Otherwise the story is fine and flows nicely, but this could be a top notch pasta without all of the irritating floweriness.