Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27697299-20160330030638

I need some help with this, please give me some ideas on what to fix.

Kind Regards

Phil Raptor



As I kid I had it tough, my parents had divorced, I know what you’re thinking, wow you had it tough join the club of about two million, but that’s not the tough part. After my parents divorced, I was diagnosed with psychosis. Doctors gave me medication so that I could live my life, but I wouldn’t be telling this story if that was it. People at school always tried to comfort me, but I just sat there with an angry look in my face. After about two weeks of constant failure, they gave up. I was left to myself, which I liked more. After that everything was fine, but the story starts on one fateful day.

I was heading home from work, when someone punched me in the back of the head. When I hit the round I had blacked out. When I woke up I was in an alley way, hunched over and ripping chunks of flesh out of an unrecognisable human. I felt sick, I threw up on the wall. What further disgusted me was in that pool of sick, was a half-eaten eyeball. I threw up again. When I looked up police where walking towards me. I didn’t fight back.

I was put in an insane asylum, they thought I had lost my sanity. Well I wouldn’t blame them, I ate someone. What’s worse is these dreams I keep having. In the dreams I’m standing in front of a mirror, looking at myself. Except for one thing, the person in the mirror isn’t me. In the dream, I’m wearing a white shirt underneath a black jumper with my name on it, black jeans and a pair of black shoes. My medium length hair still it’s normal black colour and my eyes that dull green. In the mirror I’m wearing a black shirt underneath a black jumper with red stains on it, red jeans and red shoes. His hair is the same as mine, but red and his eyes are a bright yellow with black around the iris. The name on the jumper says Menos instead of my name. Menos only say’s one thing; Your time is running out. Except for one time, he said; your time has run out.

When he said that I woke up. I had been released from the mental prison a week before, claiming that it must’ve been a one-time thing, because I acted normally when in the cell. I went to the bathroom to splash my face. When I looked up in the mirror, it wasn’t my face it was Menos looking back at me. He said, “You time has run out.” Then I blacked out.

I woke up in an unfamiliar environment. When I got up, I looked around to familiarise myself. The only thing noticeable is a T.V in the corner, a desk with scattered newspapers on it and a locked door with red writing on it that reads: DO NOT OPEN. I had gone straight to the newspapers, the date on them where labelled 2016. This is where I flipped out, wow could I have blacked out for ten years, then I feel up to my face. There’s no beard. Someone’s been living my life. When I’m about to turn the T.V and see my reflection. I’m just like the person in my dreams, I’ve become Menos, or Menos has taken my life. My hair is that red and my clothes are the clothes he wore, but my eyes are my dull green. I turn on the T.V and sure enough ten years has passed.

Something that bugs me is the news headline on one of the newspaper’s. It reads that a boy has gone missing and that police had abandoned the search. Apparently the boy was charged with murder over his mother. His father was living somewhere else at the time and didn’t know till police came asking. The chilling thing about it was the picture of the lost boy. It was me ten years ago. The rest of the papers talk about gruesome murders, and victims missing parts of their body. I’m scared. I think Menos has been living my life and has killed all of these people, and now I’m in control.

This whole thing has changed me, I feel like Jekyll and Hyde. I know it sounds a little cliché, but it’s true. The worse thing is that the dreams have started again. Menos keeps saying your time is running out. One day when I checked my email, I saw an untitled email, from an unknown user. It just reads: Your Time Is Running Out, over and over again. I also opened the door with the writing. Inside is a whole assortment of killing devices, Knives, Guillotines even some nooses have been setup. I also found bodies hanging by their necks. Since then I’ve left the building and have been on the run for a while. Menos is still trying to regain control and I don’t know when he will come back, all I know is that my time is running out and it’s running out quick. I don’t know how long I have till this computer runs out of battery but I know it will live long enough for me to post this. Please if you know anything tell me, it may save the lives of millions.  