User blog comment:Chelsea.adams.524/Stuff Happening Is NOT A Story/@comment-9780519-20140426020522

I get what you're saying, but it's not that easy.

"Looking behind me, I saw a pale figure of a  young  boy behind me."

You don't need young. Boy/Girl usually indicates someone younger. Plus, if you have a specific age you picture the ghost, you need to be more descriptive. Young brings up different imagry to people of different ages.

"To my horror, I noticed the boy was floating  instead of walking ."

We don't need the "this-is-what-normal-non-ghosts-do" line. As soon as we read about the boy floating, we understood what was off about that.

There's several descriptions that aren't needed throughout your example. Describing every little detail wont create an instant classic.

It's not quite that easy to write on Lewis Carroll's level. LOL