Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25024572-20160718205611/@comment-25569708-20160720005812

So there are a few errors I found in the 2nd draft:

"5 month old" needs hyphens and the "5" probably should be written out since it's such a small number.

I think "So, now that you’ve come to terms with the reality of situation" should be "So, now that you’ve come to terms with the reality of the situation"

I think "or, if it’s on wall, curtains or sheets" should be "or, if it’s on the wall, curtains or sheets"

And I'm pretty sure that "Use an Ouija board" should be "Use a Ouija board" because that's the wording I see on the internet/Wikipedia. And just say "an Ouija board" out loud, it sounds wrong.

But yeah I thought this piece was actually pretty hilarious. You were consistently humorous and didn't hang around for too long. You nailed the shitty infomercial voice/wording perfectly imo (Although I would've liked to have seen some "Tired of _____?'s up there). I loved seeing all these tropes and clichés lampooned like this. Of course this story reminds me a lot of the Demon Summoning PSA, and unfortunately I think it shares the same problem of not really being appropriate for this site. But it seems you're gonna ask an admin about it, so we'll see. I don't think you should change it to make it "fit" this site; I think it's great for what it is right now (But if it were me writing, I would change the old "in-laws" gag to Jehovah's Witnesses, and I would suggest that the hauntee could attempt to stir up a romance with the intruding ghosts. I don't know). Anyways, I think this thing is really funny and I think you did a nice job. My two cents.