Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26447851-20160705140237/@comment-25024572-20160719232222

Eyelessjack1080 wrote: I was having ideas about the character development and after listening to immortal technique for 4 hours straight I started thinking about how corrupt our government was and was thinking. What if I went a different direction. A character who has personality who isn't completely dark and brooding but also shows the common thing in all the characters but instead of being torn down by normal society he was like a conspirist I think that's the word and he uncovers something big and the government tried to silence him and he survived but was like maybe he tried to run and at some point got electrocuted in a certain way that it fucked with his genetics like in Spiderman three how sand man got his powers or something and his overall goal is to bring down the government. Super smart and well mannered but his sanity could be slowly fading. although at times he will choke and freeze up for example he would grab someone by the throat and before he killed them he would hallucinate and see the face of himself as a child with the same look of fear in his face as he had when he was constantly bullied causing him to wonder if he is becoming the same kind of monster he hated and with that weakness his victims could sometimes escape and from there side stories could be created like the Jeff the killer or rake victims telling their stories. Idk I'm just brainstorming but I think that one could work for the government as he could swear to topple the US government in a list for revenge by causing riots pulling threads and tearing it apart from behind the curtains claiming "a little chaos makes the world go round " and sometimes to make a change you have to be the bad guy" he can be extremely philosophical but at the same time very naive and quick to act without thinking. Causing him to make mistakes. Let me know what you guys think I honestly think I have a start for his story that fits all parts.

First, it's Spider-Man, not Spiderman. There's a hyphen, damn it! Also, in Spider-Man 3, Sandman got his powers not by electrocution (that's how Electro got his powers in the comics), but by falling into some science turbine whatsits.

As for the story or whatnot itself, I'm pretty sure something like that's been done before. But, even old ideas can be remade into something new. Honestly, this feels like a superhero origin mashed with some government conspiracy theory story.

Also, question regarding the government corruption: is it "the government controls everything and Big Brother is watching" or is it "the government knows there are aliens and supernatural beings and wants to prevent everyone from knowing"? If you ask me, I think the second choice would be your best bet. That way, it can all tie in, since he's trying to prove the government is hiding the supernatural and he becomes the supernatural.

In regards to the freezing up and hallucinating aspect, what does bullying have to do with this? Wouldn't it make more sense for this guy to have a friend who thinks he's a bit crazy, and every time he kills someone as part of his anarchic agenda, he sees his friend's face, and wonders if his friend is right and he's not doing the right thing? Or something like that? The bullying thing seems a bit forced.

The idea for this guy inspiring the Rake/Jeff the Killer isn't bad, but they're blacklisted subjects, so you can't really do that.

With some fleshing out and such, the story could work, but my advice is, first and foremost, have proper spelling and grammar and please, don't make what you write one giant wall of text. Just reading your idea was kind of a pain due to the way it's formatted.