Talk:The Dark Visitor/@comment-25383866-20141018111631

I really like the idea behind this story. It's very universal- the feeling of defeat and fatigue that life can give you. It's easy to imagine attributing such feelings to a "Dark Visitor," this creature that comes to feed on you at when you're at your worst.

However, the execution was a bit lacking. I stumbled over many parts where the language chosen just didn't gel. For instance, you don't imagine about something, you imagine it. You think about things.

Also there were several parts that just felt unfinished and glossed over- for example, you spelled "you" as the letter "u" in one sentence. It makes it really difficult to take the story seriously. This is not a message board on 4chan or reddit.

There are a couple of sentences that completely contradict each other in the second-to-last paragraph where you describe what happens if you do not inscribe and burn the picture. The first one states that if you skip this step, he will definitely appear, and in the next sentence you say that there is a chance he won't. It's confusing, for obvious reasons.

Overall, it was not terrible. The writing could definitely use polish, but I did the best I could in editing. Look them over, and hopefully you'll understand them. I will give it a numerical score of 6.5 out of 10.