Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24841732-20141010150639/@comment-25226524-20141010235636

Well I like the concept of this, but it appears your rushed state carried over into the story. It was told very matter of factly, with little description. I felt like I was in a race to the end. I think if you reworked this when you were less rushed, it would be a great story. The ending is a little ambiguous, perhaps too much so. It could be just me, but I'm having trouble coming up with an interpretation.

I can tell you have talent at building tension, I just think maybe it needs to be slowed down a bit. I think you've got the makings of a good story here, it just needs to be expanded and less rushed. Hope this helps. Keep up the good work.