Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35826115-20190629165428/@comment-35711173-20190629204854

Vvmaxplays,

If you won't listen to me, please listen to Bloody Spaghetti. His reviews have so often meant the difference between something that bores me to something I can be proud of. In your case, he is 100% spot on.

I don't know or care about Hermann's hidden Easter egg inside the game. Knowing that it is an Easter egg takes away what tiny bit of build-up of tension that there was.

I'd like you to try using another on line proof reading tool. https://www.scribens.com

Post your story in and click Check. Then look on the left side towards the bottom for Sentences and click the radio button for run-on sentences. You will note that the first three paragraphs are highlighted yellow. They are almost entirely run-on sentences. Work on dividing out those sentences.