Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27416994-20160712124438/@comment-28266772-20160712154103

So here are some useful guides to help you in the future.

Here is the style guide.

Here is the general 'how to' guide.

Here is a list of cliches to avoid.

Here are some advice blogs that offer a range of suggestions on writing.

So first off the way you format dates is incorrect. In your example it should read,

"On the 5th, 7th, 14th, 17th and the 21st of October, 1980, half-eaten...." - there are other styles you might use, but regardless the months and numbers on their own are not sufficient. Plenty of guides on the internet will show you how you can format this in other ways.

"All of them were known alcoholics and rapists," -> I would like to know how this is known.

"young women,who" -> after a comma there should be a space

" All of them were known alcoholics and rapists, and were pursuing young women,who ran through the gate only to look back and see a monster covered in long, black hair with blue skin, a mouth that stretched from ear-to-ear, tusks, and horrifying, down-turned eyes, the kind that stared into your soul, leap down from the top of the gate, maul the woman's attacker using a combination of claws and teeth and drag their body to the top of the gate, and then dissapearing, presumably to eat the body in peace, and leave the body in pieces" -> this is too long for one sentence and would be considered a run on sentence. The language is also unnecessarily ambiguous - for example the clause " only to look back and see a monster" is vague and does not clarify whether it is the men, or the women, who are looking back and seeing a monster. Basically the sentence is just too long and confusing.

Overall what exists of this story is interesting, but there's not actually that much there. I think it could use a bit more fleshing out, and would benefit from a more in-depth plot. Otherwise I quite liked the description of the monster, I just wish there was a bit more to read.