Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25036236-20140610152253/@comment-25045942-20140610161253

It's an alright idea, but there are plenty of grammatical errors and sentences that could be touched up to sound better. For example, the first thing I noticed was the "There has been some shit going on VERY LONG in the Old Hickory Hospital" which really isn't even the worst error in this whole pasta.

Along with that, another suggestion is to both make the Doctor more threatening and to change the ending. It seems like it was rushed and thought up on the spot instead of really planned and it doesn't sit well knowing that the idea of a doctor continuing to 'treat' their 'patients' in a hospital that's been out of commission for years could have really been a good pasta.

It's an alright first or second attempt, but it would be much better with practice and corrections.