Board Thread:General Wiki Discussion/@comment-25052433-20150919183325/@comment-6554265-20150919230432

Yeah, while this message will probably be deleted since it lacks a vote, here's my input on how it could be fixed anyways.

1: The characters should be older. The fact that they're children makes it hard to take seriously. Jeff, Liu, and the bullies should be in their mid teens, like 15 to 16.

2: Jeff and/or Liu didn't simply tell the police attacking the bullies was self-defense.

3: Every sliver of dialogue is horrid in every way, not even enjoyably bad.

4: The bullies didn't wear masks when revealing themselves at the party, so even if they managed to kill Jeff, they would've been arrested anyways.

5: Jeff's mutilations as a whole, both self-inflicted and from the fight. I don't need to explain this one. Like Stellar said, maybe taking out of the mutilations as a whole would be the better route.

6: Jeff's mom's immediate reaction to her obviously mentally deranged son is "screw getting him help, get the gun and put him down."

7: And finally, Jeff being overpowered. Fixing these 7 things would make a decent story, without a doubt.