Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-44610077-20200120202101/@comment-33904527-20200122201046

The build-up isn't nearly long enough to give the twist any meaningful impact. The twist itself is rather cliché, and the fact that the story relies upon it as a means of creating interest means that the entire pasta sort of falls flat. I would advise either prolonging the build-up for a greater effect, or finding some other way to make the story interesting.

The ending doesn't make sense for two reasons. 1)-The story is told in first-person, but the protagonist 'dies' at the end, through being injected with the needle. 2)-Why would a mental asylum adopt such a 'protocol'? Surely there are patients with far worse conditions than the main character, are they all going to be injected too? Why would an asylum be killing its patients in the first place? The protagonist hasn't even done anything bad, he just has memory loss. These are all questions that need to be answered if you want to post this on the site.