User blog comment:HardyGal/Writing advice, please/@comment-25148755-20150612041451

First off, welcome aboard! Regarding advice, you're being a little too vague with your story to get too much in the way of detailed suggestions. That being said, I'd recommend posting what you have to the Writer's Workshop. You'll typically get at least a few people to give constructive criticism and you don't have to worry about your story being deleted due to quality control. If you list specific things you want people to look at (as you've done here) they will typically try to accomodate those things.