Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25731232-20150409181345/@comment-26007602-20150409235740

I don't really get what you want us readers to feel. All you've done is use sexual abuse to make this girl's life tragic and disheartening. The problem I see is that Alice has no real character defining traits or moments, other than being bullied and sexually abused throughout her life. It's almost rather tasteless how you solely rely on this to carry the story. I'm not saying you shouldn't include it, but I definitely think you should include some other plot or character defining details, as this currently is just about a young girl needlessly victimized to make the reader feel sorry for her.

There's also just not much happening in the story. You nearly went the clichéd route (Although the sexual abuse for the sake of sadness is still fairly cliché) and had the character murder all those that wronged her, but thankfully, you did not. Other than that, there's no real character development or events that happen in the story; it's just a needlessly tragic series of events to try and make us readers sad.

I think you tried waaaaay too hard to make your readers depressed, and instead skimped on plot and character details. I think you should cut down on the number of sexual abuses and instead focus on developing one or two of them to better shape Alice. Of course, there need to be other personality traits to her as well, which can help define the character. Focus on how these events affect her daily life, her emotions, her interactions with people, stuff like that.

This doesn't seem to qualify as a creepypasta per se, as there are no unsettling or unnerving events present; all this story is the tragic events of one girl's life. I don't know if it'd be accepted on the site. Just my thoughts.