Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-24059312-20140514015018/@comment-24077689-20140514163350

I read this yesterday when it was posted. Resident DeVir touched on pretty much all the same points I had.

I just wanted to add, I had high hopes for this because of the way you treated the newscast, but it pretty quickly goes downhill after that. Like, the whole supernatural investigator 17 year olds that are also famous premise is A) not believable and B) a pretty juvenile adolescent fantasy at best.

There are tons, hundreds, thousands, of ways that you could have set this up differently. The dialogue doesn't progress the story much of the time, a lot of this could honestly just be deleted without harming the plot or anything.