Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-4127849-20140318012020/@comment-24077689-20140318181502

ImGonnaBeThatGuy wrote: I think the style hurts the piece. I'm not offended by stuff like "ponyfag" or anything, but after a few times it gets really old. So, does the swearing. I don't go on 4chan at all, so I don't know how accurate the style is. It definitely does feel like someone telling a story on a message board, so you did achieve that. But that doesn't make for a good story.

You've got about two and a quarter pages here. Only about three grafs actually contribute to the story. You spend a lot of time giving us a lot of set-up that doesn't really matter or contribute. The actual action of the story takes about one graf. And then it's over. It either needs more meat or you need to go deeper with what you have. Really get inside of it. Tell the story in detail instead of just summarizing. I agree with all of the above.

There's a lot of useless hyperbole, it seems like a lot of this is set up specifically so you can use words like ponyfag. And, frankly, stuff like this is the reason I stopped using 4Chan.

You have some decent ideas here, but the amount of shit I have to wade through to get to it is ridiculous. You set up and talk and talk and talk. It's tiring. A lot of this doesn't do much for the story. It's just there.