Board Thread:New on Creepypasta Wiki/@comment-6468917-20130213182118/@comment-6333099-20130215122921

Weird... so people call him blue and he gets aggressive?? o.o

It was an OK creepypasta... It needed a lot of improvement.

Like the first couple of paragraphs were just really fast pased. Him moving in and unpacking is in the same paragraph as him hearing noises in the house a week later... I know building is one of the hardest parts of writing, but sometimes you just gotta try to extend it and tie it together. But I supose my opinion could be biased because when i write, I get relaly descriptive on everything to make sure it seems fitting.

And then there was the ending, which just seemed out of place. He ignores his brother's corpse and picks up his kidney? What? It was more of an 'lolwhat' situation than an 'oh my god that was a shocking ending' one...

Just a few suggestions for the writer, based completely off of my opinion. c: