Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27008899-20160521013843/@comment-34296765-20160521022758

Grammar: "His knuckles, white as he firmly held the black coated steel of the tire iron he found laying beside it" seems to be a fragmented sentence. "A few reports on the news of a drugged out nut eating another person, then rioting in the streets, before long the television fell silent" also is worded very strangely (A better version would be, "A few reports on the news of a drugged out nut eating another person then rioting in on the streets came on before long (sic) the television fell silent"). "Haven of gore" makes little sense as "Haven" means, "A safe place or refuge". I recommend copying this onto Microsoft Word and Spellcheck it.

Tense issues: "Marco is very aware of what (these) hordes of things can do", "He watched watches from his apartment window as an army of police and military were swarmed swarms, then consumed as though they were little more than a blockade of freshly served dinners lining the streets", etc. These corrections still won't exactly perfect your grammar as the entire flow of your story is out of wack; you may need to complete rewrite some portions.

And now - for the actual story itself.

The situation was very cliched and predictable in the first place. "A zombie apocalypse" is a common horror genre but on this wiki it's hard to make a good story out of it unless a giant twist is involved, and as for yours it seems nothing more than a small excerpt on a zombie invasion. The horror came from rather cheap shock points, such as Marco getting attacked by zombies, getting bitten, and yet miracuously surviving.

The ending needs the most work in my opinion. It seems unfinished, without any plot twist or definite closure whatsoever. So Marco is captured by someone, who happens to be a detective (?) (I'm confused), and they have a debate over the situation, and then what? Where is the ending? In a generic story involving aliens or zombies like this, the ending should be a big plot twist that completely changes the reader's perception. Long story short the ending needs to be rewritten.

Sorry if I was being too harsh, and sorry that I couldn't have given a better critique, but I hope you take this into consideration and fix this story up. Good luck. ;)