Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-35911608-20190324085328/@comment-9041013-20190324234651

RedNovaTyrant wrote: BloodySpghetti wrote: 2200 isn't very long, it's decent length for a short story.

Anyhow, this is a very good draft, Im gonna say that this is pretty much ready to go on the site. Some minor editions can be made to make it more realistic however, the biggest one being a consistant moral compas to your main character. Flash out him being kind of a grey area person. In the end he basically says "Fuck it, let everything burn" out of blue almost. If you do point out here and there that he's ready to make these tough decisions and is ready to get his hands dirty so to speak, that could improve to almost perfection.

Other issues I think that you could address to improve this story even more are the effects of this artificial eclipse on the world, google the effects of sun light deprevation on the ecosystem and incorporate some of that into the story. This of course could lead to the formation of cults and obviously would lead to the break up of society.

If you want to make the human sacrifices really creepy and almost crazy, look up human sacrifices among the Aztecs, they did some messed up things like wearing the flayed skins of their victims until they had rotten off. Heck, they believed their vagitation god flayed himself in order to water the earth. Thank you for the review.

Yeah, 2200 isn't that long, just giving it so that people are aware anyways haha.

The consistent compass sounds good. The point I was going for with the story is a form of look at the different ways people deal with the unknown, and the MC is (supposed to be) in the grey area category of people who just don't concern themselves with stuff like that, only to come to the choice of joining the coat group's "beliefs". I'll add in some changing opinions over the story to make his conversion more natural.

I didn't know if I wanted to touch too much on the umbra itself, since I worried it would take away from the horror and drown it a little in too much science-y stuff, but I'll take a look.

I was looking at some stuff before about Aztec/Mayan rituals like this, I only went to the point of covering themselves in warm blood as to keep themselves alive in the cold of the eclipse. If I can find anything else interesting or think of something, I'll add it.

I also have a slightly different ending in mind, with one last event that cements the MC's decision to join the coats. I'd like to see what people think of it. You don't really have to touch the Umbra itself, just the effects it has on the world, and even that, just briefly, just for added credibility.