Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25890122-20150612193531/@comment-26460235-20150613001432

With some fleshing out this could work. Mainly the characters need, well character (wow that sounded bad). Giving them just a few line of dialogue with each other could do a lot. Not knowing anything about them other than that they die doesn't do much for the reader. The narrator's actions also feel unbelievable, especially when his friend is floating and he just kind of says "what are you doing?" Also it feels rushed and the craziness is almost immediate. Adding some more descriptions, of the party, the house, the people, the book, will help to set the reader into the environment and ultimately make the ending pay off a lot better. I hope this helps and I'd definitely like to see the end result!