Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-26277607-20150404203030/@comment-25170312-20150405154828

WARNING: This may be painful to read. Please sit in a comfy chair or on a soft cushion.

Everything in this story is illogical and nonsensical, from the plot to the main character's thought process. No one in their right minds would think things like ''“They’re adults. They know what’s best for us. I think it’s only right if I use it" in regards to a suicide machine. ''So what's best for you is to kill yourself? And no one would leave a device like that just sitting around for someone else to use, especially with a four year old nearby.

More issues include you still having your cell phone, the ridiculous description of the gangs, kids more worried about being mugged than being forced to commit suicide, and then there this line: ''Anyways, he didn’t really go over that option too much and kind of made it sound like you had to use the suicide things. ''This line shows that you are a very lazy writer. You're just casually describing a situation that involves your imminent death. Really, this sums up the entire thing.

At the end you tell us it was a dream and try to explain to us how mysterious and deep it is, which makes it even worse. Maybe if you told us at the beginning that it was a dream it might excuse how nonsensical it is, but only a teeny tiny bit. All that stuff at the end just made my eyes roll and wouldn't even hold up if the pasta was amazing.