Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-34823985-20180714064900/@comment-9041013-20180714092435

Brother Kolpik, I knew you'd come!

Ahh, the story itself is kind of lackluster, it feels forced through and through. Something is clearly off about this one, maybe you weren't entirely focused on it, or perhaps the Holders are taking effect on your psyche finally. Obviously something did not click.

In all seriousness, there's a bunch of styling issues here; why is Carl referring to the timeframe during which he goes home as "night" when you mention it starting in the afternoon. Switch it up to evening. I think "Preparedness" has a more of a connotation based sound to it, it's more commonly used in the context of sciences and war and the like, so perhaps switch up that whole sentence. You don't have to include idioms, word plays and common qoutes to come off as a good writer.

"It seemed quite odd to him that he'd already walked so far in just a couple of minutes, but his calculation of just how much time had elapsed changed when the Sun disappeared behind the tall trees in the distance that bordered the neighborhood." - Yoda understands not simplify sentence the you.

Also, the part in which you go on about how the sounds sound to cut the sentence off for Carl's personal thought on the subject it kind of wrong, it felt weird on my tongue when I read it. I suggest you describe the sounds to the audience in a way that could be called simply as "Moaning" in a person's mind and then follow up with Carl's thought in stead of cutting the sentence out.

The story itself isn't bad, but the styling you gave it, so weird. I feel like Yoda...

I do like the idea though.