Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-25180415-20140715033425/@comment-9967354-20140720103038

My suggestion to add to the story was so that the entries seemed like they were purposed for something more than recording the change in the narrator. It's perfectly okay to want to keep the story short, though. So I'm going to drop that entirely.

I didn't find any grammatical errors in the second revision, and that's a good thing. -A really good thing. However, not unlike the first edition, the protagonist is fully aware of himself turning into a bit of a beast. Maybe you could hint this more subtly, rather than stating it outright (leaving me an empty shell lacking humanity). And maybe fin. shouldn't be there at the end. If he doesn't intend to write in his journal again, he could just say so. And then maybe in the beginning you could add that he read his previous entries because this would be his last, and isn't writing all of this at that moment. It's evident, of course, but it'll probably help.

Your last revision changes quite a bit of the narration. I think I prefer the journal entries. Here, we have titles given to paragraphs, because they are in bold and everything. The ellipses hinder the flow of the story. I'm sure the pasta would do fine while broken up in entries. The titles are a bit confusing.