Board Thread:Writer's Workshop/@comment-27405707-20151215214133/@comment-26512885-20151219012505

Hi, Im going to be rather blunt here. I feel the main problem with your story is your style of writting, currently the story was struggling to hold my attention and as such I found myself drifting and having to glance back to remind my self of what was going on.

You include what i'd call a thorough introduction, this is often a good thing as it can be used to add depth to your story and characters. However its important to keep the story moving in someway or make it humourous, chilling etc as the story demands. Currently its just a tad slow. If your unsure how to remedy this listen to Barraska on mr creepypastas channel, It ultimately doesnt have loads happening until towards the end. However, the main difeerence is it entices and intriges listeners with humour and mystery, keeping your interested and listening/ reading.

Im beginning to waffle so Ill stop here, hope this helps. ( dont be disscouraged by the way, this is a damn site better than my first attempts)