Talk:Drunk Tank/@comment-32683598-20170725213337/@comment-32683598-20170726033109

Ok forgot to spell check the last comment. You got me. That was silly of me. Apologies.

The reason I, and others in the comments are trying to inject reality is because YOU put it there. If you had made this about some other world where alcohol was an unknown quantity and they were dealing with this huge crisis it would be one thing. If you had made some sort of mechanical or magical twisting or our world or called this a universe not quite our own where the laws of reality are different then sure it would have been fine. But you are using real earth terms and real conditions and diseases and situations. You are injecting reality at every turn. Because this otherwise feels so real, is the reason that I have a problem with the story.

As for immersion....immersion is what allows the reader to empathize with the character. To feel like they are in the story. Immersion is what gets a reader emotionally involved and makes them want to keep reading. It's not scary if you can't immerse yourself into the characters and feel their desperation, their fear. That is the reason that you jump in a scary movie. That is the reason that you cry when a character does. It is the golden ring. The prize for a writer to get a reader so immersed they forget about the real world and live your reality. It is important to the life of a story.

The difference between this piece and Dogscape is this: in Dogscape the people and situations are real but the environment isn't. They remember earth the way it was but they are in a wholly made up environment. Something that...as far as we know, doesn't exist. We have no frame of reference other than what the author provides for us. Our link to our own reality is in the memories of the characters. We learn about the environment as the characters do. They are not talking about real place or real situations. You are saying it's a fantasy world but unless someone read this whole long chain of back and forth commentary they would not know that. So the only reference you supply the reader is reality.

And the glaringly obvious answer to all of these people's problems prevents our emersion. Our ability to be in the mindset of the characters. To put it bluntly...you are cockblocking the reader.

As an aside this will be my last comment on this. If what I have said so far doesn't make sense to you then nothing else I say will. I will of course read any replies. But like a black jack player I think I will stand with the cards I have.

I do hope to see more from you in the future. You have a terrible and wonderful imagination.

Thank you for your consideration.