11,293
pages
ALL POSTSNew Project
<p>It's that time again. This one will be short and sweet. I got the beginning worked out, so I'll send that in to see how it's coming along.
</p><p>The story is about a man who wakes up one day to find a burning bush in his house and a familiar voice inside his head (wink wink wink). I want the beginning to read like a black comedy, but in the middle, it'll take a turn for the macabre as the protagonist is forced to commit atrocity after atrocity in the name of God. The story is comprised solely of dialogue between him and Him and the protagonist's ramblings.
</p><p>Here it goes. Hope you like:
</p><p>“Hello!”
</p><p>“Hello?”
</p><p>“Hey.”
</p><p>“Yeah?”
</p><p>“Show some goddamn respect. You’re talking to God here, sonny.”
</p><p>“Wait, what the fuck?”
</p><p>“Now get the fuck up and make some bread and jam. We got some philanthropy to do.”
</p><p>In a cold sweat, I shot out of bed like Evil Kenevil out of his mum’s clit. Sure enough, I woke up to a burning fucking bush inside my home. Fuck my retinas, I’m blind. Thank God God cured me before my eyes could adjust to eternal darkness. The touch was kinda funky; warm and wet. Icky.
</p><p>Took a hot holy water shower immediately after. Of course I couldn’t masturbate like always, what with God’s eyes feeling me up my cavity.
</p><p>“Dude, you should totally get that checked,” He says as I use my compensatory-backscratcher to ease the itching of a nasty laceration on my hands and wrists.
“Shut the fuck up,” I say, narrowly dodging a bolt of lightning that sears through my neighbor’s head.
</p><p>Haven’t I seen someone strung up on a telephone pole with a similar wound? Anyway, I was feeling kinda sore from the night before, so don’t fucking judge me for using a backscratcher of all things. You pussies.
</p><p>The piece of junk was given to me by my dying father. He said it was “for protection!” I just assumed it was a backscratcher ‘cause it looked like a stick. It was far more likely than a dildo, right? My father wouldn’t need that shit to get by his lonely nights.
</p><p>Would he?
</p><p>Anyway, the handle was awkward enough for a backscratcher, so I figured nobody would use a dildo with a horizontal beam that literally blocks the stick from going in any further. It would probably be painful having it pry your cheeks apart. Such wasted potential, right?
</p><p>I’m going on a wild tangent. Fuck.
</p><p>I suppose nobody would blame me, considering I’m tripping out, talking to God and shit. I still dunno if it’s an illusion or not. I mean, fantasy can only go on for so long, right?
</p><p>I hung my trusty backscratcher above my bed for protection and swiftly departed, eyes still on me. In me.
</p><p>I tell ya, having your heart read ain’t no joy. And neither is having the marrow separated from your bones, in my neighbor’s case.
</p><p>In all fairness, I left a few flowers on his doorstep in memoriam. I also pollinated his wife's flower for him. He led a noble life.
</p>
<hr><p>... As you can see, slow build-up. It'll kick off soon enough, but this is what I have. I really wanted to show an end to the ordinary in this one, as well as pseudo-commentary on our (typical) lives. Comments and critiques, maybe?
</p><p>BTW, ignore the initial posting error please. ;p
</p>
(Edited by Necrosanity)
<p>Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid?
</p>
(Edited by Ecuinach The Liar)
<div class="quote"><i>GraydonL wrote:
Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid?</i></div>
<p>Probably both :p nah, just kiddin', Graydon, love ya. </p><p>Anyways, the story. I'd like to agree with Graydon that this is an interesting idea, but jeez, that's a lot of curse words. Seeing as how this is a "supposed" connection with God, that's pretty offensive. I'm not an intense Christian (I'd like to go to church more, but we just don't have the gas), but still... </p><p>I also don't understand the ending. Yes, he killed his neighbors. Is that what's so uberspooky? I'm not really sure. Also, this: </p><p><span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">"I shot out of bed like Evil Kenevil out of his mum’s clit."</span> </p><p><span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">That's a pretty hilarious image, but I think we have <i>some </i>standards here, man. I'm interested in seeing what this could turn into, but maybe tone it down with the cursing and make the ending more clear.</span> </p>
Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid?</i></div>
<p>Probably both :p nah, just kiddin', Graydon, love ya. </p><p>Anyways, the story. I'd like to agree with Graydon that this is an interesting idea, but jeez, that's a lot of curse words. Seeing as how this is a "supposed" connection with God, that's pretty offensive. I'm not an intense Christian (I'd like to go to church more, but we just don't have the gas), but still... </p><p>I also don't understand the ending. Yes, he killed his neighbors. Is that what's so uberspooky? I'm not really sure. Also, this: </p><p><span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">"I shot out of bed like Evil Kenevil out of his mum’s clit."</span> </p><p><span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">That's a pretty hilarious image, but I think we have <i>some </i>standards here, man. I'm interested in seeing what this could turn into, but maybe tone it down with the cursing and make the ending more clear.</span> </p>
(Edited by Indefinitesilence)
<div class="quote"><i>
<p>Indefinitesilence wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">GraydonL wrote:
Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid?</i></div>
<p>Probably both :p nah, just kiddin', Graydon, love ya. </p><p>Anyways, the story. I'd like to agree with Graydon that this is an interesting idea, but jeez, that's a lot of curse words. Seeing as how this is a "supposed" connection with God, that's pretty offensive. I'm not an intense Christian (I'd like to go to church more, but we just don't have the gas), but still... </p><p>I also don't understand the ending. Yes, he killed his neighbors. Is that what's so uberspooky? I'm not really sure. Also, this: </p><p><span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">"I shot out of bed like Evil Kenevil out of his mum’s clit."</span> </p><p><span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">That's a pretty hilarious image, but I think we have <i>some </i>standards here, man. I'm interested in seeing what this could turn into, but maybe tone it down with the cursing and make the ending more clear.</span> </p> </div> <p>That ain't the absolute ending. Keep in mind this is still in-production. But yeah, I chose to write up until some sort of "bridge," or intermission. Killing his neighbor honestly wasn't even what I had in mind. I mean more "burning down an orphanage" or "cutting off the tongue of a political leader." The atmosphere will get much more demented and desperate then. </p><p>I was planning on "justifying" the excessive profanity as God's way of "leveling" with him -- that is, a communication that would be comfortable and familiar. It fits into his current lifestyle. Which would sound like a logical choice for God Himself. He must be aware of his absolute power, correct? </p><p>So it'll be much better than, say, God's "actual" voice rupturing all his blood vessels, collapsing an entire city block, and leveling quite a few mountains. If God used his "mother tongue," chances are our dear protagonist either would go off the deep end or... cease to exist right then and there. Not much of a story, eh? </p><p>And logic dictates that as soon as they hit the streets for commoner life, their speech etiquette will become much more refined to accommodate the presence of <i>everybody else</i>. He can't afford to yell "Shut the fuck up" while his boss gives a motivational speech -- he'll be endangering everybody else with a nifty bolt of lightning. And of course he'll be fuckin' incinerated by a much less divine source. </p><p>He's a sensible one, yeah? </p>
Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid?</i></div>
<p>Probably both :p nah, just kiddin', Graydon, love ya. </p><p>Anyways, the story. I'd like to agree with Graydon that this is an interesting idea, but jeez, that's a lot of curse words. Seeing as how this is a "supposed" connection with God, that's pretty offensive. I'm not an intense Christian (I'd like to go to church more, but we just don't have the gas), but still... </p><p>I also don't understand the ending. Yes, he killed his neighbors. Is that what's so uberspooky? I'm not really sure. Also, this: </p><p><span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">"I shot out of bed like Evil Kenevil out of his mum’s clit."</span> </p><p><span style="color:rgb(212,212,213);">That's a pretty hilarious image, but I think we have <i>some </i>standards here, man. I'm interested in seeing what this could turn into, but maybe tone it down with the cursing and make the ending more clear.</span> </p> </div> <p>That ain't the absolute ending. Keep in mind this is still in-production. But yeah, I chose to write up until some sort of "bridge," or intermission. Killing his neighbor honestly wasn't even what I had in mind. I mean more "burning down an orphanage" or "cutting off the tongue of a political leader." The atmosphere will get much more demented and desperate then. </p><p>I was planning on "justifying" the excessive profanity as God's way of "leveling" with him -- that is, a communication that would be comfortable and familiar. It fits into his current lifestyle. Which would sound like a logical choice for God Himself. He must be aware of his absolute power, correct? </p><p>So it'll be much better than, say, God's "actual" voice rupturing all his blood vessels, collapsing an entire city block, and leveling quite a few mountains. If God used his "mother tongue," chances are our dear protagonist either would go off the deep end or... cease to exist right then and there. Not much of a story, eh? </p><p>And logic dictates that as soon as they hit the streets for commoner life, their speech etiquette will become much more refined to accommodate the presence of <i>everybody else</i>. He can't afford to yell "Shut the fuck up" while his boss gives a motivational speech -- he'll be endangering everybody else with a nifty bolt of lightning. And of course he'll be fuckin' incinerated by a much less divine source. </p><p>He's a sensible one, yeah? </p>
(Edited by Necrosanity)
<div class="quote"><i>
<p>GraydonL wrote:
Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid?
</p>
</i></div>
<p>Where? More power to me. c: </p>
<p>Where? More power to me. c: </p>
(Edited by Necrosanity)
<div class="quote"><i>
<p>Necrosanity wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">
<p>GraydonL wrote:
Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid?
</p>
</i></div>
<p>Where? More power to me. c: </p> </div> <p>"Haven’t I seen someone strung up on a telephone pole with a similar wound?" </p>
<p>Where? More power to me. c: </p> </div> <p>"Haven’t I seen someone strung up on a telephone pole with a similar wound?" </p>
(Edited by Ecuinach The Liar)
<div class="quote"><i>
<p>GraydonL wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">
<p>Necrosanity wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">
<p>GraydonL wrote:
Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid?
</p>
</i></div>
<p>Where? More power to me. c: </p> </div> <p>"Haven’t I seen someone strung up on a telephone pole with a similar wound?" </p> </div> <p>Nope. I was getting at stigmata. The "telephone pole" was the stake Jesus was executed on. Evidently, he had seen paintings depicting Jesus' crucifixion. </p><p>But it'd work nice as an unintentional reference. Extra points for me~ </p>
<p>Where? More power to me. c: </p> </div> <p>"Haven’t I seen someone strung up on a telephone pole with a similar wound?" </p> </div> <p>Nope. I was getting at stigmata. The "telephone pole" was the stake Jesus was executed on. Evidently, he had seen paintings depicting Jesus' crucifixion. </p><p>But it'd work nice as an unintentional reference. Extra points for me~ </p>
(Edited by Necrosanity)
<div class="quote"><i>Necrosanity wrote:
<div class="quote"> <p>GraydonL wrote: </p> <div class="quote"> <p>Necrosanity wrote: </p> <div class="quote"> <p>GraydonL wrote: Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid? </p> </i></div>
Where? More power to me. c: </div>"Haven’t I seen someone strung up on a telephone pole with a similar wound?" </div>Nope. I was getting at stigmata. The "telephone pole" was the stake Jesus was executed on. Evidently, he had seen paintings depicting Jesus' crucifixion. <p>But it'd work nice as an unintentional reference. Extra points for me~ </p> </div> <p>Speaking of which, it'd be nice to see what you thought of that. Feedback always helps. (wink wink nudge nudge) </p>
<div class="quote"> <p>GraydonL wrote: </p> <div class="quote"> <p>Necrosanity wrote: </p> <div class="quote"> <p>GraydonL wrote: Really intresting concept. Also, was that a reference to Hanging Man Hill in there, or am I just stupid? </p> </i></div>
Where? More power to me. c: </div>"Haven’t I seen someone strung up on a telephone pole with a similar wound?" </div>Nope. I was getting at stigmata. The "telephone pole" was the stake Jesus was executed on. Evidently, he had seen paintings depicting Jesus' crucifixion. <p>But it'd work nice as an unintentional reference. Extra points for me~ </p> </div> <p>Speaking of which, it'd be nice to see what you thought of that. Feedback always helps. (wink wink nudge nudge) </p>
(Edited by Indefinitesilence)