<p>I thought this might go a little further than the other story i wrote The Man in the Black Suit.
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<p style="text-align: center; margin:0cm0cm10pt;text-align:center;">Why you should run</p>
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<p style="margin:0cm0cm10pt;">I’m running. I hear its breath. It’s further away than before now. It will catch me eventually though, because it always catches its prey. It could be after you as well. They are more of them. Though I can’t give you an exact number, all I know is that there is more than the human race combined. They can become us. They are everywhere, and anyone. From the officer that worked on your murder case, to the guy that lives next door. They could even be your dog. They get everything someday. </p>
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<p style="margin:0cm0cm10pt;">Humans are supposed to be immortal, but these things thrive on our existence. I can’t tell you what they actually look like, I have trouble finding words to describe the sheer horror I felt when I saw it. One thing you must know, never try to fight. They are older than the earth itself. They can kill by just a single touch. Only some people manage to record them. They usually call them some pretty famous words like Satan, The Grim Reaper or even Fallen Angel. Let me tell you a little story, no, let me tell you a fact about life. There is no heaven, no hope, no courage and no chance of survival when they are after you. You can only see them when you are supposed to die. That’s why they’re after me. </p>
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<p style="margin:0cm0cm10pt;">I was in a car crash and sustained some serious injury. Nonetheless I survived. I was happy, until I saw it. Now I’m on the run for my life. I better keep on running; it’s starting to get closer. I’m running again and its breathing is getting louder. I think there’s more than one. I take a hard turn left and hear the noise of claws scratching against brick. I’ve been running so long, I don’t think that this should be my life. I will eventually die anyway. This is the only way to keep them from catching everyone else. Make myself a massive target for all of them. remember one thing, if you face a near death experience, head home, grab everything that you need and run. It’s the only way out. I see a light up ahead. I reach the centre of the arena. Remember this record because this is why you should run.</p>
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<p style="margin:0cm0cm10pt;"><span>News Report Excerpt from a local news agency </span></p>
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<p style="margin:0cm0cm10pt;">A young teenage girl was found dead with a knife stuck in her chest. Police suspect foul play was involved, but friends and family says she was very depressed after her car crash. An eye witness said they saw the girl struggle out of the car and start running really fast. The witness also says he saw a man start to follow. Police are currently debating if the death was suicide or murder. Results will be posted soon. Police ask anyone with information to come forward and present it. </p>
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<p style="margin:0cm0cm10pt;">Note found on body. It reads:</p>
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<p style="margin:0cm0cm10pt;"><i>Remember, Always Run!</i></p>
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<p style="margin:0cm0cm10pt;">The rest is stained in blood.</p>
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ALL POSTS
<p>Some continuity issues here. When you make your protag die then it is difficult to justify them telling the story. You could have incorporated this into the note. Could have ended with her hiding. I am also not a fan of the news real ending. What you could try is telling this backwards. Begin with the news real and her death, then follow her back to the car accident and the first time she saw it. That would be interesting.
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(Edited by Demuerto)
<p>Thanks for the info working on it straight away
</p><p>Kind Regards
</p><p>Phil Raptor
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(Edited by Phil Raptor)
<p>Basically i should put the news real at the start, the police evidence underneath it and make her talk about why she's running last (as in the car accident, the facts and then the other stuff)? i'm sorry if this sounds weird but right now i'm about confused. you points are being worked on, i'm just trying to find out what you mean by backwards.
</p><p>Kind Regards
</p><p>Phil Raptor
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(Edited by Phil Raptor)
<p>After reading your story, I noted some aspects of the story that could be improved on. The first thing I saw is how the protagonist describes the beings (presumably Death), and why she is writing this warning. Especially when she first encountered "Death," I feel should be described more of what she saw from that event, and what made it terrifying. Some imagery could help the reader visualize the beings.
</p><p>Also there are continuity errors I've spotted like where did she write this record if she was running away. Did she write it in a notebook, blog post, or some text file on her phone? If it was a warning, to whom was this addressed to? The news excerpt doesn't seem fully authentic of what you will see from a local newspaper article.
</p><p>Some last notes that could improve the story is to visualize being in the protagonist's shoes. What would frantic teenage girl write if she was chased down by beings that resemble Death?
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(Edited by Sloshedtrain)