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<p>This is actually written very well.
</p><p>There are a few grammar inconsistencies I noticed, but nothing that can't be easily fixed.
</p><p>Also, I think you should tweak the demon's personality a bit better. It sounds entirely too superficial with how he talks. For example, when he says "Take good care of her, sport". That sounds like something a grandparent may say (no offense). The demon needs to be more menacing. From my experience it is less of what someone/something says than what you write to describe them (don't go overboard either; just enough to make the reader feel uneasy). Sure, the demon can have some dialogue, but make it more limited and focus more on the surroundings and how the protagonist reacts to it; the clink of the chain, the mother's desperate wheezing sounds etc.
</p><p>To be honest, your description of the mother was more scarier than the demon. A mentally challenged mother in hell being led around by a demon. That's really fucking creepy and you should maybe focus more on that.
</p><p>Anyway, a reader's imagination can paint very unsettling pictures. It's up to you to provide the outlines for them to "color inside" of them. Hopefully that makes sense.
</p><p>Besides those things, I don't see why this can't be up on the site. Good job.
</p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>Jay ten wrote:
</p>
<div class="floatleft">File:Princess pete.jpg</i></div>
</div> <p>How did I sense Jay would put this up?? XD </p>
</div> <p>How did I sense Jay would put this up?? XD </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<p>If it's by you? Yes please. Keep going. Also, the title is my favorite Slayer album :)
</p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<p><span class="support">
Support -</span> I guess. But leaning away a bit still. As long as the guidelines are stuck to, it might have a shot. If not? It's going to turn into a circus.
</p>
Support -</span> I guess. But leaning away a bit still. As long as the guidelines are stuck to, it might have a shot. If not? It's going to turn into a circus.
</p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>LOLSKELETONS wrote:
Hmm...good point. This thread is getting pretty long.
</p><p>Edit: ninaja'd
</p>
</i></div>
<div class="quote"><i> <p>Mystreve wrote: </p> You or Dupin should just make a new thread to avoid confusion and to stay focused on the proposal.</i></div>
<p>What. I. Was. Trying. To. Say. </p><p>//bangs head against desk// </p><p>lol </p>
<div class="quote"><i> <p>Mystreve wrote: </p> You or Dupin should just make a new thread to avoid confusion and to stay focused on the proposal.</i></div>
<p>What. I. Was. Trying. To. Say. </p><p>//bangs head against desk// </p><p>lol </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>LOLSKELETONS wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">
<p>Mystreve wrote:
Just as long as you plan to do it that way, fine. In other words, don't just add the new feature based on the votes you get <i>here</i> (as you pretty much already said you wouldn't). Since this would be a rather large addition to the site if passed, I'd want the masses to have eyes on it via a highlighted thread with the idea in the OP (unlike this one). </p> </i></div>
<p>That's why I said "official" proposal. This is just an idea. </p> </div> <p>And that's why I said "pretty much" lol. When people see other people putting those vote templates up, sometimes they think it's official. </p><p>Splitting hairs. </p>
Just as long as you plan to do it that way, fine. In other words, don't just add the new feature based on the votes you get <i>here</i> (as you pretty much already said you wouldn't). Since this would be a rather large addition to the site if passed, I'd want the masses to have eyes on it via a highlighted thread with the idea in the OP (unlike this one). </p> </i></div>
<p>That's why I said "official" proposal. This is just an idea. </p> </div> <p>And that's why I said "pretty much" lol. When people see other people putting those vote templates up, sometimes they think it's official. </p><p>Splitting hairs. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>LOLSKELETONS wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">
<p>Mystreve wrote:
You or Dupin should just make a new thread to avoid confusion and to stay focused on the proposal. </p><p>Honestly, I think this is going to wind up being a bloated mess if passed. Shall see. </p> </i></div>
<p>I'm keeping it in this thread for now to gauge people's opinions. I might consider making it an "official" proposal later. </p> </div> <p>Just as long as you plan to do it that way, fine. In other words, don't just add the new feature based on the votes you get <i>here</i> (as you pretty much already said you wouldn't). Since this would be a rather large addition to the site if passed, I'd want the masses to have eyes on it via a highlighted thread with the idea in the OP (unlike this one). </p>
You or Dupin should just make a new thread to avoid confusion and to stay focused on the proposal. </p><p>Honestly, I think this is going to wind up being a bloated mess if passed. Shall see. </p> </i></div>
<p>I'm keeping it in this thread for now to gauge people's opinions. I might consider making it an "official" proposal later. </p> </div> <p>Just as long as you plan to do it that way, fine. In other words, don't just add the new feature based on the votes you get <i>here</i> (as you pretty much already said you wouldn't). Since this would be a rather large addition to the site if passed, I'd want the masses to have eyes on it via a highlighted thread with the idea in the OP (unlike this one). </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>LOLSKELETONS wrote:
</p>
<h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Writer.27s_Showcase_Forum_Rules_.28rough_sketch.29">Writer's Showcase Forum Rules (rough sketch)</span></h3>
<p>You or Dupin should just make a new thread to avoid confusion and to stay focused on the proposal. </p><p>Honestly, I think this is going to wind up being a bloated mess if passed. Shall see. </p>
- Story must be on the main site. <i>[Insert brief instructions on how to create pages here]</i>
- Story must be linked at the top of the thread (in the body, not the title), like this:
[[Story title]]
Also, the text of the story must be copy/pasted into the OP. - It it <i>highly recommended</i> that you put it through the Writer's Workshop first, although it is not necessarily required.
- If your story is deleted on the main site, your forum post will also be removed.
- Unfinished stories will be removed.
<p>You or Dupin should just make a new thread to avoid confusion and to stay focused on the proposal. </p><p>Honestly, I think this is going to wind up being a bloated mess if passed. Shall see. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>MrDupin wrote:
</p>
Do you really think that if something is good, it is guaranteed to get recognision? Maybe, in a perfect world.</i></div>
<p>No, I don't. But I think it has a better chance over complete garbage if marketed correctly. </p> <div class="quote"><i> <p>MrDupin wrote: </p> Also, are you really suggesting that users should go rogue about promoting their stuff? Because that's what you are basically saying. </i></div>
<p>And? </p> <div class="quote"><i> <p>MrDupin wrote: </p> You have become so detached from the regular user that you can't even see this.</i></div>
<p>And you sir, have balls of iron for insinuating this. </p><p>Do you even know the amount of material we admins have to sift through on a daily basis here to make sure we have up to snuff material? Do you know the amount of upset people we deal with daily, insisting the well-below quality work they submit is better than the next Stephen King novel (I'm sure we'll see lots of them in your proposed new idea's submissions too)? The new stories we have to <i>read everyday</i> that people submit, whether we like the stories or not? Sorry if that seems detached from a "regular user" (whatever the hell that means; this is a community, not Nazi Germany). </p><p>Anyway, this is going off-topic and I'm not getting into a pissing match with you over it. If you want to propose the idea in a thread, go ahead. Just make sure <i>everything</i> is explained clearly. </p> <div class="quote"><i> <p>Banningk1979 wrote: </p><p>I think we are on to something with the 'Writer's Showcase' concept as well. I feel like this would be a positive step in assisting writers in getting exposure, while still maintain our core values as a literature community. </p> </i></div>
<p>My whole problem with this, is that I can see it becoming the next Writer's Workshop (which has a purpose and it serves very well). Everyone and their second cousin twice-removed are going to be flooding it with stories, then geting upset because it gets buried with the other stories coming in. In short, it would eat up a lot of bandwidth with stories that <i>are already on the site.</i> </p><p>Look, we already have a front page now with <i>three</i> stories on it. Being an amateur writer myself, I'd <i>love</i> to get more people to read my stuff too. The fact remains though (as you said and practice what you say), it's the writer's responsibility to get their stuff out there. </p>
<p>No, I don't. But I think it has a better chance over complete garbage if marketed correctly. </p> <div class="quote"><i> <p>MrDupin wrote: </p> Also, are you really suggesting that users should go rogue about promoting their stuff? Because that's what you are basically saying. </i></div>
<p>And? </p> <div class="quote"><i> <p>MrDupin wrote: </p> You have become so detached from the regular user that you can't even see this.</i></div>
<p>And you sir, have balls of iron for insinuating this. </p><p>Do you even know the amount of material we admins have to sift through on a daily basis here to make sure we have up to snuff material? Do you know the amount of upset people we deal with daily, insisting the well-below quality work they submit is better than the next Stephen King novel (I'm sure we'll see lots of them in your proposed new idea's submissions too)? The new stories we have to <i>read everyday</i> that people submit, whether we like the stories or not? Sorry if that seems detached from a "regular user" (whatever the hell that means; this is a community, not Nazi Germany). </p><p>Anyway, this is going off-topic and I'm not getting into a pissing match with you over it. If you want to propose the idea in a thread, go ahead. Just make sure <i>everything</i> is explained clearly. </p> <div class="quote"><i> <p>Banningk1979 wrote: </p><p>I think we are on to something with the 'Writer's Showcase' concept as well. I feel like this would be a positive step in assisting writers in getting exposure, while still maintain our core values as a literature community. </p> </i></div>
<p>My whole problem with this, is that I can see it becoming the next Writer's Workshop (which has a purpose and it serves very well). Everyone and their second cousin twice-removed are going to be flooding it with stories, then geting upset because it gets buried with the other stories coming in. In short, it would eat up a lot of bandwidth with stories that <i>are already on the site.</i> </p><p>Look, we already have a front page now with <i>three</i> stories on it. Being an amateur writer myself, I'd <i>love</i> to get more people to read my stuff too. The fact remains though (as you said and practice what you say), it's the writer's responsibility to get their stuff out there. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>MrDupin wrote:
</p><p>Also, what about a 'Writer's Showcase' section on the forums? A place where writers would put their (finished) stories to get a bit more exposure and ideally reviews. Almost all sites with a creative community have that, so why don't we do it too?
</p><p>So, we have 'Writer's Workshop' for unfinished stories and we can have 'Writer's Showcase' (or something) for finished stories.
</p>
</i></div>
<p>Finished stories go on the main site along with the rest of them. Period. We'd have a lot of pissed-off users wanting their story that's been possibly unrecognized, and buried in the site for a while saying "Hey! What about mine??" </p><p>If your work is good and you feel strongly about it, then go and promote it yourself. We're not here to hold your hand. The work should speak for itself and if you want it recognized, do the legwork. There are ways to promote it too. Whether it be your blog, mentioning something about it in a chatroom, or if it just gets around by word of mouth, it's <i>your</i> responsibility to make your work stand out and be known. </p>
<p>Finished stories go on the main site along with the rest of them. Period. We'd have a lot of pissed-off users wanting their story that's been possibly unrecognized, and buried in the site for a while saying "Hey! What about mine??" </p><p>If your work is good and you feel strongly about it, then go and promote it yourself. We're not here to hold your hand. The work should speak for itself and if you want it recognized, do the legwork. There are ways to promote it too. Whether it be your blog, mentioning something about it in a chatroom, or if it just gets around by word of mouth, it's <i>your</i> responsibility to make your work stand out and be known. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<p>Although there is nothing in the body of the story to warrant a NSFW label or ToU-deletion, I think the title of the story needs to be changed. Many people would see it and be offended and move on.
</p><p>Beside that, it was an interesting read.
</p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>MrDupin wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">LOLSKELETONS wrote:
Yeah, PotM has always been a broken system. The idea is for the community to select the best pastas each month, but in practice it's just sort of a popularity contest where quality isn't always guaranteed.</i></div>
<p>Then why don't we change it?
</p> </div> <p>Because, although the system might not be popular in your and other users' eyes, this is <i>still</i> a community. The vote allows all of our users to have a say on what gets plastered to the front page. Is this a completely air-tight system? Of course not. But it still empowers the users here. I'd also like to point out that we screen the stories that are submitted as PotM for quality i.e. we don't let stories that are terrible get on the vote template. </p><p>Your idea for having PotM as a pasta submitted <i>that</i> month is very flawed. Hypotheically, let's say we have one month where nothing but second-rate stories that barely meet QS are submitted. If we changed the rule to your proposition, we'd have to have a subpar piece of work on our front page. Ehh...no thanks. </p><p>Also, I have to disagree with what you said with allowing more than one nomination per user. This bloats the ever-living Christ out of the nominations page. One story per user, per month is fine how it is. No need to nominate more than one story. Wait until next month. </p><p>In short, I'm glad you came in with some ideas here, but sadly it's nothing that hasn't been debated and combed over before. </p>
Yeah, PotM has always been a broken system. The idea is for the community to select the best pastas each month, but in practice it's just sort of a popularity contest where quality isn't always guaranteed.</i></div>
<p>Then why don't we change it?
</p> </div> <p>Because, although the system might not be popular in your and other users' eyes, this is <i>still</i> a community. The vote allows all of our users to have a say on what gets plastered to the front page. Is this a completely air-tight system? Of course not. But it still empowers the users here. I'd also like to point out that we screen the stories that are submitted as PotM for quality i.e. we don't let stories that are terrible get on the vote template. </p><p>Your idea for having PotM as a pasta submitted <i>that</i> month is very flawed. Hypotheically, let's say we have one month where nothing but second-rate stories that barely meet QS are submitted. If we changed the rule to your proposition, we'd have to have a subpar piece of work on our front page. Ehh...no thanks. </p><p>Also, I have to disagree with what you said with allowing more than one nomination per user. This bloats the ever-living Christ out of the nominations page. One story per user, per month is fine how it is. No need to nominate more than one story. Wait until next month. </p><p>In short, I'm glad you came in with some ideas here, but sadly it's nothing that hasn't been debated and combed over before. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<p>Good to see all your ideas here, guys. Keep it up. I think I'll give this about a week more, then go through and scoop up the ideas. As a reminder (since my OP is miles up there now), I will gather the ideas and make a vote thread with all subjects you guys presented.
</p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>The-one123 wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">Mystreve wrote:
<div class="quote"> <p>The17thdoctor508 wrote: well torture stories do comwe in handy, it should have a dark feel to it, i read a little horror at leat the base story line should be some type of torture even if not fatal dont u agree? </p> </i></div>
I hate to take the wind out of your sails here, but torture doesn't make or break a story in the genre of horror. Ever hear of imagination? Sometimes what the author doesn't tell you will just be enough to scare you a zillion times more than a charming documentary on the finer points of kneecap extractment. Why should people have to sit through several paragraphs of mindless violence? There's zero appeal there unless you <i>really do</i> have real-life issues (not saying you do, just trying to make a point). <p>Also, remember that this is a community-based project. Many people may not agree with your extreme idea. </p> </div> <p>Exactualy, nobody here really wants to do that kind of thing, torture isnt scary or creepy its disturbing. there is a wikia for those stories called the troubled wikia. go there to post your story.
</p> </div> <p>Thanks, but no thanks. </p>
<div class="quote"> <p>The17thdoctor508 wrote: well torture stories do comwe in handy, it should have a dark feel to it, i read a little horror at leat the base story line should be some type of torture even if not fatal dont u agree? </p> </i></div>
I hate to take the wind out of your sails here, but torture doesn't make or break a story in the genre of horror. Ever hear of imagination? Sometimes what the author doesn't tell you will just be enough to scare you a zillion times more than a charming documentary on the finer points of kneecap extractment. Why should people have to sit through several paragraphs of mindless violence? There's zero appeal there unless you <i>really do</i> have real-life issues (not saying you do, just trying to make a point). <p>Also, remember that this is a community-based project. Many people may not agree with your extreme idea. </p> </div> <p>Exactualy, nobody here really wants to do that kind of thing, torture isnt scary or creepy its disturbing. there is a wikia for those stories called the troubled wikia. go there to post your story.
</p> </div> <p>Thanks, but no thanks. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>The17thdoctor508 wrote:
well torture stories do comwe in handy, it should have a dark feel to it, i read a little horror at leat the base story line should be some type of torture even if not fatal dont u agree?
</p>
</i></div>
<p>I hate to take the wind out of your sails here, but torture doesn't make or break a story in the genre of horror. Ever hear of imagination? Sometimes what the author doesn't tell you will just be enough to scare you a zillion times more than a charming documentary on the finer points of kneecap extractment. Why should people have to sit through several paragraphs of mindless violence? There's zero appeal there unless you <i>really do</i> have real-life issues (not saying you do, just trying to make a point). </p><p>Also, remember that this is a community-based project. Many people may not agree with your extreme idea. </p>
<p>I hate to take the wind out of your sails here, but torture doesn't make or break a story in the genre of horror. Ever hear of imagination? Sometimes what the author doesn't tell you will just be enough to scare you a zillion times more than a charming documentary on the finer points of kneecap extractment. Why should people have to sit through several paragraphs of mindless violence? There's zero appeal there unless you <i>really do</i> have real-life issues (not saying you do, just trying to make a point). </p><p>Also, remember that this is a community-based project. Many people may not agree with your extreme idea. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>The17thdoctor508 wrote:
I know it's sick but also scary what about the molestation or torture of kids in very high detail?
</p>
</i></div>
<p>Absolutely not. </p>
<p>Absolutely not. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)
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<div class="quote"><i>
<p>LOLSKELETONS wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">
<p>Mystreve wrote:
</p>
<div class="quote">
<p>LOLSKELETONS wrote:
Why don't we just front page it like we did for the "Damn Fine Pasta" contest winner? That was part of the original plan for this project, IIRC. "Teacher Wanted" has been featured for well over a month now anyway, so we might as well switch it out with something new.
</p>
</i></div>
<p>I hear what you're saying, but too late. People have already voted for it. </p> </div> <p>Shit, forgot it was the 15th already. </p><p>It's still pretty early in the voting, though, so we could just re-set the poll with little harm done. To be honest, I think it sort of has an unfair advantage; I mean, you created and highlighted a whole thread about it. Plus, the people who contributed to the story could still be voting on it. I know you told them not to, but it's not like they'd get caught if they did. </p><p>TL;DR this should probably be disqualified </p> </div> <p>Yeah, true. Go ahead and do what you said, if you will. I think the Damn Fine Pasta winner has been on the front page long enough anyway. The collab project would be a good successor to it imho. </p>
<p>I hear what you're saying, but too late. People have already voted for it. </p> </div> <p>Shit, forgot it was the 15th already. </p><p>It's still pretty early in the voting, though, so we could just re-set the poll with little harm done. To be honest, I think it sort of has an unfair advantage; I mean, you created and highlighted a whole thread about it. Plus, the people who contributed to the story could still be voting on it. I know you told them not to, but it's not like they'd get caught if they did. </p><p>TL;DR this should probably be disqualified </p> </div> <p>Yeah, true. Go ahead and do what you said, if you will. I think the Damn Fine Pasta winner has been on the front page long enough anyway. The collab project would be a good successor to it imho. </p>
(Edited by Mystreve)