In the wee hours of the night when I've had too much caffeine I usually find myself doing those lame personality quizzes that people do on Facebook. I'm sure you've done a few yourself; "What element are you?", "What classic horror villain are you?", "What was your profession in your past life?", that sort of thing. You can usually tell what it's going to give you just by what answers you select, but whatever, it's a way to pass the time.
Tonight is like most nights. It's late, I'm bored, and I'm surfing the web. The combination of an excessive amount of Dr. Pepper and a few bowls of some decent weed means I'm not going to bed anytime soon, but I'm probably not going to get anything done, either.
I guess I could clean my apartment, but it's not like I have anyone to impress. I've been single for seven months now and I don't have any roommates, and I don't entertain much. I moved out here from my hometown of Dayton, OH to try and pursue school, but after two semesters I heartily lost interest and dropped out. That was nine months ago. I tried to keep my relationship going with Sara after I stopped going to school, but I suppose she wants a man with more ambition. I suppose they all do.
My job as a delivery driver pays just enough money to satisfy rent and utilities and maybe a little left over for a few creature comforts, but not much else, and definitely not any amount that would add up to anything meaningful in a savings account. My coworkers are ok, but I kind of keep my distance. They are all mostly younger and are only interested in getting shit-faced every weekend, and I've never been much of a drinker. I guess you could call me a shut-in.
I could lay down on the couch and watch a movie, but I lost my DVD remote and I would have to actually get up and push the buttons on the player, and besides, I've watched everything I own at least a dozen times anyways. I have cable TV, it came in the bundle, but there's never anything on and I can't stand commercials. Internet prevails.
Facebook is proving to be pretty boring, as always. It's the time of night when everyone else has gone to sleep and my news feed isn't showing me anything new. I scroll down for five minutes, refresh the page, and start back where I was five minutes ago. Maybe I can find something on Youtube that I haven't seen yet. Not likely. I refresh the page again.
I see a quiz my friend has done. "What type of warrior are you?" is the title of the quiz. My friend is apparently a viking. I click on the quiz and answer the questions and discover that I am a pirate. Hooray. I could not have gone on living without that precious information. I scroll through some other quizzes hoping to waste more time before I eventually pass out. I click on one entitled "What decade of music are you?", but I get a popup instead.
"Can you fool the all-knowing Ronwe? Play 20 questions now!" is the text that appears in the new window. I usually don't click on random popups, but this looks innocent enough. I'm pretty tech-savvy anyways (benefits of being antisocial) and my computer is pretty well-protected. I am also very bored, so I figure what the hey, sure, I'll play. I click the "Yes" button in the window.
"Ronwe knows what you are thinking. Ronwe knows all. Is it nighttime where you are?"
What? This is not a typical question in the game 20 Questions. I thought the object of the game was to guess the word I am thinking of. For being all-knowing, this Ronwe sure doesn't know how to play the game properly. Whatever, I'll go along with it, it is nighttime where I am. I click "Yes".
"I knew it! Ronwe is all-seeing. Are you alone?"
Like I would be doing this if I had any company. I click "Yes".
"Of course you are! Ronwe knows everything! Are you wearing a grey shirt?"
I'm a little high, so I don't even remember what color my shirt is. I look down, and sure enough, I am wearing a grey shirt. That's a little uncanny. I click "Yes".
"Ronwe can see that! Ronwe can see all! Are your eyes brown?"
Another lucky guess, but I suppose brown is the most common color of eyes. I click "Yes".
"Nothing is secret to Ronwe! Ronwe sees everything! Is your name Stephen?"
I'm jolted awake. How the hell does this game know my name? That is very unsettling. Unsettling unless this game is accessing my Facebook information. I am logged on to this quiz app through Facebook, after all. That must be it. Ha! Very clever, Ronwe. I click "Yes".
"Ronwe knows you, as Ronwe knows all! Is your dog's name Lola?"
Did I ever post that? I don't think I have that in my profile information. I must have listed her as my pet, but I really don't remember doing that. I click "Yes".
"Ronwe is ever-knowing and ever-seeing. Is Lola at your mother's house?"
Ok, there is no way I ever posted that on my profile. When I moved out here to go to school, I couldn't find an affordable place that allowed pets, so I had to leave Lola back home with my mom, but how could this game know that? I know I never put that in my information. I'm high, but not that high. Hesitantly, I click "Yes".
"Of course she is! Ronwe always knows! Is your living room lamp off?"
Ha! A swing and a miss, Ronwe, a swing and a miss! I turn around with an intense feeling of relief as I look at my living room lamp, which is clearly on. Laughing, I click "No".
"You cannot lie to Ronwe. Ronwe sees."
As soon as I read these words, the lightbulb in my living room lamp burns out. I seize up with dread. What the hell is going on?
"Are you out of lightbulbs?"
I pause and think for a minute. No, I am not out of lightbulbs. I have a pack of lightbulbs in my kitchen drawer. I click "No" with a smirk on my face.
"Ronwe knows all. I would check again."
I'm about to prove you wrong on this one Ronwe! I leap out of my chair and rush to my kitchen and find the drawer where I keep the lightbulbs. I rip the drawer open and see the familiar cardboard box. I take the box out and see I have one lightbulb left. I remove the lightbulb from the box.
"Shows how much you know! What the hell do you call this?" I yell at the computer. I triumphantly thrust the lightbulb into the air, but as I do, it falls from my hand and shatters on the ground with a pop. I cannot believe it. I stare blankly at the shattered remains of the lightbulb before deciding I've had enough.
I rush over to my computer and click on the X of Ronwe's window, but nothing happens. I click on the X repeatedly, but to no avail.
"Do you want to stop playing?"
Hell yes I want to stop playing this creepy ass game! I shout my answer as I click "Yes".
"We can't stop playing now. We have to finish."
I'll be damned if that happens. I open task manager with the intent of closing the process, but it doesn't even show up. I stare blankly at the screen before Ronwe's next question appears.
"Did Sara leave you because you are a broke and worthless loser?"
What the hell? "No!" I scream at my computer as I fervently mash the mouse button and click "No" in Ronwe's window.
"You cannot lie. Ronwe knows all. Ronwe sees all. Are you angry?"
Angry is an understatement. I'm fucking livid. I click "Yes", eager to get this over with. I don't know what the hell is going on, but if Ronwe wants to ask his 20 questions to humiliate and infuriate me, then let's have them.
"Ronwe senses your anger. Ronwe sees into your soul. Is your phone ringing?"
"No my phone is not ringing!" I shout as I click "No", but as soon as I do, my phone starts to ring.
My heart sinks. I feel nauseated as a sense of dread sweeps over me. I know I shouldn't answer the phone. Some instinctive part of me begs me not to answer the phone, but I only want to get this over with. I look to Ronwe's window to see if he will contradict me, but no text appears. The phone continues to ring. Hesitantly, I pick it up and answer.
"Hello?" I nervously ask into the receiver. No answer, only heavy breathing.
"Hello!" I shout, but the breathing continues. It sounds feral, like a wild animal that is anticipating a meal that is long-overdue. New words appear in Ronwe's window.
"Can you hear me?"
I instantly hang up the phone. I stand staring at my computer screen for what seems like an eternity until I finally regain my senses. This has gone on long enough. I am shutting this down. I click on my start menu and click "Shut Down", but it has no effect. Fine, I'll shut it down manually. I hold the power button in for a full twenty seconds, but nothing happens.
"Are you trying to shut me down?"
I click "Yes", hoping that it might have some effect.
"Are you succeeding?"
I click "Yes", then I yank the power cord out of the wall, but my computer remains on.
"You cannot shut Ronwe down. Ronwe has unfinished business with you."
I stand there staring at the screen, awaiting the next question, dreading it, yet wanting to end this. His next question appears.
"Is someone at your door?"
I listen intently for a few fearful seconds, but I do not hear anything. I click "No", and as soon as I do, a slow and loud knock is sounding on my front door.
I cry out, now gripped by pure terror. Ronwe asks yet another question.
"Are you going to answer that?"
I start to sob uncontrollably as I click "No". I beg the computer to stop tormenting me, to please leave me alone, but yet another message appears in Ronwe's window.
"I thought not. You are a coward. You are a worthless waste of life and that's why you are alone. You have squandered your existence and you are not worthy of the air you breathe. Our business is almost concluded. I have but one final question for you."
I am hysterical. I want this to end. I want whatever is knocking on my door to just go away. I am pleading with Ronwe to just ask his last question and be done with me. Ronwe torments me with an unbearable wait before his final question appears on the screen.
"Are you going to die tonight?"
I read this question over many times. I manage to stop crying. The knocking on my door has stopped. I gather what little resolve I have left and pray that my answer will be proven true. I grab the mouse and click "No."
For a moment nothing happens. Then a message appears on the screen.
"Ronwe knows all, and Ronwe sees that you are wrong yet again."
My front door crashes open. I turn and see the last thing I will ever see in my life. My final moments are spent beholding the awful face of death as its jaws open wide to devour me.