How a horrible tragedy the bubonic plague was.
Many remember the plague as a mere thing that happened a long time ago...
Although, all I remember is my broken promise. I promised my dear sister Isabella to always protect her no matter what, but I was just too naive and desperate.
So much that I never learned from my mistakes but instead developed them into sins.
I go by many names but I remember my name that I was given by God, Teodoro. Not a name I am proud of, despite its meaning I've learned to accept it.
God Given...
And my sister was consecrated to God...
The twisted tragedy started to develop the day when the plague hit our little pathetic vulnerable village... Everyone was infected except for us.
Isabella and I were lucky, and so were our parents.
But all this luck meant nothing to me... The pressure I felt because of the plague, I had promised Isabella to protect her no matter the cost, but... how would I be able to do that if she or I got infected?
No one would know what to do, we were so undeveloped and uneducated in Italy back then... but most of Europe was that anyway.
It took me centuries to figure out what caused the plague and what cured it.
So because of hopelessness, we all became very religious, everyone believed that God would save us. How laughable... It's idiotic.
I remember how often Isabella and I went to that church and prayed to God and thanked him for his mercy. Because of the pressure, I laid all faith in God and hope.
But I soon enough realised that hope was only an illusion, it has always been an illusion. All living things are God's creation, so whatever action humanity takes is God's responsibility, they're all his puppets, I knew that.
If he says jump, they don't duck, if he says meow, they don't bark.
Simple as that.
I loved to play xylophone, and I was good at it.
My talent with the instrument was what that made us get through the every day routine. I truly was God Given. And I hated that fact...
Later on, plague doctors were sent to our village, but to us, they were sent from God, from Heaven. And because they could help the infected, everyone laid all faith in them. Their masks represented birds, and birds have a connection to Heaven and God I was told.
They were God Given, as said they were sent from Heaven, just like me. I felt like they and I were of the same kind. My name meaning God Given also only meant if Isabella or I got hurt, it would be my or God's fault.
All this relation to God...it drove me insane, the more God came into the picture the more vulnerable I got around that topic.
And my mind only got more delirious and unclear when God and hope started to appear more like a lie, a sort of betrayal.
Though my despair began to burst when a plague doctor started harassing us, he followed us. The white bird with black holes for eyes. But what I saw behind that mask was not a pleasant doctor who wanted to help, but a lustful madman. And for some odd reason, which I can't explain even to this day, I felt like as I was looking myself in a mirror when I looked at him. I didn't know him but I do know that what was behind that mask, was a familiar face, I was and still am certain. The adrenalin inside, my fear, it was unbearable.
The pressure, it made me feel so vulnerable... so weak... so I just tried to outrun it.
But then... he came to our house, that day when he came was my Armageddon, it was the day where my sanity died inside me.
He asked for Isabella. That bastard said that he needed her blood samples for a test of cure to the plague, so our parents didn't think twice about it. It was about infusing the blood from an uninfected into an infected, to see if that cured it. They didn't even try to just consider the thought of him wanting something else from her.
But I knew what he oh so desperately wanted... Oh yes, I did.
And I only did that, because him and I were like the same kind, madmen.
My madman was just growing inside me, trying to eat me whole. When the doctor and Isabella left, I rushed out of the door and followed them all the way to... the church. It was near midnight. In complete silence, I just stood there. The adrenalin inside me was bursting, my phobia was taking over.
I wanted to crumble into feet, lay down and cry like a coward. But I couldn't... I had to protect her. That was a promise which I simply could not break no matter what. When I got inside, noises came to my ears... Oh so wonderful noises.
I could hear Isabella gasping for air, panting, moaning, whimpering, crying, exhaling... It still echoes in my ears.
Her girl voice, it was such a chore... I got passionate but as a mere kid I didn't know what passion was.
But through all the lust and passion, I saw something terrifying... Something so twisted and horrible... My broken faith, my broken hope, my broken promise. What I saw was God robbing her dignity, her innocence, her purity, her virginity in the most unforgivable way thinkable, he had sent that thing down to Earth so he could rape my sister... I felt so hopeless, I didn't know what to do...
It was God who had decided for it to happen, and how would I ever be able to compete with the very lord himself?
If it was my sister's virginity he wanted... why should I try to stop him?
All I felt was hopelessness and grief, it was like caring a stone, a stone which too heavy for my fragile body to be carrying, but yet I still tried to carry this stone. The stone was my sister and my sanity.
I wanted to drop it. I wanted to break it into small tiny pieces. All of it was just too heavy for me to care.
I started to smile, a smile which turned into a laughter. I just sat and laughed while my sister was being brutally raped... But... I... Just lost it.
Everyone makes mistakes, right?
Everyone will be forgiven despite their flaws, right... God?
As I sat there and laughed, I felt a glare hitting my neck. It was him. He didn't say anything, and neither did I.
But he hit me, and then he laid a handkerchief in my hand. Her dignity was on that handkerchief, it was all covered in blood... I rushed inside the great hall and there laid Isabella, her dress was pulled all the way up to her chest, she was whimpering. And again I felt someone was looking at me, I looked up and was greeted a smiling statue of Jesus on a cross, it was taunting me. My faith in God and hope was gone. I was outraged.
How could they have done something so unforgiving to a mere child?
I held my hope in humanity.
Something I should never have done.
The next day everyone were called to a meeting about the rape of Isabella. But it was short lived. I remember how I whimpered my words, I was crying...and how I pointed my finger in disgust at the doctor who was responsible.
They may look all the same, but I recognized what was behind that mask. But the bastard simply just walked away without saying anything, he was an ungodly coward with no morals! He should have taken responsibility for his actions!
I swore I would make him pay.
Then a familiar voice just said that it was Isabella's fault. I was speechless because... those words... came from our very own father. In hatred and shock I looked at him, he looked down at me, who was embracing the crying Isabella.
How could that bastard do that to his own daughter?
I whimpered mama like a little child, but she looked away from me, she didn't even love me or Isabella enough to stand for us. She fell. Like Isabella and I did.
"Witch..." they said, and it turned into a chant of disgust. They started to throw rocks at her in disgust, I tried to cover her with all my might.
Humanity had turned its back on me and Isabella.
It was despicable... loathsome... unforgiving... and downright disgusting.
Such a cowardly treasonable selfish kind.
Betraying your own daughter just to save the life of someone who can save yours.
I ran off with Isabella in my embrace, away from the hatred, away from disgust, far away from those who have betrayed me.
I was alone. No one could I trust.
My faith and hope was wasted on all the wrong people, even God himself.
We had found a place deep in the woods where we could live. Days passed, and we figured that we had to find better food than plants and the sort.
So we went to a bigger city, and of course, we were greeted by sick and dying people just laying in the streets.
Plague doctors were everywhere and tried to care the bodies away, what a horrible duty they had when I think about it. But many of them just threw the bodies in the ocean, some of them didn't even care to burn them.
Ashes.... The smell of ashes hit the air, it was unbearable. I could see smoke coming from somewhere, it was an island far away.
Isabella and I tried to beg for money, but we failed miserably, therefore I tried to play my xylophone, and to our biggest surprise many came on over and gave us what they just had at that moment.
And that was where my dear Isabella said something shocking but yet so logical...
"It's like you're hypnotizing them..." and she looked at me with a disturbingly hopeful look in her eyes, as if I was a solution or a savior.
But I soon enough figured what it was she had on her mind... When we returned to the woods, and we were sitting around the fire, she asked me something unthinkable.
She wanted me to kill her. I remember how I slapped her on her left cheek, but what was she thinking? How could I just kill her when I had promised to protect her? But that was when the madman inside me said:
Why not?
Haven't you already broken that promise?
You know you want to kill her.
She is too much for you to care.
It would only make your life a lot easier.
Join him.
Though I did everything to stand up for my decision, I would not kill her.
We didn't as much as look at each other that night.
But oh how I wanted to be with her...
Oh how I wanted to touch her...
I had gone nuts! Simply I just lost it.
Yet I resisted, but it was difficult.
I did everything I could to keep us alive. But that little ungrateful whore refused to eat or drink what I gave her, she didn't even speak to me nor look at me. I was just so hungry... But I couldn't make myself eat right in front of my starving sister, that was unforgivable.
So I starved myself. I refused to be a hungry, greedy, lustful beast of a madman like him... And it went on like that for weeks.
Isabella got thinner and thinner, and I got extraordinarily thinner and thinner, but I refused to eat and so did she. So I gave up.
I accepted to kill her, but in a more discreet way I said. She said:
"You can hypnotize me with your music into committing suicide, if you could make the poor give you what they had, then you can easily make me kill myself."
"But just don't let me do it all by myself otherwise God will never accept nor forgive my soul."
Those words made me so utterly...mad. I wanted to strangle her, how could she have forgotten who took away her only dignity!? She would never be able to get that back... Her dignity should have been given to someone she held dear, someone she loved, someone special. But instead it was a beast, a simple madman who took it.
We set up the whole thing, we found a tree, a box and a rope.
It was like time stopped when she said she was ready.
I remember how I just stood there and then I started to play. All I saw was her walking towards the box under the tree, and then it went black. What I saw was a wonderful sight, I saw the burning village, I watched all those cowards bursting into flames, and then I saw him.
He came closer... and closer... and closer. He was about to take off his mask, but then flashes of... myself struck me. I was inhuman... I looked like a monster.
Was this my fate? Was this the fate of the village?
I could feel that I was smiling very wide. I wanted to stop, cause I wanted to scream when I saw him strangling Isabella.
But every time I got closer, they got further away.
He was taking her away from me! I could hear her scream my name, then I finally got to her. I tried to pull her down from his grasp, and then... the sound of a bone snapping came across me.
Then she said oh so hopelessly and sadly...
"Why... Teo...? I thought you loved me..."
She told me to end her misery! That was when I picked up a rock and threw it at her dead body in pure disgust. And that was when... I realised... I was just like them.
I had become a madman. I was drowning in madness... I couldn't get up, but I didn't want to either...I was curious about the madness, I wanted to be a part of it. Then I simply started to laugh maniacally, I had finally got rid of her.
Now it was his turn. It was time for them all to pay.
So I went to the village, I found the clothes of a plague doctor, I dressed up like one. I had joined them, but only so I could backstab them.
Fire... I set fire to one of the farms, I watched how the fire went on to the next house after the other. It was beautiful... I could hear them scream.
Then I remembered what I actually came for, him.
I took an ax which I found inside the church, and I started my rampage.
They should all pay. In pure madness I hatched down door after door, killed and killed, searching for him.
This pounding inside my head made me go nuts. I kept having hallucinations of myself walking down a long hallway with Isabella in my embrace... I knew that these hallucinations was like messages from my common sense, my sanity. Isabella was bleeding all over, she was pregnant... she had to give birth. And I was wearing odd clothes, it was all white, it looked like the clothes of an asylum patient from modern time but back then I thought I was an angel in this hallucination...
The hall was all grayish and dark, there was an open door with pure white light inside it, it was the door to Heaven.
I knew Isabella could get help there, so I tried to get there but every time I got closer the door like slammed meters away from me. It was God's rejection.
And it kept on like this for an eternity... I yelled, cried, whimpered and begged for his mercy.
I just wanted him to help her and let me forever drown in darkness.
But she deserved his mercy, but he rejected her even after he brutally got her raped! I was tired of his games! He made me insane! He was the one who turned me into a madman! It was his fault!
Before I knew it, I found myself just wandering around in flames of the dead. The pain... it made me feel so satisfied. I had accepted what I had become... I loved the one I had become.
It was the true Teodoro inside me... I was born to be a monster, a madman.
But the one I was looking for... was nowhere to be found... I was outraged.
I had to find him, and I would have to gain immortality to do so.
God should pay for what he had done. I did not want to be his toy anymore, I wanted to betray him like he betrayed me.
So I sacrificed my five human senses, my very own gifts given by God. I did not want the identity he had given me anymore.
My ears, I took a knife which I found inside a house and plunged it through my head. Then I would never be able to hear her scream and cry...
My nose, I tried my hardest to cut off my nose. Then I would never be able to smell the ashes and the rotten body of her...
My tongue, it was difficult but I tried to cut it out whole and luckily I succeed. Then I would never be able to taste the blood on my hands which came from her...
My eyes, I hatched the axe into my face multiple times and I was greeted complete darkness. Then I would never be able to see her ugly face...
My skin, as the flames clinged onto my wandering body I soon lost my touch. Then I would never be able to feel her soul...
Of course, I died as any other human being would.
But I was greeted a voice, asking me if I wanted to get revenge. And I said yes very strictly. The voice then said that I should be his slave for all eternity.
I accepted, I had nothing more to lose, I had lost my life, my sister, my faith, my hope and most importantly my sanity. All I now wanted was to find him.
Then I woke up from the dead. I was gifted ears and pale white skin, no nose but a big mouth that made out a wide smile, I loved my new face because of how it frightened me...Though my eyes they hurt in an unimaginable way, they were infected by the plague, completely black and also bordered in black from the plague, and I had gotten soul piercing eyes.
I was like the monster I had seen in my hallucinations... in my nightmares... in my beautiful dreams. Then this passion and lust was bursting inside me... And I knew exactly where to get the pleasure.
I returned to the woods and got Isabella's dead body down from the tree... I remember how I stood there observing her beautiful dead corpse. Then it happened, I lost control over my passion, I pulled up her skirt and started penetrating her cold dead body... But it was just so wonderful...
For the first time, I felt like I was becoming one with someone.
And for the first time in my whole life, I didn't feel alone. But I just got so passionate, because it was just like what I saw in the church, how he did that thing to her, now I knew why he wanted to do it...it was so pleasurable.
I had really gone crazy when I started to sing an odd nursery rhyme as I did that to her...
But I guess I just didn't enjoy the dead silence.
My virginity, I lost it to the dead.
But at least it was with someone I loved, someone special... I gave her a kiss on the forehead, and I remember the phrase I said, a phrase which I still tell every child: "Thank you for your innocence, my child," I whispered in her ear.
I was just like him. A greedy, reckless, twisted, evil, lustful, passionate madman! That is who I truly am!
Then I remembered how Isabella's neck snapped when I pulled her down from that tree, I started to wonder why... I started wanting to spend my never ending life on studying biology and living things. It was just so fascinating...
Though I had forgotten something... Him. It took me a month to find him, but I did.
He was in a place where the dying were sent, where they would become mere ashes and rotten smell to the nose, in a place where they would die and where they would stay for all eternity even after death. It was an island.
The bastard was taking care of the dying patients, he actually tried to save their lives. He did remember me.
For months I was haunting him and taunting him, I made him lose his sanity. But that was what he deserved. Because after all, he was the one who ruined Isabella's and my life. I made him go on a killing spree with an axe, just like me. And then I made him jump out of the window.
What an indescribably wonderful noise that came.
The sound of that bastard's neck snap. I had found peace, I thought...
But the passion, the lust! Oh the virgin children...How tempting they are... Their purity their innocence, I want it, I want to take it all.
Today, people will see me in the dark corners of Italy and out in the night on the streets searching for my next victim.
What I'll do to them is difficult to tell, because I do so many different things to them... In general all I do is different. I do many kinds of things...
I love watching the girls in their sleep...through their window. And as I stand there observing them, I will think about penetrating their small fragile bodies...
I will haunt their dreams, and do things to them in their dreams...
That's how much power I have over others' mentality. I have no control nor power over my own, but I can control others'.
So much that I can hurt them physically through their dreams.
Of course, Italy doesn't want any other nations to know about me...and what I do to whatever virgin child that I can get my hands on.
They call me Il Ladro di Innocenza.