"Beyond Hither Stars" was inspired by the writings of Lovecraft.
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Roughly twenty-three years of my life have passed; dropping away like sand down the delicate, curvaceous hourglass of time. Through these feeble years I did attend compulsory education, where I was taught the all-powerful thing that is Human Knowledge that I used to understand the elusive concept of our perception; consciousness.
I feel that, though I have built a vast repertoire of understanding based on our Earth, I feel that my thirst for knowledge, true knowledge, will never be quenched until I walk through the valley, not of the living; but of the stars, moon and the void- a land that is far from the comprehension of the limited human mind.
There is naught that dissuades me from pursuing this quest. It is a quest into a new being. I know not if my cumbersome, blood-filled body will follow me, or if my soul will travel through the new realm with the same intentions as it has now. I know not if my soul, after I have made my departure, will still continue to "think" like I am now; as it may simply just be. Floating, drifting through the very confines of infinity.
Perhaps my method of transportation is not the most honourable, but what is honour to a dead man anyway? I wonder this as I stare lustfully at the pills in my hand. A small fortune of benzodiazepines. I am no less the richest man in the world, for today I am buying my own death. In my other hand, I clasp a glass of London Dry Gin.
I did not wear a watch that day. The passage of time is merely a concept made by Man, anyway. I must abandon all that makes me human. However, I would estimate that there were a few hours between the consumption of the pills, the gin, and the respiratory failure. In-between the gin and forgetting to breathe; twitching. Endless seizing. Rapid convulsions in my feet, calves, and hands. Stronger contractions struck my stomach and my neck.
After what seemed like simultaneously the shortest and the longest while to my fading mind, I saw myself from the outside. I saw my body jerking and twisting on the bathroom floor. I felt no pain, it was more like my skin was covered in static. A relentless numbness, which almost stung.
I was excited.
I watched the black, glittering ring that sparkled across the edges of my visual field slowly close over the rest of my eyes. What I could "see" was akin to that of faint television static overlaying the pre-existing landscape that was my dingy bathroom.
A short moment later, I finally forgot how to breathe. I did not struggle. I closed "my" eyes, and finally, my twitching body ceased to move. In that moment, I left my physical body; beginning my ascension to find true knowledge. What is beyond the human perception?
I smelt a smell of very loose familiarity. Something along the lines of hot metal- perhaps welding fumes. Raspberries and rum, oil, tarmac. Faintly, like a breeze. Though I may have left Earth, the only language I ever knew was English. This prevents the description of the other-worldly experience from being too accurate. It does me great sorrow to find that I lack the intricate tongue to describe what my phantom, pseudo-eyes "saw" through the cloud of static.
At first, there was a great darkness. Perpetually dark. Then, a tiny dot of glowing light. More and more tiny dots appeared, clustering around the original- all different in colour, all with a supple glow. These colours I had not seen before; my tired, human eyes would never be able to "see" these beautiful glowing dots. This was a cosmic palatte of glittering variants, somewhat close to golds and magnolias, lilacs, pinks, and puce. Sparkling in a dazzling, blinking display against a harsh, void backdrop. And in a moment, they rushed past me- leaving a long tail behind their glowing bodies. A great, bustling cloud of dust bloomed in front of me, around me, and underneath me. I was "seeing" from many perspectives at once; seeing every angle of this fantastically coloured creation.
The most accurate colour I could compare such a luminous shade to is something along the lines of a glittering pink- with hints of gold and turquoise. The dust washing over me, and passing through me.
I felt the cosmic breath of something you may call God. It was not cold nor hot, nor anything. It just Was. If Ii had a brain to feel with I may have been overwhelmed, or scared, or perhaps happy. But I do not have a brain; I have nothing. Yet I have everything; for I Know now. I have obtained the sacred knowledge, I have traveled past human perception.
I am carried through the glittering void.
I am carried.
I drift.
It is calling me.
It is calling.
I am free.
And It is beautiful.