DrBobSmith wrote:

Simon Slaughters wrote:

idk that is the grammer good does it have a chance

Every story has as much chance as you will put into it. This one needs you to clean up the grammar, punctuation, and spelling before posting it.

In my opinion, the story is weak. You end it at the stage of building creepiness. It never reaches horror.

Theres two version I wrote ill post the second later

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