“Ah. John Benjamin Muller.”
“What the hell?”
“You don’t recognize me?”
“...fuck, um, you’re... Olivia?”
“Hmm.”
“...you’re not Olivia. Who are you? Where the hell are we?”
“You’re angry.”
“No shit, Sherlock! Where are— how’d you—”
“Yes?”
“...no. No, no no. Where the fuck did you take me? My neighbors will know I haven’t come home. They’ll call the cops!”
“Hmm. Such a pitiful creature you are, John Muller.”
“What— get away from me! Don’t touch me!”
“I’m afraid it’s too late for that, John Muller. I’ve already removed you, you see.”
“...what?”
“I have consumed your entire existence. I have deemed you irrelevant to reality, cut you out of the world and scrubbed it clean of your footprints. There is no more John Benjamin Muller of Verlow Lane. There never has been.”
“...This isn’t funny. Get me out of here.”
“There is no ‘here’ to get you out of. This is simply the imaginary placeholder where you will dissolve into nothingness.”
“Get me out of here! I need to get out of here!”
“You cannot need anything anymore. You are existentially incapable of doing so. There is nothing that can need here.”
“I.. I… fuck, isn’t there something I can do? Anything? Isn’t there… isn’t there some sort of game to play?”
“A game?”
“Yes! Yes. A game. If I win, I get to go.”
“A game. I do recall that being a rather popular notion among you folk. What kind?”
“Uh, well—”
“A riddle game! Yes. I do enjoy riddles.”
“...o-okay. Okay, a riddle game. Sure.”
“Would you like to go first?”
“I— yeah. Sure. Yeah. Um…”
“That’s not a very good riddle.”
“No! No, that wasn’t it! Um, um, what’s a raven and a writing desk have in common?”
“Oh! Oh, what an interesting riddle! I know the answer, of course. They’re both too sour to eat easily.”
“Uh—”
“Now it’s my turn. It’s a rather short one, to be honest: who am I?”
“I— you... you’re... Death, right?”
“That’s rather disappointing. Even I know that’s wrong. Do I really look like that young fool?”
“N-no, I just—”
“Well, it looks like I won. You didn’t make a very good riddler, anyway. I’ve seen better.”
“Wait! Wait! I can— I can give another riddle! Another round, just—”
“No; no need. There’s only ever one true riddle for me, anyhow. Thank you for your riddle, though. I’ll remember it.”
“No, no no no, wait, please———”
“......Perhaps I shall go out for lunch today. I do have a craving for raven now.”