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Thank so much for pointing out the errors and typos. I changed Ralphie's knowledge about vampire shows from Buffy to Scooby Doo since looking over, I agree with you, it didn't seem realistic for him to watch a sophisticated show, especially if he has parents controlling his TV viewing.
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Thank so much for pointing out the errors and typos. I changed Ralphie's knowledge about vampire shows from Buffy to Scooby Doo since looking over, I now agree with you, it didn't seem realistic for him to watch a sophisticated show, especially if he has parents controlling his TV viewing.
   
I'm still work on cutting back the amount of character thought. Also I finally agree with you on the third ending since it now seems rather abrupt and kind of lame.
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I'm still work on cutting back the amount of character thought. Also I finally agree with you on the third ending since it now seems rather abrupt and ''Goosebumps'' kind of lame.

Latest revision as of 21:06, April 24, 2016

Mr. Dupin wrote:  In the new parts, Ralphie doesn't act like an 8-year-old. He knows about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Vlad the Impaler, Romania/Transylvania etc. I suggest you cut down on such knowledge, as it doesn't seem realistic.

Another problem was that the characters' thoughts went on for far too long. At times you wrote whole paragraphs. I suggest trying to be quicker on the thoughts parts.

I suggest you go with either ending 1 or 2. The third I didn't like that much


Thank so much for pointing out the errors and typos. I changed Ralphie's knowledge about vampire shows from Buffy to Scooby Doo since looking over, I now agree with you, it didn't seem realistic for him to watch a sophisticated show, especially if he has parents controlling his TV viewing.

I'm still work on cutting back the amount of character thought. Also I finally agree with you on the third ending since it now seems rather abrupt and Goosebumps kind of lame.

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