Welcome to Carnevil!
Step inside the circus tent for a carnival from out of your wildest dreams… or, more likely, nightmares. Disregard the fact that it just up and appeared in the middle of an abandoned field someplace in the United States.
Carnivals are rarely held at night. This one is held exclusively at night. I certainly hope that gives you a bad feeling, because you would be absolutely right.
Clowns are creepy enough when they’re not movie monsters trying to gut you. Here, they’re even worse. Every clown in Carnevil is a killer clown. Sharp teeth, long claws, knives. They can run up to thirty miles an hour, even in those ridiculous, comically large red shoes. Don’t make eye contact with them. Don’t make any sudden moves. Don’t even come within fifty feet of them or your life expectancy will drop drastically.
Their performances aren’t very safe, either. They let tigers loose in the arena and watch with delight as the beasts leap into the crowd to attack you. They pile into clown cars and run over as many people as they can: then, when the tires are too fucked up with blood and gore to spin, they hop out and torture the survivors to death.
Once they strapped a helmet onto some poor bastard, then made him ride a unicycle off a ramp through a ring of fire. He didn’t make it. He also broke both his arms and burned to death. It was fucking twisted.
The carousel? It’s made entirely out of lions. Living lions. Well, undead lions that are immune to being impaled. Which is good, because the Carnevil workers impale them with rods from the ceiling to the floor to keep them in place. As a result, the lions are really really angry. Good luck crawling on top of them without being mauled to shreds.
If you can manage to get on top of one (which is no easy feat) they’ll probably just buck you right off. You’ll crack your head open when you land, or at least break a limb. You have to hold on to their manes really tight, and even then it’s one hell of a bumpy ride. Don’t let your kids on. Don’t even bring your kids. What would your kids be doing at Carnevil?!
That’s not even getting into how the carousel sometimes- for no discernable reason- flips its shit and starts revolving at Mach 4. Okay, not literally, but it does suddenly start going very fast at random times. There’ll be no hope for you then- you’ll be thrown off and killed. Even if you somehow survive the landing, odds are you’ll break your spine and spend the rest of your days paralyzed.
So to conclude, don’t get on the carousel. Don’t even come near it: unless, of course, you’re there at Carnevil for bragging rights. Which is stupid, because nobody should go to Carnevil. There’s a fine line between courage and idiocy, and going to Carnevil is the definition of that line. It’s considered a feat to survive even ten minutes there.
Then there’s the mirror maze. There is quite literally no way out. The second you come inside, the entrance closes behind you and you’re stuck in there until you die. Do not try to climb on top of the mirrors to escape. They’ll just fall over and crush you to death. Or, worse yet, they’ll break into sharp shards that’ll have you bleeding out right quick.
Actually, there is a way out of the mirror maze. Every mirror inside the mirror maze is a portal to an alternate universe where everything is trying to kill you. One universe is filled with lava. Another hosts a torrential rainstorm complete with huge bolts of lightning. Then there’s the one filled with minotaurs wielding meat hooks… but I shouldn’t tell you too much about that one. We wouldn’t want to traumatize you, now, would we?
Some things are just better left unknown.
Oh, one last thing about the maze. It’s filled with banshees. If they catch you, you’ll die horribly. You could get your soul sucked out your mouth, leaving you an empty shell of a person. You could have all your warmth absorbed from your skin and die of hypothermia.
Or, they could bite your neck and suck out all your blood like vampires. Then there are the banshees that settle for simply eating your flesh right off your bones. While you’re still alive. They’re like zombies. Flying zombies. Flying zombies smart enough to wait around corners to ambush you. Flying zombies faster than a speeding car.
So, to conclude, the mirror maze is essentially a death trap. God help you if someone bullies you in there. Even if you were to somehow avoid the banshees or resist the temptation to commit suicide by walking through a portal, you’d just die of starvation and thirst eventually. You’d wind up as a skeleton in one of the dead ends, covered with cobwebs and rags for clothes, like in some dumb horror movie. A warning to new victims what they’re in for.
That’s not all there is to Carnevil. Next up we have the food and game stands. Don’t go to them either. The cotton candy is poisoned with cyanide and the pretzels are laced with anthrax. The dart-throwing games? You have to pay the carnies to throw the darts at you. And rest assured that they aim for the eyes.
Oh, and if you ever see a big, fat guy in a grey hoodie milling around the stands, turn around and run. Just turn around and run. He’s infamous for punching people out or drugging them to sleep, then dragging them into trash-strewn alleyways and raping them. Not just the women: the men, too. God only knows if he’s an actual attraction at the place or just some psychopath that’s taking advantage of it being in the middle of nowhere.
There are a lot of other attractions, too. I’m not up to naming all of them, though, for three reasons. Reason number one is that it would take all day, and I think I’ve already given you a pretty clear picture of what the place looks like. Reason number two is that I’ve snuck into the place a hundred times already, and I still haven’t managed to explore everything there is there. The place is the size of a city.
And reason number three is that there are some really fucked up attractions at Carnevil, and again, some things are just better left unknown.
So that’s Carnevil for you. The name is a pun on “carnival” and “evil”, just in case you didn’t notice. It was named that way for a good reason, too. The whole place is evil. Pure. Fucking. Evil. End of story.