I know it sounds ridiculous, but I… kind of have a fear of cat flaps.

Don’t laugh. Cat flaps. Can’t stand them. And I love cats, you know, I just haven’t had one for years. Last one disappeared.

I thought it was funny – well, cats are funny, everyone who’s owned one knows that; they do dumb shit – I thought it was funny that day when I passed the door probably a dozen time, and the entire day I saw my cat’s ass sticking out of the cat flap because he was standing halfway through.

One time I even crouched down and patted him, It.

I don’t remember what the time was exactly when I took the trash out. It was late at night and dark, anyway. I remember laughing to myself because if the damn cat was still standing halfway through the cat flap I’d have to give him a swift kick in the butt in order to be able to open the door. But no, the flap was finally closed.

What makes my skin crawl is I had time to open the garbage can and toss the trash before I noticed it. It was lurking there just a few feet from me and I didn’t register its presence until after several moments. When I did, I – well, suffice to say it wasn’t my manliest moment.

Because behind the trash can, up against the wall of my house, was this… thing. I can’t give you a proper description, because it was dark and I was scared shitless. Not about to go get the sketchbook or anything.

What I do remember is this. It was as big as me, but I remember a sense of it being crouched, as if it’d gain another three feet on me if it stretched fully. It might have been humanoid or insectile or I don’t know what. What I do know was it was covered head to toe in fur, and that its head looked like the behind of a cat.

Don’t laugh, okay? I’m not joking. It had mandibles exactly like a cat’s hind legs, and a snout like a tail. Didn’t see any eyes, but the tail, or snout or whatever, looked like it was probing, like that was its way of sensing its environment. I think it registered me about the same time as I noticed it. That’s when it turned to me, lifted its tail-snout, opened its little round mouth and, I swear to fucking god, it meowed at me.

I got the fuck out of there, and locked myself in the bedroom all night. The next day, by broad daylight, I nailed that fucking cat flap shut.

Hey, where are you going?

I’m not crazy.


Credited to Jeff

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