This is a system through which you can get your deleted, non-spinoff stories back on the wiki. Here's how it works:
Upload your story somewhere offsite and post a link to it below, along with a brief blurb/description. We admins will review it to determine if it's good enough to be put on the site. If we find that it meets the quality standards, we'll create the page with the story and credit you in its footer section.
Please note that this is not a place to ask why your story was deleted; that can be done by leaving a message on the relevant admin's talk page. You can also ask them to provide you a copy of the story if you need one. If you'd like criticism from other users to help rewrite your story before making an appeal, you can post your work in our writing help forum or contact an admin directly.
The easiest places you can upload your story for it to be appealed are our onsite Writers' Workshop, Pastebin, or Google Docs. You can also upload your story to Deviantart.
Keep these things in mind:
- Your story must be original content.
- Your story must be complete. No "COMING SOON!" pages, half-finished pages, or "ongoing" diary/journal-type pages.
- You can add multiple stories in your request, but you have to put a link and description for each one.
- You can only use this page if you're an admin or submitting an appeal. Constructive feedback is appreciated, but should be communicated through a user's talk page.
It is highly unlikely that we will approve your request if you provide us an unaltered copy of whatever you're appealing. Please don't get too upset if your request is denied. Admins are required to explain why they reject a request, so that you can take their criticism into account and better your work. Arguing with us likely won't reverse our decision.
Remember to sign your requests with just four tildes (~~~~) and to add a header/title to your post. You can do this by adding this line at the top of it: == STORY TITLE HERE ==
. You can also use the {{unrev}} template in the title to highlight that your story has not yet received a review, but this isn't necessary.
If an admin doesn't answer your appeal in about a week, feel free to contact one on their talk page. Longer stories will typically see longer waiting times. Apologies for the inconvenience!
- For a list of successfully appealed non-spinoff stories, visit this page.
- To view the appeal page for spinoff stories, click here.
- Past appeals can be found in the archives.
***
The Monster That Ate my Older Sister and Me (DENIED)[]
After going over the critcsim of the story I intially wrote a while back about a girl witnessing her sister get swallowed whole and alive by a monster I went over and made serveal edits to the story hoping that it would make more sense
It has occured to me that you probably can't see it on a Google Docs form so here it is on deviantart instead
Please try to get back to me soon, I'm not really a big fan of waiting.
—Preceding unsigned comment added by Godzillafan1978 (talk • contribs).
- Your story has been denied due to widespread spelling, grammar, and syntax issues as well as an inane plot. There's a lot about this story that doesn't make sense; I'll draw attention to specific examples below:
- "For context I’d like to keep my identity secret, all you need to know is that I am a white female."
- At no point in the story is this relevant. I would advise just cutting it out.
- "I had an older sister who I will call Hanna. This happened when Hanna was ten, and I was around ten."
- The way you describe Hanna in the story shows that she is clearly smarter and more mature than the protagonist. So why are they both pretty much the same age? It'd make more sense if the protagonist was ten and Hanna was was around 15/16/17.
- "One day our parents had to go out to visit family. Even though my Hanna was only ten, my parents trusted her to take care of me by herself."
- Unless these kids are extremely well behaved, I'd argue it's pretty irresponsible to leave two ten-year-olds home alone by themselves.
- "Hanna’s bedroom door swung up, and the creature walked in. It stood around for a bit before it went straight to Hanna’s bed, and lifted the covers off of her."
- Hanna, who is apparently brave and intelligent beyond her years, decides the best place to hide from this creature would be on top of her bed under the covers in her bedroom, where she is obviously immediately spotted. Why not hide under the bed? Or with the protagonist in the closet like they requested?
- "With a mighty gulp the monster swallowed me and I slid down its esophagus, and landed in its stomach. Its stomach was wet,and tight. I tried to push on the walls, but I was stuck. Then I saw something that will haunt my dreams forever. There inside the stomach were Hanna’s bones, all that remind over her."
- How come Hanna turns into bones so quickly but the protagonist is spat out merely "bleeding"? There's no suggestion that any significant amount of time passes between the monster eating Hanna and the protagonist; assumedly, it must have a pretty intense digestive system to reduce her to just bones in that amount of time.
- "They had returned home, and saw that one of the windows was shattered. They both immediately knew that someone had broken in and rushed inside."
- Considering that the assumption here is that the creature ran away when it heard the parents arriving, I would include some mention of the protagonist hearing it too, right before she blacks out.
- You also need to run your story through a spellchecker and do some more detailed proofreading to smooth out the technical errors, which there are many of.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 13:39, 24 January 2023 (UTC)
Sammy the Cat (DENIED)[]
Alright, I went over to the pasta and edited the things that were pointed out on my talk page. Let me point out some things and differences, you can check out the story too if you want.
"Nonsensicality"
I tried fixing everything I could, and I read the story carefully, If you catch anything that doesn't make sense, I will be sure to put it in the 'Weird' Category.
"Lack of a sufficient horror element"
Now, I added some stuff to the creepypasta, please read it carefully before marking this as denied, this is not the same story, and there are changes included in the story.
"I would suggest providing more detail about the contents of the tape, as well as doing more with the second, unwatched one that is mentioned at the end."
This is now added and the "I'll get back to you guys with more information" cliché was removed, I promise that I will stop including cliffhangers in my stories. It's getting annoying I know that, and I included the unwatched second tape at the very end with some more things included in the part of the story, and I added more contents of the first tape as well, continue reading the story, and you will notice the changes.
I promise that the things that were said on my talk page are included in this version. If you capture a few spelling errors, punction, or anything for that matter. I will be sure to edit it, for now, this is the updated and revised copy of the 'Sammy the Cat' story. Tell me what you decide on doing with the story or not.
JosephTheSnail (talk) 04:01, 22 January 2023 (UTC)JosephTheSnail
- Sorry, but this story still doesn't pass the quality standards. The same issues as before mostly apply, so I'll be more specific in my feedback this time:
- Firstly, the stuff you've added really hasn't helped. The second tape has a serious lack of description and its pacing is offbeat with the rest of the story. The exposition dump at the end is also very forced; it's good that you've attempted to act on my previous criticism, but the solution to a story lacking detail is not just to shove all the answers in one of the closing paragraphs. There's also a lot about the new ending that doesn't make sense:
- "The DVD was made in my great-aunt’s house, and it was made by her ex-husband. He went mad and started kidnapping children and other unfortunate people who participated in his show; The costumed cat was made by him to lure people inside."
- This is the first mention of the tapes being part of a "show". There's no real suggestion of that in the story - it feels very forced to sporadically mention it here. Also, how exactly did he "lure people inside" with the cat costume? An adult is not going to see a fully grown man in a costume and be "lured" by it. Besides, we know the house is a suburban area; no kid who is old enough to wander around on their own is going to be lured by it either. Also, speaking of the cat thing:
- "The cat is prominently white, but has black patches and spots; an absurdly large Maine Coon? No, it appears to be a person in a cat costume."
- Maine Coons may be big, but there's no way a fully grown man would pass for one. This is a silly detail to include if you're not going to signpost it in some way, maybe by saying that the picture went blurry or that it was some sort of camera trick.
- In terms of grammar and syntax, there are reoccurring issues in the form of tense switches and awkward wording of sentences. You should ideally be doing more proofreading to weed out instances of this, as it weighs the story down considerably. I'll include some examples below:
- "The screen suddenly cuts to the costumed man eating from a bowl; a bowl of seemingly ground-up meat from a human or animal, a blender was also seen in the background." (awkward sentence)
- "He sits down alongside her; still costumed. The man sat still for a moment, until he eventually started to twitch, seeming to reflect for quite a long time until eventually, the twitches turned into sharp, erratic, but deliberate motions of the body." (tense switch and awkward sentence)
- "The woman lets out a shriek so loud that the camera audio struggles to pick it up. A shriek was so deafening that the man shields his ears and yells indecipherably." (tense switch)
- The overriding problem I have with this story is that it doesn't feel like there's any real point or purpose to anything that's happening narrative-wise, just that it's meant to be scary for the sake of being scary. If you really want to get this story appealed, I would advise sitting down and actually working out a way of interlinking all these plot points to form one coherent whole, and then thinking about how to effectively communicate that whole to the reader (without using an exposition dump). The randomicity and heaps of unanswered questions do nothing to help you here.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 22:14, 25 January 2023 (UTC)
The Monster That Ate My Older Sister and Me (DENIED)[]
Hey I'm back once again trying to get my Story The Monster That Ate My Older sister and Me to be accepted onto this wiki. I failed last time, and took the advice of Cornconic So her is the second revamped version of The Monster That Ate My Older Sister and Me
Please again I ask for a quick response.
—Preceding unsigned comment added by Godzillafan1978 (talk • contribs).
- Hey so I'm still waiting for a response, I left this a while ago
- —Preceding unsigned comment added by Godzillafan1978 (talk • contribs).
- There are many issues still present in this story, most of which could be rectified with some editing and proofreading.
- Examples:
- "Hanna was the best older sister I could ask her." Do you mean "ask for"?
- "However before she could She and I both heard a loud crash." Capitalization of "she".
- “N Nothing, can we just go back inside”? Something to indicate a stutter such as "N-Nothing" or "No... nothing".
- "through the glass of the sliding back door.." Three dots (...) is an ellipsis, one dot (.) is a period, two dots (..) is nothing.
- "...she too looked scared,but..." always leave a space after commas, periods, question marks, etc.
- "abducted Hanna, and murdered into the woods..." Murdered into the woods doesn't really make sense. Do you mean, murdered her in the woods?
- There are plenty more of these mild technical errors that could be fixed through editing.
- Other issues are a bit more logically significant.
- Examples:
- "Hanna was ten" ->"Hanna was very smart, and mature for her age. She was a straight A student in all of her classes, and excelled at solving hard math problems." Perhaps Hanna ought to be a bit older, if her being a straight A student is something of significance? Elementary school grades are hardly considered challenging.
- "One day our parents said they needed to drive into town to visit our Aunt who had invited them for a night out drinking, and told us that they would be leaving us with a babysitter since they would be gone for more than 12 hours..." It would probably just make more sense to focus on them going out of town for the evening, rather than a 12 hour drinking bender that they tell their children about.
- "...but it had ears, big ears, that must have been how it found food, by listening for prey. I stood frozen for a few seconds, before it turned, and seemed to look in my direction." I strongly doubt that a five year old would be able to not only recognize a creature that hunts by sound, but keep their composure and stay still in the face of a terrifying beast such as this one. Perhaps she was paralyzed by fear, or something?
- If the creature hunts by sound, why does it not immediately pounce once they start fleeing? Why does it stalk them upstairs, as they hide (presumably making less noise)?
- How is she unscathed if she was submerged in the same stomach juices that dissolved her sister into mere bones in under two hours? She's simply "bleeding," not suffering lesions? Sores? Mild eczema? Why did she even survive?
- "I knew they wouldn’t believe me about the monster swallowing her, and me So I said that I didn’t know, and that Hanna just told me to hide in her cupboard." Five-year-olds tell all sorts of tales, why does she immediately assume that this one, being true, would be immediately discounted? She could have at least tried.
- In closing: Most, if not all, of the same issues that Cornconic pointed out are still present, albeit some in different forms. There are many strange and illogical choices that are made in the story, and unreasonable details surrounding its happenings. Really pay attention to why we point these issues out, do not just shuffle details up. Focus on what will make sense for the reader.
- Also, please do not rush us. It can be frustrating enough handling the goings on of the wiki without someone rushing us to review their rushed story. Take your time, slow things down.
The Problem with Sara (DENIED)[]
This is a deletion appeal for my story called "The Problem with Sara."
First, there's the claim that it wasn't finished. It was. The plot is pretty simple. A discontent person tries to escape their feelings of lack of control by hooking up, but it only makes them worse. It's a short plot complete with a character who takes an action and then changes as a result. The ending is a cliffhanger that hints at a bad mental health outcome.
As for the story not being material for this wiki, I thought it was. Sure, there is some smut in there, but that's because it's the action that makes the character's mental health worse. Mental health can be pretty terrifying because there's not much that's worse than your own mind turning against you.
That's my response. If this doesn't get it reuploaded, I'd like some information on how it could be revised to meet the quality standards.
Creeper60 (talk) 18:41, 6 February 2023 (UTC)Creeper60
- Apologies for the delay. The key issue with your upload is that by a somewhat wide margin, it falls far from the general concept of “Creepypasta” or horror literature. We look for stories that shock, unsettle, and frighten people in the moment of reading the work. A story about mental illness by itself, or the starting of it thereof, is ambiguous enough that the general impact of said concept diminishes the further away one gets. To clarify, just because a story has scary topics, does not necessarily make for good “horror”, that is to say, feelings of intense dread and/or disgust. To an audience and culture that is fairly familiar with the damages of self harm, its not a horrific concept, its a sad reality. Similarly, if my mother died from Alzheimer’s, or a man shot himself on a livestream, does that really make for effective horror rather than a retelling of a scenario that happened? Consequentially, Creepypasta at large is about embellishment of true things and blending them with reality, to make readers doubt their senses. Otherwise if we allowed every story about self harm onto the wiki, then that just opens the flood gates to every other story, true or fiction, that essentially just retells a sequence of events. And I say “retelling” because by default, depression is someone basically everyone goes through.
- As per the story conclusion, its still open-ended enough that this threat of self harm is a few abstractions away from feeling impactful. We neither witness nor can infer that the protagonist follows through with their intent or if they change their mind after/midway. Additionally the story barely attempts to build up her reasoning behind “control” to begin with; In the story, its implied just barely that her home life may not be up to standards of living. It just reads to be a rather drastic and sudden stance change for a character whom we know not too much about.
- If I had to suggest something to change this - and I’m trying to leave this open without compromising the story you want to tell - look at the story The Blood Canvas. It is a bizarre and grotesque nightmare about self harm and depression, and while you don’t necessarily have to go about building a gigantic dreamscape lore to justify your idea, it should ideally be something thats meaningful and sufficiently shocking. And ofc, without devaluing our own experiences, depression happens to everyone: how do you tell a story about self-harm, that hasn’t been explored before? What do you have to say on the topic that really opens the floodgates on why we (the audience) should collectively be afraid of self harm? Is there perhaps a way to exaggerate or make the concept more “broadly specific” that makes readers appreciate it more, and by proxy, their own life? Remember that horror is also about establishing morals and reinforcing sacred ideals; if theres a lesson to be learned, that matters just as much as the reason anyone may commit self-harm. So to summarize, if you can embellish the story or go so in depth that the horror becomes more apparent, I believe we have a spot open for it. In the meantime, this appeal will be closed since there is no draft to read at the moment.
- If there is another story that similarly violates this principle(s), feel free to also bring it up as we are definitely not against revising older policies. Good luck. William See (talk) 03:46, 14 February 2023 (UTC)
The Hospital Incident (DENIED)[]
Hello, I recently discovered that my short story "The Hospital Incident" was deleted cause of the (honestly very annoying) "quality standards". I am trying to figure out what standards I didn't meet and if it was because of how the call was formatted...that's just how a transcript call is made. I checked spelling mistakes and I wasn't corrected at all. Please reconsider deleting this story as I feel like it was a good short creepy story with a nice format of it being told through a phone call...
—Preceding unsigned comment added by LOCAL2COM (talk • contribs).
- Your story is not going to be approved for appeal without you having made significant changes to improve its quality. All the reasoning for its deletion is on your talk page.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 18:04, 11 April 2023 (UTC)
The Tiffany Devil (DENIED)[]
I was wondering if you could bring back The Tiffany Devil because that was probably my favorite of my creepypasta ideas and I am not the only one who thinks this. Leonwriter commented to a text where I told them to check out the story telling me to keep it up. I mean, I have other people's opinion on this! Also, the story was quite the horror story. It is definitely the kind of story one would expect to be a creepypasta.
In conclusion, I feel like we should revive The Tiffany Devil because of these reasons. Please do it. It would make my day.
—Preceding unsigned comment added by Davidm.meisenheime (talk • contribs).
- Your story is not going to be approved for appeal without you making significant changes to improve its quality. 'The Tiffany Devil' was cliched and suffers from a lack of detail and uneven pacing in certain aspects. The trope of "book summons a monster when read" is very generic and nothing is done in the story to make it unique or interesting. There is also a lot of blatant exposition in the story that slows things down and spoon-feeds the plot to the reader. Just because the story had horror elements that made it appropriate thematically to be a creepypasta does not mean it meets the quality standards.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 22:13, 2 July 2023 (UTC)
VHS-collection 4 for rejected tapes (DENIED)[]
Hello, during June was someone editing my creepypasta "VHS-collection 4 for rejected tapes" and soon thereafter was it deleted from the site for issues with the quality standards despite the fact that it had already been up for for well over a year without anyone expressing any issue with its' quality. So I'm now wondering what issue you found in it that wasn't apperent before? Was it the edits or did you previously miss to check the story?
—Preceding unsigned comment added by Dagge12 (talk • contribs).
- I apologise that your story was kept up for so long before we reviewed its quality. Its relative length meant that it took a while to fully read and assess, especially with so many other stories on the site to look at.
- One issue with the story that led to its deletion was that it is very random and unfocused. There is hardly any justification for the events of any of the tapes - things just seem to occur for the sake of being creepy. The tapes themselves were also cliched in some aspects, and the exposition at the end doesn't do a lot to piece together the story, despite its ham-fisted delivery.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 22:13, 2 July 2023 (UTC)
Sam The Bomber (DENIED)[]
Hello! I recently saw my ‘Sam The Bomber’ pasta was deleted, but I don’t think it deserves such, let me go get 2 points,
1. Cliff hanger
I’ve seen many pastas with cliff hangers on both Fandom and many other sites, so I don’t think this should be cause of such a big deal
2. Mafia bombs
like said in the review: the mafia does not use bombs EVERY DAY, but when looking threw history they have used bombs many times, like the via D'Amelio bombing or the Capaci bombing, terrorist attacks by the Sicilian *mafia*, so honestly I think the mafia has a small collection of bombs, but not a stockpile
thank you for reading my post dear mods
—Preceding unsigned comment added by PizzaPastaCat (talk • contribs).
- Your story is not going to be approved for appeal without you having made significant changes to improve its quality. Regarding your 'points':
- 1.) It's true that a cliffhanger in of itself is not an appropriate reason for a story's deletion. An ending cliffhanger can be done well (see: The Thing, Blade Runner, American Psycho, etc.) but the problem with yours is that it occurs right in the middle of the action for no discernable reason. It comes across like you didn't know where to take the story from there, so you just ended it.
- 2.) Those events you mentioned are isolated incidents. If the mafia had bombs, they'd be planning something specific, not just leaving them around and "testing" them for shits and giggles. You've also not acknowledged why the Mafia has access to missiles or what kind of "bombs" these even are (I assume you're not just visualising a big black ball with a rope hanging out of it).
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 22:13, 2 July 2023 (UTC)
Why was 5/5/2024 deleted? (DENIED)[]
Was it because of poor grammar or something? I've checked the story on some grammar checkers and almost no problems were found there. Why was my story deleted?
—Preceding unsigned comment added by Tarmanian (talk • contribs).
- 5/5/2024 was deleted due to issues with the story's general premise and narrative, as well as some problems with syntax. As a whole, it's very meandering and ramble-like, with no real indication of why the protagonist knows so much about future events or what they're even talking about. The news broadcast also has several nonsensical elements, in particular the protagonist overhearing the newscasters' conversation. In terms of grammar, there was an overuse and incorrect use of ellipses, which are supposed to look like this: ..., not this: ................
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 22:23, 28 July 2023 (UTC)
Mine pastas (DENIED)[]
WHY THE HEck did you erased them how your standards works may i ask i thought mine previous one had too less gore and now idk you deleted it again i wait for an answer because idk why are you so picky about it
—Preceding unsigned comment added by Kryczyński (talk • contribs).
The Titan of Ghost Trains, The Ghost Giant (DENIED)[]
Nobody ever believes in my ghost story of Colossus the Ghost Giant. If you would undelete it, despite that it was me who made it up, perhaps the Ghost Train saga wouldn't have ended this far.
Unfortunately, I cannot deny that my very own Other Character, was created out of madness, and that he would ever harm the railway by any means. Nevertheless, I would believe in my heart, Colossus would never harm his friends, especially when he's so-called King of the Ghost Trains.
If you deny my made-up story of him, any ghost train enthusiast thinking about other ghost trains on this matter, would immediately just stick to other ghost train encounters.
That story is indeed one of the encounters. Same with the Big Six Ghost Train.
Don't believe that superstition with him go undone? Check out the story itself.
Link: https://www.deviantart.com/jasonsembrano2000/art/The-Ghost-Giant-2023-Full-Story-990605639
I understand from the bottom of my heart if you wish to deny this request, and thank you for reading. Many apologies if I offended any "ghost trains fans" from submitting new ghost train stories.
Jason R. Sembrano (talk) 12:57, 2 November 2023 (UTC)
- Denied as no edited draft was provided. William See (talk) 17:45, 2 November 2023 (UTC)
I don't understand why. (DENIED)[]
literally took time for me to make these 2 stories, and they got deleted. the first time my first story got deleted, i was like "alright, maybe i need to improve, but keep the same style but put more text and detail it more," but apparently it doesn't meet your qualities. Honestly, i find so many stupid and cliche creepypastas all the time myself, and they just try to much its cringey. Atleast i give an inside of what happens and what not, but some of these creepypastas that are still up to this day, are so edgy. I don't get it, if one of yall could explain, if youll even read this..
—Preceding unsigned comment added by 2ff2rw (talk • contribs).
- Please don't use this page to ask for general feedback on your deleted story. This page is for directly and specifically contesting deletions only. Use the talk page of the admin who deleted your story to ask why it was deleted.
I understood why my story was deleted...but why (DENIED)[]
for those who are unaware, i made a story called the countdown and it got deleted, when releasing a demo. Then when i uploaded the countdown finished, it got deleted but this time it actually told me this time. It didn't meet quality standards. The whole reason i released the countdown is for others in comments tell me what i could do better. Bit harsh? I know this is like the Sonic.exe case but that wasn't a test. I'm not going to argue bu ngl i thought this place was like Youtube where anything goes. Me being a 12 year old now feels more like i'm cooking food for Gordon Ramsey. I get this would most likely be easy for someone who's use to writing horror but i'm a comedian. At first i thought it was because there was suicide in it but then again, red mist and plankton got served would prove wrong. So all I'm asking is that i can put it up without it being deleted same day.
—Preceding unsigned comment added by Crimson diamond 26 (talk • contribs).
- Please don't use this page to ask for general feedback on your deleted story. This page is for directly and specifically contesting deletions only. Use the talk page of the admin who deleted your story to ask why it was deleted.
- That's what i used it for.
- —Preceding unsigned comment added by Crimson diamond 26 (talk • contribs).
- To contest your story's deletion, you need to follow the guidelines at the top of the page. Since you did not do that, your appeal was automatically denied.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 00:47, 27 March 2024 (UTC)
Sleepwalker change of story (DENIED)[]
I was about to change the whole story when it was suddenly deleted after so can i at least write it again but differently?
—Preceding unsigned comment added by Alkastar2742 (talk • contribs).
- Follow the guidelines at the top of the page.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 13:51, 18 March 2024 (UTC)
"komi the doll" (DENIED)[]
this was orginally made by me??? and you've deleted it on me it was based off my real life doll??/ thats called kokomi i call her komi the short i worked hard on this?? and i didnt even know it got deleted onto i got back on i cant go back and copy and paste what i wrote because you deleted it????
- Appeal denied due to lack of procedure.William See (talk) 23:37, 29 June 2024 (UTC)
Take a Picture (DENIED)[]
i hope this doesn't come off as me having an attitude or anything, i would just genuinely like to ask why exactly my story was deemed not to meet the wiki's quality standards?
it has been properly spellchecked (aside from a few instances where i purposely don't use spacing for effect), and i don't really think it constitutes as being a wall of text. i'm not really sure if there's any other specific technical issues i need to fix but i guess i should just leave this below again to see if there's anything in particular not deemed to fit the standards. thank you!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15eK6b5uuENOXpiWDnHbpQscwEKuYYjtYugd7KUHoI_k/edit
Transbeargirl (talk) 012:01, 29 August 2024 (UTC)
- 'Take a Picture' was deleted to due to issues with a thin, repetitive plotline with little actual substance. The entire work is dedicated to outlining how insufferably miserable this person's life is, to the point of obnoxiousness. It comes across more like a vent piece than a horror story. While there is reasoning provided as to why the protagonist is experiencing what they are, it takes a comparatively small part of the story's attention. The obsession of the paparazzi borders on absurdity and not enough context is really established at any point in the story. You clearly have a decent grip of syntax but you need to work on applying it in a way that furthers some sort of narrative instead of just being explicit and miserable for explicit and miserable's sake.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 15:26, 31 August 2024 (UTC)
Talia's Shadow (rewritten) (DENIED)[]
I hope I'm doing this right, I'm a novice writer, and the original draft I wrote in my note's app on my phone. I'm prepared for any criticism, and I would love some advice on how to make my work better.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NoZfj-bSSDmakWkvY9J4McQIty0DCrenl3kbe_sdKO8/edit
Ragdoll15000 (talk) 02:17, 9 October 2024 (UTC)
- Your open approach to receiving feedback and improving your work is appreciated. The only problem is that I don't have access to the link you sent; you need to change it so that anyone with the link can access the page.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 17:13, 9 October 2024 (UTC)
- Here, it should work now, I didn't notice when I copied the link that it was set to private, my apologies. here's the new link.
- Ragdoll15000 (talk) 18:39, 9 October 2024 (UTC)
- I'm going to have to deny the submittance of this story for several reasons. The most prominent is that the general outline of the narrative is pretty similar to Jeff the Killer (teenager with mental illness kills their parents and escapes). The additional trope you've included, an imaginary friend coming to life, is also fairly generic and cliched in its portrayal. It meant that I had a pretty good understanding of where the narrative was going to go and what was going to happen.
- Additionally, while your syntax definitely isn't terrible, there were quite a few instances where I was tripped up by your choice of wording or sentence structuring. I would advise reading your work out load in the future to catch awkward moments, like where parts don't flow into each other very well.
- Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 15:30, 11 October 2024 (UTC)