Creepypasta Wiki:Deletion Appeal

Shortcut: CP:DA

If your page has been deleted, leave a message on this page with your reason as to why it should be undeleted. Please remember to include the name of the pasta and the {{unrev}} template in a section header at the bottom of the page (like this: == Pasta name here {{unrev}} ==). Please sign your posts, with four tildes (~~~~). Failure to sign your appeal in this manner will result in IMMEDIATE denial. Your appeal will also be immediately denied if you fail to provide a copy of your story.

Please note that this is not a place to ask why your story was deleted; it's for contesting deletions. If you'd like feedback on your story and/or specific reasons as to why it was deleted, you can try posting it on the writing help forum for feedback before making an appeal. If you don't have a copy of your story, you can message an admin beforehand and they will provide a copy to use in the writer's workshop or for revision. Admins are not obligated to give a reason for denying an appeal.

Also note that almost every story is deleted for a reason, making a deletion appeal without having a revised copy of the story in pastebin or having a link to the re-worked version on the writer's workshop will likely result in your story being denied and the administrator pointing out the reasons why they deleted the story.

For administrators: When accepting or rejecting stories, please use one of the two status templates below.

{{d-small}} — for when an appeal is rejected.
{{a-small}} — for when an appeal is accepted.

For a list of successfully appealed stories, visit this page.

(Archives)

Disney - White Noise (DENIED)

Hi,

I just came to ask why my story was deleted? I'd just like to know why, as there wasn't really a proper reason given. Please respond, I've been working on that story for quite some time, and I'd like to know why it was removed.

Thanks. —Preceding unsigned comment added by DubstepMouse (talk • contribs).

It was deleted because it wasn't up to quality standards, which is also why this appeal is being turned down. For having three days to revise your story, there are an inordinate number of errors here ranging from capitalization, punctuation, wording, to story issues.

Capitalization: Improperly capitalized words. ""Daddy, why is Mickey being so scary?" He (he) asked,", ""H-How (H-how) did you..."", "move. pulled (Pulled) out knives,", " frozen. and slit their own throats.", etc.

Punctuation: A number of sentences are missing punctuation. "The episode on the tape: "White Noise"(.)", "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha", etc. Punctuation left outside of quotations. ""Your heart will suffer greatly",", ""... It's not over yet...",", ""Suffer", he said.", etc. Punctuation improperly used. "The mascots then reached to their sides,(should be a period as it ends a paragraph)"

Wording: "my occupation consists of research on historical phenomenon (phenomenons should be used as you reference multiple events).", "it peaked (piqued) my interest.", "Mar just stared at the bloody mess", etc. Redundancies: "it's part of my job to examine such things, but there was one thing in particular." There are a lot of fragmented sentences here. "Huge mistake.", "For fucking children.", "He spoke.", etc.

Story issues: Starting with the basics, this feels like you were attempting to do a lost episode story (Protagonist receives a mysterious video from an unknown source that contains pointless gore). The person who originally marked it for review also mentioned its use of cliches. A majority of your paragraphs are only one sentence long. While this can be done once in a while for effect, doing it ten plus times comes off like padding. As does cutting sentences off midway through:

"Then he grinned,

and stuck his hand in the propeller."

Story issues cont.: The flow of the story needs review as you have lines like this: "I'm forced to step out of my comfort zone to take a look at something. Whether it be an old doll, or anything generic like that." that directly contradict. How is something outside of his range of expertise considered generic? The latter half of the story feels very rushed. All in all, there is a lot of work to be done here with the formatting, capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues so the story is not up to quality standards and this appeal is being turned down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:02, March 23, 2016 (UTC)

I understand, but if I were to apply said edits, would that give my story a chance to stay? Just curious.

The appeal is for contesting deletions, that opportunity has passed. See the header above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:54, March 23, 2016 (UTC)

The Wither. (DENIED)

I have re-edited my story The Wither http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:520068

I have tried my best to fix grammar mistakes (But I know I probably missed some) and I tried to give The Wither more description and the main character a little more personality.

DYLAN LABONTE (talk) 17:34, January 8, 2016 (UTC)DYLAN LABONTE

I'm sorry, but no. I'm going to be very blunt here. You've changed very little here and ignored previous advice given to you by both Whitix and me.

Whitix said: "Additionally, you've got tense changes and sentence fragments scattered throughout the story, which you'll need to go through and pick out." (Tense issues: ""Oh cool. You should get me one of the games you create." she says.", ""I bet it's going to fail," she says, giggling.", ""I(')m coming for you," he says.", "He then walks off and I am just sitting there until Katelyn breaks my trance.", etc. Overuse of fragmented sentences: "Death.", "But he won't let me die.", etc.)

I said in the previous denial: "You forget to capitalize sentences." "asked. she (She) wiped a", "I whispered. she hugs me back.", ""let’s go." I said.", etc. You also misscapitalize words in the middle of sentences and forget to properly capitalize the start of sentences. "We went into a coffee shop, After a...", " I said. after a long pause...".

I also said this: """W-What are you?"" When stuttering (unless it's a proper noun), the following stutter should be lowercase." and you've not corrected it. Another ignored message you haven't bothered to change: "You really should cut back on the word "said". It appears 40+ times in a two-three page story (sometimes in rapid succession)."

I'm sorry but a majority of this issues and still here and frankly, I feel like I'm now spending more time on this story than you are. I'm turning down this appeal AND I'm locking your post in the writer's workshop as you don't seem interested in improving the story or taking advice which is wasting other users' time. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:53, January 8, 2016 (UTC)

Untitled Message (DENIED)

—Preceding unsigned comment added by Itkitt (talk • contribs).

I'm sorry, but the issues Jayten pointed out are still here. So I have no choice but to turn down the appeal as the story falls well below our quality standards.

Punctuation issues: When you shorten a word, you need to replace the missing letters with an apostrophe. "thunder (')cause I" You forget to use apostrophes in contractions. "whats right for me" Punctuation missing from dialogue/messages: "if you say " no "", " he will reply " Okay, see you tomorrow "", etc.

Wording/spelling issues: A lot of awkward phrasing. "I can't take it anymore but meet more friends that is alike me.", "I hurried into the home page and search for group chat,", " I met one and two and then three users which is alike me, they are nice and kind.", etc. I'm sorry, but if English isn't your first language, I would strongly suggest getting someone who is fluent to help you. "it turns out a sucess!", "the asks you if ", etc.

Wording issues cont.: Plural words need an s on the end and singular words don't. "I can't move any muscle", " my hearts is bumping", "I sigh and close my eye", etc.. Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "its just", "its my blood"

Tense issues: You are telling the story in past tense so you need to stick to past tense. "as he reply that I should beware.", "he laughed and reply", "I sigh and close my eye", etc.

Story issues: the story is incredibly rushed, riddled with issues, and generic. I'm sorry, but I don't think this story can be salvaged so I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:50, January 10, 2016 (UTC)

Factory town (DENIED)

I have re-edited my story

http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Factory_town?venotify=created .it was original deleted as it was a remake of another story I made and I feel that it is up to standard and if not feedback would br greatly appreciated ~~~~

I told you to hold off as you still have a lot of the same, but since you didn't, I'm afraid I have to deny this story outright. A lot of the issues I pointed out are still here (despite me giving direct examples.) To save time, I will be copy/pasting pieces from my original message.

Formatting issues: Here is how your story was formatted:

It’s been almost thirty years since that day. I was only
thirteen at the time. That place that I am talking about just got demolished
and I fear that whatever the hell was down there is now free from its prison.

Capitalization issues: Incorrectly capitalized words: "them In front of Him", "“That’s would be Ironic,”", additionally "Iron" should not be capitalized. The sins of father shall be put to my justice,” It groaned

Punctuation issues: Commas missing where pauses are implied. “Yeah I’ll go grab him for you now.” , “Sup James(,) you out?”, "What met me there was my three best friends Tony, John and Pete", "“Well it’s better than hanging around at the park that’s for sure.", "“Look(,) I know you don’t like card games but you shouldn’t be standing by your own like this,”" etc. Punctuation missing from dialogue: “We are so alike you and I. Together we can purge all of those that have abandoned us”

New punctuation issues: "“Right, let’s get the chairs and the table,” Tony said pulling out a cigarette and placing it in his mouth.”(quotation not needed for actions)", "“Yeah, let’s get them,” John said.”(not needed)", etc.

Wording issues: Spelling issues: "O yeah Pete did you bring some cards to pass the time?", "sportsman ship", "Iron ore vain (vein)". Grammatical issues: you're=you are, your=possession "“No(,) your wrong my friends are getting help.”", "“Shut the fuck up, your just too pussy to hear the grim reality of what happened at the abandoned houses.”", "“Cause your scared of the ghost kid haha,”", etc. Awkward wording: " All it was, was a big square with three of its side’s lines with houses"

I'm sorry, but not only does this have a lot of the same issues with the story, punctuation, capitalization, spelling, and wording, but it also has new ones. I'm turning down this appeal and recommending you read messages that have been sent to you (especially warnings) as I am not going to go this in-depth again if you're going to repeat the same issues. A final note: This is not all of the issues present in your story. If you reupload it again like you did last time after making minor corrections, it will be deleted again. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:37, January 13, 2016 (UTC)

The Fox and the Rabbit (DENIED)

Here is a edited version, after being run through spellcheck and my own little minor edits, as I think my main issue was the ending, which after reading it a third time through, seemed very abrupt for no reason: http://pastebin.com/QrHy6S3S

Please let me know if this can be appealed, and if not, salvaged, as I think this story could have a lot of potential to be something very interesting. Thank you. ThatBroncosFan (talk) 23:54, January 13, 2016 (UTC)

The story was deleted for not being up to quality standards and since they're are little changes made here, I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down this appeal. There are numerous capitalization, punctuation, wording, grammatical, formatting, and story issues.

Capitalization issues: Dialogue needs to be properly capitalized. "what(What)?" Additionally since you are using both the Fox and the Rabbit as titles, they need to be properly capitalized. Improperly capitalizing after dialogue. "All your troubles will be gone." The (the) monster said.", ""Don't worry little rabbit, I will help you." The (the) voice told him.", etc.

Punctuation issues: "I, I did it!" If you're using a stammer, you should really use a hyphen. Punctuation missing from dialogue. "I can't be caught here when someone finds this body" he said.", "'Thank you!' said the rabbit"(.)", "I...am the fox" the figure said.", etc. You also forget to use quotations in dialogue: "the fox replied. 'So you better treat me.' the fox threatened. I, am the fox. You, are the rabbit"

Wording issues: ""I, I did it! I finally killed him!" Daniel exclaimed. "Now the mafia will get off my ass, right? They better!" said Daniel." Why is Daniel identified as speaking twice? There are no intervening actions or dialogue of it really isn;t necessary to say he exclaimed and spoke. You also do that here: "'Sure, I will help you!' said the fox. 'How could I ever leave you here?' said the fox," It's=it is, its=possession. "it's alarm" You're=you are, your=possession. "'Your welcome'"

Story issues: The dialogue needs to be seriously broken up so no two speakers are ever talking on the same line. It muddles who's saying what and it tends to make the text difficult to read. "'Please help, kind sir!' called out the rabbit. 'I have been trapped!' The fox gave the rabbit a greedy smile. 'Sure, I will help you!' said the fox. 'How could I ever leave you here?' said the fox, as he helped the rabbit out of the trap. 'Thank you!' said the rabbit"" The story feels very rushed and the real lack of description results in a weaker story. I'm sorry, but this story is not ready for the site due to its numerous capitalization, punctuation, wording, grammatical, formatting, and story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:06, January 14, 2016 (UTC)

My warning (DENIED)

I don't fully understand why my story got deleted. Could an admin please explain? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Slenderdude987 (talk • contribs).

Your story was deleted because it was not up to quality standards. Since it's a journal entry, I won't focus too heavily on the punctuation (periods missing from complete parenthetical sentences, commas misused, etc.) capitalization (not capitalizing proper nouns and improperly capitalized words), and wording issues (multiple fragmented sentences, awkward wording, etc) and will instead focus on the story aspect.

Formatting/coding issues: Thi issue is present every time you try to underline phrases. "TeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeethTeeth<u"

Story issues: For being a journal entry-style story, these entries don't feel like journals at all. Starting with the basics, a lot of the entries are incredibly rushed and try to cut right to the horror aspect which makes the posts feel rushed/underdeveloped. Then there's the point where you detail the person hour by hour. "M eats breakfast. He stares at his food 5 minutes before eating it. 8:55 M locks himself in his room. I peer through the window and see him on his computer. 9:31" It comes off as being incredibly unrealistic.

Story issues cont.: The creepy pasta name dropping really just weakens the story. As seen in this journal entry: "He picks up a pair of scissors and tries to slit his wrists, but I wrestle them out of his hands. He simple crumples to the floor. He cries. I ask him what it is. He simply whispers "The slender man. The slender man." First off, why is he writing it in present tense especially when the entry opens in past tense? "I watched him all day after yesterday, so I knew everything that happened." I'm sorry but this plot feels very underdeveloped and the ending is fairly lackluster. As this is the second story of yours I've deleted for not being up to quality standards and for using a lot of cliches/tropes, I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:41, January 22, 2016 (UTC)

The Wrath of Abaddon (DENIED)

I have edited my short story "The Wrath of Abaddon " to fit the quality standards. It is my understanding that it was deleted most likely because of the text being all black from me copying it from my writing program. Or possibly because I forgot to capitalize A sentence starter near the beginning of the story. Either way, they are both fixed.

Either way, I hope you'll give it A read and make the decision you feel is best.

The Redder Baron (talk) 23:02, January 23, 2016 (UTC)

Actually we delete stories for reasons beyond a few coding issues and capitalization issues. Your story still has these issues so the appeal is being turned down. I would suggest waiting for feedback before making an appeal as authors have a tendency to overlook issues. Starting with the basics, your story/the post/the writer's workshop post has coding issues that make the story look like this in editor mode: "Yours truly" This makes it incredibly difficult to edit. Please use source mode when posting to prevent these issues. Additionally you do not need to indent paragraphs, doing so actually causes formatting errors.

Capitalization issues: "U.S.H.E Standing (standing) for the United States Humane Experiments". Not properly capitalize the start of multiple sentences. "household. there (There) were paintings strung up", " had everything. for (For) instance water,(comma not needed) and television.", "pie or noodles. but (But) instead something much more sinister.", "star. he (He) then lit the candles which sparked a brilliant yet small red flame.", etc.

Punctuation issues: Compound words need hyphens as they directly impact each other. "disturbing looking humanoid" Punctuation is missing from dialogue: " “You must do this to survive”, "if you don't you will die”, etc. Punctuation missing before dialogue: "Abaddon replied(,) “I’m hungry.”"

Wording issues: Awkward wording. "Abaddon was raised at the U.S.H.E since birth, so therefore that was the only name came up for him." (Also how does that impact naming?) Homophone issues: "Other then (than) that he basically" Redundancy issues: "Typically a commercial for a meat product, but sometimes commercials", you also have a tendency to repeat the name Abaddon multiple times in a paragraph after previously establishing he's the subject. "a (an) email"

Story issues: There really isn't much explanation for the reason of introducing a girl into the environment. There's very little detail of Abaddon himself despite the entirety of the story focusing on him. The plot feels very rushed and the president's letter at the end feels tacked on. " always.This(space needed) research in cognitive development and mind control will aid us in project MKUltra." I'm sorry but there are a lot of issues here so I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:22, January 23, 2016 (UTC)

Arlington manor (DENIED)

I think my story Arlington manor has the right kind of scare. also that my grammar and spelling has been corrected wherever possible. I mean I took the help of my English teacher before uploading it. the story is more about him than anything else.

Stan 'psyco' cooper (talk) 16:27, January 25, 2016 (UTC)

I have to agree with SoPretentious here: "The story was rushed, the details brushed over too lightly. There was little impact, and nothing that leaves the reader with much to cling to. Paragraph #2 is a good example, and it is early on: "I remember the day we met(,) the poor guy(,) he was being swindled by a con man(.) I helped him out and that’s how we became friends. Anyway, he also happens to be a great believer in ghosts, you probably know where this is going, don’t you?" How was he swindled? How was he helped out? Being a believer in ghosts is not adding to the story, it seems unconnected and the random information is not cohesive throughout the story. It would be better with more impactful events and more suspense."

Additionally there are a lot of punctuation errors here. Punctuation missing/improperly used: "leave me alone(,)” I screamed", "“Whiskey.(,)” I said", You also overuse ellipses and weaken their effectiveness (10+ times in a story that is about a page long is excessive, etc. Capitalization errors: "He asked and I quote, “hey (Hey) John,", "the (The) bet was set.", " “leave me alone,", etc. I'm sorry, but beyond the story issues, there are a lot of punctuation and capitalization errors as well. I would suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop or asking your teacher to look for these issues. I'm turning down the appeal as the story is not up to quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:55, January 25, 2016 (UTC)

Stalking Vengeance (DENIED)

Hee hee hee... I know why you deleted my story. I didn't read the quality standards first. So... I'm glad you did.

It wasn't finished for one, and I also have forgotten where to ask why exactly it got deleted. I'm wondering if there's anything against occasional profanity in the quality standards. I read them all, but profanity is just one of those things you have to take into consideration, you know? I just want to be safe there. Because i'm obviously not asking you to save my story... I'm just looking for details, on quality etc.

Plus, I'm willing to bet the site is more geared for short stories rather than novels like I was going for. I didn't mean to write a novel but I got carried away. I try to keep them short. I'll plan ahead next time with a word editor rather than just jump into CreepyPasta Wiki and start from scratch.

Any hinters or anything I should know?

♥----Rhett

P.S - Go ahead and deny me by all means, as long as I get my answers. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Rhettski-spooker (talk • contribs).

Profanity is aloud, length doesn't matter, but unfinished stories can't be uploaded. You can upload a series in individual parts as long as each section can be read as a stand alone story and still make sense. Aside from being unfinished, your story had a lot of issues including punctuation/way too many ellipses/capitalization/word usage/formatting/etc. Please look over our Writing Advice pages, read our Style Guide, and consider using our Writer's Workshop for feedback.

Jay Ten (talk) 16:48, January 26, 2016 (UTC)

Not meaning to dog-pile here, but I also had a response typed up. First and foremost, we don't accept unfinished stories. "To be continued... Didn't know this was going to be such a novel." Posting another unfinished page will result in a ban. Additionally you tend to have multiple people speaking on the same line. "Are you TRYING to lose your job?" "Yes sir,"" Two people should never be speaking in the same paragraph as it muddles who's saying what and to who. Additionally your story really doesn't go beyond setting up the premise and character. There really isn't a driving plot here or conclusion.You don't even really make the title relevant as the character doesn't stalk anyone.

Capitalization issues: Failure to capitalize proper nouns. "i thought", " i can't tell", "i really", etc. Unless ending a sentence or following with a proper noun after an ellipse, you should not capitalize the word (as it's a continuation of a sentence) "joy... The (the) office bitch", "a color too... But(but)", "friends are... Another guy", etc.

Punctuation errors: You use ellipses a total of 110+ times. That is excessive for an 8 page story. Overuse of ellipses makes scenes appear melodramatic. Ellipses signify a pause in conversation so it comes off as odd to use them so frequently in the story. A majority of these should be commas or semicolons as well. When listing items, you need to use commas. ""You know, you wouldn't be a lonely hermit in an apartment complex if you had a real career."(,) "You're so out of fashion, do you not know how to dress?"(,) "I'd recommend you to some of my single friends"", etc. Compound items need to be hyphenated. "self help", "mid September", "co worker", etc. Punctuation missing from dialogue. "She's just a co worker". You also forget to use commas when there is a pause indicated in sentence structure.

These were a few of the errors I came across at a glance, meaning that there is more wrong here than just what's listed above. I'm sorry but I'm turning down this appeal and strongly suggesting you use the writer's workshop as you overlooked a lot of issues and the story needs a lot of re-tooling. I hope this helps. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:05, January 26, 2016 (UTC)

bala tharpanam (DENIED)

my story met the quality standards. some of the words are indian and i have put in a glossary the ending of the story has been written like that on purpose. also the story was written by my dad some tome back and was uploaded on another site. which came with good reviews. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Stan 'psyco' cooper (talk • contribs).

The story, while the backstory is a more refreshing concept than most, still falls into the fairly generic 'protagonist is typing out their last moments' storyline that is fairly problematic. It works in Lovecraftian stories as the protagonist is trapped and has no other option. It also has a fair share of issues that resulted in it being below quality standards. Please read the header/introduction to the appeal more carefully. "Also note that almost every story is deleted for a reason (typically due to it not being up to quality standards), making a deletion appeal without having a revised copy of the story in pastebin or having a link to the re-worked version on the writer's workshop will likely result in your story being denied and the administrator pointing out the reasons why they deleted the story." There are multiple capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues present in the story so I'm afraid I have to turn down the appeal.

Capitalization: Dialogue improperly capitalized. “man,” she said, in a voice that marvellously subdued grief and anger and yet expressed both, “You (you)”, “lady”, almost commanded the archer, “Let (let)", "lady,” he said, now addressing the old chieftainess in a voice choked with pain and emotion, “Our (our)", etc. If you are completing a sentence using commas, the continuation should not be capitalized unless it's a proper noun.

Punctuation: Quotations missing from dialogue. “sword, “O God!! My son…(”) Punctuation missing from dialogue. “Even hell will have no respite for you(.)” Improperly used ellipses. “this……how could you?” An ellipse is typically 3-4 periods, adding more does not indicate a longer pause. There should also be a space between those words as ellipses denote a pause in dialogue and having two words joined by one would suggest a single word spoken with a delay: “alas…don’t". Also in the glossary, sometimes you use punctuation and other times you don't. Every entry should have conclusive punctuation.

Wording issues: Awkward phrasing. "almost commanded the archer", "they will thus learn the lesson the story teaches", "He galloped on his horse virtually unopposed right till the riverside", etc. Compound words should be hyphenated as they are directly connected. "fifty five" Overly complex sentences that really should be broken up to help story flow. "We belong to a martial clan, and our forebears were royalty in their own right being vassal chieftains of provinces over which they enjoyed independent authority, though in suzerainty to their liege lord the emperor."

Story issues: The ending comes off as rushed and feels like the generic 'I don't have much time, but I'm going to type even till the end' type of story "The poain in my chest is unbearable I cant breathe any more my nosefeels lika plig has been shoved in n othint jmuy head is bursttin,something in mkjyb b head is WAQINY NTPOMA,M L.,;,/N Z76 GGGGGGGGG", which doesn't make much sense as a glossary is put right below it. Additionally it doesn't make much sense that he would be attacked mid-sentence and then post his story. A lot of the wording is overly flowery and tends to detract from the story more than add to it.

Story issues continued: The ending feels quite rushed as a majority of the story is dedicated to telling the history rather than the protagonist's current situation. In fact, while I was reading it, I almost forgot about the framing device until the protagonist started in again. I'm sorry but this story needs quite a bit of work. Looking over your other stories, you've post a total of three stories that have been deleted by three separate admins, which should really tell you something. I would strongly suggest taking your next story to the writer's workshop (links above) as you have a tendency to overlook quite a bit in your proof-reading and it has a number of story issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:35, January 29, 2016 (UTC)

Spirt in the Cellar (DENIED)

I have made edits to the story and feel that meets the sites standards —Preceding unsigned comment added by J.C.Hinds (talk • contribs).

First and foremost, please read the header above on how to make an appeal. That being said, the story is still not up to quality standards. Additionally A LOT of errors I pointed out are still present here. This is why your appeal is being turned down.

Formatting issues: You combine multiple paragraphs by not putting a full space between them. Here is how your story was formatted (This is an issue I pointed out last time):

It’s been almost thirty years since that day. I was only
thirteen at the time. The place that I am talking about just got demolished,
and I fear that whatever the hell was down there is now free from its prison..

Punctuation issues: You shift between adding a comma on the last word of a list and not doing it. "smoke, gamble, smoke and gamble for smokes." and "chill, Smoke a little, play some cards,". Commas missing where needed. "“Hit me.(,)” I said"", "“Hit me.(,)” I shouted", "“Look I know you don’t like card games but you shouldn’t be standing by your own like this,”", etc.

Capitalization: Improperly capitalized words. "They found a huge Iron (iron) ore vain", " them, He would forget things,", "chill, Smoke a little, play some cards,", "That would be Ironic,”, " interrupted, “yeah my great uncle", etc. I'm sorry, I pointed these out in the past so it is pretty disheartening to see them here again. Please proof-read your next story and take advice under advisement.

Wording: "They found a huge Iron ore vain (vein)", "What met me there was (were) my three best friends", "“Shut the fuck up, your (you're) just too pussy... (repeat issue)", "tell us,” the both yelled with impatience.", etc. "O(Oh) yeah Pete(,) did you bring some cards to pass the time? (Repeat issue)", etc.

I'm sorry, but it's pretty obvious you haven't proof-read this as some of the examples I gave are ignored here. The story issues i pointed out are still present as well. I'm turning down this appeal and giving you a warning. The next time you submit an appeal without bothering to correct the original issues, I will deny it automatically. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:04, January 29, 2016 (UTC)

It is not too late (DENIED)

—Preceding unsigned comment added by ItsTooLate11111 (talk • contribs).

Starting with the basics, your story title was improperly capitalized. While not essential, it is a useful thing to do. "It is not too late" is incorrect and should be in title case. Your story was deleted because the premise was very rushed and there wasn't enough content to make it effective. Addressing the reader directly also tends to backfire due to its tendency to break immersion. Also the ending comes off as pretty Cliche. "You need to do this before the next hour turns or you will die." It makes it feel gimmicky. I'm sorry but this story needs a lot of fleshing out as it's currently extremely underdeveloped and generic. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:26, February 1, 2016 (UTC)

Ebony (DENIED)

Im sorry. But i tried hours on my work and im not letting it be deleted. 3 times i tried. but i didnt give up. so i think it is only fair i get my work back. i based it on a true event which me and my friends mourn over. please, do it for me —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hardsuger (talk • contribs).

I'm sorry but there are way too many issues here. Your story is one large paragraph. It is riddled with spelling errors ("A speacil night.", "you're speacil.", "So Ebony sat up stairs (upstairs),", etc.) Your story also uses multiple characters from other stories which violates out spinoff policy (check your talk page). You also randomly capitalize proper nouns and leave others uncapitalized.

The story is awkwardly told: "And this, my friend, is where my story begins. Because I, am indeed, Ebony." Why exactly would she start the story in a different perspective and shift for no reason? The story also reads like a checklist. "I heard a noise. I saw a flash. I fell into a deep sleep. I woke up to a sudden start." Finally it's a typical OC/CPC story and there isn't any real focus on telling a scary story. It's more like an introduction to your character. I'm sorry but this story is well-below our quality standards even if the story wasn't already in violation of our site rules for featuring characters from other stories, I still would have deleted it for the issues listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:21, February 3, 2016 (UTC)

Evolve (DENIED)

Hello. My story Evolve was tooken down for understandable reasons. Sense then I've revised my story. I feel my story should get another chance because I've edited it.

Forgot to give the story sorry. P.S If there is anything still wrong with it please tell me The Pastebin if you want http://pastebin.com/Myz6zfA6 —Preceding unsigned comment added by NorthPrev (talk • contribs).

I warned you against rushing into the appeal. You didn't take that advice into account so it shouldn't come as much surprise that this is being turned down for still not meeting quality standards. There are multiple issues with capitalization, wording, coding, punctuation, spacing and story.

Punctuation issues: commas missing where a pause is implied. "In 2047(,) fifty (-) five percent of people on this planet", "The government has been hiding it, and for those who are infected(,) they´re put in a remote building.", "In 2050 all hell broke lose.", "Once the general heard this he had had only one order", etc. You use accent marks instead of apostrophes multiple times. "It´s 2048", "There´s fire in the street", "the other´s body", etc. Apostrophes missing from possessive words. " the infected(')s skin"

Capitalization issues: "confinement. fifteen (Fifteen) thousand people are infected now, and the numbers growing.", "The united nations (United Nations) is a group", you also shift between capitalizing "The Capital" and leaving it uncapitalized "rivaled the capital.", "would come back to the capital.".

Wording issues: "These infected though savages are smart.", "Kill everything that moves that doesn’t have a capital logo.", "In their (there) was a man who was completely covered in fungus ,with a sinisterly ,welcoming smile." It's=it is, its=possession. "it’s bones.", "it's disgusting smile", etc. Spacing issues: You improperly space a lot after using punctuation. "bound to happen.Most families", "eat ,and store them.", "They have inhuman reflexes ,and can jump two times higher ,than the average human.", etc.

Story issues: Doing each section as a new year becomes monotonous really quickly, especially when the entries aren't really fleshed out at all. The story also feels very procedural and uninteresting in parts that are supposed to involve the audience. "After a couple of steps he was in point blank range,but then the infected got out a revolver,and shot him in the leg. They then handcuffed the soldier,and brought him back to their colony." You also tend to mention things that aren't explained/referenced properly. "They saw what looked liked a soldier,in juggernaut armor" (As in X-men, a military brand, etc.)

You shift between telling this like a play-by-play story and try to inject more of a dramatic narrative which makes the story feel off. From cataloguing events for each year to "One soldier went to shake it but one soldier didn’t trust him. Right before his hand met the other he shot his head." and then back to cataloguing the year's events. Additionally this doesn't feel like a story and more like the cliff notes for a much larger story you wanted to tell but didn't write. I'm turning down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:01, February 4, 2016 (UTC)

The Glimmer (DENIED)

Hello,

I believe my creepypasta was taken down as it did not meet quality standards.

I personally feel that I had met all standards and I had spent a fair bit of time on this creepypasta. So I kindly ask if you could please appeal my creepypasta please, thank you.

(If not, feedback would be nice)

Story - http://pastebin.com/UXVnxBgw —Preceding unsigned comment added by LordVades (talk • contribs).

Your story was deleted for being below quality standards. Unfortunately it still is below our standards due to a number of punctuation, wording, and story issues still present in the story.

Capitalization issues: Not properly capitalizing sentences. "possible. and (And) I did…" Wording issues: "I had shone my phone torch through the tube, though the torch" Really avoid repeating words in the same sentence as it becomes a bit redundant. "I opened the attachment and a (an) image popped". "a person with salient eyes with a toothy grin" Salient typically means noticeable in these situations so it comes off as odd to say that the most defining trait is the thing's eyes and then not mention anything about what made them noticeable/interesting.

Punctuation issues: Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "person(')s face", "my mother(')s message", "my mate(')s phone" etc. You had this issue on your Rayman pasta as well if I recall. Punctuation missing from sentences. "they were used when the Japanese invaded here(,)”, "he said(period missing)", "Words could not explain how I felt(period missing)", etc.

Story issues: The opening feels really awkward as it just jumps into the story without any real introduction. "My dad’s mate had took us to this old national park that he had went to when he was a kid. He had used to come and watch the helicopters depart from the base with his parents. It was quite a long drive going in." This really feels off when looking at the ending. "Words could not explain how I felt The image didn’t just scare me, it ruined me…" It feels odd they would open the story without really referencing why they were writing it in the first place if it had such a profound effect on them.

Story issues cont.: "My dad bizarrely noticed how fresh cables were also going underground too. I really wanted to know what was happening down there." You really need to focus more on this as it feels completely disconnected from the creature. Additionally the story feels rushed towards the end with the climax and horror of it taking only a couple of paragraphs when a majority of your story is spent describing the park and going to it. This lack of description really weakens the story. In the end, the story feels anti-climactic as there isn't much resolution here or reason for the audience to be scared other than the inclusion of the image. This story needs quite a bit of revision and since it currently is not up to our quality standards, I'm sorry, but I have to turn down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 09:16, February 5, 2016 (UTC)

The masquerade (DENIED)

Sorry for my grammer (Fix them you dumb admins *Hits you on the head* Thats sora your job....)

Sorry that i don't have time To make a story in one day. (Also if incompe storys are not allowed thats fine. and i'm sorry.)

Sorry that they seem run of the mill I have to work on them i mean really.

Also pleaseee don't just do that. i mean really... Also why is part 1 Just a wall of text Sorry thats just how i roll. (Thats how books are...)

Also if part 1 wastent that creepy Sorry i'm just makeing my characters (You have to do that to make a goooddd story)

also thank you for takeing the time reading this —Preceding unsigned comment added by Lilluke9 (talk • contribs).

We fix grammar for stories that we believe are worth salvaging, your story is not one of them. There are multiple errors and this falls well-below our quality standards. Making a story worth reading falls on you as the author. I'm sorry, but this is not good.

Capitalization: You forget to capitalize "I" multiple times. "i like pain and i have self harm scars becuase of it.", " i need them to see.", You don't capitalize sentences. "share. and i'm nice but i can get mad" You randomly capitalize words in the middle of sentences. "Jayblue Looked canfused (sic)", "She said giggleing with husk And woofypants", "He said Then racoogo Held my legs", etc. Proper nouns like names aren't capitalized. "And husk and max where playing with there pushtoys", "out And foxxy said " etc.

Punctuation: Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "bear(')s mask", "Then tomcats voice", etc. Apostrophes missing from contractions. "W-whats", "Shes the killer", etc. You completely abandon punctuation in the middle of your wall of text. Sentences need to have closing punctuation.

Wording issues: "i do look everyone and look at very little thing.", "I keep my things myn I really don't share.", ""And had black roots sicking out and she was white"", etc. There are multiple typos and misspellings here. Their=possession, they're=they are, there=indicatory. It's=it is, its=possession.

Story issues: The story is one large paragraph and is so poorly managed that I had to force myself to read the last bits. The plot is incredibly rushed and feels like you spent zero time proof-reading it. There are so many errors here that it would take hours to catalogue them all (likely more time than you spent writing this story). We do not allow unfinished stories so I'm adding that to the talk page as well. . That being said, you've already been banned for posting spam pages and acting like a whiny child. Looking at your writing skills, I am fairly sure of that. I'm turning down your story because it's obvious you put little to no work into it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:37, February 5, 2016 (UTC)

Mikill Manlíkan (DENIED)

Hello, whomever this may concern. On Thursday evening, I submitted a Creepypasta that I'd recently finished work on. Roughly 3 minutes later, the pasta was removed due to the "Spinoff" rule, and understandably so, since I'd included the already-created pasta, Slender Man, into my story. In response, I went back to my Google Doc and changed the creature of choice from Slender Man to simply an unexplained shadow, mainly because it fits the ending more. Shortly after revising the story, I posted the pasta once more. Since I did not know if there was a way to inform admins that I'd made changes to my story, I posted once more, under the same title, which possibly could have been the reasoning in the second take down. The second story was taken down seconds later and I was banned from posting for two days. Well, I have both versions of my story: original and revised. Original. Revised. Thank you for taking the time to read, and enjoy the rest of your day.

Edit: Here is a screenshot, just in case you need validation of why the story was deleted and why I was temporarily banned.

TheJangoLegacy (talk) 17:04, February 6, 2016 (UTC)

Here is the major issue. The first story pretty directly references Slenderman " He began to approach the now-presumed dead tree, only to find that it was not a tree, but instead a man. The mysterious being stood monstrously tall, taller than any other average man. He wore a black suit, white shirt and red tie, unfamiliar to Alker’s people of the time, so the clothing appeared foreign, yet elegant. He thought it to be a man of distant lands not yet discovered, and then Alker laid his eyes upon the man’s face, yet, there was no face. Just a blank plane of nothing." (You seemed to have used the wrong pastebin link for the first one.) Now looking at the second " He began to approach the now-presumed dead tree, only to find that it was not a tree, but instead a shadow. The mysterious, dark figure stood monstrously tall, taller than any other average man. He was entirely dark, no facial features could be made out, but shared the structure of a normal man. Long wisps of darkness rolled off of his figure, rolling along the forest floor, almost resembling fog or smoke. ... Just a silhouette that stood its ground, and while there were no visible eyes, Alker could feel the deathly gaze upon him. He stood frozen in place as the dark being tilted his head, in curiosity, or in intrigue".

This really feels likes you're still alluding to Slenderman, just trying to make it less noticeable than before. "no facial features could be made out," (faceless), "Long wisps of darkness rolled off of his figure, rolling along the forest floor, almost resembling fog or smoke" (black tendrils), etc. This would be like being warned against using Pennywise in a story and then switching it to describe a clown with pointed teeth that targets children. It still feels like you're using the character, just not directly citing them. This also creates another issue, if this is meant to be an original character/entity, there really isn't enough for the audience to develop an involving story. We get a creature with some similarities to another one, but there isn't enough to make it really seem intimidating or interesting to the audience.

Here is the major crux of your story. It's well told, but really needs a lot of work on the ending. Alker attacks the faceless entity with tendrils and phases through him and now his squire is burnt to ashes. It feels anticlimactic due to the lack of any real effective ending to the story. It just seems like a build-up to this encounter in the woods that really ends too quickly and doesn't do anything with the characters you'd introduced earlier. There isn't enough to really separate it from the numerous other Slenderman-inspired stories: Götterdämmerung, Follow the Leader, Schlankwald, The Blank Face, The Slenderman Cometh, The Tall Man, Tall, Thin, and Faceless that all seem like reiterations of the same premise. Introduce a character (sometimes in a different timeline) who encounters Slenderman. I'm sorry, but I'm turning down this appeal on the basis that the story needs quite a bit of work to really establish the entity as its own separate character apart from Slenderman and really flesh out the ending. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:10, February 6, 2016 (UTC)

Whispers from the Dark (DENIED)

My story "Whispers from the Dark" was deleted by Empyrealinvective, because it supposedly did not live up to the quality standards of this wiki. I would like to appeal this deletion, as I feel that the story in fact does live up to the quality standards. My story does not contain any spelling or grammatical errors, apart from a fragment that was added for effect, and it does not appear to be a cliche or a knockoff of another creepy pasta (I have consulted the list of cliches to be sure). However, if you do still feel as though this story does not live up to the wiki's quality standards, I would be happy to hear your feedback. Thanks,

Zoggstation (talk) 07:32, February 7, 2016 (UTC)zoggstation

The story wasn't and still is not up to quality standards so this appeal is being turned down. Starting with the basics, this coding error is on every line: "Strange whispers from the dark keep me awake at night. I do not know what they are whispering, but it doesn’t matter: all that matters is that I resist them. I grip the bed sheets tightly. The whispers grow harder to ignore. Whispers are climbing up the stairs. Whispers are moving slowly down the hall, towards my bedroom. Hearing footsteps, I hold my breath." While not a deal-breaker, this can cause massive formatting issues in a story and is best avoided. Using source mode when you post will solve that.

Onto the larger issue that resulted in the story's deletion: There are a number of awkward wording issues here. "The whispers, louder than ever, pierce through me, and at last the gnarled words become intelligible: my name, repeated over and over, entreating me." Gnarled is additionally the physical characteristics of something as it literally means "knobbly, rough, and twisted, especially with age." The words raspy, gravelly, gritty, throaty, etc. would make a lot more sense here. "The moonlight casts a ghostly aura around the contours of the blankets" really gives the sense that you're over-writing it to make up for the lack of driving plot.

Story issues: The story feels very overwritten and there isn't a lot of substance to the plot. There isn't a lot of explanation here and the story feels very vague. Especially with lines like this: "But I cannot give in. I know what is waiting for me when I give in.

". That is a perfect opportunity to give the audience a clue for the horrors that wait for the protagonist to create a sense of hopelessness and terror. If there were more build-up/things for the audience to key-in on to give them a sense of plot, this might make for an interesting story, but as it currently stands it feels anemic, with awkward wording, and misused words. I'm turning down this appeal on the grounds that the story is not up to quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:47, February 7, 2016 (UTC)

SUPERFACE (DENIED)

Your story was deleted for not meeting quality standards due to punctuation, formating, spelling, and story issues. As you didn't follow the guidelines above, I'm turning down this appeal and withholding detailed explanation until you correctly post an appeal. I would suggest revising it and taking it to the writer's workshop before then as I basically pointed out the issues why this appeal is going to be turned down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:07, February 9, 2016 (UTC)

Okay look, I don't fucking know how to use Wikis. I don't know if I posted the story wrong or if I appealed it wrong or what but my story doesn't have proofing or editing errors, it's written pretty much without error (give or take possibly one or two random typos I could have made) so it couldn't possibly be for editing, leaving me to assume it's because of how I posted it onto the wiki. I do not know how navigate or use wikis and not telling me the specific issue I'm facing is not only unhelpful, but kind of frustrating and leaves me completely in the dark. Maybe you know how to use wikis really well, but I don't, so please try to help me out here and tell me just what my story violated, please. —Preceding unsigned comment added by JimPaladin (talk • contribs).

Your story was deleted for not meeting quality standards due to punctuation, formating, spelling, and story issues. As these issues (as well as some new ones) are still present, the appeal is being turned down. ("I would suggest revising it and taking it to the writer's workshop before then as I basically pointed out the issues why this appeal is going to be turned down.")

Starting with the basics, you indented paragraphs in your first post which causes some pretty severe formatting issues and can make a story all but unreadable. When you copy/pasted it onto the appeal, you created a bunch of coding errors that appear on every line and make it difficult to edit. While this doesn't equate to deletions, it does tend to create a lot of work and can sometimes even render a story unreadable. It's recommended to always use source mode when editing/posting content.

Punctuation missing from dialogue or used incorrectly: ““yunk992(,)” Master laughed out loud.”, ““SUPERFACE(,)” another one of them pointed out”, ““I'll first blood him and then start ganking.(,)” Ryan assured”, ““Oh, wait. Hold on.(,)” Viral suddenly said.” There are multiple instances of spoken dialogue missing punctuation or having periods used instead of commas. As all of these are instances of dialogue over TeamSpeak, they need proper capitalization and punctuation. Commas missing from pauses in diaogue/sentence flow. ““Yeah(,) it was good because he fed so hard.””

Spelling: While most spelling errors are isolated to the chat portions of the story, there are a few instances ("Ryan began ganking his team's lanes and by the time twentyfive minutes had passed" (this also feels like an odd tonal shift for the story), "The officer gave is own sigh. “What about the note?”", etc.), but there are a lot of awkward wording instances that detract from the story and make it stumble in places.

Awkward wording: “It was a day like any other. Ryan, sixteen, woke up in his bedroom at his parent's house in Scenelake, Ohio.”, “He was especially excited because he had just gotten together with a new group of players, each of them incredibly high ranking in League of Legend's rated matchmaking, and Ryan was felt promise that this new team could push a high ranking. (redundant as well as overly complex)”, ““So Frag.” one of them, known only to Ryan as MasterEnRon, or “Master”. “You mid, or what?””, "Spitting out black tinged(hyphen missing from compound word) saliva, he somehow fought his way to his feet, even though he felt a dizzy force trying to shove him down, as if some macabre gravity had overtaken him.", etc.

Story issues: Here's what really caused me to mark it for review and what likely resulted in SoPretentious deciding to delete it. The story subscribes to a lot of online game creepy pasta cliches/tropes. The antagonist knows the protagonist’s name “How did SUPERFACE message him? How did he know his name?” Are they a hacker? “How was he still being messaged? He heard of people hacking the game client before, sending out weird messages to users.”, etc. The inclusion of these tropes really render the story generic and commonplace. In fact, a lot of these tropes led to multiple stories being deleted when they were more commonplace on the site. This feels like a re-hashing of the typically online game creepy pasta story that resulted in a mass deletion a few years back.

Story issues cont.: "Playing some kind of lame prank, like in the creepypastas you read about on the internet." Mentioning creepypastas in a creepypasta never really works for immersion. It tends to draw the audience out of the story and remind them they're reading a made-up story. Finally the ending really feels out of place. "They lead to the formation of the popular “Gooey Grampa” internet meme." If you're going to end a story this way, you really need to cover why it's being used that way. The story focuses on Superface (that's even the title) so any lack of explanation/focus on him makes the ending feel anticlimactic. I'm sorry, but there are a lot of issues here so the appeal is being turned down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:45, February 9, 2016 (UTC)

Old Man Turner's Cellar (DENIED)

Hi, I'd like to make a deletion appeal for my Pasta, == Old Man Turner's Cellar (unreviewed) == I've been on for all of five minutes and someone went and deleted it in the middle of me editing. It's really a great story, but I was having difficulties getting everything right. It's not about the story, I feel it was deleted purely out of technical difficulty. I'm clearly new, and have yet to see any kind of guide anywhere that tells me what anything does, so the header was a bit messed up. If that's not the case, then it must be a simple case of bullying. CreepySean5235 (talk) 05:33, February 13, 2016 (UTC)

A majority of the issues present in the story are outlined below ranging from capitalization, punctuation, formatting and story issues. As all of these issues are outlined below, I won't re-hash them (especially considering your caustic responses thus far.) To state a few, you tend to have number of grammatical issues involving it's/its. (it's= it is, its=possession)

There is very little plot overall, and what little there is makes for a very un-involving story. I can only suggest that you look into our quality standards and avoid posting stories without getting feedback in the writer's workshop beforehand. Really there isn't enough to create an involving story and the numerous issues make for a story that feels incomplete/unfinished. As such, I'm turning down the appeals. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:44, February 13, 2016 (UTC)

There's a girl in the garden (DENIED)

Ok, now I know he's bullying me. == There's A Girl In The Garden (unreviewed) == doesn't meet the standard quality for this site? That's the funniest thing ever, because it was deleted before it could even be read. It's outragous. (sic)

The story isn't very well-told. It is incredibly rushed and there is little to no plot here. Starting with the basic formatting issues, you shouldn't combine multiple lines of dialogue. (Please review any form of literature for reference here.) Capitalization issues: ""Good god," He (he) thought, "Perhaps (perhaps)", " home." He (he) thought,", " like that." He (he) thought", etc. Punctuation issues: Commas missing where a pause is implied. "There's nobody here Mark!" Apostrophes missing where possession is implied. "The girls face". There are a lot of issues here in a two to three paragraphs.

Story issues: combining multiple lines of dialogue creates a lot of formatting issues. ""are you sure you saw a girl?" Barbara asked, looking fairly worried. "She's been there all day, just about." Mark said,"" Besides that basic issue, your story is incredibly used and there isn't enough content to make the story involving/interesting. It comes off as incredibly rushed and lacking any real plot or focus. I'm sorry, but there isn't any real plot to involve the audience or create a sense of interest in this otherwise uninteresting story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 11:33, February 13, 2016 (UTC)

Paranoia (DENIED)

I would like to appeal the deletion of my pasta Paranoia {unrev}. I'm unsure quite why it was deleted, but it met every part of the quality standards and its deletion feels unfair and unnecessary. Thanks.--CreepyJon (talk) 08:00, February 15, 2016 (UTC)

The appeal is turned down, as there's storyline issues. There's brushed over, generic passages that aren't adding to the story. It's hard to read more than a few of these in every paragraph. Here's a few examples: "It's not like the government hasn't kept secrets like this before". "There was something ominous about the message beyond the typical nonsense internet scare tactics designed to get you to send money, or give up information, or whatnot." (the next sentence also) - "Something felt different about this message. Something about the way the text was written, like it was meticulously designed to pass as a random spam message and conceal the true meaning."

The story does have some suspense and the events are not bad, but they are drawn-out and predictable at times and there's too many events that mirror other stories.

∆ SoPretentious ∆ 08:24, February 15, 2016 (UTC)

Darkside of Wade (DENIED)

i'm sorry if there was any problems in the story called the darkside of wave.............but next time i shouldn't bother maki g another story.... —Preceding unsigned comment added by TammY-demon (talk • contribs).

Denied on grounds of not following the instructions to make a Deletion Appeal.--"You know why he's here? Why he's investigating the broken rules? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it" (talk) 16:30, February 15, 2016 (UTC)

The story violates our blacklist against Zelda pastas and has multiple capitalization (proper nouns uncapitalized, random words capitalized, etc.), punctuation (punctuation missing from the end of sentences, apostrophes missing from possessive words, commas missing from indicated pauses in sentence structure, etc.), wording (awkward wording "Then a kiss it was his girlfriend pearl who loved him. ", "and Then slice Fang died, his heart beat stopped he died Painfully", etc. broken/fragmented sentences, etc.) and story issues (the story is very generic, the plot is rushed, and there's a real lack of description). I'm sorry, but there are way too many issues here, even if the story didn't violate our site rules, it would still be well below our quality standards. I suggest using the writer's workshop for your next story as there are a lot of issues here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:34, February 15, 2016 (UTC)

A Dear Friend (DENIED)

I don't understand why my story has been denied. Multiple people have told me that the story is fine and should not have been denied. I have been told nothing about the reason for denial, and I am more than willing to fix any issues.

Starting with the basics, do not reupload stories without going through the deletion appeal first (especially when a lot of the issues that were present in the original are present in the updated version.) Doing so again will result in a ban as it is against our site rules. Smaller problems first, the formatting is still an issue here (besides needing the paragraphs to be broken up. A typical paragraph is five-ten sentences, any more and it becomes blocky and difficult to read.) with lines appearing like this:

"I was arrested for breaking into

the woman's house. Just as I was about to believe their story, I saw Adam's body, nailed to the wall, with something carved into his chest. I stood up, and walked closer to read it. It read, " Dear Tyler. A little gift from your dear friend Death."

Punctuation issues: Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "my friend(')s anguish" You also have a tendency to leave out commas where they are needed. "It read, " Dear(space not needed) Tyler. A little gift from your dear friend Death."" Capitalization issues: "I ran back to Adam's place, but... A (a) woman lived there." You really shouldn't capitalize a word after ellipses unless it is the start of a new sentence or a proper noun.

Wording issues: "Adam's usually spotless house had spot (sic) on the rug" Redundancy issues: "I began to look around the room, looking for anything to explain this." overly complex sentences that should be broken up. "With a strength I had never known him to possess, he tore me off him, cocked the pistol, and fired three rounds into the picture on the wall, before collapsing onto the floor, weeping"

Story issues: Here's where a majority of the issues were. Dialogue needs to be spaced out so two speakers are never on the same line. ""Please," Adam whimpered. "Let me... Let me save her." "Save who?"" Having it like this only tends to muddle who is saying what and interfere with the natural progression of the story. "There was a note attached. "To Adam, from your dear friend Death."" comes off as an extremely corny line.

Story issues cont.: There is also the issue of the protagonist spending minutes looking around his room when it's fairly clear his friend is contemplating suicide. "After a few minutes, I found a box. I opened it to find a block of styrofoam, with a indentation the shape of a gun." Wouldn't his first priority be trying to convince his friend to give him the gun or at least talk to him directly and snap him out of it? Even after shooting his gun off, the protagonist's first reaction is to leave him alone and get the photo examined. "I grabbed the photo off the wall, and drove to a photo developer. They were able to enhance the picture, and I could almost make out a face. I quickly brought all the photos over." It all comes off as ridiculous especially considering he was so concerned about his friend that he called him multiple times and went over to his house to check on him. To leave him after having a mental breakdown really like that with a gun (also seems odd no one reported the shots) is a pretty big plot hole.

Story issues cont.: Then there's the ending. "It read, " Dear Tyler. A little gift from your dear friend Death."" It just feels tacked on because it seemed like a spooky line when you were writing it. It really doesn't have much baring on the overall story about a schizophrenic man contemplating suicide due to a blurry photo. The whole schizophrenia angle also feels shoe-horned into this story. Especially with it being revealed the house belongs to someone else that he breaks into it twice. I'm sorry, but this needs a lot of work and has a lot of story issues that lower the story well below that of our quality standards. I would strongly suggest using the writer's workshop with your next story as the people you had reviewing it overlooked quite a bit. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:36, February 19, 2016 (UTC)

The Mirror Game (DENIED)

I just want to know why my pasta got deleted. Slenderdude987 (talk) 20:17, February 24, 2016 (UTC)Slenderdude987

It was deleted because it wasn't up to quality standards. I suggest you look over the appeal I posted above as there are some repeating issues here. There are capitalization, coding, punctuation, and story issues that lower the overall quality of the story below our quality standards.

Coding issues: This is on every single line of text and it makes it incredibly difficult to read in editor mode: "Where this is from: " This can cause some pretty severe formatting issues and even render a story un-readable. Use source mode when copy/pasting a story in as the coding issues made up two-thirds of the overall body of the story. Onto the larger issues.

Punctuation issues: Items listed still need proper punctuation and proper capitalization. "40 Bristlecone pine needles(.)", "1 fluid ounce of Maple tree sap(.)", "Clay(.)", "Salt(.)", "A full length mirror(.)", "A partner(.)", "A hammer(.)", "A tent (Optional)(.)", etc.

Capitalization issues: Words treated as proper nouns need capitalization. "The void (Void): If you wander too far at the edge of the world, you fall off and die.", "The sweepers (Sweepers):", etc. Additionally words in a parenthetical should be treated as an aside and left uncapitalized unless they are a complete sentence and then they are properly capitalized and punctuated. "A tent (Optional (optional))", "A mattress (Optional (optional))", etc.

Story issues: Here's where a large amount of issues were. The ritual is really generic and the steps tend to rehash the same points present in most other ritual stories. ("Start a fire/light a candle, make a circle of salt, etc. There are also plot holes in the ritual its themselves. How exactly does someone smash a mirror without waking their partner (also note, the partner really isn't mentioned up to this point.) Finally the ending feels very tacked on and feels out of place. "If you win, you gain immortality. However, after the game, you may not want to live again." Why exactly would they not want to continue living if that was their entire purpose for doing the ritual? The ritual and idea feel very rushed and needs a lot more fleshing out. I'm turning down this appeal due to the issues listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:34, February 24, 2016 (UTC)

BoyzOnlyIRC (DENIED)

Okay, I knew this was going to happen, but still.

I know what I did wrong, and I can fix it.

1. It's not really creepy. At all. But I can (or at least try) to make it creepy.

2. I used the "Protagonist's last words" cliche, which, yes, is overused, but I don't think it's that much of an issue.

3. I probably made some spelling mistakes. But nothing showed up on SpellCheck, so what gives?

I just want to know what you think I did wrong so I can re-edit and repost it (if I can repost it, which I highly doubt)

I don't give a care in the world if you deny this appeal (I know you will) , but at least allow me to edit it and post a new version.

Just give me a chance. ~~~~MasonIrving

The appeal is for stories you have re-worked. If you look at all the appeals above, you'll notice that few, if any actually made changes to their story. The story isn't up to quality standards. You point out these issues above, so that leaves me wondering, why you submitted it in such a rough state? Here's a brief list of the issues I saw at a glance. Commas used when you should be using semicolons as dialogue is on another paragraph ("he explained,(:)") "Day 1 (Sunday – 3.(:)23)" "Day 2 Monday - 3.(:)23" If you meant that as the date, why didn't it change? Wording issues: "Than (Then) this is the site for you!" Typos: "my adress is 1982 Summerset Grove", "Johhny told Harry how to find his IP adress", "Johhny, my IP adress is", etc. As I pointed out a lot of similar issues in your last appeal, I won't go too in-depth.

The large issues here fall mainly on the story itself. The characters do not act believable in any sense. "Then, strangely, Harry told me to leave, because the first rule of "BoysOnlyIRC" is that your conversations are private. I first thought that it was odd, and I didn't think of it after that." This seems incredibly odd for the protagonist after he spends a paragraph talking about him wanting what's best for Harry. "So Harry just kept on talking, about the vault PIN number, the passwords to all of the company's websites, everything." Why exactly is Harry giving out all of this information? Additionally why does an 11 year old boy have password, pin numbers, etc. in the first place?

Story issues cont.: Why exactly does the butler decide to kill himself again? He's watching the conversation practically in real time and now a person who he (as indicated earlier) loves is putting himself in danger? It makes absolutely no sense that he would just go and kill himself. This is especially problematic given that it seems like he comes to this decision as soon that he learns Harry is in danger. This story feels very rushed and has a tendency to gloss over key events. It really comes off like you tacking a 'these are my final words' ending onto a story where it doesn't work. I'm turning down this appeal for the reasons listed above and advising you to take a lot more time when writing as this is the third story that we have deleted of yours. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:51, February 29, 2016 (UTC)

9 Days in June (DENIED)

I am appealing the deletion of this pasta because I believe that it does meet the quality standards CreepyJon (talk) 06:46, February 29, 2016 (UTC)

It doesn't. There are frankly, a lot of issues here with the story. Starting with the basics, a number of the entries are just massive paragraphs (Entry three for example). It feels like you’re taking a step back here.

Formatting issues: besides indenting lines (which actually causes some pretty large issues, you also combine multiple entry titles with the body of the story “Night 1 Daniel hated moving.” and here is how sections were formatted:

“her fragile frame. Daniel saw her, pulled apart, limb by limb, heard the horrible, animal screams which
he could hardly believe came from a human being. And then, Daniel woke, and was left to wonder if
this too, was just a nightmare.”

Severe overuse of character’s names. For example in one paragraph you identify Daniel on six separate occasions. There is no need for that much identification, especially since he’s the only named character. “As the world dimmed, so too did Daniel's strength. Daniel felt a sensation utterly alien to him. Daniel had felt fear.”

The latter half of the story feels extremely rushed and anticlimactic. Nights 6-9 are drastically shorter and feel like you were rushing to finish the story at the expense of the plot. It goes from him deciding to murder his father to him (without any real rhyme or reason) singing “Ring around the Rosie” while cleaning up the blood. I looked through the story to see if there was any reason for the song’s inclusion but turned up nothing. It just feels tacked on because hearing a song sung eerily is …spooky. It feels extremely out of place.

Then there’s the ending. “The pill bottle that contained Daniel's medicine lay unopened on his desk. The seal unbroken. The cruel irony of the cycle that he had been trapped in was lost on Daniel. For the demon Daniel's gruesome exorcism sought to free never existed. And the very insanity that prevented him from taking the medicine could have been so easily cured, and need not have taken the lives that it took.” This feels off. The doctor a few days before gave him medication. It seems really odd the parents wouldn’t pick up on the fact that he never took his pills in the five days since he was given them. How exactly are his parents not concerned or intervening at all here with their hallucinating, mentally unstable son?

So in the end, the story feels extremely over-written (“Daniel's body hitting the ground carried with it a degree of finality that was only amplified by the austere atmosphere of that old house”), rushed, and has numerous plot issues. As this is the third story of yours that has failed to meet quality standards, I would strongly advise getting a second opinion before posting as this is quite a lot to overlook.EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:52, February 29, 2016 (UTC)

Donald Trump Become President (DENIED)

Hi I'm an ambitious californian girl wanting to be a creepypasta writer for decades. I would love your feedback based on my story so I can re edit the story. I love feedbacks and I totally understand your issues on this story but I would like to know what exactly I should edit. My goal is to get Creepypasta to read this story and this story topic will attract millions. PLEASE HELP ME! This story is based on true events and future events.

First and foremost, please don't role-play on this site. It is against site rules and tends to cause drama. Continuing to do so will result in a lengthy ban. I'm sorry, but your story fails to meet the bare minimum quality standards so I have no choice but to turn down this appeal. Starting with the basics, it is just a massive wall of text that is 56 sentences long. There are additionally multiple capitalization, punctuation, wording, and story issues.

Capitalization: You shift between capitalizing president and leaving it uncapitalized. "become president but unfortunately he was elected President" You also forget to capitalize Muslims on multiple occasions. "if the parents are muslims, the children are muslims too.", "millions of muslims", etc. Not properly capitalizing sentences. "years. 4 (Four) years is a long time". Punctuation issues: Punctuation missing from dialogue. "hospital" my mom replied"

Run-on sentences. "He's going to make America great by building a wall between Mexico and United States and is going to make Mexicans work for him and pay for the wall and he's going to execute Muslims and put them in concentration camps just like Hitler." Awkward wording. "To live in a totalitarian country, it was very unpleasant", "Half of the world went extinct and I was one of the few who survived because I traveled back in time and that what happens when you idiot Americans vote for Donald Trump 4 (for) president because you think it's funny and entertaining.", etc.

Story issues: You seem to shift between the protagonist being from current times ("which might lead to World War 3." and from the future. "I traveled back in time and that what happens". I'm sorry, but this gives the story an incredibly rushed feeling and the inconsistencies really weaken the story. Additionally this really needs to be told in a much slower fashion to build tension and make the events believable. Lines like this: "He transformed into a monstrous Hitler who kidnaps millions of muslims to either deport them, torture them, or kill them." come off as just ridiculous without proper focus. This really comes off more as incendiary than an attempt at telling an involving and scary story. I'm turning down the appeal as it was well below our quality standards and the multiple story issues really weakened whatever effect you were going for. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:33, March 4, 2016 (UTC)

Clock Tick Tock Murder Case (DENIED)

Why is my edit deleted? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Anonymous728.exe (talk • contribs).

As there are a lot of issues here, rather than make you redo an appeal, I'm just going to correct the template for you and list the issues I see. The story has numerous issues ranging from capitalization, wording, and story issues that result in it being well-below quality standards.

Capitalization issues: You don't properly capitalize sentences. "3 people were murdered", "3 women were killed inside of a barn", "2 months after his burial", " of the policemen involved in solving this case were all murdered, suspiciously in Austin, Texas.' If you start a sentence with a number, it should be written out so it can be properly capitalized.

Wording issues: Ignoring the frequent misspellings and wording issues in the notes, there are still a lot of errors present in the story itself. "This case is considered to be resolved, but the perpetrator and the plot of the crimes are still uknown (sic), so conclusions were made to formally solve the case" (Awkward wording and redundant.), "the drawing of a clock in their lower part of the chest, near to their stomachs signifying the time, 12:30 in (for) all of the women", "A police officer solved this case and kept the note, and is famed for solving the case all over America." (redundant), etc.

There are massive plot holes in the story. For taking place in 1946, there are a lot of anachronistic elements at play here. "Their duties, professions, rather, were discovered due to their driver's licences located in their pockets with their phone number and cellphone/s, suspiciously." In 1946, cellphones didn't exist. Additionally, driver's licenses don't feature a person's occupation. (As titling oneself drug addict or prostitute under occupation seems suspicious at best.) As these are police notes, there should be a lot more focus on procedures and collection of evidence (more on that below).

Story issues cont.: The police reports need a lot more fleshing out. They frequently overlook dates, time, and key evidence. As this is a case taking place over a prolonged period, this is a big issue. All in all, the M.O. of the killer is also really generic (clock-based killer who repeats the phrase 'tick-tock'.) and the fact that the story glosses over important scenes ("A police officer solved this case and kept the note, and is famed for solving the case all over America." How did he solve it? What's the killer's identity? Etc) really makes for a weak story. I'm sorry but there are way too many issues here and the story really needs a drastic overall. I'm turning this appeal down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:43, March 7, 2016 (UTC)

My Son is Addicted to Time Control (unreviewed)

Here is the link to my revised story: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:529465

I made some changes to improve the story and suspense, as was pointed out by so pretentious. I don't know if they helped or if the story is still lacking. I look forward to your review.

--WanderingRiverdog (talk) 19:42, March 7, 2016 (UTC)

Our Realization (DENIED)

How about my article, "Our Realization"? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Anonymous728.exe (talk • contribs).

It was deleted for being below quality standards. Basically for the same reasons your previous article was deleted. (Capitalization: "3 days after the first day of school, me and my cousin really felt the long to be noticed when we were also ignored deeply there." Wording issues: "Our realisation. Maybe who's next?". Run on/overly complex sentences: "It was quite depressing for us, and slowly and slowly, we tried to talk with other people, and try to be close with them, but still, we get an answer from a turned back.", "We followed her inside the car, but this time, she didn't really acknowledge us when we came inside the door of the car, nor when we our (sic) visibly dressing up for the event." And story problems: Rushed plot, lack of description, formatting issues.)

Additionally you can tack on formatting issues as well now as you space out every single sentence into its own paragraph which comes off as padding and really doesn't work as a viable form of story-telling. I'm turning down this appeal outright as you're made no improvements from your previous story and have actually made more errors. I strongly suggest you take time to proof-read your next story because if you make another appeal after having repeated the same mistakes, you will get a bare bones response. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:55, March 9, 2016 (UTC)

The Amazing Man (DENIED)

how did this not meet standards? what too good and it made you self conscious about your own shit writing abilities? seriously, all you let on this wiki is garbage stories about killers or half assed "dis 1 time i saw a g-g-ghots scoob!"

how about you let a story on that isn't cliched to all hell.

faggot.

yours truly CreepsWork

Or... it could be the fact that your story wasn't up to quality standards. Bear with me here because it seems like you got a lot of anger, but not a lot of attention right now. First things first, your story was deleted back in October, you really should have made this appeal first as per the deletion message on your talk page. That being said, you made minimal changes and didn't correct a lot of the errors that were in the original.

Starting with the basics and moving on, here's how the story was formatted. While not a huge issue, it still causes formatting issues that need to be corrected and can cause wall-o-text issues.

"It was a simple advertisement for a circus show, very
simple, just a picture of a man with the words."

Onto the larger issues present in your latest revision. There are multiple punctuation, capitalization, wording, and story issues present here that resulted in the story being below quality standards back when you first submitted it in October and now.

Capitalization issues: As its a title, "The amazing man!" should be properly capitalized. ("“The amazing man!", "you couldn’t go to see the amazing man and all this tricks and secrets.", "The amazing man was back in the center, all lights on him", "The amazing man started to interact with his shadow; it reminded you a lot of peter pan (Peter Pan).") You should also properly capitalize sentences. "before!... well (Well) that’s what the flyer said.", “10 (Ten) dollars, do you have 10 dollars with you”, etc.

Punctuation: Punctuation missing from dialogue. “Whoa there you can’t just rush in there kid, gotta pay first”, “Well I’m afraid I can’t let you in there then”, “Good, because that’s exactly what you’re going to get”, etc. Punctuation missing from sentences. "You said no" Apostrophes missing from possessive words. "your friends parents" Commas missing from multiple lines where a pause is implied. "Well(,) your friend was smart to come up with the idea that you could stay over at his place for a few hours" “Kid(,) there’s no magic show here”

Wording issues: "You found your friend and sat down next to him, his parents asked where your mom and dad where, you said they didn’t feel like watching it.", "Cheering and whistling, whoops and deep breaths, all you could do is set (sic) there with your mouth on the floor.", "Your friend’s parents didn’t seem to (sic) worried about your sudden rush", etc. Redundancies. "Summoning an entire rhino, having it charge at him only for him to disappear and rip open the rhino showing that is was a costume, but it looked like a real full sized rhino, it moved like a living animal.", "While in the car she asked you how you got to the circus, you told her your friend(')s parents took you, she had no idea who you were talking about, you insisted it was your friend(')s parents and asked her to take you to his house… it was an old run down shack."

Story issues: I'm sorry, but your story is pretty generic. See The Magician, The Magician's Game, The Magician's Escape The Great Occam Cobb, etc. for examples. There are actually a lot of stories focusing on the premise of a child attending a magic show only to realize there's something sinister going on. It's a pretty weak premise compounded by the fact that there's very little tension/build-up to the Amazing Man's final trick that really results in a pretty uninvolving story. In the end, I'm sorry the fact that you can't put in minimal effort into a story and get praise for it angers/upsets you, but we're trying get submissions that aren't "garbage stories about killers or half assed "dis 1 time i saw a g-g-ghots scoob!""." Sorry that you falling in the latter group angers you enough to use derogatory words (as if being gay were a bad thing). Long story short, your submission wasn't up to quality standards despite your entitled approach to this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:38, March 9, 2016 (UTC)

or it could be that you're full of shit and actually have no idea what good story writing is, have fun with this dying community. burn in hell —Preceding unsigned comment added by Creepswork (talk • contribs).

K den, feel free to keep whining about the wiki while ignoring the fact that you're part of the problem and misconstruing blogs for stories. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 07:54, March 9, 2016 (UTC)

You're It (DENIED)

I am here to appeal my latest pasta, please review it even more. I have spent alot of time doing it and I am hoping for good results. (Please feedback) Anonymous728.exe (talk)

The story is being denied due to the fact that you repeat a lot of your previous issues (listed above) such as awkward wording ("I remembered when tears fell down my cheeks as I saw Solenn die.", "Due to ecstatic fear, I only replied with a scream, crying.", "I slept pondering about the note, and I already threw it away but I still can't get my mind off it."), punctuation, and story issues (also listed above). EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:20, March 12, 2016 (UTC)

Hunting Grounds (DENIED)

Forgive me if this post is wrongly worded/incorrectly titled. I'm new to the site and dont know how to make posts.

So, I wrote a story on here called "Hunting Grounds" today, and it was rejected for not meeting the "quality standards." I re read it for puncuation problems, grammar, mispellings, and I have no idea what is wrong with it. It is not too long, and it is scary in my opinion. Could you help me figurwe out why it was removed? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dragonainer (talk • contribs).

It was removed for not being up to quality standards due to quite a lot of story issues as well as grammatical and wording problems, which is also why this appeal is being turned down.

Starting with the basics, the coding errors made the story incredibly difficult to read. Please use source mode when posting, otherwise the text will look like this: "I was making decent time, rolling into the larger town of Lock Haven in about three-and-a-half hours, turning into a pit stop, parking my car and dashing into the convenience store. A 52 oz drink and a long drive did not mix very well, and I had to use the restroom badly. "

As these issues make it difficult to read the text normally, I'll focus on the story issues rather than the mechanical errors ("It’s dark fur and mask", "I pulled it out, whacking the creature with the m end of it as it reached for me.", "It’s face was skull-like in appearance", "I limped over to the door, just as the creature bust the through the same wall as I had.", "My uncle had only let my (sic) hunt during the weekend of the youth hunt in early November" etc.)

Story issues: There seems to be a lot of discrepancy during conversations which after reading the entire story need quite a bit of re-working. "“Maybe we can buy it. And who knows? Maybe he left some of his money up there!”" to "“Don’t know that I’d like to hunt over there. That boy’s in for a rude awakening.”" Why exactly would they be interested in buying the land if almost everyone (except the protagonist) knows about the shady history of the land? Additionally the men imply that these disappearances have been happening for a while and the protagonist mentions off-hand that he was raised by his uncle "my aunt and uncle had raised me. My uncle had owned the land, and he had let me hunt on the property ever since I was old enough to hold a rifle") which feels like a pretty large plot issue.

Story issues cont.: There is a lot of set-up to very little payoff in the story. The monster feels added in during the last few paragraphs and the escape feels glossed over. "I heard the shriek behind me again, and suddenly, the creature was in front of me, having moved fifteen feet in a second, another swing coming at me with even more intense force. I flew back into the cabin, shattering the wall and landing on the couch." (Did the creature knock him through a solid wall and into a couch?) It even leaves quite a few discrepancies with the eavesdropped conversation earlier in the story. How exactly is this creature getting away with killing/disappearing all of these people without any sightings happening? How exactly did the uncle live on the land so long without him noticing? If he did notice, why exactly was he taking his nephew out hunting in the same woods, knowing there was a lightning-quick, brutally strong monster on the loose? (Especially considering the fact that he's been hunting on the land ever since he was old enough to hold a rifle.)

Finally the story feels unfinished/anti-climactic. "I swerved, shaking him off and driving through the rusty gate, snapping it off of its hinges." The protagonist escapes and then the story ends. There's no real sense of resolution or conclusion. The monster appears, knocks him through a wall, and he escapes. It really feels like you forgot a few paragraphs focusing on the conclusion or epilogue of the story to wrap it up effectively. I'm sorry, but this story needs quite a lot of work. I suggest taking the next story to the writer's workshop (link in the deletion message). This story is being turned down for the reasons mentioned above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:16, March 15, 2016 (UTC)

The old house in the woods (DENIED)

my creepypasta was deleted but it was a normel creepypasts with nothing wrong —Preceding unsigned comment added by Chicken45 (talk • contribs).

I'm sorry but your story doesn't meet the bare minimum quality standards for the site. Despite being eight sentences long there are an inordinate amount of errors. "I thought I would find some kool (cool) old stuff wich (which) i (I) did but i (I) also found something esles.(sic)", "I was scared to dearth. (sic)", "On the walks were drawings That (that) looked like this(colon missing)". On the topic of story, there is little to no description here and the plot is incredibly generic. I'm turning this down on the grounds that it is well-below quality standards and giving you a piece of advice: Please use the writer's workshop for your next story because if you post a story with this many issues/lack of proof-reading again, it will be insta-deleted. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:42, March 24, 2016 (UTC)

Is that you, Santa? (DENIED)

Hi. My pasta was recently deleted for being a reupload. I had edited it, and it was a different version of the pasta, although the first few paragraphs remained strikingly similar, as well as the parts that on the writer's workshop people said to keep or not edit. Please just review this, and I'll change everything that you say to the best of my ability. If the pasta is unsalvageable, I understand, but I'll work hard at everything I can to make it good enough to be uploaded.

Thank you for your time reviewing this.

Signed, Derpyspaghetti (talk) 02:20, March 28, 2016 (UTC)

First and foremost, please read the header up top. Posting the entire story (or two versions) clutters up the page. I removed the stories and used the latest version for reference. I'm sorry but there are quite a lot of issues here still. The major issue falls on the story itself, although there are a number of capitalization and wording issues as well.

Capitalization issues: "Every Christmas eve", "It’s kind of hazy, but I think it was about a… Murder (murder)?", "Hot Shit (shit)!", "Wait… That (that) scratching again!" If you're using ellipses as a means of dramatic pause, then you should only capitalize words following the pause if they are proper nouns or the start of new sentences.

Wording: There is a lot of redundancy here in your story. "This year I’m ten years old." / "I don’t know yet. I am only ten years old." / " A person who’s 10 shouldn’t be scared of things like that that scare babies." , "Now, the only problem is that my parents always stay up the point where I am just too tired to stay up.", "So I needed to wait. Wait until they finally fell asleep." / "But right now I need to wait. Wait until I hear Dad’s snoring.", "Oblivion. The oblivion. A dreamless oblivion.", "Dad finally went to bed. Finally. I can’t believe I stayed up until they went to bed this year. I knew this year was the year.", "That was just a tree scratching the window. Nothing more. Nothing more.", etc. This really feels like padding as you're re-stating phrases or just re-wording them differently. This is present throughout the story and really makes it feel repetitive/redundant.

Awkward wording: "I recoiled in shock, and found myself collide with something.", "as I just turned the lights on, I bring to myself the courage to say one thing.", etc. You also tend to start a lot of sentences with conjunctions (but, because, and, etc,) which give the story a very choppy/start-and-stop feel if used in excess.

Story issues: I'm sorry, but it really feels like you're asking the audience to suspend too much belief here. "something about a serial killer. ...I don’t know what’s so bad about eating cereal." Even if he's ten, the word killer is enough of a context clue. This becomes even more apparent when they speak like this: "Oblivion. The oblivion. A dreamless oblivion." and "With a flick, all of the horrors of the room invade my consciousness." It feels like you forgot you were writing a ten year old

Story issues cont.: What is the point of the parents hooking up on the couch scene? "I’ve never heard them make those noises like that, and it’s starting to get to me. I can’t honestly say I’m not just a little weirded out by the noises, but I guess it’s… normal? But what are those noises they’re making?" It feels out of place in the story, especially since they're doing it in the living room with the rest of the family apparently in the house (despite there being a bedroom) as there's no mention of the kids being put to bed. As you're telling the story in past tense, the frequent jumps ("I’m going to get the batteries. Oh! Crap! There it is again!" / "They looked strange. And that’s when I woke up… Hot Shit! What was that?!") really feel out of place. You also shift the story from a serial killer prowling around to some sort of monster. "The red, smiling mouth and oh… oh my god. The glowing eyes" All in all, there is quite a lot of work to be done here. You've fixed some issues that were present when I initially deleted it, but there are still a number of other issues present. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:24, March 28, 2016 (UTC)

The Face in the Middle of the Dark, URL Redirection, Wait a Minute

Hi, I just came back to this site to immerse myslef in some nostalgia by reading my old pastas, but apparently every single one has been deleted. Now some of them where deleted for good reasons, but the three in the title I have no idea as to why they have been deleted. I can't find any place where it says why my pastas have been deleted, and as I recall them, they are not breaking any of the wiki's rules. So I'm asking for some answers really, thats all. CreepyStoryTeller ^talk 21:15, March 28, 2016 (UTC)