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(The Holders series - a couple of Object stories (DENIED))
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:Unfortunately your series also sticks to the same pattern and really doesn't add anything new. This was the main reason why we stopped accepting those stories. They were becoming very cookie-cutter and re-hashing the same horror tropes. (Creepy children, decaying monsters, etc.) while the overall mystery of the series was relatively involving, the stories weren't. Your stories really add nothing new to the overall mythos and their inclusion here would only result in another incomplete series. I would suggest going over to the Holders Wikia as they would likely accept the story and you would find an audience there. I'm going to have to turn down this appeal on the grounds listed above. [[User:EmpyrealInvective|EmpyrealInvective]] ([[User talk:EmpyrealInvective|talk]]) 12:19, July 2, 2015 (UTC)
 
:Unfortunately your series also sticks to the same pattern and really doesn't add anything new. This was the main reason why we stopped accepting those stories. They were becoming very cookie-cutter and re-hashing the same horror tropes. (Creepy children, decaying monsters, etc.) while the overall mystery of the series was relatively involving, the stories weren't. Your stories really add nothing new to the overall mythos and their inclusion here would only result in another incomplete series. I would suggest going over to the Holders Wikia as they would likely accept the story and you would find an audience there. I'm going to have to turn down this appeal on the grounds listed above. [[User:EmpyrealInvective|EmpyrealInvective]] ([[User talk:EmpyrealInvective|talk]]) 12:19, July 2, 2015 (UTC)
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:Thanks for your comments, the quick response is appreciated. I had a feeling this would be the case, but you can't blame a girl for trying! =)
 
:Thanks for your comments, the quick response is appreciated. I had a feeling this would be the case, but you can't blame a girl for trying! =)

Revision as of 09:07, July 3, 2015

Here is a system in which you can get your OC (Original Content) spinoffs, prequels, sequels, and stories on the blacklisted subjects added to this wiki. Here's how it works:

Post your story offsite, and add a link to it below, along with a brief description. We admins will review your story to determine if it's good enough to be added to the wiki. If it is determined that your story is good, we will add the story ourselves, and add credit to you in the footer section.

Here are some places you can upload your story for it to be judged: Pastebin, Spinpasta Wiki, Zelda Creepypasta Wiki, Minecraft CreepyPasta Wiki, or Poképasta Wiki. You can also upload your story to Deviantart.

Keep these things in mind:

  • Your story must be original content (OC).
  • Your story must meet the Quality Standards in order for it to be accepted.
  • Try to use as few Creepy Clichés as possible.
  • Stories (this includes stories written the format of a diary or journal) must be complete. No "COMING SOON!" pages or half-finished pages.
  • You can add multiple stories in your request, but you have to put a description for each one.
  • If you don't want to give away any "twist" you added to the plot, just mention in the blurb that there's a twist that we should find out for ourselves.
  • Don't use this page to troll.
  • Don't get too upset if your request is denied!

Admins: If you reject a request, give an explanation why (bad spelling, bad grammar, too many clichés, too generic, Mary Sue protagonist/antagonist, poorly-written, etc.)

And please remember to sign your requests with four tildes (~~~~).

(Archives)

Hollowhead (DENIED)

I wrote this one as an attempt to make a non-crap version of Eyeless Jack (Since that character was so inexplicably popular w/o having a very good story). But I think the character and the ideas in this story are original enough to stand on their own. What says you?

http://www.bogleech.com/creepy/creepy14-hollowhead.html Tbok1992 (talk) 05:44, February 12, 2015 (UTC)

While I liked the level of description in the story: "I zone out and cough again. A wad of the purple-blue mucous lands on the tile floor as I hack and choke. I pass out.", there needs to be a bit more fleshing out of the characters (especially the physical description of 'Eyeless Jacqueline') and a bit more build-up on the overall tension of the story. Some issues I found: " She shovels it in to (into) my socket." "Jesus(,) my lungs hurt."
I liked the ending: "She smiles toothlessly at me. It is the most sincere smile I have ever seen." but I feel like it would be vastly improved if there was a little more build-up with the creature's appearances and suspense. (Maybe some additional encounters or a little more shock from the protagonist at her appearance. "I walk in to look in the mirror. I see its face beside me in the mirror. Her eyeless face. I rub the sleep out of my eyes. She's gone." As it stands, the story needs a little bit of work and a bit more plot as it feels a bit rushed so I am going to turn down this appeal (for now.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:42, February 23, 2015 (UTC)

Plagiarist (DENIED)

This is a creepypasta about writing creepypasta. It contains at least one forbidden hook and was automatically denied. This is not a spin-off, but LOLSKELETONS suggested that I take this route. It contains several references to other more famous stories as a means of establishing story canon and pays homage to some of the works that made this genre what it is today. The story itself blends satire and irony which all borders on the lines of dark humor. I feel that anyone who has ever written a creepypasta could give a nod to some of themes within it.

The story is called "Plagiarist" and the general synopsis is this: A young man moves to a new area and soon finds a job as a night shift employee at a department store. He eventually comes across a coworker named "Harvey" that shares a similar interest in creepypasta. Harvey then invites the protagonist to his home to discuss story ideas.

As the protagonist reads off some of his ideas, Harvey takes note that every single idea presented is an almost exact copy of an already existing story. He then makes snide remarks to the protagonist and ultimately accuses him of plagiarism. This all culminates to a twist ending that is brutal, satirical, ironic, and self-aware.

This story can be found on my personal blog:[1]

Thank you for your time.

G. Preeb (talk) 05:01, March 1, 2015 (UTC)

Reading over your story, I do not see a lot of issues with grammar. (which is refreshing) Although I did notice some issue with spacing. Try to avoid having multiple speakers in the same paragraph: "“So it centers on these political prisoners that volunteer to take part in an experiment where they are not allowed to sleep for a certain period of time.” Harvey burst into laughter, “Really? Again?”", "“You know Harvey? I came to you asking for help, and all you’ve done is denounced it all with a higher heir (sic) of conscience. Tell me, have you ever written one?” He then gathered himself from his poor humor, “Yeah, I used to. I think I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ll tell you again. All the good ideas have already been done. That’s why I don’t write anymore.”"
Grammar: "It(')s people..." Wording: "higher heir (air?) of conscience." seems like a problematic phrase. At first I thought it might be a colloquialism, but nothing turned up in my search. "My hands put a death grip around his throat again." (phrasing. "Wrapped" my be a more applicable word.)
Story issues: “Bingo! That’s where all these are coming from. You’re subconsciously stealing them." is a bit of a leap to make the audience try to jump in assuming he is watching these videos late at night and absorbing them via osmosis. "Back to Harvey, lunchtime came at 2, and like usual, I waited out the hour at an empty table. Then I noticed a man who’d gotten done eating, he reached into his cooler and pulled out a stack of papers." You also mention this conversation happens in the middle of a store (I would assume at 2 A.M., but the distinction is never made. The fact that he could kill someone (brutally) in public, take the body, and bury it without attracting any attention is a bit unrealistic.
Additionally the frequent title dropping of creepy pastas would be a little more effective if you narrowed it down to a few stories. (maybe a little less popular as well.) Ten is a bit excessive and desensitizes the reader after a bit. For example: "I kept telling him about the ideas I’d written in my notebook. With every new idea, came a new comparison, Slenderman, Ticci-Toby, Fear Not the Shadows, The Glutton, and Midnight Train to name a few." These are all pretty well-known stories and it's a bit of a stretch that assume that the protagonist has heard of none of them. While an interesting concept, the ending ("I know this has to be an original idea, it just has to be. How on Earth could I be a plagiarist of my own story?") needs some work to make it a bit more effective. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:16, March 3, 2015 (UTC)

My Geatest Fear (DENIED)

This is my story, and it is considered to be a spin off. Its about the main character explaining the events of why he is afraid of mirrors, and what he believes lives inside of them.      http://pastebin.com/Zuwe69YBv —Preceding unsigned comment added by KiausTheMerciful (talkcontribs).

Starting with the smaller things, your paragraphs are going to need spaces between them. Additionally, you need to break up the paragraphs more. A typical paragraph has five to ten sentences, yours has between fifteen and twenty. This makes your paragraphs look bulky and harder to read. I would also avoid starting sentences with conjunctions as they give the story a choppy/start-and-stop feel. Onto the bigger issues.
Wording issues: "Thankfully they began to stop happening, until they completely stopped (redundancy) sometime when I was twelve.", "I was stating (staying) the night at my friend Robert's house,", "there is a very large vanity (dresser/table to differentiate between vanity's other meaning))," "The Thing in The Mirror dragged in Jacob, and mauled him just as he did Jacob, (???)" You also shift between past tense and present multiple times throughout the story. As the protagonist is recounting this story from his childhood, it should be in past tense. ""Kiaus??" He (he) exclaims."
Grammar issues: their=possession, there=indicatory, they're=they are. "Their (There) was a women's face" it's=it is, its=possession: " it's (its) black eyes"
Story issues: "...because I knew that she would probably make us move." Is the protagonist's mother superstitious? Why would she go through something as difficult as moving houses because her son said he was something? You need to explain that more. Unfortunately black eyes have become a bit overused and become a Cliche. You need to build up the description more than just black hair, black sunken eyes (3x), and pale. It seems a lot like "The Ring" but with blackened eyes.
You also play the dream angle quite a bit, but for the ending to work ("It makes me panic. You should also be afraid of them."), you need to bring a greater urgency into the story. Having a recurring dream is good, but there really isn't much of a sense of impending doom without Bloody Mary/The Thing that lives Inside the Mirror actually menacing the protagonist in real life.
As it stands, this creepy pasta has a number of wording, grammatical, spacing, and story issues that result in it being below our Quality Standards, so I am going to turn down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:00, April 29, 2015 (UTC)

My Name is Jeff (DENIED)

So, I found a pasta and posted it on spin, so now I want to see if I can get it on here. I credit the origanal author in the pasta. It explains what the original "Jeff the Killer" story had wrong. My Name is Jeff.

I'm CrazyWords, I love you all! Talk to me Baby! Contributions! 05:27, May 10, 2015 (UTC)CrazyWords

Unfortunately trying to re-work a story/premise does not always mean it will be up to quality standards for this site as was the case for this story and your story as well.
This story has numerous spacing, punctuation, wording, and story issues that really detract from the overall experience and instead of building upon the premise, it seems to dig itself deeper by referencing other CPs (for the sake of name-dropping) and really doesn't build an engaging storyline outside of the source material which really results in a less-than-satisfactory conclusion. The quality standards for spinoffs are much higher and unfortunately this story does not meet our standards which means that this appeal is being turned down. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:03, May 10, 2015 (UTC)

The Monsters You've Created (DENIED)

Fairly recently on the SomeOrdinaryGamers Wiki, I posted a twist-ending story titled The Monsters You've Created. It got positive reviews and was edited after suggestions were given. I'll be blunt for the sake of time: it's a FNAF story but it isn't fan-fiction. The story is from the perspective of the murdered children who are calling out for their killer to die. The story goes deeper into this and I can only hope you give it a chance, along with a read to see if it's up to your standards. Thank you for your time.

Story: http://someordinarygamers.wikia.com/wiki/The_Monsters_You've_Created

Sshakenbakee (talk) 01:22, May 27, 2015 (UTC)Sshakenbakee

While the story is steps above almost all the typical FNAF-based stories users post (and we delete, thanks for using the appeal by the way.) there are a few issues that really make this one a tough sell. Awkward wording: "It’s all of us that are going to be what ends your miserable life.", "Our spirits will remain to haunt this world until justice is done upon you." However a majority of the issues I found with this story are in the plot itself.
Story issues: A lot of the monologues seem out of place. (Especially since, yes I played the games, they come from the perspectives of children.) "You’re next to become cursed to bear this misfortune.", "You disregarded all of that and went against the grain. You preyed on the innocent, raised yourself to become ruthless, told yourself to kill and asked evil things of yourself.", "...hope that we will find killing just as enjoyable as you because death is the only form of justice you deserve, you deceitful bastard. You twisted, evil, deceitful bastard." It really seems out of place that children talk of such high-handed concepts like retribution and justice.
Plot issues: While it does give some insight into the mind(s') of the murder children, the plot really doesn't progress very far beyond that premise. It re-hashes the children's anger towards the purple man and desire for justice, but it doesn't really build off of the story any. As I said before, it is steps above the other FNAF stories that I've read, but it really doesn't build off the concept any and the awkward wording, out-of-place monologue, and story issues really detract from the overall story. I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down this appeal. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:10, May 27, 2015 (UTC)

Let's Play SONIC (DENIED)

So I started a thread on wether I should remaster the story of "Sonic.exe" because let's face it, It's 4 years old and hasn't gotten any better. In fact, it wasn't even that good back then. I am here to change that. I have made a remastered Sonic.exe pasta called "Let's play SONIC." Where the main character is a let's player, the words "hyper realistic" are removed from the story, grammar issues are fixed, and the main character doesn't die at the end due to sonic plushie. In fact, he actually doesn't die. Here's the link to the pastebin: http://pastebin.com/78UTVLG8

Gatlingpea12 (talk) 01:13, June 17, 2015 (UTC)

I'm sorry but this story is not up to quality standards due to wording, cliche, and story issues.
Wording errors: "When (I) opened my mailbox up, there was (were) the usual newspapers and junk mail, but then there was also a 700 megabyte storage cd, with nothing written on the top of it.", "I said as the creen (sic) went black for a bit", ""The voice-over was so rediculous (ridiculous) and slow", "Okay, this is getting repetative (repetitive).", etc.
Cliches: You try to avoid most cliches but end up walking right into a number of other ones. "A reversed theme played, which sounded threatening." (#9), "Then, for a split second, Sonic opened his eyes, and they were black with red pupils." (black and red eyes cliche.), "a (an) EAR-PIERCING bit-crushed scream played" (#11). Here is a list of Cliches commonly found in creepy pastas.
Story issues: the protagonist constantly trying to take the piss out of the creepy factor of the game really draws the reader out of the story and points out that the same material you are using in the story is in fact overused. It also feels like you're just riffing on the old (notably bad story) with little to no effect. I'm sorry, but this seems like a re-hashing of the original where you pulled out issues that have garnered dislike over the years. The same thing has been done to Jeff the Killer as well with the same result. A spinoff really shouldn't just be a rehashing of the original. Please read this guide for more a more in-depth response. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:33, June 17, 2015 (UTC)

Well, see, I had to keep true to the game in question, seeing as how the tale is 4 years old, and the actual game still gets updates. Messing with the original plot would be like retelling the story of titanic with Mexican mice and a rapping dog. (This actually did happen btw) But I also had to change the protagonist to something that didn't feel like he had stockholm syndrome. The excuse for the main character to keep playing was the audience. I guess I took that a bit far. The wording, I guess should have been fixed before I posted it to pastebin. But maybe those typos could have been fixed on their way to the wiki. I'm not the best typer in the world, and when I type fast, I get a bit clumsy. Finally, when you try to avoid Cliches that were in the source material, and you don't want to mess up the original plot, you tend to run into new ones. It's almost IMPOSSIBLE to make a creepypasta with absolutely no cliches. Nothing's perfect, and from how strict you guys have been lately, you seem to think that there is such thing as absolutely perfect. The Russian sleep experiment is one of the best creepypastas out there, yet the way the final test subject describes that sleep can help your sanity makes it feel really rushed. I have total respect for you, I mean, The wiki would be really different without quality control. Just please tone it down a bit, and don't automatically decline a creepypasta for having a few cliches here and there. The protagonist, I can understand a fix. He was obviously too much like Someordinarygamers, not getting scared, and nitpicking at the game. But it's impossible to make a 100% original and cliche free story at this point. So I'll fix the protagonist, TRY to remove the cliches, and fix the wording.

—Preceding unsigned comment added by Gatlingpea12 (talkcontribs).

I'm afraid that, until all the issues above have been resolved, this appeal will remain denied. What you've said above doesn't resolve the issues. Once you've re-worked it, feel free to submit another appeal. « UnderScorre » 08:08, June 17, 2015 (UTC)

Alright, So I've fixed it, including removing the cliches. (Which wasn't as hard as I though I was going to be.) Here's the link: http://pastebin.com/6iDUcEs6 If it's not perfect again, just tell me why. Give me your most constructive criticism.

(I can't sign this at all for some reason, When I try to do the four tildes, it just says "Use the source editor" But the source editor doesn't put in the wikitext, only the actual tildes show up. Sorry for the inconvinience.)

Gatlingpea12 (talk) 03:57, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

I'm trying my best not to discourage you here. It's clear you've put in work, but the issue is that you're taking a story that was already flawed from the beginning and trying to polish it up. It's got issues and re-hashing the fan-made video game really doesn't work out too much in its favor.
Capitalization issues: "i've (I've) heard that laugh somewhere", "The adventures (Adventures) of Sonic the Hedgehog", "front of tails (Tails)", "looked at sonic (Sonic)", "i'm getting a bit scared", "Oh jesus", etc.
Wording/spelling: "I exclamed (exclaimed), both enthusiastically (for the audience) and nervously.]." (square bracket not needed, as is with additional period.), "I exclamed aloud.", "I reached the tip (top) of the first staircase.", "our should (souls) once more."
Punctuation: "large text showed up saying (")FOUnd yOu.(")" Video game/show titles should be in quotations/underlined to avoid confusion.
Story issues: "demonic Sonic the hedgehog" Description is the name of the game here. What makes him look demonic? Dialogue should also be spaced out from when Sonic talks and the protagonist talks. ""So many souls to play with, so little time, wouldn't you agree?" The demonic Sonic read that aloud too. "What, are you the devil?"" I know it's hard to avoid cliches because the original did them, but it still detracts from the story and as the game/story is so steeped in them, it's damn near impossible to do it without them: "wind-ish theme was playing backwards.", "YOU'RE NEXT", etc.
Nothing is perfect, but the issue is turning something bad into something good. It really doesn't work. See the "Jeff the Killer" remakes. It would be like trying to take "Plan 9 From Outer Space" and making it a good movie. Even if you try, there's still a link/connection to the original that is going to weigh it down. (As is the case here.) Even if those errors were fixed, the story would still be bad. (Through no fault of your own.) That's just the nature of the story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:55, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

I understand. I guess a remaster was just not meant to be. I'll try to make my own original story. (Though, that can be pretty hard.) The remaster is off. Gatlingpea12 (talk) 04:04, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

You can still put it in your re-master thread (in a pastebin link) for those that might want to read it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 04:11, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

Okay, sounds good! I mean, I managed to make it into a decent creepypasta. Not a GREAT creepypasta, but a decent one. also, I managed to fix more of the stuff you pointed out, just so you know. Gatlingpea12 (talk) 19:20, June 18, 2015 (UTC)

The Holders series - a couple of Object stories (DENIED)

Hi there. 

I understand that the Holders series is a bit overdone, but I have a couple of stories that I would love to see up on this site. Both are loaded on my DeviantArt page and would fall under the "Legion's Objects" catergory, as the original 538 Objects are all spoken for. 

The Holder of Whispers

http://teslan606.deviantart.com/art/The-Holder-of-Whispers-543307984

It's loosely based on the way certain people experience ASMR.

The Holder of Childhood

http://teslan606.deviantart.com/art/The-Holder-of-Childhood-543517989

This one is honestly just me working through my issues of how creepy I find small children. 

Thanks in advance for your consideration, I look forward to your feedback. 

TeslanTeslan606 (talk) 07:57, July 2, 2015 (UTC)

Starting with some of the formatting, the third and sixth paragraph in "The Holder of Whispers" should be broken up some. A typical paragraph is five to ten sentences. Any more and it becomes blocky and harder to read. Other than that, there aren't too many issues other than sometimes forgetting to capitalize pronouns when referring to the objects.
Your stories do capture the feel of Holders stories, with the introduction and style. Unfortunately we discontinued the Holders series on this wiki due to the fact that a lot of the entries were becoming very formulaic: "In any city, in any country, go to any...", "Ask for the holder of...", "This object is object (number) of...". The same goes for a lot of the other stories we discontinued. (Zelda and poke pastas) This has become especially noticeable since the series ballooned from 538 to 2000+ (Including Legion's objects), which is why we only have a few holder stories on this wiki.
Unfortunately your series also sticks to the same pattern and really doesn't add anything new. This was the main reason why we stopped accepting those stories. They were becoming very cookie-cutter and re-hashing the same horror tropes. (Creepy children, decaying monsters, etc.) while the overall mystery of the series was relatively involving, the stories weren't. Your stories really add nothing new to the overall mythos and their inclusion here would only result in another incomplete series. I would suggest going over to the Holders Wikia as they would likely accept the story and you would find an audience there. I'm going to have to turn down this appeal on the grounds listed above. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:19, July 2, 2015 (UTC)
Thanks for your comments, the quick response is appreciated. I had a feeling this would be the case, but you can't blame a girl for trying! =)
Teslan~~~~
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