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I wanted to look beautiful when I jumped. I put on my new dress, applied my favorite red lipstick, and made my way towards the tower.

I admit that I was afraid to die, but the thought of living seemed far more hideous; my love now loved another, and the heartache had become too much to bear. I could not go on without him, even if it meant bringing my own life to a shattering end.

My hair danced in the breeze as I stood on the tower's balcony. The ground below me looked insignificant and meek—cars, buildings, people scurrying along the sidewalk like aimless ants. There was nothing down there that meant anything to me. Not anymore.

I folded my coat and neatly placed it beside my shoes on the balcony floor. I didn't include a note with my belongings, for I knew not a soul who would care enough to read it except the one who had once loved me and already I had given him a broken heart's worth of words until I had none left in me. I had no desire to leave the rest of the world a spiel riddled with emotion or an assurance that there was nothing anybody could have done to prevent what I planned to do; all I wanted was to no longer feel the terrible pain that ate away at me with every breath I drew and rendered me unrecognizable even to myself.

I had one leg swung over the railing when my phone rang. I climbed down and plucked it from my coat pocket.

It was him, the man I loved. He begged for another chance and implored me not to take that irreversible leap. “I'll do anything,” he pleaded, “if it means you'll come back.”

I sobbed. How long I had waited to hear those words, and how unfair it was that he finally spoke them now. I wanted so badly to believe him, but how could I? He had betrayed me with a woman I thought was my friend and showed no remorse even as I wept. How could I trust a single word that spilled from his traitorous lips, no matter how deeply I yearned to kiss them one last time?

The answer was as simple as it was agonizing: I couldn't.

I dropped my phone, ran to the railing, and flung myself over it.

In the seconds between the leap and my body slamming onto the asphalt, I thought of the envelope I had left earlier that day at the house we once shared. I imagined him arriving home from work to find my letter waiting for him, and the expression of dawning horror on his face as he read it and realized the totality of my actions.

Just before I burst into an eruption of blood and flesh and surrendered to an exquisite sense of peace, I smiled dimly as I remembered my final written words.

Only I know where she is.



Written by CertainShadows
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