Am I possessed?[]
I'm a 15-year-old girl that lives ten minutes from Canada. I live with my mom, dad, little sister, and my little brother. I'm the oldest of the three of us. I like to watch horror movies in my room with the lights all off. I think it's better that way. I don't share my room with anyone. Well, to be honest, nobody shares a room except my parents. I was watching Youtube like any other day, watching ghost videos on my computer. I had it sitting on my lap with a pillow under it. I had my earbud in my left ear so I could hear someone when they called me. As I was watching my video I heard footsteps coming into my room. I paused the video and looked at my door. At the same moment, the footsteps stopped at my door. I heard a loud knocking sound and I put my computer on my stand next to my bed. I threw my sheets to my left side. I got up and went to my door and I opened it and my little sister was there.
"Mom wants you to do the dishes," she said.
"Why," I asked.
" Because I'm only 9 and you are 15," she said, giving me sas.
"Fine," I said, shutting my door and moving her out of my way.
I looked for mom and she was in the kitchen trying to clean up my brother. He was throwing all kinds of things and he's only two years old. I started to do the dishes and it took me 20 minutes to do them, so I went back to my room to watch the rest of the movie I started. I watched it for an hour and thirty-five minutes before putting my computer up. I lay in bed for ten minutes before I started to get an idea. I grabbed the phone which was on the stand next to my computer. I went to the app store and I looked for a game to play. I found Ghost Hunting Tools and I thought it was cool. I downloaded the app and waited for it to be made. When it was done, I opened it and it was an app to talk with ghosts.
"Woah!This is cool," I said, as I checked out the app some more. I was looking at the screen and I realized I could put it to a test in the cemetery down the street. I climbed out the window, walking across the cold roof to reach the fence. I held onto the fence as I leaped off onto the cold grass.
"Let's go have some fun!" I said, running next to the road with my hair flowing behind me as I ran. I ran until I came to a large, dark cemetery. I checked before walking in since there are always someone on the road at this time of night. I walk in with only my phone light to guide me in the dark. I looked at the app and tried it out.
"Hello," I asked, what the directions said to do first. I looked at these three little dots on my screen before I saw the word "Girl". "Hello, and yes. I'm a girl. What are you?"
I looked around to see if someone was following me, since I felt like someone was there with me. When I looked back, I saw the words " male" and then " girl" again. I sat down on the grass and asked another question.
"Do you see me?" I asked, as the entity replied with "Yes". "Are you nice or a jerk?"
After I asked if it was nice or a jerk, behind my ear started to feel like it was burning. At that moment, the entity replied with "Fire", then changed to "You". I got angry at the fact that this ghost may have just burned me, so I yelled at the screen.
"Listen here, whoever you are! Do not do that again to me! Go to hell," I yelled, standing up to my feet.As I was about to leave, my phone went off. I pulled out my phone and the app was still on, working with one word. "Kill". I started to get nervous, since I didn't know why that word. I turned my phone back off and it turned back to the apps screen. This time three words came up. "You, kill, demon". I looked at my screen with wide eyes as I stared at my phone. I looked around as my phone screen caught my eyes. This time, it had the sentence "Demon will get you". I had nothing going through my mind but the words this entity was saying, so I ran down the road. I almost got hit by a black car coming in my direction but missed me.
"Watch it kid," the driver yelled, flipping me off as he drove past me.
"Sorry sir," I yelled, running down the middle of the street with a panicked look on my face. My phone started to go off some more as I ran down the road. I didn't stop to look at it but it kept going off until I got to my driveway. I stop with my hands on my knees, breathing heavily. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest like it was going to burst out of me. I looked up and I swore I had seen someone, but it was also dark so I didn't believe what I was seeing. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the word bank for the ghost app. I was even more scared than I was in the beginning. " Run, demon, girl, house, see, evil, death, blood" were the words that were in the bank and I was shocked and confused about what it was trying to say to me.
"I'm in big trouble," I said, deleting the app from my phone. "Glad that's over."
I started to walk back to the fence to get up to the roof. My phone was getting hot and it felt like it was burning through my pants to my skin. I ignored it and pulled myself onto the roof, but my phone was getting even hotter. Still, I ignored it and went back to my room window. Pushing the window open, I climbed inside. Once I shut and locked my window, my leg felt like it was on fire. I went to pull my phone out of my pocket but it burned my hand.
"Ouch! Fucking phone," I yelled, dropping my phone onto the floor. I went to pick it back up but pulled my hand away knowing it might burn my hand again. I wanted to pick it up but I also didn't want to. Thinking about it, I picked it up. My phone was still warm but cooled off enough for me to be able to hold it in my hands. I turned it on and the stupid app was back and history got her nervous. It said, "Girl, run, Fence, climb,roof, scared, male,demon, family, sister, girl, demon, parents, demon, and kill". I got scared and threw my phone at the wall before I felt like I had no control over myself. I walked over to my window, the one without the roof outside of it. With the window wide open, I hung my legs out, looking out into the town before I felt like I wanted to jump.
"What am I doing," I said, freaking out as I realized what I was doing. I scrambled back into my room and locked the window with a sigh of relief that I didn't jump. I plopped myself onto my bed, breathing heavily at the thought that I had just had.
"What's wrong with me," I asked myself, adjusting myself so my head was on my pillow. I had no idea what had gotten into me. I never would have done anything like that nor would I ever want to do that. I looked up at the ceiling before I closed my eyes, trying to forget out the window thing. My breathing slowed down and I started to calm myself down. I started to drift off to sleep with the thought burning in my mind.
(The Next Morning)
As I woke up, my little sister was shaking me. I pushed her over, so I could get out of bed.
"Hey," she whined.
"Sorry but I...," I froze, like I had nothing to say to her.
"Sissy? Are you okay," she asked, before I put my hands on her little neck.
"Why can't you leave me alone," I said, with aggression, as I started to strangle her. Her neck was small compared to my hands. I could feel her heart beating as I leaned closer to her to get more pressure. She tried to push me away but I had a stronger grip on her little neck.
"Sissy...s...stop...please," she begged, still trying to get away. I watched as her life drew from her eyes and her pushing became weak. " your eyes...they are...red,"she said, trying to get me off of her. I watched as her eyes grew heavy and her life drew away from her eyes some more. I saw her eyes go into the back of her head as her body went limp. She stopped pushing me so I let her body fall to the floor with a Thud. I looked at her for a second before my eyes changed colors. She said they were red but I saw them brown.
"What was she talking about," I asked, looking at her dead body. She had bruising around her neck and it was my fault this happened, but I don't remember doing this to her. I just looked at her and knew I had to hide her somewhere. I went quietly to her room and took her baby pink blanket. I wrapped her up in it and went downstairs to hide her body. I ran through the backyard to the woods so nobody would see her. I ran with no shoes on my feet as I ran to this spot near a river only she and I knew about. As I kept running, I heard someone coming up behind me. I looked around and saw nobody near me, so I tucked her under a fallen log so they wouldn't see her.
"It's okay Annie. I won't let them find you," I said, covering the blanket with some leaves.
I looked in front of me and I was confused about what had happened. I felt something wet on my hands so I looked at them. They were covered in blood and I looked down in front of me with shock. There were two dead bodies about five feet from me. They had their faces down on the ground, scratches all over their backs, and a pool of blood around them. My curiosity took over my mental judgment and I walked over to them. I didn't want to go near them, but I also wanted to know what happened to them. I walked closer and closer to them and rolled one onto it's back.
"Oh, my god," I screamed, as I looked at it.
It had scratches all over its face and the eyes were missing from both sockets. As I looked down at it I was even more terrified. The chest was ripped open and the rib bones were missing along with the heart. The other organs like the stomach, lungs, and intestines were also missing. I saw the ribs thrown all over the ground around it. I rolled the other one onto its back like I did with the first and it looked just like the other one. I got a closer look at them and they weren't my mom and dad. They were the neighbors who always get in our business. I never really liked them, but with them dead in front of me was a whole other level.
"Who did this," I thought, looking at them in fear.
I thought about it so I went home and came back with a shovel. I started to dig two holes about five feet deep. I wanted them to be so far on the ground that they wouldn't be noticeable. I kept on digging for a long time before I dragged one body into one hole and then put the other in the other hole. They were very heavy and I did get them inside the other one. I picked up the rib bones and threw them into the hole so nobody would know they were there along with the bloody dirt. I started to throw the dirt on top of both of them. I spent ten minutes filling in the holes. When I was done, I went to Annie. I moved the leaves off the blanket before picking her up. I knew what I had to do, so I took Annie to the river. They were far enough from my house but they wouldn't expect a thing. As I ran to the river, I pulled the blanket down from Annie's face so I could see her. I felt bad that she was gone and no one would find her. Looking at her face for a second made me almost cry.
"It's okay Annie. I got you and I'm taking you to our favorite place to go to. That spot next to the river. You'll love it there," I said, continuing to run through the woods. I ran and almost tripped on a log, but I didn't fall down. As I got to the river I was relieved that I hadn't gotten caught yet. I sat Annie down with her back to a tree so she could see the water. I went back to get the shovel so I could bury her. I came back and started to dig. I went five feet deep and it took ten minutes to dig but I got it. I covered my sister's face and gently put her inside the hole. Making sure she was all covered before I put the dirt on top of her. I started at her feet and worked my way up her body. When I got to her face, I used my hands to cover her face up so I wouldn't hurt her little face. I covered the rest of her up and filled in the hole.
"I'm sorry Annie," I said, putting a huge rock on her headstone. I put an "A" on it by scratching the rock with my shovel I had. I looked at the stone one more time before running home before my parents woke up. I ran through the woods and stepped on my neighbor's grave. My foot sunk into the ground so I stopped to fix it so my footprint was gone. I put more dirt over my footprints and ran home. When I got home, my feet were covered in scratches and I think I had some wood stuck in them as well. I looked up at my parent's window and the lights were on.
"Oh no! They're up! I'm in big trouble now," I said, looking at the window.
I had to get inside without getting caught by anyone. I looked at the fence and I knew what I had to do. I pulled myself up onto the six-foot fence and stood on it. I reached for the roof so I could walk on it to get to my bedroom window. My feet were killing me from the pieces of wood stuck on the bottom of them. I closed my eyes as I walked on the roof. Not because I was scared, it was my feet that were hurting. I walked over the cold roof and stopped next to my parent's window. I peeked through the small crack in the curtains and they were making their bed.
"If I don't get to my bed...they'll find out about Annie," I thought to myself.
I went around the window and ran up to my bedroom window. I opened it slowly and climbed into my room. I shut the window and sat on my bed in my PJs. At the same moment, my mom opened my door.
"Honey, have you seen Annie," she asked, peeking around the door.
"No, I just got up," I lied.
"Can you help me find her," she asked, as she grew more concerned about her.
"Sure, where do you want me to...," I started, as my mom interrupted me.
"What's on your hands," she asked, looking at them.
I forgot to clean them up and they were covered in blood. So I tried to think of something to tell her.
"I was coloring last night," I said, trying to hold a straight face.
"Coloring with what," she asked, as she gave me a weird look.
"With paint," I said.
"Where is it?"
"On my desk," I said, pointing to all kinds of colored paint.
"Hmmm...okay. I want you to get cleaned up." she said, closing the door.I let out a sigh of relief knowing she bought it and that I still had Annie hidden. I went to my door and peeked outside and my parents both went downstairs, so I ran to the bathroom to wash the blood off my hands. I hope nobody finds her or the others that I killed. I finished washing my hands and went downstairs to my father looking at me. He gave me a weird glare and I knew right there and then I was in huge trouble. " Sit down now," he demanded, still giving me that glare as I walked over to the chair that was right in front of him.
"Yes," I asked, sitting down.
"Your mother said you were covered in something red," he said, still giving me that ugly look.
"Yes, I was. But I'm clean now," I said, as he stood up from his chair and I did too. I pushed him so hard he went flying across the room. "Dad? Dad? Can you hear me?"
The only thing that came to my mind was...kill him. He might get me caught if I let him live.
"Sorry dad," I said, as I walked over to him. He was trying to get up on his feet but his head was bleeding from the contact with the wall. He held his head and looked at me with fear and shock.
"How did you get so strong," he asked, sitting on the floor still holding his head.
"Because I'm not your daughter...I'm something else," I said, in a deep dark voice. I watched as my dad tried to slide away from me. "Silly old man... you have to do more than slide from me... I'm going to get you and finish you off like I did with Annie!"
At that moment, my dad got to his feet and tried to find mom. I watched him without moving my head as he ran down the hall. I transported myself in front of him and he was scared. He looked into my blood-red eyes as he stood there in pure fear.
"Where you going...you forgot me," I said, in a dark little kid's voice. "Don't you want to play?"
"Not with you! I would rather send you to hell," my dad yelled at me, as mom came into the room.
"Sweetheart, why would you say that to him," she asked, with her hand on her hips.
"He's being a jerk," I yelled to my mother. "He's an asshole!"
"Watch your mouth," my mother demanded.
"No! I don't need to cause I'm not your daughter, you foolish," I screamed, then I heard my little brother start to cry.
"You need to stop yelling or go to your room," my mother said, waking up to my brother's room.
"I rather have you all died!" I shouted, storming off to my room with a pissed off look on my face.
"You don't mean that," I heard my father shout up to me.
"Maybe I do," I said, to myself.
I got to my room and went inside, pissed off since dad was being an asshole. I turned around and slammed my door so hard that the floor shook. I could hear my father as he yelled at me to knock it off but I didn't care. All I felt was rage and the thoughts of my father made me acrimonious. I walked in a small circle around my room as I thought about the conversation I had with my parents. I meant every word that I said down there. I really did. All I could think about was killing that bastard. I knew mom would go shopping and she took my little brother with her so that would be my chance. I waited in my room while I was waiting for my mother to get my brother ready.
"I'm going shopping right now, babe! Is there anything that you need," I heard her say.
"No, I don't," my father replied, while my mother walked outside. I watched from the window so I could see her pull out and leave the house. I watched as they left the driveway and started to smile from ear to ear.
"Let's get that asshole," I said, sneaking downstairs to see where my dad was at. I watched around and found him in the kitchen. He was making a chicken for dinner and I had my eyes on the knife he had. It looks perfect for killing him with. I just need to get it from him.
"Hey, dad? I'm sorry I called you an asshole and yelled at you and mom," I said, coming into the kitchen so he could see me.
"Hey, and thank you for apologizing," my dad said, turning to me with the knife at his side. The knife was facing down so I could get it while he was watching me.
"I can help you," I said, walking closer to him.
"Sure. Do you want to cut this while I get the plates," he said, handing me the knife.
"Of course," I said, walking over to the cooked chicken. I waited for him to turn his back to me and once he did, I went behind him. I was right behind him with the knife in the air. I tried to stab him in the neck but he turned around before I could do it.
"What are you doing," he asked, dropping the plates onto the ground. They all shattered as I threw the knife down into my dad's left hand. He pulled his hand away and went to stop me from getting another one. I reached for the drawer that had all the knives we owned but my dad was pulling me back.
"You don't need another one," my dad said, pulling me backwards.
"Yes...I...do," I said, stepping onto my father's foot. He let me go and I dug around in the drawer to find the sharpest one. When he pushed me away and pinned me to the wall, he hit the back of my head when he shoved me.
"You don't need another knife! You need to stop it," he yelled at me, with anger glowing in his eyes.
"I can't do that," I said, in a demonic voice. "I need you gone."
"What the fuck," he said, loosening his grip on me. "You sounded like..."
"A demon? A thing that wants you dead," I said, in a deep demonic voice with my eyes glowing blood-red.
"What happened to you," he asked, now with a fearful look on his face.
"I was bad and now we all must suffer," I said,with my nail growing long and sharper. I had my nails digging into my dad's chest but he never let me go. "Let me go and you can live."
"You're insane! You've lost it! You're crazy," my dad shouted into my face.
"Hahaha! No...you are," I said, laughing demonically as I impaled my nail into my father's heart. He tried to push my hand back, but I was too strong for him. He kept trying to push me off him but he grew weaker from the amount of blood he was losing. His blood ran down his chest and dripped onto the floor where there was a massive puddle under him. "I win."
"You...are..." my father started, choking on his blood.
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My briefcase full of BEES!! (talk) 13:15, 3 February 2022 (UTC)[]
This story is just rough. There's several grammatical errors, such as 'fifthteen'. The main character gets possessed way too quickly, and there's nothing that explains why they got possessed. Overall, I like the idea, but it needs so much more work.
Nofac (talk) 07:50, 7 February 2022 (UTC)[]
As someone already pointed out, there are several grammatical errors (especially when it comes to verbs and their tense). The story itself is good, you have good material to come up with something scary and well written but, right now, the plot itself just lacks details. Some paragraphs also miss punctuations entirely or it’s all sentences without commas and just dots separating them. It’s a bit hard to read considering you have to constantly pause.
I can suggest you to add more details to your story, maybe by describing how the main character (and her parents) feels as she gets possessed and loses control over her body. It kinda feels like everything is happening too fast and you can’t really grasp the horror behind it all. With this, also try to describe your death scenes a little better: her father literally never fights back as the knife goes through his body. He just accepts defeat…? Her mother also seems very clueless considering how many times she fails to hear her daughter chanting death threats at her husband. Doesn’t she live with them?
There’s nothing explaining why and how the protagonist has been possessed; why would a demon randomly come up to a fifteen year old girl and ask if she wants help? You can make this more interesting by giving your protagonist a hobby centered around ghosts and overall anything paranormal. She could be one of those people who like playing with Ouija boards but ended up crossing the line and got haunted… like Doris from Ouija. I’m just giving out ideas.
In short, the whole thing is rough and I hope you will, at least, fix the main grammatical and punctuation issues as you update your draft. As I said, the story has potential, but needs to be reviewed a bunch before being posted.