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Forums: Index > Writers' Workshop > Arsenic


Introduction[]

Hey guys! I'm new to this fandom and this is my first post. Please leave a feedback to this story.

Thanks, PracticallyNonExistent.

The Story[]

Chapter 1: The Beginning of the Untold
11 November 2022, Friday, 7:45pm.
Today was a hell of a day. I just got back home from school along with a ton of homework which I had to finish by this weekend. The longest assignment I got was an essay about accidental pollution - 250 to 300 words. This may seem easy, but you see, I am lazy. My mind was automatically set to "holiday mood" because today is Friday! Oh, and by the way, I don't usually get holidays for Saturday, since it's second Saturday, we get a freebie. Back to what I was saying, I had no choice but to finish the assignment. I've heard stories about an industry in a country not far from here which had major pollution during the past few years. It was started accidentally when a light dust of a mineral was caught by fire and it spread across the building. How scary! I can use this example for my homework, I could gain extra marks for it as it's based on a real life incident. I proposed this idea to my parents to see if it was a good one. Surprisingly, they said it would be a bad idea to do so. I didn't know what were they talking about, and asked "why not?", my mom replied "we don't talk about it anymore, just forget it existed." I was in shock, I tried asking them why, but there was no response. That's it for today, I couldn't start my homework. :(

12 November 2022, Saturday, 8:00pm.
Today I woke up a bit early, because why not? I started researching on the "industry which was caught in fire". If no one can explain me, internet is the only way to go. I was shocked at what I saw. "The whole building collapsed due to unbalanced pillars caught in fire." Wait, hold up. How is a pillar made of cement catch FIRE? This was not any pillar, it was a special one. "25 workers lost their lives and 17 people nearby were injured, some were injured badly. This effect released a lot of smoke and toxic substances into the atmosphere and caused respiratory diseases to many in that area. Since then, the whole area was cursed with weather changes regularly." But why were my parents worrying about an event which happened very far away? "Nevermind, I'll just use another incident for my homework, this is kind of complex." I said to myself and went to sleep.

Chapter 2: The Private Investigation
13 November 2022, Sunday, 9:00pm.
Today is a Sunday! I woke up with joy. Somehow, I felt different and started finishing all of my homework. Seriously, it was half past six in the morning and I already finished my breakfast. All of this motivation led me to secretly investigate the mysterious fall of Arsecty, Inc. Yes that's the name of the industry. I'm just in high school, not an actual investigator or a crime detective [even though i see myself as one]. The company had to shut down because of this impact very recently, like 4-5 days ago. Wait, it happened AGAIN? I searched it up and... it started literally yesterday. It happened while I was asleep. Arsecty, Inc was an electronic production company which uses arsenic in the production of electronics. This company had different branches across the countries near it and with the shutdown of the main company, all other areas will have it shut down by Sunday, which is today.

Arsenic is a chemical element with the atomic number 33 and symbol As. It is very poisonous in it's inorganic form, which is the main cause of this whole situation.

Not to mention, this also made the sky darker that it was before. I can see the sky outside my home as black as coal. Wow! What is gonna happen now?

Chapter 3: A new disease
14 November 2022, Monday, 8:30pm.
Today is Monday, back to school. But it's also "Children's Day" in my country, so it's basically celebration and a half-working day. I woke up as quickly as possible and got ready to school. I got on the morning bus and everyone were talking about the on-going issue. It was all over the news and media. The sky looked darker than before today. When we got into the school, our teachers closed the curtains and minimized the light sources in classrooms. "The climate change causes radiation and leads to skin cancer or damage in skin cells to our body." They said. We were all panicking. Some of us were hallucinating and fell asleep. No one knew what is the cause. This is where the scare begins. Once we got back home, my parents had already been on the news channel, for more than three hours. Turns out that many people were dying and being injured today. Doctors and researchers are puzzled, this cannot be a disease as people are directly dying. But regarding the injury, it can count as a disease which has a lesser incubation period. Is this arsenic poisoning? What if a pandemic starts? Am I going to die? Is it the end? Many questions, but barely any answers.

15 November 2022, Tuesday, 9:15pm Every school, college, university, office and company is closed now. Everything is running online. "Thankfully, these devices do not emit harmful radiation, so there's no way we'll get infected this way." we all thought and went on with our lives. Everyone started enjoying until 10k people get infected with a mysterious disease caused by electronic devices. It's true! The end is probably near! The demand for new gadgets and mode of communication. Me and my friends slightly open the curtains in my house just to find out that the sky is red. There's a lot of sounds and we could see clear thunderstorms happening everywhere. It's evening, and according to the news, every single continent has atleast 100k confirmed cases and 40k deaths. Scientists name this disease as "Arsen22" and governments force lockdowns on every single street around the world. In just two days, the plague has infected a total number of 740k people and counting...

Chapter 4: The massive spread
17 November 2022, Thursday, 8:40pm. I haven't written yesterday as we were busy buying and dividing supplies to our neighbors and family. Day 4 of Arsen 22. Around 20% of the world is infected currently and 70% of the infected are dead. Luckily, none of my friends and close family members and relatives have been infected. The sky is still red and the thunder has stopped now. Almost everything we hear now is sound signals from outside - I think that's Morse code. I could hear different messages and some being "SOS" which is quite disturbing. It's evening, according to WHO and CDC, 39% of the world is infected now, with 30% of the total deaths in the total population. Plants and animals are getting infected too! Most of our relatives have moved to a specific location, not far from a few kilometres from out home. We were done packing and moved there too. We went in a closed transportation to an area with lesser people and made special bunkers there. All of my friends and their family members have moved to this place too. We also started moving all supplies we could find to this place. It takes about 5 days to finish building this whole place.

20 November 2022, Sunday, 9:00pm.
We have finished building in less time than expected. Arsen22 has higher death rates now. more than 60% of the world is infected and 52% of the whole world's population does not exist. Hopefully we are all safe and invited many non-infected people as well. It's evening fast and there's something really crazy going on. THERE ARE ZOMBIES!!! Yes, you heard that right! I found some zombies near our base. They were green in color and look exactly like those from movies. Luckily, we had weapons and managed to get most of them. There's still one left - it tried to fight us and then disappeared. When I went up for seeing the view for the first time in many days, I found many bodies lying on the ground. Corpses carry infection! I went back inside and started sleeping.
The purge has begun! The biggest pandemic is here! THE END IS NEAR!

End of Part 1





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Beetle bub (talk) 09:11, 21 January 2023 (UTC)[]

Okay, so I am guessing that English is your second language. A lot of your sentences feel redundant in the way that direct translation can lead to. I know this might be difficult but would recommend reading something fairly simple written in English, so you have a better understanding of what makes a sentence good vs bad. For instance, when you write "people are directly dying", this is a sentence which doesn't make a lot of sense. If you said "the infected are dying too quickly" it would get across the idea, you are trying to communicate more quickly. I also recommend you take some time and re-assess what you want to accomplish with this story. I understand it is unfinished, but the notion of a zombie apocalypse is not new on this wiki, let alone in pop culture, so you are really going to need to inject your story with something more interesting than it just being poison instead of disease which causes the zombies to rise. If the story is going to exist from a first-person perspective only, you should focus on the limitations of that perspective by showing how scared and confused the protagonist and their community are. Don't just tell the audience that people are dying somewhere, make it clear that most people don't understand what is happening in the world, because that is much scarier and much more effective. 

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