Template:DVR-CREEPYPASTA[]
Hello my name is John, John Ferguson i am currently 32 and this is my blog about my old TiVo DVR.
Do you guys remember how television was in the early 2000’s remember when the cool kids on the block had DVR it was more like a luxury that only rich people had. I remember my family owning an old TiVo, I remember recording all of my old favorite shows like The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, Ed Edd and Eddy, ETC. After all those years i completely forgot about it till now i might have to ask Mom about it as my father had died about 3 years ago from Lung cancer, yeah the old man loved to smoke, but i still miss him.
So I decided to call dear old mom today and asked her about the old TiVo and she did not remember it. Well it has been years, maybe it's been so long she forgot..? But anyways I decided to ask if I could look in the attic because when we got Hulu during mid-2008 it was pretty much useless. I remember dad leaving it in the attic when we didn't need it.
So after searching the attic of my old house guess what i found… Surprise! I found the old TiVo but it wasn't how i remembered it, the label was scratched off and it was beaten up, but that did not matter, no matter if it still worked but i might have to fix it up.
I had not noticed until i took it home but the cables were missing but i guess i didn't search far in its box so that's my bad. But i just realized that i could check E bay, Craigslist, ETC. So I decided to search on my computer for some. I looked on Craigslist first. I decided that I was gonna pick the cheaper one. After all i didn't wanna spend a lot of money for something I'm not even sure works.
So today i bought some cheap cords off of Craigslist for like 2.00 i think but the reason they were so cheap is because they were used so i plugged them in and plugged it in to my TV and to my surprise it worked and a wave of nostalgia hit me as i saw all of my old favorite shows and all of my favorite episodes were at the top while looking through them and i knew i recorded more episodes at the top they had only 3 so i went down and looked. For whatever reason no description,title, or picture were visible. I thought “hey maybe the memory messed up might as well watch whatever these were.”
I clicked on the first one. It was one hour long. It looked like a doorbell camera or a security camera. I sped it up and realized it was just one hour of a camera going back and forth, some people walked by and cars drove by after that it just stopped. I was confused, i know i had not recorded this, nor would it be possible to record this. I decided to watch the other ones and it was just the same, on about the 6th video a man knocked on the door. And on the 6th one a man knocked on the door again and the person in the house answered as they did. The man forced his way in and off screen you could hear “No… Please dont” apparently from the homeowner after that a scream was heard along with a gunshot as it happened the man ran outside, saw the camera and grabbed spray paint out of his coat and spray painted the camera black. The video then ended.
I was confused and shocked all i could think was “I just witnessed a murder, i just witnessed a murder” i was scared but i thought that i should, no i need to turn this into the authorities as i was grabbing my keys and put on my coat i heard something. I- i heard a knock just a quiet knock-knock. I peered through the door hole i saw a man wearing a thick coat with spray paint in his coat pocket.
“Knock-Knock” “hello, answer the door, child…”
Author notes: this is my first creepy pasta if you do not like it please give your criticisms i want to become a better author. Thanks :)
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Te (talk) 14:18, 6 February 2022 (UTC)[]
Howdy!
So there's a few technical issues that I picked up on, pretty early, with your story.
The formatting is a wee bit off (too much spaces between paragraphs), but that's really not a big deal. I'm more concerned about the capitalization issues ("I" as a pronoun, must always be capitalized), and sentence structure.
"... but that did not matter, no matter if it still worked..." for example, reads very strangely. You probably only need one "not matter/no matter" in this case, otherwise it's redundant. The larger sentence as a whole is also a bit too much of a run-on (which occurs time to time in this story). Consider breaking apart sentences that have a lot of commas into shorter sentences. It comes across as more neat, and cohesive.
There's a few points when certain words are used ad nauseum. "But" for example, is very overused in the 5th paragraph. Sometime repetition can be a very poignant literary device, but in this case "but" is not a word that really adds much (as it's really just connecting separate clauses that aren't even contrasting).
"...on about the 6th video a man knocked on the door. And on the 6th one a man knocked on the door again and the person in the house answered as they did." I have no idea what the repetition here is trying to convey. Again, this kind of writing comes across as redundant. If the message can be conveyed more smoothly with less words, it's often the best choice.
The ending was pretty interesting. While the whole "oh no I'm next" cliche is often overused and can be boring, that doesn't mean it can't still work. To be honest, I think with a lot more work, you can turn this story into a really cool one.
Work on editing and proofreading, fixing up the sentence structures, and making the plot more cohesive. You need to know all the details. Whether or not you tell the reader, make sure that the details are there. For example, how does the bad guy (murderer) know that the video has been watched? How could he have found the kid? Is he supernatural? Was he searching for the evidence, and it just so happened to coincide with the kid finding it? Again, you don't necessarily need to tell the reader, but try to give them hints to the reasons behind why things are happening.
To end all this off, I think you have the bones of a good story here. It kept me interested, despite the issues I pointed out. With more effort, tidying up, and tweaking, you could have an excellent little spooky story.