Deep space lights[]
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This is an archived file from {Classified}
These files were being compiled from the now-defunct column B, with the last update in {Classified}
Security notice
A strange phenomenon has been observed by the Henry M. telescope that has brought the attention of scientists at column B. It is a strange pattern of flashing lights presumed to be multiple distant stars, though this has not been confirmed. Scientists at columns A and B have been looking into this strange phenomenon as of late, more updates are to come.
Stay safe, and explore the unknown. Kelem Space Organization.
Update: Citizens of column B have been showing signs of fatigue and have reported seeing a pattern of lights in their dreams similar to those observed by scientists. It is unknown if this is related to the current event going on out there, but this is likely.
Furthermore, scientists at column B who have observed the pattern of lights have been showing signs of confusion and stress, along with the same side effects explained by the citizens.
There have also been debates of what color the pattern of lights looks like, some turning into arguments and some even becoming violent. Multiple people have claimed the lights are red, yellow, white, orange, or blue. It seems that there is no defined color of the lights, so more research will be done over at column A for column B’s safety. More updates are to come.
Stay Safe, and explore the unknown. Kelem Space Organization.
Emergency update: Over 1 million citizens at column B have been in a state of panic, and uproar has been brought to column A’s attention, as well as the Kelem Space Organization Chancellors, a State of Emergency has been declared over at column B, as more citizens have started riots.
The lights have become dimmer and duller in color, and scientists that have observed the lights have gone into a deep-sleep status, and have been rendered unconscious. During these periods of sleep, they have been reported to suddenly experience a seizure and usually pass on.
This has been speculated to be caused by the lights at column B, but scientists from column A have argued that this is a random event caused by something entirely different and that the lights dimming down were evidence that the lights did not cause this. Neither has been confirmed, but the chancellors of Kelem Space Organization are split on what to believe.
There will be more updates on this situation, and we hope for the safety of all of our citizens and members of the scientific division.
Stay safe, and explore the unknown. Kelem Space Organization.
Update: The lights that have been observed have completely disappeared, but citizens at column B have been falling into a deep-sleep state when entering REM. The Chancellors have deliberately cut off communications with both columns. The reason why has not been disclosed, and column A and column B ministers have been discussing with higher authorities that still have contact.
It has been believed that The Chancellors have either died, cut off communications to preserve energy, or are hiding within {restricted access}
Whatever the reason may be, authorities and scientists have been worried about their safety understandably. We too at the Kelem Space Organization have been concerned about their safety at the time of this report.
Stay safe, and explore the unknown -Kelem Space Organization.
- Open interview log?:
Y/N
Y
Opening...
Interview log 78: Patient number 2465 has been interviewed by Lead Researcher Taylor Keith.
Begin log
Patient 2465: Where am I? Tell me already.
Taylor: You have been brought in due to a believed mental disease or illness, your safety is assured.
Patient 2465: I don’t care about that, just tell me where in the hell am I?
Taylor: You are not to worry, you are in safe hands here-
Patient 2465: That doesn’t answer my question dammit.
Taylor: We assure you that you are safe here-
{Patient 2465 is violently shaking}
Taylor (to radio): I might need an officer or two, patient is unstable.
{An officer enters the room}
Patient 2465: Where am I?
Patient 2465: Where am I! Answer my question asshole!
Taylor: Please calm down sir, you are overreacting.
Patient 2465 (chuckling): Yeah, course I’m overreacting, it’s not like I don’t know where I am.
Patient 2465: You all talk like robots, no human in you. You say the same exact thing, it’s like your made to drive people crazy, maybe that’s why you exist, to annoy, be assholes.
Taylor: We assure you that-
Patient 2465: What are you assuring? That you say the same exact thing every time a sound comes out of your mouth. Who are they? Control freaks? That’s what it’s always felt like.
Patient 2465: You take control of everything, no matter what it is. You take away the dearest things that belong to us for what? To sell them to other people so that it gets taken away again?
Taylor: We assure you that we are not your enemies, we are the reason you thrive-
Patient 2465: Now now now hold on right there, you said we thrive? Column A even lives a better life than us, and they already have a hard enough time living. To say that we thrive? ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE RIOTING! Holy shit... That boils my blood.
Taylor: You are fine, the officers will take you to another place
(An officer cuffs Patient 2465)
Officer {Classified}: Alright, come.
Patient 2465: Wait wait wait hold on don’t take me away not there oh please anywhere but there I can’t meet my demise I CAN’T GO THERE!
(Patient 2465 headbutts the officer, rendering him unconscious. As a second officer arrives and shoots the patient.)
(Officer {Classified} is still recovering from the incident.)
End log
Update: Contact with column A is lost, as riots die down and people start to pass on, a state of emergency is declared. Before all communication was lost column A was supposedly sending rescue units, but over a week has passed and no such units have been seen yet.
Not all hope is lost, as column B will stay strong forever and we will thrive, no matter what anyone says.
We will thrive.
Kelem Space Organization
- File Number 246:
Open? Y/N
Y
Opening…
- Rescue units? My ass. All they’ve done is be lazy and not show up, at least that’s what I assume. There’s no way column A could just snap out of existence, that’s just impossible. There aren’t any black holes nearby that could suck it up, and that would be the only plausible thing to happen. I haven’t gone insane yet, and surely I’m not dead because I’m still typing this thankfully, but I’m not sure if I even wanna be thankful. All the time I’m just around dead bodies and smelling death around. Such a shame. If only they could fix the core for once, I’m not saying that’s the reason, but I sure as hell don’t think it’s on at all. Thank the universe for letting us have a backup generator at least, but I have no clue for how long that will last. It’s pretty boring around, not much to do. I don’t even know why I’m writing this, it’s not like anyone will ever see it. I don’t have much hope, everything’s given out, and I feel tuckered out. Might as well sleep and put an end to my misery. That’s all for now, doubt I’ll write ever again. :
- Closing file:
- New file added:
Open? Y/N
Y
Opening...
Update: There have been reports of bodies disappearing, with no explanation. The lights have reappeared and are flashing repeatedly. Numbers in the colony have been dwindling down to the thousands. It is still unknown what the cause of these phenomenons are, but it's believed that the lights have something to do with it. We may not be in the best of times, but
We will thrive.
Stay safe, and explore the unknown.
Kelem Space Organization
Emergency update: The lights have gotten closer, many people are calling this the end of Column B, but alas, it will not be the end of us, we are strong. We will triumph.
We will be strong.
Kelem Space Organization
- Column A rescue team log:
Open?
Y/N
Y
Opening...
"Column B, do you copy?"
...
"Column B, do you copy?"
...
"Damn, just silence. Well, we are getting closer to the location command."
{Copy, any debris?}
"None as of now."
{Well, that's a good sign.}
"Yeah, means they weren't blown up."
(The rescue team approaches the location)
"Uh command. Where the fuck is column B?"
{Wait... explain.}
"Well, we are here, and there is absolutely nothing. Just a void."
{What the fuck...}
"Well, lets search the perimeters. Maybe they moved location."
"Final time... Column B, Do you copy?"
...
"Useless..."
(A 3 day long search for Column B is started, but nothing is found.)
(An transmission from column B is played.)
"Hold on. Command, Column B is responding. About damn time."
{Copy. Play the transmission."
(Wind is heard, with multiple strange sounds playing in the background. The transmission lasts for a whole minute before abruptly ending.)
{I think it's best not to continue the search anymore. It's leading to nowhere and it's a waste of fuel.}
"Copy. Heading back to base..."
"What the fuck happened to them..."
- End log:
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Te (talk) 14:40, 11 March 2022 (UTC)[]
I've arrived to provide some feedback, my friend!
First off, with the memetic kill agent thing, I think it's better to imply the results (killing you) than to explain it. But that's just my personal opinion.
The formatting / spacing is inconsistent, and off. That could largely be because of the Workshop's layout. It's awkward to format a story through the wiki in general though. That's why I recommend copy-pasting from docs or word, then fixing the (inevitable) formatting issues that occur anyhow.
I'm not 100% sure how, but I can find this out for you: you can create your own expand/collapsible section in your story. If you want to have a really engrossing real aspect to it, with the selection of Y/N to proceed, you could set up a link for "N" that takes people back to the wiki's main page, and make the "Y" a collapsible section that continues through the pasta. Just a thought.
There's a few issues with spelling (you’re = you are, your = belongs to you), wording and sentence structure that could use a good tweaking. It may help to read your story back to yourself slowly, out loud. That can really help you recognize these types of issues. Here are some examples (underlined are pointed out issues, bold are words I've added):
"...and uproar has been brought to column A’s attention, as long as the Kelem Space Organization Chancellors, a State of Emergency has been declared over at column B, as more citizens have started riots." I'm really unsure as to what the underlined portion is trying to say. Is it in accordance with the Chancellor's edicts, or something?
"...into a deep-sleep state when entering REM..." comes across a bit awkwardly. Rem itself is part of a deep-sleep state. Perhaps you could reword that to be more cohesive?
"...either died, cut off communications to preserve energy, or are hiding within {restricted access}..."
If "Stay safe, and explore the unknown. Kelem Space Organization." is a signature/signoff or motto maybe indicate that with a hyphen, or italics? It just makes it look prettier. For example:
Stay safe, and explore the unknown. -Kelem Space Organization.
Stay safe, and explore the unknown. -Kelem Space Organization.
The dialogue in the interview was okay. It could use a little bit more organic reworking. Really try to envision how it would play out in a back-and-forth with rising tensions.
I’m also unsure of the massive gap at the end, resulting in “here→”
Ultimately, the plot is interesting. I like what you’ve got so far. It’s reminiscent of both Dead Space and The SCP Foundation. I’d like to see the technical issues fixed, and perhaps a little more relatability / believability in the characters and dialogue.
I think you’ve got a cool idea here, and I look forward to seeing the polished product!