Ellie Killer[]
Hi, I,m Marry, I usto love Spright Fright, but watching thins lost short, I am no longer a fan of it now. I was getting mail one day when I saw a package. On it was a note, that said:
"Dear Marry,
If you're reading this, that means I'm in danger. Destroy the disc, then she will stop trying to kill me, but whatever you do, do not watch it. She will lose interest for me and will come after you. It might be too late for me now.
from your loving friend, Loraly"
I then opened the package and inside was a disc in a case, the disc read:
"Spright Fright: Ellie Killer"
I was going to destroy it but curiosity got the best of me so I played it and everything was the same except Ellie is nowhere to be found. So I thought the person that made it must have just forgot to add Ellie, but it took a dark tern. When it was night before the teen's went to sleep, there was tiny screams. So they looked and there, in the dark, stood a silhouette of a person, and it was Ellie but she was holding the corps of the Elder Spright, then she trend to the group and reveals her dark eye's with a red pupel, and hear eyes were bleeding blood. She then said:
"Your next"
Then the whole group was shocked in fear then Rex yeled:
"Run!"
Then Ellie then laughed and said:
"Trust me, you can't run from me."
She then used a pinecone to force feed it to Phil that he died, then she grabbed Jay by the collar of his jacket and drowned him to death. Then she said:
"I can end the last two like killing two birds with one stone."
When Victoria and Rex got back to the log and tried to escape, Ellie was at the other end and was pushing it off the cliff, then the the couple tried to get off of the log, but Ellie was counting down"
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...."
Then the log fell to the ground and they died. Then she looked at the viewer and said:
"Your next"
I was terrified and I tried to exert the disc, but it wouldn't come out. Then I heard a knock on the front door, I answered it and it was Ellie, the Ellie with the murderess grin. She said:
"You somend me but don't worry, I'll make sure that your death is painless."
I ran to my room and barged the door s with things I have, then I snuck out the window well she was pounding on my door laughing.
I now am safe because I was able to sell the disc on Ebay, I don't know what happened to it or to the customer, but I know one thing. I'm done with Spright Fright.
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Tewahway (Talk) 15:34, 13 January 2023 (UTC)[]
Howdy there Doc. I'm here to provide you with some feedback on your story.
Right off the bat, there are many significant issues with spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I'd highly suggest you write everything in a word processor such as Microsoft Word, Google Docs, or Open Office, before posting them here. Those programs all have built in SPaG (Spelling Punctuation and Grammar) checkers that will highlight issues, and provide solutions. They aren't foolproof, but the more you see the issues and the provided solutions, the more you can learn about mistakes you frequently make.
Our site has a quality standards rule, which means works that suffer from SPaG issues are liable to be removed immediately. This rule is not the same for the workshop, of course.
Additionally, you can not write stories that are based off of existing TV shows, games, movies, or any form of media, without going through the site's spinoff appeal. Therefore, we cannot accept a story based on Sprite Fright.
Moving beyond the site's rules, there are frequent issues with clichés. What makes a good story is originality and execution. Relying on clichés such as: bloodshot/bleeding eyes/dark eyes, haunted DvD/tapes, the bad guy in the film addressing the viewer, the "Your next" line, etc. While clichés can be utilized effectively, it's very difficult to do so, and I would suggest avoiding them entirely. Don't try to make your story seem like every other story out there, make it stand out. Look within yourself and discover what you find scary, not what the internet has told you is scary, and use that.
I'd like to tell you what I liked / enjoyed about your story now, but there's really not a lot here beyond the typical and boring clichés, largely due to how short this is.
I don't want you to be disheartened though, just try your best to focus on bettering your linguistic skills (spelling, punctuation, grammar, and vocabulary) primarily. Everything else that is plot related can easily be learned and tweaked. For now, I'll end off saying that this piece can not be posted to the wiki, and even if brought up to the site's quality standards, still would be deleted (due to being a spinoff).
Don't give up, and have a good day!