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Finding Her[]


Klyde was desperate to get his wife back. She was lost, kidnapped, the week before. He missed her and he was willing to do anything to get her back. So that’s what he did. He traced clues, asked questions, and even checked for updates on their search. But even after weeks there was no luck. He was slowly slipping into a deep depression, eventually consuming him and affecting his daily routine by taking away his motivation to do anything.

5 weeks after her kidnapping he got a lead. Someone, somehow, might have found her. He got an anonymous call saying that they might know where his wife is. He was ecstatic, asking if they were sure and where she was. The person told him in a little house in a forest 5 miles away. He quickly packed his stuff and rushed off to where, whoever that man, said she was.

He found the house. It wasn’t very much a “house” per say, more like a slightly large shed. But was she there? Yes, she was. She was across the room from the entrance. She was sat against the wall and she looked like she was starving and out of energy. He carried her to the car, took her to the hospital to get medical help, and only after 3 days, they were back together. His deep depression seemed to disappear. He was the happiest he has ever been, happier than what seemed like every human to ever exist. As he laid his head in her lap, she held him for what seemed like eternity. But, that’s because it was.

This all wasn’t true. It just a projection of his dream in the after life. He did find her, that’s the truth, but not in the condition he really saw. She was dead, sitting in a corner, with her own pool of blood all around her. He couldn’t bear the pain, so he took the gun he was hiding in his glove compartment, pointed to his head and shed one last tear, and pulled the trigger.

What he saw in his dream was the one thing he really wanted. He wanted to be happy with her for at least one more time. So his memories were wiped. Ones that didn’t involve his wife. The happiest moments of his life stayed with him, and he thought of his happiest moment, that played in a loop in the afterlife, never changing.




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Anonymous437 (talk) 03:50, 14 January 2023 (UTC)[]

This is a good shortpasta, but there are a few things I think you should fix.

1. This has a lot of shortened sentences which are really annoying, honestly. I would recommend making longer sentences. For example, you could turn "Klyde was desperate. Desperate to get his wife back." into "Klyde was desperate to get his wife back."

2.This is minor, but where did Klyde find his wife? Which part of the house? Add a bit of context.

3.Comas are misused. I suggest you read it out loud (breathing at every coma) and seeing how it sounds.

4.Continuing the coma overuse, you get the opposite problem near the end of the story. That is, you start using run-on sentences. As I stated two lines ago, I suggest you read it aloud to see how it sounds or have someone (a friend or family member) read it.

Don't take my critique personally, I am just giving you ways to improve. To wrap things up, continue writing and improving, and we may see this on here very soon!

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