Is This Enough?[]
I appear to be stuck in a time loop.
I will admit that it could be worse. I used to be ashamed of asking my family about their hobbies because it would reveal how little I really know about them. Thanks to this time loop, I feel free to ask them questions without feeling ashamed.
I love seeing the joy and surprise on their faces when I buy things for them. It feels so good to know these are things they actually wanted. I sometimes wish I could pay for shipping, but I'm lucky because my family usually wants things I can drive to.
I love bonding with my brother over anime or my mother over chess, figuring out which things they like and don't like. It makes me cry to think that I could have done this stuff for them for more than two decades, and it took me being stuck in a time loop to get the courage.
Maybe one day it will get boring. I'll know everything about my family that I want to know, and it won't feel like I'm interrupting something whenever I talk to them. I'm not sure about the last part, because I think I've learned a fair bit about them, and I still feel empty enough every night to fill my head with lead.
The only thing I know about the time loop is that I die and then wake up.
The first time, it was for a few reasons. In the morning, my brother implied I was a loser who couldn't do anything and had no life. In the afternoon, my mother yelled at me because I had bad grades and I didn't do anything around the house. After hearing that, my brother had the gall to try and give me a motivational speech which consisted of telling me all of the things I "could do" in the future. I wanted to scream that any breathing person "could do" those things, but I decided to stay calm, drive to the town limits, and shoot myself as many times as possible.
I guess I could be mad at them, but I couldn't have done any better in their position. They just wanted the best for me, and they're not the ones who killed me. It was my fault, and I'm lucky that I was granted a gift in return.
I've never tried to go to sleep, because I’m too afraid that the time loop will end. I know that I can go multiple consecutive days without sleeping, kill myself, and wake up on the first day. A better person would probably do good with this superpower, but all I can think to do is connect with my family.
I asked my mother and brother, as a hypothetical, what kind of person this makes me. My brother told me to shut up and my mother told me not to talk about death.
Maybe I do blame them, just a little bit, but it's not like they talk like this all the time. I don't know how to logically explain that they love me, but I still think they do. Is that enough?
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Squidmanescape (talk) 21:09, 6 October 2023 (UTC)[]
I'm going to be frank, because we know each other. This is not a good horror story.
When I last read this with fresh eyes, I believed it could be turned into one. But it took me a few minutes to realize that's not the point, and you know it.
I don't think the story is bad. I know how much it affected you when you wrote it. You burst into tears, didn't you? You should write it somewhere else instead of trying to mangle it to fit a horror theme. Maybe you should write it in some hidden corner of your website, and ask only specific people to read it.
That is all. Peace, old friend.
Squidmanescape (talk) 21:09, 6 October 2023 (UTC)