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Its normal, im fine.[]

August 26th, 2015.

My friends and i are HUGE true crime fans, following along with big, small, popular and small time cases. Even solving them along with the police as we gathered more public information. for only being in our late teens, preparing for college in about a year. we were good.Our 1st suspect typically being the perpetrator, however, there was a set of cases that we couldn't figure out, nor the police. there had been all over the news, a series of murders. nothing too out of the ordinary for us, however, the ¨clues¨ made little to no sense. whoever this killer was, they were good. making sure to leave no tracks behind whats so ever. the police couldn't find anything which made this case impossible to solve - no clues. While this would've driven most people mad, it fueled my motivation. every night - i´d deep dive into them, staying inside most days just to find some leads or something. nothing.

Although each time i hit a wall, my motivation would rise. Living off monster energy cans and maruchuan ramen packets, not ideal but when your sitting in your room for 16 hours a day as a broke high school student. its better than nothing.

By this point, it had been 6 months since the first case, i had gotten just a little bit of information. Not enough to hold a case, so i decided to do some snooping for suspects. One name kept popping up - c. A young boy who had murdered his bullies after they had attacked him and his brother on multiple occasions. He had some distinct features,but some stood out to me most. A Burned white skin and a crazy cut smile into his skin and the fact that he had ran away into some nearby woods after he had killed the boys. ¨Thats so interesting...¨ is all i could say when i found new information on him. So you can imagine my surprise when i looked up his photo on google. Before his attack photos where what mostly came up, he seemed like someone id be friends with, so what was the motivation? what started with Jefferey that ended with his victims? What connections did they have? it was clear the police were missing something. but what? As i continued looking at photos of him and there was a person who had solved my question on ¨what did he look like now?¨ and one artist had created a picture of what she thinks he looked like. it was as if our minds aligned, he had his pale burned white skin, joker-like smile and black hair with an outfit that looked like it came straight from 2007. White hoodie, black dress pants and converse. It was like how i imagined him,and based on the picture. I estimated he was around 5´4 or so, not so tall, but not so short. I continued looking through articles of him, only to find out he was 13. (or so reports say.) He seemed young, but it was a plausible excuse for a suspect. I knew i found him. So i compile all of my findings, theres still something missing though. God this case was driving me insane.

January 31st, 2016. it had been 4 months since my initial investigation, i hadn't been outside for 2 of those months, taking classes online. My friends are getting worried, but they dont get it. They think im driving myself insane. but ¨it's normal, im fine¨. is what i tell them every time they ask or express their concerns. I love them, but im tired of them calling and telling me ¨Maria, this is driving you insane. Please, take a break, for your own well-being.¨ or ¨Rose, your crazy. this is NOT fine. This Hodek person isnt the culprit, let it rest.¨ I hated it, so after a while i stopped picking up and they stopped trying. but they were wrong about one thing. i wasnt crazy. i was obsessed. I was so obsessed over him and his case. it was driving me mad. it was like an adrenaline rush. i craved it. Now, with this case. i wasnt so sure i wanted it to be solved. I dont think i could bare to do anything else. this case was my life. it was everything, no matter how much this was causing me. i wasnt letting this die down. i was so invested, i started to think like him. hell, i wanted to be him. i wanted to be him just to experience what it felt like to have that same feeling. that same rush of adrenaline.

March 17th, 2016. I did it. less than 2 months ago, i said how i wanted to feel the same rush He did. how Jeff felt when he killed those kids. Well, i did it. i killed my parents. their dead. God...I´ve never felt so...Alive. it felt so good. So good, i did it again. I killed my friends. Now maybe Jeffery will see how much inspiration he gave me. I hope he notices me.

February 5th, 2016. My mom came into my room, i forgot i had her. The first thing she said to me was ¨Maria Ximena Rose. You need to leave this fucking room and get over your boy craze. Its disgusting in here.¨ Those were the first words my mother had said to me. For some reason, it pissed me off. but i waited to hear what she had to say. i wanted to know why she was so disgusted by me. did she hate me? ¨What are you talking abo-¨ i could barely finish my sentence before she snapped at me. ¨YOUR DRIVING EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE CRAZY! WE BARELY SEE YOU ANYMORE! LEAVE THIS FUCKING ROOM GODDAMMIT!¨ she screamed at the top of her lungs. i didn't flinch, i was filled with rage. she used to yell at me for being to annoying, but now here she is, yelling at me. saying how much shes worrying for me. i wasn't falling for it this time. so while she was screaming at me, i stood up and walked out. it was just us here at the moment. perfect. thats all i needed. my mom was following me, still yelling at me, but the only thoughts running through my head were ¨I hope i make you proud, Jeff.¨ as i walked into the kitchen. She was still behind me. yelling. this was the perfect opportunity. As she continued her rant, blinded by her own anger. i grabbed a big kitchen knife, pulling it out and facing my mom. in the middle of her fury, she turned around. this was my chance! so without hesitation, i took the knife and stabbed her in the neck. once, then twice, three times, four times. then, the screams died out and she fell to the ground. her blood spilling out like water in a glass that had just been knocked over. I looked down to see the blood on my red zip-up and now ruined white tank top, hello kitty's cherry pink filled face now blood covered, my black baggy jorts now covered in patches of red that had ran down my legs onto my white socks and hello kitty slippers. It took a minute for it to register that my mother was dead, but that was nothing compared to the rush i felt. instead of crying out, i laughed. i grabbed my face and couldn't hold in my laughter. i was dying. that was until i saw the familiar head lights of my fathers car, instead of freaking out. i was excited, i felt that same rush hit me, i grabbed the knife and hid by the door,waiting for him to come in.

when he comes in through the door, i stab his stomach, he doesn't even have time to scream as i stab him once, then twice then a third time as i pull the knife out, then in. over and over and over again. it was so satisfying seeing the blood pour out onto the floor, his body then following. more blood covered my clothes, some on my face and dripping into the ends of my hair, falling to the floor. again, that crazed laughter came out of me. i couldn't help it, it came out of me. after a solid minute, i walked over to the sink and cleaned my knife off before heading back to my room upstairs. leaving the bodies in the living room and and kitchen, their fine there.

March 1st, 2016. After killing my parents a month ago, ive been craving that same feeling. it was an addiction. Now i understood jeff, i know why he did it. oh to meet him. he was my idol.

So in order to feel that rush again, i invited my friends (or whoever i had left) out to go meet up at a local café, of course, a majority of them agreed. they hadnt seen me in months, so when we did, they were...shocked to see me to say the least, i was more pale than last time they saw me and there were red circles around my eyes from lack of sleep. but nonetheless, it was just like old times. i guess this is what i needed after all. that was until i felt this ringing in my ear, and suddenly all outside sounds were mere muffles. and i without moving my body on my own, i puled my friends to a nearby abandon building. the ringing only getting worse. when i pulled them in, i had no control of my bodily movements.i pulled out the kitchen knife in my pocket and pulled it out on them, the moment they saw it they backed up. running away. or trying at least. my legs were running all on their own at a pace faster than i can run, catching up to one and slighting her throat. i tried to stop it, but my body wouldn't let me. one dead. 2 more to go. another one down. last one - dead. when i was done, the outfit i had wore the night i killed my parents, covered in the same blood as them. only more. blood was in my hair, on my face, my clothes, my shoes. i couldn't help but laugh. Laughing as i walked home with the same speed. someone was controlling me. who?

i reach home,washing the blood covered clothes, showering at getting with my night. the bodies arent worth anything now.

March 18th, 2016. In the morning, i heard a knock. i walked over to my window and looked out to see who it was. it was the police. "dammit" then, that same ringing in my ear came in and i again had no control over my body. i walked downstairs, avoiding the windows and walking over to the stove. turning it on, it was a gas stove so it has fire. i threw in some stuff, making the fire burn as my parents rotting bodies laid next to my feet. the smell was unbearable, but they´ll be free soon. i walked over to the garage, grabbing car gasoline and dumping it in the house, the polices knocking growing more and more aggressive. i set the entire house, it was covered. i walked outside until the can ran out, the police barged in with swat and the fbi. the fire on the stove in mix with the flaming house. it wouldn't be long. my body moved inside with a highly flammable piece of clothe, dousing it in gasoline and putting the end of it in the stove fire, the police watched as they watched me run out of the house as i dropped the clothe. my families house caught fire within seconds, the police officers screams echoing out. i ran off into the the crisp morning air. leaving the scene of the crime. "i did it, Jeff. are you proud of me?" was the only thought in my head as i ran off. my body having full control.

"March 18th, 2016." "this is channel 7, this morning a minor:aged 17. had set her home ablaze, taking the lives of multiple police officers, swat teams and FBI agents. bodies are still be counted. currently theres a total of 16 bodies. this is one of the highest body counts of arson this year. please keep a look out for the young girl, Maria Ximena Rose. shes 5´4, 122Lbs, medium to long black hair, pale brown skin, dark eyes and was last seen wearing a plain red zip-up, white tank top, black jorts and red converse. Beware, the suspect may be armed. if you see her, please call your local police station or the number down below at 872-729-9274. again its 872-729-9274. this is Jennifer Lowenski, coming back to our regular broadcasting station."

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