KittySparkle93's Livestream[]
[𝙺𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚢𝚂𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚕𝚎𝟿𝟹] 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝙰 𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚂𝚃𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙼.
. . .
[𝚂𝙸𝚇𝙵𝙴𝙴𝚃_𝚃𝙾𝙾𝙳𝙴𝙴𝙿] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
[𝚒𝚊𝚖𝟸𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚕𝟺𝚞] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
SIXFEET_TOODEEP : ???
SIXFEET_TOODEEP : wtf
[𝙺𝚛𝚙𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚎𝚒𝚜] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
[𝚅𝚘𝚍𝚎𝚔] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
[𝚅𝚘𝚍𝚎𝚔] 𝙻𝙴𝙵𝚃.
In the live stream, a man, probably around his late 20s, focused on his other computer. He was in a dark room, his two computers being his only light source. He paid no attention to the users who were joining or leaving. The live stream was quiet; the only sounds being heard were the clicking of his keyboard as he typed away.
Finally, he opened a soda can and looked directly at the camera.
"Y'all thought I was some 'uwu kawaii e-girl' huh? Heh, get cat-fished, dumbasses." He laughed before he took a sip of his Dr Pepper. "You guys are all pathetic."
[𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜𝟺𝚂𝚘𝚙𝚑𝚒𝚊] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
Hearts4Sophia : wait huh
[𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚗] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
[𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚕] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
[𝚇𝚡𝙻𝚒𝚕_𝙸𝚌𝚢𝚡𝚇] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
"Look at all these horny men joining." KittySparkle93 skimmed the screen. "Sorry to break it to you, fellas, but I'm not an e-girl."
Iam2cool4u : bro...
SIXFEET_TOODEEP : ur weird asf man change ur user
He reads the comments with a smile plastered on his face, "Don't tell me to change my damn user because you were caught in 4k. You're fucking weird for watching e-girl streams." He took another sip of the Dr Pepper.
"Plus, I gotta wait a year to be able to change my user. I don't know why that's even a rule, but yeah, too bad."
XxLil_IcyxX : nah...
Personavion : bro cat-fished us
[𝙱𝚒𝚐𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚎𝟷𝟸𝟹] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
Krpliseis : Honestly I only joined to troll around but I was not expecting you to be on screen
"Yeah, yeah, that's what they all say...Krisplies? Kirplilis? Uh, whatever your name is. You're probably just as guilty." KittySparkle93 stretched his arms. "I'm so tired. It's like 3 AM over here."
Wariel : Then go to bed
Iam2cool4u : go to sleep brah
Kitty shook his head, "Nuh-uh. Well, not yet at least. I want to finish this new game I recently bought." He picked up the CD and showed it to the camera. The game was viral in the gaming industry, so the viewers knew about it. Popular gamers were not close to completing the game; they needed to catch up due to the delay in the release.
"I'm on the last stage before I complete the whole game, but I found out a few minutes ago that it's a bit long. Thankfully, I came prepared." Kitty placed three cups of noodles on his desk. "Noooodles!"
New users continued to join the stream. Some left after expecting a girl with a girly setup, but most stayed after noticing the man's chaotic persona. Half of the users even invited their friends to watch the stream after discovering that the man was about to complete the game.
Personavion : good luck man i heard it's hard to complete
chiklittle492 : fav streamer hasn't finished it yet so ig I'll stay and watch
XxLil_IcyxX : imagine still buying game cds
XxLil_IcyxX : bro is ancient
"Man, shut the fuck up, Lil Icy!" Kitty yelled into the camera. "Are your balls little, too? Icy perhaps? God, calling me ancient as if you weren't looking for e-girls to jack off to."
[𝚇𝚡𝙻𝚒𝚕_𝙸𝚌𝚢𝚡𝚇] 𝙻𝙴𝙵𝚃.
"That's what I thought, pussy." KittySparkle93 inserted the CD into his other computer. "I'm going to share my screen in a minute. The game just needs to load.”
Kitty paused, his movements stilled by the sudden sound.
“Fucking hell…” He muttered under his breath, tension radiating from him. “Hold on, I need to check up on someone.”
Urgently, he left the room, leaving the viewers questioning his sudden change in demeanor.
losersyndrome : did someone break in or something
Theyyluv_kiahh : daddy come back :’(
Wariel : nahh bro is cooked
isrslyhatemybf : all of you are looking too into it, maybe he has a pet that knocked something over
A few minutes passed before Kitty returned, looking like a mess as if he was physically fighting with someone.
“Yo, I’m back.” He sighed, a look of disbelief on his face. “Sorry, my roommate is being a jerk again.”
chiklittle492 : what happened?
Personavion : you good?
Concerned users filled the stream chat, asking him if he had fought with his roommate, what the fight was about, and if he was okay.
“Calm your horses chat. We just had a small disagreement about…something.” He opens another can of Dr Pepper and chugs it.
[𝚇𝚡𝙻𝚒𝚕_𝙸𝚌𝚢𝚡𝚇] 𝙹𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙴𝙳.
“The game is still loading, so y’all can ask me questions.” He burped. “If you want.”
XxLil_IcyxX : missed me? ;)
"No." He gave the camera a serious look. "Next question."
Bigckle123 : why did you make your user KittySparkle93?
"I didn't. I accidentally left my computer open, and my roommate took advantage of that by changing my usernames on all my socials," he sighed angrily, "I was able to change all of them back except this account, but it doesn't matter anyway since this will be the first and last time I'm streaming on here."
chiklittle492 : whaaaaat nah bro keep streaming youre actually funny
Wariel : are you mad at your roommate?
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I don't have time to stream every day. I’m unemployed and need the time to look for jobs. Besides, I will not be a streamer as a last resort. My roommate has encouraged me to take on his profession, but I refuse to do something so inhumane like that.”
“For the second question, it’s complicated. Usually, I would say that I could never be mad at my roommate, but lately, he’s been acting deranged. He’s been fascinated with weird shit, and it’s been creeping me the hell out." He reaches across his desk and grabs a bag of chips, “I can’t confront him about it anyways since he pays me to keep my mouth shut.”
iam2cool4u : can we see your roommate?
"No, he’ll probably get mad at me. He’s pretty insecure about how he looks these days. Plus, he’s probably in the basement performing surgeries."
XxLil_IcyxX : the hell you mean surgeries??
Theyyluv_kiahh : notice me papi
olysoursa : if your roommate is a surgeon then why the hell is he performing surgeries in the basement??
He shrugged, “I wouldn’t call him a surgeon…he does body modifications, though. I’ve seen some of his work, and it’s the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t get as many customers anymore, so he’s been modifying himself.”
AwkwardlyChaotic : do you hear yourself rn
Born2Cry : isn’t that illegal?? HELLO??
He reads the user’s comment, “Don’t ask me. I don’t know myself, but I’m not trying to get on my roommate's bad side these days. He looks scary as hell.”
A beeping sound came from his other computer. "Looks like it all loaded up...hold on, I'm going to share my screen."
After a few seconds, he began to screenshare. The viewers could see the main menu of the game while still being able to see him through his webcam.
He faced the screen, "All good?"
Krpliseis : Yep
SIXFEET_TOODEEP : yeah i can see
"Alright, alright. Let's get into this," Kitty started the game, spawning at the checkpoint where he left off. "Okay, guys, all I need to do is defeat the boss, and then I'm done."
While explaining his last task, some viewers saw a giant hand slowly emerging from under the door behind him. Though his room was dark, they could still see the hand moving since its skin was light grey. It continued moving around as if trying to grab onto something.
The viewers were too stunned to say anything or thought it was a prank. Whatever their reactions were, it was still unsettling to watch. The hand's fingers were quite long, and the way it moved wasn't normal. Every time it moved, the fingers would crack, but the young man couldn't hear since he was wearing headphones at full volume.
All the users watching the live show waited for someone to inform the man about the strange entity, but nobody said a word until a brave soul stepped up.
XxLil_IcyxX : who's fucking hand is that
XxLil_IcyxX : unc look behind you
Kitty glanced at his comments before turning around to look at the door, but before he could catch a glimpse of the hand, the entity had already moved away.
"Icy, you're not funny. This is strike two out of three. If you act up again, I'm banning you from the stream. Seriously."
XxLil_IcyxX : aint no wayyyy
Populatics : no seriously there was a hand
Ascomoon : You need to get out of there
More comments began piling in. Either they were concerned for the man's safety or joking about the whole situation.
444_dylan : you need to hurry up and get off stream and run dude
The man scoffed, "Are you all this mad that I'm not an e-girl? Trying to scare me so I can get off stream is fucking pathetic."
"You know what, my roommate probably decided to mess with me. I'll talk to him in the morning about it. I need to finish this game."
Bigckle123 : damnnnn bro does your roommate have a skin condition? thats what i gotta know
Wetopos : It is not humanly possible for fingers to be longer than a #2 pencil.
He ignored all the comments and continued to play. Kitty set his mind on one thing: to complete the game and go to bed. He didn't have time for teenage boys and older men trying to scare him off. If he wanted to finish, he needed to focus.
While his eyes were glued to the screen, the door behind him began to creak open slowly, just enough for the creature to poke his head through.
It looked terrifying.
Its face was severely deformed and looked like sandpaper had rubbed it. Both of its eyelids were freshly cut off, and its jaw was dislocated, but that wasn't what terrified them all the most. The corners of its mouth were stitched to its cheekbones, creating a permanent smile.
The viewers watched as it began to breathe heavily. The noise it made was hoarse and dry. All the viewers kept trying to get Kitty's attention in the chat, but it was useless. No matter what they did, he would not look at the chat. Even when they sent him small donations, he still wouldn't look. Instead, he thanked them and glued his eyes to the screen.
𝚇𝚡𝙻𝚒𝚕_𝙸𝚌𝚢𝚡𝚇 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚘𝚏 $𝟷𝟶𝟶 ──
DUDE THERES SOMETHING BEHIND YOU ISTG IDK WHAT WTF IT IS YOU NEED TO LEAVE RN
Lil Icy’s message was voiced out text-to-speech. Thankfully, it had caught Kitty's attention, but not for the reasons the users expected.
Kitty had enough. "Third strike Icy. You. Are. Oooout."
He turned to his other computer to ban Icy but saw it on his webcam before he could.
"What the fuck...?"
The creature was right behind him.
It was practically breathing down his neck loudly. The drool dripped down from its mouth and landed on Kitty's shoulder. All Kitty could do was stare at the webcam, frozen in fear. He didn't know what to do, whether he should run for it or stay put. Either way, he felt like he was going to be killed at any moment.
“ĐØ ɎØɄ Ⱡł₭Ɇ ₥Ɏ ₦Ɇ₩ ⱠØØ₭?” Its voice was hoarse and screechy, making it difficult to decipher the sentence it spoke.
“Colton..?” Kitty’s throat tightened, “W-what did you do to yourself…”
The creature tilted its head at an abnormal angle, “₩Ⱨ₳₮ ĐØ ɎØɄ ₥Ɇ₳₦? ł ₵Ⱨ₳₦₲ɆĐ. ĐłĐ₦'₮ ɎØɄ ₩₳₦₮ ₥Ɇ ₮Ø ₴₥łⱠɆ ₥ØⱤɆ?”
Kitty couldn’t look at the monster his roommate made himself into, “I…I didn’t mean-”
“ɎØɄ ĐłĐ₦'₮ ₥Ɇ₳₦ ł₮? ₳ⱤɆ ɎØɄ ₮ⱤɎł₦₲ ₮Ø ₴₳Ɏ ₮Ⱨ₳₮ ł гР₮Ⱨł₴ ₳ⱠⱠ ₣ØⱤ ₦Ø₮Ⱨł₦₲?!” the creature shrieked as it grew more agitated.
XxLil_IcyxX : HOLY SHIT
FairyMary : this is clearly staged u guys! hope this helps!
adriannalimafan : LMAO
definitelynoteva : STOP I CANTTT THIS IS SO FAKE
YourDailyStranger : am i the only one terrified rn?
"Holy shit..." Kitty took a shaky breath as he slowly looked at the camera.
"I-I gotta end the stream you guys. Colton...I'm- I'm so sorr-"
[𝙺𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚢𝚂𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚕𝚎𝟿𝟹] 𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙴𝙳 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙴𝚂𝚃𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙼.
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Squidmanescape (talk) 20:22, 1 July 2024 (UTC)[]
In this story, stream quotes are used. I think you're better at using a stream chat in a story than some published authors. The excerpts weren't too long and they all meaningfully contributed to the story. The story before the creature shows up is set up well, but once the creature shows up, it's not clear what we are supposed to feel.
The main problem is the lack of elaboration in the story. Even though the creature is scary-looking, it's never actually explained why it's even dangerous. I unironically feel kind of bad for it because it seems to have been hurt in some way, but everyone is afraid of it. The streamer seems to know what it is, because he knows it will kill him if he runs, but the audience is never told why.
In general, the creature raises more questions than answers. Is the creature supposed to look like that? Did someone torture the creature and take out its eyes, resew its face, etc. - was the streamer the bad guy the whole time? Is it here because of the stream, or because of the roommate, or is it here for no reason? Why does the streamer know he will get killed? Will he get killed because of the creature or because of whatever took out the creature's eyes and sewed its mouth like that? Why did the streamer end the stream, and was that a good choice? I feel like the story would be better if it answered at least some of these questions.
There are a few grammatical issues. One of the main ones, which isn't really that distracting, is the fact that you often use commas instead of periods when switching between description and quotes even when the description is a full sentence. For example:
- KittySparkle93 skimmed the screen, "Sorry to break it to you fellas, but I'm not an e-girl."
- Kitty had enough, "Third strike Icy. You. Are. Oooout."
Normally, this is done when the descriptive sentence has to do with the creation of the quote. To be more precise, it's used when the verb is transitive and the object is the quote (said, shouted, typed, etc.). For example, these changed sentences could use commas:
- KittySparkle93 skimmed the screen and said, "Sorry to break it to you fellas, but I'm not an e-girl."
- Kitty had enough, shouting, "Third strike Icy. You. Are. Oooout."
I think that, instead, you should change the commas to periods:
- KittySparkle93 skimmed the screen. "Sorry to break it to you fellas, but I'm not an e-girl."
- Kitty had enough. "Third strike Icy. You. Are. Oooout."
There are other grammatical issues which are more important. I changed the commas to periods when necessary:
- the only
soundssound being heard was the clicking of his keyboard as he typed away. - Popular gamers were not close to completing the game.
they'reThey were far behind due to delay for the release. - man's and chaotic persona (I think there needs to be a word between "man's" and "and".)
- "Shit."
heHe took a shaky breath. "I gotta end the stream, sorry." - KittySparkle93 stretched
thishis arms. "I'm soo tired, it's like 3 AM over here." - He
readsread the comments with a smile plastered on his face.
There might be other errors. I suggest either reading the story out loud or using text-to-speech to read it.
Overall, I think the story would be improved if the stream went on longer and we understood why a tortured creature suddenly appeared on stream and why the guy felt like he was going to die when what seems like a very injured person showed up behind him. I hope my critique was helpful.
Squidmanescape (talk) 20:22, 1 July 2024 (UTC)
Thanks for the feedback![]
I know this was posted back in July, but I usually get huge writers block so I'm rarely on this Wiki. I decided to take your advice and added more to the story and fixed some of the writing mistakes (I hope I didn't miss any).
It was rather dumb of me to just make the creature show up with no explanation but I'm pretty sure I only did that to make the story sound spooky (which I failed at). Now there is background information of who the creature is and why their appearance is that way.
Let me know if I missed anything or if you want me to add to it!
Bloby1337 (talk) 19:48, 26 November 2024 (UTC)[]
Nice story with a really good setup. It's good, but I feel the only thing I don't like is that the setup and the ending don't really go together. Not that it comes out of nowhere, but if there was a better transition between the fake-kawaii element and the horrific body modifications, it would be perfect.
Thanks for the feedback![]
I knew there was something off about my story, but I didn't exactly know what so thank you for pointing that out! As of right now, I don't know how I can make improve the transition, but I'll figure something out eventually.
Thanks again!
AvgHoobastankFan (talk) 03:39, 22 January 2025 (UTC)[]
I know this is small nitpicking (compared to other reviews.) But I am a bit confused by him just blurting out ‘yeah he’s currently doing surgery in the feckin’ basement.’ Now, I’m much more used to books dragging it out for a surprise reveal (or the classic c.ai stuttering every word) and it just perplexed me a tiny bit. The biggest of bits, so to say. I had to reread a couple times out of confusion. I think the premise is amazing, as I am plain amazed there’s no twitch stuff on here. It’s the perfect thing for us fellows. I am deeply ashamed to say I thought of the smile dog when Colton came out (hurr hurr) I know this got off-track, and will probably have you taking this in a matter I don’t know the words for. But I support this!