Creepypasta Wiki
Advertisement
Forums: Index > Writers' Workshop > My "Imaginary Friend Stevie Funk"


My "Imaginary Friend Stevie Funk"

Friends, companions, partners, love interests, soulmates, call them whatever you want. There are many types of friends you would have, close friends, best friends, but what are the first friends you would always have in your life? Yeah, imaginary friends, friends powered by your very own head, a person who is always there for only you and keeps you comfortable during your childhood. Although, what if I say that imaginary friends aren't very imaginary? Instead, what if they just some strange beings that came into your life and lied to you that they're your imaginary friends? Well, I learned this after an experience I have in my lifetime.

My name is Max Wilson, and the day when I was still just a six-year-old kid, I am hyped with many things, I wanted to learn many things, I wanted to experience a lot of things that life has, although I was bullied by the other kids back at that day. It all ends until I met "him." Yeah, one day, when I was sitting with my friend Jones and Emma, we discussed what exciting activities we must intend after school back at Emma's house when suddenly I noticed a strange guy walking towards my lunch table.

When I looked up, I was surprised and baffled. I saw a strange man that is very tall. He wears outward clothing consisting of a brightly colored shirt, a multicolored hoodie, dark grey trousers, and a pair of rectangle shades with a purple glowing spiral on the left side and a bioluminescent pupil on the right. His appearance somewhat looks identical to street rappers of the early-1900s. However, his face looks like a mask, he doesn't have ears, hair, nose, or any detail that makes him look human, but I can tell that he has eyes and a wide jagged mouth.

I asked him what his name is. He kindly replied that his name is "Stevie Funky, children's number #1 imaginary friend," from first, I felt a bit disturbing, but later I started to take a liking to him. Stevie seemingly always chit-chat around with me. My friends and I very much enjoy having fun activities with Stevie. We watched him play with reality, toy around with space and time, even reshuffle the whole surroundings into a new reality. He gave us many joyful accessories, candies, balloons, skateboards, even some unseen toys.

Until one day, Jones asked Stevie where does he come from. Stevie gave us a bright smile and threw out a hint.

"Where I come from is the answer to the curiosity "what if everything here is just the work of a group of authors?" It is and is its category. It is not space, not a location, ..., not anything, not nothing. But to call it something is a must; otherwise, we cannot refer to it except by name. So let's say it is a thing. As it will become apparent later below, and it is extremely complex."

None of us could figure out what does he mean by that. His riddle is tricky. Whenever we asked Stevie something personal about him, he always gave us puzzles that even adults can't solve. Yeah, we ask many grown-ups to solve this, but none could figure out the answer regardless of which. When we asked him what can he do, he replied that he could rewind anything, free from any boundaries, even from destiny, exist outside everything, know anything and everything, take any forms he desires, surpass and ignore everything, able to cause anything to happen or not happen, flawlessly indestructible, can quickly adapt to absolutely any situation, automatically gaining the necessary attributes to face them, has all kinds of so-called "psionic powers" on the level of absolute "that can affect the entire outer-verse," he can't die because he doesn't have a soul. Even if he were to be obliterated into sub-atomic level, he will just come back to life and "shake the damage off like it was nothing."

We all have fun together for over the years, well, that was till the day we turned nine years old.

"Shake it, baby!" yelled Stevie, Emma, Jones, and I are practicing for a dance performance that we signed up for, which we asked Stevie to teach us some dance moves that he knows. When suddenly good old bully Frank arrives with his friend, Johnny.

Frank and Johnny are two tyrants of our class, they always seek to bully Emma, Jones, and me, and they will use any opportunity they have to do so. Well, besides that, they seem to have irritated Stevie. Stevie isn't okay with them being here with us, and he always tries to ask us whether he should do something because he had many plans for them. But frankly, he can't because he's an imaginary friend, so we told Stevie to let it slide.

But yeah, we were wrong. When I returned home, Stevie saw that my face was all beaten up, Jone's clothes are all covered in dirt, and Emma was worried whether the two of us are all right.

Stevie asked us what happened. We told him it was because of Frank, and Johnny wanted us to lend them some lunch money, but I refused to give him and said that I had enough of his bullying. Frank went outrageous and beat me up. Jones and Emma intervened but only made it worse as the tyrants provoked the two as well.

Stevie once again asked us to let him deal with the two tyrants, and then, I just said randomly yes, and so, he went off.

The next day, Frank and Johnny are absent, and we never saw Stevie that day, but the class isn't curious why Frank and Johnny are absent.

When we all arrived in class, we saw two new students, their names are Daniel and Mike, and they are sitting in the seats of the two tyrants.

I was curious and asked the teacher where are Frank and Johnny. The teacher replied, "Who are Frank and Johnny?" she asked.

I was shocked, the teacher, Ms. Wendel, doesn't remember Frank and Johnny, how is that possible? Many students in our grades know Frank and Johnny, so how could the teacher not know who they are.

I later stop by Frank and Johnny's house asking their parents where exactly are they. The parents, however, replied in a sad tone, saying that Frank and Johnny died due to a truck crash on April 25th of 2007.

Are my eyes wide opened, April 25th of 2007?! How is that possible? That would be like two months ago. What's going on?

But I stopped when I remember that I have let Stevie do something with them. I decided to ask Stevie what he has done with the two of the bullies in our school. I went back to my house and found that he is sitting on the couch waiting for me.

"Hey there, I guess you have many questions to asked what did I do to them. First, you need to learn the truth. I'm not the real Stevie, yah see. The real Stevie packed up and left this place after the day he dealt with the bullies. I'm just a rad hologram he created to leave back one final message," said the hologram.

I walked forward and listened to what he said.

"I can tell that the first question your having is what exactly did I do to Frank and Johnny, well, to give out a clear explanation. Other than those past things you've heard, I can also create, alter, and control the origin of absolutely and completely everything. As nothing exists without origin, you see. I've altered a certain past timeline of this universe that is connected to this very own timeline your standing, where I, myself, killed those kids by giving them a friendly game of truck crash on the road. I mean, you did give me permissions to do what I have to do, and...GOSH! You should've seen their spines burst out of nowhere, but I turned those into sprinkles," said Stevie.

I shrugged. Knowing that it was me who is responsible for those two's deaths, I continue to listen.

"Now, for the second question, what am I? Long story short, I'm not an imaginary friend. I'm an entity given birth to a place that I've thrown a riddled to yah a few years early. This place is devoid of creation to beings like you or other cosmic entities, but for me, it isn't. Beings like me can comprehend its overwhelming force. I first came here is because I felt interested in what inhabits a universe. And frankly, it wasn't so bad. I'll be sticking around in the city for now and try to feast upon some rumored unordinary beings like me but not me and serial killers that I found interested as my meals," said Stevie.

He kneels and faces me.

"Although it was fun having to spend my time with you over the past days, yah truly show me what a real friend is, and hey! It's all right, Frank and Johnny's death wasn't your fault. It was me who decided to kill them," said Stevie as the entity gave me one last bright smile.

I felt much better now. I hope Stevie would learn more about the world.


Leave Feedback

Close the space between the four tildes in the box and hit the "Leave Feedback" button to begin your comment.


Empy's Feedback

As you asked for feedback, I'm going to base it off of what I wrote on your wall: There were widespread issues with awkward wording, spelling, redundancies, and plot (mainly concerning the story's pacing, plot holes, and descriptive elements) which resulted in your story being deleted for not meeting our quality standards. Here's a breakdown of those issues.

Awkward wording: Here are a few examples of clunky wording/words missing from sentences. "My name is Max Wilson, and the day when I was still just a six-year-old kid, I am hyped with many things, I wanted to learn many things, I wanted to experience a lot of things that life (redundancies) has, although I was bullied by the other kids back at that day (sic).", "Yeah, one day, when I was sitting with my friend Jones and Emma, we discussed what exciting activities we must intend (sic) after school back at Emma's house when suddenly I noticed a strange guy walking towards my lunch table.", "He kindly replied that his name is "Stevie Funky, children's number #1 imaginary friend," from first, I felt a bit disturbing (sic), but later I started to take a liking to him.", "The teacher replied, "Who are Frank and Johnny?" she asked.(two dialogue tags are not necessary)", etc. I usually suggest reading your story aloud to yourself and looking for areas that you stumble over while reading or sound awkward to catch these types of errors, but since English isn't your first language, I think having someone else who might have a better grasp might be more beneficial for catching these types of errors.

Spelling: "Stevie saw that my face was all beaten up, Jone's (Jones') clothes are all covered in dirt", "Frank went outrageous (became outraged?) and beat me up.", "Instead, what if they (words missing) just some strange beings that came into your life and lied to you that they're your imaginary friends?", etc.

Tense swapping: You frequently shift from past tense to present and back. As your story is being told as an event that occurred in the past, the wording needs to reflect that. "I decided (past tense) to ask Stevie what he has done with the two of the bullies in our school. I went (paste tense) back to my house and found that he is (present) sitting on the couch waiting for me.", "He kneels (present tense) and faces (present tense) me.", etc.

Redundancies: "There are many types of friends you would have, close friends, best friends, but what are the first friends you would always have in your life? Yeah, imaginary friends, friends powered by your very own head, a person who is always there for only you and keeps you comfortable during your childhood." Avoid repeating the same word multiple times in the same sentence or in rapid succession. In those two sentences for example, you use the word friend six separate times.

Run-on sentences: "When we asked him what can he do, he replied that he could rewind anything, free from any boundaries, even from destiny, exist outside everything, know anything and everything, take any forms he desires, surpass and ignore everything, able to cause anything to happen or not happen, flawlessly indestructible, can quickly adapt to absolutely any situation, automatically gaining the necessary attributes to face them, has all kinds of so-called "psionic powers" on the level of absolute "that can affect the entire outer-verse," he can't die because he doesn't have a soul.", etc.

Pacing: The story could use quite a bit of work as the protagonist's talk with the imaginary friend (hologram) is set up as the conclusion to the story and it ends relatively abruptly. The hologram absolves the protagonist of any guilt and the story ends. Not only does this cut the story short, but it also blunts any horror the story originally had. The protagonist's non-reaction to everything ends up weakening the overall premise to the horror.

Plot holes: "I was shocked, the teacher, Ms. Wendel, doesn't remember Frank and Johnny, how is that possible? Many students in our grades know Frank and Johnny, so how could the teacher not know who they are." Why exactly does the teacher not recall these two students when literally everyone else does. How does it work into the story? If the two bullies died in a traffic accident months ago, how come no one else in the school is talking about it? For example, a student in my class passed away when I was in elementary school. There were multiple talks between teachers, students, and parents to their children about it. The sudden death of two people is not something that would go over-looked/unheard for multiple months.

Descriptive elements: Your story has a tendency to tell the audience rather than show them. The list of Stevie's powers feels out-of-place and thrown together. Lines like: "His appearance somewhat looks identical to street rappers of the early-1900s. However, his face looks like a mask, he doesn't have ears, hair, nose, or any detail that makes him look human, but I can tell that he has eyes and a wide jagged mouth." doesn't do a great job painting an image as the details are conflicting. He looks like a rapper, but also doesn't have ears, hair, a nose, or other details that make him look human.

Finally, the story itself needs quite a bit of revision as it doesn't really build to any horror and the ending feels abrupt and incomplete. Stevie explains he murdered two kids and the protagonist barely reacts to it. This ends up detracting from the horror itself. There are other issues, but I think this is a good starting point for revising your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:35, 5 May 2021 (UTC)

Advertisement