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Ocrams Anger[]

I’m your usual young 13 year old kid with severe ADHD & mild autism, kind of rowdy, loud, and in the seventh grade. I have loved terraria since I was 7, even though it is a T Rated game, due to blood n’ gore. I played on the mobile version, as either A. The Console to play terraria on was too expensive, Or B. The cartridge itself was too expensive. Mind you, my parents aren’t that rich.

The mobile version was in an outdated version of the game at the time (1.2 version), But i didn’t give a crap. You say outdated, I say MIRACLE. I managed to beat the game very, very easily, as I didn’t have a skill issue.

My favorite boss HAD to be Ocram, who had terrible drops, but his fight was so fun! He was an exclusive boss to mobile, 3ds, and old gen consoles at the time. However, soon mobile got an update, removing the exclusives and adding 1.3 content. I almost cried when my Ocram gear was replaced by… Ugh… Chlorophyte. That has always been my least favorite ore.

However, I soon got up, and proceeded to continue my journey in the game. I just never can ignore big updates to my favorite games, and I always try to look for good at some bad times! Update to Update, bringing more and more content, Empress of Light, Zenith, I could speak for hours. Soon I completely forgot about Ocram, something I’ll ALWAYS REGRET.

I was filled with glee once I heard about the 1.4.4 version coming to mobile, enough glee where I got on terraria every 12 minutes to see if the version changed. When it did update, I RAN STRAIGHT TO MY CHEST. It had materials to make new, better items. I saw my Celestial Sigil in there, even though I don't recall putting it there! I shrugged it off, and went to destroy the Moon lord with these new overpowered weapons.

When I used The sigil, a bit of text appeared in chat.. This wasn’t your usual “Impending Doom Approaches…” text, it said more of: “Do you remember me, ol’ pal?” This was VERY weird, so I mainly just thought “Oh it could just be a stupid easter egg added by the dumbass development team”. I was poorly mistaken. Ocram flew onto my screen, and said an extra thing in chat: “You shouldn’t have forgotten me. My life is hell as is. My damned creator abandoned me.”

A fight began. No matter what I did, he wouldn’t die. His health read 666,666,666,666. Not to mention his defense was most likely the same, all my attacks didn’t deal more than a single health point! Soon, I succumbed to his attacks, and died. Strangely, he didn’t fly off and despawn. Plus, IT WAS DAY. Ocram could only be fought at night! I respawned, he killed me again. Over and over.

Soon, I managed to live long enough to ask him why I deserve this. He all of a sudden.. Stopped attacking me.. And spoke once again, saying these words: “You. You and this stupid ass game’s development team. You have stripped me of everything. And than you replaced my greatness.. WITH SOME BROWN AND BLUE SPACE SQUID.”

Shocked and paranoid, I looked away for a second; as I heard an ambient noise. However, it was just my A.C. kicking up. When I looked back, my tablet had turned off, and wouldn’t turn back on, until I had tried charging it. Weird, last time I checked it was at 37%. I looked at the Celestial sigil for just a second, to see why it spawned Ocram.. I was shocked to see Ocram on it instead of Moon Lord.

A week later, I proceeded to give it to another player, and in return.. They gave me a Ninja mask, Renamed to “ethan2’s mask”, which ethan2 was the name of my first terraria character I played, before I lost him due to my tablet breaking. Ever since I got that mask, I’ve dreamt of being bitten by Ocram’s giant jaw, and woken up with bitemarks and bruises.

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Hey,I think that this is a very good story. I loved reading this and I'm not a very good writer, so I don't write pasta's I read them. And I usually can't find any good stories easily, I usually spend a lot of time finding random pages and after reading a little bit of the pasta finding myself wandering away from it, walking around taking a break from reading, talking to the people that are around me in real life. I think that this is a good story that prevents me from getting up, closing it out or even walking away. I'm not very good at grammar myself so I think that maybe some of the others that are good with grammar and do yeet off topic things into locked posts. Anyways this was a good one!

Vngel W (talk) 14:10, 4 November 2022 (UTC)[]

Hi CobaltNaginataGod,

So, one of the biggest issues with the story is that you assume the reader knows and understands the game, Terraria. A story should be self-contained, meaning a reader should be able to decipher everything from it alone without having to resort to an external source of information. When stories revolve around games, television shows, or reference a specific topic, it's a good idea to give a brief overview about it, so the reader has a frame of reference. For your story, something like this would work: "I loved the game, Terraria. It's a game similar to Minecraft except it's 2-D. Similar to Minecraft, you can do almost anything in a sandbox-like environment: explore, build, craft, fight. Players can opt to enjoy it in either single-player or multiplayer mode."

Also, as you tell your story, you want to give a brief summary of what's to be expected at every specific level or area. You have to remember: not everyone is going to be aware of the layout of the game. You want to keep your reader updated with "just enough information" that doesn't bog down the pacing, while also ensuring you don't have "too little" to lose comprehension or interest. Additionally, this serves as frame of reference when something supernatural occurs outside what is supposed to.

The second biggest issue with the story: Nothing happens. You play the game, you come across a boss with near unlimited health, it speaks vaguely to you, your console dies, there's a week time-skip, and you receive a new item in-game, which causes a nightmare. The end.

There isn't a story.

For all you know, the game was hacked, and another player could have been trolling you. Maybe you're a deep sleeper, and you can't tell when your cat is walking across you in the night. I don't know. Also, the titular character has little to no presence throughout the story, and with the lack any description of him, we as the readers have no idea of his appearance and why he should be considered a threat. There was no build-up, no foreshadowing. We don't even have a scope of how skilled you or your game character are while playing. There's too many questions, and even less answers.

Overall, I think story is vastly undercooked. In the case. before it even reaches the oven, you need to write out the recipe. You should sit down and flesh it out in a brainstorming session. Obviously, the basic premise is a rogue boss character, but there needs to be a more than just that to make this a story. All in all, what you have now, is a basic idea, at worse and a very loose outline, at best. Writing takes a lot of upfront work, but it does get easier the more you resort to this method.

Good luck, and don't get discouraged.

Macciata (talk) 01:51, 8 November 2022 (UTC)

I don't wish to dampen your spirit, but before putting any more time and effort into this story (or into "Eyeless"), you should be aware that the wiki has a standing ban on stories based on real video-game franchises, so even if very polished, these entries stand a high chance of being banned for content alone. Note that I didn't make this rule and have nothing to do with enforcing rules here, just giving you a heads-up on this.

If you want to continue with the general concept you have, the best approach would be to adapt it to refer to a fictional game of your own creation.

In regard to constructive criticism, in the sense of suggestions toward improved writing, I agree with Vngel W's points and recommend considering them seriously -- especially if you create a fictional game similar to, but not, Terraria, the reader will certainly need to know what it should look like and how the creepy version is different.

Moreover, I would suggest strongly that you take a careful look at the list of creepypasta cliches, and consider honestly how it applies to what you have here. Remember, this is not a court trial and your objective is not to assemble a defense brief for why each use of cliche should be disregarded; your goal is to rewrite your story so that it needs no such defense.

As a practice exercise, consider writing a very short story, or the rough outline of one, in which as many things from the cliche list as possible are completely reversed or severely changed. It doesn't matter if the resulting story is dumb or silly; what's important is the practice in imagining how to do common things differently. For instance, how would a story about a 'haunted' or 'cursed' video game be different if the main character can easily afford consoles and games, and finds the cartridge they're looking for new, in its sealed package, for a reasonable discount during a sale at a normal store? What if the game is different than remembered, but in a way that's much less sinister and foreboding than usual -- almost too friendly and charming?

In any case, don't be dissuaded from trying at all, just remember that as long as they're based directly on Terraria, this pair of entries is unlikely to survive on the wiki.