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Operation Underlord[]

June 6, 1944

That’s the day Allies invaded Normandy and took it from the Nazis. This was when the chancellor pushed for weapons manufacturing, soldier training, and science a lot more as he knew their reich might fall soon. The scientific experiments were priority number one as the whole German army thought it could turn the tide for their up-and-coming unfortunate demise. Many things like creating super soldiers or things like missiles and torpedoes have failed. But maybe their new experiment could help develop weapons or can help further increase weapon production.

A particle accelerator.

With Normandy no longer under their control, they knew they might lose. All hope wasn’t gone as they were working on it fiercely and restlessly. It’s been undergoing a year of development and has made significant progress. Though many, many failed attempts, recent developments have proven successful. Scientists thought a particle accelerator could lead to production of advanced weaponry, or even nuclear weapons.

Then the day the scientists called “the review” came. It was where a very high-ranking officer in the army would come and review and see the scientific developments of whatever was being worked on. This time, the particle accelerator was being reviewed.

July 12th, 1944.

This was the day that was labeled the “review day”. It wasn’t until around 7 pm that he walked through the doors of the gigantic science lab where the accelerator was being made.

“So, how is this little gadget of yours going?” The officer asked the head of the whole experiment.

“Pretty well, we’ve unfortunately had many failed prototypes, but we are confident about this one,” the scientist said with a thick English accent.

His name was Phry Leaver, he was born in England shortly before the First World War and was always fascinated by science. When Hitler rose to being a dominant public figure in Germany, he met with him to show experiments he worked on for so long, and he was fascinated and made him a lead scientist as his army grew. Right as his reign began, he abandoned his own country and lived in Germany where he continued his research on things like weapons and machines.

Phry showed the officer around and greeted him with some of the project leads. As they were doing that, the officer requested to see how the accelerator works.

The particle accelerator looked like a giant metal ring and took up 150 feet of the lab. It was hooked up to many other machines around it, most of them being generators and control consoles. “Gladly,” Phry told the officer. He led him to the main control council and turned on the intercom.

“All personnel currently in the PA lab, please evacuate immediately, code 3 is currently underway.”

Code 3 meant the particle accelerator was to be either turned on or tested. No one knew whether turning it on would be dangerous or not, but it certainly caused a lot of noise when it was on. Phry activated a few buttons and looked at the officer before pulling a lever. The particle accelerator proceeded to shake and make a noise that sounded like multiple aircraft going off. It emulated a bright yellow light before shutting off. Phry looked at the console confused about what was happening.

The officer asked, “Is it supposed to do that?”

“No, it… it has never done that before. It just shuts off like all the other prototypes.” Phry said, confused.

“So, it doesn’t work? We have so little time left and this is what you are showing me? A little toy?” The officer said angrily. He slammed his fists on the control console angrily which prompted it to activate again.

The control console emitted static and the particle accelerator turned on again, this time emulating a bright red light. It made the same plane-sounding noise it had before, but a lot louder.

All the scientists, even the officer, looked at it in awe. Suddenly, multiple large bolts of electricity came from the control panels, all striking the middle of the room. All the strikes created a blue ball of light in the middle of the room.

After a couple of seconds, everything stopped and the lights went out. Except for the particle accelerator. The lights on the rings flashing a red light. It was nearly completely dark and even the electricity and the blue ball of light were gone.

A dim light was seen where the ball of light was present. Standing there was what looked like a humanoid figure with disfigured body parts. It seemed to have looked up at Phry and the officer and backed up into the darkness. A security guard pulled out a handgun and a flashlight and walked down there. As he reached the middle of the room, both the dim light and the security guard's flashlight went out. The disturbing sound of silence is all they heard for a few seconds. Suddenly, a gunshot was heard followed by the screams of the security officer. After around 2 seconds, the scream turned into a gargled scream, sounding like he was choking on his blood.

The last 9 security guards went out to the room only for nothing but a few gunshots and screams to be heard. A security guard came limping to the room. One eyeball was gone, his throat and one of his legs seemed to be slashed, and there was a pipe-sized hole in his left shoulder. He collapsed to the ground and the light bulb in the room went out.

Both Phry and the officer backed up to the door trying to open it. The doors would not budge as the whole building was on lockdown mode. Phry backed up into a corner as he heard the choking screams of the officer.

He repeated to himself “It's going to be okay, it’s going to be okay.” It was too dark to see even a foot in front of him. He felt a wrinkly hand wrap around his throat for a couple of seconds then retract. He thought he was fine until the creature's hand went right through his body right where his stomach was. He heard nothing but the heavy breathing of the creature, and then it said “It's going to be okay” in what seemed to be his own voice for the last few seconds of his life.




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There are many grammar mistakes, I will edit it for you. I'm not an admin, so my revised version may get deleted. But I tried to help.[]

That’s the day invaded Normandy and took it from the Nazis. This was the time the chancellor pushed for weapon manufacturing, soldier training, and science. The scientific experiments were priority number one as the whole German army thought it could turn the tide for their up-and-coming unfortunate demise. Many things like creating super soldiers, or even gravity-altering machines, have failed. But maybe their new experiment could help develop weapons or can help further increase weapon production. A particle accelerator. With Normandy no longer under their control, they knew they might lose, but all hope wasn’t gone. They have been working on it fiercely and restlessly. It’s been undergoing a year of development and has made significant progress. Though many, many failed attempts, the recent developments have proven successful. No one truly knew why it was being developed, it just was to see what would happen. Questions always aroused, but none were ever answered. Then the day the scientists called “the review” came. It was where a very high-ranking officer in the army would come and review and see the scientific developments of whatever was being worked on. This time, it was the particle accelerator being reviewed. July 12th, 1944. That’s when the review day came. It wasn’t until around 7 pm that he walked through the doors of the gigantic science lab where the accelerator was being made. “So, how is this little gadget of yours going?” The officer asked the head of the whole experiment. “Pretty well, we’ve unfortunately had many failed prototypes, but we are confident about this one,” the scientist said with a thick English accent. His name was Phry Leaver, he was born in England shortly before the First World War and was always fascinated by science. When Hitler rose to being a dominant public figure in Germany, he met with him to show experiments he worked on for so long, and he was fascinated and made him a lead scientist as his army grew. Phry showed the officer around and greeted him with some of the projects leads. As they were doing that, the officer requested to see how the accelerator works. The particle accelerator looked like a giant metal ring and took up 150 feet of the lab. It was hooked up to many other machines around it, most of them being generators and control consoles. “Gladly,” Phry told the officer. He led him to the main control council and turned on the intercom. “All personnel currently in the PA lab, please evacuate immediately, code 3 is currently underway.” Code 3 meant the particle accelerator was to be either turned on or tested. No one knew whether turning it on would be dangerous or not, but it certainly caused a lot of noise when it was on. Phry activated a few buttons and looked at the officer before pulling a lever. The particle accelerator proceeded to shake and make a noise that sounded like multiple aircraft going off. It emulated a bright yellow light before shutting off. Phry looked at the console confused about what was happening. The officer asked, “Is it supposed to do that?” “No, it… it has never done that before. It just shut off like all the other prototypes.” Phry said, confused. “So, it doesn’t work? We have such little time left and this is what you show me? A little toy?” The officer said angrily. He picked up the chair he was sitting on and threw it at the control console with force. The control console emitted static and the particle accelerator turned on again, this time emulating a bright red light. It made the same plane-sounding noise it has before, but a lot louder. All the scientists, even the officer, looked at it in awe. Suddenly, multiple large bolts of electricity came from the control panels, all striking the middle of the room. All the strikes created a blue ball of light in the middle of the room. After a couple of seconds, everything stopped and the lights went out. It was completely dark and even the electricity and the blue ball of light were gone. Suddenly, a small dim light went over the middle of the room where the ball of light was. Standing there was what looked like to be a humanoid figure with disfigured body parts. It seemed to have looked up at Phry and the officer and backed up into the darkness. A security guard pulled out a handgun and a flashlight and walked down there. As he reached the middle of the room, both the dim light and the security guard's flashlight went out. Nothing was heard for a couple of seconds until a gunshot was heard and a scream was heard. After around 2 seconds, the scream turned into a gargled scream, sounding like he was choking on his blood. The last 9 security guards went out to the room only for nothing but a few gunshots and screams to be heard. A security guard came limping to the room. One eyeball was gone, his throat and one of his legs seemed to be slashed, and there was a pipe-sized hole in his left shoulder. He collapsed to the ground and the light bulb in the room went out. Both Phry and the officer backed up to the door trying to open it. The doors would not open, nor budge as it was heavy metal doors that opened automatically unless a lockdown was in place. Phry backed up into a corner as he heard the choking screams of the officer. He repeated to himself “It's going to be okay, it’s going to be okay.” It was too dark to see even a foot in front of him. He felt a wrinkly hand wrap around his throat for a couple of seconds then retract. He thought he was fine until the creature's hand went right through his body right where his stomach was. He heard nothing but the heavy breathing of the creature, and then it said “It's going to be alright” in what seemed to be his mother's voice for the last few seconds of his life.

Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 23:23, 23 February 2023 (UTC)[]

There's a decent premise here, but the problem is that I'm not convinced by how the scientific or historic aspects are executed. Once again, things aren't developed enough and the proper context isn't there.

What relevance does the title have, for example? Why is the project called "Operation Underlord", and why is it never mentioned in the story?

"This was when the chancellor pushed for weapons manufacturing, soldier training, and science." What does this sentence mean, exactly? D-day occurred nearly 5 years into WW2; I'm sure all of these things were being 'pushed for' already. 'Pushing for science' is also not specific enough.

"Many things like creating super soldiers, or even gravity-altering machines, have failed." How exactly would a gravity-altering machine help in a war effort? This verges on ridiculous and I'd suggest going with a more grounded, militaristic example.

About the particle accelerator: its presence in the story doesn't really feel appropriate. There's no detail whatsoever about how it could be weaponised - you even mention at one point that no-one knew why they were making it and it was "just to see what would happen". Maybe this could work if it was a purely scientific setting, but in Nazi Germany? That doesn't feel realistic at all. Why would they waste valuable time and resources on something they had no clue what to do with?

The part about "Phry Leaver" (bit of a weird name, but whatever) is also lacking detail. There should be some mention of him living in pre-war Germany or somehow defecting to Germany once the war began.

The officer throwing the chair at the console is just cartoonish, really. I highly doubt such a high-ranking official would behave in such a childish, emotional way. It'd be much more likely for Phry to do such a thing after being reprimanded.

I appreciate how the being repeating back Phry's words is supposed to be creepy, but the fact that it's his mother's voice feels kinda forced. It repeating back the words it hears in the way it hears them could be it trying to learn more about humans, assuming it's some extradimensional being; the mother's voice part just comes across as trying to make the story cheaply 'scary'. I would make it so that the words it says are Phry's actual words exactly, too.

Tense-swapping is an ongoing issue - there are several moments where you go from past to present and back to past again:

"With Normandy no longer under their control, they knew they might lose, but all hope wasn’t gone. They have been working on it fiercely and restlessly."

"Though many, many failed attempts, recent developments have proven successful. No one truly knew why it was being developed..."

"That’s when the review day came. It wasn’t until around 7 pm that he walked through the doors of the gigantic science lab where the accelerator was being made."

Some of the sentencing is kinda awkward, too:

"Suddenly, a small dim light went over the middle of the room where the ball of light was."

"Nothing was heard for a couple of seconds until a gunshot was heard and a scream was heard."

"The doors would not open, nor budge as it was heavy metal doors that opened automatically unless a lockdown was in place."

Also, while this is unrelated to the content of this specific post, I think you should focus on rewriting some of the stuff you've already written and attempted to post to the site rather than jumping to a new story so quickly. I know it's tempting; it's very typical for new writers on the site to interpret criticism as their story being no good and basically unsalvageable, and completely abandoning it as a result. This is detrimental to personal improvement, especially when so many of the basic concepts of your stories (and other people's) have been solid. That's not to say that you can't take what someone's said about one of your stories and apply to it another, mind you, but it might help to act on that criticism first in its original context.

Hope this helped.

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