Project Azure[]
<Project Azure Log I 5/22/25. Hello! This is Janet Starling, co-leader of Project Azure, a project where us marine biologists explore the depths of the sea! Started the submersible dive today. Goal is to reach 100m, then hopefully deeper down to discover some new creatures. -Jan <End of Log I>
Log II 5/22/25. {after mission failure} Didn't reach our goal, had to go back up to the surface. Cause: Glitch in the system. -Jan <End of Log II>
Log III 5/23/25. Reattempt. This time reached the goal of 100 meters. Not much that we can see. -Jan and Maria (BFF!) <End of Log III>
Log IV 5/24/25. We dove down deeper (approx. 200m) Heard strange noises as we dove down to our goal. Sounds eerily similar to a human. Now trying to figure out where the noise is coming from. Presumed Beluga Whale. They can produce alarmingly human-like speech. But then, Beluga are found in the Arctic, not California. -Mark <End of Log IV>
Log V 5/25/25. Listened carefully for the noise again. It happened twice more in a row. Each time it was louder. We are now thinking this (whale?) is looking for food, as they are typically found between 40-700 meters to find food. -Mark <End of Log V>
Log VI 5/26/25. Sounds kept on repeating. Phil Bryantt, an assistant, felt scared, so we resurfaced. Coward. -Maria <End of Log VI>
Log VII 5/28/25. I went alone back to the place of the noise. This time I amplified the noise. What I discovered frightened me. The audio sounded like "We eat human for food,"but greatly muffled I was greatly disturbed, and went back up immediately. We now believe this may not be a Beluga. after all -Jan <End of Log VII>
Log VIII
5/29/25. Okay, yeah. This is disturbing. Found a flipper with a foot attatched between some rocks at 30 meters. Police called.
(WIP)
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William See (talk) 03:59, 19 May 2024 (UTC)[]
I'm not sure how long you intend the finished story to be, but this feels like it moves pretty quickly, prioritizing log entry numbers over substance. It moves pretty linearly from "hey we're gonna do this thing" to "hey we did this thing" to "we found the thing we were looking for, we're going to shoot it because its being aggressive." There's not enough meat or variance in the descriptions - scientific inquiries tend to be pretty repetitive, with setbacks, questions, and processes that can be drastically different in conclusions as time moves on. Really, all scientific explorations require a strong hypothesis or question that motivates researchers.
Some questions to ask: what were the researches expecting to find specifically? "Creatures" is very vague, and it isn't exactly shocking that they do find one. Why would they shoot first, ask questions later? These are -presumably - scientists, they should not be armed if they're not necessarily expecting intelligent/hostile life. Why the extra log detail about that a box fell over? Its not really needed to detail a fake jumpscare unless it leads directly to some important plot point or other, relevant scare.
If you want to do multiple logs in one day, use time stamps (ex: Day X - [05h:25m:10s], and so on). There's no particular reason to have 4 back to back logs all detailing the same event without variance or development. And I don't consider "we heard a spooky voice" >> "voice said it wants to eat me" to be a major development - like I said, its expected from the very first log that these researchers are inviting ambiguous creatures to their perception.
And a final note, this might affect how the story goes but its slightly more subjective than the other things - 100 meters is not particularly deep for a submarine. Google says most subs descend to around 3-400m, and some can go a little deeper, up to 600. At 100, Id imagine the sub would be exploring coastal caves instead of diving blindly into the ocean. You can use that environment to better flesh out this creature that they stumble across. Definitely spend more time asking questions both inside and outside the story to better flesh out the world and character motivations, that way it doesn't come across as rushing to get to the end. Build up and tone is very important to stories like these. I hope this helps.
AvgHoobastankFan (talk) 04:37, 29 April 2025 (UTC)[]
Hello. I’ll keep mine simple, and I know I’m adding to one of the points the last guy made.
Make it longer. I know this is a draft, and this is a great premise. Add journal entries, like they did with the classic ‘Rake’ creepypasta. Add transcriptions of panicked audio recordings, anything to pad out the story.
Explain in detail. If people didn’t, Romeo and Juliet’s dialogue would only be a couple pages. Especially with the monster this is all based around. You said nothing other than that it was a humanoid and that it are humans.