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Reap What You Sow (Needs Feedback)[]

TW: Suicide, physical abuse, verbal abuse, mild profanity.

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Every high schooler knew who Danny Williams was. His reputation as a bully was undisputed in the small town of Dillford, and no one was safe from his wrath. Sure, he had a small clique, but he was not any friendlier with them, either. He had been held back in sophomore year for almost three years, and the school was considering letting him go to the next grade so no more staff members would get hurt. Even though Danny’s grades were well below the standards of the school, the teachers wouldn’t actually give Danny feedback on his work after what happened to Ms.Carter.

Danny’s life at home was not any better. He was constantly chastised by his parents for his low grades and poor behavior, but they did not do anything to stop it. Many years later, they would realize that the criticism they had given him was essentially a slap on the wrist compared to the punishment they should have given him. While he had gone to the juvenile detention center multiple times, his ways remained unchanged. But a greater force beyond mankind’s comprehension had decided it was time to take drastic measures.

On the twenty-first of August in 2007, Danny was coming home from another party when he noticed a package on his doorstep. An envelope was tied to it as well, so he read the information. It was addressed to him, so he went into his room and tossed it on his desk. He would deal with it in the morning.

The next morning, Danny’s parents were out early. His mother had to pick up some groceries, and his father had gone off on a business trip. Danny poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table. He quickly emptied his bowl and trudged back up to his room. He remembered the package from the night before and pulled out his rusty pocket knife. He nicked his finger and hissed a quick curse. Working a bit more carefully, Danny slid the dull blade along the tape on the box and the top of the envelope, which gave away with resistance. The browned, wrinkly piece of paper felt fragile, and Danny felt the unstoppable urge to handle it carefully. The faded ink on the letter was hard to read, but it said only one thing.


Danny snorted and moved on to the box. It was rather heavy, and the box was about a foot and a half long but flat. As Danny pried apart the flaps, he noticed that everything was packaged safely, almost as if there were fragile relics or dishes inside. Danny grabbed the one on top and ripped off the brown paper. A small, bright purple collar with a silverry bell laid in his palm. Danny was confused, but he then noticed a stitched scrawl on the side. Rusty, it said. Danny remembered a brown tabby kitten that went by the same name that Danny used to torment. The incident that caused the cat’s family to move away was that Danny was throwing rocks at the kitten. The little girl had seen him and screamed at him to stop. The parents came out and pulled Rusty away. They had screamed at Danny and his parents for almost half an hour, loud enough for everyone on the block to hear.

Snapped out of his flashback, Danny felt a sharp projectile hit his chest. At first, he thought he’d been stung, but there were no bugs in his room. Then Danny felt another sharp tap on his chest, and he looked down to see a grey, sharp chunk of gravel hit the floor. The projectiles started coming quicker, seeming to come from nowhere. Danny ran to his closet, and the gravel did not follow him inside. He waited until the pelting of rocks had slowed to a slow tapping, and he exited. Expecting to find piles upon piles of grey stone, his room looked completely empty.

Danny concluded that it was just a part of his flashback, and returned to the box. The next item Danny pulled out of the box was a pair of circle-rimmed glasses, the lenses shattered with a few shards still attached to the frames. Danny remembered that these belonged to a kid named David, who was considered a nerd in Danny’s book. David always got straight A’s and was introverted. Danny suddenly felt like he had been snapped out of a trance, and then he felt a sudden, harsh emotional pressure. Danny started shaking anxiously and heard all the negative thoughts people thought about him.

Worthless! Waste of space. Never good enough!

           Better off dead.                                           Killer!

Killer! Killer! Bully! Killer!

Danny froze. Killer? Who had he killed? He racked his brain for who he could have killed. Danny remembered that he had heard that David had hung himself a couple months ago. The suicide note confessed that David was tired of stressing of doing well in school and bullying. David hadn’t just been bullied by Danny, but other kids from different schools, too. Danny sobbed uncontrolably, the mental stress almost unbearable. It slowly faded, and Danny rose shakily.

Unknowing of the punishment that waited for him, Danny hesitantly grabbed the third package from the box. With trembling hands, Danny removed the brown paper from the item and stared, shocked at what he held in his hands. The first of two items was an empty hospital IV sack. The second item sent a shot of dread through Danny’s veins. It was a masonite clipboard with a page for a patient named “Dolores Turner.” Danny barely had time to read the rest of the paper before he heard a sharp pop and a white flash covered his room.

Where am I? This isn’t my room.

H e l l o.

Who are you?

W e a r e t h e E y e s O f T h e C o u n c i l.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?


W e h a v e s e e n y o u r s i n s.

What do you mean?

F a l s e i n n o c e n c e w i l l o n l y m a k e y o u r p u n i s h m e n t w o r s e.

Fine. So I bullied some people. Big deal.

I t h i n k w e a l l k n o w w h a t y o u d i d t o t h a t w o m a n w a s n o t “b u l l y i n g.”

What do you mean?

P l e a s e d o n o t m a k e u s r e p e a t o u r s e l v e s.

I really don’t know what you’re talking about.

P l e a s e. Y o u s a i d t h a t D o l o r e s - o r s h o u l d I s a y, M s. T u r n e r- d e s e r v e d w h a t y o u d i d t o h e r.

I wasn’t think-

E x a c t l y. Y o u w e r e n ’t t h i n k i n g. W e g a v e y o u r s p e c i e s s u c h i m m e n s e r e s o u r c e s t o e x p a n d y o u r i n t e l l e c t, y e t t h i s i s h o w y o u t h a n k u s? Y o u w a g e w a r o n y o u r o w n k i n d.

What is my punishment?

Giant chains shot from the void surrounding the angel and the boy, piercing directly through Danny’s chest. If anyone beside The Eyes and Danny were in that purgatory subspace, they would have heard the beating of the wicked heart of Danny Williams.

Y o u s h o u l d k n o w b e t t e r t h a n a n y o n e t h a t all m u s t r e a p w h a t t h e y s o w.

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Cornco- *splutters and dies* (talk) 21:38, 9 January 2023 (UTC)[]

You have a good base for a solid story here, but there are some issues with your execution that I must point out. For starters, the formatting - your SPaG and general syntax is mostly alright, minus a few hiccups that could be solved with a bit more proofreading, but the spaced out lettering of the "Council's" dialogue is cheesy and only really serves to distract the reader. It's comparable to Zalgo text, which is banned on the wiki altogether. Also, the arrangement of the section where Danny remembers all the names people have called him clearly doesn't work with the wiki's layout, so I would advise changing that, too.

In terms of plot, I think more emphasis should be put on the Council's efforts to rehabilitate Danny and make him see the error of his ways. The fact that they send him the paraphernalia from his previous victims comes across as (and would work better as) an effort to rehabilitate him rather than just torture him for revenge/justice's sake, so it would be a better fit if he did end up feeling regret and remorse for what he's done rather than brushing off the Council's interference. I mean, it certainly felt like that was what you were building up to before Danny's whisked away to the void, but for whatever reason, he decides to plead ignorance to this all-knowing, all-powerful force, despite just having its might demonstrated clearly to him already. It's not very realistic and I imagine it would be an improvement if Danny was given a second lease on life rather than just being brutally murdered. It would certainly help to develop him as a character; the way he is currently, with his stereotypical "bully" backstory, he feels very surface-level and one-note. The horror aspect of the story could come from his ongoing paranoia from that point of the invisible, godlike force that exercises constant surveillance on him and could pull him aside at any moment to punish him. The Council could still physically harm him in some way during their interaction, but with the purpose of showing off their power rather than executing him.

Another way I think this could be improved is if Danny's initial "punishments" (i.e. the rocks being thrown at him, hearing random voices, etc.) took place in a more natural setting and happened over a long period of time, like several days or weeks rather than all at once, one after the other, in Danny's room. It would be a good fit with the notion of the random packages being delivered to him, plus, having more realistic settings would make the effect on Danny feel less cartoonish. Random stones materialising from nowhere indoors and forcing Danny into his closet comes across as more comedic than creepy; perhaps he could instead be involved in some kind of accident at a construction site or cliff edge involving stones, one that is very unlucky and seems to Danny like it'd been set up on purpose (which it had, obviously).