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Forums: Index > Writers' Workshop > Someone's at my Door Redo


Someone's at my Door Redo[]


There's Someone At My Door Redo <---- actually intentional this time

So, around a week ago, I was caving in #####, Chicago, it was pretty standard up until I found the bones of some missing people... I heard footsteps when I found those, so I bolted out of there.

Later that night, I heard someone banging on my door. I checked my ring camera, and was shocked by what I saw.

It was me. Or at least a copy of me... But where are my eyes? It looks like a mask. I quickly called the police, and it just bolted away.

It's been around a week now, and I wonder what would’ve happened if I didn't call the cops. I would've been next.I might still be. The cops are in the process of investigating the cave, and some of the bones were identified.

I pray that whoever that was, they never come back.

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Cheeselover405 07:35, 9 November 2023 (UTC)[]

Hi FazuFoxy,

I think that this story is a good start but is too short and needs more expansion. I know that there is no required word count on this wiki, but the minimum should be a proper exposition, a conflict, and an ending, which you have some, but not all. You don't introduce the protagonist in any way, nor do you explain in detail how exactly they found the bones. You also need to provide any background as to who that person on the doorstep is; is he a ghost? Some killer that left those bones? You don't need to explicitly say, but judging by how little the story explores this it doesn't look like you have this detail planned out.

A logical fallacy in your story is that you don't have any way to connect the discovery of the bones to the visit on the doorstep. How does the protagonist know these two events are related? This could, after all, just be a neighbourhood prankster, and I have no reason to believe he is responsible for the bones in the cave.

You're also missing a lot of conflict. The protagonist just calls the police once and they're in the clear. A good killer leaves the protagonist with a constant threat. If the villain only appears once, the protagonist does not have much reason to fear them, and neither will the reader. You could expand on the conflict to make it harder to escape the threat; maybe the guy on the doorstep could try to break in, or communicate some ominous message.

Overall, your story needs to be way more descriptive, since many core details are left out. Try to predict what questions the reader will ask and expand from those points. Also don't be afraid of adding sensory detail; don't just tell what happened, describe each image with the five senses. Good luck!

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hi, cally here, dont read this its not rlly good at all.

i dont rlly care how many rules i break saying this, dont read my shitty story.

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