Squirrels.org[]
I get bored easily, and when that happens, I like finding different sites to go on. My favorite animal was the squirrel. Yes, WAS the squirrel. Why don't I like them anymore? Well, this is where my story begins. It was just a normal school day, 10 years ago. I was bored, like always. I decided, since squirrels, like I said, were my favorite, I decided to find websites related to squirrels. I found a few sites, like adorablesquirells.net, theoneswiththattail.com, and many others. However, those sites had images or videos I had already seen. Then I found it- squirrels.org. I clicked into it, and sat back while waiting for it to load. When it did, it showed several videos with simple titles. For example, one was VIDEO ABC, another called Sqrl. I laughed at those titles, and clicked on one of them. I was shocked to find out what was in the video. It showed a person catching a squirrel and bashing its head against stones. The squirrel was squirming and making pained noises, while the cameraman and the handler laughed. I switched the video to a photo, and this time, it showed several squirrels' heads being in a suitcase. Their faces were twisted in horror. I wanted to keep looking, as I thought these were posted by some evil minded 'human being'. However, similar videos and photos posted. I scrolled faster, still thinking the same thing. Please let this be posted by the same person Please. You see, there was no profile for the videos and images. I scrolled down and found a video titled 'CURSE U HOOMANS!!!'. My mind thought that this was a hate video on the disturbing clips previously, showing cuteness instead, but I was dead wrong. It showed a squirrel ripping apart a human's eyes. I never knew squirrels did that. I was too disturbed by then. I reported the site, and the next day, it was removed. I was glad. Finally, that disturbing site had disappeared.
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Squidmanescape (talk) 05:58, 5 February 2024 (UTC)[]
I saw your Discussions post and I figured you wanted something like this.
Frankly, I think the story is a bit banal. One good thing is that everything is explained pretty well. Nothing about the plot is unclear, except for the reason why you care about who is uploading the videos and also the part where you "report" the site (who are you reporting the site to?). However, some of the details are unclear, like the photo which shows "several squirrels' heads being in a suitcase". I feel like you could describe these better. The main problem is that the story isn't very interesting. You see a scary website and you take it down, whoop de doo. Frankly, the images aren't even that disturbing, which might be because they have one-sentence descriptions. I think there have already been quite a few stories about finding sites with scary videos.
Do you have any interesting stories you could tell which involve the squirrel gore site beyond shock value? I feel like if you put the main character in real danger or give them a deeper connection to the site than "I found it one day", that would be good. But you have to understand something about the site: no matter how gory the scene is, if it doesn't serve a narrative purpose, it doesn't make the story better. Even if you spend ten thousand words meticulously describing each video and photo, the story might still get deleted. If you spend only one thousand words making the main character face consequences for their decision to remove the site, it probably won't.
Now for the sentence structure. How many times did you revise the story, and how? Parts of it are written very haphazardly, like you wrote the story without revising it. The first sentence of the story (I get bored easily, and when that happens, I like finding different sites to go on.) is unnecessary and doesn't flow into the next one, possibly because you wrote it before really getting into the flow of the story. Some other problems:
- I decided, since squirrels, like I said, were my favorite, I decided to find websites related to squirrels. - You could have replaced the first bolded part with the second and deleted the first.
- I clicked
intoon it, and sat back while waiting for it to load. - I switched the video to a photo, and this time, it showed several squirrels' heads being in a suitcase. - Maybe you mean "switched from" or "scrolled from". I don't know what action you're describing.
- I wanted to keep looking, as I thought these were posted by some evil minded 'human being'. However, similar videos and photos posted - Maybe this should be "were posted" or "showed up".
- My mind thought that this was a hate video on the disturbing clips previously, showing cuteness instead, but I was dead wrong. - I feel like replacing "my mind" with "I" and "on" with "about" or "responding to" would make the sentence flow better.
- Please let this be posted by the same person. Please. - It's missing a period in the actual story. Because it's a thought, it would be a good idea to italicize it or put quotation marks around it.
Finally, it would be a good idea to split the story into more paragraphs. If you have trouble doing that, reading this blog might be helpful.
Overall, I wouldn't say this should be on the site as it is, but it's a good start to something which could eventually be really interesting. You have a basic idea which isn't very novel or dangerous, but with good execution, you can always make it work. You could even save the idea and continue writing other stories.
I hope this was helpful.