Forum:Static (Unreviewed)

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{{{Static (Unreviewed)}}}

My dog, Phoenix, he ran away from me. He ran into the wooded area behind my property, and I failed to catch up to him quickly enough. I ran after Phoenix, calling out his name, hoping to make him stop. Some days he was just too rowdy to heed my commands. He wasn’t listening to me that day. No matter how fast I ran, he ran faster than me. Deeper and deeper into the woods.

He wasn’t usually too fond of the forest either, so I have no idea why he had run so far into the woods in the first place.

After a few minutes of playing cat and mouse with my dog, I lost track of him after he had run through a bush line. I went right after him through the same bush line, scraping my arms and legs against the jagged thorns of the plant life. Once I pushed through the plant barrier, I realized Phoenix was nowhere in sight. Immediately, stress clutched at my heart. The idea of losing my dog to the wilderness slowly corrupted its way into my mind, sending waves of anxiety through my conscious being.

I called out his name, but nothing came.

I called his name out again, still nothing.

Panicking at this stage, I started running around, calling out to my dog and looking all over the forested country all around me.

I‘ve searched for him for some forty minutes before I heard a bark in the distance. Feeling hopeful, I ran as fast as I could towards the sound of barking. It seemed to grow more and more distant with each step I took towards it. I didn’t think about it too much at the time. I simply wanted to find my dog. After a few minutes of chasing the barking, it became labored and pained. My heart sank, riddled with a resurgence of worry, I ran faster and faster with each weakening bark.

I ended up being careless as I think I hit a tree. I'm not quite sure, I hit something solid and fell down. Everything turned blurry, and the forest started spinning. I tried standing up, but couldn’t. My stomach twisted and turned as I tried pulling myself back into an upright position. My head spinning at a nauseating speed and the barking sounds slowly turned into an ever increasingly static noise that flooded my ears.

Perched on all fours, I looked up and saw it.

Chills ran down my spine as I witnessed the thing standing in front of me. The temperature seemed to drop a few degrees all around me as I stared at the anomaly ahead of me. The thing seemed to have the general shape of a bipedal creature. However, it was not a man or any animal I've ever seen or heard of. It was like a parody of terrestrial life consisting of a constantly twisting and whirling gasses and clouds riddled with specks of dust ominously dancing within its general outline. This thing, it had the lights of black holes breaking out of its form, illuminating the forest with their alien iridescence.

The nebulous apparition moved towards me. It looked like it was gliding in space as opposed to walking. Shifting in and out of our plane of existence as it moved about. With each inch gained towards me, the things shaped shifted from that of a cloud and a mock humanoid over and over. The disgusting shape of this wraith caused my stomach to the point of causing me to throw up. As I hurled my last meal, I felt something leaking out of my ears. I was too weak and paralyzed to move, let alone do anything about the entire ordeal.

When I finally noticed its “head”, my heart sank to my heels. The sensation of dread was so strong a burning sensation ignited my chest cavity, causing me to yelp out as I collapsed with my eyes transfixed on the top of that monstrosity.

Its top, a liquid-like metallic shining material shifting this way and that. The organ, clearly a poor attempt at the shape of a head. That thing, it looked like two inverse bells constantly moving towards one another before splitting apart. The strange organ was pulsating awfully in and out of my vision accompanied by a barrage of cold, nearly black, illuminated gas clouds coming from the expanding and retracting opening in its center. These clouds spun around themselves in a maddening fashion.

I felt something cold touching me, and it felt like the life was being sucked out of me. Everything started fading, everything but the gut-wrenching static noise. Everything started growing colder and darker by the millisecond, everything but that ungodly static noise. Once I had accepted my fate, I heard the barking of Phoenix. I could faintly hear his barking and growling. He was nearby, and he was angry.

Everything turned black.

I woke up to my dog licking me at the hospital. Someone found us in the forest, Phoenix was guarding my unconscious body. There were no entities, no lights and no smokes, just me and my dog. I-I don’t really know what happened. Brain damage was suspected, as a result of me hitting my head a few times in a nasty fall. Maybe that was the case. Maybe the whole thing, maybe the ghastly demon, may all of it was just a figment of my scrambled brain’s imagination. I can’t tell for sure.

What I do know is that I‘m deaf. I've lost my hearing. Something damaged the nerves responsible for my hearing. Reportedly, they appeared to be burned off. What I do know is that sometimes I can hear a static noise that sends a paralyzing chill down my spine.

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Wow, a creature with a speaker for a head? Never heard of that one before...

Sarcasm aside, I think you need a new antagonist. Even with the clumsy extra descriptions, this still feels like a sirenhead rip-off, and the set-up is too plain for this story to rely on anything else but its monster.

Why didn't anyone laugh at the farmer's jokes? Because they were too corny! (talk) 11:20, October 24, 2020 (UTC)Cornconic

It's fine. The whole thing came about over mocking HPL's clumsy descriptions and use of extraverbousness to describe "indescribable horrors". Changed the head-part a bit. I guess you're right the Sirenhead thing, but it was totally unintended. 

There is too much Ketchuppa in my Spaghett (talk)  

Grammar, punctuation and capitalization are all fine but change the concept a bit, like those reviews stated above it's like a Sirenhead spinoff, this will get deleted immediately tbh.

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