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The Case of Kilaran Ticker: Sam's Account[]

“Demons are like obedient dogs; they come when they are called.”

-- Réme de Gourmont


Kilaran Ticker. This name has plagued many people as of late. The government denies his existence, and people board up their doors when they hear his name. I have been assigned by the FBI to investigate this matter and present my results to the public.

My name is Daniel Hawtheman, FBI agent currently investigating the mysterious disappearances following an unknown man named Kilaran Ticker. Through my investigation so far, I have collected a set number of accounts from several people. This is Sam Wess’s account of his encounter with the creature.


A cardboard box. That’s what started it all. It all started on February 25th, three days from my roommate's birthday. His name is Jacob, he’s a really cool dude. He IS a dunce, but he gets the job done quickly, and does it right. He’s ripped, and he spends most of his time playing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and working out in the college gym. Anyways, I’m getting ahead of myself. So, Jacob was off at class that day; I think it was…math that he was going to? Well, I had no classes that day, so I spent my time in my dorm playing Splatoon 2. Great game by the way, I would totally recommend it for you. Anyways, I was busy getting my game on and taking out the Octolings when I decided to go to check on the mail. It was around that time that we’d get the mail anyway. So, I paused the game, I took my keys and locked up the dorm, and then I headed downstairs to my mail cubby. When I went to check, there was certainly something there. Some bills, some letters from my parents…and there was a box! Ecstatic and anxious about what it was, I quickly checked for who it was from. No return address, no name…nothing. Even weirder, the box was addressed to a man named “Kilaran Ticker”. I didn’t really know what to do with this, so I decided to ask around the building. I couldn’t find anyone who knew this Kilaran Ticker, so after a while I wrote on a sticky note


“Here’s your package, Kilaran Ticker,”


and stuck it on the apartment wall next to the lost and found where I placed the box. I then walked back to my room and resumed playing Splatoon 2.


The disappearances started shortly after that. It started with a good friend of mine: Kylie Garrison. A day later, it was a guy I didn’t really know named Johnny Hancock. A day after THAT, it was a guy named Richard Tate. However, the next person to go missing was the last straw. I…I’d better just tell you the whole story…


I was sitting in my room doing some homework for my legal studies late; I believe around 9:15-9:20 p.m.? I think it was around that time, but I couldn’t be sure. Time was not something I was concerned about at the time. Anyways, I was working on my legal studies when Jacob came back from his birthday party. He stumbled into the room and asked,

“Hey, Sam! Sammaroony, Sam mah man! Yeh wanna get some nachos, mah main man?” Good god he was drunk.


“Um, sure, just let me finish this little bit I have to do with my homework,” I replied.


“NAH, yeh don’t need that lil piece of shit, Sam! Yeh outta hang out with us,” he replied, accidentally tripping on a cord and falling over on his face, now sleeping. I rolled my eyes, and hoisted his now sleeping body onto his bed, and resumed my work.


“Oh, shit…my head…” Jacob sat up in bed, and I got off of my switch and asked, “Hey, you sober now?” “Yeah, but I don’t like it…my head hurts…” he replied, rubbing the spot where he hit the ground. “Yeah, you took quite a fall there, you ok?” I asked. “I…I guess…I’m gonna go take a shower,” he replied, getting up from the bed and walking to the showers. I sat back down and shook my head. “What a dummy,” I thought.


He took three hours. I went into the shower room, hoping to find him sleeping in the shower, and heard the shower running in one of the stalls. “Jacob? Oh, thank goodness, I thought you went missing like so many people already are…” I said.

Silence.

“Jacob? Are you sleeping in the shower? WAKE UP!” I shouted.

Silence.

To be fair, Jacob sleeps like a rock. However, I was getting really nervous. I knocked on the door to the stall. I heard shallow breathing. “Oh, thank god,” I gasped. Pounding on the door, I hollered, “JACOB! WAKE UP!”

“W-huh?! What’s going on?” I heard a man say from behind. “Sam? Is that you?”

“Jacob, it’s me! What were you doing there for so long?!”

The next words he said made my false bravado crumble like a Christmas cookie.

“Jacob? No, I’m Henry.”


Sam refused to say anymore on the topic of Jacob. However, he did testify as to what happened next. Here’s what happened…


Shortly after the police’s investigation, they assumed he’d probably just ran away. He couldn’t have, though! It was his goddamn birthday! I decided to lead my own investigation. The scene of the disappearance DID have one thing in common with all the other disappearances: nothing was left behind. Except…one small bloody message. However, due to the shower running during the time, the message faded. Although, I thought the bloody message said KT. Looking back, I should’ve taken that as a warning.

Even the best bloodhound hits a dead end, though. I hit a trail colder than a pack of frozen chicken. I eventually…I just gave up.

It had been a month since the disappearances started. More people were disappearing, and there were very few people left, myself included. I was walking down the cold, dark, empty hallway at around…9:30 p.m.? Anyways, I was walking down the hallway when I thought I heard footsteps from behind. Turning around, I saw someone standing at the end. “J-Jacob?” I asked, recognizing the face immediately.

Silence.

“Jacob, please, where were you? You’ve had everyone thinking that you were dead!”

Silence. He started to move towards me, step by small step.

“Jacob, what are you doing?”

I blinked, and then he was gone.

“Jacob? I know no Jacob,” I hear a raspy voice from behind.

Spinning around, I saw nothing.

“I only know who I am and who YOU are, Sam,” the voice snickers.

Twirling around again, I saw nothing.

“Ah, there’s that spirit I look for. So full of fear, so full of terror. That’s why I chose you,” it says.

“W-who are you? What do you want from me?” I asked, stuttering as I turned once more to find nothing.

“Oh, Sam, Sam, Sam…don’t you remember? I’m your good friend, KT,” it laughs.

KT…then it dawned on me. “Y-you took Jacob! What did you do to him, you monster?!” I holler as I turn to find nothing once more.

“Sam, I forgot to mention…thank you for returning my box and letting me in,” it says, chuckling.

I had an idea. I reared back and kicked at the air behind me, hoping to hit it.

“Now, now, let’s not get dangerous here. I really should thank you a little more. After all, you let me enter the resident hall,” KT says with a grin that I didn’t have to see to know it was there, “You left my name on a big sticky note.”

Kilaran Ticker. I…I was talking to Kilaran Ticker.

With that final sentence, the voice was gone.


Alright, now I’ve told you everything! Can you guys please pardon me? I swear I didn’t do it! I didn’t kill Jacob! I swear! Besides, KT’s already here in the prison with me! He’s torturing everyone I know and love! Everyone I care about! Please! Just free me!


When the prison guards came to retrieve Sam, he was nowhere to be found. Reports say that he broke out of jail, but that was all just a scapegoat to allow the investigation of KT to go on without people continuing to press for more information.

This is the end of Sam’s account of his encounter with Kilaran Ticker.





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~~This is very good if i'm being honest, can't wait for the final draft! ~~[]

The story is good, overall can't nitpick on anything

Te (talk) 13:07, 29 January 2022 (UTC)[]

Hey bud, I've arrived to give my feedback!

First thing's first, I noticed a few points where things read a bit awkwardly. "My name is Daniel Hawtheman, FBI agent currently investigating..." for example could use either a 'the' or another comma, to give it appropriate flow eg: "My name is Daniel Hawtheman, the FBI agent currently investigating..." or "My name is Daniel Hawtheman, FBI agent, currently investigating..."

There's also another one close to the beginning "A cardboard box. That’s what started it all. It all started on February...". The ending of the one sentence, and beginning of the next with the compilation of the same three words is a bit wonky. Perhaps rephrase it, or take one part out altogether?

There's a few other examples of peculiar wording throughout the story (particularly the awkward use of a word almost back to back), but that's just two.

As there's a period in the title of "Super Smash Bros. Ultimate" consider putting it in italics, to clarify that the whole thing is a title, and not the end and beginning of a sentence.

I'd suggest, stylistically, you avoid using CAPS LIKE THIS. It kinda comes across as sloppy. Try using italics or if even more intense, bold for emphasis. It helps come across a bit more smoothly.

Between Sam putting his drunk, unconscious friend on the bed and him waking up, there's not much of an indication that any time had really passed. Perhaps contextualize it by saying "The next morning..." or something like that?

While I appreciate the simile in "The next words he said made my false bravado crumble like a Christmas cookie." I don't feel like the world 'bravado' is entirely appropriate. Perhaps 'hope' may be the word you're looking for?

Maybe mention Jacob's last message in the scenario where Sam finds it, instead of reflecting back on it? It could make it more poignant, and give it more of a creepy sense.

Perhaps to give it a more realistic sense of compiled interviews, you could open with a typical "State your name, age, address, etc." to give us a bit more of a feel that all the information Sam is giving, is from a professional interview with law enforcement. Perhaps look a little bit into what typical investigative techniques would look like, and how an interview tends to go down. As someone with training in law enforcement, it comes off as a little too abrupt, and not very official.

Ultimately, I like where you're going with this story, and how (with my insider information) I know you're intending to write it from multiple perspectives.

I feel as though it could use a bit more subtlety, and hints. Balance 'showing' with the 'telling', and really get into the character's perspective.

I think you've got a solid frame to work within here, and I'm looking forward to seeing you bring it to the glory that you have in mind! Keep at it!

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