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The Crawler[]

Before he was known as “The Crawler” he used to be known as a 17-year-old boy named Jackson Mcgowan, but after the amount of trauma he went through it all changed.

Jackson’s father was aggressive towards him and would constantly throw beer cans or bottles at him. His father would go as far as leaving him with bruises and cuts. Why did he do it? No one knows. The only time Jackson felt free was at school. Even though he would get constantly bullied for his birthmark on the left side of his neck shaped like a worm, and his love for insects made it worse. He was constantly called Bug-Man, Insect Lover, and other names. The one thing that Jackson hated was people toying with his pet, Kakó.

Kakó was a centipede about 6 inches long and had 15 legs; He stayed in the science room at school because he didn't feel safe at home. One day when he arrived at school to feed Kakó, he noticed that Kakó wasn’t in his Insect Cage. Jackson started crawling under the desks and looking for his pet, but then he heard the sound of the door behind him being opened. It was the people who he hated so much, the bullies. Jeremiah, Nathan, Darrick, and Shara.

Jeremiah grabbed Jackson's legs and pulled him out from under the table and told him to stand up. Jeremiah said: “Hey Bugman, wheres your stupid creepy crawly.” They all laughed as Darrick pulled out Kakó from his pocket ”You’re looking for this stupid bug?” With a sinister smile on her face, Shara took the bug, dropped it on the floor, and “BOOM” the sound of her foot stomping on the bug, crushing it, watching as greenish blood oozed out. They all laughed and left the room. Jackson went to Kakó; Kakó then moved slowly towards Jackson, without thinking he picked up the bug and injected it with random chemicals he found in the chemical storage room to his surprise, Kakó began to grow longer, and then Jackson realized his mistake, he mixed to wrong chemicals and made the bug appear unnatural.

Kakó began to bite through Jackson’s skin, and after getting through the first layer he went inside and started crawling up towards Jackson's brain. Jackson panicked when he saw what Kakó was doing; he froze still as Kakó made it to his brain and wrapped himself around it. He soon heard “Jackson I am Kakó, the embodiment of malicious intent, you cared for and fed. Now that I have almost died, you revived me with the strange mixture, you’ve made me stronger. Now that you have helped me, I'll help you by fusing with your brain, and the powers I have shall be transferred to you.”

Jackson heard this and shivered. He responded to Kakó “how do I know this will work?” Kakó chuckled from inside Jackson’s head “ You don’t want to get revenge on those scum for the torture that you have been enduring for 3 years? you still feel bad for them? I can give you the power to end them, but don't let the power overwhelm you; you will become rabid. Do you accept these terms, Jackson?”

Jackson felt a rush of vicious intent and rage towards his bullies and accepted. Kakó cackled as he fused with Jackson. He ended up dying and being resurrected as an immortal. The last time the 4 bullies were found were with blood leaking from their eyes and roaches crawling out of their mouths. Two days after they attempted killing Kakó, it was too late for them to realize they had crossed paths with “The Crawler”.

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Skittle3507 (talk) 16:42, 4 March 2022 (UTC)[]

The concept is good, but there are a lot of grammatical errors and loopholes.

Also, what is the point of introducing the protagonist? It could just as easily be told from a narrator's perspective, and all it does is add a 2 or 3 extra lines to the story that have no real value whatsoever. Is this story part of a series? That would explain being told from the protagonist's POV.

There are loopholes that make no sense, such as

How was the protagonist hiding in their closet? If they were in their home, how did The Crawler enter.

This is a seriously good concept, there are just a few things that need to be added and taken away.