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The Curse of Immortality -IN NEED OF FEEDBACK-[]

The Curse of Immortality

Have you ever wanted to bestow the ultimate misfortune onto somebody? Eternal suffering and despair? Well, you may be able to. You will need:

  • A sizeable amount of the ritual subject’s blood (no exact amount is known)

  • A bottle of alcohol (preferably something with a high percentage of alcohol, such as vodka)

  • 2 liters water that has been previously boiled

  • A fresh human corpse (should the corpse have any rot, the ritual will not be perfected)

  • An ice cube. This must not melt, so it is preferable to do this during a cold night

  • A tarp that is at least 24 inches by 24 inches

You must find a secluded area, and make sure you are not followed. Having minimal electronics within a 100-foot radius of this area will increase the chances of the ritual being perfected. Lay the fresh corpse face-up, their hands to their sides.

Gouge out the corpse’s eyes, and pour a mixture of the alcohol and the blood into their eye sockets. Remember to not use all the blood and alcohol. Open their mouth and place the ice cube carefully inside. You must then dig a hole next to the body.

The hole must be 12 inches deep, and wide enough to fit the body’s head. Pour the water into the hole, and hold the head of the corpse in it until the water starts to bubble. Take the head of the corpse out. If you take the head of the corpse out of the water and the ice cube is perfectly preserved, the ritual is well on its way to completion. If it is not, abandon all your materials and never, ever come back to this area.

If the ice cube is preserved perfectly, pour the remaining alcohol into the body’s mouth. Now wait until the ice cube melts, and pour the remaining blood into the body’s mouth. Place the eyeballs that have been gouged out of the corpse back into their sockets. You must then quickly leave the area.

You should next immediately kill the person you are torturing. Their spirit will be transferred into the fresh corpse. The method of death should be strictly strangulation, as to not spill any blood from the corpse. Your ritual is now complete.

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Te (talk) 15:59, 9 March 2022 (UTC)[]

Howdy there, I've come to offer some feedback for your story!

So, it opens up with the feel of an infomercial. I was wondering where you were planning to go with that, as it seemed unique, and creepy, but that was quickly lost within the rest of the story.

It's obvious that this is some kind of "Ritual instruction" pasta, which is cool. I like that you have stipulations to the ingredients, such as the body's state of decomposition affecting the success of the ritual. The little details and specificities really make these types of pastas unique and interesting. Try to extend that same attention to detail to other aspects/ingredients as well. Perhaps in regards to the volume of blood, you could give a range? Otherwise, it's massively vague. A syringe full of blood? A cup? A bathtub? You see where I'm going with this.

I like the practice and details of the ritual. Especially the whole "if something goes wrong (the ice cube melting), give up and never come back" element. It gives some semblance of repercussions, and the unknown powers behind the ritual.

I'd like to see a bit more details before and after. We kinda just jump in to the nitty gritty headfirst, then crawl out and it's over.

There are a few sentences that could be cleaned up a bit. For example "The method of death should be strictly strangulation, as to not spill any blood from the corpse." The wording "method of death" is kind of awkward. Either it's how they died, or how they are killed. "The method you use to kill your victim should be clean and blood-free, such as strangulation..." would be a little bit more tidy (just off of the top of my head). Unless there's a reason for it to exclusively be strangulation, and not electrocution, poison or some other blood-free method of murder.

There are a few other wording issues that you can easily fix up with some proof-reading. Try reading the story back to yourself, out loud. If it sounds weird to say, it's probably weird to read too.

All in all, this is a cool little concept. I like that it's just a grim and terrible ritual. The acts are savage, the means are dark, and the ultimate goal is truly just plain evil. It's rare that you see rituals that are just so malevolent!

Good stuff so far!