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Forums: Index > Writers' Workshop > The Hand


The Hand[]

It was the middle of the night and I was craving for a snack, When I saw a hand sticking out of my window, I was of course horrified but I noticed something strange, the hand seemed to disappear after I went to touch it, I wanted to call the police when I heard a "Feeddddddddddd....me.." Kind of sound, I was extremely stunned and scared after that, I heard footsteps coming from the kitchen..and then saw a woman who was really pale with black hair covering her face, she was stealing all my snacks, but when I looked at her I passed out, I'm now trapped inside of her prison as I'm writing this.



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Te (talk) 12:16, 27 January 2022 (UTC)[]

Hello! I am here to provide feedback on your story. Thank you for posting it to the Writer's Workshop!

The following feedback will consist of both objective observations, and my personal opinions. I hope it helps.

First off, I'd like to start by addressing the length. While there is nothing wrong with very short stories, or micropastas, the trouble with them lies in the ability for them to meet the quality standards. A story must always be complete, with a beginning, middle, and end. Things need to tie themselves together (unless things are obviously intended to be ambiguous).

This has led to your story being somewhat underdeveloped. Things just happen. Why? Who knows. Not the reader.

It's always good to begin your writings by asking yourself the who, what, when, where, why of the story. Even if you don't necessarily want the reader to know, it really helps paint your story. Try to build a world of your own, and let the reader get a glimpse inside.

I'll now move on to some of the grammar, spelling, punctuation, and word choice.

There are several points throughout this story when punctuation is either required, or is somewhat misused. You use a lot of commas throughout the story, which is okay, but remember to close sentences with a period. The entire story is basically one, long, run on sentence. It makes it difficult for the reader to separate the clauses/concepts and happenings of the story. It makes the writing look sloppy as well.

Partially due to the punctuation issues listed previously, you've frequently mis-capitalized words. A capital should only be used for proper nouns (Names of people or things, such as Larry, or Algonquin Park), for the beginning of a new sentence, or for the pronoun "I".

Regarding the peculiar wording and sentence structure, try reading your story out loud. This can help you realize where words may or may not belong. The sentence "It was the middle of the night and I was craving for a snack" is kind of awkwardly worded. It should be either "...I was craving a snack" or "...I had a craving for a snack". Furthermore, the line "I heard a "Feeddddddddddd....me.." Kind of sound" is peculiar as well. Hearing someone speak isn't really described as a "kind of sound" in that way. You could say something like "I heard a something strange, it sounded like someone saying "Feed me..." or you could say "...it sounded like a voice...".

The woman kinda comes out of nowhere, and we have no idea of any of the W questions by the end of the story.

Who is the person? You, I suppose. What is happening? Some kind of ghostly encounter? I don't really know. When? The middle of the night. That's an answer we do have. Where? I assume, the home of the narrator (you). Why? The most important question of them all, and I haven't a single clue. Why is this happening? What triggered it? Why hasn't it happened before? Is it a ghost? Is she attached to the house?

Sometimes it's good to leave the reader with questions, but in this case, there aren't many reasons for anything. It's all one big question.

The mention of her stealing all the snacks felt more funny than scary to me. Obviously she's connected to the 'hungry hand' in some way, and that's why she's stealing the snacks. But how and why is the narrator now imprisoned? How are they even writing?

All in all, I think you have some very loose material to start a story with here, but it's very much unfinished. Try to give more details, expand both the understanding of the reader, and your own understanding of the scenario.

As of right now, this story does not meet the wiki's quality standards. It would be removed if it was posted. But don't give up! I look forward to seeing what more you do with this story. I think you can really make something good here, with more effort.

~~This story was confusing and the pacing was weird~~[]

I don't mean this to discourage you, this is to help improve your story with feedback. This story was confusing for me to read and I didn't understand what happened. The pace was also weird and it isn't enough to be a good story. Try and make it longer and try to make a story that has a good pace and is understandable. You need to make your story leave your readers scared, not confused. But I hope you do well with your story! Good luck with your writing!

Sincerely, Jjokes11

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