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The Mysterious condition


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So I read your work and a I encountered a few issues:

There are several grammatical and spelling errors in your story. Here are the ones I caught up to the ninth entry:

  • At paragraph 5 line 2: Replace "exiting" with "exciting"
  • At paragraph 5 line 3: Change "used to use the modern computer" to "used to using the modern computer"
  • At paragraph 5 line 4: The W in "welcome" should not be capitalized
  • At paragraph 10 line 3: Replace "there" with "was"
  • At paragraph 15 line 2: Replace "there" with "was"
  • At paragraph 15 line 3: Replace "potions" with "portions"
  • At paragraph 19 line 1: Remove the first "of"
  • At paragraph 19 line 2: Remove "does"
  • At paragraph 19 line 2: Replace "show" with "shows"
  • At paragraph 19 line 4: Replace "om" with "on"
  • At paragraph 31 line 4: Remove apostrophe after "its"
  • At paragraph 36 line 4: Replace "moot theory" with "root theory"
  • At paragraph 42 line 2: Replace "exiting" with "exciting"
  • At paragraph 42 line 5: Replace "this" with "these"
  • At paragraph 44: Replace "nineth" with "ninth"
  • At paragraph 48 line 2: Place "have" after "to"

Also, there are multiple places where you should add commas to separate clauses, including:

  • At paragraph 10 line 3: wrap "instead of a tumour" with commas
  • At paragraph 15 line 1: wrap "after all my years in surgery" with commas
  • At paragraph 19 line 1: place a comma after "blog"

Finally, it appears that there are many instances of awkward wording in the text, where it gets hard to read smoothly. Sentences like:

  • Instead does he show no need for any food and is now even able to walk around despite it should not even be possible for him to be alive at this point.
  • And it will therefore be my duty to stop the scenario that cases like this in the future will continue to be covered up by these people.
  • I instead of a tumour saw that his caecum there gone and that in its place were only a black spot on the part of the large intestine where it otherwise should have been.

You will notice that if you read these, the flow is broken. Most of these are caused by sentences a little too long or strange word placement.

So, even though the actual storyline seems very interesting and the vocabulary is diverse, the story's wording needs to be reworked in multiple places to enhance the plot. Hope this helps and good luck!

Cheeselover405 05:14, 20 November 2020 (UTC)

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