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The Never-Ending Lucid Nightmare (draft 2)[]

This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. I thought to myself multiple times as I heard whispers coming closer and closer to my room. Never in my life have I ever had a dream like this. Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up. I thought again. However, nothing I did would help me get out of this situation.

The room I was in was exactly like my room in real life. It had all the characteristics. And yet, the longer I was stuck here, the more dark it became until the room was pitch black.

One would think that I was stuck in sleep paralysis. However, I knew this wasn’t sleep paralysis. Instead, it was a full-on nightmare. How did I know I wasn’t awake? The time changed on my clock every time I looked at it.

The whispers drew closer, and closer, and closer, and closer. Time was getting slower and slower until I felt like it had stopped. If time had stopped, then why am I still hearing those whispers? I looked back at the clock and it said 12:30 am. It was only a 30-minute difference from the last time I checked it just moments before. Or was it eons ago? Don’t know, felt like it.

My fingers started twitching. Okay, this is good, I can move my hand. Then it stopped twitching and started to move around like it had a mind of its own. Last time I checked, fingers aren’t supposed to act like this. Since it was pitch dark, I couldn’t see if it was doing it was moving on its own or something was controlling me.

Suddenly, the room became lighter as I heard the doorknob turn. I took the chance to look down at my finger. However, it was peacefully resting. I could a wound dripping blood and tiny black things coming out of it.

I didn’t realize there was someone in my room until I heard heavy breathing at the foot of my bed. I turned my head to look at it and it was a green scaly creature with characteristics like a reptile. Yet, it looked like it was twice the size of the tallest human on Earth.

The whispers were coming back. And they sounded like people I knew. People I loved. People I trusted with my life. However, those whispers turned into ear-pitching screams as the creature charged in the direction of the voices.

A few minutes later, I could see more and more figures in my room. My mom, my dad, my grandparents, my siblings, my aunts, everyone. And they were all deformed and had their noses all chopped off and their eyes clawed off. And their heads were bright red.

What happened to you? I thought. I wanted to ask that out loud but I knew I couldn’t speak. Tried that earlier.

The scene changed and I was suddenly in the hallway of a school. It looked to be abandoned and there were a bunch of bodies everywhere. I turned one of them over and blood spilled out of their mouth. I took a better look at their face and was horrified to see their eyes poking out of their sockets. Their lips stitched up as if they were wearing a permanent smile. I couldn’t read their actual expression.

I put the body down and it disappeared. Every body in the hallway started to disappear one after another. I dared not to look behind me. When I did, I saw a line of what looked to be zombies. And they all had the same look as the body I was just looking at a few seconds prior. Or was it a few hours ago?

They started to walk towards me. None of them said anything. The hallway was quiet. However, it wasn’t dark. Just eerily silent. I wonder what was worse, being in a dark hallway with a bunch of whispers or being in a hallway that wasn’t dark but was quiet. I couldn’t even hear the sound of my own feet running towards the exit.

When I arrived outside, it was like an apocalypse. The sky was red. I could see zombies everywhere.

And then it was dark. And I was waiting for the next part of this nightmare.


Omlettthebeagle♥𝒯𝒶𝓁𝓀♥𝒞𝑜𝓃𝓉𝓇𝒾𝒷𝓈 (talk) 15:47, 7 May 2024 (UTC)


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~~Some Advice ~~[]

Heya! Love the idea of a lucid nightmare. However, I've got some notes.

For starters, you use repetition a lot in this story (which normally isn't a bad thing), but it's used to the point of exhaustion. I don't need to read 'wake up' more times than one or two at once.

Also, you seem to have a small problem with the "show don't tell" rule. Sometimes you tell too much (as with the previously mentioned repetition), sometimes you just mention that the room the MC is in has the same characteristics as their room. Don't just tell us that, describe it! Details, details! What was the color of the wallpaper? What was the size of the room? What did the room smell like? (I know, weird question, but this one is important!) Appeal to the 5 senses. I don't want to just read an experience, I want to experience that experience. Does what I'm saying make sense?

All in all, you have a basic idea here. You just need to really immerse the reader into your world you've created. (easier said than done, I know, but you've got this!) Good luck!

SaladTopping (talk) 19:25, 22 June 2024 (UTC)

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