The Old Wooden House Wasn't There
This story is about a friend of mine named Connor, who worked as a reporter. His job is to travel to many places around the world and collect as many bizarre rumors and stories for his newspaper. He always had his phone with him so that whenever he came across a newsworthy incident, he could capture it immediately.
One day, Connor arrived at a district located in New York City. The district is known to have fewer criminals because they say any criminals that visit this district mysteriously disappear after one night of committing a crime, and they never left any traces behind.
It was the middle of the night. Connor had switched on the flashlight on his phone, the winds were strong, and in the silence of the night, one could hear the blowing wind as if a storm was about to hit.
As much information that Connor has gathered, these disappearances suddenly happen after the death of the billionaire who lives on the city's outskirts. His name was Franklin, and they say he was formerly a scientist who works for the government before he retires for unstated reasons. When the police discovered Franklin's body, the head was missing, further investigation has shown that something bites off his head, and they presume this must be a case of an animal attack. Still, they couldn't identify the animal that killed Franklin.
Connor inspected the house and saw if he can find anything that is worth for him to write in his newspaper article. But what he finds was a diary and several documents left underneath the house's basement, where he also found surgery tools and four beds covered in dry blood.
When Connor is about to read the diary, he suddenly heard voices and footsteps coming up from the basement's stairs. He immediately hides underneath the bed as two individuals steps into the room. Connor kept his mouth shut and waited for them to leave.
While he's hiding underneath one of the beds, he could hear those peoples talking to each other, one of them speak in a low and raspy voice, Connor slowly takes a peek outside of the bed, and he gasps silently. What he saw was something inhuman. Right in front of his eyes are two teenagers. One has bleached white skin wearing a red hoodie, the other is dark grey skin, but the most horrifying thing he saw is their faces.
The creature standing beside the one with bleached white skin has a jagged mouth covered in blood. When it opens, sharp pointy teeth were shown, and Connor could even smell an awful stench coming from the creature's mouth, its eyes are bloody red, and it has razor-sharp claws that are covered with blood. Moreover, he could see the blood dripping from the creature's own hands. That's when Connor realizes that the bleach skin's t-shirt has bloodstains all over it too, and yet, his hands are soaked in dry blood as well.
"Ugh, cover your mouth Nicolas, and be sure to get some clothes when we go home. Even though that group of criminals who rules over the slums satisfied our taste, it doesn't mean we have to live like animals," the bleach skin guy said.
"Hey, why are we here again?" the creature speaks in a tuneless and broken voice.
"We are here, to find the documents, and any other pieces of evidence that are left behind, no one can know about us, about the experiment," said the bleached skin.
The grey skin creature sigh before they both left the room, Connor, now feeling safe, slowly crawls out from the bed and looks around before getting out of the mansion in one peace without being noticed by the two.
Connor came to know from the peoples who live in the district that Franklin once adopted four orphans, in which they had good times with each other. However, after Franklin's death, the four children are nowhere to be found. To this day, it is unknown what had happened to the children, but many have said that the cause of Franklin's death was what has taken the children away.
But, Connor doesn't think all of those were real. He believes that there is a deep and sinister secret behind it. He did show me the documents before saying he'll quit his job and move somewhere else to live, and I find it hard to believe when I read through the papers.
Document 1: Project UTLMF - Day-01:
The subject had developed a super regeneration that can heal from everything. The test has been proven through being shot multiple times, bisected limbs, and even dismembering body parts. Yet, incredibly, they can develop such a higher degree of healing factor.
Document 2: Project UTLMF - Day-02:
After the incident of Day-01, subjects have shown to develop impenetrable skin towards the previous threats used on them. Today, the knives and bullets are utterly useless against them. It would've appears like they are starting to develop a kind of adaptation capability that would constantly adapt to anything the moment they have regenerated.
There may be possibilities of the adaptation supporting them in developing newfound powers such as flying, teleportation, or perhaps the ability to manipulate energy.
As such, we can now assume that they have superior strength, speed, agility, and endurance that would rapidly evolve until the threat is comprehended.
Document 3: Project UTLMF - Day-03:
IQ test scans have proven that their intelligence began to increase vastly fast, their mental condition is starting to grow stronger than that of normal.
Document 4: Project UTLMF - Day-04:
The subjects have display genetic DNAs that'll support them in having a kind of decelerated aging, in which they would age slower than any other species. So the older they grew, the slower they age.
Document 5: Project UTLMF - Day-05:
The subjects begin to experience a transformation. Subjects 3 and 4 share a significant mutation. The mutation turned their skin completely dark grey, and their facial features were deformed. In addition, they show off signs of developing sharp-pointy teeth and claws.
Genetic DNA, blood samples, and body testing have shown a significant change in their physiology. In addition, testings have proven that their physiology allows them to detect all sorts of threats across the environments and help them develop immune systems to overcome the threats. Potentially, they would be the first to create a robust immune system towards discovered and undiscovered diseases.
Although it has proven that their physiology couldn't sustain against toxic chemicals, they have died on several testings, but they came back to life for some reason.
This explains that the mutation cannot develop immunities for drugs, and it may seem that it was because they can't detect artificial things unless it's used on them.
Document 6: Project UTLMF - Day-06:
After days of being in a coma, they have finally awakened. I have drugged them with a syndrome that I put into a cup and fake it as normal water. It worked because they were still in a state of being tired. They didn't think much before taking the shot.
The syndrome successfully erased half of their memories of all the past events.
Document 7: Project UTLMF - Day-07:
As I lied to them about an incident that made them suffer a coma over the years, they have no doubt and thoughted they were born with superpowers.
Today, I ran another test, and I discovered that subjects 1 and 2 could fly at high speeds. They were shown to have superhuman physical capabilities as my expectations.
Subjects 3, and 4 on the other hand, have developed an ability to absorb solar power to breathe out energy.
Document 8: Project UTLMF - Day-08:
Subjects 1 and 2 began to develop the capability to control some form of red energy, which the two have shown to create and shape energy to their own will. Tests have confirmed they can generate energies in any part of their bodies at any moment.
Document 9: Project UTLMF - Day-09:
After a few years of researching, I've decided that it's time for us to evolve the subjects. As we all know, the subjects are still incomplete versions of reaching their full potentials of being a true ultimate being. They must be immune to everything, and signs of still being infected by something results in total failure. I shall once again give them a shot of the syndrome and erase their memories.
As the process of re-written their genetics has proven to be a success. They have now developed a top physical and mental condition. Their entire process of slowly aging has become vastly superior to the former ones.
I wasn't too convinced of the documents, I find it hard to believe what I saw, and I can't tell whether what Connor was saying is true. I mean, what if the peoples he saw were just ordinary teenagers seeking fun? I mean, it's like one of the everyday things we did during our teenage years.
The old and dusty documents must be written by one of the adopted kids. I mean, come one, we didn't know what age they are, maybe Franklin must've taught them, and they became as smart as he is, so perhaps these documents were just for some fun games.
But I didn't tell Connor about what I thought of his experience and the old papers he found in the house. I don't want him to feel so disappointed and betrayed because of the thought that his close friend sees him as a crazy person.
But, I felt a little weird the moment I read Franklin's diary. I realized that the children he adopted were named Jackle, Emily, Nicolas, and Edge. According to what I know, Jackle and Emily are siblings born to unknown birth parents. They seem to suffer from a type of skin deformity that causes them to have bleach white skin, but it doesn't affect any of their health or mental conditions. In contrast, the other pair of siblings, Jeffery Nicolas and Jeffery Edge, are adopted from another orphanage. The rest of the pages, their all written with all the fun times they had with each other.
Still, this wasn't enough to convince me. Instead, I was thoughted that this might be just Connor's imaginations and that he must mistake a duo of teenagers over these missing children.
I didn't want to dig deeper or get involved with any of these. I take the diary and papers before returning them to Connor, saying that I didn't need them and that its best we shouldn't show this to our boss because nobody is going to buy this bullshit, and that is the last time I saw him, the documents, and the diary before he leaves.
Part 2: The Bleach Skin Siblings
This happen to me when I was still in grade 8, I lived in a small town
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EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:11, 17 June 2021 (UTC)
This repeats a lot of the same mistakes I mentioned in your previous stories as well as some new mistakes. There's quite a bit of awkward wording, run-on sentences, and tense swapping here as well as something quite serious that will be discussed below.
Awkward wording: I'm noticing this a lot in your stories. You tend to post rough drafts of your story and then make dozens of edits rather than proof-reading and revising before making the original post. "Connor inspected the house and saw if he can find anything that is worth for him to write in his newspaper article.", "That's when Connor realizes that the bleach skin's t-shirt has bloodstains all over it too, and yet, his hands are soaked in dry blood as well.", "Connor came to know from the townsfolks that Franklin once adopted four orphans, in which they had good memories with each other.", "Or was this man name Franklin experimented on the adopted children?", etc.
Run-on sentences: "The district is known to have less population of criminals and many other dangerous individuals because they say, any criminals that visit this district mysteriously disappear after one night of committing a crime, they went missing without leaving behind any traces or clues, it was the middle of the night, Connor had switched on the flashlight on his phone, the winds were strong, and in the silence of the night, one could hear the blowing wind as if a storm was about to hit.", "While he's hiding underneath one of the beds, he could hear those peoples talking to each other, one of them speak in a low and raspy voice, Connor slowly takes a peek outside of the bed, and he gasps silently.", etc.
Tense swapping: You're telling the story as a past event (i.e. the narrator is recounting the events), but you frequently use present tense. "His name was Franklin, and they say he was formerly a scientist who works (worked) for the government before he retires (retired) for unstated reasons.", "But what he finds (found) was a diary and several documents left underneath the house's basement", "He immediately hides (hid) underneath the bed as two individuals steps (stepped) into the room.", etc.
Pacing: This story is unfinished and feels more like an introduction for your OCs. There is no real conclusion here. The protagonist sneaks into the mansion of a recently dead man, finds files with portions copy/pasted from other wikis, and then the story ends. There's no real sense of conclusion here. What do they do with that information? In the end, this feels like you wanted to include your character's bio, strengths, and weaknesses ripped from other wikis but didn't feel like writing a complete story around it.
Passive nature: A majority of your story is told passively without a lot of descriptive elements. You don't really go into how the protagonist is feeling trapped under a bed with two dangerous individuals in the room. You don't really go into how their discoveries at the mansion impact their choices. Considering the fact that they quit their job as a result, this really needs to be amended.
Descriptive weakness: "The cause of Franklin's death was presumably a case of human cannibalism, but the police were never able to trace down the person who is responsible for his death" Why do they assume it's a case of cannibalism? While the audience can fill in the narrative gaps to infer what you mean, not giving any description makes the event come across as bland. "Today, I made a significant discovery. The subject was found to have been able to fly at super-high speeds. Thanks to some blood samples and cell testing." How does blood samples or cell testing confirm that?
Plagiarism: A number of entries are copy/pasted from other wikis and sources. "All forms of cellular injuries and disease infection will be healed at metaphysical levels, rewritten all damage to a mere dream, even if said injuries appeared before the regeneration powers are obtained, such as heredity illnesses and unformed limbs." This line is taken from other wiki entries with minor wording changes to fit into your narrative.
This is not the only instance of plagiarism in the story. "From my experience with the specimens, while they're in a coma, I must say there is a potential the subjects may develop a supreme mental and physical condition. Their strength, speed, mind, and other qualities are vastly superior to other beings" is stolen from here. Ripping lines directly from other sources without citation or credit is plagiarism. This is not the first time you've done this. You also stole lines for "Know Your Sins" from the Dragonball wiki. Doing so again will be treated as plagiarism. At best it's literary laziness as you're unwilling to write your own descriptions and reports and at worst it's outright plagiarism. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:11, 17 June 2021 (UTC)