The Outside (Wheel of Misfortune Contest)[]
I wake up, letting out a loud yawn and stretching, ready to start another day on the ISS. I slowly get out of bed, and start preparing my breakfast. I notice rather quickly that there doesn’t seem to be anyone in the ship, but I assume that they’re going to surprise me. It is my birthday, after all.
Slowly, I eat my breakfast, trying to distract myself yet the silence unnerves me. It's usually silent in the ISS, but there's always people talking and moving around. Something isn’t right.
I safely throw away my food, and start exploring. I was wrong. No one is here. Not a single soul. I check every window I can find just in case someone is on a spacewalk. No one. There aren't even any suits missing. I start to panic, and contact Houston.
“Houston, this is Sargent Anders on the ISS. I’ve just woken up and there doesn’t seem to be anyone on board. Is there a reason for this?”
“They have all joined the Outside. You should join them too.”
I’m confused. I question what that means, but the radio quickly turns to static. I sigh, and try again with every single radio station I can find on the ship, but I always get the same answer. Join the Outside. It's very confusing. Realizing I might be alone, I start to panic. This has to be a bad dream, right? Of course. If I go back to bed, maybe I’ll wake up from this nightmare. As I’m returning to my bed, I freeze in place. I see a figure. It doesn’t look like a modern astronaut, instead more of a cosmonaut. It looks old and dirty, and its helmet is cracked open. It looks at me, and its skin is gray with black eyes. I freak out, and try to run away.
As I run from it, I pass by a window. I glance at it, and notice that Earth is getting bigger. I then realize that Earths not getting bigger, but instead that the ISS is getting closer, and might crash. I then feel something cold touch my arm, and look over, seeing the dead cosmonaut. I try to get out of its grasp, but it stands there, frozen. I then notice that a few more ghosts start to surround me, this time they’re more modern astronauts, but all of them have broken helmets. They start to chant something, and then I realize what they’re saying.
“Earth has blocked us no longer. We will bring the Outside to humanity, as we have done to God.” >
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I dunno about this one. While it definitely fits the guidelines of your challenge, I believe there are a few things that will definitely dock you points.
You started nearly every paragraph with the letter "I", and rather than holding my attention, it distracted it. That repetition is a very nifty thing to pull off, but only when used rather sparingly. Be careful with that, but at that point it just kinda irks me. Another thing is that it felt...rushed. A flash pasta is supposed to rush without making you feel rushed. Just try to avoid making a pasta that makes the reader feel like they're being pushed through it.
Other than that, I think you've got a really good premise and story on your hands! Well done!
It's The Crouton Man (talk) 05:00, 18 April 2022 (MST)
Going good so far![]
I absolutely LOVE the premise for this story. However, I felt like it was lacking a tiny amount of substance, even if it's a flash pasta. It seemed too hurried. Maybe if you tweak a few things, the story will flow cleanly.
That's all I've gotta say! Good luck with the contest!
Named after the bottled water brand, AQUA— *dies* (talk) 20:21, 21 April 2022 (UTC)
Creepy Thomas O. (talk) 22:43, 29 April 2022 (UTC)[]
How is this person able to run in the absence of gravity?