Forums: Index > Writers' Workshop > The Pale Boy


The Pale Boy


==PART 1==


Ben, Penny, Alex, Daisy, Jenny, John, and Annie all got out of the aircraft. It was Summertime, and they were planning to go on a trip to North America.


As they got out of the station, they all took the bus and headed towards New York City.


"It's gonna take 2 hours, guys," said John.


"Oh, really, that's lame," said Daisy.


"Well, we can tell some stories to kill time," said Annie.


"Stories about boys?" asked Jenny.


"No, no, I'm talking about urban legend stories, you know, myths," said Annie.


"Urban legends? There are urban legends in North America?" asked Ben.


"Well, yeah, and this legend is about, The Pale Boy," said Annie.


"The Pale Boy? Never heard of that," said Ben.


"Well, I'll explain it," said Annie.


"A long time ago..."


_________________


'''The year 1798 of North America.'''


It was a freezing night outside on the empty streets. A young boy named "Alex Witzberg" is on his way home after another day of school. Alex's school life wasn't okay. His father filled it with almost never-ending hardships. Alex was a 15-year-old boy who was just like one of the few children who had misfortune in their lifetime caused by themselves. He was passive, kind-hearted, and always restrained himself from letting his anger and violence get the best of him. He was also a crybaby. Alex was also extremely lazy. He was terrible at studying because he did not focus on the teachers. Because of this, he always came back with bad grades.


What's worse is that he was born fragile, inherited from his sweet and delighted mother. His father was a rigorous man like Steve and a former bully in school. He was always strict with Alex and his young brother. Alex wasn't satisfied with this. His father did not allow him to live with a pacifist and weakling personality. Yet, since he wasn't a genius nor able to catch up with his classmates, his father hired a teacher to educate him for hours without rest.


"I'm home," said Alex.


"Hello sweety, how was school?" asked Maria.


"It's fine, mom," said Alex.


Maria was Alex's mother and the only person that Alex loves the most. His mother is a person who always felt sympathy for him. She always stands up for him and tells his father not to go hard on him. Alex hopes he can one day repay for her kindness.


"Yeah, it is great, just stayed to have a conversation with the teacher for a while," said Alex with a bright smile before leaving his mother's sight.


Alex walks upstairs, sat on his desk, and waits a while. Ten minutes later, he can hear voices of his mother chit-chatting with another female's voice. The door opens and reveals a woman. She closes the door and walks forward at him.


His parents all thoughted that things would be very okay with him, but they didn't. Alex eventually suffered physical abuse by the teacher who is hired due to his lack of studying, keeping promises to finished homework given, and making many mistakes repeatedly. The teacher thought that if she hit him or beat him multiple times, Alex would snap to his sense and become determined and has tenacity in focusing on work. But it didn't help.


"ALEX, YOU USELESS CHILD, HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY EVEN GET THIS WRONG AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE TAUGHT YOU!!!" the teacher, Ms. Jasmine, yelled at him hard before hitting his elbow with her own hands, and kept on yelling before slapping him on the face, and kicked him on the leg with rage.


Alex didn't respond outrageously. He remained passive and quiet until the teacher cools down. Alex didn't want to argue with the teacher since she has figured his nature, and she uses it to force him not to question any of her words. If Alex dares to, she will step up and leave, promising never to return and teach him ever again and let his father educate him.


Alex is terrified of his father. His father, Mr. Leon, can't stand his anger towards someone who repeatedly makes many mistakes or is extremely stubborn and doesn't know their places. Alex has once done so. He ended up receiving many hits from his father. Sometimes, instead of using his hands, the father would use objects that can leave behind wounds that can make an average human being almost bleed. Yet, his father always scolds him because of his carelessness.


"Yes, yes, Ms. Petra," said Alex to his outrageous teacher.


Alex wasn't okay with his life. He is surrounded by peoples who put a lot of pressure on him. What he wants is not to receive any bad complaining. He wants people to speak formally.


Until one day, he wasn't okay with how things are going back at his home, his parents have put too much pressure onto him, delaying all of his resting times and replaced it with more work and studying for the sake of him being able to become a great person in the future, and so, he ran away. He ran deep into the snowy forest.


He was now alone.


Everything is quite


He sat there in loneliness.


He didn't even sleep.


As days pass by, with no food, drinks, or a warm shelter or anyone, he starts to get weak. But suddenly, one day, he begins to notice that his entire body is adapting to the coldness. His whole body gets paler nowadays, and he starts to feel less tired too, somehow, he doesn't feel tired, and he begins not to feel sleepy at all. But what caught his attention was how tall he becomes. His condition somehow became better. The human skin that is having frostbite suddenly warmed back to regular human skin. His belly that kept on growling every day stops barking. The coldness suddenly just become like a normal thing to him. The boy is now tall as a typical average human being who has reached an adult's age. He thoughted to himself, how calm this happen? Is this magic? Or some unexplainable phenomenon?


This only confused the boy more. However, what shocks him more is that he found out he possessed supernatural powers. Knowing this, the boy thinks that God decided to repay his hardworking, without letting this waste. The boy came back to his old town, tracks down the teacher, and kills her. He then finds his dad, who is drunk and is walking home at midnight. He confronts and beats him up. The boy left behind multiple scars, and some of his father's bones broke in the middle of the winter snow before perishing away without leaving a trace.


Alex eventually got what he wanted life to live with free will, although it didn't last long. Because of being an immortal being that can't die naturally or unnaturally, Alex became lonely. He began to felt like as if life is being unfair. He felt like he's being pushed aside by life itself.


A deep hurt grew inside of him. It wasn't fair. He didn't know why he was like this. Over time, Alex grew bitter and desperate and sadder, and sadder. As because of being able to sense the presence of negative feelings all around him, he now hated what he was because of having to feel disturbing emotions. Alex also started to hate what the peoples he had to witness to their children. For the first time, he ever felt like he wanted to launch a fist directly at the face of the peoples who disrespect the innocent's life and threatens them. He hated how he also felt. He hated why didn't he jump right at it and stop it already.


Forcing to have his presence everywhere and witnessing neglect, forgotten, unwanted, abused of all kinds, innocence being harm in generations after generations with no hope. He now called himself "The Pale Boy" as his alias from his immense and unending sorrow and pain.


One day, The Pale Boy now has his presence in an empty street, as he witnessed a group of happy homeless kids wearing ripped off clothing and hugging each other while going to sleep in the winter, it then saw a mysterious creature, and it knows that the creature has bad intentions with them, it couldn't take it anymore, and approached the creature as it is stalking the group of young homeless souls, The Pale Boy tried to reason with the creature in leaving them alone as what the kids have ever done wrong. But the creature did not understand the feelings of either the Pale Boy or the kids.


"I don't care. In this world, there is something that humans shouldn't try to find because it'll all end up having them dead," the creature said as it raises out its hand and stretch into a slender-like arm and reaches out for the kids.


When The Pale Boy saw that, he immediately tries to tell the creature to stop and even shouts out to it about his pain, begged the creature to understand his feelings, and begged to give the kids another chance to live, begged to stop this wronging the creature is about to do.


But the entity wasn't convinced, yet it was unmoved and replied that the Pale Boy's emotions didn't matter. The entity asked why it must understand other's emotions. The creature told the Pale Boy that beings like him should always be misanthrope towards humankind because that's how the system works—the Strong lives while the weak dies.


The creature has even explained that in this whole world, there are more peoples, more beings, more creatures that have suffered worst than these homeless kids, and that Alex couldn't understand what it's like to have their private place or peacefulness being disturbed for numerous of peoples out of curiosity.


It didn't take too long for The Pale Boy. Something inside of him snapped. The evil eldritch entity wouldn't acknowledge the feelings or ways of acting of children at ages like this. Evil eldritch entities never have sympathy, show mercy, or emotions towards innocence at all.


Alex immediately uses his slender-like arms, resizes his hands to a size big enough to crush an average watermelon, and without hesitation immediately launches a fist towards the entity's face sending it flying towards another area before appearing right next to it.


"PISS OFF!!!" Alex roared in a sinister tone before kick into the entity's belly, sending it crashing into the nearby walls, and then walks off. The entity couldn't move. It was weak, it immediately tried to implant a curse on the Pale Boy, but it was futile.


"So you are using that curse implanting method of yours now!?" asked the Pale Boy.


"W-what!?" the entity looked with an awe expression.


"I have a knowledge that allows me to determine every being's thoughts, their feelings, what happened to them, and what discovery they made even when I have yet to make direct contact with them on high accuracies. The fact is that without even twitched or blink, I can already figure out the answer to all and what move are my enemies are planning or about to make on me. With this, I came up with countless of what methods should be used on them? Even if he has yet to confront those individuals, he can obtain all sorts of information by just thinking of the name or alias of the person I find, even if they are trying to pull out some sleeves to avoid my knowledge, it is impossible for that, regardless even when their non-existent beings, or non-living beings," said Alex.


He walks forward. The entity looks up with a fearful expression, even when it doesn't have a face that can make people know what it feels. Alex is now standing with a large mouth rimmed with sharp pointy teeth, black eyes, and red pupils. His body is now twice the size of what the creature has previously seen.


"That power of yours is a bit interesting from my first look through...but I think that's as far as you'll get," said Alex.


In a moment of grief, and desperate, and pure rage, Alex grabs the face of the creature, lifts it, and chews its head-off, ripping it into pieces, and pieces, cutting its flesh before dropping down a complete mutilated corpse of the dead creature.


"Urgh," Alex then pulled the body of the creature away and disappeared.


On the next day, the homeless kids woke up seeing that their sleeping inside an orphanage. On the next side of them has four present written with their names on them, they joyfully opens it, inside of was a blanket, for each of them, when they put on, they eventually felt really warm, as if it was from something that got skinned.


_________________


"That's his legend," said Annie.


"It skinned the creature by eating all of its insides?" asked John.


"Yes. Very brutally," said Annie.


"Damn," said John.


"But Alex was now relieved that the homeless kids are safe. Alex felt a lot of things all at once. He now realized that everyone chooses a purpose for themselves. They choose the path to see whether it could lead them to success and make it through life easily, but Alex would soon find out that what he did would have unexpected consequences," said Annie.


They all stared at Annie in curiosity.


"When The Pale Boy has the brave to approach someone in talking to them for the first time, no one understands him, most people couldn't even see or felt his presence, and the ones who can interact with him, most are children that have yet to reach the age of teenagers didn't know how to interact with him. They just stared, unsure of what to do or how to help. Alex would even search for other beings like him in the outside world to ask them for help. Still, for some reason, these entities that he confronts couldn't do anything. Some even attempt to implant many bad curses on him, some tried to brainwash and wipe him out of existence, but it was futile," said Annie.


"Why?" asked John.


"Ever since becoming The Pale Boy, Alex no longer has a physical form. His presence is now everywhere across every plane of existence. He seemingly now exists in a non-existent place that non can ever reach, known as the Superreality," said Annie.


"Superreality?" asked Ben.


"Superreality, the answer to the curiosity "what if everything here is just the work of a group of authors?" It is and is its category. It is not space, not a location, not anything, not nothing, etc. But to call it something is a must; otherwise, we cannot refer to it except by name. So let's say it is a thing. As it will become apparent later below, Superreality is highly complex. That's the problem. He isn't bound with anything. He's bound with above fiction now," said Annie.


"Oh, what happens next? To The Pale Boy?" asked Daisy.


"Well, Alex somehow felt like its best to not communicate with the civilians in the human society, as it was told by its knowledge that it mustn't, and when Alex approaches a being or a person who is about to do something wrong to others, it made the eyes of a person who pleaded them to stop their acts, to stop it, to help Alex not to have had his hands covered in blood, to help him not suffer from being overwhelmed by negative feelings all over the whole existences of all realities, even when his knowledge alerts him that these peoples have no redeemable qualities, he still does so and begs them to stop, but for the other purpose is to protect the innocence. Nothing worked, so Alex just killed them all for food and even provided some for the peoples being harmed, mostly are homeless children or poor peoples he can find, although the food is usually fleshes that were roasted into eatable resources, which of course, fleshes are of demons, eldritch abominations, serial killers, abusive peoples towards them, 100% sure that no cases left behind any traces of his "food" or what we call them victims" said Annie


"


</div>

Leave Feedback

Close the space between the four tildes in the box and hit the "Leave Feedback" button to begin your comment.



ChristianWallis (talk) 14:10, 24 March 2021 (UTC)

Ben, Penny, Alex, Daisy, Jenny, John, and Annie all got out of the aircraft. It was Summertime, and they were planning to go on a trip to North America.

As they got out of the station, they all took the bus and headed straightforward towards New York City.

"It's gonna take [2 hours] guys, intervals of 2 hours awhile," said John.

"Oh, really, that's lame," said Daisy.

"Well, we can tell some stories to kill time," said Annie.

"Stories about boys?" asked Jenny.

"No, no, I'm talking about urban legend stories, you know, myths," said Annie.

"Urban legends? There are urban legends in North America?" asked Ben.

"Well, yeah, and this legend is about, [no comma] The Pale Boy," said Annie.

"The Pale Boy? Never heard of that," said Ben.

"Well, I'll explain it," said Annie.

"A long time ago..."

_________________

The 17th century of America.

[Maybe go for like 1960 or something. 17th Century means no electricity and no formal schooling.]

It was a freezing night outside on the empty streets. A young boy named "Alex Witzberg" is on his way home after another day of school [mixed up tenses again, past vs present]. Alex's school life wasn't okay. It was the worst and the start of how his life was filled with almost never-ending hardships. Alex is [was] a 15-year-old boy who is [was] just like one of the few children who have [had] misfortune in their lifetime caused by themselves. He is [was] a boy who is passive, kind-hearted, and seemingly always restrains [restrained] himself from letting his anger and violent thoughts from getting [get] the best of him, which, he [.] [He was]is also a crybaby back at his childhood age. Alex is [was] also extremely lazy. He is [was] bad at studying because of [he did] not focused [focus ]on what the teachers are teaching. Because of this, he always comes [came] back with bad scores on his tests. [grades.]

His friends in school always take [took] the opportunity to bully him,[.] one [One] of them, Steve, a short-tempered boy [from a strict family ]born from a family with a few peoples being extremely strict towards each other, was how his life went from a normal, happy boy down to a soft and passive boy. [is this about Steve or Alex?]

[When] Steve firstly [first] became friends with Alex, they get [got] along, but their relationship didn't last long when Alex didn't follow Steve's words, aka orders in [to] sitting [sit] next to him. Because of this, Steve felt like Alex was not a worthy friend, and later unfriended him, and became a tyrant that underestimated those who have the weak-manners and body like Alex. This soon brings Alex's school life down to literal misandry. [This made Alex’s school life a misery]. Steve eventually became a short-tempered bully towards Alex. [you said this already]

The expert skills in soccer, learning, social, and convincing of Steve has made almost all of the students in the class turned their backs on Alex. Alex even lost a friend to him, but some stayed with him. He couldn't fight back, all because of his soft, kind, and passive personalities restricting him from expressing his stress and violence, although he was at-least [at least] relieved that Steve did not attempt to hurt him physically.

What's worst [worse] is that he is [was] born to be fragile, which he has taken [inherited] this personality from his sweet and delighted mother. His father is [was] a rigorous man like Steve, who is [and] a former bully in school. Which he [was] always went strict with Alex and his young brother. Alex wasn't satisfied with [this] it. His father did not allow him to live with a pure pacifistic [it’s just pacificist] and "weakling" [no need for quotes] personality. Yet, since he isn't [wasn’t] a genius nor  [able to catch up with] is catching up to his classmates, his father hired a teacher to educate him for intervals of hours with no [without] resting [rest].

"I'm home," said Alex.

"Hello sweety, how was school?" asked Maria.

"It's, fine, mom," said Alex.

###

So this is far as I can do. I’ve picked out a lot of errors and it’s going to be too time consuming to do them all. Did you write this in English or is it a translation?

"Thank you for correcting me, however, I did use Grammarly to correct all of my errors, yet, I even used a premium type, can it expire?"

HopelessNightOwl (talk) 05:37, 7 April 2021 (UTC)

Okay so to start with, there is no reason for this "legend" to take place in 1796. America did not have people with names like "Alex Witzberg" in the 18th century. They did not have K-12 education, female teachers, or any of the other trappings of modern society that this story has.

Beyond that, this story appears to be a standard Jeff the Killer-like pasta about a boy who is bullied, but instead of becoming a serial killer he just turns into a godlike entity. Not only is this an extremely cliched story that does not make much sense, but stories of this type really aren't allowed on this wiki.

https://creepypasta.fandom.com/wiki/Creepypasta_Wiki:Spinoffs/Jeff-%22Inspired%22_Stories

^Read this page. It concerns stories like the one in your draft. Quite frankly your story would have to be greatly overhauled to not be outright banned under the "Jeff rule."

Lastly, if English is not your first language, there are creepypasta wikis in other languages whose members may be able to give you better help, including wikis in Spanish, French, and Portuguese.

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.