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The Pseudomorphling[]

My name is Alex, and as I pen this from a hospital bed in Millford, New York, my body is a battleground for a horror that defies reason. This account is my desperate attempt to warn others, a chronicle of the descent into a living nightmare that began with a simple act of loneliness: adopting a cat.

October 4th, 2003

The Millford Animal Shelter was a small, unassuming building on the outskirts of town. That's where I met her. Luna, as I would later name her, was an enigma wrapped in black fur. Her eyes, a deep emerald, seemed to pierce through the mundanity of the shelter. I was immediately drawn to her, a solitary figure seeking solace in the company of what I believed to be an ordinary cat.

October 18th, 2003

Luna settled into her new home with an ease that belied her initially skittish demeanor. However, as days turned into weeks, peculiarities began to surface. Her movements were graceful yet unnervingly precise, too deliberate for a common house cat. Sometimes, I caught her staring at me, her gaze unsettlingly perceptive, as if she understood more than she should.

October 24th, 2003

Luna's behavior grew increasingly bizarre. Her appetite waned, yet her abdomen swelled as though she was pregnant. But this was no normal gestation. At times, I thought I saw her fur ripple, a disturbing undulation that suggested something was moving beneath her skin. Concerned, I scheduled a visit to the local vet.

October 25th, 2003, 10:00 AM

The vet, Dr. Harrow, was as perplexed as I was. His examinations revealed nothing. Blood tests, ultrasounds – all inconclusive. Yet, Luna's condition worsened. It was as if she was being consumed, or rather transformed, by an unseen force.

October 28th, 2003, 11:47 PM

That night, the horror revealed itself. Luna's body contorted in ways that defied nature, her cries a chilling blend of pain and something darker. In desperation, I rushed her to the emergency clinic, praying for a miracle or at least an end to her suffering.

October 28th, 2003, 11:59 PM

The clinic's fluorescent lights flickered as if resonating with the terror that unfolded. Dr. Harrow attempted to sedate Luna, but the needle snapped against her skin, which had grown impossibly hard, almost chitinous. Then I saw it – a glimpse of the true Luna. Her fur parted, revealing not flesh and blood but a writhing, grotesque mockery of life, a parasitic entity that was using her body as a grotesque vessel.

October 29th, 2003, 12:24 AM

In a frenzy of terror and confusion, I fled the clinic, the sound of Luna's unearthly screeches echoing in my mind. That night, my home became a chamber of horrors. Luna's body, or what was left of it, split open, birthing a legion of nightmarish creatures that bore her likeness but were distorted, as if viewed through a twisted, malevolent lens.

October 29th, 2003, 1:30 AM

Their touch was agony, their presence a blight upon my very soul. I remember the pain, the fear, and then a merciful darkness.

November 1st, 2003

I awoke here, in this sterile hospital room, my body a host to something unnatural. The doctors speak of infections, of hallucinations, but I know the grim reality. I can feel them inside me, growing, claiming me as Luna was claimed. This is my testament, a warning to those who may find themselves drawn to an enigma wrapped in fur. Beware the Pseudomorphling, for it wears a familiar guise to mask an unspeakable horror. I am Alex, and this may be my final message. Remember it, and beware.





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Squidmanescape (talk) 15:39, 7 February 2024 (UTC)[]

This story is relatively interesting as a concept, but the minimal, sometimes baffling, description hinders it greatly.

If I'm being entirely honest, it feels like you used an AI text generator to write this story. That doesn't necessarily mean that you did. For example, it's possible you wrote this in a single sitting without editing it (like a generator would), then posted it here for review. If so, I applaud your grammar and spelling, because I think there aren't any syntactic mistakes in the entire story. The concept of the story - a being which infects animals and people - is also relatively interesting. You are also willing to experiment with Fandom formatting to make the story more readable, which is a good habit to have.

There are still a few problems with it, most of which are shared with the output of AI text generators. Firstly, you seem to use words for the connotations they have rather than their literal meaning. For example, in the first paragraph, you have the line "... my body is a battleground for a horror that defies reason. The problem is, as we later learn, the character's body is not a battleground and the horror does not really defy reason. It is possible I am misunderstanding, but I think the character has been infected by the Pseudomorphling. Calling his body a battleground doesn't really make sense except tonally because the battle going on is never described, and saying it "defies reason" is an oddly vague term which generally comes before an attempted description, and the phrase is being used to describe something which doesn't really defy reason. I feel like there are many better ways of wording this, but I don't know which one you would want to choose.

Also, the ways in which you use words to describe things is not ideal. You repeat specific odd-sounding phrases like "an enigma wrapped in fur" (which is another example of tone over literal sense) while you don't explain that the thing is called the "Pseudomorphling" until the very end. If you want my opinion, I feel like it would be better to have the title be this strange word while the actual word isn't mentioned. Meanwhile, the phrase "an enigma wrapped in fur" might have been repeated in order to convey something essential about the cat, but this falls flat because it inherently doesn't convey anything. Any furry yet unfamiliar object could theoretically be described as an enigma wrapped in fur. Maybe you could describe her gaze, or something slightly more tangible about her?

Other examples of confusing descriptions:

  • Her movements were graceful yet unnervingly precise, too deliberate for a common house cat. (what does "too deliberate" even mean)
  • "The clinic's fluorescent lights flickered as if resonating with the terror that unfolded." (weird connection, and no terror has really unfolded before this sentence in the timestamp, so maybe "was unfolding" would be better)
  • Her fur parted, revealing not flesh and blood but a writhing, grotesque mockery of life (vague description)
  • "... a legion of nightmarish creatures that bore her likeness but were distorted, as if viewed through a twisted, malevolent lens." (vague, confusing description which doesn't line up with the previous one)
  • Their touch was agony, their presence a blight upon my very soul. (weirdly mind-based way to describe touch, doesn't give a good idea of what's happening)

Here are some more problematic sentences:

  • "However, as days turned into weeks, peculiarities began to surface. Her movements were graceful yet unnervingly precise, too deliberate for a common house cat. Sometimes, I caught her staring at me, her gaze unsettlingly perceptive, as if she understood more than she should." - How does this fit into the rest of the story? Also, what does "too deliberate" mean in this situation?
  • "In a frenzy of terror and confusion, I fled the clinic, the sound of Luna's unearthly screeches echoing in my mind. That night, my home became a chamber of horrors." Why is Luna in the character's house? Did they take Luna back to their house again? If Luna went back, how and possibly why?

Finally, I think that each of the entries are way too short. I feel like they should be longer if you're going to split them up like this.

To be clear, there is nothing inherently evil about using a program to generate the text of a story, or writing based more on playing with tone than literal meaning. The problem is that if you write solely based on the tonal value, it leads to situations where the story feels like reading someone's dream, and it also feels like you didn't edit the story and you're just too lazy to find the correct words. Just to be clear, these won't be fixed by blindly elaborating on the descriptions. There are certain choices you have to make with them, and if you continue writing the story in whatever way you wrote this one, it's possible you'll just end up with the same problem again.

I feel like it would be a good idea to focus on each time stamp, try to explain what's happening in that scene, and then explain it in a way that makes visual sense. Then, you can look at the time stamp's relation to other time stamps to better understand whether it should stand on its own. If you work towards making the story more detailed in a way that makes sense throughout, I think the story will improve markedly.

I hope this was helpful. I'm sorry for accusing you of using an AI text generator if you weren't. Still, like I said, there's nothing wrong with making writing mistakes that one of those normally makes. That said, if you actually were using such a generator, I suggest not doing so throughout a story. I've heard that some people incorporate AI into their writing in order to write specifically the parts of the story they don't want to write, but that requires a lot of text that they do want to write. Remember that it takes skill to use even an AI text generator to your advantage, and I for one think that it's easier to just write the story yourself.

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