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The ones from space[]

Although many people believed in aliens in the 21st century, it was mainly influenced by pop-culture, and when they did come; it did not come in thought of human power, no… They were powerful, more powerful than we thought.

CHAPTER 1: POST-WAR

The echo of water splashing off my paint brush into a cup put me in a trance. The multi-squared painting with black outlines and different colors inside the square's stood tall in front of me mocking me. I looked at the finished product, and I thought it was the worst thing I had ever made. As I felt the feelings of anger and frustration rise in my head I drew a large black line across the painting causing it to drop to the ground. I stand over the painting in silence feeling numb, as I see Mike walk into the room.

“Finn, this is your sixth painting you've crossed out! all the others were super good! You need to be more confident in yourself! Just know I’m proud of you and you inspire me. Why do you think I said ‘yes’?” Mike said.

“I guess so, But it's closing time so let us go home” I said with sadness in my eyes. Mike and I walk outside to close the shop up. Mike out of nowhere grabs me and embraces me in a long hug, saying ‘I love you’ then walks away. For a split second I felt at peace. I turned around to look at the face of the art store that we own to lock up. As I am locking the front door of our shop the sign ‘Mike and co. art shop’ disappears into the darkness. It fills me with a type of dread and fear that I cannot explain.

My apartment had my paintings plastered over the walls, an average gray carpet lies on my bedroom and living room floor. I walk into my kitchen and grab out my rum and mixer, it's time for Daiquiri. I try to drown out my insecurities with Daiquiri and Rum. But now it was time to go to bed, so I can think about what I’m gonna paint and encounter tomorrow. Then my ‘Dreams’ as everyone calls them kick in. The staticy beginning and then flashes of colors, Finally the memories, the horrible, horrible sounds, my step-dad Crash! Slap! Kick! All the dreaded moments of my childhood. . But I should stop thinking about it.

At noon I proceeded to walk into our art shop, around two customers as usual . “Hon!” Mike said “You’re an hour late! Did you have the dream again?”. “Yes, but I promise I’ll be better” I exclaimed to Mike “Finn, it's fine, it doesn't matter, don't be better, things happen and they leave an impact.” Mike told me. I walked to the front desk. “Hello, just this painting and that will be all” one of my Customers says. “Ok, that will be 11.99” I say. They give the money and walk away. “Great,” I think, “One day's income”. The shop didn’t see any more customers for the day. Then it was six we close up the shop Although my anxiety was rising, I left to my apartment. Yet my routine was interrupted due to an odd green flash in the sky then a loud bang. I looked out my window to see what caused the flash, a green star? Falling from the sky smoking, IT'S FALLING TO EARTH. I go to my bathroom to brace for impact. Nothing happens, I walk to my room thinking an explosion would follow, it's a cylinder that landed near the bushnell In the city, I feel something is wrong. I Facetime Mike.


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It's starts off well, an interesting fact about aliens and a way to turn our thoughts on what would an alien intervention be, which is worse than we could think of. That's nice, the only real problem I see is that the story is really charged with information and thoughts, I would advice to slow the pace, even if the story is meant to be short.Whitecrow233 (talk) 22:55, 26 June 2023 (UTC)

~~MY Feedback! (I know you've all been waiting :D) ~~[]

Hey, good effort! However, I've got a few issues. Specifically, I have to agree with what Whitecrow is saying about pacing and exposition. You need to slow down, man! Show, not tell.

Second, and this is just a small gripe from me, please grammar check. Nothing irks me more than an uncapitalized proper noun, or a period where it shouldn't be. Also, "it did not come in thought of human power." What is that supposed to mean?

Not gonna lie, I struggle with paying attention to long blocks of text, but when I'm able to be sucked in with a thrilling story I can't put it down.
Within the first few seconds, I put it down.
Please, man. Don't try to create a generic alien arrival story! I've seen the premise so many times that I'm bored to death of that kind of plot! Twist it up! Make something new and exciting from it! You've got this, it just needs some fine-tuning!

Good luck!

SaladTopping (talk)

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