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Forums: Index > Writers' Workshop > UW1N.Com


UW1N.Com

It was a normal day, in a normal town. This normal town is where I lived. I turned on my computer, and opened Google. Then, I saw something. A bookmark that was not there before. It was labeled “U Win!”. I clicked it, and it opened a website called “UW1N.com”. The website seemed fairly normal. It was a web game about collecting coins. Nothing too strange. That is, until I collected the last coin. A screen popped up saying “U Win!” with a button that said “To Level 2”. When I clicked on it, things started to take a turn for the worst. The music grew warped, the plants seemed to start dying, and the coins grew a slightly reddish tint. Yet, I kept playing, and it only got worse from there. By the time I reached Level 4, the music was practically garbled up static, and everything was now different shades of gray, with the exception of the coins, which were a very deep red. I beat the level, and the win screen was…different, to say the least. The text was a strange series of indiscernible symbols that seemed to fly around the page. Yet, I kept playing. Now, it was a maze. Everything was tinted deep red, and there were no longer any coins. I went through the maze, and at the end, there was a glowing red light. When I touched it, I nearly jumped. A loud static noise blared from my headphones, and an odd humanoid figure appeared on the screen.

File:U WIN.png

The Figure.

Then, my PC crashed. Later that night, I was awoken to the sound of garbled static. I went into the hallway to see what it was, and saw the silhouette of that same strange figure.


[NOTICE: A Missing Persons report has been filed for a 12 year old boy named William Fletcher. He was last seen in his house, but supposedly “Disappeared without a trace the next day”. He can be identified with green eyes, brown wavy hair, and a bright-blue baseball cap. If you have any information regarding this individual, please report it to the nearest authorities.]





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William See (talk) 04:20, 19 May 2022 (UTC)

So, you drew me in with the title but the story itself is rather dry and pretty copypaste from others of its type. 1) Find strange piece of software/hardware > 2) Play it while ignoring instances of either esoteric or clearly supernatural events > 3) Abruptly ends with the narrator's death/disappearance: how is the story being narrated then? I'd also get rid of the "missing persons" paragraph at the end, unless you intend to narrate this from a third person perspective: also try to format that paragraph differently if you do keep it, writing it out as a normal narrative paragraph can be visually uninteresting for the viewer (you can do this by setting it in block format somehow, perhaps on google docs then copy pasting it into the editor).

For starters, nix the opening. The reader doesn't care that its a normal day in a normal town, they just want to know what interesting thing the narrator was doing which had them describing their Google routine to begin with.

Describe the game in more detail; remember, glitchy/ominous things don't necessarily equate to scary, or even a haunted game to begin with: lots of modern video games do the exact same thing. Whats bizarre or stands out about the game that you would not plausibly see in real life?What drives the character to investigate if they have no stakes in it? How does the game "choose" a victim? These are the details which help your story stand out and interesting to read, otherwise the reader will get bored within the first paragraph. Take your time.

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