Woods Watch Us[]
Author's Note[]
Hello! This is my first pasta on here and second one that I've created ever. So, what I am trying to say is that the writing here may not be really good so don't mind me too much. I just really wanted to test my writing skills as I make this so, please, tell me ways I can improve this story! I would really like it! Thank you!
Document 1: Letter from Daymon Crosstif: August 16, 2004,[]
Dear Marie,
Hey! I'm sorry that we couldn't talk ever since you left, but my mother finally is letting me send messages to you via letter! I hear you don't have good internet down where you live so I decided to write this as an alternative! So now that we can speak to each other now! I hope we get to see each other soon. The days seem to have dragged on ever since you left. At least we can talk over many miles now, so things won't be too bad without you. I still miss going to the nearby river with you though. I remember when I did a flip off of a nearby rock but then broke my leg and had to stay home for almost half of the year in 1999. I remember how mad you were at the time too! I guess I was truly an idiot back then. If I didn't have you with me, I'd probably be in the hospital room right now or dead or whatever. Maybe when you come back home, then we can go the that same river again. I can't promise you I won't do any backflips though! I'll write to you again soon, and maybe then, we can make some plans for summer vacation or something. Have a good day, okay? -Daymon
Document 2: Journal entry from Andrew Crosstif: August 30, 2004,[]
Dear Diary,
Daymon has been in his room a lot lately... I wonder what has gotten into him.... Is he still coping with what happened? It has been a couple weeks now. Maybe I shouldn't take too much notice of it. Ethan says that I worry too much about things in general and should leave Daymon alone... I hate being the youngest of my siblings. Everyone acts like I don't know what I'm talking about. It's really annoying. But perhaps this time, I should just listen to Ethan's advice and not to worry about it. Besides, maybe Daymon is just playing his Nintendo or something. He hasn't really seemed interested in what Ethan, and I did together for the last three years anyway.
Document 3: Letter from Daymon Crosstif: September 4, 2004,[]
Dear Marie,
I've been a bit unmotivated to do things lately. I'm quite unsure why. I feel like each day at school gives me a fucking headache, and each time my mom tells me to do household chores, I just don't think I can do them right. I don't think I can get anything right to be fairly honest. Is it because I still miss you? Is it all because you're not here? What's funny is that I thought I saw you at the bus stop the other day, but then it must've been some other chick because you are a whole world away from us now. I guess my mind must be playing tricks on me now, isn't it? I don't care. I can be patient. Because I know you will come back. So, there's no need to be sad when there's no point. I just hope we meet again soon. -Daymon
Document 4: Letter from Daymon Crosstif: September 8, 2004,[]
Dear Marie,
I don't get what has been up with Andrew lately. He's been pestering me like crazy over weird things like me staying in my room too often or not talking to anybody or some shit like that. I just want the damn kid to learn what the hell personal space is! I'm sorry for sounding so irate but I've been really stressed lately. It's really tiring, and it doesn't help when your damn little brother keeps telling you about the same things over and over and over again. I guess I shouldn't be too irritated though. He is just concerned is all.... And we haven't spoken too much in the last couple of months either. Maybe I should take him and Ethan shooting some time. I haven't touched my gun in a while. I guess I've just been really tired lately. I'll consider it. Anyways, I hope you have a good rest of your day. I'll try to write to you again soon. -Daymon
Document 5: Note to Nidderdale High School counselor from Damien Ornell: September 19, 2004,[]
Dear Mrs. Auberry,
This letter isn't for me to be counseled, but my best friend Daymon Crosstif rather. I haven't seen him too often around campus lately, in fact I think at this point I've only seen Daymon a few times in this last month. Each of those times he seemed.... really anxious, and kind of sad even. It is as if his old energy had kind of been withering in these last few months. I wouldn't generally ask a counselor to help someone because I have always felt like it was all their own business, yet this feels important. I'm not fully sure why but I feel like Daymon needs help badly. He used to be the most social of our friend group, but ever since Marie left us, things have never quite been the same. I've tried to ask Daymon's only brother who attends to this high school, Ethan, if he knew what was going on with Daymon. All he said was that Daymon has been reclusive and stressed lately and kind of shrugged me off. Maybe I am just overexaggerating, but maybe can you check on him please? Just to make sure he is alright. Thank you for taking your time and listening. This is really important, so I appreciate it. Sincerely, Damien
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Te (talk) 12:33, 18 February 2022 (UTC)[]
Howdy! I'm here to provide a bit of feedback for your story!
The first thing I'd like to say, is get rid of that author's note. Not only does it cheapen your efforts/work by giving a disclaimer of quality beforehand, it also discourages a reader to even bother giving your story a chance. Being read is a competition, and if you open by saying something like "Yeah, my story isn't very good. Please be gentle and read it anyways." Most people will probably just do something else.
One thing I noticed which was not great, but turned good, was the stylistic writing of the different letter's authors. In the first two letters, it's hard to distinguish much of a personality difference between Daymon and Ethan. All of Daymon's writing after that, is unique. In writing a story from multiple perspectives, always remember that different people have different personalities. Other than the first letter, every other installment definitely came off as if they were written by different people, which is good.
There are a few points of redundant/repetitive phrases or lines. "...each time my mom tells me to do household chores, I just don't think I can do them right. I don't think I can get anything right to be fairly honest." The underlined segments are basically just the same thing twice, and same thing with the bold segments. You can fix this kind of awkward wording either by rewording some of the redundant snippets, or by eliminating them altogether.
As this is a pretty short draft, there isn't a whole lot of material to go off of. Ensure that when you do decide to post this to the wiki, out of the workshop (after editing and proofreading), that the story is complete (beginning+middle+end).
For the most part, your sentence structure, grammar, and spelling were great. Not too many issues there. There's not enough here for me to really judge the plot, but what you have so far was interesting to me. I could have definitely continued reading more.
As I said earlier, barring the first letter, you did a good job of personalizing the characters (and their writing). It's not an easy thing to do in short letter formats, but if you keep it in mind, I know you'll nail it.
You've got something pretty cool here. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading the final result.