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[[File:Dargaia_s_Nectar_by_Pillorian.jpg|thumb]]
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It was a Tuesday, I can't remember the date but it was a few years ago now. I'd just got off work and I was stopping by the regular market. A quaint store just down the road from my place. I got all the necessities and was on my way to the counter when it caught my eye, a box of Fruit Loops. Glimmering under light from the white bulbs, at an absolute steal of a price. $2 dollars, for a 500g box, it was a miracle. A once in a lifetime deal, something humankind would ever see again. So I bought two boxes of God's cereal and headed for home.
If you ever find Dargaia’s nectar, you’ll probably be one of the ones who have been looking for it all their lives, and thus won’t need any instructions on what to do with it.
 
   
Just the same, it’s pretty simple, at least to start with. Make sure your affairs are in order (in case you have a bad reaction), and then? Bottoms up.
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I placed the boxes on the bench, looking over the receipt. I still couldn't believe how cheap they were. This thought stayed with me as I packed away the rest of my groceries and had dinner. I couldn't take my eyes off the boxes, they called to me, like some unattainable goal I would never reach. My mouth watered at the thought of ingesting their sugary goodness. I had a shower and went to bed, dreaming of tomorrow morning when I would be able to eat the loops.
   
The coming months are the least pleasant part. You’ll find yourself unable to keep food down long before you’re far enough along to stop needing it. Same with sleep. The color of your blood will be off, and your veins will consequently stand out more. Expect a few ingrown body parts; little things, just fingers and ears and teeth, usually pressing up against the skin. Make sure you’re caught up on your booster shots because you’re never going in for a checkup again. Or wearing anything more revealing than a trenchcoat in public, most likely.
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A loud bump from downstairs woke me in the middle of the night. A solid but meaty thump, like flesh against wood... Except I had tile. I grabbed my 20 gauge and crept into the hall, the dark played tricks on my eyes, the shadows all casting the same fluttering shapes along the walls. I made my way down the stairs, beads of sweat forming on the back of my neck as I approached the floor.
   
Eventually, a little cut on your belly will start ‘unhealing’, becoming a puss-filled wound in a few days. Over the coming week, three things will emerge from this.
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I saw it standing there, a horribly deformed eldritch horror. It stood as tall as my ceiling, maybe taller as it hunched over my kitchen bench. It had no legs, a snake-like body clad in leathery white skin. His body forming into a neck and head, with a giant nose and clad in an aged bicycle helmet. A singular arm hoisted a box over its gaping mouth. My Fruit Loops and one box was already empty.
The first object resembles a greasy black beechnut with maybe a tooth or two growing from it. When you’re dead someone will eventually find it and use it to make a new batch of Dargaia’s nectar. Hide it well, make things fun for future generations.
 
   
The second object basically looks like a softball-sized cluster of veins, many of them broken and leaking oily black stuff, all wrapped around something. Then it’ll squirm and you’ll notice the twisted little skinless fetus in the middle. It will only survive for about twenty seconds. Burn the remains.
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I watched on in horror as it finished my second box of loops and contorted it's horrific body to look at me. "Provide me with loops, brother." I gasped for air, it's oppressive gaze sapped the life from my legs, and the shotgun clattered to the ground. I couldn't move, I couldn't see, but I could think one thing alone. I had to acquire loops.
   
The third object will be a—
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And so I write this tale, to tell you about the Long-Nosed Nobody. And if you see the Long-Nosed Nobody, do not fear, just provide him with LOOPS.
   
Well, let’s just call it “object 3″. It’s easier that way.
 
 
You can plant it anywhere you want. I advise some place where you don’t mind spending all your time and no-one else would go. Your back yard or under your cellar works if you don’t have any roommates; as long as there’s fertile soil. Dig at least five feet down. It won’t want to be buried, but just keep piling dirt onto it. If you can still hear it when you’re finished you haven't gone deep enough.
 
 
Its veins (or roots, I guess) will eventually spread in all direction about a foot and a half for every year of your life. Grass and weeds will grow stiff and bony, or black and oily, or take on the color and texture of a spider bite, or rice paper. Wood will be infected too; you’ll hear the arteries in your walls pulsing on quiet nights. The ground will rot with dead insect and animal life. Don’t mow your lawn; it bleeds like hell.
 
 
This is your sanctuary.
 
 
No matter what threats or injuries beset you outside, here you will be safe and healthy. Well, what passes for ‘healthy’ for you now. And if you really hate someone, bring them here. Trick them into coming. They’ll get infected, one way or another; a lungful of spore, a thorn-prick, a bit of residue on their hand. They will vomit blood and the blood will have tiny centipedes in it. They’ll shit out their own spinal fluids. Their eyes will milk over and hatch, little spines and brambles will grow from the sockets. They’ll survive for months or years, doctors will be baffled, it will be completely fucking great.
 
 
That’s all for starters. You’ll learn more as you go. Much more. But if I told you everything now you might not do it.
 
 
Whatever you do, just guard it with your life, with your very soul. If you think you’re in danger of losing it, dig it up, kill it with a silver needle, let someone else make a new one some day. You’ll feel as if you’ve pierced your own heart, but it’s better than letting it fall into the wrong hands.
 
 
Because you’re a Holder now.
 
 
And you’d better not let them come together.
 
 
[[Category:Holders]]
 
[[Category:Holders]]

Revision as of 01:50, October 3, 2018

It was a Tuesday, I can't remember the date but it was a few years ago now. I'd just got off work and I was stopping by the regular market. A quaint store just down the road from my place. I got all the necessities and was on my way to the counter when it caught my eye, a box of Fruit Loops. Glimmering under light from the white bulbs, at an absolute steal of a price. $2 dollars, for a 500g box, it was a miracle. A once in a lifetime deal, something humankind would ever see again. So I bought two boxes of God's cereal and headed for home.

I placed the boxes on the bench, looking over the receipt. I still couldn't believe how cheap they were. This thought stayed with me as I packed away the rest of my groceries and had dinner. I couldn't take my eyes off the boxes, they called to me, like some unattainable goal I would never reach. My mouth watered at the thought of ingesting their sugary goodness. I had a shower and went to bed, dreaming of tomorrow morning when I would be able to eat the loops.

A loud bump from downstairs woke me in the middle of the night. A solid but meaty thump, like flesh against wood... Except I had tile. I grabbed my 20 gauge and crept into the hall, the dark played tricks on my eyes, the shadows all casting the same fluttering shapes along the walls. I made my way down the stairs, beads of sweat forming on the back of my neck as I approached the floor.

I saw it standing there, a horribly deformed eldritch horror. It stood as tall as my ceiling, maybe taller as it hunched over my kitchen bench. It had no legs, a snake-like body clad in leathery white skin. His body forming into a neck and head, with a giant nose and clad in an aged bicycle helmet. A singular arm hoisted a box over its gaping mouth. My Fruit Loops and one box was already empty.

I watched on in horror as it finished my second box of loops and contorted it's horrific body to look at me. "Provide me with loops, brother." I gasped for air, it's oppressive gaze sapped the life from my legs, and the shotgun clattered to the ground. I couldn't move, I couldn't see, but I could think one thing alone. I had to acquire loops.

And so I write this tale, to tell you about the Long-Nosed Nobody. And if you see the Long-Nosed Nobody, do not fear, just provide him with LOOPS.

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