I am Dr. Black, a biologist for a Japanese company. Specifically, I am a botanist who came to Kyoto because I heard about an unusual tree called the Jinmenju.
Some say it has eyes on the bark, eyes that can actually see you.
I went into a nearby forest, after sunset. I eventually found the Jinmenju. The truth is that its fruit has faces. Excluding the faces, the fruit looked like peaches. I had heard that eating the fruit can extend your lifespan by hundreds of years. It makes a bit of sense, since peaches are a symbol of immortality over here.
Suddenly, I thought I saw one of the fruits wink at me. Then all of the fruits started to laugh. Although the fruits were happy, I was still freaked out.
Some fruit laughed so hard they fell off. I got one and examined it. I deduced that its large seed (which looked like a strawberry) was its 'brain.'
Despite the stories, I wasn't comfortable taking a bite of something with a human face. I dropped the fruit and left.
When I returned to America, I decided to omit the Jimenju from my report. While I could have brought a fruit as proof, the revelation of the tree to the world might have started World War 3.