“Hello new recruits. Welcome to Lunar Outpost 27B. My name is Colonel Floyd Pinkerton and I’m in charge around here. You’ll get a more official orientation later on, but I felt there were a few things that needed to be said right away.
The directive of this outpost is the monitoring and research of the crater, Phobos, which possesses some strange and unexplainable properties. It’s the only crater for miles so you’ll know when you see it.
First off, if you see any astronauts wearing light blue suits, please do not make contact with them. Those old uniforms haven't been in commission for decades and we’re not sure where they’re coming from.
Second, please be cautious around the crater. Yes, yes, I know it's the primary purpose of this facility, but we still don’t know much about it. So keep your distance, especially between the hours of 0700 and 1100, no matter which family members you think you see going into it. We’re tired of cleaning up the mess.
Next, due to confusion, we’re making it very clear that there is no maintenance structure at the outpost. I repeat, there is no maintenance building here. So if you see it, just don’t go inside.
Speaking of buildings, if you happen to smell what seems to be a combination of burning milk and old grapes while in your quarters, please leave immediately and notify a decontamination squad. Then march yourself down to the nearest first aid center ASAP.
Also while inside, if a food dispenser in the dining hall serves you human fingers, please notify an engineering team. It’s not supposed to do that anymore.
Let’s see here, what’s next…. Oh right. We’re still trying to find whoever is drawing the weird symbols on the viewing port windows. Not only are they putting everyone on edge, but they’re very annoying to wash off. If you see anything suspicious, let a commanding officer know.
This is for any of you new comms boys. Any transmission from Outpost 21A should be ignored. Do not listen to what it says. No matter how urgent it seems. If you do happen to listen, first off that’s treason and will be punished as such, but second, we recommend getting checked at the aid station for any cranial growths.
We’re almost done here, just a couple more notes. A scan of the surrounding environment has shown a strange rock structure that seems to move around the area. Until we’ve got a good reading on it, we recommend avoiding it. That being said, if you so happen to have a confrontation with it, a full notes entry would be nice.
Finally, the station has 3 alarm systems. The orange light is for any external issues, red is for any internal issues, and blue…. Well, let's hope blue never goes off.
Anyway, enjoy your employment on Lunar Outpost 27B, let's make it a productive day.”