Death is yet another stage in life, not unlike puberty if you think about it. We all go through it, some earlier than others. People cling to the idea of life; we invent phrases to justify our actions such as “You only live once” or “Live everyday as if it’s your last.” My favorite however is “live life to the fullest." This phrase, as with any of the others, can be taken in a number of ways. The thought behind these phrases is to get us to take chances, and do things that are memorable, things we may not otherwise do. There aren’t any guidelines to these terms, but becoming more adventurous is implied. Somewhere along the lines we’ve skewed the meaning of these phrases to fit our own agendas. Screaming yolo as we slam shots of tequila. Hash tagging Facebook statuses, and bragging about our state of intoxication.

A lot of us want to get the most out of life, longevity, to live fully and to the maximum expectancy. There are others that see each present day as a burden, and the days to come are bland reminders of the unforeseen. The uncertainty of what tomorrow will bring is too much for some to handle. And while most people see each coming day as a blessing, there are individuals who equally see the coming days as inexplicable torture. An ever darkening landscape dwelling with our unreasonable fears, and over shadowed by our unobtainable desires.

We all bare our share of misfortune and short comings. Some view these as motivation to try harder, and propel further than times previously. Driven by the need to excel, and the will to succeed. Whether viewed as an angel on our shoulder, or simply our subconscious mind, telling us to try again. We all have motivators, though not everybody has these same motivators. While one has that angel, another has a dark entity etching hopelessness into their very being. What one may see as a minor hitch, another may view as a complete road block. It’s true what they say, when one door closes another opens, it’s what’s on the other side of those doors that determines the fate we will be handed. Every door is not identical, some allow us to pass through to the wonders of a new opportunity, and others are only to let in self-doubt and the oppressing feeling of failure.

Time does not always help heal wounds, as with any injury, if left untreated they become infected. The mind is no different in this aspect. A broken heart may mend itself with the slight nudge of a loved one. A hypothetical shoulder to lean on as we work through the trauma of whatever our affliction may be. For some a broken heart is reassurance that they are worthless, distress bellows from within them like thick smoke filling the night sky. Suddenly we start to question things that at one point we were more than confident in. The more we push ourselves to accomplish daily goals, the more we see there is still left to accomplish. Simple hurdles become deep chasms in the desperation to complete each goal we set for ourselves.

We begin to wonder what the point is. Progress one day only to start over the next. Suddenly life has become a twenty-four hour record, playing on loop again and again. Each day we become less and less accomplished, and that hopeless feeling multiplies like maggots on a rotting carcass. Before long staring into a mirror has a more ominous purpose. What we once used as a window to see the person we want to be; is now a portrait of despair manifested in the image of ourselves. The eyes that stare back at us are not that of our own, instead they belong to that dark part of us that lingers on the side of destitution.

In this state our minds become a wretched abyss. Sorrow fills us as if water in the oceans depths, forever sinking lower into desolation. We lose sight of the joyful things. The simple things. Seeing only that of which we cannot have, striving for that of which we cannot reach. Eventually we encounter a breaking point. The pressure of our everyday lives builds until we crumble beneath it. Crushed by dreams we had once worked so hard to possess. So many of us fear death for not knowing what will become of us. But I fear life because I know exactly what to expect, and I would rather die today, than live through the torment of tomorrow.

Written by Laughing Jake
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